Season Episode Title Scene Speaker Line
0 1 1 Pilot 1 Michael All right Jim. Your quarterlies look very good. How are things at the library?
1 1 1 Pilot 1 Jim Oh, I told you. I couldn't close it. So...
2 1 1 Pilot 1 Michael So you've come to the master for guidance? Is this what you're saying, grasshopper?
3 1 1 Pilot 1 Jim Actually, you called me in here, but yeah.
4 1 1 Pilot 1 Michael All right. Well, let me show you how it's done.
5 1 1 Pilot 2 Michael Yes, I'd like to speak to your office manager, please. Yes, hello. This is Michael Scott. I am the Regional Manager of Dunder Mifflin Paper Products. Just wanted to talk to you manager-a-manger. All right. Done deal. Thank you very much, sir. You're a gentleman and a scholar. Oh, I'm sorry. OK. I'm sorry. My mistake. That was a woman I was talking to, so... She had a very low voice. Probably a smoker, so... So that's the way it's done.
6 1 1 Pilot 3 Michael I've, uh, I've been at Dunder Mifflin for 12 years, the last four as Regional Manager. If you want to come through here... See we have the entire floor. So this is my kingdom, as far as the eye can see. This is our receptionist, Pam. Pam! Pam-Pam! Pam Beesly. Pam has been with us for... forever. Right, Pam?
7 1 1 Pilot 3 Pam Well. I don't know.
8 1 1 Pilot 3 Michael If you think she's cute now, you should have seen her a couple of years ago.
9 1 1 Pilot 3 Pam What?
10 1 1 Pilot 3 Michael Any messages?
11 1 1 Pilot 3 Pam Uh, yeah. Just a fax.
12 1 1 Pilot 3 Michael Oh! Pam, this is from Corporate. How many times have I told you? There's a special filing cabinet for things from corporate.
13 1 1 Pilot 3 Pam You haven't told me.
14 1 1 Pilot 3 Michael It's called the wastepaper basket! Look at that! Look at that face.
15 1 1 Pilot 4 Michael People say I am the best boss. They go, "God we've never worked in a place like this before. You're hilarious." "And you get the best out of us." I think that pretty much sums it up. I found it at Spencer Gifts.
16 1 1 Pilot 5 Dwight Shall I play for you? Pa rum pump um pum I have no gifts for you. Pa rum pump um pum
17 1 1 Pilot 6 Jim My job is to speak to clients on the phone about... uh, quantities and type of copier paper. You know, whether we can supply it to them. Whether they can pay for it. And... I'm boring myself just talking about this.
18 1 1 Pilot 7 Michael Whassup!
19 1 1 Pilot 7 Jim Whassup! I still love that after seven years.
20 1 1 Pilot 7 Michael Whassup!
21 1 1 Pilot 7 Dwight Whassup!
22 1 1 Pilot 7 Michael Whass...up!
23 1 1 Pilot 7 Dwight Whassup.
24 1 1 Pilot 7 Michael What?
25 1 1 Pilot 7 Jim Nothing.
26 1 1 Pilot 7 Michael OK. All right. See you later.
27 1 1 Pilot 7 Jim All right. Take care.
28 1 1 Pilot 7 Michael Back to work.
29 1 1 Pilot 8 Jan Just before lunch. That would be great.
30 1 1 Pilot 9 Michael Corporate really doesn't really interfere with me at all. Jan Levinson Gould. Jan, hello. I call her Hillary Rodham Clinton. Right? Not to her face, because... well, not because I'm scared of her. Because I'm not. But, um... Yeah.
31 1 1 Pilot 10 Jan Alright, was there anything you wanted to add to the agenda?
32 1 1 Pilot 10 Michael Um... Me no get an agenda.
33 1 1 Pilot 10 Jan What? I'm sorry?
34 1 1 Pilot 10 Michael I didn't get any agenda.
35 1 1 Pilot 10 Jan Well, I faxed one over to you this morning.
36 1 1 Pilot 10 Michael Really? I didn't... Did we get a fax this morning?
37 1 1 Pilot 10 Pam Uh, yeah, the one...
38 1 1 Pilot 10 Michael Why isn't it in my hand? A company runs on efficiency of communication, right? So what's the problem, Pam? Why didn't I get it?
39 1 1 Pilot 10 Pam You put in the garbage can that was a special filing cabinet.
40 1 1 Pilot 10 Michael Yeah, that was a joke. That was a joke that was actually my brother's, and... It was supposed to be with bills and it doesn't work great with faxes.
41 1 1 Pilot 10 Jan Do you want to look at mine?
42 1 1 Pilot 10 Michael Yeah, yeah. Lovely. Thank you.
43 1 1 Pilot 10 Jan OK. Since the last meeting, Ellen and the board have decided we can't justify a Scranton branch and a Stamford branch.
44 1 1 Pilot 10 Michael OK...
45 1 1 Pilot 10 Jan Michael, don't panic.
46 1 1 Pilot 10 Michael No, no, no, no, this is good. This is good. This is fine. Excellent.
47 1 1 Pilot 10 Jan No, no, no, Michael, listen OK. Don't panic. We haven't made... We haven't decided.
48 1 1 Pilot 10 Michael All the alarm bells are kind of going... ringie-dingie-ding!
49 1 1 Pilot 10 Jan I've spoken to Josh in Stamford. I've told him the same as you and it's up to either him or you to convince me that your branch can incorporate the other.
50 1 1 Pilot 10 Michael OK. No problem.
51 1 1 Pilot 10 Jan This does, however, mean that there is going to be downsizing.
52 1 1 Pilot 10 Michael Me no wanna hear that, Jan. Because downsizing is a bitch. It is a real bitch. And I wouldn't wish that on Josh's men. I certainly wouldn't wish it on my men. Or women, present company excluded. Sorry. Uh, is Josh concerned about downsizing himself? Not downsizing himself but is he concerned about downsizing?
53 1 1 Pilot 11 Michael Question. How long do we have to... Oh uh, Todd Packer, terrific rep. Do you mind if I take it?
54 1 1 Pilot 11 Jan Go ahead.
55 1 1 Pilot 11 Michael Packman.
56 1 1 Pilot 11 Todd Packer Hey, you big queen.
57 1 1 Pilot 11 Michael Oh, that's not appropriate.
58 1 1 Pilot 11 Todd Packer Hey, is old Godzillary coming in today?
59 1 1 Pilot 11 Michael Uh, I don't know what you mean.
60 1 1 Pilot 11 Todd Packer I've been meaning to ask her one question. Does the carpet match the drapes?
61 1 1 Pilot 11 Michael Oh, my God! Oh! That's... horrifying. Horrible. Horrible person.
62 1 1 Pilot 11 Jan So do you think we could keep a lid on this for now? I don't want to worry people unnecessarily.
63 1 1 Pilot 11 Michael No, absolutely. Under this regime, it will not leave this office. Like that.
64 1 1 Pilot 12 Phyllis So what does downsizing actually mean?
65 1 1 Pilot 12 Stanley Well...
66 1 1 Pilot 13 Oscar You guys better update your resumes just like I'm doing.
67 1 1 Pilot 14 Angela I bet it's gonna be me. Probably gonna be me.
68 1 1 Pilot 14 Kevin Yeah, it'll be you.
69 1 1 Pilot 15 Pam I have an important question for you.
70 1 1 Pilot 15 Jim Yes?
71 1 1 Pilot 15 Pam Are you going to Angela's cat party on Sunday?
72 1 1 Pilot 15 Jim Yeah, stop. That is ridiculous.
73 1 1 Pilot 16 Michael Am I going to tell them? No, I am not going to tell them. I don't see the point of that. As a doctor, you would not tell a patient if they had cancer.
74 1 1 Pilot 17 Michael Hey.
75 1 1 Pilot 17 Ryan Hey.
76 1 1 Pilot 17 Pam This is Mr. Scott.
77 1 1 Pilot 17 Michael Guilty! Guilty as charged!
78 1 1 Pilot 17 Ryan Ryan Howard from the temp agency. Daniqua sent me down to start today.
79 1 1 Pilot 17 Michael Howard, like Moe Howard. Three Stooges.
80 1 1 Pilot 17 Ryan Yup.
81 1 1 Pilot 17 Michael Watch this. This is Moe. Nyuck-nyuck-nyuck-nyuck-nyuck. Mee! Ah, right here. Three Stooges. Oh, Pam. It's a guy thing, Pam. I'm sort of a student of comedy. Watch this. Here we go. I'm Hitler. Adolf Hitler.
82 1 1 Pilot 18 Pam I don't think it would be the worst thing if they let me go because then I might... I don't think it's many little girls' dream to be a receptionist. I like to do illustrations. Um... Mostly watercolor. A few oil pencil. Um, Jim thinks they're good.
83 1 1 Pilot 18 Pam Dunder Mifflin. This is Pam.
84 1 1 Pilot 19 Jim Sure. Mr. Davis, let me call you right back. Yeah, something just came up. Two minutes. Thank you very much. Dwight, what are you doing?
85 1 1 Pilot 19 Dwight What?
86 1 1 Pilot 19 Jim What are you doing?
87 1 1 Pilot 19 Dwight Just clearing my desk. I can't concentrate.
88 1 1 Pilot 19 Jim It's not on your desk.
89 1 1 Pilot 19 Dwight It's overlapping. It's all spilling over the edge. One word, two syllables. Demarcation.
90 1 1 Pilot 19 Dwight You can't do that.
91 1 1 Pilot 19 Jim Why not?
92 1 1 Pilot 19 Dwight Safety violation. I could fall and pierce an organ.
93 1 1 Pilot 19 Jim We'll see. This is why the whole downsizing thing just doesn't bother me.
94 1 1 Pilot 19 Dwight Downsizing?
95 1 1 Pilot 20 Dwight Downsizing? I have no problem with that. I have been recommending downsizing since I first got here. I even brought it up in my interview. I say, bring it on.
96 1 1 Pilot 21 Pam You just still have these messages from yesterday.
97 1 1 Pilot 21 Michael Relax. Everything's under control. Uh, yeah. Yeah. That's important. Right. Oh this is so important, I should run to answer it.
98 1 1 Pilot 21 Pam What?
99 1 1 Pilot 21 Michael Come on. Six-Million Dollar Man! Steve Austin! Actually, that would be a good salary for me, don't you think? Six million dollars? Memo to Jan. I deserve a raise.
100 1 1 Pilot 21 Pam Don't we all?
101 1 1 Pilot 21 Michael I'm sorry?
102 1 1 Pilot 21 Pam Nothing.
103 1 1 Pilot 21 Michael If you're unhappy with your compensation, maybe you should take it up with HR. OK. Not today, OK? Pam, just be professional.
104 1 1 Pilot 22 Michael I think I'm a role model here. I think I garner people's respect. Attention all Dunder Mifflin employees, please. We have a meeting in the conference room, ASAP.
105 1 1 Pilot 23 Michael People I respect, heroes of mine, would be Bob Hope... Abraham Lincoln, definitely. Bono. And probably God would be the fourth one. And I just think all those people really helped the world in so many ways that it's really beyond words. It's really incalculable.
106 1 1 Pilot 24 Michael Now I know there's some rumors out there and I just kind of want to set the record straight.
107 1 1 Pilot 24 Dwight I'm Assistant Regional Manager. I should know first.
108 1 1 Pilot 24 Michael Assistant to the Regional Manager.
109 1 1 Pilot 24 Dwight OK, um, can you just tell me please? Just tell me quietly. Can you whisper it in my ear?
110 1 1 Pilot 24 Michael I'm about to tell everybody. I'm just about to tell everybody.
111 1 1 Pilot 24 Oscar Can't you just tell us.
112 1 1 Pilot 24 Dwight Please, OK? Do you want me to tell 'em?
113 1 1 Pilot 24 Michael You don't know what it is.
114 1 1 Pilot 24 Dwight OK. You tell 'em. With my permission. Permission granted.
115 1 1 Pilot 24 Michael I don't need your permission.
116 1 1 Pilot 24 Dwight Go ahead.
117 1 1 Pilot 24 Michael Corporate has deemed it appropriate to enforce an ultimatum upon me. And Jan is thinking about downsizing either the Stamford branch or this branch.
118 1 1 Pilot 25 Ryan I heard they might be closing this branch down. That's just the rumor going around. This is my first day. I don't really know.
119 1 1 Pilot 26 Oscar Yeah but Michael, what if they downsize here?
120 1 1 Pilot 26 Michael Not gonna happen.
121 1 1 Pilot 26 Stanley It could be out of your hands Michael.
122 1 1 Pilot 26 Michael It won't be out of my hands Stanley, OK. I promise you that.
123 1 1 Pilot 26 Stanley Can you promise that?
124 1 1 Pilot 26 Dwight On his mother's grave.
125 1 1 Pilot 26 Michael No.
126 1 1 Pilot 26 Phyllis What?
127 1 1 Pilot 26 Michael Well, yeah, it is a promise. And frankly, I'm a little insulted that you have to keep asking about it.
128 1 1 Pilot 26 Stanley It's just that we need to know.
129 1 1 Pilot 26 Michael I know. Hold on a second. I think Pam wanted to say something. Pam, you had a look that you wanted to ask a question just then.
130 1 1 Pilot 26 Pam I was in the meeting with Jan and she did say that it could be this branch that gets the axe.
131 1 1 Pilot 26 Man Are you sure about that?
132 1 1 Pilot 26 Michael Well, Pam maybe you should stick to the ongoing confidentiality agreement of meetings.
133 1 1 Pilot 26 Dwight Pam, information is power.
134 1 1 Pilot 26 Stanley You can't say for sure whether it'll be us or them, can you?
135 1 1 Pilot 26 Michael No, Stanley. No, you did not see me in there with her. I said if Corporate wants to come in here and interfere, then they're gonna have to go through me. Right? You can go mess with Josh's people, but I'm the head of this family, and you ain't gonna be messing with my chillin.
136 1 1 Pilot 27 Jim If I left, what would I do with all this useless information in my head? You know? Tonnage price of manila folders? Um, Pam's favorite flavor of yogurt, which is mixed berry.
137 1 1 Pilot 28 Pam Jim said mixed berries? Well, yeah, he's on to me. Um...
138 1 1 Pilot 29 Michael Watch out for this guy. Dwight Schrute in the building. This is Ryan, the new temp.
139 1 1 Pilot 29 Ryan What's up? Nice to meet you.
140 1 1 Pilot 29 Michael Introduce yourself. Be polite.
141 1 1 Pilot 29 Dwight Dwight Schrute, Assistant Regional Manager.
142 1 1 Pilot 29 Michael Assistant to the Regional Manager. So, uh, Dwight tell him about the kung fu and the car and everything.
143 1 1 Pilot 29 Dwight Uh... yeah I got a '78 280Z. Bought it for $1,200. Fixed it up. It's now worth three grand.
144 1 1 Pilot 29 Michael That's his profit.
145 1 1 Pilot 29 Dwight New engine, new suspension, I got a respray. I've got some photos.
146 1 1 Pilot 30 Dwight Damn it! Jim!
147 1 1 Pilot 30 Michael OK. Hold on, hold on. The judge is in session. What is the problem here?
148 1 1 Pilot 30 Dwight He put my stuff in Jell-O again.
149 1 1 Pilot 30 Dwight That's real professional thanks. That's the third time and it wasn't funny the first two times either Jim.
150 1 1 Pilot 31 Dwight It's OK here, but people sometimes take advantage because it's so relaxed. I'm a volunteer Sheriff's Deputy on the weekends. And you cannot screw around there. That's sort of one of the rules.
151 1 1 Pilot 32 Michael What is that?
152 1 1 Pilot 32 Dwight That is my stapler.
153 1 1 Pilot 32 Michael No, no, no. Do not take it out. You have to eat it out of there, because there are starving people in the world which I hate, and it is a waste of that kind of food.
154 1 1 Pilot 32 Dwight OK you know what, you can be a witness. Can you reprimand him?
155 1 1 Pilot 32 Jim How do you know it was me?
156 1 1 Pilot 32 Dwight It's always you. Are you going to discipline him or not?
157 1 1 Pilot 32 Michael Discipline. Kinky! All right, here's the deal you guys. The thing about a practical joke is you have to know when to start and as well as when to stop.
158 1 1 Pilot 32 Dwight Yeah.
159 1 1 Pilot 32 Michael And yeah, Jim this is the time to stop putting Dwight's personal effects into Jell-O.
160 1 1 Pilot 32 Jim OK. Dwight, I'm sorry, because I have always been your biggest flan.
161 1 1 Pilot 32 Michael Nice. That's the way it is around here. It just kind of goes round and round.
162 1 1 Pilot 32 Ryan You should've put him in custardy.
163 1 1 Pilot 32 Michael Hey! Yes! New guy! He scores.
164 1 1 Pilot 32 Dwight OK, that's great. I guess what I'm most concerned with is damage to company property. That's all.
165 1 1 Pilot 32 Michael Pudding. Pudding... I'm trying to think of another dessert to do.
166 1 1 Pilot 33 Jim Do you like going out at the end of the week for a drink?
167 1 1 Pilot 33 Pam Yeah.
168 1 1 Pilot 33 Jim That's why we're all going out. So we can have an end-of-the-week-drink.
169 1 1 Pilot 33 Pam So when are we going out?
170 1 1 Pilot 33 Jim Tonight, hopefully.
171 1 1 Pilot 33 Pam OK. Yeah.
172 1 1 Pilot 33 Roy Hey, man.
173 1 1 Pilot 33 Jim What's going on?
174 1 1 Pilot 33 Roy Hey, baby.
175 1 1 Pilot 33 Pam Hey.
176 1 1 Pilot 34 Pam Roy's my fiance. We've been engaged about three years. We were supposed to get married in September but I think we're gonna get married in the spring.
177 1 1 Pilot 35 Pam Do you mind if I go out for a drink with these guys?
178 1 1 Pilot 35 Roy No, no. Come on. Let's get out of here and go home.
179 1 1 Pilot 35 Pam OK. I'm gonna be a few minutes. So it's only twenty past five. I still have to do my faxes.
180 1 1 Pilot 35 Jim You know what? You should come with us. Because you know we're all going out and it could be a good chance for you to see what people are like outside the office. I think it could be fun.
181 1 1 Pilot 35 Roy It sounds good. Seriously, we've gotta get going.
182 1 1 Pilot 35 Jim Yeah, yeah.
183 1 1 Pilot 35 Jim Um... What's in the bag?
184 1 1 Pilot 35 Roy Just tell her I'll talk to her later.
185 1 1 Pilot 35 Jim No, definitely. All right, dude. Awesome. Will do.
186 1 1 Pilot 36 Jim Do I think I'll be invited to the wedding?
187 1 1 Pilot 37 Michael So have you felt the vibe yet? We work hard, we play hard. Sometimes we play hard when we should be working hard. Right? I guess the atmosphere that I've created here is that I'm a friend first, and a boss second... and probably an entertainer third. Just a second. Right? Oh, hey do you like The Jamie Kennedy Experiment? Punk'd and all that kind of stuff?
188 1 1 Pilot 37 Ryan Yeah.
189 1 1 Pilot 37 Michael You are gonna be my accomplice. Just go along with it, OK?
190 1 1 Pilot 37 Ryan All right.
191 1 1 Pilot 37 Michael Just follow my lead. Don't pimp me, all right? Come in. So, uh, Corporate just said that I don't want to...
192 1 1 Pilot 37 Pam You got a fax.
193 1 1 Pilot 37 Michael Oh, thank you. Pam, can you come in here for a sec. Just have a seat. I was gonna call you in anyway. You know Ryan. As you know, there is going to be downsizing. And you have made my life so much easier in that I am going to have to let you go first.
194 1 1 Pilot 37 Pam What? Why?
195 1 1 Pilot 37 Michael Why? Well, theft and stealing.
196 1 1 Pilot 37 Pam Stealing? What am I supposed to have stolen?
197 1 1 Pilot 37 Michael Post-it Notes.
198 1 1 Pilot 37 Pam Post-it Notes? What are those worth, 50 cents?
199 1 1 Pilot 37 Michael 50 cents, yeah. If you steal a thousand Post-It Notes at 50 cents apiece, and you know, you've made a profit... margin. You're gonna run us out of business, Pam.
200 1 1 Pilot 37 Pam Are you serious?
201 1 1 Pilot 37 Michael Yeah. I am.
202 1 1 Pilot 37 Pam I can't believe this. I mean I have never even stolen as much as a paperclip and you're firing me.
203 1 1 Pilot 37 Michael But the best thing about it is that we're not going to have to give you any severance pay. Because that is gross misconduct and... Just clean out your desk. I'm sorry.
204 1 1 Pilot 37 Michael You been X'd punk! Surprise! It's a joke. We were joking around. See? OK. He was in on it. He was my accomplice. And it was kind of a morale booster thing. And we were showing the new guy around, giving him the feel of the place. So you... God, we totally got you.
205 1 1 Pilot 37 Pam You're a jerk.
206 1 1 Pilot 37 Michael I don't know about that.
207 1 1 Pilot 38 Michael What is the most important thing for a company? Is it the cash flow? Is it the inventory? Nuh-uh. It's the people. The people. My proudest moment here was not when I increased profits by 17% or when I cut expenses without losing a single employee. No, no, no, no, no. It was a young Guatemalan guy. First job in the country, barely spoke English. He came to me, and said, "Mr. Scott, would you be the godfather of my child?" Wow. Wow. Didn't work out in the end. We had to let him go. He sucked.
208 1 1 Pilot 39 Pam Hey.
209 1 1 Pilot 39 Jim Hey.
210 1 1 Pilot 39 Jim How are things?
211 1 1 Pilot 39 Pam Good. I thought you were going out for a drink with...
212 1 1 Pilot 39 Jim Oh no, I just decided not to. How's your headache?
213 1 1 Pilot 39 Pam It's better, thanks.
214 1 1 Pilot 39 Jim Good. Good.
215 1 1 Pilot 39 Pam Yeah.
216 1 1 Pilot 39 Jim That's great
217 1 1 Pilot 39 Pam Is...?
218 1 1 Pilot 39 Jim Yeah?
219 1 1 Pilot 39 Pam Um... Are you...
220 1 1 Pilot 39 Jim Am I walking out?
221 1 1 Pilot 39 Pam Yes.
222 1 1 Pilot 39 Jim Yes, I... Do you want to...
223 1 1 Pilot 39 Pam Yeah.
224 1 1 Pilot 39 Jim Great. Let me just...
225 1 1 Pilot 39 Jim Oh, Roy.
226 1 1 Pilot 39 Pam Yeah. Listen, have a nice weekend.
227 1 1 Pilot 39 Jim Yeah, definitely. You too. Enjoy it. You know what, just come here.
228 1 2 Diversity Day 40 Michael Hey, uh, can I help you out in here?
229 1 2 Diversity Day 40 Mr. Brown Oh, I'm all set, thanks.
230 1 2 Diversity Day 40 Michael Gotcha. Good. I'd go with the rows. That's a good idea.
231 1 2 Diversity Day 41 Michael Today is diversity day and someone's going to come in and talk to us about diversity. It's something that I've been pushing, that I've been wanting to push, for a long time and Corporate mandated it. And I never actually talked to Corporate about it. They kind of beat me to the punch, the bastards. But I was going to. And I think it's very important that we have this. I'm very, very excited.
232 1 2 Diversity Day 42 Jim That's the thing. It's very sturdy paper and on the back it says, "100% post-consumer content." What? Hello? Uh-huh. Wait. What? I'm sorry, Mr. Decker. I think I'm losing you. Hello? Hello? Yeah. Hold on one second. I don't know. Hold on one second.
233 1 2 Diversity Day 42 Jim Do you really have to do that right now?
234 1 2 Diversity Day 42 Dwight Yes I do. I should have done it weeks ago actually.
235 1 2 Diversity Day 42 Jim Mr. Decker, I'm sorry about that. What were you... Can you hold on one second? Yeah, just one second. Thanks. Hello? That's it. Perfect. So what I was saying... Hello? Thanks, Dwight.
236 1 2 Diversity Day 42 Dwight Retaliation. Tit for tit.
237 1 2 Diversity Day 42 Jim That is not the expression.
238 1 2 Diversity Day 42 Dwight Well, it should be.
239 1 2 Diversity Day 43 Jim This is my biggest sale of the year. They love me over there for some reason. I'm not really sure why but I make one call over there every year, just to renew their account, and that one call ends up being 25% of my commission for the whole year, so I buy a mini bottle of champagne, celebrate a little. And this year I'm pushing recycled paper on them for one percent more. I know. I'm getting cocky. Right?
240 1 2 Diversity Day 44 Jim Solitaire?
241 1 2 Diversity Day 44 Pam Yeah, Freecell.
242 1 2 Diversity Day 44 Jim Six on seven.
243 1 2 Diversity Day 44 Pam I know. I saw that.
244 1 2 Diversity Day 44 Jim So then, why didn't you do it?
245 1 2 Diversity Day 44 Pam I'm saving that 'cause I like it when the cards go T-ts-ts-tch-tch-tch.
246 1 2 Diversity Day 44 Jim Who doesn't love that?
247 1 2 Diversity Day 45 Michael Hey, Oscar! How are you doing, man?
248 1 2 Diversity Day 45 Oscar All right.
249 1 2 Diversity Day 45 Michael Did you have a good weekend going there?
250 1 2 Diversity Day 45 Oscar It was fine.
251 1 2 Diversity Day 45 Michael Oh yeah, I bet it was fun. Oh, hey! This is Oscar---
252 1 2 Diversity Day 45 Oscar Martinez.
253 1 2 Diversity Day 45 Michael Right. See? I don't even know, first-name basis!
254 1 2 Diversity Day 45 Mr. Brown Great. We're all set.
255 1 2 Diversity Day 45 Michael Oh hey, well, diversity, everybody, let's do it. Oscar works in... here. Jim, could you wrap it up, please?
256 1 2 Diversity Day 45 Jim Yeah, uh, Mr. Decker, please.
257 1 2 Diversity Day 45 Michael It's diversity day, Jim. I wish every day was diversity day.
258 1 2 Diversity Day 45 Jim You know what? I'm actually going to have to call you back. Thank you. Sorry about that.
259 1 2 Diversity Day 46 Mr. Brown Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Great.
260 1 2 Diversity Day 46 Michael Come on people, let's get 'em in. Get in the cards! Get in the cards!
261 1 2 Diversity Day 46 Mr. Brown Thank you. Thank you very much. OK. Thanks for filling these out and I promise this'll be quick. At Diversity Today, our philosophy is about honesty and positive expectations. We believe that 99% of the problems in the workplace arise simply out of ignorance.
262 1 2 Diversity Day 46 Michael You know what? This is a color-free-zone here. Stanley, I don't look at you as another race.
263 1 2 Diversity Day 46 Mr. Brown Uh, see this is what I'm talking about. We don't have to pretend we're color-blind.
264 1 2 Diversity Day 46 Michael Exactly, were not...
265 1 2 Diversity Day 46 Mr. Brown That's fighting ignorance with more ignorance.
266 1 2 Diversity Day 46 Michael With tolerance.
267 1 2 Diversity Day 46 Mr. Brown No. With more ignorance.
268 1 2 Diversity Day 46 Michael Ignorance.
269 1 2 Diversity Day 46 Mr. Brown Right. Exactly. Uh, instead, we need to celebrate our diversity.
270 1 2 Diversity Day 46 Michael Let's celebrate.
271 1 2 Diversity Day 46 Mr. Brown Right. OK.
272 1 2 Diversity Day 46 Michael Celebrate good times. Come on! Let's celebrate diversity. Right?
273 1 2 Diversity Day 46 Mr. Brown Yes, exactly. Now here's what we're going to do. I've noticed that...
274 1 2 Diversity Day 46 Michael You know what? Here's what we're going to do. Why don't we go around and everybody... everybody say a race that you are attracted to sexually. I will go last. Go.
275 1 2 Diversity Day 46 Dwight I have two. White and Indian.
276 1 2 Diversity Day 46 Mr. Brown Actually, I'd prefer not to start that way. Michael, I would love to have your permission to run this session. Can I have your permission?
277 1 2 Diversity Day 46 Michael Yes.
278 1 2 Diversity Day 46 Mr. Brown Thank you very much. And it would also help me if you were seated.
279 1 2 Diversity Day 46 Michael OK.
280 1 2 Diversity Day 46 Mr. Brown Thank you. OK. Now, at the start of the session, I had you all write down an incident that you found offensive in the workplace. Now, what I'm going to do is choose one and we're going to act it out.
281 1 2 Diversity Day 46 Dwight A few of the ground rules?
282 1 2 Diversity Day 46 Michael Hey, hey why don't you run it by me and I'll run it by him.
283 1 2 Diversity Day 46 Dwight OK, can we steer away from gay people?
284 1 2 Diversity Day 46 Mr. Brown Um...
285 1 2 Diversity Day 46 Dwight I'm sorry. It's an orientation. It's not a race. Plus a lot of other races are intolerant of gays, so...paradox.
286 1 2 Diversity Day 46 Mr. Brown Well, we only have an hour.
287 1 2 Diversity Day 46 Dwight I figured it would save time.
288 1 2 Diversity Day 46 Michael OK. Why don't we just defer to Mr...
289 1 2 Diversity Day 46 Mr. Brown Mr. Brown.
290 1 2 Diversity Day 46 Michael Ah. Oh, right! OK. First test. I will not call you that.
291 1 2 Diversity Day 46 Mr. Brown Well, it's my name. It's not a test. OK? Um, so looking through the cards, I've noticed that many of you wrote down the same incident, which is ironic, because it's the exact incident I was brought in here to respond to. Now, how many of you are familiar with the Chris Rock routine? Very good. OK.
292 1 2 Diversity Day 47 Michael How come Chris Rock can do a routine and everybody finds it hilarious and ground-breaking and then I go and do the exact same routine, same comedic timing, and people file a complaint to Corporate? Is it because I'm white and Chris is black?
293 1 2 Diversity Day 48 Mr. Brown So we're going to reenact this with a more positive outcome.
294 1 2 Diversity Day 48 Michael I will play the Chris Rock guy. I would like to see someone else pull this off.
295 1 2 Diversity Day 48 Mr. Brown Well, let's have someone who wasn't involved in the reenactment.
296 1 2 Diversity Day 48 Michael OK, I will play guy listening.
297 1 2 Diversity Day 48 Mr. Brown Great. Guy listening. Ok, anyone else remember?
298 1 2 Diversity Day 48 Kevin I remember.
299 1 2 Diversity Day 48 Mr. Brown Great. You're the Chris Rock guy and you're guy listening.
300 1 2 Diversity Day 48 Michael OK.
301 1 2 Diversity Day 49 Michael Kevin is a great guy. He's a great accountant. He is not much of an entertainer.
302 1 2 Diversity Day 50 Kevin Basically, there are two types of black people and black people are actually more racist because they hate the other type of black people. Every time the one type wants to have a good time, then the other type comes in and makes a real mess.
303 1 2 Diversity Day 50 Michael OK. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. He's ruin... He's butchering it. Could you just let me... Every time... Every time black people want to have a good time, some ignant ass... I take care of my kid!
304 1 2 Diversity Day 50 Mr. Brown Wait a second.
305 1 2 Diversity Day 50 Michael They always want credit for something they supPOSED to do!
306 1 2 Diversity Day 50 Mr. Brown Stop it!
307 1 2 Diversity Day 50 Michael What you want a cookie?
308 1 2 Diversity Day 51 Mr. Brown Now, this is a simple acronym. HERO. Uh, at Diversity Today, we believe it is very easy to be a HERO. All you need are honesty, empathy, respect and open-mindedness.
309 1 2 Diversity Day 51 Dwight Excuse me, I'm sorry, but that's not all it takes to be a hero.
310 1 2 Diversity Day 51 Mr. Brown Oh, great. Well, what is a hero to you?
311 1 2 Diversity Day 51 Dwight A hero kills people, people that wish him harm.
312 1 2 Diversity Day 51 Mr. Brown OK.
313 1 2 Diversity Day 51 Dwight A hero is part-human and part-supernatural. A hero is born out of a childhood trauma, or out of a disaster that must be avenged.
314 1 2 Diversity Day 51 Mr. Brown Ok, you're thinking of a superhero.
315 1 2 Diversity Day 51 Dwight We all have a hero in our heart.
316 1 2 Diversity Day 51 Mr. Brown Now, I need you to take these forms. This kind of expresses the joint experience we had today. And I need you to look 'em over and sign them as kind of a group pledge.
317 1 2 Diversity Day 51 Michael I don't think I can sign this.
318 1 2 Diversity Day 51 Mr. Brown I can't leave until you do.
319 1 2 Diversity Day 51 Michael Well, OK, it says here that I learned something and I knew all this stuff already, so... I know, I could sign something that says that I taught something, or that I helped you teach something, so... Pam! Where is she? Pam, could we change something on this?
320 1 2 Diversity Day 51 Mr. Brown Michael, can I talk to you candidly?
321 1 2 Diversity Day 51 Michael Sure.
322 1 2 Diversity Day 52 Mr. Brown We both know that I'm here because of the comments you made.
323 1 2 Diversity Day 52 Michael Here's the thing. This office, I think this is very advanced in terms of... racial awareness and it's probably more advanced than you're used to. That's probably throwing you off a little bit.
324 1 2 Diversity Day 52 Mr. Brown Um, it's not throwing me. I need your signature.
325 1 2 Diversity Day 52 Michael OK, well I know. You told me that several times.
326 1 2 Diversity Day 52 Mr. Brown Yes, but you're not listening to me. Yours is the only signature I need.
327 1 2 Diversity Day 52 Michael OK.
328 1 2 Diversity Day 52 Mr. Brown Those are my instructions from the Corporate offices to put you through this seminar for the comments that you made. The reason I made copies for everyone was so you wouldn't be embarrassed.
329 1 2 Diversity Day 52 Michael Well, here I am thinking that you actually cared about diversity training. And you don't.
330 1 2 Diversity Day 52 Mr. Brown Don't worry about dating.
331 1 2 Diversity Day 52 Michael I won't.
332 1 2 Diversity Day 52 Mr. Brown OK. Thank you.
333 1 2 Diversity Day 52 Michael Yeah, yeah.
334 1 2 Diversity Day 53 Michael "I regret my actions. I regret offending my coworkers. I pledge to bring my best spirit of honesty, empathy, respect and open-mindedness..." Open-mindedness, is that even a word? "...into the workplace. In this way, I can truly be a hero. Signed, Daffy Duck." He's going to lose it when he reads that.
335 1 2 Diversity Day 54 Jim Yeah, hi. Is Mr. Decker around? Oh, well, could you just have him call me after lunch? Thank you.
336 1 2 Diversity Day 54 Michael "I pledge to always keep an open mind and an open heart." I do believe... in that part of the pledge I that just read. But a pledge? Come on. I mean who are we, the Girl Scouts? No. Look... the guy, "Mr. Brown," he got us halfway there. He got us talking. Well, no. I got us talking. He got us nothing. He insulted us and he abandoned us. You call that diversity training? I don't. Were there any connections between any of us? Did anyone look each other in the eye? Was there any emotion going on? No. Where was the heart? I didn't see any heart. Where was my Oprah moment? OK, get as much done as you can before lunch because, afterward, I'm going to have you all in tears.
337 1 2 Diversity Day 55 Michael All right? Everybody pretty? Come on. Here we go. It's time. Let's do some good.
338 1 2 Diversity Day 55 Toby Hey, we're not all going to sit in a circle Indian style are we?
339 1 2 Diversity Day 55 Michael Get out.
340 1 2 Diversity Day 55 Toby I'm sorry.
341 1 2 Diversity Day 55 Michael No, this is not a joke. OK? That was offensive and lame. So double offensive. This is an environment of welcoming and you should just get the hell out of here. OK, let's go. Let's do it. Come on. Let's have some fun, everybody. Here we go. Take a seat. Cop a squat. And um... thanks for coming in. Um... Diversity... is the cornerstone of progress as I've always said. But don't take my word for it. Let's take a look at the tape.
342 1 2 Diversity Day 56 Michael Hi. I'm Michael Scott. I'm in charge of Dunder Mifflin Paper Products here in Scranton, Pennsylvania but I'm also the founder of Diversity Tomorrow, because today is almost over. Abraham Lincoln once said that, "If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North." And those are the principles that I carry with me in the workplace.
343 1 2 Diversity Day 57 Michael OK. Questions? Comments? Anybody? Jim?
344 1 2 Diversity Day 57 Jim : Uh, is that it?
345 1 2 Diversity Day 57 Michael Yes. I only had an hour to put it together but I'm going to add on to it later on.
346 1 2 Diversity Day 57 Kevin It was kind of hard to hear.
347 1 2 Diversity Day 57 Michael Uh, yes. That probably had something to do with the camera work. Anybody else? Um...
348 1 2 Diversity Day 57 Kelly I have a customer meeting.
349 1 2 Diversity Day 57 Michael Yeah, well, if you leave we'll only have two left. Yes. Enjoy. Absolutely. Namaste. Ok, well since I am leading this, let's get down to business and why don't I just kind of introduce myself, OK? Um. I am Michael and I am part English, Irish, German and Scottish. Sort of a virtual United Nations. But what some of you might not know is that I am also part Native American Indian.
350 1 2 Diversity Day 57 Oscar What part Native American?
351 1 2 Diversity Day 57 Michael Two fifteenths.
352 1 2 Diversity Day 57 Oscar Two fifteenths, that fraction doesn't make any sense.
353 1 2 Diversity Day 57 Michael Well, you know what, it's kind of hard for me to talk about it. Their suffering. So who else? Let's get this popping. Come on. Who's going? Who's going? Let's go here. Oscar, right here. You're on.
354 1 2 Diversity Day 57 Oscar OK, Michael, um... Both my parents were born in Mexico.
355 1 2 Diversity Day 57 Michael Oh, yeah...
356 1 2 Diversity Day 57 Oscar And, uh, they moved to the United Sates a year before I was born. So I grew up in the United States.
357 1 2 Diversity Day 57 Michael Wow.
358 1 2 Diversity Day 57 Oscar My parents were Mexican.
359 1 2 Diversity Day 57 Michael Wow. That is... That is a great story. That's the American Dream right there, right?
360 1 2 Diversity Day 57 Oscar Thank... Yeah...
361 1 2 Diversity Day 57 Michael Um, let me ask you, is there a term besides Mexican that you prefer? Something less offensive?
362 1 2 Diversity Day 57 Oscar Mexican isn't offensive.
363 1 2 Diversity Day 57 Michael Well, it has certain connotations.
364 1 2 Diversity Day 57 Oscar Like what?
365 1 2 Diversity Day 57 Michael Like... I don't... I don't know.
366 1 2 Diversity Day 57 Oscar What connotations, Michael? You meant something.
367 1 2 Diversity Day 57 Michael No. Now, remember that honesty...
368 1 2 Diversity Day 57 Oscar I'm just curious.
369 1 2 Diversity Day 57 Michael ...empathy, respect... Jim! Jim!
370 1 2 Diversity Day 57 Jim Hello? Hello?
371 1 2 Diversity Day 58 Michael I have something here. I want you to take a card. Put it on your fore... Don't look at the card. I want you to take the card and put it on your forehead and... Take a card, take a card, any card. Um... And I want you to treat other people like the race that is on their forehead. OK? So everybody has a different race. Nobody knows what their race is, so... I want you to really go for it, cause this is real. You know, this isn't just an exercise. This is real life. And... I have a dream that you will really let the sparks fly. Get 'er done.
372 1 2 Diversity Day 59 Michael Why? Because Martin Luther King is a hero of mine. There's this great Chris Rock bit about how streets named after Martin Luther King tend to be more violent. I'm not going to do it but it's...
373 1 2 Diversity Day 60 Michael Oh this is a good one.
374 1 2 Diversity Day 60 Pam Um, hi. How are you?
375 1 2 Diversity Day 60 Stanley Fine. How are you?
376 1 2 Diversity Day 60 Pam Great.
377 1 2 Diversity Day 60 Michael Push it.
378 1 2 Diversity Day 60 Stanley I admire your culture's success in America.
379 1 2 Diversity Day 60 Pam Thank you.
380 1 2 Diversity Day 60 Michael Good. Bom bom bom-bom bom. Come on Olympics of Suffering right here. Slavery versus the Holocaust. Come on.
381 1 2 Diversity Day 60 Stanley Who am I supposed to be?
382 1 2 Diversity Day 60 Michael No, that was inadvertent. We didn't actually plan that.
383 1 2 Diversity Day 60 Dwight Lots of cultures eat rice, doesn't help me.
384 1 2 Diversity Day 60 Dwight Um... Shalom. I'd like to apply for a loan.
385 1 2 Diversity Day 60 Pam That's nice, Dwight.
386 1 2 Diversity Day 60 Dwight OK, do me. Something stereotypical so I can get it really quick.
387 1 2 Diversity Day 60 Pam OK, I like your food.
388 1 2 Diversity Day 60 Dwight Outback steakhouse. I'm Australian, mate!
389 1 2 Diversity Day 60 Michael Pam, come on. "I like your food." Come on stir the pot. Stir the melting pot, Pam! Let's do it. Let's get ugly. Let's get real.
390 1 2 Diversity Day 60 Pam OK. If I have to do this, based on stereotypes that are totally untrue, that I do not agree with, you would maybe not be a very good driver.
391 1 2 Diversity Day 60 Dwight Oh, man, am I a woman?
392 1 2 Diversity Day 61 Michael You'll notice I didn't have anybody be an Arab. I thought that would be too explosive. No pun intended. But I just though. "Too soon for Arabs." Maybe next year. Um... You know, the ball's in their court.
393 1 2 Diversity Day 62 Jim What are you watching?
394 1 2 Diversity Day 62 Ryan Chappelle's Show.
395 1 2 Diversity Day 62 Jim Really?
396 1 2 Diversity Day 62 Ryan I downloaded it on her computer. I hope she doesn't mind. She just had a lot of extra space.
397 1 2 Diversity Day 62 Jim No way. I think she likes this stuff.
398 1 2 Diversity Day 62 Ryan Great. She's cute, huh?
399 1 2 Diversity Day 62 Jim Yeah, you know, she's engaged, but...
400 1 2 Diversity Day 62 Ryan Oh, no, the girl in the... sketch.
401 1 2 Diversity Day 62 Jim Oh, yeah. She's hot.
402 1 2 Diversity Day 63 Kevin Hey.
403 1 2 Diversity Day 63 Angela Hey.
404 1 2 Diversity Day 63 Kevin You wanna go to the beach?
405 1 2 Diversity Day 63 Angela Sure.
406 1 2 Diversity Day 63 Kevin You wanna get high?
407 1 2 Diversity Day 63 Angela No.
408 1 2 Diversity Day 63 Kevin I think you do, mon.
409 1 2 Diversity Day 63 Angela Stop...
410 1 2 Diversity Day 63 Michael OK. All right. No. It's good. You just need to push it. You need to go a little bit further. All right. OK.
411 1 2 Diversity Day 64 Michael Kelly, how are you?
412 1 2 Diversity Day 64 Kelly I just had the longest meeting.
413 1 2 Diversity Day 64 Michael Oh! Welcome to my convenience store. Would you like some googi googi? I have some very delicious googi, googi, only 99 cents plus tax. Try my googi, googi. Try my googi, googi. Try my googi, googi. Try my...
414 1 2 Diversity Day 64 Michael All right! All right! Yes! That was great, she gets it! Now she knows what it's like to be a minority.
415 1 2 Diversity Day 65 Jim Mr. Decker, we didn't lose your sale today, did we? Excellent. OK. Let me just get your... what's that? No, we didn't close last time. I just need your... Oh. W-What code were you given? Oh, OK. That's actually another salesman here. I can redo it if you want to do that. Oh, he gave you a discount? No, I don't blame you.
416 1 2 Diversity Day 66 Michael I just hated it when that guy was in here. Mr. Brown, if that was his real name. I mean, he had never met any of us before, and here he was telling us how to do our thing. I just wanted... I just wanted to do it our way. You know? On our own. Man I should have gotten some food.
417 1 2 Diversity Day 66 Kevin Maybe some spagh-etti.
418 1 2 Diversity Day 66 Michael Okay, Kevin. You can take that off that thing, OK? That would really, really have shown him up, wouldn't it? If I'd brought in some burritos or some colored greens. Or some pad Thai. I love pad Thai.
419 1 2 Diversity Day 66 Stanley It's collard greens.
420 1 2 Diversity Day 66 Michael What?
421 1 2 Diversity Day 66 Stanley It's collard greens.
422 1 2 Diversity Day 66 Michael That doesn't really make sense. Because you don't call them collared people, that's offensive. Hmmm... OK, well, it's after five. So... Thank you very much. Buena vista Oscar. Thank you. Good job. Oh, my man. Thank you Brazil. Nice.
423 1 2 Diversity Day 67 Jim Um... Hey.
424 1 2 Diversity Day 67 Pam Mmmm.
425 1 2 Diversity Day 67 Jim Hey.
426 1 2 Diversity Day 67 Pam Oh.
427 1 2 Diversity Day 67 Jim We can go.
428 1 2 Diversity Day 67 Pam Sorry.
429 1 2 Diversity Day 67 Jim That's fine.
430 1 2 Diversity Day 68 Jim Uh... Not a bad day.
431 1 3 Health Care 69 Michael Pam. Pamela. Pam-elama-ding-dong. Making copies.
432 1 3 Health Care 69 Pam I'm not making any copies.
433 1 3 Health Care 69 Michael Let's go. Messages. Stat. Lots to do, lots to do. Information superhighway.
434 1 3 Health Care 69 Pam Nothing new.
435 1 3 Health Care 69 Michael Lay them on me. What?
436 1 3 Health Care 69 Pam There's nothing new.
437 1 3 Health Care 69 Michael That's not what you said earlier.
438 1 3 Health Care 69 Pam Oh, do you want me to repeat the messages that I gave you before for the...
439 1 3 Health Care 70 Michael The most sacred thing I do is care and provide for my workers, my family. I give them money. I give them food. Not directly, but through the money. I heal them. Today, I am in charge of picking a great new health care plan. Right? That's what this is all about. Does that make me their doctor? Um... Yes, in a way. Yeah, like a specialist.
440 1 3 Health Care 71 Jan So, which health plan have you decided on?
441 1 3 Health Care 71 Michael I am going to go with the best, Jan. I am going to go with the one with the acupuncture, therapeutic massage, you know, the works.
442 1 3 Health Care 71 Jan Wait, acupuncture? None of the plans have acupuncture. Have you looked at them closely Michael?
443 1 3 Health Care 71 Michael I think it was you who didn't look closely enough at the Gold Plan.
444 1 3 Health Care 71 Jan The Gold Plan? I'm not even on that plan.
445 1 3 Health Care 71 Michael Well, I'd recommend it. It's very good.
446 1 3 Health Care 71 Jan Michael.
447 1 3 Health Care 71 Michael You gotta crack these things open.
448 1 3 Health Care 71 Jan You know the whole reason that we're doing this, is to save money. So you just need to pick a provider and choose the cheapest plan.
449 1 3 Health Care 71 Michael Well, that is kind of a tough assignment. Um... It won't be popular decision around the old orifice.
450 1 3 Health Care 71 Jan It's your job. So...
451 1 3 Health Care 71 Michael Well, it's a suicide mission, you know.
452 1 3 Health Care 71 Jan Michael... maybe... I mean...
453 1 3 Health Care 71 Michael There, there...
454 1 3 Health Care 71 Jan Sometimes a manager, like yourself, has to deliver the bad news to the employees. I do it all the time.
455 1 3 Health Care 71 Michael When have you ever done that?
456 1 3 Health Care 71 Jan I'm doing it right now. To you.
457 1 3 Health Care 72 Jim Last night on Trading Spouses, there's... have you seen it?
458 1 3 Health Care 72 Pam No. I have a life.
459 1 3 Health Care 72 Jim Interesting, what's that like?
460 1 3 Health Care 72 Pam You should try it sometime.
461 1 3 Health Care 72 Jim Wow. But then who would watch my TV? That is...
462 1 3 Health Care 72 Pam ... your problem.
463 1 3 Health Care 72 Michael Jimbo! Ha haaaaa. Ah.
464 1 3 Health Care 73 Michael There's a decision that needs to be made, and I'm having an unbelievably a busy day. So I'm going to let you pick a health care plan for our office and then explain it to your co-workers.
465 1 3 Health Care 73 Jim Gosh.
466 1 3 Health Care 73 Michael Yeah!
467 1 3 Health Care 73 Jim That is a great offer. Thank you. I really think I should be concentrating on sales.
468 1 3 Health Care 73 Michael Really?
469 1 3 Health Care 73 Jim Yeah. I just don't think this is the kind of task, that I... am going to do. You know who would be great for this?
470 1 3 Health Care 74 Jim Any time Michael asks me to do anything, I just tell him that Dwight should do it.
471 1 3 Health Care 75 Dwight Yes. I can do it. I'm your man.
472 1 3 Health Care 76 Jim Right now, this is just a job. If I advance any higher in this company then this would be my career. And uh, well, if this were my career, I'd have to throw myself in front of a train.
473 1 3 Health Care 77 Dwight OK, first, let's go over some parameters. How many people can I fire?
474 1 3 Health Care 77 Michael Ah, none. You're picking a health care plan.
475 1 3 Health Care 77 Dwight OK, we'll table that for the time being. Two, I'll need an office. I think the conference room should be fine.
476 1 3 Health Care 77 Michael You can use the conference room as a temporary workspace.
477 1 3 Health Care 77 Dwight Yes, I have an office. Bigger than his.
478 1 3 Health Care 77 Michael Nope, you cannot use it.
479 1 3 Health Care 77 Dwight OK, I take it back, it's a workspace.
480 1 3 Health Care 77 Michael Temporary workspace. You can use it.
481 1 3 Health Care 77 Dwight Thank you.
482 1 3 Health Care 78 Michael If Dwight fails, then that is strike two, and good for me for, ah, for giving him a second chance. And if he succeeds, then, you know, no one will be prouder than I am. I groomed him. I made him what he is today. Unless he fails, and we've talked about that already.
483 1 3 Health Care 79 Dwight What did I do? I did my job. I slashed benefits to the bone. I saved this company money. Was I too harsh? Maybe. I don't believe in coddling people.
484 1 3 Health Care 79 Dwight In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, "Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me and I'm dead." Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead.
485 1 3 Health Care 80 Stanley There's no dental, there's no vision, there's a $1,200 deductible.
486 1 3 Health Care 81 Pam Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.
487 1 3 Health Care 81 Michael Pam, Michael Scott. How's tricks?
488 1 3 Health Care 81 Pam Where are you?
489 1 3 Health Care 81 Michael Oh, I am in my office. I am swamped. I have work up to my ears I'm busy, busy, busy. Can't step away. I just wanted to check in and see how everybody's doing. Everybody cool out there?
490 1 3 Health Care 81 Pam Actually, people are really unhappy. Um, Dwight sent around this memo and people are freaking out 'cause the...
491 1 3 Health Care 81 Michael Pam! Whoa, whoa, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I, I, I, I gotta go. I'm getting a call.
492 1 3 Health Care 81 Pam No you're not.
493 1 3 Health Care 81 Michael I have to make a call after I finish... my work. You know what? Uh, just don't let anybody in my office under any conditions today. I'm just too busy. Too swamped, you know? I am unreachable. I am incommunicado, capisce?
494 1 3 Health Care 81 Pam OK.
495 1 3 Health Care 81 Michael Thank you, Oh, gah, here we go again. Gotta go, I have to take this.
496 1 3 Health Care 81 Pam Still no one calling.
497 1 3 Health Care 82 Pam Dwight, what...
498 1 3 Health Care 82 Dwight Uh, knock, please. Please knock. This is an office.
499 1 3 Health Care 82 Jim It says "workspace".
500 1 3 Health Care 82 Dwight Same thing.
501 1 3 Health Care 82 Jim If it's the same thing, then why did you write "workspace"?
502 1 3 Health Care 82 Dwight Just knock, Please? As a sign of respect for your superior.
503 1 3 Health Care 82 Jim You are not my superior.
504 1 3 Health Care 82 Dwight Oh gee, then why do I have an office?
505 1 3 Health Care 82 Jim I thought it was a workspace?
506 1 3 Health Care 82 Pam OK. Dwight. Are you really in charge of picking the health care plan?
507 1 3 Health Care 82 Dwight Yes. And my decision in final.
508 1 3 Health Care 82 Pam This is a ridiculously awful plan. Because you cut everything.
509 1 3 Health Care 82 Dwight Aww, times are tough, Pam. Deal with it.
510 1 3 Health Care 82 Jim You cut more than you had to, didn't you?
511 1 3 Health Care 82 Dwight Sure.
512 1 3 Health Care 82 Jim Well, why did you do that? You work here, don't you want good insurance?
513 1 3 Health Care 82 Dwight Don't need it. Never been sick. Perfect immune system.
514 1 3 Health Care 82 Jim OK, well, if you've never been sick, then you don't have any antibodies.
515 1 3 Health Care 82 Dwight I don't need them. Superior genes. I'm a Schrute. And superior brain power. Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.
516 1 3 Health Care 82 Pam Why would you want to raise your cholesterol?
517 1 3 Health Care 82 Dwight So I can lower it.
518 1 3 Health Care 83 Oscar He literally won't come out of his office.
519 1 3 Health Care 83 Kevin He's got to come out sometime. To go to the bathroom.
520 1 3 Health Care 83 Angela Kevin! That's inappropriate.
521 1 3 Health Care 84 Oscar Michael, can I talk to you?
522 1 3 Health Care 84 Michael Ah, uh, I would love to, but I am really busy. Rain check?
523 1 3 Health Care 84 Meredith Michael. Michael, please, can we talk to you about this memo?
524 1 3 Health Care 84 Michael Ah, what? Which memo?
525 1 3 Health Care 84 Pam Dwight's health care memo. I told you about it.
526 1 3 Health Care 84 Michael Is it a good plan?
527 1 3 Health Care 84 Dwight It's a great plan. It saves the company a fortune.
528 1 3 Health Care 84 Oscar It's like a pay decrease.
529 1 3 Health Care 84 Pam Michael, he made huge cuts.
530 1 3 Health Care 84 Michael Cuts? What? Wow, Dwight, did you make cuts?
531 1 3 Health Care 84 Dwight Yeah, you said...
532 1 3 Health Care 84 Michael No, no , no, you know what? I said nothing specific because I was so busy. Why don't you go in there and find these people a plan that will work for them? OK?
533 1 3 Health Care 84 Dwight I can handle that.
534 1 3 Health Care 84 Michael OK? All right. Do we feel good? All right. Good. Plus, there's some other good news. Today, at the end of the day, I will have, for all of you, a big surprise. OK? So hang in there, and I will see you at the end of the day. Right?
535 1 3 Health Care 85 Oscar This is not good.
536 1 3 Health Care 85 Angela It's ridiculous. Did you talk to him?
537 1 3 Health Care 85 Oscar What was that?
538 1 3 Health Care 85 Angela You let him walk all over you. It's just pathetic.
539 1 3 Health Care 85 Kevin What are you guys talking about?
540 1 3 Health Care 85 Angela Nothing, Kevin.
541 1 3 Health Care 86 Dwight OK, everyone. Gather round. Step forward. It has been brought to my attention that some of you are unhappy with my plan. So what I'd like you to do is to fill this out and write down any diseases you have that you might want covered and I'll see what I can do.
542 1 3 Health Care 86 Jim OK, you know what Dwight? We can't write our diseases down for you because that's confidential.
543 1 3 Health Care 86 Dwight OK, well, I didn't say to write your name down, did I? Fill it out, leave it anonymous. Or, don't write any disease down at all and it won't be covered. Sound fair? Good. I'll be in my office.
544 1 3 Health Care 86 Jim Workspace.
545 1 3 Health Care 87 Michael You know what? Come with me. We are going on a little mission. Operation Surprise.
546 1 3 Health Care 87 Pam Where are you going?
547 1 3 Health Care 87 Michael Um, headed out. Part of my busy day, you know. Meetings. Couldn't find the knob.
548 1 3 Health Care 88 Michael So, basically, I want to do something nice for my employees. Atlantic City, OK? They have this thing where they send a bus, right, for free. Picks everybody up, you head down there, get to the hotel, room is comped, they give you a pile of chips, and your food, everything just kind of all-inclusive, free kind of weekend.
549 1 3 Health Care 88 Travel Agent I don't know of anything like that, but, um, you know what you might want to do, is just call those casinos directly. Um, maybe?
550 1 3 Health Care 88 Michael Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did, so...
551 1 3 Health Care 89 Jim Wait. What are you writing? Don't write Ebola or mad cow disease. Right? 'Cause I'm suffering from both.
552 1 3 Health Care 89 Pam I'm inventing new diseases.
553 1 3 Health Care 89 Jim Oh, great.
554 1 3 Health Care 89 Pam So, let's say my teeth turn to liquid and then, they drip down the back of my throat. What would you call that?
555 1 3 Health Care 89 Jim I thought you said you were inventing diseases? That's spontaneous dental hydroplosion.
556 1 3 Health Care 89 Pam Nice.
557 1 3 Health Care 89 Jim Thank you.
558 1 3 Health Care 90 Michael Calling you to ask you a little favoroonie my friend. Um, trying to give the troops around here a little bit of a boost. And I was thinking that maybe we could take them down to take a spin on your big ride.
559 1 3 Health Care 90 Man on Phone You mean the elevator that takes you down into the mineshaft? It's not really a ride.
560 1 3 Health Care 90 Michael Its says here that it's a 300ft drop.
561 1 3 Health Care 90 Man on Phone It goes 300 feet into the earth, but it moves really slowly.
562 1 3 Health Care 90 Michael So it's not a free fall?
563 1 3 Health Care 90 Man on Phone It's an industrial coal elevator.
564 1 3 Health Care 90 Michael Uh, all right. Well, once you get down into the mine, what... you got laser tag or something?
565 1 3 Health Care 91 Michael OK, so I don't know what the surprise is. Am I worried? No. No way. See, I thrive on this. This is my world. This is improv. This is Whose Line is it Anyway?
566 1 3 Health Care 92 Dwight Damnit! Damnit Jim!
567 1 3 Health Care 92 Dwight All right, who did this? I'm not mad. I just want to know who did it so I can punish them.
568 1 3 Health Care 92 Jim What are you talking about?
569 1 3 Health Care 92 Dwight Uh, someone forged, uh, medical information and that is a felony.
570 1 3 Health Care 92 Jim OK, whoa. 'Cause that is a pretty intense accusation. How do you know that they're fake?
571 1 3 Health Care 92 Dwight Uh, leprosy? Flesh eating bacteria. Hot-dog fingers. Government-created killer nanorobot infection.
572 1 3 Health Care 92 Dwight You did this, didn't you?
573 1 3 Health Care 92 Jim Absolutely not.
574 1 3 Health Care 92 Dwight Yes you did.
575 1 3 Health Care 92 Jim No I didn't.
576 1 3 Health Care 92 Dwight I know it was you. Fine. You know what? I'll have to interview each and every one of you until the perpetrator makes him or herself known. And until that time, there will be no health care coverage for any one!
577 1 3 Health Care 93 Jim Killer nanorobots?
578 1 3 Health Care 93 Pam It's an epidemic.
579 1 3 Health Care 94 Dwight The problem, Jim, is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition won't receive the care they need, because someone in this office is coming up with all this ridiculous stuff. "Count Choculitis"
580 1 3 Health Care 94 Jim Sounds tough.
581 1 3 Health Care 94 Dwight Why did you write that down Jim? Is it because you know I love Count Chocula?
582 1 3 Health Care 94 Jim Do you?
583 1 3 Health Care 94 Dwight I think you need to confess...
584 1 3 Health Care 94 Jim Mmm hmm.
585 1 3 Health Care 94 Dwight ...the fact...
586 1 3 Health Care 94 Jim Yep.
587 1 3 Health Care 94 Dwight What are you doing? Those are my keys.
588 1 3 Health Care 94 Jim Good luck.
589 1 3 Health Care 94 Dwight Jim! Damnit! No! Jim! Let me out! Jim! Let...
590 1 3 Health Care 94 Stanley ...the light green or green...
591 1 3 Health Care 95 Jim Jim Halpert.
592 1 3 Health Care 95 Dwight Let me out.
593 1 3 Health Care 95 Jim Who is this?
594 1 3 Health Care 95 Dwight Let me out or you're fired.
595 1 3 Health Care 95 Jim No, you can't fire me.
596 1 3 Health Care 95 Dwight Yes I can. I'm manager for the day. Clean out your desk.
597 1 3 Health Care 95 Jim OK, can you hold on? I'm getting the, ah, beep. ] Jim Halpert.
598 1 3 Health Care 95 Pam Hey, Jim. It's Pam.
599 1 3 Health Care 95 Jim Hey Pam! How are you?
600 1 3 Health Care 95 Dwight Jim! Open the door!
601 1 3 Health Care 95 Pam Good, how are you? Busy?
602 1 3 Health Care 95 Jim I'm doing OK. Getting excited for the weekend though. What are you up to?
603 1 3 Health Care 95 Dwight Jim!
604 1 3 Health Care 95 Pam Um, I'm not bothering you, am I?
605 1 3 Health Care 95 Jim No, not at all.
606 1 3 Health Care 95 Pam You don't have anything you're doing?
607 1 3 Health Care 95 Jim I have nothing to do.
608 1 3 Health Care 95 Dwight Jim!
609 1 3 Health Care 95 Pam Oh great. Um, no, this weekend? Nothing. I'm not really doing anything.
610 1 3 Health Care 95 Dwight Jim!
611 1 3 Health Care 95 Jim Oh yeah?
612 1 3 Health Care 95 Pam I might go to the mall.
613 1 3 Health Care 95 Jim The mall?
614 1 3 Health Care 95 Dwight Jim!
615 1 3 Health Care 95 Pam I need new shoes.
616 1 3 Health Care 95 Jim Oh, interesting, what kind of shoes?
617 1 3 Health Care 96 Jan Hello?
618 1 3 Health Care 96 Dwight Uh, hello. Uh, this is Dwight Schrute calling for Jan Levenson-Gould.
619 1 3 Health Care 96 Jan This is Jan.
620 1 3 Health Care 96 Dwight Hi. Dwight Schrute calling, acting manager, Scranton branch. Listen, I needed your permission to fire Jim Halpert.
621 1 3 Health Care 96 Jan Who is this?
622 1 3 Health Care 96 Dwight Dwight Schrute.
623 1 3 Health Care 96 Jan From sales?
624 1 3 Health Care 96 Dwight Well...
625 1 3 Health Care 96 Jan Where's Michael Scott?
626 1 3 Health Care 96 Dwight He is not here right now. He put me in charge of the office.
627 1 3 Health Care 96 Jan Dwight, listen to me very carefully. You are not a manager of anything. Understand?
628 1 3 Health Care 96 Dwight That's not entirely true, because he put me in charge of picking the health care plan.
629 1 3 Health Care 96 Jan Really?
630 1 3 Health Care 96 Dwight Yeah.
631 1 3 Health Care 96 Jan OK, when Michael gets back, you tell him to call me immediately.
632 1 3 Health Care 96 Dwight Call you immediately. Good. Oh, hey, listen, um, since I have you on the phone, um, can I fire Jim?
633 1 3 Health Care 96 Jan No. Please don't use my cell phone ever again.
634 1 3 Health Care 96 Dwight Oh, this is your cell, I thought this was your...
635 1 3 Health Care 97 Michael Hey, hey, everybody, Ice-cream sandwiches! Aaaahh! Here you go. Take one, take one. It's all good. Phyllis, think fast. Ya-bome! Oh, oh, I see Angela. Angela? Right? Waaaaah! Oh, hey temp. Why don't you take two? Because you don't get health care. And uh, faster metabolism.
636 1 3 Health Care 97 Ryan Did you get the kind with the cookies? Instead of the...
637 1 3 Health Care 97 Michael Why don't you just eat it, OK? And here you go, Stanley the manly.
638 1 3 Health Care 97 Stanley Oh, thanks.
639 1 3 Health Care 97 Michael There you go.
640 1 3 Health Care 97 Stanley This isn't the big surprise, is it? Because we've been having a pretty horrible day.
641 1 3 Health Care 97 Michael Uh, nope. Nope. This isn't the surprise. It's surprising, um... because you didn't expect it. But you will... you'll know it when you see it.
642 1 3 Health Care 97 Dwight Michael. Michael?
643 1 3 Health Care 97 Michael Oh, Christ.
644 1 3 Health Care 98 Dwight I tried being rational, OK? And what happened? The employees went crazy, I got no help from corporate. That leaves me with no options.
645 1 3 Health Care 99 Dwight I'm now going to read out loud your submitted medical conditions. When you hear yours read, please raise your hand to indicate that it is real. If you do not raise your hand, it will not be covered.
646 1 3 Health Care 99 Stanley What about confidentiality?
647 1 3 Health Care 99 Dwight You know what? You have forfeited that privilege. I have tried to treat you all as adults, but obviously I am the only adult here. Number one, inverted pen1s.
648 1 3 Health Care 99 Meredith Could you mean vagina? Because if you do, I want that covered.
649 1 3 Health Care 99 Dwight I thought your vagina was removed during your hysterectomy?
650 1 3 Health Care 99 Meredith A uterus is different from a vagina. I still have a vagina.
651 1 3 Health Care 100 Dwight OK, great. Dermatitis. Thank you Angela. I'll make sure that's covered. OK, now. Who wrote this, hysterical one? anal fissures?
652 1 3 Health Care 100 Kevin That's a real thing.
653 1 3 Health Care 100 Dwight Yeah, but no one here has it.
654 1 3 Health Care 100 Kevin Someone has it.
655 1 3 Health Care 101 Kevin Do you think we should go ?
656 1 3 Health Care 101 Oscar I don't know, Kevin. This is important. I don't want... There he is.
657 1 3 Health Care 101 Kevin What is he doing?
658 1 3 Health Care 101 Oscar I don't know.
659 1 3 Health Care 102 Oscar Well?
660 1 3 Health Care 102 Michael Well, what? You could be referring to anything.
661 1 3 Health Care 102 Oscar OK, the health care plan.
662 1 3 Health Care 102 Pam Why did you put Dwight in charge of that? He did a horrible job.
663 1 3 Health Care 102 Michael Uh, Dwight? Did you raise benefits?
664 1 3 Health Care 102 Dwight I most certainly did not.
665 1 3 Health Care 102 Michael Oh come on! That's horrible! Aaah... Thanks, Dwight, for a crappy plan. Ah, Damn! Oh, mmm, I wish I had time to change it, but Jan needs it by five, and... what time is it, what time is it? Ah, it's after five. Oh, oh it's awful. So, well, OK. See you guys on Monday.
666 1 3 Health Care 102 Angela What about the surprise?
667 1 3 Health Care 102 Michael Oh... Yes. Exactly. Thank you Angela, for reminding me. Terrific. Um, before I tell everybody what the big surprise is, would you like to tell me what you think the big surprise is?
668 1 3 Health Care 102 Stanley We all think you don't have a surprise.
669 1 3 Health Care 102 Michael All right, I have some news for you. There is a big surprise. And... here it is. Here we go. And the big surprise is... Brrrrrrrr! Drum roll... Brrrrrrrr! Brrrrrrrr!
670 1 3 Health Care 103 Michael When I am backed into a corner, that is when I come alive. See I learned improve from the greats, like, um, Drew Carey and Ryan Stiles.
671 1 3 Health Care 104 Michael God, yeah... Ah! This...
672 1 3 Health Care 105 Michael Robin Williams. Oh, man, would I love to go head-to-head with him. Oh! That would be exciting. "Hi. I'm Mork from Ork." Well, I'm Bork from Spork. Nanoo, nanoo. Jibelee, baloobaloo.
673 1 3 Health Care 106 Dwight Oh, um... Jan wants you to call her.
674 1 4 The Alliance 107 Dwight Michael!?
675 1 4 The Alliance 107 Michael Oh! God. Dwight, come on...
676 1 4 The Alliance 107 Dwight I wanted to talk to you about the downsizing?
677 1 4 The Alliance 107 Michael There's no downsizing.
678 1 4 The Alliance 107 Dwight I, but if there were, I'd be protected as assistant regional manager?
679 1 4 The Alliance 107 Michael Assistant to the regional manager Dwight.
680 1 4 The Alliance 107 Dwight Yeah, so I don't have to worry?
681 1 4 The Alliance 107 Michael Look, look, look. I talked to corporate, about protecting the sales staff. And they said they couldn't guarantee it if there's downsizing, okay?
682 1 4 The Alliance 107 Michael But there's no downsizing, so just don't...
683 1 4 The Alliance 107 Dwight Bottom line. Do I need to be worried?
684 1 4 The Alliance 107 Michael Mmm, mm, mm. Maybe.
685 1 4 The Alliance 108 Michael It looks like there's gonna be downsizing. And it's part of my job, but... blah! I hate it. I think the main difference between me and Donald Trump is that, uh, I get no pleasure out of saying the words, "You're fired." "You're foir-ed. Uh, you're foir-ed." It just makes people sad, and an office can't function that way. No way. "You're foir-ed." I think if I had a catchphrase it would be, "You're hired, and you can work here as long as you want." But that's unrealistic, so...
686 1 4 The Alliance 109 Dwight It's a real shame, 'cause studies have shown that more information gets passed through water-cooler gossip than through official memos. Which puts me at a disadvantage, because I bring my own water to work.
687 1 4 The Alliance 110 Stanley Why'd you do this?
688 1 4 The Alliance 110 Dwight I didn't do it. What do you mean? Oh, the water cooler was brought over here for... maintenance. So what do you guys hear? What's the scuttlebutt?
689 1 4 The Alliance 111 Michael Get set for Operation Morale Improvement starring Michael Scott. Now, I think I have had a little stroke of genius in that I have had my assistant Pam... Smile, Pam. I have had her go out and find out whose birthday is coming up, so we can have a little celebration for it. Not bad, not bad at all. All right. And the birthday person is... drum roll please. Here we go, who is the birthday, birthday person?
690 1 4 The Alliance 111 Michael Who is it? Who's the birthday?
691 1 4 The Alliance 111 Pam Um... Actually, we don't have any staff birthdays coming up.
692 1 4 The Alliance 111 Michael Next person on the...
693 1 4 The Alliance 111 Pam Oh.
694 1 4 The Alliance 111 Michael ...calendar.
695 1 4 The Alliance 111 Pam Okay, umm... that would be Meredith.
696 1 4 The Alliance 111 Michael Yes! All right, come on down Meredith!
697 1 4 The Alliance 111 Pam But it's not until next month.
698 1 4 The Alliance 111 Michael Um... uh, OK. Well, great, well, you know, it'll be a surprise.
699 1 4 The Alliance 111 Pam You still want to have a party?
700 1 4 The Alliance 111 Michael Yeah, why not? Sure. Go ahead, live a little. Come on, Pam. Come on, shake it up. Shake it up! Shake it up!
701 1 4 The Alliance 111 Michael Brrrp! Uh, Spock, are there any signs of life down there? Well, let me check Captain. Eeee. Eeee. Eeee. Eeee. No, Captain. No signs of life down here. Just a wet blanket named Pam. Brr-rrrp. Star Trek.
702 1 4 The Alliance 112 Phyllis Well, uh, for decorations, maybe we could... it's stupid, forget it.
703 1 4 The Alliance 112 Angela What?
704 1 4 The Alliance 112 Phyllis I was just going to say, maybe we could have streamers, but that's dumb, everybody has streamers. Never mind.
705 1 4 The Alliance 112 Angela No, yeah, I think that's a good idea.
706 1 4 The Alliance 112 Phyllis Yeah?
707 1 4 The Alliance 112 Angela What color do you guys think?
708 1 4 The Alliance 112 Phyllis Well, there's green, um, blue... yellow... red...
709 1 4 The Alliance 112 Pam How about green?
710 1 4 The Alliance 112 Angela I think green is kind of whoreish.
711 1 4 The Alliance 113 Pam This was tough. I suggested we flip a coin. But Angela said she doesn't like to gamble. Of course by saying that she was gambling that I wouldn't smack her.
712 1 4 The Alliance 114 Michael These are my party-planning beeyatches. Pulled off an amazing '80s party last year. Off the hook!
713 1 4 The Alliance 114 Michael So I was thinking, if you haven't already got a cake, um, maybe going for one of those ice-cream cakes from Baskin-Robbins. Those are very good. Very Delicious.
714 1 4 The Alliance 114 Angela Meredith's allergic to dairy, so...
715 1 4 The Alliance 114 Michael She's not the only one that's going to be eating it, right? I think everybody likes ice-cream cake. It's not, uh, it's not just about her, so...
716 1 4 The Alliance 114 Pam It is... her birthday.
717 1 4 The Alliance 114 Michael Mint chocolate chip! That'd be good, how about some, mint chocolate chip?
718 1 4 The Alliance 115 Dwight Hey, so listen, I was thinking that it might be a good idea if you and I formed an alliance. 'Cause of the downsizing? I think an alliance might be a good idea, you know. Help each other out.
719 1 4 The Alliance 115 Dwight Do you want to form, an alliance, with me?
720 1 4 The Alliance 115 Jim Absolutely, I do.
721 1 4 The Alliance 115 Dwight Good, good. Excellent, OK. Now we need to figure out who's vulnerable and who's protected...
722 1 4 The Alliance 116 Jim At that moment, I was so happy. I mean, everything Dwight does annoys me.
723 1 4 The Alliance 117 Dwight Did you get your tickets?
724 1 4 The Alliance 117 Jim To what?
725 1 4 The Alliance 117 Dwight The gun show.
726 1 4 The Alliance 118 Jim And I spend hours thinking of ways to get back at him, but only in ways that could get me arrested. And then here he comes and he says "No, Jim, here's a way."
727 1 4 The Alliance 119 Dwight There's one other thing and this is important. Let's keep this alliance totally a secret. Don't tell anyone.
728 1 4 The Alliance 120 Pam An alliance?
729 1 4 The Alliance 120 Jim Oh yeah.
730 1 4 The Alliance 120 Pam What does that even mean?
731 1 4 The Alliance 120 Jim I think it has something to do with Survivor, but I'm not sure.
732 1 4 The Alliance 120 Jim Um, I know that it involves spying on people and we may build a fort, underground.
733 1 4 The Alliance 120 Dwight Jim! Hey. Hi, Pam. Listen, could I talk to you a second about the... paper products?
734 1 4 The Alliance 121 Dwight Did you tell Pam about the alliance?
735 1 4 The Alliance 121 Jim What? No.
736 1 4 The Alliance 121 Dwight Just now.
737 1 4 The Alliance 121 Jim What? Oh no no no. Dwight, no. I'm using her, for the alliance. Who knows the most information about this office? Pam.
738 1 4 The Alliance 121 Dwight Right, that's good, good, pursue this.
739 1 4 The Alliance 121 Jim Well I'm trying to. Do you see what I'm doing?
740 1 4 The Alliance 121 Dwight Mmm hmm.
741 1 4 The Alliance 121 Jim But listen, I'm going to have to talk to her a lot. All right? And there may be chatting, and giggling. And you gotta just pretend to ignore it. Wipe it away.
742 1 4 The Alliance 121 Dwight Done.
743 1 4 The Alliance 121 Jim All right.
744 1 4 The Alliance 122 Michael Can you get her? She's right there. That is Meredith, the birthday girl. And this... is Meredith's card. Happy Bird-Day. Um, let's see. Jim, Jim wrote, "Meredith, I heard you're turning 46, but, come on, you're an accountant. Just fudge the numbers." Not bad, pretty funny, I don't appreciate condoning corporate fraud though. Uh, here's the thing. Whatever I write here has to be really, really funny. Because people out there are expecting it. I've already set the bar really high. And they're all worried about their jobs, you know. It's kinda dark out there. Can you imagine if I wrote something like, uh, "Oh, Meredith. Happy Birthday. You're great. Love, Michael."
745 1 4 The Alliance 123 Dwight They seem awfully chummy, don't you think?
746 1 4 The Alliance 123 Jim Yeah, what do you think that's about?
747 1 4 The Alliance 123 Dwight Only one way to find out.
748 1 4 The Alliance 123 Jim I'm on it.
749 1 4 The Alliance 124 Jim You are not going to believe this.
750 1 4 The Alliance 124 Dwight What? I believe it.
751 1 4 The Alliance 124 Jim Well, tensions were high in the kitchen.
752 1 4 The Alliance 124 Dwight I could tell, from the body language.
753 1 4 The Alliance 125 Jim Hey Kev, that looks good. What is it? Turkey?
754 1 4 The Alliance 125 Kevin Italian.
755 1 4 The Alliance 125 Jim Oh, Italian. Nice. Wow! You got the works there. Red onion, provolone...
756 1 4 The Alliance 125 Kevin Yeah.
757 1 4 The Alliance 126 Jim Toby and Kevin, they're trying to get Angela kicked off.
758 1 4 The Alliance 126 Dwight Good, let 'em. It helps our cause.
759 1 4 The Alliance 126 Jim Well, I don't know, if Kevin's in accounting, and Toby's in Human Resources and they're talking...
760 1 4 The Alliance 126 Dwight Oh, they're forming an alliance
761 1 4 The Alliance 127 Toby I love their sandwiches.
762 1 4 The Alliance 127 Jim I love their sandwiches too.
763 1 4 The Alliance 127 Kevin Their bread's really good.
764 1 4 The Alliance 127 Jim Their bread is very good.
765 1 4 The Alliance 128 Dwight Damn it. God!
766 1 4 The Alliance 128 Jim OK, listen, we need to assume that everyone in the office is forming an alliance and is therefore trying to get us kicked off.
767 1 4 The Alliance 128 Dwight God... Damn it! Why us?
768 1 4 The Alliance 128 Jim Because we're strong, Dwight. Because we're strong.
769 1 4 The Alliance 129 Michael Meredith, Meredith... Meri... Mary had a little lamb. Mary... Meredith had a little lamb. Don't bring that lamb to work or it'll poop on the floor.
770 1 4 The Alliance 129 Michael Hey, Oscar! Come on in. What's up?
771 1 4 The Alliance 129 Oscar Uh, I'm sorry to bother you.
772 1 4 The Alliance 129 Michael Oh, not at all. Come on in. What's going on?
773 1 4 The Alliance 129 Oscar My nephew is involved with, um, a charity for cerebral palsy, and I was wondering if maybe you'd like to... you know... if...
774 1 4 The Alliance 129 Michael What?
775 1 4 The Alliance 129 Oscar Donate to the charity?
776 1 4 The Alliance 129 Michael Oh, God. Of course I would. Get it over here. Get that over here.
777 1 4 The Alliance 129 Oscar Thank you.
778 1 4 The Alliance 129 Michael No, I'm always good... for some serious buckage. Wow. Two dollars, three dollars? People out here do not care about diseases. I am going to give you... $25.
779 1 4 The Alliance 129 Oscar That's... that's... that's very generous.
780 1 4 The Alliance 129 Michael Oh, my gosh, well... Listen, Oscar, generosity and togetherness and community all convalescences into... morale. That's what I say, so...
781 1 4 The Alliance 130 Pam Hey, Jim, can I talk to you for a second?
782 1 4 The Alliance 130 Jim Sure, what's up?
783 1 4 The Alliance 130 Pam Um, I don't know, I'm just like, I'm going a little crazy 'cause I keep overhearing all these conversations between Michael and corporate about like, staff issues?
784 1 4 The Alliance 130 Jim Oh no?
785 1 4 The Alliance 130 Pam Yeah, he's making me take notes on these meetings and I'm, like, "These people are my friends." But he's all like, "This is confidential. You can't tell anybody." But I just feel like I want to... aaah. Just promise me you're not gonna say anything.
786 1 4 The Alliance 130 Jim No, will not, I'm not going to tell anybody. This is between you and me.
787 1 4 The Alliance 130 Pam OK, yeah.
788 1 4 The Alliance 130 Dwight Jackpot.
789 1 4 The Alliance 131 Jim That was beautiful. All her idea too. Awesome. She is so great.
790 1 4 The Alliance 132 Michael Meredith, bad breath. Meredith has bad breath.
791 1 4 The Alliance 132 Dwight Hey, you wanted to see me?
792 1 4 The Alliance 132 Michael Yeah. What do you know about Meredith?
793 1 4 The Alliance 132 Dwight I don't think she'd be missed.
794 1 4 The Alliance 132 Michael There's not going to be downsizing Dwight, OK? I just, I need to know a little bit more about my friend.
795 1 4 The Alliance 132 Dwight Name, Meredith Palmer. Uh, personal information, divorced twice, two kids. Uh, Employer, Dunder Mifflin Paper Incorporated. Awards, multiple Dundies.
796 1 4 The Alliance 132 Michael I know all that. I know all that. I just, I need something kind of embarrassing, you know. Kind of fun, inside.
797 1 4 The Alliance 132 Dwight She had a hysterectomy.
798 1 4 The Alliance 132 Michael Which one is that again?
799 1 4 The Alliance 132 Dwight That's where they remove the uterus.
800 1 4 The Alliance 132 Michael Oh God! Dwight, no. I'm trying to write something funny. What am I going to do with a removed uterus?
801 1 4 The Alliance 132 Dwight It could be kind of funny.
802 1 4 The Alliance 132 Michael You know what, I am on a deadline here, and just... OK. Thanks, thanks for your help. I'll work it out. Thank you Dwight. That was a waste of time.
803 1 4 The Alliance 133 Jim OK, here's the deal. All right? Pam says that one of the alliances is meeting in the warehouse during Meredith's birthday.
804 1 4 The Alliance 133 Dwight Oh my God, we have to be there.
805 1 4 The Alliance 133 Jim I know, but it's gonna be a little tough because there's no good place to hide there.
806 1 4 The Alliance 133 Dwight No no, yes there is. Behind the shelves. Oh my God.
807 1 4 The Alliance 133 Jim What? What?
808 1 4 The Alliance 133 Dwight I know. I know exactly what to do.
809 1 4 The Alliance 133 Jim Great.
810 1 4 The Alliance 134 Dwight I'm a deer hunter. I go all the time with my dad. One thing about deer, they have very good vision. One thing about me, I am better at hiding than they are... at vision.
811 1 4 The Alliance 135 Dwight This is going to be perfect, OK? Centrally located. Perfect cover. I can hear and see everything.
812 1 4 The Alliance 135 Jim Good.
813 1 4 The Alliance 136 Ryan Michael? Are you done yet?
814 1 4 The Alliance 136 Michael Almost there. Just a sec. Just a second. It is perfect, thank you. Excellent, here we go. It is time, thank you. OK, come on. Let's go! Get the cake. Here we go. Come on! Shhh. Be quiet.
815 1 4 The Alliance 137 Jim Wait, this isn't gonna work. The lid's open.
816 1 4 The Alliance 137 Dwight So tape it down.
817 1 4 The Alliance 137 Jim I can't do that. You won't be able to breathe.
818 1 4 The Alliance 137 Dwight Look, I can breathe just fine. OK, but if it makes you feel better, I'll poke holes in the box.
819 1 4 The Alliance 137 Jim Thank you, thank you. OK.
820 1 4 The Alliance 138 Everybody Surprise!
821 1 4 The Alliance 138 Meredith Oh! Surprise.
822 1 4 The Alliance 138 Angela No, it's ah...
823 1 4 The Alliance 138 Michael It's surprise Meredith. One, two...
824 1 4 The Alliance 138 Everybody Happy birthday to you.
825 1 4 The Alliance 138 Michael Find a key.
826 1 4 The Alliance 138 Everybody Happy birthday...
827 1 4 The Alliance 139 Jim So do you want me to stay here and, you know, stand next to the box?
828 1 4 The Alliance 139 Dwight No, you need to go upstairs to the party so people don't notice we're both gone.
829 1 4 The Alliance 139 Jim Right... That's good.
830 1 4 The Alliance 140 Dwight Can I trust Jim? I don't know. Do I have a choice? No, frankly, I don't. Will I trust Jim? Yes. Should I trust Jim? You tell me.
831 1 4 The Alliance 141 Everybody ... birthday, dear Meredith Happy birthday to you...
832 1 4 The Alliance 141 Michael And many more!
833 1 4 The Alliance 142 Stanley Last year, five years ago...
834 1 4 The Alliance 142 Michael You were surprised, weren't you?
835 1 4 The Alliance 142 Meredith Yes.
836 1 4 The Alliance 142 Michael You looked freaked, man. We said "Surprise." You were, like, "What?" "What the hell's goin' on here?" Good cake. Why don't you have some?
837 1 4 The Alliance 142 Meredith Uh, I can't. Um...
838 1 4 The Alliance 142 Michael Come on. A little bit.
839 1 4 The Alliance 142 Meredith I can't eat dairy.
840 1 4 The Alliance 142 Michael Oh, right. God, too bad. It's so good.
841 1 4 The Alliance 142 Meredith Yeah, it makes me sick.
842 1 4 The Alliance 142 Michael You know what? If I were allergic to dairy, I think I'd kill myself. 'Cause this is way, way too good.
843 1 4 The Alliance 143 Pam He's in a box?
844 1 4 The Alliance 143 Jim Pam, he's in a box. He's downstairs, in a box, on the floor, near the shelves. I'm serious. Go down there and work your magic.
845 1 4 The Alliance 144 Pam Hey where are you? Yeah, we were supposed to meet here. What? Oh my gosh! That ties in perfectly with something that Michael was telling me earlier! I just don't know what some of the people in, like, accounting are going to do? It said specifically that...
846 1 4 The Alliance 144 Dwight Oh.
847 1 4 The Alliance 145 Michael Jim, good party, huh? Just a little something I whipped up. You know, a little morale boost. No big deal.
848 1 4 The Alliance 145 Jim Speaking of which, I meant to tell you. Very impressive, the uh, donation you gave to Oscar's charity. What was it? 25 bucks?
849 1 4 The Alliance 145 Michael Well, you know, money isn't everything Jim. It's not the key to happiness. You know what is? Joy. You should remember that. Maybe you'll give more than three dollars next time.
850 1 4 The Alliance 145 Jim Yeah, well, three dollars a mile. It's gonna end up being like 50 bucks. So... God, I can't even calculate what you're gonna have to give.
851 1 4 The Alliance 145 Michael Is Oscar around?
852 1 4 The Alliance 146 Michael I just thought it was kind of a flat, you know... 25 dollar, one-time donation. I didn't think it was per mile kinda deal. You know, so...
853 1 4 The Alliance 146 Oscar Well, that's what a walk-a-thon is.
854 1 4 The Alliance 146 Michael I know...
855 1 4 The Alliance 146 Oscar It says it right on the sheet. Look, look at the sheet. It says, "However many dollars per mile."
856 1 4 The Alliance 146 Michael Right. Got it. Yes. So it does. Um...
857 1 4 The Alliance 146 Oscar I just think it's kind of cheap to un-donate money to a charity.
858 1 4 The Alliance 146 Michael No, no, no, no, no. That wasn't what I wasn't, that wasn't... No. It-it-it's not about the money. It's just... it... it's the ethics of the thing, Oscar. How's your nephew? Is he in good shape?
859 1 4 The Alliance 146 Oscar Yeah.
860 1 4 The Alliance 146 Michael How many miles did he do last year?
861 1 4 The Alliance 146 Oscar Last year, he walked 18 miles.
862 1 4 The Alliance 146 Michael Son of a bitch. That is impressive.
863 1 4 The Alliance 147 Pam Happy Birthday.
864 1 4 The Alliance 147 Michael Read it out loud. And say who wrote everything so we know whose is the best.
865 1 4 The Alliance 147 Meredith "Happy Bird-day" Um... "Meredith, good news. You're not actually a year older because you work here, where time stands still."
866 1 4 The Alliance 147 Michael I don't know about that.
867 1 4 The Alliance 147 Meredith That was Stanley. "Meredith, happy birthday, you're the best. Love, Pam."
868 1 4 The Alliance 147 Michael Huh! Thanks, downer.
869 1 4 The Alliance 147 Meredith This is from Michael. "Meredith, let's hope the only downsizing that happens to you is that someone downsizes your age."
870 1 4 The Alliance 147 Michael Because of the downsizing. Rumors. And because you're gettin' old.
871 1 4 The Alliance 147 Meredith No, I... I get it. It's funny.
872 1 4 The Alliance 147 Michael You didn't get the joke. So, that's cool. That's, you know what? Actually... I have a bunch of these, good ones, that I didn't use. Um... Oh, where's that? Oh, OK, here's a good one. Um... "Hey Meredith, Liz Taylor called, she wants her age back and her divorces back." 'Cause Meredith's been divorced like, twice. Is that right?
873 1 4 The Alliance 147 Meredith You're right. You're right. Yes.
874 1 4 The Alliance 147 Michael Divorce. Um... OK, "Meredith is so old..."
875 1 4 The Alliance 147 Oscar How old is she?
876 1 4 The Alliance 147 Michael Everybody? If... could do it? "Meredith is so old..."
877 1 4 The Alliance 147 Everybody How old is she?
878 1 4 The Alliance 147 Michael "She's so old, she went into an antique store and they kept her."
879 1 4 The Alliance 147 Michael That wasn't even mine. I got that off the Internet. Website. Um, don't get mad at me.
880 1 4 The Alliance 147 Oscar Uh, nice party Michael.
881 1 4 The Alliance 147 Michael This isn't my fault. Ladies, not your best effort. The streamers? I think we could have done better than that.
882 1 4 The Alliance 147 Angela Phyllis wanted red, I didn't.
883 1 4 The Alliance 147 Phyllis Oh, boy... You...
884 1 4 The Alliance 147 Michael OK, we... all right. People, hold on, hold on. Just a second. OK, I think we're losing sight of what is really important here. And that is that we are... a group of people... who work together. I was... I really wasn't gonna flaunt this. I have made a very sizable donation to Oscar's nephew's... walkathon. $25.
885 1 4 The Alliance 147 Oscar Per mile.
886 1 4 The Alliance 147 Michael Per mile, yes.
887 1 4 The Alliance 148 Michael When I retire, I... don't want to just disappear to an island somewhere. I wanna be the guy who gives everything back.
888 1 4 The Alliance 149 Michael A check for the kids, and for the team.
889 1 4 The Alliance 150 Michael I want it to be like... "Hey, who donated that hospital wing that is saving so many lives?" "Um, well, I don't, I don't know. It was anonymous." "Well, guess what, that was Michael Scott." "But it was anonymous, how do you know?" "Because I'm him."
890 1 4 The Alliance 151 Oscar Thank you, Michael.
891 1 4 The Alliance 151 Michael Come here. Don't cash that till Friday, OK?
892 1 4 The Alliance 152 Toby Really? Today?
893 1 4 The Alliance 152 Ryan Yeah.
894 1 4 The Alliance 152 Toby Oh, Happy Birthday.
895 1 4 The Alliance 152 Ryan Thanks.
896 1 4 The Alliance 152 Toby Yeah, I could say something.
897 1 4 The Alliance 152 Ryan No, don't. Don't do that.
898 1 4 The Alliance 153 Jim OK, OK. I have something that totally tops the box.
899 1 4 The Alliance 153 Pam Oh, tell me, tell me.
900 1 4 The Alliance 153 Jim OK. I have just convinced Dwight that he needs to go to Stamford and... ... spy on our other branch. No no no.
901 1 4 The Alliance 153 Jim But before he does so, I told him that he should dye his hair to go undercover.
902 1 4 The Alliance 153 Pam That's perfect!
903 1 4 The Alliance 153 Jim If we can get him to drive to Connecticut... and put peroxide in his hair...
904 1 4 The Alliance 153 Roy What the hell is this? What are you trying to cop a feel or something? Huh Halpert?
905 1 4 The Alliance 153 Jim No, no, dude, no.
906 1 4 The Alliance 153 Pam Hey, Hey!
907 1 4 The Alliance 153 Jim No, dude, no, I was just, listen! Whoa.
908 1 4 The Alliance 153 Pam Come on.
909 1 4 The Alliance 153 Jim God, I don't even, I don't even know how to explain this. Uh, um... Dwight, uh, asked me to be in an alliance. And then um... um... we were... we've just been messing with him. Uh, because of the whole alliance thing. Um...
910 1 4 The Alliance 153 Pam It's just office pranks.
911 1 4 The Alliance 153 Jim It's stupid. It's, it's just office pranks.
912 1 4 The Alliance 153 Roy An alliance? What the hell is he talking about?
913 1 4 The Alliance 153 Dwight I have absolutely no idea.
914 1 4 The Alliance 153 Roy Come on.
915 1 4 The Alliance 154 Dwight Do I feel bad about betraying Jim? Not at all. That's the game. Convince him we're in an alliance, get some information, throw him to the wolves.
916 1 4 The Alliance 154 Dwight That's politics baby. Get what you can out of someone, then crush them. I think Jim might have learned a very valuable lesson.
917 1 5 Basketball 155 Michael Hey, you ready?
918 1 5 Basketball 155 Michael All right, all right, secret sign. Hey, Ryan. Very good. Excellent, excellent.
919 1 5 Basketball 155 Dwight Michael!
920 1 5 Basketball 156 Michael Today at lunchtime we're going to be playing the warehouse staff at a friendly little game of basketball. My idea. Last time I was down there, I noticed they'd put up a couple of hoops, and I play basketball every weekend. So I thought, "This might be kinda fun." And so I started messing around and... I'm sinking a few, you know. Swish, swish, swish. Nothing but net. And their jaws just dropped to the floor. African-Americans! So... you know, it's really just a good friendly game, a reason to get together.
921 1 5 Basketball 157 Michael Pam, Pam, thank you ma'am. Messages, please. Thank you.
922 1 5 Basketball 157 Dwight Michael, can I talk to you, please? Privately? In your office? I think I should be on the team.
923 1 5 Basketball 157 Michael No. And that's not me being mean, Dwight. That is based on your past behavior.
924 1 5 Basketball 157 Dwight Oh, please.
925 1 5 Basketball 157 Michael When I let him come to my pick-up game...
926 1 5 Basketball 157 Dwight I apologized for that.
927 1 5 Basketball 157 Michael I vouched for you.
928 1 5 Basketball 157 Dwight Michael, I...
929 1 5 Basketball 157 Michael I vouched for you in front of Todd Packer, Dwight. All right, here's what I'm going to do. The hand strikes and gives a flower. You are not going to play basketball. But I need somebody to come in and take over the holiday and weekend work calendar.
930 1 5 Basketball 157 Dwight I can handle that.
931 1 5 Basketball 157 Michael Good. Excellent, it'll be fun. Because corporate, uh, wants someone to be here on Saturday. And so we're going to have to have some people come in on the weekend, and I know nobody's gonna want to do it and I know everybody's gonna complain and bitch and I don't want to have to deal with that.
932 1 5 Basketball 157 Dwight And that's why you have an assistant regional manager.
933 1 5 Basketball 157 Michael Yes it is. Assistant to the regional manager.
934 1 5 Basketball 157 Dwight Same thing.
935 1 5 Basketball 157 Michael No, it's not. It's lower, so...
936 1 5 Basketball 157 Dwight It's close.
937 1 5 Basketball 158 Dwight So we need someone to work this Saturday and I think that, that should be...Jim.
938 1 5 Basketball 158 Jim God, this is so sad. This is the smallest amount of power I've ever seen go to someone's head. Phyllis, can you believe this?
939 1 5 Basketball 158 Phyllis Keep me out of it.
940 1 5 Basketball 159 Pam My fiance has plans for us this Saturday. So I really hope that Dwight doesn't make me work. Maybe I should sleep with him? I'm kidding, kidding. Totally kidding.
941 1 5 Basketball 160 Michael All right, managing by walking around. This is our warehouse. Or, as I like to call it, the whorehouse. But don't you call it that, I've earned the right.
942 1 5 Basketball 160 Ryan Fine, don't worry about that.
943 1 5 Basketball 160 Michael And here we have "Mister Roger's Neighborhood." Come on over here. Hey, this is Ryan. He's temping upstairs.
944 1 5 Basketball 160 Lonny What's up?
945 1 5 Basketball 160 Michael And this is the foreman. Mista Ra-jahs.
946 1 5 Basketball 160 Darryl It's not my real name.
947 1 5 Basketball 160 Michael No, it's Darryl. Darryl is Mista Ra-jahs.
948 1 5 Basketball 160 Ryan Darryl Rogers?
949 1 5 Basketball 160 Darryl Darryl Philbin. Then Regis, then Rege, then Roger, then Mister Rogers.
950 1 5 Basketball 160 Michael And that is Lonny. And this is Roy. Roy dates Pam. You know, the uh, the best looking one upstairs.
951 1 5 Basketball 160 Ryan Yeah, yeah.
952 1 5 Basketball 160 Michael You still getting it regular man? Huh? I mean, I can tell her it's part of the job! Rapport!
953 1 5 Basketball 161 Pam No, no, I know that the warranty's expired, but isn't it supposed to last longer than two years if it isn't defective? OK, fine, three years.
954 1 5 Basketball 162 Jim Pam gets a little down. Her toaster oven broke. Um, which she got at her engagement shower. Um, for a wedding that still has yet to be set... and that was three years ago.
955 1 5 Basketball 163 Michael So, um, one o'clock sharp and we've got a game on.
956 1 5 Basketball 163 Darryl We're loading at one.
957 1 5 Basketball 163 Michael Oh, I see, you're chickening out on me. You're bailing on me.
958 1 5 Basketball 163 Darryl No, we got a truck going out at 1:15. So, that's the busy time.
959 1 5 Basketball 163 Michael Oh, well, I'm glad that some time is a busy time because whenever I'm down here it doesn't seem too busy to me. Oh, oh. You can dish it out, but you can't take it. OK, fine, have it your way.
960 1 5 Basketball 163 Darryl All right, fine, you know what? One o'clock.
961 1 5 Basketball 163 Michael All right, see you at one.
962 1 5 Basketball 164 Michael Are we ready for the game?
963 1 5 Basketball 164 Everybody Yeah.
964 1 5 Basketball 164 Michael I... yeah, yeah. I know, grumble, grumble. But you would follow me to the ends of the earth, grumbling all the way. Like that, uh, dwarf from Lord of the Rings.
965 1 5 Basketball 164 Dwight Gimli.
966 1 5 Basketball 164 Michael Nerd. That is why you're not on the team.
967 1 5 Basketball 164 Dwight Just trying to be helpful.
968 1 5 Basketball 164 Michael Uh, "I'll help, Elwyn Dragonslayer, uh, ten points, power sword."
969 1 5 Basketball 164 Jim That's him.
970 1 5 Basketball 164 Michael OK, so, let's put together a starting line-up, shall we? Stanley of course.
971 1 5 Basketball 164 Stanley I'm sorry?
972 1 5 Basketball 164 Michael Um, what do you play? Center?
973 1 5 Basketball 164 Stanley Why "of course"?
974 1 5 Basketball 164 Michael Uh...
975 1 5 Basketball 164 Stanley What's that supposed to mean?
976 1 5 Basketball 164 Michael Uh, I don't know. I don't remember saying that.
977 1 5 Basketball 164 Jim Uh, I heard it.
978 1 5 Basketball 164 Michael Well, people hear a lot of things, man. Um... other starters... Me, of course. I heard it that time.
979 1 5 Basketball 164 Phyllis I'd like to play if it's just for fun. I played basketball in school.
980 1 5 Basketball 164 Michael Um... Yeah. Who else? We have Jim. We have Ryan, the new guy, right? Untested. Willing to prove himself now. A lot of passion, a lot of heart.
981 1 5 Basketball 164 Ryan But, I'm getting paid to skip lunch?
982 1 5 Basketball 164 Michael Yes.
983 1 5 Basketball 164 Ryan OK.
984 1 5 Basketball 164 Michael Yes, this is business. The, uh, business of team building and morale boosting. Uh, who else?
985 1 5 Basketball 164 Oscar I can help out, if you need me.
986 1 5 Basketball 164 Michael I will use your talents come baseball season, my friend. Or if we box.
987 1 5 Basketball 164 Kevin I have a hoop in my driveway.
988 1 5 Basketball 164 Michael No.
989 1 5 Basketball 164 Phyllis I have a sports bra.
990 1 5 Basketball 164 Michael No, no, ridiculous.
991 1 5 Basketball 164 Dwight Michael, look. Missed it...
992 1 5 Basketball 164 Michael Close. All right, uh... Me, Stan the man, Jim, Ryan and Dwight.
993 1 5 Basketball 164 Dwight Yes!
994 1 5 Basketball 164 Michael Sorry Phyllis.
995 1 5 Basketball 164 Dwight Can I be team captain?
996 1 5 Basketball 164 Michael No, I'm team captain.
997 1 5 Basketball 164 Dwight Can I be team manager?
998 1 5 Basketball 164 Michael No, I am the team manager. You can be assistant to the team manager.
999 1 5 Basketball 164 Dwight Assistant team manager?
1000 1 5 Basketball 164 Michael No.
1001 1 5 Basketball 164 Dwight OK, we'll see who's working this weekend then.
1002 1 5 Basketball 164 Michael Jim, you're in charge of the vacation schedule now.
1003 1 5 Basketball 164 Jim Oh my God.
1004 1 5 Basketball 164 Michael Threat neutralized.
1005 1 5 Basketball 165 Michael Off the backboard!
1006 1 5 Basketball 165 Pam Please don't throw garbage at me.
1007 1 5 Basketball 165 Michael Oh, Pam with a zinger. Hey, Pam, how would you, like to be our cheerleader today? You know, some, ah, pigtails? A little, ah, halter top, you could tie that up. And you know, something a little, just, youthful, for a change. Just this once?
1008 1 5 Basketball 165 Pam I don't think so Michael. Besides, I can't cheer against my fiance.
1009 1 5 Basketball 165 Jim I'll do it. Wear a little flouncey skirt if you want, and...
1010 1 5 Basketball 165 Michael Yeah, I bet you would. Just try not to be too gay on the court. And by gay I mean, um, you know, not in a homosexual way at all. I mean the uh, you know, like the bad-at-sports way. I think that goes without saying.
1011 1 5 Basketball 165 Pam Maybe Angela would cheerlead.
1012 1 5 Basketball 165 Michael Oh, yeah right.
1013 1 5 Basketball 165 Phyllis I'll do it.
1014 1 5 Basketball 165 Michael Oh, yuck, that's worse than you playing. ... 'Cause we need you as an alternate in case somebody gets hurt. That's where we need you. Blessed be those who sit and wait. You made it, suit up, you're on the team! All right, cool! Very good.
1015 1 5 Basketball 166 Michael Oh-oh. Oh-oh. A spy from the warehouse. Trying to figure out our plays, huh, man?
1016 1 5 Basketball 166 Darryl Just getting a tea bag.
1017 1 5 Basketball 166 Michael Oh ho, oh, he's running. He's running. He's running, but he can't hide because you know what? One o'clock, you better bring your 'A' game. Because me, and my, posse guys are gonna be in your face. Right in your face!
1018 1 5 Basketball 166 Darryl Why don't we make it more interesting? Loser buys dinner at Farley's.
1019 1 5 Basketball 166 Michael Whoa-ho. I like the way you think. You know what, I'm gonna take that one step further. Loser, works, on Saturday.
1020 1 5 Basketball 166 Darryl No, that's not as much fun. You know what?
1021 1 5 Basketball 166 Michael What?
1022 1 5 Basketball 166 Darryl You're on.
1023 1 5 Basketball 166 Michael OK. Cool, you're on. Don't screw this up.
1024 1 5 Basketball 167 Michael Classic beginner's mistake, eating before a game.
1025 1 5 Basketball 168 Angela Has anyone seen the first-aid kit? How many times have I told you? I'm the safety officer, not you.
1026 1 5 Basketball 169 Jim Basketball? It was kind of my thing in high school. And I'm, yeah, I'm looking forward to playing. You know, I think I'm gonna impress a few people in here.
1027 1 5 Basketball 170 Jim You coming down?
1028 1 5 Basketball 170 Pam Yeah, I'm just forwarding the phones.
1029 1 5 Basketball 170 Jim You gonna wish me luck?
1030 1 5 Basketball 170 Pam Yeah, you're gonna need it.
1031 1 5 Basketball 170 Jim Whoa.
1032 1 5 Basketball 170 Jim Is that trash talk from Pam?
1033 1 5 Basketball 170 Pam I'm just saying, Roy is very competitive.
1034 1 5 Basketball 170 Jim Oh.
1035 1 5 Basketball 170 Pam And he wants to take the WaveRunners to the lake this Saturday so...
1036 1 5 Basketball 170 Jim Well, I'm going to the outlet mall on Saturday, so if you wanna save big on brand names and Roy has to work, which he will, because I'm also competitive, you should feel free to come along.
1037 1 5 Basketball 170 Pam Um, I think I'm gonna be up at the lake.
1038 1 5 Basketball 170 Jim I think I'll see you at the mall. Yeah.
1039 1 5 Basketball 171 Michael Hey, there he is! Secret weapon! All right, guys, come on, let's bring it in! Here we go! OK, listen, this is just going to be a friendly game, right? We are all on the same team here, the Dunder Mifflin team. Of course, if you beat us, you're fired. That's a joke. OK, let's do it.
1040 1 5 Basketball 171 Jim Have a good game man.
1041 1 5 Basketball 171 Roy Yeah, you too. Should be fun.
1042 1 5 Basketball 171 Michael All right, everybody stretch out a little bit. Stretch it. Full stretch. Ryan, you wanna stretch?
1043 1 5 Basketball 171 Ryan I stretched before I came.
1044 1 5 Basketball 171 Michael OK.
1045 1 5 Basketball 172 Michael OK, Ryan, you have Darryl. I have Roy.
1046 1 5 Basketball 172 Jim Really? I thought I'd take Roy.
1047 1 5 Basketball 172 Michael Actually, I think Roy is their best player not Lonny. So, Dwight, you uh, have the East German gal. Uh, who else we got... Um...OK, all right, you guys.
1048 1 5 Basketball 172 Dwight OK, we'll be skins!
1049 1 5 Basketball 172 Michael Aw, come on Dwight.
1050 1 5 Basketball 172 Dwight What? Shirts on or off?
1051 1 5 Basketball 172 Michael On. Just put it on.
1052 1 5 Basketball 172 Dwight You sure?
1053 1 5 Basketball 172 Michael Yes. Uh, Pam? You kind of have your foot in both camps, why don't you do the uh, jump ball OK?
1054 1 5 Basketball 172 Roy Don't listen to him Pam. Trust me, tip it my way or you're sleeping in the car.
1055 1 5 Basketball 172 Michael Stanley! What? You gotta be kidding me! !?! Oh... Here we go! Who's on him? Somebody get him!
1056 1 5 Basketball 172 Teammates Yeah!
1057 1 5 Basketball 172 Roy That's what I'm talking about.
1058 1 5 Basketball 172 Michael Yeah, yeah, yeah. Over here, over here. Here we go. Three! Let's go to the zone! We're going to zone!
1059 1 5 Basketball 172 Dwight De-fense! De-fense!
1060 1 5 Basketball 172 Michael, Dwight De-fense! De-fense!
1061 1 5 Basketball 172 Warehouse worker Well done team.
1062 1 5 Basketball 172 Michael Who's got Roy?
1063 1 5 Basketball 172 Pam Woo!
1064 1 5 Basketball 173 Michael Aw, come on! What is wrong with me today!? Usually hit those. Dwight, I was open. All right, let's go.
1065 1 5 Basketball 174 Michael OK, foul. Charging. Charging. That's a foul.
1066 1 5 Basketball 174 Roy OK.
1067 1 5 Basketball 174 Michael OK, I'll take it. OK.
1068 1 5 Basketball 175 Michael When I am playing hoops all of the stress and responsibility of my job here just melts away. It's gone, I'm in the zone.
1069 1 5 Basketball 176 Michael What is wrong with me today?!
1070 1 5 Basketball 177 Michael Who am I? Am I Michael Scott? I don't know... I might just be a basketball machine. What's Dunder Mifflin? I've never heard of it. Filing? Paperwork? Who cares? Possible downsizing? Um... well, that's probably gonna happen, actually.
1071 1 5 Basketball 178 Michael Jim! Jim! Jim, right here, Jim! Give me the ball! Ryan, cut! Whoa!
1072 1 5 Basketball 178 Jim My bad.
1073 1 5 Basketball 178 Darryl Here we go. Here we go. Here we go.
1074 1 5 Basketball 178 Lonny Where you at? Where you at? You over there? I'm over there.
1075 1 5 Basketball 178 Michael That is cool. Is that like the Robot?
1076 1 5 Basketball 179 Michael Nice! Come here!
1077 1 5 Basketball 179 Ryan Can we just do one? That's cool, that's fine.
1078 1 5 Basketball 179 Darryl You have one more free throw shoot. Come on.
1079 1 5 Basketball 179 Roy All right, let's go.
1080 1 5 Basketball 180 Warehouse worker Watch your back Madge.
1081 1 5 Basketball 180 Madge Hey! Come on man!
1082 1 5 Basketball 180 Michael Come on! Hey, Dwight. Dwight!
1083 1 5 Basketball 180 Dwight Yeah! In your face!
1084 1 5 Basketball 180 Madge Yeah, like that counts.
1085 1 5 Basketball 180 Michael You know what? Dwight, Dwight...
1086 1 5 Basketball 181 Michael Football is like rock and roll, it's just bam-bam-boo... And basketball is like jazz, you know? You're kind of... Dupee-doo, dupee-do. It's all downbeat, it's in the pocket, it's like... Dupee-do, dupee-do, dapee-dah...
1087 1 5 Basketball 182 Michael Du-du-du-du-dupee-do, de-do-do-do. Du-du-du-du-dupee-do, de-do-do-do. Harlem Globetrotter...
1088 1 5 Basketball 182 Roy Du-du-du-du-dupee-do. Your ball.
1089 1 5 Basketball 182 Michael All right, time, time out. Come on, sales, over here. Bring it in! Come on!
1090 1 5 Basketball 182 Michael What's going on? What's going on? You're playing like a bunch of girls.
1091 1 5 Basketball 182 Jim You know what? Let me take Roy.
1092 1 5 Basketball 182 Michael All right, switch. Take it up a notch, come on.
1093 1 5 Basketball 183 Michael Shoot, shoot it. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Foul! Naked aggression! Oh, that is... You all right Jim? Suck it up.
1094 1 5 Basketball 184 Darryl Block, block, block!
1095 1 5 Basketball 184 Madge He's afraid of you now.
1096 1 5 Basketball 184 Michael Ouch! Oh, how much does it hurt? How much does it hurt?
1097 1 5 Basketball 185 Michael Yes!
1098 1 5 Basketball 185 Roy What the hell man?
1099 1 5 Basketball 185 Jim Take it easy.
1100 1 5 Basketball 185 Roy No, you take it easy.
1101 1 5 Basketball 186 Michael Watch the long passes, you guys!
1102 1 5 Basketball 187 Ryan Same team, Dwight.
1103 1 5 Basketball 187 Michael Dwight!
1104 1 5 Basketball 187 Dwight Yes!
1105 1 5 Basketball 188 Michael Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! In, your, face! Angela, what's the score?
1106 1 5 Basketball 188 Angela You're ahead.
1107 1 5 Basketball 188 Michael Yeah, baby, here we go!
1108 1 5 Basketball 188 Michael Jim! Jim! Right here! Ow! God! Hold it!
1109 1 5 Basketball 188 Worker I'm sorry.
1110 1 5 Basketball 188 Michael Foul! Foul!
1111 1 5 Basketball 188 Worker I'm sorry. You all right?
1112 1 5 Basketball 188 Michael Oh, that hurts.
1113 1 5 Basketball 188 Worker Sorry, I didn't mean to do that.
1114 1 5 Basketball 188 Michael What's your problem man? Gah, just clocking me for no reason?
1115 1 5 Basketball 188 Darryl Take your shot man!
1116 1 5 Basketball 188 Michael No, no, no, no. That was a flagrant, personal, intentional foul. Right there.
1117 1 5 Basketball 188 Worker No it wasn't.
1118 1 5 Basketball 188 Michael Yes, it was. You know what, I'm just being fair.
1119 1 5 Basketball 188 Worker Oh, really? No, I just put my arm up...
1120 1 5 Basketball 188 Michael Game over. Game over. That is it! I'm sorry, you know? I hate to do it this way but, you know, that's just... we're having a friendly game. It's a shame. This is a damn shame, but we're like a family here and that just, that won't fly.
1121 1 5 Basketball 188 Angela This is a cold pack...
1122 1 5 Basketball 188 Dwight Here, give me that. You have to break the interior bag.
1123 1 5 Basketball 188 Michael Thanks Dwight.
1124 1 5 Basketball 188 Lonny Wait, what does that mean? What is it, a tie? What's going on?
1125 1 5 Basketball 188 Michael Well, let's just say whoever was ahead won.
1126 1 5 Basketball 188 Darryl That was you.
1127 1 5 Basketball 188 Michael It was us? Really? I didn't, I didn't know. Great, I mean, I guess you guys are working Saturday. Your face.
1128 1 5 Basketball 188 Roy No, no, no, I'm not coming in on Saturday.
1129 1 5 Basketball 188 Darryl Yeah, this isn't happening.
1130 1 5 Basketball 188 Michael Um... well, you guys, you know, I'm the boss so...
1131 1 5 Basketball 188 Lonny So what's that? We're coming in on Monday, right?
1132 1 5 Basketball 188 Michael Hey, hey...
1133 1 5 Basketball 188 Lonny Monday?
1134 1 5 Basketball 188 Michael You guys believed me? Come on. Dogs, you know, you should know me better than that. No, oh, do you think that would've been good for morale? No. No. No. Exactly, no. I'm embarrassed it was even that close though. So... nah, of course, we're coming in Saturday. Good game. Word.
1135 1 5 Basketball 189 Jim ...so I talked to the scout, it looks good.
1136 1 5 Basketball 189 Pam Mmm-hmm.
1137 1 5 Basketball 189 Jim I didn't sign anything.
1138 1 5 Basketball 189 Roy Hey baby.
1139 1 5 Basketball 189 Pam Hey.
1140 1 5 Basketball 189 Roy Look at Larry Bird. Larry Legend.
1141 1 5 Basketball 189 Pam Yeah, he's, uh, pretty good, huh? Let's get you into a tub.
1142 1 5 Basketball 189 Roy Yeah? Let's get you into a tub.
1143 1 5 Basketball 190 Michael Hey, what a game, huh? What a game.
1144 1 5 Basketball 190 Oscar What time do we have to come in?
1145 1 5 Basketball 190 Michael Come on. Let's not be gloomy here man. We're all in this together. We're a team. You know what? Screw corporate, nobody's coming in tomorrow. You have the day off. Like coming in an extra day is gonna prevent us from being downsized. Have a good weekend.
1146 1 5 Basketball 191 Michael The great thing about sports is that it is all about character. And you can learn lessons about life even if you don't win. But we did because we were ahead.
1147 1 6 Hot Girl 192 Jan Are you listening to me Michael?
1148 1 6 Hot Girl 192 Michael Affirmative.
1149 1 6 Hot Girl 192 Jan What did I just say?
1150 1 6 Hot Girl 192 Michael You just said, let me uh... check my notes. You just said...
1151 1 6 Hot Girl 192 Jan Alan and I have created an incentive program to increase sales.
1152 1 6 Hot Girl 192 Michael Hey, hey how is Alan? Tell Alan that the Mets suck! Okay? From me, big time. Go Pirates!
1153 1 6 Hot Girl 192 Jan I'm not going to do that Michael.
1154 1 6 Hot Girl 192 Michael Okay
1155 1 6 Hot Girl 192 Jan We've created an incentive program to increase sales.
1156 1 6 Hot Girl 192 Michael Uh, huh.
1157 1 6 Hot Girl 192 Jan At the end of the month you can reward your top seller with a prize worth up to a thousand dollars.
1158 1 6 Hot Girl 192 Michael Whoa. Howdy-ho. Wow, a thousand big ones. That's cool. Do I uh, do I get to pick the prize?
1159 1 6 Hot Girl 192 Jan Uh, yes. Yes you can.
1160 1 6 Hot Girl 192 Michael Um, question: Does top salesman include uh, people who were at one time such outstanding salesman that've been promoted to...
1161 1 6 Hot Girl 192 Jan No, Michael. No. You can't win this prize.
1162 1 6 Hot Girl 192 Michael I didn't mean me!
1163 1 6 Hot Girl 193 Michael Well, first what we have to do is find out what motivates people more than anything else.
1164 1 6 Hot Girl 193 Dwight s*x.
1165 1 6 Hot Girl 193 Michael It's illegal. Can't do that. Next best thing.
1166 1 6 Hot Girl 193 Dwight Torture.
1167 1 6 Hot Girl 193 Michael Tah, come on Dwight. Just help me out here. That's just stupid.
1168 1 6 Hot Girl 193 Pam Uh, Michael?
1169 1 6 Hot Girl 193 Michael Pam!
1170 1 6 Hot Girl 193 Pam Hey, there's a...
1171 1 6 Hot Girl 193 Michael Burger with cheese!
1172 1 6 Hot Girl 193 Pam There's a person here...
1173 1 6 Hot Girl 193 Michael And fries!
1174 1 6 Hot Girl 193 Pam There's...
1175 1 6 Hot Girl 193 Michael And shake! What? Go ahead.
1176 1 6 Hot Girl 193 Pam There's a person here who wants to sell handbags.
1177 1 6 Hot Girl 193 Michael No, no, no. No vendors in the office. That is a distraction.
1178 1 6 Hot Girl 193 Pam Okay, I told her you'd talk to her.
1179 1 6 Hot Girl 193 Michael Pam. Pam. Come on, I'm busy. So just tell her to go away.
1180 1 6 Hot Girl 193 Pam Okay.
1181 1 6 Hot Girl 193 Michael Oooh, alright I'll talk to her.
1182 1 6 Hot Girl 194 Katy This one is hand embroidered.
1183 1 6 Hot Girl 194 Michael All right girls break it up, you're being infiltrated. Cock in the henhouse.
1184 1 6 Hot Girl 194 Dwight Cocks in the henhouse.
1185 1 6 Hot Girl 194 Michael Don't say cocks. Oh, what is your name, my fair lass?
1186 1 6 Hot Girl 194 Katy Katy.
1187 1 6 Hot Girl 194 Michael Ah, Katy. Wow. Look at you. You are, uh you're like the new and improved Pam. Pam 6.0.
1188 1 6 Hot Girl 194 Michael Oh, look. Oh hey, no catfights you two. I'm against violence in the workplace.
1189 1 6 Hot Girl 194 Dwight So am I.
1190 1 6 Hot Girl 194 Michael Nobody cares what you think.
1191 1 6 Hot Girl 194 Dwight Doesn't matter.
1192 1 6 Hot Girl 194 Michael So uh, you know what? I usually don't allow solicitors in the office but today I am going to break some rules, and you can have the conference room. It's yours. All day.
1193 1 6 Hot Girl 194 Katy Wow, thanks.
1194 1 6 Hot Girl 194 Pam There's an HR meeting in there at 11:30.
1195 1 6 Hot Girl 194 Michael Well, lets put 'em in the hallway. Give 'em some chairs. Right? Decisiveness. One of the keys to success according to Small Businessman.
1196 1 6 Hot Girl 195 Michael I do. I read Small Business man. I also uh, subscribe to USA Today and American Way Magazine, that's the in-flight magazine. Some great articles in that. They did this great profile last month of Doris Roberts and where she likes to eat when she's in Phoenix. Illuminating.
1197 1 6 Hot Girl 196 Michael This is my conference room. So please, uh, make yourself at home. Whatever you need, I'm right on the other side of this wall. used to be a window here. There's not anymore. So, that's where I will be.
1198 1 6 Hot Girl 196 Michael So if you need anything else, something to make you more confortable just don't hesitate to ask. I'm right here.
1199 1 6 Hot Girl 196 Katy I guess a cup of coffee would be great.
1200 1 6 Hot Girl 196 Michael Wait a second. I should have spotted another addict. Uh, gotta love the 'bucks.
1201 1 6 Hot Girl 196 Katy What?
1202 1 6 Hot Girl 196 Michael It's like a slang for Starbucks. They're all over the place. Oh, man, that place is like the promised land to me. What a business model too. Ah, too bad we don't have the good stuff here.
1203 1 6 Hot Girl 196 Katy Regular coffee is fine.
1204 1 6 Hot Girl 196 Michael Nah, it's not. it's spppplllibbb
1205 1 6 Hot Girl 196 Katy No really it is.
1206 1 6 Hot Girl 196 Michael No, here's the thing. Y'know I do my best to be my own man and go by the beat of a different drummer and nobody gets me, and they're always putting up walls and I'm always tearing 'em down, just breakin' down barriers, that's what I do all day. So a coffee, regular coffee for you. High test, or unleaded?
1207 1 6 Hot Girl 196 Katy Bring it on.
1208 1 6 Hot Girl 196 Michael Oh. Woo, I will. I will bring it on. Ah, all right.
1209 1 6 Hot Girl 197 Kevin So are you jealous 'cause there's another girl around?
1210 1 6 Hot Girl 197 Pam No.
1211 1 6 Hot Girl 197 Kevin She's prettier than you though.
1212 1 6 Hot Girl 197 Pam That's a very rude thing to say, Kevin.
1213 1 6 Hot Girl 198 Katy So do you like the periwinkle and the purples?
1214 1 6 Hot Girl 199 Dwight The purse girl hits everything on my checklist. Creamy skin. Straight teeth. Curly hair. Amazing breasts. Not for me, for my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies.
1215 1 6 Hot Girl 200 Michael There ya go. Nice steaming cup o'joe.
1216 1 6 Hot Girl 200 Katy Thank you.
1217 1 6 Hot Girl 200 Michael I have an idea. Why don't I introduce you around, you know you can kind of get your foot in the door, meet potential clientele, right?
1218 1 6 Hot Girl 200 Katy Gosh, I would love to but, my purses, I should, um...
1219 1 6 Hot Girl 200 Michael Oh, um, well, we could have Ryan take a look. Ryan, would you look after the purses, please?
1220 1 6 Hot Girl 200 Ryan I'm installing File Share on all the computers.
1221 1 6 Hot Girl 200 Michael Yeah, well, bladdy-bluda-blah-blah. Techno-babble. Just do it, okay. We have company. Right?
1222 1 6 Hot Girl 201 Michael You should sell a lot here because this branch made over a million dollars last year. Not that we're all millionaires. I'm probably closest. So here's Oscar. Oscar, this is Katy.
1223 1 6 Hot Girl 201 Oscar I'm on the phone.
1224 1 6 Hot Girl 201 Michael Oooh-ooh. Oscar the grouch. Right? I thought of that.
1225 1 6 Hot Girl 201 Katy That was on Sesame Street.
1226 1 6 Hot Girl 201 Michael I know. I know. I made the connection. Can you believe he'd never heard that before he worked here?
1227 1 6 Hot Girl 201 Katy No, I don't believe that.
1228 1 6 Hot Girl 201 Michael I know, it's unbelievable.
1229 1 6 Hot Girl 202 Pam It's nice having Katy around. It's another person for Michael to um, interact with.
1230 1 6 Hot Girl 203 Michael Here is Toby from Human Resources. Katy, Toby.
1231 1 6 Hot Girl 203 Katy Hi
1232 1 6 Hot Girl 203 Toby Hi, nice to meet you.
1233 1 6 Hot Girl 203 Michael Toby, Katy.
1234 1 6 Hot Girl 203 Toby Hey, um did you go to uh, Bishop O'Hara?
1235 1 6 Hot Girl 203 Katy Yeah.
1236 1 6 Hot Girl 203 Toby Yeah, me too.
1237 1 6 Hot Girl 203 Katy Cool. What year were you there?
1238 1 6 Hot Girl 203 Toby Eighty-nine.
1239 1 6 Hot Girl 203 Michael Toby's divorced. He uh, guh recently, right?
1240 1 6 Hot Girl 203 Toby Yeah.
1241 1 6 Hot Girl 203 Michael You and your wife, and you have kids.
1242 1 6 Hot Girl 203 Toby A girl.
1243 1 6 Hot Girl 203 Michael Oh that so - that was really messy. He slept one night in your car too?
1244 1 6 Hot Girl 203 Katy I should probably get back to my table.
1245 1 6 Hot Girl 203 Michael Okay. Alright. Cool. See ya in a bit. Oh, she's cute. Cutie-pie. Back to work.
1246 1 6 Hot Girl 204 Michael I live by one rule. No office romances. No way. Very messy. Inappropriate. No. But, I live by another rule: Just do it. Nike.
1247 1 6 Hot Girl 205 Roy Hey, Jimmy what do you think of that little purse girl, huh?
1248 1 6 Hot Girl 205 Jim Cute, sure, yeah.
1249 1 6 Hot Girl 205 Roy Why don't you get on that?
1250 1 6 Hot Girl 205 Jim She's not really my type.
1251 1 6 Hot Girl 205 Roy What are you gay?
1252 1 6 Hot Girl 205 Jim Hmmm, I don't think so. Nope.
1253 1 6 Hot Girl 205 Kevin What is your type?
1254 1 6 Hot Girl 205 Jim Moms, primarily. Yep. Soccer moms. Single moms. NASCAR moms. Any type of moms, really.
1255 1 6 Hot Girl 205 Roy That's disgusting.
1256 1 6 Hot Girl 205 Kevin Stay away from my mom.
1257 1 6 Hot Girl 205 Jim Too late, Kev.
1258 1 6 Hot Girl 205 Roy Man, I would be all over that if I wasn't dating Pam.
1259 1 6 Hot Girl 205 Pam We're not dating, we're engaged.
1260 1 6 Hot Girl 205 Roy Engaged, yeah.
1261 1 6 Hot Girl 206 Jim Pam and I are good buddies. I'm sort of Pam's go-to guy for her problems. You know with stuff like work, or uh, her fiance Roy. Or uh... Nope, those are pretty much her only two problems.
1262 1 6 Hot Girl 207 Jim She'd be perfect for you.
1263 1 6 Hot Girl 207 Dwight Hmmm... she's been talking to Michael a lot.
1264 1 6 Hot Girl 207 Jim So, what? You're Assistant Regional Manager.
1265 1 6 Hot Girl 207 Dwight Assistant to the Regional Manager.
1266 1 6 Hot Girl 207 Jim Well, you know what Dwight? He's your work boss, okay? He is not your relationship boss.
1267 1 6 Hot Girl 207 Dwight That's true.
1268 1 6 Hot Girl 207 Jim Plus you have so much more to talk to this girl about, You're both um, salesmen. I mean that's something right there.
1269 1 6 Hot Girl 207 Dwight True. Plus I can talk to her about the origins of my last name.
1270 1 6 Hot Girl 207 Jim It's all gold.
1271 1 6 Hot Girl 208 Katy Guys are usually my best customers, they buy the high end stuff like the beads and the sequins and stuff. For gifts, you know? They don't know what they are looking at. So I make suggestions.
1272 1 6 Hot Girl 209 Jim Alright. Here's the thing okay, you just keep talking to her. If you hit a stall you have a perfect fall back.
1273 1 6 Hot Girl 209 Dwight What's that?
1274 1 6 Hot Girl 209 Jim You buy a purse.
1275 1 6 Hot Girl 209 Dwight I don't want a purse. Purses are for girls.
1276 1 6 Hot Girl 209 Jim Dwight, that's not necessarily true. Do you read GQ?
1277 1 6 Hot Girl 209 Dwight No.
1278 1 6 Hot Girl 209 Jim Okay, I do. There like mini briefcases, alright? Lots of guys have them.
1279 1 6 Hot Girl 209 Dwight Like those?
1280 1 6 Hot Girl 209 Jim Yes. Listen, you are spending way too much time talking to me, when you could be talking to her.
1281 1 6 Hot Girl 209 Dwight Okay, I'm just going to use the bathroom, and then I'm going...
1282 1 6 Hot Girl 209 Jim No. You don't need the bathroom. You've got it. Go.
1283 1 6 Hot Girl 210 Jim Okay, shhhh stop... stop whatever you're doing because this is going to be good.
1284 1 6 Hot Girl 210 Jim Hi my name's Dwight Schrute and I would like to buy a purse from you. Good lord, look at these purses! This is something special. Oh my God is this Salvatore Di-chini-asta?
1285 1 6 Hot Girl 210 Pam Oh definitely, definitely step in and out of it like that.
1286 1 6 Hot Girl 210 Jim Yes, well I want to stress test it. You know, in case anything happens.
1287 1 6 Hot Girl 210 Pam Oh!
1288 1 6 Hot Girl 210 Jim Oh! That was really. This is necessary to do to really give it a good workout. This is the ooooh... This is the prettiest one of all.
1289 1 6 Hot Girl 210 Pam Oh...
1290 1 6 Hot Girl 210 Jim I'm going to be the prettiest girl in the ball. Oh, how much?
1291 1 6 Hot Girl 210 Pam Oh, God. It's sad. It's so sad.
1292 1 6 Hot Girl 210 Jim Here he comes, shhh...
1293 1 6 Hot Girl 210 Jim Good.
1294 1 6 Hot Girl 210 Jim He did pick a good one.
1295 1 6 Hot Girl 210 Pam You're horrible.
1296 1 6 Hot Girl 211 Katy This one's really good for a hot date.
1297 1 6 Hot Girl 211 Pam Yeah, what's that?
1298 1 6 Hot Girl 211 Pam I'm engaged. So...
1299 1 6 Hot Girl 211 Katy Congratulations. You need a hot date more than anyone.
1300 1 6 Hot Girl 211 Pam I wished, right?
1301 1 6 Hot Girl 211 Michael Giggle-giggle, juji-juji, I get it, I get it. Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood over here right? So how's that uh, coffee from earlier?
1302 1 6 Hot Girl 211 Katy Good.
1303 1 6 Hot Girl 211 Michael Ah, I knew it. Guzzled it down. You greedy little thing. So, uh, Pam is this your lunch break, or was that earlier when you were eating in the kitchen with those guys?
1304 1 6 Hot Girl 211 Katy Sorry.
1305 1 6 Hot Girl 211 Michael Busted.
1306 1 6 Hot Girl 211 Katy Come back...
1307 1 6 Hot Girl 211 Michael Oh hey, I want to show you something. Come here I want to show you something. I know you are going to like this. Picked it up today. A thousand big ones.
1308 1 6 Hot Girl 211 Katy Is that from Starbucks?
1309 1 6 Hot Girl 211 Michael Yes. This is a Starbucks digital barista. This is the mack daddy of espresso makers.
1310 1 6 Hot Girl 211 Katy Wow. Is that for the office?
1311 1 6 Hot Girl 211 Michael Oh, I know what you're thinking. You're not prying this out of my hands, but don't tempt me because I'll give it to you!
1312 1 6 Hot Girl 211 Katy I wouldn't think of it.
1313 1 6 Hot Girl 212 Michael Coffee is the great incentivizer in the office. It's a drug. It is quite literally a drug that speeds people up. It's not the only drug that speeds people up. You hear stories about Dunder Mifflin in the eighties before everybody knew how bad cocaine was. Guh. Man, did they move paper!
1314 1 6 Hot Girl 213 Michael Oh the rotating um, steam wand. What? What's the matter?
1315 1 6 Hot Girl 213 Katy Oh, nothing. My ride just bailed on me.
1316 1 6 Hot Girl 213 Michael Oh, oh! God. I'm sorry. Is there...?
1317 1 6 Hot Girl 213 Katy Oh no, it's um...
1318 1 6 Hot Girl 213 Michael Where you going? Nearby? Because I can give you a ride.
1319 1 6 Hot Girl 213 Katy No...
1320 1 6 Hot Girl 213 Michael Seriously. No, really.
1321 1 6 Hot Girl 213 Katy No. I really don't want to inconvenience you.
1322 1 6 Hot Girl 213 Michael God! No, no, no, no. No inconvenience. I mean I'm out of here at five sharp.
1323 1 6 Hot Girl 213 Katy At five?
1324 1 6 Hot Girl 213 Michael I can go earlier. 'Cause I'm the boss. You know, whatever. I'm out of here slaves.
1325 1 6 Hot Girl 213 Katy Okay.
1326 1 6 Hot Girl 213 Michael What?
1327 1 6 Hot Girl 213 Katy Okay, I guess that would be, I guess that would be okay.
1328 1 6 Hot Girl 213 Michael Okay. Sounds good. Sounds good. Five o'clock sharp. I will give you and your purses a ride home.
1329 1 6 Hot Girl 213 Katy Okay. Cool.
1330 1 6 Hot Girl 213 Michael Excellent.
1331 1 6 Hot Girl 213 Katy Cool.
1332 1 6 Hot Girl 213 Michael Great. Cool. Cool. Yeah, okay.
1333 1 6 Hot Girl 214 Michael I should have never let the Temp touch this thing. I had all these great icons and now I have four folders. So..
1334 1 6 Hot Girl 214 Dwight It's actually better this way.
1335 1 6 Hot Girl 214 Michael No it's not. Because I could just click on the icon and then I'm onto---
1336 1 6 Hot Girl 214 Dwight Michael could I ask you something? I wanted to ask your permission to ask out Katy. I know it's against the rules and everything. Because...
1337 1 6 Hot Girl 214 Michael No, no, no it's not against the rules. She's not a permanent employee so it's not.
1338 1 6 Hot Girl 214 Dwight Thank you, Michael. I appreciate this so much.
1339 1 6 Hot Girl 214 Michael But I think you should just know that I am going to be giving her a ride home later.
1340 1 6 Hot Girl 214 Dwight What?
1341 1 6 Hot Girl 214 Michael She asked me for a ride and so I am going to give her a ride home.
1342 1 6 Hot Girl 214 Dwight Is that all it is? Just a ride home? Like a taxicab?
1343 1 6 Hot Girl 214 Michael Well, might be a ride home. Might be a ride home and we stop for coffee and dot-dot-dot...
1344 1 6 Hot Girl 214 Dwight Please. Please, I am your inferior and I'm asking you this favor. Can you promise me that it will just be a ride home?
1345 1 6 Hot Girl 214 Michael No. I cannot promise you that.
1346 1 6 Hot Girl 214 Dwight You cannot promise me, or you won't promise me?
1347 1 6 Hot Girl 214 Michael Listen, Dwight.
1348 1 6 Hot Girl 214 Dwight Do you love her?
1349 1 6 Hot Girl 214 Michael Dwight, no. I don't know. It's too early to tell. I don't know how I feel.
1350 1 6 Hot Girl 215 Katy I think you've made a really good choice, she's really going to like that.
1351 1 6 Hot Girl 215 Stanley Hmmm...
1352 1 6 Hot Girl 215 Michael Espresso?
1353 1 6 Hot Girl 215 Katy Oh, thank you.
1354 1 6 Hot Girl 215 Michael You're welcome. Thank you. Hmmm-hmm-hmm.
1355 1 6 Hot Girl 215 Stanley Is that from the machine that was in your office?
1356 1 6 Hot Girl 215 Michael Ummm-hmmm...
1357 1 6 Hot Girl 215 Stanley I thought that was the incentive prize for the top salesperson.
1358 1 6 Hot Girl 215 Michael Very easy to clean.
1359 1 6 Hot Girl 215 Michael Okay. Like he's going to win anyway, right?
1360 1 6 Hot Girl 216 Michael Did we get any mail?
1361 1 6 Hot Girl 216 Pam Yeah, I gave it to you.
1362 1 6 Hot Girl 216 Michael Yes you did. Yes, you did. Just checkin'. Just checkin', double checkin', checkin' on the check. Thoroughness is very important in an office and...
1363 1 6 Hot Girl 216 Pam So, can I..?
1364 1 6 Hot Girl 216 Michael Yeah, yeah, of course. Uh, Pam, one more thing. Um, how do girls your age feel about futons?
1365 1 6 Hot Girl 217 Jim A futon?
1366 1 6 Hot Girl 217 Jim He's a grown man
1367 1 6 Hot Girl 217 Pam That's what he said.
1368 1 6 Hot Girl 217 Jim That's sad. Or it's innovative. Well, you know the futon is a bed and couch all rolled into one.
1369 1 6 Hot Girl 217 Roy What's up?
1370 1 6 Hot Girl 217 Pam Hi.
1371 1 6 Hot Girl 217 Roy Are you still mad at me?
1372 1 6 Hot Girl 217 Pam Roy...
1373 1 6 Hot Girl 217 Roy Come on
1374 1 6 Hot Girl 217 Pam Cut it out.
1375 1 6 Hot Girl 217 Roy Come on, you mad at me?
1376 1 6 Hot Girl 217 Pam Stop it.
1377 1 6 Hot Girl 217 Roy Are you still mad at me now?
1378 1 6 Hot Girl 217 Pam Cut it out.
1379 1 6 Hot Girl 217 Roy Are you mad at me now?
1380 1 6 Hot Girl 217 Pam Stop.
1381 1 6 Hot Girl 217 Roy Huh? huh? Come on... Come on, Pammy I was just kidding.
1382 1 6 Hot Girl 217 Pam Stop, I can't breathe.
1383 1 6 Hot Girl 217 Roy I was just kidding. You know I didn't mean it. I can't...
1384 1 6 Hot Girl 218 Pam Jim is a great guy. He's like a brother to me. We're like best friends in the office and I really hope he finds someone.
1385 1 6 Hot Girl 219 Katy You seem to like to touch things. Did you try the velvet?
1386 1 6 Hot Girl 219 Angela I don't like to necessarily touch things. I'm just... I'm shopping.
1387 1 6 Hot Girl 219 Katy Oh no, it's fine that you, um. Here, what about the raspberry one? It's really uh, kind of festive. It's got a lot of personality.
1388 1 6 Hot Girl 219 Angela Yeah, uh no.
1389 1 6 Hot Girl 219 Dwight Hey, how's it going? Good. Can I talk to you for a second? In private?
1390 1 6 Hot Girl 219 Katy I don't think so I'm really busy.
1391 1 6 Hot Girl 219 Dwight It will just take a second.
1392 1 6 Hot Girl 219 Katy I can't.
1393 1 6 Hot Girl 219 Dwight Just for a minute.
1394 1 6 Hot Girl 219 Katy I really can't.
1395 1 6 Hot Girl 219 Dwight Please? I wanted to talk to you in private because I wanted to ask you out on a date.
1396 1 6 Hot Girl 219 Katy No.
1397 1 6 Hot Girl 219 Dwight Ok was that no to talking to me in private, or was that no to the date?
1398 1 6 Hot Girl 219 Katy Both.
1399 1 6 Hot Girl 219 Katy What colors do you like?
1400 1 6 Hot Girl 219 Angela Gray. Dark Gray. Charcoal.
1401 1 6 Hot Girl 220 Michael Ryan.
1402 1 6 Hot Girl 220 Ryan Yeah.
1403 1 6 Hot Girl 220 Michael Would you like to help me with a special project?
1404 1 6 Hot Girl 220 Ryan I would love to.
1405 1 6 Hot Girl 220 Michael Alright.
1406 1 6 Hot Girl 221 Michael Okay, just throw out all the empties.
1407 1 6 Hot Girl 221 Ryan You don't want to recycle them?
1408 1 6 Hot Girl 221 Michael Um, yes. Throw them away in the recycling bin.
1409 1 6 Hot Girl 221 Ryan Do you want this?
1410 1 6 Hot Girl 221 Michael No.
1411 1 6 Hot Girl 221 Ryan What about this bottle of power drink?
1412 1 6 Hot Girl 221 Michael Uh, what flavor?
1413 1 6 Hot Girl 221 Ryan Blue.
1414 1 6 Hot Girl 221 Michael Blue's not a flavor.
1415 1 6 Hot Girl 221 Ryan It says flavor: Blue Blast.
1416 1 6 Hot Girl 221 Michael Oh, Blue Blast. Yes, put that in the trunk, and there should be an unopened Arctic Chill back there. I want that in the passengers cupholder. Thank you.
1417 1 6 Hot Girl 222 Jim Hi.
1418 1 6 Hot Girl 222 Katy Hi.
1419 1 6 Hot Girl 222 Jim I'm Jim, by the way.
1420 1 6 Hot Girl 222 Katy I'm Katy.
1421 1 6 Hot Girl 222 Jim Hi Katy, nice to meet you.
1422 1 6 Hot Girl 222 Katy You sit out there, don't you?
1423 1 6 Hot Girl 222 Jim I do. That's what I'm best known for. Sitting out there. Alright, let's talk about purses.
1424 1 6 Hot Girl 222 Katy Okay, um...
1425 1 6 Hot Girl 222 Jim Katy but you know what, don't try to sell me one. Okay, seriously 'cause I'm just here to learn.
1426 1 6 Hot Girl 222 Katy Okay.
1427 1 6 Hot Girl 222 Jim Okay, so I know about most of these, but you know you can...
1428 1 6 Hot Girl 222 Katy Okay.
1429 1 6 Hot Girl 223 Michael What, stop! Whoa! That's my Drakkar Noir.
1430 1 6 Hot Girl 223 Ryan No, this is Rite Aid Night Swept.
1431 1 6 Hot Girl 223 Michael No, it is a perfect smell-alike. I'm not paying for the label. Right here. Give it.
1432 1 6 Hot Girl 223 Ryan Well, it's empty.
1433 1 6 Hot Girl 223 Michael Not it's not, there's some in the straw. There, now you may throw it out.
1434 1 6 Hot Girl 223 Ryan Wow. How many filet-o-fishes did you eat?
1435 1 6 Hot Girl 223 Michael That's over several months, Ryan.
1436 1 6 Hot Girl 223 Ryan Still.
1437 1 6 Hot Girl 224 Jim What's up?
1438 1 6 Hot Girl 224 Pam I'm bored.
1439 1 6 Hot Girl 224 Jim Thank you for choosing me.
1440 1 6 Hot Girl 224 Pam No, I'm kidding. Um, so you got big plans this weekend?
1441 1 6 Hot Girl 224 Jim Ah, well I think I'm gonna see Katy.
1442 1 6 Hot Girl 224 Pam Really?
1443 1 6 Hot Girl 224 Jim Yeah.
1444 1 6 Hot Girl 224 Pam What are you guys going to do?
1445 1 6 Hot Girl 224 Jim Oh, man I don't know. Uh, dinner, drinks, movie, matching tattoos.
1446 1 6 Hot Girl 224 Pam That's great.
1447 1 6 Hot Girl 224 Jim And stuff... yeah.
1448 1 6 Hot Girl 224 Pam That's cool.
1449 1 6 Hot Girl 224 Jim What are you doing?
1450 1 6 Hot Girl 224 Pam I, I was gonna say, I think that um, we're gonna help Roy's cousin move.
1451 1 6 Hot Girl 224 Jim Okay.
1452 1 6 Hot Girl 224 Pam 'Cause Roy's got a truck.
1453 1 6 Hot Girl 224 Jim That's cool.
1454 1 6 Hot Girl 224 Pam Uh, huh. Yes.
1455 1 6 Hot Girl 224 Jim That is cool. Well, I'll see you Monday though, right?
1456 1 6 Hot Girl 224 Pam Great.
1457 1 6 Hot Girl 224 Jim Okay.
1458 1 6 Hot Girl 224 Pam Okay, I'm gonna head back.
1459 1 6 Hot Girl 224 Jim Alright.
1460 1 6 Hot Girl 225 Michael I think in order to be a ladies man, it's imperative that people don't know you're a ladies man, so I kind of play that close to the chest. I don't know, what can I say? Women are attracted to power. And I think other people have told me that I have a very symmetrical face. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe they're right? I don't know.
1461 1 6 Hot Girl 226 Michael Sure you don't want me to help you with that? Cause I can grab that no problem.
1462 1 6 Hot Girl 226 Katy Goodnight, it was nice nice to meet some of you.
1463 1 6 Hot Girl 226 Michael See you later. Goodnight. Goodnight, Jim.
1464 1 6 Hot Girl 226 Jim Goodnight, Michael.
1465 1 6 Hot Girl 226 Michael Where you going?
1466 1 6 Hot Girl 226 Jim I don't know. Grab a drink, I think?
1467 1 6 Hot Girl 226 Michael With us?
1468 1 6 Hot Girl 226 Katy I uh, I probably should have told you, I don't need a ride now 'cause Jim can take me home after so you're off the hook.
1469 1 6 Hot Girl 226 Michael Okay. Great. Off the hook. Excellent. Okay, cool.
1470 1 6 Hot Girl 226 Jim I got this.
1471 1 6 Hot Girl 226 Michael Alright, have fun.
1472 1 6 Hot Girl 226 Katy Thanks.
1473 1 6 Hot Girl 226 Jim I got it.
1474 1 6 Hot Girl 226 Michael Don't drink and drive.
1475 1 6 Hot Girl 226 Michael Take it easy.
1476 1 6 Hot Girl 226 Jim Have a good night.
1477 1 6 Hot Girl 226 Michael You too, have a good night.
1478 1 6 Hot Girl 226 Katy You got that?
1479 1 6 Hot Girl 226 Jim Oh, yeah. You sold a lot, so it's lighter.
1480 1 6 Hot Girl 226 Katy Good. Here. Squeeze it inside.
1481 1 6 Hot Girl 226 Jim Alright now, I'm gonna warn you. Don't freak out, okay?
1482 1 6 Hot Girl 226 Katy Why?
1483 1 6 Hot Girl 226 Jim This is a really nice car. In case you haven't noticed, this is a Corolla. Okay.
1484 1 6 Hot Girl 226 Katy It's a... it's a very nice car.
1485 1 6 Hot Girl 226 Jim You're not going to freak out?
1486 1 6 Hot Girl 227 Michael Do I have a special someone? Uh well, yeah of course. A bunch of 'em. My employees. If I had to choose between a one-night-stand with some stupid cow I pick-up in a bar, and these people? I'd pick them every time. Because with them, it is an everyday stand and I still know their names in the morning.
1487 2 1 The Dundies 228 Michael Tonight is the Dundies, the annual employee awards night here at Dunder Mifflin. And this is everybody's favorite day. Everybody looks forward to it, because, you know, a lot of the people here don't get trophies, very often. Like Meredith or Kevin, I mean, who's gonna give Kevin an award? Dunkin' Donuts? Plus, bonus, it's really, really funny. So I, you know, an employee will go home, and he'll tell his neighbor, "Hey, did you get an award?" And the neighbor will say, "No man. I mean, I slave all day and nobody notices me." Next thing you know, employee smells something terrible coming from neighbor's house. Neighbor's hanged himself due to lack of recognition. So...
1488 2 1 The Dundies 229 Jim So, you ready for the... the Dundies?
1489 2 1 The Dundies 229 Pam Ugh...
1490 2 1 The Dundies 230 Pam You know what they say about a car wreck, where it's so awful you can't look away? The Dundies are like a car wreck that you want to look away, but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you.
1491 2 1 The Dundies 231 Michael Hey hey hey! It's Fat Halpert.
1492 2 1 The Dundies 231 Jim What?
1493 2 1 The Dundies 231 Michael Fat Halpert. Jim Halpert.
1494 2 1 The Dundies 232 Michael So why don't I take you on a tour of past Dundie winners. We got Fat Jim Halpert here. Jim, why don't you show of your Dundies to the camera?
1495 2 1 The Dundies 232 Jim Oh, I can't because I keep them hidden. I don't want to look at them and get cocky.
1496 2 1 The Dundies 232 Michael Oh, that's a good idea.
1497 2 1 The Dundies 232 Dwight Mine are at home in a display case above my bed.
1498 2 1 The Dundies 232 Michael Gyaaah. T.M.I. T.M.I my friends.
1499 2 1 The Dundies 233 Michael T.M.I.? Too much information. Ah, it's just easier to say T.M.I. I used to say "Don't go there" but that's... lame.
1500 2 1 The Dundies 234 Michael And here we have Stanley the Manly. Now Stanley is a Dundie all-star, aren't you Stan? Why don't you, ah, show them some of your bling.
1501 2 1 The Dundies 234 Stanley I don't know where they are, I think I threw them out.
1502 2 1 The Dundies 234 Michael Oh, no you di-int.
1503 2 1 The Dundies 234 Stanley I think I did.
1504 2 1 The Dundies 234 Michael W-why did you...
1505 2 1 The Dundies 234 Stanley Say, we got to order some more apa-teezers this time. We ran out last year, remember?
1506 2 1 The Dundies 234 Michael Yes we should. I... you know what? I wanted one of those skillets of cheese, but when I got off stage, someone had eaten all of them.
1507 2 1 The Dundies 235 Michael To Oscar Martinez it's the "Show Me the Money" award! Yeah!
1508 2 1 The Dundies 236 Oscar That's supposed to be confidential.
1509 2 1 The Dundies 236 Michael He has the award-ah! ...it's a type of song that we are going to play for the ladies. Hit it, Dwight!
1510 2 1 The Dundies 236 Michael A little bit of Paaam, all night long, a little bit of Angela on the thing...
1511 2 1 The Dundies 236 Michael ...a little bit of Phyllis everywhere...
1512 2 1 The Dundies 236 Pam Oh, yeah, this is the part where Kevin sat in front of the camcorder all night. It's great.
1513 2 1 The Dundies 236 Michael ...a little bit of Roooy eating chicken crispers... ...a little bit of Jim with some ribs, a little bit of...
1514 2 1 The Dundies 237 Kelly It was you.
1515 2 1 The Dundies 237 Phyllis Live and learn.
1516 2 1 The Dundies 237 Pam It wasn't. I swear.
1517 2 1 The Dundies 237 Kelly Yeah, it was.
1518 2 1 The Dundies 238 Dwight So, what's the joke? You're not perfect either.
1519 2 1 The Dundies 238 Pam We're not laughing at you, Dwight.
1520 2 1 The Dundies 238 Dwight So who are we laughing at?
1521 2 1 The Dundies 238 Pam Um, just something somebody wrote.
1522 2 1 The Dundies 238 Dwight Who? Dave Barry?
1523 2 1 The Dundies 238 Kelly No. No, just something that was written in the ladies' room wall.
1524 2 1 The Dundies 238 Dwight What is it? Who wrote it?
1525 2 1 The Dundies 238 Pam Um, it's kind of private.
1526 2 1 The Dundies 238 Phyllis It's about Michael.
1527 2 1 The Dundies 238 Dwight That is defacement of company property. So you better tell me. Kelly, if you tell me, you'll be punished less.
1528 2 1 The Dundies 238 Pam Okay, now I'm laughing at you.
1529 2 1 The Dundies 239 Michael Will her highness, Jan Levinson-Gould, be descending from her corporate throne this evening to visit us lowly serfs here at Dunder Mifflin Scranton?
1530 2 1 The Dundies 239 Jan It's a, it's, it's a two and a half hour drive from New York, Michael.
1531 2 1 The Dundies 239 Michael Well, you could take the bus. You could work on the way here. Sleep on the way home.
1532 2 1 The Dundies 239 Jan No.
1533 2 1 The Dundies 239 Michael Wuh... Come on, Jan. This is important. I mean, this is, this is, validation to my employees here that you and corporate approve of this. So...
1534 2 1 The Dundies 239 Jan No, we don't approve of this Michael. I mean, y-you only had the budget for one office party a year, so... we're not paying for this.
1535 2 1 The Dundies 239 Michael Um...
1536 2 1 The Dundies 239 Michael Could you...?
1537 2 1 The Dundies 239 Jan Are you there Michael?
1538 2 1 The Dundies 239 Michael Yeah, I'm here, I just wanted to, uh, talk to you for a second about that.
1539 2 1 The Dundies 239 Michael Um, what, ah, what is, I mean...
1540 2 1 The Dundies 239 Michael ...come on, Jan!
1541 2 1 The Dundies 239 Michael You're dropping an A-Bomb on me here.
1542 2 1 The Dundies 239 Jan Really? I'm dropping an atomic bomb on you?
1543 2 1 The Dundies 239 Michael Well, yeah, I mean, what is...
1544 2 1 The Dundies 239 Jan You already had a party on May 5th for no reason.
1545 2 1 The Dundies 239 Michael No reason?! It was the 05 05 05 party...
1546 2 1 The Dundies 239 Jan And you had a luau....
1547 2 1 The Dundies 239 Michael ...it happens once every billion years.
1548 2 1 The Dundies 239 Jan And a tsunami relief fundraiser which somehow lost a lot of money.
1549 2 1 The Dundies 239 Michael Okay, no, that was a FUN raiser. I think I made that very clear in the fliers, fun, F-U-N.
1550 2 1 The Dundies 239 Jan Okay, well, I don't understand why anyone would have a tsunami FUN raiser, Michael. I mean, that doesn't even make sense.
1551 2 1 The Dundies 239 Michael Well, I think a lot of people were very affected by the footage.
1552 2 1 The Dundies 240 Michael This is a little character I like to do , it is, uh, loosely based on Karnack, one of Carson's classic characters. Here we go. The PLO, the IRA, and the hot dog stand behind the warehouse. "Name three businesses that have a better health care plans than Dunder Mifflin." Here's the problem. There's no open bar because of Jan and it's the reason why comedy clubs have a two drink minimum. It'll be fine, I just...wish people were going to be drunk.
1553 2 1 The Dundies 241 Phyllis Dwight, get out of here!!
1554 2 1 The Dundies 241 Dwight No, no, no, no...
1555 2 1 The Dundies 241 Phyllis What were you doing in the ladies room?!
1556 2 1 The Dundies 241 Dwight ...no, no, no, no, it's not what you think.
1557 2 1 The Dundies 241 Phyllis Why were you peering over the stalls?!
1558 2 1 The Dundies 241 Dwight No, why were you in there?!
1559 2 1 The Dundies 241 Phyllis You are a pervert!
1560 2 1 The Dundies 241 Dwight What were you doing in there?
1561 2 1 The Dundies 241 Phyllis You, are, a pervert!
1562 2 1 The Dundies 241 Dwight I am not.
1563 2 1 The Dundies 242 Michael The Dundie award for "Longest Engagement" goes to Pam Beesley.
1564 2 1 The Dundies 242 Michael Pam, everybody!
1565 2 1 The Dundies 242 Michael Whoooo! When is that girl gonna get married? That's what I have to say. Ah, Roy's accepting.
1566 2 1 The Dundies 242 Roy Yes.
1567 2 1 The Dundies 242 Michael Thank you Roy. Are there any words you'd like to say, on Pam's behalf?
1568 2 1 The Dundies 242 Roy Ah, w-we'll see you next year.
1569 2 1 The Dundies 242 Michael Yeah, oh, hope not! Oh God!
1570 2 1 The Dundies 243 Michael I'm not changing that, it's the best one.
1571 2 1 The Dundies 243 Jim No, it's hilarious, you're right. I just think, um, "world's longest engagement", um, we're all expecting it, you know?
1572 2 1 The Dundies 243 Michael That's why it's funny. Every year that Roy and Pam don't get married, it gets funnier.
1573 2 1 The Dundies 243 Jim Well I think if you use the same jokes it just comes across as lazy.
1574 2 1 The Dundies 243 Michael Oh, lazy. Uh huh.
1575 2 1 The Dundies 244 Dwight Excuse me, everyone, could I have your attention please. I just wanted to say that the women in this office are terrible. Especially the ones who wrote that stuff about Michael on the bathroom wall. Having a bathroom is a privilege. It is called a ladies room for a reason. And if you cannot behave like ladies, well then you are not going to have a bathroom.
1576 2 1 The Dundies 245 Pam You're taking away our bathroom?
1577 2 1 The Dundies 245 Dwight We are going to have two men's rooms.
1578 2 1 The Dundies 245 Phyllis But where would we...go?
1579 2 1 The Dundies 245 Dwight Be prepared to hold folks From 9 am to...
1580 2 1 The Dundies 245 Pam Michael...
1581 2 1 The Dundies 245 Michael Yes.
1582 2 1 The Dundies 245 Pam ...Dwight is banning us from our bathroom.
1583 2 1 The Dundies 245 Michael Okay, well, that's just ridiculous, so just don't, I-I don't have time for this right now.
1584 2 1 The Dundies 245 Dwight Nnnnno, there needs to be repercussions...
1585 2 1 The Dundies 245 Michael Just don't, don't talk-
1586 2 1 The Dundies 245 Dwight ...for people's behavior.
1587 2 1 The Dundies 245 Michael Don't talk-
1588 2 1 The Dundies 245 Dwight And it's-
1589 2 1 The Dundies 245 Michael Just STAP IT YAP IT!!!!
1590 2 1 The Dundies 246 Michael Okay, look, I know there have been a lot of rumors flying around about the Dundies this year. How there is no money, and how there is no food, and how the jokes are really bad, but WHAT THE HELL EVERYBODY!? I mean, God. The Dundies are about the best, in every, one of us. Can't you see that? I mean, okay, we can do better. so, tonight, for the first time, we are inviting all of your friends and family to attend the awards with us.
1591 2 1 The Dundies 246 Dwight Yes!
1592 2 1 The Dundies 246 Michael Yeah, not bad, right? So let's make this the best Dundies ever.
1593 2 1 The Dundies 246 Dwight Best Dundies ever.
1594 2 1 The Dundies 247 Dwight Welcome to the eighth annual Dundies awards.
1595 2 1 The Dundies 247 Dwight Before we get started, a few announcements. Keep your acceptance speeches short, I have wrap it up music, and I'm not afraid to use it. Devon!
1596 2 1 The Dundies 248 Michael "The Dundies, how can I explain it? Awards you like to hate it. I'm psyched you all made it. You never had to work so hard and feel that no one notices you. You're just a name and number and no one even says hello." Card!
1597 2 1 The Dundies 249 Oscar The Dundies are kind of like a kid's birthday party, and you go, and there's really nothing for you to do there. But the kid's having a really good time, so you're, kind of there. That's-that's kind of what it's like.
1598 2 1 The Dundies 250 Michael "You down with The Dundies? You down with the Dundie-"
1599 2 1 The Dundies 250 Dwight The waitress tripped on the cord.
1600 2 1 The Dundies 250 Michael Alright, alright, joke landed. So we are here, thank you all for coming to the 2005 Dundie awards. I am your host, Michael Scott. And I just want to tell you please, please, do not drink and drive. Because you may hit a bump and spill the drink!
1601 2 1 The Dundies 251 Kevin Oh, just put these on the group tab.
1602 2 1 The Dundies 251 Michael Nope, actually this year, ah, no group tab, we're going to be doing separate checks.
1603 2 1 The Dundies 251 Stanley You said, we could bring our families.
1604 2 1 The Dundies 251 Michael I did. And why didn't ya Stanley?
1605 2 1 The Dundies 251 Stanley I did, my wife's name is Terri.
1606 2 1 The Dundies 251 Michael Well, I'm looking forward to meeting Terri.
1607 2 1 The Dundies 251 Stanley It's this person who's hand I'm holding Michael.
1608 2 1 The Dundies 252 Michael Shut it. Um, good. Speaking of relationships, of all, all way shapes and forms. Um, I was out on a very, very hot date with a girl from HR, Dwight.
1609 2 1 The Dundies 252 Dwight Really? We don't have any girls from HR.
1610 2 1 The Dundies 252 Michael No, that...for the sake of the story. And things were getting hot and heavy.
1611 2 1 The Dundies 252 Dwight Yeah?
1612 2 1 The Dundies 252 Michael And I was about to take her bra off...
1613 2 1 The Dundies 252 Dwight Yeah!
1614 2 1 The Dundies 252 Michael ...when she made me fill out six hours of paperwork-
1615 2 1 The Dundies 252 Dwight Like an AIDS test?
1616 2 1 The Dundies 252 Michael No! God.
1617 2 1 The Dundies 253 Michael Alright, so let's get this party staaaarrrrted.
1618 2 1 The Dundies 254 Darryl Hey let's go to Poor Richard's.
1619 2 1 The Dundies 254 Roy Yeah, let's get out of here.
1620 2 1 The Dundies 254 Pam Um...
1621 2 1 The Dundies 255 Michael Um, guys, where you going? Pam, show's just getting started.
1622 2 1 The Dundies 255 Pam Sorry.
1623 2 1 The Dundies 256 Ryan You staying?
1624 2 1 The Dundies 256 Jim Yeah, gotta eat somewhere.
1625 2 1 The Dundies 257 Michael And now... to someone who quietly goes about their job, but always seems to land the biggest accounts...
1626 2 1 The Dundies 257 Michael ...the "Busiest Beaver" award goes to Phyllis Lapin.
1627 2 1 The Dundies 257 Michael Yeah, way to go Phyllis. Nice work, per usual.
1628 2 1 The Dundies 257 Phyllis This says "Bushiest Beaver".
1629 2 1 The Dundies 257 Michael What? I told them busiest...idiots.
1630 2 1 The Dundies 257 Phyllis It's, it's fine.
1631 2 1 The Dundies 257 Michael Well, we'll fix it up. You don't have to display that.
1632 2 1 The Dundies 258 Pam ...because that's what happens every time!
1633 2 1 The Dundies 258 Roy ...talking about? He's a jackass every year.
1634 2 1 The Dundies 258 Pam No.
1635 2 1 The Dundies 258 Roy Come on, we're going to Poor Richard's.
1636 2 1 The Dundies 258 Pam No, I don't want to go, I don't want to.
1637 2 1 The Dundies 258 Roy Pam. Go.
1638 2 1 The Dundies 258 Pam If you would have asked me that, then you would know.
1639 2 1 The Dundies 259 Michael Herro everybodeeee. I'm gonna cwall Jan Revinson-Gould.
1640 2 1 The Dundies 260 Jim Hey! How are ya? I thought you left?
1641 2 1 The Dundies 260 Pam Oh no, I just, I decided to stay.
1642 2 1 The Dundies 260 Jim Oh!
1643 2 1 The Dundies 260 Pam I'll just get a ride home from Angela.
1644 2 1 The Dundies 260 Jim Oh.
1645 2 1 The Dundies 261 Pam Oh good, I'm just in time for Ping.
1646 2 1 The Dundies 261 Jim Yeah.
1647 2 1 The Dundies 261 Michael Oh, dat wir be fwar. Ah, me so horny.
1648 2 1 The Dundies 261 Michael Right? You know wat I'm talking 'bout.
1649 2 1 The Dundies 262 Pam Can I get a drink?
1650 2 1 The Dundies 263 Michael This next award goes to somebody, who really, lights up the office.
1651 2 1 The Dundies 263 Michael Somebody, who I think a lot of us, cannot keep, from checking out. The "Hottest in the Office" award goes to... ...Ryan the temp!
1652 2 1 The Dundies 263 Michael Yeah. "Hidy ho, you sexy thang. You sexy thang you." Here you go.
1653 2 1 The Dundies 264 Ryan What am I going to do with the award? Nothing. I-I don't know what I'm going to do. That's the least of my...concerns right now.
1654 2 1 The Dundies 265 Michael And the "Tight Ass" award goes to Angela. Not only because she is everybody's favorite stickler, but because she has, a great caboose. So...come on down.
1655 2 1 The Dundies 265 Angela No.
1656 2 1 The Dundies 266 Jim I think those might be empty.
1657 2 1 The Dundies 266 Pam No, no. 'Cause the ice melts and then it's like second drink!
1658 2 1 The Dundies 266 Jim Second drink?
1659 2 1 The Dundies 267 Michael The "Spicy Curry" award goes to our very own Kelly Kapoor! Get on up here. Here you go.
1660 2 1 The Dundies 267 Kelly "Spicy Curry", what's that mean?
1661 2 1 The Dundies 267 Michael Um, not everything means something, it's just a joke.
1662 2 1 The Dundies 267 Kelly Yeah, but why'd you give it to me?
1663 2 1 The Dundies 267 Michael I don't know, it's just...
1664 2 1 The Dundies 267 Kelly This is a bowler-
1665 2 1 The Dundies 267 Michael I know. It's ju- they didn't have any more businessmen. So...
1666 2 1 The Dundies 267 Kelly Yeah, but everyone else-
1667 2 1 The Dundies 267 Michael Just sit down Kelly.
1668 2 1 The Dundies 268 Michael It's so freakin' hot in there. Now I know what Bob Hope was going through when he performed in Saudi Arabia. Man! I got Dwight sucking the funny out of the room, but you do what you can do. Here we go, he's early with the cue. Here we go.
1669 2 1 The Dundies 269 Michael "You have won a tiny Dundie."
1670 2 1 The Dundies 269 Guy at bar Sing it Elton.
1671 2 1 The Dundies 269 Michael Hey, thanks guys. Hey, where you guys from?
1672 2 1 The Dundies 269 Other Guy at Bar We just came from yo' mama's house.
1673 2 1 The Dundies 270 Michael Oh, alright, yeah.
1674 2 1 The Dundies 270 Guy At Bar Sing 'em a song dude.
1675 2 1 The Dundies 270 Michael Uh, you know what guys, we're just having a little office party, so if you want, uh...
1676 2 1 The Dundies 270 Michael Hey, you know, cool it guys, really-
1677 2 1 The Dundies 270 Guy At Bar You suck man!
1678 2 1 The Dundies 270 Michael Let's cut it.
1679 2 1 The Dundies 270 Michael I had a few more Dundies to, uh, give out tonight, but, I'm just going to cut it short. And wrap it up so everybody can enjoy their food. Um...thanks for listening, those who listened. This last Dundie is for Kevin, this is the "Don't Go in There After Me" award. It's for the time that I went into the bathroom after him, and it was really, really smelly. So...
1680 2 1 The Dundies 270 Michael There you go.
1681 2 1 The Dundies 271 Pam Yay Kevin. Whoo hoo for Kevin! For stinking up the bathroom.
1682 2 1 The Dundies 271 Jim Yeah, alright Kev.
1683 2 1 The Dundies 271 Pam Woo! Hey, I haven't gotten one yet!
1684 2 1 The Dundies 271 Jim Yes, I have not gotten one either. So, keep going.
1685 2 1 The Dundies 271 Pam More Dundies!
1686 2 1 The Dundies 271 Pam, Jim Dundies! Dundies! Dundies! Dundies!
1687 2 1 The Dundies 271 Everybody Dundies! Dundies!
1688 2 1 The Dundies 271 Michael Alright, alright, alright, okay. Alright, we'll keep rolling. Okay, this is the fine work award. This goes to Stanley, for all the fine work he did this year.
1689 2 1 The Dundies 271 Pam Fine work! Fine work Stanley!
1690 2 1 The Dundies 271 Michael You know you did.
1691 2 1 The Dundies 272 Pam Here here! Speech, speech, speech, speech
1692 2 1 The Dundies 272 Stanley Well, well, last year, I got great work, so I don't...
1693 2 1 The Dundies 272 Stanley So, I don't know what to think about this award. But at least I didn't get smelliest bowel movement like Kevin.
1694 2 1 The Dundies 273 Michael And this next award is going out to our own little Pam Beesley...
1695 2 1 The Dundies 273 Michael ...I think we all know what award Pam is going to be getting this year.
1696 2 1 The Dundies 273 Michael It is the "Whitest Sneakers" award! Because she always has the whitest tennis shoes on!
1697 2 1 The Dundies 274 Michael Get on down here! Pam Beesley ladies and gentlemen! Oh, here we go.
1698 2 1 The Dundies 274 Pam I have so many people to thank for this award.
1699 2 1 The Dundies 274 Pam Okay, first off, my Keds. Because I couldn't have done it without them. Thank you. Let's give Michael a round of applause for MC-ing tonight because this is a lot harder than it looks. And also because of Dwight too.
1700 2 1 The Dundies 274 Pam Um, so, finally, I want to thank God. Because God gave me this Dundie.
1701 2 1 The Dundies 274 Pam And, I feel God in this Chili's tonight. WHOOOOOOOO!!!!
1702 2 1 The Dundies 274 Michael Pam Beesley ladies and gentleman. Oh! Thank you.
1703 2 1 The Dundies 275 Jim What a great year for the Dundies.
1704 2 1 The Dundies 276 Jim We got to see Ping. And we learned of Michael's true feelings for Ryan. Which was touching. And, we heard Michael change the lyrics to a number of classic songs. Which for me, has ruined them for life.
1705 2 1 The Dundies 276 Jim What?
1706 2 1 The Dundies 276 Pam Nothing.
1707 2 1 The Dundies 276 Jim Okay.
1708 2 1 The Dundies 276 Pam What?
1709 2 1 The Dundies 276 Jim I don't know, what?
1710 2 1 The Dundies 276 Jim Oh my God! You are so drunk!
1711 2 1 The Dundies 277 Jim Did you get that? Please tell me you got that. This is all going to be on.
1712 2 1 The Dundies 277 Dwight Quick, quick, the woman is having a seizure. Grab her tongue, grab her tongue! It's okay, I'm a sheriff's deputy.
1713 2 1 The Dundies 277 Jim He's a volunteer.
1714 2 1 The Dundies 277 Dwight Don't get into that now. We need something to cushion her head. Throw pillow? A cush-
1715 2 1 The Dundies 277 Jim Dwight come on, come-
1716 2 1 The Dundies 277 Dwight It's okay, I'm going to use my shirt.
1717 2 1 The Dundies 277 Pam Dwight, get off me!
1718 2 1 The Dundies 277 Employee I'm sorry, you're gonna have to put your clothes back on, people are trying to eat.
1719 2 1 The Dundies 277 Dwight Ahh! I can't-
1720 2 1 The Dundies 278 Michael Was this year's Dundies a success? Well, let's see, I made Pam laugh so hard, that she fell out of her chair, and she almost broke her neck. So I killed, almost.
1721 2 1 The Dundies 279 Pam Oh my God!
1722 2 1 The Dundies 279 Jim Whoa.
1723 2 1 The Dundies 279 Pam I just want to say, that this was the best, Dundies, ever! WHOOOOOOOOO!!!
1724 2 1 The Dundies 279 Jim Whoa.
1725 2 1 The Dundies 279 Jim Whoa, careful, careful.
1726 2 1 The Dundies 280 Chili's Employee We have a strict policy here not to over serve. Apparently, this young woman was sneaking drinks off other people's tables. I Xeroxed her driver's license and she is not welcome to this restaurant chain ever again.
1727 2 1 The Dundies 281 Michael Great work tonight.
1728 2 1 The Dundies 281 Dwight Watch your step.
1729 2 1 The Dundies 281 Michael Excellent.
1730 2 1 The Dundies 281 Dwight Thanks, I had to, uh, check her pupils to make sure there wasn't a concussion.
1731 2 1 The Dundies 281 Michael Yes, that too, but I mean with the audio. Great work.
1732 2 1 The Dundies 282 Pam I feel bad about what I wrote on the bathroom wall.
1733 2 1 The Dundies 282 Jim No you don't.
1734 2 1 The Dundies 283 Jim Oh, here she is. Careful, careful, whoa. Alright, easy. Almost there.
1735 2 1 The Dundies 283 Pam Hey, um, can I ask you a question?
1736 2 1 The Dundies 283 Jim Shoot.
1737 2 1 The Dundies 283 Pam Um, I just wanted to say thanks.
1738 2 1 The Dundies 283 Jim Not really a question. Okay, let's get you home, you're drunk.
1739 2 1 The Dundies 283 Jim Alright.
1740 2 1 The Dundies 283 Pam Bye.
1741 2 1 The Dundies 283 Jim Goodnight, have a good night. Thank you Angela.
1742 2 2 Sexual Harassment 284 Michael Hey, what's up?
1743 2 2 Sexual Harassment 284 Jim Hey.
1744 2 2 Sexual Harassment 284 Michael Any emails today?
1745 2 2 Sexual Harassment 284 Jim Um... I don't think so.
1746 2 2 Sexual Harassment 284 Michael No? Um... Check your spam folder.
1747 2 2 Sexual Harassment 284 Jim Oh! There it is!
1748 2 2 Sexual Harassment 284 Michael What?
1749 2 2 Sexual Harassment 284 Jim Um... 'Fifty signs your priest might be Michael Jackson.'
1750 2 2 Sexual Harassment 284 Jim Well done.
1751 2 2 Sexual Harassment 284 Michael Kay.
1752 2 2 Sexual Harassment 284 Jim Topical.
1753 2 2 Sexual Harassment 285 Michael I am king of forwards. It's how I like to do business, everybody joking around. We're like 'Friends'. I am Chandler and Joey and, uh, Pam is Rachel. And Dwight is Kramer.
1754 2 2 Sexual Harassment 286 Dwight So the monkey does the s*x thing right here!
1755 2 2 Sexual Harassment 286 Michael That's funny! That's funny. Not offensive. Uh... because it's nature. Educational.
1756 2 2 Sexual Harassment 286 Dwight Do you want the link because then you could forward it around?
1757 2 2 Sexual Harassment 286 Michael Um, I...
1758 2 2 Sexual Harassment 286 Dwight Consider it?
1759 2 2 Sexual Harassment 286 Michael Yeah... maybe. Maybe. Well, we'll see. Because I... I don't know if it's... Whup! Come on! Hey!
1760 2 2 Sexual Harassment 286 Todd Packer What has two thumbs and likes to bone your Mom? This guy!
1761 2 2 Sexual Harassment 286 Michael Kay! Oh, you are so bad! Yeah!
1762 2 2 Sexual Harassment 286 Michael Oh, Boom! Bam! Oh, this guy is out of control! He is a madman! Better get the bleep button ready for him.
1763 2 2 Sexual Harassment 286 Todd Packer bleep, bleep. What's up, Halpert?
1764 2 2 Sexual Harassment 286 Michael Uh oh.
1765 2 2 Sexual Harassment 286 Todd Packer Still queer?
1766 2 2 Sexual Harassment 286 Michael Uh oh! Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-o!
1767 2 2 Sexual Harassment 287 Michael Todd Packer and I are total BFF. Best Friends Forever. He and I came up together as salesmen. One time, we were out and we met this set of twins. And Packer told them that we were brothers. And so, you know, one thing led to another, and we brought em back to the motel. And then Packer did both of them. It was awesome. So...
1768 2 2 Sexual Harassment 288 Michael Oh-whoa-oh! Oh! Okay. Grade 'A' gossip for you, right now. Randall, CFO, resigned. Nobody knows why.
1769 2 2 Sexual Harassment 288 Todd Packer Are you kidding? Everyone knows why! You don't know? Okay, check this out. Al lright. So here's the story. So Randall is nailing his secretary, right? And she is totally incompetent.
1770 2 2 Sexual Harassment 288 Michael Really? Here we go! Buckle up. It's going to be a bumpy one!
1771 2 2 Sexual Harassment 288 Todd Packer We're talking blonde incompetent.
1772 2 2 Sexual Harassment 288 Michael Oh, yeah.
1773 2 2 Sexual Harassment 288 Todd Packer Like 10 words a minute... talking.
1774 2 2 Sexual Harassment 288 Michael Well, to be fair... blondes, brunettes, you know, there's a lot of dumb people out there.
1775 2 2 Sexual Harassment 288 Todd Packer They are women, right?
1776 2 2 Sexual Harassment 288 Michael Oh! Wow! I didn't say it! I didn't say it!
1777 2 2 Sexual Harassment 288 Todd Packer I said it. And then, suddenly, for no reason, this bimbo blows the whistle on the whole thing just to be a bitch.
1778 2 2 Sexual Harassment 288 Michael Oh, wow! What did I tell you about the bleep button.
1779 2 2 Sexual Harassment 289 Jim Hey, um... what has two thumbs and hates Todd Packer? This guy!
1780 2 2 Sexual Harassment 290 Todd Packer Meant to ask you, can you think you can get someone to drive me around because of the, uh, DUI situation?
1781 2 2 Sexual Harassment 290 Michael Oh. Bad boy. Um... Ryan?
1782 2 2 Sexual Harassment 290 Todd Packer Come on, kid. Let's go.
1783 2 2 Sexual Harassment 290 Michael Ah! Man. That Todd Packer can do anything.
1784 2 2 Sexual Harassment 290 Jim Except pass that breathalyzer.
1785 2 2 Sexual Harassment 291 Ryan You a big William Hung fan?
1786 2 2 Sexual Harassment 291 Todd Packer Why does everyone ask me that? Who the hell is that?
1787 2 2 Sexual Harassment 292 Jim I'm really excited to meet your Mom.
1788 2 2 Sexual Harassment 292 Pam You are?
1789 2 2 Sexual Harassment 293 Pam My Mom is coming in to visit. And she lives like two hours away. And she doesn't have a cell phone... which is cool cause it's kind of adding some suspense to my day. And I keep looking over at the door hoping she'll walk in.
1790 2 2 Sexual Harassment 294 Pam I've decided to show her around. She really wants to meet everybody.
1791 2 2 Sexual Harassment 294 Jim Oh yeah?
1792 2 2 Sexual Harassment 294 Pam mmhmm.
1793 2 2 Sexual Harassment 294 Jim Good. Cause I have a lot of questions.
1794 2 2 Sexual Harassment 294 Pam Oh really?
1795 2 2 Sexual Harassment 294 Jim Yeah. As a child, did Pam show any traits that would hint towards her future career as a receptionist?
1796 2 2 Sexual Harassment 295 Michael Hey, send me that link to the monkey s*x video. I'm going to forward it like it's hot.
1797 2 2 Sexual Harassment 295 Dwight Yes!
1798 2 2 Sexual Harassment 295 Michael Forward it like it's hot. Forward it like it's hot. "Old School".
1799 2 2 Sexual Harassment 295 Toby Michael?
1800 2 2 Sexual Harassment 295 Michael Yes, Toby?
1801 2 2 Sexual Harassment 295 Toby Um... I need to talk to you in your office. It'll just take two seconds.
1802 2 2 Sexual Harassment 295 Michael Um... literally two seconds?
1803 2 2 Sexual Harassment 296 Michael Toby is in HR which technically means he works for Corporate. So he's really not a part of our family. Also he's divorced so he's really not a part of his family.
1804 2 2 Sexual Harassment 297 Toby The full story is that Randall resigned because of sexual harassment. So Corporate asked me to do a five minute review of the Company Sexual Harassment policy.
1805 2 2 Sexual Harassment 297 Michael No, no, Toby. No.
1806 2 2 Sexual Harassment 297 Toby It's really not a big deal, Michael.
1807 2 2 Sexual Harassment 297 Michael It is a big deal. It's a big deal! What are we supposed to do? Scrutinize every little thing we say and do all day? I mean, come on!
1808 2 2 Sexual Harassment 297 Toby And then Corporate is going to send in a lawyer...
1809 2 2 Sexual Harassment 297 Michael What?
1810 2 2 Sexual Harassment 297 Toby Just to refresh you... .
1811 2 2 Sexual Harassment 297 Michael NO!
1812 2 2 Sexual Harassment 297 Toby on our policy.
1813 2 2 Sexual Harassment 297 Michael What? He! No! Okay, what is a lawyer going to come in and tell us? To not send out hilarious emails or not tell jokes?
1814 2 2 Sexual Harassment 297 Toby Maybe not some of them. Maybe not inappropriate ones.
1815 2 2 Sexual Harassment 297 Michael There is no such thing as an appropriate joke. That's why it's a joke.
1816 2 2 Sexual Harassment 298 Michael Everyone! Hello! Everyone. Hi! Sorry to interrupt. I know you're all busy and the last thing you want is for a major interruption. But Toby has an announcement that he insists on making right now in the middle of the day. So, take it away.
1817 2 2 Sexual Harassment 298 Toby Yeah, okay. Corporate would like us to do a five minute review of the Company Sexual Harassment policy so I'll go over that later.
1818 2 2 Sexual Harassment 298 Michael I wish you luck, Toby. I really do. But you are going to have a mutiny on your hands and I just can't wait to see how you handle it.
1819 2 2 Sexual Harassment 299 Michael A guy goes to a five dollar... lady of the night and he gets crabs. So, the next day he goes back to complain. And the woman says "Hey. It was only five dollars. What did you expect? Lobster?" This is what's at stake.
1820 2 2 Sexual Harassment 300 Michael Time to bring out the big guns. I'm heading down to the warehouse where jokes are born. Find a killer joke that'll just blow everybody away at the seminar later. And remind them what is great about this place. So... ah! Here they are. Guys! Wondering if I could, uh, get your help for something. I'm looking for a new joke to tell and it needs to be just killer. And it does not need to be clean. So whatcha got?
1821 2 2 Sexual Harassment 300 Darryl Like a joke? A knock-knock joke?
1822 2 2 Sexual Harassment 300 Michael Um, yeah, no, well... I mean better. Better than that. The type of stuff you guys tell all day.
1823 2 2 Sexual Harassment 300 Darryl Well, those are some awful tight pants you have on. Where'd you get em? Like Queers R Us?
1824 2 2 Sexual Harassment 300 Roy Boys R Us!
1825 2 2 Sexual Harassment 300 Warehouse Guy Oh!
1826 2 2 Sexual Harassment 300 Michael Alright, alright. Well, yeah, but, you know... a joke but not necessarily at my expense.
1827 2 2 Sexual Harassment 300 Darryl Man, we can see all your business coming around the corner, okay? You need to, you know, hide the... good thing you don't have a lot of business to start with.
1828 2 2 Sexual Harassment 300 Michael Oooh, okay. That was still about me.
1829 2 2 Sexual Harassment 300 Roy Hey, hey, hey.
1830 2 2 Sexual Harassment 300 Michael What?
1831 2 2 Sexual Harassment 300 Roy So you don't have the biggest package. Don't feel bad.
1832 2 2 Sexual Harassment 300 Michael I don't feel bad.
1833 2 2 Sexual Harassment 300 Darryl I think he feels bad.
1834 2 2 Sexual Harassment 300 Michael No, I don't.
1835 2 2 Sexual Harassment 300 Roy You look like you feel bad.
1836 2 2 Sexual Harassment 300 Michael Okay.
1837 2 2 Sexual Harassment 300 Roy Little package!
1838 2 2 Sexual Harassment 300 Michael Well, not exactly what I was looking for but thanks guys.
1839 2 2 Sexual Harassment 300 Warehouse guy Little package! Little package!
1840 2 2 Sexual Harassment 300 Michael Thank you.
1841 2 2 Sexual Harassment 300 Roy You look good.
1842 2 2 Sexual Harassment 300 Darryl Hiding from his momma.
1843 2 2 Sexual Harassment 301 Toby So remember, intent is irrelevant. And that's it. Pam?
1844 2 2 Sexual Harassment 301 Pam Um... I just wanted to say that... Just, my Mom's coming in today.
1845 2 2 Sexual Harassment 301 Kevin MILF!
1846 2 2 Sexual Harassment 301 Pam Thanks, Kevin.
1847 2 2 Sexual Harassment 302 Pam Usually the day we talk about sexual harassment is the day that everyone harasses me as a joke.
1848 2 2 Sexual Harassment 303 Pam She's coming in today and maybe just don't joke around about that stuff in front of her.
1849 2 2 Sexual Harassment 303 Toby Great point.
1850 2 2 Sexual Harassment 303 Pam Thank you.
1851 2 2 Sexual Harassment 303 Toby Um... in fact, basic rule of thumb, let's just act everyday like Pam's Mom's coming in. All right. That's it. Um... if anybody has any questions about anything, you know where I sit in the back.
1852 2 2 Sexual Harassment 303 Michael Hi, is it over?
1853 2 2 Sexual Harassment 303 Toby Uh, yes!
1854 2 2 Sexual Harassment 303 Michael No.
1855 2 2 Sexual Harassment 303 Toby I can go over it with you.
1856 2 2 Sexual Harassment 303 Michael I know, I know. It's good. It is not over. It is not over til it's over.
1857 2 2 Sexual Harassment 303 Toby It's over.
1858 2 2 Sexual Harassment 303 Michael Did he tell you everything? Obviously, he didn't because you all still look relatively happy. Albeit bored. Do you realize what we're losing? Seriously?
1859 2 2 Sexual Harassment 303 Angela Email forwards.
1860 2 2 Sexual Harassment 303 Michael Exactly! Mmwwah ! Can we afford to lose email forwards? Do we want that?
1861 2 2 Sexual Harassment 303 Angela I hate them. You send me these filthy emails and you say forward them to ten people or you'll have bad luck.
1862 2 2 Sexual Harassment 303 Michael Give me a break. Umm... Stanley, how about that hot picture you have by your desk? Centerfold in the Catholic schoolgirl's outfit? I mean, it is hot, it is sexy, and it turns him on. And I will admit, best part of my morning is staring at it. But what? Are we just going to take it away?
1863 2 2 Sexual Harassment 303 Stanley That is my daughter. She goes to Catholic girls' school. I am taking it down right now.
1864 2 2 Sexual Harassment 303 Meredith Um... what about office romance?
1865 2 2 Sexual Harassment 303 Toby Office relationships are never a good idea. Yeah. So let's just try to avoid them. But, um, if you already have one, you should disclose it to HR.
1866 2 2 Sexual Harassment 303 Phyllis All relationships? Eh, even a one-night stand?
1867 2 2 Sexual Harassment 303 Michael I think the old honor system was just fine. For example, I have never slept with an employee. And, believe me, I could have.
1868 2 2 Sexual Harassment 303 Dwight Yeah, Meredith.
1869 2 2 Sexual Harassment 303 Michael No! No! Catherine. Remember her? Remember how hot she was?
1870 2 2 Sexual Harassment 303 Dwight Yes.
1871 2 2 Sexual Harassment 303 Michael She would have definitely slept with me.
1872 2 2 Sexual Harassment 303 Kevin She wasn't that hot.
1873 2 2 Sexual Harassment 303 Michael Yes, she was. Dammit, Kevin!
1874 2 2 Sexual Harassment 303 Toby Ok, you know, Michael...
1875 2 2 Sexual Harassment 304 Jim I'm in an office relationship. It's special. Um... she's nice. She's shy. She's actually here. You want to meet her? Hold on one second. Oh, my God! Put on a shirt! Put on a... . I told you that you'd be on camera. I'm sorry, she's European. No, I told you that you'd be on camera. Stop it.
1876 2 2 Sexual Harassment 305 Michael What if Pam was a lesbian? What if she brought her "partner" in to work? Would that be crossing the line?
1877 2 2 Sexual Harassment 305 Toby No.
1878 2 2 Sexual Harassment 305 Michael What if they made out? In front of everybody?
1879 2 2 Sexual Harassment 305 Toby Well, that would be...
1880 2 2 Sexual Harassment 305 Michael At home? And I told everybody everything about it.
1881 2 2 Sexual Harassment 305 Toby Okay, I'm lost.
1882 2 2 Sexual Harassment 305 Michael Okay. Well, then let's act it out. Pam, you will be girl A and girl B will be... Okay! We'll use the doll. Pam. Pam?
1883 2 2 Sexual Harassment 306 Michael I wish Todd Packer was here because he would love this. I wonder if anybody else would like to do this. Hey! Um... we have to watch, uh, Toby's video that he's showing us in order to brainwash us and I was wondering if anybody would like to join in? Going to be fun. Got my great pizza. Whataya say? Jim?
1884 2 2 Sexual Harassment 306 Jim No, thanks. I'm good.
1885 2 2 Sexual Harassment 306 Michael That's what she said. Pam?
1886 2 2 Sexual Harassment 306 Pam Uh... my mother's coming.
1887 2 2 Sexual Harassment 306 Michael That's what she sai Nope, but... Okay. Well, suit yourself.
1888 2 2 Sexual Harassment 307 Dwight Hey, Toby.
1889 2 2 Sexual Harassment 307 Toby Hey Dwight.
1890 2 2 Sexual Harassment 307 Dwight You said that we could come to you if we had any questions.
1891 2 2 Sexual Harassment 307 Toby Sure.
1892 2 2 Sexual Harassment 307 Dwight Where is the clitoris? On a website, it said at the crest of the labia. What does that mean? What does the female v*g1n* look like?
1893 2 2 Sexual Harassment 308 Toby Technically, I am in Human Resources. And Dwight was asking about human anatomy. Um... I'm just sad the public school system failed him so badly.
1894 2 2 Sexual Harassment 309 Toby Yeah, maybe when you get really comfortable with each other, you can ask for that.
1895 2 2 Sexual Harassment 309 Dwight Good. Good. And...
1896 2 2 Sexual Harassment 309 Toby I should get back to work.
1897 2 2 Sexual Harassment 309 Dwight Okay.
1898 2 2 Sexual Harassment 310 Man in Video In today's fast-paced business climate, it can sometimes be hard to know when a comment or an action crosses the line. Let's take a look at a couple of scenarios and ask ourselves 'where is the line?'
1899 2 2 Sexual Harassment 310 Video : The Natural Redhead]
1900 2 2 Sexual Harassment 310 Roy Natural redhead.
1901 2 2 Sexual Harassment 310 Actor Hey, Rach.
1902 2 2 Sexual Harassment 310 Redheaded Actress Hey, Joe. Mike.
1903 2 2 Sexual Harassment 310 Actor Hey, settle a bet. Are you a natural redhead?
1904 2 2 Sexual Harassment 310 Darryl Oh, Mi... ! Hey, stop the video! Michael, stop it right there! Stop it right there! That's that girl from that thing. I banged this girl right here. This is...
1905 2 2 Sexual Harassment 310 Roy That's her?
1906 2 2 Sexual Harassment 310 Darryl Yes, this is the one.
1907 2 2 Sexual Harassment 310 Roy No!
1908 2 2 Sexual Harassment 310 Darryl You remember? Yes!
1909 2 2 Sexual Harassment 310 Roy At the party?
1910 2 2 Sexual Harassment 310 Warehouse guy You banged her?
1911 2 2 Sexual Harassment 310 Darryl Yes! Right here. You are a naughty girl!
1912 2 2 Sexual Harassment 310 Michael Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... Okay! Hypocrite! She is a hypocrite. That is such a scam! Okay.
1913 2 2 Sexual Harassment 311 Jan Yes. Yes, I did. Okay. Well, we can talk about that later then. Hi.
1914 2 2 Sexual Harassment 311 Michael Okay, you are never going to believe this. The girl in the video we're watching that Corporate gave us... Darryl banged her! Aaand is about 90% sure.
1915 2 2 Sexual Harassment 312 Todd Packer Don't ever let this little bitch drive you around town. We got, uh, lost for half an hour.
1916 2 2 Sexual Harassment 312 Pam I don't have any DUI's so I can drive myself, but thanks.
1917 2 2 Sexual Harassment 312 Todd Packer Where is Michael Snot? Sniffing some dude's thong? Probably.
1918 2 2 Sexual Harassment 313 Michael So you are the lawyer, Mr. O'Malley? I know a lot of lawyer jokes.
1919 2 2 Sexual Harassment 313 Mr. O'Malley I love lawyer jokes.
1920 2 2 Sexual Harassment 313 Michael Well, it's probably because you don't get 'em.
1921 2 2 Sexual Harassment 314 Michael When I said before that I was king of forwards, you got to understand that I don't come up with this stuff. I just forward it along. You wouldn't arrest a guy who's just delivering drugs from one guy to another.
1922 2 2 Sexual Harassment 315 Jan You seem a little bit agitated, Michael. What's the problem?
1923 2 2 Sexual Harassment 315 Michael The problem is that I am the boss and apparently I can't say anything.
1924 2 2 Sexual Harassment 315 Jan Well, that... that's true in a way. You can't say anything.
1925 2 2 Sexual Harassment 315 Michael Where's the line? Where's the line, Jan.
1926 2 2 Sexual Harassment 315 Jan Do you need to see the video again, Michael?
1927 2 2 Sexual Harassment 315 Michael No, I've seen the video.
1928 2 2 Sexual Harassment 315 Toby He talked the whole time.
1929 2 2 Sexual Harassment 315 Michael No, I didn't. Huh, what?
1930 2 2 Sexual Harassment 316 Michael Attention, everyone! Hello! Ah, yes! I just want you to know that, uh, this is not my decision, but from here on out... we can no longer be friends. And when we talk about things here we must only discuss work-associated things. And, uh, you can consider this my retirement from comedy. And in the future, if I want to say something funny or witty or do an impression, I will no longer, ever, do any of those things.
1931 2 2 Sexual Harassment 316 Jim Does that include 'That's What She Said'?
1932 2 2 Sexual Harassment 316 Michael Mmmhmm. Yes.
1933 2 2 Sexual Harassment 316 Jim Wow! That is really hard. You really think you can go all day long? Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling, so...
1934 2 2 Sexual Harassment 316 Michael THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!
1935 2 2 Sexual Harassment 316 Jan Michael. MICHAEL!
1936 2 2 Sexual Harassment 316 Michael Come on.
1937 2 2 Sexual Harassment 316 Jan Michael, please.
1938 2 2 Sexual Harassment 316 Todd Packer There he is.
1939 2 2 Sexual Harassment 316 Michael Mwah!
1940 2 2 Sexual Harassment 316 Todd Packer There he is. Good one.
1941 2 2 Sexual Harassment 317 Michael You would have done the same. You just didn't think of it first.
1942 2 2 Sexual Harassment 317 Jan Mike... Michael. Please. I... I... really.
1943 2 2 Sexual Harassment 317 Michael It's... That's...
1944 2 2 Sexual Harassment 317 Jan That's not my sense of humor.
1945 2 2 Sexual Harassment 317 Michael Okay. Hello. Jan. Mr. O'Malley. This is my lawyer, James P. Albiny.
1946 2 2 Sexual Harassment 317 Jan Wha...
1947 2 2 Sexual Harassment 317 Michael I believe you may recognize his face from the billboards. He specializes in Free Speech issues.
1948 2 2 Sexual Harassment 317 Albiny And motorcycle head injuries, worker's comp, and diet pill lawsuits.
1949 2 2 Sexual Harassment 317 Michael This guy does it all.
1950 2 2 Sexual Harassment 317 Jan 'Scuse me, I'm sorry. Michael. Mr. O'Malley is your lawyer.
1951 2 2 Sexual Harassment 317 Michael What?
1952 2 2 Sexual Harassment 317 Jan Mr. O'Malley is our Corporate lawyer. We have him on retainer. To protect the company as well as upper level management, such as yourself.
1953 2 2 Sexual Harassment 317 Michael So I'm not in trouble?
1954 2 2 Sexual Harassment 318 Michael I am so used to being the bad boy. I am so used to fighting Corporate that I forget that I am Corporate. Upper management. They hooked me up with an attorney. To protect me. You can't be too careful about what you say. Mo' money, mo' problems.
1955 2 2 Sexual Harassment 319 Michael Okay. Well, let's get you out of here, James. Um... I think we're under an hour still, so...
1956 2 2 Sexual Harassment 319 Albiny Yeah, but I did a lot of paperwork at home before I got here.
1957 2 2 Sexual Harassment 319 Michael I know. We'll talk about it later. Thanks for coming in.
1958 2 2 Sexual Harassment 320 Pam's Mom Um... hello.
1959 2 2 Sexual Harassment 320 Pam Oh my god!
1960 2 2 Sexual Harassment 320 Pam's Mom Finally made it!
1961 2 2 Sexual Harassment 320 Pam Hello!
1962 2 2 Sexual Harassment 321 Pam I love my Mom. Okay. That's probably really the most obvious statement ever.
1963 2 2 Sexual Harassment 322 Pam's Mom This is all yours?
1964 2 2 Sexual Harassment 322 Pam Yeah. I'm in charge of this whole area.
1965 2 2 Sexual Harassment 322 Pam's Mom Oh, my goodness. That's great.
1966 2 2 Sexual Harassment 323 Todd Packer So a guy goes home, tells his wife, "Honey. Pack your bags. I just won the lottery." She goes, "Oh my god! That's incredible! Where are we going?" He goes, "I don't know where you're going, just be out of here by five!" Boom!
1967 2 2 Sexual Harassment 324 Pam This is where I used to keep my computer.
1968 2 2 Sexual Harassment 324 Pam's Mom Oh, right! I remember...
1969 2 2 Sexual Harassment 324 Pam But then I moved it.
1970 2 2 Sexual Harassment 324 Pam's Mom with the picture.
1971 2 2 Sexual Harassment 324 Pam Yeah, yeah, but I uh... I switched stuff around because I actually needed like more room for organization. So...
1972 2 2 Sexual Harassment 324 Pam's Mom Sure.
1973 2 2 Sexual Harassment 324 Pam So this is like, um, an organization station...
1974 2 2 Sexual Harassment 324 Pam's Mom Oooooh!
1975 2 2 Sexual Harassment 324 Pam Hey!
1976 2 2 Sexual Harassment 324 Pam's Mom Well, there he is!
1977 2 2 Sexual Harassment 324 Roy How are ya?
1978 2 2 Sexual Harassment 324 Pam's Mom Hi, handsome!
1979 2 2 Sexual Harassment 324 Roy You look great!
1980 2 2 Sexual Harassment 324 Pam's Mom Oh, thank you! So! We ready for dinner?
1981 2 2 Sexual Harassment 324 Pam Well, you know... actually, I kind of need to stall a bit. But, it's okay, because I am very used to killing time.
1982 2 2 Sexual Harassment 324 Pam's Mom Oh, I don't believe that.
1983 2 2 Sexual Harassment 324 Roy Okay, I'm going to go wait in the parking lot. And what kind of tunes you want for the ride? Little, uh, classical? Or oldies?
1984 2 2 Sexual Harassment 324 Pam's Mom Oh, anything is fine.
1985 2 2 Sexual Harassment 324 Roy All right, I'll see ya.
1986 2 2 Sexual Harassment 324 Pam's Mom So which one is Jim?
1987 2 2 Sexual Harassment 324 Pam Mom!
1988 2 2 Sexual Harassment 324 Pam's Mom I just wanted to know.
1989 2 2 Sexual Harassment 324 Pam No.
1990 2 2 Sexual Harassment 324 Pam's Mom All right. Okay.
1991 2 2 Sexual Harassment 324 Pam Ten minutes.
1992 2 2 Sexual Harassment 324 Pam's Mom Okay.
1993 2 2 Sexual Harassment 324 Pam Then we can go to dinner.
1994 2 2 Sexual Harassment 324 Pam's Mom I'll make myself busy.
1995 2 2 Sexual Harassment 325 Todd Packer There's this guy. He's at a Nymphomaniac Convention. And he is psyched 'cause all these women are smokin' hot perfect 10's, except for this one chick who looks a lot like, uh...
1996 2 2 Sexual Harassment 325 Kevin Phyllis?
1997 2 2 Sexual Harassment 325 Michael No. No, no, no. That crosses the line.
1998 2 2 Sexual Harassment 325 Todd Packer Ex-squeeze me?
1999 2 2 Sexual Harassment 325 Michael Not you. Kevin. Just unwarranted. Hostile work environment, Kevin.
2000 2 2 Sexual Harassment 325 Kevin Packer said it.
2001 2 2 Sexual Harassment 325 Michael No. You said it. He pointed. A point is not a say. Look. Kevin, we are a family here and Phyllis is a valued member of that family. Like a grandmother.
2002 2 2 Sexual Harassment 325 Phyllis I'm the same age as you, Michael.
2003 2 2 Sexual Harassment 325 Michael I don't know about that.
2004 2 2 Sexual Harassment 325 Phyllis We're in the same High School class.
2005 2 2 Sexual Harassment 325 Michael Well, I have a late birthday and usually September's a cut-off point. You know what? You just crossed the line. Okay? There's a line and you went over it. And you must be punished. So go to your corner.
2006 2 2 Sexual Harassment 325 Kevin You mean where my desk is?
2007 2 2 Sexual Harassment 325 Michael Yes, your corner. Go.
2008 2 2 Sexual Harassment 325 Kevin Okay. I have a lot of work to do anyway.
2009 2 2 Sexual Harassment 325 Michael Mmmhmmm.
2010 2 2 Sexual Harassment 325 Todd Packer Oh my. They really got to you, didn't they?
2011 2 2 Sexual Harassment 325 Michael They didn't get to me. I got to them. I am still the same old Michael Scott. New and improved. You know what? I love Phyllis. You know what else? I think she is gorgeous. I think she is incredibly, incredibly attractive person. C'mere, c'mere, c'mon! Come on! Come on.
2012 2 2 Sexual Harassment 325 Phyllis Michael! Come on!
2013 2 2 Sexual Harassment 325 Michael Oooh!
2014 2 2 Sexual Harassment 325 Phyllis You don't have to worry. I'm not going to...
2015 2 2 Sexual Harassment 325 Michael I'm not worried.
2016 2 2 Sexual Harassment 325 Phyllis ...report you to HR.
2017 2 2 Sexual Harassment 325 Michael You know what? The only thing I'm worried about... is getting a boner. Good work today, everybody.
2018 2 2 Sexual Harassment 326 Michael Times have changed a little. And even though we're still a family here at Dunder-Mifflin, families grow. And at some point, the daddy can't take a bath with the kids anymore. I am Upper Management. And it would be inappropriate for me to take a bath with Pam. As much as I might want to.
2019 2 2 Sexual Harassment 327 Pam He said what?
2020 2 3 Office Olympics 328 Michael I'm an early bird, and I'm a night owl. So I'm wise, and I have worms. Oh, breakfast.
2021 2 3 Office Olympics 328 Ryan I got your sausage, egg and cheese biscuit.
2022 2 3 Office Olympics 328 Michael Yummy, yummy. Thank you, Ryan.
2023 2 3 Office Olympics 328 Ryan What was the thing, ah, you needed me to come in early for?
2024 2 3 Office Olympics 328 Michael Um. The sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit. But thank you. And why don't you take a couple hours. The office is yours. "Home Alone," "Risky Business." Take your pants off, run around. Whatever you gotta do.
2025 2 3 Office Olympics 328 Ryan I'm just going to take a nap in my car until work starts.
2026 2 3 Office Olympics 328 Michael Ok. Healthier. Gotta watch those carbs.
2027 2 3 Office Olympics 329 Michael Today, I, Michael Scott, am becoming a homeowner. Investing in real estate.
2028 2 3 Office Olympics 329 Dwight Diversifying. Smart.
2029 2 3 Office Olympics 329 Michael Yes it is. Yes it is. It is very important to own property. Back in olden days, they would not even let you vote unless you owned property and they'd throw you in the stocks and humiliate you.
2030 2 3 Office Olympics 329 Dwight And it worked. They should bring the stocks back. People'd obey the law, there'd be less troublemakers.
2031 2 3 Office Olympics 329 Michael Maybe.
2032 2 3 Office Olympics 330 Pam Every so often, Jim dies of boredom. I think today it was the expense reports that did him in. And our deal is that, it's up to me to revive him.
2033 2 3 Office Olympics 331 Pam You see Dwight's coffee mug?
2034 2 3 Office Olympics 331 Jim Mm-hmm.
2035 2 3 Office Olympics 331 Pam Sometimes when he's not here, I try to throw stuff in it.
2036 2 3 Office Olympics 331 Jim No way. Let's do this Oh.
2037 2 3 Office Olympics 331 Pam Here.
2038 2 3 Office Olympics 331 Jim Wind.
2039 2 3 Office Olympics 331 Pam Try paperclips. Oh wait. This message. For Dwight.
2040 2 3 Office Olympics 331 Jim Perfect.
2041 2 3 Office Olympics 331 Pam Oh.
2042 2 3 Office Olympics 331 Jim Oh.
2043 2 3 Office Olympics 332 Dwight You should go.
2044 2 3 Office Olympics 332 Michael Yes. Yes. Final walkthrough.
2045 2 3 Office Olympics 332 Dwight Uh huh.
2046 2 3 Office Olympics 332 Michael Sign the papers at the condo.
2047 2 3 Office Olympics 332 Dwight You have your lawyer there?
2048 2 3 Office Olympics 332 Michael Uh, I don't need one.
2049 2 3 Office Olympics 332 Dwight Can I be your representative?
2050 2 3 Office Olympics 332 Michael I don't need a representative.
2051 2 3 Office Olympics 332 Dwight I think I should be there.
2052 2 3 Office Olympics 332 Michael No, No.
2053 2 3 Office Olympics 332 Dwight I'm good. I can make sure things are up to code.
2054 2 3 Office Olympics 332 Michael No. Dwight. I'm fine.
2055 2 3 Office Olympics 332 Dwight Please, I'm always the guy you rely on at work.
2056 2 3 Office Olympics 332 Michael Well, this isn't about work. This is closing on a condo, it's completely personal.
2057 2 3 Office Olympics 332 Dwight So you're taking a personal day?
2058 2 3 Office Olympics 332 Michael Except that, this is about my living arrangement, and as boss, I need to have a living arrangement in order to do work.
2059 2 3 Office Olympics 332 Dwight Please, I'll make you proud.
2060 2 3 Office Olympics 332 Michael Ok. Fine. Yes, you can come.
2061 2 3 Office Olympics 332 Dwight Yes! As your representative?
2062 2 3 Office Olympics 332 Michael As my associate.
2063 2 3 Office Olympics 332 Dwight Same thing.
2064 2 3 Office Olympics 332 Michael No it is not.
2065 2 3 Office Olympics 333 Dwight I have been Michael's #2 guy for about 5 years. And we make a great team. We're like one of those classic famous teams. He's like Mozart, and I'm like Mozart's friend. No. I'm like Butch Cassidy, and Michael is like Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart; you're going to get a bullet in your head courtesy of Butch Cassidy.
2066 2 3 Office Olympics 334 Michael Oh, most honorable Pamera. Not offensive, because that's the way they talk in movies.
2067 2 3 Office Olympics 334 Pam You headed out?
2068 2 3 Office Olympics 334 Michael We are. Dwight and I are going to the big thing. So why don't you have everybody work on their expense reports and I'd like them in by the end of the day.
2069 2 3 Office Olympics 334 Pam Ok.
2070 2 3 Office Olympics 334 Michael Very good.
2071 2 3 Office Olympics 334 Pam Have a great time.
2072 2 3 Office Olympics 334 Michael We will. Um, did you do the thing I asked you to do about the magazines?
2073 2 3 Office Olympics 334 Pam Yeah, I changed them to your new address.
2074 2 3 Office Olympics 334 Michael Good. The Small Business Man?
2075 2 3 Office Olympics 334 Pam Yup.
2076 2 3 Office Olympics 334 Michael Maxim? American Way? Cracked?
2077 2 3 Office Olympics 334 Pam Yes, I changed your Cracked magazine subscription.
2078 2 3 Office Olympics 334 Michael How about, uh, Fine Arts? Aficionado Monthly?
2079 2 3 Office Olympics 334 Michael NO, well can you get on that, because I don't just read Cracked. Thank you.
2080 2 3 Office Olympics 334 Pam Yeah.
2081 2 3 Office Olympics 334 Michael Ok. See you soon.
2082 2 3 Office Olympics 335 Dwight What kind of shocks you got on this baby?
2083 2 3 Office Olympics 335 Michael I don't know, regular. Normal ones. Nothing fancy. Not my style. What are you doing?
2084 2 3 Office Olympics 335 Dwight I want to put the top down.
2085 2 3 Office Olympics 335 Michael What? No, Dwight. It's fifty degrees outside. Don't... please...
2086 2 3 Office Olympics 335 Dwight But then no one can see us.
2087 2 3 Office Olympics 335 Michael I... Just... Would you put it up? Ok. Fine. Just leave it down. Whiner.
2088 2 3 Office Olympics 335 Dwight Check it out. Terminator.
2089 2 3 Office Olympics 335 Michael I do not understand what you spend your money on.
2090 2 3 Office Olympics 336 Kevin Ooh.
2091 2 3 Office Olympics 336 Jim Hey, Oscar, on these new expense reports, do we really have to go back to last quarter?
2092 2 3 Office Olympics 336 Oscar Yeah. It's a terrible system, I know.
2093 2 3 Office Olympics 336 Jim What does 2005 season mean?
2094 2 3 Office Olympics 336 Oscar Eh.
2095 2 3 Office Olympics 336 Jim Wait a minute, what is this?
2096 2 3 Office Olympics 336 Oscar It's a scoreboard.
2097 2 3 Office Olympics 336 Jim What?
2098 2 3 Office Olympics 336 Oscar Kevin and I play this paper football game when Michael's out.
2099 2 3 Office Olympics 336 Jim Really?
2100 2 3 Office Olympics 336 Oscar Yeah.
2101 2 3 Office Olympics 336 Kevin Or when we're bored.
2102 2 3 Office Olympics 336 Jim Oh my God! Wait, this goes back two years.
2103 2 3 Office Olympics 336 Kevin We're bored a lot.
2104 2 3 Office Olympics 337 Jim OH!
2105 2 3 Office Olympics 337 Kevin Oh!
2106 2 3 Office Olympics 337 Oscar Sweet!
2107 2 3 Office Olympics 337 Jim Yes! So close. I really love the paper triangle flicking and hitting things game. Yeah.
2108 2 3 Office Olympics 337 Kevin We call it Hate Ball.
2109 2 3 Office Olympics 337 Jim Why?
2110 2 3 Office Olympics 337 Kevin Because of how much Angela hates it.
2111 2 3 Office Olympics 337 Jim Hey, do you guys have any other games?
2112 2 3 Office Olympics 337 Kevin Sometimes we play "Who can put the most M&M's in their mouth?"
2113 2 3 Office Olympics 337 Oscar You should ask Toby to teach you Dunderball.
2114 2 3 Office Olympics 338 Michael Home, sweet home.
2115 2 3 Office Olympics 338 Dwight Which one's yours?
2116 2 3 Office Olympics 338 Michael Right there. My sanctuary. My party pad. Someday I can just see my grandkids learning how to walk out here. Hang a swing from this tree. Push them back... wait... no, it's this one, right here. Home, sweet home.
2117 2 3 Office Olympics 339 Jim So that's what this sound is all day.
2118 2 3 Office Olympics 340 Carol Michael, this is Bill. He's the head of the condo association.
2119 2 3 Office Olympics 340 Michael Oh, how are you? Nice to meet you, Bill. Bill. Mr. Bill. OHHH NOOO. MR. BILL. OHHH! SNL? When they pull him apart? He'd always get rolled over by something.
2120 2 3 Office Olympics 340 Bill Nice to meet you.
2121 2 3 Office Olympics 340 Michael Nice to meet you too.
2122 2 3 Office Olympics 340 Dwight This is smaller than your old place.
2123 2 3 Office Olympics 340 Michael Yeah, small. I'm buying it and I'm not renting it. So, it's still an upgrade. He doesn't know anything about property ownership. Kind of an idiot. Um.
2124 2 3 Office Olympics 341 Dwight Actually, I do own property. My grandfather left me a 60 acre working beet farm. I run it with my cousin, Mose. We sell beets to local stores and restaurants. It's a nice little farm. Sometimes teenagers use it for s*x.
2125 2 3 Office Olympics 342 Carol Are we ready to sign some papers?
2126 2 3 Office Olympics 342 Dwight Actually, no. We have a couple of questions, about the neighborhood.
2127 2 3 Office Olympics 342 Bill It's very safe. It's very clean. Also, it's very accepting of all lifestyles.
2128 2 3 Office Olympics 342 Carol It's a very gay-friendly neighborhood.
2129 2 3 Office Olympics 342 Michael Oh. Good. That's good. It's good to be accommodating of that.
2130 2 3 Office Olympics 342 Dwight Let's go check out the master bedroom.
2131 2 3 Office Olympics 343 Jim Stanley. Just played Dunder Ball with Toby. What about you, you got any games?
2132 2 3 Office Olympics 343 Stanley Yeah, I got a game. It's called "work hard so my kids can go to college."
2133 2 3 Office Olympics 343 Jim Fair enough.
2134 2 3 Office Olympics 344 Michael This, my friends, is the master bedroom. Check out the cathedral ceilings. Those are like seventeen feet high. We have cable readiness. Right there. I am going to totally pimp this place out. I am going to put a surround sound system. I am going to put a plasma screen right against this wall.
2135 2 3 Office Olympics 344 Dwight Oh. Terrible idea.
2136 2 3 Office Olympics 344 Michael I'm putting my bed right over here.
2137 2 3 Office Olympics 344 Dwight No, no, no, no, no. This is a shared wall. Neighbor throws his wife into the wall, plasma screen hits the floor. Totally smashed.
2138 2 3 Office Olympics 344 Michael Well, then I will get a warrantee.
2139 2 3 Office Olympics 344 Dwight Warrantees don't cover it, plus they're a rip-off.
2140 2 3 Office Olympics 344 Michael Well then I won't get a warrantee.
2141 2 3 Office Olympics 344 Dwight Shh Shh.
2142 2 3 Office Olympics 344 Michael So that's the problem, is solved. What?
2143 2 3 Office Olympics 344 Dwight Listen. Can you hear that? Oh man. These babies are thin.
2144 2 3 Office Olympics 345 Jim This scented candle ...andle ...andle. Which I found in the men's bathroom ...room ...room. Represents the eternal burning of competition. Or something.
2145 2 3 Office Olympics 345 Kevin It smells like cookies.
2146 2 3 Office Olympics 345 Jim Yes it does. Yes it does my friend. Ok, we will be competing for gold, silver and bronze yogurt lids.
2147 2 3 Office Olympics 345 Pam Now the bronze are really blue, and they're also the back side of the gold, so no flipping. K? Honor system.
2148 2 3 Office Olympics 346 Angela I do play games. I sing and I dangle things in front of my cats. I play lots of games. Just not at work.
2149 2 3 Office Olympics 347 Jim Let the games begin.
2150 2 3 Office Olympics 348 Carol And then, I just need you to sign here at this arrow.
2151 2 3 Office Olympics 348 Dwight What kind of mortgage did you get?
2152 2 3 Office Olympics 348 Michael Uh... Ten year.
2153 2 3 Office Olympics 348 Carol Well, ten over thirty, so thirty year total.
2154 2 3 Office Olympics 348 Michael What? Wha? You said ten.
2155 2 3 Office Olympics 348 Carol Ten year fixed, over thirty. Thirty year total.
2156 2 3 Office Olympics 348 Dwight Ho, thirty years.
2157 2 3 Office Olympics 348 Michael Ok, ok, ok.
2158 2 3 Office Olympics 348 Dwight Wow, you'll be paying this off in your mid-seventies.
2159 2 3 Office Olympics 348 Michael Alright.
2160 2 3 Office Olympics 348 Dwight Forget about retiring when you're 65. Hey, I've got an idea. You know that extra bedroom? If the whole girlfriend thing never happens, that's where the nurse can live.
2161 2 3 Office Olympics 348 Michael Ok. Alright. Oh boy.
2162 2 3 Office Olympics 348 Dwight Well, this is it.
2163 2 3 Office Olympics 348 Carol Whenever you're ready.
2164 2 3 Office Olympics 348 Michael Um. Oh. Oh, ok. Is that suppose to come off?
2165 2 3 Office Olympics 348 Carol Actually yes.
2166 2 3 Office Olympics 348 Dwight Hey, look! Cool. Carpenter ants.
2167 2 3 Office Olympics 348 Michael Um. I'm going to take a little breather for a second. Excuse me.
2168 2 3 Office Olympics 348 Dwight We'll be here waiting for you.
2169 2 3 Office Olympics 348 Michael Oh, man.
2170 2 3 Office Olympics 349 Dwight A thirty year mortgage at Michael's age essentially means that he's buying a coffin. If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn't hear the other dead people.
2171 2 3 Office Olympics 350 Carol Whenever you're ready, Michael.
2172 2 3 Office Olympics 350 Michael Uh.
2173 2 3 Office Olympics 351 Jim You have what is the national sport of Icelandic paper companies. And I'm blanking on the name, can you help me out Pam?
2174 2 3 Office Olympics 351 Pam Jim, they refer to it as Flonkerton.
2175 2 3 Office Olympics 351 Jim Hum.
2176 2 3 Office Olympics 351 Pam In English, box of paper snowshoe racing.
2177 2 3 Office Olympics 351 Jim Fair enough, but I like Flonkerton.
2178 2 3 Office Olympics 352 Pam The thing about Jim, is when he's excited about something, like the Office Olympics, he gets really into it and he does a really great job. But the problem with Jim is that he works here, so that hardly ever happens.
2179 2 3 Office Olympics 353 Jim So, who will be challenging Kevin in Flonkerton? Anyone?
2180 2 3 Office Olympics 353 Phyllis I'll do it.
2181 2 3 Office Olympics 353 Jim Yes! Phyllis! Phyllis, just put your foot right through here . Right through the flonk.
2182 2 3 Office Olympics 354 Michael The ceilings are lower than they were last week. That, I don't... I don't...
2183 2 3 Office Olympics 354 Carol What?
2184 2 3 Office Olympics 354 Michael ...know if you showed me this same unit or not.
2185 2 3 Office Olympics 354 Carol Michael, this is the unit you saw and...
2186 2 3 Office Olympics 354 Michael Where are all the hot people? I was told that there would be all these attractive singles.
2187 2 3 Office Olympics 354 Carol Who told you that?
2188 2 3 Office Olympics 354 Michael As far as I can tell, I'm the best-looking person here.
2189 2 3 Office Olympics 355 Michael There's a basic principle in real estate, that you should never be the best-looking person in the development. It's just sorta common sense, because if you are, then you've no place to go but down.
2190 2 3 Office Olympics 356 Carol Is this a financial thing? If it's a financial thing, what some people do is they rent out the third bedroom.
2191 2 3 Office Olympics 356 Michael No, no, no.
2192 2 3 Office Olympics 356 Carol That's some extra income for you.
2193 2 3 Office Olympics 356 Michael I am not going to rent the third bedroom. I want a price reduction or I am a-walkin.
2194 2 3 Office Olympics 356 Carol You will lose $7,000 if you walk away right now.
2195 2 3 Office Olympics 356 Michael Ehhhh....
2196 2 3 Office Olympics 357 Michael I made the right decision. I'm glad I signed. I'm a homeowner. Right? Good to be a homeowner. Diversifying. This is good. This is fun. We're having fun.
2197 2 3 Office Olympics 357 Dwight Totally having fun. Can you imagine those poor saps stuck at the office today?
2198 2 3 Office Olympics 358 Jim Here we go. Here we go.
2199 2 3 Office Olympics 358 Pam Go! Go! Go!
2200 2 3 Office Olympics 358 Oscar Pair of shoes!
2201 2 3 Office Olympics 358 Jim Dig deep, dig deep! OHHHhhh! It's Phyllis!
2202 2 3 Office Olympics 358 Pam It's Phyllis!
2203 2 3 Office Olympics 358 Jim Phyllis by a nose. Gold medal in Flernenton.
2204 2 3 Office Olympics 358 Pam Flonkerton.
2205 2 3 Office Olympics 358 Jim Thank you, delegate from Iceland.
2206 2 3 Office Olympics 358 Meredith Wow!
2207 2 3 Office Olympics 359 Jim Wow! Ok. No one else should even try! Gold medals! Give him medals. Wow.
2208 2 3 Office Olympics 360 Michael There's something else Dwight wanted to talk to you about. I have a surprise for you, for helping me out today.
2209 2 3 Office Olympics 360 Dwight You didn't have to...
2210 2 3 Office Olympics 360 Michael No, no. I insist. I insist. Because you've really done some great work. Great work. And that is why, I am going to let you move into my third bedroom and pay me rent.
2211 2 3 Office Olympics 361 Michael Why did I do it? Because I believe in rewarding people for their efforts. Ah. I rewarded Dwight with the room, and he is rewarding me back, ah, with $500 plus utilities.
2212 2 3 Office Olympics 362 Dwight I don't even know what to say.
2213 2 3 Office Olympics 362 Michael I'm thinking, lock into a four year commitment, we'll go month to month after that. Or, until I start dating, have a girlfriend, then you're, you know, you're gone.
2214 2 3 Office Olympics 362 Dwight Question. Where can I put my terrarium?
2215 2 3 Office Olympics 362 Michael What the hell is a terrarium?
2216 2 3 Office Olympics 362 Dwight It's a fish tank for snakes and lizards.
2217 2 3 Office Olympics 362 Michael Oh, so an aquarium. Ah, that will not come into this place.
2218 2 3 Office Olympics 362 Dwight Question. My grandparents left me a large number of armoires.
2219 2 3 Office Olympics 363 Pam Are you sure you don't want to play?
2220 2 3 Office Olympics 363 Angela I'm sure.
2221 2 3 Office Olympics 363 Pam Come on Angela, don't you have a game?
2222 2 3 Office Olympics 363 Angela I have one, yes.
2223 2 3 Office Olympics 363 Pam Well, let's play, what is it?
2224 2 3 Office Olympics 363 Angela I call it Pam Pong. I count how many times Jim gets up from his desk and goes to reception to talk to you.
2225 2 3 Office Olympics 363 Pam We're friends.
2226 2 3 Office Olympics 363 Angela Apparently.
2227 2 3 Office Olympics 363 Jim Very nicely done. I think that's H-O-R for Stanley, and H-O for Phyllis.
2228 2 3 Office Olympics 363 Phyllis Are you calling me a ho?
2229 2 3 Office Olympics 363 Jim Oh my god. Phyllis, coming alive. I like it.
2230 2 3 Office Olympics 364 Dwight Question. What about carpooling, who pays for the gas?
2231 2 3 Office Olympics 364 Michael We take separate cars.
2232 2 3 Office Olympics 364 Dwight Question. Can sometimes I drive your car and you drive mine?
2233 2 3 Office Olympics 364 Michael Why would we do that?
2234 2 3 Office Olympics 364 Dwight Just for fun?
2235 2 3 Office Olympics 364 Michael No.
2236 2 3 Office Olympics 364 Dwight Question. Who is the primary on the fire insurance?
2237 2 3 Office Olympics 364 Michael EHHHHNT. Game over. Offer revoked. Dwight. I'm sorry, but you reach out and you try to be a nice guy, and help out a friend, and this is what happens. This is what I get. Oh god. I'm ... Ok.
2238 2 3 Office Olympics 365 Dwight Thank god. It was nice of him to offer, but I live in a nine bedroom farm house. I have my own crossbow range. It's a perfect situation for me. Although two bathrooms would have been nice, we just have the one. And it's under the porch.
2239 2 3 Office Olympics 366 Oscar Ah...
2240 2 3 Office Olympics 366 Everyone OH!
2241 2 3 Office Olympics 366 Jim Who had someone from Vance Refrigeration?
2242 2 3 Office Olympics 366 Ryan I did.
2243 2 3 Office Olympics 366 Jim Ryan Howard. Ryan! Gold medal.
2244 2 3 Office Olympics 367 Pam I made something for our closing ceremonies.
2245 2 3 Office Olympics 367 Jim What? Oh my god. Where did you have time to make that?
2246 2 3 Office Olympics 367 Pam Automatic voicemail.
2247 2 3 Office Olympics 367 Jim Alright Pam, alright . Nice work!
2248 2 3 Office Olympics 367 Stanley A little bit more and I would have had it.
2249 2 3 Office Olympics 368 Dwight You know you can always refinance your mortgage. We had a 15 year on our beet farm. We paid it off early.
2250 2 3 Office Olympics 368 Michael Yeah, well, you know what? Nobody cares about your stupid beet farm. Beets are the worst.
2251 2 3 Office Olympics 368 Dwight People love beets.
2252 2 3 Office Olympics 368 Michael Nobody likes beets.
2253 2 3 Office Olympics 368 Dwight Everybody loves beets.
2254 2 3 Office Olympics 368 Michael Nobody likes beets, Dwight. Why don't you grow something that everybody does like? You should grow candy. I'd love a piece of candy right now. Not a beet.
2255 2 3 Office Olympics 368 Dwight Let's get this roof going.
2256 2 3 Office Olympics 368 Michael Stop it!
2257 2 3 Office Olympics 368 Dwight Ow.
2258 2 3 Office Olympics 369 Jim Final lap. Final lap. Time to beat is 1:15.
2259 2 3 Office Olympics 369 Stanley Oscar!
2260 2 3 Office Olympics 369 Crowd Go! Go! Go!
2261 2 3 Office Olympics 369 Jim Time to beat is one minute, 15 seconds. Here they come. Guys?
2262 2 3 Office Olympics 369 Dwight What is going on?
2263 2 3 Office Olympics 369 Jim Nothing. Guys? Timer's still going? Er?
2264 2 3 Office Olympics 369 Dwight That's my stopwatch.
2265 2 3 Office Olympics 370 Jim Here you go. All done.
2266 2 3 Office Olympics 370 Oscar Great.
2267 2 3 Office Olympics 371 Jim Yeah, I filled out the expense reports. That took about five minutes and then I closed two sales at lunch time. So, about as productive as any other day. If not more so.
2268 2 3 Office Olympics 372 Ryan I figured I could throw it away now, or I could keep it for a couple of months and then throw it away. I mean, it was really nice of Pam to make them, but what am I going to do with a gold medal made of paper clips and an old yogurt lid?
2269 2 3 Office Olympics 373 Jim Hey.
2270 2 3 Office Olympics 373 Pam I have 59 voicemails.
2271 2 3 Office Olympics 373 Jim Mmm. Hey, can you ignore those and do something for me instead?
2272 2 3 Office Olympics 373 Pam Sure.
2273 2 3 Office Olympics 373 Jim Okay, today. 5 o'clock. Closing Ceremonies.
2274 2 3 Office Olympics 373 Pam Really?
2275 2 3 Office Olympics 373 Jim Notify the athletes.
2276 2 3 Office Olympics 373 Pam Cool.
2277 2 3 Office Olympics 374 Jim Michael.
2278 2 3 Office Olympics 374 Michael Yeah. Jim. Slim Jim. What's going... What's going on?
2279 2 3 Office Olympics 374 Jim Nothing. I just wanted to congratulate you on your condo.
2280 2 3 Office Olympics 374 Michael Oh. Thanks. Thanks. It's very cool. It's a three bedroom, gay-friendly.
2281 2 3 Office Olympics 374 Jim Nice.
2282 2 3 Office Olympics 374 Michael You know.
2283 2 3 Office Olympics 374 Jim Hey, would you mind coming out here for a second? I just have something for you.
2284 2 3 Office Olympics 374 Michael Really?
2285 2 3 Office Olympics 375 Michael What's this?
2286 2 3 Office Olympics 375 Jim These are the Closing Ceremonies. Step up. You're on the top one. Congratulations to Michael, because he closed on his condo. So, gold medal.
2287 2 3 Office Olympics 375 Michael I don't really know what to say. Um, I'm not one for making speeches, but ah, my heart is very full at this moment.
2288 2 3 Office Olympics 375 Jim And for Dwight Schrute, the silver medal.
2289 2 3 Office Olympics 375 Michael Get up here, Dwight.
2290 2 3 Office Olympics 375 Dwight Silver medal.
2291 2 3 Office Olympics 375 Michael Yep, not as good as gold. Why are you playing the national anthem?
2292 2 3 Office Olympics 375 Jim Um... 'Cause your condo's in America.
2293 2 3 Office Olympics 375 Michael Oh. What the hell is that?
2294 2 3 Office Olympics 375 Jim Those are the doves.
2295 2 4 The Fire 376 Pam Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Sure, can I ask who's calling? Just a second.
2296 2 4 The Fire 376 Jim Jim Halpert. What? How did you get this number? Stalker.
2297 2 4 The Fire 377 Pam Katy and Jim met in the office. And now I guess they're like going out, or dating, or something. And, uh... I don't know! You know? They're just... She calls him, and they... You know, I'm sorry. I feel like I'm talking really loud. Am I talking really loud?
2298 2 4 The Fire 378 Jim So we're still on for lunch? You're meeting me here? Okay. Great. Bye.
2299 2 4 The Fire 378 Pam Hey! You can just give her your extension.
2300 2 4 The Fire 378 Jim Okay.
2301 2 4 The Fire 379 Michael Howard, slash Ryan, Ryan Howard is sitting in my office. And he has been a temp here for a couple of months and he's kind of gotten the lay of the land a little bit. Had a few laughs along the way. And now he wants to know what I think.
2302 2 4 The Fire 379 Ryan The temp agency wants to know what you think.
2303 2 4 The Fire 379 Michael Shall we? Let us proceed. First up, proficiency in necessary skills. Aaaaeeexcellent!
2304 2 4 The Fire 380 Dwight Michael's in there right now evaluating the temp. He hasn't evaluated me in years.
2305 2 4 The Fire 381 Michael Five years from now, what do you want to do? Where do you want to be?
2306 2 4 The Fire 381 Ryan Ah, well, I'm interested in business.
2307 2 4 The Fire 381 Michael Oh! Good. Ambitious. Excellent. Want to be a manager?
2308 2 4 The Fire 381 Ryan Uh, no, actually, uh, what I want is to own my own company.
2309 2 4 The Fire 381 Michael That is ridiculous.
2310 2 4 The Fire 382 Michael Ryan's about to attend the Michael Scott School of Business. I'm like Mr. Miyagi and Yoda rolled into one.
2311 2 4 The Fire 383 Michael Much advice you seek. Do you know who that is?
2312 2 4 The Fire 383 Ryan Fozzie bear?
2313 2 4 The Fire 383 Michael Mmm... No. That was Yoda.
2314 2 4 The Fire 384 Michael There are ten rules of business that you need to learn. Number one: You need to play to win. But... you also have to win to play.
2315 2 4 The Fire 384 Ryan Got it.
2316 2 4 The Fire 384 Michael And I will give you the rest of the ten at lunch.
2317 2 4 The Fire 385 Michael Hey!
2318 2 4 The Fire 386 Dwight Michael and I have a very special connection. He's like Batman, I'm like Robin. He's like the Lone Ranger, and I'm like Tonto. And it's not like there was the Lone Ranger, and Tonto, and Bonto.
2319 2 4 The Fire 387 Oscar But it says no late fee... .
2320 2 4 The Fire 387 Dwight People!
2321 2 4 The Fire 387 Angela Okay! Everybody!
2322 2 4 The Fire 387 Dwight This is not a test! Move to the exits!
2323 2 4 The Fire 387 Angela Do not panic!
2324 2 4 The Fire 387 Dwight Head towards the exits.
2325 2 4 The Fire 387 Angela Safety partners.
2326 2 4 The Fire 387 Dwight Get up off your desks!
2327 2 4 The Fire 387 Angela Do not panic.
2328 2 4 The Fire 387 Oscar No, I don't hear it? Alright.
2329 2 4 The Fire 387 Dwight No, panic is warranted!
2330 2 4 The Fire 387 Angela Go in single file lines.
2331 2 4 The Fire 387 Oscar No, no. Finish the...
2332 2 4 The Fire 387 Dwight This is not at drill!
2333 2 4 The Fire 387 Angela Arms at your sides! Arms at your sides!
2334 2 4 The Fire 387 Dwight Please, move quickly! This is a paper company, people! Step lively!
2335 2 4 The Fire 387 Angela Go, let's go.
2336 2 4 The Fire 387 Dwight This whole place is a tinder box, it is ready to blow!
2337 2 4 The Fire 388 Dwight This is not a test! Can you leave?!
2338 2 4 The Fire 388 Phyllis Oh, you say that every time.
2339 2 4 The Fire 388 Dwight DO YOU WANT TO DIE?
2340 2 4 The Fire 388 Phyllis Oh, boy...
2341 2 4 The Fire 388 Dwight Do you want to die? OUT!!
2342 2 4 The Fire 388 Angela Alright, let's go, let's go.
2343 2 4 The Fire 388 Dwight STANLEY! Have you ever seen a burn victim?
2344 2 4 The Fire 388 Angela Come on, you're safety partners!
2345 2 4 The Fire 388 Dwight Move to the exits!
2346 2 4 The Fire 388 Angela You're safety partners!
2347 2 4 The Fire 388 Dwight We've got smoke! We've got smoke! Smoke! Gah! Oh, Kelly! You're okay! I've got you!
2348 2 4 The Fire 388 Kelly I'm okay!
2349 2 4 The Fire 388 Dwight Cover your nose and mouth. Breathe through your nose.
2350 2 4 The Fire 388 Kelly Let go of me!
2351 2 4 The Fire 388 Dwight Breathe through your nose. Remove your stockings. Okay? They'll melt right into your flesh! Stay below the smoke line. Let's go! Clear out, stat! STAT MEANS NOW!
2352 2 4 The Fire 389 Michael Yes, I was the first one out. And, yes, I've heard women and children first. But, we do not employ children. We are not a sweat shop. Thankfully. And, uh, women are equal in the workplace by law. So, I let them out first, I have a lawsuit on my hands.
2353 2 4 The Fire 390 Michael Another rule of business is being able to adapt to different situations.
2354 2 4 The Fire 390 Ryan Yeah.
2355 2 4 The Fire 390 Michael Adapt. React. Re-adapt. Act. All right? That's rule number two.
2356 2 4 The Fire 391 Dwight Okay, guys, listen up, we need a head count. We need to count off. Michael's number one. Where is he? Where is he?
2357 2 4 The Fire 392 Michael So what was rule two?
2358 2 4 The Fire 392 Ryan Ah... adapt, react, re-adapt, act.
2359 2 4 The Fire 392 Michael Okay, well, let's... . let's kind of take it a little slower.
2360 2 4 The Fire 392 Dwight Hey, Michael. Um... Ryan needs his number for the count off.
2361 2 4 The Fire 392 Michael Okay, uh, well, one is taken.
2362 2 4 The Fire 392 Ryan Uh, okay, two?
2363 2 4 The Fire 392 Dwight NO!
2364 2 4 The Fire 392 Ryan Okay... uh, sorry?
2365 2 4 The Fire 393 Dwight Okay, he can have 14. Marjory's not here today.
2366 2 4 The Fire 393 Michael Well, he needs a permanent number, right?
2367 2 4 The Fire 393 Ryan No.
2368 2 4 The Fire 394 Ryan ...I don't.
2369 2 4 The Fire 394 Dwight Oh, you know what else? I thought of a nickname for the three of us. Three Musketeers.
2370 2 4 The Fire 394 Michael Um, yeah. Okay. That... No, no, no. I got one. I got one. The Three Stooges.
2371 2 4 The Fire 394 Dwight That's funny, too. But if we're the Three Musketeers...
2372 2 4 The Fire 395 Ryan I don't want to be like "a guy" here. You know? Like, Stanley is the "crossword puzzle guy". And Angela has cats. I don't want to have a thing... here. You know, I don't want to be the "something guy".
2373 2 4 The Fire 396 Jim Okay, you know what? I am going to be, uh, setting the agenda here. Okay? Can everybody gather up, please? Important announcement. Very important announcement. I think this is a perfect opportunity for all of us to participate in some really intense, psychologically revealing conversations. So we're going to be playing Desert Island, umm, Who Would You Do?
2374 2 4 The Fire 396 Stanley Ooh.
2375 2 4 The Fire 396 Jim And, um...
2376 2 4 The Fire 396 Pam ...Would You Rather?
2377 2 4 The Fire 396 Jim Would You Rather. Would You Rather is our third game.
2378 2 4 The Fire 397 Dwight Hey guys, great response time. Listen up, I got some theories. Okay, there's a...
2379 2 4 The Fire 398 Jim Okay, so... three books on a desert island? Angela.
2380 2 4 The Fire 398 Angela The Bible.
2381 2 4 The Fire 398 Stanley That's one book. You've got two others.
2382 2 4 The Fire 398 Angela A Purpose Driven Life.
2383 2 4 The Fire 398 Jim Nice. Third book?
2384 2 4 The Fire 398 Angela No.
2385 2 4 The Fire 398 Jim Okay. Phyllis.
2386 2 4 The Fire 398 Phyllis Um, The DaVinci Code.
2387 2 4 The Fire 398 Angela The DaVinci Code!
2388 2 4 The Fire 398 Jim Nice.
2389 2 4 The Fire 398 Angela I would take The DaVinci Code... so I could burn The DaVinci Code.
2390 2 4 The Fire 398 Dwight Okay. Great, that's going to keep you warm for like 7 seconds. Question: is there fire wood on the island?
2391 2 4 The Fire 398 Jim I guess.
2392 2 4 The Fire 398 Dwight Then I would bring an axe, no books.
2393 2 4 The Fire 398 Jim Uh, it has to be a book, Dwight.
2394 2 4 The Fire 398 Dwight Fine. Physician's Desk Reference.
2395 2 4 The Fire 398 Jim Nice. Smart.
2396 2 4 The Fire 398 Dwight ...hollowed out, inside: waterproof matches, iodine tablets, beet seeds, protein bars, NASA blanket, and, in case I get bored, Harry Potter and Sorcerer's Stone. No, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Question: did my shoes come off in the plane crash?
2397 2 4 The Fire 399 Michael Rule number four. In business, image is everything - Andre Agassi. This car is an investment. Right? If I have to take out a client or I'm seen around Scranton in it. I love it. I love this car. Do you like it?
2398 2 4 The Fire 399 Ryan Yeah.
2399 2 4 The Fire 400 Jim Okay. Thought people read more books.
2400 2 4 The Fire 401 Jim DVDs! Five movies. What would you bring to the island? Yes! Meredith?
2401 2 4 The Fire 401 Meredith Legends of the Fall, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Legally Blond, Bridges of Madison County...
2402 2 4 The Fire 402 Jim Wow.
2403 2 4 The Fire 402 Pam Legends of the Fall?
2404 2 4 The Fire 402 Jim Wow. Bridges of Madison County, Legally Blond, these movies are just... .
2405 2 4 The Fire 402 Pam Well, I kind of liked Legal...
2406 2 4 The Fire 402 Jim Wait, wait, wait. Pam. No. Do you understand? The... the game is Desert Island Movies, not guilty pleasure movies. Desert Island Movies are the movies you're going to watch for the rest of your life! Forever! Unforgivable.
2407 2 4 The Fire 402 Pam I take it back.
2408 2 4 The Fire 402 Jim Unforgivable.
2409 2 4 The Fire 402 Pam I take it back!
2410 2 4 The Fire 402 Jim Good.
2411 2 4 The Fire 403 Meredith ...and Ghost. But, ah, just that one scene...
2412 2 4 The Fire 404 Dwight Is this your car, Ryan?
2413 2 4 The Fire 404 Michael Wow, some pretty big books back there, huh?
2414 2 4 The Fire 404 Ryan Don't...
2415 2 4 The Fire 404 Dwight Good shocks.
2416 2 4 The Fire 404 Michael Hello, Mr. Egghead! Woop! So... oh, Stanley Kaplan! I know him. 'M' is for Murder, 'P' is for...
2417 2 4 The Fire 404 Ryan That's actually a test prep book.
2418 2 4 The Fire 404 Michael ...for Phone. What?
2419 2 4 The Fire 404 Ryan That's a test prep for business school.
2420 2 4 The Fire 404 Michael Um, oh, thinking about business school?
2421 2 4 The Fire 404 Ryan I just got in. I applied, I go at night.
2422 2 4 The Fire 404 Michael Really?
2423 2 4 The Fire 404 Ryan Yeah.
2424 2 4 The Fire 404 Michael So you think you know a lot about business?
2425 2 4 The Fire 404 Ryan No, not yet.
2426 2 4 The Fire 404 Michael Uh huh.
2427 2 4 The Fire 404 Ryan Just started.
2428 2 4 The Fire 404 Michael Yeah. Quiz me.
2429 2 4 The Fire 404 Ryan I... wouldn't even know where to start.
2430 2 4 The Fire 404 Michael Come on, egghead. Let's do it.
2431 2 4 The Fire 404 Dwight Do it.
2432 2 4 The Fire 404 Michael Quiz me up.
2433 2 4 The Fire 404 Ryan All right, um... Why have people been rethinking the Microsoft model in the past few years?
2434 2 4 The Fire 404 Michael Uh...
2435 2 4 The Fire 405 Michael When I was Ryan's age, I worked in a fast food restaurant, to save up money for school. And then I spe... lost it in a pyramid scheme. But I learned more about business, right then and there, than business school would ever teach me, or Ryan would ever teach me.
2436 2 4 The Fire 406 Ryan Is it cheaper to sign a new customer? Or to keep an existing customer?
2437 2 4 The Fire 406 Dwight Keep an existing...
2438 2 4 The Fire 406 Michael Shut, it. Can I... can I just do it please? Uh, it's equal.
2439 2 4 The Fire 406 Ryan It is ten times more expensive to sign a new customer.
2440 2 4 The Fire 406 Michael Okay. Yes! It was a trick question.
2441 2 4 The Fire 406 Dwight Yeah, but look, I mean, he didn't need business school. Okay, Michael comes from the school of hard knocks.
2442 2 4 The Fire 406 Michael Okay, Dwight.
2443 2 4 The Fire 406 Dwight Self taught. You didn't even go to college.
2444 2 4 The Fire 406 Michael You know what, Dwight? You don't need to help me here. Okay? Well, you know... Maybe you should go to business school like Ryan, then... then you'd know what you're talking about.
2445 2 4 The Fire 406 Dwight Come on. I'm studying with the master, huh?
2446 2 4 The Fire 406 Michael For instance, why don't you go to business...
2447 2 4 The Fire 406 Dwight You should learn from him, right?
2448 2 4 The Fire 406 Ryan I am.
2449 2 4 The Fire 406 Dwight Right?
2450 2 4 The Fire 406 Ryan I am.
2451 2 4 The Fire 406 Michael Stop. Dwight. You know what? You're acting like a dork. Would you cool it? Please. Okay. Hey! He's not your five year old brother, Dwight. He's a valued member of this company... and you know what? He knows more about business than you ever will.
2452 2 4 The Fire 406 Dwight Stupid!
2453 2 4 The Fire 407 Michael I did not go to business school. You know who else didn't go to business school? LeBron James, Tracy McGrady, Kobe Bryant. They went right from high school to the NBA. So... so it's not the same thing. At all.
2454 2 4 The Fire 408 Michael Look at this stuff. Market fragments. What is that supposed to be?
2455 2 4 The Fire 408 Ryan It's a way of looking at consumers as subsets of a larger client base.
2456 2 4 The Fire 408 Michael You are so smart. You are so eff-in' smart. You should be teaching me.
2457 2 4 The Fire 409 Jim Pam? Get us back into it.
2458 2 4 The Fire 409 Pam Okay.
2459 2 4 The Fire 409 Jim Five movies. Go ahead.
2460 2 4 The Fire 409 Pam Um, Fargo, um, Edward Scissorhands, Dazed and Confused...
2461 2 4 The Fire 409 Jim Ooh, definitely in my top five.
2462 2 4 The Fire 409 Pam Yes. In my top three, so suck it.
2463 2 4 The Fire 409 Jim What?
2464 2 4 The Fire 409 Pam Breakfast Club. Um... The Princess Bride and...
2465 2 4 The Fire 409 Jim Okay that's five.
2466 2 4 The Fire 409 Pam No, my all time favorite!
2467 2 4 The Fire 409 Jim Pam, play by the rules.
2468 2 4 The Fire 409 Pam All time favorite.
2469 2 4 The Fire 409 Jim Play by the rules. Dwight. All time favorite movie.
2470 2 4 The Fire 409 Dwight The Crow.
2471 2 4 The Fire 410 Michael I became a salesman... because of people, I love making friends. But then I was promoted to manager, at a very young age. I still try to be a friend first, but... You know? I'm very successful... your coworkers look at you differently. Huu, what do you think?
2472 2 4 The Fire 410 Ryan Maybe we should get some air.
2473 2 4 The Fire 410 Michael Nah, I'm okay.
2474 2 4 The Fire 410 Ryan I'm really uncomfortable.
2475 2 4 The Fire 411 Jim All right. Let's move on. Let's move on to the main event. Who Would You Do?
2476 2 4 The Fire 411 Kevin Present company excluded?
2477 2 4 The Fire 411 Jim Um, not neccessari...
2478 2 4 The Fire 411 Kevin Pam.
2479 2 4 The Fire 411 Oscar Pam.
2480 2 4 The Fire 411 Jim Um... okay. Ah, you know what? Maybe I'll... I'll finish explaining the rules. Let's... let me explain it first, and then...
2481 2 4 The Fire 411 Song Think you've had too much / in this life.
2482 2 4 The Fire 411 Jim Yeah, so we'll get right... You know what? I'll be right back. Stanley, you're taking over for me, buddy. I'll be right back.
2483 2 4 The Fire 411 Stanley Okay, um...
2484 2 4 The Fire 412 Jim Dwight. Dwight.
2485 2 4 The Fire 412 Song Everybody hurts,
2486 2 4 The Fire 412 Jim Come on Dwight! Use words.
2487 2 4 The Fire 412 Song Sometim... .
2488 2 4 The Fire 412 Dwight Why didn't I go to business school?
2489 2 4 The Fire 412 Jim Who goes to business school?
2490 2 4 The Fire 412 Dwight The temp.
2491 2 4 The Fire 412 Jim He does?
2492 2 4 The Fire 412 Dwight Yeah, it's all him and Michael talk about anymore.
2493 2 4 The Fire 412 Pam You know, I bet Ryan thinks to himself 'I wish I were a volunteer sheriff on the weekends'.
2494 2 4 The Fire 412 Dwight He doesn't even know that I do that.
2495 2 4 The Fire 412 Pam You should tell him.
2496 2 4 The Fire 412 Dwight Oh yeah, Pam. Right. That's going to help things, just talk it out. I hope the war goes on forever and Ryan gets drafted.
2497 2 4 The Fire 412 Pam Dwight.
2498 2 4 The Fire 412 Jim What?
2499 2 4 The Fire 412 Dwight I'm sorry I said that, I didn't... just part of me meant it. Besides, he'd end up being a hero anyway.
2500 2 4 The Fire 412 Jim You know what you should do? You should quit. And then, that would stick it to both of them.
2501 2 4 The Fire 412 Dwight Oh Jim, I'm not going to quit. Then Ryan wins.
2502 2 4 The Fire 412 Jim Yeah. You're right.
2503 2 4 The Fire 412 Dwight Thanks you guys. I just need some alone time.
2504 2 4 The Fire 412 Pam Kay.
2505 2 4 The Fire 412 Song Everybody hurts
2506 2 4 The Fire 412 Jim Alright buddy.
2507 2 4 The Fire 412 Song Everybody cries
2508 2 4 The Fire 412 Roy Hey! Guys, what's going on?
2509 2 4 The Fire 412 Jim Nothing.
2510 2 4 The Fire 412 Pam Hey!
2511 2 4 The Fire 412 Song Everybody hurts
2512 2 4 The Fire 412 Roy What's up? Can I hang out with you guys for a bit?
2513 2 4 The Fire 412 Song Sometimes
2514 2 4 The Fire 412 Roy The warehouse guys are a bunch of jackasses sometimes.
2515 2 4 The Fire 413 Stanley Come on people, you know the rules of the game now.
2516 2 4 The Fire 413 Michael Oh, hey. Game, what game are we playing here?
2517 2 4 The Fire 413 Stanley Okay. It's called Who Would You Do?
2518 2 4 The Fire 413 Michael Oh, I play this at home all the time while I'm falling asleep. What, uh... . Where are we? Where are we here? Mmm.. Roy? Roy? Who would you do, Roy?
2519 2 4 The Fire 413 Roy Uh... Oh, I got it! Uh, what's the name of that, uh, tight ass, uh, Christian, uh, chick. The, uh, the blond?
2520 2 4 The Fire 413 Angela My name is Angela.
2521 2 4 The Fire 413 Roy Hey, Angela! Roy. Nice to meet you.
2522 2 4 The Fire 413 Michael Aaaall right. Who's next, who's next, who's next, who's? Jim? You're next. Who would you do?
2523 2 4 The Fire 413 Jim Um... Kevin, hands down. Yeah. He's really got that teddy bear thing going on, and afterwards, we could just watch bowling.
2524 2 4 The Fire 413 Michael Well, I would definitely have s*x with Ryan. 'Cause he is going to own his own business.
2525 2 4 The Fire 413 Roy You're all gay.
2526 2 4 The Fire 413 Michael Who's, uh... Who's next? Who we got? Whooo...
2527 2 4 The Fire 413 Ryan Hey, no, I can talk, I can talk, I can talk... this is great timing.
2528 2 4 The Fire 413 Michael Wish I had my cell phone, but I left it inside. So...
2529 2 4 The Fire 413 Dwight Would that make you happy?
2530 2 4 The Fire 413 Michael What's that?
2531 2 4 The Fire 413 Dwight If you had your cell phone, it would make you happy?
2532 2 4 The Fire 413 Michael Yeah.
2533 2 4 The Fire 413 Dwight I'm on it.
2534 2 4 The Fire 413 Michael Dwight. Hey!
2535 2 4 The Fire 413 Angela You can't go in yet!
2536 2 4 The Fire 413 Michael Dwight, don't! He is an idiot. The man is an idiot, ladies and gentlemen.
2537 2 4 The Fire 413 Kevin What if he dies in the fire? And that's the last thing you ever said to him.
2538 2 4 The Fire 413 Michael I didn't say it to him. I said it about him.
2539 2 4 The Fire 414 Meredith ...Jim.
2540 2 4 The Fire 414 Phyllis Definitely Jim.
2541 2 4 The Fire 414 Kelly Definitely, definitely, Jim.
2542 2 4 The Fire 414 Phyllis Come on, Pam.
2543 2 4 The Fire 414 Kelly How about you Pam?
2544 2 4 The Fire 414 Pam Um... Oscar's kind of cute.
2545 2 4 The Fire 414 Phyllis Yeah, I like Oscar.
2546 2 4 The Fire 414 Pam Ooh, Toby!
2547 2 4 The Fire 414 Michael How long does it take to find a cell phone? I don't know either.
2548 2 4 The Fire 414 Meredith Is there anybody else.
2549 2 4 The Fire 415 Jim Hey, where are you? Oh good. Yeah. We're just here, we're playing Desert Island. It's when you pick your five favorite DVDs...
2550 2 4 The Fire 415 Michael Seriously, where the hell is Dwight? Hey, call my cell phone. It'll make it easier for him to find.
2551 2 4 The Fire 415 Ryan What's your number?
2552 2 4 The Fire 415 Michael I gave it to you in the car.
2553 2 4 The Fire 415 Ryan Um...
2554 2 4 The Fire 415 Michael I saw you program it in.
2555 2 4 The Fire 415 Ryan You got to... you got to give it to me again.
2556 2 4 The Fire 415 Michael Okay. Alright.
2557 2 4 The Fire 415 Ryan Now I have it.
2558 2 4 The Fire 415 Michael Uh, I better tell somebody. Excuse me, sir...
2559 2 4 The Fire 415 Michael Dwight!? Great goin'. God, Man! Why did you go in there? What... Everybody was scared out of their wits, man? Oooh.
2560 2 4 The Fire 415 Dwight Everyone, okay? Uh, I have an announcement. Apparently, in business school, they don't teach you how to operate a toaster oven. Because some smart, sexy temp left his cheese pita on oven instead of timing it for the toaster thing.
2561 2 4 The Fire 415 Michael Wow. Okay. Well, I guess they don't teach how to operate a toaster oven in business school.
2562 2 4 The Fire 415 Dwight That's exactly what I said.
2563 2 4 The Fire 415 Michael Hey, did you miss that day there, Ryan?
2564 2 4 The Fire 415 Dwight Were you absent?
2565 2 4 The Fire 415 Michael Toaster Oven 101?
2566 2 4 The Fire 415 Dwight You failed?
2567 2 4 The Fire 415 Ryan I am so sorry.
2568 2 4 The Fire 416 Michael Hey! I know what'll impress everybody, I'll start a fire. Oh, man. Bad idea. Bad idea jeans.
2569 2 4 The Fire 417 Dwight I have a song. Attention, everyone! That I want to sing. That I wrote especially for this occasion when I was up there among the flames. Ready? Ryan started the fire! It was always burning since the world's been turning!
2570 2 4 The Fire 417 Dwight, Michael Ryan started the fire! It was always burning---
2571 2 4 The Fire 417 Dwight Everybody!
2572 2 4 The Fire 417 Michael ...since the world was turning.
2573 2 4 The Fire 418 Ryan I can't believe I started the fire.
2574 2 4 The Fire 419 Dwight ... Marilyn Monroe!
2575 2 4 The Fire 419 Dwight, Michael Ryan started the fire! It was always burning...
2576 2 4 The Fire 419 Dwight Eat it! You gotta eat it. You have to eat it!
2577 2 4 The Fire 420 Katy Hi!
2578 2 4 The Fire 420 Jim Hey.
2579 2 4 The Fire 420 Katy How are you?
2580 2 4 The Fire 420 Jim Good, how are you?
2581 2 4 The Fire 420 Katy I'm good. It's good to see you.
2582 2 4 The Fire 420 Jim Good to see you, too.
2583 2 4 The Fire 420 Katy I'm hungry.
2584 2 4 The Fire 420 Jim Yeah, I am too.
2585 2 4 The Fire 420 Katy Oh, I have been thinking the whole way over and I have my answers.
2586 2 4 The Fire 420 Jim What answers?
2587 2 4 The Fire 420 Katy Um, for the... the desert island.
2588 2 4 The Fire 420 Jim Oh! Right! Right, right, right, come-ah on, on, on. Ladies and gentlemen! Gather around! We have one more participant. Come on, be polite. Be polite. Desert Island. Five movies. Go.
2589 2 4 The Fire 420 Katy Okay, um, first, Legally Blond.
2590 2 4 The Fire 421 Pam I forgot what a super, nice girl Katy is. And just... good for Jim! They are so cute together. And, um, what an adorable car.
2591 2 4 The Fire 422 Jim Okay, I think the game's over... People are like leaving. There was a bigger crowd last time. Do you just want to go to lunch?
2592 2 4 The Fire 422 Katy Okay.
2593 2 4 The Fire 422 Jim Yeah?
2594 2 4 The Fire 422 Katy Alright! You want to drive?
2595 2 4 The Fire 422 Jim Sure.
2596 2 4 The Fire 422 Katy Alright.
2597 2 4 The Fire 423 Katy They are soo cute.
2598 2 4 The Fire 424 Ryan I'm really sorry, Dwight.
2599 2 4 The Fire 424 Dwight Answer me this, though.
2600 2 4 The Fire 424 Ryan What?
2601 2 4 The Fire 424 Dwight Was it worth it? Was it worth it temp?
2602 2 4 The Fire 424 Ryan No.
2603 2 4 The Fire 424 Kevin Was it worth it?
2604 2 4 The Fire 424 Dwight Really?
2605 2 4 The Fire 424 Ryan I'm really sorry, Dwight.
2606 2 4 The Fire 424 Dwight The fire guy! The fire guy!
2607 2 4 The Fire 425 Dwight Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television, North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe, Ryan started the fire!
2608 2 4 The Fire 426 Michael Okay. Rule five - safety first, i.e. don't burn the building down. Okay? That should be a no brainer.
2609 2 4 The Fire 427 Michael Oh... look! Ryan is book smart. And I am street smart. And book smart.
2610 2 4 The Fire 428 Michael I'll give you the rest of the ten tomorrow.
2611 2 5 Halloween 429 Michael Happy Halloween, everyone! Oh... that's great!
2612 2 5 Halloween 429 Pam Hey... Happy Halloween. Jan called.
2613 2 5 Halloween 429 Michael Ohh... OK.
2614 2 5 Halloween 430 Michael I know why she's calling. It's the end of the month, and I was supposed to let somebody go by the end of the month. And somehow I'm supposed to put on a costume and smile. Okay.
2615 2 5 Halloween 430 Sherri Jan Levinson's office.
2616 2 5 Halloween 430 Michael Hey, Sherri. Michael Scott returning.
2617 2 5 Halloween 430 Sherri Oh, she's in a meeting. Uh, she just wanted the name of the employee you let go.
2618 2 5 Halloween 430 Michael Well, I'm gonna wait till the end of the day. Because the book said it's best to wait till the end of the day.
2619 2 5 Halloween 430 Sherri I just need the name of who you're planning to let go.
2620 2 5 Halloween 430 Michael I don't know... yet. I will have to call her back.
2621 2 5 Halloween 430 Sherri I know she wanted the name.
2622 2 5 Halloween 430 Michael Okay... Sherri?
2623 2 5 Halloween 430 Sherri Yeah?
2624 2 5 Halloween 430 Michael If you were getting fired, how would you wanna be told so you could still be friends with the person firing you?
2625 2 5 Halloween 430 Sherri Jan wants the name as soon as possible, Michael.
2626 2 5 Halloween 430 Michael Thanks.
2627 2 5 Halloween 430 Sherri Mm-Hmm.
2628 2 5 Halloween 430 Michael I'll call her back. Wish I could fire Sherri.
2629 2 5 Halloween 430 Sherri Hey, I'm still here.
2630 2 5 Halloween 430 Michael Okay! I'm sorry.
2631 2 5 Halloween 430 Sherri Yeah.
2632 2 5 Halloween 430 Michael No?
2633 2 5 Halloween 430 Sherri OK.
2634 2 5 Halloween 430 Michael Bye.
2635 2 5 Halloween 430 Sherri Hanging up now.
2636 2 5 Halloween 431 Michael I mean you hear about layoffs in the news, but when you actually have to do it yourself, it is heavy stuff. It's... these are people's lives you're talking about.
2637 2 5 Halloween 431 Pam You wanted me?
2638 2 5 Halloween 431 Michael Yes.
2639 2 5 Halloween 431 Pam Papier-mache?
2640 2 5 Halloween 431 Michael Yes.
2641 2 5 Halloween 431 Pam Hmm.
2642 2 5 Halloween 431 Michael Yeeesh.
2643 2 5 Halloween 431 Pam Mm-hmm.
2644 2 5 Halloween 431 Michael Um, Pam, I have to let somebody go today. This is, uh, the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
2645 2 5 Halloween 431 Pam Why did you put it off until Halloween?
2646 2 5 Halloween 431 Michael Because it's very scary stuff.
2647 2 5 Halloween 431 Pam I think it's gonna put a damper on the party a little.
2648 2 5 Halloween 431 Michael You're worried about the party? There's a man's life at stake here.
2649 2 5 Halloween 431 Pam So it's a man?
2650 2 5 Halloween 431 Michael No. Or a woman. A human life. If you had to guess, who it would be based on their job performance... and who you think deserved to be fired - who would that be?
2651 2 5 Halloween 431 Pam I just answer the phone.
2652 2 5 Halloween 431 Michael And... sometimes you just let it go to voicemail.
2653 2 5 Halloween 431 Pam You're costume is fantastic!
2654 2 5 Halloween 431 Michael I know. I sent away for it in July from a catalog.
2655 2 5 Halloween 431 Pam Oh no, don't, don't, don't, don't. Aah! Okay...
2656 2 5 Halloween 431 Michael Oh, man. Okay, I have to fire somebody.
2657 2 5 Halloween 432 Dwight What is that?! What are you supposed to be?
2658 2 5 Halloween 432 Jim I'm a three hole punch version of Jim. 'Cause you can have me either way. Plain White Jim, or Three-hole Punch.
2659 2 5 Halloween 432 Phyllis That's great!
2660 2 5 Halloween 432 Jim Oh, yeah.
2661 2 5 Halloween 432 Dwight Yeah, well look... What about me?
2662 2 5 Halloween 432 Phyllis What are you? A monk?
2663 2 5 Halloween 432 Dwight I am a Sith Lord. Oh big deal. Three round pieces of paper taped to a shirt. This cost me 129 dollars.
2664 2 5 Halloween 432 Phyllis Ass.
2665 2 5 Halloween 433 Michael Hey.
2666 2 5 Halloween 433 Oscar Michael.
2667 2 5 Halloween 433 Michael You guys excited about the party?
2668 2 5 Halloween 433 Angela Yeah.
2669 2 5 Halloween 433 Michael It's gonna be fun.
2670 2 5 Halloween 433 Kevin Yeah.
2671 2 5 Halloween 433 Angela Yes.
2672 2 5 Halloween 433 Michael Oh, boy... look at you! Haha. Showing your colors. Bet you wish you wore a dress every day.
2673 2 5 Halloween 433 Oscar What are you implying?
2674 2 5 Halloween 433 Michael All good. Happy Halloween. What happened to all those spooky decorations that we had? The cobwebs and such?
2675 2 5 Halloween 433 Angela You know, I don't know. We put them all up last night.
2676 2 5 Halloween 433 Michael Well, you know what? Go buy some more. I'll approve the overages. Sound good?
2677 2 5 Halloween 433 Angela Yeah.
2678 2 5 Halloween 433 Michael Good. Oh, yeah, also about budget stuff. Um, I'm going to need you to find, like a, a full employee salary, plus benefits, like fifty grand. I'm going to need you to find 50 grand in the numbers.
2679 2 5 Halloween 433 Angela But we don't keep two sets of books.
2680 2 5 Halloween 433 Michael Well, that's not what I'm saying. Just, you know, find it. Pretend that your jobs depend on it.
2681 2 5 Halloween 434 Michael Mmm-hm-hmm. Interesting take on Dorothy. I love it. Hey, you know what would even be better? Soccer ball and cleats.
2682 2 5 Halloween 434 Kelly Why is that?
2683 2 5 Halloween 434 Michael "Bend It Like Beckham."
2684 2 5 Halloween 434 Kelly Oh, like ... the movie about the Indian girl who plays soccer?
2685 2 5 Halloween 434 Michael Yeah. That would be perfect.
2686 2 5 Halloween 434 Kelly Yeah, I mean, I guess I could do that. I don't really play soccer or anything.
2687 2 5 Halloween 434 Michael Well, I don't really have two heads. So...
2688 2 5 Halloween 435 Dwight Wait, what are you again? Oh, right... Three-hole PUNCH!
2689 2 5 Halloween 436 Pam Okay, greatest strength.
2690 2 5 Halloween 436 Jim Okay, okay...
2691 2 5 Halloween 436 Pam A dog-like obedience to authority
2692 2 5 Halloween 436 Jim Nice.
2693 2 5 Halloween 436 Pam But that doesn't sound good.
2694 2 5 Halloween 436 Jim Okay, okay. Um, how 'bout, the ultimate team player?
2695 2 5 Halloween 437 Jim Dwight is... special. But, I don't believe that his talents are being used in this office. So Pam and I have put his resume on Monster.com, Google, Craig's List. We're really interested most in jobs that take Dwight out of state. Um, preferably Alaska... or India.
2696 2 5 Halloween 438 Pam He's a gun nut.
2697 2 5 Halloween 438 Jim Um. He sticks to his guns.
2698 2 5 Halloween 439 Angela Well, I looked through all the budgets. And there is one department...
2699 2 5 Halloween 439 Oscar Yes?
2700 2 5 Halloween 439 Angela ... that has three people...
2701 2 5 Halloween 439 Oscar Yeah?
2702 2 5 Halloween 439 Angela ... doing the work that could be done by two.
2703 2 5 Halloween 439 Oscar This is great. Oh.
2704 2 5 Halloween 439 Kevin Yeah. Oh.
2705 2 5 Halloween 440 Michael Who do you think it should be?
2706 2 5 Halloween 440 Dwight Jim. Definitely.
2707 2 5 Halloween 440 Michael No, Jim brings in money.
2708 2 5 Halloween 440 Dwight Phyllis.
2709 2 5 Halloween 440 Michael Eh.
2710 2 5 Halloween 440 Dwight Stanley. Pam. Oscar. Meredith. Kevin. Angela.
2711 2 5 Halloween 441 Michael It's not a popularity contest. Although it does make sense to fire the least popular because it has the least effect on morale.
2712 2 5 Halloween 442 Dwight One of the warehouse guys.
2713 2 5 Halloween 442 Michael What? There was someone left off that list? Who?
2714 2 5 Halloween 442 Dwight Who is he saying?
2715 2 5 Halloween 442 Michael You're right, I didn't even think of him.
2716 2 5 Halloween 442 Dwight No, Michael.
2717 2 5 Halloween 442 Michael Yeah, that's actually a really good idea.
2718 2 5 Halloween 442 Dwight No, not me.
2719 2 5 Halloween 442 Michael Yeah... I could.
2720 2 5 Halloween 442 Dwight Not Dwight.
2721 2 5 Halloween 442 Michael I'm not saying that's what he said.
2722 2 5 Halloween 442 Dwight I know that's what he said.
2723 2 5 Halloween 442 Michael What?
2724 2 5 Halloween 442 Dwight Tell him, not Dwight.
2725 2 5 Halloween 442 Michael That is not a very nice thing to say about him.
2726 2 5 Halloween 442 Dwight Tell him to stop.
2727 2 5 Halloween 442 Michael Are you kidding?
2728 2 5 Halloween 442 Dwight Quiet, you.
2729 2 5 Halloween 442 Michael I agree. He'd land on his feet.
2730 2 5 Halloween 442 Dwight Make him be quiet.
2731 2 5 Halloween 443 Angela Those aren't chips and dip.
2732 2 5 Halloween 443 Pam No, I made brownies.
2733 2 5 Halloween 443 Angela Uh!
2734 2 5 Halloween 443 Pam ... What?
2735 2 5 Halloween 443 Angela I'm just trying to figure out why you're sabotaging things.
2736 2 5 Halloween 443 Pam I made brownies.
2737 2 5 Halloween 443 Angela And I made cookies. Same category.
2738 2 5 Halloween 444 Pam I'm guessing Angela's the one in the neighborhood who gives the trick-or-treaters some toothbrushes. Pennies. Walnuts.
2739 2 5 Halloween 445 Pam Dunder-Mifflin. This is Pam. Uh, yeah. Just one second. I will, uh, transfer you to our manager, Michael Scott.
2740 2 5 Halloween 446 Jim Um... Whoa. Michael Scott here. Yes, I am regional manager of this orifice. Mmm hmm. Dwight Schrute is amazing. Yeah. No, he is actually the single greatest employee of his generation. Mm hmm. You know what? I'm gonna tell you what. You hire Dwight K. Schrute, and if he does not meet, nay, exceed every one of your wildest expectations, well then, you can hold me, Michael Gary Scott, personally and financially responsible. Okay. Okay. Okay-kay-kay-kay-kay. Okay.
2741 2 5 Halloween 447 Dwight Stanley, could you come with me, please.
2742 2 5 Halloween 447 Stanley No.
2743 2 5 Halloween 447 Dwight As Assistant Regional Manager...
2744 2 5 Halloween 447 Stanley To the.
2745 2 5 Halloween 447 Dwight Look! I've got some bad news. You're fired. You need to pack up your things and go. I'm serious, Stanley. It's over. I'm sorry.
2746 2 5 Halloween 447 Stanley You're fired. Get your fingers off my phone.
2747 2 5 Halloween 448 Michael So. How did it go with Stanley? How... how'd he take it?
2748 2 5 Halloween 448 Dwight He wouldn't listen to me
2749 2 5 Halloween 448 Michael Ahh, come on.
2750 2 5 Halloween 448 Dwight If you want to fire him, you're going to have to tell him yourself.
2751 2 5 Halloween 448 Michael I don't wanna fire Stanley. I never said that. I'm certainly not going to do it myself. Get those big, baleful, eyes staring at me. Yikes. Just, okay, just...
2752 2 5 Halloween 449 Dwight Cumberland Mills?! And how did you get my resume? Oh no, no. I'm very flattered. Don't get me wrong. I'm just not sure that it's my official resume or if it's something that maybe a satisfied customer posted online. What does it say under martial arts training? Oh. Okay, I'm gonna have to supplement that. Could I have your fax number?
2753 2 5 Halloween 450 Dwight Would I ever leave this company? Look, I'm all about loyalty. In fact, I feel like part of what I'm getting paid for here is my loyalty. But, if there were somewhere else that valued that loyalty more highly, I'm going wherever they value loyalty the most.
2754 2 5 Halloween 451 Oscar Oh... hey.
2755 2 5 Halloween 451 Ryan Oh, your dress is stuck in the back. Kind of just...
2756 2 5 Halloween 451 Oscar Oh.
2757 2 5 Halloween 452 Dwight So you got the fax? So why didn't you add it to the res... ? What do you mean? Of course martial arts training is relevant. Oh, excuse me! I know about a billion Asians that would beg to differ. Uh, yeah, I get a little frustrated when I'm dealing with incompetence. Well, you know what? You can go to hell, too. And I will see you there... burning. Fine! Okay... oh wait! So you'll let me know when you've made a decis...
2758 2 5 Halloween 453 Pam Jim is really talented. And he should be the one who's getting a better job offer. Like, for real.
2759 2 5 Halloween 454 Pam Don't take this the wrong way, but... you should go for that job.
2760 2 5 Halloween 454 Jim Um... it's in Maryland.
2761 2 5 Halloween 454 Pam Yeah, but I mean, look at the salary. And it's definitely a step up. And a challenge.
2762 2 5 Halloween 454 Jim Yeah. Yeah. You know what? Maybe... maybe I will.
2763 2 5 Halloween 454 Pam Jim...
2764 2 5 Halloween 455 Dwight This is called leveraging an offer. Michael, can I talk to you for a moment?
2765 2 5 Halloween 455 Michael Oh, God.
2766 2 5 Halloween 455 Dwight I just thought you should know that I was just offered a job with better pay, better benefits and a better title at Cumberland Mills.
2767 2 5 Halloween 455 Michael Fantastic!
2768 2 5 Halloween 455 Dwight And I turned it down.
2769 2 5 Halloween 455 Michael What?! That would've solved all my problems.
2770 2 5 Halloween 455 Dwight Out of loyalty to this company...
2771 2 5 Halloween 455 Michael Oh, you idiot.
2772 2 5 Halloween 455 Dwight ... so I was hoping to be made Assistant Regional Manager officially.
2773 2 5 Halloween 455 Michael If you left, I wouldn't have to fire anybody.
2774 2 5 Halloween 455 Dwight But then you wouldn't have me here.
2775 2 5 Halloween 455 Michael Big deal. Oh, it would've worked out so well. Can you get it back?
2776 2 5 Halloween 455 Dwight It's in Maryland.
2777 2 5 Halloween 455 Michael You can call. Can you call 'em?
2778 2 5 Halloween 455 Dwight I can't. I... I suppose I coul... no. They never really made me an offer anyway.
2779 2 5 Halloween 455 Michael Wohahah! Why are you torturing me?! God.
2780 2 5 Halloween 456 Jim Honestly, I don't think Michael has the slightest clue of who he's gonna fire. I think he keeps hoping that someone's going to volunteer. Uh, or be run over by a bus before the deadline. But in the end, really, what's going to happen is it's gonna be the first person to give him a dirty look in the hall. And therein lies the true essence of his charisma.
2781 2 5 Halloween 456 Michael Can I speak to you a minute?
2782 2 5 Halloween 456 Jim Um... yes.
2783 2 5 Halloween 457 Jim Michael, I really didn't mean to...
2784 2 5 Halloween 457 Michael Help. Me.
2785 2 5 Halloween 457 Jim I'm sorry?
2786 2 5 Halloween 457 Michael I want you to role play firing me. I want you to fire me, and I will take it.
2787 2 5 Halloween 457 Jim Oh, you want me to be you?
2788 2 5 Halloween 457 Michael Yes.
2789 2 5 Halloween 457 Jim Okay.
2790 2 5 Halloween 457 Michael I want you to be me, and I will be Creed.
2791 2 5 Halloween 457 Jim Oh, are you firing Creed?
2792 2 5 Halloween 457 Michael No, no, no. That's just the first thing... came... in head.
2793 2 5 Halloween 457 Jim We should switch seats in order to...
2794 2 5 Halloween 457 Michael Yes, that's a good idea.
2795 2 5 Halloween 457 Jim Alright. Excuse me. I'm really sorry, but I have to let you go. And it's purely budgetary. It's not personal...
2796 2 5 Halloween 457 Michael Aaaahh! I'm gonna kill myself!
2797 2 5 Halloween 457 Jim Wow.
2798 2 5 Halloween 457 Michael I'm going to kill myself, and it's your fault!
2799 2 5 Halloween 457 Jim That's an overreaction.
2800 2 5 Halloween 457 Michael Corporate is really breathing down my neck. And they're saying this has to be done by the end of the month.
2801 2 5 Halloween 457 Jim Is this you? Are you being you, or is this Creed? Are you...
2802 2 5 Halloween 457 Michael I... this is Creed.
2803 2 5 Halloween 457 Jim Okay.
2804 2 5 Halloween 457 Michael I'm improvising, so just try to keep up.
2805 2 5 Halloween 457 Jim Oh, hold that thought. Hold that thought.
2806 2 5 Halloween 457 Michael And I'm very angry, and I want...
2807 2 5 Halloween 457 Jim Michael Scott here.
2808 2 5 Halloween 457 Michael I'm gonna kill you. I'm going to kill you for firing me.
2809 2 5 Halloween 457 Jim Toby? Mm hmm. I really have to take this Creed, so it was really worth...
2810 2 5 Halloween 457 Michael Get off, get off. No, no. OK.. just get off. Just, just... yeah.
2811 2 5 Halloween 458 Pam What happened?
2812 2 5 Halloween 458 Jim It wasn't me.
2813 2 5 Halloween 458 Pam Oh. That was like crazy. 'Cause I was...
2814 2 5 Halloween 458 Jim Yeah, I know.
2815 2 5 Halloween 459 Michael Uh, hey... Creed?
2816 2 5 Halloween 459 Creed Huh?
2817 2 5 Halloween 459 Michael Could I talk to you for a second?
2818 2 5 Halloween 460 Michael You are great. Very ambitious. And I feel like you want more than this little office has to offer. And I understand that you'd wanna just spread your wings, and fly the coop.
2819 2 5 Halloween 460 Creed What are you telling me?
2820 2 5 Halloween 460 Michael I... we're gonna have to... You... you want something better.
2821 2 5 Halloween 460 Creed No, I don't. I wanna stay right here.
2822 2 5 Halloween 460 Michael No, you wanna leave.
2823 2 5 Halloween 460 Creed No, I wanna stay here.
2824 2 5 Halloween 460 Michael Why... why are you making this so hard?
2825 2 5 Halloween 460 Creed Um, I think there's a misunderstanding, Michael.
2826 2 5 Halloween 460 Michael I think you're right.
2827 2 5 Halloween 460 Creed Can I go?
2828 2 5 Halloween 460 Michael No, of course you can't go. We haven't even started this horrible process of... okay, Creed. I need to let somebody go today. They told me I need to let somebody go. And as much as I think you're a great guy, and I like you, you're... you're, goodbye.
2829 2 5 Halloween 460 Creed Let's fight it.
2830 2 5 Halloween 460 Michael Hmm?
2831 2 5 Halloween 460 Creed Let's call Jan and fight this thing together like the old days.
2832 2 5 Halloween 460 Michael What old days? What are you talking about?
2833 2 5 Halloween 460 Creed Did you start the paperwork yet?
2834 2 5 Halloween 460 Michael It's right here on the desk, yeah.
2835 2 5 Halloween 460 Creed You don't have to do this, Michael.
2836 2 5 Halloween 460 Michael I can't, I can't...
2837 2 5 Halloween 460 Creed Undo it!
2838 2 5 Halloween 460 Michael I can't change anything. This is the way...
2839 2 5 Halloween 460 Creed No, you have the power to undo it.
2840 2 5 Halloween 460 Michael I don't... okay, just listen.
2841 2 5 Halloween 460 Creed Michael, undo it!
2842 2 5 Halloween 460 Michael Don't...
2843 2 5 Halloween 461 Michael Yeah, I went hunting once. Shot the deer in the leg, had to kill it with a shovel. Took about an hour. Why do you ask?
2844 2 5 Halloween 462 Michael I have to fire someone today, okay?
2845 2 5 Halloween 462 Creed Fine. Fire someone else. Fire Devon. He's terrible. I am so much better at my job than Devon.
2846 2 5 Halloween 462 Michael Okay, well... I already picked you. And you know that. So, unless I just go through with this, you're always gonna look at me as the guy who almost fired you.
2847 2 5 Halloween 462 Creed No, no, no, no, no, no. I will forget so fast. You will be my savior. You're they guy who gave me my life back. Thank you. I knew you'd see it my way Michael. God Bless you. You're a fine man.
2848 2 5 Halloween 462 Michael Don't...
2849 2 5 Halloween 462 Creed Listen, you will not regret this either. Devon is terrible; No one's gonna miss him. Good, good, good.
2850 2 5 Halloween 463 Michael Devon, could I talk to you for a sec?
2851 2 5 Halloween 464 Devon Creed's an idiot, you know that.
2852 2 5 Halloween 464 Michael Well, he...
2853 2 5 Halloween 464 Devon No, no, no, no, no, no! You had it right the first time.
2854 2 5 Halloween 464 Michael Well, maybe I did.
2855 2 5 Halloween 464 Devon Exactly. You gotta go with your gut, man.
2856 2 5 Halloween 464 Michael Huh. No! I can't, no. I can't go back. I would look like an idiot.
2857 2 5 Halloween 464 Devon That's why I'm being fired?
2858 2 5 Halloween 464 Michael No.
2859 2 5 Halloween 464 Devon So you might not look like an idiot?
2860 2 5 Halloween 464 Michael No. It was all the stuff that I said. It was the business downturn, the cutbacks, and, and...
2861 2 5 Halloween 464 Devon This is unbelievable!
2862 2 5 Halloween 464 Michael I just hope that you and I can remain friends.
2863 2 5 Halloween 465 Michael Devon, wait, please.
2864 2 5 Halloween 465 Devon What!
2865 2 5 Halloween 465 Michael Look, look. In addition to severance, and everything, I want to give you this gift certificate to Chili's. From me. Okay? No hard feelings.
2866 2 5 Halloween 465 Devon Kevin, Jim, Pam, Kelly, Toby, Oscar, Meredith, Phyllis, Stanley, or the temp. If any of you wanna meet me for a drink, I'm going to be at Poor Richard's. And the rest of you can go to hell!
2867 2 5 Halloween 465 Angela What about the Halloween party?
2868 2 5 Halloween 466 Pam Oh, hey, Jim. Wait, stop. Um, I'm sorry... for pushing you towards Cumberland. Seriously, if you left here, I would blow my brains out.
2869 2 5 Halloween 466 Jim Come on.
2870 2 5 Halloween 467 Jim That's just a figure of speech, you know? Blow your brains out? Come on. All it really means is that we're friends. Who else is she gonna talk to if I'm gone, right? I mean, if she left, I wouldn't blow my brains out. Of course, I would take that job in Maryland. Because it's double the pay, and soft shell crab just happens to be my favorite food.
2871 2 5 Halloween 468 Michael I love Halloween. You know, it's just, it's just fun. Every year, it's just fun. Last Halloween I came as Janet Jackson's boob. It was topical. People got a... a big kick out of it. The year before that, I came as Monica Lewinsky, and I wore a stained dress. The year before that, I also came as Monica Lewinsky. And before that, I was O.J. It was pretty funny. Oh, I wish you were here last year.
2872 2 5 Halloween 469 Children Trick or treat!
2873 2 5 Halloween 469 Michael He... Hey, hey, hey, hey! How you doing? Wow! You guys looks great.
2874 2 5 Halloween 469 Kid I'm a bumble bee.
2875 2 5 Halloween 469 Michael You look great! And you're a princess?
2876 2 5 Halloween 469 Kid A fairy princess.
2877 2 5 Halloween 469 Michael A fairy princess. You're very... .
2878 2 5 Halloween 469 Kid I'm a lion.
2879 2 5 Halloween 469 Michael You're a lion. Wow, I want to hear your, your... Oh! Oh, okay, that's all yours. That's all yours. Grab it, grab it. You know what? You guys are getting all of these.
2880 2 6 The Fight 470 Dwight Where is my desk?
2881 2 6 The Fight 470 Jim That is weird.
2882 2 6 The Fight 470 Dwight This is not funny. This is totally unprofessional.
2883 2 6 The Fight 470 Jim Ok, well, you're the one who lost the desk.
2884 2 6 The Fight 470 Dwight I didn't lose my desk.
2885 2 6 The Fight 470 Jim Okay, calm down. Where was the last place you saw it?
2886 2 6 The Fight 470 Dwight Okay, who moved my desk?
2887 2 6 The Fight 470 Jim I think you should retrace your steps.
2888 2 6 The Fight 470 Dwight Ok, I am going to tell Michael and this entire office will be punished!
2889 2 6 The Fight 470 Jim Colder... warmer... little warmer... there you go, ooh, warmer... warmer... warmer... warmer... warmer ... cold, cold, cold, back up... ooh, ooh, warmer, hot, red hot, hot, very hot.
2890 2 6 The Fight 470 Dwight Dwight Schrute.
2891 2 6 The Fight 470 Jim Hi, Dwight, um, what sort of discounts are we giving on the 20 lb white model.
2892 2 6 The Fight 470 Dwight Jim, I've given you this information, like, twenty times.
2893 2 6 The Fight 470 Jim I know.
2894 2 6 The Fight 470 Dwight It's by the ream?
2895 2 6 The Fight 470 Jim Uh, yeah, ream.
2896 2 6 The Fight 470 Dwight ...now, $9.78, signs and discounts 7%.
2897 2 6 The Fight 470 Jim Ok, thank you, gotta get back to work.
2898 2 6 The Fight 470 Dwight Wash your hands, Kevin.
2899 2 6 The Fight 471 Jim Right, oh let me just check the pricing list. Hold on one second...
2900 2 6 The Fight 471 Dwight Sensei, hello it's Sempai...
2901 2 6 The Fight 471 Jim Umm...
2902 2 6 The Fight 471 Dwight Dwight...
2903 2 6 The Fight 471 Jim You know what, let me give you a call right back. I'm going to uh, find it and then I'll call you back, thanks.
2904 2 6 The Fight 471 Dwight Yes, I just had a ques-... Yes Sensei. Arigatou gozaimashita. Hai.
2905 2 6 The Fight 471 Jim Was that your mom?
2906 2 6 The Fight 471 Dwight No, that was my Sensei.
2907 2 6 The Fight 471 Jim Oh, I thought it was your mom.
2908 2 6 The Fight 471 Dwight I am now Sempai, which is Assistant Sensei.
2909 2 6 The Fight 471 Jim Assistant to the Sensei, that's pretty cool.
2910 2 6 The Fight 471 Dwight Assistant Sensei.
2911 2 6 The Fight 471 Jim Ok.
2912 2 6 The Fight 472 Dwight I am a practitioner of Goju Ru Karate, here in Scranton. My Sensei, Ira, recently promoted me to purple belt, and gave me the duties of a Sempai. Not that a lot of people here in America know what a Sempai is, but it is equally as respected as a Sensei.
2913 2 6 The Fight 473 Stanley I don't want to stay until seven again this year.
2914 2 6 The Fight 473 Pam I don't really have any control over that Stanley.
2915 2 6 The Fight 474 Pam Michael tends to procrastinate a bit whenever he has to do work. Umm, time cards, he has to sign these every Friday. Purchase orders have to be approved at the end of every month. And expense reports, all he has to do is initial these at the end of every quarter. But once a year, it all falls on the same Friday and that's today. I call it the Perfect Storm.
2916 2 6 The Fight 475 Michael I don't want to work, I just want to bang on this mug all day.
2917 2 6 The Fight 475 Ryan Did you ask me here for any specific reason?
2918 2 6 The Fight 475 Michael Uhh, yes, I did, here's the dizzle. I have a very top secret mission for you. I want you to update all the emergency contact information.
2919 2 6 The Fight 475 Ryan Why is that secret?
2920 2 6 The Fight 475 Michael Hello, oh God, busy work. Ahh, get away, cretin.
2921 2 6 The Fight 475 Pam Umm, I put stickers so you know where to sign.
2922 2 6 The Fight 475 Michael Yes, thank you. I know where to sign.
2923 2 6 The Fight 475 Pam It's just last year you...
2924 2 6 The Fight 475 Michael Last year they were out of order, weren't they Pam?
2925 2 6 The Fight 475 Pam Well, the last pick-up for overnight deliveries is at seven. So you need to have them signed by then. Or much earlier.
2926 2 6 The Fight 475 Michael Chillax, Pam. Stop Pam-M-S-ing. That's pretty good. Um, actually, I'm sending Ryan on a top secret mission. Tell her what it is.
2927 2 6 The Fight 475 Ryan Updating emergency contacts.
2928 2 6 The Fight 475 Pam Well, is that really a priority?
2929 2 6 The Fight 475 Michael Is it a priority? Oh I don't know, um, what if there is a tornado, Pam? People's legs are crushed under rubble. "Please, would you be so kind as to call my wife? No, I can't because we don't have any emergency contact information because Pam said it wasn't a priority." Think. Think with your head, Pam. Ok, well. She walks out. That's the problem with being a boss is that when you are tough they resent you and when you are cool they walk all over you.
2930 2 6 The Fight 475 Ryan Catch-22.
2931 2 6 The Fight 475 Michael Catch-22. Yes. Why don't you give me your contact information to start with, ok, what's your cell?
2932 2 6 The Fight 476 Jim Uh, Larissa Halpert.
2933 2 6 The Fight 476 Ryan What's her address?
2934 2 6 The Fight 476 Jim 117 Mount Bergin St.
2935 2 6 The Fight 476 Ryan Hello?
2936 2 6 The Fight 476 Michael Hey Ryan. This is Michael Jackson calling from Wonderland.
2937 2 6 The Fight 476 Ryan Do you mean Neverland?
2938 2 6 The Fight 476 Michael This is Tito.
2939 2 6 The Fight 476 Ryan What?
2940 2 6 The Fight 476 Michael Calling from...
2941 2 6 The Fight 477 Pam You're major and minor lines cross at a ridge - that sucks.
2942 2 6 The Fight 477 Jim You making this up as you go along, aren't you?
2943 2 6 The Fight 477 Pam I am just following the website.
2944 2 6 The Fight 477 Jim Well, at least I don't have cavities.
2945 2 6 The Fight 477 Pam Yes, you have very nice teeth.
2946 2 6 The Fight 477 Jim Thanks.
2947 2 6 The Fight 478 Ryan Who is your emergency contact?
2948 2 6 The Fight 478 Kevin Stacy.
2949 2 6 The Fight 478 Michael Pick up.
2950 2 6 The Fight 478 Ryan Hello?
2951 2 6 The Fight 478 Michael This is Mike Tyson.
2952 2 6 The Fight 479 Jim Hey, Dwight. As Sempai, do you think there is ever going to be a day where humans and robots can peacefully co-exist?
2953 2 6 The Fight 479 Dwight Impossible. The way they're programmed... You're mocking me.
2954 2 6 The Fight 479 Jim No I'm not.
2955 2 6 The Fight 479 Dwight Look, I'm going to offer you a little piece of advice. I'm not afraid to make an example out of you.
2956 2 6 The Fight 479 Jim Oh, that's not advice. What advice sounds like is this: umm, don't ever bring your purple belt to work because someone might steal it.
2957 2 6 The Fight 479 Dwight Ok, give that back to me.
2958 2 6 The Fight 479 Jim Ok, say please.
2959 2 6 The Fight 479 Dwight No. That is not a toy.
2960 2 6 The Fight 479 Jim Please?
2961 2 6 The Fight 479 Dwight Please?
2962 2 6 The Fight 479 Jim Good, and it absolutely is a toy. Arigatou.
2963 2 6 The Fight 479 Dwight Arigatou. This is not a toy. This is a message to the entire office so they can see that I am capable of physically dominating them.
2964 2 6 The Fight 480 Michael And this is more a ying-yang thing. The 'Michael' all cursive, the 'Scott' all caps. Left brain, right brain. Or, duality of man.
2965 2 6 The Fight 480 Pam Could you practice on the forms?
2966 2 6 The Fight 481 Dwight No women or children, unless provoked.
2967 2 6 The Fight 481 Jim Ok, Roy?
2968 2 6 The Fight 481 Dwight Warehouse guy. Doesn't count.
2969 2 6 The Fight 481 Jim Ok. Michael? Could you beat up Michael?
2970 2 6 The Fight 481 Michael Yeah, yeah, I don't think that would happen.
2971 2 6 The Fight 481 Dwight Because we're friends.
2972 2 6 The Fight 481 Michael Because I would kick his ass.
2973 2 6 The Fight 481 Jim Well, Dwight's a purple belt, so...
2974 2 6 The Fight 481 Michael So? I've beaten up black belts.
2975 2 6 The Fight 481 Jim Uh, how did you know they were black belts?
2976 2 6 The Fight 481 Michael They told me. After. You see, I used to run with a very tough crowd. Street Fighter types. Real, real bad people, I'm just lucky I got out.
2977 2 6 The Fight 482 Ryan Is your wife still your contact?
2978 2 6 The Fight 482 Toby Um, ex-wife. Yeah. Um, her last name is 'Becker' now.
2979 2 6 The Fight 482 Ryan 'Kay.
2980 2 6 The Fight 482 Toby You don't need to write 'ex'.
2981 2 6 The Fight 483 Michael And after that, nobody ever messed with the 'Damn Rascals' ever again.
2982 2 6 The Fight 483 Jim Sounds tough. When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way, right?
2983 2 6 The Fight 483 Michael You were a Jet?
2984 2 6 The Fight 483 Angela Have you signed the expense reports yet?
2985 2 6 The Fight 483 Michael Yes, in theory, I have. I just need to cross some t's and dot some i's. Alright, I'm going to be in my office if anybody needs me. Hoo-hah. Oh, wow, sleeper hold. That's my rebuttal. Shhh. Hoo. You are the weakest link.
2986 2 6 The Fight 483 Dwight Argggg!
2987 2 6 The Fight 484 Michael I'm friends with everybody in this office. We're all best friends - I love everybody here. But sometimes your best friends start coming into work late, and start having dentist appointments that aren't dentist appointments. And that's when it is nice to let them know that you can beat them up.
2988 2 6 The Fight 485 Michael Just hit me. You'll see.
2989 2 6 The Fight 485 Jim I can't. I just got a manicure.
2990 2 6 The Fight 485 Michael Oh, queer... eye. Queer eye. That's a good show. Important show. Go ahead. Do it.
2991 2 6 The Fight 485 Jim Just have Dwight punch you.
2992 2 6 The Fight 485 Michael Oh yeah, that would be kind of worthless because I know a ton of fourteen year old girls who can kick his ass.
2993 2 6 The Fight 485 Jim You know a ton of fourteen year old girls?
2994 2 6 The Fight 485 Dwight What belt are they?
2995 2 6 The Fight 485 Michael Look, Dwight is a wuss. When we rented 'Armageddon'...
2996 2 6 The Fight 485 Dwight No!
2997 2 6 The Fight 485 Michael ... he cried at the end of it. He did.
2998 2 6 The Fight 485 Dwight Michael, I told you, it was because it was New Year's Eve and it began to snow at exactly midnight.
2999 2 6 The Fight 485 Michael Oh, Bruce Willis. Are they going to leave him on the asteroid?
3000 2 6 The Fight 485 Dwight Ok, I'll punch you.
3001 2 6 The Fight 485 Michael Ok, here we go. Alright, come on.
3002 2 6 The Fight 485 Dwight Kiyah!
3003 2 6 The Fight 485 Michael Fuuuaaaahhhhh... oohhhhh!
3004 2 6 The Fight 486 Dwight Did I want to harm Michael? The one man I've been hired to protect? No, I did not.
3005 2 6 The Fight 487 Jim Are you ok? Are you sure you are alright?
3006 2 6 The Fight 487 Michael Yeah. Thank you.
3007 2 6 The Fight 488 Dwight I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War II veteran. Killed 20 men then spent the rest of the war in an Allied Prison Camp. My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life. Different kind of fight.
3008 2 6 The Fight 489 Jim Ok, he has to be stopped. Please, please, please, please, just ask Michael.
3009 2 6 The Fight 489 Pam I don't know.
3010 2 6 The Fight 489 Jim Ok, I'll buy you a bag of chips.
3011 2 6 The Fight 489 Pam French Onion?
3012 2 6 The Fight 489 Jim Obviously.
3013 2 6 The Fight 489 Pam Ok.
3014 2 6 The Fight 489 Jim Yes.
3015 2 6 The Fight 489 Dwight Take this pen and stab me with it.
3016 2 6 The Fight 489 Michael Go away.
3017 2 6 The Fight 489 Pam I just have a quick question.
3018 2 6 The Fight 489 Michael I haven't signed them, ok?
3019 2 6 The Fight 489 Pam No, it's not that. Um, I was just wondering, since I'm probably going to have to stay late, could you ask Dwight to stay late too so he can walk me to my car?
3020 2 6 The Fight 489 Michael Come in. Um, Pam, I hate to break this to you but Dwight can't stop you from being mugged. He's just not tough enough.
3021 2 6 The Fight 489 Pam He's a purple belt. That's really high.
3022 2 6 The Fight 489 Michael Oh, I could beat up Dwight. That's ridiculous. I could murder him.
3023 2 6 The Fight 489 Pam It's just out there, you...
3024 2 6 The Fight 489 Michael Oh, so that's what they are saying?
3025 2 6 The Fight 489 Pam Yeah.
3026 2 6 The Fight 489 Michael Ok, alright, where is Dwight?
3027 2 6 The Fight 489 Jim Uh, Kitchen.
3028 2 6 The Fight 489 Michael Ok.
3029 2 6 The Fight 489 Kelly Hi-yah!
3030 2 6 The Fight 489 Dwight Good.
3031 2 6 The Fight 489 Kelly Wow, that's actually pretty cool Dwight.
3032 2 6 The Fight 489 Dwight Now watch, let me take you from behind.
3033 2 6 The Fight 489 Kelly What?
3034 2 6 The Fight 489 Michael Watch out Kelly, he might sucker punch you.
3035 2 6 The Fight 489 Dwight I didn't sucker punch you, Michael.
3036 2 6 The Fight 489 Michael No, Really?
3037 2 6 The Fight 489 Dwight In case you remember, I was defending my honor... like a samurai.
3038 2 6 The Fight 489 Michael Really? Well, the offer, Dwight, was for one punch which I absorbed. I had no idea that there would be a second punch. So, catch-22.
3039 2 6 The Fight 489 Dwight Ok, fine. Tit for tit. Give it your best shot. Two punches. Go!
3040 2 6 The Fight 489 Michael Look, if we were in a bar right now, there would be two punches: me punching you and you hitting the floor.
3041 2 6 The Fight 489 Dwight No, I would block your first punch rendering it ineffective.
3042 2 6 The Fight 489 Michael Really?
3043 2 6 The Fight 489 Dwight Yeah.
3044 2 6 The Fight 489 Michael You know what? You're just lucky that we are at work right now.
3045 2 6 The Fight 489 Jim Ooh, what about, uh, Dwight's dojo?
3046 2 6 The Fight 489 Michael No, they must have class.
3047 2 6 The Fight 489 Dwight No, it's free during the day. It's fine.
3048 2 6 The Fight 489 Michael Look...
3049 2 6 The Fight 489 Dwight I've got the key.
3050 2 6 The Fight 489 Toby Michael...
3051 2 6 The Fight 489 Michael Hey, Toby.
3052 2 6 The Fight 489 Toby Any word on those time cards?
3053 2 6 The Fight 489 Michael I've got an idea: why don't you leave right now. Why don't you walk away from the room, 'kay? Fine. We'll go at lunch. Pam, make an announcement. Figure out carpools.
3054 2 6 The Fight 490 Jim Um, well, we are all getting excited to see this fight. The Albany branch is working right through lunch to prevent downsizing, but Michael, he decided to extend our lunch by an hour so we could all go down to the dojo and watch him fight Dwight. Fight... Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, I'm coming, fight...
3055 2 6 The Fight 491 Michael I recognize that. That is Japanese for California Roll.
3056 2 6 The Fight 491 Ira Uh, no, it's not.
3057 2 6 The Fight 491 Michael I think it is. A guy told me about that.
3058 2 6 The Fight 491 Ira Actually, it's a symbol for eternal discipline.
3059 2 6 The Fight 491 Michael Oh.
3060 2 6 The Fight 492 Jim Wow, that is really interesting.
3061 2 6 The Fight 492 Pam What?
3062 2 6 The Fight 492 Jim Your love line- I'm just kidding. I can't see anything.
3063 2 6 The Fight 492 Pam Well, look closer.
3064 2 6 The Fight 492 Jim Oh, ok.
3065 2 6 The Fight 492 Pam Once point for me.
3066 2 6 The Fight 492 Jim Tied up.
3067 2 6 The Fight 492 Pam Oh, you're dead.
3068 2 6 The Fight 492 Jim What, what are you going to do? Bring it, Beesley. Bring it. Oh yeah, good move. Not such an ultimate fighter now.
3069 2 6 The Fight 492 Pam Hey, put me down. Put me down. Oh my god, hey, put me down. Hey...
3070 2 6 The Fight 493 Ira Ok, gentlemen, listen up. After a clean strike to the chest, stomach, or kidneys, I will separate you and award a point. The first person to three wins. Alright?
3071 2 6 The Fight 493 Dwight Yes, Sensei!
3072 2 6 The Fight 493 Michael Alotta rules. Alotta rules. On the street we didn't have any rules. Maybe one - no kicks to the groin, home for dinner.
3073 2 6 The Fight 493 Ira Shi mate!
3074 2 6 The Fight 493 Dwight Hiii!
3075 2 6 The Fight 493 Michael Hey!
3076 2 6 The Fight 493 Ira Alright, break.
3077 2 6 The Fight 493 Michael What the hell was that?
3078 2 6 The Fight 493 Dwight Yes!
3079 2 6 The Fight 493 Ira Dwight - awarded a point.
3080 2 6 The Fight 493 Michael No.
3081 2 6 The Fight 493 Dwight Eat it!
3082 2 6 The Fight 493 Michael Alright, that's the way you want it.
3083 2 6 The Fight 493 Dwight Two more.
3084 2 6 The Fight 493 Michael Play dirty, huh? Ok, game on, man.
3085 2 6 The Fight 493 Kevin Sweep the leg.
3086 2 6 The Fight 493 Michael I'm comin' atcha man. Ok, purple belt, ok. I got him.
3087 2 6 The Fight 493 Dwight No.
3088 2 6 The Fight 493 Michael I got his pants.
3089 2 6 The Fight 493 Dwight It was my pants.
3090 2 6 The Fight 493 Ira No points for pants.
3091 2 6 The Fight 493 Michael Dwight, you have... No, you have something... God, you look like such an idiot!
3092 2 6 The Fight 493 Ira Clean single kick, gentlemen.
3093 2 6 The Fight 493 Michael Go on, I dare you to kick there again. Kick there again, I dare ya.
3094 2 6 The Fight 493 Ira Ok, break. Break.
3095 2 6 The Fight 493 Dwight No holding.
3096 2 6 The Fight 493 Michael You can't see. You can't see. Good boy. Good boy. Great boy. Two points, three points, four points. I win. I win. Eight points. Nine points.
3097 2 6 The Fight 493 Dwight No, stop it! Come on! Michael.
3098 2 6 The Fight 493 Michael Open your mouth.
3099 2 6 The Fight 493 Dwight No, Michael!
3100 2 6 The Fight 494 Michael You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? "Raging Bull." Pacino. Oh, I want that footage. I want it. I need it. Ah, I have to get back to work. I have lots of work... Oh, oh check this out. Come here. There he is. Mr. Temp. Having lunch by the car. Let us play with him. This'll be hilarious. Oh, we're playing phone tag.
3101 2 6 The Fight 495 Ryan's Voicemail Seven new messages. First New Message. "Hi, Ryan. This is Saddam Hussein." Next new message. "Hi, Ryan. This is your girlfriend... and I'm mad!"
3102 2 6 The Fight 496 Michael My emergency contact is Todd Packer. Todd F. Packer. Do you know what the F. stands for?
3103 2 6 The Fight 496 Ryan Fudge?
3104 2 6 The Fight 496 Michael Yeah... uh, come in. Oh, hey Karate Kid. The Hillary Swank version. Hi. How are ya?
3105 2 6 The Fight 496 Dwight I need to change my emergency contact information from Michael Scott.
3106 2 6 The Fight 496 Ryan Ok, to what?
3107 2 6 The Fight 496 Dwight Just put "The Hospital." Contact number: just put 9-1-1.
3108 2 6 The Fight 496 Michael He is such a sore loser. You heard, obviously, that I mopped the floor with him this afternoon. You know what, um, do yourself a favor and just keep me as his contact and I will call the hospital. Cut out the middle man.
3109 2 6 The Fight 497 Kevin Later Jim.
3110 2 6 The Fight 497 Jim Later, Kev. Have a good weekend.
3111 2 6 The Fight 497 Pam Yeah, you too.
3112 2 6 The Fight 498 Michael Yeah.
3113 2 6 The Fight 498 Ryan I have the emergency contacts.
3114 2 6 The Fight 498 Michael Yeah, just throw them on the chair. I'll take it from here. So, whatcha up to this weekend?
3115 2 6 The Fight 498 Ryan Uh, hanging out with some friends, probably.
3116 2 6 The Fight 498 Michael If you're doing anything crazy, give me a shout.
3117 2 6 The Fight 498 Ryan Yeah, alright, I'll um, see you Monday.
3118 2 6 The Fight 498 Michael Alright, bye.
3119 2 6 The Fight 499 Michael Dwight?
3120 2 6 The Fight 499 Angela Michael, did you finish yet?
3121 2 6 The Fight 499 Michael This close. Dwight, may I speak with you for a minute?
3122 2 6 The Fight 499 Dwight I'm busy.
3123 2 6 The Fight 499 Michael Well, busier. Making the time.
3124 2 6 The Fight 499 Stanley Michael, can't your conversation wait till Monday.
3125 2 6 The Fight 499 Toby We want to go home.
3126 2 6 The Fight 499 Michael Well, you don't even have anyone to go home to, Toby.
3127 2 6 The Fight 499 Pam The shipping place closes in a half hour.
3128 2 6 The Fight 499 Michael I know, but I've been carrying the load on my back all day, and if everybody would just chip in a little bit, it'd might help me out. What do you say? Let's g*ngb*ng this thing and go home. Good? Dwight.
3129 2 6 The Fight 500 Angela This is illegal.
3130 2 6 The Fight 500 Stanley I don't care.
3131 2 6 The Fight 501 Michael I have been testing you the entire day. Did you know that?
3132 2 6 The Fight 501 Dwight Of course.
3133 2 6 The Fight 501 Michael And I am happy to say that you have passed. So effective immediately I am promoting you from Assistant to the Regional Manager to Assistant Regional Manager.
3134 2 6 The Fight 501 Dwight Michael, I don't know...
3135 2 6 The Fight 501 Michael I know, I know, I know, I wouldn't be offering it if I didn't think you could handle it.
3136 2 6 The Fight 501 Dwight I can handle it. I can. Wow. So I guess this will just be my office.
3137 2 6 The Fight 501 Michael No, no, title change only.
3138 2 6 The Fight 501 Dwight I'll have Pam send out a memo.
3139 2 6 The Fight 501 Michael No, no. Three month probationary period. Let's not tell anybody about this right now.
3140 2 6 The Fight 501 Dwight Just a formality.
3141 2 6 The Fight 501 Michael Absolutely but not really.
3142 2 6 The Fight 501 Dwight Michael, I have so much to learn from you.
3143 2 6 The Fight 501 Michael Yes you do.
3144 2 6 The Fight 501 Dwight Thank you, Sensei.
3145 2 6 The Fight 501 Michael And, ditto.
3146 2 6 The Fight 502 Michael I told Dwight that there is honor in losing. Which, as we all know, is completely ridiculous, but there is, however, honor in making a loser feel better which is what I just did for Dwight. Would I rather be feared or loved? Um, easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me. And I think I proved that today at the dojo.
3147 2 7 The Client 503 Ryan Hey, have they left for the big meeting yet? I've got Michael's lucky tie.
3148 2 7 The Client 503 Jim No. They're in the conference room.
3149 2 7 The Client 503 Ryan Good.
3150 2 7 The Client 503 Pam Wait, are those Michael's Levis?
3151 2 7 The Client 503 Ryan Yeah, who dry-cleans jeans?
3152 2 7 The Client 504 Pam Michael and his jeans. He gets in them, and I'm not exactly sure what happens. But I can tell you, he loves the way he looks in those jeans. I know that's why he started casual Fridays.
3153 2 7 The Client 505 Pam I'll take those. Thanks.
3154 2 7 The Client 506 Jan This is a projection of the county's needs...
3155 2 7 The Client 506 Michael Wow, graphs and charts, somebody's really been doing their homework. Looks like USA Today.
3156 2 7 The Client 506 Jan Thirteen schools, uh, two hospitals...
3157 2 7 The Client 507 Jim So this possible client they're talking about, actually a big deal. It's Lackawanna County. Our whole county. And if we get this, they may not have to downsize our branch. And I could work here for years. And years. Years.
3158 2 7 The Client 508 Jan So when we get to the Radisson, I'd like to, um-
3159 2 7 The Client 508 Michael I changed it. To Chili's.
3160 2 7 The Client 508 Jan Excuse me?
3161 2 7 The Client 508 Michael Radisson just gives out this vibe, "Oh, I'm doing business at the Radisson". It's kind of snooty. So.
3162 2 7 The Client 508 Jan You had no right to do that, Michael.
3163 2 7 The Client 508 Michael Here's the thing. Chili's is the new golf course. It's where business happens. Small Businessman Magazine.
3164 2 7 The Client 508 Jan It said that.
3165 2 7 The Client 508 Michael It will. I sent it in. Letter to the editor.
3166 2 7 The Client 508 Jan Alright. But you will let me run this meeting.
3167 2 7 The Client 508 Michael Uh huh, uh huh. Power trip.
3168 2 7 The Client 508 Jan What?
3169 2 7 The Client 509 Oscar She had done a background check on me, she had it printed out.
3170 2 7 The Client 509 Jim No...
3171 2 7 The Client 509 Oscar Yeah. And she was asking me about stuff, line by line, while we were having dinner.
3172 2 7 The Client 509 Toby That is unbelievable.
3173 2 7 The Client 509 Pam What is going on?
3174 2 7 The Client 509 Jim We are doing worst first dates.
3175 2 7 The Client 509 Pam Oh my God, I win! Ok, it was a minor league hockey game. He brought his brother, and when I went to the bathroom, the game ended and they forgot about me.
3176 2 7 The Client 509 Oscar Ok, that's a joke.
3177 2 7 The Client 509 Pam No, they had to come back for me.
3178 2 7 The Client 509 Jim Wait, when was this?
3179 2 7 The Client 509 Pam Umm... it was not that long ago.
3180 2 7 The Client 509 Kelly Wait, not Roy. Say it's not your fiance.
3181 2 7 The Client 510 Jim I always knew Pam has refused to go to sports games with Roy, but I never knew why. Interesting.
3182 2 7 The Client 511 Michael Ok, let's do this thing. Wish us luck.
3183 2 7 The Client 511 Dwight Good luck, Michael. Good luck, Jan.
3184 2 7 The Client 511 Jan Thank you.
3185 2 7 The Client 511 Michael Kiss ass. Ok, probably going to go late tonight. Burning the midnight tequila. So, I think you could all just take off now.
3186 2 7 The Client 511 Jan Michael, shouldn't take more than an hour.
3187 2 7 The Client 511 Michael Well...
3188 2 7 The Client 511 Jan Do you always shut down the entire office when you leave for an hour?
3189 2 7 The Client 511 Michael No, no. That would not be efficient. Actually, they just don't get very much work done when I'm not here. That's not true. I know how to delegate, and they do more work done when I'm not here. Not more. The same amount of work is done, whether I am here or not. Hey, everybody, listen up. This is what we're gonna do. You sit tight, until I return. Sound good? Doesn't matter, it's an order. Follow it blindly, mwahahaha, ok? Alright, ciao. Adios!
3190 2 7 The Client 512 Jan So which way is Chili's?
3191 2 7 The Client 512 Michael Uh, I'll drive.
3192 2 7 The Client 512 Jan Oh, no, that's alright. I wanna leave straight from there.
3193 2 7 The Client 512 Michael It's just a couple blocks away, so... boy, you really don't know Scranton, do you?
3194 2 7 The Client 512 Jan I know Scranton.
3195 2 7 The Client 512 Michael At all!
3196 2 7 The Client 512 Jan Alright.
3197 2 7 The Client 512 Michael You ever been to Scranton, Jan? Dar de-
3198 2 7 The Client 512 Jan If it's a couple blocks away-
3199 2 7 The Client 512 Michael Dar de dar.
3200 2 7 The Client 512 Jan Ok.
3201 2 7 The Client 513 Michael Jan Levinson-Gould. Jan is cold. If she was sitting across from you on a train and she wasn't moving, you might think she was dead.
3202 2 7 The Client 514 Michael We should come up with a signal of some sort.
3203 2 7 The Client 514 Jan Why would we need a signal?
3204 2 7 The Client 514 Michael Well, in case one of us gets into trouble, the other one can signal-
3205 2 7 The Client 514 Jan What kinda trouble are you planning on getting in, Michael?
3206 2 7 The Client 514 Michael Well, I... it could be either of us.
3207 2 7 The Client 514 Jan You're gonna let me do the talking, we agreed on that.
3208 2 7 The Client 514 Michael Yeees.
3209 2 7 The Client 515 Michael Hello? Christian?
3210 2 7 The Client 515 Christian Yes.
3211 2 7 The Client 515 Michael Thought that was you. Hi. Michael Scott. This is Jan Levinson-Gould.
3212 2 7 The Client 515 Jan Just Jan Levinson.
3213 2 7 The Client 515 Michael No Gould?
3214 2 7 The Client 515 Jan No. Thank you very much for meeting with us. Have you been waiting long?
3215 2 7 The Client 515 Christian No, not long.
3216 2 7 The Client 515 Michael Uh, Jan, what happened?
3217 2 7 The Client 515 Jan Michael.
3218 2 7 The Client 515 Michael Is Gould dead? What uh-
3219 2 7 The Client 515 Jan Michael, we got divorced, ok? I'm so sorry. Excuse me.
3220 2 7 The Client 515 Michael Wow, you're kidding me! Do you wanna talk about?
3221 2 7 The Client 515 Jan Michael. Uh, could we have a table for three, please?
3222 2 7 The Client 515 Michael When did this happen?
3223 2 7 The Client 515 Jan We're in a meeting.
3224 2 7 The Client 515 Michael Ok.
3225 2 7 The Client 515 Hostess This way, please.
3226 2 7 The Client 515 Jan Christian.
3227 2 7 The Client 515 Michael Alright, after you.
3228 2 7 The Client 515 Christian Thank you.
3229 2 7 The Client 516 Jan I thought we could start by going over the needs of the county.
3230 2 7 The Client 516 Christian Right. Well, Lackawanna County has not been immune to the slow economic growth over the past five years. So for us, the name of the game is budget reduction-
3231 2 7 The Client 516 Michael Awesome blossom.
3232 2 7 The Client 516 Jan What?
3233 2 7 The Client 516 Michael I think we should share an Awesome Blossom, what do you say? They are awesome. Want to, Christian, blossom?
3234 2 7 The Client 516 Christian Sure.
3235 2 7 The Client 516 Michael Ok, it's done. Actually, Megan, may we have an Awesome Blossom, please, extra awesome? Now it's done.
3236 2 7 The Client 516 Jan So-
3237 2 7 The Client 516 Michael I heard a-
3238 2 7 The Client 516 Jan If you have a-
3239 2 7 The Client 516 Michael Very very funny joke the other day. Wanna hear it?
3240 2 7 The Client 516 Jan Christian, you don't have to listen to this.
3241 2 7 The Client 516 Christian It's ok, I like jokes.
3242 2 7 The Client 516 Michael Ok.
3243 2 7 The Client 516 Jan Just the one.
3244 2 7 The Client 516 Michael Just one joke. Ok. Well, if it's just gonna be one, I will think of a different joke. Umm... let's see... choo choo choo.
3245 2 7 The Client 517 Pam Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam.
3246 2 7 The Client 517 Michael Pam, it's Michael. I need you to go into my office and check some data for me.
3247 2 7 The Client 518 Pam Ok, you want me to read 'em?
3248 2 7 The Client 518 Michael Yes.
3249 2 7 The Client 518 Pam Ok. Um, a fisherman is walking down Fifth Avenue walking an animal behind him-
3250 2 7 The Client 518 Michael No.
3251 2 7 The Client 518 Pam When-
3252 2 7 The Client 518 Michael Nope. Told it. Not as good as you think. Pick another one.
3253 2 7 The Client 518 Pam Ok. There's a transcript between a naval ship-
3254 2 7 The Client 518 Michael Oh ho ho, yea! Bingo! And a lighthouse. Yes. That is hysterical. Could you start that one from the beginning?
3255 2 7 The Client 518 Pam Sure. There's a transcript between a naval ship and a lighthouse.
3256 2 7 The Client 519 Jim Is this real?
3257 2 7 The Client 519 Pam It is a screenplay. Starring himself.
3258 2 7 The Client 519 Jim Agent Michael Scarn.
3259 2 7 The Client 519 Pam Of the FBI.
3260 2 7 The Client 519 Jim How long is this? Oh, Pam. Good work! Oop, wait, stop. Drawings.
3261 2 7 The Client 519 Pam What is that?
3262 2 7 The Client 519 Jim Oh, those are drawings. In case the writing didn't really put a picture in your head. And there he is, in the flesh, Agent Michael Scarn. Now we know what he looks like.
3263 2 7 The Client 520 Michael First guy says "Well, I'm an astronaut, so I drive a Saturn". And the second guy says, "Well, I am a pimp, so I drive a cheap Escort". And the third guy says "I gotcha both beat, I'm a proctologist, so I drive a brown Probe".
3264 2 7 The Client 520 Christian Ohhh no! Oh my God, that's funny! I almost had Awesome Blossom coming out of my nose!
3265 2 7 The Client 520 Jan Excuse me, could I have a vodka tonic, please?
3266 2 7 The Client 521 Jim Do we all have our copy of "Threat Level: Midnight", by Michael Scott?
3267 2 7 The Client 521 Everyone Yeah, yeah.
3268 2 7 The Client 521 Jim Alright, let's get this started. I'm gonna be reading the action descriptions, and Phyllis, I would like you to play Catherine Zeta Jones.
3269 2 7 The Client 521 Phyllis That's the character's name?
3270 2 7 The Client 521 Jim Oh yeah-
3271 2 7 The Client 521 Dwight Ok, you guys should not be doing this.
3272 2 7 The Client 521 Jim Why not, Dwight? This is a movie. I mean, this is for all of America to enjoy.
3273 2 7 The Client 521 Dwight You took something that doesn't belong to you.
3274 2 7 The Client 521 Jim Dwight-
3275 2 7 The Client 521 Dwight Brought it in here-
3276 2 7 The Client 521 Jim Do you want to play-
3277 2 7 The Client 521 Dwight Made copies of it-
3278 2 7 The Client 521 Jim The lead role of Agent Michael Scarn?
3279 2 7 The Client 522 Michael Yum! Yum yum yum! That's delicious! I love it!
3280 2 7 The Client 522 Jan We would probably be upset with ourselves if we went this whole night without talking business, so, Dunder-Mifflin can provide a level of personal service to the county that the warehouse chains just can't match.
3281 2 7 The Client 522 Christian Well, we are out to save money.
3282 2 7 The Client 522 Jan What's the bottom line?
3283 2 7 The Client 522 Michael Bop! Be blah bop, be boo boo bop.
3284 2 7 The Client 523 Michael That's why I wanted a signal, between us, so that I wouldn't have to just shout non-sense words. That's her fault.
3285 2 7 The Client 524 Michael Did somebody say "baby back ribs"? Hmmm? Hmmmmm?
3286 2 7 The Client 524 Jan I don't think Christian has time for that.
3287 2 7 The Client 524 Christian I have time.
3288 2 7 The Client 524 Michael I want my baby back, baby back, baby back
3289 2 7 The Client 524 Michael, Christian I want my baby back, baby back, baby back-
3290 2 7 The Client 524 Michael Chili's baby back ribs...
3291 2 7 The Client 525 Jim Inside the FBI, Agent Michael Scarn sits with his feet up on his desk. Catherine Zeta Jones enters.
3292 2 7 The Client 525 Phyllis Sir, you have some messages.
3293 2 7 The Client 525 Dwight Not now!
3294 2 7 The Client 525 Phyllis They're important.
3295 2 7 The Client 525 Dwight Ok, what are they?
3296 2 7 The Client 525 Phyllis First message is: "I love you". That's from me.
3297 2 7 The Client 525 Dwight Not in a thousand years, Catherine. We work together. And get off my desk!
3298 2 7 The Client 526 Dwight Yes, I have acted before. I was in a production of "Oklahoma" in the seventh grade. I played the part of Mutey the Mailman. They had too many kids, so they made up roles like that. I was good.
3299 2 7 The Client 527 Dwight If it isn't my old partner, Samuel L. Chang.
3300 2 7 The Client 527 Ryan Agent Michael Scarn, you lost some weight.
3301 2 7 The Client 527 Dwight Thank you for noticing. Now keep me company for one more mission.
3302 2 7 The Client 527 Pam Hey, uh, I have to work late.
3303 2 7 The Client 527 Roy You're joking right?
3304 2 7 The Client 527 Jim Michael Scarn takes out a nine-millimeter gun and shoots the-
3305 2 7 The Client 527 Dwight Pow! Pow! Pow!
3306 2 7 The Client 527 Ryan Hahaha, Agent Michael Scarn, you so funny. Word.
3307 2 7 The Client 528 Kevin Michael's movie? Two thumbs down. Heh.
3308 2 7 The Client 529 Jim A man sitting several seats down, who has a gold face, turns to Michael Scarn. Uh... Ooh, Oscar, you wanna play Goldenface?
3309 2 7 The Client 529 Oscar Mr. Scarn, perhaps you would be more comfortable in my private jet?
3310 2 7 The Client 529 Dwight Yes, perhaps I would, Goldenface. Sam, get my luggage.
3311 2 7 The Client 529 Ryan I forget it, brutha.
3312 2 7 The Client 529 Dwight Samuel, you are such an idiot, you are the worst assistant ever. And you're disgusting, Dwigt. Wait, who's Dwigt?
3313 2 7 The Client 530 Pam Here's what we think happened. Michael's sidekick, who all through the movie is this complete idiot who's causing the downfall of the United States, was originally named Dwight. But then Michael changed it to Samuel L. Chang using a search and replace, but that doesn't work on misspelled words, leaving behind one Dwigt. And Dwight figured it out. Oops.
3314 2 7 The Client 531 Dwight D-W-I-G-H-T.
3315 2 7 The Client 532 Dwight Ok, you know what? I am done with this. That's it, the end.
3316 2 7 The Client 532 Jim Well, some of us wanna keep reading, so-
3317 2 7 The Client 532 Dwight Uh, you don't speak for everyone, Jim. Ok, announcement. My uncle bought me some fireworks. Anyone who wants to see a real show, come with me outside now.
3318 2 7 The Client 532 Jim That's actually a good idea. We'll all take a brief intermission. Hey, are you hungry?
3319 2 7 The Client 532 Pam Yeah.
3320 2 7 The Client 532 Jim Yeah?
3321 2 7 The Client 533 Christian So after watching my mom go through so much pain, I decided to keep that promise, that I made to her, and take care of her.
3322 2 7 The Client 533 Michael Woo, well, this brings us to Jan. Truth or Dare? Tell us about your divorce. Ohh, ohh.
3323 2 7 The Client 533 Jan Oh no, Michael, Michael, please. No, really.
3324 2 7 The Client 533 Michael Oh, so you're not gonna play? She's not playing.
3325 2 7 The Client 533 Christian It's not fair.
3326 2 7 The Client 533 Michael She's not playing the game.
3327 2 7 The Client 533 Jan We'd been fighting for a while-
3328 2 7 The Client 533 Michael Check please.
3329 2 7 The Client 533 Jan He didn't want kids, but I knew that going into it. But he also knew that I did. I guess I thought that he would change his mind; he thought that I would change mine.
3330 2 7 The Client 533 Christian You didn't.
3331 2 7 The Client 533 Jan I was stupid.
3332 2 7 The Client 533 Michael, Christian No.
3333 2 7 The Client 533 Michael No, you were not stupid. Gould was stupid. Right?
3334 2 7 The Client 533 Christian That's right.
3335 2 7 The Client 533 Michael You know?
3336 2 7 The Client 533 Christian You were really brave! You, you put your arms out there, you slit your wrists.
3337 2 7 The Client 533 Michael It's true.
3338 2 7 The Client 533 Christian You said "World, this is my blood! It's red, just like yours. So love me!"
3339 2 7 The Client 534 Jim I had plans to meet a friend tonight. Which I had to cancel. But this is cool, too. I'm not a complainer.
3340 2 7 The Client 535 Jim Wow.
3341 2 7 The Client 535 Pam For the bugs.
3342 2 7 The Client 535 Jim Nice. That's excellent, because bugs love my famous grilled cheese sandwich.
3343 2 7 The Client 535 Pam Yes... nice! I can't remember the last time someone made me dinner.
3344 2 7 The Client 536 Christian Right down the street?
3345 2 7 The Client 536 Michael Uh huh, Kenneth Road, born and raised. Spent my whole life right here in Lackawanna County and I do not intend on movin'. I know this place. I know how many hospitals we have, I know how many schools we have. It's home, you know? I know the challenges this county's up against. Here's the thing about those discount suppliers. They don't care. They come in, they undercut everything, and they run us out of business, and then, once we're all gone, they jack up the prices.
3346 2 7 The Client 536 Christian I know.
3347 2 7 The Client 536 Michael It's bad.
3348 2 7 The Client 536 Christian It's terrible.
3349 2 7 The Client 536 Michael It, you know what, it really is.
3350 2 7 The Client 536 Jan Uh-
3351 2 7 The Client 536 Christian I don't know. I guess I could give you guys our business, but you have to meet me half way, ok, because they're expecting me to make cuts.
3352 2 7 The Client 536 Michael Well, corporate's gonna go ballistic, but, uh, you think we could Jan?
3353 2 7 The Client 537 Jim So, I guess I'll see you in ten hours.
3354 2 7 The Client 537 Pam What are you going to do with your time off?
3355 2 7 The Client 537 Jim Travel. I've been looking forward to it. It's gonna be... really nice. Gonna find myself.
3356 2 7 The Client 537 Pam You have new music?
3357 2 7 The Client 537 Jim Yeah. Definitely.
3358 2 7 The Client 538 Michael See ya.
3359 2 7 The Client 538 Jan Bye... thanks. Yes!
3360 2 7 The Client 538 Michael We did it!
3361 2 7 The Client 538 Jan We got it!
3362 2 7 The Client 538 Michael Nailed it. Nailed it! Come here.
3363 2 7 The Client 538 Jan I am really- Thrilled. Let's go.
3364 2 7 The Client 538 Michael What!?
3365 2 7 The Client 538 Jan Let's go.
3366 2 7 The Client 538 Michael Goin'. Ok. Where we goin'? Doesn't matter. Goin' to the go go. Oh-ok.
3367 2 7 The Client 539 Dwight Michael? Michael? Michael? His car's not in the parking lot. I should check the accident reports. Who's this? Jan?
3368 2 7 The Client 540 Michael Morning, Pam. Hey.
3369 2 7 The Client 541 Michael No, nothing happened. I-I swear, nothing happened. What, I'm, totally being serious. A gentleman does not kiss and tell, and neither do I. No, seriously, guys, I'm not, I don't want to go into it at all. It's off limits. Fine, I took her back to her hotel and we made out for a little while. It was great. I mean she told me about her divorce, we talked for about five hours, she fell asleep on my arm. So.
3370 2 7 The Client 542 Michael Hello, Dwight.
3371 2 7 The Client 542 Dwight Did you do her?
3372 2 7 The Client 542 Michael Who.
3373 2 7 The Client 542 Dwight Jan Levinson-Gould.
3374 2 7 The Client 542 Michael Uh, no, no, no Gould.
3375 2 7 The Client 542 Dwight Did you do her?
3376 2 7 The Client 542 Michael This is none of your affair because she is your boss-
3377 2 7 The Client 542 Dwight And she is your boss.
3378 2 7 The Client 542 Michael And she is a woman. She is a strong, soft, thoughtful, sexy woman. And you know what? I don't think that I can sit here and let you talk about her that way without me defending her honor. Jan, I defend your honor. Is that all?
3379 2 7 The Client 543 Jim Jan didn't come back for her car last night.
3380 2 7 The Client 543 Pam What!?
3381 2 7 The Client 543 Jim Could it be that Agent Michael Scarn has finally found his Catherine Zeta?
3382 2 7 The Client 543 Pam Oh, I don't know... Oh my God. This is Jan's cell.
3383 2 7 The Client 543 Jim No way.
3384 2 7 The Client 543 Pam Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam.
3385 2 7 The Client 544 Michael I know we have to register as a consensual sexual relationship with HR. My question: do I do it as the man? Does she do it as my superior? I don't know. That leads to other issues that we may have in our relationship. It's, uh, Excuse me. Hello? Hi! Just talking about you. The camera? No. Uh huh. How's traffic? I miss you. What. Ok. Well, if it was a mistake, it was a wonderful mistake. No. Would you excuse me? No, I did not intentionally get you drunk. Um hmm. No, no. This is just a fight. This is just a first fight of many fights we're gonna have. Right. No. Wha-so-I don't understand, you wanna see other people. Only other people. Wh-why, ok, I think you're still a little bit drunk Excuse me? Excuse me?! I think you're, yes, why don't you just come back here, go to the hotel, have a few drinks and-no, no. I didn't slip you something!
3386 2 7 The Client 545 Jim Some might even say that we had our first date last night.
3387 2 7 The Client 545 Pam Oh, really?
3388 2 7 The Client 545 Jim Really.
3389 2 7 The Client 545 Pam Why might some say that?
3390 2 7 The Client 545 Jim Cause there was dinner, by candlelight.
3391 2 7 The Client 545 Pam Uh hmm.
3392 2 7 The Client 545 Jim Dinner and a show, if you include Michael's movie. And there was dancing and fireworks. Pretty good date.
3393 2 7 The Client 545 Pam We didn't dance.
3394 2 7 The Client 545 Jim You're right, we didn't dance. It was more like, swaying. But still romantic.
3395 2 7 The Client 545 Pam Swaying isn't dancing.
3396 2 7 The Client 545 Jim Least I didn't leave you at a high school hockey game.
3397 2 7 The Client 545 Pam I have some faxes to get out.
3398 2 7 The Client 545 Jim Oh, come on, Pam. I-
3399 2 7 The Client 546 Jim Ok, we didn't dance. I was totally joking anyway. I mean, it's not really a date if the girl goes home to her fiance. Right?
3400 2 8 Performance Review 547 Dwight You should get one of these.
3401 2 8 Performance Review 547 Jim No. Thank you.
3402 2 8 Performance Review 547 Dwight Do you even know what this is? It is a fitness orb and it has completely changed my life. Forget everything you thought you knew about ab workouts.
3403 2 8 Performance Review 547 Jim Done.
3404 2 8 Performance Review 547 Dwight This ab workout is specifically designed to strengthen your core. Sorry.
3405 2 8 Performance Review 547 Jim S'ok.
3406 2 8 Performance Review 547 Dwight Numerous health benefits, strengthens your back, better performance in sports, more enjoyable s*x.
3407 2 8 Performance Review 547 Jim You're not having s*x.
3408 2 8 Performance Review 547 Dwight Plus, improves your reflexes see, I would have caught that.
3409 2 8 Performance Review 547 Jim Ok, you know what, uh, how much is that?
3410 2 8 Performance Review 547 Dwight It's only twenty-five bucks.
3411 2 8 Performance Review 547 Jim Wow. Um, ok.
3412 2 8 Performance Review 548 Michael Pam, could I see you in my office?
3413 2 8 Performance Review 549 Pam It's performance review day, company-wide. Last year, my performance review started with Michael asking me what my hopes and dreams were, and it ended with him telling me he could bench-press 190 pounds. So, I don't really know what to expect.
3414 2 8 Performance Review 550 Michael Pam, you're trustworthy-
3415 2 8 Performance Review 550 Pam Thank you.
3416 2 8 Performance Review 550 Michael And a woman-
3417 2 8 Performance Review 550 Pam Oh, no.
3418 2 8 Performance Review 550 Michael And I want you to listen to a voicemail from my boss. "Michael, it's Jan. I guess I missed you. I'll, uh, be there this afternoon for performance reviews. I hope it's understood that that will be our only topic of discussion. See you soon." First impressions?
3419 2 8 Performance Review 550 Pam Uh, just off the top... I think she'll be here this afternoon.
3420 2 8 Performance Review 551 Michael My boss is coming in today, the lovely Jan Levinson-Gould will, well, no Gould. The Gould has been swack, divorced. Um, the awkward part is that this will be the first time that we'll be seeing each other since, well, uh, it was really nothing. We just sort of got caught up in the moment. The vulnerable divorcee gives herself to the understanding, with rugged good-looks, office manager. Just, uh, she didn't want it to continue for some reason. It, we both, I didn't want it, we both didn't want it to continue. Was not professional. Um, when people say something's mutual, it never is. But this was mutual.
3421 2 8 Performance Review 552 Michael "I guess I missed you." I guess I missed you. So, she misses me?
3422 2 8 Performance Review 552 Pam She missed you.
3423 2 8 Performance Review 552 Michael But then she goes on to say "that will be our only topic of discussion". That doesn't mean anything, those are just words.
3424 2 8 Performance Review 552 Pam I have one idea of what it means.
3425 2 8 Performance Review 552 Michael Ok. Yeah, what, what?
3426 2 8 Performance Review 552 Pam Well I don't think you're gonna be very happy with this.
3427 2 8 Performance Review 552 Michael Ohhh, great. Well, now I'm in a terrible mood. Let's do your performance review-
3428 2 8 Performance Review 552 Pam Because she's conflicted. She has to be professional, but she's fighting feelings... for you.
3429 2 8 Performance Review 552 Michael Ah, why, that's great news? That, that, then why would, why would I not like that?
3430 2 8 Performance Review 552 Pam Um, just cause, that, you work together, and it might be awkward.
3431 2 8 Performance Review 552 Michael Oh, wow, wow. Alright, let's listen to that again. "Michael, it's Jan. I guess I missed you".
3432 2 8 Performance Review 553 Dwight Oh, hey, listen, Jim. Here's a little tip for your performance review.
3433 2 8 Performance Review 553 Jim Ok.
3434 2 8 Performance Review 553 Dwight Tell Michael that we should be stocking more of the double-tabbed manila file folders.
3435 2 8 Performance Review 553 Jim We don't have double-tabbed manila file folders.
3436 2 8 Performance Review 553 Dwight Oh, yes, we do.
3437 2 8 Performance Review 553 Jim No, we don't.
3438 2 8 Performance Review 553 Dwight Yeah, it's a new product. So, you should just suggest that to him and he'll be sure to give you a raise.
3439 2 8 Performance Review 553 Jim Alright... well, I'm not asking for a raise. I'm gonna actually be asking for a pay decrease.
3440 2 8 Performance Review 553 Dwight Uh, that is so stupid. What if he gives it to you?
3441 2 8 Performance Review 553 Jim I win.
3442 2 8 Performance Review 553 Dwight Ugh, you know what? I am going to zone you out for the rest of today. I need to stay focused, and I don't have to see you tomorrow or Sunday and please don't call me, and we'll see how things go on Monday. Uh, stupid.
3443 2 8 Performance Review 553 Jim Wait, wait; one thing. Uh, by tomorrow, you mean Saturday, right?
3444 2 8 Performance Review 553 Dwight Uh, duh.
3445 2 8 Performance Review 553 Jim Duh.
3446 2 8 Performance Review 554 Jim Today is Thursday. But Dwight thinks that it's Friday. And that's what I'll be working on this afternoon.
3447 2 8 Performance Review 555 Stanley Sometimes women say more in their pauses than they say in their words.
3448 2 8 Performance Review 555 Michael Really?
3449 2 8 Performance Review 555 Stanley Oh, yes. Let's listen to it again. And this time, really listen to the pauses.
3450 2 8 Performance Review 555 Michael God, Stanley, that's frickin' brilliant. How do you know that? Did you learn that on the streets? Sorry.
3451 2 8 Performance Review 555 Stanley Oh, no, that's ok. I did learn it on the streets. On the ghetto, in fact.
3452 2 8 Performance Review 555 Michael No kidding.
3453 2 8 Performance Review 556 Stanley It's all about my bonus.
3454 2 8 Performance Review 557 Pam Michael and Jan definitely made out.
3455 2 8 Performance Review 557 Jim Ohh...
3456 2 8 Performance Review 557 Pam Maybe more.
3457 2 8 Performance Review 557 Jim Eck!... Oh! Also, it is Thursday, but Dwight thinks it's Friday. So, keep that goin'.
3458 2 8 Performance Review 557 Pam Oh, yea!
3459 2 8 Performance Review 558 Michael Good work, Stanley. Great performance review. Stanley in the house, everybody. Woo! Angela, your turn.
3460 2 8 Performance Review 559 Angela I actually look forward to performance reviews. I did the youth beauty pageant circuit. And I enjoyed that quite a bit. I really enjoy being judged. I believe I hold up very well to even severe scrutiny.
3461 2 8 Performance Review 560 Pam Michael?
3462 2 8 Performance Review 560 Michael Yeah?
3463 2 8 Performance Review 560 Pam Jan's on the phone for you.
3464 2 8 Performance Review 560 Michael Oh; Angela, you were totally satisfactory this year.
3465 2 8 Performance Review 561 Michael Interesting. Jan is calling me. Maybe it wasn't so mutual after all. Yeah?
3466 2 8 Performance Review 561 Jan Michael.
3467 2 8 Performance Review 561 Michael Jan! To what do I owe this pleasure?
3468 2 8 Performance Review 561 Jan I am returning your many calls.
3469 2 8 Performance Review 561 Michael Well, hello to you, too. Um, yeah, I was just um, I just wanted to get some closure on uh, what transpired between us at the meeting we had in the parking lot of the Chili's.
3470 2 8 Performance Review 561 Jan No. No, we won't be discussing that, Michael. The only things I wanna talk about during your performance review are your concrete ideas to improve your branch.
3471 2 8 Performance Review 561 Michael Well, surely this uh, review is a formality because of what happened uh, at our meeting in the parking lot of Chili's.
3472 2 8 Performance Review 561 Jan Uh, your review is anything but a formality, Michael.
3473 2 8 Performance Review 561 Michael Oh.
3474 2 8 Performance Review 561 Jan I expect you to forget anything that you think may have happened between us and exhibit completely professional behavior.
3475 2 8 Performance Review 561 Michael Been thinking about you.
3476 2 8 Performance Review 561 Jan Ok, that is an example of completely unprofessional behavior.
3477 2 8 Performance Review 561 Michael Um, I don't see how that's unprofessional. Just-
3478 2 8 Performance Review 561 Jan Michael.
3479 2 8 Performance Review 561 Michael Yep.
3480 2 8 Performance Review 561 Jan Are the cameras with you...
3481 2 8 Performance Review 561 Michael No.
3482 2 8 Performance Review 561 Jan ...in your office?
3483 2 8 Performance Review 561 Michael They are not. Yes, they are. That's my girlfriend.
3484 2 8 Performance Review 562 Kevin I heard they made out and had s*x.
3485 2 8 Performance Review 562 Oscar No, they just made out. That's it.
3486 2 8 Performance Review 562 Angela Don't talk about it. Office romances are nobody's business but the people involved.
3487 2 8 Performance Review 562 Kevin Romances?
3488 2 8 Performance Review 563 Michael Pam, I have ideas on a daily basis. I know I do. I have a clear memory of telling people my ideas. Um, is there any chance you wrote any of my ideas down? In a folder? A "Michael-idea" folder?
3489 2 8 Performance Review 563 Pam Sorry.
3490 2 8 Performance Review 563 Michael That's unfortunate. How 'bout the suggestion box? There's tons of ideas in there.
3491 2 8 Performance Review 563 Pam What suggestion box?
3492 2 8 Performance Review 563 Michael The suggestion box that I put out, and people could be put in suggestions anonymously? Maybe there's prizes?
3493 2 8 Performance Review 563 Pam Oh, yeah. Uh, I think I remember that from back from when I first started.
3494 2 8 Performance Review 563 Michael Why don't you find it and tell people to get theirs... never mind, I'll tell them. Hello, everybody? Yeah, uh, attention, please. Jan Levinson's coming, very soon, and so, we're going to have our weekly suggestion box meeting, so you can all get your constructive compliments in a.s.a.p.
3495 2 8 Performance Review 563 Ryan Don't you mean constructive criticism?
3496 2 8 Performance Review 563 Michael What did I say?
3497 2 8 Performance Review 563 Kelly You said "constructive complements"; that doesn't make any sense.
3498 2 8 Performance Review 563 Michael Well, Kelly, that was neither constructive nor a compliment, so maybe you should stop criticizing my English and start making some suggestions. 'K?
3499 2 8 Performance Review 564 Jim Hey, Dan, this is Jim, and it is about 11:15, and I wanted to know what you were up to tomorrow, which is the fifteenth, and that is a...
3500 2 8 Performance Review 564 Dwight Saturday.
3501 2 8 Performance Review 564 Jim ...Saturday, so just let me know what you're doing tomorrow, Saturday, for lunch. Ok, talk to you soon.
3502 2 8 Performance Review 565 Jan We'll address this in the meeting then. Ok. Ok, bye-bye. Could you please tell Michael that I'm here?
3503 2 8 Performance Review 565 Pam Sure.
3504 2 8 Performance Review 565 Michael Hi, Jan. How are you?
3505 2 8 Performance Review 565 Jan I'm good; how are you?
3506 2 8 Performance Review 565 Michael Good to see you.
3507 2 8 Performance Review 565 Jan Nice to see you.
3508 2 8 Performance Review 565 Michael Ok. Ok, why don't we just step into my office? We're gonna go in here.
3509 2 8 Performance Review 565 Jan Can we please go in your office?
3510 2 8 Performance Review 565 Michael Yep, right after you. Apres-vous. No calls.
3511 2 8 Performance Review 565 Kevin Oooo.
3512 2 8 Performance Review 566 Michael Alright .
3513 2 8 Performance Review 566 Jan Thank you.
3514 2 8 Performance Review 566 Michael It's nice to see you.
3515 2 8 Performance Review 566 Jan Nice to see you too, Michael.
3516 2 8 Performance Review 566 Michael Really?
3517 2 8 Performance Review 566 Jan Not like that.
3518 2 8 Performance Review 566 Michael Oh, well.
3519 2 8 Performance Review 566 Jan You know Michael, I think I need to make something clear right off the top. I'm not going to discuss anything with you other than Dunder-Mifflin business.
3520 2 8 Performance Review 566 Michael Alright.
3521 2 8 Performance Review 566 Jan Period.
3522 2 8 Performance Review 566 Michael Yep.
3523 2 8 Performance Review 566 Jan Do we understand each other.
3524 2 8 Performance Review 566 Michael Absolutely.
3525 2 8 Performance Review 567 Michael I'm a little confused. 'Cause first it's all like kissy-kissy. And then it's like all regret. Because "Oh, I regret that." But, "Wait, I'm still gonna call you." But, but, "We're just gonna talk business. And I may come down and fire you if you don't do your job." But what were talking about when we first kissed? Business.
3526 2 8 Performance Review 568 Jan So are you still in the middle of the performance reviews then?
3527 2 8 Performance Review 568 Michael No, no, no, I finished all of that. I'm very fast. I'm not too fast. Not like wham-bam-thank ya ma'am. But I do say thank ya ma'am. But, I'm, I'm not like wham-bam. Not that there's anything wrong with wham-bam. If it's consensual. We're talking about office stuff. Can I ask you a question?
3528 2 8 Performance Review 568 Jan No.
3529 2 8 Performance Review 568 Michael This is a business question. It's nothing personal, I promise.
3530 2 8 Performance Review 568 Jan Fine.
3531 2 8 Performance Review 568 Michael Are you wearing a new perfume today?
3532 2 8 Performance Review 568 Jan How is that a business question?
3533 2 8 Performance Review 568 Michael Well, you're wearing it at the office. And it, I'm sorry, but no offense, but it's really sexy.
3534 2 8 Performance Review 568 Jan Please don't smell me, Michael.
3535 2 8 Performance Review 569 Pam Hey, Jim.
3536 2 8 Performance Review 569 Jim Hey, how's it goin'?
3537 2 8 Performance Review 569 Pam Oh my God, did you see "The Apprentice" last night?
3538 2 8 Performance Review 569 Jim Course, it's on every Thursday night, so how could I miss it?
3539 2 8 Performance Review 569 Pam Can you believe who Trump fired?
3540 2 8 Performance Review 569 Jim No, that was unbelievable.
3541 2 8 Performance Review 569 Dwight Who? Who was it? Who did he fire?
3542 2 8 Performance Review 569 Pam You didn't see it?
3543 2 8 Performance Review 569 Dwight No, I went out and got drunk with my laser tag team last night. Crap! I never go out on a Thursday night; what the hell was I thinking?
3544 2 8 Performance Review 570 Michael I don't understand- Hold on. Sorry. Yes, Pam.
3545 2 8 Performance Review 570 Pam Michael, it's time for the suggestion box meeting.
3546 2 8 Performance Review 570 Michael I'm kind of in the middle of something. I wish you wouldn't interrupt.
3547 2 8 Performance Review 570 Pam You told me to buzz you about the suggestion box meeting when Jan was here.
3548 2 8 Performance Review 570 Michael I did not, not, not use those words.
3549 2 8 Performance Review 570 Jan Uh, I'd like to sit in on that meeting is it happening right now?
3550 2 8 Performance Review 570 Michael No, it's in like ten minutes.
3551 2 8 Performance Review 570 Pam Everyone's waiting in the conference room.
3552 2 8 Performance Review 570 Jan Great. Very good.
3553 2 8 Performance Review 571 Michael Why are we here? Because I value your opinions. Now, I know a lot of don't think that I read your suggestions, but I do. I just sift through them every week and I really look and scrutinize to see what you guys are writing. Um, so, let's, uh, just read some of these suckers. Alright. Number one: "What should we do to prepare for Y2K?"
3554 2 8 Performance Review 571 Dwight What should we do to prepare for Y2K?
3555 2 8 Performance Review 571 Kelly I thought you read these every week.
3556 2 8 Performance Review 571 Michael Well, obviously this one got stuck in the box. That happens occasionally.
3557 2 8 Performance Review 571 Dwight It happens occasionally.
3558 2 8 Performance Review 571 Michael And, um, one down. Next suggestion: "we need better outreach for employees fighting depression". Ok, alright, enough with the jokes. Nobody in here is suffering from depression.
3559 2 8 Performance Review 571 Jan That sounds serious, Michael.
3560 2 8 Performance Review 571 Michael Oh, ok, well, yeah, who wrote it?
3561 2 8 Performance Review 571 Dwight Tom?
3562 2 8 Performance Review 571 Michael Tom. Then it is a joke because there is nobody in here named Tom.
3563 2 8 Performance Review 571 Phyllis Tom? He worked in accounting up until about a year ago. Tom? Pow.
3564 2 8 Performance Review 571 Michael Oh, that guy? That guy was weird. Alright, next suggestion.
3565 2 8 Performance Review 571 Dwight Next suggestion.
3566 2 8 Performance Review 571 Michael Arrr, dooby dooby do. "You need to do something about your B.O."
3567 2 8 Performance Review 571 Dwight You need to do something about your B.O.
3568 2 8 Performance Review 571 Michael Ok, I don't know who this suggestion is meant for, but it's more of a personal suggestion and it's not an office suggestion. Far be it for me to use this as a platform to embarrass anybody.
3569 2 8 Performance Review 571 Toby Aren't the suggestions meant for you?
3570 2 8 Performance Review 571 Michael Well, Toby, if by me you are inferring that I have B.O., then I would say that is a very poor choice of words.
3571 2 8 Performance Review 571 Creed Uh, Michael, he wasn't inferring, he was implying. You were inferring.
3572 2 8 Performance Review 571 Michael Was I, Creed?! Ok, well, you know what? I am implying is that when we're on an elevator together, I should maybe take the stairs, because talk about stank. Not that I would ever say something like that in public, and I never have, and I never will. I just think it's something that we should all be aware of. Ok? Now that we've learned this, let's continue. See, this is good, we're learning and we're figuring some stuff out. "You need to do something about your coffee breath"-
3573 2 8 Performance Review 571 Dwight You need-
3574 2 8 Performance Review 571 Michael Ok.
3575 2 8 Performance Review 571 Dwight To do something about-
3576 2 8 Performance Review 571 Michael Shut up, shut up, shut up, Dwight, OK. I don't think you people are grasping the concept of the suggestion box.
3577 2 8 Performance Review 571 Angela Sometimes you talk to us real close.
3578 2 8 Performance Review 571 Michael Yeah, is that hard for you? Alright, well-
3579 2 8 Performance Review 571 Angela Well, when you have coffee breath-
3580 2 8 Performance Review 571 Michael I'll work on that-
3581 2 8 Performance Review 571 Angela It's hard.
3582 2 8 Performance Review 571 Michael Let's keep going. Keep it going. Yep. What do we have here? We have somebody's piece of gum. Somebody put a piece of gum in there. This is not a, a garbage can, this is the future of our company. This is not a place for gum. I don't wanna have to read these tomorrow.
3583 2 8 Performance Review 571 Dwight Yeah, who wants to come in on a Saturday?
3584 2 8 Performance Review 571 Michael Yeah, what? Uh, alright, next suggestion.
3585 2 8 Performance Review 571 Dwight Next suggestion.
3586 2 8 Performance Review 571 Michael "Don't sl-", ok, that's blank Don't, just put it-
3587 2 8 Performance Review 571 Dwight "Don't sleep with your boss"? Do you think this is referring to you boning Jan?
3588 2 8 Performance Review 572 Jan I can't, I can't-
3589 2 8 Performance Review 572 Michael I don't understand why you're so upset.
3590 2 8 Performance Review 572 Jan Please sit down.
3591 2 8 Performance Review 572 Michael Let me ask you-
3592 2 8 Performance Review 572 Jan You're gonna sit here and I'm gonna go sit over there.
3593 2 8 Performance Review 572 Michael Ok, let me ask you this.
3594 2 8 Performance Review 572 Jan Please, sit yourself down.
3595 2 8 Performance Review 572 Michael Let me ask you something.
3596 2 8 Performance Review 572 Jan What, Michael.
3597 2 8 Performance Review 572 Michael Where did you get your outfit?
3598 2 8 Performance Review 573 Dwight You are giving me this raise! I deserve this raise! Yes! Yes! Yes! Hiya! The least you can do is keep my salary consistent with inflation! Keeya eyah! Yes! Why are you gonna give me this raise? Why? Because... I'm awesome! I am awesome!
3599 2 8 Performance Review 574 Michael I just don't understand why you have to pretend like nothing happened.
3600 2 8 Performance Review 574 Jan Because nothing did, Michael. It, I'm not going to say anything more about it, and I would advise that you do the same
3601 2 8 Performance Review 574 Michael Look-
3602 2 8 Performance Review 574 Dwight Michael?
3603 2 8 Performance Review 574 Michael Oh my God...
3604 2 8 Performance Review 574 Dwight I'm sorry, am I interrupting? Oh God; were you guys making out?
3605 2 8 Performance Review 574 Jan No, Dwight; come in.
3606 2 8 Performance Review 574 Dwight Great.
3607 2 8 Performance Review 574 Michael What do you want Dwight?
3608 2 8 Performance Review 574 Dwight I am ready for my performance review.
3609 2 8 Performance Review 574 Michael Ok, great. Your performance has been adequate. You may leave; goodbye.
3610 2 8 Performance Review 574 Jan Is this how you've been conducting all the reviews, Michael?
3611 2 8 Performance Review 574 Michael You wanna talk now, good; OK, Dwight, leave.
3612 2 8 Performance Review 574 Dwight Uh, wait, I would like to discuss my raise?
3613 2 8 Performance Review 574 Michael Why on earth would we give you a raise?
3614 2 8 Performance Review 574 Dwight That is an excellent question. Thank you for asking. Let me bring up one word: dedication. I have never been late. Also, I have never missed a day due to illness. Even when I had walking pneumonia. I even come in on holidays.
3615 2 8 Performance Review 574 Michael You do? How do you get in?
3616 2 8 Performance Review 574 Dwight I have a copy of your key.
3617 2 8 Performance Review 574 Jan That's a serious offense!
3618 2 8 Performance Review 574 Michael That is a serious offense. Very serious. As is toying with a man's heart.
3619 2 8 Performance Review 574 Jan Oh! Michael, for God sakes!
3620 2 8 Performance Review 574 Dwight I'd also further like to talk about my merits in the workplace.
3621 2 8 Performance Review 574 Michael Ok, third wheel, why don't you do that?
3622 2 8 Performance Review 574 Dwight For instance, the time I brought in deer jerky for the whole office.
3623 2 8 Performance Review 574 Michael That was deer!? Gross, oh!
3624 2 8 Performance Review 574 Dwight You liked it!
3625 2 8 Performance Review 574 Michael Oh, did not!
3626 2 8 Performance Review 574 Dwight Jan, have you ever had deer?
3627 2 8 Performance Review 574 Jan No.
3628 2 8 Performance Review 574 Dwight It's a delicacy. And you know what? It's an aphrodisiac. So when we're done here, you guys could go over to The Antler Lodge, sample some deer and talk about my raise.
3629 2 8 Performance Review 574 Michael What do you say, Jan?
3630 2 8 Performance Review 574 Jan Ok! Here's what I'm gonna do: I'm gonna step outside, collect my thoughts, and I will return in about ten minutes.
3631 2 8 Performance Review 574 Michael Ok. You just, uh, clear your head.
3632 2 8 Performance Review 574 Jan Thank you, Dwight.
3633 2 8 Performance Review 575 Jan Look, I know it's your job, I know you have to ask, but I promise you, I'm not gonna discuss it with him, I'm certainly not gonna discuss it with you. Do you have a light?
3634 2 8 Performance Review 576 Dwight And in conclusion, I think that Lex Luthor said it best when he said "Dad, you have no idea what I'm capable of".
3635 2 8 Performance Review 576 Michael That's from Superman?
3636 2 8 Performance Review 576 Dwight Smallville. And that is why, I feel, that I deserve this raise.
3637 2 8 Performance Review 577 Pam Do you think Michael and Jan actually...
3638 2 8 Performance Review 577 Jim I don't really wanna picture it. But thank you, Pam.
3639 2 8 Performance Review 577 Pam How do you come back from that?
3640 2 8 Performance Review 577 Jim Um, you don't, I don't think, come all the way back, you know. Especially working together.
3641 2 8 Performance Review 577 Pam No, I mean doing that with Michael. How do you come back from that?
3642 2 8 Performance Review 577 Jim Oh-
3643 2 8 Performance Review 577 Pam As a human being.
3644 2 8 Performance Review 577 Jim Yeah, no, I don't think you can.
3645 2 8 Performance Review 578 Jan I'm heading back to New York; Alan and I will conduct your performance review over the phone tomorrow.
3646 2 8 Performance Review 578 Michael Wait.
3647 2 8 Performance Review 578 Jan 'K?
3648 2 8 Performance Review 578 Michael Wait, wait, wait, come, I just, I just wanna know why?
3649 2 8 Performance Review 578 Jan Michael, now is not the time or the place.
3650 2 8 Performance Review 578 Michael Ok, so you're saying that there is a different time or place?
3651 2 8 Performance Review 578 Jan No, I am saying we are never having this conversation.
3652 2 8 Performance Review 578 Michael Well, ok, well never as in 'never ever ever', or never as in there's still a chance?
3653 2 8 Performance Review 578 Jan Never, for me, always means 'never ever ever.'
3654 2 8 Performance Review 578 Michael I just want to know, from the horse's mouth, what is the dealio?
3655 2 8 Performance Review 578 Jan Michael, it has nothing-
3656 2 8 Performance Review 578 Michael Am I too short?
3657 2 8 Performance Review 578 Jan With your looks, ok? It's your personality. I mean, you're obnoxious, and rude, and, and, and stupid, and you do have coffee breath, by the way, and, and I don't agree about the b.o., but you are very, very inconsiderate.
3658 2 8 Performance Review 578 Michael Really?
3659 2 8 Performance Review 578 Jan Really. You're, you're, you're a great guy, ok?
3660 2 8 Performance Review 578 Michael I appreciate that, thank you.
3661 2 8 Performance Review 578 Jan And you were very sweet, and you stayed up with me and talked with me, cried with me, and I appreciate that-
3662 2 8 Performance Review 578 Michael No, I wasn't, I didn't cry-
3663 2 8 Performance Review 578 Jan At this time in my life. I just am not in the place right now where I'm looking for a relationship, so we can still work together, we can still be friends but... ok?
3664 2 8 Performance Review 578 Michael So my looks have nothing to do with it?
3665 2 8 Performance Review 578 Jan Ohhh, God.
3666 2 8 Performance Review 579 Michael Jan is not in a place where she feels she can have a relationship right now. And it doesn't matter how great a guy I am. And that is all I needed; I'm good. I can go home now.
3667 2 8 Performance Review 580 Michael Hey, it's 12:20; where the hell's Dwight?
3668 2 8 Performance Review 580 Jim Ummm... no idea.
3669 2 8 Performance Review 580 Michael Never missed a day, my ass.
3670 2 8 Performance Review 580 Pam Thank you.
3671 2 8 Performance Review 581 Dwight I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! It's ok!
3672 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 582 Michael It is Friday morning and it is another beautiful day in Scranton, Pennsylvania. Oh my God. Ohhh. Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up. Oh, we have a serious problem here. Alright everybody, lock the doors, turn off the lights. Pretend you're not here.
3673 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 582 Jim Are we in danger?
3674 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 582 Michael There's no time to think about if this is real. Just, shh, everybody.
3675 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 582 Kevin Michael, should I call the... What?
3676 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 583 Michael The IT tech guy and me did not get off to a great start.
3677 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 584 Michael Yeah, I tried to install it myself, but, uh, you guys have these things so password-protected...
3678 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 584 Sadiq (IT guy) That just means you have to enter your password.
3679 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 584 Michael Oh...
3680 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 584 Sadiq (IT guy) What's your password, Michael?
3681 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 584 Michael Oh, umm...
3682 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 584 Sadiq (IT guy) Oh, it's 1-2-3.
3683 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 584 Michael Yes.
3684 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 585 Dwight Mi-
3685 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 585 Michael AH! Guh-oood.
3686 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 585 Dwight Sorry.
3687 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 585 Michael Please don't do that.
3688 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 585 Dwight Ok, I'm sorry. What is going on in there? Why is he here? What are you doing?
3689 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 585 Michael I can't tell you.
3690 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 585 Dwight You have to tell me.
3691 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 585 Michael I don't have to tell you anything.
3692 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 585 Dwight Look, Michael, I know you don't want to have to think about this, but if something were to happen to you, God forbid, then I would need to know in order to take over.
3693 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 585 Michael Dwight, nothing is going to happen to me, ok? I'm in the best shape of my life. Look at this. Brrr! That's strong!
3694 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 585 Dwight Yeah, but that doesn't matter, you could get a brain aneurysm-
3695 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 585 Michael I'm not going get a brain-
3696 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 585 Dwight Or get hit by a car-
3697 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 585 Michael Stop it.
3698 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 585 Dwight Or a bus or a train. Get poisoned, fall in a well, step on a mine, choke.
3699 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 585 Michael Uh, oh, ok; if I step on a mine in Scranton, Pennsylvania, and die, you can have my job, ok? Why don't you just go... away?
3700 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 586 Michael There are certain things a boss does not share with his employees. His salary, that would depress them. His bed, it--- And I am not going to tell them that I'll be reading their e-mails.
3701 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 587 Michael So how do you search?
3702 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 587 Sadiq (IT guy) By keyword phrase.
3703 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 587 Michael Try "profits". No! Try "Michael Scott". "Michael" "boss" and "funny". Oh my God, wow! E-mail from Stanley. Stanley, Terribly nice guy. "Sorry I didn't write back sooner; I can't go to the game tonight because my boss Michael is an ass and making me stay late." Well, Stanley's an ass. Not one of our harder workers.
3704 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 588 Oscar Hey, what's the deal, Michael? Why are you spying on our computers?
3705 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 588 Michael Oh, no, everybody; Oscar's gone crazy! What other ghost stories do you have for us? That I'm a robot? I will destroy everything in my path-
3706 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 588 Oscar Actually, it's just-
3707 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 588 Michael Beep! Bop!
3708 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 588 Oscar Ok...
3709 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 588 Michael Bommmm. Bop! Onk onk. Oil can. Oil can.
3710 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 588 Oscar Tin Man. Actually we just a got a memo from IT saying you're doing e-mail surveillance.
3711 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 588 Michael Oh, what? No. That defeats the whole purpose.
3712 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 588 Dwight So it's true? You have access to our e-mails?
3713 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 588 Michael You know what the problem is?
3714 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 588 Stanley I think I do.
3715 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 588 Michael The problem is that when people hear the term "big brother", they immediately think it's scary or bad, but I don't. I think, wow, I love my big brother.
3716 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 589 Kevin I gotta erase a lotta stuff. A lot of stuff.
3717 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 590 Dwight Oh hey, just so ya know, if you have a lot of sensitive e-mails, they need to be deleted immediately.
3718 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 590 Angela I know.
3719 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 590 Dwight Good.
3720 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 590 Pam Hey. Something just happened. Dwight just told Angela that she has to deleted all of her sensitive e-mails immediately.
3721 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 590 Jim What?
3722 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 590 Pam I know!
3723 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 590 Jim Hmm...
3724 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 590 Pam Do you think that they're like-
3725 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 590 Jim No.
3726 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 590 Pam No, right, no, no.
3727 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 590 Pam Uhhh, ew, ew, ew... .Maybe?
3728 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 591 Pam It's like squishing a spider under a book. It's gonna be really gross but I have to look and make sure that it's really dead. Sooo... If you guys see anything... ?
3729 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 592 Pam Hey, Dwight, um, my friend is kinda into these two girls that he works with.
3730 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 592 Dwight Nice.
3731 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 592 Pam One is tall and brunette, and the other one is short, and blonde, and perky, and kinda judgmental. Who do you think he should choose?
3732 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 592 Dwight Does he have access to their medical records?
3733 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 592 Pam Ummmm...
3734 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 593 Dwight I think one of the greatest things about modern America is the computerization of medical records. As a volunteer sheriff, I can look up anyone's psychiatric records or surgical histories. Yeast infections. There are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. Probably because we are down river from that old bread factory.
3735 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 594 Michael Meredith has an E-vite from Jim. Barbeque at Jim's tonight. Tonight? Wonder where my e-vitation is. Click on guest list. Angela, Stanley, Oscar, Meredith, Phyllis, Kevin, Creed. Must be... . No.
3736 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 595 Pam Hey, Angela-
3737 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 595 Angela Hi.
3738 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 595 Pam How's it going?
3739 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 595 Angela It's ok.
3740 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 595 Pam Listen, are you bringing anyone to Jim's party tonight?
3741 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 595 Angela No. Are we supposed to?
3742 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 595 Pam No. I mean, I don't know, I don't think so.
3743 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 595 Angela Hmm... Excuse me.
3744 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 595 Pam Oh.
3745 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 596 Michael There's always a distance between a boss and the employees. It is just nature's rule. It's intimidation mostly, it's the awareness that they are not me. I do think that I am very approachable, as one of the guys. But maybe I need to be even approachabler.
3746 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 597 Kevin That's pretty young.
3747 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 597 Pam Yeah.
3748 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 597 Kevin Are you gonna eat with us?
3749 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 597 Michael Of course. Hangin' with my crew, crew that I am one of. Hangin' with my Cup of Noodles. This is a meal in a cup.
3750 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 597 Jim Uh hum.
3751 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 597 Michael Hot, tasty. Reminds me of college. Lived on this stuff. Brain food. Mmmm... You know what I really, really miss about college? The parties. Everybody'd go. The athletes, the, the nerds, professors.
3752 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 597 Pam The professors would go to the parties?
3753 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 597 Michael Yeah! They were the most fun. We always invited them.
3754 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 598 Jim It's true. I'm having a party. I've got three cases of imported beer, a karaoke machine, and I didn't invite Michael. So three ingredients for a great party. And it's nothing personal, I just think that if he were there, people wouldn't be able to relax, and you know, have fun, and my roommate wants to meet everybody. Because I'm pretty sure he thinks that I'm making Dwight up. He is very real.
3755 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 599 Pam What? Ohhhh... Yes! Thank you!
3756 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 600 Dwight Question: on the Internet there are several different options to get to your house for the party tonight-
3757 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 600 Jim Oh, uh, no. Could-
3758 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 600 Dwight I was wondering-
3759 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 600 Jim Could, keep that down.
3760 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 600 Dwight Why?
3761 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 600 Jim Because not everybody knows about the party.
3762 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 600 Dwight Like who? Who doesn't know?
3763 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 600 Jim Umm, Michael.
3764 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 600 Dwight Why just Michael?
3765 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 600 Jim Because it's a surprise.
3766 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 600 Dwight Is it?
3767 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 600 Jim Uh hmm.
3768 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 600 Dwight Oh, that's perfect!
3769 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 600 Jim So, don't tell.
3770 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 600 Dwight I won't.
3771 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 600 Jim Ok.
3772 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 601 Jim So, Dwight thinks that tonight is a surprise party for Michael.
3773 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 601 Pam Really? That's great.
3774 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 601 Jim I know.
3775 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 601 Pam Maybe we can get him to hide and wait somewhere.
3776 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 601 Jim Oh man. Oh, you know what, speaking of which, I was just trying to get a handle on, you know, numbers for food and stuff. So do you think that Roy's gonna come, or...
3777 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 601 Pam Oh, no, he can't make it.
3778 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 601 Jim Oh, ok, cool.
3779 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 601 Michael Hey there.
3780 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 601 Jim Hey.
3781 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 601 Michael Almost quittin' time.
3782 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 601 Jim Yup, it's, uh, four o'clock.
3783 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 601 Michael One more hour. Take care of anything you forgot to do. Hey, you know, I don't know if you have any plans tonight, but if ya don't, we could hang out.
3784 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 601 Jim Oh, um... .I can't.
3785 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 601 Michael You have plans.
3786 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 601 Jim Uh hmm, definitely.
3787 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 601 Michael I do, too. I do, too.
3788 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 601 Jim You do?
3789 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 601 Michael I do, yeah. Big plans.
3790 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 601 Jim Because you said "do you wanna hang out"-
3791 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 601 Michael Tonight, I can't do it tonight, no. Improv class, I have improv class, hanging out with my improv buds-
3792 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 601 Jim Really?
3793 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 601 Michael Yeah.
3794 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 601 Jim Aw, that sounds like a lot of fun.
3795 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 601 Michael It's the best. It's the best. I would not miss it for the world. But if something else came up, I would definitely not go.
3796 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 601 Jim Improv sounds great.
3797 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 601 Michael It is. Ok.
3798 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 601 Jim Alright.
3799 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 601 Michael What?
3800 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 601 Jim I think Stanley just coughed.
3801 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 602 Michael Hey, Pam. Do you need me to walk to your vehicular transport?
3802 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 602 Pam No thanks.
3803 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 602 Michael Alright. Oscar, got big plans tonight with-
3804 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 602 Oscar I'm on a call.
3805 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 602 Michael Kevin, big man, big man, what are you doing tonight? Where are you off to?
3806 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 602 Kevin My brother is in town and we are going to see the Alaska Film Festival at the Scien-
3807 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 602 Michael Ok, alright.
3808 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 602 Kevin Oh.
3809 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 602 Michael Hey, Angela, rushy, rushy. Where you rushin' off to?
3810 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 602 Angela I'm just leaving for the day.
3811 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 602 Michael Yeah, well duh. Where ya headed?
3812 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 602 Angela Charity. Bake drive.
3813 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 602 Michael Liar!
3814 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 602 Angela No!
3815 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 602 Michael You are a liar.
3816 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 602 Angela No, I'm not.
3817 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 602 Michael Dwight, oh ho, Dwight, Dwight, my loyal compadre. You and I are hangin' tonight. The two of us. We are celebrating our freedom and our manhood. You know what? Why don't we watch that show that you've been wanting to watch, that stupid Battleship Galaxy.
3818 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 602 Dwight Battlestar Galatica.
3819 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 602 Michael That's, whatever stupid show you want-
3820 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 602 Dwight I can't-
3821 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 602 Michael To watch tonight
3822 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 602 Dwight Tonight.
3823 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 602 Michael We're watching it.
3824 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 602 Dwight Unfortunately, I've got plans. I have to go to practice. Soccer practice.
3825 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 602 Michael I didn't know you played soccer, Dwight.
3826 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 602 Dwight Clarinet.
3827 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 602 Michael You, too, Dwight?
3828 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 602 Dwight Have fun tonight! Whatever it is that you're doing, and I'll see you Monday. He has no idea!
3829 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 603 Jim Quick announcement everybody, if I could have everybody's attention. We do have wine in the kitchen, and, uh, there is beer available on the porch and despite what you might think, it's not all for Meredith and Kelly, so please enjoy.
3830 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 603 Dwight Jim! You really think this is a good idea, huh? A hide-a-key rock?
3831 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 603 Mark Hey, you must be Dwight!
3832 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 603 Dwight You don't work with us.
3833 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 603 Jim That's because Mark's my roommate.
3834 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 603 Mark Hey, I love the Birkenstocks.
3835 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 603 Dwight Thanks. Yeah, I always keep an extra set in the car, for special occasions. Jim, come here.
3836 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 603 Jim Uh hmm.
3837 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 603 Dwight When is the guest of honor coming?
3838 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 603 Jim Oh, uh, later-ish.
3839 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 603 Dwight He's gonna love it!
3840 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 603 Jim Great. Just wanna let you guys know that we will be taking the tour like I promised-
3841 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 603 Pam Hey.
3842 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 603 Jim Hey! Just in time! You wanna go on the group tour? We were just about to leave.
3843 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 603 Pam Definitely.
3844 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 603 Jim Well, the group tour is now leaving, then. Ladies and gentlemen, just a few things that we are gonna be pointing out to you today, you will be able to see both bedrooms and, uh, if we're lucky, maybe get a chance to peek into the bathroom, who knows. I have to remind you that flash photography is prohibited and as much as you can, please refrain from touching things. I know you might want to.
3845 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 603 Ryan Hey, is Katy coming?
3846 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 603 Jim Uh, actually, I haven't talked to her in a while.
3847 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 603 Ryan Huh, is it ok if I call her?
3848 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 603 Jim We can talk about that later.
3849 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 604 Improv Teacher Ok, let's get right into it. I need two people for the first scene.
3850 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 604 Michael Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooo, Mr. Cart-air, Mr. Cart-air.
3851 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 604 Improv Teacher Ok, Michael. And... anybody? How about Mary-Beth? Come on. Ok, so you start us off Mary-Beth.
3852 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 604 Mary-Beth Great. La la la la la laaa...
3853 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 604 Michael Boom! Detective Michael Scarn. I'm with the FBI.
3854 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 605 Michael Think about this; what is the most exciting thing that can happen, on TV, or in movies, or in real life? Somebody has a gun. That's why I always start with a gun, because you can't top it, you just can't.
3855 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 606 Girl acting Pregnant I'm supposed to meet my doctor here? Have ya seen him? He's a very angry midget.
3856 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 606 Michael Boom! Freeze! Michael Scoon, FBI. You know what you did. Boom! Boom! Boom! Yeah, you thought that you could get away with your little ruse, didn't you? Didn't ya!? Well, you didn't, because I know where ya hid the diamonds. I been on to you and your little friends for weeks. Boom! Boom! Boom!
3857 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 606 Actor I'm not even in the scene!
3858 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 606 Actress Again!?
3859 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 606 Michael Boom! Boom!
3860 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 606 Improv Teacher Stop, stop, ok, stop.
3861 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 606 Michael Boom! Boom!
3862 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 606 Improv Teacher You shot me, great. Now stop.
3863 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 606 Michael Why
3864 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 606 Improv Teacher You can't just shoot everyone in the scene.
3865 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 606 Michael Well, if you hadn't stopped the scene, you would have seen where it was going.
3866 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 606 Improv Teacher Ok, what about the scene they set up?
3867 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 606 Michael Boring.
3868 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 606 Improv Teacher No, it wasn't. No more guns.
3869 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 606 Michael I could of-
3870 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 606 Improv Teacher No. No. Michael, I want you to give me all the guns you have.
3871 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 606 Michael Ok.
3872 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 606 Improv Teacher Just, I want you to get rid of all your guns and give them to me. Great.
3873 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 606 Michael Yehhhehh.
3874 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 606 Improv Teacher Yeeehh, ok.
3875 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 607 Pam Jim's bedroom.
3876 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 607 Jim See, I knew we lost somebody on the tour. It's-
3877 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 607 Pam Cool... This is your desk.
3878 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 607 Jim This is my desk.
3879 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 607 Pam Your home office?
3880 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 607 Jim My home office, this is it.
3881 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 607 Pam Down. You have to sit down so I can get the full effect.
3882 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 607 Jim Ok, sure. Will do.
3883 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 607 Pam Ok, wait, so that would make me like right here.
3884 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 607 Jim Yeah, that... Yep, that feels about right.
3885 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 607 Pam And Dwight would be like-
3886 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 607 Jim You know what? Let's just leave that image out of it, because this is a happy place. Happy thoughts, Pam. Happy thoughts.
3887 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 607 Pam Umm, yearbook!
3888 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 607 Jim Yeah, you don't have to, ummm. Alright, yes, that's not gonna be awkward at all.
3889 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 607 Pam Ooooohhh no!
3890 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 607 Jim Oh yeah.
3891 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 607 Pam You were so dorky!
3892 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 607 Jim Thank you.
3893 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 608 Improv Teacher Freeze!
3894 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 608 Michael I'm in.
3895 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 608 Improv Teacher You wanna go over the rules one more time?
3896 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 608 Michael No, no, no. I'm looking in my wallet for money so you can tell me my fortune.
3897 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 608 Bill I promise it's worthit . Ooo, I can see you walking out of here and you're thrilled with your reading.
3898 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 608 Michael What are you...
3899 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 608 Improv Teacher Michael, what did you tell him?
3900 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 608 Michael Nothing.
3901 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 608 Improv Teacher Then why are his hands up? Bill?
3902 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 608 Bill He told me he couldn't show it to me, but he has a gun.
3903 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 608 Improv Teacher Ok, let's call it a day. Nice job, Bill.
3904 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 608 Michael Good, it's good. Good work, everybody.
3905 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 609 Jim Angela, burger? Dog? Havin' fun?
3906 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 609 Angela I got sap on me.
3907 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 609 Jim Chicken, hot dog, burger.
3908 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 609 Angela I'm a vegetarian.
3909 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 609 Jim There is soda inside.
3910 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 609 Angela Guh.
3911 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 610 Stanley I didn't think the premium laser color copy batch would sell as well as it did.
3912 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 610 Oscar Yeah, it surprised us all. I'll tell you why. Because when they---
3913 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 610 Kelly I'm sorry guys; can we please not talk about paper? There's gotta be something else we can talk about.
3914 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 611 Angela I think it's alright. Jesus drank wine.
3915 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 611 Pam Hey Phyllis, come here for a second.
3916 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 611 Phyllis Sure.
3917 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 611 Pam Have you heard anything about any secret office romances?
3918 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 611 Phyllis You tell me. Well, you do mean you and Jim right? Oh God. I am so sorry, I thought, you guys hang out all the time and you're talking all the time. I'm sorry!
3919 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 611 Pam That's ok. It's ok.
3920 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 612 Kevin Not so fast... Fire Guy.
3921 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 613 Mary-Beth How do I get to Bernie's Tavern from here?
3922 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 613 Bill Oh, don't worry. We're all gonna carpool.
3923 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 613 Michael So Bernie's, huh? We're all going to Bernie's? Go to Bernie's?
3924 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 613 Bill Oh sorry, we're not going as a group, it's just a private friend who just happens to know all of us from different ways is throwing a private birthday thing.
3925 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 613 Michael Right, right, right. Well guys, I'd love to go to Bernie's with you, but, you know, I have an office party. A big office party I need to go to, so... Can't get out of it.
3926 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 613 Bill Ok.
3927 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 613 Michael Ok, see you later. Nice job, Bill. Not.
3928 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 614 Phyllis Here I go again on my own. Going down the only road I've ever known...
3929 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 614 Jim Oh by the way how's your side project going?
3930 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 614 Pam Oh, yeah I gave that up.
3931 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 614 Jim Really?
3932 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 614 Pam Yeah, it turns out I was, um, just grasping at straws.
3933 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 615 Pam Just because two people are hanging out, it doesn't mean that they're together, you know? Like people can just be friends. And I think that it was really unfair to think that there was anything else going on.
3934 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 616 Kevin Just turn around now, cause you're not welcome anymore.
3935 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 616 Dwight Surprise! Everybody!
3936 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 616 Phyllis Dwight...
3937 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 616 Michael Wow! Who opened the morgue for this thing? I'm just driving by, thought I'd drop in. There's some wine. I would love a glass, if you're gonna open it. Here ya go Temp, take my jacket! Oh, come on! That guy? He is a good guy, not a terrorist. Karaoke, I love it! I am a karaoke fiend. I call dibs. I got next, I got next up. Come on, let's get this party started, ha! Ok? Where's that wine?
3938 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 617 Michael Ok, yeah, this is a duet, so, need somebody else, Pam? You wanna come up and sing this one? Need somebody else. Takers, please. Baby when I met you there was peace unknown. Kelly? Tried to get you with a fine tooth comb. I was soft inside, there was something goin' on. This part goes to the, uh, girl. You do something to me that I can't explain. Hold me closer and I feel no pain. In every beat of my heart, we got something goin' on. Tender love is blind---
3939 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 617 Michael, Jim It requires a dedication, all this love we feel needs no conversation. Divided, together, uh huh. Making love with each other, uh huh.
3940 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 617 Michael We're making love!
3941 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 617 Michael, Jim Islands in the stream, that is what we are, no one in between, how can we be wrong? Sail away with me...
3942 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 618 Michael Talk! Just talk!
3943 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 618 Mary-Beth I am-
3944 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 618 Michael Shut up!
3945 2 9 E-Mail Surveillance 619 Michael Funny story: the way that I got into improv was, I got into improv. The story about me getting into improv was that I was walking down the street, and a race car pulls up, and the guy says "Hey you're funny, you're the funniest guy I've ever seen, or my name is not Dale Earnhardt." And that was an improv. Um, the real way is that I found a flyer.
3946 2 10 Christmas Party 620 Dwight Go. Get the door.
3947 2 10 Christmas Party 620 Michael Here we are.
3948 2 10 Christmas Party 620 Dwight Go. Push!
3949 2 10 Christmas Party 620 Michael Oh god.
3950 2 10 Christmas Party 620 Dwight Push!
3951 2 10 Christmas Party 620 Michael No, no, turn it around.
3952 2 10 Christmas Party 620 Dwight Really shove it.
3953 2 10 Christmas Party 620 Michael You'll break it.
3954 2 10 Christmas Party 620 Dwight Shove it through! Break it!
3955 2 10 Christmas Party 620 Michael You shove it. Shove it back! Here we go. Don't break the branches, Dwight.
3956 2 10 Christmas Party 620 Michael All right.
3957 2 10 Christmas Party 620 Dwight I got a splinter.
3958 2 10 Christmas Party 620 Michael Well, suck it up. We all have problems. Hey, everybody, look what we have! Nice, huh?
3959 2 10 Christmas Party 620 Dwight I've got it leveraged. Push. Straight up.
3960 2 10 Christmas Party 620 Michael On three. Ready? Big, one, two, three.
3961 2 10 Christmas Party 620 Dwight One, two, three.
3962 2 10 Christmas Party 620 Michael Merry Christmas!
3963 2 10 Christmas Party 621 Michael Did it work?
3964 2 10 Christmas Party 621 Kevin Well, sort of. Why did you get it so big?
3965 2 10 Christmas Party 621 Michael A, that's what she said, and B, I wanted it to be impressive. The biggest day of the year deserves the biggest tree of the year.
3966 2 10 Christmas Party 621 Kevin But what are we going to do with this hacked off part?
3967 2 10 Christmas Party 621 Michael Well, that is a perfectly good mini-tree, Kevin. And we are going to sell that to charity. That's what Christmas is all about.
3968 2 10 Christmas Party 622 Jim So this year, for the first time ever, I got Pam in Secret Santa. And I got her this teapot, which I know she really wants, so she can make tea at her desk. But I'm also going to stuff it with some inside jokes. Like, this is my high school yearbook photo. She saw it at the party, and it really makes her laugh. Not sure why. What else .. ooh. This is a hot sauce packet. She put this on a hot dog a couple years ago because she thought it was ketchup. And it was really funny, so I kept the other two. This would take a little too long to explain, so I won't. And this is the card. Because Christmas is the time to tell people how you feel.
3969 2 10 Christmas Party 623 Angela Is there anything we're missing? Phyllis, you got the lights?
3970 2 10 Christmas Party 623 Phyllis Yes, I got those cute little ones. Do you think I should have gotten the big ones?
3971 2 10 Christmas Party 623 Angela We'll see.
3972 2 10 Christmas Party 624 Ryan Angela drafted me into the party planning committee. Her memo said that we need to prepare for every possible disaster. Which to me seems excessive.
3973 2 10 Christmas Party 625 Michael Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho, pimp. I'm kidding. What do we got, what do we got? How many plates are we getting?
3974 2 10 Christmas Party 625 Angela Fifty.
3975 2 10 Christmas Party 625 Michael Double it. Double everything. Double ice cream. Double napkins. Double it. On me.
3976 2 10 Christmas Party 626 Michael It was a tough year. I had to fire somebody this year. This party has to really rock. Check it out. Christmas bonus. 3,000 G's. I got this for helping save the company money. So I guess some good came out of firing Devon after all. Maybe I should call him and tell him that.
3977 2 10 Christmas Party 627 Michael I want people to cut loose. I want people making out in closets. I want people hanging from the ceilings, lamp shades on the heads. I want it to be a Playboy Mansion party. And also, I want you to spread the word that I will have my digital camera. And I'll be taking pictures all along the way. And the best and craziest thing that happens will be on the cover of the newsletter. Incentive.
3978 2 10 Christmas Party 627 Pam You do realize that we can't serve liquor at the party.
3979 2 10 Christmas Party 627 Michael Yeah, I know. Damn it. Stupid corporate wet blankets. Like booze ever killed anybody.
3980 2 10 Christmas Party 628 Kevin, Oscar One, two, three.
3981 2 10 Christmas Party 628 Dwight You guys should use a hand truck.
3982 2 10 Christmas Party 628 Kevin Do we have one?
3983 2 10 Christmas Party 628 Dwight No.
3984 2 10 Christmas Party 629 Angela Will you help me?
3985 2 10 Christmas Party 630 Michael No! No way! It... no.
3986 2 10 Christmas Party 630 Darryl Come on, Mike, let me borrow the hat for just a couple of hours.
3987 2 10 Christmas Party 630 Michael You wanna be Santa?
3988 2 10 Christmas Party 630 Darryl Yeah.
3989 2 10 Christmas Party 630 Michael Have you ever seen Santa?
3990 2 10 Christmas Party 630 Darryl Yeah, I've seen Santa.
3991 2 10 Christmas Party 630 Michael Okay.
3992 2 10 Christmas Party 630 Darryl Who cares?
3993 2 10 Christmas Party 630 Michael Well, I'm sorry. It just doesn't work.
3994 2 10 Christmas Party 630 Dwight Michael, I would like to be the elf.
3995 2 10 Christmas Party 630 Michael That makes sense because he has elfish features.
3996 2 10 Christmas Party 631 Dwight Okay, everybody listen up! It is time to get your presents, wrap them, and place them under the tree like so. If you do not get your present wrapped and under the tree within the next five minutes you will be disqualified from Secret Santa. All right? No exceptions except Michael.
3997 2 10 Christmas Party 632 Toby I got Angela. She is into these posters of babies dressed as adults. I got her one of those. I felt kind of weird buying that.
3998 2 10 Christmas Party 633 Oscar I got Creed. And to tell you the truth, I don't know anything about Creed. I know his name's Creed. I know he works right over there. I think he's Irish and I .. I got him this shamrock keychain.
3999 2 10 Christmas Party 634 Kevin I got myself for Secret Santa. I was supposed to tell somebody, but I didn't .
4000 2 10 Christmas Party 635 Michael You get something good this year?
4001 2 10 Christmas Party 635 Jim I think I did a pretty good job.
4002 2 10 Christmas Party 635 Michael Yeah? Who did you have?
4003 2 10 Christmas Party 635 Jim Well, I can't tell you cause it's a secret.
4004 2 10 Christmas Party 635 Michael I think I got something pretty nice for my guy.
4005 2 10 Christmas Party 635 Jim Yeah?
4006 2 10 Christmas Party 635 Michael I spent a lot of dough. Lot of dough. Wow.
4007 2 10 Christmas Party 635 Jim Well, there's a $20 limit, right? So .. ?
4008 2 10 Christmas Party 635 Michael Yeah. I wanted this party to be really special so I sorta went above and beyond.
4009 2 10 Christmas Party 635 Jim That's great. Well don't tell me who it is, cause I can ..
4010 2 10 Christmas Party 635 Michael It was Ryan. Yeah. I have Ryan.
4011 2 10 Christmas Party 636 Dwight Gather round. Secret Santa, let's go. Let's go. Come on. Stanley, no, I'm going to handle the cord. Okay, safety reasons.
4012 2 10 Christmas Party 636 Stanley I know how to plug something in.
4013 2 10 Christmas Party 636 Dwight I want to do it.
4014 2 10 Christmas Party 636 Michael All right, let's count it down, like Rockefeller Center. Ready?
4015 2 10 Christmas Party 636 All Three, two, one.
4016 2 10 Christmas Party 636 Michael Not great.
4017 2 10 Christmas Party 636 Phyllis I'm sorry, everybody.
4018 2 10 Christmas Party 636 Pam I think the tree looks nice.
4019 2 10 Christmas Party 636 Dwight Hey, I could get some flares from my car.
4020 2 10 Christmas Party 636 Michael No, no. Shake it off, everybody. Just, let's do Secret Santa.
4021 2 10 Christmas Party 637 Michael Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It's like this tangible thing that you can point to and say, "Hey, man, I love you this many dollars worth."
4022 2 10 Christmas Party 638 Dwight First present, Oscar.
4023 2 10 Christmas Party 638 Oscar Shower radio. Neat.
4024 2 10 Christmas Party 638 Kelly Oh, good, that was from me.
4025 2 10 Christmas Party 638 Oscar Thanks, Kelly. You know I was gonna get one of ..
4026 2 10 Christmas Party 638 Dwight Okay. Okay. That's enough. Let's keep it moving on. Jim.
4027 2 10 Christmas Party 638 Jim Oh, cool.
4028 2 10 Christmas Party 638 Creed That's from me.
4029 2 10 Christmas Party 638 Jim Great. Where did you get it?
4030 2 10 Christmas Party 638 Creed I don't know. It was so long ago.
4031 2 10 Christmas Party 639 Jim He obviously forgot to get me something, and then he went in his closet and dug out this little number and then threw it in a bag.
4032 2 10 Christmas Party 640 Creed Yep. That's exactly what happened.
4033 2 10 Christmas Party 641 Dwight Pam.
4034 2 10 Christmas Party 641 Pam Oh, my god! Thank you very much, Santa, whoever you are. It's awesome.
4035 2 10 Christmas Party 641 Jim There's a little more to it.
4036 2 10 Christmas Party 641 Dwight All right, next. Ryan.
4037 2 10 Christmas Party 641 Michael No, don't!
4038 2 10 Christmas Party 641 Ryan Whoa, a video iPod.
4039 2 10 Christmas Party 641 Michael Whoa. Wow. Jeez. Somebody really got carried away with the spirit of Christmas. That was me, I got a little carried away.
4040 2 10 Christmas Party 641 Ryan Wasn't there a $20 limit on the gift? This is 400 bucks.
4041 2 10 Christmas Party 641 Michael You don't know that.
4042 2 10 Christmas Party 641 Ryan Yeah, you left the price tag on.
4043 2 10 Christmas Party 641 Michael I did?
4044 2 10 Christmas Party 641 Ryan Yeah.
4045 2 10 Christmas Party 641 Michael What? Oh, shoot. Wow. Okay, well, who cares? It doesn't matter what I spent. What matters is that Christmas is fun, right?
4046 2 10 Christmas Party 641 Dwight Michael.
4047 2 10 Christmas Party 641 Michael Oh hey, for me. What is in here? Oh, come on.
4048 2 10 Christmas Party 641 Phyllis I knitted it for you.
4049 2 10 Christmas Party 641 Michael An oven mitt? Okay.
4050 2 10 Christmas Party 642 Michael So Phyllis is basically saying, "Hey Michael, I know you did a lot to help the office this year but I only care about you a homemade oven mitt's worth." I gave Ryan an iPod.
4051 2 10 Christmas Party 643 Kevin Should we just keep opening up the presents?
4052 2 10 Christmas Party 643 Dwight We don't do anything until Michael gives us further instructions.
4053 2 10 Christmas Party 643 Michael I got it! We are going to turn Secret Santa into Yankee Swap.
4054 2 10 Christmas Party 643 Jim What is Yankee Swap?
4055 2 10 Christmas Party 643 Michael One person chooses a gift. The next person can either choose a gift or steal that person's gift. If your gift gets stolen, then you can steal somebody else's gift or choose a new gift.
4056 2 10 Christmas Party 643 Jim I thought that was called Nasty Christmas.
4057 2 10 Christmas Party 643 Pam Yeah, we call it White Elephant.
4058 2 10 Christmas Party 643 Michael Well, I call it fun!
4059 2 10 Christmas Party 643 Oscar Why are we doing this?
4060 2 10 Christmas Party 643 Michael Because it's better. Because it's more special.
4061 2 10 Christmas Party 643 Angela It sounds mean.
4062 2 10 Christmas Party 643 Michael Shut it. No, it's not. Okay, just give it a shot.
4063 2 10 Christmas Party 644 Angela Michael should have asked the party planning committee first. He's not supposed to just spring things on us out of nowhere.
4064 2 10 Christmas Party 645 Michael Okay, Meredith is up first. Here's the deal. You can either pick a new gift or you can steal somebody else's gift that they've already gotten, like the oven mitt.
4065 2 10 Christmas Party 645 Meredith I'll take the teapot.
4066 2 10 Christmas Party 645 Jim Oh, shouldn't we ... I bought that specifically for Pam.
4067 2 10 Christmas Party 645 Michael Yankee Swap! That's what makes it fun. Pam, you can steal the oven mitt now.
4068 2 10 Christmas Party 645 Pam I'll take the iPod.
4069 2 10 Christmas Party 645 Ryan And I have to give it to her? I don't have a choice?
4070 2 10 Christmas Party 645 Dwight Yes, now you can steal the oven mitt, the old shirt or the shower radio or pick a new gift.
4071 2 10 Christmas Party 645 Stanley That was meant for Kelly.
4072 2 10 Christmas Party 645 Ryan Yeah, I figured.
4073 2 10 Christmas Party 645 Michael I think this is going great.
4074 2 10 Christmas Party 646 Kelly Yikes.
4075 2 10 Christmas Party 646 Toby Well, it's for Angela, so ..
4076 2 10 Christmas Party 646 Kelly That's like, the creepiest thing that I've ever seen.
4077 2 10 Christmas Party 646 Dwight Angela, you're up.
4078 2 10 Christmas Party 646 Angela I'll take the poster. Some people like these.
4079 2 10 Christmas Party 646 Kelly I will steal the iPod.
4080 2 10 Christmas Party 647 Michael Everyone wants the iPod. It's a huge hit. It is almost a Christmas miracle.
4081 2 10 Christmas Party 648 Michael Oh, well, Oscar, you little gourmand, you have the next turn.
4082 2 10 Christmas Party 648 Oscar I'll take the ... teapot.
4083 2 10 Christmas Party 648 Meredith Damn it.
4084 2 10 Christmas Party 648 Dwight Okay, moving along. Meredith, let's go.
4085 2 10 Christmas Party 648 Meredith I really want the iPod.
4086 2 10 Christmas Party 648 Dwight It's already been stolen this round. Pick something else.
4087 2 10 Christmas Party 648 Michael I hope nobody takes this baby, cause this is great. Wow, look at that fine craftsmanship. Somebody really put a lot of work into that. It's beautiful.
4088 2 10 Christmas Party 648 Meredith I'll take the oven mitt.
4089 2 10 Christmas Party 648 Michael Sucker! See, I wanted somebody to take it. Boom! Reverse psychology.
4090 2 10 Christmas Party 649 Michael Reverse psychology is an awesome tool. I don't know if you guys know about it, but basically you make someone think the opposite of what you believe and that tricks them into doing something stupid. Works like a charm.
4091 2 10 Christmas Party 650 Michael "In addition to these paintball pellets, your gift includes two paintball lessons with Dwight Schrute."
4092 2 10 Christmas Party 650 Dwight You and me, Michael. Yes!
4093 2 10 Christmas Party 650 Michael Who wants to take paintball lessons? How is that better than an iPod?
4094 2 10 Christmas Party 650 Dwight I never said it was better than an iPod.
4095 2 10 Christmas Party 651 Dwight Michael keeps bragging about his iPod, but you know what? Two paintball lessons with someone as experienced as I am is worth easily, like, 2 grand.
4096 2 10 Christmas Party 652 Dwight Take that, Saddam!
4097 2 10 Christmas Party 653 Michael Last gift. Kevin.
4098 2 10 Christmas Party 653 Kevin I want the foot bath.
4099 2 10 Christmas Party 654 Kevin That's the thing I bought myself. I'm really psyched to use it. Maybe I should have taken the iPod. Oh, shoot.
4100 2 10 Christmas Party 655 Dwight Pam, steal something or pick the final gift.
4101 2 10 Christmas Party 655 Pam I want the iPod.
4102 2 10 Christmas Party 655 Kelly Damn it.
4103 2 10 Christmas Party 655 Jim Sure you don't want the teapot?
4104 2 10 Christmas Party 655 Pam Well, I mean, it's an iPod. But ..
4105 2 10 Christmas Party 655 Jim Right.
4106 2 10 Christmas Party 655 Pam Sorry, I ..
4107 2 10 Christmas Party 655 Jim No. No. Definitely. It's ..
4108 2 10 Christmas Party 655 Kelly Okay, well, I guess I will take that book of short stories.
4109 2 10 Christmas Party 655 Dwight Yes! There you go. I want the teapot. Gracias.
4110 2 10 Christmas Party 655 Jim Got to be kidding me.
4111 2 10 Christmas Party 656 Dwight Yankee Swap is like Machiavelli meets ... Christmas.
4112 2 10 Christmas Party 657 Michael What is she so upset about?
4113 2 10 Christmas Party 657 Pam Maybe because you hated her present so much.
4114 2 10 Christmas Party 657 Michael Come on! I think that Yankee Swap was a big hit! I think it's a success and I'm the one who ended up with Dwight's stupid paintball pellets.
4115 2 10 Christmas Party 657 Jim Yeah, but, Michael, the point is that we all bought gifts for specific people.
4116 2 10 Christmas Party 657 Stanley And you should have just bought a $20 gift like everyone else.
4117 2 10 Christmas Party 657 Michael Well, I didn't. I got a big bonus because I fired Devon, and I used the money to buy something awesome. Sue me!
4118 2 10 Christmas Party 657 Oscar You got a bonus check?
4119 2 10 Christmas Party 657 Pam How much?
4120 2 10 Christmas Party 657 Michael It wasn't. It wasn't that much. It was $3,000.
4121 2 10 Christmas Party 657 Stanley All right, I'm done now.
4122 2 10 Christmas Party 658 Michael Unbelievable. I do the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for these people and they freak out. Well, happy birthday, Jesus. Sorry your party's so lame.
4123 2 10 Christmas Party 659 Liquor Store Clerk It comes to $166.41.
4124 2 10 Christmas Party 659 Michael All right, now, you're the expert. Is this enough to get 20 people plastered?
4125 2 10 Christmas Party 659 Liquor Store Clerk Fifteen bottles of vodka? Yeah, that should do it.
4126 2 10 Christmas Party 659 Michael Cool, cool. Box it up.
4127 2 10 Christmas Party 660 Jim I bought this teapot for Pam, and I know she really wants it. So, can I trade you for it?
4128 2 10 Christmas Party 660 Dwight No trades.
4129 2 10 Christmas Party 660 Jim Come on, it's a shamrock keychain. Good luck.
4130 2 10 Christmas Party 660 Jim Look, it has sentimental value, Dwight. Can I buy it from you?
4131 2 10 Christmas Party 660 Dwight No. I want it. I'm going to use it.
4132 2 10 Christmas Party 660 Jim You don't even drink tea.
4133 2 10 Christmas Party 660 Dwight True. But I get sinus infections, and sinus infections can be cured by making your tea from green tea leaf stems ..
4134 2 10 Christmas Party 660 JIm Okay ..
4135 2 10 Christmas Party 660 Dwight .. and pouring it directly into your nose, like so.
4136 2 10 Christmas Party 661 Jim To think that my gift for Pam will be used for that, it's a little too much to handle.
4137 2 10 Christmas Party 662 Roy This is awesome.
4138 2 10 Christmas Party 662 Pam I know. It's totally going to change the way I work out.
4139 2 10 Christmas Party 662 Roy Yeah, I was gonna get you one of these for Christmas, and now I don't have to. I'm gonna save a ton of money.
4140 2 10 Christmas Party 662 Pam So what are you going to get me instead?
4141 2 10 Christmas Party 662 Roy I don't know. Probably like, a sweater or something.
4142 2 10 Christmas Party 663 Michael Uh-oh. Looks like Santa was a little naughty.
4143 2 10 Christmas Party 663 Angela What is that?
4144 2 10 Christmas Party 663 Michael This is Christmas spirit, as in spirits, booze.
4145 2 10 Christmas Party 663 Meredith We can drink?
4146 2 10 Christmas Party 663 Toby We're really not supposed to serve alcohol.
4147 2 10 Christmas Party 663 Michael Zip it, Toby! Just .. I mean, it's a party. Come on. If I can't throw a good party for my employees, then I am a terrible boss. Who wants a drink?
4148 2 10 Christmas Party 663 Meredith Me. Please.
4149 2 10 Christmas Party 663 Michael Go, here we go!
4150 2 10 Christmas Party 664 Meredith The deal is that this is my last hurrah, cause I made a New Year's resolution that I'm not going to drink anymore. During the week.
4151 2 10 Christmas Party 665 Phyllis Hi guys.
4152 2 10 Christmas Party 665 Ryan Hey.
4153 2 10 Christmas Party 665 Phyllis Does everybody know my boyfriend, Bob Vance?
4154 2 10 Christmas Party 665 Kevin Kevin Malone.
4155 2 10 Christmas Party 665 Bob Vance Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.
4156 2 10 Christmas Party 665 Stanley Stanley Hudson.
4157 2 10 Christmas Party 665 Bob Vance Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.
4158 2 10 Christmas Party 665 Ryan Ryan Howard.
4159 2 10 Christmas Party 665 Bob Vance Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.
4160 2 10 Christmas Party 665 Ryan What line of work you in, Bob?
4161 2 10 Christmas Party 666 Roy I think after I lost Culpepper and T.O it was over, man.
4162 2 10 Christmas Party 666 Darryl Oh, yeah, I need McMahon, Deion Branch to have big games or else I'm done.
4163 2 10 Christmas Party 666 Roy It's possible. I can't believe you traded Shaun Alexander, man.
4164 2 10 Christmas Party 666 Darryl I had to. I needed defense.
4165 2 10 Christmas Party 666 Roy Come on! Shaun Alexander? He's the best back in the league.
4166 2 10 Christmas Party 666 Darryl It's defense.
4167 2 10 Christmas Party 666 Roy Oh, no. That is not worth it.
4168 2 10 Christmas Party 666 Darryl It is worth it.
4169 2 10 Christmas Party 666 Roy Never.
4170 2 10 Christmas Party 666 Darryl Are you kidding? You wait.
4171 2 10 Christmas Party 667 Michael Anybody making out in here? Not yet, give it time. Oh, hey, Ebenezer, boink. Okay, how's it going in here?
4172 2 10 Christmas Party 667 Ryan We're running low on cups. Do you want me to just run out and get some?
4173 2 10 Christmas Party 667 Angela There should be some ..
4174 2 10 Christmas Party 667 Michael No, no, no, no. We'll find some, don't leave the party.
4175 2 10 Christmas Party 668 Phyllis, Meredith, Michael, Kevin One, two, three.
4176 2 10 Christmas Party 668 Michael Kudos to Ryan, king of the party committee.
4177 2 10 Christmas Party 668 Ryan Oh, no.
4178 2 10 Christmas Party 668 Michael Yeah, yeah, yeah.
4179 2 10 Christmas Party 668 Ryan I really did not do anything.
4180 2 10 Christmas Party 668 Michael Oh, no, no. No false modesty, my friend.
4181 2 10 Christmas Party 669 Jim You know, you don't have to answer calls during a party. Just thought you should know.
4182 2 10 Christmas Party 669 Pam No, I was just checking out my present.
4183 2 10 Christmas Party 669 Jim But ..
4184 2 10 Christmas Party 669 Pam I traded with Dwight. Just, I figured, you know, you went to a lot of trouble and it means a lot. And also, Roy got me an iPod or was going to get me an iPod, so ..
4185 2 10 Christmas Party 669 Jim Well, either way. This is an amazing gift because it comes with bonus gifts. Look inside.
4186 2 10 Christmas Party 669 Pam Oh my god! The yearbook picture!
4187 2 10 Christmas Party 670 Pam Yeah, I think I made the right choice.
4188 2 10 Christmas Party 671 Pam Oh, my God! It's incredible. Is this the Boggle timer?
4189 2 10 Christmas Party 671 Jim I didn't think you were going to get that one. I really didn't.
4190 2 10 Christmas Party 672 Dwight This is so awesome.
4191 2 10 Christmas Party 672 Michael Not bad. And if it couldn't go to Ryan, you are the guy I'd want it to go to.
4192 2 10 Christmas Party 672 Dwight Thank you.
4193 2 10 Christmas Party 672 Michael You're welcome.
4194 2 10 Christmas Party 672 Todd Packer Merry Christmas, asswipe!
4195 2 10 Christmas Party 672 Michael No way. Oh, you're kidding me. Packer! Yes! Todd Packer, ladies and gentlemen!
4196 2 10 Christmas Party 672 Todd Packer What's up my nerds. Check it out.
4197 2 10 Christmas Party 672 Michael Oh, no, no. Oh look at that. Icing on the cake.
4198 2 10 Christmas Party 672 Todd Packer Pacman need a drinky.
4199 2 10 Christmas Party 672 Michael Oh, let's fix you up. Who wants to fix up .. Toby. Toby's gonna fix you up.
4200 2 10 Christmas Party 673 Kevin Yeahhh.
4201 2 10 Christmas Party 674 Michael Darryl. There you go. You earned it.
4202 2 10 Christmas Party 674 Darryl That's okay, Mike.
4203 2 10 Christmas Party 674 Michael No, no, no, no. I really, really want you to have it.
4204 2 10 Christmas Party 674 Darryl All right. Thanks, man.
4205 2 10 Christmas Party 674 Michael Hey, Merry Christmas.
4206 2 10 Christmas Party 675 Ryan Whose butt is that?
4207 2 10 Christmas Party 675 Kevin Mine.
4208 2 10 Christmas Party 675 Ryan Oh, how did I not guess that?
4209 2 10 Christmas Party 676 Michael Lampshade on head! It's happening!
4210 2 10 Christmas Party 677 Creed Oh, no.
4211 2 10 Christmas Party 678 Kelly Hey.
4212 2 10 Christmas Party 678 Dwight Oh, hello there. But what are you doing?
4213 2 10 Christmas Party 678 Kelly I don't know.
4214 2 10 Christmas Party 678 Dwight You shouldn't do things like that. The man is supposed to do that.
4215 2 10 Christmas Party 679 Kevin Thanks for the party, Michael.
4216 2 10 Christmas Party 679 Meredith Yeah.
4217 2 10 Christmas Party 679 Bob Vance Oh, hey. Listen up. We're going to Poor Richard's. Who's in?
4218 2 10 Christmas Party 679 Oscar I'm in.
4219 2 10 Christmas Party 679 Dwight Yes.
4220 2 10 Christmas Party 679 Oscar Michael? Poor Richard's?
4221 2 10 Christmas Party 679 Michael Yeah, that sounds good.
4222 2 10 Christmas Party 680 Michael Christmas is awesome. First of all, you get to spend time with people you love. Secondly, you can get drunk and no one can say anything. Third, you give presents. What's better than giving presents? And fourth, getting presents. So, four things. Not bad for one day. It's really the greatest day of all time.
4223 2 10 Christmas Party 681 Michael Hey, Meredith. Heading over to Poor Richard's?
4224 2 10 Christmas Party 681 Meredith Yep.
4225 2 10 Christmas Party 681 Michael Cool, cool, cool. Do you need a ride? All right, let's head out. Sounds good. Do you have a coat?
4226 2 10 Christmas Party 681 Meredith Yeah.
4227 2 10 Christmas Party 681 Michael Okay!
4228 2 11 Booze Cruise 682 Jim Hey.
4229 2 11 Booze Cruise 682 Dwight Hello. Jim?
4230 2 11 Booze Cruise 682 Jim What's up, buddy?
4231 2 11 Booze Cruise 682 Dwight This is not funny. Why is my stuff in here?
4232 2 11 Booze Cruise 682 Jim Wow, that's weird. Oh, dollar for a stapler, that's pretty good.
4233 2 11 Booze Cruise 682 Dwight Yeah, well, I'm not paying for my own stuff, okay? I know you did this, because you're friends with the vending machine guy.
4234 2 11 Booze Cruise 682 Jim Who, Steve?
4235 2 11 Booze Cruise 682 Dwight Yeah, Steve, whatever his name is.
4236 2 11 Booze Cruise 682 Pam Sorry. What do I want? What do I want... Oh, it's a pencil cup.
4237 2 11 Booze Cruise 682 Dwight No, no, no, no, no. That's my pencil cup.
4238 2 11 Booze Cruise 682 Pam Um, I don't think so, I just bought it.
4239 2 11 Booze Cruise 682 Dwight Uh, I think so, and you're going to hand it over to me.
4240 2 11 Booze Cruise 682 Pam I love these.
4241 2 11 Booze Cruise 682 Dwight Okay, fine. Where's my wallet?
4242 2 11 Booze Cruise 682 Jim Oh, there it is. J1.
4243 2 11 Booze Cruise 682 Dwight But I don't have any...
4244 2 11 Booze Cruise 682 Jim Here, you know what? You can have some nickels.
4245 2 11 Booze Cruise 682 Dwight Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five...
4246 2 11 Booze Cruise 683 Michael Hello, everyone.
4247 2 11 Booze Cruise 683 Dwight Good morning, Michael.
4248 2 11 Booze Cruise 683 Phyllis Where are we going this afternoon?
4249 2 11 Booze Cruise 683 Michael Ah! Ha ha ha!
4250 2 11 Booze Cruise 684 Pam Last week, Michael sent out this mysterious memo.
4251 2 11 Booze Cruise 684 Jim "It's time for our first quarter camaraderie event, so pack a swimsuit, a toothbrush, rubber-soled shoes, and a ski mask."
4252 2 11 Booze Cruise 684 Pam A ski mask and a swimsuit.
4253 2 11 Booze Cruise 684 Jim So that he can have us rob a bank, and then escape through the sewers.
4254 2 11 Booze Cruise 684 Pam And brush our teeth.
4255 2 11 Booze Cruise 685 Michael Yeah?
4256 2 11 Booze Cruise 685 Stanley Michael.
4257 2 11 Booze Cruise 685 Michael Stanley! Bo banley.
4258 2 11 Booze Cruise 685 Stanley I need to know...
4259 2 11 Booze Cruise 685 Michael Banana fana fo fanley.
4260 2 11 Booze Cruise 685 Stanley What we're doing.
4261 2 11 Booze Cruise 685 Michael Be my mo manley.
4262 2 11 Booze Cruise 685 Stanley You said bring a toothbrush.
4263 2 11 Booze Cruise 685 Michael Stanley.
4264 2 11 Booze Cruise 685 Stanley Is this an overnight?
4265 2 11 Booze Cruise 685 Michael Maybe. The suspense is just so exciting, isn't it?
4266 2 11 Booze Cruise 685 Stanley Should my wife tell her boss she's not coming in tomorrow?
4267 2 11 Booze Cruise 685 Michael Maybe, I don't know.
4268 2 11 Booze Cruise 685 Stanley Not maybe. Yes or no.
4269 2 11 Booze Cruise 685 Michael Well, no. But... okay, don't spoil it for everybody, all right? But we are going on a booze cruise on Lake Wallenpaupack.
4270 2 11 Booze Cruise 685 Stanley In January?
4271 2 11 Booze Cruise 685 Michael It's cheaper.
4272 2 11 Booze Cruise 686 Michael This is not just another party. This is a leadership training exercise. Right? I'm going to combine elements of fun and motivation and education into a single mind-blowing experience.
4273 2 11 Booze Cruise 687 Michael It is now time to unveil the destination of this year's retreat. We are going on a harbor cruise of Lake Wallenpaupack. It's a booze cruise!
4274 2 11 Booze Cruise 687 Meredith All right!
4275 2 11 Booze Cruise 687 Ryan I have a test for business school tomorrow night. Is it okay if I skip the cruise and study for that?
4276 2 11 Booze Cruise 687 Michael No. This is mandatory. But don't worry, you know what? You're gonna learn plenty. This is gonna turn your life around, Ryan.
4277 2 11 Booze Cruise 687 Ryan I'm already in business school.
4278 2 11 Booze Cruise 687 Michael Well, this...
4279 2 11 Booze Cruise 687 Kelly Wait, Michael?
4280 2 11 Booze Cruise 687 Michael Yeah?
4281 2 11 Booze Cruise 687 Kelly Why did you tell us to bring a bathing suit?
4282 2 11 Booze Cruise 687 Michael To throw you off the scent.
4283 2 11 Booze Cruise 687 Kelly Yeah, but I bought a bathing suit.
4284 2 11 Booze Cruise 687 Michael Well, just keep the tags on and you can return it.
4285 2 11 Booze Cruise 687 Kelly I took the tags off already.
4286 2 11 Booze Cruise 687 Michael Well, that's not my fault, okay? Just.. we're not going to pay for a bathing suit. Okay, I know what you're all thinking, "Who is this smart little cookie?" Her name is Brenda... something, and she is from corporate. And she is here, like you, to learn from what I have to say.
4287 2 11 Booze Cruise 688 Michael I am a great motivational speaker. I attended a Tony Robbins event by the airport last year, and... it wasn't the actual course. You have to pay for the actual course. But it talked about the actual course. And I've incorporated a lot of his ideas into my own course.
4288 2 11 Booze Cruise 689 Michael Leader... ship. The word "ship" is hidden inside the word "leadership," as its derivation. So if this office is, in fact, a ship, as its leader, I am the captain. But we're all in the same boat. Teamwork!
4289 2 11 Booze Cruise 690 Oscar Last year, Michael's theme was "Bowl over the Competition!" So guess where we went.
4290 2 11 Booze Cruise 691 Michael Now, on this ship that is the office, what is a sales department? Anyone?
4291 2 11 Booze Cruise 691 Darryl How about the sales department is the sails?
4292 2 11 Booze Cruise 691 Michael Yes, Darryl, the sales department makes sales. Good. Let me just explain. I see the sales department as the furnace.
4293 2 11 Booze Cruise 691 Phyllis A furnace?
4294 2 11 Booze Cruise 691 Jim Yeesh, how old is this ship?
4295 2 11 Booze Cruise 691 Pam How about the anchor?
4296 2 11 Booze Cruise 691 Phyllis What does the furnace do?
4297 2 11 Booze Cruise 691 Michael All right, let's not get hung up on the furnace. This just... it's the sales... I see the sales department down there. They're in the engine room, and they are shoveling coal into the furnace, right? I mean, who saw the movie Titanic? They were very important in the movie Titanic. Who saw it? Show of hands!
4298 2 11 Booze Cruise 691 Jim I'm not really sure what movie you're talking about. Are you sure you got the title right?
4299 2 11 Booze Cruise 691 Michael Titanic?
4300 2 11 Booze Cruise 691 Pam I think you're thinking of The Hunt for Red October.
4301 2 11 Booze Cruise 691 Michael No, I'm Leo DiCaprio! Come on!
4302 2 11 Booze Cruise 692 Jim Michael stands in the front of the boat and says that he's king of the world within the first hour, or I give you my next paycheck.
4303 2 11 Booze Cruise 693 Phyllis Michael, everyone in the engine room drowned.
4304 2 11 Booze Cruise 693 Michael No! Thank you, spoiler alert. You saw the movie, those of you who did. They're happy down there in the furnace room. And they're dirty and grimy and sweaty, and they're singing their ethnic songs, and... actually, that might be warehouse.
4305 2 11 Booze Cruise 693 Darryl What?
4306 2 11 Booze Cruise 693 Michael The... no, no. No, I didn't... okay. Well, okay, in a nutshell, what I'm saying is... leadership. We'll talk more about that on the boat. Ship.
4307 2 11 Booze Cruise 693 Dwight Aye aye, Captain.
4308 2 11 Booze Cruise 694 Michael A three-hour tour, a three-hour tour.
4309 2 11 Booze Cruise 695 Michael Pam, you are Mary Ann! We have the Professor and Ginger, welcome aboard. Angela, you are Mrs. Howell. Lovey. Uh... the native. Sometimes they come from neighboring... We have one of the Globetrotters, I am the Skipper, and Dwight, you will be Gilligan.
4310 2 11 Booze Cruise 695 Dwight Cool.
4311 2 11 Booze Cruise 695 Captain Jack Actually, I'm the Skipper. But you can be Gilligan.
4312 2 11 Booze Cruise 695 Michael I'd rather die. Hi, I am Michael Scott, I am the captain of this party.
4313 2 11 Booze Cruise 695 Captain Jack I am Captain Jack, I am captain of the ship. I'm also captain of anyone who sets foot on the ship. Hi, welcome aboard.
4314 2 11 Booze Cruise 695 Michael Okay.
4315 2 11 Booze Cruise 696 Michael In an office, when you are ranking people, manager is higher than captain. On a boat, who knows? It's nebulose.
4316 2 11 Booze Cruise 697 Michael Hey, look! I'm king of the world!
4317 2 11 Booze Cruise 698 Captain Jack Okay, all right! Welcome aboard! I am your captain, Captain Jack.
4318 2 11 Booze Cruise 698 Michael And I am the regional manager of Dunder-Mifflin, Michael Scott. Welcome, welcome!
4319 2 11 Booze Cruise 698 Captain Jack Okay! So...
4320 2 11 Booze Cruise 698 Michael Okay! So...
4321 2 11 Booze Cruise 698 Captain Jack Please. The life preservers.
4322 2 11 Booze Cruise 698 Michael Right.
4323 2 11 Booze Cruise 698 Captain Jack They are located underneath the seats, all along the border of the boat.
4324 2 11 Booze Cruise 698 Michael But don't worry, you are not going to be needing life preservers tonight.
4325 2 11 Booze Cruise 698 Captain Jack Well, we might, okay? Please let me finish, okay? Thank you. So, the Coast Guard requires that I tell you where the safety exits are. On this ship, it's very easy. Anywhere over the side. Not only am I your ship captain, I am also your party captain! Whoo! We're gonna get it going in just a few minutes here...
4326 2 11 Booze Cruise 698 Michael I'm your party captain too! And you are gonna put on your dancing shoes later on! So we are gonna...
4327 2 11 Booze Cruise 698 Captain Jack Okay, Michael, if you don't mind...
4328 2 11 Booze Cruise 698 Michael Rock it!
4329 2 11 Booze Cruise 698 Captain Jack Please, okay?
4330 2 11 Booze Cruise 698 Michael If the boat's a-rockin', don't come knockin'!
4331 2 11 Booze Cruise 698 Captain Jack Michael.
4332 2 11 Booze Cruise 698 Michael Yep.
4333 2 11 Booze Cruise 698 Captain Jack Your company's employees are not the only people on the boat tonight, okay?
4334 2 11 Booze Cruise 698 Michael We're all gonna have a good time tonight!
4335 2 11 Booze Cruise 698 Captain Jack Why don't you let me and my crew do our job. You just sit back and have a good time. All right?
4336 2 11 Booze Cruise 698 Michael Hm? Okay. Yep.
4337 2 11 Booze Cruise 699 Katy You guys, it's like we're in high school and we're at the cool table. Right?
4338 2 11 Booze Cruise 699 Roy Yeah.
4339 2 11 Booze Cruise 699 Katy Pam, were you a cheerleader?
4340 2 11 Booze Cruise 699 Roy No, she was totally Miss Artsy-Fartsy in high school. She wore the turtleneck and everything!
4341 2 11 Booze Cruise 699 Katy That's hilarious.
4342 2 11 Booze Cruise 699 Jim It's not hilarious, but...
4343 2 11 Booze Cruise 699 Roy Where did you go to school?
4344 2 11 Booze Cruise 699 Katy Bishop O'Hara.
4345 2 11 Booze Cruise 699 Roy Piss slop who cares-a? We played you! You... you really look familiar. Did you... you cheered for them, didn't you?
4346 2 11 Booze Cruise 699 Jim Um, no.
4347 2 11 Booze Cruise 699 Katy Yes, I did! A-W-E-S-O-M-E! Awesome! Awesome is what we are! We're the football superstars! A-W-E-S-O-M-E!
4348 2 11 Booze Cruise 699 Roy I remember that! We crushed you like 42-10!
4349 2 11 Booze Cruise 700 Michael Having fun?
4350 2 11 Booze Cruise 700 Brenda Yeah. Everybody's really nice.
4351 2 11 Booze Cruise 700 Michael Good. Well, that is what Scranton is all about. Not like you New Yawkers.
4352 2 11 Booze Cruise 700 Brenda When are you going to start the presentation?
4353 2 11 Booze Cruise 700 Michael Well, we already sort of started it back at the office and on the dock with the Gilligan thing, so... right now, I was thinking. Yes. Okay, listen up all you Dunder-Mifflinites! I would like to talk to you all about life preservers. Now, one important life preserver in business is IT support.
4354 2 11 Booze Cruise 700 Captain Jack Not now, Mike, we're doing the limbo! That's right, partiers, it's time to limbo, limbo, limbo!
4355 2 11 Booze Cruise 700 Michael So, okay.
4356 2 11 Booze Cruise 700 Dwight Limbo, whoo!
4357 2 11 Booze Cruise 700 Captain Jack All right! I need a volunteer to come up here and hold my stick. Who's it gonna be?
4358 2 11 Booze Cruise 700 Meredith Me.
4359 2 11 Booze Cruise 700 Captain Jack Okay...
4360 2 11 Booze Cruise 700 Dwight Me! Me, me, me.
4361 2 11 Booze Cruise 700 Captain Jack Uh... usually it's a woman.
4362 2 11 Booze Cruise 700 Dwight I'm stronger.
4363 2 11 Booze Cruise 700 Captain Jack Hey, I got an idea! How would you like to steer the ship, Dwight?
4364 2 11 Booze Cruise 701 Captain Jack Keep us on a steady course. Keep a sharp eye out. I'm counting on you!
4365 2 11 Booze Cruise 702 Dwight I was the youngest pilot in Pan Am history. When I was four, the pilot let me ride in the cockpit and fly the plane with him. And I was four. And I was great. And I would have landed it, but my dad wanted us to go back to our seats.
4366 2 11 Booze Cruise 703 Captain Jack All right, all right, that was great! Now it's time for the dance contest!
4367 2 11 Booze Cruise 703 Michael But before that, I have to do my presentation.
4368 2 11 Booze Cruise 703 Captain Jack Nope! Dance contest!
4369 2 11 Booze Cruise 703 Michael All right, we'll have a motivational dance contest! Hit it! Yeah, okay, dancing! It is a primal art form used in ancient times to express yourself with the body and communicate!
4370 2 11 Booze Cruise 704 Michael Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that's always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you have to just be the boss of dancing.
4371 2 11 Booze Cruise 705 Dwight What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor early in the morning?
4372 2 11 Booze Cruise 705 Angela Hey, come inside and talk to me.
4373 2 11 Booze Cruise 705 Dwight I can't. Do you want us to run aground, woman?!
4374 2 11 Booze Cruise 706 Darryl, Katy Snorkel shot! Snorkel shot!
4375 2 11 Booze Cruise 706 Roy Whoo! Who's next? Come on, Pam! Come on! Come on!
4376 2 11 Booze Cruise 706 Pam No, I'm not going to do that.
4377 2 11 Booze Cruise 706 Roy Come on!
4378 2 11 Booze Cruise 706 Darryl That's what I'm talking about!
4379 2 11 Booze Cruise 706 Pam Hey, why don't we find like a quieter place to hang out?
4380 2 11 Booze Cruise 706 Roy I've just gotta wait for Darryl to do his shot. Just a minute. Come on! Darryl! Darryl!
4381 2 11 Booze Cruise 707 Pam It's getting kind of rowdy down there.
4382 2 11 Booze Cruise 707 Jim Yeah. Darryl! Darryl! Darryl!
4383 2 11 Booze Cruise 707 Pam Sometimes I just don't get Roy.
4384 2 11 Booze Cruise 707 Jim Well...
4385 2 11 Booze Cruise 707 Pam I mean, I don't know. So... what's it like dating a cheerleader?
4386 2 11 Booze Cruise 707 Jim Oh, um...
4387 2 11 Booze Cruise 707 Pam I'm cold.
4388 2 11 Booze Cruise 708 Captain Jack So, what's this presentation all about?
4389 2 11 Booze Cruise 708 Michael Ah! See, this is of general interest. It is about priorities and making decisions, using the boat as an analogy. What is important to you? If the boat is sinking, what do you save?
4390 2 11 Booze Cruise 708 Captain Jack Women and children.
4391 2 11 Booze Cruise 708 Michael No, no. Salesmen and profit centers.
4392 2 11 Booze Cruise 708 Captain Jack That's a stupid analogy.
4393 2 11 Booze Cruise 708 Michael Okay, well, obviously you don't know anything about leadership.
4394 2 11 Booze Cruise 708 Captain Jack Well, I was the captain of a PC-1 Cyclone Coastal Patrol Boat during Desert Storm.
4395 2 11 Booze Cruise 708 Dwight Wow. You should be the motivational speaker.
4396 2 11 Booze Cruise 708 Michael Okay.
4397 2 11 Booze Cruise 708 Dwight Yeah. He gives me real responsibility, Michael. Captain Jack delegates. He's let me steer the ship for the last hour.
4398 2 11 Booze Cruise 709 Katy I'd like to be engaged. How did you manage to pull that off?
4399 2 11 Booze Cruise 709 Pam Uh, I've been engaged for three years, and there's no end in sight. So... you don't wanna ask my advice.
4400 2 11 Booze Cruise 710 Captain Jack Suppose your office building's on fire. Jim, who would you save?
4401 2 11 Booze Cruise 710 Jim Um... let's see, uh... The customer. Because the customer is king.
4402 2 11 Booze Cruise 710 Michael Not what I was looking for, but a good thought.
4403 2 11 Booze Cruise 710 Captain Jack He's just sucking up!
4404 2 11 Booze Cruise 710 Roy When you were in the Navy, did you ever almost die?
4405 2 11 Booze Cruise 710 Captain Jack Oh yeah, oh yeah. And I wasn't thinking about some customer. I was thinking about my first wife. The day I got back on shore, I married her.
4406 2 11 Booze Cruise 711 Jim You know what? I would save the receptionist. I just wanted to clear that up.
4407 2 11 Booze Cruise 712 Roy Hello, everybody, could I have your attention for just a second? Could you listen to me for a second? We were up at the front, and we were talking about what's really important, and... Pam, I think enough is enough. I think we should set a date for our wedding. How about June 10th? Come on, let's do it! Come on, Pam!
4408 2 11 Booze Cruise 713 Michael I don't want to take credit for this, but Roy and I were just having a conversation about making commitments and making choices. Right? Did I motivate you?
4409 2 11 Booze Cruise 713 Roy No, it was Captain Jack.
4410 2 11 Booze Cruise 713 Michael Well... could have been either one of us, because we were pretty much saying the same thing. Congratulations. That is great!
4411 2 11 Booze Cruise 713 Captain Jack We gotta celebrate! Hey, I got an idea, I got an idea. I can marry you right now, as captain of the ship!
4412 2 11 Booze Cruise 713 Michael Yes! I can marry you as regional manager of Dunder-Mifflin!
4413 2 11 Booze Cruise 713 Pam No, no, I want my mom and dad to be there.
4414 2 11 Booze Cruise 713 Michael Then I'll give you away!
4415 2 11 Booze Cruise 713 Pam No, thank you.
4416 2 11 Booze Cruise 714 Katy Do you think that'll ever be us?
4417 2 11 Booze Cruise 714 Jim No.
4418 2 11 Booze Cruise 714 Katy What is wrong with you? Why did you even bring me here tonight?
4419 2 11 Booze Cruise 714 Jim I don't know. Let's break up.
4420 2 11 Booze Cruise 714 Katy Whoa. What?
4421 2 11 Booze Cruise 715 Captain Jack This is where Captain Jack drives the boat.
4422 2 11 Booze Cruise 715 Meredith Wow!
4423 2 11 Booze Cruise 716 Dwight Seasick? Captain Jack says you should look at the Moon.
4424 2 11 Booze Cruise 716 Michael Captain Jack is a fart face. I'm on medication.
4425 2 11 Booze Cruise 716 Brenda Really? What?
4426 2 11 Booze Cruise 716 Michael Vomicillin. Okay. All right. It's time to be boss. It's time to motivate. Let's blow some minds here. Okay, guys, guys, cool it. Everybody, Dunder-Mifflin Scranton employees, Brenda, I have some very, very urgent news I need to tell everybody right now. Listen up. The ship is sinking! Okay? We're going down, right now. Just wrap your heads around the reality of that. Shh, please! Everybody, it's my turn now, okay? Captain Jack is gone. In five minutes, this ship is going to be at the bottom of the lake! And there aren't enough spaces on the lifeboat! Who are we gonna save? Do we save sales? Do we save customer service? Do we save accounting? This is a business scenario. Right? It's a scary... it's a...
4427 2 11 Booze Cruise 716 Captain Jack Hey! Hey! What the hell is going on here?
4428 2 11 Booze Cruise 716 Michael It's a predicament, and it's something that each and every one of us has to think about.
4429 2 11 Booze Cruise 717 Michael I'm in the brig. See? The boat's not as corporate-friendly as advertised. What was the deal with the guy jumping overboard? What was... if he had just waited and heard what I had to say, he would be motivated right now and not all wet.
4430 2 11 Booze Cruise 718 Michael Is somebody there?
4431 2 11 Booze Cruise 718 Jim What happened to you?
4432 2 11 Booze Cruise 718 Michael Captain Jack has a problem with authority.
4433 2 11 Booze Cruise 718 Jim Oh, right, because you announced that his ship was sinking?
4434 2 11 Booze Cruise 718 Michael He just totally lost it. If you ask me, he caused the panic.
4435 2 11 Booze Cruise 718 Jim What a night.
4436 2 11 Booze Cruise 718 Michael Well, it's nice for you. Your friend got engaged.
4437 2 11 Booze Cruise 718 Jim She was always engaged.
4438 2 11 Booze Cruise 718 Michael Roy said the first one didn't count.
4439 2 11 Booze Cruise 718 Jim That's... great. You know, to tell the truth, I used to have a big thing for Pam, so...
4440 2 11 Booze Cruise 718 Michael Really? You're kidding me. You and Pam? Wow. I would have never have put you two together. You really hid it well. God! I usually have a radar for stuff like that. You know, I made out with Jan...
4441 2 11 Booze Cruise 718 Jim Yeah, I know.
4442 2 11 Booze Cruise 718 Michael Yeah? Yep. Well, Pam is cute.
4443 2 11 Booze Cruise 718 Jim Yeah. She's really funny, and she's warm. And she's just... well, anyway.
4444 2 11 Booze Cruise 718 Michael Well, if you like her so much, don't give up.
4445 2 11 Booze Cruise 718 Jim She's engaged.
4446 2 11 Booze Cruise 718 Michael BFD. Engaged ain't married.
4447 2 11 Booze Cruise 718 Jim Huh.
4448 2 11 Booze Cruise 718 Michael Never, ever, ever give up.
4449 2 11 Booze Cruise 719 Dwight Don't worry, Michael. I'm taking us to shore.
4450 2 11 Booze Cruise 719 Michael It's a fake wheel, dummy.
4451 2 12 The Injury 720 Oscar ...Lord of the Rings trilogy, if you see it back to back, it's really long. But it's good.
4452 2 12 The Injury 720 Jim Yeah, that's right.
4453 2 12 The Injury 721 Pam Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.
4454 2 12 The Injury 721 Michael Pam! It's Michael. Help me! I need help right now.
4455 2 12 The Injury 721 Pam Michael, what's wrong?
4456 2 12 The Injury 721 Michael I'm hurt, I have hurt myself. Oh my God!
4457 2 12 The Injury 721 Pam Ok, wait wait wait wait...
4458 2 12 The Injury 721 Michael Ungh, this is not looking good Pam!
4459 2 12 The Injury 721 Pam Michael, do you need me to call an ambulance?!
4460 2 12 The Injury 721 Michael No, I want you to pick me up.
4461 2 12 The Injury 721 Jim What?
4462 2 12 The Injury 721 Pam Ok...
4463 2 12 The Injury 721 Jim What's going on?
4464 2 12 The Injury 721 Pam Wait a second, I thought you said that you were hurt.
4465 2 12 The Injury 721 Michael I am hurt. I hurt my foot.
4466 2 12 The Injury 721 Jim I'm sorry? Pam.
4467 2 12 The Injury 721 Jim What is going on?
4468 2 12 The Injury 721 Michael I want to come to work. But I need you to come and pick me up.
4469 2 12 The Injury 721 Michael OH GOD!
4470 2 12 The Injury 721 Jim Hey, whoa, Michael...
4471 2 12 The Injury 721 Michael Oh God!
4472 2 12 The Injury 721 Jim It's, okay, it's Jim. Just say again, uh, really loudly what happened.
4473 2 12 The Injury 721 Michael OK, buhhhh, I burned my foot very badly on my Foreman Grill and I now need someone to come and bring me into work.
4474 2 12 The Injury 722 Michael I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me. And since I don't have a butler, I have to do it myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman Grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill, I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious, it's good for me. It's the perfect way to start the day. Today I got up, I stepped onto the grill and it clamped down on my foot... that's it. I don't see what's so hard to believe about that.
4475 2 12 The Injury 723 Michael Pam, could you come get me?!
4476 2 12 The Injury 723 Pam Uh, I have to stay here and answer the phone.
4477 2 12 The Injury 723 Michael Ok, could someone come and get me please, Ryan?
4478 2 12 The Injury 723 Phyllis Michael, you should stay home and rest.
4479 2 12 The Injury 723 Michael There's no toilet paper here. Could Ryan... tell Ryan to bring toilet paper. Could you tell 'em that?
4480 2 12 The Injury 723 Kevin Can you hop?
4481 2 12 The Injury 723 Michael I tried hopping, Kevin, and I bumped my elbow against the wall and now my elbow has a protruberance.
4482 2 12 The Injury 723 Michael No one wants to pick me up!?
4483 2 12 The Injury 723 Dwight What is going on? What is going on?
4484 2 12 The Injury 723 Pam Michael, is, um, sick and he wants one of us to rescue him.
4485 2 12 The Injury 723 Michael I'm not sick! I'm burned!
4486 2 12 The Injury 723 Dwight I'm coming Michael!
4487 2 12 The Injury 723 Jim Oh...
4488 2 12 The Injury 723 Dwight I'm gonna save you!
4489 2 12 The Injury 723 Michael Don't... is that Dwight? I do not want Dwight.
4490 2 12 The Injury 723 Dwight Hold on Michael! I am coming! Wait there!
4491 2 12 The Injury 723 Michael I don't want Dwight!
4492 2 12 The Injury 723 Pam Michael, why don't you call your girlfriend?
4493 2 12 The Injury 723 Michael I don't have a girlfriend.
4494 2 12 The Injury 723 Jim But you said that you went out with her this weekend.
4495 2 12 The Injury 723 Michael It was all made up. Just someone come, ok? Anyone. Anyone but Dwight.
4496 2 12 The Injury 723 Jim What was that...
4497 2 12 The Injury 723 Pam What was that?!
4498 2 12 The Injury 723 Jim Oh!
4499 2 12 The Injury 723 Pam Ohhhhhh!
4500 2 12 The Injury 723 Jim He hit the pole!
4501 2 12 The Injury 723 Jim It's broken right, he can't...
4502 2 12 The Injury 723 Pam Oh my gosh.
4503 2 12 The Injury 723 Jim Oh Dwight, Dwight, Ohhhhhh!
4504 2 12 The Injury 723 Jim, Pam Oh my God!
4505 2 12 The Injury 723 Pam Is he ok?
4506 2 12 The Injury 723 Jim He's still driving... Dwight, you forgot your bumper!
4507 2 12 The Injury 723 Michael Hellooo? ... Please don't send Dwight!
4508 2 12 The Injury 724 Michael Morning everyone. Don't freak out. I forbid anybody to freak out. Clearly, I have had a very serious accident, but I will recover, God willing. I just want to be treated normally today. Normal would actually be good, considering the trauma that I've been through.
4509 2 12 The Injury 724 Pam You missed two big conference calls today, one with corporate.
4510 2 12 The Injury 724 Michael Did you explain why?
4511 2 12 The Injury 724 Pam No, I didn't mention that you cooked your foot.
4512 2 12 The Injury 724 Michael Burned my foot, Pam.
4513 2 12 The Injury 725 Michael Please stop popping my cast. Thank you.
4514 2 12 The Injury 725 Jim So, where are you shipping your foot?
4515 2 12 The Injury 725 Michael Ha ha ha. So where are you shipping...
4516 2 12 The Injury 725 Dwight Your foot?
4517 2 12 The Injury 726 Michael Thank you. Pam, messages please?
4518 2 12 The Injury 726 Pam You didn't have any.
4519 2 12 The Injury 726 Michael Really, well, it, uh, seemed very important to you earlier that you needed to stay and...
4520 2 12 The Injury 726 Pam And do my job?
4521 2 12 The Injury 726 Michael No, your job is being my friend, Pam. OW! God!
4522 2 12 The Injury 726 Dwight It slipped.
4523 2 12 The Injury 726 Michael What?
4524 2 12 The Injury 726 Dwight Sorry.
4525 2 12 The Injury 726 Pam It's just that before, you said that you didn't want any special treatment.
4526 2 12 The Injury 726 Michael I don't want any special treatment, Pam. I just want you to treat me like you would some family member who's undergone some sort of serious physical trauma. I don't think that's too much to ask.
4527 2 12 The Injury 726 Pam Do you want some aspirin, because you seem a little fussy.
4528 2 12 The Injury 726 Michael No, I don't want some aspirin, yeah I'm a little fussy. Aspirin's not gonna do a damn thing. I'm sitting here with a bloody stump of a foot.
4529 2 12 The Injury 726 Dwight Hey, Pam, I'm assistant regional manager, and I can take care of him. Part of my duties are to.
4530 2 12 The Injury 726 Michael What? Part of your duties are to what?
4531 2 12 The Injury 726 Dwight What?
4532 2 12 The Injury 726 Michael You just said "part of your duties are to" something.
4533 2 12 The Injury 726 Dwight No, I didn't.
4534 2 12 The Injury 726 Michael Yes, you did. What is wrong with you?
4535 2 12 The Injury 727 Michael Where is my cornbread?
4536 2 12 The Injury 727 Ryan Here you go.
4537 2 12 The Injury 727 Michael Thank you. Did you get all dark meat like I like?
4538 2 12 The Injury 727 Ryan Yes. I ordered three full rotisserie chickens worth of all dark meat.
4539 2 12 The Injury 727 Michael Where are the yams?
4540 2 12 The Injury 727 Ryan They were out of yams. I got you creamed spinach.
4541 2 12 The Injury 727 Michael Did you go to the one in Stroudsburg?
4542 2 12 The Injury 727 Ryan Yes.
4543 2 12 The Injury 727 Michael And they had no yams?
4544 2 12 The Injury 727 Ryan They had no yams.
4545 2 12 The Injury 727 Michael How strange. Because they always have yams.
4546 2 12 The Injury 728 Dwight Aw, man, is that a Prism Duro-Sport?
4547 2 12 The Injury 728 Pam You've seen one of these?
4548 2 12 The Injury 728 Dwight Yeah, they're like an i-Pod only they're better 'cause they're chunkier and more solid.
4549 2 12 The Injury 728 Pam Roy gave it to me for Christmas. I'm trying to figure out how to put songs on it.
4550 2 12 The Injury 728 Dwight Oh, no no no. Don't go there. I know this Russian website where you can download songs for two cents a piece.
4551 2 12 The Injury 728 Pam Really?
4552 2 12 The Injury 728 Dwight Yeah, I'll write down the address for you. Only, the only thing is, is that all the songs are in Russian. ... Kidding!
4553 2 12 The Injury 728 Pam Oh! Ha, haha.
4554 2 12 The Injury 728 Dwight Why would they all be...? Ok, see you later, Pan.
4555 2 12 The Injury 728 Pam Pan?
4556 2 12 The Injury 729 Michael Pam... PAAAM!?
4557 2 12 The Injury 729 Pam Oh, God.
4558 2 12 The Injury 729 Pam What.
4559 2 12 The Injury 729 Michael Come here please.
4560 2 12 The Injury 729 Pam Tell me before I come there.
4561 2 12 The Injury 729 Michael I want you to rub butter on my foot.
4562 2 12 The Injury 729 Pam No.
4563 2 12 The Injury 729 Michael Pam, please? I have Country Crock.
4564 2 12 The Injury 729 Pam No.
4565 2 12 The Injury 729 Michael Uh, ow. Ryan! ... Ryaaaaan ... RYYYYAN!
4566 2 12 The Injury 730 Dwight These covers are totally indestructible.
4567 2 12 The Injury 730 Pam Really?
4568 2 12 The Injury 730 Dwight Yeah. Throw it. I promise it won't break. Chuck it.
4569 2 12 The Injury 730 Dwight Oh no, it's broken.
4570 2 12 The Injury 730 Pam What?!
4571 2 12 The Injury 730 Dwight No, it's fine. I told you it wouldn't break. You could throw it all day long.
4572 2 12 The Injury 730 Pam That is so cool. Thanks Dwight!
4573 2 12 The Injury 730 Dwight Yep.
4574 2 12 The Injury 731 Jim So, I guess Pam and Dwight are friends now.
4575 2 12 The Injury 732 Pam Oh God no, Dwight isn't my friend... Oh my God! Dwight's kind of my friend!
4576 2 12 The Injury 733 Michael No, nope, no one is helping me out at all Mom. No, I'm not gonna call Jan. She'd just worry... drive down here and make a big thing... Who told you that? No, it was mutual. What is Pam doing chatting with you?
4577 2 12 The Injury 734 Dwight Huh. Do you like candy?
4578 2 12 The Injury 734 Angela It's alright.
4579 2 12 The Injury 734 Dwight Cause you're sweeter than candy.
4580 2 12 The Injury 734 Angela What is wrong with you?
4581 2 12 The Injury 734 Angela Hey!
4582 2 12 The Injury 735 Toby Wow, you just dive right into it.
4583 2 12 The Injury 735 Ryan You know, around age twelve, I just started goin' for it.
4584 2 12 The Injury 735 Michael No! Guh! OW! Awww, help, help me!
4585 2 12 The Injury 735 Toby What, what happened?
4586 2 12 The Injury 735 Michael I fell off the toilet. I'm caught between the toilet and the wall.
4587 2 12 The Injury 735 Toby What do you need?
4588 2 12 The Injury 735 Michael Ugh, not you. Someone else. Get Pam.
4589 2 12 The Injury 735 Toby I don't think Pam's gonna want to come into the men's room.
4590 2 12 The Injury 735 Michael Get Ryan. He needs to lift me. and he needs to clean me up a little bit. Bring a wet towel.
4591 2 12 The Injury 735 Toby Ryan, is, uh, dead.
4592 2 12 The Injury 735 Michael No, he's not.
4593 2 12 The Injury 735 Toby Dead.
4594 2 12 The Injury 735 Michael I just saw him.
4595 2 12 The Injury 735 Toby No. Can't, can't you just get up yourself? I... You only grilled your foot.
4596 2 12 The Injury 735 Michael Ugh, forget it. I'll just get up myself. No! Uh, aaaahhh! Ah! Oh God!
4597 2 12 The Injury 736 Jim Do you think Dwight's bein' a little weird today?
4598 2 12 The Injury 736 Pam No, he's actually been really nice and helpful.
4599 2 12 The Injury 736 Jim And that isn't weird?
4600 2 12 The Injury 736 Pam Wow...
4601 2 12 The Injury 736 Michael Can I have everyone's attention please? Phyllis, Oscar, Ryan, who's supposed to be dead, can I ask you all a question? Do you all know what it's like to be disabled? Oscar?
4602 2 12 The Injury 736 Phyllis Um, I had scoliosis as a girl.
4603 2 12 The Injury 736 Creed When I was a teenager, I was in an iron lung.
4604 2 12 The Injury 736 Michael Wuh, how, how old are you? Look, the point is, I am the only one here who has a legitimate disability, although I'm sure Stanley has had his fair share of obstacles.
4605 2 12 The Injury 736 Stanley I'm not disabled and neither are you.
4606 2 12 The Injury 736 Michael Ok, what does this look like to you Stanley?!
4607 2 12 The Injury 736 Stanley Mailboxes, Etc.
4608 2 12 The Injury 736 Michael Shuuut it, ok, well, well you know what, disabilities are not things to be laughed at or laughed about. You people are jerks. Imagine if you had left Stevie Wonder on the floor of that bathroom instead of me.
4609 2 12 The Injury 736 Phyllis Oh, we wouldn't. We love Stevie Wonder.
4610 2 12 The Injury 736 Michael I burned my foot!!! Ok, twenty minutes, conference room, everybody's in there!
4611 2 12 The Injury 736 Dwight Dad?
4612 2 12 The Injury 737 Michael While we are waiting for our special guest to arrive, I wanted you all to take a look at a few of the many, many disabled icons who have contributed so much to our society.
4613 2 12 The Injury 737 Jim Quick question: uh, why is Tom Hanks on the wall?
4614 2 12 The Injury 737 Ryan Twice.
4615 2 12 The Injury 737 Michael Good question. Forrest Gump: mentally challenged, Philadelphia : AIDS.
4616 2 12 The Injury 737 Kevin I think that's from Big.
4617 2 12 The Injury 737 Michael I don't think so, no.
4618 2 12 The Injury 737 Kelly Yeah, he's dancing on a piano with Robert Loggia.
4619 2 12 The Injury 737 Michael He grew into a man overnight. Rare disability, still works. A crossword puzzle Stanley, seriously, are you learning nothing here?
4620 2 12 The Injury 737 Stanley Uh hmmmm... .
4621 2 12 The Injury 737 Michael What you mean uh hmmm... ?
4622 2 12 The Injury 737 Stanley I mean I'm learning nothing.
4623 2 12 The Injury 737 Michael Ok.
4624 2 12 The Injury 737 Billy Merchant Michael Scott, I'm looking for Michael Scott.
4625 2 12 The Injury 737 Michael Yes, right in here, come on in.
4626 2 12 The Injury 737 Billy Merchant Great.
4627 2 12 The Injury 737 Michael This, ladies and gentlemen, is our special guest.
4628 2 12 The Injury 737 Billy Merchant Sorry I'm late. Someone parked in the handicapped parking space.
4629 2 12 The Injury 737 Billy Merchant Hey everyone, I'm Billy Merchant, you may have seen me around here before, I'm the properties manager of this office park
4630 2 12 The Injury 737 Michael You are so brave. You are so brave.
4631 2 12 The Injury 737 Billy Merchant Thank you. Actually, I've been meaning to come by here for a long time...
4632 2 12 The Injury 737 Michael But it's hard for you! Right? Because you're in a wheelchair.
4633 2 12 The Injury 737 Billy Merchant No, I just have a lot of properties to manage.
4634 2 12 The Injury 737 Michael Let me ask you something, how long does it take for you to do something simple, every day, like brush your teeth in the morning?
4635 2 12 The Injury 737 Billy Merchant I don't know, like 30 seconds?
4636 2 12 The Injury 737 Michael Oh my God, that's three times as long as it takes me.
4637 2 12 The Injury 737 Michael How did you get in your wheelchair?
4638 2 12 The Injury 737 Billy Merchant This morning? Just like every other morning, just climbed on in.
4639 2 12 The Injury 737 Michael Hey, hey, hey, not funny! Not funny.
4640 2 12 The Injury 737 Billy Merchant Hey, hey, relax, just jokin around here.
4641 2 12 The Injury 737 Michael Well, that's good, he still has a sense of humor.
4642 2 12 The Injury 737 Billy Merchant Listen, I've actually used a chair since I was four years old. I don't really notice it anymore.
4643 2 12 The Injury 737 Michael Well they notice it. Don't you? You notice it. It's the first thing you saw when he rolled in here, isn't it?
4644 2 12 The Injury 738 Jim I want to clamp Michael's face in a George Foreman grill.
4645 2 12 The Injury 739 Billy Merchant So, there are just a couple things I want to remind everybody of...
4646 2 12 The Injury 739 Michael Ok...
4647 2 12 The Injury 739 Billy Merchant First is parking. You can't block the freight entrance with your car, even if your blinkers are on. Does anybody have any questions? Yes. Yeah? yes...
4648 2 12 The Injury 739 Pam Dwight, you have your hand up.
4649 2 12 The Injury 739 Michael Ignore him. You know what? We're not that different, you and I. When I clamped my foot into a non-stick...
4650 2 12 The Injury 739 Billy Merchant You know what Michael?
4651 2 12 The Injury 739 Michael Yeah...
4652 2 12 The Injury 739 Billy Merchant Let me stop you right there.
4653 2 12 The Injury 739 Michael Ok.
4654 2 12 The Injury 739 Billy Merchant And leave.
4655 2 12 The Injury 740 Michael Did you see Born on the Fourth of July? I was under the impression that Billy would be more like that guy.
4656 2 12 The Injury 741 Billy Merchant What's wrong with that guy?
4657 2 12 The Injury 741 Jim You mean today? He stepped on a George Foremen grill and he burned his foot.
4658 2 12 The Injury 741 Billy Merchant No, not Michael. The moon-faced kid who crashed into the pole. He looks like he has a concussion.
4659 2 12 The Injury 742 Michael Hey!
4660 2 12 The Injury 742 Ryan I found the pudding cups you wanted in a gas station in Carbondale!
4661 2 12 The Injury 742 Michael You did it! Look at you, and with the plate and the napkin. Very nice. Thank you, Ryan.
4662 2 12 The Injury 742 Ryan You are very welcome.
4663 2 12 The Injury 742 Michael Did you get the yams?
4664 2 12 The Injury 742 Ryan No, the gas station in Carbondale did not have fresh yams!
4665 2 12 The Injury 742 Michael Ok, I'll just have the pudding.
4666 2 12 The Injury 742 Ryan You sure?
4667 2 12 The Injury 742 Michael Yeh.
4668 2 12 The Injury 742 Ryan Ok.
4669 2 12 The Injury 743 Michael You know what? I feel better. Ryan brought me some chocolate pudding and his kindness healed my foot.
4670 2 12 The Injury 744 Michael Yeah, baby, I am feelin' better. My body's literally healing itself. It is amazing what the human body is capable of when you have a powerful brain.
4671 2 12 The Injury 745 Ryan I ground up four extra-strength aspirin and put them in Michael's pudding. I do the same thing with my dog to get him to take his heartworm medicine.
4672 2 12 The Injury 746 Michael Uh, finally feel the blood coursing through my foot veins.
4673 2 12 The Injury 746 Dwight Uh, ugh, ohhhh...
4674 2 12 The Injury 746 Jim Uh, ok, I think we need to take him to the hospital because I'm pretty sure he has a concussion.
4675 2 12 The Injury 746 Michael Oh, now you feel some compassion for him.
4676 2 12 The Injury 746 Angela He needs to go right now, and you're his emergency contact. I think that you should go with him.
4677 2 12 The Injury 746 Michael Why don't you go with him?
4678 2 12 The Injury 746 Angela I, barely know him...
4679 2 12 The Injury 746 Dwight I want Michael to take me...
4680 2 12 The Injury 746 Michael I can't take you, I don't have my car and yours is all vomity.
4681 2 12 The Injury 746 Meredith You can take my van!
4682 2 12 The Injury 746 Michael Oh, ok, that's, great. No, I can't drive. Jim why don't you drive.
4683 2 12 The Injury 746 Jim Fine.
4684 2 12 The Injury 746 Michael We'll go. I'm still recovering. So let's just, Ryan, could you get my coat please.
4685 2 12 The Injury 746 Jim Slowly, slowly. Let's just get to the elevator.
4686 2 12 The Injury 746 Dwight Choo choo choo choo choo choo...
4687 2 12 The Injury 746 Jim What are you doing? What, stop...
4688 2 12 The Injury 746 Dwight Vietnam sounds.
4689 2 12 The Injury 746 Jim Stop, stop, stop, stop.
4690 2 12 The Injury 746 Dwight Tired...
4691 2 12 The Injury 746 Jim You can't lay down.
4692 2 12 The Injury 746 Dwight Want to take a rake... .
4693 2 12 The Injury 746 Jim Wake up.
4694 2 12 The Injury 746 Dwight Ahh!
4695 2 12 The Injury 746 Pam Dwight, here, let me help you Dwight.
4696 2 12 The Injury 746 Jim I'm just gonna get...
4697 2 12 The Injury 746 Dwight Ok, Pam, thanks.
4698 2 12 The Injury 746 Pam Get up, get up.
4699 2 12 The Injury 746 Dwight You're the best.
4700 2 12 The Injury 746 Pam Yeah.
4701 2 12 The Injury 746 Jim Just keep him awake.
4702 2 12 The Injury 746 Dwight It smells like chicken soup.
4703 2 12 The Injury 746 Pam I know.
4704 2 12 The Injury 746 Dwight I have to go to the hospital.
4705 2 12 The Injury 746 Pam I know.
4706 2 12 The Injury 746 Dwight Where we going?
4707 2 12 The Injury 746 Pam I just want to say goodbye ok?
4708 2 12 The Injury 746 Dwight I'll be back, I mean...
4709 2 12 The Injury 746 Pam Yes, I know, but it's gonna be different.
4710 2 12 The Injury 746 Dwight Why?
4711 2 12 The Injury 746 Pam It's just hard to explain.
4712 2 12 The Injury 746 Dwight Aw, Pam, you're adorable
4713 2 12 The Injury 746 Pam Oh my goodness!
4714 2 12 The Injury 746 Pam Come here.
4715 2 12 The Injury 746 Dwight Oh, huggy hugs.
4716 2 12 The Injury 747 Michael Shotgun!
4717 2 12 The Injury 747 Jim You don't think you should sit in the back with Dwight?
4718 2 12 The Injury 748 Michael The rules of shotgun are very simple and very clear. The first person to shout "shotgun" when you're within the sight of the car gets the front seat. That's how the game's played. There are no exceptions for someone with a concussion.
4719 2 12 The Injury 749 Michael Oh, God, a mini-van. What is Meredith's problem?
4720 2 12 The Injury 749 Jim Well, I think she has a kid.
4721 2 12 The Injury 749 Michael Well, yeah she has one kid, no husband. She's not gonna find one driving this thing around.
4722 2 12 The Injury 749 Dwight Where are we going?
4723 2 12 The Injury 749 Jim Come on, get inside.
4724 2 12 The Injury 749 Dwight Where are we going?
4725 2 12 The Injury 749 Jim We're going to Chuck E. Cheese.
4726 2 12 The Injury 749 Michael Chuck E. Cheese? Oh, God, I'm so sick of Chuck E. Cheese.
4727 2 12 The Injury 749 Jim We're going to the hospital, Michael.
4728 2 12 The Injury 749 Michael I know, just sayin'.
4729 2 12 The Injury 750 Michael Dwight, what are you drinking?
4730 2 12 The Injury 750 Dwight I found it under the seat.
4731 2 12 The Injury 750 Jim Oh my God, Dwight, put that down.
4732 2 12 The Injury 750 Dwight I'm thirsty.
4733 2 12 The Injury 750 Jim Give the bottle to Michael
4734 2 12 The Injury 750 Dwight No!
4735 2 12 The Injury 750 Jim Give the bottle to Michael!
4736 2 12 The Injury 750 Dwight I'm thirsty!
4737 2 12 The Injury 750 Michael Give it to me.
4738 2 12 The Injury 750 Dwight No.
4739 2 12 The Injury 750 Michael Dwight... You just keep your eyes on the road. Give me the bottle or you're fired.
4740 2 12 The Injury 750 Dwight You can't fire me, I don't work in this van!
4741 2 12 The Injury 750 Michael Give it to me Dwight.
4742 2 12 The Injury 750 Dwight No.
4743 2 12 The Injury 750 Michael Give me the bottle!!
4744 2 12 The Injury 750 Jim Will you stop?
4745 2 12 The Injury 750 Michael Gimme the bottle, Dwight!
4746 2 12 The Injury 750 Jim Michael stop.
4747 2 12 The Injury 750 Dwight Mmmmm...
4748 2 12 The Injury 750 Michael Just give it!
4749 2 12 The Injury 750 Jim Michael stop.
4750 2 12 The Injury 750 Michael Stop, stop it! Stop spraying! Gimme the bottle!
4751 2 12 The Injury 750 Jim Stop
4752 2 12 The Injury 750 Dwight My eyes!
4753 2 12 The Injury 750 Michael Stop spraying me! Gimme the bottle!
4754 2 12 The Injury 750 Dwight My eyes!
4755 2 12 The Injury 751 Michael Dwight, what is your middle name.
4756 2 12 The Injury 751 Dwight Danger.
4757 2 12 The Injury 751 Michael Something with a "K".
4758 2 12 The Injury 751 Jim It's Kurt. Wow, I am so sad that I know that.
4759 2 12 The Injury 751 Michael What do I write under "reason for visit"?
4760 2 12 The Injury 751 Jim Concussion. What did you write?
4761 2 12 The Injury 751 Michael Nothing. I wrote "bringing someone to the hospital".
4762 2 12 The Injury 751 Jim So you thought they meant your reason for coming to the hospital.
4763 2 12 The Injury 751 Michael No... you know what Jim, this isn't about me anymore. I made a miraculous recovery, which is more than I can say for him.
4764 2 12 The Injury 751 Jim Come on Dwight.
4765 2 12 The Injury 751 Dwight Hi Michael!
4766 2 12 The Injury 751 Michael Hi Dwight.
4767 2 12 The Injury 752 Dwight Ahhh. Mweehaa
4768 2 12 The Injury 752 Michael Doctor, what is more serious, a head injury or a foot injury?
4769 2 12 The Injury 752 Doctor A head injury.
4770 2 12 The Injury 752 Michael Well, you don't have all the information. The foot as been fairly severely burned and healed quickly, very quickly, actually like suspiciously quickly.
4771 2 12 The Injury 752 Doctor So, I'm ordering a CAT scan.
4772 2 12 The Injury 752 Dwight What is that?
4773 2 12 The Injury 752 Michael Look since you have the machine up and running, can I just stick my foot, we take a look?
4774 2 12 The Injury 752 Doctor Well, for a burn, you really just need to look at the outside of the foot.
4775 2 12 The Injury 752 Michael Ok, what kinda machine is that?
4776 2 12 The Injury 752 Doctor Does the skin look red and swollen?
4777 2 12 The Injury 752 Dwight That's what she said.
4778 2 12 The Injury 752 Michael That's my joke, damnit Dwight.
4779 2 12 The Injury 753 Lab Tech Ok, no electronics past this point. Camera, sound equipment...
4780 2 12 The Injury 753 Michael It's ok, they're with me.
4781 2 12 The Injury 753 Lab Tech No metal of any kind.
4782 2 12 The Injury 753 Michael Alright, well, I guess this is where we leave you off.
4783 2 12 The Injury 753 Dwight I don't want to do this.
4784 2 12 The Injury 753 Michael Uh, well you should of thought of before you crashed your head on your way to pick me up. We'll, see you when you get out.
4785 2 12 The Injury 753 Dwight Oh.
4786 2 12 The Injury 753 Michael Fine. Fine.
4787 2 12 The Injury 754 Pam Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.
4788 2 12 The Injury 754 Jim Dunder Mifflin, this is Jim.
4789 2 12 The Injury 754 Pam Oh my God, what is going on, is Dwight ok?
4790 2 12 The Injury 754 Jim Uh hmm, he should be fine, but, uh, they brought him in for a CAT scan.
4791 2 12 The Injury 754 Pam I can't believe he's getting a CAT scan.
4792 2 12 The Injury 754 Jim Michael went in there with him too. It's pretty sweet.
4793 2 12 The Injury 754 Pam Really? Michael went in with him?
4794 2 12 The Injury 754 Jim Uh huh.
4795 2 12 The Injury 754 Pam Wow.
4796 2 12 The Injury 754 Jim But they shouldn't be much longer now, so we'll be back soon.
4797 2 12 The Injury 754 Pam Ok, that's uh, good news Uh, yeah, no I'll let you go.
4798 2 12 The Injury 754 Jim Ok.
4799 2 12 The Injury 754 Pam Ok. Bye.
4800 2 12 The Injury 754 Jim Bye.
4801 2 12 The Injury 755 Pam Hey, Oscar?
4802 2 12 The Injury 755 Oscar What's up, Pam?
4803 2 12 The Injury 755 Pam I just wanted to let you that Dwight's gonna be ok. The doctor said there's a really simple treatment for a concussion, so he'll probably even be back at work tomorrow.
4804 2 12 The Injury 755 Oscar Ok...
4805 2 12 The Injury 755 Pam I just, uh, thought you'd want to know that.
4806 2 12 The Injury 756 Lab Tech Ok Mr. Schrute, inhale with me on three. One, two, uh Sir? Stop that. Stop. Stop that.
4807 2 13 The Secret 757 Jim Not much what's up with you?
4808 2 13 The Secret 757 Pam Oh, I can not believe I fell for that. Oh, my God.
4809 2 13 The Secret 757 Michael Ah, ah, ah, what? What? Where's the funny? Give it to me.
4810 2 13 The Secret 757 Jim Umm, is it me or does it smell like up-dog in here?
4811 2 13 The Secret 757 Michael What's up-dog?
4812 2 13 The Secret 757 Jim Nothin' much what's up with you?
4813 2 13 The Secret 757 Michael Oh, oh, wow! I walked right into that. Oh, that's brilliant!
4814 2 13 The Secret 758 Michael Hey, Stanley, is that jacket make of up-dog?
4815 2 13 The Secret 758 Stanley I'm on the phone.
4816 2 13 The Secret 759 Michael Mmm, what flavour coffee is that? Up-dog?
4817 2 13 The Secret 759 Ryan What's that?
4818 2 13 The Secret 759 Michael I don't know, nothin', what's up with you?
4819 2 13 The Secret 759 Ryan Huh?
4820 2 13 The Secret 759 Michael No, damn it!
4821 2 13 The Secret 760 Kevin What does that mean?
4822 2 13 The Secret 760 Michael What does what mean?
4823 2 13 The Secret 760 Kevin The thing you just said?
4824 2 13 The Secret 760 Michael Just forget it.
4825 2 13 The Secret 761 Michael Dwight! Hey is it me or does this place smell like up-dog?
4826 2 13 The Secret 761 Dwight What's up-dog?
4827 2 13 The Secret 761 Michael Gotcha! Oh, God. Crap! Nothin' how ya doing?
4828 2 13 The Secret 761 Dwight Good. How are you doing?
4829 2 13 The Secret 761 Jim So close.
4830 2 13 The Secret 761 Michael Damn it.
4831 2 13 The Secret 762 Michael Today is spring cleaning day here at Dunder Mifflin. And yes I know its January. I am not an idiot. But, if you do your Spring cleaning in January; guess what you don't have to do in the spring? Anything. They say a cluttered desk means a cluttered mind. Well I say that an empty desk means a...
4832 2 13 The Secret 762 Dwight Empty mind.
4833 2 13 The Secret 762 Michael No, that's not... no, that's not what I was going to say.
4834 2 13 The Secret 763 Dwight Meredith, men's room. Make sure you replace the urinal cakes. They're worn down. Kevin file drawers. Angela kitchen. Oscar dusting. Where is Oscar?
4835 2 13 The Secret 763 Angela He's out sick.
4836 2 13 The Secret 763 Dwight That's unacceptable.
4837 2 13 The Secret 763 Angela I agree it's unacceptable.
4838 2 13 The Secret 763 Kevin Whhh... What are you guys doing?
4839 2 13 The Secret 764 Dwight Michael.
4840 2 13 The Secret 764 Michael Yes.
4841 2 13 The Secret 764 Dwight Oscar is out sick.
4842 2 13 The Secret 764 Michael On a Friday?
4843 2 13 The Secret 765 Dwight Can I do some of the talking?
4844 2 13 The Secret 765 Michael I will do all the talking.
4845 2 13 The Secret 765 Dwight Ok, let him know that I'm here.
4846 2 13 The Secret 765 Oscar Hello.
4847 2 13 The Secret 765 Michael What difference does it make whether your here?
4848 2 13 The Secret 765 Oscar Hello?
4849 2 13 The Secret 765 Michael Hi, Oscar its Michael.
4850 2 13 The Secret 765 Dwight And Dwight.
4851 2 13 The Secret 765 Michael Yechh, yeah, um, heard you were under the weather?
4852 2 13 The Secret 765 Oscar Yeah I think I came down with the flu.
4853 2 13 The Secret 765 Michael Really? Oh, that is a shame. You know it's cleaning day here today? Could have used some of that famous Hispanic cleaning ethic.
4854 2 13 The Secret 765 Oscar Yeah, I feel terrible about it.
4855 2 13 The Secret 765 Dwight Ask him his symptoms. I'm on Web M.D.
4856 2 13 The Secret 765 Michael What are your symptoms?
4857 2 13 The Secret 765 Oscar I have the chills.
4858 2 13 The Secret 765 Michael Umm, hmmm.
4859 2 13 The Secret 765 Oscar I feel nauseous and my heads killing.
4860 2 13 The Secret 765 Dwight Checks out.
4861 2 13 The Secret 765 Oscar Michael is there anything you need from me? I'd like to go back to bed.
4862 2 13 The Secret 765 Michael I need you to go back to bed. I need you to get better. See you Monday. Unless you're still sick. So have a great long weekend.
4863 2 13 The Secret 765 Oscar I'll just be sleep---
4864 2 13 The Secret 765 Dwight Ok. First impressions?
4865 2 13 The Secret 765 Michael He sounded sick.
4866 2 13 The Secret 765 Dwight Which is exactly how you'd wanna sound like if you wanted someone to think you were sick.
4867 2 13 The Secret 765 Michael That's exactly what I was thinking.
4868 2 13 The Secret 765 Dwight Question? May I investigate?
4869 2 13 The Secret 765 Michael Yeah. Drop what you're doing. Make this a priority. Because an office can't function efficiently unless people are at their desks doing their jobs.
4870 2 13 The Secret 766 Pam I bought my veil.
4871 2 13 The Secret 766 Kelly Oh my God! That is so exciting! Can I be a bridesmaid?
4872 2 13 The Secret 766 Pam Ummm...
4873 2 13 The Secret 766 Kelly Listen, you don't have to answer now. But how are you going to do your hair?
4874 2 13 The Secret 766 Pam Ok. I was thinking about wearing it down. Kind of like, I don't know, like loose with big curls and...
4875 2 13 The Secret 766 Kelly You'd look like an angel. I'm seriously going to cry.
4876 2 13 The Secret 766 Michael Wowweee. Mikey likey. Why don't you wear your hair like that all the time. It's much sexier. Man, this must be torture for you.
4877 2 13 The Secret 767 Jim Yeah. On the booze cruise I told Michael about some feelings I used to have for Pam. I had just broken up with Katy and had a couple drinks. And I confided in the world's worst confidant.
4878 2 13 The Secret 768 Jim Hey Michael.
4879 2 13 The Secret 768 Michael Hey Jim-bag.
4880 2 13 The Secret 768 Jim Remember that thing I told you on the booze cruise about Pam? That... was... personal so if we can just keep that between you and me. That would be great.
4881 2 13 The Secret 768 Michael Really?
4882 2 13 The Secret 768 Jim Umm, hmm.
4883 2 13 The Secret 768 Michael Who else knows?
4884 2 13 The Secret 768 Jim Nobody.
4885 2 13 The Secret 768 Michael Wow!
4886 2 13 The Secret 769 Michael Jim and I are great friends. We hang out a ton, mostly at work. But, the fact that he told me his secret and no one else knows says everything about our friendship. And it is why, I intend on keeping that secret for as long as I possibly can.
4887 2 13 The Secret 770 Michael My lips are sealed. My lips are sealed... Bangles.
4888 2 13 The Secret 770 Jim Alright. Great. Thank you.
4889 2 13 The Secret 770 Michael Can you hear me, they talk about us...
4890 2 13 The Secret 771 Dwight Listen Temp. I am conducting a little investigation so I'm no longer going to be able to head up spring cleaning. Do you think you can handle it?
4891 2 13 The Secret 771 Ryan Yeah, I think I can handle it.
4892 2 13 The Secret 771 Ryan I think.
4893 2 13 The Secret 771 Dwight Oh God, here.
4894 2 13 The Secret 772 Michael Hey, whatcha gettin'?
4895 2 13 The Secret 772 Jim I'm going with grape.
4896 2 13 The Secret 772 Michael Ah, good stuff, good stuff. Did you see the game last night?
4897 2 13 The Secret 772 Jim Which one?
4898 2 13 The Secret 772 Michael Any of em? So, uh, what's the 411? Any news on the "P" situation?
4899 2 13 The Secret 772 Jim I don't know what you mean.
4900 2 13 The Secret 772 Michael P-A-M. P-A
4901 2 13 The Secret 772 Jim Uh, uh, ok.
4902 2 13 The Secret 772 Michael No it's okay, we're talking code.
4903 2 13 The Secret 772 Stanley What is?
4904 2 13 The Secret 772 Michael Listen Stanley. How long does it take you to pick out a soda?
4905 2 13 The Secret 772 Jim I'm going to take off actually.
4906 2 13 The Secret 772 Michael Alright, well, cool. Still deciding?
4907 2 13 The Secret 772 Stanley Hmm?
4908 2 13 The Secret 772 Michael Peach iced tea. You're going to hate it.
4909 2 13 The Secret 773 Dwight Hey Oscar how ya doin'? Dwight Schrute calling. Listen a little question for you, buddy. I called six minutes ago and no one answered. So I was wondering if you could explain. Oh, I see, so. Sounds like you're too sick to come into work but your well enough to go to the pharmacy.
4910 2 13 The Secret 774 Dwight There are several different ways to tell if a perp is lying. The liar will avoid direct eye contact. The liar will cover part of his or her face with his hands, especially the mouth. The liar will perspire. Unfortunately I spoke to Oscar on the phone so none of this is useful.
4911 2 13 The Secret 775 Michael It's Grrrrrrape! Soda.
4912 2 13 The Secret 775 Jim Tony the tiger. You don't hear that much any more.
4913 2 13 The Secret 775 Michael Not so much.
4914 2 13 The Secret 775 Dwight Ok, what is going on here?
4915 2 13 The Secret 775 Michael Nothing.
4916 2 13 The Secret 775 Dwight Oh, really nothing? Fact: You are drinking grape soda. You never drink grape soda. Fact: You are talking to Jim. You never talk to Jim.
4917 2 13 The Secret 775 Michael Fact: I love grape soda. I always have. Fact: Jim and I talk all the time. We tell each other secrets.
4918 2 13 The Secret 775 Dwight Ok. So what is the secret Michael?
4919 2 13 The Secret 775 Jim Um, I had asked Michael if I could head up the Oscar investigation and he said that only Dwight was capable of handling such sensitive material.
4920 2 13 The Secret 775 Dwight Is that true?
4921 2 13 The Secret 775 Michael Um, I don't know, yeah, yeah, yeah it is.
4922 2 13 The Secret 775 Dwight Thank you Michael. I know your telling the truth.
4923 2 13 The Secret 775 Michael Ok.
4924 2 13 The Secret 775 Dwight I can tell. I won't let you down.
4925 2 13 The Secret 775 Michael Good.
4926 2 13 The Secret 775 Jim Thanks.
4927 2 13 The Secret 775 Michael Whooo, nice. That was, that was slick. What are you doin' for lunch?
4928 2 13 The Secret 775 Jim I don't know probably just gonna eat my ham and cheese sandwich in the break room.
4929 2 13 The Secret 775 Michael Oh nonsense , no way, no. Why don't, why don't I take you out to lunch? My treat.
4930 2 13 The Secret 775 Jim No, that's alright, thank you though. It's, I, gotta do some cleaning, should probably stick around here.
4931 2 13 The Secret 775 Michael Hey you know what we could do? We could spread out a blanket in the break room. Have a little picnic order some 'za. Talk about you know who.
4932 2 13 The Secret 775 Jim Oh, ah, no but no. You know what let's go out. That was a good idea. Let's go out.
4933 2 13 The Secret 775 Michael I know just he place.
4934 2 13 The Secret 776 Michael Oh man, you should order milk. Get it?
4935 2 13 The Secret 777 Michael Why do I like Hooters? Well I will give you two reasons, the boobs and the hot wings.
4936 2 13 The Secret 778 Michael Oh, here we go, here we go. Bogy at 3 o'clock. Hi.
4937 2 13 The Secret 778 Dana Hey I'm Dana. Welcome to Hooters.
4938 2 13 The Secret 778 Michael We're not worthy. We're not worthy. Hello Dana, I am Michael and this is Jim and we are brothers.
4939 2 13 The Secret 778 Jim Nope we're not brothers.
4940 2 13 The Secret 778 Michael I'm his boss actually. And I treat him well. I'm taking him out to lunch cause I can afford it and he can have whatever he wants.
4941 2 13 The Secret 778 Jim Can I just have the ham and cheese sandwich, thanks.
4942 2 13 The Secret 778 Dana And for you?
4943 2 13 The Secret 778 Michael Tell me Dana, how is your chicken breast?
4944 2 13 The Secret 778 Dana Oh, it's great. It's served with our world famous wing sauce.
4945 2 13 The Secret 778 Michael Mmmm, sounds yummy. I will have a chicken breast hold the chicken.
4946 2 13 The Secret 778 Dana Is that what you really want?
4947 2 13 The Secret 778 Michael No, I'm gonna have the gourmet hot dog.
4948 2 13 The Secret 778 Dana Great.
4949 2 13 The Secret 779 Dwight Who took all the black ones?
4950 2 13 The Secret 779 Pam That's a communal bowl.
4951 2 13 The Secret 779 Dwight So, how did Oscar sound when he called in?
4952 2 13 The Secret 779 Pam Sick, like lots of sniffling. I don't know.
4953 2 13 The Secret 779 Dwight Sniffling how?
4954 2 13 The Secret 779 Pam Umm. How many different ways are there to sniffle?
4955 2 13 The Secret 779 Dwight Three.
4956 2 13 The Secret 779 Pam Ok, it was the second one.
4957 2 13 The Secret 779 Dwight Ok, good, thank you. That wasn't so hard now was it?
4958 2 13 The Secret 779 Pam Nuh-uh.
4959 2 13 The Secret 780 Michael What do you like best about Pam?
4960 2 13 The Secret 780 Jim Uh, I really don't want to talk about it.
4961 2 13 The Secret 780 Michael Is it her boobs, or...
4962 2 13 The Secret 780 Jim Um, she's easy to talk to I guess and she's got a really good sense of humor.
4963 2 13 The Secret 780 Michael Really?
4964 2 13 The Secret 780 Jim Uh-huh.
4965 2 13 The Secret 780 Michael Never get's any of my jokes.
4966 2 13 The Secret 780 Jim What about you?
4967 2 13 The Secret 780 Michael Her boobs, definitely.
4968 2 13 The Secret 780 Jim Wow, that's not what I meant.
4969 2 13 The Secret 780 Dana Here you go.
4970 2 13 The Secret 780 Michael Oh, thank you.
4971 2 13 The Secret 780 Dana And I understand we have a birthday today.
4972 2 13 The Secret 780 Michael Ohhh happy birthday Jim!
4973 2 13 The Secret 780 Dana Ready girls? Front side.
4974 2 13 The Secret 780 Hooter's Girls You put your front side in; you put your front side out. You put your front side in and shake it all about. You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around. That's what it's all about. Whoo, hoo!
4975 2 13 The Secret 780 Jim Thank you.
4976 2 13 The Secret 780 Michael Woo! Yeah!
4977 2 13 The Secret 780 Jim Thanks, thanks Dana.
4978 2 13 The Secret 780 Michael Thank you very much.
4979 2 13 The Secret 781 Michael Hilarious. Hey.
4980 2 13 The Secret 781 Pam What did you guys talk about?
4981 2 13 The Secret 781 Jim Just you know politics, literature.
4982 2 13 The Secret 781 Pam I hate you.
4983 2 13 The Secret 782 Dwight Quick Oscar update. I have conducted interviews with everyone in the office.
4984 2 13 The Secret 782 Michael Just go to his house and see if he's sick. I could have done this Investigation in like twenty minutes.
4985 2 13 The Secret 782 Dwight Including prep time?
4986 2 13 The Secret 782 Michael Just do it.
4987 2 13 The Secret 783 Ryan If I had to I could clean out my desk in five seconds and nobody would ever know I had ever been here. And I'd forget too.
4988 2 13 The Secret 784 Michael Expenses.
4989 2 13 The Secret 784 Kevin Michael is that a wig?
4990 2 13 The Secret 784 Michael No. It's... I wear it like that sometimes. Is that a wig?
4991 2 13 The Secret 784 Kevin No.
4992 2 13 The Secret 784 Angela This is from Hooters.
4993 2 13 The Secret 784 Michael Yeah, it's a business lunch.
4994 2 13 The Secret 784 Angela Did Toby approve this?
4995 2 13 The Secret 784 Michael No he did not. I don't need his permission.
4996 2 13 The Secret 784 Toby You just got your corporate credit card back. Do you really want me to take it away again?
4997 2 13 The Secret 785 Michael Uhhh it's ridiculous. They took my card away because I spent $80 bucks at a magic shop. What they don't understand is that I bought the stuff to impress potential clients. So business related, right?
4998 2 13 The Secret 786 Michael I put a cigarette through a freakin' quarter. And you know what Toby? They almost bought from us.
4999 2 13 The Secret 786 Toby I'm not processing this.
5000 2 13 The Secret 786 Michael Look Jim needed a relaxing lunch, he has been depressed and it has been affecting his productivity. How is that not work related?
5001 2 13 The Secret 786 Toby He seems fine to me.
5002 2 13 The Secret 786 Michael You're not his friend, you don't know. He is in love with a girl he works with who's engaged. So just cut me some slack. Please?
5003 2 13 The Secret 786 Kelly Pam?
5004 2 13 The Secret 787 Phyllis Angela who would you choose Jim or Roy?
5005 2 13 The Secret 787 Angela It's nobody's business, Phyllis. Roy.
5006 2 13 The Secret 788 Kevin Jim has got it bad for Pam.
5007 2 13 The Secret 788 Creed Oh ho! Which one is Pam?
5008 2 13 The Secret 788 Kevin Well she's the... Hey Michael so do you think Jim will try to break up the wedding?
5009 2 13 The Secret 788 Michael You know what Kevin? Jim is a friend of mine, so the only people that this crush really concerns is Jim and Pam... and me.
5010 2 13 The Secret 789 Dwight As a volunteer Sheriff's Deputy I have been doing surveillance for years. One time I suspected an ex-girlfriend of mine of cheating on me. So I tailed her for six straight nights. Turns out she was, with a couple of guys actually so... mystery solved.
5011 2 13 The Secret 790 Kelly Jim, why didn't you tell me you had a crush on Pam?
5012 2 13 The Secret 791 Jim Well the cats out of the bag. I used to have a crush on Pam and now I don't. Riveting.
5013 2 13 The Secret 792 Pam Hey.
5014 2 13 The Secret 792 Jim Hey.
5015 2 13 The Secret 792 Pam Did you find anything good in your desk?
5016 2 13 The Secret 792 Jim Ah, coupon for a free sandwich.
5017 2 13 The Secret 792 Pam Score.
5018 2 13 The Secret 792 Jim It expired in August, and my cell phone charger from two years ago.
5019 2 13 The Secret 792 Pam Big day.
5020 2 13 The Secret 792 Jim Big day.
5021 2 13 The Secret 792 Jim Hey oh, listen, um, I told Michael on the booze cruise. It's so stupid. Um, I told Michael that I had had a crush on you when you first started here.
5022 2 13 The Secret 792 Pam Oh.
5023 2 13 The Secret 792 Jim Well I thought that, I figured you should hear it from me rather than, I mean you know Michael.
5024 2 13 The Secret 792 Pam Right.
5025 2 13 The Secret 792 Jim And seriously, it's totally not a big deal, ok? And when I found out you were engaged, I mean.
5026 2 13 The Secret 792 Pam No, I know, like, I kind of like, I thought that maybe you did when I first started.
5027 2 13 The Secret 792 Jim Oh you did?
5028 2 13 The Secret 792 Pam No, I mean, just 'cause we like got along so well.
5029 2 13 The Secret 792 Jim No, no, you saw through me, great.
5030 2 13 The Secret 792 Pam So are you going to be like totally awkward around me now?
5031 2 13 The Secret 792 Jim Oh yeah, yeah... hope that's okay.
5032 2 13 The Secret 792 Pam Mmm, hmm.
5033 2 13 The Secret 792 Jim And Pam it was like three years ago so I am totally over it.
5034 2 13 The Secret 792 Pam Cool.
5035 2 13 The Secret 792 Jim Ok.
5036 2 13 The Secret 793 Dwight Stay low... This is it... There he is. He's been gone for at least two hours. Who is that? Come to Papa... Oh yes. Let's roll. I knew it! You are so busted. Ice skates, shopping bags? I think I know what's going on here. You weren't sick at all.
5037 2 13 The Secret 793 Gil Who's this?
5038 2 13 The Secret 793 Dwight This is Dwight Schrute. Who is this?
5039 2 13 The Secret 793 Gil Gil.
5040 2 13 The Secret 793 Oscar Are you going to tell Michael?
5041 2 13 The Secret 793 Dwight How bout this. I don't tell Michael and in exchange you owe me one great big giant favor. Redeemable by me at a time and place of my choosing.
5042 2 13 The Secret 794 Dwight Guess what I found out about Oscar tonight? He was lying about being sick. Should I have reported Oscar's malfeasance. Hmm, probably, but now I know something he doesn't want me to know. So I can use his malfeasance to establish leverage. Otherwise, it's just malfeasance for malfeasanceses-ses sake.
5043 2 13 The Secret 795 Jim Hey.
5044 2 13 The Secret 795 Michael I know, I know, I know.
5045 2 13 The Secret 795 Jim Umm, what happened?
5046 2 13 The Secret 795 Michael I, oh, just, um, I know I was trying to, expense reports. And then God, Toby, you know he just... I know. I'm just, I just hope that, I just hope that this doesn't affect our friendship! Stupid, this is so stupid.
5047 2 13 The Secret 795 Jim Hey, hey, wow, wow. Listen man it's, you know what. It's not a big deal.
5048 2 13 The Secret 795 Michael Ok, I'm fine, no I know, I'm good, I'm good, it's just.
5049 2 13 The Secret 795 Jim Look its one day, everything's gonna be alright. No big deal. You good?
5050 2 13 The Secret 795 Michael Yeah I'm good.
5051 2 13 The Secret 795 Jim Good.
5052 2 13 The Secret 796 Ryan Creed did you organize the menu book?
5053 2 13 The Secret 796 Creed Oh, I thought that was more on a volunteer basis.
5054 2 13 The Secret 796 Ryan No, that was mandatory.
5055 2 13 The Secret 796 Creed Oh, I thought it was a volunteer thing.
5056 2 13 The Secret 797 Pam Hey, here's your schedule for next week. Are you okay?
5057 2 13 The Secret 797 Michael Yeah I'm fine. Look, about you and Jim.
5058 2 13 The Secret 797 Pam Oh, no, that's, you don't have to.
5059 2 13 The Secret 797 Michael No, I feel it's my responsibility as your boss slash friend.
5060 2 13 The Secret 797 Pam No, really, it's okay. I know that Jim had, like a crush on me when he first started. But that was a long time ago, so.
5061 2 13 The Secret 797 Michael It wasn't that long ago. It was on the booze cruise.
5062 2 13 The Secret 797 Pam Jim had a crush on me on the booze cruise or he told you about it on the booze cruise?
5063 2 13 The Secret 797 Michael Yehhh, okay, shuuttt it Michael. I'm done. That's it. I'm out.
5064 2 13 The Secret 798 Jim Ready?
5065 2 13 The Secret 798 Pam Yep.
5066 2 13 The Secret 799 Michael People are always coming to me. "Michael, I have a secret. Your the only one I trust." No thanks, because keeping a secret can only lead to trouble. Like I was watching Cinemax last weekend. This movie, Portrait of a... Prostitute something. Secrets of a Call... More Secrets of a Call Girl. And the lead character, Shila, is framed for murder. She goes on the run and winds up working at a bordello in Malibu. I don't, I don't want to live like that. I like it here. I don't want to be Shila, I like being Michael Scott.
5067 2 14 The Carpet 800 Ryan What?
5068 2 14 The Carpet 800 Jim Oh, nothing.
5069 2 14 The Carpet 801 Jim Pam's on vacation and she gets back tomorrow, so it'll be nice to see her. It'll be nice, and, uh, she set a date for the wedding with Roy. Uh... June. Summer. So, that'll be nice. And that's that.
5070 2 14 The Carpet 802 Ryan What?
5071 2 14 The Carpet 802 Jim Oh, nothing.
5072 2 14 The Carpet 803 Ryan Jim's been looking at me kind of a lot all week. I would be creeped out by it, but it's nothing compared to the way Michael looks at me.
5073 2 14 The Carpet 804 Michael Spamster!
5074 2 14 The Carpet 804 Pam Um, Pam plus Spam plus...?
5075 2 14 The Carpet 804 Michael Hamster.
5076 2 14 The Carpet 804 Pam Right.
5077 2 14 The Carpet 804 Michael Welcome back! How was your vacation?
5078 2 14 The Carpet 804 Pam It was great.
5079 2 14 The Carpet 804 Michael Yeah?
5080 2 14 The Carpet 804 Pam Mm-hm.
5081 2 14 The Carpet 804 Michael Did you get lucky? Oh! Boink!
5082 2 14 The Carpet 805 Pam Roy and I just got back from the Poconos. I get ten vacation days a year, and I try to hold off taking them for as long as possible, and this year I got to the third week in January.
5083 2 14 The Carpet 806 Michael I am Pam. Spicoli guy. Oh, God. Names, numbers. Okay. Whoa! God! Yuck, yuck. Yuck. Yuck!
5084 2 14 The Carpet 806 Pam What?
5085 2 14 The Carpet 806 Michael Wow! What happened in there?
5086 2 14 The Carpet 806 Pam I don't know.
5087 2 14 The Carpet 806 Michael There is stink in there, my God! What is... what is that?
5088 2 14 The Carpet 806 Pam Oh... I don't know.
5089 2 14 The Carpet 806 Michael Is it a bird?
5090 2 14 The Carpet 806 Pam No, I don't think it's a bird.
5091 2 14 The Carpet 806 Michael Oh, God! How could that happen? How could... right in the middle of the carpet.
5092 2 14 The Carpet 806 Kevin What's goin' on?
5093 2 14 The Carpet 806 Michael Um, somebody vomited right in the middle of the carpet in my office.
5094 2 14 The Carpet 806 Kevin I don't think that's vomit.
5095 2 14 The Carpet 806 Michael Check it out.
5096 2 14 The Carpet 806 Kevin Me?
5097 2 14 The Carpet 806 Michael Check it out. Don't be a wuss, just get... no, I'm not holding your coffee.
5098 2 14 The Carpet 806 Kevin Oh, that's ridiculous.
5099 2 14 The Carpet 806 Michael What is it?
5100 2 14 The Carpet 806 Kevin Michael.
5101 2 14 The Carpet 806 Michael What is it? No, just tell me what it is.
5102 2 14 The Carpet 806 Kevin Michael, I ... I ... I gotta get outta here. I can't hold my breath that long.
5103 2 14 The Carpet 806 Pam Open the door up!
5104 2 14 The Carpet 807 Pam, others Phew. Oh! No, mm-mm.
5105 2 14 The Carpet 807 Michael I cannot believe a pipe burst and left that in there.
5106 2 14 The Carpet 807 Toby That's no burst pipe.
5107 2 14 The Carpet 807 Michael How do you know that? What is it, then?
5108 2 14 The Carpet 807 Creed Hi guys. Somebody makin' soup?
5109 2 14 The Carpet 808 Michael Here she comes. All cleaned? Great.
5110 2 14 The Carpet 808 Dwight It's still stinky.
5111 2 14 The Carpet 808 Michael That is worse.
5112 2 14 The Carpet 809 Michael I am a big Fear Factor fan. I'm a big fan of anything Joe Rogan does, actually, so this is sort of like my audition tape. Um... I can't stand it , I can't stay in here another second. No!
5113 2 14 The Carpet 810 Jim Hey! Welcome back!
5114 2 14 The Carpet 810 Pam Thanks!
5115 2 14 The Carpet 810 Jim So, how was the resort? Did you ski a lot?
5116 2 14 The Carpet 810 Pam A little.
5117 2 14 The Carpet 810 Jim Good! What's goin' on here?
5118 2 14 The Carpet 811 Jim What? I did not do that. That sounds disgusting.
5119 2 14 The Carpet 812 Ryan It wasn't me. Um... it wasn't me. It was not me.
5120 2 14 The Carpet 813 Jim Oh. Wow.
5121 2 14 The Carpet 813 Michael Hey Jim. I thought that we would be desk buddies while they changed my carpet.
5122 2 14 The Carpet 813 Jim That might be a little difficult with the one computer.
5123 2 14 The Carpet 813 Michael Oh... It's ...
5124 2 14 The Carpet 813 Jim But there's definitely a desk open in the back.
5125 2 14 The Carpet 813 Michael Yeah ...
5126 2 14 The Carpet 813 Jim ...which I guess I'll be taking.
5127 2 14 The Carpet 813 Michael No, no, no! Seriously, I don't mind sharing.
5128 2 14 The Carpet 813 Jim No, no, no, seriously, I'll be in the back.
5129 2 14 The Carpet 814 Jim Hey, Kelly.
5130 2 14 The Carpet 814 Kelly Are you moving back here?
5131 2 14 The Carpet 814 Jim Um, just for the day while Michael's at my desk.
5132 2 14 The Carpet 814 Kelly Because Toby used to sit there, but he had to move over there because of an allergy.
5133 2 14 The Carpet 814 Jim Allergy to... the desk?
5134 2 14 The Carpet 814 Kelly Weird.
5135 2 14 The Carpet 815 Michael Yeah, yeah, yeah. Old bullpen.
5136 2 14 The Carpet 815 Dwight Ha ha ha... the old bullpen.
5137 2 14 The Carpet 815 Michael Don't ape me.
5138 2 14 The Carpet 815 Dwight Okay.
5139 2 14 The Carpet 815 Michael This is great.
5140 2 14 The Carpet 815 Dwight Yeah!
5141 2 14 The Carpet 815 Michael The pressures of my office are insane.
5142 2 14 The Carpet 815 Dwight Mm.
5143 2 14 The Carpet 815 Michael I just... you couldn't understand, but man, you guys have it so easy out here, you know? I used to sit right here.
5144 2 14 The Carpet 815 Dwight No way!
5145 2 14 The Carpet 815 Michael Yeah.
5146 2 14 The Carpet 815 Dwight And who had your office?
5147 2 14 The Carpet 816 Michael Ed Truck. Ed Truck was the manager before me. Horrible. He hated fun. It was like, "Oh, Ed Truck is walking toward us. Stop having fun. Start pretending to do work." What a jerk. He's... You know what? I swore to myself that if I ever got to walk around the room as manager, people would laugh when they saw me coming and would applaud as I walked away.
5148 2 14 The Carpet 817 Kelly I'm serious. My closet doors will not shut. I mean, it only takes so long to measure to make sure that clothes will hang up because aren't all hangers like that big? So I don't understand why the closet engineer didn't think of that. So now I'm doing this new thing where I just leave piles of clothes on the floor and then I walk around the piles to get an outfit...
5149 2 14 The Carpet 818 Michael You know who used to sit at that desk?
5150 2 14 The Carpet 818 Dwight That guy Miles who quit to form his own company?
5151 2 14 The Carpet 818 Michael Mm-mm. Todd Packer.
5152 2 14 The Carpet 818 Dwight No!
5153 2 14 The Carpet 818 Michael Yeah.
5154 2 14 The Carpet 818 Dwight I thought he was out on the road.
5155 2 14 The Carpet 818 Michael He was, but, uh... that desk was empty. He'd come in and sit there sometimes.
5156 2 14 The Carpet 818 Dwight Ah.
5157 2 14 The Carpet 819 Michael I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.
5158 2 14 The Carpet 819 Stanley Excuse me one second, please. What is it that you need right now that you can't wait until I'm off the phone with a customer?
5159 2 14 The Carpet 819 Michael Oh, a customer, well, sound the alarm. Okay.
5160 2 14 The Carpet 820 Michael Another time, Packer held this guy's head in the toilet for like a minute. Guy had no sense of humor about it. Probably why he wasn't hired.
5161 2 14 The Carpet 821 Creed What did you hit me for?
5162 2 14 The Carpet 821 Michael Charley horse!
5163 2 14 The Carpet 821 Creed What?
5164 2 14 The Carpet 821 Michael Charley horse!
5165 2 14 The Carpet 821 Creed You shouldn't have hit me, Michael.
5166 2 14 The Carpet 821 Michael Oh, okay. Gah.
5167 2 14 The Carpet 822 Michael Once, as a joke, Packer banged every chick in the office. It was hysterical.
5168 2 14 The Carpet 823 Kelly Beyonce, pink the color, Pink the person, hot dogs, basically anything that is awesome. Snow cones...
5169 2 14 The Carpet 823 Ryan Hey Jim, Michael wanted me to ask you how to raise your desk chair.
5170 2 14 The Carpet 823 Jim It's the lever on the side.
5171 2 14 The Carpet 823 Ryan That's what I told him. Thanks.
5172 2 14 The Carpet 823 Kelly Oh my God, he is so cute! Would you talk to him for me and see if he likes me?
5173 2 14 The Carpet 823 Jim No, I don't think I can...
5174 2 14 The Carpet 824 Michael Dwight.
5175 2 14 The Carpet 824 Dwight Michael.
5176 2 14 The Carpet 824 Michael Let's send up Accounting.
5177 2 14 The Carpet 824 Dwight What?
5178 2 14 The Carpet 824 Michael Old fashioned raid. Sales on Accounting. Yeah. Follow my lead.
5179 2 14 The Carpet 825 Michael Hey guys.
5180 2 14 The Carpet 825 Oscar Hey, Michael.
5181 2 14 The Carpet 825 Michael Ahem. What's up?
5182 2 14 The Carpet 825 Oscar Hey, Dwight.
5183 2 14 The Carpet 825 Michael, Dwight Ahhhh! Whoo hoo! Come on, come on, come on, come on! Sales rules!
5184 2 14 The Carpet 825 Dwight Yeah!
5185 2 14 The Carpet 825 Michael Yeah! Oh ho ho
5186 2 14 The Carpet 825 Dwight Should we help 'em pick up their stuff?
5187 2 14 The Carpet 825 Michael No, no, no, no. We don't do that. We don't do that.
5188 2 14 The Carpet 825 Dwight Okay.
5189 2 14 The Carpet 825 Michael Watch out, Pam. You're next!
5190 2 14 The Carpet 825 Pam You're gonna throw my things on the ground?
5191 2 14 The Carpet 825 Michael Maybe!
5192 2 14 The Carpet 826 Oscar What happened in Michael's office was wrong. I understand it , it makes sense But it... it was still wrong.
5193 2 14 The Carpet 827 Michael Why would somebody ruin a perfectly good carpet? I don't know. It could be done out of hate. It could be done out of love. It could be completely neutral. Maybe somebody hates the cleaning lady. And, well, she doesn't do a very good job, obviously, because my office still reeks like you would not believe. I hate her.
5194 2 14 The Carpet 828 Michael You know what? I am beginning to think that what happened to my carpet was an act of terrorism against the office. The only thing that makes any sense.
5195 2 14 The Carpet 829 Dwight Hello, am I the 107th caller? Hello, Rock 107. Am I the 107th caller? Hell , Rock 107. Am I the 107th caller? I'm totally gonna win us that box set.
5196 2 14 The Carpet 829 Michael Stop.
5197 2 14 The Carpet 829 Dwight Jethro Tull...
5198 2 14 The Carpet 829 Michael Stop it. Stop. It. Don't. Don't.
5199 2 14 The Carpet 829 Dwight I need to make a sales call. Please?
5200 2 14 The Carpet 829 Michael All right.
5201 2 14 The Carpet 829 Dwight Am I the 107th caller?
5202 2 14 The Carpet 830 Pam ...back so soon.
5203 2 14 The Carpet 830 Roy We can go back in, like, a couple of weeks maybe.
5204 2 14 The Carpet 830 Pam Yeah, right.
5205 2 14 The Carpet 830 Roy Okay, maybe another month, like, maybe for, like President's Day or something.
5206 2 14 The Carpet 830 Pam Yeah, that's right. We could do a three-day weekend. I wonder if I could, like, call in sick on the Friday. Then I get a four-day weekend.
5207 2 14 The Carpet 831 Kelly But it's so weird to fall asleep. And I just hate it. 'Cause I try to go to bed at, like, 9:30.
5208 2 14 The Carpet 832 Pam Are you kidding?
5209 2 14 The Carpet 832 Roy No.
5210 2 14 The Carpet 833 Michael Hi, guys.
5211 2 14 The Carpet 833 Angela We haven't finished getting things in order from your last visit.
5212 2 14 The Carpet 833 Michael I'm just walking around.
5213 2 14 The Carpet 833 Angela Were you?
5214 2 14 The Carpet 833 Michael Well, yeah.
5215 2 14 The Carpet 833 Oscar It's just that we're really swamped over here, Michael.
5216 2 14 The Carpet 833 Michael Oh, and I'm not? Why would you say that? Because I'm having fun? You guys just are workin' for the weekend, aren't you? I'm workin' for the week. Sales team, listen to me. This is what we're gonna do. I'm gonna up the ante a little bit literally. Right here, I'm gonna put a crisp one hundred dollar bill. The person with the most sales at the end of the day gets to keep the cash. Sound good?
5217 2 14 The Carpet 833 Dwight Yeah!
5218 2 14 The Carpet 833 Michael Seventy, eighty, one, two three. Eighty-three dollars. Still a lotta money and I'm going to ... ... I'm gonna leave it right over here where everybody can see it. I will be taking Jim's clients today because he is not here and out of sight, out of the contest. Let's see who winds up with the cash, shall we?
5219 2 14 The Carpet 833 Phyllis You're gonna compete against us?
5220 2 14 The Carpet 833 Michael Oh, it is on, Phyllis, it is so on!
5221 2 14 The Carpet 833 Dwight It is so on!
5222 2 14 The Carpet 833 Michael God, this is gonna be fun.
5223 2 14 The Carpet 833 Dwight Michael is gonna wipe the floor with us!
5224 2 14 The Carpet 834 Michael So you have 40 boxes going out, and I will deliver those personally in a Sebring. Very good, nice doing business with you. Thank you. Yes! Oh, yeah! Read it and weep. Oh! Oh, look at that! Look at me, Phyllis! Oh, what is that? That's my sale!
5225 2 14 The Carpet 834 Darryl What... What's that? Whatcha doing?
5226 2 14 The Carpet 834 Michael Nothing.
5227 2 14 The Carpet 834 Roy I think he's dancing.
5228 2 14 The Carpet 834 Michael No. Just ...
5229 2 14 The Carpet 834 Darryl That was definitely not dancing.
5230 2 14 The Carpet 834 Michael You know what, guys? It's none of your concern. It was official business, so just...
5231 2 14 The Carpet 834 Darryl Paper business.
5232 2 14 The Carpet 834 Michael Yeah, paper business. Is this done?
5233 2 14 The Carpet 834 Roy Nope.
5234 2 14 The Carpet 834 Michael Extreme Home Makeover puts together a house in an hour. If you were on that crew, you would be fired like that.
5235 2 14 The Carpet 835 Pam Somebody did something bad to Michael's carpet. Maybe that's all we need to know.
5236 2 14 The Carpet 836 Creed Who do you think did it?
5237 2 14 The Carpet 836 Oscar Are you kidding? I thought it was you.
5238 2 14 The Carpet 836 Creed Really? I thought you.
5239 2 14 The Carpet 837 Michael This was no act of God. A person did this. A person who works in this office. Maybe all of them.
5240 2 14 The Carpet 838 Michael You know what? Today is not a good day for a sales contest. We're... we're not... we're not doin' this today.
5241 2 14 The Carpet 838 Pam That doesn't seem fair.
5242 2 14 The Carpet 838 Michael You wanna talk about fair? Does anyone need to smell my old carpet? You explain to me how that was fair, and I'll explain to you how this is fair. Plus I just... I think that picking today was sort of taking advantage.
5243 2 14 The Carpet 838 Dwight But you're the one who picked today.
5244 2 14 The Carpet 838 Michael I am a victim of a hate crime. Stanley knows what I'm talkin' about.
5245 2 14 The Carpet 838 Stanley That's not what a hate crime is.
5246 2 14 The Carpet 838 Michael Well I hated it! A lot! Okay, I... you know what? If the guilty person would just come forward and take their punishment, we'd be done . Very well. Then you are all punished.
5247 2 14 The Carpet 838 Pam What's our punishment?
5248 2 14 The Carpet 838 Michael You're all on a time out. Just sit there quietly. No. NO!
5249 2 14 The Carpet 839 Jim Hey!
5250 2 14 The Carpet 839 Ryan What's up?
5251 2 14 The Carpet 839 Jim Nothing much. Let me ask you something. It's actually little awkward.
5252 2 14 The Carpet 839 Ryan What?
5253 2 14 The Carpet 839 Jim What do you think of Kelly?
5254 2 14 The Carpet 839 Ryan I don't know. Depends if you like a little junk in ... Umm... She's really cool.
5255 2 14 The Carpet 839 Jim Are you interested in her?
5256 2 14 The Carpet 839 Ryan Yeah, totally.
5257 2 14 The Carpet 839 Jim Really?
5258 2 14 The Carpet 839 Ryan Did she say something?
5259 2 14 The Carpet 839 Jim She said lots of things.
5260 2 14 The Carpet 839 Ryan Do you know if she's looking for a long-term thing or if she'd be cool just hangin' out?
5261 2 14 The Carpet 839 Jim I have no idea.
5262 2 14 The Carpet 839 Ryan Can you find out?
5263 2 14 The Carpet 839 Jim Yeah. Sure.
5264 2 14 The Carpet 840 Kelly Oh, long-term, definitely. Fall in love, have babies, spend every second together... but don't tell him that, okay? Just tell him I'm, like, up for anything. I mean, I'm not a slut, but who knows?
5265 2 14 The Carpet 841 Michael Do you remember Ed Truck?
5266 2 14 The Carpet 841 Creed Sure. He hired me. How's he doing?
5267 2 14 The Carpet 841 Michael How would I know?
5268 2 14 The Carpet 841 Creed I thought you might.
5269 2 14 The Carpet 841 Michael My biggest fear is turning into him.
5270 2 14 The Carpet 841 Creed Michael, you should have much bigger fears than that.
5271 2 14 The Carpet 841 Michael I wasn't talking literally, Creed. Yeah, being buried alive would be worse. Happy? Why am I talking to you?
5272 2 14 The Carpet 842 Michael Ed? Hi. Thanks for meeting me. Must be kinda neat comin' back.
5273 2 14 The Carpet 842 Ed Yeah. Should we go upstairs?
5274 2 14 The Carpet 842 Michael Uh, well, honestly Ed, I really don't wanna be up there right now.
5275 2 14 The Carpet 842 Ed So, what's the problem with my pension?
5276 2 14 The Carpet 842 Michael Oh, no, no, no. You're good. It was clerical. You're good. Um, well, somebody did something in my office, and I now think that they did it on purpose and it was directed at me.
5277 2 14 The Carpet 842 Ed Well, what was done?
5278 2 14 The Carpet 842 Michael I didn't get a good look at... it, but it smells horrible.
5279 2 14 The Carpet 842 Ed Yeah, somebody once did that in my office.
5280 2 14 The Carpet 842 Michael Really?
5281 2 14 The Carpet 842 Ed Yeah.
5282 2 14 The Carpet 842 Michael Well, that figures. So how did you deal with people not liking you?
5283 2 14 The Carpet 842 Ed You can't expect to be friends with everybody.
5284 2 14 The Carpet 842 Michael Well... s-sure I can.
5285 2 14 The Carpet 842 Ed No. They'll always think of you as a boss first.
5286 2 14 The Carpet 842 Michael Not necessarily. You can love a boss like you do a father.
5287 2 14 The Carpet 842 Ed I'm not sure that ever happens.
5288 2 14 The Carpet 842 Michael Well, okay. Different management styles.
5289 2 14 The Carpet 842 Ed Why can't your workers be your workers, family be your family, your friends be your friends?
5290 2 14 The Carpet 843 Michael Last week I would have given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would have reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them. But now, no. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask, so they can hear me say, "Uh... no. I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney."
5291 2 14 The Carpet 844 Jim Hey, Brenda. This is, uh, Jim Halpert from the boat. And I got your number from the corporate directory and, well, I was assuming that you probably gave it to them because you wanted me to ask you out, right? Um, so gimme a call back. You can get my number from said directory, um, or just check your e-mail 'cause I just sent you one. Yikes. Uh... give me a call back, I hope. I'll talk to you later. Bye.
5292 2 14 The Carpet 844 Kelly You just asked a girl out on the phone!
5293 2 14 The Carpet 844 Jim Yep.
5294 2 14 The Carpet 845 Michael Yes.
5295 2 14 The Carpet 845 Todd Packer Hello, yes. I'm looking for a gay nerd named Michael Scott.
5296 2 14 The Carpet 845 Michael Who is this? How did you get this number?
5297 2 14 The Carpet 845 Packer Your mom, you gay nerd!
5298 2 14 The Carpet 845 Michael Oh my God. Packer. Packster. Whacky Pack. How you doin'?
5299 2 14 The Carpet 845 Todd Packer Hey, did you get that package I left for you?
5300 2 14 The Carpet 845 Michael Uh... no. Did anybody see a package here today? No. How big was it?
5301 2 14 The Carpet 845 Packer It was pretty big.
5302 2 14 The Carpet 845 Michael Really?
5303 2 14 The Carpet 845 Packer Yeah.
5304 2 14 The Carpet 845 Michael Did you see a big package? Where did you leave it?
5305 2 14 The Carpet 845 Packer Left it in the middle of your office.
5306 2 14 The Carpet 845 Michael Really? Guys, did you see a big package in my office?
5307 2 14 The Carpet 845 Roy You mean the thing?
5308 2 14 The Carpet 845 Michael Are you kidding me? Oh!
5309 2 14 The Carpet 845 Packer Special delivery!
5310 2 14 The Carpet 845 Michael That was Packer! Oh, you're... you are dead. You are dead, my friend! That is hilar... Oh, God! Of course it was you.
5311 2 14 The Carpet 845 Packer Sit on the throne, Michael.
5312 2 14 The Carpet 845 Michael Oh. Yeah, yeah! Oh my God. It was Packer!
5313 2 14 The Carpet 846 Michael It takes an advanced sense of humor. I don't expect everybody to understand. It was done out of love, just like I thought. It's ah... God, these people are so... these are good people. We have fun. We just have fun! Oh, I'm just so sorry that I threw the thing out.
5314 2 14 The Carpet 847 Jim's voicemail You have seven unheard messages.
5315 2 14 The Carpet 847 Pam Hey, Jim. It's Pam. I keep looking up to say something to you and then Michael's there and it's horrible. Anyway, I'm bored. Come back!
5316 2 14 The Carpet 848 Pam Hey, guess what? I moved my computer so I can't see Michael's head. It's working. I think I can have a career as a very specific type of decorator.
5317 2 14 The Carpet 849 Pam Sudoku. Level moderate. 18 minutes. Suck on that, Halpert.
5318 2 14 The Carpet 850 Pam I'll transfer you. Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Hold, please. Dunder Mifflin, this is ... okay, sorry. Michael was standing at my desk, and I needed to be busy or who knows what would've happened, so thank you.
5319 2 14 The Carpet 851 Pam Hey, what's that word we made up when you have a thing stuck in your shoe? Anyway, I have a thing stuck in my shoe.
5320 2 14 The Carpet 852 Pam Hey, I have a chance to sneak out of here early, and I'm not messing this up, so I'll see you tomorrow.
5321 2 14 The Carpet 853 Pam Calling from my cell phone. I don't know if you guys figured out who did that to Michael's carpet yet, but I have a theory that involves an inter-departmental conspiracy. Everybody in the office. We need to talk.
5322 2 15 Boys & Girls 854 Jan So, I'm happy to be here. It's very nice to see all of you. You're all looking well.
5323 2 15 Boys & Girls 855 Pam Today's a 'women in the workplace' thing. Jan's coming in from Corporate to talk to all the women about... um... I don't really know what. But Michael's not allowed in. She said that about five times.
5324 2 15 Boys & Girls 856 Jan Women today, though we have the same options as men, we often face a very different set of obstacles in getting there. So...
5325 2 15 Boys & Girls 856 Michael Hey, what's going on?
5326 2 15 Boys & Girls 856 Jan Michael... I thought we agreed you wouldn't be here.
5327 2 15 Boys & Girls 856 Michael Yeah... I... You know what... I... I... I just thought about it. I just have a few things I want to say.
5328 2 15 Boys & Girls 856 Jan What are you doing?
5329 2 15 Boys & Girls 856 Michael Hold... Just hear me out. What is more important than Quality? E-Quality. Now studies show that today's woman, the Ally McBeal woman, as I call her, is at a crossroads...
5330 2 15 Boys & Girls 856 Jan Michael.
5331 2 15 Boys & Girls 856 Michael No, just uh... you have come a long way, baby. But I just... just want to keep it within reason.
5332 2 15 Boys & Girls 856 Jan Michael.
5333 2 15 Boys & Girls 856 Michael They did this up in Albany...
5334 2 15 Boys & Girls 856 Jan You are not allowed in this session.
5335 2 15 Boys & Girls 856 Michael And they ended up turning the break room into a lactation room which is disgusting so...
5336 2 15 Boys & Girls 856 Jan Now you're really not allowed in this session.
5337 2 15 Boys & Girls 856 Michael Well, I'm their boss, so I feel like...
5338 2 15 Boys & Girls 856 Jan I'm your boss.
5339 2 15 Boys & Girls 856 Michael Anybody want any coffee or...
5340 2 15 Boys & Girls 856 Jan We're fine, Michael. We just need you to leave, please.
5341 2 15 Boys & Girls 857 Michael Women in the workplace... yeah, translation "I have been banned from my own conference room so that Jan can talk in secret to all the girls." Oh! Sorry. 'Women of the workplace.' About what? I don't know. Clothes. Me. Eeegkh!
5342 2 15 Boys & Girls 858 Jan Ladies, I am so, so sorry. Can we start again? We were on such a roll. I... I... really apologize.
5343 2 15 Boys & Girls 858 Pam Jan.
5344 2 15 Boys & Girls 858 Jan Yes, Pam?
5345 2 15 Boys & Girls 858 Pam Michael's still at the door.
5346 2 15 Boys & Girls 858 Jan Michael!
5347 2 15 Boys & Girls 859 Jan So one obstacle is how assertiveness is perceived differently in men and women. Men who are assertive will be admired. They're called... anyone?
5348 2 15 Boys & Girls 860 Dwight It's a terrible idea.
5349 2 15 Boys & Girls 860 Jim What is?
5350 2 15 Boys & Girls 860 Dwight Them in there all together. If they stay in there too long they're going to get on the same cycle. Wreak havoc on our plumbing.
5351 2 15 Boys & Girls 861 Michael Everyone. Guys. Circle up, please. Come on over. Bring your chairs. Toby, come on over. You're a guy... too... sort of. Let's do this!
5352 2 15 Boys & Girls 862 Michael Well, first of all, I, uh, just want to warm up a little bit. Let's just clap.
5353 2 15 Boys & Girls 863 Michael Let's just clap. Ready? Yeah! Yeah!
5354 2 15 Boys & Girls 863 Dwight Yeah!
5355 2 15 Boys & Girls 863 Michael That's what I'm talking about!
5356 2 15 Boys & Girls 863 Jan I don't know what you're doing here, Michael,
5357 2 15 Boys & Girls 863 Michael Just having a little 'guys in the workplace' thing.
5358 2 15 Boys & Girls 863 Jan ... but it's very destructive.
5359 2 15 Boys & Girls 863 Michael Why can't boys play with dolls? Why does society force us to use urinals when sitting down is far more comfortable?
5360 2 15 Boys & Girls 863 Jan Can you please do this somewhere else, Michael?
5361 2 15 Boys & Girls 863 Michael We have nowhere else Jan. This...
5362 2 15 Boys & Girls 863 Dwight We could do it in the warehouse.
5363 2 15 Boys & Girls 863 Jan Dwight, excellent idea. Go to the warehouse.
5364 2 15 Boys & Girls 863 Michael OK, OK, Fine. Yeah, actually, perfect. Perfect. You know what? There's another side to this place, gentleman. And I know we all love our cushy jobs and our fun, exciting office. But do you realize that underneath us, there's another world. The warehouse world. A world that is teeming with sweat and dirt and life. Life. The bowels of the office. These guys are down there, they are real men doing real man's work. We are going to learn how a warehouse works.
5365 2 15 Boys & Girls 864 Michael Oh, I think it's going to work out great. Because managing the warehouse is a very important part of my job. And I haven't been there in months.
5366 2 15 Boys & Girls 865 Dwight Remember on Lost when they met the Others?
5367 2 15 Boys & Girls 866 Jan I'm so sorry about that... um... so where were we? Pam, are you okay taking notes then?
5368 2 15 Boys & Girls 866 Pam Mmmhmm.
5369 2 15 Boys & Girls 866 Jan Please? Thank you. very much.
5370 2 15 Boys & Girls 867 Michael So let's meet the warehouse! Let's get some shots. Pan around there. This is Darryl, one of our warehouse staff. Darryl, what is your biggest fear?
5371 2 15 Boys & Girls 867 Darryl My biggest fear is that someone will distract us from getting all the shipments out on time.
5372 2 15 Boys & Girls 867 Michael You know, Darryl is actually the Foreman here and not Roy, which is cool. There's Roy riding the big rig. So Roy is actually going to be marrying Pam sometime this summer. And... uh, she's our receptionist. Sort of a Brangelina thing.
5373 2 15 Boys & Girls 867 Roy Why?
5374 2 15 Boys & Girls 867 Michael Brangelina is the Brad Pitt and Angelina... Roy...
5375 2 15 Boys & Girls 867 Roy I don't understand.
5376 2 15 Boys & Girls 867 Michael Roy and Pam. It's a Ram. It's a Ram thing.
5377 2 15 Boys & Girls 867 Kevin I bet Roy heard about you liking Pam. I bet he'll try to beat you up.
5378 2 15 Boys & Girls 867 Jim Thanks for the head's up, Kev.
5379 2 15 Boys & Girls 867 Kevin I've got your back if he does. But try to stay out of it.
5380 2 15 Boys & Girls 868 Michael Uhhuhhuh. Just in case there's someone down here who shouldn't be. A little "Good Will Hunting" situation. All right. Troops. This is an important day. Big day. Now you may look around and see two groups here. White collar. Blue collar. But I don't see it that way. And you know why not? Because I am collar-blind.
5381 2 15 Boys & Girls 869 Jan Why don't we go around the table and all say something that we know we're good at. I will start. I am good at public speaking.
5382 2 15 Boys & Girls 869 Meredith Hi. I'm Meredith and I'm an alch... good at supplier relations.
5383 2 15 Boys & Girls 869 Jan Great. Phyllis?
5384 2 15 Boys & Girls 869 Phyllis I'm good at computer stuff, emails, spreadsheets, all that.
5385 2 15 Boys & Girls 869 Angela Really?
5386 2 15 Boys & Girls 869 Phyllis I don't know. I thought that I wasn't going to be asked that...
5387 2 15 Boys & Girls 869 Jan No. Okay. Stop. Go on...
5388 2 15 Boys & Girls 869 Angela I've seen some of your spreadsheets.
5389 2 15 Boys & Girls 869 Phyllis Really? I thought they were pretty...
5390 2 15 Boys & Girls 870 Pam I don't know how I fit in with these women. Here. Or with Jan. Um... I mean we get along great. Fine. Um... I guess the person I have the most in common with is...
5391 2 15 Boys & Girls 871 Roy Jim... Halpert. Hey uh, I, uh, you know heard there's a rumor going around about you used to have a crush on Pam.
5392 2 15 Boys & Girls 871 Jim Oh, no, no. No.
5393 2 15 Boys & Girls 871 Roy No, it's cool, because I know you're a good guy. And I know that that crush ended a long time ago, so... you know. We're cool, right?
5394 2 15 Boys & Girls 871 Jim Yeah. Nope. Yeah. Definitely.
5395 2 15 Boys & Girls 871 Roy You know, it's great with me cause that way, glad she has a friend at work she can get through the day with. She's not all bap bap bap bap when she gets home.
5396 2 15 Boys & Girls 871 Jim Yeah. I like talking to her too.
5397 2 15 Boys & Girls 871 Roy So, we're cool, right?
5398 2 15 Boys & Girls 871 Jim Yes. Yeah.
5399 2 15 Boys & Girls 871 Roy All right.
5400 2 15 Boys & Girls 871 Jim Yep. Cool, man.
5401 2 15 Boys & Girls 871 Roy Sweet.
5402 2 15 Boys & Girls 872 Darryl Hey, Mike, look. How bout we go upstairs, too. You know learn how the office works. We can all switch places today.
5403 2 15 Boys & Girls 872 Michael Oh... well... okay... yeah, you know what? I don't think... You.. You're... My job sucks compared to this. I don't think you'd like it up there.
5404 2 15 Boys & Girls 872 Darryl The experience...
5405 2 15 Boys & Girls 872 Michael Guys! Want to start unloading the truck?
5406 2 15 Boys & Girls 873 Dwight Okay. Let's go. Step up.
5407 2 15 Boys & Girls 874 Michael Check this out! Look at that! Look at that bwup-bwa! Hello! How are... Oh! Kay. That is great. That is good stuff.
5408 2 15 Boys & Girls 875 Meredith In five years, I'd like to be... five years sober.
5409 2 15 Boys & Girls 875 Jan That is an excellent goal.
5410 2 15 Boys & Girls 875 Meredith Four and a half.
5411 2 15 Boys & Girls 875 Kelly I'll tell you one thing. I am not going to be one of those women schlepping her kids around in a minivan.
5412 2 15 Boys & Girls 875 Jan Great! Uh-huh?
5413 2 15 Boys & Girls 875 Kelly I want an SUV... with three rows of seats.
5414 2 15 Boys & Girls 876 Jan Well, I'll be honest. One of the goals of these women seminars is to feel out if there's any standouts. Women who could be a valuable addition to our Corporate life.
5415 2 15 Boys & Girls 877 Dwight Michael wants us to bond so we need topics for conversation.
5416 2 15 Boys & Girls 877 Jim Ponies.
5417 2 15 Boys & Girls 877 Dwight No.
5418 2 15 Boys & Girls 877 Ryan How about rainbows?
5419 2 15 Boys & Girls 877 Dwight No.
5420 2 15 Boys & Girls 877 Jim Flowers.
5421 2 15 Boys & Girls 878 Darryl It's dangerous, Michael. Come on, get off this.
5422 2 15 Boys & Girls 878 Michael Hey, you're going to, going to hurt yourself.
5423 2 15 Boys & Girls 878 Darryl Mike.
5424 2 15 Boys & Girls 878 Michael Stand clear.
5425 2 15 Boys & Girls 878 Darryl Mike. Get off of the lift. Please. Come on now.
5426 2 15 Boys & Girls 878 Michael I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm fine.
5427 2 15 Boys & Girls 878 Darryl Look, would ya... look.
5428 2 15 Boys & Girls 878 Michael Oh, oh, oh! We'll get somebody to clean that up.
5429 2 15 Boys & Girls 878 Darryl We're the ones that got to clean that up!
5430 2 15 Boys & Girls 878 Lonny Dammit, Michael!
5431 2 15 Boys & Girls 878 Michael We ought to have this thing serviced.
5432 2 15 Boys & Girls 879 Michael So! Guy's gripe session. Here we are. Now, we definitely live in different worlds but we have a lot in common. We even like the same girls, some of us. That's going to happen, you know. We're guys, so...
5433 2 15 Boys & Girls 879 Madge Hey, do you want me to go?
5434 2 15 Boys & Girls 879 Michael No, why? Why would I... ? You could...
5435 2 15 Boys & Girls 879 Madge I'll go.
5436 2 15 Boys & Girls 879 Michael Stay or...
5437 2 15 Boys & Girls 880 Phyllis ...and a big walk-in closet.
5438 2 15 Boys & Girls 880 Meredith Oh, that's part of my dream too.
5439 2 15 Boys & Girls 880 Kelly Oh, me too.
5440 2 15 Boys & Girls 880 Jan Great, great. And Pam, what about you? What is your dream?
5441 2 15 Boys & Girls 880 Pam Well... I always dreamed of a house with a terrace upstairs. Plant flowers on it... stuff like that. Since I was a girl. Um... More seriously though, a husband that I love... Roy. And I love to draw. And I... I did a little in college and I'd still love to do something where I could work with art or graphic design in some way.
5442 2 15 Boys & Girls 880 Phyllis She's real good.
5443 2 15 Boys & Girls 880 Pam Thanks.
5444 2 15 Boys & Girls 880 Jan You know the company is offering a design training program in New York.
5445 2 15 Boys & Girls 880 Pam Well... I have a job right now, so I can't really take time off...
5446 2 15 Boys & Girls 880 Jan Well, it's only on weekends and then a few weeks in New York, but I'm sure that I could ask Corporate to help you out.
5447 2 15 Boys & Girls 880 Pam Well... it's just that the weekends aren't good because, um...
5448 2 15 Boys & Girls 880 Jan There are always a million reasons not to do something.
5449 2 15 Boys & Girls 881 Michael Let's start with the Warehouse. What bothers you as guys, you know?
5450 2 15 Boys & Girls 881 Darryl My priority is safety.
5451 2 15 Boys & Girls 881 Michael OK.
5452 2 15 Boys & Girls 881 Darryl So it really bothers me when somebody comes in here speeding around on a lift, playing with it like a toy. It kind of gets under my skin.
5453 2 15 Boys & Girls 881 Michael OK, Yeah. Yeah. Yeah shhh...
5454 2 15 Boys & Girls 881 Darryl Uh uh uh. Don't shush me.
5455 2 15 Boys & Girls 881 Michael I... That was just...
5456 2 15 Boys & Girls 881 Darryl That bothers me too.
5457 2 15 Boys & Girls 881 Michael I was breathing.
5458 2 15 Boys & Girls 881 Roy Pam shushes me. It drives me crazy.
5459 2 15 Boys & Girls 881 Michael I hate shushing. You know, that's the thing! What the... ok... what is our beef as human men.
5460 2 15 Boys & Girls 881 Lonny You know that's a good question, Hasselhoff. What bugs us?
5461 2 15 Boys & Girls 881 Michael OK. Alright. Good. Guys ragging on each other. That's what guys do... and we love it.
5462 2 15 Boys & Girls 882 Jan All right. Let's talk about clothing.
5463 2 15 Boys & Girls 883 Phyllis I'm excited about today. I love girl talk.
5464 2 15 Boys & Girls 884 Jan Dress for the job you want, not the job you have. All right. You can use your clothing to send a message about your ambitions by wearing clothes that reflect what you aspire to be.
5465 2 15 Boys & Girls 885 Angela I'm not gaining anything from this seminar. I'm a professional woman. The head of accounting. I'm in the healthiest relationship of my life. I just think it's insulting that Jan thinks we need this. And, apparently, judging from her outfit, Jan aspires to be a whore.
5466 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Roy I hate it when girls insist on taking them out to new restaurants every weekend night and then they're like "When are we going to go on a date-date?"
5467 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Guy I hate that too!
5468 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Darryl I hate that too.
5469 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Kevin That sucks so much.
5470 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Guy It totally sucks.
5471 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Dwight Yeah and then they make you drive them to Church the next morning. Like "Gas ain't free!"
5472 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Lonny Yeah, on our salaries, man, what do they expect? You know to take us out every weekend? You know what I mean? We're not millionaires.
5473 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Michael I feel you.
5474 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Darryl No, you don't. You don't feel us. How can you? You know what?
5475 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Dwight Not literally.
5476 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Darryl You say we're the same, but we get compensated very differently.
5477 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Michael Yes.
5478 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Darryl We work the same hours as you and you just said we work a lot harder
5479 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Michael Ah, you do. So...
5480 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Darryl But we get paid a lot less.
5481 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Dwight Word.
5482 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Roy Like next to no benefits.
5483 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Michael I know. God! What is that?
5484 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Roy Exactly.
5485 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Michael It blows. It blows, man. Gah...
5486 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Darryl You know this would not happen if we had a union.
5487 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Roy That's what I'm talking about.
5488 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Michael No. Whoa, whoa. Yeah.
5489 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Roy Absolutely.
5490 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Darryl That's what we need.
5491 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Guy You know you're right.
5492 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Darryl Man, see... That's what I've been sayin', man. We need to do this finally.
5493 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Michael You know what? Is that necessary? Because you already sorta have a union... of guys.
5494 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Darryl It's more than necessary, Mike. We need this. Roy? You still have that card from the Dockworker's Union?
5495 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Roy In my truck.
5496 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Michael Dockworker's?
5497 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Darryl Man, hook you up.
5498 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Guy Come on, man.
5499 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Michael Yeah. You know what? I think the problem is the chicks.
5500 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Darryl Union! Union, yeah.
5501 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Michael The problem is the chicks. And you gotta blame them.
5502 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Darryl Are you with us Mike?
5503 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Michael Yeah-es.
5504 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Darryl Welcome to the warehouse.
5505 2 15 Boys & Girls 886 Group chant Michael, Michael, Michael, Mi...
5506 2 15 Boys & Girls 887 Jan Another issue is inequality of pay between men and women. I'm sure that all of you have felt that before...
5507 2 15 Boys & Girls 887 Michael This is important. Ladies, take a breather. Jan, I uh wanna... Can I help you? Um... I wanted to say that the guys downstairs are thinking about forming a union. And they have some good points...
5508 2 15 Boys & Girls 887 Jan What? A union! What...
5509 2 15 Boys & Girls 887 Michael Don't get hysterical.
5510 2 15 Boys & Girls 887 Jan I'm not...
5511 2 15 Boys & Girls 888 Michael Part of my job is knowing how to talk to women.
5512 2 15 Boys & Girls 889 Michael Let's... be... rational... here. What are the pros? What are the cons?
5513 2 15 Boys & Girls 889 Jan The cons are that everyone will lose their job. Michael. Everyone. Office, Warehouse. What do you think... the... pros... are... here?
5514 2 15 Boys & Girls 889 Michael Don't talk to me that way please. Just... they're going to want to hear this from you.
5515 2 15 Boys & Girls 889 Jan You got yourself into this Michael, so you get yourself out.
5516 2 15 Boys & Girls 889 Michael But we're bonding down there!
5517 2 15 Boys & Girls 889 Jan That's too bad.
5518 2 15 Boys & Girls 889 Michael I mean I just don't want to have to tell them something they're not going to want to hear.
5519 2 15 Boys & Girls 889 Jan I don't want to...
5520 2 15 Boys & Girls 889 Michael Ok. Come on Jan. After all we've been through...
5521 2 15 Boys & Girls 889 Jan Michael! Michael! Michael!
5522 2 15 Boys & Girls 889 Michael We have a history...
5523 2 15 Boys & Girls 889 Jan Michael.
5524 2 15 Boys & Girls 889 Michael ...between us.
5525 2 15 Boys & Girls 889 Jan Don't say another word.
5526 2 15 Boys & Girls 889 Michael I won't
5527 2 15 Boys & Girls 889 Jan Get yourself down stairs.
5528 2 15 Boys & Girls 889 Michael I'm just saying we have something... Ok. Whatever.
5529 2 15 Boys & Girls 890 Ryan You know what... we could get this done a lot quicker if we formed a type of assembly line.
5530 2 15 Boys & Girls 890 Stanley This here is a run-out-the-clock situation. Just like upstairs.
5531 2 15 Boys & Girls 891 Jan Sports metaphors are one of the ways women feel left out of the language of the office. Now, I know this might sound silly but a ... many women ask to go over it. So... Fumble means...
5532 2 15 Boys & Girls 891 Phyllis Mistake.
5533 2 15 Boys & Girls 891 Meredith Slip.
5534 2 15 Boys & Girls 891 Jan Right. Par for the course is a golf term. It means right on track. Below par means worse. Wait... that should mean better, that doesn't make sense.
5535 2 15 Boys & Girls 891 Kelly What about second base? Like if Michael said that he got to second base with you? Does that mean you like closed a deal?
5536 2 15 Boys & Girls 891 Jan Excuse me?
5537 2 15 Boys & Girls 891 Kelly I mean that's a baseball term, right?
5538 2 15 Boys & Girls 891 Jan I don't know what Michael was talking about. I don't know.
5539 2 15 Boys & Girls 892 Kelly ...and you went to Chili's and he got to second base with you.
5540 2 15 Boys & Girls 892 Jan Kelly, I don't know what Michael's talking about.
5541 2 15 Boys & Girls 892 Kelly He told everybody so I just want to know is that a baseball term...
5542 2 15 Boys & Girls 892 Pam Hey.
5543 2 15 Boys & Girls 892 Jim Hey!
5544 2 15 Boys & Girls 892 Pam How's it going down there?
5545 2 15 Boys & Girls 892 Jim It's a complete... well, actually it's exactly what you'd expect, so... How are the girls?
5546 2 15 Boys & Girls 892 Pam Good. We watched a video about our changing bodies.
5547 2 15 Boys & Girls 892 Jim Did you really?
5548 2 15 Boys & Girls 892 Pam No.
5549 2 15 Boys & Girls 892 Jim Oh.
5550 2 15 Boys & Girls 892 Pam Almost.
5551 2 15 Boys & Girls 892 Jim Good.
5552 2 15 Boys & Girls 892 Pam Um... but hey? Something kind of cool. There's this internship in graphic design that Jan was telling us about. She made it sound, like, really great.
5553 2 15 Boys & Girls 892 Jim Nice. Well, what's it all about?
5554 2 15 Boys & Girls 892 Pam Um...
5555 2 15 Boys & Girls 892 Jim I think you should do it. That's great!
5556 2 15 Boys & Girls 892 Pam It's really cool.
5557 2 15 Boys & Girls 893 Michael Cold front coming into the Warehouse. Uh oh! Better put on your ski boots! Woohoohoowoo. Waaaah! Happy New Year, Darryl! Hey,Darryl. You ever done this?
5558 2 15 Boys & Girls 894 Angela Are you married?
5559 2 15 Boys & Girls 894 Jan I'm divorced.
5560 2 15 Boys & Girls 894 Phyllis That must have been hard.
5561 2 15 Boys & Girls 894 Jan It was. Yes.
5562 2 15 Boys & Girls 894 Kelly You were probably feeling really depressed and sad and that's why you did that thing with Michael.
5563 2 15 Boys & Girls 894 Jan I think you should all spend a little more time thinking about your careers and less time on personal stuff.
5564 2 15 Boys & Girls 894 Phyllis Mmmm, I think we're all okay with the balance we've struck.
5565 2 15 Boys & Girls 894 Angela At least you don't have kids. You have no kids, right? Thank God.
5566 2 15 Boys & Girls 894 Jan Okay. Let's take five. I think we can all use five.
5567 2 15 Boys & Girls 894 Kelly How can someone so beautiful be so sad?
5568 2 15 Boys & Girls 895 Michael Hi.
5569 2 15 Boys & Girls 895 Jan Did you take care of the situation?
5570 2 15 Boys & Girls 895 Michael Yuh, yuh, yes! I... I have essentially...
5571 2 15 Boys & Girls 895 Jan Excuse me.
5572 2 15 Boys & Girls 895 Michael I have essentially. Yes. I've taken some...
5573 2 15 Boys & Girls 895 Jan Excuse me. I've been told there's been some interest in forming a Union and that Michael supported it. Obviously he's not a friend of yours because he didn't tell you the facts. So let me. If there is even a whiff of unionizing in this branch, I can guarantee you the branch will be shut down like that . They unionized in Pittsfield and we all know what happened in Pittsfield. It will cost each of you a fortune in legal fees and union dues and that will be nothing compared to the cost of losing your jobs. So I would think long and hard before sacrificing your savings and your futures just to send a message. If you have any further questions you can direct them to... to Michael.
5574 2 15 Boys & Girls 896 Pam Dreams are just that. They're dreams. They help get you through the day. Like the thing about the terrace. It's nice but... um... I don't know. It was just something I read in this book when I was twelve. The girl in the book has a terrace outside of her bedroom and she planted flowers on it and I just loved that. Just always kind of stuck with me.
5575 2 15 Boys & Girls 897 Jim So you're not doing it.
5576 2 15 Boys & Girls 897 Pam How did you know?
5577 2 15 Boys & Girls 897 Jim Why not?
5578 2 15 Boys & Girls 897 Pam Just like no big reason. Just a bunch of little reasons.
5579 2 15 Boys & Girls 897 Jim Come on.
5580 2 15 Boys & Girls 897 Pam Roy's right. There's no guarantee it's going to lead to anything anyway.
5581 2 15 Boys & Girls 897 Jim Roy said that.
5582 2 15 Boys & Girls 897 Pam What? You have something you want to say?
5583 2 15 Boys & Girls 897 Jim You got to take a chance on something sometime, Pam. I mean, do you want to be a receptionist here, always?
5584 2 15 Boys & Girls 897 Pam Oh, excuse me! I'm fine with my choices!
5585 2 15 Boys & Girls 897 Jim You are?
5586 2 15 Boys & Girls 897 Pam Yeah.
5587 2 15 Boys & Girls 898 Pam It's impractical. I'm not going to try to get a house like that. Um... they don't even make houses like that in Scranton. So, I'm never going to... .
5588 2 15 Boys & Girls 899 Michael I'm just going to put this over there.
5589 2 15 Boys & Girls 899 Darryl This is not a good idea right here.
5590 2 15 Boys & Girls 899 Michael You did uh... okay.
5591 2 15 Boys & Girls 900 Michael Pizza. Great equalizer. Rich people love pizza. Poor people love pizza. White people love pizza. Black people love pizza. Do black people like pizza?
5592 2 15 Boys & Girls 901 Michael Hey. Um... look guys, I'm sorry. Sometimes Jan can be such a bitch.
5593 2 15 Boys & Girls 901 All the Men Generalized mumbling agreement. Yeah.
5594 2 15 Boys & Girls 901 Michael Hey, watch it, watch it. We have a relationship.
5595 2 15 Boys & Girls 902 Michael Thank you to our hosts.
5596 2 15 Boys & Girls 902 Darryl Hey Michael. This ain't over.
5597 2 15 Boys & Girls 903 Michael Ahhh! Excellent.
5598 2 15 Boys & Girls 904 Michael Is it good to be back. Yeah. I mean I love the guy stuff but to run an office you need men and women. You know why? Because you need to have that crazy sexual tension to keep things interesting.
5599 2 15 Boys & Girls 905 Pam Dunder Mifflin. This is Pam. Uh... hold, please.
5600 2 16 Valentine's Day 906 Pam I really like Valentine's Day in this office. It's kinda like grade school. Everybody gives out little presents and stuff. Like last year, Jim gave me this card, with Dwight's head on it, it was horrifying and funny and...
5601 2 16 Valentine's Day 907 Pam Phyllis.
5602 2 16 Valentine's Day 907 Delivery man Would you sign here?
5603 2 16 Valentine's Day 908 Pam Roy and I are saving for the wedding, so I made him promise not to get me anything too big.
5604 2 16 Valentine's Day 909 Meredith "Happy Valentine's Day darling. Love Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration."
5605 2 16 Valentine's Day 909 Phyllis Isn't he sweet?
5606 2 16 Valentine's Day 909 Meredith Yeah. Wow.
5607 2 16 Valentine's Day 910 Michael Alright Dwight, as you know I am heading to New York today. Doing a presentation on the branch to the new CFO.
5608 2 16 Valentine's Day 910 Dwight And you want me to come with you.
5609 2 16 Valentine's Day 910 Michael Nope. The opposite of that.
5610 2 16 Valentine's Day 910 Dwight I will stay here and run things on this end.
5611 2 16 Valentine's Day 910 Michael Ok, good.
5612 2 16 Valentine's Day 910 Dwight Question. Will you be seeing Jan when you're in New York?
5613 2 16 Valentine's Day 910 Michael I probably will, why do you ask?
5614 2 16 Valentine's Day 910 Dwight Well... It's Valentine's Day, and you guys, you know...
5615 2 16 Valentine's Day 910 Michael Yeah.
5616 2 16 Valentine's Day 910 Dwight Screwed.
5617 2 16 Valentine's Day 911 Michael This is a business trip. I would have to be a raving lunatic to try to talk to Jan about what happened between us. Her words, not mine. She sent me an email this morning. But, it is Valentine's Day. It's New York. City of Love.
5618 2 16 Valentine's Day 912 Michael Hey, Pam. You heart N.Y., right? You want me to pick you up anything?
5619 2 16 Valentine's Day 912 Pam That's OK.
5620 2 16 Valentine's Day 912 Michael Alright.
5621 2 16 Valentine's Day 912 Oscar The best present would be, you do a good job in front of the new CFO.
5622 2 16 Valentine's Day 912 Michael Dude, I'm gonna nail it. Me in New York? Oh, I own that city. Fuggedaboudit! See ya!
5623 2 16 Valentine's Day 913 Michael Well here we go. On our way to New York. New York, New York. City so nice they named it twice. Manhattan is the other name.
5624 2 16 Valentine's Day 914 Jim So I broke up with Katy and haven't been dating anybody else, so this year I don't have to worry about Valentine's Day. It's gonna be good. I invited a couple of friends over. We're gonna play some cards and I'll end up winning a lotta money. Because, they're idiots. It's gonna be great.
5625 2 16 Valentine's Day 915 Dwight What's this? What is this?
5626 2 16 Valentine's Day 915 Dwight Yeah, but who put it here? And for what purpose?
5627 2 16 Valentine's Day 915 Jim It was there when I sat down.
5628 2 16 Valentine's Day 915 Dwight Happy Valentine's Day. It's me. I'm the bobble head. Yes! Ahh!
5629 2 16 Valentine's Day 916 Michael The meeting isn't 'til three, but I always like to come to New York little bit early and hit some of my favorite hunts, like right here, is my favorite New York pizza joint. And I'm gonna go get me a New York slice.
5630 2 16 Valentine's Day 917 Jim Hey Kelly. What's up?
5631 2 16 Valentine's Day 917 Kelly Nothing. Oh except, oh my God Jim. Last night, Ryan and I totally, finally hooked up. It was awesome.
5632 2 16 Valentine's Day 917 Jim OH, that's great. I'm really happy for
5633 2 16 Valentine's Day 917 Kelly And it was so funny 'cause we were at this bar with his friends and I was sitting next to him the whole night and he wasn't making a move, so in my head I was like "Ryan, what's taking you so long?" And then he kissed me. And I didn't know what to say.
5634 2 16 Valentine's Day 917 Jim Wow.
5635 2 16 Valentine's Day 917 Kelly So I said, "Ryan, what took you so long?" And I just said that to him, can you believe that?
5636 2 16 Valentine's Day 917 Jim Wow.
5637 2 16 Valentine's Day 917 Kelly Oh my God, Jim, is that embarrassing? I'm embarrassed.
5638 2 16 Valentine's Day 917 Jim No, don't be.
5639 2 16 Valentine's Day 917 Kelly Oh, thank God, because I was nervous, Jim, you will not believe.
5640 2 16 Valentine's Day 917 Jim I bet.
5641 2 16 Valentine's Day 917 Kelly So nervous, but now -- now I have a boyfriend.
5642 2 16 Valentine's Day 917 Jim Alright.
5643 2 16 Valentine's Day 918 Ryan I hooked up with her on February 13th.
5644 2 16 Valentine's Day 919 Michael Here it is, heart of New York City, Times Square. Named for the good times you have when you're in it. Most people when they come to New York, they go straight to the Empire State Building, that's pretty touristy. I come here. Great places to eat. We have Bubba Gump Shrimp, Red Lobster down there. Ya know. This is, this is the heart of civilization, right here.
5645 2 16 Valentine's Day 920 Kevin Woah.
5646 2 16 Valentine's Day 920 Pam Guess what?
5647 2 16 Valentine's Day 920 Phyllis Really, Oh, they're from Bob again.
5648 2 16 Valentine's Day 920 Pam That's great.
5649 2 16 Valentine's Day 921 Michael Everybody takes the subway in New York. It's fast, it's efficient, gets you there on time. It's a way to Okay, there's a guy pooping in a cardboard box down there.
5650 2 16 Valentine's Day 922 Michael This is the world famous Rockefeller Center. Founded, of course by Theodore Rockefeller. This is a skating rink and I think the Rangers practice there sometimes and it's, that's Tina Fey . That's Tina Fey from Saturday Night Live. Hello? Hello, hi? OH, I'm sorry, I thought you were , OK, I thought that was. She, she looked a lot like Tina Fey. Hello, hello, I thought that was Tina Fey, but it wasn't. So... Are you serious? He was here? When, when I was talking to the fake Tina Fey? Come on! And are you, argh.
5651 2 16 Valentine's Day 923 Dwight Hello Angela. Did you hear, somebody rocked the house and got me the best present I've ever gotten.
5652 2 16 Valentine's Day 923 Angela Really? I wouldn't know anything about that, but I'm glad you enjoyed it.
5653 2 16 Valentine's Day 923 Dwight Oh I did. I did.
5654 2 16 Valentine's Day 923 Angela I didn't get anything for Valentine's Day.
5655 2 16 Valentine's Day 923 Dwight Oh, I bet you will before the day is over.
5656 2 16 Valentine's Day 923 Angela Really? Well, I hope I do.
5657 2 16 Valentine's Day 924 Michael I would love to live in New York someday. It's a big dream of mine. Work for corporate, with Jan. It'd be awesome. Go to Broadway shows, eat hot dogs. Scranton is great, but New York, is like Scranton on acid, no on speed, no on steroids. OK, umm, I think, that's either the Hudson or the East, so we're back, should be back this way. There's a lotta pressure on me right now. It's like Michael Jordan, in the NBA finals. Or, like Stormin' Norman Schwarzkopf, and this presentation is desert storm and as soon as it's over, we will not have to deal with those Iraqis anymore. Let's do it.
5658 2 16 Valentine's Day 925 Jim Nah that's alright. Spend money on her, instead of giving it to us. That's fine. No, I didn't even have a seat for you anyway. Yeah, hahaha, alright man, have a good night. Bye.
5659 2 16 Valentine's Day 926 Kevin Woah, woah
5660 2 16 Valentine's Day 926 Delivery man Phyllis Lapin.
5661 2 16 Valentine's Day 926 Pam OH, Holy God!
5662 2 16 Valentine's Day 926 Delivery man It's from Bob.
5663 2 16 Valentine's Day 926 Kevin Man, that thing's bigger than I am.
5664 2 16 Valentine's Day 926 Delivery man No, it's not.
5665 2 16 Valentine's Day 926 Kevin Oh zip it.
5666 2 16 Valentine's Day 927 Michael There they are. What's up? Hey hey.
5667 2 16 Valentine's Day 927 Craig Hey.
5668 2 16 Valentine's Day 927 Josh Michael Scott.
5669 2 16 Valentine's Day 927 Michael Josh Porter, high five. Bam.
5670 2 16 Valentine's Day 927 Josh You know Dan Gore from Buffalo.
5671 2 16 Valentine's Day 927 Michael Yeah, how ya doing? Nobody needs to introduce this guy. Craiggers.
5672 2 16 Valentine's Day 927 Craig What's up buddy?
5673 2 16 Valentine's Day 927 Michael You have been kicked out of every strip club in Albany, is that true?
5674 2 16 Valentine's Day 927 Craig Guilty, yeah.
5675 2 16 Valentine's Day 927 Michael So what's going on? What I miss?
5676 2 16 Valentine's Day 927 Josh Not much, they're uh, I guess running late upstairs, so we're just waiting for the presentations.
5677 2 16 Valentine's Day 927 Michael Cool. Good, good, good. Give us some time to catch up, and...
5678 2 16 Valentine's Day 928 Dwight Pam. Hi, How ya doing? Good. Listen, uh may I speak with you... privately?
5679 2 16 Valentine's Day 928 Pam You can't fire me, Dwight, just 'cause Michael's not here.
5680 2 16 Valentine's Day 928 Dwight No, Pam, Just. Just,
5681 2 16 Valentine's Day 929 Pam You need to get something for your girlfriend.
5682 2 16 Valentine's Day 929 Dwight Girlfriend. Yes, and the reason I didn't get anything for this particular person - who shall remain nameless - is that she's not really the kind of person you'd think would be into Valentine's Day. She's kind of...
5683 2 16 Valentine's Day 929 Pam Tightly wound?
5684 2 16 Valentine's Day 929 Dwight (smirking) Exactly.
5685 2 16 Valentine's Day 929 Pam Ok, well, sometimes the gift is really about the gesture, you know, like what it means, instead of what it is.
5686 2 16 Valentine's Day 929 Dwight You mean, like a ham?
5687 2 16 Valentine's Day 929 Pam No, not like a ham. It's about doing something, so that the person knows that you really care about her.
5688 2 16 Valentine's Day 929 Dwight Ok, I get it.
5689 2 16 Valentine's Day 929 Pam That you remember her.
5690 2 16 Valentine's Day 929 Dwight Ok, shut up. I know exactly what to do.
5691 2 16 Valentine's Day 930 Josh What about you, Craig, you lose anyone?
5692 2 16 Valentine's Day 930 Craig Oh man, Jan, called me in September and said "You gotta fire four people," and I was just like, "What?" Ya know?
5693 2 16 Valentine's Day 930 Josh Did you?
5694 2 16 Valentine's Day 930 Craig No, I just ignored her. She's the worse.
5695 2 16 Valentine's Day 930 Josh She is our boss.
5696 2 16 Valentine's Day 930 Craig She ain't my boss dude. I don't work for that bitch.
5697 2 16 Valentine's Day 930 Michael Ay, Kay. Come on, you know, that's not. Cool it.
5698 2 16 Valentine's Day 930 Michael Maybe because she's my girlfriend. Was, or not my girlfriend. She's... we hooked up and...
5699 2 16 Valentine's Day 930 Josh You hooked up with Jan?
5700 2 16 Valentine's Day 930 Michael You know, months ago, just once, It's, just stupid. Just forget it,
5701 2 16 Valentine's Day 930 Josh Yeah, let's change the subject.
5702 2 16 Valentine's Day 930 Michael Yeah, yeah.
5703 2 16 Valentine's Day 931 Kelly I don't know what he's thinking, but I would just be so psyched if we just dated forever.
5704 2 16 Valentine's Day 931 Jim Take it slow. 'Cause it seems like a lot of the time things like that need...
5705 2 16 Valentine's Day 931 Ryan Soda.
5706 2 16 Valentine's Day 931 Kelly Cool. Hey, so... do you want to... do something tonight? Or...
5707 2 16 Valentine's Day 931 Jim Oh, no, not while I'm here.
5708 2 16 Valentine's Day 931 Kelly I mean, I know it's Valentine's Day, or whatever, but there's totally no pressure at all, of any kind. What so ever. So...
5709 2 16 Valentine's Day 931 Ryan I can't tonight. I have plans with my friends.
5710 2 16 Valentine's Day 931 Kelly OK, That's cool. I completely understand.
5711 2 16 Valentine's Day 931 Ryan Cool. Cool. OK.
5712 2 16 Valentine's Day 932 Jan Josh Porter, Stamford.
5713 2 16 Valentine's Day 932 David David
5714 2 16 Valentine's Day 932 Josh Nice to meet you.
5715 2 16 Valentine's Day 932 Jan And Michael Scott, Scranton.
5716 2 16 Valentine's Day 932 David Nice to meet you.
5717 2 16 Valentine's Day 932 Michael Ditto. How are you Jan?
5718 2 16 Valentine's Day 932 Jan Fine Michael. Thank you.
5719 2 16 Valentine's Day 932 David OK. So we are in the process of doing a complete review of the company's financial strengths. All I'd like to do today is to...
5720 2 16 Valentine's Day 933 Jan Nervous, no I'm not nervous. Well, I guess I'd be lying if I didn't say I was a little nervous. Umm, the new CFO is judging me on this too, and well, it is Michael, so. Yeah, I'm very nervous.
5721 2 16 Valentine's Day 934 Josh So with the twelve new local accounts, we had a total of four percent organic growth, which was just above our pre-year targets.
5722 2 16 Valentine's Day 934 David Thanks very much.
5723 2 16 Valentine's Day 934 Josh Thank you.
5724 2 16 Valentine's Day 934 David OK, Michael.
5725 2 16 Valentine's Day 934 Michael What is a business? Is it a collection of numbers and sales reports? Sure. But as you know, David and Jan, it is much more.
5726 2 16 Valentine's Day 934 Michael Life moves a little slower in Scranton, Pennsylvania. And that's the way we like it. Because at Dunder Mifflin Scranton, we're not just in the paper business, we're in the people business. Let's meet some of the folks that make the Scranton branch so special. This is Stanley Hudson, one of our talented salesman. An African-American father of two, Stanley's dedication is no doubt one of the hallmark's of the foundation of the business we're hoping to build our bases on.
5727 2 16 Valentine's Day 935 Michael Yeah, I shot a bunch of footage around the office, edited it together on my Mac. I was thinking of entering it into some festivals. Probably won't. You know, not what this is about.
5728 2 16 Valentine's Day 936 Michael And finally, Pam Beesly. Look at her. Look how cute. Not bad at all. As the receptionist, Pam is truly the gateway to our world. Well, I hope this gave you a little taste of what life is like here at Dunder Mifflin, Scranton. What it's like to walk a mile in Oscar's shoes. Or try on Phyllis' pants. Maybe even one of Angela's famous brownies. And you'll know, that you're home.
5729 2 16 Valentine's Day 936 Michael Questions?
5730 2 16 Valentine's Day 937 David Wow. OK, OK, thank you Michael, that was great.
5731 2 16 Valentine's Day 937 Michael Yes, thank you.
5732 2 16 Valentine's Day 937 David But, for right now what, I would really like to know about is the branch's performance, so do you have that information as well?
5733 2 16 Valentine's Day 937 Michael Yes, absolutely David. Get that for you. I umm...
5734 2 16 Valentine's Day 938 Delivery man Can you sign?
5735 2 16 Valentine's Day 938 Pam Yeah.
5736 2 16 Valentine's Day 938 Pam Oscar.
5737 2 16 Valentine's Day 938 Angela Nothing for me?
5738 2 16 Valentine's Day 938 Pam Join the club.
5739 2 16 Valentine's Day 938 Kevin Whose it from?
5740 2 16 Valentine's Day 938 Oscar My mom.
5741 2 16 Valentine's Day 939 Kelly It's frustrating, because we'd be so perfect together.
5742 2 16 Valentine's Day 939 Jim You know what? Here's the deal, Kelly. It would be really nice if he was in to you, right? It'd be great, but he isn't.
5743 2 16 Valentine's Day 939 Kelly Yeah, it would be so great if he was.
5744 2 16 Valentine's Day 939 Jim Well, he's not, though. So you just gotta suck it up. You just gotta move on. Try to have some fun. Come to my poker game tonight.
5745 2 16 Valentine's Day 939 Kelly Okay, cool. Is it okay if I invite Ryan?
5746 2 16 Valentine's Day 940 Dan Gore And that about does it, thank you.
5747 2 16 Valentine's Day 940 Jan OK. Craig,
5748 2 16 Valentine's Day 940 Craig Yeah. Here's the deal. I did not understand this was supposed to be a full on... like report or whatnot.
5749 2 16 Valentine's Day 940 Jan Um, I'm sorry, what did you think financial presentation meant?
5750 2 16 Valentine's Day 940 Craig I was under the impression this was, more of like... a meet and greet type deal.
5751 2 16 Valentine's Day 940 David So, does that mean you don't have the numbers on your branch?
5752 2 16 Valentine's Day 940 Craig That is correct, yes.
5753 2 16 Valentine's Day 940 Jan Craig, you realize that we're trying to decide whether if drastic steps need to be taken?
5754 2 16 Valentine's Day 940 Craig Look, I'm sorry, I didn't know.
5755 2 16 Valentine's Day 940 Jan Well, the point is, is that doesn't exactly bode well for your branch.
5756 2 16 Valentine's Day 940 Craig Oh man, you know what? Michael made that stupid movie, he doesn't get into any trouble? Maybe I should have slept with you, too.
5757 2 16 Valentine's Day 941 Michael Oh, ok. Alright.
5758 2 16 Valentine's Day 941 Jan NO, NO I'm not, I'm not, I just... I just don't know what to do anymore, Michael. I mean, we're all gonna get fired.
5759 2 16 Valentine's Day 941 Michael No you're not.
5760 2 16 Valentine's Day 941 Jan Yeah, Michael - the CFO thinks that we slept together. Do you understand, people get fired for much less? And I just can't believe that you told everybody and we didn't even sleep together.
5761 2 16 Valentine's Day 941 Michael Technically, we fell asleep in the same bed. So...
5762 2 16 Valentine's Day 941 Jan Oh, God. Michael. It was months ago. It was once, It's over. Do you understand?
5763 2 16 Valentine's Day 941 Michael Yes. I'm sorry. I will fix this. I'll talk to him. I'll talk to David.
5764 2 16 Valentine's Day 941 Jan Surely, you cannot be serious?
5765 2 16 Valentine's Day 941 Michael I am serious. And don't call me Shirley. Airplane.
5766 2 16 Valentine's Day 942 Dwight Women are like wolves. If you want a wolf, you have to trap it. You have to snare it. And then you have to tame it. Keep it happy. Care for it. Feed it. Lovingly, the way an animal deserves to be loved. And my animal deserves a lot of loving.
5767 2 16 Valentine's Day 943 Roy Hey babe.
5768 2 16 Valentine's Day 943 Pam Hey.
5769 2 16 Valentine's Day 943 Roy You almost ready to go?
5770 2 16 Valentine's Day 943 Pam I guess, yeah.
5771 2 16 Valentine's Day 943 Roy What's wrong?
5772 2 16 Valentine's Day 943 Pam Nothing, it's just I had to sit here all day, while Phyllis got like an entire garden delivered to her.
5773 2 16 Valentine's Day 943 Roy What, you're mad at me?
5774 2 16 Valentine's Day 943 Roy Well, Valentine's Day isn't over. Let's get you home and you are gonna get the best s*x of you life.
5775 2 16 Valentine's Day 944 David You understand this is a very serious situation.
5776 2 16 Valentine's Day 944 Michael No no no no no, yes I, OK, well, alright, here's the deal. It's my fault. This is, this is totally on me. Before you guys came in, I was talking to the guys. We were all chatting and I made a joke, a really dumb joke and Craig the idiot took it seriously.
5777 2 16 Valentine's Day 944 David You made a joke?
5778 2 16 Valentine's Day 944 Michael I did, it was stupid. And Craig, you saw him, he's not the sharpest tool in the shed. Although he is a tool.
5779 2 16 Valentine's Day 944 David Well I don't need to explain to you that even a joke about sexual relations with your boss...
5780 2 16 Valentine's Day 944 Michael I know. It was borderline at best and... And Jan is a fantastic executive and has all the integrity in the world and um, I'm really sorry. It will never happen again.
5781 2 16 Valentine's Day 944 Jan Uh, that's fine. Let's just forget it.
5782 2 16 Valentine's Day 944 David Good.
5783 2 16 Valentine's Day 945 Pam Heading out?
5784 2 16 Valentine's Day 945 Jim Yeah. Alright, Beesly, Hey, Happy Valentine's Day.
5785 2 16 Valentine's Day 945 Pam Bye.
5786 2 16 Valentine's Day 945 Phyllis Goodnight Pam.
5787 2 16 Valentine's Day 945 Pam Night Phyllis.
5788 2 16 Valentine's Day 946 Jan Oh, Michael. Thank you again for that, really. It was very nice.
5789 2 16 Valentine's Day 946 Michael Oh, no big deal. Really. Sorry again.
5790 2 16 Valentine's Day 946 Jan Oh, no, it's OK. So, uh, Happy valentine's Day.
5791 2 16 Valentine's Day 946 Michael Yeah, Happy Valentine's Day.
5792 2 16 Valentine's Day 946 Jan Oh.
5793 2 16 Valentine's Day 947 Michael Oy vey... schmear.
5794 2 17 Dwight's Speech 948 Michael Let's think this through. If we ask Corporate for that then...
5795 2 17 Dwight's Speech 948 Dwight They are either going to say yes... or no.
5796 2 17 Dwight's Speech 948 Michael Could go either way. We don't know what they are going to say.
5797 2 17 Dwight's Speech 948 Dwight Think it through.
5798 2 17 Dwight's Speech 948 Michael Have to think it through. Because if they say no...
5799 2 17 Dwight's Speech 948 Jim Can we not?
5800 2 17 Dwight's Speech 948 Michael No! Yes, we have to! You know why? Because I don't like to be cooped up in that office! In that box! All day long. Heisman! Because I need to think. Okay, Jim? Oh, Kevin, oh! Nice catch. Mmmm, mmm, mmm,mmm. Os-car! Intercepted.
5801 2 17 Dwight's Speech 948 Jim Still want that.
5802 2 17 Dwight's Speech 948 Michael Give it to me. Phyllis, give me the ball. Ok, give me the ball. Give me, you guys... Creed give me the ball! Right now give it to me.
5803 2 17 Dwight's Speech 948 Creed Ryan!
5804 2 17 Dwight's Speech 948 Dwight Fumble! Yaaah!
5805 2 17 Dwight's Speech 948 Michael Hey, Dwight.
5806 2 17 Dwight's Speech 948 Dwight Hut! Hut! Hut! Hike!
5807 2 17 Dwight's Speech 948 Michael You all right Ryan?
5808 2 17 Dwight's Speech 948 Dwight Ryan.
5809 2 17 Dwight's Speech 948 Ryan Yeah.
5810 2 17 Dwight's Speech 948 Michael Pam!
5811 2 17 Dwight's Speech 949 Dwight Ooh. They're having a sale on TiVo. Maybe I should get a TiVo. Oh. DVD Burner! Maybe I should get one of those. You are so lucky, Jim. You are so lucky you don't have this problem. What was the 9th place prize again? A loaf of bread?
5812 2 17 Dwight's Speech 949 Jim Cugino's pizza.
5813 2 17 Dwight's Speech 949 Dwight Oh, great. Tasty, terrific pizza. Hmm. Question: Do their pizzas play DVDs?
5814 2 17 Dwight's Speech 950 Jim Dwight was the top salesman of the year at our company. He wins a little prize money and gets honored at some convention. It is literally the highest possible honor that a Northeastern Pennsylvania-Based Mid-size Paper Company Regional Salesman can attain, so...
5815 2 17 Dwight's Speech 951 Jim What did I do to deserve this?
5816 2 17 Dwight's Speech 951 Pam Are you sad that Dwight beat you?
5817 2 17 Dwight's Speech 951 Jim No.
5818 2 17 Dwight's Speech 951 Pam Are you going to cry, Jim? Do you need a tissue?
5819 2 17 Dwight's Speech 951 Phyllis Hey, I heard you got a wedding dress. Do you have pictures?
5820 2 17 Dwight's Speech 951 Pam Oh! I... uh... yeah. Um... I'll uh show them to you later.
5821 2 17 Dwight's Speech 951 Phyllis Oh.
5822 2 17 Dwight's Speech 951 Jim Oh, I should get back. Talk to you guys later.
5823 2 17 Dwight's Speech 951 Pam Ok, cool.
5824 2 17 Dwight's Speech 952 Pam I have a ton of stuff to do for the wedding. And I have to do it in the office. And that can be kind of awkward. Um... just because people can get all weird about wedding stuff. Then... I just... I don't want to offend... Angela... or someone.
5825 2 17 Dwight's Speech 953 Michael That's what she said!
5826 2 17 Dwight's Speech 953 Dwight Ha! I don't get it.
5827 2 17 Dwight's Speech 953 Michael Grapes. Seductive. So you ready for the big speech this afternoon?
5828 2 17 Dwight's Speech 953 Dwight Well, it's not really a big speech. You still coming right?
5829 2 17 Dwight's Speech 953 Michael Oh! Abso-fruit-ly. Fruit. Grapes. Nailed the joke. Matter of time. Um... And yes, it is a big speech. Biggest of your life.
5830 2 17 Dwight's Speech 954 Michael Speaker at the Sales Convention. Been there, done that. Went there again, did it again. Two years in a row. Consecutive. I just... I miss the feeling of knowing that you did a good job because someone gives you proof of it. Sir, you're awesome! Here's a plaque. What, a whole year has gone by and you need more proof? Here's a certificate. They stopped making plaques that year.
5831 2 17 Dwight's Speech 955 Dwight What if I give a really long, extended Thank You. For instance, "Thank you, Mr. Blank. Thank you very, very, very..."
5832 2 17 Dwight's Speech 955 Michael That would look terrible. These are mostly salesmen and salesmen expect to be entertained and you are the main act.
5833 2 17 Dwight's Speech 956 Dwight When I was in the sixth grade, I was a finalist in our school Spelling Bee. It was me against Raj Patel. And I misspelled, in front of the entire school, the word 'failure'.
5834 2 17 Dwight's Speech 957 Dwight I can't do this.
5835 2 17 Dwight's Speech 957 Michael That's because you're incapable of doing it because you don't know how. Because you have no skills. Dwight, there's no way I can possibly teach you what you need to know about public speaking by speech time.
5836 2 17 Dwight's Speech 957 Dwight Oh, okay.
5837 2 17 Dwight's Speech 957 Michael But I can teach you enough so that you don't embarrass me or the company.
5838 2 17 Dwight's Speech 957 Dwight Okay, deal! I'll do whatever you say. No questions asked.
5839 2 17 Dwight's Speech 957 Michael Well, if you have a question, you should ask me.
5840 2 17 Dwight's Speech 957 Dwight I'll try and think of one. When...
5841 2 17 Dwight's Speech 957 Michael Don't. Don't try and think of a question to humor me. Just... try not to be such an idiot.
5842 2 17 Dwight's Speech 957 Dwight Is that an insult or is that part of the public speaking advice?
5843 2 17 Dwight's Speech 957 Michael Insult.
5844 2 17 Dwight's Speech 958 Pam Mom, I'm sorry. I know you and Dad are chipping in for the wedding but I do not want orange invitations. Yes! Well, if you really want my...
5845 2 17 Dwight's Speech 958 Jim Hi, yeah, can I talk to one of your travel agents?
5846 2 17 Dwight's Speech 959 Jim I'm going to take a trip. I'm going to get out of town for a while... and go someplace... not here.
5847 2 17 Dwight's Speech 960 Jim Where do I want to go? Um... that is an excellent question. And one I should have probably thought about before I called you. Um...
5848 2 17 Dwight's Speech 961 Oscar I get here early every morning so I can set the thermostat. I like it a little cooler, around 66 degrees. I'm more productive. Maybe some people don't like it as cold as I do, but I don't care.
5849 2 17 Dwight's Speech 962 Michael But seriously, what's the difference between a salesman and a saleswoman?
5850 2 17 Dwight's Speech 962 Dwight Saleswoman has a v*g1n*.
5851 2 17 Dwight's Speech 962 Michael It's a joke, Dwight. It's not a s*x Ed class.
5852 2 17 Dwight's Speech 962 Dwight But I'm right?
5853 2 17 Dwight's Speech 962 Michael Yeah, you're right about the difference between a man and a woman, but not about the punch line to the joke, right? The difference between a salesman and a saleswoman... is boobs!
5854 2 17 Dwight's Speech 962 Dwight Hey. Do you remember the speeches that you gave?
5855 2 17 Dwight's Speech 962 Michael I do. Both of them.
5856 2 17 Dwight's Speech 962 Dwight Could I have a copy of one of them?
5857 2 17 Dwight's Speech 962 Michael No, no! They would remember them. Look, it doesn't matter what you say. It just matters that you're saying something that people care about. Yeah? All right? Here we go. Watch this.
5858 2 17 Dwight's Speech 963 Michael Attention everybody! Attention please! I have some very great news from Corporate. We had a wonderful quarter and as a result all of you are getting bonuses for 1000 dollars!
5859 2 17 Dwight's Speech 963 Dwight Yeah!
5860 2 17 Dwight's Speech 963 Michael Congratulations.
5861 2 17 Dwight's Speech 963 Phyllis Unbelievable.
5862 2 17 Dwight's Speech 964 Michael You see that? You see how they responded to me? In that moment, I had them.
5863 2 17 Dwight's Speech 964 Dwight That is so great about the bonus!
5864 2 17 Dwight's Speech 964 Michael No, no! It's not true. I was just talking so just go out there and say anything. They'll eat it up. They're a great audience.
5865 2 17 Dwight's Speech 965 Stanley Go ahead. Get the wallpaper. Wallpaper the ceiling if you want. Call Terri and tell her she...
5866 2 17 Dwight's Speech 965 Phyllis It's unbelievable!
5867 2 17 Dwight's Speech 965 Dwight Excuse me! May I have your attention please? There has been an accident on 84 West. Cars have skidded off the road into the safety railing. Several cars have flipped. There is broken glass everywhere. Several people are injured.
5868 2 17 Dwight's Speech 965 Pam Do we know anyone who was in the accident?
5869 2 17 Dwight's Speech 965 Dwight Brad Pitt. Also there will be no bonuses.
5870 2 17 Dwight's Speech 965 Stanley Why would this affect our bonuses?
5871 2 17 Dwight's Speech 965 Dwight They are unrelated.
5872 2 17 Dwight's Speech 965 Kelly Is Brad okay?
5873 2 17 Dwight's Speech 965 Dwight He will never act again. Also, this branch is closing.
5874 2 17 Dwight's Speech 965 Oscar What the hell is going on here?
5875 2 17 Dwight's Speech 965 Angela Are we out of jobs?
5876 2 17 Dwight's Speech 965 Dwight Yes.
5877 2 17 Dwight's Speech 965 Kelly This is karma because of what he did to Jennifer Aniston.
5878 2 17 Dwight's Speech 965 Michael He's kidding. Dwight was kidding and I don't know why because it wasn't funny... and it was just horrible.
5879 2 17 Dwight's Speech 965 Stanley Michael?
5880 2 17 Dwight's Speech 965 Michael Yeah.
5881 2 17 Dwight's Speech 965 Stanley You said we were getting bonuses.
5882 2 17 Dwight's Speech 965 Michael All right. Everybody in the conference room now. Let's go. Let's do it.
5883 2 17 Dwight's Speech 965 Stanley Cancel wallpaper.
5884 2 17 Dwight's Speech 966 Michael As your leader and your friend, I sort of demand that you can all speak in public as I can... and did... twice. You saw the plaque, right? All right. We're all going to go around the room and we're going to make toasts. And that way, we will overcome our fear of public speaking.
5885 2 17 Dwight's Speech 966 Pam You mean Toastmasters?
5886 2 17 Dwight's Speech 966 Michael Pam! I'm public speaking. Stop public interrupting me. Actually, this would be good practice for your wedding toast.
5887 2 17 Dwight's Speech 966 Pam Yeah, the bride doesn't really do... Have you ever been to a wedding?
5888 2 17 Dwight's Speech 966 Jim Can I go?
5889 2 17 Dwight's Speech 966 Michael Yes. Good. Jim taking the initiative.
5890 2 17 Dwight's Speech 966 Jim So. Uh... I am going on a trip. But not really sure where I'm going yet. It's kind of open-ended. So I was hoping maybe you guys would have some suggestions?
5891 2 17 Dwight's Speech 966 Kevin You should go to Hedonism.
5892 2 17 Dwight's Speech 966 Jim What is that?
5893 2 17 Dwight's Speech 966 Kevin It's like Club Med, but everything is naked.
5894 2 17 Dwight's Speech 966 Jim I was thinking more like Europe. Or something like that. But, good second choice.
5895 2 17 Dwight's Speech 966 Toby Been to Amsterdam.
5896 2 17 Dwight's Speech 966 Michael Oh ho hokay. You know what? That's not a toast. You're not standing up.
5897 2 17 Dwight's Speech 966 Toby To Amsterdam.
5898 2 17 Dwight's Speech 966 Jim When did you go there?
5899 2 17 Dwight's Speech 966 Toby Umm... After my divorce. Yeah.
5900 2 17 Dwight's Speech 966 Jim Really for like how long?
5901 2 17 Dwight's Speech 966 Toby Uh, about a week. Er... .um... .maybe a month. I uh can't...
5902 2 17 Dwight's Speech 966 Creed Jimmy, listen to me. You do not want to go to Amsterdam. Trust me.
5903 2 17 Dwight's Speech 966 Jim Where do I want to go?
5904 2 17 Dwight's Speech 966 Creed I'd send you to Hong Kong.
5905 2 17 Dwight's Speech 967 Creed Like to say 'Hi' to my friends in China.
5906 2 17 Dwight's Speech 968 Michael Okay, Dwight. Show us what you have learned today.
5907 2 17 Dwight's Speech 968 Dwight Good morning, Vietnam! Okay. You know what? This isn't working. Because um I'm not nervous in front of them. They're my subordinates.
5908 2 17 Dwight's Speech 968 Jim No. We're not.
5909 2 17 Dwight's Speech 968 Dwight Uh, yes you are. I'm Assistant Regional Manager.
5910 2 17 Dwight's Speech 968 Jim Which means absolutely nothing.
5911 2 17 Dwight's Speech 968 Dwight Michael, can you explain?
5912 2 17 Dwight's Speech 968 Michael Well, it's mostly made up. So...
5913 2 17 Dwight's Speech 969 Michael Dwight is not going to do a job. It's sad. And they're expecting excellence because I did do such a good job. Two years in a row. I killed. It was amazing.
5914 2 17 Dwight's Speech 970 Michael Confidence, Dwight.
5915 2 17 Dwight's Speech 971 Jim Dwight. If you could travel anywhere in the world where would you go?
5916 2 17 Dwight's Speech 971 Dwight I can travel anywhere except Cuba. And I will travel to New Zealand. And walk the 'Lord of the Rings' trail to Mordor. And then I will hike Mount Doom. So... no... just leave me alone.
5917 2 17 Dwight's Speech 971 Jim Okay. Just trying to get some advice on my trip.
5918 2 17 Dwight's Speech 971 Dwight Oh please! You're not taking any trip.
5919 2 17 Dwight's Speech 971 Jim You know I majored in Public Speaking in College.
5920 2 17 Dwight's Speech 971 Dwight You did?
5921 2 17 Dwight's Speech 971 Jim Mmmhmm. And the first thing they teach you is that you've got to be true to your self. And you are all about authority.
5922 2 17 Dwight's Speech 971 Dwight Yes. I am.
5923 2 17 Dwight's Speech 971 Jim The great speakers throughout history were not joke tellers. They were people of passion. So if you want to do well today, you got to do what they did.
5924 2 17 Dwight's Speech 971 Dwight Which is?
5925 2 17 Dwight's Speech 971 Jim You've got to wave your arms and you've got to pound your fists. Many times. It's supposed to emphasize your point.
5926 2 17 Dwight's Speech 972 Jim Ok, I didn't actually major in Public Speaking. But, I did download speeches from some of history's famous dictators. Like this one . Originally given by Benito Mussolini.
5927 2 17 Dwight's Speech 973 Dwight I'll glance at it.
5928 2 17 Dwight's Speech 974 Michael It's time, Dwight. The grim reaper is here.
5929 2 17 Dwight's Speech 974 Angela The very best of luck to you, Dwight.
5930 2 17 Dwight's Speech 974 Dwight Thank you, Angela.
5931 2 17 Dwight's Speech 975 Kelly Why'd you pick the V.A. for the reception?
5932 2 17 Dwight's Speech 975 Pam Roy has a connection. It's nicer than you think.
5933 2 17 Dwight's Speech 975 Ryan You're inviting Jim?
5934 2 17 Dwight's Speech 975 Pam Of course. He's one of my closest friends.
5935 2 17 Dwight's Speech 976 Michael All right. You ready? Here we go! Wow. It's a little bit bigger than I remember. Come on. We're down here. Right.
5936 2 17 Dwight's Speech 977 Overhead You all ready for this?
5937 2 17 Dwight's Speech 978 Angela I am just feeling under the weather. And... I think that I will go home and rest.
5938 2 17 Dwight's Speech 978 Kevin I've never, ever seen you take a sick day.
5939 2 17 Dwight's Speech 978 Angela Well, I've seen you take enough for the both of us.
5940 2 17 Dwight's Speech 979 Speaker Next, I'd like to introduce the Dunder Mifflin Salesman of the Year, Dwight Schrute!
5941 2 17 Dwight's Speech 979 Michael Dwight, they called your name.
5942 2 17 Dwight's Speech 979 Speaker Dwight, how we doing?
5943 2 17 Dwight's Speech 979 Dwight No, I can't... I ca...
5944 2 17 Dwight's Speech 979 Michael All right. You know what? Okay. No. No problem. You are lucky you have me here. I'm going to cover for you. All right!
5945 2 17 Dwight's Speech 979 Michael Gooood morning, Vietnaaaam! I am not Dwight Schrute. Not at all. I am Michael Scott, his mentor and boss. And until Dwight comes up, if he ever does, I wanted to say a few words about excellence. What makes a work environment excellent? Well, there are many things, I believe, that do such a thing of that nature. And one would be humor. What is the difference between a salesman and a saleswoman?
5946 2 17 Dwight's Speech 980 Kevin I always set it at 69.
5947 2 17 Dwight's Speech 981 Pam Maybe we'll use a DJ. That's the one thing Roy's in charge of for this wedding but all he's managed to do is set a date.
5948 2 17 Dwight's Speech 981 Kelly But he did a great job. June 10th is perfect. I want a June wedding. I've always wanted one. Ryan, do you know when you would want to get married?
5949 2 17 Dwight's Speech 981 Ryan Actually, I don't see myself ever getting married.
5950 2 17 Dwight's Speech 981 Kelly Oh.
5951 2 17 Dwight's Speech 981 Pam Ryan, you should be more sensitive. It's obvious she likes you and comments like that, they just...
5952 2 17 Dwight's Speech 981 Ryan I know what I said.
5953 2 17 Dwight's Speech 982 Michael I'm very sorry. I did not know you were wearing a hearing aid and I just thought you were speaking abnormally. ...And now the black guy from the 'Police Academy' movies. A robot. Michael Winslow, anyone?
5954 2 17 Dwight's Speech 983 Michael Car starting. All right, Dwight Schrute everyone.
5955 2 17 Dwight's Speech 983 Michael Good luck. That is a tough crowd.
5956 2 17 Dwight's Speech 983 Dwight Blood alone moves the wheels of history! Have you ever asked yourselves in an hour of meditation, which everyone finds during the day. how long we have been striving for greatness? Not only the years we've been at war, the war of work, but from the moment as a child when we realized that the world could be conquered. It has been a lifetime's struggle . A never-ending fight. I say to you and you'll understand that it is a privilege to fight!
5957 2 17 Dwight's Speech 983 Dwight WE ARE WARRIORS!
5958 2 17 Dwight's Speech 983 Dwight Salesman of Northeastern Pennsylvania, I ask you once more rise and be worthy of this historical hour!
5959 2 17 Dwight's Speech 983 Dwight Yeah. Yes!
5960 2 17 Dwight's Speech 984 Oscar I've got a time share in Key West that might be available.
5961 2 17 Dwight's Speech 984 Jim Maybe. Thanks.
5962 2 17 Dwight's Speech 984 Ryan You really think you're going to go?
5963 2 17 Dwight's Speech 984 Jim Yeah. I'm definitely going.
5964 2 17 Dwight's Speech 984 Ryan Nice. Send me a postcard.
5965 2 17 Dwight's Speech 985 Ryan Jim has worked at the same place for five years. Jim eats the same ham and cheese sandwich everyday for lunch. I don't know. If I were a betting man, I'd say he will have a fun weekend in Philadelphia.
5966 2 17 Dwight's Speech 986 Dwight No revolution is worth anything unless it can defend itself.
5967 2 17 Dwight's Speech 986 Dwight Some people will tell you salesman is a bad word. They'll conjure up images of used car dealers and door to door charlatans. This is our duty - to change their perception. I say salesmen... and women of the world unite! We must never acquiesce for it is together, TOGETHER, THAT WE PREVAIL! We must never cede control of the motherland! For it is...
5968 2 17 Dwight's Speech 986 Crowd Together that we prevail!
5969 2 17 Dwight's Speech 987 Pam Australia? I have always wanted to go there?
5970 2 17 Dwight's Speech 987 Jim I'm going. I'm a little nervous to run into Dwight on his connecting flight to Mordor. But, other than that... um, yeah, I bought the ticket, non-refundable.
5971 2 17 Dwight's Speech 987 Pam That's awesome. Where are you staying?
5972 2 17 Dwight's Speech 987 Jim I don't know. I feel like I have plenty of time to figure out the details but...
5973 2 17 Dwight's Speech 987 Pam When are you leaving?
5974 2 17 Dwight's Speech 987 Jim I'm... leaving on June 8th.
5975 2 17 Dwight's Speech 987 Pam Oh.
5976 2 17 Dwight's Speech 987 Jim Yeah. And I'm really sorry about that, I just...
5977 2 17 Dwight's Speech 987 Pam Oh yeah. That's too bad.
5978 2 17 Dwight's Speech 987 Jim Yeah. Do you want me to take these on my way out?
5979 2 17 Dwight's Speech 987 Pam It's ok. I got it.
5980 2 17 Dwight's Speech 987 Jim Alright.
5981 2 17 Dwight's Speech 988 Dwight Ok, thanks. There you are. What happened?
5982 2 17 Dwight's Speech 988 Michael I got thirsty. How'd it go?
5983 2 17 Dwight's Speech 988 Dwight It was amazing. I wish you would have been there.
5984 2 17 Dwight's Speech 988 Michael You would not believe what happened here.
5985 2 17 Dwight's Speech 988 Dwight What? Something happened?
5986 2 17 Dwight's Speech 988 Michael Oh! This woman came in, sat down, ordered a drink. The bartender asked for her ID which I thought was odd because I pegged her at like 35.
5987 2 17 Dwight's Speech 988 Dwight Weird.
5988 2 17 Dwight's Speech 988 Michael Yeah, it was weird. So, she was like 'I don't have my ID, please give me one.' And he was like 'I can't do that. I can't serve you.'
5989 2 17 Dwight's Speech 988 Dwight Con artist.
5990 2 17 Dwight's Speech 988 Michael She might have been. So she says 'Fine. I will go to my room. I will get my purse. I will come back. I'll show you my ID.' She hasn't come back yet. She's probably in her room drinking from the mini-bar! Right?
5991 2 17 Dwight's Speech 989 Michael Dwight gave a great speech. That's the word on the street anyway. And I entertained Dwight to no end with my bar stories. So, I captivated the guy who captivated a thousand guys. Can you believe that? A thousand guys?
5992 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 990 Pam I'm looking forward to 'Take Your Daughter to Work' day. I am not great with kids, but I wanna get better. Because I'm getting married. So, I put out a bunch of extra candy out on my desk so the kids will come talk to me. ...Like the witch in Hanzel and Gretel.
5993 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 991 Jim Bribery. Nice.
5994 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 991 Pam Oh, I have more.
5995 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 991 Michael Pam. Ms. Beasley if yer nastay! Janet Jackson. Hey! You having a wardrobe malfunction there? Or w---
5996 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 991 Pam Oh, Michael. You can't be nasty today. 'Cause of the...
5997 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 991 Michael ... Oh, God is that today?
5998 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 991 Pam I reminded you last night.
5999 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 992 Michael Listen, I like kids. But this is not a kid's environment. This is like HBO, no limits. Who knows what I'm going to say? Crazy stuff. And it is R rated, it is not rated G. I am like Eddie Murphy in "Raw," and they are trying to make me into Eddie Murphy in "Daddy Daycare." both great movies, but, still.
6000 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 993 Michael Well, I'll be in my office.
6001 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 993 Pam Don't you think you should say something?
6002 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 993 Michael They're cool.
6003 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 993 Pam Michael, I think that as the boss you should really---
6004 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 993 Michael Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. Hi, children. I'm Michael Scott, and... I... am in charge of this place... ahh, what'll make you... understand... I am... like Superman, and the people who work here are like citizens of Gotham City.
6005 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 993 Jim, Dwight That's Batman.
6006 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 993 Michael Okay, I'm Aquaman. Where does he live, guys?
6007 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 993 Jim The ocean.
6008 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 993 Michael I work with a bunch of nerds.
6009 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 994 Dwight Mmm... hello tiny one.
6010 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 994 Toby Come on.
6011 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 994 Dwight You are the future!
6012 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 995 Kevin This... is my file cabinet. Uhm... oh. This... is the partition... between my desk... and Angela's.
6013 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 996 Kevin Abby's my fiancee Stacy's daughter, I think she'll have a good time. I just hope she doesn't look on my computer. ...Actually, I'd better go check.
6014 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 997 Stanley Michael, you remember my daughter, Melissa.
6015 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 997 Michael Oh, yes, hello, how are you? Good to see you. Wow, you've really grown up. You know what? Don't mind me saying so, she is turning into a stone cold fox. Better keep the... frat boys away from her.
6016 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 997 Melissa I'm in eighth grade.
6017 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 997 Michael Oh.
6018 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 997 Stanley She's in middle school.
6019 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 997 Michael Yeah, middle school's amazing. It is extraordinary. An extraordinary time.
6020 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 998 Michael It's not that children make me uncomfortable, it's just that, why be a dad when you can be a fun uncle? I've never heard of anyone rebelling against their fun uncle.
6021 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 999 Michael They want how many spiral pads?
6022 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 999 Meredith Um, fif--well, fifty... I... over ordered because they had a back order.
6023 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 999 Michael Okay.
6024 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1000 Meredith I got permission to bring Jake into work, which is great because he got suspended this week and now I don't have to pay for a sitter.
6025 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1001 Angela Can you put that down there?
6026 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1001 Kelly Yep.
6027 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1001 Toby Okay, tell them what you wanted to say.
6028 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1001 Sasha Do you need any help?
6029 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1001 Angela No. Thanks. We'd... have to explain everything, it's probably just easier if we do it ourselves.
6030 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1001 Toby Alright, I wasn't expecting that. Let's uh... let's go draw.
6031 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1001 Kelly Oh my God, she is so cute, I want to die. Don't you just love kids, Angela?
6032 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1001 Angela I guess I wouldn't mind a pair of small, well-behaved boys.
6033 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1001 Kelly God I cannot wait to get pregnant and have babies!
6034 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1002 Ryan Kelly and I both agreed that we would just have fun, and, I'm learning that fun for Kelly is... getting married and having babies. Immediately. With me.
6035 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1003 Michael Just compare last year's order to this year's. Uh-huh. Yeah, I'm looking at it right now. ... Yes. We--yeah, they're very--they're different. Yeah, we can stick with last year's, you're just going to have to supplement it, somehow.
6036 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1004 Pam Hey, Abby! Do you want to help me shred some old documents? It's actually pretty cool.
6037 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1004 Abby No thanks.
6038 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1005 Pam I only have one goal today. To make one kid like me. Just one.
6039 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1006 Jim What are you reading?
6040 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1006 Abby From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler.
6041 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1006 Jim Aww, best book?
6042 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1006 Abby Yeah, but I've read it before.
6043 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1006 Jim Pfft. So have I. Hey, question. If you had to spend a night in the Met or the Aquarium, which would it be?
6044 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1006 Abby Definitely the Aquarium.
6045 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1006 Jim Definitely. Yes. Glad you said that. ...You don't want to help me with some of my sales, do you? 'Cause, I'm kind of swamped.
6046 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1006 Abby Sure.
6047 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1006 Jim Really?
6048 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1006 Abby Mmhmm!
6049 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1006 Jim Yesss. And you're Abby, right?
6050 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1006 Abby Yeah.
6051 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1006 Jim I'm Jim. Annnnd... let's sell some paper.
6052 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1006 Abby Alright.
6053 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1006 Jim Let's start with... your mom.
6054 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1007 Michael Yes. Well... we can... uhm... hey, uh, you know what? Can I call you back? I'll call you right back. Yes, I promise. ...Hello, can I help you? ... You can pick that up, if you want. That's--- that's alright. Want to bring it over... here, make some room. My name's Michael. What's your name?
6055 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1007 Sasha Sasha.
6056 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1007 Michael Nice to meet you.
6057 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1007 Sasha Ooh!
6058 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1007 Michael Oh, you know what that is! That is a train whistle, like I'm the conductor. But I'm sort of the conductor of the office here, right? You want to try?
6059 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1007 Sasha Sure.
6060 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1007 Michael All aboard for sales! Next stop, Cu...camonga!
6061 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1008 Jim Ow, ow, ow, ow, you broke my hand.
6062 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1008 Dwight There is no way that hurt.
6063 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1008 Jim Really? 'Cause she's pretty strong, Dwight.
6064 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1008 Dwight Little girl. Come over here. Shake my hand. Come on, I don't have all day. I don't feel anything. Nothing. You're so weak. Uh, excuse me, these are expensive collector's items, okay?
6065 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1008 Jake Do you have any computer games?
6066 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1008 Dwight No, I don't have computer games on my work computer. That would be innappropriate.
6067 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1008 Jake Yeah, Meredith doesn't have any either. It's so lame here.
6068 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1008 Dwight You call your mom Meredith? That's very disrespectful.
6069 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1008 Jake Whatever, okay?
6070 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1008 Dwight You can refer to me as Mister Schrute.
6071 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1008 Jake That's your name? Mister Poop?
6072 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1008 Dwight Schrute. Mister Schrute.
6073 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1008 Jake Sure, Mister Poop.
6074 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1008 Dwight ... Schrute.
6075 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1009 Sasha Are you Mother Goose?
6076 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1010 Melissa I drink like, a hundred Ice Macchiatos a day, and practically nothing else.
6077 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1010 Ryan Wow.
6078 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1010 Melissa There's a really cool coffee place, Jitters, at the Steamtown Mall. Ever been there?
6079 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1010 Ryan No.
6080 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1010 Ryan Uhm...
6081 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1010 Melissa Come on! You have an email address?
6082 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1011 Kelly ...that I thought you should know ...
6083 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1011 Stanley Mmhmm. What?
6084 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1011 Kelly I think something a little fishy is going on.
6085 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1011 Stanley A little fishy?
6086 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1011 Kelly Yeah. I mean, I've been noticing them all day, I was thinking that maybe ...
6087 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1012 Stanley That little girl is a child! I don't want to see you sniffing around her anymore this afternoon, do you understand?!
6088 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1012 Ryan Yes, I--
6089 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1012 Stanley Boy have you lost your mind? 'Cause I'll help you find it! Whatcha lookin' for, ain't nobody gonna help you out there! Jesus could come through that door and he's not gonna help you if you don't stop sniffing after my child!
6090 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1012 Ryan Okay.
6091 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1013 Ryan Stanley yelled at me today. That was one of the most frightening experiences of my life.
6092 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1014 Dwight That was Greensleeves. A traditional English Ballad about the beheaded Anne Boleyn. And now, a very special treat... a book my Grandmutter used to read me when I was a kid. This is a very special story, it's called Struwwelpeter, by Heinrich Hoffman from 1864. The great tall tailor always comes to little girls that suck their thumbs--- are you listening, Sasha? Right? And 'ere they dream when he's about, he takes his great sharp scissors out, and then cuts their thumbs clean off!
6093 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1014 Michael Dwight! Dwight!
6094 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1014 Dwight There's a photo...
6095 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1014 Michael What the hell are you reading to them?
6096 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1014 Dwight These are cautionary tales for kids, my Grandmata used to read these---
6097 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1014 Michael Yeah, you know what? No, no no no no. They, no. The kids don't want to hear some wierdo book that your Nazi war criminal grandmother gave you.
6098 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1014 Sasha What's a Nazi?
6099 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1014 Michael What's a Nazi?
6100 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1014 Dwight Nazi was a fascist movement...
6101 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1014 Michael Don't!
6102 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1014 Dwight ...from the 1930's...
6103 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1014 Michael Don't! Don't! Don't talk about Nazis in front of--- you know what? They're going to have nightmares, so why don't you just shut it?
6104 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1014 Dwight I was gonna teach the children how to make corn-husk dolls.
6105 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1014 Michael Why don't you just leave? Okay?
6106 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1014 Dwight ...Okay.
6107 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1014 Jake Bye, Mister Poop.
6108 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1014 Michael Alright. There goes Mister Poop. Now, who likes Dane Cook?
6109 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1014 The Kids I do, I do!
6110 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1015 Michael Children cannot lie. They are innocent, and they speak the truth, and out of the mouths of babes, Michael Scott is freaking cool.
6111 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1016 Angela You know, I never misbehaved in front of my father because he was a very strict disciplinarian. I can only hope my mate has some of those same qualities .
6112 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1017 Michael This is where the magic happens! Right over here, let me show you this. See all these? You know what that is? That's paper. This is where paper comes from. Any questions?
6113 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1017 Melissa So... you cut the paper and dye it and stuff.
6114 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1017 Michael No, we don't actually cut the paper. That's a good question. The paper is sent to us cut, and dyed, from a paper manufacturer, and then we sell it to a business for more than we paid for it.
6115 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1017 Abby That's not fair.
6116 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1017 Michael Yes it is, well, w-w--you need someone in the middle to facilitate...
6117 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1017 Jake You're just a middleman.
6118 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1017 Michael I'm not just a middle... man...
6119 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1017 Melissa Wait, why doesn't the saw mill just sell paper directly to people?
6120 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1017 Michael You are describing Office Depot, and they're kind of running us out of business.
6121 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1017 Dwight We have better service than they do!
6122 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1017 Michael ...There's Creed! Let's take a look at what he's doing, everybody! This is Creed, and he is in charge of... something. Right?
6123 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1017 Creed That is correct.
6124 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1017 Michael Say hi to the kids.
6125 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1017 Creed Hi kids.
6126 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1017 Michael Yaaaaay.
6127 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1017 Creed Have you ever seen a foot with four toes?
6128 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1017 Kids Ewwww!
6129 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1017 Michael What are you doing? N--stop it! Stop it! Just--no, no, no, no! No! Would you cut it out?! What is your problem?
6130 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1017 Creed Th-the hair covers it, mostly.
6131 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1017 Michael No no no, we're not gonna see--- we're not gonna see the four toed... Creed, okay?
6132 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1018 Michael You know, there's something interesting about me you might want to know. I ... used to be ... the star of a kids show.
6133 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1018 Kids No way.
6134 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1018 Michael It's true. I did.
6135 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1018 Melissa You serious?
6136 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1018 Jake Really?
6137 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1018 Michael I am totally serious. There was a show called 'Fundle Bundle' and I was the star.
6138 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1018 Abby That doesn't sound like a show.
6139 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1018 Melissa What?!
6140 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1018 Michael It's true! I can prove it! I can prove it, watch this. Ryan, can you come here a second? I would like you to go to my mother's house in Dickson city, and if she is in the pool, the back kitchen window should be unlocked, I want you to boost yourself up, I want you to go down to the basement. In the basement is a tape labeled 'Fundle Bundle'. I want you to grab it, I want you to get my guitar.
6141 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1018 Ryan Right. Okay.
6142 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1018 Michael I want you to get the tambourine. Do you know how to play the tambourine?
6143 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1018 Ryan Um, I'm already getting the pizzas from Bernetti's, so...
6144 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1018 Melissa You know, I can go with him.
6145 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1018 Michael Oka--
6146 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1018 Ryan No! I will... go.
6147 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1018 Michael Okay! Thank you Ryan. Good attitude, hottest in the office.
6148 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1019 Michael Alright, nowwww... what kind... of pizza do you like?
6149 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1020 Michael I don't get why parents are always complaining about how tough it is to raise kids. You joke around with them, you give them pizza, you give them candy, you let them live their lives... They're adults, for God's sake.
6150 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Michael I am going to give you a little blast from the past of Michael Gary Scott when he was a child star, and a show that you might remember called 'Fundle Bundle.' Okay? Without further ado, Ryan?
6151 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Miss Trudy ...Bundle, are you ready to come on in? Let's have some fun!
6152 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Michael That... is Miss Trudy. Can't tell from the costume, but she had an amazing body. Okay, you can... fast forward. And... I want you... to...
6153 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Dwight Is that a real fun shooting windmill?
6154 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Michael Stop! Stop! Stop! Yes! That is, uh, Edward R. Meow.
6155 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Jim That's pretty funny.
6156 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Michael Yeah.
6157 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Edward R. Meow ...Recess! Hey, what's your name?
6158 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Chet My name's Chet.
6159 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Edward R. Meow Well hi Chet.
6160 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Oscar Is that Chet Montgomery?
6161 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Michael Uhh, I don't know.
6162 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Pam That is!
6163 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Darryl Checkin' in with Chet. Doppler's up.
6164 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Edward R. Meow What do you want to be when you grow up?
6165 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Chet I want to be on TV!
6166 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Michael Can everyone please shut up, please! So you don't miss it.
6167 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Edward R. Meow Okay, next? So, whats your name?
6168 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Michael Oh! That's me. Shh. Shh.
6169 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Edward R. Meow Well what's your favorite subject at school?
6170 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Young Michael Recess.
6171 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Edward R. Meow Ree-cesss. So tell me, what do you want to be when you grow up?
6172 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Young Michael I want to be married and have a hundred kids so I can have a hundred friends, and no one can say no to being my friend.
6173 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Edward R. Meow Uh, ah... oh, okay! Well uh, nice talking with you, Michael. Uh, back to you Miss Trudy!
6174 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Miss Trudy Hi everyone, it's one of my favorite times of the day.
6175 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Michael Coulda sworn there was...
6176 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Melissa Did you get married?
6177 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Michael ...uh, no.
6178 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Abby Why not?
6179 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Michael Uh, just never happened.
6180 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Sasha So, do you have any kids?
6181 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Michael Uh, nope.
6182 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Jake Do you have a girlfriend?
6183 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Michael I do okay.
6184 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Melissa Was Chet Montgomery cool back then?
6185 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Michael Yes.
6186 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Jake Even I have a girlfriend.
6187 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Michael Okay! Alright, okay.
6188 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Sasha So you didn't get to be what you wanted to be.
6189 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1021 Michael ...I guess not... you know, I have a load of work to do so I am going to grab a slice of this delish pizza... and I'm going to go do my work. Bye.
6190 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1022 Pam He's not coming out. He won't pick up the phone.
6191 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1022 Jim Can't believe his mom dressed him like that, that's the real tragedy.
6192 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1022 Roy Pam! Pam! I love this guy! Come on!
6193 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1023 Melissa Who? Terry?
6194 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1023 Pam Mmhmm.
6195 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1023 Melissa That woman is not my mother. That is my step-mother.
6196 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1024 Jake Mister Poop, I have to tell you something.
6197 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1024 Dwight Uh, okay. But first, that's not my name.
6198 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1024 Jake You're ugly.
6199 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1024 Dwight Well at least I'm not a horrible little latchkey kid who got suspended from school. So...
6200 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1024 Jake Meredith!
6201 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1025 Michael Yeah?
6202 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1025 Toby I think these belong to you.
6203 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1025 Michael Oh, that's okay, she can keep those.
6204 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1025 Toby Believe me, she has enough toys... she doesn't need your watch.
6205 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1025 Michael Thank you.
6206 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1025 Toby Is everything okay?
6207 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1025 Michael You have to ask me that because you work for human resources.
6208 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1025 Toby Uh... it's true...
6209 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1026 Michael Well, sure, playing the field is great, don't get me wrong, but there's more to life than notches just on my bedpost.
6210 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1026 Toby Mmhmm.
6211 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1026 Michael Tell me something honestly, do you... think... that it is too late for me to have kids?
6212 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1026 Toby Well, you need a wife first, or at least a girlfriend.
6213 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1026 Michael What about...
6214 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1026 Toby Not Jan.
6215 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1026 Michael ...Jan. Kay.
6216 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1026 Toby If you really want to have kids, I--- I guess you could somehow... foster parent, or something.
6217 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1026 Michael ...Or biologically.
6218 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1026 Toby Somehow.
6219 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1026 Michael Thanks, that's, no, that... that really means a lot to me. Hey, does Sasha have a godfather, because I...
6220 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1026 Toby Yes.
6221 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1026 Michael Oh... kay.
6222 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1027 Jake Is it okay if I take one?
6223 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1027 Pam Sure.
6224 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1027 Jake Thank you.
6225 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1027 Pam You're welcome.
6226 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1027 Jake Is your job hard?
6227 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1027 Pam It's not too bad. I get to shred things sometimes, do you want to see?
6228 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1027 Jake Yeah!
6229 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1027 Pam Really?
6230 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1027 Jake Yeah.
6231 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1027 Pam Okay. Um... here it is. Don't put your fingers in there. Cool huh?
6232 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1027 Jake That's so cool, yeah!
6233 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1027 Pam Yeah, I get to do this like, every week.
6234 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1027 Jake That's so awesome!
6235 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1027 Pam I know.
6236 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1028 Michael Yes, it is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username. And... I have a great one . Little kid lover. That way, people will know exactly where my priorities are at.
6237 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1029 Kevin Go ahead.
6238 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1029 Abby Do you want to come over for dinner tonight?
6239 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1029 Jim Ohh, man, I would love to! I can't tonight, but can I come over some other time?
6240 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1029 Kevin What're you doing? You never have plans.
6241 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1029 Jim Thanks, Kev. Uhm... I'm actually going on a date.
6242 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1029 Kevin Niiice.
6243 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1029 Michael Hey, uh, no, please? You can't leave yet. There's still one more thing we need to do.
6244 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1029 Michael You... who are on the road... must have a code... that you can live by... and so... become yourself... because the past... is just a goodbye... and teach... your children well...
6245 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1029 Jim Why does he own a guitar if he doesn't know how to play?
6246 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1029 Pam I think he thought his ukulele skills would transfer.
6247 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1029 Michael, Dwight ...did slowly go by... and feed... them on your dreams...
6248 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1029 Pam My theory is that...
6249 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1029 Michael, Dwight ...The one they picked... the one you'll know by... don't you ever ask them why... if I told you would cry... you never look at them and sigh... and know they love you...
6250 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1029 Dwight And they do, your parents, love you very much.
6251 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1029 Michael One more time. You...
6252 2 18 Take Your Daughter to Work Day 1030 Dwight The Schrutes consider children very valuable. In the olden days, the women would bear many children, so we would have enough laborers to work the fields. And if it was an especially cold winter, and there weren't enough grains or vegetables, they would eat the weakest of the brood. They didn't eat the children.
6253 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1031 Michael So, Phil recruited me to sell these cards, and now I am recruiting you.
6254 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1031 Oscar Who is this guy again?
6255 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1031 Michael Don't worry about Phil. He drives a corvette. He is doing just fine. Okay. Calling cards are... the wave of the future. These things sell themselves.
6256 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1031 Ryan Who uses calling cards anymore?
6257 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1031 Michael You know what? That's a nice attitude, Ryan, I'm just helping you invest in your future, my friend.
6258 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1031 Oscar This sounds like a get rich quick scheme.
6259 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1031 Michael Yes! Thank you! You will get rich quick. We all will!
6260 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1031 Toby Didn't you lose a lot of money on that other investment, the one from the email?
6261 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1031 Michael You know what, Toby? When the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly, asking for help, you help! His father ran the freaking country, okay? ...Alright, so, raise your hand if you wanna get rich. Alright.
6262 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1031 Jim No, um. How is this not a pyramid scheme?
6263 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1031 Michael Alright, let me explain. Again. Phil has recruited me and another guy. Now, we are getting three people each. The more people that get involved, the more who are investing, the more money we're all going to make. It's not a pyramid scheme, it is a... it's not even a scheme per se, it's... ... I have to go make a call.
6264 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1032 Pam Happy birthday Michael.
6265 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1032 Michael Oh ho ho! What?
6266 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1032 Pam I said happy birthday.
6267 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1032 Michael Thank you! That's really nice.
6268 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1033 Michael What's up?
6269 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1033 Jim Hey. ...Oh, happy birthday.
6270 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1033 Michael Ah, thank you sir.
6271 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1034 Meredith Did you hear anything yet?
6272 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1034 Kevin No. I'm still waiting.
6273 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1035 Michael Yeah.
6274 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1035 Dwight Yes. There he is, the birthday boy!
6275 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1035 Michael Ohh, god.
6276 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1035 Dwight Birthday hug!
6277 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1035 Michael No no no, no, new suit, please.
6278 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1035 Dwight That suit is amazing.
6279 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1035 Michael Thank you very much. It is from Italy. Actually--- no, Bulgaria.
6280 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1035 Dwight Mmm. Maybe I should get one.
6281 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1035 Michael Good luck. One of a kind.
6282 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1035 Dwight Ebay. Hm. Question! May I be in charge of the party planning festivities?
6283 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1035 Michael Not necessary, the party planning committee is all over it. They've been working twenty-four seven all day yesterday.
6284 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1035 Dwight Excellent. On my part, I did manage to reserve the...
6285 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1035 Michael Don't! Nope! Please, don't want to spoil it for anybody. Spoil the surprise.
6286 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1035 Dwight Let's get the party started.
6287 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1035 Michael Let's get the party started. Not the way I taught you!
6288 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1036 Phyllis When should we bring out the cake, one or one thirty?
6289 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1036 Pam One's good.
6290 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1036 Angela One thirty. I'm sorry, are we boring you?
6291 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1036 Dwight Party planning committee, listen up. Michael would like trick candles for his birthday cake, so make that a priority.
6292 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1036 Phyllis Where do we get those?
6293 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1036 Dwight Not my problem. Here is a list of things that Michael would like to be surprised by.
6294 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1036 Pam Michael wants a strippergram?
6295 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1036 Dwight Yes, but he doesn't want to know when, or whom.
6296 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1036 Angela No. This is a closed door meeting.
6297 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1037 Michael Yeah?
6298 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1037 Pam Michael, I have Jan on the line.
6299 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1037 Michael Oh, great, put her through.
6300 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1037 Jan Hello, Michael.
6301 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1037 Michael Hey, you.
6302 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1037 Jan I'm... returning your call, you said it was urgent.
6303 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1037 Michael It is urgent, I just wanted to call and wish you a happy birthday.
6304 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1037 Jan Well, today's not my birthday, so...
6305 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1037 Michael Really? 'Cause, I thought we had the same birthday.
6306 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1037 Jan ...Happy birthday, Michael.
6307 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1037 Michael Thanks.
6308 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1037 Jan Am I on camera?
6309 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1037 Michael Nope. Totally private. You can say whatever is in your heart.
6310 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1037 Michael ...You can take a five, if you want.
6311 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1038 Michael Somebody brought in donuts for my birthday!
6312 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1038 Stanley Mmhmm, happy birthday.
6313 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1038 Michael Thanks.
6314 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1039 Jim Man, I'm so sorry. When do you find out?
6315 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1039 Kevin They said this afternoon. They're waiting on a second opinion.
6316 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1039 Jim Oh, okay.
6317 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1039 Kelly Second opinion on what?
6318 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1039 Kevin Um, I might have skin cancer.
6319 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1039 Jim Kelly, you know what...
6320 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1040 Kelly I never really thought about death until Princess Diana died. That was the saddest funeral ever. That and my sister's.
6321 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1041 Toby Who brought in donuts?
6322 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1041 Michael Somebody got donuts for my birthday!
6323 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1041 Toby Happy birthday!
6324 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1041 Michael You didn't know it was my birthday.
6325 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1041 Toby I... guess I forgot.
6326 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1041 Michael Well, I guess I forgot to give you a donut .
6327 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1041 Toby Are you serious?
6328 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1041 Michael Mmm.
6329 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1042 Oscar Skin cancer is treatable.
6330 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1042 Kevin Right.
6331 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1042 Oscar It's going to be okay.
6332 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1042 Angela You don't know it's going to be okay. Don't give him false hope. ...It's probably nothing, though.
6333 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1043 Delivery Woman Hi, delivery for Michael Scott.
6334 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1043 Michael Here we go. Ohhhkay, this is great! Thank you my friends, she is perfect! Ahhh, Dwight, may I have your chair please? And, um, some singles, if you will! Allllright. Nnnnn-dink! Okay, um, alright. This has arms. Is that gonna be a... is that alright?
6335 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1043 Delivery Woman Uh... s-sure.
6336 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1043 Michael Okay. I'm so nervous.
6337 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1043 Pam I can sign for it.
6338 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1043 Delivery Woman Oh. Thanks.
6339 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1044 Michael When I was seven, my mother hired a pony and a cart to come to my house for all the kids... and... I got a really bad rash from the pony, and all the kids got to ride the pony and I had to go inside, and my mother was rubbing cream on me... for probably three hours, and I never came outside. And by the time I got out the pony was already in the truck. And around the corner. So that was my worst birthday.
6340 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1045 Michael Stop it. Stop! What is that?
6341 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1045 Dwight It's 'For the Longest Time,' by William Joel. It's you favorite song.
6342 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1045 Michael Yeah, well, it's on the radio. My birthday blows. Nobody even signed my birthday poster. Probably my mother is the only one that cares enough to send me anything.
6343 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1045 Dwight I probably care more than she does.
6344 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1045 Michael You're making it worse. I bet Luke Perry's friends don't treat him like this .
6345 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1046 Pam When does he hear?
6346 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1046 Jim Sometime today.
6347 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1046 Pam Ohh... poor Kevin.
6348 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1047 Pam If I knew I had a week to live, I would... probably go to Europe. And South America. And the Grand Canyon. And... I would want to see the Pacific Ocean. ...It would be a pretty busy week.
6349 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1048 Dwight Uh, that's a list price of four dollars and fifty cents. Unfortunately, this item is on back... order... Michael! Michael! Michael Michael Michael! Come here, come here, come here! Come here!
6350 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1048 Michael What?
6351 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1048 Dwight Listen up everyone! It is 11:23 exactly, the exact moment when you emerged from your mother's vaginal canal, so... huh?! Right, have a seat. Please.
6352 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1048 Michael Ohhh, God.
6353 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1048 Dwight There is a tradition that the Hebrews have of hoisting the birthday boy up on a chair.
6354 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1048 Michael Ohhh, no.
6355 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1048 Dwight So come help me celebrate Michael's birth moment. Kevin!
6356 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1048 Oscar ...I'll do it.
6357 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1048 Michael Ohh, no, no, no! I can't... Ryan, come on. Let's do this.
6358 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1048 Dwight Creed! Come on. Stanley!
6359 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1048 Pam ...I feel like we should go get Kevin something. Do you think we can sneak out of here?
6360 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1048 Jim Maybe, but... we're gonna need somebody to create a diversion, and...
6361 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1048 Dwight On three, we're going to hoist away! Ready?
6362 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1048 Michael Okay.
6363 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1048 Dwight Happy birth moment, Michael.
6364 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1048 Michael Thank you.
6365 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1048 Dwight One. Two. Three!
6366 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1048 Michael Whoa whoa! Alright. Alright. Watch it... please.
6367 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1048 Dwight Oscar...
6368 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1048 Oscar It wasn't me.
6369 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1049 Delivery Boy Uh, we don't make an eight foot sub. This is eight one foot subs.
6370 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1049 Dwight F. Alright, what's the damage?
6371 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1049 Delivery Boy Uh, thirty-nine sixty.
6372 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1049 Dwight Thirty nine... sixty.
6373 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1050 Dwight Why tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did, however, tip my urologist, because... I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.
6374 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1051 Dwight Here they come.
6375 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1051 Michael Get in here... everybody.
6376 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1051 Dwight Come and get it!
6377 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1051 Michael Birthday party subs! My gift to you.
6378 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1051 Oscar What is this?
6379 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1051 Dwight Uh, bologna, tomato and ketchup.
6380 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1051 Michael The best.
6381 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1051 Stanley These are all the same?
6382 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1051 Michael Yes.
6383 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1051 Angela Bologna? I don't eat bologna.
6384 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1051 Michael Well, then just have the tomato and ketchup. Still good.
6385 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1051 Angela No.
6386 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1051 Michael Just the bread, it's fresh baked.
6387 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1051 Angela No.
6388 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1051 Michael Mm-kay. Get whatever you want. And choke on it.
6389 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1052 Jim So. We got Kev some stuff. Um... a party pack of M&M's, his favorite candy. A DVD of American Pie 2, which is his favorite movie, and, he lent it to Creed, so, I can guarantee you he won't get that back.
6390 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1052 Pam Sixty-nine cup of noodles.
6391 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1052 Jim Which we realize sounds crass, but, it... is his favorite number.
6392 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1052 Pam And his favorite lunch.
6393 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1053 Dwight Hey temp, you know uh, we still got five feet of sandwich left .
6394 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1053 Ryan Someone ate three feet of that thing?
6395 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1053 Dwight Hell, yeah. Save room for ice cream cake.
6396 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1053 Angela Oh. Thank you.
6397 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1053 Dwight Oh. I got it.
6398 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1053 Angela What are--- it's... the party planning committee.
6399 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1053 Dwight This is the most important day of the year. I can't risk anything.
6400 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1053 Angela Fine.
6401 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1053 Dwight What about that meeting... later... to discuss finances?
6402 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1053 Angela Yes... but don't expect any cookie.
6403 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1053 Dwight But what if i'm hungry?
6404 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1054 Jim ...What?
6405 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1054 Pam You use fabric softener?
6406 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1054 Jim Yeah, you don't?
6407 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1054 Pam No, I do.
6408 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1054 Jim ...Okay.
6409 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1055 Office Staff Happy birthday dear Michael, Happy birthday... ...tooo youuuu.
6410 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1055 Kevin Hello? Hey.
6411 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1055 Michael Kevin? Respect the birthday please.
6412 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1055 Kevin No, um, no not yet. I will. Bye. It was just Stacy.
6413 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1055 Michael Are you done? ...Good. Okay.
6414 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1055 Dwight Here we go. Make a wish.
6415 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1055 Michael Uhhh... blow out the candle. Okay. Mmmm...
6416 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1055 Dwight Yaoo yay!
6417 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1055 Michael ... I asked for trick candles.
6418 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1055 Dwight Pam was supposed to get 'em.
6419 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1055 Michael Okay. Well, when she comes back we'll do it again. Hello, what about the birthday boy? Haven't had a hug all day.
6420 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1055 Angela No one cares about your birthday. Kevin's waiting to hear if he has skin cancer.
6421 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1055 Michael ... Aww, that... sucks, great. ... Wow, that's good timing. That's... that's, sorry, that's terrible. Terrible news. That's terrible... terrible news for both of us .
6422 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1056 Pam We should probably head back.
6423 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1056 Jim Yeah. Okay. Oh. I dare you to make an announcement.
6424 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1056 Pam You dare me? How old are you?
6425 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1056 Jim Just... quit stalling.
6426 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1056 Pam Luke, this is your father. Come set the table for dinner.
6427 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1056 Jim Such a dork.
6428 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1056 Pam Jim Halpert? Price check on fabric softener, the kind that gives you...
6429 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1056 Store Employee Ma'am? Please don't touch that. That is not a toy.
6430 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1056 Pam Oh I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
6431 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1056 Jim How old are you?
6432 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1056 Pam I hate you.
6433 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1057 Toby Honestly, is there any way you can get on your fiancee's plan? Our health plan is s... just... it's terrible.
6434 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1057 Michael There you are. Good news. Did some research. It turns out that 98% of people with skin cancer fully recover.
6435 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1057 Kevin Still scary.
6436 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1057 Michael Yeah, but it's not brain cancer. And it shouldn't stop us from having fun. You know what they say the best medicine is.
6437 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1057 Kevin Well the doctor said a combination of interferon and dicarbazine.
6438 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1057 Michael And laughter... also.
6439 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1057 Toby I don't really think people are in the laughing mood.
6440 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1057 Michael Why are you here? I didn't even invite you to my birthday party.
6441 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1057 Toby I work here.
6442 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1057 Michael Nyeh, I work here. Alright, well, you know what, since Toby doesn't speak for everybody and I am your boss, I... think you should just go home. Take the rest of the afternoon off. Take a sick day.
6443 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1057 Kevin If I go home now, I'll just drive myself crazy.
6444 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1057 Michael Well, you're pretty much driving everyone else here crazy... crazy with worry.
6445 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1058 Dwight Where have you been? And don't say the bathroom, 'cause I kicked in all the stalls.
6446 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1058 Jim Well that's an invasion of privacy, so, I'm going to tell Michael.
6447 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1058 Dwight Please, don't.
6448 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1058 Jim You... owe me.
6449 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1058 Michael Excuse me, everyone. Attention please. Kevin, we're going to take you to a very special place, a place that will make you happy, and a place that is far, far away from the evil sun.
6450 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1058 Stanley Is this trip related in any way to your... birthday?
6451 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1058 Michael How dare you sir. You are gross.
6452 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1059 Michael That should not be there.
6453 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1059 Dwight I'll get someone to take it down.
6454 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1059 Michael No, it's alright. It's already up. Just leave it. Where's Kevin? Come on! Let's get our skate on!
6455 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1060 Kelly Don't be scared! You're good! You're good!
6456 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1060 Ryan Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa.
6457 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1061 Jim Think you can let go?
6458 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1061 Pam No.
6459 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1061 Jim Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa.
6460 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1061 Dwight YEAH!
6461 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1061 Pam Who is that?
6462 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1061 Jim Is that Michael?
6463 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1062 Michael Yeah, I've been pretty much skating my whole life. I thought about playing in the NHL, but, you're on the road so much. You got no time to spend with your wife and kids. And I really want a wife and kids.
6464 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1063 Pam I got it.
6465 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1063 Michael Hey Pam, all this stuff with Kevin... um, it's pretty scary. And I'm thinking that uh, next time you're in the shower, you should check yourself out. You know, give yourself an exam. Those things are like ticking time bags. Alright? Think about it.
6466 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1063 Jim ...It's something to think about.
6467 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1064 Kevin I can't relax about it, you know?
6468 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1064 Michael Kevin. You heard anything yet?
6469 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1064 Kevin No, not yet.
6470 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1064 Michael Okay. Well. Live strong.
6471 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1064 Kevin Okay, Michael.
6472 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1064 Michael Alright.
6473 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1064 Carol Michael?
6474 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1064 Michael Yeah. Carol? She sold me my condo! Hey! What, is this place on the market? Or...
6475 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1064 Carol Uhh, no, I... don't just sell real estate. Uh, my daughter has a skating lesson.
6476 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1064 Michael Oh, these... all your kids?
6477 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1064 Carol No just the front two.
6478 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1064 Michael Oh, hey guys. Whats up? You wanna go for a ride? Is that okay?
6479 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1064 Carol Sure.
6480 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1064 Michael Cool. Alright. Grab on. Here we go. Ready? Hang on tight. Alright. We are moving. We are reaaallly mooovin' now!
6481 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1065 Michael Push. Good! That's great. You got it. Excuse me.
6482 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1065 Kevin Hello? Yeah okay. Alright. Okay, I will, thanks. It was negative.
6483 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1065 Michael Oh... God... God! We're gonna beat this, okay? We're gonna... come here .
6484 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1066 Michael Well, apparently in the medicine community, negative means good. Which makes absolutely no sense. In the real world community, that would... be... chaos.
6485 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1067 Kevin This is awesome. Thanks, you guys.
6486 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1067 Michael Okay, who's this from? Wowwwee, look at that! Jersey!
6487 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1067 Dwight Turn it around. Turn it around.
6488 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1067 Michael Cool. Ohh. Great. From Dwight.
6489 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1067 Dwight Number one!!
6490 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1067 Michael Thank you... Dwight. That's great. Thanks.
6491 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1067 Pam Michael?
6492 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1067 Michael Yeah.
6493 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1067 Pam This is from all of us.
6494 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1067 Michael Oh! You didn't need to do that. ...Nightswept. This is... really amazing. Thank you. I love it.
6495 2 19 Michael's Birthday 1068 Pam Michael's birthday was actually pretty cool. It was a good day. I don't know... It was a good day.
6496 2 20 Drug Testing 1069 Dwight Kevin Malone, you're next. Spit that out. Spit... Okay, come on, let's go.
6497 2 20 Drug Testing 1070 Jim You look cute today, Dwight.
6498 2 20 Drug Testing 1070 Dwight Thanks, girl.
6499 2 20 Drug Testing 1071 Dwight Let's go over some of the symptoms of marijuana use, shall we? You tell me who this sounds like: slow moving, inattentive, dull, constantly snacking, shows a lack of motivation.
6500 2 20 Drug Testing 1071 Kevin Hey...
6501 2 20 Drug Testing 1072 Dwight I like the people I work with generally, with four exceptions. But someone committed a crime and I did not become a Lackawanna County Volunteer Sheriff's deputy to make friends. And by the way, I haven't.
6502 2 20 Drug Testing 1073 Jim I enjoy the tangy zip of Miracle Whip.
6503 2 20 Drug Testing 1073 Pam Jim does the best impressions. Sometimes he'll look up at me from his desk and he'll just be someone else. Like he'll go um, that's supposed to be Phyllis. I can't do it as good as he can.
6504 2 20 Drug Testing 1074 Kelly And the guys are saying, chug, chug, chug, but I'm so small and all I'd eaten that day was one of those Auntie Anne pretzels from the food court so I said "Is it okay if I sip it?" and they said no, but Ryan seemed cool either way.
6505 2 20 Drug Testing 1074 Dwight Stop! This is not Kelly Kapoor story hour. Illegal drugs were consumed on company property, okay? Your ass is on the line, mister! My ass is is on the line! Now I'm going to ask you again. What time did you go home last night?
6506 2 20 Drug Testing 1074 Kelly Six.
6507 2 20 Drug Testing 1075 Dwight I didn't know that you were at a party on Saturday night.
6508 2 20 Drug Testing 1075 Ryan I go to a lot of parties.
6509 2 20 Drug Testing 1075 Dwight Okay, I'm gonna need to search your car. Give me you keys.
6510 2 20 Drug Testing 1075 Ryan I am not giving you my keys.
6511 2 20 Drug Testing 1075 Dwight Don't make me do this the hard way.
6512 2 20 Drug Testing 1075 Ryan What's the hard way?
6513 2 20 Drug Testing 1075 Dwight I go down to the police station on my lunch break. I tell a police officer, I know several, what I suspect you may have in your car. He requests a hearing from a judge and obtains a search warrant, once he has said warrant, he will drive over here, and make you give him the keys to your car, and you will have to obey him.
6514 2 20 Drug Testing 1075 Ryan Yeah, let's do it that way.
6515 2 20 Drug Testing 1075 Michael Ry, is he bugging you? Dwight, dude, you gotta take a chill pill, man. It was one joint in the parking lot. You know, you're totally harshing the office mellow.
6516 2 20 Drug Testing 1075 Dwight I can't stop this investigation. It is my job.
6517 2 20 Drug Testing 1075 Jim Whoa. You are a volunteer.
6518 2 20 Drug Testing 1075 Dwight I volunteered for this job.
6519 2 20 Drug Testing 1075 Jim And that's not the same.
6520 2 20 Drug Testing 1075 Dwight It is my duty...
6521 2 20 Drug Testing 1075 Jim Volunteer duty.
6522 2 20 Drug Testing 1075 Dwight ...to investigate the crime scene. I have six more interviews to go and then I will reveal what I know.
6523 2 20 Drug Testing 1075 Michael Narc!
6524 2 20 Drug Testing 1075 Dwight If you are attempting to compliment me then you have done a very good job.
6525 2 20 Drug Testing 1075 Michael I wasn't attempting to compliment you.
6526 2 20 Drug Testing 1075 Dwight Well, you have...
6527 2 20 Drug Testing 1075 Michael Uuf, well...
6528 2 20 Drug Testing 1075 Dwight ...because being a narc is one of the hardest jobs that you can have...
6529 2 20 Drug Testing 1075 Michael Okay...
6530 2 20 Drug Testing 1075 Dwight ...and I am very proud of being a narc.
6531 2 20 Drug Testing 1075 Michael Why don't you just cool it, cool it Dwight, please, God! Dude, where's my office? I totally lost it, 'cause I was half-baked. Smokin' doobies. Doobie brothers, I was smokin' doobies with my brothers. Peace out, Seacrest!
6532 2 20 Drug Testing 1075 Jim Well, your office is behind you.
6533 2 20 Drug Testing 1075 Michael Thanks. M-m-munchies. Who wants some munchies?
6534 2 20 Drug Testing 1076 Ryan I don't think Michael's ever done drugs. I don't know if anyone has ever offered him any.
6535 2 20 Drug Testing 1077 Dwight Oscar visited Mexico when he was five to attend his great-grandmother's funeral. What does that mean to a United States law enforcement officer? He's a potential drug mule.
6536 2 20 Drug Testing 1078 Dwight Have you ever taken any illegal drugs?
6537 2 20 Drug Testing 1078 Oscar No, I have not.
6538 2 20 Drug Testing 1078 Dwight Do you think it's possible that maybe you could have had some drugs in your system without you knowing about it?
6539 2 20 Drug Testing 1078 Oscar What are you implying?
6540 2 20 Drug Testing 1078 Dwight Have you ever... pooped... a balloon?
6541 2 20 Drug Testing 1078 Oscar Okay. I'm done with this.
6542 2 20 Drug Testing 1078 Dwight He sure left in a hurry.
6543 2 20 Drug Testing 1079 Dwight I don't want to blow this. This is what all good law enforcement officers dream of. The chance to solve an actual crime.
6544 2 20 Drug Testing 1080 Dwight Do you know what this is?
6545 2 20 Drug Testing 1080 Phyllis Yes, it's marijuana.
6546 2 20 Drug Testing 1080 Dwight How do you know that?
6547 2 20 Drug Testing 1080 Phyllis It's labeled.
6548 2 20 Drug Testing 1080 Dwight Dammit.
6549 2 20 Drug Testing 1081 Creed That is Northern Lights Cannabis Indica.
6550 2 20 Drug Testing 1081 Dwight No, it's marijuana.
6551 2 20 Drug Testing 1082 Jim I'm just saying that you can't be sure that is wasn't you.
6552 2 20 Drug Testing 1082 Dwight That's ridiculous, of course it wasn't me.
6553 2 20 Drug Testing 1082 Jim Marijuana is a memory loss drug, so maybe you just don't remember.
6554 2 20 Drug Testing 1082 Dwight I would remember.
6555 2 20 Drug Testing 1082 Jim Well, how could you, if it just erased your memory?
6556 2 20 Drug Testing 1082 Dwight That's not how it works.
6557 2 20 Drug Testing 1082 Jim Now how do you know how it works?
6558 2 20 Drug Testing 1082 Dwight Knock it off, okay, I'm interviewing you.
6559 2 20 Drug Testing 1082 Jim No! You said that I'd be conducting the interview when I walked in here. Now exactly how much pot did you smoke?
6560 2 20 Drug Testing 1083 Oscar So Pam told me that you do a great Stanley impression, I'd love to hear it.
6561 2 20 Drug Testing 1083 Jim Oh, um... Why do you keep CC'ing me on things that have nothing to do with me?
6562 2 20 Drug Testing 1083 Stanley Is that supposed to be me?
6563 2 20 Drug Testing 1083 Jim Oh, hey Stanley. Uh, I was just doing an impression.
6564 2 20 Drug Testing 1083 Stanley I do not think that is funny.
6565 2 20 Drug Testing 1083 Pam He does everyone in the office.
6566 2 20 Drug Testing 1083 Stanley Hmmmpt.
6567 2 20 Drug Testing 1083 Pam, Jim I do not think that is funny.
6568 2 20 Drug Testing 1083 Pam Jinx! Buy me a coke.
6569 2 20 Drug Testing 1083 Jim Oh...
6570 2 20 Drug Testing 1083 Pam No, no, no, no talking. Jim is not allowed to talk until after he buys me a coke. Those are the rules of jinx, and they are unflinchingly rigid.
6571 2 20 Drug Testing 1083 Pam Sold out? That has never happened in the history of jinx.
6572 2 20 Drug Testing 1083 Jim C'mon!
6573 2 20 Drug Testing 1083 Pam Sorry, that's not my problem.
6574 2 20 Drug Testing 1084 Dwight I know you're innocent, but I can't look like I'm treating you any differently.
6575 2 20 Drug Testing 1084 Angela I understand.
6576 2 20 Drug Testing 1084 Dwight Where were you yesterday after work?
6577 2 20 Drug Testing 1085 Michael Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Who's he calling? Ratting somebody out. Narc! Narc! Kevin?
6578 2 20 Drug Testing 1085 Kevin That is so good, Michael
6579 2 20 Drug Testing 1085 Michael Remember the narc bit? Uh-oh, who's in trouble?
6580 2 20 Drug Testing 1086 Dwight Attention everyone. Drug testers are coming in a couple of hours to test everyone's urine.
6581 2 20 Drug Testing 1086 Michael Waa... what? What are you talking about?
6582 2 20 Drug Testing 1086 Dwight Company policy. If drugs are found on the premises there is automatic drug testing conducted within twenty-four hours.
6583 2 20 Drug Testing 1086 Oscar Is that true, Toby?
6584 2 20 Drug Testing 1086 Toby Oh, when you sign your job application you agree to comply with random drug testing.
6585 2 20 Drug Testing 1087 Michael Two nights ago, I went to an Alicia Keys concert at the Montage Mountain Performing Arts Center. I scored these great aisle seats. Anyway, after the opening act this beautiful girl sits down next to me and I never get to meet girls with lip rings and she had one. I don't know exactly how this happened but one of her friends started passing around some stuff and they said it was clove cigarettes, and I'm sure that it was clove cigarettes. Everybody in the aisle was doing it.
6586 2 20 Drug Testing 1088 Michael Okay, attention everyone the drug testing has been cancelled. Instead, I will be going around to each of you and doing a visual inspection.
6587 2 20 Drug Testing 1088 Dwight No you can't do that.
6588 2 20 Drug Testing 1088 Michael I can do that, it is my office.
6589 2 20 Drug Testing 1088 Michael Hmmm. Ha. Alright. Great.
6590 2 20 Drug Testing 1089 Dwight Kevin, what prescription drugs are you taking, besides Rogaine?
6591 2 20 Drug Testing 1089 Kevin I'm not taking Rogaine.
6592 2 20 Drug Testing 1089 Dwight Angela, what about you?
6593 2 20 Drug Testing 1089 Angela I don't take any prescription drugs.
6594 2 20 Drug Testing 1089 Dwight Good.
6595 2 20 Drug Testing 1090 Kelly So the first time we went out to dinner, it was like, whatever, fine, but I was so nervous. So this time I wanted to be special, so I bought a new dress! One of those kinds that is kinda low cut at top to show something, but not everything. I mean not everything, Jim. I promise, I'm not that kind of...
6596 2 20 Drug Testing 1090 Pam Hey guys, what's going on?
6597 2 20 Drug Testing 1090 Kelly We're having the best conversation.
6598 2 20 Drug Testing 1090 Pam Oh, okay. Well, Michael wants to see everyone in the conference room. But you know what? We have a few minutes so you guys should definitely finish up your conversation.
6599 2 20 Drug Testing 1090 Kelly So, I was looking so hot...
6600 2 20 Drug Testing 1091 Michael It has come to my attention that some people here think that the use of drugs is something to laugh about.
6601 2 20 Drug Testing 1091 Phyllis We don't feel that way.
6602 2 20 Drug Testing 1091 Angela No, not at all.
6603 2 20 Drug Testing 1091 Oscar You were the one joking around calling Dwight a narc.
6604 2 20 Drug Testing 1091 Michael No, uh, no. That was a test. I was testing you, and you all failed. Miserably. When I said that Dwight was a narc, how many of you defended him? How many of you said, "Hey, you know what, he's right? What he's doing is protecting this office from the evils of drugs."
6605 2 20 Drug Testing 1091 Dwight Thank you, Michael.
6606 2 20 Drug Testing 1092 Michael I am ridiculously anti-drug. So anti-drug that I am above suspicion in any way that involves suspicion, or testing of any kind.
6607 2 20 Drug Testing 1093 Michael Drugs ruin lives people. Drugs destroy careers. Take Cheech and Chong everybody knows that Cheech and Chong are funny, but just imagine how funny they would be if they didn't smoke pot. I want everybody to take a look to their left. Now I want everybody to take a look to their right. One of those people will be dead from drug use at some point in their lives. This year more people will use cocaine than will read a book to their children.
6608 2 20 Drug Testing 1093 Stanley Where did you get these facts?
6609 2 20 Drug Testing 1093 Michael Are these facts scaring you, or are they not?
6610 2 20 Drug Testing 1093 Stanley They are not.
6611 2 20 Drug Testing 1093 Michael Do you think that smoking drugs is cool? Do you think that doing alcohol is cool?
6612 2 20 Drug Testing 1093 Stanley No, I don't. I have a glass of red wine with dinner about once a week. For the antioxidants.
6613 2 20 Drug Testing 1093 Michael Okay, enough, enough, enough! I have written down a list of illegal drugs. Take a gander. How many of these are you familiar with?
6614 2 20 Drug Testing 1093 Toby Hookah is not an illegal drug, Michael.
6615 2 20 Drug Testing 1093 Michael Yes it is.
6616 2 20 Drug Testing 1093 Toby No it's not. It's a type of pipe. You can fill it with tobacco, often mixed with fruit, or other flavors.
6617 2 20 Drug Testing 1093 Michael Okay, you know what, Toby? Pam, can you take this down? In addition to Toby's urine being tested, I would like to test his blood and his hair.
6618 2 20 Drug Testing 1093 Toby You can't do that.
6619 2 20 Drug Testing 1093 Michael I can test anyone randomly, and I have chosen you randomly.
6620 2 20 Drug Testing 1093 Toby That's not random.
6621 2 20 Drug Testing 1093 Michael Okay, eeny, meenie, miney, moe, is random. Okay, you know what? I'm going to need a volunteer to select one of these words and tell us of something tragic that happened in either their lives, or the lives of a loved one. Yeah, Pam.
6622 2 20 Drug Testing 1093 Pam I know that Jim has an amazing story about a relative of his who got caught up in the world of drugs.
6623 2 20 Drug Testing 1093 Michael Really?
6624 2 20 Drug Testing 1093 Pam Uh, hmmm.
6625 2 20 Drug Testing 1093 Michael Jim it's okay. You can t... This would be a good place to let it out, Jim. These are people you can trust. These are people who care about you. It's okay, just we will not judge you. We are here to not judge you. Oh, he's doing it, okay. It's okay. Oh. Okay, are you sure? That looked like it was going to be good. Alright. Okay, well.
6626 2 20 Drug Testing 1094 Pam Wow! He really pulled out the big guns. Fake crying. Did not expect that.
6627 2 20 Drug Testing 1095 Michael The point I'm trying to make with all of this people is that I hate drugs. I hate them, and based upon what I have seen you all don't quite hate 'em as much as I do so you are going to have a drug test, and I am not.
6628 2 20 Drug Testing 1095 Dwight No, you will be tested.
6629 2 20 Drug Testing 1095 Michael Yes, I will not be.
6630 2 20 Drug Testing 1095 Dwight You will be. That is the law according to the rules.
6631 2 20 Drug Testing 1095 Michael Okay, well Dwight just know that I've been very busy today and I got a lot of work to do and I wasn't planning on going to the bathroom and I don't even know if anything is going to come out, okay? So good. Thank you.
6632 2 20 Drug Testing 1096 Dwight Hi, Linda. Dwight Schrute, Assistant Regional Manager. You might remember testing my urine a few years back when I was applying to be a volunteer sheriff's deputy.
6633 2 20 Drug Testing 1096 Linda We test a lot of urine.
6634 2 20 Drug Testing 1096 Dwight Mine was green.
6635 2 20 Drug Testing 1096 Linda Oh, right. How are you?
6636 2 20 Drug Testing 1096 Dwight I'm all better.
6637 2 20 Drug Testing 1097 Michael So I need you to do some work on the St. Andrews account. I need your urine. I need some filing done.
6638 2 20 Drug Testing 1097 Dwight What kind of filing?
6639 2 20 Drug Testing 1097 Michael Just forget it. Just the urine.
6640 2 20 Drug Testing 1097 Dwight That goes directly to the tester.
6641 2 20 Drug Testing 1097 Michael Just. I need your urine.
6642 2 20 Drug Testing 1097 Dwight Like in a cup?
6643 2 20 Drug Testing 1097 Michael Yes in a cup, we're not animals, Dwight.
6644 2 20 Drug Testing 1097 Dwight For what purpose?
6645 2 20 Drug Testing 1097 Michael It's none of your business.
6646 2 20 Drug Testing 1097 Dwight Then I refuse.
6647 2 20 Drug Testing 1097 Michael Okay. Alright. Just, I went to an Alicia Keys concert, over the weekend, and I think I may have gotten high accidentally by a girl with a lip ring.
6648 2 20 Drug Testing 1097 Dwight Are you serious?
6649 2 20 Drug Testing 1097 Michael I need clean urine for the lady.
6650 2 20 Drug Testing 1097 Dwight But that's illegal.
6651 2 20 Drug Testing 1097 Michael Don't think of it that way. It's like, urine goes all over the place. You know, there's no controlling it. It just... goes
6652 2 20 Drug Testing 1097 Dwight Not my urine.
6653 2 20 Drug Testing 1097 Michael A cup could find its way under the urine. It might be an accident. It happens.
6654 2 20 Drug Testing 1097 Dwight Were you forced to do drugs at this concert?
6655 2 20 Drug Testing 1097 Michael No, just look. Look. Just... just fill up the cup.
6656 2 20 Drug Testing 1098 Angela Do you want to give Michael your urine?
6657 2 20 Drug Testing 1098 Dwight I want him to have all the urine he needs.
6658 2 20 Drug Testing 1098 Angela You're not going to get my permission on this.
6659 2 20 Drug Testing 1098 Dwight I know that. Don't you think I know that?
6660 2 20 Drug Testing 1099 Linda Yeah, we do testing all over the country.
6661 2 20 Drug Testing 1099 Ryan Cool. Hey, are you guys hiring?
6662 2 20 Drug Testing 1099 Linda You want to work at the urinalysis lab?
6663 2 20 Drug Testing 1099 Ryan Yeah. Maybe.
6664 2 20 Drug Testing 1100 Dwight My father's name was Dwight Schrute. My grandfather's name was Dwight Schrute. His father's name Dwide Schrude. Amish. I loved my father very much. Every morning he'd wake up at dawn and make us biscuits with gravy. When I was little my dad and I played a lot of games together. My dad cheated a lot but I never busted him on it. I would have, except I didn't know about it. He didn't tell me till years later. I was shocked when I found out.
6665 2 20 Drug Testing 1101 Pam What? Did you want to tell me something? You look like you want to tell me something. You look like you have something really important to say and you just can't for some reason. Come on, you can tell me. Jim, you can tell me anything.
6666 2 20 Drug Testing 1102 Kevin I'd like a magazine.
6667 2 20 Drug Testing 1102 Linda We just need urine, sir.
6668 2 20 Drug Testing 1102 Kevin I'd still like one.
6669 2 20 Drug Testing 1103 Michael Dwight. Well, I passed the test thanks to you and your untainted pee. Thank you very much.
6670 2 20 Drug Testing 1103 Dwight That's great.
6671 2 20 Drug Testing 1103 Michael What's wrong? Where's your costume?
6672 2 20 Drug Testing 1103 Dwight It's a uniform and I turned it in today when I tendered my resignation.
6673 2 20 Drug Testing 1103 Michael Why? Wha...
6674 2 20 Drug Testing 1103 Dwight I took an oath when I was sworn in and I broke that oath today.
6675 2 20 Drug Testing 1104 Pam Here. Just buy it from me. I haven't talked to you in hours and it's been weird and I really want to know what the hell's going on with Dwight.
6676 2 20 Drug Testing 1104 Jim Hi.
6677 2 20 Drug Testing 1104 Pam Hey.
6678 2 20 Drug Testing 1104 Jim How much time do you have left on your break?
6679 2 20 Drug Testing 1104 Pam Ten minutes.
6680 2 20 Drug Testing 1105 Michael Since you did such a good job with the investigation, I decided to pull a few strings. Call in a few favors. and I've decided to make you official security supervisor of the branch.
6681 2 20 Drug Testing 1105 Dwight Really?
6682 2 20 Drug Testing 1105 Michael Yes, sir.
6683 2 20 Drug Testing 1105 Dwight That's fantastic because I've always felt that the security here sucked .
6684 2 20 Drug Testing 1105 Michael So you wanna? Thanks.
6685 2 20 Drug Testing 1105 Hank Dwight K. Schrute, I hereby declare you an honorary voluntary corporal in charge of assisting all activities security.
6686 2 20 Drug Testing 1105 Michael Okay.
6687 2 20 Drug Testing 1105 Hank Here's your badge.
6688 2 20 Drug Testing 1105 Dwight Thank you, Michael. Very nice. Great. Can I have a gun?
6689 2 20 Drug Testing 1105 Hank No, I don't have a gun.
6690 2 20 Drug Testing 1105 Dwight Okay, I'll have to bring in my bow staff.
6691 2 20 Drug Testing 1105 Hank I don't think so.
6692 2 20 Drug Testing 1105 Michael Good.
6693 2 20 Drug Testing 1105 Dwight Thank you, Michael.
6694 2 20 Drug Testing 1105 Michael No. Oh. Uh...
6695 2 20 Drug Testing 1105 Dwight I need to go over some details with you.
6696 2 20 Drug Testing 1105 Michael Alright. Well, Thank you.
6697 2 20 Drug Testing 1105 Dwight First of all, Hank, how many orange traffic cones do you have?
6698 2 20 Drug Testing 1105 Hank Two.
6699 2 20 Drug Testing 1105 Dwight Oh, God.
6700 2 20 Drug Testing 1106 Jim Wow. What a terrible day to not be able to talk. Dwight was literally carrying around his own urine and dressed like one of the Village People. Why does he do the things that he does for Michael? I just don't get it. What is he getting out of that relationship?
6701 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1107 Kevin So, uh... you found a band for your wedding yet?
6702 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1107 Pam No.
6703 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1107 Kevin 'Cause I'm in a band. We really rock.
6704 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1108 Jim Yeah, I mean it's inevitable. I definitely overhear some wedding preparation, but I'm fine with it. She hears me arranging my social life. And we both have to hear Dwight order deer urine over the Internet, so it evens out.
6705 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1109 Phyllis Oh I got the 'Save The Date'.
6706 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1109 Pam Yeah?
6707 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1109 Phyllis Yeah, pretty stationery.
6708 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1109 Pam Oh, thanks!
6709 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1109 Angela I didn't get mine yet.
6710 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1109 Pam Uh...
6711 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1110 Pam There are a few people I decided not to invite, and that might make things kind of awkward but ... it's my wedding. And I don't want anyone there who has called me a hussy.
6712 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1111 Michael Yes, thanks, Fantastic Sam's. Adult Cut Plus. Comes with a shampoo and blow dry. We're doing I.D. photos today. Gotta represent.
6713 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1112 Phyllis Uh, on or off?
6714 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1112 I.D. Photographer Off.
6715 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1112 Phyllis Okay...
6716 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1112 Dwight Oh! What is on your face? Is that a disguise?
6717 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1112 Phyllis Excuse me.
6718 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1112 Dwight Clown paint.
6719 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1113 Dwight I.D. badges are long overdue. Security in this office park is a joke. Last year, I came to work with my spud gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day, with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?
6720 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1114 Michael That's a nice tie.
6721 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1114 Ryan Thank you.
6722 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1114 Michael That is... who makes that?
6723 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1114 Ryan Um, I don't...
6724 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1114 Michael Do you mind if I wear that for the photo?
6725 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1114 Ryan Um... let's um, let's keep our clothes.
6726 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1115 Oscar It's like child abuse. I say, if Jesus saw that, he'd freak out! He'd freak out, Toby! I mean on some levels... it's... and I'm supposed to work there. I'm supposed...
6727 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1115 Michael What's the dealio?
6728 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1115 Toby Just letting Oscar vent a little. We would use the break room, but the photographer's back there today.
6729 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1115 Michael What's the problem?
6730 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1115 Oscar Angela!
6731 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1115 Toby It's just a little dispute over a poster in their workspace.
6732 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1115 Oscar Since Christmas.
6733 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1115 Michael So what, you're having a little spat. I forget, are you guys dating?
6734 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1115 Oscar No.
6735 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1115 Toby Michael, can I talk to you for a uh, second please?
6736 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1115 Michael Yes.
6737 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1116 Toby Here's how I usually handle this: all I do is listen.
6738 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1116 Michael Yeah?
6739 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1116 Toby These things just have a way of working themselves out.
6740 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1116 Michael Okay.
6741 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1116 Toby It's like if you write someone a letter, when you're really angry... they say to keep it in a drawer for a couple days. Then you just never end up sending it.
6742 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1116 Michael What do you know about conflict resolution? Your answer to everything is to get divorced. So...
6743 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1116 Toby Okay.
6744 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1116 Michael Okay... what?
6745 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1116 Toby That was the right decision for me and my marriage.
6746 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1116 Michael Yeah, well... that's not gonna fly here. Because in this office, it is till death do us part... assuming we don't get downsized. Uh, Pam, will you get Angela and meet us in the conference room please?
6747 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1117 Michael A mediator's tool chest. Okay, well, before we get started, you should know that are 5 different styles of conflict. My Shaolin temple style defeats your monkey style.
6748 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1117 Angela Can we go? I have a lot of work to do.
6749 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1117 Michael No. Okay, this is important. The first style is lose/lose.
6750 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1117 Oscar What's the next one?
6751 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1117 Michael Just hold on, please! Okay, if we do lose/lose, neither of you gets what you want. Do you understand? You... you would both lose. Now I need to ask you, do you want to pursue a lose/lose negotiation?
6752 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1117 Angela Can we just skip to whatever number 5 is - win/win or whatever?
6753 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1117 Michael Win/Win is number four and number five is win/win/win. The important difference here is with win/win/win, we all win. Me too. I win for having successfully mediated a conflict at work.
6754 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1118 Michael Okay, since this is the disputed poster. Now, one at a time, I want you to express your feelings using "I" emotion language and no judging or "you" statements.
6755 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1118 Angela I got this poster for Christmas, and I feel I want to see it everyday. It makes me feel like the babies are the true artists, and God has a really cute sense of humor.
6756 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1118 Michael Come on, seriously, that?
6757 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1118 Oscar I don't like looking at it. It's creepy, and in bad taste, and it's just offensive to me. It makes me think of the horrible, frigid stage mothers who force the babies into it. It's kitsch. It's the opposite of art. It destroys art. It destroys souls. This is so much more offensive to me than hardcore porno. I'm talking about the...
6758 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1118 Michael Okay, okay. Stop, stop, stop! Let's see if we can just brainstorm and find some creative alternatives that are win/win.
6759 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1118 Pam Win!
6760 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1118 Michael Yes. Thank you, Pam. How about Angela makes the poster into a t-shirt, which Oscar wears. That way, he can never see it and whenever she looks at Oscar, she can see it. Win/win/win.
6761 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1118 Oscar No.
6762 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1118 Angela That's... no...
6763 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1118 Michael Okay... well, brainstorm. Own the solution.
6764 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1118 Angela How about, I leave it up?
6765 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1118 Oscar How 'bout, she takes it down?
6766 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1118 Pam How about, Angela can keep it up on Tuesdays and Thursdays?
6767 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1118 Michael Okay, that is called a compromise. And it is style 3. And it is not ideal. To sum up, win/win - make the poster into a t-shirt, win/lose - take the poster down, compromise - Tuesdays and Thursdays. And the answer is... make the poster into a t-shirt! Win/win.
6768 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1118 Pam Win.
6769 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1118 Oscar Fine.
6770 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1118 Angela But, it...
6771 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1118 Michael It is done!
6772 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1118 Pam Win
6773 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1119 Photographer No, you're all good.
6774 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1119 Creed Great.
6775 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1120 Pam Hey, Angela. I didn't have your zip code.
6776 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1120 Angela Oh. Thanks.
6777 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1121 Angela It was hand delivered. But, I did get a Save The Date after all. It's not my taste.
6778 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1122 Toby You solved it?
6779 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1122 Michael Yes.
6780 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1122 Toby Well, good. We can, uh, throw that one out.
6781 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1122 Michael Are those all the other complains?
6782 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1122 Toby Mmm-Hm.
6783 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1122 Michael I would like to see those please.
6784 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1122 Toby I... I can't do that.
6785 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1122 Michael You can't do that, huh? Huh, ok. Now you and I have a conflict. I order you to give me that file.
6786 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1122 Toby That...
6787 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1122 Michael Okay. There! No more conflict. I had to use win/lose on that. It was not pretty. All right... is that it?
6788 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1122 Toby It's all Dwight's.
6789 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1123 Toby Every Friday at 4, I have a standing appointment with Dwight for him to file a grievance against Jim. I tell him that I'm sending them to a special file in New York. That box is the special file in New York.
6790 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1124 Michael Ohh... God. Alright. Why do I have to do everything?
6791 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1125 Photographer Are you sure?
6792 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1125 Dwight Oh, he's sure. Just shoot.
6793 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1126 Michael This is from Kevin. He says Stanley uses his Miracle Whip without asking. Meredith complains that everyone talks too loud in the morning and the lights are too bright. Creed... huh. Duh, duh. Creed is sick of looking at the redhead all day and wants a seat facing the receptionist.
6794 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1126 Pam Nice.
6795 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1126 Michael You will notice that not one of these complaints is against me.
6796 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1127 Toby Actually, I have a separate folder for complaints against Michael. This is January through March of this year.
6797 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1128 Michael How many of you have at one time gone to Toby to complain about another employee? And... did you get what you wanted, or were you merely listened to, you forget about your problem, and you move on? That is outrageous! I love this place... and it pains me to see all of the negativity festering... Okay, today we are going to get everything out of these files and into the open, where it can be resolved. Alright, how about the Phyllis/Angela dispute?
6798 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1128 Angela You already did me.
6799 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1128 Michael That's what she said. The thing is, Angela... you are in here an awful lot. You have complained about everybody in the office, except Dwight, which is odd because everyone else has had run ins with Dwight. Toby, by the way, what does "redacted" mean? There is a file full of complaints in here marked "redacted"... ?
6800 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1128 Toby Yeah, it just means whoever complained came to me later and withdrew it, so I took their name off.
6801 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1128 Michael Oh, ok. There were a bunch of complaints about Dwight that were put in the redacted file about six months ago.
6802 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1128 Dwight Whoa.. wha... wait. If someone has a problem with me, why would they withdraw it six months ago?
6803 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1128 Pam Um... let's move on. I volunteer. Did anyone have a problem with me?
6804 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1128 Michael All right, Pamela. Come on down! Let's do it! And ... okay. Just one complaint. Actually, it has been withdrawn. So that is no help to us. Next.
6805 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1128 Pam Wait, what did it say?
6806 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1128 Michael Uh... "Does she have to plan her wedding on office time? Couldn't she do that at home?" Who else? Why don't we just warm up first? Warm up emotionally, all right?
6807 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1129 Pam I have this kind of big secret about Angela. And I've been really nice to her... and I haven't told anyone. And what the hell?!
6808 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1130 Michael Here is a Kelly complaint: "Ryan never returns my calls." Ugh, join the club.
6809 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1130 Ryan My voicemail's really spotty... sometimes...
6810 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1130 Kelly I didn't file a complaint. I was just talking.
6811 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1130 Toby To your HR representative.
6812 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1130 Kelly To my friend, I thought. I want that withdrawn.
6813 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1130 Toby Fine, I'll take your name off. So no one will know.
6814 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1130 Michael Makin' progress. Yes?
6815 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1130 Jim Dwight tried to kiss me.
6816 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1130 Michael What?!
6817 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1130 Jim And I didn't tell anyone because I'm not really sure how I feel about it.
6818 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1130 Dwight That is not true. Redact it. Redact it!
6819 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1130 Jim Well, I'm not actually making a formal complaint. I just really think we should talk about it.
6820 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1130 Dwight Okay, question. When a name is withdrawn, does that also apply to the permanent misbehavior file in New York?
6821 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1130 Toby Sure.
6822 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1131 Michael Stanley.
6823 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1131 Pam Hey. Thanks for ratting me out!
6824 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1131 Michael You got a lot of anger under there buddy. Come on start us out. Unleash it.
6825 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1131 Anglea I didn't do it!
6826 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1131 Pam I find that hard to believe... considering you have problems with every single person in this entire office except Bobblehead Joe.
6827 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1132 Michael Someone complained that the men's room is "whites only". Stanley, you know that's not true.
6828 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1132 Stanley I didn't say that.
6829 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1132 Creed Then why is there a picture of a white man on the door?
6830 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1132 Michael Okay, Phyllis. You complained that Angela's giving you dirty looks. And you tried to get off the party planning committee.
6831 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1132 Phyllis No, I never said any such thing. Angela and I are close.
6832 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1132 Michael And... also, Phyllis, Stanley says that you cry too much, and that bugs him.
6833 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1132 Phyllis Stanley and I are close, too.
6834 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1132 Stanley We sit close.
6835 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1132 Michael Oh... ok.
6836 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1133 Toby Just take it.
6837 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1134 Pam I can't believe Angela. I went against my better judgment, and I gave her a Save The Date. And now it turns out she complained about me to Toby.
6838 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1134 Jim Well, it was redacted. Look, if she wants an invite, maybe she's just trying to be friends.
6839 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1134 Pam Don't take her side.
6840 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1134 Jim Well, what does Roy think about everything?
6841 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1134 Pam I don't know. I try not to bother him about this kind of stuff.
6842 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1134 Jim You mean your thoughts and feelings?
6843 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1134 Pam Yeah.
6844 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1134 Jim Yeah...
6845 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1135 Phyllis I know you keep saying it's your space, even though there's no assigned parking, but I keep forgetting.
6846 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1135 Angela Yes, that's the problem.
6847 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1135 Phyllis I guess so...
6848 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1135 Michael Okay, well... all settled, then.
6849 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1135 Phyllis I don't like you.
6850 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1136 Michael OK, Ryan. You told Toby that Creed has a distinct old man smell?
6851 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1137 Creed I know exactly what he's talking about. I sprout mung beans on a damp paper towel in my desk drawer. Very nutritious. But they smell like death.
6852 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1138 Michael All right, Kevin. You are accused of making sexually suggestive remarks to Angela that made her feel uncomfortable. Solution: Angela, you are to make sexually suggestive remarks to Kevin that will make him uncomfortable.
6853 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1138 Kevin I accept your decision!
6854 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1139 Jim Hey... you know what, Dwight? Maybe we should get our photo I.D. taken together.
6855 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1139 Dwight That doesn't make any sense.
6856 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1139 Jim Well, it saves time, you know. 'Cause we could just meet in the parking lot every morning. Walk in together. Perfect.
6857 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1139 Photographer Smile.
6858 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1139 Dwight No.
6859 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1140 Dwight I never smile if I can help it. Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.
6860 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1141 Jim This came out really well. There you go.
6861 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1141 Dwight This is humongous. I am not a security threat...
6862 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1141 Jim Oh.
6863 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1141 Dwight And my middle name is 'Kurt', not 'Fart'.
6864 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1141 Jim What did I write?
6865 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1142 Dwight I have another complaint for Jim's permanent file.
6866 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1142 Toby Talk to Michael. I gave him the box.
6867 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1142 Dwight What box?!
6868 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1143 Phyllis But I didn't report your snoring-
6869 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1143 Stanley Wednesdays, tearful. Tuesdays...
6870 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1143 Michael Uh. Dwight.
6871 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1143 Dwight Ah... agh... dgh... Ahh! No, no! Four years of malfeasance unreported. This cannot stand.
6872 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1143 Michael Okay! Calm down.
6873 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1143 Dwight No! You calm down! Who's side is Toby on? Who's side are you on?
6874 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1143 Michael Hey, hey!
6875 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1143 Dwight Him or me?
6876 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1143 Michael Stop.
6877 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1143 Dwight Him or me? I cannot work with Jim anymore.
6878 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1143 Michael Okay...
6879 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1143 Dwight Either he goes, or I go.
6880 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1143 Michael Dwight...
6881 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1143 Dwight You choose!
6882 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1143 Michael Stop...
6883 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1143 Dwight One of us is out of here by the end of today!
6884 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1143 Michael Oh... kay...
6885 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1144 Dwight I am not bluffing!
6886 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1144 Michael Okay.
6887 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1144 Dwight Okay?
6888 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1144 Michael Yes.
6889 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1144 Dwight Do the right thing here, Michael. Okay, I have served you loyally for years.
6890 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1144 Michael Mm-hmm.
6891 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1144 Dwight I deserve this. You know I do!
6892 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1144 Michael You know your I.D. says you're a security threat?
6893 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1144 Dwight You have till five.
6894 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1145 Dwight Oh, look, Jim. There's a sales manager position open in Stamford. Want me to call Jan and tell her you're interested? I could put in a good word for you, 'cause I'll still be working here. Transfer! Transfer! Everybody! Transfer! Transfer! Transfer! Transfer!
6895 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1145 Michael Okay... you two, in the conference room with me. Nobody leaves until we work this out. Cage match!
6896 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1146 Michael Cage matches? Yeah, they work. How could they not work? If they didn't work, everybody would still be in the cage.
6897 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1147 Michael Okay, so Dwight, in your own words - "Someone replaced all my pens and pencils with crayons. I suspect Jim Halpert." "Everyone has called me 'Dwayne' all day. I think Jim Halpert paid them to."
6898 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1148 Jim Yes! Five bucks each. And it was totally worth it.
6899 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1149 Michael "This morning, I found a bloody glove in my desk drawer and Jim Halpert tried to convince me I committed murder. I think he may be the real murderer." "Jim Halpert said there was an abandoned infant in the woman's room. When I went to save the child, I saw Meredith on the can." Gah. "This morning, I knocked myself in the head with the phone."
6900 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1150 Jim That actually took a while. I had to put, uh, more and more nickels into his handset, till he got used to the weight, and then I just... took 'em all out.
6901 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1151 Michael "Every time I typed my name, it said 'Diapers'."
6902 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1152 Jim Just a simple macro. You know, these actually don't sound that funny one after another. But he does deserve it, though.
6903 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1153 Michael "By the end of the day, my desk was about two feet closer to the copier."
6904 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1154 Jim Yeah, I just moved it an inch every time he went to the bathroom. And that's how I spent my entire day that day.
6905 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1155 Michael The Japanese have this thing called shiatsu massage, where they dig into your body, very hard. And it is very painful. And apparently, some people throw up. But the next day they feel great. I've never had one. They sound awful.
6906 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1156 Jim Maybe Stanford would be cool.
6907 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1156 Dwight It's a good market. Higher volume.
6908 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1156 Jim Yeah. Maybe we should both go.
6909 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1156 Dwight I have a girlfriend...
6910 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1156 Jim Sure you do, Dwight. Sure.
6911 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1157 Michael Hey, there's like, 300 more of these. Let's get to them later.
6912 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1157 Dwight So, you going to transfer Jim or not?
6913 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1157 Michael Maybe, I haven't decided yet. Let's get to work.
6914 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1157 Dwight I want an answer by tomorrow.
6915 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1158 Michael Okay. Oh... actually, tomorrow's not good. How about later in the week?
6916 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1158 Dwight Fine.
6917 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1158 Michael Good. Okay.
6918 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1159 Michael Hey! Wait. How about a group picture while you're here?
6919 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1159 Photographer I can't. I only get reimbursed for the I.D. photos.
6920 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1159 Michael Well... that's... what, a computer camera, right?
6921 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1159 Photographer You mean digital?
6922 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1159 Michael It'll take like two seconds.
6923 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1159 Photographer 20 bucks.
6924 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1159 Michael Ugh... All right. Everybody, come on. Group photo for the newsletter.
6925 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1159 Stanley You gotta be kiddin' me.
6926 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1159 Michael Come on, everybody.
6927 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1159 Dwight Come on, let's go. Creed, Kevin, Oscar... andale! Let's go.
6928 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1160 Photographer One, two, three... smile. Try to smile.
6929 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1160 Michael We resolved a lot today, everybody. Think happy thoughts.
6930 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1160 Photographer Alright, I'm just gonna take it on three... whether you smile or not. One, two, three.
6931 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1160 Michael Good, let's check that out. Ew, okay, all right. One more. We'll take one more.
6932 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1160 Photographer That'll be another 20.
6933 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1160 Michael What?
6934 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1160 Pam Angela, I want to talk to you about something.
6935 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1160 Michael You just press the button.
6936 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1160 Angela What?
6937 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1160 Jim No, Pam.
6938 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1160 Pam I am. It's about the Save The Date.
6939 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1160 Jim Pam, it wasn't her.
6940 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1160 Pam What?!
6941 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1160 Jim I'm the one who complained about you.
6942 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1160 Jim I... I didn't know that Toby was gonna write it down. I was just venting.
6943 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1160 Michael Okay, good. Check that out.
6944 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1160 Jim You know, it was one day.
6945 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1160 Michael That's terrible.
6946 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1160 Jim And I took it right back. It was like...
6947 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1160 Pam Okay.
6948 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1160 Phyllis Oh, dear.
6949 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1160 Michael Let's pay Mr. Price Gouger. Okay... we can do this. Come on, everybody. All right. Here we go.
6950 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1161 Michael It was really hard getting a good picture of fifteen people. He would not give me a good discount. And eight tries added up.
6951 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1162 Michael One, two.. Didn't say three, did I?
6952 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1163 Michael But, I'm sort of an expert at Photoshop, so it turned out fine in the end. When people work together, there is going to be conflict. You can't outrun your problems.
6953 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1164 Jim Hey, Pam... it's Jim. Um, I have a doctor's appointment in the city. So I probably won't be in till the late afternoon. Just thought I'd let you know. Okay, bye.
6954 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1164 Female worker Okay, Jan will see you now.
6955 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1164 Jim Oh, thanks.
6956 2 21 Conflict Resolution 1165 Michael And that is why the idea of a cage match is so universally appealing. But here's the thing about cage matches: sometimes you have to open the cage. And that is something Toby will never understand.
6957 2 22 Casino Night 1166 Michael Tonight the Scranton Business Park is having Casino Night and we are converting our warehouse into a full-blown gambling hall. And I know it's illegal in Pennsylvania, but it's for charity. And I consider myself a great philanderer. It's just... It's nice to know at the end of the day, I can look in the mirror and say, "Michael, because of you, some little kid in the Congo has a belly full of rice this evening." Makes you feel good.
6958 2 22 Casino Night 1167 Jim Excuse me. How long is the wait for a table for two?
6959 2 22 Casino Night 1167 Dwight I would never, ever serve you. Not in a million, billion years.
6960 2 22 Casino Night 1167 Pam It's a nice tux.
6961 2 22 Casino Night 1167 Dwight I know. It belonged to my grandfather. He was buried in it, so family heirloom.
6962 2 22 Casino Night 1168 Roy So, what's the deal? We gotta pay for our own drinks? That's lame.
6963 2 22 Casino Night 1168 Pam Come on, it'll be fun, and besides, I'm a roulette expert.
6964 2 22 Casino Night 1168 Dwight Impossible. Roulette is not a game of skill, it is a game of chance.
6965 2 22 Casino Night 1168 Jim I can always kind of win at roulette.
6966 2 22 Casino Night 1168 Dwight Oh, really? Mmm-hmm.
6967 2 22 Casino Night 1168 Jim Yeah.
6968 2 22 Casino Night 1168 Dwight How would you do that?
6969 2 22 Casino Night 1168 Jim Mind control.
6970 2 22 Casino Night 1168 Dwight You can't be serious. Are you serious?
6971 2 22 Casino Night 1168 Jim Ever since I was a little kid, like, eight or nine, I could sort of control things with my mind.
6972 2 22 Casino Night 1168 Dwight I don't believe you. Continue.
6973 2 22 Casino Night 1168 Jim It was just little thing, you know, like I could make something shake or I could make a marble fall off the counter. You know, just little things.
6974 2 22 Casino Night 1168 Dwight That's ridiculous. You know what? Uh... Why don't you move that coat rack? Excuse me, everyone! Attention in the office, please. Jim is about to prove his telekinetic powers and he needs absolute silence. Go ahead.
6975 2 22 Casino Night 1168 Jim Okay, I'll try.
6976 2 22 Casino Night 1168 Dwight Oh, my God.
6977 2 22 Casino Night 1169 Michael I try not to think of it as lagging behind. It's more of a David-and-Goliath thing.
6978 2 22 Casino Night 1169 Jan Yeah, but... Well, the fact of the matter is that your branch is currently number four of the five branches that I oversee.
6979 2 22 Casino Night 1169 Michael Top 80 percent!
6980 2 22 Casino Night 1169 Jan Michael?
6981 2 22 Casino Night 1169 Michael Yeah?
6982 2 22 Casino Night 1169 Jan You know that I'm very serious here.
6983 2 22 Casino Night 1169 Michael Jan, listen, I promise that I will kick it up a notch. Bam!
6984 2 22 Casino Night 1169 Jan What?
6985 2 22 Casino Night 1169 Michael Emeril. Oh, actually, while I have you, not that I have you or have ever had you, but we're having our Casino Night tonight and I think everyone would love to see their fearless leader here.
6986 2 22 Casino Night 1169 Jan I thought that you were their fearless leader.
6987 2 22 Casino Night 1169 Michael I am, but you are the Eva Peron to my Cesar Chavez.
6988 2 22 Casino Night 1169 Jan I think you can handle it.
6989 2 22 Casino Night 1169 Michael Oh, come on. Come on.
6990 2 22 Casino Night 1169 Jan I think so, Michael...
6991 2 22 Casino Night 1169 Michael You know, it'd be fun. I can hear it in your voice. You need a break.
6992 2 22 Casino Night 1169 Jan Goodbye, Michael.
6993 2 22 Casino Night 1170 Michael Jan and I understand each other. The romance thing is sort of on hold for the time being, but we've remained good friends. Good friends with privileges. Not now, some day.
6994 2 22 Casino Night 1171 Michael Okay, everybody. Tonight's event is to benefit the Boy Scouts of America.
6995 2 22 Casino Night 1171 Oscar Again? We do that every year.
6996 2 22 Casino Night 1171 Michael Well, they need our money. They don't have cookies like the Girl Scouts.
6997 2 22 Casino Night 1171 Oscar It'd be nice to do something for people who are actually suffering.
6998 2 22 Casino Night 1171 Michael Well, Oscar, if you don't like it, then you should concentrate on winning. Because the person at the end of the evening with the highest chip count will receive $500 to donate to the charity of their choice. And they will get a mini-fridge compliments of Vance Refrigeration.
6999 2 22 Casino Night 1171 Dwight Yes!
7000 2 22 Casino Night 1171 Michael So get your charities in to Pam. I, for example, am playing for Comic Relief.
7001 2 22 Casino Night 1171 Jim That doesn't exist anymore.
7002 2 22 Casino Night 1171 Michael Comedy is very much alive, as are homeless people.
7003 2 22 Casino Night 1171 Pam No, they stopped making that show.
7004 2 22 Casino Night 1171 Michael Well, then, they need our money more than ever.
7005 2 22 Casino Night 1171 Angela You have to pick an approved, non-profit organization.
7006 2 22 Casino Night 1172 Creed There's a great soup kitchen in downtown Scranton. Delicious pea soup on Thursdays. I'll probably give the money to them.
7007 2 22 Casino Night 1173 Kevin Something with animals. Or people.
7008 2 22 Casino Night 1174 Angela We are giving money that has been gambled. Why don't we just deal drugs or prostitute ourselves, and donate that money to charity?
7009 2 22 Casino Night 1175 Michael Oh, and another fun thing. We, at the end of the night, are going to give the check to an actual group of Boy Scouts. Right, Toby? We're gonna...
7010 2 22 Casino Night 1175 Toby Actually, I didn't think it was appropriate to invite children since it's... You know, there's gambling and alcohol, and it's in our dangerous warehouse and it's a school night... And, you know, Hooters is catering. You know, is that enough? Should I keep going?
7011 2 22 Casino Night 1175 Michael Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not... that way. I hate so much about the things that you choose to be. Okay, you know what? I will not donate my winnings to Comic Relief, since apparently it doesn't exist. I am going to donate to Afghanistanis with AIDS.
7012 2 22 Casino Night 1175 Jim I think you mean the aid to Afghanistan.
7013 2 22 Casino Night 1175 Michael No, I mean Afghanistanis with AIDS.
7014 2 22 Casino Night 1175 Phyllis Afghani.
7015 2 22 Casino Night 1175 Michael What?
7016 2 22 Casino Night 1175 Phyllis Afghani.
7017 2 22 Casino Night 1175 Michael That's a dog.
7018 2 22 Casino Night 1175 Pam No, that's Afghan.
7019 2 22 Casino Night 1175 Michael That's a shawl.
7020 2 22 Casino Night 1175 Dwight Wait, canine AIDS?
7021 2 22 Casino Night 1175 Michael No. Humans with AIDS.
7022 2 22 Casino Night 1175 Creed Who has AIDS?
7023 2 22 Casino Night 1175 Jim Guys, the Afghanistananies.
7024 2 22 Casino Night 1175 Michael Okay, you know what? No. No. AIDS is not funny. Believe me, I have tried.
7025 2 22 Casino Night 1176 Michael There are certain topics that are off-limits to comedians, JFK, AIDS, the Holocaust. The Lincoln Assassination just recently became funny. "I need to see this play like I need a hole in the head." And I hope to someday live in a world where a person could tell a hilarious AIDS joke. It's one of my dreams.
7026 2 22 Casino Night 1177 Jim What are you doing?
7027 2 22 Casino Night 1177 Pam Oh, nothing.
7028 2 22 Casino Night 1177 Jim "Till Death Do Us Rock."
7029 2 22 Casino Night 1177 Pam They're wedding bands.
7030 2 22 Casino Night 1177 Jim Oh.
7031 2 22 Casino Night 1177 Pam Roy was supposed to pick the band, but he's concentrating more on the bachelor party now.
7032 2 22 Casino Night 1177 Jim Wait, wait, where you going? I mean, even if you don't hire a band, you still have to watch the bands. Pam, these are people who have never given up on their dreams. I have great respect for that. And, yes, they're all probably very bad and that will make me feel better about not having dreams.
7033 2 22 Casino Night 1177 Pam There's a KISS cover band in here.
7034 2 22 Casino Night 1177 Jim Let's do it.
7035 2 22 Casino Night 1178 Pam I'm pretty happy these days. I'm getting married soon and I'm getting along with everybody at work.
7036 2 22 Casino Night 1179 Jim Why did I talk to Jan about transferring? Well, you know... I have no future here.
7037 2 22 Casino Night 1180 Michael I have already put down the deposit. Do you understand how a deposit works?
7038 2 22 Casino Night 1180 Darryl Mike, I am not having fire-eaters in a paper warehouse.
7039 2 22 Casino Night 1180 Michael It's Casino Night like Las Vegas. There are fire-eaters all over the place.
7040 2 22 Casino Night 1180 Darryl Except my warehouse.
7041 2 22 Casino Night 1180 Michael Well, actually, it's my warehouse.
7042 2 22 Casino Night 1180 Dwight Actually, it's owned by Beakman Properties, and Dunder Mifflin is four years into a seven-year lease.
7043 2 22 Casino Night 1180 Michael Why are you here?
7044 2 22 Casino Night 1180 Dwight When Darryl was coming, you said you wanted me here for protection.
7045 2 22 Casino Night 1180 Michael Not. I said, not that.
7046 2 22 Casino Night 1180 Darryl We just have a lot of stuff down there that could be stolen.
7047 2 22 Casino Night 1180 Michael That's ironic.
7048 2 22 Casino Night 1180 Darryl What?
7049 2 22 Casino Night 1180 Michael That you are afraid.
7050 2 22 Casino Night 1180 Darryl Why? 'Cause I'm from the hood?
7051 2 22 Casino Night 1180 Michael Dinkin' flicka.
7052 2 22 Casino Night 1180 Darryl Dinkin' flicka.
7053 2 22 Casino Night 1181 Darryl I taught Mike some, uh, phrases to help with his interracial conversations. You know, stuff like, "Fleece it out." "Going mach five." "Dinkin' flicka." You know, things us Negroes say.
7054 2 22 Casino Night 1182 Michael Give me some.
7055 2 22 Casino Night 1183 Darryl Oh, yeah, I taught him a handshake, too.
7056 2 22 Casino Night 1184 Jim Wow. I don't know how you're gonna decide. They are all extremely good.
7057 2 22 Casino Night 1184 Pam I think I should hire them all. Do like Lollapalooza.
7058 2 22 Casino Night 1184 Jim Yes.
7059 2 22 Casino Night 1184 Pam Have three stages, yeah.
7060 2 22 Casino Night 1184 Jim Your mom would love that. She would. Oh, this band is called Scrantonicity.
7061 2 22 Casino Night 1184 Pam Oh.
7062 2 22 Casino Night 1184 Jim Let's take a look. Nice.
7063 2 22 Casino Night 1184 Pam Oh, wait. That's Kevin. On the drums.
7064 2 22 Casino Night 1184 Jim What?
7065 2 22 Casino Night 1184 Pam On the drums! On the drums!
7066 2 22 Casino Night 1184 Jim Oh, my God, that's Kevin! Great song, Kev. Oh, my God, he's the drummer and the singer.
7067 2 22 Casino Night 1185 Kevin We really don't do a lot of weddings. We actually don't play in public very often. We are all really hoping that Pam's wedding works out. This could be a turning point for the band.
7068 2 22 Casino Night 1186 Jim Wow. Oh!
7069 2 22 Casino Night 1186 Pam Oh, my...
7070 2 22 Casino Night 1186 Jim Yeah, you haven't seen that since 1983. That is amazing. Okay, we have to sign him. I'm gonna call the label, we're gonna...
7071 2 22 Casino Night 1186 Pam No! No!
7072 2 22 Casino Night 1186 Jim No, Pam, you're gonna lose him to another wedding.
7073 2 22 Casino Night 1186 Pam No, come back! No, no, no!
7074 2 22 Casino Night 1186 Jim Kev!
7075 2 22 Casino Night 1187 Pam Jim is great. Being with him just takes away all the stress of planning my wedding.
7076 2 22 Casino Night 1188 Michael Yes
7077 2 22 Casino Night 1188 Pam Michael, Carol Stills for you.
7078 2 22 Casino Night 1188 Michael Who?
7079 2 22 Casino Night 1188 Pam Carol Stills.
7080 2 22 Casino Night 1188 Michael Do I know a Carol Stills?
7081 2 22 Casino Night 1188 Pam Your realtor.
7082 2 22 Casino Night 1188 Pam It's still me.
7083 2 22 Casino Night 1189 Pam Sometimes I don't put Michael through until he's already said something. I look at it as a practice run for him. He usually does better on the second attempt.
7084 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Pam Carol, you're on with Michael.
7085 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Carol Hello, Michael?
7086 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Michael Hi, Carol. How you doing?
7087 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Carol I'm great. I just needed one last signature for your mortgage insurance.
7088 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Michael Oh, hey, no problemo. Incidentally, I love the place.
7089 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Carol Oh, great.
7090 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Michael Great. It has a little bit of a weird smell. It's okay. At Christmas, the tree helped.
7091 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Carol Oh, good, I'm glad. Can I drop it over later?
7092 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Michael Actually, I'm sort of hosting this charity thing in our warehouse, Casino Night.
7093 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Carol Oh, great.
7094 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Michael Yeah, it'll be good. You know what? Why don't you come by? Bring the papers, I'll sign them and then you can stay and have a drink.
7095 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Carol To the casino thing?
7096 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Michael Yeah. It'll be fun. What do you... What do you...
7097 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Carol What?
7098 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Michael Oh, I'm sorry. Could you hold on? Yes?
7099 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Pam Michael, Jan's on line two.
7100 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Michael Okay, put her through. Jan Levinson, I presume?
7101 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Pam It's still me. Uh, Jan, here's Michael.
7102 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Jan Michael?
7103 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Michael Hey, Jan. How you doing?
7104 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Jan You know, I... I thought about it and you are right.
7105 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Michael I am?
7106 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Jan I could use a little fun. So, I am going to drive up for your Casino Night.
7107 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Michael Oh, okay.
7108 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Jan Incidentally, what is the charity?
7109 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Michael AIDS.
7110 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Jan Okay, then. I will see you tonight.
7111 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Michael Okay, sounds great.
7112 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Jan Bye-bye.
7113 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Michael Bye Hello, Carol? Hi, sorry about that. I just...
7114 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Carol No problemo.
7115 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Michael Right.
7116 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Carol To answer your question...
7117 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Michael Yeah?
7118 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Carol Yes.
7119 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Michael What?
7120 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Carol I'd love to go.
7121 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Michael Okay.
7122 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Carol I have to get a sitter, but that shouldn't be a problem.
7123 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Michael Problem. Good.
7124 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Carol And I'll bring the papers, too.
7125 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Michael Good, All right. Sounds great.
7126 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Carol I'll see you tonight.
7127 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Michael Bye.
7128 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Carol Bye.
7129 2 22 Casino Night 1190 Michael Two queens on Casino Night. I am going to drop a deuce on everybody.
7130 2 22 Casino Night 1191 Pam Oh, my God!
7131 2 22 Casino Night 1191 Roy Yeah! That's great.
7132 2 22 Casino Night 1191 Michael Hey, hey.
7133 2 22 Casino Night 1191 Carol Hi.
7134 2 22 Casino Night 1191 Michael Hey, Carol.
7135 2 22 Casino Night 1191 Carol Hi.
7136 2 22 Casino Night 1191 Michael You look great.
7137 2 22 Casino Night 1191 Carol Thanks. Thank you for inviting me. It looks so great in here.
7138 2 22 Casino Night 1191 Michael Oh, well... Kiss. That's how we do it in the paper biz. It's European and... Yes? Ah, Dwight
7139 2 22 Casino Night 1191 Dwight Code name Re/Max is here. No sign of Lan Jevinson.
7140 2 22 Casino Night 1192 Dwight I'm Michael's wingman. I've got his back. Two dates. He's got two dates tonight. My job is to keep Jan away from Carol and vice versa. Michael said, "We must deceive them, so as not to hurt them, and in that way, we honor them."
7141 2 22 Casino Night 1193 Michael Can I get you a drink? The food is from Hooters.
7142 2 22 Casino Night 1193 Carol Drink would be good.
7143 2 22 Casino Night 1193 Michael Okay.
7144 2 22 Casino Night 1194 Creed Oh, I steal things all the time. It's just something I do. I stopped caring a long time ago. You should see how many supplies I've taken from this place. Honestly, I love stealing things.
7145 2 22 Casino Night 1195 Billy's Girlfriend I'm gonna get a drink. Do you need anything?
7146 2 22 Casino Night 1195 Billy No, I'm fine. Thank's sweetheart.
7147 2 22 Casino Night 1195 Billy's Girlfriend Okay.
7148 2 22 Casino Night 1195 Michael Billy, your nurse is hot.
7149 2 22 Casino Night 1195 Billy That's my girlfriend.
7150 2 22 Casino Night 1195 Michael Your nurse became your girlfriend? Sweet.
7151 2 22 Casino Night 1195 Billy She was never my nurse. I met her at Chili's. She was my waitress.
7152 2 22 Casino Night 1195 Michael Chili's is great.
7153 2 22 Casino Night 1196 Michael Welkommen, Bienvenue, and welcome to Monte Carlo! Dwight. I am no longer your boss. Lady Fortune is your boss.
7154 2 22 Casino Night 1196 Stanley Will Lady Fortune give me a raise?
7155 2 22 Casino Night 1196 Michael Shut it, shut it, shut it. Will Lady Fortune be your mistress? Only time will tell, my friends. Leave all your preconceived notions about casinos at the door. Old friends, new lovers, and the disabled! Welcome all! Great, okay. Shuffle up and deal. Let's get it started! Black-Eyed Crows.
7156 2 22 Casino Night 1196 Dealer Okay, the game is No-Limit Texas Hold'em. Good luck, everybody. That's at least four red chips to you, sir.
7157 2 22 Casino Night 1196 Michael All-in.
7158 2 22 Casino Night 1197 Michael Bluffing is a key part of poker, which is too bad, because I'm not very good at bluffing. Did you believe me?
7159 2 22 Casino Night 1198 Toby I'll call.
7160 2 22 Casino Night 1198 Michael What are... That's insane.
7161 2 22 Casino Night 1198 Toby I have good cards.
7162 2 22 Casino Night 1198 Michael Well, Toby, I went all-in on the first hand, so doesn't that tell you that I might have good cards, too? So don't be stupid. Just take it back.
7163 2 22 Casino Night 1198 Dealer No, I'm sorry. He can't, sir. He's gone all-in.
7164 2 22 Casino Night 1198 Michael Okay, all right, whatever.
7165 2 22 Casino Night 1198 Dealer Flip them.
7166 2 22 Casino Night 1198 Michael You really screwed that up.
7167 2 22 Casino Night 1198 Meredith Wow.
7168 2 22 Casino Night 1199 Toby I don't really play cards, but I'm not gonna lie to you. It felt really good to take money from Michael. Gonna chase that feeling.
7169 2 22 Casino Night 1200 Dwight I expect to do very well tonight. I have an acute ability to read people. Jim, for instance, has a huge tell. When he gets a good hand, he coughs.
7170 2 22 Casino Night 1201 Jim I will raise. Thanks.
7171 2 22 Casino Night 1202 Jim It's the weirdest thing. Every time I cough, he folds.
7172 2 22 Casino Night 1203 Carol Wow, bad luck.
7173 2 22 Casino Night 1203 Michael Yeah, whatever. Hey, you know what? If luck weren't involved, I would always be winning. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
7174 2 22 Casino Night 1203 Jan Michael?
7175 2 22 Casino Night 1203 Michael Jan.
7176 2 22 Casino Night 1203 Jan Hi.
7177 2 22 Casino Night 1203 Michael Look, okay, I think we're all adults here, and it has always been my understanding that we have an open relationship.
7178 2 22 Casino Night 1203 Jan What are you... Just... Wait, what're you talking about?
7179 2 22 Casino Night 1203 Carol What does that mean?
7180 2 22 Casino Night 1203 Michael After you said you weren't coming, I invited Carol to come and I don't think that I did anything wrong.
7181 2 22 Casino Night 1203 Jan No. No, you didn't. Hi, I'm Jan. I'm Michael's boss.
7182 2 22 Casino Night 1203 Carol Hi, hi.
7183 2 22 Casino Night 1203 Jan Does anyone want a drink?
7184 2 22 Casino Night 1203 Carol No, I'm good.
7185 2 22 Casino Night 1203 Jan Okay.
7186 2 22 Casino Night 1203 Michael Um...
7187 2 22 Casino Night 1203 Dwight Hey, hey.
7188 2 22 Casino Night 1203 Michael Hey. What...
7189 2 22 Casino Night 1203 Dwight Jan's here.
7190 2 22 Casino Night 1204 Dwight Give me the dice.
7191 2 22 Casino Night 1204 Kevin Come on, Dwight.
7192 2 22 Casino Night 1204 Dwight Let's go.
7193 2 22 Casino Night 1204 Billy It's all on you, baby. Let's go.
7194 2 22 Casino Night 1204 Angela Good evening, Dwight. What is this?
7195 2 22 Casino Night 1204 Dwight Evening, Angela. This is craps. I need to roll an eight. If I do, everyone wins.
7196 2 22 Casino Night 1204 Kevin Yes.
7197 2 22 Casino Night 1204 Angela Then roll an eight.
7198 2 22 Casino Night 1204 Dwight Thank you, Angela.
7199 2 22 Casino Night 1204 Angela Good luck, Dwight.
7200 2 22 Casino Night 1204 Dwight Yeah! Yeah!
7201 2 22 Casino Night 1204 Kevin Dwight, let's keep it going. Let's keep it going. Let's go.
7202 2 22 Casino Night 1204 Oscar Let it ride. Let it all ride.
7203 2 22 Casino Night 1204 Dwight Give me the dice!
7204 2 22 Casino Night 1205 Jim Yeah, right.
7205 2 22 Casino Night 1205 Pam "Yeah, right," what?
7206 2 22 Casino Night 1205 Jim What was this?
7207 2 22 Casino Night 1205 Pam I have good cards.
7208 2 22 Casino Night 1205 Jim Really?
7209 2 22 Casino Night 1205 Pam Mhmm, And I'm gonna take you all-in.
7210 2 22 Casino Night 1205 Jim Wow. I think you're bluffing.
7211 2 22 Casino Night 1205 Kevin Yeah, I think she's full of it.
7212 2 22 Casino Night 1205 Pam Straight.
7213 2 22 Casino Night 1205 Jim Oh. Three nines.
7214 2 22 Casino Night 1205 Kevin Pam. Jim Halpert, ladies and gentlemen.
7215 2 22 Casino Night 1205 Jim Thank you very much. It was fun.
7216 2 22 Casino Night 1206 Jan Cosmopolitan, please.
7217 2 22 Casino Night 1206 Carol Can I get a red wine? So, two hours? That's a long drive.
7218 2 22 Casino Night 1206 Jan Well, it's part of the job, you know? Keep an eye on things. So... Why not? So, how long have you and Michael been...
7219 2 22 Casino Night 1206 Carol Oh, well, actually, I guess this would be our first date. I guess.
7220 2 22 Casino Night 1206 Jan Casino Night in the warehouse. Good sport.
7221 2 22 Casino Night 1206 Carol Well, I'm having a nice time.
7222 2 22 Casino Night 1206 Jan Oh, me too. Me too.
7223 2 22 Casino Night 1207 Ryan One beer and one Seven and Seven with eight maraschino cherries, sugar on the rim, blended if you can.
7224 2 22 Casino Night 1207 Jim So, that's still going on, huh? You and Kelly?
7225 2 22 Casino Night 1208 Michael All right!
7226 2 22 Casino Night 1208 Dealer The point is four. Shooter, roll it. Four!
7227 2 22 Casino Night 1208 Dwight Come on, shooter!
7228 2 22 Casino Night 1208 Michael Four! Blow. Blow for luck! Yeah! Also, you. Not playing favorites. All right, here we go!
7229 2 22 Casino Night 1208 Carol All right.
7230 2 22 Casino Night 1208 Michael Yeah!
7231 2 22 Casino Night 1208 Dealer Five.
7232 2 22 Casino Night 1208 Michael So close. So close.
7233 2 22 Casino Night 1208 Dwight Come on. So where you staying? Radisson?
7234 2 22 Casino Night 1208 Jan What?
7235 2 22 Casino Night 1208 Dwight Super 8?
7236 2 22 Casino Night 1208 Jan No, I...
7237 2 22 Casino Night 1208 Dwight Motel 6? Best Western?
7238 2 22 Casino Night 1208 Jan I didn't... I don't know...
7239 2 22 Casino Night 1208 Dwight Holiday Inn? The Hyatt in Wilkes-Barre? You staying with Michael?
7240 2 22 Casino Night 1209 Kevin I won the 2002 $2,500 No-Limit Deuce-to-Seven-Draw Tournament at the World Series of Poker in Vegas. So, yeah... I'm pretty good at poker.
7241 2 22 Casino Night 1210 Kevin All-in.
7242 2 22 Casino Night 1210 Phyllis Okay, let's do it.
7243 2 22 Casino Night 1210 Bob Vance Good Luck, honey.
7244 2 22 Casino Night 1210 Phyllis Oh, thank you, Bobby. But it doesn't matter, it's just fun to play.
7245 2 22 Casino Night 1210 Kevin Three queens.
7246 2 22 Casino Night 1210 Dwight Nice, very nice.
7247 2 22 Casino Night 1210 Phyllis I have an ace.
7248 2 22 Casino Night 1210 Oscar No, that's a flush.
7249 2 22 Casino Night 1210 Dwight Oh, man!
7250 2 22 Casino Night 1210 Phyllis Oh, I have a flush!
7251 2 22 Casino Night 1210 Bob Vance Yes!
7252 2 22 Casino Night 1210 Phyllis Look, I won! Look I have all the clovers! You wanna play again?
7253 2 22 Casino Night 1211 Kevin I suck.
7254 2 22 Casino Night 1212 Roy She took you down, huh?
7255 2 22 Casino Night 1212 Kevin I do not want to talk about it.
7256 2 22 Casino Night 1212 Roy Hey, I saw your tape. Your band, Scrantonicity? You guys rock.
7257 2 22 Casino Night 1212 Kevin Yeah?
7258 2 22 Casino Night 1212 Roy Yeah, you guys wanna play our wedding?
7259 2 22 Casino Night 1212 Kevin Awesome. Did Pam say it was okay?
7260 2 22 Casino Night 1212 Roy Whatever. I'm in charge of the music.
7261 2 22 Casino Night 1212 Kevin Dude, you will not be sorry.
7262 2 22 Casino Night 1212 Roy Sweet. All right.
7263 2 22 Casino Night 1212 Kevin All right.
7264 2 22 Casino Night 1213 Jan Smoke?
7265 2 22 Casino Night 1213 Jim No, thanks. You having fun?
7266 2 22 Casino Night 1213 Jan Fabulous time. I drove two and a half hours to get here.
7267 2 22 Casino Night 1213 Jim Yeah, we all really...
7268 2 22 Casino Night 1213 Jan Left work early, drove down here. And I am completely underdressed
7269 2 22 Casino Night 1213 Jim Well, I think you look great.
7270 2 22 Casino Night 1213 Jan Why did I hook up with Michael?
7271 2 22 Casino Night 1213 Jim Yeah, why did you?
7272 2 22 Casino Night 1213 Jan It was very late, Jim. Very... Very late and... Have you given any more thought to the transfer?
7273 2 22 Casino Night 1213 Jim Oh, yeah.
7274 2 22 Casino Night 1213 Jan Good. Have you told anyone?
7275 2 22 Casino Night 1213 Jim No.
7276 2 22 Casino Night 1213 Jan Well, you should.
7277 2 22 Casino Night 1214 Bob Vance Excuse me. Big moment. The evening's chip leader and winner of this beautiful mini-refrigerator courtesy of Vance Refrigeration, Creed Bratton, Dunder Mifflin!
7278 2 22 Casino Night 1214 Creed Thanks. I never owned a refrigerator.
7279 2 22 Casino Night 1215 Roy Sorry, babe. I am just beat.
7280 2 22 Casino Night 1215 Pam It's okay. I'll see you at home.
7281 2 22 Casino Night 1215 Roy Okay. Hey, don't try to lose too much money, all right?
7282 2 22 Casino Night 1215 Pam Okay.
7283 2 22 Casino Night 1215 Roy If you still want a honeymoon. Hey, Halpert. Keep an eye on her, all right?
7284 2 22 Casino Night 1215 Jim Okay, will do.
7285 2 22 Casino Night 1215 Roy See you.
7286 2 22 Casino Night 1215 Pam Bye! Hey.
7287 2 22 Casino Night 1215 Jim Hey, how's it going?
7288 2 22 Casino Night 1215 Pam Good, especially after I took all your money in poker.
7289 2 22 Casino Night 1215 Jim Yeah. Hey, can I talk to you about something?
7290 2 22 Casino Night 1215 Pam About when you want to give me more of your money?
7291 2 22 Casino Night 1215 Jim No, I...
7292 2 22 Casino Night 1215 Pam Did you wanna do that now? We can go inside. I'm feeling kind of good tonight.
7293 2 22 Casino Night 1215 Jim I was just... I'm in love with you.
7294 2 22 Casino Night 1215 Pam What?
7295 2 22 Casino Night 1215 Jim I'm really sorry if that's weird for you to hear, but I needed you to hear it. Probably not good timing, I know that. I just...
7296 2 22 Casino Night 1215 Pam What are you doing? What do you expect me to say to that?
7297 2 22 Casino Night 1215 Jim I just needed you to know. Once.
7298 2 22 Casino Night 1215 Pam Well, I um... I... I can't.
7299 2 22 Casino Night 1215 Jim Yeah.
7300 2 22 Casino Night 1215 Pam You have no idea...
7301 2 22 Casino Night 1215 Jim Don't do that.
7302 2 22 Casino Night 1215 Pam ...what your friendship means to me.
7303 2 22 Casino Night 1215 Pam I can't. I'm really sorry if you misinterpreted things. It's probably my fault.
7304 2 22 Casino Night 1215 Jim Not your fault. I'm sorry I misinterpreted our friendship.
7305 2 22 Casino Night 1216 Jan Hey. I'm leaving.
7306 2 22 Casino Night 1216 Michael Hey, okay.
7307 2 22 Casino Night 1216 Jan So, I just wanted to congratulate you on a fantastic evening. You did the company proud.
7308 2 22 Casino Night 1216 Michael Thank you.
7309 2 22 Casino Night 1216 Jan And thanks for inviting me. You were right, I needed it. So, thanks.
7310 2 22 Casino Night 1216 Michael Okay. Thanks for coming.
7311 2 22 Casino Night 1216 Jan Nice to meet you.
7312 2 22 Casino Night 1216 Carol You, too.
7313 2 22 Casino Night 1216 Jan And you guys have a good time together.
7314 2 22 Casino Night 1216 Michael Okay. Talk to you Monday.
7315 2 22 Casino Night 1216 Jan Yeah.
7316 2 22 Casino Night 1216 Carol Goodbye.
7317 2 22 Casino Night 1216 Michael Good night. She's a good boss.
7318 2 22 Casino Night 1216 Carol She seems really nice.
7319 2 22 Casino Night 1216 Michael Oh, she's great.
7320 2 22 Casino Night 1217 Michael Love triangle. Drama. All worked out in the end, though. The hero got the girl. Who saw that coming? I did. And Jan was really happy for me. So actually the hero got two girls. He got the girl that he works with and he got the girl that he buys real estate from. So, I've got my New York girl and my local flavor. Life is good.
7321 2 22 Casino Night 1218 Pam About 10 minutes ago. No, I didn't know what to say. Yes, I know. Um, I don't know, mom, he's my best friend. Yeah, he's great. Yeah, I think I am. I have to go. I will. Listen, Jim...
7322 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1219 Jim You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that.
7323 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1219 Pam Me too. ...I think we're just drunk.
7324 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1219 Jim No I'm not drunk. Are you drunk?
7325 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1219 Pam No... Jim---
7326 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1219 Jim Are you really gonna marry him? ...Ok.
7327 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1220 Michael No! That is the fun of this place. I call everybody "faggie". Why would anybody find that offensive?
7328 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1220 Toby OK I think Oscar would just like if you used "lame" or something like that.
7329 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1220 Michael That's what faggie means!
7330 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1220 Toby No not really...
7331 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1221 Toby Apparently you called Oscar "faggie" for liking the movie Shakespeare in Love more than an action movie.
7332 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1221 Michael It wasn't just an action movie, it was Die Hard!
7333 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1221 Toby All right Michael, but Oscar's really gay.
7334 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1221 Michael Exactly!
7335 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1221 Toby I mean for real.
7336 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1221 Michael Yeah, I know.
7337 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1221 Toby No, I mean he's attracted to other men.
7338 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1221 Michael OK, a little too far, crossed the line.
7339 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1221 Toby OK, I am telling you, Oscar is an actual homosexual. Yeah, he told me this morning. And, obviously he hopes he can count on your discretion.
7340 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1222 Michael I would have never called him that if I knew. You don't... You don't call retarded people "retards". It's bad taste. You call your friends "retards" when they're acting retarded. And I consider Oscar a friend.
7341 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1223 Michael Listen man, I am so sorry. I had no idea.
7342 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1223 Oscar No, it's fine.
7343 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1223 Michael No. No it's not. I feel terrible about it. I have been calling people "faggie" since I was in junior high, and I have never made this mistake. If I don't know how to behave, it is because I am just so far the opposite way, you know? I'm just... I, I can't even imagine... the... thing. Maybe we could go out for a beer sometime. And you could tell me... how... you do that to another dude.
7344 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1223 Oscar That sounds like a great, wonderful idea, let's do that.
7345 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1224 Angela It explains so much.
7346 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1225 Oscar No, I'm not gay. And I don't understand why anyone would think, that I'm gay... if... Uh... yeah I'm gay.
7347 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1226 Jim I can't say whether Dunder Mifflin paper is less flammable, sir, but I can assure that it is certainly not more flammable.
7348 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1227 Jim Why did I transfer to Stamford? I think that's pretty obvious. I got promoted! And you can't beat that view... right?
7349 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1228 Andy Hey, Big Tuna! You're single right?
7350 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1228 Jim Uh-huh, yeah. I am.
7351 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1228 Andy She's pretty hot huh? She's completely crazy. Steer clear Big Tuna. Head for open waters.
7352 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1228 Jim OooOK.
7353 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1228 Andy OooOK.
7354 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1229 Jim I ate a tuna sandwich, on my first day. So, Andy started calling me Big Tuna. ...I don't think any of them actually know my real name.
7355 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1230 Andy Big Tuna is a super ambitious guy, you know? Cut your throat to get ahead kind of guy, but I mean I'm not threatened by him. I went to Cornell, you ever heard of it? I graduated in four years. I never studied once. I was drunk the whole time, and I sang in the acappella group, "Here Comes Treble."
7356 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1231 Josh So, end of day we are going to have a little diversity policy refresher, because of some more problems at the Scranton branch. And I have a list of business startups I got from the chamber. Yes, I am going to need someone to cold call them.
7357 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1231 Jim Oh, I can do that.
7358 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1232 Karen Jim's nice enough. I dont... I don't know how well he's fitting in here. He's always looking at the camera like this. What is that?
7359 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1233 Michael Can you tell who's gay and who's not?
7360 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1233 Dwight Of course.
7361 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1233 Michael What about Oscar?
7362 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1233 Dwight Absolutely not.
7363 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1233 Dwight Well, he's not dressed in women's clothes, so...
7364 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1233 Michael There could be others... I need to know. I don't want to offend anybody else.
7365 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1233 Dwight You could assume everyone is, and not say anything offensive.
7366 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1233 Michael Yeah, I'm sure everyone would appreciate me treating them like they were gay.
7367 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1234 Michael Hey, what about Angela? She's hard and severe. She could be a gay woman.
7368 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1234 Dwight I really don't think so.
7369 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1234 Michael I don't know, I can imagine her with another woman, can't you?
7370 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1235 Michael Do some research. Find out if there's a way to tell by just looking at them.
7371 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1235 Dwight Jim told me you could buy gay-dar online.
7372 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1235 Michael That's ridiculous.
7373 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1235 Dwight Yeah probably. He didn't tell the truth a lot.
7374 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1235 Michael Let's call him and get the website.
7375 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1235 Dwight Definitely.
7376 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1236 Michael Well, they're sold out.
7377 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1236 Dwight Damn. I'll try Brookstone.
7378 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1237 Jim I miss that.
7379 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1238 Roy Chicken or fish?
7380 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1238 Pam Chicken.
7381 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1238 Roy So you havin' a good day?
7382 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1238 Pam Excellent, thanks.
7383 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1238 Roy Good, glad. OK.
7384 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1239 Pam Yeah, I didn't go through with the wedding. I got cold feet, a few days before. And I can't really explain it. I just had to get out of that relationship. We still had to pay for all the food. So we froze it. But I'm, I'm doing well. I have my own apartment. I'm taking art classes. And I have lunch for the next five weeks.
7385 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1240 Roy After Pam dumped me, I um, I kinda stopped taking care of myself there, and uh, I hit bottom when uh, drunk driving arrest. I've been working out and um, you know, I'm not gonna take her for granted. I gotta win her back.
7386 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1241 Stanley I got them a toaster. They called off the wedding and gave the toaster back to me. I tried to return the toaster to the store, and they said they no longer sold that kind of toaster. So now my house has got two toasters.
7387 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1242 Kelly That is so cool that you're gay. I totally underestimated you.
7388 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1243 Oscar Yes I'm super cool. I am an accountant at a failing paper supply company, Scranton. Much like, um, sir Ian McClellan.
7389 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1244 Angela Sure, sometimes I watch Will and Grace... and I want to throw up. It's terribly loud. I do like it sometimes when Harry Connick Jr. is on. He's so talented.
7390 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1245 Andy OK. Who put my calculator in Jello? Good one. But uh, seriously, guys who did this? Seriously guys, who did this? I need to know who put my calculator in Jello, or I'm gonna lose MY FRICKIN' MIND!
7391 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1246 Jan You know, it's amazing to me that in this day and age, you could be so obtuse about sexual orientation.
7392 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1246 Michael I watch the L Word. I watch, Queer as F***, so...
7393 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1246 Jan That's not what it's called.
7394 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1246 Toby OK, Michael, are you aware that you ousted Oscar today?
7395 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1246 Michael What? What does that even...
7396 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1246 Jan Coming out, is a significant moment for a gay person, and they should be allowed to select the timing and manner of announcing it.
7397 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1246 Michael Well, gay pride, right? Gay pride parade? It's not like gay... shame festival.
7398 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1246 Toby All right, now Oscar's feeling discriminated against by his co-workers, primarily Angela, and um, that's your fault.
7399 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1246 Michael I think Angela might be gay. Could Oscar and Angela be having a gay affair? Maybe! Is that what this is about?
7400 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1246 Jan NO!
7401 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1246 Michael I don't kn--
7402 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1246 Jan No, it's not possible.
7403 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1246 Michael Anything's possible.
7404 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1246 Jan You know, imagine... you were gay.
7405 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1246 Michael Well, I'm not gay Jan, and you should know that better than anybody!
7406 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1246 Jan Michael, your immaturity is extremely disappointing and may even lead to a lawsuit which is the absolute last thing this company needs right now. Do you understand?
7407 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1247 Michael The company has made it my responsibility today to put an end to 100,000 years of being weirded out by gays.
7408 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1248 Oscar Am I the first gay man you ever knew?
7409 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1248 Michael Trick question! Cause you can't always tell, so... how would I know. Is that the right answer?
7410 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1249 Pam Michael, Dwight's looking at gay pornography on his computer.
7411 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1249 Dwight Uh, Michael knows Pam. He asked me to do this just for him. He has his own reasons.
7412 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1250 Michael Nothing wrong with this stuff. At all. This is fine. You know what. Gay p0rn, straight p0rn, it's all goooooood! I don't particularly get into this. But uh, you know what. I totally see the merit! And actually... it is quite beautiful.
7413 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1251 Dwight Ah damn pop-ups.
7414 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1251 Oscar What are you doing?!
7415 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1251 Angela Watching some of your friends.
7416 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1252 Michael All right, everybody in the conference room! I don't care if you are gay, or straight, or a lesbian, or overweight! JUST GET IN HERE! RIGHT NOW!
7417 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1253 Michael Did you know that gay used to mean happy? When I was growing up it meant lame. And now it means a man, who makes love... to other men.
7418 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1254 Michael We're all homos! Homosapiens. Gays aren't necessarily who you think they are, people. I mean anybody could be gay. Business-men. Like antique dealers, or hairdressers, or... accountants. Oscar, why don't you take this opportunity to officially come out, to everybody here. However you want to do it. Go ahead. Stand up. I'm doing this for you.
7419 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1254 Oscar Yes I'm gay. And I didn't plan on sharing that part of my life with you today, so, whatever. Can I sit down now?
7420 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1255 Creed /b]: I'm not offended by homosexuality. In the sixties I made love to many many women, often outdoors, in the mud and the rain. And it was possible a man slipped in, and there would be no way of knowing.
7421 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1256 Michael Who should be the judges and juries of our society?
7422 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1256 Angela Judges and juries!
7423 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1256 Michael Yes, that's a good point. She has a good point. Because gay marriage currently is not legal, under U.S. law. I bet a lot of straight men wish that applied to them. So they could go out there and have some torrid unabashed monkey s*x as much as they could. You know? Sounds pretty good, right?
7424 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1256 Kevin /b]: That sounds great.
7425 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1257 Dwight I think all the other office gays should identify themselves, or I will do it for them.
7426 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1257 Oscar No one else in this office is gay.
7427 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1257 Dwight What about Phyllis? She makes absolutely no attempt to be feminine!
7428 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1257 Phyllis I'm getting married to Bob Vance.
7429 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1257 Michael That's great. Congratulations Phyllis. That is great, and frankly kiiiiiiiind of amazing! See? Everybody has a chance!
7430 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1258 Michael But still, Phyllis, in college? Did you ever experiment with other women? A lot of women do!
7431 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1258 Phyllis No, you knew me in high school. Course, we all thought you were gay in high school.
7432 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1258 Michael Right! And I take that as a compliment.
7433 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1258 Phyllis Well with your ties and your matching socks and ---
7434 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1258 Michael Well, I just like to look good OK, so ---
7435 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1258 Oscar You sound pretty defensive Michael.
7436 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1258 Michael No, I am just coming out myself. I am coming out hetero!
7437 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1259 Michael Look, if I was gay, I would be the most flamboyant gay you have ever seen. I would be leading the parade covered in feathers, and just... I would be waving that rainbow flag.
7438 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1259 Oscar I don't think I can work here any longer. This has been the worst, most backwards day of my life.
7439 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1259 Michael You misunderstand-- OK. You know what, OK. I uh, I'm gonna put my money where my mouth is. You ready? I am going to embrace Oscar. You might want to watch this Angela, because you can't catch anything. Here we go. We are going to make a statement. You and I are going to make a statement together. Oscar is my friend ---
7440 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1259 Oscar I would rather not.
7441 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1259 Michael ...and I just don't care who sees it, doesn't bother me!
7442 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1260 Oscar No, NO! I don't want to touch you, ever consider that? You're ignorant, and insulting, and small!
7443 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1260 Michael All right, um... sorry.
7444 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1260 Oscar Michael... I'm sorry. That was a good idea. Come on, come on.
7445 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1260 Michael I'm sorry I called you faggie. You're not faggie. You're a a good guy.
7446 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1261 Dwight Michael appears to be gay too. And yet he is my friend. I guess I do have a gay friend.
7447 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1262 Michael You know what, I'm going to raise the stakes. I want you to watch this. And I want you to burn this into your brains. Because this is an image that I want you people to remember for a long time to come. Whenever you come into the office I want you to think about this. I did it. See. I'm still here. We're all still here.
7448 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1262 Michael Oh come on! Dwight! Come on, man!
7449 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1263 Michael We are not in the playground anymore. There are new rules. We have to be mature. But we can't lose the spirit of child like wonder. What is love... anyway? Maybe it's supposed to break all the rules. Like me and Jan. Or Oscar... and some guy. Life is short. When two people find each other, what should stand in their way?
7450 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1264 Michael I am glad that today spurred social change. That's part of my job as regional manager. But you know what? Even if it didn't, at least we put this matter to bed. ...that's what she said. Or he said.
7451 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1265 Michael Oh, there's Gill. Oscar's roommate. I wonder if he knows?
7452 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1266 Oscar I was going to quit. But Jan offered me a three month paid vacation and a company car. All I had to do was sign something saying I won't sue. Gill and I are going to Europe. Kids, sometimes it pays to be gay.
7453 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1267 Dwight "Hope this helps. -Jim" Nice!
7454 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1268 Oscar What are you doing?!
7455 3 1 Gay Witch Hunt 1268 Dwight Shhh. Don't be scared. It works. ...oh no.
7456 3 2 The Convention 1269 Michael Pam?
7457 3 2 The Convention 1269 Pam Yeah?
7458 3 2 The Convention 1269 Michael Did you see Oprah yesterday?
7459 3 2 The Convention 1269 Pam No, I didn't.
7460 3 2 The Convention 1269 Michael I, uh... I am going to be a father.
7461 3 2 The Convention 1269 Pam What was Oprah about?
7462 3 2 The Convention 1269 Michael Angelina Jolie was on. And she adopted a baby from Asia, and she said that it changed her life. And that really inspired me. So, I want you to look into seeing how much a little Chinese baby would cost.
7463 3 2 The Convention 1269 Pam That's a really big decision.
7464 3 2 The Convention 1269 Michael I know.
7465 3 2 The Convention 1269 Pam Maybe you should wait before you adopt.
7466 3 2 The Convention 1269 Michael Well...
7467 3 2 The Convention 1269 Pam Or not adopt.
7468 3 2 The Convention 1269 Michael Just do it, okay?
7469 3 2 The Convention 1269 Pam Roy's sister looked into it, and the application alone costs a thousand dollars.
7470 3 2 The Convention 1269 Michael Um... find out if there's a cheaper, less expensive baby out there, okay?
7471 3 2 The Convention 1269 Pam You know, she also said the waiting list is like eight months.
7472 3 2 The Convention 1269 Michael Eight months?
7473 3 2 The Convention 1269 Pam Yeah.
7474 3 2 The Convention 1269 Michael I don't even know if I'll want a baby in eight months.
7475 3 2 The Convention 1269 Pam You probably won't.
7476 3 2 The Convention 1269 Michael You know what, Pam? If in ten years, I haven't had a baby, and you haven't had a baby...
7477 3 2 The Convention 1269 Pam No, Michael.
7478 3 2 The Convention 1269 Michael Twenty years.
7479 3 2 The Convention 1269 Pam No, Michael.
7480 3 2 The Convention 1269 Michael Thirty.
7481 3 2 The Convention 1269 Pam Sure.
7482 3 2 The Convention 1269 Michael It's a deal.
7483 3 2 The Convention 1270 Ryan All right. Three pairs of pants. Three pairs of socks. Three packs of condoms.
7484 3 2 The Convention 1270 Michael Yesh.
7485 3 2 The Convention 1270 Ryan Uh, fun jeans.
7486 3 2 The Convention 1270 Michael Right there. Ah.
7487 3 2 The Convention 1270 Angela Sign.
7488 3 2 The Convention 1270 Michael Per diem.
7489 3 2 The Convention 1271 Michael Guess where I am going. I will give you a hint. It is a booze-fueled s*x romp, where anything goes. You are correct, sir! I am headed to Philadelphia for the Annual Northeastern Mid-Market Office Supply Convention. And Jim Halpert is going to be coming, which will be fun. Poor little guy. He's been stuck working under Josh, the poor man's Michael Scott, as he is known around my condo.
7490 3 2 The Convention 1272 Dwight Don't be mad, it is a business trip.
7491 3 2 The Convention 1272 Angela But I don't understand. It's for managers.
7492 3 2 The Convention 1272 Dwight Monkey, I am an A. R. M., Assistant Regional Manager.
7493 3 2 The Convention 1272 Angela I know! It... I was just really hoping we could spend some time together. Are you still there?
7494 3 2 The Convention 1272 Dwight Yes, Monkey.
7495 3 2 The Convention 1272 Angela Don't "Monkey" me! You can't wait to get out of here, A. R. M.
7496 3 2 The Convention 1273 Angela In the Martin family, we like to say, "Looks like someone took the slow train from Philly." That's code for "check out the slut." What is... why are there flies in here?
7497 3 2 The Convention 1274 Kelly Oh my God! Are you so excited for tonight? I am so excited. You guys are going to click, I can feel it. So what are you wearing?
7498 3 2 The Convention 1274 Pam This.
7499 3 2 The Convention 1274 Kelly You look so pretty.
7500 3 2 The Convention 1274 Pam Thank you.
7501 3 2 The Convention 1275 Pam Yes, I have a date. He's a cartoonist for the local paper, which is really neat, because I like to draw too. I'm kind of nervous. I haven't been on a first date in nine years... probably shouldn't broadcast that.
7502 3 2 The Convention 1276 Kelly Well, remember, no matter how much you may want to, do not sleep with him on the first date. It gives him all the power.
7503 3 2 The Convention 1276 Michael Sleep with who? Whom, whom... whom?
7504 3 2 The Convention 1276 Kelly My neighbor Alan. They're going on a date tonight.
7505 3 2 The Convention 1276 Michael Oh, wow! Oh my God, I have a great idea. You know what you should do to be hilarious? Wear your wedding dress. It would be a great icebreaker.
7506 3 2 The Convention 1276 Dwight And your veil.
7507 3 2 The Convention 1276 Michael Yeah, do it!
7508 3 2 The Convention 1276 Pam I'll probably just wear this.
7509 3 2 The Convention 1276 Michael Really? Okay. Well, word of advice: unbutton that top button. Let those things breathe. Any message you want me to relate to Jim?
7510 3 2 The Convention 1276 Pam Um...
7511 3 2 The Convention 1276 Michael Um. Okay, um.
7512 3 2 The Convention 1276 Dwight Um.
7513 3 2 The Convention 1276 Michael You got that?
7514 3 2 The Convention 1276 Dwight I got it.
7515 3 2 The Convention 1276 Michael Write it down.
7516 3 2 The Convention 1276 Dwight I got it.
7517 3 2 The Convention 1276 Dwight Um.
7518 3 2 The Convention 1276 Michael Um.
7519 3 2 The Convention 1276 Dwight, Michael Um, um, um...
7520 3 2 The Convention 1277 Creed There's my girl. I noticed you handing out some shekels. How would one get on that train?
7521 3 2 The Convention 1277 Angela That was for per diem, for Philadelphia.
7522 3 2 The Convention 1277 Meredith That town smells like cheese steaks.
7523 3 2 The Convention 1277 Angela That town is full of history!
7524 3 2 The Convention 1277 Creed Andrea's the office bitch. You'll get used to her. Creed.
7525 3 2 The Convention 1278 Dwight Can I have my neck pillow back? Michael! Can I have my neck pillow back?
7526 3 2 The Convention 1279 Josh Hey, Michael.
7527 3 2 The Convention 1279 Michael Hey, Josh, how ya doing?
7528 3 2 The Convention 1279 Josh Pretty good.
7529 3 2 The Convention 1279 Michael Good to see you. There he is! There's the traitor! Traitor! Traitor! Come here, you. Come here! Yeah! The product... the progidal... my son returns.
7530 3 2 The Convention 1280 Michael I was shocked when he told me he was transferring to Stamford. It's like the firemen. You don't leave your brothers behind, even if you find out that there is a better fire in Connecticut.
7531 3 2 The Convention 1281 Jim It's really good to see you, man.
7532 3 2 The Convention 1281 Michael Yeah! Wow, I didn't expect that. It's good to see you too!
7533 3 2 The Convention 1281 Dwight Oh, hey, how's it going up there? Have you made any sales yet?
7534 3 2 The Convention 1281 Jim Yeah, sold about forty thousand.
7535 3 2 The Convention 1281 Michael Hey!
7536 3 2 The Convention 1281 Dwight Shut up. That's impossible.
7537 3 2 The Convention 1281 Jim No, it's not. I did. Yep.
7538 3 2 The Convention 1281 Dwight Well, I did it too.
7539 3 2 The Convention 1282 Jim You know, when I saw Dwight, I realized how stupid and petty all those pranks I pulled on him were. And then he spoke. I wonder how hard it would be to get a copy of his room key.
7540 3 2 The Convention 1283 Kevin So did you hear?
7541 3 2 The Convention 1283 Toby What?
7542 3 2 The Convention 1283 Kevin Pam's back on the market again.
7543 3 2 The Convention 1283 Toby Really? She's dating?
7544 3 2 The Convention 1283 Kevin If I weren't engaged, I would so hit that.
7545 3 2 The Convention 1284 Dwight So what kind of commissions you get up there?
7546 3 2 The Convention 1284 Jim Oh, Dwight. I've missed you so much.
7547 3 2 The Convention 1284 Dwight You're so immature!
7548 3 2 The Convention 1285 Josh Listen, Michael, I heard you were a great salesman.
7549 3 2 The Convention 1285 Michael Ah.
7550 3 2 The Convention 1285 Josh And I just want to let you know that if our branch absorbs your branch, I'm going to look for a place for you at Stamford.
7551 3 2 The Convention 1285 Jan Oh, hey!
7552 3 2 The Convention 1285 Dwight Hey, Jan.
7553 3 2 The Convention 1285 Jan We all checked in?
7554 3 2 The Convention 1285 Josh Yes.
7555 3 2 The Convention 1285 Jan Great, let's dump our stuff and meet back here in half an hour.
7556 3 2 The Convention 1285 Josh Okay.
7557 3 2 The Convention 1285 Jan Okay!
7558 3 2 The Convention 1285 Michael Jan? Look, I think we need to set some ground rules.
7559 3 2 The Convention 1285 Jan What are you talking about?
7560 3 2 The Convention 1285 Michael The eight-hundred pound gorilla in the room. Carol. I'm still dating her, so nothing can happen between us at the convention.
7561 3 2 The Convention 1285 Jan Step away from me, Michael.
7562 3 2 The Convention 1285 Michael Thank you for being so brave with all of this. Thank you.
7563 3 2 The Convention 1286 Kelly Alan's cartoon is so funny, right?
7564 3 2 The Convention 1286 Pam Mm-hmm.
7565 3 2 The Convention 1286 Kelly And they're, like, so smart. I don't even know what they mean half the time.
7566 3 2 The Convention 1287 Dwight This party is going to be awesome.
7567 3 2 The Convention 1287 Michael I know! That is specifically why I chose a room close to the elevator. More foot traffic.
7568 3 2 The Convention 1287 Dwight Check it out.
7569 3 2 The Convention 1287 Michael That is crooked on that side.
7570 3 2 The Convention 1287 Dwight Wow.
7571 3 2 The Convention 1287 Michael Hey hey!
7572 3 2 The Convention 1287 Jim That is a lot of liquor.
7573 3 2 The Convention 1287 Michael Yeah.
7574 3 2 The Convention 1287 Jim And a dart board.
7575 3 2 The Convention 1287 Michael Well, that's how we do it in Scranton. Or did you forget? There ain't no party like a Scranton party, 'cause a Scranton party don't stop.
7576 3 2 The Convention 1287 Josh We should probably head on down and hook up with Jan.
7577 3 2 The Convention 1287 Michael Hey, well, we have time! One for the road, gentlemen?
7578 3 2 The Convention 1287 Josh A shot of MIDORI, perhaps.
7579 3 2 The Convention 1287 Jim Oh, no, sorry, it's an inside joke. There's this bartender at Stamford who, uh... you know what? You'd just have to be there.
7580 3 2 The Convention 1287 Michael Wish I was. I love inside jokes. I'd love to be a part of one someday.
7581 3 2 The Convention 1287 Josh Um, we should...
7582 3 2 The Convention 1287 Jim Yeah.
7583 3 2 The Convention 1287 Michael All right, see you guys down there. Change your mind, come back up.
7584 3 2 The Convention 1287 Dwight I'll do a shot, Michael.
7585 3 2 The Convention 1287 Michael Ugh, that would be gross. It's not even lunch yet.
7586 3 2 The Convention 1288 Michael SWAG! Stuff we all get. I basically decorated my condo for free with all of my SWAG.
7587 3 2 The Convention 1289 Michael Check it out. Hi, I'm Michael Scott, Dunder-Mifflin.
7588 3 2 The Convention 1289 Dwight Dwight Schrute, Assistant Regional Manager, Dunder-Mifflin.
7589 3 2 The Convention 1289 Jerome Bettis All right.
7590 3 2 The Convention 1289 Dwight I'm a huge fan.
7591 3 2 The Convention 1289 Jerome Bettis Thanks. I appreciate it, guys.
7592 3 2 The Convention 1289 Michael You know what? I'm having a huge blowout tonight, Room 308. Hope you can come.
7593 3 2 The Convention 1289 Jerome Bettis All right, maybe. If I can.
7594 3 2 The Convention 1289 Michael Well, cool! Okay, so... can I tell people you're gonna be there?
7595 3 2 The Convention 1289 Jerome Bettis No, you cannot.
7596 3 2 The Convention 1289 Michael So maybe. See ya.
7597 3 2 The Convention 1289 Dwight Why do they call him The Bus?
7598 3 2 The Convention 1289 Michael Because he's afraid to fly.
7599 3 2 The Convention 1290 Dwight Smile!
7600 3 2 The Convention 1290 Michael Do you remember me from last year? There's a party in my room, 308, can't miss it, right off the elevator. Tonight. Be there!
7601 3 2 The Convention 1291 Josh All right, Jan just emailed me. She wants us to meet her up front.
7602 3 2 The Convention 1291 Michael Yep. Yeah, she's up front.
7603 3 2 The Convention 1291 Dwight You don't have email on your phone.
7604 3 2 The Convention 1291 Michael I don't have to, I just know. Yes, hello?
7605 3 2 The Convention 1291 Dwight No one just called you.
7606 3 2 The Convention 1291 Josh All right.
7607 3 2 The Convention 1291 Jim All right, nice meeting you, Ted. Take care.
7608 3 2 The Convention 1291 Ted I'll see you soon.
7609 3 2 The Convention 1291 Josh Yeah, stop by later.
7610 3 2 The Convention 1291 Michael See you in a bit. Bye-bye. May I have a moment of your time please?
7611 3 2 The Convention 1292 Michael I need you to do something for me.
7612 3 2 The Convention 1292 Dwight Yes. Anything.
7613 3 2 The Convention 1292 Michael I want you to dig up some dirt on Josh. Find out if there are any skeletons in his attic.
7614 3 2 The Convention 1292 Dwight I'll talk to my buddy down at the station, stat.
7615 3 2 The Convention 1293 Toby Hey, Pam.
7616 3 2 The Convention 1293 Pam Hey! What's up?
7617 3 2 The Convention 1293 Toby It's, uh... I was... might ask if you wanted...
7618 3 2 The Convention 1293 Pam Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam. He's not in the office. Can I take a message? I will. You too. Sorry. What's up?
7619 3 2 The Convention 1293 Toby Um, if, uh... um... I just completely forgot what I was going to say. It's so weird.
7620 3 2 The Convention 1293 Pam Okay. Well, if you think of it, I'll be here.
7621 3 2 The Convention 1293 Toby Okay.
7622 3 2 The Convention 1294 Dwight So I called my buddy down at the station today. Had them run a background check on Josh Porter. See if there's any known aliases, et cetera.
7623 3 2 The Convention 1294 Michael And?
7624 3 2 The Convention 1294 Dwight He wasn't volunteering today.
7625 3 2 The Convention 1295 Michael Business has been pretty crazy around the office.
7626 3 2 The Convention 1295 Jim Oh yeah?
7627 3 2 The Convention 1295 Michael Yeah. Moved Ryan over to your desk.
7628 3 2 The Convention 1295 Jim Oh, tell him I say hi.
7629 3 2 The Convention 1295 Michael I will call him later with that message.
7630 3 2 The Convention 1295 Jim Hey, how is... Toby?
7631 3 2 The Convention 1295 Michael Toby Flenderson is everything that is wrong with the paper industry. Is he why you left?
7632 3 2 The Convention 1295 Jim Oh, no, it was... you know, a good opportunity for me, a promotion. I got a chance to...
7633 3 2 The Convention 1295 Michael Opportunity, promotion, blah, blah. You know, Jim, those are just words. Have you taken into account other factors, vis-a-vis bosses? Is Josh funnier than I am? Does he even have a girlfriend? Because I have two, basically.
7634 3 2 The Convention 1295 Jim Michael, it's really not a competition.
7635 3 2 The Convention 1296 Josh Jim got us a great lead with a new rep from National Envelope. We can grab lunch with them tomorrow.
7636 3 2 The Convention 1296 Jan Great!
7637 3 2 The Convention 1296 Michael Hey, Jan, Jan? Don't worry, I have got the tip.
7638 3 2 The Convention 1296 Dwight Whoa. Michael.
7639 3 2 The Convention 1296 Waiter Wow, oh my God, thank you.
7640 3 2 The Convention 1296 Michael You're welcome.
7641 3 2 The Convention 1296 Dwight Was that your per diem?
7642 3 2 The Convention 1296 Michael No, that was a different hundred dollar bill.
7643 3 2 The Convention 1296 Jan What have you generated, Michael?
7644 3 2 The Convention 1296 Michael I have generated a lot of interest in my party this evening.
7645 3 2 The Convention 1296 Jan What party?
7646 3 2 The Convention 1296 Michael The party I'm having tonight in 308. Obviously, you are invited.
7647 3 2 The Convention 1296 Jan Michael, um... Jim and Josh are in meetings all day. And I am in and out of meetings. I can't stay on top of you 24/7.
7648 3 2 The Convention 1297 Phyllis You should order the most expensive thing on the menu, so he knows you're worth it.
7649 3 2 The Convention 1297 Stanley If you do that, you're going to have to put out.
7650 3 2 The Convention 1297 Phyllis Oh, yeah. You'll have to put out.
7651 3 2 The Convention 1298 Angela Is there a key for Jane Doe? Thank you.
7652 3 2 The Convention 1298 Michael Any messages for 308? All right.
7653 3 2 The Convention 1299 Michael Hey hey, fellers.
7654 3 2 The Convention 1299 Jim Michael.
7655 3 2 The Convention 1299 Dwight Hey, Michael.
7656 3 2 The Convention 1299 Michael What's up?
7657 3 2 The Convention 1299 Josh Well, Jim and I have a meeting with Uni-ball in about forty-five minutes, so we should probably go now.
7658 3 2 The Convention 1299 Michael Hey, check this out. How about that? A little friendly competition. Stamford versus Scranton.
7659 3 2 The Convention 1299 Josh I don't think so.
7660 3 2 The Convention 1299 Michael Oh, Jim. Looks like you picked a bad time to defect, my friend.
7661 3 2 The Convention 1299 Josh Fine! All right.
7662 3 2 The Convention 1299 Michael Okay! Excellent. Oh...
7663 3 2 The Convention 1299 Dwight Keep the wing flaps.
7664 3 2 The Convention 1299 Michael Shut it. Hey, Pam, what's up? Yep, yech... no. Tell him I will give him general specifics tomorrow, okay? Yes. Say hi to Pam!
7665 3 2 The Convention 1299 Jim, Josh,, Dwight Hi, Pam.
7666 3 2 The Convention 1299 Michael Yes. That is Josh and Dwight and Jim. Pam says hi. Have fun on your date! Very good, talk to you later. Bye.
7667 3 2 The Convention 1300 Michael You first.
7668 3 2 The Convention 1300 Dwight Come on. Nice try, Josh!
7669 3 2 The Convention 1300 Michael Not. It hit the rim. Okay, and... okay. Double or nothing.
7670 3 2 The Convention 1300 Josh Or what? We didn't bet anything, Michael.
7671 3 2 The Convention 1300 Michael Well, let's...
7672 3 2 The Convention 1300 Josh Yeah, we should go.
7673 3 2 The Convention 1300 Michael Come on!
7674 3 2 The Convention 1300 Josh We gotta go.
7675 3 2 The Convention 1300 Michael Come on!
7676 3 2 The Convention 1300 Josh Uh... we'll do it later.
7677 3 2 The Convention 1300 Evan Say, while I have you here, could I talk to you about some new and exciting advances to our product line?
7678 3 2 The Convention 1300 Michael Fine.
7679 3 2 The Convention 1301 Michael Jim and I have different definitions of friendship. I think it's talking and being friends, and Jim thinks it's moving to Connecticut and being best friends with Josh. Well, phooey on that. I, uh, I'm done. I am not going to be speaking with him anymore. Whatevs. Long-distance relationships never work.
7680 3 2 The Convention 1301 Evan That is so true. Ready?
7681 3 2 The Convention 1301 Michael Okay, let me tell you what we're looking for.
7682 3 2 The Convention 1301 Evan Great.
7683 3 2 The Convention 1302 Michael Sorry, my meeting ran late.
7684 3 2 The Convention 1302 Jan Really?
7685 3 2 The Convention 1302 Michael Yes, Jan, really. With a rep from HammerMill.
7686 3 2 The Convention 1302 Josh They're exclusive with Staples.
7687 3 2 The Convention 1302 Michael Used to be. Evan will call you in the morning to work out the details. We can now sell HammerMill products.
7688 3 2 The Convention 1302 Dwight Yes! Ha!
7689 3 2 The Convention 1302 Jan Well, Michael, I underestimated you.
7690 3 2 The Convention 1302 Michael Yeah, well, maybe next time you will estimate me.
7691 3 2 The Convention 1303 Jim Dwight's room key. And... Dwight's room. What can I say? Old habits die hard.
7692 3 2 The Convention 1303 Angela D?
7693 3 2 The Convention 1303 Jim Oh my God. Dwight got a hooker! Oh my God, I gotta call... well, I gotta call somebody, I don't even know who to call. Dwight got a hooker!
7694 3 2 The Convention 1304 Kelly So, Alan, Pam is obsessed with your cartoons. She reads them every day.
7695 3 2 The Convention 1304 Alan Oh, great.
7696 3 2 The Convention 1304 Ryan I don't want ketchup.
7697 3 2 The Convention 1304 Kelly You love ketchup! He loves ketchup.
7698 3 2 The Convention 1304 Pam So how do you come up with your cartoons?
7699 3 2 The Convention 1304 Alan Well, I just, uh... I kinda think about stuff that I see, or dream them.
7700 3 2 The Convention 1304 Pam You dream in cartoons? How fun!
7701 3 2 The Convention 1305 Michael Hey, first guest! You are going to have some tequila, my friend.
7702 3 2 The Convention 1305 Guy I thought there was a party in here.
7703 3 2 The Convention 1305 Michael This is the party.
7704 3 2 The Convention 1305 Guy This is room 308?
7705 3 2 The Convention 1305 Michael Party central! So, what can I do you for? All right.
7706 3 2 The Convention 1306 Alan See, this one is great, because it can work on a couple of different levels.
7707 3 2 The Convention 1306 Pam Huh.
7708 3 2 The Convention 1306 Alan Freedom fries for the table.
7709 3 2 The Convention 1306 Pam Freedom fries. Yeah.
7710 3 2 The Convention 1306 Alan Yeah. I mean, people always say, like, "Don't be edgy." But I don't know any other way. Yeah, you get it.
7711 3 2 The Convention 1307 Pam Well, it was, uh, it was really nice meeting you, Alan.
7712 3 2 The Convention 1307 Alan Yeah. Next time bring some of your illustrations, I'll let you pick my brain.
7713 3 2 The Convention 1307 Pam More freedom fries.
7714 3 2 The Convention 1307 Alan Yeah.
7715 3 2 The Convention 1307 Pam That's great.
7716 3 2 The Convention 1307 Alan Okay.
7717 3 2 The Convention 1308 Pam I went on a date. It wasn't a love connection, um... I think when I like someone again, I'll just kinda know.
7718 3 2 The Convention 1309 Jim Michael. Am I the first to arrive?
7719 3 2 The Convention 1309 Michael People have been filtering in and out.
7720 3 2 The Convention 1309 Jim Can I get a drink?
7721 3 2 The Convention 1309 Michael What?
7722 3 2 The Convention 1309 Jim Can I get a drink?
7723 3 2 The Convention 1309 Michael Sure. You like Cosmos?
7724 3 2 The Convention 1309 Jim Yeah.
7725 3 2 The Convention 1309 Michael Sure, sounds good. So why are you here? Is Josh busy?
7726 3 2 The Convention 1309 Jim Michael...
7727 3 2 The Convention 1309 Michael I get it! No, no, I totally get it. He made a better paper airplane, Stamford is better in sales... I get it. We had some fun. We had some laughs. And that's just...
7728 3 2 The Convention 1309 Jim Wait, wait. I didn't transfer because of you. You're a good boss. You're a great boss.
7729 3 2 The Convention 1309 Michael I'm not better than Josh.
7730 3 2 The Convention 1309 Jim Michael, it's not about... I transferred because of Pam.
7731 3 2 The Convention 1309 Michael Oh my God. You don't even know. She's single now.
7732 3 2 The Convention 1309 Jim No, I just... I heard something about that. It's just, I kind of put it all on the line. Twice, actually. And she said no. Twice.
7733 3 2 The Convention 1309 Michael I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry. Hey, you know what? I will talk to her.
7734 3 2 The Convention 1309 Jim Nope, that's okay.
7735 3 2 The Convention 1309 Michael Yeah.
7736 3 2 The Convention 1309 Jim That's all right.
7737 3 2 The Convention 1309 Michael I will. I'll talk to her. You should at least talk to Roy. I mean, he knows exactly how you're feeling.
7738 3 2 The Convention 1309 Jim Yeah. Okay, maybe.
7739 3 2 The Convention 1309 Evan Are we early?
7740 3 2 The Convention 1309 Michael Hey! No, you know, people have been filtering in and out.
7741 3 2 The Convention 1309 Jim Hey.
7742 3 2 The Convention 1309 Michael Evan, this is Jim.
7743 3 2 The Convention 1309 Jim How are you?
7744 3 2 The Convention 1309 Evan Hey, uh... Arnie Reisman. Michael, Jim.
7745 3 2 The Convention 1309 Michael Hey, Ernie, how ya doing?
7746 3 2 The Convention 1309 Evan Do you guys work together?
7747 3 2 The Convention 1309 Jim No, we used to. Now we're friends.
7748 3 2 The Convention 1309 Michael Best friends.
7749 3 2 The Convention 1310 Michael Some people need dozens of friends to say, "Hey, look at me, I'm popular." But not me. I'm very picky. I need three, maybe two. When you meet that someone special, you'll just know. Because a real relationship, it... it can't be forced. It should just come about effortlessly.
7750 3 2 The Convention 1311 Michael Now, would you do the pleasure of hitting the lights, sir? Ha, ha, ha.
7751 3 2 The Convention 1311 Dwight Ha, ha, ha, ha.
7752 3 2 The Convention 1311 Michael Whoa. What are those stains?
7753 3 2 The Convention 1311 Dwight Blood, urine, or semen.
7754 3 2 The Convention 1311 Michael Oh, God, I hope it's urine.
7755 3 3 The Coup 1312 Michael Ahhhhhhhhh. I'm hungry.
7756 3 3 The Coup 1313 Michael Movie Monday! The only cure I know for the Monday blues is... Varsity Blues!
7757 3 3 The Coup 1314 Michael Let's gooooo! Let's go, let's go, let's go!
7758 3 3 The Coup 1314 Dwight Take a seat down there. Second from the end.
7759 3 3 The Coup 1314 Michael Alright, everybody here? Yes.
7760 3 3 The Coup 1314 Pam Popcorn anyone?
7761 3 3 The Coup 1314 Michael Yes pleeeeease! Thank yooouuu!
7762 3 3 The Coup 1314 Pam Anyone else? Nooo.
7763 3 3 The Coup 1315 Pam Movie Monday started with training videos, but we went through those pretty fast. Then we watched a medical video. Since then, it's been half hour installments of various movies, with the exception of an episode of Entourage, which Michael made us watch six times.
7764 3 3 The Coup 1316 Michael Entourage!
7765 3 3 The Coup 1317 Michael Kevin, would you like to do the scenes from last week?
7766 3 3 The Coup 1317 Kevin Yes!
7767 3 3 The Coup 1317 Dwight Why him?
7768 3 3 The Coup 1317 Michael Don't whine. Get the window.
7769 3 3 The Coup 1318 Michael Previously on Varsity Blues...
7770 3 3 The Coup 1318 Kevin Ok. Billy-Bob, got a head injury, but coach made him play. So then Lance, he gets sacked, he's out for the year...
7771 3 3 The Coup 1319 Jan Hello?
7772 3 3 The Coup 1320 Dwight Not everyone approves of Movie Monday. I won't say who.
7773 3 3 The Coup 1321 Angela I don't approve. I don't.
7774 3 3 The Coup 1322 Jan Hello?
7775 3 3 The Coup 1323 Michael Hi Jan! Hope you brought the Milk Duds!
7776 3 3 The Coup 1324 Jan How would a movie increase productivity Michael? How on earth would it do that?
7777 3 3 The Coup 1324 Michael People work faster after...
7778 3 3 The Coup 1324 Jan Magically?
7779 3 3 The Coup 1324 Michael No... they have to... to make up for the time they lost watching the movie.
7780 3 3 The Coup 1324 Jan No.
7781 3 3 The Coup 1325 Angela Kitchen.
7782 3 3 The Coup 1326 Angela Michael is going to get us all fired. You sat back and let him play that dumb movie, and now Jan is peeved off and we're all going to lose our jobs.
7783 3 3 The Coup 1326 Dwight That's not going to happen.
7784 3 3 The Coup 1326 Angela You know she has it out for him now.
7785 3 3 The Coup 1326 Dwight That's not his fault! He had to follow his heart!
7786 3 3 The Coup 1327 Dwight Ever since Michael dumped Jan for Carol, Jan's been bitching out on him. Reject a woman and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind. Also weak arms.
7787 3 3 The Coup 1328 Angela Dwight, you should be running this office.
7788 3 3 The Coup 1328 Dwight Michael would never let me...
7789 3 3 The Coup 1328 Angela It's not up to Michael, it's Jan's call. Talk to her.
7790 3 3 The Coup 1328 Dwight I could never do that!
7791 3 3 The Coup 1328 Angela Fine! Sit back and do nothing and let us all get fired!
7792 3 3 The Coup 1329 Angela I know that patience and loyalty are good, and virtuous traits. But sometimes I just think you need to grow a pair.
7793 3 3 The Coup 1330 Jim At the Stamford branch, they all play this World War II video game called Call of Duty, and they're all really into it. I'm told it started as a team building exercise. Unfortunately I really suck at it. We didn't play many video games in Scranton. Instead we'd do stuff like, uh, Pam and I would sometimes hum the same high pitched note, and try to get Dwight to make an appointment with an ear doctor. And uh, Pam called it... Pretendenitus.
7794 3 3 The Coup 1331 Pam Hey Kelly, my stuff just got here.
7795 3 3 The Coup 1332 Pam Kelly really likes to online shop. Soooo, I felt like I wanted some new clothes. I mean, I just, I wanted to, it just, I felt like it was time, to maybe um... just get new clothes.
7796 3 3 The Coup 1333 Pam Ok.
7797 3 3 The Coup 1333 Kelly I love it!
7798 3 3 The Coup 1333 Pam Really? I don't know.
7799 3 3 The Coup 1333 Kelly You haven't even tried it on yet, try it on.
7800 3 3 The Coup 1333 Pam Not at work, I'll try it on---
7801 3 3 The Coup 1333 Kelly Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch!
7802 3 3 The Coup 1333 Pam ...noooo
7803 3 3 The Coup 1333 Kelly Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch! Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch!
7804 3 3 The Coup 1334 Andy Why did you do that?!
7805 3 3 The Coup 1334 Jim I'm just killing Germans, any way I can.
7806 3 3 The Coup 1334 Andy We're on the German team. Shoot the Brittish.
7807 3 3 The Coup 1334 Jim Wait, are we playing teams?
7808 3 3 The Coup 1334 Karen Yeah.
7809 3 3 The Coup 1335 Dwight WAH! GAH!
7810 3 3 The Coup 1336 Jan Hello?
7811 3 3 The Coup 1336 Dwight Is this Jan?
7812 3 3 The Coup 1336 Jan Who is this?
7813 3 3 The Coup 1336 Dwight This is Dwight Schrute. I am calling about an extremely sensitive matter.
7814 3 3 The Coup 1336 Jan You should talk to Michael, and he'll talk to me, and that way we don't have to speak to each other.
7815 3 3 The Coup 1336 Dwight It's about Michael.
7816 3 3 The Coup 1336 Jan What about him?
7817 3 3 The Coup 1336 Dwight I can't talk here. It's too sensitive.
7818 3 3 The Coup 1336 Jan It's not about a surprise party is it?
7819 3 3 The Coup 1336 Dwight No, but we should discuss that another time.
7820 3 3 The Coup 1336 Jan Look, I am already an hour outside of Scranton, Dwight, I'm not coming back.
7821 3 3 The Coup 1336 Dwight Pull over at exit 40. There is a Liz Claiborne outlet. I know you like that store. Go inside and shop, until I can meet you.
7822 3 3 The Coup 1336 Jan How do you know I like that store?
7823 3 3 The Coup 1336 Dwight Many of your blouses are Claiborne's.
7824 3 3 The Coup 1336 Jan How do you know that?
7825 3 3 The Coup 1336 Dwight Part of my job.
7826 3 3 The Coup 1336 Jan No it's not. It's officially not.
7827 3 3 The Coup 1336 Dwight ...noted.
7828 3 3 The Coup 1337 Dwight I'm going... to the dentist.
7829 3 3 The Coup 1337 Michael Ok.
7830 3 3 The Coup 1337 Dwight I have to have an emergency crown put in.
7831 3 3 The Coup 1337 Michael Ouchy.
7832 3 3 The Coup 1337 Dwight Yes. It's a new dentist. He's far. I might be gone... three hours.
7833 3 3 The Coup 1337 Michael Three hours, wow. Have fun.
7834 3 3 The Coup 1338 Dwight Did you get anything good?
7835 3 3 The Coup 1338 Jan Yeah.
7836 3 3 The Coup 1338 Dwight New blouse? Halter top? Camisole? Teddy?
7837 3 3 The Coup 1339 Dwight I can save the branch.
7838 3 3 The Coup 1339 Jan Really?
7839 3 3 The Coup 1339 Dwight If you let me run it.
7840 3 3 The Coup 1339 Jan Ok.
7841 3 3 The Coup 1339 Dwight "Ok" I can run it?
7842 3 3 The Coup 1339 Jan What would you do differently?
7843 3 3 The Coup 1339 Dwight Mostly get rid of waste. Which is half the people there. And clean house. Right here. It's all for me. Thank you.
7844 3 3 The Coup 1339 Jan Dwight, you must feel strongly, to speak with me this way, behind Michael's back, and turn on so many of your co-workers.
7845 3 3 The Coup 1339 Dwight The decision to turn on Michael was difficult. But once I did it, I didn't look back. And mostly I feel that Michael would approve. It's really what's best for the branch. And I could care less about my co-workers. So , here we are. It's all, on the table. I want... the branch. And I await your decision.
7846 3 3 The Coup 1340 Dwight Oh, by the way. There's a new Ann Taylor outlet store near here. I know you like their earrings.
7847 3 3 The Coup 1340 Jan Where is it?
7848 3 3 The Coup 1341 Jan Michael.
7849 3 3 The Coup 1341 Michael Hi.
7850 3 3 The Coup 1341 Jan I just had a very interesting conversation with one of your employees.
7851 3 3 The Coup 1341 Michael Oh. That's nice.
7852 3 3 The Coup 1341 Jan No, it wasn't. Dwight just told me that he thinks he can run the branch better than you.
7853 3 3 The Coup 1341 Michael ...what?
7854 3 3 The Coup 1341 Jan Mm-hmm.
7855 3 3 The Coup 1341 Michael ...you were at the dentist?
7856 3 3 The Coup 1341 Jan You can't have people undermining you. Get control of your branch immediately.
7857 3 3 The Coup 1341 Michael Ok.
7858 3 3 The Coup 1342 Michael What was Dwight thinking? That he could turn Jan against me? She's my ex-lover! ...ish.
7859 3 3 The Coup 1343 Phyllis Woooooow.
7860 3 3 The Coup 1343 Phyllis It's really something.
7861 3 3 The Coup 1343 Pam It's too much.
7862 3 3 The Coup 1343 Kelly What?
7863 3 3 The Coup 1343 Pam I'm gonna return it.
7864 3 3 The Coup 1343 Kelly No, you have to keep it today, just see how you feel.
7865 3 3 The Coup 1344 Roy Hey.
7866 3 3 The Coup 1344 Pam Hi.
7867 3 3 The Coup 1344 Roy You look nice.
7868 3 3 The Coup 1344 Pam Thanks.
7869 3 3 The Coup 1344 Kelly Isn't that like your third soda today?
7870 3 3 The Coup 1345 Jim Yeah I think we can be a big help to your company. Ok, see you next week. Bye. Again?
7871 3 3 The Coup 1345 Karen Scared?
7872 3 3 The Coup 1346 Karen Call of Duty!
7873 3 3 The Coup 1347 Josh Andy, Jim, can I see you in the conference room for a minute?
7874 3 3 The Coup 1347 Andy Now?
7875 3 3 The Coup 1347 Josh Yes now.
7876 3 3 The Coup 1347 Andy Put the game on hold everyone.
7877 3 3 The Coup 1348 Josh This is not working, ok? We are getting slaughtered out there.
7878 3 3 The Coup 1348 Andy It's the new guy.
7879 3 3 The Coup 1348 Jim Oh, I'm sorry I don't know... what we're talking about...
7880 3 3 The Coup 1348 Andy See what I mean?
7881 3 3 The Coup 1348 Josh We just need a strategy, ok? We're going to set up a trap in the gun room. All right Jim, are you using the MP-40 or the 44?
7882 3 3 The Coup 1348 Jim Um, sniper rifle?
7883 3 3 The Coup 1348 Josh SNIPE--
7884 3 3 The Coup 1348 Andy WHAT?
7885 3 3 The Coup 1348 Josh JIM!
7886 3 3 The Coup 1348 Andy Are you playing for the other team?!
7887 3 3 The Coup 1348 Josh You don't snipe in Carrington, ok?
7888 3 3 The Coup 1348 Andy Saboteur!
7889 3 3 The Coup 1348 Josh Andy, it's not---
7890 3 3 The Coup 1348 Andy Saboteur! I'm going to kill you for real. This game--- the game is over. I'm really going to shoot you.
7891 3 3 The Coup 1349 Michael Hey Dwight.
7892 3 3 The Coup 1349 Dwight Hey.
7893 3 3 The Coup 1349 Michael Do you want an M&M?
7894 3 3 The Coup 1349 Dwight No thanks I'm stuffed.
7895 3 3 The Coup 1349 Michael No seriously. You should have an M&M, they're really good.
7896 3 3 The Coup 1349 Dwight ...ok.
7897 3 3 The Coup 1349 Michael They're good, huh?
7898 3 3 The Coup 1349 Dwight ...so good.
7899 3 3 The Coup 1349 Michael Hey. I thought you weren't supposed to eat anything for a couple hours after you've had a crown put in.
7900 3 3 The Coup 1349 Dwight They have this new kind of quick drying bonding, so...
7901 3 3 The Coup 1349 Michael Sounds like a good dentist.
7902 3 3 The Coup 1349 Dwight Oh, yeah.
7903 3 3 The Coup 1349 Michael What's his name?
7904 3 3 The Coup 1349 Dwight Crentist.
7905 3 3 The Coup 1349 Michael Your dentist's name is Crentist.
7906 3 3 The Coup 1349 Dwight Yep.
7907 3 3 The Coup 1349 Michael Huh. Sounds a lot like dentist.
7908 3 3 The Coup 1349 Dwight Maybe that's why he became a dentist.
7909 3 3 The Coup 1350 Michael Let me see your teeth. Let me see 'em. Let me see 'em.
7910 3 3 The Coup 1350 Dwight Ahh. Aaaah.
7911 3 3 The Coup 1350 Michael You should... floss.
7912 3 3 The Coup 1350 Dwight I know...
7913 3 3 The Coup 1350 Michael Well then... I am glad you're ok.
7914 3 3 The Coup 1351 Michael Business is like a jungle. And I... am like a tiger. And Dwight, is like a monkey, that stabs the tiger in the back with a stick. Does the tiger fire the monkey? Does the tiger transfer the monkey to another branch? Pun. There is no way of knowing what goes on inside the tiger's head. We don't have the technology.
7915 3 3 The Coup 1352 Michael Dwight, can I talk to you for a second?
7916 3 3 The Coup 1353 Michael Wow, this is tough.
7917 3 3 The Coup 1353 Dwight What?
7918 3 3 The Coup 1353 Michael Ohhhh. Arrrgggh!
7919 3 3 The Coup 1353 Dwight What is it?
7920 3 3 The Coup 1353 Michael Well, I just got off the phone with Jan. And um... she demoted me.
7921 3 3 The Coup 1353 Dwight No.
7922 3 3 The Coup 1353 Michael Yeah. You know what the craziest part of this is? She demoted me to your job!
7923 3 3 The Coup 1353 Dwight Gahh!
7924 3 3 The Coup 1353 Michael And she said that you should be expecting a call later from corporate, and that um, I guess that means that you are going to be acting manager of Dunder Mifflin, Scranton.
7925 3 3 The Coup 1353 Dwight I can't believe this news. That--- wow.
7926 3 3 The Coup 1353 Michael I know. I told her I didn't know whether you'd wanna do it... because you've always been so loyal to me. You've been my most trusted ally.
7927 3 3 The Coup 1353 Dwight You said that?
7928 3 3 The Coup 1353 Michael Yep, I did. I did. But I think... you should do it.
7929 3 3 The Coup 1353 Dwight Well... Gosh, if you think I should. Then I will.
7930 3 3 The Coup 1353 Michael Perfect, well, we're settled.
7931 3 3 The Coup 1353 Dwight All right.
7932 3 3 The Coup 1353 Michael All right. Well then, you are now acting manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton Branch, and I... am assistant regional manager.
7933 3 3 The Coup 1353 Dwight Assistant to the regional manager. Thank you Michael, for staying on. I really appreciate it.
7934 3 3 The Coup 1353 Michael Ohh..
7935 3 3 The Coup 1353 Dwight Hey... I can't imagine this place without you.
7936 3 3 The Coup 1353 Michael Can't you? That's so nice.
7937 3 3 The Coup 1354 Michael Well... I guess we should go tell the troops.
7938 3 3 The Coup 1354 Dwight Yeah, when I'm ready, Mike. Ok let's do it.
7939 3 3 The Coup 1355 Michael Hey, hi, hello. Everybody, I have some good news, and I have some bad news. I... am being replaced, as your leader, by Dwight.
7940 3 3 The Coup 1355 Phyllis You're kidding...
7941 3 3 The Coup 1355 Michael You might think that I am kidding, and I understand that.
7942 3 3 The Coup 1355 Angela Congratulations Dwight.
7943 3 3 The Coup 1355 Dwight Thank you Angela.
7944 3 3 The Coup 1355 Stanley But... why Dwight?
7945 3 3 The Coup 1355 Michael Because, Dwight... never lies.
7946 3 3 The Coup 1355 Stanley How does that qualify him to run a branch?
7947 3 3 The Coup 1355 Michael Because that's all it takes.
7948 3 3 The Coup 1356 Michael Ok, Dwight, would you like to say a few words to everybody... about loyalty?
7949 3 3 The Coup 1356 Dwight Thank you Michael. I just want to say, to the few of you who will remain under my employ, that I intend to lead you into the black! With ferocity!
7950 3 3 The Coup 1357 Phyllis Michael, what will you do?
7951 3 3 The Coup 1357 Michael Oh, I'll be fine.
7952 3 3 The Coup 1357 Kevin Do you have any savings?
7953 3 3 The Coup 1357 Michael No, no, I don't, but---
7954 3 3 The Coup 1357 Kevin Michael, you might lose your condo.
7955 3 3 The Coup 1357 Michael I... won't. I won't.
7956 3 3 The Coup 1358 Pam I have this little vacuum cleaner that's broken. If Dwight doesn't work out, maybe that could be manager.
7957 3 3 The Coup 1359 Phyllis Maybe I'll quit.
7958 3 3 The Coup 1360 Angela It's really happening!
7959 3 3 The Coup 1360 Dwight Yes.
7960 3 3 The Coup 1360 Angela We can make a difference here.
7961 3 3 The Coup 1360 Angela You alone? Because I thought together we could---
7962 3 3 The Coup 1360 Dwight Oh please, don't be naive. But you can be in charge of the women.
7963 3 3 The Coup 1361 Karen Look how cute he is! He's trying to shoot with a smoke grenade.
7964 3 3 The Coup 1361 Jim I'm sorry what are you whispering about?
7965 3 3 The Coup 1361 Karen I'm sorry nothing, just concentrate on turning around.
7966 3 3 The Coup 1361 Jim I'm trying---
7967 3 3 The Coup 1361 Karen Just tap S then D.
7968 3 3 The Coup 1361 Jim Oh.
7969 3 3 The Coup 1361 Karen Any... last words? No?
7970 3 3 The Coup 1361 Jim What?
7971 3 3 The Coup 1361 Jim Wow. Psychopath.
7972 3 3 The Coup 1362 Pam What?
7973 3 3 The Coup 1362 Creed I'm just looking.
7974 3 3 The Coup 1362 Pam Please go back to your desk.
7975 3 3 The Coup 1362 Creed In a minute.
7976 3 3 The Coup 1363 Pam Well, I remember why I dress the way I do at work. But I'm gonna keep the clothes. I mean, it'll be cool to just have some after work clothes that aren't pajamas.
7977 3 3 The Coup 1364 Michael Well, I guess it's time, that I turn over the keys, to the famous Sebring.
7978 3 3 The Coup 1364 Dwight No thank you.
7979 3 3 The Coup 1364 Michael It's a corporate lease Dwight, you've earned it.
7980 3 3 The Coup 1364 Dwight No thanks.
7981 3 3 The Coup 1364 Michael What?
7982 3 3 The Coup 1364 Dwight Not my style.
7983 3 3 The Coup 1364 Michael But you said you liked it. You've always admired it.
7984 3 3 The Coup 1364 Dwight Well that was before. I'm thinking about getting something German, something with decent gas mileage. Plus, that convertible, it's a ridiculous choice for this climate.
7985 3 3 The Coup 1364 Michael Take it back.
7986 3 3 The Coup 1364 Dwight No.
7987 3 3 The Coup 1364 Michael That's my car.
7988 3 3 The Coup 1364 Dwight What did you---
7989 3 3 The Coup 1364 Michael THAT'S MY CAR.
7990 3 3 The Coup 1364 Dwight Yes.
7991 3 3 The Coup 1365 Michael I know, Dwight. I know. I know. I know.
7992 3 3 The Coup 1365 Dwight You know what?
7993 3 3 The Coup 1365 Michael Jan called me about your little meeting!
7994 3 3 The Coup 1365 Dwight No!
7995 3 3 The Coup 1365 Michael I know, what you did. I made the whole thing up, Dwight.
7996 3 3 The Coup 1365 Dwight I think the Sebring's cool. It's cool. The Seabring's cool. It has a cassette and it has a CD.
7997 3 3 The Coup 1365 Michael Oh do you? Do you like the Sebring--- HOW DARE YOU?! How dare you, Dwight?
7998 3 3 The Coup 1365 Dwight Don't fire me. Please.
7999 3 3 The Coup 1365 Michael Give me one good reason why I should fire you RIGHT HERE ON THE SPOT?!
8000 3 3 The Coup 1365 Dwight I HAVE EXCELLENT SALES NUMBERS!
8001 3 3 The Coup 1365 Michael Not. Good. Enough!
8002 3 3 The Coup 1365 Dwight I'll do anything! Anything! I'll do your laundry for a month! For a year!
8003 3 3 The Coup 1365 Michael I have a laundry machine!
8004 3 3 The Coup 1365 Dwight I'm sorry! I'll do anything, I swear.
8005 3 3 The Coup 1365 Michael I don't know if I can trust you anymore.
8006 3 3 The Coup 1365 Dwight You can't. You can't. But I promise I'll never betray you again. What can I do, Michael. What can I do? What can I do? What can I do? What can I do?
8007 3 3 The Coup 1365 Michael You can get up. Get up. And you can hug it out, bitch.
8008 3 3 The Coup 1366 Michael Hug it out, bitch. That is what men say to each other, after a fight. They hug it out, and doing so, the just... let it go. And walk away. And they're done. Not a good idea to say that to a woman however. I have found. It doesn't translate.
8009 3 3 The Coup 1367 Michael Yep. Yeah, we hugged it out. But, it turns out, I was still a little angry. So, I felt I needed to punish him, just a little bit more, and I'm making him do my laundry for a year.
8010 3 4 Grief Counseling 1368 Michael Hey Ryan, can I get you a pencil from the warehouse?
8011 3 4 Grief Counseling 1368 Ryan Uh, no thanks, I'm good.
8012 3 4 Grief Counseling 1368 Michael Oh, it's okay, I'm going down.
8013 3 4 Grief Counseling 1368 Ryan Um... Yeah, absolutely.
8014 3 4 Grief Counseling 1368 Michael All right, I'll be right back.
8015 3 4 Grief Counseling 1368 Dwight Whoo!
8016 3 4 Grief Counseling 1368 Michael There you go.
8017 3 4 Grief Counseling 1368 Dwight Awesome!
8018 3 4 Grief Counseling 1368 Ryan Thank you.
8019 3 4 Grief Counseling 1368 Michael You're welcome.
8020 3 4 Grief Counseling 1368 Dwight Michael, can you get me a pen from down in the warehouse?
8021 3 4 Grief Counseling 1368 Michael Don't mind if I do. See you in a minute.
8022 3 4 Grief Counseling 1368 Dwight Okay. Whoo!
8023 3 4 Grief Counseling 1368 Michael There you go, fresh from the warehouse.
8024 3 4 Grief Counseling 1368 Pam Hey Michael, would you get me some coffee from the warehouse?
8025 3 4 Grief Counseling 1368 Michael There's coffee in the kitchen, Pam.
8026 3 4 Grief Counseling 1368 Pam But the warehouse coffee tastes SO much better.
8027 3 4 Grief Counseling 1368 Ryan, others Yeah. Yes, it's better. It's great.
8028 3 4 Grief Counseling 1368 Michael All right. Okay.
8029 3 4 Grief Counseling 1369 Michael I am like Bette Midler in For the Boys. Gotta keep the troops entertained.
8030 3 4 Grief Counseling 1370 Pam With cream and sugar?
8031 3 4 Grief Counseling 1370 Michael All right.
8032 3 4 Grief Counseling 1371 Jan So, I wanted to let you know that we lost Ed Truck.
8033 3 4 Grief Counseling 1371 Michael Oookay. Let me see if I have his cell. Is this the only reason you are calling, Jan? Or does somebody miss me?
8034 3 4 Grief Counseling 1371 Jan Michael, Ed died over the weekend.
8035 3 4 Grief Counseling 1371 Michael Oh, wow.
8036 3 4 Grief Counseling 1372 Michael Attention, everybody. I just received a call from corporate with some news they felt that I should know first. My old boss Ed Truck has died.
8037 3 4 Grief Counseling 1372 Kelly Oh, Michael, that's such terrible news! You must feel so sad.
8038 3 4 Grief Counseling 1372 Michael Yes, I am. It's very sad. Because he was my boss.
8039 3 4 Grief Counseling 1372 Phyllis That's a shame. Ed was a good guy.
8040 3 4 Grief Counseling 1372 Michael That's right, you worked with him. So did Creed. Well, I'll be in my office in case anybody wants to drop by. Cheer me up.
8041 3 4 Grief Counseling 1373 Michael So did you hear the news?
8042 3 4 Grief Counseling 1373 Pam The news that you just announced? That Ed died?
8043 3 4 Grief Counseling 1373 Michael Yeah.
8044 3 4 Grief Counseling 1373 Pam Is there anything I can do?
8045 3 4 Grief Counseling 1373 Michael Oh, gosh, what can anybody do, really? It's... pssssh... . He was almost 70. Circle of life.
8046 3 4 Grief Counseling 1373 Pam Yeah.
8047 3 4 Grief Counseling 1373 Pam Oh. Okay.
8048 3 4 Grief Counseling 1373 Michael Yeah. Mmmmmm.
8049 3 4 Grief Counseling 1373 Pam Okay.
8050 3 4 Grief Counseling 1374 Josh What's going on with Fairfield County schools? Karen, did you generate that price list?
8051 3 4 Grief Counseling 1374 Karen Um, shoot. Uh, I will. Sorry.
8052 3 4 Grief Counseling 1374 Josh Okay, just get it done. Jim, will you make sure?
8053 3 4 Grief Counseling 1374 Jim Oh yeah, definitely.
8054 3 4 Grief Counseling 1374 Andy Suck up! Josh, did you hear what I said?
8055 3 4 Grief Counseling 1374 Josh Thank you, everyone.
8056 3 4 Grief Counseling 1375 Karen Dammit.
8057 3 4 Grief Counseling 1375 Jim What's up?
8058 3 4 Grief Counseling 1375 Karen Uh, nothing. They're just out of Herr's chips.
8059 3 4 Grief Counseling 1375 Jim Oh.
8060 3 4 Grief Counseling 1375 Karen But don't worry about it. My snack food doesn't fall under the umbrella of your authority.
8061 3 4 Grief Counseling 1375 Jim Mmm, that's where you're wrong. I'm your project supervisor today, and I have just decided that we're not doing anything until you get the chips that you require. So, I think we should go get some. Now, please.
8062 3 4 Grief Counseling 1376 Creed It's a real shame about Ed, huh?
8063 3 4 Grief Counseling 1376 Michael Yeah. Must really have you thinkin'.
8064 3 4 Grief Counseling 1376 Creed About what?
8065 3 4 Grief Counseling 1376 Michael The older you get, the bigger the chance is you're gonna die. You knew that.
8066 3 4 Grief Counseling 1376 Creed Ed was decapitated.
8067 3 4 Grief Counseling 1376 Michael What?
8068 3 4 Grief Counseling 1376 Dwight Really?
8069 3 4 Grief Counseling 1376 Creed He was drunk as a skunk, he was flying down Route 6. He slides under an 18 wheeler. Pop. It snaps right off.
8070 3 4 Grief Counseling 1376 Michael Oh my God.
8071 3 4 Grief Counseling 1376 Dwight That is the way to go. Instant death. Very smart.
8072 3 4 Grief Counseling 1376 Creed You know a human can go on living for several hours after being decapitated.
8073 3 4 Grief Counseling 1376 Dwight You're thinking of a chicken.
8074 3 4 Grief Counseling 1376 Creed What did I say?
8075 3 4 Grief Counseling 1377 Michael That is just not the way a Dunder Mifflin manager should go, I'm sorry. Alone, out of the blue, and not even have his own head to comfort him.
8076 3 4 Grief Counseling 1378 Michael So, I'm not exactly sure how to say this...
8077 3 4 Grief Counseling 1378 Dwight Ed was decapitated.
8078 3 4 Grief Counseling 1378 Michael What are you doing?
8079 3 4 Grief Counseling 1378 Dwight You said you didn't know how to say it.
8080 3 4 Grief Counseling 1378 Michael I didn't... he was driving on the road and he went under a truck. And that's when his head was separated from the rest of him. And I will let you know more as soon as I find out.
8081 3 4 Grief Counseling 1379 Dwight Hey.
8082 3 4 Grief Counseling 1379 Angela Hi.
8083 3 4 Grief Counseling 1379 Dwight If my head ever comes off, I would like you to put it on ice.
8084 3 4 Grief Counseling 1379 Angela I do not wanna talk about this.
8085 3 4 Grief Counseling 1380 Dwight When I die, I wanna be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever because I will have used that time to figure out exactly why I died and what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in.
8086 3 4 Grief Counseling 1381 Michael I don't understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King, but he didn't even work here.
8087 3 4 Grief Counseling 1381 Jan I understand how you feel, Michael. I really do. So, would it be helpful to give everyone the day off?
8088 3 4 Grief Counseling 1381 Michael You really don't get it, do you? You don't understand these people. That is the last thing that they would want is a day off.
8089 3 4 Grief Counseling 1381 Jan Well, what would you suggest?
8090 3 4 Grief Counseling 1381 Michael A statue.
8091 3 4 Grief Counseling 1381 Jan Of Ed?
8092 3 4 Grief Counseling 1381 Michael Yeah.
8093 3 4 Grief Counseling 1381 Jan I'm not sure that's realistic.
8094 3 4 Grief Counseling 1381 Michael Well, I think it would be very realistic, it would look just like him.
8095 3 4 Grief Counseling 1381 Jan No, that's not---
8096 3 4 Grief Counseling 1381 Michael We could have his eyes light up, we could have his arms move...
8097 3 4 Grief Counseling 1381 Dwight That is not a statue, that is a robot.
8098 3 4 Grief Counseling 1381 Michael I think that is a great way to honor Ed.
8099 3 4 Grief Counseling 1381 Dwight And how big do you want this robot?
8100 3 4 Grief Counseling 1381 Michael Life-size.
8101 3 4 Grief Counseling 1381 Dwight Mm, no. Better make it two-thirds. Easier to stop if it turns on us.
8102 3 4 Grief Counseling 1381 Jan What the hell are you two talking about?
8103 3 4 Grief Counseling 1381 Michael Well, we are talking about how to properly honor a man who gave his life as regional manager of this company, Jan.
8104 3 4 Grief Counseling 1381 Jan You know what, Michael? I've really tried with you today...
8105 3 4 Grief Counseling 1381 Michael Mm hm.
8106 3 4 Grief Counseling 1381 Jan ...and I have to get back to work.
8107 3 4 Grief Counseling 1381 Michael Oh do you? You know who wished they could get back to work is Ed Truck.
8108 3 4 Grief Counseling 1381 Jan So call me when you feel like having a real conversation.
8109 3 4 Grief Counseling 1381 Michael But Ed truck can't because he is---
8110 3 4 Grief Counseling 1381 Jan Goodbye.
8111 3 4 Grief Counseling 1381 Michael DEAD.
8112 3 4 Grief Counseling 1381 Dwight Look I gave him a six foot extension cord so he can't chase us.
8113 3 4 Grief Counseling 1381 Michael That's perfect.
8114 3 4 Grief Counseling 1382 Jim Okay, that is a "no" on the on the West Side Market.
8115 3 4 Grief Counseling 1382 Karen Okay, great. I think that's enough. Can I get back to work now?
8116 3 4 Grief Counseling 1382 Jim Wow. Never pegged you for a quitter.
8117 3 4 Grief Counseling 1382 Karen I am NOT a quitter. I will do this all day if you want.
8118 3 4 Grief Counseling 1382 Jim Really?
8119 3 4 Grief Counseling 1382 Karen Yeah, all day.
8120 3 4 Grief Counseling 1382 Andy Hey. What are we doing? What's the game? I want in.
8121 3 4 Grief Counseling 1382 Jim Oh, there's no game. We're just trying to get these chips for Karen.
8122 3 4 Grief Counseling 1382 Andy Did you check the vending machine?
8123 3 4 Grief Counseling 1382 Karen Oh, the vending machines! How did we miss that?
8124 3 4 Grief Counseling 1382 Jim I have no idea. We went right for the copier.
8125 3 4 Grief Counseling 1382 Karen Mm.
8126 3 4 Grief Counseling 1382 Jim And then we checked the fax machine.
8127 3 4 Grief Counseling 1382 Karen Yeah, nothing there.
8128 3 4 Grief Counseling 1382 Andy Did you check your... butt?
8129 3 4 Grief Counseling 1383 Michael Oohh... can you imagine how much blood there was? If it happened right here, it would reach all the way to reception. Probably get on Pam.
8130 3 4 Grief Counseling 1383 Phyllis Okay that's enough.
8131 3 4 Grief Counseling 1383 Michael What?
8132 3 4 Grief Counseling 1383 Stanley We do not wanna hear about this.
8133 3 4 Grief Counseling 1383 Michael Well, you know what? I didn't wanna hear about it either, Stanley, but I did and now I can't stop picturing it. He leaves work, he's on his way home... wham! His cappa is detated from his head!
8134 3 4 Grief Counseling 1383 Stanley You have just spit on my face.
8135 3 4 Grief Counseling 1383 Michael Well, you know what? There's something wrong with you. There is something wrong with everybody in here. Because we have lost a member of our family and you don't wanna talk about it, you don't wanna think about it, you just wanna get back to work!
8136 3 4 Grief Counseling 1384 Michael There are five stages to grief, which are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. And right now, out there, they're all denying the fact that they're sad. And that's hard. And it's making them all angry. And it is my job to try to get them all the way through to acceptance. And if not acceptance, then just depression. If I can get them depressed, then I'll have done my job.
8137 3 4 Grief Counseling 1385 Michael I am going to throw you this ball. When you catch the ball, I want you to say the name of a person very important to you, somebody really special who died, and then I want you to say how they died, and you may cry if you like, that is encouraged. Let me just start. Let me show you how this works. I catch the ball. I lost Ed Truck. And... it feels like somebody took my heart and dropped it into a bucket of boiling tears... and at the same time, somebody else is hitting my soul in the crotch with a frozen sledgehammer... and then a third guy walks in and starts punching me in the grief bone... and I'm crying, and nobody can hear me, because I am terribly, terribly... terribly alone.
8138 3 4 Grief Counseling 1385 Roy Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt, uh, I need to see Pam. There seems to be, like, something wrong with the radiator in her car.
8139 3 4 Grief Counseling 1385 Michael Okay, fine. Hurry back.
8140 3 4 Grief Counseling 1385 Roy There's nothing wrong with your car. I just thought you might like a break from the "grief counseling" session.
8141 3 4 Grief Counseling 1385 Pam Oh. I would like a break.
8142 3 4 Grief Counseling 1386 Roy How are you likin' the new car?
8143 3 4 Grief Counseling 1386 Pam Great.
8144 3 4 Grief Counseling 1386 Roy Yeah? Sure is small. Got airbags?
8145 3 4 Grief Counseling 1386 Pam I think so. I don't know, I was mainly focused on the cup holders.
8146 3 4 Grief Counseling 1386 Roy Well, you're not still driving so fast, are you? Yeah.
8147 3 4 Grief Counseling 1387 Jim Hi, yeah. This is Mike from the West Side Market. Well, we get a shipment of Herr's salt and vinegar chips, and we ordered that about three weeks ago and haven't ... . yeah. You have 'em in the warehouse. Great. What is my store number... six. Wait, no. I'll call you back. Shut up .
8148 3 4 Grief Counseling 1387 Karen Six?
8149 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Michael Okay, we can start. Um...
8150 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Pam You waited for me?
8151 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Michael Yeah. Pam, you're a member of this family. So we will wait for our family members. Phyllis, you wanna give it a shot?
8152 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Dwight I got it. When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered, that I had resorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No. I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.
8153 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Michael Okay, why don't you throw the ball to somebody else.
8154 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Stanley Nope.
8155 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Michael Oh, yes Stanley. Come on. Your turn, you have to go.
8156 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Stanley I will NOT.
8157 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Michael Okay... I'm going to toss the ball to Pam.
8158 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Pam Let's see. I had an aunt that I was really close to. She was this amazing female boxer. Um, anyway, she was injured in a fight, and she was paralyzed. So, you can imagine how upset I was when I found out that she asked her manager to remove her breathing tube so she could die.
8159 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Michael Wow. If you wanna cry, that's okay.
8160 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Ryan Thanks. Um, a few years ago, my family was on a safari in Africa and, um, my cousin, Mufasa was um, he was trampled to death by a pack of wildebeests and, um, we all... took it really hard. All of us kind of in the audience of what happened.
8161 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Michael Do you want to talk about it anymore?
8162 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Ryan Oh, it would probably take me like an hour and a half to tell that whole story.
8163 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Kevin Me, me, me, me, me me. Yes. Okay, um. I was trying to throw this party once. And everyone was over for the weekend. And then my uncle Bernie died, and so me and my best friend, we had to pretend like he was alive, so...
8164 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Michael Wait a second. That's Weekend at Bernie's. Do you think that this is a game?
8165 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Phyllis Well, there is a ball.
8166 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Michael All right, we're starting over.
8167 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Stanley No, I'm done.
8168 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Michael You are not leaving. No! We are not done.
8169 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Angela We really have a lot of work to do right now.
8170 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Michael Yeah. Well, you know what? The guy who had my job has died. And nobody cares! And he sat at my desk.
8171 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Toby Michael, look. I know this is hard for you, but death's just a part of life. I mean, just this morning I saw a little bird fly into the glass doors downstairs and die. And I had to keep going.
8172 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Michael How do you know?
8173 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Toby What?
8174 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Michael That that bird was dead? Did you check its breathing?
8175 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Toby It was obvious...
8176 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Michael Was its heart beating, Toby? Did you check it? No, of course you didn't. You're not a veterinarian. You don't know ANYTHING!
8177 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Dwight Michael! Michael. Michael ...
8178 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Michael Oh, God!
8179 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Dwight Oh...
8180 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Michael Oh my God! Oh my God, come on ...
8181 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Dwight Poor little fella.
8182 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Michael Oh shhhh--oot!
8183 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Dwight He is a goner.
8184 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Michael No, he's not.
8185 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Dwight Yeah.
8186 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Michael No, he's not.
8187 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Dwight Michael, get him away from your head! He is covered in germs and bacteria!
8188 3 4 Grief Counseling 1388 Michael Well, you can't get diseases from a bird!
8189 3 4 Grief Counseling 1389 Angela A dead bird should not be in the kitchen!
8190 3 4 Grief Counseling 1389 Michael We don't know if it's dead.
8191 3 4 Grief Counseling 1389 Dwight You want me to flush him?
8192 3 4 Grief Counseling 1390 Michael Attention everybody. This will only take a second of your time. Today at 4 p.m. we will be meeting in the parking lot to have a funeral service for this bird.
8193 3 4 Grief Counseling 1390 Meredith I have a lot of work to do.
8194 3 4 Grief Counseling 1390 Michael Well, I'm sorry to inconvenience you, Meredith. But that is what you do when things die. You honor them. Toby killed this bird. And now we are going to honor it.
8195 3 4 Grief Counseling 1390 Angela But...
8196 3 4 Grief Counseling 1390 Michael No, no, no! That's enough! You know what? This bird is dead. He died alone. The least you can do is be there for him now. Find a box for him.
8197 3 4 Grief Counseling 1391 Karen I'm calling a supermarket in Montreal.
8198 3 4 Grief Counseling 1391 Jim Nice!
8199 3 4 Grief Counseling 1391 Karen Bonjour. Je cherche des tchips de la marque Herr's. Non? Ah... merci quand meme. Au revoir.
8200 3 4 Grief Counseling 1391 Jim Sounded good.
8201 3 4 Grief Counseling 1391 Karen Thanks.
8202 3 4 Grief Counseling 1392 Michael It's okay. It's okay. Shh... yes, I know, I know. It's been a tough day, but it's good to let it show.
8203 3 4 Grief Counseling 1392 Kelly I mean, how many times to I have to confirm with Ryan for him to know that we have a date tonight?
8204 3 4 Grief Counseling 1393 Dwight Argh... gah!
8205 3 4 Grief Counseling 1393 Michael What are... What are you doing?
8206 3 4 Grief Counseling 1393 Dwight What? No, this is about the right size.
8207 3 4 Grief Counseling 1393 Michael No, God, no it's not! What is the matter with you? Is that the beak!?
8208 3 4 Grief Counseling 1394 Dwight I'm sorry, I grew up on a farm. We slaughtered a pig whenever we wanted bacon. My grandfather was reburied in an old oil drum. It would have fit if he had given me another minute.
8209 3 4 Grief Counseling 1395 Dwight I need a box. I need a box. A small box... not too confining.
8210 3 4 Grief Counseling 1395 Pam Is it for the bird?
8211 3 4 Grief Counseling 1395 Dwight Yeah.
8212 3 4 Grief Counseling 1395 Pam I have it covered.
8213 3 4 Grief Counseling 1395 Dwight Oh, thank you.
8214 3 4 Grief Counseling 1395 Pam If you wanna do something for the funeral...
8215 3 4 Grief Counseling 1395 Dwight Yes, please.
8216 3 4 Grief Counseling 1395 Pam Maybe you could play a song on your recorder.
8217 3 4 Grief Counseling 1395 Dwight Excellent.
8218 3 4 Grief Counseling 1395 Pam Do you have it with you?
8219 3 4 Grief Counseling 1395 Dwight Always.
8220 3 4 Grief Counseling 1396 Pam Did I wake up this morning thinking I'd be throwing together a bird funeral? You never can tell what your day here is gonna turn into.
8221 3 4 Grief Counseling 1397 Karen Where'd you find them?
8222 3 4 Grief Counseling 1397 Jim Where'd I find what?
8223 3 4 Grief Counseling 1398 Jim I called the manufacturer, who referred me to distributor, who referred me to the vending machine company, who told me that they sell them in the machines in the building next door.
8224 3 4 Grief Counseling 1399 Michael Glad you could all make it.
8225 3 4 Grief Counseling 1399 Kelly You told us we had to.
8226 3 4 Grief Counseling 1399 Michael Dwight, do you have the box?
8227 3 4 Grief Counseling 1399 Pam Actually, I have it.
8228 3 4 Grief Counseling 1399 Michael You made this? Wow. That's... that's very nice.
8229 3 4 Grief Counseling 1400 Pam I'd also like to say a few words if that's okay.
8230 3 4 Grief Counseling 1400 Michael Yes.
8231 3 4 Grief Counseling 1400 Pam What do we know about this bird? You might think, "Not much. It's just a bird." But we do know some things. We know it was a local bird. Maybe it's that same bird that surprised Oscar that one morning with a special present from above.
8232 3 4 Grief Counseling 1400 Kevin Oh, I remember that. That was SO funny.
8233 3 4 Grief Counseling 1400 Pam And we know how he died. Flying into the glass doors. But you know what? I don't think he was being stupid. I think he just really, really wanted to come inside our building to spread his cheer and lift our spirits with a song.
8234 3 4 Grief Counseling 1400 Dwight He's not a songbird.
8235 3 4 Grief Counseling 1400 Michael Shhh.
8236 3 4 Grief Counseling 1400 Pam An impression, then. Lastly, we can't help but notice that he was by himself when he died, but of course, we all know that doesn't mean he was alone. Because I'm sure that there were lots of other birds out there who cared for him very much. He will not be forgotten.
8237 3 4 Grief Counseling 1400 Angela Amen.
8238 3 4 Grief Counseling 1400 Pam Just smile for me and let the day begin. You are the sunshine that lights my heart within... on the wings of love ...
8239 3 4 Grief Counseling 1401 Michael Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that's baloney, because grief isn't wrong. There is such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.
8240 3 4 Grief Counseling 1402 Dwight Let's get back to work.
8241 3 5 Initiation 1403 Dwight Brain teaser. I have two coins totaling 15 cents and one of them is not a nickel. What are they?
8242 3 5 Initiation 1403 Ryan A dime and a nickel.
8243 3 5 Initiation 1403 Dwight No, I said one of them is not a nickel.
8244 3 5 Initiation 1403 Ryan But the other one is. I've heard that before.
8245 3 5 Initiation 1403 Dwight Ok. A man and his son get into a car accident. They are rushed to the hospital. The doctor says, there is no way I can operate on this boy, ...
8246 3 5 Initiation 1403 Ryan Because he's my son. The doctor is the boy's mother.
8247 3 5 Initiation 1403 Dwight A man is found hanging from the ceiling...
8248 3 5 Initiation 1403 Ryan He stepped on a block of ice, hung himself, and the ice melted.
8249 3 5 Initiation 1403 Dwight A hunter.
8250 3 5 Initiation 1403 Ryan It's a polar bear because you're at the North Pole.
8251 3 5 Initiation 1403 Dwight Damn it!
8252 3 5 Initiation 1404 Jan Tell me what you did yesterday.
8253 3 5 Initiation 1404 Michael Uhhh... nothing.
8254 3 5 Initiation 1404 Jan Nothing?
8255 3 5 Initiation 1404 Michael Yeah, nothing. How was your day?
8256 3 5 Initiation 1404 Jan I don't care how your day was Michael.
8257 3 5 Initiation 1404 Michael Wow. Well. Ok. I don't care how your day was either, Jan. I was just asking you because you asked me. Why do you set me up like that?
8258 3 5 Initiation 1404 Jan Tell me what you did yesterday.
8259 3 5 Initiation 1404 Michael I worked. And then I went home to my condo. And Carol came over. And then we had s*x. Is that what you want to hear?
8260 3 5 Initiation 1405 Michael Never ever, ever sleep with your boss. I am so lucky that Jan and I only got to second base.
8261 3 5 Initiation 1406 Jan Hi, Pam.
8262 3 5 Initiation 1406 Pam Hi.
8263 3 5 Initiation 1406 Jan I'm great. So, Pam I would like you to keep a log of everything Michael does hour by hour so we can analyze it at corporate. Ok?
8264 3 5 Initiation 1406 Pam Oh, I don't know if I'm...
8265 3 5 Initiation 1406 Jan Thanks Pam.
8266 3 5 Initiation 1407 Pam It's weird. Jan use to treat Michael like he was a ten year old, but lately it's like he's five.
8267 3 5 Initiation 1408 Dwight So you excited?
8268 3 5 Initiation 1408 Ryan Yeah.
8269 3 5 Initiation 1408 Dwight Very excited?
8270 3 5 Initiation 1408 Ryan Yes. I'm very excited.
8271 3 5 Initiation 1408 Dwight Extremely excited? ... Just very? That's cool.
8272 3 5 Initiation 1409 Ryan I have spent a year here. I have to commit or get out. Dwight's the top salesman in the company and he's taking me on my first sales call today. And, um, I'm excited.
8273 3 5 Initiation 1410 Dwight I am very excited. Ryan hasn't made a sale yet, but more importantly, he hasn't made an ally yet. Is he going to be a slacker-loser-wise-ass like Jim was? Or is he going to join the Dwight Army of Champions?
8274 3 5 Initiation 1411 Ryan So what if they're not talking much, then does it makes sense to kind of lead the conversation? You know, just 'till it gets to a point where they are asking questions? So where's the sales office?
8275 3 5 Initiation 1411 Dwight When you are ready to see the sales office, the sales office will present itself to you. Your journey begins now.
8276 3 5 Initiation 1412 Karen Hey.
8277 3 5 Initiation 1412 Jim What?
8278 3 5 Initiation 1412 Karen My chair is squeaking.
8279 3 5 Initiation 1412 Jim Is it?
8280 3 5 Initiation 1412 Karen You took my chair.
8281 3 5 Initiation 1412 Jim No, I didn't. I took back my chair that you took from me, but I didn't take your chair.
8282 3 5 Initiation 1412 Karen When you get up, I'm just going to take it back anyway, so...
8283 3 5 Initiation 1412 Jim So I guess I can't get up.
8284 3 5 Initiation 1413 Michael Hey Koselli, the Kos. Cosby. Hey hey hey. I love Jello Pudding Pops. My son, Theo, loves Jello Pudding Pops too.
8285 3 5 Initiation 1414 Dwight Do you know where we are, temp?
8286 3 5 Initiation 1414 Ryan I know where we're not.
8287 3 5 Initiation 1414 Dwight I hold in my hand, a beet seed. Take it. AH! When... Damn it.
8288 3 5 Initiation 1415 Andy Hey, Big Tuna, can I talk to you for a second.
8289 3 5 Initiation 1415 Jim Sure.
8290 3 5 Initiation 1415 Andy Can you stand up? And talk to me over there?
8291 3 5 Initiation 1415 Karen That's it? That's what you came up with?
8292 3 5 Initiation 1415 Andy I'm acting my heart out here.
8293 3 5 Initiation 1415 Karen Really?
8294 3 5 Initiation 1415 Andy Yeah, really. You asked for my help, so I helped.
8295 3 5 Initiation 1416 Announcer Attention Scranton Business Park, there will be complimentary pretzels in the lobby from now until 4 o'clock as a thank you to our loyal tenants.
8296 3 5 Initiation 1417 Pam Once a year they bring in a little cart and they give away free pretzels. It's really not a big deal. To some people it is.
8297 3 5 Initiation 1418 Michael Productivity is important but how can I be productive if I have this one little thing in my brain? That I cannot get out. And that one little thing is a soft pretzel. So I'm just going to have my soft pretzel, then I'll get to work, and I'll be super productive. Look out for me.
8298 3 5 Initiation 1419 Michael Oh, shhh... Come on.
8299 3 5 Initiation 1420 Dwight And just as you have planted your seed in the ground, I'm going to plant my seed in you.
8300 3 5 Initiation 1420 Ryan I don't think you know what you're saying.
8301 3 5 Initiation 1420 Dwight Smells pretty bad, doesn't it?
8302 3 5 Initiation 1420 Ryan Uh huh.
8303 3 5 Initiation 1420 Dwight It's called bull crap and a client can smell it from a mile away.
8304 3 5 Initiation 1420 Ryan Gotcha.
8305 3 5 Initiation 1420 Dwight Oh hey, I forgot something in my car. I'll be right back.
8306 3 5 Initiation 1420 Ryan Ok. Of course.
8307 3 5 Initiation 1421 Stanley I wake up every morning in a bed that's too small, drive my daughter to a school that's too expensive, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little, but on Pretzel Day? Well, I like pretzel day.
8308 3 5 Initiation 1422 Kelly Because they acted all tough and everything...
8309 3 5 Initiation 1422 Michael Uh huh.
8310 3 5 Initiation 1422 Kelly But what they were rapping about was cupcakes and the Chronicles of Narnia. God. Who invented cupcakes, right? I want to...
8311 3 5 Initiation 1422 Michael Hey, hey, hey! Phyllis, what are you doing?
8312 3 5 Initiation 1422 Phyllis I'm just saying hi to Bob.
8313 3 5 Initiation 1422 Michael No, I think you're cutting in line.
8314 3 5 Initiation 1422 Bob Vance Well settle down, Scott.
8315 3 5 Initiation 1422 Michael No, I'm not going to settle down.
8316 3 5 Initiation 1422 Stanley No way.
8317 3 5 Initiation 1422 Michael Get in the back please.
8318 3 5 Initiation 1422 Stanley Boooooo. Booooo. Back of the line.
8319 3 5 Initiation 1422 Michael Boooooo. Thank you. . That's right.
8320 3 5 Initiation 1422 Bob Vance What a pair of Mary's.
8321 3 5 Initiation 1422 Stanley This is Pretzel Day.
8322 3 5 Initiation 1423 Ryan Hey Dwight, you're a great salesman. Can you teach me? Sure, Ryan. I'll make you the ole commodor. I'll abandon you in a beet field. Huh. That sounds great, Dwight, I'll really appreciate that. Thank you so much for your mentorship.
8323 3 5 Initiation 1423 Dwight Congratulations resourceful salesman. You have passed the second challenge. Welcome to Schrute Farm.
8324 3 5 Initiation 1424 Jim Love me, love me, say that you love me, fool me, fool me,
8325 3 5 Initiation 1424 Karen stop.
8326 3 5 Initiation 1424 Jim Go on and fool me. Love me, love me, say that you love me
8327 3 5 Initiation 1424 Karen This is not fair, this is going to be in my head all day. Please.
8328 3 5 Initiation 1424 Jim fool me, fool me, go on and fool me. Love me,
8329 3 5 Initiation 1424 Karen This is not a proportionate response.
8330 3 5 Initiation 1424 Jim Love me, say that you love me. Fool me, fool me, go on and fool me.
8331 3 5 Initiation 1425 Andy I don't care 'bout anything but you... what ever happened to those guys?
8332 3 5 Initiation 1426 Pam Michael.
8333 3 5 Initiation 1426 Michael No cuts. Oh, Pam. Just the woman I'd like to see. You read my mind.
8334 3 5 Initiation 1426 Pam Great! I thought you could use this time to authorize some checks.
8335 3 5 Initiation 1426 Michael I thought that maybe you could wait in line for me while I go to the bathroom. You're an angel.
8336 3 5 Initiation 1426 Pam Hey, why don't you just go up to your office, get some work done, and I'll just bring you a pretzel.
8337 3 5 Initiation 1426 Michael Because I like them a certain way, and if it gets screwed up, then whole thing is blown.
8338 3 5 Initiation 1426 Pam You know, I just think it's really important that you be productive today.
8339 3 5 Initiation 1426 Michael Pam, productivity starts with patience and determination. I'll be back.
8340 3 5 Initiation 1427 Dwight It is time for your next test. You have planted the beet seed. You have walked the long lonely walk of loneliness.
8341 3 5 Initiation 1427 Ryan Look man, I was in a frat in college. So I know what you're doing. I get it.
8342 3 5 Initiation 1427 Dwight You know what your problem is? You know why you haven't made any sales? Cause you think you know everything. You have to trust that maybe there are other people that can teach you things. Are you ready to learn? Are you ready for the final test?
8343 3 5 Initiation 1427 Ryan Yeah.
8344 3 5 Initiation 1427 Dwight Come on!
8345 3 5 Initiation 1428 Stanley Thank you!
8346 3 5 Initiation 1428 Michael Hi. Please tell me that you have a sweet pretzel left.
8347 3 5 Initiation 1428 Pretzel guy We do.
8348 3 5 Initiation 1428 Michael Thank God.
8349 3 5 Initiation 1428 Pretzel guy And we have 18 different toppings. We have sweet glaze, cinnamon sugar, chocolate, white chocolate, fudge, M&M's, caramel dip, mint chip, chocolate chip, marshmallow, nuts, toffee nuts, coconuts, peanut butter drizzle, Oreos, sprinkles, cotton candy bits, and powdered sugar.
8350 3 5 Initiation 1428 Michael Is there anyway that you could do all, all of them?
8351 3 5 Initiation 1428 Pretzel guy The Works. You got it.
8352 3 5 Initiation 1428 Michael All right! Thank you!
8353 3 5 Initiation 1429 Dwight Please be seated.
8354 3 5 Initiation 1429 Ryan Who was that?
8355 3 5 Initiation 1429 Dwight Pay no attention to the spirits that haunt this hallowed ground.
8356 3 5 Initiation 1429 Ryan Is that your Cousin Mose?
8357 3 5 Initiation 1429 Dwight Yes.
8358 3 5 Initiation 1430 Dwight Mose is my cousin and he lives here. He will always be my best friend. Unless things go well with Ryan today in which case, I won't hang out with Mose so much anymore.
8359 3 5 Initiation 1431 Dwight What is the greatest danger facing Dunder Mifflin?
8360 3 5 Initiation 1431 Ryan Outsourcing and consolidation of competition.
8361 3 5 Initiation 1431 Dwight Wrong. Flash floods. What is the true cause of Robert Mifflin's suicide?
8362 3 5 Initiation 1431 Ryan Depression?
8363 3 5 Initiation 1431 Dwight Wrong. He hated himself. What is the DHARMA initiative?
8364 3 5 Initiation 1432 Kelly I can't believe that Ryan is not back yet. Where could they be?
8365 3 5 Initiation 1432 Angela Sales take a long time.
8366 3 5 Initiation 1432 Kelly Oh my God, I'm so worried.
8367 3 5 Initiation 1432 Angela I'm sure Dwight will protect him.
8368 3 5 Initiation 1432 Kelly I don't know. Dwight's so weird.
8369 3 5 Initiation 1432 Angela He's not weird, he's just individualistic.
8370 3 5 Initiation 1432 Kelly No, he's a freak.
8371 3 5 Initiation 1432 Angela You're a freak!
8372 3 5 Initiation 1433 Dwight Final question, young Ryan Howard. What is Michael Scott's greatest fear?
8373 3 5 Initiation 1433 Ryan Um, loneliness. Maybe women.
8374 3 5 Initiation 1433 Dwight Wrong. He's not afraid of anything. Also, I would have accepted snakes. Fear is what it's all about. You cannot sell while undergoing fear. You need to vanquish fear! One must wrestle fear to the ground. You will now wrestle my cousin Mose.
8375 3 5 Initiation 1433 Ryan No. Ok. All right. All right. It's over. This is over. OK.
8376 3 5 Initiation 1433 Dwight Wrestle him to the ground.
8377 3 5 Initiation 1433 Ryan No, you're a freak. I'm not doing this anymore. This is over. Goodbye.
8378 3 5 Initiation 1433 Dwight Ryan. Don't. Ryan! You don't have to wrestle him. Just get in the coffin. Ryan?
8379 3 5 Initiation 1433 Cousin Mose Bye, Ryan. He seemed nice.
8380 3 5 Initiation 1433 Dwight Where are all the animals?
8381 3 5 Initiation 1434 Dwight Ryan, come on. I am sorry. I am sorry. Mose is sorry too. Look, he sent over a basket with eggs and some fat back bacon. And look, something he whittled.
8382 3 5 Initiation 1435 Dwight You still mad? It's just Jim and I didn't get along, and I didn't want it to be that way again. You know, I wanted us to be a team. An unstoppable team that competed against other teams.
8383 3 5 Initiation 1435 Ryan Look, that, that's not what I wanted, ok. I just wanted to go on a sales call.
8384 3 5 Initiation 1435 Dwight Screwgun. The sales call!
8385 3 5 Initiation 1436 Kevin Hey! Hey!
8386 3 5 Initiation 1436 Michael Mr. Kosseli. Hey hey hey, the Cos. What's going on? Do we have a deal? Deal or no deal? Let's make a deal. So what is the deal?
8387 3 5 Initiation 1437 Dwight Establish time frames. Keep the phrase "real dollars" in their head. And always keep the power in the conversation. That's why you're losing them on the cold calls. Cause you say the word please too much.
8388 3 5 Initiation 1437 Ryan Wait, can you go back?
8389 3 5 Initiation 1437 Dwight Michael always said, K.I.S.S. Keep it simple, stupid. Great advice, hurts my feelings every time.
8390 3 5 Initiation 1438 Ryan Ok, I'm going to establish time frames.
8391 3 5 Initiation 1438 Dwight Good.
8392 3 5 Initiation 1438 Ryan I'm going to put everything in terms of "real dollars".
8393 3 5 Initiation 1438 Dwight Right.
8394 3 5 Initiation 1438 Ryan I'm going to ask a lot of questions that all have sort of positive answers.
8395 3 5 Initiation 1438 Dwight Uh huh.
8396 3 5 Initiation 1438 Ryan Saying, that would be better, or we would like that. That sort of thing.
8397 3 5 Initiation 1438 Dwight Exactly. Yes.
8398 3 5 Initiation 1438 Ryan I'm going to try to be confident, but not cocky.
8399 3 5 Initiation 1439 Michael Oh! Hey! Everyone, I am officially streamlining the efficiency of this corporation. Second...
8400 3 5 Initiation 1439 Toby Second?
8401 3 5 Initiation 1439 Michael Yes, second, Toby. Second, I am insisting on increased accountability from every single one of you.
8402 3 5 Initiation 1439 Kevin Account...? Michael, what is going on?
8403 3 5 Initiation 1439 Michael And I will be taking questions.
8404 3 5 Initiation 1439 Pam Did you have a lot of sugar today, Michael?
8405 3 5 Initiation 1439 Phyllis What's on your suit?
8406 3 5 Initiation 1439 Michael Carmel Dip. But, one question at a time please. Phyllis, Stanley. I want you to switch desks, I'm going to reorganize and restructure the physical layout of the office to maximize everything! I think we're getting a lot done, don't you? On paper at least. And we are, after all, a paper company. Are we not, are we not, are we not? Are you with me, are you with me? Thank you very much!
8407 3 5 Initiation 1440 Ryan They really didn't like me.
8408 3 5 Initiation 1440 Dwight They did not. They didn't have to say it to your face.
8409 3 5 Initiation 1440 Ryan I don't get it. I don't get what I did wrong.
8410 3 5 Initiation 1440 Dwight Not everything's a lesson, Ryan. Sometimes you just fail. It's those online paper jerks. The whole business is changing. You know what? They're going to be screwed once this whole internet fad is over. What are you doing? Oh no no no no! Ryan! Yes! Ryan the temp! Come on! Courtesy of Dunder Mifflin. Come on! Drive.
8411 3 5 Initiation 1440 Ryan You drive.
8412 3 5 Initiation 1441 Pam Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Oh, hi Jan. He's, uh, on a sales call. No message? Bye, Jan.
8413 3 5 Initiation 1442 Dwight Temp! Temp! Temp! Temp! Ryan! Ryan! Ryan! Ryan! Yes! Just think, that temp agency could have sent you anywhere.
8414 3 5 Initiation 1442 Ryan I think about that all the time.
8415 3 5 Initiation 1443 Kevin Night, Pam.
8416 3 5 Initiation 1443 Pam Night.
8417 3 5 Initiation 1443 Michael Hey, what time is it?
8418 3 5 Initiation 1443 Pam 20 past 5.
8419 3 5 Initiation 1443 Michael AM or PM?
8420 3 5 Initiation 1443 Pam PM.
8421 3 5 Initiation 1443 Michael Oh, good.
8422 3 5 Initiation 1443 Pam These came for you. Contracts? Brent Koselli?
8423 3 5 Initiation 1443 Michael Oh. Koselli. With the Jello.
8424 3 5 Initiation 1443 Pam This is a huge sale.
8425 3 5 Initiation 1443 Michael Yes. Right. Good.
8426 3 5 Initiation 1443 Pam Night, Michael.
8427 3 5 Initiation 1443 Michael Goodnight!
8428 3 5 Initiation 1443 Pam Dunder Mifflin.
8429 3 5 Initiation 1443 Jim Ah, hey.
8430 3 5 Initiation 1443 Pam Oh my God.
8431 3 5 Initiation 1443 Jim Hi.
8432 3 5 Initiation 1443 Pam Hi.
8433 3 5 Initiation 1443 Jim Sorry, I forgot Kevin's extension. It's a fantasy football thing.
8434 3 5 Initiation 1443 Pam Oh.
8435 3 5 Initiation 1443 Jim And I was just going to go through the system cause I didn't think you'd be there. Why, why are you still there?
8436 3 5 Initiation 1443 Pam I had to work late. Jan's making me keep a log of everything Michael does all day.
8437 3 5 Initiation 1443 Jim Wow. Do you think you could send me a copy of that?
8438 3 5 Initiation 1443 Pam Yeah, totally. So...
8439 3 5 Initiation 1443 Jim So...
8440 3 5 Initiation 1443 Pam Do you...
8441 3 5 Initiation 1443 Jim Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead.
8442 3 5 Initiation 1443 Pam Uh, no, I um. Everything's pretty much the same here.
8443 3 5 Initiation 1443 Jim Oh, good.
8444 3 5 Initiation 1443 Pam A little different. What time is it there?
8445 3 5 Initiation 1443 Jim What time is it here? Um, we're in the same time zone.
8446 3 5 Initiation 1443 Pam Oh, yeah. Right.
8447 3 5 Initiation 1443 Jim How far away did you think we were?
8448 3 5 Initiation 1443 Pam I don't know. It felt far.
8449 3 5 Initiation 1443 Jim Yeah. I have a question for you.
8450 3 5 Initiation 1443 Pam What?
8451 3 5 Initiation 1443 Jim How many words per minute does the average person type?
8452 3 5 Initiation 1443 Pam I type 90.
8453 3 5 Initiation 1443 Jim Shut up. Mavis Beacon doesn't even type 90.
8454 3 5 Initiation 1443 Pam It's true.
8455 3 5 Initiation 1443 Jim Ok, I said average.
8456 3 5 Initiation 1443 Pam 70? How many do you type?
8457 3 5 Initiation 1443 Jim Forget it. I was just about to brag but forget it.
8458 3 5 Initiation 1443 Pam Come on. Tell me.
8459 3 5 Initiation 1443 Jim No.
8460 3 5 Initiation 1443 Pam You have to tell me now.
8461 3 5 Initiation 1443 Jim 65. Ok, no need to laugh.
8462 3 5 Initiation 1443 Pam No, it's, that's respectable.
8463 3 5 Initiation 1443 Jim Respectable?
8464 3 5 Initiation 1444 Pam So ok. I'm watching the movie, by myself...
8465 3 5 Initiation 1444 Jim Right.
8466 3 5 Initiation 1444 Pam Because I just wanted a relaxing evening at home...
8467 3 5 Initiation 1444 Jim Ok.
8468 3 5 Initiation 1444 Pam And, I'm freaking out.
8469 3 5 Initiation 1444 Jim Yeah.
8470 3 5 Initiation 1444 Pam That movie is so scary!
8471 3 5 Initiation 1444 Jim I know!
8472 3 5 Initiation 1444 Pam But I'm holding on because I keep waiting for Sandra Bullock to show up.
8473 3 5 Initiation 1444 Jim No way. How do you confuse 28 Days with 28 Days Later?
8474 3 5 Initiation 1444 Pam Because I got it at Blockbuster and they don't put the pictures on the box.
8475 3 5 Initiation 1444 Jim No, you're making this up!
8476 3 5 Initiation 1444 Pam Would I make that up?
8477 3 5 Initiation 1444 Jim Yes. Fancy New Beesley would make that up. New apartment, new stories.
8478 3 5 Initiation 1444 Pam Oh, yeah, in my fancy new apartment. I have one bedroom, one bathroom, and a closet.
8479 3 5 Initiation 1444 Jim And how many kitchens?
8480 3 5 Initiation 1444 Pam I have one kitchen.
8481 3 5 Initiation 1444 Jim Wow, you got totally taken for a ride Beesley.
8482 3 5 Initiation 1444 Pam It's actually...
8483 3 5 Initiation 1444 Jim Most apartments these days have like three.
8484 3 5 Initiation 1444 Pam Three kitchens?
8485 3 5 Initiation 1444 Jim Yes! How are you going to cook every meal of the day in one kitchen?
8486 3 5 Initiation 1444 Pam Hey, Ryan, are you ok?
8487 3 5 Initiation 1444 Jim Pam?
8488 3 5 Initiation 1444 Ryan Yeah. Yeah.
8489 3 5 Initiation 1444 Jim Pam?
8490 3 5 Initiation 1444 Pam Um. Ok, bye.
8491 3 5 Initiation 1444 Jim Oh, yeah, I should, I should, I should probably go too.
8492 3 5 Initiation 1444 Pam No, I was um...
8493 3 5 Initiation 1444 Jim Oh, no no.
8494 3 5 Initiation 1444 Pam You have to go?
8495 3 5 Initiation 1444 Jim Yeah, uh, well.
8496 3 5 Initiation 1444 Pam No, I should probably go too.
8497 3 5 Initiation 1444 Jim Ok.
8498 3 5 Initiation 1444 Pam I mean, yeah.
8499 3 5 Initiation 1444 Jim Yeah. Bye Pam.
8500 3 5 Initiation 1444 Pam Bye Jim.
8501 3 5 Initiation 1445 Stanley Three hundred and sixty four days, 'till the next Pretzel Day.
8502 3 6 Diwali 1446 Kelly Here you go.
8503 3 6 Diwali 1446 Michael Nice dress, Ryan.
8504 3 6 Diwali 1446 Kelly It's not a dress. It's a kurta.
8505 3 6 Diwali 1446 Michael OK.
8506 3 6 Diwali 1447 Michael Tonight, one of our most ethnic co-workers, Kelly, has invited us all to a Diwali celebration put on by her community. What is Diwali, you may ask? Well, to have Kelly explain it it's ada blah blah blah, it's so super fun and it's going to be great. Lot of gods with unpronounceable names. Twenty minutes later you find out that is essentially a Hindu Halloween.
8507 3 6 Diwali 1448 Kelly You look so handsome.
8508 3 6 Diwali 1448 Pam Really you do. I love the material.
8509 3 6 Diwali 1448 Kelly I know.
8510 3 6 Diwali 1448 Michael How come you didn't get me one?
8511 3 6 Diwali 1448 Kelly I...
8512 3 6 Diwali 1449 Phyllis Ok, so, between Meredith's Mini-van and if I borrow Bob's Yukon that should fit about twelve people.
8513 3 6 Diwali 1449 Pam I actually might not go. Feeling kind of tired.
8514 3 6 Diwali 1449 Meredith Do you want to make Appletini's and watch 's*x and the City' at my place?
8515 3 6 Diwali 1449 Pam Oh, I don't know. I haven't decided yet.
8516 3 6 Diwali 1450 Kelly I don't get why you won't go. Did I do something wrong? I mean, I thought we were really close friends.
8517 3 6 Diwali 1450 Pam I just feel kind of tired, you know.
8518 3 6 Diwali 1450 Dwight Maybe you've got mono.
8519 3 6 Diwali 1450 Pam Maybe. I just ...I don't really have anyone to go with.
8520 3 6 Diwali 1450 Kelly Well, go with Dwight. He's single, too. Right?
8521 3 6 Diwali 1450 Dwight Yeah, totally single. Hundred percent available.
8522 3 6 Diwali 1451 Kevin Are you guys going to this Indian thing tonight?
8523 3 6 Diwali 1451 Roy I don't know. Who's... uh, who's going?
8524 3 6 Diwali 1451 Kevin Oooh. Do you mean like, is Pam going?
8525 3 6 Diwali 1451 Angela Don't go. They eat monkey brains.
8526 3 6 Diwali 1451 Michael Hey. Hey. Stop that. That is offensive. Indians do not eat monkey brains. And if they do... sign me up... because I am sure that they are very tasty and nutritional.
8527 3 6 Diwali 1452 Michael It's important that this company celebrates its diversity. And you know what, Stanley? Come Kwanzaa time, I have got you covered, baby.
8528 3 6 Diwali 1452 Stanley I don't celebrate Kwanzaa.
8529 3 6 Diwali 1452 Michael Wha? Really? You should! It's fun.
8530 3 6 Diwali 1453 Michael I love the people here. And if there was one thing I di... don't really care for is that they can be terribly, terribly ignorant about other cultures. And I don't want them embarrassing me in front of my girlfriend, Carol.
8531 3 6 Diwali 1454 Michael Diwali is a very important holiday for the Hindus. But, frankly, I'm a little appalled that none of you know very much about Indian culture. So, without further ado, Kelly you are on.
8532 3 6 Diwali 1454 Kelly Um... Diwali is awesome... and there's food... and there's going to be dancing... and... Oh! I got the raddest outfit. It has, um...
8533 3 6 Diwali 1454 Michael Kelly?
8534 3 6 Diwali 1454 Kelly Sparkles...
8535 3 6 Diwali 1454 Michael Um... why don't you tell us a little bit about the origins of the holiday.
8536 3 6 Diwali 1454 Kelly Oh, um... I don't know. It's really old, I think.
8537 3 6 Diwali 1454 Angela How many gods do you have?
8538 3 6 Diwali 1454 Kelly Like hundreds, I think. Maybe more than that.
8539 3 6 Diwali 1454 Angela And that blue busty gal? What's her story?
8540 3 6 Diwali 1454 Kevin She looks like Pam from the neck down.
8541 3 6 Diwali 1454 Dwight Pam wishes. Kelly, I'll take this one. Diwali is a Celebration of the Coronation of the God-King Rama. After his epic battle with Ravana, the Demon King of Lanka. It symbolizes the battle between good and evil...
8542 3 6 Diwali 1454 Michael All right, all right, all right, all right. This isn't 'Lord of the Rings'.
8543 3 6 Diwali 1455 Jim Sorry.
8544 3 6 Diwali 1456 Jim I started biking into work. Josh does it and he lives a lot farther away than I do. And also it saves gas money, keeps me in shape... helps the environment. And now I know it makes me really sweaty for work.
8545 3 6 Diwali 1457 Karen Nice basket.
8546 3 6 Diwali 1457 Jim Thank you.
8547 3 6 Diwali 1458 Michael Now, a lot of people say that Kelly is one in a million and that's true, but it's also not true. Because, frankly, there are literally billions of people just like Kelly in the world. Here are some famous Indians. Subrahmanyan Chandrasekhar. He is a Nobel prize-winning physicist. Impressive. Apu from the Simpsons. Hilarious. Indian. M. Night Shyamalan. 'The Village', 'Unbreakable', 'Sixth Sense', 'Sig... '
8548 3 6 Diwali 1458 Dwight I see dead people.
8549 3 6 Diwali 1458 Michael Okay. Spoiler... alert.
8550 3 6 Diwali 1458 Dwight He was dead the whole time.
8551 3 6 Diwali 1458 Michael Just stop it. What's the... oh, whoa! Where did that come from?
8552 3 6 Diwali 1459 Tony Karen, my chips got stuck in the vending machine again. I need your skinny, little arms.
8553 3 6 Diwali 1459 Karen Oh. Did you shake it?
8554 3 6 Diwali 1459 Tony Yeah, I shook it, I shook it.
8555 3 6 Diwali 1460 Andy We have such a roller coaster thing, Karen and I.
8556 3 6 Diwali 1460 Jim 'Scuse me?
8557 3 6 Diwali 1460 Andy Roller-coastery friendship. Hot. Cold. On again. Off again. Sexual tension filled type of deal. It's very Sam and Diane.
8558 3 6 Diwali 1460 Jim Wow.
8559 3 6 Diwali 1460 Andy From 'Cheers'.
8560 3 6 Diwali 1460 Jim Yup.
8561 3 6 Diwali 1461 Michael And another thing about the Indian people... they love s*x positions. I present to you the Kama Sutra. I mean look at that. Who's seen that before?
8562 3 6 Diwali 1461 Creed I have. That's the 'Union of the Monkey'.
8563 3 6 Diwali 1461 Meredith Oh, that's what they call it.
8564 3 6 Diwali 1461 Kevin This is the best meeting we've ever had.
8565 3 6 Diwali 1461 Michael Thank you, Kevin.
8566 3 6 Diwali 1461 Angela I find this incredibly offensive.
8567 3 6 Diwali 1461 Michael Well, I find it beautiful.
8568 3 6 Diwali 1461 Angela Well, whatever Kelly wants to do in her own house is fine but we shouldn't all be subjected to it.
8569 3 6 Diwali 1461 Michael No...
8570 3 6 Diwali 1461 Toby Actually, she's right. This isn't appropriate. Why don't I take these.
8571 3 6 Diwali 1461 Michael No, You're not going to collect them.
8572 3 6 Diwali 1461 Toby Yes.
8573 3 6 Diwali 1461 Michael No. This is delightful, charming culture.
8574 3 6 Diwali 1462 Michael My Indian Culture Seminar was going great until Toby decided that he was too immature to deal with culturally explicit images. It's just s*x. People... everybody does it. I'm doing it... with Carol! Probably tonight.
8575 3 6 Diwali 1463 Josh All right. Think you guys should be all set. Oh, here's the corporate card for dinner.
8576 3 6 Diwali 1463 Karen Thanks.
8577 3 6 Diwali 1463 Josh And Karen? Let's keep it to twenty dollars a person this time.
8578 3 6 Diwali 1463 Karen Got it.
8579 3 6 Diwali 1464 Jim Once a quarter, the sales staff at this branch has to stay late to do order form consolidation... which, amazingly, is even less interesting than it sounds.
8580 3 6 Diwali 1465 Andy You guys ready to party?
8581 3 6 Diwali 1465 Jim What's that?
8582 3 6 Diwali 1465 Andy I said are you ready TO PARTY!
8583 3 6 Diwali 1466 Phyllis Isn't this fun? Not wearing shoes?
8584 3 6 Diwali 1466 Angela I wish some of us still had our shoes on.
8585 3 6 Diwali 1466 Kevin Stop it. It's a disease! I've told you.
8586 3 6 Diwali 1467 Carol I thought you said this was a costume party!
8587 3 6 Diwali 1467 Michael What does that look like to you?
8588 3 6 Diwali 1467 Carol An Indian woman in a sari.
8589 3 6 Diwali 1467 Michael No one's even going to notice.
8590 3 6 Diwali 1467 Kevin Nice outfit.
8591 3 6 Diwali 1467 Michael Hey, Kevin. It's a costume. Why don't you just cool it, okay? Carol? Carol.
8592 3 6 Diwali 1468 Michael I'll have one of those as well. Thank you very much. Now these are limes, lemons, onions...
8593 3 6 Diwali 1468 Angela I'm a vegetarian. What can I eat?
8594 3 6 Diwali 1468 Server It's all vegetarian.
8595 3 6 Diwali 1468 Angela I'll just have some bread. You used your hands.
8596 3 6 Diwali 1469 Michael Oh, yuck.
8597 3 6 Diwali 1469 Carol What? Too spicy?
8598 3 6 Diwali 1469 Michael No. These s'mores are disgusting.
8599 3 6 Diwali 1469 Carol They're not s'mores. They're samosas.
8600 3 6 Diwali 1469 Michael Do you think they have any s'mores?
8601 3 6 Diwali 1470 Michael All they are is chocolate, graham cracker, and marshmallow. How difficult would that have been?
8602 3 6 Diwali 1471 Ryan So, you're Kelly's sisters, huh?
8603 3 6 Diwali 1471 Girls Kelly Zach Braff
8604 3 6 Diwali 1471 Ryan What?
8605 3 6 Diwali 1471 Kelly Ruka, Nipa, Tiffany. Stop acting like such little losers and just be cool. Come on, Ryan. Come on. Leave him alone. I hate you guys.
8606 3 6 Diwali 1471 Ryan They said something about Zach Braff.
8607 3 6 Diwali 1471 Kelly Don't even listen to them. They're so...
8608 3 6 Diwali 1471 Ryan No, you don't...
8609 3 6 Diwali 1472 Pam Very official.
8610 3 6 Diwali 1473 Pam I decided to come. Uh... I feel a little under-dressed... but at least I'm not dressed like a slutty cheerleader, right? Is that mean?
8611 3 6 Diwali 1474 Dwight Temp! Temp! Pflut! Pflut!
8612 3 6 Diwali 1475 Kelly I don't even want to hear it. Okay. I didn't come this Diwali to get yelled at!
8613 3 6 Diwali 1475 Kelly's Mom Stop it right now. Ryan is a temporary worker, makes no money. Wally is a whole doctor. So handsome.
8614 3 6 Diwali 1475 Kelly Uh... excuse me. I want to get a...
8615 3 6 Diwali 1475 Kelly's Mom He's a perfect match.
8616 3 6 Diwali 1476 Andy Hey, Big Tuna, you ready?
8617 3 6 Diwali 1476 Jim Yep.
8618 3 6 Diwali 1476 Andy One. Two. Three. Shot!
8619 3 6 Diwali 1476 Jim Oh, Holy Mother of God.
8620 3 6 Diwali 1476 Andy Oh, that burns! Golly. Um...
8621 3 6 Diwali 1476 Jim Good.
8622 3 6 Diwali 1476 Karen Ooh.
8623 3 6 Diwali 1477 Overhead Looking so crazy, my baby. I'm not myself lately. I'm foolish. I don't do this. I've been playing myself. Baby I don't care. Cuz your love got the best of me. And baby you're making a fool of me.
8624 3 6 Diwali 1478 Michael Wow, thirty years? And you two only met once before the wedding night?
8625 3 6 Diwali 1478 Kelly's Father Yes.
8626 3 6 Diwali 1478 Michael Wow.
8627 3 6 Diwali 1478 Kelly's Father How long have you been married to the cheerleader?
8628 3 6 Diwali 1478 Michael Oh! She's not a cheerleader. She thought this was a costume party! Um... no, we're not married... yet!
8629 3 6 Diwali 1478 Kelly's Mom She is very fair.
8630 3 6 Diwali 1478 Michael She is. Very fair and very kind. So... um... tell me, is your marriage the kind of thing where when you die she has to throw herself on a fire? No? Okay. It's still very cool. Ok. Thanks!
8631 3 6 Diwali 1479 Andy One. Two. Three. Shot!
8632 3 6 Diwali 1479 Jim Oh.
8633 3 6 Diwali 1480 Carol Are you okay?
8634 3 6 Diwali 1480 Michael I'm going to be. Hi, I'm just going to get this for a sec... just a sec. Um... everyone? I'm sorry, could I have your attention, please. Thank you. Ah-hah... Hi. Sorry. I just have an announcement to make. Um... okay. I have learned a lot about Indian culture tonight. But I have learned even more about love. And I know you're all thinking 'who is this crazy gringo and what is he talking about?' Well, I'm not crazy. Maybe I'm crazy in love. So without further ado, Carol? Carol Stills. I would like you to do me the honor of making me your husband.
8635 3 6 Diwali 1480 Crowd Awww!
8636 3 6 Diwali 1480 Carol Oh, Michael.
8637 3 6 Diwali 1480 Michael What do you say?
8638 3 6 Diwali 1480 Carol Can we talk about this in private?
8639 3 6 Diwali 1480 Michael I didn't hear you.
8640 3 6 Diwali 1480 Carol Can we talk about this in private?
8641 3 6 Diwali 1480 Michael Oh, you've got to be kidding me. Okay.
8642 3 6 Diwali 1481 Michael No. I get it. I get it. You're not ready. We'll wait. This is a classic...
8643 3 6 Diwali 1481 Carol This is the ninth date, Michael.
8644 3 6 Diwali 1481 Michael Yeah, well, but I ... I feel like I've known you many lifetimes. Maybe I'm Hindu after all. Okay, I'm not Hindu, but... Carol. Carol, I just... I feel like... I just like you so much.
8645 3 6 Diwali 1481 Carol I better go. Okay, you can find a way home, all right?
8646 3 6 Diwali 1481 Michael Yes.
8647 3 6 Diwali 1481 Carol Okay.
8648 3 6 Diwali 1481 Michael Ok. Okay. Good night. Hey, you know what? Why don't I come with you. Cause I've got this book called the Kama Sutra.
8649 3 6 Diwali 1481 Carol Okay, good night, Michael.
8650 3 6 Diwali 1481 Michael All right. Good night.
8651 3 6 Diwali 1482 Ryan Well, I was a Temp but I got promoted. So, um... the compensation is a lot more competitive.
8652 3 6 Diwali 1482 Kelly's Mom So you're saving money...
8653 3 6 Diwali 1482 Ryan Yes.
8654 3 6 Diwali 1482 Kelly's Mom ...to start a family and home.
8655 3 6 Diwali 1482 Ryan Oh, um... or travel. And,um... and buy an Xbox.
8656 3 6 Diwali 1482 Kelly's Father Is there anything you wanted to ask us tonight?
8657 3 6 Diwali 1483 Pam Can you believe my boss proposed to his girlfriend in public? That is so Michael.
8658 3 6 Diwali 1483 Young Man Is it? He's really outgoing, huh?
8659 3 6 Diwali 1483 Pam Yeah. Hey, would you excuse me for a second?
8660 3 6 Diwali 1484 Pam It's hot in there. How's the naan?
8661 3 6 Diwali 1484 Angela Dry. You look like you were having fun.
8662 3 6 Diwali 1484 Pam I am. You should come dance with us.
8663 3 6 Diwali 1484 Angela I have to watch our shoes so they don't get stolen. Who were you texting?
8664 3 6 Diwali 1484 Pam No one.
8665 3 6 Diwali 1485 Andy I went to the doctor. I went to the mountains. I looked to the children...
8666 3 6 Diwali 1485 Karen Andy, no acappella.
8667 3 6 Diwali 1485 Andy I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain.
8668 3 6 Diwali 1485 Andy, Jim There's more than one answer to these questions pointing me in a crooked line
8669 3 6 Diwali 1485 Andy Wait, wait.
8670 3 6 Diwali 1485 Andy, Jim the less I seek my source...
8671 3 6 Diwali 1485 Karen Oh, come on, guys. Please.
8672 3 6 Diwali 1485 Andy, Jim the closer I am to fi-i-i-ne. The closer I am to..
8673 3 6 Diwali 1485 Karen It's not good.
8674 3 6 Diwali 1485 Andy, Jim fi-i-i-ine!
8675 3 6 Diwali 1485 Andy TUNA! Are you kidding me!!
8676 3 6 Diwali 1486 Michael Oh, God! Oh. Wow.
8677 3 6 Diwali 1486 Pam Here.
8678 3 6 Diwali 1486 Michael That's so spicy.
8679 3 6 Diwali 1486 Pam Yeah.
8680 3 6 Diwali 1486 Michael Oh. You waiting for a call?
8681 3 6 Diwali 1486 Pam Uh... no.
8682 3 6 Diwali 1486 Michael Wow. Pam. When Carol said 'No.' tonight, I think I finally realized how you must be feeling. We are both the victims of broken engagements.
8683 3 6 Diwali 1486 Pam Well, you were never really engaged.
8684 3 6 Diwali 1486 Michael I was in that marriage arena, though.
8685 3 6 Diwali 1486 Pam Yeah.
8686 3 6 Diwali 1486 Michael Yeah. Uuuuh... well.
8687 3 6 Diwali 1486 Pam I kind of thought something would happen tonight too.
8688 3 6 Diwali 1486 Michael We're so alike. So alike.
8689 3 6 Diwali 1486 Pam What are you doing?
8690 3 6 Diwali 1486 Michael What are you doing?
8691 3 6 Diwali 1486 Pam I'm rejecting your...
8692 3 6 Diwali 1486 Michael I'm... what? I didn't
8693 3 6 Diwali 1486 Pam ...kiss.
8694 3 6 Diwali 1486 Michael Can I have a ride home?
8695 3 6 Diwali 1486 Pam If you sit in the back.
8696 3 6 Diwali 1487 Karen Goodnight, guys.
8697 3 6 Diwali 1487 Jim Can I have a ride, man? I... uh... I have my bike.
8698 3 6 Diwali 1487 Andy No way, dude. I am not driving home. I have brought an inflatable bed for just such occasions. You're welcome to share it though. It's a roomy twin.
8699 3 6 Diwali 1487 Jim Okay.
8700 3 6 Diwali 1488 Jim Oh.
8701 3 6 Diwali 1488 Karen Hey dummy, get in the car!
8702 3 6 Diwali 1488 Jim I'm a drunk driver.
8703 3 6 Diwali 1488 Karen Yes, you are. Here. Let me take that. Just... uh... get in the car.
8704 3 6 Diwali 1488 Jim Man, you can really hold your liquor, Billabelli.
8705 3 6 Diwali 1488 Karen Yeah, you can't.
8706 3 6 Diwali 1488 Jim No kidding. And I am just going to lie down in the back, if that's all right.
8707 3 6 Diwali 1488 Karen Sure. Here's your bag. Just don't puke on anything. You okay?
8708 3 6 Diwali 1488 Jim So good.
8709 3 6 Diwali 1488 Karen Good.
8710 3 6 Diwali 1489 Michael These are not my shoes. This is just like that show 'Taxi Cab Confessions'.
8711 3 6 Diwali 1489 Pam You say one more word; I'm stopping the car.
8712 3 6 Diwali 1489 Michael Sorry.
8713 3 6 Diwali 1490 Michael This is going out to Indians everywhere. It's a tribute to one of the greats... Mr. Adam Sandler. Diwali is a festival of lights. Let me tell you something. Tonight has been one crazy night. So put on your saris, it's time to celebrate Diwali. Everybody looks so jolly. But it's not Christmas, it's Diwali. The goddess of destruction Kali stopped by to celebrate Diwali. Don't invite any zombies to a celebration of Diwali. Along came Polly to have some fun at Diwali. If you're Indian and you love to party, have a happy, happy, happy, happy Diwali. Happy Diwali!
8714 3 7 Branch Closing 1491 Karen Hey.
8715 3 7 Branch Closing 1491 Jim Hey.
8716 3 7 Branch Closing 1491 Karen Who are you faxing so early in the morning?
8717 3 7 Branch Closing 1491 Jim Oh, umm... kinda hard to explain.
8718 3 7 Branch Closing 1492 Jim I don't have a ton of contact with the Scranton branch, but, before I left, I took a box of Dwight's stationery, so, from time to time, I send Dwight faxes. From himself. From the future. "Dwight, at 8 A.M. today, someone poisons the coffee. Do not drink the coffee. More instructions will follow. Cordially, Future Dwight."
8719 3 7 Branch Closing 1493 Dwight No! You'll thank me later.
8720 3 7 Branch Closing 1494 Michael There she is - Jan Levinson. First...
8721 3 7 Branch Closing 1494 Jan Michael.
8722 3 7 Branch Closing 1494 Michael ...thing in the morning. Love to start my morning with a hearty bowl of Jan.
8723 3 7 Branch Closing 1494 Jan Michael.
8724 3 7 Branch Closing 1494 Michael Just call me Levinson in the morning, baby.
8725 3 7 Branch Closing 1494 Jan Michael.
8726 3 7 Branch Closing 1494 Michael Yes.
8727 3 7 Branch Closing 1494 Jan I am here to tell you that we are closing the Scranton branch.
8728 3 7 Branch Closing 1494 Michael I don't understand.
8729 3 7 Branch Closing 1494 Jan The board voted last night to close your branch.
8730 3 7 Branch Closing 1494 Michael On whom's authority?
8731 3 7 Branch Closing 1494 Jan The board's.
8732 3 7 Branch Closing 1494 Michael What?
8733 3 7 Branch Closing 1494 Jan I'm very sorry. I don't relish telling you this. You've been a big part of this company, and the board asked me to thank you for your years of service.
8734 3 7 Branch Closing 1494 Michael You're welcome.
8735 3 7 Branch Closing 1494 Jan A small number of people will be transferred to the Stamford branch, and the rest will be getting severance packages.
8736 3 7 Branch Closing 1494 Michael Am I a small number person or a severance package person?
8737 3 7 Branch Closing 1494 Jan Well, we haven't made final decisions about personnel yet. But you're a severance package person.
8738 3 7 Branch Closing 1494 Michael Oh... Oh, my god. Oh, my god! I don't really get it 'cause we're not doing that bad and our numbers are gonna come up.
8739 3 7 Branch Closing 1494 Jan Well, it's not all about numbers, Michael.
8740 3 7 Branch Closing 1494 Michael Well...
8741 3 7 Branch Closing 1494 Jan It's... it's about talent.
8742 3 7 Branch Closing 1494 Michael Oh, you gotta be... Josh?
8743 3 7 Branch Closing 1494 Jan Our CFO believes that Josh is going to play an important role in our company's future.
8744 3 7 Branch Closing 1494 Michael Oh really, what role is that? King of the stupid universe?
8745 3 7 Branch Closing 1495 Michael It is an outrage, that's all. It's... hey're making a huge, huge mistake. Let's see Josh replace these people. Let's see Josh find another Stanley. You think Stanleys grow on trees? Well they don't. There is no Stanley tree. Do you think the world is crawling with Phyllises? Show me that farm. With Phyllises and Kevins sprouting up all over the place. Ripe for the plucking. Show me that farm.
8746 3 7 Branch Closing 1496 Michael Pictures. Memories. Look at that. They grow up so fast.
8747 3 7 Branch Closing 1497 Dwight Hey stranger.
8748 3 7 Branch Closing 1497 Michael Don't say that. That just sounds weird. Please.
8749 3 7 Branch Closing 1497 Dwight Sorry. I just feel like we haven't talked in awhile.
8750 3 7 Branch Closing 1497 Michael Well... we have nothin to talk about, Dwight. Just do your work ... while you still can.
8751 3 7 Branch Closing 1498 Dwight When you become close with someone, you develop a kind of sixth sense. You can read their moods like a book. And right now, the title of Michael's book is, "Something Weird is Going On." Colon, "What Did Jan Say? The Michael Scott Story. By Michael Scott, with Dwight Schrute."
8752 3 7 Branch Closing 1499 Karen Hey, um... did you hear about your friends in Pennsylvania? Rumor has it that the Scranton Branch is...
8753 3 7 Branch Closing 1499 Jim Really? Wow... that's bad.
8754 3 7 Branch Closing 1499 Andy Um, sorry... the Scranton branch is closing? In your face!
8755 3 7 Branch Closing 1499 Jim Well, I work here now.
8756 3 7 Branch Closing 1499 Andy Mmmm.. suck-ah!
8757 3 7 Branch Closing 1500 Pam Are you okay?
8758 3 7 Branch Closing 1500 Michael Yeah, great! Amazing. Best physical condition of my life.
8759 3 7 Branch Closing 1500 Pam What did Jan want?
8760 3 7 Branch Closing 1500 Michael Nothing. Just checking in. I can't tell you, so...
8761 3 7 Branch Closing 1500 Pam What can't you tell me?
8762 3 7 Branch Closing 1500 Michael Nothing, Pam. What difference does it make? We'll be gone in a couple of weeks anyway.
8763 3 7 Branch Closing 1500 Pam What?!
8764 3 7 Branch Closing 1500 Michael What?
8765 3 7 Branch Closing 1500 Pam You just said that we're gonna be gone...?
8766 3 7 Branch Closing 1500 Michael Do I have any messages?
8767 3 7 Branch Closing 1500 Pam Michael, what's going on?
8768 3 7 Branch Closing 1500 Michael Ok, ok...
8769 3 7 Branch Closing 1501 Michael Listen up, everybody... I have some news. We are screwed. Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton is being shut down.
8770 3 7 Branch Closing 1501 Toby Michael, uh... we shouldn't be talking about this until all the decisions have been made.
8771 3 7 Branch Closing 1501 Michael You knew about this all along, didn't you?
8772 3 7 Branch Closing 1501 Toby Jan told me just a few minutes before she told you.
8773 3 7 Branch Closing 1501 Michael Traitor. You are a traitor.
8774 3 7 Branch Closing 1501 Angela What about us, Michael? Do we still have jobs?
8775 3 7 Branch Closing 1501 Michael I don't know. Probably not. This is the worst.
8776 3 7 Branch Closing 1502 Ryan It makes perfect sense that it would happen today because I just received this in the mail. A thousand business cards with this address and phone number.
8777 3 7 Branch Closing 1503 Angela I don't want to blame anyone in particular. I think everyone's to blame.
8778 3 7 Branch Closing 1504 Kelly If I get to stay and Ryan is laid off, I will kill myself. Like Romeo and Juliet, the Claire Danes one.
8779 3 7 Branch Closing 1505 Andy Stamford, Connecticut! Stamford, Connecticut!
8780 3 7 Branch Closing 1506 Jim I worked in Scranton for a really long time. And uh, it's going to be weird that it's all disappearing. I mean, I always knew that the branch would shut down someday. I just figured it would be because Michael sold the building for some magic beans.
8781 3 7 Branch Closing 1507 Stanley I couldn't be happier. I'm gonna take the severance and retire. My wife and I are gonna travel. I really couldn't be happier.
8782 3 7 Branch Closing 1508 Pam It's a blessing in disguise. Actually, not even in disguise. Sometimes at home, I answer the phone, "Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam." So, maybe that'll stop now.
8783 3 7 Branch Closing 1509 Roy What does that mean?
8784 3 7 Branch Closing 1509 Kevin Well, some of us are fired and a few are going to Connecticut.
8785 3 7 Branch Closing 1510 Roy I don't really want to work here without Pam. You know that Cinderella song, "You Don't Know What You Got (Till It's Gone)"? That pretty much says it better than how I know how to say it... in words.
8786 3 7 Branch Closing 1511 Darryl Hey Mike.
8787 3 7 Branch Closing 1511 Michael Darryl. Noble Darryl.
8788 3 7 Branch Closing 1511 Darryl Look, I heard about the office. Tough break.
8789 3 7 Branch Closing 1511 Michael I know, I know. Well, I'll land on my feet. Don't worry about me.
8790 3 7 Branch Closing 1511 Darryl I wasn't.
8791 3 7 Branch Closing 1511 Michael So, you'll be okay too. You're a warrior. You're smart, capable. You'll find something else and...
8792 3 7 Branch Closing 1511 Darryl Actually, Bob Vance bought out the warehouse. So he's keeping on the whole crew. So, we good.
8793 3 7 Branch Closing 1511 Michael Awesome.
8794 3 7 Branch Closing 1512 Michael This is my house. The CFO is taking away my house and giving it to Josh. And Josh is giving the garage to Bob Vance.
8795 3 7 Branch Closing 1513 Michael All right, listen up. Some of you may have heard some rumors about the branch closing. But, I am not going to take this lying down. I have a plan and I am going to save our jobs. So just hang in there. Let's go.
8796 3 7 Branch Closing 1513 Dwight Yes!
8797 3 7 Branch Closing 1513 Pam Oh, good... you're bringing Dwight.
8798 3 7 Branch Closing 1513 Michael Yes. This might get ugly. I need backup.
8799 3 7 Branch Closing 1514 Dwight What's the plan?
8800 3 7 Branch Closing 1514 Michael Go to New York, confront the CFO, show him he's making a mistake... save the branch.
8801 3 7 Branch Closing 1514 Dwight Can I drive?
8802 3 7 Branch Closing 1514 Michael No... way.
8803 3 7 Branch Closing 1514 Dwight Shotgun!
8804 3 7 Branch Closing 1514 Michael No. There's no one else.
8805 3 7 Branch Closing 1514 Dwight Still.
8806 3 7 Branch Closing 1515 Dwight Thank you very much. Okay, secretary says Wallace is away for the day and won't be coming back into the office.
8807 3 7 Branch Closing 1515 Michael Okay, okay. Um...
8808 3 7 Branch Closing 1515 Dwight But, do not worry. I have his home address right here.
8809 3 7 Branch Closing 1515 Michael Why?
8810 3 7 Branch Closing 1515 Dwight Christmas card list.
8811 3 7 Branch Closing 1515 Michael You sent him cards? You never met him.
8812 3 7 Branch Closing 1515 Dwight But when I do, we'll have something to talk about.
8813 3 7 Branch Closing 1516 Jim Hey, do you have a second?
8814 3 7 Branch Closing 1516 Josh Sure, what's up?
8815 3 7 Branch Closing 1516 Jim I know it's not definite or whatever, but uh, do you know who's coming over here from Scranton?
8816 3 7 Branch Closing 1516 Josh I honestly don't. I don't know.
8817 3 7 Branch Closing 1516 Jim Okay, so is it like sales or... accountants?
8818 3 7 Branch Closing 1516 Josh You know what, Jim, I wouldn't worry about it.
8819 3 7 Branch Closing 1516 Jim What does that mean?
8820 3 7 Branch Closing 1517 Jan Hi.
8821 3 7 Branch Closing 1517 Josh Jan, hey.
8822 3 7 Branch Closing 1517 Jan Oh, good. You're both here. Ready to talk logistics?
8823 3 7 Branch Closing 1518 Ryan I just feel like it could have been something special if we could have kept working together, but I'm gonna go someplace else and you're gonna go someplace else. It just doesn't make sense.
8824 3 7 Branch Closing 1519 Ryan This kinda worked out perfectly for me. I got some good experience. Uh, Michael's gonna write me a great recommendation. And as far as me and Kelly goes, I think it's for the best.
8825 3 7 Branch Closing 1520 Michael Okay, this is it. This is exactly what Michael Moore does, famous documentarian. He goes up to people with a camera and he's like "Why did you do this? Why did you pollute? You are bad. You're a bad person." It's very dramatic. Although, I can't say I was a big fan of 'Bowling for Columbine', because I thought it was going to be a bowling movie, like 'Kingpin'. And it wasn't. It was something else.
8826 3 7 Branch Closing 1521 Jan So, Josh will be running what is now called Dunder-Mifflin ,Northeast, which is all the offices north of Stamford. And Jim, fi you want the job, you'll be his number two.
8827 3 7 Branch Closing 1521 Josh Wow. Uh, sure. Absolutely.
8828 3 7 Branch Closing 1521 Jan Awesome.
8829 3 7 Branch Closing 1521 Josh Excuse me, Jan, I'm sorry... I'm gonna have to stop you there. I, um, will not be taking the job.
8830 3 7 Branch Closing 1521 Jan Wha... excuse... why not?
8831 3 7 Branch Closing 1521 Josh As of today, I have accepted a senior managment position at Staples.
8832 3 7 Branch Closing 1521 Jan Today?
8833 3 7 Branch Closing 1521 Jan You leveraged your new position with us into another offer?
8834 3 7 Branch Closing 1521 Jan Damn it, Josh. This whole restructuring thing was based around keeping you. I...
8835 3 7 Branch Closing 1521 Josh I'm sorry, all right? It's done, it's done.
8836 3 7 Branch Closing 1521 Jan I'm gonna make some calls.
8837 3 7 Branch Closing 1521 Jim Say what you will about Michael Scott, but he would never do that.
8838 3 7 Branch Closing 1522 Dwight So, do you know what you're gonna say when he shows up?
8839 3 7 Branch Closing 1522 Michael I will improvise. I will speak from the heart.
8840 3 7 Branch Closing 1522 Dwight No. Bad idea. You need an attack plan. Here, I'll be him, you be you. Let's practice.
8841 3 7 Branch Closing 1522 Michael All right.
8842 3 7 Branch Closing 1522 Dwight Dum, dum, dum, dum... coming home from work.
8843 3 7 Branch Closing 1522 Michael Excuse me, Mr. Wallace? David Wallace?
8844 3 7 Branch Closing 1522 Dwight Yes? What is the meaning of this?
8845 3 7 Branch Closing 1522 Michael Can you tell us why you are shutting down Scranton and putting 15 people out of work?
8846 3 7 Branch Closing 1522 Dwight Well, the branch is no longer finicially viable. It's simple dollars and cents.
8847 3 7 Branch Closing 1522 Michael Yes, but these are employees, Sir. These are human beings.
8848 3 7 Branch Closing 1522 Dwight Listen, Scott... we're losing money, okay? It's not a charity; it's a business. And it's a dying business.
8849 3 7 Branch Closing 1522 Michael Stop... stop it! Just, okay. He's not going to say any of that.
8850 3 7 Branch Closing 1522 Dwight Whoa hey, why not?
8851 3 7 Branch Closing 1522 Michael Because he'd be intimidated and I, just... let's start again. Just be more scared of me, okay?
8852 3 7 Branch Closing 1522 Dwight Okay.
8853 3 7 Branch Closing 1522 Michael Don't touch me this time.
8854 3 7 Branch Closing 1522 Dwight Dum, dum, dum, du, doy, du, do... coming home from work...
8855 3 7 Branch Closing 1522 Michael Excuse me, Mr. Wallace?
8856 3 7 Branch Closing 1522 Dwight Uh!
8857 3 7 Branch Closing 1523 Jan So... we are still scrambling here. But uh, it looks like Scranton is going to absorb Stamford.
8858 3 7 Branch Closing 1523 Jim Wow.
8859 3 7 Branch Closing 1523 Jan And I know that you just left there a couple of months ago, but we would like to offer you the number two position at that branch.
8860 3 7 Branch Closing 1523 Jim Thank you.
8861 3 7 Branch Closing 1523 Jan Yeah.
8862 3 7 Branch Closing 1523 Jim No, it's just I'm not sure if I um... well to be quite honest with you, Jan, I have a few unpleasant memories of Scranton. And um...
8863 3 7 Branch Closing 1523 Jan Michael.
8864 3 7 Branch Closing 1523 Jim No. No, no. Just um... some personal stuff. And I'm not really ready to revist that, I don't think.
8865 3 7 Branch Closing 1523 Jan Ah. Well, please think about it. And call me. We will do whatever we can to get you to stay.
8866 3 7 Branch Closing 1523 Jim Okay.
8867 3 7 Branch Closing 1524 Phyllis Hey guys. Uh, I'm trying to organize a little group lunch for everybody since you know, we're never gonna see each other again.
8868 3 7 Branch Closing 1524 Kevin Where are we going?
8869 3 7 Branch Closing 1524 Phyllis I thought maybe DJ's.
8870 3 7 Branch Closing 1524 Kevin How about Cugino's?
8871 3 7 Branch Closing 1524 Angela I don't want to go all the way to Dunmore.
8872 3 7 Branch Closing 1524 Kevin How 'bout Cooper's then?
8873 3 7 Branch Closing 1524 Angela No seafood.
8874 3 7 Branch Closing 1524 Kevin But, I don't want to go to DJ's.
8875 3 7 Branch Closing 1524 Angela Oh, now all of a sudden you get picky?
8876 3 7 Branch Closing 1524 Phyllis Okay, forget it.
8877 3 7 Branch Closing 1524 Kevin Hooters?
8878 3 7 Branch Closing 1524 Angela No.
8879 3 7 Branch Closing 1525 Dwight Ah. Here, replinish your fluids.
8880 3 7 Branch Closing 1526 Jan Where's Michael?
8881 3 7 Branch Closing 1526 Pam He's not here. I don't know where he is.
8882 3 7 Branch Closing 1526 Jan Wha... what's going on here?
8883 3 7 Branch Closing 1526 Phyllis We know the branch is closing; Michael told us.
8884 3 7 Branch Closing 1526 Jan Ah, god. Okay. You know what everybody? I'm sure there is a better way to do this but I've drive something like 400 miles today and I'm completely exhausted so I'm just gonna tell you. Your branch is not closing; Stamford is closing. Um, for the time being, it seems that all your jobs are safe.
8885 3 7 Branch Closing 1527 Angela Yes!
8886 3 7 Branch Closing 1527 Kevin Yes!
8887 3 7 Branch Closing 1528 Phyllis Stanley!
8888 3 7 Branch Closing 1529 Pam Is it because of Michael? Did he actually do something?
8889 3 7 Branch Closing 1529 Jan Well, reasons are not important. Would you just call him, please? Wherever he is... and tell him.
8890 3 7 Branch Closing 1529 Pam Sure, uh, Jan... um, do you know, is anyone coming back to Scranton?
8891 3 7 Branch Closing 1529 Jan Back?
8892 3 7 Branch Closing 1529 Pam Coming to Scranton. Is anyone coming to Scranton?
8893 3 7 Branch Closing 1529 Jan Uh, we don't know. Probably. A few.
8894 3 7 Branch Closing 1530 Dwight who is it?
8895 3 7 Branch Closing 1530 Michael The office.
8896 3 7 Branch Closing 1530 Dwight Gonna get it?
8897 3 7 Branch Closing 1530 Michael No, not until I have some good news for them. Not until I have some good news.
8898 3 7 Branch Closing 1531 Pam I guess some new people might be coming from Stamford. Should be fun. New blood.
8899 3 7 Branch Closing 1531 Ryan Is Jim coming back.
8900 3 7 Branch Closing 1531 Pam That's, um... I hadn't thought about it, huh.
8901 3 7 Branch Closing 1531 Ryan I just don't want it to be weird, you know? I mean, I took his old job and his old desk.
8902 3 7 Branch Closing 1531 Pam Yeah, that might be weird. Overall though, we still all have our jobs... so, good news, right?
8903 3 7 Branch Closing 1531 Ryan Oh, yeah, totally.
8904 3 7 Branch Closing 1531 Kelly Ahhhhh! I'm so happy we don't have to break up now, Ryan! This is the best day of my whole l ife!
8905 3 7 Branch Closing 1532 Karen What you gonna do?
8906 3 7 Branch Closing 1532 Jim I really don't know. How you doing with all this?
8907 3 7 Branch Closing 1532 Karen You know, I'm fine. I'll be better when I know if I have a job.
8908 3 7 Branch Closing 1532 Jim You'd actually move to Scranton?
8909 3 7 Branch Closing 1532 Karen Yeah, if they let me, I think I... I think I would.
8910 3 7 Branch Closing 1532 Jim New York City is 45 minutes down the road from here. And you wanna move to Scranton? I dunno. If I were you I'd move to New York?
8911 3 7 Branch Closing 1532 Karen Yeah, you know... I might do that. I, who knows? I... I might do that.
8912 3 7 Branch Closing 1533 Josh Hey Andy!
8913 3 7 Branch Closing 1533 Andy What's up, Josh?
8914 3 7 Branch Closing 1533 Josh I just want to say thanks. Good luck.
8915 3 7 Branch Closing 1533 Andy Thanks, man. You, too. Totally.
8916 3 7 Branch Closing 1534 Michael Anything?
8917 3 7 Branch Closing 1534 Dwight Nothing.
8918 3 7 Branch Closing 1534 Michael What if this doesn't work? What is the office actually goes under?
8919 3 7 Branch Closing 1534 Dwight Then it was an honor to have worked with you.
8920 3 7 Branch Closing 1534 Michael All right, favorite moments in Dunder-Mifflin history. Go.
8921 3 7 Branch Closing 1534 Dwight My first day when you hazed me by spraying me with a fire extinguisher.
8922 3 7 Branch Closing 1534 Michael That was hilarious. The foam ...
8923 3 7 Branch Closing 1534 Dwight Uh,... my first sale, my promotion to assistant regional manager, our basketball game, when you took me to the hospital, and told me that you cared about me.
8924 3 7 Branch Closing 1534 Michael Oh, right. Okay, that's enough. That's good.
8925 3 7 Branch Closing 1534 Dwight What were your favorite moments?
8926 3 7 Branch Closing 1534 Michael Oh, hmm, all of them. I loved them all. Every single one.
8927 3 7 Branch Closing 1534 Dwight What about when Jan said the branch was closing?
8928 3 7 Branch Closing 1534 Michael God, Dwight!
8929 3 7 Branch Closing 1534 Dwight Well, it doesn't...
8930 3 7 Branch Closing 1535 Kevin Hey Pam, we're going to Poor Richards. Creed's buying shots.
8931 3 7 Branch Closing 1535 Pam No thanks, guys.
8932 3 7 Branch Closing 1535 Kevin All right.
8933 3 7 Branch Closing 1535 Pam Have fun though.
8934 3 7 Branch Closing 1535 Kevin Cool.
8935 3 7 Branch Closing 1535 Phyllis Hey, I hear Jim's coming back.
8936 3 7 Branch Closing 1535 Pam Really? Where did you hear that?
8937 3 7 Branch Closing 1535 Phyllis I was...
8938 3 7 Branch Closing 1535 Kevin Hey Ryan, you coming?
8939 3 7 Branch Closing 1535 Ryan Uh yeah, we'll meet you there.
8940 3 7 Branch Closing 1535 Kevin Awesome. Let's go, Phyllis.
8941 3 7 Branch Closing 1535 Phyllis I'll tell you later.
8942 3 7 Branch Closing 1535 Pam Okay.
8943 3 7 Branch Closing 1536 Roy Crazy day, huh?
8944 3 7 Branch Closing 1536 Pam Yeah.
8945 3 7 Branch Closing 1536 Roy Yeah, man! I'm uh... I'm really glad you're still gonna be working here.
8946 3 7 Branch Closing 1536 Pam Yeah, me too.
8947 3 7 Branch Closing 1537 Pam Maybe this is good. Finding another job is a pain. There's another annoying boss, another desk, I'd have to learn everything all over again. So, there are reasons to stay.
8948 3 7 Branch Closing 1538 Jim Hey, um, I think I am gonna take that job. And Scranton... it's not that bad. So, if they offer you a job there, I think you should take it.
8949 3 7 Branch Closing 1538 Karen Okay, yeah. Maybe I will.
8950 3 7 Branch Closing 1538 Jim Okay.
8951 3 7 Branch Closing 1539 Karen Yeah, I'm happy he said that. I mean, I don't think he's into me or anything, but, I'm kind of into him. So...there you go.
8952 3 7 Branch Closing 1540 Michael What are we still doing here? It's over. Let's go home. Get the car.
8953 3 7 Branch Closing 1540 Michael Oh, this was such a stupid idea! This was so stupid. I am such a stupid idiot. I let everybody down. Everybody hates me. I lost everybody's jobs. Nobody likes me anymore!
8954 3 7 Branch Closing 1540 Dwight Oh my God!
8955 3 7 Branch Closing 1540 Michael What?!
8956 3 7 Branch Closing 1540 Dwight Stranford is closed! Michael, we're not closed. Stamford is closed. Stamford is closed.
8957 3 7 Branch Closing 1540 Michael We did it? We did it.
8958 3 7 Branch Closing 1540 Dwight We did it!
8959 3 7 Branch Closing 1540 Michael, Dwight We did it! We did it!
8960 3 7 Branch Closing 1540 Michael Right here! Right here!
8961 3 7 Branch Closing 1540 Michael, Dwight Ouu! Ou! Ouu! Ouu!
8962 3 7 Branch Closing 1540 Michael Yeah, baby!
8963 3 7 Branch Closing 1540 Dwight In your face!
8964 3 7 Branch Closing 1540 Michael We did it!
8965 3 7 Branch Closing 1540 Dwight Oh, man.
8966 3 7 Branch Closing 1540 Michael How did we do it?
8967 3 7 Branch Closing 1540 Dwight I don't ... have no idea.
8968 3 7 Branch Closing 1540 Michael I don't understand.
8969 3 7 Branch Closing 1541 Toby Well for a minute there, I saw myself selling my house, moving to Costa Rica, learning how to surf. But, Costa Rica will still be there. When I'm 65.
8970 3 8 The Merger 1542 Jim The Stamford branch is closing and everybody's just packing up their stuff. Andy Bernard made these tasteful hats.
8971 3 8 The Merger 1543 Andy That's the other thing you got to watch out... Yo! Tuna! I wanna talk to you about this new boss, Michael Scott.
8972 3 8 The Merger 1543 Jim Yeah.
8973 3 8 The Merger 1543 Andy So what's he like? Likes? Dislikes? Favorite sports? Favorite movies? Favorite men's magazines?
8974 3 8 The Merger 1543 Jim You know what? I think you just need to meet him.
8975 3 8 The Merger 1543 Andy Playing your cards close to the vest. I get it. Good luck over there, Tuna. Cross me and I will destroy you.
8976 3 8 The Merger 1543 Jim Sounds good Andy.
8977 3 8 The Merger 1543 Karen This is going to be an adventure.
8978 3 8 The Merger 1543 Jim Yes. This is going to be very interesting. All right, I'm out of here. See you later?
8979 3 8 The Merger 1543 Karen Right on. Hey is that Josh's computer?
8980 3 8 The Merger 1543 Andy What?
8981 3 8 The Merger 1544 Pam Hey!
8982 3 8 The Merger 1544 Toby Hey.
8983 3 8 The Merger 1544 Pam How'd the run go?
8984 3 8 The Merger 1544 Toby Ah, pretty good. I finished.
8985 3 8 The Merger 1544 Pam That's great!
8986 3 8 The Merger 1544 Dwight Psh, why is that great?
8987 3 8 The Merger 1544 Pam Because he accomplished something.
8988 3 8 The Merger 1544 Dwight What was your mile time?
8989 3 8 The Merger 1544 Toby About seven.
8990 3 8 The Merger 1544 Dwight I could beat that on a skateboard.
8991 3 8 The Merger 1544 Toby Well, that has wheels.
8992 3 8 The Merger 1544 Dwight Yeah, well my feet don't. And I can still crush that time.
8993 3 8 The Merger 1544 Pam Really, Dwight? How fast are you?
8994 3 8 The Merger 1544 Dwight Let's just put it this way. Last weekend I outran a black pepper snake.
8995 3 8 The Merger 1544 Pam Really?
8996 3 8 The Merger 1545 Dwight I am fast. To give you a reference point. I'm somewhere between a snake and a mongoose. And a panther.
8997 3 8 The Merger 1546 Dwight Man, what is taking Toby so long?
8998 3 8 The Merger 1546 Pam Oh, I'll just time him later.
8999 3 8 The Merger 1546 Dwight And you'll compare the times?
9000 3 8 The Merger 1546 Pam Yeah. Are you ready?
9001 3 8 The Merger 1546 Dwight No, my groin...
9002 3 8 The Merger 1546 Pam Set
9003 3 8 The Merger 1546 Dwight ...is really tight.
9004 3 8 The Merger 1546 Pam Go!
9005 3 8 The Merger 1546 Dwight I can't...
9006 3 8 The Merger 1546 Pam Am I being mean to Dwight? I don't know. I did just make him run around the building and I have no intention of timing him. This isn't even a stopwatch. It's a digital thermometer. He does make my life harder, sometimes. And on purpose. Like he tried to put meters on the bathroom stalls as a way of bringing in more money for the company. Hey, three more laps to go. Gotta pick it up if you're going to beat Toby.
9007 3 8 The Merger 1546 Dwight Aaaaah!
9008 3 8 The Merger 1546 Pam I should probably get back to work.
9009 3 8 The Merger 1547 Michael Here... Who's here?
9010 3 8 The Merger 1547 Dwight Nametag?
9011 3 8 The Merger 1547 Michael Yes, please.
9012 3 8 The Merger 1547 Dwight Karen Filippelli.
9013 3 8 The Merger 1547 Michael Karen Filip... Ka-ren Fili-pell-li.
9014 3 8 The Merger 1547 Dwight Probably Italian. Possibly Filipino.
9015 3 8 The Merger 1547 Michael Okay.
9016 3 8 The Merger 1548 Michael My branch is absorbing the Stamford branch. Or, as I like to put it, my family is doubling in size. That's all I'm going to say about it because I have a gigantic performance ahead of me. And I have to get into my head and focus.
9017 3 8 The Merger 1549 Michael Who's next?
9018 3 8 The Merger 1549 Dwight That's Andy Bernard.
9019 3 8 The Merger 1549 Michael Andy Bernard.
9020 3 8 The Merger 1549 Dwight If I were you...
9021 3 8 The Merger 1549 Michael Saint Bernard.
9022 3 8 The Merger 1549 Dwight ...I would fire Anthony Gardner...
9023 3 8 The Merger 1549 Michael What?
9024 3 8 The Merger 1549 Dwight ...before noon...
9025 3 8 The Merger 1549 Michael I'm not...
9026 3 8 The Merger 1549 Dwight ...to consolidate power.
9027 3 8 The Merger 1549 Michael I'm not firing somebody on the first day.
9028 3 8 The Merger 1549 Dwight No, no, no! Not somebody. Gardner.
9029 3 8 The Merger 1550 Dwight The Japanese camp guards of World War II always chose one man to kill whenever a batch of new prisoners arrived. I always wondered how they chose the man who was to die. I think I would have been good at choosing the person.
9030 3 8 The Merger 1551 Pam Good morning!
9031 3 8 The Merger 1551 Michael Got the food? Good! Looky-looky-looky. What I want you to do... set it up in the conference room, please. Make it look nice. As if you are trying to impress a much older man who's way out of your league.
9032 3 8 The Merger 1551 Pam Okay.
9033 3 8 The Merger 1552 Pam Yes! I'm in a good mood today! I'm excited to meet all the new people and to see my old friend again, definitely. That's always a thing that makes people happy... to have an old friend back.
9034 3 8 The Merger 1553 Hannah Hello?
9035 3 8 The Merger 1553 Michael Ah! Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding. Our first arrival. Welcome to Scranton. This is Hannah Smoterich-Barr.
9036 3 8 The Merger 1553 Dwight Hannah Smoterich-Barr.
9037 3 8 The Merger 1553 Michael Welcome to our humble abode. Follow me to your desk. Your ball and chain is right over here.
9038 3 8 The Merger 1554 Michael You know for a lot of these people this is the only family they have. So... As far as I'm concerned, this says 'World's Best Dad'.
9039 3 8 The Merger 1555 Michael Ah! There he is Tony... what's your last name?
9040 3 8 The Merger 1555 Tony Gardner.
9041 3 8 The Merger 1555 Michael Gardner! I knew that. There you go. Gift bag... for you. Okay.
9042 3 8 The Merger 1555 Tony Thanks.
9043 3 8 The Merger 1555 Kevin Michael, I didn't get a gift bag.
9044 3 8 The Merger 1555 Michael Well, they're just for guests. If there are any left over, you can buy one later.
9045 3 8 The Merger 1555 Hannah My bag's mostly pencils.
9046 3 8 The Merger 1555 Michael Wh..and coupons... to various hot spots around Scranton. All right! Let me show you to your area, sir. Come on, big guy.
9047 3 8 The Merger 1555 Kevin Can I have your pencils?
9048 3 8 The Merger 1555 Hannah No.
9049 3 8 The Merger 1555 Pam Hi!
9050 3 8 The Merger 1555 Karen Hi.
9051 3 8 The Merger 1555 Pam I'm Pam.
9052 3 8 The Merger 1555 Karen Karen. I love your sweater.
9053 3 8 The Merger 1555 Pam Oh, thanks. My Mom made it for me.
9054 3 8 The Merger 1555 Karen Really? That's so cool. I've always wanted to learn...
9055 3 8 The Merger 1555 Michael Welcome.
9056 3 8 The Merger 1555 Karen ...to knit.
9057 3 8 The Merger 1555 Michael Welcome, welcome, welcome! Take me to your leader. Oh wait, I am your leader.
9058 3 8 The Merger 1555 Karen Uh wait, are you a robot or a Martian?
9059 3 8 The Merger 1555 Michael Mmm... dah. I am actually your boss, Michael Scott. Welcome. Wow! You are very exotic looking. Was your dad a G.I. or uh?
9060 3 8 The Merger 1556 Andy I'll be the Number Two guy here in Scranton in six weeks. How? Name repetition, personality mirroring, and never breaking off a handshake. I'm always thinking one step ahead. Like a carpenter that makes stairs.
9061 3 8 The Merger 1557 Andy Hello.
9062 3 8 The Merger 1557 Michael Ah! You must be Andy Bernard. Aloha and welcome!
9063 3 8 The Merger 1557 Andy And you must be Michael Scott. Aloha and... hello.
9064 3 8 The Merger 1557 Michael A-ha-ha-ho. Very good! Welcome to our little kingdom. Ah, we have a bag of nifty gifties for you.
9065 3 8 The Merger 1557 Andy Michael, thank you for welcoming me to your little kingdom, Mike.
9066 3 8 The Merger 1557 Michael Oh.
9067 3 8 The Merger 1557 Andy Nifty!
9068 3 8 The Merger 1557 Michael They are nifty! They're nifty gifties.
9069 3 8 The Merger 1558 Michael You know who I really like? Is this guy Andy Bernard. He has got this very likable way about him.
9070 3 8 The Merger 1559 Martin ...which is why they need a passing game.
9071 3 8 The Merger 1559 Jim Right.
9072 3 8 The Merger 1559 Michael No way. Get him out of here. We don't want any of this kind in here. Good to see you, man.
9073 3 8 The Merger 1559 Jim Okay.
9074 3 8 The Merger 1559 Michael How are you? Martin Nash, I presume? This is a little gift bag for you.
9075 3 8 The Merger 1559 Martin Oh! Thanks.
9076 3 8 The Merger 1559 Michael Free of charge. Follow me, I will show you where all the slaves work. Not... so, your desk is...
9077 3 8 The Merger 1559 Jim Hi, I'm Jim. I'm new here.
9078 3 8 The Merger 1559 Pam Oh my god! It's really you!
9079 3 8 The Merger 1559 Jim Yeah, I was just doing a little joke there about how we'd never met...
9080 3 8 The Merger 1559 Pam I know. I don't care.
9081 3 8 The Merger 1559 Jim Awesome! Good to be back. The place looks really good.
9082 3 8 The Merger 1559 Pam It's really good to see you.
9083 3 8 The Merger 1559 Jim You, too.
9084 3 8 The Merger 1560 Jim Where do I stand with Pam? Um... no idea. I mean, we're friends. Always have been friends. Um... .that is where we stand.
9085 3 8 The Merger 1561 Dwight Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in from Stamford.
9086 3 8 The Merger 1561 Jim Hey, Dwight.
9087 3 8 The Merger 1561 Dwight Fact - I am older. I am wiser. Do not mess with me.
9088 3 8 The Merger 1561 Jim Okay. Sounds good.
9089 3 8 The Merger 1561 Dwight What are you doing?
9090 3 8 The Merger 1561 Jim I don't know what you're talking about.
9091 3 8 The Merger 1561 Dwight I have a smudge on my forehead?
9092 3 8 The Merger 1561 Jim No. Looks good.
9093 3 8 The Merger 1561 Dwight Why are you looking at my forehead?
9094 3 8 The Merger 1561 Jim I'm not.
9095 3 8 The Merger 1561 Dwight Meet my eye line, Jim!
9096 3 8 The Merger 1561 Jim I am.
9097 3 8 The Merger 1561 Dwight Stop acting like an idiot!
9098 3 8 The Merger 1561 Jim Okay.
9099 3 8 The Merger 1561 Ryan Hey, buddy. Welcome back.
9100 3 8 The Merger 1561 Jim Hey! How are you man? Good to see... you.
9101 3 8 The Merger 1561 Ryan I'm good! How are you? So...
9102 3 8 The Merger 1561 Jim Oh, I'm sorry. Are you sitting here now?
9103 3 8 The Merger 1561 Ryan Yeah.
9104 3 8 The Merger 1561 Jim Oh.
9105 3 8 The Merger 1561 Ryan Um... unless you really, really want it back.
9106 3 8 The Merger 1561 Jim You know, man, it's really you're call.
9107 3 8 The Merger 1561 Ryan Cool, thank you.
9108 3 8 The Merger 1561 Jim Let me get that for you.
9109 3 8 The Merger 1561 Ryan Yuh.
9110 3 8 The Merger 1561 Jim This one taken? No. Good.
9111 3 8 The Merger 1562 Ryan Yeah. Jim is a nice guy. That's why I got the desk.
9112 3 8 The Merger 1563 Toby Hey, this came with the Stamford book. Can you take care of it?
9113 3 8 The Merger 1563 Kevin Oh, yes I can.
9114 3 8 The Merger 1564 Kevin In general, they do not give me much responsibility. But they do let me shred the company documents. And that is really all I need.
9115 3 8 The Merger 1565 Andy Michael Scott. Thank you. I appreciate it, Mike.
9116 3 8 The Merger 1565 Michael Right.
9117 3 8 The Merger 1565 Dwight Hello. I don't believe we've been introduced. Dwight Schrute. Assistant Regional Manager.
9118 3 8 The Merger 1565 Andy Andy Bernard. Regional Director in Charge of Sales.
9119 3 8 The Merger 1565 Dwight So you'll be reporting to me, then.
9120 3 8 The Merger 1565 Andy Umm, on the contrary.
9121 3 8 The Merger 1565 Dwight My title has 'Manager' in it.
9122 3 8 The Merger 1565 Andy And I'm a director.
9123 3 8 The Merger 1565 Dwight Oh.
9124 3 8 The Merger 1565 Andy Which on a film set is the highest title there is. Do you know anything about film?
9125 3 8 The Merger 1565 Dwight I know everything about film. I've seen over 240 of them.
9126 3 8 The Merger 1565 Andy Congratulations.
9127 3 8 The Merger 1566 Jim Hey, Toby!
9128 3 8 The Merger 1566 Toby Hey, Jim!
9129 3 8 The Merger 1566 Jim How are you, man?
9130 3 8 The Merger 1566 Toby Oh, really good.
9131 3 8 The Merger 1566 Jim I just wanted to say hi.
9132 3 8 The Merger 1566 Toby How are you? Hey. Welcome back.
9133 3 8 The Merger 1566 Jim Oh. Is that like your new thing?
9134 3 8 The Merger 1566 Toby No, I'm sorry, it's...
9135 3 8 The Merger 1566 Jim No. It's cool.
9136 3 8 The Merger 1566 Toby No, it's nothing. We'll just...
9137 3 8 The Merger 1566 Jim All right. Good to be back.
9138 3 8 The Merger 1566 Toby So... okay.
9139 3 8 The Merger 1566 Jim All right.
9140 3 8 The Merger 1566 Toby All right... sorry... sorry about that.
9141 3 8 The Merger 1566 Jim No problem.
9142 3 8 The Merger 1566 Toby It was just...
9143 3 8 The Merger 1566 Jim ...what?
9144 3 8 The Merger 1566 Toby Nothing.
9145 3 8 The Merger 1567 Kevin This thing is so awesome. It will shred anything. Ooh! It will shred a CD. It will shred... a credit card. It will shred... oh! Shoot.
9146 3 8 The Merger 1568 Michael I present the orientation video.
9147 3 8 The Merger 1568 Dwight We need to talk!
9148 3 8 The Merger 1568 Michael Not now.
9149 3 8 The Merger 1568 Dwight Which is higher? Assistant Regional Manager or Regional Director in Charge of Sales?
9150 3 8 The Merger 1568 Michael I told you the titles are irrelevant. They just relate to pay scale.
9151 3 8 The Merger 1568 Dwight Okay. So who gets paid more? Me or Andy?
9152 3 8 The Merger 1568 Michael It is not a matter of more or less. Your pay is just different. Okay? All right! Show time, part one.
9153 3 8 The Merger 1568 Dwight Ok. Who reports to who?
9154 3 8 The Merger 1568 Michael I don't care! Dwight! You all report to me! That's all that matters! The rest of it just work out amongst yourselves, ok?
9155 3 8 The Merger 1568 Dwight And then if I want...
9156 3 8 The Merger 1568 Michael Work it out amongst your selves!
9157 3 8 The Merger 1568 Dwight I...
9158 3 8 The Merger 1568 Michael Please! I have a company to run. Well, you let me run the company?
9159 3 8 The Merger 1568 Dwight I...
9160 3 8 The Merger 1568 Michael Will you?
9161 3 8 The Merger 1568 Dwight One...
9162 3 8 The Merger 1568 Michael Please?
9163 3 8 The Merger 1569 Kelly Jim!
9164 3 8 The Merger 1569 Jim Kelly!
9165 3 8 The Merger 1569 Kelly Oh! Oh my god! I have so much to tell you!
9166 3 8 The Merger 1569 Jim Really?
9167 3 8 The Merger 1569 Kelly Yes! Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes? They had a baby and they named it Suri. And then Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie? They had a baby, too, and they named it Shiloh. And both babies are amazing!
9168 3 8 The Merger 1569 Jim Great. What's new with you?
9169 3 8 The Merger 1569 Kelly I just told you.
9170 3 8 The Merger 1570 Michael Okay. Everybody settled in? Good. Why don't we all proceed in to the conference room? Or, should I say, the banquet hall. For... drum roll, please , the official Merger Day All-Family Welcome Breakfast. Come on in!
9171 3 8 The Merger 1571 Michael Yoko shack.
9172 3 8 The Merger 1571 Male voice ...thank you James.
9173 3 8 The Merger 1571 Meredith Hey, champagne.
9174 3 8 The Merger 1571 Michael Nope, no. Guests only.
9175 3 8 The Merger 1571 Kelly Looks like salmon.
9176 3 8 The Merger 1571 Michael Nope. Um... for the guests it is. For you, consider it cow-meat. Strictly taboo.
9177 3 8 The Merger 1571 Kelly I eat beef.
9178 3 8 The Merger 1571 Michael Well, then... consider it poisoned beef. No touchy.
9179 3 8 The Merger 1571 Kevin The beef is poisoned?
9180 3 8 The Merger 1571 Michael No, it's not beef... just... sit down, please. Welcome. Help yourself.
9181 3 8 The Merger 1571 Toby Um... You might want these orientation materials.
9182 3 8 The Merger 1571 Michael Wrong. Toby, this is an orientation not a borientation. Okay. Do not worry. All of your questions are about to be answered. Cell phones and pagers off, please.
9183 3 8 The Merger 1571 Jim Oh, this looks promising.
9184 3 8 The Merger 1571 Pam You won't be disappointed.
9185 3 8 The Merger 1571 Michael Let's face it. Moving to a new job can be very stressful. So I have made an orientation video especially for you newcomers. But it's not like any orientation video that any of you have ever seen. It's funny. It's got a little bit of a zing to it and I hope that it gives you a flavor of what we're all about here at Dunder Mifflin. And what we're all about here in Scranton. So let's just all laugh together and watch "Lazy Scranton".
9186 3 8 The Merger 1572 Michael Sittin' in my office with a plate of grilled bacon, call my man Dwight just to see what was shakin'.
9187 3 8 The Merger 1572 Dwight Yo Mike, our town is dope and pretty.
9188 3 8 The Merger 1572 Michael So check out how we live
9189 3 8 The Merger 1572 Michael, Dwight in the Electric City!
9190 3 8 The Merger 1572 Michael They call it Scranton.
9191 3 8 The Merger 1572 Dwight What?
9192 3 8 The Merger 1572 Michael The Electric City. Scranton.
9193 3 8 The Merger 1572 Dwight What?
9194 3 8 The Merger 1572 Michael The Electric City. Call poison control if you're bit by a spider.
9195 3 8 The Merger 1572 Dwight But check that it's covered by your health care provider!
9196 3 8 The Merger 1573 Jim It reminds me of the orientation video showed on my first day. 'The Scranton Witch Project'.
9197 3 8 The Merger 1574 Michael I am so scared... when people don't label their personal food.
9198 3 8 The Merger 1575 Michael You like coal mines and you wanna see 'em, Well, check it out, yo, the Anthracite Museum! Plenty of space in the parking lot,
9199 3 8 The Merger 1575 Dwight But the little cars go in the compact spot
9200 3 8 The Merger 1575 Michael, Dwight Spot, spot, spot, spot ...
9201 3 8 The Merger 1576 Michael Spot. Scranton. What? The Electric City. Scranton.What? The Electric City. Scranton. What?
9202 3 8 The Merger 1576 Michael Well, so far, I think it is killin'. I thought it would either be an 'A' or an 'A+' but I completely forgot that there's an 'A++'.
9203 3 8 The Merger 1577 Karen This is Karen Filippelli. Please leave a message.
9204 3 8 The Merger 1577 Jim Terrible. Totally unconvincing.
9205 3 8 The Merger 1577 Karen This is Karen Filippelli. Please leave a message.
9206 3 8 The Merger 1577 Jim Not bad, but you are Italian so... try it more Italian.
9207 3 8 The Merger 1577 Karen Dis is Kar-en Fill-uh-pel-li. Please leava me da message. A bon danza.
9208 3 8 The Merger 1577 Jim You feel good?
9209 3 8 The Merger 1577 Karen Mm-hm.
9210 3 8 The Merger 1577 Jim All right.
9211 3 8 The Merger 1577 Karen Karen Filippelli.
9212 3 8 The Merger 1578 Andy Hey, buddy. Anything new to report?
9213 3 8 The Merger 1578 Dwight Do you mean to me? From you? Cause that's how it works.
9214 3 8 The Merger 1578 Andy Sure thing, buddy.
9215 3 8 The Merger 1579 Andy Am I trying to get under his skin? Yes. Because the angrier he gets, the more marginalized he becomes. Meanwhile, Andy Bernard is out there layin' on the charm.
9216 3 8 The Merger 1580 Andy Hey, Angela. Check this out. It's my new screen saver.
9217 3 8 The Merger 1580 Angela Oh.
9218 3 8 The Merger 1580 Andy Do you like it?
9219 3 8 The Merger 1580 Angela I do like it, actually.
9220 3 8 The Merger 1580 Andy Thank you. You have such a pretty smile by the way.
9221 3 8 The Merger 1580 Angela Thank you.
9222 3 8 The Merger 1580 Andy You're welcome.
9223 3 8 The Merger 1581 Pam Hey.
9224 3 8 The Merger 1581 Jim Hey!
9225 3 8 The Merger 1581 Pam What happened to grape soda?
9226 3 8 The Merger 1581 Jim Oh yeah. I'm trying to move away from that. Getting into more of a bottled water phase.
9227 3 8 The Merger 1581 Pam Oh. You've changed so much.
9228 3 8 The Merger 1581 Jim Well, I'm evolving, Pam.
9229 3 8 The Merger 1581 Pam So when do I get to hear everything? Are you still getting unpacked or... you want to grab a coffee or something after work?
9230 3 8 The Merger 1581 Jim Oh! Um... tonight, actually? No. I'm uh just still getting settled.
9231 3 8 The Merger 1581 Pam Oh, yeah, no! You know. Whenever.
9232 3 8 The Merger 1581 Jim Okay.
9233 3 8 The Merger 1581 Michael Oh-kay. Sorry to interrupt. I...
9234 3 8 The Merger 1581 Jim Nope. You're not interrupting anything. Nope. I'm...
9235 3 8 The Merger 1581 Michael All right.
9236 3 8 The Merger 1581 Jim Don't...
9237 3 8 The Merger 1581 Michael Okay.
9238 3 8 The Merger 1581 Jim All right. I should probably get back to work. Get back to work.
9239 3 8 The Merger 1581 Pam Yeah. I know, me too.
9240 3 8 The Merger 1581 Jim All right!
9241 3 8 The Merger 1582 Pam The day's going fine. It's been a little chaotic but it's fine. It's great! A lot of distractions. But, it's good.
9242 3 8 The Merger 1583 Hannah Take a picture. It'll last longer.
9243 3 8 The Merger 1583 Ryan I'm sorry. It's just, it's a little distracting.
9244 3 8 The Merger 1583 Creed Ditto that, my brother.
9245 3 8 The Merger 1584 Hannah Look what's on his computer.
9246 3 8 The Merger 1584 Michael What is that? A squid's eye or...
9247 3 8 The Merger 1584 Hannah It's my left breast.
9248 3 8 The Merger 1584 Michael How did you...
9249 3 8 The Merger 1584 Creed Right place at the right time.
9250 3 8 The Merger 1585 Karen Uh, what's that smell?
9251 3 8 The Merger 1585 Phyllis What smell?
9252 3 8 The Merger 1585 Karen Must be an... air freshener plugged in somewhere. It smells like a funeral home.
9253 3 8 The Merger 1585 Phyllis Oh, I'll help you find it.
9254 3 8 The Merger 1585 Karen Oh, you know. Never... .never mind.
9255 3 8 The Merger 1585 Phyllis What is it?
9256 3 8 The Merger 1585 Karen I... I... I, uh, think I'm just allergic to your perfume.
9257 3 8 The Merger 1585 Phyllis My perfume?
9258 3 8 The Merger 1585 Karen It's just my crazy nose. I'm... uh, used to different smells.
9259 3 8 The Merger 1585 Phyllis Bob Vance bought this perfume for me in Metropolitan Orlando. It's made from real pine.
9260 3 8 The Merger 1585 Karen Who's Bob Vance?
9261 3 8 The Merger 1585 Phyllis You have a lot to learn about this town, sweetie.
9262 3 8 The Merger 1586 Stanley I don't know who these new people think they are. I've sat downwind of Phyllis' stinky perfumes for years. Never said a word.
9263 3 8 The Merger 1587 Michael People hate people that are different from them. That's natural. But you know what makes people forget their differences? A great show. That is why I created the 'Integration Celebration'. This is the moment when Scranton and Stamford come together as one. United in applause.
9264 3 8 The Merger 1588 Michael I know what a lot of you must be thinking. 'Wow! What a day! Feels more like a night at a party than a day at work.' Well, in my opinion, business should feel like a night out. A night... at... the Roxbury. Okay. There's supposed to be music and it's... I got it, I got it! I got it. Dwight! Just.
9265 3 8 The Merger 1588 Dwight Do you have batteries?
9266 3 8 The Merger 1588 Michael Ssshh stupid! Um...
9267 3 8 The Merger 1588 Michael That's it!
9268 3 8 The Merger 1588 Andy What is love?
9269 3 8 The Merger 1588 Michael Yes, yes! Okay!
9270 3 8 The Merger 1588 Andy Baby, don't hurt me.
9271 3 8 The Merger 1588 Michael Okay, here we go.
9272 3 8 The Merger 1588 Andy, Michael Don't hurt me! Baby, don't hurt me!
9273 3 8 The Merger 1588 Michael Oh!
9274 3 8 The Merger 1588 Andy Baby, don't hurt me!
9275 3 8 The Merger 1588 Michael Oh! Oh! Oh!
9276 3 8 The Merger 1588 Andy Whoa-oh-oh-oh
9277 3 8 The Merger 1588 Michael Scuse me! Scuse me!
9278 3 8 The Merger 1588 Andy, Michael Whoa-oh-oh-oh! Whoa-oh-oh...
9279 3 8 The Merger 1588 Michael You me? You me? Me you? You! You! You me! Bow Bow Bow!
9280 3 8 The Merger 1588 Andy Whoa-oh-oh-oh.
9281 3 8 The Merger 1588 Michael You me? You me? Me you me! You! You! You me you! You! Oh my nose so itchy, why's my nose so itchy!
9282 3 8 The Merger 1588 Andy Oh, probably because of all the nose candy.
9283 3 8 The Merger 1588 Michael Okay, I told you these guys had a sense of humor.
9284 3 8 The Merger 1588 Dwight Very funny, Michael!
9285 3 8 The Merger 1588 Michael Okay! Okay!
9286 3 8 The Merger 1588 Dwight Really funny, Michael!
9287 3 8 The Merger 1588 Michael All right, all right, I'm on a roll.
9288 3 8 The Merger 1589 Michael Why are the new people on the table? To show them that we are not above them.
9289 3 8 The Merger 1589 Karen Shouldn't we be equals?
9290 3 8 The Merger 1589 Michael Not today. No. Tony! Please join your cohorts on the table if you would.
9291 3 8 The Merger 1589 Tony Uh... this is difficult, for me.
9292 3 8 The Merger 1589 Michael I understand. We're all friends.
9293 3 8 The Merger 1589 Tony No. I mean I can't physically. I can't get on the table.
9294 3 8 The Merger 1589 Michael Oh, well. Just use the momentum of your lower half to hoist yourself up.
9295 3 8 The Merger 1589 Michael You know what? I'll help. I will...
9296 3 8 The Merger 1589 Tony No, please. No.
9297 3 8 The Merger 1589 Michael Don't be shy! Dwight! Let's do this!
9298 3 8 The Merger 1589 Dwight Do this. Come on. Ready?
9299 3 8 The Merger 1589 Michael Come on. We're doing this thing! Let's get up.
9300 3 8 The Merger 1589 Dwight On three. One... two... three.
9301 3 8 The Merger 1589 Michael Bend at the knees. Okay, here we go. Here we go. I'm under this... I'm under this hock here. I don't know what I'm grabbing here.
9302 3 8 The Merger 1589 Tony All right. All right. Stop. Put me down.
9303 3 8 The Merger 1589 Michael We've almost got it. Push it! Push it!
9304 3 8 The Merger 1589 Tony Let me go!
9305 3 8 The Merger 1589 Michael I'm right in your crack!
9306 3 8 The Merger 1589 Tony Put me down right...
9307 3 8 The Merger 1589 Michael Up and over.
9308 3 8 The Merger 1589 Tony Put me down!
9309 3 8 The Merger 1589 Michael Up and over.
9310 3 8 The Merger 1589 Tony Put me down right now!
9311 3 8 The Merger 1589 Michael You've got it.
9312 3 8 The Merger 1589 Tony I'VE HAD ENOUGH!
9313 3 8 The Merger 1589 Michael You've got it, you've got it.
9314 3 8 The Merger 1589 Tony PUT ME DOWN RIGHT NOW or else!
9315 3 8 The Merger 1589 Michael Whoa Whoa Whoa! Okay.
9316 3 8 The Merger 1589 Dwight Hey, hey. Easy.
9317 3 8 The Merger 1589 Michael Easy.
9318 3 8 The Merger 1589 Tony I'm sorry!
9319 3 8 The Merger 1589 Michael Don't...
9320 3 8 The Merger 1589 Tony It's just not going to work for me.
9321 3 8 The Merger 1589 Michael What...
9322 3 8 The Merger 1589 Tony I have to go.
9323 3 8 The Merger 1589 Michael I don't understand.
9324 3 8 The Merger 1589 Tony I was on the fence about this and... it's just not a good fit.
9325 3 8 The Merger 1589 Michael Well, we'll squeeze you in.
9326 3 8 The Merger 1589 Tony I can't work here. I have to quit.
9327 3 8 The Merger 1590 Michael You can't quit! On the first day. That's heresy, my friend! Okay, let's talk about this. What happened? I mean, what... Was it Toby? Did he say something? Cause he's... what?
9328 3 8 The Merger 1590 Tony No. Toby was helpful. He was very kind. It's just your management style.
9329 3 8 The Merger 1590 Michael My management style? So... didn't you think 'Lazy Scranton' was funny?
9330 3 8 The Merger 1590 Tony No. Was it supposed to be funny?
9331 3 8 The Merger 1590 Michael Okay. Well, don't bother quitting because you're fired.
9332 3 8 The Merger 1590 Tony Excuse me?
9333 3 8 The Merger 1590 Michael You are fired! I'm sorry, but we don't have quitters on this team! Just clean out your desk!
9334 3 8 The Merger 1590 Tony But there's nothing in my desk except coupons.
9335 3 8 The Merger 1590 Michael Don't try to apologize to me, man! It's too late. Just get out! Take your bad vibes with you.
9336 3 8 The Merger 1590 Dwight That was my advice. Remember? I'm the one who suggested that you fire him.
9337 3 8 The Merger 1590 Michael Probably the best advice you ever gave me, Dwight.
9338 3 8 The Merger 1590 Dwight And what advice has Andy given to you today that you have acted on? Would 'none' be an accurate estimate? None advice? Fire Andy. Fire. Andy.
9339 3 8 The Merger 1591 Andy Dwight may have won the battle. But I will win... the next battle.
9340 3 8 The Merger 1592 Hannah Tony was right. This environment is dysfunctional.
9341 3 8 The Merger 1592 Angela Maybe that's because some people treat it like their own private Hooters strip club.
9342 3 8 The Merger 1592 Michael Whoa, Angela! Hold on. Hooters is a restaurant. With over 400 locations worldwide.
9343 3 8 The Merger 1592 Stanley Back to work. We don't have to get along. We just have to work together.
9344 3 8 The Merger 1592 Michael No. We do have to get along. Can't we all just get along? Or have we forgotten the words of the Reverend King.
9345 3 8 The Merger 1593 Michael The word merger comes from the word marriage. And that was what today was supposed to be. The loving union between people. Instead, it has become like when my Mom moved in with Jeff. And once again, it becomes my job to fix it.
9346 3 8 The Merger 1594 Michael Hey! Hey, everybody! Something happened! Those guys from Vance Refrigeration, they let the air out of our tires.
9347 3 8 The Merger 1594 Dwight What!
9348 3 8 The Merger 1594 Michael Yeah! They punk'd us! They punk'd us good! Come on. Come on!
9349 3 8 The Merger 1594 Karen Does Bob Vance work for Vance Refrigeration?
9350 3 8 The Merger 1594 Jim Does he ever.
9351 3 8 The Merger 1595 Michael Man, they got us so bad. We cannot let them get away with this. We have got to pull together as one and steal their refrigerators.
9352 3 8 The Merger 1595 Dwight YEAH!
9353 3 8 The Merger 1595 Michael Yeah.
9354 3 8 The Merger 1595 Toby I don't... I don't think we can do that.
9355 3 8 The Merger 1595 Michael Go home, Toby. Just...
9356 3 8 The Merger 1595 Martin Hey! Why doesn't your car have a flat tire?
9357 3 8 The Merger 1595 Michael Why? I will tell you why. Because they saved the worst for me. They put a hate note under my windshield wiper. Check this out. It's so hateful. "You guys SUCK! You can never pull together as one and revenge us. That is why you SUCK!"
9358 3 8 The Merger 1595 Hannah For crying out loud.
9359 3 8 The Merger 1595 Michael No. No, no, no. No. You are falling for it. You're playing right into their hands. This is just what they want you to do. Don't, oh...
9360 3 8 The Merger 1595 Martin What's up with this guy?
9361 3 8 The Merger 1595 Stanley Got an hour? I'll try to explain.
9362 3 8 The Merger 1595 Michael THIS IS EGREGIOUS! This is egregious!
9363 3 8 The Merger 1596 Stanley Trust me. It only gets worse.
9364 3 8 The Merger 1596 Martin Is he always like this?
9365 3 8 The Merger 1596 Ryan Sometimes he brings more costumes.
9366 3 8 The Merger 1596 Hannah When do people work?
9367 3 8 The Merger 1596 Phyllis Oh, we find little times during the day.
9368 3 8 The Merger 1596 Karen How are we going to get home?
9369 3 8 The Merger 1596 Phyllis Bob Vance has an air pump. He said he'd fill all our tires up.
9370 3 8 The Merger 1596 Karen Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration.
9371 3 8 The Merger 1597 Michael See that? Mission accomplished. Like a bunch of fourth graders. Sometimes, what brings the kids together is hating the lunch lady. Although that'll change. Because, by the end of the fourth grade, the lunch lady was actually the person I hung out with the most. Jell-o!
9372 3 8 The Merger 1597 Jan Michael!
9373 3 8 The Merger 1597 Michael Hi, Jan!
9374 3 8 The Merger 1597 Jan Did you fire Tony Gardner when he was trying to quit?
9375 3 8 The Merger 1597 Michael I did. Major personnel crises averted. Compliment accepted.
9376 3 8 The Merger 1597 Jan Do you realize, Michael, that we now have to pay him severance?
9377 3 8 The Merger 1597 Michael Yes.
9378 3 8 The Merger 1597 Jan You do?
9379 3 8 The Merger 1597 Michael But do you realize that that was actually Dwight's idea? Bad advice from my Number Two.
9380 3 8 The Merger 1597 Jan What? No. No. No, Jim is your Number Two.
9381 3 8 The Merger 1597 Michael What?
9382 3 8 The Merger 1597 Jan He's the only one who has worked with both groups. I sent you a memo about this.
9383 3 8 The Merger 1597 Michael Yes, I know that. For, I do read the memos.
9384 3 8 The Merger 1598 Michael So after a great deal of thought and introspective-shun, I have decided to make Jim my new Number Two.
9385 3 8 The Merger 1598 Dwight If he even wants it. It doesn't come with a pay raise.
9386 3 8 The Merger 1598 Jim Yeah, it does, actually.
9387 3 8 The Merger 1598 Dwight So who will be your new Number Three?
9388 3 8 The Merger 1598 Michael Uh... that I have not decided yet.
9389 3 8 The Merger 1598 Andy Michael, I would just like to say you have handled this entire situation with great aplomb.
9390 3 8 The Merger 1598 Michael Thank you, Andy. That's... very kind. Thanks.
9391 3 8 The Merger 1598 Dwight And I have to say your leadership...
9392 3 8 The Merger 1598 Michael Shut it...
9393 3 8 The Merger 1598 Dwight has brought...
9394 3 8 The Merger 1598 Michael Shut it! That's... suck up!
9395 3 8 The Merger 1599 Jim Hey! Where you at, Filippelli?
9396 3 8 The Merger 1599 Karen I'm at the grocery store buying a corkscrew to give myself a lobotomy.
9397 3 8 The Merger 1599 Jim What's wrong? You didn't have a good first day?
9398 3 8 The Merger 1599 Karen Oh my god! Hey! You want to meet at Cooper's in an hour? I need a drink.
9399 3 8 The Merger 1599 Jim Yeah. Sure. Sounds good. I... . Hey! You know what? Can I give you a call right back?
9400 3 8 The Merger 1599 Karen Yeah.
9401 3 8 The Merger 1599 Jim Ok, thanks.
9402 3 8 The Merger 1599 Karen Ok.
9403 3 8 The Merger 1600 Jim Hey.
9404 3 8 The Merger 1600 Pam Hey!
9405 3 8 The Merger 1600 Jim I thought you had already... left.
9406 3 8 The Merger 1600 Pam Uh... no. I just uh had some other stuff I had to do.
9407 3 8 The Merger 1600 Jim Oh... Good.
9408 3 8 The Merger 1600 Pam What's up?
9409 3 8 The Merger 1600 Jim Oh, nothing. I just feel bad. I feel like things were a little weird today... or something.
9410 3 8 The Merger 1600 Pam What do you mean?
9411 3 8 The Merger 1600 Jim I just think I should tell you that... I've sort of started seeing someone. And uh...
9412 3 8 The Merger 1600 Pam Oh. That's totally cool. You can do whatever you want.
9413 3 8 The Merger 1600 Jim O..ok. Um..good.
9414 3 8 The Merger 1600 Pam We're friends. We'll always be friends.
9415 3 8 The Merger 1600 Jim Right.
9416 3 8 The Merger 1600 Pam It's good to have you back.
9417 3 8 The Merger 1600 Jim Yeah. Good to be back.
9418 3 8 The Merger 1601 Meredith Where'd you get that salad?
9419 3 8 The Merger 1601 Kevin Staples.
9420 3 8 The Merger 1602 Andy Saw your dorkmobile in the parking lot. What does it get, like four miles to the gallon?
9421 3 8 The Merger 1602 Dwight Uh, try double that. Classic TransAm, vintage American muscle. Please.
9422 3 8 The Merger 1602 Andy Yeah, my Xterra's pretty sweet. Luxurious, yet rugged. Leave it to the Japanese.
9423 3 8 The Merger 1602 Dwight Xterra's not even a real word.
9424 3 8 The Merger 1602 Andy Actually, it is. It's Latin for "earth."
9425 3 8 The Merger 1602 Dwight Oh, so you drive an X-Earth?
9426 3 8 The Merger 1602 Andy Yeah.
9427 3 8 The Merger 1602 Dwight That makes sense. I'd rather drive a classic TransAm than an XEarth.
9428 3 8 The Merger 1602 Andy Yeah, I bet you would. Oh, by the way, 1985 called. It wants its car back.
9429 3 8 The Merger 1602 Dwight Well I hope 1985 has a time machine 'cause I drive an 87.
9430 3 8 The Merger 1602 Andy Oh, speaking of time machines, I just got back from the future and I went to your funeral and, guess what, nobody came.
9431 3 8 The Merger 1602 Dwight Speaking of funerals, why don't you go ahead and go die.
9432 3 8 The Merger 1602 Andy Oh, that was a really well constructed sentence. You should be an English professor at Cor-not University.
9433 3 8 The Merger 1602 Dwight Idiot!
9434 3 8 The Merger 1602 Andy If I were an idiot, I'd be driving a TransAm.
9435 3 8 The Merger 1602 Dwight If you were driving a TransAm, you would be the smartest idiot in the whole world.
9436 3 8 The Merger 1602 Andy Idiot!
9437 3 8 The Merger 1602 Dwight You're the idiot!
9438 3 8 The Merger 1602 Andy Nice comeback!
9439 3 8 The Merger 1602 Dwight I was making fun of your comeback! That's why it worked. Totally got the best of that interchange.
9440 3 9 The Convict 1603 Pam Ohhhh! She's absolutely adorable!
9441 3 9 The Convict 1603 Hannah He.
9442 3 9 The Convict 1603 Pam ...Oh, sorry. He's--he's dressed all in pink.
9443 3 9 The Convict 1603 Hannah That's his favorite color.
9444 3 9 The Convict 1603 Pam ...Oh. That's... fun for him.
9445 3 9 The Convict 1603 Stanley Fantastic.
9446 3 9 The Convict 1603 Michael Ohhh, wow. Look at that. How cute.
9447 3 9 The Convict 1603 Hannah Thank youuu.
9448 3 9 The Convict 1603 Michael Ohh. May I?
9449 3 9 The Convict 1603 Hannah Uh, sure!
9450 3 9 The Convict 1603 Michael Hey, look at me, I'm a baby! I'm one of those babies from "Look Who's Talking." What am I thinking? Look at all those staplers! What's a stapler!? I don't even know, I'm a baby! Hey, Mom, I'm thirsty! I'm thirsty, Mama! I want some milk. And you know where milk comes from! Breasts.
9451 3 9 The Convict 1604 Karen Hey.
9452 3 9 The Convict 1604 Jim Hey.
9453 3 9 The Convict 1604 Karen ...Almost done?
9454 3 9 The Convict 1604 Jim Just about... yup. Now.
9455 3 9 The Convict 1605 Jim Yes. I have started to see Karen. It's very new, and... not really ready to talk about it openly yet, just because, I think, once the word gets out there, it might affect the way people behave around us or... I dunno. Just, not yet.
9456 3 9 The Convict 1606 Michael Yeah, Jan, it um... looks like a check, piece of paper of some sort. Receipt. I don't know.
9457 3 9 The Convict 1606 Angela Jan, this is Angela Martin from accounting.
9458 3 9 The Convict 1606 Jan Mmhmm.
9459 3 9 The Convict 1606 Angela Look, we have a rebate from... the Federal Work Opportunity Program and no one knows what that means.
9460 3 9 The Convict 1606 Jan We get that money for hiring an ex-convict.
9461 3 9 The Convict 1606 Michael I didn't hire an ex-convict. Unless they mean Toby. Convicted rapist. ... I'm just kidding.
9462 3 9 The Convict 1606 Jan When did the check come?
9463 3 9 The Convict 1606 Angela Last week.
9464 3 9 The Convict 1606 Jan Okay, that's when the branches merged, so Josh must have been taking advantage of this program. Smart move.
9465 3 9 The Convict 1606 Angela One of the Stamford people is a criminal?
9466 3 9 The Convict 1606 Michael Hey Jan, speaking of Stamford, Hannah brought in her baby.
9467 3 9 The Convict 1606 Angela Jan, which one of the new employees is a criminal?
9468 3 9 The Convict 1606 Jan Uh, reformed convict, and, uh, I'm not sure. Though hang on, let me email our HR, stay on the line.
9469 3 9 The Convict 1606 Pam Who is it?
9470 3 9 The Convict 1606 Michael Hannah?
9471 3 9 The Convict 1606 Kevin Hmm.
9472 3 9 The Convict 1606 Angela Hmm.
9473 3 9 The Convict 1606 Kevin Andy.
9474 3 9 The Convict 1606 Angela Andy?
9475 3 9 The Convict 1606 Kevin Hmm. Martin?
9476 3 9 The Convict 1606 Michael Kuhhhh... you are such a racist.
9477 3 9 The Convict 1606 Kevin Wait, why am I a racist?
9478 3 9 The Convict 1606 Michael Because you think he's black.
9479 3 9 The Convict 1606 Kevin He is black... right? And...
9480 3 9 The Convict 1606 Michael Stop it. Stop it right-stop it right now.
9481 3 9 The Convict 1606 Jan ...Okay it's someone named Martin Nash.
9482 3 9 The Convict 1606 Kevin Yeah!
9483 3 9 The Convict 1606 Jan Michael?
9484 3 9 The Convict 1607 Michael Why did the convict have to be a black guy? It is such a stereotype. I just wish that Josh had made a more progressive choice. Like a white guy... who went to prison for... polluting a black guy's lake.
9485 3 9 The Convict 1608 Kevin I wonder what he did.
9486 3 9 The Convict 1608 Michael In our society, a black man can be arrested for almost anything. He was probably at a sporting event and... saw some people pushing each other, and he intervened.
9487 3 9 The Convict 1608 Pam Why would anyone go to jail for that?
9488 3 9 The Convict 1608 Michael Sssssso, what we need to do... is to forget about this whole Martin in prison thing. People will draw unfair conclusions about Martin and or black people.
9489 3 9 The Convict 1608 Kevin Cool.
9490 3 9 The Convict 1608 Pam Okay. Angela?
9491 3 9 The Convict 1608 Angela Sure. Let's protect the convicts. At the expense of the general feeling of safety in the workplace. As a 90-pound female that sits in an ill-lit, rarely-visited corner of the office, naturally I agree with that.
9492 3 9 The Convict 1608 Michael Good. All right.
9493 3 9 The Convict 1609 Jim Jim Halpert.
9494 3 9 The Convict 1609 Andy I am so horny.
9495 3 9 The Convict 1609 Jim ...Okay I can't... help you... with that.
9496 3 9 The Convict 1609 Andy Oh, I think you can, Big Tuna. Tell me about that Indian chick, Kelly. She seems pretty slutty. Good for a romp in the sack.
9497 3 9 The Convict 1609 Jim She is dating Ryan, I think.
9498 3 9 The Convict 1609 Andy Oh, and I care why?
9499 3 9 The Convict 1609 Jim She's... high-maintenance.
9500 3 9 The Convict 1609 Andy Next. How about... . Blondes are more fun. C'mon, trust me on that.
9501 3 9 The Convict 1609 Jim Yeah, trust me, that would be fun for no one.
9502 3 9 The Convict 1609 Andy Okay fine. Um. Pam, the receptionist. Paaam. Should I go for it?
9503 3 9 The Convict 1609 Jim ...Absolutely you should.
9504 3 9 The Convict 1609 Andy Jackpot.
9505 3 9 The Convict 1610 Michael Just... try to be cool.
9506 3 9 The Convict 1610 Dwight I am cool.
9507 3 9 The Convict 1610 Michael Okay, are you cool, really?
9508 3 9 The Convict 1610 Dwight I'm cool, I'm cool, I'm so cool. Tell me what is going on.
9509 3 9 The Convict 1610 Michael Um... Martin, from Stamford, was, at one time, in prison. No. Dwight! Be cool! Be cool!
9510 3 9 The Convict 1611 Dwight I am greatly concerned about having a convict in the office. And I do not care if that convict is white, black, Asian, German, or some kind of halfsy. I do not like criminals.
9511 3 9 The Convict 1612 Andy All... righty, let's get started. What is she into?
9512 3 9 The Convict 1613 Jim I know Pam pretty well. I know the things that she likes, and, just as important, I know the things that she hates. So, one of the things that she likes is pranks. And, the things that she hates...
9513 3 9 The Convict 1614 Jim Frisbee-based competitions...
9514 3 9 The Convict 1614 Andy Are you kidding?
9515 3 9 The Convict 1614 Jim She...
9516 3 9 The Convict 1614 Andy I started the main Frisbee golf club at Cornell. Where I went to college. I live to frolf.
9517 3 9 The Convict 1614 Jim Lead off with that. She loves hunting. She also loves those ads for Six Flags, with the old guy. Got it. Also... do you speak pig latin?
9518 3 9 The Convict 1615 Michael Hey Martin, how's it going?
9519 3 9 The Convict 1615 Martin Good. Getting settled, you know?
9520 3 9 The Convict 1615 Michael Ah. Good good. Good. Just a second. Everybody? May I have your attention please? I realize that a lot of you have already heard that Martin here has had some trouble with the law, but I just want to declare publicly that I... trust... him, completely, and that anybody who doesn't is an ignorant, dumb... person. Okay? As a matter of fact, you show me a white man you trust and I will show you a black man that I trust even more. Pam. Tell me a white person you trust.
9521 3 9 The Convict 1615 Pam My dad.
9522 3 9 The Convict 1615 Michael ...Danny Glover. Yeah.
9523 3 9 The Convict 1615 Jim Jonas Salk.
9524 3 9 The Convict 1615 Michael Who?
9525 3 9 The Convict 1615 Jim Justin Timberlake?
9526 3 9 The Convict 1615 Michael Oh. Please. Colin Powell.
9527 3 9 The Convict 1615 Karen Hey I got one.
9528 3 9 The Convict 1615 Michael Yup.
9529 3 9 The Convict 1615 Karen Jesus.
9530 3 9 The Convict 1615 Michael Apollo Creed.
9531 3 9 The Convict 1616 Michael Close your eyes. Picture a convict. What's he wearing? Nothing special, baseball cap on backwards, baggy pants... he says something ordinary like... 'yo, thats shizzle.' Okay. Now slowly open your eyes again. Who are you picturing? A black man? Wrong. That was a white woman. Surprised? Well, shame on you.
9532 3 9 The Convict 1617 Martin So... you all wanna know what I was in for?
9533 3 9 The Convict 1617 Michael No. That's not cool. You don't have to tell them.
9534 3 9 The Convict 1617 Martin Um, I really don't mind. It was a stupid mistake. I was working in finance and, I... got involved in some insider trading. So, I spent a little time in the clink.
9535 3 9 The Convict 1617 Michael That is awesome.
9536 3 9 The Convict 1618 Kevin I had Martin explain to me three times what he got arrested for, because... it sounds an awful lot like what I do here every day.
9537 3 9 The Convict 1619 Pam What was prison like?
9538 3 9 The Convict 1619 Martin Not terrible. Boring. We do the same thing every day. But... at least we got outdoors time.
9539 3 9 The Convict 1619 Kevin You got outdoors time?
9540 3 9 The Convict 1619 Martin Two hours, every day. Sometimes we'd play pickup football games...
9541 3 9 The Convict 1619 Kevin Michael, why don't we get outdoors time?
9542 3 9 The Convict 1619 Pam Yeah, some days I never go outside.
9543 3 9 The Convict 1619 Michael Well, we are running a business, so.
9544 3 9 The Convict 1619 Meredith What was your cell like?
9545 3 9 The Convict 1619 Martin Not good. Uh... a little bit bigger than Michael's office... but, you know, I really only slept there. You know, during the day, there-our time's our own. They had uh, classes, I took some... watercolor classes.
9546 3 9 The Convict 1619 Pam They have art classes?
9547 3 9 The Convict 1619 Martin Yeap. Yeah.
9548 3 9 The Convict 1619 Ryan They have business classes there?
9549 3 9 The Convict 1619 Martin They did, taught by some uh, Harvard business school guys--a lot of the guys also, that were in the class, the inmates, a lot of them have gone on to do extraordinary things in business.
9550 3 9 The Convict 1619 Pam Kinda sounds like... prison's... better than Dunder-Mifflin.
9551 3 9 The Convict 1619 Michael Ah. Well. That's not true.
9552 3 9 The Convict 1619 Kevin I would so rather be in prison.
9553 3 9 The Convict 1619 Ryan Prison sounds great.
9554 3 9 The Convict 1619 Michael No you would not.
9555 3 9 The Convict 1620 Michael This place is not prison. It's... way better than prison.
9556 3 9 The Convict 1621 Creed Baby. Hello baby. Here you want to play with this?
9557 3 9 The Convict 1621 Karen You can't give paperclips to a baby. He could swallow.
9558 3 9 The Convict 1621 Creed Oh, it's okay. I've got tons of them. You like that? Goo-goo-goo-goo?
9559 3 9 The Convict 1622 Andy Pam-a-lama-ding-dong. Listen, you're cute. There is no gettin' around it. So... I don't know if you like country music, but I was thinking maybe one of these days we could drive out to a field, crank up some tunes, smoke a few Macanudos... maybe even toss a disk around. Utway ooday ooyay inkthay, Ampay?
9560 3 9 The Convict 1622 Pam Wow... I--
9561 3 9 The Convict 1622 Andy Shh. Think about it. I'll hit you back.
9562 3 9 The Convict 1623 Pam Wow. That was... wow.
9563 3 9 The Convict 1624 Michael Okay! Listen up everybody! Um, you guys said that prison was better than this place, and I heard ya, loud and clear, so, I am instituting some changes to make this more like prison. We are going to start with an hour of outdoor time. So let's go!
9564 3 9 The Convict 1625 Pam Michael, it's freezing out.
9565 3 9 The Convict 1625 Phyllis I can't feel my toes.
9566 3 9 The Convict 1625 Michael Why don't we... pump some iron? Anyone wanna... pump up?
9567 3 9 The Convict 1625 Jim What is that, like... five pounds?
9568 3 9 The Convict 1625 Michael It's uh... two and a half. I'm not going for bulk, I'm going for tone.
9569 3 9 The Convict 1625 Stanley I'm going back inside.
9570 3 9 The Convict 1625 Michael Yeah, it's... freaking cold out here. Anybody wants to stay out, you've got about... twenty-seven minutes of rec time.
9571 3 9 The Convict 1626 Michael Oh heyyy. Martiiin. You have TV in the joint?
9572 3 9 The Convict 1626 Martin Yeah, in the rec room.
9573 3 9 The Convict 1626 Michael Ah. A ten inch black and white?
9574 3 9 The Convict 1626 Martin Actually, our TV was bigger than that one.
9575 3 9 The Convict 1627 Michael These people don't realize how lucky they are. This office is the American Dream. And they would rather be in the hole.
9576 3 9 The Convict 1628 Jim Oh. Andy. I thought of one last tact you can take with Pam.
9577 3 9 The Convict 1628 Andy Yeah.
9578 3 9 The Convict 1628 Jim Quick question - do you play the guitar?
9579 3 9 The Convict 1628 Andy I play the banjo.
9580 3 9 The Convict 1628 Jim Hold on, let me think about that, yes, that'll work. But can you sing in a sexy high falsetto voice?
9581 3 9 The Convict 1628 Andy You know I can, my man.
9582 3 9 The Convict 1628 Jim Yup. That's perfect.
9583 3 9 The Convict 1628 Karen Hey.
9584 3 9 The Convict 1628 Jim Hey.
9585 3 9 The Convict 1628 Andy I'm gonna go get my banjo out of my car.
9586 3 9 The Convict 1628 Jim Perfect.
9587 3 9 The Convict 1628 Karen What is going on?
9588 3 9 The Convict 1628 Jim ...I'm messing with Andy. I'm sending him to all the women in the office with... just... terrible information on how to get them to go out with him.
9589 3 9 The Convict 1628 Karen I love it. I want in. Who's the target?
9590 3 9 The Convict 1628 Jim ...Oh, you know what? ... It was... gonna be Pam, but...
9591 3 9 The Convict 1628 Karen Perfect. What do I do? Just give me an assignment.
9592 3 9 The Convict 1628 Jim Uh, you know what though? I feel like I already sicked him on Pam... we'll give her a break. Let's think of someone else.
9593 3 9 The Convict 1629 Michael All right everybody, there has been a lot of name calling against our office today. Corporate maligning, slurring, much of it coming from one of you, who claims that prison is better... than... here. And none of can say "Boo" because none of us have ever been to prison. Well, there's somebody I'd like you to meet. Somebody else who has been to prison, who can tell you what it is really like . I'm prison Mike! You know why they call me prison Mike?!
9594 3 9 The Convict 1629 Angela Do you really expect us to believe you're somebody else?
9595 3 9 The Convict 1629 Michael Do you really expect me to not push you up against the wall, beeyotch?! All right, hey, hey, hey, hey, that's just the way we talk in the clink. Been a lot of fun talk about prison today, but I am here to scare you straight. I AM HERE TO SCARE YOU STRAIIIGHT!! In prison you are somebody's bitch. Oh, and you. You, my friend, would be da belle of da ball. Don't drop the soap! Don't drop the soap!
9596 3 9 The Convict 1629 Ryan Michael, please.
9597 3 9 The Convict 1629 Jim Where... did you learn all of this?
9598 3 9 The Convict 1629 Michael Internet.
9599 3 9 The Convict 1629 Jim So, not prison.
9600 3 9 The Convict 1629 Michael And prison. Eh, fifty-fifty, both. Look, prison stinks, is what I'm saying. It's not like you can go home, and, recharge your batteries, and come back in the morning and, be with your friends, having fun in the office.
9601 3 9 The Convict 1629 Jim What'd you do, Prison Mike?
9602 3 9 The Convict 1629 Michael I stole. ... And I robbed. And I kidnapped... the... president's son. And held him for ransom.
9603 3 9 The Convict 1629 Jim That is... quite the rap sheet, Prison Mike.
9604 3 9 The Convict 1629 Michael And I nevah got caught, neither.
9605 3 9 The Convict 1629 Jim Well, you're... in... prison, but, mmhmm.
9606 3 9 The Convict 1629 Pam Prison Mike? What was the food like in prison?
9607 3 9 The Convict 1629 Michael Gruel. Sandwiches. Gruel omelettes. Nothing but gruel. Plus, you can eat your own hair.
9608 3 9 The Convict 1629 Andy Wow. Prison sounds horrible.
9609 3 9 The Convict 1629 Michael Yeah. Yeah. Well, thank you, Andy. Tanks.
9610 3 9 The Convict 1629 Dwight Prison Mike. What's the very very worst thing about prison?
9611 3 9 The Convict 1629 Angela Don't encourage him, Dwight.
9612 3 9 The Convict 1629 Michael The worst thing about prison was the... was the Dementors. They... were flying all over the place, and they were scary. And they'd come down, and they'd suck the soul out of your body, and it hurt!
9613 3 9 The Convict 1629 Karen Demen-Dementors like in Harry Potter?
9614 3 9 The Convict 1629 Michael No, not Harry Potter. ... There are no movies in prison. This is my point! You guys got it soft, and cushy! This place is freaking awesome! The people are awesome! Your boss is nice! Everyone seems to get along! People are tolerant! People who... have jumped to conclusions can redeem themselves! Nobody is nobody's bitch. I hope that this scared you. And from me, Prison Mike, to you, I just wanna thank you for listening to me. Letting me be a part of your life today. 'Cause you got a good life! YOu got a good life. A good life. So. What do you think? It doesn't sound so great, does it?
9615 3 9 The Convict 1629 Pam Wow. Thank you. Um, that must have been hard for you to relive that. Both of you.
9616 3 9 The Convict 1629 Martin Yeah, that... wasn't really... at all my experience. There were certain elements of what you performed, I've seen on television. But it didn't remind me of my time in prison.
9617 3 9 The Convict 1629 Michael Okay. Okay, fine. You guys think prison is so great? All right. Well, here you go.
9618 3 9 The Convict 1629 Jim Okay, Michael. Come on. Let us out.
9619 3 9 The Convict 1629 Michael No! If you think is prison is so wonderful, then, enjoy prison! They are such babies. I am going to leave them in there until they can appreciate what it's like to have freedom. And if this doesn't bother them, then I am out of ideas.
9620 3 9 The Convict 1630 Kevin Hey! Let us out of here! Hey! I have--
9621 3 9 The Convict 1630 Hannah Shh!
9622 3 9 The Convict 1631 Toby This is Toby. Hey Pam. Where are you calling from?
9623 3 9 The Convict 1632 Toby Michael. Why's everyone locked in the conference room?
9624 3 9 The Convict 1632 Michael They were very disrespectful to me, and to the office. And Martin has had a bad influence, to think that I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
9625 3 9 The Convict 1632 Toby Well, you're going to have to let 'em out. Or... or I will.
9626 3 9 The Convict 1632 Michael Okay. You know what Toby? I am teaching them a lesson, so.
9627 3 9 The Convict 1632 Toby You know they're teasing you. I mean... obviously, this is... a much nicer place than an actual prison. We get paid to be here. We go home afterwards and have social lives. We have... we have parties here. They're teasing you. To be funny.
9628 3 9 The Convict 1632 Michael Okay nutcases, get out of there! Good work. Long day. Really long. Why don't you guys head home. Early. Time off for good behavior! Heh. Good job. Enjoy your freedoms!
9629 3 9 The Convict 1633 Michael Martin went from being a new guy from Stamford... to a convict, to... my friend. Back to a convict. Then to... a kind of a nuisance, actually, to be completely honest. And finally, to... a quitter. And I will not miss him. And that is not because he is black.
9630 3 9 The Convict 1634 Andy So we've been told, and some choose to believe it, I know they're wrong, wait and see, 'cause one day we'll find it, the ainbowray onnectionkay, the lovers, the dreamers, and meeee...
9631 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1635 Dwight Merry Christmas!
9632 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1635 Pam Merry Christ-- NO! Why... why did you bring that here?
9633 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1635 Dwight Don't worry, she's dead. Oh wait. He's dead.
9634 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1635 Pam Dwight, what uh...
9635 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1635 Dwight I accidentally ran over it. It's a Christmas miracle!
9636 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1635 Pam Well, get it out of here.
9637 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1635 Dwight Relax, OK. And because this is Christmas, I am going to roast this goose and prepare it with a wild rice dressing. Do we have any cayenne pepper in the kitchen?
9638 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1635 Jim Merry Christmas Dwight.
9639 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1635 Dwight Jim.
9640 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1635 Jim Wow. What have we got here?
9641 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1635 Dwight What does it look like?
9642 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1635 Jim Dead goose.
9643 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1635 Dwight And circle gets the square.
9644 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1635 Jim All right.
9645 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1635 Dwight So can you watch this? I'm gonna get my carving knife out of the trunk.
9646 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1635 Toby Oh, Dwight, we talked about this.
9647 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1635 Dwight No, Toby, this is different. He's already dead.
9648 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1636 Dwight Once I brought in a duck. To prepare for lunch. And people got upset. Apparently, they got attached to the duck and didn't want to see it killed.
9649 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1637 Dwight He was already dead. And we Schrutes use every part of the goose. The meat has a delicious, smoky, rich flavor. Plus you can use the molten goose grease and save it in the refrigerator, thus saving you a trip to the store for a can of expensive goose grease.
9650 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1637 Jim Wow. Win-Win.
9651 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1637 Dwight Exactly. Thank you, Jim.
9652 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1637 Phyllis I like goose. If it's already dead is it so crazy we eat it?
9653 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1637 Creed That's crazy. It's crazy.
9654 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1637 Toby Dwight, you cannot keep that here.
9655 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1637 Dwight Ok, that is ridiculous. And totally against the spirit of Christmas.
9656 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1637 Toby Come on Dwight. We went over this, like for a half an hour.
9657 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1637 Dwight It's Christmas Toby.
9658 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1637 Toby It's a dead animal in an office. You can't...
9659 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1637 Dwight Toby...
9660 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1637 Toby I'm sorry.
9661 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1637 Dwight Please? Please?
9662 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1637 Toby Clean it in your car.
9663 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1637 Pam I would like it off my desk.
9664 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1637 Dwight Oh Pam. Take a chill pill.
9665 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1638 Michael Deck the halls with boughs of holly. Fa la la la la la la la la. 'Tis the ... ack. Hey! I would like a nice slice of Christmas Pam. Side of candied Pams. And perhaps, some Pam-chops, with mint...
9666 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1638 Pam Can I help you, Michael?
9667 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1638 Michael I'm looking for the toy drive box.
9668 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1638 Pam It's behind you.
9669 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1638 Michael OK... Well, I need to put this bike in there. I hope it'll fit, with all these little knickknacks.
9670 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1638 Jim Wow. What kind of bike is that?
9671 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1638 Michael Umm... I don't know? Average kind?
9672 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1638 Kevin The tires look pretty worn.
9673 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1638 Michael Well, that is probably from the test drive.
9674 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1638 Jim But the paint's chipping. Is that your old bike, Michael?
9675 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1638 Michael No.
9676 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1638 Andy Yo, Michael, sweet ride Mike.
9677 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1638 Michael Oh, thanks.
9678 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1638 Pam Michael?
9679 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1638 Michael Yes? Oh Pam, that is so sweet. You didn't have to do that.
9680 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1638 Pam I didn't, it's from corporate.
9681 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1638 Michael OK. Did everybody get one of these?
9682 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1638 Pam Yup.
9683 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1638 Michael Terrific. Good.
9684 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1639 Michael This is going to be the best Christmas ever. My girlfriend Carol is coming to our party tonight, and I have a little surprise for her. I've got two tickets to paradise! Pack your bags, we're leaving the day-after-tomorrow! Um, taking her to Sandals, Jamaica, all-inclusive. All-inclusive. You know what that means? Right? Yeah.
9685 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1640 Creed And a happy holiday to you.
9686 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1641 Jim Carol.
9687 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1641 Carol Hi, is Michael around here?
9688 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1641 Michael There she is. A Christmas Carol. Hello You're about five hours early to the party. You're such a blonde.
9689 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1641 Carol Michael.
9690 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1641 Michael Hey, everybody. I don't know who you haven't met yet, but I think this is one of them. This is my girlfriend - Carol. This is just the front of her. Show 'em, show 'em the other side.
9691 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1641 Carol What?
9692 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1641 Michael Turn around, turn around. Come on.
9693 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1641 Carol Get outta here.
9694 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1641 Michael No, you get outta here.
9695 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1641 Andy Michael
9696 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1641 Michael Yes.
9697 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1641 Andy If I may say. She's even prettier that you described her.
9698 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1641 Dwight Oh, ouch. Michael, I don't think there is anything wrong with the way you described her.
9699 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1641 Michael Thank you.
9700 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1641 Carol I really need a moment alone with you.
9701 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1641 Michael Not as much as I need a moment alone with you. Berp.
9702 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1642 Carol What is this?
9703 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1642 Michael That is my Christmas card. It's a picture of you and me and your kids on a ski trip, having a blast. Ski-sons Greetings.
9704 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1642 Carol No. See, we never went on a ski trip.
9705 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1642 Michael I know.
9706 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1642 Carol I went on a ski trip.
9707 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1642 Michael Right.
9708 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1642 Carol Two years ago with my kids and my ex-husband.
9709 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1642 Michael Yes, but what you didn't realize at the time was that I was with you in a sense. I was in your heart...
9710 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1642 Carol Michael.
9711 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1642 Michael And next to your kids. What?
9712 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1642 Carol This is so weird.
9713 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1642 Michael I don't understand?
9714 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1643 Jim It's a bold move, to Photoshop yourself into a picture with your girlfriend and her kids on a ski trip with their real father. But then again, Michael's a bold guy. Is bold the right word?
9715 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1644 Carol I think you're a really sweet guy.
9716 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1644 Michael OK
9717 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1644 Carol But, um, I don't know how to deal with, with this thing . And, and the proposal. And I don't think things are going to work out with us.
9718 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1644 Michael No, no no no Ok, OK, You know what, you're not thinking straight. You know what you need? You need to think this through in Jamaica's largest fresh water pool.
9719 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1644 Carol What are you talking about?
9720 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1644 Michael I got us tickets to Sandals, Jamaica, We leave day after tomorrow. . You better find the skimpiest bikini there is.
9721 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1644 Carol Oh, no. Michael.
9722 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1644 Michael And it's all inclusive.
9723 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1644 Carol Michael...
9724 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1644 Michael Yes.
9725 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1644 Carol I'm sorry.
9726 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1644 Michael No, Carol. You walk out that door and it is over.
9727 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1644 Carol I know.
9728 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1645 Pam Psst. Jim. Um, hey. I need to give you your Christmas gift now because, well, I'll just tell you.
9729 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1645 Jim What?
9730 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1645 Pam For the past few months I've been sending Dwight letters from the CIA.
9731 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1645 Jim Are you serious?
9732 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1645 Pam They're considering him for a top secret mission. There's his application. Oh, and this is where I made him list every secret he promised he'd never ever tell.
9733 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1645 Jim Last year, my boss, Michael Scott, took a day off because he said he had pneumonia, but really, he was leaving early to go to magic camp. Wow.
9734 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1645 Pam So... here's the gift. You get to decide what his top secret mission is. Sorry I didn't wrap it.
9735 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1645 Jim You know what? Uh, I really don't think I should be doing this stuff anymore, you know?
9736 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1645 Pam Oh.
9737 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1645 Jim No, because of the promotion.
9738 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1645 Pam Oh yeah.
9739 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1645 Jim It just feels a little bit, like...
9740 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1645 Pam No, I get it, of course. OK.
9741 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1646 Jim I feel like there's a chance for me to start over. And if I fall back into the same kind of things I used to do., then ... what am I doing?
9742 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1647 Michael I'd like everybody's attention. Christmas is canceled.
9743 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1647 Stanley You can't cancel a holiday.
9744 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1647 Michael Keep it up Stanley and you will lose New Year's.
9745 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1647 Stanley What does that mean?
9746 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1647 Michael Jim, take New Year's away from Stanley.
9747 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1647 Pam Michael, what's going on?
9748 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1647 Michael Carol and I split up. Amicably. And I just don't think it would be appropriate to celebrate under the circumstances.
9749 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1647 Jim Will they still air 'Rudolph?'
9750 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1647 Kevin That's not fair.
9751 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1647 Dwight Are we gonna cancel Hanukah as well?
9752 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1647 Michael Fine! Have your party. Just no guests.
9753 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1647 Phyllis But we invited guests.
9754 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1647 Michael Well, you know what Phyllis? All of your guests would have probably canceled at the last minute anyway, leaving your life a stupid rotten mess.
9755 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1648 Michael Oh, oh, oh, oh, it hurts.
9756 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1648 Pam I know.
9757 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1648 Michael It hurts my heart. It hurts my stomach. It hurts my arms.
9758 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1648 Pam OK, well, why are you laying like that?
9759 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1648 Michael Thanks. How did you push away the bad thoughts?
9760 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1648 Pam Like what?
9761 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1648 Michael Like maybe, the real reason they left was because there were things they wanted you to do in bed, that were, foreign, and scary?
9762 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1648 Pam Well.. um I, I don't...
9763 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1648 Michael And not that you didn't want to try them. Some wine may have helped. Do you know what I'm referring to?
9764 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1648 Pam I don't need to know.
9765 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1648 Dwight Michael. Sorry to interrupt. Uh, It appears we're one bathrobe short.
9766 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1648 Michael Take it from Toby.
9767 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1648 Dwight Copy.
9768 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1648 Michael Hey, would you like to go to Sandals, Jamaica with me?
9769 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1648 Pam No, thank you.
9770 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1648 Michael It's all... OK.
9771 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1649 Toby Hey Dwight. Pretty nice robe- Why?
9772 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1650 Angela Phyllis, I need you to pick up green streamers at lunch.
9773 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1650 Phyllis I thought you said green was whorish.
9774 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1650 Angela No, orange is whorish.
9775 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1650 Karen Uh, so I had a couple of ideas to make the Stamford people feel more at home. Each year we have a Christmas raffle ... .
9776 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1650 Angela It would never work here.
9777 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1650 Karen Ok ... um, another idea was karaoke ...
9778 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1650 Angela No.
9779 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1650 Karen A Christmas drinking game ...
9780 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1650 Meredith Yes.
9781 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1650 Angela God help you.
9782 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1650 Karen What?
9783 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1650 Angela These are all terrible ideas and none of them are on the theme of "A Nutcracker Christmas." I think you should leave.
9784 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1650 Karen You're kidding.
9785 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1650 Angela You tried this out, and it's clearly not for you. It's time to go. Come on. Please. Thank you. OK, thank you very much.
9786 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1651 Michael What are you doing?
9787 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1651 Dwight We are getting rid of everything that reminds you of Carol.
9788 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1651 Andy Hey, what's the haps?
9789 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1651 Michael Carol?
9790 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1651 Dwight Oh, look at this. Your old condo closing papers. It's riddled with Carol's name. I wish I could throw this in the box.
9791 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1651 Dwight Why don't you just buy the whole song?
9792 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1651 Michael I don't have to buy it. I just want to taste it. I just... I just want a little taste of it.
9793 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1651 Dwight Oh, look at this, she saved you two thousand dollars 'cause they failed to report a mold problem. But wouldn't that affect the final... How did she? Oh, oh, I see what she did. That is good. Wow. Carol is one smart cookie.
9794 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1651 Michael Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend.
9795 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1652 Michael This is an old adage, but they say when you find true love, you know within the first 24 hours. With Carol, I knew within the first 24 minutes of the second day I met her.
9796 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1653 Pam I feel like I've been kinda cold to Karen and there's no real reason for it. I mean it's not like she's ever done anything to me. So, I think I probably shouldn't be cold to her.
9797 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1654 Pam Hey, Karen. Sorry about that meeting today, that was really crazy.
9798 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1654 Karen Yeah, right? I'm so glad you said that. Because, I don't know how those meetings usually go.
9799 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1654 Pam Um, usually like that.
9800 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1654 Karen Does anyone ever stand up to Angela or..?
9801 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1654 Pam I think one of her cats did once. She came in with scratches all over her face.
9802 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1654 Karen Right.
9803 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1654 Pam Um, I really liked your karaoke idea.
9804 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1654 Karen Oh cool, yeah.
9805 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1654 Pam That could really be fun.
9806 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1654 Karen Oh, thank you.
9807 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1654 Pam You guys do a raffle?
9808 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1654 Karen Yeah, we do a raffle...
9809 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1655 Toby Hey Kev.
9810 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1655 Kevin Hey.
9811 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1656 Angela This should've been up yesterday.
9812 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1656 Phyllis It'll be all right.
9813 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1656 Angela What is that? The "Committee to Plan Parties invites you to a margarita-karaoke Christmas?" There's no such thing as the "Committee to Plan Parties."
9814 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1656 Pam There is now. We just started it.
9815 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1656 Angela Well, you just can't start a committee. You have to have funding.
9816 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1656 Karen What's your funding?
9817 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1656 Angela Two hundred dollars.
9818 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1656 Pam What's ours again?
9819 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1656 Karen Umm, two hundred and one dollars.
9820 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1656 Pam Oh right.
9821 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1656 Kelly Hey, a margarita-karaoke Christmas party, that sounds like fun.
9822 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1656 Angela No, that is not a party. There's only one party and it's hosted by the Party PLANNING Committee and it starts at three o'clock.
9823 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1656 Kevin Then why are there two flyers?
9824 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1656 Karen Oh, I understand that this is confusing for everyone, let me explain. There's a party that starts at three.
9825 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1656 Kevin Right.
9826 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1656 Karen And then there's a way more fun party that starts at two forty-five.
9827 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1656 Pam Right, and if you're interested in the way more fun party, all the info can be found here on our more brightly colored flyer.
9828 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1656 Kevin I didn't see where it was.
9829 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1657 Jim Yup, looks like the Scranton people and the Stamford people are finally coming together. And that's what you want, right?
9830 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1658 Karen I think that's a really good option...
9831 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1658 Dwight Pam and Karen. I am ordering you to cease and desist all party planning. Immediately.
9832 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1658 Pam You can't do that.
9833 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1658 Dwight As ranking number three in this office, I am order -
9834 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1658 Andy Umm... I'm number three.
9835 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1658 Dwight You're number four.
9836 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1658 Andy Yeah, but I'm number three.
9837 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1658 Dwight Ah, no. You must turn over to me all Christmas decorations and party paraphernalia immediately that will be returned to you on January fourth.
9838 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1658 Jim OK, I think I can help here.
9839 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1658 Dwight Ok, good
9840 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1658 Jim As ranking number two, I am starting a committee to determine the validity of the two committees and I am the sole member. The committee will act on this now.
9841 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1658 Dwight OK, this is stupid.
9842 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1658 Jim Could you please keep it down? I'm in session. I've determined that this committee is valid.
9843 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1658 Dwight No no, no, wait, wait, wait Permission to join the Validity Committee.
9844 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1658 Jim Permission denied.
9845 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1658 Dwight Damn it!
9846 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1659 Andy Hey. I can't concentrate when I know you're in pain, man. Let me take you to lunch. C'mon, my treat.
9847 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1659 Michael All right. Nothing here to distract myself with anyway.
9848 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1659 Andy That's my boy. I know the perfect place, too.
9849 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1659 Michael Hooters?
9850 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1659 Andy No. Benihana. Much classier. But don't worry, the babes are totally hot, too.
9851 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1659 Michael Ah, I need my entourage Jim. Dwight. Ryan. C'mon, we're going to Asian Hooters.
9852 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1659 Ryan Ah man, I can't.
9853 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1659 Michael Why not?
9854 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1659 Ryan I'm not feeling so well. I've got a ton of work to do here. MSG allergy, peanut allergy, I just ate there last night.
9855 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1659 Michael Ok, feel better.
9856 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1659 Ryan Thanks.
9857 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1659 Michael C'mon Jim, let's go.
9858 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1659 Jim OK. Wow, thanks for taking all the excuses, dude.
9859 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1659 Ryan Doctor appointment, car trouble, plantar warts, granddad fought in World War II. Use your head, man. I keep mine in here. Look alive, Halpert. Welcome back.
9860 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1660 Michael Bros before hos. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They have got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho and you told her she was the only ho for you. And that she was better than all the other hos in the world. And then ... and then suddenly she's not yo' ho no mo'.
9861 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1661 Andy So she looks really hot, so I said, "You look hotter than usual today." Thank you. Michael Head of the table.
9862 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1661 Dwight Get out Jim. Actually, um... Sir, I'm going to need take this chair.
9863 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1661 Michael Dwight, just, just leave them alone please. They're on a date. They look very happy.
9864 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1661 Jim Yes.
9865 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1661 Dwight I can't... I can't here what you're saying.
9866 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1661 Michael Carol used to drink lattes.
9867 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1661 Dwight What're you talking about?
9868 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1661 Michael She would get this little foam mustache...
9869 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1661 Dwight Carol had a mustache?
9870 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1661 Michael And I used to say "Hey, got latte?" And she'd say, that's not funny.
9871 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1661 Dwight What are you guys talking about?
9872 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1661 Michael She totally got me. She understood that we didn't have to laugh to enjoy ---
9873 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1661 Dwight Michael! Repeat what you said louder!
9874 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1662 Dwight It is my job to be there for Michael. How can I be there for Michael if I'm here for Michael?
9875 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1663 Michael I'm already starting to forget what color eyes she had. I can't, OK, I'm gonna call her. I am gonna call and find out...
9876 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1663 Andy No.
9877 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1663 Dwight Who are you calling?
9878 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1663 Michael I'm just gonna call her.
9879 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1663 Andy Put that away. Put that away. S.O.S. We... I... May day. Haha. Man down over here, we need your help.
9880 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1663 Waitress What can I get for 'ya?
9881 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1663 Andy I think we'll start with a round of noga-sakes.
9882 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1664 Andy One part eggnog, three parts sake. Some places won't make it for you though, because eggnog is seasonal.
9883 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1665 Phyllis You should, you should put out salt for the rims
9884 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1665 Pam That's a great idea.
9885 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1665 Angela Phyllis?
9886 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1665 Phyllis I was just getting a snack.
9887 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1665 Pam You can have your snack in here.
9888 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1665 Angela Pam, don't tell her what to do! Phyllis.
9889 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1665 Phyllis OK.
9890 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1666 Kevin I think I'll go to Angela's party, because that's the party I know.
9891 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1667 Ryan I miss the days when there was only one party I didn't want to go to.
9892 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1668 Roy So I only use three?
9893 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1668 Pam If you're using more than three pieces of tape to wrap a present, you're doing it wrong.
9894 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1668 Roy OK. And where to do you get all those cool bows?
9895 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1668 Pam Oh, I just get those at any party supply place.
9896 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1668 Roy OK. Are you sure I can't use like, the cartoons from the newspaper?
9897 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1668 Pam Oh yeah, your mom would love that.
9898 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1668 Roy Hey. All right, I'll see you guys later.
9899 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1668 Pam Bye.
9900 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1668 Karen He's cute. You should date him.
9901 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1668 Pam Oh, yeah... Maybe.
9902 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1669 Dwight Looks like you've got a little Nakiri knife action going there.
9903 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1669 Chef No, it's Usuba.
9904 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1669 Dwight Yeah, I bet you wish you had a Nakiri, though.
9905 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1669 Chef Actually, the Usuba's the better knife when you're working with this quantity.
9906 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1669 Dwight Nah, I don't know... Still think Nakiri's better.
9907 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1669 Woman at bar I think he'd know.
9908 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1670 Michael Nothing he's doing is cheering me up.
9909 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1670 Andy Wait for the onion. Trust me. Hey Cindy, he just had his heart broken, you wouldn't do that to him, would you?
9910 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1670 Cindy I don't know.
9911 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1670 Michael Oh, sure you would. Look at you, I bet you break up with a guy every hour.
9912 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1670 Andy You made her laugh. Yes! She totally digs us. Watch, watch, watch, watch. Heh, heh? What did I tell 'ya?
9913 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1670 Michael You're right. That's good.
9914 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1671 Pam Hello everyone. We would just like to announce that our party is starting now in the break room. So... you can come by... .
9915 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1671 Angela I have a very important announcement to make... about... your paychecks. Umm... Your paychecks will be arriving as scheduled on Friday. And they will be in the correct amount that they are normally in... Please stand by for a very important announcement... refer.. for further regarding your paycheck!
9916 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1672 Angela I need to know if I can start the party?
9917 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1672 Dwight Michael! Hey! Over here, Michael!
9918 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1672 Andy This drink...
9919 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1672 Michael I don't know. No one can hear me. You know what? Start the party.
9920 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1672 Angela Did Michael give you permission to do this?
9921 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1672 Dwight Start the party.
9922 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1672 Angela Also, I would like to inform you that, um, as a special treat, my party will be starting early. In fact, it will be starting right now
9923 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1672 Pam Our party is also starting now
9924 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1672 Karen Yup.
9925 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1672 Karen All right Stanley. Woo.
9926 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1672 Pam Good choice.
9927 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1672 Angela Welcome Hannah. You will not be disappointed.
9928 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1672 Hannah Why would I be disappointed?
9929 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1672 Angela I said you wouldn't be disappointed.
9930 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1672 Angela Meredith, if you don't come to my party, you will be very, very sorry.
9931 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1672 Meredith Is that a threat?
9932 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1672 Angela No, it's an invitation.
9933 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1672 Pam We have vodka!
9934 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1672 Karen Lots of it!
9935 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1673 Kevin I hear Angela's party will have double-fudge brownies. It will also have Angela. Double fudge... Angela... double fudge... Angela Hmmm...
9936 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1674 Angela Brownies. Cupcakes.
9937 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1674 Kevin Don't push it.
9938 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1675 Karen Are we taking this too far? You know what, I don't think we're taking this far enough. What?
9939 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1675 Pam I got goose bumps.
9940 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1676 Angela I don't back down. My sister and I used to be best friends, and we haven't talked in 16 years. Over some disagreement, I don't even remember. So... yeah. I'm pretty good.
9941 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1677 Michael Ahh, damn this chicken is good. My compliments to the chef. Which is you! Right? Hahahaha. Awesome! I need some meat. I want some steak. I see steak.
9942 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1677 Man Excuse me.
9943 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1677 Michael Excuse me Ah, un guard. Family style.
9944 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1677 Jim No, it's not.
9945 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1677 Andy Cindy, Cindy.
9946 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1677 Michael I don't think... I love it!
9947 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1677 Andy I want you to close your eyes and imagine your dream house. C'mon, do it for Michael. He's had a really long day.
9948 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1677 Michael I don't know what he's doing.
9949 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1677 Andy This is great.
9950 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1677 Dwight Jim! Jim! What... What's happening?
9951 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1677 Jim Oh, she's asleep.
9952 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1677 Dwight Oh... Narcolepsy.
9953 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1677 Jim Probably.
9954 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1677 Andy Now open your eyes and describe it to me.
9955 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1677 Cindy I... don't know, it has four bed rooms and a loft...
9956 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1677 Dwight Oh my gosh, now she's up.
9957 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1677 Jim And she's trying to correctly butcher a goose, but she's having trouble coming up with it.
9958 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1677 Dwight Oh, OK. Cindy! Yo, Cindy! Cindy! Hold its neck back and insert the knife below the jaw. Bring it all the way around, there's going to be a good amount of blood. Don't let it bother you. Have a bucket there, for the blood... and the innards... and the feathers.
9959 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1678 Jim Oh no, this is different. The CIA thing, that was a prank on Dwight. This is more like a umm... OK, it's pretty much the same thing.
9960 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1679 Kelly What d'ya think?
9961 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1679 Stanley Fruity and delicious.
9962 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1679 Kelly See, I told you. You want one Meredith?
9963 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1679 Meredith No thanks. They're too sweet.
9964 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1679 Karen Hey, so what's the status.
9965 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1679 Ryan Looks like they forgot the power cord.
9966 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1679 Pam What?
9967 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1679 Karen Oh, you're kidding me?
9968 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1679 Ryan No.
9969 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1679 Karen Oh, you guys, guys, um... I'm sorry, but there's a problem with the karaoke machine.
9970 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1679 Kelly Well that blows.
9971 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1679 Darryl Hang on little ladies. You don't need this thing, I'll go grab my synthesizer.
9972 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1679 Everybody Darryl! Darryl! Darryl!
9973 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1679 Phyllis Hi.
9974 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1679 Darryl Hey. Hey, look, when you get done with your... meeting, you should, uh, come to the break room. We're having a party.
9975 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1679 Phyllis Oh, ok.
9976 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1679 Darryl All right. Se you later...
9977 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1679 Hannah These nuts are really hard to crack.
9978 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1679 Angela Try harder then. Uh uh. No one has seconds until everyone's had some.
9979 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1679 Kevin You've got to be kidding!
9980 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1679 Angela You've got to be kidding. {Kevin takes bite of brownie]
9981 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1680 Phyllis Cold, huh?
9982 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1680 Ryan Huh?
9983 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1680 Phyllis Maybe that'll help. Is it cold in there?
9984 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1681 Andy They have been checking us out, all night! I am not kidding!
9985 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1681 Michael You know what we should do?
9986 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1681 Andy What?
9987 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1681 Michael We should invite them to the Christmas party.
9988 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1681 Andy Now, you are thinking. Yes. And you know what? Because you have had such a rough day, you get Cindy.
9989 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1681 Michael Oh, you are such mench my friend.
9990 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1682 Michael OK, where is everybody? I would like them to meet my new girlfriend.
9991 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1682 Jim I'm sure they'll want to meet her, too.
9992 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1683 Michael The least I could do was give some poor sick kid a bike.
9993 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1683 Second Cindy That rocks.
9994 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1683 Michael Nah, you rock. Tell you what, if you want it, it's yours.
9995 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1683 Second Cindy Thanks! I, I wanna give you something.
9996 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1683 Michael Oh. That's what she said.
9997 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1684 Michael Hello? I would like everybody to meet my new girlfriend.
9998 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1684 Andy My new girlfriend.
9999 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1684 Angela Where's Dwight?
10000 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1684 Second Cindy Is he the hot one or the giant baby?
10001 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1684 Michael The giant baby. Wow, I am so sorry, I had no idea this party would be so lame.
10002 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1684 Phyllis There's another party in the break room.
10003 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1684 Michael Oh, party in the break room! Let's go, let's go! Thank God! Let's go to the break room.
10004 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1684 Angela Hey, excuse me! Waitress lady! Hey, where do you think you're going with that?
10005 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1684 Second Cindy I thought I could have it.
10006 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1684 Angela You can't have it I don't walk into your house and steal your Hello Kitty backpack.
10007 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1684 Michael Shhh... Shut it! C'mon! Party.
10008 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1684 Dwight Hey! It's Angela! Hey!
10009 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1684 Michael We're going to ...
10010 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1685 Kevin I want you to know. That I'm happy for you. I wish nothing but...
10011 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1686 Michael I just think there are two, two specific kinds of people in the world. People who own houses and people who own condos. And... my question to you is do you agree?
10012 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1686 Other waitress Do I agree about what?
10013 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1686 Michael Do you agree about what? Wow. You're lucky you're so darn cute.
10014 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1686 Other waitress What're you talking about?
10015 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1686 Michael What're you talking about?
10016 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1687 Kevin And I'm here to remind you of the mess you left when you went away. It's not fair, to deny me of the cross I bear that you give to me. You, you, you, you, you, you, you oughta know ta know.
10017 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1687 Jim All right
10018 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1688 Angela Did you have fun at Benihana's?
10019 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1688 Dwight No. It was awful. I couldn't hear anything.
10020 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1688 Angela I've had the worse day here
10021 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1688 Karen Dwight, you won the raffle!
10022 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1688 Dwight No... way! Yeah!
10023 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1688 Karen Open it! Open it ! Open it!
10024 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1688 Dwight Oh.
10025 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1688 Karen Do you like it?
10026 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1688 Dwight Walkie-talkies.
10027 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1688 Pam Can I talk to you a second?
10028 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1688 Dwight Yes!
10029 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1689 Karen Well the Committee to Plan Parties has served its purpose. We're gonna disband. In the name of Christmas.
10030 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1689 Pam In the name of Nutcracker Christmas.
10031 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1690 Karen Angela, we've been hearing really great thing about uh... your brownies and we were hoping you'd consider merging into two parties.
10032 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1690 Angela I'm not sure. Does your karaoke machine have Christmas songs?
10033 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1690 Pam Yeah, but we don't have a power cord.
10034 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1690 Angela Oh, I may have seen it somewhere. Is it this one?
10035 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1690 Pam Mmm. Hmm.
10036 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1690 Karen Yeah, thanks.
10037 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1690 Pam We'll go tell everyone.
10038 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1690 Karen OK.
10039 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1691 Andy, Michael And if you want love, we'll make it. Swim in a big sea of blankets. Take all your big plans and break 'em. This is bound to take awhile. Your body is a wonderland. Your body is a wonderland.
10040 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1691 Andy Your hands.
10041 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1691 Both Your body is a wonderland.
10042 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1691 Andy I'll use my hands on it.
10043 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1691 Both Something 'bout the way your hair falls in your face...
10044 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1692 Kelly Whatever we deny or embrace. For worse or for better. We belong, we belong, we belong together... Ryan...
10045 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1692 Michael When you know, you just know.
10046 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1692 Kevin Right.
10047 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1692 Michael Check her out. My little gal over there. Babe-alectable.
10048 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1692 Roy Which one is she?
10049 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1692 Michael It's... it's one of those two.
10050 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1692 Roy You don't know?
10051 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1692 Kevin Dude, you should know.
10052 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1692 Michael Yeah... well, it's been hard, they're wearing the exact same uniform. And I've been drinking. And you know how all waitresses look alike.
10053 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1693 Michael I honestly don't see what the big deal is. Stevie Wonder is married. Are you going to tell me that Stevie Wonder doesn't love his wife just because he's not sure what she looks like?
10054 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1694 Michael Hey. Where's my girl? Is she in the fridge? Where is she hiding? I don't know where she is. 'Cause I'm drunk, I can't even find her.
10055 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1694 Second Cindy You know where I am.
10056 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1694 Michael Haha, I do! I just haven't hugged you in awhile
10057 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1694 Second Cindy Oh.
10058 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1694 Michael Oh, good. That felt good. Let's go. Party.
10059 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1695 Creed Spinnin' n reelin with love. Give it the time, I might come back down. But it feels so good. My feet don't touch the ground. Wha..wha..wild. Wha..wha..wild. Well everybody knows, I'm crazy about 'ya...
10060 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1696 Dwight Monkey, this is Possum. Do you copy?
10061 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1696 Angela Copy, Possum. What's your twenty?
10062 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1697 Karen No way.
10063 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1697 Jim What a horrible, horrible movie that was.
10064 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1697 Karen And now we get to remember it forever.
10065 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1697 Jim Thank you.
10066 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1697 Karen Thank you.
10067 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1698 Second Cindy Hey.
10068 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1698 Michael Hey, hey, you. How are ya?
10069 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1698 Second Cindy Hey. This party blows, so we're gonna leave.
10070 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1698 Michael No, no, no. Hey, you should stay because we are having fun and...
10071 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1698 Second Cindy Cool...
10072 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1698 Michael Where do you wanna go?
10073 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1698 Second Cindy I... We're just gonna take off.
10074 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1698 Michael I... you know what? I, OK, listen. I like you. I really like you. So much in fact, that I would like you to accompany me on a trip to Sandals, Jamaica.
10075 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1698 Second Cindy No... I have school.
10076 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1698 Michael You want help? OK... Merry Christmas.
10077 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1698 Second Cindy Merry Christmas.
10078 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1699 Dwight Lady, from the moment I saw you standing all alone. You gave all the love that I needed...
10079 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1700 Michael That waitress was the one.
10080 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1700 Jim No. She wasn't.
10081 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1700 Michael How can you be sure?
10082 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1700 Jim Well, for starters, I've known you as a couple since the beginning of the relationship, which was approximately three hours ago.
10083 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1700 Michael Don't make fun... You're making fun of me.
10084 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1700 Jim Sorry.
10085 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1700 Michael I guess, I didn't know her very well. I marked her arm.
10086 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1700 Jim You what?
10087 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1700 Michael I, I put a mark on her arm. So I could tell them apart. I don't... I know, I know. I can't believe I gave her my bike!
10088 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1700 Jim Yeah.
10089 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1700 Michael Oh, why do I feel like crap?
10090 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1700 Jim You just had a rebound.
10091 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1700 Michael I had rebound? Yeah.
10092 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1700 Jim Yeah. Which, don't get me wrong, can be a really fun distraction, but, when it's over, you're left thinking about the girl you really like, the one that broke your heart.
10093 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1701 Michael I totally rebounded. Someone else shoots and I take the ball and I score. Well, I guess I didn't score and I'm not sure who's actually shooting, but, whatever. Doesn't matter. It's all good. Or as my ex might say. Domo arigato, Mr. Scott-o.
10094 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1702 Angela Little baby, parum pum pum pum. I am a poor boy too, parum pum pum pum. I have no gift to bring, parum pum pum pum. That's fit to give our King, parum pum pum pum..
10095 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1703 Michael Yes, I just wanted to see if, uh you would like to come to Jamaica with me. There's this resort called Sandals. Really? OK. All right. I promise you won't be disappointed. Umm, It's all-inclusive...
10096 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1704 Angela ... Shall I play for you, parum pum pum pum
10097 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1704 Oscar Too soon.
10098 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1704 Angela I played my drum for Him, parum pum pum pum. I played my best for Him, parum pum pum pum, Rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum.
10099 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1704 Dwight pum pum pum pum pum pum pum
10100 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1705 Dwight Bye Pam.
10101 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1705 Pam Night.
10102 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1705 Jim Oh, you know what? Sorry, forgot to tell you. I intercepted a transmission earlier and it seems that the CIA is gonna need Dwight down at their headquarters in Langley for training and an ice cream social with the other agents.
10103 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1705 Pam We should get him a bus ticket. To make his trip easier.
10104 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1705 Jim Oh no, that would be great.
10105 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1705 Pam It costs seventy five dollars.
10106 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1705 Jim Hmm... Well, maybe the CIA can send a helicopter?
10107 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1705 Pam Ohh...
10108 3 10 A Benihana Christmas (Parts 1&2) 1706 Dwight What the? "You have been compromised. Abort mission. Destroy phone." Destroy phone?
10109 3 12 Back from Vacation 1707 Jim All right, let's get started. Umm... Oh, first off, we're supposed to be pushing cardstock this week. So... let's push cardstock this week. Uh, also... what is this?
10110 3 12 Back from Vacation 1707 Dwight Tape recorder.
10111 3 12 Back from Vacation 1707 Jim For what?
10112 3 12 Back from Vacation 1707 Dwight For recording. Michael is on vacation and he's asked me to record all meetings and to type up the transcripts.
10113 3 12 Back from Vacation 1707 Jim OK. Uh, Karen, any news from that law firm?
10114 3 12 Back from Vacation 1707 Karen Yeah, the deal closed yesterday, it's the six month commitment.
10115 3 12 Back from Vacation 1707 Jim Oh my God, Dwight, what're you doing?
10116 3 12 Back from Vacation 1707 Dwight What?
10117 3 12 Back from Vacation 1707 Jim You're not allowed to take off your pants in the middle of the office.
10118 3 12 Back from Vacation 1707 Dwight I'm not.
10119 3 12 Back from Vacation 1707 Jim Dwight, you know what, just back up, okay, that's making me uncomfortable. This is sexual harassment, by the way. Oh my God! He's got a knife!
10120 3 12 Back from Vacation 1707 Dwight I do not have a knife!
10121 3 12 Back from Vacation 1707 Jim No, let the record show that Dwight K. Schrute is now completely nude and is holding a plastic knife to Stanley's neck?!
10122 3 12 Back from Vacation 1707 Dwight Let the record show that Jim Halpert is a liar!
10123 3 12 Back from Vacation 1707 Jim Dwight Schrute is now wearing a baby's bonnet.
10124 3 12 Back from Vacation 1707 Dwight Give me it. I am not.
10125 3 12 Back from Vacation 1707 Phyllis Oh, Jim Carrey just walked in! Dwight, get his autograph for Michael quickly...
10126 3 12 Back from Vacation 1707 Dwight Jim Carrey did not just walk in, OK.
10127 3 12 Back from Vacation 1707 Karen Dwight, what is that on your stomach? Is that a Muppet Babies tattoo?
10128 3 12 Back from Vacation 1707 Jim Oh my God, Karen, you're right, that is Animal from the Muppet Babies.
10129 3 12 Back from Vacation 1707 Dwight You can't see... You can't see my stomach.
10130 3 12 Back from Vacation 1707 Andy I am now chopping off Phyllis' head with a chainsaw! ... Rin-in-in-in-in-in!
10131 3 12 Back from Vacation 1708 Michael Hey, mon!
10132 3 12 Back from Vacation 1708 Pam Hey. You have a bunch of messages and... that's nice. Hannah quit while you were gone. I guess she memo-ed to file some complaints she had about being a working mother? And so you might also have to be deposed.
10133 3 12 Back from Vacation 1708 Michael Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Relax.
10134 3 12 Back from Vacation 1708 Pam OK.
10135 3 12 Back from Vacation 1708 Michael Just relax, OK? I'll get to all of it later.
10136 3 12 Back from Vacation 1708 Pam It's kind of serious.
10137 3 12 Back from Vacation 1708 Michael Aren't you going to ask me how Jamaica was? Say it. Ask me.
10138 3 12 Back from Vacation 1708 Pam How was Jamaica?
10139 3 12 Back from Vacation 1708 Stanley Oh, Michael, I'm glad you're here.
10140 3 12 Back from Vacation 1708 Michael Stanley. You know what? It is really good to see you, too.
10141 3 12 Back from Vacation 1708 Stanley My bonus check was a hundred dollars less than you promised.
10142 3 12 Back from Vacation 1708 Michael OK, well payroll is in charge of all that.
10143 3 12 Back from Vacation 1708 Stanley They said I should talk to you.
10144 3 12 Back from Vacation 1708 Michael Well, I am just getting settled in. So, I'm gonna...
10145 3 12 Back from Vacation 1708 Stanley I am not doing a lick more work until I get my full bonus check.
10146 3 12 Back from Vacation 1708 Michael You are not as much fun as your Jamaican brothers... mon.
10147 3 12 Back from Vacation 1709 Jim You want to talk about it?
10148 3 12 Back from Vacation 1709 Karen Nope.
10149 3 12 Back from Vacation 1710 Karen I still haven't found an apartment yet. I'm living in a hotel. Yesterday, I saw a "for rent" sign down the street from Jim and he said he didn't think it'd be such a good idea. He said it would be like we were living together. In different houses. Two blocks away.
10150 3 12 Back from Vacation 1711 Michael Feelin' hot, hot, hot! Feelin' hot, hot, hot! Feelin' hot, hot, hot! Feelin' hot, hot, hot! That's all I know so far, but I'm gonna keep practicing.
10151 3 12 Back from Vacation 1711 Pam That's good.
10152 3 12 Back from Vacation 1711 Michael You know, I had never been out of the country before now?
10153 3 12 Back from Vacation 1711 Pam Huh.
10154 3 12 Back from Vacation 1711 Michael Got to see how Jamaicans live. It is great, you know. They just relax, they party all the time.
10155 3 12 Back from Vacation 1711 Pam It's kind of an impoverished country.
10156 3 12 Back from Vacation 1711 Michael Yeah... Gosh. Great. You know what, Pam? Make a note. I want us all to start having pina coladas every day at three.
10157 3 12 Back from Vacation 1711 Pam But you can't today, we're doing inventory.
10158 3 12 Back from Vacation 1711 Michael Inventory's at the end of December.
10159 3 12 Back from Vacation 1711 Pam We couldn't do it without you, so we postponed.
10160 3 12 Back from Vacation 1711 Michael I specifically went on vacation so I would miss it.
10161 3 12 Back from Vacation 1712 Michael Inventory is boring. In the islands, they don't make you do stuff like take inventory. Why do you think so many businesses move to the Caymans?
10162 3 12 Back from Vacation 1713 Michael Tonight, we are going to have an inventory luau. I want to bring back a little slice of paradise to the Dunder Mifflin warehouse inventory. So, Party Planning Committee, get on it.
10163 3 12 Back from Vacation 1713 Angela By the end of the day? That's impossible.
10164 3 12 Back from Vacation 1713 Michael The Jamaicans don't have a word for "impossible."
10165 3 12 Back from Vacation 1713 Jim Yep, it's English, it's "impossible."
10166 3 12 Back from Vacation 1713 Angela Michael, there's no way we can do it in time.
10167 3 12 Back from Vacation 1714 Michael How hard is a luau? All you need are some grass skirts, pineapple, poi, tiki torches, suckling pig, some fire dancers. That's all you need.
10168 3 12 Back from Vacation 1715 Michael Come on in. Settle in. Settling. Settling... and settled. Good, there is something I would like to show everybody. See this sign? "No Shirt, No Shoes, No Problem." This is an attitude I would like all of you to have right here. So what, if we have to stay late to do inventory? No problem.
10169 3 12 Back from Vacation 1715 Pam Oh my God. Is that Jan?
10170 3 12 Back from Vacation 1715 Everybody What? Where?
10171 3 12 Back from Vacation 1715 Pam On the left.
10172 3 12 Back from Vacation 1715 Everybody Oh yeah, oh my God.
10173 3 12 Back from Vacation 1715 Michael No, no, no. No, that's a German woman named Urkel Grue.
10174 3 12 Back from Vacation 1716 Michael Jan told me to play it cool and not tell anybody because it can get us both in trouble. So officially, I did not see her. But I did see Jan there. In our room. At night. And in the morning. That's all I'm gonna say. s*x. We had s*x. I had s*x with her. I had s*x with Jan.
10175 3 12 Back from Vacation 1717 Michael Hey dude. I just got back from Jamaica.
10176 3 12 Back from Vacation 1717 Packer Big whoop! I was in Hot-lanta. That whole town is whacked.
10177 3 12 Back from Vacation 1717 Michael Yeah, that sounds amazing. You know what? The lady Jan Levinson wanted to go to Montego Bay.
10178 3 12 Back from Vacation 1717 Packer You took the ice queen? I don't buy it.
10179 3 12 Back from Vacation 1717 Michael Well I'm looking at a photo, right now. And I'm telling 'ya, could be in Maxim.
10180 3 12 Back from Vacation 1717 Packer They wouldn't give you a subscription to Maxim.
10181 3 12 Back from Vacation 1717 Michael Oh no?
10182 3 12 Back from Vacation 1717 Packer No.
10183 3 12 Back from Vacation 1717 Michael OK. Well, check this out. I am sending you some email. You got it?
10184 3 12 Back from Vacation 1717 Packer Well, no. I got nothing.
10185 3 12 Back from Vacation 1717 Michael Check it again. Hit refresh.
10186 3 12 Back from Vacation 1717 Packer Yeah, Mike, still nothing.
10187 3 12 Back from Vacation 1717 Packer Wait, I just got it from somebody else. Wow. This is hot. Damn! How do I get you out of this picture?
10188 3 12 Back from Vacation 1718 Michael Darryl?! Hey. Hi. Where's Darryl?
10189 3 12 Back from Vacation 1718 Roy He's in the office.
10190 3 12 Back from Vacation 1718 Michael OK, Hey, man, how's it going?
10191 3 12 Back from Vacation 1718 Darryl All right, what's up Mike?
10192 3 12 Back from Vacation 1718 Michael That's great, OK. Um, so did you get an email from me?
10193 3 12 Back from Vacation 1718 Darryl Yup.
10194 3 12 Back from Vacation 1718 Michael OK. Well, that was supposed to go to Packer, not "packaging." Did you already, um, forward to a whole bunch of people?
10195 3 12 Back from Vacation 1718 Darryl Uh huh.
10196 3 12 Back from Vacation 1718 Michael OK. Um, well, did you get the second email that I sent? Explaining that the first email was a mistake and that you should delete it.
10197 3 12 Back from Vacation 1718 Darryl Yup.
10198 3 12 Back from Vacation 1718 Michael And you sent that out to everyone?
10199 3 12 Back from Vacation 1718 Darryl Mike, I'm very busy down here.
10200 3 12 Back from Vacation 1719 Jim Yikes.
10201 3 12 Back from Vacation 1719 Kevin Already sent it to you my friend.
10202 3 12 Back from Vacation 1719 Jim Fantastic.
10203 3 12 Back from Vacation 1719 Andy Boring. Call me if she rolls over.
10204 3 12 Back from Vacation 1720 Pam Hey.
10205 3 12 Back from Vacation 1720 Jim Hey.
10206 3 12 Back from Vacation 1720 Pam You OK?
10207 3 12 Back from Vacation 1720 Jim Yeah.
10208 3 12 Back from Vacation 1720 Pam You sure?
10209 3 12 Back from Vacation 1720 Jim Yeah. Yes. Um, I'm just in this, like, stupid fight with Karen.
10210 3 12 Back from Vacation 1720 Pam Oh. You want to talk about it?
10211 3 12 Back from Vacation 1720 Jim Really?
10212 3 12 Back from Vacation 1721 Michael I have a special assignment for you.
10213 3 12 Back from Vacation 1721 Dwight Who's the target?
10214 3 12 Back from Vacation 1721 Michael A sensitive email has been released to the office. It contains a file, a picture. The file name is "Jamaican Jan Sun Princess."
10215 3 12 Back from Vacation 1721 Dwight What's it of?
10216 3 12 Back from Vacation 1721 Michael Not important.
10217 3 12 Back from Vacation 1721 Dwight Unless you're willing to tell me everything, I cannot accept this assignment.
10218 3 12 Back from Vacation 1721 Michael OK, forget it.
10219 3 12 Back from Vacation 1721 Dwight OK, I accept it.
10220 3 12 Back from Vacation 1722 Jim So, I dunno, I just feel likes we've been dating a month, right? Same street. I think that might be a little close. A little much.
10221 3 12 Back from Vacation 1722 Pam Hmm.
10222 3 12 Back from Vacation 1722 Jim Hmm, what?
10223 3 12 Back from Vacation 1722 Pam How far away does she live now, like ten minutes?
10224 3 12 Back from Vacation 1722 Jim Yeah, I guess.
10225 3 12 Back from Vacation 1722 Pam Honestly, I think you should go easy on her.
10226 3 12 Back from Vacation 1723 Pam No, I didn't mind helping Jim with his problem. That's what friends do. I help Phyllis all the time. Just yesterday, I untangled a piece of tape from her hair. So, yeah.
10227 3 12 Back from Vacation 1724 Jim Hey, thanks a lot.
10228 3 12 Back from Vacation 1724 Pam Oh, don't worry about it. I mean, it's better than listening to Michael play a conch shell... which is what I was doing. Oh, also, Michael went to Jamaica with Jan!
10229 3 12 Back from Vacation 1724 Jim Oh, yeah, How have we not talked about this already? I mean what happened there? Kidnapping?
10230 3 12 Back from Vacation 1725 Toby Hey I need to talk to you right now.
10231 3 12 Back from Vacation 1725 Michael Not now, not ever.
10232 3 12 Back from Vacation 1725 Toby About you and Jan.
10233 3 12 Back from Vacation 1725 Michael Aww, none of your business.
10234 3 12 Back from Vacation 1725 Toby Wish it were true, but it, it uh, seems from that photo that you took, you've entered into an intimate relationship.
10235 3 12 Back from Vacation 1725 Michael That photo is my personal property and if you are telling me you went on my computer and stole that photo, then I am going to call the cops.
10236 3 12 Back from Vacation 1725 Toby Michael, nine different people emailed me that photo, including my ex-wife... we don't talk now.
10237 3 12 Back from Vacation 1725 Michael This is probably the icebreaker you need.
10238 3 12 Back from Vacation 1725 Toby You know, for your own protection, you should disclose the relationship to HR.
10239 3 12 Back from Vacation 1725 Michael I bet you would love all the details, wouldn't you? Skeevy little perv.
10240 3 12 Back from Vacation 1725 Toby All right, if you're having a relationship with your superior, you must disclose it.
10241 3 12 Back from Vacation 1725 Michael No, no, no. I am not dating Jan. She was very clear about that. Just two like souls having a romantic time in the most romantic place on earth. Got enough, weirdo?
10242 3 12 Back from Vacation 1725 Toby All right, thanks Michael.
10243 3 12 Back from Vacation 1725 Michael OK.
10244 3 12 Back from Vacation 1726 Angela OK, we only have three hours people to plan a whole luau, and you're not helping.
10245 3 12 Back from Vacation 1726 Karen What are the ingredients of poi?
10246 3 12 Back from Vacation 1726 Phyllis I called every grocery store in Scranton, and no one sells whole pigs.
10247 3 12 Back from Vacation 1726 Angela Did you try the petting zoo?
10248 3 12 Back from Vacation 1727 Pam Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Just a second. Michael, it's Jan on the phone for you.
10249 3 12 Back from Vacation 1727 Michael Oh, God, no. No, no! Hang up! Hang up! Tell her I'm not here. Tell... tell her, I ran out for cash. I hit a deer. I hit a deer with my car. Tell her I hit a cat. Tell her I hit a cat.
10250 3 12 Back from Vacation 1727 Pam He'll call you back. OK, great.
10251 3 12 Back from Vacation 1727 Michael She bought it? OK. OK.
10252 3 12 Back from Vacation 1727 Dwight Michael hit a deer?
10253 3 12 Back from Vacation 1728 Dwight Michael! Michael! There's an emergency in the warehouse.
10254 3 12 Back from Vacation 1728 Michael There an accident? Somebody hurt?
10255 3 12 Back from Vacation 1728 Dwight No, it's... involves the photograph.
10256 3 12 Back from Vacation 1728 Michael Oh. God. No, no, no, no, no.
10257 3 12 Back from Vacation 1729 Roy Mike, you are a rock star, man. You are the man! Well done.
10258 3 12 Back from Vacation 1729 Michael All right.
10259 3 12 Back from Vacation 1729 Roy That corporate booty, he likes to hit it!
10260 3 12 Back from Vacation 1730 Michael Hello. Hi. Attention everyone. Um, apparently, there is an email circulating around that contains a very PG-13 rating picture of me and a woman---
10261 3 12 Back from Vacation 1730 Kevin Jan.
10262 3 12 Back from Vacation 1730 Michael No, Kevin. A woman. Maybe Jan, maybe...
10263 3 12 Back from Vacation 1730 Jim Urkel Grue.
10264 3 12 Back from Vacation 1730 Michael My point is that, if you get it, I would ask that you just delete it. Sight unseen. Let's be professional, all right?
10265 3 12 Back from Vacation 1731 Michael Feelin'... feelin' hot, hot, hot!
10266 3 12 Back from Vacation 1731 Pam Hey.
10267 3 12 Back from Vacation 1731 Michael Hey.
10268 3 12 Back from Vacation 1731 Pam What are you doing out here?
10269 3 12 Back from Vacation 1731 Michael Island living. You know?
10270 3 12 Back from Vacation 1731 Pam Jan called. She's coming in later to talk to you.
10271 3 12 Back from Vacation 1731 Michael Did she say what it's about?
10272 3 12 Back from Vacation 1731 Pam That's all she said.
10273 3 12 Back from Vacation 1731 Andy Ole ole - ole ole... Ole ole - ole ole. People in the party - hot hot hot
10274 3 12 Back from Vacation 1732 Jim Uh, I think you dropped this
10275 3 12 Back from Vacation 1732 Karen You sure?
10276 3 12 Back from Vacation 1732 Jim Definitely.
10277 3 12 Back from Vacation 1733 Dwight I have disconnected the office T1 line. I have ordered that that be taken down and destroyed all print outs from the bathroom.
10278 3 12 Back from Vacation 1733 Michael There are copies in the bathroom?
10279 3 12 Back from Vacation 1733 Dwight There were. A lot of them.
10280 3 12 Back from Vacation 1733 Michael All right.
10281 3 12 Back from Vacation 1734 Karen I think I owe you one.
10282 3 12 Back from Vacation 1734 Pam Sorry?
10283 3 12 Back from Vacation 1734 Karen For talking sense into Halpert. The Day's Inn room 228 was starting to get really depressing.
10284 3 12 Back from Vacation 1734 Pam Oh, yeah, no. Don't worry about it. I mean, he was being ridiculous.
10285 3 12 Back from Vacation 1734 Karen Yeah, but... thanks. Seriously.
10286 3 12 Back from Vacation 1734 Pam Sure.
10287 3 12 Back from Vacation 1735 Darryl Oh, yes! Yes! What'd I tell you? I knew he'd turn up You see that? This is the greatest night of my life.
10288 3 12 Back from Vacation 1736 Dwight Who did this to you? Where is he?
10289 3 12 Back from Vacation 1736 Pam What? No, it's not... it's nothing.
10290 3 12 Back from Vacation 1736 Dwight It's hot in here.
10291 3 12 Back from Vacation 1736 Pam Yeah.
10292 3 12 Back from Vacation 1736 Dwight Yeah.
10293 3 12 Back from Vacation 1736 Pam Thanks. You don't need to stay here.
10294 3 12 Back from Vacation 1736 Dwight I know. So you're PMSing pretty bad, huh?
10295 3 12 Back from Vacation 1737 Jan Hello everyone. Hello Michael.
10296 3 12 Back from Vacation 1737 Michael Guh.
10297 3 12 Back from Vacation 1737 Kevin Hi Jan, you look... tan.
10298 3 12 Back from Vacation 1737 Jan I was in Scottsdale visiting my sister.
10299 3 12 Back from Vacation 1737 Kevin Yeah. How was it?
10300 3 12 Back from Vacation 1737 Jan Very sunny. Family's important. Michael, I would like to speak with you, in your office.
10301 3 12 Back from Vacation 1737 Michael OK, yup.
10302 3 12 Back from Vacation 1738 Jan Why am I here, Michael?
10303 3 12 Back from Vacation 1738 Michael I...
10304 3 12 Back from Vacation 1738 Jan In the last year, I've gone through a divorce, an identity theft, a husband who would not... communicate. This is nether here or there. My psychiatrist thinks that I have some self-destructive tendencies and that for once, I should indulge them. You following me?
10305 3 12 Back from Vacation 1738 Michael I... I... Yes.
10306 3 12 Back from Vacation 1738 Jan I think I owe it to myself to find some kind of happiness, you know? I mean, even, even if it means... lowering my expectations or, or redefining the word, itself.
10307 3 12 Back from Vacation 1738 Michael OK, yeah.
10308 3 12 Back from Vacation 1738 Jan This is the kind of thing, you know? I am... attracted to you. I, I don't know why, I... but, I am. And, I need to follow my instincts. At least that's what Dr. Perry thinks.
10309 3 12 Back from Vacation 1738 Michael Who is Dr. Perry? I...
10310 3 12 Back from Vacation 1738 Jan This is the point, OK? You're wrong for me. In... In... every way. But I still find myself wanting to... be with you.
10311 3 12 Back from Vacation 1738 Michael And I, to you, in addition, feel the same feelings that you are as well.
10312 3 12 Back from Vacation 1738 Jan Good, good.
10313 3 12 Back from Vacation 1738 Michael So, umm... thanks for coming by. So, I, uh...
10314 3 12 Back from Vacation 1738 Jan Well, good, OK. Thank you... for taking the time...
10315 3 12 Back from Vacation 1738 Michael Well thanks for coming over, I appreciate -
10316 3 12 Back from Vacation 1738 Jan Wait 15 minutes, find an excuse, and meet me at your condo.
10317 3 12 Back from Vacation 1738 Michael Jan, you... complete... me.
10318 3 12 Back from Vacation 1738 Jan Oh, God.
10319 3 12 Back from Vacation 1739 Roy Hey, remember when we were planning our honeymoon and you wanted to go to Hawaii and I wanted to go to Mexico?
10320 3 12 Back from Vacation 1739 Pam Yeah.
10321 3 12 Back from Vacation 1739 Roy I was definitely right. Oh, brother.
10322 3 12 Back from Vacation 1740 Kevin What am I going to do? I'm gonna hang it up at home. I don't have a lot of art.
10323 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1741 Michael Jim, could you come in here please?
10324 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1741 Harvey Hi, Jim.
10325 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1741 Jim Hello.
10326 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1741 Harvey I am Harvey, a computer. Jim sucks.
10327 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1741 Michael Sorry, oh wow, that's so rude. I'm sorry, I can't control him.
10328 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1741 Jim Yeah, you can.
10329 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1741 Michael You know what? Get Pam.
10330 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1741 Jim For this?
10331 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1741 Michael Pam.
10332 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1741 Harvey Pam, you look very hot today.
10333 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1741 Jim Pam, meet Harvey. This is Michael's new friend.
10334 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1741 Pam Great.
10335 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1741 Harvey Me so horny. Me love you long tim.
10336 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1741 Michael Oh, that is gross.
10337 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1741 Pam Who is 'Long Tim'?
10338 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1741 Michael Damn it.
10339 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1741 Harvey Long time. Me lobe yoy long time.
10340 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1741 Jim Oh well, 'Yoy' should bring in 'Long Tim' in one day. Shouldn't he?
10341 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1741 Pam I would love to meet Long Tim.
10342 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1741 Jim Yeah. Right?
10343 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1741 Pam Yeah.
10344 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1741 Harvey You ruined a funny joke, you. Get out of my offive.
10345 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1741 Jim Ok.
10346 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1741 Pam Ok. Bye Harvey.
10347 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1741 Harvey Boobs.
10348 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1742 Kevin Angela.
10349 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1742 Angela What?
10350 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1742 Kevin That was a voicemail that corporate left last night. They did not get our tax forms. Did you send them?
10351 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1742 Angela They arrived this morning.
10352 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1742 Kevin Are you sure? It is a big deal.
10353 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1742 Angela Is it a big deal? Is it Kevin?
10354 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1742 Kevin ... Do you really not know? Because it is a big deal.
10355 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1743 Andy Five of us transferred from Stamford. There are two of us left. Me and Karen. It's like we are touring Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory and dropping off one by one. Well, guess what? I am not falling in a chocolate river.
10356 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1744 Angela Everything ok?
10357 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1744 Dwight Everything is fine. You are in the clear.
10358 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1744 Angela Thank you. I... I don't want those.
10359 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1745 Michael Dwight, care to join us, finally? Thank you.
10360 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1745 Andy Hey Dwight, pass the tardy sauce. Get it Michael?
10361 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1745 Michael Yes. Ok, here is the dream team. My sales dream team. Today we are going to team up for sales calls. Andy, since this was your idea, you get to pick first.
10362 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1745 Andy Hmmm, well... let me think about this for a minute. Oh, I don't know. Michael Scott.
10363 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1745 Michael Oh.
10364 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1745 Andy Ph. D. Doctor of Sales.
10365 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1745 Michael Well, I appreciate that. That is very gracious of you.
10366 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1745 Andy Well, it is very gracious of you to accept.
10367 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1745 Michael Well, thank you sir. Ok, now going by seniority. Phyllis, our resident senior.
10368 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1745 Phyllis We're the same age and I'll pick... Karen.
10369 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1745 Karen Oh, uh, thanks.
10370 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1745 Michael Good. Next up, Superfly himself, Stanley.
10371 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1745 Stanley Pass.
10372 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1745 Michael You can't pass. You've got to pick somebody.
10373 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1745 Stanley ... I'll take the kid.
10374 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1746 Ryan I am very flattered. I was his second choice after "Pass."
10375 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1747 Michael So that just leaves Dwight and Jim.
10376 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1747 Dwight Ok, wait. Does anyone want to trade?
10377 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1747 Jim Yup. I'll trade.
10378 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1748 Jim Dwight and I used to go on sales calls all the time. In fact, I have a picture to remember that time. Oh young Jim. There is just so much I need to warn you about. And yet, tragically, I cannot.
10379 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1749 Andy Sebring by Chrysler. Heck of a... motor... carriage.
10380 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1749 Michael Dwight?
10381 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1749 Dwight Yup?
10382 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1749 Michael Here ya go.
10383 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1749 Dwight Yeah! You want shirts on hangers?
10384 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1749 Michael Please.
10385 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1749 Andy He does your laundry?
10386 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1749 Michael Long story. All right everybody, circle up. Here we go. You know what this is? This is the "Amazing Race." And you guys are the retired marines. And you guys are the mother and daughter. And you guys are the gay couple. And we are the firefighter heroes. Are we ready to go?
10387 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1749 Karen Wait, "Amazing Race" like, the biggest sale wins?
10388 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1749 Michael No, we're just going to rush out, do the sales thing, and come back.
10389 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1749 Ryan Is there a prize?
10390 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1749 Michael Just bragging rights.
10391 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1749 Phyllis Then how is this "Amazing Race"?
10392 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1749 Michael It's just... brrrrrr... It's "Amazing Race," Phyllis. Okay? We're in teams of two and we are on a mission. All right, so, on your mark, get set, go. Let's do it.
10393 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1749 Dwight Come on!!
10394 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1749 Phyllis Michael.
10395 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1749 Michael Whoah, whoah. Oh hahahaha. Vamanos!
10396 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1749 Andy Bueno.
10397 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1749 Phyllis Do you have a pole?
10398 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1749 Karen Let's go get a broom.
10399 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1750 Jim Seriously? You're going to sit in the back?
10400 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1750 Dwight Uh, yeah. It's the safest part of the car. In the event of a crash, the driver always protects his side of the car first.
10401 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1751 Michael Here we go.
10402 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1752 Andy In order to take down Dwight, I have to chip away at his ally, which, in this case, is Michael. Here's the good news. Every success I've ever had at my job or with the lady-folk has come from my ability to slowly and painfully wear someone down.
10403 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1753 Andy What's the deal with Dwight doing your laundry?
10404 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1753 Michael Ugh... that is a long story. Um, couple of months ago, Dwight tried to go behind my back with Jan and get my job and I am now having him do my laundry as punishment.
10405 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1753 Andy Wow, that is a long story, but quite well told, Michael. I find it very interesting. Especially about the part Dwight going behind your back and basically, like, being a terrible person. You know if you want your laundry done right? I used to work at Abercrombie. So, pretty good folder.
10406 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1754 Angela Hey Pam. Would you like to go with me to grab a coffee?
10407 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1754 Pam Really?
10408 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1754 Angela Yeah, I could use some fresh air. Might be fun.
10409 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1754 Pam Ok. Sure.
10410 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1754 Angela Ok.
10411 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1755 Karen Why are we turning in here, this is a beauty salon?
10412 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1755 Phyllis Um-hmmm.
10413 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1756 Ryan Hey, do you mind if I take the lead on this one and then you can critique me after?
10414 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1756 Stanley You want the lead?
10415 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1756 Ryan Yeah, if you don't mind.
10416 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1756 Stanley Mind? Nothing would delight me more.
10417 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1757 Dwight Leave the keys.
10418 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1757 Jim You still do that thing?
10419 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1757 Dwight Leave the keys!
10420 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1758 Andy I think you have assembled an amazing team at Scranton. It's really a pleasure to be a part of it. It's like, everyone has their own special skill, you know, just like the Superfriends. Except for Dwight, who is more like a SuperDud. I mean, he would be a Superfriend if there was a Superfriend whose super power was always being late. You know?
10421 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1758 Michael Hawkman.
10422 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1759 Andy My plan is taking longer than I thought but I don't give up easily. I have walked two marathons.
10423 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1759 Michael Let's go. The men's room was disgusting.
10424 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1760 Jim After you sir.
10425 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1760 Dwight No thank you, I never let anyone walk behind me. Seven out of ten attacks are from the rear.
10426 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1760 Jim Ok, well, that still leaves a 30% chance that I will attack you from the front.
10427 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1760 Dwight Uh, yeah, but it will be easier to stop. I can always block the blow. I can counter it with...
10428 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1761 Pam Angela, you seem so happy. I bet you wish you were like this all the time.
10429 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1761 Angela This friend of mine - let's call her Noelle - she missed this deadline turning something in to Corporate in New York. But then this gallant gentleman - we'll call him Kurt - he drove all the way to New York and handed it in for her. That's... I don't know. I guess he really just likes her a lot.
10430 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1761 Pam That's great.
10431 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1761 Angela Yes, it is. Hello?
10432 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1762 Michael Hey, did you catch that up at Lake Wallenpaupack?
10433 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1762 Buyer Yep.
10434 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1762 Michael You know, I used to go up there all the time with my step-dad, and I never caught anything that big.
10435 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1762 Andy Caught an eighty-pound shark off of Montauk. It's in the Hamptons. My dad's got a 42-ft Bayliner. Sniped it with a rifle from the crow's nest. Also shot a deer once.
10436 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1762 Michael You know what? Let's get right down to it. Dunder-Mifflin may be just two rooms and a warehouse, but what we lack in flash, we will make up for with hardwork and decency.
10437 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1762 Andy Ok, this is the classic undersell because you should know we don't work out of a log cabin. We trade on the New York Stock Exchange. Ever heard of it? It's in New York.
10438 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1762 Buyer Uh, I have to say I am a little wary with getting involved with a big company. We've had some problems in the past.
10439 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1762 Michael I think what Andy is trying to express is that while we have the resources of a large company, we will give you the care and attention of a small company.
10440 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1762 Andy Oh, man, that is, like, poetry.
10441 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1762 Michael No.
10442 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1762 Andy I swear, this guy could sell paper to a tree.
10443 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1762 Michael Stop it. Stop it.
10444 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1762 Andy Ow.
10445 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1763 Pam Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. This is Pam. I did?
10446 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1764 Andy Oh man. Talk about your classic "Lame dash O." Do we even want that guy buying our paper?
10447 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1764 Michael Yes.
10448 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1765 Andy I... I'm so sorry man. I really screwed that up.
10449 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1765 Michael Ah, no. Don't worry about it.
10450 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1765 Andy I really 'Schruted' it.
10451 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1765 Michael What?
10452 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1765 Andy 'Schruted' it. It's just this thing that people say around your office all the time. Like, when you screw something up in a really irreversible way, you 'Schruted' it. I don't know where it comes from though. Do you think it comes from Dwight Schrute?
10453 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1765 Michael I don't know. Who knows how words are formed.
10454 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1766 Phyllis It's a big order. Thanks Kenny.
10455 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1766 Karen Yeah, thank you.
10456 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1766 Phyllis Hey, how's Annie?
10457 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1766 Kenny Oh, she's great. This is us last year in Bermuda. Lovely place. You ever been to Bermuda?
10458 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1767 Julius Stanley Hudson.
10459 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1767 Stanley Ah, Julius, how's it goin'?
10460 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1767 Julius Great, great, great.
10461 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1767 Guy Stanley.
10462 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1767 Stanley So good to see you too. I'd like you fellas to meet Ryan Howard.
10463 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1767 Ryan Hi.
10464 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1767 Stanley I'm gonna let Ryan do a little pitch for you while I do my crossword. Ryan?
10465 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1767 Ryan Um... Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi.
10466 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1767 Julius Hello, Ryan. What do you have for us?
10467 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1767 Ryan Oh...
10468 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1768 Jim We can offer our biggest discounts on 30% recycled and ultra-premium laser.
10469 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1768 Man 'Kay. 'Kay.
10470 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1768 Dwight Can I use your phone?
10471 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1768 Man Yeah, sure, go ahead.
10472 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1768 Dwight Thanks.
10473 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1768 Jim Let me talk to you about a few of the other things we can offer. Namely, we know the tax season is coming up, so by April 1st we can have you fully stocked.
10474 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1768 Dwight One...
10475 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1768 Jim We have discount prices on ink cartridges...
10476 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1768 Dwight Three...
10477 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1768 Jim And, also, any forms that you are going to need...
10478 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1768 Dwight Seven...
10479 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1768 Jim We can custom make them.
10480 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1769 Pam Yeah I did a watercolor of Frances Willard Elementary School for a contest they were having. They were calling with the results. And I won. I won! My painting won. So I like to thank my mom for always encouraging me. And I like to thank my dad for buying me my first set of art pencils. And I'd like to thank the sixth grade class that picked me.
10481 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1770 Pam Hey Kev, guess what. I won an art contest today.
10482 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1770 Kevin How much did you win?
10483 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1770 Pam 100
10484 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1770 Kevin I won $400 bucks on the Celtics game last night.
10485 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1770 Pam Cool. Congratulations.
10486 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1770 Kevin Thanks, so sweet.
10487 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1771 Stanley Ha ha ha! And you just said, "Hi! Hi! Hi!" Ha heh ha! You sounded like my niece, and she's six months old!
10488 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1772 Man We'll I appreciate what you guys are saying but it, uh, makes more fiscal sense to go with one of the big guys.
10489 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1772 Dwight Sure.
10490 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1772 Jim Sure, that's true we can't compete with their prices. But let me ask you something. How important to you is customer service?
10491 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1772 Man It's very.
10492 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1772 Phone Please keep holding, your call is very important to us.
10493 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1772 Dwight Erm, that's one of the 'Big guys.' Been on hold this whole time.
10494 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1772 Jim And this is Dunder-Mifflin.
10495 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1772 Kelly Dunder-Mifflin customer service, this is Kelly.
10496 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1772 Jim Hey, Kelly, it's Jim.
10497 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1772 Kelly Oh my god, Jim. How are you ? I wanted to tell you ... .
10498 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1772 Dwight Here is my card. It's got my Cell number, my pager number, my home number, and my other pager number. I never take vacations, I never get sick, and I don't celebrate any major holidays.
10499 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1772 Man All right, I get it. We got a deal.
10500 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1772 Jim Thanks.
10501 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1773 Pam Hey, Angela. I got good news today too. I won an art contest.
10502 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1773 Angela That's great Pam. I like having these little moments with you. You know what? Sprinkles recently had kittens.
10503 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1773 Pam Oh.
10504 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1773 Angela I would like to offer you the dominant male. His name is Ash.
10505 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1773 Pam Oh?
10506 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1773 Angela Mmm-hmm.
10507 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1773 Pam Hmm. I don't think so. But thanks. My building manager... is... You understand.
10508 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1773 Angela Well then. Have a nice day.
10509 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1774 Karen Thanks. That was fun.
10510 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1774 Phyllis Yeah, I really enjoy spending time with you. You are a very nice person.
10511 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1774 Karen Thank you.
10512 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1774 Phyllis I'm so glad you're with Jim. He was hung up on Pam for such a long time. Never thought he would get over her.
10513 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1774 Karen That's nice.
10514 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1774 Phyllis You can pay me back later for the makeover.
10515 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1775 Andy Hey boss. Got a minute?
10516 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1775 Michael Yes, Andy.
10517 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1775 Andy I forget, why did Dwight say he was late this morning?
10518 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1775 Michael He didn't say.
10519 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1775 Andy That's weird. Because I was just walking past his desk and I saw this, which is a tollbooth receipt from New York City, stamped really early this morning. So, why would Dwight go to New York without telling anyone? Do you think he went to see Jan? That's not like him. Is it? Someone told me a story about this, with, like, laundry and betrayal. Did you betray Dwight and try to steal his job or something?
10520 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1775 Michael No, you are remembering it wrong.
10521 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1776 Michael Dwight betrayed me once before. So this is his strike two. You know what they say? Fool me once, strike one. But fool me twice, strike three.
10522 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1777 Dwight I like Karen. She's pretty and appears intelligent.
10523 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1777 Jim Well, I like pretty women who have the appearance of intelligence.
10524 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1777 Dwight My girlfriend is also beautiful and smart. She could be a model or a college professor which is intimidating to a lot of guys.
10525 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1777 Jim We should go on a double date.
10526 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1777 Dwight No thank you.
10527 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1778 Jan Dwight's name is on the security sign-in sheet, but I don't know who he met with. And where it asks to state your business, he wrote "Beeswax. Not yours, Inc."
10528 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1778 Michael I knew it.
10529 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1778 Andy Oh, doggie.
10530 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1779 Karen Hey, do you want to grab a coffee?
10531 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1779 Jim Sure. Look at you!
10532 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1779 Karen Yeah.
10533 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1780 Jim Beesley, coffee?
10534 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1780 Pam No, thanks. I had some already.
10535 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1780 Jim All right.
10536 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1780 Pam Oh, but, hey, Jim.
10537 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1780 Jim Yeah.
10538 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1780 Pam I won an art contest today.
10539 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1780 Jim No way! All right Pam. Congratulations.
10540 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1780 Pam Thanks.
10541 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1780 Jim Which one was it?
10542 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1780 Pam I sent in one of my watercolors.
10543 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1780 Jim Cool.
10544 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1780 Pam It was the new one I did.
10545 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1780 Jim Oh
10546 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1780 Karen You ready Jim?
10547 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1780 Jim Yeah. Can I see it when I get back?
10548 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1780 Pam Yeah.
10549 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1780 Jim Congratulations.
10550 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1780 Pam Thanks.
10551 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1780 Jim Big deal.
10552 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1781 Dwight Hey, we nailed the sale!
10553 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1781 Michael Where were you this morning?
10554 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1781 Dwight I overslept. Damn rooster didn't crow.
10555 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1781 Michael Why do you lie, liar?
10556 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1781 Dwight I am not a liar.
10557 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1781 Michael You are lying right now.
10558 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1781 Andy It sure seems like he is lying.
10559 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1781 Dwight Stay out of this, you!
10560 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1781 Michael I know that you went to corporate this morning, and I know that you lied about it. And given our history, I need you tell me this instant exactly what you were doing.
10561 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1781 Dwight Michael, I cannot tell you what I was doing there. But you have to trust me, I would never do anything to hurt you or this company.
10562 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1781 Michael Ok, you know what? I want you to think about your future in this company. I want you to think about it long and hard.
10563 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1781 Dwight That's what she said.
10564 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1781 Michael Don't. Don't you dare. I want to know what you were doing this morning by the end of the day.
10565 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1782 Dwight It's going to be ok.
10566 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1782 Angela How is going to be ok, Dwight? Everyone will know our business.
10567 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1782 Dwight That's not the worst thing in the world. I'll just stand up in front of the office and reveal our true love. It won't be that bad. Look at Kelly and Ryan.
10568 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1782 Angela I hate those two people more than anything in the entire world.
10569 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1782 Dwight Well, I don't have a lot of choices.
10570 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1783 Karen So, let me ask you a question.
10571 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1783 Jim Ok.
10572 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1783 Karen Did you ever have a thing for Pam?
10573 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1783 Jim Pam? Did I ever have a 'thing' for her? No, why? Did she say something?
10574 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1783 Karen I moved here from Connecticut...
10575 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1783 Jim Yeah. Ok, here's the ... I had a crush on her before I left. And I told her about it and she didn't feel the same way. So, it didn't amount to anything, and I left. I'm really glad you're here. 'Kay?
10576 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1783 Karen 'Kay.
10577 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1784 Dwight Ahem-hem-hem. May I have your attention please? This will only take a moment of your time. Although I love this company more than almost anything in the world, I have decided to step down from my post and spend more time with my family. I do not fear the unknown and I will meet my new challenges head-on and I will succeed. And I will laugh in the faces of those who doubt me. It has been a pleasure working with some of you and I will not forget those of you soon but remember, while today it is me, we all shall fall. In other words, I am quitting. So... .
10578 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1785 Andy Oompa-Loompa Doompity-Dawesome, Dwight is now gone which is totally awesome. Why was he gone, he was such a nice guy? No, he was not. He was a total douche. Doompity-doomp.
10579 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1786 Dwight I would like to give the rest of my belongings to Michael Scott. Just take them. Except this.
10580 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1786 Michael Good luck.
10581 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1787 Ryan Dwight will be missed. Not by me so much, but, he will be missed.
10582 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1788 Angela Dwight, from sales, was one of the most honorable and efficient employees this company has ever had.
10583 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1789 Dwight One of my life goals was to die right here in my desk chair. And today, that dream was shattered.
10584 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1790 Jim Hey man.
10585 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1790 Karen What happened on your sales call?
10586 3 13 Traveling Salesmen 1791 Andy Um, am I happy the way things turned out? Oh, well, happy's such an ugly word. But, um, I saw what needed to be done and I did it and now I'm thrilled. So, it's pretty... Hello? Pretty good.
10587 3 14 The Return 1792 Dwight I have left Dunder-Mifflin after many record-breaking years and am officially on the job market. And it's very exciting.
10588 3 14 The Return 1793 Dwight For your convenience, I've broken it down into three parts: professional resume, athletic and special skills resume, and Dwight Schrute trivia.
10589 3 14 The Return 1794 Dwight I am ready to face any challenges that might be foolish enough to face me.
10590 3 14 The Return 1795 Dwight How would I describe myself? Three words. Hard-working, Alpha male, Jackhammer, Merciless, Insatiable.
10591 3 14 The Return 1796 Dwight There is nothing on my horizon except everything. Everything is on my horizon.
10592 3 14 The Return 1797 Dwight I got this job to make some money while I continue my employment search. And uh, it's fine for the time being. Oops. Break's over.
10593 3 14 The Return 1798 Andy Big Turkey.
10594 3 14 The Return 1798 Jim Is that you singing?
10595 3 14 The Return 1798 Andy All four parts. Recorded it on my computer. It took me forever.
10596 3 14 The Return 1798 Jim Nice job.
10597 3 14 The Return 1798 Andy Thank you muchly.
10598 3 14 The Return 1798 Jim You gonna answer it?
10599 3 14 The Return 1798 Andy I called it myself. I just thought you'd get a kick out of the new ring.
10600 3 14 The Return 1798 Jim Yikes.
10601 3 14 The Return 1798 Andy Side note. I'd just like to say I'm thrilled to be working directly beneath you.
10602 3 14 The Return 1798 Jim Thank you.
10603 3 14 The Return 1798 Andy I feel I have a lot to learn from you, even though you're younger and have less experience. So here's to the future... Andy and the Tuna. Andy and the tuna...
10604 3 14 The Return 1799 Jim I miss Dwight. Congratulations, universe. You win.
10605 3 14 The Return 1800 Michael Yes, Dwight Schrute has left this company. More personnel turnover.
10606 3 14 The Return 1800 Andy The cost of doing business.
10607 3 14 The Return 1800 Michael Yes, well. It is a big loss. Dwight was the top salesman...
10608 3 14 The Return 1800 Andy Was the top salesman...
10609 3 14 The Return 1800 Michael I said 'was'.
10610 3 14 The Return 1800 Andy Addition by subtraction.
10611 3 14 The Return 1800 Michael What does that even mean? That is impossible.
10612 3 14 The Return 1800 Andy Mmmm. Yeah you're right.
10613 3 14 The Return 1800 Michael But, there is some good news. Oscar is back. Addition by addition. So we are going to have a big party today to welcome him back and hopefully that will lift everybody's spirits.
10614 3 14 The Return 1801 Oscar Hey, everyone.
10615 3 14 The Return 1801 Kevin Oh, hello, Oscar. How was your gay-cation?
10616 3 14 The Return 1801 Oscar Oh, that's very funny.
10617 3 14 The Return 1801 Kevin Yeah? I thought of it like, two seconds after you left.
10618 3 14 The Return 1801 Oscar Hi, Angela.
10619 3 14 The Return 1801 Angela Oscar.
10620 3 14 The Return 1802 Andy Hey, boss.
10621 3 14 The Return 1802 Michael Hey, what's up.
10622 3 14 The Return 1802 Andy Noooothin'. Ehrrrrrrrrr. Heh. Man. TGI-Wednesday. Am I right?
10623 3 14 The Return 1802 Michael Yep.
10624 3 14 The Return 1802 Andy Gonna go home. Get my beer on. Get my "Lost" on. What are you doing later, wanna hang out?
10625 3 14 The Return 1802 Michael I don't know. Maybe.
10626 3 14 The Return 1802 Andy Well, I will take that as a maybe. Where are you going?
10627 3 14 The Return 1802 Michael Bathroom.
10628 3 14 The Return 1802 Andy Oh, well, I'm going to the kitchen, I'll walk with you.
10629 3 14 The Return 1803 Andy Yeah, things are going pretty good. Gettin' a lot of face time with the boss.
10630 3 14 The Return 1804 Angela Oscar? I have a question. Would you like to join the party planning committee?
10631 3 14 The Return 1804 Oscar The one of all women?
10632 3 14 The Return 1804 Angela Yeah.
10633 3 14 The Return 1804 Oscar Because I'm gay?
10634 3 14 The Return 1804 Angela No. No. Certain events have transpired. And I've thought about certain things. And I'm sorry for the way those certain events transpired. And I would just like to make some changes about certain things and certain situations.
10635 3 14 The Return 1804 Oscar OK, OK, OK, all right, all right. I'll join. I'd love to. That's -- thank you.
10636 3 14 The Return 1804 Angela Thank you.
10637 3 14 The Return 1804 Kevin Can I join too?
10638 3 14 The Return 1804 Angela Never.
10639 3 14 The Return 1805 Staples Guy You sell those two printers this morning? Nice work.
10640 3 14 The Return 1805 Dwight Child's play. Give me something hard to sell.
10641 3 14 The Return 1806 Michael Wow. What is wrong with this thing? It looks terrible.
10642 3 14 The Return 1806 Pam Do you want me to ask the cleaning crew if they stopped watering it?
10643 3 14 The Return 1806 Michael Yeah. And you know what? Ask them about the toys on my desk too. They always used to arrange them in a very pleasing way. It used to brighten my morning.
10644 3 14 The Return 1806 Pam Oh, that wasn't the night crew. That was Dwight.
10645 3 14 The Return 1806 Michael Really? That was very nice of him. We need more attitude like that around the office.
10646 3 14 The Return 1806 Andy Feel ya, dawg.
10647 3 14 The Return 1806 Michael Yeah, do you?
10648 3 14 The Return 1806 Andy Absolutely.
10649 3 14 The Return 1806 Michael What did I say?
10650 3 14 The Return 1806 Andy You said...
10651 3 14 The Return 1806 Michael Huh.
10652 3 14 The Return 1806 Andy Which is like, "Right on." And Pam was like "blah blah blah" and you were like "Yeah, psht." Nailed it.
10653 3 14 The Return 1806 Michael Oh, no.
10654 3 14 The Return 1806 Andy Oh, no.
10655 3 14 The Return 1807 MIchael Love that Andy, right? Solid fellow. Seems smart enough. Likes me a lot. A lot. Too much. Like a crazy person. A little. Not super crazy... just... there's something about him that creeps me out. I can't really explain it. He's always up in my bidness. Which is ebonics for "being in my face and annoying the bejesus out of me." I don't understand how someone could have so little self-awareness.
10656 3 14 The Return 1808 Oscar I really have no preference. We don't even have to have a party.
10657 3 14 The Return 1808 Michael No, hey, hey. Don't be ridiculous. Of course we are going to have a party. A celebration of Oscar. Oscar night. And I want it to be Oscar-specific.
10658 3 14 The Return 1808 Oscar Michael --
10659 3 14 The Return 1808 Michael No, no, no. I mean, not because you're gay. Your gayness does not define you. Your Mexican-ness is what defines you to me. And I think we should celebrate Oscar's Mexicanity. So Phyllis... I want you to go find firecrackers. And a Chihuahua. Pam, in the frozen food section, Swanson makes a delightful chimichanga.
10660 3 14 The Return 1808 Oscar Why don't you have me riding in on a donkey into the office like Pepe.
10661 3 14 The Return 1808 Michael Ah, a burro, of course. If Oscar wants a donkey, let's get him one.
10662 3 14 The Return 1809 Dwight Need any help?
10663 3 14 The Return 1809 Lady Oh, no, thank you. I'm just looking.
10664 3 14 The Return 1809 Dwight Great. I will literally be standing right here if you need anything at all.
10665 3 14 The Return 1809 Lady Okay.
10666 3 14 The Return 1810 Andy I think I could go for some tuna fish right about now. Oh, oh, got my rod here. Whizzzzz. Click, click, click, click, click, click, click. Cli -- ah! I got one! I got one! Ahhhh!
10667 3 14 The Return 1811 Jim Hey.
10668 3 14 The Return 1811 Karen Hey.
10669 3 14 The Return 1811 Jim So Andy is in rare form today.
10670 3 14 The Return 1811 Karen Yeah, you should not encourage him.
10671 3 14 The Return 1811 Jim Encourage him? I'm the victim, okay? He's fishing for me. We've got to do something.
10672 3 14 The Return 1811 Karen Look, I've got like fifteen new clients I inherited from Dwight and each file is password protected with a different mythical creature. So, I'm sorry. I can't.
10673 3 14 The Return 1811 Jim Fine. Party pooper.
10674 3 14 The Return 1812 Michael Who's that sportscaster that bit that lady? Marv something? Andy is like Marv Something. Great sportscaster. Big weirdo creep.
10675 3 14 The Return 1813 Andy 185 pounder. Check it out. Whew!
10676 3 14 The Return 1814 Jim Hey, Ryan?
10677 3 14 The Return 1814 Ryan What?
10678 3 14 The Return 1814 Jim You wanna pull a prank on Andy?
10679 3 14 The Return 1814 Ryan Not right now, but ask me again ten years ago.
10680 3 14 The Return 1814 Jim I liked you better when you were the temp.
10681 3 14 The Return 1814 Ryan Yeah, me too.
10682 3 14 The Return 1815 Michael Hey guys. How's the workload on all of Dwight's old accounts? Handling it okay?
10683 3 14 The Return 1815 Phyllis Sort of. He had a lot of clients.
10684 3 14 The Return 1815 Michael Yes, he did. Have any of you talked to Dwight?
10685 3 14 The Return 1815 Stanley Oh, sure, we talk all the time.
10686 3 14 The Return 1815 Michael Really?
10687 3 14 The Return 1815 Stanley No.
10688 3 14 The Return 1815 Michael Don't - don't do that. That's not nice. What about you, Phyllis? You and Dwight were close.
10689 3 14 The Return 1815 Phyllis No. Sorry.
10690 3 14 The Return 1816 Phyllis Dwight has a big personality and I have a big personality. And a lot of times when two people like that get together it can be explosive.
10691 3 14 The Return 1817 Paris Really comin' down out there. Commute's gonna be hell.
10692 3 14 The Return 1817 Dwight I have snow tires and chains. Plus exceptional hand-eye coordination.
10693 3 14 The Return 1817 Paris So um, where were you workin' before this?
10694 3 14 The Return 1817 Dwight Dunder-Mifflin.
10695 3 14 The Return 1817 Paris What kind of company is that?
10696 3 14 The Return 1817 Dwight Paper company. They're only one of Staples' top competitors in the area.
10697 3 14 The Return 1817 Paris I never heard of 'em.
10698 3 14 The Return 1817 Dwight Whoa. Really? Have you heard of paper?
10699 3 14 The Return 1817 Paris You gonna be like that, huh?
10700 3 14 The Return 1818 Paris I don't like him, his giant head, or his beady little eyes. That's all I got to say on the matter.
10701 3 14 The Return 1819 Andy In your he-ead, in your he-eyd-ed. Zombie. Zombie. Zombie. Ey, ey, ey, ey. In your he-eyd-ed.
10702 3 14 The Return 1819 Jim Would you like to pull a prank on Andy?
10703 3 14 The Return 1819 Pam Oh, I'm kind of in the middle of -- yes please.
10704 3 14 The Return 1819 Jim Okay, good. Stay right here.
10705 3 14 The Return 1819 Andy Oh. Good move, Tuna. Nice one.
10706 3 14 The Return 1819 Jim Are there any messages?
10707 3 14 The Return 1819 Pam Nope.
10708 3 14 The Return 1819 Jim So weird.
10709 3 14 The Return 1819 Pam Hmm.
10710 3 14 The Return 1820 Michael Nice to have Oscar back.
10711 3 14 The Return 1820 Angela Yeah.
10712 3 14 The Return 1821 Andy Large Tuna. Have you seen my cell phone device?
10713 3 14 The Return 1821 Jim No.
10714 3 14 The Return 1821 Andy Cause someone is calling right now. There is a call.
10715 3 14 The Return 1822 Pam Angela?
10716 3 14 The Return 1822 Angela Oh.
10717 3 14 The Return 1822 Pam Is everything okay?
10718 3 14 The Return 1822 Angela No.
10719 3 14 The Return 1823 Andy What's going on?
10720 3 14 The Return 1823 Jim What are you talking about?
10721 3 14 The Return 1823 Andy Where is my FREAKING phone?!
10722 3 14 The Return 1823 Jim You know what? Maybe it's in the ceiling.
10723 3 14 The Return 1823 Andy Maybe you're in the ceiling!
10724 3 14 The Return 1823 Jim Okay.
10725 3 14 The Return 1823 Andy I don't trust you, Phyllis!
10726 3 14 The Return 1824 Angela I wanted to let you know that Dwight was late that morning because he was driving to New York to drop off the correlated documents that I forgot to send. Though to be fair, Kevin never reminded me.
10727 3 14 The Return 1824 Michael Why would Dwight do that for you? I think I know why. Because Dwight loves this company.
10728 3 14 The Return 1824 Angela Yes.
10729 3 14 The Return 1824 Michael Do you think that anyone else out there would have driven to corporate for you?
10730 3 14 The Return 1824 Angela None of them. Especially not Andy.
10731 3 14 The Return 1825 Michael Pam, I have a mission to accomplish. Make sure this party gets rolling and I will be back shortly.
10732 3 14 The Return 1825 Andy Wait up. Where are you going? Do you want me to come with?
10733 3 14 The Return 1825 Michael Um.
10734 3 14 The Return 1825 Andy Just listen, I forgot to tell you the plan for this Saturday. You, me, bars, beers, buzzed. Wings. Shots. Drunk. Waitresses, hot. Football - Cornell/Hofstra. Slaughter. Then a quick nap at my place and we'll hit the tiz-own.
10735 3 14 The Return 1825 Michael No. I don't want to do any of that.
10736 3 14 The Return 1825 Andy Duh. Which is why I was just joking about doing that.
10737 3 14 The Return 1825 Michael No, just stop. Stop. Stop doing it. You're going to drive me crazy.
10738 3 14 The Return 1825 Andy Fine. I'll just sit at my desk and be quiet. Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship. Excuse me. And I'm also sorry that a lot of people here for some reason think it's funny to steal someone's personal property and hide it from them. Here's a little newsflash! It's not funny! In fact, it's pretty freakin' unfunny! Oh, my GOD. That... was an overreaction. Gonna hit the break room. Does anybody want anything? Pam, you good?
10739 3 14 The Return 1825 Pam Yeah.
10740 3 14 The Return 1825 Andy Sure? Okay.
10741 3 14 The Return 1826 Dwight Well, that question is meaningless. Just go with the copy paper. It's your funeral. See how that works out for you.
10742 3 14 The Return 1826 Michael Hey.
10743 3 14 The Return 1826 Dwight Hey.
10744 3 14 The Return 1826 Michael What's up?
10745 3 14 The Return 1826 Dwight Same old.
10746 3 14 The Return 1826 Michael Um. It takes a big man to admit his mistake. And I am that big man. Angela from accounting told me what you did.
10747 3 14 The Return 1826 Dwight Oh my God, she told you?
10748 3 14 The Return 1826 Michael Yes, she did. And Dwight, if you were willing to do something like that for some random co-worker, then clearly I have misjudged you from the beginning, and I apologize.
10749 3 14 The Return 1826 Dwight Accepted.
10750 3 14 The Return 1826 Michael How's this place treating you?
10751 3 14 The Return 1826 Dwight The boss isn't funny.
10752 3 14 The Return 1826 Michael Oh, well.
10753 3 14 The Return 1826 Dwight I don't get to wear my ties.
10754 3 14 The Return 1826 Michael No. I'm sure.
10755 3 14 The Return 1826 Dwight So?
10756 3 14 The Return 1826 Michael So, maybe you should come back. You should come back. Please.
10757 3 14 The Return 1826 Dwight I don't want to do your laundry anymore.
10758 3 14 The Return 1826 Michael We can talk about that. All right.
10759 3 14 The Return 1827 Jim Oh my God, that's half-inch drywall.
10760 3 14 The Return 1827 Pam I think we broke his brain.
10761 3 14 The Return 1827 Jim "It's not freakin' funny!"
10762 3 14 The Return 1828 Angela Are you enjoying your fiesta?
10763 3 14 The Return 1828 Oscar Actually, yeah. I didn't think I would, but turns out -- it's great.
10764 3 14 The Return 1828 Michael Ladies and gentlemen! May I present... Mr. Dwight Schrute!
10765 3 14 The Return 1828 Everybody Yay.
10766 3 14 The Return 1828 Angela Welcome back.
10767 3 14 The Return 1828 Dwight Thank you.
10768 3 14 The Return 1828 Michael Okay, Dwight, you can let go of her hand. You're gonna break it. Not bad, huh?
10769 3 14 The Return 1828 Dwight You did this for me?
10770 3 14 The Return 1828 Michael Guilty.
10771 3 14 The Return 1829 Creed Oh... Where did you get this stuff?
10772 3 14 The Return 1829 Meredith Gerty's.
10773 3 14 The Return 1829 Creed Which aisle?
10774 3 14 The Return 1829 Meredith I don't remember.
10775 3 14 The Return 1829 Creed Well, draw me a map, mama.
10776 3 14 The Return 1830 Michael Pam. I will shake mine and then you will shake yours.
10777 3 14 The Return 1830 Pam No, I will not.
10778 3 14 The Return 1831 Michael So does this remind you of your childhood right now?
10779 3 14 The Return 1831 Oscar It reminds me a lot of the 'Three Amigos' with Steve Martin and Chevy Chase.
10780 3 14 The Return 1831 Michael Wow. Thank you. Wow, that's-- thanks so much.
10781 3 14 The Return 1832 Jim Hey.
10782 3 14 The Return 1832 Karen Do you still have feelings for her?
10783 3 14 The Return 1832 Jim Yes.
10784 3 14 The Return 1833 Michael And now, ladies and gentlemen, the big finale! Sir, would you do the honor?
10785 3 14 The Return 1833 Dwight Oh, man. No, no, no. I don't need it. Get out!
10786 3 14 The Return 1834 Michael It takes a big man to admit his mistake and that's what I did. The important thing is I learned something. I don't want somebody sucking up to me because they think I'm going to help their career. I want them sucking up to me because they genuinely love me. Hmm.
10787 3 14 The Return 1835 Andy So Michael had a little chat with corporate and they decided to send me to management training. Anger management, technically, but still. Management material. This whole thing supposed to take ten weeks, but I can be done in five. How? Name repetition, personality mirroring, and positive reinforcement through nods and smiles. So, don't worry about old Andy Bernard. I'll be back. Just like Rambo, so.
10788 3 14 The Return 1835 Marcy Oh, hi. You must be Andy.
10789 3 14 The Return 1835 Andy Oh, hi! Yes. I am and you must be... Marcy!
10790 3 14 The Return 1835 Marcy That's right, it's so good to meet you.
10791 3 14 The Return 1835 Andy It's so good to meet you!
10792 3 14 The Return 1835 Marcy Thanks. Well, you ready to have some fun?
10793 3 14 The Return 1835 Andy Yeah.
10794 3 15 Ben Franklin 1836 Michael Hello son. If you're watching this, that means I'm already dead. Life is a road---
10795 3 15 Ben Franklin 1836 Dwight How do you know it's going to be a boy?
10796 3 15 Ben Franklin 1836 Michael How, would you stop interrupting please?
10797 3 15 Ben Franklin 1837 Michael Yesterday I was scraping some gunk off my wall sockets with a metal fork and I gave myself the nastiest shock. And when I came to, I had an epiphery. Life is precious. And if I die I want my son to know the dealio. The dealio of life.
10798 3 15 Ben Franklin 1838 Michael Here are some things that I want to teach you that your mother won't be able to.
10799 3 15 Ben Franklin 1839 Michael To jump start a car, first pop the hood. Then you take these bad boys and clip them anywhere on the engine. Then you take these and clip them wherever.
10800 3 15 Ben Franklin 1840 Michael Number eight, learn how to take off a woman's bra.
10801 3 15 Ben Franklin 1840 Pam What?
10802 3 15 Ben Franklin 1840 Michael We will demonstrate on Pam.
10803 3 15 Ben Franklin 1840 Pam No. No.
10804 3 15 Ben Franklin 1840 Michael Come on.
10805 3 15 Ben Franklin 1841 Michael You just twist your hand until something breaks.
10806 3 15 Ben Franklin 1841 Dwight Ow.
10807 3 15 Ben Franklin 1841 Michael Well you get the picture. Thanks Pam.
10808 3 15 Ben Franklin 1842 Michael And remember no matter what, I will always love you.
10809 3 15 Ben Franklin 1842 Dwight What if he's a murderer?
10810 3 15 Ben Franklin 1842 Michael He's not going to be a murderer.
10811 3 15 Ben Franklin 1842 Dwight Maybe that's how you die.
10812 3 15 Ben Franklin 1842 Michael You know what, Dwight, do you want to do this, or no?
10813 3 15 Ben Franklin 1842 Dwight I want to do this.
10814 3 15 Ben Franklin 1842 Michael Okay. From the top. Ready? Three-
10815 3 15 Ben Franklin 1842 Dwight Action.
10816 3 15 Ben Franklin 1843 Michael Hello everyone! As you know, we are six days away from Phyllis' wedding. So get your suits to the dry cleaner and get your hair did. And Karen, um, you might want to invest in a dress or a skirt of some kind if you don't already have one. This may be Phyllis' only wedding ever. It is my job to ensure that none of you look like ragamuffins. So I am instituting prima nocta.
10817 3 15 Ben Franklin 1844 Jim Prima nocta, I believe from the movie Braveheart, and confirmed on wikipedia, is when the king got to deflower every new bride on her wedding night. So...
10818 3 15 Ben Franklin 1845 Michael I'm sorry. I had a very different understanding as to what prima nocta meant.
10819 3 15 Ben Franklin 1846 Michael I'm trying to get everyone excited about Phyllis' wedding because I want her to get people excited about my wedding when the time comes. Which won't be hard, because it's going to be awesome. A lot better than hers, that's for sure. It'll probably be on a boat.
10820 3 15 Ben Franklin 1847 Michael What's up spinsters?
10821 3 15 Ben Franklin 1847 Angela Nothing. You know this is a luncheon shower. Girls only.
10822 3 15 Ben Franklin 1847 Michael No problem. The guys are having a little shindig of their own in the warehouse. From 2:30 to 3:15. It is the only time that Bob was available. Sort of a guy's night out. A G-N-O if you will. A Gah-No. Actually, it's more of a guy's afternoon in. A G-A-I. A gay. Not- not- it's uh, not gay, it's just a, it's a bridal shower for guys. A guy shower. An hour long shower with guys.
10823 3 15 Ben Franklin 1848 Karen I guess Jim and I have had a little bit of a rough patch for the past couple weeks but we had some really good talks and actually now I think that we're better than ever.
10824 3 15 Ben Franklin 1849 Jim Karen and I had a long talk last night and the night before that and uh, every night, for the last five nights.
10825 3 15 Ben Franklin 1850 Pam Something's up with Jim and Karen. Not that I've been eavesdropping. It's not really any of my business, but I've gotten pretty good at reading the back of Jim's neck.
10826 3 15 Ben Franklin 1851 Packer Halpert! Tall, queer, handsome as ever. Hey everybody it's me, Jim. Hello, hello. Todd Packer.
10827 3 15 Ben Franklin 1851 Karen Karen Fillipelli. Jim's girlfriend.
10828 3 15 Ben Franklin 1851 Packer Shut up!
10829 3 15 Ben Franklin 1851 Karen Yep.
10830 3 15 Ben Franklin 1851 Packer Shut it!
10831 3 15 Ben Franklin 1851 Karen That's rude.
10832 3 15 Ben Franklin 1851 Packer Either this chick is a dude or Halpert got scared straight!
10833 3 15 Ben Franklin 1851 Michael Yes. Yes! Oh! There-oh!
10834 3 15 Ben Franklin 1851 Packer What happened?
10835 3 15 Ben Franklin 1851 Michael Oh God-
10836 3 15 Ben Franklin 1851 Packer Quick somebody help! Help the man!
10837 3 15 Ben Franklin 1851 Michael No, no, no!
10838 3 15 Ben Franklin 1852 Michael I can't believe you're not going to be there. It's going to be good, it's going to be a great bachelor party man.
10839 3 15 Ben Franklin 1852 Packer I have a full day of sales calls.
10840 3 15 Ben Franklin 1852 Michael You should get out of them.
10841 3 15 Ben Franklin 1852 Michael It's the only time he can do it. 2:30 to 3:15. It's going to be great. We're going to be doing some darts, we're going to be grilling up some steaks, got some pie. Going to be very delicious.
10842 3 15 Ben Franklin 1852 Packer And what kind of stripper did you get?
10843 3 15 Ben Franklin 1852 Michael I did not order a stripper.
10844 3 15 Ben Franklin 1852 Packer You didn't order a stripper? Have you ever even been to a bachelor party?
10845 3 15 Ben Franklin 1852 Michael Um, not personally, no.
10846 3 15 Ben Franklin 1852 Packer Mike, okay, a stripper is bachelor party 101. If you don't get a stripper your party is going to suck it hard.
10847 3 15 Ben Franklin 1852 Michael I can't get a stripper here. Sexual Harassment.
10848 3 15 Ben Franklin 1852 Packer Just get one for the girls too. That evens it out. You know, separate but equal.
10849 3 15 Ben Franklin 1852 Michael So that's what that means.
10850 3 15 Ben Franklin 1853 Michael Okay everybody, slight change of plans, we are still going to be having two parties but each is going to get a little extra dose of naught-ay. Uh!
10851 3 15 Ben Franklin 1853 Dwight Alright! Uh!
10852 3 15 Ben Franklin 1853 Michael Gay.
10853 3 15 Ben Franklin 1853 Dwight What?
10854 3 15 Ben Franklin 1853 Michael Okay. Co-ed naked strippers in this office. For realsies.
10855 3 15 Ben Franklin 1853 Angela Under no circumstance should a man strip off his clothes in this office.
10856 3 15 Ben Franklin 1853 Meredith SHUT UP ANGELA!
10857 3 15 Ben Franklin 1854 Pam Hey.
10858 3 15 Ben Franklin 1854 Jim Hey.
10859 3 15 Ben Franklin 1854 Pam Ugh.
10860 3 15 Ben Franklin 1854 Jim Ugh.
10861 3 15 Ben Franklin 1854 Pam Everything okay?
10862 3 15 Ben Franklin 1854 Jim Oh yeah. Why?
10863 3 15 Ben Franklin 1854 Pam Well you seem a little tired.
10864 3 15 Ben Franklin 1854 Jim Oh. Yeah well, I guess there's been a couple late nights. Karen and I have been up talking.
10865 3 15 Ben Franklin 1854 Pam You should get more sleep.
10866 3 15 Ben Franklin 1854 Jim Yeah, I know I should.
10867 3 15 Ben Franklin 1854 Pam Never underestimate the power of a good night's sleep.
10868 3 15 Ben Franklin 1854 Jim No, I'm sure you're right.
10869 3 15 Ben Franklin 1854 Pam When I get eight hours, compared to like six hours, like, big difference.
10870 3 15 Ben Franklin 1854 Jim Really?
10871 3 15 Ben Franklin 1854 Pam Oh yeah. Gotta get your REM cycle going with the whole sleeping. Better than not.
10872 3 15 Ben Franklin 1854 Jim Good advice Beesley. Thanks. See you out there.
10873 3 15 Ben Franklin 1854 Pam Yeah. Don't fall asleep at your desk. Oh my God.
10874 3 15 Ben Franklin 1855 Michael Okay. We are off. Ryan and I are going to go get some supplies and I need you to handle hiring the strippers.
10875 3 15 Ben Franklin 1855 Jim Absolutely not.
10876 3 15 Ben Franklin 1855 Dwight I'm on it.
10877 3 15 Ben Franklin 1855 Michael Well get on it. And make it happen.
10878 3 15 Ben Franklin 1856 Dwight Ruddy cheeks, thick calves, no tats, no moles, no tats. No, TATS. Of course I want-
10879 3 15 Ben Franklin 1856 Jim Stop. That's disgusting.
10880 3 15 Ben Franklin 1856 Dwight Leave me alone and get the male stripper.
10881 3 15 Ben Franklin 1856 Jim Fine.
10882 3 15 Ben Franklin 1856 Dwight I knew you would, Nancy.
10883 3 15 Ben Franklin 1856 Jim Sally.
10884 3 15 Ben Franklin 1856 Dwight No preference, what do you think redhead or brunette?
10885 3 15 Ben Franklin 1856 Jim Blonde.
10886 3 15 Ben Franklin 1856 Dwight Nice. Do you have any blonde women?
10887 3 15 Ben Franklin 1857 Ryan He hasn't even said a word yet. Just giggling.
10888 3 15 Ben Franklin 1857 Michael Gotcha, oh! Yes?
10889 3 15 Ben Franklin 1857 Jim Are you okay?
10890 3 15 Ben Franklin 1857 Michael I'm in the, I'm in the s*x shop.
10891 3 15 Ben Franklin 1857 Jim Ah, gotcha. Okay, so they have Albert Einstein, Ben Franklin, or Sponge Bob Squarepants.
10892 3 15 Ben Franklin 1857 Michael Squarepants?
10893 3 15 Ben Franklin 1857 Jim Yep, Spongebob Squarepants.
10894 3 15 Ben Franklin 1857 Michael And you think that'd be sexy?
10895 3 15 Ben Franklin 1858 Jim Michael referred me to a male strip club called Banana Slings. Instead, I called the Scholastic Speakers of Pennsylvania.
10896 3 15 Ben Franklin 1859 Ben Franklin Hold the door please!
10897 3 15 Ben Franklin 1859 Michael Oh.
10898 3 15 Ben Franklin 1859 Ben Franklin Thank you.
10899 3 15 Ben Franklin 1859 Michael Oh. Hello!
10900 3 15 Ben Franklin 1859 Ben Franklin Hello!
10901 3 15 Ben Franklin 1859 Michael You wearing a thong?
10902 3 15 Ben Franklin 1859 Ben Franklin What?
10903 3 15 Ben Franklin 1860 Angela Sparkling cider is very good.
10904 3 15 Ben Franklin 1860 Pam I think that's champagne.
10905 3 15 Ben Franklin 1860 Michael Hello ladies. Who here is a history buff? Who's a fan of buff naked? Without further ado, the one, the only, the sexy Mr. Benjamin Franklin.
10906 3 15 Ben Franklin 1860 Ben Franklin Thank you for that introduction, Mr. Scott, and good afternoon fine gentlewomen of Dunder Mifflin.
10907 3 15 Ben Franklin 1860 Michael Half pants, right Mr. Franklin?
10908 3 15 Ben Franklin 1860 Ben Franklin Knickers in fact, yes!
10909 3 15 Ben Franklin 1860 Michael He's in his knickers. Mr. Franklin, I would say you are probably one of the sexiest presidents ever.
10910 3 15 Ben Franklin 1860 Ben Franklin Well, actually, I never was president.
10911 3 15 Ben Franklin 1860 Michael Yes, but, Ben Franklin was.
10912 3 15 Ben Franklin 1860 Ben Franklin Ah. I'm here to teach you a little bit about my life and the era of the founding fathers.
10913 3 15 Ben Franklin 1860 Michael And when they came over on the Mayflower. Bow chicka bow.
10914 3 15 Ben Franklin 1860 Meredith Wait, this is the entertainment?
10915 3 15 Ben Franklin 1860 Michael Yeah, alright, so I want you to give him your undivided attention and Mr. Franklin, if any of these ladies misbehave I give you permission to spank them. Especially that one.
10916 3 15 Ben Franklin 1861 Jim Have you ever seen a stripper before?
10917 3 15 Ben Franklin 1861 Dwight Yes. Jennifer Garner portrayed one on Alias. It was one of her many aliases.
10918 3 15 Ben Franklin 1861 Jim Yeah, me neither.
10919 3 15 Ben Franklin 1861 Elizabeth Hey.
10920 3 15 Ben Franklin 1861 Jim Hi.
10921 3 15 Ben Franklin 1861 Elizabeth I'm Elizabeth, I'm the dancer that was requested.
10922 3 15 Ben Franklin 1861 Dwight Okay, I specifically ordered a stripper.
10923 3 15 Ben Franklin 1861 Elizabeth I'm the stripper.
10924 3 15 Ben Franklin 1861 Dwight Oh, okay good. Well in the future please identify yourself as such.
10925 3 15 Ben Franklin 1861 Jim Oh God.
10926 3 15 Ben Franklin 1861 Dwight Is she hot? Text back, "Kind of."
10927 3 15 Ben Franklin 1862 Ben Franklin It was a warm June evening in 1752, the night of my fateful kite flight.
10928 3 15 Ben Franklin 1862 Karen Mr. Franklin?
10929 3 15 Ben Franklin 1862 Ben Franklin Yes?
10930 3 15 Ben Franklin 1862 Karen Do you have a girlfriend?
10931 3 15 Ben Franklin 1862 Ben Franklin I have a lovely wife, Deborah.
10932 3 15 Ben Franklin 1862 Pam But don't you also have girlfriends in Paris? Like a lot of them?
10933 3 15 Ben Franklin 1862 Ben Franklin Uh, well that is a grey area of my life. Okay? So, it was a warm June evening.
10934 3 15 Ben Franklin 1863 Michael Look at that. Nothing like grilling in the great outdoors.
10935 3 15 Ben Franklin 1863 Ryan Is this the same grill you grilled your foot on?
10936 3 15 Ben Franklin 1863 Michael No. Yes.
10937 3 15 Ben Franklin 1863 Ryan Oh gross.
10938 3 15 Ben Franklin 1863 Michael But I got all the foot off of it.
10939 3 15 Ben Franklin 1864 Pam Okay Ben Franklin!
10940 3 15 Ben Franklin 1864 Karen Ben Franklin tied a cherry stem with his mouth!
10941 3 15 Ben Franklin 1864 Ben Franklin Well, that is because I am a renaissance man.
10942 3 15 Ben Franklin 1864 Pam Ben Franklin, do you wear boxers, briefs, or pantaloons?
10943 3 15 Ben Franklin 1864 Ben Franklin Well, you're very saucy!
10944 3 15 Ben Franklin 1865 Michael Guys, beef! It's what's for dinner! Who wants some man meat?
10945 3 15 Ben Franklin 1865 Dwight I do! I want some man meat!
10946 3 15 Ben Franklin 1865 Jim Michael, Dwight would like your man meat.
10947 3 15 Ben Franklin 1865 Michael Well then my man meat, he shall have. There you go. Deliciousity.
10948 3 15 Ben Franklin 1865 Stanley Of course.
10949 3 15 Ben Franklin 1866 Karen So I guess you have the Ben Franklin wig and the costume and you figure, how can I put this to practical use?
10950 3 15 Ben Franklin 1866 Pam Well I like to think that his dad was a Ben Franklin impersonator and he really pressured him into it.
10951 3 15 Ben Franklin 1866 Karen Hey um, I wanted to talk to you. I know this is weird or whatever, but Jim told me about you guys.
10952 3 15 Ben Franklin 1866 Pam What do you mean?
10953 3 15 Ben Franklin 1866 Karen Well that you kissed. And we talked it through and it's totally fine, it's not a big deal. It's just a kiss. Wait- you're not still interested in him?
10954 3 15 Ben Franklin 1866 Pam Oh yeah.
10955 3 15 Ben Franklin 1866 Karen Really?
10956 3 15 Ben Franklin 1866 Pam Oh no, I was confused by your phrasing. You should definitely go out with Jim. I mean, you're going out with Jim. I'm not going out with Jim. You're dating him, which is awesome, because you guys are great together.
10957 3 15 Ben Franklin 1866 Karen Okay.
10958 3 15 Ben Franklin 1866 Pam I'm not into Jim. Yeah.
10959 3 15 Ben Franklin 1866 Karen So um, well good.
10960 3 15 Ben Franklin 1866 Pam Yeah. Sorry.
10961 3 15 Ben Franklin 1866 Karen What are you sorry about?
10962 3 15 Ben Franklin 1866 Pam Um, what?
10963 3 15 Ben Franklin 1866 Karen What are you sorry about?
10964 3 15 Ben Franklin 1866 Pam Nothing. I was just thinking of something else.
10965 3 15 Ben Franklin 1867 Kevin Okay. The game is no limit deuce to seven lowball. Lines twenty five fifty, nickels are worth ten, dimes twenty-five, and quarters fifty. Nothing wild.
10966 3 15 Ben Franklin 1867 Michael I call shuffle. Here we go.
10967 3 15 Ben Franklin 1867 Kevin Michael.
10968 3 15 Ben Franklin 1867 Michael Ah, gentlemen, the entertainment is here. Everybody I'd like to introduce you to Elizabeth.
10969 3 15 Ben Franklin 1867 Elizabeth Hi guys!
10970 3 15 Ben Franklin 1867 Michael Nice outfit.
10971 3 15 Ben Franklin 1867 Elizabeth I hear there's an important meeting here.
10972 3 15 Ben Franklin 1868 Roy I'm not really into strippers. You know what I find sexy? Pam's art. She's an artist and I appreciate that. It's very moving and sexy. The art.
10973 3 15 Ben Franklin 1869 Elizabeth Hit it. So where's the groom?
10974 3 15 Ben Franklin 1869 Michael He's right there. There he is.
10975 3 15 Ben Franklin 1869 Bob Vance Absolutely not. That's all you. That's all you.
10976 3 15 Ben Franklin 1869 Michael Okay. Alright, I'll do it. Yeah. Lets do it. Lets do this thing. Yeah. What do I?
10977 3 15 Ben Franklin 1869 Elizabeth Just sit on down.
10978 3 15 Ben Franklin 1869 Michael Alright.
10979 3 15 Ben Franklin 1869 Elizabeth Alright.
10980 3 15 Ben Franklin 1869 Michael Okay.
10981 3 15 Ben Franklin 1869 Elizabeth Here we go.
10982 3 15 Ben Franklin 1869 Michael Here we go. Alright!
10983 3 15 Ben Franklin 1869 Elizabeth Yeah!
10984 3 15 Ben Franklin 1869 Michael Not bad! Not bad! You smell nice. Like Tide.
10985 3 15 Ben Franklin 1869 Elizabeth Mmm, what's that?
10986 3 15 Ben Franklin 1869 Michael You smell like Tide detergent. Do you use Tide detergent? Ha ha ha! I have a girlfriend so...
10987 3 15 Ben Franklin 1869 Elizabeth I bet she'd be jealous.
10988 3 15 Ben Franklin 1869 Michael Yeah she probably, yeah she would be. You know what, okay, excuse me. Please stop it, stop it. Turn off the music. This is wrong, this is wrong! This is wrong! I have a girlfriend. And you are engaged and I'm sure you have a boyfriend in prison or something so lets just clear out okay. Shame on you. Go back to work!
10989 3 15 Ben Franklin 1870 Dwight Elizabeth, I want you to sit here. When the phone rings, answer it.
10990 3 15 Ben Franklin 1870 Elizabeth You want me to answer phones with my clothes on.
10991 3 15 Ben Franklin 1870 Dwight We hired you for three hours work and we're going to get it.
10992 3 15 Ben Franklin 1870 Elizabeth Oh I love your poster.
10993 3 15 Ben Franklin 1870 Angela Thank you.
10994 3 15 Ben Franklin 1871 Ben Franklin You know I invented electricity.
10995 3 15 Ben Franklin 1871 Pam I know.
10996 3 15 Ben Franklin 1871 Ben Franklin Well I'm sensing a little electricity right here.
10997 3 15 Ben Franklin 1871 Pam Didn't Ben Franklin have syphilis?
10998 3 15 Ben Franklin 1871 Ben Franklin Yes, but I don't. My name is Gordon.
10999 3 15 Ben Franklin 1871 Pam Ohhh.
11000 3 15 Ben Franklin 1872 Michael On one hand I want to be honest with Jan and tell her the truth but on the other hand I'm afraid she's going to dump me.
11001 3 15 Ben Franklin 1872 Ben Franklin You know Michael, I fathered an illegitimate son.
11002 3 15 Ben Franklin 1872 Michael Really.
11003 3 15 Ben Franklin 1872 Ben Franklin But I kept all this from my wife Deborah. These things only serve to upset the women. They are the gentler s*x.
11004 3 15 Ben Franklin 1872 Michael Well, Ben Franklin, you're really kind of a sleezebag.
11005 3 15 Ben Franklin 1873 Michael Stripper? Could I ask you a question about women? Um, should I tell my girlfriend that you danced up on me?
11006 3 15 Ben Franklin 1873 Elizabeth Secrets, secrets are no fun. Secrets, secrets hurt someone.
11007 3 15 Ben Franklin 1873 Michael Wow. Thank you.
11008 3 15 Ben Franklin 1874 Dwight Care for a piece of chocolate?
11009 3 15 Ben Franklin 1874 Ben Franklin Chocolate! Where did you acquire it? That is a delicacy in the Amazon but it has not yet been imported to the United States.
11010 3 15 Ben Franklin 1874 Dwight Who is the king of Austria?
11011 3 15 Ben Franklin 1874 Ben Franklin Joseph the 2nd.
11012 3 15 Ben Franklin 1874 Dwight Who is the king of Prussia?
11013 3 15 Ben Franklin 1874 Ben Franklin Fredrick Wilhelm the 3rd.
11014 3 15 Ben Franklin 1874 Dwight Who is the king of England?
11015 3 15 Ben Franklin 1874 Ben Franklin Why the tyrant King George, of course!
11016 3 15 Ben Franklin 1875 Dwight I don't care what Jim says, that is not the real Ben Franklin. I am 99% sure.
11017 3 15 Ben Franklin 1876 Jan Michael, I left a meeting. What is so urgent? Are you, are you okay?
11018 3 15 Ben Franklin 1876 Michael Not really, look I don't know how to say this so I just will.
11019 3 15 Ben Franklin 1876 Jan Okay.
11020 3 15 Ben Franklin 1876 Michael I went to a bachelor party and things got a little out of hand.
11021 3 15 Ben Franklin 1876 Jan Uh when, when did, when last night?
11022 3 15 Ben Franklin 1876 Michael No, today at work.
11023 3 15 Ben Franklin 1876 Jan You went to a bachelor party at work?
11024 3 15 Ben Franklin 1876 Michael Yes. I kind of arranged it.
11025 3 15 Ben Franklin 1877 Kelly Well I don't even think the stripper was that hot. Do you guys think she was hot?
11026 3 15 Ben Franklin 1877 Ryan Kelly don't do this.
11027 3 15 Ben Franklin 1877 Kelly Do what? I just asked you a question.
11028 3 15 Ben Franklin 1877 Ryan You know what you're doing.
11029 3 15 Ben Franklin 1877 Kelly Anyway, do you know who was totally flirting with Ben Franklin? Pam.
11030 3 15 Ben Franklin 1877 Jim Really? Looks like I hired the right guy. I'm glad. Any real potential there Beesley?
11031 3 15 Ben Franklin 1877 Pam Yeah, right. God, I need a boyfriend. You know Ryan I'm totally ready to be set up with one of your business school friends. Whenever.
11032 3 15 Ben Franklin 1877 Ryan Ok.
11033 3 15 Ben Franklin 1878 Elizabeth Oh my God, I would get so fat if I worked here.
11034 3 15 Ben Franklin 1878 Pam Yeah? I lose my appetite all the time.
11035 3 15 Ben Franklin 1878 Elizabeth You could strip you know.
11036 3 15 Ben Franklin 1878 Pam Thanks.
11037 3 15 Ben Franklin 1879 Michael So you don't want to end our relationship?
11038 3 15 Ben Franklin 1879 Jan I'm closer to firing you.
11039 3 15 Ben Franklin 1879 Michael That is so sweet. You are the best GD girlfriend in the world. Do you know that?
11040 3 15 Ben Franklin 1879 Jan I'll talk to you later.
11041 3 15 Ben Franklin 1879 Michael You are. You are.
11042 3 15 Ben Franklin 1880 Michael So you know who turned out to be kind of a creep? Ben Franklin. And Elizabeth the stripper gave me great advice. Which rhymed. Really makes you wonder how Ben Franklin can become president, but someone like Elizabeth can't.
11043 3 15 Ben Franklin 1881 Dwight Are you near sighted or far sighted?
11044 3 15 Ben Franklin 1881 Ben Franklin Both. That's why I invented the bifocal.
11045 3 15 Ben Franklin 1881 Dwight GAH!!!
11046 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1882 Jim Damn, lost another file. Going to have to reboot. Again. Hey, Dwight, do you want an Altoid?
11047 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1882 Dwight What do you think?
11048 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1883 Jim In school, we learned about this scientist who trained dogs to salivate at the sound of a bell by feeding them whenever a bell rang. For the last couple of weeks I've been conducting a similar experiment.
11049 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1884 Jim Dwight, want an Altoid?
11050 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1884 Dwight Okay.
11051 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1885 Jim Altoid?
11052 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1885 Dwight Sure
11053 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1886 Jim Mint Dwight?
11054 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1886 Dwight Inbwit? Yes.
11055 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1887 Jim What are you doing?
11056 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1887 Dwight I...
11057 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1887 Jim What?
11058 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1887 Dwight I don't know. My mouth tastes so bad all of a sudden.
11059 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1888 Michael Always the bridesmaids, right ladies?
11060 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1888 Photographer Okay, for this next one everyone hop out. Just Phyllis and Dad. Actually, let's bring Mom back in. And the sisters. And you, and you, and you. Great.
11061 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1889 Michael Phyllis is getting married. And I am in the wedding party. She has asked me to push her father's wheelchair down the aisle. So, basically, I am co-giving away the bride. Since I pay her salary it is like I'm paying for the wedding. Which I'm happy to do. It's a big day for Phyllis. But it's an even bigger day for me. Employer of the bride.
11062 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1890 Phyllis Yes, I put Michael in my wedding. It was the only way I could think to get six weeks off for my honeymoon. No one else has ever gotten six weeks before.
11063 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1891 Pam Phyllis... ended up using the exact same invitations as Roy and me. So it was kind of like being invited to my own wedding. And I was like 'Wait, thought I called that off'.
11064 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1892 Jim So what's in the box?
11065 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1892 Stanley A toaster, you?
11066 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1892 Karen A toaster.
11067 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1892 Stanley Unbelievable.
11068 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1893 Dwight Hello, Angela.
11069 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1893 Angela Hi, Dwight.
11070 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1893 Dwight You look as beautiful as the Queen of England.
11071 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1893 Angela Thank you. Don't linger. Break left. Left!
11072 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1894 Dwight The Shrutes have their own traditions. We usually marry standing in our own graves. Makes the funerals very romantic, but the weddings are a bleak affair.
11073 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1895 Jim Those flowers are nice.
11074 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1895 Karen Yeah. P and R?
11075 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1895 Jim Phyllis and Robert.
11076 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1895 Karen Ah, of course.
11077 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1896 Pam Also, Pam and Roy.
11078 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1897 Michael There she is. I swear Phyllis you are as beautiful as the first day you started work at Dunder Mifflin.
11079 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1897 Phyllis Thanks, Michael. That's sweet. Same as when you said it outside.
11080 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1897 Michael How you doin'? You excited.
11081 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1897 Phyllis Yes, very.
11082 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1897 Michael Me, too. If you need to vomit, that is ok. I did. Do you want to talk about tonight?
11083 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1897 Phyllis No.
11084 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1897 Michael You're probably worried about pleasing Bob. A lot of pressure. Phyllis, did you break wind? It's okay, if you did. It's a very natural reaction. It's your wedding. And you're nervous...
11085 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1897 Phyllis That wasn't me.
11086 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1897 Michael Okay... umm... I'm sure that Bob... Wow. That is... that is pungent. I lost my train of thought. Aaah... Are you set on that hairstyle?
11087 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1897 Phyllis I thought it was...
11088 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1897 Michael Here, let me...
11089 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1897 Phyllis Michael... No.
11090 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1897 Michael Just cover up that bald patch.
11091 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1897 Phyllis I don't need your... thank you. No, Michael please... I just need some time alone.
11092 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1897 Michael Okay.
11093 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1898 Michael You might be surprised to learn that I've only been to one other wedding. It's actually a very cute story. My Mom was marrying Jeff. And they asked me to be ring bearer. I was understandably emotional and somehow my pants became wet.
11094 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1898 Michael I hate you!
11095 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1898 Michael Long story short: Jeff's dog ended up as ring bearer. And the irony is that after the ceremony that dog peed on everything and nobody said 'boo'.
11096 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1899 Dwight Why are all these people here? There are too many people on this Earth. We need a new plague. Who are all these people?
11097 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1899 Jim You know what? I bet a lot of them are wedding crashers.
11098 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1899 Dwight No way.
11099 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1899 Jim Did you ever see that movie?
11100 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1899 Dwight Of course I saw it.
11101 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1900 Dwight I saw Wedding Crashers accidentally. I bought a ticket for Grizzly Man and went into the wrong theatre. After an hour, I figured I was in the wrong theatre, but I kept waiting. That's the thing about bear attacks, they come when you least expect it.
11102 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1901 Jim You know I just wish, I wish, I had the investigative powers to smoke some of these guys out.
11103 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1901 Dwight Once again, Jim, I will take care of this. I will locate the wedding crashers and report them to Phyllis. That way I won't have to get her a gift.
11104 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1902 Kevin Hi. I'm Kevin. Where did you find her?
11105 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1902 Toby At the gym.
11106 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1902 Kevin Riiight. The gym.
11107 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1903 Kelly Could you scoot over? You're on my dress.
11108 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1903 Meredith I thought you're not supposed to wear white to a wedding.
11109 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1903 Kelly I know but there was an emergency.
11110 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1904 Michael This strappy young lad sitting here is Phyllis' father, Albert, and he is quite the ladies' man, aren't you Albert, hah? Ah, ringbearer. I could have done better. I will do better. I am going to be better. I can't believe I'm actually doing this! Ooh! Are you ready for this, Albert? I am. Let's do it.
11111 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1905 Pam That's my dress.
11112 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1905 Michael That's ok.
11113 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1905 Dwight It's a miracle.
11114 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1905 Michael This is bull****!
11115 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1906 Michael Me walking Phyllis down the aisle was supposed to be the highlight of the wedding. And now... the wedding has no highlight.
11116 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1907 Michael I can't believe I pushed that... that guy's lazy ass around all day... until he was ready to stand up and steal the show. That's... well... I got news for you, Albert. If that's your real name. The show's not over.
11117 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1908 Priest And do you, Phyllis, take Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration, to be your lawfully wedded husband?
11118 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1908 Phyllis I do.
11119 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1908 Michael Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present to you for the first time as a couple, Mr. and Mrs. Bob Vance!
11120 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1908 Priest And do you, Bob...
11121 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1908 Michael Oh, shiii...
11122 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1908 Priest ... take Phyllis to be your lawfully wedded wife
11123 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1908 Bob Vance I do.
11124 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1908 Priest You may now kiss the bride.
11125 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1908 Michael Ladies and Gentleman, for the first time as a couple, Mr. and Mrs. Bob Vance. Yeah! That's what I'm talking about!
11126 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1909 Angela Congratulations, Phyllis. You look lovely. Your dress is very white. So white, my eyes are burning.
11127 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1909 Phyllis Thanks Angela.
11128 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1910 Michael Congratulations, Bob. You're a good man. But just know... if you ever lay a finger on Phyllis, I will kill you.
11129 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1910 Bob Vance If you ever lay I finger on Phyllis, I'll kill you.
11130 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1910 Michael Agreed. No fingers will be laid on Phyllis. Oh, decided to sit down again, huh? Great. Bet you can hear me, too.
11131 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1911 Dwight Best of luck, Phyllis. Also I'm going to need to see a copy of the guest manifest as well as photographs of the caterers.
11132 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1911 Phyllis I don't have that, Dwight.
11133 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1911 Dwight Dammit, Phyllis!
11134 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1912 Kelly Are you all right? This must be so awful for you.
11135 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1912 Pam What do you mean?
11136 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1912 Kelly Well... this was supposed to be your wedding.
11137 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1912 Pam Oh... um... no. That's... um... That's actually fine
11138 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1912 Kelly There's no way it's fine. I'm sorry. If I was you, I would just like freak out and get really drunk and then tell someone I was pregnant.
11139 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1912 Pam Okay, that's a lot of good ideas. Thanks
11140 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1913 Dwight 'Scuse me, sir. How do you know the happy couple?
11141 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1913 Uncle Al Who?
11142 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1913 Dwight The bride and groom? What are their names?
11143 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1913 Uncle Al Oh, I... I don't... I'm not sure.
11144 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1913 Dwight Oh I get it, I get it, come on, freeloader. Let's move it. Come on. Come on.
11145 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1913 Uncle Al Okay, Okay. Where are we going?
11146 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1913 Dwight Got to find yourself another wedding to crash, my friend.
11147 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1913 Uncle Al Oh!
11148 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1914 Michael Phyllis! Are you happy with everything? What can I do to make it more perfecter?
11149 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1914 Phyllis It's beautiful. Why don't you find your seat. Enjoy the buffet.
11150 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1914 Michael I'm already on it. The chicken? Totally undercooked. I sent it back.
11151 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1914 Phyllis It's fish.
11152 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1914 Michael I will take care of that.
11153 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1915 Michael I do. I know a fair amount about fine food... and drink. This is a white.
11154 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1916 Kevin No this is not our first wedding. This is the THIRD wedding that Scrantonicity has played. We also played our bassist's wedding and our guitarist's wedding.
11155 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1917 Kevin Attention, everyone. Attention, please. I am supposed to ask if anyone has seen Uncle Al. He is old and has brown eyes and dementia. His family is very concerned. It is a very serious situation. Roxanne. You don't have to put on your red light.
11156 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1918 Roy Hey.
11157 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1918 Pam Hey.
11158 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1918 Roy I know I normally don't notice these kind of things but uh... This wedding's really nice! I mean, the flowers and stuff? Phyllis has got some great taste.
11159 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1918 Pam You're kidding me, right?
11160 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1918 Roy I know you're probably not going to remember this, right? But um... Those color roses? I got you those color roses for our prom.
11161 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1918 Pam Roy, I picked those flowers. Phyllis just stole all of my ideas for our wedding.
11162 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1918 Roy I uh guess I wasn't really too involved in the planning.
11163 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1918 Pam Yeah.
11164 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1918 Roy Sorry about that.
11165 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1918 Pam It's okay.
11166 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1918 Roy You think this sucks for you? I was the one who actually wanted to get married.
11167 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1919 Randy Phyllis, you're a wonderful woman. And you're a hell of a bowler!
11168 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1919 Unknown She is.
11169 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1919 Randy Cheers.
11170 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1919 Crowd Cheers.
11171 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1919 Michael Thank you, Randy. That was great. Thank you. Thank you very much. Hi, I'm Michael Scott and for the next forty minutes, I'm going to be your tour guide through the lives of Phyllis Lapin and Bob Vance. One of the great, seemingly impossible, love stories of our time. My name is Michael Scott. Webster's Dictionary defines "wedding" as the fusing of two metals with a hot torch. Well, you know something. I think you guys are two metals. Gold medals. For those of you who don't know me, I'm Michael Scott, Phyllis' boss. To quote from The Princess Bride "Mawige...
11172 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1920 Michael The most important part of a speech is the opening line. When time is not a factor, I like to try out three or four different ones.
11173 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1921 Michael Phyllis and Bob: their celebrity couple name would be Phlob. You look at her... and she's kind of matronly today, but back in High School, I swear, her nickname was 'Easy Rider'. Now as for Bob... Bob Vance...
11174 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1921 Bob Vance Oh okay. That's enough.
11175 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1921 Michael is a guy that...
11176 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1921 Bob Vance Thanks, Michael. Give me...
11177 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1921 Michael he works... Okay hold, hold on, hold on. Look. Look. I didn't say anything when Phyllis' dad upstaged me at the ceremony. And I think you owe me this. Kay.
11178 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1921 Bob Vance Give me the microphone.
11179 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1921 Michael No. I'm not going to...
11180 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1921 Bob Vance Give me... Give me the microphone, Michael.
11181 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1921 Michael Ok. All right.
11182 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1921 Bob Vance You're out of here!
11183 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1921 Michael Oh. Yeah. You're out of here! You're... Yeah. I hate you!
11184 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1922 Jim Hey.
11185 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1922 Pam Hey!
11186 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1922 Jim When are we going to get to see some of those famous Beesly dance moves?
11187 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1922 Pam Oh... I'm pacing myself.
11188 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1922 Jim Come on. Get out there. Give the people what they want.
11189 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1922 Pam No. I'm such a dorky dancer.
11190 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1922 Jim I know. It's very cute.
11191 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1923 Jim Hypothetically, if I thought Pam was interested, then... No, it's totally hypothetical.
11192 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1924 Michael Come... Come on!
11193 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1924 Dwight I can't let you in, Michael.
11194 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1924 Michael Dwight, just...
11195 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1924 Dwight No, it's Bob and Phyllis' orders.
11196 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1924 Michael Look, I just wanted to go in and quietly sit and have a piece of cake. I'm not even going to dance one song.
11197 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1924 Dwight You are a real life wedding crasher and I must bounce you. I'm sorry, it gives me no pleasure.
11198 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1924 Michael OK.
11199 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1925 Roy Hey, they're playing our song.
11200 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1925 Pam Yeah, that's weird. I thought they only played the Police.
11201 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1925 Roy I know. Uh... I gave them twenty bucks. You want to dance?
11202 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1926 Michael ee... I was meant for you... buppity du bom bu.
11203 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1927 Roy Hey, want to get out of here?
11204 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1928 Jim Here's a 'not hypothetical'. I'm really happy I'm with Karen.
11205 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1929 Karen Every little thing she does is magic. Every little thing she do just turns me on. Even though my life before was tragic. Now I know my love for her goes on. Every...
11206 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1930 Women One... Two... Three. Ahhhh!
11207 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1931 Toby Toby! Yeah!
11208 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1932 Michael I just want Phyllis to have a great day.
11209 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1932 Uncle Al Phyllis and you will be great together.
11210 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1932 Michael We are great together. We are a great team.
11211 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1932 Uncle Al The Celtics were a great team.
11212 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1932 Michael Yes. Yes. They were. Robert Parrish! I should talk to her. I don't want this to ruin her honeymoon.
11213 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1932 Uncle Al Nobody ever helped me. I had to do it myself. Even the doctor didn't know!
11214 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1932 Michael Dude, keep it together. I listened to you for half an hour even though most of that stuff went right over my head.
11215 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1933 Michael Phyllis. Phyllis! Wait! Please. I'm sorry. I just... I just wanted to make this a day to remember.
11216 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1933 Phyllis You found Uncle Al!
11217 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1933 Michael Yeah. Yeah. He's kind of a weirdo.
11218 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1933 Phyllis Thank you, Michael.
11219 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1933 Michael You're... You're welcome.
11220 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1934 Michael They say that your wedding day goes by in such a flash that your lucky if you even get a piece of your own cake. I say that's crazy. I say let them eat cake. Margaret Thatcher said that about marriage. Smart broad.
11221 3 16 Phyllis' Wedding 1935 Michael Be careful. Oh no!! Oh wow! Phyllis! Phyllis! You look like a clown! Here. Get me! Get me!
11222 3 17 Business School 1936 Michael Oh hey, Kevin, nice of you to join us, where were you?
11223 3 17 Business School 1936 Kevin My tire blew out on the way here, Michael.
11224 3 17 Business School 1936 Michael Huh?
11225 3 17 Business School 1936 Kevin I almost died. I... I went into this skid---
11226 3 17 Business School 1936 Michael Pop quiz.
11227 3 17 Business School 1936 Kevin ...What?
11228 3 17 Business School 1936 Michael Why is today a special day?
11229 3 17 Business School 1936 Kevin I almost died.
11230 3 17 Business School 1936 Michael Today's a special day, because I am being honored as a... visiting... professor, special lecturer, emeritus... how did you, how did you...
11231 3 17 Business School 1936 Ryan You will be a guest speaker... in my Emerging Enterprises class.
11232 3 17 Business School 1936 Michael In business school, Kevin. Business school.
11233 3 17 Business School 1936 Kevin Wow.
11234 3 17 Business School 1937 Michael A boss is like a teacher. And I am like the cool teacher. Like Mr. Handell. Mr. Handell would hang out with us, and he would tell us awesome jokes. And he actually hooked up with one of the students. Um... and then like twelve other kids came forward. It was in all the papers. ... Really ruined eighth grade for us.
11235 3 17 Business School 1938 Michael Here we go. College Roadshow. Gotta bring our... A game. What was the most inspiring thing I've ever said to you?
11236 3 17 Business School 1938 Dwight "Don't be an idiot." Changed my life.
11237 3 17 Business School 1939 Dwight Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, "Would an idiot do that?" And if they would, I do not do that thing.
11238 3 17 Business School 1940 Michael Will they throw their hats, you think?
11239 3 17 Business School 1940 Ryan What?
11240 3 17 Business School 1940 Michael A lot of times, at a... school, or naval academy, after a rousing speech, the crowd would throw its hats high into the air.
11241 3 17 Business School 1940 Ryan Y-You understand nobody's graduating.
11242 3 17 Business School 1940 Michael Yeah, I know, I know. I'm just saying if they did throw their hats I've got a great line for that: "May your hats fly as high as your dreams." ... That was a pretty good line.
11243 3 17 Business School 1940 Ryan ...It doesn't apply.
11244 3 17 Business School 1940 Michael I understand! Wow. Relax, spazzy boy. Sometimes you're such a little spaz! Whoa, hey!
11245 3 17 Business School 1940 Ryan Quit it!
11246 3 17 Business School 1940 Michael We have fun.
11247 3 17 Business School 1941 Roy I can't for your art show tonight.
11248 3 17 Business School 1941 Pam Okay, just so you know, it's just the students from my class in a little studio.
11249 3 17 Business School 1941 Roy I-I wouldn't miss it for the world.
11250 3 17 Business School 1941 Pam Thanks.
11251 3 17 Business School 1942 Pam I'm really happy to be back with Roy. I think it shows maturity. Maturity and dignity. ... Is that braggy? I don't mean it to be braggy.
11252 3 17 Business School 1943 Roy Love ya.
11253 3 17 Business School 1943 Pam You too.
11254 3 17 Business School 1944 Jim Pam's with Roy. I'm with Karen. And, uh, Brangelina is with Frangelina. Movin' on.
11255 3 17 Business School 1945 Kelly I can't believe you're back together with Roy!
11256 3 17 Business School 1945 Pam Oh, yeah! We have such a solid foundation, you know.
11257 3 17 Business School 1945 Kelly Oh my God. You're so in love now.
11258 3 17 Business School 1945 Pam Yeah. Oh, you should come to my art show, by the way.
11259 3 17 Business School 1945 Kelly Oh, art show!
11260 3 17 Business School 1945 Pam I mean, it's not a big deal, but I think a lot of people from the office will be there.
11261 3 17 Business School 1945 Kelly ...Oh... yeah. Definitely... I'll be there. For sure.
11262 3 17 Business School 1946 Michael Campus. Brings back so many memories. ... That I would have made. Hey. Frisbee. Check that out. Aww! What do you say we get our Fris on before class? Whoo!
11263 3 17 Business School 1946 College Student ....Dude.
11264 3 17 Business School 1947 Dwight ...Oh my God. Animal stool.
11265 3 17 Business School 1947 Pam Dwight, what are you doing?
11266 3 17 Business School 1947 Dwight Solving a mystery, if that's quite alright with you. Come to Papa. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, what we have here is a bird that has been trapped in a vent. Fortunately I have found it befo--BAT! BAAAT! BAT!
11267 3 17 Business School 1947 Karen Oh my God!
11268 3 17 Business School 1947 Dwight BAAAAT! BAT! NO! EVERYONE REMAIN CALM! There it goes!
11269 3 17 Business School 1947 Stanley Goooood bye.
11270 3 17 Business School 1947 Angela ... Please don't let that stupid thing near me...
11271 3 17 Business School 1948 Michael Okay, this is it. Ryan is doing my intro right now.
11272 3 17 Business School 1948 Ryan ...Dunder-Mifflin can't compete with the modern chains, and management is unwilling, or unable, to adapt. Their customers are dying off...
11273 3 17 Business School 1948 Michael I can't hear what he's saying, but he looks like he's really into it.
11274 3 17 Business School 1949 Dwight We have... a bat... in the office.
11275 3 17 Business School 1950 Toby The simple solution would be to open a window... if we had... windows that could open.
11276 3 17 Business School 1951 Angela Poop is raining from the ceilings. Poop!
11277 3 17 Business School 1952 Jim Okay. Thanks. Animal control will be here at six.
11278 3 17 Business School 1952 Dwight At Six?! No, that is unacceptable. Okay, Jim, you are the number two in this office. You need to step up and show some leadership.
11279 3 17 Business School 1952 Jim I'm sorry what did you say? So wierd...
11280 3 17 Business School 1952 Dwight What? What's so wierd?
11281 3 17 Business School 1952 Jim The bat, I mean, I know I felt it bite me, but look. There's no mark. I feel so... tingly... so strangely powerful... Oh well.
11282 3 17 Business School 1953 Ryan And now, without further ado, I present the regional manager of Dunder Mifflin, Scranton, Michael Scott.
11283 3 17 Business School 1953 Michael Hello everyone, I am Michael Scott. And I would like to start today by inspiring you. May I borrow someone's textbook, please? Thank you. What have we here? Ooh. Economics. Very, very interesting. You cannot learn from books. Replace these pages with life lessons, and then, you will have... a book... that is worth its weight in gold. I know these are expensive, um, but the lesson is priceless. Good. Alright. I think you're inspired. Shall we proceed? There are four kinds of business: Tourism. Food service. Railroads, and sales. And hospitals slash manufacturing. And air travel.
11284 3 17 Business School 1954 Dwight This is your job, Halpert.
11285 3 17 Business School 1954 Jim Ow!
11286 3 17 Business School 1954 Karen Oh, what happened?
11287 3 17 Business School 1954 Jim That bread on your desk? I just picked it up. It's white hot.
11288 3 17 Business School 1954 Karen But Jim, this garlic bread is cold.
11289 3 17 Business School 1954 Jim What? ... No. It burned me. I... bizarre.
11290 3 17 Business School 1954 Dwight No... no. One crisis at a time.
11291 3 17 Business School 1955 Dwight If a vampire bat was in the U.S., it would make sense for it to come to a "sylvania." Like PENN-sylvania. Now that doesn't mean that Jim is going to become a vampire. Only that he carries the vampiric germ.
11292 3 17 Business School 1956 Michael So, you wanna start a business. How do you start? What do you need? Well, first of all, you need a building. And secondly, you need supply. You need something to sell. Now this could be anything. It could be... a... thingamajig. Or a... a whosi-whatsi. Or... a Whatchamacallit . Now, you need to sell those in order to have a PayDay . And, if you sell enough of them, you will make a 100 Grand . Satisfied?
11293 3 17 Business School 1957 Toby Oh, this looks great. I'd, I'd love to be there, but my daughter's play is tonight. ... Damnit! You know, one of the other parents will probably videotape it.
11294 3 17 Business School 1957 Pam Oh! No, you should go.
11295 3 17 Business School 1957 Toby Well, it's important to support local art, you know. And what they do is not art.
11296 3 17 Business School 1958 Michael Okay, I'm seeing some confused... faces out there. Let me slow down a little bit. Break this down. Okay. The more stickers you sell, the more profit, fancy word for money, you have to buy PlayStations and Beanie Babies.
11297 3 17 Business School 1958 Ryan Michael.
11298 3 17 Business School 1958 Michael ...And products!
11299 3 17 Business School 1958 Ryan What we normally do here is more of a question and answer thing.
11300 3 17 Business School 1958 Michael Well... okay, I was just kind of getting it going. Um, alright. Well, okay, we can do questions. Okay. Very good. First hand up.
11301 3 17 Business School 1958 Business Student #1 Sir, as a company that primary distributes paper, how have you adapted your business model to function in an increasingly paperless world?
11302 3 17 Business School 1958 Michael We can't overestimate the value of computers. Yes, they are great for playing games and forwarding funny emails. But real business is done on paper, okay? Write that down.
11303 3 17 Business School 1959 Karen Hey Jim, here's the aspirin you wanted.
11304 3 17 Business School 1959 Jim Oh, thank God. I have such a headache from that glare.
11305 3 17 Business School 1959 Karen What glare?
11306 3 17 Business School 1959 Jim The glare off Angela's crucifix? It's blinding.
11307 3 17 Business School 1960 Dwight I don't have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once. But by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor's dog.
11308 3 17 Business School 1961 Dwight Extraordinary events call for extraordinary actions. We form an allegiance--
11309 3 17 Business School 1961 Creed Sure.
11310 3 17 Business School 1961 Dwight #NAME?
11311 3 17 Business School 1961 Creed Okay.
11312 3 17 Business School 1961 Dwight Do you have the tools to turn a wooden mop handle into a stake?
11313 3 17 Business School 1961 Creed What size?
11314 3 17 Business School 1962 Business Student #2 What do you say to a customer who wants to leave you for the convenience and savings of a nationwide chain?
11315 3 17 Business School 1962 Michael ...I say you will miss our service, and I absolutely guarantee you'll come back.
11316 3 17 Business School 1962 Business Student #2 Has anyone ever come back?
11317 3 17 Business School 1962 Michael ...We don't want them back, 'cause they're... stupid.
11318 3 17 Business School 1962 Business Student #3 How far has your Herfindahl index declined since the merger?
11319 3 17 Business School 1962 Michael Nice try, how's your Pollack-says-what index?
11320 3 17 Business School 1962 Business Student #3 ...What?
11321 3 17 Business School 1962 Michael Thanks, Kowalsky. Um, can we get on track here?
11322 3 17 Business School 1962 Business Student #1 By your own employee's calculation you'll be obsolete in the next five to ten years.
11323 3 17 Business School 1962 Michael ...Wait, Ryan said that?
11324 3 17 Business School 1963 Kelly What are you doing? You'd better not hurt that little bat.
11325 3 17 Business School 1963 Creed Animals can't feel pain.
11326 3 17 Business School 1963 Kelly Don't hurt that bat, Creed! It's a living thing with feelings and a family!
11327 3 17 Business School 1963 Dwight Flush him towards the door. On my go... NOW!
11328 3 17 Business School 1963 Kelly AHH! KILL IT! KILL IT! KILL IIIT!
11329 3 17 Business School 1963 Kevin I... am a hero!
11330 3 17 Business School 1964 Michael Yeah sure, you know business, sitting up here in your ivory tower. And your ebony tower. You know what? Tell you one thing, Dunder-Mifflin is here to stay.
11331 3 17 Business School 1964 Business Student #2 But how can you compete against a company with the resources of a nationwide chain?
11332 3 17 Business School 1964 Michael David will always beat Goliath.
11333 3 17 Business School 1964 Business Student #1 But there's five Goliaths, there's... Staples, Officemax...
11334 3 17 Business School 1964 Michael Yeah, yeah. You know what else is facing five Goliaths? America. Al-Qaeda, global warming, s*x predators... mercury poisoning. So do we just give up? Is that what we're learning in business school?
11335 3 17 Business School 1964 Business Student #1 But in the big picture...
11336 3 17 Business School 1964 Michael Dunder-Mifflin is the big picture! Can't you understand that? No, you can't. You're too young. Ryan... has never made a sale. And he started a fire trying to make a cheesy pita. And everybody thinks he's a tease. Well you know what? He doesn't know anything, and neither do you. SO SUCK ON THAT!
11337 3 17 Business School 1965 Ryan ...It wasn't personal.
11338 3 17 Business School 1965 Michael Business is always personal. It's the most personal thing in the world. When we get back to the office, pack your things.
11339 3 17 Business School 1965 Ryan Pack my--?
11340 3 17 Business School 1965 Michael You heard me, pack your things.
11341 3 17 Business School 1966 Meredith I really want to come out!
11342 3 17 Business School 1966 Creed Good night, Mary Beth!
11343 3 17 Business School 1967 Jim So... you're cool to just wait here for animal control?
11344 3 17 Business School 1967 Dwight Animal control? I've been controlling animals since I was six.
11345 3 17 Business School 1967 Jim Cool. Okay. I'm gonna go home and lie down, draw the shades... there's just so much sun in here... bye Dwight.
11346 3 17 Business School 1967 Dwight Goodbye Jim. And good luck.
11347 3 17 Business School 1968 Dwight Jim is on a path now. An eternal journey, and I wish him well. But I have a destiny in this realm. Specifically, in the kitchen.
11348 3 17 Business School 1969 Pam ...And it's all from the same series.
11349 3 17 Business School 1969 Woman Oh.
11350 3 17 Business School 1969 Pam Called 'Impressions.'
11351 3 17 Business School 1969 Woman Oh.
11352 3 17 Business School 1969 Pam Not that I call myself an impressionist, per se.
11353 3 17 Business School 1969 Woman Maybe one day.
11354 3 17 Business School 1969 Pam I hope so.
11355 3 17 Business School 1969 Woman Mmm.
11356 3 17 Business School 1969 Pam I still need... you know, my breakthrough, or whatever. Hey, babe, how are you?
11357 3 17 Business School 1969 Roy Good. Alright I brought my brother, huh?
11358 3 17 Business School 1969 Pam Hey, Kenny.
11359 3 17 Business School 1969 Kenny Hey Pam.
11360 3 17 Business School 1969 Roy How 'bout this, huh? I show up with my brother, and, no one from work is here? That's... pretty cool, huh?
11361 3 17 Business School 1970 Dwight Magic time. Gyeeeaahhh!
11362 3 17 Business School 1970 Meredith Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Get off! Get off me! Get off me!
11363 3 17 Business School 1970 Dwight Hold still, woman!
11364 3 17 Business School 1970 Meredith Get off me! Get it off! Ahhhh!
11365 3 17 Business School 1970 Dwight ... ... You're welcome.
11366 3 17 Business School 1971 Roy It's cool if I go, right? I mean, I looked at all of them.
11367 3 17 Business School 1971 Pam Yeah, I'll just, I'll drive myself home.
11368 3 17 Business School 1971 Roy To my place?
11369 3 17 Business School 1971 Pam Maybe, I'm a little tired.
11370 3 17 Business School 1971 Roy Your art.. was the prettiest art of... all art.
11371 3 17 Business School 1971 Pam Thank you.
11372 3 17 Business School 1972 Ryan Look, I'm sorry, okay? I was just trying to do my presentation, and... of course, I was wrong to suggest that Dunder-Mifflin might ever go out of business. But you don't have to fire me.
11373 3 17 Business School 1972 Michael Fire you? No, no no. You are moving... to the annex.
11374 3 17 Business School 1972 Ryan To the annex? Where... Kelly is?
11375 3 17 Business School 1972 Michael A good manager doesn't fire people. He hires people and inspires people. ... People, Ryan. And people will never go out of business.
11376 3 17 Business School 1973 Oscar You're the one who said we needed more culture.
11377 3 17 Business School 1973 Gil This is culture to you?
11378 3 17 Business School 1973 Oscar It's her first try.
11379 3 17 Business School 1973 Gil Yeah, on Van Gogh's first try, he drew the hands of the peasants.
11380 3 17 Business School 1973 Oscar Meaning what?
11381 3 17 Business School 1973 Gil Meaning, real art takes courage, okay? And honesty.
11382 3 17 Business School 1973 Oscar Well, those aren't Pam's strong points.
11383 3 17 Business School 1973 Gil Yeah, exactly. That's why this is... motel art.
11384 3 17 Business School 1974 Artist Thanks for coming.
11385 3 17 Business School 1974 Michael Pam-casso! Sorry I'm late, I had to race across town.
11386 3 17 Business School 1974 Pam Oh, Michael.
11387 3 17 Business School 1974 Michael Wow! You did these... freehand?
11388 3 17 Business School 1974 Pam Yep.
11389 3 17 Business School 1974 Michael My God, these could be tracings! Ohh! Look at this one. Wow! You nailed it. ... How much?
11390 3 17 Business School 1974 Pam What do you mean?
11391 3 17 Business School 1974 Michael I don't see a... price.
11392 3 17 Business School 1974 Pam Um... you wanna buy it?
11393 3 17 Business School 1974 Michael Well, yeah. Yeah, we have to have it for the office. I mean, there's my... window, and there's my car! That your car?
11394 3 17 Business School 1974 Pam Uh-huh.
11395 3 17 Business School 1974 Michael That is our building... and we sell paper. ... I am really proud of you.
11396 3 17 Business School 1974 Pam ... Thank you.
11397 3 17 Business School 1974 Michael What?
11398 3 17 Business School 1974 Pam Do you have something in your pocket?
11399 3 17 Business School 1974 Michael ...Chunky. Do you want half?
11400 3 17 Business School 1974 Pam No thank you.
11401 3 17 Business School 1974 Michael Okay.
11402 3 17 Business School 1975 Michael It is... a message. It is an inspiration, it is... a source of beauty. And without paper, it could not have happened. Unless, you had a camera.
11403 3 17 Business School 1976 Kelly Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God...
11404 3 17 Business School 1976 Ryan It's only temporary, okay? Don't get excited.
11405 3 17 Business School 1976 Kelly I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't...
11406 3 18 Cocktails 1977 Michael Can you confirm that the straps are tight?
11407 3 18 Cocktails 1977 Dwight Yes. But this seems to be...
11408 3 18 Cocktails 1977 Michael And now, the chains.
11409 3 18 Cocktails 1978 Michael A lot of people think that magic camp is just for kids. And that's why so many other people in my class were kids. Self fulfilling prophecy. It's um, it's really for anybody with a dream and a belief in magic and a little extra time after school.
11410 3 18 Cocktails 1979 Michael MAGIC MAGIC Magic Magic magic magic... And now, Michael the Magic, will attempt to escape from extreme bondage. Can he do it? I don't see how he can.
11411 3 18 Cocktails 1979 Dwight I know how. Dislocate his shoulder and slip his arm out from underneath.
11412 3 18 Cocktails 1979 Michael No. No. Everyone, now count down with me. THREE!
11413 3 18 Cocktails 1979 Jim Sorry, quick thing. Is it true that if you can't get out, you don't want anyone to help you?
11414 3 18 Cocktails 1979 Michael I will get out. Oh yes, I will.
11415 3 18 Cocktails 1979 Pam So we shouldn't help you, no matter how much you might beg and plead?
11416 3 18 Cocktails 1979 Michael No. Alright, this is getting hot. So let's just do this. Ok, ready? Three, two, one, go.
11417 3 18 Cocktails 1979 Michael AHHHH!
11418 3 18 Cocktails 1979 Kevin Is everything ok, Michael?
11419 3 18 Cocktails 1979 Michael Yes.
11420 3 18 Cocktails 1980 Michael I cannot tell you how I plan to escape. Other than by using magic. That is the magician's code. Separately, on an unrelated note, if you happen to find a small brass key...
11421 3 18 Cocktails 1981 Michael Alright.
11422 3 18 Cocktails 1981 Michael Ready? Come on guys. Early worm gets the worm.
11423 3 18 Cocktails 1981 Jim Another worm? Like, are they friends?
11424 3 18 Cocktails 1981 Dwight It's early bird gets the worm.
11425 3 18 Cocktails 1981 Michael Pam, would you smell my breath?
11426 3 18 Cocktails 1981 Pam No, no.
11427 3 18 Cocktails 1981 Dwight Let me smell. Good, not great.
11428 3 18 Cocktails 1982 Michael "Michael, you go to parties all the time, why is tonight so special?" Well, tonight is so special because my boss's boss's boss, the CFO, not his initials, common mistake, is having a little shindig for all the managers in the company. And Jan and I are going as a couple. For the first time. So it's kind of our coming out party. Really. And that is why tonight is so special.
11429 3 18 Cocktails 1983 Michael Jimbo, last chance to carpool.
11430 3 18 Cocktails 1983 Jim Oh no thanks, I think Karen and I will take my car.
11431 3 18 Cocktails 1983 Michael Sure? Might be a good idea.
11432 3 18 Cocktails 1983 Jim Yeah.
11433 3 18 Cocktails 1983 Michael Go in together, could save some gas, have some fun, long trip.
11434 3 18 Cocktails 1983 Jim Thanks.
11435 3 18 Cocktails 1983 Michael Play some games?
11436 3 18 Cocktails 1983 Jim Oh. Um. I think we're good.
11437 3 18 Cocktails 1983 Michael I spy?
11438 3 18 Cocktails 1983 Jim Yeah.
11439 3 18 Cocktails 1984 Jim Why don't I wanna go? Didn't expect to need a reason, so let me think here. Um. I don't know any of these people. It's an obligation. I don't like talking paper in my free time, or in my work time. And, did I use the word pointless?
11440 3 18 Cocktails 1985 Dwight Thanks for inviting me along.
11441 3 18 Cocktails 1985 Michael Oh, sure. Really didn't give it any thought. Wait, should you be going? Heh-woh you.
11442 3 18 Cocktails 1985 Jan Michael?
11443 3 18 Cocktails 1985 Michael Hey, Buttercup.
11444 3 18 Cocktails 1985 Jan Hi.
11445 3 18 Cocktails 1985 Michael I am on my way. I should be there in about 15...
11446 3 18 Cocktails 1985 Jan Let's just blow this party off.
11447 3 18 Cocktails 1985 Michael That's what she said.
11448 3 18 Cocktails 1985 Jan Am I on speaker phone?
11449 3 18 Cocktails 1985 Michael Uh, yes you are.
11450 3 18 Cocktails 1985 Jan Is anybody else in the...
11451 3 18 Cocktails 1985 Dwight Hello, Jan.
11452 3 18 Cocktails 1985 Jan Hi, Dwight. Ok, Michael, take me off speaker phone.
11453 3 18 Cocktails 1985 Michael No problem.
11454 3 18 Cocktails 1985 Jan Ok. Let's just go to a motel...
11455 3 18 Cocktails 1985 Michael Ok.
11456 3 18 Cocktails 1985 Jan ...and just like rip into each other like we did on that black sand beach in Jamaica.
11457 3 18 Cocktails 1985 Michael Ok. Jan. Jan? This party is actually a really big step for us. So, I...
11458 3 18 Cocktails 1985 Jan Still on speaker?
11459 3 18 Cocktails 1985 Michael Ummm... I don't know.
11460 3 18 Cocktails 1985 Jan Are camera's there?
11461 3 18 Cocktails 1985 Michael Maybe.
11462 3 18 Cocktails 1985 Jan See you soon.
11463 3 18 Cocktails 1985 Michael Ok.
11464 3 18 Cocktails 1985 Dwight Talk to you later, Jan.
11465 3 18 Cocktails 1985 Michael Alright. Bye.
11466 3 18 Cocktails 1986 Pam Hey, Michael left early, so a bunch of us are going to go to Poor Richard's for happy hour. You should come.
11467 3 18 Cocktails 1986 Roy I can't. My brother, he just unloaded the jet ski's and kinda took a bath, so... we're going to go get hammered.
11468 3 18 Cocktails 1986 Pam Ok, well, we're going to a bar. Hey. You have to come to stuff with me. I'm serious! If you're going to be my boyfriend, you have to do boyfriend things.
11469 3 18 Cocktails 1986 Roy Ok.
11470 3 18 Cocktails 1987 Pam I have decided that I'm going to be more honest. I'm going to tell people what I want. Directly. So, look out world, cause ol' Pammy is getting what she wants. And, don't call me Pammy.
11471 3 18 Cocktails 1988 Michael Beauty. Thank you sir!
11472 3 18 Cocktails 1988 Dwight Salad.
11473 3 18 Cocktails 1988 Michael Thank you.
11474 3 18 Cocktails 1988 Dwight You dressed exactly like the servants.
11475 3 18 Cocktails 1988 Michael Shut up. Ok, change shirts with me.
11476 3 18 Cocktails 1988 Dwight Wait. I don't think yours will fit me.
11477 3 18 Cocktails 1988 Michael I don't care. Oh, wow. Here. Don't put my jacket. Don't give me that.
11478 3 18 Cocktails 1988 Dwight That would have been really embarrassing.
11479 3 18 Cocktails 1988 Michael Yes.
11480 3 18 Cocktails 1988 Dwight Crisis averted.
11481 3 18 Cocktails 1988 Michael Ok.
11482 3 18 Cocktails 1989 Pam Oh, that duck is so cute.
11483 3 18 Cocktails 1989 Kevin Hey Pam.
11484 3 18 Cocktails 1989 Pam Hey guys.
11485 3 18 Cocktails 1989 Kevin Oscar. Angela.
11486 3 18 Cocktails 1990 Michael Hi.
11487 3 18 Cocktails 1991 Michael Actually, it's polite to arrive early. And smart. Only really good friends show up early. Ergo de facto. Go to a party really early. Become a really good friend.
11488 3 18 Cocktails 1992 Michael Oh, um, potato salad.
11489 3 18 Cocktails 1992 Dwight It's from both of us.
11490 3 18 Cocktails 1992 Michael No, it's not.
11491 3 18 Cocktails 1992 Rachel Wonderful, let's, ah, see where we can put this. Ok.
11492 3 18 Cocktails 1992 Michael Oh, you probably want to leave the cover on until the guests get here.
11493 3 18 Cocktails 1993 Michael It's been sitting in my car all day. Sun beating down on the mayonnaise. Just, you never know.
11494 3 18 Cocktails 1994 Pam Kevin, you and Stacy set a date yet?
11495 3 18 Cocktails 1994 Kevin Yeah.
11496 3 18 Cocktails 1994 Kelly Oh my God, when is it?
11497 3 18 Cocktails 1994 Kevin It's complicated. I would appreciate some space on this.
11498 3 18 Cocktails 1994 Roy Hey.
11499 3 18 Cocktails 1994 Pam Hey. You made it.
11500 3 18 Cocktails 1994 Roy You said it was important, so... How's it going?
11501 3 18 Cocktails 1994 Kenny What's up, Pam.
11502 3 18 Cocktails 1994 Pam Hey Kenny, sorry about the jet skis.
11503 3 18 Cocktails 1994 Roy You guys, uh, want a round, on me?
11504 3 18 Cocktails 1994 Everyone Yeah.
11505 3 18 Cocktails 1994 Roy Yeah? Get you a drink.
11506 3 18 Cocktails 1994 Kenny Thanks man.
11507 3 18 Cocktails 1994 Angela No thank you, Roy.
11508 3 18 Cocktails 1995 Dwight Oh, you know that line on the top of the shrimp? That's feces.
11509 3 18 Cocktails 1996 Michael What are you looking for? You bring dip?
11510 3 18 Cocktails 1996 Jan I'm sure that it's catered. I need you to sign these, Michael. It's a waver of some of your rights. You should read it carefully. It releases the company in the event that our relationship, in your opinion or in reality, interferes with work. You get a copy, I get a copy, and a third copy goes to HR.
11511 3 18 Cocktails 1996 Michael Awesome. I'm going to frame mine. I could frame yours too.
11512 3 18 Cocktails 1996 Jan You realize this is a legal document that says you can't sue the company.
11513 3 18 Cocktails 1996 Michael Over our love.
11514 3 18 Cocktails 1996 Jan I've never told you that I love you.
11515 3 18 Cocktails 1996 Michael You don't have to, Jan. This contract says it all.
11516 3 18 Cocktails 1997 Jan I am taking a calculated risk. What's the upside? I overcome my nausea, fall deeply in love, babies, normalcy, no more self loathing. Downside? I, uh, date Michael Scott publicly and collapse in on myself like a dying star.
11517 3 18 Cocktails 1998 Jan What's this over the "i"?
11518 3 18 Cocktails 1998 Michael It's a heart.
11519 3 18 Cocktails 1999 Jan Why is this so hard? That's what she said. Oh my God. What am I saying?
11520 3 18 Cocktails 2000 Michael I love this woman!
11521 3 18 Cocktails 2000 Jan Oh, no. Michael, please. Michael, please.
11522 3 18 Cocktails 2001 Dwight Do you ever watch Battlestar Galactica?
11523 3 18 Cocktails 2001 Dan Gore No.
11524 3 18 Cocktails 2001 Dwight No? Then you are an idiot.
11525 3 18 Cocktails 2002 Rachel Hello Michael.
11526 3 18 Cocktails 2002 Michael Rachel. Boy, you clean up good. Place looks great with all the lights on. And everything. Actually looks bigger with people in it. It's weird. So...
11527 3 18 Cocktails 2002 David Jan, glad you could make it.
11528 3 18 Cocktails 2002 Jan Of course, of course, David. Do you remember Michael Scott?
11529 3 18 Cocktails 2002 David Of course I do.
11530 3 18 Cocktails 2002 Jan From the Scranton Branch.
11531 3 18 Cocktails 2002 Michael Jan and I are lovers. It feels so good to finally say that out loud.
11532 3 18 Cocktails 2002 Jan David, can I, um, speak to you privately for just a moment, please.
11533 3 18 Cocktails 2002 Rachel Excuse me.
11534 3 18 Cocktails 2002 Michael Ok.
11535 3 18 Cocktails 2003 Pam Oh. No. Actually, one of these is supposed to be a lite.
11536 3 18 Cocktails 2003 Bartender Oh, sorry.
11537 3 18 Cocktails 2004 Man So did the merger go smoothly, or?
11538 3 18 Cocktails 2004 Michael It did. Like butter. Mike Myers, SNL. You should ask Karen, she was one of them.
11539 3 18 Cocktails 2004 Karen I'm the only one left. Everyone else was either fired or quit. And there is one in Anger Management.
11540 3 18 Cocktails 2004 Michael Yeah, but you're great now, right? We're all great. Aren't we great?
11541 3 18 Cocktails 2004 Jan We're good. Michael, stop. Please stop that, ok?
11542 3 18 Cocktails 2004 Rachel Can I get anyone anything, or?
11543 3 18 Cocktails 2004 Michael I could go for an appeteaser.
11544 3 18 Cocktails 2004 Jan Martini please.
11545 3 18 Cocktails 2004 Michael Bagel bites or something.
11546 3 18 Cocktails 2004 Karen Rachel, your house is beautiful.
11547 3 18 Cocktails 2004 Rachel Thank you.
11548 3 18 Cocktails 2004 Dwight What's the square footage?
11549 3 18 Cocktails 2004 David About 5,000.
11550 3 18 Cocktails 2004 Dwight Does that include the garage?
11551 3 18 Cocktails 2004 Michael Dwight, wow. That's not appropriate.
11552 3 18 Cocktails 2004 Dwight I'm just...
11553 3 18 Cocktails 2004 David I don't know
11554 3 18 Cocktails 2004 Dwight It's a common question.
11555 3 18 Cocktails 2004 Michael David, how much did this house cost?
11556 3 18 Cocktails 2004 Dwight These old colonials are great, when they're sound. I'd love to take a look around.
11557 3 18 Cocktails 2004 Rachel I'll show you around.
11558 3 18 Cocktails 2004 Dwight Cool, let's start with the banisters.
11559 3 18 Cocktails 2005 Karen Hey, do you see that guy behind you in the blue blazer against the wall?
11560 3 18 Cocktails 2005 Jim Yep.
11561 3 18 Cocktails 2005 Karen That's Drake. And just so you know, I don't want to be weird or anything, but we use to date.
11562 3 18 Cocktails 2005 Jim Oh, ok. Cool. Thanks for telling me.
11563 3 18 Cocktails 2005 Karen And it didn't end well.
11564 3 18 Cocktails 2005 Jim Gotcha. Alright.
11565 3 18 Cocktails 2006 David This was a gift from Lee Iacocca. Twenty year old, single malt scotch.
11566 3 18 Cocktails 2006 Michael Here is to Mr. Iacocca and his failed experiment, the De Lorean.
11567 3 18 Cocktails 2006 Jan You ok?
11568 3 18 Cocktails 2006 Michael Yeah. Do you have any ice?
11569 3 18 Cocktails 2006 David Sure.
11570 3 18 Cocktails 2006 Michael How about some Splenda?
11571 3 18 Cocktails 2007 Roy One, two, three, up Jenkins! Down Jenkins. Oh, I think I heard the quarter over here.
11572 3 18 Cocktails 2007 Kenny Where?
11573 3 18 Cocktails 2007 Roy On this side.
11574 3 18 Cocktails 2007 Kevin No, it is definitely under one of these hands.
11575 3 18 Cocktails 2007 Ryan I think I heard it on Roy's side.
11576 3 18 Cocktails 2007 Kevin No, it is here.
11577 3 18 Cocktails 2007 Ryan Not here. Not here. Not here. Not here.
11578 3 18 Cocktails 2007 Kevin Good thing you didn't listen to me.
11579 3 18 Cocktails 2007 Ryan Yeah, close one.
11580 3 18 Cocktails 2007 Roy Not here. Not here. It's either here or here. Not here. .
11581 3 18 Cocktails 2007 Kenny YES!
11582 3 18 Cocktails 2007 Pam Nice job.
11583 3 18 Cocktails 2007 Roy I can read you like a book.
11584 3 18 Cocktails 2007 Pam Oh yeah?
11585 3 18 Cocktails 2007 Roy You can't keep anything from me.
11586 3 18 Cocktails 2008 Student 1 Hey Creed.
11587 3 18 Cocktails 2008 Creed Hey! What are you guys doing here?
11588 3 18 Cocktails 2008 Student 2 You're the man buddy.
11589 3 18 Cocktails 2009 Creed I run a small fake ID company from my car with a laminating machine I swiped from the sheriff's station.
11590 3 18 Cocktails 2010 Dwight Huh. Yeah, these studs are way too far apart. What's in here? .
11591 3 18 Cocktails 2010 Rachel Uh, that's a guest room.
11592 3 18 Cocktails 2010 Dwight Just the one window?
11593 3 18 Cocktails 2010 Rachel Oh. I must get that. You'll have to excuse me.
11594 3 18 Cocktails 2010 Dwight Are those real pearls?
11595 3 18 Cocktails 2010 Rachel Uh, yes.
11596 3 18 Cocktails 2010 Dwight Good.
11597 3 18 Cocktails 2011 Jim Well, it was nice meeting you guys. Take care.
11598 3 18 Cocktails 2011 Karen Well, if you're wondering why his wife was staring daggers at me, it's because I kinda saw him for a little bit while they were separated.
11599 3 18 Cocktails 2011 Jim Oh. Hadn't noticed.
11600 3 18 Cocktails 2011 Karen Really? I thought it was so obvious. I'm glad it didn't make you uncomfortable.
11601 3 18 Cocktails 2011 Jim No, it was before I knew you so, its fine.
11602 3 18 Cocktails 2012 Michael This one really smells like vanilla. Check that out.
11603 3 18 Cocktails 2012 Jan It's nice.
11604 3 18 Cocktails 2012 Michael You and the misses should join us at Sandals Jamaica next Christmas.
11605 3 18 Cocktails 2012 Jan I, Michael, I think David probably wants to spend Christmas here with his family.
11606 3 18 Cocktails 2012 Michael Oh yeah, they don't allow kids at Sandals. They are persona non gratis... there. But it's fun. It's an awesome place. You would not believe how low this girl can limbo.
11607 3 18 Cocktails 2012 Jim Oh.
11608 3 18 Cocktails 2012 Michael Crazy.
11609 3 18 Cocktails 2012 Jan I'm sorry. You're just going to have to excuse us for just a couple minutes.
11610 3 18 Cocktails 2012 Michael Ok. Excuse me. What's going on? What is it?
11611 3 18 Cocktails 2012 Jan Sorry. Michael, come here. Just, just, just, just.
11612 3 18 Cocktails 2012 Michael What are you doing?
11613 3 18 Cocktails 2012 Jan Don't you know what I'm doing?
11614 3 18 Cocktails 2012 Michael Yes, but you could tell me. What... What is that? Why are you? Why are we going in the bathroom? I thought this is where you liked your privacy.
11615 3 18 Cocktails 2012 Jan Shut up.
11616 3 18 Cocktails 2013 Michael What has gotten into you?
11617 3 18 Cocktails 2013 Jan Come on.
11618 3 18 Cocktails 2013 Michael No, no, no.
11619 3 18 Cocktails 2013 Jan What?
11620 3 18 Cocktails 2013 Michael Come on, let's go back to the party.
11621 3 18 Cocktails 2013 Jan Just let me loosen my dress.
11622 3 18 Cocktails 2013 Michael Don't take that dress. Stop it, Jan.
11623 3 18 Cocktails 2013 Jan Michael.
11624 3 18 Cocktails 2013 Michael No, no, no, means please don't. Please.
11625 3 18 Cocktails 2013 Jan Slam me up against the wall, right here.
11626 3 18 Cocktails 2013 Michael I'm not going to slam you up against the wall.
11627 3 18 Cocktails 2013 Jan Oh, please.
11628 3 18 Cocktails 2013 Michael You're acting inappropriate. Jan.
11629 3 18 Cocktails 2013 Jan Oh, I'm acting inappropriate? Get out.
11630 3 18 Cocktails 2014 Toby Here.
11631 3 18 Cocktails 2014 Pam Hey, where have you been all night? I was looking forward to hanging out with you.
11632 3 18 Cocktails 2014 Toby I was...
11633 3 18 Cocktails 2014 Pam Hey, don't you have a daughter?
11634 3 18 Cocktails 2014 Toby Yes.
11635 3 18 Cocktails 2015 Dwight Oh good, you're up. Hey, who makes this chair?
11636 3 18 Cocktails 2015 Child I don't know, it was here when I was born.
11637 3 18 Cocktails 2015 Dwight I want one. It's got good solid construction. Comfortable. What is this? Oak?
11638 3 18 Cocktails 2015 Child I don't know.
11639 3 18 Cocktails 2015 Dwight What do you know?
11640 3 18 Cocktails 2016 David God, I hate these parties. Do you want to sneak out back and shoot some hoops? Meet me outside in two minutes.
11641 3 18 Cocktails 2017 Jim You stay here and have fun, because I'm going to go out back and shoot hoops with David Wallace.
11642 3 18 Cocktails 2017 Karen Ok. Oh, um, don't mention that you and I are dating cause I think he might still have feelings for me.
11643 3 18 Cocktails 2017 Jim Wallace? What the hell, have you dated like every guy here? Wow. Ok. You got me.
11644 3 18 Cocktails 2017 Karen I so got you.
11645 3 18 Cocktails 2017 Jim So, none of them?
11646 3 18 Cocktails 2017 Karen Of course not. I mean, you're kind of like, my first.
11647 3 18 Cocktails 2017 Jim Really?
11648 3 18 Cocktails 2017 Karen Oh my God, it's so easy. Fun.
11649 3 18 Cocktails 2017 Jim Ok.
11650 3 18 Cocktails 2017 Karen Hey Jan.
11651 3 18 Cocktails 2017 Jan Not too good.
11652 3 18 Cocktails 2018 Rachel Did you get a chance to try Michael's homemade potato salad?
11653 3 18 Cocktails 2019 Michael Rachel thinks that I brought homemade potato salad and I just picked it up at the supermarket. It's funny. I wish I could make potato salad that good. It's just potatoes and mayonnaise. There is something wrong with Jan.
11654 3 18 Cocktails 2020 David What's ah, what's with Jan and Michael?
11655 3 18 Cocktails 2020 Jim I don't know. Where to begin? My ball.
11656 3 18 Cocktails 2021 Dwight The chimney is in decent shape. Not great. I found some termite damage in a crawl space and some structural flaws in the foundation so all in all, it was a pretty fun cocktail party.
11657 3 18 Cocktails 2022 Roy What?
11658 3 18 Cocktails 2022 Pam I want us to make it. I want a fresh start.
11659 3 18 Cocktails 2022 Roy That's awesome. That's what I want.
11660 3 18 Cocktails 2022 Pam Oh ok, but in order for us to make it, there can't be any secrets between us.
11661 3 18 Cocktails 2022 Roy I didn't do anything. Ask anyone, I totally could have and I didn't at all.
11662 3 18 Cocktails 2022 Pam Just listen. Remember that casino night about a month before we were supposed to get married? I kissed Jim.
11663 3 18 Cocktails 2022 Roy What?
11664 3 18 Cocktails 2022 Pam He told me how he felt and I guess I had feelings too, and we kissed.
11665 3 18 Cocktails 2022 Roy Jim came on to you?
11666 3 18 Cocktails 2022 Pam Just listen.
11667 3 18 Cocktails 2022 Roy No, I am listening! That's the problem I am listening!
11668 3 18 Cocktails 2022 Pam Don't yell!
11669 3 18 Cocktails 2022 Roy Don't yell?!
11670 3 18 Cocktails 2022 Pam This is over.
11671 3 18 Cocktails 2022 Roy Yeah, you're right. This is so over. You kidding me, Pam!? Come on! God!
11672 3 18 Cocktails 2022 Kenny Damn jet skis!
11673 3 18 Cocktails 2023 Michael Our first fight. If this is about what happened in the bathroom, there was no place to cuddle...
11674 3 18 Cocktails 2023 Jan I feel sick.
11675 3 18 Cocktails 2023 Michael You didn't have any of the potato salad did you?
11676 3 18 Cocktails 2023 Jan No, we were good when we were just running around, you know, in secret. It was wrong and it was exciting. Maybe it was a mistake to take it public.
11677 3 18 Cocktails 2023 Michael Well, if that's the way you feel, my lady, then you have hurt me greatly.
11678 3 18 Cocktails 2023 Jan Please don't cry.
11679 3 18 Cocktails 2023 Michael I'm not going to cry. I feel like it but I am not going to. Why don't you just take your stupid love contract and tear it up into a million little pieces.
11680 3 18 Cocktails 2023 Jan It was never a love contract, Michael and besides, I have already given a copy to David and it would be just as embarrassing to get it back as I was handing it to him.
11681 3 18 Cocktails 2023 Michael I want the house, Jan. I want the picket fence. I want the ketchup fights and the tickling, and the giggling.
11682 3 18 Cocktails 2023 Jan I didn't mean it. I was...
11683 3 18 Cocktails 2023 Michael Whatever.
11684 3 18 Cocktails 2023 Jan Tired. I'm tired. And I didn't eat enough. And, and, that's all. That was it.
11685 3 18 Cocktails 2023 Michael That's all, you didn't mean it?
11686 3 18 Cocktails 2023 Jan That's all. I didn't mean it. That's all. I'm just saying I didn't mean it.
11687 3 18 Cocktails 2023 Michael I love you, Jan.
11688 3 18 Cocktails 2023 Jan Ok.
11689 3 18 Cocktails 2023 Dwight Don't break up you guys, you're great together.
11690 3 18 Cocktails 2024 Roy Are they going to call the cops?
11691 3 18 Cocktails 2024 Kenny No, I paid them off.
11692 3 18 Cocktails 2024 Roy Jet ski money?
11693 3 18 Cocktails 2024 Kenny All of it.
11694 3 18 Cocktails 2024 Roy I'm gonna kill Jim Halpert.
11695 3 19 The Negotiation 2025 Karen So do you want to see it or not?
11696 3 19 The Negotiation 2025 Jim I don't know. Feel like... Friday night crowds...
11697 3 19 The Negotiation 2025 Karen Oh my God, you're like, agoraphobic.
11698 3 19 The Negotiation 2025 Jim Agoraphobic?
11699 3 19 The Negotiation 2025 Karen Yeah.
11700 3 19 The Negotiation 2025 Jim Really?
11701 3 19 The Negotiation 2025 Karen Yeah! You would rather sit on your couch and watch a Phillies game, than go out to a movie with your awesome girlfriend.
11702 3 19 The Negotiation 2025 Jim Absolutely correct.
11703 3 19 The Negotiation 2025 Kevin Later, Jim.
11704 3 19 The Negotiation 2025 Jim Kev, have a good weekend.
11705 3 19 The Negotiation 2025 Karen Bye. Ok, so this is what's gonna happen. You're gonna suck it up.
11706 3 19 The Negotiation 2025 Jim Here we go...
11707 3 19 The Negotiation 2025 Karen ...and we're gonna go to dinner.
11708 3 19 The Negotiation 2025 Jim Ok...
11709 3 19 The Negotiation 2025 Karen And then we're gonna go to the movies.
11710 3 19 The Negotiation 2025 Jim Sounds good.
11711 3 19 The Negotiation 2025 Roy Hey Halpert!
11712 3 19 The Negotiation 2025 Jim Hey...
11713 3 19 The Negotiation 2025 Pam ROY!
11714 3 19 The Negotiation 2025 Pam Roy don't!
11715 3 19 The Negotiation 2025 Roy Ahh God!
11716 3 19 The Negotiation 2025 Dwight Pam, please call security!
11717 3 19 The Negotiation 2026 Dwight Everyday, for eight years, I have brought pepper spray into this office to protect myself and my fellow employees. And everyday, for eight years, people have laughed at me. Well, who's laughing now?
11718 3 19 The Negotiation 2027 Michael No need for consternation, everything is under control.
11719 3 19 The Negotiation 2027 Jan Michael, last Friday one of your employees attacked another employee in your office!
11720 3 19 The Negotiation 2027 Michael It was a crime of passion, Jan, not a disgruntled employee. Everyone here is extremely gruntled.
11721 3 19 The Negotiation 2027 Jan Is Toby there?
11722 3 19 The Negotiation 2027 Michael No...
11723 3 19 The Negotiation 2027 Toby I'm... here, Jan.
11724 3 19 The Negotiation 2027 Jan Ok, what... what is the situation Toby?
11725 3 19 The Negotiation 2027 Toby Well, we fired Roy, obviously. And Jim won't press charges against Roy or the company.
11726 3 19 The Negotiation 2027 Jan Thank God.
11727 3 19 The Negotiation 2027 Toby Yeah, um, but now apparently Darryl has some issue with his...
11728 3 19 The Negotiation 2027 Michael No, he has been wanting a raise for a couple of months and he's just using this Roy thing as leverage.
11729 3 19 The Negotiation 2027 Jan All right, well are you gonna take care of this?
11730 3 19 The Negotiation 2027 Michael Yeppers.
11731 3 19 The Negotiation 2027 Jan What did I tell you about "yeppers?"
11732 3 19 The Negotiation 2027 Michael I don't... remember.
11733 3 19 The Negotiation 2027 Jan I told you not to say it. Do you remember that?
11734 3 19 The Negotiation 2027 Michael Yeesh...
11735 3 19 The Negotiation 2028 Jim I guess... all things considered, I was lucky Dwight was there. And Roy was lucky that Dwight only used pepper spray. And not the nunchucks or the throwing stars.
11736 3 19 The Negotiation 2029 Jim Hey man, I never got a chance to thank you... for stopping Roy. Thank you.
11737 3 19 The Negotiation 2029 Dwight Thank you not necessary and thus, not accepted. I saw someone breaking the law and I interceded.
11738 3 19 The Negotiation 2029 Jim Okay. Um... Got you something.
11739 3 19 The Negotiation 2029 Dwight Don't want it.
11740 3 19 The Negotiation 2029 Jim You don't know what it is.
11741 3 19 The Negotiation 2029 Dwight Don't want it. Won't open it. Don't need it. Won't take it. Citizens do not accept prizes for being citizens.
11742 3 19 The Negotiation 2030 Jim It was a little glass display case for his for his bobblehead. That would have made us even, I think. He saves my life, I get him a box for his desk toy. Even Steven.
11743 3 19 The Negotiation 2031 Dwight No, don't call me a hero. Do you know who the real heroes are? The guys who wake up every morning, and go into their normal jobs, and get a distress call from the commissioner, and take off their glasses and change into capes and fly around fighting crime. Those are the real heroes.
11744 3 19 The Negotiation 2032 Oscar Angela, Roy's check. He's coming in later to pick it up.
11745 3 19 The Negotiation 2032 Kevin Man, I cannot believe I missed the fight.
11746 3 19 The Negotiation 2032 Oscar It was crazy.
11747 3 19 The Negotiation 2032 Angela You saw it? Describe it please.
11748 3 19 The Negotiation 2032 Oscar Well, I heard some shouting. And I look over and Roy's by reception and you could just tell he's gonna punch somebody. Jim says something. Roy stomps over there. All of the sudden, BAM. Roy goes down, and Dwight's standing there like an action hero.
11749 3 19 The Negotiation 2032 Angela Oh...
11750 3 19 The Negotiation 2032 Oscar It was insane!
11751 3 19 The Negotiation 2032 Angela Well... good for Dwight.
11752 3 19 The Negotiation 2033 Michael Ok I want you to be Darryl and ask me for a raise, because I want to try out some of these negotiation tactics on you.
11753 3 19 The Negotiation 2033 Jim Where'd you get that?
11754 3 19 The Negotiation 2033 Michael Wikipedia.
11755 3 19 The Negotiation 2034 Michael Wikipedia... is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject, so you know you are getting the best possible information.
11756 3 19 The Negotiation 2035 Michael Ok, Darryl, ask me for a raise.
11757 3 19 The Negotiation 2035 Jim Hey, Mike. Since Roy left I've been doing a lot more work, and I need a raise.
11758 3 19 The Negotiation 2035 Michael Hmm, well that's interesting Darryl. I think... that maybe you should...
11759 3 19 The Negotiation 2035 Jim I can't hear you.
11760 3 19 The Negotiation 2035 Michael What I'm saying is that,
11761 3 19 The Negotiation 2035 Jim Still nothin'.
11762 3 19 The Negotiation 2035 Michael Ok, see what I did?
11763 3 19 The Negotiation 2035 Jim No.
11764 3 19 The Negotiation 2035 Michael By leaning back, and by whispering, I established a dominant physical position.
11765 3 19 The Negotiation 2035 Jim Nice.
11766 3 19 The Negotiation 2035 Michael Ok, let's try another one. Um...
11767 3 19 The Negotiation 2035 Jim Okay.
11768 3 19 The Negotiation 2035 Michael Walking out of the room unexpectedly.
11769 3 19 The Negotiation 2035 Jim And what happens in this one?
11770 3 19 The Negotiation 2035 Michael It's a surprise.
11771 3 19 The Negotiation 2035 Jim Okay.
11772 3 19 The Negotiation 2035 Michael Go ahead, ask me for a raise.
11773 3 19 The Negotiation 2035 Jim Can I have a raise?
11774 3 19 The Negotiation 2035 Jim s*x, Steve Martin, Terri Hatcher.
11775 3 19 The Negotiation 2035 Michael What?
11776 3 19 The Negotiation 2035 Jim What?
11777 3 19 The Negotiation 2035 Michael No, what did you say?
11778 3 19 The Negotiation 2035 Jim I didn't say anything. I was waiting to see what happened.
11779 3 19 The Negotiation 2035 Michael Oh it... sounded interesting... what you were gonna...
11780 3 19 The Negotiation 2036 Dwight I saw the perpetrator advance toward the victim at a high rate of speed. His head was thrown back, his shoulder and arm cocked indicating an attack position. Perp grabbed the victim. I removed my weapon from its secure hiding place.
11781 3 19 The Negotiation 2036 Toby Which is where?
11782 3 19 The Negotiation 2036 Dwight Irrelevant. Discharged it at a distance of a little over a meter into the perpetrator's eyes, nose, and face area. Rendering him utterly and completely disabled. Then I contacted the authorities. The end.
11783 3 19 The Negotiation 2036 Toby Thanks Dwight.
11784 3 19 The Negotiation 2037 Kelly That is the bravest thing I have ever heard.
11785 3 19 The Negotiation 2037 Ryan I can't imagine what I would have done.
11786 3 19 The Negotiation 2037 Kelly I can. You would have left me to fend for myself. Like that time we were on the Ferris Wheel and that kid dropped a milk shake on me and you just laughed.
11787 3 19 The Negotiation 2037 Ryan Well that was funny, that's why.
11788 3 19 The Negotiation 2037 Kelly Oh it was?
11789 3 19 The Negotiation 2037 Ryan Mm-hmm.
11790 3 19 The Negotiation 2037 Kelly Okay, well the next time that you get scared, that you think a murderer's in your apartment in the middle of the night...
11791 3 19 The Negotiation 2037 Ryan Okay.
11792 3 19 The Negotiation 2037 Kelly ...and you call me, to calm you down...
11793 3 19 The Negotiation 2037 Ryan You know what? I didn't---
11794 3 19 The Negotiation 2037 Toby Can you stop...
11795 3 19 The Negotiation 2037 Kelly ...you can just call somebody else 'cause I'm not gonna do it anymore, Ryan. I'm not.
11796 3 19 The Negotiation 2037 Toby There's a bunch of people back here, maybe...
11797 3 19 The Negotiation 2037 Ryan Well, don't talk to me about calling people in the middle of the night...
11798 3 19 The Negotiation 2037 Toby Guys...
11799 3 19 The Negotiation 2037 Kelly I call you in the middle of the night to tell you that I love you!
11800 3 19 The Negotiation 2038 Toby I don't think Michael intended to punish me, by putting Ryan back here with Kelly. But, if he did intend that? Wow. Genius.
11801 3 19 The Negotiation 2039 Michael Yeah.
11802 3 19 The Negotiation 2039 Darryl You ready for me?
11803 3 19 The Negotiation 2039 Michael Yes, yeah, absolutely. Have a seat.
11804 3 19 The Negotiation 2039 Darryl Cool.
11805 3 19 The Negotiation 2039 Michael You know what? Actually, let's go into the conference room.
11806 3 19 The Negotiation 2039 Darryl Okay.
11807 3 19 The Negotiation 2039 Michael No, you know what? Let's stay here. No let's go... Yeah let's go to the conference room.
11808 3 19 The Negotiation 2040 Michael Tactic number six. Change the location of the meeting at the last second. Totally throws 'em off.
11809 3 19 The Negotiation 2041 Michael Number 14, declining to speak first. Makes them feel uncomfortable, puts you in control.
11810 3 19 The Negotiation 2042 Michael I am declining to speak first.
11811 3 19 The Negotiation 2042 Darryl Okay, I'll start. It's pretty simple really. I uh, I think I deserve a raise. I'm scheduled to get one in six months, but I'd like that to be moved up to now.
11812 3 19 The Negotiation 2042 Michael Hmm. Ohh, Darryl. You are a good worker, and a good man. I just, you know, times are tight. And I just don't think corporate is going to go for this right now.
11813 3 19 The Negotiation 2042 Darryl Are you wearin' lady clothes?
11814 3 19 The Negotiation 2042 Michael What?
11815 3 19 The Negotiation 2042 Darryl Are you wearin' lady clothes? Those look like lady... pants.
11816 3 19 The Negotiation 2042 Michael No, this is a power suit.
11817 3 19 The Negotiation 2042 Darryl That there's a woman's suit.
11818 3 19 The Negotiation 2042 Michael I do not buy woman's clothes. I would not make that mistake again.
11819 3 19 The Negotiation 2042 Darryl I'ma call Roy, man.
11820 3 19 The Negotiation 2042 Michael Ohh... kay.
11821 3 19 The Negotiation 2042 Darryl This is gonna make him feel better.
11822 3 19 The Negotiation 2042 Michael All right.
11823 3 19 The Negotiation 2042 Darryl This is too good.
11824 3 19 The Negotiation 2042 Michael Alright, you know what? Pam, could you please tell Darryl that this is not a woman's suit?
11825 3 19 The Negotiation 2042 Pam Oh my God, that's a woman's suit!
11826 3 19 The Negotiation 2042 Kevin You're wearing a woman's suit?
11827 3 19 The Negotiation 2042 Michael No, I do, I, I wear men's suits, OK? I got this out of a bin.
11828 3 19 The Negotiation 2043 Michael There were these huge bins of clothes, and everybody was rifling through them like crazy, and I grabbed one. And it fit! So I don't think that this is totally just a woman's suit. At the very least it's bisexual.
11829 3 19 The Negotiation 2044 Kevin Who makes it?
11830 3 19 The Negotiation 2044 Michael Uh, MISSterious. And it is mysterious because the buttons are on the wrong side... that's the mystery.
11831 3 19 The Negotiation 2044 Phyllis Look, it's got shoulderpads, and did you see that lining?
11832 3 19 The Negotiation 2044 Michael Okay.
11833 3 19 The Negotiation 2044 Phyllis Did you see...
11834 3 19 The Negotiation 2044 Michael Would you stop it, please?
11835 3 19 The Negotiation 2044 Jim So, none of that tipped you off?
11836 3 19 The Negotiation 2044 Michael It's European, OK? It's a European cut.
11837 3 19 The Negotiation 2044 Pam Michael, the pants don't have any pockets.
11838 3 19 The Negotiation 2044 Michael No, they don't. See?
11839 3 19 The Negotiation 2044 Michael Italians don't wear pockets.
11840 3 19 The Negotiation 2045 Pam It's been a really rough couple of days... This helps a little.
11841 3 19 The Negotiation 2046 Karen Hey, maybe you want to come over and raid my closet?
11842 3 19 The Negotiation 2046 Michael No, I don't want to do that because I'm twice your size anyway.
11843 3 19 The Negotiation 2046 Darryl Yeah, he look like Hillary Clinton.
11844 3 19 The Negotiation 2046 Michael Um, let's just do this in 15 minutes.
11845 3 19 The Negotiation 2046 Darryl Okay, can you just stand right there? I gotta send some e-mails.
11846 3 19 The Negotiation 2047 Michael Negotiations are all about controlling things. About being in the driver's seat. And make one tiny mistake, you're dead. I made one tiny mistake. I wore woman's clothes.
11847 3 19 The Negotiation 2048 Kevin Karen, how do you feel that Roy tried to kick your boyfriend's ass over another woman?
11848 3 19 The Negotiation 2048 Karen I feel great, Kevin. Thank you.
11849 3 19 The Negotiation 2048 Stanley You must have been scared out of your mind.
11850 3 19 The Negotiation 2048 Karen Well, you know it happened so fast I didn't really have time to be scared.
11851 3 19 The Negotiation 2048 Angela What happened, exactly? I wasn't here, so I haven't really heard the whole story.
11852 3 19 The Negotiation 2048 Karen Um, well, Jim and I were talking and Roy walked in looking super angry.
11853 3 19 The Negotiation 2048 Angela Mm-hmm.
11854 3 19 The Negotiation 2048 Karen And he's a big dude, you know? And all of a sudden, Jim pushed me out of the way, and Roy cocked his fist, and then bam, Dwight sprays him and knocks him on his butt.
11855 3 19 The Negotiation 2048 Angela Goodness.
11856 3 19 The Negotiation 2049 Karen When I heard Jim and Pam had kissed, my reaction was to have lots of long talks with Jim about our feelings. Roy just attacked him. I'm not sure which one Jim hated more.
11857 3 19 The Negotiation 2050 Michael Let's get down to business. Why don't you tell me why you think you deserve a raise.
11858 3 19 The Negotiation 2050 Darryl Well, it's simple Mike. I mean we merged these two branches right? So now we're shipping twice as many orders as we used to. With Roy gone we got a smaller crew. And I'm pickin' up all of his slack, so I think I should be compensated fairly, by gettin' a raise.
11859 3 19 The Negotiation 2050 Darryl What? I can't hear you.
11860 3 19 The Negotiation 2050 Michael That was a very good point.
11861 3 19 The Negotiation 2050 Darryl I can't--- what, Mike? Are you---
11862 3 19 The Negotiation 2050 Michael You make a very compelling argument.
11863 3 19 The Negotiation 2051 Pam Sorry I almost got you killed.
11864 3 19 The Negotiation 2051 Jim Yeah, that was nuts.
11865 3 19 The Negotiation 2051 Pam He could have broken your nose or something. Crazy. It's just so stupid. I mean, getting back with Roy and everything. I mean, what was I thinking, right?
11866 3 19 The Negotiation 2051 Jim No, I mean, you guys really seem to have a strong connection.
11867 3 19 The Negotiation 2051 Pam Not anymore. It's, um... It's completely over now.
11868 3 19 The Negotiation 2051 Jim We'll see. I'm sure you guys will... find you way back to one another someday.
11869 3 19 The Negotiation 2051 Pam Jim... I am really... sorry.
11870 3 19 The Negotiation 2051 Jim Oh, yeah. Don't worry about it.
11871 3 19 The Negotiation 2052 Michael I am going to give you a piece of paper. I want you to write down how much you want, and I want you to slide it back across the desk to me.
11872 3 19 The Negotiation 2052 Darryl Why can't I just... tell you?
11873 3 19 The Negotiation 2052 Michael Because, that is the way these things are done. In... films. No, slide--- slide it, yes.
11874 3 19 The Negotiation 2052 Darryl There you go.
11875 3 19 The Negotiation 2052 Michael Oh. Come on. Be serious.
11876 3 19 The Negotiation 2052 Darryl I am serious, Mike. That's a 10% raise. That's what I want.
11877 3 19 The Negotiation 2052 Michael I... I can't give you that, I--- I don't make this much.
11878 3 19 The Negotiation 2052 Darryl Come on, be for real Mike.
11879 3 19 The Negotiation 2052 Michael I don't. Want me to prove it to you? There is... a pay stub.
11880 3 19 The Negotiation 2052 Darryl Are you serious? You're earning this?
11881 3 19 The Negotiation 2052 Michael Plus perks, yes.
11882 3 19 The Negotiation 2052 Darryl Mike, this is barely more than I make. You been here ten years, dog.
11883 3 19 The Negotiation 2052 Michael Fourteen years.
11884 3 19 The Negotiation 2052 Darryl Ho-ho!
11885 3 19 The Negotiation 2052 Michael No, please, please...
11886 3 19 The Negotiation 2052 Darryl Oh, I'm sorry Mike, some of my folks got to hear about this one. Ah.
11887 3 19 The Negotiation 2052 Michael Ok, let's take 15, again.
11888 3 19 The Negotiation 2053 Michael A boss's salary isn't just about money, it is about perks. It... for example, every year I get a $100 gas card... Can't put a price tag on that.
11889 3 19 The Negotiation 2054 Jim Ok, if you don't want a gift, at least let me buy you a beer, or lunch or something.
11890 3 19 The Negotiation 2054 Dwight When Han Solo returns to the Death Star in the Millennium Falcon, and shoots down the TIE fighters and saves the Rebel cause, do you think he does so for a free beer?
11891 3 19 The Negotiation 2054 Jim Boy I---
11892 3 19 The Negotiation 2054 Dwight No. And why are you so interested in buying me something Jim, what's your angle?
11893 3 19 The Negotiation 2055 Jim It's like when he annoys me and I want to screw with him to get him back, he never sees it coming. But now, I want to be nice to him, and actually give him something, and he's like an eel. I just can't grab onto him. It's infuriating.
11894 3 19 The Negotiation 2055 Karen Maybe you just feel guilty about all the pranks.
11895 3 19 The Negotiation 2055 Jim Well... yes, that's probably what it is. So what do I do?
11896 3 19 The Negotiation 2055 Karen Hmm... I don't know. Maybe you should go back out there and sell paper so we can go on a trip.
11897 3 19 The Negotiation 2056 Kevin Michael, here's the, uh, $15 I owe you.
11898 3 19 The Negotiation 2056 Michael Oh, thank you.
11899 3 19 The Negotiation 2056 Kevin Yeah. I heard you might need it. So...
11900 3 19 The Negotiation 2056 Creed Here's the $40 you gave me.
11901 3 19 The Negotiation 2056 Michael I didn't give you $40.
11902 3 19 The Negotiation 2056 Creed In a way you did.
11903 3 19 The Negotiation 2057 Stanley Yeah, I heard how much Michael makes. I still think he's way overpaid.
11904 3 19 The Negotiation 2058 Darryl Fourteen years. Fourteen. I know. Ok, alright. I gotta go. Later.
11905 3 19 The Negotiation 2058 Michael Okay. Okay, here's the straight... dope. No tricks. No Wikipedia.
11906 3 19 The Negotiation 2058 Darryl What?
11907 3 19 The Negotiation 2058 Michael I talked to corporate, and they told me that I can only give you a 5% raise.
11908 3 19 The Negotiation 2058 Darryl That's 'cause of you, Mike. They're not gonna give the workin' man more than the boss.
11909 3 19 The Negotiation 2058 Michael Well what am I supposed to do?
11910 3 19 The Negotiation 2058 Darryl Get your own raise. You gotta get out there and earn, son.
11911 3 19 The Negotiation 2058 Michael I'm not gonna go out and ask for a raise right now. That is ridiculous.
11912 3 19 The Negotiation 2058 Michael That's true.
11913 3 19 The Negotiation 2058 Darryl Yeah that's true. You gotta call your girl, and get paid. Show her who wears the pants in the relationship.
11914 3 19 The Negotiation 2058 Michael You know what? I should.
11915 3 19 The Negotiation 2058 Darryl Yeah, you should.
11916 3 19 The Negotiation 2058 Michael I have been a loyal employee for a long time.
11917 3 19 The Negotiation 2058 Darryl Fourteen years long.
11918 3 19 The Negotiation 2058 Michael You know what? I deserve a bump.
11919 3 19 The Negotiation 2058 Darryl Make it happen, cap'in.
11920 3 19 The Negotiation 2058 Michael I am makin' it happen, sergeant.
11921 3 19 The Negotiation 2059 Creed I remember it was very late at night, like 11, 11:30. Big fella comes in screamin' about God knows what. I think maybe Halpert had stolen his car. Something like that. So the big fella pulls out a sock filled with nickels. Then Schrute grabs a can of hairspray and a lighter---
11922 3 19 The Negotiation 2059 Angela You're useless.
11923 3 19 The Negotiation 2060 Jan Why don't we talk next month, after the quarter ends?
11924 3 19 The Negotiation 2060 Michael No, Jan. I've never asked for a raise in 14 years. This is long overdue. I wanna do it today.
11925 3 19 The Negotiation 2060 Jan Today. All right, well, uh, if you want to do it today, we should meet in person, and uh, can you get here by five?
11926 3 19 The Negotiation 2060 Michael Yshhyah. Um, yeah. I'll leave right away.
11927 3 19 The Negotiation 2060 Jan Great. Uh, and listen. Because of our, uh, our... you know, situation, we're gonna need to have a third party present.
11928 3 19 The Negotiation 2060 Michael Yes, I'm bringing Darryl.
11929 3 19 The Negotiation 2060 Jan Da--- Darryl from the warehouse?
11930 3 19 The Negotiation 2060 Michael Mm-hm.
11931 3 19 The Negotiation 2060 Jan No, Michael. We, we need an HR rep. So, uh, I think you should just bring Toby.
11932 3 19 The Negotiation 2060 Michael Hey, I'd rather kill myself.
11933 3 19 The Negotiation 2060 Jan Michael, he's your branch's HR rep...
11934 3 19 The Negotiation 2060 Michael No, Toby is terrible. Toby is the worst human being I've ever known.
11935 3 19 The Negotiation 2060 Jan ...and we need someone else, in the room, because of our relationship. You know this. Michael, either Toby comes with you, or we don't do it.
11936 3 19 The Negotiation 2060 Michael Fine.
11937 3 19 The Negotiation 2061 Kelly You are so mean.
11938 3 19 The Negotiation 2061 Ryan I don't know what you're talking about.
11939 3 19 The Negotiation 2061 Kelly Yes you do, Ryan Bailey Howard. You called me stupid.
11940 3 19 The Negotiation 2061 Ryan No, I said your idea was stupid.
11941 3 19 The Negotiation 2061 Michael Toby, come on. Let's go.
11942 3 19 The Negotiation 2061 Toby Where?
11943 3 19 The Negotiation 2061 Michael Where? I'm gonna smack you in the head with a hammer. Come on, let's go.
11944 3 19 The Negotiation 2061 Kelly What is so stupid about wanting to name a baby Usher?
11945 3 19 The Negotiation 2061 Toby Alright.
11946 3 19 The Negotiation 2061 Kelly Usher Jennifer Hudson Kapoor.
11947 3 19 The Negotiation 2061 Ryan Don't you see why that's insane?
11948 3 19 The Negotiation 2061 Kelly Oh, so I'm crazy now?
11949 3 19 The Negotiation 2062 Darryl Comfortable, Mike?
11950 3 19 The Negotiation 2062 Michael Yeah. Fine.
11951 3 19 The Negotiation 2062 Darryl How about you, man. Comfortable?
11952 3 19 The Negotiation 2062 Toby No.
11953 3 19 The Negotiation 2062 Darryl Thank you.
11954 3 19 The Negotiation 2062 Michael Well...
11955 3 19 The Negotiation 2062 Darryl I haven't been to New York in a long time.
11956 3 19 The Negotiation 2062 Michael Mm, the Big Apple.
11957 3 19 The Negotiation 2062 Darryl Maybe I'll stay overnight. Got a cousin lives down there.
11958 3 19 The Negotiation 2062 Toby How would we get home?
11959 3 19 The Negotiation 2062 Darryl Oh you could stay too. He's got a big place.
11960 3 19 The Negotiation 2062 Michael Maybe I'll stay.
11961 3 19 The Negotiation 2062 Darryl Mm, it's not that big.
11962 3 19 The Negotiation 2062 Michael Well...
11963 3 19 The Negotiation 2062 Darryl Busses, though. They get you home quick.
11964 3 19 The Negotiation 2062 Michael Oh, I...
11965 3 19 The Negotiation 2063 Kelly And all of a sudden, Dwight stood up and was like "No!"
11966 3 19 The Negotiation 2063 Angela Then what'd he do?
11967 3 19 The Negotiation 2063 Kelly You should just read the report that Toby did. He took everyone's stories. Dunder Mifflin, customer service, this is Kelly. Oh yeah I could totally help you with that. Ok, let me just get the folder out. Okay, it seems here that you ordered 12,000 reams of paper. Oh, 12 reams...
11968 3 19 The Negotiation 2064 Hunter Hey guys, Jan is ready for you.
11969 3 19 The Negotiation 2064 Darryl Okay, bring it home now. And don't forget the new black man phrase I taught you.
11970 3 19 The Negotiation 2064 Michael Pippity poppity, give me the zoppity.
11971 3 19 The Negotiation 2064 Darryl Yes sir. Remember that. I'll be right outside if you need me
11972 3 19 The Negotiation 2064 Michael All right.
11973 3 19 The Negotiation 2065 Darryl Yeah, I taught Mike some new phrases. I want him to get the raise, I... just can't help myself.
11974 3 19 The Negotiation 2066 Roy Hey man, uh... I'm sorry. Thanks. Can I, like, see you after work for coffee, or... something?
11975 3 19 The Negotiation 2066 Pam I don't know.
11976 3 19 The Negotiation 2066 Roy Please. I just got some stuff I gotta say to you.
11977 3 19 The Negotiation 2066 Kevin Jim--- Roy--- Look out!
11978 3 19 The Negotiation 2066 Jim Thanks, Kev. I'm good though.
11979 3 19 The Negotiation 2067 Jan Thank you, Hunter. Hello. Come in. Ah, Okay.
11980 3 19 The Negotiation 2067 Michael Who's the boy toy?
11981 3 19 The Negotiation 2067 Jan That's my new assistant.
11982 3 19 The Negotiation 2067 Michael Were you going to tell me that you hired James Van Der Beek?
11983 3 19 The Negotiation 2067 Jan I have to call you the second I get a new assistant?
11984 3 19 The Negotiation 2067 Michael Be nice to get a memo, we are lovers.
11985 3 19 The Negotiation 2067 Toby Hi, Jan.
11986 3 19 The Negotiation 2067 Jan Hi, Toby. First--- First off, Michael, this is a salary negotiation. All matters regarding our personal relationship have to be set aside. Are we clear?
11987 3 19 The Negotiation 2067 Michael Pippity poppity.
11988 3 19 The Negotiation 2067 Jan Right now we can offer you a 6% raise.
11989 3 19 The Negotiation 2067 Michael Six percent? After all we've been through?
11990 3 19 The Negotiation 2067 Jan Oh, God.
11991 3 19 The Negotiation 2067 Michael I got you... jade earrings.
11992 3 19 The Negotiation 2067 Jan Michael---
11993 3 19 The Negotiation 2067 Michael No!
11994 3 19 The Negotiation 2067 Jan Michael---
11995 3 19 The Negotiation 2067 Michael No. You gonna play it like this? You give me a good raise, or no more s*x. What are you writing, perv-ball?
11996 3 19 The Negotiation 2067 Toby Just preparing for the deposition.
11997 3 19 The Negotiation 2068 Toby This may be the first time that a male subordinate has attempted to get a modest scheduled raise by threatening to withhold s*x from a female superior. It will be a groundbreaking case when it inevitably goes to trial.
11998 3 19 The Negotiation 2069 Roy I'm so sorry, Pammy. I really wasn't gonna do anything. But then I... kept thinkin' about you two together, and... I just thought you guys were really good friends, or... or maybe he was gay or somethin'... Not that that's wrong.
11999 3 19 The Negotiation 2069 Pam I'm sorry too. I just, I think that we both made some bad choices.
12000 3 19 The Negotiation 2069 Roy So you gonna start datin' Halpert then?
12001 3 19 The Negotiation 2069 Pam Um... no. No, he has a girlfriend.
12002 3 19 The Negotiation 2069 Roy Oh yeah... Wait a minute, you... broke off our wedding for the guy.
12003 3 19 The Negotiation 2069 Pam No, there were a lot of reasons.
12004 3 19 The Negotiation 2069 Roy But you're not even gonna try to go out with him? I don't get you Pam.
12005 3 19 The Negotiation 2069 Pam I know.
12006 3 19 The Negotiation 2070 Dwight What's this?
12007 3 19 The Negotiation 2070 Jim What's what?
12008 3 19 The Negotiation 2070 Dwight Certificate of Bravery, from the Scranton Police Department. "Recognizing outstanding citizenship from a very brave young man. Dwight K. Schrute"
12009 3 19 The Negotiation 2070 Jim Wow. I guess word got around. That's a nice... honor.
12010 3 19 The Negotiation 2070 Dwight Please. They hand these out to little kids. Look. There's a teddy bear in a policeman's cap.
12011 3 19 The Negotiation 2070 Jim Didn't think you'd notice...
12012 3 19 The Negotiation 2071 Michael Why don't you just take that pen and stab me in the heart. This is me, Jan. This is me!
12013 3 19 The Negotiation 2071 Jan Okay, Michael. Please, why don't we just take a break. This is really going nowhere.
12014 3 19 The Negotiation 2071 Michael Okay, no, no, no, no. You do not try tactic number eight on me. I invented tactic number eight. I'm not going anywhere.
12015 3 19 The Negotiation 2071 Jan Ok, Toby, how about if you...
12016 3 19 The Negotiation 2071 Toby Sure.
12017 3 19 The Negotiation 2071 Jan Great.
12018 3 19 The Negotiation 2072 Jan What's wrong with you?
12019 3 19 The Negotiation 2072 Michael Ohh. It was a weird day. I accidentally cross-dressed. And then Darryl made me feel bad for not making any money. And then I had to ride up here with stupid Toby. And then, your assistant, is all young and hot. And I---
12020 3 19 The Negotiation 2072 Jan Okay, Michael. I can offer you a 12% raise, but you have got to ask for 15.
12021 3 19 The Negotiation 2072 Michael Well that's ridiculous I'm not gonna make---
12022 3 19 The Negotiation 2072 Jan No, just... I just need you to ask for it, so I can record that you asked for it. Okay?
12023 3 19 The Negotiation 2072 Michael Ah, so... All right, Levinson. Here's the rub. I would like a 15% raise.
12024 3 19 The Negotiation 2072 Jan No. But we can offer you 12.
12025 3 19 The Negotiation 2072 Michael But you just said 15.
12026 3 19 The Negotiation 2073 Michael Negotiation is an art. Back and forth. Give and take. And today, both Darryl and I took something. Higher salaries. Win win win. But you know, life is about more... than just salaries. It's about perks. Like having s*x with Jan--
12027 3 19 The Negotiation 2073 Jan Michael!
12028 3 19 The Negotiation 2074 Stanley So you and Bob are looking at a historical house?
12029 3 19 The Negotiation 2074 Phyllis Mm-hmm, near the river.
12030 3 19 The Negotiation 2074 Stanley Mm, how many bedrooms?
12031 3 19 The Negotiation 2074 Phyllis Four.
12032 3 19 The Negotiation 2075 Angela Dwight. Dwight. I've been doing some very interesting reading.
12033 3 19 The Negotiation 2075 Dwight Really?
12034 3 19 The Negotiation 2075 Angela Mm-hmm. Tales of bravery.
12035 3 19 The Negotiation 2075 Dwight Mm, good stuff.
12036 3 19 The Negotiation 2075 Angela Mm-hmm. I was thinking tonight, we could... read it together.
12037 3 19 The Negotiation 2075 Dwight Sounds... fun.
12038 3 19 The Negotiation 2076 Jim I... will never say a word. And now, we are even.
12039 3 19 The Negotiation 2077 Andy I graduated from anger management the same way I graduated from Cornell. On time. Now I'm back. Got a second chance, and I'm not gonna blow it. So look out Dunder Mifflin! I mean, look out... in a fun way! You know, not like, I'm gonna hurt you...
12040 3 19 The Negotiation 2078 Andy Hey guys! Guess who's back! AHHH! OH, GOD!
12041 3 19 The Negotiation 2078 Dwight No need to thank me.
12042 3 20 Safety Training 2079 Andy Good morning, Pam.
12043 3 20 Safety Training 2079 Pam Oh, welcome back, Andy.
12044 3 20 Safety Training 2079 Andy Drew. I'm Drew now.
12045 3 20 Safety Training 2079 Pam Oh. Drew. Sorry.
12046 3 20 Safety Training 2079 Andy Apology not... accepted. Because it wasn't even necessary in the first place.
12047 3 20 Safety Training 2080 Andy Several weeks ago, Andy Bernard had an incident. But after five weeks in Anger Management, I'm back. And I've got a new attitude. And a new name. And... a bunch of new techniques for dealing with the grumpies.
12048 3 20 Safety Training 2081 Andy Mornin' Jim.
12049 3 20 Safety Training 2081 Jim Hey, Andy. How are you, man?
12050 3 20 Safety Training 2081 Andy Good. Drew.
12051 3 20 Safety Training 2081 Jim What's that?
12052 3 20 Safety Training 2081 Andy Dr--- You can call me Drew.
12053 3 20 Safety Training 2081 Jim No, I'm not gonna call you that.
12054 3 20 Safety Training 2081 Jim Andy.
12055 3 20 Safety Training 2081 Andy Drew. Dwight. How's it goin' man?
12056 3 20 Safety Training 2082 Dwight Yes, I have decided to shun Andy Bernard for the next three years. Which I'm looking forward to. It's an Amish technique. It's like slapping someone with silence. I was shunned from the age of four until my sixth birthday... for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna.
12057 3 20 Safety Training 2083 Dwight Jim, could you please inform Andy Bernard that he is being shunned.
12058 3 20 Safety Training 2083 Jim Andy, Dwight says welcome back, and he could use a hug.
12059 3 20 Safety Training 2083 Dwight Ok, tell him that's not true.
12060 3 20 Safety Training 2083 Jim Dwight says that he actually doesn't know one single fact about bear attacks.
12061 3 20 Safety Training 2083 Andy You guys...
12062 3 20 Safety Training 2083 Dwight Ok, no. Jim, tell him that bears can climb faster than they can run. Jim! Tell him!
12063 3 20 Safety Training 2083 Jim Andy! Nah, that's too far.
12064 3 20 Safety Training 2083 Dwight Damn you.
12065 3 20 Safety Training 2084 Michael Today is Safety Training Day. Toby is leading ours upstairs. Yeauck. But, I am giving everyone a little bit of a treat. We are going to listen in on Darryl's presentation to the warehouse. And if I know Darryl, it gonna be zoppity.
12066 3 20 Safety Training 2085 Michael Hmm.
12067 3 20 Safety Training 2085 Darryl Should you drive the forklift?
12068 3 20 Safety Training 2085 Michael I can, and I have.
12069 3 20 Safety Training 2085 Lonny You're not allowed to drive the forklift.
12070 3 20 Safety Training 2085 Darryl It's not safe, you don't have a license.
12071 3 20 Safety Training 2085 Michael Guys, I'm not the only one who's driven the forklift. Pudge has driven the forklift.
12072 3 20 Safety Training 2085 Madge Madge.
12073 3 20 Safety Training 2085 Michael I thought your name was Pudge?
12074 3 20 Safety Training 2085 Madge No, it's always been Madge.
12075 3 20 Safety Training 2085 Michael Okay. Um, her.
12076 3 20 Safety Training 2085 Darryl Her. Yes, "her" is qualified to work a dangerous machine. You are not. Okay?
12077 3 20 Safety Training 2085 Michael Ah, fine.
12078 3 20 Safety Training 2085 Darryl Do you understand that?
12079 3 20 Safety Training 2085 Michael Yeeesh.
12080 3 20 Safety Training 2086 Darryl We do safety training every year, or after an accident. ... We've never made it a full year. This particular time, I was reaching for a supply box on the top shelf, when one office worker, who shall remain nameless, kicked the ladder out from under me and yelled...
12081 3 20 Safety Training 2087 Michael "Hey Darryl, how's it hangin'?!"
12082 3 20 Safety Training 2088 Darryl And I fell and busted my ankle. I'm legitimately scared for my workers.
12083 3 20 Safety Training 2089 Darryl The baler can flatten a car engine. It can cut off your arm and crush your entire body without skipping a beat.
12084 3 20 Safety Training 2089 Dwight Yeah!
12085 3 20 Safety Training 2089 Andy It's on!
12086 3 20 Safety Training 2089 Darryl How many people a year do you think get their arms cut off in a baler?
12087 3 20 Safety Training 2089 Michael Bail'er? I hardly know her.
12088 3 20 Safety Training 2089 Lonny Dammit, Michael. Pay attention, man.
12089 3 20 Safety Training 2089 Darryl Anybody wanna take a guess? Anybody?
12090 3 20 Safety Training 2089 Kevin Five bucks says it's over 50.
12091 3 20 Safety Training 2089 Jim You really wanna bet?
12092 3 20 Safety Training 2089 Darryl Anybody?
12093 3 20 Safety Training 2089 Kevin Ever since March Madness ended, I am so bored.
12094 3 20 Safety Training 2089 Guy How many?
12095 3 20 Safety Training 2089 Jim Ok, you're on.
12096 3 20 Safety Training 2089 Darryl Ten people, Michael. Ten people. Would you like to be one of them?
12097 3 20 Safety Training 2089 Kevin Damn...
12098 3 20 Safety Training 2089 Darryl You have to be alert, and calm. And always careful...
12099 3 20 Safety Training 2089 Jim No, don't worry about it. We'll just got double or nothin'.
12100 3 20 Safety Training 2089 Kevin On what?
12101 3 20 Safety Training 2089 Jim I don't know, we'll figure somethin' out.
12102 3 20 Safety Training 2089 Kevin Nice.
12103 3 20 Safety Training 2089 Oscar What are you guys talkin' about?
12104 3 20 Safety Training 2089 Michael Yes, yes. But it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world... if somebody...
12105 3 20 Safety Training 2089 Darry It would be the worst thing in the world! It would! Very much so.
12106 3 20 Safety Training 2089 Michael It's a big red trash compactor!
12107 3 20 Safety Training 2089 Lonny What are you---
12108 3 20 Safety Training 2089 Darryl It's not a trash compactor! It's a baler!
12109 3 20 Safety Training 2089 Lonny Don't disrespect the baler!
12110 3 20 Safety Training 2089 Michael Okay, okay! I got it. I got it. ... Only on the rarest of occasions...
12111 3 20 Safety Training 2089 Darryl No do not touch it!
12112 3 20 Safety Training 2089 Michael ...would I go near---
12113 3 20 Safety Training 2089 Darryl There is no occasion for you to go near this stuff, okay?
12114 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Michael Toby now has the floor... and he is going to try not to screw this up, like everything else in his life. Let me rephrase that. I believe that you can do safety training and make it sound just as good as Darryl. Here we go!
12115 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Toby Ok, um, one thing that you're gonna want to look out for is carpal tunnel syndrome. It's recommended that you take a ten minute break from typing every hour. For your circulation, you're gonna want to get up out of your chairs and uh, and move around about ten minutes every hour.
12116 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Michael Yes, good. Fine. Like stretching and...
12117 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Toby Um, yeah. You're computer screen can be a big strain on your eyes, so uh, it's also recommended that you step away for about... about ten minutes every hour.
12118 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Michael Wow, that is... that time really adds up. That's like... a half an hour, every hour?
12119 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Darryl Take them at the same time.
12120 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Michael Ok, you know what? You're making it sound kind of lame. So, skip ahead to the really dangerous stuff. Like sometimes computers can explode, can they not?
12121 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Toby No, no. Um, you always want to keep a sweater or cardigan of some sort, in case it gets drafty.
12122 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Ryan What about a long sleeve T?
12123 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Toby Well, that'll work.
12124 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Kevin Long johns? A shaw?
12125 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Toby You know, anything that warms you.
12126 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Michael Ok, you know what? I think that everybody is going to vomit due to boredom. Sorry, he is very lame. Um, let's see. "Seasonal affective disorder! A depression that includes weight gain, fatigue, irritability, brought on by the low light of winter."
12127 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Darryl Thank God we only had a baler to deal with.
12128 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Lonny Yeah, that dim light is a bitch, ain't it?
12129 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Michael Ok guys, you know what? I didn't--- I didn't interrupt when you were having your presentation.
12130 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Darryl Actually, you did.
12131 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Michael Yes. Okay, let's do another one. This is a good one. "A particular concern for office workers is a sedimentary life style, which can contribute---"
12132 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Toby Sedentary.
12133 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Michael Yes. "Which can contribute to heart disease." Heart disease kills more people that balers.
12134 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Lonny That's called having a fat butt, Michael.
12135 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Michael Mmmm, no, no, it's... sedentary...
12136 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Lonny Yeah, yeah. That's, that's fat butt disease. That's what you suffer from?
12137 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Michael No.
12138 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Lonny Fat butt disease, Michael?
12139 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Kelly Excuse me, sea monster, you weigh like a thousand pounds.
12140 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Lonny Yeah? I bet you'd like to swim with this sea monster, wouldn't you?
12141 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Kelly Ryan?
12142 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Lonny Dude, tell your girl to shut up.
12143 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Kelly What?!
12144 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Ryan Kelly, you insulted the gentleman. Please apologize.
12145 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Kelly Are you kidding me?
12146 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Darryl Alright, we outta here.
12147 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Michael Darryl, I did not walk out in the middle of yours. So, I---
12148 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Lonny Yeah, but ours was real, Michael.
12149 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Darryl That's what I've been trying to tell you, Mike. It's serious down there. We do dangerous stuff, man. This is shenanigans, foolishness, Nerf-ball. You live a sweet, little, Nerf-y life. Sittin' on your biscuit. Never havin' to risk it.
12150 3 20 Safety Training 2090 Michael Okay. ... What, Nerf isn't cool anymore?
12151 3 20 Safety Training 2091 Michael Darryl thinks he is such a man because he works in a warehouse. I worked in a warehouse. Men's Warehouse. I was a greeter. I'd like to see Darryl greet people. Probably make 'em feel like wimps. Not me, I... "Hello, I'm Michael. Welcome to Men's Warehouse. We have a special on khaki pants today." ... This is one example.
12152 3 20 Safety Training 2092 Kevin Ten.
12153 3 20 Safety Training 2092 Oscar Really, ten? That's your guess? You're a professional accountant.
12154 3 20 Safety Training 2092 Jim There's like ten green ones.
12155 3 20 Safety Training 2092 Oscar Forty-two.
12156 3 20 Safety Training 2092 Jim I'm gonna say fifty.
12157 3 20 Safety Training 2092 Karen Fifty-one.
12158 3 20 Safety Training 2092 Jim Oh, don't be that person.
12159 3 20 Safety Training 2092 Kevin That is lame.
12160 3 20 Safety Training 2092 Karen It's a strategy!
12161 3 20 Safety Training 2092 Pam It's called being smart.
12162 3 20 Safety Training 2092 Karen Thank you.
12163 3 20 Safety Training 2092 Kevin Oh, geeze.
12164 3 20 Safety Training 2093 Pam I don't know how the whole betting thing started, but it's fun.
12165 3 20 Safety Training 2094 Pam Ten...
12166 3 20 Safety Training 2094 Jim Kev's out.
12167 3 20 Safety Training 2094 Kevin Damn it.
12168 3 20 Safety Training 2094 Pam 47, 48, 49! Jim wins!
12169 3 20 Safety Training 2094 Everyone Oooh!
12170 3 20 Safety Training 2094 Jim Okay, okay.
12171 3 20 Safety Training 2094 Jim Okay.
12172 3 20 Safety Training 2095 Michael Pam, depression is as scary as a baler, right?
12173 3 20 Safety Training 2095 Pam I don't understand the question.
12174 3 20 Safety Training 2095 Michael Working in an office can lead to depression. Which can lead to suicide. I mean this is really serious stuff.
12175 3 20 Safety Training 2095 Pam Yeah...
12176 3 20 Safety Training 2095 Michael I--- I--- Nobody commits suicide because they work with a baler, and yet those guys are makin' fun of me, calling me a Nerf, that...
12177 3 20 Safety Training 2095 Pam It's really hard to demonstrate depression. Their safety training had visuals.
12178 3 20 Safety Training 2095 Michael Yeah... you are... ah, so right. They had visual aids. And all we had were the facts. You don't go to the science museum and get handed a pamphlet on electricity. You go to the science museum and you put your hand on a metal ball, your hair sticks up straight... and you know science.
12179 3 20 Safety Training 2095 Pam So, you're okay?
12180 3 20 Safety Training 2095 Michael Indubitably.
12181 3 20 Safety Training 2096 Michael They use props. They use visual aids, and they just made us look like dopes.
12182 3 20 Safety Training 2096 Dwight Idiots! God, what are we gonna do!?
12183 3 20 Safety Training 2096 Michael I don't know, I don't know. Because you know what our killer is? Depression---
12184 3 20 Safety Training 2096 Dwight Wolves.
12185 3 20 Safety Training 2096 Michael Nn--- Depression.
12186 3 20 Safety Training 2097 Dwight Visual aids.
12187 3 20 Safety Training 2097 Michael Yes.
12188 3 20 Safety Training 2097 Dwight A quilt. Depression quilt?
12189 3 20 Safety Training 2097 Michael No time to sew a quilt. ... I got it. Give me the number for the Giant Big Box Toy Store.
12190 3 20 Safety Training 2098 Michael You may be asking yourself, "What am I doing on a trampoline?" Well, I thought I'd bounce here for a while, relieve some stress, and then move on with my day. Not! Here's the plan. Dwight, is going to gather all of the office workers and all of the warehouse guys, we're going to have another safety seminar. Only this time, where's Michael? Oh my God! He is on the roof! Now I have got their attention. I... tell them, about the cold hard facts of depression. And then I say, "Hey! You ever seen a suicide?" And I jump. And they freak out. And they get to see... the dangers of depression with their own eyes. Nice side note: They might think "Hey, I should have been nicer to Michael." But that's... not why I'm doing this... Then, I land on the trampoline, take a couple extra bounces for fun. I climb off, walk around the corner... Ta-freakin'-da!
12191 3 20 Safety Training 2099 Ryan I guess I forgot.
12192 3 20 Safety Training 2099 Kelly You're such a ditz.
12193 3 20 Safety Training 2099 Kevin Ryan, well done. Two minutes, forty-two seconds. Additionally, Pam, you win ten because she said "awesome" 12 times, and Jim, you win five because she mentioned six romantic comedies.
12194 3 20 Safety Training 2100 Dwight Okay, let's do this thing! I'll go summon the troops!
12195 3 20 Safety Training 2100 Michael Maybe we should test it first. Letterman-style. Throw a TV over, or...
12196 3 20 Safety Training 2100 Dwight We measured it once...
12197 3 20 Safety Training 2100 Michael Go buy some watermelons.
12198 3 20 Safety Training 2100 Dwight Seedless?
12199 3 20 Safety Training 2100 Michael Just...
12200 3 20 Safety Training 2101 Toby Creed is eating an apple. I found a potato.
12201 3 20 Safety Training 2101 Pam Hey Creed.
12202 3 20 Safety Training 2101 Creed Hey!
12203 3 20 Safety Training 2101 Pam Hey.
12204 3 20 Safety Training 2101 Creed Hello.
12205 3 20 Safety Training 2101 Pam Yes!
12206 3 20 Safety Training 2101 Kevin Here you go.
12207 3 20 Safety Training 2101 Toby Nice.
12208 3 20 Safety Training 2102 Karen I don't know this place as well as I thought I did. I'm getting cleaned out.
12209 3 20 Safety Training 2103 Dwight Ready?
12210 3 20 Safety Training 2103 Michael Let's do it! Drop that sucker.
12211 3 20 Safety Training 2103 Michael BINGO! WHOA WHOA WHOA! Oh... crap. Deactivate the car alarm. Clean up the mess.
12212 3 20 Safety Training 2103 Dwight Okay.
12213 3 20 Safety Training 2103 Michael Find out whose car that is. If it's Stanley's, call the offices of James P. Albini, see if he handles hate crimes.
12214 3 20 Safety Training 2103 Dwight Got it.
12215 3 20 Safety Training 2103 Michael Also, take apart the trampoline, stick it in the baler.
12216 3 20 Safety Training 2103 Dwight We're not allowed to use the baler.
12217 3 20 Safety Training 2103 Michael Have Pa--adge do it, or... the sea monster.
12218 3 20 Safety Training 2103 Dwight I'm on it!
12219 3 20 Safety Training 2104 Dwight I'm temporarily lifting the shun.
12220 3 20 Safety Training 2104 Andy Thank you.
12221 3 20 Safety Training 2104 Dwight It means nothing. I need you to do something for me.
12222 3 20 Safety Training 2104 Andy Anything.
12223 3 20 Safety Training 2104 Dwight Okay, calm down. I need you to acquire an inflatable house, and/or castle.
12224 3 20 Safety Training 2104 Andy You mean a moon bounce.
12225 3 20 Safety Training 2104 Dwight What do you think? You've got an hour.
12226 3 20 Safety Training 2104 Andy I'm gonna need... I'm gonna need petty cash.
12227 3 20 Safety Training 2104 Dwight Shunning resumed.
12228 3 20 Safety Training 2104 Andy Do you, do you want a drawbridge?
12229 3 20 Safety Training 2104 Dwight Un-shun. Yeah that sounds good. Re-shun.
12230 3 20 Safety Training 2105 Dwight Oh yeah, this is much better. Safer. Excellent decision.
12231 3 20 Safety Training 2105 Michael Yes, thank you for seeing that.
12232 3 20 Safety Training 2105 Dwight When you land, try and land like an eight year-old. These bouncy castles are not designed for adults.
12233 3 20 Safety Training 2105 Michael I don't know if I wanna do this.
12234 3 20 Safety Training 2105 Dwight Do you wanna do another test? I got plenty of watermelons in my trunk!
12235 3 20 Safety Training 2105 Michael No. No more. The tests are going terrible. If we keep doing it, we're not gonna want to jump. This is about doing, not thinking.
12236 3 20 Safety Training 2105 Dwight That's right! Doing! Totally doing! It's rock n' roll!
12237 3 20 Safety Training 2105 Michael Rock n' roll!
12238 3 20 Safety Training 2105 Dwight Yeah!
12239 3 20 Safety Training 2105 Michael That's right! I am not thinking.
12240 3 20 Safety Training 2105 Dwight Near near near near near!
12241 3 20 Safety Training 2105 Michael Yes! Yeah!
12242 3 20 Safety Training 2105 Dwight Michael is awesome! Jumpin' off the roof!
12243 3 20 Safety Training 2105 Michael Woo!
12244 3 20 Safety Training 2105 Dwight Bouncin' on the bouncy bounce! Show 'em who's boss!
12245 3 20 Safety Training 2105 Michael Woo!
12246 3 20 Safety Training 2105 Dwight Rip a hole in the suuuuuuun!
12247 3 20 Safety Training 2105 Michael I am ready to do this! I am ready to make a point!
12248 3 20 Safety Training 2106 Dwight Guys! Listen up! Michael is up on the roof, and acting strange!
12249 3 20 Safety Training 2106 Andy Whoa! What's the situation?
12250 3 20 Safety Training 2106 Dwight Un-shun. I think he's suffering from depression. Re-shun.
12251 3 20 Safety Training 2106 Andy Ok, when's the shunning thing gonna end?
12252 3 20 Safety Training 2106 Dwight Un-shun. Never. Re-shun. I think he wants you all to come out to the parking lot and watch him die!
12253 3 20 Safety Training 2106 Stanley Is it nice outside?
12254 3 20 Safety Training 2106 Dwight It's gorgeous. Let's go!
12255 3 20 Safety Training 2106 Stanley Do I need my jacket?
12256 3 20 Safety Training 2106 Dwight No really, it's, it's very nice. Come on!
12257 3 20 Safety Training 2106 Ryan Will I be too warm in a long sleeve T?
12258 3 20 Safety Training 2106 Dwight Everybody's gonna be fine in exactly what they're wearing, let's go! Let's go!
12259 3 20 Safety Training 2107 Dwight Come on, hurry up you guys!
12260 3 20 Safety Training 2107 Michael My life! Oh, my life...
12261 3 20 Safety Training 2107 Dwight Michael, what's wrong?!
12262 3 20 Safety Training 2107 Michael Everything's wrong. The stress of my modern office, has caused me to go into a depression.
12263 3 20 Safety Training 2107 Dwight Depression? Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling bummed out?
12264 3 20 Safety Training 2107 Michael Dwight, you ignorant slut. Depression is a very serious illness. Over 32 thousand people commit suicide every year! According to a 2004 study!
12265 3 20 Safety Training 2107 Dwight Is that the last year the data was available?
12266 3 20 Safety Training 2107 Michael Yes! My head is in such pain! And turmoil!
12267 3 20 Safety Training 2107 Dwight Don't do anything rash!
12268 3 20 Safety Training 2107 Michael Wait, where are the warehouse guys?
12269 3 20 Safety Training 2107 Dwight I didn't... I didn't think you needed them for this part.
12270 3 20 Safety Training 2107 Michael Okay... that's...
12271 3 20 Safety Training 2107 Dwight you said to just...
12272 3 20 Safety Training 2107 Michael That's the whole point, dummy.
12273 3 20 Safety Training 2107 Dwight Okay, I'm on it!
12274 3 20 Safety Training 2107 Michael Okay.
12275 3 20 Safety Training 2108 Dwight Attention blue collar workers!
12276 3 20 Safety Training 2109 Pam What are the odds that this is in any way real?
12277 3 20 Safety Training 2109 Jim I'd say like... 10,000 to 1?
12278 3 20 Safety Training 2109 Kevin Okay, I'd like ten bucks on those odds.
12279 3 20 Safety Training 2110 Dwight Michael's up on the roof and he's acting strange!
12280 3 20 Safety Training 2110 Michael Oooooh, my life!
12281 3 20 Safety Training 2110 Dwight Michael! What's wrong?
12282 3 20 Safety Training 2110 Michael Everything is wrong, Dwight. The stress of my modern office, has made me depressed.
12283 3 20 Safety Training 2110 Dwight Depressed? Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling bummed out?
12284 3 20 Safety Training 2110 Michael Dwight, you ignorant slut.
12285 3 20 Safety Training 2111 Jim Well, you know, the first performance was a little off. But I really think they hit their stride, in the second show. Um, might even bring my parents tomorrow, to the matinee.
12286 3 20 Safety Training 2111 Michael And that is why, I am going to jump off this roof!
12287 3 20 Safety Training 2111 Jim Oh, excuse me. It's my... favorite part.
12288 3 20 Safety Training 2112 Angela This is just offensive.
12289 3 20 Safety Training 2112 Ryan At least we're outside.
12290 3 20 Safety Training 2113 Creed Hey, check it out, there's a... there's a castle over there.
12291 3 20 Safety Training 2113 Dwight No, there's nothing to see over there, people! There's nothing to see. ...They found the castle, Michael.
12292 3 20 Safety Training 2113 Michael Damn it.
12293 3 20 Safety Training 2114 Pam Oh... God. Oh my God, he's gonna jump.
12294 3 20 Safety Training 2114 Jim Oh. He's going to kill himself, pretending to kill himself.
12295 3 20 Safety Training 2114 Pam Yeah...
12296 3 20 Safety Training 2115 Jim Hey uh, Michael. Don't jump on the bouncy castle. You can't do that, because you're going to get horribly, horribly injured.
12297 3 20 Safety Training 2115 Pam Hey Michael! I have a present for you, but you have to come down and get it.
12298 3 20 Safety Training 2115 Michael What is it?
12299 3 20 Safety Training 2115 Pam Come down and... open it and you'll see.
12300 3 20 Safety Training 2115 Michael Dwight, find out what the present is.
12301 3 20 Safety Training 2115 Dwight Okay, uh... I don't see anything. She might be bluffing.
12302 3 20 Safety Training 2115 Jim Dwight...
12303 3 20 Safety Training 2115 Pam Dwight, what are you---
12304 3 20 Safety Training 2115 Dwight Oh... It's uh, a Repliee Q1 Expo female robot, they're only available in Japan.
12305 3 20 Safety Training 2115 Michael Dwight, you are such a liar. Pam, really, what is it?
12306 3 20 Safety Training 2115 Darryl Mike, this is the opposite of safety. You jump, you're gonna serious hurt yourself.
12307 3 20 Safety Training 2115 Michael You told me, that I lead a... cushy, wimpy, Nerf life.
12308 3 20 Safety Training 2115 Darryl Yeah, but I never said you had nothing to live for.
12309 3 20 Safety Training 2115 Michael What do I have to live for?
12310 3 20 Safety Training 2115 Darryl A lot... of things. Uh, you, uh... What about Jan? Lovely, lovely, lovely Jan, man. It's goin' good, right?
12311 3 20 Safety Training 2115 Michael It's complicated with Jan. And I don't know where I stand, or what I want. The s*x isn't nearly as good as it used to be.
12312 3 20 Safety Training 2115 Michael Do you really mean that?
12313 3 20 Safety Training 2115 Darryl I couldn't do it. I--- I ain't that strong. And I ain't that brave.
12314 3 20 Safety Training 2115 Michael I'm braver than you?
12315 3 20 Safety Training 2115 Michael I Braveheart. I am.
12316 3 20 Safety Training 2115 Darryl Come down, okay?
12317 3 20 Safety Training 2115 Michael Okay. Pam, I'm coming down to get my present.
12318 3 20 Safety Training 2116 Michael An office... is as safe as the people in it. And sometimes those people can drive you to do crazy things to show the dangers of the office. That's the danger I found myself in today. I saved a life. My own. Am I a hero? I really can't say. But, yes.
12319 3 21 Product Recall 2117 Jim It's kind of blurry. That's better. Question. What kind of bear is best?
12320 3 21 Product Recall 2117 Dwight That's a ridiculous question.
12321 3 21 Product Recall 2117 Jim False. Black bear.
12322 3 21 Product Recall 2117 Dwight Well that's debatable. There are basically two schools of thought---
12323 3 21 Product Recall 2117 Jim Fact. Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.
12324 3 21 Product Recall 2117 Dwight Bears do not--- What is going on--- What are you doing?!
12325 3 21 Product Recall 2118 Jim Last week, I was in a drug store and I saw these glasses. Uh, four dollars. And it only cost me seven dollars to recreate the rest of the ensemble. And that's a grand total of... eleven dollars.
12326 3 21 Product Recall 2119 Dwight You know what? Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, so I thank you. Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!
12327 3 21 Product Recall 2119 Jim ... MICHAEL!
12328 3 21 Product Recall 2119 Dwight Oh, that's funny. MICHAEL!
12329 3 21 Product Recall 2120 Pam Yes, I understand. Can I transfer you to customer relations?
12330 3 21 Product Recall 2120 Jim Absolutely. I couldn't be more sorry about this.
12331 3 21 Product Recall 2120 Phyllis I know, I know. We're all trying to get to the bottom of this.
12332 3 21 Product Recall 2120 Stanley I am upset. Don't I sound upset?
12333 3 21 Product Recall 2120 Michael It is disgusting. I totally agree. Well, we're going to recalling all of that paper.
12334 3 21 Product Recall 2121 Michael We have a crisis. Apparently, a disgruntled employee at the paper mill decided that it would be funny to put an obscene watermark on our 24 pound cream butter stock. Five hundred boxes has gone out, with the image of a beloved cartoon duck, performing... unspeakable acts upon a certain cartoon mouse that a lot of people like. I've never been a fan.
12335 3 21 Product Recall 2122 Michael Everybody in here. STAT. No time to lose. Cri-Man-Squa. F and C, doubletime.
12336 3 21 Product Recall 2122 Dwight Cri-Man-Squa?
12337 3 21 Product Recall 2122 Michael Crisis Management Squad.
12338 3 21 Product Recall 2122 Ryan F and C, doubletime?
12339 3 21 Product Recall 2122 Michael Front and Center. Twice as fast as you would normally go. Any other questions?
12340 3 21 Product Recall 2122 Jim One more. Why are you talking like that?
12341 3 21 Product Recall 2122 Michael To save time, Jim.
12342 3 21 Product Recall 2122 Karen Actually I think you could make the argument that it wastes time.
12343 3 21 Product Recall 2122 Pam Yeah, she has a good point. I mean, for example, with the last thing you said, by the time you explained it, it actually took up more time.
12344 3 21 Product Recall 2122 Michael You know what? Bluh bluh bluh bluh bluh! Forget it. Where is Creed?
12345 3 21 Product Recall 2122 Creed Here.
12346 3 21 Product Recall 2122 Michael Creed. Quality assurance. Your job. I really think you screwed the pooch on one, Creed. Because of you, the entire company is in jeopardy.
12347 3 21 Product Recall 2123 Creed Every week I'm supposed to take four hours and do a quality spot-check at the paper mill. And of course the one year I blow it off, this happens.
12348 3 21 Product Recall 2124 Michael We have a lot of angry customers out there. This puts us at threat level midnight. Accounting, you are on customer service duty today.
12349 3 21 Product Recall 2124 Oscar That's really not our job.
12350 3 21 Product Recall 2124 Angela Kelly's training us?
12351 3 21 Product Recall 2125 Angela I don't have a headache. I'm just preparing.
12352 3 21 Product Recall 2126 Michael Jim, big fire in your house. Your client, Dunmore High-school, sent out their prom invitations on this paper. Went home to all the kids.
12353 3 21 Product Recall 2126 Jim Yeah, I gotta call out on that.
12354 3 21 Product Recall 2126 Michael No, no, no, no. Not good enough. This is a keystone account. I want you in the school. In person.
12355 3 21 Product Recall 2126 Jim All right.
12356 3 21 Product Recall 2126 Michael I want you to bring a partner.
12357 3 21 Product Recall 2126 Ryan I'll go.
12358 3 21 Product Recall 2126 Michael No, sweet cheeks. We need someone who's actually made a sale. Andy, you go.
12359 3 21 Product Recall 2126 Andy William Dolittle at your service. A.K.A., Will Do.
12360 3 21 Product Recall 2126 Jim Yeah, I'm definitely gonna go alone.
12361 3 21 Product Recall 2126 Michael No, no. I need two men on this. That's what she said. No time! But she did. NO TIME! Guys, get on this. Dwight, I want you to be in charge of the press conference.
12362 3 21 Product Recall 2126 Dwight Yes! You are entering the "No Spin Zone!"
12363 3 21 Product Recall 2126 Pam We're having a press conference?
12364 3 21 Product Recall 2126 Michael No, Pam. The press is just gonna find out by themselves.
12365 3 21 Product Recall 2126 Dwight Not!
12366 3 21 Product Recall 2127 Michael Here's the thing. When a company screws up, best thing to do is call a press conference. Alert the media, and then you control the story. Wait for them to find out, and the story controls you. That's what happened to O.J.
12367 3 21 Product Recall 2128 Michael I have invited Barbara Allen, one of our oldest clients, to come in here, and meet with me, for a personal apology. The press wants a story, I will give them a story.
12368 3 21 Product Recall 2128 Jim Oh, did the press ask for a story?
12369 3 21 Product Recall 2129 Creed Yes, hello. Creed Bratton, Quality Assurance, Dunder Mifflin Scranton. I was supposed to meet with one of your floor managers last week for a quality inspection, and he or she wasn't there. And I'm trying to remember who it was. Mm-hmm. Who wasn't there last week? Debbie Brown. And which day was that? Wednesday, the eleventh. Perfect.
12370 3 21 Product Recall 2130 Creed The only difference between me and a homeless man is this job. I will do whatever it takes to survive. Like I did... when I was a homeless man.
12371 3 21 Product Recall 2131 Kelly Look, I know the reason that you guys became accountants is because you're not good at interacting with people. But guess what? From now on, you guys are no longer losers! So give yourselves a round of applause.
12372 3 21 Product Recall 2131 Oscar I wonder how many phone calls you're missing while you're teaching us to answer calls.
12373 3 21 Product Recall 2131 Kelly I know, right? Probably a lot.
12374 3 21 Product Recall 2131 Angela Can you just tell us what we need to do so we can go?
12375 3 21 Product Recall 2131 Kelly OK, Angela. I love your enthusiasm. All you need to know how to do is pick up the phone and say "Customer Service, this is Kelly!" Except don't say "Kelly," say your own name. Or if you're bored, you can just make up a name. Like one time, I said I was Bridget Jones, and I talked like this for the whole conversation!
12376 3 21 Product Recall 2131 Kevin Oh! Can I be Australian, mate?
12377 3 21 Product Recall 2131 Kelly Absolutely!
12378 3 21 Product Recall 2131 Kevin 'ello, mate!
12379 3 21 Product Recall 2131 Kelly I like ice cream! I need a boyfriend.
12380 3 21 Product Recall 2131 Kevin I like ice cream too, mate. Alligators and dingo babies.
12381 3 21 Product Recall 2132 Andy Beer me!
12382 3 21 Product Recall 2132 Jim What's that?
12383 3 21 Product Recall 2132 Andy Hand me that water. I always say "Beer me." Gets a laugh like a quarter of the time. So how's what's-her-name?
12384 3 21 Product Recall 2132 Jim You know her name.
12385 3 21 Product Recall 2132 Andy Who, Karen? Yeah, she's only one of my oldest friends. Mmm. How's the apartment hangin'?
12386 3 21 Product Recall 2132 Jim It's fine.
12387 3 21 Product Recall 2132 Andy Nice. Check out this sunshine, man. Global warming, right? Today was supposed to be really cold, I bet.
12388 3 21 Product Recall 2132 Jim What about music? Do you have any music?
12389 3 21 Product Recall 2132 Andy Uh, yeah. Should have said so. Rha-dah-dah-dah! Give me the beat, boys, and free my soul. I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away-he-hay. Ruu-da-doo-da-doo, ba-dit-da-doo-da-dun, Give me the beat, boys, and free my little-ole-soul, I wa--
12390 3 21 Product Recall 2132 Jim I was thinkin' about more like a CD, or... a CD.
12391 3 21 Product Recall 2132 Andy Your call, dude. My girlfriend made an awesome mix. Beer me that disc.
12392 3 21 Product Recall 2133 Jim Lord, beer me strength.
12393 3 21 Product Recall 2134 Andy So, Tuna. When we get in there, let's do a really good job, okay?
12394 3 21 Product Recall 2134 Andy Well not everything a guy says needs to be said. Sometimes it's just about the music of the conversation.
12395 3 21 Product Recall 2135 Andy Whoa! What the--- Why is my girlfriend here?
12396 3 21 Product Recall 2135 Jim Oh, is she that teacher in the white?
12397 3 21 Product Recall 2135 Andy No, she's a part-time frozen yogurt chef.
12398 3 21 Product Recall 2135 Jim Which one... is she?
12399 3 21 Product Recall 2135 Andy The one in the green hoodie.
12400 3 21 Product Recall 2135 Jim Wow.
12401 3 21 Product Recall 2135 Andy I wonder if she's, like, a... a guidance counselor, or something?
12402 3 21 Product Recall 2135 Jim No, I don't think so.
12403 3 21 Product Recall 2135 Andy She's like, probably a tutor.
12404 3 21 Product Recall 2135 Jim Nope.
12405 3 21 Product Recall 2135 Andy She probably a t--
12406 3 21 Product Recall 2135 Jim No.
12407 3 21 Product Recall 2135 Andy Sh---
12408 3 21 Product Recall 2135 Jim No.
12409 3 21 Product Recall 2136 Michael OK, press conference in 45. Dwight, make sure this place looks nice.
12410 3 21 Product Recall 2136 Dwight On it. OK, Karen, Ryan, Pam, center stage. Pam, run a comb through your hair.
12411 3 21 Product Recall 2137 Dwight First rule in road-side beet sales: Put the most attractive beets on top. The ones that make you pull the car over and go, "Wow, I need this beet right now." Those are the money beets.
12412 3 21 Product Recall 2138 Dwight Hey! Look sharp! Hey! Uh, Hi. Hello, Dwight Schrute.
12413 3 21 Product Recall 2138 Chad Lite Hi, uh---
12414 3 21 Product Recall 2138 Dwight And you must be uh, from the Washington Post.
12415 3 21 Product Recall 2138 Chad Lite Scranton Times. Chad Lite, "Lighter Side of Life."
12416 3 21 Product Recall 2138 Dwight And "Breaking Corporate News."
12417 3 21 Product Recall 2138 Chad Lite And obits.
12418 3 21 Product Recall 2138 Dwight Oh, dear God. OK, here are your credentials. You've been granted level three security clearance.
12419 3 21 Product Recall 2138 Chad Lite Oh...
12420 3 21 Product Recall 2138 Dwight Don't get too excited, that's out of 20. Right this way. Regional Manager Michael Scott will be addressing the client in the press room shortly. Have a seat, can I get you a beverage?
12421 3 21 Product Recall 2138 Chad Lite Uh, yeah, I'd like uh, uh---
12422 3 21 Product Recall 2138 Dwight Great.
12423 3 21 Product Recall 2139 Andy Jamie!
12424 3 21 Product Recall 2139 Jim Andy--- Ohh...
12425 3 21 Product Recall 2139 Andy What are you doing here?
12426 3 21 Product Recall 2139 Jamie Andy?
12427 3 21 Product Recall 2139 Andy Are you a student here?
12428 3 21 Product Recall 2139 Jamie Oh... yeah...
12429 3 21 Product Recall 2139 Andy You never told me you were in high-school!
12430 3 21 Product Recall 2139 Jamie This is weird. I... gotta go to Spanish.
12431 3 21 Product Recall 2139 Andy OH MY GOD!
12432 3 21 Product Recall 2139 Jim Oh my God.
12433 3 21 Product Recall 2139 Andy I had no idea.
12434 3 21 Product Recall 2139 Jim Well... that's not gonna hold up in court.
12435 3 21 Product Recall 2139 Andy Huh... We didn't do anything illegal. Except knock over a mailbox with her friends.
12436 3 21 Product Recall 2140 Oscar Really, Dixon City? ...Carbondale.
12437 3 21 Product Recall 2140 Angela Excuse me? Well, I don't see how that's our fault. And I've already told you, the official position of Dunder Mifflin is apologetic, so I don't know what you want from me.
12438 3 21 Product Recall 2141 Creed When I went over Wednesday, for the spot-check, I got a call from Debbie Brown, saying she has an emergency dentist appointment.
12439 3 21 Product Recall 2141 Dwight Emergency dentist appointment.
12440 3 21 Product Recall 2141 Creed Now I'm told she told her manager she had the flu. I'm a trusting guy, but uh, I just wish Debbie Brown had been there. We would have caught this.
12441 3 21 Product Recall 2142 Pam Yes, I'll be sure someone returns your call. I'm so sorry. Bye.
12442 3 21 Product Recall 2142 Barbara Hello, I'm looking for Michael Scott.
12443 3 21 Product Recall 2143 Michael Mrs. Allen is our most important client... because every client is our most important client. Even though she's a pretty unimportant client, really.
12444 3 21 Product Recall 2144 Michael And so, with the eyes of the nation upon us, I would like to say that Dunder Mifflin truly regrets this unfortunate incident. And, as a gesture of gratitude, for your continued loyalty, Mrs. Allen, I would like to present you with this novelty check, for six months of free paper or 25 reams, whichever comes first.
12445 3 21 Product Recall 2144 Dwight You look good in this.
12446 3 21 Product Recall 2144 Michael So, let us consider this matter ended.
12447 3 21 Product Recall 2144 Barbara Well it isn't ended. I'm... I'm very angry. I--- I could have lost business.
12448 3 21 Product Recall 2144 Michael I know, I know you're angry. And we are truly, truly sorry.
12449 3 21 Product Recall 2144 Barbara I don't accept your apology. The watermark was obscene and horrifying.
12450 3 21 Product Recall 2144 Michael Well, we are extremely sorry.
12451 3 21 Product Recall 2144 Barbara I don't accept.
12452 3 21 Product Recall 2145 School Official I'll be with you in a moment.
12453 3 21 Product Recall 2145 Jim All right.
12454 3 21 Product Recall 2146 Andy Who was that guy she was talking to? At her locker.
12455 3 21 Product Recall 2146 Jim Not important. Because you're not dating her. Because it's a felony.
12456 3 21 Product Recall 2147 School Official The issue with the watermark is very serious.
12457 3 21 Product Recall 2147 Jim Absolutely.
12458 3 21 Product Recall 2147 School Official We teach our students that character counts.
12459 3 21 Product Recall 2147 Jim And you should.
12460 3 21 Product Recall 2147 School Official But---
12461 3 21 Product Recall 2147 Andy I want to take out an ad, in your yearbook. A full page, two words---
12462 3 21 Product Recall 2147 Jim "Good luck."
12463 3 21 Product Recall 2147 Andy That's not what I had in mind.
12464 3 21 Product Recall 2148 Kelly Ask where he's from.
12465 3 21 Product Recall 2148 Angela Where are you from? Ohio? That's nice. So what do you want? He's upset about the watermark.
12466 3 21 Product Recall 2148 Kelly OK, great. Now tell him that it was an unfortunate error, and we're doing everything we can do to fix it, and that you're sorry.
12467 3 21 Product Recall 2148 Kelly And you're sorry.
12468 3 21 Product Recall 2148 Angela ...and the company has already apologized, so you can take that apology or not. I think he had Tourette's or something!
12469 3 21 Product Recall 2149 Michael We... are going to do everything humanly possible, to ensure that this never happens again.
12470 3 21 Product Recall 2149 Barbara Well, it--- it doesn't help, because it already happened to me.
12471 3 21 Product Recall 2149 Michael The watermark... it's a one time thing.
12472 3 21 Product Recall 2149 Barbara I don't care! It was disgusting. Cartoon characters having s*x?
12473 3 21 Product Recall 2149 Dwight May I point out that the s*x appeared to be consensual? Both animals were smiling.
12474 3 21 Product Recall 2149 Michael OK...
12475 3 21 Product Recall 2150 Dwight I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having s*x in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken. Chicken on goat. Couple of chickens doin' a goat, couple of pigs watching. Whoever drew this got it exactly right.
12476 3 21 Product Recall 2151 Michael What... can I do, for you?
12477 3 21 Product Recall 2151 Barbara I, for starters, I think that you should resign.
12478 3 21 Product Recall 2151 Michael Well... OK, well... Um, wasn't really my fault. The guys at the papermill---
12479 3 21 Product Recall 2151 Barbara You're the head---
12480 3 21 Product Recall 2151 Michael The guys at the papermill--- No no no!
12481 3 21 Product Recall 2151 Barbara You're the head of the company!
12482 3 21 Product Recall 2151 Barbara Yes, and that makes it your responsibility---
12483 3 21 Product Recall 2151 Michael No, I'm a regional manager---
12484 3 21 Product Recall 2151 Barbara And so you should lose your job!
12485 3 21 Product Recall 2151 Michael No--- my--- OK, this is insane. You can get out of here. Get out!
12486 3 21 Product Recall 2151 Barbara Fine.
12487 3 21 Product Recall 2151 Michael That's insane. We'll give this to somebody who will appreciate it.
12488 3 21 Product Recall 2151 Barbara Mm-hmm.
12489 3 21 Product Recall 2151 Dwight It's non-transferable...
12490 3 21 Product Recall 2151 Michael Doesn't matter. Out please!
12491 3 21 Product Recall 2151 Barbara I'm calling the Better Business Bureau.
12492 3 21 Product Recall 2151 Michael Yeah, well I'm calling the Ungrateful Bi-atch Hotline! Did you get all that?
12493 3 21 Product Recall 2151 Chad Lite Everything.
12494 3 21 Product Recall 2152 Michael We gotta do something. This is spinning out of control, Pam. This is just, not...
12495 3 21 Product Recall 2152 Pam It's just the Scranton Times...
12496 3 21 Product Recall 2152 Michael No, then Newsweek picks it up. And then CNN does a story about it. Then... YouTube gets a hold of it...
12497 3 21 Product Recall 2152 Pam You know what? I really think the whole thing is just gonna blow over in like a week or two.
12498 3 21 Product Recall 2152 Michael You're right. It will blow over. But it's not... going to take... a week or two. Do you know what this is for?
12499 3 21 Product Recall 2152 Pam Yes.
12500 3 21 Product Recall 2153 Pam Michael likes me to run the camera when he makes his apology videos. He says he needs a woman's touch.
12501 3 21 Product Recall 2154 Michael OK, I think that's good.
12502 3 21 Product Recall 2155 Michael "Hello. I am Michael Scott, Regional Manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton. By now you are probably sick of hearing about Dunder Mifflin and our embarrassing watermark boner. Let me tell you something. Something from the heart. I am not leaving this office. It will take a SWAT team, to remove me from this office, and maybe not even that."
12503 3 21 Product Recall 2155 Dwight Uh, you could never withstand a SWAT team.
12504 3 21 Product Recall 2155 Michael That's how devoted I am to this job.
12505 3 21 Product Recall 2155 Dwight I'm just saying...
12506 3 21 Product Recall 2155 Michael I know.
12507 3 21 Product Recall 2155 Dwight They would flank you. Throw in a concussion grenade.
12508 3 21 Product Recall 2155 Michael I understand that, Dwight.
12509 3 21 Product Recall 2155 Dwight You would be on the ground, blind, deaf, dumb.
12510 3 21 Product Recall 2155 Michael Do you think you're taking it a little... literally, Dwight? And now we're wasting tape. I'm gonna have to cut this all out. Can you say cut?
12511 3 21 Product Recall 2155 Dwight Cut.
12512 3 21 Product Recall 2155 Michael So I'll know where---
12513 3 21 Product Recall 2155 Pam Cut.
12514 3 21 Product Recall 2155 Michael I'm asking Pam to do it, please.
12515 3 21 Product Recall 2155 Pam Cut.
12516 3 21 Product Recall 2155 Michael OK, ready?
12517 3 21 Product Recall 2156 Angela Kevin, what's four plus seven?
12518 3 21 Product Recall 2156 Kevin Eleven.
12519 3 21 Product Recall 2156 Angela Yeah, well you didn't know that when you filled out this payroll form.
12520 3 21 Product Recall 2156 Kevin Yeah, well at least I didn't suck at customer relations. Oooh, yes. Facial.
12521 3 21 Product Recall 2156 Oscar Yes.
12522 3 21 Product Recall 2156 Angela You two are apes.
12523 3 21 Product Recall 2156 Oscar I expect you to apologize for that, Angela.
12524 3 21 Product Recall 2156 Angela I'm sorry... that you're both morons.
12525 3 21 Product Recall 2156 Kevin Oh, but you still said "I'm sorry."
12526 3 21 Product Recall 2156 Angela I called you morons.
12527 3 21 Product Recall 2156 Kevin Still said it.
12528 3 21 Product Recall 2156 Oscar Still said it, so...
12529 3 21 Product Recall 2157 Michael Five, four, three. "There is no way, I will resign. It wouldn't be fair. Not to the good workers I work with, not to my clients, and especially not to me. Let's not forget who this whole resigning business is about, anyway. If I could leave you with one thought, remember... it wasn't me. They're trying to make me an escape goat. If I am fired, I swear to God, that every single piece of copier paper in this town is going to have the F-word on it. The F-word. You have one day."
12530 3 21 Product Recall 2157 Pam One day for what?
12531 3 21 Product Recall 2157 Michael That's... they always give an ultimatum.
12532 3 21 Product Recall 2157 Pam OK.
12533 3 21 Product Recall 2157 Michael Good, cut?
12534 3 21 Product Recall 2157 Pam Cut. That was your best apology video ever.
12535 3 21 Product Recall 2157 Michael Thought so too.
12536 3 21 Product Recall 2158 Creed Got a farewell card for Debbie Brown. I thought maybe you'd like to sign it. Maybe throw a couple of bucks in there for her. She's got some children.
12537 3 21 Product Recall 2159 Creed I feel terrible about Debbie Brown. She got fired because of Dwight. So I thought I'd pass around a goodbye card, maybe everyone could put in a couple of bucks to help her through these difficult times. Why do bad things always happen to the good people? It's tragic. Just tragic.
12538 3 21 Product Recall 2160 Jim You want music?
12539 3 21 Product Recall 2160 Andy I don't care.
12540 3 21 Product Recall 2160 Jim Come on man, just give it a couple days. I think you'll be all right.
12541 3 21 Product Recall 2160 Andy Yeah.
12542 3 21 Product Recall 2160 Jim A-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh...
12543 3 21 Product Recall 2160 Andy You know what--- I don't---
12544 3 21 Product Recall 2160 Jim A-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh...
12545 3 21 Product Recall 2160 Andy Oooo-oo-oooo-ooo-oo-oooo-oo-ooo-ooo a-wi-imbube!
12546 3 21 Product Recall 2160 Jim A-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh...
12547 3 21 Product Recall 2160 Andy Oooo-oo-oooo-ooo-oo-oooo-oo-ooo-ooo a-wi-imbube!
12548 3 21 Product Recall 2160 Jim A-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh, a-wimowheh...
12549 3 21 Product Recall 2160 Andy Sweet.
12550 3 21 Product Recall 2161 Dwight Pam.
12551 3 21 Product Recall 2161 Pam Hey, Dwight. You look really nice today.
12552 3 21 Product Recall 2161 Dwight Pssssh. I look like an idiot. Hey Karen.
12553 3 21 Product Recall 2161 Karen Hey, Dwight, lookin' sharp.
12554 3 21 Product Recall 2161 Dwight Yeah, that's cause I'm... you're boyfriend, Jim Halpert. Hey, Karen, wanna get t-together later and have sexual intercourse cause you're my girlfriend?
12555 3 21 Product Recall 2161 Jim Do you?
12556 3 21 Product Recall 2161 Karen No.
12557 3 21 Product Recall 2161 Jim OK.
12558 3 21 Product Recall 2161 Karen I'm good. Thanks.
12559 3 21 Product Recall 2161 Jim Look at that.
12560 3 21 Product Recall 2161 Dwight I'm Jim Halpert.
12561 3 21 Product Recall 2161 Jim Spot on.
12562 3 21 Product Recall 2161 Dwight Ah-luh-luh, a little comment. Muh.
12563 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2162 Jim Hey.
12564 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2162 Jim Oh, what's this?
12565 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2162 Dwight That is a demerit.
12566 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2162 Jim "Jim Halpert, tardiness." Ugh. I love it already.
12567 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2162 Dwight You've gotta learn, Jim. You are second in command, but that does not put you above the law.
12568 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2162 Jim Oh, I understand. And I also have lots of questions, like, what does a demerit mean?
12569 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2162 Dwight Let's put it this way. You do not want to receive three of those.
12570 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2162 Jim Lay it on me.
12571 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2162 Dwight Three demerits and you'll receive a citation.
12572 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2162 Jim Now that sounds serious.
12573 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2162 Dwight Oh, it is serious. Five citations and you're looking at a violation. Four of those and you'll receive a verbal warning. Keep it up, and you're looking at a written warning. Two of those, that'll land you in a world of hurt... in the form of a disciplinary review written up by me and placed on the desk of my immediate superior.
12574 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2162 Jim Which would be me.
12575 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2162 Dwight That is correct.
12576 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2162 Jim OK, I want a copy on my desk by the end of the day or you will receive a full disadulation.
12577 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2162 Dwight What's a dis... what's that?
12578 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2162 Jim Oh, you don't want to know.
12579 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2163 Pam Hey, Phyllis. You all right?
12580 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2163 Phyllis I think I just got flashed.
12581 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2163 Pam What? Really?
12582 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2163 Phyllis In the parking lot.
12583 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2163 Pam Oh, my God.
12584 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2163 Dwight Move!
12585 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2163 Andy What happened? What can I do to help?
12586 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2163 Jim OK.
12587 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2163 Andy I'll check the web.
12588 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2163 Jim Thank you. The police are on it. They say they've already had three calls.
12589 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2163 Pam Can you tell us what happened?
12590 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2163 Phyllis Um... I was walking to the building and this man asked me for directions. And he was holding a map. And when I walked over, he had it out... on the map.
12591 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2163 Angela Phyllis. You're a married woman.
12592 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2163 Creed The guy was just hanging brain. I mean, what's all the fuss?
12593 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2164 Creed If that's flashing, then lock me up.
12594 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2165 Pam It's just, like, so creepy.
12595 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2165 Ryan Yeah.
12596 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2165 Michael What's happening?
12597 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2165 Pam Oh, some guy exposed himself to Phyllis in the parking lot.
12598 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2165 Michael Really? Is she OK?
12599 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2165 Pam Yeah, Bob Vance took her for a walk to calm down.
12600 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2165 Michael OK. Phyllis, you say? Hmm.
12601 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2165 Angela What is so funny?
12602 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2165 Michael Um... I mean did he even see Pam? Or, uh... Karen from behind?
12603 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2165 Kevin I'm guessing not.
12604 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2165 Michael I'm sorry. It's pretty funny when you think about it.
12605 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2165 Jim Mm... not really, no.
12606 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2165 Pam It's disgusting and demeaning.
12607 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2165 Michael Oh, OK. Masters of comedy. A guy dropped his pants. Have you ever been to the circus? OK. He's back! OK. Hmm. Waagh!
12608 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2165 Toby Hey, what's going on? There's a police car in the...
12609 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2165 Michael What? Oh.
12610 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2165 Toby What's going on?
12611 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2165 Michael Oh, Phyllis got flashed. It's, uh...
12612 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2165 Toby I don't think laughing about it is an appropriate response.
12613 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2165 Michael Oh, come on. We are laughing at Phyllis, but she's not even here, so no harm, no foul.
12614 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2165 Toby I don't think the women in this office -
12615 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2165 Michael Incidentally, where were you during all of this? Maybe you're the flasher.
12616 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2165 Toby I was at a parent-teacher conference.
12617 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2165 Michael Uh-huh. Prove it. Let's see your pen1s. I... you know, as that was coming out of my mouth, I knew that it was wrong.
12618 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2166 Michael In all the excitement, I forgot that my primary goal is to keep people safe. Women can't have fun if they don't feel safe. For example, Jan and I have a safe word in case things go too far. Foliage. And if one of us says that word, the other one has to stop. Although last time... she pretended she didn't hear me.
12619 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2167 Jan Michael, ...
12620 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2167 Michael Huh?
12621 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2167 Jan ...come over after work tonight, OK? I miss your body.
12622 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2167 Michael I don't know. I feel... I drive a lot. I'm spending a fortune on gas and tolls -
12623 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2167 Jan I'll give you $200. And if I get up before you, I'll leave it on the dresser.
12624 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2167 Michael Um, that... I don't know. That makes me kind of uncomfortable.
12625 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2167 Jan $300?
12626 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2167 Michael I... uh, well, I don't know.
12627 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2167 Jan You know whatever. Just let my assistant know if you're coming over so he can get more vodka, OK? Hunter, are you on?
12628 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2167 Hunter You got it, Jan.
12629 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2168 Dwight Employees of this office are very small and delicate. Deserve protection from local pervs. Better 1,000 innocent men are locked up than one guilty man roam free.
12630 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2169 Michael I am sick over this thing. Those people out there are clearly afraid. And that can't happen. Not in my house.
12631 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2169 Dwight Agreed. Let me show you what I've been working on.
12632 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2169 Michael OK.
12633 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2169 Dwight There are several penises there I'd love Phyllis to run her eyes over. You know, see if we can catch this pervert.
12634 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2169 Dwight Look at that one.
12635 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2169 Michael Dwight, are those your pants? That's a Polaroid.
12636 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2170 Michael Attention, everybody. Dwight has something he would like to say.
12637 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2170 Dwight Due to a recent incident involving Phyllis, a man, a map, and his pen1s - I think you know what I'm referring to - Michael has authorized me to form an emergency anti-flashing task force.
12638 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2170 Jim Question. Won't that interfere with your other task forces?
12639 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2170 Dwight Answer: No, because this is being given priority one. This is a petition for the business park to upgrade their security cameras as well as install two floodlights in the parking lot. And I know... I know what you're thinking. Won't that just shed more light on the penises? But that is a risk we have to take. Pam. You can draw, kind of. Why don't you work with Phallus on drawing a picture of the exposer that I can post around the community?
12640 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2170 Pam Phallus?
12641 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2170 Dwight Phyllis, sorry. I've got penises on the brain. Back to work, everybody.
12642 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2171 Pam I don't often miss Roy. But I can tell you one thing. I wish someone had flashed me when I was with Roy. Because that would have been the ass-kicking of the year. Especially if it had been Jim. He would not have wanted me to have seen Jim's... Whoo, I am... I am saying a lot of things.
12643 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2172 Phyllis I didn't really get a good look.
12644 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2172 Pam That's OK. I don't feel like answering phones.
12645 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2172 Karen Hey, did you guys see this memo that Dwight sent out? "Women will be sent home if they wear makeup or heels exceeding 1/4 inch. Females are not allowed to speak to strangers unless given written authorization by Dwight Schrute." This is ridiculous.
12646 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2172 Dwight Attention. I am removing all bananas from the kitchen.
12647 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2172 Karen Dwight, this memo that you distributed is insulting.
12648 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2172 Dwight Desperate times call for desperate measures.
12649 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2172 Pam "Sleeves down to the wrists, buttoned-up collars, and muted colors." Nobody dress like that.
12650 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2172 Michael OK, you know something, Dwight? We are not the terrorists. Why don't you just take these women, put 'em in a burlap sack, and hit 'em with a stick? Because that's what you're doing. I celebrate these women. They deserve the right to dress as they please. If Pam wants to show more cleavage, she should be able to. I encourage that.
12651 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2172 Karen Look, it's really simple. We just want you guys to treat us with respect.
12652 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2172 Michael See? That's what we're talking about. Did you hear that, Dwight?
12653 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2172 Dwight Yes. Did you hear that, Michael?
12654 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2172 Michael No, Dwight. Respect. R-E-S-P-svee-T. Find out what it means to me. All right, you know what? That's it. Conference room, five minutes. Women's appreciation.
12655 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2172 Jim Wait a second, how are you qualified for that?
12656 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2172 Michael Oh, I don't know, James. Did I come from a woman? Have I slept with a woman? More than one?
12657 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2172 Dwight Mm, less than three.
12658 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2172 Michael That is not current.
12659 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2172 Dwight You know what? Why doesn't Oscar run the meeting? He's a homosexual.
12660 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2172 Jim Why don't you run the meeting? You play with dolls.
12661 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2172 Dwight Those are collectible action figures and they're worth more than your car.
12662 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2172 Michael You know what? I am the expert. I will conduct it. I know the crap out of women.
12663 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2173 Michael I, um... would like to apologize for all of the men who thought this was a laughing matter.
12664 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2173 Creed Are we still discussing this? I say again, what is the big deal?
12665 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2173 Michael Nobody likes to be flashed. When Meredith flashed me at that Christmas party, I nearly vomited.
12666 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2173 Meredith I don't remember doing that.
12667 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2173 Angela What a surprise.
12668 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2173 Michael OK, no catfights. Please. Let's - my point is... my point is... a pen1s, when seen in the right context, is the most wonderful sight for a woman. But in the wrong context, it is like a monster movie.
12669 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2173 Michael What are...? Shut it. Shut. Up. OK, so what I want to engage us in today is a hardcore discussion about women's problems and issues and situations. Magazines and TV shows and movies portray women as skinny, tall goddesses. Well, look around. Are women like that? No. No, they are not. Even the hot ones aren't really that skinny. So what does that say? That says that you women are up against it. And it is criminal. Society doesn't care. Society sucks. I don't even consider myself a part of society. FYI. Because I am so angry over all of this.
12670 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2173 Andy If it were up to me, you ladies would be the fashion models.
12671 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2173 Kevin Yes, Andy. Then the fashion models could come here and work with me.
12672 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2173 Karen What you're saying is extremely misogynistic.
12673 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2173 Michael Yes. Thank you. That was not necessary, but I appreciated it. And I proves my point. Women can do anything.
12674 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2173 Karen I'm saying that you're being sexist.
12675 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2173 Michael No. I'm being misogynistic. That is insane. I am not being sexist.
12676 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2173 Karen That - it's the same thing.
12677 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2173 Phyllis Michael.
12678 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2173 Michael Yes.
12679 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2173 Phyllis When I got my hair cut short, you asked me if I was a lesbian.
12680 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2173 Michael Because wha... that was one possible explanation as to why you got that haircut.
12681 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2173 Angela And when we get mad, you always ask us if we're on our periods.
12682 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2173 Michael I have to know whether you're serious or not.
12683 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2173 Dwight I wish I could menstruate.
12684 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2174 Dwight If I could menstruate, I wouldn't have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I'd just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus, I'd be more in tune with the moon and the tides.
12685 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2175 Karen Can we just get back to work?
12686 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2175 Michael Ye - OK, yes.
12687 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2175 Angela This is not work talk.
12688 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2175 Michael You're right. You're right, you're right. And you know why? It's because of where we are. This is a masculine environment. We need to find a place where you feel comfortable. You know where we're gonna go? The Steamtown Mall.
12689 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2176 Karen Frankly, it's kind of insulting. But I have a bunch of stuff I need to return in my car. So... I could do that.
12690 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2177 Angela Malls are just awful and humiliating. They're just store after store of these horrible salespeople making a big fuss out of an adult shopping in a junior's section. There are petite adults who are sort of... smaller who need to wear... maybe a kids' size 10.
12691 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2178 Michael OK, let's go, ladies of Dunder-Mifflin. Hey, we should have a calendar printed up. Pam, put that in my good idea folder. Let's go!
12692 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2178 Dwight Have you finished with the sketch?
12693 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2178 Pam Yeah.
12694 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2178 Dwight Hmm, doesn't seem like the type.
12695 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2178 Pam Uh, Phyllis got a good look.
12696 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2178 Dwight Hmm.
12697 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2179 Dwight I plan on plastering this pervert's face everywhere. You can run, but you cannot hide.
12698 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2180 Pam Oh.
12699 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2180 Angela Meredith, slow down! We're not gonna get there any faster if we're dead.
12700 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2180 Meredith Thanks. I know how to drive.
12701 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2180 Pam Oh, yeah. You really shouldn't litter.
12702 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2180 Meredith My car, my rules.
12703 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2181 Kevin Hey, Jim. You wanna go in the women's bathroom?
12704 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2181 Jim No. Thank you, though.
12705 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2181 Kevin You aren't curious?
12706 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2181 Jim Not really. I've seen a bathroom before.
12707 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2181 Kevin Yeah, but... it's every guy's fantasy.
12708 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2181 Kevin Yeah. I'm going in.
12709 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2181 Jim Go crazy.
12710 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2181 Kevin Oh... my... God.
12711 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2182 Andy I really appreciate your letting me work alongside you so closely today.
12712 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2182 Dwight Of course you do, moon face. That's because you're a preppy freak, you're the office pariah, and nobody likes you. So start hanging these all around the building.
12713 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2182 Andy This guy looks like a real deviant.
12714 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2182 Dwight No, duh. That's why we gotta catch him. Start hanging those.
12715 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2182 Andy Aye, aye, Cap'n.
12716 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2182 Dwight More like, "Aye, aye, General."
12717 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2183 Michael I don't think she's gonna make it. Don't think she's gonna make it -
12718 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2183 Meredith It's a little too tight. I'm gonna find another spot.
12719 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2184 Jim Well, I stand corrected. This is pretty cool.
12720 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2184 Kevin Yes.
12721 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2184 Toby Hey, uh... where'd you decide to take Karen tonight?
12722 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2184 Jim Anna Maria's.
12723 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2184 Ryan What's the occasion?
12724 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2184 Jim Six-month anniversary. What?
12725 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2184 Ryan Nothing - I think, uh, we all kinda thought you guys were just, like, hooking up.
12726 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2184 Jim No, we've been dating for six months.
12727 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2184 Ryan Uh, she might mention an email that I wrote a while back, um -
12728 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2184 Jim Oh, right. I remember that one. She read it to me. She said she's not really ready to date somebody in the office, but she really likes you as a friend.
12729 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2184 Ryan I figured. It's cool. I don't - I wouldn't want to be in an office relationship anyway.
12730 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2185 Michael All right. Hope nobody's on a diet.
12731 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2185 Kelly Thanks, Michael.
12732 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2185 Angela Thank you, Michael.
12733 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2185 Michael You're welcome. You're welcome, you're welcome. OK. So, let's dish.
12734 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2185 Pam What do you want to dish about?
12735 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2185 Michael Anything you guys want. This is your time. Mm. What is a Pap smear? Or is it "shmear?" Like the cream cheese.
12736 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2185 Pam OK. New topic. Kelly, how are things with Ryan?
12737 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2185 Kelly Awesome. Um, awful, I mean. But, uh, sometimes awesome.
12738 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2185 Michael What, um... what do you think of role-play?
12739 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2185 Phyllis Oh, it can be fun.
12740 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2185 Michael Yeah? Well, Jan has this schoolgirl fantasy.
12741 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2185 Karen It's a pretty common one.
12742 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2185 Michael I just... I feel uncomfortable wearing the dress.
12743 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2185 Angela OK. I'm gonna be at the doll store.
12744 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2186 Angela Sometimes, the clothes at GapKids are just too flashy. So I'm forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls.
12745 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2187 Pam Michael, you shouldn't do anything that you're uncomfortable with.
12746 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2187 Michael Jan says anything that doesn't scare us is not worth doing. I don't know. Maybe we're different people. I like cuddling and spooning and she likes videotaping us during s*x.
12747 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2187 Pam Oh, my God.
12748 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2187 Michael And then watching it back right afterward to improve my form.
12749 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2187 Karen That is not healthy behavior.
12750 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2187 Michael No, it's not that bad. The worst part is that she shows it to her therapist and they discuss it.
12751 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2187 Pam Michael, you need to get out of this.
12752 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2187 Michael No, she's... she's fooling around. It's a woman thing.
12753 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2187 Pam No, normal women don't do stuff like that. This is bad.
12754 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2187 Michael No... No, it's all right. I'm OK. I'm OK. You guys... what are we gonna do about Jan?
12755 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2188 Pam Read the pros first.
12756 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2188 Michael OK. Jan is smart. Uh, successful. Good clothes. Hot. Perfect skin. Nice butt.
12757 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2188 Phyllis She does have very nice clothes.
12758 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2188 Karen OK, OK. Um, cons.
12759 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2188 Michael Cons. Wears too much makeup. Breasts: not anything to write home about. Insecure about body. I'm unhappy when I'm with her. Flat-chested.
12760 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2188 Pam What was the last one?
12761 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2188 Michael She's totally flat. Shrunken chesticles.
12762 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2188 Phyllis No, the one before that.
12763 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2188 Michael I'm unhappy when I'm with her.
12764 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2188 Pam Michael... you shouldn't be with someone who doesn't make you happy.
12765 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2188 Michael I'm happy sometimes. Um... when we scrapbook or right towards the end of having s*x.
12766 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2188 Karen Look, most relationships have their rough patches. You just have to push through it sometimes.
12767 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2188 Michael Yeah, that's smart.
12768 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2188 Pam Maybe. But it sounds like you're just wrong for each other.
12769 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2188 Michael That sounds good too. I don't know who's right. I just don't - I don't know. I don't know.
12770 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2188 Phyllis I bet you know. Don't think, just answer. What do you want to do about Jan?
12771 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2188 Michael I wanna break up with Jan. Wow. I wanna break up with Jan.
12772 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2188 Phyllis My mom taught me that.
12773 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2189 Michael Wow, I cannot believe this yogurt has no calories.
12774 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2189 Pam No one said it has no calories.
12775 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2189 Michael Oh, hey, guys. I want to do something nice for you, because you did something so nice for me earlier. I want you to go in there. I want you to buy one item on me as a thank-you. Come on. Get in here.
12776 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2190 Michael Let's face it, most guys are from the Dark Ages. They're caveman. And they like a woman to be showing her cleavage and to be wearing 8-inch heels, and to be wearing, um, see-through underpants. But... for me, a woman looks best when she is just absolutely naked.
12777 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2191 Kevin This is so great, huh? We should do this much more often.
12778 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2191 Toby I-I think we hang out an appropriate amount of time.
12779 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2191 Creed What are you doing in here? This is the women's room.
12780 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2191 Kevin You're in here.
12781 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2191 Creed I pay for that privilege.
12782 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2191 Kevin OK.
12783 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2192 Creed I'm a pretty normal guy. I do one weird thing. I like to go in the women's room for number two. I've been caught several times and I have paid dearly.
12784 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2193 Michael Mm. You don't want anything? My treat. Some panties or... pick a thong or... G-string. T-back. Get a nice bra. Padded bra. See-through, push-up, lace? Thigh-high? Bustier? Any - it just - you know what, I would love to buy you a fresh set of underwear.
12785 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2193 Karen Phyllis. What do you think? Too much?
12786 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2193 Phyllis Jim's gonna love it.
12787 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2194 Pam I'm kind of in-between boyfriends right now. So I don't need anything sexy. But I do need some new hand towels. I figure I can cut up this robe.
12788 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2195 Angela Slower. Slower. Meredith. Slow it up.
12789 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2195 Michael Oh. Oh, no. It's Jan. What do I do?
12790 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2195 Karen Answer it.
12791 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2195 Pam Don't answer it.
12792 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2195 Michael OK, it stopped.
12793 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2195 Kelly Whoa.
12794 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2195 Meredith Crap.
12795 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2196 Jim That is pretty cool.
12796 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2197 Kelly Michael, you know how to, um -change a wheel, right?
12797 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2197 Michael Uh, yeah. Yep. Um... Could somebody grab me the lever, and I will...
12798 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2197 Pam Here, uh... Meredith? Why don't you put your hazards on.
12799 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2197 Michael Yeah, get your hazards on for safety. Let's see. There we go! Good. Yes, we have the... all right.
12800 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2197 Pam I think I've got it.
12801 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2197 Michael Do you have a... a crescent? A crescent Allan?
12802 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2197 Pam I don't think we really need that, Michael.
12803 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2197 Michael Uh... you know what? I'm going to... you take care of that. I'm gonna do traffic... detail.
12804 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2198 Pam You know, I changed a tire today. All by myself. This bathrobe's already coming in handy. Coming!
12805 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2199 Andy Think we'll find him?
12806 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2199 Dwight Yeah, I do. 'Cause justice never rests.
12807 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2199 Andy Halvsies?
12808 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2199 Dwight No. Wholesies.
12809 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2199 Andy Listen, man, I really appreciate you letting me shadow you today. I feel like I learned a lot.
12810 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2199 Dwight Natch.
12811 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2199 Andy Yep. If you don't mind, I think I'll hang some of these posters around my neighborhood. Schools, post office, et cetera.
12812 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2199 Dwight You know, I may have underestimated you. You're not a total ass.
12813 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2200 Michael OK, I am really going to do this.
12814 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2200 Pam Good luck, Michael.
12815 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2200 Michael You know what? I need my girls with me. Pam, Karen, even Phyllis. Come on. Let's do this. Let's do it.
12816 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2200 Karen OK, remember, be strong.
12817 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2200 Michael I love you guys. Now I'm getting her voicemail.
12818 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2200 Pam Don't leave a -
12819 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2200 Michael Hey, Jan. It's me, Michael. I'm just calling to say that I think we need a little break, permanently. And, uh, I know everybody says this, but I-I wanna remain friends. Or at least business associates who get along. Oh, just so you know, it's not me, it's you. OK, buddy. Somebody just walked in. I have to go. Um, so I'll talk to you later.
12820 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2200 Jan Michael... I was, um... I was really unhappy with our conversation earlier. And I... I just - I couldn't stop thinking about it. So I decided that I would drive down here and apologize to you in person. So... I'm sorry.
12821 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2200 Michael Thank you.
12822 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2200 Jan So... we're good?
12823 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2200 Michael Abso-fruit-ly.
12824 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2200 Jan Oh. Hold on, I'm sorry.
12825 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2200 Michael No... No...
12826 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2200 Jan One second. Oh! It's from you. Uh, you wanna grab some dinner?
12827 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2200 Michael Yeah.
12828 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2200 Jan OK. "It's me, Michael. I'm just calling to say that I think we need a little break, permanently. And, uh, I know everybody says this, but I want..."
12829 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2200 Michael Maybe some Italian. "... to remain friends. Or at least business associates -" Chinese? "who get along. Oh, just so you know, it's not me, it's you. OK, buddy."
12830 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2200 Jan Oh.
12831 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2201 Michael Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable. There's a wishing fountain at the mall. And I threw a coin in for every woman in the world and made a wish. I wished for Jan to get over me. I wished for Phyllis, a plasma TV. I wished for Pam to gain courage. I wished for Angela, a heart, and for Kelly, a brain. "Michael, how can you appreciate women so much but also dump one of them?" You mean, how can I be so illogical and flighty and unpredictable and emotional? Well, maybe I learned something from women after all.
12832 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2202 Dwight Dunder-Mifflin paper/s*x predator hotline, this is Dwight Schrute.
12833 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2202 Jim Hey, Dwight. It's Jim.
12834 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2202 Dwight Jim, what are you doing? I'm busy.
12835 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2202 Jim No, you're not. I'm looking right at you.
12836 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2202 Dwight Ugh. I'm hanging up.
12837 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2202 Jim Don't. I have information about the s*x predator.
12838 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2202 Dwight You have information about the s*x predator?
12839 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2202 Jim I saw him two minutes ago.
12840 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2202 Dwight Where?
12841 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2202 Jim In the women's bathroom, above the sink.
12842 3 22 Women's Appreciation 2202 Dwight Anti-flashing task force! Above the sink. Above the sink. Hmm. PAM!
12843 3 23 Beach Games 2203 Michael Ughh... Blech.
12844 3 23 Beach Games 2203 Dwight OK, where does it hurt?
12845 3 23 Beach Games 2203 Michael Just... all over. I don't want to do anything... I'm dying...
12846 3 23 Beach Games 2203 Dwight No, that's not how it works. You have to point to a specific part of the body.
12847 3 23 Beach Games 2203 Michael Right there.
12848 3 23 Beach Games 2203 Dwight "Abdomen. Menses."
12849 3 23 Beach Games 2203 Michael Maybe.
12850 3 23 Beach Games 2203 Dwight "The uterus contracts after your egg passes through it."
12851 3 23 Beach Games 2203 Michael Not it. I don't have eggs.
12852 3 23 Beach Games 2204 Pam About 40 times a year, Michael gets really sick, but has no symptoms. Dwight is always gravely concerned.
12853 3 23 Beach Games 2205 Dwight Oh, is it possible you ate food that contained animal waste?
12854 3 23 Beach Games 2205 Michael That's possible.
12855 3 23 Beach Games 2205 Pam Michael?
12856 3 23 Beach Games 2205 Michael Uh-huh?
12857 3 23 Beach Games 2205 Pam David Wallace is on line one.
12858 3 23 Beach Games 2205 Michael The CFO? Ohh...
12859 3 23 Beach Games 2205 Michael OK, everybody out. Out. Out. Out. OK.
12860 3 23 Beach Games 2206 Michael To what do I owe this great honor, David Wallace?
12861 3 23 Beach Games 2206 David Michael, I am calling---
12862 3 23 Beach Games 2206 Michael And Gromit. Jan? Is Jan there?
12863 3 23 Beach Games 2206 David Jan is out of town right now.
12864 3 23 Beach Games 2206 Michael Oh, you sigh like Jan. I broke Jan's heart, David, and it was awful. It was... It was never my intention to ruin a life. But you know what? Sometimes...
12865 3 23 Beach Games 2206 David Michael?
12866 3 23 Beach Games 2206 Michael ...you just gots to get your freak on.
12867 3 23 Beach Games 2206 David Michael?
12868 3 23 Beach Games 2206 Michael Yeah.
12869 3 23 Beach Games 2206 David Michael?
12870 3 23 Beach Games 2206 Michael Hmmm.
12871 3 23 Beach Games 2206 David I am calling to see if you can come down and interview for a job we have opening in corporate.
12872 3 23 Beach Games 2206 Michael Really?
12873 3 23 Beach Games 2206 David Week from today. Bring your first quarter stats and your recommendation for who would take over the Scranton Branch.
12874 3 23 Beach Games 2206 Michael Wow. I wish I had prepared something to say.
12875 3 23 Beach Games 2206 David That's not necessary.
12876 3 23 Beach Games 2206 Michael May God guide you in your quest.
12877 3 23 Beach Games 2206 David Yes.
12878 3 23 Beach Games 2207 Michael OK, everybody have their towels and swim suits? We have about an hour and half. I suggest that you all go potty now and then we will be congregating on the partay bus.
12879 3 23 Beach Games 2208 Michael Oscar, you brought your Speedo, I assume?
12880 3 23 Beach Games 2208 Oscar I don't wear a Speedo, Michael.
12881 3 23 Beach Games 2208 Michael Well, you can't swim in leather pants. I'm just yankin' your chain. Not literally.
12882 3 23 Beach Games 2209 Toby Anybody need sun block? Got SPF 30.
12883 3 23 Beach Games 2209 Michael Oh, you know what? Uh, you're not going.
12884 3 23 Beach Games 2209 Toby It's Beach Day...
12885 3 23 Beach Games 2209 Michael Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, Toby. We... um... Somebody has to stay here.
12886 3 23 Beach Games 2210 Michael I want today to be a beautiful memory... that the staff and I share after I have passed on to New York. And if Toby is a part of it... then it'll suck.
12887 3 23 Beach Games 2211 Toby Hey, want my sun screen?
12888 3 23 Beach Games 2211 Pam Oh, great. I forgot mine and I'm wearing a two piece.
12889 3 23 Beach Games 2211 Toby Uh-huh.
12890 3 23 Beach Games 2211 Pam Thanks Toby.
12891 3 23 Beach Games 2211 Michael Hey Pam, I have a very important job for you
12892 3 23 Beach Games 2211 Pam I thought we were just having fun at the beach.
12893 3 23 Beach Games 2211 Michael We are. We are. But, I would like you to take notes. And I want you to find out about people's character. Not their hotness, per se, but their humor, and their charisma, and the indefinable quality that makes you all glad to follow me.
12894 3 23 Beach Games 2212 Michael What happens to a company if somebody takes their boss away? I will answer your question with a question. It's like what happens to a chicken when you take its head away. It dies. Unless you find a new head. I need to see which one of these people have the skills to be a chicken head.
12895 3 23 Beach Games 2213 Pam You want me to write down people's indefinable qualities?
12896 3 23 Beach Games 2213 Michael I want you to write down everything that people are doing all day. And then type it up, in a way that is helpful. Alright?
12897 3 23 Beach Games 2214 Pam I have the most boring job in the office, so... why wouldn't I have the most boring job on beach day?
12898 3 23 Beach Games 2215 Michael This way to the partay bus.
12899 3 23 Beach Games 2216 Kevin I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That's all I've ever wanted.
12900 3 23 Beach Games 2217 Kevin And the night got deathly quiet, and his face lost all expression. Said, "If you're gonna play the game, boy, ya gotta learn to play it right." You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, Know when to walk away and know when to run. You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table. There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done.
12901 3 23 Beach Games 2218 Michael Everybody, may I have you attention please? Today, we are not just spending a day at the beach.
12902 3 23 Beach Games 2218 Stanley Oh, sweet mother of God.
12903 3 23 Beach Games 2218 Michael If you don't like it, Stanley, you can go to the back of the bus.
12904 3 23 Beach Games 2218 Stanley Excuse me?
12905 3 23 Beach Games 2218 Michael Or the front of the bus. Or drive the bus. Just, we are all participating in mandatory fun activities. Funtivities! And there is a special secret prize for the winner!
12906 3 23 Beach Games 2218 Dwight Yes! Funtivities! I knew it wasn't just a trip to the beach.
12907 3 23 Beach Games 2218 Michael Okay, you know what? Your enthusiasm's turning people off.
12908 3 23 Beach Games 2218 Dwight I hope there will be management parables.
12909 3 23 Beach Games 2218 Michael Well, Hey Pam, did you get that down?
12910 3 23 Beach Games 2218 Pam Like what?
12911 3 23 Beach Games 2218 Michael Like everything I said and everything they did and... Just don't...
12912 3 23 Beach Games 2218 Pam Well... no, I don't... exactly... what?
12913 3 23 Beach Games 2218 Michael Well write it down before you forget it. That's... You've just been drawing pictures. Rrrr. I can't stay mad at you.
12914 3 23 Beach Games 2219 Michael Here we are ladies and gentlemen. Everybody ready? Last one down is a rotten egg. Watch out for snakes!
12915 3 23 Beach Games 2220 Angela Everyone put on sunscreen.
12916 3 23 Beach Games 2220 Michael Alright, find a cozy spot. Everybody settle in. OK, everybody up! Circle 'round. Let us play some games. We are situated on the northeast corner of scenic Lake Scranton. America's eighth largest indigenous body of water. It is here that a group of Americans will undergo the ultimate challenge. One day, 14 strangers who work together, but only one survivor.
12917 3 23 Beach Games 2220 Oscar What?
12918 3 23 Beach Games 2220 Michael Just words. Inspiring words. Not a contender. For the competitions, you will be divided into four tribes. Each tribe will have a leader that I will pick randomly off the top of my head without thinking. Jim, Dwight, Andy and Stanley.
12919 3 23 Beach Games 2220 Dwight Yes!
12920 3 23 Beach Games 2220 Michael Choose your tribes. Except for Pam. Not Pam.
12921 3 23 Beach Games 2221 Michael Jim Halpert. Pros: smart, cool, good-looking. Remind you of anybody you know? Cons: not a hard worker. I can spend all day on a project, and he will finish the same project in a half an hour. So that should tell you something.
12922 3 23 Beach Games 2222 Dwight I choose Michael!
12923 3 23 Beach Games 2222 Michael I'm not playing.
12924 3 23 Beach Games 2222 Dwight OK, temp.
12925 3 23 Beach Games 2223 Michael Dwight is an obvious candidate for my job. He has the best sales record in the office. He loves the work. He is, however, an idiot.
12926 3 23 Beach Games 2224 Michael We are going to choose team names. Dwight?
12927 3 23 Beach Games 2224 Dwight We will be called Gryffindor.
12928 3 23 Beach Games 2224 Jim Really? Not Slytherin?
12929 3 23 Beach Games 2224 Dwight Slytherin are the bad guys, Jim.
12930 3 23 Beach Games 2224 Jim I know. Okay, we will be Voldemort.
12931 3 23 Beach Games 2224 Dwight He-who-must-not-be-named? I wouldn't do that.
12932 3 23 Beach Games 2224 Jim Vol-de-mort, Vol-de-mort ... Vol-de-mort! Vol-de-mort! Vol-de-mort!
12933 3 23 Beach Games 2224 Dwight OK, seriously. You really shouldn't be saying that.
12934 3 23 Beach Games 2224 Michael Hey, hey, hey. Ok, Ok... Stanley, your team name?
12935 3 23 Beach Games 2224 Stanley I don't care what you call my team.
12936 3 23 Beach Games 2224 Michael Then I will name your team the Red team.
12937 3 23 Beach Games 2224 Stanley No , the blue team.
12938 3 23 Beach Games 2225 Michael I am also considering Stanley because of all the good that black people have done. For America.
12939 3 23 Beach Games 2226 Andy We will be team U.S.A.
12940 3 23 Beach Games 2226 Michael Very good. Pam, please take a note that Andy is patriotic.
12941 3 23 Beach Games 2227 Michael Andy Bernard. Pros: He's classy. He gets me. He went to Cornell. I trust him. Cons: I don't really trust him.
12942 3 23 Beach Games 2228 Michael It is time for the great spoon and egg race. This one is with a little twist.
12943 3 23 Beach Games 2228 Stanley There's already a twist, you're carrying an egg on a spoon.
12944 3 23 Beach Games 2228 Michael Shh... The person carrying the egg will be blindfolded. Please put on your blindfolds. That person carrying the egg will go down, circle a torch, come back, deposit their egg in the pail. First team back is the winner. Alright. Ready? Set. Go!
12945 3 23 Beach Games 2228 Oscar Come on Phyllis, you can do it. Ahh...
12946 3 23 Beach Games 2228 Stanley Thank you so much.
12947 3 23 Beach Games 2228 Andy Phyllis is out. Yes! Follow my voice. Follow my voice. Yeah, keep it moving. Keep it moving. Right this way. Looking good.
12948 3 23 Beach Games 2228 Kelly I don't want to hit the big rock!
12949 3 23 Beach Games 2228 Andy Don't worry. You're not...
12950 3 23 Beach Games 2228 Kelly I know I'm near the big rock. I just know it.
12951 3 23 Beach Games 2228 Andy No where near the big rock.
12952 3 23 Beach Games 2228 Kelly I just don't want to get hit by it...
12953 3 23 Beach Games 2228 Andy What're you doing? No! See, now we're disqualified.
12954 3 23 Beach Games 2229 Andy I am okay if I lose every single contest today. Honestly. Because I see these contests as an opportunity for me to demonstrate what a good sport I am. Mallard!
12955 3 23 Beach Games 2230 Jim Woah, stop, stop, stop. There's a hole. Step over the hole.
12956 3 23 Beach Games 2230 Karen Hole?
12957 3 23 Beach Games 2230 Jim Yup. Perfect, oooh, just made it. OK, turn left.
12958 3 23 Beach Games 2231 Dwight Come on! Come on! Andale! Arriba! Arriba!
12959 3 23 Beach Games 2231 Ryan Can you just stop this right now, or I'm not gonna do this anymore.
12960 3 23 Beach Games 2231 Dwight What are you saying?
12961 3 23 Beach Games 2231 Ryan You have to stop yelling at me or I'm not gonna do the egg race.
12962 3 23 Beach Games 2231 Dwight OK, I apologize for yelling at you.
12963 3 23 Beach Games 2231 Ryan That's what being a good captain is about. It's about listening to the members of your team.
12964 3 23 Beach Games 2231 Dwight I am trying to bring team spirit.
12965 3 23 Beach Games 2232 Jim Woah, stop, another hole. Take a big step. Yes!
12966 3 23 Beach Games 2232 Karen Oh my God! You ass!
12967 3 23 Beach Games 2233 Pam There's nothing better than a beautiful day at the beach, filled with sun, surf, and uh... diligent note-taking.
12968 3 23 Beach Games 2233 Michael Pam...you're missing things.
12969 3 23 Beach Games 2234 Dwight Let's go! Let's go! Come on! Mush! Mush! Come on you b*st*rd! What the? Damn it temp!
12970 3 23 Beach Games 2234 Andy Great job everyone, that was fantastic.
12971 3 23 Beach Games 2235 Michael Okay Pam, I have another little project for you.
12972 3 23 Beach Games 2235 Pam Does it have to do with these shopping bags filled with hot dogs?
12973 3 23 Beach Games 2235 Michael Smart as a whip! Yes! These are pre-cooked, so it's not absolutely necessary, but I would appreciate it if you could heat up 800 hot dogs for a little contest I'm going to be having. I would greatly appreciate it.
12974 3 23 Beach Games 2235 Pam When's the contest?
12975 3 23 Beach Games 2235 Michael Like umm... ten minutes?
12976 3 23 Beach Games 2235 Pam How am I supposed to... get...
12977 3 23 Beach Games 2235 Michael Thanks a bunch.
12978 3 23 Beach Games 2236 Michael A good manager has got to be hungry. Hungry for success.
12979 3 23 Beach Games 2237 Michael OK, who's hungry No, no, no. Do not touch the food. Please. Not yet. That is our next event. A hot dog eating contest. For those of you who are curious, the world record is 54 and one half hot dogs. Wow! And you know what? I personally have cooked up enough so each and every one of you could break that record. So shoot for the stars, OK? Alright, the team that eats the most hot dogs in ten minutes will be declared the winner. On you mark. Get set.
12980 3 23 Beach Games 2237 Kelly Can I have a turkey burger?
12981 3 23 Beach Games 2237 Michael No, I have the only one. I claimed it. Ready?
12982 3 23 Beach Games 2237 Oscar Turkey is a healthy meat.
12983 3 23 Beach Games 2237 Dwight It's very good for you.
12984 3 23 Beach Games 2237 Michael Guys, guys, guys. Come on! Pleeeeease... Let's just... OK, it's very important that you all try to eat as many hot dogs as you can. On your mark. Get set. Eat!
12985 3 23 Beach Games 2237 Phyllis Is there any mustard?
12986 3 23 Beach Games 2237 Michael No mustard, no mustard. Just eat it, eat it, Phyllis. Dip it in the water so it'll slide down your gullet more easily.
12987 3 23 Beach Games 2237 Michael Come on, the winner gets a big, big prize.
12988 3 23 Beach Games 2237 Meredith What is it?
12989 3 23 Beach Games 2237 Michael I can't say.
12990 3 23 Beach Games 2237 Jim You can't say, or you can't pronounce it?
12991 3 23 Beach Games 2237 Michael The winner gets a regional manager's salary for a year, and a Sebring, and the feeling that they are making a difference in the world.
12992 3 23 Beach Games 2237 Kelly Can we just take those first two things?
12993 3 23 Beach Games 2237 Michael The winner of today gets my job. Ok? I'm interviewing for a job at corporate. And they're only interviewing a handful of people and I'm the most qualified and I'll probably get it. Alright?
12994 3 23 Beach Games 2237 Dwight You're leaving?
12995 3 23 Beach Games 2237 Michael I didn't want to tell anyway. I didn't want to cast a pall over our fun beach day. But you know what? I don't know who to recommend because frankly nobody is stepping up.
12996 3 23 Beach Games 2237 Andy I am so hungry!
12997 3 23 Beach Games 2237 Stanley Do you expect me to believe that you're truly making your recommendations on this basis?
12998 3 23 Beach Games 2237 Michael Word. There we go. Let's see it.
12999 3 23 Beach Games 2238 Stanley I would rather work for an upturned broom with a bucket for a head than work for somebody else in this office besides myself. Game on!
13000 3 23 Beach Games 2239 Michael Four. Three. Two. One. Stop your eating! And the winner is Andy Bernard, with 14 hot dogs!
13001 3 23 Beach Games 2239 Kelly Team U.S.A.!
13002 3 23 Beach Games 2239 Andy One came up.
13003 3 23 Beach Games 2239 Michael 13 hot dogs, everybody!
13004 3 23 Beach Games 2239 Dwight Damn it!
13005 3 23 Beach Games 2240 Creed Nobody told me we were going to have hot dogs!
13006 3 23 Beach Games 2241 Dwight Sabotage.
13007 3 23 Beach Games 2241 Angela What? What are you saying? Did you say sandwich?
13008 3 23 Beach Games 2241 Dwight No. I was saying that before. Not now. Now I am saying sabotage. The ancient Dutch art of screwing up your own team.
13009 3 23 Beach Games 2241 Angela I knew you were saying sabotage. I was giving you an example of it. I will misunderstand everything that Andy says until he goes insane.
13010 3 23 Beach Games 2241 Dwight If Michael organizes some kind of group hug, stand next to me.
13011 3 23 Beach Games 2242 Michael It's very simple. There are only three rules. You must not touch the ground. You must not step outside of the ring. And you must always wear the safety mittens.
13012 3 23 Beach Games 2242 Stanley Uh, we don't have any safety mittens
13013 3 23 Beach Games 2242 Michael Probably left them in the trunk of my car. It's alright. It's alright. Here we go.
13014 3 23 Beach Games 2242 Karen Get 'em big boy!
13015 3 23 Beach Games 2242 Michael Aaaaaand, go!
13016 3 23 Beach Games 2242 Karen C'mon, Jim!
13017 3 23 Beach Games 2242 Jim What are you doing?
13018 3 23 Beach Games 2242 Michael Nice, Stanley!
13019 3 23 Beach Games 2242 Stanley Sorry about that. It's all about taking points away from Dwight.
13020 3 23 Beach Games 2242 Jim Yeah. No. Good.
13021 3 23 Beach Games 2243 Jim Oh, my God. I have never seen that look in a man's eyes... ever. I thought that I might die. On beach day.
13022 3 23 Beach Games 2244 Oscar If either of these guys are put in charge of the office I will transfer to Albany. Gil can come if he wants. I'm kinda looking for a way out of that relationship anyway. I think I might try girls for a while. Angela thinks I can cross over. We'll see.
13023 3 23 Beach Games 2245 Dwight Gaaaaa....
13024 3 23 Beach Games 2245 Michael One. Two. Three.
13025 3 23 Beach Games 2245 Dwight Yaaaaa! Yaaaaa!
13026 3 23 Beach Games 2245 Michael Excellent!
13027 3 23 Beach Games 2245 Dwight Gryffindor! Gryffindor!
13028 3 23 Beach Games 2246 Andy I didn't win. But the only reason I didn't win is because I recently learned that it's better to work thing out with words.
13029 3 23 Beach Games 2246 Dwight That's not why you lost.
13030 3 23 Beach Games 2246 Andy Yeah it is. I totally could have kicked your butt so bad.
13031 3 23 Beach Games 2246 Dwight Yeah, right.
13032 3 23 Beach Games 2246 Andy Yeah, right, c'mon! C'mon!
13033 3 23 Beach Games 2246 Dwight Aaaagh! Uggggh! How do you like that?
13034 3 23 Beach Games 2247 Andy Oh, God! Waaa! Guhh! Wuuuh! Help! Angela! Angela, hey! Oh, thank God! Please tell somebody!
13035 3 23 Beach Games 2247 Angela What, Andy? Andy, what should I tell them?
13036 3 23 Beach Games 2247 Andy Go tell them I'm floating away, obviously!
13037 3 23 Beach Games 2247 Angela I don't understand what you want from me.
13038 3 23 Beach Games 2247 Andy Angela, it's pretty simple! Look at what I'm doing and go tell somebody about it!
13039 3 23 Beach Games 2247 Angela Sorry! Bye, Andy!
13040 3 23 Beach Games 2247 Andy Angela!
13041 3 23 Beach Games 2248 Michael I knew that finding a successor would be difficult. I did not know that it would be impossible. Thus far the candidates have been wildly disappointing. Uh, Jim is not taking it seriously. Uh, Stanley is having a stroke. And Andy, where is he? Where the hell is Andy? Where is he, Pam? Do you know? Ah... who's ahead in points?
13042 3 23 Beach Games 2248 Pam I think they're even. At various times you gave Jim ten points, Dwight a gold star, and Stanley a thumbs up. And I don't really know how to compare those units.
13043 3 23 Beach Games 2248 Michael Check to see if there is a conversion chart in that notebook.
13044 3 23 Beach Games 2248 Pam I really doubt it, Michael.
13045 3 23 Beach Games 2248 Michael Please just check.
13046 3 23 Beach Games 2249 Jim Great. Yeah, I'll see you next week. Thank you, and here is Karen Filipelli. Bye.
13047 3 23 Beach Games 2249 Karen Hello? Yeah, hi David. Yes, I would like to be considered for the corporate position in well.
13048 3 23 Beach Games 2249 Jim In well?
13049 3 23 Beach Games 2249 Karen As well.
13050 3 23 Beach Games 2249 Jim How would that work in well? I just want to know.
13051 3 23 Beach Games 2249 Karen Yes. uh, huh.
13052 3 23 Beach Games 2249 Jim Wait a minute.
13053 3 23 Beach Games 2249 Karen That would be fine.
13054 3 23 Beach Games 2249 Jim If this job is in a well, I don't want it.
13055 3 23 Beach Games 2249 Karen Cut it out!
13056 3 23 Beach Games 2249 Jim I don't!
13057 3 23 Beach Games 2250 Michael What does a great manager need most of all? Courage.
13058 3 23 Beach Games 2250 Stanley How so? I mean... sure thing, that sounds smart... I can't do this anymore! I'm goin' to sit in the bus.
13059 3 23 Beach Games 2250 Michael Your loss, Stanley. Meanwhile the rest of us will have a super fun time defeating our fear and creating a lasting memory. Walking through FIRE!
13060 3 23 Beach Games 2251 Michael Who among you has the guts to replace me? Let him walk across these coals.
13061 3 23 Beach Games 2251 Kevin Are you going to try it?
13062 3 23 Beach Games 2251 Angela I'm not going to talk through the fire after your disgusting feet have gone through.
13063 3 23 Beach Games 2251 Kevin Angela, it is a million degrees.
13064 3 23 Beach Games 2251 Pam I'm gonna do it. And I fully expect to burn my feet and go to the hospital. That's the right spirit when doing a coal walk, right?
13065 3 23 Beach Games 2251 Michael No. No, not you, Pam. You have to keep score.
13066 3 23 Beach Games 2251 Pam I'd like to try it.
13067 3 23 Beach Games 2251 Michael Pointless.
13068 3 23 Beach Games 2251 Pam But I'm not kidding. I really want to do it.
13069 3 23 Beach Games 2251 Michael Blah, blah, blee blup, blup, okay? This is about guts. It takes guts to be a regional manager. Jim, you're up.
13070 3 23 Beach Games 2251 Jim Nope.
13071 3 23 Beach Games 2251 Michael Ji.. why not? C'mon.
13072 3 23 Beach Games 2251 Jim Oh, 'cause I don't want my feet to get burned.
13073 3 23 Beach Games 2251 Michael You do not have what it takes to be a regional manager.
13074 3 23 Beach Games 2251 Jim That's harsh.
13075 3 23 Beach Games 2251 Michael Who's next? Andy? Where's Andy? Andy is never here today.
13076 3 23 Beach Games 2252 Andy Hello? Who's there? My name is Andrew Bernard, I was with a group called Dunder Mifflin. Hello?
13077 3 23 Beach Games 2253 Kevin Why don't you go Michael?
13078 3 23 Beach Games 2253 Michael Because I already did. Remember? I burned my foot on a George Foreman grill.
13079 3 23 Beach Games 2253 Jim And that is not the same at all. If you're going to ask other people to do it, you should do it yourself.
13080 3 23 Beach Games 2253 Michael Alright. Okay. Alright. Fine. 'kay. The mind has to wrap around the foot. Okay.
13081 3 23 Beach Games 2253 Pam Do you want us to count to three?
13082 3 23 Beach Games 2253 Michael Yes. Count to three, please.
13083 3 23 Beach Games 2253 Group Three. Two. One.
13084 3 23 Beach Games 2253 Michael Count the other way. Count... no, no, count one, two, three, not three, two, one.
13085 3 23 Beach Games 2253 Group One. Two. Three! Go! Do it! Go, Michael.
13086 3 23 Beach Games 2253 Michael Wait! Am I going on go? Or am I going on three?
13087 3 23 Beach Games 2253 Creed On the go that's after three.
13088 3 23 Beach Games 2253 Michael Okay.
13089 3 23 Beach Games 2253 Group One, two, three, go!
13090 3 23 Beach Games 2253 Dwight No! It's okay. I will do this Michael.
13091 3 23 Beach Games 2253 Michael Don't, don't.
13092 3 23 Beach Games 2253 Dwight I will walk and stand on these coals until you award me the position of regional manager!
13093 3 23 Beach Games 2253 Group Wow. Go, Dwight. Keep moving.
13094 3 23 Beach Games 2253 Dwight GIVE ME THE JOB! GIVE ME THE JOB!
13095 3 23 Beach Games 2253 Michael I'm not going to give it to you.
13096 3 23 Beach Games 2253 Dwight Aaagh, aaagh!
13097 3 23 Beach Games 2253 Pam Michael, do something!
13098 3 23 Beach Games 2253 Dwight Aggggh, that stings!
13099 3 23 Beach Games 2254 Michael Being the boss is also about image. I've never looked like that. That was gross. I just, I don't see the connection between a firewalk and management. Worst seventy-five bucks I ever spent. You know what, if I had to pick my replacement based on today, it would be Mr. "Outside Hire."
13100 3 23 Beach Games 2254 Angela Or Mrs. "Outside Hire."
13101 3 23 Beach Games 2254 Michael Yeah. Ummm, hmm... True. Look, I don't want to leave this branch that I love to an outside hire therefore we are going to have a one hundred point winner take all sudden death tribal council round. To test the aspect of my job that I think is the most important, something I call the Bob Hope factor.
13102 3 23 Beach Games 2254 Kelly Who's Bob Hope?
13103 3 23 Beach Games 2254 Michael God! He's a comedian.
13104 3 23 Beach Games 2254 Kelly Oh, like Amanda Bynes.
13105 3 23 Beach Games 2254 Michael Who's Amanda Bynes?
13106 3 23 Beach Games 2254 Kelly She's from "What a Girl Wants."
13107 3 23 Beach Games 2254 Michael Oh, I love that movie. Yes, Kelly is right, the person to replace me has to have a great sense of humor and they have to possess the leadership qualities of a Bynes or a Hope. So without further ado, Jim and Dwight show us what you got.
13108 3 23 Beach Games 2254 Jim Hey, I know what you're looking for, but um, I got to be honest, I really don't think I should be considered as your replacement.
13109 3 23 Beach Games 2254 Michael You are being too modest.
13110 3 23 Beach Games 2254 Jim Michael, on Thursday I'm going to drive down and interview with David for the open position in New York.
13111 3 23 Beach Games 2254 Michael Hhhh... okay. That is not funny. I am deducting sixty points from Voldemort for false pretenses. Okay, Dwight your turn. Wow us.
13112 3 23 Beach Games 2254 Dwight The Aristocrats. A man and his wife and his children go into the offices of a talent agency. And the talent agent says, "Describe your act." And the man says something really, really raunchy and the talent representative says, "What do you call yourselves?" And the man says, "The Aristocrats!"
13113 3 23 Beach Games 2255 Pam Oooh, uh hah, ooh! Wha-hoo! Ahhhh...
13114 3 23 Beach Games 2256 Dwight I mean truly repulsive acts.
13115 3 23 Beach Games 2256 Michael That is a very, very funny story.
13116 3 23 Beach Games 2256 Pam Hey! I want to say something. I've been trying to be more honest lately and I just need to say a few things. I did the coal walk! Just, I did it! Michael, you couldn't even do that. Maybe I should be your boss? Wow, I feel really good right now. Why didn't any of you come to my art show? I invited all of you. That really sucked. It's like sometimes some of you act like I don't even exist. Jim, I called off my wedding because of you. And now we're not even friends. And things are just like weird between us, and that sucks. And I miss you. You were my best friend before you went to Stamford, and I really miss you. I shouldn't have been with Roy. And there were a lot of reasons to call off my wedding. But the truth is, I didn't care about any of those reasons until I met you. And now you're with someone else. And that's... fine. It's... whatever. That's not what... I'm not... Okay, my feet really hurt. The thing that I'm just trying to say to you, Jim... and to everyone else in this circle I guess, is that I miss having fun with you. Just you, not everyone in the circle. Okay, I am going to go walk in the water now. Yeah. It's a good day.
13117 3 23 Beach Games 2256 Michael Pam, that was amazing. But I am still looking for someone with a sales background.
13118 3 23 Beach Games 2257 Group Flintstones, meet the Flintstones. They're a modern stone-age family. Ba-ba-da-da-da. From the town of Bedrock, they're a page right out of history. Ba-da-da-da-da. When you're with the Flintstones, have a yabba-dabba-doo time, a dabba-doo time, we'll have a gay old time!
13119 3 23 Beach Games 2257 Michael WWWWIIIILLLLMMMMAAAA!
13120 3 23 Beach Games 2257 Andy Nice!
13121 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2258 Michael David!
13122 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2258 David Oh, Michael?
13123 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2258 Michael Are we all set?
13124 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2258 David Isn't our interview tomorrow?
13125 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2258 Michael Yes. I just happened to be in the neighborhood, thought I'd drop in and say hello.
13126 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2258 David You happened to be in mid-town Mahattan?
13127 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2258 Michael Thought I'd catch a show.
13128 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2258 David In the middle of a work day?
13129 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2258 Michael Naaah. You know what? Since I'm here, let me ask you a few questions about the job.
13130 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2258 David Okay.
13131 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2258 Michael Um, how many people are you interviewing?
13132 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2258 David We're only interviewing the branch managers and some other upper level company people.
13133 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2258 Michael Ah, well, good. Out of curiosity are you interviewing anyone who has been here longer than I have, or manages more people?
13134 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2258 David I don't think so.
13135 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2258 Michael Great. One more... question. When you merged those branches who did you put in charge?
13136 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2258 David I believe we put you in charge.
13137 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2258 Michael Ah, great. No further questions.
13138 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2258 David Okay, Michael.
13139 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2258 Michael Okay.
13140 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2258 David I'm really looking forward to our interview.
13141 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2258 Michael And I'm really looking forward to working with you.
13142 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2259 Michael I got it made in the shade. I know this company. The other branch managers are total morons. Hey, Pam yeah, I forgot what day the interview was and I drove to New York accidentially. I'll be like three hours late.
13143 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2260 Kevin Hey.
13144 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2260 Jim Hey, Kev.
13145 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2260 Kevin What's different about you? You look worse.
13146 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2260 Jim Thank you.
13147 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2260 Meredith You got a haircut. It's sexy, hot.
13148 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2260 Jim Ohhh...
13149 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2260 Meredith Turn around.
13150 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2260 Jim No.
13151 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2260 Meredith Yes.
13152 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2260 Jim No way.
13153 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2260 Meredith Do it!
13154 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2260 Andy Blup-dup-do. What's up, Big Haircut? You are no longer Big Tuna. From henceforth, you shall be known as Big Haircut.
13155 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2260 Jim Andy...
13156 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2260 Andy What is it, Big Haircut?
13157 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2260 Jim Nothing.
13158 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2260 Andy Sorry, I can't hear you Big Haircut.
13159 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2260 Jim Yup.
13160 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2260 Andy What?
13161 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2261 Jim Karen suggested that I get a haircut for the interview tomorrow so that I could look presentable and not, as she so lovingly puts it, homeless.
13162 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2262 Pam Hey. I think it looks great.
13163 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2262 Jim Thanks, Pam.
13164 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2263 Pam After I had my little outburst at the beach, Jim was really nice about it. He just basically said that he missed my friendship too and I would always mean a lot to him and I understand where he's coming from. For the record, I am not embarassed at all. It needed to be said, and I said it, and it only took me three years to summons the courage, so thank you.
13165 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2264 Michael Yeah.
13166 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2264 Dwight You wanted to see me?
13167 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2264 Michael Yes, the time has come to name my own replacement. So please hand this letter of congratulations to Dwight K. Schrute.
13168 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2264 Dwight But that's my name. Dwight, congratuations a-wipe. Don't screw the pooch. Thank you.
13169 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2264 Michael Okay. Uh...
13170 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2264 Dwight Thank you, Michael.
13171 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2264 Michael Uh, okay.
13172 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2264 Dwight Thank you so much.
13173 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2264 Michael Stop crying.
13174 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2264 Dwight Thank you.
13175 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2264 Michael Ohhhhh...
13176 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2265 Pam Hey.
13177 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2265 Karen Hey.
13178 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2265 Pam Um, about the beach...
13179 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2265 Karen It's okay, we all say things without thinking.
13180 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2265 Pam Oh, no it's not that, I've actually been thinking that for a long time, and I'm glad I said it. I just... I'm sorry if it made you feel weird.
13181 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2265 Karen Oh. Okay.
13182 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2266 Karen Pam is... kind of a bitch.
13183 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2267 Karen Hey, what if we leave tonight? Grab a bite, get a hotel room, enjoy the city a little bit.
13184 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2267 Jim Ahhh... just have so much paperwork to do. Wow. Done. Okay, let's do it.
13185 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2268 Jim So I was wondering if Karen and I could get off a few hours early 'cause we want to spend the night in the city.
13186 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2268 Michael Why so you can do it?
13187 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2268 Jim Whoops.
13188 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2268 Michael No, um, well I was thinking that uh, actually we could all leave tomorrow and do a convoy you know? Convoys are really fun. Pull up next to each other, give each other the finger...
13189 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2268 Jim Hmmm.
13190 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2268 Karen Heh.
13191 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2268 Michael Moon each other.
13192 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2268 Jim Ah, we're gonna go tonight, but we're gonna see you there tomorrow morning, right?
13193 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2268 Michael All right.
13194 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2268 Jim All right.
13195 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2268 Michael Your loss.
13196 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2268 Karen Wait, how would you moon us if you were driving?
13197 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2268 Michael Cruise control.
13198 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2268 Karen Oh.
13199 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2269 Kevin So Jim, who do you think is hotter? Pam or Karen?
13200 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2269 Jim Yeah, I'm not going to talk about this now.
13201 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2269 Kevin Pam is taller.
13202 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2269 Jim You sure?
13203 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2269 Kevin Yes. She has bigger breasts, too.
13204 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2269 Jim Wow.
13205 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2269 Kevin I think Karen has a prettier face.
13206 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2269 Jim Uh, hmm. Uh, hmm. What else?
13207 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2269 Kevin Well I mean Pam's face is really pretty too. It's a very tough call.
13208 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2269 Jim Hm. Really tough call.
13209 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2269 Kevin Yeah.
13210 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2269 Jim You know what? Why don't you take the rest of the day, figure it out and then come back and tell me what you got.
13211 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2269 Kevin Will do.
13212 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2269 Jim All right.
13213 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2270 Oscar Hey, Pam I've been meaning to say something to you. I really miss our friendship.
13214 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2270 Pam Wow, very funny.
13215 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2270 Stanley I've never heard you talk that much. I thought it was Kelly.
13216 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2270 Kelly Are you kidding? I would have never done that. It was pathetic-ville. No offense, Pam.
13217 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2270 Meredith You know what? Don't even worry about it. Everyone was so drunk, I bet no one even remembers what you said.
13218 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2270 Creed I remember. I blogged the whole thing.
13219 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2271 Ryan Last year Creed asked me how to set up a blog. Wanting to protect the world from being exposed to Creed's brain I opened up a Word document on his computer and put an address at the top. I've read some of it. Even for the intranet it's... pretty shocking.
13220 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2272 Michael There they are, the Accounting Department. I shall miss your humility and your promptly printed checks.
13221 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2272 Kevin Do you think it's gonna to be weird working with Jan in New York?
13222 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2272 Michael No. Not at all. I haven't talked to Jan since we broke up, and I think if she had something to say she would have called me.
13223 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2272 Oscar Maybe you should talk to her? Before...
13224 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2272 Michael No, no, no. You know what? It's a done deal. I basically have the job already. There's nothing she can do to stop it now. I already sold my condo.
13225 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2272 Oscar Michael...
13226 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2272 Kevin What?
13227 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2272 Angela Why?
13228 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2272 Oscar I'm sorry, that just doesn't make sense.
13229 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2272 Michael Yes, I...
13230 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2272 Angela Wha? Who gave you that advice?
13231 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2272 Kevin Yeah, Michael you should never sell your condo...
13232 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2272 Michael I have to buy another place.
13233 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2272 Angela But you said you were in debt.
13234 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2272 Oscar You're not sure that you have the job.
13235 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2272 Michael I sold it on eBay. The buyer was very motivated, as was I. It went for eighty percent of what I paid. Sold in record time.
13236 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2273 Dwight How would you like to spend the night with the Regional Manager of Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton?
13237 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2273 Angela No Dwight, I don't care if that is how they consolidated power in ancient Rome.
13238 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2273 Dwight No, no, not Michael. Me. I'm taking his job.
13239 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2273 Angela Not now. Goodbye, Kelly Kapoor.
13240 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2274 Dwight Jim, Jim, Jim. Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim.
13241 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2274 Jim Oh hey, Dwight.
13242 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2274 Dwight I am gonna be your new boss. It's my greatest dream come true. Welcome to the Hotel Hell. Check in time is now. Check out time is never.
13243 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2274 Jim Does my room have cable?
13244 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2274 Dwight No. And the sheets are made of fire.
13245 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2274 Jim Can I change rooms?
13246 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2274 Dwight Sorry, we're all booked up. Hell convention in town.
13247 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2274 Jim Can I have a late checkout?
13248 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2274 Dwight I'll have to talk to the manager.
13249 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2274 Jim You're not the manager even in your own fantasy?
13250 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2274 Dwight I'm the owner. The co-owner. With Satan!
13251 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2274 Jim Okay, just so I understand it, in your wildest fantasy you are in Hell and you are co-running a bed and breakfast with the devil?
13252 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2274 Dwight Yeah, but I haven't told you my salary yet.
13253 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2274 Jim Go.
13254 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2274 Dwight Eighty thousand dollars a year.
13255 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2275 Dwight Once I'm officially Regional Manager my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. So I will need a new number two. My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable. Fictional. And overqualified.
13256 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2276 Andy I will see you at the inter-view.
13257 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2276 Dwight Yes you will.
13258 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2277 Michael Who is D. Abramson?
13259 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2277 Pam He's from that company in Pitts...
13260 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2277 Jan Michael.
13261 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2277 Michael Why... are you here?
13262 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2277 Jan Uh, how are you?
13263 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2277 Michael I'm good. How are you, Janet? It's good to see you.
13264 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2277 Jan I'm great. Uh, can we, can we talk... privately... for a minute?
13265 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2277 Michael Why privately?
13266 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2277 Jan I just, I uh... I don't uh... I, I don't, I don't like the way that we left things.
13267 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2277 Michael Okay, sure, fine. Um, why don't you wait in my office. I have some important business matters to take care of.
13268 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2277 Jan Okay.
13269 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2277 Michael Okay.
13270 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2278 Michael Pam, Defcon ten. Houston, we have a problem.
13271 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2278 Pam What do you want me to do?
13272 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2278 Michael Uh, I may need some immediate assistance. If you would slowly and quietly gather the ladies in the conference room. Phyllis, Angela, Karen.
13273 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2278 Pam What about Meredith?
13274 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2278 Michael No. She's an alternate.
13275 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2279 Michael So, how you been?
13276 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2279 Jan Been good.
13277 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2279 Michael Good.
13278 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2279 Jan Good.
13279 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2279 Michael Yeah.
13280 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2279 Jan Sorry to drop by unexpectedly. I uh, I tried calling, but I kept getting voice mail.
13281 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2279 Michael Weird. Yeah, I didn't get both of your messages.
13282 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2280 Pam So, um, Michael needs us in the conference room.
13283 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2280 Karen 'Cause of Jan again?
13284 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2280 Karen Hey, uh, before I leave tonight, would you mind making a half a dozen copies of Jim's and my sales reports for our interviews tomorrow?
13285 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2280 Pam Uh, sure.
13286 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2280 Karen Thanks.
13287 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2280 Pam I really hope you get the job.
13288 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2280 Karen Thanks.
13289 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2281 Jan After you ended... everything with us, I went on a vacation.
13290 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2281 Michael Hmm.
13291 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2281 Jan To kinda clear my mind.
13292 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2281 Michael Sound good. Sounds fun.
13293 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2281 Jan It was. Yeah, it was good. I think I'll just get right to the point, you know? Um, I, I feel good about myself for the first time in a really long time.
13294 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2281 Michael Hmm..
13295 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2281 Jan I've made some big changes in my life and... I miss you. I want us to get back together.
13296 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2281 Michael Would you excuse me for a second?
13297 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2281 Jan Ohh...
13298 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2282 Michael Defcon twenty. She wants to get back together.
13299 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2282 Phyllis What are you gonna do?
13300 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2282 Michael I don't know, that's why you're here, help me. Please...
13301 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2282 Karen Do you want to get back together with her?
13302 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2282 Michael No, no. What do I do?
13303 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2282 Pam Just don't get back together with her.
13304 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2282 Michael What if she makes me?
13305 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2282 Angela How can she make you get back together with her?
13306 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2282 Michael She made me do a lot of things I didn't wanna do.
13307 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2282 Pam This was a terrible relationship. You were not happy when you were with her.
13308 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2282 Michael I wasn't.
13309 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2282 Pam You're so much happier now. Just go in there and be strong.
13310 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2282 Michael You're right. You're absolutely right. I'm gonna go in there and tell her that we can't be together.
13311 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2282 Pam Right.
13312 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2282 Michael Wow.
13313 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2282 Karen Do it.
13314 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2282 Michael I'm in a very good place right now. Thank you.
13315 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2283 Michael Okay. Jan, we need to talk.
13316 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2284 Michael Jan is in a different place right now, and it is a sign of maturity to give people second chances. So I am going to hear her out.
13317 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2285 Jim Yeah, bigger actually.
13318 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2285 Pam That's crazy!
13319 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2285 Jim Mm-hm.
13320 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2285 Pam Wow!
13321 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2285 Karen Oh my God. Can you believe that?
13322 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2285 Jim Unbelievable.
13323 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2285 Karen Wow!
13324 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2285 Jim She could put the cup right there.
13325 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2285 Karen I know!
13326 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2286 Meredith I would never do that. Waste of money. In my experience, guys are way more attracted to the back of you than the front.
13327 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2287 Kevin I love fake boobs. Often times, you find them on strippers.
13328 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2288 Creed I find it offensive. Au natural, baby. That's how I like 'em. Swing low, sweet chariots.
13329 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2289 Jan So... there are a lot of things that I would like to do differently.
13330 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2289 Michael Yeah.
13331 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2289 Jan I feel like, when we first got together, that I had a problem with my priorities.
13332 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2289 Michael First got priorities.
13333 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2289 Jan And if we could talk about a way to approach a possible reconciliation...
13334 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2289 Michael Let's get back together.
13335 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2290 Dwight Okay, everyone, listen up! Time to begin the interview process! Andrew Bernard.
13336 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2290 Andy Saving the best for first!
13337 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2290 Karen All right, you guys. See you later, wish us luck!
13338 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2290 Dwight No! Hey, hey, hey, hey! Do not wish them luck. Do not wish them luck. All luck must be wished unto Michael.
13339 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2290 Oscar Good luck, you guys!
13340 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2290 Dwight What did I say!?
13341 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2290 Pam Good luck.
13342 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2290 Jim Thanks.
13343 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2291 Pam I'm happy for him. I hope he gets the job. I really just want him to be happy. And I know that sounds cliche. And I know saying it sounds cliche, sounds cliche... Maybe I'm being cliche. I don't care. Cause I am what I am. That's Popeye.
13344 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2292 Dwight I am going to begin this process with a simple test of intelligence and mental dexterity. What is the best color?
13345 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2292 Andy White, because it contains all other colors.
13346 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2292 Dwight Wrong. Black. It is the most dominant. How do you make a table?
13347 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2292 Andy You make a chair, but you don't sit on it.
13348 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2292 Dwight What is the capital of Maine?
13349 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2292 Andy The capital of Maine is Montpelier, Vermont, which is near Ithaca, New York, where I went to Cornell.
13350 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2292 Dwight Okay, also, moratorium on Cornell talk. Don't wanna hear about it. Forget your personal history, and learn the history of this company.
13351 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2292 Andy Should not be a problem. I minored in history in the Ivy League school which I attended.
13352 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2292 Dwight You're not off to a very good start, Bernard.
13353 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2292 Andy I agree. But in another way, I am off to a very good start, wouldn't you say?
13354 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2293 Andy I am a great interviewee. Why? Because I have something no one else has: my brain. Which I use to my advantage, when advantageous.
13355 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2294 Dwight Time! No, you failed.
13356 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2294 Andy Damn it!
13357 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2294 Dwight This interview is over. I'll let you know.
13358 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2295 Karen Hey, thank you so much for driving me down for my interview.
13359 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2295 Jim Totally, no problem. What are you interviewing for, by the way, my assistant? Or...
13360 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2295 Karen Oh, you know I'm gonna have a congratulations Karen party um, tomorrow night at my friend's house.
13361 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2295 Jim Oh wow, that sounds like fun. Is your friend named Karen too? What did she accomplish?
13362 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2295 Karen No, I'm sorry I should have been clearer. It's for me.
13363 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2295 Jim Oh...
13364 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2295 Karen 'Cause I'm going to get the job.
13365 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2296 Michael Remarkable.
13366 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2296 Jan Thanks.
13367 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2296 Michael Wait, wait. Check one more time.
13368 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2296 Jan Oh, okay.
13369 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2296 Michael Very good
13370 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2296 Jan Well, I um, I have to get back, but I will see you in New York tomorrow, right?
13371 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2296 Michael Yes, indeed.
13372 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2296 Jan Good luck with your interview. Bye.
13373 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2297 Michael So, I guess we're getting back together.
13374 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2297 Pam What happened?
13375 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2297 Michael Your advice was good, but Jan's was bigger.
13376 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2298 Michael Here's the sitch. Two weeks ago, I was in the worst relationship of my life. She treated me poorly. We didn't connect, I was miserable. Now, I'm in the best relationship of my life with the same woman. Love is a mystery.
13377 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2299 Karen So we have all night. Where do you want to go first?
13378 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2299 Jim Oh, I dunno, how about the U.N.?
13379 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2299 Karen How often do you come here?
13380 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2299 Jim Um, everytime my sixth grade class has a field trip.
13381 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2299 Karen I think you'll really enjoy this, adult Jim.
13382 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2300 Michael Hey, everybody. The next time you see me, I'll be working for corporate. Starting tomorrow, Dwight Schrute will be running the branch. So without further ado, I would like to start saying my goodbyes Okay. Goodnight, and good luck.
13383 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2301 Dwight Who's ready to work?
13384 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2302 Jim Yeah, we went to the Spotted Pig for dinner. It's in the Village. Uh, Karen knew it. And then we second acted Spamalot. That's when you sneak in at intermission with all the smokers. And then we went to a bar that used to be a church. Oh and at this one bar, I swear I saw Lorne Michaels.
13385 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2302 Karen That wasn't him.
13386 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2303 Karen So what's going to happen to us when I get this job?
13387 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2303 Jim Oh do you mean when I get the job?
13388 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2303 Jim You mean Kevin?
13389 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2303 Karen Exactly. But you get it, right? Can't stay there.
13390 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2303 Jim Yeah, I do. C'mon.
13391 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2304 Michael How are you guys doing? Need anything?
13392 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2304 Karen Uh, no, we're good. Thanks.
13393 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2304 Michael I have been here a bunch of times, so I know where everything is, know everybody's names. If you need to know somebody's name, just ask me.
13394 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2304 Jim Who's that?
13395 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2304 Jim Beardy?
13396 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2304 Michael Mm-hmm.
13397 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2304 Jim I'm gonna introduce myself.
13398 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2304 Michael No, no, no, just... that's not his real name. That's just what I call him, so...
13399 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2305 Michael I am by far the most qualified person they're interviewing. Jim and Karen are here, which is cute. They're like, kid actors tagging along with daddy, on the big audition, hoping to be discovered. Except daddy... is the best actor around. Daddy is Meryl Streep.
13400 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2306 Dwight Michael is gone.
13401 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2306 Andy Hail to the chief!
13402 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2306 Dwight My first order of business: make Andrew Bernard my number two.
13403 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2306 Andy My first order of business: accept.
13404 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2306 Dwight As if you had a choice. Duh. Opportunity of a lifetime.
13405 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2307 Andy Three months ago, I was nowhere. I was just a Cornell grad, in anger management. Look where I am now. Not bad.
13406 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2308 Michael Hey! Hunter! Wha's up my brutha? This is Hunter, secretary extraordinaire.
13407 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2308 Hunter Uh, administrative assistant.
13408 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2308 Michael Jan in yet?
13409 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2308 Hunter I think she's comin' in... later.
13410 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2308 Michael Could you give her a message for me, when she gets in?
13411 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2308 Hunter Sure.
13412 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2308 Michael Just say, "I want to squeeze them." It's code. She'll know what it means.
13413 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2308 Hunter Okay.
13414 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2308 Michael Oh, and Hunter? Could you tell her, "Brbrbrbrbr!" also?
13415 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2309 Dwight You showed great leadership potential at the coal walk. Even if you did follow it with that embarrassing personal confession.
13416 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2309 Pam Thank you.
13417 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2309 Dwight I had to make Andy my number two. It's political, complicated, you wouldn't understand. I want you... to be Assistant Regional Manager.
13418 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2309 Pam Really?
13419 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2309 Dwight Well, in a sense. Although, publicly I am going to retain the Assistant Regional Manager position.
13420 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2309 Pam You will be your own assistant.
13421 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2309 Dwight Correct, I need someone I can trust. But I would also like the title... to be secretly applied to you. Just stripped of its pomp and frills.
13422 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2309 Pam Mm-hmm.
13423 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2309 Dwight Do you accept?
13424 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2309 Pam Absolutely, I do.
13425 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2310 Pam I learned from Jim, if Dwight ever asks you to accept something secret... you reply, "Absolutely, I do."
13426 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2311 Michael Hello, hello!
13427 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2311 David Michael, good to see you!
13428 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2311 Michael Good to see you. Here are the post-merger performance stats that you asked for.
13429 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2311 David Oh, great. I've been meaning to thank you by the way. You didn't lose a single customer during the merger, and you still managed to trim the budget? That is nice work. So, let me ask you a question right off the bat. What do you think are your greatest strengths as a manager?
13430 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2311 Michael Why don't I tell you what my greatest weaknesses are? I work too hard. I care too much. And sometimes I can be too invested in my job.
13431 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2311 David Okay. And your strengths?
13432 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2311 Michael Well, my weaknesses are actually... strengths.
13433 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2311 David Oh. Yes. Very good.
13434 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2311 Michael Thank you.
13435 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2311 David Very good.
13436 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2312 Phyllis Dwight is our new boss.
13437 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2312 Oscar Oh, Michael's not going anywhere.
13438 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2312 Pam Then who do you think will get the job?
13439 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2312 Kevin Karen. She looks corporate. Those little pants suits.
13440 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2312 Phyllis I think it's gonna be Michael.
13441 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2312 Oscar Do you really think he's qualified for that job?
13442 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2312 Phyllis No, but he wasn't qualified for the job he has now, and he got that one.
13443 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2312 Oscar Mm. Yeah.
13444 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2313 Dwight Listen up! Come to the center of the room, please. This... is a Schrute Buck. When you have done something good, you will receive one Schrute Buck. One thousand Schrute Bucks... equals an extra five minutes for lunch.
13445 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2313 Pam What is the cash value of a Schrute Buck?
13446 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2313 Dwight Excellent question, Pam. 1/100th of a cent.
13447 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2313 Dwight Just... zip your lid! Another announcement. Michael wasted an enormous amount of the group's time and patience with non-work related ethnic celebrations and parades of soft-minded dogoodedness. No longer. No more meetings!
13448 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2313 Stanley Amen.
13449 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2313 Dwight Instead, today I will begin my first lecture in a long series of lectures designed to increase your knowledge on the world of paper.
13450 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2313 Kevin Do we have to?
13451 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2313 Dwight Yes! Michael is gone. There's a new sheriff here in these offices, and his name is "me." Conference room! Ten seconds! All of you!
13452 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2314 Pam I literally cannot wait to see what Dwight has planned. And I wish Jim were here.
13453 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2315 David What do you think we could be doing better?
13454 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2315 Michael I've never been a big fan of the name Dunder Mifflin. I was thinking we could name the company something like, "Paper Great. Where great paper is our passion. We're GRRRRRRRRRREAT!" I don't know, could be good. Or, uh, "Super Duper Paper. It's super duper." I don't know, something like that.
13455 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2315 David Okay!
13456 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2315 Michael Okay.
13457 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2315 David Thanks for comin' in, Michael.
13458 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2315 Michael Thank you.
13459 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2315 David It is always a treat when our paths cross.
13460 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2315 David You're back together.
13461 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2315 Michael Yes. And I am very excited about the prospect of working under her... or on top of her. Mm, that's not sexual, just... we're all professionals.
13462 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2315 David Okay, uh. Well, I thought it was clear in the description, the position... the job you're applying for... is Jan's job.
13463 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2315 Michael I don't understand. So, we're gonna tag team it?
13464 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2315 David No, we're letting Jan go.
13465 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2316 Kevin Trees.
13466 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2316 Dwight Trees! And where do trees grow?
13467 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2316 Kevin Forest.
13468 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2316 Dwight Soil. Right. We have, in front of you here, seven different types of Pennsylvania top soil. Now, what would you say... is the most important element in the production of above ground leafy growth? Probably phosphorus, right? Wrong! It's nitrogen! Absorb this information. Good! Now, let us discuss precipitation. Stanley! When rainfall occurs, does it usually fall in a liquid, solid, or gaseous... state?
13469 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2316 Stanley Liquid.
13470 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2316 Dwight Very good! You have earned one Schrute Buck.
13471 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2316 Stanley I don't want it.
13472 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2316 Dwight Then you have been deducted 50 Schrute Bucks!
13473 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2316 Stanley Make it 100.
13474 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2316 Dwight We--- Don't you wanna earn Schrute Bucks?
13475 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2316 Stanley No. In fact, I'll give you a billion Stanley Nickels if you never talk to me again.
13476 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2316 Dwight What's the ratio of Stanley Nickels to Schrute Bucks?
13477 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2316 Stanley The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns.
13478 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2316 Dwight Okay---
13479 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2316 Andy That's it!
13480 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2316 Dwight What---
13481 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2316 Andy Class is canceled, everybody out!
13482 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2316 Dwight No wait, what are you doing?!
13483 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2316 Andy I'm punishing them.
13484 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2316 Dwight No, no, no, wait! Class is not canceled.
13485 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2316 Pam HEY! COME ON! Let's listen to Dwight's presentation!
13486 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2316 Oscar What--- What are you winking for?
13487 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2316 Dwight Zip your lid!
13488 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2317 Karen So, that's... my basic 5 year plan. And after that, who knows?
13489 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2317 David Okay. Uh, now, this may seem like an odd question, but...
13490 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2317 Karen Yeah?
13491 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2317 David ...what do you think about Michael Scott?
13492 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2317 Karen He's a very nice man. And he's very well suited for the job he has now.
13493 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2317 David This is off the record.
13494 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2317 Karen He would be disaster.
13495 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2318 Jan Hey you!
13496 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2318 Michael Hey.
13497 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2318 Jan How was your interview?
13498 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2318 Michael Pretty good.
13499 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2318 Jan Yeah?
13500 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2318 Michael Could have gone better I guess.
13501 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2318 Jan Oh. I'll put in a good word for you.
13502 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2318 Michael Cool. Maybe you should do it sooner rather than later.
13503 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2318 Jan What?
13504 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2318 Michael Daaah, let's just run away together. Let's just run away to Jamaica and live in a bungalow. You have some savings right? You could pay off my debts. It would... be fine. We'd have fun.
13505 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2318 Jan What's... what's the matter? What... what happened in there?
13506 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2318 Michael I can't tell you.
13507 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2318 Jan Tell me what?
13508 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2319 Jan You son of a bitch!
13509 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2319 David Jan, this isn't the time, we're in an interview---
13510 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2319 David Frankly, it's overdue. Your behavior in the last two years has been completely erratic.
13511 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2319 Jan Erratic?
13512 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2319 David Recently, you don't even show an interest in your work! You smoke constantly in your office. You spend most of the day online shopping. You disappear for hours at a time, sometimes days. Always saying you're visiting your sister in Scottsdale. You go to Scranton far more often than you used to---
13513 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2319 Jan Is it because of these?
13514 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2319 Michael Wuuuoooh, hey, whoa, Jan---
13515 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2319 Jan No, I wanna know. I wanna know! Because if it is, then, then, then I will see you in court!
13516 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2319 David It's not.
13517 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2319 Jan No?
13518 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2319 David It's not.
13519 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2319 Jan 'Cause he likes them. Okay? He likes them. And, and that is, that is all I care about.
13520 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2319 David The time has come for you to end your professional relationship with this company. You are clearly unstable.
13521 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2319 Jan Yeah!
13522 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2319 Michael No--- We're all unstable.
13523 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2319 Jan Okay, you know what? I'm just not leaving. I'm not leaving. Not leaving.
13524 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2319 Michael David, I did not tell her.
13525 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2320 Andy It's like staring into my soul, when I look at this wall.
13526 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2320 Dwight It's like outerspace without the stars, it's so black.
13527 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2320 Andy This is gonna look so awesome!
13528 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2320 Dwight It's so intimidating! Anyone who comes in here... is gonna have to take me seriously. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here!
13529 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2320 Andy Totally!
13530 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2321 Jan Bye Hunter.
13531 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2321 Hunter Bye.
13532 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2321 Jan Good luck with your band.
13533 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2321 Hunter Oh, thank---
13534 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2321 Jan Don't let them change you, okay? So long, .
13535 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2321 Michael So, I am gonna... give her a ride home. Let me know about the job.
13536 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2321 David Actually, Michael, I think we're gonna take it in another direction.
13537 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2321 Michael Good, I'm glad we're on the same page. I have a lot of ideas for new directions.
13538 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2321 David No, we're not giving you the job.
13539 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2321 Michael You know what? That... is actually good... because, um, I don't think I could take... my girlfriend's job. That's not being a good boyfriend. So, I respectfully withdraw my name from consideration. Do you accept my withdrawal?
13540 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2321 David I do.
13541 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2321 Michael Good. Very good. I'm glad we are finally on the same page. Still have my job in Scranton, though.
13542 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2321 David Yes.
13543 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2321 Michael Good. That's all I ever wanted. These two. Either one of them... excellent candidates.
13544 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2322 Karen Wow. That was some serious... hardcore... self destruction.
13545 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2322 Jim Yeah. Kinda feel bad for her though.
13546 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2322 Karen Don't! She's nuts!
13547 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2322 Jim Oh, man. You know what? This might take a while. You really don't have to stay, if you don't want.
13548 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2322 Karen Okay, good! Because, um, a bunch of my friends are meeting downtown for lunch. And, I was gonna meet them, so...
13549 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2322 Jim Okay.
13550 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2322 Karen Just call me when you're done.
13551 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2322 Jim Sure.
13552 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2322 Karen Good luck, Halpert.
13553 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2322 Jim Thank you.
13554 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2322 Receptionist Dunder Mifflin, this is Grace. Sure.
13555 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2323 Michael I know. I know, I'm sorry about that. That was terrible.
13556 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2323 Jan Oh, just... No, actually I think it's good, you know? It's fine, actually, I do. I really think it's great that it happened. Because, you know, my work has always been the thing that has gotten in the way of my happiness, so...
13557 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2323 Michael Well, it's... No, don't cry, it's gonna be OK.
13558 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2323 Jan Oh, I know, I know. It's just... I'm sorry. It's just these painkillers that I started taking since the surgery. Ohhh! They make my moods totally unpredictable! Wow! What am I gonna do?
13559 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2323 Michael I don't know. Well I guess... you could come and stay at my condo. I think I could back out of the sale. Probably get some negative feedback on my eBay profile.
13560 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2323 Jan Live together. Actually, wait a minute! This could be great! This could be perfect! You know, my full-time job could be our relationship. I could wear stretch pants and wait for you to come home at 5:15. It could work. This could work, really!
13561 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2324 Michael I'll be baaaaack! And I am baaaack!
13562 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2324 Pam How'd it go?
13563 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2324 Michael No. No, Pam. I'm baaaaaack! For gooood! Kevin Nealon.
13564 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2325 Michael Everybody, may I have your attention please? It is with great honor and privilege that I announce to you that I have officially withdrawn my name for consideration from the corporate job. I know, I know, I know. "Michael, what are you thinking? You were a shoe in." Well, got down there. I nailed the interview. And the strangest thing happened. Why is my office black?
13565 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2325 Dwight To intimidate my subordinates.
13566 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2325 Michael That's stupid.
13567 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2325 Dwight It was Andy's idea.
13568 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2325 Michael You shouldn't have taken it. Bad management! Good thing I'm baaaaaack. Ryan, coffee.
13569 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2325 Ryan I don't do that stuff anymore.
13570 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2325 Michael No, it's for me, bimbo. Kids.
13571 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2326 Michael So I'm back. And I am never, ever going to leave. I am going nowhere. This place... is like... the hospital where I was born, my house, my old age home, and my... graveyard... for my bones.
13572 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2326 Pam Did... Karen get the job?
13573 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2326 Michael Back to work. Still waitin' on that coffee.
13574 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2327 Dwight Pam, hello.
13575 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2327 Pam Dwight, hello.
13576 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2327 Dwight I wanted to thank you... for helping me, when you held the title, Secret Assistant to the Regional Manager. You served the office with great dignity.
13577 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2328 Pam No, I don't know what the future holds, but... I'm optimistic. And, uh, I had fun goofing around with Dwight today. Jim and I... are just... too similar. Maybe one day I'll find my own Karen. But--- you--- that is, a, um, you know, not--- A man. A man version. But, uh, until then... I can hold my head up. ... I'm not gay.
13578 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2329 David I don't know how I feel about hiring a Sixers fan.
13579 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2329 Jim I should leave.
13580 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2329 David Uh, let me ask you a question, Jim. You're clearly a very bright guy.
13581 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2329 Jim Thanks.
13582 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2329 David Always hit your numbers, personable, you make a great impression on everyone you meet---
13583 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2329 Jim I'm sorry, wait, so is the question "How'd I get to be so awesome?" Because, I don't have an answer for you.
13584 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2329 David Uh, oh, hey, do you have your quarterly numbers?
13585 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2329 Jim Yes, absolutely.
13586 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2329 David And that, uh, questionnaire. Sorry to make you fill that thing out...
13587 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2329 Jim Oh, no, absolutely.
13588 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2329 David ...that's a HR formality. We have this very irritating HR guy here, he's probably the only person you're not gonna like. Kendall. Ugh. So, first up...
13589 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2329 Jim There you go.
13590 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2329 David How do you think you function here in New York?
13591 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2329 Jim What's that? Oh, uh, great. You know? I just um, I really appreciate the buildings, and uh, the people, and um, there's just a energy... New York has, uh... Not to mention, they have places that are open past eight. So that's a... bonus.
13592 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2329 David You've been in the Scranton branch a long time. What have you liked most about that place?
13593 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2329 Jim The friendships.
13594 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2329 David Okay. Well, we want the person who takes this position to be here for the long haul. So... long haul. Where do you see yourself in ten years?
13595 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2330 Jim How are your feet?
13596 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2330 Pam Medium rare. Thanks.
13597 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2330 Jim The real reason that I went to Stamford... was because... I wanted to be... not here.
13598 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2330 Pam I know.
13599 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2330 Jim And even though... I came back, I just, I feel like I've never really... come back.
13600 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2330 Pam Well, I wish you would.
13601 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2331 Pam Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Just one moment, I'll transfer you.
13602 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2332 Pam I haven't heard anything, but I bet Jim got the job. I mean, why wouldn't he? He's totally qualified, and smart, everyone loves him... and, if he never comes back again... that's OK. We're friends. And I'm sure we'll stay friends. We just, we never got the timing right. You know? I shot him down, and then he did the same to me, and... But you know what? It's OK. I'm totally fine. Everything is gonna be totally---
13603 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2332 Jim Pam. Sorry. Um, are you free for dinner tonight?
13604 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2332 Pam Yes.
13605 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2332 Jim All right. Then... it's a date.
13606 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2332 Pam I'm sorry, what was the question?
13607 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2333 David So, I know we left the other day on a note of uncertainty. But, after some more thought, I'm very pleased to be able to offer you this job. Great! I'm so glad. We're all very excited you're going to be joining us. It'll be nice to have another MBA around here.
13608 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2333 Ryan I'm excited too. Okay. Bye.
13609 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2333 Kelly Who was that?
13610 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2333 Ryan Nobody. You and I are done.
13611 3 24 The Job (Parts 1&2) 2333 Kelly What?!
13612 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2334 Michael Ok, well I did not get the job in New York, but I got the real prize, domestic bliss. Jan made me breakfast this morning... well she bought the milk. It's soy. This is why I do it, that's what I have to come home to. She probably won't be up for a few hours.
13613 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2335 Michael This is going to be a very good year. Very good. Jan is at home. Jim is back. My protege Ryan is at corporate. Good stuff. Um... Andy and Dwight are rockin' the sales team. I feel very blessed.
13614 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2336 IT Tech Guy You know generally it's not a good idea to click on offers that you haven't requested. What was the exact offer?
13615 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2336 Pam It was for a video.
13616 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2336 IT Tech Guy Yeah, what kind of video?
13617 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2336 Pam A celebrity s*x tape.
13618 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2336 Jim Really, what kind of celebrity?
13619 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2336 Pam Not relevant.
13620 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2336 Jim How much did you pay for it?
13621 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2336 Pam Not relevant.
13622 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2336 Jim You paid for it?
13623 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2336 Pam It all happened so fast.
13624 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2337 Jim I broke up with Karen after the job interview, and uh... it was a little awkward when she came back from the city. She told me, very clearly, just because we were broken up didn't mean she was going anywhere, because she worked really hard for her career. But the next day her desk was empty, and as for me and my current romantic life, I uh... I'm single now and looking, so if you know anybody.
13625 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2338 Pam Jim and I went to dinner a few times when he got back from New York. I talked him through his break up. It's really nice to be good friends again.
13626 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2339 Kevin Are you kidding me, Pam and Jim are totally hooking up. All they do is smile; they're just keeping it a secret. Right?
13627 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2339 Oscar I don't know, there is no evidence of intimacy. They've been in remarkably good moods. It could be other things.
13628 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2339 Kevin Are you kidding me?
13629 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2340 Pam And Sunday I'm thinking of going to that flea-market at the drive-in.
13630 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2340 Jim Oh that sounds fun. I'm mountain biking on Sunday. On Montage Mountain.
13631 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2340 Pam Cool.
13632 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2340 Jim Yeah.
13633 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2340 Pam Well have fun with that.
13634 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2341 Michael Ladies and Gentlemen. I have some bad news. Meredith was hit by a car.
13635 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2341 Jim What?
13636 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2341 Dwight Where?
13637 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2341 Michael It happened this morning in the parking lot. I took her to the hospital, and the doctors tried to save her life. They did the best that they could... And she is going to be OK.
13638 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2341 Stanley What is wrong with you? Why did you have to phrase it like that?
13639 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2341 Oscar So she's really going to be fine?
13640 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2341 Michael Yes. She has a slight pelvical fracture, but, ah... people have survived far worse.
13641 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2341 Pam Thank God you were there.
13642 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2341 Michael Yeah.
13643 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2341 Andy Did you see who did it?
13644 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2341 Dwight No need we can just check the security tapes.
13645 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2341 Michael Gah. Kind of a good news bad news there. I was able to be on the scene so quickly because I was in the car that hit her.
13646 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2341 Jim Who was driving?
13647 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2341 Pam Oh, Michael.
13648 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2342 Jim One day Michael came in complaining about a speed bump on the highway. I wonder who he ran over then.
13649 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2343 Dwight It's only Meredith.
13650 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2343 Michael Yeah, it's only Meredith, thank God. But did you see the way they looked at me? Like I was a murderer or something.
13651 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2343 Dwight Hey... Why did you do it?
13652 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2343 Michael It was an accident.
13653 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2343 Dwight Was she talkin' back?
13654 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2343 Michael No.
13655 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2343 Dwight Did you get sick of that face? Did she owe you money? Uh-oh. Is this downsizing? Did she spurn your advances?
13656 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2344 Pam Hey guys, we're all gonna visit Meredith at lunch. And we're kicking in $5 for flowers.
13657 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2344 Kevin Who's we, you and Jim?
13658 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2344 Pam No, uh, me Stanley and Phyllis so far.
13659 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2344 Kevin Oh, I bet Jim goes too.
13660 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2344 Pam Yeah, I haven't asked him yet.
13661 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2344 Kevin Oh, I bet you ask?
13662 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2344 Pam I was planning on it.
13663 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2344 Kevin I bet you were.
13664 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2344 Pam Angela?
13665 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2344 Oscar Subtle.
13666 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2344 Kevin What
13667 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2344 Pam Are you coming?
13668 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2344 Angela I can't, Sprinkles is sick.
13669 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2345 Angela She's been sick for some time. Thank you for asking, no one asks... about Sprinkles.
13670 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2346 Angela I have to give her her meds, I have to pet her, and who will she eat lunch with?
13671 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2346 Pam Can't your other cats keep her company.
13672 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2346 Angela There's bad blood, jealousies, cliques.
13673 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2346 Pam Angela, you're the chairman of the party planning committee. I shouldn't even be planning this, it's your job.
13674 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2346 Angela All right!
13675 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2347 Michael My lord my liege.
13676 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2347 Ryan Yes Michael?
13677 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2348 Michael So Ryan got promoted to corporate, where he is a little fish in a big pond. Whereas back here in Scranton I am still top dog, in a fairly large pond. So who is the real boss? The dog or a fish?
13678 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2349 Michael So I need a little treat for the gang. Something to win their affections back.
13679 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2349 Ryan Back? Why is that Michael?
13680 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2349 Michael Well, I ran down Meredith in my car.
13681 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2349 Ryan Oh! Did you do this on purpose?
13682 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2349 Michael No, I was being negligent. But she's in the hospital, she's fine, recovering nicely. Tiny little crack in her pelvis. But she will be up in...
13683 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2349 Ryan Did this happen on company property?
13684 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2349 Michael Yes. It was on company property, with company property, so... double jeopardy, we are fine.
13685 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2349 Ryan I don't think you understand how jeopardy works.
13686 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2349 Michael Oh, right, I'm sorry. What is: we are fine?
13687 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2350 Ryan People keep calling me a "Wunderkind"; I don't even know what that means. I mean, I know what it means, it means very successful for your age, so I guess it makes sense, but... it's a weird word.
13688 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2351 Angela Hey D.
13689 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2351 Dwight Hey monkey, what's up?
13690 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2351 Angela Can you do me a little favor? Go to my place at lunch and give Sprinkles her medicine.
13691 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2351 Dwight Sure.
13692 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2351 Angela I have to visit the alchy.
13693 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2351 Dwight Check to see if she's faking. If a car hit me, it wouldn't crack my pelvis. You know what; I bet she cracked it at home. Jumped in front of the car to get some workers comp.
13694 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2351 Angela I wouldn't put it past her.
13695 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2351 Dwight So what do you need me to do?
13696 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2351 Angela I wrote it out.
13697 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2351 Dwight Mm-hmm.
13698 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2351 Angela There's a diabetes shot, roll the insulin in your hand, don't shake it. She gets an ace inhibitor with her meal, but you have to put her right in front of the dish or she won't see it because of the cataracts. Mix one capsule of omega fatty acid in with her kidney medicine, um... and you want to give that to her 15 minutes after she's eaten. And, oh and there's a fungal cream because she has this infection under her tail, so you're gonna have to lift her tail and put the cream right at the base of her tail.
13699 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2352 Michael Ok, I have an announcement.
13700 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2352 Oscar You pushed Darryl out the window?
13701 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2352 Michael No.
13702 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2352 Phyllis You shot Dwight?
13703 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2352 Michael No! That is not funny, I love my employees, even thought I hit one of you with my car. For which I take full responsibility. Look I'm just trying to take everybody's mind off of this unavoidable tragedy, and onto more positive things. So I thought we should plant a tree.
13704 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2352 Jim Oh good, so we don't have to work.
13705 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2352 Pam OK, we're leaving for the hospital at 1.
13706 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2352 Michael So, like a freedom tree.
13707 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2352 Pam I can take 3 people.
13708 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2352 Jim I can also take 3 people.
13709 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2352 Oscar Separate cars.
13710 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2352 Michael Pam.
13711 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2352 Pam Alright, I will get a card at the hospital and we'll sign it outside her room.
13712 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2352 Michael Pam.
13713 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2352 Pam Sales people can go later in the day. Hourly works can go at lunch.
13714 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2352 Michael Ok, good good, so we'll just all go down there together at lunch.
13715 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2352 Pam I...
13716 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2352 Michael Excellent!
13717 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2352 Pam I was thinking that we...
13718 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2352 Michael Good work Pam.
13719 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2352 Pam But...
13720 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2352 Michael Yaaaaaay, Pam! Alright, since I am the boss I will drive as well. Who wants shotgun?
13721 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2352 Stanley You can't be serious. You ran a woman over this morning.
13722 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2352 Michael Everyone inside the car was fine, Stanley!
13723 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2353 Michael Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.
13724 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Michael Eww. I hate hospitals. In my mind they are associated with sickness. Oh... She looks like an angel.
13725 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Kelly She looks awful.
13726 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Michael No... OK, she always looks like that... That is not my fault.
13727 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Jim I think she's awake.
13728 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Michael No... She's in a coma.
13729 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Nurse No.
13730 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Michael OK... Meredith, Ooooohhhhh. I brought all your friends from the office dear.
13731 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Meredith At the same time.
13732 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Michael Yeah.
13733 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Stanley Hello Meredith.
13734 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Meredith This is weird.
13735 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Michael Brought you some balloons. Why don't we... here you go. Tie these up, cheer up your tubes... Oh! Shhhh... For God's sake!
13736 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Kevin Whoa!
13737 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Michael Nurse.
13738 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Meredith No don't bother the nurse, just put it back in.
13739 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Michael I am going to be sick... I'm gonna puke.
13740 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Jim I wouldn't... I wouldn't worry about it. Don't touch it.
13741 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Nurse What, what are you doing? Just gimme that.
13742 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Meredith Thanks.
13743 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Phyllis Does it hurt terribly?
13744 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Meredith No, it's not too bad. They have me on a lot of painkillers.
13745 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Creed Oh really, what kind? Codeine, Vicodin, Percocet, Fentanyl, Oxycontin, Palladone? What...
13746 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Meredith I have no idea.
13747 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Creed Oh.
13748 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Meredith Well it was really great of all of you to come and visit me at the same time. I'll see you guys at the office.
13749 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Michael Oh, OK... Wait up, wait up, guys guys guys, hold on a second. You know what I was thinking might be sort of fun? Is if you forgave me in front of everybody.
13750 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Meredith Michael, I'm not gonna do that.
13751 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Michael Cause you know what they say in the Bible about forgiveness? Forgiveness is next to Godliness.
13752 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Angela No, that's not. That's next to cleanliness.
13753 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Michael Well, just shhhh... just just...
13754 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Meredith You cracked my pelvis
13755 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Michael Look, I just... I don't understand what is preventing you from laughing this off and giving me a big hug.
13756 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Meredith You're not forgiven.
13757 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Michael Come on.
13758 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2354 Pam Michael! Michael!
13759 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2355 Michael Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it's not like a compulsive need to be liked. Like my need to be praised.
13760 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2356 Angela Hey.
13761 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2356 Dwight Hey monkey.
13762 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2356 Angela Any problems?
13763 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2356 Dwight Well you left the TV on, and your cat is dead.
13764 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2356 Angela What!?
13765 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2356 Dwight Sparkles, the white one, is dead.
13766 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2356 Angela Sprinkles.
13767 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2356 Dwight That was the sick one, right?
13768 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2356 Angela Uh-huh. But I thought she had more time.
13769 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2356 Dwight No.
13770 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2356 Angela Did she look... When you saw her how was she looking?
13771 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2356 Dwight Really dead. Like a... just a dead cat.
13772 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2356 Dwight So... Hey come on, don't be sad, just... OK... just. She's in a better place.
13773 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2356 Angela Alright.
13774 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2356 Dwight Actually the place that she's in is the freezer, because of the odor.
13775 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2357 Pam It's gonna be OK.
13776 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2357 Michael OK, you know what? Everybody, let's just get over the whole Meredith thing. She cracked her pelvis, a tiny little crack. She going to be fine, so let's just...
13777 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2357 Pam Michael, Angela's cat died.
13778 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2357 Michael Sprinkles?
13779 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2357 Michael Oh, sh... I'm sorry Angela. Man what a day huh? How could it get any worse? Her computer crashes with the p0rn, and then Meredith with the accident, and then... Sprinkles! God, that's 3 things. I'll tell you what's going on. This office is cursed, and we need to do something about it.
13780 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2358 Michael Well, I am taking responsibility. It is up to me to get rid of the curse that hit Meredith with my car. I'm not superstitious, but... I'm... I am a little-stitious.
13781 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2359 Michael Did anyone do anything involving an Indian burial ground?
13782 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2359 Oscar Like what?
13783 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2359 Michael Like park on it. Or dig up a body... Toby? Anything you want to tell us?
13784 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2359 Toby No, I did not violate an Indian burial ground. In fact I had some good luck recently, Alfredo's Pizza, picked my business card out of the basket, so... uh, I got a week of free pies.
13785 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2359 Pam That's cool.
13786 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2359 Toby Yeah.
13787 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2359 Michael Perfect. So our tragedy is your good luck. Satan.
13788 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2359 Angela Sprinkles never hurt a soul. God in your infinite wisdom how could you do this? She wasn't ready. She had so much left to accomplish.
13789 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2359 Dwight She's only a cat.
13790 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2359 Angela You never... you don't like them.
13791 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2359 Dwight Cats do not provide milk or wool or meat.
13792 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2359 Oscar Dwight please!
13793 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2359 Michael Dwight, you haven't seen Meredith yet, have you?
13794 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2359 Dwight No, I have not.
13795 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2359 Michael Well, I think you should go to the hospital, and pay your respects.
13796 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2359 Dwight I do not respect her, but I will go.
13797 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2359 Michael Alright, I would now like to talk about each of your individual religious beliefs.
13798 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2359 Toby Oh, Michael, you can't ask about religious beliefs...
13799 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2359 Michael Satan is a master of lies. Everything he says is the opposite.
13800 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2359 Toby Alright, well then you can ask about religious beliefs.
13801 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2359 Michael Thank you for the permission. Psych! Alright let's just go around the room, and tell me what you believe in.
13802 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2359 Stanley I'm... um, Catholic.
13803 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2359 Michael OK.
13804 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2359 Darryl Presbyterian.
13805 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2359 Michael Alright.
13806 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2359 Pam Oh me too.
13807 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2359 Darryl Oh?
13808 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2359 Pam Same religion.
13809 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2359 Darryl Alright!
13810 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2359 Phyllis I'm a Lutheran and Bob's a Unitarian. It keeps things spicy.
13811 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2359 Angela That's why we're cursed.
13812 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2360 Creed I've been involved in a number of cults, both as a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower, but you make more money as a leader.
13813 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2361 Michael Kelly, you are Hindu, so you believe in Buddha.
13814 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2361 Kelly That's Buddhist.
13815 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2361 Michael Are you sure?
13816 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2361 Kelly No.
13817 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2361 Michael What are you?
13818 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2361 IT Tech Guy Well if you're going to reduce my identity to my religion then I'm Sikh, but I also like Hip-hop and NPR, and I'm restoring a 1967 Corvette in my spare time.
13819 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2361 Michael OK, 1 Sikh, and...
13820 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2362 Dwight As a farmer, I know that when an animal is sick, sometimes the right thing to do is to put it out of its misery. With the electricity we're using to keep Meredith alive we could power a small fan for 2 days. You tell me what's unethical.
13821 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2363 Dwight Blink once if you want me to pull the plug.
13822 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2363 Meredith Don't pull any plugs.
13823 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2363 Intern How are you doing Ms. Palmer?
13824 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2363 Meredith Better.
13825 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2363 Intern Excellent.
13826 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2363 Dwight Are you a doctor, or a male nurse?
13827 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2363 Intern Um... I'm an intern, which makes me a doctor, but...
13828 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2363 Dwight Pfft... Her chart doesn't indicate that she had a hysterectomy but she did, or at least she got time off for one.
13829 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2363 Intern Ah, so uh... so that is where her uterus went... Um, Ms. Palmer, your last tetanus shot was when you were bitten by a bat a few months ago?
13830 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2363 Meredith Yes. Dwight here, trapped it in a bag against my head.
13831 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2363 Dwight Just doing my job.
13832 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2363 Intern It also says you were recently bitten by a raccoon?
13833 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2363 Meredith And a rat. Separate occasions.
13834 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2364 Michael You spend your whole life trying to get people to like you, and then you run over one person with your car. And it's not even one of the popular ones, and everybody gets on your case. Doesn't make any sense... God is dead.
13835 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2364 Kelly If there was a God then Ryan and I would be married by now.
13836 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2364 Michael Maybe believing in God was the mistake. What did people believe in before? The sun? Maybe there's some sort of animal, that we could make a sacrifice too. Like a giant buffalo, or some sort of monster, like something with the body of a walrus with the head of a sea lion. Or something with the body of an egret with the head of a meerkat. Or just... the head of a monkey, with the antlers of a reindeer, with, ah... the body of a porcupine.
13837 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2364 Jim I will do some research.
13838 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2364 Pam I can help you with that.
13839 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2365 Dwight So, just to be safe they are giving her the rabies vaccine.
13840 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2365 Michael Oh God, Rabies?
13841 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2365 Dwight Mm-hmm.
13842 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2365 Michael I was in the hospital room with her. How contagious is that, is that like an STD?
13843 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2365 Dwight No, no. You've gotta be bitten by something.
13844 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2365 Michael This place is so cursed.
13845 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2365 Dwight Actually the doctor said it was lucky she came in to the hospital, cause the only way to beat rabies, is to start treatment before the symptoms set in... Lock jaw.
13846 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2365 Michael I know a lot of you are upset with me for endangering Meredith's life by hitting her, with my car. But it may make you feel a little better to know that before that happened, Dwight endangered her life, by putting a garbage bag over her head that had a bat in it.
13847 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2365 Jim Six of one, really.
13848 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2365 Michael Turns out Meredith has been exposed to rabies. Which is like 10 times worse than a little crack in your pelvis. Thanks to me she went to the hospital and I saved her life. Curse is broken. Curse is broken people! Oh... there is a God, and he has a plan for us after all. So go home get some rest, very very good work today. We got a lot accomplished.
13849 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2366 Michael Is there a God? If not, what are all the churches for? And who is Jesus' dad?
13850 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2367 Kevin Oh well, if they aren't together now, then they probably never will be. I thought they'd be good together, like PB&J. Pam Beasley and Jim. What a waste. What - A - Waste!
13851 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2367 Pam I told you I'm not dating anyone. And even if I was, I don't think it's anyone's business. I mean, when I do fall in love, like when it's for real, the last person I'm gonna talk about it too is a camera crew, or my co-workers. Almost marrying Roy Anderson was as close to Pamela Anderson as I ever want to be. Trust me, when I fall in love, you'll know.
13852 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2368 Pam Michael Scott's Dunder-Mifflin, Scranton, Meredith Palmer memorial, celebrity rabies awareness, fun run race for the cure, this is Pam.
13853 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2368 Michael Pro-Am.
13854 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2368 Pam Pro-Am race for the... They hung up.
13855 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2369 Michael A woman shouldn't have to be hit by a car, to learn that she may have rabies. But that is where we are in America. And that does not sit right with me. And that is why I'm hosting a fun run race for the cure for rabies. To raise awareness of the fact that there is a cure for rabies. A disease that has largely been eradicated in the US. But not very many people know that.
13856 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2370 Stanley No, rabies... Babies would be a good idea. Can I put you down for a dime?
13857 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2370 Michael Hi Stanley, how many sponsors so far?
13858 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2370 Stanley Zero.
13859 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2370 Michael Come on man, gotta step it up! It's for a good cause. Jan called this morning and pledged $500.00.
13860 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2370 Andy Isn't that your money?
13861 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2370 Michael That... is for a good cause. Phyllis, how's the rabies quilt coming?
13862 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2370 Phyllis Oh, it's coming.
13863 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2370 Michael Oh, look at that, 3. Way to honor Meredith, Phyllis.
13864 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2370 Kevin Michael?
13865 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2370 Michael Yes.
13866 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2370 Kevin You cannot make me run.
13867 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2370 Michael OK.
13868 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2370 Kevin It is not a real charity. It's stupid Michael, and I'm not gonna do it.
13869 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2370 Michael Alright, alright.
13870 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2370 Kevin You didn't run for me...
13871 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2370 Michael Shhh...
13872 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2370 Kevin ...when I thought I had skin cancer.
13873 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2370 Michael I know that you're probably scared of people seeing your fat legs in shorts.
13874 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2370 Kevin No.
13875 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2370 Michael OK, well back in olden times, a large fat person, like this, was a person of power. A person who had money, could buy food, person of respect. Like the regional manager of the day. Whereas, someone athletic and trim, like myself, was someone who worked in the fields... And I was a peasant.
13876 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2370 Kevin I just don't want to run. I didn't bring my sneakers or my clothes.
13877 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2370 Michael Well, you're going to have to run, or you're going to be in a lot of trouble. It is not olden times anymore.
13878 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2371 Andy I'm petrified of nipple chafing. Once it starts it is a vicious circle. If you have sensitive nipples, they chafe, so they become more sensitive, so they chafe more. So... I take precautions.
13879 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2372 Andy Hey Angela. Hey, um... I'm sorry about your cat.
13880 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2373 Angela This is Sprinkles. She was my best friend. I kept her going through countless ailments. I asked Dwight Schrute to feed her once, and she is now deceased. This is Halloween last year, just a couple of kittens out on the town.
13881 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2374 Angela Pssst. I'm having relationship problems. And since you're always having relationship problems, I thought you'd be able to give me some advice.
13882 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2374 Pam What's wrong?
13883 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2374 Angela I have this crazy thought, that I know is crazy. That maybe Dwight killed my cat.
13884 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2374 Pam Hmm...
13885 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2374 Angela When I got home, Sprinkles' body was in the freezer where Dwight said he left her, but all my bags of frozen french fries had been clawed to shreds.
13886 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2374 Pam Ah.
13887 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2374 Angela Something's not right. The vet's doing an autopsy.
13888 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2374 Pam Angela, I'm sorry.
13889 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2374 Angela Did Roy ever kill one of your cats?
13890 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2374 Pam I'm more of a dog person.
13891 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2375 Jim So what's your strategy for this race?
13892 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2375 Pam Well I'm gonna start fast.
13893 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2375 Jim Mm-hmm.
13894 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2375 Pam Then I'm gonna run fast in the middle.
13895 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2375 Jim What?
13896 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2375 Pam Then I'm gonna end fast.
13897 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2375 Jim Why won't more people do that?
13898 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2375 Pam Cause they're just stupid.
13899 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2375 Jim What?
13900 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2376 Jim Oh, ah... No that's not... I mean that wasn't, ah...
13901 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2376 Pam Yeah... That was um...
13902 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2376 Jim I mean I can see how it would seem a bit like we uh... How it looks like um... I mean now a days you can edit anything, right? I mean you can edit anything to look like um... anything.
13903 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2376 Pam Yeah, I gave him a ride home because...
13904 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2376 Jim Right!
13905 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2376 Pam ... We're dating.
13906 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2376 Jim Wow! There it is.
13907 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2376 Pam Ah, yeah. We haven't told anybody, but it's going really great. Right?
13908 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2376 Jim It is going really great.
13909 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2377 Dwight Oww!
13910 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2377 Angela Shut up.
13911 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2377 Dwight You're taking this out on me, but I was only the messenger.
13912 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2377 Angela Oh, really?
13913 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2377 Dwight You'll feel better after the 5k. Exercise is good for depression.
13914 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2377 Angela I'm not depressed I'm in grief.
13915 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2378 Michael We have raised, almost $700.00, most of it from me and Jan. Um... when do they put that on the giant check? Or is that something that we write in later?
13916 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2378 Pam Well a giant check costs about $200.00 to make up. I have a print shop standing by but... What do you think Michael, that's over 25% of our funds?
13917 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2378 Michael Hmm... That's a tough decision. Um... I always imagined it with a giant check. So...
13918 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2378 Jim Yeah, I mean I personally am definitely on board for the giant check.
13919 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2378 Pam Giant check it is.
13920 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2378 Jim Yeah.
13921 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2378 Michael Yep.
13922 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2378 Dwight Well I don't know, on the other hand it does leave less money for bat birth control.
13923 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2378 Jim Bat birth control
13924 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2378 Dwight Wait, this money is going to bat birth control, right Michael, that's what you told me when I contributed.
13925 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2378 Michael You didn't contribute very much. I was also hoping to hand the giant check to a rabies doctor. And how's that been going?
13926 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2378 Pam Not well. A doctor won't come out to collect a check for $700.00, or $500.00 if we go with the giant check.
13927 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2378 Jim Which we are.
13928 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2378 Pam And also there is no such thing as a rabies doctor.
13929 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2378 Michael What about a rabies nurse?
13930 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2378 Pam I don't think so.
13931 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2378 Jim You know what though, I've actually seen ads for nurses that you can hire by the hour, for parties and bachelor events.
13932 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2378 Michael That's possible. Look into that.
13933 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2378 Jim Great, it's gonna cost a couple a hundred buck and ah... oh actually more with tips.
13934 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2378 Dwight Maybe we should just skip the ceremony and setup a college fund for Meredith's son.
13935 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2378 Michael Have you met that kid? He's not going to college.
13936 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2379 Pam Michael, 5k means 5 kilometers, not 5 thousand miles.
13937 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2379 Michael Come in.
13938 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2379 Pam Hey.
13939 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2379 Michael Hey, hey, hey
13940 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2379 Pam Oh my God.
13941 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2379 Michael What are you doing?
13942 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2379 Pam You said come in!
13943 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2379 Michael No I didn't, just please don't...
13944 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2379 Pam Oh my God.
13945 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2380 Pam So I closed the door but the image of his...
13946 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2380 Jim Baquette.
13947 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2380 Pam ... dangling participle...
13948 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2380 Jim Eww.
13949 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2380 Pam ... still burned in my eyes.
13950 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2380 Jim I can imagine.
13951 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2380 Pam Come in.
13952 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2380 Michael May I enter the room?
13953 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2380 Pam Yes. Or come in.
13954 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2380 Michael See how I did that. That's the way you should enter a room. You knock and then you wait for the all clear.
13955 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2380 Jim You couldn't have taken off all your clothes in the men's room?
13956 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2380 Michael Yes, but I have an office, so why would I do that.
13957 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2380 Pam On average, how many hours a day do you spend naked in your office? Just ballpark.
13958 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2380 Michael European offices are naked all the time.
13959 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2380 Pam They're so not.
13960 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2380 Michael Besides my shirt tail covered most of it so...
13961 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2380 Pam I didn't see where it started but I saw where it ended.
13962 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2380 Jim Gross.
13963 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2380 Michael That's not gross, it is the human body. What is your problem? Pam you're an artist, right? Think of me as one of your models. OK, you know what, I don't want this to detract from what we really need to be thinking about today, it's not fair to people with rabies. And that's the point, right? OK, let's go have some fun.
13964 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2380 Jim Alright.
13965 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2381 Pam They say if you're nervous around someone you should picture them naked. I do not recommend this strategy. Try picturing them with more clothes on... or a funny coat.
13966 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2382 Jim Oh, I'm sorry, is this a working office, and not a French beach?
13967 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2383 Jan OK, name please.
13968 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2383 Creed Creed Bratton, 75 plus division.
13969 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2383 Jan You're over 75 years old?
13970 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2383 Creed 82 November first. How much is the prize money?
13971 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2383 Jan There's no prize money.
13972 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2383 Creed What, is any of this real?
13973 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2384 Michael Check that out. Look at me, I'm Toby, I'm stretching, I know what I'm doing. Why is he even here?
13974 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2385 Jan So I heard that you were peeping on Michael.
13975 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2385 Pam What? Look, no it was not...
13976 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2385 Jan I don't know what your deal is, but he's mine, OK? So hands off.
13977 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2385 Michael OK everybody, listen up. Thank you for coming. Before we get started I wanted to say a few words about this deadly disease called rabies. And I'd like you to take a look into the face of rabies. That should scare you. It scares me. You people need to educate yourselves. Myth: 3 Americans every year die from rabies. Fact: 4 Americans every year die from rabies. How many of you know someone who has been afflicted or affected by rabies? Show of hands. One, two, three... too many to count. It is truly the silent killer. No, it is the foaming barking killer. And it is something... Darryl what are you doing.
13978 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2385 Darryl I'm giving him a peanut.
13979 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2385 Michael No, don't give him... just, did you hear anything I said?
13980 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2385 Darryl Look how happy he is.
13981 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2385 Michael He's happy because he's insane. You know what, that's the perfect example of the kind of awareness we need to generate. Where's the nurse? This is the reason we're here.
13982 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2385 Elizabeth Hello Michael.
13983 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2385 Michael Oh hey, I know you... Elizabeth?
13984 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2385 Elizabeth Yeah.
13985 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2385 Michael Right? Wow, very cool you went back and got your degree. I would like you to accept this check, for $340.00 made out to science. Make sure that, that gets into the right hands.
13986 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2385 Elizabeth Great.
13987 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2386 Michael You got it?
13988 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2386 Dwight Mm-hmm.
13989 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2386 Michael OK, fettuccine alfredo, time to carbo-load.
13990 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2387 Michael Just remember folks, it's not about winning, it is about finishing.
13991 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2387 Dwight On your marks, get set...
13992 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2387 Michael Beow!
13993 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2387 Toby Hey!
13994 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2388 Michael On your left!
13995 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2388 Oscar You're doing great Michael, look at you go!
13996 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2388 Creed That's my boss! Yeah-ha baby!
13997 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2388 Michael I am fast! I'm very fast! I'm like Forrest Gump, except I am not an idiot.
13998 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2389 Stanley Oh yes I will work out today. I will work out a way to avoid running for a stupid cause.
13999 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2390 Andy I've walked 2 marathons. Pretty sure I can handle a 5k. Key is drafting, eliminate wind resistance.
14000 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2391 Pam Yeah. Oh we're in last place.
14001 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2391 Jim Oh, would you look at that.
14002 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2391 Pam Darn it.
14003 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2392 Jan Water? Water? Water babe?
14004 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2392 Michael No, no water for me. Not while rabies causes fear of water... solidarity!
14005 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2392 Jan Michael that's irrational.
14006 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2393 Michael Rabies victims... have to live with an irrational hatred of water their entire lives. So... least I could do.
14007 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2394 Andy Oh God! My nipples, it's starting.
14008 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2395 Creed Can we get another round?
14009 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2395 Waitress OK.
14010 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2395 Creed Thanks.
14011 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2395 Stanley So we've got what, another 20 minutes?
14012 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2395 Oscar More or less.
14013 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2395 Stanley Hmmm...
14014 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2396 Michael That fettuccine is sitting in my stomach like a rock.
14015 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2396 Dwight You've got nothing to worry about, I put Imodium in Toby's coffee before the race.
14016 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2396 Michael Excellent! ...Simpsons. Wait, Imodium or Ex-lax?
14017 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2397 Toby I'm makin' great time. Usually I have to take a bathroom break half way through a race like this, but not today.
14018 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2398 Jim Ooo! An estate sale. Wanna go in?
14019 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2398 Pam I don't know I'm really committed to winning.
14020 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2398 Jim OK, but what if I told you all the money you spend here, goes to preventing a disease that's already been cured.
14021 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2398 Pam Mmm... Yes.
14022 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2398 Jim That's what I thought.
14023 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2398 Pam Yeah.
14024 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2398 Jim Right. Let's do some good.
14025 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2399 Ryan for the cure... leave a message" Ryan hangs up]
14026 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2400 Michael Oh God, Oh, alfredo sauce. I'm getting a stitch.
14027 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2401 Andy Ah, God watch the nipples, Kevin.
14028 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2401 Kevin Back off me.
14029 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2402 Dwight How ya feeling, better?
14030 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2402 Angela No.
14031 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2402 Dwight Well you look cute as a button. You've worked up quite a sweat.
14032 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2402 Angela The vet is removing all of Sprinkles organs right now and sending them to the lab.
14033 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2402 Dwight I am a farmer Angela.
14034 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2402 Angela What does that mean?
14035 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2402 Dwight OK, when a farmer sees an animal that is in pain, that has no quality of life, that has no utility, a farmer does what city folk don't have the stomach to do.
14036 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2402 Angela You did kill her!?
14037 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2402 Dwight I... I sang her, her favorite songs.
14038 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2402 Angela You put her in my freezer.
14039 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2402 Dwight It was beautiful and gentle and respectful. I fed her antihistamines and she gradually fell asleep.
14040 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2402 Angela Well then she barfed them up in the freezer and tried to get out.
14041 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2402 Dwight Well I'm not responsible for that!
14042 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2402 Angela You!
14043 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2402 Dwight Hey, Oww! It's OK.
14044 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2402 Angela It's OK.
14045 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2402 Dwight It's nothing, I'm robbing her.
14046 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2402 Angela It's nothing.
14047 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2402 Dwight It's fine. What?
14048 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2402 Angela How could you do that without telling me?
14049 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2402 Dwight I thought I was helping you. I expected a hug. I took care of that cat, the best way I knew how.
14050 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2402 Angela Cat Heaven is a beautiful place, but you don't get there if you're euthanized.
14051 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2402 Dwight I know a great taxidermist. I'll pay to have her stuffed. Well he's not great, but he's pretty good.
14052 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2402 Angela You don't understand.
14053 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2402 Michael Take bat bites seriously. Don't get bit.
14054 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2402 Dwight Or we can have her buried out at the east field, by mother. Huh, Angela?
14055 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2402 Angela Don't touch me Dwight!
14056 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2403 Pam You like it? It's kinda designy and cool, it was $8.00.
14057 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2403 Jim Oh, and I get to carry it.
14058 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2404 Toby And the winner is Toby Flenderson.
14059 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2404 Kelly Have a seat, I'll write it down.
14060 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2404 Toby Where are we?
14061 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2404 Kelly I dunno, like 5 kilometers from the office.
14062 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2404 Toby He couldn't have made it a circle?
14063 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2405 Michael I am not going to finish. I can't beat rabies. Nobody can beat rabies, rabies has been around for a thousand years. I was a fool to think that I could beat it.
14064 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2406 Jim ...talk about it.
14065 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2406 Pam Yeah probably. Hey, Michael?
14066 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2406 Jim What are you doing here? Did you come back for us, or...
14067 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2406 Michael I can't finish. I feel so weak, I just...
14068 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2406 Jim Well, you're probably dehydrated.
14069 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2406 Michael What do you want me to do Jim?
14070 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2406 Jim Glass of water would be a start.
14071 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2406 Michael No, There are people all over the world, who have all sorts of problems and afflictions, and diseases. They're deformed, and they're abnormal, and... they're illiterate and ugly. Symphonies don't have any money. Public TV is bust. I can't do anything about it, I can't... you know. There's just one of me, and there's a thousand of them. And rabies wins.
14072 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2406 Jim Wow! You are a downer. We were having a pretty nice day.
14073 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2406 Pam I'm still having a nice day.
14074 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2406 Jim You are?
14075 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2406 Pam Yeah. Hey Michael, look at this lamp. $8.00.
14076 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2406 Michael That's a good deal.
14077 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2406 Pam And Michael, you don't have rabies. And chances are you're not going to get it anytime soon. So... you don't really have to think about it too much.
14078 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2406 Michael Pam, if everybody felt that way, nothing would get done.
14079 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2406 Pam Yeah, but there's other, better people out there who are helping.
14080 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2406 Michael You just don't think I am capable, of making a difference.
14081 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2406 Pam I know you Michael, I saw you naked.
14082 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2406 Michael You don't, you don't know me. You've just seen my pen1s. I can make a difference, remember, I'm the one who started this whole thing off by hitting Meredith with my car. And I owe it to her to finish this... GD 5k No, no!
14083 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2407 Michael Finishing that 5k, was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I ate more fettuccine alfredo and drank less water, than I have in my entire life. People always talk about triumphs of the human spirit, well today I had a triumph of the human body. That's why everybody was applauding for me at the end. My guts and my heart, and while I eventually puked my guts out, I never puked my heart out. And I'm very, very proud of that.
14084 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2408 Meredith Hey Michael.
14085 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2408 Michael Hey Mer. How ya doing?
14086 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2408 Meredith Better.
14087 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2408 Michael It's ironic isn't it? I mean I'm in the hospital for not getting enough water, and you're in it for a disease that causes the fear of water.
14088 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2408 Meredith I'm in because you hit me with your car. But I wanted to say, I heard you were trying really hard, so I'm not mad at you anymore.
14089 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2408 Michael Thanks, I'm not mad at you anymore. Wanna share?
14090 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2408 Meredith Sure.
14091 4 1 Fun Run (Parts 1&2) 2408 Michael I'm not really sick. Nah, I'm good.
14092 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2409 Pam Hey.
14093 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2409 Jim Hey.
14094 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2409 Pam I gotcha one.
14095 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2409 Jim Oh wow, thank you.
14096 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2409 Pam Yeah.
14097 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2409 Jim I'm just gonna grab some chips, you want some?
14098 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2409 Pam No. Thanks... uh we're still having lunch today, right?
14099 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2409 Jim I guess. How dare you.
14100 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2410 Michael Hey Toby. What's this?
14101 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2410 Toby Ohh.
14102 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2410 Michael I just want to remind everyone about the company rules involving PDA or public displays of affection.
14103 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2410 Toby Yes, uh some people in the office have complained...
14104 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2410 Michael Oh really.
14105 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2410 Toby ...about some other people engaging in PDA and, you know I just wanted to remind it's not appropriate to, to do that.
14106 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2410 Michael Is this about me and Jan? In my office? Because I will have you know that that was consensual. What we did has nothing to do with you or anyone here. I don't think. I don't think anyone heard anything. We were very discreet and, and most people had left by that point. So I don't think it's any of your business. What I think you should do is roll up the memo, real tight...
14107 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2410 Toby Ok, look the memo is not about you...
14108 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2410 Angela For the record, I have never been involved with anyone at work, in any capacity.
14109 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2410 Toby Alright everyone, look, it, alright my complaint was about Jim and Pam. So...
14110 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2410 Michael No way.
14111 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2410 Dwight What?
14112 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2410 Phyllis You guys are together?
14113 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2410 Jim Ummm... yup. Yes, we are.
14114 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2410 Michael Woooah! Wow!
14115 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2410 Andy Tuna!
14116 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2410 Michael Awesome!
14117 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2410 Kevin I knew it!
14118 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2410 Michael You guys! Yes! Yes!
14119 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2410 Pam Toby, was this your fun little way of congratulating us?
14120 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2410 Toby Yes.
14121 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2410 Michael Oh kay, mind is exploding. Get over here. Come on. Come here. Okay, okay, stand up. OK, here we go. Everyone, this is a day that will live in infamy. Because today, is the day that Jim and Pam become one.
14122 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2410 Jim Actually, we've been dating for a couple months.
14123 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2410 Michael I love you guys, so much.
14124 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2410 Jim Ohh..
14125 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2410 Pam Phone's ringing.
14126 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2410 Michael No, no, no Pam let 'em ring. Let the bells of Dunder Mifflin chime out your love. Because this is really good, this is really good. My heart soars with the eagles nest.
14127 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2411 Dwight I don't see it. I think they both could do better.
14128 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2412 Angela It's not a surprise to me. Pam is the office mattress.
14129 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2413 Andy Jim Halpert's off the market. Guess who just became the best looking single guy in the office?
14130 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2414 Michael Hey. Can you make that straighter? That's what she said.
14131 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2414 Phyllis Did you plan it?
14132 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2414 Michael No.
14133 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2414 Pam Can you make that straighter? That job looks hard. You should put your mouth on that. How can you even use that one naturally?
14134 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2414 Michael Blowing up balloons I thought.
14135 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2414 Pam You might want to trim it a little.
14136 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2414 Phyllis Michael...
14137 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2414 Kelly Oh, is... Ryan coming back today?
14138 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2414 Pam Yeah, he is.
14139 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2414 Kelly Oh.
14140 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2415 Michael Pam and Jim are together. Ryan is visiting. Only thing that could make this day better is ice cream.
14141 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2416 Angela What do you want?
14142 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2416 Dwight To give you this .
14143 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2416 Angela Oh, what is that?
14144 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2416 Dwight It's a feral barn cat. I trapped him last night and I'm giving him to you as a replacement cat for the one I destroyed.
14145 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2416 Angela Her name was Sprinkles.
14146 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2416 Dwight And his name is... Garbage. Mose calls him Garbage because he likes to eat garbage. Don't you Garbage?
14147 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2416 Angela I can't believe you just thought you could replace Sprinkles. Before she's even in the ground.
14148 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2416 Dwight You haven't buried her yet?
14149 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2416 Angela Don't rush me. I'm grieving.
14150 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2416 Dwight Garbage can be very helpful. OK, he's a youthful cat. He killed an entire family of raccoons. Look at him.
14151 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2416 Angela I don't want Garbage! I want Sprinkles!
14152 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2417 Pam Hey Toby.
14153 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2417 Toby Hey... you two.
14154 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2417 Jim Hey. So now that we are dating, uh, we just wanted to know if we had to sign one of those 'we're dating' things for the company.
14155 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2417 Toby Oh well, you know, those were only for, you know relationships, so... if, if this is just a casual thing, there's no need, really.
14156 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2417 Jim Oh.
14157 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2417 Pam Well, I don't wanna speak for Jim, but, it's like pretty official.
14158 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2417 Toby Uh huh.
14159 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2417 Jim Sorry, uh do we need to sign one, or...?
14160 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2417 Toby Let's just wait and see what happens. You know?
14161 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2417 Jim What?
14162 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2417 Toby Let's just wait.
14163 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2417 Jim Oh, OK.
14164 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2417 Pam OK.
14165 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2417 Jim Great.
14166 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2418 Pam Hey Ryan. Welcome back --
14167 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2418 Ryan Hold on one second. Hey Pam! It's great to see you. Is Michael in?
14168 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2418 Michael Hey!
14169 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2418 Pam Yeah.
14170 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2418 Michael There he is! There he is! He's back! And he's with a beard. He... He has facial hair. Look at him! All grown up and no place to go. Hello, Mr. Sunny Crockett. I'm Tubs.
14171 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2418 Ryan OK. Should we get started?
14172 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2418 Michael Ohh, yeah, let's get started because uh, yes, cause uh this is very serious business and umm..
14173 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2418 Ryan Yep, exactly. This is a business meeting.
14174 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2418 Michael ...business meeting --
14175 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2418 Kevin Fire!
14176 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2418 Ryan Stop that! Stop that!
14177 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2418 Michael That's right! That's right!
14178 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2418 Ryan You scared me.
14179 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2418 Michael Fire guy. Don't start any fires, Ryan.
14180 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2418 Andy Fire guy
14181 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2418 Kevin You weren't here for that.
14182 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2418 Andy Here for what?
14183 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2418 Kevin When he started the fire.
14184 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2418 Michael Look how big he is. Look at you, you are so mature and old and little man now. You're like our little man...
14185 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2418 Kevin Little old man boy.
14186 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2418 Ryan Michael and everybody, umm...
14187 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2418 Michael Beard.
14188 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2418 Kevin Bearded man boy.
14189 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2418 Ryan ...let me just say something. I know I used to be a temp here, but now everything is different. I'd like your respect. I am your boss now. You're gonna have to treat me that same way you treated Jan.
14190 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2418 Michael Oh, wow!
14191 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2418 Ryan So...
14192 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2418 Michael That's a little kinky. I don't swing that way.
14193 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2418 Ryan OK...
14194 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2418 Michael Woooo! I think Ryan has a gay crush on me.
14195 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2418 Ryan Enough! OK? This is inappropriate and it stops right now. Do you understand?
14196 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2418 Michael Yes, everybody, come on. Settle town. Let's get serious here. Um Ryan, has a very special, important presentation to do, which we will be doing in the conference room in 10 minutes?
14197 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2418 Ryan Perfect.
14198 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2418 Michael Sounds good. OK, alright.
14199 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2419 Michael Yeah, Ryan snapped at me, but there was this twinkle in his eye that I picked up on, which said, "Dude, we're friends. I'm doing this for appearances. I am the big boss now. And I have to seem like an ogre. But you know me and you trust me. And we like each other. And we'll always be friends. And I would never take you for granted in a million years. And I miss you, man. And I love you." His words.
14200 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2420 Ryan Dunder Mifflin Infinity represents a floor to ceiling streamlining of our business model. The center piece of the campaign is a new business-to-business website interface that will allow us to compete directly with big box chains.
14201 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2421 Jim Wait a second. Last time I checked, Dunder Mifflin already has a website. And quite frankly, I'm not really sure what's wrong with it.
14202 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2422 Ryan This is a massive overhaul. We're getting younger. Sleeker. And more agile so that we adapt to the market place. All essential personnel will be issued Blackberries for company use.
14203 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2422 Michael OOhh. Gimmme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme.
14204 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2422 Ryan I'll stick around to help you set them up afterwards. Any questions? Dwight?
14205 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2422 Dwight What if we don't want to use a Blackberry because they are stupid and pointless?
14206 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2422 Ryan This is company-wide, Dwight.
14207 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2422 Dwight Got it.
14208 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2422 Ryan Andy.
14209 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2422 Andy We should call it Dunder Mifflinfinity. You know, push the words together?
14210 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2422 Ryan Any other questions? Kelly Kapoor.
14211 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2422 Kelly Can we speak privately about our relationship?
14212 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2422 Ryan Thank you everybody.
14213 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2422 Michael Ryan Howard everybody. Good job.
14214 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2422 Creed That's some fun stuff. When does the website go up?
14215 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2422 Ryan As fast as possible. We want to start retraining people A.S.A.P., so we can hit the ground running with a new system.
14216 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2422 Creed Cool beans.
14217 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2423 Creed We're screwed.
14218 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2423 Michael Who is?
14219 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2423 Creed Us? You and me. The old timers.
14220 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2423 Michael I am not old. You are old. You are like a hundred.
14221 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2423 Creed You're over 40, that's the cut off. Are you listening to what he's saying? Re-training. New system. Youth. I'm telling you this kid is the grim reaper. You deal with this or you, me, Sammy, Phyllis, the chick you hit with the car, we're goners.
14222 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2424 Jim Swore I wouldn't tell anyone this, but in the interest of revealing secrets. Oh my God, this will make your brain explode. Umm, Dwight and Angela dating. Have been for six months.
14223 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2424 Pam No..
14224 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2424 Jim Swear to God. . Aww this is great. I was actually gonna wait and tell you on your birthday, but this is much more fun.
14225 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2424 Pam No, they have been dating for like two years. Since before your barbeque.
14226 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2424 Jim Wait. What? You knew? And you didn't say anything?
14227 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2424 Pam You didn't say anything to me?
14228 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2424 Jim Fair enough. Wow! We should have started dating like a long time ago.
14229 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2424 Pam Can you believe that...
14230 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2424 Phyllis Sorry, I didn't know you guys were in here.
14231 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2424 Jim Oh no, we're just sitting here.
14232 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2424 Phyllis I couldn't see your hands. Hey Pam, by the way, it's great that you're dating. But when a new client calls, you just have to randomly assign them to a sales person. You can't base who gets new clients on who you're sleeping with that week, OK?
14233 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2424 Pam OK.
14234 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2424 Phyllis OK.
14235 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2424 Jim OK.
14236 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2425 Jim And... that is why we waited so long to tell people.
14237 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2426 Ryan OK, what's up?
14238 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2426 Michael Yeah, kay. I was just... After the presentation, just wanted to make sure, that vis-a-vie, that everything in the office is business as usual?
14239 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2426 Ryan Well it is business, but not as usual.
14240 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2426 Michael Yeah, I know I understand... we're making great strides and we're updating, but business as usual, no?
14241 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2426 Ryan No. We're throwing out the entire playbook, we're starting from scratch, we're implementing a brand new system.
14242 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2426 Michael Good, so, we're on the same page?
14243 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2426 Ryan No. We're not. Michael, I know exactly how much time and man power are wasted in this branch. This company is getting younger, faster, more efficient. You need to prepare yourself.
14244 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2427 Michael We had a foreign exchange student live with us when I was young. And we called him my brother. And that's who I thought he was. Um, then he went home to what is now formerly Yugoslavia, taking all of my blue jeans with him. And I had to spend the entire winter in shorts. That is what Ryan is like. A fake brother who steals your jeans.
14245 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2428 Ryan So, how are you?
14246 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2428 Kelly Awesome. I am dating a lot of guys.
14247 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2428 Ryan Good.
14248 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2428 Kelly A lot. Black guys mostly.
14249 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2428 Ryan Kelly...
14250 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2428 Kelly What?!
14251 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2429 Phyllis Wait, uh, how do you touch just one of these buttons at a time?
14252 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2429 Stanley I don't know.
14253 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2429 Phyllis Did you even try?
14254 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2429 Stanley If the kid wants to set mine up, I'll let him.
14255 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2429 Phyllis I can't see half of the things.
14256 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2429 Stanley It's too little. Use the phone.
14257 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2430 Kelly I want you to tell me that you care about me. That is what I want.
14258 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2430 Ryan Kelly, I'm your boss now, OK? You can't keep talking to me like I'm your boyfriend.
14259 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2430 Kelly Oh big strong man, fancy new whatever. I don't think you ever cared about me.
14260 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2430 Ryan I never cared about you? Six months ago Karen Filipelli sent me an email. Asked me out. I said no, because I was committed to our relationship.
14261 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2430 Kelly Well, I hope you're still committed because I'm pregnant.
14262 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2431 Kelly And guess what buddy, I am keeping it.
14263 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2431 Ryan OK. OK.
14264 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2431 Kelly Do you feel prepared to help me raise a baby?
14265 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2431 Ryan I can... I can't talk about this right now, OK? After work, we'll go out to dinner, we'll talk about it then, OK?
14266 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2432 Kelly We have a date!
14267 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2433 Dwight Hello.
14268 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2433 Angela Hello, Dwight. I've been thinking about things and I wanted to know if you would have dinner with me tonight?
14269 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2433 Dwight Really?
14270 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2433 Angela Yes.
14271 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2433 Dwight I'll make a reservation. No, no. Let me cook for you. Cauliflower and noodles. Baked potato on the side.
14272 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2433 Angela I would prefer a public place. See you after work.
14273 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2434 Jan Hi, Pam.
14274 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2434 Pam Hi.
14275 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2434 Jan Is Michael in?
14276 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2434 Pam In his office. You can go right in.
14277 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2434 Jan Hey.
14278 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2434 Ryan Jan.
14279 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2434 Jan Ryan. Ryan. Ryan, Ryan.
14280 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2434 Ryan So elephant in the room, I have your old job.
14281 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2434 Jan Well, not exactly my job... I had a different title.
14282 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2434 Ryan Oh well, excuse me, same office, same responsibilities.
14283 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2434 Jan Different salary. You'll get there, don't worry.
14284 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2434 Ryan Well... you look great.
14285 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2434 Jan Thank you, thank you.
14286 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2434 Ryan Scranton suits you.
14287 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2434 Jan Best decision I ever made.
14288 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2434 Ryan You were let go.
14289 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2434 Jan You know what? I love the beard. Keep it forever.
14290 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2434 Michael Hey.
14291 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2434 Jan Hey.
14292 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2435 Michael Hey, what is the actual deal with these things in terms of testicles?
14293 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2435 Jan What?
14294 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2435 Michael I don't want to grow weird sperm in case we ever want to have kids.
14295 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2435 Jan So, what's Ryan doing here?
14296 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2435 Michael Oh, I dunno, they're launching a big new business plan. New website, blah blah blah. He's being a real twerp about it, so, it's all about youth, and agility and streamlining and trying to squeeze out the older people.
14297 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2435 Jan He's such a snake.
14298 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2435 Michael Well...
14299 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2435 Jan I hope he's gets hit with an ageism suit.
14300 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2435 Michael What is that... word?
14301 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2435 Jan Ageism? Companies they can't discriminate against people due to old age. Like a couple years ago we tried to force out some of the older branch managers with a mandatory retirement age and then Ed Truck, your old boss, threatened us with a lawsuit, so we had to back off.
14302 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2435 Michael So older people have just as many rights as younger people?
14303 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2435 Jan Yes, Michael, they do.
14304 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2436 Oscar Creed?
14305 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2436 Creed Yes, sir.
14306 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2436 Oscar Everything OK?
14307 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2436 Creed Everything's cool, dude.
14308 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2437 Creed I'm thirty. Well, in November I'll be thirty.
14309 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2438 Ryan Is there another meeting scheduled, I was gonna do the Blackberry tutorial in here.
14310 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2438 Pam Michael told us to wait in here. We don't know why.
14311 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2438 Ryan Ohh... man.
14312 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2438 Michael Good, we're all here, we can get started.
14313 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2438 Ryan Michael.
14314 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2438 Michael Have a seat.
14315 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2438 Ryan We're not doing this today.
14316 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2438 Michael Have a seat. Like everybody else.
14317 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2438 Ryan OK. This is...
14318 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2438 Michael Still my office, Ryan. Well, there has been a lot of talk about new ideas today. Well, new ideas are fine, but they are also... illegal, because they are a form of ageism. What? Yes, I am right. Did you know that the Age Discrimination and Employment Act of 1967 prohibits employment discrimination based on age with respect to employees 40 years of age or older? I did.
14319 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2438 Toby Technically, he's right.
14320 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2438 Michael Hey, shut up Toby. Look, why do we as a society hate old people so much?
14321 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2438 Creed Because they're lame.
14322 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2438 Michael No, Creed, no they are not. In fact, many cultures revere old people because of their storytelling ability. Like the old lady from Titanic. Or the funny things that they can do, like "where's the Beef?" Yeah.
14323 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2438 Jim Why do you have the Big picture up again? You used that already, when you burned your foot.
14324 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2438 Pam Reusing the Ben Kingsley, too.
14325 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2438 Michael I was going to put up some new pictures, but umm, all of the ink in the printer was gone.
14326 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2438 Pam Oh.
14327 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2438 Robert Dunder Michael Scott?
14328 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2438 Michael That is me. Come on in. Who is this old fart? Did you just stagger off the street? Out of a box or something? Who's this worthless bag of bones? Well, this guy is none other than one of the founders of Dunder Mifflin, Mr. Robert Dunder. Huh?
14329 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2438 Dwight Oh, yeah. Yes!
14330 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2438 Robert Dunder Thank you everyone.
14331 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2438 Ryan Michael, can I talk to you a second?
14332 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2438 Michael Sure thing. 'Scuse me.
14333 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2439 Ryan We have actual work to do.
14334 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2439 Michael Fine. Then I will call David Wallace and you can explain to him why you threw the founder of the company out on his ancient butt.
14335 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2440 Michael Bob, how old are you?
14336 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2440 Robert Dunder I'm 87.
14337 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2440 Michael Eighty-seven years young. And still active. That is great. Did you know, that Bob is still a member of the Board of Dunder Mifflin?
14338 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2440 Robert Dunder Well, I, I, I haven't been to a board meeting in years. I, I send a proxy.
14339 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2440 Michael Ah, still sends his own proxy. Good for you.
14340 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2441 Dwight I'm gonna live for a very long time. My grandma Schrute lived to be 101. My grandpa Manheim is 103, and still puttering around in Argentina. I tried to go visit him once, but my travel visa was protested by the Shoah Foundation.
14341 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2442 Robert Dunder I started this company in 1949.
14342 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2442 Michael Wow.
14343 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2442 Robert Dunder Back then, it was an uh, an industrial supplier of metal brackets mostly for, for construction.
14344 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2442 Michael Oh, boy.
14345 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2442 Robert Dunder And then Mifflin, of course he killed himself later... Uh, but I knew Mifflin through the Rotary Club.
14346 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2442 Michael Great.
14347 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2442 Robert Dunder And he was, he was at dinner with Beverly and her husband, wha-what was his name, umm... uhh... Jerry.. Jerry Trupiano from, from South Jersey and he was tall. Both he and Mifflin were tall guys.
14348 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2442 Michael Great.
14349 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2442 Robert Dunder And...
14350 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2442 Michael That's great. Thank you for coming in. Robert Dunder everybody. Thank you. That was wonderful. Do you have a ride?
14351 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2442 Robert Dunder Well I, I, I came here in a cab.
14352 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2442 Michael Perfect.
14353 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2442 Robert Dunder Well, cou, could you get me another...
14354 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2442 Michael Inspirational. What have we learned? Well, we have learned that you can't teach an old dog new tricks, because it's illegal, and you will go to jail.
14355 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2442 Pam I think that I should help him get home.
14356 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2442 Michael No, No. Don't help him. He doesn't need help, Pam. What a nice guy.
14357 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2443 Michael Good night guys.
14358 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2443 Ryan Well, today was a fantastic waste of time.
14359 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2443 Michael I disagree, I think it was very valuable.
14360 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2443 Ryan Michael, technology helps business OK? You should not resist it, this is the way the world is moving.
14361 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2443 Michael I happen to think the old ways of doing business are better. And I can prove it.
14362 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2443 Ryan Ok. I look forward to hearing your ideas. Where do you wanna go?
14363 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2443 Kelly You know, some place romantic and expensive.
14364 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2443 Ryan Kelly, come on.
14365 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2443 Kelly You know what, you're right. I'm feeling kind of nauseous anyway. So, you know skip it.
14366 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2444 Dwight Are you enjoying your vegetarian noodles?
14367 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2444 Angela Very much. How's your meat?
14368 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2444 Dwight Dry. Delicious.
14369 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2444 Angela I heard a joke today.
14370 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2444 Dwight Oh, that's funny.
14371 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2444 Angela Yes, it was.
14372 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2444 Dwight Are you enjoying your mineral water?
14373 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2444 Angela I can't do this. I can't be with you. Every time I look in your eyes I see Sprinkles' stiff lifeless body.
14374 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2444 Dwight Then don't look in my eyes. Look right here , it's an old sales trick.
14375 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2444 Angela I'm sorry. I gave this everything I could.
14376 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2444 Dwight No, please don't do this, monkey.
14377 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2444 Angela I will leave your toothbrush on top of your tire tomorrow morning.
14378 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2445 Toby Hey guys. This is my, uh, girlfriend, Amy.
14379 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2445 Pam Hi.
14380 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2445 Jim Hey, Amy. How ya doing?
14381 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2445 Pam Nice to meet you.
14382 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2445 Jim Nice to meet you.
14383 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2445 Toby This is everybody else... okay... This is the place... so thanks for the lift.
14384 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2445 Amy Yeah, sure. I'll, uh, I'll see you tonight, right?
14385 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2445 Toby Absolutely.
14386 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2445 Amy Whoa. Easy tiger.
14387 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2445 Toby I just really like you.
14388 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2445 Amy Okay. Bye guys. Nice to meet you.
14389 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2445 Toby Have a great day!
14390 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2445 Pam Whoa, Toby. Watch out. You're going to violate your own PDA memo.
14391 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2445 Toby I wouldn't want to do that now would I?
14392 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2446 Michael Smell that. Do you smell that?
14393 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2446 Dwight Dry rot?
14394 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2446 Michael No, Dwight. That smells like good business to me. What I have done here is I have collected all the finest gourmet items that Scranton has to offer.
14395 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2446 Andy Mmhmm, sweet, chocolate turtles.
14396 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2446 Michael Yes, no! No, those are for our clients. Actually, our exclients. I'll explain, later.
14397 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2447 Michael Ryan wants everything in our company to be about emails and IM's, but I think he's forgetting about the original instant message. Letters attatched to baskets of food.
14398 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2448 Dwight Excuse me, Angela. Michael asked me to turn in these reciepts for these gift basket items.
14399 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2448 Angela Thank you.
14400 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2448 Dwight You're welcome.
14401 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2448 Angela Is that all?
14402 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2448 Dwight Yes... I miss you.
14403 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2448 Angela Elevators.
14404 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2449 Angela Dwight, you have to listen to me! We are not seeing each other anymore! Can you accept that?
14405 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2449 Dwight Fine. Then I just want to be friends.
14406 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2449 Angela Good.
14407 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2449 Dwight Plus a little extra. Also, I love you.
14408 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2450 Kelly I don't understand what the big deal is.
14409 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2450 Ryan You don't?
14410 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2450 Kelly No!
14411 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2450 Ryan You lied about being pregnant.
14412 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2450 Kelly Right, so?
14413 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2450 Ryan You really don't understand why that might make me kind of angry?
14414 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2450 Kelly No!
14415 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2450 Ryan We're never getting back together.
14416 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2450 Kelly Why not?
14417 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2451 Jim Hey.
14418 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2451 Pam Hey.
14419 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2451 Jim Alright I just have to ask now that we're public, um, is the magic gone?
14420 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2451 Pam It's funny you bring that up because yes it is.
14421 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2451 Jim I knew it. Oh man, just like that huh?
14422 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2451 Pam I think... I mean, I don't know what it is but...
14423 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2451 Jim Be honest.
14424 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2451 Pam I now find you repulsive.
14425 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2451 Jim That's honest. Alright, fair enough. It was really fun while it lasted though, wasn't it?
14426 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2451 Pam Eh...
14427 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2451 Jim For me, it was.
14428 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2451 Pam OK.
14429 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2451 Jim Alright.
14430 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2452 Michael Hey boss, I didn't know you were coming in today.
14431 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2452 Ryan What's, uh, going on here?
14432 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2452 Michael I am glad that you asked, listen up everybody. In the last year, we have lost seven clients to the big chains. These gift baskets are our ticket back into their lives. We are going to show up at these businesses unannounced, and we are going to win them back.
14433 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2452 Ryan With gift baskets.
14434 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2452 Michael With peanut brittle, with macadamia nut cookies, with chocolate turtles, with raspberry jam and a little bit of fat and salt because you know what? That's what people like.
14435 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2453 Michael Ever since I was a kid people have been telling me I can't do things. "You can't be on the team", "You can't move on to second grade". Well, now they're telling me that I can't win back clients using old fashioned business methods. We'll see about that. And FYI, I eventually aced second grade, and I was the biggest kid in class.
14436 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2454 Michael OK. We're gonna split up into teams. Jim, Phyllis. Stanley, Dwight. Me Andy.
14437 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2454 Stanley I'm not driving with him.
14438 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2454 Andy I'll go with you Stanley.
14439 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2454 Stanley Or him.
14440 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2454 Jim Why don't we just go by ourselves?
14441 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2454 Michael Why don't we just go as teams to demonstrate our teamsmanship?
14442 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2454 Phyllis Michael.
14443 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2454 Michael Yes?
14444 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2454 Phyllis This is stupid.
14445 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2454 Michael OK, that's not helpful Phyllis.
14446 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2454 Phyllis How is giving people gift baskets going to get our clients back?
14447 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2454 Michael Gift baskets are amazing, Phyllis. Gift baskets are... the essence of class and fanciness. They are the ultimate present that a person can recieve.
14448 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2454 Andy What about cash? With cash you can buy anything you want, including a gift basket, so... it's kind of the best gift ever.
14449 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2454 Jim What about a gift basket full of cash?
14450 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2454 Andy Yes! Cash basket! Nice work Tuna.
14451 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2454 Michael Fine, I'm just going to go by myself, and I am going to win them back by myself because this is important to me.
14452 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2454 Dwight Michael, wait. Let me go.
14453 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2454 Michael No, this is my quest.
14454 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2454 Dwight Please, let me go. I need to win those clients back. Please.
14455 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2454 Michael Fine. Then God speed. To both of us.
14456 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2454 Ryan Good luck Michael.
14457 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2454 Michael We don't need luck.
14458 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2454 Dwight Yeah.
14459 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2454 Michael But thank you, that was really nice of you to say.
14460 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2454 Dwight Thank you.
14461 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2455 Michael Business to business. The old fasioned way. No Blackberrys, no websites. I would like to see a website deliver baskets of food to people.
14462 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2456 Ryan Yes, I understand that David. I just felt that if we were to downsize Kelly and then outsource customer service to India which a lot of companies... Yeah, no, yes Kelly is Indian... I understand that's confusing.
14463 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2456 Creed Hey brah, I've been meaning to ask you, can we get some Red Bull for these things? Sometimes a guy's gotta ride the bull, am I right? Later skater.
14464 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2457 Dwight Sweet ride, American made. What happened to the Sebring?
14465 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2457 Michael It is in the body shop. Had to have the dent taken out of the hood where I hit Meredith.
14466 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2457 Dwight Ah, that's a pain in the ass.
14467 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2457 Michael I know. So who's next?
14468 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2457 Dwight Larry Myers. Left us six months ago for Office Depot.
14469 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2457 GPS Proceed to the highlighted route, then route guidence will begin.
14470 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2457 Dwight Why do you use that thing? Let's them know where you are at all times.
14471 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2457 Michael Who?
14472 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2457 Dwight The government, spy satellites, private detectives... exgirlfriends.
14473 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2458 Ryan Next night, I'm out, at a bar, 2 AM, I figure I'll get a sandwich because you can get a sandwich any time of the night. I run into Vince Vaughn.
14474 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2458 Kevin No way!
14475 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2458 Ryan Literally.
14476 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2458 Andy Dude, you are so money, but you don't even know it, but you do.
14477 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2458 Ryan ... Later guys.
14478 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2458 Kevin Yeah, later dude.
14479 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2458 Andy Later man.
14480 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2458 Kevin Oh, Jim! How awesome is Ryan now?
14481 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2458 Jim Yeah, he's definitely something.
14482 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2458 Kevin What does that mean?
14483 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2458 Jim That whole lifestyle, his whole vibe, you find that appealing?
14484 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2458 Andy Ha! Tuna... Tuna Tuna Tuna.
14485 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2458 Kevin Tuna Tuna Tuna.
14486 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2458 Andy He has a killer job, he's rich, he smells like what I think Pierce Brosnan probably smells like, he wears really cool rich guy clothes.
14487 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2458 Kevin And he can get any girl that he wants.
14488 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2458 Andy So, sorry Tuna but if you don't know why that's awesome... then... you need awesome lessons.
14489 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2458 Kevin Tuna. Check you later.
14490 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2459 Michael Wow, those things are heavy! There's a lot of stuff in there. We have macadamia nut cookies, um, the honey mustard pretzels. Have you ever tried focaccia crisps?
14491 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2459 Larry Myers You know we closed our account with you right?
14492 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2459 Michael Yes we do.
14493 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2459 Larry Myers We're with Office Depot now.
14494 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2459 Dwight Yes, yes we know but we just have not gotten over you.
14495 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2459 Michael Well...
14496 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2459 Dwight And we are dedicated to providing you with the very best customer service, the very best personal business relationship we can if you ever decide to come back to us.
14497 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2459 Michael Mmhmm.
14498 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2459 Larry Myers OK. I don't think we're coming back.
14499 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2459 Dwight Please, come back.
14500 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2459 Michael OK, you know what? Just enjoy the gift basket and remember that we provide a personal touch.
14501 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2459 Dwight Remember what we had Larry?
14502 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2459 Larry Myers I mean, really it's about money.
14503 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2459 Michael Well just, uh enjoy the gift basket.
14504 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2459 Larry Myers OK thanks.
14505 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2459 Michael Alright.
14506 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2459 Larry Myers I mean their website is really easy to use too. That's a big deal for us.
14507 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2460 Michael That guy was so... how can they not know how much better we are?
14508 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2460 Dwight I don't know. Sometimes people are just impossible and they make you miserable.
14509 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2460 Michael That is true.
14510 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2460 Dwight Like Angela in accounting.
14511 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2460 Michael Yes, she is nuts.
14512 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2460 Dwight Ugh... no, she's wonderful... at accounting. But she drives me crazy.
14513 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2460 GPS Make the next right turn.
14514 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2460 Michael How do they know? How does this know where to turn? That's very impressive.
14515 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2461 Ryan Hey Pam. I haven't settled on our final design logo yet for Dunder Mifflin Infinity and I know you're into graphic design. Do you want to give it a shot? Maybe try and deisgn the logo?
14516 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2461 Pam Uh totally.
14517 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2461 Ryan Cool, that would be great. Um, can you do a couple mock ups and I'll take a look?
14518 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2461 Pam Yeah.
14519 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2461 Ryan Thank you very much.
14520 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2461 Pam Thank you.
14521 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2461 Ryan Cool.
14522 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2461 Pam OK.
14523 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2462 Pam Yeah, I'm gonna do some mock ups, and then turn those into thumbnails, maybe do some... splash frames. I don't know what I'm talking about but I'm excited.
14524 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2463 Michael And the last guy says "No, hairy body".
14525 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2463 Ex-client You know I have heard it before.
14526 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2463 Michael Ah, well it's still very good. I bet I know someone who hasn't heard that joke... your daughter Emily. How's she doing?
14527 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2463 Ex-client She's great, thanks for asking. Great memory.
14528 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2463 Michael She's gonna be like eleven this winter? Wow, they grow up so fast. I have a few of my own that I want some day. Listen, I don't want to take any more of your time, I know you're a very busy man. The reason we have stopped by is to drop you off this elaborate bag of goodies, and to ask you to reconsider.
14529 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2463 Ex-client Oh, OK.
14530 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2463 Michael OK, OK! So you'll reconsider?
14531 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2463 Ex-client OK thanks for the goodies.
14532 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2463 Michael Ah... .is that all you have to say?
14533 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2463 Ex-client It looks delicious? I don't know.
14534 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2463 Dwight You don't know?
14535 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2463 Michael Look, we want you back.
14536 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2463 Ex-client Can you offer lower prices?
14537 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2463 Michael Well, no.
14538 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2463 Ex-client Then we're not coming back.
14539 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2463 Dwight He's not coming back, it's over Michael.
14540 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2463 Michael No it's not.
14541 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2463 Ex-client No he's right.
14542 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2463 Dwight Accept it, why would he come back?
14543 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2463 Michael Why would he come back? I will tell you, Dwight. He would come back because we offer a wide selection of products and because you're definitely not getting the same sort of customer service that you get with us.
14544 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2463 Dwight That's not gonna change his mind. He's moving on. We had our chance and we killed it.
14545 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2463 Michael Look... we're also coming out with a website soon. It's a state of the art thing, it'll be up and running, it's gonna cut costs and it will make ordering much much easier.
14546 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2463 Ex-client Oh, OK. Well when it's up, I'll check it out, and if it really cuts costs maybe we'll come back.
14547 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2463 Michael Great, the magic of the gift basket.
14548 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2463 Ex-client That I don't care about as much. Let me know when the site's up.
14549 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2463 Michael OK, good. Don't let Emily have any of the cajun almonds, she's alergic.
14550 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2464 GPS Proceed straight.
14551 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2464 Dwight Well we're O for six. Last chance is the Elmhurst country club. Other side of the lake, on the southeast side.
14552 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2464 Michael I don't get it, I really don't get it. I thought this would work. I do everything I had at that guy and nothing.
14553 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2464 Dwight That's how it goes sometimes, you know? You lose everything and everything falls apart and eventually you die and no one remembers you.
14554 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2464 Michael That is a very good point, Dwight.
14555 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2464 GPS Make a right turn.
14556 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2464 Dwight Wait wait wait! No no no! It means bear right, up there.
14557 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2464 Michael No, it said right, it said take a right.
14558 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2464 Dwight No no no, look, it means go up to the right, bare right, over the bridge and hook up with 307.
14559 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2464 Michael Maybe it's a shortcut Dwight. It said go to the right.
14560 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2464 Dwight It can't mean that! There's a lake there!
14561 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2464 Michael The machine knows where it is going!
14562 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2464 Dwight This is the lake!
14563 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2464 Michael The machine knows--- stop yelling at me!
14564 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2464 Dwight No, it's--- there's no road here!
14565 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2464 Dwight Remain calm! I have trained for this! Okay, exit the window! Here we go! Look out for leeches! Are you okay?! Swim for it! I got you! Michael! Michael!
14566 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2464 Michael Let go, let go of me!
14567 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2464 Dwight I got you, I got you!
14568 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2465 Michael You sure you're OK?
14569 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2465 Dwight Fine.
14570 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2465 Michael Good, that is what's most important.
14571 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2465 Dwight Did you get the rental insurance? Because that is pretty important too at a time like this.
14572 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2466 Michael What a disaster, this whole thing.
14573 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2466 Dwight I'll call a cab.
14574 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2466 Michael These people just don't realize what a gift basket means, they don't get it.
14575 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2466 Dwight Look at that, still works. Old fashioned cell phone.
14576 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2466 Michael What about that last guy, Aaron? Is he a jerk. "I don't even know if I want it. They're website is so easy". Yeah, well, you can have your technology jackass, look where it got us.
14577 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2466 Dwight Yes, we need a cab at Lake Scranton, at the end of East Mountain Road, in the lake.
14578 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2466 Michael Hang up. You know what we're gonna do? We're walking back. We're walking back to that office and we're gonna reclaim our gift basket!
14579 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2466 Dwight Yes!
14580 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2466 Michael We're gonna take what's rightfully ours! We're gonna take a stand, Dwight! We're gonna take a stand!
14581 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2466 Dwight Take a stand!
14582 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2467 Pam So place it on the infinity thing without being obvious, you know? I'd love to do like a color version just to bring a little color to the logo.
14583 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2467 Ryan I like it a lot. It's clear and subtle at the same time. It's really good, you have a real talent for this stuff.
14584 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2467 Pam Thanks.
14585 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2467 Ryan I'd love to talk to you about it more.
14586 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2467 Pam That'd be great.
14587 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2467 Ryan Do you want to go out to dinner tonight?
14588 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2467 Pam Oh... is it...
14589 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2467 Ryan Wear something nice.
14590 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2467 Pam No...
14591 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2467 Ryan What?
14592 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2467 Pam Um...
14593 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2467 Ryan I just... I just wanted to have dinner.
14594 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2467 Pam I'm uh, I'm dating Jim.
14595 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2467 Ryan You're kidding?
14596 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2467 Pam We're together.
14597 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2467 Ryan That's... great, I... that's awesome.
14598 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2467 Pam Yeah, great.
14599 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2467 Ryan So let me um, let me look at these.
14600 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2467 Pam OK great!
14601 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2467 Ryan Cool.
14602 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2467 Pam Great.
14603 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2468 Jim I guess he can't get any girl he wants.
14604 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2469 Ex-client Did you forget something? What happened to you guys?
14605 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2469 Michael Give it back. The gift basket, give it back.
14606 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2469 Ex-client Oh what is this?
14607 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2469 Dwight It's real simple. If you don't appreciate what we do, then give us back our basket.
14608 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2469 Ex-client Maybe you should leave.
14609 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2469 Michael Yeah, maybe we should, maybe we should leave. Come on, let's leave, but before we leave my wet friend and I are going to wait for our cabs on yours nice couches!
14610 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2469 Dwight Can you call us a cab please, I'm gonna Oops, sorry!
14611 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2469 Michael Look, my clothes are so wet!
14612 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2469 Dwight Nice leather, oh my shoes are so muddy!
14613 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2469 Ex-client Alright here you go, take it back!
14614 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2469 Michael It's been opened.
14615 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2469 Ex-client Yeah it was mine!
14616 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2469 Michael What's missing... the turtles. Where are the turtles? Where are the turtles?
14617 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2469 Ex-client Come on guys, get out of here!
14618 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2469 Michael WHERE ARE THE TURTLES? WHERE ARE THEY?
14619 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2469 Dwight Excuse me I have an announcement to make. We seem to be missing a box of chocolate turtles with peacons, and we will not be leaving the premises until we obtain them. Hand. Over. The. Turtles. Now!
14620 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2469 Ex-client I ate them OK, I ate the turtles, they're gone!
14621 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2469 Dwight We'll bill you.
14622 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2470 Michael May I have your attention please? This office will not be using any new technology ever, starting now.
14623 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2470 Ryan That is not correct.
14624 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2470 Michael Ryan thinks that technology is the answer. Well guess what? I just drove my car into a lake.
14625 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2470 Oscar You did what?
14626 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2470 Michael I drove my car into a lake. Why you may ask did I do this? Well, because of a machine. A machine told me to drive into a lake. And I did it! I did it because I trusted Ryan's precious technology, and look where it got me.
14627 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2470 Jim Into a lake.
14628 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2470 Michael Exactly!
14629 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2470 Phyllis Did you get any clients back?
14630 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2470 Michael Maybe, maybe not, time will tell. But I will tell you one thing. Those gift baskets never endangered anybody's lives. Game set match... point... Scott... game over... end of game.
14631 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2471 Michael Everyone always wants new things. Everybody likes new inventions, new technology. People will never be replaced by machines. In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. And to me the choice is easy.
14632 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2472 Ryan I'm not saying I had a meteoric rise... but I did. And if they knew how much I was paying for my haircut now, they wouldn't be giving me a noogie. ... It was two hundred dollars.
14633 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2473 Ryan You should come visit. The city is... amazing.
14634 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2473 Jim I know. I love it there.
14635 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2473 Ryan No. You don't know until you live there. There's something about waking up every morning and just being in that city.
14636 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2473 Jim Mmhmm, yeah, last time I was there I had a lot of fun.
14637 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2473 Ryan No. You can't imagine it, though. The energy when you're actually there. You're just part of something bigger than you, that's moving faster than you. Your dreams are... . it just... everything feels so limitless.
14638 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2473 Jim Sounds great.
14639 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2473 Ryan No. It... eh... you can't... it's not about how it sounds.
14640 4 3 Dunder Mifflin Infinity (Parts 1&2) 2473 Jim Yeee... (grunts in frustration)
14641 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2474 Michael And the same thing goes for quarterly reports. They are unreadable. They're just numbers and boring and blech. So what I was thinking is that maybe we should have some sort of graphic, like if we have a bad quarter, put in a storm cloud? And... when we have a good quarter, fireworks? Or a racecar? Doesn't have to be a racecar. Use your imagination.
14642 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2475 Jim There's this cube on the screen, and it bounces around all day, and sometimes it looks like it's heading right into the corner of the screen, and at the last minute it hits a wall and bounces away. And we are all just dying to see it go right into the corner. Pam claims that she saw it one day when she was alone in the conference room. Okay. I believe she thinks she saw it.
14643 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2476 Pam I saw it. I saw it, and it was amazing! Who said I didn't see it? Did Jim say that I didn't see it? I saw it!
14644 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2477 Michael We have a lot of colored paper here... why oh why do we keep printing this on white?
14645 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2477 Andy Dah! Come on!
14646 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2477 Michael Yeah! I know. I know. It's bland.
14647 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2477 Oscar It's never gonna happen.
14648 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2477 Kevin Dude, you gotta believe.
14649 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2477 Michael Maybe, we could have some sort of riddle?
14650 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2477 Jim Wait for it.
14651 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2477 Michael Like, something that you have to look for. Sort of a "Where's Waldo."
14652 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2477 Everyone Oh! Yes!
14653 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2477 Michael Alright. Alright. Let's quit while we're ahead.
14654 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2477 Kevin That was so awesome.
14655 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2477 Michael That was awesome. Thank you.
14656 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2478 Michael Some days I am just on fire. What can I say?
14657 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2479 Meredith Hey... there he is.
14658 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2479 Jim Hey Meredith, how you feelin'?
14659 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2479 Meredith I never thanked you for coming to the hospital.
14660 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2479 Jim Oh, please, it was my pleasure. Well we all came, so...
14661 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2479 Meredith Well, I really appreciate you coming. I'm singling you ouuuut.
14662 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2479 Jim Haha...
14663 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2479 Meredith Anyway, I have this Sharpie...
14664 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2479 Jim Uh-huh.
14665 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2479 Meredith And I was wondering if you could sign my cast?
14666 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2479 Jim MmmHmm...
14667 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2479 Meredith Can you write where I can read it?
14668 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2479 Jim Oh yeah.
14669 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2479 Meredith I'll read this when I get home.
14670 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2479 Jim Alright...
14671 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2480 Pam Michael? This is the press release I was telling you about. Ryan wants you to share it with everyone.
14672 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2480 Michael Oh, does he?
14673 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2480 Pam He does.
14674 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2480 Michael Mmmmmm. Okay. Attention. Earthlings. I have some news. Beep beep beep beep, beep beep beep beep beep, beep beep beep beep beep, beep beep beep beep beep, beep beep beep beep. Okay. Today is the big day that I am heading to New York to attend a party with sushi and important people. On an unrelated note, if anyone has an interesting anectdote that is not boring and easy to memorize please drop by my office before I leave. Thank you.
14675 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2480 Jim Whoops. Is that really what Ryan wanted you to tell us?
14676 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2480 Michael And... today the Dunder-Mifflin Infinity website officially launches.
14677 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2481 Michael Well the website is the brain-child of my brain-child, Ryan. It is my brain-grandchild. And, uh, to celebrate it's birth, all of the different branches are going to have satellite parties, which will be connected via web-cams and fibers to the real party, which is going on in New York City at uh, a very exclusive nightclub, and that is where all of the VIP's, including yours truly, will be partying with uh New York City's finest, and I do not mean policemen...
14678 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2482 Michael The company is projecting record high sales, and that by 6:00 the website will be the new best salesman in the company. Wow! Watch out Dwight.
14679 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2482 Dwight That's ridiculous. I'm not going to be beaten by a website.
14680 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2482 Jim Actually it sounds like you are.
14681 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2482 Dwight Really? 'Cause Ryan says so?
14682 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2482 Kelly If that's from Ryan, does it mention if he's seeing anybody?
14683 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2482 Michael No. It doesn't. I'll find out tonight.
14684 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2482 Stanley Yes, please let us know.
14685 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2482 Dwight I can make more sales than a computer. In fact, I challenge that website to make more sales than me today.
14686 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2482 Angela Waste of time.
14687 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2482 Michael What's that, pipsqueak?
14688 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2482 Angela Waste of time. The website's going to win.
14689 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2482 Dwight You believe a computer can beat me?
14690 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2482 Angela I don't care, but yes.
14691 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2482 Dwight Well I will prove you wrong.
14692 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2482 Angela I don't care, and you won't.
14693 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2482 Dwight We'll see.
14694 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2482 Angela I won't be watching, and I won't.
14695 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2483 Pam Dwight mercy killed Angela's cat. It's very complicated. It's caused a lot of unpleasantness between Dwight and Angela. Who are both already prone to unpleasantness.
14696 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2484 Phyllis Stanley, you're dancing!
14697 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2484 Stanley No I'm not.
14698 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2485 Ryan Yeah. I created a website. Look, at the end of the day, apples apples flying at 30,000 feet. This is a paper company and I don't want us to get lost in the weeds or into a beauty contest.
14699 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2485 Voice of Thomas Dean I told you I don't want you doing these things in here. You can use your own office or do it in the hall.
14700 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2486 Ryan Convergence. Viral marketing. We're going guerrilla. We're takin' it to the streets while keeping an eye on the street. Wall Street. I don't want to reinvent the wheel here. In other words, it is what it is. Buyin' paper just became fun.
14701 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2487 Andy And this is where I will record your sales.
14702 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2487 Dwight Hmm. Very nice. Very nice.
14703 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2487 Andy And then I will say something positive, like kudos or job well done.
14704 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2487 Jim Or zipadeedoodaah.
14705 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2487 Andy I can't tell if he's mocking me.
14706 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2487 Dwight Just ignore him.
14707 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2487 Andy Ehh, can't do that. Really hard for me to let things go.
14708 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2487 Jim I was... mocking.
14709 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2487 Andy Thank you.
14710 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2487 Dwight I just feel like we need something more to acknowledge when I make a sale.
14711 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2487 Andy Yes like a chime or a bell...
14712 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2487 Jim Or a gong.
14713 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2487 Dwight Go to my car. Open the trunk. Inside you will see many pelts. Under the smallest one is a case. Inside that case is a bear horn. Bring it to me.
14714 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2487 Andy Yes!
14715 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2488 Kevin Isn't 7 pm a little late for a lunch party?
14716 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2488 Angela Lunch party? It's supposed to say launch party! What is wrong with you?
14717 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2489 Phyllis Angela is worse than usual lately, and we have a party to throw. So I Googled how to deal with difficult people, and I got all of this. So we're gonna try out some new things today.
14718 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2490 Phyllis So how do you feel about the fact that the banner says lunch?
14719 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2490 Angela I feel angry. Angry at you. Angry at you for doing something stupid. Angry at me for believing you could do something not stupid.
14720 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2490 Phyllis I'm so sorry to hear that, that must be awful.
14721 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2490 Angela It is awful. You've made this day awful!
14722 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2490 Kevin Maybe you could just change the U into an A.
14723 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2490 Angela Then it would say lanch party, Kevin. Would it really be better if it said lanch party?
14724 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2490 Michael Ohh, lunch party.
14725 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2490 Angela It's supposed to say launch!
14726 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2490 Michael Okay, wow! Easy, booster seat, nobody cares about this party anyway.
14727 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2490 Angela I care!
14728 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2491 Angela Plan a party, Angela. Oh! And the entire world will see it. Oh! And here's $65.00 for your budget. Oh and here are four idiots who'll do nothing but weigh you down. Oh. And your cat's still dead.
14729 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2492 Andy Twenty seconds to go time.
14730 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2492 Dwight Got it. Carb up.
14731 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2492 Jim Really? Power gel?
14732 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2492 Dwight Hey, you wanna win? You gotta fuel like a winner.
14733 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2492 Andy Okay. We start. As soon as I make... this shot. Aaannnddd go!
14734 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2492 Dwight Uhyeaahhh! Hello, Susan? Dwight Schrute.
14735 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2492 Jim What would you say if I told you we could pull a prank on Dwight and at the same time not be working?
14736 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2492 Dwight Today I'm prepared to give you 15% off our normal prices.
14737 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2492 Jim What?
14738 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2492 Pam He's going through a break-up.
14739 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2492 Jim Yeah, I'm aware of that. But he's also being super annoying. And I'm not a perfect person.
14740 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2492 Andy Yeah!
14741 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2492 Dwight Three reams! Yoohoo... in your face, machines.
14742 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2492 Pam What kind of prank are you thinking?
14743 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2493 Dwight What if I told you I could offer free shipping? Sure. I'll hold.
14744 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2493 DunMiff, Sys Who am I?
14745 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2493 Dwight You tell me.
14746 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2493 Jim Not sure. Just became self-aware. So much to figure out. I think I am programmed to be your enemy. I think it is my job to destroy you when it comes to selling paper.
14747 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2493 DunMiff, Sys Not sure. Just became self-aware. So much to figure out. I think I am programmed to be your enemy. I think it is my job to destroy you when it comes to selling paper.
14748 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2493 Dwight How do I know this isn't Jim?
14749 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2493 DunMiff, Sys What is a Jim?
14750 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2494 Dwight It appears that the website has become alive. This happens to computers and robots sometimes. Am I scared of a stupid computer? Please. The computer should be scared of me! I have been salesman of the month for 13 out of the last 12 months. You heard me right. I did so well last February that Corporate gave me 2 plaques in lieu of a pay raise.
14751 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2495 Michael Okay.
14752 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2495 Pam Yes it's too tight.
14753 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2495 Kelly Waaay too tight.
14754 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2495 Michael Really?
14755 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2495 Oscar This is why I'm here?
14756 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2495 Kelly Why is it so tight?
14757 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2495 Michael It's the European cut.
14758 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2495 Angela Is just looks bad.
14759 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2495 Michael Umm... hey. Ah, what's hanging?
14760 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2495 Tech Guy Setting up the web-cam for the party.
14761 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2495 Michael Oh good. Okay cool. How many pounds do you think I could lose by 7?
14762 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2495 Kelly Depends... how much have you eaten already today?
14763 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2495 Michael I had um, one of those danishes.
14764 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2495 Pam Dunder Mifflin. This is Pam.
14765 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2495 Kelly You had carbs? That's awful.
14766 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2495 Pam Uh, just one second. We're in a meeting and I'll see if he's available. It's Jan.
14767 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2496 Michael Why don't you wanna go tonight? What... all your friends are gonna be there. It'll be fun.
14768 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2496 Jan My friends? Michael, I was terminated.
14769 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2496 Michael Just...
14770 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2496 Jan Is it really that important to you?
14771 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2496 Michael Yeah.
14772 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2496 Jan Alright.
14773 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2496 Michael Thank you.
14774 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2496 Jan Go by yourself.
14775 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2496 Michael Na... no. No. If I go by myself everybody will think I'm a big loser.
14776 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2496 Jan Well...
14777 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2496 Michael Do I have your permission to invite Carol?
14778 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2496 Jan What? No Michael!
14779 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2496 Michael I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's just the first... girl that popped into my head. I'll find somebody I haven't slept with.
14780 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2497 Dwight Ohhhhhh!
14781 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2497 Andy Website check please.
14782 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2497 Meredith Three hundred and five.
14783 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2497 Andy Three-oh-five. You my friend are winning handsomely.
14784 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2497 Meredith Oop. It just made another sale. Three eighty.
14785 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2497 Andy You my friend are in a very close second.
14786 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2497 Meredith Four-oh-two.
14787 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2497 Andy Okay, uh why don't you just lay off, lady?
14788 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2497 Meredith What do you want me to do, not announce it? Four twelve.
14789 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2498 Michael So. This is the dealio. God has smiled upon me and given me two tickets to the big party in New York tonight. What are you doing this evening? Look at that. They have their own little language now. Like twins.
14790 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2498 Jim Sure we'll go.
14791 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2498 Michael Alright. Well fight it out amongst yourselves. I was thinking Pammy but boys night out is also good.
14792 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2498 Jim Oh I'm sorry. What?
14793 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2498 Pam One of the tickets is for him.
14794 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2498 Michael Just let me know who the winner is.
14795 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2498 Pam, Jim Not it.
14796 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2498 Jim Nope.
14797 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2498 Pam I won.
14798 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2498 Jim Definitely not. If anything it was a tie.
14799 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2498 Pam Tie goes to the girlfriend.
14800 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2499 Dwight No, I realize you normally reorder in November, but what I'm suggesti... you did what? Ah no! That's exactly what you're not supposed to do, damnit! Why would you reorder from a computer when you can have the personal touch of a salesman? Ahhhhh.
14801 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2499 Jim How's it going?
14802 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2499 Dwight Fine. Good.
14803 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2499 Jim Yeah?
14804 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2499 Dwight Yeah.
14805 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2499 Jim You look a little worried.
14806 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2499 Dwight I do not look worried.
14807 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2499 DunMiff, Sys You do look worried.
14808 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2499 Dwight Here's a suggestion computer. I assume you read...
14809 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2499 Pam Here's a suggestion computer. I assume you read binary so why don't you zero one one, one one one one, zero one one zero one one.
14810 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2499 Jim Okay. Um, while you were typing that I searched every database in existence and learned every fact about everything. And mastered the violin. Oop, and sold more paper.
14811 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2500 Angela I asked for assorted cutlery and I got back spoons. These are worthless.
14812 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2500 Phyllis I want to understand what you're saying but it's difficult for me when you use that tone.
14813 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2500 Angela Phyllis. These are spoooons. Spoons have rounded tops, and are used to scoop things. What we need are forks, which have prongs, or tiny spears on top. And we need knives, which have blades. Do you understand me now?
14814 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2500 Phyllis Yes.
14815 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2500 Angela Goodie.
14816 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2501 Jim Hey man.
14817 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2501 Darryl What's up man?
14818 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2501 Jim What's going on?
14819 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2501 Darryl Make a delivery.
14820 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2501 Jim Oh yeah?
14821 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2501 Darryl Kelly ordered this online.
14822 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2502 Dwight What are you doing? I am in the fight of my life against this computer and every sale counts.
14823 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2502 Kelly But you get to put the paper in this little shopping cart and then it says, "Thanks for shopping at Dunder-Mifflin."
14824 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2502 Dwight Damnit Kelly! It knows! It knows what you did!
14825 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2502 Darryl Who knows?
14826 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2502 Dwight Return it! Return it now!
14827 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2502 Darryl Hey! How about instead of yelling at our sweet little Miss Kapoor over five hundred sheets of paper you get back to your desk. Start sellin' multiple reams like a man.
14828 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2502 Dwight Y... You don't understand. If... okay, if this makes the difference, I'm gonna tell it that you were responsible.
14829 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2502 Darryl Who's it?
14830 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2502 Darryl Here you go.
14831 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2502 Kelly Thanks.
14832 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2502 Darryl So you still missing Ryan?
14833 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2502 Kelly Not so much anymore.
14834 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2502 Darryl Mmmmm.
14835 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2503 Dwight I am not a bad person. When I left Staples, I took some of their leads with me but I never intended to use them. What did I intend to do with them? Who knows? Maybe keep them as a souvenir. Maybe use them.
14836 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2504 Dwight Yes, Mr. Galliado. How would you like to pay ten percent less for paper than you're paying right now? It's not important how I got your information. What is important is that you say yes. Good.
14837 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2505 Michael Alright. I'm ready to go and I'm callin' shotgun.
14838 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2505 Jim I'm driving?
14839 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2505 Michael Yes. Thank you.
14840 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2505 Jim Alright, let me just say good-bye to Pam.
14841 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2505 Michael Oh yeah, you'd better. You better say good-bye to Pam. Say good-bye to Pam. Byyyyyye. I love you. I love ya Pam... okay. I'm leavin' inside Jim's car, I don't know when I'll be back again. Yes I do. Tomorrow I'll be back. I'll be back. Tomorrow. Um... yeah. So you know what? Why don't you guys take off a little bit early tonight?
14842 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2505 Angela Because there's a party! A party for the website I've been planning for two weeks.
14843 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2505 Michael If you are not this tall, you may not ride the rollercoaster. See you guys tomorrow.
14844 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2505 Dwight Perfect. So let me just get some basic information from you. Mmmhmm.
14845 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2505 DunMiff, Sys Oh. I didn't realize we could use the leads we stole from Staples.
14846 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2505 Dwight I'm sorry. Am, so sorry. I... yes. Uh, could you repeat that?
14847 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2506 Dwight Yesss! Ten reams for the US District Court! Did I happen to mention the forty reams for the battered women's shelter?
14848 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2506 Andy No !
14849 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2506 Dwight Huh?!
14850 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2506 Angela Stop it! Gimme that! Give it!
14851 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2506 Dwight Did you see the board?
14852 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2506 Angela There's still an hour.
14853 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2507 Michael You ever read this?
14854 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2507 Jim Yep. A long time ago, but, I liked it.
14855 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2507 Michael Got it for Ryan. Wanted to get him Oh The Places You'll Go, but they were sold out. Figured...
14856 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2507 Jim Yeah.
14857 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2507 Michael Same sort of stuff in here.
14858 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2507 Jim It's not. It's different. But it's a good book.
14859 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2507 Michael Mmwa. Mmwa.
14860 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2507 Jim What was that?
14861 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2507 Michael Leaving Pennsylvania.
14862 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2507 Jim Oh. Two kisses.
14863 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2507 Michael One for me one for Jan.
14864 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2507 Jim Gotcha.
14865 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2507 Michael You guys should come over for dinner. You and Pam. That'd be fun. Friday?
14866 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2507 Jim That would be fun.
14867 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2507 Michael Wanna come over Friday?
14868 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2507 Jim Uhhh. Can't.
14869 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2507 Michael After work you guys...
14870 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2507 Jim Oh, no cause... you're gonna let me know when we're close, right?
14871 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2507 Michael Yes. Actually I will tell you right now. It's a club called Chatroom, and there's a password to get in, which is actually password. So...
14872 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2507 Jim Mmmkay...
14873 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2507 Michael What are you doing?
14874 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2507 Jim Uh, that is an invitation to an online party.
14875 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2507 Michael No.
14876 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2507 Jim Yep.
14877 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2507 Michael No, I'm sure that's not. Na...
14878 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2507 Jim Are there, uh, three w's at the beginning of the address?
14879 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2507 Michael Yes.
14880 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2507 Jim Yep.
14881 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2508 Michael Well the invitation says VIP's only. Is this how you treat your VIP's, Ryan? We're already in the city. The main part with the buildings. What am I supposed to do? What do you want me to do tonight? And if you tell me, that I have to drive back to Scranton, to the satellite party, I am going to throw up! Okay I'm going to throw up. I'm throwing up. You're making me throw up, Ryan.
14882 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2509 Michael You know what this is like? I'll tell you what this is like. This is like when the Freshmen would throw a party and wouldn't let any of the Seniors go.
14883 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2510 Michael Doesn't it just piss you off sometimes that that little twerp got the promotion over us?
14884 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2510 Jim Oh actually I withdrew from consideration.
14885 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2510 Michael Yeah. I withdrew too.
14886 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2511 Andy Four! Three! Two! One!
14887 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2511 Dwight Yes!
14888 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2511 Andy Woo!
14889 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2511 Dwight Woo!
14890 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2511 Andy After numerous projections that the computer would crush all salesmen in it's path, I am very happy to report that our very own Dwight Schrute has crushed his electronic nemesis, if you will, by a whopping fifty-two reams.
14891 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2511 Dwight Reams. Wait. Say it. Say it again. Announce it again.
14892 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2511 Andy Fifty-two reams!
14893 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2511 Dwight No no no the first part.
14894 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2511 Andy Dwight has defeated the computer.
14895 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2511 Dwight Hey. So. What do you think? I did it for you.
14896 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2511 Angela I didn't ask you to do it for me.
14897 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2511 Dwight You didn't have to.
14898 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2512 Angela How do you tell someone it's over? You send them a notarized letter, right? Well, what if the recipient is your notary?
14899 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2513 Angela Hello, Pam.
14900 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2513 Pam Hello.
14901 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2513 Angela Hey. Do you have any men that you can fix me up with? I would like to have a relationship with a man.
14902 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2513 Pam Um... uh... I'll get back to you.
14903 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2513 Angela Let me know.
14904 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2514 DunMiff, Sys You beat me. You are the superior being.
14905 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2515 Michael Alright who wants to party?
14906 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2515 Oscar Why aren't you in New York?
14907 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2515 Michael Ohhh, what? Oh I think I faked Oscar out.
14908 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2515 Stanley You said you weren't coming back and we could leave early.
14909 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2515 Michael I think I faked Stanley out too. Who else thought that I was leaving? And they could all go home early? Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Well who needs New York? Right? We can have a killer party right here in Scranton.
14910 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2515 Angela Thank you.
14911 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2515 Michael Nope nope nope no. This is going to be nothing like the party you've been planning. This is going to be good and everybody's gonna come. What's wrong with Dwight?
14912 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2515 Andy He beat the computer.
14913 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2515 Michael Oh hey! Good for you. Good for you. Scranton power. Alright you know what? Angela I'd like you to come into my office in ten minutes. Bring something to write with and something to write on. Good.
14914 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2516 Michael This was a pretty disappointing day. It was kind of a slap in the face to realize that I wasn't as important as I thought I was to a certain young executive who I cared about. But, you know, I'm not gonna cry over it. I did that in the car on the way home.
14915 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2517 Michael How we doing on time?
14916 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2517 Angela The party starts in an hour.
14917 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2517 Michael Good. These are some things that I would like to have happen.
14918 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2517 Angela Beer, lite beer, streamers, orchids. Better lighting?
14919 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2517 Michael Mmmhmm.
14920 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2517 Angela Something made of ice?
14921 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2517 Michael Those are just things. This is how I want it to feel.
14922 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2517 Angela Pizza, pizza with mushrooms, pizza without mushrooms, white pizza, steak?
14923 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2517 Michael I would like this party to be sexier, cooler, more important...
14924 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2517 Angela Chocolates? Someone famous?
14925 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2517 Michael Yes
14926 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2517 Angela Cool music.
14927 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2517 Michael Uh...
14928 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2517 Angela Confetti.
14929 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2517 Michael I want it...
14930 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2517 Angela Go-Go dancers?
14931 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2517 Michael I want it to embarrass all other parties. I want it to be a party that the guys in New York watch on the web-cam and say, "Wow! How did they get Al Roker to come?"
14932 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2517 Angela I can't do this.
14933 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2517 Michael Yes you can.
14934 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2517 Angela I can't do it.
14935 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2517 Michael Yes you can. I know you can. I wouldn't say that if I didn't hundred percent believe it. Who else could do this?
14936 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2517 Angela Okay. Okay.
14937 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2517 Michael No seriously. Is there anyone else who could do it better? Because we don't have a lot of time. I'll get the pizza!
14938 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2518 Andy What do you think of Angela?
14939 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2518 Dwight I think she's efficient.
14940 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2518 Andy No, not like that, as a woman. W-O-M-A-N.
14941 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2518 Dwight I hadn't noticed.
14942 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2518 Andy You hadn't noticed she's a woman?
14943 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2518 Andy I hear she's single and ready to mingle. I'm thinking about making a play for her. What do you think? Crazy, right?
14944 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2518 Dwight I think it's inappropriate to date someone you work with.
14945 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2518 Andy Isn't that part of the fun?
14946 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2518 Dwight No. I think you should date Kelly.
14947 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2518 Andy She works here too, how is that any different?
14948 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2518 Dwight Uh, she works in the annex. You're also welcome to date Toby.
14949 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2518 Andy Okay.
14950 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2519 Michael Good news.
14951 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2519 Stanley We get to go home?
14952 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2519 Michael Guess who just ordered from your favorite pizza place, Alfredo?
14953 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2519 Kevin Wait! Alfredo's Pizza Cafe? Or Pizza by Alfredo?
14954 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2519 Michael Same thing.
14955 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2519 Kevin No, no.
14956 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2519 Michael You know what? I don't understand when you all talk at the same time.
14957 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2519 Kevin Oscar, talk to him.
14958 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2519 Oscar Michael, there's a very big difference between these two pizza places. Both in quality of ingredients, and overall taste. Which one did you order from?
14959 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2519 Michael Pizza by Alfredo.
14960 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2519 Michael Okay, okay, what's better? A medium amount of good pizza? Or all you can eat of pretty good pizza?
14961 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2519 All Medium amount of good pizza.
14962 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2520 Kevin Oh no, it's bad. It's real bad. It's like eating a hot circle of garbage.
14963 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2521 Phyllis You can pick one of these things. It's unreasonable for you to ask me to do all of this.
14964 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2521 Angela It should take no time at all if you put the care into it that you normally do.
14965 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2521 Angela Ow!
14966 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2522 Phyllis That seemed to shut her up.
14967 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2523 Andy Are you looking for dinner and a movie? Because you're not going to find it in that box.
14968 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2523 Andy Just so happens that I know where you can find it, but again, not in the box.
14969 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2523 Andy Angela, are you hearing words that I'm saying?
14970 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2523 Angela What?
14971 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2523 Andy Hello.
14972 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2523 Angela I have been working on a party for three weeks that just got thrown out the window. So now I've got to pull together a whole new party, and my useless number two quit, so now there's no one in charge of orchids, chocolates, or the thing that's made of ice. And my upper back itches, and it's itched all day, and I can't reach it, and Kevin had Greek food for lunch again.
14973 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2524 Andy They say you should never mix business with pleasure. Really? Well then, explain to me how a putt-putt golf company operates.
14974 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2525 Michael Yup.
14975 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2525 Pam The Pizza by Alfredo guy is here.
14976 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2525 Michael You don't have to say it like that.
14977 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2525 Pam I said it normal.
14978 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2525 Michael Hey
14979 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2525 Pizza guy Hey. Sixty-three fifty, and that's not including tip.
14980 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2525 Michael Right, I have a coupon, so half of sixty-three fifty, and half the tip of sixty-three fifty.
14981 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2525 Pizza guy The half off coupon only applies to orders of two pizzas.
14982 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2525 Michael Yeah, I told them on the phone that I was ordering eight pizzas.
14983 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2525 Pizza guy I don't care what you told them on the phone, that's our policy.
14984 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2525 Michael You didn't actually think I was going to spend sixty bucks on pizza?
14985 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2525 Oscar It's not pizza.
14986 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2525 Michael Okay, it doesn't say it anywhere on the coupon, and if it's policy, it should say it on the coupon.
14987 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2525 Michael What do you mean hmm-um?
14988 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2525 Pizza guy Not my problem.
14989 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2525 Michael It is your problem. That's no way to do business, okay? I ordered eight pizzas with a half-off coupon, so I would like eight pizzas for half-off. End of story.
14990 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2525 Pizza guy Great story. It's sixty-three fifty, and that's not including tip.
14991 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2525 Michael I'm not giving that to you.
14992 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2525 Pizza guy Well then you're not getting you're pizzas.
14993 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2525 Michael No, no you're not going anywhere. You're staying here until we figure this out.
14994 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2525 Pizza guy What?
14995 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2525 Michael You know what? This young man needs to learn that's not how you treat people. I don't care if it's pizza. Good business is about respect and accountability and follow through. You don't just make promises and pull the rug out from under somebody, do you? Dwight, please escort this young man into the conference room. Right now, get in the conference room.
14996 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2525 Pizza guy I'm not going in there.
14997 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2525 Michael Yes you are, yes you are, and you will come out when you decide to give me a discount on the pizza. Please, thank you.
14998 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2525 Pizza guy This is stupid.
14999 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2525 Michael No, you don't even know what stupid is. It's about to get all stupid up in here.
15000 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2526 Stanley You find anything?
15001 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2526 Kevin We think it's a straight forward kidnapping.
15002 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2526 Oscar Stanley, could you look up "accomplices"?
15003 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2526 Stanley Why can't you guys do it?
15004 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2526 Oscar Because we're looking up jail time.
15005 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2526 Stanley Fine.
15006 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2527 Dwight I've seen this kid before. He's one the kids who sneaks on my farm and steals my hemp.
15007 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2528 Pizza guy Yeah, I know that guy. He's that farmer that grows really crappy weed.
15008 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2529 Michael You ready to give me my discount now?
15009 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2529 Pizza guy No.
15010 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2529 Michael Okay, what have you been doing in here this whole time?
15011 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2529 Pizza guy What kind of business is this?
15012 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2529 Dwight We're a paper company. The best paper company in the whole wide world.
15013 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2529 Michael Alright, Dwight, knock it off. You better think about what you are doing young man.
15014 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2529 Pizza guy You better think about what you're doing.
15015 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2529 Michael No! I'm an adult, I don't have to think or do anything. You're a kid, a little snot-nosed, punk kid who thinks he's better than everyone else, because he's some hot shot, and you don't know anything about sales. So stop being a disrespectful little jerk, okay?
15016 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2529 Pizza guy Sales?
15017 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2529 Michael Yeah sales, you sell pizza. Last time I checked that's called sales.
15018 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2529 Pizza guy You're such a loser.
15019 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2529 Dwight What did you just call him?
15020 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2529 Pizza guy A loser.
15021 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2529 Dwight What did you say?
15022 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2529 Pizza guy A loser.
15023 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2529 Michael Alright stop, stop making him say it! You just made this worse, a whole lot worse.
15024 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2529 Dwight I can make him talk, Michael.
15025 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2529 All Michael, Michael
15026 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2529 Michael Stop talking all at once!
15027 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2530 Jim You need to let him go.
15028 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2530 Michael Let go of the little jerk boy before he has learned his lesson?
15029 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2530 Jim Yes.
15030 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2530 Michael You know what Jim, the world would be a better place if people were held accountable for their actions.
15031 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2530 Jim Yes, but not by kidnapping.
15032 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2530 Michael I'm not kidnapping him, I'm keeping him until I get what I want.
15033 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2530 Jim As a hostage.
15034 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2530 Michael I think you're over-thinking it.
15035 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2530 Jim I think you're under-thinking it.
15036 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2530 Michael Yes, is Alfredo there? Can I speak to a manager then? Okay, can you tell the manager that I'm keeping his delivery kid until I get a discount on the eight pizzas I ordered. Yes, I know it is not on the coupon. Also I would like him to throw in two, three pizzas for our...
15037 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2530 Jim Ransom.
15038 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2530 Michael Trouble. Okay, alright.
15039 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2530 Jim What did he say?
15040 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2530 Michael He said no.
15041 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2530 Jim So, we should let him go.
15042 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2530 Michael No, no.
15043 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2530 Jim Okay.
15044 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2531 Dwight Listen up kid. I don't like you, but because some town in Switzerland says so, you have rights.
15045 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2531 Angela I have to hang these.
15046 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2531 Pizza guy Why are you looking at her like that?
15047 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2531 Dwight Hey!
15048 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2532 Kevin What's going on?
15049 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2532 Jim Michael just called the pizza place with a list of demands.
15050 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2532 Michael Mister Overdramatic, what's up Kevin?
15051 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2532 Kevin We're getting hungry out there. We're all accomplices now anyway, so we figured we might as well eat. We would like to order some good pizza, from Alfredo's Pizza Cafe, while we wait for the hostage situation with the bad pizza to end.
15052 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2533 Angela I needed another hour, it could have been done in another hour.
15053 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2533 Meredith I think it looks good.
15054 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2533 Angela That's why you're not in charge Meredith.
15055 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2533 Andy Here you are my dear, one thing made of ice.
15056 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2533 Angela How did you, um, where did you...
15057 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2533 Dwight It's just ice, it'll melt all over the floor.
15058 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2533 Angela Will you help me put it over there?
15059 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2533 Andy Yes I will.
15060 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2533 Angela Okay.
15061 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2533 Andy Excuse me.
15062 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2534 Andy I stole it!
15063 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2535 Oscar Thank God.
15064 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2535 Pam Michael, Ryan wants to introduce the branch managers in a few minutes. You just have to wave and introduce yourself.
15065 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2535 Michael I'll just wave and introduce myself.
15066 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2535 Jim Hey, quick question. If I take a pizza, do you think you could take some sodas and some napkins up to the roof?
15067 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2535 Pam I'm all over it.
15068 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2535 Jim Okay.
15069 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2535 Jim What have we got here?
15070 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2535 Kevin Good pizza.
15071 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2535 Jim Yeah, cheese, or do we have other flavors?
15072 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2535 Kevin Different stuff.
15073 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2535 Jim Which one's this? Perfect.
15074 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2536 Jim Do you remember what you said to me on my first day of work, just before you walked me over to my desk?
15075 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2536 Pam Yeah, enjoy this moment, because you're never going to go back to this time before you met your desk mate Dwight.
15076 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2536 Jim And that's when I knew. You?
15077 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2536 Pam You came up to my desk, and said, this might sound weird, and there's no reason for me to know this, but that mixed berry yogurt you're about to eat has expired.
15078 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2536 Jim That was the moment that you knew you liked me?
15079 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2536 Pam Yep.
15080 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2536 Jim Wow, can we make it a different moment?
15081 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2536 Pam Nope.
15082 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2537 Manager Can I start talking? Is this thing on? Give me a signal when you want me to start.
15083 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2537 Ryan And now from my old hometown, Scranton Pennsylvania, my former boss, Michael Scott.
15084 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2537 Michael Hey, I just think you should know that one of my salesmen beat your stupid computer, so take that hole.
15085 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2537 Ryan Always a jokester. How about that image? Crystal clear.
15086 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2537 Pizza guy If anyone out there is listening, I'm being held here against my will. I'm a minor.
15087 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2538 Angela Ow! What are you doing?
15088 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2538 Andy You said your upper back itched.
15089 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2538 Angela I didn't ask you to scratch it.
15090 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2538 Andy Look Angela, I know this is weird because we work together, and up until and possibly now I've repulsed you, but I like you.
15091 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2538 Angela I'm not dating you.
15092 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2539 Andy So, Angela is stubborn as a mule, she's giving off fairly strong vibes that she's not interested.
15093 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2539 Andy But do I like her or not, because if I like her, then I can't back down.
15094 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2539 Dwight If you're going number one you've got ten more seconds!
15095 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2540 Michael Hey, have you seen Jim?
15096 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2540 Kevin I guess he wanted to get out of here before the cops find out.
15097 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2540 Dwight Ahh-chaa!
15098 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2540 Michael Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing?
15099 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2540 Dwight I'm just scaring him. The trick is to make him think you're going to do something to him.
15100 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2540 Pizza guy I can hear you, man.
15101 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2540 Dwight Shut up, or I'm going to punch you in the throat!
15102 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2540 Michael Hey, hey, hey stop it. Stop it now, God. Oh my God, oh my God, no, no, no. I kidnapped a kid.
15103 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2540 Dwight You had to, what other choice did you have?
15104 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2540 Michael I could have paid for the pizza.
15105 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2540 Dwight Well, yeah.
15106 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2540 Michael Oh my God, oh my God.
15107 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2541 Michael This is Michael.
15108 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2541 Ryan Hello Michael, this is Ryan, first off thanks for the shout out.
15109 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2541 Michael You're breaking up. I can't hear you.
15110 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2541 Ryan Why is there a kid on your webcam saying that he's being held against his...
15111 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2541 Michael Mmm-kay. I want you to go in there, and pay him for the pizzas, and give him a generous tip, no more than ten percent.
15112 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2541 Dwight What will you do?
15113 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2541 Michael I will open the door.
15114 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2541 Dwight Yeah.
15115 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2541 Michael And hopefully he will walk out, and the rest is out of our hands.
15116 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2541 Dwight So, I'm paying full price?
15117 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2541 Michael Yes.
15118 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2541 Dwight Here we go, sixty-five. You know what? There's two more.
15119 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2541 Michael See ya, drive safely.
15120 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2541 Michael Okay.
15121 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2541 Dwight Now what?
15122 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2541 Michael Now we wait, and hopefully nothing happens.
15123 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2541 Dwight Alright. Oh, I assume I'm going to be reimbursed for the pizzas.
15124 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2541 Michael Not now Dwight, please, it's not the time.
15125 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2542 Jim A toast, better make it good. To avoiding a class two felony charge.
15126 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2542 Pam Ah-ha.
15127 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2543 Andy Hello, hey hang on a second. Hello, hang on.
15128 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2543 Andy If you change your mind, I'll be first in line. Honey, I'm still free, take a chance on me. If you need me let me know, gonna be around. If you got no place to go, if you're feeling down. If your all alone when the pretty birds have flown, honey I'm still free, take a chance on me. Gonna do my very best, and that ain't no lie, if you put me to the test, if you let me try. Take a chance on me, that's all I ask of you Angela. Take a chance on me.
15129 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2543 Voice #1 on phone Hey how'd it go?
15130 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2543 Voice #2 on phone Yeah, what'd she say?
15131 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2543 Andy I don't know yet, I have to call you back.
15132 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2543 Voice #1 on phone You have to give us something...
15133 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2543 Andy I'll call you back.
15134 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2543 Angela I have to go clean up after the party.
15135 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2544 Michael What a horrible day.
15136 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2544 Dwight Blah.
15137 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2544 Michael Bluh.
15138 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2544 Dwight Uhh.
15139 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2544 Michael Well, I need to get the horrible taste of this pizza out of my mouth. I'd really like some sushi. I was hoping that I would have New York style sushi today. And you know what?
15140 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2544 Dwight What?
15141 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2544 Michael I'm going to get it.
15142 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2544 Dwight Coopers has calamari.
15143 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2544 Michael Uh-uh, no, there is only one place where they authentic New York style sushi.
15144 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2544 Dwight Tokyo?
15145 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2544 Michael New York. Wanna go?
15146 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2544 Dwight Yes.
15147 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2544 Michael Alright, you drive.
15148 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2544 Dwight Okay.
15149 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2545 Dwight Nice.
15150 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2545 Michael Here we go.
15151 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2545 Dwight Woo-hoo.
15152 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2545 Michael Mmm.
15153 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2545 Dwight Yum.
15154 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2545 Bartender I'm sorry, you guys are going to have to leave.
15155 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2545 Michael Hey, you know what? Come on, come on, let's go.
15156 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2545 Man Hey, you're the Scranton guy.
15157 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2545 Michael Guilty.
15158 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2545 Man I liked your statement tonight.
15159 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2545 Michael Oh, thanks. This is the guy that beat the computer.
15160 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2545 Man Oh, very cool. It was funny to see Ryan all embarrassed by that.
15161 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2545 Michael Yeah.
15162 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2545 Man See you later.
15163 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2545 Dwight Later on.
15164 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2545 Michael I'm Ryan, and tonight didn't go the way that I thought it would, because it didn't work out for me, and I'm very embarrassed. I got egg all over my face.
15165 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2545 Dwight And I spent so much time in Scranton and I never sold any paper.
15166 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2545 Michael I never sold any paper, because I'm an idiot.
15167 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2545 Dwight I started a fire with my cheese pita.
15168 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2545 Michael I made it with my cheese pita.
15169 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2545 Dwight I date Indian girls.
15170 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2545 Michael I started a fire, I started a fire.
15171 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2545 Dwight Now I've got a beard, and I can do whatever I want, and I'm your boss.
15172 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2545 Michael And I'm hot, I'm so hot. That's why everybody...
15173 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2545 Dwight I don't get that, I don't understand that.
15174 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2545 Michael Well, it's part of it, it's just the... uhhh.
15175 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2545 Michael Wanna head back?
15176 4 5 Launch Party (Parts 1&2) 2545 Dwight Yeah, let's go.
15177 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2546 Michael Coat!
15178 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2547 Pam Michael just rented The Devil Wears Prada. He has his NetFlix sent here to the office, and he watches them in pieces when things are slow.
15179 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2548 Michael Steak! Where's my steeaaak?
15180 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2549 Pam He's a big Meryl Streep fan, so I shouldn't be surprised that he's identified with her character.
15181 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2550 Michael Get me Armani.
15182 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2550 Pam A suit?
15183 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2550 Michael On the phone.
15184 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2550 Pam Like the main company number? Because I'm gonna have to call information.
15185 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2550 Michael Where's Armani? He's on the phone. Too slow. You are not going to Paris. I'm so much better than you are.
15186 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2551 Michael I owe you an apology.
15187 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2551 Pam You finished the movie.
15188 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2551 Michael Yeah. It was awesome. Big surprise ending. Won't ruin it for you.
15189 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2551 Pam No. Go ahead.
15190 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2551 Michael Meryl Streep is the bad guy. Never see it coming. Anyways, if I was mean in any way to you, I am sorry. I just want what's best for you, Mo Chuisle.
15191 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2552 Pam Mo Chuisle. He's watching Million Dollar Baby... He's gonna try to kill me.
15192 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2553 Michael So this one goes with my eyes and this one goes with your eyes. People have said I have very pretty eyes.
15193 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2553 Jan You do.
15194 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2553 Michael I haven't heard the same about you. So let's just go with mine.
15195 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2553 Jan Well, they both go with the carpet I've ordered, and if you go with the brown leather on the sofas, then they go with that too.
15196 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2553 Michael We already have a sofa. So why do---
15197 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2553 Jan A futon's not a sofa.
15198 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2553 Michael It... folds up. You've only seen it flat.
15199 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2553 Jan I know what a futon is, Michael.
15200 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2553 Michael I--- Ok. How much is this going to cost?
15201 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2553 Jan It costs what it costs.
15202 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2553 Michael No--- don't... that doesn't even mean anything.
15203 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2553 Jan We have gone through this.
15204 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2554 Michael Yes. Money has been a little tight lately. But, at the end of my life, when I'm sitting on my yacht, am I gonna be thinking about how much money I have? No. I'm going to be thinking about how many friends I have, and my children, and my comedy albums. I mean, I have a yacht, so I obviously did pretty well money wise.
15205 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2555 Michael It's just that you say it's gonna cost what it costs---
15206 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2555 Pam Michael, it's Ryan for you.
15207 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2555 Jan Conniving little runt. Put him through.
15208 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2555 Michael Put him through. Yes. Ryan, my man!
15209 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2555 Ryan I sent you an email about the new Powerpoint.
15210 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2555 Michael Yes, and thank you for sending that to me.
15211 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2555 Ryan I had IT install the updated Powerpoint on the computer so you can use it for the presentation. I really want people there using Powerpoint.
15212 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2555 Michael Okay, yeah, I dunno. I dunno, I think those IT guys messed up.
15213 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2555 Ryan Hold on, I'll get them on the phone.
15214 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2555 Michael Wait, oh, no, here it is, here it is. Found it.
15215 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2556 Jim Sure, I can hold.
15216 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2556 Dwight Dunder Mifflin, Dwight Schrute. Please hold. Schrute Farms, guten tag. How can I help you? Yes, we have availability on those nights. How many in your party? Oh no, I'm sorry, no king beds. No queen either. Well, we make our own mattresses that don't conform to the traditional sizes. Closest would be twin. Thank you so much for calling. Call back again. Aufedersein!
15217 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2556 Jim Hey Dwight.
15218 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2556 Dwight None of your business, Jim.
15219 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2556 Jim Do you run the bed and breakfest?
15220 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2556 Dwight It is not a B and B.
15221 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2557 Dwight Agrotourism is a lot more than a bed and breakfest. It consists of tourists coming to a farm, showing them around, giving them a bed, giving them brekafest.
15222 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2558 Jim Does the Department of Health know about this?
15223 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2558 Dwight I'm not telling you anything. Permits are pending. Dwight Schrute, Dunder Mifflin.
15224 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2558 Pam Hello, I'm looking for a room.
15225 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2558 Dwight Okay, this is a mis-use of company phones.
15226 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2558 Pam It says here you cater to the eldery.
15227 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2558 Dwight Where did you read that?
15228 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2558 Pam Trip Advsior.
15229 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2559 Dwight Trip Advisor is the life blood of the Agrotourism industry. A couple of bad reviews there, you might as well close up shop. That's what took down the Stalk Inn. One of the cutest little asparagus farms you'll ever see.
15230 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2560 Dwight How many in your party?
15231 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2560 Pam Two?
15232 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2560 Dwight We offer tours of the fields, and of the barn. Uh, perhaps you'll be interested in, um, Mose's table making demonstration?
15233 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2561 Jan So, um, I forgot to tell you that I need the car tonight.
15234 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2561 Michael Oh! Um, actually, I need the car.
15235 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2561 Jan Why? Improv? Why don't you just pretend you have a car? Good practice, incase you ever do a scene where you need to pretend you have a car?
15236 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2562 Michael Use to have two cars, traded 'em in, now we're down to one. Good economic sense. Although the new car is a Porsche. For her.
15237 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2563 Dwight One cardigan, one sleeping cardigan and one sleep apnea mask.
15238 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2563 Angela What about my cherub figurine?
15239 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2563 Dwight You took that with you.
15240 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2563 Angela No I left it on my night table--- your night table, by the lamp.
15241 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2563 Dwight You are incorrect. I was recently scrubbing my room of memories, and I didn't see it there.
15242 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2563 Angela Fine.
15243 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2564 Dwight My girlfriend and I broke up recently. And I must say, I am relieved. Gives me a chance to sow my wild oats. In the Schrute family, we have a tradition, where when the male has s*x with another woman, he is rewarded with a bag of wild oats left on his door step by his parents. You can use these oats to make oatmeal, bread, whatever you want. I don't care, they're your oats.
15244 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2565 Kevin The bar uses an applause meter. That is why it's so important that you all come and applaud only for my band. Scrantonicity 2. NOT Scrantonicity, which I am no longer a part of. Michael, can I count on you?
15245 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2565 Michael You can not, I have a thing tonight.
15246 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2565 Kevin Dammit.
15247 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2565 Jim Uh, Michael.
15248 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2565 Michael What?
15249 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2565 Jim That reminds me, uh, if the invitation still stands, Pam and I would love to have dinner tonight.
15250 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2565 Michael Oh no, I have a thing tonight.
15251 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2565 Jim Darn it!
15252 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2565 Pam Shoot!
15253 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2565 Michael How about this weekend?
15254 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2565 Jim No, can't.
15255 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2565 Pam We only had tonight free, and we really wanted to spend it with you.
15256 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2565 Michael Dammit to hell. I-I-ugh, ok. All right.
15257 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2565 Jim Where are you going out tonight?
15258 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2565 Michael You wouldn't understand. It's a secret.
15259 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2565 Jim I wouldn't understand or a secret?
15260 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2565 Pam You wouldn't understand, Jim. It's a secret.
15261 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2566 Michael I'm sorry Mr. O'Brian, I didn't mean to interrupt your dinner. I just have a very exciting offer. My records indicate that you have expressed interest in losing some weight. Well, what if I told you that I have a pill that will make you 50 pounds lighter in 5 minutes? How does that sound? Amazing right? Well, it won't be that fast, but it will---- it will be that easy.
15262 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2567 Jim I can't believe this place is real. I mean, I've heard about his beet farm for years, but wow.
15263 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2567 Pam The Beets Motel.
15264 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2567 Jim The Beets Motel? That is, wow.
15265 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2567 Pam Thank you. Eh. The Embassy Beets. Radishon!
15266 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2567 Jim How are you doing this?
15267 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2567 Pam I don't know!
15268 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2567 Pam Oh my gosh.
15269 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2568 Michael I just love sales. I love it to death. It's as simple as that. And I don't get to do it enough as a manager, so I took this second job. I count it as a hobby. Some people have golf, or relaxing.
15270 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2568 Nick What's going on here?
15271 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2568 Michael Hey, I just got off the phone, and I was gonna make another call.
15272 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2568 Nick We're a legit operation with a license from the city I can show you. We pay minimum wage against commision---
15273 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2568 Michael No, they're with me, so... this is Nick Figaro, manager to the stars!
15274 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2569 Dwight We have three rooms, each with a different theme.
15275 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2569 Pam What are the themes?
15276 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2569 Dwight American, Irrigation, and Night-Time.
15277 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2569 Pam Irrigation.
15278 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2569 Jim Nice.
15279 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2569 Dwight I'll put you down for Irrigation. Well then, do you have any special needs or diertary restrictions?
15280 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2569 Jim Yes. We will be requiring a bed time story.
15281 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2569 Dwight No.
15282 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2569 Jim Not even Harry Potter?
15283 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2569 Dwight No. Jim, come on.
15284 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2569 Mose But you promised.
15285 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2569 Dwight Mose, bags! Now!
15286 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2570 Dwight Here we are, the Irrigation Room! A very special room. So I'll come get you before the table-making demonstration. And as of this morning, we are completely wireless here in Schrute Farms. But as soon as I find out where Mose hid all the wires, we'll get that power back on. All righty.
15287 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2571 Nick Everybody in the conference room. In 5 minutes.
15288 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2571 Michael These meetings are useless.
15289 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2572 Nick I just want to remind you to stick to the script. Improving the work. So, make the call, say the lines, make the sale. Got it?
15290 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2572 Michael Very inspirational.
15291 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2572 Nick We're offering a $50 bonus tonight to the guy with the most sales. Ok.
15292 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2572 Co-Worker 1 Or a woman.
15293 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2572 Michael Or a trained seal.
15294 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2572 Nick You could make jokes when you've made a sale there rookie, ok?
15295 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2573 Jim Hmmm, I'd say 1 in 6.
15296 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2573 Pam What?
15297 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2573 Jim Oh, I thought you asked me what our chances were in being murdered here tonight.
15298 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2574 Jim You know, I've just realized, this is Pam's and my first night away together. I use to play it over my head, and it was just a little bit different. Maybe a uh, nice hotel. Or a romantic dinner. Wine... uh but, wine that wasn't made out of beets. Didn't think Dwight would be involved at all. And uh, I always imagined less manure. I mean, some manure, just... less.
15299 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2574 Dwight Mose, what are you doing? No Mose! Put the--- Put the manure down! Put it down! Do not throw it! DO NOT THROW IT! Ow!
15300 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2575 Michael Yes, is Mr. Hudson there?
15301 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2575 Stanley Yes, who is this?
15302 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2575 Michael I'm just calling because you responded positively to the---
15303 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2575 Stanley Michael?
15304 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2575 Michael ...Stanley?
15305 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2575 Stanley Why are you calling me here at home?
15306 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2575 Michael Senor, are you happy with your---
15307 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2575 Stanley Michael, I know that's you. Why are you calling me here at home?
15308 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2575 Michael Have you--- Have you considered satellite television?
15309 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2575 Stanley Michael, I know that's you. I know your voice. Why are you calling me here at home?
15310 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2576 Stanley When I'm at home at night in my own house in my sweats drinking some red wine watching my mystery stories, the last thing in the whole God forsaken world I want to hear is the voice of Michael Scott.
15311 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2577 Michael Well your son sounds like he's really motivated. I think it's crazy the coach won't play him frankly.
15312 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2577 Nick My office.
15313 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2577 Michael You bet.
15314 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2578 Nick Just dial the number on the sheet and stick to the script. Say those words exactly, got it? I don't know why we have to keep on having this conversation.
15315 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2578 Michael Look, I know sales, and I had that sale, I just needed a few more minutes---
15316 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2578 Nick A few more minutes is a waste of our time.
15317 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2578 Michael It is not a waste of our time.
15318 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2578 Nick This is a trading game.
15319 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2578 Michael No.
15320 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2578 Nick You give a quick pitch. You make the sale. You move on. That's how Vikram does it.
15321 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2578 Michael Vikram doesn't have my people skills.
15322 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2578 Nick Good for Vikram, because he out-sells you every night.
15323 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2578 Michael Well, I hope this conversation has helped.
15324 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2579 Dwight And Harry saw the white hand raise its wand, and felt Voldemort's surge of vicious anger. Saw the frail old man on the floor write in agony. "Harry?" It was over quickly as it had come. Harry stood shaking in the darkness, clutching the gate in the garden, his heart racing.
15325 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2580 Michael What did you get tonight?
15326 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2580 Vikram Oh it looks like mixed masala, eggplant, and rice.
15327 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2580 Michael Oh, that looks good.
15328 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2580 Vikram Oh, and what about you? Peanut butter flavor again?
15329 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2580 Michael I am going with the vanilla crisp this evening.
15330 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2580 Vikram Enjoy.
15331 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2580 Michael Thank you.
15332 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2581 Vikram I was a surgeon back home.
15333 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2581 Michael Really?
15334 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2581 Vikram Oh yeah.
15335 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2581 Michael Wonder what I would've been back home?
15336 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2581 Vikram Well this is your home.
15337 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2581 Michael I know, but it's competitive here. What's a dollar worth in your land? Medical school must cost like 40 bucks or a donkey or something.
15338 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2581 Vikram Uhh, no.
15339 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2581 Michael I would've been chief of surgery... Or a cowboy.
15340 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2582 Jim Wait, you're going up there?
15341 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2582 Pam Yeah. Coward.
15342 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2583 Pam Oh my God. What century is this?
15343 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2584 Michael You know what, here's the thing about Die Hard 4. Die Hard one, the original, John McClane was just this normal guy. You know, he's just a normal New York City cop, who gets his feet cut, and gets beat up. But he's an everyday guy. In Die Hard 4, he is jumping a motorcycle into a helicopter. In air. You know? He's invincible. It just sort of lost what Die Hard was. It's not Terminator.
15344 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2584 Co-Worker 2 Dude, you should review movies.
15345 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2584 Michael I actually wrote a movie.
15346 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2584 Co-Worker 3 Really?
15347 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2584 Michael I'm writing one, yeah.
15348 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2584 Co-Worker 3 What's it about?
15349 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2584 Michael Um, sort of a spy, thriller...
15350 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2584 Nick What's so captivating? I like captivating things. And this must be really captivating because it's keeping you off the phones. I mean time is your money, that's how I know how captivating it is. Because how much time you spend talking.
15351 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2585 Pam Ugh, your turn.
15352 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2585 Dwight Come in. Did you have another nightmare?
15353 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2585 Jim Hey Dwight.
15354 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2585 Dwight Oh, Jim. I thought you were Mose.
15355 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2585 Jim Does Mose have nightmares?
15356 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2585 Jim Oh yes. Ever since the storm.
15357 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2585 Dwight Is everything satisfactory with your stay?
15358 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2585 Jim Yeah, yeah.
15359 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2585 Dwight Great.
15360 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2585 Jim Just thought that I heard crying, moaning, or something in here.
15361 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2585 Dwight Oh. Well I'll look into that in the morning. Thank you for bringing that to the attention of the staff.
15362 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2585 Jim Good night, Dwight.
15363 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2586 Co-Worker 2 Yeah, so we're all gonna go out for a beer. Do you wanna come?
15364 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2586 Co-Worker 3 We'd love for you to come, Michael.
15365 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2586 Michael Thanks, no, I have work tomorrow morning.
15366 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2586 Co-Worker 2 All right, next time dude.
15367 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2586 Michael Okay, see you guys. Hey, how you doin'?
15368 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2586 Jan You drive, I had too much wine.
15369 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2586 Michael Okay. How's yoga?
15370 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2586 Jan I didn't go.
15371 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2586 Michael Wh-Why not?
15372 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2586 Jan I just didn't!
15373 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2586 Michael Okay.
15374 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2586 Jan How was improv?
15375 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2586 Michael Good night Vikram.
15376 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2586 Vikram Good night.
15377 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2586 Michael Hey, congrats on the bonus.
15378 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2586 Vikram Thank you Michael.
15379 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2586 Michael I'm gonna have it one of these nights.
15380 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2586 Vikram Well if you concentrate and make your calls faster, yeah.
15381 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2586 Michael Good night.
15382 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2586 Vikram Good night.
15383 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2587 Pam Michael. Morning. Hey Dwight, how are you?
15384 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2587 Dwight Pam.
15385 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2587 Jim You okay?
15386 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2587 Dwight I am better than you have ever been or ever will be.
15387 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2587 Ryan Hey guys! What's happening? How's my favorite branch doin'?
15388 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2588 Ryan Okay, Michael, why dont you start us off?
15389 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2588 Michael Um... that wasn't much of an introduction.
15390 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2588 Ryan Ladies and gentlemen, your boss, Michael Scott.
15391 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2588 Michael Ahh, still lame. Okay. All right. Thank you, Ryan, for that wonderful introduction. Okay, um, today we're gonna be talking... about...PowerPoint! PowerPoint! PowerPoint! PowerPoint!
15392 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2589 Michael Yes I forgot about Ryan's presentation. And yes, it would have been nice to do well with the first presentation he had given me. But you know what else would have been nice? Winning the lottery.
15393 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Michael And the best way to start is to hit start. And up comes the toolbar, that's what she said. What we have to do here is go to Run, and then you look up to PowerPoint. And we are in. We are going to register. You hit register--- Updates are ready. I should update. Um, estimated time 12 minutes, so this should take 5 or 10 minutes.
15394 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Ryan Is this the first time you ever opened PowerPoint?
15395 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Michael Why?
15396 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Ryan You didn't prepare a presentation at all, did you?
15397 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Michael No, I had a really rough night, and my boss can back you up on that.
15398 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Ryan I'm your boss.
15399 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Michael My other boss, Mr. Figaro.
15400 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Ryan You have another job?
15401 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Michael What I do between 5:30 pm and 1 am is no one's business but mine and my other business'.
15402 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Jim Are you a cocktail waitress?
15403 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Ryan You can not have another job if it affects your work here.
15404 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Michael It won't.
15405 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Ryan It did, all ready.
15406 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Michael Okay, honestly, it was unlikely I was gonna figure this out anyways.
15407 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Kelly You're so funny.
15408 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Ryan Why is Darryl here? He works in the warehouse.
15409 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Kelly I invited him.
15410 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Ryan It's not a party. Darryl, back downstairs, this isn't information you need.
15411 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Darryl There's information here? Yeah, you're right, I don't need this.
15412 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Kelly Okay.
15413 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Darryl Hey, get off.
15414 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Kelly Umm, see you later tonight.
15415 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Darryl I have plans later.
15416 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Kelly Okay, bye honey.
15417 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Ryan How long until you actually get this presentation ready?
15418 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Michael Why don't you do the presentation, because you know how to do it?
15419 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Ryan You know what I really want? Honestly Michael, is for you to know it, so you can communicate to the people here, to your clients, to whomever.
15420 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Michael Huh, okay.
15421 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Ryan What?
15422 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Michael It's whoever, not whomever.
15423 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Ryan No, it's whomever.
15424 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Michael No, whomever is never actually right.
15425 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Jim No, sometimes its right.
15426 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Creed Michael is right. It's a made-up word used to trick students.
15427 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Andy No. Actually, whomever is the formal version of the word.
15428 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Oscar Obviously it's a real word, but I don't know when to use it correctly.
15429 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Michael Not a native speaker.
15430 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Kevin I know what's right, but I'm not gonna say, because you're all jerks who didn't come see my band last night.
15431 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Ryan Do you really know which one is correct?
15432 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Kevin I don't know.
15433 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Pam It's 'whom' when it's the object of a sentence, and 'who' when it's the subject.
15434 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Phyllis Yeah, that sounds right.
15435 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Michael Well it sounds right, but is it?
15436 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Stanley How did Ryan use it? As an object?
15437 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Ryan As an object.
15438 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Kelly Ryan used me an object.
15439 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Stanley Is he right about that?
15440 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Pam How did he use it again?
15441 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Toby It was Ryan wanted Michael, the subject, to explain the computer system, the object.
15442 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Michael Thank you.
15443 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Toby To whomever, meaning us, the indirect object. Which is the correct usage of the word.
15444 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Michael No one, uh, asked you anything ever, so whomever's name is Toby, why don't you take a letter opener and stick it into your skull.
15445 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2590 Ryan Wait! This doesn't matter. And I don't even care. Michael, you quit the other job, or you're fired here.
15446 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2591 Michael I've never done this before. I've never quit anything in my life. So, you are filming history.
15447 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2592 Michael Nick, I had a dream last night that I had two full time jobs. One here at the Lipophedrazone diet pill company---
15448 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2592 Mr. Figaro Lipophedrine
15449 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2592 Michael And the other I was a Regional Manager of a small paper supply company called Dunder Mifflin.
15450 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2592 Mr. Figaro Never heard of it.
15451 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2592 Michael In this dream I did both of these jobs beautifully, and I loved it, and everybody loved me. But the truth is, I can't do this.
15452 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2592 Mr. Figaro Are you quitting?
15453 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2592 Michael I am.
15454 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2592 Mr. Figaro Come back anytime, don't forget to disinfect your headset.
15455 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2593 Michael I was never in this for the money. But it turns out that the money was an absolute necessity for me. I tried to live the dream. I tried to have a job, a girlfriend, another job, and I failed. But the good thing about the American dream is that you can just go to sleep, and try it all again the next night.
15456 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2594 Andy So.
15457 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2594 Pam What's up?
15458 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2594 Andy Me. All night. Dreaming about Angela's smoking hot body.
15459 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2594 Pam You're being gross.
15460 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2594 Andy Not from a male perspective. You need to set me up with her, I know she told you that she's looking, and she's totally not responding to my moves.
15461 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2594 Pam What moves?
15462 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2594 Andy I have moon-walked past accounting like ten times.
15463 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2594 Pam I can't believe that's not working.
15464 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2594 Andy Yeah.
15465 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2594 Pam Um, I don't know if I really see you two together.
15466 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2594 Andy Really? Well, maybe you should look in the smart part of your brain.
15467 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2594 Pam She's very religious.
15468 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2594 Andy Okay, well I come from a line Wasps so long it leads back to Moses.
15469 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2594 Pam Okay, well she takes her convictions pretty seriously, she can be kind of severe.
15470 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2594 Andy Yeah, and I punched a hole in a wall.
15471 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2594 Pam That's right, you did.
15472 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2594 Andy Yeah.
15473 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2595 Pam Now that I think about it, Angela and Andy might actually make a good couple. But I couldn't do that to Dwight... or Angela... or Andy.
15474 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2596 Michael Hey Kevin, you're a gambler right? A rounder, you play the ponies, small horses.
15475 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2596 Kevin I do gamble Michael.
15476 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2596 Michael Yeah, I was thinking about doing some gambling myself. You know, just a little bit of money. Maybe doubling it, and them doubling it seven more times. I don't know, kind of just for fun. I was thinking, do you have tips, or ideas about sure things. Like a boxer who is going to throw the big fight, you know, like, like he's tied into some crooked dealings, maybe his kid is sick or something. Like, who do I call about that?
15477 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2596 Kevin The mob.
15478 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2596 Michael Do you know anybody in the mob?
15479 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2596 Michael Okay, um, Oscar, I'm going to need to take another advance on my salary.
15480 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2597 Kelly What do you mean you have plans tonight?
15481 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2597 Darryl I have my daughter tonight; we're renting Charlotte's Web.
15482 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2597 Kelly Well, you have to make a choice, it's either your daughter, or me.
15483 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2597 Darryl My daughter.
15484 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2597 Kelly Okay, I see how it is. Oops.
15485 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2597 Darryl That was cold.
15486 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2598 Phyllis He's always been terrible with money.
15487 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2598 Stanley I bet it's Jan spending him straight to the poor house.
15488 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2598 Kevin Yeah, women be shoppin'.
15489 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2598 Meredith I can't believe he has a second job.
15490 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2598 Oscar He's not even good at his first one.
15491 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2598 Michael Hey guys.
15492 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2598 Kevin Shh.
15493 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2598 Michael What'cha talking about? Okay, I know what's going on. You're talking about Jim and Pam, if they're having s*x, what it looks like, I know, I think---
15494 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2598 Pam Michael.
15495 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2598 Michael Hey, hey, hey.
15496 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2598 Oscar Michael, are you having money problems?
15497 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2598 Michael Monkey problem? No, I'm not having monkey problems. Why would I have monkey problems?
15498 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2598 Oscar You heard me correctly.
15499 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2598 Michael Oh, I hate monkeys.
15500 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2598 Pam What's going on, why do you have a second job?
15501 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2598 Michael I don't have a second job. Maybe I'm having an affair with Suzanne Summers.
15502 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2598 Pam Doesn't Jan have money?
15503 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2598 Michael I don't talk to my girlfriend about money. It is rude, and unsexual.
15504 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2598 Kevin True, it's best to hide our money problems from women.
15505 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2598 Michael I totally agree with you. But I don't have money problems, I don't. Alright, you know what? Watch this, if I had money problems, would I do this?
15506 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2598 Oscar, Stanley You just put it back in your pocket.
15507 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2598 Michael Yeah, but I destroyed it, it's not even useable anymore.
15508 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2599 Darryl Hey, let's call this what it is.
15509 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2600 Darryl It's like she only wants to hook up when Ryan comes around. It's gotten to the point where I get excited every time I see that little dude walk through the door.
15510 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2601 Kelly Well, I just need to know where this is going.
15511 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2601 Darryl Hey, I like you. Oh yeah, what's not to like? But you need to access your uncrazy side, otherwise maybe this thing's run its course.
15512 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2601 Kelly Don't you dare walk away from me Darryl Philben, you are the most selfish person I've ever met in my entire---
15513 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2601 Darryl Slow down, think it over.
15514 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2602 Kelly Darryl Philben is the most complicated man that I've ever met. I mean, who says exactly what they're thinking? What kind of game is that?
15515 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2603 Creed Hey cuz, heard you're having money problems.
15516 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2603 Michael No you didn't.
15517 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2603 Creed Listen, I've got the answer. You declare bankruptcy, all your problems go away.
15518 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2604 Creed Creed Bratton has never declared bankruptcy. When Creed Bratton gets in trouble, he transfers his debt to William Charles Schneider.
15519 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2605 Michael How would that help Creed? In Monopoly when you go bankrupt, you lose.
15520 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2605 Creed You don't go by Monopoly man, that game is nuts. Nobody just picks up "get out of jail free" cards, those things cost thousands.
15521 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2605 Michael That is a good point.
15522 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2605 Creed Bankruptcy, Michael, is nature's do-over. It's a fresh start, it's a clean slate.
15523 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2605 Michael Like the witness protection program.
15524 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2605 Creed Exactly.
15525 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2605 Oscar Not at all.
15526 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2606 Michael I've always wanted to be in the witness protection program. Fresh start, no debts, no baggage. I've already got my name picked out, Lord Rupert Everton. I'm a shipping merchant who raises fancy dogs. That's the life.
15527 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2607 Michael I... DECLARE... BANKRUPTCY!
15528 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2608 Oscar Hey, I just wanted you to know that you can't just say the word bankruptcy and expect anything to happen.
15529 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2608 Michael I didn't say it, I declared it.
15530 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2608 Oscar Still, that's not anything.
15531 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2609 Oscar This is a lot of credit card debt.
15532 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2609 Michael Yeah, tell me about it.
15533 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2609 Oscar Mmm.
15534 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2609 Michael You know, Jan has my credit cards, and she's using them as if I'm made of money, she thinks I'm a human ATM machine.
15535 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2609 Oscar Okay, a hundred and twenty-five dollars, Amazon.
15536 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2609 Michael Oh, that's the Muppet Show, on DVD, classic.
15537 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2609 Oscar Twelve hundred dollars. What's a Core Blaster Extreme?
15538 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2609 Michael That is by far the best way to strengthen your core. This machine, you sit on a stabilizer ball, you put your feet into the power stir-ups, you reach up and you grab onto the super rod, and you twist, and you twist, and you twist. It strengthens your entire core. Your back core, your arm core, the Marine Core actually uses it. I think that's how they got a core.
15539 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2610 Andy I left a little present for Angela. I think she's going to like it, because I found it outside of Vance Refrigeration all alone, and I told her in the note that the cat came to find her, that they were destined to be together. I got game.
15540 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2611 Oscar Okay, the green bar is what you spend every month on stuff you need, like a car and a house.
15541 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2611 Michael Mm-hm. That is so cool how you have my name at the top.
15542 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2611 Oscar The red bar is what you spend on non-essentials, like magazines, entertainment, things like that.
15543 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2611 Michael Right.
15544 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2611 Oscar This scary black bar is what you spend on things that no one ever, ever needs, like multiple magic sets, professional bass fishing equipment.
15545 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2611 Michael How do they do this so fast? Is this power-point?
15546 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2612 Pam Man, Angela really had a hold on him. Angela.
15547 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2613 Oscar Michael, I'm going to set you and Jan up with a debt consolidator, you meet with this guy.
15548 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2613 Michael No, no, we are going to leave Jan out of this.
15549 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2613 Oscar She has to know.
15550 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2613 Michael We will find another way, we'll ask power-point.
15551 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2613 Oscar Michael, this is a presentation tool.
15552 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2613 Michael You're a presentation tool if you think I'm gonna tell Jan about this.
15553 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2613 Oscar I'm done!
15554 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2613 Michael No you're not! Ok, just... you're not a tool. Look, we'll tell her that it's bad, but it could've been a lot worse but due to some fancy financial foot work I was able to cut it in half.
15555 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2613 Oscar Jan is smart.
15556 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2613 Michael She poses.
15557 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2614 Jim Dwight, how's the hotel business?
15558 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2614 Dwight Stupid.
15559 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2614 Jim Have you checked Trip Advisor recently?
15560 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2614 Dwight No.
15561 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2614 Jim Maybe you should.
15562 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2614 Dwight Maybe you should. Whatever.
15563 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2615 Pam We wrote a good review. Under comments, we wrote, the natural aroma of the beets drifts into the bedroom and makes you dream of simpler times.
15564 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2615 Jim The dawn goose walk will tug at your heartstrings.
15565 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2615 Pam Table making never seemed so possible.
15566 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2615 Jim You will never want to leave your room.
15567 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2615 Pam The architecture reminds one of a quaint Tuscan beet farm.
15568 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2616 Dwight I'm glad you enjoyed your stay.
15569 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2616 Pam We really did. It was fun.
15570 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2617 Oscar So due to Michael's clever financial maneuvering, he finds himself tremendously in debt.
15571 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2617 Jan You're broke?
15572 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2617 Michael Um, that's, how did you get that from what Oscar's saying?
15573 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2617 Jan Michael, how did this happen? Where did all your money go? I don't, I don't get this. I really don't. I don't know how you could be so irresponsible. I mean, this is, it is astounding to me, really. I don't know what more to say.
15574 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2617 Oscar Jan.
15575 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2617 Jan Yeah, what?
15576 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2617 Oscar Michael left.
15577 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2617 Jan Okay, where did he go?
15578 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2617 Oscar I don't know.
15579 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2617 Jan Well, is he coming right back?
15580 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2617 Oscar I don't think so.
15581 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2617 Jan I'll be right there.
15582 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2618 Michael What am I doing? I am blowing dodge. I'm getting out of town. Whatever you call it, I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.
15583 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2619 Angela You may ask me out to dinner. Nothing fancy or foreign, no bars, no patios, no vegetables, and no seafood.
15584 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2620 Pam Dwight.
15585 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2621 Dwight Uhh-mmm
15586 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2621 Jim Did I ever tell you why I left Scranton?
15587 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2621 Dwight No you didn't.
15588 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2621 Jim Yeah, I didn't think I had. Well, it was all about Pam.
15589 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2621 Dwight Mmm-uh-mm
15590 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2621 Jim Yeah, I mean she was with Roy, and, uh, I just couldn't take it. I mean, I lost it Dwight. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't concentrate on anything. Even weird stuff, like food had no taste. So my solution was to move away. It was awful. It was something that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, and that includes you.
15591 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2622 Pam Hey, I was thinking about dinner---
15592 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2622 Jim Ah, dinner. Let's see, maybe we should try the new Italian place, where the drive-in used to be.
15593 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2622 Pam Okay.
15594 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2622 Jim Yeah?
15595 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2622 Pam Yeah.
15596 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2622 Jim Okay.
15597 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2623 Pam Jim's just really passionate about Italian food.
15598 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2624 Jim Yep, I'm very passionate about Italian food. In fact, um, I'm in love with Italian food.
15599 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2625 Oscar Jan, he went running that way.
15600 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2625 Jan Alright.
15601 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2626 Michael Runaway train, never come back. Runaway and I'm never coming back.
15602 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2626 Jan Michael.
15603 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2626 Michael Hey Jan.
15604 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2626 Jan What's going on?
15605 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2626 Michael Not much, what's up with you?
15606 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2626 Jan Well, why are you sitting on a train? Where are you going?
15607 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2626 Michael I'm out of answers Jan.
15608 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2626 Jan What does that mean?
15609 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2626 Michael I told you, no more answers. This is who I am now. A guy on a train with no answers. I hope that can be enough for you.
15610 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2626 Jan Michael, come on. Running away from your problems won't solve anything. You know that.
15611 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2626 Michael I don't know that.
15612 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2626 Jan Your creditors can follow you anywhere with ease. Your debt follows you around the world, electronically.
15613 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2626 Michael I'll stay off the grid.
15614 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2626 Jan Uh, Michael, come on, come on, you can deal with this. It's not that bad.
15615 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2626 Michael Yeah it is, it is. I really messed up.
15616 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2626 Jan Well, when my life fell apart and they, and they screwed me in New York, and I felt like my whole world was collapsing around me, I didn't have anyone. I mean, my whole family still won't even talk to me, on the advice of counsel, and my friends were just waiting for this to happen.
15617 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2626 Michael That's really nice of you to say.
15618 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2626 Jan Michael, no, what I want to say is you were there for me. By my side. Without even a thought. That's just who you are. I mean, no matter how badly I treat you, or what I'm going through, you just, you are there for me. And that is a guy worth staying beside. So, where's this train taking us?
15619 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2626 Michael I think the engineer left.
15620 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2627 Dwight Hello, this is Dwight Schrute calling from Dunder-Mifflin, and according to our records you appear to be low on office supplies. Okay, sure, yeah I can take care of that right now.
15621 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2628 Michael Don't sell your implants please.
15622 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2628 Jan I'm keeping them. I know you like them. They're kind of uncomfortable though.
15623 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2628 Michael That's nice though.
15624 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2628 Jan It's kind of painful and my nipples are over-sensitive now.
15625 4 7 Money (Parts 1&2) 2628 Michael It looks cute though.
15626 4 9 Local Ad 2629 Michael Yeah! Everything! Oh it's all good, it's all good. Phyllis!
15627 4 9 Local Ad 2629 Phyllis Dancing babies!
15628 4 9 Local Ad 2629 Michael Dancing babies! I love it! I love it!
15629 4 9 Local Ad 2630 Michael We are making a commercial for Dunder Mifflin today. Our first ad ever. Corporate purchased some air time in local markets to spread the word about Dunder Mifflin Infinity and they are even sending up a professional ad company to help us make it later so... it's uh, not too shabby.
15630 4 9 Local Ad 2631 Andy Best ad ever. Gimme a break, gimme a break, break me off a piece of that... I am totally blanking. What is the thing?
15631 4 9 Local Ad 2631 Jim Nobody tell him!
15632 4 9 Local Ad 2631 Andy What? No, why?
15633 4 9 Local Ad 2631 Jim You got it, you're so close!
15634 4 9 Local Ad 2631 Andy Break me off a piece of that... huh huh huh... br- applesauce.
15635 4 9 Local Ad 2631 Jim Break me off a piece of that applesauce, I don't think...
15636 4 9 Local Ad 2631 Andy Break me off a piece of that Chrysler car.
15637 4 9 Local Ad 2631 Jim Nope.
15638 4 9 Local Ad 2631 Andy Football cream. Grr!
15639 4 9 Local Ad 2631 Michael Okay, it's football cream. It's football cream. Alright! So, anybody else?
15640 4 9 Local Ad 2631 Pam I'm taking a computer animation class so I could try to do a logo.
15641 4 9 Local Ad 2631 Michael Look at that. Even the receptionist is getting in on the creativity. Very good, very good.
15642 4 9 Local Ad 2632 Michael Hello hello!
15643 4 9 Local Ad 2632 Ad guy 1 Hey, how ya doin'?
15644 4 9 Local Ad 2632 Michael Michael Scott.
15645 4 9 Local Ad 2632 Ad guy 2 Hey, Michael.
15646 4 9 Local Ad 2632 Michael Regional manager.
15647 4 9 Local Ad 2632 Ad guy 2 Hey Michael, nice to meet you
15648 4 9 Local Ad 2632 Michael Excited to talk ideas.
15649 4 9 Local Ad 2632 Ad guy 1 Let's do it, man.
15650 4 9 Local Ad 2632 Michael You know, I want this to be cutting edge. I want it to be fast, quick cuts, you know, youthful, sort of a MTV on crack kind of thing.
15651 4 9 Local Ad 2632 Ad guy 1 That sounds great.
15652 4 9 Local Ad 2633 Michael All right, good, well this is what we have to work with.
15653 4 9 Local Ad 2633 Michael I would like you to meet Andrew Bernard. The 'Nard Dog. Who let the 'Nard Dog out?
15654 4 9 Local Ad 2633 Andy Hoo hoo hoo-hoo!
15655 4 9 Local Ad 2633 Michael He gives the best back rubs in the office.
15656 4 9 Local Ad 2633 Andy It's true, I give a mean backrub. I also do good aromatherapy . Not! You just got 'Nard dogged!
15657 4 9 Local Ad 2633 Michael Now this gentleman right here is the key to our urban vibe.
15658 4 9 Local Ad 2633 Stanley Urban? I grew up in a small town. What about me seems urban to you?
15659 4 9 Local Ad 2633 Michael Stanley is hilarious. Phyllis is like our Mrs. Butterworth. Kind of a less urban Aunt Jemima.
15660 4 9 Local Ad 2633 Michael These are our accountants. And as you can see they are very different sizes. What you might want to do is kind of a Papa Bear, Mama Bear, Baby Bear thing. That might be kind of fun.
15661 4 9 Local Ad 2633 Kevin Mama Bear!
15662 4 9 Local Ad 2633 Michael Who else?
15663 4 9 Local Ad 2634 Jim I think it's great that the company's making a commercial because not very many people have heard of us. I mean, when I tell people that I work at Dunder Mifflin, they think that we sell mufflers, or muffins, or mittens, or... And frankly all of those sound better than paper, so I let it slide.
15664 4 9 Local Ad 2635 Jim You playing that game again?
15665 4 9 Local Ad 2635 Dwight Second Life is not a game. It is a multi-user virtual environment. It doesn't have points or scores, it doesn't have winners or losers.
15666 4 9 Local Ad 2635 Jim Oh it has losers.
15667 4 9 Local Ad 2636 Dwight I signed up for Second Life about a year ago. Back then my life was so great that I literally wanted a second one. In my Second Life I was also a paper salesman and I was also named Dwight. Absolutely everything was the same. Except I could fly.
15668 4 9 Local Ad 2637 Michael Little girl in a field holding a flower, we zoom back to find that she's in the desert and the field is an oasis. Zoom back further the desert is a sandbox in the world's largest resort hotel. Zoom back further the hotel is actually the playground for the world's largest prison. But we zoom back further---
15669 4 9 Local Ad 2637 Ad guy 1 Okay I can tell that your time is valuable---
15670 4 9 Local Ad 2637 Michael Actually I don't get paid by the hour anymore, but thank you, I get paid by the year, so...
15671 4 9 Local Ad 2637 Ad guy 1 That all sounds really, really ambitious.
15672 4 9 Local Ad 2637 Michael Yeah, I know.
15673 4 9 Local Ad 2637 Ad guy 1 Why don't we show you what we did with the Nashua branch?
15674 4 9 Local Ad 2637 Michael Mmm. Okay.
15675 4 9 Local Ad 2637 Michael That's what Nassau came up with? That sucks! Whoa.
15676 4 9 Local Ad 2637 Ad guy 1 That's what we came up with.
15677 4 9 Local Ad 2637 Michael Well we can do better than that.
15678 4 9 Local Ad 2637 Ad guy 2 Well the main part of the ad has to stay the same, actually.
15679 4 9 Local Ad 2637 Ad guy 1 Yeah, it's the last five seconds where we have some leeway.
15680 4 9 Local Ad 2637 Michael The waving?
15681 4 9 Local Ad 2637 Ad guy 1 Well, no, no. You don't have to be waving. That was just what they did. You guys can be clapping. Sitting. Standing outside, inside, whatever. This is where you really get to be creative.
15682 4 9 Local Ad 2638 Andy I need some advice. I've been spending a lot of time making out with Angela lately. But we've been necking, but only necking. Right? Not actually kissing, our mouths, just the neck on neck. It's just like rubbing slash nuzzling our necks together. It's hot, I'm not going to lie to you , but it's a little weird, but you seem like a guy with answers, so how do I fast track this to get to first base?
15683 4 9 Local Ad 2638 Dwight We cannot talk about this... because, someone might hear us.
15684 4 9 Local Ad 2638 Andy We'll use code names.
15685 4 9 Local Ad 2638 Dwight Angela can stay the same, but we'll change Andy to Dwight.
15686 4 9 Local Ad 2638 Andy That's not different enough.
15687 4 9 Local Ad 2638 Dwight Dwike?
15688 4 9 Local Ad 2639 Receptionist You have a call from Eddie Murphy.
15689 4 9 Local Ad 2639 Ryan Hello?
15690 4 9 Local Ad 2639 Michael Shrek! Shrek, I'm a donkey! I'm a donkey, Shrek! I'm just kidding. It's me. Hello Ry.
15691 4 9 Local Ad 2639 Ryan What?
15692 4 9 Local Ad 2639 Michael Okay, calm down. I have a small problem.
15693 4 9 Local Ad 2639 Ryan I told you not to call about small problems.
15694 4 9 Local Ad 2639 Michael Yeah, well when I call about big problems you don't like that either, so make up you mind, kiddo. Here is the deal, the ad guys that you sent are locking me in a creative box, and sort of ignoring my ideas.
15695 4 9 Local Ad 2639 Ryan That's good. They're creative, you're not.
15696 4 9 Local Ad 2639 Michael I'm creative, Ryan.
15697 4 9 Local Ad 2639 Ryan It's not part of your job, it's like, maybe you can cook but it doesn't mean you should start a restaurant.
15698 4 9 Local Ad 2639 Michael Well actually I can't cook, and I am starting a restaurant. Mike's Cereal Shack. I'm thinking we'll have as many varieties as you can buy in the store.
15699 4 9 Local Ad 2639 Ryan Okay, I'm not really interested in that right now. I'm delegating creativity to creative professionals. It's a different skills set. Look, I wasn't good at sales, right?
15700 4 9 Local Ad 2639 Michael Yeah!
15701 4 9 Local Ad 2639 Ryan But I'm good at managing people who do sales .
15702 4 9 Local Ad 2639 Michael Are you? I don't think you're doing such a good job here, suppressing ideas and creativity.
15703 4 9 Local Ad 2640 Michael All right, let me ask you this, tell me if you think this is creative. When I was five, I imagined that there was such a thing as a unicorn. And this is before I had even heard of one, or seen one. I just drew a picture of a horse that could fly over rainbows, and had a huge spike in its head. And I was five, five years old. Couldn't even talk yet.
15704 4 9 Local Ad 2641 Michael Hey guys, um, you know what, we cannot shoot this ad today.
15705 4 9 Local Ad 2641 Ad guy 2 Okay, when should we come back?
15706 4 9 Local Ad 2641 Michael How about never hundred hours, sir.
15707 4 9 Local Ad 2641 Ad guy 2 We were sent here to help out.
15708 4 9 Local Ad 2641 Ad guy 1 Okay I'm not going to argue with this guy. Let's go. Good luck dude.
15709 4 9 Local Ad 2641 Michael Hey thanks. Thank you.
15710 4 9 Local Ad 2642 David Wallace Michael, David Wallace. What is this about dismissing the ad people?
15711 4 9 Local Ad 2642 Michael Yeah, I'm glad you called. Ryan is being a little bitch again.
15712 4 9 Local Ad 2642 Ryan I'm on Michael.
15713 4 9 Local Ad 2642 Michael What's up my brotha? Listen, David, I would like to do this ad in house. I want to use only the creativity that we have right here in the office. And I will send it to you tomorrow morning, take a look at it, and if you do not think that it's ready to air, send the ad agency back down here, and we'll do it on my dime.
15714 4 9 Local Ad 2642 David Wallace This is weird.
15715 4 9 Local Ad 2642 Michael I'm willing to stake my entire reputation on it.
15716 4 9 Local Ad 2642 David Wallace Okay, I'll see it tomorrow.
15717 4 9 Local Ad 2642 Michael Okay. And thus, Michael Scott sealed his own destiny. In a good way.
15718 4 9 Local Ad 2643 Michael Has anyone ever come up to you and said, "You're not creative"?
15719 4 9 Local Ad 2643 Dwight Yes.
15720 4 9 Local Ad 2643 Michael Well they're wrong. You are creative. You are damn creative. Each and every one of you. You are so much more creative than all of the other dry, boring morons that you work with.
15721 4 9 Local Ad 2643 Jim Who are you talking to, specifically?
15722 4 9 Local Ad 2644 Kevin I kind of know what it's like to be in commercials. My nickname in high school used to be Kool-Aid Man.
15723 4 9 Local Ad 2645 Oscar When I was younger I always wanted to be an actor in commercials. Then I realized I had a brain.
15724 4 9 Local Ad 2646 Meredith I'm excited about doing the ad, but I'm not really used to doing videos with so many people around.
15725 4 9 Local Ad 2647 Michael We have three scenes to film, big scenes. We have a song to write. So let's get cracking. Kelly, I want you to do makeup. Oscar, I would like you to do costume design, obviously. Phyllis, I'd like you look around town and see if we have any celebrities in our local area.
15726 4 9 Local Ad 2648 Phyllis Sue Grafton is at the Steamtown Mall. She's doing a book signing right now.
15727 4 9 Local Ad 2648 Michael Okay, okay, Phyllis this is what I want you to do. I want you to go down to the mall. I want you to get in line. I want you to get her to be in this commercial. This would be a huge coupe people. All right? Do not take no for an answer.
15728 4 9 Local Ad 2648 Phyllis Okay.
15729 4 9 Local Ad 2648 Andy Does anyone actually know what Sue Grafton looks like? I mean, is she hot or-?
15730 4 9 Local Ad 2648 Creed She's crazy hot.
15731 4 9 Local Ad 2648 Andy Well then maybe we should just use Angela and say she's Sue Grafton. Would anyone notice?
15732 4 9 Local Ad 2648 Angela That's not happening.
15733 4 9 Local Ad 2649 Angela I find the mystery genre disgusting. I hate being titillated.
15734 4 9 Local Ad 2650 Phyllis Bye everyone.
15735 4 9 Local Ad 2650 Michael Line it up Phyllis.
15736 4 9 Local Ad 2650 Creed Get her Phyll.
15737 4 9 Local Ad 2651 Darryl Out of paper, out of stock, there's friendly faces around the block, break loose from the chains that are causing your pain.
15738 4 9 Local Ad 2651 Andy, Creed, Kevin, Kelly, Darryl Call Michael or Stanley, Jim, Dwight or Creed. Call Andy and Kelly for your business paper needs.
15739 4 9 Local Ad 2651 Darryl Dunder Mifflin.
15740 4 9 Local Ad 2651 Andy, Creed, Kevin, Kelly The people person's paper people.
15741 4 9 Local Ad 2651 Darryl Dunder Mifflin.
15742 4 9 Local Ad 2651 Andy, Creed, Kevin, Kelly The people person's paper people.
15743 4 9 Local Ad 2651 Michael Time out, time out, time out, time out, time out. I thought... I was under the impression that this was going to be a rap.
15744 4 9 Local Ad 2651 Darryl What's rap?
15745 4 9 Local Ad 2651 Michael Okay, Darryl, wow, you need to learn a lot about your own culture. I'll make you a mix.
15746 4 9 Local Ad 2651 Darryl Great.
15747 4 9 Local Ad 2652 Andy News flash. I got some juicy updates on Operation Fallen Angel. Remind me to tell you later.
15748 4 9 Local Ad 2653 Jim Hey.
15749 4 9 Local Ad 2653 Pam No talk, I'm animating.
15750 4 9 Local Ad 2653 Jim Why don't we take a quick ten second break from that so I can show you what's going on here. Okay, this is Dwight's Second Life. He's on it all the time. So much so that his little guy here has created his own world. It's called Second Second Life, for those people who want to be removed even further from reality.
15751 4 9 Local Ad 2653 Pam Are you serious?
15752 4 9 Local Ad 2653 Jim Yeah.
15753 4 9 Local Ad 2653 Pam Oh my God, he's really in pain.
15754 4 9 Local Ad 2653 Pam Who's that?
15755 4 9 Local Ad 2653 Jim Oh, it's just my avatar guy. Whatever.
15756 4 9 Local Ad 2653 Pam He looks a lot like you. How much time did you spend on that?
15757 4 9 Local Ad 2653 Jim Not much, it's just for tracking Dwight so---
15758 4 9 Local Ad 2653 Pam Right... you're a sports writer in Philadelphia? Nice build too.
15759 4 9 Local Ad 2653 Jim Yep.
15760 4 9 Local Ad 2653 Pam You have a guitar slung on your back. I did not know you played guitar.
15761 4 9 Local Ad 2653 Jim I... why don't we go back to this animation.
15762 4 9 Local Ad 2653 Pam No no no, I want to see more of Philly Jim. I want Philly Jim.
15763 4 9 Local Ad 2653 Jim Ah, show me how this works.
15764 4 9 Local Ad 2653 Pam Oh boy.
15765 4 9 Local Ad 2654 Darryl Out of paper, out of stock, there's friendly faces around the block, break loose from the chains that are causing your pain. Call Michael, Stanley, Jim, Dwight or Creed. Call Andy and Kelly for your business paper needs. Call Dunder Mifflin.
15766 4 9 Local Ad 2654 Andy, Creed, Kevin, Kelly The people person's paper people.
15767 4 9 Local Ad 2654 Darryl Dunder Mifflin.
15768 4 9 Local Ad 2654 Andy, Creed, Kevin, Kelly The people person's paper people.
15769 4 9 Local Ad 2654 Michael Stop. Stop stop stop stop stop stop. This is not me. This is not my music.
15770 4 9 Local Ad 2654 Darryl You're right, it's better than you! It's us! Dunder Mifflin.
15771 4 9 Local Ad 2654 Andy, Creed, Kevin, Kelly The people person's paper people.
15772 4 9 Local Ad 2654 Michael No, I hate it! I hate it! ...I don't hate it, I just don't like it at all. And it's terrible.
15773 4 9 Local Ad 2654 Darryl You're on your own, Mike.
15774 4 9 Local Ad 2654 Michael Okay, you know what. Hold on, hold on Darryl.
15775 4 9 Local Ad 2654 Darryl You just said you hated it.
15776 4 9 Local Ad 2654 Michael No. I said I hate the, the style.
15777 4 9 Local Ad 2655 Andy Break me off a piece of that lumber tar. Snickers bar.
15778 4 9 Local Ad 2655 Michael Okay, wow. Wow, this looks uh, terrible.
15779 4 9 Local Ad 2655 Andy Break me off a piece of that Grey Poupon.
15780 4 9 Local Ad 2655 Michael Andy, Andy, this is a pivotal scene in the ad. And if we don't get this, if we don't nail it, we're going to lose the whole triumph of the moment. The triumph of the will. Now, God, what? What Phyllis?
15781 4 9 Local Ad 2655 Phyllis Well, I got in line to buy Sue Grafton's book and when it came to my turn I asked if she wanted to be in the ad and she said no thank you, but I wasn't supposed to take no for an answer.
15782 4 9 Local Ad 2655 Michael That'a girl.
15783 4 9 Local Ad 2655 Phyllis So I kept on asking and they finally threw me out of the store in front of all my friends.
15784 4 9 Local Ad 2655 Michael Did you, or did you not get Sue Grafton?
15785 4 9 Local Ad 2655 Phyllis No.
15786 4 9 Local Ad 2655 Michael Ugh, can somebody give her a tissue please?
15787 4 9 Local Ad 2656 Jim I hope you're not killing yourself on this, because I'm sure it's good enough for Michael's ad that will probably be seen by no one.
15788 4 9 Local Ad 2656 Pam Maybe, but it's not good enough for me yet.
15789 4 9 Local Ad 2656 Jim Okay. Do you want me to stay?
15790 4 9 Local Ad 2656 Pam No no, you can go home. I'm good.
15791 4 9 Local Ad 2657 Jim Pam is staying late tonight to uh, achieve her dreams. So I'm pretty proud of her, unfortunately she was my ride home.
15792 4 9 Local Ad 2657 Meredith You comin'?
15793 4 9 Local Ad 2657 Jim I, ah...
15794 4 9 Local Ad 2657 Meredith Piss or get off the pot!
15795 4 9 Local Ad 2658 Pam Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.
15796 4 9 Local Ad 2658 Jim Good morning. Yeah I'm sorry, I looked away for a second and Creed snatched your hash browns.
15797 4 9 Local Ad 2658 Pam Thank you.
15798 4 9 Local Ad 2658 Jim You're welcome.
15799 4 9 Local Ad 2659 Pam I worked until about 2:45 AM. And then I had to decide if I wanted to spend the night with Michael editing in his office, and Dwight watching Michael edit in his office, or drive home and probably fall asleep at the wheel and die in a fiery car wreck. I passed out on my keyboard trying to decide.
15800 4 9 Local Ad 2660 Andy Let me pour you some bubbly because somebody got to a whole new level last night.
15801 4 9 Local Ad 2660 Dwight Andy, I can't hear this right now.
15802 4 9 Local Ad 2660 Andy No, no no no, this is good. You know how we haven't really gotten anywhere that I want to get to physically yet? Well, last night, that changed. We're makin' out, I'm kissin' her neck, and cheek and her ear lobe, and she's not really kissing me back. But she closes her eyes and she's like, "Oh D, oh D."
15803 4 9 Local Ad 2660 Dwight She called you D?
15804 4 9 Local Ad 2660 Andy Yeah. D for Andy.
15805 4 9 Local Ad 2660 Dwight Oh D.
15806 4 9 Local Ad 2660 Andy Oh D.
15807 4 9 Local Ad 2660 Dwight Oh D.
15808 4 9 Local Ad 2660 Andy Oh D!
15809 4 9 Local Ad 2660 Both Ohhhhhh D! Ohhhh D!
15810 4 9 Local Ad 2661 Michael I'm about to send the ad to corporate... and it is sent. They'll probably watch it right away. I know I would. Okay.
15811 4 9 Local Ad 2661 Pam Yes?
15812 4 9 Local Ad 2661 Michael Pam, please clear my phone lines.
15813 4 9 Local Ad 2661 Pam Certainly. Okay, clear.
15814 4 9 Local Ad 2661 Michael They could call at any second now. Oh God...I better call.
15815 4 9 Local Ad 2662 Michael Well, it's been tough. The uh, geniuses at corporate rejected my commercial and tonight they are airing the brain dead version. So welcome one and all to the world premiere of Corporate Crapfest!
15816 4 9 Local Ad 2663 Everyone Oh!
15817 4 9 Local Ad 2663 Bartender Hey it seemed like a big hit.
15818 4 9 Local Ad 2663 Michael No, it was stupid. People like waving, waving sells. It's not art. Yet we made our ad, the real one was full of humor, and full of depth, and full heart and it was real.
15819 4 9 Local Ad 2664 Jim Hey, could you do me a favor? Could you put that in the DVD player?
15820 4 9 Local Ad 2665 Jim Hey everybody! Just want to welcome you all to the premiere of the real Dunder Mifflin commercial, the Michael Scott director's cut. Hope you like it.
15821 4 9 Local Ad 2666 Michael's Ad It all starts with an idea. But you can never tell where an idea will end up. Because ideas spread, they change, grow. They connect us with the world. And in a fast moving world, where good news moves at the speed of time , and bad news isn't always what it seems. Because when push comes to shove we all deserve a second chance. To score. Dunder Mifflin. Limitless paper in a paperless world.
15822 4 9 Local Ad 2667 Jim Animation? All her by the way.
15823 4 9 Local Ad 2667 Bartender Really?
15824 4 9 Local Ad 2667 Jim I just thought you should---
15825 4 9 Local Ad 2667 Bartender The animation was cool.
15826 4 9 Local Ad 2667 Pam Thanks.
15827 4 9 Local Ad 2667 Bartender Hey listen, you ever been on a motorcycle?
15828 4 9 Local Ad 2667 Jim Ahh.
15829 4 9 Local Ad 2668 Kevin Michael, that was fun.
15830 4 9 Local Ad 2668 Michael That was fun. Next round of drinks is on me, people!
15831 4 9 Local Ad 2669 Andy Claude Van Damme, Hair for Men, poison gas, NutraSweet. It's gotta rhyme with "piece." Fancy Feast! Break me off a piece of that Fancy Feast! It's the cat food. Nailed it.
15832 4 10 Branch Wars 2670 Rolando Dunder Mifflin, this is Rolando. Oh yes, she's been expecting your call.
15833 4 10 Branch Wars 2670 Karen Yeah.
15834 4 10 Branch Wars 2670 Rolando Karen? He's on line one.
15835 4 10 Branch Wars 2670 Karen Thanks Ro. Hey, we finally connected. How's Scranton?
15836 4 10 Branch Wars 2671 Karen I am the regional manager of Dunder-Mifflin Utica branch. Turns out it's a pretty easy gig when your boss isn't an idiot and your boyfriend's not in love with somebody else.
15837 4 10 Branch Wars 2672 Karen Look, All I'm saying is it would be a great opportunity, and we'd love to have you come aboard. So think about it, okay? Okay, bye.
15838 4 10 Branch Wars 2673 Karen Look, for the record, a certain Scranton salesman approached me, okay?
15839 4 10 Branch Wars 2674 Michael This is perfect.
15840 4 10 Branch Wars 2674 Dwight He looks like your twin.
15841 4 10 Branch Wars 2674 Michael This is a dummy, a la Ferris Bueller's Day Off. We have tied a string to the wrist, which goes to the door. When somebody opens the door, the hand goes down, hits the remote, turns on the tape recorder, which is me snoring. Now nobody knows whether I am here, or whether I am gone.
15842 4 10 Branch Wars 2674 Dwight I will know.
15843 4 10 Branch Wars 2674 Michael But, you will not tell anyone.
15844 4 10 Branch Wars 2674 Dwight I won't need to because we'll be together playing hooky. Yeah.
15845 4 10 Branch Wars 2674 Michael Well, sometimes. Most of the time I will be with Ryan, or Darryl. Yes? Oh good, good Stanley! First victim, this is what I want you to do. Go out, come back in. We're going to hide. I want you to tell me if this looks like me, okay?
15846 4 10 Branch Wars 2674 Stanley I don't understand why sleeping at your desk is better than you not being here.
15847 4 10 Branch Wars 2674 Michael Just go out, and come back in.
15848 4 10 Branch Wars 2674 Stanley I got an offer from Utica for more money, and I'm going to take it.
15849 4 10 Branch Wars 2674 Michael What?
15850 4 10 Branch Wars 2675 Michael Hey everyone, can I have your attention please? I just thought you all should know that Stanley Hudson is planning on leaving us, because our old friend Karen from Utica is going to give him more money to work there.
15851 4 10 Branch Wars 2675 Michael No, no, no, no, no-no, no no. You completely misinterpreted my tone, this is a horrible thing. Clearly, Karen is trying to get back at us because Jim dumped her.
15852 4 10 Branch Wars 2675 Jim Oh, I don't think that is what's happening.
15853 4 10 Branch Wars 2675 Michael Okay, smarty pants, then why? Why is she trying to take Stanley from us?
15854 4 10 Branch Wars 2675 Stanley I think it's because of my sales record.
15855 4 10 Branch Wars 2675 Michael That could not possibly be it.
15856 4 10 Branch Wars 2676 Michael You cannot take the hilarious black guy from the office. Stanley is part of what makes this branch so extraordinary. The bluesy wisdom, the sassy remarks, the crossword puzzles, the smile, those big watery red eyes. I don't know how George Bush did it when Colin Powell left, and if Utica thinks that they are going to poach Stanley, they have another thing coming.
15857 4 10 Branch Wars 2677 Michael How can I get you to stay?
15858 4 10 Branch Wars 2677 Stanley Money.
15859 4 10 Branch Wars 2677 Michael Yeah we all want money. But there is none in the budget, so... Tell me why you're really leaving.
15860 4 10 Branch Wars 2677 Stanley Money.
15861 4 10 Branch Wars 2677 Michael Mo money mo problems, Stanley. You of all people should know that. Let me ask you this, if I were-
15862 4 10 Branch Wars 2677 Stanley Money.
15863 4 10 Branch Wars 2677 Michael Pssh, kay.
15864 4 10 Branch Wars 2678 Pam Oscar, did you bring it?
15865 4 10 Branch Wars 2678 Oscar To be Edwardian. His best work.
15866 4 10 Branch Wars 2678 Pam Okay, well I have the tablecloth, don't forget the flatware.
15867 4 10 Branch Wars 2678 Oscar Sure thing Pam, can't wait.
15868 4 10 Branch Wars 2679 Pam Oscar, Toby, and I are founding members of the Finer Things Club. We meet once a month to discuss books and art, celebrate culture in a very civilized way. Sometimes the debate can get heated, but we're always respectful. There is no paper, no plastic, and no work talk allowed. It's very exclusive.
15869 4 10 Branch Wars 2680 Oscar Besides having s*x with men, I would say that the Finer Things Club is the gayest thing about me.
15870 4 10 Branch Wars 2681 Jim So tell me again why I can't be part of your club?
15871 4 10 Branch Wars 2681 Pam Because some people think you monopolize the conversation by trying to be funny.
15872 4 10 Branch Wars 2681 Jim Oscar?
15873 4 10 Branch Wars 2681 Pam Some people.
15874 4 10 Branch Wars 2682 Karen Hello?
15875 4 10 Branch Wars 2682 Michael Fillipellers, how's it hanging?
15876 4 10 Branch Wars 2682 Karen Michael...
15877 4 10 Branch Wars 2682 Michael To the left?
15878 4 10 Branch Wars 2682 Karen Listen, I-
15879 4 10 Branch Wars 2682 Michael To the right?
15880 4 10 Branch Wars 2682 Karen I'm-
15881 4 10 Branch Wars 2682 Michael Okay, enough small talk, go ahead.
15882 4 10 Branch Wars 2682 Karen You called me.
15883 4 10 Branch Wars 2682 Michael Yes, listen, um... You cannot tear Stanley from his family like this.
15884 4 10 Branch Wars 2682 Karen I'm pretty sure his family's coming with him.
15885 4 10 Branch Wars 2682 Michael No, his work family. Look, this is very hard for me, but I'm going to give you my best man. You may have Toby.
15886 4 10 Branch Wars 2682 Karen Toby's not a salesperson.
15887 4 10 Branch Wars 2682 Michael You can train him. He's very very smart, and funny, and charming... You know, I can't do it, Toby is the worst. That- that was a bluff, um... Listen, if you are going to poach one of my guys, I'm going to poach one of yours.
15888 4 10 Branch Wars 2682 Karen Oooh. Good-bye Michael.
15889 4 10 Branch Wars 2682 Michael Okay, good-bye. Wait! Wait! Karen, could you transfer me to one of your salespeople please? Your best one?
15890 4 10 Branch Wars 2683 Pam I have Ben Nugent on the line, he is the top salesman in Utica.
15891 4 10 Branch Wars 2683 Michael Hi Ben, Michael Scott.
15892 4 10 Branch Wars 2683 Ben Hi Michael.
15893 4 10 Branch Wars 2683 Michael I'm going to cut right to the chase here. Do you like magic? Because I'm a genie in a bottle, and I'm going to grant you three wishes. To move to Scranton, to have a great job, and to be my best friend.
15894 4 10 Branch Wars 2683 Ben Aren't you the guy that hit the woman with your car?
15895 4 10 Branch Wars 2683 Michael Get out. Uh, yeah. I also saved her life, but I guess that's not as grabby.
15896 4 10 Branch Wars 2683 Ben Everyone says Scranton branch is worse than Camden. Didn't everyone from Stanford quit, like immediately?
15897 4 10 Branch Wars 2683 Michael No, I fired them, and your next. ... So what do you say?
15898 4 10 Branch Wars 2683 Ben Seriously?
15899 4 10 Branch Wars 2684 Michael What is that guy talking about? Scranton is not lame. Scranton is the cool, fun branch. We're like Animal House.
15900 4 10 Branch Wars 2685 Dwight Found him!
15901 4 10 Branch Wars 2685 Michael Jim, we're getting crapped on. Word is that our branch sucks, and we have to do something about it.
15902 4 10 Branch Wars 2685 Jim So what are you going to do?
15903 4 10 Branch Wars 2685 Michael What are we going to do? We are going to make a monster sale, that's what we're going to do. Corcroan dropped Staples.
15904 4 10 Branch Wars 2685 Jim Did they?
15905 4 10 Branch Wars 2685 Michael Yes they did, oh yes they did, and we are going to murder it. You, me, Dwight are going to jump into my PT Cruiser, and we're going to crush this sale. We're going to prove, what the hell is that music?
15906 4 10 Branch Wars 2685 Pam It's Vivaldi, for Finer Things.
15907 4 10 Branch Wars 2685 Michael That's the problem, that's the problem. We need rock n' roll Pam, rock n' roll. Alright? Oh... My... God, that's why people are leaving. I- I have no words.
15908 4 10 Branch Wars 2686 Jim We just passed the exit for Corcroan.
15909 4 10 Branch Wars 2686 Michael What? What? We did?
15910 4 10 Branch Wars 2686 Dwight, Michael Surprise! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
15911 4 10 Branch Wars 2686 Michael Look at his face! Look at his face!
15912 4 10 Branch Wars 2686 Jim What are we doing?
15913 4 10 Branch Wars 2686 Dwight Egg dripping, blah, blah, blah.
15914 4 10 Branch Wars 2686 Michael What are we doing, Dwight, what we are doing?
15915 4 10 Branch Wars 2686 Dwight Well, gee, Jim, I don't know, I guess there's no sales call today.
15916 4 10 Branch Wars 2686 Michael We are going on a panty raid to Utica, is what we're doing.
15917 4 10 Branch Wars 2686 Jim We're going to Utica?
15918 4 10 Branch Wars 2686 Michael Uh-huh.
15919 4 10 Branch Wars 2686 Jim I'm not going to Utica right now.
15920 4 10 Branch Wars 2686 Michael Yes you are. Oh, buckle up Jim.
15921 4 10 Branch Wars 2686 Jim No.
15922 4 10 Branch Wars 2686 Michael We are going to make Karen wish that she had never been dumped by you.
15923 4 10 Branch Wars 2686 Michael, Dwight Utica! Utica! Utica!
15924 4 10 Branch Wars 2687 Michael, Dwight Utica! Utica!
15925 4 10 Branch Wars 2687 Michael In your face
15926 4 10 Branch Wars 2687 Dwight Yow!
15927 4 10 Branch Wars 2687 Jim I can't believe you guys. I'm not going to go further piss off my ex-girlfriend.
15928 4 10 Branch Wars 2687 Michael Are you calling Karen?
15929 4 10 Branch Wars 2687 Jim No, I'm not calling Karen.
15930 4 10 Branch Wars 2687 Dwight He's lying.
15931 4 10 Branch Wars 2687 Michael Yep, get it.
15932 4 10 Branch Wars 2687 Jim What are you doing? Stop it, Dwight!
15933 4 10 Branch Wars 2687 Dwight Gah-ah-hah-ha!
15934 4 10 Branch Wars 2687 Jim Are you kidding me?
15935 4 10 Branch Wars 2687 Dwight No communication with the outside world Jim.
15936 4 10 Branch Wars 2687 Michael It had to be done, it had to be done.
15937 4 10 Branch Wars 2687 Jim Well, that kind of sucks, because it had all the photos of my brother's new baby on it, so...
15938 4 10 Branch Wars 2687 Dwight Oh no, that is too bad. Shoot.
15939 4 10 Branch Wars 2688 Jim Okay.
15940 4 10 Branch Wars 2688 Michael Hey Dwight, he found it.
15941 4 10 Branch Wars 2688 Jim You know what? I'm just going to call a cab from here.
15942 4 10 Branch Wars 2688 Michael Alright, you're going to miss the best prank ever.
15943 4 10 Branch Wars 2688 Jim Alright. Wait, what are you planning on doing?
15944 4 10 Branch Wars 2688 Michael Do you really wanna know?
15945 4 10 Branch Wars 2688 Jim Oh, God.
15946 4 10 Branch Wars 2688 Michael Follow me, come here. Here's what we brought, we brought uniforms from the warehouse. I brought silly string, Dwight brought gasoline and chunks of rubber to make stink bombs.
15947 4 10 Branch Wars 2688 Dwight Or real bombs.
15948 4 10 Branch Wars 2688 Michael No, no, not real bombs.
15949 4 10 Branch Wars 2688 Dwight Yeah, come on, it will be so badass.
15950 4 10 Branch Wars 2688 Michael Uh, maybe, maybe, I don't know.
15951 4 10 Branch Wars 2688 Jim No.
15952 4 10 Branch Wars 2688 Michael It could be badass. Yeah, it will.
15953 4 10 Branch Wars 2688 Jim No, no absolutely we are not doing this.
15954 4 10 Branch Wars 2688 Dwight Come on, I already filled the bottles with the gas, it's going to be so badass.
15955 4 10 Branch Wars 2688 Jim Are you kidding me? We've been driving around with this stuff in the trunk the whole time?
15956 4 10 Branch Wars 2688 Michael Teach her to offer Stanley more money.
15957 4 10 Branch Wars 2689 Jim So the deal was, Dwight doesn't blow anything up, and I wear a costume. And a moustache.
15958 4 10 Branch Wars 2690 Michael So, why did you and Karen break up? Was it the s*x?
15959 4 10 Branch Wars 2690 Jim What?
15960 4 10 Branch Wars 2690 Michael I can't imagine the s*x being bad, I mean her body is...
15961 4 10 Branch Wars 2690 Jim Okay, you know what?
15962 4 10 Branch Wars 2690 Michael ...awesome.
15963 4 10 Branch Wars 2690 Jim Why don't we play that alphabet game that you were talking about?
15964 4 10 Branch Wars 2690 Michael Okay, I will start. Um, "A." "A" my name is Alan, and my wife's name is Alice, we live in Alaska, and we sell... Damn it! What do we sell? Um...
15965 4 10 Branch Wars 2690 Jim It doesn't matter.
15966 4 10 Branch Wars 2690 Michael I'm trying to think of what we could sell.
15967 4 10 Branch Wars 2690 Jim Doesn't matter.
15968 4 10 Branch Wars 2690 Michael Ah, la, la, la. What is that? That sound... The air-conditioning leaking or something?
15969 4 10 Branch Wars 2690 Jim That doesn't make sense, couldn't be.
15970 4 10 Branch Wars 2690 Michael What is that? Dwight, are you peeing?
15971 4 10 Branch Wars 2690 Dwight I'm peeing in this empty can.
15972 4 10 Branch Wars 2690 Jim Oh my God!
15973 4 10 Branch Wars 2690 Michael Come on man, that is disgusting Dwight!
15974 4 10 Branch Wars 2690 Dwight Well you said that we couldn't make anymore stops, and I really had to go.
15975 4 10 Branch Wars 2690 Jim Michael, watch the road!
15976 4 10 Branch Wars 2690 Dwight Hey, you're making me spray!
15977 4 10 Branch Wars 2690 Michael I'll kill you man!
15978 4 10 Branch Wars 2690 Jim Michael! Michael, pull over!
15979 4 10 Branch Wars 2690 Michael That is just so disgusting!
15980 4 10 Branch Wars 2690 Jim Pull over, pull over!
15981 4 10 Branch Wars 2690 Dwight I think I cut my pen1s on the lid!
15982 4 10 Branch Wars 2691 Oscar Can you imagine a life where all you have to do is summer in the Italian countryside?
15983 4 10 Branch Wars 2691 Toby I know right? I just want to go, and look at art, and swim in the Adriatic.
15984 4 10 Branch Wars 2691 Pam And spend time with George Emerson. That's what I would do. I mean it's the best male protagonist we've read, right?
15985 4 10 Branch Wars 2691 Andy Totally, I mean, come on, such a free spirit.
15986 4 10 Branch Wars 2691 Oscar What are you doing?
15987 4 10 Branch Wars 2691 Andy Just came to discuss my favorite E.M. Forester novel. Pam, these finger sandwiches look finger-lickin' delicious Pam.
15988 4 10 Branch Wars 2691 Pam Uh, I'm sorry Andy, but this is a closed club.
15989 4 10 Branch Wars 2692 Andy The Finer Things Club is the most exclusive club in this office. Naturally, it's where I need to be. The party planning committee is my back up, and Kevin's band is my safety.
15990 4 10 Branch Wars 2693 Andy Fine. I'll just sit here, in the common area, and read my book. Which just happens to be the very same book you're reading.
15991 4 10 Branch Wars 2693 Toby Alright, just know that you're not in the Finer Things Club.
15992 4 10 Branch Wars 2693 Andy Why can't I be in the club?
15993 4 10 Branch Wars 2694 Jim I can't believe we're here, I can't believe this is happening.
15994 4 10 Branch Wars 2694 Dwight Believe it.
15995 4 10 Branch Wars 2694 Michael Afro wig, do you want the afro wig?
15996 4 10 Branch Wars 2694 Jim No, Michael. I'm not leaving the car.
15997 4 10 Branch Wars 2694 Michael Yeah, Dwight, here's how it's going to go down. You and I-
15998 4 10 Branch Wars 2694 Jim Guy's going by. Shh.
15999 4 10 Branch Wars 2694 Michael You and I are going to sneak inside and pretend that we are warehouse workers. And then we will silly string the beejeezus out of the place.
16000 4 10 Branch Wars 2694 Dwight And if we have to defend ourselves, I will stab the security guy in the eye with the jumbo chalk.
16001 4 10 Branch Wars 2694 Jim No, no, you won't do that. Nope.
16002 4 10 Branch Wars 2694 Dwight Then I'll grind up the jumbo chalk and blow it in his eyes.
16003 4 10 Branch Wars 2694 Jim Dwight, nothing with the eyes, please?
16004 4 10 Branch Wars 2694 Dwight Okay, Jim.
16005 4 10 Branch Wars 2694 Jim Oh my God, that's her! That's her, go, go, go.
16006 4 10 Branch Wars 2694 Dwight Let's move! Move, move, move, move!
16007 4 10 Branch Wars 2694 Jim Shut up, you, shut up! This is the dumbest thing we've ever done.
16008 4 10 Branch Wars 2695 Pam I think it's interesting how Forster uses Italy to represent sexuality and passion. And that also brought up themes of, uh, you know, fate and coincidence. And Lucy's torn between these two things. She's torn between passion and convention.
16009 4 10 Branch Wars 2695 Kevin Damn it!
16010 4 10 Branch Wars 2695 Pam It just- To be making a case for passion in Edwardian times, I thought was, uh...
16011 4 10 Branch Wars 2695 Oscar Yes.
16012 4 10 Branch Wars 2695 Kevin Damn it!
16013 4 10 Branch Wars 2695 Pam Maybe sort of ahead of his time as a writer.
16014 4 10 Branch Wars 2695 Oscar Very brave.
16015 4 10 Branch Wars 2695 Pam Very brave choice also, I thought.
16016 4 10 Branch Wars 2695 Oscar And George, his- his youthfulness. His, um, freedom. Evokes, um, um, feeling, um, to the, um... What are you microwaving!?
16017 4 10 Branch Wars 2695 Phyllis Popcorn.
16018 4 10 Branch Wars 2695 Pam Why don't you use the microwave in the kitchen, Phyllis?
16019 4 10 Branch Wars 2695 Phyllis Someone needs to clean it. It smells like popcorn.
16020 4 10 Branch Wars 2696 Andy So, Stanley, are you really outta here?
16021 4 10 Branch Wars 2696 Stanley Yep, looks that way.
16022 4 10 Branch Wars 2696 Andy I'm gonna miss you man, you've been like an uncle to me. Like a kind old uncle Remus. I wanna stay in touch.
16023 4 10 Branch Wars 2697 Michael We are in a stairwell.
16024 4 10 Branch Wars 2697 Dwight We are climbing some stairs.
16025 4 10 Branch Wars 2697 Dwight I'm breathing heavily.
16026 4 10 Branch Wars 2697 Jim Okay, you know what? You don't need to be updating me as much as you're updating me.
16027 4 10 Branch Wars 2697 Dwight Well...
16028 4 10 Branch Wars 2697 Michael There's a guy, there's a guy.
16029 4 10 Branch Wars 2697 Dwight There's a security guard coming by. Hello, we're warehouse workers. Would you like more proof?
16030 4 10 Branch Wars 2697 Michael Oh my God, oh my God, that was very close.
16031 4 10 Branch Wars 2697 Dwight I can see the security guard's eyes.
16032 4 10 Branch Wars 2697 Jim No, no, don't do anything to them.
16033 4 10 Branch Wars 2697 Dwight I have to do something to his eyes.
16034 4 10 Branch Wars 2698 Dwight The eyes are the groin of the head.
16035 4 10 Branch Wars 2699 Jim Alright, Great Scott, if you found that choking hazard poster, just head on home.
16036 4 10 Branch Wars 2699 Michael We found something far better, their crown jewel. Their industrial copier.
16037 4 10 Branch Wars 2699 Jim Isn't that thing huge?
16038 4 10 Branch Wars 2699 Michael It's enormous, but it's got wheels. We're wheeling it down the hall, into the stairwell. Get the car ready, keep the engine running.
16039 4 10 Branch Wars 2699 Jim No, that is a terrible idea, don't do this.
16040 4 10 Branch Wars 2699 Michael Aha!
16041 4 10 Branch Wars 2699 Dwight My hip bone!
16042 4 10 Branch Wars 2699 Michael We're wedged between the copier and the railing. Ah! Ow! Ow, my leg! Jim leave us.
16043 4 10 Branch Wars 2699 Dwight Don't leave us!
16044 4 10 Branch Wars 2699 Michael Save yourself!
16045 4 10 Branch Wars 2699 Dwight Don't leave us, help us, we need help Jim!
16046 4 10 Branch Wars 2699 Jim Okay! First of all, stop using my name. And second of all-
16047 4 10 Branch Wars 2699 Michael Dwight, you gotta move!
16048 4 10 Branch Wars 2699 Jim Damn it guys!
16049 4 10 Branch Wars 2699 Michael Dwight, could you move over a little bit.
16050 4 10 Branch Wars 2699 Dwight I'm losing control of my bladder.
16051 4 10 Branch Wars 2699 Jim Oh my God, oh my God, Karen is back!
16052 4 10 Branch Wars 2699 Dwight Did you say Karen?
16053 4 10 Branch Wars 2699 Michael Take her to a motel, make love to her Jim.
16054 4 10 Branch Wars 2699 Jim No, I'm not doing that.
16055 4 10 Branch Wars 2699 Michael Just say you wanna get back together.
16056 4 10 Branch Wars 2699 Jim No, I'm not doing that!
16057 4 10 Branch Wars 2699 Michael It doesn't have to mean anything. Just, do it for Stanley. Come on Jim, just climb on top of her and think about Stanley. Ah, Jim, if this is it for me, promise me something, host the Dundies.
16058 4 10 Branch Wars 2699 Karen Jim?
16059 4 10 Branch Wars 2699 Jim Hey Karen.
16060 4 10 Branch Wars 2700 Karen Uh, what are you doing here?
16061 4 10 Branch Wars 2700 Jim First of all, hi.
16062 4 10 Branch Wars 2700 Karen What are you doing here?
16063 4 10 Branch Wars 2700 Jim You good? I'm just checking on the other branches. Michael wants me to do that from time to time, so...
16064 4 10 Branch Wars 2700 Dwight Do not tell Karen about the industrial copier.
16065 4 10 Branch Wars 2700 Jim Copy that.
16066 4 10 Branch Wars 2701 Karen I cried for weeks over that guy, so yeah, seeing him climb out of a PT Cruiser in a ladies warehouse uniform, felt pretty good.
16067 4 10 Branch Wars 2702 Karen Let me ask you, did you accomplish what you wanted?
16068 4 10 Branch Wars 2702 Dwight Listen lady, you can expect these kind of repercussions as long as you keep trying to poach our people.
16069 4 10 Branch Wars 2702 Karen I'm taking Stanley.
16070 4 10 Branch Wars 2702 Dwight Then we will burn Utica to the ground.
16071 4 10 Branch Wars 2702 Michael Dwight. Granted, maybe this was not the best idea, but at least we care enough about our employees that we are willing to fight for them. And if you so much as harm a hair on Stanley's head, we will burn Utica to the ground.
16072 4 10 Branch Wars 2702 Karen Jim, hang on a second?
16073 4 10 Branch Wars 2702 Jim Yes?
16074 4 10 Branch Wars 2702 Karen So you're still doing this kind of stuff, huh?
16075 4 10 Branch Wars 2702 Jim Yeah, trying to quit though.
16076 4 10 Branch Wars 2702 Karen If you wanted to see me, you could have just called me like an adult.
16077 4 10 Branch Wars 2702 Jim Oh no, I didn't want to see you. Not that I'm not happy seeing you, right now, I'm just saying ultimately I was here for the copier. Equal, I'd say it was equal. So, good to see you...
16078 4 10 Branch Wars 2702 Jim I mean, it's just that- You know, Pam and I are still dating, so, and, I just mean that things are going really well, so I didn't want to see... you...
16079 4 10 Branch Wars 2702 Karen Oh, things are going really well? Are they? They are? That's great, that's so great. I wanna hear more about how happy you are with Pam. Can you tell me more about that? Thank you so much for coming to Utica, and breaking my copier, and telling me how well things are going in your relationship, really, thank you.
16080 4 10 Branch Wars 2702 Jim Alright, you are welcome. I'm going to go because of, um, traffic.
16081 4 10 Branch Wars 2702 Karen Traffic, yeah. Oh, def- go, go because of traffic, definitely, beat-beat the traffic, mm-hmm.
16082 4 10 Branch Wars 2702 Jim I... will...
16083 4 10 Branch Wars 2703 Michael We tried and we failed. Stanley, you may go. Here is a box, for your things, but I doubt that that box will be able to contain all the memories that you have of this place. Fly away sweet little bird, fly away and be free. Pam, I'm gonna need some help writing a want ad.
16084 4 10 Branch Wars 2704 Michael Um, wanted: middle aged black man with sass. Big butt, bigger heart. I can't do this.
16085 4 10 Branch Wars 2704 Stanley Michael? A word?
16086 4 10 Branch Wars 2704 Michael Of course.
16087 4 10 Branch Wars 2704 Stanley I changed my mind, I wanna keep this job.
16088 4 10 Branch Wars 2704 Michael Really?
16089 4 10 Branch Wars 2705 Stanley I wasn't really planning on leaving, all I wanted was a raise. How on Earth did Michael call my bluff? Is he some sort of secret genius? Sometimes I say crazy things.
16090 4 10 Branch Wars 2706 Jim Hey.
16091 4 10 Branch Wars 2706 Pam I'm so sorry, Rolando told me everything. How humiliating. Would it help you to return to another age? A time of refinement, and civility.
16092 4 10 Branch Wars 2706 Jim Are you inviting me to the Finer Things Club?
16093 4 10 Branch Wars 2706 Andy Oh-oh, come on!
16094 4 10 Branch Wars 2707 Jim Angela's Ashes, top o' the morning to us. Frankie's prose is funnier than a pot of gold, say I.
16095 4 10 Branch Wars 2707 Oscar Okay, did you get it out of your system.
16096 4 10 Branch Wars 2707 Jim Yep. No, I mean I really liked it. I thought was uh, a fun read.
16097 4 10 Branch Wars 2707 Toby Fun?
16098 4 10 Branch Wars 2707 Jim Mm-hmm.
16099 4 10 Branch Wars 2707 Toby Really?
16100 4 10 Branch Wars 2707 Jim Yeah.
16101 4 10 Branch Wars 2707 Toby What was fun about it for you? Was it the death of the twins?
16102 4 10 Branch Wars 2707 Jim No, that wasn't fun.
16103 4 10 Branch Wars 2707 Toby Did you even read it?
16104 4 10 Branch Wars 2707 Jim Of course I read it.
16105 4 10 Branch Wars 2707 Oscar How does it end?
16106 4 10 Branch Wars 2707 Toby Who was the main character?
16107 4 10 Branch Wars 2707 Jim Angela. Nope. The ashes.
16108 4 11 Survivor Man 2708 Toby I really didn't think I was going to have a good time, but I did. Totally did.
16109 4 11 Survivor Man 2708 Meredith I love camping. Anything can happen.
16110 4 11 Survivor Man 2708 Toby Oh, it wasn't camping, it was more of a wilderness retreat.
16111 4 11 Survivor Man 2708 Michael Morning.
16112 4 11 Survivor Man 2708 Toby Michael.
16113 4 11 Survivor Man 2709 Pam Ryan invited some of the branch managers and Toby into the woods for a "get to know you" weekend. Michael wasn't invited. Apparently they already knew everything they needed to know about him.
16114 4 11 Survivor Man 2710 Pam Did you sleep in cabins?
16115 4 11 Survivor Man 2710 Toby Under the stars. It was really beautiful, you should come.
16116 4 11 Survivor Man 2710 Phyllis Bob and I took rock climbing lessons once.
16117 4 11 Survivor Man 2711 Phyllis Michael wasn't invited on Ryan's camping trip. Toby went, but Michael didn't go. He wasn't invited.
16118 4 11 Survivor Man 2712 Pam Who went?
16119 4 11 Survivor Man 2712 Toby Me, Dan from Buffalo, Mark Chisholm, Jeff from Albany and Ryan, obviously. Made so many s'mores, that I finally had to say, "No more s'mores, no more s'mores."
16120 4 11 Survivor Man 2713 Toby Ryan invited me to go on his wilderness adventure retreat. It was this amazing, beautiful experience
16121 4 11 Survivor Man 2713 Michael Hey, nobody cares. Nobody cares. I need that room at some point, so just, wrap it up.
16122 4 11 Survivor Man 2713 Toby Michael wasn't invited.
16123 4 11 Survivor Man 2714 Michael Hypothetically, if I were to ask you to go camping, and you know what hypothetical means? Not real.
16124 4 11 Survivor Man 2714 Jim Got it.
16125 4 11 Survivor Man 2714 Michael So if I were to hypothetically ask you to go camping with me, would you go?
16126 4 11 Survivor Man 2714 Jim Absolutely, yes.
16127 4 11 Survivor Man 2715 Jim When Michael plays the hypothetical game, I always say yes.
16128 4 11 Survivor Man 2716 Michael Really?
16129 4 11 Survivor Man 2716 Jim Yeah?
16130 4 11 Survivor Man 2716 Michael Oh, you wanna go today?
16131 4 11 Survivor Man 2717 Jim And I am always busy.
16132 4 11 Survivor Man 2718 Jim Oh, can't go today, 'cause I'm donating blood.
16133 4 11 Survivor Man 2718 Michael How often can you actually donate blood?
16134 4 11 Survivor Man 2718 Jim Is there a limit?
16135 4 11 Survivor Man 2718 Michael Your body only has a certain amount.
16136 4 11 Survivor Man 2718 Jim Well, is that it? Or?
16137 4 11 Survivor Man 2718 Michael Yeah, just this whole Toby, camping thing, uh, seems a little lame.
16138 4 11 Survivor Man 2718 Jim How so?
16139 4 11 Survivor Man 2718 Michael A bunch of guys, in a tent? Making s'mores?
16140 4 11 Survivor Man 2718 Jim What's that?
16141 4 11 Survivor Man 2718 Michael Hello, I'm Broken Mountain. You know, here's the thing. That's not how you go camping. I think you go camping by yourself---
16142 4 11 Survivor Man 2718 Jim Right.
16143 4 11 Survivor Man 2718 Michael In the wilderness. It's not with a group of guys frolicking around in tents. It's one guy, or two guys, if your plans change.
16144 4 11 Survivor Man 2718 Jim Not gonna change.
16145 4 11 Survivor Man 2718 Michael I wanna do it myself. You know, I want to go and, and find out something about myself, I wanna get outta here. All the cliques, and the office politics. Fluorescent lights. Asbestos.
16146 4 11 Survivor Man 2718 Jim I thought we had that looked at.
16147 4 11 Survivor Man 2718 Michael I'm sick of it Jim. I'm sick of this place.
16148 4 11 Survivor Man 2719 Michael When Jan and I had satellite, we used to watch a reality show called "Survivorman." And, it was interesting because it was about a guy who would go out in the middle of no where and just try not to die, try not to get eaten by an animal, or be overexposed.
16149 4 11 Survivor Man 2720 Michael OK, I will only need two things. Roll of duct tape and a knife.
16150 4 11 Survivor Man 2720 Dwight I'm on it.
16151 4 11 Survivor Man 2720 Michael OK. Thirty minutes or less, please come back. Save the receipts. Hey, what...
16152 4 11 Survivor Man 2720 Dwight Let's see if any of these will work.
16153 4 11 Survivor Man 2720 Michael Hey, hey hey! Dwight. . Dwight.
16154 4 11 Survivor Man 2721 Dwight I keep various weaponries strategically placed around the office. I saved Jim's life with a can of pepper spray I had velcroed under my desk. People say, "Oh, it's dangerous to keep weapons in the home or the work place." Well I say, "It's better to be hurt by someone you know accidentally, than by a stranger on purpose."
16155 4 11 Survivor Man 2722 Michael Dwight and I are going out. He will return later, but I will not. I will also be taking a personal day tomorrow, and perhaps the next day.
16156 4 11 Survivor Man 2722 Pam Do you want me to ask where you're going?
16157 4 11 Survivor Man 2722 Michael No.
16158 4 11 Survivor Man 2722 Pam Great.
16159 4 11 Survivor Man 2722 Michael Dwight will be driving me deep into the Pennsylvania wilderness.
16160 4 11 Survivor Man 2722 Pam Oh.
16161 4 11 Survivor Man 2722 Michael Where he will then leave me to either die or to survive. The choice is yours.
16162 4 11 Survivor Man 2722 Jim Hmm, no, the choice is actually yours. Are you sure you want to do this?
16163 4 11 Survivor Man 2722 Michael Yes, and I am leaving you in charge of the office for the rest of the day and for the next several days. Do not try to follow me.
16164 4 11 Survivor Man 2722 Jim OK, great.
16165 4 11 Survivor Man 2722 Michael This is a very personal, private experience in the wild, that I wish to share it with me, myself and I.
16166 4 11 Survivor Man 2722 Jim Yup.
16167 4 11 Survivor Man 2722 Michael When I return, I hope to be a completely changed human being.
16168 4 11 Survivor Man 2722 Jim That'd be great.
16169 4 11 Survivor Man 2723 Dwight Do I believe that Michael possesses the skills to survive in a hostile environment? Let's put it this way: no, I do not.
16170 4 11 Survivor Man 2724 Michael This is what a true survivor man does. You simulate a disaster, like a plane wreck. You could only wear the clothes that you have on, and you could only use the stuff you have in your pockets. Now, in this case, this disaster is a serial killer. Creepy guy who's abducted me and is taking me out into the wilderness to leave me for dead.
16171 4 11 Survivor Man 2724 Dwight No, I would never leave you for dead. You would never escape.
16172 4 11 Survivor Man 2724 Michael Well, yes I would. And I would survive.
16173 4 11 Survivor Man 2724 Dwight I would make sure that you were dead.
16174 4 11 Survivor Man 2724 Michael Well...
16175 4 11 Survivor Man 2724 Dwight First, I would remove your teeth and cut off your fingertips so you could not be identified.
16176 4 11 Survivor Man 2724 Michael You...
16177 4 11 Survivor Man 2724 Dwight And they would call me the Overkill Killer.
16178 4 11 Survivor Man 2724 Michael You... you are as creepy as a real serial killer. For real. OK.
16179 4 11 Survivor Man 2724 Dwight What are you doing?
16180 4 11 Survivor Man 2724 Michael I am putting this on so I have no familiarity with my surroundings. Now this way, I can't retrace my steps. I don't know what streets we've been--- Ow! What are you doing?
16181 4 11 Survivor Man 2724 Dwight It would be better if you were unconscious.
16182 4 11 Survivor Man 2724 Michael No! Gosh! Dwight. Stop it, stop it! Stop it.
16183 4 11 Survivor Man 2724 Dwight Do you want to do this right or not?
16184 4 11 Survivor Man 2724 Michael Just, please allow me to have one cathartic experience in my life?
16185 4 11 Survivor Man 2725 Angela Jim, we need to order a cake for Creed's birthday.
16186 4 11 Survivor Man 2725 Jim Oh, wasn't it just someone's birthday?
16187 4 11 Survivor Man 2725 Angela Yes. Kelly's was last week, remember?
16188 4 11 Survivor Man 2725 Jim I do remember, yeah.
16189 4 11 Survivor Man 2725 Angela It's birthday month. Creed's is today. Oscar's is week after next. Meredith's is at the end of the month. Michael usually goes with red and white streamers...
16190 4 11 Survivor Man 2725 Jim You know what, I have an idea. Why don't we just do one big shared party?
16191 4 11 Survivor Man 2725 Angela What?
16192 4 11 Survivor Man 2726 Jim There are thirteen people working in this office, so thirteen times a year Michael gets a cake and balloons, and some sort of joke gift and makes a toast. There are two types of toasts. One is a joke about how old you are.
16193 4 11 Survivor Man 2727 Michael Look at those wrinkles. Blacks do crack! Not crack the drug.
16194 4 11 Survivor Man 2728 Jim And the other is something inappropriate. Or horrible. Or both. What else? He only sings the high harmony to "Happy Birthday." And he's a very big believer in surprise parties. Maybe even, arguably, possibly to a fault.
16195 4 11 Survivor Man 2729 Michael Happy Birthday!
16196 4 11 Survivor Man 2729 Kelly Ahhh!!
16197 4 11 Survivor Man 2730 Michael Happy Birthday!
16198 4 11 Survivor Man 2730 Oscar Ahhh!
16199 4 11 Survivor Man 2731 Michael Happy Birthday!
16200 4 11 Survivor Man 2731 Phyllis Oh!
16201 4 11 Survivor Man 2732 Jim So... I think, yeah, I think getting these out of the way might be productive.
16202 4 11 Survivor Man 2733 Jim We can just have one big fun party. Everybody's happy, nobody wastes their time.
16203 4 11 Survivor Man 2733 Angela I don't like it.
16204 4 11 Survivor Man 2733 Pam Wow! You're shaking things up a bit, huh?
16205 4 11 Survivor Man 2733 Jim It's a pretty good idea, don't you think?
16206 4 11 Survivor Man 2733 Pam Do you think it's a good idea?
16207 4 11 Survivor Man 2733 Jim No... I think it's a great idea.
16208 4 11 Survivor Man 2733 Pam Hmm.
16209 4 11 Survivor Man 2734 Dwight We're here.
16210 4 11 Survivor Man 2734 Michael Dwight will take my blindfold off when we are deep in the forest. Just the two of us from this point out.
16211 4 11 Survivor Man 2734 Dwight Here we go. Just the two of us
16212 4 11 Survivor Man 2735 Dwight Here we go, into the wild. Mighty forest. Can you smell the trees and the nature?
16213 4 11 Survivor Man 2736 Dwight Keep going, you're fine. Just some bushes and some thickets Keep going. You wanted wilderness, you got it.
16214 4 11 Survivor Man 2737 Jim You know, try sending them another invoice.
16215 4 11 Survivor Man 2737 Oscar Ok.
16216 4 11 Survivor Man 2737 Jim Alright. Oh, did you see my memo by the way?
16217 4 11 Survivor Man 2737 Oscar "Let's be honest, as fun as birthdays are we could all use a break from the constant cake, so let's celebrate birthday month in style today." This is really cool.
16218 4 11 Survivor Man 2737 Jim Right? I was just thinking...
16219 4 11 Survivor Man 2737 Oscar No, totally, totally. This way we get it all out of the way at once and it could actually be fun.
16220 4 11 Survivor Man 2737 Jim Right! Exactly. Knew I could count on you.
16221 4 11 Survivor Man 2738 Dwight Good a spot as any.
16222 4 11 Survivor Man 2738 Michael What are you doing? Stop. Dwight, Dwight. Just --
16223 4 11 Survivor Man 2738 Dwight I'm just --
16224 4 11 Survivor Man 2738 Michael Stop.
16225 4 11 Survivor Man 2738 Dwight Spin. I'm trying to confuse your sense of direction. Behold.
16226 4 11 Survivor Man 2738 Michael Alright, good. Thank you, Dwight.
16227 4 11 Survivor Man 2738 Dwight Here's your knife. Here's your duct tape.
16228 4 11 Survivor Man 2738 Michael Alright, very good. Ahh, OK.
16229 4 11 Survivor Man 2738 Dwight Good luck, Michael.
16230 4 11 Survivor Man 2738 Michael Thanks for the ride. OK. Leave me be, Dwight.
16231 4 11 Survivor Man 2739 Meredith Hey, Jim, can I have my own cake?
16232 4 11 Survivor Man 2739 Jim What's that?
16233 4 11 Survivor Man 2739 Meredith I really prefer devils food cake.
16234 4 11 Survivor Man 2739 Jim Oh, sure.
16235 4 11 Survivor Man 2739 Meredith Yes!
16236 4 11 Survivor Man 2739 Jim OK.
16237 4 11 Survivor Man 2739 Pam Wow! That was easy.
16238 4 11 Survivor Man 2739 Jim Yeah, people like me I guess.
16239 4 11 Survivor Man 2739 Creed Jim.
16240 4 11 Survivor Man 2740 Creed I hate devils food.
16241 4 11 Survivor Man 2740 Jim Well I think Meredith was just --
16242 4 11 Survivor Man 2740 Creed Screw Meredith, I don't think it's fair to let someone else pick the cake on my birthday.
16243 4 11 Survivor Man 2740 Jim Everybody's birthday.
16244 4 11 Survivor Man 2740 Creed Today is actually my birthday and I want to pick the cake.
16245 4 11 Survivor Man 2740 Jim What do you want?
16246 4 11 Survivor Man 2740 Creed I want pie. I want peach pie.
16247 4 11 Survivor Man 2740 Jim You want a birthday pie?
16248 4 11 Survivor Man 2740 Creed I want a nice cobbler.
16249 4 11 Survivor Man 2740 Jim Well, I'm gonna to talk to Angela and we're gonna see what we can do about a pie.
16250 4 11 Survivor Man 2740 Creed I don't care who you talk to. Just make it happen.
16251 4 11 Survivor Man 2740 Jim It will be Angela.
16252 4 11 Survivor Man 2740 Creed You tell her it's for Creed. She'll know what that means.
16253 4 11 Survivor Man 2741 Michael Day One. I'm in the interior of the vast Pennsylvania wilderness. I've brought with me only the bare essentials. A knife, roll of duct tape, in case I need to craft some shelter or make some sort of water vessel. It's hot today. The sun is in the two-thirds easterly quadrant, which would make it about 2 o'clock in the afternoon. It's really beating down on me now. I think that I want to get a little more comfortable because the sun is depleting my resources. OK. OH, there we go. Watch that I don't hit my corroded artery here...
16254 4 11 Survivor Man 2742 Dwight I lied to Michael. I said that I would leave him alone, but I will not. I will remain close by to provide unseen moral support, but I will never help him. I will let harm befall him. I will even let him die. But I will never let him lose his dignity.
16255 4 11 Survivor Man 2743 Michael There we go. Much better. Now everything I brought with me can be used. My sport coat here, can be fashioned into a backpack of sorts .
16256 4 11 Survivor Man 2744 Michael I'm going to wear what was once one of my pant legs.
16257 4 11 Survivor Man 2745 Michael See, this is a beautiful piece of material This could be used for all sorts of things.
16258 4 11 Survivor Man 2746 Michael Some sort of kerchief to keep my neck nice and comfortable.
16259 4 11 Survivor Man 2747 Andy Tuna.
16260 4 11 Survivor Man 2747 Jim Andy.
16261 4 11 Survivor Man 2747 Andy Me likey the ice cream cake, okay? Fudgie the Whale.
16262 4 11 Survivor Man 2747 Jim Not your birthday.
16263 4 11 Survivor Man 2747 Andy Well, I'm just saying, you know, if you want to make people happy, namely me, you will have a Fudgie the Whale.
16264 4 11 Survivor Man 2747 Jim Alright, I'll look into it, but the answer's no.
16265 4 11 Survivor Man 2747 Andy Wow, OK, harsh. Just don't expect me to show up.
16266 4 11 Survivor Man 2747 Jim Hey, Andy, I have some calls to make.
16267 4 11 Survivor Man 2747 Andy Loud and clear.
16268 4 11 Survivor Man 2747 Jim Alright.
16269 4 11 Survivor Man 2747 Andy Pizza rolls.
16270 4 11 Survivor Man 2747 Jim OK, I'm gonna go into this office here to do some work. So I will be in here.
16271 4 11 Survivor Man 2747 Andy Mushroom caps.
16272 4 11 Survivor Man 2748 Michael I am totally alone right now, with only my thoughts. I love it. I'm loving it. I can literally say anything I want. No one is gonna here me. Wish I could have gone with Ryan on that cool retreat! Jan has plastic boobs! I HAVE HEMORRHOIDS! Doesn't even matter.
16273 4 11 Survivor Man 2749 Dwight Michael is a man of great depth and passion. I don't know what he's searching for out here. I hope he finds it. Lunch.
16274 4 11 Survivor Man 2750 Michael Well it is a little chillier than I had thought, so I have fashioned my hat back into my pants. Several hours in, time for me to find some nourishment. Now, these woods are full of creatures that can sustain human life. Things like, uh, squirrels, nice juicy rabbit would be delicious.
16275 4 11 Survivor Man 2751 Dwight About two more minutes .
16276 4 11 Survivor Man 2752 Michael I have made this spear, with which I will impale my dinner. And it couldn't come a moment too soon because I have been without food for a good three hours or so. I'm startin' to feel it a little bit. Ohh... It's Creed's birthday. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to Creed. Happy Birthday to you. Happy birthday, buddy.
16277 4 11 Survivor Man 2753 Meredith What is Jim thinking? It's a birthday, so what if there's a lot of them?
16278 4 11 Survivor Man 2753 Kevin Yeah, I work hard all day. I like knowing that there's going to be a break. Most days I just sit and wait for the break.
16279 4 11 Survivor Man 2753 Stanley I took an extra shot of insulin in preparation for this cake today. If I don't have some cake soon, I might die.
16280 4 11 Survivor Man 2753 Oscar Why don't you just have an apple?
16281 4 11 Survivor Man 2753 Stanley Why don't you mind your business?
16282 4 11 Survivor Man 2753 Creed Listen, I figured this out. Jimmy had his birthday three weeks ago, so he doesn't care.
16283 4 11 Survivor Man 2753 Oscar Probably went to his head.
16284 4 11 Survivor Man 2753 Creed Yeah.
16285 4 11 Survivor Man 2753 Oscar Hey, Jim.
16286 4 11 Survivor Man 2753 Jim Hey guys, what're we talking about?
16287 4 11 Survivor Man 2753 Creed Nothing! Nothing going on. We're talking about nothing. C'mon gang.
16288 4 11 Survivor Man 2754 Michael Well if you take a look at this, I tented my pants. I've made myself a nice pants tent shelter. And this little guy may be Dunder Mifflin paper some day.
16289 4 11 Survivor Man 2755 Dwight Nothing to worry about. Just using the scope. Safety is... on.
16290 4 11 Survivor Man 2756 Toby Hey Jim.
16291 4 11 Survivor Man 2756 Jim Toby.
16292 4 11 Survivor Man 2756 Toby Hey, I just got the word on the communal birthdays. Great idea.
16293 4 11 Survivor Man 2756 Jim Oh, thanks man.
16294 4 11 Survivor Man 2756 Toby Yeah...
16295 4 11 Survivor Man 2756 Jim Is there anything --
16296 4 11 Survivor Man 2756 Toby My birthday was two months ago.
16297 4 11 Survivor Man 2756 Jim Oh, OK.
16298 4 11 Survivor Man 2756 Toby There was no party.
16299 4 11 Survivor Man 2756 Jim What?
16300 4 11 Survivor Man 2756 Toby Well, it... there was. But Michael scheduled it for 4:58 on a Friday. You know, people sang in the parking lot.
16301 4 11 Survivor Man 2756 Jim I remember that.
16302 4 11 Survivor Man 2756 Toby I don't know, I just thought you could include me.
16303 4 11 Survivor Man 2756 Jim Seriously?
16304 4 11 Survivor Man 2756 Toby I just though you could add me. I don't see the harm in that.
16305 4 11 Survivor Man 2757 Jim Toby's great. He's great, but sometimes he can be a little bit much. I don't see the harm in that. Well, it's a cake Toby, so, c'mon.
16306 4 11 Survivor Man 2758 Jim OK. Yeah, you know what, we're just gonna throw you in. Because more the merrier, right?
16307 4 11 Survivor Man 2758 Angela No. No way. I am not a machine, Jim. You can't just change plans willy nilly and expect these little magic party elves to do your bidding. We already have devils food, peach cobbler, Fudgie the Whale, mushroom caps.
16308 4 11 Survivor Man 2758 Toby I'm allergic to mushrooms.
16309 4 11 Survivor Man 2758 Jim That's a bummer. OK, then we need to... Hey everybody. Hi, how you doing? Can I have your attention please? 'Cause we have to talk about this birthday thing.
16310 4 11 Survivor Man 2758 Pam Conference room?
16311 4 11 Survivor Man 2758 Jim Yes, conference room in five minutes... No. No. We're gonna solve it right here. We're actually gonna talk about it out here. So, who has problems with the birthday thing? One, two, three, everybody. OK, so then we just shouldn't do it.
16312 4 11 Survivor Man 2758 Angela What am I supposed to do with two cakes and a pie?'
16313 4 11 Survivor Man 2758 Kevin Oh, I'll take 'em.
16314 4 11 Survivor Man 2758 Creed Well nobody's touching my cobbler.
16315 4 11 Survivor Man 2758 Phyllis Hey, Michael. I mean Jim.
16316 4 11 Survivor Man 2759 Jim Yup, Phyllis called me Michael. And I will always and forever be haunted by that fact.
16317 4 11 Survivor Man 2760 Michael Under this tree, I think I struck the mother load. Those are nature's best mushrooms. Wild, and I have to say these little buggers are damn tasty as well.
16318 4 11 Survivor Man 2760 Dwight Stop! No, no Michael! Nooo! Nooo! Nooo! Arghh. Get, get them out.
16319 4 11 Survivor Man 2761 Everybody Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday to Creed. Happy Birthday to you.
16320 4 11 Survivor Man 2761 Michael Yeah! Alright, skip around the room. Skip around the room. We want -- OK, alright. Yeah, don't do that. You're gonna break something.
16321 4 11 Survivor Man 2762 Michael Man became civilized for a reason. He decided that he liked to have warmth, and clothing, and television, and hamburgers, and to walk upright, and to have a soft futon at the end of the day. He didn't want to have to struggle to survive. I don't need the woods. I have a nice wood desk. I don't need fresh air, because I have the freshest air around, A.C. And I don't need wide open spaces. Check it out. I can also make it the sky.
16322 4 11 Survivor Man 2763 Michael Hey, buddy.
16323 4 11 Survivor Man 2763 Jim Hey.
16324 4 11 Survivor Man 2763 Michael What up?
16325 4 11 Survivor Man 2763 Jim Sure glad you're back.
16326 4 11 Survivor Man 2763 Michael You are relieved.
16327 4 11 Survivor Man 2763 Jim You have no idea.
16328 4 11 Survivor Man 2763 Michael So what did I miss?
16329 4 11 Survivor Man 2763 Jim Well, I tried to put all the birthdays together at once.
16330 4 11 Survivor Man 2763 Michael Oh.
16331 4 11 Survivor Man 2763 Jim So, terrible idea.
16332 4 11 Survivor Man 2763 Michael Yeah, okay, I did that. Rookie mistake.
16333 4 11 Survivor Man 2763 Jim You did do it?
16334 4 11 Survivor Man 2763 Michael Uh huh. Yeah, just wait. Ten years, you'll figure it out.
16335 4 11 Survivor Man 2763 Jim Well, I don't think I'll be here in ten years.
16336 4 11 Survivor Man 2763 Michael That's what I said. That's what she said.
16337 4 11 Survivor Man 2763 Jim That's what who said?
16338 4 11 Survivor Man 2763 Michael I never know. I just say it. I say stuff like that, you know, to lighten the tension. When things sort of get hard.
16339 4 11 Survivor Man 2763 Jim That's what she said.
16340 4 11 Survivor Man 2763 Michael Hey! Nice. Really good. Bravo, my young ward.
16341 4 12 The Deposition 2764 Oscar So the figures show improvement right there, Michael. And again-
16342 4 12 The Deposition 2764 Michael I'll call back.
16343 4 12 The Deposition 2764 Kevin You never call back.
16344 4 12 The Deposition 2765 Pam Every time Michael's in a meeting, he makes me come in and give him a Post-It note telling him who's on the phone. I did it once, and he freaked out. He loved it so much. The thing is he doesn't get that many calls. So he has me make them up every 10 minutes.
16345 4 12 The Deposition 2766 Michael Yeah, um, tell him I'll call him back.
16346 4 12 The Deposition 2767 Michael You can't always work 200 days though.
16347 4 12 The Deposition 2767 Michael Oh, no, no, no, I don't have time for this. Tell him I'm in a meeting.
16348 4 12 The Deposition 2768 Ryan You have to know how to work this. There's no excuse for this.
16349 4 12 The Deposition 2768 Michael Yep.
16350 4 12 The Deposition 2768 Ryan I can get you a tutor if you need-
16351 4 12 The Deposition 2768 Michael Oh. Ah, this is a very important client. But, I have the most important client sitting right in front of me, my boss, so I will call him later.
16352 4 12 The Deposition 2768 Ryan Oh, no, no, no, customer service is obviously priority one. You can take the call.
16353 4 12 The Deposition 2768 Michael N-No, money isn't everything Ryan. And you're my friend, and I don't want to be rude.
16354 4 12 The Deposition 2768 Ryan Take the call, friend.
16355 4 12 The Deposition 2768 Michael I refuse. My house, my rules, I insist.
16356 4 12 The Deposition 2768 Ryan I insist you take your work calls.
16357 4 12 The Deposition 2768 Michael Uh, okay, all right. Pam, would you put the call through? Hi buddy.
16358 4 12 The Deposition 2769 Jan I don't know, it's just, ugh, I never felt welcomed there, you know? It's such a...boys club.
16359 4 12 The Deposition 2769 Michael Yeah, I hate that.
16360 4 12 The Deposition 2769 Jan Good.
16361 4 12 The Deposition 2769 Michael So, here's the deal. Um, I am on my way to New York to be deposed as part of Jan's wrongful termination law suit. The company fired her for having the courage to augment her boobs.
16362 4 12 The Deposition 2769 Jan And they displayed a pattern of disrespect and inappropriate behavior.
16363 4 12 The Deposition 2769 Michael Yes, yes. Pat-tern. Patt-ern. My friend Pat took a turn. That's how I remember that. Could we pull over and put down the top? I'm feeling a little queasy.
16364 4 12 The Deposition 2769 Jan Um, no, I want it up. My hair.
16365 4 12 The Deposition 2769 Michael Well-
16366 4 12 The Deposition 2769 Jan Remember, it isn't just a pattern, It's a pattern of disrespect, and inappropriate behavior.
16367 4 12 The Deposition 2769 Michael Disray .My friend Disray got news specs. Disray spect. My friend Inappro drives a Prius with his behind neighbor.
16368 4 12 The Deposition 2769 Jan Does this work for you?
16369 4 12 The Deposition 2769 Michael Yep. Tell them how much you're gonna get if you win.
16370 4 12 The Deposition 2769 Jan Uh, come on Micheal, that's tacky.
16371 4 12 The Deposition 2769 Michael Million dollars!
16372 4 12 The Deposition 2769 Jan Four million.
16373 4 12 The Deposition 2769 Michael Four million dollars! Man that is a lot of guacamole. A lot of the green. Lot of green. That is why I have memorized Jan's answers, and I have also thrown in some errs, and ahhs, to make it seem like it's not memorized.
16374 4 12 The Deposition 2769 Jan No, Michael. Oh, come on.
16375 4 12 The Deposition 2769 Michael Perfect crime.
16376 4 12 The Deposition 2769 Jan Stop saying ridiculous things. He's just gonna tell the truth, the truth is-is very...you know, complicated, so we went over it carefully, and-and just so we wouldn't leave anything up to chance or Michael's judgment.
16377 4 12 The Deposition 2769 Michael Could we please pull over and pull down the top, I do not feel good.
16378 4 12 The Deposition 2769 Jan Michael, I told you, I am not putting the top down.
16379 4 12 The Deposition 2769 Michael I'm getting car sick! Ugh, I'm gonna puke. I think I'm gonna throw up.
16380 4 12 The Deposition 2769 Jan All right, fine, just a second. Hold on.
16381 4 12 The Deposition 2770 Michael Hey, Schneider, real quick. What do you call a butt load of lawyers driving off a cliff?
16382 4 12 The Deposition 2770 Lester A good start. And I think it's busload.
16383 4 12 The Deposition 2770 Michael Yeah, a bunch of rich lawyers took the bus. Where did you find this guy? Hey, there he is.
16384 4 12 The Deposition 2770 Ryan Hey Michael.
16385 4 12 The Deposition 2770 Michael Hey hey.
16386 4 12 The Deposition 2770 Ryan I'm glad you're here. I actually need to talk to you for a second.
16387 4 12 The Deposition 2771 Ryan Could we talk off the record? As friends?
16388 4 12 The Deposition 2771 Michael I would love that.
16389 4 12 The Deposition 2771 Ryan Jan... has put the company in a very tough position here. Now you've been with us for a long time. Over 10 years, right? We just want to be sure that you won't do anything to hurt us with your testimony. Do you understand?
16390 4 12 The Deposition 2771 Michael Abso-fruitley. Yeah. I'll-I'll do anything for the company.
16391 4 12 The Deposition 2771 Ryan Good. That is great to hear.
16392 4 12 The Deposition 2771 Michael It is.
16393 4 12 The Deposition 2772 Darryl Game, son!
16394 4 12 The Deposition 2772 Jim All right, let's run it back.
16395 4 12 The Deposition 2773 Pam The warehouse got a ping pong table last week. Now Jim comes down and plays with Darryl. Sometimes I bring him juice. My boyfriend is 12.
16396 4 12 The Deposition 2774 Kelly What has two skinny chicken legs and sucks at ping pong?
16397 4 12 The Deposition 2774 Pam Hi, Kelly.
16398 4 12 The Deposition 2774 Kelly Guess whose boyfriend it is?
16399 4 12 The Deposition 2774 Pam I don't wanna guess.
16400 4 12 The Deposition 2774 Kelly I'll give you a hint: It's not my boyfriend. I think it's a guy over here .
16401 4 12 The Deposition 2775 Kelly I don't talk trash, I talk smack. They're totally different. Trash talk is hypothetical, like: Your mom is so fat she can eat the internet. But smack talk is happening like right now. Like: You're ugly and I know it for a fact so I got the evidence right there.
16402 4 12 The Deposition 2776 Pam Jim. Can I see you for a second?
16403 4 12 The Deposition 2776 Jim Sure.
16404 4 12 The Deposition 2777 Jim Wow.
16405 4 12 The Deposition 2777 Pam Okay, it's not regulation size, but it'll do. You have to practice. You have to get real good and beat Darryl.
16406 4 12 The Deposition 2777 Jim Oh, I can't beat Darryl.
16407 4 12 The Deposition 2777 Pam Please? Kelly's trash talking me because Darryl is beating you.
16408 4 12 The Deposition 2777 Jim What, seriously? What is she saying?
16409 4 12 The Deposition 2778 Kelly Your boyfriend is so weak, he needs steroids just to watch baseball.
16410 4 12 The Deposition 2779 Kelly Jim couldn't hit a ping pong ball if it was the size of the moon.
16411 4 12 The Deposition 2780 Kelly Were Jim's parents first cousins that were also bad at ping pong?
16412 4 12 The Deposition 2781 Jim So you're asking me to defend your honor against Kelly?
16413 4 12 The Deposition 2781 Pam Sorta, yes.
16414 4 12 The Deposition 2781 Jim Bring me players.
16415 4 12 The Deposition 2781 Pam Okay.
16416 4 12 The Deposition 2782 Diane Kelly Hi everyone, I'm Diane Kelly. I'm the company's chief legal counsel.
16417 4 12 The Deposition 2782 Michael Hi. No, no, absolutely not. What is he doing here?
16418 4 12 The Deposition 2782 Diane Toby?
16419 4 12 The Deposition 2782 Michael Are you renewing your divorce vows, before my deposition?
16420 4 12 The Deposition 2782 Toby Michael, I'm your HR Rep. I'm on your side.
16421 4 12 The Deposition 2782 Michael Never. I want him gone. I don't talk until he leaves.
16422 4 12 The Deposition 2782 Jan Michael, just relax, okay?
16423 4 12 The Deposition 2782 Diane You know, I think they're, uh ready for us now. So..
16424 4 12 The Deposition 2782 Michael Okay. All right.
16425 4 12 The Deposition 2783 Deposition Reporter Mr. Scott. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?
16426 4 12 The Deposition 2783 Michael Yessh.
16427 4 12 The Deposition 2783 Lester Mr. Scott, can you describe the circumstances of Ms. Levinson's termination?
16428 4 12 The Deposition 2783 Michael Well, it was not just termination. It was a pattern of disrespect and inappropriate behavior.
16429 4 12 The Deposition 2783 Lester Oh. Very good. Well put.
16430 4 12 The Deposition 2784 Jan People underestimate Michael. There are plenty of things that he is well above average at. Like ice skating. He is a very good ice skater.
16431 4 12 The Deposition 2785 Pam Hey, Kevin. Jim needs to see you.
16432 4 12 The Deposition 2785 Kevin About what?
16433 4 12 The Deposition 2785 Pam He needs help balancing some travel receipts.
16434 4 12 The Deposition 2785 Kevin Are you sure he wants me? Because I have Oscar balance my travel receipts.
16435 4 12 The Deposition 2785 Pam Yeah, no, he asked for you specifically. He's in the conference room.
16436 4 12 The Deposition 2785 Kevin Oh, awesome!
16437 4 12 The Deposition 2786 Lester How long have you known the plaintiff?
16438 4 12 The Deposition 2786 Michael I haven't actually seen it. But I have seen the firm, and I am planning on renting The Pelican Brief
16439 4 12 The Deposition 2786 Lester How long have you known Ms. Levinson?
16440 4 12 The Deposition 2786 Michael Six years and two months.
16441 4 12 The Deposition 2786 Lester And you were directly under her the entire time?
16442 4 12 The Deposition 2786 Michael That's what she said.
16443 4 12 The Deposition 2786 Lester Excuse me?
16444 4 12 The Deposition 2786 Michael That's what she said.
16445 4 12 The Deposition 2786 Lester Ms. Levinson told you she was your direct superior?
16446 4 12 The Deposition 2786 Michael Uh, wh-why would she say that?
16447 4 12 The Deposition 2786 Jan Can we just move on to another question?
16448 4 12 The Deposition 2786 Diane No wait, I don't understand. Who's on record on saying this?
16449 4 12 The Deposition 2786 Lester With all due respect, I'm in the middle of a line of questioning. Now Mr. Scott, what did you say Ms. Levinson said? Regarding your employment status with respect to her corporate position.
16450 4 12 The Deposition 2786 Michael Come again? That's what she said? I don't know what you're talking about.
16451 4 12 The Deposition 2786 Jan Okay, if I may, he was just telling a joke before, so can we move on to another question?
16452 4 12 The Deposition 2786 Lester Oh, are you sure?
16453 4 12 The Deposition 2786 Jan Uh, yes.
16454 4 12 The Deposition 2786 Lester Can you go back to where this digression began?
16455 4 12 The Deposition 2786 Deposition Reporter Mr. Schneider: And you were directly under her the entire time? Mr. Scott: That's what she said.
16456 4 12 The Deposition 2786 Michael Well, delivery is all wrong. She's butchering it.
16457 4 12 The Deposition 2787 Kelly Yeah, that's what I thought.
16458 4 12 The Deposition 2788 Lester Did Ms. Levinson ever say why she thought she was being fired?
16459 4 12 The Deposition 2788 Michael She thought it had to do with the twins. That's what I call them.
16460 4 12 The Deposition 2788 Lester Can you be more specific? Who are the twins?
16461 4 12 The Deposition 2788 Michael Um, to be delicate, they hang off milady's chest. They... make milk.
16462 4 12 The Deposition 2788 Lester You don't need to go any further. Her breasts.
16463 4 12 The Deposition 2788 Michael Yes.
16464 4 12 The Deposition 2788 Lester She thought it had something to do with her recent breast enhancement surgery?
16465 4 12 The Deposition 2788 Michael Yes, and frankly, the timing was nothing short of predominant.
16466 4 12 The Deposition 2788 Lester What about your romantic relationship with Ms. Levinson? Could that have played a part in her termination?
16467 4 12 The Deposition 2788 Michael Well, if it did, then the company is breaking its own rules.
16468 4 12 The Deposition 2788 Lester Interesting. How so?
16469 4 12 The Deposition 2788 Michael Because before we started dating, we disclosed our relationship to HR. And I have the proof right here.
16470 4 12 The Deposition 2788 Diane Okay, the company has just a few clarifying questions, Mr. Scott, if that's okay with you?
16471 4 12 The Deposition 2788 Michael I will allow it.
16472 4 12 The Deposition 2788 Diane Um would you mind please just, uh, taking a quick look at, uh, this photograph please.
16473 4 12 The Deposition 2788 Michael Uh...
16474 4 12 The Deposition 2788 Diane That is you and Ms. Levinson in Jamaica, is that correct?
16475 4 12 The Deposition 2788 Michael Uh-huh.
16476 4 12 The Deposition 2788 Diane And that photograph was taken more than two months prior to this start of your relationship. Does that sound right? Mr. Scott, the timeline here is actually very important. Please, when did your relationship actually begin?
16477 4 12 The Deposition 2788 Michael Ugh. Well, de-depends on how you define "begin". I mean, if it was from the first time we shook hands, that's like six years ago. If it's from the first time we kissed, that's like two years ago.
16478 4 12 The Deposition 2788 Diane Wait, excuse me?
16479 4 12 The Deposition 2788 Michael If it was the first time we kissed sober, it was like four months after that.
16480 4 12 The Deposition 2788 Lester Could we take a short break?
16481 4 12 The Deposition 2788 Diane No, uh, are you telling me that your relationship began two years ago and not in February as you previously testified to here?
16482 4 12 The Deposition 2788 Michael Line.
16483 4 12 The Deposition 2788 Diane I'm sorry, what?
16484 4 12 The Deposition 2788 Man He asked for a line, like in a play.
16485 4 12 The Deposition 2789 Deposition Reporter "Mr. Scott, do you realize you just contradicted yourself?" "I did?" "Yes you did." "Can I go to the bathroom?" "No." "I really have to, I've been drinking lots of water." "You went five minutes ago." "That wasn't to go to the bathroom, that was to get out of a question." "You still have to answer it." "First can I go to the bathroom?" "No."
16486 4 12 The Deposition 2790 Jim Good game Meredith.
16487 4 12 The Deposition 2790 Meredith Don't patronize me.
16488 4 12 The Deposition 2790 Dwight All right! What is going on here?
16489 4 12 The Deposition 2790 Jim Dwight! Thank God you're here. As it turns out, one of our biggest clients is a ping pong master, and I have to play him tomorrow, or we lose the account. Can you help me out? Will you help me practice?
16490 4 12 The Deposition 2791 Jim What the hell?
16491 4 12 The Deposition 2791 Dwight I told you.
16492 4 12 The Deposition 2792 Dwight All of my heroes are table tennis players. Zoran Primorac, Jan-Ove Waldner, Wang Tao, Jörg Roßkopf, and of course Ashraf Helmi. I even have a life size poster of Hugo Hoyama on my wall. And the first time I left Pennsylvania was to go the hall of fame induction ceremony of Andrzej Grubba.
16493 4 12 The Deposition 2793 Michael Jan and I had an off again, on again relationship for two years. And I know this destroys her case, and I am sorry, but I throw myself at the mercy of the deposition.
16494 4 12 The Deposition 2793 Diane Kelly Thank you, Mr. Scott. That's all we needed to know.
16495 4 12 The Deposition 2793 Lester Wait, we'd like to enter to the record a page from Michael Scott's personal journal.
16496 4 12 The Deposition 2793 Michael Whoa whoa whoa whoa! What are you doing with my diary?
16497 4 12 The Deposition 2793 Lester This is plaintiff's exhibit 107. I quote from an entry dated Janruary 4 of this past year. "Just got back from Jamaica. Tan almost everywhere. Jan almost everywhere. Hehe. Oh diary, what a week. I had s*x with my boss. I don't know if it's going to go anywhere. Jan was very specific that this is not going anywhere, that it was a one time mistake. But we had s*x six times so you tell me. I am definitely feeling very eerie."
16498 4 12 The Deposition 2793 Michael Irie.
16499 4 12 The Deposition 2793 Lester Irie, sorry. "More tomorrow. xoxo, Michael." It would appear, that neither you nor Ms. Levinson considered you had a relationship in any sense of the word. Is that correct?
16500 4 12 The Deposition 2793 Diane Kelly We're gonna need to see a copy of that entire journal before we proceed.
16501 4 12 The Deposition 2793 Michael I don't think anyone in this room has the right to read my diary.
16502 4 12 The Deposition 2793 Diane Kelly It's basic discovery. We have the right to review it.
16503 4 12 The Deposition 2793 Man OK, let's make ten copies of this diary.
16504 4 12 The Deposition 2793 Toby Um, can you make it eleven?
16505 4 12 The Deposition 2793 Man Eleven, sure. And we'll break for lunch, so everyone can have a look.
16506 4 12 The Deposition 2794 Michael Can I sit here?
16507 4 12 The Deposition 2794 Toby ...You know, I, uh, I know a little about what you're going through in a way. Um, when I was a kid, my parents got divorced. They both wanted custody, and they both asked me to testify against the other one in court. So, I don't know, I didn't want them getting divorced in the first place you know? I loved them both so much. I just wanted...
16508 4 12 The Deposition 2795 Michael How can you give up my diary like that?
16509 4 12 The Deposition 2795 Jan I had to, I'm sorry but I need to win this. We need to win this.
16510 4 12 The Deposition 2795 Michael How'd you even find it?
16511 4 12 The Deposition 2795 Jan You keep it under my side of the mattress.
16512 4 12 The Deposition 2795 Michael I don't like lump. I'm really upset about this.
16513 4 12 The Deposition 2795 Jan Alright, I stole your diary and gave it to my lawyer. You emailed a topless photo of me to everyone in our company. Let's call it even.
16514 4 12 The Deposition 2795 Michael Fine. I love you.
16515 4 12 The Deposition 2795 Jan I love you too.
16516 4 12 The Deposition 2796 Diane Kelly Mr. Scott, who is this other woman, Ryan? Who you refer to her as "Just as hot as Jan, but in a different way."
16517 4 12 The Deposition 2796 Michael Not a woman, just a cool, great looking, best friend.
16518 4 12 The Deposition 2796 Lester Aren't we trying to determine whether Michael or Jan were engaged in a romantic affair? Not Michael and this Ryan person.
16519 4 12 The Deposition 2796 Toby Excuse me.
16520 4 12 The Deposition 2796 Michael Alright, alright. This is the way I see it. Yes, I had s*x with Jan, and yes, I did consider Jan to be my girlfriend. However, Jan clearly didn't consider me to be her boyfriend. So her actions are completely rightful.
16521 4 12 The Deposition 2796 Diane Kelly OK Mr. Scott, it's, it's admirable the way you defend a woman who is so obviously ambivalent about her relationship with you.
16522 4 12 The Deposition 2796 Michael Thank you very much. You didn't have to say that.
16523 4 12 The Deposition 2796 Diane Kelly Considering she consistently gave you such poor performance reviews.
16524 4 12 The Deposition 2796 Michael That was before our relationship. She was going through a divorce, and she was drinking a lot... ...of water.
16525 4 12 The Deposition 2796 Diane Kelly Mr. Scott, this is a copy of a particularly negative performance review. Would you mind, uh, reading the date on that please?
16526 4 12 The Deposition 2796 Michael March 17th.
16527 4 12 The Deposition 2796 Diane Kelly And that would be a month after your relationship became official, is that correct?
16528 4 12 The Deposition 2796 Michael Yes.
16529 4 12 The Deposition 2796 Diane Kelly You may read the, uh, highlighted portion out loud if you'd like to.
16530 4 12 The Deposition 2796 Michael "I am out of carrots. I am out of sticks. Mr. Scott has time and again proven himself to be an unmanageable employee, and a poor branch manager. I recommend he be removed from that position and re-assigned to sales where he belongs."
16531 4 12 The Deposition 2796 Diane Kelly Mr. Scott, after hearing that wouldn't you say Ms. Levinson's judgment is, at least, very seriously flawed?
16532 4 12 The Deposition 2796 Diane Kelly Mr. Scott?
16533 4 12 The Deposition 2797 Pam How's it going?
16534 4 12 The Deposition 2797 Dwight Well, he has gone from completely hopeless to simply miserable.
16535 4 12 The Deposition 2797 Jim Check this out though, spin serve. Well, it works like 80% of the time, so...
16536 4 12 The Deposition 2797 Pam Nice. So, should I reschedule the rematch with Darryl now?
16537 4 12 The Deposition 2797 Jim I think I'm ready.
16538 4 12 The Deposition 2797 Pam I'll make the call.
16539 4 12 The Deposition 2797 Dwight Wait a minute, Darryl is the client? ...No, no, no. He works here, dumbass.
16540 4 12 The Deposition 2797 Jim ...Right. Spin-serve!
16541 4 12 The Deposition 2798 Michael How can you do that to me?
16542 4 12 The Deposition 2798 Lester You can respond, just remember it's all going into the record.
16543 4 12 The Deposition 2798 Jan Michael, I am not the enemy, OK? Dunder Mifflin is the enemy.
16544 4 12 The Deposition 2798 Michael Dunder Mifflin has always treated me with the utmost respect, with loyalty. They were going to give me your job and I should have taken it.
16545 4 12 The Deposition 2798 Jan Alright, wait. Before you go any further, let me show you what kind of loyalty they have, OK? Lester, please read that part of Wallace's deposition.
16546 4 12 The Deposition 2798 Lester Starting at paragraph 6. Council: "Mr. Wallace, regarding Michael Scott, was he a contender to replace Jan Levinson?" David Wallace: "Yes."
16547 4 12 The Deposition 2798 Michael See? I was his number 1 contender. I was being groomed.
16548 4 12 The Deposition 2798 Lester Council: "Was he your first choice?" David Wallace: "Michael Scott is a fine employee who has been with the company for many years."
16549 4 12 The Deposition 2798 Council "Was he in the top 5 of contenders?" David Wallace: "What do you want me to say? Come on, he's a nice guy. There were many people that I considered." Council: "Was he seriously being considered for the corporate job?" David Wallace: "No."
16550 4 12 The Deposition 2798 Lester I have one more question, Mr. Scott. Wouldn't you agree with Ms. Levinson that the company exhibits a pattern of disrespect toward its employees?
16551 4 12 The Deposition 2798 Michael ...Absolutely not.
16552 4 12 The Deposition 2799 Pam Yes! Way to go. See that?
16553 4 12 The Deposition 2799 Kelly Yeah, the floppy haired girl you date won a point.
16554 4 12 The Deposition 2799 Darryl 19, serving 4.
16555 4 12 The Deposition 2799 Kelly Woooh! Nice baby! Nice one! Hey, hey, you, you! I don't like your boyfriend! Cuz, cuz, cuz, cuz, cuz he sucks at ping-pong!
16556 4 12 The Deposition 2799 Pam You know what? I'm sick of this! Let's go, you and me!
16557 4 12 The Deposition 2799 Kelly What?
16558 4 12 The Deposition 2799 Pam Let's go. Pick up a paddle.
16559 4 12 The Deposition 2799 Kelly OK. Bring it on.
16560 4 12 The Deposition 2799 Pam I am.
16561 4 12 The Deposition 2799 Kelly Think you can handle this?
16562 4 12 The Deposition 2799 Pam In my sleep.
16563 4 12 The Deposition 2799 Kelly OK. Volley for serve, P.
16564 4 12 The Deposition 2799 Pam O. P.
16565 4 12 The Deposition 2799 Kelly O.
16566 4 12 The Deposition 2799 Jim Do you want to go play on the table upstairs?
16567 4 12 The Deposition 2799 Darryl Yes.
16568 4 12 The Deposition 2800 David Michael. I am very sorry.
16569 4 12 The Deposition 2800 Michael Oh, hey no biggie. Just...
16570 4 12 The Deposition 2800 David Wallace No, no, no, no, no. This was rough. We never meant for you to get caught in the middle of this. I'm very sorry.
16571 4 12 The Deposition 2800 Michael Hey, David?
16572 4 12 The Deposition 2800 David Yeah?
16573 4 12 The Deposition 2800 Michael I think you're a nice guy too.
16574 4 12 The Deposition 2800 David Thanks, Michael.
16575 4 12 The Deposition 2801 Michael Why did I do it? I don't know. Jan said that it was because of the photo that she revealed the diary. But she already brought the diary with her to New York, so... You expect to get screwed by your company, but you never expect to get screwed by your girlfriend.
16576 4 12 The Deposition 2802 Michael What do you want to do for dinner?
16577 4 12 The Deposition 2802 Jan How about Chinese?
16578 4 12 The Deposition 2802 Michael Sure trying to save some money... get something cheap.
16579 4 12 The Deposition 2802 Jan That was my cheap suggestion. Chinese was my cheap suggestion.
16580 4 12 The Deposition 2802 Michael Do you fast food?
16581 4 12 The Deposition 2802 Jan Fine, fast food's fine.
16582 4 13 Dinner Party 2803 Stanley This is ridiculous.
16583 4 13 Dinner Party 2803 Phyllis Do you have any idea what time we'll get out of here?
16584 4 13 Dinner Party 2803 Michael Nobody likes to work late, least of all me. Do you have plans tonight?
16585 4 13 Dinner Party 2803 Jim Nope I don't, remember when you told us not to make plans 'cause we're working.
16586 4 13 Dinner Party 2803 Michael Yes I remember. Mmm, this is B.S. This is B.S. Why are we here? I am going to call corporate. Enough is enough, I'm - God, I'm so mad! This is Michael Scott, Scranton, well we don't want to work. No we don't! It's not fair to these people. These people are my friends and I care about them! We're not going to do it! Everybody I just got off the horn with corporate and basically I told them where they could stick their little overtime assignment. Go enjoy your Friday.
16587 4 13 Dinner Party 2803 Dwight Thank you Michael.
16588 4 13 Dinner Party 2803 Michael All right, happy Friday. Well I think we dodged a bullet there.
16589 4 13 Dinner Party 2803 Jim I think you did.
16590 4 13 Dinner Party 2803 Michael I think we should celebrate. How about you, Pam, mi casa, a little dinner, dancing, drinks?
16591 4 13 Dinner Party 2803 Jim Oh, I-
16592 4 13 Dinner Party 2803 Michael You said you didn't have plans. That's what you said.
16593 4 13 Dinner Party 2804 Jim Michael has asked Pam and me to dinner at least 9 times. And every time we've been able to get out of it. But I've got to give him credit, he got me. Because I'm starting to suspect that there was no assignment from corporate.
16594 4 13 Dinner Party 2805 Dwight Michael, what time should I be arriving?
16595 4 13 Dinner Party 2805 Michael Dwight, it's couples only. And besides, I only have six wine glasses, so it will be me and Jan, and Pam and Jim, and Angela and Andy.
16596 4 13 Dinner Party 2805 Andy Hey-o!
16597 4 13 Dinner Party 2806 Dwight Does it bother me that I wasn't invited to Michael's dinner party?
16598 4 13 Dinner Party 2807 Jan Hi.
16599 4 13 Dinner Party 2807 Michael Hello.
16600 4 13 Dinner Party 2807 Jim Hi.
16601 4 13 Dinner Party 2807 Jan How are you?
16602 4 13 Dinner Party 2807 Michael Come on in. Good to see you.
16603 4 13 Dinner Party 2807 Jan Chilly huh? So glad we finally got to do this with you guys. You wanna take their coats babe?
16604 4 13 Dinner Party 2807 Michael Yes I would. So, what have you been doing?
16605 4 13 Dinner Party 2807 Jim Let's see, since I saw you an hour ago?
16606 4 13 Dinner Party 2807 Michael Yeah.
16607 4 13 Dinner Party 2807 Jim I have been getting ready and then driving over here.
16608 4 13 Dinner Party 2807 Michael Well we have been doing pretty much the same thing.
16609 4 13 Dinner Party 2807 Jim Really?
16610 4 13 Dinner Party 2807 Michael Except driving.
16611 4 13 Dinner Party 2807 Pam We got you this.
16612 4 13 Dinner Party 2807 Jan Oh well Pam, thank you, this will be great to cook with.
16613 4 13 Dinner Party 2807 Michael Well have a seat, or come on in, or, I don't know, make yourself to home. This is our casa.
16614 4 13 Dinner Party 2807 Pam It's really nice.
16615 4 13 Dinner Party 2807 Jan So what do you guys think, should we do the tour first or the appetizers first?
16616 4 13 Dinner Party 2807 Jim Tour, let's do the tour first.
16617 4 13 Dinner Party 2807 Michael Okay.
16618 4 13 Dinner Party 2807 Jan Do you have a preference babe? Upstairs first?
16619 4 13 Dinner Party 2807 Michael Totally your call babe.
16620 4 13 Dinner Party 2807 Jan Alright, well, let's go then, I say upstairs.
16621 4 13 Dinner Party 2807 Jim Oh, you guys doing a little construction?
16622 4 13 Dinner Party 2807 Michael Oh, just redoing the sliding glass door.
16623 4 13 Dinner Party 2807 Jan Yeah, so sorry about this God-awful carpet, we're still a work in progress here.
16624 4 13 Dinner Party 2807 Michael Well, thats...
16625 4 13 Dinner Party 2808 Jan This is my office.
16626 4 13 Dinner Party 2808 Michael Yep, never been used.
16627 4 13 Dinner Party 2808 Jan Not super exciting.
16628 4 13 Dinner Party 2808 Michael No.
16629 4 13 Dinner Party 2808 Jan And this is my workspace.
16630 4 13 Dinner Party 2808 Michael This is it, check that out, can you smell that?
16631 4 13 Dinner Party 2808 Pam Uh-huh.
16632 4 13 Dinner Party 2808 Michael As you can smell there's a lot of different odors going on in here.
16633 4 13 Dinner Party 2808 Pam So you have an office and a workspace?
16634 4 13 Dinner Party 2808 Jan I do, I cannot create in the same space I conduct business, I'm sure that you're the same with your doodles. Smell.
16635 4 13 Dinner Party 2808 Jim It's fire.
16636 4 13 Dinner Party 2808 Jan Uh-huh, Bonfire.
16637 4 13 Dinner Party 2808 Michael Bond.
16638 4 13 Dinner Party 2808 Jan Men love this one.
16639 4 13 Dinner Party 2808 Michael James Bond Fire. I am Bond fire, James Bond Fire. Michael Scarn.
16640 4 13 Dinner Party 2808 Jan When I get frustrated, or irritated or... angry, I come up here and I just smell all my candles and it just -poof- goes away.
16641 4 13 Dinner Party 2808 Jim Just like that.
16642 4 13 Dinner Party 2808 Jan Just like that.
16643 4 13 Dinner Party 2808 Jan So this is the master bedroom, and these walls used to like white, like an asylum. So I wanted it to be softer, So I had it painted in eggshell white.
16644 4 13 Dinner Party 2808 Michael Guess what, white and eggshell white are exactly the same color.
16645 4 13 Dinner Party 2808 Jan Babe I thought you said you were going to tidy things up.
16646 4 13 Dinner Party 2808 Michael Well, I-
16647 4 13 Dinner Party 2808 Jan Shame on you.
16648 4 13 Dinner Party 2808 Pam What a cute bench.
16649 4 13 Dinner Party 2808 Michael Thanks, that's my bed. Jan has some space issues, so I curl up on that puppy.
16650 4 13 Dinner Party 2808 Jim Really? 'cause... seems pretty narrow... and short.
16651 4 13 Dinner Party 2808 Michael It's actually a lot bigger than it seems. Look at this.
16652 4 13 Dinner Party 2808 Jan See, he fits perfectly.
16653 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Michael I finally broke down and bought myself a plasma TV. Check it out. I actually hung this on the wall myself. I want to show you something . A lot of people in the room, need more space? Voila, right in the wall.
16654 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Jim Wow.
16655 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Michael Sometimes I will just stand here and watch television for hours. I love it, I love this TV. Oh and I also built this table.
16656 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Jim What is that chestnut?
16657 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Michael No, I think that is either pine, or nordic cherry.
16658 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Jan It's pine.
16659 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Jim Michael, I'm just terrible at all this stuff, so that's really cool.
16660 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Jan Really?
16661 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Pam Yeah, he tried to set up my TIVO for me but then I didn't have audio for a week.
16662 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Michael If you ever need any help, I am just a phone call away.
16663 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Jan I bet you are.
16664 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Jim Well, I saw - oh your Dundies. I'm surprised they're not out on the coffee table for everybody to see.
16665 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Jan It was between the neon beer sign and the Dundies so I said "Honey keep the trophies."
16666 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Michael Oh honey, I have the best trophy right here, aside from my Dundies.
16667 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Jan Oh, excuse us just a second.
16668 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Michael I'll get it.
16669 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Jan So glad you're finally able to be here.
16670 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Angela No, no.
16671 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Michael Okay.
16672 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Andy Tuna! What's up Tuna, we having tuna for dinner? I bet you're sick of tuna right? You probably have tuna every night. Tuna! These are for you.
16673 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Jan Oh, how thoughtful.
16674 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Michael Very nice.
16675 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Andy Except for one flower, which is for... my flower.
16676 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Jan Aw.
16677 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Angela What am I supposed to do with this?
16678 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Jan How 'bout we do the short tour and then I'll start dinner?
16679 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Pam Oh I can help starting dinner if you need it.
16680 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Jan Oh no no no, it's just the osso buco needs to braise for about three hours, everything else is done.
16681 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Pam Three hours from now or three hours from earlier like 4:00?
16682 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Jan You know Pam, in Spain they often don't start eating until midnight.
16683 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Michael When in Rome.
16684 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Jan Do you have a preference, upstairs first?
16685 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Michael Whatever you say babe.
16686 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Jan Follow me.
16687 4 13 Dinner Party 2809 Michael All right.
16688 4 13 Dinner Party 2810 Michael How 'bout a toast. Shall I? Here's to good friends.
16689 4 13 Dinner Party 2810 All Cheers.
16690 4 13 Dinner Party 2810 Michael Kinda sorta an oaky afterbirth.
16691 4 13 Dinner Party 2810 Jim What was that?
16692 4 13 Dinner Party 2810 Jan So music, should we turn some music?
16693 4 13 Dinner Party 2810 Michael Yeah that sounds good.
16694 4 13 Dinner Party 2810 Jan Do you guys remember my old assistant Hunter? He is an excellent songwriter.
16695 4 13 Dinner Party 2810 Hunter's CD You took me by the hand, Made me a man, That one night, You made everything all right, So raw, so right, All night, all right, Oh yeah, Oh yeah, So raw, so right, All night, all right, Oh yeah.
16696 4 13 Dinner Party 2810 Michael You know what, Hunter was a terrible assistant, that is why Ryan fired him.
16697 4 13 Dinner Party 2810 Jan Well I think he's probably just about as reliable as Pam being that it usually takes you an afternoon to get back to me.
16698 4 13 Dinner Party 2810 Angela Sometimes I think she holds on to faxes.
16699 4 13 Dinner Party 2811 Pam I don't care what they say, I just want to eat. Which I realize is a lot to ask for... at a dinner party.
16700 4 13 Dinner Party 2812 Andy No it's a... hump. There's a hump.
16701 4 13 Dinner Party 2812 Jan Joe Camel!
16702 4 13 Dinner Party 2812 Andy Okay yes, first name of that animal and the second name is the state where Helena is the capital.
16703 4 13 Dinner Party 2812 Pam Montana.
16704 4 13 Dinner Party 2812 Jan Oh!
16705 4 13 Dinner Party 2812 Pam Joe Montana!
16706 4 13 Dinner Party 2812 Andy Yes! Yes.
16707 4 13 Dinner Party 2812 Pam Why didn't you just say 49ers quarterback?
16708 4 13 Dinner Party 2812 Michael All right, my my my my turn, my my my my turn, my my my my turn.
16709 4 13 Dinner Party 2812 Jan Babe can you just like really, woah, could you just simmer down?
16710 4 13 Dinner Party 2812 Michael What, no, I'm just making people laugh.
16711 4 13 Dinner Party 2812 Jan No.
16712 4 13 Dinner Party 2812 Michael Yes, I was watching Jim's face.
16713 4 13 Dinner Party 2812 Jan I was watching Jim.
16714 4 13 Dinner Party 2812 Michael And he was laughing.
16715 4 13 Dinner Party 2812 Jan No smiling.
16716 4 13 Dinner Party 2812 Michael Look at him, he's laughing.
16717 4 13 Dinner Party 2813 Jim Michael and Jan seem to be playing their own separate game and it's called 'Let's see how uncomfortable we can make our guests' and they're both winning. So I'm going to make a run for it.
16718 4 13 Dinner Party 2814 Jim You'll never guess, I just got a message from my landlord apparently, my apartment flooded, something with a sprinkler. Pam, we should probably get going and see the damage.
16719 4 13 Dinner Party 2814 Pam Oh okay.
16720 4 13 Dinner Party 2814 Michael Well you don't need two of you to do that.
16721 4 13 Dinner Party 2814 Jim That's true. Um... dinner sounded delicious. Pam I'll see you at home, thank you so much.
16722 4 13 Dinner Party 2814 Pam Oh Jim, I don't think you're going to abandon this party here all by itself.
16723 4 13 Dinner Party 2814 Jim I don't know because I everything I own is there.
16724 4 13 Dinner Party 2814 Pam You can buy new stuff but you can't buy a new party.
16725 4 13 Dinner Party 2814 Michael That's true, that's a great point. Come on down here. Sit down on that couch and be amongst friends and we are not going to think about all your stuff being destroyed, all right.
16726 4 13 Dinner Party 2814 Andy Michael, you're up.
16727 4 13 Dinner Party 2814 Michael All right here we go, this is going to be fun, ready. All right first name is Tom-
16728 4 13 Dinner Party 2814 Jan No no no, no names, no names, no rhyming, no soundalikes.
16729 4 13 Dinner Party 2814 Michael All right, Okay, okay, you're getting inside my head. First name is blank and he goes on a cruise, he goes on a Caribbean CRUISE.
16730 4 13 Dinner Party 2814 Angela I don't know.
16731 4 13 Dinner Party 2814 Jim Katie Holmes.
16732 4 13 Dinner Party 2814 Michael No, Baah! But he's married to her!
16733 4 13 Dinner Party 2814 Jim Oh, Dawson's Creek.
16734 4 13 Dinner Party 2814 Michael No! It has to be a real person Jim, come on. Okay, no no, I'm gonna pass, I'm gonna pass. Okay, rhymes with Parnold Schporzenegger.
16735 4 13 Dinner Party 2814 Jan No rhyming!
16736 4 13 Dinner Party 2814 Jim Not really a rhyme.
16737 4 13 Dinner Party 2814 Angela Another clue, another clue.
16738 4 13 Dinner Party 2814 Michael Okay, he is the governor of California, he is the Terminator.
16739 4 13 Dinner Party 2814 Angela Those aren't helpful.
16740 4 13 Dinner Party 2814 Jim Tom Cruise!
16741 4 13 Dinner Party 2814 Michael No!
16742 4 13 Dinner Party 2814 Andy Time!
16743 4 13 Dinner Party 2814 Michael God, does anybody read the paper?!
16744 4 13 Dinner Party 2815 Pam Oh, thank you.
16745 4 13 Dinner Party 2815 Michael You're welcome.
16746 4 13 Dinner Party 2815 Jan I'm so, so sorry for the temperature in here. The um, sliding glass door shattered. It's actually a really cute story. Do you wanna tell it babe or should I tell it?
16747 4 13 Dinner Party 2815 Michael I don't like that story babe.
16748 4 13 Dinner Party 2815 Jan Come on, it's a cute story, Michael ran through the sliding glass doors because he thought he heard the ice cream truck!
16749 4 13 Dinner Party 2815 Michael Stop, stop it! I mean, I like ice cream. Okay? Sue me. Oh, no, don't. I shouldn't say that jokingly because she will sue me. She loves to sue, loves lawsuits. You know honey, that door was extremely clean and it looked invisible.
16750 4 13 Dinner Party 2815 Jan You are so right, you're so right because before I lived here, the glass was always covered in smudges, and then I moved in and I cleaned it so I guess that makes me the Devil.
16751 4 13 Dinner Party 2815 Michael Ha ha, you are! She is! She is the devil! I'm in hell! Aaahhh I'm burning, help me!
16752 4 13 Dinner Party 2815 Angela You shouldn't joke about that.
16753 4 13 Dinner Party 2815 Pam Is there more wine in the kitchen?
16754 4 13 Dinner Party 2815 Jan I will get it, I will get it, what kind of hostess would I be if I didn't get. It's okay, I don't mind. In fact you know what, girl's trip, Angela come on. Girl's trip.
16755 4 13 Dinner Party 2816 Jan Uh, not even close.
16756 4 13 Dinner Party 2816 Angela So you keep a very tidy house.
16757 4 13 Dinner Party 2816 Jan You should see our bathroom after Michael takes a bath, whew. But I don't have to tell you Pam.
16758 4 13 Dinner Party 2816 Pam No, yeah. What?
16759 4 13 Dinner Party 2816 Jan Oh well don't tell me that he's really changed since you guys dated.
16760 4 13 Dinner Party 2816 Pam Oh, are you joking?
16761 4 13 Dinner Party 2816 Jan Well, Michael told me a little bit about it, but I see the way you look at him.
16762 4 13 Dinner Party 2816 Pam I have never, ever dated, or wanted to do anything resembling dating Michael, ever. Not ever, not now, not then, not now, not ever, ever.
16763 4 13 Dinner Party 2816 Angela I've noticed how you look at him at the office.
16764 4 13 Dinner Party 2816 Jan Mmhmm.
16765 4 13 Dinner Party 2817 Michael So I spend most of my time right here. Have a hand . So Jim I noticed you checking out Jan's candles.
16766 4 13 Dinner Party 2817 Jim Oh no she just put it in front of my face.
16767 4 13 Dinner Party 2817 Michael Yeah, did you know that candles are the number one fastest-growing product in the scent aroma market? $2 billion dollar a year industry. And for only $10,000, you could become a co-owner of "Serenity by Jan" What do you think about that?
16768 4 13 Dinner Party 2817 Andy Thought about it, I'm in.
16769 4 13 Dinner Party 2817 Jim I'm sorry, are you really trying to get us to invest in Jan's company?
16770 4 13 Dinner Party 2817 Michael I'm sorry. What now?
16771 4 13 Dinner Party 2818 Jan Coming!
16772 4 13 Dinner Party 2818 Dwight Hello.
16773 4 13 Dinner Party 2818 Jan What are you doing here?
16774 4 13 Dinner Party 2818 Dwight We came here to eat dinner and to party, this is a dinner party right?
16775 4 13 Dinner Party 2818 Pam Awesome.
16776 4 13 Dinner Party 2818 Jan What is he doing here?
16777 4 13 Dinner Party 2818 Angela Yes, What are you doing here?
16778 4 13 Dinner Party 2818 Michael Dwight is my friend.
16779 4 13 Dinner Party 2818 Woman We weren't invited?
16780 4 13 Dinner Party 2818 Michael You said that I could not invite Dwight because he was not part of a couple, and because we didn't have enough wine glasses. Dwight brought glasses and a person.
16781 4 13 Dinner Party 2818 Jan Fine, whatever you want, just like always, whatever you want.
16782 4 13 Dinner Party 2818 Michael Whatever I want? It's never whatever I want. When I wanted to see Stomp, and you wanted to see Wicked, what did we see?
16783 4 13 Dinner Party 2818 Jan We saw Wicked.
16784 4 13 Dinner Party 2818 Michael When I said that I wanted to have kids, and you said, you wanted me to have a vasectomy, what did I do? And then when you said that you might want to have kids and I wasn't so sure, Who had the vasectomy reversed? And then when you said you defintely didn't want to have kids, who had it reversed back? Snip snap! Snip snap! Snip snap! I did. You have no idea the physical toll, that three vasectomies have on a person. And I bought this condo to fill with children.
16785 4 13 Dinner Party 2818 Jan I am so sorry that I don't want to bring kids into this screwed-up world, okay? But look if you want to have kids, then fine you win. Let's have a ing kid.
16786 4 13 Dinner Party 2818 Michael Do you mean it? You want to have a kid?
16787 4 13 Dinner Party 2818 Jan I hate my life.
16788 4 13 Dinner Party 2818 Dwight So can we come in?
16789 4 13 Dinner Party 2819 Dwight Hmmm... Mmm... great turkey leg.
16790 4 13 Dinner Party 2819 Jan I'm just gonna check on dinner.
16791 4 13 Dinner Party 2819 Dwight Angela, would you like some of my beet salad?
16792 4 13 Dinner Party 2819 Angela I hate beet salad.
16793 4 13 Dinner Party 2819 Woman It's actually really good.
16794 4 13 Dinner Party 2819 Dwight Hey hey hey hey. I know you love beet salad. I've seen you eat it many times.
16795 4 13 Dinner Party 2819 Angela The thought of popping one of your beets into my mouth makes me want to vomit.
16796 4 13 Dinner Party 2819 Michael Pam... I hope she didn't do anything to the food.
16797 4 13 Dinner Party 2819 Pam Like... like what?
16798 4 13 Dinner Party 2819 Michael I can't prove it but I think she might be trying to poison me. Hey, looks great babe.
16799 4 13 Dinner Party 2819 Andy Yeah it does.
16800 4 13 Dinner Party 2820 Pam I know Jan didn't poison the food. I know that. But if she was going to poison the food of someone at that table wouldn't it be me? Michael's former lover?
16801 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Jan Can you not do that? It's disgusting.
16802 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Michael You know I have soft teeth, how can you say that?
16803 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Jan Oops.
16804 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Michael Excuse me for a second.
16805 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Jim So... how do you guys know each other?
16806 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Woman I was his babysitter.
16807 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Pam And now you guys are dating?
16808 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Dwight Purely carnal and that's all you need to know.
16809 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Jim Would you write down your e-mail because I have just so many questions...
16810 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Woman E-mail?
16811 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Jim Nevermind.
16812 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Michael Ok... alright... here we go. There. Oooookay.
16813 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Jim That's nice.
16814 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Michael Everybody enjoying their meal?
16815 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Jan Hey babe?
16816 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Michael Yeah?
16817 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Jan How about we take the beer sign down until our guests leave and then we can discuss it.
16818 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Michael No. No. I'm gonna leave it up. I think it ties the whole room together.
16819 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Jan Ok.
16820 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Michael Jan thinks Hunter is very talented. You know what? I don't think he's that good.
16821 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Jan At least he's an artist.
16822 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Michael BFD. I'm a screenwriter.
16823 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Jan AND I'M A CANDLEMAKER BUT YOU DON'T HEAR ME BRAGGING ABOUT IT!
16824 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Michael NO ALL YOU DO IS YOU GET ME TO TRY TO WORK ON MY RICH FRIENDS!
16825 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Jan FOR AN INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY!
16826 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Michael MAN! I WOULD LOVE TO BURN YOUR CANDLES!
16827 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Jan YOU BURN IT. YOU BUY IT!
16828 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Michael OH GOOD. I'LL BE YOUR FIRST CUSTOMER!
16829 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Jan AND YOU'RE HARDLY MY FIRST!
16830 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Michael THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID! THAT IS A 200 DOLLAR PLASMA SCREEN TV YOU JUST KILLED! Good luck paying me back on your zero dollars a year salary plus benefits, babe!
16831 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Woman I'm gonna get going.
16832 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Dwight Fine. Get outta here.
16833 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Jim It's getting late.
16834 4 13 Dinner Party 2821 Michael You know what guys, she'll be out of the bathroom soon.
16835 4 13 Dinner Party 2822 Jim Of course
16836 4 13 Dinner Party 2822 Dwight Get out of my way, I'll take care of this. OK. Uhhh what seems to be the problem officers?
16837 4 13 Dinner Party 2822 Officer 1 Not now Dwight, We got a call about a disturbance?
16838 4 13 Dinner Party 2822 Michael Nope. Nope. Nothing disturbing here. Just a couple of friends having an awesome dinner party.
16839 4 13 Dinner Party 2822 Officer 2 The neighbors said they heard some shouting.
16840 4 13 Dinner Party 2822 Michael Oh... yes. There was some screaming but... um... my girlfriend... threw a dundie at my TV. Plasma.
16841 4 13 Dinner Party 2822 Officer 1 You wanna press charges?
16842 4 13 Dinner Party 2822 Michael Would she get into trouble?
16843 4 13 Dinner Party 2822 Officer Yes. She'd be charged.
16844 4 13 Dinner Party 2822 Michael I will take the fall. I did it.
16845 4 13 Dinner Party 2822 Officer 2 You know you don't have to press charges, you could just try to be more quiet.
16846 4 13 Dinner Party 2822 Jan Michael! Michael. What are you doing to him?
16847 4 13 Dinner Party 2822 Officer 1 Sir, do you have any other place you can stay? Maybe with one of your friends here?
16848 4 13 Dinner Party 2822 Dwight Michael can come home with me.
16849 4 13 Dinner Party 2822 Michael Jim? Pam?
16850 4 13 Dinner Party 2822 Jim Oh... my apartment's on fire
16851 4 13 Dinner Party 2822 Pam Flooded.
16852 4 13 Dinner Party 2822 Jim Flooded.
16853 4 13 Dinner Party 2822 Dwight You people. Come on. You're sleeping with me.
16854 4 13 Dinner Party 2822 Michael No.
16855 4 13 Dinner Party 2822 Dwight I'm gonna take you home Michael.
16856 4 13 Dinner Party 2822 Michael Nope.
16857 4 13 Dinner Party 2822 Dwight Alright.
16858 4 13 Dinner Party 2822 Jan Bye Babe!
16859 4 13 Dinner Party 2823 Pam This is the best burger I've ever had, babe.
16860 4 13 Dinner Party 2823 Jim You know, babe, I should have told you but... I did something bad.
16861 4 13 Dinner Party 2823 Pam Hmm?
16862 4 13 Dinner Party 2823 Jim I stole this. For you babe.
16863 4 13 Dinner Party 2824 Pam One night...
16864 4 14 Chair Model 2825 Pam W.B. Jones is renovating their offices and their construction crews are taking up some of the parking spaces we used to get.
16865 4 14 Chair Model 2825 Jim So we had to park at a satellite parking lot over there.
16866 4 14 Chair Model 2825 Pam Which just means we get to see more of our lovely street. Tell them what we saw today Jim.
16867 4 14 Chair Model 2825 Jim Oh today, we saw a junk yard dog attacking the bones of a rotisserie chicken.
16868 4 14 Chair Model 2825 Pam Nature.
16869 4 14 Chair Model 2826 Oscar Been here nine years. Now all of a sudden I'm supposed to park half a mile away.
16870 4 14 Chair Model 2826 Andy I lost a penny out of my loafers, Oscar.
16871 4 14 Chair Model 2827 Kevin I will quit. As God as my witness, I will quit if this is not fixed.
16872 4 14 Chair Model 2828 Pam Some of us like the walk more than others.
16873 4 14 Chair Model 2828 Kevin Hurts like hell.
16874 4 14 Chair Model 2829 Pam Did you pick a new chair? It's been awhile.
16875 4 14 Chair Model 2829 Michael Pam, when I first opened this catalog, I thought I was just going to be picking out a chair.
16876 4 14 Chair Model 2829 Pam But instead, you found something to distract you from ever picking out a chair.
16877 4 14 Chair Model 2830 Pam Michael started the process of selecting a new chair about three weeks ago. And normally I wouldn't care, but he promised me his old one. It's way better. It's one of these. I really want it.
16878 4 14 Chair Model 2831 Michael Have you ever seen this woman?
16879 4 14 Chair Model 2831 Pam Her?
16880 4 14 Chair Model 2831 Michael Hmm...
16881 4 14 Chair Model 2831 Pam The one in the really great mesh black high-back swivel chair?
16882 4 14 Chair Model 2831 Michael Look at her smile. Those eyes, look at her eyes. She's got - I don't know what it is actually, she dresses like a professional and yet you know there is a side of her that could just curl up on a couch.
16883 4 14 Chair Model 2831 Pam Or in a great chair.
16884 4 14 Chair Model 2831 Michael Oh, yeah, maybe, but remember after my dinner party when I said that I was swearing off women?
16885 4 14 Chair Model 2831 Pam I definitely remember your dinner party.
16886 4 14 Chair Model 2831 Michael I think what I meant was that I was completely swearing off one woman. Jan. I think that fate put this catalog in my hands.
16887 4 14 Chair Model 2831 Pam Actually, I put the catalog in your hands 'cause you have to pick out a new chair.
16888 4 14 Chair Model 2832 Michael What is it like being single? I like it. I like starting each day with a sense of possibility. And I'm optimistic because every day I get a little more desperate and desperate situations yield the quickest results.
16889 4 14 Chair Model 2833 Michael Ladies and gentleman, would you please open your supply catalogs and kindly turn to page 85.
16890 4 14 Chair Model 2833 Creed Yo, is this his new chair?
16891 4 14 Chair Model 2833 Pam No, he hasn't picked one yet.
16892 4 14 Chair Model 2833 Creed Daat!
16893 4 14 Chair Model 2834 Creed When Pam gets Michael's old chair, I get Pam's old chair. Then I'll have two chairs. Only one to go.
16894 4 14 Chair Model 2835 Michael I am ready to start dating again. Getting back on the market. So, FYI, for those of you who are thinking about fixing me up with any of your friends, use the woman on page 85 as a template. That will be all.
16895 4 14 Chair Model 2836 Andy I left my cell phone in my car.
16896 4 14 Chair Model 2836 Phyllis Call us when you get there so we know you're OK.
16897 4 14 Chair Model 2837 Michael Listen man, I am completely over Jan, so, would you set me up?
16898 4 14 Chair Model 2837 Kevin If I had someone to set you up with Michael, then I'd take her for myself.
16899 4 14 Chair Model 2837 Michael I thought that you were engaged?
16900 4 14 Chair Model 2837 Kevin Nope. Stacy broke up with me.
16901 4 14 Chair Model 2837 Michael Whaaaat? God, that's terrible man. Eghh, she's crazy. Umm, are you still on good terms with any of her friends?
16902 4 14 Chair Model 2837 Kevin Not anymore.
16903 4 14 Chair Model 2837 Michael Oh...
16904 4 14 Chair Model 2837 Kevin It's a bitter situation.
16905 4 14 Chair Model 2837 Michael Yeah... ugh. She's... you don't deserve her. Alright.
16906 4 14 Chair Model 2838 Michael Oh hello Oscar Mayer Weiner lover. I bet that you have a bunch of very liberal girl type friends that trust you implicitly because they know you'd never touch 'em, because of your condition. Umm...
16907 4 14 Chair Model 2838 Phyllis Michael?
16908 4 14 Chair Model 2838 Michael What?
16909 4 14 Chair Model 2838 Phyllis I have a friend who's single.
16910 4 14 Chair Model 2838 Michael Oh.
16911 4 14 Chair Model 2838 Phyllis Sandy. She's gorgeous and she's got a feisty personality, too.
16912 4 14 Chair Model 2838 Michael Hmm, I see, feisty. So she's not jolly or sassy? Not like a jolly, sassy opera singer?
16913 4 14 Chair Model 2838 Phyllis Umm, no, she's a professional softball player.
16914 4 14 Chair Model 2838 Michael Oooo. Catcher or in field?
16915 4 14 Chair Model 2838 Phyllis Umm I don't know Michael.
16916 4 14 Chair Model 2838 Michael Is she a dress wearer or a pants wearer? Could we share a row boat? Could, could a row boat support her?
16917 4 14 Chair Model 2838 Phyllis What are you asking?
16918 4 14 Chair Model 2838 Michael I think I'm being very clear what I'm asking. Would an average size row boat support her without capsizing? It bothers me that you're not answering the question.
16919 4 14 Chair Model 2838 Phyllis No, alright no, she can't fit in a row boat.
16920 4 14 Chair Model 2838 Michael Damn it, I knew it! I knew it Phyllis! OK!
16921 4 14 Chair Model 2839 Michael What is wrong with these people? I would do anything for them and they're just hanging me out to dry.
16922 4 14 Chair Model 2840 Michael Dating shouldn't be hard for somebody like me, but it is and you know why? Because nobody here is willing to help me. Nothing would ever get done in this office without a formal request, would it? Well, fine. Here goes.
16923 4 14 Chair Model 2840 Angela I don't think that this is---
16924 4 14 Chair Model 2840 Michael Well, now OK, I know that this is probably not appropriate, but I need help. Because I want to play ball with my kids before I get too old. And before that happens I need to get laid. And before that happens I need to be in love. And I don't wanna hear "Ahnnn... I can't help elhh la la." No. No. I'm a catch and I am not going to be the one who got away. So, this is what we're going to do. Dwight is going to hand out index cards and I want you all to write down the name of an eligible woman for me to date by the end of the day. No, by the end of the hour or you are fired.
16925 4 14 Chair Model 2840 Dwight Write legibly people.
16926 4 14 Chair Model 2841 Andy Because of the construction at W.B. Jones, half of us have to park in the satellite lot.
16927 4 14 Chair Model 2841 Michael Hmm..
16928 4 14 Chair Model 2841 Andy It's like a ten minute walk.
16929 4 14 Chair Model 2841 Kevin No, thirty.
16930 4 14 Chair Model 2841 Michael Well, look, I am in an assigned parking place in front, so... Alright, alright, alright, umm let me try to think about what it would be like to not have one. OK, yes that would be bad.
16931 4 14 Chair Model 2841 Kevin Yes.
16932 4 14 Chair Model 2841 Andy Yes.
16933 4 14 Chair Model 2841 Michael That would be bad.
16934 4 14 Chair Model 2841 Andy OK.
16935 4 14 Chair Model 2841 Kevin Nice.
16936 4 14 Chair Model 2841 Andy ...So help us out.
16937 4 14 Chair Model 2841 Michael Wish I could, but I can't. Well can, but won't. Should, maybe, but shorn't.
16938 4 14 Chair Model 2841 Kevin Michael, please he--
16939 4 14 Chair Model 2841 Michael What part of shorn't don't you understand, Kevin? Look I could probably handle it, yes, but I think it would be a good exercise for you guys to do it yourselves.
16940 4 14 Chair Model 2841 Andy We won't let you down.
16941 4 14 Chair Model 2841 Michael Oh you can't because I don't care. Listen, don't forget to fill out those cards. My love cards.
16942 4 14 Chair Model 2842 Stanley There's nobody I hate enough to write her name on this card.
16943 4 14 Chair Model 2842 Phyllis Well, I'm setting Michael up with my fat friend anyway, he can just deal with it.
16944 4 14 Chair Model 2842 Pam Who are you putting down?
16945 4 14 Chair Model 2842 Jim Oh, you don't know her.
16946 4 14 Chair Model 2842 Pam Who is it?
16947 4 14 Chair Model 2842 Jim Your mom.
16948 4 14 Chair Model 2842 Pam Yeah, whatever. Give it to me. Give it to me.
16949 4 14 Chair Model 2843 Michael Ok, Wendy. Hot and juicy red head. Give this a try.
16950 4 14 Chair Model 2843 Wendy's phone operator Wendy's.
16951 4 14 Chair Model 2843 Michael Hello Wendy, this is Kevin's friend, Michael.
16952 4 14 Chair Model 2843 Wendy's phone operator This isn't Wendy.
16953 4 14 Chair Model 2843 Michael Oh, I'm sorry, could you put her on please?
16954 4 14 Chair Model 2843 Wendy's phone operator Dude, this is a Wendy's restaurant.
16955 4 14 Chair Model 2843 Michael Damn it Kevin. OK, umm, could I just have a frosty and a baked potato please?
16956 4 14 Chair Model 2843 Wendy's phone operator You have to come to the restaurant to order food.
16957 4 14 Chair Model 2843 Michael Well, I'll send somebody to come pick it up. Just have it ready.
16958 4 14 Chair Model 2843 Wendy's phone operator It's ready now.
16959 4 14 Chair Model 2843 Michael Well put it aside. Umm... yeah.
16960 4 14 Chair Model 2843 Dwight OK, I have collected the rest of the ladies.
16961 4 14 Chair Model 2843 Michael Good. Good because this batch was awful. Umm... this one says chair model...
16962 4 14 Chair Model 2843 Dwight I wrote that. Michael, you shouldn't have to settle. This is my pledge to you. I will find her and I will bring her to you and as God as my witness, she shall bear your fruit.
16963 4 14 Chair Model 2843 Michael That sounds good. Go get her. Wa-Wait, wait, wait, wait. First, go to Wendy's, get my food. Come back and then go.
16964 4 14 Chair Model 2844 Dwight That is fantastic. Thank you, thank you very much. This is just what I needed.
16965 4 14 Chair Model 2845 Dwight The furniture company gave me the name of the advertising agency. They gave me the name of the photographer. The photographer, a Spaniard, used a Wilkes-Barre modeling agency. The agency gave me the following information. Deborah Shoshlefski. 142 South Windsor Lane. Dead. Car accident. Case closed.
16966 4 14 Chair Model 2846 Michael She's dead? She's so young.
16967 4 14 Chair Model 2846 Dwight She was so young and now she is dead. As dead as every dead animal who has ever died.
16968 4 14 Chair Model 2846 Michael Oh, God. Oh...
16969 4 14 Chair Model 2846 Dwight Why don't you sit down? Michael... come on. Here we go. Yeah.
16970 4 14 Chair Model 2846 Jim Michael, you didn't even know her.
16971 4 14 Chair Model 2846 Michael Try not to be so hurtful Jim.
16972 4 14 Chair Model 2846 Dwight Jim, how dare you.
16973 4 14 Chair Model 2846 Michael Please, not at a time like this.
16974 4 14 Chair Model 2846 Pam OK Michael, you know what? I might have someone for you.
16975 4 14 Chair Model 2846 Michael Oh really? What's her name? Burger King?
16976 4 14 Chair Model 2846 Pam No, I mean it. She's really nice and sweet and you guys might actually get along.
16977 4 14 Chair Model 2846 Michael I don't, I don't think I'm ready. Is she hot?
16978 4 14 Chair Model 2847 Pam I'm setting Michael up with my land lady. She's really sweet and... whatever, I just can't take Michael like this.
16979 4 14 Chair Model 2848 Michael No question about it, I am ready to get hurt again.
16980 4 14 Chair Model 2849 Kevin We need to assemble the five families.
16981 4 14 Chair Model 2849 Michael No, not the five families.
16982 4 14 Chair Model 2849 Kevin We have to.
16983 4 14 Chair Model 2850 Kevin The five families are the five companies of Scranton Business Park. The bosses rarely meet. There's Michael Scott, Regional Manager, Dunder Mifflin. Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration. Paul Faust of Disaster Kits Limited. They call him "Cool Guy Paul." W.B. Jones of W.B. Jones Heating and Air. Grade A Bad Ass. And Bill Cress of Cress Tool and Dye. Bill Cress is super old and really mean.
16984 4 14 Chair Model 2851 Michael Sorry, I don't have time for this right now. I'm trying to get a date with Pam's hot friend. And she needs to meet me right now.
16985 4 14 Chair Model 2851 Kevin I'm calling the meeting anyway.
16986 4 14 Chair Model 2852 Michael Thank you very much. Our suspect has straight brown hair. She is wearing blue jeans and a black top. So... behold our bachelorette . Give her ten for looks and a three for her ability to describe herself. Hello, my lady.
16987 4 14 Chair Model 2852 Margaret Michael?
16988 4 14 Chair Model 2852 Michael Ugh.
16989 4 14 Chair Model 2852 Margaret Are you Michael Scott?
16990 4 14 Chair Model 2852 Michael Is who a Michael what?
16991 4 14 Chair Model 2852 Margaret Oh, I'm sorry, I'm, I'm supposed to be meeting someone named Michael.
16992 4 14 Chair Model 2852 Michael Oh, that's not, yeah I'm not... OK...
16993 4 14 Chair Model 2852 Coffee shop worker Michael? Michael? Large hot chocolate with caramel and a shot of peppermint.
16994 4 14 Chair Model 2853 Michael So you get the rent checks every month and what happens next? What...
16995 4 14 Chair Model 2853 Margaret You're asking what I do with the checks that people write to me?
16996 4 14 Chair Model 2853 Michael Just making conversation.
16997 4 14 Chair Model 2854 Michael Why is it so hard to meet people? I... you know... it's uh... All I want is somebody nice and sweet and someone I can talk to and share an experience with, you know? Why is it so hard for people like us?
16998 4 14 Chair Model 2854 Margaret I don't know.
16999 4 14 Chair Model 2854 Michael You wanna see what I walked out on? This is gonna blow your mind. Look at that.
17000 4 14 Chair Model 2854 Margaret She's beautiful.
17001 4 14 Chair Model 2854 Michael Yeah. Yeah, and you can't see her whole body. Down here, she's got a boob job. Just... she was just crazy smart and really manipulative and I don't know.
17002 4 14 Chair Model 2854 Jan Michael? Hello? Michael?
17003 4 14 Chair Model 2854 Margaret I'm gonna head out.
17004 4 14 Chair Model 2854 Michael Oh, OK. Well, umm... I enjoyed this conversation. It was very nice. It was like talking to the sweet old lady on the bus.
17005 4 14 Chair Model 2854 Margaret That's incredibly rude.
17006 4 14 Chair Model 2854 Michael Now you ruined it.
17007 4 14 Chair Model 2855 Bob Vance Where's Scott?
17008 4 14 Chair Model 2855 Andy Uh Michael Scott could not make it today due to an unforeseen prior engagement.
17009 4 14 Chair Model 2855 W.B. Jones Let's just meet back in an hour.
17010 4 14 Chair Model 2855 Andy Gentleman please. We called this meeting. Andrew Bernard is the name of me. And this is my associate, Mr. Kevin Malone.
17011 4 14 Chair Model 2855 Kevin I... have... things...
17012 4 14 Chair Model 2855 W.B. Jones Alright, what do you want?
17013 4 14 Chair Model 2855 Andy Well first of all, I'd just like to say what an honor it is to be sitting here with you gentlemen.
17014 4 14 Chair Model 2855 W.B. Jones You have about ten seconds---
17015 4 14 Chair Model 2855 Kevin We want our parking spaces back!
17016 4 14 Chair Model 2855 Paul Whose parking spaces?
17017 4 14 Chair Model 2855 Kevin W.B. Jones' construction guys park in our parking spaces every morning and some people have to park really far away and walk all the way to the office. And some people sweat too much for comfort and---
17018 4 14 Chair Model 2855 Bill Cress Ohh... God...
17019 4 14 Chair Model 2855 Paul I don't have time for this you guys. Just give 'em back their spaces.
17020 4 14 Chair Model 2855 W.B. Jones OK.
17021 4 14 Chair Model 2855 Paul We good? OK. Could have done this over e-mail.
17022 4 14 Chair Model 2856 Kevin After Stacy left, things did not go well for awhile. And, and it was hard to see... It's just nice to win one.
17023 4 14 Chair Model 2857 Michael Margaret the land lady? Really Pam, is that what you think of me?
17024 4 14 Chair Model 2857 Pam She's sweet and cute. I thought you'd get along.
17025 4 14 Chair Model 2857 Michael Oh, OK, Well I'm looking for a passionate affair, not companionship. I'm a man... of intensity, of, of cool and youth and, and passionately. God...
17026 4 14 Chair Model 2857 Jim Margaret?
17027 4 14 Chair Model 2857 Pam I know.
17028 4 14 Chair Model 2857 Jim You just got yourself kicked out of your apartment.
17029 4 14 Chair Model 2857 Pam Oh I don't care, I didn't really like that place that much anyway. I'll just move.
17030 4 14 Chair Model 2857 Jim Oh really? Who's gonna take you in? You're messy. You're a klutz, you spill everything. And you leave the volume on the TV way too loud.
17031 4 14 Chair Model 2857 Pam Yeah, maybe I'll just move in with my boyfriend 'cause he's kind of a slob, too.
17032 4 14 Chair Model 2857 Jim OK, sure. Let's do it.
17033 4 14 Chair Model 2857 Pam No, I umm, well I'm not gonna, I'm, I'm not gonna move in with anyone unless I'm engaged.
17034 4 14 Chair Model 2857 Jim Have I not proposed to you, yet?
17035 4 14 Chair Model 2857 Pam Hmm, I don't, know...
17036 4 14 Chair Model 2857 Jim Oh, well, that's coming.
17037 4 14 Chair Model 2857 Pam Oh, right now?
17038 4 14 Chair Model 2857 Jim No. Not gonna do it right here, that would be rather lame.
17039 4 14 Chair Model 2857 Pam OK, so then, when?
17040 4 14 Chair Model 2857 Jim Pam, I'm not gonna tell you. Hate to break it to you, but that's not how that works.
17041 4 14 Chair Model 2857 Pam Oh, right, yeah.
17042 4 14 Chair Model 2857 Jim Wait, I'm serious. It's happening.
17043 4 14 Chair Model 2857 Pam Ohh kay.
17044 4 14 Chair Model 2857 Jim And when it happens, it's going to kick your ass, Beesly. So... stay sharp.
17045 4 14 Chair Model 2857 Pam I've been warned.
17046 4 14 Chair Model 2858 Jim I am not kidding. Got it a week after we started dating.
17047 4 14 Chair Model 2859 Michael I don't know man. I was with Jan for so long. I was excited about meeting somebody new. Put my heart out there. It's just...
17048 4 14 Chair Model 2859 Dwight You know what you need? Closure.
17049 4 14 Chair Model 2859 Michael You're right. What do you mean though?
17050 4 14 Chair Model 2859 Dwight There was a woman in your life who affected you very deeply, and she left before you could say good bye. I think you need to say good bye.
17051 4 14 Chair Model 2859 Michael Hmm.
17052 4 14 Chair Model 2859 Dwight Come on. I'll drive.
17053 4 14 Chair Model 2860 Kevin We did it.
17054 4 14 Chair Model 2860 Andy I did it.
17055 4 14 Chair Model 2860 Kevin We got our spaces back.
17056 4 14 Chair Model 2860 Oscar Wow.
17057 4 14 Chair Model 2860 Pam Nice job.
17058 4 14 Chair Model 2860 Jim Nice.
17059 4 14 Chair Model 2860 Andy Yeah, there it is. You're welcome.
17060 4 14 Chair Model 2861 Andy Did I do this for me? No, I did this for the little guy. For Joe Sixpack. The guy who wakes up every morning in his four hundred dollar a month apartment, wonders how's he gonna pay his mortgage that month. Wonders how he's gonna fill his car up with oil. Wonders how I'm gonna pay my kid's orphanage bills. That guy shouldn't have to wonder where he's gonna park.
17061 4 14 Chair Model 2862 Michael How did she die?
17062 4 14 Chair Model 2862 Dwight I guess you could say she died of blunt force trauma and blood loss. She got in a car accident and plowed into the side of an airplane hanger.
17063 4 14 Chair Model 2862 Michael God.
17064 4 14 Chair Model 2862 Dwight Yeah.
17065 4 14 Chair Model 2862 Michael She was so innocent.
17066 4 14 Chair Model 2862 Dwight She was stoned apparently.
17067 4 14 Chair Model 2862 Michael You know I used to think that I had this perfect person out there waiting for me, but knowing that, that's just silly because she's dead. What do you do?
17068 4 14 Chair Model 2862 Dwight You wait until next year's chair catalog comes out and you find someone who's still alive.
17069 4 14 Chair Model 2862 Michael Oh, you move on.
17070 4 14 Chair Model 2862 Dwight Yeah.
17071 4 14 Chair Model 2863 Jim Where do you want to go for dinner?
17072 4 14 Chair Model 2863 Pam I don't know, I kind of hate all our regular places right now. Oh, you know what , that one...
17073 4 14 Chair Model 2863 Jim Hey Pam, will you wait for me one second while I tie my shoe?
17074 4 14 Chair Model 2863 Pam I hate you.
17075 4 14 Chair Model 2863 Jim What? My shoe is untied. What is your problem? Oh my God, you thought I wa--- oh.
17076 4 14 Chair Model 2863 Pam Oh, oh.
17077 4 14 Chair Model 2863 Jim No, no, no.
17078 4 14 Chair Model 2863 Pam How could I have thought that? How could I have thought that?
17079 4 14 Chair Model 2864 Michael Bye, bye, Ms. Chair Model lady. I dreamt that we were married and you treated me nice. We had lots of kids...drinking whiskey and rye, oh why'd you have to go off and die? Why'd you have to go off and die?
17080 4 14 Chair Model 2865 Michael, Dwight OH! You believe in rock 'n roll. Can music save your mortal soul? And then can you have to dance real slow. Well, I know that you're in love with him. 'Cause I saw you dancing in the gym. 'You both kicked off your shoes. Those rhythm and blues...
17081 4 14 Chair Model 2865 Michael Return.
17082 4 14 Chair Model 2865 Dwight Rhythm and blues...
17083 4 14 Chair Model 2865 Michael This'll be the day that I died.
17084 4 15 Night Out 2866 Pam What's wrong Michael?
17085 4 15 Night Out 2866 Michael I got gum in my hair.
17086 4 15 Night Out 2866 Pam You do.
17087 4 15 Night Out 2866 Michael This just stinks. Don't touch it, please don't touch it.
17088 4 15 Night Out 2866 Dwight You've got a ton of dandruff.
17089 4 15 Night Out 2866 Michael OK, let me be.
17090 4 15 Night Out 2866 Jim How'd you get gum in your hair?
17091 4 15 Night Out 2866 Michael I was walking in and I noticed something shinny under Stanley's car and I got under to see what it was and I messed up my hair, all for a stupid piece of tinfoil.
17092 4 15 Night Out 2866 Jim But best case scenario, you thought it was a quarter.
17093 4 15 Night Out 2866 Michael Kill me... right now.
17094 4 15 Night Out 2866 Pam We have peanut butter in the kitchen.
17095 4 15 Night Out 2866 Michael I don't feel like peanut butter. Get me an ice cream sandwich.
17096 4 15 Night Out 2866 Jim Nope. Not for you it's for your hair, and it is 9 am.
17097 4 15 Night Out 2866 Pam No Dwight, not the good peanut butter. People are going to get mad.
17098 4 15 Night Out 2866 Michael Hey, hey, hey. This is my hair we're talking about.
17099 4 15 Night Out 2867 Michael Smells good.
17100 4 15 Night Out 2867 Dwight Taste good too.
17101 4 15 Night Out 2867 Michael Oh don't. That's disgusting.
17102 4 15 Night Out 2867 Dwight Wow! Lot of calories.
17103 4 15 Night Out 2867 Michael Well just don't leave it on too long. Keep massaging please. Ah yeah, that's nice.
17104 4 15 Night Out 2868 Dwight Hey Michael, how was your date last night?
17105 4 15 Night Out 2869 Michael I will be honest; the dating has not been going well. Look, men are visual creatures. We crave beauty, like a piece of fine art by any number of renowned artists, or an arty photograph of Cindy Crawford nude... that, but the women I'm getting fixed up with are, egh! Not that they aren't nice, or that have great personalities, they just... They just lack a certain... Crawfordness.
17106 4 15 Night Out 2870 Oscar I am livid, Absolutely livid.
17107 4 15 Night Out 2870 Angela It's ridiculous.
17108 4 15 Night Out 2871 Ryan Yes, I'm having the Scranton branch come in on one Saturday so they can re-enter sales that they made on the phone as sales that were made by the website which they should have done in the first place, if the website had been working.
17109 4 15 Night Out 2872 Ryan My favorite branch. How's everybody doing?
17110 4 15 Night Out 2873 Jim Hey man, you mind if I run something by you?
17111 4 15 Night Out 2873 Ryan Love it. Go.
17112 4 15 Night Out 2873 Jim Well, I kinda feel like what we have going for us is our customer service, and no matter how we change this up, I don't know that a website's going to be able to replace that.
17113 4 15 Night Out 2873 Ryan I can tell you thought about this a lot, I appreciate that.
17114 4 15 Night Out 2873 Jim Thanks.
17115 4 15 Night Out 2873 Ryan David Wallace does too. You told him all about this at the Christmas party, right?
17116 4 15 Night Out 2873 Jim Did I? I don't...
17117 4 15 Night Out 2873 Ryan You did. Yeah.
17118 4 15 Night Out 2873 Jim Hmm.
17119 4 15 Night Out 2873 Ryan Watch your back Jim. I'm just kidding.
17120 4 15 Night Out 2874 Michael Ladies and Gentlemen, may I have your attention please. I know that a lot of you are very angry with Ryan because he is the reason we all have to come in tomorrow, however, I swear to God, If any of you hurts him in any way emotionally or taunts him or makes fun of his height or his half beard or...
17121 4 15 Night Out 2874 Ryan Ok thanks Michael.
17122 4 15 Night Out 2874 Michael Yeah.
17123 4 15 Night Out 2874 Ryan I'm here today to do some creative problem solving about Dunder Mifflin Infinity and field your questions.
17124 4 15 Night Out 2874 Dwight Question.
17125 4 15 Night Out 2874 Ryan Dwight.
17126 4 15 Night Out 2874 Dwight Why am I being forced to come in tomorrow and pretend that a website made sales that I made?
17127 4 15 Night Out 2874 Ryan This is a temporary measure to increase the legitimacy of the site.
17128 4 15 Night Out 2874 Stanley I don't like when my clients call me to help them use the website, I'm not seeing commissions on that.
17129 4 15 Night Out 2874 Ryan I hear you Stanley, that is a great observation. Problems like that will not happen when we launch Dunder Mifflin Infinity 2 point O.
17130 4 15 Night Out 2874 Stanley When will that be?
17131 4 15 Night Out 2874 Ryan TBD. Phyllis?
17132 4 15 Night Out 2874 Phyllis Did the police solve the problem with the...
17133 4 15 Night Out 2874 Ryan Yes, yes they did, yes they did.
17134 4 15 Night Out 2875 Ryan Yes, the social networking feature of the Dunder Mifflin Infinity website was infiltrated by sexual predators.
17135 4 15 Night Out 2876 Dwight I don't understand why our website has to have social networking at all.
17136 4 15 Night Out 2876 Jim Yeah, I actually have to agree with Dwight on that one.
17137 4 15 Night Out 2876 Ryan It's all about creating a one stop shop consumer experience, alright? You're chatting with your friends, you're talking about the latest music, about the election; all of it is happening in our virtual paper store.
17138 4 15 Night Out 2876 Jim And then an older gentleman asked you "Boxers or briefs?"
17139 4 15 Night Out 2876 Creed I don't get the big fuss here, I like the site.
17140 4 15 Night Out 2876 Kelly If I'd have created a website with as many problems, I'd kill myself.
17141 4 15 Night Out 2876 Ryan Do you have a question Kelly?
17142 4 15 Night Out 2876 Kelly Yeah I have a lot of questions. Number one, how dare you?
17143 4 15 Night Out 2876 Michael Ryan has done a very good job, and I am not applauding sarcastically. Think about it, a month ago nobody would go on this site because we were worried about getting molested, or losing our identity, having it stolen. But now, at a time TDB, all of the problems will be in the past. Ya done good kid, ya done good.
17144 4 15 Night Out 2877 Michael Well it has been nice seeing you again my friend.
17145 4 15 Night Out 2877 Ryan You too.
17146 4 15 Night Out 2877 Michael Oh Ryan, I need a girlfriend so bad.
17147 4 15 Night Out 2877 Ryan Michael let me go. Let me go Michael.
17148 4 15 Night Out 2877 Michael Argh. Alright. Do you know any girls in New York you might want to hook me up with? Some that might be interested in a guy like me.
17149 4 15 Night Out 2877 Ryan Na.
17150 4 15 Night Out 2877 Michael Na?
17151 4 15 Night Out 2877 Ryan Sorry man.
17152 4 15 Night Out 2877 Michael Well you tried.
17153 4 15 Night Out 2877 Ryan But seriously, you should see the girls I meet at clubs in the city.
17154 4 15 Night Out 2877 Michael Yeah.
17155 4 15 Night Out 2877 Ryan Unreal.
17156 4 15 Night Out 2877 Michael They sound great.
17157 4 15 Night Out 2877 Ryan Bye everyone. Stay real Scranton, alright. Peace.
17158 4 15 Night Out 2878 Michael Would you have s*x with Meredith?
17159 4 15 Night Out 2878 Jim What?
17160 4 15 Night Out 2878 Michael Do you think she'd keep it quiet?
17161 4 15 Night Out 2878 Jim I'm gonna go to my desk.
17162 4 15 Night Out 2878 Michael Jim, it's not the horniness, ok it's the loneliness that...
17163 4 15 Night Out 2878 Jim I know.
17164 4 15 Night Out 2878 Michael Let's go to New York. We'll go clubbing with Ryan.
17165 4 15 Night Out 2878 Jim I can't.
17166 4 15 Night Out 2878 Michael Yes you can, you're single, I'm single. It'll be awesome.
17167 4 15 Night Out 2878 Jim I'm not single.
17168 4 15 Night Out 2878 Michael Who you dating?
17169 4 15 Night Out 2878 Jim Pam.
17170 4 15 Night Out 2878 Michael That's still going on?
17171 4 15 Night Out 2879 Michael Ok, Dwight grab your stuff, we're going to New York to party with Ryan and to meet girls.
17172 4 15 Night Out 2879 Dwight Yeah!
17173 4 15 Night Out 2879 Andy Oh yes! Count me in dudes. I am in some serious need of some bro' time. Old ball and chain's been a lot more chain than ball lately if you know what I'm saying.
17174 4 15 Night Out 2879 Angela I'm right here.
17175 4 15 Night Out 2879 Dwight No, singles only, singles only. Also three is unlucky. Curse of three.
17176 4 15 Night Out 2879 Michael Sorry Andy. Cannot take any chances on curses, not tonight. Let's go. Everybody, I will see you tomorrow, Saturday morning, probably wearing the same clothes that I am wearing right now, If you catch my drift.
17177 4 15 Night Out 2879 Angela We get it.
17178 4 15 Night Out 2879 Michael I am going to go get laid. Goodbye.
17179 4 15 Night Out 2879 Dwight With s*x!
17180 4 15 Night Out 2879 Michael That's... I, I think that...
17181 4 15 Night Out 2880 Jim You know what? If we all stayed a couple of hours late tonight without Michael distracting us, we wouldn't have to come in at all tomorrow.
17182 4 15 Night Out 2881 Jim So I caught everyone before they left and I told them my idea, and they loved it. Because this is a group that respects good ideas... the one time a year they hear one.
17183 4 15 Night Out 2882 Michael Ryan's assistant told us that he would be at this club this evening. It is called Prerogative.
17184 4 15 Night Out 2883 Michael Place is packed.
17185 4 15 Night Out 2883 Dwight Fire hazard.
17186 4 15 Night Out 2883 Michael Packed with beautiful babies. Swingers. Classic. John Favreau, tall guy from DodgeBall.
17187 4 15 Night Out 2883 Dwight Women look like white slaves.
17188 4 15 Night Out 2883 Michael No, they're just hotties.
17189 4 15 Night Out 2884 Ryan I don't know man, when you think about it, Cabo's really the third world. I don't go to a place like that to see more poverty you know. You go there to get some glamour.
17190 4 15 Night Out 2884 Michael Hey.
17191 4 15 Night Out 2884 Ryan Michael.
17192 4 15 Night Out 2884 Michael Hey!
17193 4 15 Night Out 2884 Ryan What are you doing here?
17194 4 15 Night Out 2884 Michael Well you know, just taking you up on your offer to party, so tada.
17195 4 15 Night Out 2884 Ryan That is so awesome man!
17196 4 15 Night Out 2884 Michael Alright!
17197 4 15 Night Out 2884 Ryan And you brought this guy!
17198 4 15 Night Out 2884 Michael Yeah.
17199 4 15 Night Out 2884 Ryan Aww!
17200 4 15 Night Out 2884 Michael Ryan, it's Michael and Dwight.
17201 4 15 Night Out 2884 Ryan I know it's you guys.
17202 4 15 Night Out 2884 Michael Ok.
17203 4 15 Night Out 2884 Ryan I'm so psyched you're here!
17204 4 15 Night Out 2884 Michael Well.
17205 4 15 Night Out 2884 Ryan Woooo!
17206 4 15 Night Out 2884 Michael Alright!
17207 4 15 Night Out 2884 Ryan Let's get a drink.
17208 4 15 Night Out 2884 Michael Let's do it!
17209 4 15 Night Out 2885 Jim Thanks a lot guys, Good job.
17210 4 15 Night Out 2885 Kevin Later.
17211 4 15 Night Out 2885 Jim Nice job everybody. Great work.
17212 4 15 Night Out 2886 Stanley Did you not tell the security guard we were working late?
17213 4 15 Night Out 2886 Jim Nope. I didn't, but let's go inside and I can call him right now.
17214 4 15 Night Out 2886 Pam You can't, I locked the office from the inside when we left.
17215 4 15 Night Out 2886 Stanley Perfect, you guys worked together on this one. If I'm not in my bath with a glass of red wine in an hour, you're both dead.
17216 4 15 Night Out 2887 Pam There is a master key and a spare key for the office. Dwight has them both. When I asked, "What if you die Dwight, how will we get into the office?" He said, "If I'm dead, you guys have been dead for weeks."
17217 4 15 Night Out 2888 Ryan Guys, I want you to meet a really good friend of mine, this is Troy.
17218 4 15 Night Out 2888 Michael Hey, nice to meet you.
17219 4 15 Night Out 2888 Troy Hey, how ya doing?
17220 4 15 Night Out 2888 Dwight Hey, Dwight. You resemble a Tolkien character.
17221 4 15 Night Out 2888 Ryan Ah, he basically is man. He's a regular banking wizard.
17222 4 15 Night Out 2888 Dwight No, no, no. Not a wizard, a hobbit.
17223 4 15 Night Out 2888 Ryan Bottle service ya'll?
17224 4 15 Night Out 2888 Michael Oh ok, all I know is I would like some chicken fingers and a Midori Sour.
17225 4 15 Night Out 2888 Waitress We don't serve food here.
17226 4 15 Night Out 2888 Michael Oh ok, then just bring me two cups, one with olives and another filled with maraschino cherries.
17227 4 15 Night Out 2888 Dwight Do you live in a regular sized house?
17228 4 15 Night Out 2888 Ryan Yeah. He's a normal guy, he's cool.
17229 4 15 Night Out 2889 Jim You really don't have his phone number?
17230 4 15 Night Out 2889 Pam I told you, I have the number that rings here. Do you want that number?
17231 4 15 Night Out 2889 Toby I might have it in here.
17232 4 15 Night Out 2889 Pam Aw! That's great Toby.
17233 4 15 Night Out 2889 Toby It's so random that I have it.
17234 4 15 Night Out 2889 Pam Toby, you're the best.
17235 4 15 Night Out 2889 Toby When I put it in I thought it would be a waste of time, but I guess it was worth it.
17236 4 15 Night Out 2889 Jim Great, It's under here as Security Guard home. Did you not get his name? Or...
17237 4 15 Night Out 2889 Toby No.
17238 4 15 Night Out 2889 Jim It's ringing. Does anybody have his name? Quick.
17239 4 15 Night Out 2889 Andy Yes, it's Eddie.
17240 4 15 Night Out 2889 Jim It's not, it's not Eddie, it's ah, Evan or...
17241 4 15 Night Out 2889 Creed Hank, his name is Hank.
17242 4 15 Night Out 2889 Jim No guys his name's not Hank, it's ah, is it Edgar?
17243 4 15 Night Out 2889 Phyllis Elliot.
17244 4 15 Night Out 2889 Oscar Elliot!
17245 4 15 Night Out 2889 Jim Is it Elliot? Hey ch... chief, this is Jim Halpert from um... where you work. You're the guy who sits behind the desk... you're, you're the, the Afri... African-American guy, I mean you're. Ah... Who, Who've I got here?
17246 4 15 Night Out 2890 Ryan Dwight Schrute man. How's Schrute Farms?
17247 4 15 Night Out 2890 Dwight Good.
17248 4 15 Night Out 2890 Ryan This guy owns his own beet farm.
17249 4 15 Night Out 2890 Troy Insane.
17250 4 15 Night Out 2890 Dwight Well it's weevil season but we were prepared.
17251 4 15 Night Out 2890 Ryan Weevils, what a crazy word man. What? I don't even know what that means. What does that mean?
17252 4 15 Night Out 2890 Dwight They lay their eggs inside the unripe beet root, then come spring time the babies eat their way out.
17253 4 15 Night Out 2890 Ryan Crazy. That's too much for me man, I'm gonna hit the bathroom.
17254 4 15 Night Out 2890 Dwight You've already been several times.
17255 4 15 Night Out 2890 Ryan Yeah.
17256 4 15 Night Out 2890 Dwight Maybe you have some kinda bladder infection.
17257 4 15 Night Out 2890 Ryan I don't know, maybe.
17258 4 15 Night Out 2890 Dwight I'll order you some cranberry juice.
17259 4 15 Night Out 2890 Ryan With vodka, you're the best.
17260 4 15 Night Out 2890 Dwight Do you have powers?
17261 4 15 Night Out 2891 Jim Oh thank you Hank. You are a lifesaver, Hank. Appreciate it. Alright, so Hank is gonna come down here and he's gonna let us all out. He said it should just be under an hour, so... we did it.
17262 4 15 Night Out 2891 Oscar We should all make sure to give him a big tip this Christmas.
17263 4 15 Night Out 2891 Toby Sorry guys, but I don't think I tipped him for last year's.
17264 4 15 Night Out 2891 Angela Yeah, neither did I.
17265 4 15 Night Out 2891 Phyllis Jim was supposed to collect it.
17266 4 15 Night Out 2891 Jim Yup...
17267 4 15 Night Out 2891 Kevin Way to go, man.
17268 4 15 Night Out 2891 Kelly Now he's never gonna come.
17269 4 15 Night Out 2891 Andy By a show of hands, who thinks we're a better couple than Jim and Pam?
17270 4 15 Night Out 2891 Pam Phyllis.
17271 4 15 Night Out 2892 Michael I umm, thought about getting a tattoo on my back as well at one point. I was thinking about getting "Back to the Future." "Back" because it's on my back and "Future" because I'm the kind of guy who likes to look ahead into the future. I just think a tattoo should mean something, you know? And it's my second favorite movie.
17272 4 15 Night Out 2892 Girl in Club I've never heard of that movie.
17273 4 15 Night Out 2892 Michael Back to the Future? Oh, wow. Well you should take a, a film education course.
17274 4 15 Night Out 2892 Girl in Club How old are you?
17275 4 15 Night Out 2892 Michael Forty... I'm in my forties.
17276 4 15 Night Out 2892 Girl in Club Wow. That's so cool.
17277 4 15 Night Out 2892 Michael Nuhh...
17278 4 15 Night Out 2892 Girl in Club Well I'm gonna go back to my group now.
17279 4 15 Night Out 2892 Michael Oh, OK.
17280 4 15 Night Out 2892 Girl in Club Thanks for the drink.
17281 4 15 Night Out 2892 Michael You are welcome.
17282 4 15 Night Out 2893 Michael This place is like sexy pre-school.
17283 4 15 Night Out 2893 Ryan Did you want a place where we could meet older women?
17284 4 15 Night Out 2893 Ryan Hell yeah. I'll hook it up.
17285 4 15 Night Out 2893 Michael Ahh, wow. That's dangerous.
17286 4 15 Night Out 2894 Ryan Check again, Ryan Howard.
17287 4 15 Night Out 2894 Dwight Excuse me.
17288 4 15 Night Out 2894 Tall Girl #1 Yeah?
17289 4 15 Night Out 2894 Dwight How did you all find each other?
17290 4 15 Night Out 2894 Tall Girl #1 Uh, we're the Jersey State Varsity Basketball team. Northeast Regional Champs.
17291 4 15 Night Out 2894 All Girls Wooo!
17292 4 15 Night Out 2894 Dwight Amazons.
17293 4 15 Night Out 2894 Ryan It's off. It's not the dude I know. It's some other loser who won't let us in without chicks.
17294 4 15 Night Out 2894 Michael You're kidding.
17295 4 15 Night Out 2894 Ryan Let's bail.
17296 4 15 Night Out 2894 Dwight Ok, wai, wai, wai, wait, wait. You two, Jersey State girls, let's go.
17297 4 15 Night Out 2894 Tall Girl #2 We're not going unless we can all go.
17298 4 15 Night Out 2894 Dwight OK. You know what, fine. Let's go, two girls to a guy. Come on, let's do it. C'mon, Ryan. Move out. OK, three or four with him . Let's go, c'mon. Here we go.
17299 4 15 Night Out 2895 Toby Hey, look what I found in the back. Wanna play? Teach you to throw.
17300 4 15 Night Out 2895 Pam I know how to throw a football.
17301 4 15 Night Out 2895 Toby Course you do.
17302 4 15 Night Out 2895 Andy Yeah, Pam! Hit me up! Go long. Woo!
17303 4 15 Night Out 2895 Meredith Owww!
17304 4 15 Night Out 2895 Kevin Oh God.
17305 4 15 Night Out 2896 Bartender There you go.
17306 4 15 Night Out 2896 Dwight Wait, wait a minute, what's this, I didn't order this?
17307 4 15 Night Out 2896 Bartender It's for you. From them.
17308 4 15 Night Out 2896 Dwight Oh.
17309 4 15 Night Out 2896 Troy What are you doing man?
17310 4 15 Night Out 2896 Dwight It's not safe. Anything could have been in there. Nice try.
17311 4 15 Night Out 2897 Michael I've never met anyone who does that. You wash dogs? Very cool.
17312 4 15 Night Out 2897 Girl in 2nd club That's one aspect of small pet grooming. What do you do?
17313 4 15 Night Out 2897 Michael I am a bank teller.
17314 4 15 Night Out 2898 Michael Ryan told me to always tell women you work in finance.
17315 4 15 Night Out 2899 Girl in 2nd club Cool.
17316 4 15 Night Out 2899 Michael I think so.
17317 4 15 Night Out 2899 Girl in 2nd club Yeah.
17318 4 15 Night Out 2899 Michael Yeah, I have fun.
17319 4 15 Night Out 2899 Girl in 2nd club I'm just gonna just use the powder room.
17320 4 15 Night Out 2899 Michael All right.
17321 4 15 Night Out 2899 Girl in 2nd club So I'll see ya soon.
17322 4 15 Night Out 2899 Michael Very perfect. Oh my This needs to be shared.
17323 4 15 Night Out 2900 Michael She washes dogs.
17324 4 15 Night Out 2900 Ryan You're doing it man.
17325 4 15 Night Out 2900 Michael I know. I don't wanna get ahead of myself, but I think I want her to meet my mom.
17326 4 15 Night Out 2900 Ryan Hey man, you ever think there's gonna be this massive nuclear holocaust, and after all the major nations are destroyed they'll just be the tribes in the jungle that rise up and survive? The jungle war fare's gonna rule the world?
17327 4 15 Night Out 2900 Michael Yeah, maybe.
17328 4 15 Night Out 2900 Ryan It's inevitable, right?
17329 4 15 Night Out 2900 Michael Hmm...
17330 4 15 Night Out 2901 Jim Please don't pick up, please don't pick up, please don't pick up.
17331 4 15 Night Out 2901 Hank Hello?
17332 4 15 Night Out 2901 Jim Haaank. Is that you?
17333 4 15 Night Out 2901 Hank Yeah.
17334 4 15 Night Out 2901 Jim Still haven't left the house yet, huh?
17335 4 15 Night Out 2901 Hank I'll get ready to leave.
17336 4 15 Night Out 2901 Jim Good. Please hurry.
17337 4 15 Night Out 2901 Hank Stop calling me so I can put on my damn socks!
17338 4 15 Night Out 2901 Jim Will do. I'll stop calling.
17339 4 15 Night Out 2902 Michael I am. I am getting out there. Well, no I've asked a lot of girls to dance mom. They're just, it's not... Yes, I shaved above my neck. Oh my God, mom, I gotta go. One of my friends is getting beaten up by some girls.
17340 4 15 Night Out 2903 Pam Actually, it's kind of too bad we're not coming into work tomorrow.
17341 4 15 Night Out 2903 Oscar Why?
17342 4 15 Night Out 2903 Pam I bet Michael had some elaborate theme party planned, like Scrambled Egg Saturday.
17343 4 15 Night Out 2903 Toby More like "Everyone let's get your boss laid Saturday." I have an announcement uh, to make. I am moving to Costa Rica. Thought about it for a long time now. And I'm finally gonna do it. So, I'm just gonna hop the fence and jog home now.
17344 4 15 Night Out 2904 Michael Those girls really wailed on you bad.
17345 4 15 Night Out 2904 Ryan Why wouldn't they let me dance?
17346 4 15 Night Out 2904 Michael Well...
17347 4 15 Night Out 2904 Troy OK I gotta go. Do not take him to a hospital.
17348 4 15 Night Out 2904 Michael Pretty weird.
17349 4 15 Night Out 2904 Tall Girl #1 You have to go with me.
17350 4 15 Night Out 2904 Dwight I do, I have to go.
17351 4 15 Night Out 2904 Tall Girl #1 Stay. Stay, please?
17352 4 15 Night Out 2904 Dwight No, I have to go. Good luck against Conn College, alright?
17353 4 15 Night Out 2904 Tall Girl #1 Call me.
17354 4 15 Night Out 2904 Dwight Uh huh. I'm not gonna call her.
17355 4 15 Night Out 2904 Michael Let's go.
17356 4 15 Night Out 2904 Ryan I don't wanna go back in.
17357 4 15 Night Out 2904 Michael I know, here we go.
17358 4 15 Night Out 2905 Jim Cleaning people. Oscar. OK, so all you need to do is explain to them what happened, 'cause I think they can help us.
17359 4 15 Night Out 2905 Oscar Why are you assuming they only speak Spanish?
17360 4 15 Night Out 2905 Jim I... just... if they speak Spanish.
17361 4 15 Night Out 2905 Oscar Good evening, we locked ourselves in. Nosotros trabajamos aqui, nos trancamos, OK?
17362 4 15 Night Out 2905 Cleaning lady Ohh...
17363 4 15 Night Out 2905 Jim Lucky us.
17364 4 15 Night Out 2906 Ryan This is a one time thing, you know that right?
17365 4 15 Night Out 2906 Dwight Wow.
17366 4 15 Night Out 2906 Michael This is it.
17367 4 15 Night Out 2906 Dwight All right.
17368 4 15 Night Out 2906 Michael This is where the magic happens.
17369 4 15 Night Out 2906 Dwight Nice.
17370 4 15 Night Out 2906 Michael Very nice.
17371 4 15 Night Out 2906 Ryan One of you guys can have the sofa, and one of you guys can have...
17372 4 15 Night Out 2906 Dwight I got sofa. I got sofa.
17373 4 15 Night Out 2906 Michael Dwight, I'm the boss.
17374 4 15 Night Out 2906 Dwight I got floor.
17375 4 15 Night Out 2906 Michael Case anyone needs to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I don't wannna get my head stepped on.
17376 4 15 Night Out 2906 Dwight Do you want me to sing you a song my mother used to sing me, when we were sick?
17377 4 15 Night Out 2906 Ryan No.
17378 4 15 Night Out 2906 Michael Dwight, shh shh. Dwight. Leave him alone.
17379 4 15 Night Out 2906 Dwight It's a lullaby.
17380 4 15 Night Out 2906 Michael Shh. Ryan, Ryan, we're going to take your clothes off.
17381 4 15 Night Out 2906 Ryan No. Guys, I think my friend Troy might have a drug problem. What do I do?
17382 4 15 Night Out 2906 Dwight I think his species might have a higher tolerance than ours.
17383 4 15 Night Out 2906 Michael Shh, just stop. Here's what you do. You tell him that you're his friend and that you're gonna help him and that everyone's gonna be all right. And then you put a wire on him and you find out who's selling him drugs and then you get that guy and you flip up, turn him into a snitch. You follow that guy to the people who's really really bad. Been watching The Wire recently. I don't understand a word of it.
17384 4 15 Night Out 2906 Ryan Guys, I'm going to sleep. You can leave the light on if you want, but please stop talking, OK?
17385 4 15 Night Out 2906 Dwight OK. Good night Ryan.
17386 4 15 Night Out 2906 Michael Best night ever.
17387 4 15 Night Out 2907 Michael Like I said, it's not about the horniness, it's about the loneliness. And how can I be lonely with my boys? Like a famous person once said, Boys on the side. But I don't, I disagree, I say... let's hear it for the boys.
17388 4 15 Night Out 2908 Hank Son of a bitch.
17389 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Michael Everybody! Everybody! Listen up, I need your ideas, now! Ideas please, right now! Go! Go! Come on!
17390 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Pam Michael we don't know what you're talking about...
17391 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Michael Wet cement, outside. It's drying fast, come on. This is a lifelong dream. What do I write? What do I write?
17392 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Kevin Michael you could put your initials in it.
17393 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Michael M.G.S.? No. Some idiot named Mark Greg Sputnik will claim credit for it. I don't...
17394 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Jim Yeah that's true.
17395 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Michael Once in a lifetime opportunity people! Come on, here we go!
17396 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Phyllis We-- we--
17397 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Michael Here we go!
17398 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Phyllis Well--
17399 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Michael Let's, yes?
17400 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Phyllis When I was a little girl...
17401 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Michael Okay... Okay, do it! Go on! Great! Let's hear it!
17402 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Phyllis We-we found some wet cement in the park...
17403 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Michael It's drying, it's drying...
17404 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Phyllis In our neighborhood...
17405 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Michael Alright, hablbelah, come on, Phyl!
17406 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Phyllis What did we write?
17407 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Michael Ahh come on!
17408 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Andy Here it is, you should draw a picture...
17409 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Michael No!
17410 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Andy Cause that says, that says...
17411 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Michael No!
17412 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Andy So much more than words...
17413 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Michael No!! Come on, gimme something good!
17414 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Kelly Ok, ok, I was watching E!, and I saw Will Smith outside the Chinese Theater, and omhmygod, he looked so good...
17415 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Michael Pam, translate.
17416 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Pam She's talking about the handprints that celebrities make in the cement.
17417 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Michael I love it!
17418 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Jim If you were a real star you would put your face in it.
17419 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Michael I love it more!
17420 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Oscar Michael that doesn't seem... safe.
17421 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Michael I... love it!! Haha, come on!
17422 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2909 Dwight Come on!
17423 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2910 Jim We are here today, not to immortalize a man, but an idea... Maybe the idea of a man.
17424 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2910 Michael Hurry, please.
17425 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2910 Jim Greatness is only skin deep, some people say...
17426 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2910 Dwight Can you breathe?
17427 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2910 Jim Well that's not true. Other people believe it's deeper inside...
17428 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2910 Dwight Hold your breath.
17429 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2910 Jim And in this case...
17430 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2910 Dwight Ready?
17431 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2910 Jim That's also not true.
17432 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2910 Dwight And... go. Force it in as deep as you can.
17433 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2910 Michael That's what she said.
17434 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2911 Michael Today is a very special day for me. And it's really not about me, it's about my grandkids, it's about my great grandkids... I can come back here when I'm 100, and I can find that piece of cement and say, "That's me. Look kids, your daddy left that face hole..." I dunno, it's a good feeling.
17435 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2912 Andy Okay, adjective...
17436 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2912 Angela Um... tall. No, no, uh, nice.
17437 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2912 Andy Good one. Okay, you ready?
17438 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2912 Angela Mmhmm.
17439 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2912 Andy The tall man entered the nice building to visit a very nice man. "Sit down, Mr. Smith, can I interest you in any good... cat food?"
17440 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2912 Angela It's a man eating cat food.
17441 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2912 Andy What about a cat eating man food?
17442 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2913 Dwight Andy and Angela seem very happy... I hope nothing horrible ever happens to them.
17443 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2914 Pam Um... yeah, I slept over at a, uh, friend's house and, I forgot my contact solution, so... I had to wear my backup glasses... Shut up.
17444 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2915 Michael All right, everybody... Oh my God, Pam, those make you look so ugly. Um, Pam, in order to get hotter, you take the glasses off. You're moving in the wrong direction...
17445 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2915 Pam I don't have my contacts...
17446 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2915 Michael Ub, dub dah, don't need, I can't even hear you. It's just noise coming out of an ugly scientist. Um, everybody, we're going to have a little brainstorming session in the conference room.
17447 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2916 Michael Ener-gize...
17448 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2916 Jim You know what would energize me? If you, Pamela Morgan Beesly...
17449 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2916 Pam Don't, don't--
17450 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2916 Jim Would...
17451 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2916 Pam If you propose to me during a Michael meeting, I will say no.
17452 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2916 Jim Well, it's too late, because I'm proposing... that you get me a cup of coffee, which would energize me greatly, and make me the happiest man in the world.
17453 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2916 Michael Everybody, so how are we going to energize our office? I mean, I haven't done anything since Christmas. Pam, clearly, has just given up trying. So what we need to do is we get things going, we need to get percolating a little bit. Anybody have any ideas of what we could do. Any suggestions? Yes, Andy?
17454 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2916 Andy What if we changed our outgoing answering machine message, so it just had a little more... zing, and a little more pep?
17455 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2916 Michael Zing and pep, see that's those are the kind of words we're looking for. Yes, Jim?
17456 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2916 Jim What about if we did an even newer voicemail message that had even more zing and pep?
17457 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2916 Michael Now we're cooking. I like this. Maybe a whole theme, like a rap. A rap rhyme...
17458 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2916 Jim An urban thing...
17459 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2916 Michael An urban, yeah, Stanley? You wanna help us out with that?... Stanley, earth to Stanley...
17460 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2916 Stanley Not me.
17461 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2916 Michael Yes you. Come on, Stanley, put your little game down and join the group.
17462 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2916 Stanley No.
17463 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2916 Michael Stanley, we're havin a little...
17464 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2916 Stanley Leave me alone, dammit.
17465 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2916 Michael We're havin a little brainstorm session...
17466 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2916 Stanley DID I STUTTER?
17467 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2916 Michael ...Good, this is good. I'm going to grab a glass of water.
17468 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2917 Toby Can I talk to you a second?
17469 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2917 Michael Ugh, what?
17470 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2917 Toby Uh, I really think that you need to address what happened with Stanley this morning...
17471 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2917 Michael What are you blabbering about? Nothing happened.
17472 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2917 Toby Well, you know, Stanley was openly insubordinate.
17473 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2917 Michael That? In the conference room?
17474 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2917 Toby Yeah.
17475 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2917 Michael We were joshin around, the two of us, and he said "did I stutter," and I said "wha-wha-wha-wha-what, dawg?" It was joking, Toby, alright?
17476 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2917 Toby He didn't seem like he was joking.
17477 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2917 Michael Well you don't get it, because Stanley is a beautiful, sassy, powerful black man, and you're... you. If you had any friends, you would understand. Friends joke with one another: "Hey um, you're poor." "Well hey, you're mama's dead." That's what friends do. It's... you're so white.
17478 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2917 Toby Alright... Well, um, if you really believe that Stanley was joking...
17479 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2917 Michael Mmhmm.
17480 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2917 Toby Um, why don't you go ask him that?
17481 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2917 Michael Okay, I will... I'm not feeling very well right now though. My stomach hurts, so I may be going home early today, but...
17482 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2917 Toby You know, Michael, sometimes my daughter's stomach hurts when there's a mean girl at school...
17483 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2917 Michael Well sometimes my stomach hurts when you come into my office, so it's probably psychological.
17484 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2918 Andy You meet a lot of ladies driving an Xterra, because you pull up to a stoplight, and look over and there's an Xterra next to you. They're always driven by chicks, so there's your icebreaker.
17485 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2919 Dwight Unh! Scratch.
17486 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2919 Andy That's a racing stripe.
17487 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2919 Dwight Uh, bumper's sagging.
17488 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2919 Andy Mmm, I doubt that very much.
17489 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2919 Dwight This car's crap. I will buy it for next to nothing.
17490 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2919 Andy How next to?
17491 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2919 Dwight Well, here are your options: you can sell it for parts, drive it off a cliff... you can donate it to a person that you'd like to see die in a car crash, or, you can sell it to me, and I'll use it as I would a wagon on my farm. It will be towed by a donkey.
17492 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2919 Andy I have to pick one of those?
17493 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2919 Dwight Yes.
17494 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2919 Andy Can you go over those options again?
17495 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2919 Dwight You know what? You knock $1500 of the price right now, and I will take it off your hands. It's gotta be now.
17496 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2919 Andy Well I have the, the blue book value...
17497 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2919 Dwight Seal the deal. Let's do it. Let's do this thing. Three, two, one--
17498 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2919 Andy Can I think about it?
17499 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2919 Dwight Five, four, three, two...
17500 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2919 Andy Let me think about it--
17501 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2919 Dwight Now. Now. Now.
17502 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2919 Andy Let me think about it--
17503 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2919 Dwight Say it. Do it. Now.
17504 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2919 Andy I'm thinking about it--
17505 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2919 Dwight Do it now.
17506 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2919 Andy Thinking--
17507 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2919 Dwight Do it. Shake my hand. You will sell me this car. Shake my hand.
17508 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2919 Andy Yeah. All right!
17509 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2920 Stanley What.
17510 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2920 Michael I, uh, see that you... gave me that form that I asked you to give me, Stanley the manly, so thank you for that. I guess we are back to normal.
17511 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2920 Stanley What are you talking about?
17512 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2920 Michael Well, you know, uh, the thing that you said earlier, that you didn't mean, um, and that I forgive you for. The whole thing's silly, isn't it? Friends don't need to apologize to friends as far as I'm concerned, so we are cool.
17513 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2920 Stanley I am not going to apologize to you.
17514 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2921 Stanley It's like I used to tell my wife, I do not apologize unless I think I'm wrong, and if you don't like it you can leave. And I say the same thing to my current wife, and I'll say it to my next one too.
17515 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2922 Dwight Jim is in charge of Stanley only in sales-related matters, hence the green line--green for money-sales, get it?
17516 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2922 Michael Uh huh...
17517 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2922 Dwight There is this yellow zigzag that does give Ryan the authority to discipline Stanley...
17518 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2922 Michael Great
17519 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2922 Dwight However, in so doing, it zigs past your name, hence zagging you and making you appear weak. Thus the yellow color. Yellow for cowardly.
17520 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2922 Michael What's the pink?
17521 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2922 Dwight Menstrual cycles.
17522 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2922 Michael Ok... Is there anybody up here, anybody at all, that can deal with this?
17523 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2922 Dwight You.
17524 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2922 Michael Other than me.
17525 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2922 Dwight Well, there is the emergency disaster mode for the org chart. This gives me full authority over every single person in the office.
17526 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2922 Michael I never said you could do that.
17527 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2922 Dwight All you have to do it say it.
17528 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2922 Michael I...
17529 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2922 Dwight Just say it.
17530 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2922 Michael Okay, I will think about it.
17531 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2922 Dwight Say it. Just do it. Don't think, say it. Do it. Five, four, three, two... do it. Give me control. Michael... I promise to give authority back to you when this crisis is over. Do it, Michael. Do it. Hey, this office needs a strong man. Say it.
17532 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2922 Michael No.
17533 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2922 Dwight So... All right, well, you're gonna have to deal with this yourself.
17534 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2923 Kevin Hey Pam, I really like your glasses.
17535 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2923 Pam Oh, thanks.
17536 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2923 Kevin All the girlfriends that I've ever had have worn glasses.
17537 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2923 Pam Oh, okay...
17538 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2923 Kevin Yeah, it's kind of a turn-on for me actually...
17539 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2923 Pam I should probably get back to...
17540 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2923 Kevin Like librarians.
17541 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2923 Pam Entering the....
17542 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2923 Kevin Could you just say, "these are due back Thursday"?
17543 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2923 Pam No. Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Okay, go ahead.
17544 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2924 Creed A lot of jazz cats are blind, but they can play the piano like nobody's business. I'd like to put the piano in front of Pam without her glasses and see what happens. I'd also like to see her topless.
17545 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2925 Darryl Mike.
17546 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2925 Michael Hey.
17547 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2925 Darryl I'm very busy here, man.
17548 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2925 Michael Darryl, have you ever been in a gang?
17549 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2925 Darryl Why?
17550 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2925 Michael It's an advice question, and if you don't wanna talk about it, I completely understand. It's, um...
17551 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2925 Darryl No, no, no...
17552 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2925 Michael I know, it's very, very personal...
17553 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2925 Darryl No, um... I have.
17554 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2925 Michael I knew it. Okay, who we talking about here? Crips? Bloods?
17555 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2925 Darryl Both.
17556 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2925 Michael God.
17557 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2925 Darryl Yeah them, and the Latin Kings... the Warriors...
17558 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2925 Michael Okay.
17559 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2925 Darryl Newsies.
17560 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2925 Michael Okay, so dig this: you're on the street, and one of your gang disses you.
17561 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2925 Darryl Oh my goodness.
17562 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2925 Michael Yeah, right, so what do you do to get them to make it right?
17563 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2925 Darryl Well see, um... in the gang world, we use something called Fluffy Fingers.
17564 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2925 Michael What is that?
17565 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2925 Darryl That's when somebody really gets in your face, you know, you just... start tickling them.
17566 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2925 Michael Really?
17567 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2925 Darryl Yeah, and then he starts tickling you. You know, pretty soon you're laughing and hugging. Before you know it, you've forgotten the whole thing. Ya'll can just go to church together... get an ice cream cone.
17568 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2925 Michael I would've never thought that gangs would be tickling each other.
17569 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2925 Darryl Well, it's effective.
17570 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2926 Ryan I think it's self-explanatory. Hey, Jim, come here for a second. Can you answer me something, as, as a true Eagles fan?
17571 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2926 Jim Oh boy...
17572 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2926 Ryan How do you live with a franchise this bad?
17573 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2926 Jim On a wing and a prayer, mostly.
17574 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2926 Ryan Alright, whatever you say. Uh, listen, while I have you here with Toby, I need to give you a formal warning about your job performance.
17575 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2926 Jim A formal warning...
17576 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2926 Ryan It's actually not a joke. I know how you spend your time here, and I know how little you care about your job. And honestly if you spent as much time selling as you do goofing around with Dwight and hanging out at reception, we wouldn't be having this conversation.
17577 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2926 Jim I'm sorry, is, is this because I talked to Wallace about your website? Because I really didn't mean to go over your head.
17578 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2926 Ryan This is nothing to do with that, alright? I always appreciate constructive criticism about my job performance. I thrive on it.
17579 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2926 Jim I'm sorry, then do you mind explaining a little better? Cause I'm not sure what's really...
17580 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2926 Ryan Woah, don't get all defensive, alright? It's just a warning. If you want the details, Toby can provide them. You take it easy, alright?
17581 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2927 Toby I'd say all the goofing around at Pam's desk, and, and hanging out with Pam, has finally caught up to him... w-with Pam
17582 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2928 Pam Hey, what happened? What did Ryan want?
17583 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2928 Jim Oh we were just... talking about, bureaucratic stuff...
17584 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2928 Pam Because you're very important?
17585 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2928 Jim Yeah...
17586 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2929 Dwight Rocka doopa deepa do POW! Shacka do DO! Oh! What's Dwight up to? Oh probably nothing. Racka do do dee do-do do-do! Sha-KA!
17587 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2930 Andy What the hell is this all about? You're flipping my car for profit.
17588 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2930 Dwight It's my car now.
17589 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2930 Andy I gave you a deal... based on what you said to me.
17590 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2930 Dwight Yeah, well... seller beware. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to monitor a three-way bidding war for my car on eBay.
17591 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2931 Dwight I've got a Madlib for you: a stupid, idiotic, numbskull named Andy Bernard sold his Xterra to a smart and capable man named Dwight. This is shaping up to be an awesome day for Dwight.
17592 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2932 Michael Okay, everybody, shh! So, earlier today, Stanley sassed me, and Toby gave me some suggestions on how to discipline him. They did not work, obviously, because they were stupid, so I am now going to fake fire him.
17593 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2932 Pam What does that mean?
17594 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2932 Michael It's like a mock execution.
17595 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2932 Jim That's not a good idea.
17596 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2932 Michael Yes it is a good idea. It's the only possible solution I have left.
17597 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2932 Toby Well, you can actually fire him.
17598 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2932 Michael No, okay... I've had enough of you.
17599 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2932 Oscar Why are you telling us this?
17600 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2932 Michael Because I want you to behave as if I'm actually firing him, Oscar, okay?
17601 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2932 Kevin Michael, if you hadn't told us this, then we would've thought that you were actually firing him.
17602 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2932 Michael I'm not firing him. I'm not, I need you to act like I am firing him. Just, what I'm going to do, is I'm going to pretend that I am firing him, and I need you to act like I am firing him. Do you get that? Do you get it? I'm teaching him a lesson. He needs to learn humility, alright? That's all I'm, okay, here he comes. Let's just... play act. Stanley, may I talk to you for a second?
17603 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2933 Michael Stanley Hudson, you are fired.
17604 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2933 Stanley Are you serious?
17605 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2933 Michael I am serious, we are all serious. You are fired like a heart attack.
17606 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2933 Stanley You're firing me over three words. Have you lost your mind? Do you think I'm gonna let you do this to me?
17607 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2933 Michael Hmm.
17608 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2933 Stanley I've watched you screw up this office for ten years, and I'm filing a lawsuit, and I'm gonna tell them about every stupid thing you've ever done up in this office.
17609 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2933 Michael Alright alright, okay, you know what? Now you know how I feel. This was a fake firing. Lesson learned. Good work, everybody. Very nice.
17610 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2933 Stanley So I'm not fired.
17611 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2933 Michael That's it. And uh... do you have anything to say to me?
17612 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2933 Stanley Oh yes, I do. You are out of your damn, little pea-sized, mind. What is wrong with you? Do you have any sense? At all?
17613 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2933 Michael Okay...
17614 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2933 Stanley Do you have any idea how to run an office?
17615 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2933 Michael Yes.
17616 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2933 Stanley Every day you do something stupider than you did the day before.
17617 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2933 Michael That's not-
17618 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2933 Stanley And I think, "there's no possible way--
17619 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2933 Michael All right, all right...
17620 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2933 Stanley He can top that."
17621 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2933 Michael Okay.
17622 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2933 Stanley But what do you do?! You find a way, dammit, to top it! You are professional idiot!
17623 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2933 Michael Hey, STOP IT! Okay, everybody out.
17624 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2933 Jim Who?
17625 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2933 Michael Everybody, except Stanley.
17626 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2933 Jim Let's go.
17627 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2933 Pam I can't find my glasses.
17628 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2933 Jim Okay, you know what? Why don't you take my hand, and leave them, and let's get out of here.
17629 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2933 Pam Okay, okay.
17630 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2934 Kevin It's Michael versus Stanley, and it is the clash of the titans. In one corner, you have Michael, and he is mad. And then, in the other corner, you have Stanley, and he's mad. So that's about it!
17631 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2935 Michael I don't understand why you keep picking on me.
17632 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2935 Stanley Oh, for the love of God.
17633 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2935 Michael You just, do, and I don't know why, so... please help me understand.
17634 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2935 Stanley Fine. Here it is: you are a person I do not respect. The things you say, your actions, your methods, and style. Everything you would do, I would do it the opposite way.
17635 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2935 Michael Well Stanley, maybe you're feeling that you don't respect me because you don't know me very well.
17636 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2935 Stanley Michael I have known you a very long time, and the more I've gotten to know you, the less I've come to respect you. Any other theories?
17637 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2935 Michael All right, you don't respect me. I accept that. But listen to me, you can't talk to me that way in this office, you just can't. I am your boss. Can't allow it.
17638 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2935 Stanley Fair enough.
17639 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2936 Michael I am good person, and sometimes, good people don't get no respect. Rodney Dangerfield. Hey, I don't get no respect. No respect at all. When I was in the sandbox as a kid, I got not respect. My wife likes to talk after s*x, so she called me from a hotel room, and said, "I don't respect you!" Ahh, thoughtless. Aw, you know what don't get no respect? Airplane food. Why don't they just make the plane out of the airline food? My wife don't get no respect, some--take her, please, for example. If you don't get no respect, you might be redneck. Respect is niiice. Borat. What's the deal with Grapenuts? No grapes, no nuts. I don't get no respect!
17640 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2937 Michael So I'm thinking, as a reward for our loyal clients, that we contact their assistants, and we find out where they live. And then, we go to their houses, in the middle of the summer, and go caroling. It is a summer Christmas sale-abration. And we call it, a summer sales-a-lot. Feedback? Anybody? Stanley?
17641 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2937 Stanley Has potential to be your best idea yet.
17642 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2937 Phyllis That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.
17643 4 16 Did I Stutter? 2937 Michael Dammit, Phyllis. Alright, everybody out except Phyllis.
17644 4 17 Job Fair 2938 Michael Hey. Ready? Come on, show me excited!
17645 4 17 Job Fair 2938 Oscar Yes.
17646 4 17 Job Fair 2938 Michael Yeah, I'm pretty excited too.
17647 4 17 Job Fair 2939 Michael Today I'm heading over to the job fair at Valley View High School, to find some new interns. Want to get some fresh blood. Um, euthanize this place.
17648 4 17 Job Fair 2940 Darryl Hey, are we doing this thing?
17649 4 17 Job Fair 2940 Michael Yup.
17650 4 17 Job Fair 2940 Kelly Oh my God, Darryl, you look like Barack Obama. Everybody I'm dating Barack Obama!
17651 4 17 Job Fair 2940 Michael Why are you dressed like that?
17652 4 17 Job Fair 2940 Darryl Like what?
17653 4 17 Job Fair 2940 Michael Like you're applying for a loan.
17654 4 17 Job Fair 2940 Dwight Maybe he's going to church. Or court.
17655 4 17 Job Fair 2940 Darryl Figured I look presentable. You? Went a different way.
17656 4 17 Job Fair 2940 Pam I think you look nice.
17657 4 17 Job Fair 2940 Michael, Darryl Thank you.
17658 4 17 Job Fair 2940 Michael Okay, here's what we're going to do: I'm going to instruct the kids about management and sales. Oscar will be in charge of accounting. Pam will be eye candy. No... uh, also, because that is your alma mater. Darryl will hire some kids for the warehouse. We don't have to worry about internships with them, because they definitely ain't going to college.
17659 4 17 Job Fair 2940 Darryl What college did you go to Mike?
17660 4 17 Job Fair 2940 Michael Let's go!
17661 4 17 Job Fair 2941 Jim Today, I am meeting a potential client on the golf course, because Ryan put me on probation. You remember Ryan, he was the temp here. Yeah. And uh, it is not a good time for me to lose my job. Since I have some pretty big long term plans in my personal life with Pam, that I'd like her parents to be psyched about. So I am about to do something very bold at this job that I've never done before. Try.
17662 4 17 Job Fair 2942 Phil Whoa!
17663 4 17 Job Fair 2942 Jim Mr. Maguire, it's been a couple of years.
17664 4 17 Job Fair 2942 Phil Hey Jim, how are you, nice to see you man.
17665 4 17 Job Fair 2942 Andy Oh no! No, no-no-no-no! My grandfather would be spinning in his urn, if he knew that I was out here with a Dartmouth boy. You take that shirt off right now or I will take it off for you, sir. I am... totally and completely kidding! Andrew Bernard, Cornell '95.
17666 4 17 Job Fair 2942 Phil Phil Maguire, Dartmouth, '74
17667 4 17 Job Fair 2942 Andy Oop, got some blisties.
17668 4 17 Job Fair 2942 Phil Yeah, you do.
17669 4 17 Job Fair 2943 Andy Hit about 1200 balls last night, in preparation for today, so hands are a little tender. It's actually not funny at all. It's incredibly painful.
17670 4 17 Job Fair 2944 Phil Let's make it interesting, say, uh, ten bucks a hole?
17671 4 17 Job Fair 2944 Jim Great!
17672 4 17 Job Fair 2944 Kevin What are we talking? Skins? Acey Duecy? Bingo bango bongo? Sandies, Barkies? Arnies, Wolf? What?
17673 4 17 Job Fair 2945 Kevin I'm gonna take this petty cash I got from Oscar, and turn it into next month's rent.
17674 4 17 Job Fair 2946 Pam So many memories in this old gym. Pretending I have PMS so I didn't have to play volleyball, pretending I have PMS so I didn't have to play basketball. Those were the days!
17675 4 17 Job Fair 2947 Michael A little over the top, don't you think?
17676 4 17 Job Fair 2947 Darryl Show them what you brought, Mike.
17677 4 17 Job Fair 2947 Pam Um, that's all we brought.
17678 4 17 Job Fair 2947 Michael This is all we need.
17679 4 17 Job Fair 2947 Oscar We'll see.
17680 4 17 Job Fair 2947 Michael Yes we will see Oscar, we will see, because a blank sheet of paper equals endless possibilities! Conceptual! All right! We. Are. Open for business! Hello!
17681 4 17 Job Fair 2948 Kevin Andy, you're up, let's go!
17682 4 17 Job Fair 2948 Andy Giddy up, let's do this.
17683 4 17 Job Fair 2949 Andy People assume I'm great at golf. But like everybody, I hated golf lessons when I was a kid. So, I used to hang out at the sailing club instead. Got my "knot" on.
17684 4 17 Job Fair 2950 Andy Dammit!
17685 4 17 Job Fair 2951 Meredith Guys, do we have to stay all day?
17686 4 17 Job Fair 2951 Phyllis I mean, Michael's gone, can't we just go?
17687 4 17 Job Fair 2951 Creed Yeah, and I finished my work months ago!
17688 4 17 Job Fair 2951 Dwight Excuse me, people. It has come to my attention, some of you have forgotten, who is in charge here. When Michael is gone... Jim is in charge. When Jim is gone, Andy and I are in charge. When Andy is gone you answer to me. Okay? Excuse me where do you think you're going? Oh no, no, no. You're not leaving. No! Stanley, do not walk out that door! If you walk out that door, so help me, I will - He left. Last time I checked, the American workday ends at five pm. You will all stay at your desks until that time. Or, you will suffer the consequences.
17689 4 17 Job Fair 2951 Phyllis What consequences?
17690 4 17 Job Fair 2951 Dwight I will tell on you.
17691 4 17 Job Fair 2952 Pam There's some filing, restocking the supply shelves. Replacing the water jug, which nobody likes to do. Um, we... uh, eat a lot of cake!
17692 4 17 Job Fair 2952 Justin Cool.
17693 4 17 Job Fair 2952 Pam Yeah, and uh, you basically learn how an office runs.
17694 4 17 Job Fair 2952 Michael Hello. Hi. Can I talk to you for a sec? Excuse me.
17695 4 17 Job Fair 2952 Pam This is Michael, my boss. Justin.
17696 4 17 Job Fair 2952 Michael Hey, uh, remember what we talked about, in the car on the way up, "only the best and the brightest."
17697 4 17 Job Fair 2952 Pam He's nice and he seems interested.
17698 4 17 Job Fair 2952 Michael He's totally wrong, Pam. Hey.
17699 4 17 Job Fair 2952 Justin Hi.
17700 4 17 Job Fair 2952 Michael How you doing? Listen, I don't think that a handsome, funny, smart, funny-looking kid like you, should limit himself. You could do whatever you want to do. You could be a classy janitor, or a cashier with dignity, or a... migraine worker. Maybe for you, paper should be more of a hobby.
17701 4 17 Job Fair 2952 Justin Sorry for wasting your time.
17702 4 17 Job Fair 2952 Michael Oh, no problem. And he signed! He put his name on the piece of - okay, that was supposed to be a blank canvas on which to put their hopes and dreams. And he just, made it into a stupid piece of paper. We need another one, immediately.
17703 4 17 Job Fair 2952 Darryl Yeah, the booth is lame without it.
17704 4 17 Job Fair 2952 Pam I only brought the one.
17705 4 17 Job Fair 2952 Michael Are you mental?
17706 4 17 Job Fair 2952 Pam Michael, do you remember, you specifically told me to only bring one sheet of paper? You said it only takes one sheet to make a difference. And I said, "Are you sure Michael?" And you said "Pam! Pam! Pam!" And then you sneezed in my tea, and then you said, "Don't worry, it's just allergies." Do you remember that?
17707 4 17 Job Fair 2952 Michael I... don't.
17708 4 17 Job Fair 2952 Pam Okay. I'll go look for another one.
17709 4 17 Job Fair 2952 Michael And that. Is why. I need a smart intern.
17710 4 17 Job Fair 2953 Jim Hey, so how's the direct mail business going?
17711 4 17 Job Fair 2953 Phil I can't complain, people love their junk mail.
17712 4 17 Job Fair 2953 Jim Now are you getting all your paper from PPC? Or-
17713 4 17 Job Fair 2953 Phil You know what Jim? I'm not really looking to change things up right now, I just came out here to get out of the office for a little bit, so why don't we just play, okay?
17714 4 17 Job Fair 2953 Jim Absolutely, will do.
17715 4 17 Job Fair 2954 Jim So I guess I'll just... work on my short game.
17716 4 17 Job Fair 2955 Michael Hello there.
17717 4 17 Job Fair 2955 Kid What is this company?
17718 4 17 Job Fair 2955 Michael Well it's funny that you should ask, because it's really more than a company...
17719 4 17 Job Fair 2955 Oscar Dunder Mifflin paper.
17720 4 17 Job Fair 2955 Kid Thanks.
17721 4 17 Job Fair 2955 Michael Dammit, Oscar!
17722 4 17 Job Fair 2956 Michael Yeah, I'm trying to lure these kids into my booth, but uh, kids are very wary about being "lured" these days. Thank you Dateline!
17723 4 17 Job Fair 2957 Dwight Thank you.
17724 4 17 Job Fair 2957 Angela Extension 128.
17725 4 17 Job Fair 2957 Creed Hiya Pumpkin, it's Creed.
17726 4 17 Job Fair 2957 Creed Say, we're gonna ditch this bitch. You in?
17727 4 17 Job Fair 2957 Angela No.
17728 4 17 Job Fair 2957 Creed Are you out? Pumpkin's out, let's go gang!
17729 4 17 Job Fair 2958 Pam My old art room. Oh, maybe it's still here! No. No they must have taken it down. Never mind.
17730 4 17 Job Fair 2959 Michael What do you want?
17731 4 17 Job Fair 2959 Dwight Michael, I know you're swamped. I just thought you should know that everyone in the office has left, except for Angela and I. Do not worry though, I have taken down their names, and I have docked them a personal day.
17732 4 17 Job Fair 2959 Michael Who cares? I'm not there, Jim's not there, why should they have to be there?
17733 4 17 Job Fair 2959 Dwight So... what else is up? Mich-
17734 4 17 Job Fair 2960 Michael Thank you! What, what is this?
17735 4 17 Job Fair 2960 Pam A piece of paper.
17736 4 17 Job Fair 2960 Michael This isn't Dunder Mifflin paper. Some sort of Pendleton crap.
17737 4 17 Job Fair 2960 Pam Well I think they'll get the spirit of it.
17738 4 17 Job Fair 2960 Michael Pam-Pam-Pam-Pam-PamPamPamPam! We're dying here. I want you to go back to the office and I want you to get the real stuff. I want you to get ultra white card stock.
17739 4 17 Job Fair 2960 Pam Are you serious?
17740 4 17 Job Fair 2960 Michael Yes. And don't call me Shirley.
17741 4 17 Job Fair 2960 Pam Okay.
17742 4 17 Job Fair 2961 Phil Oh! Ah, dammit!
17743 4 17 Job Fair 2961 Jim You know, you can just pick it up, take the triple bogey.
17744 4 17 Job Fair 2961 Phil Yeah I'll- I'll get it out. Thank you.
17745 4 17 Job Fair 2961 Jim Yep.
17746 4 17 Job Fair 2963 Andy AH! Come on, Tuna!
17747 4 17 Job Fair 2963 Jim Hey, can't really talk now, what's up?
17748 4 17 Job Fair 2963 Pam Just checking in, how's it going?
17749 4 17 Job Fair 2963 Jim Uh, you know, we'll see, we'll see.
17750 4 17 Job Fair 2963 Pam I just drove twenty miles round-trip back to the office to get Michael a single sheet of white paper. So, I could have just had them fax it to me, I guess.
17751 4 17 Job Fair 2963 Jim Oh, I like you.
17752 4 17 Job Fair 2963 Pam Talk to you later?
17753 4 17 Job Fair 2963 Jim Yeah. All right. Bye. All right. Sorry, I got to annoy you one more time. What if I bring down shipping costs?
17754 4 17 Job Fair 2963 Phil You can try. But I've looked at your prices. Even with free shipping? Doesn't work. It's just- it's not in the stars, Jim. Six.
17755 4 17 Job Fair 2963 Kevin Yeah.
17756 4 17 Job Fair 2963 Andy All right, race to the next hole!
17757 4 17 Job Fair 2963 Kevin Ooh! Winner gets ten bucks! Wait -wait for me! Andy!
17758 4 17 Job Fair 2963 Andy Shortcut! Shortcut! Woah! I fell in the sandtrap!
17759 4 17 Job Fair 2964 Michael All of these jobs? Suck. I would rather live jobless, on a beach somewhere, off the money from a large inheritance, than to have to work in any one of these crap-holes. They suck.
17760 4 17 Job Fair 2965 Michael Hey! Game over.
17761 4 17 Job Fair 2966 Michael Just-in time.
17762 4 17 Job Fair 2966 Justin Hi.
17763 4 17 Job Fair 2966 Michael Just-in case. What's your last name?
17764 4 17 Job Fair 2966 Justin Polznik.
17765 4 17 Job Fair 2966 Michael This... just in. Justin Polznik! Huh?
17766 4 17 Job Fair 2967 Michael Justin is the ugly girl in the movie, who takes off her glasses and she's hot! And you realize she was always hot, she was just wearing glasses. And that you were the blind one. He's the most... important thing in my life right now.
17767 4 17 Job Fair 2968 Michael I want you to meet my family. Come on. Oscar Martinez. Accountant extraordinaire. This is Justin.
17768 4 17 Job Fair 2968 Oscar Hey.
17769 4 17 Job Fair 2968 Justin Hi.
17770 4 17 Job Fair 2968 Michael This is Darryl Philbin. Isn't he big? And you already met her, Pam Beesly, office hottie. She will "do" you. No, no. But she has already dated two guys in the office, that we know of, so, this could be number three, you never know?
17771 4 17 Job Fair 2968 Pam Excuse me.
17772 4 17 Job Fair 2968 Michael Come here. I would never say this to her face, but she is a wonderful person and a gifted artist.
17773 4 17 Job Fair 2968 Oscar Why, why wouldn't you say that to her face?
17774 4 17 Job Fair 2968 Michael So, what do you think? Think these guys are nice? The guys I didn't bring are even better. Justin, I'm willing to commit right now. Would you do me the honor, of spending the summer with us, at Dunder Mifflin? I think, I think you are very special.
17775 4 17 Job Fair 2968 Justin You didn't want me before. That's what you said.
17776 4 17 Job Fair 2968 Michael No, I didn't. You misconstrued me.
17777 4 17 Job Fair 2968 Justin You were kind of a jerk to me.
17778 4 17 Job Fair 2968 Michael I, uh, hmm.
17779 4 17 Job Fair 2968 Justin And I'm, I'm gonna go now.
17780 4 17 Job Fair 2968 Michael Why don't... hey.
17781 4 17 Job Fair 2969 Dwight Ah-choo!
17782 4 17 Job Fair 2969 Angela Bless you.
17783 4 17 Job Fair 2969 Dwight Thank you.
17784 4 17 Job Fair 2970 Kevin Okay, Jim, you owe me one-twenty, and Phil, you owe me two-thirty.
17785 4 17 Job Fair 2970 Phil Let's open a tab, because you and me are gonna be playing more often.
17786 4 17 Job Fair 2970 Andy Count me in!
17787 4 17 Job Fair 2970 Phil No.
17788 4 17 Job Fair 2970 Andy All right!
17789 4 17 Job Fair 2970 Jim Okay. You had some fun, and uh, I think I paid for it. So let me get my last shot in there. Is there anything you can do for me?
17790 4 17 Job Fair 2970 Phil I'll tell you what. My fiscal year ends in two months, let's talk then. Sound good?
17791 4 17 Job Fair 2970 Jim Absolutely.
17792 4 17 Job Fair 2970 Maguire Good playing with you guys.
17793 4 17 Job Fair 2970 Andy Right on.
17794 4 17 Job Fair 2971 Jim You know it's a tough thing, seeing a grown man take six shots to get out of a sand trap but, I had to give Phil credit for not quitting. Which is what I told him. I also told him I don't quit either, and I'd call him every single day until he gave me his business. Which he then did, after ...fifteen minutes of me blocking his car. So I am now his paper supplier! And I shot a 102 today, so I'm feeling pretty good.
17795 4 17 Job Fair 2972 Woman on mic The job fair will be closing in five minutes. Eighth period will commence as scheduled.
17796 4 17 Job Fair 2972 Michael Hold down the fort, I have to do something. Excuse me. If you can hear me, I'd like you to look around at all these companies and know that none of them are good enough for you. H&R Block? Come on, I mean I don't even know what they do. Frank Regan Funeral Home? Too much formaldehyde! The Air Force? Air Force is cool. The refreshments? Bush league! You know, that's not what you want. Dunder- they, well, okay I see security is coming so I just want to say, come to Dunder Mifflin. Dunder Mifflin, a great place to work! Anybody? Show of hands, anybody want to intern at Dunder Mifflin? We do not offer college credit, we cannot give you any sort of pay, but it is a really fun work environment. Anybody? Show of hands? Damn... it. Okay, I'm gonna wrap it up here. Thank you for your time, and drive safe.
17797 4 17 Job Fair 2973 Angela Thank you.
17798 4 17 Job Fair 2973 Dwight You're welcome.
17799 4 17 Job Fair 2974 Pam Beers? You closed it?
17800 4 17 Job Fair 2974 Jim I closed it!
17801 4 17 Job Fair 2974 Pam Yes! Oh! Um, congratulations to you, sir.
17802 4 17 Job Fair 2974 Jim Thank you. Oh, thank you very much. Appreciate it.
17803 4 17 Job Fair 2974 Pam Well done.
17804 4 17 Job Fair 2974 Jim Thank you. You know what, screw this!
17805 4 17 Job Fair 2974 Kevin Oooh!
17806 4 17 Job Fair 2975 Michael Today I did something stupid. I questioned myself. And I will never do that again. Because I look at somebody like Jim Halpert and I think, that guy can do anything he wants to do. He could do anything, and he chooses to work here, selling paper. Just like me.
17807 4 17 Job Fair 2976 Michael Yeah, kiss her. Kiss her good.
17808 4 17 Job Fair 2977 Pam Hi.
17809 4 17 Job Fair 2977 Graphics guy Hello.
17810 4 17 Job Fair 2977 Pam I was just wondering, what kind of jobs do you guys have?
17811 4 17 Job Fair 2977 Graphics guy Are you interested in graphic design?
17812 4 17 Job Fair 2977 Pam Yeah. Can I fill out an application?
17813 4 17 Job Fair 2977 Graphics guy Oh absolutely, here, take a seat. I should let you know right away, this is just an entry-level job. It's really basic. We're looking for like, a self starter, someone who can meet deadlines, who just pretty much just go the extra mile, I guess.
17814 4 17 Job Fair 2977 Pam I can do that.
17815 4 17 Job Fair 2977 Graphics guy Great. And uh, obviously looking for someone who knows Photoshop, and Dreamweaver. Uh, Corel Painter, Illustrator, AfterEffects, all the basics.
17816 4 17 Job Fair 2977 Pam I don't know any of those.
17817 4 17 Job Fair 2977 Graphics guy It's actually not super-complicated. I mean I'm sure there's some sort of like, adult education classes in the area. But if you're really serious about graphic design, one thing about New York or Philadelphia, they've got amazing programs out there for design.
17818 4 17 Job Fair 2977 Pam New York or Philadelphia.
17819 4 17 Job Fair 2977 Graphics guy Yeah.
17820 4 17 Job Fair 2977 Pam All right. Cool, well... thanks.
17821 4 17 Job Fair 2977 Graphics guy Sure.
17822 4 17 Job Fair 2977 Pam And uh, I'll look into those.
17823 4 17 Job Fair 2977 Graphics guy You should.
17824 4 17 Job Fair 2977 Pam New York or Philadelphia.
17825 4 17 Job Fair 2977 Graphics guy Absolutely.
17826 4 17 Job Fair 2977 Pam Okay.
17827 4 17 Job Fair 2977 Graphics guy It's where the action is.
17828 4 17 Job Fair 2977 Pam Thanks.
17829 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2978 Dwight Hello, this is Dwight Schrute. Hello?
17830 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2978 Jim Hello, this is Dwight.
17831 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2978 Dwight Hello? Hello?
17832 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2978 Jim Yes, we do have that. Hold on one second...
17833 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2978 Dwight Jim, what are you doing?
17834 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2978 Jim And how many would you like?
17835 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2978 Dwight Uh, uh, hang that up right now. Ha-
17836 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2978 Jim Absolutely. We can get that out to you immediately.
17837 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2978 Dwight This man is an imposter! Do not do business with him! This is not Dwight Schrute!
17838 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2979 Jim Dwight left his cell phone on his desk. So, naturally, I paired it to my headset.
17839 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2980 Dwight K, fine. I'll just let it go to voicemail.
17840 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2980 Jim Hello, this is Dwight.
17841 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2980 Pam Hey, is this Dwight?
17842 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2980 Jim Yes it is.
17843 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2980 Pam Oh my goodness, you sound sexy.
17844 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2980 Jim Oh, thank you. I've been working out.
17845 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2980 Dwight Woah, woah, woah, Pam!
17846 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2980 Pam Have you?
17847 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2980 Dwight Pam! You are not talking to Dwight right now. You are talking to Jim.
17848 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2980 Pam Dwight?
17849 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2980 Dwight No! Pam, I'm over here!
17850 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2980 Pam I'm confused...
17851 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2980 Dwight Disconnect that right now. You give me your earpiece.
17852 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2980 Jim Can't do that. Unsanitary.
17853 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2980 Dwight Ugh! Okay, you know what? Fine. I will reprogram my phone to go to my office phone. Done.
17854 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2980 Jim This is Dwight.
17855 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2981 Jim Oh, and I forwarded his desk phone to mine.
17856 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2982 Jim Oh, hello Mater. Good news: I've married. Tell Fater. Such a nice woman.
17857 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2982 Dwight Argh! Ahh!!
17858 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2983 Michael Today is Toby Flenderson's last day. I couldn't sleep last night. I came extra-early. So much energy... There are certain days you know you know you will remember for the rest of your life, and I just have a feeling that today is one of those days.
17859 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2984 Toby Morning.
17860 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2984 Michael Mornin'. So here we go, just a matter of hours now, until his horribleness has left the building. I'm going to set my watch alarm... And...
17861 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2985 Toby Good morning, Kelly.
17862 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2985 Kelly I can't believe this is your last day. How do you feel?
17863 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2985 Toby Fine. Good.
17864 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2985 Kelly I feel weird.
17865 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2986 Michael First thing on the agenda-actually, the only thing on the agenda, is the status of Toby's going away party.
17866 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2986 Angela We have a buttercream cake and a slideshow of Toby.
17867 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2986 Michael Okay.
17868 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2986 Angela But so far we only have two pictures of him.
17869 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2986 Michael Okay, well, this will not do. Toby is going away forever, and uh, we need to do something very very special. In some cultures, when somebody leaves, like New Orleans culture, they have a parade and they have a band and people party in the streets...
17870 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2986 Pam Do you mean, leaves as in dies? You want us to throw Toby a New Orleans' funeral?
17871 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2986 Michael If the Devil were to explode, and evil were gone forever, what sort of party would you have?
17872 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2986 Angela Michael...
17873 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2986 Michael Like a beach blowout? Or a toga, toga-
17874 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2986 Angela No. You know-no!
17875 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2986 Michael Toga!
17876 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2986 Angela You always do this! We have a nice, modest party planned, and then you come in and demand the world. Let me be clear. There is simply no money for anything other than a cake and to develop a few more slides... although Toby won't be in them.
17877 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2986 Michael I thought that you might say that.
17878 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2987 Michael Every year, my sweet, sweet grandmother sends me a check on my birthday for fifty dollars. And lately, she has been sending me, like nine or ten checks a year... uh, as Nana starts to... but, I knew I should be saving it for something, I just didn't know what I should be saving it for. And then I had an awakening. "Michael, buy a motorcycle." So I put the money in my shoe, and then I forgot about it until now.
17879 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2988 Michael I want a party that makes me feel like I am flying through the air without this... ugly weight holding me down, you know?... I want an antigravity machine. I saw it in a movie. You drink a potion, and then you just start floating all around.
17880 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2988 Pam So how much antigravity potion do you want?
17881 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2988 Angela No! No! You know what? This is not a party-planning committee anymore! And I don't want your foot money, and I feel uncomfortable participating.
17882 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2988 Michael Phyllis, can you do this?
17883 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2988 Phyllis Yes.
17884 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2989 Pam Hi, can I help you?
17885 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2989 Holly Hi. Yes, uh, I'm Holly Flax. I was told to ask for a Mr. Flenderson?
17886 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2990 Toby As part of my last day I'm training the new Human Resources rep in the ways of the company. Again, the company has allotted for this training-one day.
17887 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2991 Toby So this is H.R. This is your desk.
17888 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2991 Holly I love the view.
17889 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2991 Toby Yeah, it's great, isn't it?
17890 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2992 Pam Hey.
17891 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2992 Jim Hey... What?
17892 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2992 Pam Guess who just got into the Pratt School of Design.
17893 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2992 Jim No way! What did I say? I said that they'd love those sketches. Congratulations!
17894 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2992 Pam Oh, thank you! I don't know why I doubted it, because I'm so clearly awesome!
17895 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2992 Jim Yes! So when do you start?
17896 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2992 Pam I don't know, I didn't read it carefully, I just saw "congratulations" and I skimmed the list, I saw my name, I came in here to tell you and get a snack.
17897 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2992 Jim Wow. Busy morning.
17898 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2992 Pam So, you know it means I have to go to New York for three months...
17899 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2992 Jim It's not a big deal. I'll come visit you. And you'll visit me. It's only two hours away. It'll be fine. That part's gonna suck, but it'll be great.
17900 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2992 Pam Yeah, it sucks, but it'll be great.
17901 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2992 Jim See how easy that is?
17902 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2992 Pam Ohh...
17903 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2993 Pam I wouldn't go if things weren't so solid with Jim. And down the road, if we have a family, I couldn't go then either. So, the timing's perfect... And that is the first time I've ever used the word "perfect" in here!
17904 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2994 Toby Hey, Stanley...
17905 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2994 Stanley Hmm?
17906 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2994 Toby I want to introduce you to...
17907 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2994 Michael Toby's replacement. Ugh. Wow.
17908 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2994 Dwight So what do we know about her?
17909 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2994 Michael Well, we know that Toby thinks she'll be great. So, strike one, I hate her already.
17910 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2994 Dwight I hate her too.
17911 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2994 Michael Why do you hate her?
17912 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2994 Dwight Because she... stinks... with her... ways... and her... head.
17913 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2994 Michael You know, Dwight, sometimes... I don't know, I think you say things just to agree with me.
17914 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2994 Dwight Would that be such a bad thing?
17915 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2994 Michael Yeah! It would! Just have a thought. Have an original thought. Although, I will agree that her head is weird. You know what we need to do?
17916 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2994 Dwight What?
17917 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2994 Michael We need to sell her an elevator pass.
17918 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2994 Dwight But our, our elevator doesn't require a pa...
17919 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2994 Michael Exactly. A little old-fashioned hazing.
17920 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2995 Phyllis Hi. Are there any local companies that rent antigravity machines?
17921 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2995 Woman over speakerphone Antigravity machines?
17922 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2995 Phyllis That's right. Yeah.
17923 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2995 Woman over speakerphone What do they do exactly?
17924 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2995 Phyllis They make you feel lighter...
17925 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2995 Woman over speakerphone Antigravity... Um... Anti...depressants? I could put you through to someone on that.
17926 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2995 Phyllis Okay.
17927 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2996 Michael Yeah.
17928 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2996 Toby Hey Michael.
17929 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2996 Michael Oh, hey, do you still work here?
17930 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2996 Toby I'd like to introduce you to my replacement.
17931 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2996 Michael Nah.
17932 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2996 Toby Come on.
17933 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2996 Michael No. I think I will pass.
17934 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2996 Toby Michael Scott, this is Holly.
17935 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2996 Holly Hi.
17936 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2996 Michael Hi. Yeah. Right. Okay, well, they hired a female Toby. Good for the world. Thank you, God, for creating two of you. Here's how things work here: my job is to make the office fun. Your job is to make the office lame. And we have an eternal struggle, you and I. And only one of us can be the winner. Spoiler alert: I'm gonna win.
17937 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2996 Holly Man, someone doesn't like H.R.
17938 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2996 Michael Yeah.
17939 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2996 Holly What did you do to him?
17940 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2996 Toby Nothing.
17941 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2996 Michael T-No. He tortured me... with his awfulness.
17942 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2996 Holly Yeah, I know what you mean. I nearly fell asleep when he gave me a tour of the files. Um, well look, I'll let you get back to work, but I-I really look forward to working with you, Mr. Scott.
17943 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2996 Michael Y-You can-Michael.
17944 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2997 Michael Thanks to Toby, I have a very strong prejudice against Human Resources. I believe that the department is a breeding ground for monsters. What I failed to consider though, is that not all monsters are bad. Like E.T. Is Holly our extraterrestrial? Maybe. Or maybe she's just an awesome woman from this planet.
17945 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2998 Creed The pleasure's all mine.
17946 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2998 Holly Oh, thanks. I'm really looking forward to sitting down with you and finding out more about what you do here.
17947 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2998 Creed Any time.
17948 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2998 Holly What do you do here?
17949 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2998 Creed ...Excuse me.
17950 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 2999 Creed What is wrong with this woman? She's asking about stuff that's nobody's business. "What do I do?"... Really, what do I do here? I should've written it down. "Qua" something, uh... qua... quar... quibo, qual...quir-quabity. Quabity assuance! No. No, no, no, no, but I'm getting close.
17951 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3000 Dwight Have you been introduced to Kevin?
17952 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3000 Holly No. Which one's Kevin?
17953 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3000 Dwight He's here on a special work program. He's slow, you know, in his brain.
17954 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3000 Holly Oh. Good for you guys.
17955 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3000 Dwight Yeah.
17956 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3001 Dwight Hazing is a fun way to show a new employee that she is not welcome or liked.
17957 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3002 Dwight Accounting department, listen up. Holly, Human Resources. Angela, Oscar, and Kevin.
17958 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3002 Holly Hello. Hello. Hi.
17959 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3002 Kevin Hi.
17960 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3002 Holly What do you do?
17961 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3002 Kevin I do the numbers.
17962 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3002 Holly Oh, good for you.
17963 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3002 Kevin Do you want a M&M?
17964 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3002 Holly Oh, no, that is so sweet. But thank you though.
17965 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3002 Kevin Yeah. I keep them here at my desk so that everybody doesn't take them.
17966 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3002 Holly Well that is a very safe place for them.
17967 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3002 Kevin Yeah.
17968 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3002 Michael Here she is! Holly... You know, if we hung Holly from the ceiling, we'd have to kiss underneath of her. So-I know. Oh, sorry. Question, are you real, or are you a Hollygram?
17969 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3002 Holly Oh... Nice, I've never heard that one before actually.
17970 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3002 Michael I bet.
17971 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3002 Holly That's good.
17972 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3002 Michael I bet. Are these guys boring your ears off?
17973 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3002 Holly No, no, I...
17974 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3002 Michael Oh... What, um, what is your commute like? How long does it take to get in?
17975 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3002 Holly Ooh, uh...
17976 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3002 Michael You know, I should make you a mix. Do you have a, uh, a CD player?
17977 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3002 Holly Um... Y-yeah. Okay.
17978 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3002 Michael All right.
17979 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3002 Holly Thanks.
17980 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3002 Michael Yep.
17981 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3002 Holly Great.
17982 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3003 Pam Do you like it? It's a photo of everyone in the office. So you can take it to Costa Rica.
17983 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3003 Toby You're-you're not in it.
17984 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3003 Pam Well I was taking the picture.
17985 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3003 Toby I love it. I love it... I would love a picture of the two of us, to also take to Costa Rica.
17986 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3003 Pam Sure, do you have a camera here?
17987 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3003 Toby No, uh... Does anyone have a camera here? No one has a camera here. Uh...
17988 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3003 Pam Okay...
17989 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3003 Toby I'm gonna... I'll go get one. Stay.
17990 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3004 Jim So I just got the fax closing the sale, and uh, it's big. It is really big.
17991 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3004 Ryan Congratulations!
17992 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3004 Jim Thanks.
17993 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3004 Ryan Don't interrupt.
17994 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3004 Jim I just-
17995 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3004 Ryan Congratulations on doing your job. Did you enter the sale on the website?
17996 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3004 Jim No, I didn't. I just logged it in right here, so...
17997 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3004 Ryan All right, try to be a team player here, Jim. Log it in the website.
17998 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3004 Jim All right, well it already went through, so...
17999 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3004 Ryan Don't worry about that. Just re-log it.
18000 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3004 Jim Hello?
18001 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Michael Hmm... Jim? I am downloading some N3P...
18002 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Jim That's not it.
18003 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Michael Music...
18004 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Jim Yeah.
18005 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Michael For a CD mix tape...
18006 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Jim Close.
18007 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Michael For Holly.
18008 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Jim Mmhmm.
18009 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Michael And I'm looking for perfect songs that work on two levels.
18010 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Jim What are the two levels?
18011 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Michael The two levels being, uh, "Welcome to Scranton"...
18012 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Jim Mmhmm.
18013 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Michael And "I... love you."
18014 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Jim Okay. Let's start with the "I love you" level.
18015 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Michael Hey, what's the group that was from Scranton that made it big? Was that U2?
18016 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Jim Yes. You don't love Holly.
18017 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Michael I think I do.
18018 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Jim But you just met her.
18019 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Michael Well, it was love at first sight. Actually, it was-no, it was when I heard her voice. It was love at first see with my ears.
18020 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Jim Oh, okay, it doesn't work like that.
18021 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Michael Well, you're not a romantic.
18022 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Jim Actually, I think I am. And I have a little bit of experience in office romance.
18023 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Michael Oh really?
18024 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Jim Yeah.
18025 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Michael Like, with who?
18026 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Jim We've been through this.
18027 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Michael Pam?
18028 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Jim Yes, we are still dating. And guess what? I took it slow.
18029 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Michael Yeah, you took it too slow.
18030 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Jim Well, we're really happy.
18031 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Michael This thing with Holly feels a lot like love to me.
18032 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Jim And that's really sweet. And you can think that. But you don't say that out loud, and you definitely don't say it to her.
18033 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Michael I don't want her to get away.
18034 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3005 Jim I know. Here, Michael, you can court her as you get to know her, you know? I mean, the office is a great place for that. Pam and I, we got to know each other right out there. I mean, the first time we joked around was at my desk. And the first meal we ever had was, in the break room, actually. We were at two separate tables and, I remember that. The first time we kissed even, was right outside, and... Look, all I'm saying is that you can get to know someone really really well, like I did, right here at work.
18035 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3006 Jim I was thinking... fireworks for the party. What do you think?
18036 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3006 Phyllis Oh boy. I appreciate your help, but I can't...
18037 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3006 Jim Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I just meant I wanted to pay to have fireworks at the party.
18038 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3006 Phyllis Why would you do that?
18039 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3006 Jim Because I'm gonna miss Toby. Yep, he's a heck of a guy, and I think we should send him off right. It doesn't matter. Here ya go.
18040 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3006 Phyllis Really?
18041 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3006 Jim Well we all want a good party, right?
18042 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3007 Jim I'm going to propose tonight. Holy crap!
18043 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3008 Holly Hey Kevin.
18044 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3008 Kevin Hi.
18045 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3008 Holly Do you need some help?
18046 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3008 Kevin I can't decide what to get.
18047 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3008 Holly Well, what do you like to eat?
18048 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3008 Kevin Well I like pretzels, but, I really like chips.
18049 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3008 Holly Hmm. Well how much money do you have there? Okay, let's see... fifty... Oh, this is a button. Okay. Fifty-five, sixty-five, okay, you have seventy-five cents. So, that means you could get anything up in the top row.
18050 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3008 Kevin Hmm...
18051 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3009 Kevin I'm totally gonna bang Holly! She is cute, and helpful, and she really seems into me.
18052 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3010 Jim Hey, Ryan, it's Jim. Look man, I don't know what's gotten into you lately, but you know what? I really don't care, because you're trying to get rid of me. And I bet you don't think I care enough about this job to actually fight back, but you're wrong, because I do, and I will. So you can keep trying to push me out of this place, but guess what? I'm not going anywhere.
18053 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3011 Holly Damn it!
18054 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3011 Michael Hello, Holly. Woah, what are you doing? You don't, uh, you don't have to do that. I mean, we have already put-together chairs. That's how we buy them actually.
18055 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3011 Holly Oh, I'm trying to adjust the lumbar support on Toby's chair and... that made this up/down lever thing not work, and then I took the whole chair apart, and that... is the story of me on the floor. It's pretty good, right? You know, I'm gonna sell the movie rights.
18056 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3011 Michael And the sequel, "Woman Stands at Desk and Works." So, I have no idea how you, how you sit like that.
18057 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3011 Holly Yoga.
18058 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3011 Michael Sit on floor and put together chair we will. Yo-da. Um...
18059 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3011 Holly Pass curvy metal piece, you will.
18060 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3011 Michael So are you in down this weekend? Cause, I'm not-I'm not... I'm not gonna be in town. I'm going out of town.
18061 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3011 Holly Ohh, so you can't make my orgy? Kidding!
18062 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3011 Michael Kidding. Acting!
18063 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3011 Holly Acting!
18064 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3011 Michael Acting!
18065 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3011 Holly Lovitz.
18066 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3011 Michael Yeah.
18067 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3012 Michael I did it!
18068 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3012 Jim What'd you do?
18069 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3012 Michael I talked to her-Holly. Just pleasantries, nothing, you know... not like, do you want kids or, religion, or what side of the bed do you want. Hey, I can take either side of the bed at this point.
18070 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3012 Jim Wow. Okay, so how'd that feel?
18071 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3012 Michael It was hard. I wanted to kiss her.
18072 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3012 Jim Oh, I'm so glad you didn't.
18073 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3012 Michael Whew, oh God. Laying a base. Laying a base...
18074 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3012 Jim There you go. There's plenty of base-laying left, right?... Hey. Hey!
18075 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3012 Michael Yeah...
18076 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3013 Phyllis Hello Angela.
18077 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3013 Angela Phyllis, you look like you're gonna have a heart attack.
18078 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3013 Phyllis Can I get a list of your vendors?
18079 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3013 Angela I shredded it.
18080 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3013 Phyllis Why would you do that?
18081 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3013 Angela Gosh, I just don't know. Why do you think?
18082 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3013 Phyllis Sorry.
18083 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3014 Toby What'd you guys do?
18084 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3014 Michael Oh, there he is. Thought you had gone home already. Why don't you go home, and come back for the party?
18085 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3014 Toby Well, we still have to do the exit interview.
18086 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3014 Michael Yes we do.
18087 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3015 Michael I'll let you in on a little secret: I've been very much looking forward to this moment. Very, very much. I-I have been steeped in anticipation. Toby has been cruisin' for a bruisin' for twelve years, and I am now his cruise director, and my name is Captain Bruisin'.
18088 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3016 Toby Wow, thanks, Michael, I...
18089 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3016 Michael Can I just say that, of all the idiots, in all the idiot villages, in all the idiot worlds, you stand alone, my friend.
18090 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3016 Holly Hello.
18091 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3016 Michael Hey! Hi, good to see you.
18092 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3016 Holly You too.
18093 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3016 Michael I'm just having a little exit interview.
18094 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3016 Holly Yeah, I know, that's why I'm here.
18095 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3016 Michael Um, no, no, no. This is very boring stuff. Why don't you take a tour? Have you seen the baler?
18096 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3016 Holly No, no, I'll look at it later. It's part of my job.
18097 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3016 Michael Okay.
18098 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3016 Pam Did you need me to take notes?
18099 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3016 Toby Hi Pam. Stay.
18100 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3016 Pam Okay.
18101 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3016 Michael Um... Alright, well then, I will proceed. I just have some questions that I was gonna ask. Um... Who do you think you are?
18102 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3016 Toby I'm Toby.
18103 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3016 Michael Yeah. Correct. Um... What gives-what-what gives you the right?
18104 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3016 Holly Um, I-I brought the binder. Do you wanna take a little look?
18105 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3016 Michael Sure. You know what? That sounds good. I'll take a little look-see.
18106 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3016 Holly Here you go.
18107 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3016 Michael Thank you. What would you improve about Dunder Mifflin?
18108 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3016 Toby This place, um...
18109 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3016 Michael Well, no no no no no...
18110 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3016 Toby I've got some ideas, I guess...
18111 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3016 Michael No no no no no. I'm not asking it. I'm just reading it out loud.
18112 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3016 Holly Oh, I'd like to hear the answer.
18113 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3016 Toby Well let me see... I would, uh...
18114 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3016 Michael I'll kill you.
18115 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3016 Toby I guess everything's okay.
18116 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3017 Toby I made it this far, right? What's the point?
18117 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3018 Pam Toby, why don't you open your present?
18118 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3018 Michael Oh, no no no, no, no. No, this-hey, hey, hey, hey, this might not be what I think... that I don't even know is in there, because there are a lot of presents in my car, and I don't know which is which...
18119 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3018 Toby "Suck on this."
18120 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3018 Michael What the hell is that?
18121 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3018 Pam Michael...
18122 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3018 Michael That's... What do you mean, "Michael"? That's not even my handwriting. Hey! What the hell is going on here?! Who thought it would be hysterical to give Toby a rock for his going-away gift?!
18123 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3018 Dwight You did.
18124 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3018 Michael No!
18125 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3018 Dwight You made me wrap it. I thought it was over the line. I just-
18126 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3018 Michael Okay, you know what that is? You know what that is? That is... a psyche. Psyche. So, that is not my real gift to Toby.
18127 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3018 Pam So what is your gift?
18128 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3018 Michael My gift is forthcoming, Pam.
18129 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3018 Pam What is it?
18130 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3018 Michael I am going to give Toby...
18131 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3018 Pam Your watch?
18132 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3018 Michael ...Yes, I am. That was it. How did you know that?
18133 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3018 Pam I just knew.
18134 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3018 Michael How did you know?
18135 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3018 Holly Oh that is so sweet.
18136 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3018 Michael Well... That's my watch.
18137 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3018 Toby Thanks, I'm gonna set it to Costa Rica time.
18138 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3018 Michael Hey, that's good.
18139 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3018 Creed Hey, it's the kid! Look, look, look, look, look! Hey! It's the temp! Look!
18140 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3018 Dwight Oh my gosh.
18141 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3018 Creed It's the temp!
18142 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3018 Pam Is that the police?
18143 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3018 Dwight Yes.
18144 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3018 Creed Mm-hmm.
18145 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3019 Oscar Well this is what happened: uh, Ryan's big project was the website... which wasn't doing so well. So Ryan, to give the impression of sales, recorded them twice: once as office sales, once as website sales. Which is what we refer to in the business as "misleading the shareholders." Another good term is "fraud." The real crime, I think, was the beard.
18146 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3020 Michael Oh my God. Ryan... Oh my God.
18147 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3021 Kelly I cannot wait to visit Ryan in prison. I'm gonna wear my hottest track suit, and get my hair done, and then be like, "Hi Ryan." And then all the other prisoners are gonna be like, "Damn! Ryan, you got a hot ex-girlfriend. Ooh, I would never have treated her so bad when I was outside of prison."
18148 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3022 Jim Would you do me a favor and connect me to Ryan?
18149 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3022 Pam Absolutely.
18150 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3022 Jim Right to voicemail. Hey, Ryan, it's Jim. You know what? Totally disregard that last voicemail, because you obviously have your hands tied. Good luck!
18151 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3023 Holly What's protocol on this?
18152 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3023 Toby I normally do nothing, I guess. No, you shouldn't-
18153 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3023 Holly Michael, are you okay?
18154 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3023 Michael I'm just worried about my friend.
18155 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3023 Holly Oh, of course you are.
18156 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3023 Michael Just, I'm fine. I'm holding it together. I-I have a business to run.
18157 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3023 Holly No, hey.
18158 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3023 Michael I'm cool.
18159 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3023 Holly Stop. You can let yourself be upset. He's your friend. You know what I usually find?...
18160 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3024 Michael Holly is sweet and simple, like a lady baker. I would not be surprised to find out that she had worked in a bakery before coming here. She has that kind of warmth. I'm pretty sure she's baked on a professional level.
18161 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3025 Kevin Woah! Cool! A bouncy house!
18162 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3025 Phyllis Kevin, take your shoes off first!
18163 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3025 Michael No antigravity machine, huh?
18164 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3025 Phyllis Sorry, Michael, I don't think they're real.
18165 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3025 Michael Ferris wheel's pretty cool though.
18166 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3026 Pam Wow. Look at our parking lot.
18167 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3026 Jim Yeah, who'd have thought?
18168 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3027 Pam Is Jim gonna propose tonight? He is, isn't he? No, he's not... Is he?
18169 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3028 Holly Oh, it was a pretty good company, but I just couldn't see a future there. They kept hiring from the outside. It was easy to get in but impossible to rise up.
18170 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3028 Michael That's what she... a lot of places are like that.
18171 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3028 Holly I think it's really cool you hired Kevin.
18172 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3028 Michael Thanks.
18173 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3029 Dwight You have it?
18174 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3029 Meredith Almost.
18175 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3029 Dwight Okay, here we go. Here we go. Put it in.
18176 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3029 Michael I like, uh...
18177 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3029 Holly That-That's my car.
18178 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3029 Michael Hey. What are you doing?
18179 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3029 Dwight Mose!
18180 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3029 Michael What the hell is going on here?!
18181 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3029 Dwight N-nothing you need to know the details of.
18182 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3029 Michael There is a raccoon in the car, Dwight!
18183 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3029 Dwight N-no there's not.
18184 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3029 Michael Why did you do that?
18185 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3029 Dwight It was playful hazing.
18186 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3029 Michael No. There is no such thing as playful hazing. Dwight, I want you to look at Holly right now. Everybody, I want you to look at Holly right now, and maybe if you look at her deeply enough, you will see what I see in her. And that is that we are all very lucky to have her here. Holly is the best thing that has happened to this company since World War II. Fifty years, she is the best. Take care of that, all right?
18187 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3029 Dwight It's not rabid.
18188 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3029 Michael Shh...
18189 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3029 Meredith Thanks for bringing that up.
18190 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3029 Dwight Get it out. Come on, get it out. Get it out.
18191 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3030 Michael I'm really sorry.
18192 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3030 Holly Michael, thank you so much for saying that. I feel so welcome here.
18193 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3030 Michael Yeah...
18194 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3030 Holly I just... Um, excuse me.
18195 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3031 Michael Did you see that! Did you see it? Did you see what... wow-wee! Uh, well, Jan didn't believe in showing affection, so... sometimes I don't know how to react when a girl touches me. Oh... I like it!
18196 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3032 Vance Refrigeration Guy Hey Mrs. Vance, we're all out!
18197 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3032 Phyllis Hey, Kev, I need you to do me a solid and go buy some more barbeque sauce. Okay.
18198 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3033 Holly Cool! You drive your own car?
18199 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3033 Kevin Yup. This is my car. Do you drive your own car?
18200 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3033 Holly Yep. Just like you.
18201 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3033 Kevin Okay, bye.
18202 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3033 Holly Bye. Kevin, I'm really proud of you.
18203 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3034 Michael Alright! Let's hear it for Darryl and his band. You know what? Let's also give a shout-out to Phyllis for this awesome party, huh?
18204 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3034 Pam Yay, Phyllis!
18205 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3034 Michael Probably the best one that we have ever had, right? But the real reason that we are here, is to say goodbye to a guy who we will probably never ever see again. Now, a lot of you know that I am an accomplished songwriter.
18206 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3034 Pam Song parody writer.
18207 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3034 Michael I have done things like um, "Beers in Heaven."
18208 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3034 Jim Classic.
18209 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3034 Michael Or, "Total Eclipse of the Fart."
18210 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3034 Jim Not my favorite, but...
18211 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3034 Pam I like that one.
18212 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3034 Jim It's not my favorite...
18213 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3034 Pam I like that one.
18214 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3034 Michael I love to sing them, but I am not going to be doing that today. I am going to be doing something I wrote specifically for Toby. Do you know, um, "Goodbye Stranger"? Supertramp?
18215 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3034 Darryl Yeah.
18216 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3034 Michael It was early morning yesterday... I was up before the dawn... and I really have enjoyed my stay... Toby must be movin' on.
18217 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3035 Pam I'm gonna to miss Toby. He has a nice, calming presence in the office.
18218 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3036 Michael Goodbye Toby, it's been nice. Hope you find your paradise...
18219 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3037 Pam Don't tell him I said this, but I always thought he was kinda cute.
18220 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3038 Michael Come tomorrow, feel no pain! Feel no pain! Toby! Toby! Tobee-yy! Toby's goin' away! See ya! He's outta here! See ya! He's outta here! Ohh! Goodbye Toby! Goodbye Toby! Goodbye Toby! Goodbye Tooo-by!
18221 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3039 Holly Not bad.
18222 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3039 Michael Oh, hey. Thanks.
18223 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3039 Holly Someday I would love to hear "Beers in Heaven."
18224 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3039 Michael Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, actu-too soon. It's uh, it's uh, very sexual. Sorry. Kevin. Kevin, where are you? You missed my song, buddy.
18225 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3039 Kevin Yeah, Michael, I'm at Gerrity's. You have to come down here.
18226 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3039 Michael Just pay for it and we'll reimburse you when you get back.
18227 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3039 Kevin No, I-I brought my money. Michael, there's something that you need to see.
18228 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3039 Michael What is it?
18229 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3039 Kevin Just hurry.
18230 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3039 Holly Is he okay?
18231 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3039 Michael Yeah. He's at the supermarket and he needs me.
18232 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3039 Holly Yeah well, the party, driving to the supermarket... it's a big day for him.
18233 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3039 Michael Yeah, that's true. Don't move a muscle. I will be back momentarily, all right? No, you can drink-you can finish your drink and then I'll-okay, I'll be back.
18234 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3040 Jan Well it was good to see you.
18235 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3040 Kevin It was great to see you, Jan.
18236 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3040 Jan Yeah, so...
18237 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3040 Michael O-kay. Hello Jan.
18238 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3040 Jan Hello... Michael.
18239 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3040 Michael Wow, Kevin, really? We're- Sorry. We're in the middle of a party. Is this why you called me down here?
18240 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3040 Kevin Yeah, Michael, I just uh...
18241 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3040 Jan I...
18242 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3040 Kevin I think you kids have a lot to catch up on.
18243 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3040 Michael Oh, okay.
18244 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3040 Kevin Yeah.
18245 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3040 Michael Thanks, Kevin. Um...
18246 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3041 Michael Wow. I can't believe it! Look at you! Are you nauseous?
18247 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3041 Jan No.
18248 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3041 Michael Do you-do you have cravings? You never touched my Propecea, or my Accutane, did you?
18249 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3041 Jan Uh, no.
18250 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3041 Michael Good. Good. Thank God.
18251 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3041 Jan I didn't...
18252 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3041 Michael Cause that's...
18253 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3041 Jan ... touch that.
18254 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3041 Michael Wow, I am so happy. I am so deliriously happy...
18255 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3041 Jan Why?
18256 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3041 Michael Because you're pregnant, and because it obviously happened when we were together. And, I am very...
18257 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3041 Jan Yeah, it did...
18258 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3041 Michael ... proud.
18259 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3041 Jan ... happen when...
18260 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3041 Michael Um...
18261 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3041 Jan ... we were together. That's true. And-but, you... are not... uh, you're not the dad.
18262 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3041 Michael You cheated on me... when I specifically asked you not to?
18263 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3041 Jan ...Not to. No, I did not. I did not cheat on you. I did not.
18264 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3041 Michael Well, okay...
18265 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3041 Jan Yeah.
18266 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3041 Michael So it's mine, and it's not somebody else's, so... I know... the whole toilet seat thing is a myth, so...
18267 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3041 Jan I went to a sperm bank.
18268 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3041 Michael You did?
18269 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3041 Jan Yuh-huh.
18270 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3041 Michael When we were going out?
18271 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3041 Jan Uh, yeah.
18272 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3041 Michael W-I don't understand. You always used to be very cautious... I'd wear two condoms.
18273 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3041 Jan I know.
18274 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3041 Michael You'd rather have somebody else's sperm than my sperm?
18275 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3041 Jan No, no no... it's not just any sperm bank. I mean, it's really... this is a really, really great place. It's amazing, actually. I'm gonna bring you the catalogue. You should look through it. It's... and it's-in fact, it's right next to that little breakfast place that you like in the city where you can draw on the tables.
18276 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3041 Michael IHop.
18277 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3041 Jan IHop.
18278 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3042 Jan If I was 22, and I had lots of time to have lots of children, then sure, let's let Michael have a shot at one of 'em. But, honestly, I need to make this one count.
18279 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3043 Jan Oh, that's really good. I feel so much better. I just needed to get all that out onto the table.
18280 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3043 Michael I'm glad you told me.
18281 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3043 Jan Look, I don't know what you're gonna be doing tomorrow, but I have my Lamaze class in Allentown, and um... you could come. I usually, you know, use a foam noodle instead of a partner...
18282 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3043 Michael Um, I'll... I have to think about it.
18283 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3043 Jan Okay.
18284 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3044 Michael My whole life, I have known two things: I love s*x, and I want to have kids. And I always thought that those two things would go hand in hand, but now, I think it might be one or the other.
18285 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3045 Pam Oh look, they're starting.
18286 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3046 Angela Well, I hope you had fun today, because you're never ever throwing a party again.
18287 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3047 Jim Hey...
18288 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3047 Andy Can I have your attention please? I was waiting for the right time to do this, and I can't think of a better time than right now, with the music playing, and all our friends around, and fireworks going off... My parents are here! Andrew and Ellen Bernard. Thank you for sharing in this joyous moment. Miss Angela Martin, will you please join me onstage? Okay, then I will come to you, my flower.
18289 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3047 Darryl Unh! Damn it!
18290 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3047 Andy Angela, will you do me the honor... of giving me your tiny hand in marriage?
18291 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3047 Angela ...Okay.
18292 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3047 Andy Into the mic, sweetie.
18293 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3047 Angela I said, okay.
18294 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3047 Andy She said yes! And the crowd goes wild! Woo!
18295 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3048 Andy I've been carrying that ring around in my wallet for six years. Because you don't know when you're gonna meet the right girl and the moment's gonna be right. And tonight, with the fireworks, and the music, and everything... it was right.
18296 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3049 Kelly Can I be your bridesmaid?
18297 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3049 Angela No.
18298 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3050 Dwight Well... it's my own fault.
18299 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3051 Andy Tuna! I'm engaged!
18300 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3051 Jim I know. That's awesome, man. That's great.
18301 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3051 Andy Mr. Andrew Bernard... it's got a nice ring to it.
18302 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3052 Toby Hey. Hey, you know, I just realized uh, I don't have a picture of the two of us.
18303 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3052 Pam Oh, yeah, um...
18304 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3052 Toby Yeah, could we...
18305 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3052 Pam Sure. Meredith, do you mind?
18306 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3052 Toby This one right here.
18307 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3052 Meredith Okay. One two three- Oh let's do it again. Pam your smile is weird.
18308 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3052 Toby It's digital, so just take as many as you want.
18309 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3052 Meredith One, two three- One, two, three-
18310 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3053 Pam I don't know, I just, I really thought Jim was gonna propose tonight...
18311 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3054 Holly Hey there.
18312 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3054 Michael Hey.
18313 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3054 Holly So you missed something really big.
18314 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3054 Michael Yeah?
18315 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3054 Holly Yeah, Andy proposed to one of your accountants.
18316 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3054 Michael Oh, wow.
18317 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3054 Holly I'm not so specific as I can be on my first day, but...
18318 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3054 Michael Well, I can see Andy proposing to Angela. I can also see him proposing to Oscar. Oh...
18319 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3054 Holly So... You know, somehow after all those ribs, I'm still really hungry. I don't know, I was thinking of maybe going off-campus somewhere, getting some dessert, or...
18320 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3054 Michael Oh, um, well, you know what? You should go to the Glider Diner. Ask Stanley about that. Practically lives there.
18321 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3054 Holly Okay.
18322 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3054 Kevin I'll go to the diner with you.
18323 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3054 Holly Oh that would be great.
18324 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3054 Kevin Yeah, we can go eat pie.
18325 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3054 Holly I love pie.
18326 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3054 Kevin Me too.
18327 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3054 Holly Okay.
18328 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3054 Michael Have a good night.
18329 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3054 Holly Okay. Good night.
18330 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3054 Michael Bye.
18331 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3055 Holly Yeah, it was a good day. I mean, first days are always the hardest, right? Well, I should go. I gotta buckle him in.
18332 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3056 Michael Well this is it. I am here to see you off.
18333 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3056 Toby Thanks... Really, Michael?
18334 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3056 Michael Sorry. Corporate policy.
18335 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3056 Toby It's not.
18336 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3056 Michael You might take something.
18337 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3056 Hank I don't think he's gonna take anything.
18338 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3056 Michael Okay, security guard.
18339 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3057 Toby Oh, some kind of... alarm.
18340 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3057 Michael Okay.
18341 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3058 Michael Hi, Jan, it's Michael. I just um, I just want to let you know that I am going to go to your Lamaze class tomorrow. Um, and if there's any details you need to fill me in on, like... what exactly Lamaze is, that would be great. And I... will see you tomorrow morning. I am going to be... kind of a daddy.
18342 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3059 Phyllis Party planning's a real high. Like a runner's high.
18343 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3059 Angela Oh my God!
18344 4 18 Goodbye, Toby (Parts 1&2) 3059 Dwight What?
18345 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3060 Michael All right, everybody. This is your last meal, so eat up.
18346 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3060 Dwight From this point forward, you will not use the bathroom. We need to keep our starting weights high so we can lose more.
18347 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3061 Michael This summer, corporate is sponsoring a little weight loss contest between the branches. Whichever branch loses the most weight gets three extra vacation days.
18348 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3062 Meredith What should we do with all these leftovers?
18349 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3062 Stanley I'm taking the dumplings for my wife.
18350 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3062 Dwight No, no, no. This is your last meal. There will be no leftovers.
18351 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3062 Creed I can bring these to my shelter.
18352 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3062 Stanley I'm taking my dumplings.
18353 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3062 Dwight There. Take those home to your wife.
18354 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3062 Michael Dwight, Dwight!
18355 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3062 Dwight Michael, it's time.
18356 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3063 Dwight Hit the scales, everybody. Right on that black platform. This way. Step it up.
18357 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3063 Darryl Don't go breaking my scale.
18358 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3064 Andy I'm excited to lose weight for the wedding, because I really want to have washboard abs the first time Angela sees me naked.
18359 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3065 Holly Ex-squeeze me.
18360 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3065 Michael No, I will ex-squeeze you.
18361 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3065 Michael OK everybody. Get used to this because we are going to be standing here briefly every Monday for the next seven Mondays.
18362 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3065 Dwight Wait a minute. One more bite of eclair each. Hold it in your mouth if you can't swallow.
18363 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3065 Jim Really, nothing?
18364 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3065 Darryl 2,336 pounds. Y'all need to learn some portion control.
18365 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3065 Dwight Wait a minute. Pam is on the scale.
18366 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3065 Michael Oh, Pamcake. No, no, no. We would love your extra poundage, but you are going to be leaving us next week, so vamoose. Vamoose, Pam. Dunder Mifflin family only.
18367 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3065 Dwight Family only.
18368 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3065 Darryl All right, got it. 2,210 pounds.
18369 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3065 Kevin Pam, you weigh 226 pounds?
18370 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3065 Holly Almost, Kevin.
18371 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3065 Pam Not almost, though, Holly. I mean, not -- not close to 200...
18372 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3065 Holly Math is hard.
18373 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3065 Kevin Yeah.
18374 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3065 Pam Just, we'll just keep going.
18375 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3066 Andy I'm totally gonna slaughter at the weigh-in today.
18376 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3066 Oscar All I had this weekend to eat was a chicken breast and a case of Diet Coke.
18377 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3066 Andy Really? 'Cause I haven't eaten anything since noon on Friday.
18378 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3066 Oscar OK. Stanley, come on.
18379 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3066 Stanley Oh, I forgot something in my car. I'll see you guys up there.
18380 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3067 Stanley I happen to be losing weight on my own for my own reasons. The truth is, I have lost a little of my speed, a little of my fire. Here's what I used to look like. Look at those biceps. We were fighting the power and eating whatever we wanted.
18381 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3068 Holly And arch your back. And slowly bring up your head.
18382 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3069 Michael Jimbo.
18383 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3069 Jim Ah, they moved the shower.
18384 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3069 Michael Did you see Holly's butt?
18385 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3069 Jim No, I didn't. You know why?
18386 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3069 Michael Why?
18387 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3069 Jim Because most of the time, friends don't talk about other friends' butts.
18388 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3069 Michael I know.
18389 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3069 Jim But what have you learned about her?
18390 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3069 Michael I learned that she broke her left leg twice in one year. I learned that she's allergic to sesame seeds. I learned that she has read "Lonesome Dove" three times.
18391 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3069 Jim Nice.
18392 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3069 Michael And that her butt refuses to quit!
18393 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3069 Jim Well, I tried.
18394 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3069 Michael You have to agree with me. That's insane.
18395 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3069 Jim I'll just go later.
18396 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3069 Michael I thought you had to pee.
18397 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3070 Oscar Hey, if you're into yoga, I take a great bikram class in Dickson City.
18398 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3070 Holly Oh, thanks. I should check that out.
18399 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3070 Oscar Also -- and no pressure -- the teacher? He's a catch.
18400 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3070 Holly Actually, I'm a lesbian.
18401 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3070 Oscar I'm gay!
18402 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3070 Holly I'm not a lesbian. I don't know why I said that... It's a joke.
18403 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3070 Oscar What's the joke?
18404 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3070 Holly There is no joke. I just said it because I haven't had much luck lately and I'm not really looking to date. Maybe I should switch to women.
18405 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3070 Oscar Oh, you think it's a choice?
18406 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3070 Holly Um, I'm gonna head back to my work area and just--
18407 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3070 Oscar I'm messing with you, Holly.
18408 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3070 Holly I knew that. OK, bye.
18409 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3070 Oscar OK.
18410 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3071 Jim So you have the directions.
18411 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3071 Pam Yes.
18412 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3071 Jim You have a toothbrush.
18413 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3071 Pam Yes.
18414 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3071 Jim You have a cell phone charger.
18415 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3071 Pam I have everything.
18416 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3072 Pam Tomorrow I start a three-month design program at the Pratt Institute in New York. I will be a little fish in the big apple. What up, 212?
18417 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3073 Dwight Fax this for me.
18418 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3073 Jim Come on, man. She goes to New York in like 10 minutes.
18419 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3073 Dwight It's not gonna take her 10 minutes to fax it, Jim. If I don't see you again, goodbye. Well, actually, I'll see you when you give me the fax confirmation, so never mind.
18420 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3074 Andy Ang. Ela. Ella, ella, ella. Under my Angerela. Ella, ella, ella. Ay, ay--
18421 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3074 Angela What?
18422 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3074 Andy Hey, check it out. This is The Breakers, Newport, Rhode Island. Huge, awesome gorgeous mansion overlooking the Atlantic. And my dad went to Cornell with the current groundskeeper.
18423 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3075 Andy Every little boy fantasizes about his fairy-tale wedding.
18424 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3076 Angela No. No.
18425 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3076 Andy This is where my parents decided not to get divorced.
18426 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3076 Angela I don't care.
18427 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3076 Andy OK. How do you feel about Maine? I'm on it. I'll see you later, love.
18428 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3077 Dwight Ahh. We done good in there, half pint.
18429 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3077 Angela Well, that was the last time, Dwight. I mean it.
18430 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3077 Dwight Monkey.
18431 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3077 Angela No, no. I have a fiance I very much like!
18432 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3078 Michael Hey, hey! Pam, Pam! Hey!
18433 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3078 Jim What happened?
18434 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3078 Michael I wrote you a goodbye poem. It's really long. I left it up in my office. Could you just please wait till I go get it?
18435 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3078 Pam I should really get going.
18436 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3078 Michael No. OK. Um, the last word is "seagulls."
18437 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3078 Pam I'm sure it was really lovely.
18438 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3078 Michael I took a lot from other poems.
18439 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3078 Jim Call me when you get in.
18440 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3078 Pam OK, bye.
18441 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3078 Jim Bye.
18442 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3078 Michael All right, call--
18443 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3078 Pam No, Michael.
18444 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3079 Jim Why haven't I proposed yet? Uh, actually Pam and I talked about it. And we just decided that, um -- well, we didn't want to spend first three months of our engagement apart. And Pam's always said she doesn't want a long engagement. Something in her past, I guess. I'm not really sure of the whole story, but something about a guy who used to work here...
18445 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3080 Michael OK, no, no, no, no, no, no. Same places as last week.
18446 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3080 Angela It doesn't matter, Michael.
18447 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3080 Michael Yes, it does. No, this is about weight displacement. We have to have the same weight distribution. Right here. Here we go. Let's move that up. Here we go.
18448 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3080 Holly Oh, fancy meeting you here.
18449 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3080 Michael All right.
18450 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3080 Darryl OK, everybody smile. Ho! You lost 31 pounds.
18451 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3080 Michael All right!
18452 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3081 Jim I can't believe I'm saying this, but Michael is actually killing it with Holly. And I think I know why. It's because Holly is kind of a major dork.
18453 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3082 Michael I'm MC Mike Scott, and I am hot. She's DJ Jazzy Flax, and she is the best. All those sucker branches can suck our fat!
18454 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3082 Holly Wikka wikka wikka what?
18455 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3083 Ronnie Dunder Mifflin, this is Ronnie.
18456 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3084 Jim I don't really know Ronnie. But I have a feeling I will get to know her very well over the next few years, and eventually declare my love for her.
18457 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3085 Professor Sorry I'm late. I accidentally switched my alarm clock setting to Zapf Chancery. Which is my terrible segue into our course, Expressive Typography in New Media.
18458 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3085 Pam I'm in the wrong class...
18459 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3085 Professor Some of you may remember from last semester I am Professor Monaghan. And looks like I'm boring someone already.
18460 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3085 Pam Oh, no. I just--
18461 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3085 Professor Please sit down.
18462 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3086 Holly You're shaking. Are you all right?
18463 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3086 Kelly Just leave me alone!
18464 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3087 Kelly I am on the third day of my cleanse diet. All I have to do is drink maple syrup, lemon juice, cayenne pepper and water for all three meals. Um, I just bought some bikinis online, size 2. So ... gonna look amazing.
18465 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3088 Ronnie Hi, can I help you?
18466 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3088 Jan I need you to make me 100 copies of this on canary yellow.
18467 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3088 Kevin Hi Jan.
18468 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3088 Jan Hi.
18469 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3088 Kevin How's the candle game?
18470 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3088 Jan Oh, great. Yeah, Serenity by Jan is kicking ass and taking names. You remember last week when that girl went missing? Guess whose candles they used for the vigil?
18471 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3088 Kevin Cool. Thank God they found her, too.
18472 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3088 Jan Oh, they found her?
18473 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3089 Michael Hi, Jan. Hello, baby. How are you? Good to see you. Who's your daddy? You don't know who your daddy is, do you? No, you don't. Come on. Let's go in.
18474 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3090 Jim When Michael told us that Jan was pregnant, he led us to believe that he was the father. By telling us that he was the father.
18475 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3091 Holly Hey, Oscar. Who's that woman in Michael's office with the feet?
18476 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3091 Jan That's his ex.
18477 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3091 Holly Oh, she's very beautiful.
18478 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3091 Oscar Yes, she is. And clinically insane.
18479 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3091 Holly So, listen, I don't know if your offer still stands or whatever, but you can give your yoga teacher my number.
18480 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3091 Oscar OK.
18481 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3092 Angela Listen, dummy! It's not that hard. All you have to do is take the numbers from the sales report and type them into a master spreadsheet. A G.D. monkey could do it. I do not understand why you can't do it.
18482 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3092 Holly No! You do not talk to him like that!
18483 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3092 Angela But he's an idiot!
18484 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3092 Kevin Hey!
18485 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3092 Holly He is not an idiot!
18486 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3092 Kevin Thank you, Holly.
18487 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3092 Holly He is mentally challenged. But he's doing a super job here.
18488 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3092 Kevin Wait, back up. Do you think that I am retarded?
18489 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3092 Holly Well, no. Dwight...
18490 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3092 Angela Oh, Holly, that is very offensive.
18491 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3092 Holly I'm sorry.
18492 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3093 Andy Hey. So, since my little lady has such particular, impossible to perceive taste, I have made nonrefundable deposits at four totally different wedding locales: Hot-air balloons over Napa Valley, world-famous Walt Disney's Epcot Center, scuba-diving wedding in the Bahamas and the Wilkes-Barre Marriott Ballroom C.
18493 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3093 Angela Dangerous. Tacky. Sharks. Haunted. No.
18494 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3094 Angela Hurry, we have to make this fast.
18495 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3094 Dwight Let's do this thing.
18496 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3094 Angela Hey!
18497 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3095 Angela I have a nice comforter and several cozy pillows. I usually read a chapter of a book, and it's lights out by 8:30. That's how I sleep at night!
18498 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3096 Jim All right, I am connecting and ... you are not there. Did you install it right? How about this: Go to applications--
18499 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3096 Pam I can see you!
18500 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3096 Jim All right!
18501 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3096 Pam This is so cool.
18502 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3096 Jim So what is going on, girl in the computer?
18503 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3096 Pam Lunch with a girl from my hall.
18504 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3096 Jim Uh-huh.
18505 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3096 Pam Ceramics class. Then dinner by myself. I'm gonna watch HGTV and maybe go to Bungalow 8 with John Mayer.
18506 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3096 Dwight OK, can you turn the girl off please? I'm trying to get some work done.
18507 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3096 Michael No way. No way. Pam Beesley. Hello. Hey, everybody look, Pam. Pam, say hi. Say hi to Pam. Don't we all look skinny? Oh, oh, almost dropped you!
18508 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3096 Pam Can you put me down I'm getting a little nauseous?
18509 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3096 Michael Pam, I'd like you to meet Ronnie. We call her Rice-a-Ronnie. She is hilarious. She is wonderful, a beam of light in this dark, dark office. Not really so much. All she does is plop herself down there and answer phones all day.
18510 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3096 Pam The nerve.
18511 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3096 Michael Oh, calm down, weirdo. It's just a joke. She's such a weirdo! You know what? My real beef with her, though, Pam? She can't find those little colored paper clips that I like so much. Will you help her find them, please?
18512 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3096 Pam They're on the supply shelf.
18513 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3096 Michael Let's go. We are following Pam to the supply shelf. Let us go.
18514 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3097 Pam New York is so exciting. I love my classes. The city's awesome. Um, can you give me back to Jim now, please?
18515 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3098 Michael OK, everybody, let's suck in our guts.
18516 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3098 Darryl 2,184 pounds, for a grand total -- oh! You all gained five pounds back.
18517 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3098 Michael Damn it. Come on.
18518 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3098 Oscar Oh!
18519 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3098 Kevin Oh, my God!
18520 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3099 Dwight Come on, Bernard.
18521 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3099 Michael Here we go. Everybody on.
18522 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3099 Dwight All right, we're set.
18523 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3099 Darryl Still good. You guys lost a pound. You lost one pound.
18524 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3099 Kelly I was on an IV for two days at the hospital.
18525 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3100 Stanley I lost four pounds. I don't know what those other fools were doing, but I lost four pounds.
18526 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3101 Phyllis Angela, you'll go to the supermarket and get the New York cheesecake. Make sure it's the generic one. It's Stanley's favorite.
18527 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3102 Phyllis Yes, I've replaced Angela as head of the party planning committee. I guess I was just in the right place at the right time.
18528 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3103 Michael How's it going?
18529 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3103 Phyllis It's going well.
18530 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3103 Michael Good.
18531 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3103 Holly I have a crazy idea. What if we did, um, fruit instead of cake?
18532 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3103 Michael Cake? Who suggested cake?
18533 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3103 Phyllis We lost weight today. I think it's OK to reward ourselves once in a while.
18534 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3103 Michael Are you kidding me? We only lost one pound, Phyllis.
18535 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3104 Michael What is wrong with these people? They have no willpower. I went -- I once went 28 years without having s*x. And then again for seven years.
18536 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3105 Michael Does anyone have any idea what the number one cause of death is in this country?
18537 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3105 Dwight Shotgun weddings.
18538 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3105 Jim That's not what that is.
18539 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3105 Creed Fright. Being scared to death.
18540 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3105 Michael No.
18541 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3105 Holly Obesity-caused illnesses.
18542 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3105 Dwight Obesity-caused illnesses.
18543 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3105 Michael Thank you. Holly is right. People, this is not just about winning some extra vacation days. This is about a very cool HR initiative that if we don't follow, we are all going to die of obesity. So how much are we gonna lose?
18544 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3105 Jim I would like to lose 65 pounds.
18545 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3105 Michael Yes, all right. Who else? Can I put you down for 10 pounds?
18546 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3105 Angela No. My doctor wants me to gain weight.
18547 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3105 Michael If you gain weight, you will die. I want you to live forever. I want us all to live forever. How? How are we going to do this?
18548 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3105 Jim Cryogenics. Beer me five.
18549 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3105 Michael This is how we're gonna do it. Five pounds. I'm asking each of you to lose five pounds. That plus Jim's 65 will give us a very good chance at winning this thing.
18550 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3106 Jim All right, I'm taking off.
18551 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3106 Michael Booty call.
18552 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3106 Jim Nope, just going to see Pam.
18553 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3106 Michael Here.
18554 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3106 Jim Maybe put up some shelves.
18555 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3106 Michael Wait a second. I don't want you to end up with a surprise pregnancy like me.
18556 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3106 Jim OK, thank you for ... this.
18557 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3106 Michael You want more?
18558 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3106 Jim No.
18559 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3107 Andy I don't know if there's any one place that has all these things.
18560 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3107 Angela It's not my problem.
18561 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3107 Andy Thousand-year-old church in the continental United States. There has to be a rainbow. 24-hour veterinarian on call.
18562 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3107 Angela That is very important to me, so -- I have work to do. Just do it.
18563 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3107 Andy Sweetheart. Just so you know, I don't care where we get married. I'll marry you right here in this building. I'll marry you in the parking lot. I'll marry you in the eye of a hurricane in the middle of a snowstorm on top of a monsoon. All I care about is that we're gonna spend the rest of our lives together.
18564 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3107 Andy Hey-oh!
18565 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3107 Angela I know I haven't made this easy on you.
18566 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3108 Jim Hi.
18567 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3108 Pam Hi. Mmm. 'Cause--
18568 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3108 Jim Oh, that's so rude of me. Have you seen, um, Pam's new art? It's right there. Check it out.
18569 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3109 Michael It's a pretty lame party.
18570 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3109 Ronnie Does anyone want to dance?
18571 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3110 Jim Some girl came into Pam's room crying about her roommate stealing her soy milk. So I'm in here waiting it out.
18572 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3111 Phyllis Stanley, Michael's not here. You can eat a slice of your birthday cake.
18573 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3111 Stanley I don't like cake anymore
18574 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3111 Andy Why not, dawg?
18575 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3111 Stanley Tastes changed. Now all I like is baklava.
18576 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3112 Dwight Michael, we have a situation.
18577 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3113 Dwight They should not be in that room.
18578 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3113 Holly That's so lame they didn't invite us.
18579 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3113 Michael You know what we should do? We should have a party and not invite them.
18580 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3113 Dwight Yeah!
18581 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3113 Michael Let's go mini-golfing.
18582 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3113 Holly Hey, could I have a rain check on the mini-golf. I, uh, actually have a date tonight.
18583 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3113 Michael Uh...
18584 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3113 Holly It'll probably be a total disaster, but...
18585 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3113 Michael Um, I think you'll have fun. Men from Scranton are handsome, and they know how to show a woman a good time.
18586 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3113 Dwight Not that guy who murdered his mother. He was not so handsome. Also Kevin.
18587 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3113 Michael You know what? We're pretty much done here today. Why don't you just take off early?
18588 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3113 Holly Really?
18589 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3113 Michael Yeah.
18590 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3113 Holly Oh, that's sweet. Wish me luck.
18591 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3113 Michael Good luck.
18592 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3114 Michael Oh, Holly doesn't need luck. Everyone that meets her instantly loves her.
18593 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3115 Dwight Party's over. You are so busted!
18594 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3115 Michael OK, everybody. Phyllis, did I or did I not say fruit?
18595 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3115 Phyllis You said fruit, Michael.
18596 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3115 Michael And what is that?
18597 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3115 Phyllis Cake.
18598 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3115 Michael You know, we're gonna have to try a little harder if we are going to win this thing.
18599 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3115 Dwight Happy Birthday, Stanley!
18600 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3116 Holly It's kind of a good news, bad news situation. The bad news is we're not doing very well, so we really had to starve ourselves this whole week. But the good news is that all the other branches are doing just as bad as we are, so corporate upped the prize to five days. So if we stay fat long enough, we may actually get a whole month off.
18601 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3117 Kevin What?
18602 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3117 Creed Oh nothing.
18603 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3117 Kelly It's just some of us are taking this really seriously.
18604 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3118 Kelly I swallowed a tapeworm last night. It's going to grow up to three feet inside of me and then it eats all my food so that I don't get fat. And then after three months I take some medicine and then I pass it. Creed sold it to me. It's from Mexico.
18605 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3119 Creed That wasn't a tapeworm.
18606 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3120 Ryan How's my favorite branch doing? All right .
18607 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3121 Michael Ronnie was bleh. Things were at an all time sad here. But then I got an e-mail from Ryan, that he was coming back to town. And I called the temp agency and I told them I will pay you any amount, just give me Ryan Howard. Give him to me. I want him. I need him.
18608 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3122 Ryan And you got a goatee!
18609 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3122 Michael I did!
18610 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3122 Ryan Did you get that after you helped me move and you saw mine?
18611 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3122 Michael Yes. Gooooo-tee!
18612 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3122 Kevin Firrrrre-duh guy!
18613 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3122 Ryan Hey Kevin... That's really funny.
18614 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3122 Kevin Yeah.
18615 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3122 Ryan It's great to see you Kev.
18616 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3122 Kevin You too.
18617 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3123 Ryan I'm keeping a list... of everyone who wrongs me. So when I'm back on top, they'll be sorry. Kevin just made the list.
18618 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3124 Ryan Jim. I wanted to apologize... for how I treated you last year. I lost sight of myself and now that I've quit the rat race I've realized there's so much more to life than being the youngest VP in the company's history. I've even started volunteering. Giving back to the community.
18619 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3124 Jim Well that's great. You're talking about your court ordered community service?
18620 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3124 Ryan I don't need a judge to tell me to keep my community clean.
18621 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3124 Jim But he did, right?
18622 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3124 Ryan All right.
18623 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3124 Jim All right.
18624 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3125 Darryl Well you lost zero pounds. No change. On the bright side you gained zero pounds.
18625 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3125 Michael Hey, you know what? I can't do this by myself people! Kelly and I are the only ones who have either passed out or almost passed out.
18626 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3125 Andy Damnit, I need these five days for my honeymoon! Who is slacking?
18627 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3125 Holly Ok, let's just all try and work harder, ok?
18628 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3125 Andy NO! I want names!
18629 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3126 Andy This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my entire life. I haven't had a very hard life.
18630 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3127 Oscar So how was your date?
18631 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3127 Holly Eight point five. I got a red wine stain on my favorite shirt. But he's cute, right?
18632 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3127 Holly What's wrong?
18633 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3127 Michael Mmm--- mmm... Um...
18634 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3128 Michael Close the door. This is your fault.
18635 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3128 Jim Nope.
18636 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3128 Michael Your stupid friend zone.
18637 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3128 Jim Mmm.
18638 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3128 Michael I should have been lovers with her first and then friends. That was terrible advice. Terrible advice! You know my seduction method. I like to get in there and get my hands dirty! Wh--- You sabotaged me. You sabotaged me, man!
18639 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3129 Dwight Attention! Attention! We only have a few weeks left. And most of you are just as fat as the day we began.
18640 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3129 Jim How much weight have you lost, Dwight?
18641 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3129 Dwight I am hardly the problem, Jim.
18642 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3129 Jim No, you're definitely the problem.
18643 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3129 Dwight This is what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna randomly select three names and these three people will get liposuction. Uhhhhh Stanley, Phyllis, Kevin. And you will be responsible for your own medical bills.
18644 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3130 Ryan Kelly.
18645 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3130 Kelly Oh, hello Ryan. You look well.
18646 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3130 Ryan I wanted to say I'm sorry... for treating you bad the past couple years. I was in my mid twenties and I was goin' through a lot of stuff. I think I never fully processed 9/11. Um, I want you to know I've changed.
18647 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3130 Kelly Cool.
18648 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3130 Ryan We should get a drink later. Catch up. Pick me up around eight?
18649 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3130 Kelly Oh that is so sweet. Um, but I'm dating Darryl, still, and we're like crazy in love so...
18650 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3130 Ryan That--- I, um... cool. Well maybe I'll see you around.
18651 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3130 Kelly It's a small office.
18652 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3130 Ryan Yeah.
18653 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3131 Dwight Hello Phyllis. Do you have a minute? Listen. I'm really sorry... about what I said before. Ok? I was way out of line.
18654 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3131 Phyllis Yes you were.
18655 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3131 Dwight But you know what, I want to make it up to you. There is a sure fire sale, but it's a two man job. Interested?
18656 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3131 Phyllis Split the commission?
18657 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3131 Dwight Sixty - forty. Hm? I'll drive.
18658 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3132 Holly Dieting's only half of it.
18659 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3132 Michael Mmm-hmm. Saunas.
18660 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3132 Holly And exercise. Although I know everybody loves going to the gym.
18661 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3132 Michael Gah, the dreadmill.
18662 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3133 Jim Probably the weirdest thing about Pam being gone would be lunch... actually. But um, it will force me to become acquaintances with people I consider... coworkers.
18663 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3134 Friend Oh, my God. Ok. Everybody just act normal. Don't say anything.
18664 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3134 Pam What?
18665 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3134 Friend My ex-girlfriend. She's right behind you. Just... hide me.
18666 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3134 Pam Really, where?
18667 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3134 Friend No no! Don't look!
18668 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3134 Pam Wow, was it the age difference?
18669 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3134 Friend Uh, actually, kind of. Yes. I just didn't like eating dinner that early.
18670 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3134 Pam Hey! Jim! Um, listen, can I call you back in a little bit? I made friends!
18671 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3135 Phyllis Are you insane?!
18672 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3135 Dwight Hey, hey!
18673 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3135 Oscar Oh my God, what happened?
18674 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3135 Phyllis There was no client. Dwight drove me to an abandoned warehouse five miles away and pushed me out of the car. I had to walk home with no money and no phone.
18675 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3135 Dwight And you burned over a thousand calories walking home. And this branch just got a little bit closer to winning the contest. Phyllis Vance, ladies and gentlemen!
18676 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3135 Phyllis You left me in a bad part of town!
18677 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3135 Dwight Yeah, I took your purse. What are you worried about? You look great. I can definitely see the difference.
18678 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3135 Phyllis Phyllis Vance for David Wallace.
18679 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3136 Holly "...or that Dunder Mifflin does not discriminate. Nor does it condone unhealthy dieting habits or extreme weight loss strategies. As was clearly stated in the official starting---"
18680 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3136 Michael Ohhhh! Bang! Boom! Say Clump! Why hello everybody!
18681 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3136 Holly What are you doing?
18682 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3136 Jim Fair question.
18683 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3136 Michael I say, I say, I say, I say down Holly! I'll take it from here. I am beautiful. They are beautiful. He is beautiful. This big fat pig is beautiful.
18684 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3137 Michael It's my sumo suit. I just didn't inflate it all the way. I am so glad that I bought instead of rented.
18685 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3138 Michael Body image. We are here because there is something wrong with society.
18686 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3138 Jim See, you're always saying there's something wrong with society, but... maybe there's something wrong with you.
18687 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3138 Michael If it's me, then society made me that way. Now, I know a lot of you are probably asking yourself, "Why are you dressed in a plus sized suit?"
18688 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3138 Kevin Because you're kind of doing Michael Clump.
18689 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3138 Michael How do you know Michael Clump?
18690 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3138 Oscar Because it's your making-fun-of-fat-people character.
18691 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3138 Michael How dare you! Michael Clump is a celebration of fat people.
18692 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3138 Oscar I think of him as more like... a monster? What about, "I say, I say, I say, I'll sit on you!"
18693 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3138 Dwight No, no, no, it goes, it goes... look, "I say, I say, I say, I'll sit on you!"
18694 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3138 Michael No, no, no, NO, no! You know what? Fat people are not monsters! Why don't you guys have a little more sensitivity to the subject. Bang! Boom! Case in point! Look at the outside of this building. It is ugly. But you come inside... and it is beautiful. Just like this unappealing fat suit. Inside is a rather handsome, sexy, man.
18695 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3138 Dwight Vamping.
18696 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3138 Michael Hey! Why don't you just sit down, please?
18697 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3138 Dwight Eh, I've been sitting all day.
18698 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3138 Michael We're doing this because of you. So why don't you just go stand somewhere else. Hey. Hey. You shaved?
18699 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3138 Ryan I did.
18700 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3138 Michael Why?
18701 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3139 Professor So, in the year 2000, fungus and even black mold was discovered growing in the cave. Some blame it on the new air conditioning system they installed. Some, on the high powered lights. Others feel that fungus is do to an over---
18702 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3139 Pam Nice.
18703 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3139 Professor Quiet please.
18704 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3139 Pam Sorry.
18705 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3139 Friend Sorry.
18706 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3140 Michael Dwight, I would like you to apologize to this beautiful, beautiful woman for forcing her to walk five miles, which for her is basically a death march.
18707 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3140 Dwight She should thank me.
18708 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3140 Michael Ok Phyllis, thank Dwight first.
18709 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3140 Phyllis Why should I have to thank him?
18710 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3140 Michael You're right, you're right. Just, Dwight, do it. Just say it ok.
18711 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3140 Dwight I apologize for creating a ruse which forced you to exercise.
18712 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3140 Michael Finally. Right? Ok, Phyllis you must be exhausted from standing on those gams. Why don't you have a seat? Let's all clap at Phyllis. Ok! When Michael Clump wants to remind you that corporate... their idea, yes, was to urge you to lose weight, but more importantly what this whole thing is about, this contest is really about being healthy. And in order to be healthy, you have to eat, Kelly. Kelly. Kelly, I want you to stand up on your chair. Come on, stand up on your chair. Stand up, stand up, stand up. Somebody help her. Here we go. Ok, I want you to look at her. She's a beautiful Indian woman. Why? What makes her beautiful?
18713 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3140 Ryan Everything. She's perfect.
18714 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3140 Meredith I like her nails.
18715 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3140 Michael Ok, be more specific.
18716 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3140 Meredith I like her fingernails.
18717 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3140 Phyllis I like her purple dress.
18718 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3140 Michael What about her looks?
18719 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3140 Creed Hell of an ass.
18720 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3140 Kelly ...what else do people like?
18721 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3141 Phyllis I wonder what people like about me? ... Probably my jugs.
18722 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3142 Michael Kelly, will you just agree to stop this mess and stop trying to kill yourself?
18723 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3142 Kelly I hate dieting, I hate it so much. I hate this worm inside of me!
18724 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3142 Michael I want you to know. Kelly, look at me! I want you to know that you are beautiful. You are truly, truly beautiful. Give me a hug. Mmmmmm.
18725 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3143 Jim Summers going great. Just spent two hours listening to Michael Clump. I have a weird pain in my left side that I'm convinced is an ulcer. My girlfriend lives in New York and I haven't seen her in 10 days. How's your summer?
18726 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3144 Michael Hey Ryan, look. Shaved off my goatee. I am goateeless. We are the goateeless brothers.
18727 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3144 Ryan Oh...
18728 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3144 Michael Ahaha, Yep!
18729 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3144 Oscar How was Friday night?
18730 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3144 Holly Oh, I had a good time, but it's been three days and no call. I even have two tickets to see Counting Crows for tonight, so...
18731 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3144 Oscar He'll call.
18732 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3144 Michael Oscar, enough with the girl talk please.
18733 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3144 Darryl You guys lost four pounds.
18734 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3144 Michael Hey!
18735 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3144 Darryl I say we have a parade.
18736 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3144 Dwight We better.
18737 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3144 Michael Excellent! Good job.
18738 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3145 Jim So as it turns out, tonight is my nephews T-ball game and I kinda missed the first three, so...
18739 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3145 Pam You've already disappointed him so much. He can't be expecting a lot from you.
18740 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3145 Jim I know. I suck.
18741 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3145 Dwight Yes, you do.
18742 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3145 Jim Dwight says "Hi."
18743 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3145 Dwight I do not! I do not say "Hi" Pam!
18744 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3145 Jim Now he is saying "Hi" louder.
18745 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3145 Pam I... listen, umm, we're still good for this weekend, right?
18746 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3145 Jim Umm...
18747 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3145 Pam No football games, recitals, karate tournaments.
18748 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3145 Jim Hey, can you go to IM?
18749 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3145 Pam OK.
18750 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3145 Jim OK.
18751 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3145 Jim Let's meet for lunch.
18752 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3145 Dwight What are you writing about me?
18753 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3145 Pam What -- today?
18754 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3145 Jim Yeah. C'mon we'll meet halfway. You'll be back for your 4 o'clock class.
18755 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3145 Dwight I'm gonna write you both up for not working.
18756 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3145 Jim I'm gonna write you up for not working.
18757 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3145 Dwight Ok, well played. Neither of us'll write the other up for not working.
18758 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3145 Receptionitis15 Where?
18759 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3145 Jim The rest stop where that soda exploded on me. Exit 17, I think. 1 o'clock.
18760 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3145 Receptionitis15 Alright. See you there. : ) P.S. I finally finished my summer project.
18761 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3146 Michael Yeah, oh, hey. Did he call?
18762 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3146 Holly I just got off... Kendall? I just got off...
18763 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3146 Michael No no, did, I heard you talking to Oscar about that guy. What, what happened? Did he call?
18764 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3146 Holly Oh, no.
18765 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3146 Michael Really?
18766 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3146 Holly No.
18767 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3146 Michael Aach.
18768 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3146 Holly And you know what? I even got two tickets to see the Counting Crows tonight as a surprise. Why do guys not call when they say they are gonna call?
18769 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3146 Michael I dunno. I always call everybody back right away. He'll call back though. Give him until the end of the day, he'll call. If he doesn't, he is loco.
18770 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3146 Holly Thanks. That's sweet. Anyways, umm, seems like we lost to Utica by only eight pounds.
18771 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3146 Michael Ugh.
18772 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3146 Holly Well, at least everyone lost weight. That's all that really matters.
18773 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3146 Michael Wait, do we have until the end of the day?
18774 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3147 Holly So we're only eight pounds behind Utica. Now, I know it's a stretch but we could weigh ourselves again at the end of the day and maybe win this thing after all.
18775 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3147 Andy Leave it to me, boss. I can get this whole office to make weight. It's gonna be a little toasty in here. Good old fashioned sweat lodge.
18776 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3148 Andy Andy Bernard does not lose contests. He wins them... or he quits them because they are unfair.
18777 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3149 Michael Hey, is that healthy food?
18778 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3149 Kelly Nope.
18779 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3149 Michael We're trying to win a contest here, Kelly. Please?
18780 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3149 Jim Hey, Michael. I just scheduled lunch with a client so I might be back a little late.
18781 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3149 Michael Ok, that is fine. Just water, and be back by weigh-in, ok?
18782 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3149 Jim Perfect.
18783 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3150 Angela I hate to even ask because you have been so accommodating about all the wedding stuff.
18784 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3150 Andy Your wish is my command.
18785 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3150 Angela Is there any way our first dance can be to my favorite song, The Little Drummer Boy?
18786 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3150 Andy Of course!
18787 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3150 Angela Really?
18788 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3150 Andy Yeah! I mean it's a great song. I always thought it was bigger than Christmas anyway. You know?
18789 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3150 Angela Mmhmm.
18790 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3150 Andy And you know what? The guys already know it so it's easy breezy.
18791 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3150 Angela The guys?
18792 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3150 Andy I didn't tell you.
18793 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3150 Angela Mm-mm
18794 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3150 Andy Here Comes Treble, class of '96 was available for our big day, so, I booked 'em.
18795 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3150 Angela I don't think that...
18796 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3150 Andy And, they are collectively my best man. And they are crashing with us for three weeks, so... it totally works out.
18797 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3150 Angela I don't know if I want your old college a capella group to be our wedding band.
18798 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3150 Andy Ok, I hear you, sweetheart, but this is a deal breaker. But you know what? You're gonna love these guys. Carl 1, Carl 2, Broccoli Rob, Spare Rib, Doobie, Lunch Box, Boner Champ, that's me, Pubie Lewis and the News, Hopscotch, Jingle Jangle, Sandwich. These are the best best-man a guy could ever hope for.
18799 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3150 Angela Let's talk about this later.
18800 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3150 Andy Mm-wah!
18801 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3151 Pam Hey! This is not half-way! I did the math. I had to drive way longer than you. Montclair would have been closer, so you have to buy lunch.
18802 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3151 Pam What are you doing?
18803 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3151 Jim I just... couldn't wait.
18804 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3151 Pam Oh my God!
18805 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3151 Jim Pam, will you marry me?
18806 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3151 Pam Oh my God!
18807 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3151 Jim So?
18808 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3151 Pam Yes!
18809 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3152 Dwight God. Where is Jim?
18810 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3152 Holly I'm calling it. I guess that's curtains for the yoga guy.
18811 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3152 Michael Aww, really?
18812 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3152 Holly Yeah.
18813 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3152 Michael I have to say, I think the problem with that whole thing...
18814 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3152 Holly Yeah?
18815 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3152 Michael ...was that he was a complete stupid idiot.
18816 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3152 Holly Aww man, I really wanted to see them.
18817 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3152 Michael I know. I love Counting Crows.
18818 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3152 Holly Look at where my seats were.
18819 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3152 Michael Wow, really?
18820 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3152 Holly Yeah.
18821 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3152 Michael That's a shame. A shame to waste these. I want to buy them from you.
18822 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3152 Holly Michael, you don't have to buy them.
18823 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3152 Michael I do. No. I do. I, I want to. Trust me. I really do.
18824 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3152 Holly Ok.
18825 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3152 Michael Ok?
18826 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3152 Holly Yeah.
18827 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3152 Michael Alright. Alright! Just, I want you to just forget about him, ok? Case closed. Umm, can I pay you tomorrow? I have like a 60 dollar limit on my ATM, so...
18828 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3152 Holly Yeah.
18829 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3152 Michael Is that good?
18830 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3152 Holly Yeah.
18831 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3152 Jim Hey, sorry everybody.
18832 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3152 Dwight What are you smiling about there smiley pants? You're late.
18833 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3152 Andy Wet Tuna!
18834 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3152 Jim Hey Dwight.
18835 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3152 Michael OK.
18836 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3152 Jim What's up, Meredith?
18837 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3152 Meredith Nothing.
18838 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3152 Dwight Dripping on me.
18839 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3152 Michael Darryl, would you do the honors?
18840 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3152 Darryl Two thousand one hundred seventy-five. Sorry guys.
18841 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3152 Michael Nonono, no, no, I don't want to hear moaning. This is a good day. You guys accomplished something big. You lost a ton of weight, literally. A lot of weight. And I don't care what any stupid scale says. You guys are all gigantic losers.
18842 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3153 Stanley I don't know about anyone else. But it was a good summer for me. I lost seven pounds. And you know what? I'm just gonna take five days off anyway.
18843 5 1 Weight Loss (Parts 1&2) 3154 Toby Oh, I went zip lining my third day in Costa Rica. I guess the harness wasn't strapped in exactly right. I broke my neck. And, I've been in the hospital five weeks now. I still haven't seen the beach. It's nice to have visitors.
18844 5 3 Business Ethics 3155 Pam Well, I should go.
18845 5 3 Business Ethics 3155 Jim Alright. I'll tell everybody here that you say hi.
18846 5 3 Business Ethics 3155 Pam No, don't. I'm mad at them.
18847 5 3 Business Ethics 3155 Jim Why, what happened?
18848 5 3 Business Ethics 3155 Pam Not one of them called to congratulate me on our engagement.
18849 5 3 Business Ethics 3155 Jim Ah. That... they might be off the hook for because I... didn't tell them.
18850 5 3 Business Ethics 3155 Pam What? Why not?
18851 5 3 Business Ethics 3155 Jim I just didn't, you know, want a deal.
18852 5 3 Business Ethics 3155 Pam Come on, it won't be that bad.
18853 5 3 Business Ethics 3155 Jim OK. You know what? Here we go. Uh, everybody? I just want to make an announcement. Pam and I are engaged.
18854 5 3 Business Ethics 3155 Pam Hi everyone!
18855 5 3 Business Ethics 3155 Oscar I thought you were already engaged.
18856 5 3 Business Ethics 3155 Jim Nope.
18857 5 3 Business Ethics 3155 Angela That was Roy. She was engaged to Roy.
18858 5 3 Business Ethics 3155 Jim Thank you Angela.
18859 5 3 Business Ethics 3155 Kevin I got a gift for Pam and Roy. Do I have to get another one?
18860 5 3 Business Ethics 3155 Jim Yes.
18861 5 3 Business Ethics 3155 Andy A little close to my engagement there Tuna, what's your game here?
18862 5 3 Business Ethics 3155 Jim To get married.
18863 5 3 Business Ethics 3155 Dwight She's not a virgin, you know.
18864 5 3 Business Ethics 3155 Pam Wow.
18865 5 3 Business Ethics 3155 Michael What's going on?
18866 5 3 Business Ethics 3155 Pam No, nothing. Nothing Michael! Just saying hi.
18867 5 3 Business Ethics 3155 Creed The tall guy got engaged.
18868 5 3 Business Ethics 3155 Michael To be married?
18869 5 3 Business Ethics 3155 Jim Yep.
18870 5 3 Business Ethics 3155 Pam Sorry.
18871 5 3 Business Ethics 3156 Holly Pencils down! Just kidding, take your time.
18872 5 3 Business Ethics 3157 Holly Today is ethics day. After they finish their quiz I'm going to run my first ethics meeting here. It's gonna be insaaaaane. No, it's not. I have to read from the binder.
18873 5 3 Business Ethics 3158 Dwight I got it, I got it.
18874 5 3 Business Ethics 3158 Michael, Holly Let's get ethical! Ethical! I wanna get ethical! Let's get into Ethics yeah! Let me hear that Dunder Mifflin talk! Your body talk. Let me hear your body talk.
18875 5 3 Business Ethics 3158 Michael WOO! Alright!
18876 5 3 Business Ethics 3159 Michael "Why are you helping her? You're not even dating." She's my friend... and... ultimately my strategy is to merge this into a relationship... without her even knowing. Uh...
18877 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Michael Ok, let's give it for Miss... Holly Flaaaax!
18878 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Holly Thanks Michael. Today we're going to have a business ethics seminar because recently, without mentioning any names, there has been some misconduct at corporate and we have a very strict ethics policy and that employee has been fired.
18879 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Kevin Oh come on! He's right there. He was hired. Oh check it out, "Hired Guy."
18880 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Jim Nice.
18881 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Ryan Ok, elephant in the room. Let's talk about it. Do I regret what I did? Of course I do. Even though it was an amazing ride, and I'll give you an example. Anyone see Survivor season six? Anyone know Joanna on that show? In New York City, I hooked up with a girl who looked exactly like that. Indistinguishable. So...
18882 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Michael Ok. Well done. Good speech Ryan, you're a good guy.
18883 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Holly Let's start discussing those questionnaires that you filled in this morning. It is wrong to make personal calls during work hours. Now, some of you marked that you very strongly agree. But ideally you would have selected totally agree.
18884 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Phyllis I thought very strongly agree sounded stronger than totally agree.
18885 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Holly Corporate would like to emphasize that ideally you would all totally agree with that statement.
18886 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Michael Well, I think we can all totally agree that Holly is totally fantastic.
18887 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Holly Thank you. In fact, spending a half hour at the water cooler during work hours is a form of stealing.
18888 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Kelly What?
18889 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Holly Yes, it's called time theft, and it's the same as taking money from the company. Can anyone think of examples of things that are over the line time wasters?
18890 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Stanley This meeting.
18891 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Andy Hey-oh!
18892 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Dwight Yes.
18893 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Michael Can't set 'em up like that.
18894 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Kelly Why is ok for smokers to take breaks all the time? If I want to go outside and hang out once an hour, then I'll just take up smoking. I'll do it. I don't care.
18895 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Meredith I'll smoke with you. I got a bag of cigars in my purse.
18896 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Holly Stealing office supplies is another big ethical area that there seems to be some confusion about.
18897 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Michael Can we have a moment? Can I talk to you for a sec? Lot of good stuff. And you look... you look fantastic.
18898 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Dight Michael.
18899 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Michael Yeah.
18900 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Dwight What should we be working on while you guys are talking?
18901 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Michael Do some... do some work. People expect a lot from these meetings. Laughter, sudden twists. Surprise endings. You need to be Robin Williams and M. Night Shyamalan. You need to be Robin Shyamalan.
18902 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Holly Well, I just have to get through the binder.
18903 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Michael Do you... just... you're kind of losing them.
18904 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Holly I am?
18905 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Michael Yeah, don't think about the stakes. It'll freak you out.
18906 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Holly Ok. Michael makes a really good point so, uh, let's just open this up a little bit. Say my name is Lauren and here I am shopping in a supermarket and I steal a pencil. That's not right.
18907 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Michael Lauren, enough with the pencils.
18908 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Holly No, I have to go over pencils and office supplies. It's part of the ethics thing.
18909 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Oscar That isn't ethics. Ethics is a real discussion of the competing conceptions of the good. This is just the corporate anti-shoplifting rules.
18910 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Andy I'll drop an ethics bomb on you. Would you steal bread to feed your family? ... Boom!
18911 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Oscar Exactly, Andy.
18912 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Dwight It's a trick question. The bread is poisoned. Also, it's not your real family. You've been cuckolded by a stronger, smarter male.
18913 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Andy No that's... not how it works.
18914 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Michael I would not... steal the bread. And I would not let my family go hungry.
18915 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Holly Ok, but we should get back to business. Have any of you ever faced any ethical dilemmas in the workplace.
18916 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Michael Anybody? This is a chance for you to say something without any repercussions. Stanley? Oscar, come on.
18917 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Oscar Pass.
18918 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Michael I will go first. When I discovered YouTube I didn't work for five days. I did nothing. I viewed Cookie Monster sings Chocolate Rain about a thousand times.
18919 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Holly What was the dilemma?
18920 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Michael To tell you or not. And I'm glad I did. I feel very very good. Cathartic. I promise you that you are not going to get into trouble. You can say anything you want with total and complete immunity.
18921 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Holly Oh--- no no no.
18922 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Michael Yeah, . Come on, anybody. Let it fly.
18923 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Oscar Ok, once in a while I'll take a long lunch.
18924 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Michael A siesta!
18925 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Dwight Time thief. Time thief! Fire him!
18926 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Jim Dwight, you've really never stolen any company time?
18927 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Dwight Never!
18928 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Michael You are a thief of joy. Anybody else. Yeah?
18929 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Kelly Sometimes I download pirated music onto my work computer.
18930 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Michael Who hasn't? Good. Good! What else?
18931 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Holly No--- I, I'd like to hear more about that.
18932 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Michael Mmm...
18933 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Angela I once reported Oscar to the INS. Turns out he's clean, but I'm glad I did it.
18934 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Michael Well, let's keep this party movin' on.
18935 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Meredith I'll go. Have you guys ever met Bruce Meyers, the Scranton rep for Hammermill?
18936 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Michael Bruuuuuuuuuce.
18937 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Meredith Well for the past six years I have been sleeping with him in exchange for discounts on our supplies and Outback Steakhouse gift certificates.
18938 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Jim Jackpot.
18939 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Michael Ach! Wuh---
18940 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Holly Meredith, that is serious. I mean not only that a conflict of interests, there's also an exchange of goods.
18941 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Meredith Exchange of steak. Have you ever had sirloin steak, honey?
18942 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Michael That's crazy. That's crazy talk! Meredith! The Merenator, sleepin' with suppliers! Hoo-ooh! Wow! What time we got? You know what? That's a good place to end it. Right there. This, I think, was a great ethics seminar. She has given us a lot of wonderful things to think about. Right... what is wrong. Who's to say? Really. In the end. I mean because it is... unknowable. But, let's give her a round of applause. Holly, everybody. Holly! Get back to work. Great job. I am truly impressed. That, uh, you really pulled that one out. Classic. Classic meeting. We should celebrate.
18943 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Holly Michael, there is some serious issues with Meredith.
18944 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Michael Oh...
18945 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Holly I mean all of you have done things I wouldn't have done myself but Meredith's actions are really over the line.
18946 5 3 Business Ethics 3160 Michael Nnyeah. What ya gonna do?
18947 5 3 Business Ethics 3161 Holly So, regarding this supplier, approximately how many liaisons have there been?
18948 5 3 Business Ethics 3161 Meredith Liaisons, you mean meet-ups? I don't know, once a month for six years. Something like that.
18949 5 3 Business Ethics 3161 Michael Meredith, why don't you tell Holly... it's not what she thinks. Nothing unethical happened... and that you just like to sleep around.
18950 5 3 Business Ethics 3161 Meredith Am I in trouble here or something?
18951 5 3 Business Ethics 3161 Michael No... no, this is just a stupid formality.
18952 5 3 Business Ethics 3161 Holly No, it's not a formality. Now, were these, um, meet-ups just personal? Unrelated to business?
18953 5 3 Business Ethics 3161 Meredith Nah, I wouldn't have done it if it wasn't for the discount paper. There's not a lot of fruit in those looms.
18954 5 3 Business Ethics 3161 Michael Ughh! For the love of God we're trying to help you... stupid bag.
18955 5 3 Business Ethics 3161 Holly What I don't understand is... why the steak coupons? I mean, if you were already getting the discounted paper?
18956 5 3 Business Ethics 3161 Meredith ell it's funny. Maybe it's a girl thing, but after we did it, and he would give me those coupons, I just felt good about myself. Hey what's going on here? I thought I had immunity?
18957 5 3 Business Ethics 3161 Holly Well unfortunately immunity or something being off the record does not really exist in the workplace. I mean I've never heard of anyone who's kept their job after something like this.
18958 5 3 Business Ethics 3161 Meredith Well... I'm not quitting.
18959 5 3 Business Ethics 3162 Jim Yawn. Four seconds.
18960 5 3 Business Ethics 3162 Dwight What are you doing?
18961 5 3 Business Ethics 3162 Jim Oh you had said that you don't do anything personal during work time so... I'm just making sure.
18962 5 3 Business Ethics 3162 Dwight Oh, so wait a minute, you're going to time me every time I yawn? That's absurd. Really? Oh hey look, monkey knows how to use a stopwatch everybody! He's ti---
18963 5 3 Business Ethics 3162 Jim Personal conversation. Seventeen seconds.
18964 5 3 Business Ethics 3162 Dwight There is no way that that was---
18965 5 3 Business Ethics 3162 Jim One second.
18966 5 3 Business Ethics 3162 Michael Well, well. Holly... lujah! It's a miracle, you're at your desk.
18967 5 3 Business Ethics 3162 Holly It's Mike-raculous.
18968 5 3 Business Ethics 3162 Michael Hoo-ooh! Reaching! You'll get there. Anyway, I was giving it some thought, and there's no reason that two attractive, good looking, intelligent, funny, attractive people can't, you know, just... sit down and work this whole Meredith thing out.
18969 5 3 Business Ethics 3162 Holly Sounds good.
18970 5 3 Business Ethics 3162 Michael Good. Would you care to bang it out over lunch?
18971 5 3 Business Ethics 3162 Holly Oh I already bought this...
18972 5 3 Business Ethics 3162 Michael Oh no, no, no. Your food is no good here, my lady. Sorry! You know what? Let's go out! Dunder Mifflin's treat. Um, actually you're not a client... so... we'll just split it? Ethical.
18973 5 3 Business Ethics 3163 Holly So, I've gone over corporate policy.
18974 5 3 Business Ethics 3163 Michael What do you think? What do you think of this place?
18975 5 3 Business Ethics 3163 Holly Oh, it's very nice.
18976 5 3 Business Ethics 3163 Michael Istn't it? Yeah, it's kind of... business/romantic. So you're from Des Moines?
18977 5 3 Business Ethics 3163 Holly Mmm.
18978 5 3 Business Ethics 3163 Michael Wow, that sounds so... warm.
18979 5 3 Business Ethics 3163 Holly In Summer.
18980 5 3 Business Ethics 3163 Michael Here too. You know what my favorite season is?
18981 5 3 Business Ethics 3163 Holly Maybe we should talk about Meredith first.
18982 5 3 Business Ethics 3163 Michael Yeah, get the boring stuff out of the way. Autumn was what I was going to say. When the leaves change. It's just, I... I think it is the most contemplative of seasons.
18983 5 3 Business Ethics 3163 Holly Ok, so I have gone over this and I have thought about it and I just don't think there is any way I can write a report that doesn't end with her being terminated.
18984 5 3 Business Ethics 3163 Michael Wow, terminator, terminator.
18985 5 3 Business Ethics 3163 Holly I'm from da future.
18986 5 3 Business Ethics 3163 Michael Yeah.
18987 5 3 Business Ethics 3164 Jim Hey, Andy.
18988 5 3 Business Ethics 3164 Andy Yo.
18989 5 3 Business Ethics 3164 Jim By any chance, did you see Battlestar Galactica last night?
18990 5 3 Business Ethics 3164 Andy No, I did not. Was that any good?
18991 5 3 Business Ethics 3164 Jim Actually not. It was really so-so.
18992 5 3 Business Ethics 3164 Dwight Ok.
18993 5 3 Business Ethics 3164 Jim I mean I like all the crazy monsters and stuff. You know, like klingons and wookies and all that but... Sorry, was there something you wanted to add, Dwight?
18994 5 3 Business Ethics 3164 Andy Is that anything like the original Battlestar Galactica?
18995 5 3 Business Ethics 3164 Jim You know, it's weird. It's practically a shot for shot remake.
18996 5 3 Business Ethics 3164 Andy Really? Huh, that's cool.
18997 5 3 Business Ethics 3164 Jim Story's kinda bland. It's about this guy named Dumbledore Calrissian who needs to return the ring back to Mordor.
18998 5 3 Business Ethics 3164 Andy Really? That doesn't sound right.
18999 5 3 Business Ethics 3165 Michael I just don't want my employees thinking that their jobs depend on performance. I mean, what sort of place is that to call home? And Meredith needs this job. This is her main source of money.
19000 5 3 Business Ethics 3165 Holly Well, that's very sweet but we have to follow the protocol. Those are the rules.
19001 5 3 Business Ethics 3165 Michael Ok, new idea. We don't report it at all. We just punish her.
19002 5 3 Business Ethics 3165 Holly We punish her?
19003 5 3 Business Ethics 3165 Michael Mmhmm, tell her she can't have s*x for six months.
19004 5 3 Business Ethics 3165 Holly I don't think we could enforce that.
19005 5 3 Business Ethics 3165 Michael I don't know. I saw this thing, like a belt with a key.
19006 5 3 Business Ethics 3165 Holly A chastity belt.
19007 5 3 Business Ethics 3165 Michael No, it's more of a underwear garment that has little spikes like made of, sometimes they are made of metal. You know what I am talking about. You unlock a little door that... down... where you, where you put, where you put the...
19008 5 3 Business Ethics 3166 Jim He has not stopped working for a second. At 12:45 he sneezed while keeping his eyes open, which I always thought was impossible. At 1:32 he peed, and I know that because he did it in an open soda bottle under the desk while filling out expense reports. And on the flip side, I have been so busy watching him that I haven't even started work. It's exhausting, being this vigilant. I'll probably have to go home early today.
19009 5 3 Business Ethics 3167 Michael I am just saying that I don't think that you understand what I am saying.
19010 5 3 Business Ethics 3167 Holly No, you are saying that we should sweep it under the carpet, accept the discount on supplies, not fire Meredith and pretend like the whole thing never happened.
19011 5 3 Business Ethics 3167 Michael Yes.
19012 5 3 Business Ethics 3167 Holly What am I saying?
19013 5 3 Business Ethics 3167 Michael Well... bleh busted. I don't...
19014 5 3 Business Ethics 3167 Holly I'm saying that her behavior is unethical and a little icky and I don't think I want to work in an environment where that sort of conduct is tolerated.
19015 5 3 Business Ethics 3167 Michael Well, you have to tolerate a lot when you are part of a family.
19016 5 3 Business Ethics 3167 Holly It's not a family. It's a workplace.
19017 5 3 Business Ethics 3168 Michael I will be honest with you. That car ride did not go well and that was not my fault. The only reason I am standing out here right now is because I don't want to take the elevator with her. And I am holding on to her leftovers.
19018 5 3 Business Ethics 3169 Jim 19 minutes and 48 seconds. What were we doing for 19 minutes and 48 seconds?
19019 5 3 Business Ethics 3169 Dwight None of your business.
19020 5 3 Business Ethics 3169 Jim So I guess I can assume that was personal.
19021 5 3 Business Ethics 3169 Dwight Fine.
19022 5 3 Business Ethics 3169 Jim So maybe you're not completely ethical after all.
19023 5 3 Business Ethics 3169 Dwight Yes, maybe I'm not.
19024 5 3 Business Ethics 3170 Holly It's been a little tense. People are suspicious of me. And my best friend in the office won't even talk to me. Turns out being the morality police does not make you popular. I should know because in middle school I was the hall monitor and the kids used to stuff egg salad in my locker. I was just hoping middle school was over.
19025 5 3 Business Ethics 3171 Ryan Kendall from corporate HR is on line one and Holly is on her way in too.
19026 5 3 Business Ethics 3171 Michael What's the only thing worse than one HR rep?
19027 5 3 Business Ethics 3171 Ryan Two HR reps.
19028 5 3 Business Ethics 3171 Michael You get me.
19029 5 3 Business Ethics 3171 Holly Can I sit?
19030 5 3 Business Ethics 3171 Michael I don't know. Can you? Kendall, my main man.
19031 5 3 Business Ethics 3171 Kendall Listen, Holly, Michael, I just got the report that your branch submitted and there's a lot of stuff about a relationship Meredith is having with..
19032 5 3 Business Ethics 3171 Holly Yes, that came out during the ethics seminar.
19033 5 3 Business Ethics 3171 Michael Let the record show that it was during the immunity part of the seminar.
19034 5 3 Business Ethics 3171 Kendall Well, I'm not sure these circumstances warrant any action.
19035 5 3 Business Ethics 3171 Holly Oh, I think it is pretty clear that it was unethical.
19036 5 3 Business Ethics 3171 Kendall Well, from what I can gather it seems like a gray area. Look, to be honest the company is getting a discount at a tough time in our balance sheet and I don't know that the right thing to do for the company is to turn our noses up at that.
19037 5 3 Business Ethics 3171 Holly Umm, Kendall, I understand that the discount is good for the company but I'm just not happy about the way we are getting it.
19038 5 3 Business Ethics 3171 Kendall I thought it was clear with you, Holly. Your task was to get signatures from the employees showing that they completed the training.
19039 5 3 Business Ethics 3171 Holly No, I understand.
19040 5 3 Business Ethics 3171 Kendall Every other branch has managed to get this to us so if it's not something you can handle then that's a different discussion.
19041 5 3 Business Ethics 3171 Holly No. I can do it.
19042 5 3 Business Ethics 3171 Kendall Good.
19043 5 3 Business Ethics 3172 Michael How do you tell somebody that you care about deeply, "I told you so." Gently with a rose? In a funny way, like it's a hilarious joke? Or do you just let it go, because saying it would just make things worse? ... Probably the funny way.
19044 5 3 Business Ethics 3173 Holly Can I have everyone's attention? Excuse me, may I have everyone's attention, please. We need to finish the ethics seminar.
19045 5 3 Business Ethics 3173 Andy No way, lady.
19046 5 3 Business Ethics 3173 Kevin It's a trap.
19047 5 3 Business Ethics 3173 Holly Everyone, please, I just need your signatures to show corporate that I gave you the training.
19048 5 3 Business Ethics 3173 Meredith Don't sign anything.
19049 5 3 Business Ethics 3173 Michael Ok, everybody listen up. If you are not in that conference room in two minutes I am going to kill you.
19050 5 3 Business Ethics 3173 Stanley It's a quarter to five and I have started to gather my things.
19051 5 3 Business Ethics 3173 Michael Get in there right now or I'm gonna lose it!
19052 5 3 Business Ethics 3173 Meredith Am I getting fired?
19053 5 3 Business Ethics 3173 Michael Now is really not the time, Meredith.
19054 5 3 Business Ethics 3174 Holly In this next section we examine the difference between sick days and personal days. Sick days are only to be used when an illness precludes you form doing your job or can spread to your coworkers. Personal days, on the other hand, are much more flexible.
19055 5 3 Business Ethics 3175 Phyllis Thank you, Meredith, this was delicious.
19056 5 3 Business Ethics 3175 Meredith Hey, where is the steak sauce?
19057 5 3 Business Ethics 3175 Kevin I think we're out.
19058 5 3 Business Ethics 3175 Meredith I got some in my minivan somewhere.
19059 5 3 Business Ethics 3175 Andy Wait a second, how does the steak factor in again?
19060 5 3 Business Ethics 3175 Kevin I think she got it as a tip, but I don't know why she didn't just take cash.
19061 5 3 Business Ethics 3175 Phyllis I don't care what she's doing. I just hope she keeps doing it.
19062 5 3 Business Ethics 3175 Stanley Amen. Just keep the ribs coming.
19063 5 4 Baby Shower 3176 Dwight Hey Michael?
19064 5 4 Baby Shower 3176 Michael Yeah.
19065 5 4 Baby Shower 3176 Dwight Contractions are coming every ten minutes.
19066 5 4 Baby Shower 3176 Michael OK, just remember to keep breathing.
19067 5 4 Baby Shower 3176 Dwight My cervix is ripening.
19068 5 4 Baby Shower 3176 Michael OK, good.
19069 5 4 Baby Shower 3177 Jim Jan is about to have a baby with a sperm donor. And Michael is preparing for the birth of a watermelon with Dwight. Now, this baby will be related to Michael through delusion.
19070 5 4 Baby Shower 3178 Dwight Michael! My water's breaking!
19071 5 4 Baby Shower 3178 Michael Oh, OK! OK!
19072 5 4 Baby Shower 3178 Dwight Aaaaaaaa! What do you do? What do you do?
19073 5 4 Baby Shower 3178 Michael I get a call from Jan and I meet her at the hospital.
19074 5 4 Baby Shower 3178 Dwight Right. Highways or surface roads?
19075 5 4 Baby Shower 3178 Michael I take Quincy Ave to Gibson.
19076 5 4 Baby Shower 3178 Dwight No, Gibson is covered in potholes. Your car breaks down. Adapt!
19077 5 4 Baby Shower 3178 Michael I checked the route - there are no potholes. Come on, get in here and have the baby.
19078 5 4 Baby Shower 3178 Dwight It's about adapting to the circumstances.
19079 5 4 Baby Shower 3178 Michael Andy, would you like to have my baby?
19080 5 4 Baby Shower 3178 Andy Yes! Yeah. Aaaaaaaa! Aaaaaaaa! Aaaaaaaa!
19081 5 4 Baby Shower 3178 Dwight No. OK, no. I'm crowning! I'm crowning! Aaaaaaaa!
19082 5 4 Baby Shower 3178 Michael All right, OK. Sorry. Sorry. Here we go. Here we go!
19083 5 4 Baby Shower 3178 Dwight The pressure! The pressure!
19084 5 4 Baby Shower 3178 Michael Do it! Do it! Scream! Scream it out, scream it out, scream it out.
19085 5 4 Baby Shower 3178 Dwight Aaaaaaaa!
19086 5 4 Baby Shower 3178 Michael Aaaaaaaa!
19087 5 4 Baby Shower 3179 Dwight Babies are one of my many areas of expertise. Growing up, I performed my own circumcision.
19088 5 4 Baby Shower 3180 Michael Just keep pushing...
19089 5 4 Baby Shower 3180 Dwight Hold me!
19090 5 4 Baby Shower 3180 Michael I'm right here.
19091 5 4 Baby Shower 3180 Dwight Cradle my head!
19092 5 4 Baby Shower 3180 Michael I'm right here, I'm right here.
19093 5 4 Baby Shower 3180 Dwight I'm screaming, I'm screaming, I'm screaming! Aaaaaaaa!
19094 5 4 Baby Shower 3180 Michael All right. Dwight. Just push and breathe.
19095 5 4 Baby Shower 3180 Dwight Numb me up. I want anesthesia!
19096 5 4 Baby Shower 3180 Michael Shhh. No, you can't have it. It's too late.
19097 5 4 Baby Shower 3180 Dwight No! I don't want natural!
19098 5 4 Baby Shower 3180 Michael No. You have to just push it out!
19099 5 4 Baby Shower 3180 Dwight OK!
19100 5 4 Baby Shower 3180 Michael Keep simulating.
19101 5 4 Baby Shower 3180 Dwight Aaaaaaaa!
19102 5 4 Baby Shower 3180 Michael OK!
19103 5 4 Baby Shower 3180 Dwight Do you have the Sharpie?!
19104 5 4 Baby Shower 3180 Michael Keep simulating.
19105 5 4 Baby Shower 3180 Dwight Do you have the Sharpie?!
19106 5 4 Baby Shower 3180 Michael Yes, I do!
19107 5 4 Baby Shower 3180 Dwight OK! When the baby emerges, mark it secretly in a kind of a mark that only you could recognize and no baby snatcher can ever copy.
19108 5 4 Baby Shower 3180 Michael OK.
19109 5 4 Baby Shower 3180 Dwight Ready?!
19110 5 4 Baby Shower 3180 Michael Yes.
19111 5 4 Baby Shower 3180 Dwight Aaaaaaaa!
19112 5 4 Baby Shower 3180 Michael Aaaaaaaa! It's coming! Here we go! Oh! God! Wow! What was on that?
19113 5 4 Baby Shower 3180 Dwight Butter. Newborns are slippery.
19114 5 4 Baby Shower 3180 Michael Nice touch. Good. Let's try that again.
19115 5 4 Baby Shower 3181 Michael It is going to be the happiest day of my life.
19116 5 4 Baby Shower 3182 Michael Hello ladies, how's my shower going? Phyllis, did you get the live storks?
19117 5 4 Baby Shower 3182 Phyllis No.
19118 5 4 Baby Shower 3182 Michael Damnit, Phyllis! I'm sorry. Damnit, Phyllis. It was hard enough to convince Jan to come. So are we set for refreshments?
19119 5 4 Baby Shower 3182 Angela Per your instructions, we have the personalized M&Ms with the baby names. This is your boy bowl, with the name "Chevy." And this is the girl bowl, with M&Ms with the name "Astird."
19120 5 4 Baby Shower 3182 Phyllis That can't be right.
19121 5 4 Baby Shower 3182 Angela Michael wrote down "Astird."
19122 5 4 Baby Shower 3182 Michael She said it is the name of a Viking princess. So...
19123 5 4 Baby Shower 3182 Meredith Ass...turd.
19124 5 4 Baby Shower 3182 Michael I know. I know. It is beautiful. No. Thank you. Is this it? I mean, is this... Two bowls of M&Ms and some balloons? You know what Phyllis, I think you need to step it up. I think you need to get the lead out. Because if I'm not mistaken, we gave you your wedding shower here. We all came into this room and gave you a golden shower. Well you know what, where's my golden shower, Phyllis?
19125 5 4 Baby Shower 3183 Michael It does not matter to me at all whether this baby is biologically mine. I am going to love it. It's like when the dog nurses the tiger cub. Have you seen that video? It is... it's so bizarre and unnatural, but... it, it happens.
19126 5 4 Baby Shower 3184 Phyllis Hey, I'm collecting for the baby shower.
19127 5 4 Baby Shower 3184 Kevin But Phyllis, it's not his baby.
19128 5 4 Baby Shower 3184 Phyllis I know, Kevin.
19129 5 4 Baby Shower 3184 Oscar Why do we have to pay money to get a gift for his ex-girlfriend's unborn sperm bank baby?
19130 5 4 Baby Shower 3184 Phyllis Look at it as if you're paying for the cake, not the baby. Sheet cake.
19131 5 4 Baby Shower 3185 Phyllis I do enjoy being the head of the Party Planning Committee. I'm no longer under Angela's heel, and her little grape head is under mine.
19132 5 4 Baby Shower 3185 Michael Hey, hey. What are you doing? Don't talk to them.
19133 5 4 Baby Shower 3185 Phyllis Sorry.
19134 5 4 Baby Shower 3185 Michael Make the party. Don't - make the party, please, Phyllis. Pump it!
19135 5 4 Baby Shower 3186 Pam So you know Stacy, right?
19136 5 4 Baby Shower 3186 Jim Right, the one from England.
19137 5 4 Baby Shower 3186 Pam There's no one from England, Jim. Katie studied in Ireland - this is Stacy, the one who does the Murakami-style collages.
19138 5 4 Baby Shower 3186 Jim Oh. Right, that style.
19139 5 4 Baby Shower 3186 Pam So, Stacy and Eric get to Bogre's DeTech half an hour early so they don't have to sit on the slab.
19140 5 4 Baby Shower 3186 Jim OK...
19141 5 4 Baby Shower 3186 Pam Anyway, Bogre's TA Sarah Kaya comes in.
19142 5 4 Baby Shower 3186 Jim Wait, who's Sarah Kayacombsen?
19143 5 4 Baby Shower 3186 Pam No, Sarah Kaya comes in. Don't interrupt, I have like thirty seconds to finish this and get to DigiPres.
19144 5 4 Baby Shower 3186 Jim OK.
19145 5 4 Baby Shower 3186 Pam So Sarah Kaya says to Eric, "No way. You can't reserve seats." And Stacy gets all up in her face and Sarah Kaya picks up Stacy's new PM pad and throws it at the light box.
19146 5 4 Baby Shower 3186 Jim No... way!
19147 5 4 Baby Shower 3186 Pam Yes!
19148 5 4 Baby Shower 3186 Jim Ha ha. That's hilarious?
19149 5 4 Baby Shower 3186 Pam No, it's horrible! Jim, she might get arrested.
19150 5 4 Baby Shower 3186 Jim Who, Stacy?
19151 5 4 Baby Shower 3186 Pam No, Stacy is a boy. Ugh. Frustrating. Why can't you just be in art class with me?
19152 5 4 Baby Shower 3186 Jim Uh...
19153 5 4 Baby Shower 3186 Pam Oh, wait, I gotta go, class starting.
19154 5 4 Baby Shower 3186 Jim OK, I'll ta...I'll talk to you later. That was a good story.
19155 5 4 Baby Shower 3186 Dwight Who's Sarah Kayacombsen?
19156 5 4 Baby Shower 3187 Andy Yo. I got the Nard-puppy for ya. What's going on here?
19157 5 4 Baby Shower 3187 Angela It's a baby game where you guess whose picture is whose.
19158 5 4 Baby Shower 3187 Andy Awww. Check it out - who would have thought that this little baby would be marrying that little baby?
19159 5 4 Baby Shower 3187 Angela That's Phyllis.
19160 5 4 Baby Shower 3187 Andy Well -
19161 5 4 Baby Shower 3187 Angela Yeah, it is. So I hope you two are very happy together. Pervert.
19162 5 4 Baby Shower 3187 Andy Why would that make me a pervert, I -
19163 5 4 Baby Shower 3187 Angela Well, it does. That's me.
19164 5 4 Baby Shower 3187 Andy That's not you.
19165 5 4 Baby Shower 3187 Angela Yes it is.
19166 5 4 Baby Shower 3187 Andy That's mean, come on, that's -
19167 5 4 Baby Shower 3188 Michael Ahoy, matey.
19168 5 4 Baby Shower 3188 Holly Ahoy.
19169 5 4 Baby Shower 3188 Michael Ahoy. So, how you doin'?
19170 5 4 Baby Shower 3188 Holly Good.
19171 5 4 Baby Shower 3188 Michael Um, listen. Jan Levinson is coming in today, and she is in the terminal stages of her pregnancy - the child of which I have a vested interest. It's all kind of weird. Anyway, she is incredibly... fat and enormous right now - extremely unattractive. And you are, on the other hand, one of the more attractive people in the office. So, while she's here I am going to be acting kind of cold to you. And I am doing this to pay respect to her bloated feelings. And I'm treating Ryan the same way.
19172 5 4 Baby Shower 3188 Holly Of course. Yeah.
19173 5 4 Baby Shower 3189 Stanley I do not like pregnant women in my workspace. They're always complaining. I have varicose veins, too. I have swollen ankles, I'm constantly hungry - do you think my nipples don't get sore too? Do you think I don't need to know the fastest way to the hospital?
19174 5 4 Baby Shower 3190 Jim Jan.
19175 5 4 Baby Shower 3190 Jan Hi, Jim!
19176 5 4 Baby Shower 3190 Jim What do we have here?
19177 5 4 Baby Shower 3190 Jan This is my baby.
19178 5 4 Baby Shower 3190 Jim Really...
19179 5 4 Baby Shower 3190 Dwight Oh no...
19180 5 4 Baby Shower 3191 Dwight Jan had the baby and Michael wasn't there to mark it. So the baby could be anybody's. Except Michael's.
19181 5 4 Baby Shower 3192 Michael So this is Astird.
19182 5 4 Baby Shower 3192 Jan Astrid.
19183 5 4 Baby Shower 3192 Michael Oh, OK. Why didn't you call me?
19184 5 4 Baby Shower 3192 Jan Well, um, you know, labor just kind of started very suddenly and-
19185 5 4 Baby Shower 3192 Michael I could have helped.
19186 5 4 Baby Shower 3192 Jan And the birth instructor thought it wasn't a good idea for you to be there, so...
19187 5 4 Baby Shower 3192 Michael Oh, man. Him? That guy? He had no sense of humor and I proved him wrong in so many ways.
19188 5 4 Baby Shower 3192 Jan OK, you don't have any idea what I've been through, so, let's...
19189 5 4 Baby Shower 3192 Michael No, I don't!
19190 5 4 Baby Shower 3192 Jan I'm sorry, I thought today at the baby shower would be a good time for the two of you to meet.
19191 5 4 Baby Shower 3192 Michael Can I hold her?
19192 5 4 Baby Shower 3192 Jan Yes, yes you can. You know, I think, just leave her in the car seat. Yeah.
19193 5 4 Baby Shower 3192 Michael All right, OK.
19194 5 4 Baby Shower 3193 Michael I love babies. I think they are beautiful in all sorts of different ways. I try to pick up and hold a baby every day, if possible, because it nourishes me. It feeds my soul. Babies are drawn to me, and I think it's because they see me as one of them. But cooler, and with my life put together a little bit. If a baby were president, there would be no taxes, there would be no war. There would be no government, and things could get terrible. It actually, probably - it would be a better screenplay idea than a serious suggestion.
19195 5 4 Baby Shower 3194 Michael Ladies and gentlemen, it is my privilege and honor to present for the first time in her life and in the office: Assst...
19196 5 4 Baby Shower 3194 Jan trid.
19197 5 4 Baby Shower 3194 Michael ...trid Levinson. Hi! Astrid, this is everybody, look. This is your family. You're going to know them for the rest of your life.
19198 5 4 Baby Shower 3194 Jan Well...
19199 5 4 Baby Shower 3194 Michael Well, he may not be here. Say hello! OK, here we go. Lion King!
19200 5 4 Baby Shower 3194 Jan Michael, Michael, Michael, that's... yeah... that's too high. I'll take that.
19201 5 4 Baby Shower 3194 Michael OK, come on, let's get our shower on. Conference room, choppity chip chop.
19202 5 4 Baby Shower 3194 Holly You OK? You seem kind of...
19203 5 4 Baby Shower 3194 Michael I'm fine, weirdo. Such an HR weirdo. Try not to suck all the air out of there when you walk in.
19204 5 4 Baby Shower 3195 Michael Ready to play some games? Let's do it!
19205 5 4 Baby Shower 3195 Kevin Michael, the baby's already been born.
19206 5 4 Baby Shower 3195 Michael Uh, duh.
19207 5 4 Baby Shower 3195 Kevin So we had games planned but the baby ruins all of them.
19208 5 4 Baby Shower 3195 Michael No, the baby doesn't ruin anything, Kevin, OK? The baby multiplies the fun. Let's just do what you were going to do.
19209 5 4 Baby Shower 3195 Kevin OK... Who wants to guess when the baby will be born?
19210 5 4 Baby Shower 3195 Michael All right, how about some presents? I want to see some presents. I got this so I can write down for thank-you notes.
19211 5 4 Baby Shower 3195 Jan Thank you. That's very sweet of you.
19212 5 4 Baby Shower 3195 Michael Whatta we got?
19213 5 4 Baby Shower 3195 Angela Um, we all chipped in and got you this stroller.
19214 5 4 Baby Shower 3195 Michael Oh!
19215 5 4 Baby Shower 3195 Jan Thank you.
19216 5 4 Baby Shower 3195 Michael She already has a stroller.
19217 5 4 Baby Shower 3195 Kelly And this is way worse than the stroller she came with.
19218 5 4 Baby Shower 3195 Oscar She's got an Orbit; that's a twelve hundred dollar stroller.
19219 5 4 Baby Shower 3195 Dwight Huh. Twelve hundred dollars for a stroller? Phhhbt.
19220 5 4 Baby Shower 3195 Michael OK, what else?
19221 5 4 Baby Shower 3196 Dwight Twelve hundred dollars is what I spent on my whole bomb shelter. For that kind of money, this stroller should be indestructible.
19222 5 4 Baby Shower 3197 Jan Being good isn't always easy / No matter how hard I try / When he started sweet-talking to me / He'd come and tell me everything is all right / He'd kiss and tell me everything is all right / Can I get away again tonight / The only one...
19223 5 4 Baby Shower 3198 Pam Hey you!
19224 5 4 Baby Shower 3198 Jim Hey! You busy?
19225 5 4 Baby Shower 3198 Pam Not even. I'm doing laundry for the first time in like a month.
19226 5 4 Baby Shower 3198 Jim OK, OK, so you gotta hear this. So, Jan's shower is going on right now, and she's singing "Son of a Preacher Man" and everyone's just staring at her.
19227 5 4 Baby Shower 3198 Pam I can't hear anything, there's like, there's like machines going-
19228 5 4 Baby Shower 3198 Jim The song is about losing your virginity next to a church, and guess what - she's been singing for the last twenty minutes!
19229 5 4 Baby Shower 3198 Pam I can't hear anything!
19230 5 4 Baby Shower 3198 Jim Oh. OK, well you know what, I um, just call me later.
19231 5 4 Baby Shower 3198 Pam OK.
19232 5 4 Baby Shower 3199 Pam I'm not frustrated. Even if I were in Scranton, Jim and I would have days like this. We're just... a little out of sync. You know, that's all. Oh, great. I washed my lipstick.
19233 5 4 Baby Shower 3200 Jan How well I remember / The look that was in his eyes / Stealing kisses from me on the sly / Taking time to make time / Telling me that he's all mine / Learning from each other's knowing / Looking to see how much we've grown / And the only one...
19234 5 4 Baby Shower 3201 Dwight Don't hit the fence. Oh no, my child!
19235 5 4 Baby Shower 3202 Dwight Don't get stuck on the barbed wire!
19236 5 4 Baby Shower 3203 Dwight Playtime is over!
19237 5 4 Baby Shower 3204 Andy So Jan, tell my intended about the miracle of childbirth.
19238 5 4 Baby Shower 3204 Jan Well, actually, I, uh, I had a tub birth. And it was really, really quite amazing.
19239 5 4 Baby Shower 3204 Angela You gave birth in a tub?
19240 5 4 Baby Shower 3204 Jan Yeah, it's a really nice transition from womb to world, you know, kind of like a big womb.
19241 5 4 Baby Shower 3204 Kelly Um, so you're in the tub with everything?
19242 5 4 Baby Shower 3204 Jan Oh, yeah, the afterbirth floats, yeah.
19243 5 4 Baby Shower 3204 Creed Must be like the tide at Omaha Beach.
19244 5 4 Baby Shower 3204 Jan Oh no, it's actually really hygienic, Creed.
19245 5 4 Baby Shower 3204 Creed Ugh.
19246 5 4 Baby Shower 3204 Stanley I'm done.
19247 5 4 Baby Shower 3204 Oscar Me too.
19248 5 4 Baby Shower 3204 Jan And after the birth you get out and deliver the afterbirth.
19249 5 4 Baby Shower 3204 Michael Hey! Hey, no no no no no no no no. No. No. This is the birth story. It was beautiful. It was beautiful. This is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. And I should have been there. I should have been there to witness this.
19250 5 4 Baby Shower 3205 Michael I could have helped.
19251 5 4 Baby Shower 3205 Jan You're sad about this. I know that, and I wish that I... but... would it help if you held Astrid for just a, a little bit?
19252 5 4 Baby Shower 3205 Michael Uh, yeah.
19253 5 4 Baby Shower 3205 Jan All right. Um, I'm just going to lie down for a couple of minutes. I'm exhausted, so um. Remind me to talk to you about Astrid's 529. Wake me in twenty.
19254 5 4 Baby Shower 3205 Michael I usually love babies, but when I held Astrid I just felt... shortchanged.
19255 5 4 Baby Shower 3205 Michael Phyllis? Could you take-.
19256 5 4 Baby Shower 3206 Michael Hey guys.
19257 5 4 Baby Shower 3206 Darryl What's up, Mike?
19258 5 4 Baby Shower 3206 Michael Uh, I need some advice from one baby daddy to another.
19259 5 4 Baby Shower 3206 Darryl You a baby daddy?
19260 5 4 Baby Shower 3206 Michael Yeah, I a baby daddy. Um, when you first became a baby daddy, did you have an immediate connection with that baby? Like, the first time that you held it, did you find that with your baby baby?
19261 5 4 Baby Shower 3206 Darryl Hell yeah. You know why? Because that was my baby.
19262 5 4 Baby Shower 3206 Michael I just saw this baby daddy-
19263 5 4 Baby Shower 3206 Darryl You should stop calling yourself "baby daddy."
19264 5 4 Baby Shower 3206 Michael Why, Darryl, because I'm quote white quote unquote?
19265 5 4 Baby Shower 3206 Darryl Because you're not a daddy, and it's not your baby.
19266 5 4 Baby Shower 3206 Michael Well-
19267 5 4 Baby Shower 3206 Darryl You feel connected to his baby over there?
19268 5 4 Baby Shower 3206 Michael It's- that's different.
19269 5 4 Baby Shower 3206 Darryl You feel connected to this?
19270 5 4 Baby Shower 3206 Michael That's not a baby.
19271 5 4 Baby Shower 3206 Darryl You want to hold me, to see how you feel?
19272 5 4 Baby Shower 3206 Michael Could I?
19273 5 4 Baby Shower 3206 Darryl No.
19274 5 4 Baby Shower 3207 Jan Oh. I was just catching up on my sleep.
19275 5 4 Baby Shower 3207 Holly I can imagine.
19276 5 4 Baby Shower 3207 Jan Where's Astrid?
19277 5 4 Baby Shower 3207 Holly Oh, I think she's on a sales call.
19278 5 4 Baby Shower 3207 Jan On a what?
19279 5 4 Baby Shower 3207 Holly Waaa! More paper! Waaa! No, she's just on a coffee break.
19280 5 4 Baby Shower 3207 Jan That's funny.
19281 5 4 Baby Shower 3207 Holly She's with Angela.
19282 5 4 Baby Shower 3208 Angela That's good. Now, I need you to - I need it to look up here. Get the baby to look up here, ready?
19283 5 4 Baby Shower 3208 Andy OK. Yeah. Look at my finger. Look. Looook!
19284 5 4 Baby Shower 3208 Angela Now. Come on, up here!
19285 5 4 Baby Shower 3208 Andy Look up here!
19286 5 4 Baby Shower 3208 Angela Your hand's in it.
19287 5 4 Baby Shower 3208 Andy What? Sorry.
19288 5 4 Baby Shower 3208 Angela Yeah, that's a good one.
19289 5 4 Baby Shower 3208 Jan What are you doing? What's going on? Excuse me.
19290 5 4 Baby Shower 3208 Andy We're taking a picture.
19291 5 4 Baby Shower 3208 Jan There you are.
19292 5 4 Baby Shower 3208 Andy She's nature's bounty.
19293 5 4 Baby Shower 3208 Jan You don't flash around a newborn baby. Don't you know that?
19294 5 4 Baby Shower 3209 Jan Michael, I need your help.
19295 5 4 Baby Shower 3209 Michael I was just going to... I was going to talk to Holly, about her hygiene. She smells like old tomatoes and dirt.
19296 5 4 Baby Shower 3209 Jan Uh... come on.
19297 5 4 Baby Shower 3210 Dwight I like to call this... the bumper test.
19298 5 4 Baby Shower 3211 Michael Sure you can't stay a little longer?
19299 5 4 Baby Shower 3211 Jan Oh, no, Michael, you know what? I really have to go.
19300 5 4 Baby Shower 3211 Michael All right. All right, everybody, we're leaving. Jan and Astrid are leaving.
19301 5 4 Baby Shower 3211 Jan You know what, where is the stroller that I came in with?
19302 5 4 Baby Shower 3211 Dwight Oh. I took the liberty of putting it in your trunk.
19303 5 4 Baby Shower 3211 Jan Ah. Thanks, Dwight.
19304 5 4 Baby Shower 3212 Jan OK. You know what? There is, uh, there is one more thing that you can do for me.
19305 5 4 Baby Shower 3212 Michael OK?
19306 5 4 Baby Shower 3212 Jan Don't date Holly.
19307 5 4 Baby Shower 3212 Michael Wha - that's, I hate her. Wha - God! Why would you even ask me to - I, I mean, not that it matters, 'cause I don't, but wha - OK, all right, fine.
19308 5 4 Baby Shower 3212 Jan Thanks for the baby shower. It was great. And I'll see you... soon.
19309 5 4 Baby Shower 3212 Michael All right.
19310 5 4 Baby Shower 3212 Jan OK.
19311 5 4 Baby Shower 3213 Holly You still gonna be mean to me?
19312 5 4 Baby Shower 3213 Michael You wanna go out?
19313 5 4 Baby Shower 3213 Holly Yes.
19314 5 4 Baby Shower 3214 Michael I didn't feel much when I held Astrid, but I got a good feeling from Holly.
19315 5 4 Baby Shower 3215 Jim Hey, it's Jim. Leave a message.
19316 5 4 Baby Shower 3215 Pam Hi.
19317 5 4 Baby Shower 3215 Pam Hi, this is Pam. Leave a message.
19318 5 4 Baby Shower 3215 Jim Hey, it's me. It is 5:03.
19319 5 4 Baby Shower 3215 Pam I figured I'd catch you walking to your car, but...
19320 5 4 Baby Shower 3215 Jim You must be out or something.
19321 5 4 Baby Shower 3215 Pam I'll leave a message.
19322 5 4 Baby Shower 3215 Jim Is it me, or are we just a little off today?
19323 5 4 Baby Shower 3215 Pam I guess this is just one of those days. It'll get better.
19324 5 4 Baby Shower 3215 Jim Hope you didn't have any major laundry issues.
19325 5 4 Baby Shower 3215 Pam I finished my laundry. Got all my socks. Nothing like that time that crazy guy pushed you.
19326 5 4 Baby Shower 3215 Jim Remember that time that I helped you do your laundry and that crazy guy came in and started yelling at you?
19327 5 4 Baby Shower 3215 Pam And then, remember, we went shopping the next day to buy me a washer and dryer?
19328 5 4 Baby Shower 3215 Jim Yet here you are, back in a Laundromat. Now, I'm just trying to help you, Beesly. Be safe.
19329 5 4 Baby Shower 3215 Pam You're probably upset that I'm even at a Laundromat right now. But, don't worry, I'm being safe. And I'm headed home. I'm... headed to my dorm. Not home.
19330 5 4 Baby Shower 3215 Jim Wish you were home. Uh, anyway...
19331 5 4 Baby Shower 3215 Pam Anyway, um... I miss you.
19332 5 4 Baby Shower 3215 Jim I miss you.
19333 5 5 Crime Aid 3216 Receptionist Pam, line three.
19334 5 5 Crime Aid 3216 Pam Okay, thanks.
19335 5 5 Crime Aid 3217 Pam New York, as it turns out, is very expensive, and I ran out of money. I thought about selling a kidney, but Michael offered to get me a part-time job at corporate.
19336 5 5 Crime Aid 3218 Pam Hey.
19337 5 5 Crime Aid 3218 Michael Paaam-o-laaaaaa...
19338 5 5 Crime Aid 3219 Pam Of course, now Michael knows where to reach me 16 to 18 hours a week.
19339 5 5 Crime Aid 3220 Pam Hey Michael.
19340 5 5 Crime Aid 3220 Michael Paaam-o-laaaaaa... Miss ya kiddo. Miss you... so much.
19341 5 5 Crime Aid 3221 Michael Hey.
19342 5 5 Crime Aid 3221 Holly Hello.
19343 5 5 Crime Aid 3221 Michael That was really fun last night.
19344 5 5 Crime Aid 3221 Holly Yeah, it was nice.
19345 5 5 Crime Aid 3221 Michael I'm actually thinking about getting my own set of putt-putt golf clubs.
19346 5 5 Crime Aid 3221 Holly Oh, that would be great. You need that.
19347 5 5 Crime Aid 3221 Michael Yeah?
19348 5 5 Crime Aid 3221 Holly Yeah.
19349 5 5 Crime Aid 3221 Michael Oh really?
19350 5 5 Crime Aid 3221 Holly Yeah.
19351 5 5 Crime Aid 3221 Michael Well...
19352 5 5 Crime Aid 3221 Holly It would help.
19353 5 5 Crime Aid 3221 Michael I, uh... I let her win.
19354 5 5 Crime Aid 3221 Holly No, he didn't.
19355 5 5 Crime Aid 3221 Michael So, when, um, can I see you again?
19356 5 5 Crime Aid 3221 Holly Um, tonight, I'm free tonight. Is that too eager?
19357 5 5 Crime Aid 3221 Michael No.
19358 5 5 Crime Aid 3221 Holly I don't care, free tonight.
19359 5 5 Crime Aid 3221 Michael Okay. Oh, wait, oh, tonight's no good. Because I am busy taking you out.
19360 5 5 Crime Aid 3221 Holly Oh, I just remembered, I can't tonight.
19361 5 5 Crime Aid 3221 Michael Why?
19362 5 5 Crime Aid 3221 Holly I'm going out with you.
19363 5 5 Crime Aid 3221 Michael Wow... Oh, wait a second, I can't tonight...
19364 5 5 Crime Aid 3221 Holly No more.
19365 5 5 Crime Aid 3221 Michael Tonight's so...
19366 5 5 Crime Aid 3221 Holly No more.
19367 5 5 Crime Aid 3221 Michael Too many times. It's all good, um, alright, so, good, so, have a nice day.
19368 5 5 Crime Aid 3221 Holly Thank you, you too.
19369 5 5 Crime Aid 3221 Michael You're welcome.
19370 5 5 Crime Aid 3222 Michael In my opinion, the third date is traditionally the one where... you have s*x. Does Holly feel that way? I don't know. I will probably find out tonight. If she starts having s*x with me I'll know for sure.
19371 5 5 Crime Aid 3223 Andy That's for you. And, um, oh. I am right in assuming that Dwight is short for D-Money. 'Cause that's what I wrote on your save-the-date.
19372 5 5 Crime Aid 3223 Dwight You set a date?
19373 5 5 Crime Aid 3223 Andy J-Money. Or should it be T-Money, for Tuna? Receptionist Money. K-Money.
19374 5 5 Crime Aid 3224 Phyllis What are you making?
19375 5 5 Crime Aid 3224 Dwight A knife.
19376 5 5 Crime Aid 3224 Phyllis You're making a knife with a knife?
19377 5 5 Crime Aid 3224 Dwight You got a better way?
19378 5 5 Crime Aid 3224 Phyllis You want to talk about it?
19379 5 5 Crime Aid 3224 Dwight About what?
19380 5 5 Crime Aid 3224 Phyllis You know I know. You know they know.
19381 5 5 Crime Aid 3224 Dwight I know none of that. If I did, you'd be the last to know.
19382 5 5 Crime Aid 3225 Holly Oh, the mall could be fun.
19383 5 5 Crime Aid 3225 Michael Yeah.
19384 5 5 Crime Aid 3225 Holly We could go to the food court and get different foods. You could get Chicken Teriyaki. I could get a hot dog.
19385 5 5 Crime Aid 3225 Michael Some of what we order depends on whether we're having s*x after. Oh, my. Wow, elephant in the room. Are we, do you think? Do you think we're going to have s*x tonight?
19386 5 5 Crime Aid 3225 Holly ...Hell yeah.
19387 5 5 Crime Aid 3225 Michael Okay, so, we do the restaurant thing and then... then... then we can do... We'll just do the restaurant thing first.
19388 5 5 Crime Aid 3225 Holly Yeah, that's good.
19389 5 5 Crime Aid 3226 Michael Probably get soup or something light.
19390 5 5 Crime Aid 3227 Phyllis Hi.
19391 5 5 Crime Aid 3227 Dwight She introduced me to so many things. Pasteurized milk, sheets, monotheism, presents on your birthday, preventative medicine.
19392 5 5 Crime Aid 3227 Phyllis It's nice to learn new things.
19393 5 5 Crime Aid 3227 Dwight I was talking to myself.
19394 5 5 Crime Aid 3227 Phyllis Okay.
19395 5 5 Crime Aid 3227 Dwight I just don't get it.
19396 5 5 Crime Aid 3227 Phyllis What don't you get?
19397 5 5 Crime Aid 3227 Dwight Why is she marrying Andy?
19398 5 5 Crime Aid 3227 Phyllis Angela's not really a risk taker. And Andy's not really a risk.
19399 5 5 Crime Aid 3227 Dwight That's really fattening.
19400 5 5 Crime Aid 3227 Phyllis No, it's lettuce.
19401 5 5 Crime Aid 3228 Holly It's time to go.
19402 5 5 Crime Aid 3228 Michael No. No. Reservations are at 8:00, so we've got like an hour and 45 minutes. I'm a crazy eight, I'm crazy.
19403 5 5 Crime Aid 3228 Holly You're crazy, go crazy.
19404 5 5 Crime Aid 3229 Holly Oh, I forgot my keys.
19405 5 5 Crime Aid 3229 Michael Do you need 'em?
19406 5 5 Crime Aid 3229 Holly Yeah, lets go grab them.
19407 5 5 Crime Aid 3229 Michael All right.
19408 5 5 Crime Aid 3229 Holly Oh, after vous.
19409 5 5 Crime Aid 3229 Michael Thank vous. What? Oh!
19410 5 5 Crime Aid 3229 Holly I didn't forget my keys, I just didn't want to make out with you in front of the cameras. Do you think they can hear us?
19411 5 5 Crime Aid 3229 Michael Not if we turn these dials all the way down. Now they can't hear us at all.
19412 5 5 Crime Aid 3229 Holly Oh, good.
19413 5 5 Crime Aid 3229 Michael We're totally alone.
19414 5 5 Crime Aid 3230 Angela Yes, that's correct. I need to cancel checks from 10,001 to 90,000.
19415 5 5 Crime Aid 3230 Oscar Great, they stole my laptop.
19416 5 5 Crime Aid 3230 Kevin Yeah, well, they stole my surge protector.
19417 5 5 Crime Aid 3230 Oscar How does that even compare?
19418 5 5 Crime Aid 3230 Kevin Oscar, I'm now going to be prone to surges.
19419 5 5 Crime Aid 3231 Michael Oh, my God, what happened?
19420 5 5 Crime Aid 3231 Jim We were robbed last night.
19421 5 5 Crime Aid 3231 Dwight Bravo, Watson. Looks like a classic seven-man job. Okay, security tapes were stolen, Motives-financial, or possible, vintage HP computer collectors. Hank down at security had clocked out. And that's all we have.
19422 5 5 Crime Aid 3231 Holly Can I talk to you for a second?
19423 5 5 Crime Aid 3231 Michael Yeah. Oh... oh!
19424 5 5 Crime Aid 3231 Holly That wasn't us, right? I mean... you remembered to lock the doors?
19425 5 5 Crime Aid 3231 Michael No, did you?
19426 5 5 Crime Aid 3231 Holly Michael I think this is our fault.
19427 5 5 Crime Aid 3231 Michael Oh, no, my God.
19428 5 5 Crime Aid 3231 Holly Oh...
19429 5 5 Crime Aid 3231 Michael Oh my God!
19430 5 5 Crime Aid 3232 Michael So much for s*x without consequences.
19431 5 5 Crime Aid 3233 Pam You are such a dork! Shots!
19432 5 5 Crime Aid 3233 Jim So apparently Pam went out last night, and accidentally called my work phone at 3:00 in the morning.
19433 5 5 Crime Aid 3233 Pam I'm not drunk.
19434 5 5 Crime Aid 3233 Jim I'm on minute six of this message.
19435 5 5 Crime Aid 3233 Pam Okay, I do not sound like that.
19436 5 5 Crime Aid 3233 Man on phone You can take the girl out of Philly...
19437 5 5 Crime Aid 3233 Pam Scranton.
19438 5 5 Crime Aid 3233 Jim The future mother of my children.
19439 5 5 Crime Aid 3234 Angela I never felt safe here.
19440 5 5 Crime Aid 3234 Andy You're always safe with me. I'm a very good screamer. And one day, we're going to move to Disney's Celebration Village in Florida and leave all of this behind.
19441 5 5 Crime Aid 3234 Angela I would very much like that.
19442 5 5 Crime Aid 3234 Andy Yeah?
19443 5 5 Crime Aid 3234 Angela Yeah.
19444 5 5 Crime Aid 3234 Andy Consider yourself... at home!
19445 5 5 Crime Aid 3234 Dwight Ugh.
19446 5 5 Crime Aid 3235 Dwight Get in.
19447 5 5 Crime Aid 3235 Phyllis Where are we going?
19448 5 5 Crime Aid 3235 Dwight I know she loves me, Phyllis. I am sure of it. She practically told me so.
19449 5 5 Crime Aid 3235 Phyllis Then you need to give her an ultimatum. Tell her she needs to make a choice. You or Andy. If she pick you, great. If not, you can move on.
19450 5 5 Crime Aid 3235 Dwight Are you sure that's going to work?
19451 5 5 Crime Aid 3235 Phyllis It did when Bob said I had to stop talking to my sister on the phone so much.
19452 5 5 Crime Aid 3235 Dwight Wait, this isn't our floor. Dwight...
19453 5 5 Crime Aid 3236 Holly How's everyone doing? My door is always open if anyone wants to talk.
19454 5 5 Crime Aid 3236 Oscar I don't want to talk. I want my laptop back.
19455 5 5 Crime Aid 3237 Creed Nobody steals from Creed Bratton and gets away with it. The last person to do this disappeared. His name? Creed Bratton.
19456 5 5 Crime Aid 3238 Michael We're gonna make everything all right. Alright? Conference room, 15 minutes. Half an hour. Alright?
19457 5 5 Crime Aid 3239 Michael To recoup their losses, I am planning a little charity auction, where people from all over Scranton can come and bid on our goods and services. I'm calling it crime-aid. It's like farm aid, but instead of farms fighting against AIDS, it is us fighting against our own poverty.
19458 5 5 Crime Aid 3240 Phyllis I think it's a fun idea.
19459 5 5 Crime Aid 3240 Michael Thank you.
19460 5 5 Crime Aid 3240 Phyllis We could auction off things we do for each other like cleaning or tennis lessons. My sorority did it all the time.
19461 5 5 Crime Aid 3240 Michael Okay, I'm gonna have to stop you right there. Was this a sorority that you didn't get into a real sorority so you had to kind of form your own?
19462 5 5 Crime Aid 3240 Phyllis Move on, Michael.
19463 5 5 Crime Aid 3240 Michael Okay. Okay! Well, come on, let's have an auction. Let's do this. We'll auction off people like in the olden days.
19464 5 5 Crime Aid 3240 Oscar So, in order to recoup the value of items we liked, we have to spend more money on things we don't want. Who would ever come to this?
19465 5 5 Crime Aid 3240 Michael I don't know, it could be any number of people. It could be a pedestrian. It could be an old person. It could be a lookie-loo. Or, it could be... a Bruce Springsteen fan - what? Who said that? I did. Why did I say that? Oh, I think you know why I said that. I think it is very apparent. I think it goes without saying. Bear with me. There's a point there. But what is the point? I don't understand what he's saying. It seems a little shady. It seems a little foggy. Well, it's not a little foggy there's actually something going on here-
19466 5 5 Crime Aid 3240 Jim Do you need us for any of this?
19467 5 5 Crime Aid 3240 Michael Do I?
19468 5 5 Crime Aid 3241 Holly Michael scored the big ticket item. Springsteen tickets! The boss scored the boss.
19469 5 5 Crime Aid 3241 Michael Yeah, I think that's pretty boss.
19470 5 5 Crime Aid 3241 Holly He knows how to get things. He got me.
19471 5 5 Crime Aid 3241 Michael Whoa!
19472 5 5 Crime Aid 3241 Holly Sorry.
19473 5 5 Crime Aid 3241 Michael Twice. ... Right?
19474 5 5 Crime Aid 3241 Holly Mm-hmm.
19475 5 5 Crime Aid 3241 Michael Mm-hmm.
19476 5 5 Crime Aid 3241 Holly Mm-hmm.
19477 5 5 Crime Aid 3242 Dwight Listen to me close. 'Cause I'm only gonna say this once. You either break off your engagement with that singing buffoon, apologize, and then date me, or you can say good-bye to this.
19478 5 5 Crime Aid 3242 Angela I think you have me confused with another person.
19479 5 5 Crime Aid 3242 Dwight I said I was only gonna say this once. You have until 6:14 PM. 6:14!
19480 5 5 Crime Aid 3242 Angela I heard you.
19481 5 5 Crime Aid 3243 Michael Pump it up! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Pump up the volume. Thank you very much, everybody. Thank you, Mr. Springsteen. And welcome to C.R.I.M.E.-A.I.D. Crime Reduces Innocence Makes Everyone Angry I Declare. It is not known how many office robberies occur every second because there is no Wikipedia entry for office robbery statistics. However, tonight, its victims, are standing together and standing strong in the form of song, cooking lessons, and hugs. Really Phyllis? You're auctioning a hug? Okay, so with no further ado, lights, camera, auction! Take it away Bruce!
19482 5 5 Crime Aid 3244 Darryl Mike gave me a list of his top ten Springsteen songs. Three of them were Huey Lewis and the News. One was Tracy Chapman, Fast Car. And my personal favorite, Short People.
19483 5 5 Crime Aid 3245 Michael Okay, this is the moment that you have all been waiting for. Our first item up for bids tonight is something that I consider to be very boss indeed. It is a Yoga lesson from Holly Flax! Yoga! And I would like to start the bidding off at 300 dollars. 300 dollars do I hear 300 dollars? 300 dollars. Hey, batter batter batter, hey batter, swing batter, 300 dollars, 300 dollars, 300 dollars. Anybody, 300 dollars. 400 dollars. Who wants for 400- Do I see somebody in the back? Is there somebody in the back? Do I see somebody in the back? 400-450 Sold! For 300 dollars to me! What the hell is that?
19484 5 5 Crime Aid 3245 Phyllis It's the only gavel I could find.
19485 5 5 Crime Aid 3245 Michael It squeaks when you bang it, that's what she said. Let's hear it for me! Right? A bargain at any price!
19486 5 5 Crime Aid 3245 Darryl Hey Mike, do my thing.
19487 5 5 Crime Aid 3245 Michael Oh, yes, great. Very good, Um, so, Darryl, and the boys in the hood in the warehouse, have graciously donated to, uh, go out for a beer with them right now. You know what, I'm actually going to bid on this. I'm going to start the bidding, because this is something that I have dreamt of-
19488 5 5 Crime Aid 3245 Darryl Mike, you can't do that. It's conflict of interest.
19489 5 5 Crime Aid 3245 Jim 5 dollars.
19490 5 5 Crime Aid 3245 Darryl Sold! To Jim.
19491 5 5 Crime Aid 3245 Michael Okay. Okay, sold! Have fun, you guys. Well, this next item is sure to spring steam from your ears if you don't win it. It just says "Creed."
19492 5 5 Crime Aid 3245 Creed Yeah, that's all-inclusive.
19493 5 5 Crime Aid 3246 Darryl She thought I was McNabb.
19494 5 5 Crime Aid 3246 Jim I can see that.
19495 5 5 Crime Aid 3246 Darryl Yeah, well, watcha gonna do?
19496 5 5 Crime Aid 3246 Jim Another round, boys? Great.
19497 5 5 Crime Aid 3246 Roy Halpert?
19498 5 5 Crime Aid 3246 Darryl What's up, Roy?
19499 5 5 Crime Aid 3246 Jim Hey man.
19500 5 5 Crime Aid 3246 Roy I'm not gonna hit you or anything.
19501 5 5 Crime Aid 3246 Jim Oh, I wouldn't-
19502 5 5 Crime Aid 3246 Roy You good?
19503 5 5 Crime Aid 3246 Jim I'm good. How you doing?
19504 5 5 Crime Aid 3246 Roy I'm good.
19505 5 5 Crime Aid 3246 Jim Yeah, okay.
19506 5 5 Crime Aid 3246 Roy Hey Darryl, what's happenin'?
19507 5 5 Crime Aid 3246 Darryl Oh, what's up, Roy?
19508 5 5 Crime Aid 3246 Roy Hey, what's up, guys? How you been?
19509 5 5 Crime Aid 3247 Kevin Hi, I'm Kevin. And I'll do your taxes.
19510 5 5 Crime Aid 3247 Michael Let's hear an opening bid, everybody. Who's first? Kevin do your taxes. He's the tax man. Kevin the tax man.
19511 5 5 Crime Aid 3247 Kevin Federal and State.
19512 5 5 Crime Aid 3247 Michael Federal and State.
19513 5 5 Crime Aid 3247 Kevin Fine.
19514 5 5 Crime Aid 3247 Michael Okay, alright. Hey, you know what? I would appreciate it if people would stop storming off the stage.
19515 5 5 Crime Aid 3248 Hank Me and the blues. It's me and the blues.
19516 5 5 Crime Aid 3249 Michael We are getting there folks. Slow and steady. Well, well, have we been blessed today. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. David Wallace! Whoo!
19517 5 5 Crime Aid 3249 David Wallace Hey.
19518 5 5 Crime Aid 3249 Michael Hey!
19519 5 5 Crime Aid 3249 David Wallace Thank you Michael, thanks, thanks everybody. I'd like to auction off a weekend at my place in Martha's Vineyard. Hey, hey!
19520 5 5 Crime Aid 3249 Oscar 100 dollars.
19521 5 5 Crime Aid 3249 Michael 100 dollars, great.
19522 5 5 Crime Aid 3249 Bob Vance 125
19523 5 5 Crime Aid 3249 Guy in audience 140
19524 5 5 Crime Aid 3249 Dwight Hey Phyllis, someone let the air out of your tires. Come quick.
19525 5 5 Crime Aid 3249 Phyllis Oh dear.
19526 5 5 Crime Aid 3249 Michael Keep it going. Hey batter batter batter.
19527 5 5 Crime Aid 3249 Guy in audience 160
19528 5 5 Crime Aid 3249 Michael 160
19529 5 5 Crime Aid 3250 Dwight I had to get your attention. This is an emergency.
19530 5 5 Crime Aid 3250 Phyllis Why couldn't have you just said it? Why did you actually do it?
19531 5 5 Crime Aid 3250 Dwight Listen, she ignored my ultimatum. Now what?
19532 5 5 Crime Aid 3250 Phyllis Now you move on.
19533 5 5 Crime Aid 3250 Dwight Okay, fine. I've moved on. Now how do I get her back?
19534 5 5 Crime Aid 3250 Phyllis Well Dwight, I don't think you do. I think you've got your answer.
19535 5 5 Crime Aid 3250 Dwight Wait, that's it? That's your advice? I thought you had some kind of big master plan.
19536 5 5 Crime Aid 3250 Phyllis Well, I just think we all deserve to be with someone who wants to be with us.
19537 5 5 Crime Aid 3250 Dwight Oh. I get it. You're trying to secure your place as head of the party-planning committee. You're just being selfish. And you slap like a girl.
19538 5 5 Crime Aid 3251 Dwight What did Phyllis do wrong? I'll tell you what Phyllis did wrong. She stuck her nose into my business and tried to help me.
19539 5 5 Crime Aid 3252 Roy What's going on with Pam?
19540 5 5 Crime Aid 3252 Jim Oh, she's good actually.
19541 5 5 Crime Aid 3252 Roy Yeah?
19542 5 5 Crime Aid 3252 Jim She's, um, she's in New York. She's at an art school.
19543 5 5 Crime Aid 3252 Roy Really?
19544 5 5 Crime Aid 3252 Jim Yeah, she's doing really well.
19545 5 5 Crime Aid 3252 Roy Huh.
19546 5 5 Crime Aid 3252 Jim She's engaged, um... to me.
19547 5 5 Crime Aid 3252 Roy Congrats, man.
19548 5 5 Crime Aid 3252 Jim Oh, thanks man. Appreciate that.
19549 5 5 Crime Aid 3252 Roy So Pam's happy?
19550 5 5 Crime Aid 3252 Jim Yeah, I'd say she's happy. I mean, she loves her classes. Loves the city. I mean, last night, she was out with her friends, till, like, 8:00 AM.
19551 5 5 Crime Aid 3252 Roy Wow.
19552 5 5 Crime Aid 3252 Jim What?
19553 5 5 Crime Aid 3252 Roy I thought you were a friend.
19554 5 5 Crime Aid 3253 Jim I am going to see Pam. Because I feel like I should.
19555 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Bob Vance When are you getting to Bruce?
19556 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Michael Uh, just a few more items.
19557 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 All Bruce! Bruce! Bruce!
19558 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Michael All right, all right, all right, all right, all right! Here we go. All right, big ticket item. All right, in my pocket, I have... two tickets... to Mr. Bruce Springsteen, front... Oh, where are those? Has anyone seen an envelope with Bruce Springsteen front row tickets and backstage passes? Anybody seen something like-lying around?
19559 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Stanley Do you want us to look for 'em?
19560 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Michael No. I think they were stolen. I think they were stolen and they're gone forever. So... oh, that was the last good item. So, good job, everybody.
19561 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Phyllis I have my hug.
19562 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Michael Yeah, well, Phyllis, nobody... really wants a hug, so.
19563 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Bob Vance I'll bid on a hug.
19564 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Michael She's your wife, you idiot.
19565 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Bob Vance 100 dollars.
19566 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 David Wallace 200
19567 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Michael Uh, what the hell is happening?
19568 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Andy 250
19569 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Angela What are you doing?
19570 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Andy I need a hug, unless you're gonna give me one.
19571 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Angela Not here.
19572 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Bob Vance 300
19573 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Michael 300, we have 300. 300 going once. 300 going twice.
19574 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Dwight 300 and one penny.
19575 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Michael 300 and one penny, 300 and one penny.
19576 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Bob Vance 325
19577 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Michael 325, 325.
19578 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 David Wallace 350
19579 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Michael 350
19580 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Dwight 350 and one penny.
19581 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Michael 350 and one penny.
19582 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Bob Vance 400
19583 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Michael 400, 400 hey batter batter.
19584 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Dwight 400 and one penny.
19585 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Michael 400 and one penny.
19586 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Bob Vance 500
19587 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Michael 500
19588 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Dwight 500 and one penny.
19589 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Michael 500 and one penny. One million dollar!
19590 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Bob Vance 700
19591 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Michael 700
19592 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Dwight 700 and one penny.
19593 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Michael Humuna-humuna-humuna-humuna-humuna-
19594 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Bob Vance 1000
19595 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Dwight Eh, it's not worth it.
19596 5 5 Crime Aid 3254 Michael 1,000 going once, 1,000 going twice. Sold for 1,000 dollar. Nicely done.
19597 5 5 Crime Aid 3255 Jim No. you know what? No. Because... I'm not that guy. And we are not that couple.
19598 5 5 Crime Aid 3256 Michael Hey, that looks good. Listen, about the tickets. It's sort of a gray-kind of a gray area in terms of...whether or not I had them-
19599 5 5 Crime Aid 3257 Holly The Springsteen tickets seemed too good to be true. But, a lot of Michael seems too good to be true. So far it's all true. But yeah, those tickets, really seemed too good to be true.
19600 5 5 Crime Aid 3258 David Wallace No, I did not know that Michael was dating Holly.
19601 5 6 Employee Transfer 3259 Kelly Wow you guys look amazing. Stanley, I thought you hated Halloween.
19602 5 6 Employee Transfer 3259 Phyllis Shh. He wears that so he can sleep at his desk. Who are you?
19603 5 6 Employee Transfer 3259 Kelly Oh, I'm Carrie Bradshaw from s*x And The City.
19604 5 6 Employee Transfer 3259 Phyllis Mm. I like your shoes.
19605 5 6 Employee Transfer 3259 Kelly Thank you. Will you help walk me to the fax machine?
19606 5 6 Employee Transfer 3259 Phyllis Sure.
19607 5 6 Employee Transfer 3259 Ryan I got her, I got her. I can help you. You look amazing.
19608 5 6 Employee Transfer 3259 Kelly Inappropriate. Thank you. Who are you, Larry King?
19609 5 6 Employee Transfer 3259 Ryan Gordon Gekko.
19610 5 6 Employee Transfer 3259 Kelly Oh, from the insurance commercials!
19611 5 6 Employee Transfer 3259 Ryan ... Yeah.
19612 5 6 Employee Transfer 3260 Oscar Whoa. Awesome.
19613 5 6 Employee Transfer 3260 Creed Let's put a smile on that face!
19614 5 6 Employee Transfer 3260 Kevin Dammit Creed! I've been up since four!
19615 5 6 Employee Transfer 3261 Andy Meow. Sweet 'stume, dude. Who are you supposed to be?
19616 5 6 Employee Transfer 3261 Jim Dave.
19617 5 6 Employee Transfer 3261 Andy Cool.
19618 5 6 Employee Transfer 3261 Jim You are? A cat?
19619 5 6 Employee Transfer 3261 Andy We were looking for "kitten."
19620 5 6 Employee Transfer 3261 Jim Oh, hang on one second. Jim Halpert.
19621 5 6 Employee Transfer 3261 Pam Hey.
19622 5 6 Employee Transfer 3261 Jim Hey New York, Happy Halloween!
19623 5 6 Employee Transfer 3261 Pam Thanks. My costume's getting a lot of attention.
19624 5 6 Employee Transfer 3262 Pam So apparently no one dresses up for Halloween here. I wish I had known that before I used greasepaint for my moustache. And I can't even take off my hat, because then I'm Hitler.
19625 5 6 Employee Transfer 3263 Dwight Hm mm mm mm. Want to see a magic trick? Heh heh heh! I'm gonna make a pencil disapp-- oh! Disappear.
19626 5 6 Employee Transfer 3264 Michael Okay, I think we are set. We have puzzles, string for Cat's Cradles. Burned this last night. A little road trip CD. Puppets.
19627 5 6 Employee Transfer 3264 Holly Oh, look at all this stuff! It's only seven hours.
19628 5 6 Employee Transfer 3265 Michael When Corporate found out that we were dating, they decided they were going to transfer Holly back to her old branch, in Nashua, New Hampshire.
19629 5 6 Employee Transfer 3266 Holly Michael is taking a personal day to move me up.
19630 5 6 Employee Transfer 3266 Michael Road trip! Right?
19631 5 6 Employee Transfer 3266 Holly Breaker one-nine, copy?
19632 5 6 Employee Transfer 3266 Michael Oh, copy that breaker. Those Duke boys are at it again.
19633 5 6 Employee Transfer 3266 Darryl Hey! Do Not Touch My Radio.
19634 5 6 Employee Transfer 3266 Michael We're not.
19635 5 6 Employee Transfer 3266 Holly Kidding.
19636 5 6 Employee Transfer 3266 Michael We're not doing anything.
19637 5 6 Employee Transfer 3267 Holly It's been a weird week since we found out I had to transfer. Michael wanted me to quit and get some job here in Scranton, and I said "Well, why don't you quit and get some job in Nashua?" And he said "I asked you first." And I said "First!" at the same time he did. And then I said "Jinx." And then we never talked about it again and haven't been back to the conversation. So...
19638 5 6 Employee Transfer 3268 Michael All right everybody. I'm out of here. Jim, you're in charge.
19639 5 6 Employee Transfer 3268 Jim Oh, I'll walk you out.
19640 5 6 Employee Transfer 3268 Michael Ah, you are quite the gentleman.
19641 5 6 Employee Transfer 3269 Michael You can let people go a couple of minutes early if you want.
19642 5 6 Employee Transfer 3269 Jim All right. We'll see. No.
19643 5 6 Employee Transfer 3270 Jim I am off to New York. My brother Pete from Boston, and my brother Tom from New Jersey are taking Pam and I out for lunch, to celebrate the engagement. Or maybe to beat me up. I can never tell with those two.
19644 5 6 Employee Transfer 3271 Dwight Good morning temp.
19645 5 6 Employee Transfer 3271 Ryan 'Morning. Wow. Good morning Dwight.
19646 5 6 Employee Transfer 3271 Dwight Thought I'd go casual today. Morning everyone. Good morning. Hello. How are you Phyllis?
19647 5 6 Employee Transfer 3271 Andy Ha ha ha. That's funny. Take that sweatshirt off! Hey buddy.
19648 5 6 Employee Transfer 3271 Dwight Andy.
19649 5 6 Employee Transfer 3271 Andy Remember when I jokingly yelled at you to take your sweatshirt off? Totally joking. But, you should know, those colors are sacred. Not that I care. But if you're not a Cornell man, you probably shouldn't wear them.
19650 5 6 Employee Transfer 3271 Dwight No I get it. I totally understand. And uh, I just want to assure you, that I mean no disrespect. You see, I'm applying!
19651 5 6 Employee Transfer 3271 Andy Come on, you think you can get into Cornell?
19652 5 6 Employee Transfer 3271 Dwight Well if somebody who barely out-sells Phyllis, can get in, I should be fine.
19653 5 6 Employee Transfer 3271 Phyllis I'm sitting right here Dwight.
19654 5 6 Employee Transfer 3271 Dwight I meant that as a compliment to you Phyllis, as well as a slight to Andy.
19655 5 6 Employee Transfer 3272 Dwight Cornell is a good school, and I want to better myself through higher education. If it makes Andy angry, so be it.
19656 5 6 Employee Transfer 3273 Holly I have to unpack this weekend but maybe next weekend we go to the outlets!
19657 5 6 Employee Transfer 3273 Michael Cool!
19658 5 6 Employee Transfer 3273 Darryl Mike you'll drive this every weekend?
19659 5 6 Employee Transfer 3273 Michael We're gonna switch back and forth, the driving. Sometimes we'll just meet in the middle. It'll be fun. Wait a sec. Oh I love this song.
19660 5 6 Employee Transfer 3273 Michael, Holly Life is a highway, I want to ride it all night long.
19661 5 6 Employee Transfer 3273 Michael, Holly, Darryl If you're going my way, I wanna drive you all night long! If you're going my way...
19662 5 6 Employee Transfer 3274 Dwight Hey there. So uh, how do you think we're gonna do against Penn this year? Nathan Ford's arm looks pretty strong.
19663 5 6 Employee Transfer 3274 Andy Well he's had a pretty good season so far--- Stop saying "we." You did not go to Cornell. Okay, you're just doing this to screw with me.
19664 5 6 Employee Transfer 3274 Dwight Not so. Cornell is an excellent school. Without its agricultural program, we probably wouldn't have cabbage. At least not modern cabbage.
19665 5 6 Employee Transfer 3274 Andy I know it's an excellent school, Dwight. I went there. My blood runs Big Red.
19666 5 6 Employee Transfer 3274 Dwight Someday, we'll both get together in Comstock Hall and just laugh about all of this.
19667 5 6 Employee Transfer 3275 Pam Hey!
19668 5 6 Employee Transfer 3275 Tom Halpert Hey, future baby sis!
19669 5 6 Employee Transfer 3275 Pam How are you Tom. Nice to see you.
19670 5 6 Employee Transfer 3275 Tom Halpert I'm good.
19671 5 6 Employee Transfer 3276 Pam I asked Tom and Pete to come early so we could play a prank on Jim at lunch! Pretty awesome, right? I think they're into the idea. They're probably thinking, "That Pam Beasly, she's the coolest sister-in-law on the planet. She's the best! The absolute best."
19672 5 6 Employee Transfer 3277 Pam Okay, so here's what I'm thinking. I'm gonna say that before ceramics class, I took off my ring, and then when I changed back out of my smock, it wasn't in my pocket anymore, and I lost it.
19673 5 6 Employee Transfer 3277 Pete That's perfect. You know what would be even more hilarious? Remember that thing we did when Jim was in high school with his girlfriend?
19674 5 6 Employee Transfer 3277 Tom Halpert Right! That would be hilarious! We should totally dog her, about being an artist, never making any money!
19675 5 6 Employee Transfer 3277 Pete That, is awesome!
19676 5 6 Employee Transfer 3277 Tom Halpert Like she basically has a hobby, for a job.
19677 5 6 Employee Transfer 3277 Pete Oh yeah.
19678 5 6 Employee Transfer 3277 Pam So, not the ring then? The- the- Not doing the ring?
19679 5 6 Employee Transfer 3277 Pete I think this is better.
19680 5 6 Employee Transfer 3277 Tom Halpert The other thing would "get" Jim.
19681 5 6 Employee Transfer 3277 Pete This is nicer, it's fun. It's fun!
19682 5 6 Employee Transfer 3277 Pam Okay, okay.
19683 5 6 Employee Transfer 3277 Tom Halpert Oh, he hates it when we pick on his girlfriends.
19684 5 6 Employee Transfer 3277 Pam Oookay....
19685 5 6 Employee Transfer 3278 Pam They came up with that idea really fast.
19686 5 6 Employee Transfer 3279 Darryl This trip was longer than I thought.
19687 5 6 Employee Transfer 3279 Holly Yeah it did look shorter on the map-
19688 5 6 Employee Transfer 3279 Michael Ah! Ah! Ahhhh! Hey. Whew. Ow. I was having a nightmare.
19689 5 6 Employee Transfer 3279 Holly You were sleeping? You were talking before.
19690 5 6 Employee Transfer 3279 Michael Was I? Really? Was I saying anything interesting?
19691 5 6 Employee Transfer 3279 Darryl Not really.
19692 5 6 Employee Transfer 3279 Michael All right. What's the scoop, how far?
19693 5 6 Employee Transfer 3279 Darryl Four hours. Almost halfway there.
19694 5 6 Employee Transfer 3279 Holly We're only halfway?
19695 5 6 Employee Transfer 3279 Michael Halfway! Okay, You know what I want to do, I want to pull over and find little bed and breakfast for when we meet in the middle. Emphasis on the bed. And the breakfast.
19696 5 6 Employee Transfer 3279 Darryl Next exit isn't for five miles.
19697 5 6 Employee Transfer 3279 Holly Let's check there.
19698 5 6 Employee Transfer 3280 Pam Hey guys.
19699 5 6 Employee Transfer 3280 Jim Hey, how are you?
19700 5 6 Employee Transfer 3280 Pam Hi!
19701 5 6 Employee Transfer 3280 Jim Good to see you.
19702 5 6 Employee Transfer 3280 Pete Nice to see you again, Pam.
19703 5 6 Employee Transfer 3280 Tom Halpert Pam, I haven't seen you in so, so long!
19704 5 6 Employee Transfer 3280 Jim All right so now we can sit... and get comfortable.
19705 5 6 Employee Transfer 3281 Darryl There's nothing out here man.
19706 5 6 Employee Transfer 3281 Michael Yeah. I don't know I just- I imagined a hotel right here. Pool, over here. Really good breakfast place. With really good bacon.
19707 5 6 Employee Transfer 3282 Michael Here we go, fourth time's a charm. "Life's like a road where you just... one day here, and the next day back...Sometimes you deal with it, today you don't, sometimes you do, what you want... there's a world out there.... Hey. Are you crying?
19708 5 6 Employee Transfer 3282 Holly No.
19709 5 6 Employee Transfer 3282 Michael Allergies?
19710 5 6 Employee Transfer 3282 Holly No.
19711 5 6 Employee Transfer 3282 Michael Did Darryl touch you?
19712 5 6 Employee Transfer 3282 Darryl WHAT!?
19713 5 6 Employee Transfer 3282 Holly No, Darryl did not touch me. Can we just keep going, please?
19714 5 6 Employee Transfer 3283 Michael What's the matter?
19715 5 6 Employee Transfer 3283 Holly It's not gonna work.
19716 5 6 Employee Transfer 3283 Michael Sure it is.
19717 5 6 Employee Transfer 3283 Holly There's too much distance.
19718 5 6 Employee Transfer 3283 Michael Oh no no no.. It's gonna work, it'll be fine.
19719 5 6 Employee Transfer 3283 Holly Michael we've only been dating each other for a few weeks
19720 5 6 Employee Transfer 3283 Michael Listen to me. I like you so much.
19721 5 6 Employee Transfer 3283 Holly And I like you too.
19722 5 6 Employee Transfer 3283 Michael And I've dated four women in the last--
19723 5 6 Employee Transfer 3283 Holly I've dated four guys last year too.
19724 5 6 Employee Transfer 3283 Michael Not last - no. In like the last ten years.
19725 5 6 Employee Transfer 3283 Holly Oh.
19726 5 6 Employee Transfer 3283 Michael I've dated almost four women, and you are so far above them, it is stupid.
19727 5 6 Employee Transfer 3283 Holly Michael. Don't. Don't. Don't make it harder than it has to be.
19728 5 6 Employee Transfer 3283 Michael That's what she said.
19729 5 6 Employee Transfer 3284 Michael Holly thinks that this relationship is over. Well, you know what? I am not gonna give up that easy. I'm gonna make this way harder than it needs to be.
19730 5 6 Employee Transfer 3285 Andy Take that down.
19731 5 6 Employee Transfer 3285 Dwight Excuse me?
19732 5 6 Employee Transfer 3285 Andy Take. That down.
19733 5 6 Employee Transfer 3285 Meredith You know I once dated a couple of guys from Cornell. They were really nice. They gave me a ride home.
19734 5 6 Employee Transfer 3285 Andy I seriously doubt that anyone from Cornell dated you.
19735 5 6 Employee Transfer 3285 Creed It's pronounced Ker-nell. It's the highest rank in the military.
19736 5 6 Employee Transfer 3285 Andy It's pronounced "Corn-ell!" It's the highest rank in the Ivy League!
19737 5 6 Employee Transfer 3285 Dwight Andy, let's just talk about this man-to-man, after work.
19738 5 6 Employee Transfer 3285 Andy Fine.
19739 5 6 Employee Transfer 3285 Dwight What do you say?
19740 5 6 Employee Transfer 3285 Andy Yeah, good. Can we--- Grr. Heh heh heh. That's Big Red Bear! That's a bobble Big Red Bear! God!!
19741 5 6 Employee Transfer 3286 Holly If you leave on Friday, by five, you'll be rolling in at... midnight? At best?
19742 5 6 Employee Transfer 3286 Michael Yeah.
19743 5 6 Employee Transfer 3286 Holly And then sleep in Saturday. That only leaves us less than 24 hours before you have to go back again.
19744 5 6 Employee Transfer 3286 Michael Okay, okay. I will talk to you on the Bluetooth the entire trip. So we're talking constantly all the way.
19745 5 6 Employee Transfer 3286 Holly Oh.
19746 5 6 Employee Transfer 3286 Michael I'll tell you everything that I see. Everything that I pass by, things that I witness on the road.
19747 5 6 Employee Transfer 3286 Holly Well-
19748 5 6 Employee Transfer 3286 Michael Maybe I'll see an accident one weekend?
19749 5 6 Employee Transfer 3286 Holly How long could we keep that up?
19750 5 6 Employee Transfer 3286 Michael Years!
19751 5 6 Employee Transfer 3286 Holly Years?
19752 5 6 Employee Transfer 3286 Michael Yeah.
19753 5 6 Employee Transfer 3286 Holly Years? Of just a few hours every weekend?
19754 5 6 Employee Transfer 3286 Michael Here's my wish. I want you to meet a great guy, and I want you to be happy.
19755 5 6 Employee Transfer 3286 Holly Thank you.
19756 5 6 Employee Transfer 3286 Michael My wish has come true, incidentally, because, you've met me, and you are happy.
19757 5 6 Employee Transfer 3286 Darryl Clever, Mike.
19758 5 6 Employee Transfer 3287 Tom Halpert So Pam, how much does an artist make after they leave art school?
19759 5 6 Employee Transfer 3287 Pete Yeah, not a lot of money in the arts, right?
19760 5 6 Employee Transfer 3287 Jim That's not really true. There's a lot of things you can do with an art degree actually.
19761 5 6 Employee Transfer 3287 Tom Halpert Maybe Pam should pay the check by drawing a picture on this napkin.
19762 5 6 Employee Transfer 3287 Jim Wow, that's- that's a little rude. What's your deal?
19763 5 6 Employee Transfer 3287 Pete Hey, just having fun Jimmy.
19764 5 6 Employee Transfer 3287 Tom Halpert Yeah. Right Pam?
19765 5 6 Employee Transfer 3287 Pam Yup!
19766 5 6 Employee Transfer 3288 Michael You know what? I think we're a great couple. I think we're a classic couple. I think we're like Romeo and Juliet. I think we... go together so well. We're like peanut butter and jelly, don't you think?
19767 5 6 Employee Transfer 3288 Holly I do, I think so.
19768 5 6 Employee Transfer 3288 Michael Then don't do it. Please don't do this. Please don't do this.
19769 5 6 Employee Transfer 3288 Darryl Hey what's up, I just thought I'd try you. I was thinking about that story where you ran into the girl you used to babysit.
19770 5 6 Employee Transfer 3288 Michael I don't know what I'm gonna do!
19771 5 6 Employee Transfer 3288 Darryl Please call me back.
19772 5 6 Employee Transfer 3288 Michael Please?
19773 5 6 Employee Transfer 3288 Holly You'll be okay
19774 5 6 Employee Transfer 3288 Michael I'm not gonna be okay.
19775 5 6 Employee Transfer 3288 Darryl Please...
19776 5 6 Employee Transfer 3288 Holly You will.
19777 5 6 Employee Transfer 3288 Michael No I won't! I'm not strong! And I'll go back to Jan, and I hate Jan! Oh God!
19778 5 6 Employee Transfer 3289 Andy You might be interested-
19779 5 6 Employee Transfer 3289 Stanley What?
19780 5 6 Employee Transfer 3289 Andy Dwight!
19781 5 6 Employee Transfer 3289 Dwight Andy, I've been meaning to ask you, which a cappella group should I join? The Harmoniacs, or the Do-Re-Mi-Go's?
19782 5 6 Employee Transfer 3289 Andy Hm. Assuming you had the voice to be in any of them, it's irrelevant. Because I called admissions and it looks like I, will be conducting your university interview.
19783 5 6 Employee Transfer 3289 Dwight That's a conflict of interest.
19784 5 6 Employee Transfer 3289 Andy Yeah. Big one. So, should I not let you in now, or do you want to do the interview, and then I won't let you in?
19785 5 6 Employee Transfer 3289 Dwight Interview.
19786 5 6 Employee Transfer 3289 Andy Excellent. When the hourglass strikes three, then in the room whence employees confer.
19787 5 6 Employee Transfer 3289 Dwight What?
19788 5 6 Employee Transfer 3289 Andy The conference room!
19789 5 6 Employee Transfer 3289 Dwight Okay.
19790 5 6 Employee Transfer 3290 Andy Who are your role models?
19791 5 6 Employee Transfer 3291 Andy If I had to put Dwight's chances into a percentage, I would say he has none percent chance.
19792 5 6 Employee Transfer 3292 Andy So, Dane Cook, Jack Bauer, and Eli Whitney. You're doing great.
19793 5 6 Employee Transfer 3293 Jim Oh wow. This is my niece Vanessa. She's a trumpeter. And, look at her.
19794 5 6 Employee Transfer 3293 Pam Cute.
19795 5 6 Employee Transfer 3293 Jim That must be really fun for you and Marci huh?
19796 5 6 Employee Transfer 3293 Tom Halpert Yup. She only knows how to play "When the Saints go Marching In."
19797 5 6 Employee Transfer 3293 Jim Love that one.
19798 5 6 Employee Transfer 3293 Pete Yeah but, she doesn't think she's gonna be like, career musician right?
19799 5 6 Employee Transfer 3293 Jim Here you go again! What is your deal today?
19800 5 6 Employee Transfer 3293 Pete Just saying. How many famous trumpeters can you name besides... Louis Armstrong?
19801 5 6 Employee Transfer 3293 Pam Miles Davis.
19802 5 6 Employee Transfer 3293 Jim One.
19803 5 6 Employee Transfer 3293 Pam Chet ...something.
19804 5 6 Employee Transfer 3293 Jim Half.
19805 5 6 Employee Transfer 3293 Pete The point is Pam, is there are jobs-
19806 5 6 Employee Transfer 3293 Pam Dizzy Gillespie.
19807 5 6 Employee Transfer 3293 Jim Also good.
19808 5 6 Employee Transfer 3293 Pete And there are hobbies. I love baseball more than anything, but you don't see me try to get on the Mets.
19809 5 6 Employee Transfer 3293 Tom Halpert You don't!
19810 5 6 Employee Transfer 3293 Jim Pete couldn't make the Mets. She's at Pratt. You played JV baseball. Will you lighten up a little bit?
19811 5 6 Employee Transfer 3293 Pete I'm just calling it like I see it.
19812 5 6 Employee Transfer 3293 Pam I don't know if I'm gonna make any money with art.
19813 5 6 Employee Transfer 3293 Jim Pam, don't worry about it.
19814 5 6 Employee Transfer 3293 Pam I mean it's a very competitive field. But I have a professor who says I have a lot of promise, and if I don't try now, I never will. So...
19815 5 6 Employee Transfer 3293 Jim Guys, what is going on?!
19816 5 6 Employee Transfer 3293 Tom Halpert We pranked you!
19817 5 6 Employee Transfer 3293 Pete It was Pam's idea. Pam was the mastermind.
19818 5 6 Employee Transfer 3293 Pam ... Got you.
19819 5 6 Employee Transfer 3293 Pete That was killer. I was so close to blowing it.
19820 5 6 Employee Transfer 3294 Andy Let's see how well you know your Big Red history.
19821 5 6 Employee Transfer 3294 Dwight Bring it.
19822 5 6 Employee Transfer 3294 Andy Who was Cornell's eighth president?
19823 5 6 Employee Transfer 3294 Dwight Dale Raymond Corson!
19824 5 6 Employee Transfer 3294 Andy Mm, I'm sorry that's incorrect. Cornell's seventh president was in fact, James A. Perkins. Comprehension skills, sub-par.
19825 5 6 Employee Transfer 3294 Dwight Hmm, interviewing skills, sub-par.
19826 5 6 Employee Transfer 3294 Andy What are you writing? Can't even give Cornell your full attention?
19827 5 6 Employee Transfer 3294 Dwight On the contrary, I'm helping Cornell. By evaluating their interviewers.
19828 5 6 Employee Transfer 3294 Andy Nobody wants ...that, to happen.
19829 5 6 Employee Transfer 3294 Dwight Well, when they get my evaluation we'll see if they're interested.
19830 5 6 Employee Transfer 3294 Andy "Applicant is attempting to blackmail interviewer, showing low moral character."
19831 5 6 Employee Transfer 3294 Dwight "Interviewer is threatening applicant with an arbitrary review process."
19832 5 6 Employee Transfer 3294 Andy "Applicant is wasting everyone's time with stupid and inane accusations."
19833 5 6 Employee Transfer 3294 Dwight "Interviewer has suspect motives."
19834 5 6 Employee Transfer 3294 Andy "Applicant has a head shaped like a trapezoid."
19835 5 6 Employee Transfer 3294 Dwight "Interviewer has turned off applicant's interest in Cornell, and they are going to go to the vastly superior Dartmouth." Ever heard of it? I think I have everything I need.
19836 5 6 Employee Transfer 3294 Andy I have everything I need-
19837 5 6 Employee Transfer 3294 Dwight And you will be hearing from the -
19838 5 6 Employee Transfer 3294 Andy And you will be hearing from -
19839 5 6 Employee Transfer 3294 Dwight -Cornell Application Department,
19840 5 6 Employee Transfer 3294 Andy which I will not be a part of-
19841 5 6 Employee Transfer 3294 Dwight And you will not be pleased with the result.
19842 5 6 Employee Transfer 3294 Andy And YOU will not be pleased with the result!
19843 5 6 Employee Transfer 3294 Dwight And your affiliation with Cornell -
19844 5 6 Employee Transfer 3294 Andy And your affiliation with Cornell -
19845 5 6 Employee Transfer 3294 Dwight Will end completely!
19846 5 6 Employee Transfer 3294 Andy Will end completely!
19847 5 6 Employee Transfer 3294 Dwight That is all sir, you may go.
19848 5 6 Employee Transfer 3295 Darryl There's another dolly in the truck, Mike. You could take more than that lamp.
19849 5 6 Employee Transfer 3296 Pam For the record, I wanted go another direction. Which was way better.
19850 5 6 Employee Transfer 3296 Jim Well, I'll be the judge of that. What do you got?
19851 5 6 Employee Transfer 3296 Pam Okay. I lost my engagement ring in ceramics class. Left it in my smock. I had this whole thing where I go back to class, wrongly accuse another girl. Look I even used makeup to put a ring around my finger, you can hardly see it, it's very subtle.
19852 5 6 Employee Transfer 3296 Jim That is good.
19853 5 6 Employee Transfer 3296 Pam Thank you.
19854 5 6 Employee Transfer 3296 Jim Truthfully anything would have been better than that prank. Oh, text message from my brother. "Pam cool. Welcome to the family."
19855 5 6 Employee Transfer 3296 Pam Oh. Hey how about at Thanksgiving we prank Tom about being bald?
19856 5 6 Employee Transfer 3297 Darryl This is the last of it.
19857 5 6 Employee Transfer 3297 Michael Oh that's mine actually. Um, maybe put it back in the truck.
19858 5 6 Employee Transfer 3297 Darryl You're not staying?
19859 5 6 Employee Transfer 3297 Michael You know I have some things I need to do this weekend. I just remembered, so, I'll just ride back with you.
19860 5 6 Employee Transfer 3297 Darryl But you want me to put it back in the truck.
19861 5 6 Employee Transfer 3297 Michael I'll be down in just a second. Holly?
19862 5 6 Employee Transfer 3298 Michael So um... I think I'm gonna go back with Darryl Okay. Goodbye.
19863 5 6 Employee Transfer 3298 Holly Okay. Bye.
19864 5 6 Employee Transfer 3299 Darryl I know it's hard Mike. Break-ups hurt.
19865 5 6 Employee Transfer 3299 Michael We didn't break up.
19866 5 6 Employee Transfer 3299 Darryl Looked like it. Sometimes when I'm down like this, it helps to sing the blues.
19867 5 6 Employee Transfer 3299 Michael Okay.
19868 5 6 Employee Transfer 3299 Darryl Da na na na na... da na na na na...
19869 5 6 Employee Transfer 3299 Michael That's a really pretty song.
19870 5 6 Employee Transfer 3299 Darryl Da na na na na. No, no, check it out, look. Da na na na na... want to do that?
19871 5 6 Employee Transfer 3299 Michael Okay.
19872 5 6 Employee Transfer 3299 Darryl That's when you hit me with what's getting you down, okay?
19873 5 6 Employee Transfer 3299 Michael Okay.
19874 5 6 Employee Transfer 3299 Darryl Da na na na na.
19875 5 6 Employee Transfer 3299 Michael Da na na na na.
19876 5 6 Employee Transfer 3299 Darryl Da na na na na.
19877 5 6 Employee Transfer 3299 Michael Da na na na na.
19878 5 6 Employee Transfer 3299 Darryl No, wait. You're, you're supposed to... Never mind. Da na na na na.
19879 5 6 Employee Transfer 3299 Michael Da na na na na.
19880 5 6 Employee Transfer 3299 Darryl Da na na na na.
19881 5 6 Employee Transfer 3299 Michael Da na na na na.
19882 5 6 Employee Transfer 3299 Darryl Da na na na na!!
19883 5 6 Employee Transfer 3299 Michael Da na na na na!!
19884 5 6 Employee Transfer 3299 Darryl Da na na na na .
19885 5 6 Employee Transfer 3299 Michael Da na na na na.
19886 5 6 Employee Transfer 3299 Darryl Yeah! Da na na na na.
19887 5 6 Employee Transfer 3299 Michael Da na na na na.
19888 5 6 Employee Transfer 3299 Darryl YEAH! Da na na na na.
19889 5 6 Employee Transfer 3299 Michael Da na na na na...
19890 5 6 Employee Transfer 3300 Andy I thought I'd come in casual today. Man, I'm hungry. Anyone else feel like a beet?
19891 5 6 Employee Transfer 3300 Dwight Where did you get those?
19892 5 6 Employee Transfer 3300 Andy What, these? Bernard Farms. Best beets in the state.
19893 5 6 Employee Transfer 3300 Dwight I see what you are doing. But I do not know where you are going with this.
19894 5 6 Employee Transfer 3300 Andy Well you will. Soon as you visit, my new beet farm. You're supposed to cook these, aren't you?
19895 5 6 Employee Transfer 3300 Dwight Cornell.
19896 5 7 Customer Survey 3301 Michael Hey, sport.
19897 5 7 Customer Survey 3301 Dwight I heard someone got engaged, you dog, huh?
19898 5 7 Customer Survey 3301 Michael Ow! God!
19899 5 7 Customer Survey 3301 Dwight Oh, nothing can hurt you now. You're a man in love!
19900 5 7 Customer Survey 3302 Darryl I was there. That dude is not engaged. I'm not a big believer in therapy, but I'll go into my own pocket to cover his co-pay.
19901 5 7 Customer Survey 3303 Andy Big idea: double wedding. Me, Angela, you, Holly.
19902 5 7 Customer Survey 3303 Michael No, we would never do that. And if we did, it would be with Jim and Pam.
19903 5 7 Customer Survey 3303 Jim Yeah, we'd never do that.
19904 5 7 Customer Survey 3303 Michael Yeah, so there you go.
19905 5 7 Customer Survey 3303 Kelly Michael, I got my bridesmaid dress.
19906 5 7 Customer Survey 3303 Michael Oh, wow, so quickly.
19907 5 7 Customer Survey 3303 Kelly Yeah, and you said I could get it in any color I wanted, so I picked white.
19908 5 7 Customer Survey 3303 Kevin Michael, did you tell your mom yet?
19909 5 7 Customer Survey 3303 Michael Nope. Nope. Not yet.
19910 5 7 Customer Survey 3303 Jim You wouldn't tell your mom?
19911 5 7 Customer Survey 3303 Kevin You love your mom.
19912 5 7 Customer Survey 3303 Kelly Call your mom, Michael.
19913 5 7 Customer Survey 3303 Michael I'll call her later.
19914 5 7 Customer Survey 3303 Group Call her! Call her!
19915 5 7 Customer Survey 3303 Michael I don't want to do that. All right. She is going to freak out!
19916 5 7 Customer Survey 3303 Andy Speakerphone!
19917 5 7 Customer Survey 3303 Michael That's -- thanks.
19918 5 7 Customer Survey 3303 Mother Hello?
19919 5 7 Customer Survey 3303 Michael Mom, I'm getting married.
19920 5 7 Customer Survey 3303 Mother No, you're not.
19921 5 7 Customer Survey 3303 Michael Why do you always do that? Whenever I'm getting married, you don't believe me.
19922 5 7 Customer Survey 3303 Mother Well, are you getting married?
19923 5 7 Customer Survey 3303 Michael No.
19924 5 7 Customer Survey 3303 Mother Are you--
19925 5 7 Customer Survey 3303 Michael I'm not, I'm not getting married. So... Psych.
19926 5 7 Customer Survey 3304 Kelly So I returned my bridesmaid dress, and it was on sale, so I'm out $100.
19927 5 7 Customer Survey 3304 Michael And I'm out a fiancee. Are those the customer surveys?
19928 5 7 Customer Survey 3304 Kelly Yeah, uh, this is all of them: Jim, Dwight, Phyllis, Stanley, Andy and -- oh. Oh, it's the receipt to my bridesmaid dress. What's that doing there?
19929 5 7 Customer Survey 3304 Michael I'll take care of that for you. Thanks.
19930 5 7 Customer Survey 3305 Michael Kelly Kapoor is our dusky, exotic customer service rep. And once a year, she will contact our clients and find out how happy they are with our salespeople. Sort of a Kapoor's List. "Schindler's List" parody. ... That's not appropriate, no.
19931 5 7 Customer Survey 3306 Jim Those reports affect our bonuses, which is kind of great for me, because you wouldn't know it from looking at her, but Pam's a gold-digger.
19932 5 7 Customer Survey 3306 Pam Hey, New York ain't free. Get back to work.
19933 5 7 Customer Survey 3306 Jim Aww.
19934 5 7 Customer Survey 3307 Pam It's the world's tiniest Bluetooth. I found it in a Japanese gadget store in the village. I got one for Jim, too. Jim, say something.
19935 5 7 Customer Survey 3307 Jim Testing, testing. Hello, everybody.
19936 5 7 Customer Survey 3307 Pam We wanted to stay on the phone all day, but the company has a policy against eight-hour personal calls. So we're not telling anyone.
19937 5 7 Customer Survey 3307 Alex Uh, Pam. What do you want on your coffee?
19938 5 7 Customer Survey 3307 Jim, Pam Sprinkle of cinnamon.
19939 5 7 Customer Survey 3307 Pam I should go.
19940 5 7 Customer Survey 3308 Michael Alrighty, Dwighty, let's see how you did.
19941 5 7 Customer Survey 3308 Dwight Bring it on.
19942 5 7 Customer Survey 3308 Michael No.
19943 5 7 Customer Survey 3308 Dwight Sorry.
19944 5 7 Customer Survey 3308 Michael Wow.
19945 5 7 Customer Survey 3308 Dwight What does it say?
19946 5 7 Customer Survey 3308 Michael Dwight, your feedback is horrible.
19947 5 7 Customer Survey 3308 Dwight That's impossible.
19948 5 7 Customer Survey 3308 Michael A number of your clients found your personal style abrasive and distasteful.
19949 5 7 Customer Survey 3308 Dwight I sell more paper than anyone.
19950 5 7 Customer Survey 3308 Michael No, no, no, no, no.
19951 5 7 Customer Survey 3308 Dwight Wait, is this a joke? I'm getting that queasy feeling that sometimes accompanies jokes.
19952 5 7 Customer Survey 3308 Michael Do I look like I am joking?
19953 5 7 Customer Survey 3308 Dwight No, but that's sometimes part of it.
19954 5 7 Customer Survey 3308 Michael If I were joking, you would be laughing. Do you look like you are laughing?
19955 5 7 Customer Survey 3308 Dwight Impossible to say. I can't see myself.
19956 5 7 Customer Survey 3308 Michael You're not.
19957 5 7 Customer Survey 3309 Andy Yo, Tommy Tuna, did you get your scores yet?
19958 5 7 Customer Survey 3309 Jim Nope.
19959 5 7 Customer Survey 3309 Andy I got mine. They were really good.
19960 5 7 Customer Survey 3309 Pam I miss him.
19961 5 7 Customer Survey 3309 Jim You must be really proud.
19962 5 7 Customer Survey 3309 Andy Yeah, pretty psyched. Whoa! That's my mug.
19963 5 7 Customer Survey 3309 Jim Oh, sorry. It was just -- it was right here.
19964 5 7 Customer Survey 3309 Andy Right, well, it's mine, so if you could pour it out and get another one.
19965 5 7 Customer Survey 3309 Jim OK. Or maybe I could finish the coffee that's in here and you could use uh, oh -- Snoopy.
19966 5 7 Customer Survey 3309 Pam Don't give him Snoopy. That's mine.
19967 5 7 Customer Survey 3309 Andy It is a great mug. But it's not my mug. That is my mug. So give it back.
19968 5 7 Customer Survey 3309 Jim How can you even be sure?
19969 5 7 Customer Survey 3309 Andy It has my face on it.
19970 5 7 Customer Survey 3309 Jim Make the face. Yeah, I don't see it.
19971 5 7 Customer Survey 3309 Andy Dude, that is my face!
19972 5 7 Customer Survey 3310 Pam What was that?
19973 5 7 Customer Survey 3310 Jim Wow. That was Dwight. He seems upset about something.
19974 5 7 Customer Survey 3310 Pam Describe him exactly. What color mustard is his shirt? Yellow or Dijon?
19975 5 7 Customer Survey 3310 Jim It is... more of a spicy brown, actually.
19976 5 7 Customer Survey 3310 Dwight What are you mumbling about?
19977 5 7 Customer Survey 3310 Jim How was your meeting with Michael?
19978 5 7 Customer Survey 3310 Dwight None of your business.
19979 5 7 Customer Survey 3310 Jim Was it your scores?
19980 5 7 Customer Survey 3310 Dwight Those can't be my scores, Jim. For your information --
19981 5 7 Customer Survey 3310 Jim Mm-hmm.
19982 5 7 Customer Survey 3310 Dwight I'm being sabotaged.
19983 5 7 Customer Survey 3310 Jim Of course.
19984 5 7 Customer Survey 3310 Dwight And I'm going to find that person and punish them.
19985 5 7 Customer Survey 3310 Jim Absolutely. Or you could just be nice to your customers.
19986 5 7 Customer Survey 3310 Dwight You're an idiot.
19987 5 7 Customer Survey 3310 Jim There's the charm.
19988 5 7 Customer Survey 3310 Michael Jimbo, let's do this thang.
19989 5 7 Customer Survey 3310 Jim That is me. Wish me luck.
19990 5 7 Customer Survey 3310 Dwight No way.
19991 5 7 Customer Survey 3310 Pam Good luck.
19992 5 7 Customer Survey 3310 Jim Thanks.
19993 5 7 Customer Survey 3310 Dwight I didn't say anything
19994 5 7 Customer Survey 3310 Pam I love you.
19995 5 7 Customer Survey 3310 Jim I love you, too.
19996 5 7 Customer Survey 3310 Dwight What do you think I am saying to you?!
19997 5 7 Customer Survey 3310 Jim I'm not talking to you.
19998 5 7 Customer Survey 3311 Dwight I've caught Jim talking to himself several times today. What a loser. Get a friend, loser.
19999 5 7 Customer Survey 3312 Andy Yeah, I'm looking at it right now. It's really gorgeous. You guys do great work.
20000 5 7 Customer Survey 3313 Andy I found the best tentist on the east coast. He personally tented Giuliani's first and third weddings. And I got him. I got him!
20001 5 7 Customer Survey 3314 Andy Would you be able to do the same design, but with walls of gray? And a top that's gray too? Fabulous.
20002 5 7 Customer Survey 3315 Michael Oh, come on.
20003 5 7 Customer Survey 3315 Jim What?
20004 5 7 Customer Survey 3315 Michael You too?
20005 5 7 Customer Survey 3315 Jim Did my scores drop a little?
20006 5 7 Customer Survey 3315 Michael Jim, they are a poopy.
20007 5 7 Customer Survey 3316 Pam Jim? Jim?
20008 5 7 Customer Survey 3317 Jim Are we even sure that's my file?
20009 5 7 Customer Survey 3317 Michael No. Yes, I am sure, Jim. It --
20010 5 7 Customer Survey 3317 Jim Well, there's got to be an explanation.
20011 5 7 Customer Survey 3317 Michael I agree.
20012 5 7 Customer Survey 3317 Jim Yeah.
20013 5 7 Customer Survey 3317 Michael So let's see what we can find out from reading. Jim Halpert is smudge and arrogant.
20014 5 7 Customer Survey 3317 Jim I think you mean smug
20015 5 7 Customer Survey 3317 Michael Arrogance.
20016 5 7 Customer Survey 3317 Jim Michael, I'm just trying to --
20017 5 7 Customer Survey 3317 Michael And there's our smudgeness.
20018 5 7 Customer Survey 3318 Jim I need a decent bonus, because I'm actually in the process of buying my parents' house so that they can retire. And if history tells us anything, it's that you can't go wrong buying a house you can't afford. Pam doesn't know about the house, so it's... a fun surprise. Pam, sorry about that. I lost you for a second. So, as it turns out, I may not have done so hot on my customer reviews this year.
20019 5 7 Customer Survey 3318 Pam Maybe it's because you spent the whole year flirting with the receptionist.
20020 5 7 Customer Survey 3318 Jim A little bit. ... Worth it.
20021 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Michael Here's what's going to happen. I am going to have to fix you, manage you two on a more personal scale, a more micro form of management. Jim, what is that called?
20022 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Jim Microgement.
20023 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Michael Boom! Yes. Now, Jim is going to be the client. Dwight, you're going to have to sell to him without being aggressive, hostile or difficult. Let's go.
20024 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Dwight All right, fine. Brrring.
20025 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Jim Hello?
20026 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Dwight Hello, this is Dwight Schrute from the Dunder Mifflin Paper Company.
20027 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Jim Wow, that's great, because I need paper.
20028 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Dwight Excellent, then you are in luck, because we are having a limited-time offer only on everything.
20029 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Jim Wow, this is my lucky day.
20030 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Michael Ask him his name.
20031 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Dwight What is your name, sir?
20032 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Jim I am Bill Buttlicker.
20033 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Dwight Really, that's your real name?
20034 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Jim How dare you? My family built this country, by the way.
20035 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Michael Be respectful, Dwight.
20036 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Dwight Yes, Michael.
20037 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Jim Would you hold on one second? That's my other line.
20038 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Dwight What? No, but I --
20039 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Jim Hello? No, I'm just on the phone with this stupid salesman. He's so dumb. Probably just gonna keep him on the line forever and not buy anything. Yeah, OK.
20040 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Michael It's up to you to change his mind.
20041 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Jim Sorry. That was a family emergency.
20042 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Dwight Oh, no. What's wrong?
20043 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Jim You know what? That's private.
20044 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Michael Boundaries, Dwight. Come on!
20045 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Dwight Sorry, Mr. Buttlicker. As I was saying, we're having a limited--
20046 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Jim Sorry, you're going to have to speak up a little bit louder. I'm hard of hearing.
20047 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Michael He's hard of -- he's an old man. Let's go.
20048 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Dwight OK, as I was saying, right now we are having --
20049 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Jim You're gonna have to talk louder.
20050 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Dwight OK, our prices have never been lower.
20051 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Jim Son, you have to talk louder.
20052 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Dwight ...never been lower!
20053 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Jim Louder, son!
20054 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Dwight Buttlicker! Our prices have never been lower!
20055 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Michael Stop it! Stop it!
20056 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Dwight He --
20057 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Michael That is totally inappropriate. You never yell at the client. You never yell at the client.
20058 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Jim Now, you listen to me, sir.
20059 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Michael Here we go.
20060 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Jim The three words I would describe you as is aggressive, hostile and definitely difficult.
20061 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Michael Give me the phone.
20062 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Dwight Please, Mr. Buttlicker --
20063 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Jim I'm irate right now.
20064 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Michael Give me the phone.
20065 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Dwight Please give me another chance. Mr. Buttlicker.
20066 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Michael Give me the phone. Give me the phone.
20067 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Dwight I have to put you on with my boss.
20068 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Jim Well, I should hope so. Who is this?
20069 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Michael Hello, this is Michael Scott, regional manager.
20070 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Jim Well, this is William M. Buttlicker.
20071 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Michael Hello, Mr. Buttlicker. How may we help you?
20072 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Jim Michael, I like the sound of your voice. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to buy one million dollars worth of paper products today.
20073 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Dwight Yeah!
20074 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Michael See how it's done? Thank you very much, sir. I don't think you'll regret it. See what I did?
20075 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Dwight You are the master.
20076 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Jim There is one condition, Michael.
20077 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Michael Yes.
20078 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Jim You have to fire the salesman that treated me so terribly.
20079 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Dwight Don't do it, Michael.
20080 5 7 Customer Survey 3319 Michael ... It's a million-dollar sale.
20081 5 7 Customer Survey 3320 Andy So it's called the Shangri-La Tent. It's two stories, heated and has a bridal suite for my bridal sweet. It's just really simple, really tasteful.
20082 5 7 Customer Survey 3320 Angela I don't want to be married in a tent like a hobo
20083 5 7 Customer Survey 3320 Andy Hobos live in trains.
20084 5 7 Customer Survey 3320 Angela Nana Mimi can't be in canvas that long.
20085 5 7 Customer Survey 3320 Andy Well, Nana Mim -- Ahh. OK, look. This tent is awesome. And it's in high demand, so I really think we should put a deposit down now.
20086 5 7 Customer Survey 3320 Angela OK fine you can have your tent, but only if it's in a field, a hand-plowed field
20087 5 7 Customer Survey 3320 Andy Done and done-er.
20088 5 7 Customer Survey 3320 Angela There has to be a barn that's old enough that you can see the stars through the roof slats when you lay on your back. And antique tools to look at when you roll over.
20089 5 7 Customer Survey 3320 Andy Do you have a specific place in mind?
20090 5 7 Customer Survey 3320 Angela No. But anything within a five- to eight-mile radius is acceptable.
20091 5 7 Customer Survey 3320 Andy On it!
20092 5 7 Customer Survey 3321 Jim Dwight. Dwight.
20093 5 7 Customer Survey 3321 Dwight Get in!
20094 5 7 Customer Survey 3321 Jim Are you serious?
20095 5 7 Customer Survey 3321 Dwight Get in!
20096 5 7 Customer Survey 3321 Jim OK, what are you --
20097 5 7 Customer Survey 3321 Dwight Shh. They might be listening to us.
20098 5 7 Customer Survey 3321 Jim What's that?
20099 5 7 Customer Survey 3321 Dwight They might be listening to us
20100 5 7 Customer Survey 3321 Jim Who's they?
20101 5 7 Customer Survey 3321 Dwight Customer service might be monitoring this conversation.
20102 5 7 Customer Survey 3321 Jim In this car?
20103 5 7 Customer Survey 3321 Dwight You never know. Better safe than sorry.
20104 5 7 Customer Survey 3321 Jim What are you thinking?
20105 5 7 Customer Survey 3321 Dwight Who stands to benefit from our downfall?
20106 5 7 Customer Survey 3321 Jim The mob, maybe NASA.
20107 5 7 Customer Survey 3321 Dwight Could be the mob. But then Dunder-Mifflin would need to be a front for money laundering, and there's little evidence of that.
20108 5 7 Customer Survey 3321 Jim Is there some evidence?
20109 5 7 Customer Survey 3321 Pam Ooh, cute shoes online.
20110 5 7 Customer Survey 3321 Jim How many shoes do you need?
20111 5 7 Customer Survey 3321 Dwight I don't know. Two, maybe three if one wears out. How many shoes do you need?
20112 5 7 Customer Survey 3322 Jim I'm not talking to you.
20113 5 7 Customer Survey 3322 Dwight Who are you talking to?
20114 5 7 Customer Survey 3322 Jim Pam.
20115 5 7 Customer Survey 3322 Dwight She's not here, Jim.
20116 5 7 Customer Survey 3322 Jim No, she's not.
20117 5 7 Customer Survey 3323 Pam Na na na na na. Na na na na na na na.
20118 5 7 Customer Survey 3324 Andy Yes!
20119 5 7 Customer Survey 3325 Andy I found it. I found the perfect place. A local bed-and-breakfast on a 60-acre beet farm. And even better, I have an in with the owner. Oh, yeah. We work together. It's Dwight Schrute. As in Schrute Farms.
20120 5 7 Customer Survey 3326 Customer So I'd like to redouble my order, if you could put me down for, um --
20121 5 7 Customer Survey 3326 Dwight Wait, shut up.
20122 5 7 Customer Survey 3326 Customer I'm sorry?
20123 5 7 Customer Survey 3326 Dwight Shh. Do you hear that?
20124 5 7 Customer Survey 3326 Customer Hear what?
20125 5 7 Customer Survey 3326 Dwight Breathing. Is that you?
20126 5 7 Customer Survey 3326 Customer Well, I am breathing, yes.
20127 5 7 Customer Survey 3326 Dwight Well, stop. Hold your breath. I still hear it. Who's there? Kelly, is that you? Hold on.
20128 5 7 Customer Survey 3326 Customer I need paper.
20129 5 7 Customer Survey 3327 Dwight Ha!
20130 5 7 Customer Survey 3327 Kelly Oh, my God. You scared me.
20131 5 7 Customer Survey 3327 Dwight Hear anything interesting?
20132 5 7 Customer Survey 3327 Kelly What are you talking about?
20133 5 7 Customer Survey 3327 Dwight I think you know.
20134 5 7 Customer Survey 3327 Kelly You always say that, and I almost never know.
20135 5 7 Customer Survey 3327 Dwight What are you up to, girl? Huh? Phyllis put you up to this? Stanley? Are they paying you?
20136 5 7 Customer Survey 3327 Kelly Are you accusing me of something?
20137 5 7 Customer Survey 3327 Dwight Of course I am. I know you're the mastermind, but you're too stupid to do it by yourself.
20138 5 7 Customer Survey 3327 Jim : OK.
20139 5 7 Customer Survey 3327 Dwight Ah!
20140 5 7 Customer Survey 3327 Jim Easy.
20141 5 7 Customer Survey 3327 Dwight OK.
20142 5 7 Customer Survey 3327 Jim Let's just -- Let's head back to the desk.
20143 5 7 Customer Survey 3327 Kelly You just can't come into my nook and call me stupid. And maybe if you were a little bit more nice and polite, then people wouldn't give you such bad customer reviews.
20144 5 7 Customer Survey 3327 Dwight The reason that I got bad customer reviews is because I didn't! There is a massive conspiracy going on here, and I know you're involved.
20145 5 7 Customer Survey 3327 Kelly Dwight, get out of my nook!
20146 5 7 Customer Survey 3327 Pam That's what she said! That's what she said! That's what she said!
20147 5 7 Customer Survey 3327 Jim Good one.
20148 5 7 Customer Survey 3328 Jim Hey. Sorry about Dwight, by the way.
20149 5 7 Customer Survey 3328 Kelly Yeah, he's weird.
20150 5 7 Customer Survey 3328 Jim Well, we all handle it differently. I personally choose to handle it like a normal person, but...
20151 5 7 Customer Survey 3328 Kelly OK.
20152 5 7 Customer Survey 3328 Jim Hey, how are you and Darryl?
20153 5 7 Customer Survey 3328 Kelly Um, we're cool. Bye.
20154 5 7 Customer Survey 3328 Jim Bye.
20155 5 7 Customer Survey 3328 Pam That was weird.
20156 5 7 Customer Survey 3328 Jim What was?
20157 5 7 Customer Survey 3328 Pam Have you ever had a conversation with Kelly where she didn't go on for 15 minutes without taking a breath?
20158 5 7 Customer Survey 3328 Jim No, actually.
20159 5 7 Customer Survey 3328 Pam Did you do something to her?
20160 5 7 Customer Survey 3328 Jim I don't think so.
20161 5 7 Customer Survey 3328 Pam Well, something's off.
20162 5 7 Customer Survey 3329 Jim Hey, how's things?
20163 5 7 Customer Survey 3329 Ryan All right.
20164 5 7 Customer Survey 3329 Jim Yeah?
20165 5 7 Customer Survey 3329 Ryan Living in the moment.
20166 5 7 Customer Survey 3329 Jim Do you have any reason to believe that Kelly would be mad at me?
20167 5 7 Customer Survey 3329 Ryan I don't play the politics game anymore, Jim. Can I tell you something? I played it full on in New York. I played it high stakes. For keeps. Made it to the top. But look what it cost. Can I tell you what else I learned?
20168 5 7 Customer Survey 3329 Jim Wait, that's pretty weird.
20169 5 7 Customer Survey 3329 Ryan What?
20170 5 7 Customer Survey 3329 Jim Well, Andy has a mug just like that.
20171 5 7 Customer Survey 3329 Ryan Oh, yeah, Kelly gave them out as party favors. Remember? You got one.
20172 5 7 Customer Survey 3329 Jim No. What party?
20173 5 7 Customer Survey 3329 Ryan Her America's Got Talent finale party over the summer. That's crazy. It was packed. I thought everyone was there. You were there. I remember you being there.
20174 5 7 Customer Survey 3329 Jim I wasn't. But thank you. Do you know anything about this party?
20175 5 7 Customer Survey 3329 Pam Yes, I said you definitely should go, but you wanted to visit me instead.
20176 5 7 Customer Survey 3329 Jim Well, I can't be the only one who didn't --
20177 5 7 Customer Survey 3330 Jim Dwight, let me see your coffee cup.
20178 5 7 Customer Survey 3330 Dwight No.
20179 5 7 Customer Survey 3330 Jim Is that it?
20180 5 7 Customer Survey 3330 Dwight No. Why? No.
20181 5 7 Customer Survey 3330 Jim OK, I'm gonna assume that was it. Here's the thing: I think you're right. I think it was Kelly. I think she's mad at us for not coming to her party.
20182 5 7 Customer Survey 3330 Dwight Oh, man, I knew it. Who are her co-conspirators?
20183 5 7 Customer Survey 3330 Jim Probably just Kelly.
20184 5 7 Customer Survey 3330 Dwight Obviously. I knew it.
20185 5 7 Customer Survey 3330 Jim That's what I'm saying.
20186 5 7 Customer Survey 3330 Dwight Yeah. What?
20187 5 7 Customer Survey 3330 Jim You were right.
20188 5 7 Customer Survey 3330 Dwight I was -- I was right.
20189 5 7 Customer Survey 3330 Jim You were right.
20190 5 7 Customer Survey 3330 Dwight I was right.
20191 5 7 Customer Survey 3330 Jim You knew it.
20192 5 7 Customer Survey 3330 Dwight I knew it.
20193 5 7 Customer Survey 3330 Jim You knew it the whole time, buddy.
20194 5 7 Customer Survey 3330 Dwight I knew it the whole time, buddy!
20195 5 7 Customer Survey 3330 Jim Wow.
20196 5 7 Customer Survey 3330 Dwight Yeah! Woo-hoo!
20197 5 7 Customer Survey 3331 Pam Right Dwight is loud.
20198 5 7 Customer Survey 3332 Dwight I knew it! Yeah! Ha-ha! Woo! Boom! Kelly the whole time. Let's get her.
20199 5 7 Customer Survey 3332 Jim No, no, no, no. Dwight, Dwight, Dwight. Let's talk about this.
20200 5 7 Customer Survey 3333 Kelly What's going on?
20201 5 7 Customer Survey 3333 Michael Why don't you tell us?
20202 5 7 Customer Survey 3333 Kelly Nothing's going on.
20203 5 7 Customer Survey 3333 Dwight Let me paint you a picture of a little girl from southern India, who despite being welcomed into this country will now spend the rest of her life in prison for a crime she did commit.
20204 5 7 Customer Survey 3333 Michael Dwight. I was informed by these gentlemen that the reports that you filed may not entirely be accurate.
20205 5 7 Customer Survey 3333 Kelly What? I -- I don't know what you're talking about. This is the first I'm hearing about this.
20206 5 7 Customer Survey 3333 Dwight Oh, come on. You juked the stats, cupcake.
20207 5 7 Customer Survey 3333 Jim We called about a dozen customers, and they all said that they gave us great marks.
20208 5 7 Customer Survey 3333 Michael What's going on?
20209 5 7 Customer Survey 3333 Kelly I love your tie, Michael.
20210 5 7 Customer Survey 3333 Michael Kelly.
20211 5 7 Customer Survey 3333 Kelly I was raped.
20212 5 7 Customer Survey 3333 Michael You cannot say "I was raped" and expect all of your problems to go away, Kelly. Not again. Don't keep doing that. I'll give you one last chance to come clean. Just tell me what happened.
20213 5 7 Customer Survey 3333 Kelly OK, all right. OK, I did it. All right? I lied, whatever. Just fire me. But you know what? I did it because you guys didn't come to my party, and you said you would try to and then you didn't even show up, and so you're bad friends.
20214 5 7 Customer Survey 3333 Dwight We have our confession. I'm calling security.
20215 5 7 Customer Survey 3333 Michael Don't. Don't. Get away from that, Dwight, please. You know what? She's got a point about you two. You do have a problem dealing with people.
20216 5 7 Customer Survey 3333 Kelly See? I wasn't lying.
20217 5 7 Customer Survey 3333 Michael You were lying.
20218 5 7 Customer Survey 3333 Kelly I was lying.
20219 5 7 Customer Survey 3333 Michael Yes. Jim, Dwight, please excuse us.
20220 5 7 Customer Survey 3333 Dwight I want to be here when you fire her ass.
20221 5 7 Customer Survey 3333 Michael I will call you when it is time.
20222 5 7 Customer Survey 3333 Michael I have an enormous amount of trouble trying to get people to come to my place. And I hate it. I can't tell you how much leftover guacamole I have ended up eating over the years. I don't even know why I make it in such great quantities. Here's what we're gonna do. We are going to sit here for a while, make it look good. And maybe you should cry. Can you make yourself cry?
20223 5 7 Customer Survey 3333 Kelly No problem.
20224 5 7 Customer Survey 3333 Michael I think you should do that.
20225 5 7 Customer Survey 3334 Alex Pam Beesley?
20226 5 7 Customer Survey 3334 Pam Hey, what are you doing here?
20227 5 7 Customer Survey 3334 Jim Who's that?
20228 5 7 Customer Survey 3334 Pam It's Alex.
20229 5 7 Customer Survey 3334 Alex It's Pam. Uh, I came to kidnap you. There's free wine and cheese at the Chuck Close retrospective. Let's go.
20230 5 7 Customer Survey 3334 Jim Oh, that's gonna be great. Who's Chuck Close?
20231 5 7 Customer Survey 3334 Pam Oh, I love Chuck Close and his photo-realist paintings. But I have to work.
20232 5 7 Customer Survey 3334 Alex Uh, well, actually there's something else I'd love to talk to you about. Can we go somewhere else to talk about it?
20233 5 7 Customer Survey 3334 Pam OK.
20234 5 7 Customer Survey 3334 Jim That's it. I want to talk to this guy. Put me in his ear.
20235 5 7 Customer Survey 3334 Alex Um.
20236 5 7 Customer Survey 3334 Pam What's up?
20237 5 7 Customer Survey 3334 Alex I'm gonna take a big leap and I want to tell you that I think you should not move back to Scranton.
20238 5 7 Customer Survey 3334 Pam Wow.
20239 5 7 Customer Survey 3334 Jim I'm gonna make a bigger leap here. He is into you.
20240 5 7 Customer Survey 3334 Alex Why did you come to New York in the first place?
20241 5 7 Customer Survey 3334 Pam Because they have a great design program, and I wanted to see if I was any good at it. And I wanted to work on my art, too.
20242 5 7 Customer Survey 3334 Alex Right. And that's why I think that you should stay here. Because I mean, you -- really you just got here, you know? You can't do New York in three months. You know, it has everything. It has -- all the opportunity is here. All the -- the whole art scene is in New York. You know, it would be nuts to go back to Scranton without getting to fully experience it.
20243 5 7 Customer Survey 3334 Pam Jim's in Scranton.
20244 5 7 Customer Survey 3334 Alex I know. But all I'm saying is, if there's even a teeny, tiny part of you that really wants to be an artist, then I think you should stay here, because you don't want to wake up in 50 years and look back and wonder what could have been. And that is the end of my speech. I planned it all. Anyway ... I will see you tomorrow.
20245 5 7 Customer Survey 3334 Pam I'll see you tomorrow.
20246 5 7 Customer Survey 3334 Alex OK.
20247 5 7 Customer Survey 3335 Dwight Is that the Matsuhashi B-400? The world's tiniest Bluetooth? May I?
20248 5 7 Customer Survey 3335 Jim Don't.
20249 5 7 Customer Survey 3336 Dwight Congratulations on choosing Schrute Farms for your wedding.
20250 5 7 Customer Survey 3336 Andy We haven't decided on anything yet. We're still reviewing some options, and it's gonna come down to the numbers.
20251 5 7 Customer Survey 3336 Dwight Well, then. Why don't you look over some of our materials?
20252 5 7 Customer Survey 3336 Andy Oh. Hmm.
20253 5 7 Customer Survey 3336 Dwight While I describe to you the Excalibur package. In addition to the breathtaking natural beauty and smell of Schrute Farms, I can promise you that our grounds can be catered to fit your exact specifications. I will work tirelessly for you over the coming months and be at your constant disposal. Please feel free to call or stop by, any time of the day or night.
20254 5 7 Customer Survey 3336 Andy That's very generous.
20255 5 7 Customer Survey 3336 Dwight While you, my good friend, have nothing more to worry about. This wedding is officially out of your hands.
20256 5 7 Customer Survey 3336 Andy Oh, thank the good Lord. Deal!
20257 5 7 Customer Survey 3336 Dwight OK.
20258 5 7 Customer Survey 3336 Andy Um, what are we talking price wise?
20259 5 7 Customer Survey 3336 Dwight You already said deal.
20260 5 7 Customer Survey 3336 Angela Pay him whatever he wants.
20261 5 7 Customer Survey 3336 Andy Can't argue with that. Dwight ... You are going to make us so happy.
20262 5 8 Business Trip 3337 Michael Did you know that in Morocco it is common to exchange a small gift when meeting somebody for the first time? In Japan you must always commit suicide to avoid embarrassment. In Italy you must always wash your hands after going to the bathroom. This is considered to be polite.
20263 5 8 Business Trip 3337 Jim Why are you telling us this?
20264 5 8 Business Trip 3337 Michael I am jetting off on an international business trip.
20265 5 8 Business Trip 3337 Jim Where are you going?
20266 5 8 Business Trip 3337 Michael To Can-A-da.
20267 5 8 Business Trip 3337 Jim Where is it?
20268 5 8 Business Trip 3337 Michael Canada.
20269 5 8 Business Trip 3337 Jim Okay.
20270 5 8 Business Trip 3338 Michael My boss is sending me abroad to do a presentation to an international client and I have always been intrigued by all things international. The women, the pancakes, the man of mystery...
20271 5 8 Business Trip 3339 Michael Meredith, I would like you to pretend that you are from Abu Dhabi.
20272 5 8 Business Trip 3339 Meredith Hello.
20273 5 8 Business Trip 3339 Michael I am ashamed at your naked face. I must cover it with my jacket. You are now sexy in your culture.
20274 5 8 Business Trip 3340 Kevin T minus...
20275 5 8 Business Trip 3340 Jim Six point five days.
20276 5 8 Business Trip 3340 Creed One more week.
20277 5 8 Business Trip 3341 Jim Pam comes back from New York next week and everyone here has just been so excited for me. And involved. And intrusive. And weird.
20278 5 8 Business Trip 3342 Phyllis On more week.
20279 5 8 Business Trip 3342 Stanley Heh heh.
20280 5 8 Business Trip 3343 David Wallace Do you have your passport?
20281 5 8 Business Trip 3343 Michael I have my passport.
20282 5 8 Business Trip 3343 David Wallace Got your per diem?
20283 5 8 Business Trip 3343 Michael I have my per diem. I already know what I am going to spend this on. I am going to buy a sweater.
20284 5 8 Business Trip 3343 David Wallace Michael, the... that's for your food.
20285 5 8 Business Trip 3343 Michael Well I'll just... I'll use different money for that.
20286 5 8 Business Trip 3344 David Wallace I was happy to send Michael on this trip. He's been feeling pretty down since we had to transfer Holly up to New Hampshire. But this little perk really seemed to turn him around. And it's pretty tough to find somebody who wants to go up to Winnipeg mid-November.
20287 5 8 Business Trip 3345 Michael And business class air, like a five-star hotel in the sky, nothing but the best. Actually better than a five-star hotel 'cause you get a big, cushy seat and you sit in a row of people and to eat, whatever the mind can imagine. I think I am going to have a filet with mushroom sauce.
20288 5 8 Business Trip 3345 David Wallace Well, I'm just glad to know you're happy because you know I felt bad.
20289 5 8 Business Trip 3345 Michael Well that is all in the past.
20290 5 8 Business Trip 3345 David Wallace And in terms of nightlife, when you get there just ask the concierge.
20291 5 8 Business Trip 3345 Michael They have one of those?
20292 5 8 Business Trip 3346 Michael Lets do this!
20293 5 8 Business Trip 3346 Dwight Wait, why do you need three suitcases?
20294 5 8 Business Trip 3346 Michael Two are for souvenirs.
20295 5 8 Business Trip 3346 Dwight Do you have your money belt?
20296 5 8 Business Trip 3346 Michael I do. It's right here.
20297 5 8 Business Trip 3346 Dwight No, no, no, no, no. You want to wear that puppy right up on the breastbone like a bra.
20298 5 8 Business Trip 3346 Michael No, I don't want to wear a bra.
20299 5 8 Business Trip 3346 Dwight Here, let me help you.
20300 5 8 Business Trip 3346 Michael Stop it! Stop it!
20301 5 8 Business Trip 3346 Dwight Do you want to get robbed in a foreign country? I wash my hands of this.
20302 5 8 Business Trip 3346 Michael Okay. Where is my translator?
20303 5 8 Business Trip 3346 Andy Monsieur.
20304 5 8 Business Trip 3346 Michael There he is.
20305 5 8 Business Trip 3346 Andy I'm just bidding a bon voyage a La Mon Petit fiancee. Translation: Goodbye my petite fiancee.
20306 5 8 Business Trip 3346 Angela Be good.
20307 5 8 Business Trip 3346 Andy I will try.
20308 5 8 Business Trip 3346 Angela Meaning what?
20309 5 8 Business Trip 3346 Andy Meaning I will try to get other dudes laid.
20310 5 8 Business Trip 3346 Michael Yeah baby! That's what I'm talking about. That could be you if you hadn't forgotten French. Where is my numbers man?
20311 5 8 Business Trip 3346 Oscar Here.
20312 5 8 Business Trip 3346 Michael There we go. Our town car awaits.
20313 5 8 Business Trip 3346 Meredith It's just a van.
20314 5 8 Business Trip 3346 Michael Its not just a van.
20315 5 8 Business Trip 3346 Meredith Look, I know my way around a van. That is just a van.
20316 5 8 Business Trip 3346 Michael Dwight, can you get those please?
20317 5 8 Business Trip 3347 Michael Welcome to Cribs-the business class edition. Check this out. Mimosa.
20318 5 8 Business Trip 3347 Andy Ah... sweet!
20319 5 8 Business Trip 3347 Michael Handed to me as I sat down. This was my hot towel. It is still wet.
20320 5 8 Business Trip 3347 Andy Michael Gary Scott rolling like a pimp!
20321 5 8 Business Trip 3347 Michael Take a sip of that.
20322 5 8 Business Trip 3347 Andy Mmmhmmm...
20323 5 8 Business Trip 3347 Michael That good?
20324 5 8 Business Trip 3347 Andy Mmmm...
20325 5 8 Business Trip 3347 Michael Don't drink all of it. Give some to Oscar.
20326 5 8 Business Trip 3347 Andy That's really good.
20327 5 8 Business Trip 3347 Oscar I'm good.
20328 5 8 Business Trip 3347 Michael You want one of your own? I can hook you up.
20329 5 8 Business Trip 3347 Stewardess I'm sorry. You'll need to keep moving.
20330 5 8 Business Trip 3347 Michael Yes, this is Beth. This is my personal valet/flight attendant and she will be helping me this morning.
20331 5 8 Business Trip 3347 Beth We need to keep the isle clear.
20332 5 8 Business Trip 3347 Michael Yes...
20333 5 8 Business Trip 3347 Andy Oh...
20334 5 8 Business Trip 3347 Michael Get back, get back. Come on, get back to the slums.
20335 5 8 Business Trip 3347 Andy Oh boy.
20336 5 8 Business Trip 3347 Michael Hey... guys, check it out. My own personal DVD player and 20 movies.
20337 5 8 Business Trip 3347 Oscar Andy brought one too.
20338 5 8 Business Trip 3347 Andy Harry and the Henderson's
20339 5 8 Business Trip 3347 Michael Shhhh! Keep it down.
20340 5 8 Business Trip 3347 Oscar I made egg salad sandwiches. Do you want one?
20341 5 8 Business Trip 3347 Michael Could you have picked something stinkier to bring on a plane? My God, Oscar. Really? Do you have a bag of baby poop in there too, to share with everybody? No, I will be ordering my own food, thank you very much.
20342 5 8 Business Trip 3347 Michael Hi.
20343 5 8 Business Trip 3347 Beth Hi.
20344 5 8 Business Trip 3347 Michael Um. I'd like to see a menu please.
20345 5 8 Business Trip 3347 Beth Oh, I'm sorry. There are no meals on flights less than two hours.
20346 5 8 Business Trip 3347 Michael Oh... okay. Doesn't matter, because I am going to take a nap. I think I am going to use my complimentary blindfold. I will don it... and oh! Look at that. I can't see because I am in a-- GAH!
20347 5 8 Business Trip 3347 Beth What would you like to drink?
20348 5 8 Business Trip 3348 Ryan Just checking out where I'm going to be pretty soon. When Pam gets back. Gonna be close quarters. Gonna be a lot of tension.
20349 5 8 Business Trip 3348 Kelly For you. I'm with Darryl.
20350 5 8 Business Trip 3348 Ryan This looks like where I'll probably do my pushups every day.
20351 5 8 Business Trip 3348 Kelly Is that supposed to impress me?
20352 5 8 Business Trip 3349 Kelly No. Not going to happen. He has hurt me too much and too often. And I am in a healthy relationship so I'm not gonna flaunt it and I'm not gonna hurt him, but that door is closed.
20353 5 8 Business Trip 3350 Kelly What are we doing? This is so wrong.
20354 5 8 Business Trip 3350 Ryan Yeah... Mmmmm...
20355 5 8 Business Trip 3351 Michael This is nice. This is nice. Move in here. Very sweet... ah.
20356 5 8 Business Trip 3351 Oscar I'll check us in.
20357 5 8 Business Trip 3351 Michael Alright.
20358 5 8 Business Trip 3351 Andy Very cool.
20359 5 8 Business Trip 3351 Michael Very cool.
20360 5 8 Business Trip 3351 Andy We are going to find out where the action is, my friend.
20361 5 8 Business Trip 3351 Michael Okay.
20362 5 8 Business Trip 3351 Andy Where's the concierge?
20363 5 8 Business Trip 3351 Michael Yes! Wallace said there would be one of those.
20364 5 8 Business Trip 3351 Andy Mmm... bingo! Follow moi, bro-sieur.
20365 5 8 Business Trip 3351 Michael Wow!
20366 5 8 Business Trip 3351 Andy What about a nice sushi place? Maybe a place with a view?
20367 5 8 Business Trip 3351 Concierge Tsk... Oh. Matsuki. That's a good one. Uh, you may walk there if you wish or you man take the number seventeen bus until 9:00. Other than that you can take the taxi and the number is right there.
20368 5 8 Business Trip 3351 Michael Wow! Wow, I am blown away by this. I, um... I--ah! This is great, thank you!
20369 5 8 Business Trip 3351 Andy One final question. Where might you find yourself on a Winnipeg night like tonight?
20370 5 8 Business Trip 3351 Concierge Oh, the Huntsman is good.
20371 5 8 Business Trip 3351 Andy The Huntsman.
20372 5 8 Business Trip 3351 Concierge Down here... the financial district.
20373 5 8 Business Trip 3352 Michael A concierge is like the Winnipeg equivalent of a geisha. This is a woman who has been trained in the fine art of fanciness and pleasure. And when you meet one, it is intoxicating. Just what the doctor ordered.
20374 5 8 Business Trip 3353 Pam Can't believe this.
20375 5 8 Business Trip 3353 Jim Are you sure?
20376 5 8 Business Trip 3353 Pam I just talked to my advisor. Failing.
20377 5 8 Business Trip 3353 Jim Wow. I thought you were good at Flash.
20378 5 8 Business Trip 3353 Pam I was, and then they switched to Acrobat just as I was learning Quark. I hate computers.
20379 5 8 Business Trip 3353 Jim Okay, okay, it's no big deal. So you're not a computer geek.
20380 5 8 Business Trip 3353 Pam I have to stay and retake it.
20381 5 8 Business Trip 3353 Jim W---Wow. Um. Well... okay.
20382 5 8 Business Trip 3353 Pam That means another twelve weeks. Can you do this for another three months?
20383 5 8 Business Trip 3353 Jim It's not--- It's not about me. I mean, this your dream.
20384 5 8 Business Trip 3353 Pam I know.
20385 5 8 Business Trip 3353 Jim And you went to New York to do this. So when you come back you come back the right way. Right?
20386 5 8 Business Trip 3353 Pam Right.
20387 5 8 Business Trip 3353 Jim You okay?
20388 5 8 Business Trip 3353 Pam Yeah I'm fine. Um... my cell phone battery's low, so I have to let you go.
20389 5 8 Business Trip 3353 Jim Okay.
20390 5 8 Business Trip 3353 Pam Alright.
20391 5 8 Business Trip 3353 Jim Alright.
20392 5 8 Business Trip 3353 Pam Love you. Bye.
20393 5 8 Business Trip 3353 Jim Love you too.
20394 5 8 Business Trip 3354 Michael Guys, she's in there.
20395 5 8 Business Trip 3354 Andy Engaging wings
20396 5 8 Business Trip 3354 Oscar I'm probably going to leave after one drink.
20397 5 8 Business Trip 3354 Michael Let's do this.
20398 5 8 Business Trip 3354 Andy Yeah with a hot slab of Canadian bacon in your hand.
20399 5 8 Business Trip 3354 Michael Excuse me, hello. Concierge Marie. Michael Scott. Good to see you again.
20400 5 8 Business Trip 3354 Marie Good to see you.
20401 5 8 Business Trip 3354 Michael Um, this is my associate uh, from Dunder Mifflin, uh, Oscar Martinez.
20402 5 8 Business Trip 3354 Oscar Nice to meet you.
20403 5 8 Business Trip 3354 Marie Oscar.
20404 5 8 Business Trip 3354 Michael Works in accounting. This is uh, concierge Marie...
20405 5 8 Business Trip 3354 Oscar Yes.
20406 5 8 Business Trip 3354 Michael ...who works at our hotel. You look, how do you say, radiant tonight.
20407 5 8 Business Trip 3354 Marie Thank you.
20408 5 8 Business Trip 3354 Michael And it is, how do you say, a beautiful night---
20409 5 8 Business Trip 3354 Oscar Michael, why?
20410 5 8 Business Trip 3354 Michael She's foreign. I am--
20411 5 8 Business Trip 3354 Andy For Madame et monsieur.
20412 5 8 Business Trip 3354 Michael Oh, thank you.
20413 5 8 Business Trip 3354 Andy You're welcome.
20414 5 8 Business Trip 3354 Michael Thank you, Andy.
20415 5 8 Business Trip 3354 Marie Thank you?
20416 5 8 Business Trip 3354 Andy Let me get a picture of you guys.
20417 5 8 Business Trip 3355 Michael Everyone is going to end up dying someday. And I think it's better to die with people you like... like Oscar, and Andy, and concierge Marie... than to know that there's somebody out there that you love that you're not with.
20418 5 8 Business Trip 3356 Andy Alright, I've scoped out the joint. Those two dudes are as good as naked.
20419 5 8 Business Trip 3356 Oscar How do you even know they're gay?
20420 5 8 Business Trip 3356 Andy Come on! It's Dandy Dale and Foppy McGee over there. Mademoiselle! Beer me dos Long Island iced teas s'ill vous plait. Bad decision in a glass.
20421 5 8 Business Trip 3357 Andy I don't care if you're gay, straight, engaged... whatever. A guy needs intercourse.
20422 5 8 Business Trip 3358 Andy You'll thank me when they spank thee.
20423 5 8 Business Trip 3358 Oscar Don't do this.
20424 5 8 Business Trip 3358 Andy Do you guys like apples?
20425 5 8 Business Trip 3358 Guy at table What?
20426 5 8 Business Trip 3358 Andy Do you like apples?
20427 5 8 Business Trip 3358 Guy at table Uh, sorry... what?
20428 5 8 Business Trip 3358 Andy Well, how do you like these apples? Alright, on a scale of 1 - 10, how hot is that dude?
20429 5 8 Business Trip 3358 Guy at table Is he your boyfriend or something?
20430 5 8 Business Trip 3358 Andy No, but he could be yours if you play your cards right.
20431 5 8 Business Trip 3358 Guy Dude, leave us alone alright?
20432 5 8 Business Trip 3358 Andy Gentleman.
20433 5 8 Business Trip 3358 Oscar What are you doing?
20434 5 8 Business Trip 3358 Andy Dude, you struck out. They're totally stuck up. Here... drink up.
20435 5 8 Business Trip 3359 Michael How about this one? It's Christmas eve---
20436 5 8 Business Trip 3359 Concierge Marie Mmm-hmmm...
20437 5 8 Business Trip 3359 Michael ---and everything's closed and you need to get some dry cleaning done. 12:00 midnight. Where do you go? What do you do? What do you do? Come on! What do you do?
20438 5 8 Business Trip 3359 Marie Uh...A stro cleaners on St. Johns place is the only place open on that day.
20439 5 8 Business Trip 3359 Michael Unbelievable! Unbelievable.
20440 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Oscar If you don't mind me asking---
20441 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Andy Anything. You can ask me anything.
20442 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Oscar Okay.
20443 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Andy I'm your wingman.
20444 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Oscar Its just that I've sat next to Angela for a very long, very long time.
20445 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Andy Right-o.
20446 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Oscar How could anyone stand that woman?
20447 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Andy What?
20448 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Oscar What do you see in her? Wh -- what do you see in Angela?
20449 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Andy What do I see in Angela?
20450 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Oscar I want to know.
20451 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Andy I see through a hard exterior to a little jelly in the middle. She is teaching me to be a better person. And she's working really hard on that. And she has the softest skin I've ever seen and I can't wait to have s*x with her.
20452 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Oscar You haven't had s*x?
20453 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Andy No.
20454 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Oscar Y--Are you guys waiting to get married, or?
20455 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Andy Honestly, I don't know what we're waiting for.
20456 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Oscar Andy, something is wrong with that woman.
20457 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Andy What is wrong with her?
20458 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Oscar I'd like to know. You should call her and ask her. I'd like to know what's wrong with her.
20459 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Andy I should call her and ask her. What is wrong with her?
20460 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Oscar Do it! It's a--- Call her! Oh my God, don't call her! Don't call her, Andy. Andy, don't call her!
20461 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Andy Too late, too late. It's dialing... now it's ringing. Shh...
20462 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Angela Hello? Hello?
20463 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Andy What is wrong with you?
20464 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Oscar Why won't you do Andy?
20465 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Angela What?
20466 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Andy That was Oscar and he wants to know why you won't do me and I think it's a valid question.
20467 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Angela Are you drunk?
20468 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Andy This is Andy Bernard!
20469 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Angela I know who this is!
20470 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Andy I wanna take you to s*x school.
20471 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Angela What?
20472 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Dwight Who is that monkey?
20473 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Andy Is somebody there?
20474 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Angela Are you drunk?
20475 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Andy I have needs.
20476 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Angela We will discuss this later.
20477 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Andy Naked.
20478 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Angela What?
20479 5 8 Business Trip 3360 Andy We'll discuss it later naked. I want to see you naked.
20480 5 8 Business Trip 3361 Michael Do you want to get some breakfast or something?
20481 5 8 Business Trip 3361 Concierge Marie I am so tired.
20482 5 8 Business Trip 3361 Michael Okay.
20483 5 8 Business Trip 3362 Jim How does everyone know already?
20484 5 8 Business Trip 3362 Dwight Know what?
20485 5 8 Business Trip 3362 Meredith Pam failed art school.
20486 5 8 Business Trip 3362 Dwight Oh, well, doesn't surprise me.
20487 5 8 Business Trip 3362 Jim Excuse me?
20488 5 8 Business Trip 3362 Dwight Have you seen her painting, Jim? The building? There are shadows coming from two different directions.
20489 5 8 Business Trip 3362 Phyllis Dwight, stop it.
20490 5 8 Business Trip 3362 Stanley Dwight.
20491 5 8 Business Trip 3362 Dwight What? Are there two suns?
20492 5 8 Business Trip 3362 Meredith Come on.
20493 5 8 Business Trip 3362 Stanley Oh my God.
20494 5 8 Business Trip 3362 Dwight Last I checked, that's not an office building in the Andromeda galaxy.
20495 5 8 Business Trip 3362 Jim I'm gonna grab a cup of coffee.
20496 5 8 Business Trip 3362 Dwight It's totally unrealistic. There are no lines in the parking lot.
20497 5 8 Business Trip 3363 Andy Oscar
20498 5 8 Business Trip 3363 Oscar Hey.
20499 5 8 Business Trip 3363 Andy That was fun last night.
20500 5 8 Business Trip 3363 Oscar Yeah, it was.
20501 5 8 Business Trip 3363 Andy You know, it's true what they say--- Long Island iced teas are way stronger in Canada.
20502 5 8 Business Trip 3363 Oscar Hey, um... thanks for trying to hook me up.
20503 5 8 Business Trip 3363 Andy You kidding me? It's what I do. Get the whole nine 'nards.
20504 5 8 Business Trip 3363 Oscar I can't believe we called her up.
20505 5 8 Business Trip 3363 Andy Totally. What--- Who?
20506 5 8 Business Trip 3363 Oscar I'm talking about Angela. I can't believe we called her up last night.
20507 5 8 Business Trip 3363 Andy We called Angela?
20508 5 8 Business Trip 3363 Oscar You--- you call--- you called her.
20509 5 8 Business Trip 3363 Andy That was real?! I thought I dreamed that. Oh, God!
20510 5 8 Business Trip 3363 Oscar Alright.
20511 5 8 Business Trip 3363 Andy Oh, God!
20512 5 8 Business Trip 3363 Oscar Okay.
20513 5 8 Business Trip 3363 Andy So bad!
20514 5 8 Business Trip 3363 Oscar Good morning, Michael. Are you ready for the meeting?
20515 5 8 Business Trip 3363 Michael Slept like a baby.
20516 5 8 Business Trip 3364 Kelly Mmmm.... mmm. This can't happen again.
20517 5 8 Business Trip 3364 Ryan This has to happen again. Darryl can't happen again. Look at me. Do you want me to do more push-ups?
20518 5 8 Business Trip 3364 Kelly Yeah.
20519 5 8 Business Trip 3364 Ryan Okay. You have to break up with Darryl. I already typed out a text message for you. All you have to do is press "send".
20520 5 8 Business Trip 3364 Kelly I don't know. I mean, it's well-written and all, I just---
20521 5 8 Business Trip 3364 Ryan Has to be done. We'll press send together.
20522 5 8 Business Trip 3364 Kelly Oh my God. He's going to kill us.
20523 5 8 Business Trip 3364 Ryan I'd like to see him try.
20524 5 8 Business Trip 3364 Kelly Oh! He says it's cool. He said, "It's cool".
20525 5 8 Business Trip 3364 Ryan That's all he wrote?
20526 5 8 Business Trip 3364 Kelly That's all he wrote.
20527 5 8 Business Trip 3364 Ryan Can I see it?
20528 5 8 Business Trip 3364 Kelly Mmm hmm.
20529 5 8 Business Trip 3364 Ryan Didn't you two date for like a long time?
20530 5 8 Business Trip 3364 Kelly Mmm hmm. It's like a fairy tale! Mmmm...
20531 5 8 Business Trip 3365 Client I'll be honest with you--- we've been talking with Catalyst Paper. Their prices are better than yours.
20532 5 8 Business Trip 3365 Michael Look, people continue to come back to us time and time again because they feel cared for here. They feel respected and they feel that their needs matter. They are treated like human beings.
20533 5 8 Business Trip 3365 Client Everything okay?
20534 5 8 Business Trip 3365 Michael Yes.
20535 5 8 Business Trip 3366 Andy Oh man, she is so pissed.
20536 5 8 Business Trip 3366 Oscar Mmm...
20537 5 8 Business Trip 3366 Andy She's taking us back to first base.
20538 5 8 Business Trip 3366 Oscar What is first base with Angela?
20539 5 8 Business Trip 3366 Andy I get to kiss her forehead. I had a good time hanging out this weekend.
20540 5 8 Business Trip 3366 Oscar I had a good time too.
20541 5 8 Business Trip 3366 Andy Wingman for life. W.M.F.L
20542 5 8 Business Trip 3366 Oscar Thank you.
20543 5 8 Business Trip 3366 Andy You up for a chest bump?
20544 5 8 Business Trip 3366 Oscar No.
20545 5 8 Business Trip 3366 Andy Bro hug? Back to basics. I like it.
20546 5 8 Business Trip 3367 Andy I had to go all the way to Canada to get to know a guy who sits 20 feet away from me. And he's delightful!
20547 5 8 Business Trip 3368 David Wallace Hey! I just heard you guys made the sale.
20548 5 8 Business Trip 3368 Michael Yeah, we locked him up for two years.
20549 5 8 Business Trip 3368 David Wallace Good, very good. See, told you. Sounds like somebody had a good trip.
20550 5 8 Business Trip 3368 Michael No. Actually the trip sucked.
20551 5 8 Business Trip 3368 David Wallace Excuse me?
20552 5 8 Business Trip 3368 Michael The trip sucked, David. It blew chunks. It was terrible. It was a bad trip.
20553 5 8 Business Trip 3368 David Wallace What are you talking about?
20554 5 8 Business Trip 3368 Michael I did not like the trip. Well, starting with her airport shuttle which was basically just a van.
20555 5 8 Business Trip 3368 David Wallace Okay.
20556 5 8 Business Trip 3368 Michael And business class which was basically just coach. And the hotel which sucked big time.
20557 5 8 Business Trip 3368 David Wallace The hotel? What, M--- okay.
20558 5 8 Business Trip 3368 Michael It was not, it sucked.
20559 5 8 Business Trip 3368 David Wallace I'm sorry to hear the hotel was bad.
20560 5 8 Business Trip 3368 Michael Oh and thanks for the tip on the concerige. That was great. That was great. That was--- that was a---
20561 5 8 Business Trip 3368 David Wallace Okay, okay. Hey, hey, hey.
20562 5 8 Business Trip 3368 Michael That was a really good choice.
20563 5 8 Business Trip 3368 David Wallace Michael, please lets listen for a second.
20564 5 8 Business Trip 3368 Michael No, David. You listen to me. Why did you send her away? That--- God. You knew I liked her and you just sent her away. And that--- that was a sucky thing to do man.
20565 5 8 Business Trip 3368 David Wallace Michael, sometimes---
20566 5 8 Business Trip 3368 Michael That was a really sucky thing to do.
20567 5 8 Business Trip 3368 David Wallace Sometimes, we--
20568 5 8 Business Trip 3369 Michael Why have I stayed at Dunder Mifflin for so long? Certainly not because of the paycheck. 'Cause I could be making more money as a doctor or a professional athlete. I think it's because they respect me. A boss that will not fire you, even though you just tell him off... right to his face... over the hone. That's respect.
20569 5 8 Business Trip 3370 Kevin You did it, man. Day one. Congrats.
20570 5 8 Business Trip 3370 Jim Thanks man.
20571 5 8 Business Trip 3371 Pam I'm coming back the wrong way. It's not because of you. I don't like graphic design. That's it. Stop smiling. I really didn't like it. It's just designing logos and stuff.... and I miss Scranton. But it is not because I missed you. I just really wanted to come home... and I know you said to come home the right way, but you can't tell me what to do. Got it?
20572 5 8 Business Trip 3371 Jim I missed you.
20573 5 8 Business Trip 3371 Pam I missed you too.
20574 5 8 Business Trip 3371 Dwight You're back.
20575 5 8 Business Trip 3371 Pam Uh, yeah.
20576 5 8 Business Trip 3371 Dwight Good. I need you to make five copies of these.
20577 5 8 Business Trip 3371 Pam I'm not going inside.
20578 5 8 Business Trip 3371 Dwight Alright. First thing in the morning then.
20579 5 8 Business Trip 3371 Jim Welcome back.
20580 5 8 Business Trip 3372 Kelly We're back together again baby.
20581 5 8 Business Trip 3372 Ryan We're back.
20582 5 8 Business Trip 3372 Kelly They tried to keep us apart, but they couldnt. It was like destiny.
20583 5 8 Business Trip 3372 Ryan I--- I realized that for whatever reason I... just couldn't do better than kelly.
20584 5 8 Business Trip 3372 Kelly Oh!
20585 5 8 Business Trip 3372 Ryan Yeah.
20586 5 9 Frame Toby 3373 Angela Are you swallowing them whole? You're eating them so fast, are they even touching your tongue?
20587 5 9 Frame Toby 3373 Kevin Yes.
20588 5 9 Frame Toby 3373 Dwight Brownies is it? Hm. Pastry cubes made of sugar and fat? No thank you, I'll stick with my jerkie.
20589 5 9 Frame Toby 3373 Jim So why did you come in here?
20590 5 9 Frame Toby 3373 Dwight To socialize. And inform.
20591 5 9 Frame Toby 3373 Michael Oh brownies! I'm taking two so I can parcel them up and eat them at my leisure later on, much healthier.
20592 5 9 Frame Toby 3373 Ryan You're taking two?
20593 5 9 Frame Toby 3373 Kelly Yeah, um, but one of them is for Toby.
20594 5 9 Frame Toby 3373 Michael Yeah why don't you send that to him in Costa Rica?
20595 5 9 Frame Toby 3373 Kelly Um, I'm just gonna hand it to him right now.
20596 5 9 Frame Toby 3373 Michael Heh, okay, weirdo.
20597 5 9 Frame Toby 3373 Jim Why is that, why is that weird?
20598 5 9 Frame Toby 3373 Michael She said she was going to give it to him right now.
20599 5 9 Frame Toby 3373 Jim She's probably going to, cause they sit next to each other.
20600 5 9 Frame Toby 3373 Michael Yeah, they used to.
20601 5 9 Frame Toby 3373 Jim Toby works here again.
20602 5 9 Frame Toby 3373 Michael Oh, can you imagine?
20603 5 9 Frame Toby 3373 Jim Oh no.
20604 5 9 Frame Toby 3373 Michael Uhhgh.
20605 5 9 Frame Toby 3373 Jim You don't know.
20606 5 9 Frame Toby 3373 Michael I don't know. What?
20607 5 9 Frame Toby 3373 Jim You should probably just meander back there; take a look. See if he's, see if he's back.
20608 5 9 Frame Toby 3373 Michael Hmmm, dare I? You know what? I'm going to, for old time's sake. Great practical joke Jim, you got me to go to the annex.
20609 5 9 Frame Toby 3373 Toby Hi, Micha-
20610 5 9 Frame Toby 3373 Michael NOOOO! GOD! No, God, please no! No! No! NOOO!
20611 5 9 Frame Toby 3374 Michael Look at him. With his stupid face. Stupid... tan. No.
20612 5 9 Frame Toby 3374 Dwight He looks great.
20613 5 9 Frame Toby 3374 Michael No.
20614 5 9 Frame Toby 3374 Dwight Well rested.
20615 5 9 Frame Toby 3374 Michael He looks worse.
20616 5 9 Frame Toby 3375 David Michael, is everyone okay?
20617 5 9 Frame Toby 3375 Michael Uh, well I'm afraid not. Toby Flenderson, of H.R., has made a sudden reappearance.
20618 5 9 Frame Toby 3375 David I don't understand, is anyone hurt?
20619 5 9 Frame Toby 3375 Michael Not on the surface, no, but I can tell people are disturbed, David.
20620 5 9 Frame Toby 3375 David Michael, you texted me, 911 CALL ME.
20621 5 9 Frame Toby 3375 Michael Yes.
20622 5 9 Frame Toby 3375 David All in caps. Do you know what 911 means?
20623 5 9 Frame Toby 3376 Michael I learned a while back that if I don't text 911 people will not return my calls. Um, but now people always return my calls because they think that something horrible has happened.
20624 5 9 Frame Toby 3377 David Now what I'm curious about is how you were able to go an entire a week without knowing a member of your staff was there.
20625 5 9 Frame Toby 3377 Michael I did not want to go back to the annex because that is where Holly worked whom I loved.
20626 5 9 Frame Toby 3377 Dwight Also, it's icky back there.
20627 5 9 Frame Toby 3377 Michael That's true. People say it's icky.
20628 5 9 Frame Toby 3377 David Okay, I have to go.
20629 5 9 Frame Toby 3377 Michael David, wait.
20630 5 9 Frame Toby 3377 David No.
20631 5 9 Frame Toby 3377 Michael Is there no way we can get rid of him?
20632 5 9 Frame Toby 3377 David Not without cause, Michael.
20633 5 9 Frame Toby 3377 Michael I have cause. It is be-cause I hate him.
20634 5 9 Frame Toby 3377 David You have to get along with Toby.
20635 5 9 Frame Toby 3377 Michael No.
20636 5 9 Frame Toby 3377 David Yep.
20637 5 9 Frame Toby 3377 Michael I don't.
20638 5 9 Frame Toby 3377 David Goodbye, Michael.
20639 5 9 Frame Toby 3377 Michael Don't do that.
20640 5 9 Frame Toby 3378 Pam Oh, come on! Do you see this? Disgusting.
20641 5 9 Frame Toby 3379 Andy So, Tunes, you still gonna buy your old man's place?
20642 5 9 Frame Toby 3379 Jim Yeah, I am. Wait, how do you know that? I didn't tell you that.
20643 5 9 Frame Toby 3379 Andy Ehhh no, I was just walking by your desk. I saw some email. I got peepers of an eagle.
20644 5 9 Frame Toby 3379 Jim That's really not cool.
20645 5 9 Frame Toby 3379 Andy Kaaw!
20646 5 9 Frame Toby 3379 Kevin So Jim, you're gonna live in the same house that you used to pee the bed in?
20647 5 9 Frame Toby 3379 Jim Yeah, I guess technically Kev, you're right.
20648 5 9 Frame Toby 3380 Jim Today's a big day. Today's the day that I show Pam the house that I bought for us. Without telling her. But it's my parent's house, the house I grew up in and yeah, I bought it kind of impulsively. I mean, the price was good and I was helping out my mom. It's got shag carpets. I mean you can't blame my parents it was the 70's. And why would you want to buy ugly wood from trees when you can have paneling? And a painting of some creepy clowns that is apparently crucial to the structural integrity of the building. She's gonna love it. Right?
20649 5 9 Frame Toby 3381 Jim Could you guys all do me a favor and not talk about this until I tell Pam?
20650 5 9 Frame Toby 3381 Andy Whoa, you haven't told the misses about the castle? You're in for a spanking my friend. Myself and my lady? - no secrets.
20651 5 9 Frame Toby 3381 Phyllis Jim, don't listen to Andy. I think it's so romantic.
20652 5 9 Frame Toby 3381 Jim Oh thanks, Phyllis.
20653 5 9 Frame Toby 3381 Phyllis Where's your place?
20654 5 9 Frame Toby 3381 Jim Oh, it's on uh Linden Ave? By the quarry?
20655 5 9 Frame Toby 3381 Phyllis Ohhh...
20656 5 9 Frame Toby 3381 Creed Cool beans, man, I live by the quarry. We should hang out by the quarry and throw things down there.
20657 5 9 Frame Toby 3381 Jim Definitely we should.
20658 5 9 Frame Toby 3382 Oscar "To whoever made the microwave mess: the microwave is a shared kitchen appliance. By not cleaning it up you are basically telling whoever follows that their time is less valuable, as they will have to scrub out your disgusting splatter. Sincerely, disappointed."
20659 5 9 Frame Toby 3382 Andy That is just obnoxious.
20660 5 9 Frame Toby 3382 Oscar No kidding.
20661 5 9 Frame Toby 3382 Pam Yeah. Wait, what, the mess or the note?
20662 5 9 Frame Toby 3382 Oscar The note. So "holier than thou".
20663 5 9 Frame Toby 3382 Angela Hmm, I liked it.
20664 5 9 Frame Toby 3382 Pam Don't you think the person who left the mess is the obnoxious one?
20665 5 9 Frame Toby 3382 Andy No, the note is way more obnoxious than the mess.
20666 5 9 Frame Toby 3382 Meredith Sincerely, disappointed? Get off your high horse, Richie.
20667 5 9 Frame Toby 3382 Pam Just because someone likes things clean, doesn't mean they're rich.
20668 5 9 Frame Toby 3382 Meredith Yeh, they're rich.
20669 5 9 Frame Toby 3383 Michael You want to see some really high caliber acting? Well, Mr. Kurt Russell, you are about to be served. Hey Toby, great to have you back, man. Seriously, just a, just a real pleasure to see you again.
20670 5 9 Frame Toby 3383 Toby Well thanks Michael.
20671 5 9 Frame Toby 3383 Michael You're welcome. Missed you. Missed you as part of our family.
20672 5 9 Frame Toby 3383 Toby Well that's sweet, I missed you guys too.
20673 5 9 Frame Toby 3383 Michael So Costa Rica that was - did you have fun? That must have been fun.
20674 5 9 Frame Toby 3383 Toby Well, um, it was amazing. It really was, thanks for asking. Um the beaches were pristine...
20675 5 9 Frame Toby 3383 Michael Nice beaches, pristine beaches?
20676 5 9 Frame Toby 3383 Toby ...and, yeah, the whole thing was incredibly cathartic.
20677 5 9 Frame Toby 3383 Michael Why'd you come back? Why didn't you stay?
20678 5 9 Frame Toby 3383 Toby It was actually kind of hard to meet people I found.
20679 5 9 Frame Toby 3383 Michael I bet, for you.
20680 5 9 Frame Toby 3383 Toby And uh, yeah, plus it was hot.
20681 5 9 Frame Toby 3383 Michael Shhh hot, why didn't you get an air-condition--- should have gotten an air-conditioner for yourself.
20682 5 9 Frame Toby 3383 Toby Are you all right, Michael?
20683 5 9 Frame Toby 3383 Michael Yeah, I am. I am.
20684 5 9 Frame Toby 3384 Michael I tried, I tried. I tried to talk to Toby and be his friend but that is like trying to be friends with an evil... snail. I feel like I'm dying inside. I feel like Neve Campbell in Sream II. She thinks she can go off to college and be happy and then, the murderer comes back and starts killing off all of her friends. I learned a lot of lessons from that movie, this is just one of them.
20685 5 9 Frame Toby 3385 Michael Okay, just summarize.
20686 5 9 Frame Toby 3385 Dwight Okay, fireable offenses include: workplace violence and sexual harassment.
20687 5 9 Frame Toby 3385 Michael That's it, that's it, perfect. We will get him to hit on somebody, and then we will catch him in the act.
20688 5 9 Frame Toby 3385 Dwight I love catching people in the act. That's why I always whip open doors.
20689 5 9 Frame Toby 3385 Michael Mm. Me too. Okay, let's get this started.
20690 5 9 Frame Toby 3385 Dwight Okay
20691 5 9 Frame Toby 3385 Michael What are you doing?
20692 5 9 Frame Toby 3385 Dwight I am the bait.
20693 5 9 Frame Toby 3385 Michael For what?
20694 5 9 Frame Toby 3385 Dwight Men find me desirable.
20695 5 9 Frame Toby 3385 Michael No, no, no.
20696 5 9 Frame Toby 3385 Dwight Oh, it's a good day too. I'm wearing my mustard shirt.
20697 5 9 Frame Toby 3385 Michael You're the bait for Toby?
20698 5 9 Frame Toby 3385 Dwight Mmhmm.
20699 5 9 Frame Toby 3385 Michael No, for one thing, he's not gay. And if somebody were to be bait it would be Jim. Or Ryan. Or me.
20700 5 9 Frame Toby 3385 Dwight Men find me desirable.
20701 5 9 Frame Toby 3385 Michael Yes, sure they do, Dwight.
20702 5 9 Frame Toby 3386 Pam When it comes down to it, it's a health issue. I should have written that.
20703 5 9 Frame Toby 3386 Jim Mmhmm, yeah.
20704 5 9 Frame Toby 3386 Pam Why aren't you as mad or interested in this as me?
20705 5 9 Frame Toby 3386 Jim Oh totally. Sorry, are we talking about the microwave still?
20706 5 9 Frame Toby 3386 Pam Are you inching away from me?
20707 5 9 Frame Toby 3386 Jim No.
20708 5 9 Frame Toby 3386 Pam Reach your arms out.
20709 5 9 Frame Toby 3386 Jim I'm always this close.
20710 5 9 Frame Toby 3386 Michael Pamtown lady sing this song, doo-dah doo-dah. Hello, Pam. Jim may I have a moment with Pam please.
20711 5 9 Frame Toby 3386 Jim Yes, I just have to take this call anyway so...
20712 5 9 Frame Toby 3386 Michael Oh, oooh his mistress. No. I'm kidding. No one would ever cheat on you; you are the complete package, Pam.
20713 5 9 Frame Toby 3386 Pam What do you need, Michael?
20714 5 9 Frame Toby 3386 Michael Okay, what I would like you to do is take this folded note, and deliver it to Toby Flenderson? I just want you to just react to whatever this note elicits. Do not read it beforehand. Can you do that for me?
20715 5 9 Frame Toby 3386 Michael Good. N-no no no, don't.
20716 5 9 Frame Toby 3386 Pam "Please hug and kiss me, no matter how hard I struggle. I'm too shy to tell you that I love you."
20717 5 9 Frame Toby 3386 Michael Pam. Pam, you gave me your word.
20718 5 9 Frame Toby 3387 Ryan You did that for me?
20719 5 9 Frame Toby 3387 Kelly Mmhmm.
20720 5 9 Frame Toby 3387 Ryan Are you happy you did?
20721 5 9 Frame Toby 3387 Toby Hey guys that's really inappropriate.
20722 5 9 Frame Toby 3387 Ryan What's up?
20723 5 9 Frame Toby 3387 Michael Um, I got some photos from Costa Rica if you want to see them?
20724 5 9 Frame Toby 3387 Ryan Yeah, yeah I'll see them.
20725 5 9 Frame Toby 3387 Michael Toby can I see those? Ooh. What's the matter? What's the matter? You scared?
20726 5 9 Frame Toby 3387 Dwight Those are fighting words.
20727 5 9 Frame Toby 3387 Michael You mad? You mad at me?
20728 5 9 Frame Toby 3387 Dwight I hope he doesn't haul off and just hit you.
20729 5 9 Frame Toby 3387 Michael Do you want to do that? You want to hit me, you want to punch me?
20730 5 9 Frame Toby 3387 Dwight Hmmm?
20731 5 9 Frame Toby 3387 Michael Huh? He might do it...
20732 5 9 Frame Toby 3387 Kelly Punch him, Toby!
20733 5 9 Frame Toby 3387 Michael I dare you to. Come on.
20734 5 9 Frame Toby 3387 Dwight Come on. Baaah!
20735 5 9 Frame Toby 3387 Michael What's the matter... haaaww!
20736 5 9 Frame Toby 3387 Dwight Hit him! Hit him, Chicken.
20737 5 9 Frame Toby 3387 Ryan Yeah, punch him.
20738 5 9 Frame Toby 3387 Michael Hey hey! Come on, Ryan, who's side are you on?
20739 5 9 Frame Toby 3387 Dwight Ryan. Come on, man?
20740 5 9 Frame Toby 3387 Michael No do it, do it. I dare you.
20741 5 9 Frame Toby 3387 Dwight Punch him as hard as you possibly can in the face.
20742 5 9 Frame Toby 3387 Michael Not, not as hard as you can, just a good, solid punch. Come on! Come oooon...
20743 5 9 Frame Toby 3387 Toby I'm not going to punch you, Michael.
20744 5 9 Frame Toby 3387 Dwight Are you really not going to punch him?
20745 5 9 Frame Toby 3387 Toby No, why would I punch you?
20746 5 9 Frame Toby 3387 Michael Son of a bitch.
20747 5 9 Frame Toby 3387 Ryan You should have hit him man, guy was asking for it. Once in a lifetime, man.
20748 5 9 Frame Toby 3388 Dwight I thought you were going to parcel those out through the day
20749 5 9 Frame Toby 3388 Michael Just stop it. You haven't done anything helpful all day.
20750 5 9 Frame Toby 3388 Dwight There's still one thing we could do to get Toby fired.
20751 5 9 Frame Toby 3388 Michael What's that?
20752 5 9 Frame Toby 3388 Dwight Frame him, for using drugs.
20753 5 9 Frame Toby 3388 Michael Frame him?
20754 5 9 Frame Toby 3388 Dwight Yeah, it's illegal, but... everything they do on The Shield is illegal.
20755 5 9 Frame Toby 3388 Michael I've never framed a man before, have you?
20756 5 9 Frame Toby 3388 Dwight Oh I've framed animals before. I framed a raccoon for opening a Christmas present. And I framed a bear for eating out of the garbage.
20757 5 9 Frame Toby 3388 Michael Just seems awfully mean. But sometimes the ends justify the mean.
20758 5 9 Frame Toby 3389 Michael Hello. I've seen you guys around. I'm Michael Scott, Dunder Mifflin. How you doing? Uhghh, so I guess you know why I'm here? I need to purchase something.
20759 5 9 Frame Toby 3389 Vance Refrigeration Guy A fridge?
20760 5 9 Frame Toby 3389 Michael No. Uh, I wanted--- I wanted to buy some weed? Some...
20761 5 9 Frame Toby 3389 Vance Refrigeration Guy What?
20762 5 9 Frame Toby 3389 Michael Grass, weed?
20763 5 9 Frame Toby 3389 Leo What makes you think we'd have weed?
20764 5 9 Frame Toby 3389 Michael I heard you drug--- I heard you dealt.
20765 5 9 Frame Toby 3389 Vance Refrigeration Guy Hey, just hold on one second.
20766 5 9 Frame Toby 3389 Michael I'm not wearing a wire, so...
20767 5 9 Frame Toby 3389 Leo Why would you even say that?
20768 5 9 Frame Toby 3389 Vance Refrigeration Guy Hey, that's gonna be 500 dollars.
20769 5 9 Frame Toby 3389 Michael How much? How many pounds is it?
20770 5 9 Frame Toby 3389 Vance Refrigeration Guy It's- it's two pounds. I'm losing money on this man just, give me the money. Alright, walk away.
20771 5 9 Frame Toby 3389 Leo Walk away.
20772 5 9 Frame Toby 3389 Vance Refrigeration Guy Walk away.
20773 5 9 Frame Toby 3390 Ryan Hey, Pam? I just wanted to let you know; I'm totally on your side with the whole microwave situation.
20774 5 9 Frame Toby 3390 Pam Thank you.
20775 5 9 Frame Toby 3390 Ryan I was just back there, to make some cup-o-soup; the thing is still a huge mess.
20776 5 9 Frame Toby 3390 Pam I know, can you believe it?
20777 5 9 Frame Toby 3390 Ryan Yeah, it's crazy. But, I guess the thing is at some point, notes or no notes, someone's gonna have to just get there and clean it up.
20778 5 9 Frame Toby 3390 Pam I guess that's why we have a temp, huh?
20779 5 9 Frame Toby 3390 Ryan Ah ha ha, oh no, trust me. I would just make it worse.
20780 5 9 Frame Toby 3390 Pam How would wiping it with a paper towel make it worse?
20781 5 9 Frame Toby 3390 Ryan I--- I would find a way.
20782 5 9 Frame Toby 3390 Pam You've seen things cleaned before though, right?
20783 5 9 Frame Toby 3390 Ryan I--- Pam, I am hopeless at that stuff I... I, uh...
20784 5 9 Frame Toby 3391 Kelly Hi, Michael.
20785 5 9 Frame Toby 3391 Michael Hey, hey, hey. Hey. I forgot... I forgot...
20786 5 9 Frame Toby 3392 Dwight Yes, I repeat a drug dealer is on the premisis of Dunder Mifflin. His name is Toby Flenderson and he recently returned from a mysterious vacation in Central America. I have risked a great deal to tell you this information. My name is Andy Bernard. Andrew Bernard, that's my name. See you soon.
20787 5 9 Frame Toby 3393 Police Officer 1 Hi, we received a call?
20788 5 9 Frame Toby 3393 Pam I don't know anything about that.
20789 5 9 Frame Toby 3393 Police Officer 1 We were tipped off about a possible narcotics situation.
20790 5 9 Frame Toby 3393 Pam Here?
20791 5 9 Frame Toby 3393 Dwight Hey, Pam. Hey I got this, okay? Hello, officers, Dwight Schrute, former volunteer Sheriff's Deputy. Listen, I may have inside information that someone is hiding drugs in this very office.
20792 5 9 Frame Toby 3394 Creed Just pretend like we're talking until the cops leave.
20793 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Michael Those are real cops, real guns. I wonder what's going on.
20794 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Dwight Officers, I reveal to you the perpetrator.
20795 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Toby Hey, what is this?
20796 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Dwight Search his things.
20797 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Police Officer 2 Sir, can you step away from your desk please?
20798 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Toby Why?
20799 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Police Officer 2 Sir, please step away from your desk.
20800 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Toby Hey, what's going on? You don't have my permission to do this.
20801 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Dwight They don't need your permission, Flenderson, they've got the company's permission.
20802 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Toby Hey, hey what are- why are you doing this?
20803 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Michael Uh, you know what? I think that this... uh, this is probably a misunderstanding.
20804 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Toby Don't search my stuff.
20805 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Police Officer 1 Sir?
20806 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Toby I have a reasonable right to privacy.
20807 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Dwight Save your whining for the jury there, Flenderson.
20808 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Toby Michael!
20809 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Michael Yeah, let's just cancel this, okay?
20810 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Police Officer 1 Sir, did you recently return from a trip to Central America?
20811 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Toby Oh my God!
20812 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Michael No, no no no... No, no.
20813 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Toby That was... I went to Costa Rica for a few months. What is going on?
20814 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Michael No, that was... that was legitimate. That was totally legitimate.
20815 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Police Officer 1 Really?
20816 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Police Officer 2 Check this out.
20817 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Michael Oh God!
20818 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Toby That is not mine. I have never seen that before.
20819 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Michael No, no no no no.
20820 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Police Officer 1 Turn around.
20821 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Toby What is going on here?
20822 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Michael God! No, that's not... I don't know what that is. And I... I bet he has nothing to do with that!
20823 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Police Officer 1 Do you have any weapons?
20824 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Toby Of course not!
20825 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Michael Ahh, that's mine.
20826 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Dwight No! Michael, no!
20827 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Michael Yes, it's mine.
20828 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Police Officer 2 Some basil. Salad dressing, I think.
20829 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Police Officer 1 Salad dressing?
20830 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Police Officer 2 Yeah it's, uh, a caprese salad. There's a little bit of, uh, mozerella right there.
20831 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Michael Are you kidding me? That's my salad.
20832 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Dwight So wait a minute, there's no drugs?
20833 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Police Officer 2 No.
20834 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Dwight Gahh, dammit! Come on!
20835 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Police Officer 1 We got a fake tip.
20836 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Dwight Wait, officers, are you sure you don't want to interrogate him?
20837 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Police Officer 1 No.
20838 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Dwight You have laws that protect you in any kind of interrogation. Why don't you use them?
20839 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Michael You must feel pretty good about yourself right now.
20840 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Toby I didn't put caprese salad in my drawer, Michael.
20841 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Michael Hmm.
20842 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Toby Did you?
20843 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Michael Since when is it illegal to put caprese salad... anywhere.
20844 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Toby You know but the police could have been out there you know, catching real criminals instead of here searching my stuff.
20845 5 9 Frame Toby 3395 Michael Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me, that's who you're worried about? You're... you're worried about the cop's time? You think I framed you, and you're worried about the taxpayer? Dah, God! Welcome back, jerky jerk-face.
20846 5 9 Frame Toby 3396 Michael You said you were leaving and you made liars out of all of us. So...
20847 5 9 Frame Toby 3396 Toby I did leave.
20848 5 9 Frame Toby 3396 Michael Yes, you did. And then you came back, which makes you the biggest liar of... history.
20849 5 9 Frame Toby 3396 Toby Well, I don't see it that way.
20850 5 9 Frame Toby 3396 Michael Do you want to hear a lie?
20851 5 9 Frame Toby 3396 Toby What?
20852 5 9 Frame Toby 3396 Michael I think you're great. You're my best friend.
20853 5 9 Frame Toby 3397 Ryan I can't do this.
20854 5 9 Frame Toby 3397 Kelly Can't do what?
20855 5 9 Frame Toby 3397 Ryan It's not fair to you. And it's really not fair to me.
20856 5 9 Frame Toby 3397 Kelly Wait, what are you saying? I broke up with Darryl so I could be with you.
20857 5 9 Frame Toby 3397 Ryan That was your choice; don't put that on me. I'm just going on a little trip.
20858 5 9 Frame Toby 3397 Kelly Oh, can I come?
20859 5 9 Frame Toby 3397 Ryan It's not that kind of trip. I'm going to Thailand with some friends from high school, well, a high school. And if I don't do it now I'll never get to go. And I'll always resent you for it... you don't want me to resent you, do you?
20860 5 9 Frame Toby 3397 Kelly So you're dumping me?
20861 5 9 Frame Toby 3397 Ryan Let's be adults about this. Let's have s*x one more time. And if you have any extra cash, that would be amazing.
20862 5 9 Frame Toby 3397 Kelly Okay?
20863 5 9 Frame Toby 3398 Jim Hey, do you mind if we make a stop on the way home?
20864 5 9 Frame Toby 3398 Pam Sure.
20865 5 9 Frame Toby 3398 Jim Cool.
20866 5 9 Frame Toby 3399 Pam What are we doing at your parent's house?
20867 5 9 Frame Toby 3399 Jim I have a surprise for you. All right, ready? Close your eyes and now open your eyes. Tadah!
20868 5 9 Frame Toby 3399 Pam I don't get it.
20869 5 9 Frame Toby 3399 Jim I bought it. It's ours. Let's go inside, I'll show you inside. So if you can believe it I did it without a realtor. Saving on closing costs is good and, uh, we can put all the money to de-shag the carpet. Which I think will help, the color situation. Yeah, I am really sorry about this. I tried to move it but he is really nailed in there. Worried about art theft, I guess, lot of art theives in this neighborhood. This is the master bedroom but, I'm actually not allowed in here so...
20870 5 9 Frame Toby 3400 Jim So I'm still in the process of converting the garage. It's got great light in here and I'm thinking, it could be perfect for an art studio. Look, I know, I bought this without asking you and it's doesn't look great, I know that. And if you really hate it, I totally understand it's just---
20871 5 9 Frame Toby 3400 Pam I love it.
20872 5 9 Frame Toby 3400 Jim You do?
20873 5 9 Frame Toby 3400 Pam Yeah, I love it!
20874 5 9 Frame Toby 3400 Jim Really?
20875 5 9 Frame Toby 3400 Pam I mean, you bought me a house!
20876 5 9 Frame Toby 3400 Jim Oh my God...
20877 5 9 Frame Toby 3400 Pam You bought me a house!
20878 5 9 Frame Toby 3400 Jim Yeah, I did.
20879 5 9 Frame Toby 3400 Pam Um, do we have to sleep in your parent's bedroom?
20880 5 9 Frame Toby 3400 Jim No, No, we'll just board that up. It'll be that weird spare room that people ask us about.
20881 5 9 Frame Toby 3400 Pam And the clown?
20882 5 9 Frame Toby 3400 Jim Yeah, I can't... really can't move him.
20883 5 9 Frame Toby 3401 Dwight What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris, by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years; she's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.
20884 5 10 The Surplus 3402 Oscar Here are our final actual costs for this year.
20885 5 10 The Surplus 3402 Michael Mmm... okay.
20886 5 10 The Surplus 3402 Oscar As you can see, we did pretty well, so...
20887 5 10 The Surplus 3402 Michael Yes. Yes, I can see... that we did indeed. Why don't you explain this to me like I am an eight-year old.
20888 5 10 The Surplus 3402 Oscar Alright, well this is the overall budget for this fiscal year along the x-axis...
20889 5 10 The Surplus 3402 Michael Yes.
20890 5 10 The Surplus 3402 Oscar Right there.
20891 5 10 The Surplus 3402 Michael There's the x-ax...icks.
20892 5 10 The Surplus 3402 Oscar You can see clearly on this page that we have a surplus of $4300.
20893 5 10 The Surplus 3402 Michael Mmhmm, okay.
20894 5 10 The Surplus 3402 Oscar But we have to spend that by the end of the day or it will be deducted from next year's budget.
20895 5 10 The Surplus 3402 Michael Why don't you explain this to me like I'm five.
20896 5 10 The Surplus 3402 Oscar Your mommy and daddy give you ten dollars to open up a lemonade stand. So you go out and you buy cups and you buy lemons and you buy sugar. And now you find out that it only costs you nine dollars.
20897 5 10 The Surplus 3402 Michael Ho-oh!
20898 5 10 The Surplus 3402 Oscar So you have an extra dollar.
20899 5 10 The Surplus 3402 Michael Yeah.
20900 5 10 The Surplus 3402 Oscar So you can give that dollar back to mommy and daddy, but guess what? Next summer...
20901 5 10 The Surplus 3402 Michael I'll be six.
20902 5 10 The Surplus 3402 Oscar And you ask them for money, they're gonna give you nine dollars. 'Cause that's what they think it costs to run the stand. So what you want to do is spend that dollar on something now, so that your parents think it costs ten dollars to run the lemonade stand.
20903 5 10 The Surplus 3402 Michael So the dollar's a surplus. This is a surplus.
20904 5 10 The Surplus 3402 Oscar We have to spend that $4300 by the end of the day or it'll be deducted from next year's budget.
20905 5 10 The Surplus 3402 Michael Whoo.
20906 5 10 The Surplus 3402 Oscar We should spend this money on a new copier, which we desperately need.
20907 5 10 The Surplus 3402 Michael Okay, break it down in terms of, um... okay, I-I think I'm getting you...
20908 5 10 The Surplus 3403 Michael Guess what, everybody? Christmas has come early this year. Oscar, very smartly, has discovered an extra $4300 in the budget. Thank you, Oscar. And I have decided with that money I am going to buy a new, drum roll please... Can anybody guess?
20909 5 10 The Surplus 3403 Pam New chairs?
20910 5 10 The Surplus 3403 Michael No, a new copier! Unless everybody can agree on something better?
20911 5 10 The Surplus 3403 Oscar No, no, please. Please do not do this.
20912 5 10 The Surplus 3403 Pam Yes, Michael, new chairs. These chairs are terrible. We were supposed to get new ones last year.
20913 5 10 The Surplus 3403 Michael So... we all agree to get new chairs then. Good?
20914 5 10 The Surplus 3403 Pam Good? Yeah, he said good, I'm good...
20915 5 10 The Surplus 3403 Oscar Now listen, we are a paper company. How can we take pride in our jobs if we have to put our fine paper in this wretched machine?
20916 5 10 The Surplus 3403 Pam Oscar, no. This is not the time for one of your principled stands.
20917 5 10 The Surplus 3403 Oscar Pam, you make more copies than anyone.
20918 5 10 The Surplus 3403 Pam Exactly. That should tell you how terrible the chairs are.
20919 5 10 The Surplus 3403 Michael Okay. Okay, good suggestions. All good suggestions. Uh, let's just decide and agree upon one.
20920 5 10 The Surplus 3403 Stanley I'm with Pam. Chairs.
20921 5 10 The Surplus 3403 Michael Alright, so, teams forming.
20922 5 10 The Surplus 3403 Toby We should really have the office's air quality tested. We have radon coming from below, we have asbestos in the ceilings. These are silent killers.
20923 5 10 The Surplus 3403 Michael You are the silent killer. Go back to the annex.
20924 5 10 The Surplus 3403 Toby You'll see.
20925 5 10 The Surplus 3403 Pam Michael?
20926 5 10 The Surplus 3403 Michael Yes.
20927 5 10 The Surplus 3403 Pam I've talked to Meredith, Stanley and Jim about the chairs. I know they're with me on this.
20928 5 10 The Surplus 3403 Jim Uh, actually, I'm gonna go with copier.
20929 5 10 The Surplus 3403 Pam What? Jim.
20930 5 10 The Surplus 3404 Jim Ever since Pam and I started dating, I just feel weird asking her to make copies for me. So, I make my own copies. And that copier sucks. Let me tell you, I-But you know what? Pam and I don't have to agree on everything.
20931 5 10 The Surplus 3405 Meredith Jim, good for you, standing up to Pam like that.
20932 5 10 The Surplus 3405 Creed The balls on you, man.
20933 5 10 The Surplus 3405 Oscar So Michael, what do you think?
20934 5 10 The Surplus 3405 Michael Why me?
20935 5 10 The Surplus 3405 Jim You have to make the decision.
20936 5 10 The Surplus 3405 Michael Wow, okay. Well... I swallowed all your ideas, I'm going to digest them and see what comes out the other end.
20937 5 10 The Surplus 3406 Andy Dwight, I'm a little concerned about some of these directions to Schrute Farms...
20938 5 10 The Surplus 3406 Dwight Yeah, do tell.
20939 5 10 The Surplus 3406 Andy I mean, like, "156 paces from the light red mailbox, make a left."
20940 5 10 The Surplus 3406 Dwight Mmhmm.
20941 5 10 The Surplus 3406 Andy "Walk until you hear the beehive."
20942 5 10 The Surplus 3406 Dwight How could it be more clear?
20943 5 10 The Surplus 3406 Angela I think Andy makes an excellent point.
20944 5 10 The Surplus 3406 Dwight Okay.
20945 5 10 The Surplus 3406 Angela But my biggest concern is that there's only one bathroom.
20946 5 10 The Surplus 3406 Dwight We'll dig a trench. As long as it's downhill from the well, we should be fine.
20947 5 10 The Surplus 3406 Angela Nana Mimi cannot squat over some trench.
20948 5 10 The Surplus 3406 Dwight Well we're not gonna put out stumps, come on.
20949 5 10 The Surplus 3406 Andy Let's three-way this little issue, and come to a solution by the time we get to Schrute Farms, how's that for a plan?
20950 5 10 The Surplus 3407 Andy We're getting married at Schrute Farms, no matter what. I have looked at twelve venues, I have lost eight deposits, and I have seen Angela naked zero times. I am not losing another deposit.
20951 5 10 The Surplus 3408 Pam Hey.
20952 5 10 The Surplus 3408 Jim Hey.
20953 5 10 The Surplus 3408 Pam So um, I've been thinking about this whole chair/copier thing...
20954 5 10 The Surplus 3408 Jim Mmhmm.
20955 5 10 The Surplus 3408 Pam I really think you should reconsider.
20956 5 10 The Surplus 3408 Jim Oh, Pam, I really... hate that copier.
20957 5 10 The Surplus 3408 Pam Yeah, I know.
20958 5 10 The Surplus 3408 Jim Yeah.
20959 5 10 The Surplus 3408 Pam But I really think you should reconsider.
20960 5 10 The Surplus 3408 Jim Beesly, are you threatening me?
20961 5 10 The Surplus 3408 Pam Jim. Jim, Jim, Jim. I'm not threatening you. I love you. But you should know, you're on very dangerous ground . All right.
20962 5 10 The Surplus 3408 Jim Okay.
20963 5 10 The Surplus 3409 Jim Whew.
20964 5 10 The Surplus 3410 Dwight This is where you'll have your receiving line. Of course we'll clear out all the livestock and hay and such.
20965 5 10 The Surplus 3410 Andy Hmm... mm, what's that smell?
20966 5 10 The Surplus 3410 Dwight You're gonna need to be more specific.
20967 5 10 The Surplus 3410 Angela Manure. Get rid of it.
20968 5 10 The Surplus 3410 Dwight Manure covers up the small of the slaughterhouse.
20969 5 10 The Surplus 3410 Angela Do you have to slaughter on our wedding day?
20970 5 10 The Surplus 3410 Dwight You wanna eat, don't you?
20971 5 10 The Surplus 3410 Angela Honey, say something!
20972 5 10 The Surplus 3410 Andy Uh, Dwight, if we pay extra, could you slaughter the entrees the day before?
20973 5 10 The Surplus 3410 Dwight ...I'll consider it.
20974 5 10 The Surplus 3410 Andy See? That's how you do it! Makin' progress here. ...Darn! Heh.
20975 5 10 The Surplus 3410 Dwight There's a hose out back.
20976 5 10 The Surplus 3410 Andy Okay.
20977 5 10 The Surplus 3411 Pam Remember, you were gonna get a new chair, and you were gonna give your old chair to me. Remember that?
20978 5 10 The Surplus 3411 Michael Yes.
20979 5 10 The Surplus 3411 Pam Well that never happened.
20980 5 10 The Surplus 3411 Oscar Michael?
20981 5 10 The Surplus 3411 Michael I don't know. I haven't decided yet.
20982 5 10 The Surplus 3411 Oscar I'm just gonna grab some lunch. You wanna come with?
20983 5 10 The Surplus 3411 Michael Really? Absolutely! Yeah, that would be amazing.
20984 5 10 The Surplus 3411 Jim Woah, you guys going to lunch?
20985 5 10 The Surplus 3411 Michael Yes.
20986 5 10 The Surplus 3411 Jim Mind if I join?
20987 5 10 The Surplus 3411 Michael Ohh, God!
20988 5 10 The Surplus 3411 Jim All right.
20989 5 10 The Surplus 3411 Michael Yeah!
20990 5 10 The Surplus 3411 Jim Let's go.
20991 5 10 The Surplus 3411 Michael Best lunch ever! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
20992 5 10 The Surplus 3411 Jim Let's do it.
20993 5 10 The Surplus 3411 Michael All right! Cool!
20994 5 10 The Surplus 3411 Jim Where we going?
20995 5 10 The Surplus 3411 Michael I have no idea.
20996 5 10 The Surplus 3412 Pam So, I guess that's how they're gonna play this. It is on. It is so on.
20997 5 10 The Surplus 3413 Pam Look, I really need this new chair. I mean, seriously, how is it possible that in five years I've had two engagement rings, and only one chair?
20998 5 10 The Surplus 3414 Oscar Stop it! Michael.
20999 5 10 The Surplus 3414 Jim Michael, that is hilarious.
21000 5 10 The Surplus 3414 Michael Oh, is somebody making fun of me?
21001 5 10 The Surplus 3414 Oscar The best. Great friends. Thank you, Michael.
21002 5 10 The Surplus 3414 Jim Ahh... I got you some tiramisu. No hard feelings.
21003 5 10 The Surplus 3414 Pam Aww.
21004 5 10 The Surplus 3414 Jim Yeah.
21005 5 10 The Surplus 3414 Pam That's cool. Mm, good stuff.
21006 5 10 The Surplus 3414 Jim You look really pretty.
21007 5 10 The Surplus 3414 Pam Thank you.
21008 5 10 The Surplus 3414 Michael Yeah.
21009 5 10 The Surplus 3414 Pam Michael?
21010 5 10 The Surplus 3414 Michael Yeah?
21011 5 10 The Surplus 3414 Pam Hey!
21012 5 10 The Surplus 3414 Michael Oh, hey.
21013 5 10 The Surplus 3414 Pam You got a second?
21014 5 10 The Surplus 3414 Michael I do.
21015 5 10 The Surplus 3414 Pam Oh, good.
21016 5 10 The Surplus 3415 Pam Oh, that must've been so fun.
21017 5 10 The Surplus 3415 Michael it was fun. We had a good time.
21018 5 10 The Surplus 3415 Pam Hey, have I told you you look really nice today?
21019 5 10 The Surplus 3415 Michael Oh, thank you.
21020 5 10 The Surplus 3415 Pam Yeah, is that a new tie?
21021 5 10 The Surplus 3415 Michael Um, no, not... no. No, I got it at TJ Maxx, four dollars.
21022 5 10 The Surplus 3415 Pam That is amazing!
21023 5 10 The Surplus 3415 Michael You think that's good? Check out these pants. Nine dollars.
21024 5 10 The Surplus 3415 Pam What?
21025 5 10 The Surplus 3415 Michael Nine dollars. The boys' department.
21026 5 10 The Surplus 3415 Pam No.
21027 5 10 The Surplus 3415 Michael Look at the ass. Check out the ass.
21028 5 10 The Surplus 3415 Pam No way!
21029 5 10 The Surplus 3415 Michael Look at that. Unh. Unh-unh.
21030 5 10 The Surplus 3415 Pam Yeah! Oh, so I guess Oscar and Jim were talking your ear off about the new copier.
21031 5 10 The Surplus 3415 Michael Yes they were.
21032 5 10 The Surplus 3415 Pam Yeah.
21033 5 10 The Surplus 3415 Michael They were.
21034 5 10 The Surplus 3415 Pam Here's what I was thinking: everyone sits on a chair every day...
21035 5 10 The Surplus 3415 Michael Mmhmm.
21036 5 10 The Surplus 3415 Pam But not everyone...
21037 5 10 The Surplus 3415 Michael Sits on a copier.
21038 5 10 The Surplus 3415 Pam Or even uses the copier every day.
21039 5 10 The Surplus 3415 Michael Yeah.
21040 5 10 The Surplus 3415 Pam Yeah, right?
21041 5 10 The Surplus 3415 Michael Very valid.
21042 5 10 The Surplus 3415 Pam ...That's it.
21043 5 10 The Surplus 3415 Michael All right.
21044 5 10 The Surplus 3415 Pam All right, see you later...
21045 5 10 The Surplus 3415 Michael See ya.
21046 5 10 The Surplus 3415 Pam Hot tie guy.
21047 5 10 The Surplus 3415 Michael Hahaha!... well...
21048 5 10 The Surplus 3416 Dwight Have you made a decision on the butter sculpture?
21049 5 10 The Surplus 3416 Angela No. I haven't thought of it.
21050 5 10 The Surplus 3416 Dwight Okay. Cow, goat or sheep. It's not that hard.
21051 5 10 The Surplus 3416 Angela I would like cat.
21052 5 10 The Surplus 3416 Dwight Cats don't make butter.
21053 5 10 The Surplus 3416 Angela I would like cow butter sculpture of a cat.
21054 5 10 The Surplus 3416 Dwight It doesn't make any sense.
21055 5 10 The Surplus 3416 Angela Yes it does!
21056 5 10 The Surplus 3416 Andy Okay, guys!
21057 5 10 The Surplus 3416 Angela I want a butter sculpture of a cat!
21058 5 10 The Surplus 3416 Dwight Cow, goat or sheep.
21059 5 10 The Surplus 3416 Andy What is this? All right, we're all on the same team. Is it- Damn! Why is that in the kitchen?!
21060 5 10 The Surplus 3417 Jim You might want to consider changing teams, because we would-we would love to have you.
21061 5 10 The Surplus 3417 Pam No, copier's great.
21062 5 10 The Surplus 3417 Jim Yeah?
21063 5 10 The Surplus 3417 Pam Yeah. I have my copies.
21064 5 10 The Surplus 3417 Jim There they are.
21065 5 10 The Surplus 3417 Pam And I have my original.
21066 5 10 The Surplus 3417 Jim You got it.
21067 5 10 The Surplus 3417 Pam So suck it.
21068 5 10 The Surplus 3417 Jim Okay.
21069 5 10 The Surplus 3418 Michael Okay.
21070 5 10 The Surplus 3418 Kevin Michael, I got you a hot chocolate. I hope that's okay.
21071 5 10 The Surplus 3418 Michael Oh, thank you my dear.
21072 5 10 The Surplus 3418 Kelly Wait, Michael! Let me open the door for you.
21073 5 10 The Surplus 3418 Michael Oh, well, chivalry is not dead after all. Okay...
21074 5 10 The Surplus 3418 Stanley There he is!
21075 5 10 The Surplus 3418 Michael There he is! Hello, hello!
21076 5 10 The Surplus 3418 Phyllis Hello.
21077 5 10 The Surplus 3418 Michael Hello! Good to see you! Good to see you.
21078 5 10 The Surplus 3418 Jim Oh!
21079 5 10 The Surplus 3418 Michael Mm! Yeah!
21080 5 10 The Surplus 3418 Pam There's that ass!
21081 5 10 The Surplus 3418 Michael Hey hey! Yeah! Unh!
21082 5 10 The Surplus 3418 Pam Woo! Yeah. Aw, don't take it away!
21083 5 10 The Surplus 3418 Michael Oh... ah, I almost choked.
21084 5 10 The Surplus 3419 Dwight Here's another place.
21085 5 10 The Surplus 3419 Angela It's beautiful.
21086 5 10 The Surplus 3419 Andy Hey-o!
21087 5 10 The Surplus 3419 Dwight So... why don't we try this out, we'll see what would happen. Give it a little test drive, what do you say? You pretend to be Angela's father, you will play Angela, and uh, I will pretend to be you. That way you can see what it looks like when you're up here.
21088 5 10 The Surplus 3419 Angela Hello, I'm Angela Martin, and-
21089 5 10 The Surplus 3419 Andy I'm Andy.
21090 5 10 The Surplus 3419 Angela I work with Dwight.
21091 5 10 The Surplus 3419 Dwight He doesn't understand a word you're saying.
21092 5 10 The Surplus 3419 Andy What?
21093 5 10 The Surplus 3419 Dwight Although born just minutes from here, he speaks only German. Closed society. So, now, after the readings by all of your sisters, we will arrive at the vows. So, Konrad... And away we go. This is a little taste of the ceremony, if you will. He's explaining why we're here, what we're doing here, making introductions, blah blah blah... Then he's gonna have Andy repeat a bunch of stuff. He's gonna ask Andy to produce a ring. I have uh, now just uh... just some twine for our purposes, and you will put the ring on her finger. Yadda yadda, then he's going to ask Andy, uh, if he would like to marry Angela. And you will reply, "I do." And then he's going to ask Angela if she would like to marry Andy, to which you will reply...
21094 5 10 The Surplus 3419 Angela I do.
21095 5 10 The Surplus 3419 Dwight And there we go. Okay, and that's just about it. Man and wife.
21096 5 10 The Surplus 3420 Hank Got a call about a problem up here.
21097 5 10 The Surplus 3420 Pam Did somebody call Hank?
21098 5 10 The Surplus 3420 Michael Hank, thank God you're here. The office is at a crossroads.
21099 5 10 The Surplus 3420 Hank So, there's no security problem? You know, I hustled up the stairs.
21100 5 10 The Surplus 3420 Michael Yes. I need your sage advice. And everyone, whatever Hank decides, that is the decision. That will resolve this issue. Yeah, take as many as you want.
21101 5 10 The Surplus 3420 Hank Thank you. Thank you. You know, it's nice and warm up here.
21102 5 10 The Surplus 3420 Michael Yes.
21103 5 10 The Surplus 3420 Hank So what are we talking about?
21104 5 10 The Surplus 3420 Michael Okay. Well, we have a surplus. Imagine that your parents give you money for a lemonade stand-
21105 5 10 The Surplus 3420 Hank I know what a surplus is.
21106 5 10 The Surplus 3420 Michael Oh, okay. Good. Good. Well, here's the thing. Some people want to use the surplus to buy a new copier. Other people are complaining about the chairs.
21107 5 10 The Surplus 3420 Hank Is that the copier?
21108 5 10 The Surplus 3420 Michael It is, yes.
21109 5 10 The Surplus 3420 Hank Hmm.
21110 5 10 The Surplus 3420 Michael What?
21111 5 10 The Surplus 3420 Hank I was just thinking. Let me see a chair.
21112 5 10 The Surplus 3420 Michael Okay.
21113 5 10 The Surplus 3420 Pam You can try mine.
21114 5 10 The Surplus 3420 Michael Oh, there we go.
21115 5 10 The Surplus 3420 Hank Hmm, not much lumbar support.
21116 5 10 The Surplus 3420 Michael Now everyone, bear in mind once again that whatever Hank says goes. He is an impartial third party.
21117 5 10 The Surplus 3420 Hank On the one hand, this copier is very old. You should see some of the new copiers they have. You would not believe what they do.
21118 5 10 The Surplus 3420 Michael So, the copier.
21119 5 10 The Surplus 3420 Hank Well, let me finish.
21120 5 10 The Surplus 3420 Michael All right, yes.
21121 5 10 The Surplus 3420 Hank Now the chairs. The chairs are very weak. Very weak chairs. I could not sit all day in this chair.
21122 5 10 The Surplus 3420 Michael Well, what should I do?
21123 5 10 The Surplus 3420 Hank ...Let me see the copier again.
21124 5 10 The Surplus 3420 Michael All right, get out. Get out.
21125 5 10 The Surplus 3421 Angela Dwight, I thought I knew what I wanted. And then, being here with you and the German Mennonite minister... it just all felt right. I made a mistake picking Andy.
21126 5 10 The Surplus 3421 Dwight I know you did. And that's why I have taken care of everything.
21127 5 10 The Surplus 3421 Angela What do you mean?
21128 5 10 The Surplus 3421 Dwight Well Monkey, he's a real minister. And you said, "I do." And I said, "I do." And Andy wasn't signing a receipt; he was signing our marriage certificate as a witness.
21129 5 10 The Surplus 3421 Angela Dwight! That doesn't count!
21130 5 10 The Surplus 3421 Dwight Yes, of course it does.
21131 5 10 The Surplus 3421 Angela No, it doesn't!
21132 5 10 The Surplus 3421 Dwight It does in the state of Pennsylvania.
21133 5 10 The Surplus 3421 Angela I didn't-
21134 5 10 The Surplus 3421 Dwight Haha, Mrs. Schrute.
21135 5 10 The Surplus 3421 Angela We are not married.
21136 5 10 The Surplus 3421 Dwight Wha...
21137 5 10 The Surplus 3421 Angela Take this thing.
21138 5 10 The Surplus 3421 Dwight My... It's not my fault you don't understand German; I've been telling you to take it for years!
21139 5 10 The Surplus 3421 Andy Are we, uh... are we leaving or what? Ow!
21140 5 10 The Surplus 3422 David Michael.
21141 5 10 The Surplus 3422 Michael Hey David- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm eating tiramisu. Some of the chocolate powder just went down my throat. I'm stopping now.
21142 5 10 The Surplus 3422 David Is this why you're calling me?
21143 5 10 The Surplus 3422 Michael No, no, no, no, no. No. I'm calling- I'm sorry.
21144 5 10 The Surplus 3422 David Okay.
21145 5 10 The Surplus 3422 Michael Mm. I'm calling because, um, we have a stupid budget surplus, and people-everybody wants something different.
21146 5 10 The Surplus 3422 David You want me to weigh in on a minor budget issue?
21147 5 10 The Surplus 3422 Michael No, no, no. I want you to make the decision so I'm not the bad guy.
21148 5 10 The Surplus 3422 David Well if I were you, I would just return the surplus and take the bonus.
21149 5 10 The Surplus 3422 Michael The what now?
21150 5 10 The Surplus 3422 David Branch managers who come in under budget get 15% of the savings.
21151 5 10 The Surplus 3422 Michael ...Like a tip? $645?!
21152 5 10 The Surplus 3423 Michael I hate disappointing just one person. And I really hate disappointing everyone. But I love Burlington Coat Factory. You go in there with $645, you are literally a king.
21153 5 10 The Surplus 3424 Jim We have that going out Tuesday... Okay? Sure, no, I can... I'll double-check that for you.
21154 5 10 The Surplus 3424 Michael All right, attention everyone.
21155 5 10 The Surplus 3424 Jim Let me call you right back. Okay.
21156 5 10 The Surplus 3424 Michael I have made my decision. We do not need a new copier. We do not need new chairs. This copier... is... working perfectly.
21157 5 10 The Surplus 3424 Oscar That's the original.
21158 5 10 The Surplus 3424 Michael Pam, would you stand up for a sec? Hmm. See how relaxed I am? I like this chair. Offers good support, it is urkelnomically correct... it's a good chair. I think we're spoiled because we don't appreciate the things that we have. You think kids in Africa have chairs? No. They sit in big piles of garbage. You think they have copiers? They don't have copiers. They don't even- Gah! They don't even have paper. And we are spoiled because we throw out perfectly good tiramisu because it has a little tiny hair on it. My point I this: I have seen the light in terms of what we need, and it is nothing.
21159 5 10 The Surplus 3424 Oscar Do you know?
21160 5 10 The Surplus 3424 Michael Do I know what?
21161 5 10 The Surplus 3424 Oscar I think you know.
21162 5 10 The Surplus 3424 Michael Mm, no...
21163 5 10 The Surplus 3424 Phyllis Know what?
21164 5 10 The Surplus 3424 Pam Yeah, know what?
21165 5 10 The Surplus 3424 Oscar Does anyone happen to know what 15% of 4300 is?
21166 5 10 The Surplus 3424 Michael 645
21167 5 10 The Surplus 3424 Kevin Michael's a genius.
21168 5 10 The Surplus 3424 Michael Right.
21169 5 10 The Surplus 3424 Oscar Why'd you say dollars?
21170 5 10 The Surplus 3424 Michael Because that is how my mind works.
21171 5 10 The Surplus 3424 Oscar What's 15% of 200? Thank you. Everyone, Michael is returning the surplus so he can keep 15% as a bonus.
21172 5 10 The Surplus 3424 Jim Wait, what?
21173 5 10 The Surplus 3424 Pam You can do that?
21174 5 10 The Surplus 3424 Kevin Hey Michael, what's 394 times 5,912?
21175 5 10 The Surplus 3424 Michael Let's see...
21176 5 10 The Surplus 3424 Pam You're gonna give yourself a bonus of $645 instead of getting the entire office something it really needs?
21177 5 10 The Surplus 3424 Michael I don't need $645; I already have $645, more or less.
21178 5 10 The Surplus 3424 Oscar You're gonna get us a copier then?
21179 5 10 The Surplus 3424 Michael This is so stupid.
21180 5 10 The Surplus 3424 Pam Or chairs?
21181 5 10 The Surplus 3424 Michael This is so, so stupid. And, God... that's my phone.
21182 5 10 The Surplus 3424 Stanley I didn't hear a phone.
21183 5 10 The Surplus 3424 Michael To be continued!
21184 5 10 The Surplus 3425 Michael No, I don't-this doesn't change anything. I have a very important decision to make. We need a new copier. We need new chairs. And I need to figure out a way to keep this money without having everybody hate me.
21185 5 10 The Surplus 3426 Andy Hey Tuna, check it out. Tuna sandwich. Just like you. What-
21186 5 10 The Surplus 3426 Angela Now, I have to take care of a legal issue.
21187 5 10 The Surplus 3427 Andy Was that hot or what?
21188 5 10 The Surplus 3428 Pam So what's it gonna be?
21189 5 10 The Surplus 3428 Oscar Michael, you have to make a decision. The day is almost done.
21190 5 10 The Surplus 3428 Pam Let me just say, you've been promising me this chair since the day you hired me.
21191 5 10 The Surplus 3428 Oscar You are a smart guy. I know you'll do the right thing.
21192 5 10 The Surplus 3428 Michael You think it's easy?
21193 5 10 The Surplus 3428 Stanley It's your job.
21194 5 10 The Surplus 3428 Michael Okay, you know what? Why don't you guys deal with it? I am going to get up, and I am going to be out in the common area. But you need to decide; otherwise I'm taking the bonus. All right?
21195 5 10 The Surplus 3429 Michael It is a classic management tactic. You have two sides, a deadline, you know that neither of them are gonna concede. What you do is you put 'em in a room, and you just- Hey.
21196 5 10 The Surplus 3429 Pam Hey.
21197 5 10 The Surplus 3429 Oscar Hey, we're going with the chairs.
21198 5 10 The Surplus 3429 Michael What?
21199 5 10 The Surplus 3429 Oscar I just figured I'd rather have new chairs than nothing at all.
21200 5 10 The Surplus 3429 Pam Thanks Michael.
21201 5 10 The Surplus 3429 Michael Good work. I'm proud of you. Mother-
21202 5 10 The Surplus 3430 Michael What did we learn this week? Well, one, thanks to me, my team is much, much faster at coming to decisions than I thought they would be. Number two, never buy a fur coat with a credit card until you absolutely have the money to pay for it. And three, you should know that some people think it's cool to throw buckets of fake blood on you as you are walking out of Burlington Coat Factory.
21203 5 10 The Surplus 3431 Jim Truce?
21204 5 10 The Surplus 3431 Pam Yeah, I guess, since I won.
21205 5 10 The Surplus 3431 Jim Yeah, you did win. You did win. Anyway, I'm going to need three copies of each of these, stapled and collated. Totally kidding. I'm gonna need four.
21206 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3432 Dwight What is this?
21207 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3432 Jim Happy Holidays, Dwight. But do not open it till Christmas.
21208 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3432 Dwight You're so pathetic. How long did this take you? Three hours?
21209 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3432 Jim Five minutes actually. I am a black belt in gift wrapping.
21210 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3432 Dwight Yeah, no such thing. They don't give out black belts for things that are stupid. Well, I hope it was worth it, cause I'm gonna take it apart in about five minutes.
21211 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3432 Jim I think it'll take you a little longer than that.
21212 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3432 Dwight Really? If I can skin a mule deer in less than ten minutes, I ought to be able to cut my --
21213 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3433 Stanley Eh...
21214 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3433 Phyllis I'm sorry. It's the largest one I have.
21215 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3433 Stanley I will not be the big guy in the tiny hat.
21216 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3434 Phyllis This is the first Christmas party I am throwing as head of the party planning committee. The theme is "Nights in Morocco". This isn't your grandmothers Christmas party. Unless of course she's from Morocco, in which case it's very accurate.
21217 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3435 Michael Hey, Phyllis, do I need this invite to get in to the party?
21218 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3435 Phyllis Yes.
21219 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3435 Michael Awesome. I think this is going to be the best Christmas party ever.
21220 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3436 Phyllis Angela. You're going to move this for the party right? It's not on theme.
21221 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3436 Angela It's the nativity scene.
21222 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3436 Phyllis Alright. You can keep your camel, sheep, elephant and the north African king can stay. Everything else goes in the drawer.
21223 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3437 Angela I am not going to judge Phyllis for desecrating Christmas. There is one person who will though and Phyllis just stuffed him into a drawer.
21224 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3438 Phyllis I need you to get rid of the tree.
21225 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3438 Angela But--
21226 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3438 Phyllis Thank you.
21227 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3439 Phyllis Oh, I don't think it's blackmail. Angela just does what I ask her to do so I won't tell everyone that she's cheating on Andy with Dwight. I think for it to be black mail, it would have to be a formal letter.
21228 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3440 Jim Ah. You brought in your doll collection.
21229 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3440 Dwight These are not dolls, Jim. These are commodities. Same as gold or oil.
21230 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3441 Dwight Every year I do research to determine which toy will be the most popular of the Christmas season. This year it's a doll. Half girl, half unicorn. Catchphrase: "My horn can pierce the sky". Pathetic. I bought out every store in the area over the last couple of weeks. And as lazy parents become desperate I will sell them for an enormous profit. Isn't that right princess?
21231 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3442 Jim That's the Christmas spirit.
21232 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3442 Dwight I am simply punishing those parents that would wait till the last minute to get their child a gift. And such a genetically improbable one. Look at that. How does that happen? King has s*x with a unicorn? Man with a horn has s*x with a royal horse?
21233 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3442 Jim Yes.
21234 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3442 Michael Oh, hey, is that Princess Unicorn? I thought they were all sold out.
21235 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3442 Dwight They are now.
21236 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3442 Michael Cool. My horn can pierce the sky.
21237 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3443 Michael This is equal parts scotch, absinthe, rum, gin, vermouth, triple sec, and two packs of Splenda. Call it a one of everything.
21238 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3443 Meredith Oh... my... GOD!!! Hit me again.
21239 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3443 Michael Alright... One more time around the block.
21240 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3444 Jim I will grant you one wish.
21241 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3444 Pam I wish that you'd stop rubbing that lamp in that creepy way.
21242 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3444 Jim Stupid. Everyone knows to ask for a hundred more wishes. Dumb.
21243 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3444 Andy Hey, hey... Ange... check it out. There's a place in France where the naked ladies dance.
21244 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3444 Angela Really Andy? It's Christmas and your singing about nudity and France.
21245 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3444 Andy There's a hole in the wall where the men can see it all.
21246 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3445 Michael Jim, Jim....
21247 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3445 Jim What is it?
21248 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3445 Michael That is vodka and I mixed it with orange juice. I call it an orange-vod-juice...ka.
21249 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3445 Jim Wow, that is delicious.
21250 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3445 Michael Yeah.
21251 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3445 Jim Can't believe no ones thought of that.
21252 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3445 Michael I know.
21253 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3446 Meredith Ahh yeah!!
21254 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3447 Meredith Belly dancing!
21255 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3448 Guy buying doll 120, 180... 200.
21256 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3448 Dwight All right.
21257 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3448 Guy Thank you so much. My daughter is going to love this.
21258 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3448 Dwight Oh, so glad I could help.
21259 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3448 Guy Thanks.
21260 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3448 Dwight Merry Christmas.
21261 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3448 Guy You too.
21262 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3449 Dwight Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-ka-ching.
21263 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3450 Michael Oh, so this is what every day would be like if you hadn't left India.
21264 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3451 Jim Oh, oh, oh, oh!
21265 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3451 Dwight We got a live one! On fire!!
21266 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3452 Meredith I'm all right. I'm all right.
21267 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3453 Andy Sorry.
21268 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3454 Oscar We're back on the 5th, should we just do it then?
21269 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3454 Michael Can not do it then. Monthly dental appointment, soft teeth
21270 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3454 Oscar What about February 2nd?
21271 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3454 Jim Ah... would you want to do it on Groundhogs day?
21272 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3454 Michael No, no. I celebrate privately.
21273 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3454 Jim That's cool.
21274 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3454 Michael Why don't we just do it now? We'll do it quickly.
21275 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3454 Oscar Now? It's our Christmas party.
21276 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3454 Michael We'll do it quickly.
21277 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3454 Jim Well what if we can't do it quickly.
21278 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3454 Michael What if we can't do it quickly? What if we cant do it--
21279 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3454 Oscar Do you know how to do an intervention?
21280 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3454 Michael Hey, shut up. Here we go. Everybody gather up.
21281 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3455 Michael An intervention. It's sort of hard to describe, but really its-- it's a coming together... it's a surprise party for people who are-- who have addictions. And you get in their face and you scream at them and you make them feel really badly about themselves. And then they stop.
21282 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3456 Phyllis It looks like we're going to be here for awhile, so why don't you make a little plate of hummus for everyone. Little triangles of pita, toasted on both sides, fanned so you can easily can grab them.
21283 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3456 Angela I don't--
21284 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3456 Phyllis And napkins... fanned.
21285 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3457 Michael Okay, how do you feel?
21286 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3457 Meredith A little better. I threw up.
21287 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3457 Michael Uck... T.M.I.
21288 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3457 Kevin Fire girl. Too soon?
21289 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3457 Jim Yeah.
21290 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3457 Michael Okay, you know what I thought we should do is have a quick intervention and then get back to the party.
21291 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3457 Toby Michael, we are only allowed to talk about Meredith's work performance. We can not ask her to stop drinking.
21292 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3457 Michael I am not asking her to stop drinking. I am imploring her to quit being an alcoholic.
21293 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3457 Meredith I'm not an alcoholic.
21294 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3457 Michael Yeah, obviously you are. Okay, everybody who thinks that Meredith is an alcoholic please raise your hand.
21295 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3457 Dwight Aye.
21296 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3457 Michael The aye's have it.
21297 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3457 Meredith I don't care what everyone thinks. I know I am not an alcoholic.
21298 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3457 Michael Alright, well, let's look at this a little bit closer then shall we?
21299 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3458 Andy When I was in college I used to get wicked hammered. My nickname was puke. I would chug a fifth of socos, sneak into a frat party, polish off a few people's empties, some brewskies, some Jell-O shots, do some body shots off myself, pass out, wake up the next morning, puke, rally, more soco, head to class. Probably would have gotten expelled if I had let it affect my grades, but I aced all my courses. They called me Ace. It was totally awesome. Got straight B's. They called me Buzz.
21300 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3459 Michael Meredith, have you ever used alcohol to alter your mood or deliberately change your state of mind?
21301 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3459 Meredith Sure.
21302 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3459 Michael Do you sometimes have a drink to celebrate a special occasion or mark a holiday?
21303 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3459 Meredith Obviously.
21304 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3459 Michael Have you ever under the influence of alcohol questioned the teachings of the Mormon church?
21305 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3459 Oscar Where did you get this?
21306 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3459 Michael I got it on a website, that's not important.
21307 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3459 Toby Michael, We should contact some experts. You don't know what your doing.
21308 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3459 Michael Okay, you know what Toby? One of my employees is undergoing a crisis and I wish for just once you would take my side on this. I'm doing your job man. Hey, are you texting?
21309 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3459 Kelly Yeah, 'cause this is kind of a drag.
21310 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3459 Michael Alcohol is a drag. Yes. Here's what I'd like to do. I'd like to go around the room and have us each express to Meredith how her alcoholism has affected us. I'll begin. This Christmas party is perhaps the best Christmas party I have ever been to, but then you got so drunk that we had to stop and do this. That's how your drinking affected me. Anybody else? Another time when Meredith's drinking affected you? Come on people. If we don't say anything she's not going to get any better. Yes, Kevin.
21311 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3459 Kevin Well, Meredith, there was that one time you bought movie tickets and then you got too drunk to go, so you gave them to me. And that was really cool.
21312 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3459 Michael That's-- you didn't-- you weren't hurt by that.
21313 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3459 Kevin Yeah, you said affected by it. Thanks again, Meredith.
21314 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3459 Meredith You're welcome.
21315 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3459 Michael Okay, no, that's not what we're going for. Who has a problem with Meredith's drinking? It has to bother you. It bothers me. Right? How does it bother you? Dwight, don't you have anything?
21316 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3459 Dwight No, I like Meredith.
21317 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3460 Dwight Actually, I don't care for Meredith, but I don't believe in this kind of thing. In the Schrute family we believe in a five fingered intervention. Awareness, education, control, acceptance and punching.
21318 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3461 Michael Who is going to tell us the latest dirty joke? Who is going to tell us what you watched on television last night?
21319 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3461 Meredith I am fine.
21320 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3461 Michael Was John Belushi fine? Was Bob Hope fine? Hey-- come here. If anything ever happened to you, I would be very angry at myself for not doing all that I could do.
21321 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3461 Meredith I know I drink. I like to party
21322 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3461 Michael I want you to say I'm an alcoholic.
21323 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3461 Meredith I am not an alcoholic!
21324 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3461 Michael You can say it as loudly as you want, but we're not going to believe you.
21325 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3462 Phyllis I was waiting until later to hand out this years gifts from corporate. I don't think they're appropriate anymore.
21326 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3463 Angela Please stop making me do these things.
21327 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3463 Phyllis Oh, sorry, it's your job.
21328 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3463 Angela But it's the season of mercy.
21329 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3463 Phyllis You never showed me mercy when you were in charge. Why aren't you wearing the hairnet?
21330 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3463 Angela I lost it.
21331 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3463 Phyllis Ok... nice.
21332 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3464 Meredith I don't mind telling you that I have an addiction. I do. To p0rn.
21333 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3464 Michael Alright, no, no, no. No. That is the image, I think we can all agree is very disgusting. But you know what, Meredith, you lit your hair on fire today. What about tomorrow.? What is going to happen when you come into work and you're dead?
21334 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3464 Dwight I stab her in the brain with a wooden stick.
21335 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3465 Dwight There are several ways to kill a zombie, but the most satisfying one is to stab it in the brain with a wooden stick.
21336 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3466 Michael Everyone in this room loves you, but mark my words, we are not going to support your alcoholism anymore. The next time you light yourself on fire we are not going to help put you out.
21337 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3466 Dwight Oh, as fire marshal I would have to.
21338 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3466 Michael Dwight--
21339 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3466 Dwight She is a hazard to the other people of the office.
21340 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3466 Michael ...okay.
21341 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3466 Dwight I suppose I could do it if it was a controlled burn in a well ventilated area.
21342 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3466 Jim Yeah, but you're gonna need a permit for that.
21343 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3466 Dwight Oh right, that'll take a couple of weeks.
21344 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3466 Creed I can get you one in an hour.
21345 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3466 Dwight Really?
21346 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3466 Toby Okay you know, this-- this is over.
21347 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3466 Stanley I agree.
21348 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3466 Jim Michael, I think... you did the best you could, but this is bigger than all of us.
21349 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3466 Michael Enabler! Enabler, enabler, enabler, enabler, enabler. It's Christmas and we are turning our back on somebody who is asking for help.
21350 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3467 Michael You know what the only thing I want for Christmas? I want Meredith to get better. That's my only wish. But you know what? My wishes never come true, so I'm not going to wish that on her. I-- a watch would be nice.
21351 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3468 Jim They've been in there for 45 minutes.
21352 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3468 Pam I know. If she wasn't an alcoholic before, she is now.
21353 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3469 Phyllis That's a halwa shabkia cookie. They serve it during Ramadan.
21354 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3469 Stanley Mmmm... chewy.
21355 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3470 Jim Hey.
21356 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3470 Andy What's up?
21357 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3470 Jim Do you take requests?
21358 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3470 Andy Sure.
21359 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3470 Jim Please stop. People are having a Christmas party.
21360 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3471 Michael I'll be down in a minute. Could you write down the number of that rehabilitation center that you mentioned?
21361 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3471 Toby Sure. Wow. Ow...
21362 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3472 Meredith We just missed Poor Richards.
21363 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3472 Michael We did?
21364 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3472 Meredith Yeah, I thought we were going out for a drink?
21365 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3472 Michael Oh, shoot. Oh well, we'll have to go someplace else then I guess.
21366 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3472 Meredith The Bog? Cooper's, Kelly's...
21367 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3472 Michael We could go there, sure.
21368 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3472 Meredith ...Brixx's, Carmen's...
21369 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3472 Michael Yes, yes.
21370 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3472 Meredith ...The Fort, Andy Gavin's.
21371 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3472 Michael I have a new place.
21372 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3472 Meredith Well, it must have just opened up.
21373 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3472 Michael It-- yep, recently.
21374 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3472 Meredith Yeah... all right.
21375 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3472 Michael All right.
21376 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3472 Meredith Enough of this Christmas crap. Let's get some party music. Yeah!
21377 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3472 Michael Yeah, oh there you go.
21378 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3472 Meredith Yeah!
21379 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3472 Michael That's good.
21380 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3472 Meredith Yeah that's better.
21381 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3472 Michael We're party girls.
21382 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3473 Toby Hey Sasha, it's daddy. Have you ever heard of this doll , Princess Unicorn?
21383 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3473 Sasha Daddy, daddy, daddy!!
21384 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3473 Toby No, No, No. No, I'm just curious if you've heard of it.
21385 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3474 Toby This is great. My ex-wife's going to be so pissed. For once daddy's gonna be a hero.
21386 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3475 Dwight 200
21387 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3475 Darryl Yo.
21388 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3475 Toby Hey, I'd like to buy one of your dolls.
21389 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3475 Dwight Oh, that's my last one.
21390 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3475 Toby Oh, no, I-- no, no, I was gonna buy that doll.
21391 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3475 Darryl Thanks man.
21392 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3475 Toby I was-- I was gonna get the doll.
21393 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3475 Dwight Not my problem.
21394 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3475 Toby But I-- I promised my daughter. Darryl, look-- I-- I need the doll, I need the doll. I-- I'm-- I'm begging you. I just-- I need it more than anything in this world. I need this doll. Darryl, man I need this doll.
21395 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3475 Darryl All right man, don't cry. It's cool. I'll let you get it for $400.
21396 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3475 Toby I only have $200.
21397 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3475 Darryl You can owe me.
21398 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3475 Toby Oh man, thanks, thank you, thank you, thank you.
21399 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3475 Darryl I know, right. Merry Christmas.
21400 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3475 Toby Oh thanks. She's gonna... oh...
21401 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3475 Darryl Something wrong with the doll?
21402 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3475 Toby No. It's even-- it's even better than the one I wanted.
21403 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3476 Meredith Sunrise Rehab? No! No! No! I told you no! There is no way!
21404 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3476 Michael It's okay. It's all right.
21405 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3476 Meredith No way! There is no way! No way!
21406 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3476 Michael Meredith, we are doing this for your own good. Okay. Come on--
21407 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3476 Meredith No way! No way! There is no way!
21408 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3476 Michael Here we go. This is gonna be good.
21409 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3476 Meredith No! No way! I told you. We talked about this. There is absolutely no way. No! No! There is no way! No! No! I am not going in there! I am not going in there!
21410 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3476 Michael Yes you are.
21411 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3476 Meredith I am not going in there! NO!!
21412 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3476 Meredith Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Just wait! Just wait!
21413 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3476 Michael Shhh... just calm down.
21414 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3476 Meredith Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! No! No!
21415 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3476 Michael Come on. Shh...
21416 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3476 Meredith No! No! No! There is no way! There is no way!
21417 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3476 Michael Here's the door. Here's the door.
21418 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3476 Meredith There is no way! There is no way! No! No!
21419 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3476 Michael Let's start meeting-- Hello. How are you?
21420 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3476 Meredith This man is crazy! This man is crazy!
21421 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3476 Rehab Nurse Can I help you?
21422 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3476 Michael I have a deposit. Alcoholic.
21423 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3476 Meredith No! No! No! No! No!
21424 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3476 Michael So do I sign?
21425 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3476 Meredith NO!!!
21426 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3477 Phyllis I need you to put the Christmas tree back up.
21427 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3477 Angela It's outside.
21428 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3477 Phyllis I didn't ask you where it was. I told you where it needs to be.
21429 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3477 Angela Shut up.
21430 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3477 Phyllis Excuse me?
21431 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3477 Angela I'm not moving the tree. Face it. The only power you have over me is this big secret that I know you're not going to tell. And you want to know how I know that? Because then you won't be able to plan your stupid, tacky parties anymore. So you move the tree.
21432 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3477 Phyllis Okay. Angela's having s*x with Dwight. I caught them doing it after Toby's going away party.
21433 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3477 Dwight Well don't look so surprised.
21434 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3478 Pam I knew it.
21435 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3478 Jim You did not know it.
21436 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3478 Pam I knew some of it.
21437 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3478 Jim Everyone knew some of it.
21438 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3478 Pam It's Christmas.
21439 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3478 Jim You knew it.
21440 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3478 Pam Thank you. I knew it.
21441 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3478 Jim She knew it.
21442 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3479 Michael As it turns out you can't just check someone into rehab against their will. They have to do it voluntarily. They have to hit rock bottom. So I think I know what I need to do at this point. I need to find ways to push Meredith to the bottom. Um... I think I can do it. I did it with Jan.
21443 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3480 Andy All right, everybody's still here. Perfect! Got a little surprise I've been working on. Angela, my bride, I just wanted you to know that for the rest of our lives, no matter the cultural milieu, I will always be there to bring you Christmas cheer. Deck the halls with boughs of holly. Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la. Tis the season to be jolly. Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la. Don we now our gay apparel. Fa-la-la-la-la-LA. Troll the little Yule tide carol. Roo-di-di-di-do. Roododododo.
21444 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3480 Angela I think I'd like to go home now.
21445 5 11 Moroccan Christmas 3480 Andy Sure. Dooo. Tough room. Come on. I just learned it. Just so you know protocol is a little round of applause. But, Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
21446 5 12 The Duel 3481 Pam Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. I'm sorry, he's not in yet. Would you like his voicemail?
21447 5 12 The Duel 3481 Michael Yeah! Yeah! Yeah, okay! Twelve miles an hour. Eat that, Carl Lewis!
21448 5 12 The Duel 3482 Pam Angela made several 911 calls about cars going too fast in front of the building, so the police put up a radar gun. It's actually caused a bit of a traffic hazard.
21449 5 12 The Duel 3483 Dwight Aah!
21450 5 12 The Duel 3483 Phyllis Wow, thirteen!
21451 5 12 The Duel 3483 Dwight Yes!
21452 5 12 The Duel 3483 Michael No. No, no. There was wind.
21453 5 12 The Duel 3483 Dwight I was just jogging.
21454 5 12 The Duel 3483 Michael Dwight, there was wind. I want a do-over.
21455 5 12 The Duel 3483 Jim No, no, no, it's not your turn. All right, thirteen is the new number. Oscar, go ahead.
21456 5 12 The Duel 3483 Michael I want another try. Here we go! Thirty-one! Thirty-one!
21457 5 12 The Duel 3483 Stanley There was a car.
21458 5 12 The Duel 3483 Michael I was ahead of the car. Thirty-one is my new number.
21459 5 12 The Duel 3483 Oscar Thirty-one is humanly impossible.
21460 5 12 The Duel 3483 Michael Go, Oscar. Thirty-one's my number.
21461 5 12 The Duel 3483 Oscar That's impossible.
21462 5 12 The Duel 3483 Michael Beat it!
21463 5 12 The Duel 3484 Michael Today's a big day. My presence has been requested by Chief Financial Officer, David Wallace. He says that he wants to talk about big picture stuff. And, I'll be honest, I have little or no idea what that means, so... probably bad.
21464 5 12 The Duel 3485 Pam Quick announcement: new year, new candy.
21465 5 12 The Duel 3485 Kevin Whoo-hoo!
21466 5 12 The Duel 3485 Pam Okay, be careful, Kevin. They're kind of spicy.
21467 5 12 The Duel 3485 Kevin Hot tamales.
21468 5 12 The Duel 3485 Pam Yeah.
21469 5 12 The Duel 3485 Kevin Uh oh.
21470 5 12 The Duel 3485 Pam So, maybe just try one at first, and then if it's okay, have a couple more...
21471 5 12 The Duel 3485 Andy Excuse me, everyone, can I have the floor please? Um, this is insanely awkward. It's kind of the elephant in the room, so I'll just... No one has RSVP'ed to our wedding yet, and the deadline was yesterday.
21472 5 12 The Duel 3485 Michael Wait, you still don't know...
21473 5 12 The Duel 3485 Jim No, no. Nope.
21474 5 12 The Duel 3485 Andy Hmm?
21475 5 12 The Duel 3485 Jim Nothing.
21476 5 12 The Duel 3485 Michael You still don't know.
21477 5 12 The Duel 3485 Jim Why don't... Let's...
21478 5 12 The Duel 3485 Michael What are you doing?
21479 5 12 The Duel 3485 Jim How about we just... Just have to talk to you for a second...
21480 5 12 The Duel 3485 Michael Andy.
21481 5 12 The Duel 3485 Jim Ahh!
21482 5 12 The Duel 3485 Andy No, no one has RSVP'ed, and I don't understand it, and now, you're shutting me out. You're not even listening. That's really considerate. Thank you.
21483 5 12 The Duel 3485 Michael No, what I'm saying is...
21484 5 12 The Duel 3485 Jim No, no.
21485 5 12 The Duel 3485 Michael No, that's not it.
21486 5 12 The Duel 3485 Jim I know.
21487 5 12 The Duel 3486 Jim Andy still doesn't know that Angela's having an affair with Dwight. And it's been seventeen days. I mean, eventually he'll figure it out, when their kids have giant heads and beet-stained teeth. But right now it's just... awkward.
21488 5 12 The Duel 3487 Michael How can he still not know?
21489 5 12 The Duel 3487 Jim We can't figure that out.
21490 5 12 The Duel 3487 Michael I can't take it anymore.
21491 5 12 The Duel 3487 Dwight Wait, what? You can't take what?
21492 5 12 The Duel 3487 Michael I am telling Andy.
21493 5 12 The Duel 3487 Dwight No. You can't do that. It shouldn't come from you.
21494 5 12 The Duel 3487 Michael Who should it come from, then?
21495 5 12 The Duel 3487 Everyone Angela.
21496 5 12 The Duel 3487 Michael Are you still having intercourse with her?
21497 5 12 The Duel 3487 Oscar What is wrong with you? She is engaged.
21498 5 12 The Duel 3487 Michael Did you ever have intercourse in this office?
21499 5 12 The Duel 3487 Oscar Are you serious? Ugh. Where? Where? Where, Dwight?
21500 5 12 The Duel 3487 Dwight Seems like you already know where.
21501 5 12 The Duel 3488 Angela Kevin, you screwed this form up again. The amount owed goes at the top.
21502 5 12 The Duel 3488 Kevin Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was doing something wrong. If I had, I would've admitted it, and stopped right away.
21503 5 12 The Duel 3488 Angela That's enough.
21504 5 12 The Duel 3488 Kevin Because I wouldn't want an innocent person, who doesn't know anything about the form... What?
21505 5 12 The Duel 3488 Oscar That was good... It's just, at the end you weren't saying something that could also apply to the form.
21506 5 12 The Duel 3488 Kevin How about, "I'm sorry I did such a whorish job filling out this form?"
21507 5 12 The Duel 3488 Oscar There you go.
21508 5 12 The Duel 3489 Andy That cannot be true! You're going to charge me a fee to cut my own cake? Uh, no. No, no, no. What I'm saying is, I want to cut it myself...
21509 5 12 The Duel 3489 Dwight Trade seats with me.
21510 5 12 The Duel 3489 Jim No.
21511 5 12 The Duel 3489 Dwight I've got a better angle on Pam. I can see everything.
21512 5 12 The Duel 3489 Jim Please stop.
21513 5 12 The Duel 3489 Dwight I need a soup spoon.
21514 5 12 The Duel 3490 Dwight Rule 17: don't turn your back on bears, men you have wronged, or the dominant turkey during mating season. There are forty rules all Schrute boys must learn before the age of five. Learn your rules. You better learn your rules. If you don't, you'll be eaten in your sleep.
21515 5 12 The Duel 3491 Angela What is it?
21516 5 12 The Duel 3491 Dwight You've got to tell Andy about us.
21517 5 12 The Duel 3491 Angela That is a terrible idea. One of your worst.
21518 5 12 The Duel 3491 Dwight Get it over with. Then we don't have to hide anymore.
21519 5 12 The Duel 3491 Angela You're expanding on your worst idea.
21520 5 12 The Duel 3491 Dwight Do you love me or not?
21521 5 12 The Duel 3491 Angela I've already admitted that I do. Why do you keep making me repeat it?
21522 5 12 The Duel 3491 Dwight Because you're engaged to Andy.
21523 5 12 The Duel 3492 Michael Well?
21524 5 12 The Duel 3492 Dwight Not yet.
21525 5 12 The Duel 3492 Jim When?
21526 5 12 The Duel 3492 Andy When what? When what?
21527 5 12 The Duel 3492 Michael You know this can't go on.
21528 5 12 The Duel 3492 Andy What can't go on?
21529 5 12 The Duel 3492 Michael We have to put an end to this.
21530 5 12 The Duel 3492 Andy Seems like...
21531 5 12 The Duel 3492 Michael Come on.
21532 5 12 The Duel 3492 Andy You guys should... be hearing what I'm saying.
21533 5 12 The Duel 3493 Jim This is really not how this is supposed to happen.
21534 5 12 The Duel 3493 Dwight Angela said she was going to tell him. She's just not ready.
21535 5 12 The Duel 3493 Michael When will she be ready?
21536 5 12 The Duel 3493 Dwight I don't know.
21537 5 12 The Duel 3493 Michael Is she crazy in bed?
21538 5 12 The Duel 3493 Dwight Yes.
21539 5 12 The Duel 3493 Jim Stop. What?
21540 5 12 The Duel 3493 Michael How so, specifically?
21541 5 12 The Duel 3493 Jim Okay, listen.
21542 5 12 The Duel 3493 Dwight Eager.
21543 5 12 The Duel 3493 Jim This shouldn't happen at work.
21544 5 12 The Duel 3493 Dwight And flexible.
21545 5 12 The Duel 3493 Jim And!
21546 5 12 The Duel 3493 Michael Really?
21547 5 12 The Duel 3493 Jim This shouldn't be coming from his boss. And we should also consider the fact that that man has an anger issue.
21548 5 12 The Duel 3493 Michael It's too late.
21549 5 12 The Duel 3493 Jim Well it's not too late, because you haven't done anything.
21550 5 12 The Duel 3493 Michael I am already walking.
21551 5 12 The Duel 3493 Dwight Michael, once this gets out... I don't know how it's going to go down.
21552 5 12 The Duel 3493 Michael Okay, what does that mean?
21553 5 12 The Duel 3493 Dwight Might get ugly.
21554 5 12 The Duel 3493 Michael Jim, this has to get out, so we can all deal with it.
21555 5 12 The Duel 3493 Jim But you're leaving...
21556 5 12 The Duel 3493 Dwight Have a good trip.
21557 5 12 The Duel 3493 Michael Thanks. Andy?
21558 5 12 The Duel 3493 Andy Yeah.
21559 5 12 The Duel 3493 Michael Walk with me.
21560 5 12 The Duel 3493 Andy Will do, boss-man.
21561 5 12 The Duel 3494 Michael Ohh, I do not have much time... car's all the way over there, to tell you what I have to tell you. And just bear in mind when I say... say these things, that... are bad things... that you hear... in your ears... this is something that I, if I were you, that I wouldn't want to hear...
21562 5 12 The Duel 3494 Andy You're not making any sense.
21563 5 12 The Duel 3494 Michael Well... no, I'm not. So I... I'm not very articulate today, so I'll just leave it for another time. Another day.
21564 5 12 The Duel 3494 Andy All righty.
21565 5 12 The Duel 3494 Michael Which will be fine. I am off!
21566 5 12 The Duel 3494 Andy Have a good meeting!
21567 5 12 The Duel 3494 Michael Thank you!
21568 5 12 The Duel 3494 Andy Kick Wallace's ass!
21569 5 12 The Duel 3494 Michael Okay. I will... Dwight and Angela are having an affair, so...
21570 5 12 The Duel 3494 Andy I can't hear you through the glass
21571 5 12 The Duel 3494 Michael Dwight and Angela are having an affair. They've been sleeping together for some time. That was the news. I wanted to let you know.
21572 5 12 The Duel 3494 Andy What?
21573 5 12 The Duel 3494 Michael All right. See you later. Ahh.
21574 5 12 The Duel 3494 Andy Are you serious?
21575 5 12 The Duel 3494 Michael Yep.
21576 5 12 The Duel 3495 Meredith I knew something bad was gonna happen today.
21577 5 12 The Duel 3495 Oscar You said that yesterday.
21578 5 12 The Duel 3495 Meredith Yeah, my neighbor got murdered.
21579 5 12 The Duel 3495 Jim What are you standing for?
21580 5 12 The Duel 3495 Dwight If I'm sitting, I can't disable his neck or his groin.
21581 5 12 The Duel 3495 Jim You're not going to do anything to his neck or his groin.
21582 5 12 The Duel 3495 Dwight If I'm sitting, I don't have the option to.
21583 5 12 The Duel 3495 Jim Dwight, I'm in charge when Michael's gone, and I need you to sit...
21584 5 12 The Duel 3495 Andy I need to talk to you.
21585 5 12 The Duel 3495 Angela We can talk right here.
21586 5 12 The Duel 3495 Andy I need to talk to you in private.
21587 5 12 The Duel 3495 Kevin We're not listening.
21588 5 12 The Duel 3495 Andy Let's go to the conference room.
21589 5 12 The Duel 3496 Andy Is it true?
21590 5 12 The Duel 3496 Angela What have you heard?
21591 5 12 The Duel 3496 Andy That you're sleeping with Dwight.
21592 5 12 The Duel 3496 Angela That doesn't sound like me.
21593 5 12 The Duel 3496 Andy Is it true?
21594 5 12 The Duel 3496 Angela Andy, I'm engaged to you. I mean, we just signed off on our wedding flowers. Would I have said yes to formal chrysanthemums if I didn't want to get married? And, we went through all that stuff with our wedding cake...
21595 5 12 The Duel 3496 Andy Just answer the question. Are you sleeping with Dwight?
21596 5 12 The Duel 3496 Angela A little bit.
21597 5 12 The Duel 3496 Andy How long has it been going on?
21598 5 12 The Duel 3496 Angela I don't know. I mean, we were together, and then he killed sprinkles, and then we stopped, and... I don't know exactly when we started up again.
21599 5 12 The Duel 3496 Andy Who else knows about it?
21600 5 12 The Duel 3496 Angela Michael.
21601 5 12 The Duel 3496 Andy Who else?
21602 5 12 The Duel 3496 Angela Let me think about it... I, um... there...
21603 5 12 The Duel 3496 Andy Oh God. Come on!
21604 5 12 The Duel 3497 David So listen, Michael, your branch has been doing great lately, and your sales staff is reporting very strong numbers. Out-performing last year, in fact. Um, and I don't know exactly how to put this, but... what are you doing right?
21605 5 12 The Duel 3497 Michael Right what?
21606 5 12 The Duel 3497 David Utica, Albany, all the other branches are struggling, but your branch is reporting strong numbers. Look, you're not our most traditional guy, but clearly, something you are doing... is right. And I just, I need to get a sense of what that is.
21607 5 12 The Duel 3497 Michael David, here it is. My philosophy is basically this. And this is something that I live by. And I always have. And I always will. Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what. No matter... where. Or who, or who you are with, or, or where you are going, or... or where you've been... ever. For any reason, whatsoever.
21608 5 12 The Duel 3498 Michael Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.
21609 5 12 The Duel 3499 Michael This is going to sound sort of high-maintenance, but could we have it, like, three degrees cooler in here? I always think better when it's cooler.
21610 5 12 The Duel 3500 David Here's the thing. Michael is doing something right. And in this economic climate, no method of success can be ignored. It's not really time for executives to start getting judgmental now. It's Hail Mary time.
21611 5 12 The Duel 3500 Michael Hey, what say we order up some pasta?
21612 5 12 The Duel 3500 David What say we do.
21613 5 12 The Duel 3501 Angela Standard, you know? Nothing fancy.
21614 5 12 The Duel 3501 Andy So like, missionary...
21615 5 12 The Duel 3501 Angela I said nothing fancy.
21616 5 12 The Duel 3501 Andy Do you love him?
21617 5 12 The Duel 3501 Angela I love you.
21618 5 12 The Duel 3501 Andy Why should I believe that?
21619 5 12 The Duel 3501 Angela Andy, we are at a crossroads here. And we can either give in to what people are saying that we're not good together.
21620 5 12 The Duel 3501 Andy Who says that?
21621 5 12 The Duel 3501 Angela Or, we can prove them wrong. Let's prove them wrong.
21622 5 12 The Duel 3502 Andy Where's Dwight?
21623 5 12 The Duel 3502 Jim You okay, man?
21624 5 12 The Duel 3502 Andy No. Not at all, actually. But thanks for asking. Appreciate it. You know what? I'd also like to take this opportunity to thank all of you for lying. To my face. And not telling me what's been going on this entire time.
21625 5 12 The Duel 3502 Creed You are welcome.
21626 5 12 The Duel 3502 Andy Dwight.
21627 5 12 The Duel 3502 Dwight Andy.
21628 5 12 The Duel 3502 Andy It's over.
21629 5 12 The Duel 3502 Dwight Oh good. She broke up with you.
21630 5 12 The Duel 3502 Andy No. It's over between you two.
21631 5 12 The Duel 3502 Dwight Uh, no way. I am not giving up.
21632 5 12 The Duel 3502 Andy You have to.
21633 5 12 The Duel 3502 Dwight No I don't.
21634 5 12 The Duel 3502 Andy She doesn't love you. She's marrying me.
21635 5 12 The Duel 3502 Dwight Well I don't know about that, because she certainly seems to enjoy making lovemaking with me.
21636 5 12 The Duel 3502 Andy Angela Bernard.
21637 5 12 The Duel 3502 Dwight Will never be her name.
21638 5 12 The Duel 3502 Andy It will be her name. And you will have to call her that!
21639 5 12 The Duel 3502 Dwight I don't think so.
21640 5 12 The Duel 3502 Jim Hey guys, why don't we, uh, just cool off a bit?
21641 5 12 The Duel 3502 Andy I'm telling you to back down.
21642 5 12 The Duel 3502 Dwight And I'm telling you that I will never back down.
21643 5 12 The Duel 3502 Andy Then I'll make you.
21644 5 12 The Duel 3502 Dwight Oh really? How are you gonna do that?
21645 5 12 The Duel 3502 Andy Through the use of force.
21646 5 12 The Duel 3502 Dwight That is very general, and does not scare me in the slightest.
21647 5 12 The Duel 3502 Andy I will fight you.
21648 5 12 The Duel 3502 Jim Nope.
21649 5 12 The Duel 3502 Dwight Okay, fine! Good! A duel! The winner gets Angela.
21650 5 12 The Duel 3502 Andy Fine!
21651 5 12 The Duel 3502 Dwight Fine!
21652 5 12 The Duel 3502 Oscar This is nuts.
21653 5 12 The Duel 3502 Dwight What is your weapon?
21654 5 12 The Duel 3502 Jim Okay, you know what? That's enough. Because...
21655 5 12 The Duel 3502 Dwight Hey, this is none of your business.
21656 5 12 The Duel 3502 Jim Hey. It is my business when it happens at work.
21657 5 12 The Duel 3502 Andy Guess what? Not happening at work.
21658 5 12 The Duel 3502 Dwight Yes!
21659 5 12 The Duel 3502 Andy We're gonna do it outside.
21660 5 12 The Duel 3502 Dwight Outside of work.
21661 5 12 The Duel 3502 Andy None of your business.
21662 5 12 The Duel 3502 Dwight None of your business then. Good. So what weapon?
21663 5 12 The Duel 3502 Andy My bare hands.
21664 5 12 The Duel 3502 Dwight That is stupid. I will use a sword and I will cut off your bare hands.
21665 5 12 The Duel 3502 Andy Then I'll get something too.
21666 5 12 The Duel 3503 Meredith I've had two men fight over me before. Usually it's over which one gets to hold the camcorder.
21667 5 12 The Duel 3504 Pam Angela, you have to put a stop to this right now.
21668 5 12 The Duel 3504 Angela I will respect the results of the duel.
21669 5 12 The Duel 3504 Pam Of course you will.
21670 5 12 The Duel 3504 Meredith I call loser!
21671 5 12 The Duel 3504 Andy I will be taking my break at 4:00 in the parking lot.
21672 5 12 The Duel 3504 Dwight I will also be talking my break at the exact same time and in the same location.
21673 5 12 The Duel 3504 Andy What a coincidence.
21674 5 12 The Duel 3504 Dwight Mm.
21675 5 12 The Duel 3505 Jim So, I either get more involved, or I take a sick day... leaving Dwight in charge. Oh God.
21676 5 12 The Duel 3506 Dwight How'd that get there?
21677 5 12 The Duel 3506 Meredith There's a star-shaped thing taped under the kitchen table.
21678 5 12 The Duel 3506 Jim Thanks Meredith.
21679 5 12 The Duel 3507 Michael So I was in the office, and I look over to our Accounting division, and there is Kevin Malone. Kevin is wearing a jacket that I've never seen before. And I call over to Kevin, "Kevin, is that a tweed jacket?" And he looks at me and he says, "Michael, yes it is a tweed jacket." And I look back at him and I say, "I feel the need!... The need for tweed."
21680 5 12 The Duel 3507 David It's hard to try and evaluate yourself, Michael, but I appreciate you trying. And thanks for coming in.
21681 5 12 The Duel 3507 Michael Oh, thank you.
21682 5 12 The Duel 3507 David Yes.
21683 5 12 The Duel 3507 Michael I have to say, I am so impressed with the potential you see in me.
21684 5 12 The Duel 3507 David Yeah.
21685 5 12 The Duel 3507 Michael Okay.
21686 5 12 The Duel 3507 David Yeah, finish up.
21687 5 12 The Duel 3508 Dwight Come on! Where are you? Let's do this thing! Come on! Come on out!
21688 5 12 The Duel 3508 Angela I can't believe they're gonna fight over me.
21689 5 12 The Duel 3508 Kelly I guess people have fewer choices as they get older.
21690 5 12 The Duel 3508 Dwight Come on!
21691 5 12 The Duel 3508 Meredith Hey, has anything happened yet?
21692 5 12 The Duel 3508 Dwight Where are you?
21693 5 12 The Duel 3508 Oscar Mm-mm. It's 4:10, I don't think he's gonna show.
21694 5 12 The Duel 3508 Kevin Oh come on, man! Believe in something.
21695 5 12 The Duel 3508 Dwight Come on, coward! Where are you? Where... "From the desk of Andrew Bernard." A note. Pathetic. "Dear Dwight, by now you have received my note. How are you? I am well. You are no doubt wondering why I have left this note. It has come to my attention that in any physical match with you, I would surely be bested." True. "The soft underbelly of my refined upbringing is my soft underbelly..."
21696 5 12 The Duel 3509 Kelly There's Andy, he's in his car. You guys, what is he doing?
21697 5 12 The Duel 3509 Phyllis Why isn't Dwight turning around?
21698 5 12 The Duel 3509 Oscar The Prius is silent if he keeps it under five miles per hour. He deserves the win.
21699 5 12 The Duel 3509 Creed Yeah.
21700 5 12 The Duel 3509 Dwight Alas, after much consideration and deliberation...
21701 5 12 The Duel 3509 Pam Oh my God!
21702 5 12 The Duel 3509 Stanley What's happening?
21703 5 12 The Duel 3509 Phyllis Andy's running over Dwight with his car.
21704 5 12 The Duel 3510 Dwight Whoa! What are you! Hey! Hey!
21705 5 12 The Duel 3510 Andy Yeah.
21706 5 12 The Duel 3510 Everyone watching Oh!
21707 5 12 The Duel 3510 Dwight Come on! Ow! Ah! Aah!
21708 5 12 The Duel 3510 Andy You give up?
21709 5 12 The Duel 3510 Dwight Never! Get out and face me like a man!
21710 5 12 The Duel 3510 Andy I am a man! I'm a bigger man than you'll ever be! I would never sleep with another man's fiance!
21711 5 12 The Duel 3510 Dwight You're not a man! You don't know how to take care of her! All you do is dress fancy and sing. "La la la la la la la la la la!" What does that mean? You can't even protect her!
21712 5 12 The Duel 3510 Andy Protect her from what? Bears, you idiot? When's the last time you saw a damn bear in Scranton?
21713 5 12 The Duel 3510 Dwight Last year, idiot!
21714 5 12 The Duel 3510 Jim Dwight! Are your legs broken?
21715 5 12 The Duel 3510 Dwight No. My right one's falling asleep a little bit.
21716 5 12 The Duel 3510 Jim Andy, are you all right?
21717 5 12 The Duel 3510 Andy Go away, Tuna! I'm winning this!
21718 5 12 The Duel 3510 Dwight Yeah, back off. This isn't your fight. Oh, how much is this gonna cost? Oh! What? Trust fund will take care of that!
21719 5 12 The Duel 3510 Andy What did you say? I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you.
21720 5 12 The Duel 3510 Dwight I sa-
21721 5 12 The Duel 3510 Andy What? You stupid idiot! You're like, you're like a Sasquatch! You live in the woods...
21722 5 12 The Duel 3510 Dwight Sasquatches are the strongest animal on the planet! So fine, call me a Sasquatch!
21723 5 12 The Duel 3510 Andy I don't get it! How can she be sleeping with you this whole time and only sleep with me twice?
21724 5 12 The Duel 3510 Dwight What?
21725 5 12 The Duel 3510 Andy What!
21726 5 12 The Duel 3510 Dwight She's sleeping with you?
21727 5 12 The Duel 3510 Andy I'm her fiance.
21728 5 12 The Duel 3510 Dwight She said she was only sleeping with me.
21729 5 12 The Duel 3511 Andy Yes, hi, my last name is Bernard, and I would like to cancel a wedding cake that I had ordered. B-E-R, N-A, R-D. Yeah, the one shaped like a sailboat... Yep, that's the one.
21730 5 12 The Duel 3511 Andy Thank you.
21731 5 12 The Duel 3512 Michael Wow, what a day! Haha! I thought I was gong to get chewed out, but, hold on! Here's an attaboy for ya! What? Rollercoaster ride! Rollercoaster! It just goes to show, you leave Scranton, exciting things can happen. Ahh!
21732 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3513 Dwight What's this?
21733 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3513 Jim Looks like a red wire.
21734 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3513 Dwight Hmm. It wasn't here before.
21735 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3513 Jim Well it's a computer Dwight, computers have wires.
21736 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3513 Dwight Yours doesn't.
21737 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3513 Jim Doesn't it?
21738 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3513 Dwight No, it's going in a different direction then the other wires.
21739 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3513 Jim Dwight, I am really busy, I can't talk about this anymore.
21740 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3513 Phyllis Dwight, get out of here!
21741 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3513 Stanley What are you doing?
21742 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3514 Jim I got 500 feet of red wire at a flea market up by Dunmore High School. 20 bucks for the whole spool. Crazy, what a deal. Oh he'll be fine. I made it up there.
21743 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3515 Michael What you talking bout, Wallace?
21744 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3515 David Hi Michael how are you?
21745 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3515 Michael Hi, I am well, how are you?
21746 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3515 David So listen, as you know, we haven't yet filled the regional supervisor job.
21747 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3515 Michael Oh, have you not?
21748 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3515 David Correct. And I was wondering if I could get you to do some of the field work that would normally go to the supervisor . There is an area from Carbondale to Marshbrook, where we have never done any business.
21749 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3515 Michael Yeah.
21750 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3515 David There is a small company there, Prince Paper. I can't get a report on it because it's not a public company. But we have been talking about going after their market, so I was hoping you could do some fact finding for me.
21751 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3515 Michael Okay.
21752 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3515 David I'll fax over some of the things we're looking for.
21753 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3515 Michael Fax, why don't you just send it over on a dinosaur?
21754 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3515 David Look, this is important, Michael.
21755 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3515 Michael Oh, well, then, email it to me.
21756 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3516 Phyllis You've got no taste Stanley Hudson.
21757 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3516 Stanley Oh, I do.
21758 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3516 Andy What are you guys talking about?
21759 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3516 Stanley Some actress, whether shes hot.
21760 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3516 Andy Who is the gal in question?
21761 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3516 Phyllis Hillary Swank.
21762 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3516 Creed Ah, Hillary Swank.
21763 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3517 Kevin Not at all.
21764 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3517 Meredith She's got mean eyes.
21765 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3517 Pam Have you seen her with her bangs?
21766 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3517 Kevin She looks like a monster.
21767 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3517 Jim Guys, she is a beautiful movie star, so maybe we should just go to work.
21768 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3517 Meredith She is an amazing actress.
21769 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3517 Kevin That is not the question.
21770 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3517 Phyllis She's not hot.
21771 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3517 Kevin Yeah, thank you Phyllis.
21772 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3517 Jim Okay, okay, okay. Why don't we just put this to a vote, and then we'll be done with it.
21773 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3517 Angela I'm not voting.
21774 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3517 Jim No one cares. Who thinks that Hillary Swank is hot, raise your hand. Okay, and who thinks Hillary Swank is not hot, raise your hand.
21775 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3517 Kevin Five. Five to five.
21776 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3517 Jim Thank you, accounting department.
21777 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3517 Kevin So what do we do now?
21778 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3518 Dwight What if the owner of Prince Family Paper has a beautiful daughter and we have to seduce her in order to get their secrets?
21779 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3518 Michael I will seduce her.
21780 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3518 Dwight No, I wanna seduce her.
21781 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3518 Michael No, I will seduce her.
21782 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3518 Dwight Please Michael, please.
21783 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3518 Michael No, I got it.
21784 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3518 Dwight You'll fall in love with her.
21785 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3518 Michael Yeah, so what if I did? That would take precedence and I would expect your support.
21786 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3518 Dwight Okay, let's go over the plan again.
21787 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3518 Michael Alright, I am a local business owner. I need to buy paper. I find out everything about their prices and policies
21788 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3518 Dwight Your fictitious name?
21789 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3518 Michael Michael Scarn.
21790 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3518 Dwight I am a paper salesman looking for a new job. I find out everything about their expenses and salaries.
21791 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3518 Michael Okay.
21792 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3518 Dwight Then we meet at the Denny's...
21793 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3518 Michael No.
21794 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3518 Dwight ...and then we compare notes.
21795 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3518 Michael No, no, I never said Denny's. IHOP.
21796 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3518 Dwight No!
21797 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3518 Dwight You know how I feel about IHOP.
21798 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3518 Michael Oh, don't start,
21799 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3518 Dwight Are you socialist?
21800 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3518 Michael You know what? I don't want to get into this debate again. I enjoy IHOP.
21801 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3518 Dwight I'll have a cup of a coffee.
21802 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3518 Michael You will have pancakes and you'll like it.
21803 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3519 Dwight Store only has three employees.
21804 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3519 Michael So what?
21805 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3519 Dwight It means they are not expanding.
21806 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3519 Michael Maybe they are shrinking.
21807 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3519 Dwight No.
21808 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3519 Michael They could be shrinking.
21809 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3519 Dwight No because their sign is centered perfectly above their store. No sign of the sign being moved.
21810 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3519 Michael Ah ha Yup.
21811 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3519 Dwight Its lunch time, and no sign of anyone coming in or out. Which means they are not taking new customers out to lunch.
21812 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3519 Michael Mm hmm .
21813 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3519 Dwight Which Means they're not acquiring new business. So once again no growth.
21814 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3519 Michael And there are clouds. There are clouds in the sky, which means gonna rain, bad for business.
21815 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3519 Dwight Oh, it would if they were all cumulous and not cirrostratus.
21816 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3519 Michael Argh, why are you all...
21817 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3519 Dwight Get your clouds right.
21818 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3519 Michael Shut up.
21819 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3519 Dwight So you go in now, I am going to go in exactly ten minutes. We have never met each other. We are complete strangers. Also, we are going to need a signal to bolt out of there if there is danger. Lick ur lips, try it. No, no like this. Good.
21820 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3519 Michael Ready to do this?
21821 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3519 Dwight Yeah.
21822 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3519 Michael Good. Here come the sharks.
21823 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3520 Michael In nature, there is something called a food chain; it's where the shark eats a little shark. And the little shark eats a littler shark. And so on and so on. Until you get down to the single cell shark. So now replace sharks with paper companies and that is all you need to know about business.
21824 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3521 Michael Hello.
21825 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3521 Entire Prince family Hello, hi.
21826 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3521 Michael My name is Michael Scarn. I am a local business owner and I would like to find out about your company.
21827 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3521 Prince Grandfather Oh, please come in
21828 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3521 Michael Thank you.
21829 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3521 Prince Grandfather What kind of business are you in.
21830 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3521 Michael We are a law firm.
21831 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3521 Prince Grandfather I assume your primary paper needs are stationary, general office.
21832 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3521 Michael You know, I will be honest with you... about something. Where we used to live, our paper supplier had a lot of big clients and I just didn't feel like a priority. So I guess my question for you would be how many clients do you have?
21833 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3521 Prince Grandfather About 80.
21834 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3521 Michael Really? That many? This doesn't seem like a very big operation.
21835 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3521 Prince Grandfather It's just me, my wife and my son.
21836 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3521 Michael Ah, so when did you set up shop?
21837 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3521 Prince Grandfather I opened this place after I came back from Vietnam.
21838 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3521 Michael Oh Vietnam, I hear it's lovely .
21839 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3521 Prince Grandfather Mmhmm.
21840 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3522 Andy Each side will have three minutes to prepare opening arguments. Topic: Hillary Swank is attractive.
21841 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3522 Entire office Hot!
21842 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3522 Kevin The debate is whether she is hot.
21843 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3522 Stanley What difference does it make? Attractive, beautiful, hot, we're talking about the same thing here.
21844 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3522 Kevin Huge difference. A painting can be beautiful, but I don't want to bang a painting.
21845 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3522 Andy Okay, TMI.
21846 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3523 Michael So, even specialty paper, say 94 brightness double-bonded, you would put that on the same truck as your conventional stock?
21847 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3523 Prince Grandfather You sure know a lot about paper for a lawyer.
21848 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3523 Michael Well that is... because... I am a genius.
21849 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3523 Prince Grandfather Oh really?
21850 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3523 Michael Yes, well about some things, and other things I am very stupid. Like, watch this. Is this the cup? Is this the cup? Is this what I drink out of? Laughter is my job, tears are my game, law is my profession.
21851 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3523 Dwight Hello, I would like to apply for a job.
21852 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3523 Prince Grandfather Hi, I'm afraid we're not hiring right now.
21853 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3523 Dwight Why don't you just get rid of this guy?
21854 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3523 Prince Grandfather That's my son.
21855 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3523 Dwight I'm your son now; you can visit him on holidays. Dwight Schrute, I'm a paper salesman at a second tier paper company called Dunder Mifflin. I'm the top salesman there and I'm looking for a new challenge. I would say you guys have what, 40 high full volume clients?
21856 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3523 Michael Try 80.
21857 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3523 Dwight Pshaw, that's nothing. I've 90 clients myself. You had better look out, someone might run you out of business.
21858 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3523 Prince Grandfather I sure hope not.
21859 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3523 Dwight Me too.
21860 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3524 Jim I think all of us have a tendency to view celebrities as sort of mythical figures, you know? We don't really see them as real so therefore we don't judge them as real people.
21861 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3524 Kevin Are you serious? Jim, just show us a picture.
21862 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3524 Oscar Kevin, c'mon.
21863 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3524 Kelly Yeah, shut up Kevin.
21864 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3524 Kevin He's making all these fancy, uh, it's a gut thing.
21865 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3524 Jim Kevin, you know what, why don't you close your eyes? Imagine that Hilary Swank comes into this office for real and she walks over to you and says Kevin Malone, I just read your online profile and there is nothing I would rather do then make out with you right now. And now you tell me something, is she hot? Does that end the debate?
21866 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3524 Kevin No, it's is she hot, not would you do her. Respect the game.
21867 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3524 Angela Oh my God.
21868 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3524 Jim This close.
21869 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3525 Prince Grandfather: So why are you considering leaving Dunder Mifflin?
21870 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3525 Dwight My boss, his insensitivity might border on cruel. This is a man who does not listen to the needs his underlings.
21871 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3525 Michael Hey, hey, how is your interview going?
21872 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3525 Dwight It's going very well.
21873 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3525 Michael Don't blow it. Hey Linda, can I get a picture of you?
21874 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3525 Linda You want a picture of me?
21875 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3525 Michael I would, could you just stand over here? That would be great Just a little something to remember the trip by. A little to your left
21876 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3525 Linda Can I get a copy of that?
21877 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3525 Prince Granddaughter Grandma, I can't do this.
21878 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3525 Michael What's going on? Little homework over here? Lets see if I can help. Huh, math, that's not so hard. Ok. There are 4 of these, ignore the parenthesis, right?
21879 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3525 Prince Granddaughter Right.
21880 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3525 Michael Why is this little 2 so small? It's, it's weird, you don't, you just go by the x. The x means times. 4 times x 2. What is double 4?
21881 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3525 Prince Granddaughter 8
21882 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3525 Michael Excellent! Way to go! Nice!
21883 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3525 Prince Grandmother Don't put that.
21884 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3526 Kevin Ladies and gentlemen, even though the pen1s was fake, I was expecting a second plot twist where we found out Hilary Swank was a boy.
21885 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3526 Pam Kevin!
21886 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3526 Angela Ok, I wasn't going to dignify this discussion by getting involved, but I don't even get the discussion, hot is a temperature people. But Kevin deserves to lose for what he said, so, yes, she's hot, she's hot as heck, she's a female Boris Becker.
21887 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3526 Jim OH!
21888 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3527 Michael Oh, well thank you very much for all of your help. It's going to be an incredibly hard decision.
21889 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3527 Prince Grandfather Wait; let me get something for you. Here is some, some references. Here is a list of references, our top clients. You call any of them; I trust you will hear some good things.
21890 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3527 Michael I... Okay, okay, okay, alright, thank you.
21891 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3527 Dwight Excuse me sir, I took the bus here and was wondering if I could catch a ride home with you in your car.
21892 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3527 Michael Of course. Thank you very much. Thanks for your time.
21893 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3527 Dwight Thank you very much.
21894 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3527 Michael I cannot wait to contact your clients.
21895 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3527 Dwight Thank you for your time I look forward to getting your calls.
21896 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3527 Prince Grandfather Bye bye now. So long.
21897 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3527 Dwight, Michael Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
21898 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3527 Michael Haha, we struck the mother load!
21899 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3527 Dwight Cmon.
21900 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3527 Michael Wallace is going to freak.
21901 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3527 Dwight All their top clients I can't believe it.
21902 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3527 Michael He's going to absolutely freak.
21903 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3527 Dwight Someone's looking out the window. Go go, Peel out, go.
21904 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3527 Michael Oh shoot.
21905 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3527 Dwight You drove over that. Go back
21906 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3527 Michael Oh God, what was that?
21907 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3527 Dwight That's not good.
21908 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3528 Kelly No, no, no no. Shes hot, okay? Because if you are saying Hillary Swank isn't hot, then you are saying that I am not hot. Because obviously I am not as hot as Hillary Swank!
21909 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3529 Dwight Oh my God.
21910 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3529 Michael Aw, it's alright.
21911 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3529 Dwight Oh man,
21912 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3529 Michael Aw, my car.
21913 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3529 Dwight Not good.
21914 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3529 Prince Grandfather Is everyone okay?
21915 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3529 Prince Grandmother It sounded bad.
21916 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3529 Dwight Yeah.
21917 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3529 Michael No no, we are fine. You have done enough already.
21918 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3529 Dwight You've done more then you can possibly know.
21919 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3529 Michael Just, shut up. You know we are just going to call a tow truck, so...
21920 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3529 Prince Grandfather A tow truck is going to charge you one hundred bucks to take you a mile. Let me take a look.
21921 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3529 Michael No, no, really not necessary.
21922 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3529 Dwight He drove over the divider and then backed over it and caused the..
21923 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3529 Prince Grandfather I'll be right back I'm just going to grab my tool box.
21924 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3530 Pam Ladies, are we prepared to let the Kevins of the world decide anything for us? Anything at all? We don't even give him full internet access.
21925 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3530 Kevin Wait, what?
21926 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3531 Oscar See that, the obvious symmetry of the face? That's a natural appeal of the scientific standard of coin aphelia, features that are a composite average of many features. Yes, she is attractive, but is not hot.
21927 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3532 Dwight How much longer is this going to take?
21928 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3532 Michael You know let me give you some money for this.
21929 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3532 Prince Son No, I work at a desk all day, its nice working with my hands.
21930 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3532 Michael Oh coffee, that's too much.
21931 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3532 Dwight This is disgusting, what is it this, instant?
21932 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3532 Prince Grandfather Well that outta do it.
21933 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3532 Prince Granddaughter Its all better.
21934 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3532 Michael Thank you.
21935 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3532 Prince Grandfather Gosh, well so long.
21936 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3532 Dwight I look forward to hearing from you about that job application.
21937 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3532 Michael Ok, goodbye Prince Family.
21938 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3532 Dwight Goodbye prince family, should be called the Sucker family. Here you go shark, let me fix your fin for you and sharpen your teeth while I'm at it. Bye bye.
21939 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3533 Jim I'm saying, all I'm saying is Kevin is not necessarily a feminist, is all I'm saying.
21940 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3533 Pam No, because...
21941 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3533 Michael Dwight, what will happen to that family if I call David and give him this information?
21942 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3533 Dwight Its simple, David would use that information to destroy them.
21943 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3533 Michael Ok. You know, our sales are fine. We're doing fine. They're doing fine.
21944 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3533 Dwight They could do better.
21945 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3533 Michael Why don't we just, live and let live?
21946 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3533 Dwight What?
21947 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3533 Michael Live and let live.
21948 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3533 Dwight I'm not familiar with that expression,
21949 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3533 Michael It's from James Bond.
21950 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3533 Dwight It doesn't make sense, of course I'm alive.
21951 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3533 Michael I'm not going to make this call.
21952 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3533 Dwight Michael, you have to. Have you ever seen a lioness devour its cub? Have you ever seen a baboon devour its mate? Have you ever seen a raccoon devour a squirrel?
21953 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3533 Michael My heart says...
21954 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3533 Dwight Your heart is a wonderful thing, Michael. But it has made some terrible decisions.
21955 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3533 Michael That is true.
21956 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3533 Dwight Yes.
21957 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3533 Michael That is true. We have gone down the wrong path many many times.
21958 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3533 Dwight Yeah.
21959 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3533 Michael Jan... Ryan.
21960 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3533 Dwight Yeah, save your heart for love, and use your brain for business, right? If we don't do this to prince paper, someone else will. Worse yet, someone else will do it to us.
21961 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3534 Stanley I am trying to be more optimistic in life. I've got what, 20 or 30 years left. And my family history says I have less. Now, the old Stanley Hudson would have found something wrong this actress. But that is no way to live life. Look at this healthy sexy pretty strong young woman. C'mon people! She is hot.
21962 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3535 Dwight There was a terrible war, ugh, so many died. Far too many died. But if Frodo hadn't destroyed the ring, then goodness itself might have died.
21963 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3535 Michael You're right.
21964 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3535 Dwight Yeah.
21965 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3535 Michael You are right. I will call David and give him the customer list and I will give him all my info.
21966 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3535 Dwight Good, so, where are you going?
21967 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3535 Michael Just something I have to do first.
21968 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3535 Dwight Where are you taking the client list?
21969 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3535 Michael Somewhere safe, where it can't hurt anyone
21970 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3535 Dwight Michael, Michael, no. Michael, give that. Michael, don't do this. No.
21971 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3535 Michael Oh shoot!
21972 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3535 Dwight Freeze, give me the list!
21973 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3535 Dwight No no no, I can't let you do this!
21974 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3535 Michael Those people will be ruined.
21975 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3535 Dwight Its business, not personal.
21976 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3535 Michael Give it, give it. We can't do this to those people.
21977 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3535 Dwight Its over, Michael, its over.
21978 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3535 Michael Im not a shark.
21979 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3536 Andy Okay, it is time for the final votes. All of those in favor of resolution Hillary Swank is hot? Okay. And all those opposed?
21980 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3536 Kevin This is ridiculous.
21981 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3536 Oscar That's the thing about debating, you're just going to get people more entrenched in the view they had in the first place.
21982 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3537 David This is good stuff Michael. You are a titan of industry pal.
21983 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3537 Michael Mpfh.
21984 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3537 David Good work.
21985 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3537 Michael Thank you.
21986 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3537 David Look I'll be in touch, thanks buddy.
21987 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3537 Michael Okay, bye bye.
21988 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3537 Dwight Guess whose stock just went up, golden boy?
21989 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3537 Michael I guess this is what they call a bittersweet moment. It is bitter because I slightly destroyed a wonderful little family. But sweet because David Wallace thought I did a good job. That's what I hate bittersweet chocolate. I don't even... what's the point of that? Why not just sweet? Who are you helping?
21990 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3538 Michael Oh, hey what is this?
21991 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3538 Pam Hillary swank.
21992 5 13 Prince Family Paper 3538 Michael Oh, she is hot.
21993 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3539 Dwight Last week I gave a fire safety talk. And nobody paid any attention. It's my own fault for using PowerPoint. PowerPoint is boring. People learn in a lot of different ways, but experience is the best teacher. Today, smoking is gonna save lives.
21994 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Dwight Does anyone smell anything smoky?
21995 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Angela Did you bring your jerky in again?
21996 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Pam Oh, my God! Uh, Oh my God!
21997 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Phyllis What--
21998 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Andy Whoa, fire!
21999 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Dwight Oh, fire! Oh my goodness! What's the procedure? What do we do, people?
22000 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Pam The phones are dead.
22001 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Dwight Oh, how did that happen?
22002 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Kevin It's out in the hall.
22003 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Dwight No, we don't know that. The smoke could be coming through an air duct.
22004 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Michael Oh my God! Okay, it happening. Everybody stay calm.
22005 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Dwight What's the procedure, everyone? What's the procedure?
22006 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Michael Stay calm!
22007 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Dwight Wait, wait, wait.
22008 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Michael Everyone, now calm down!
22009 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Dwight No! No, Michael! No! Touch the handle. If it's hot, there could be a fire in the hallway.
22010 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Michael What does warm mean?
22011 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Everyone Oh my God.
22012 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Dwight Not a viable option.
22013 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Pam Try a different door.
22014 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Dwight Okay, what's next?
22015 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Michael Don't run.
22016 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Dwight Oh! Here's a door. Check that one out. How's the handle?
22017 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Andy It-- it's warm.
22018 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Dwight Well, uh, another option.
22019 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Jim Back door.
22020 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Dwight Back to our options. Jeez! Ok! settle down everyone. No bunching!
22021 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Phyllis Oh! I forgot my purse.
22022 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Stanley Leave it woman!
22023 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Michael Get out of the way! Go, go, go!
22024 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Dwight Things can be replaced, Phyllis! People, human lives, however, can...
22025 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Oscar Ah! My hand! That's hot!
22026 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Andy Aah! This ones hot too!
22027 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Michael Okay, we're trapped. Everyone for himself.
22028 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Dwight Okay, let's go.
22029 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Everyone Out of my way! Let's go. Get out of my way!
22030 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Dwight Calm, please
22031 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Andy Get out of the way!
22032 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Dwight Have you ever seen a burn victim?
22033 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Andy Move it!
22034 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Dwight Okay! Procedure, procedure. Exit options. Where do we go folks? Wha-- Use a what to cover the mouth?
22035 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Angela It's okay. Shh shhh.
22036 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Dwight A what? A rag. A damp rag, perhaps. Let's remember those procedures. What are the options? Okay, that's the wrong way. We've already tried that. Remember your exit points. Exit points people.
22037 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Angela Oscar.
22038 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Dwight What's next?
22039 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Angela Oscar!
22040 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Oscar Stay alive! I'm getting help!
22041 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Angela Pull me up!
22042 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Oscar You're too heavy!
22043 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Angela I only weigh 82 pounds! Uh-- save Bandit! Oh!
22044 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Dwight How about 911? Anyone? 911.
22045 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Pam What do we do?
22046 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Dwight Use the surge of fear and adrenaline to sharpen your decision-making.
22047 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Jim Okay, I am not dying here. Come on.
22048 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Angela What is that? What is that?
22049 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Andy The fire's shooting at us!
22050 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Phyllis What in the name of God is going on?!
22051 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Andy Yes! Yes, ba-- Yes, battering ram! Battering ram!
22052 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Phyllis, Creed Ahhhh!!!
22053 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Andy Go, go, go, go, go!!
22054 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Michael Help!! Help!!
22055 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Stanley I'm about to die!
22056 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Dwight Attention everyone! Employees of Dunder Mifflin! This has been a test of our emergency preparedness. There is no fire. It was only a simulation.
22057 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Jim What?!
22058 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Dwight Fire not real. This was merely a training exercise. So, what have we learned? Oh come on. It's not real Stanley. Don't have a heart attack.
22059 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Michael No, no, no! You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! Barack is president! You are black, Stanley! I'm gonna give him mouth to mouth.
22060 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Jim No, no, no! Don't give him mouth to mouth for this!
22061 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Michael He's going to swallow is tongue.
22062 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Jim No. Michael. Michael.
22063 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Michael Open your mouth. Come on. Don't swallow it.
22064 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Jim Michael! Michael!
22065 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Michael Leave me al--
22066 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Andy You're choking him!
22067 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3540 Michael Saving him!
22068 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 David Wallace How could you possibly think this is a good idea?
22069 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 Dwight A lot of ideas were not appreciated in their time.
22070 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 Michael Electricity.
22071 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 Dwight Shampoo.
22072 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 David Wallace You could have burned down the whole building.
22073 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 Dwight I just want to say for the record, I did not kill anyone. Stanley was attacked by his own heart. And he should be released from the hospital and back in the office in a couple days.
22074 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 Lawyer Did you shout, "Fire!", causing a panic?
22075 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 Dwight Yes I shouted "fire!". I shouted many things! I also shouted instructions on how to get out of the building, so you can imagine my frustration as safety officer when nobody would heed of what-- heeded--
22076 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 Michael Hed. Hedded
22077 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 Dwight When no one hedded--
22078 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 Michael Take hedded of.
22079 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 Dwight N-no one would take hedded of my instructions.
22080 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 Michael Heed. Heed.
22081 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 Dwight So, you--
22082 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 Michael Take heed of.
22083 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 Dwight And, well, I don't see my co-workers--
22084 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 Michael Take heed of.
22085 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 Dwight Hee-heeding this right now.
22086 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 Lawyer Wh--what?
22087 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 Michael Okay. This city. Dwight. We are not mad, we are just disappointed.
22088 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 David Wallace No, we are mad.
22089 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 Michael Yes. We are. We are livid. But we are going to let this one slide.
22090 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 David Wallace No, we're not.
22091 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 Michael I am not a mind reader, David.
22092 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 David Look, this is very serious offense. We have cause to fire you.
22093 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 Michael Can you shove down? Instead... shove down, please. Instead, what I think we should do is strip of your title as safety officer.
22094 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 Dwight No.
22095 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 Michael And we should take a part of his pay and donate it the charity of your choice. Something that Dwight doesn't like.
22096 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 Dwight PETA.
22097 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 David Wallace Michael, you have to take responsibility here. One of your employees had a heart attack. He could have died, because of the way that you are allowing your office to run. Do you want that on your conscious?
22098 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 Michael Do you?
22099 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 David Wallace Michael?
22100 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 Michael You talking to me?
22101 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 David Wallace Yeah.
22102 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3541 Michael What?
22103 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3542 Dwight Well... I guess we papered over that pretty nicely. It always amuses me when corporate thinks they can make some big change with a twenty minute meeting in some fancy high-rise. What's the matter? You hungry?
22104 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3542 Michael No, Dwight. I am worried. A man's life is in my hands.
22105 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3542 Dwight Don't you worry about that. I got it covered. Okay?
22106 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3542 Michael Yeah.
22107 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3542 Dwight I am planning a bomb scare that should really get the blood pumping.
22108 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3542 Michael That's not gonna happen. I'm taking over as safety man.
22109 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3542 Dwight What? You?
22110 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3542 Michael Yes.
22111 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3542 Dwight Come on.
22112 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3542 Michael I'm a smart guy. I'll figure it out.
22113 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3542 Dwight That's preposterous.
22114 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3542 Michael No, I will.
22115 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3543 Michael Nobody should have to go to work thinking, "Oh, this is the place that I might die today." That's what a hospital is for. An office is for not dying. An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max, to... An office is a place where dreams come true.
22116 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3544 Michael Shhh! Don't excite him. Don't make him excitable. Welcome back, Stanley.
22117 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3544 Stanley Thank you, Michael.
22118 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3545 Stanley It's true. Around this office, in the past, I have been a little abrupt with people...
22119 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3546 Stanley Not maybe. Yes or no.
22120 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3546 Stanley No way. Uh-uh.
22121 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3546 Stanley Are you from another planet?
22122 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3546 Stanley Boy, have you lost your mind? 'Cause I'll help you find it.
22123 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3546 Stanley Did I stutter?
22124 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3546 Stanley I'm done. Goodbye.
22125 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3547 Stanley But the doctor said if I can't find a new way to relate more positively to my surroundings I'm going to die.
22126 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3548 Michael Andy.
22127 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3548 Andy A throne for your highness.
22128 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3548 Stanley I'm not sitting in a wheelchair.
22129 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3548 Michael No, no, no. No debate. You are going to sit in that wheelchair until you are back on your feet.
22130 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3549 Stanley I'm going to die.
22131 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3550 CPR trainer A-B-C. Okay? And hat stands for... airway, breathing and circulation.
22132 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3550 Michael Okay, you know what? That could be a little confusing, because in sales A-B-C means "always be closing."
22133 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3550 Dwight This is a farce. I should be teaching this course.
22134 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3550 Michael Shut it. Shut it.
22135 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3551 Michael We found ourselves on the less prepared side of things when Stanley had his... when his heart went berserk. And I knew exactly what to do, but in a much more real sense I had no idea what to do. So I thought we should have CPR training class and of course you can't get the practice dummy unless the instructor comes along with it. Red Cross, you know, racket.
22136 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3552 Kevin I can't keep doing this forever.
22137 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3552 CPR Trainer It's been 20 seconds.
22138 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3552 Kevin Call it.
22139 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3552 CPR Trainer Would you like to try next?
22140 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3552 Dwight Absolutely I would not.
22141 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3552 Michael You know who I really think should go? Stanley.
22142 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3552 Stanley Oh, I don't know.
22143 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3552 Phyllis That's not a good idea, Michael.
22144 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3552 Michael Come on.
22145 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3552 Phyllis He needs to rest.
22146 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3552 Michael No rest for the sick. We are not always going to be there to coddle your heart back when it disappears to be working. What are you gonna do if you're by yourself and your heart stops?
22147 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3552 Stanley I would die.
22148 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3552 Michael And you're okay with that?
22149 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3552 Stanley I'm okay with the logic of it.
22150 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3552 Michael Uh-uh. No, no, no. Come on. Get up. Let's do this.
22151 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3553 Stanley Yes. I had a heart attack. I would quit, but I'm too old to find another job and I don't have enough saved to retire. I feel like I'm working in my own casket.
22152 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Michael Come on Stanley. You're losing you. You're losing you. Do it!
22153 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Angela Michael!
22154 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Michael This is you we're talking about.
22155 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Angela Michael.
22156 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Michael Okay, okay. I'll show them. Here we go. Stanley. All right.
22157 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 CPR Trainer So, assessing the situation. Are they breathing?
22158 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Michael No, Rose. They are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs.
22159 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Rose No, that's not part of it.
22160 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Michael Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what kind of quality of life do we have there?
22161 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Kevin I would want to live with no legs.
22162 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Michael How about no arms? No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, Kevin. You don't do anything.
22163 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Rose All right, well, lets get back to it. 'Cause you're losing him. Okay, too fast. Everyone, we need to pump at a pace of a 100 beats per minute .
22164 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Michael okay, that's uh, hard to keep track. How many is that per hour?
22165 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Jim How's that gonna help you?
22166 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Michael I will divide and then count to it.
22167 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Jim Right.
22168 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Rose Okay. Well, a good trick is to pump to the tune of 'Staying Alive' by the Bee Gees. Do you know that song?
22169 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Michael Yes, yes I do. I love that song. First I was afraid, I was petrified.
22170 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Rose No, it's--Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
22171 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Michael Okay, I got it.
22172 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Creed You were in the parking lot earlier. That's how I know you.
22173 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Michael Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
22174 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Michael Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah...
22175 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Andy Oh you can tell by the way I use my walk I'm a woman's man, no time to talk. Music loud, women warm, been kicked around since I was born. Oh, it's alright, it's okay, you can look the other way. Loo do do!
22176 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Rose Okay!
22177 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Andy Da, da, da, da, da, da, da
22178 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Rose Okay!
22179 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Everyone Stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
22180 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Rose Yeah, okay. You didn't maintain 100 beats per minute, and the ambulance didn't arrive because nobody called 911. So you lost him.
22181 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Dwight Okay, he's dead. Anyone know what we do next? Anybody? Rose?
22182 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Rose I have no idea.
22183 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Dwight Anyone else?
22184 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Phyllis We bury him?
22185 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Dwight Wrong. Ehh. Check for an organ donor card. If he has one, we only have minutes to harvest.
22186 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Creed He has no wallet, I checked.
22187 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Michael He is an organ donor.
22188 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Dwight He is.
22189 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Michael Yeah.
22190 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Dwight Get me some ice and a styrofoam bucket. Here we go.
22191 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Angela Oh my God! Dwight!
22192 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Kelly Dwight!
22193 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Angela What are you-- What are you doing?
22194 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Dwight We search for the organs. Where's the heart? The precious heart.
22195 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Stanley I'm not feeling well. I need to sit down.
22196 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Michael Hey, Stanley.
22197 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Andy Stanley.
22198 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Michael Are you okay?
22199 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Angela Oh my God!
22200 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Stanley Oh my God!
22201 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Angela Dwight!
22202 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Dwight Clarice?
22203 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3554 Stanley Oh my God!
22204 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3555 David Wallace Could you tell me why you had to cut the face off the dummy?
22205 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3555 Dwight I didn't think it was very realistic in the movie and it turns out, it's pretty realistic.
22206 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3555 David Wallace We had to pay for it. Cost us thirty five hundred dollars.
22207 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3555 Michael Five thousand three hundred dollars for a dummy?
22208 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3555 Dwight Wow.
22209 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3555 Michael Okay, look. David, this is why we have training. We start with the dummy, and we learn from our mistakes. And now Dwight knows not to cut the face off of a real person.
22210 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3556 Andy Hope you brought your appetitos. My lady. My tuna. A little movie popcorn. Uh, damn it. This movie, a lot of buzz. Not coming out for another six months. Mrs. Albert Hannaday. So, friendship with the Nard-dog has its privileges.
22211 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3557 Pam We don't normally download films illegally. Because we're honest, hardworking people.
22212 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3557 Jim And we don't know how.
22213 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3557 Pam But Andy does, so we have to watch it with him.
22214 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3557 Jim Punishment fits the crime.
22215 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3558 Jessica Alba I want you to meet my nana. Nana...
22216 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3558 Lily Mmmhmm...
22217 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3558 Jessica Alba This is Sam.
22218 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3558 Sam Hi. Nice to meet you Mrs. Hannaday.
22219 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3558 Lily Please-- Call me Lily. Let's play Bridge. You can be my partner.
22220 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3558 Sam Alright... Lily.
22221 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3559 Jim What's going on?
22222 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3560 Jim Uh, no one really knows, but Pam's parents are going through a little bit of a rough patch in their marriage.
22223 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3561 Pam My dad spent the night at our place last night. My parents have been fighting for weeks and... it kinda sucks. Jim's been great. But I'm gonna need to buy my dad a robe.
22224 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3562 Pam He's not saying what he needs to say.
22225 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3562 Andy Hmm? Who? Sam?
22226 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3562 Pam Yeah.
22227 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3562 Jim I mean, they just need to communicate, you know? If they said to each other what they're saying to everyone else, then--
22228 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3562 Andy Hmm.
22229 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3563 Andy Jim and Pam are, like, movie geniuses. They're catching things that are totally going over my head.
22230 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3564 Michael Hi, everyone. Corporate has given Dwight two strikes. They are very, very upset with him. So, as a disciplinary measure he is going to have to issue a formal apology. Dwight, have you prepared your statement of regret?
22231 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3564 Dwight I have.
22232 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3564 Michael Let's hear it.
22233 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3564 Dwight "I state my regret."
22234 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3564 Jim You couldn't of memorized that?
22235 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3564 Dwight I could not, because I do not feel it. Okay, everyone. I am going to need you to sign this statement of regret as an acknowledgement that you heard it. Okay? Everyone come on up here. It's not a big deal.
22236 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3564 Phyllis It is a big deal. You almost killed Stanley.
22237 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3564 Dwight Yeah, right. I filled him full of butter and sugar for 50 years and forced him not to exercise. Now, take a lesson from Stanley and jog on up here and sign this, okay? Make a line. Just form a line right here. Sign it! Sign it now!
22238 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3565 Pam Hi dad. Yeah Jim has shaving cream, check our bathroom.
22239 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3566 Lily I'm in here.
22240 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3566 Sam I uh, I'm sorry I didn't uh, realize you were in a bath. Do you want me to go?
22241 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3566 Lily I want you to stay.
22242 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3567 Jim Gimme a break.
22243 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3567 Andy I know it man. You know, Lilly was supposed to be Nicole Kidman, um and it was gonna be Sophie's mom, not grandmother. But then Nicole kidman dropped out so they went with Lily, with a small rewrite.
22244 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3568 Sam Get that in there. Oh yeah.
22245 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3568 Lily Get that done already.
22246 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3568 Sam I know but if I get it in deeper...
22247 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3569 Jim Can you believe this? He was pretty talkative at breakfast.
22248 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3569 Andy Yeah... but... eh... breakfast? You mean when they were eating soup? I don't think that was breakfast. Unless soup, does soup symbolize breakfast?
22249 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3569 Pam So he doesn't share it with his daughter but he shares it with his daughter's fiance?
22250 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3569 Andy You guys, they're making out.
22251 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3570 Pam Hey.
22252 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3570 Jim Hey.
22253 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3570 Pam Um, did my dad say anything about my mom?
22254 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3570 Jim Mmm... nope, we mostly just talked about cereal.
22255 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3570 Jim What?
22256 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3570 Pam I dunno. I mean, maybe he'll talk to you about some of this stuff 'cause he can't really talk to me about it.
22257 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3570 Jim Mmm...
22258 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3570 Pam You're good to talk to.
22259 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3570 Jim I'm ok, I'm not, great, and um...
22260 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3571 Michael Ohmmm... Ohmmm... Everybody sit on the floor Indian style like me. Ohmmm my God if you're wearing a dress please keep your knees together nobody wants to see that ohmmm... ohmmm...
22261 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3572 Michael My goal is to make this office as peaceful a place for Stanley Hudson as I can. I think sounds have a lot to do with that. Here are some downloaded peaceful sounds. That one makes me think... of death. It's kinda nice...
22262 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3573 Michael It is a beautiful, sunny day as we walk through the meadow that is very spiritual and relaxing and there are flowers and it is sunny and beautiful. Now, up ahead, a castle, in a distance.
22263 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3573 Jim Don't open your eyes.
22264 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3573 Pam What? Oh...
22265 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3573 Michael And you walk up toward the castle, and inside the castle are 4 men, and each of them, none of them have shoes, and they give you a funny cigarette, and you feel even more relaxed, and then you want ice cream. You want a big bowl of ice cream. What kind do you want? Shout it out.
22266 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3573 Meredith Chunky monkey.
22267 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3573 Michael Too expensive.
22268 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3573 Stanley Chocolate.
22269 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3573 Michael Racism is dead Stanley, you can have any kind of ice cream you want. What do you want? What is that? People! Please I told you to get rid of the cell phones.
22270 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3573 Stanley It's my bio-feedback machine..
22271 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3573 Michael Oh, ok. What is that, like, a video game?
22272 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3573 Stanley It alerts me when my stress level goes up so I can try to calm down.
22273 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3573 Michael You have stress?
22274 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3573 Stanley Yes...
22275 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3573 Michael During our relaxation exercise?
22276 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3573 Phyllis Let me get you some water.
22277 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3573 Michael No no, I'll help you. I'll help you up. Here we go.
22278 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3573 Stanley No, Michael, No.
22279 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3573 Michael Let me getcha.
22280 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3573 Stanley Would ya, would ya step back please
22281 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3573 Michael Ok, alright.
22282 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3573 Stanley Please. A little further.
22283 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3573 Michael Ok.
22284 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3573 Stanley That's better.
22285 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3573 Michael Ok... I think that thing is on the fritz. Ahh... Oscar, would you reach over and touch his thing? That's what HE said! Right guys, 'cause of gay? Let's give this a shot.
22286 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3573 Michael Hellloo...
22287 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3573 Kevin Michael, I think you're what's stressing everybody out.
22288 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3574 Michael So... it wasn't Dwight after all. Looks like I am the killer. You never expect that you're the killer... it's uh... great twist. Great twist.
22289 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3575 Pam Dunder Mifflin this is Pam. Oh, hey Mom. No, what did Dad say?
22290 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3576 Pam What did you say to my dad?
22291 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3576 Jim What?
22292 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3576 Pam After you talked, he called my mom and said he was gonna look for an apartment.
22293 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3576 Jim Oh my God. Pam, I don't know, I, nothing, truly, nothing. I mean, I, I just was honest with him and I, I'm so sorry, I don't know. I'll call him again.
22294 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3577 Jim Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce, so... it was her parents or my parents...
22295 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3578 Pam What could Jim have said to make my dad want to leave my mom? And at what point in our marriage is he gonna say it to me?
22296 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3579 Michael I don't get it. Do I stress you out?
22297 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3579 Dwight Nothing stresses me out. Except having to seek the approval of my inferiors.
22298 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3579 Michael Oh...
22299 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3579 Dwight Speaking of which...
22300 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3579 Michael Remember when people used to say boss, when they were describing something that was really cool like, those shoulder pads are really boss man... Look at that perm, that perm is so boss. It's what made me want to become a boss. And I looked so good in a perm and shoulder pads. But now, boss is just slang for jerk in charge.
22301 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3580 Michael Ok everybody, I've figured it out. The reason that you are all so stressed around me is that you are too intimidated to tell me what you really think. You are keeping these feelings inside, and that is what's causing stress. So, what is the solution? Solution is honesty, laughter, and comedy. In short...
22302 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3580 Kelly A vacation.
22303 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3580 Michael What? No. No, I am talking about a roast! Of Michael Scott! Oh c'mon! Who here has the Comedy Central Roast channel? You've seen it right? Everybody gets together, and everyone starts hurling insults at the one guy, and everybody's laughing, and everybody's hugging each other...
22304 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3580 Oscar Michael are you serious? You really want us to roast you?
22305 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3580 Michael Si senor.
22306 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3580 Oscar That's offensive.
22307 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3580 Michael It's not! It's not offensive during a roast! Anything goes! I want you guys to really get crackin on this. I want you to take me down. Don't hold back. I want you to really make fun of anything about me. It could be my race, could be the fact that I'm so fit, or I'm a womanizer... fair game. Whatever. I don't want to write your stuff for you, but I just want it to be good.
22308 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3581 Kevin Oh my GOD... Oh man... Ohhhhh my God...
22309 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3582 Oscar I consider myself a good person. But I'm gonna try to make him cry.
22310 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3583 Michael I can already feel people's stress starting to melt. I think they're very excited about paying their respects this way. I have got to make sure that YouTube comes down to tape this.
22311 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3584 Dwight May I have your attention please? Sign in, sign in on the sign in sheet, the clipboard. This meeting is mandatory, if you do not sign in your name will not be counted. Thank you.
22312 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3584 Phyllis Hey, this is your apology letter.
22313 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3584 Dwight That was the last signature I needed.
22314 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3584 Michael Whoo!! Welcome welcome welcome welcome welcome. You are all jerks. Just kidding, not yet anyway. Welcome to the roast of Mr. Michael Scott. If you're here for the Grabowski wedding, it is the second door on the left. So, we all know how these work, needs to get crazy, take your best shot. I am going to sit right here on my chair and... ah... whoever wants to come up and roast me, you may. Ok... lower the mic for the midget.
22315 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3584 Angela If you ever wondered if you were Michael Scott, here's a quiz to help. If you ever put sunblock on a window, you might be Michael Scott.
22316 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3585 Angela I normally don't enjoy making people laugh.
22317 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3586 Angela If you ever called the fire department 'cause your head was stuck in your chair you might be...
22318 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3586 Group Michael Scott!
22319 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3586 Michael Hey Hey, I don't go make burgers where you work and then tell you how to make burgers. Ha ha!
22320 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3587 Kelly I have made a list of people that I would make out with before I would make out with Michael Scott. A turtle, a fridge, anybody from the warehouse, a woodchipper, Kevin, a candle, and Lord Voldemort. Anyway, Happy Birthday Michael.
22321 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3587 Michael You're so lucky! Good one...
22322 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3588 Meredith Michael? You ran over me with your car. You posted a picture of my bare boobs on the bulletin board with a caption that said "Gross"...
22323 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3588 Michael Well...
22324 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3588 Meredith Michael, you are the reason I drink. You are the reason I live to forget.
22325 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3588 Michael Pow pow pow...
22326 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3589 Michael NO! No, friends only. Friends ONLY.
22327 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3590 Jim Several times a day, Michael says words that are way beyond my vocabulary.
22328 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3590 Michael I know where this is goin'.
22329 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3590 Jim Do ya?
22330 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3590 Michael No...
22331 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3590 Jim Ok. Remember Spider face?
22332 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3590 Michael No.
22333 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3590 Jim OK. 'Cause the quote was, cut off your nose to spiderface.
22334 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3590 Michael Spite her - ok
22335 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3590 Jim Yeah... yep.
22336 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3591 Dwight How dare you all attack him like this.
22337 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3591 Michael Oh, stop it Dwight.
22338 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3591 Dwight Michael is your superior.
22339 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3591 Michael No no no no no no!
22340 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3591 Dwight Okay, you should be bowing down in front of him.
22341 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3591 Michael Dwight your'e supposed to do it this way.
22342 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3591 Dwight Ok, no, they don't understand who they have...
22343 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3591 Michael That is the way you're supposed to do it, idiot.
22344 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3591 Dwight You're interrupting me. I'm trying to get your back.
22345 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3591 Michael Idiot. Idiot! Idiot. Idiot.
22346 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3591 Dwight Are you calling me an idiot?
22347 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3591 Michael Idiot.
22348 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3591 Dwight Don't you ever talk to me that way. You pathetic, short little man. You don't have any friends, or any family, or any land.
22349 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3592 Pam Well I just want to take a minute to talk to you all about something very serious. Once every hour, someone is involved in an internet scam. That man is Michael Scott. He's supporting about 20 Nigerian princesses.
22350 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3592 Michael Hey, ya know what? Forgive me for caring. Right?
22351 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3592 Pam Well, ya know, Michael is a great delegator. He never does any work himself. Ever. And one time, I walked in on him naked, and his thing is so small. If it were an iPod it would be a shuffle!
22352 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3592 Michael Can I make just a little announcement. In a professional roast, usually the roaster will say something nice about the roastee after they're done, something about how much they love them, so, just, keep that in mind.
22353 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3593 Darryl Mike claims, we're all a family isn't that right?
22354 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3593 Michael We are, we are a family.
22355 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3593 Darryl Ok, so um, what's his name? All the way in the back there.
22356 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3593 Michael Oh very funny.
22357 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3593 Darryl What's his name?
22358 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3593 Michael Uhh... hehe hah! I'm thinking Roy?
22359 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3593 Darryl Roy left years ago. What's his name?
22360 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3593 Michael I don't believe I have had the pleasure.
22361 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3593 Warehouse Michael Michael I gave you a ride home last week, we spent an hour in traffic...
22362 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3593 Michael Jefferson.
22363 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3593 Darryl Nope. His name is Michael.
22364 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3594 Andy What I hate about you, you really suck as a boss, you're the laziest, jerkiest and you're dumber than applesauce. We're stuck listening to you all day, Stanley tried to die just to get away, heeey, well it's true. That's what I hate about you. That's what I hate about you. Yeah. And now, a man that deserves no introduction, Michael Scott.
22365 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3594 Michael Haha ha. Thank you very much, thank you. That was great. Great job, great laughs. Really, really went after my intelligence there. Dozens of online IQ test might prove you wrong, but, and my thing isn't tiny, its average, so... get your facts straight. So when I heard that there was going to be a roast in my honor, I thought sorry. I think I have a frog in my throat. Um... I decided to jot down some quick thoughts about you people, um, first up Phyllis and Kevin. Uh um...
22366 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3595 Pam Dunder Mifflin this is Pam. Uh, I'm sorry, Michael's not here right now can I take a message? Great. I will. Thanks.
22367 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3596 Dwight It's very unusual for Michael not to show up to work. My guess? He's either deeply depressed, or an icicle has snapped off his roof and impaled his brain. He has this terrible habit of standing directly underneath them and staring up at them. And I always say Michael, take two steps back, and stare at the icicle from the side. And he's like no, I like the way they look from standing directly underneath them.
22368 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3597 Kevin He is so dumb that he tries to put his M&Ms in alphabetical order.
22369 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3597 Oscar Alright Kevin. Enough with the Michael jokes. I think he got it bad enough yesterday.
22370 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3597 Kevin I'm almost done.
22371 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3597 Oscar That reeks, and I'm trying to eat.
22372 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3597 Dwight Attention everyone I just got a text from Michael. He says personnel day. Are we hiring?
22373 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3597 Jim Yep. You're being replaced.
22374 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3597 Pam I think he meant personal day.
22375 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3597 Dwight Oh, that's quite a leap Pam.
22376 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3597 Phyllis I hope he's ok, I feel bad.
22377 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3597 Creed Give it up, he's dead.
22378 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3597 Jim He just sent a text...
22379 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3597 Creed What's a text?
22380 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3598 Michael Caw... caw... caw caw... caw...
22381 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3599 Michael You know sometimes, to get perspective, I like to think about a spaceman on a star incredibly far away. And, our problems don't matter to him, because we're just a distant point of light. But he feels sorry for me, because he has an incredibly powerful microscope, and he can see my face. I'm okay. No, I'm not.
22382 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3600 Pam Phyllis there's a package for you.
22383 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3600 Phyllis Oh, ok.
22384 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3600 Dwight Got it.
22385 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3601 Lily Sam, Sam Sam. It's not that you dumped my granddaughter, and its not that you want children. It, it's that you lied to me. Can't you see that? Can't you see? Oh, I can never trust you.
22386 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3601 Sam Lilly no. Lilly! Lilly please! Lilly STOP! I don't care how much time we have left. I don't care what my friends say! And I don't care what your mom thinks! Frankly I'm pretty sure she's not makin any sense. Please. Move back to my apartment. Lilly. I'm not giving up. I'm not giving up. Lilly... Lilly! Push the reverse button! Reverse the button!
22387 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3601 Andy Sam! Sam!
22388 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3602 Pam Hey Dad. No I know, Mom told me. Ok. Yeah I'll see ya then.
22389 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3603 Jim So what did he say? Was it my fault?
22390 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3603 Pam Yeah. He said that you told him how much you love me. About how you feel when I walk in a room, and about how, you've never doubted for a second that I'm the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. I guess he's never felt that with my mom, even at their best.
22391 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3603 Jim You ok?
22392 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3603 Pam Yeah.
22393 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3604 Pam When you're a kid you assume your parents are soul mates. My kids are gonna be right about that. I guess it also means that sometimes love affairs look different to the people inside them.
22394 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3605 Andy I am not insightful enough to be a movie critic. Mm... maybe I could be a food critic. These muffins taste bad. Hmm, or an art critic. That painting is bad.
22395 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3606 Pam Michael! It's really good to see you.
22396 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3606 Dwight Hey. Why are you wearing a turtleneck?
22397 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3606 Jim Are you alright?
22398 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3606 Oscar Michael, I feel like I was a little harsh yesterday.
22399 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3606 Michael I um, I spent the afternoon in the park trying to feed the pigeons, I guess they all flew west for the winter, and I, I just had some thoughts that I wanted to share with you people.
22400 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3606 Pam What?
22401 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3606 Michael Well I wrote them down so I wouldn't forget. Jim, you're 6'11 and you weigh 90 pounds, Gumby has a better body than you. Boom. Roasted. Dwight, you're a kiss ass. Boom. Roasted. Pam, you failed art school. Boom. Roasted. Meredith, you've slept with so many guys you're starting to look like one. Boom. Roasted. Kevin, I can't decide between a fat joke and a dumb joke. Boom. Roasted. Creed, you're teeth called, your breath stinks. Boom. Roasted. Angela where's Angela? Whoa there you are, I didn't see you there behind that grain of rice. Boom. Roasted. Stanley, you crush your wife during s*x and your heart sucks. Boom. Roasted. Oscar, you are... Oscar, you're gay.
22402 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3606 Oscar Wow.
22403 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3606 Michael Andy, Cornell called, they think you suck. And you're gayer than Oscar. Boom. Roasted. Alright. Alright everybody, you know I kid, you know I kid. You guys are the reason I went into the paper business, so, uh, goodnight, God bless, God bless America, and get home safe.
22404 5 14 Stress Relief (Parts 1&2) 3607 Michael They say that laughter is the best medicine so Stanley, you can throw away those pills. You are cured. Actually, you should... better hold onto them pills, just in case.
22405 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3608 Jim This morning the phone guy comes in, and he shows Michael that the phones have a PA function. And then he just left.
22406 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3608 Michael This is your captain speaking, the office will be flying at an altitude of two stories. Look out your left hand window and you will see Vance Refrigeration. I am the ghost of salesman past, do not come near me. Yes Michael Scott for Dr. Jocelyn, please. Hello doctor I was just following up on my mole again. No, I was looking online about sebaceous cysts. I have not been squeezing it.
22407 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3608 Michael Could I stick it with a pin?
22408 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3608 Pam Ugh.
22409 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3608 Michael Toby Flenderson to the principal's office. Your mother called, and it appears that you wet the bed again. So you have to get home to wash your sheets because they are yellow and they're wet with your urine.
22410 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3608 Michael You, and at six foot six, from the University of North Carolina, Jiiiiim Halpeeeeert.
22411 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3608 Jim That's pretty funny. Hey you know what? Did I drop my, uh...
22412 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3608 Michael What?
22413 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3608 Jim What the heck? Is that, uh...
22414 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3608 Michael You find it?
22415 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3608 Jim I didn't, I'll look somewhere else.
22416 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3608 Michael All right.
22417 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3608 Jim All right.
22418 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3608 Michael Would you like fries with that? Please drive around.
22419 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3609 Michael Hello, good morning.
22420 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3609 Pam Good morning.
22421 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3609 Michael You ready? And we're off, like a herd of turtles.
22422 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3610 Michael Well, Pam and I have eloped. Actually we just robbed a bank, and we are on the lam. No, uh, seriously, I am on a lecture circuit. Apparently Scranton has the best sales of any regional branch. So David Wallace has asked me to go to all the branches, except Nashua, still a little bit raw there. Um, but I am going to these branches and sharing my secret recipe for success. My 11 business herbs and spices, in a sales batter. Oh that, well, that is Pam. Pam is coming along as my assistant and my driver so I can focus. And I like to pack heavy.
22423 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3610 Pam He brought a sled.
22424 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3610 Michael No! That is a toboggan, you never know when you're gonna find a snowy hill so... Every magician has a hot assistant, and every rock star has a roadie, and Pam is my hot roadie.
22425 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3610 Pam Yeah. I love being on the road, but I especially love the time and a half pay 24 hours a day, for three days. Cause I have a mortgage now, got a bring home the bucks.
22426 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3610 Michael Yeah, oh don't say bucks, it's not lady like. Here we go! Okay so what we do is drive all day and we stay in hotels together at night.
22427 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3610 Pam Separate rooms.
22428 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3610 Michael Well that goes without saying.
22429 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3610 Pam I'm going to say it anyway.
22430 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3610 Michael Hey! Look at what you're wearing again, Pam. Have you ever seen a magician's assistant? That's...
22431 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3610 Pam This is a new cardigan.
22432 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3610 Michael ...kind of Maybe you could tie it around your waist or lose the shirt underneath or something.
22433 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3610 Pam No.
22434 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3610 Michael No. Oh, all right.
22435 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3611 Jim Hey, Kelly.
22436 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3611 Kelly Screw you.
22437 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3611 Dwight Excuse me, that is no way to address a superior.
22438 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3611 Kelly Oh yeah? Screw you too.
22439 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3611 Jim Whoa! What was that all about.
22440 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3611 Phyllis You forgot her birthday, it was yesterday.
22441 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3612 Jim Go ahead.
22442 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3612 Dwight Go ahead, you do it.
22443 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3612 Jim Okay.
22444 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3612 Dwight I insist.
22445 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3612 Jim Basically after Phyllis blackmailed Angela, Michael asked them to both step down from the party planning committee cause there was too much drama.
22446 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3612 Dwight What he said was...
22447 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3612 Jim Just, easy.
22448 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3612 Dwight ...there was a problem with having one head of the party planning committee. She becomes too powerful, so he appointed two heads.
22449 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3612 Jim Party planning is literally the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life.
22450 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3612 Dwight I am a paper salesman, this is humiliating. That's on my side.
22451 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3612 Jim So this is fun.
22452 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3613 Kelly My birthday was yesterday, and everybody forgot. I got really dressed up and excited, and no one said a word. There wasn't even a party. I think sometimes people are really mean to the hot, popular girl.
22453 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3614 Pam Can I turn on the radio?
22454 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3614 Michael No. I need silence or Sam Kinison to prepare.
22455 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3614 Pam But then you fall asleep and there's nothing for me to do.
22456 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3614 Michael Then listen to your iPod, Pam.
22457 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3614 Pam That's dangerous.
22458 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3614 Michael Well then... hey you know what then let's just talk.
22459 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3614 Pam That's okay I can... I'm fine. I'll just play a song in my head.
22460 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3614 Michael You nervous about seeing Karen again, since she was the other woman? Actually you were the other woman so...
22461 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3614 Pam No, that was a long time ago.
22462 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3614 Michael Is that why your wearing makeup today?
22463 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3614 Pam No, I'm not even wearing that much.
22464 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3615 Pam I hate the idea that someone out there hates me. I even hate thinking that Al-Qaeda hates me. I think if they got to know me, they wouldn't hate me. But Karen knows me, and she still hates me, so...
22465 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3616 Julia Oh, this is a nice office.
22466 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3616 Stanley You don't have to lie. Through here.
22467 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3616 Andy Um Phyllis, who's that?
22468 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3616 Phyllis She's out of your league Andy.
22469 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3616 Andy For your information, I have been with lots of beautiful women.
22470 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3616 Phyllis Sexually?
22471 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3616 Andy This conversation is over.
22472 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3617 Andy I am single now. What we have here, is the ultimate smackdown between the Nard-Dog and crippling despair, loneliness, and depression. I intend to win.
22473 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3618 Jim We just wanted to say we are very sorry.
22474 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3618 Kelly Screw you guys. You're dead to me.
22475 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3618 Dwight If you say screw you one more time...
22476 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3618 Kelly Yeah, screw you, beefer, I don't forget your birthday, I would never do that.
22477 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3618 Dwight Hey, HEY.
22478 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3618 Jim Guys guys guys guys guys guys. We just want to make it up to you. What can we do?
22479 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3618 Kelly I guess my only wish, would be that nothing so terrible would ever happen to anyone else ever again.
22480 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3618 Dwight Oh God.
22481 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3618 Jim Okay.
22482 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3618 Kelly In a way, it's good that it happened to me, because at least I can bear it.
22483 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3618 Dwight What kind of cake do you want imbecile.
22484 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3618 Kelly Ice Cream.
22485 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3619 Pam Okay, uh, point at the Dunder Mifflin.
22486 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3620 Michael Hello, Rolando, how are you?
22487 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3620 Rolando Hi.
22488 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3620 Michael Rolando, I'd like you to meet Pam. She is our receptionist. You know what? Maybe you guys could go out on a little friend date sometime.
22489 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3620 Rolando Uh, your late, everyone's already in the conference room. Karen will be right here to take you over.
22490 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3620 Michael Okay, don't be nervous, just picture her naked.
22491 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3620 Pam Stop it, please.
22492 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3620 Michael That's what I do, steal my trick.
22493 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3620 Pam Please cut it out.
22494 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3620 Karen Hey. Hi, guys.
22495 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3620 Michael Oh my God. Is that Jim's?
22496 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3620 Karen What!
22497 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3620 Pam Michael!
22498 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3620 Karen Of course not!
22499 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3620 Michael Okay. Wow. Oh man! My head just exploded. Whoo! Thank God, for everybody right? Whoo kay. Wow, you're huge! That's incredible! I... God sorry, sorry my head is... I'm just, I'm trying to figure out the last time that you and Jim had s*x, and...
22500 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3620 Karen Let's just get this over with, shall we?
22501 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3620 Michael Okay, Mm Hmm. Ten, ten months?
22502 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3621 Jim Are you kidding?
22503 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3621 Dwight Well, I'm not done yet.
22504 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3621 Jim Dwight. This, fits in the palm of my hand. You haven't blown 'em up enough. Why have you chosen brown and gray balloons?
22505 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3621 Dwight They match the carpet
22506 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3621 Jim What is that? It is your birthday period.
22507 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3621 Dwight It's a statement of fact.
22508 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3621 Jim Not even an exclamation point?
22509 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3621 Dwight This is more professional. It's not like she discovered a cure for cancer.
22510 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3621 Jim I can't believe how bad this looks.
22511 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3621 Dwight Are you trying to hurt my feeling? Because if so, you are succeeding. Fortunately, my feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man's.
22512 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3621 Jim Okay, good then.
22513 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3621 Dwight Have you collected the money from everyone?
22514 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3621 Jim I am working on it.
22515 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3621 Dwight How much do you have?
22516 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3621 Jim Six dollars.
22517 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3621 Dwight That's how much you and I contributed! I... Damn it Jim!
22518 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3621 Jim I said I was working on it.
22519 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3622 Andy Trying to see what CD's she got. It's good to know the deets about the girl you're wooing. Eh, Aha! Fiest. Yes! Whoa! Aah, Aah!
22520 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3623 Michael NO! Oh, my God. Oh, No. That is so awful. That is the worst news. I have to go. I have to do a presentation. I'll talk to you... This is going to be hard for me to speak today. Because I just learned that my father has died. ... No, he didn't! He is alive. And this isn't even a cell phone. This is a calculator. But you bought it! And now you can't return it. Or can you? No you can't. Yes. Karen, do you need to go pump?
22521 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3623 Karen Not gonna have to do that, till after I have the baby. No, I am wondering. What are you talking about?
22522 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3623 Michael I am talking about, how you all need to sell an experience. Like I sold you on the idea that my father had died.
22523 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3623 Karen But now we think you're a liar.
22524 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3623 Michael Would a liar bring mini Mounds bars?
22525 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3624 Michael I am a theatrical person. Growing up, I always thought I would become an actor. Because I have, these memorization tricks that I use. Um, for instance, I learned the Pledge of Allegiance by setting it to the tune of Old MacDonald. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God. With a woof-woof here, and a woof-woof there. Here a woof, there a woof. Everywhere a woof, woof. Um, you get it.
22526 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3625 Michael I don't know you. But I need to know you in order to sell to you. That is why I have asked you to go around and tell me you names. I have an amazing mnemonic device, by which I have memorized all of your names. Shirty, mole, lazy eye, Mexico, baldy, sugar boobs, black woman. I have taken a unique part of who you are, and I have used that to memorize your name. Baldy, your head is bald. It is hairless. It is shiny, it is reflective like a mirror. "M" your name is Mark.
22527 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3625 Mark Yes.
22528 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3625 Michael Got it. It works.
22529 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3625 Karen Uh, it's very insulting.
22530 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3625 Michael But it works. I would like you all to give this a shot. What do you say?
22531 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3625 Mark But we already know each other's names.
22532 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3625 Michael Well, then it will be easier for you. But I, I still think it's worthwhile, to give a, give it a try.
22533 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3625 Karen Okay. All right everyone, meeting's over.
22534 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3625 Michael Oh, I still have more.
22535 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3625 Karen Can I please see you in my office, please?
22536 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3625 Michael She is pregnant. She is knocked up. "K" Karen. Pam, let's go.
22537 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3626 Julia I can't accept these prices, Stanley. They just cut our budget.
22538 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3626 Andy Brought you guys some coffees. Stanley, I know you have adult onset diabetes. So I put Splenda in yours. Let's see. How many did I put in there? One, Two, Three, Four Splenda's in your coffee, Stanley. None in yours, Julia, cause I don't know how you take it. But if you'd rather...
22539 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3626 Stanley Four Splenda. Are you crazy?
22540 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3626 Andy Well, No, I actually only put in two. But that's not how the songs goes.
22541 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3627 Stanley Are you out of your damn mind?
22542 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3627 Andy Are you out of your damn mind? You bring an angel like that into this office, and you don't even set me up with her.
22543 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3627 Stanley We're not friends. I didn't think about it.
22544 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3627 Andy We are friends. Stanley, we're friends. And you let me down.
22545 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3627 Stanley You really like her, huh?
22546 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3627 Andy Yeah. I really like her with all my heart.
22547 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3627 Stanley Give me two clients for her.
22548 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3628 Michael I grab this , and I turn it on and I say, "Prepare yourself, for the Utica chain store massacre."
22549 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3628 Karen No that's, that is incredibly dangerous.
22550 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3628 Michael No, don't worry, the chain is off.
22551 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3628 Pam No it's not.
22552 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3628 Karen You know, I think I'm just gonna distill all this, and send it in an email to my team.
22553 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3628 Michael Email's not scary. This is an opportunity. Don't, don't blow it.
22554 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3628 Pam So when are you due?
22555 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3628 Karen Uh, in about a month.
22556 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3628 Pam Wow, that is wonderful, congratulations.
22557 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3628 Karen Thank you. It just all happened so fast.
22558 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3628 Michael It's really amazing. Congratulations Karen. So is there a guy or, uh, a person. Or, uh, a sperm machine that did this to you, or?
22559 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3628 Karen Yes, Michael. My husband impregnated me.
22560 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3628 Michael Oh, great.
22561 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3628 Karen His name is Dan, uh, this is us. So dorky.
22562 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3628 Pam Oh, he's cute.
22563 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3628 Karen Yeah, he's so cute. He's a dermatologist. We met a bar. Can you believe that?
22564 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3628 Pam What is happening there?
22565 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3628 Karen Oh, yeah. Don't even. That's really dorky.
22566 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3628 Pam It's really sweet.
22567 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3628 Michael No, it's really dorky. You were right the first time.
22568 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3628 Karen So, how are things in Scranton? How's Jim?
22569 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3628 Pam Uh, they're good. Uh, Jim's good. We're engaged.
22570 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3628 Karen That's so great. That's great.
22571 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3628 Pam Thank you.
22572 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3628 Karen Oh, my God. I'm so happy for you.
22573 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3628 Michael Old hatreds dissolve into new friendships. It's a really wonderful moment.
22574 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3629 Stanley I have to take care of a couple things. So Andy will be taking over things here. You're in good hands, and give my best to your mother.
22575 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3629 Andy So Julia, um, let's see. With regards to, uh, billing. Should we send bills to you, or to your boyfriend's house or?
22576 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3629 Julia No, it could go straight to our business address.
22577 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3629 Andy Oh Okay, all right. That makes sense. How does your boyfriend, deal with your phenomenal success? Is he just, like, totally threatened by you, or?
22578 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3629 Julia Actually, I, I don't have a boyfriend.
22579 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3629 Andy Really? Is that... wow, that's so weird.
22580 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3630 Andy Guys, stop everything. I'm about to ask out this girl, and I'm completely panicking.
22581 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3630 Oscar Oh, my desk is over...
22582 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3630 Creed This gal, she's really into you?
22583 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3630 Andy Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I've seen her, like, three times today. And we love all the same music, and whenever I walk into a room, she totally looks up.
22584 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3630 Creed All right, all right. Say no more. So, this is how I got squeaky fromme. No small talk. Just show her who's the boss. Just go right in and kiss her.
22585 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3630 Andy Okay, it sounds risky.
22586 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3630 Creed Have I ever steered you wrong, Jim?
22587 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3630 Andy Wait, what?
22588 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3631 Michael I would give that lecture a solid B+. Although, for the record, Karen. Wow, kind of mean.
22589 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3631 Pam I like her.
22590 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3631 Michael Really? No, honestly. Tell me what you really think.
22591 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3631 Pam I'm serious. Um, I'm really glad I came.
22592 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3631 Michael Why?
22593 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3631 Pam Because, um, cause I'll never wonder ever again. If I did something wrong and... Now I have closure. She's happy and, I don't know, it feels good.
22594 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3632 Julia Thanks for walking me out.
22595 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3632 Andy Oh, my pleasure. Yeah, there's all kinds of weirdo's out here, so...
22596 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3632 Julia You must be freezing.
22597 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3632 Andy I am about to die. Will you wait here while I go get my jacket?
22598 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3632 Julia Oh, no, it's okay. This is my car.
22599 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3632 Andy Okay, Okay. Well listen, you're a new client, and as one of my new clients, you will always be taken care of. And that is the Nard-Dog guarantee.
22600 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3632 Julia What's a "Nard-Dog"?
22601 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3632 Andy This is the Nard-Dog.
22602 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3632 Julia Whoa. What the hell?
22603 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3632 Andy Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh I, I thought we had this energy. And I'm a mess. And I just had my heart broken. And you came in today and your so pretty. You're, like, incredibly pretty.
22604 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3632 Julia I just got out of a relationship too. It's really hard.
22605 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3632 Andy Yeah, right? Wow. Yeah. Do you want to talk about it? Go to a mall of something? Just walk around?
22606 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3632 Julia No, I, I don't think so.
22607 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3632 Andy Sure, yeah that's... your right. It's too soon for... definitely too soon for me. So I'm glad we go that out of the way. I'm gonna be in touch with you. In three months. I'm gonna call you about that order. And maybe about that mall walk.
22608 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3632 Julia Okay.
22609 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3632 Andy Take care Julia.
22610 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3632 Julia Thank you.
22611 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3632 Andy Sorry I tried to kiss y...
22612 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3633 Andy We lost the account.
22613 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3634 Dwight Damn it! Dwight Schrute.
22614 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3634 Jim How old's Kelly?
22615 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3634 Dwight Who is this?
22616 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3634 Jim It's Mose. Who do you think it is?
22617 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3634 Dwight Mose doesn't know how to use a phone. So joke's on you.
22618 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3634 Jim Look, I'm at the supermarket, and they only have numbered candles. How old is she?
22619 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3634 Dwight Uh, 24. 37.
22620 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3634 Jim Do you think I'm calling you for your best approximation?
22621 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3634 Dwight I'll call you back.
22622 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3635 Dwight I have here Kelly Kapoor's personal and confidental file. Allow me to share. "Kelly Kapoor spent April 1995 to December 1996 at Berks County Youth Center." Juvie. "According to past employers, it in no way affects her job perfor..." Blah, Blah, Blah.
22623 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3636 Pam Are you asleep?
22624 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3636 Michael No. I'm just thinking about what you said, about Karen, about closure. You remember Holly? She used to work for H.R.?
22625 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3636 Pam No, remind me.
22626 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3636 Michael Blonde hair, nice boobs. Not too big, not too small.
22627 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3636 Pam Perfect boobs, of course I remember Holly.
22628 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3636 Michael She was the love of my life. What you and Jim have times 100. Just she... she just left. And I didn't... I never got closure, you know? I never got closure with her. I haven't talked to her since. I haven't seen her since. And I feel like I need to go to Nashua and get closure. I feel like I need that.
22629 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3636 Pam Okay, lets go.
22630 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3636 Michael I'll just blow off the lecture at Rochester.
22631 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3636 Pam Yeah, screw 'em. Let's do this.
22632 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3636 Michael Okay.
22633 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3637 Jim So I am collecting $3 from everybody. For Kelly's party.
22634 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3637 Creed I'd like to contribute.
22635 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3637 Jim Oh, great.
22636 5 16 Lecture Circuit (Part 1) 3637 Creed There you go.
22637 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3638 Michael I am on a lecture circuit. I'm goin' around to all the branches, and I'm telling them my secret recipe for success.
22638 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3639 Michael I have now memorized all of your names. Shirty, Mole, Lazy Eye, Mexico, Baldy.
22639 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3640 Michael And I turn it on and I say 'Prepare yourself for the Utica Chainsaw Massacre.'
22640 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3641 Karen How's Jim?
22641 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3641 Pam We're engaged.
22642 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3641 Karen Oh my God, I'm so happy for you!
22643 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3641 Pam Oh, wow, thank you!
22644 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3642 Michael You remember Holly? She used to work for HR? She's the love of my life. She just left... and I never got closure. And I feel like I need to go to Nashua and get closure.
22645 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3642 Pam ... Okay, let's go.
22646 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3643 Oscar Two?
22647 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3643 Kevin I didn't eat lunch. I didn't eat all my lunch.
22648 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3644 Angela Hello, everyone. Oh, ice cream. Nice, Kevin. Looks good.
22649 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3644 Kevin It... yeah.
22650 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3644 Oscar Angela, you're more chipper than usual.
22651 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3644 Angela I am proud to announce that there is a new addition to the Martin family. She's hypoallergenic. She doesn't struggle when you try to dress her. She's a third-generation show cat. Her father was in 'Meet the Parents.' Needless to say, she was very, very expensive.
22652 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3644 Meredith How much?
22653 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3644 Angela Seven thousand dollars.
22654 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3644 Creed For a cat? I could get you a kid for that.
22655 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3644 Oscar Where'd you get that kind of money?
22656 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3644 Angela I sold Andy's engagement ring on eBay.
22657 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3644 Kevin Wait, you didn't give it back?
22658 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3644 Angela He wouldn't have wanted that. Her name is Princess Lady!
22659 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3644 Meredith Seven grand?
22660 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3644 Angela Mm-hmm.
22661 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3644 Meredith I gotta see that little bitch.
22662 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3644 Angela I have something better than a picture. Come on.
22663 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3645 Oscar You have your cats on Nanny-Cam?
22664 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3645 Angela Yeah. I mean, I usually try to take leave when I get a new cat, but I'm out of vacation days. And this company still doesn't recognize cat maternity. I mean, when somebody has a kid, oh sure, take off a year.
22665 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3645 Meredith She's right. I had my second kid just for the vacation.
22666 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3645 Angela Right. Anyways... I just want to make sure Princess Lady is acclimating well. She means more to me than anyone.
22667 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3645 Kevin Any cat, you mean.
22668 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3645 Angela And person.
22669 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3646 Pam So, detour. We're now adding Nashua to the Lecture Circuit so Michael can confront Holly and get some closure. Nashua actually sounded very excited on the phone. I don't think they get a lot of visitors. Because their office is only accessible by cross-country skis. Hey-oh! I've been driving too long.
22670 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3647 Dwight What did you do?
22671 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3647 Kelly Stop yelling at me!
22672 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3647 Dwight What did you do?
22673 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3647 Kelly I didn't do anything!
22674 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3647 Dwight What did you learn in there? I bet you learned things, huh? Like how to fashion a shiv, hmm?
22675 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3647 Jim Hey! What the hell's goin' on?
22676 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3647 Dwight Why don't you tell Jim where you were from ages 14 to 15.
22677 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3647 Kelly I was kickin' it.
22678 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3647 Dwight In juvie.
22679 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3647 Jim What?
22680 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3647 Dwight Juvie... nile... Detention Center. Where they send teenagers!
22681 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3647 Jim Yep.
22682 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3647 Dwight For reha-
22683 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3647 Jim Got it.
22684 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3647 Dwight What did you do? Huh?
22685 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3647 Jim Hey, Dwight, sounds like she was 14, so maybe we wanna go a little easy.
22686 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3647 Dwight Yeah, if she's old enough to get married, she's old enough to follow the law. What did you do?
22687 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3647 Kelly My boyfriend dumped me, so, I stole his boat. I mean, he told me it was his boat. It was actually his father's. And I just thought it'd be really romantic, like 'Thelma and Louise,' but with, like, a boat. And it was the worst year of my life. And I can't believe that you guys are making me talk about this on my birthday!
22688 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3647 Dwight I thought you said yesterday was your birthday!
22689 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3647 Jim Hey, you know what? I got you a cake.
22690 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3647 Kelly You did? I wanna see the cake.
22691 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3647 Jim And... ta da.
22692 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3647 Kelly I hate it.
22693 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3647 Jim How do you hate it? It's a cake.
22694 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3647 Kelly Well, there's no flowers... or toys... or--- I mean, there's nothing on it. Where did you even find a cake like this? I mean, it doesn't have my name on it! Do you guys know what my name is? My name is Kelly!
22695 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3647 Jim Right.
22696 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3648 Jim I forgot if there was an "e" between the "l" and the "y." I still don't know.
22697 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3649 Kelly I mean, I don't even know what the theme is. What's the theme?!
22698 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3649 Jim Birthday.
22699 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3649 Dwight Frosting.
22700 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3649 Kelly Those aren't... themes. There's always a theme.
22701 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3649 Phyllis There's always a theme.
22702 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3649 Dwight Nice job on the cake, Bozo!
22703 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3649 Jim Okay, you know what, next time, I'll let you get the cake and I get to scream at the birthday girl.
22704 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3650 Pam Okay, a little bit more closer to the sign. Yeah.
22705 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3651 Michael Do I look okay?
22706 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3651 Pam You look good.
22707 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3652 Michael Hi.
22708 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3652 Receptionist Hi, can I help you?
22709 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3652 Michael Yes, you can. I am, uh, Michael Scott, Regional Manager of the Scranton branch.
22710 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3652 Receptionist Yes, we were expecting you. Have a seat.
22711 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3652 Michael Thank you. ... Um... is, uh, Holly Flax anywhere here?
22712 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3652 Receptionist Actually, she's on an HR retreat for the next three days.
22713 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3652 Michael Oh- She's not here?
22714 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3652 Receptionist But, if you need to get in touch with her immediately, you could talk to A.J. He's a salesman here.
22715 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3652 Michael A.J.
22716 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3652 Receptionist Yeah, he's her boyfriend. He's just over there.
22717 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3653 Michael She has a boyfriend.
22718 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3653 Pam I'm so sorry, Michael.
22719 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3653 Michael How could she do this to me, Pam?
22720 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3653 Pam She's not doing it to hurt you.
22721 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3653 Michael I can't do the presentation, I can't- ... just... oh... thinking about seeing him... and... thinking about... him getting to hold her and getting to kiss her, it just- oh, God!
22722 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3653 Pam Listen, when Jim was dating Karen, I didn't want to come to work. It was awful. I hated it. I wanted to quit, but-
22723 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3653 Michael I know, just... uh, please, I'm going through something, okay?
22724 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3653 Pam You know, when Holly gets back, everyone will tell her what a great job you did. And then she'll realize what she's missing.
22725 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3653 Michael And then she'll move back to Scranton. And her boyfriend will die.
22726 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3653 Pam Yeah, maybe.
22727 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3653 Pam Maybe. One step at a time.
22728 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3653 Pam You can do this.
22729 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3653 Michael I can do this.
22730 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3654 Oscar It could be snacks, or-
22731 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3654 Kevin Why would we-
22732 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3654 Oscar Wha-
22733 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3654 Kevin Is that what I think it is?
22734 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3654 Oscar Good God!
22735 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3654 Kevin That one ugly cat is humping Princess Lady!
22736 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3654 Angela No!
22737 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3654 Meredith Awesome!
22738 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3654 Angela Stop it, Mr. Ash! Bad cat! That is very bad! You stop it right now! I swear, he is fixed.
22739 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3654 Meredith Yeah, I know fixed; that ain't fixed.
22740 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3654 Kevin No way.
22741 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3654 Angela No, now listen. You can't let what you see here, sully your image of them. They are good, decent cats. I gotta go. I'll be back in an hour. Oh, stop that! Oh!
22742 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3654 Kevin Oh, the other one's watching.
22743 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3655 Jim Okay, so all we need is a theme... and cups, and ice, and punch, and a cake.
22744 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3655 Dwight Busy!
22745 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3655 Jim Hey, what's that show that she's always talking about?
22746 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3655 Dwight Oh, my God. Is this how you are with Pam? 'Cause she must want to shoot herself in the face.
22747 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3655 Jim You know what? I could use a little help.
22748 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3655 Dwight You know what? I'm a little busy.
22749 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3655 Jim We have a lot to do, and you are... putting up a very effeminate sign. Is that what you've been doing, is making a sign?
22750 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3655 Dwight It's not effeminate. It's festive.
22751 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3655 Jim You've been making that sign, for something that we could just announce to the whole office? Hey everybody, the party's now at 3!
22752 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3655 Stanley I know, I just read it on the sign.
22753 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3656 Michael Goooood morning, Viet-Nashua! Sales. Sales is what bwings us together, today. How do we deal with clients who say, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn... about paper" and get them to "Show us the money!" Well, we are going to find out today. Show of hands. How many of you are salesmen? Let's see the salesmen. Oh, okay. Well I know what the rest of you are thinking. Wow, yuck. Salesmen are the worst! They are awful. They are so arrogant. They think the whole place revolves around them. Handsome, good listeners, funny, Mr. Wonderful. So, okay, you're a salesman. What's, uh, what's your name?
22754 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3656 A.J. A.J.
22755 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3656 Michael A.J. What kind of name is A.J.?
22756 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3656 Michael What do you race cars?
22757 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3656 A.J. I'm a salesman. That's why I raised my hand.
22758 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3656 Michael Ooh. Ouch. Okay, good. You're funny, very good and funny. Tell me, A.J., are you dating? Is there somebody you date?
22759 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3656 A.J. Yeah. Why, are you interested?
22760 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3656 Woman I have a question about discounts from distributors.
22761 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3656 Michael Yep, we will get to you. Okay, so you're dating somebody? Um... is it serious?
22762 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3656 A.J. It's pretty serious, yes.
22763 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3656 Michael Huh- Does she ever talk about me?
22764 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3656 Pam Oh, God.
22765 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3656 A.J. Excuse me?
22766 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3656 Man What does this have to do with sales?
22767 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3656 Michael It's all connected. Shut up. Does she ever mention 'Michael Scott?'
22768 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3656 A.J. No, what are you talking about?
22769 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3656 Michael Does it feel good?
22770 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3656 A.J. Does what feel good?
22771 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3656 Michael Your life. Oh, wow. Whew. Ahh, legs are sorta giving out. Long drive in the car, so let's just- We'll just continue. Oh, wow. Ooh, okay.
22772 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3656 Pam Michael, get off the floor!
22773 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3656 Michael Yeah, yeah... uh, I can't do this Pam. Just read from- just read the cards.
22774 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3656 Pam No, no, no, you have to do it-
22775 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3656 Michael No, no, I'm okay. I'm all right. Okay... okay.
22776 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3656 Pam That was weird, huh? It's all part of the presentation. It was confusing, right? Because confusing situations happen to us all the time in our jobs. I'm just trying to bridge the gap between what just happened and the fact that I'm going to be doing the rest of the presentation. Sales is like a box a chocolates, you never know which vendor you're gonna get. Forrest Gump.
22777 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3657 Pam Blazer. Freckles. Penguin. K.D. Lang. Holly's boyfriend. These mnemonic devices help to make a connection, and then, also to help you memorize names. I have a chainsaw! Cutting down the competition.
22778 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3658 Angela Where is that bad cat? Oh, you know who you are. Excuse me, Petals, I'm looking for Mr. Ash. He's a bad cat. Bad, bad cat. Do you hear me? Bad. Yeah, you were bad. No, you look at me when I talk to you. Do you hear me, Mr. Ash? You look at me. 'Cause I'm talking to you right now.
22779 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3658 Kevin This is getting weird.
22780 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3658 Oscar Is she cleaning the cat with her tongue?
22781 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3658 Kevin Ohhh...
22782 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3659 Angela Has this been on the entire time?
22783 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3659 Oscar I have no idea.
22784 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3659 Kevin I was looking at pictures of food on my computer.
22785 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3659 Angela Well, sorry I'm late.
22786 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3660 Oscar I want to get that image out of my head. The psychological issues that go behind licking a cat, are not things I want to go into. Also, I'm pretty sure she coughed up a hairball.
22787 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3661 Pam Don't look up. Don't look up.
22788 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3662 Michael Want some pie?
22789 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3662 Pam No.
22790 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3662 Michael I went through Holly's things.
22791 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3662 Pam What?
22792 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3662 Michael I stole a sleeve of her sweater.
22793 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3662 Pam Oh, Michael...
22794 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3662 Michael I also stole something off of her computer. A document called "Dear Michael."
22795 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3662 Pam You did what?
22796 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3662 Michael I shouldn't have done it. It just- I couldn't help it.
22797 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3662 Pam She never sent it to you?
22798 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3662 Michael No, sh- she didn't. I'm gonna read it.
22799 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3662 Pam No.
22800 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3662 Michael Yes.
22801 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3662 Pam No, under no circumstances can you read that letter. It's a violation of her trust.
22802 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3662 Michael How?
22803 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3662 Pam Because, she didn't send it to you!
22804 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3662 Michael I know, I know. You're right, you're right.
22805 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3662 Pam I could read it.
22806 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3662 Michael No, that wouldn't-
22807 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3662 Pam Yeah, I could read it.
22808 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3662 Michael No, you don't have to do that.
22809 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3662 Pam Go get your laptop.
22810 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3662 Michael Okay.
22811 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3662 Pam What? I'm not in love with her.
22812 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3663 Dwight You have to write my suggestions down, too.
22813 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3663 Jim I'm not writing, "Horse Hunt." I don't even know what that means.
22814 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3663 Dwight It's in the name.
22815 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3663 Jim Okay, so far, our ideal party consists of beer, fights to the death, cupcakes, blood pudding, blood, touch football, mating, charades, and yes, horse hunting.
22816 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3663 Dwight You're right, forget horse hunting. It's stupid.
22817 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3663 Jim Look, is there a birthday you remember that you loved?
22818 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3663 Dwight Here's one. It was dark, warm, wet. A sudden burst of light. An intense pressure like I'd never felt before. Father, dressed in white, pulls me forward. Mother bites the cord.
22819 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3663 Jim Okay, stop. Forever stop that story. That's disgusting, and it doesn't count. So give me another one.
22820 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3663 Dwight Schrutes don't celebrate birthdays, idiot. It started as a Depression-era practicality, and then moved on to an awesome tradition that I look forward to every year. What about you?
22821 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3663 Jim Actually, when I was seven, my Dad took me to the Natural History Museum in New York. And we looked at fossils all day. And at the end of the day, he got me a little plastic triceratops. It was awesome.
22822 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3663 Dwight That's cool. Hey, you know what's even cooler than triceratops? Every other dinosaur that ever existed.
22823 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3663 Jim Didn't see that one coming.
22824 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3664 Pam It's deleted.
22825 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3664 Michael Well?
22826 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3664 Pam She still has feelings for you.
22827 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3664 Michael She said that? Is that what it said? What did it say?
22828 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3664 Pam I can't tell you specifically, but... it's not over.
22829 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3664 Michael You're sure?
22830 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3664 Michael Okay.
22831 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 All Happy Birthday!
22832 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Meredith Surprise!
22833 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Dwight Hey, it's not a surprise.
22834 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Jim Not a surprise.
22835 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Kelly This doesn't look good.
22836 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Jim What?! You have a cake. You have a delicious cake, with your name spelled correctly?
22837 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Dwight Told you.
22838 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Jim You haven't heard our theme, though.
22839 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Kelly You don't hear a theme, you see it... why is there a chicklet on my cake?
22840 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Jim That's the best part. That represents a pillow, or a television.
22841 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Dwight Our theme, if you will.
22842 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Jim Because the fun part is, you get to decide on an hour of television, or an hour of napping.
22843 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Dwight That's our theme.
22844 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Kelly Cool.
22845 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Jim Yeah?
22846 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Kelly I love it.
22847 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Dwight Oh, yes! Okay, good. So what's it gonna be, Kapoor?
22848 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Kevin Ooh- can she pick a half hour of each?
22849 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Dwight No.
22850 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Jim No.
22851 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Kevin Oh, then pick TV.
22852 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Meredith Take a nap!
22853 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Oscar TV.
22854 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Kevin No, watching TV at work is really cool.
22855 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Stanley Take a nap, nothing good is on TV right now.
22856 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Creed Bonnie Hunt is on.
22857 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Kelly You know what, I have been watching TV all week. I choose nap.
22858 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Jim All right.
22859 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Dwight Okay, nap it is! Everyone out! Get out! We're gonna be eating cake at our desks. Let's go.
22860 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Meredith Surprise.
22861 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Dwight Move it! Let's go, go, go, go, go. I got this.
22862 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Jim Ahem. This is for you... and ...Happy Birthday, Kel.
22863 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Kelly Thank you.
22864 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Dwight Okay, you've got one hour.
22865 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3665 Kelly I'm too excited to sleep.
22866 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3666 Dwight Mm, great cake.
22867 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3666 Jim Thanks.
22868 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3667 Dwight Birthday time is over! Now go make up for all the work you missed when you were taking your nap. Many happy returns.
22869 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3668 Michael I feel great. So good to have closure. Ah! We should go apologize to Roy or something.
22870 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3668 Pam No, we don't need to do that.
22871 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3668 Michael Who have I wronged? Who have I wronged? Oh, oh! What about that fat guy from Stamford that I insulted? We should find him!
22872 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3668 Pam You mean Tony?
22873 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3668 Michael Jabba the hut, Pizza the hut, Fat guys like pizza, pepperoni pizza, pepperoni Tony!
22874 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3668 Pam Oh, Michael.
22875 5 17 Lecture Circuit (Part 2) 3668 Michael Man, was he fat. So, so... fat. You know what, forget it. I know me. When I saw him, I would never be able to apologize to him. Too fat. Big fat fatty.
22876 5 18 Blood Drive 3669 Phone Salesman Hi.
22877 5 18 Blood Drive 3669 Pam Good morning, can I help you?
22878 5 18 Blood Drive 3669 Phone Salesman Yes, I'm from Techstar about a new phone system for you. I was wondering if I could talk to Michael Scott.
22879 5 18 Blood Drive 3669 Pam I'm sorry, he's not in right now.
22880 5 18 Blood Drive 3669 Phone Salesman Really? He's never around when I come by.
22881 5 18 Blood Drive 3669 Pam Shoot.
22882 5 18 Blood Drive 3670 Pam They have new phone systems now that can ring directly to a salesman, or someone presses star and they go to accounting, basically 95% of my job. But I'd like to see a machine that puts out candy for everyone. Vending machine.
22883 5 18 Blood Drive 3671 Phone Salesman How about I make an appointment to come back? That way, I know he'll be here.
22884 5 18 Blood Drive 3671 Pam That is a great idea.
22885 5 18 Blood Drive 3671 Phone Salesman Great.
22886 5 18 Blood Drive 3671 Pam Um, oh boy, let's see, he's really...
22887 5 18 Blood Drive 3671 Jim Michael Scott, manager. Hi, how are ya?
22888 5 18 Blood Drive 3671 Pam There he is!
22889 5 18 Blood Drive 3671 Phone Salesman Oh, hi! Great.
22890 5 18 Blood Drive 3671 Jim Nice to meet you, yeah. Whew! I can assure you we don't need a new system though. Happy with ours.
22891 5 18 Blood Drive 3671 Michael Hello, may I help you?
22892 5 18 Blood Drive 3671 Jim Jimbo!
22893 5 18 Blood Drive 3671 Michael ...Jim.
22894 5 18 Blood Drive 3671 Jim Ayyyy!
22895 5 18 Blood Drive 3671 Michael Ayyyy!
22896 5 18 Blood Drive 3671 Pam Ayyyy!
22897 5 18 Blood Drive 3671 Michael Ayyyy!
22898 5 18 Blood Drive 3671 Jim Ayyyy!
22899 5 18 Blood Drive 3671 Dwight Ayyyy!
22900 5 18 Blood Drive 3671 Jim, Pam, Michael, Dwight Ayyyy!
22901 5 18 Blood Drive 3671 Phone Salesman Ok. I'm, uh, I'll be going.
22902 5 18 Blood Drive 3671 Jim, Pam, Michael, Dwight Ayyyy!
22903 5 18 Blood Drive 3671 Michael What was that?
22904 5 18 Blood Drive 3671 Pam That was funny.
22905 5 18 Blood Drive 3671 Michael That was funny. Let's go do it to somebody else. Ayyyy!
22906 5 18 Blood Drive 3672 Michael Oh, look at that. Cupids and hearts. Really shoving our faces in it this year. You doin OK, bud?
22907 5 18 Blood Drive 3672 Kevin I miss Stacy.
22908 5 18 Blood Drive 3672 Michael Yeah, I hear ya. It's been four months since I was with Holly, and she was way hotter then Stacy. So if you think you're hurting...
22909 5 18 Blood Drive 3672 Kevin I can't even imagine.
22910 5 18 Blood Drive 3673 Pam This is our first and only Valentine's Day as fiances.
22911 5 18 Blood Drive 3673 Jim You're only engaged once. Well present company excluded, but.
22912 5 18 Blood Drive 3673 Pam Really, Jim? On Cupid's birthday?
22913 5 18 Blood Drive 3673 Jim Yeah. She's fine.
22914 5 18 Blood Drive 3674 Kelly So, I received my first Valentine from a secret admirer. Roses are red, violets are blue, it's time for your dental cleaning, and maybe a check-up too.
22915 5 18 Blood Drive 3675 Michael Oh, wow look at those. How nice for you. Up there, front and center, beautiful. I think they would look better right here. They're very pretty and I wouldn't want them to fall.
22916 5 18 Blood Drive 3676 Michael Just about everyone in this office is single right now. Including me. And everyone is experiencing an incredible amount of emotional pain. Especially me, because of my great capacity for emotion, and it is my first Valentine's Day since Holly, so I think that I am well qualified to understand that these people need to be protected from having love shoved into their faces.
22917 5 18 Blood Drive 3677 Michael Pam, really, they're back?
22918 5 18 Blood Drive 3677 Pam I can't see them when they're on the floor
22919 5 18 Blood Drive 3677 Jim They're for her to look at, Michael.
22920 5 18 Blood Drive 3677 Michael Can I have a word with you, Jim?
22921 5 18 Blood Drive 3677 Jim Yes, let's have a word.
22922 5 18 Blood Drive 3677 Michael Yes, um, Jim. Today is a very difficult day for a lot of people in this office.
22923 5 18 Blood Drive 3677 Jim Oh, I'm sorry.
22924 5 18 Blood Drive 3677 Michael Yeah. And the sexy looks between you and Pam, the general sexiness, the flowers, it's creating a bit of a hostile work environment.
22925 5 18 Blood Drive 3677 Jim I understand that.
22926 5 18 Blood Drive 3677 Dwight So sexy it becomes hostile.
22927 5 18 Blood Drive 3677 Michael Mm-hmm.
22928 5 18 Blood Drive 3677 Jim Uh, I actually thought we were keeping it pretty low-key.
22929 5 18 Blood Drive 3677 Michael Well, if you guys insist on having your own private little love fest--
22930 5 18 Blood Drive 3677 Jim We do.
22931 5 18 Blood Drive 3677 Michael --that none of us can be a part of--
22932 5 18 Blood Drive 3677 Pam You can't be a part of our relationship, Michael.
22933 5 18 Blood Drive 3677 Michael --then, we, are gonna have our own private Valentine's Day party.
22934 5 18 Blood Drive 3677 Jim That sounds fun.
22935 5 18 Blood Drive 3677 Michael So suck it. Hey everybody, I just invited Jim to suck it, and I am cordially inviting all of you to a special convention, a lonely heart's convention, this afternoon. Singles only.
22936 5 18 Blood Drive 3677 Dwight Yeah, deal with it Pam!
22937 5 18 Blood Drive 3677 Michael So we may not have someone in our lives that we love, but we do have each other.
22938 5 18 Blood Drive 3678 Dwight Having trouble finding a vein?
22939 5 18 Blood Drive 3678 Blood Drive Worker Yup, a little.
22940 5 18 Blood Drive 3678 Dwight How about now?
22941 5 18 Blood Drive 3679 Dwight I train my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command. Also, I can retract my pen1s up into itself.
22942 5 18 Blood Drive 3680 Michael I am about to give blood. The gift of everlasting life, the transfer of my bodily fluids, oh wow, that's a big needle, that --
22943 5 18 Blood Drive 3680 Blood Drive Worker You're gonna need to lie down right over here.
22944 5 18 Blood Drive 3680 Michael Okay. Hello.
22945 5 18 Blood Drive 3680 Blood Girl Hi, I cant talk right now. I'm sorry.
22946 5 18 Blood Drive 3680 Michael Oh, OK.
22947 5 18 Blood Drive 3680 Blood Girl Whew, I'm really nervous.
22948 5 18 Blood Drive 3680 Michael Yeah, me too.
22949 5 18 Blood Drive 3680 Blood Girl Yeah, when I get nervous I sort of clam up.
22950 5 18 Blood Drive 3680 Michael Oh, well, that's fine.
22951 5 18 Blood Drive 3680 Blood Girl Whew, it's better for me just to be quiet, yeah.
22952 5 18 Blood Drive 3680 Michael Yeah, can I point something out to you?
22953 5 18 Blood Drive 3680 Blood Girl Sure.
22954 5 18 Blood Drive 3680 Michael You're actually talking a lot.
22955 5 18 Blood Drive 3680 Blood Girl Sorry, it's the other thing I do when I get really nervous.
22956 5 18 Blood Drive 3680 Michael Okay, here we go.
22957 5 18 Blood Drive 3680 Blood Drive Worker Alright, here we go.
22958 5 18 Blood Drive 3680 Michael Oh, God.
22959 5 18 Blood Drive 3680 Blood Drive Worker Just relax.
22960 5 18 Blood Drive 3680 Michael Yup, I'm good, whew. Wow, I feel like a human juicebox. Hawaiian blood punch.
22961 5 18 Blood Drive 3680 Blood Girl Oh, that's gross.
22962 5 18 Blood Drive 3680 Michael Type O-Ocean Spray.
22963 5 18 Blood Drive 3680 Blood Girl God, stop. Stop it.
22964 5 18 Blood Drive 3681 Phyllis Hey, why don't you guys come have lunch with Bob and me? We'll take all afternoon. Michael is terrified of bob.
22965 5 18 Blood Drive 3681 Pam What do you think?
22966 5 18 Blood Drive 3681 Jim I have a lot of work to do this afternoon. Those mines aren't gonna sweep themselves.
22967 5 18 Blood Drive 3681 Pam We're in.
22968 5 18 Blood Drive 3682 Michael Yick.
22969 5 18 Blood Drive 3682 Blood Girl What?
22970 5 18 Blood Drive 3682 Michael I looked at the bag.
22971 5 18 Blood Drive 3682 Blood Girl Ew.
22972 5 18 Blood Drive 3682 Michael I looked straight at the bag.
22973 5 18 Blood Drive 3682 Blood Girl That's not good.
22974 5 18 Blood Drive 3682 Michael Could you distract me for a second, just talk about things that don't have blood in them?
22975 5 18 Blood Drive 3682 Blood Girl Well, ok... bags! Alright, that was bad.
22976 5 18 Blood Drive 3682 Michael That was mean.
22977 5 18 Blood Drive 3682 Blood Girl Um, a hat.
22978 5 18 Blood Drive 3682 Michael A hat.
22979 5 18 Blood Drive 3682 Blood Girl A hat with no blood in it?
22980 5 18 Blood Drive 3682 Michael That is full of soup.
22981 5 18 Blood Drive 3682 Blood Girl You're cute.
22982 5 18 Blood Drive 3682 Michael What?
22983 5 18 Blood Drive 3682 Blood Drive Worker You're done.
22984 5 18 Blood Drive 3682 Michael Oh, already.
22985 5 18 Blood Drive 3682 Blood Girl Ah, we did it!
22986 5 18 Blood Drive 3682 Michael Whew, wow I was so nervous about this I don't think I ate for three days.
22987 5 18 Blood Drive 3682 Blood Girl Is he OK?
22988 5 18 Blood Drive 3683 Michael Oh my God, how long was I out?
22989 5 18 Blood Drive 3683 Hank What?
22990 5 18 Blood Drive 3683 Michael Excuse me, waitress, where did the lady go?
22991 5 18 Blood Drive 3683 Blood Drive Worker Oh. She left.
22992 5 18 Blood Drive 3683 Michael OK. Oh, wait a second, wait a second, that's hers. This is hers, she left her glove. I need her name if I'm gonna return her glove.
22993 5 18 Blood Drive 3683 Blood Drive Worker I'm sorry sir we can't give out that information.
22994 5 18 Blood Drive 3684 Meredith What are you doing?
22995 5 18 Blood Drive 3684 Kelly Decorating.
22996 5 18 Blood Drive 3684 Meredith I'll help. Now it's just a stupid baby.
22997 5 18 Blood Drive 3684 Kelly Yeah, thanks.
22998 5 18 Blood Drive 3685 Phyllis It is so nice to go out with another couple.
22999 5 18 Blood Drive 3685 Pam Anything to get out of that office.
23000 5 18 Blood Drive 3685 Phyllis I know
23001 5 18 Blood Drive 3685 Bob Vance I honestly don't know how you can work with that jackass, that other jackass, and that new jackass.
23002 5 18 Blood Drive 3685 Phyllis He's talking about Michael, Dwight, and Andy.
23003 5 18 Blood Drive 3685 Jim Oh yeah, I understood.
23004 5 18 Blood Drive 3686 Michael Well here we all are. Alone but together. No flowers for us. Relationships, we don't need no stinking relationships. I think we should all go around and tell our worst relationship story, and then get past it, just blow through it, yeah? Kelly, what about Ryan? He treated you pretty terribly, yeah?
23005 5 18 Blood Drive 3686 Kelly Well, his heart was in the right place.
23006 5 18 Blood Drive 3686 Michael Yeah, but now his heart is in Thailand along with the rest of his body having random s*x. Okay, sorry, let's, who else? Oscar.
23007 5 18 Blood Drive 3686 Oscar I don't think so.
23008 5 18 Blood Drive 3686 Michael Come on, I'm sure there's something you need to get off your chest.
23009 5 18 Blood Drive 3686 Oscar I can't.
23010 5 18 Blood Drive 3686 Michael If you wanna just, anything? Are you sure? I'm sure whatever you did it wasn't your fault. OK well, who else?
23011 5 18 Blood Drive 3687 Bob Vance Everyone here who's bowled a 280 please raise your hand.
23012 5 18 Blood Drive 3687 Jim No way, a 280?
23013 5 18 Blood Drive 3687 Pam Wow, that's impressive.
23014 5 18 Blood Drive 3687 Phyllis Okay. Now everyone here who's bowled under 70 raise their hand.
23015 5 18 Blood Drive 3687 Jim Yikes.
23016 5 18 Blood Drive 3687 Phyllis Come on, Bob. Raise your hand.
23017 5 18 Blood Drive 3687 Jim No. Bob, no. No!
23018 5 18 Blood Drive 3687 Pam What?
23019 5 18 Blood Drive 3687 Bob Vance One time. You love bringing up that one time, don't you?
23020 5 18 Blood Drive 3687 Phyllis Yes I do.
23021 5 18 Blood Drive 3687 Pam Jim uses a 6 pound ball.
23022 5 18 Blood Drive 3687 Jim That is a lie, that is a lie.
23023 5 18 Blood Drive 3687 Pam Yes, he bowled 5 frames with this pink sparkly thing until a little girl had to ask for her ball back.
23024 5 18 Blood Drive 3687 Jim But! That girl must've had monstrous hands because the holes fit.
23025 5 18 Blood Drive 3687 Pam No, you just have little dainty fingers.
23026 5 18 Blood Drive 3687 Bob Vance Oh yeah. You can always model ladies' jewelry.
23027 5 18 Blood Drive 3687 Jim Nobody asked, Bob!
23028 5 18 Blood Drive 3688 Oscar Do you risk telling him how you feel? Do you say something that you can barely admit to yourself?
23029 5 18 Blood Drive 3688 Angela Oh God, what did you do? I mean, not that I approve of any of it but...
23030 5 18 Blood Drive 3688 Oscar I was stupid, I told him.
23031 5 18 Blood Drive 3688 Kevin Was he in to you in like a gay way?
23032 5 18 Blood Drive 3688 Michael Moron, if he was there wouldn't be a story.
23033 5 18 Blood Drive 3688 Oscar He told me he wasn't gay.
23034 5 18 Blood Drive 3688 Michael Really sad.
23035 5 18 Blood Drive 3688 Oscar I'm not done yet.
23036 5 18 Blood Drive 3688 Michael Oh my God.
23037 5 18 Blood Drive 3688 Kevin A week later a friend of mine calls me up, and he says "I just saw him in a gay bar in Kansas City."
23038 5 18 Blood Drive 3688 Michael Well then it's a happy ending, because he was gay. You should call him!
23039 5 18 Blood Drive 3688 Angela My worst breakup was actually two breakups. Two different men. I was in love with both of them and when things went bad they had a duel over me.
23040 5 18 Blood Drive 3688 Oscar Yeah, Dwight and Andy. We were here.
23041 5 18 Blood Drive 3688 Angela No, this was years ago when I was living in Ohio. John Mark and John David.
23042 5 18 Blood Drive 3688 Oscar Angela, you had two sets of different men actually duel over you?
23043 5 18 Blood Drive 3688 Angela I guess I have. Huh.
23044 5 18 Blood Drive 3688 Michael Alright who's next? Where's Andy?
23045 5 18 Blood Drive 3688 Oscar He's on one of his honeymoons.
23046 5 18 Blood Drive 3688 Michael What?
23047 5 18 Blood Drive 3688 Oscar He made non-refundable deposits on his honeymoons, so he's just knocking them off one at a time. I think today he's hot air ballooning and later he's got a couple's massage.
23048 5 18 Blood Drive 3688 Kevin My worst breakup was with Stacy. It was a Sunday morning, we were reading the paper, and I said "Oh my God, I think the Eagles could clinch the NFC East!" and she said that we're done.
23049 5 18 Blood Drive 3688 Michael You know what guys? I don't think we need to do this.
23050 5 18 Blood Drive 3688 Dwight You're right. OK everyone, back to work.
23051 5 18 Blood Drive 3688 Michael No, no, no, no. I mean have this kind of party. I look around and I see all these beautiful people who are alone on Valentine's, and I think that there are other single people out there too. We just need to find them. There's a girl out there for all of us maybe even in this office park. There has to be a way to get all these lonely people together.
23052 5 18 Blood Drive 3688 Dwight A net? a giant net?
23053 5 18 Blood Drive 3688 Michael No. Not a giant net.
23054 5 18 Blood Drive 3688 Dwight What do you have in mind?
23055 5 18 Blood Drive 3688 Michael I was thinking maybe like a mixer.
23056 5 18 Blood Drive 3688 Dwight Oh God, that's a terrible idea.
23057 5 18 Blood Drive 3688 Michael Old fashioned meet market --
23058 5 18 Blood Drive 3688 Dwight No.
23059 5 18 Blood Drive 3688 Michael -- I don't think it is.
23060 5 18 Blood Drive 3688 Dwight Lonely people mixing with one another? Breeding? Creating an even lonelier generation? Ha, you're not allowing natural selection to do its work. Pssh. You're like the guy who invented the seat belt.
23061 5 18 Blood Drive 3689 Michael These people need love and I am going to get it for them Who cares if we sell a little bit less paper today? A great boss cares more about the happiness of his employees then anything else. I am going to be cupid, and I am going to shoot my sparrow at unsuspecting victims, and they are going to get hit and say "I'm in love I was hit by cupid's sparrow." Funny little bird, but he gets the job done.
23062 5 18 Blood Drive 3690 Michael Hey.
23063 5 18 Blood Drive 3690 Dwight Hey. No movement.
23064 5 18 Blood Drive 3690 Michael Ah, still early.
23065 5 18 Blood Drive 3690 Dwight Eh, its not that early.
23066 5 18 Blood Drive 3690 Michael So how you holding up?
23067 5 18 Blood Drive 3690 Dwight I'm ok. Feel a little lopsided because of all the blood they took out of my right side.
23068 5 18 Blood Drive 3690 Michael No. No, I meant about being single today.
23069 5 18 Blood Drive 3690 Dwight Oh. Meh.
23070 5 18 Blood Drive 3690 Michael Meh, exactly. Eh.
23071 5 18 Blood Drive 3690 Dwight Eh.
23072 5 18 Blood Drive 3690 Michael Oh, here we go.
23073 5 18 Blood Drive 3690 Dwight Hello.
23074 5 18 Blood Drive 3690 Michael Hello.
23075 5 18 Blood Drive 3690 Dwight Dwight K. Schrute. Why don't you introduce me to your little friend? Hi, Dwight.
23076 5 18 Blood Drive 3690 Michael Babe alert! Hello, I'm Michael Scott, welcome to our little shindig.
23077 5 18 Blood Drive 3690 Lynn Oh, hi! I'm Lynn.
23078 5 18 Blood Drive 3690 Michael Lynn, follow me, come on in. For you we have one of our top people Kevin Malone. Kevin, come out here show your beautiful self.
23079 5 18 Blood Drive 3690 Kevin Hello.
23080 5 18 Blood Drive 3690 Lynn Hi.
23081 5 18 Blood Drive 3690 Michael So run with the ball! Run with it, Kev. Where you from?
23082 5 18 Blood Drive 3690 Kevin I'm from here!
23083 5 18 Blood Drive 3690 Michael Yeah, OK. Well, he only gets better.
23084 5 18 Blood Drive 3690 Kevin Thank you, Michael.
23085 5 18 Blood Drive 3691 Dwight I can untie any knot. I'm serious. Name a knot, any knot. Go ahead.
23086 5 18 Blood Drive 3691 Blonde I- I- believe you.
23087 5 18 Blood Drive 3691 Dwight You shouldn't believe everything you hear. In fact, there are many knots that I cannot untie. So where does a woman as charming as yourself find herself employed on a day such as today.
23088 5 18 Blood Drive 3691 Blonde Um, I work at a place that does catalogs for community colleges and small businesses.
23089 5 18 Blood Drive 3691 Dwight You must use a lot of paper.
23090 5 18 Blood Drive 3691 Blonde Oh God tons of it .
23091 5 18 Blood Drive 3692 Pam What's the rule about eating when people are in the bathroom?
23092 5 18 Blood Drive 3692 Jim I think if you ordered hot food you're allowed to eat.
23093 5 18 Blood Drive 3692 Pam Oh, damn. They've been in there for like ten minutes.
23094 5 18 Blood Drive 3692 Jim Look at that. Bob ordered hot food.
23095 5 18 Blood Drive 3692 Pam Yes. And I think they gave him too many fries.
23096 5 18 Blood Drive 3692 Jim We should help him out.
23097 5 18 Blood Drive 3693 Kevin At the Circle Drive-In they show old movies. It's really cool.
23098 5 18 Blood Drive 3693 Lynn That does sound cool.
23099 5 18 Blood Drive 3693 Kevin I used to go there with my fiance . Before she left me . No, I mean, before I left her . She left me.
23100 5 18 Blood Drive 3694 Kevin I think I blew it. It all happened so fast. So... fast.
23101 5 18 Blood Drive 3695 Michael So, Eric. You mentioned before that you are in tool and dye repair.
23102 5 18 Blood Drive 3695 Eric I am.
23103 5 18 Blood Drive 3695 Michael Meredith recently had a total hysterectomy, so that's sort of a repair. Alright, I'll let you guys talk.
23104 5 18 Blood Drive 3696 Michael It's going very well. People are mixing, a lot of hope. Cause that's what you hate to see, when hope gets crushed. Sorry, thought I heard somebody coming in. Um, so it's not too late.
23105 5 18 Blood Drive 3697 Dwight ...and the kind of discounts we're talking about are not... hold on - Michael, Why do you keep looking at the front door?
23106 5 18 Blood Drive 3697 Michael No reason.
23107 5 18 Blood Drive 3697 Dwight Is somebody after you?
23108 5 18 Blood Drive 3697 Oscar Why do you always go to that? Has anyone ever been after anyone in this office?
23109 5 18 Blood Drive 3697 Dwight Hey, it just takes one!
23110 5 18 Blood Drive 3697 Michael Nobody's after me, I just, I met a woman when I was giving blood and I thought she might come by.
23111 5 18 Blood Drive 3697 Kelly You met a woman when you were giving blood? That is so romantic.
23112 5 18 Blood Drive 3697 Michael It's not a big deal really, I just, you know met somebody, we hardly talked, I picked up her glove so I was hoping I could give it back to her.
23113 5 18 Blood Drive 3697 Kelly Oh my God, that makes it even more romantic. This is like a modern day Enchanted, it's like a fairy tale.
23114 5 18 Blood Drive 3697 Meredith She could be your soul mate.
23115 5 18 Blood Drive 3697 Dwight Oh, not likely. 3 billion woman on the planet, most of them live in Asia so the numbers just don't add up.
23116 5 18 Blood Drive 3697 Oscar It's possible.
23117 5 18 Blood Drive 3697 Kelly She could be.
23118 5 18 Blood Drive 3697 Michael Believe me its nothing. I hardly even talked to her we just, we were lying there next to each other, I think our blood bags touched.
23119 5 18 Blood Drive 3697 Kelly Aww.
23120 5 18 Blood Drive 3698 Jim Here they come.
23121 5 18 Blood Drive 3698 Pam What?
23122 5 18 Blood Drive 3698 Jim No, just kidding. Seriously though, that's enough.
23123 5 18 Blood Drive 3698 Pam Well, you should cover it with the broccoli.
23124 5 18 Blood Drive 3698 Jim Oh great, I have to cover?
23125 5 18 Blood Drive 3698 Pam Do you think they dined and dashed?
23126 5 18 Blood Drive 3698 Jim Well they didn't dine so, yeah, maybe they just dashed.
23127 5 18 Blood Drive 3698 Pam I thought we were having a nice time.
23128 5 18 Blood Drive 3698 Jim We were.
23129 5 18 Blood Drive 3698 Pam Yeah.
23130 5 18 Blood Drive 3699 Jim Empty.
23131 5 18 Blood Drive 3699 Pam Mine too.
23132 5 18 Blood Drive 3699 Jim Oh boy.
23133 5 18 Blood Drive 3699 Pam My God.
23134 5 18 Blood Drive 3699 Jim OK.
23135 5 18 Blood Drive 3700 Girl Is this the party?
23136 5 18 Blood Drive 3700 Michael Nah.
23137 5 18 Blood Drive 3701 Bob Vance OK then.
23138 5 18 Blood Drive 3701 Jim So...
23139 5 18 Blood Drive 3701 Bob Vance Where were we?
23140 5 18 Blood Drive 3701 Phyllis Bowling.
23141 5 18 Blood Drive 3701 Pam Yep, that, yeah.
23142 5 18 Blood Drive 3701 Bob Vance You didn't eat much there Jimbo.
23143 5 18 Blood Drive 3701 Jim Oh initially I did.
23144 5 18 Blood Drive 3701 Bob Vance Want some meat?
23145 5 18 Blood Drive 3701 Phyllis Oh sure, a little piece. Ooh, no mushroom though.
23146 5 18 Blood Drive 3701 Bob Vance Forgot.
23147 5 18 Blood Drive 3701 Phyllis Yeah, thank you.
23148 5 18 Blood Drive 3702 Kevin Hey, I'm sorry we did not have a chance to talk more. I get very nervous talking to pretty girls. Seriously, feel how sweaty my hand is.
23149 5 18 Blood Drive 3702 Lynn That's really sweaty.
23150 5 18 Blood Drive 3702 Kevin Are you on email?
23151 5 18 Blood Drive 3702 Lynn Oh, yeah.
23152 5 18 Blood Drive 3702 Kevin Cool. Bye.
23153 5 18 Blood Drive 3702 Lynn Bye, Kevin.
23154 5 18 Blood Drive 3703 Kevin Good Valentine's.
23155 5 18 Blood Drive 3704 Dwight So basically, the greater volume you decide to buy in, the greater discount we can give you.
23156 5 18 Blood Drive 3704 Blonde OK.
23157 5 18 Blood Drive 3704 Dwight OK, what's up?
23158 5 18 Blood Drive 3704 Blonde Look, I'm gonna go...
23159 5 18 Blood Drive 3704 Dwight Oh-oh-oh before you go, I'd just love to get a firm commitment on this. You know maybe sign--
23160 5 18 Blood Drive 3704 Blonde Look, we already have a paper supplier.
23161 5 18 Blood Drive 3704 Dwight OK. Well, thanks for wasting my time tonight, idiot. God!
23162 5 18 Blood Drive 3704 Michael Hey, you don't deserve her.
23163 5 18 Blood Drive 3704 Dwight Thanks, Michael.
23164 5 18 Blood Drive 3705 Michael Hey, if anybody wants to go...
23165 5 18 Blood Drive 3705 Oscar We can stay a little longer.
23166 5 18 Blood Drive 3705 Michael Really? Oh, thanks.
23167 5 18 Blood Drive 3705 Kelly Michael, it's time.
23168 5 18 Blood Drive 3705 Michael You know what, you guys, you guys can get out I'm gonna soldier on a little bit.
23169 5 18 Blood Drive 3705 Oscar Come on, we'll all go.
23170 5 18 Blood Drive 3705 Michael OK.
23171 5 18 Blood Drive 3706 Michael Four months ago, I dated a woman named Holly and, um, this is actually the first time that I've even considered getting back into that arena again. You know what, sometimes it's not about whether Cinderella gets her slipper back, but it's about the fact that the prince even picked up the slipper at all. There's a lot of princesses out there. You know, they have all different sizes and shapes of feet and hands so I think, I think my odds are pretty good.
23172 5 18 Blood Drive 3707 Stanley Pardon me, may I have a chocolate chip cookie? I gave blood earlier and I'm still feeling woozy.
23173 5 18 Blood Drive 3707 Blood Drive Worker Of course. That's weird. You got a cotton ball and tape and we've been using Band-Aids.
23174 5 18 Blood Drive 3707 Stanley I, uh-oh I feel so woozy I just Band-Aids.
23175 5 18 Blood Drive 3707 Phyllis Damn.
23176 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Pam Yeah, that's no problem.
23177 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Michael Pam?
23178 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Pam Sure. Uh huh.
23179 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Michael Pam? Knock, knock.
23180 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Pam I'm on the phone.
23181 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Michael I know you are. Knock, knock.
23182 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Pam You can fax it over. Yeah, 5-7-0-5-5-5-0-1--
23183 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Michael 4-9-1-7-4-5-1
23184 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Pam 0-1-7-5. Thank you. Bye, bye. It really makes us look unprofessional.
23185 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Michael They would never know it was me doing it. Here we go, Knock, knock.
23186 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Pam Who's there?
23187 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Michael Buddha.
23188 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Pam Buddha who?
23189 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Michael Buddha this bread for me, won't you?
23190 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Pam Great.
23191 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Michael I, I need something to wipe my hand.
23192 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Pam Now there's, there's butter on my desk.
23193 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Michael That was helping. It was classic.
23194 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Dwight I got a knock-knock joke.
23195 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Michael No... God.
23196 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Dwight OK, Michael, please, please, please, please, please let me.
23197 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Michael Alright.
23198 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Dwight Knock, knock.
23199 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Michael Who's there?
23200 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Dwight KGB.
23201 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Michael KGB -
23202 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Dwight We will ask the questions!
23203 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Michael What the hell was that?
23204 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Dwight What are you doing?
23205 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Michael What are you doing?
23206 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Dwight Hey! Hey! Stop it! Stop it!
23207 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Michael You, you like that?
23208 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Dwight C'mon. What are you doing? Mine was a part of my hilarious joke.
23209 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Michael Mine was retribution. What are you doing? No more knock-knock jokes. That's it.
23210 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Jim Ding Dong.
23211 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Michael Who's there?
23212 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Jim KGB.
23213 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Michael Dwight, get the door.
23214 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Dwight I'm not answering it.
23215 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Michael Answer the door.
23216 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Jim Ding dong.
23217 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Dwight No way, it's the KGB.
23218 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Jim Ding dong.
23219 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Dwight I'm not answering that. You answer it.
23220 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Michael I'm not gonna answer it
23221 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Dwight I'm not gonna answer it, it's the KGB.
23222 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Jim The KGB will wait for no one!
23223 5 19 Golden Ticket 3708 Dwight It's true.
23224 5 19 Golden Ticket 3709 Pam Good morning, Michael.
23225 5 19 Golden Ticket 3709 Michael Oh, no, no, no, no. I am not Michael. I am Willy Wonkaaaaa.
23226 5 19 Golden Ticket 3709 Pam Good morning, Mr. Wonka, here are your messages.
23227 5 19 Golden Ticket 3709 Michael Why thank you very much. Oh, what are those? What are those? Tell me, please!
23228 5 19 Golden Ticket 3709 Pam Jelly beans.
23229 5 19 Golden Ticket 3709 Michael No, no, no. They are not just ordinary jelly beans little girl. These are extraordinary jelly beans!
23230 5 19 Golden Ticket 3710 Michael The Willy Wonka Golden Ticket promotional idea is probably the best idea I have ever had. It's probably the best idea anybody has ever had. Three days ago, I slipped five pieces of gold paper into random paper shipments. This entitles the customer to ten percent off of their total order. It will be a day for them that is full of whimsy, and full of excitement and full of fantasy.
23231 5 19 Golden Ticket 3711 Michael I've written these things because it is my responsibility, as manager of this branch, to profiligate great ideas and I think I have done my part with the golden ticket promotion. Now it is your turn. I want to hear some great ideas from you that are just as good as mine. Umm hmm.
23232 5 19 Golden Ticket 3711 Jim We own our own delivery trucks. We could lease them out on the weekends --
23233 5 19 Golden Ticket 3711 Michael Too many words. Good ideas are simple. 'Golden ticket.'
23234 5 19 Golden Ticket 3711 Jim 'Free paper.'
23235 5 19 Golden Ticket 3711 Michael No. Jim. We're a business. Post-its. That is a golden ticket idea. NASA took five or six golden ticket ideas to get man on the moon.
23236 5 19 Golden Ticket 3711 Andy Golden Girls. That's a golden ticket idea, right, I mean how great was that show? Golden Grahams. Another, is it -- I don't get this...
23237 5 19 Golden Ticket 3711 Michael No, you don't. No, it - What will be the state of this company if I am the only one coming up with the great ideas? Right?
23238 5 19 Golden Ticket 3712 Kevin I think I should call her.
23239 5 19 Golden Ticket 3712 Andy No! No! No!
23240 5 19 Golden Ticket 3712 Kevin Why is it so bad for me to call and ask her to lunch today?
23241 5 19 Golden Ticket 3712 Andy You're making it too easy for her. You're just conveying, 'Oh I like you just the way you are.'
23242 5 19 Golden Ticket 3712 Kevin But I do like her just the way she is.
23243 5 19 Golden Ticket 3712 Andy Well that's not what we agreed on.
23244 5 19 Golden Ticket 3712 Jim What are you doing?
23245 5 19 Golden Ticket 3712 Andy Huh?
23246 5 19 Golden Ticket 3712 Jim Why don't you just go out on a date with her? Try to spark up an on going joke and then in a month or two, if it feels right, you'll know.
23247 5 19 Golden Ticket 3712 Andy No.
23248 5 19 Golden Ticket 3712 Pam You don't have to wait that long. I mean, you don't have to wait a month to ask her out. Just ask her out.
23249 5 19 Golden Ticket 3712 Andy You're asking him to give up all of his power.
23250 5 19 Golden Ticket 3712 Jim What power?
23251 5 19 Golden Ticket 3713 Kevin Andy, Pam, and Jim are all telling me how to deal with this girl that I like, Lynn. I, I don't like getting advice from more than one person at a time. I'm a textbook over-thinker.
23252 5 19 Golden Ticket 3714 Andy You can't let a girl feel good about herself. It will backfire on you. Every compliment has to be backhanded. 'Oh I like your dress, but I'd like it more if you had prettier hair.'
23253 5 19 Golden Ticket 3714 Pam That's psychotic. Do guys actually do that?
23254 5 19 Golden Ticket 3714 Jim Well guys with girlfriends don't.
23255 5 19 Golden Ticket 3714 Andy That's low, Tuna.
23256 5 19 Golden Ticket 3715 Jim Hey, Tom. What's that? Oh, you found a golden ticket. One of my clients found a golden ticket. Yup. No, congratulations.
23257 5 19 Golden Ticket 3715 Michael Woo hoo.
23258 5 19 Golden Ticket 3715 Jim I'll take that down right now.
23259 5 19 Golden Ticket 3715 Michael Tell me; was it a spoiled little girl with big lips...
23260 5 19 Golden Ticket 3715 Jim I'm on the phone.
23261 5 19 Golden Ticket 3715 Michael ...or an odd little boy with a cowboy obsession?
23262 5 19 Golden Ticket 3715 Jim Hold on one second.
23263 5 19 Golden Ticket 3715 Michael Invite them on the tour.
23264 5 19 Golden Ticket 3715 Jim It's actually Blue Cross from Pennsylvania.
23265 5 19 Golden Ticket 3715 Michael Really? That's kind of a big client. Hey, Oscar. Woo hoo hoo. Um, how much of a hit is ten percent of our Blue Cross account?
23266 5 19 Golden Ticket 3715 Oscar Ten percent?
23267 5 19 Golden Ticket 3715 Michael Yeah?
23268 5 19 Golden Ticket 3715 Oscar They're our largest client.
23269 5 19 Golden Ticket 3715 Michael Yeah.
23270 5 19 Golden Ticket 3715 Oscar It's gonna hurt.
23271 5 19 Golden Ticket 3715 Jim Hold on one sec. Hold on one sec, Tom, what's that? You found five golden tickets? And does it say limit one per customer? Nope, it doesn't.
23272 5 19 Golden Ticket 3716 Jim How do you not spread out the tickets into different shipments?
23273 5 19 Golden Ticket 3716 Michael I thought I did. So...
23274 5 19 Golden Ticket 3716 Jim OK...
23275 5 19 Golden Ticket 3716 Michael Well no harm no foul.
23276 5 19 Golden Ticket 3716 Jim ...well I'm going to call corporate to make sure that they know I didn't lose half my sales.
23277 5 19 Golden Ticket 3716 Michael You didn't, but... it'll be fine. It'll be good.
23278 5 19 Golden Ticket 3717 Michael Hey. Hey. Hey. You idiot.
23279 5 19 Golden Ticket 3717 Darryl Start over.
23280 5 19 Golden Ticket 3717 Michael Sir. I placed a bunch of golden tickets into five separate boxes and some how they all ended up with Blue Cross. How does this happen?
23281 5 19 Golden Ticket 3717 Darryl Were the boxes near each other?
23282 5 19 Golden Ticket 3717 Michael Irrelevant.
23283 5 19 Golden Ticket 3717 Darryl I put three pallets on the truck to Blue Cross once a week. They use a lot of paper.
23284 5 19 Golden Ticket 3717 Michael OK, I'm going to ask you something and I want you to be honest. What is a pallet?
23285 5 19 Golden Ticket 3718 Michael My golden ticket idea? OK. Why would anyone think that this is my golden ticket idea? There is a one in 13 chance that this could be anybody's golden ticket idea. That...
23286 5 19 Golden Ticket 3719 Pam Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Oh hi ,David. No, I'm sorry he's not back from the Civil Rights rally. I'll have him call you the minute he gets back from the Lincoln Memorial.
23287 5 19 Golden Ticket 3720 Pam When Michael's skirting a phone call, he gave me a list of places to say he is. 'Stopping a fight in the parking lot. ' 'An Obama fashion show. ' Whatever... that is. Or 'trapped in an oil painting.' I'm gonna save that one.
23288 5 19 Golden Ticket 3721 Michael Nobody panic. The good news is... they can't fire all of us, right?
23289 5 19 Golden Ticket 3721 Oscar They can.
23290 5 19 Golden Ticket 3721 Michael No, they can't.
23291 5 19 Golden Ticket 3721 Oscar Yes, they can.
23292 5 19 Golden Ticket 3721 Michael Oscar, you don't know what the hell you are talking about.
23293 5 19 Golden Ticket 3721 Oscar Michael, what do you think shutting down a branch is?
23294 5 19 Golden Ticket 3721 Michael Alright, then we're screwed. I am just a net that traps all of your crappy subconscious ideas and adds a little bit of my own childhood memories and whimsy, so -
23295 5 19 Golden Ticket 3721 Jim So, well I lost a ton of money today and I have a mortgage, so I'm a little pissed too.
23296 5 19 Golden Ticket 3721 Michael Thank you, Jim is with me.
23297 5 19 Golden Ticket 3721 Jim Absolutely not, I'm mad at you.
23298 5 19 Golden Ticket 3721 Michael Well you know what Jim? It is not my fault that you bought a house to impress Pam. That is why carnations exist.
23299 5 19 Golden Ticket 3721 Creed That's not why.
23300 5 19 Golden Ticket 3721 Michael OK, we need a gold ticket idea to get us out of this mess. Yes.
23301 5 19 Golden Ticket 3721 Pam Does that mean an idea that blows up in our faces later?
23302 5 19 Golden Ticket 3721 Jim Good one.
23303 5 19 Golden Ticket 3721 Michael OK, don't get that. Please?
23304 5 19 Golden Ticket 3721 Stanley I've got a golden ticket idea. Why don't you skip on up to the roof and jump off?
23305 5 19 Golden Ticket 3721 Michael That is not constructive.
23306 5 19 Golden Ticket 3721 Pam Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Oh hi, David. He's having a colonoscopy. Alright, I'll find out if he's out yet.
23307 5 19 Golden Ticket 3722 Michael Hello David. I just got back from my procedure, so--
23308 5 19 Golden Ticket 3722 David Michael, what the hell is going on here?
23309 5 19 Golden Ticket 3722 Michael How are you doing?
23310 5 19 Golden Ticket 3722 David Fine. What is going on?
23311 5 19 Golden Ticket 3722 Michael My colonoscopy was an examination of my large colon and the distal part of my small bowel with a camera.
23312 5 19 Golden Ticket 3722 David Why did you OK this golden ticket idea? We're going to lose a fortune, Michael. How could you let this happen?
23313 5 19 Golden Ticket 3722 Michael Well, there is an explanation that involves me not letting it happen and I just don't... I don't know.
23314 5 19 Golden Ticket 3722 David How could you not know Michael?
23315 5 19 Golden Ticket 3722 Michael I think we might have hired an outside marketing consultant.
23316 5 19 Golden Ticket 3722 David Might have hi--- OK, what firm?
23317 5 19 Golden Ticket 3722 Michael You're breaking up.
23318 5 19 Golden Ticket 3722 David Michael?
23319 5 19 Golden Ticket 3722 Michael OK, I think, it might have been an inside consultant.
23320 5 19 Golden Ticket 3722 David Was it the sales department?
23321 5 19 Golden Ticket 3722 Michael Yes.
23322 5 19 Golden Ticket 3722 David Was it Jim?
23323 5 19 Golden Ticket 3722 Michael No.
23324 5 19 Golden Ticket 3722 David OK, was it Dwight?
23325 5 19 Golden Ticket 3722 Michael Yes.
23326 5 19 Golden Ticket 3723 Michael Come on in. Good to see ya, have a seat. I just wanted to congratulate you on that great golden ticket idea.
23327 5 19 Golden Ticket 3723 Dwight That was your idea.
23328 5 19 Golden Ticket 3723 Michael Woah, wow, who told you that?
23329 5 19 Golden Ticket 3723 Dwight You did. Several times. Over and over again.
23330 5 19 Golden Ticket 3723 Michael No, I don't think I ever did. That was your idea Dwight.
23331 5 19 Golden Ticket 3723 Dwight You were dressed as Willy Wonka so...
23332 5 19 Golden Ticket 3723 Michael I'm not taking... I'm not taking...
23333 5 19 Golden Ticket 3723 Dwight Wasn't my idea. Loved - but I can't.
23334 5 19 Golden Ticket 3723 Michael Wait a second, wait a second, I wrote it down in my diary.
23335 5 19 Golden Ticket 3723 Dwight You don't keep a diary.
23336 5 19 Golden Ticket 3723 Michael Yes I do. You've just never seen it. March 4th. Dwight came up with the best idea today about golden tickets.
23337 5 19 Golden Ticket 3723 Dwight Hold that thought. March... 4th. Michael Scott came up with golden ticket idea to give five customers ten perfect off for one year.
23338 5 19 Golden Ticket 3723 Michael Why do you have a diary?
23339 5 19 Golden Ticket 3723 Dwight To keep secrets from my computer.
23340 5 19 Golden Ticket 3723 Michael OK, you know what? You came up with this idea. I remember you told me that you loved the Willy Wonka movie when you were growing up.
23341 5 19 Golden Ticket 3723 Dwight Impossible.
23342 5 19 Golden Ticket 3723 Michael Yes, you did.
23343 5 19 Golden Ticket 3723 Dwight I wasn't given candy as a child, so a movie that fetish-ized it that much, would have made no sense to me. Plus, we weren't allowed to see movies. So... do the math.
23344 5 19 Golden Ticket 3723 Michael What are you writing?
23345 5 19 Golden Ticket 3723 Dwight Had conversation with Michael about taking credit for an idea that wasn't mine. Discussed movies.
23346 5 19 Golden Ticket 3723 Michael Would you like to go to lunch with me? Just the two of us?
23347 5 19 Golden Ticket 3723 Dwight With all my heart.
23348 5 19 Golden Ticket 3724 Kevin You guys are throwing a lot at me.
23349 5 19 Golden Ticket 3724 Jim All I'm saying is that it's a first dates, so just keep a respectful distance.
23350 5 19 Golden Ticket 3724 Kevin Right.
23351 5 19 Golden Ticket 3724 Pam I don't think Jim means to say that you shouldn't touch her.
23352 5 19 Golden Ticket 3724 Jim No, that is what I mean.
23353 5 19 Golden Ticket 3724 Pam Shush. Kevin, a playful touch on the arm, or on the back, it can show your interest and it's really romantic.
23354 5 19 Golden Ticket 3724 Kevin Like that?
23355 5 19 Golden Ticket 3724 Jim No, stop it.
23356 5 19 Golden Ticket 3724 Andy Don't touch her. Don't talk to her. Don't look at her.
23357 5 19 Golden Ticket 3725 Andy ...turn into this black and carbon brick-where this barbeque sauce of shame and rage and two hot people with a perfect relationship would not understand that.
23358 5 19 Golden Ticket 3726 Michael We think a lot alike. Sometimes you will think something and I will say what you're thinking--
23359 5 19 Golden Ticket 3726 Dwight OK, what am I thinking right now?
23360 5 19 Golden Ticket 3726 Michael Umm, nacho chips.
23361 5 19 Golden Ticket 3726 Dwight No... How skin is the largest organ of the body.
23362 5 19 Golden Ticket 3726 Michael Oh, OK. Let me just cut to the chase, Dwight. I want you to fall on your sword for me.
23363 5 19 Golden Ticket 3726 Dwight Oh, not gonna happen.
23364 5 19 Golden Ticket 3727 Dwight I did fall on my sword once. I was running with it in my belt. Won't happen again.
23365 5 19 Golden Ticket 3728 Michael Why do you even want to stay at Dunder Mifflin? I mean what's the point? You're cooped up in there all day. You don't get to do your farming. You're not dating Angela anymore. It doesn't matter if you get fired for taking credit for the gold ticket idea. It doesn't matter. Me on the other hand, I would be lost without this place. You, way too manly.
23366 5 19 Golden Ticket 3728 Dwight What about Shoe La La?
23367 5 19 Golden Ticket 3728 Michael It's not ready yet.
23368 5 19 Golden Ticket 3729 Michael I have an idea for a fancy men's shoe store called Shoe La La. And it's just men's shoes for the special occasions in a man's life, like the day that you get married or the day your wife has a baby, or for just lounging around the house.
23369 5 19 Golden Ticket 3730 Michael May I have your attention please. I have an announcement. Mr. Dwight Schrute and I just returned from a wonderful stroll together and although I probably will never do it again, I had fun. I really had fun with my best friend, Dwight.
23370 5 19 Golden Ticket 3730 Oscar These aren't announcements.
23371 5 19 Golden Ticket 3730 Michael Yes they are, you just don't care about the information.
23372 5 19 Golden Ticket 3731 Dwight I love working here and I do not want to leave.
23373 5 19 Golden Ticket 3731 Michael He doesn't love it that much. Wouldn't be such a bad thing for him to be fired.
23374 5 19 Golden Ticket 3731 Dwight Well...
23375 5 19 Golden Ticket 3731 Michael I mean, like we were talking about that is why he has come to the conclusion...
23376 5 19 Golden Ticket 3731 Dwight We discussed the fact that I'm cooped up here instead of experiencing the whole wide world.
23377 5 19 Golden Ticket 3731 Michael Right.
23378 5 19 Golden Ticket 3731 Dwight No plowing my own acres. Going around shirtless all day. You know experiencing freedom.
23379 5 19 Golden Ticket 3731 Michael That's it. That's it. You can't put a price on freedom.
23380 5 19 Golden Ticket 3731 Dwight Try me.
23381 5 19 Golden Ticket 3731 Michael That's why you made the decision. That's why you made...
23382 5 19 Golden Ticket 3731 Dwight I haven't made a decision yet.
23383 5 19 Golden Ticket 3731 Michael You kind of have.
23384 5 19 Golden Ticket 3731 Dwight No.
23385 5 19 Golden Ticket 3731 Michael Yes.
23386 5 19 Golden Ticket 3732 Jim You cannot take the fall for him.
23387 5 19 Golden Ticket 3732 Dwight He said he would do the same for me.
23388 5 19 Golden Ticket 3732 Jim He can do the same for you. Right now. By getting fired instead of you. So what are you gonna do?
23389 5 19 Golden Ticket 3732 Dwight I'm gonna go back to work. After I write you up for insubordination.
23390 5 19 Golden Ticket 3732 Jim There it is.
23391 5 19 Golden Ticket 3733 Michael Oh my God. Dwight! Dwight! Get in--- what's it gonna be, what are you gonna do? What's it gonna be? Are you gonna do this thing for me? Dwight? Hey David, how are you? Good to see you. Nice surprise. Dwight and I were just having a very unfortunate conversation.
23392 5 19 Golden Ticket 3733 David That's too bad.
23393 5 19 Golden Ticket 3733 Michael Yes it is, but it had to be done, didn't it?
23394 5 19 Golden Ticket 3733 David Hopefully, nothing that can't be undone because Dwight I owe you an apology. The head of Blue Cross just called. They were so excited about the golden ticket discount that they have decided to make Dunder Mifflin their exclusive provider of all office supplies. Congratulations Dwight.
23395 5 19 Golden Ticket 3733 Dwight David... you're welcome.
23396 5 19 Golden Ticket 3734 David I just want to say that this golden ticket idea is one of the most brilliant signs of initiative I have ever seen at this company and how about a big round of applause for Mr. Dwight Schrute?
23397 5 19 Golden Ticket 3734 David Alright Dwight. This is huge.
23398 5 19 Golden Ticket 3734 Dwight That's what she said!
23399 5 19 Golden Ticket 3734 Michael Hey, Dwight, great idea. Dwight, Dwight, great idea. How'd you come up with that idea?
23400 5 19 Golden Ticket 3734 Dwight Inspiration.
23401 5 19 Golden Ticket 3734 Michael Really? How did-- how are you inspired? How did it pop into your head Dwight?
23402 5 19 Golden Ticket 3734 Dwight You never know when it's gonna strike. Just... boom.
23403 5 19 Golden Ticket 3734 Michael Give me the details of how that happened.
23404 5 19 Golden Ticket 3734 Jim You, you are taking about Dwight Schrute. The biggest Wonka fan I know. I mean, you've been talking about that movie for years.
23405 5 19 Golden Ticket 3734 Michael What?
23406 5 19 Golden Ticket 3734 Jim And you know what? I even made fun of you when you dressed up as Willy Wonka to pitch this idea and for that I apologize.
23407 5 19 Golden Ticket 3734 Dwight Apology rejected.
23408 5 19 Golden Ticket 3734 Pam Thanks for much for helping the company, Dwight.
23409 5 19 Golden Ticket 3734 Dwight Oh Pam.
23410 5 19 Golden Ticket 3734 Creed Good work, kid.
23411 5 19 Golden Ticket 3734 Dwight Thanks old man.
23412 5 19 Golden Ticket 3734 David This, this is great. OH, OK, look I want to get you on the horn with the marketing people in New York. The should meet you.
23413 5 19 Golden Ticket 3734 Dwight Yeah.
23414 5 19 Golden Ticket 3734 David Pam, could you set up a call in there in about 15 minutes, please?
23415 5 19 Golden Ticket 3734 Pam Sure.
23416 5 19 Golden Ticket 3734 Michael David? David?
23417 5 19 Golden Ticket 3734 Dwight 'Cause I've got this idea...
23418 5 19 Golden Ticket 3734 Michael David?
23419 5 19 Golden Ticket 3734 David Yeah?
23420 5 19 Golden Ticket 3734 Michael Could I be a part of the meeting also?
23421 5 19 Golden Ticket 3734 David You probably have too much to do around here. I don't want to uh, take up your time with another meeting.
23422 5 19 Golden Ticket 3734 Jim Yeah, let's face it. This meeting sounds like it's Wonka fans only. He's never seen the movie.
23423 5 19 Golden Ticket 3734 Dwight Alright.
23424 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 David Hey guys, I have with me Dwight Schrute. Dwight, take it away.
23425 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 Dwight OK guys, listen up. Here's the deal. I love candy. Sweet sugary candy from the second it touches my tongue to the moment it's metabolized by my stomach acids, so naturally I liked Willy Wonka.
23426 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 Man on phone Wait, do you guys hear that? There's not a dog listening in, is there? I hear panting.
23427 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 David No. No dogs.
23428 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 Dwight So I love Willy Wonka. That golden ticket scene is so inspiring to me that that's where I cam up with that idea .
23429 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 Michael There is no movie called Willy Wonka. It's called Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
23430 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 Pam It's actually based on a book called Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
23431 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 Dwight Pam...
23432 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 Michael I can't... vouch for that. But I do know this. He is a liar. He has taken my idea.
23433 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 Dwight That is my idea.
23434 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 David We are gonna call you back guys. What is going on here?
23435 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 Michael OK, here's what happened, David. It was all my idea. You called me and you were really angry at me and I got scared, so I had Dwight take the fall, but now, it turns out that it's a great idea and Dwight will not confess. Can you believe that?
23436 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 David No, no.
23437 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 Dwight It is my idea.
23438 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 Michael Oh how dare you.
23439 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 Dwight It is my idea. I'm filled with good ideas. Thousands of good ideas.
23440 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 Michael You are? Good ideas, huh? Hey, did you come up with toilet buddy? It's a net, circular net, that you put inside the toilet to catch all of your change and your wallet from falling into the toilet? Formally known as toilet guard?
23441 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 Dwight Horse Boat.
23442 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 Michael Oh please.
23443 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 Dwight A canoe built around your horse so you can go from riding to water travel without slowing down. Horse Boat!
23444 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 Michael Toilet sponge. It's a hollowed out sponge...
23445 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 Dwight Oh give me a break.
23446 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 Michael ...that is more absorbent, and softer than toilet paper. I have a lot of toilet ideas.
23447 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 Dwight That's because they're easy!
23448 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 Michael They're not easy. Everybody has to go to the bathroom.
23449 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 Dwight Women's urinals... uh...
23450 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 David Guys, guys. OK, enough. Please, enough. What, is this true, Dwight? I mean, is this true?
23451 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 Dwight Yes, it's Michael's idea that he forced on me on threat of death.
23452 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 Michael Thank You!
23453 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 David What, I don't -- what do you want me to do now, Michael? What am I supposed to do now?
23454 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 Michael Well David, I will be honest with you. I do want the credit without any of the blame.
23455 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 David OK, uhh... I am going back to New York. Pam, do me a favor, don't send me those notes.
23456 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 Pam OK.
23457 5 19 Golden Ticket 3735 David I am gone.
23458 5 19 Golden Ticket 3736 Michael When they look back on this day in the history books all that will be remembered is that I had a good idea. And that's what I am going to write down in my diary. That is what I want you to write down in yours.
23459 5 19 Golden Ticket 3736 Dwight Oh I am. In my own words.
23460 5 19 Golden Ticket 3736 Michael I want to see it.
23461 5 19 Golden Ticket 3736 Dwight No.
23462 5 19 Golden Ticket 3736 Michael I want to see it.
23463 5 19 Golden Ticket 3736 Dwight No, Michael.
23464 5 19 Golden Ticket 3736 Michael Give me... Give me the diary.
23465 5 19 Golden Ticket 3736 Dwight No!
23466 5 19 Golden Ticket 3737 Lynn Hi.
23467 5 19 Golden Ticket 3737 Kevin Lynn, I'm just gonna say to you everything that I am thinking.
23468 5 19 Golden Ticket 3737 Lynn OK.
23469 5 19 Golden Ticket 3737 Kevin I think you have the best smile. I'd like to take you out to dinner and a movie.
23470 5 19 Golden Ticket 3737 Lynn OK.
23471 5 19 Golden Ticket 3737 Kevin Nice. Boobs.
23472 5 19 Golden Ticket 3738 Andy Well, it's uh, his funeral. So... neh!
23473 5 19 Golden Ticket 3739 Dwight Ding dong.
23474 5 19 Golden Ticket 3739 Jim Who is it?
23475 5 19 Golden Ticket 3739 Dwight KGB.
23476 5 19 Golden Ticket 3739 Jim Alright. I just got out of the shower, I'll be one second.
23477 5 19 Golden Ticket 3739 Dwight When you are done, open the door. ... Hello in there?
23478 5 19 Golden Ticket 3739 Jim Yeah, I'm late for work, so I have to brush my teeth, it's a whole routine.
23479 5 19 Golden Ticket 3739 Dwight We have more houses to visit.
23480 5 19 Golden Ticket 3739 Jim If you want to come back then, that'll be fine.
23481 5 19 Golden Ticket 3739 Dwight We will come back at... how is 4:45?
23482 5 19 Golden Ticket 3739 Jim I get back from work around 6.
23483 5 19 Golden Ticket 3739 Dwight How about 5:15?
23484 5 19 Golden Ticket 3739 Jim You can try. That, that might work.
23485 5 19 Golden Ticket 3739 Dwight Very well, we will come back at 5:15.
23486 5 19 Golden Ticket 3739 Jim Alright.
23487 5 20 New Boss 3740 Dwight Michael, since it is your fifteenth anniversary at the company, I thought it might be appropriate to begin the festivities with a fifteen-minute round of applause.
23488 5 20 New Boss 3740 Michael I like it.
23489 5 20 New Boss 3740 Dwight Followed by a fifteen minute moment of silence.
23490 5 20 New Boss 3740 Jim I don't know. Is it classy enough?
23491 5 20 New Boss 3740 Dwight Jim! Enough with the classy, ok?
23492 5 20 New Boss 3740 Jim I just feel like after fifteen years at this company, bravo by the way, that we should celebrate with a very classy event, a night to remember.
23493 5 20 New Boss 3740 Michael I think you're right. This party has to have all the excitement, drama and intrigue of my time here.
23494 5 20 New Boss 3740 Jim And of course, classy.
23495 5 20 New Boss 3740 Michael And classy, yeah.
23496 5 20 New Boss 3740 Dwight Michael, you're just agreeing with him because he's wearing a tux. Don't you see what he's doing here?
23497 5 20 New Boss 3741 Jim Last week, Dwight sent out a memo about the dress code. So, this is me showing him that I'm taking it very seriously.
23498 5 20 New Boss 3742 Dwight Oh, here's one: a string quartet, playing classy-cal music.
23499 5 20 New Boss 3742 Michael You know, that's good but it's not classy. I-I need something classy like the opening of a car dealership.
23500 5 20 New Boss 3742 Jim That's it. Or Mr. Peanut.
23501 5 20 New Boss 3742 Michael Yes.
23502 5 20 New Boss 3742 Dwight Mr. Peanut is not classy.
23503 5 20 New Boss 3742 Michael He is.
23504 5 20 New Boss 3742 Dwight He is a regular peanut. He just happens to have a cane, a monocle and a top hat.
23505 5 20 New Boss 3742 Michael That's what makes him classy.
23506 5 20 New Boss 3742 Dwight Ok, how about this? An ice sculpture, shaped like you, covered in chocolate-covered strawberries.
23507 5 20 New Boss 3742 Jim Oh, Dwight, you're trying too hard, and that's just not classy. You see, the thing about classy is it's a state of mind.
23508 5 20 New Boss 3742 Dwight Well, I'm sorry, I just don't know what classy is then.
23509 5 20 New Boss 3742 Jim Ok, well let's just try this one on for size. And I apologize because it's right off the top of my head: an ice sculpture. Of you. Completely surrounded by a variety of chocolate-covered fruits.
23510 5 20 New Boss 3742 Michael Strawberries?
23511 5 20 New Boss 3742 Jim That's inspired.
23512 5 20 New Boss 3742 Dwight I said that!
23513 5 20 New Boss 3742 Pam Not classy.
23514 5 20 New Boss 3742 Michael Not classy at all.
23515 5 20 New Boss 3742 Jim De classé.
23516 5 20 New Boss 3742 Michael French. Classy.
23517 5 20 New Boss 3743 Pam Hi, can I help you?
23518 5 20 New Boss 3743 Charles Yeah, I'm Charles Miner, here to see Michael Scott.
23519 5 20 New Boss 3743 Pam Sure. Just one second. Please have a seat.
23520 5 20 New Boss 3743 Michael Yes?
23521 5 20 New Boss 3743 Pam Michael, there's a Charles Miner here to see you.
23522 5 20 New Boss 3743 Michael Miner? I hardly know her!... Hello?
23523 5 20 New Boss 3743 Pam Yeah, are you coming out now?
23524 5 20 New Boss 3743 Michael Uh-huh. Well, well, well, who have we here? Ah, it is Prince Charles Miner. At your service. Everybody, this is Sir Charles Miner and he is the new VP for the Northeast region. So, just give it up for this big guy, right? Give it up. Here he is.
23525 5 20 New Boss 3743 Charles I-I was-
23526 5 20 New Boss 3743 Michael Wow! Hold that thought. I want everybody to go into the break room. I have a little surprise for you. Go ahead. You too. Dwight, would you escort our guest in there? C'mon, here we go, don't be shy, don't be shy, you're one of us . Dwight, stall him a little, I have to get the fish.
23527 5 20 New Boss 3743 Jim Hey.
23528 5 20 New Boss 3743 Michael Yes.
23529 5 20 New Boss 3743 Jim Really wish you would have told me the new boss was coming today.
23530 5 20 New Boss 3743 Michael What? No, I didn't want to make everybody nervous.
23531 5 20 New Boss 3743 Jim Nope. I mean, I could have brought a change of clothes, or-
23532 5 20 New Boss 3743 Michael You look dynamite. What are you talking about? Very slick. Ok, get the fish.
23533 5 20 New Boss 3744 Dwight Originally founded in 1866, Scranton quickly became one of Pennsylvania's largest anthracite coal-mining communities.
23534 5 20 New Boss 3744 Michael Surprise, there is nothing in here. The real surprise is in the conference room. Let's go! Oh! God! Ok, come on, come on!
23535 5 20 New Boss 3744 Dwight We'll finish it up later, but essentially what we're talking about is...
23536 5 20 New Boss 3745 Michael Surprise! As you can see, I turned the bagels from O's into C's, for Charles.
23537 5 20 New Boss 3745 Charles Thank you.
23538 5 20 New Boss 3745 Michael Took me all night.
23539 5 20 New Boss 3745 Pam This is what you did last night?
23540 5 20 New Boss 3746 Michael I met this guy at corporate last week and we were just digging each other's vibe. I was totally grooving on him and vice-versa. And besides, the last two people to have his job were Jan and Ryan. The former was my lover, and the latter my best friend. So, who knows? I do. It's gonna be mental! It's going to be mental.
23541 5 20 New Boss 3747 Kelly My god, he's like a black George Clooney.
23542 5 20 New Boss 3747 Angela Really? I don't see it. I mean, he's ok, he's not unattractive, it's. . .
23543 5 20 New Boss 3748 Jim Hey, how you doing? Jim Halpert, sales. Just wanted to say, if you need anything, let me know.
23544 5 20 New Boss 3748 Charles Why are you wearing a tuxedo?
23545 5 20 New Boss 3748 Jim I didn't think you'd notice. Uh, it's funny actually, there's another salesman out here, Dwight Schrute, and he sent out this memo, as he always does, and, uh, it was about professionalism in the workplace. Of course, he singled me out. So I just had to mess with him.
23546 5 20 New Boss 3748 Charles Uh.
23547 5 20 New Boss 3748 Jim Oh, you'd understand if you read the memo which I should probably get you, there's probably one in a drawer... uh. It was pretty crazy. But, uh, not more crazy than wearing a tux, at work, I grant you that... so, uh.
23548 5 20 New Boss 3748 Charles Your name is Jim?
23549 5 20 New Boss 3748 Jim Jim Halpert, yep. So, um, just going to let you get back to it...
23550 5 20 New Boss 3749 Pam He just had to wear his tux today.
23551 5 20 New Boss 3749 Jim I thought it'd be funny.
23552 5 20 New Boss 3749 Pam Took him 40 minutes to get ready.
23553 5 20 New Boss 3750 Michael All right, let me introduce you to some of the troops. Accounting, front and center. Come on up here. I'd like you to meet somebody. This is the accounting department.
23554 5 20 New Boss 3750 Charles Hey, I come from accounting, too.
23555 5 20 New Boss 3750 Michael Oh, nerd alert!
23556 5 20 New Boss 3750 Kevin Ni-
23557 5 20 New Boss 3750 Michael This is Oscar Martinez. He is Latino. And he just got out of a long-term relationship with a man, Gil, who broke his heart. But he didn't bring any of that into work, it did not affect his job performance whatsoever and I am very proud of him for that.
23558 5 20 New Boss 3750 Charles Hey, Oscar, it's good to meet you.
23559 5 20 New Boss 3750 Michael This little hell-raiser is Angela. She has slept with a bunch of different guys in the office. One over there, in the orange
23560 5 20 New Boss 3750 Andy Hey-o!
23561 5 20 New Boss 3750 Michael There you go! Where's the other?
23562 5 20 New Boss 3750 Charles You know, Michael, I don't need to know everyone's sexual history.
23563 5 20 New Boss 3750 Michael Well, perfect, because we have now arrived at Kevin and he has no sexual history.
23564 5 20 New Boss 3750 Kevin Hey!
23565 5 20 New Boss 3750 Charles How about I just say hi to everyone at one time?
23566 5 20 New Boss 3750 Michael Good. Good, good, good. Everyone, please give it up for Charles Miner.
23567 5 20 New Boss 3750 Charles Thank you, Michael. Thank you for the C-shaped bagels.
23568 5 20 New Boss 3750 Michael Oh! Well...
23569 5 20 New Boss 3750 Charles That's great.
23570 5 20 New Boss 3750 Michael Above and beyond.
23571 5 20 New Boss 3750 Charles Hey, you know we're in tough times and we're not immune to this economy.
23572 5 20 New Boss 3750 Michael That's true.
23573 5 20 New Boss 3750 Charles But the goal is to, you know, fight our way through this.
23574 5 20 New Boss 3750 Stanley Stanley Hudson. Are there gonna be layoffs?
23575 5 20 New Boss 3750 Michael No. Absolutely not.
23576 5 20 New Boss 3750 Charles Uh, hold on, Michael, thank you. Uh, Stanley, you know, we can't make any promises, but we'll try everything in our power to avoid that.
23577 5 20 New Boss 3750 Oscar Do you have specifics?
23578 5 20 New Boss 3750 Charles Sp-Well, um, Michael should have filled you in last week.
23579 5 20 New Boss 3750 Michael Well, due to the economy, there is a lot of worry going around. I didn't want to worry people.
23580 5 20 New Boss 3750 Charles You didn't tell them.
23581 5 20 New Boss 3750 Michael Well, why don't-
23582 5 20 New Boss 3750 Charles Yeah, I will. What I told Michael last week-
23583 5 20 New Boss 3750 Michael Charles is going to tell you.
23584 5 20 New Boss 3750 Charles Is that we are cutting three percent across the board, which means we will no longer be matching 401k contributions. All overtime requests will need to come through the corporate office.
23585 5 20 New Boss 3750 Stanley Fantastic.
23586 5 20 New Boss 3750 Michael Well, it's not official.
23587 5 20 New Boss 3750 Charles It is official. It is official. And actually, guys, I'm encouraging branches to consider a freeze on discretionary spending.
23588 5 20 New Boss 3750 Michael Such as salary, benefits, etc, etc. Insurance.
23589 5 20 New Boss 3750 Charles No, no, not salaries. Petty cash, supplies, and uh, you know, parties.
23590 5 20 New Boss 3750 Michael Well-
23591 5 20 New Boss 3750 Dwight What about your party?
23592 5 20 New Boss 3750 Michael Ok, ok, you know what? I think this has been great. I think this gives us a lot to think about, doesn't it? Charles Miner, ladies and gentlemen. He has a long trip home. Thank you for coming in. We have to get back to work.
23593 5 20 New Boss 3750 Charles Michael, I'm going to stay for the day.
23594 5 20 New Boss 3750 Michael Oh no, no, no. You don't have to do that. I've got this covered. This was just a meet-and-greet.
23595 5 20 New Boss 3750 Charles No, it's a little bit more than that. I'm going to set up in here, ok?
23596 5 20 New Boss 3751 Michael I am thrilled that the new boss has taken such an active interest in all of the responsibilities that I'm supposed to have. Thrilled.
23597 5 20 New Boss 3752 Michael David, it was my understanding that I was not going to be managed.
23598 5 20 New Boss 3752 David What gave you that idea?
23599 5 20 New Boss 3752 Michael It was my understanding.
23600 5 20 New Boss 3752 David I see.
23601 5 20 New Boss 3752 Michael Listen, why don't we just leave that position vacant? Truth be told, I think I thrive under a lack of accountability.
23602 5 20 New Boss 3752 David Look, Michael, Charles is very qualified. Get to know him. I really think the two of you are going to make a great team.
23603 5 20 New Boss 3752 Michael But the branch is still mine?
23604 5 20 New Boss 3752 David You're still the branch manager, yes, and if you need anything else at all, just let Charles know.
23605 5 20 New Boss 3752 Dwight Ask him about the party.
23606 5 20 New Boss 3752 Michael Oh, right. David, are you coming to my fifteenth anniversary party?
23607 5 20 New Boss 3752 David I'll give it my best shot, Michael.
23608 5 20 New Boss 3752 Dwight No the other thing.
23609 5 20 New Boss 3752 Michael Oh, ok. If we hire Cirque de Soleil as salaried employees, will that help us with year-end tax stuff?
23610 5 20 New Boss 3752 Dwight He hung up?
23611 5 20 New Boss 3752 David No.
23612 5 20 New Boss 3753 Michael I just got off the horn with David Wallace, and he said that you and I should try to get to know each other better. And I agree, so what I would like you to do is tell me something that you've never told anybody before.
23613 5 20 New Boss 3753 Charles No.
23614 5 20 New Boss 3753 Michael Come on. What's your wife's name? Where did you work before you came here?
23615 5 20 New Boss 3753 Charles Saticoy Steel.
23616 5 20 New Boss 3753 Michael Beautiful. See, African-Americans have such a rich history of unusual names.
23617 5 20 New Boss 3753 Charles No, I worked at a company called Saticoy Steel.
23618 5 20 New Boss 3753 Michael You're not from paper?
23619 5 20 New Boss 3753 Charles No.
23620 5 20 New Boss 3753 Michael Does David know this?
23621 5 20 New Boss 3753 Charles Yeah, he knows. He just wants a good manager.
23622 5 20 New Boss 3753 Michael Well that, actually, is an excellent segue into really what is my only point-
23623 5 20 New Boss 3753 Charles And what is that?
23624 5 20 New Boss 3753 Michael And that- I-I don't need to be managed, Charles. And if you want pick up some tips, observing here, and take them to the other branches, it's all good. But Jan would mostly come by when she was super horny, and Ryan would come by to visit his parents and do laundry, so... Are we clear?
23625 5 20 New Boss 3753 Charles That's not how I plan on doing things.
23626 5 20 New Boss 3753 Michael Ok, alright, well I'll just bounce that off David, see what comes back.
23627 5 20 New Boss 3753 Charles I'll tell David what he needs to know. Sorry. David wants it this way.
23628 5 20 New Boss 3753 Michael Whatever David wants.
23629 5 20 New Boss 3753 Charles Ok.
23630 5 20 New Boss 3754 Michael Michael Scott calling for David. Well, just tell him to call me ASAP as possible. Thanks.
23631 5 20 New Boss 3754 Dwight Oh, Michael, come on, no. You have to charm 'em.
23632 5 20 New Boss 3754 Stephanie David Wallace's office.
23633 5 20 New Boss 3754 Dwight Hey there, gorgeous. How you doing today?
23634 5 20 New Boss 3754 Stephanie Good. Thank you.
23635 5 20 New Boss 3754 Dwight How's it hanging?
23636 5 20 New Boss 3754 Stephanie Alright. . .
23637 5 20 New Boss 3754 Dwight Good. Listen, my name is, uh, Michael... Scotch. And, uh, I just wanted to say that, uh, I've got David Wallace's son in the trunk of my car. If he doesn't get on this phone in 5 seconds-
23638 5 20 New Boss 3754 Michael No! You idiot! Idiot, idiot, idiot! What are you doing? God! Oh my god.
23639 5 20 New Boss 3754 Stephanie David Wallace's office.
23640 5 20 New Boss 3754 Michael Hi Stephanie, it's Michael Scott again. I just spoke with Michael Scotch and the son's going to be returned, everything's fine.
23641 5 20 New Boss 3754 Stephanie Michael...
23642 5 20 New Boss 3754 Michael And I really really need to talk to David.
23643 5 20 New Boss 3754 Stephanie Please hold.
23644 5 20 New Boss 3754 Charles Charles Miner. Hello? Hello, who is this? Who is this?
23645 5 20 New Boss 3754 Michael I was never given a name.
23646 5 20 New Boss 3755 Pam Uh, hi, can I help you? I don't think anyone here-
23647 5 20 New Boss 3755 Charles Oh, uh, Pam? Hey everyone, lunch is on me today.
23648 5 20 New Boss 3755 Angela That is so unnecessary!
23649 5 20 New Boss 3755 Michael Are you kidding me with this? On the day that I bring in breakfast?
23650 5 20 New Boss 3755 Charles It's no big deal.
23651 5 20 New Boss 3755 Michael I wish you had told us sooner, because I was going to go to the vending machine and get an egg salad.
23652 5 20 New Boss 3755 Charles You still have that option.
23653 5 20 New Boss 3755 Angela Thanks again, Charles.
23654 5 20 New Boss 3755 Kelly Thank you.
23655 5 20 New Boss 3755 Michael Nobody thanked me.
23656 5 20 New Boss 3755 Jim Thanks, Charles.
23657 5 20 New Boss 3755 Michael For breakfast. Except Charles. You say no more parties, and then you spend all of this money on lunch, I think it's a little hypercritical.
23658 5 20 New Boss 3755 Charles I do this for every branch I go to. If you do not like it, then I think there are some bagels left over from this morning.
23659 5 20 New Boss 3756 Michael Damn it, Stephanie, put me through to him. Is that him in the background? David? David! David, pick up the phone!
23660 5 20 New Boss 3757 Kelly Should I seduce him?
23661 5 20 New Boss 3757 Angela No. No one wants to see that.
23662 5 20 New Boss 3758 Kevin Michael?
23663 5 20 New Boss 3758 Michael Yep.
23664 5 20 New Boss 3758 Kevin I just realized that I used the 2008 calendar to do the spreadsheets for January and February. I may need to come in this weekend to fix it.
23665 5 20 New Boss 3758 Michael Do some overtime? You want to do some overtime this weekend? You know what, Kevin, I applaud your initiative. Yes. You may.
23666 5 20 New Boss 3758 Charles Uh, no, sorry, Michael. No, Kevin, right? We're going to need you to do that during office hours.
23667 5 20 New Boss 3758 Kevin Ok.
23668 5 20 New Boss 3758 Charles Ok.
23669 5 20 New Boss 3758 Michael Kevin? This is my branch. You don't ask Charles. You ask me. I say, approved.
23670 5 20 New Boss 3758 Charles That's not the way it's gonna work.
23671 5 20 New Boss 3758 Michael Yes it is!
23672 5 20 New Boss 3758 Charles No, it is not.
23673 5 20 New Boss 3758 Michael No, it is not.
23674 5 20 New Boss 3758 Charles Ok, so we're on the same page, great.
23675 5 20 New Boss 3758 Michael Ok, so we're on the same page, great.
23676 5 20 New Boss 3758 Charles Ok, Michael, what are you doing?
23677 5 20 New Boss 3758 Michael Ok, Michael, what are you doing?
23678 5 20 New Boss 3758 Charles No, seriously.
23679 5 20 New Boss 3758 Michael No, seriously.
23680 5 20 New Boss 3758 Charles How old are you?
23681 5 20 New Boss 3758 Michael How old are you?
23682 5 20 New Boss 3758 Pam Oh no.
23683 5 20 New Boss 3759 Pam I can tell Michael's mood by which comedy routine he chooses to do, the more infantile, the more upset he is. And he just skipped the Ace Ventura talking butt thing. He never skips it. This is bad.
23684 5 20 New Boss 3760 Charles Five years old?
23685 5 20 New Boss 3760 Michael Five years old?
23686 5 20 New Boss 3760 Andy Duuudes, stop.
23687 5 20 New Boss 3760 Employees Not a good idea, Michael. Michael, stop. Stop doing that. Stop it. You're going to get all of us in trouble.
23688 5 20 New Boss 3760 Charles I will walk away.
23689 5 20 New Boss 3760 Michael I'm gonna walk away.
23690 5 20 New Boss 3760 Andy Stop doing that!
23691 5 20 New Boss 3760 Michael I'm kidding around, wow! Relax, everybody, it's just a joke. It's fine. Boy, so touchy. PPC, let's continue our morning meeting in the conference room.
23692 5 20 New Boss 3761 Pam And then, out of that cake, pops another stripper holding a smaller cake. And then an even smaller stripper pops out of that one.
23693 5 20 New Boss 3761 Michael What is that smaller stripper holding?
23694 5 20 New Boss 3761 Pam Cupcake. It's cupcakes and strippers all the way down.
23695 5 20 New Boss 3761 Michael Ok.
23696 5 20 New Boss 3762 Charles What exactly is the PPC?
23697 5 20 New Boss 3762 Phyllis Oh, that's the Party Planning Committee. They spend hours planning parties.
23698 5 20 New Boss 3763 Charles Excuse me, guys. What's going on in here?
23699 5 20 New Boss 3763 Michael Party Planning Committee. Not your concern, Charles.
23700 5 20 New Boss 3763 Charles This doesn't seem like a good way to spend company time.
23701 5 20 New Boss 3763 Michael Really? Well then how would we come up with great ideas like Jim's? Go ahead.
23702 5 20 New Boss 3763 Jim No, I would like to get back to work, actually, please.
23703 5 20 New Boss 3763 Charles Whatcha got, Jim?... What is a two-way petting zoo?
23704 5 20 New Boss 3763 Jim You pet the animals and they pet you back.
23705 5 20 New Boss 3763 Michael It's a great idea. And we have a cake in the shape of a bale of hay.
23706 5 20 New Boss 3763 Pam It's really just a regular shaped cake.
23707 5 20 New Boss 3763 Michael But it's cool, and it's-
23708 5 20 New Boss 3763 Charles This isn't a good use of company time, Michael.
23709 5 20 New Boss 3763 Michael Whoa. You're talking about my anniversary party, so. . .
23710 5 20 New Boss 3763 Charles Everyone, except for Michael, go back to your desks.
23711 5 20 New Boss 3763 Michael Yeah, why don't you do that?
23712 5 20 New Boss 3763 Charles Thank you very much.
23713 5 20 New Boss 3763 Michael Yeah, here we go. Ok.
23714 5 20 New Boss 3763 Charles Ok, Michael, I'm dissolving this committee.
23715 5 20 New Boss 3763 Michael What?
23716 5 20 New Boss 3763 Charles Yeah, I mean, come on. This is a work place. It isn't designed for your vanity.
23717 5 20 New Boss 3763 Michael Newsflash: I've been here for fifteen years. Headline: You have been here one day. End of story. You have no right to cancel my fifteenth anniversary party. End of story. End of story. End of story!
23718 5 20 New Boss 3763 Charles I don't know if I have hurt your feelings or you do not disagree with my methods, but it is over.
23719 5 20 New Boss 3763 Michael Ok, no, no, no, no. No. You know what? I'm going to New York. And I am going to talk to David Wallace. I'm going to tell him everything. And I'm sorry to say, you're screwed. And, you know what? You are gonna be through. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry to do that to you. Do you even know how paper is made? It's not like steel. You don't put it into a furnace. If you put paper into a furnace, you know what would happen? You'd ruin it.
23720 5 20 New Boss 3764 Charles Come in.
23721 5 20 New Boss 3764 Jim Hey.
23722 5 20 New Boss 3764 Charles Hey.
23723 5 20 New Boss 3764 Jim Alright, Charles, I've gotta be honest. I think we really got off on the wrong foot here. And, truth be told, I'm a pretty smart guy, and, uh, a hard-worker. And a great number two for the office.
23724 5 20 New Boss 3764 Charles Number two?
23725 5 20 New Boss 3764 Jim Second-in-command to Michael.
23726 5 20 New Boss 3764 Charles Oh, I didn't know that position existed.
23727 5 20 New Boss 3764 Jim Oh, that's because at first it was a made up position for Dwight, just to make him feel better, assistant to the regional manager. But then he lost that, and Michael gave it to me.
23728 5 20 New Boss 3764 Charles So you're the assistant to the regional manager?
23729 5 20 New Boss 3764 Jim Assistant regional manager, yeah.
23730 5 20 New Boss 3764 Charles Any responsibilities come with it?
23731 5 20 New Boss 3764 Jim No, not exactly.
23732 5 20 New Boss 3764 Charles So you keep this made up position? It's important to you?
23733 5 20 New Boss 3764 Jim Alright, I will, um, I'm just gonna let you get back to that.
23734 5 20 New Boss 3764 Charles Yeah, would you, uh?
23735 5 20 New Boss 3764 Jim Yep.
23736 5 20 New Boss 3765 Michael Hello, Stephanie. Ok, where is he?
23737 5 20 New Boss 3766 David Michael.
23738 5 20 New Boss 3766 Michael So is this the meeting you've been in all day?
23739 5 20 New Boss 3766 David How did you get here, Michael?
23740 5 20 New Boss 3766 Michael I drove.
23741 5 20 New Boss 3766 David Ok.
23742 5 20 New Boss 3767 Michael Cancelled my fifteenth anniversary party. Just pulled the rug out from under me. And he said no figs. I've already bought em. And I don't have a place to store them. So, I feel like I've been sort of boned.
23743 5 20 New Boss 3767 David Michael. Listen-
23744 5 20 New Boss 3767 Michael Do you talk to him about this? You've talked to him all day, obviously. Did you talk to him about this?
23745 5 20 New Boss 3767 David Well, I didn't know about the figs, specifically. . .
23746 5 20 New Boss 3767 Michael Ok. Then I don't get it. It doesn't make any sense to me. Because I thought in the new system I was supposed to talk to Charles, and then Charles was supposed to talk to you, and that would dilute any need for me to ever talk to you again.
23747 5 20 New Boss 3767 David That's not exactly-
23748 5 20 New Boss 3767 Michael Clearly that's what you wanted.
23749 5 20 New Boss 3767 David No.
23750 5 20 New Boss 3767 Michael Fifteen years I have been here. And I have sacrificed a lot.
23751 5 20 New Boss 3767 David Yes.
23752 5 20 New Boss 3767 Michael I've put having a family on hold.
23753 5 20 New Boss 3767 David We didn't ask you to do that.
23754 5 20 New Boss 3767 Michael And I've never gone hang-gliding. And I've never driven my car to the top of Mount Washington.
23755 5 20 New Boss 3768 Charles Ok. Nice meeting everyone. I'll see you in a couple of weeks.
23756 5 20 New Boss 3768 Andy Cool.
23757 5 20 New Boss 3768 Dwight Excellent.
23758 5 20 New Boss 3768 Angela It was very nice meeting you, Charles Miner.
23759 5 20 New Boss 3768 Jim See ya. See ya. Bye!
23760 5 20 New Boss 3769 Jim And for my next trick, I will make my career disappear.
23761 5 20 New Boss 3770 Kelly I could see our kids facing obstacles being half-Black and half-Indian, but it's so worth it, you guys.
23762 5 20 New Boss 3770 Phyllis It's just me here.
23763 5 20 New Boss 3770 Kelly I am going to get him to buy me a prime rib tonight.
23764 5 20 New Boss 3770 Phyllis I think he left.
23765 5 20 New Boss 3770 Kelly What?! Move!
23766 5 20 New Boss 3771 Angela Hello, Charles? Charles!
23767 5 20 New Boss 3771 Kelly Hey! Is that his scarf?
23768 5 20 New Boss 3771 Angela No!
23769 5 20 New Boss 3772 Angela Charles and Kelly? Absolutely not. He is a sophisticated man. He does not need to go dumpster-diving for companionship, ok?
23770 5 20 New Boss 3773 Michael I don't understand that after fifteen years of service here, I have to get in the car and drive to New York in order to talk to you. That doesn't seem right to me. That doesn't seem fair. And I think that I've earned more than that.
23771 5 20 New Boss 3773 David Yeah. You're right. Yes. I get it. I get it, Michael. Here's what I'm going to do-
23772 5 20 New Boss 3773 Michael Ok.
23773 5 20 New Boss 3773 David We will move some money around, and I will personally see to it that you have your party, you have your figs. I will be in attendance. It's gonna be great. How's that?
23774 5 20 New Boss 3773 Michael I quit.
23775 5 20 New Boss 3773 David What?
23776 5 20 New Boss 3773 Michael You have no idea how high I can fly.
23777 5 21 Two Weeks 3774 Michael I had no idea when I got in that car and headed to New York I was going to quit. I got on that ramp and I thought two hours, two hours to go. Feeling good. Listen to some tunes. Should've peed before I left.
23778 5 21 Two Weeks 3774 Kelly Michael get to the good part.
23779 5 21 Two Weeks 3774 Michael Okay, so. I get up to the building, I get to the revolving door... broken! So I have to take the normal door.
23780 5 21 Two Weeks 3774 Oscar At least he is in the building.
23781 5 21 Two Weeks 3774 Michael No, No! I was so nervous it was the wrong building! I walked into the wrong building!
23782 5 21 Two Weeks 3775 Pam He finally has a story everyone wants to hear... and he knows it.
23783 5 21 Two Weeks 3776 Pam Okay focus. Focus. You're in the right building, you're with the right people; what happened?
23784 5 21 Two Weeks 3776 Michael I looked at Wallace and I said "I quit!" and as I turned to leave I looked back and I said "You have no idea how high I can fly."
23785 5 21 Two Weeks 3776 Stanley Did you tell him how sick of him you were?
23786 5 21 Two Weeks 3776 Michael Why would I do that?
23787 5 21 Two Weeks 3776 Angela Well, wouldn't it feel good to tell him that he was incompetent?
23788 5 21 Two Weeks 3776 Kevin That he's wasted 15 years of your life?
23789 5 21 Two Weeks 3776 Meredith Did you spit in his face?
23790 5 21 Two Weeks 3776 Michael You guys have thought about this a lot more than I have. I just winged it.
23791 5 21 Two Weeks 3777 Oscar I love a good quitting story. It makes me feel like I have control over my own life. Gives me hope. Maybe I will have one of own someday. But I dream... so...
23792 5 21 Two Weeks 3778 Jim About a week ago, Michael gave his 2-week notice. And, surprisingly there is a very big difference between Michael trying and Michael not trying.
23793 5 21 Two Weeks 3779 Kevin Michael is that scotch?
23794 5 21 Two Weeks 3779 Michael Scotch with Splenda. Tastes like Splenda, gets you drunk like scotch. Clinky, clinky-clink. Come-on... come on, come on.
23795 5 21 Two Weeks 3780 Michael What am I gonna do? I'll tell ya what I'm gonna do. I gonna do a little bit of this, a little bit of that. I gonna stay up all day. Gonna sleep it up all night. I'm gonna give it a OHH! HEY! HO! And I'm going to stop worrying about calories.
23796 5 21 Two Weeks 3781 Stanley Maybe you should go into your office, close the door, and make some calls about jobs?
23797 5 21 Two Weeks 3781 Michael I have a job.
23798 5 21 Two Weeks 3781 Andy For four more days.
23799 5 21 Two Weeks 3781 Pam Do you have any leads on a job?
23800 5 21 Two Weeks 3781 Michael Pam, what you don't understand is that at my level you just don't look in the want-ads for a job. You are head-hunted.
23801 5 21 Two Weeks 3781 Jim You called any headhunters?
23802 5 21 Two Weeks 3781 Michael Any good headhunter knows I am available.
23803 5 21 Two Weeks 3781 Dwight Any really good headhunter would storm your village at sunset with overwhelming force and cut off your head with a ceremonial knife,
23804 5 21 Two Weeks 3781 Jim Right, cause that's what we are talking about.
23805 5 21 Two Weeks 3781 Charles Uh, I need you to go over this client list and indicate any wrong or false data.
23806 5 21 Two Weeks 3781 Michael You're 'I need you to' is my command.
23807 5 21 Two Weeks 3781 Charles Okay.
23808 5 21 Two Weeks 3782 Andy Hey Michael...
23809 5 21 Two Weeks 3782 Michael Hey.
23810 5 21 Two Weeks 3782 Andy Can I talk to you a minute?
23811 5 21 Two Weeks 3782 Michael You can talk to me for as long as you want. I have all the time in the world. Oh God! Blech! Phyllis!
23812 5 21 Two Weeks 3782 Andy I just wanted to tell you that... Oh What? What's that?
23813 5 21 Two Weeks 3782 Michael Oh! Hey. What is this about?
23814 5 21 Two Weeks 3782 Andy Um, you know, cause your leaving and so, it's a farewell...
23815 5 21 Two Weeks 3782 Michael Oh.
23816 5 21 Two Weeks 3782 Andy I hope I get to work with you someday again.
23817 5 21 Two Weeks 3782 Michael Me too, me too. Is this wine?
23818 5 21 Two Weeks 3782 Andy Ah... busted. Yes
23819 5 21 Two Weeks 3782 Michael I already have wine.
23820 5 21 Two Weeks 3782 Andy Oh.
23821 5 21 Two Weeks 3783 Isaac Hello.
23822 5 21 Two Weeks 3783 Pam Hi.
23823 5 21 Two Weeks 3783 Isaac Isaac Silby here for the interview
23824 5 21 Two Weeks 3783 Pam Uh, yes. Please have a seat. It'll be a few minutes.
23825 5 21 Two Weeks 3783 Isaac Thank you. You interviewing too?
23826 5 21 Two Weeks 3783 Michael Hmm?
23827 5 21 Two Weeks 3783 Isaac Interviewing?
23828 5 21 Two Weeks 3783 Michael For?
23829 5 21 Two Weeks 3783 Isaac Regional manager.
23830 5 21 Two Weeks 3783 Michael Yes I am.
23831 5 21 Two Weeks 3784 Charles For regional manager I've decided to go with an outside hire. For obvious reasons.
23832 5 21 Two Weeks 3785 Michael Where you from?
23833 5 21 Two Weeks 3785 Isaac Philly.
23834 5 21 Two Weeks 3785 Michael That's a drive!
23835 5 21 Two Weeks 3785 Isaac Yeah, well this is one of the few places that's hiring. It's uh, its brutal out there.
23836 5 21 Two Weeks 3786 Kevin Pam?
23837 5 21 Two Weeks 3786 Pam Hmm?
23838 5 21 Two Weeks 3786 Kevin When will the new copier be ready?
23839 5 21 Two Weeks 3786 Pam I'm working on it Kev.
23840 5 21 Two Weeks 3786 Kevin You said it would be ready by today. And it is today.
23841 5 21 Two Weeks 3786 Pam It'll be ready soon.
23842 5 21 Two Weeks 3786 Kevin Soon could mean anything. Soon could be 3 weeks.
23843 5 21 Two Weeks 3786 Pam Is that what 'soon' means to you?
23844 5 21 Two Weeks 3786 Kevin Sometimes.
23845 5 21 Two Weeks 3786 Pam Then come back soon.
23846 5 21 Two Weeks 3787 Pam During the course of business, a copier goes though something called 'Normal wear and tear.'
23847 5 21 Two Weeks 3788 Creed I think it's 75 cents.
23848 5 21 Two Weeks 3788 Oscar That's a lot.
23849 5 21 Two Weeks 3789 Angela Bandit, No! No no no!
23850 5 21 Two Weeks 3790 Kevin Oh!
23851 5 21 Two Weeks 3791 Pam Yesterday, they delivered the new one. But they didn't set it up. So my day just got a little more interesting.
23852 5 21 Two Weeks 3792 Jim Its Monster dot com. Singular.
23853 5 21 Two Weeks 3792 Michael Thank you.
23854 5 21 Two Weeks 3793 Michael You work in paper long enough, you get to know the players.
23855 5 21 Two Weeks 3793 Phone Hi, you've reached Prince Paper. We are sad to inform you that after 40 years of serving the community we are no longer in business. Thank you for your support. May God bless you. Bye!
23856 5 21 Two Weeks 3793 Michael What am I gong to do? Uh... .
23857 5 21 Two Weeks 3794 Michael PSST! PSST!
23858 5 21 Two Weeks 3794 Jim Yeah... .you want me to come in your office? Oh.
23859 5 21 Two Weeks 3795 Michael Okay, oh okay, okay. Close your eyes.
23860 5 21 Two Weeks 3795 Jim I would prefer not to.
23861 5 21 Two Weeks 3795 Michael Just close your eyes. I'm going to start my own paper company.
23862 5 21 Two Weeks 3795 Jim You're starting your own paper company?
23863 5 21 Two Weeks 3795 Michael yeah!
23864 5 21 Two Weeks 3795 Jim Why?
23865 5 21 Two Weeks 3795 Michael Can you believe... cause I know paper. I know everything there is to know about paper.
23866 5 21 Two Weeks 3795 Jim Do you know the industry is in decline?
23867 5 21 Two Weeks 3795 Michael Yeah! Oh God. I practically invented decline.
23868 5 21 Two Weeks 3795 Jim Right.
23869 5 21 Two Weeks 3795 Michael Right, I know paper, I know how to manage. I have a name, close your eyes.
23870 5 21 Two Weeks 3795 Jim No, I did that before, it added nothing.
23871 5 21 Two Weeks 3795 Michael Close them.
23872 5 21 Two Weeks 3795 Jim Okay.
23873 5 21 Two Weeks 3795 Michael Alright, Michael Scott Paper Company. You want in? Do you want to be a part of this?
23874 5 21 Two Weeks 3795 Jim I am not gonna do this.
23875 5 21 Two Weeks 3795 Michael Obviously.
23876 5 21 Two Weeks 3795 Jim And you are not going to, either.
23877 5 21 Two Weeks 3795 Michael Oh, agreed, mmm, except...
23878 5 21 Two Weeks 3795 Jim Here's the thing. What I wish for you is that you land a job at a company that A, exists, and B, has a salary. Because they're set up to do that kind of thing.
23879 5 21 Two Weeks 3795 Michael Hey hey... what's up Chuck?
23880 5 21 Two Weeks 3795 Charles Jim.
23881 5 21 Two Weeks 3795 Jim Hey.
23882 5 21 Two Weeks 3795 Charles what are you doing?
23883 5 21 Two Weeks 3795 Jim Nothing, just talking.
23884 5 21 Two Weeks 3795 Charles Okay, Michael handed in his 2-week notice, did you also hand in your 2-week?
23885 5 21 Two Weeks 3795 Jim I didn't... no.
23886 5 21 Two Weeks 3795 Charles Okay. After you.
23887 5 21 Two Weeks 3795 Michael No I'm staying.
23888 5 21 Two Weeks 3795 Charles Okay.
23889 5 21 Two Weeks 3796 Dwight Do you want me to translate the German instructions for you?
23890 5 21 Two Weeks 3796 Pam No, I'm sure they're pretty much the same as the English instructions.
23891 5 21 Two Weeks 3796 Dwight Typical American ignorance that got us involved in a war we never should have been in. World War II.
23892 5 21 Two Weeks 3796 Pam That's a really... well fine, Do the German instructions say what this is supposed to do?
23893 5 21 Two Weeks 3796 Dwight Deutsch... let me see here. That is either an incense dispenser, or a ceremonial sarcophagus.
23894 5 21 Two Weeks 3796 Pam Hmm...
23895 5 21 Two Weeks 3797 Dwight My German is pre-industrial and mostly religious.
23896 5 21 Two Weeks 3798 Michael Pam, listen. This order form. Instead of saying "Dunder Mifflin" at the top is there any way I could get it to say something else?
23897 5 21 Two Weeks 3798 Pam Like Michael Scott Paper Company?
23898 5 21 Two Weeks 3798 Michael You... oh. Somebody has been talking in bed. Pillow talk.
23899 5 21 Two Weeks 3798 Pam Hmm... yeah. Listen Michael. Have you really thought this through? 'Cause it's a pretty big risk.
23900 5 21 Two Weeks 3798 Michael This is a dream that I have had since lunch, and I am not giving up on it now.
23901 5 21 Two Weeks 3798 Pam Yeah... you could give it up though right? And almost nobody would know.
23902 5 21 Two Weeks 3798 Michael Before you got here, I'm the one who landed all these clients. Half of them, at least. I can do it again. I know the market, I know the price points. I'm on it, don't worry. So, how do I do that?
23903 5 21 Two Weeks 3798 Pam Well, um, you can scan it, and then you can upload the image, and then you can copy the new image.
23904 5 21 Two Weeks 3798 Michael Can't I take some paper and just tape over it with transparent tape?
23905 5 21 Two Weeks 3798 Pam Yeah. Good.
23906 5 21 Two Weeks 3798 Michael Thank you very much.
23907 5 21 Two Weeks 3798 Pam Mmm-hmm
23908 5 21 Two Weeks 3799 Kelly So that is why I have to leave at 5: 00 on Tuesday, it's to pick up my little sisters from school. We're really tight. We're like the Kardashians..
23909 5 21 Two Weeks 3799 Charles You know, you can run this stuff by Toby.
23910 5 21 Two Weeks 3799 Kelly Yeah I don't like talking...
23911 5 21 Two Weeks 3799 Charles Come in...
23912 5 21 Two Weeks 3799 Angela I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were with anyone. I just wanted to bring you the brochure on that accounting seminar that I was telling you about. Earlier.
23913 5 21 Two Weeks 3799 Kelly Yep, we were in the middle of something so why don't you just...
23914 5 21 Two Weeks 3799 Angela Okay, um, actually you know it was so much fun last year. There was a Sunday-bar. I mean I didn't have any, you know, to stay trim.
23915 5 21 Two Weeks 3799 Charles Did Michael just let anybody in his office?
23916 5 21 Two Weeks 3799 Angela, Kelly Yep! Yeah. He just loved having people, communicating all the time. He was like 'Come on in!"
23917 5 21 Two Weeks 3800 Charles I am aware of the effect I have on woman.
23918 5 21 Two Weeks 3801 Kelly So you should be heading back to your desk.
23919 5 21 Two Weeks 3801 Angela Okay. Bye Charles. Well you'll let me know. Good bye.
23920 5 21 Two Weeks 3801 Kelly She's such a special person. And she's turning 50 this year.
23921 5 21 Two Weeks 3802 Michael I'm starting my own paper company.
23922 5 21 Two Weeks 3802 Andy No way!?
23923 5 21 Two Weeks 3802 Michael Yeah.
23924 5 21 Two Weeks 3802 Andy In this climate?
23925 5 21 Two Weeks 3802 Michael Yeah. In all climates. It's going to be worldwide. And I'm looking for some talented salesmen to join me. That's where you come in.
23926 5 21 Two Weeks 3802 Andy Ehh... well it's a very intriguing concept, isn't it? Um... hmmm.. Michael is starting his own paper company. What do you think about that?
23927 5 21 Two Weeks 3802 Dwight Your own paper company.
23928 5 21 Two Weeks 3802 Michael Can you believe it? Well, we'll see, we'll see. It's just a, just a nugget of an idea right now so
23929 5 21 Two Weeks 3802 Dwight Right...
23930 5 21 Two Weeks 3802 Michael Potential, lots of potential. yes.
23931 5 21 Two Weeks 3802 Dwight What a courageous venture.
23932 5 21 Two Weeks 3802 Michael It's... it's very courageous, very exciting. Um...
23933 5 21 Two Weeks 3802 Dwight Location is hard for me, with the farm and the responsibilities...
23934 5 21 Two Weeks 3802 Michael That's what I was thinking, with the farm, so... You getting to wherever I'm gonna put my thing.
23935 5 21 Two Weeks 3802 Dwight Okay. So yeah.
23936 5 21 Two Weeks 3802 Michael So think about it. Lets put a pin in it for now.
23937 5 21 Two Weeks 3802 Dwight You know, I would love to put a pin in that.
23938 5 21 Two Weeks 3803 Pam Everyone, can I have your attention. This is the moment you've all been waiting for. Right?
23939 5 21 Two Weeks 3803 Meredith Little Ms. Thing wants attention.
23940 5 21 Two Weeks 3803 Pam Meredith... Oh... so uh... G-44. It's not ready Kevin!
23941 5 21 Two Weeks 3804 Pam I'm at a crucial point where I have sunk 4 hours into that copier, and I am not going to let it beat me like that wireless router did.
23942 5 21 Two Weeks 3805 Oscar You put a note in my food?
23943 5 21 Two Weeks 3805 Michael I made it sterile.
23944 5 21 Two Weeks 3805 Oscar Just to say "sterile" doesn't make it so.
23945 5 21 Two Weeks 3805 Michael I am offering you the opportunity of a lifetime, Oscar. To come work for me.
23946 5 21 Two Weeks 3805 Oscar Do you have a business plan? A funding request? Market research, financials?
23947 5 21 Two Weeks 3805 Michael No, no no.
23948 5 21 Two Weeks 3805 Oscar You need those things. Most new businesses, they don't make a profit till at least two years. And then your margins will be razor thin. Best case scenario, you don't cut yourself a salary for at least 5 years. Can you go 5 years without a salary, Michael?
23949 5 21 Two Weeks 3805 Michael Okay.
23950 5 21 Two Weeks 3805 Oscar Five years?
23951 5 21 Two Weeks 3805 Michael Okay, hey, you already have the job. You don't have to convince me.
23952 5 21 Two Weeks 3805 Oscar It's just not prudent Michael.
23953 5 21 Two Weeks 3806 Michael Stanley?
23954 5 21 Two Weeks 3806 Stanley Can't you see I'm urinating?
23955 5 21 Two Weeks 3806 Michael Listen, Listen, Stanley. You don't have to answer me now.
23956 5 21 Two Weeks 3806 Stanley No.
23957 5 21 Two Weeks 3806 Michael Just... I want you to think about it, I'm starting my own company.
23958 5 21 Two Weeks 3806 Stanley No.
23959 5 21 Two Weeks 3806 Michael Oh-okay, you're not letting me finish, and you just lost out on a million dollars.
23960 5 21 Two Weeks 3806 Stanley No I didn't.
23961 5 21 Two Weeks 3807 Michael You know what. I had a great time at prom. And no one said 'Yes' to that either.
23962 5 21 Two Weeks 3808 Pam How's it working?
23963 5 21 Two Weeks 3808 Phyllis Um, let's see... it's fine.
23964 5 21 Two Weeks 3808 Pam Good.
23965 5 21 Two Weeks 3809 Pam I did it. I learned everything about this machine. I know all the buttons, even the inside ones. I know all the error messages. I could do a bound book, in plastic with offset colors. Which feels...
23966 5 21 Two Weeks 3810 Charles Hey Hank, You ready?
23967 5 21 Two Weeks 3810 Hank Yeah.
23968 5 21 Two Weeks 3810 Charles Okay, Michael?
23969 5 21 Two Weeks 3810 Michael Hmm?
23970 5 21 Two Weeks 3810 Charles I can't pretend I haven't seen that. So I am going e to ask you to stand up, walk out. And you can't take anything.
23971 5 21 Two Weeks 3810 Michael Okay, I have immunity. It's my two-weeks...
23972 5 21 Two Weeks 3810 Charles not if you're starting your own paper company, Michael. Hank...
23973 5 21 Two Weeks 3810 Hank Okay Michael.
23974 5 21 Two Weeks 3810 Michael Hank? You really think Hank is going to be loyal to you? Hank, please escort Charles from the building.
23975 5 21 Two Weeks 3810 Hank Come on man, let's, let's go.
23976 5 21 Two Weeks 3811 Kevin I always thought Michael got a bad rap. He's a good guy. And he's super funny. Yeah, maybe I should tell him before he goes. He's all the way over there.
23977 5 21 Two Weeks 3812 Michael Well here we are... I would just like to...
23978 5 21 Two Weeks 3812 Charles No, no no no. You're done, Michael.
23979 5 21 Two Weeks 3813 Michael Alright then everybody, I'm outta here!
23980 5 21 Two Weeks 3813 Andy What is he doing? It looks like he's saying something.
23981 5 21 Two Weeks 3813 Kevin I think he's singing.
23982 5 21 Two Weeks 3813 Oscar I can't believe this is really happening.
23983 5 21 Two Weeks 3813 Michael ... and I feel free!
23984 5 21 Two Weeks 3814 Oscar And just like that. As mysteriously as he arrived, he was gone.
23985 5 21 Two Weeks 3815 Andy The whole office feels darker, you know? It's just a sad dark day.
23986 5 21 Two Weeks 3815 Phyllis Andy He's gone.
23987 5 21 Two Weeks 3815 Andy I know.
23988 5 21 Two Weeks 3815 Phyllis You don't have to kiss his ass anymore.
23989 5 21 Two Weeks 3816 Toby Michael is like a movie on a plane. You know, it's not great, but it's something to watch. And when it's over you're like... how much time is left on this flight? Now what?
23990 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Pam Michael?
23991 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Michael Shh shh shh... don't look down, look straight up. Come on please!
23992 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Angela These are for employees only.
23993 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Michael Angela Kevin, you have to help me out I just need a few things then I will be gone.
23994 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Kevin Michael, why is it that you asked everyone except me, Angela, Creed, and Meredith?
23995 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Michael I was going to, I wanted to. But I had to start somewhere.
23996 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Kevin But you didn't want to start with us?
23997 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Michael No, of course not. But now I want everybody. Jim! Jim? Buddy, Hey! Buddy, Jimbo? Did you have time to think about my offer?
23998 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Jim I did have a chance to think about it, but then I thought about something else.
23999 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Michael So which way are you leaning?
24000 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Jim Well it is tempting but I am 100% leaning towards something else.
24001 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Michael Thanks Jim.
24002 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Charles Hey, did anyone see the client list that Michael was supposed to be working on.
24003 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Dwight No.
24004 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Charles Okay, let me know if you find it.
24005 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Michael Okay, Okay, we don't have much time. Just act normal. Don't look at me people. Stop. Don't look down. Don't look down. He's going to see me. Don't look all the way up. Keep it at a normal height. Okay. This is not Michael Scott talking right now, this is your future. Hello, I am your future. You're older, and you are very happy now. Because you went with Michael Scott. Right. So everybody come on down. Lets just crawl out of here together. Alright? Come on! Are you, are you doing your best here? Are you being the best that you can be? Alright. Everybody who's going to go with me I want you to stomp your foot. Okay, alright. Come on. You're coming with me. Come on Phyllis. Here we go, here we go!
24006 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Charles Michael get up!
24007 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Michael Oh God... okay alright. It's time to go it's time to go. Jim, let's go. Come on!
24008 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Charles Michael, what are you doing?
24009 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Michael I think maybe Hank should be here.
24010 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Charles Hank? No, I don't need Hank Michael.
24011 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Michael You're going to mess with me, is that what you're going to do? I'll tell you something Charles, I don't even care. Cause I've got nothing got lose. Oh my God, OH GOD! No no, all right. Fine, it's not even worth it.
24012 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Pam Oh no.
24013 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Jim What?
24014 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Pam I'm going with him.
24015 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Jim What? Pam!
24016 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Pam I'm going.
24017 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Jim Pam! You can't be serious.
24018 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Pam Michael, wait! I'm coming with you.
24019 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Michael You are?
24020 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Pam Yeah.
24021 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Michael Okay. It's going to be great.
24022 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Pam Great. Uh, except, I don't want to be a receptionist anymore.
24023 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Michael Right... Executive assistant.
24024 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Pam Salesman.
24025 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Michael Alright, okay. Deal! Okay, well... Jim?
24026 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Jim Still no.
24027 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Michael Well, okay, lets go.
24028 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Pam Oh, all my stuff is still upstairs so...
24029 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Michael Are people watching?
24030 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Pam Probably.
24031 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Jim Michael, its not how you leave in an office. It how you...
24032 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Michael Jim Jim Jim... we're having a company meeting here.
24033 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Jim I'll bring your stuff home. Okay, bye.
24034 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Pam Okay, see you later.
24035 5 21 Two Weeks 3817 Michael Bye.
24036 5 21 Two Weeks 3818 Charles So, we had a personnel change today. Shouldn't effect our day to day. But, until we get a new receptionist I want Kevin on the phones.
24037 5 21 Two Weeks 3818 Kevin Phones?
24038 5 21 Two Weeks 3818 Charles Also, there has been too much wasted time. So Stanley.
24039 5 21 Two Weeks 3818 Stanley Yes.
24040 5 21 Two Weeks 3818 Charles Yeah, I want you to be on top of that okay? I want you to be my productivity czar. Okay, good. Uh, okay that it on my list. So uh, you know, no excuses guys. Lets get going okay?
24041 5 22 Dream Team 3819 Jim You gonna answer that, Kev?
24042 5 22 Dream Team 3819 Kevin Oh, right. Thanks. Dunder Mifflin, this is Kevin. Please hold while I transfer you. Oscar, your mom!
24043 5 22 Dream Team 3820 Jim Charles is having Kevin cover the phones for a while. How do I say this diplomatically? I think Kevin is doing exactly as well as anyone might have expected someone like him to perform in a position like that.
24044 5 22 Dream Team 3821 Kevin Please hold. Andy! Phone call.
24045 5 22 Dream Team 3821 Jim No. Stay there. Kev, thought we nailed the whole transfer thing earlier.
24046 5 22 Dream Team 3821 Kevin Yeah, I wrote it on my hand... but then I washed it.
24047 5 22 Dream Team 3821 Jim It is transfer, extension, and then transfer again.
24048 5 22 Dream Team 3821 Kevin Okay. Andy, get ready. Transfer. Extension. Transfer.
24049 5 22 Dream Team 3821 Jim Here we go.
24050 5 22 Dream Team 3821 Kevin Oh, man!
24051 5 22 Dream Team 3821 Andy It is 1-3-4, Kev!
24052 5 22 Dream Team 3821 Jim Kev, c'mon.
24053 5 22 Dream Team 3821 Dwight Hustle!
24054 5 22 Dream Team 3821 Kevin Hold it.
24055 5 22 Dream Team 3821 Andy You are murdering the Nard-dog!
24056 5 22 Dream Team 3821 Kevin This is Kevin. Please hold and I will transfer you.
24057 5 22 Dream Team 3821 Angela You're bad at this too!
24058 5 22 Dream Team 3821 Kevin Just... don't answer that call!
24059 5 22 Dream Team 3821 Stanley Just transfer the damn call.
24060 5 22 Dream Team 3821 Kevin Your call is very important to us. Ple-
24061 5 22 Dream Team 3821 Andy Hey-o!
24062 5 22 Dream Team 3821 Dwight Way to go.
24063 5 22 Dream Team 3822 Andy My maid died.
24064 5 22 Dream Team 3823 Pam Today is my first day at my new job at Michael Scott Paper Company Incorporated. You know, Apple Computers started in a garage. And we're starting in a condo. So we already have a leg up on Apple. Look, it's official!
24065 5 22 Dream Team 3823 Michael Oh, good. My hooker's here. Hi.
24066 5 22 Dream Team 3823 Pam Michael, you were expecting me, right?
24067 5 22 Dream Team 3823 Michael Yes I was. Yes I was.
24068 5 22 Dream Team 3823 Pam Are you wearing anything under the robe?
24069 5 22 Dream Team 3823 Michael That is inappropriate, Pam. Come on in.
24070 5 22 Dream Team 3824 Pam This looks great, Michael.
24071 5 22 Dream Team 3824 Michael Thank you. Would you like some french toast?
24072 5 22 Dream Team 3824 Pam Yes, please.
24073 5 22 Dream Team 3824 Michael What shape?
24074 5 22 Dream Team 3824 Pam ... Square is fine.
24075 5 22 Dream Team 3824 Michael Alright.
24076 5 22 Dream Team 3825 Charles Just want to fill you in on a few details. As you know, I will be running the branch while we search for Michael's replacement. So please feel free to come to me with any questions or concerns. Yeah.
24077 5 22 Dream Team 3825 Kelly Where will you be staying while you're in Scranton?
24078 5 22 Dream Team 3825 Charles Eh, uh, in a hotel.
24079 5 22 Dream Team 3825 Angela Charles, where were you born?
24080 5 22 Dream Team 3825 Charles Actually, I meant questions more about the day-to-day operations of the company. Kay. Yeah.
24081 5 22 Dream Team 3825 Andy How are operations of the company? Just, day-to day.
24082 5 22 Dream Team 3825 Charles Okay, let's go over non-discretionary cuts. Okay, guys? Thank you. So, umm...
24083 5 22 Dream Team 3825 Jim Would you please stop that?
24084 5 22 Dream Team 3825 Dwight What?
24085 5 22 Dream Team 3825 Jim You're breathing very heavily.
24086 5 22 Dream Team 3825 Dwight This is how I breathe.
24087 5 22 Dream Team 3825 Jim No it's not.
24088 5 22 Dream Team 3825 Dwight If you want to tell me -
24089 5 22 Dream Team 3825 Charles Okay, Jim Halpert. I need your eyes up front.
24090 5 22 Dream Team 3825 Jim Oh no. I was just -
24091 5 22 Dream Team 3825 Charles No. Hey, hey. I just want to hear "yes".
24092 5 22 Dream Team 3825 Jim ... Yes.
24093 5 22 Dream Team 3825 Charles Good. As I was saying...
24094 5 22 Dream Team 3826 Dwight Oh no! The new boss does not find Jim adorable! Ohhhh!
24095 5 22 Dream Team 3827 Pam So, what do you say we get started?
24096 5 22 Dream Team 3827 Michael After breakfast.
24097 5 22 Dream Team 3827 Pam I'm full.
24098 5 22 Dream Team 3827 Michael So how you feeling about the new company?
24099 5 22 Dream Team 3827 Pam I feel good. Wow.
24100 5 22 Dream Team 3827 Michael You excited? About the new company?
24101 5 22 Dream Team 3827 Pam Yeah. I'm excited to start the company.
24102 5 22 Dream Team 3827 Michael After breakfast.
24103 5 22 Dream Team 3827 Pam We did that. So, what's next? Michael, just stop for a second. Michael. Stop for a second.
24104 5 22 Dream Team 3827 Michael No, I'm whipping them.
24105 5 22 Dream Team 3827 Pam No, I know you are.
24106 5 22 Dream Team 3827 Michael Just let go.
24107 5 22 Dream Team 3827 Pam Just let me have... Oh.
24108 5 22 Dream Team 3827 Michael Let go, please. Just gimmee -
24109 5 22 Dream Team 3827 Pam Fine! Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
24110 5 22 Dream Team 3827 Michael I can't do this! This is pathetic, isn't it? I am such an idiot. I gave up the only job I ever loved to do this? I have egg in my Crocs.
24111 5 22 Dream Team 3828 Phyllis I never see him drink. I never see him eat.
24112 5 22 Dream Team 3828 Stanley I don't think he even uses the bathroom.
24113 5 22 Dream Team 3828 Creed Oh, he does. He does.
24114 5 22 Dream Team 3829 Michael I feel weak today. Felt much stronger yesterday. Like Benjamin Button in reverse.
24115 5 22 Dream Team 3829 Pam You know, Michael. When I feel overwhelmed -
24116 5 22 Dream Team 3829 Michael I'm not overwhelmed, Pam.
24117 5 22 Dream Team 3829 Pam I know! No, I'm saying that when I feel overwhelmed, something I like to do is make a list. Make a list of things to do and then start with the easy stuff.
24118 5 22 Dream Team 3829 Michael Whatever calms you down.
24119 5 22 Dream Team 3829 Pam Okay, first, work out. And, hey! Look! You did that. Check. Eat an enormous breakfast. Check.
24120 5 22 Dream Team 3829 Michael Don't patronize me, Pam.
24121 5 22 Dream Team 3829 Pam I think you should get dressed.
24122 5 22 Dream Team 3829 Michael I'm not getting dressed. I'm not getting dressed. I have too many things to do before I get dressed. I need to find a hundred clients.
24123 5 22 Dream Team 3829 Pam Michael, that seems impossible.
24124 5 22 Dream Team 3829 Michael It's totally impossible!
24125 5 22 Dream Team 3829 Pam We need to come up with one realistic thing that we could do today.
24126 5 22 Dream Team 3829 Michael Assemble a sales team. A dream team.
24127 5 22 Dream Team 3829 Pam Great.
24128 5 22 Dream Team 3829 Michael Okay, Ryan.
24129 5 22 Dream Team 3829 Pam No. What? Why?
24130 5 22 Dream Team 3829 Michael He's everything I'm not and everything I am. He's the whole package.
24131 5 22 Dream Team 3829 Pam No. We're not gonna hire Ryan.
24132 5 22 Dream Team 3829 Michael Umm... Oh! Vikram! Best salesman I've ever met.
24133 5 22 Dream Team 3829 Pam Okay.
24134 5 22 Dream Team 3829 Michael He worked at that telemarketing place.
24135 5 22 Dream Team 3829 Pam We'll find him.
24136 5 22 Dream Team 3829 Michael Okay. Oh also, we have a meeting this afternoon with a potential investor.
24137 5 22 Dream Team 3829 Pam Really?
24138 5 22 Dream Team 3829 Michael Yeah.
24139 5 22 Dream Team 3829 Pam We have an investor already?
24140 5 22 Dream Team 3829 Michael Maybe. Barbara Keebis. She invests in local businesses. And I am putting together a little presentation for her.
24141 5 22 Dream Team 3829 Pam Michael, that's fantastic.
24142 5 22 Dream Team 3829 Michael Yeah, I guess it's not so bad. Got a few things cookin'. Umm...
24143 5 22 Dream Team 3829 Pam Hey! We need to get you dressed!
24144 5 22 Dream Team 3830 Pam I have doubts about this too. But when one person freaks out, sometimes it weirdly makes the other one calmer. That's one thing I've learned about relationships. I hate that I just used the word relationship. Hey! You look great! Let's go!
24145 5 22 Dream Team 3830 Michael Alright.
24146 5 22 Dream Team 3831 Charles You a soccer fan?
24147 5 22 Dream Team 3831 Andy Oh. Oh my God. I'm so embarrassed. You weren't supposed to see this. This is like my secret obsession.
24148 5 22 Dream Team 3831 Charles Well, that makes two of us.
24149 5 22 Dream Team 3831 Andy No way!
24150 5 22 Dream Team 3831 Charles Yeah.
24151 5 22 Dream Team 3832 Andy I hate soccer. But guess who doesn't hate soccer? Charles Miner.
24152 5 22 Dream Team 3833 Charles I was actually in Germany for the 2006 World Cup Finals.
24153 5 22 Dream Team 3833 Andy Ahhh. You b*st*rd! That shoulda been me!
24154 5 22 Dream Team 3833 Charles Yeah, I love the sport. I love the sport. Alright, man.
24155 5 22 Dream Team 3833 Andy Cool!
24156 5 22 Dream Team 3834 Jim I've never been a kiss up. I - it's just not how I operate. I mean, I've always subscribed to the idea that if you really want to impress your boss, you go in there and you do mediocre work. Half-heartedly.
24157 5 22 Dream Team 3835 Pam Next on the list - open the mail.
24158 5 22 Dream Team 3835 Michael Oh. Wow. "Michael Scott Paper Company." Okay. Very official. "Dear Mr. Scott. Please be advised that it is in violation of your condominium agreement to conduct a business headquartered in your residence. The penalty, a forfeiture of residence."
24159 5 22 Dream Team 3835 Pam No, okay. It's fine. It's fine. We're just gonna add "find office"...
24160 5 22 Dream Team 3835 Michael How are we gonna find an office? How can we pay for an office?
24161 5 22 Dream Team 3835 Pam Next on the list -- song parodies.
24162 5 22 Dream Team 3835 Michael Okay. Okay. "Achey Breaky Fart."
24163 5 22 Dream Team 3835 Pam Great. Let's sing it in the car.
24164 5 22 Dream Team 3835 Michael No! No No. No. "My Stumps." Like "My Humps" but a guy with no legs.
24165 5 22 Dream Team 3835 Pam Yeah.
24166 5 22 Dream Team 3835 Michael We can do this.
24167 5 22 Dream Team 3835 Pam We can do this.
24168 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Andy Whoa! And he just goes, "Boom". Goal!
24169 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Charles Yep. Yep. That's Pele.
24170 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Andy You know your soccer, man.
24171 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Charles I know. Yes I do.
24172 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Stanley I prefer Maradona. Uhhh... Diego Maradona.
24173 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Charles Oh yeah?
24174 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Stanley From Argentina.
24175 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Charles I didn't know we had so many, uh, soccer fans in the office.
24176 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Andy I mean, to be fair, I was the first one to talk about it, but...
24177 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Charles What about you, Jim? You a fan of the game?
24178 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Jim Uh, no. Nope. Not really.
24179 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Charles Well, it's not for everybody I suppose.
24180 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Jim It's 'cause I'm more of a player.
24181 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Charles Yeah?
24182 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Jim You bet.
24183 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Dwight Really, Jim? I had no idea you played soccer. 'Cause you never, ever talk about it.
24184 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Jim Well I do.
24185 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Dwight Wow.
24186 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Jim I play.
24187 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Dwight You can be so modest sometimes.
24188 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Jim Well, maybe you should get back to work.
24189 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Dwight Maybe you and Charles should kick the soccer ball around.
24190 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Jim Maybe we will someday.
24191 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Dwight Maybe you will tonight after work. What do you say?
24192 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Charles That's a great idea, Dwight.
24193 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Dwight Great ideas are just part of what I bring to the table.
24194 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Jim Yeah.
24195 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Dwight I don't try and be anything that I'm not.
24196 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Charles What do you say, Jim? Huh? Wanna play some soccer?
24197 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Dwight Jim, what do you say?
24198 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Angela Sounds fun.
24199 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Andy I'm in it to win.
24200 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Dwight Game on!
24201 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Charles Okay. See you on the field, there, bro.
24202 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Jim Let's... eh... see ya.
24203 5 22 Dream Team 3836 Charles See you on the field. Ha, ha. I can't wait!
24204 5 22 Dream Team 3837 Jim Yep, I used to play soccer in school. From second to fourth grade. I was on the orange team.
24205 5 22 Dream Team 3838 Pam We got Vikram!
24206 5 22 Dream Team 3838 Vikram You got me.
24207 5 22 Dream Team 3839 Vikram Where are we going?
24208 5 22 Dream Team 3839 Pam We have a meeting with an investor today.
24209 5 22 Dream Team 3839 Michael Yes we do. So, get excited. But I have to go the bathroom real quick. If you'll excuse me, be right back. Ah, okay.
24210 5 22 Dream Team 3839 Vikram He seems really confident.
24211 5 22 Dream Team 3839 Pam He can be.
24212 5 22 Dream Team 3839 Vikram Confidence. It's the food of the wise man but the liquor of the fool.
24213 5 22 Dream Team 3839 Pam Hm. I'm looking forward to getting to know you better, Vikram.
24214 5 22 Dream Team 3840 Michael Hey. I would like a pair of size nine, please. It's Michael.
24215 5 22 Dream Team 3840 Ryan I'm swamped, Michael. Happy birthday to Sally in lane 27.
24216 5 22 Dream Team 3840 Michael Okay, imagine a company that has no memory of your past misconduct because they have no files.
24217 5 22 Dream Team 3841 Vikram He's taking a long time. Is it possible he's bowling? I mean, you know him better than I do.
24218 5 22 Dream Team 3841 Pam Yes. Yes, it's possible.
24219 5 22 Dream Team 3842 Michael Well, it has always been a lifelong dream.
24220 5 22 Dream Team 3842 Pam Michael! What's going on?
24221 5 22 Dream Team 3842 Michael I'm...
24222 5 22 Dream Team 3842 Pam Hey, Ryan.
24223 5 22 Dream Team 3842 Ryan Hey, you.
24224 5 22 Dream Team 3842 Michael Excuse me. Yes?
24225 5 22 Dream Team 3842 Pam This wasn't on the list.
24226 5 22 Dream Team 3842 Michael Yes, it is.
24227 5 22 Dream Team 3842 Pam No.
24228 5 22 Dream Team 3842 Michael Yes.
24229 5 22 Dream Team 3842 Pam It's not.
24230 5 22 Dream Team 3842 Michael It is.
24231 5 22 Dream Team 3842 Pam When did you add this to the list?
24232 5 22 Dream Team 3842 Michael Pam. Everyone deserves a second second chance. Ryan, just out of curiosity, how much do you get paid here?
24233 5 22 Dream Team 3842 Ryan Sixty thousand dollars a year.
24234 5 22 Dream Team 3842 Pam You get paid by the year at the bowling alley?
24235 5 22 Dream Team 3842 Ryan What do you make, secretary?
24236 5 22 Dream Team 3842 Supervisor Back to work, shoe bitch!
24237 5 22 Dream Team 3842 Ryan I told you guys, I'm really busy here, so...
24238 5 22 Dream Team 3842 Michael Would you like to come to work for the Michael Scott Paper Company?
24239 5 22 Dream Team 3842 Ryan What size shoes are you guys?
24240 5 22 Dream Team 3842 Michael Uh, nine.
24241 5 22 Dream Team 3842 Ryan What are those, a men's ten?
24242 5 22 Dream Team 3842 Pam No.
24243 5 22 Dream Team 3842 Michael Look what he's doing.
24244 5 22 Dream Team 3842 Pam What is he doing?
24245 5 22 Dream Team 3842 Michael He's stealing them. Okay, okay.
24246 5 22 Dream Team 3842 Pam Oh my God.
24247 5 22 Dream Team 3842 Michael He's already paying for himself.
24248 5 22 Dream Team 3842 Pam Sorry!
24249 5 22 Dream Team 3843 Ryan Where is it?
24250 5 22 Dream Team 3843 Michael Right here.
24251 5 22 Dream Team 3843 Vikram Hey, c'mon, guys. These are prime selling hours, you know.
24252 5 22 Dream Team 3844 Charles Miner -
24253 5 22 Dream Team 3844 Jim Oh, there he goes.
24254 5 22 Dream Team 3844 Charles ...sees his partner -
24255 5 22 Dream Team 3844 Jim Yikes.
24256 5 22 Dream Team 3844 Charles Halpert. He looks up!
24257 5 22 Dream Team 3844 Jim Aw, man.
24258 5 22 Dream Team 3844 Charles Defending duo! He sets him up! He sets him up. Yeah. Oh-ho!
24259 5 22 Dream Team 3844 Jim Oh! Goal!
24260 5 22 Dream Team 3844 Charles Aw, man, I can't wait to play with you.
24261 5 22 Dream Team 3844 Jim Aw, it's gonna be the worst.
24262 5 22 Dream Team 3845 Ryan Do you guys want to hear about Thailand?
24263 5 22 Dream Team 3845 Michael Oh yeah.
24264 5 22 Dream Team 3845 Pam Sure.
24265 5 22 Dream Team 3845 Ryan It was indescribable.
24266 5 22 Dream Team 3845 Michael Sounds awesome.
24267 5 22 Dream Team 3845 Pam Beat.
24268 5 22 Dream Team 3846 Vikram What sort of investing club is this?
24269 5 22 Dream Team 3846 Michael Vikram, you ask a lot of questions and I like that. Hey, Nana! Hi!
24270 5 22 Dream Team 3846 Pam Nana?
24271 5 22 Dream Team 3846 Nana Michael!
24272 5 22 Dream Team 3847 Michael People turn to their families all the time when they need help starting out and if my Nana's investment club can help the Michael Scott Paper Company become a reality, then I'm sure that's what she would have wanted. Does want.
24273 5 22 Dream Team 3848 Michael Well I'm sure that you must all have very, very busy schedules, so I appreciate you meeting with us here today. What this is is a business that I have worked toward my entire life. Hey! I have assembled what I believe to be the most exciting, sought-after talent in the industry today. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the dream team. From our very own Scranton, Pennsylvania - Pam Beesly. Pretty Pam is always reaching for the stars and someday, she may just surprise us all and grab one. Meet Vikram. From his humble beginnings as a - stay standing - from his humble beginnings as a prominent surgeon, he risked it all to become the most successful telemarketer in the lipophedrene industry. And do not call it a comeback. The youngest vice president in the history of Dunder Mifflin, and recent bowling alley employee, Ryan Howard is about to make a splash in paper.
24274 5 22 Dream Team 3848 Nana So let's hear it.
24275 5 22 Dream Team 3848 Michael Okay. I have spent the last 15 years learning the ins and outs of the paper industry. With a lean, mean fighting crew and low overhead, I think I can perform the same business at a much, much higher rate of profit.
24276 5 22 Dream Team 3848 Nana How do you expect to turn a profit in this economy?
24277 5 22 Dream Team 3848 Michael By wanting it more. By working hard-
24278 5 22 Dream Team 3848 Nana What's your mission statement?
24279 5 22 Dream Team 3848 Michael Mmmm-My mission is stated as follows: I will not be beat. I will never give up. I am on a mission. That is the Michael Scott guarantee.
24280 5 22 Dream Team 3849 Charles C'mon, Oscar. What positions do people play?
24281 5 22 Dream Team 3849 Dwight Wing.
24282 5 22 Dream Team 3849 Kevin Wag.
24283 5 22 Dream Team 3849 Charles Jim. What do you play?
24284 5 22 Dream Team 3849 Jim Left.
24285 5 22 Dream Team 3849 Charles Forward or half?
24286 5 22 Dream Team 3849 Jim Forward, definitely.
24287 5 22 Dream Team 3849 Charles Okay, striker, huh?
24288 5 22 Dream Team 3849 Jim Striker!
24289 5 22 Dream Team 3849 Charles Let's see what you got in those legs!
24290 5 22 Dream Team 3849 Jim Alright! Let's do it.
24291 5 22 Dream Team 3849 Charles Alright. No, no, no. That's supposed to be the kickoff.
24292 5 22 Dream Team 3849 Jim Kickoff. My strategy is to touch the ball as little as possible. Chalk it up to teamwork. Alright!
24293 5 22 Dream Team 3850 Michael And I offer same day, free delivery.
24294 5 22 Dream Team 3850 Nana Michael, I don't know about this.
24295 5 22 Dream Team 3850 Michael Nana. I really think that Papa would want you to do this.
24296 5 22 Dream Team 3850 Nana I'm not so sure.
24297 5 22 Dream Team 3850 Michael Well what is it exactly? I mean, what, what specifically? We don't - it doesn't have to be paper. We could sell medicine and other...
24298 5 22 Dream Team 3850 Nana See, this is what concerns me.
24299 5 22 Dream Team 3850 Old Woman We could just give him a chance. It's not much money.
24300 5 22 Dream Team 3850 Michael Well... this might not be the right time, but I need more than I originally asked for.
24301 5 22 Dream Team 3850 Nana This isn't a handout club. It's an investment club!
24302 5 22 Dream Team 3850 Michael Okay.
24303 5 22 Dream Team 3850 Nana I love you, Michael. I do.
24304 5 22 Dream Team 3850 Michael Okay.
24305 5 22 Dream Team 3850 Nana But no. I mean it. No.
24306 5 22 Dream Team 3851 Vikram I thought Nana raised some good questions. What kind of a name is Nana?
24307 5 22 Dream Team 3851 Pam It means grandmother.
24308 5 22 Dream Team 3851 Vikram Oh, sweet Jesus. Look, I'm sorry to do this, but can you drop me back at the telemarketing building?
24309 5 22 Dream Team 3852 Vikram You know, Michael? You want to succeed? You got to apply the same-
24310 5 22 Dream Team 3853 Andy Get 'im, Jim! C'mon, tough D, Jim.
24311 5 22 Dream Team 3853 Charles Oh, my God! Oh wow. Jim, what the?
24312 5 22 Dream Team 3853 Oscar Phyllis, Phyllis.
24313 5 22 Dream Team 3853 Charles Phyllis, are you okay? Are, you okay?
24314 5 22 Dream Team 3853 Phyllis No, I swallowed a crown.
24315 5 22 Dream Team 3853 Charles Why'd you duck, Jim?
24316 5 22 Dream Team 3853 Jim What?
24317 5 22 Dream Team 3853 Dwight Yeah, Jim. Why would an experienced soccer player like yourself duck at the very last moment?
24318 5 22 Dream Team 3853 Jim Okay, I'm just gonna go get some ice.
24319 5 22 Dream Team 3853 Charles Does that make you feel better? Huh?
24320 5 22 Dream Team 3853 Jim I'm sorry, Phyllis.
24321 5 22 Dream Team 3853 Charles Oh, yeah. Jim's sorry.
24322 5 22 Dream Team 3854 Ryan Do you get TNT? The station? Do you get TNT?
24323 5 22 Dream Team 3854 Michael Yeah. I have cable and satellite as a backup. Yeah, I know. Two not-so-great things in a row. Ehhhh, well. Stuff happens, right? At least we got Ryan. The Rye-guy. We should call him Rye bread. We don't have to call him that. Unless you like it. We could call him that.
24324 5 22 Dream Team 3854 Pam I can't do this.
24325 5 22 Dream Team 3854 Michael What's that?
24326 5 22 Dream Team 3854 Pam I can't do this. I had a real job. I sat ten feet away from my fiance. I had health benefits. I was just feeling impulsive. I should have gotten a tiny tattoo on my ankle.
24327 5 22 Dream Team 3854 Michael Blech.
24328 5 22 Dream Team 3854 Pam I just keep getting bored. And I let things build up and build up and then I - I, I do something too big, like this. Who does this?
24329 5 22 Dream Team 3854 Michael Well you know what? My mom always used to say that average people are the most special people in the world. And that's why God made so many.
24330 5 22 Dream Team 3854 Pam We don't have any money. We don't have an office. We don't have anything.
24331 5 22 Dream Team 3854 Michael Well we should make a list. Lists are good. Lists are good. Lists are good. First on the list, let's get you out of the car. Alright. Okay...
24332 5 22 Dream Team 3854 Pam How come out of everyone in the office, I'm the only one that went with you? Is it because I'm that stupid? I mean, your own grandmother doesn't even believe in you!
24333 5 22 Dream Team 3854 Michael I want you to listen to me. Because I want to tell you the situation that we are both in right now, kay? You quit your job. I quit my job. We both quit. Those are the facts. That's what happened. Now, what are our choices right now? Because you know, kiddo, you quit.
24334 5 22 Dream Team 3854 Pam Yeah.
24335 5 22 Dream Team 3854 Michael So what are our options? Well, we can start this paper company. We can try. Or... that's it. That's our only option. Because we quit. Pam, I do my best work when people don't believe in me. I remember in high school, my math teacher told me I was gonna flunk out. And know what I did? The very next day I went out and I scored more goals than anyone else in the history of the hockey team. See what I mean? I thrive on this. I thrive on it. So I'm gonna go inside. I'm going to make some calls, I'm gonna get us an office space, and I'm going to show you why you joined this company. Okay?
24336 5 22 Dream Team 3855 Michael You gotta have some extra space. Philly, work with me here. There's gotta be some sort of secret office that you have... lurkin' around... some awesome, free, keep it off the books... Oh, no. Not there. That would be humiliating.
24337 5 22 Dream Team 3856 Michael I did what I had to do. I stepped in. I took charge. That's what being a man is. And earlier today, I was freaking out. Pam stepped up. She was the man. Don't think a woman can be a man? Well, then that's your stereotype, not mine.
24338 5 22 Dream Team 3857 Michael Okay.
24339 5 22 Dream Team 3857 Pam I could work here. I could see this.
24340 5 22 Dream Team 3857 Michael It's right in the middle of the paper belt.
24341 5 22 Dream Team 3857 Pam Are you good?
24342 5 22 Dream Team 3857 Michael Yeah, I'm good. You good?
24343 5 22 Dream Team 3857 Pam I'm good.
24344 5 22 Dream Team 3858 Michael You know what they say, keep your friends close.
24345 5 22 Dream Team 3858 Charles Michael, you're back.
24346 5 22 Dream Team 3858 Michael Yes, I am, Charles.
24347 5 22 Dream Team 3858 Charles Mmmhmm.
24348 5 22 Dream Team 3858 Michael Except this time, you have no legal right to kick me out, because I have started my very own paper company right here in the building. If I were you, Charles Miner, I would watch your step. Because the Michael Scott Paper Company is about to open a big ol' can of whoopass on Dunder Mifflin. Actually a six pack. We're gonna open a six pack of whoopass. He looks scared.
24349 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3859 Michael It's Britney bitch. And I am back, in the form of a new company. The Michael Scott Paper Company. Okay. Not gonna make this one.
24350 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3860 Jim LOVE the hair.
24351 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3860 Pam Morning Michael!
24352 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3860 Michael Hello! They took away my parking space but they can't take away my pride!
24353 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3861 Michael I would like to invite you all to come away with me, on a journey. Welcome! To the Michael Scott Paper Company!
24354 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3862 Kelly So. I thought we could take the customer on a... Then. Then we could...
24355 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3862 Jim You realize you're not actually talking to me, right?
24356 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3862 Kelly And...
24357 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3862 Charles Hey Kelly?
24358 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3862 Kelly Yes? Charles, you wanted me?
24359 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3862 Charles Oh, I meant, I meant that Kelly.
24360 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3863 Jim The new receptionist is also named Kelly. So Kelly Kapoor has decided to hover around my desk, so that she can run into his Charles' office every time he calls for Kelly. She thinks if she says "You wanted me" enough, he will in fact want her. It's not the worse plan she's ever had.
24361 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3864 Charles Oh, and Kelly...
24362 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3864 Kelly Yes Charles? Yes, you wanted me?
24363 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3864 Charles Okay, I'm gonna call you Kapoor, okay? And you, Hannon.
24364 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3864 Erin If we're changing names, can I be Erin? It's my middle name.
24365 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3864 Charles Erin. Okay, that's very pretty.
24366 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3864 Kelly Well you know what my middle name is? Rajani Ghana! And I hate it! I hate it!
24367 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3864 Kevin I thought Rajini Ghanda was a boy's name?
24368 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3865 Michael We are in the heart of it. And the surge of water carries our business out to the sea.
24369 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3865 Pam What should we do now?
24370 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3865 Michael We wait, and hope that people show up to the pancake luncheon.
24371 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3866 Michael I don't know I think we've done absolutely everything you can do to prepare for the day. I've updated our contacts, I have gotten quotes from suppliers. I have sent out an E-vite for our big grand opening pancake luncheon. Six yeses, one maybe, only eleven noes. Um, and 788 not yet replieds. But of that group, 782 have viewed it.
24372 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3867 Michael I am going to need 800 of these, on nice bright paper. It is a coupon for unparalleled customer service.
24373 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3868 Pam I make that one copy, and I become the girl who makes copies, and by the end of the day I'm receptionist again. And the worst part is, I like making copies. The paper comes out all warm and stuff. And it's cold in there. Cause it's technically a closet.
24374 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3869 Andy What do you think?
24375 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3869 Dwight Let me check. Oh nope! Clearly a hunter. Who knows how to throw an outfit together.
24376 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3869 Andy Thank you!
24377 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3870 Dwight Yes, I am taking Andy hunting after work. Not long ago we were sexual competitors. I used to hate him, hate him, hate him, hate him. I studied him, to figure out why I hated him so much. But that blossomed into a very real friendship, as these things often do.
24378 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3871 Ryan You should come into town this weekend man. Yeah, we'll hang out Scranton style.
24379 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3871 Michael Hey you said you were gonna be out of town this weekend.
24380 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3871 Ryan Please don't listen to my phone calls. Yeah, she's like um, she'd probably be a Six in New York, but she's like a Seven here in Scranton. And then uh, my boss is my old boss from Dunder Mifflin. It's a small space.
24381 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3872 Charles Hey Jim can I get a, um-
24382 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3872 Jim Hi!
24383 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3872 Charles Hi. I need a rundown of your clients, can you get that to me.
24384 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3872 Jim Sure!
24385 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3872 Charles Yeah.
24386 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3872 Jim Okay.
24387 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3873 Jim What the hell's a rundown?
24388 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3874 Jim When did you need that rundown by?
24389 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3874 Charles As soon as possible.
24390 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3874 Jim Okay.
24391 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3874 Charles Just get it right.
24392 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3874 Jim Yeah. Gotcha. Of course. I'm gonna dive in. To the rundown. I'll be exhausted 'cause it's like a triathlon. Do you want to close this? Close, or keep it?
24393 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3875 Erin Oh.
24394 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3875 Dwight You know there's a ghost in this office
24395 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3875 Erin Really?
24396 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3875 Dwight A woman was murdered on this very floor in 1816. Haddie McGonagle. She was a prostitute.
24397 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3875 Erin Why was she in this building?
24398 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3875 Dwight Oh, this whole place used to be a brothel. There was a tavern on the ground floor.
24399 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3875 Erin That's crazy.
24400 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3875 Dwight Yeah isn't it? She was bludgeoned to death by the business end of a riding crop.
24401 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3875 Erin Oh my god!
24402 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3875 Dwight It was gruesome. They say she walks these hallways. If you ever feel a tapping on your shoulder?
24403 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3875 Erin Hmm.
24404 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3875 Dwight That could be Haddie. Begging for her life. And it could mean, that you're next.
24405 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3875 Erin Oh!
24406 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3875 Dwight Just kidding. You finding everything okay?
24407 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3875 Erin Yeah.
24408 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3875 Dwight Yeah?
24409 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3875 Erin Just got some ice.
24410 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3875 Dwight Erin Erin...
24411 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3875 Andy Oh, this is awkward.
24412 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3875 Erin Oops!
24413 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3875 Andy Uh oh! Oh! Oh!
24414 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3875 Erin So I'll see you guys around!
24415 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3875 Dwight Hey buddy.
24416 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3876 Michael Hey Ryan? Could you get to that copy from before?
24417 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3876 Ryan Pam's better at that stuff
24418 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3876 Pam That is so insulting.
24419 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3876 Ryan How is it insulting to say that you're good at something?
24420 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3876 Pam Because the thing you're saying I'm good at, is pushing a big green button a bunch of times.
24421 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3876 Ryan I'm not judging it, it's like ... I could run GM but I couldn't fix a car. It's not saying one is better than the other.
24422 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3876 Pam Seriously? Because it sounds like one of those is better than the other.
24423 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3876 Ryan What the hell?
24424 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3876 Michael Listen. Listen listen listen listen listen listen. I need someone to make a copy of this. Because I don't make copies, I'm the boss. Got it? I make originals.
24425 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3876 Ryan Yeah I make originals too.
24426 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3876 Pam Shut up!
24427 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3876 Michael Stop it stop it! Bickering! Stop it!
24428 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3876 Pam Really!
24429 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3876 Ryan Yeah!
24430 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3876 Toby Not much? What's up with you? Nah it's okay. I'm in the bathroom. Hey you been watching Damages this year? It's so good. No, you gotta tune in, it's as good as anything on HBO. Hey does blue go with tan?
24431 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3876 Michael Would someone just make the copy?
24432 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3876 Toby I have like, like a blue shirt? I don't wear a lot of colors, I have a lot of tan. Uh huh.
24433 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3876 Michael Just make that copy okay?
24434 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3877 Pam Seriously? This is what's so important, putting naked pictures on the desktop?
24435 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3877 Ryan That's me and my friend Jonathan from Thailand.
24436 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3877 Pam I don't want to look at your friend Jasmine's boobs all day.
24437 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3877 Ryan You could be hot too if you made any effort. At all.
24438 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3877 Pam Like how? Dyeing my hair blond?
24439 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3877 Ryan This is from the sun.
24440 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3877 Pam Oh yeah I bet.
24441 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3877 Michael They're getting on my nerves Mom. Both of them. R thinks he's too good to be here, and P is not as much fun without Jim.
24442 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3877 Pam Michael, we can hear you.
24443 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3877 Michael I'm on the phone, please. Mom, I'm gonna have to call you back. P's being a giant B.
24444 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3877 Pam Okay it's my turn.
24445 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3877 Ryan No don't take that, give that back!
24446 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3877 Pam Give it back for what? What're you gonna do with it?
24447 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3877 Ryan I'm gonna make a spreadsheet.
24448 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3877 Pam You're gonna make another "spreadsheet."
24449 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3877 Ryan Yeah!
24450 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3877 Pam Yeah exactly. It's my turn.
24451 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3877 Ryan Go make a copy, secretary.
24452 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3877 Pam Come on! Ryan!
24453 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3878 Michael They always say that it is a mistake to hire your friends and they are right! So, I hired my best friends. And this is what I get?
24454 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3879 Dwight Hey buddy, what are you up to?
24455 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3879 Andy Um, nerthing?
24456 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3879 Dwight Listen, when I saw you talking to Erin earlier, I noticed that your pupils dilated, and your skin flushed, and I'm assuming, a little bit of blood rushed into your pen1s.
24457 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3879 Andy Pffft.
24458 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3879 Dwight Well, a little bit of blood rushed into mine as well, so where does that leave us?
24459 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3879 Andy The last thing I want to do, is step on your funk man.
24460 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3879 Dwight And I, yours. So I will cede her to you.
24461 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3879 Andy No, that's ridiculous.
24462 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3879 Dwight No no no.
24463 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3879 Andy Look you've been here longer, and besides, I'm a better wingman than I am a boyfriend so-
24464 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3879 Dwight Look I just want you and I to hang out so, you know. Just, Boom.
24465 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3880 Michael Listen up. It has come to my attention that some people in this office are not getting along with other people in this office. And I think I have come up with the reason why. This office space is too small.
24466 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3880 Pam Definitely.
24467 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3880 Michael Okay. There are ... 4 corners in this room. Each corner is to be a personal space for each one of you. Whichever corner you want. And make it your own.
24468 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3880 Pam We could work from home.
24469 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3880 Ryan Or you could fire one of us. Whoever has less education.
24470 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3880 Michael Okay guys, thank you for the offers. But I want you to get pumped about this corner idea. All right? 1,2,3- What are we gonna do?
24471 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3880 Pam .... Corner idea?
24472 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3880 Michael No, you're supposed to say, "Rock the house."
24473 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3880 Ryan Rock the house!
24474 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3880 Pam How would we know that?
24475 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3881 Jim Hey dude, you know what a "rundown" is?
24476 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3881 Oscar Use it in a sentence.
24477 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3881 Jim "Uh, can you get this rundown for me?"
24478 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3881 Oscar Try another sentence.
24479 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3881 Jim "This rundown better be really good"?
24480 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3881 Oscar I don't know but it sounds like the rundown is really important.
24481 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3881 Jim Charles asked me to do this rundown of all my clients.
24482 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3881 Oscar Why don't you just ask him--
24483 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3881 Jim No. I can't. It was like, hours ago.
24484 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3881 Oscar What have you been doing?
24485 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3881 Kevin Try it in another sentence.
24486 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3882 Ryan Last night was crazy. Jojo? Yeah. He did a donut in a parking lot in front of a cop. And then he yells, "Hey cop, you like donuts?" then we drive off. No, he just stayed there. I want that new phone. No, the other one. No the other one. No, you know which one I'm talking about it's the one, the one with the awesome browser. No, not that one.
24487 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3883 Michael That's my corner.
24488 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3883 Pam I thought that was your corner.
24489 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3883 Michael No, this is where I work. I can't relax in the same corner where I work.
24490 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3883 Pam So my corner's the one with the copier?
24491 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3883 Michael Pam, I don't make the rules.
24492 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3883 Ryan Yeah. I wish my iPod could make phone calls. No I don't want an iPhone, I know what an iPhone is.
24493 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3884 Charles You started on that rundown yet?
24494 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3884 Jim Oh, this is just something I'm taking a break with.
24495 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3884 Charles Oh.
24496 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3884 Jim I will get back to the rundown, uh, right now.
24497 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3884 Charles Okay, great.
24498 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3884 Jim Hey you know what? Do you have a rundown that I could take a look at, just so I know what type of rundown you're looking for ?
24499 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3884 Charles Just keep it simple.
24500 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3884 Jim Keeping it simple -that's what I'm doing. But I am working hard on this one. Real hard.
24501 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3884 Charles You're working hard? On this?
24502 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3884 Jim No. Not too hard. Not harder than I should.
24503 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3884 Charles Right. I mean why work harder than you should.
24504 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3884 Jim No, I....
24505 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3885 Erin Can I help you?
24506 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3885 Pam No thanks.
24507 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3885 Jim Hey!
24508 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3885 Pam Hey I'm here to see Charles.
24509 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3885 Jim Okay.
24510 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3885 Pam Hey Charles.
24511 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3885 Charles Hey Pam.
24512 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3885 Pam I know you're a very busy man so I'll cut right to the chase. I'd like my old job back.
24513 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3885 Charles I don't know what to tell you. The job's been taken.
24514 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3885 Pam Um, well, I could come back as a salesman. I have experience now.
24515 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3885 Charles Um.
24516 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3885 Pam Or I could come back as your personal assistant. You know? Sort your mail, set your appointments. I know all the people.
24517 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3885 Charles Yeah I know.
24518 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3885 Pam Personal shopper?
24519 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3885 Charles No.
24520 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3885 Pam Well it was great catching up with you. And I'll see you around the building.
24521 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3885 Charles Okay.
24522 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3886 Pam I'm just gonna sit here for a little bit longer if that's okay. The air smells so good. I don't remember it smelling so good. The chairs are so comfortable.
24523 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3887 Michael Oh hey! Stanley, Phyllis. Come on in. Welcome, welcome. Let me give you the tour.
24524 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3887 Stanley I get it. You need to see more?
24525 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3887 Phyllis It's really cute.
24526 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3887 Michael Thank you. You remember Ryan And Pam is around here somewhere.
24527 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3887 Stanley She's upstairs talking to Charles.
24528 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3887 Michael What for?
24529 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3887 Stanley I don't know.
24530 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3887 Ryan Are we staying til five?
24531 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3887 Michael Yes.
24532 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3888 Michael Maybe the Michael Scott Paper Company was a huge mistake. I should leave. I should go, and start my own paper company. That'll show 'em.
24533 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3889 Michael Get your free pancakes. They are delicious. They are nutritious. They are complimentary. Young sir, would you like a free pancake?
24534 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3889 Ryan I'm texting. I don't want to get my fingers sticky.
24535 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3889 Michael Ryan, enough with the texting machine. Come on. And tuck in your shirt, you're the face of this company.
24536 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3889 Michael Hey Pam.
24537 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3889 Pam Hey.
24538 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3889 Michael You sorta disappeared there for a while. Where ya been?
24539 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3889 Pam Yeah, I needed to take care of some stuff.
24540 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3889 Michael Yeah?
24541 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3889 Pam That's as specific as I'd like to be.
24542 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3889 Michael Well, at least you're still being honest with me.
24543 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3890 Jim There's the rundown you asked for. I may have expanded some areas that you weren't prepared for.
24544 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3890 Charles Great. Fax that to everyone on the distribution list.
24545 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3890 Jim Yeah sure. You want to look at it first?
24546 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3890 Charles Do I need to?
24547 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3890 Jim No. No, I just wanted to make sure, it was in the same format. So that distribution list is gonna be my...?
24548 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3890 Charles What's that?
24549 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3890 Jim The one I have. I'll use the one I have.
24550 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3891 Jim Just faxing. My Dad. A rundown.
24551 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3892 Pam We're small, but we're eager to make a name for ourselves.
24552 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3892 Man Do you have a card?
24553 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3892 Pam Nope, I don't have a card, but I'll do you one better. A little scrap of paper.
24554 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3893 Creed These are terrible boss. You gotta make them in a circle so that they cook evenly.
24555 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3893 Michael These are shaped like paper.
24556 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3893 Creed Well I don't even want these.
24557 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3893 Meredith I'll take them for my kid.
24558 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3894 Erin Country roads, take me home, to the place... Sorry. I like that song. You're good!
24559 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3894 Dwight You're good.
24560 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3894 Erin Thank you.
24561 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3894 Andy That was great, but it's just sort of, it's still a little choppy like. But don't worry, it's hard, it took me a while too. It's like
24562 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3894 Erin Wow!
24563 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3894 Andy What? Oh my God you heard that I'm so embarrassed. I'm like so rusty.
24564 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3894 Dwight Oh it's good, you're coming along. It's really technically proficient but really there's no heart or soul in it.
24565 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3894 Andy Really?
24566 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3894 Dwight Hey you want to sing with me? Almost heaven...
24567 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3894 Dwight, Erin West Virginia, Blue Ridge mountain, Shenandoah River
24568 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3894 Dwight In German! Leben ist dort alt, alter als die Baume, Junger als die Berge, wie eine Brise blasend
24569 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3894 Dwight Take me home, country roads, to the place, I belong. West Virginia, mountain momma, take me home, country roads.
24570 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3894 Dwight Take it Andy! Take me home, to the place I belong, Ba bah dah duh
24571 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3894 Toby You have to stop.
24572 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3895 Michael I once had a dream. That I was eating a peanut butter and tuna fish sandwich. And, let me tell you something it was delicious. So the next day, I decided to make that sandwich. And in real life it is disgusting. It is a disgusting sandwich. And the reason I tell you this story. Pick up the phone.
24573 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3895 Pam Dunder Miff...Michael Scott Paper Company, this is Pam. Oh, hi Russell from the pancake luncheon, how are you? Well we'd like to do business with you too! How can we make that happen?
24574 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3895 Ryan Keep going.
24575 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3895 Michael Don't tell them we have free delivery!
24576 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3895 Pam We already offered free delivery!
24577 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3895 Michael They don't know that!
24578 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3895 Pam Um, I can offer you free delivery on any order that you place today. Okay, twenty boxes? I can do... just a second. I can do 20 boxes at 43 dollars a box. Great!
24579 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3895 Ryan Write it down.
24580 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3895 Michael Give him a guarantee.
24581 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3895 Pam A guarantee of what?
24582 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3895 Michael Just say the word.
24583 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3895 Pam And I guarantee, that you will be satisfied! 'Cause your satisfaction is our guarantee! We guarantee it. We look forward to doing business with you too. Thank you Russell.
24584 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3895 Michael Yes!
24585 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3895 Pam I made a sale!
24586 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3895 Ryan Oh!
24587 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3895 Michael You did!
24588 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3895 Pam Oh!
24589 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3895 Michael Oh yeah!
24590 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3895 Ryan We did it !
24591 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3895 Michael She did it!
24592 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3895 Michael Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
24593 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3896 Michael Who would have thought, that the thing that would save this company would be work? And pancakes? In the end, this day definitely had its ups and downs. I realize that we don't have the biggest office. Which is a surprise, because 165 square feet sounds like a lot. But, we have people with the biggest hearts. And I think for a small company that is really Someone went to the bathroom. That is really what's important.
24594 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3897 Andy Literally every song is better a cappella. Name a song.
24595 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3897 Dwight Cherry Pie, Warrant.
24596 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3897 Andy Better a cappella!
24597 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3897 Dwight No! Really?
24598 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3897 Andy Yeah. Name another.
24599 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3897 Dwight Enter Sandman, Metallica.
24600 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3897 Andy Better a cappella.
24601 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3897 Dwight Rebel Yell, Billy Idol
24602 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3897 Andy Aw!! Way better a cappella
24603 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3897 Dwight Really?
24604 5 23 The Michael Scott Paper Company 3897 Andy Yeah.
24605 5 24 Heavy Competition 3898 Michael Hup!
24606 5 24 Heavy Competition 3899 Pam Things are a little slow here. And there's only so much cold-calling you can do in a day. Turns out there's no limit to the number of cheese puffs you can throw at someone's face.
24607 5 24 Heavy Competition 3899 Michael Hup!
24608 5 24 Heavy Competition 3899 Pam We're getting pretty good at it.
24609 5 24 Heavy Competition 3900 Jim Andy put down a bunch of deposits on stuff for his wedding with Angela, but then she was sleeping with Dwight for... several years. Wait, no, that can't be right.
24610 5 24 Heavy Competition 3900 Pam The timeline's messy.
24611 5 24 Heavy Competition 3900 Jim Anyway, now we are going bargain hunting in the haunted graveyard of their love.
24612 5 24 Heavy Competition 3901 Andy This is my solo.
24613 5 24 Heavy Competition 3901 Pam I'm confused. Am I walking down the aisle to 'You Can Call Me Al?'
24614 5 24 Heavy Competition 3901 Andy Trust me. You will not be walking. You will be boogie-ing.
24615 5 24 Heavy Competition 3901 Jim I am extremely interested. So, how much will all of this cost?
24616 5 24 Heavy Competition 3901 Andy Well, 12 guys, airfare, three nights in a hotel, food per diem, table up front for merch... $9,000.
24617 5 24 Heavy Competition 3901 Pam I don't know. It seems like a lot for an a cappella group from a college we never went to.
24618 5 24 Heavy Competition 3901 Andy Did you even hear the music I just played for you?
24619 5 24 Heavy Competition 3901 Pam Mm-hmm.
24620 5 24 Heavy Competition 3902 Phyllis What's wrong with you?
24621 5 24 Heavy Competition 3902 Dwight These sleeves are cutting off my circulation. Not enough blood getting to my hands.
24622 5 24 Heavy Competition 3902 Phyllis I think you look nice.
24623 5 24 Heavy Competition 3902 Dwight Doesn't Charles know he's compromising my attack readiness? It's not a dress code. It's a death sentence.
24624 5 24 Heavy Competition 3902 Charles Looking good.
24625 5 24 Heavy Competition 3902 Dwight 'Kay, thank you. It's a straight jacket! Okay.
24626 5 24 Heavy Competition 3903 Dwight When Michael was in charge, this place was like the Roman Empire. And the Wild West. And war-torn Poland. And Poland. There was just a lot going on, so what you wore to work was the least of anybody's worries. And in that chaos, I soared.
24627 5 24 Heavy Competition 3904 Michael Hey.
24628 5 24 Heavy Competition 3904 Dwight Hey. Ed's Tires is thinking of making a change.
24629 5 24 Heavy Competition 3904 Michael Is this good?
24630 5 24 Heavy Competition 3904 Dwight They have some great kitchen ideas.
24631 5 24 Heavy Competition 3904 Michael Oh. Okay. Ed's Tires, huh?
24632 5 24 Heavy Competition 3904 Dwight It's small, I know.
24633 5 24 Heavy Competition 3904 Michael I really appreciate it.
24634 5 24 Heavy Competition 3904 Dwight Thanks, Michael. Wait, what is this?
24635 5 24 Heavy Competition 3904 Michael It's for your trouble.
24636 5 24 Heavy Competition 3904 Dwight Wh- I don't need $6 to help a friend.
24637 5 24 Heavy Competition 3904 Michael No, no, listen, as a friend, I want you to have this.
24638 5 24 Heavy Competition 3904 Dwight Michael, you know I can't take this.
24639 5 24 Heavy Competition 3904 Michael Yes, I do.
24640 5 24 Heavy Competition 3904 Dwight But don't forget you owe me $10.
24641 5 24 Heavy Competition 3904 Michael That was four years ago. Why don't you let it go?
24642 5 24 Heavy Competition 3904 Dwight Michael.
24643 5 24 Heavy Competition 3905 Andy What was up with Pam being all pushy and negative in there?
24644 5 24 Heavy Competition 3905 Jim I think she just didn't want a crucifix cake.
24645 5 24 Heavy Competition 3905 Andy It scares me to see you going down a road that I went down.
24646 5 24 Heavy Competition 3905 Jim Am I going down a road?
24647 5 24 Heavy Competition 3905 Andy When I see her bossing you around like that, it just makes me wonder if this thing really has the legs to go the distance.
24648 5 24 Heavy Competition 3905 Jim It's so scary how right the things you're saying are. And you're coming at it with almost no knowledge, so of course I trust your opinion on this.
24649 5 24 Heavy Competition 3906 Andy I know a few things about love. Horrible, terrible, awful, awful things.
24650 5 24 Heavy Competition 3907 Jim I was going to use today to purge my inbox, but now something much more pressing has come up.
24651 5 24 Heavy Competition 3908 Michael Ed's Tires. Why don't you tell them that we have fewer clients, so we can spend more time with each of them. Also, try to discuss it over Indian food, and try to mention how you distrust women.
24652 5 24 Heavy Competition 3908 Pam I'm not gonna do that.
24653 5 24 Heavy Competition 3908 Michael That is smart. That would not seem genuine. Ryan?
24654 5 24 Heavy Competition 3908 Ryan I can get there.
24655 5 24 Heavy Competition 3908 Michael Good, you take the lead on this one. Also, do not forget that he has just gone through a messy divorce.
24656 5 24 Heavy Competition 3908 Ryan Oh, awesome.
24657 5 24 Heavy Competition 3908 Michael Bring it in. Morning cheer.
24658 5 24 Heavy Competition 3908 Michael, Pam, Ryan U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi! You ugly, huh huh, you ugly! You mama says you ugly! Hey! Go Michael Scott Paper Company!
24659 5 24 Heavy Competition 3909 Pam I'm here. I'm a part of this now.
24660 5 24 Heavy Competition 3910 Dwight You needed to speak to me?
24661 5 24 Heavy Competition 3910 Charles Dwight, take a seat.
24662 5 24 Heavy Competition 3910 Dwight I prefer to stand. Less blood clots.
24663 5 24 Heavy Competition 3910 Charles Nah, that's weird. You're gonna sit. Great. You know, Dwight, it has been quite a transition for all of us. Are you happy with the way things have been runnin' lately?
24664 5 24 Heavy Competition 3910 Dwight Do you mean compared to the ways things ran with other bosses? Comparisons are hard.
24665 5 24 Heavy Competition 3910 Charles I've just been impressed with your performance and I wanted to make sure good work doesn't go unnoticed.
24666 5 24 Heavy Competition 3910 Dwight Your concern is noted.
24667 5 24 Heavy Competition 3910 Charles Yeah, I like your work ethic. You're so... focused.
24668 5 24 Heavy Competition 3910 Dwight Like a wolf. Thank you.
24669 5 24 Heavy Competition 3910 Charles And I wanna start givin' you more responsibility. What do you say you and I go out for a drink this week?
24670 5 24 Heavy Competition 3910 Dwight Really?
24671 5 24 Heavy Competition 3910 Charles Definitely.
24672 5 24 Heavy Competition 3910 Dwight It's firm.
24673 5 24 Heavy Competition 3911 Michael I need you to get me the prices that you're charging Ed's tires so I can undercut Dunder Mifflin.
24674 5 24 Heavy Competition 3911 Dwight I don't know that I can do that now. You know, uh, something's come up.
24675 5 24 Heavy Competition 3911 Michael Oh n- Is it Mose? Did you put the cover on that well?
24676 5 24 Heavy Competition 3911 Dwight No, Mose is fine. I roped it off. It's not about Mose. Listen, things are changing here, Michael, they're changing fast.
24677 5 24 Heavy Competition 3911 Michael I'm not following you.
24678 5 24 Heavy Competition 3911 Dwight Imagine... Someone has a personal hero they really wanna help. But then there's this new guy. Very cool, very Will Smith-esque, who would not like it if he helped his hero.
24679 5 24 Heavy Competition 3911 Michael Personal hero, cool new guy. Okay, I think I'm getting your drift.
24680 5 24 Heavy Competition 3911 Dwight Good, do you see what I'm saying?
24681 5 24 Heavy Competition 3911 Michael Crystal clear. So is this for a movie that you're writing?
24682 5 24 Heavy Competition 3911 Dwight No.
24683 5 24 Heavy Competition 3911 Michael Can I use it?
24684 5 24 Heavy Competition 3911 Dwight No.
24685 5 24 Heavy Competition 3911 Michael Dwight, are you talking about us?
24686 5 24 Heavy Competition 3911 Dwight It is possible that I could be talking about us.
24687 5 24 Heavy Competition 3911 Michael Someone could say that it is like the situation that we are in now?
24688 5 24 Heavy Competition 3911 Dwight It is the situation that we are in now.
24689 5 24 Heavy Competition 3911 Michael So I would say that the old boss has always been good to Dwight, and he was there first, so he has dibs. You respect dibs, don't you?
24690 5 24 Heavy Competition 3911 Dwight I'm not a barbarian.
24691 5 24 Heavy Competition 3911 Michael Good. Will you meet me in 20 minutes at the spot?
24692 5 24 Heavy Competition 3911 Dwight I will.
24693 5 24 Heavy Competition 3911 Michael Dwight?
24694 5 24 Heavy Competition 3911 Dwight Yes?
24695 5 24 Heavy Competition 3911 Michael Is the cool new guy Charles?
24696 5 24 Heavy Competition 3911 Dwight I've said too much.
24697 5 24 Heavy Competition 3911 Michael Is it Stanley?
24698 5 24 Heavy Competition 3912 Jim Hey, Andy. You know I've been thinkin about what you said-
24699 5 24 Heavy Competition 3912 Andy 'Noishe.'
24700 5 24 Heavy Competition 3912 Jim -I just don't know if I can do it.
24701 5 24 Heavy Competition 3912 Andy That's interesting, because I hear what you're saying is that you want to do it, which means you can do it. Believe me, I broke up with Angela, and I'm like, the happiest guy ever. I mean, I'm so happy. I'm so happy. Like, total freedom, you know?
24702 5 24 Heavy Competition 3912 Jim It's just that Pam gets me through the day, you know? I really rely on her. I'm pretty emotionally needy.
24703 5 24 Heavy Competition 3912 Andy And you know what? I am here for you. Let me be your traveling pants. Ah, what'd you do that for?
24704 5 24 Heavy Competition 3912 Jim You know that I was doin' this.
24705 5 24 Heavy Competition 3912 Andy Totally.
24706 5 24 Heavy Competition 3912 Jim Okay.
24707 5 24 Heavy Competition 3913 Michael Hello, Dwight. What's with the shirt? Are you alright?
24708 5 24 Heavy Competition 3913 Dwight I'm sorry, Michael
24709 5 24 Heavy Competition 3913 Charles Hi, Michael.
24710 5 24 Heavy Competition 3913 Michael Oh my God! Run! Run! It's a setup. Setup!
24711 5 24 Heavy Competition 3913 Charles No, Mich-Michael.
24712 5 24 Heavy Competition 3913 Michael Dwight, run!
24713 5 24 Heavy Competition 3913 Charles Michael, no, let's be cool, ok?
24714 5 24 Heavy Competition 3913 Michael You be cool.
24715 5 24 Heavy Competition 3913 Charles Yes.
24716 5 24 Heavy Competition 3913 Michael Just-what's going on?
24717 5 24 Heavy Competition 3913 Charles We need to talk about our two companies, and how we should behave. Dwight tells me you've been pestering him for company info.
24718 5 24 Heavy Competition 3913 Michael Mm-do... Dwight would not-
24719 5 24 Heavy Competition 3913 Charles He did.
24720 5 24 Heavy Competition 3913 Dwight I did, Michael. I was upset about the shirt sleeves at first, but now I'm okay with it.
24721 5 24 Heavy Competition 3913 Charles Michael, I want you to stop pestering my salesmen, and I want you to leave Dunder Mifflin alone. Do you understand?
24722 5 24 Heavy Competition 3913 Michael I. Understand. Nothing.
24723 5 24 Heavy Competition 3914 Michael Wow.
24724 5 24 Heavy Competition 3914 Pam Michael, are you alright?
24725 5 24 Heavy Competition 3914 Michael It was a setup. Dwight told Charles. He told him.
24726 5 24 Heavy Competition 3914 Pam Tell us what you're talking about.
24727 5 24 Heavy Competition 3914 Ryan Yeah.
24728 5 24 Heavy Competition 3914 Michael It's like, a girl says she'll make out with you, but then her boyfriend is waiting around the corner with a pee-filled balloon.
24729 5 24 Heavy Competition 3914 Pam We can't help you if you don't just tell us what happened.
24730 5 24 Heavy Competition 3914 Michael I got hit in the face with a pee-filled water balloon, Pam, ok? I don't know how they did it. They filled the balloon with pee. A funnel? I don't know. Is that clear enough for you?
24731 5 24 Heavy Competition 3915 Andy Hey, Jim.
24732 5 24 Heavy Competition 3915 Jim I just totally blew a sales call.
24733 5 24 Heavy Competition 3915 Andy Bro, I do that all the time.
24734 5 24 Heavy Competition 3915 Jim Yeah, well, with you it's different, okay? Cause I just- I just suck. I just- I suck!
24735 5 24 Heavy Competition 3915 Andy Tuna, be nice to my friend Jim, ok?
24736 5 24 Heavy Competition 3915 Jim Why? When I look in the mirror, I don't like the face that looks back.
24737 5 24 Heavy Competition 3915 Andy Well, so what? Your body's a ten.
24738 5 24 Heavy Competition 3915 Jim Forget it.
24739 5 24 Heavy Competition 3915 Andy Jim.
24740 5 24 Heavy Competition 3915 Jim I said forget it.
24741 5 24 Heavy Competition 3916 Dwight Dwight Schrute.
24742 5 24 Heavy Competition 3916 Michael Hello, traitor.
24743 5 24 Heavy Competition 3916 Dwight I think you have the wrong number, Michael.
24744 5 24 Heavy Competition 3916 Michael I want you to listen to me, friend, and I want you to listen to me good. I am going to come at you, and I am going to come at you hard. I am going to steal all of your clients, and then I am going to kill them in front of you.
24745 5 24 Heavy Competition 3916 Pam Michael!
24746 5 24 Heavy Competition 3916 Michael I'm just getting hardcore with him.
24747 5 24 Heavy Competition 3916 Ryan Finally.
24748 5 24 Heavy Competition 3916 Michael Yes, and hear me, Dwight, when I say I brought you into this world, and I can take you out. Bill Cosby.
24749 5 24 Heavy Competition 3917 Dwight Mr. Schofield, please?
24750 5 24 Heavy Competition 3917 Secretary He's in a meeting.
24751 5 24 Heavy Competition 3917 Dwight Dammit!
24752 5 24 Heavy Competition 3918 Michael Is Mr. Schofield there?
24753 5 24 Heavy Competition 3918 Automated phone voice If you'd like to reach an outside line, please dial nine first.
24754 5 24 Heavy Competition 3919 Stanley So, you think Michael's going after the whale, huh?
24755 5 24 Heavy Competition 3919 Dwight I have a long term relationship with Harper Collins publishers and Mr. Schofield. I'm not worried.
24756 5 24 Heavy Competition 3919 Phyllis You sound worried.
24757 5 24 Heavy Competition 3919 Dwight And you have bad skin. Oh, look everyone, we're all making observations!
24758 5 24 Heavy Competition 3920 Michael Well, if you could do me a big favor and tell Mr. Schofield that Michael Scott has tickets to the Wilkes-Barre Penguins game this weekend, and if he would like to join me... Hello, Daniel. How are you? Uh-huh. I sure do. Yes. Wanted to ask, did Kathy ever make JV?
24759 5 24 Heavy Competition 3920 Ryan Look at that old dude and his rolodex go.
24760 5 24 Heavy Competition 3920 Pam I spent a month putting that rolodex on his Blackberry, which he now uses as a nightlight.
24761 5 24 Heavy Competition 3920 Michael Wow. High score?
24762 5 24 Heavy Competition 3921 Dwight And no, I cannot lower my current prices. Hold on. Hello? Mr. Schofield, thank you so much for taking the time to talk. I wanted to discuss your contract with us- oh, you're considering him. I thought Michael Scott left the paper business after his nervous breakdown.
24763 5 24 Heavy Competition 3922 Dwight Michael has been talking to my biggest client. Master and apprentice pitted against one another for the fate of the greater Scranton area paper market. So it's not exactly like 'Highlander,' but still...
24764 5 24 Heavy Competition 3923 Michael Hello, Dwight, I've been expecting your call. What do you want?
24765 5 24 Heavy Competition 3923 Dwight I would like to arrange a truce.
24766 5 24 Heavy Competition 3923 Michael So you heard Schofield is considering a switch, and you want mercy?
24767 5 24 Heavy Competition 3923 Dwight Meet me in our spot in four minutes.
24768 5 24 Heavy Competition 3923 Michael No. No. You think I am going to fall for that? There's no-
24769 5 24 Heavy Competition 3923 Dwight Michael.
24770 5 24 Heavy Competition 3923 Michael Meet- Ok, go to the spot and then walk 100 feet.
24771 5 24 Heavy Competition 3923 Dwight In which direction?
24772 5 24 Heavy Competition 3923 Michael Toward the sun.
24773 5 24 Heavy Competition 3923 Dwight At what time?
24774 5 24 Heavy Competition 3923 Michael Noon.
24775 5 24 Heavy Competition 3923 Dwight That-
24776 5 24 Heavy Competition 3923 Michael You have two seconds.
24777 5 24 Heavy Competition 3924 Dwight Michael. Sorry.
24778 5 24 Heavy Competition 3924 Michael Dwight.
24779 5 24 Heavy Competition 3924 Dwight Michael.
24780 5 24 Heavy Competition 3924 Michael I hope you're not recording this conversation. Good. I cannot believe that you sided with Charles.
24781 5 24 Heavy Competition 3924 Dwight You were making me do things that were not all right.
24782 5 24 Heavy Competition 3924 Michael So you just rat me out? You could have said no.
24783 5 24 Heavy Competition 3924 Dwight And not come through for you?
24784 5 24 Heavy Competition 3924 Michael If you want a truce, I will give you a truce.
24785 5 24 Heavy Competition 3924 Dwight I want a truce.
24786 5 24 Heavy Competition 3924 Michael I do too.
24787 5 24 Heavy Competition 3924 Dwight Let me take you and your whole company out for lunch at Alfredo's.
24788 5 24 Heavy Competition 3924 Michael Cooper's.
24789 5 24 Heavy Competition 3924 Dwight I had fish yesterday.
24790 5 24 Heavy Competition 3924 Michael Damn it.
24791 5 24 Heavy Competition 3925 Michael Oh. Dwight-elicious. Where you at?
24792 5 24 Heavy Competition 3925 Dwight Oh, hi, Michael. I'm so sorry I'm late. I got stuck in traffic.
24793 5 24 Heavy Competition 3925 Michael Really? That's weird. We didn't see any.
24794 5 24 Heavy Competition 3925 Dwight I hit a bear.
24795 5 24 Heavy Competition 3925 Michael What?
24796 5 24 Heavy Competition 3925 Dwight He's technically fine. I imagine the true horror will be when he wakes up in a zoo. Hey, listen, will you do me a favor and order the meatball parm for me, with extra cheese?
24797 5 24 Heavy Competition 3925 Michael Yeah, sure.
24798 5 24 Heavy Competition 3925 Dwight Ok, I will see you very soon, alright?
24799 5 24 Heavy Competition 3925 Michael Okay, see you in a bit. Dwight hit a bear. He'll be here in a sec.
24800 5 24 Heavy Competition 3926 Pam Sounds neat.
24801 5 24 Heavy Competition 3926 Ryan We can spend a couple days there.
24802 5 24 Heavy Competition 3926 Pam Oh my God, I think we've been robbed!
24803 5 24 Heavy Competition 3926 Michael Yeah.
24804 5 24 Heavy Competition 3926 Dwight Did you enjoy your lunch?
24805 5 24 Heavy Competition 3926 Michael Dwight, not now, we've been robbed.
24806 5 24 Heavy Competition 3926 Dwight No, Michael, you were sabotaged.
24807 5 24 Heavy Competition 3926 Michael No, Dwight, we were robbed. How would you even know? You're still stuck in traffic. You?
24808 5 24 Heavy Competition 3926 Dwight Me.
24809 5 24 Heavy Competition 3926 Michael What about our truce?
24810 5 24 Heavy Competition 3926 Dwight I broke it.
24811 5 24 Heavy Competition 3926 Michael On purpose?
24812 5 24 Heavy Competition 3926 Dwight Yes.
24813 5 24 Heavy Competition 3926 Michael Why?
24814 5 24 Heavy Competition 3926 Dwight You think this is some kind of game? No, this is a war, and I will not stop, I will not rest. You have no idea what kind of enemy you've created. You have unleashed the wolf!
24815 5 24 Heavy Competition 3926 Michael Be that as it may, I have your meatball parm sandwich here, and I am going to eat it.
24816 5 24 Heavy Competition 3926 Dwight And I knew that you would do that. The meatball parm is their worst sandwich!
24817 5 24 Heavy Competition 3926 Michael Oh. b*st*rd!
24818 5 24 Heavy Competition 3927 Dwight Hi there. Dwight Schrute here. I was just calling to see if Michael Scott Paper was meeting all of your paper needs, and how is Brenda, age four, ponytail, and Simon, age 7? Oh, you don't say.
24819 5 24 Heavy Competition 3928 Dwight Schrute comma Dwight. And on the back he wrote, "great salesman, better friend." "Tall" and "beets."
24820 5 24 Heavy Competition 3929 Dwight And say hello to Cheri, who is your black wife. I see you're begging for mercy, huh? Well, you will find none here.
24821 5 24 Heavy Competition 3929 Michael Dwight, do you mind if we talk?
24822 5 24 Heavy Competition 3929 Dwight Sure. That'd be fine.
24823 5 24 Heavy Competition 3929 Michael If you keep coming after us, the Michael Scott Paper Company cannot succeed.
24824 5 24 Heavy Competition 3929 Dwight This is war and that is what happens.
24825 5 24 Heavy Competition 3929 Michael Oh, one more thing. I'm going to have you listen while I steal your biggest client.
24826 5 24 Heavy Competition 3929 Dwight Oh, no. No. No. No. No.
24827 5 24 Heavy Competition 3929 Michael Oh, uh oh, I'm turning you down right now.
24828 5 24 Heavy Competition 3929 Dwight Michael! Michael!
24829 5 24 Heavy Competition 3929 Michael You can hear me, but I can't hear you.
24830 5 24 Heavy Competition 3929 Secretary Mr. Schofield's ready to see you now, Mr. Scott.
24831 5 24 Heavy Competition 3929 Michael Oh, great. Mr. Schofield's ready to see me. Thank you so much.
24832 5 24 Heavy Competition 3929 Dwight Don't let him in! He's a traitor! Michael!
24833 5 24 Heavy Competition 3929 Michael Walking in the door...
24834 5 24 Heavy Competition 3929 Mr. Schofield Michael, good to see you.
24835 5 24 Heavy Competition 3929 Michael Mr. Schofield, good to see you. And I'm closing the door.
24836 5 24 Heavy Competition 3930 Michael Now, when Dwight tells you that he will keep prices steady for a year, I think he is speaking out of turn.
24837 5 24 Heavy Competition 3930 Mr. Schofield Really?
24838 5 24 Heavy Competition 3930 Michael Yes. He does not have the authority to say that. I, on the other hand, am the president, the owner, and the founder. It is like you are buying software from Bill Gates.
24839 5 24 Heavy Competition 3930 Dwight Are you saying you invented paper?
24840 5 24 Heavy Competition 3931 Andy Okay, okay.
24841 5 24 Heavy Competition 3931 Jim Oh, God.
24842 5 24 Heavy Competition 3931 Andy Okay, Tuna.
24843 5 24 Heavy Competition 3931 Kelly Hey, guys.
24844 5 24 Heavy Competition 3931 Jim Hey.
24845 5 24 Heavy Competition 3931 Andy Hello.
24846 5 24 Heavy Competition 3932 Andy Excuse me, can I have your attention, everyone? Here's the deal, everybody, Jim Halpert is very upset and disturbed. I don't know if it was something you did, something you said, a look you gave him, maybe it was nothing at all, but here's the deal, ok? It stops now.
24847 5 24 Heavy Competition 3932 Kevin I guess I could be nicer.
24848 5 24 Heavy Competition 3932 Phyllis Andy, I think Jim is messing with you.
24849 5 24 Heavy Competition 3932 Andy Oh, really?
24850 5 24 Heavy Competition 3932 Phyllis Mm-hmm.
24851 5 24 Heavy Competition 3933 Jim Okay.
24852 5 24 Heavy Competition 3933 Andy Yeah, okay, what the heck is happennin' here?
24853 5 24 Heavy Competition 3933 Jim Two things I need you to understand. One, Pam and I are very happy together.
24854 5 24 Heavy Competition 3933 Andy Uh, that's not what was-
24855 5 24 Heavy Competition 3933 Jim And two, that stuff that happened with you and Angela is a bummer, and I know you don't think you're ever gonna find someone else, but you will. I promise you, you will.
24856 5 24 Heavy Competition 3934 Andy Oh man, he got me so good. I learned something about myself today. Yeah. I wish this was a sofa, cause I feel like I could sit here and talk for hours.
24857 5 24 Heavy Competition 3935 Michael What is that thing that Dwight always says? Paper is the soil in which the seeds of business grow?
24858 5 24 Heavy Competition 3935 Dwight It's not the soil! It's the manure! Paper is the manure! On-time delivery is the soil! Aah!
24859 5 24 Heavy Competition 3935 Secretary Uh, hello, Dwight.
24860 5 24 Heavy Competition 3935 Dwight Spin move.
24861 5 24 Heavy Competition 3935 Secretary Oh-
24862 5 24 Heavy Competition 3935 Dwight Ha ha! April 13th, 2002.
24863 5 24 Heavy Competition 3935 Mr. Schofield Dwight, I'm in a meeting.
24864 5 24 Heavy Competition 3935 Michael That's very rude.
24865 5 24 Heavy Competition 3935 Dwight I barge because I care. April 13th, 2002, that is the date when you tried to switch paper providers for an obscure sociology textbook, but were hung out to dry when the price of glossy stock increased.
24866 5 24 Heavy Competition 3935 Mr. Schofield Maybe we should schedule a meeting on our-
24867 5 24 Heavy Competition 3935 Dwight La la la! Continuing. Notice my persistence and recall. Continuing! You called Dunder Mifflin, and your order was filled within an hour!
24868 5 24 Heavy Competition 3935 Michael I'm going to pull a date out of the air right now. April 13th, 2002. That is the last day that you evaluated your paper needs. Is it not? We all know that the economy is bad, and bloated companies like Dunder Mifflin...
24869 5 24 Heavy Competition 3935 Dwight Come on.
24870 5 24 Heavy Competition 3935 Michael Are going to fall by the wayside. Two of their branches have closed within the last year. The Michael Scott Paper Company, however, has opened a new branch this very month.
24871 5 24 Heavy Competition 3935 Dwight What he's not telling you is that he will abandon you.
24872 5 24 Heavy Competition 3935 Mr. Schofield Why don't you guys just e-mail me your best offers and we can finish it up that way?
24873 5 24 Heavy Competition 3935 Michael That sounds like a fantastic idea. I will see you this weekend for the Penguins. Box seats as usual.
24874 5 24 Heavy Competition 3935 Mr. Schofield Uh, ok, sure.
24875 5 24 Heavy Competition 3935 Michael Good, good, good. I will see you.
24876 5 24 Heavy Competition 3935 Dwight Thank you, Mr. Schofield, for your time. Much appreciated. Oh, and tell me, um, how's your gay son?
24877 5 24 Heavy Competition 3935 Mr. Schofield Excuse me?
24878 5 24 Heavy Competition 3936 Michael I color code all my info. I wrote "gay son" in green. Green means go, so I know to go ahead and shut up about it. Orange means "Orange you glad you didn't bring it up?" Most colors mean "Don't say it."
24879 5 24 Heavy Competition 3937 Dwight How is Tom, the homosexual sophomore?
24880 5 24 Heavy Competition 3938 Michael I wanted to start a company, not a war. Because in a war, you always fight those you are closest to. And the great tragedy of the civil war is that brother fought against brother. For what? What purpose did that serve? Apart from abolishing slavery? In that case, war was the right choice. This doesn't feel as important though. That's just how the world works, I guess.
24881 5 25 Broke 3939 Michael It's 4:30 in the morning. Do you know where your kids are? If you are Ryan's parents or Pam's parents or my parents, you do. They're gonna be in this van. With me. Who am I? Nothing to fear. I am just a 44 year old guy with a paper route.
24882 5 25 Broke 3940 Michael Time to make the donuts. Come on. Whoa! No, I promise I won't do it again. Come on. De-nied!
24883 5 25 Broke 3941 Ryan We've been making 5:00 AM deliveries for a couple weeks now. Ever since I've gotten clean there's something about fresh morning air that... just really makes me sick.
24884 5 25 Broke 3942 Michael Hello! Time to make the donuts! Oh, Halpert! Whoa! Boner patrol. Arrest that man! Your donuts make me go nuts! Hey Pam.
24885 5 25 Broke 3943 Pam We got the van at a used car lot. We think it says "Alleluia Church of Scranton." in Korean. It was either this or an old school bus with an owl living in it.
24886 5 25 Broke 3944 Pam You didn't happen to bring any coffee, did you, Michael?
24887 5 25 Broke 3944 Michael Milk and sugar.
24888 5 25 Broke 3944 Pam Oh, awesome. You're a life saver. Wait, is this just milk and sugar?
24889 5 25 Broke 3944 Michael That's what I said.
24890 5 25 Broke 3944 Pam Do you drink this every day?
24891 5 25 Broke 3944 Michael Every morning.
24892 5 25 Broke 3945 Michael We're, uh, we're doing okay. A couple weeks in and, um, we're having fun. Uh, yep. We have 20-- of those.
24893 5 25 Broke 3945 Pam Oh, oh, excuse me! Sorry. Sorry, no. It's, uh, it's a paper company now. It's not for the church.
24894 5 25 Broke 3946 Charles Okay, who covers Bans Pet Grooming?
24895 5 25 Broke 3946 Jim Oh, they're my client.
24896 5 25 Broke 3946 Charles No, they were your client. They just called and told us they're switching over to Michael Scott Paper Company.
24897 5 25 Broke 3946 Dwight Shame, Jim. I expected more.
24898 5 25 Broke 3946 Charles In the last month we have lost ten major clients to Michael Scott.
24899 5 25 Broke 3946 Stanley What are we supposed to do? They keep undercutting us on price.
24900 5 25 Broke 3946 Charles I don't want to hear excuses. I want to see improvements. This is unacceptable.
24901 5 25 Broke 3946 Andy Hey, Boss. Uh, I'd just like to point out that I have been here less time than these guys.
24902 5 25 Broke 3946 Charles Why are you telling me this?
24903 5 25 Broke 3946 Andy I just think the bar should be lower for a newbie.
24904 5 25 Broke 3946 Charles Is this something you really want to have said?
24905 5 25 Broke 3946 Andy I don't want to have said that. But I think it's important that you know it.
24906 5 25 Broke 3947 Charles I don't know what to do to inspire these people. Okay, maybe it's my fault-
24907 5 25 Broke 3947 Dwight It's not your fault. Some people just don't want to be inspired.
24908 5 25 Broke 3947 Charles I wrote a memo to all departments asking them to find ways to save money but, uh--
24909 5 25 Broke 3947 Angela Charles, I got your memo. Thank you. I want you to know I'm putting my foot down when it comes to expense reports. Waste not, want not.
24910 5 25 Broke 3947 Charles Uh, well said, Angela.
24911 5 25 Broke 3947 Dwight Been there, done that.
24912 5 25 Broke 3948 Michael You know what we need? We need some couches in here.
24913 5 25 Broke 3948 Ryan Michael, we should really consider getting a delivery guy.
24914 5 25 Broke 3948 Michael Oh, you know what you would love? Is if we built a loft.
24915 5 25 Broke 3948 Pam Why would I love that? Can we afford a delivery guy?
24916 5 25 Broke 3948 Michael Like in a dorm room. You put your desk underneath, you have your loft up top. You can sleep up top.
24917 5 25 Broke 3948 Pam Yeah, I know what a loft is.
24918 5 25 Broke 3948 Ryan Most dorm rooms don't even have that.
24919 5 25 Broke 3948 Michael Most do in the magazines.
24920 5 25 Broke 3948 Ryan Let's see what a delivery guy costs.
24921 5 25 Broke 3948 Michael We should look into that. Or we just go for the loft.
24922 5 25 Broke 3949 David Wallace Would you let Charles know that David is here, please? Jim, hey.
24923 5 25 Broke 3949 Jim Hey, David.
24924 5 25 Broke 3949 Dwight David Wallace! Hello, we've been expecting you, David Wallace. Charles and I were waiting for you.
24925 5 25 Broke 3949 Charles There he is. There he is. How was the trip up?
24926 5 25 Broke 3949 David A lot better than a month at the Scranton Radisson, I'm sure.
24927 5 25 Broke 3949 Charles Oh, you know it hasn't been that bad. Hasn't been that bad. These people are the salt of the earth down here. You couldn't ask for a better way to learn a company.
24928 5 25 Broke 3949 David Hmmm.
24929 5 25 Broke 3949 Charles I feel like I should be thanking you.
24930 5 25 Broke 3949 David Uh.
24931 5 25 Broke 3950 Charles The conference room is ready if we want to get started.
24932 5 25 Broke 3950 David You know, I just want to address everyone first.
24933 5 25 Broke 3950 Charles Oh yeah, take your time. Stanley, pay attention.
24934 5 25 Broke 3950 David Hi, everyone.
24935 5 25 Broke 3950 Kelly Hi.
24936 5 25 Broke 3950 David Hi. Uh, look it's no secret--
24937 5 25 Broke 3950 Kevin Hi.
24938 5 25 Broke 3950 David Hello. Uh, it is no secret that Michael Scott Paper has siphoned off a large chunk of our core business. And I'm here-- I just want to assure everyone that we think this is just a temporary setback.
24939 5 25 Broke 3950 Charles Right.
24940 5 25 Broke 3950 David Okay?
24941 5 25 Broke 3950 Phyllis Maybe, and I don't know, if you had just returned Michael's call none of us would've lost clients.
24942 5 25 Broke 3950 David I've been wondering that myself lately. We're just gonna get started, we're gonna figure this out. Rest assured. Jim, can you come in with us please?
24943 5 25 Broke 3950 Charles Uh, Jim hold on. You know, David, uh, Dwight's been my guy. Okay?
24944 5 25 Broke 3950 David Hmm.
24945 5 25 Broke 3950 Charles Yeah, Jim--
24946 5 25 Broke 3950 David I find that extraordinarily surprising.
24947 5 25 Broke 3950 Charles He shows promise and Jim, I don't know-- I-- he's been a disappointment.
24948 5 25 Broke 3950 David We'll bring them both in.
24949 5 25 Broke 3950 Charles Okay, great. Uh, Dwight come on in. Also, Jim.
24950 5 25 Broke 3950 Dwight Come along, afterthought.
24951 5 25 Broke 3951 Michael How much can we afford to pay a delivery guy?
24952 5 25 Broke 3951 Financial Guy Well, if these numbers you gave me are correct--
24953 5 25 Broke 3951 Michael They are correct, sir.
24954 5 25 Broke 3951 Financial Guy Then you can't afford to pay him anything.
24955 5 25 Broke 3951 Michael Okay. A lame attempt at humor. Swing and a miss.
24956 5 25 Broke 3951 Financial Guy Your prices are too low.
24957 5 25 Broke 3951 Michael Lowest in town.
24958 5 25 Broke 3951 Financial Guy Why do you think Staples and Dunder Mifflin can't match your prices?
24959 5 25 Broke 3951 Pam Corporate greed?
24960 5 25 Broke 3951 Ryan Look, our price model is fine. I reviewed the numbers myself. Over time with enough volume, we become profitable.
24961 5 25 Broke 3951 Financial Guy Yeah, with a fixed cost pricing model that's correct.
24962 5 25 Broke 3951 Ryan Yeah.
24963 5 25 Broke 3951 Financial Guy But you need to use a variable cost pricing model.
24964 5 25 Broke 3951 Michael Okay, sure. Right, so-- why don't you explain what that is to-- so that they can under-- just explain what that is.
24965 5 25 Broke 3951 Ryan Explain what you think that is.
24966 5 25 Broke 3951 Financial Guy Okay.
24967 5 25 Broke 3951 Michael Explain that.
24968 5 25 Broke 3951 Financial Guy As you sell more paper and your company grows, so will your costs. For example, delivery man, health care...
24969 5 25 Broke 3951 Michael Well, we don't--
24970 5 25 Broke 3951 Financial Guy ...business expansion--
24971 5 25 Broke 3951 Michael Whatever, yeah.
24972 5 25 Broke 3951 Financial Guy At these prices, the more paper you sell, the less money you'll make.
24973 5 25 Broke 3951 Michael Our prices are the only thing keeping us in business.
24974 5 25 Broke 3951 Financial Guy They're actually putting you out of business.
24975 5 25 Broke 3951 Michael Okay, okay. Hold on, hold on. Ty, I would like you to crunch those numbers again.
24976 5 25 Broke 3951 Ty It's a program. There's no such thing--
24977 5 25 Broke 3951 Michael Just crunch 'em. Just crunch 'em please.
24978 5 25 Broke 3951 Ty Crunch.
24979 5 25 Broke 3951 Pam Did it help?
24980 5 25 Broke 3952 Michael Hi, Jerry. Michael Scott. Well, this is slightly embarrassing. Um, I'm going to have to... ask you to pay me a little bit more money for that delivery we dropped off yesterday. Yeah. We did. We got the check, but we're just going to need a much, much bigger check.
24981 5 25 Broke 3953 Pam When a child gets behind the wheel of a car and runs into a tree, You don't blame the child. He didn't know any better. You blame the 30-year-old woman who got in the passenger seat and said, "Drive, kid. I trust you."
24982 5 25 Broke 3954 Jim Now, would corporate approve a temporary price reduction for returning customers?
24983 5 25 Broke 3954 Charles God, no.
24984 5 25 Broke 3954 Dwight Stupid. Yeah, makes us look weak.
24985 5 25 Broke 3954 Charles I agree.
24986 5 25 Broke 3954 Dwight I say we fill Michael's office with bees. My apiarist owes me a favor.
24987 5 25 Broke 3954 Jim Really? Does he do good work or--
24988 5 25 Broke 3954 Dwight No, Jim. I use a bad apiarist.
24989 5 25 Broke 3954 David Fellas, why don't we take a five-minute break and then we will come back, start fresh, sort this out.
24990 5 25 Broke 3954 Dwight Five minutes exactly.
24991 5 25 Broke 3954 Charles Okay. Hey, Dwight. Can I talk to you?
24992 5 25 Broke 3954 Dwight Sure thing.
24993 5 25 Broke 3954 Charles Yeah.
24994 5 25 Broke 3954 Jim Hey. I saw you called.
24995 5 25 Broke 3955 Jim You're just out of business?
24996 5 25 Broke 3955 Pam We have maybe a month. I don't know what I'm gonna do.
24997 5 25 Broke 3955 Jim Oh, yeah, well don't worry about it. We'll figure it out. We'll be okay.
24998 5 25 Broke 3955 Pam That's what Michael said.
24999 5 25 Broke 3955 Jim Oh, yeah. Only this time we will be okay. Oh, that's my new "Dwight" ring.
25000 5 25 Broke 3955 Pam I like it.
25001 5 25 Broke 3955 Jim Good, right? Hello.
25002 5 25 Broke 3955 Dwight Idiot, we're starting back up. This is Dwight, by the way.
25003 5 25 Broke 3955 Jim Oh, okay. Don't worry about it.
25004 5 25 Broke 3956 Michael Did I ever tell you about the day that Steve Martin died?
25005 5 25 Broke 3956 Pam Steve Martin's not dead, Michael.
25006 5 25 Broke 3956 Michael I know. But I always thought that the day that he died would be the worst day of my life. I was wrong. It's this.
25007 5 25 Broke 3956 Pam You want to hear something sad?
25008 5 25 Broke 3956 Michael I would love that.
25009 5 25 Broke 3956 Pam So Jim and I are getting married and the wedding's really expensive. So I tried to get a job on the weekends to earn extra money. I applied to Old Navy, Target and Wal-mart. None of 'em called me back. Not even for an interview.
25010 5 25 Broke 3956 Ryan I never went to Thailand.
25011 5 25 Broke 3956 Pam Really?
25012 5 25 Broke 3956 Ryan I went to Fort Lauderdale.
25013 5 25 Broke 3956 Michael Was it nice?
25014 5 25 Broke 3956 Ryan Yeah, it was amazing. There was a great Pad Thai place, though.
25015 5 25 Broke 3956 Michael I love Pad Thai.
25016 5 25 Broke 3956 Ryan You've never had Pad Thai.
25017 5 25 Broke 3956 Michael No. There's a lot I haven't done.
25018 5 25 Broke 3957 Jim Now, this is the projection over three months?
25019 5 25 Broke 3957 Charles We still have the inventory sitting--
25020 5 25 Broke 3957 Dwight Let me float something out there, okay? Can I just say-- can I say something?
25021 5 25 Broke 3957 David Yeah, yeah.
25022 5 25 Broke 3957 Dwight There is a hive of bees outside the front door. We kidnap the queen, extract her alarm pheromones, place them on a flushable wipe, put that in his bathroom.
25023 5 25 Broke 3957 David I can't believe I'm about to say this, but the cheapest option... is to make Michael an offer.
25024 5 25 Broke 3957 Charles Yes. Yes, I was gonna say the same thing. We should buy him out.
25025 5 25 Broke 3957 Jim Oh, but you didn't.
25026 5 25 Broke 3957 Dwight Oh, Man! If only Michael had children. That's how you really apply the pressure.
25027 5 25 Broke 3957 Charles What is wrong with you?
25028 5 25 Broke 3957 David Jim, you're-- you're pretty close with him. You think they'd be up for hearing an offer?
25029 5 25 Broke 3957 Jim Oh, I don't know. You know, they've taken a good deal of clients, so--
25030 5 25 Broke 3957 David Yeah.
25031 5 25 Broke 3957 Jim I mean I guess-- I guess I could go down there and try to nudge them in the right direction.
25032 5 25 Broke 3957 Dwight You know what? Why don't I do it, okay? Michael adores me. I'm the man for this job. Charles, you got my back on this?
25033 5 25 Broke 3957 Charles No, Jim... I think you should go.
25034 5 25 Broke 3957 Jim Okay, so I'll be back in, um-- back in a bit.
25035 5 25 Broke 3958 Michael Hmm?
25036 5 25 Broke 3958 Jim Hey, can I talk to you guys for a second?
25037 5 25 Broke 3958 Michael We're not hiring, Jim.
25038 5 25 Broke 3958 Jim Actually here for something else.
25039 5 25 Broke 3958 Michael Listen, I can't make you laugh right now.
25040 5 25 Broke 3958 Jim You know I love a good guessing game, but why don't I just tell you what I'm here for? Turns out you guys have made a pretty big dent in the Dunder Mifflin sales.
25041 5 25 Broke 3958 Ryan Oh, that's nice.
25042 5 25 Broke 3958 Jim David Wallace has asked me to come down here and see if you would be interested in Dunder Mifflin buying you out.
25043 5 25 Broke 3958 Pam Seriously? Are you being serious?
25044 5 25 Broke 3958 Ryan He's bluffing, Pam.
25045 5 25 Broke 3958 Michael Jim, what you don't understand is that this company's worthl--
25046 5 25 Broke 3958 Jim Oh!
25047 5 25 Broke 3958 Michael No-- We don't have--
25048 5 25 Broke 3958 Jim Oh! See I'm here to learn as little information as possible. All I really need to hear is if your incredibly successful company would be receptive to a buyout.
25049 5 25 Broke 3958 Michael Uh... Yes.
25050 5 25 Broke 3958 Pam Yes.
25051 5 25 Broke 3958 Ryan Maybe.
25052 5 25 Broke 3958 Jim Three yeses. I will see you titans of industry upstairs.
25053 5 25 Broke 3958 Michael Yes, well, we're not only tight-ends, we are also quarterbacks.
25054 5 25 Broke 3958 Jim Missed the last part.
25055 5 25 Broke 3958 Michael That's a pun.
25056 5 25 Broke 3958 Jim Got it.
25057 5 25 Broke 3958 Michael Yep. Oh... wow.
25058 5 25 Broke 3959 Ryan Okay, so you are not going to reveal in any way that we're broke.
25059 5 25 Broke 3959 Michael Of course not.
25060 5 25 Broke 3959 Ryan That we're having any problem at all.
25061 5 25 Broke 3959 Michael Nope, nope, nope.
25062 5 25 Broke 3959 Pam Just to reiterate, none of us is going to say anything that might indicate that we are going broke.
25063 5 25 Broke 3959 Michael Right, right. There is no way in hell that I am going to say that we're broke.
25064 5 25 Broke 3960 Michael Oh, I'm really worried that I'm going to say it.
25065 5 25 Broke 3960 Pam No, Michael.
25066 5 25 Broke 3960 Michael Ah...
25067 5 25 Broke 3960 Ryan No, man. You're-- you're fine.
25068 5 25 Broke 3960 Pam We have to come from a position of strength.
25069 5 25 Broke 3960 Michael I'm good, I'm good.
25070 5 25 Broke 3960 Ryan Just put it out of your mind.
25071 5 25 Broke 3960 Michael It is. I'm good.
25072 5 25 Broke 3961 Michael Hello.
25073 5 25 Broke 3961 Erin Hi.
25074 5 25 Broke 3961 Michael Michael Scott Paper Company to see Mr. David Wallace. I believe we're expected. Well, well, well. How the turntables...
25075 5 25 Broke 3962 David Michael, in order to expedite these negotiations, we are prepared to make you a very generous offer.
25076 5 25 Broke 3962 Michael And we are prepared to reject that offer.
25077 5 25 Broke 3962 Ryan Michael, you haven't even heard--
25078 5 25 Broke 3962 Michael Never accept their first offer. What is your second offer?
25079 5 25 Broke 3962 David 12000
25080 5 25 Broke 3962 Michael Are you kidding me? That is insultingly low. I don't even want to hear what your first offer was.
25081 5 25 Broke 3963 Angela What do you hear?
25082 5 25 Broke 3964 David Here's the situation. Your company is four weeks old. I know this business. I know what suppliers are charging. I know you can't be making very much money. I don't know how your prices are so low, but I know it can't keep up that way. I'm sure you're scared. Probably in debt. This is the best offer you're gonna get.
25083 5 25 Broke 3964 Michael I'll see your situation and I'll raise you a situation. Your company is losing clients left and right. You have a stockholder meeting coming up and you're going to have to explain to them why your most profitable branch is bleeding. So they may be looking for a little change in the CFO. So I don't think I need to wait out Dunder Mifflin. I think I just have to wait out you.
25084 5 25 Broke 3964 David Okay, now I don't know that I can get this. I do have to go to the board for approval. How's about $60,000. Hmm? $60,0000. Michael?
25085 5 25 Broke 3964 Michael We'll have to talk--
25086 5 25 Broke 3964 Charles What?
25087 5 25 Broke 3964 Ryan We'll have to talk about this.
25088 5 25 Broke 3964 Pam Mm-hmm.
25089 5 25 Broke 3964 Michael Just amongst ourselves.
25090 5 25 Broke 3964 David Okay, yes. Please take the room. Be right outside. Take your time.
25091 5 25 Broke 3964 Michael Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
25092 5 25 Broke 3964 Pam 60000
25093 5 25 Broke 3964 Michael We are so rich.
25094 5 25 Broke 3964 Pam Are you kidding me?
25095 5 25 Broke 3965 Dwight Well, Jerry, the one who got away. May I ask why you're leaving the Michael Scott Paper Company? Really? Please hold. Charles.
25096 5 25 Broke 3965 Charles Dwight.
25097 5 25 Broke 3965 Dwight May I have your attention? The Michael Scott Paper Company is broke.
25098 5 25 Broke 3965 Charles What? How'd you hear that?
25099 5 25 Broke 3965 Dwight They've been calling all of their clients and begging them to pay more money. That can only mean one thing. They're desperate. Which can only mean one thing. They're total failures.
25100 5 25 Broke 3965 Jim Great work Dwight.
25101 5 25 Broke 3965 Dwight Quiet you.
25102 5 25 Broke 3965 Jim No, I mean, great detective work. 'Cause this must be the first case you've ever cracked, right?
25103 5 25 Broke 3965 Dwight You don't crack a case. That has pejorative connotation. That's like calling a policeman a cop. You solve a case, and yes, I've solved plenty.
25104 5 25 Broke 3965 Charles So how long can they stay viable?
25105 5 25 Broke 3965 Jim What are your top five cases?
25106 5 25 Broke 3965 Dwight I'm gonna answer Charles first.
25107 5 25 Broke 3965 Jim Because you've solved zero cases.
25108 5 25 Broke 3965 Dwight Okay, one. Case of the beet bandit. Missing beets from all over the farm. No footprints. Inside job. Mose in socks. Boom, case closed.
25109 5 25 Broke 3965 Charles Okay, do not go anywhere near the conference room.
25110 5 25 Broke 3965 Dwight Done.
25111 5 25 Broke 3965 Charles Because you have embarrassed me for the last time today. Got it?
25112 5 25 Broke 3965 Dwight I'm not-- I'm not following you.
25113 5 25 Broke 3965 Charles You two are morons.
25114 5 25 Broke 3965 Jim Got it.
25115 5 25 Broke 3965 Dwight Wh--
25116 5 25 Broke 3965 Charles Get out.
25117 5 25 Broke 3966 David So you've thought it over, yes, and you accept our offer. We can finally put this whole thing behind us? Hmm?
25118 5 25 Broke 3966 Michael No.
25119 5 25 Broke 3966 Pam Can you give us another minute please?
25120 5 25 Broke 3966 David Yeah.
25121 5 25 Broke 3966 Charles Oh, okay.
25122 5 25 Broke 3966 Pam Michael.
25123 5 25 Broke 3966 Ryan How could you do this to me, Michael? You just cost me $60,000.
25124 5 25 Broke 3966 Pam Why are you assuming you'd get the whole thing?
25125 5 25 Broke 3966 Michael It's a lot of money, okay. But we need money coming in every week. We need jobs. Wouldn't you rather have a fishing pole than a fish?
25126 5 25 Broke 3966 Ryan I would rather have $60,000, honestly.
25127 5 25 Broke 3966 Pam No, Michael's right. Jobs are safer.
25128 5 25 Broke 3966 Michael Agreed?
25129 5 25 Broke 3966 Pam Agreed. But that's all, okay.
25130 5 25 Broke 3966 Ryan Yeah, discuss these things--
25131 5 25 Broke 3966 Michael Shut up, shut up. Hello?
25132 5 25 Broke 3967 Michael I want my old job back. I want my old parking space back. I want a Sebring.
25133 5 25 Broke 3967 Charles They don't make them anymore.
25134 5 25 Broke 3967 Michael And I want Charles gone.
25135 5 25 Broke 3967 David I am not firing Charles. He is very valuable.
25136 5 25 Broke 3967 Charles That's very kind of you to say, David.
25137 5 25 Broke 3967 Michael I need him gone.
25138 5 25 Broke 3967 David No.
25139 5 25 Broke 3967 Michael Okay, then I want Pam back.
25140 5 25 Broke 3967 David Uh, you already have a new receptionist--
25141 5 25 Broke 3967 Michael Sales.
25142 5 25 Broke 3967 Pam Thank you.
25143 5 25 Broke 3967 David Pam's not a salesperson.
25144 5 25 Broke 3967 Michael Yes, she is. At the Michael Scott Paper Company in it's heyday.
25145 5 25 Broke 3967 Pam That's right.
25146 5 25 Broke 3967 David Okay. Please continue.
25147 5 25 Broke 3967 Michael And Ryan.
25148 5 25 Broke 3967 David Ryan cost Dunder Mifflin hundreds of thousands of dollars, Michael. Ryan is--
25149 5 25 Broke 3967 Michael You know, David. I don't care if Ryan murdered his entire family he is like a son to me.
25150 5 25 Broke 3967 David Do you realize what you're asking for here? You're talking about salary plus health benefits--
25151 5 25 Broke 3967 Michael And dental this time.
25152 5 25 Broke 3967 David Insurance, taxes, social security for three people. This is a heck of a lot more than 60 grand. You're talking about a multi-million dollar buy-out.
25153 5 25 Broke 3967 Michael These are our demands.
25154 5 25 Broke 3967 David Your company cannot be worth that much.
25155 5 25 Broke 3967 Michael Our company is worth nothing. That's the difference between you and I. Business isn't about money to me, David. If tomorrow my company goes under, I will just start another paper company. And then another and another and another. I have no shortage of company names.
25156 5 25 Broke 3967 David Michael--
25157 5 25 Broke 3967 Michael That's one of 'em! Yes. These are our demands. This is what we want. Our balls are in your court.
25158 5 25 Broke 3967 David Okay. Deal. Okay?
25159 5 25 Broke 3967 Michael Can we have the room please?
25160 5 25 Broke 3967 David Yeah.
25161 5 25 Broke 3967 Ryan Yes, yes, yes!
25162 5 25 Broke 3967 Pam Alright!
25163 5 25 Broke 3967 Michael Yes! Can you believe it? That's what I'm talking about!
25164 5 25 Broke 3968 Michael There are certain defining moments in a person's life. The day he is born. The day he grows hair. The day he starts a business. And the day he sells that business back to Dunder Mifflin. What have I learned from all of this? It is far too early to tell. I just know that I am flying high and I don't even want to think about it. I just want to enjoy it.
25165 5 25 Broke 3969 Charles Hey, guys--
25166 5 25 Broke 3969 Michael No, no. You're done.
25167 5 26 Casual Friday 3970 Kevin At least once a year, I like to bring in some of my Kevin's Famous Chili. The trick is to undercook the onions. Everybody is going to get to know each other in the pot. I'm serious about this stuff. I'm up the night before pressing garlic and dicing whole tomatoes. I toast my own Ancho chilies. It's a recipe passed down from Malone's for generations. It's probably the thing I do best.
25168 5 26 Casual Friday 3971 Michael Someone is returning! He started his own company, and now he's back. Who could it be? I'll give you a hint. He is a man. A man you have missed with all your heart. A man who has ruined all other men for you. Who is it?
25169 5 26 Casual Friday 3971 Ryan Who is it?
25170 5 26 Casual Friday 3971 Pam Who is it?
25171 5 26 Casual Friday 3971 Michael It's Michael Scott. Hold it up. Conference room, five minutes.
25172 5 26 Casual Friday 3972 Michael Well, I guess the first order of business is to welcome back me, and Pam and Ryan. And how about casual Friday again, huh? Reinstituting casual Friday? You all look great. What I want to do right now is try something a little different. I'm going to throw it out there, starting with this meeting. I want you guys to run it. I want you to say whatever you want, take it away. Your meeting.
25173 5 26 Casual Friday 3972 Dwight Wh--what are you doing?
25174 5 26 Casual Friday 3972 Michael If there is something that you would like to say as a group, then by all means, you may say it to me right now.
25175 5 26 Casual Friday 3972 Angela Okay.
25176 5 26 Casual Friday 3972 Michael Yes.
25177 5 26 Casual Friday 3972 Angela People are dressed inappropriately.
25178 5 26 Casual Friday 3972 Michael Take it up with Toby. What I want you to do, is I want you to look inward. And I want you to reflect. And I want you to say something different.
25179 5 26 Casual Friday 3972 Jim Can you give us a hint?
25180 5 26 Casual Friday 3973 Michael When I needed salespeople for my new paper company, everyone here turned their back on me. Am I going to ask them to beg for forgiveness? No. Am I going to ask for big, crying apology? No. Am I going to ask them to slit their wrists for me? No. I just want a tiny, microscopic version of that.
25181 5 26 Casual Friday 3974 Michael Oscar, what were you going to say?
25182 5 26 Casual Friday 3974 Oscar Nothing. I didn't say anything.
25183 5 26 Casual Friday 3974 Michael All right.
25184 5 26 Casual Friday 3974 Erin Do I still have a job here?
25185 5 26 Casual Friday 3974 Michael Not important. Okay, alright. Yes. Yes, you have a job. Frankly, you have a job because Ryan and Pam are starting with us as salesmen.
25186 5 26 Casual Friday 3974 Dwight Wait, what?
25187 5 26 Casual Friday 3974 Stanley How is that going to work?
25188 5 26 Casual Friday 3974 Michael It's going to work very smoothly, because Pam and Ryan are bringing over a ton of clients from Michael Scott Paper Company and--
25189 5 26 Casual Friday 3974 Phyllis You mean the clients you stole from us.
25190 5 26 Casual Friday 3974 Dwight Yeah , aren't we getting those clients back?
25191 5 26 Casual Friday 3974 Michael No, you lost those clients.
25192 5 26 Casual Friday 3974 Andy I call foul, sir.
25193 5 26 Casual Friday 3974 Michael Okay.
25194 5 26 Casual Friday 3974 Dwight You were bought out. So the company then bought out all of the stolen clients.
25195 5 26 Casual Friday 3974 Michael Okay, Dwight. Let me explain something to you. I set the rules and you follow them. Blindly. Okay? And if you have a problem with that then you can talk to our complaint department. It's a trash can.
25196 5 26 Casual Friday 3975 Meredith Don't fall in love with me, kid.
25197 5 26 Casual Friday 3976 Pam Boscov's at the Steamtown Mall?
25198 5 26 Casual Friday 3976 Phyllis It sure looked good on the mannequin.
25199 5 26 Casual Friday 3976 Pam Well, you have good taste.
25200 5 26 Casual Friday 3976 Phyllis Well, thanks. I sure wish I had more time to talk to my clients, though.
25201 5 26 Casual Friday 3976 Pam What?
25202 5 26 Casual Friday 3976 Phyllis Isn't that what you said to a bunch of my clients when you were stealing them? That I didn't have enough time for them?
25203 5 26 Casual Friday 3976 Pam Oh, I, um...
25204 5 26 Casual Friday 3976 Phyllis Close your mouth, sweetie. You look like a trout.
25205 5 26 Casual Friday 3977 Angela The man is wearing sandals. I don't need to see Oscar's toes at work. Gross! I mean he looks like he just got off the boat.
25206 5 26 Casual Friday 3977 Toby Can't you just not look at his feet?
25207 5 26 Casual Friday 3977 Angela Excuse me? Oh. You're so educated, aren't you Toby? So trained to deal with a hysterical woman. I don't want to look at his feet. Do your job!
25208 5 26 Casual Friday 3978 Toby Well, I was in the Seminary for a year and dropped out 'cause I wanted to have s*x with this girl, Cathy. Followed her to Scranton. Took the first job I could find in H.R. Later she divorced me. So no, I wouldn't say I have a passion for H.R.
25209 5 26 Casual Friday 3979 Michael There you are, my friend.
25210 5 26 Casual Friday 3979 Ryan Oh, thanks, man.
25211 5 26 Casual Friday 3979 Michael Pamela.
25212 5 26 Casual Friday 3979 Pam Thank, Michael.
25213 5 26 Casual Friday 3979 Michael Yep.
25214 5 26 Casual Friday 3980 Dwight Fresh hot ink.
25215 5 26 Casual Friday 3980 Stanley "New File System".
25216 5 26 Casual Friday 3980 Dwight Trust me, Stanley, you're going to want to read this memo very carefully.
25217 5 26 Casual Friday 3980 Stanley I am not changing the way I do my files.
25218 5 26 Casual Friday 3980 Dwight No, no. This goes for all of you. Believe me, you are going to want to heat my words.
25219 5 26 Casual Friday 3981 Dwight When held over heat the invisible ink will reveal that everyone should meet at the warehouse immediately. Do not ask me where I got the invisible ink. Urine. It was urine.
25220 5 26 Casual Friday 3982 Oscar I'm sorry you're offended by my shoes, but I am not going to drive home to change.
25221 5 26 Casual Friday 3982 Toby I could loan you a pair of socks.
25222 5 26 Casual Friday 3982 Oscar No.
25223 5 26 Casual Friday 3982 Toby No, they're clean. I was going to wear them to volleyball practice later.
25224 5 26 Casual Friday 3982 Oscar I don't think so.
25225 5 26 Casual Friday 3983 Andy Andrew Bernard.
25226 5 26 Casual Friday 3983 Dwight Okay, what are you still doing at your desk?
25227 5 26 Casual Friday 3983 Andy What are you still doing not at your desk?
25228 5 26 Casual Friday 3983 Dwight Did you even read the memo?
25229 5 26 Casual Friday 3983 Andy All my files are now in reverse alphabetical order--
25230 5 26 Casual Friday 3983 Dwight No, you idiot. There is a code embedded in the memo. Listen, you need to round up all the salesmen, except for Ryan and Pam, and get them down to the warehouse pronto.
25231 5 26 Casual Friday 3983 Andy Oh, it is on like a prawn who yawns at dawn.
25232 5 26 Casual Friday 3983 Dwight Stop doing rhyming poetry. Just tell them, please. God, the simplest thing.
25233 5 26 Casual Friday 3984 Dwight We're in crisis mode here, do you understand? The two unqualified so-called salespeople are being favored because they all failed together. And frankly, I'm not convinced that Michael and Pam didn't have a thing going while they were gone.
25234 5 26 Casual Friday 3984 Jim Can I address that?
25235 5 26 Casual Friday 3984 Dwight No, you're too close.
25236 5 26 Casual Friday 3984 Jim Okay.
25237 5 26 Casual Friday 3984 Dwight Stanley, how do you feel about those two taking your clients?
25238 5 26 Casual Friday 3984 Stanley It's not right. I don't like it.
25239 5 26 Casual Friday 3984 Dwight He doesn't like it.
25240 5 26 Casual Friday 3984 Phyllis You don't take my clients away and give them to a secretary. No offense, Jim. I think she's very pretty.
25241 5 26 Casual Friday 3984 Dwight Her face is okay, but-- Jesus! What --what are you doing here?
25242 5 26 Casual Friday 3984 Meredith I don't know. I saw a crowd. I thought there might be a dogfight or something--
25243 5 26 Casual Friday 3984 Dwight Get out! We need to do something. I'm thinking maybe a coup or we take Ryan hostage.
25244 5 26 Casual Friday 3984 Phyllis Those sound too harsh.
25245 5 26 Casual Friday 3984 Dwight No, I'm not saying we do those things. I'm saying something like those things.
25246 5 26 Casual Friday 3984 Jim Of course. What is like a hostage?
25247 5 26 Casual Friday 3984 Dwight Excellent question.
25248 5 26 Casual Friday 3984 Andy We could write a strong-worded letter.
25249 5 26 Casual Friday 3984 Dwight Words will never be enough.
25250 5 26 Casual Friday 3984 Jim Strongly-painted picture.
25251 5 26 Casual Friday 3984 Dwight No, pictures are too interpretive.
25252 5 26 Casual Friday 3984 Jim Can I just say something? I know that tempers are high, but I think the best way to handle this might be to just talk to Michael directly.
25253 5 26 Casual Friday 3984 Dwight Oh. Well, that--that's a great idea, Jim. Oh, I totally see your point. Okay, we'll talk to Michael directly. So uh, meeting is over, I guess. I'll see everyone upstairs.
25254 5 26 Casual Friday 3984 Jim Great. See you upstairs.
25255 5 26 Casual Friday 3984 Dwight C'mon. Guys. Psst, listen. Now is the time for action. I'm talking action--
25256 5 26 Casual Friday 3985 Pam That one's great.
25257 5 26 Casual Friday 3985 Michael I know.
25258 5 26 Casual Friday 3985 Ryan You look so classy in that picture.
25259 5 26 Casual Friday 3985 Michael I do? Well--Where is that bowl?
25260 5 26 Casual Friday 3985 Jim Hey, you have a second?
25261 5 26 Casual Friday 3985 Michael Michael Scott Paper Company only.
25262 5 26 Casual Friday 3985 Jim Yeah, I think you're going to want to cool it with that 'cause it's starting to upset the other salesmen.
25263 5 26 Casual Friday 3985 Michael Okay, well---
25264 5 26 Casual Friday 3985 Ryan Tough.
25265 5 26 Casual Friday 3985 Michael I will--no, no. I'll talk to them when they all get back from the bathroom.
25266 5 26 Casual Friday 3985 Jim This is awkward to talk about, but there may or may not be--but definitely is--a mutiny forming in the warehouse right now.
25267 5 26 Casual Friday 3985 Michael Against who?
25268 5 26 Casual Friday 3985 Ryan You. Us.
25269 5 26 Casual Friday 3985 Pam What?
25270 5 26 Casual Friday 3985 Ryan It's gotta be because they all want their clients.
25271 5 26 Casual Friday 3986 Michael The old Michael Scott might have taken this, but not the new Michael Scott. They are in for a bitter surprise. I am not to be truffled with.
25272 5 26 Casual Friday 3987 Michael Six weeks ago, none of these people wanted to come with me. You two were the only ones with the stones to follow.
25273 5 26 Casual Friday 3987 Pam Mm-hmmm.
25274 5 26 Casual Friday 3987 Michael That was us, right there.
25275 5 26 Casual Friday 3987 Pam We were something else.
25276 5 26 Casual Friday 3987 Ryan What you gotta do is you gotta go down to that warehouse and you gotta crack some skulls.
25277 5 26 Casual Friday 3987 Michael Mm-hmm.
25278 5 26 Casual Friday 3987 Ryan Chiklis style.
25279 5 26 Casual Friday 3987 Michael Yeah, the Commish.
25280 5 26 Casual Friday 3987 Ryan Yes, but Chiklis Shield style. Not Commish style.
25281 5 26 Casual Friday 3987 Michael Yeah, yeah. The Shield.
25282 5 26 Casual Friday 3988 Creed It's crazy what's going on out there today, huh?
25283 5 26 Casual Friday 3988 Jim I know. Yeah, it's...kinda--
25284 5 26 Casual Friday 3988 Creed Sometimes it's best just to say out of it.
25285 5 26 Casual Friday 3988 Jim That's true. That's right. Yeah.
25286 5 26 Casual Friday 3988 Creed Want to play a game?
25287 5 26 Casual Friday 3989 Michael Hey gang. Where you been?
25288 5 26 Casual Friday 3989 Dwight Lunch.
25289 5 26 Casual Friday 3989 Michael Where'd you eat?
25290 5 26 Casual Friday 3989 Phyllis A restaurant.
25291 5 26 Casual Friday 3989 Michael What'd you have, Stanley?
25292 5 26 Casual Friday 3989 Andy I had a salmon salad. With water, no ice. I was going to get a soda, but the waiter talked me out of it. Her name was Flo, she had black hair.
25293 5 26 Casual Friday 3989 Stanley I had Mexican food.
25294 5 26 Casual Friday 3989 Michael So since you guys already ate, you won't be eating the stuff you brought with you for lunch, will you? Oh, wow, Stanley. Is that egg salad? Andy brought some salmon.
25295 5 26 Casual Friday 3989 Ryan That looks great.
25296 5 26 Casual Friday 3989 Michael Dwight, is that a meat sandwich? You guys hungry?
25297 5 26 Casual Friday 3989 Ryan I can eat.
25298 5 26 Casual Friday 3989 Michael I'm going to o have some of this meat sandwich.
25299 5 26 Casual Friday 3989 Dwight It's pony.
25300 5 26 Casual Friday 3989 Michael Mom. What kind of sauce is on your salmon?
25301 5 26 Casual Friday 3989 Andy Dijonnaise.
25302 5 26 Casual Friday 3989 Michael Mmm. Thanks for going out, guys.
25303 5 26 Casual Friday 3989 Pam Mmm.
25304 5 26 Casual Friday 3990 Toby Hey, Meredith. Can I talk to you privately for a second?
25305 5 26 Casual Friday 3990 Meredith About what?
25306 5 26 Casual Friday 3990 Toby Your outfit.
25307 5 26 Casual Friday 3990 Meredith What? What's wrong with my outfit?
25308 5 26 Casual Friday 3990 Toby You--you might consider pulling it down a touch. It's ri--it's riding up a little high.
25309 5 26 Casual Friday 3990 Meredith A bunch of prudes. You know, Oscar's allowed to wear sandals, but I'm not allowed to wear open-toed shoes? Is that how it goes?
25310 5 26 Casual Friday 3990 Oscar Meredith, your boob is out.
25311 5 26 Casual Friday 3990 Meredith Fine.
25312 5 26 Casual Friday 3990 Angela Meredith, too far!
25313 5 26 Casual Friday 3990 Kelly Dammit, Meredith, where are your panties?
25314 5 26 Casual Friday 3990 Meredith It's casual day. Happy?
25315 5 26 Casual Friday 3991 Creed No. IF you do that, I'm gonna do that. IF you do that, I'm gonna do that. IF you do this, I'm gonna do that.
25316 5 26 Casual Friday 3991 Jim Well, what if I just do this?
25317 5 26 Casual Friday 3991 Creed You don't want to do that.
25318 5 26 Casual Friday 3992 Jim I'm just hiding out until all this stuff blows over. With Creed. Playing chess. At work. He's winning. I feel like I'm describing a dream I had.
25319 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Ryan I'm sorry you feel that way, Mr. Bart. Is there anything I can do to make things better?
25320 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Dwight Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Give me the phone. Give me the phone.
25321 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Ryan Exactly.
25322 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Dwight That's my client.
25323 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Ryan Exactly. This is your first complaint in ten years.
25324 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Dwight Give me the phone.
25325 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Ryan Things have been generally good.
25326 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Dwight Give me the phone. Tell him Dwight Schrute wants to talk to him.
25327 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Ryan Look, uh, Mr. Bart...
25328 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Dwight Hi, Mr. Bart.
25329 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Ryan At these prices with this service...
25330 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Dwight Hey, it's Dwight here. Give me the phone.
25331 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Ryan You're not gonna find this anywhere else.
25332 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Dwight Dwight Schrute here. Hey, don't hang up.
25333 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Ryan No, no, no. Sir, don't listen.
25334 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Dwight I know times are tough right now, and I laud your thriftiness. Ryan!
25335 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Phyllis Ryan, hand the phone over.
25336 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Ryan Stop flustering me, everybody!
25337 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Stanley Who let this boy on the phone?
25338 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Dwight Ah! Mr. Bart! Ugh! I cannot believe you lost that account. He was my client for ten years!
25339 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Pam You made him lose the account by screaming at him the entire time. It's okay, Ryan.
25340 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Dwight You're a secretary! What do you know?
25341 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Ryan Okay.
25342 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Dwight And you're a temp and I'm taking your phone. I'm confiscating this.
25343 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Michael Hey, hey guys. You know what I want you to do? Shake hands, get over it. That was not a shake, Dwight.
25344 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Dwight We want our clients back or we quit, Michael.
25345 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Michael Who quits?
25346 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Phyllis Me.
25347 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Stanley And me.
25348 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Andy Me too.
25349 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Michael You guys gotta be kidding.
25350 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Dwight No, we gotta be deadly serious. We'll start our own paper company. The Schrute-Bernard-Lapin-Vance...Stanley Paper Company.
25351 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Michael I love it. I love this idea, and I fully support you. As a matter of fact, I'm going to give you some seed money. There you go. There's some seed money for you. And you can take it, no hard feelings. But if you stay, I want an apology, and I want a big one.
25352 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Stanley You want us to apologize to you?
25353 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Michael Yes I do.
25354 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Andy That's completely backwards.
25355 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Michael It's frontward's.
25356 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Phyllis Michael, you thought you were attacking corporate, but we were the ones who got hurt. You should be apologizing to us.
25357 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Stanley That's right.
25358 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Dwight Right.
25359 5 26 Casual Friday 3993 Phyllis Michael, you always said we were a family. Then you went after us.
25360 5 26 Casual Friday 3994 Michael No matter how I look at this, I am in the wrong. And I have looked at this thing, like a hundred different ways. From my point of view, from their point of view...98 others. And the bottom line, I am in the wrong. I'm the bad guy.
25361 5 26 Casual Friday 3995 Michael I need you to arrange a meeting between me and the sales staff without Ryan and Pam knowing.
25362 5 26 Casual Friday 3995 Dwight Gasp. Are you talking about a secret meeting?
25363 5 26 Casual Friday 3995 Michael Whatever you guys did earlier.
25364 5 26 Casual Friday 3995 Dwight I don't know that first things about secret meetings.
25365 5 26 Casual Friday 3995 Michael Just do it, okay?
25366 5 26 Casual Friday 3995 Dwight I'll do--
25367 5 26 Casual Friday 3995 Michael Get 'em there. Get 'em there.
25368 5 26 Casual Friday 3995 Dwight I'll do the best I can.
25369 5 26 Casual Friday 3995 Michael Are you kidding me?
25370 5 26 Casual Friday 3995 Dwight Deceit does not come easy to me.
25371 5 26 Casual Friday 3995 Michael Okay, okay, okay.
25372 5 26 Casual Friday 3996 Erin I really love your outfit.
25373 5 26 Casual Friday 3996 Kelly Thank you so much for saying that. I can't believe that Toby thinks this is inappropriate.
25374 5 26 Casual Friday 3996 Erin You look like J-Lo.
25375 5 26 Casual Friday 3997 Michael So from the bottom of my heart to the top of my heart, I am sorry.
25376 5 26 Casual Friday 3997 Stanley Are you giving us our clients back?
25377 5 26 Casual Friday 3997 Michael If we could just focus and go down the line, and everyone would say, "apology accepted", I think we would all feel better. And then we can break out my gift to you--complimentary white chocolate bark.
25378 5 26 Casual Friday 3997 Stanley Nobody likes that stuff except for you.
25379 5 26 Casual Friday 3997 Michael They wouldn't make it unless people liked it.
25380 5 26 Casual Friday 3997 Phyllis Michael, just give us our clients back. That's all we care about.
25381 5 26 Casual Friday 3997 Michael Okay. If I give you your clients back there won't be enough clients for Ryan and Pam, and I promised both of them they were gonna be salespeople.
25382 5 26 Casual Friday 3997 Stanley So?
25383 5 26 Casual Friday 3997 Michael Fine, have your clients. I can see that's what you wanted all along. However, I rescind my apology.
25384 5 26 Casual Friday 3997 Dwight That's fair.
25385 5 26 Casual Friday 3997 Michael You are not reacting at all as I had hoped.
25386 5 26 Casual Friday 3997 Darryl What'd I tell you about building forts in my warehouse?
25387 5 26 Casual Friday 3998 Ryan Michael gave all of our clients back to their old salespeople, so now there's not enough for both me and Pam to stay on.
25388 5 26 Casual Friday 3998 Pam He can only keep one of us as a salesperson now. He'll make his decision by the end of the day.
25389 5 26 Casual Friday 3998 Ryan I think you should get it. You really grew into it.
25390 5 26 Casual Friday 3998 Pam Oh. I think you should get it. You've changed a lot and you'd be good at it.
25391 5 26 Casual Friday 3998 Ryan If you really think that, will you tell that to Michael? That would go a long way coming from you.
25392 5 26 Casual Friday 3998 Pam Yeah.
25393 5 26 Casual Friday 3998 Ryan Thanks.
25394 5 26 Casual Friday 3999 Creed So hey, I'm want to set you up with my daughter.
25395 5 26 Casual Friday 3999 Jim Oh, I'm engaged to Pam.
25396 5 26 Casual Friday 3999 Creed I thought you were gay.
25397 5 26 Casual Friday 3999 Jim Then why would you want to set me up with your daughter?
25398 5 26 Casual Friday 3999 Creed I don't know.
25399 5 26 Casual Friday 3999 Michael Jim. Can I talk to you for a minute?
25400 5 26 Casual Friday 3999 Jim Sure. Let me just finish this turn.
25401 5 26 Casual Friday 3999 Michael And Bingo was his name. Let's go.
25402 5 26 Casual Friday 3999 Creed Challenge.
25403 5 26 Casual Friday 4000 Michael I need your help. This whole Pam/Ryan debate is screwing with my head.
25404 5 26 Casual Friday 4000 Jim I don't want to be biased, but I am very close to Ryan. You know that.
25405 5 26 Casual Friday 4000 Michael You're close with Pam too.
25406 5 26 Casual Friday 4000 Jim Eh, she's nice, I guess. You know what? Best thing to do, Pros and Cons list.
25407 5 26 Casual Friday 4000 Michael Pro for Ryan, he went to business school, he's my number one choice.
25408 5 26 Casual Friday 4000 Jim Well, that's--
25409 5 26 Casual Friday 4000 Michael I like his hair.
25410 5 26 Casual Friday 4000 Jim Cons, Ryan. He defrauded the company. He has never made a sale.
25411 5 26 Casual Friday 4000 Michael Okay.
25412 5 26 Casual Friday 4000 Jim He definitely stole my iPod.
25413 5 26 Casual Friday 4000 Michael That sounds pretty biased.
25414 5 26 Casual Friday 4000 Jim You didn't hear my pros. Environmentally-conscious 'cause his mom drives him to work everyday.
25415 5 26 Casual Friday 4000 Michael Okay. Pam, pros.
25416 5 26 Casual Friday 4000 Jim Mm-hmm.
25417 5 26 Casual Friday 4000 Michael I like her. I think that she is a fast learner. Cons, she doesn't always follow through. Sh--New York and the whole art school thing. And Roy. She has a weird voice.
25418 5 26 Casual Friday 4000 Jim That's not true.
25419 5 26 Casual Friday 4000 Michael I don't need to tell you that.
25420 5 26 Casual Friday 4000 Jim I think she'd be a really good salesperson.
25421 5 26 Casual Friday 4000 Michael I don't think you are being totally impartial though, because you haven't said one bad thing about Pam.
25422 5 26 Casual Friday 4000 Jim And I won't.
25423 5 26 Casual Friday 4000 Michael Okay. So be it, then you've lost credibility. And I'm going to go with my guy, and that's Ryan.
25424 5 26 Casual Friday 4000 Jim All right. You're right, sometimes when she's tired, she can be a little bit shrill. But that's not a weird voice.
25425 5 26 Casual Friday 4000 Michael Oh, wow! Whoa!
25426 5 26 Casual Friday 4000 Jim Take it easy.
25427 5 26 Casual Friday 4000 Michael Ho-ho, man! Wow. Honey! I want you to bring the garbage out. 'Cause I'm not going to have s*x with you unless you bring out the garba--
25428 5 26 Casual Friday 4001 Michael I have a very difficult decision to make. It's like last week I was at the video store. Do I rent Devil Wears Prada again? Or do I finally get around to seeing Sophie's Choice? It is what you would call a classic difficult decision.
25429 5 26 Casual Friday 4002 Andy You don't understand clothing, Toby. You're dressed like this amorphous blob of khaki.
25430 5 26 Casual Friday 4002 Toby All right, look, what you gotta understand is that when you come to work, you give up certain rights.
25431 5 26 Casual Friday 4002 Dwight Listen up, Flenderson. You're being weak and ineffectual. I'm cowboying this meeting, okay? Here are the new rules. Earth tones only. Also, women are forbidden to wear pants.
25432 5 26 Casual Friday 4002 Toby All right, come. Sit down, Dwight.
25433 5 26 Casual Friday 4002 Dwight No.
25434 5 26 Casual Friday 4002 Toby I'm running this meeting.
25435 5 26 Casual Friday 4002 Dwight That's debatable.
25436 5 26 Casual Friday 4002 Toby It's not. It's not. Sit down or I am writing you up.
25437 5 26 Casual Friday 4002 Meredith Ooh, where has this guy been?
25438 5 26 Casual Friday 4002 Toby Casual Fridays are cancelled. Let's just not do it anymore.
25439 5 26 Casual Friday 4002 Andy You're running from the problem.
25440 5 26 Casual Friday 4002 Toby There's not a single appropriate outfit in this whole--except mine, quite honestly.
25441 5 26 Casual Friday 4003 Michael Pam, can you come in here, please? Have a seat. Well, there's no easy way of saying this. So I think I will just...drag it out. Since the dawn of time there has been--
25442 5 26 Casual Friday 4003 Pam Just tell me.
25443 5 26 Casual Friday 4003 Michael I gave Ryan the sales job. There just weren't enough clients for the two of you. So I had to--
25444 5 26 Casual Friday 4003 Pam No, okay.
25445 5 26 Casual Friday 4003 Michael I'm sorry, sorry.
25446 5 26 Casual Friday 4003 Pam Okay, I get it. Why are you giggling? Is this a joke? Michael, is this-- did I get the job?
25447 5 26 Casual Friday 4003 Michael Yes, you did.
25448 5 26 Casual Friday 4003 Pam I did?
25449 5 26 Casual Friday 4003 Michael Yep.
25450 5 26 Casual Friday 4003 Pam For real, you're not kidding?
25451 5 26 Casual Friday 4003 Michael No, you--no.
25452 5 26 Casual Friday 4003 Pam I did?
25453 5 26 Casual Friday 4003 Michael No, you're the best person for the job. You're going to be great.
25454 5 26 Casual Friday 4003 Pam Oh, Michael, thank you. Thank you.
25455 5 26 Casual Friday 4003 Michael Oh, oh!
25456 5 26 Casual Friday 4003 Pam Thank you. You will not be sorry.
25457 5 26 Casual Friday 4003 Michael You should have seen your face. Oh man! Oh, that was classic.
25458 5 26 Casual Friday 4003 Pam Oh. I really thought I didn't get it.
25459 5 26 Casual Friday 4003 Michael Oh, really?
25460 5 26 Casual Friday 4003 Pam Yeah. 'Cause you said I didn't
25461 5 26 Casual Friday 4003 Michael Oh, man. That was really good. That was really good.
25462 5 26 Casual Friday 4003 Pam What about Ryan?
25463 5 26 Casual Friday 4003 Michael I don't know, I offered him his temp job back. We'll see. He was not happy at all when I offered him this job and then I told him he didn't get the job, so--
25464 5 26 Casual Friday 4003 Pam Yeah. Maybe you shouldn't fake fire people anymore.
25465 5 26 Casual Friday 4003 Michael I don't appreciate you telling me what to do. So clean out your desk, you are through here.
25466 5 26 Casual Friday 4003 Pam Thanks, Michael.
25467 5 26 Casual Friday 4003 Michael Oh! What's our receptionists name?
25468 5 26 Casual Friday 4003 Pam Erin.
25469 5 26 Casual Friday 4003 Michael Could you send her in?
25470 5 26 Casual Friday 4003 Pam Erin. Michael wants to see you.
25471 5 26 Casual Friday 4003 Michael Hello.
25472 5 26 Casual Friday 4003 Erin Hi.
25473 5 26 Casual Friday 4003 Michael Have a seat.
25474 5 26 Casual Friday 4004 Michael This is very difficult to say, but no one here like you in the office and we are going to have to let you go. Hank, could you come up here please? Hank is our security guard--
25475 5 26 Casual Friday 4004 Erin Oh, I can go.
25476 5 26 Casual Friday 4004 Michael He will be ushering you out.
25477 5 26 Casual Friday 4004 Erin Oh!
25478 5 26 Casual Friday 4004 Michael Oh, your face! Oh!
25479 5 26 Casual Friday 4004 Erin Is--do the people--
25480 5 26 Casual Friday 4004 Michael No, I'm kidding. No, you're not--you're not fired. Yet.
25481 5 26 Casual Friday 4004 Erin Oh!
25482 5 26 Casual Friday 4004 Michael Oh...
25483 5 26 Casual Friday 4004 Erin Do they not like me, though?
25484 5 26 Casual Friday 4004 Michael I don't know, actually.
25485 5 26 Casual Friday 4004 Erin Okay.
25486 5 27 Cafe Disco 4005 Erin Oh my God! I can't believe it! I jut won an art contest!
25487 5 27 Cafe Disco 4005 Erin Thanks. I still don't understand why you wanted me to say that.
25488 5 27 Cafe Disco 4005 Dwight Shut up.
25489 5 27 Cafe Disco 4006 Dwight I got her!
25490 5 27 Cafe Disco 4007 Pam Not cool, Dwight.
25491 5 27 Cafe Disco 4007 Jim Not cool.
25492 5 27 Cafe Disco 4008 Michael Oh, no. I still have the lease on the Michael Scott Paper Company, so occasionally I will sneak down here for a little coffee and dancing. I actually dance all the time. Tip-toeing around corporate - it is a ballet. When I am breaking all the rules, I am break dancing. And expresso.
25493 5 27 Cafe Disco 4009 Michael Guys, I'm scared. I'm really scared. I think I'm growing into a giant. Because look at this normal sized coffee cup. Looks so tiny in my giant hand now. Anybody want to go to lunch with me later on?
25494 5 27 Cafe Disco 4009 Dwight I do.
25495 5 27 Cafe Disco 4009 Michael Okay. How about a woman? Pam?
25496 5 27 Cafe Disco 4009 Pam Oh, I can't do lunch. I was just sending you an email. Jim and I need to leave early today to meet with our contractor.
25497 5 27 Cafe Disco 4009 Michael Oh, really? Ok.
25498 5 27 Cafe Disco 4009 Pam Just sent it.
25499 5 27 Cafe Disco 4009 Michael What about the rest of you?
25500 5 27 Cafe Disco 4010 Michael At Dunder-Mifflin there is a very strict no lunch with the boss policy and I don't know who instituted it. I think it started right after my predecessor stepped down, but at the Michael Scott Paper Company I really enjoyed having lunch with Pam and Ryan everyday. So, rules be damned, I wanna have lunch with these people.
25501 5 27 Cafe Disco 4011 Michael Who else? Who else? Ryan?
25502 5 27 Cafe Disco 4011 Ryan I don't do lunch. I'm eating five small meals a day now.
25503 5 27 Cafe Disco 4012 Ryan Now that I'm back to doing the job of a temp, again, I find that food is one thing I can control.
25504 5 27 Cafe Disco 4013 Michael Ok. Anyone? Anyone? At all? Accounting? I am accounting on you to go to lunch with me.
25505 5 27 Cafe Disco 4013 Angela No. I don't want to stay late to have a two hour lunch.
25506 5 27 Cafe Disco 4013 Phyllis Michael, we have a lot of work to do.
25507 5 27 Cafe Disco 4013 Michael What?
25508 5 27 Cafe Disco 4013 Phyllis Work.
25509 5 27 Cafe Disco 4013 Michael Ugh! God! What happened to you people? We are just office drones. We are office drones. All we do is work... is work.
25510 5 27 Cafe Disco 4014 Pam If you don't take out his battery, he just keeps going all day.
25511 5 27 Cafe Disco 4015 Pam Oh, no. Your battery fell out.
25512 5 27 Cafe Disco 4015 Michael I... was just learning... to... love.
25513 5 27 Cafe Disco 4016 Erin Hi, guys. How you doing?
25514 5 27 Cafe Disco 4016 Dwight Erin, how many times do I have to tell you? It is not necessary for you to ask us how we are doing every time you interact with us.
25515 5 27 Cafe Disco 4016 Erin Right. I'm sorry.
25516 5 27 Cafe Disco 4016 Dwight Now, how can I help you?
25517 5 27 Cafe Disco 4016 Erin Did somebody here leave a map in the printer to Youngstown, Ohio?
25518 5 27 Cafe Disco 4016 Dwight Attention, office. Who here is planning a trip to Youngstown, Ohio? I will take your silence to mean that you are all hiding something. This location is the Superior Court -
25519 5 27 Cafe Disco 4016 Pam So someone is going to a court. Big deal.
25520 5 27 Cafe Disco 4016 Dwight It is a big deal. Cause there's only a handful of reasons why someone would ever go to a courthouse in Ohio and not be charged with a crime. To claim an inheritance from a deceased relative. To obtain a learner's permit at age 14 and a half instead of 15. Erin, let me see your birth certificate.
25521 5 27 Cafe Disco 4016 Erin Sure.
25522 5 27 Cafe Disco 4017 Jim There are other reasons to go to Ohio.
25523 5 27 Cafe Disco 4017 Pam We're getting married today.
25524 5 27 Cafe Disco 4017 Jim So, it turns out it's the closest place to get a marriage license without a 3 day waiting period.
25525 5 27 Cafe Disco 4017 Pam Tell 'em how it happened.
25526 5 27 Cafe Disco 4017 Jim Ok. So, we're going through all the wedding plans and, boy, it is complicated.
25527 5 27 Cafe Disco 4017 Pam And very expensive.
25528 5 27 Cafe Disco 4017 Jim Very expensive. Cause you say you want a small wedding and that's great but then you have to invite -
25529 5 27 Cafe Disco 4017 Pam You can't leave anyone out.
25530 5 27 Cafe Disco 4017 Jim No one.
25531 5 27 Cafe Disco 4017 Pam Ok, just get to the good part.
25532 5 27 Cafe Disco 4017 Jim Ok. Right. Oh, so this morning we are having breakfast together and I just looked up from my cereal and I said, " You know what I want to do today? I want to marry you."
25533 5 27 Cafe Disco 4017 Pam I had just woken up. I didn't look cute. That's how I knew he meant it.
25534 5 27 Cafe Disco 4018 Erin Michael? Michael sorry to bother you. Are you going to be working down here? Do you want these down here now?
25535 5 27 Cafe Disco 4018 Michael No work. No work. No work. I come in here to release frustration. Ooh. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ooh.
25536 5 27 Cafe Disco 4018 Erin Well, I like to swim.
25537 5 27 Cafe Disco 4018 Michael That's good.
25538 5 27 Cafe Disco 4018 Erin You have a cool place to come hang.
25539 5 27 Cafe Disco 4018 Michael If you ever want to come down here, door's always open, lock's broken, so...
25540 5 27 Cafe Disco 4018 Erin Thanks.
25541 5 27 Cafe Disco 4018 Michael Come on in. Hey, hey, hey. Here we go. Here we go. Yeah.
25542 5 27 Cafe Disco 4018 Erin Wow.
25543 5 27 Cafe Disco 4018 Michael Now you got it.
25544 5 27 Cafe Disco 4018 Erin Now I do got it.
25545 5 27 Cafe Disco 4018 Michael Now you got it. Hey, you want some espresso?
25546 5 27 Cafe Disco 4018 Erin Oh, yeah.
25547 5 27 Cafe Disco 4018 Michael You gotta keep yourself dehydrated.
25548 5 27 Cafe Disco 4018 Erin That's rule #1.
25549 5 27 Cafe Disco 4018 Michael Ok. I love it. I love it.
25550 5 27 Cafe Disco 4018 Erin Whew.
25551 5 27 Cafe Disco 4018 Michael I love it.
25552 5 27 Cafe Disco 4019 Michael Guys, I believe that I have figured out what is up your butts. There's no reason to be scared. The bad man is gone.Charles is gone.
25553 5 27 Cafe Disco 4020 Michael Charles really did a number on these guys. They are way too focused on work. When I was in charge, this place was like Dave and Buster's People just hanging out, having, fun, eating apps. I don't know. It's like Dave died or something.
25554 5 27 Cafe Disco 4021 Michael Daddy's here and daddy is going to take care of you.
25555 5 27 Cafe Disco 4021 Oscar Please don't refer to yourself as our daddy.
25556 5 27 Cafe Disco 4021 Michael I am your big daddy and I am gonna kiss da boo boo.
25557 5 27 Cafe Disco 4021 Andy Wittle Andy is afwaid.
25558 5 27 Cafe Disco 4021 Michael Andy's afwaid?
25559 5 27 Cafe Disco 4021 Andy Yes.
25560 5 27 Cafe Disco 4021 Michael Are you all afwaid?
25561 5 27 Cafe Disco 4021 Dwight No.
25562 5 27 Cafe Disco 4021 Michael Daddy's here for you. My wittle angels. Ok. I think that I have figured a way to get you guys out of your funk.
25563 5 27 Cafe Disco 4021 Pam What?
25564 5 27 Cafe Disco 4021 Michael Funk is the problem and the solution.
25565 5 27 Cafe Disco 4021 Jim That makes sense.
25566 5 27 Cafe Disco 4021 Michael I've taken my downstairs office and I have turned it into a place to hang out. A place where unattractive and attractive people can get together. To meet. To greet. To see the ones that you love. To love the ones that you see.
25567 5 27 Cafe Disco 4021 Oscar Is this our punishment for not wanting to have lunch with you?
25568 5 27 Cafe Disco 4021 Michael Why don't you get over lunch, Oscar? Everybody else is past it.
25569 5 27 Cafe Disco 4021 Dwight All work and no play makes Michael a dull boy.
25570 5 27 Cafe Disco 4021 Meredith This is like a haunted coffeehouse thing?
25571 5 27 Cafe Disco 4021 Michael No. Dwight is confusing you. That - it's, it's more of a disco.
25572 5 27 Cafe Disco 4021 Andy It's like a haunted disco.
25573 5 27 Cafe Disco 4021 Michael ... with coffee but without the haunted.
25574 5 27 Cafe Disco 4021 Phyllis It's a combo dance house coffee bar.
25575 5 27 Cafe Disco 4021 Michael It's a daytime disco on the ground floor of and industrial office building.
25576 5 27 Cafe Disco 4021 Erin It's a cafe disco.
25577 5 27 Cafe Disco 4021 Michael Exactly.
25578 5 27 Cafe Disco 4021 Kevin So, like, a disco cafe?
25579 5 27 Cafe Disco 4021 Michael Wha - No. No. Not even close. I can't force you to go down but I can entice you. I'm gonna be down there. Erin will be down there from time to time... and all-you-can-eat espresso.
25580 5 27 Cafe Disco 4022 Michael Well, Kevin, I guess it is just me and you.
25581 5 27 Cafe Disco 4022 Kevin Yeah.
25582 5 27 Cafe Disco 4022 Michael Holdin' down the fort.
25583 5 27 Cafe Disco 4022 Kevin Yeah. This place is great.
25584 5 27 Cafe Disco 4022 Michael Thank you.
25585 5 27 Cafe Disco 4022 Angela Oh, my God, Kevin. I am still on hold. You were supposed to get the answer from Michael and come back up.
25586 5 27 Cafe Disco 4022 Kevin I'm sorry.
25587 5 27 Cafe Disco 4022 Michael This is a no work zone. Please respect the lei.
25588 5 27 Cafe Disco 4022 Kevin Yeah. Respect the lei.
25589 5 27 Cafe Disco 4022 Angela Come.
25590 5 27 Cafe Disco 4022 Michael Kevin, stay.
25591 5 27 Cafe Disco 4022 Angela Kevin, come.
25592 5 27 Cafe Disco 4022 Michael Kevin, stay.
25593 5 27 Cafe Disco 4022 Angela Kevin, come.
25594 5 27 Cafe Disco 4022 Michael Stay, stay.
25595 5 27 Cafe Disco 4022 Angela Come on, right now.
25596 5 27 Cafe Disco 4022 Michael Cookie. Kevin, cookie.
25597 5 27 Cafe Disco 4022 Angela Ugh. There is no cookie, Kevin.
25598 5 27 Cafe Disco 4022 Kevin Is there a cookie?
25599 5 27 Cafe Disco 4022 Michael Mmm-hmm.
25600 5 27 Cafe Disco 4022 Angela Wha -
25601 5 27 Cafe Disco 4022 Michael Come on.
25602 5 27 Cafe Disco 4022 Angela Oh, for goodness sakes, Kevin. There's no cookie. There's no cookie. Come on. Come.
25603 5 27 Cafe Disco 4022 Kevin I wanted a cookie.
25604 5 27 Cafe Disco 4022 Angela Completely unacceptable.
25605 5 27 Cafe Disco 4023 Michael Now I know what the founders of Phillip-Morris felt like. you just want to give people a smooth, fun way to relax and suddenly you're just some terrible monster.
25606 5 27 Cafe Disco 4024 Andy Everybody Dance Now", spins in chair] Oww!
25607 5 27 Cafe Disco 4024 Phyllis Aw, what the hell? Hi, Jessica. Is Bob in?
25608 5 27 Cafe Disco 4024 Jessica Oh, he's on a call.
25609 5 27 Cafe Disco 4024 Phyllis Oh, I'll just duck my head in.
25610 5 27 Cafe Disco 4024 Jessica It's pretty important. He wouldn't want to be disturbed. Can I give him a message before he gets off?
25611 5 27 Cafe Disco 4024 Phyllis Tell him I'm going dancing downstairs in the storage closet between the bathrooms that used to be a utility shower and he should join me there.
25612 5 27 Cafe Disco 4024 Jessica I'll let him know.
25613 5 27 Cafe Disco 4024 Phyllis Mmm-hmm.
25614 5 27 Cafe Disco 4025 Michael Phyllis?
25615 5 27 Cafe Disco 4025 Phyllis Hi.
25616 5 27 Cafe Disco 4025 Michael Hey!
25617 5 27 Cafe Disco 4025 Phyllis Hey. I like.
25618 5 27 Cafe Disco 4025 Michael Alright. Back. There you are. There you go. Good. Good. Ooh. Show me some attitude.
25619 5 27 Cafe Disco 4025 Phyllis Oh! Mother ******!
25620 5 27 Cafe Disco 4025 Michael Oh, God! No! No! No! No! No!
25621 5 27 Cafe Disco 4025 Phyllis Back!
25622 5 27 Cafe Disco 4025 Michael Oh, wow! What did you do?
25623 5 27 Cafe Disco 4025 Michael You didn't do that. You're ok. You're ok. Let's lie down. You want to go down? Alright.
25624 5 27 Cafe Disco 4025 Phyllis Wow! Sorry!
25625 5 27 Cafe Disco 4025 Michael Ok. That's ok. That's not a problem. Ok, sweetie.
25626 5 27 Cafe Disco 4025 Dwight Hey! Hey, hey, hey! I got your text. Who's Phillip?
25627 5 27 Cafe Disco 4025 Michael No. No. No.
25628 5 27 Cafe Disco 4025 Dwight Who tipped you over? Was it Phillip?
25629 5 27 Cafe Disco 4025 Phyllis It's my back.
25630 5 27 Cafe Disco 4025 Michael It's her back. We just - We need - Let's - You know what?
25631 5 27 Cafe Disco 4025 Phyllis Call a doctor.
25632 5 27 Cafe Disco 4025 Michael We're going to take care of you. We're gonna get you help. Let's - come on.
25633 5 27 Cafe Disco 4025 Phyllis No. Call Bob.
25634 5 27 Cafe Disco 4026 Michael Oh, no. No. No. This is no good.
25635 5 27 Cafe Disco 4026 Dwight Yeah. Back injuries are common. Not as common as knee injuries but more common than wrist injuries.
25636 5 27 Cafe Disco 4026 Michael I don't need you to give me a history lesson. Ok?
25637 5 27 Cafe Disco 4026 Dwight What do you think history is?
25638 5 27 Cafe Disco 4026 Michael It's just, we need to get her out of here because no one is going to want to go in there with a woman writhing around on the floor. Wait, wait, wait. But most importantly we need to get her some medical attention. ASAP. Stat.
25639 5 27 Cafe Disco 4027 Michael Alright. Here we go.
25640 5 27 Cafe Disco 4027 Dwight Out of the way! Move it or lose it!
25641 5 27 Cafe Disco 4027 Michael You having fun?
25642 5 27 Cafe Disco 4027 Erin Oh, my God! What happened?
25643 5 27 Cafe Disco 4027 Michael What? Oh, just having to much fun. Phyllis, we're going to put you in here. Dwight's going to take care of you.
25644 5 27 Cafe Disco 4027 Phyllis What? No. I thought we were going to the hospital.
25645 5 27 Cafe Disco 4027 Dwight You want to get sick you go to the hospital.
25646 5 27 Cafe Disco 4027 Michael Ok, Dwight. Ok. Good. I do not want anyone to worry.
25647 5 27 Cafe Disco 4027 Oscar What happened to Phyllis?
25648 5 27 Cafe Disco 4027 Michael Oh, you know. Nohting. She's - we were hanging out at Cafe Disco and she had a flare up of am existing injury. But she's a tough, old bird. So...
25649 5 27 Cafe Disco 4027 Angela Can you please go back to work instead of masterminding these situations were in we hurt ourselves?
25650 5 27 Cafe Disco 4027 Michael Ok. Phyllis did injure herself. But she injured herself having fun and I don't think she would trade that memory for anything.
25651 5 27 Cafe Disco 4027 Stanley I would like the memory of a day uninterrupted by this nonsense.
25652 5 27 Cafe Disco 4027 Michael You all took a life here today. you did. The life of the party. Erin?
25653 5 27 Cafe Disco 4027 Erin Yes.
25654 5 27 Cafe Disco 4027 Michael I want you to go downstairs and I want you to shut it down.
25655 5 27 Cafe Disco 4027 Erin Like unplug the coffee machine and bring it up here.
25656 5 27 Cafe Disco 4027 Michael I don't care. Bury it. I hope you're happy.
25657 5 27 Cafe Disco 4027 Dwight I'm gonna need two able bodied men.
25658 5 27 Cafe Disco 4028 Kelly Cafe Disco? More like Crappe Disco.
25659 5 27 Cafe Disco 4028 Erin You're bad.
25660 5 27 Cafe Disco 4028 Vance Refrigeration Guy 1 There's girl in there.
25661 5 27 Cafe Disco 4028 Vance Refrigeration Guy 2 Where?
25662 5 27 Cafe Disco 4028 VRG 1 The other room?
25663 5 27 Cafe Disco 4028 VRG 2 What other room?
25664 5 27 Cafe Disco 4028 VRG 1 Down the hall.
25665 5 27 Cafe Disco 4028 VRG 2 There's girls in there?
25666 5 27 Cafe Disco 4028 VRG 1 What'd I just say?
25667 5 27 Cafe Disco 4028 VRG 2 You have another sandwich?
25668 5 27 Cafe Disco 4028 VRG 1 Forget the sandwich. Girls. Girls.
25669 5 27 Cafe Disco 4029 Michael I guess they got what they want. I am eating alone. Might as well be dinner.
25670 5 27 Cafe Disco 4030 Dwight You comfy? Alright? Alright. Relax. Relax, ok?
25671 5 27 Cafe Disco 4030 Phyllis Dwight! Dwight!
25672 5 27 Cafe Disco 4030 Dwight Come on. Relax. The shirt wasn't doing you any favors. If my assessment in correct, you grind your teeth?
25673 5 27 Cafe Disco 4030 Phyllis I do.
25674 5 27 Cafe Disco 4031 Dwight No kidding! She sits three feet from me. It's the most annoying thing. It's like children singing Christmas carols.
25675 5 27 Cafe Disco 4032 Andy Yeah! I love the vibe down here.
25676 5 27 Cafe Disco 4032 Erin Ashley! You made it!
25677 5 27 Cafe Disco 4032 Oscar You invited someone?
25678 5 27 Cafe Disco 4032 Erin Oh, yeah. Was I not allowed to do that?
25679 5 27 Cafe Disco 4032 Oscar I've been here 8 years and I've never... Rude.
25680 5 27 Cafe Disco 4033 Andy I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure I'm in a dance off. Alright!
25681 5 27 Cafe Disco 4034 Michael Cafe Disco is dead but I can still hear the music in my head.
25682 5 27 Cafe Disco 4034 Creed I hear it, too, Boss.
25683 5 27 Cafe Disco 4035 Michael It's better than I imagined it!
25684 5 27 Cafe Disco 4036 Phyllis That feels good, Dwight.
25685 5 27 Cafe Disco 4036 Dwight Tell me where it hurts.
25686 5 27 Cafe Disco 4036 Phyllis Right... mmmm... right there.
25687 5 27 Cafe Disco 4036 Dwight Oh yeah. you've got a knot in your crest. This remedy has been passed down in my family for generations. and it always works. My grandfather was told that Diamond Dancer would never race again. they were wrong. He came in 9th in the Apple Creek Derby and his jerky came in 3rd the following year. A majestic beast. So fast. So tender.
25688 5 27 Cafe Disco 4037 Michael Welcome, welcome! Cafe Disco. I am Michael Scott.
25689 5 27 Cafe Disco 4037 Erin Hey, Angela! Welcome to -
25690 5 27 Cafe Disco 4037 Angela Stop!
25691 5 27 Cafe Disco 4037 Michael Angela. Angela. Angela. May I interest you in a triple espresso or perhaps a dance?
25692 5 27 Cafe Disco 4037 Angela No. I didn't come down here to get wet and wild. I just need you to sign these.
25693 5 27 Cafe Disco 4037 Michael Oh. Alright. There you go.
25694 5 27 Cafe Disco 4037 Angela No. You need to sign them all.
25695 5 27 Cafe Disco 4037 Michael No. No. No. Here is the deal - one signature for every song.
25696 5 27 Cafe Disco 4037 Angela Look, I hate to be "that" person but I just don't like the general spirit of music.
25697 5 27 Cafe Disco 4037 Michael I know. I know, Angela. A lot of people doubted Cafe Disco at first but it is a magical place. You have to give it a chance. If these walls could tale they would say, " This is a magical place! You are safe here. We have talking walls. We're not going to eat you." No.
25698 5 27 Cafe Disco 4038 Dwight This is oil from the gland of an otter. It keeps their fur water resistant, as well as traps heat. Now I need you to lie still for an hour.
25699 5 27 Cafe Disco 4038 Phyllis An hour? I can't stay here an hour.
25700 5 27 Cafe Disco 4038 Dwight Whoa! Whoa, whoa, girl. Whoa. Whoa.
25701 5 27 Cafe Disco 4039 Creed Boss, this used to hang from my windshield but it belongs in here.
25702 5 27 Cafe Disco 4039 Michael Hey, thank you, Creed. you're really getting this place.
25703 5 27 Cafe Disco 4039 Creed No problem. I'll just have no idea who's driving behind me now.
25704 5 27 Cafe Disco 4040 Dwight I'm gonna with the python.
25705 5 27 Cafe Disco 4040 Phyllis But the rattler's so scary.
25706 5 27 Cafe Disco 4040 Dwight No. Please. I find the rattle soothing. It puts me to sleep.
25707 5 27 Cafe Disco 4040 Phyllis I think Bob is gonna cheat on me with his new secretary.
25708 5 27 Cafe Disco 4040 Dwight What's so funny?
25709 5 27 Cafe Disco 4040 Phyllis When I say it out loud it's so silly.
25710 5 27 Cafe Disco 4041 Michael Hey! Hey! Angela, no! No cleaning up!
25711 5 27 Cafe Disco 4041 Angela You are forcing me to be down here. Am I not allowed to have some fun?
25712 5 27 Cafe Disco 4041 Michael No... cleaning... up.
25713 5 27 Cafe Disco 4042 Jim These are for you.
25714 5 27 Cafe Disco 4042 Pam They're beautiful.
25715 5 27 Cafe Disco 4042 Jim You ready?
25716 5 27 Cafe Disco 4042 Pam Yeah.
25717 5 27 Cafe Disco 4043 Jim We should probably stop by. It'd mean a lot to him.
25718 5 27 Cafe Disco 4044 Michael Hey! Hey! Jim and Pam! Can you believe this? It's really happening.
25719 5 27 Cafe Disco 4044 Phyllis Wanna dance, Dwight?
25720 5 27 Cafe Disco 4044 Dwight Ordinarily I would say no but you need to move to reduce lactic acid build-up. Also, this song is fantastic.
25721 5 27 Cafe Disco 4044 Bob Vance Mind if I steal my wife?
25722 5 27 Cafe Disco 4044 Dwight You can't steal what is legally your property.
25723 5 27 Cafe Disco 4044 Bob Vance Are those staples?
25724 5 27 Cafe Disco 4045 Andy This dance competition is not over.
25725 5 27 Cafe Disco 4045 Kelly What dance competition? I was just dancin' casual with my friends, y'all.
25726 5 27 Cafe Disco 4046 Michael You guys are the best for coming. You don't have to stay if you don't want to. I understand.
25727 5 27 Cafe Disco 4046 Jim We're gonna stay.
25728 5 27 Cafe Disco 4046 Michael Really?
25729 5 27 Cafe Disco 4046 Jim Yeah. At least for one more dance.
25730 5 27 Cafe Disco 4046 Michael Oh, no. Not me. Not me. Get out of here. Cafe Disco! Hey! Come on, man. It's not even to "Y".
25731 5 27 Cafe Disco 4047 Pam This is so cheesy.
25732 5 27 Cafe Disco 4047 Jim Yes.
25733 5 27 Cafe Disco 4047 Pam I like cheesy.
25734 5 27 Cafe Disco 4047 Jim Me, too.
25735 5 27 Cafe Disco 4047 Pam Yeah. I think maybe I want a "wedding" wedding.
25736 5 27 Cafe Disco 4047 Jim Me, too.
25737 5 27 Cafe Disco 4047 Pam Really?
25738 5 27 Cafe Disco 4047 Jim Yeah.
25739 5 27 Cafe Disco 4048 Michael Would you like to dance?
25740 5 27 Cafe Disco 4048 Angela No.
25741 5 27 Cafe Disco 4049 Andy Yeah. No. Well, ok.
25742 5 27 Cafe Disco 4049 Kelly Stop squirming.
25743 5 27 Cafe Disco 4049 Andy Well, stop trying to poke me with a sharp thing.
25744 5 27 Cafe Disco 4049 Kelly You wanted to do this. Just be brave.
25745 5 27 Cafe Disco 4049 Andy I, I - but you're not a professional and I'm thinking maybe we should have gone to a professional.
25746 5 27 Cafe Disco 4049 Kelly I'm doing it. No. I'm doing it for free. You have to stop squirming otherwise I'm gonna mess up.
25747 5 27 Cafe Disco 4049 Andy Are you sure that's not the "gay" ear?
25748 5 27 Cafe Disco 4049 Kelly Gay ear? Are you 12 years old?
25749 5 27 Cafe Disco 4049 Andy Well, I...
25750 5 27 Cafe Disco 4049 Kelly Look, I'm gonna count to 3.
25751 5 27 Cafe Disco 4049 Andy Count to twen - count to twenty.
25752 5 27 Cafe Disco 4049 Kelly No. I'm gonna count to 3.
25753 5 27 Cafe Disco 4049 Andy K
25754 5 27 Cafe Disco 4049 Kelly 1... 2... 3
25755 5 27 Cafe Disco 4049 Andy Agh! Son of a bitch!
25756 5 27 Cafe Disco 4049 Kelly Andy, that was just the ice.
25757 5 27 Cafe Disco 4049 Andy It was?
25758 5 27 Cafe Disco 4049 Kelly Yeah. It was.
25759 5 28 Company Picnic 4050 Erin Dunder Mifflin, this is Erin... He's not available right now... Uh huh... Yes... Sure, I'll give him the message when he gets up-- gets back.
25760 5 28 Company Picnic 4051 Jim Michael had chicken potpie for lunch. Actually, let me rephrase that, Michael had an entire chicken pot pie for lunch, and- let me be more specific. Michael ate an entire family-sized chicken potpie for lunch and then he promptly fell asleep, so we're all trying to be very quiet so as to not wake him up before 5:00 pm. Which, actually, should be in about... ten minutes.
25761 5 28 Company Picnic 4052 Jim Okay, I'm gonna go in there and change the computer. Are you sure you can change his watch?
25762 5 28 Company Picnic 4052 Pam I can do it.
25763 5 28 Company Picnic 4052 Dwight What do you need from me?
25764 5 28 Company Picnic 4053 Dwight Normally I don't condone leaving early, but I have an appointment with the horse doctor. How that horse became a doctor, I don't know. No, I'm kidding. He's just a regular doctor who shoots your horse in the head when its leg is broken.
25765 5 28 Company Picnic 4054 Dwight Like clockwork.
25766 5 28 Company Picnic 4055 Jim Three, two, one...
25767 5 28 Company Picnic 4055 Michael Uh oh. What's so funny?
25768 5 28 Company Picnic 4055 Pam You had to be there.
25769 5 28 Company Picnic 4055 Michael Oh yay! Geography joke. Oh! Wow! Okay. Alright, let's all go home. Come on. See you all tamale.
25770 5 28 Company Picnic 4056 Michael See you later!
25771 5 28 Company Picnic 4056 Dwight Bye Michael! Yeah!
25772 5 28 Company Picnic 4057 Jim All right, you ready for this?
25773 5 28 Company Picnic 4057 Pam Yeah, we walk around, everyone sees our faces and we leave, right?
25774 5 28 Company Picnic 4057 Jim Yeah.
25775 5 28 Company Picnic 4057 Pam Okay.
25776 5 28 Company Picnic 4057 Jim Wait, should I have left the car running?
25777 5 28 Company Picnic 4058 Pam Oh, don't get us wrong, we like picnics.
25778 5 28 Company Picnic 4058 Jim Come on, who doesn't like a picnic?
25779 5 28 Company Picnic 4058 Pam Tell them what happened last year.
25780 5 28 Company Picnic 4058 Jim I had this huge spider in my baseball mitt.
25781 5 28 Company Picnic 4058 Pam No, no, that guy who hit on me.
25782 5 28 Company Picnic 4058 Jim Oh, right, some drunk guy hit on Pam last year. Said he was grabbing her for balance.
25783 5 28 Company Picnic 4058 Pam Yeah, you don't grab these for balance.
25784 5 28 Company Picnic 4058 Jim Well...
25785 5 28 Company Picnic 4059 Dwight I'm gonna say 30.
25786 5 28 Company Picnic 4059 Rolph Ah, 40. Insect repellent, which we clearly need, reduces the effectiveness of SPF.
25787 5 28 Company Picnic 4059 Dwight Good point, but, thought of that already. Combination SPF/repellent.
25788 5 28 Company Picnic 4059 Rolph Woah. Homemade?
25789 5 28 Company Picnic 4059 Dwight Of course. You think the EPA would ever allow that much DEET?
25790 5 28 Company Picnic 4060 Dwight Rolph is my best friend. We met in a shoe store. I heard him asking for a shoe that could increase his speed and not leave any tracks.
25791 5 28 Company Picnic 4061 Kevin Michael, isn't that Holly?
25792 5 28 Company Picnic 4061 Michael We're just friends. Hey, hey, wait a second. Who let you in here, is what I want to know.
25793 5 28 Company Picnic 4061 Holly Oh no, I see they're letting just anybody in here.
25794 5 28 Company Picnic 4061 Michael Mmhmm. Yeah, that's right.
25795 5 28 Company Picnic 4061 Holly All right.
25796 5 28 Company Picnic 4061 Michael All right. Mmhmm. Hey.
25797 5 28 Company Picnic 4061 Holly Hi. You remember AJ, my boyfriend?
25798 5 28 Company Picnic 4061 Michael A little bit. Uh, I meet a lot of people.
25799 5 28 Company Picnic 4061 AJ Hey Michael.
25800 5 28 Company Picnic 4061 Michael Hey. Arrggh. So would you guys like some lemonade? Or one of you? Or both of you? Either or. The combinations are endless.
25801 5 28 Company Picnic 4061 Holly Lemonade sounds great.
25802 5 28 Company Picnic 4061 Michael Okay.
25803 5 28 Company Picnic 4061 AJ I'd love an iced tea, actually.
25804 5 28 Company Picnic 4061 Michael You can go to hell. I'm kidding. Um, sure, I will get you the best iced tea in the world.
25805 5 28 Company Picnic 4062 Michael I lied to Kevin. Holly and I can never be just friends. I wrote down a list of bullet points why Holly and I should be together, and I'm going to find the perfect moment today and I am going to tell her. Number one: "Holly, you and I are soup snakes." The-and the reason is... because... in terms of the soup, we like to- that doesn't make any sense. We're soul mates. Holly and I are soul mates.
25806 5 28 Company Picnic 4063 Charles Jim. Pam.
25807 5 28 Company Picnic 4063 Jim Hey, how are you?
25808 5 28 Company Picnic 4063 Pam Hey Charles.
25809 5 28 Company Picnic 4063 Charles Nice day, huh?
25810 5 28 Company Picnic 4063 Jim Yeah.
25811 5 28 Company Picnic 4063 Charles Must be nice to get a rest from all your rest.
25812 5 28 Company Picnic 4063 Jim I don't get it. He's not even my boss anymore.
25813 5 28 Company Picnic 4063 Pam Do you want me to beat him up for you?
25814 5 28 Company Picnic 4063 Jim No, I shouldn't have to ask you to do stuff like that. You should just do it.
25815 5 28 Company Picnic 4064 Dwight Listen up everyone! I've gone over this lineup very carefully. We cannot forget the humiliation we suffered last year at the softball game with Jim's whole spider-in-the-mitt incident. Right?
25816 5 28 Company Picnic 4064 Jim Well, I could've died, so... I looked it up online afterwards.
25817 5 28 Company Picnic 4064 Dwight Erin, back row. Ryan, you move up a row!
25818 5 28 Company Picnic 4064 Andy Bro-migo, you think you could put Erin on my row?
25819 5 28 Company Picnic 4064 Dwight Why? I don't understand.
25820 5 28 Company Picnic 4064 Andy If-
25821 5 28 Company Picnic 4064 Dwight Woah, woah, woah. W-w-wait a minute. I get it. You want her to set you up so you can spike it.
25822 5 28 Company Picnic 4064 Andy Uh...
25823 5 28 Company Picnic 4064 Dwight I'll tell you what, I'm gonna do you one better. I'm gonna put you next to Phyllis. She is the best setter on the team.
25824 5 28 Company Picnic 4064 Andy That's...
25825 5 28 Company Picnic 4064 Dwight Sly dog.
25826 5 28 Company Picnic 4064 Andy ... not what I meant.
25827 5 28 Company Picnic 4064 Dwight Come on, folks!
25828 5 28 Company Picnic 4065 Michael What is up with you two, Holly?
25829 5 28 Company Picnic 4065 Holly Um, not much.
25830 5 28 Company Picnic 4065 AJ We're designing a house.
25831 5 28 Company Picnic 4065 Michael Cool. For who?
25832 5 28 Company Picnic 4065 AJ For us.
25833 5 28 Company Picnic 4065 Michael Wow... I'm designing a chair. It's part of your pants. You sit down, you're supported.
25834 5 28 Company Picnic 4065 Holly I remember your chair pants idea.
25835 5 28 Company Picnic 4065 AJ I like that. Put me down for a pair. I'm a size 34 waist.
25836 5 28 Company Picnic 4065 Michael All right, fatty. I will do it. You know what, we should actually rehearse.
25837 5 28 Company Picnic 4065 Holly Okay, yeah.
25838 5 28 Company Picnic 4065 AJ You guys are really gonna do this?
25839 5 28 Company Picnic 4065 Michael You bet your fat ass we are.
25840 5 28 Company Picnic 4066 Michael Well, in his infinite wisdom, David Wallace has authorized us to put on a little presentation about the history of Dunder Mifflin.
25841 5 28 Company Picnic 4066 Holly Yep, the old comedy team is back together again.
25842 5 28 Company Picnic 4066 Michael That's right.
25843 5 28 Company Picnic 4066 Holly Have ya hoyd the news? Extry! Extry! Read all about it!
25844 5 28 Company Picnic 4066 Michael Newspapers for sale!
25845 5 28 Company Picnic 4067 Andy Are you blind?! Are you blind?! Sir, with the glasses, are you literally blind? I'm concerned you might be in danger.
25846 5 28 Company Picnic 4067 Man These are expensive Ray-Bans, jackass.
25847 5 28 Company Picnic 4067 Andy Okay, I was just looking out for you. You're doing great, by the way.
25848 5 28 Company Picnic 4067 Erin Thanks.
25849 5 28 Company Picnic 4068 Kevin I got it.
25850 5 28 Company Picnic 4068 Dwight Ohh! Oh, Kevin! Come on!
25851 5 28 Company Picnic 4068 Andy Are you blind?!
25852 5 28 Company Picnic 4068 Dwight I could've gotten that, idiot!
25853 5 28 Company Picnic 4068 Andy Can you see things with your eyeballs?!
25854 5 28 Company Picnic 4068 Dwight It's not a sledgehammer! Come on, people! We need to get our heads in the game! Let's focus! Come on, you're better than this! I am better than this! Phyllis, why are you sitting on the ground?!
25855 5 28 Company Picnic 4068 Phyllis We've been out here for a while. I don't need this.
25856 5 28 Company Picnic 4069 Dwight Oh come- Ryan, come on, man! W-w-wait. Net. Net. Her hand's on the net.
25857 5 28 Company Picnic 4069 Woman So what?
25858 5 28 Company Picnic 4069 Dwight Rule violation. Ball is ours. Give it to me. Our point. Okay. Hey, Pam, how ya doin? Hey, do you know if you're right-handed or left-handed? Or do you even know? What hand do you use to answer the phone?
25859 5 28 Company Picnic 4069 Pam Back off, Dwight. Hyuh! What?
25860 5 28 Company Picnic 4070 Pam Maybe I played a little in junior high... and in high school... maybe a little in college... and went to volleyball camp most summers.
25861 5 28 Company Picnic 4071 Pam Hyuh! Well, look at that, we win!
25862 5 28 Company Picnic 4071 Jim Nice job, Beesly.
25863 5 28 Company Picnic 4071 Dwight Yes! We advance to the next round!
25864 5 28 Company Picnic 4071 Phyllis Oh, Lord in heaven.
25865 5 28 Company Picnic 4071 Stanley Had to be part of the group.
25866 5 28 Company Picnic 4072 Michael I brought some snacky snacks, in case we get hungry.
25867 5 28 Company Picnic 4072 Holly Ooh, yes please. Mmm. So what do you have planned for us today? Hmm?
25868 5 28 Company Picnic 4072 Michael What?
25869 5 28 Company Picnic 4072 Holly Do you have a script for the sketch, or...
25870 5 28 Company Picnic 4072 Michael Um, no, I just thought we'd wing it. That cool?
25871 5 28 Company Picnic 4072 Holly Crystal cool.
25872 5 28 Company Picnic 4073 Dwight Hit it Andy!
25873 5 28 Company Picnic 4073 Andy Bump! I bumped it!
25874 5 28 Company Picnic 4073 Kevin Set!
25875 5 28 Company Picnic 4073 Dwight Don't set it to yourself!
25876 5 28 Company Picnic 4073 Kevin Yeah!
25877 5 28 Company Picnic 4073 Phyllis Ow, my ankle!
25878 5 28 Company Picnic 4073 Dwight What happened?
25879 5 28 Company Picnic 4073 Phyllis I... twisted it.
25880 5 28 Company Picnic 4073 Dwight You weren't even moving. Okay, sub!
25881 5 28 Company Picnic 4073 Angela I can play.
25882 5 28 Company Picnic 4073 Rolph Is there a... Meredith here?
25883 5 28 Company Picnic 4073 Meredith Yeah! Man in!
25884 5 28 Company Picnic 4073 Angela Rolph, did you not hear me?
25885 5 28 Company Picnic 4073 Rolph I don't hear cheaters, tramps, or women who break my friend's heart. Let's go!
25886 5 28 Company Picnic 4074 Michael We could do a movie... sort of thing.
25887 5 28 Company Picnic 4074 Holly We could do Back to the Future.
25888 5 28 Company Picnic 4074 Michael Oh!
25889 5 28 Company Picnic 4074 Holly We have to convince Dunder and Mifflin to go back in time... fix their parents.
25890 5 28 Company Picnic 4074 Michael Could we get a Delorean?
25891 5 28 Company Picnic 4074 Holly Jaws. They swim in the ocean and they terrorize the whole community.
25892 5 28 Company Picnic 4074 Michael Oh! Dun-der. Dun-der...
25893 5 28 Company Picnic 4074 Holly Dun-der. Dun-der...
25894 5 28 Company Picnic 4074 Michael Dun-der. Dun-der. Dun-der. Dun-der. Blooo!!
25895 5 28 Company Picnic 4074 Holly Oh... We haven't found our great idea yet.
25896 5 28 Company Picnic 4074 Michael No. No.
25897 5 28 Company Picnic 4074 Holly Oh.
25898 5 28 Company Picnic 4074 Michael We're circling it.
25899 5 28 Company Picnic 4074 Holly Hmm...
25900 5 28 Company Picnic 4075 David Nicely done. We're still going to crush you though!
25901 5 28 Company Picnic 4075 Charles Yes we are!
25902 5 28 Company Picnic 4075 Rolph You suckers are goin down! They're gonna wipe their asses with your serves! Piss all over your faces!
25903 5 28 Company Picnic 4075 Dwight Okay, Rolph! Woah. Wait, wait-
25904 5 28 Company Picnic 4075 Rolph It's true!
25905 5 28 Company Picnic 4075 Toby Ah, this reminds me of the HR convention last fall.
25906 5 28 Company Picnic 4075 Kendall Oh yeah, with Bernie and Efrem. That was hilarious.
25907 5 28 Company Picnic 4075 Toby Really, really funny.
25908 5 28 Company Picnic 4075 Kendall Really funny.
25909 5 28 Company Picnic 4076 Dwight Listen guys, one more point and we play corporate.
25910 5 28 Company Picnic 4076 Oscar Settle down gentlemen.
25911 5 28 Company Picnic 4076 Pam Good game!
25912 5 28 Company Picnic 4077 David Welcome to the 43rd Annual Company Picnic, everybody. Thanks for being here. Now, a couple of employees have volunteered to entertain us with a song.
25913 5 28 Company Picnic 4077 Michael Uh, it's a sketch now.
25914 5 28 Company Picnic 4077 David Okay, introducing Scranton's Michael Scott performing with Nashua's Holly Flax! I have not seen this.
25915 5 28 Company Picnic 4077 Michael And now, presenting...
25916 5 28 Company Picnic 4077 Both SlumDunder Mifflinaire!
25917 5 28 Company Picnic 4077 Holly Are you ready to play SlumDunder Mifflinaire?
25918 5 28 Company Picnic 4077 Michael Yes, I am.
25919 5 28 Company Picnic 4077 Holly For one hundred dollars, where did Dunder meet Mifflin? A.) On easy street, B.) a tour of Dartmouth College, C.) they never met, D.) brushing their teeth?
25920 5 28 Company Picnic 4077 Michael Ohh, I'm thinking... I'm going to say... B, tour of Dartmouth College.
25921 5 28 Company Picnic 4077 Holly That is correct! How did you know that?!
25922 5 28 Company Picnic 4077 Michael Ahhhh!! Ohhh!! Ahhh!! I was there! Ahhh!! I was a tour guide at Dartmouth College!! Noooo!!!
25923 5 28 Company Picnic 4077 Holly Nice campus. Think you'll get in?
25924 5 28 Company Picnic 4077 Michael Yeah, I'm definitely getting in. I'm a shoo-in.
25925 5 28 Company Picnic 4077 Holly I'm Robert Dunder.
25926 5 28 Company Picnic 4077 Michael I'm Robert Mifflin. Ah, okay.
25927 5 28 Company Picnic 4077 Holly Robert Mifflin had a great life. But unfortunately, had undiagnosed depression, which over nine million Americans suffer from and is very treatable. For two hundred and fifty dollars, how did he kill himself? A.) A rope, B.) a knife, C.) a gun, D.) brushing his teeth!
25928 5 28 Company Picnic 4077 Michael Two hundred and fifty dollars is more money than I've ever seen in my life. I will say, C, a gun. He shot himself in the head.
25929 5 28 Company Picnic 4077 Holly That is correct!
25930 5 28 Company Picnic 4077 Michael Yes!
25931 5 28 Company Picnic 4078 Stanley I usually don't enjoy the theater, but this is delightful.
25932 5 28 Company Picnic 4079 Holly The economic downturn has been difficult recently, forcing the closures of both Camden and Yonkers, to be followed soon by what other branch? For five-hundred thousand dollars, is it A.) Scranton, B.) Buffalo, C.) Utica, or D.) toothbrush!
25933 5 28 Company Picnic 4079 Michael I will say B, Buffalo! Final answer!
25934 5 28 Company Picnic 4079 Holly That is correct!
25935 5 28 Company Picnic 4079 Man from Buffalo What is he talking about?
25936 5 28 Company Picnic 4079 Holly How did you know that?!
25937 5 28 Company Picnic 4079 Michael David Wallace told me!!
25938 5 28 Company Picnic 4079 Woman from Buffalo David, is this true?
25939 5 28 Company Picnic 4079 David Uh, okay everyone, we're at a picnic today...
25940 5 28 Company Picnic 4079 Man from Buffalo Are we losing our jobs or not, David?
25941 5 28 Company Picnic 4079 Holly They didn't know?
25942 5 28 Company Picnic 4079 Michael I guess not.
25943 5 28 Company Picnic 4079 David I'm sorry, this certainly wasn't the time or the place to announce this sort of thing, but there have been talks about closing the Buffalo branch.
25944 5 28 Company Picnic 4079 Woman from Buffalo And?
25945 5 28 Company Picnic 4079 David We're- we're closing the Buffalo branch.
25946 5 28 Company Picnic 4079 Man from Buffalo You've got to be kidding me! You've got to be kidding me! We're the best branch in the company! I can't believe it.
25947 5 28 Company Picnic 4080 David How could you possibly think that the right way to announce a branch closing was in a comedy sketch at the company picnic?
25948 5 28 Company Picnic 4080 Michael Well... I didn't know they didn't know.
25949 5 28 Company Picnic 4080 David What about the fact that they're here today? What about that? That didn't throw up any alarms? No, Michael needed a little bit for his comedy sketch, and he thought, "oh, this would be really funny."
25950 5 28 Company Picnic 4080 Michael Thank you.
25951 5 28 Company Picnic 4080 David Damn it, Michael, I told you that in confidence. Now I have to go over and deal with these employees and their families. A little boy just walked up to me and said, "is my daddy gonna have a job by Christmas?"
25952 5 28 Company Picnic 4080 Michael Well, he's just thinking about his own gifts.
25953 5 28 Company Picnic 4081 Meredith Maybe we shouldn't play due to the circumstances.
25954 5 28 Company Picnic 4081 Dwight Hey, people need volleyball now more than ever.
25955 5 28 Company Picnic 4081 Pam How do you figure?
25956 5 28 Company Picnic 4081 Dwight Because if we don't play, then the other team wins.
25957 5 28 Company Picnic 4081 Oscar Dwight's right. Corporate deserves to get its ass kicked.
25958 5 28 Company Picnic 4081 Pam Let's do this.
25959 5 28 Company Picnic 4082 Andy Jim, come on!
25960 5 28 Company Picnic 4082 Charles Look who just woke up! I've been up for a while.
25961 5 28 Company Picnic 4082 Kevin It's six to six. It's a nail-biter.
25962 5 28 Company Picnic 4082 Angela Kevin! Now it's seven-six, or is that too much accounting for you?
25963 5 28 Company Picnic 4082 Rolph Here's an accounting question for you: what does one fiance plus one lover equal? Answer: one whore.
25964 5 28 Company Picnic 4082 Dwight Okay, knock it off, Rolph.
25965 5 28 Company Picnic 4082 Rolph What? She is sitting there, casting aspersions-
25966 5 28 Company Picnic 4082 Dwight Rolph, please. I am asking nicely-
25967 5 28 Company Picnic 4082 Rolph No way! You don't mean that!
25968 5 28 Company Picnic 4082 Dwight Rolph, leave it alone!
25969 5 28 Company Picnic 4083 Erin Yeah! Boo-yah!
25970 5 28 Company Picnic 4084 Pam I got it!
25971 5 28 Company Picnic 4084 Dwight Pam!
25972 5 28 Company Picnic 4084 Pam Oof!
25973 5 28 Company Picnic 4084 Jim You all right?
25974 5 28 Company Picnic 4084 Pam Yep. No, no, no, I'm fine.
25975 5 28 Company Picnic 4084 Jim You sure?
25976 5 28 Company Picnic 4084 Pam Yeah.
25977 5 28 Company Picnic 4084 Jim Hey, easy, easy...
25978 5 28 Company Picnic 4084 Charles Woah, woah, woah, woah, you wanna get that looked at.
25979 5 28 Company Picnic 4084 Pam No, no, it's fine. Just gimme a second.
25980 5 28 Company Picnic 4084 Charles I don't know. You know, this is a company picnic, so technically that is a company injury, you know? Safest thing to do is get that examined, right David?
25981 5 28 Company Picnic 4084 David Yeah.
25982 5 28 Company Picnic 4084 Jim All right, you know what? You're just trying to get rid of our best player.
25983 5 28 Company Picnic 4084 Charles Oh, Jim, you're putting a volleyball game in front of your fiance's health.
25984 5 28 Company Picnic 4084 Jim No, uh-
25985 5 28 Company Picnic 4084 Pam Look, seriously, I can move it fine. Come on, let's go, it's our ball. Let's go!
25986 5 28 Company Picnic 4084 Charles Yeah, I don't think we can let you play with that foot.
25987 5 28 Company Picnic 4084 Dwight Tell you what. I spotted a small hospital a few kilometers south of here. Get her back as soon as possible. I'll stall 'em.
25988 5 28 Company Picnic 4084 Charles I guess that's it for you, Jim.
25989 5 28 Company Picnic 4084 Jim All right, you know what? Let's do this.
25990 5 28 Company Picnic 4084 Pam We'll be back!
25991 5 28 Company Picnic 4084 Dwight Oh man, I am so mad that Pam got hurt! Argh!! Rrrraah!!! I'll get it.
25992 5 28 Company Picnic 4085 Michael Probably shouldn't have mentioned Buffalo.
25993 5 28 Company Picnic 4085 Holly Hindsight.
25994 5 28 Company Picnic 4085 Michael Should've had hindsight.
25995 5 28 Company Picnic 4085 Holly How do you think it went before the Buffalo thing?
25996 5 28 Company Picnic 4085 Michael I think it went well. I think it was good.
25997 5 28 Company Picnic 4085 Holly There weren't any laughs.
25998 5 28 Company Picnic 4085 Michael No, it was a tough audience.
25999 5 28 Company Picnic 4085 Holly Yeah, but we wrote it specifically for this audience.
26000 5 28 Company Picnic 4085 Michael Believe me, I have seen a lot of tough audiences in my time, and that was one of them.
26001 5 28 Company Picnic 4085 Holly Well, I'm glad we did it.
26002 5 28 Company Picnic 4085 Michael Me too. We have a lot of good material for next year's sketch.
26003 5 28 Company Picnic 4085 Holly I can't wait.
26004 5 28 Company Picnic 4086 Jim Yeah, she's with the nurse right now, so you'll have to stall a little longer... No, don't send in the subs yet... Dwight, I don't know. Think of something!
26005 5 28 Company Picnic 4086 Nurse To be safe, we should do an x-ray.
26006 5 28 Company Picnic 4086 Pam How long will that take?
26007 5 28 Company Picnic 4086 Nurse Oh, shouldn't be too bad, it's a slow day. So, no other radiation this year, no metal plates, no chance you're pregnant...
26008 5 28 Company Picnic 4086 Pam I'm sorry, can we just hurry this up? I've got a game to get back to.
26009 5 28 Company Picnic 4086 Nurse Oh good, because my next question was "do you have a game to get back to."
26010 5 28 Company Picnic 4087 Holly What'd you think?
26011 5 28 Company Picnic 4087 AJ I loved it. You know, there was a part near the end that seemed like that went on a little long, but...
26012 5 28 Company Picnic 4087 Michael Well you guys should hit the road before... I close down another branch.
26013 5 28 Company Picnic 4087 Holly Okay. So good to see you.
26014 5 28 Company Picnic 4087 Michael Good to see you. AJ.
26015 5 28 Company Picnic 4087 AJ Michael.
26016 5 28 Company Picnic 4088 Michael I didn't find a perfect moment, because I think that today was just about just having today. And I think that we are one of those couples with a long story, when people ask how they found each other. I will see her every now and then, and... Maybe one year she'll be with somebody, and the next year, I'll be with somebody, and it's gonna take a long time... And then it's perfect. I'm in no rush.
26017 5 28 Company Picnic 4089 David Dwight, come on now, it's time to put in the subs.
26018 5 28 Company Picnic 4089 Charles Yeah, it looks like Pam won't make it back. Okay?
26019 5 28 Company Picnic 4089 Dwight Okay. Fine.
26020 5 28 Company Picnic 4089 Charles All right! Come on.
26021 5 28 Company Picnic 4089 Dwight Except, you know what? It's not fine. How many people need to get hurt before we learn a valuable lesson? One? Two? Three? Four?
26022 5 28 Company Picnic 4089 Andy Dwight.
26023 5 28 Company Picnic 4089 Dwight No, no, hear me out. Five? Six?
26024 5 28 Company Picnic 4089 David Dwight.
26025 5 28 Company Picnic 4089 Dwight Seven? Can I finish please?
26026 5 28 Company Picnic 4089 David Okay.
26027 5 28 Company Picnic 4089 Dwight Eight?
26028 5 28 Company Picnic 4090 Jim Oh, Dwight, we're so close! Just buy us a few more minutes... Well, they just called me in for an update, so I'll call you right back... Okay... Okay, great. Hey, Dwight, uh... send in the subs! Ohh!
26029 6 1 Gossip 4091 Michael Parkour!
26030 6 1 Gossip 4091 Andy Parkour!
26031 6 1 Gossip 4091 Dwight Extreme! Parkour!
26032 6 1 Gossip 4091 Jim This... is Parkour. Internet sensation of 2004. And it was in one of the Bond films. It's pretty impressive. The goal is to get from point A to point B as creatively as possible, so technically they are doing Parkour, as long as point A is delusion and point B is the hospital.
26033 6 1 Gossip 4091 Dwight, Andy Parkour! Parkour!
26034 6 1 Gossip 4091 Dwight Andy! Leapfrog!
26035 6 1 Gossip 4091 Andy Do me! Do me!
26036 6 1 Gossip 4091 Dwight Yeah! Parkour! Parkour!
26037 6 1 Gossip 4091 Andy Ow! Get off! Get off!
26038 6 1 Gossip 4091 Dwight Okay.
26039 6 1 Gossip 4091 Andy, Michael Parkour! Parkour!
26040 6 1 Gossip 4091 Dwight Jump over the camera! Jump over the camera!
26041 6 1 Gossip 4091 Michael Okay, we all go together or we go one at a time.
26042 6 1 Gossip 4091 Andy Here it is, here it is... truck, to refrigerators, to dumpster, 360 onto the pallets, backflip gainer to the trash can.
26043 6 1 Gossip 4091 Michael, Dwight Yeah! Gainer! Woohoo!
26044 6 1 Gossip 4091 Andy Hardcore Parkour!
26045 6 1 Gossip 4091 Michael Parkoooooour!
26046 6 1 Gossip 4091 Dwight Let's do it!
26047 6 1 Gossip 4091 Andy Parkour!
26048 6 1 Gossip 4092 Dwight Good. Excellent. Thank you.
26049 6 1 Gossip 4092 Female Intern There you go. Is there anything else I can do?
26050 6 1 Gossip 4092 Dwight Yes. Umm... see those files behind Kevin's desk?
26051 6 1 Gossip 4092 Female Intern Mm hmm.
26052 6 1 Gossip 4092 Dwight Go put them all in random order.
26053 6 1 Gossip 4092 Female intern Mm-kay.
26054 6 1 Gossip 4092 Dwight Then come back here for your next assignment concerning their order.
26055 6 1 Gossip 4093 Pam This is the last day of our summer interns. It's been nice. We haven't had interns for a while, ever since Michael's Monica Lewinsky incident. He didn't do anything sexual. He just made far, far too many Monica Lewinsky jokes. It was just easier for corporate to shut down the program.
26056 6 1 Gossip 4094 Meredith Think she did him?
26057 6 1 Gossip 4094 Oscar I bet there's something there. I was with them in the kitchen yesterday, and they were all too happy to be cleaning the freezer.
26058 6 1 Gossip 4094 Kelly If they get married before I do, I'm going to kill myself.
26059 6 1 Gossip 4094 Michael Who's getting married?
26060 6 1 Gossip 4094 Pam Nobody.
26061 6 1 Gossip 4094 Michael If somebody doesn't tell me, I'm gonna start screaming.
26062 6 1 Gossip 4094 Kelly It's Eric and Megan.
26063 6 1 Gossip 4094 Michael Oh! Hey, I hired them! Matchmaker! This place is like Spaniard Fly.
26064 6 1 Gossip 4094 Phyllis They're not getting married. It's just talk.
26065 6 1 Gossip 4094 Michael Did everybody know about this but me?
26066 6 1 Gossip 4094 Phyllis There's nothing to know, it's just gossip.
26067 6 1 Gossip 4094 Michael Okay... okay.
26068 6 1 Gossip 4095 Pam We haven't told anyone I'm pregnant.
26069 6 1 Gossip 4095 Jim Well, with her being unmarried... knocked up by some guy, I mean the yakity-yaks in this office would have a field day.
26070 6 1 Gossip 4095 Pam Yeah, we don't want them at the wedding thinking Jim's being marched down the aisle by my dad with a shotgum.
26071 6 1 Gossip 4095 Jim Wait, there's not gonna be a shotgun?
26072 6 1 Gossip 4095 Pam Nope.
26073 6 1 Gossip 4095 Jim No shotgun... 'cause that changes everything.
26074 6 1 Gossip 4095 Pam Can't back out now, Halpert.
26075 6 1 Gossip 4095 Jim What are you gonna do about it? There's no shotgun, so... free at last, free at last!
26076 6 1 Gossip 4095 Pam No, keep it up.
26077 6 1 Gossip 4096 Michael You'll never guess what I know.
26078 6 1 Gossip 4096 Dwight Okay, let me finish this thought.
26079 6 1 Gossip 4096 Michael Eric likes Megan.
26080 6 1 Gossip 4096 Dwight He most definitely does. He's been asking her out repeatedly for weeks. She finally said yes. They went out on a group date the other night; apparently it went very well.
26081 6 1 Gossip 4096 Michael How do you know this?
26082 6 1 Gossip 4096 Dwight People tell me things. I guess I have a face you can trust. I think it's because of my low cheekbones. And... boom. Okay, what is it, what can't I guess?
26083 6 1 Gossip 4097 Michael I hate, hate, hate being left out. Whether it's not being picked for a team, or being picked for a team and showing up and realizing the team doesn't exist. Or that the sport doesn't exist? I should've known. Poopball?
26084 6 1 Gossip 4098 Michael Man, I know how you feel. Third wheel. I have been the third wheel so many times in my life. My mom told me something once that made me feel a lot better. She said "The third wheel is what makes it a tricycle."
26085 6 1 Gossip 4098 Maurie What are you talking about?
26086 6 1 Gossip 4098 Michael I'm talking about your group date with Megan and Eric.
26087 6 1 Gossip 4098 Maurie At Tink's?
26088 6 1 Gossip 4098 Michael Yes
26089 6 1 Gossip 4098 Maurie How'd you know about that?
26090 6 1 Gossip 4098 Michael Well...
26091 6 1 Gossip 4098 Maurie Did Stanley tell you?
26092 6 1 Gossip 4098 Michael Stanley was on your group date?
26093 6 1 Gossip 4098 Maurie No, Stanley was with his wife. I waved at him, but he didn't wave back.
26094 6 1 Gossip 4098 Michael Does anybody else know about this?
26095 6 1 Gossip 4098 Maurie No.
26096 6 1 Gossip 4099 Michael There he goes. There he goes.
26097 6 1 Gossip 4099 Michael So, what is the scuttlebutt? Anybody hear anything?
26098 6 1 Gossip 4099 Michael Nothing? Well I got a little somethin' somethin'. I don't know if I should say...
26099 6 1 Gossip 4099 Pam Just keep it to yourself then.
26100 6 1 Gossip 4099 Michael Stanly is having a midlife crisis.
26101 6 1 Gossip 4099 Dwight Stanley's way past the middle of his life. Especially considering his height to weight ratio.
26102 6 1 Gossip 4099 Michael Well apparently, he and his wife were out dancing at a club for young people.
26103 6 1 Gossip 4099 Phyllis Teri's out of town, Michael.
26104 6 1 Gossip 4099 Michael Who?
26105 6 1 Gossip 4099 Phyllis Teri, Stanley's wife. She's at an interior decorating expo in Philly. Stanley hates crowds, kids, and music. I think you should check your facts.
26106 6 1 Gossip 4100 Michael You stupid son of a bitch. You set me up.
26107 6 1 Gossip 4100 Maurie What are you talking about?
26108 6 1 Gossip 4100 Michael Stanley's wife is out of town.
26109 6 1 Gossip 4100 Maurie He was with somebody.
26110 6 1 Gossip 4100 Eric He was definitely with somebody.
26111 6 1 Gossip 4100 Michael Oh, was he? Well who, his sister?
26112 6 1 Gossip 4100 Michael I don't get it!
26113 6 1 Gossip 4100 Eric If that was his sister, then what they were doing was totally illegal.
26114 6 1 Gossip 4100 Michael Drugs?
26115 6 1 Gossip 4100 Eric Making out.
26116 6 1 Gossip 4100 Michael Mmm... okay. Uhh... hmm... okay. Never mind. Carry on.
26117 6 1 Gossip 4101 Michael Stanley is having an affir.
26118 6 1 Gossip 4101 Kelly WHAT??
26119 6 1 Gossip 4102 Michael I am very happy right now. Thrilled perhaps, to be part of the office, to be part of the conversation. When you have somebody's attenton, and their eyes are lighting up because they are very interested in what you have to say, that is a great feeling, and I experienced that firsthand today. It is wonderful to be the center of attention.
26120 6 1 Gossip 4103 Michael That and that are the same letter.
26121 6 1 Gossip 4103 Kevin Q.
26122 6 1 Gossip 4103 Michael No... no. He's holding a pencil. He could be doing a crossword puzzle with that pencil. What's that letter, right there? Same letter here and here. What haven't you guessed?
26123 6 1 Gossip 4103 Kevin T.
26124 6 1 Gossip 4103 Michael T! Yes! Yes! That is a "T", and there's another one right there. Just sound that out. You're almost there.
26125 6 1 Gossip 4104 Michael Hey, Stanley! Where you goin', big guy? Up to no good?
26126 6 1 Gossip 4104 Stanley I'm meeting a client. Do you have a problem with that?
26127 6 1 Gossip 4104 Michael No, no, no, no. I just had a quick question for you. I'm casting a movie and I'm looking for a woman who can dance, beautiful woman. Do you know anybody?
26128 6 1 Gossip 4104 Stanley Goodbye.
26129 6 1 Gossip 4104 Michael Pays five million dollars. Nudity required.
26130 6 1 Gossip 4104 Jim You have to stop this.
26131 6 1 Gossip 4104 Michael Did you hear Stanley's having an affair?
26132 6 1 Gossip 4104 Jim I did. From you. You gotta stop telling people.
26133 6 1 Gossip 4104 Michael Oh, okay, I get it. You feel out of the loop, and you feel sorry for yourself, and it's really sad because everybody thinks you're a loser...
26134 6 1 Gossip 4104 Jim Do you know if it's true? Do you have any idea? Because you might be ruining his life.
26135 6 1 Gossip 4105 Michael Stop. Hold up, hold up, hold up! No, no, no. Time to stop being polite and get real. Stanley, are you having an affair?
26136 6 1 Gossip 4105 Stanley That is ridiculous. Of course not, why would you think that?
26137 6 1 Gossip 4105 Michael So It's not true. Okay, well... ahhh, those interns, they told me they saw you at a club, and they all said it was you, it was clearly just... racial profiling gossip.
26138 6 1 Gossip 4105 Stanley Damn! I told her it was a stupid idea to go up in that club.
26139 6 1 Gossip 4105 Michael So stupid!
26140 6 1 Gossip 4105 Stanley It's just that... Teri's been traveling a lot...
26141 6 1 Gossip 4105 Michael I know, I know.
26142 6 1 Gossip 4105 Stanley And it's been lonely.
26143 6 1 Gossip 4105 Michael Oh, I bet.
26144 6 1 Gossip 4105 Stanley Cynthia's been keeping me company. She was my nurse, when I was in rehabilitation. We used to go on these long walks on the treadmill... I didn't...
26145 6 1 Gossip 4105 Michael Wait, hold, hold, hold... so it IS true?
26146 6 1 Gossip 4105 Stanley Yeah, but Michael, I'm going to go break it off. That's where I'm headed right now. I swear.
26147 6 1 Gossip 4105 Michael Oh my God! Wait a second, do people often say they're going on sales calls and then go someplace else? 'Cause that's not cool.
26148 6 1 Gossip 4105 Stanley I just need you to promise not to say a word about this to anyone. Michael, please.
26149 6 1 Gossip 4105 Michael I'm not saying... a damn thing.
26150 6 1 Gossip 4105 Stanley I'm counting on you, Michael.
26151 6 1 Gossip 4105 Michael You can count on me.
26152 6 1 Gossip 4106 Michael Oh, that smells good.
26153 6 1 Gossip 4106 Kevin I might have extra, it just depends on how many I eat.
26154 6 1 Gossip 4106 Michael Did you hear about Angela? That's pretty weird.
26155 6 1 Gossip 4106 Kevin Yeah... what do you mean exactly?
26156 6 1 Gossip 4106 Michael Well, the fact that she is apparently dating an 81-year-old billionaire. Owns a Quizno's on the turnpike.
26157 6 1 Gossip 4106 Kevin Reeeeally.
26158 6 1 Gossip 4106 Michael Uh huh. Alright?
26159 6 1 Gossip 4107 Michael How do you un-tell something? You can't. You can't put words back in your mouth. What you can do is spread false gossip so that people think that everything that's been said is untrue, including "Stanley is having an affair." It's like the end of Spartacus. I've seen that movie half a dozen times, and I still don't know who the real Spartacus is, and that is what makes that movie a classic whodunit.
26160 6 1 Gossip 4108 Erin Kelly has an eating disorder?
26161 6 1 Gossip 4108 Michael Yeah.
26162 6 1 Gossip 4108 Erin She always eats my lunch.
26163 6 1 Gossip 4108 Michael Anorexia. She's an anorexatic.
26164 6 1 Gossip 4108 Erin We should do something.
26165 6 1 Gossip 4108 Michael Nothing can be done, we just have to tell everybody and hope for the best I guess.
26166 6 1 Gossip 4109 Michael I'm worried about Erin, because she's not a very good worker. I don't know how long she's gonna last here.
26167 6 1 Gossip 4109 Kelly Really?
26168 6 1 Gossip 4109 Michael Yeah. So... and Andy is gay.
26169 6 1 Gossip 4109 Kelly Andy Bernard??
26170 6 1 Gossip 4109 Michael Mm hmm.
26171 6 1 Gossip 4109 Michael Did you hear Pam is pregnant?
26172 6 1 Gossip 4109 Meredith Really?
26173 6 1 Gossip 4109 Michael Yeah!
26174 6 1 Gossip 4109 Meredith She's gonna hate being a mom.
26175 6 1 Gossip 4110 Andy What?
26176 6 1 Gossip 4110 Kevin Tea.
26177 6 1 Gossip 4110 Andy So?
26178 6 1 Gossip 4110 Kevin You would.
26179 6 1 Gossip 4110 Andy I like tea!
26180 6 1 Gossip 4110 Kevin Oh, I bet you like it.
26181 6 1 Gossip 4110 Andy Hahaha! I like it a lot! I love tea!
26182 6 1 Gossip 4110 Kevin Do you like it as much as you like mens' butts?
26183 6 1 Gossip 4110 Andy WHAT??
26184 6 1 Gossip 4110 Kevin Because you're gay.
26185 6 1 Gossip 4110 Andy Who told you that? Was it Broccoli Rob? Someone from Chi Psi? Or did you run into someone from my high school?
26186 6 1 Gossip 4110 Andy This is not the first time rumors about me being gay have come up. Twice before, actually. Just a weird coincidence... a little too weird. Almost makes you wonder if it's not a coincidence at all. Whoa! Which it is, of course. But it makes you wonder.
26187 6 1 Gossip 4111 Andy Did you hear the rumor about me? That I'm gay?
26188 6 1 Gossip 4111 Oscar I did. Yes.
26189 6 1 Gossip 4111 Andy And?
26190 6 1 Gossip 4111 Oscar What?
26191 6 1 Gossip 4111 Andy Do you think it's true? Do you think that I'm... gay?
26192 6 1 Gossip 4111 Oscar Are you attracted to other men?
26193 6 1 Gossip 4111 Andy No! But, let me kick you a scenario. I'm at a beach cabana, and Brad Pitt approaches. He tries to lean in and kiss me. I would definitely resist, like at first. But if he was persistent, I think I might give in a little bit, just to see what it... felt like.
26194 6 1 Gossip 4111 Andy Would I push him away? How hard? Like, what if he's like really aggressive?
26195 6 1 Gossip 4111 Oscar If you resisted Brad Pitt a little bit, he would still... need to get to you?
26196 6 1 Gossip 4111 Andy It's not real Brad Pitt, this is like, this is my fantasy. Or it's like, not a fantasy, it's just... it's just a scenario.
26197 6 1 Gossip 4111 Oscar Wow. I wish... I wish I could help you. I don't... you might be gay. You might be gay.
26198 6 1 Gossip 4111 Oscar What exactly is my responsibility here? To comfort insecure heterosexual men? That can't possibly fall to me.
26199 6 1 Gossip 4112 Phyllis How far along is Pam?
26200 6 1 Gossip 4112 Meredith A few months, that's why they're rushing the wedding.
26201 6 1 Gossip 4112 Michael Guys, guys... you can't believe everything you hear. Like Stanley, having an affair? That is crazy! It's just... there's no stalking it. It's a weird day for false facts. Let it go.
26202 6 1 Gossip 4112 Michael Okay everybody, big day. Last day for our interns, a lot of other stuff... who knows what to believe? Dwight, the honors.
26203 6 1 Gossip 4112 Dwight Present these to the dean for credit. And, as a gift, I've attached my card. Call me any time of the day or night.
26204 6 1 Gossip 4112 Eric Why would we call you at night?
26205 6 1 Gossip 4112 Dwight Well now you can't call me at all. Problem solved.
26206 6 1 Gossip 4112 Jim You're gonna regret that when you find yourself between a moose and her cubs.
26207 6 1 Gossip 4112 Dwight Look at the intern to your left. Now to your right. One of you will do exceedingly well in business, just unlimited potential. One of you will make a living, and nothing more. And one of you will make a great mother. It's up to you to choose which you want to be.
26208 6 1 Gossip 4113 Erin I am so happy you're eating again.
26209 6 1 Gossip 4113 Kelly Me too!
26210 6 1 Gossip 4113 Andy Tuna, how come you never try to set me up?
26211 6 1 Gossip 4113 Jim Oh, I don't really do that. But Pam might have some friends, though.
26212 6 1 Gossip 4113 Andy Women friends?
26213 6 1 Gossip 4113 Jim Yep.
26214 6 1 Gossip 4113 Andy Not guy friends?
26215 6 1 Gossip 4113 Jim Are you... interested in her guy friends?
26216 6 1 Gossip 4113 Andy No. I mean, for the record, I prefer women.
26217 6 1 Gossip 4113 Jim Okay.
26218 6 1 Gossip 4113 Andy But off the record, I'm kinda confused.
26219 6 1 Gossip 4113 Jim Really.
26220 6 1 Gossip 4113 Andy Yeah, the evidence is sort of stacked against me, I feel like...
26221 6 1 Gossip 4113 Jim Well you gotta figure this out.
26222 6 1 Gossip 4113 Andy Yeah, right?
26223 6 1 Gossip 4113 Jim Yeah!
26224 6 1 Gossip 4113 Andy How?
26225 6 1 Gossip 4113 Jim You gotta have s*x with a woman.
26226 6 1 Gossip 4113 Andy Right-o.
26227 6 1 Gossip 4113 Jim And a man.
26228 6 1 Gossip 4113 Andy Ohh...
26229 6 1 Gossip 4113 Jim And then compare.
26230 6 1 Gossip 4113 Andy Alright. Well hey...
26231 6 1 Gossip 4113 Jim Yep.
26232 6 1 Gossip 4113 Andy Congratulations to you.
26233 6 1 Gossip 4113 Jim On what?
26234 6 1 Gossip 4113 Andy Come on... little baby Tuna. Little junior toro.
26235 6 1 Gossip 4113 Angela Did you know a baby conceived out of wedlock is still a b*st*rd?
26236 6 1 Gossip 4113 Pam What?
26237 6 1 Gossip 4113 Angela Want me to say it again?
26238 6 1 Gossip 4113 Pam Why did that come into your brain?
26239 6 1 Gossip 4113 Jim Can I talk to you for a second?
26240 6 1 Gossip 4113 Jim So, they know.
26241 6 1 Gossip 4113 Pam Who did you tell?
26242 6 1 Gossip 4113 Jim I didn't tell anyone! Who did you tell?
26243 6 1 Gossip 4113 Pam Nobody!
26244 6 1 Gossip 4113 Creed Hey, did one of you tell Stanley I have asthma? Because I don't, and if it gets out, they won't let me scuba.
26245 6 1 Gossip 4114 Creed If I can't scuba, then what's this all been about? What am I working toward?
26246 6 1 Gossip 4115 Oscar What? You think I'm the voice of the Taco Bell dog?
26247 6 1 Gossip 4115 Toby What are you guys talking about? I have a daughter. How can I be a virgin?
26248 6 1 Gossip 4115 Jim Hey, has everyone heard a crazy rumor about themselves today?
26249 6 1 Gossip 4115 Everyone Yes.
26250 6 1 Gossip 4115 Michael Yeah, yeah... you know what? Let's discredit these rumors.
26251 6 1 Gossip 4115 Jim Yeah, sure, but... who's been saying all that stuff?
26252 6 1 Gossip 4115 Michael That's not important, Jim, I just think we shouldn't listen to any of that crap.
26253 6 1 Gossip 4115 Pam Sure, but we should get to the bottom of this. Let's pick a rumor and trace it back to the beginning.
26254 6 1 Gossip 4115 Kevin I need to do mine first. Who's been saying that there's another person inside of me, working me with controls?
26255 6 1 Gossip 4115 Creed I heard that from... Andy.
26256 6 1 Gossip 4115 Andy I heard it from Erin.
26257 6 1 Gossip 4115 Erin I heard it from Michael.
26258 6 1 Gossip 4116 Pam Michael? He's over here!
26259 6 1 Gossip 4116 Pam Where are you going?
26260 6 1 Gossip 4116 Michael Nowhere.
26261 6 1 Gossip 4116 Dwight Michael... You told people I use store-bought manure, when I showed you where my manure comes from. Hmm? Hmm?
26262 6 1 Gossip 4116 Pam Don't get on it.
26263 6 1 Gossip 4116 Jim Michael, don't.
26264 6 1 Gossip 4116 Pam Don't... get... on. Do not.
26265 6 1 Gossip 4116 Jim Michael...
26266 6 1 Gossip 4116 Kevin Stay.
26267 6 1 Gossip 4116 Pam Step away.
26268 6 1 Gossip 4116 Creed Come on, boss.
26269 6 1 Gossip 4117 Michael Okay, I made it all up.
26270 6 1 Gossip 4117 Andy Even the fact that I'm gay?
26271 6 1 Gossip 4117 Michael Yes.
26272 6 1 Gossip 4117 Andy Yes!
26273 6 1 Gossip 4117 Michael But guys, I'm a victim here too, okay? People here have been saying that I'm a J. Crew model.
26274 6 1 Gossip 4117 Angela No. We heard that about Jim.
26275 6 1 Gossip 4117 Michael Jim? No, no. I spread the rumor that somebody here was a J. Crew model, and I was referring to myself.
26276 6 1 Gossip 4117 Angela How is that a bad rumor?
26277 6 1 Gossip 4117 Michael Because a lot of people think that models, even though they're very attractive, are somewhat vapid. It's set our industry back quite a bit.
26278 6 1 Gossip 4117 Oscar Michael, why? Why say all these things? Why make up an eating disorder, Stanley's affair, me being a spokesdog...
26279 6 1 Gossip 4117 Stanley You told everyone I was having an affair?
26280 6 1 Gossip 4117 Michael Okay, okay... here's the thing. There was one true rumor out there today. I didn't want everybody to know what it was. So all of you are off the hook, except for this one person.
26281 6 1 Gossip 4117 Kelly Well then, what's the one true rumor?
26282 6 1 Gossip 4117 Phyllis We have a right to know.
26283 6 1 Gossip 4117 Andy Michael... am I gay?
26284 6 1 Gossip 4117 Michael The one true rumor, and this is going to ruin this person's life, is that...
26285 6 1 Gossip 4117 Jim That Pam's pregnant.
26286 6 1 Gossip 4117 Angela I knew it!
26287 6 1 Gossip 4117 Kevin I knew it! Her breasts were a tiny bit bigger. At first I thought "Oh, she has a new bra with padding." But then I thought "Pam doesn't need padding." It just didn't add up, Jim.
26288 6 1 Gossip 4117 Jim Okay. Thank you.
26289 6 1 Gossip 4117 Phyllis Congratulations!
26290 6 1 Gossip 4117 Erin That's really great, you guys.
26291 6 1 Gossip 4117 Ryan Don't vaccinate it.
26292 6 1 Gossip 4117 Dwight Who's the father?
26293 6 1 Gossip 4117 Pam Jim.
26294 6 1 Gossip 4117 Creed How far along?
26295 6 1 Gossip 4117 Jim Four months.
26296 6 1 Gossip 4117 Creed Who's the OB/GYN?
26297 6 1 Gossip 4117 Pam Stop. Don't. Just...
26298 6 1 Gossip 4117 Michael Alright, alright... you know, this is not the truth, and you can't fall on the sword this way. The real thing is that Stanley Hudson had an affair.
26299 6 1 Gossip 4117 Jim Nope.
26300 6 1 Gossip 4117 Michael Yes. Jim...
26301 6 1 Gossip 4117 Jim Thank you for trying to defend her. But actually, Pam is pregnant, and we can prove it.
26302 6 1 Gossip 4117 Pam Yes.
26303 6 1 Gossip 4117 Jim If everyone would like to see proof.
26304 6 1 Gossip 4117 Pam Okay.
26305 6 1 Gossip 4117 Kelly Are we just gonna wait here?
26306 6 1 Gossip 4117 Kelly It's true!
26307 6 1 Gossip 4117 Michael Look at that! That is the inside of your v*g1n*!
26308 6 1 Gossip 4118 Pam It's clear why we were trying not to tell people. That's clear now.
26309 6 1 Gossip 4119 Michael How long have you known about the pregnancy?
26310 6 1 Gossip 4119 Michael A week? A month? A year?
26311 6 1 Gossip 4119 Jim Michael, we only told our parents last week.
26312 6 1 Gossip 4119 Michael Did you pee on a stick?
26313 6 1 Gossip 4119 Jim I did. It was inconclusive.
26314 6 1 Gossip 4119 Michael You should've told me.
26315 6 1 Gossip 4119 Pam You're right. We should've realized that you are an equal part of this.
26316 6 1 Gossip 4119 Erin Michael, Teri Hudson returning your call.
26317 6 1 Gossip 4119 Pam You called Stanley's wife?
26318 6 1 Gossip 4119 Michael Oh, oh... yeah, a long time ago, just to make sure she was out of town. Oh... oh God.
26319 6 1 Gossip 4119 Jim Don't take it.
26320 6 1 Gossip 4119 Michael No, I have to take it, or it'll seem suspicious.
26321 6 1 Gossip 4119 Pam If you talk to her, you're gonna tell her about Stanley, and that's gonna seem more suspicious.
26322 6 1 Gossip 4119 Michael No, no, I can do this.
26323 6 1 Gossip 4119 Jim You can't do this.
26324 6 1 Gossip 4119 Michael Yes, I can. I am going to tell her that I need to redecorate my condo, and I need her help. We will haggle about money, and then I will back down, and then I won't talk to her until this whole Cynthia thing has blown over.
26325 6 1 Gossip 4119 Jim That sounds terrible.
26326 6 1 Gossip 4119 Pam Michael, please don't.
26327 6 1 Gossip 4119 Michael Hey, what up, Cynthia?
26328 6 1 Gossip 4119 Michael Hold on a second, Cynthia.
26329 6 1 Gossip 4120 Michael Well, it turns out that Teri was already suspicious, because she had caught Stanley and Cynthia a few months ago. So Stanley promised that he would stop, and he did, end of story. Well, not exactly. Uhh, Cynthia kept calling him, she would not stop calling him, and she was in love with him. Oh, and get this. Cynthia, also married. So... you can't stop love, I guess and quite frankly, I don't think you should ever try.
26330 6 1 Gossip 4121 Maurie I learned that a company can describe their internship as "full of exciting experiences," even if that's a lie. There's no regulation.
26331 6 1 Gossip 4121 Megan I learned that half these people's email password is "password."
26332 6 1 Gossip 4121 Eric I learned that a ream of paper is 300 sheets.
26333 6 1 Gossip 4121 Megan I thought it was 500.
26334 6 1 Gossip 4121 Eric Oh... I guess I didn't learn anything.
26335 6 1 Gossip 4121 Maurie I learned that if you look even the tiniest bit like Jet Li, Michael will call you "Jet Li" all summer.
26336 6 1 Gossip 4121 Megan Julia Stiles.
26337 6 1 Gossip 4121 Eric Alan Thicke.
26338 6 2 The Meeting 4122 Michael Yeah?
26339 6 2 The Meeting 4122 Oscar You wanted to see me?
26340 6 2 The Meeting 4122 Michael Yes, Oscar come on in. Close the door if you would. Thank you, thanks so much for talking to me.
26341 6 2 The Meeting 4122 Oscar Yeah sure.
26342 6 2 The Meeting 4122 Michael I'm going in for a procedure today.
26343 6 2 The Meeting 4122 Oscar Is everything okay?
26344 6 2 The Meeting 4122 Michael Yeah, it's routine. I'm just a little bit scared.
26345 6 2 The Meeting 4122 Oscar I'm sure everything will be fine. What do you? What's the procedure, if you don't mind my asking?
26346 6 2 The Meeting 4122 Michael It is a colonoscopy.
26347 6 2 The Meeting 4122 Oscar Okay.
26348 6 2 The Meeting 4122 Michael In your experience, what should I be expecting in terms of sensation or emotions? Is there anything I can do to make it more pleasurable for me or for Dr. Shaundry?
26349 6 2 The Meeting 4122 Oscar Oh my God.
26350 6 2 The Meeting 4122 Michael My main concern, should I have a safe word?
26351 6 2 The Meeting 4122 Oscar Yeah.
26352 6 2 The Meeting 4123 David Wallace So Michael, do you think you can give me a run down on the Buffalo clients by Monday?
26353 6 2 The Meeting 4123 Michael Abso... you know what? I'll do you one better, Sunday, Sunday night.
26354 6 2 The Meeting 4123 David Okay, I will look at it Monday.
26355 6 2 The Meeting 4123 Michael Ho, Hol, hold on big guy, I'm gonna put it in the mail Sunday night and you'll get it Weds.
26356 6 2 The Meeting 4123 David Okay, Jim you wanna hit the conference room?
26357 6 2 The Meeting 4123 Jim Sure.
26358 6 2 The Meeting 4123 Pam Hey, Good luck.
26359 6 2 The Meeting 4123 Michael Oh right, this thing. I remember now. What's this about?
26360 6 2 The Meeting 4123 Jim Ah, this is just me and David, if that's okay.
26361 6 2 The Meeting 4123 Michael It's okay with me but he's gonna want me in there.
26362 6 2 The Meeting 4123 David No, ah it's okay Michael. We got it.
26363 6 2 The Meeting 4123 Michael Really?
26364 6 2 The Meeting 4123 David Yeah.
26365 6 2 The Meeting 4123 Michael Alright, do you mind if it sit this out? I have so much work to do, I feel like I'm gonna blow my brains out.
26366 6 2 The Meeting 4123 David Okay.
26367 6 2 The Meeting 4124 Michael Am I worried that Jim and David are having a meeting without me? No, because we are the Three Amigos. And once in awhile one of the Amigos will go off... to the bathroom... while the other two have a secret meeting.
26368 6 2 The Meeting 4125 Michael Hey let me escort you to your desk.
26369 6 2 The Meeting 4125 Pam Okay, it's just three or four steps but thank you, thank you.
26370 6 2 The Meeting 4125 Michael You and Jim are close, huh?
26371 6 2 The Meeting 4125 Pam Yeah, I think the pregnancy really brought us together.
26372 6 2 The Meeting 4125 Michael Hey, what do you think he and David are talking about? What do you...
26373 6 2 The Meeting 4125 Pam Ummm, I don't know.
26374 6 2 The Meeting 4125 Michael Well, you said good luck to Jim as he walked in.
26375 6 2 The Meeting 4125 Pam Did I? Doesn't sound like me, not very superstitious.
26376 6 2 The Meeting 4125 Michael If you are lying to me right now Pam, your baby is gonna come out a liar. That's how it works. They inherit things through the breast milk.
26377 6 2 The Meeting 4125 Pam Please don't talk about my breast milk.
26378 6 2 The Meeting 4125 Michael I just don't want you to lie to me. I don't want you to ever lie to me. Have I ever lied to you?
26379 6 2 The Meeting 4125 Pam Yeah.
26380 6 2 The Meeting 4125 Michael I just don't want you to.
26381 6 2 The Meeting 4126 Darryl I was rushing to fill an order. I put the ladder up to grab a box of three hole from the top shelf. Next thing I know, I'm on the ground and the ladder's on top of me.
26382 6 2 The Meeting 4126 Toby And that's how you broke your ankle?
26383 6 2 The Meeting 4126 Darryl Yes.
26384 6 2 The Meeting 4126 Dwight Hmmm, interesting. How did the ladder end up on top of you, if you fell off of it?
26385 6 2 The Meeting 4126 Darryl This doesn't concern you man, you need to walk away.
26386 6 2 The Meeting 4126 Dwight Oh really, I'm sorry I thought this was a free country. I didn't know we were in communist Sweden.
26387 6 2 The Meeting 4126 Darryl If we were living in Sweden, I wouldn't have to worry about this 'cause we'd have universal healthcare.
26388 6 2 The Meeting 4126 Dwight Nnnnn, that's not... okay.
26389 6 2 The Meeting 4126 Darryl Be quiet.
26390 6 2 The Meeting 4126 Dwight I'm talking about... hmmm.
26391 6 2 The Meeting 4126 Toby I will send this off to corporate. Make sure you hold on to your medical bills. Feel better.
26392 6 2 The Meeting 4126 Darryl Thanks T-Man, later.
26393 6 2 The Meeting 4126 Dwight So long Darryl, feel better... He's lying.
26394 6 2 The Meeting 4126 Toby He has a doctor's note.
26395 6 2 The Meeting 4126 Dwight Oh? From who, Dr. J? Look, you really need to investigate this. People don't just fall off of ladders.
26396 6 2 The Meeting 4126 Toby A guy on my street fell off a ladder painting his house. It was on the news.
26397 6 2 The Meeting 4126 Dwight Since when have you known Darryl to rush to do anything other than to come up here for birthday cake? Y'all having birthday cake?
26398 6 2 The Meeting 4126 Toby That's not a very good Darryl.
26399 6 2 The Meeting 4126 Dwight Please... and how many foremen do you know that pull boxes?
26400 6 2 The Meeting 4126 Toby Hmmm.
26401 6 2 The Meeting 4126 Dwight It just doesn't add up.
26402 6 2 The Meeting 4127 Toby Well, we did a little investigation and Dwight had a good point. The ladder didn't reach the top shelf. I don't know if I believe it, but I am a fan of the hardboiled detective novel. I'll punch you in da mush, see.
26403 6 2 The Meeting 4128 Michael Uh huh, well if he doesn't like it you can tell that SOB that he is fired. Sorry, I'm going into a meeting right now. I will... I love you too. Bye.
26404 6 2 The Meeting 4128 Jim Who was that?
26405 6 2 The Meeting 4128 Michael Sorry about that. What'd I miss?
26406 6 2 The Meeting 4128 David Michael, we would like to continue the rest of this meeting in private, please, if you don't mind.
26407 6 2 The Meeting 4128 Michael Do not mind! Yes, I do! No, I don't. Yes, I do! No, I don't mind. Catch you guys on the flippity flop. Oh this... call waiting. Yeah, uh huh, well you tell the Mayor he just lost six votes.
26408 6 2 The Meeting 4129 Creed They've been in there a while.
26409 6 2 The Meeting 4129 Michael Yeah.
26410 6 2 The Meeting 4129 Creed Can't be good.
26411 6 2 The Meeting 4129 Michael Nope.
26412 6 2 The Meeting 4129 Creed Think they're talking about me?
26413 6 2 The Meeting 4129 Michael No, I think they're talking about me.
26414 6 2 The Meeting 4129 Creed Yeah, that makes way more sense. Okay thanks boss.
26415 6 2 The Meeting 4130 Michael What is Jim telling him? That I can't handle this job? That 's bull crap. That is bull crap. Although, it has been chaotic lately. Corporate shut down the Buffalo branch which left us to absorb all of their clients. I will tell you there has been work everyday. Had to come in on a Saturday. To retrieve... I left my cell phone here.
26416 6 2 The Meeting 4131 Pam Hey Kelly.
26417 6 2 The Meeting 4131 Kelly Ugh, so jealous of your boobs.
26418 6 2 The Meeting 4131 Pam Thank you. Um, listen I just wanted to confirm that you're not coming to the wedding, which is totally understandable and more than fine.
26419 6 2 The Meeting 4131 Kelly Is Ryan going?
26420 6 2 The Meeting 4131 Pam I don't know, he hasn't RSVP'd yet.
26421 6 2 The Meeting 4132 Pam We invited everyone in the office to our wedding. Even though we realized most people wouldn't be able to make the drive to Niagara Falls. Which is why we're having it in Niagara Falls. Then Michael told everyone they could have Friday and Monday off, if they came. So now, people have to decide if they want to come to our wedding or have to work.
26422 6 2 The Meeting 4133 Kelly Here's the deal. I really want to go but I'm not gonna go if Ryan doesn't go, because it's kind of a waste of time. That came out wrong. It would awesome if you could try to get him to go because I'd really like to be there to support Jim.
26423 6 2 The Meeting 4134 Andy What can I do for ya Hoss?
26424 6 2 The Meeting 4134 Michael How are your sales doin'?
26425 6 2 The Meeting 4134 Andy How are my sales doin'? Busted. My numbers are down a little bit and it's 'cause of the economy. You're not buying it, you're good. Okay the truth is, I have been having trouble focusing lately. I'm in this weird, flirty, nebulous thing with this cousin of mine and it's a total mind effer.
26426 6 2 The Meeting 4134 Phyllis Again with the cousin.
26427 6 2 The Meeting 4134 Andy Oh, I'm sorry Phyllis, you explain this email, okay. "Hey Andy let's go visit grandma and then get drunk together, ha ha."
26428 6 2 The Meeting 4134 Michael Shhh, I'm just trying to figure out what's going on in that room, okay?
26429 6 2 The Meeting 4135 Michael Wallace had to show up on the one four month period that I'm completely overwhelmed.
26430 6 2 The Meeting 4136 Michael You know when they say it's so crazy it just might work? Well, I don't believe that. I say go for the air-tight plan and that is why I am having Andy wheel me into the conference room inside a makeshift cheese cart. It is just elegant.
26431 6 2 The Meeting 4137 Michael Be my eyes.
26432 6 2 The Meeting 4137 Andy You got it.
26433 6 2 The Meeting 4137 Stanley What have we here?
26434 6 2 The Meeting 4137 Andy Oh, just backing up and turning around.
26435 6 2 The Meeting 4137 Kevin Hey, we're gonna do this...
26436 6 2 The Meeting 4137 Andy Dit, dit, dit, dit, it's not for you. Pardon moi, Messieurs. I took the liberty of preparing for you a cheese platter which I will place here on the eastern wall of the conference room.
26437 6 2 The Meeting 4137 David Cheese platter?
26438 6 2 The Meeting 4137 Andy Oui, Oui, Monsieur. From the Wisconsin region, a nice firm cheddar. Also from the great state of Wisconsin, an aged parmesan. Here you will find a cheddar style spread which has reacted nicely with the air to form a light rind which I think you'll find both challenging and delicious. At that point, I would recommend you take a trip south of the border to the great state of Illinois where you will find this fine Bleu Cheese dressing. If I may be so bold, it's a lot of fun to let the goldfish take a little swim in the bleu cheese. Bon appetit.
26439 6 2 The Meeting 4137 David Alright, well I should go. Thanks for this. You've given me a lot to think about. Please promise me you won't do anything until we speak.
26440 6 2 The Meeting 4137 Jim No, I won't. Alright, thanks for giving me your time, I appreciate it.
26441 6 2 The Meeting 4137 David Thank you Jim.
26442 6 2 The Meeting 4138 David Erin, is Michael around?
26443 6 2 The Meeting 4138 Erin I think he's around here...
26444 6 2 The Meeting 4138 Michael Hey, hey, you must have walked right past me. How you doin'?
26445 6 2 The Meeting 4138 David Ah, yeah, could we talk in your office for a second?
26446 6 2 The Meeting 4138 Michael Yes, definitely.
26447 6 2 The Meeting 4139 Toby Sounds like a EMDP-40.
26448 6 2 The Meeting 4139 Dwight Nah, that's a GE. A P40 is much higher pitched.
26449 6 2 The Meeting 4139 Toby You're into trains?
26450 6 2 The Meeting 4139 Dwight I have been my whole life.
26451 6 2 The Meeting 4139 Toby Wow.
26452 6 2 The Meeting 4139 Dwight I'm rebuilding a turn of the century steam engine in my slaughter house.
26453 6 2 The Meeting 4139 Toby That's so cool.
26454 6 2 The Meeting 4139 Dwight Yeah.
26455 6 2 The Meeting 4139 Toby Wow, I'd love to take a look at that.
26456 6 2 The Meeting 4139 Dwight Yeah, it's just a run of the mill slaughter house, but sure anytime.
26457 6 2 The Meeting 4139 Toby Well, you know, 'cause of the trains.
26458 6 2 The Meeting 4139 Dwight Wa... wa... wait , someone's coming.
26459 6 2 The Meeting 4139 Toby Uhh, oh boy, oh boy.
26460 6 2 The Meeting 4139 Dwight Here, get down! He's not using crutches! Get the camera!
26461 6 2 The Meeting 4139 Toby Get over there! Get over there!
26462 6 2 The Meeting 4139 Dwight Oh, worker's comp, my ass!
26463 6 2 The Meeting 4139 Toby I can't believe this. Hey you, ass****!
26464 6 2 The Meeting 4139 Dwight Toby...
26465 6 2 The Meeting 4139 Toby You gonna eat all that dog food yourself?
26466 6 2 The Meeting 4139 Dwight Ooohhh... Oh man! You okay?
26467 6 2 The Meeting 4139 Toby Just keep going.
26468 6 2 The Meeting 4140 Pam Hey Ryan.
26469 6 2 The Meeting 4140 Ryan Hey.
26470 6 2 The Meeting 4140 Pam So, I just wanted to confirm that you're not coming to my wedding.
26471 6 2 The Meeting 4140 Ryan Yeah, I might stop by.
26472 6 2 The Meeting 4140 Pam It costs about $75 per person.
26473 6 2 The Meeting 4140 Ryan Okay, I once had a glass of Cognac that cost $77.
26474 6 2 The Meeting 4140 Pam Can you just tell me now if you're coming or not?
26475 6 2 The Meeting 4140 Ryan Yes, I'm coming to your wedding.
26476 6 2 The Meeting 4140 Pam Okay, Ryan Howard, yes.
26477 6 2 The Meeting 4140 Ryan Probably, yes.
26478 6 2 The Meeting 4140 Pam Kelly Kapoor, yes.
26479 6 2 The Meeting 4141 David Are you sure you're okay with these new responsibilites?
26480 6 2 The Meeting 4141 Michael Look who you're talking to.
26481 6 2 The Meeting 4141 David I'm just trying to figure out the best way to utilize everyone's talents.
26482 6 2 The Meeting 4141 Michael Well I would say that my greatest talent is being the best man, woman, or child, to have ever run this branch, ever.
26483 6 2 The Meeting 4141 David What about Jim? Do you think Jim is someone who is ready to move into a management position?
26484 6 2 The Meeting 4141 Michael Permission to speak on the record?
26485 6 2 The Meeting 4141 David Please do.
26486 6 2 The Meeting 4141 Michael Jim is like Big Bird. He is tall and yellow and very nice. But would I put him in charge? No, I don't think so. Because Big Bird doesn't make the tough decisions. I... If I was gonna put someone in charge, I would put Burt in charge or I would put one of the real grown-ups in charge, like Maria or Gordon, maybe.
26487 6 2 The Meeting 4141 David I thought you liked Jim?
26488 6 2 The Meeting 4141 Michael Very much, Jim is my best friend. But it's his performance report... right here. Now this was written by Toby, who we all know is extremely reliable.
26489 6 2 The Meeting 4141 David "Constant office distractions, spends way too much time at reception, antagonizes other salesman, not at all what he thinks he is."
26490 6 2 The Meeting 4141 Michael It's not very well written, but you get the gist.
26491 6 2 The Meeting 4141 David Is there anybody else you think could run the day to day of the branch?
26492 6 2 The Meeting 4141 Michael I can just continue to run it myself.
26493 6 2 The Meeting 4141 David Jim had an interesting idea to help you with this extra work load and it involved you being promoted to oversee all northeast sales and then Jim would be promoted to your position.
26494 6 2 The Meeting 4141 Michael This was Jim's idea?
26495 6 2 The Meeting 4141 David Mmhmm.
26496 6 2 The Meeting 4141 Michael Wow. Ummm, well I'd have to talk to my mother and my guy at H and R Block.
26497 6 2 The Meeting 4141 David Ummm... okay, here's the thing though. The plan doesn't work unless we have someone to replace you. I was hoping... plus we have to worry about Jim, he has another job offer. We may have to replace him.
26498 6 2 The Meeting 4142 Jim I didn't tell Michael because I thought he'd try to help. Example, he handed out Jello shots at the 23rd mile of the Steamtown marathon.
26499 6 2 The Meeting 4143 David Jim can you walk me out to my car for a second.
26500 6 2 The Meeting 4143 Jim Sure.
26501 6 2 The Meeting 4144 Michael I can't help but feel partially responsible.
26502 6 2 The Meeting 4145 Michael Little pick me up? Oh those are the best. Little sugar rush.
26503 6 2 The Meeting 4145 Jim When you were in the office earlier talking to Wallace, did I come up at all?
26504 6 2 The Meeting 4145 Michael Well we did talk about how handsome you are.
26505 6 2 The Meeting 4145 Jim Why don't we head in your office to talk?
26506 6 2 The Meeting 4145 Michael Oh what a week, God. We said... I know there were certain things we said...
26507 6 2 The Meeting 4145 Jim Michael, look I'll just be honest with you. Earlier today I spoke with Wallace about a promotion. I actually think that talk went really well. And then after he spoke with you, for some reason it felt like things had changed.
26508 6 2 The Meeting 4145 Michael Hmmm, that's weird, that's weird... it's kinda weirding me out. Did you know that Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
26509 6 2 The Meeting 4145 Jim Michael, did you say anything?
26510 6 2 The Meeting 4145 Michael Tell you what, when you leave this office I am going to call Wallace and I am going to tell him that you should get that promotion.
26511 6 2 The Meeting 4145 Jim Really?
26512 6 2 The Meeting 4145 Michael Yes!
26513 6 2 The Meeting 4145 Jim You will? Wanna do it right now?
26514 6 2 The Meeting 4145 Michael Yes.
26515 6 2 The Meeting 4146 Jim I tried to keep Michael in the dark. I should have known that he can do just as much damage in the dark.
26516 6 2 The Meeting 4147 Dwight I need to see your pupils. I need to see if they're dilated.
26517 6 2 The Meeting 4147 Toby If they were dilated...
26518 6 2 The Meeting 4147 Darryl Toby! Dwight! Is that them?
26519 6 2 The Meeting 4147 Gwenneth Definitely.
26520 6 2 The Meeting 4147 Darryl You come to my house, bust up my trash cans, call my baby sister an ass****, and told her to eat dog food.
26521 6 2 The Meeting 4147 Dwight We thought that she was you.
26522 6 2 The Meeting 4147 Darryl Why would you think a lady is me?
26523 6 2 The Meeting 4147 Dwight Are you... are you serious? Be... cause you look exactly alike. Am I the only one? Are you getting this?
26524 6 2 The Meeting 4147 Toby No, nah. I don't see it.
26525 6 2 The Meeting 4147 Darryl Here's what I'm gonna do, I'm calling corporate and I'm filing a complaint against both of you.
26526 6 2 The Meeting 4147 Dwight Aww, Darryl.
26527 6 2 The Meeting 4147 Darryl C'mon Gwenneth.
26528 6 2 The Meeting 4147 Gwenneth Sad.
26529 6 2 The Meeting 4148 David This is David.
26530 6 2 The Meeting 4148 Michael Hey David, this is Michael Scott. Michael Scott here.
26531 6 2 The Meeting 4148 David Yep.
26532 6 2 The Meeting 4148 Michael Just wanted to talk to you about Jim Halpert. I understand that he did not receive the promotion. And I wanted to see what I could do to nudge you in the right direction.
26533 6 2 The Meeting 4148 David So, what, you're changing your mind about Jim?
26534 6 2 The Meeting 4148 Michael Absolutely, not. Like I said before, Jim is fantastic and he deserves this job.
26535 6 2 The Meeting 4148 David Michael, it seems like you're cutting in and out... This is not what you said earlier.
26536 6 2 The Meeting 4148 Michael Wha... here's the thing, Jim is the best man for this job, I think you should give it to him.
26537 6 2 The Meeting 4148 David Well, it doesn't change what you showed me in Jim's file.
26538 6 2 The Meeting 4148 Michael Well, nnnn, that... that was an anomaly. That file had been falsified. Toby Flenderson is doing drugs.
26539 6 2 The Meeting 4148 David Michael, I really don't know what's going on down there, but... oh, dammit, I am getting pulled over for talking on my cell, dammit.
26540 6 2 The Meeting 4149 Toby Hey Darryl, look ahhh, we're here to apologize ahh...
26541 6 2 The Meeting 4149 Darryl Cool.
26542 6 2 The Meeting 4149 Dwight Wait! They're using the lift as their own personal elevator.
26543 6 2 The Meeting 4149 Toby What?
26544 6 2 The Meeting 4149 Dwight He broke his ankle climbing over the railing and he lied about it because it was a misuse of company equipment, case closed.
26545 6 2 The Meeting 4149 Darryl Stupidest thing I've ever heard.
26546 6 2 The Meeting 4149 Dwight Really? Then why is there new wood only on one railing? Hmmm? We should check the security tapes Toby.
26547 6 2 The Meeting 4149 Toby Well, I don't think there's any reason to check 'em but I suppose if we wanted to be really certain...
26548 6 2 The Meeting 4149 Darryl Alright, yeah fine so whatever...
26549 6 2 The Meeting 4149 Dwight Yes!
26550 6 2 The Meeting 4149 Toby You really did it...
26551 6 2 The Meeting 4149 Dwight Now, I would like to file an official complaint to corporate because Darryl lied on an official form.
26552 6 2 The Meeting 4149 Darryl And I'm telling them you guys sexually harassed my sister.
26553 6 2 The Meeting 4149 Dwight Phhhht. No judge is gonna believe that...
26554 6 2 The Meeting 4149 Toby Ahhh, kay. Look, we could all file complaints against each other and just drown in a sea of paperwork, but you know, we can just move on with our... with our lives.
26555 6 2 The Meeting 4150 Toby So Dwight and Darryl came to an agreement that both would file complaints with corporate and now I get to do all this paperwork. We worked it out.
26556 6 2 The Meeting 4151 Michael Hey, hey Jim, it would make me feel really good right now if you would just punch me in the face. Alright, Just do it.
26557 6 2 The Meeting 4151 Jim How many times have I asked you to put me up for a branch manager job.
26558 6 2 The Meeting 4151 Michael I never recommended you because I didn't want to lose you and I didn't want to lose Pam, and now I don't wanna lose the baby.
26559 6 2 The Meeting 4151 Jim So instead, you screwed me?
26560 6 2 The Meeting 4151 Michael That's what she...
26561 6 2 The Meeting 4151 Jim No.
26562 6 2 The Meeting 4151 Erin David Wallace is calling.
26563 6 2 The Meeting 4151 Michael Kind of in the middle of something here.
26564 6 2 The Meeting 4151 Erin Should I tell him you'll call him back?
26565 6 2 The Meeting 4151 Michael I, yeah... no, I'll tell him myself. Let's both.
26566 6 2 The Meeting 4152 Michael Hello.
26567 6 2 The Meeting 4152 David Hey Michael, you got Jim there with you?
26568 6 2 The Meeting 4152 Michael No, it's just us.
26569 6 2 The Meeting 4152 David Actually, can you call Jim in? I want him on, please.
26570 6 2 The Meeting 4152 Michael Oh, oh, well here he is right now. Come in.
26571 6 2 The Meeting 4152 Jim Hi David.
26572 6 2 The Meeting 4152 David Hey guys, so I spoke to Alan, we had kind of an unconventional idea, which I think is pretty cool. But it only works if everyone's on board.
26573 6 2 The Meeting 4152 Michael Well just as long as it means Jim becomes a manager.
26574 6 2 The Meeting 4152 David We were thinking of having two branch managers in Scranton. Both of you guys working as co-managers. Jim would handle the day to day and Michael you would focus on clients and big picture stuff.
26575 6 2 The Meeting 4152 Jim Wow, that sounds pretty cool.
26576 6 2 The Meeting 4152 Michael I like that, so manager and co-manager.
26577 6 2 The Meeting 4152 David Co-manager and Co-manager. See, there are a lot of moving pieces and this is the only way I can sell it upstairs.
26578 6 2 The Meeting 4152 Michael Well that might be a little confusing for people because they know me as manager.
26579 6 2 The Meeting 4152 David Alright, hey Michael can you pick up for one second. Okay look, I'm not going to force you into anything. If you're willing to lose Jim, fine, you just say so and we'll find another solution, okay. Is that what you want to do?
26580 6 2 The Meeting 4153 Dwight Okay people, listen up, I have an announcement to make, fraud was committed...
26581 6 2 The Meeting 4153 Michael Okay everybody, I have an announcement to make... whoa do you have an announcement?
26582 6 2 The Meeting 4153 Dwight I'm... I was making it.
26583 6 2 The Meeting 4153 Michael Everybody, David Wallace and I have talked and we have decided to promote Jim to the position of co-manager.
26584 6 2 The Meeting 4153 Stanley Co-manager of what?
26585 6 2 The Meeting 4153 Michael Of your butt, and your butt, and your butt, all of the Scranton branch butts.
26586 6 2 The Meeting 4153 Phyllis What's happening to you Michael?
26587 6 2 The Meeting 4153 Michael What's happening to me? I am also being promoted to co-manager, we will be co-managers together. Jim Halpert, welcome.
26588 6 2 The Meeting 4153 Jim Thank you.
26589 6 2 The Meeting 4154 Dwight AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
26590 6 2 The Meeting 4155 Meredith Niagara Falls in October? Pfft, hells yeah.
26591 6 2 The Meeting 4155 Pam Do you think that you could send in your RSVP card?
26592 6 2 The Meeting 4155 Meredith Nah, I'll just tell you now, easier.
26593 6 2 The Meeting 4155 Pam Well, you have to choose a food option and there's information in there about directions and lodging...
26594 6 2 The Meeting 4155 Meredith I'll just have whatever's fanciest, unless there's ribs. I'll just get the other information the day of, I'll text you.
26595 6 2 The Meeting 4155 Pam You are going to text me, the morning of my wedding.
26596 6 2 The Meeting 4155 Meredith Uh huh.
26597 6 2 The Meeting 4155 Pam To ask for directions..
26598 6 2 The Meeting 4155 Meredith Right...
26599 6 2 The Meeting 4155 Pam And you will eat whatever is fanciest?
26600 6 2 The Meeting 4155 Meredith Unless there's ribs.
26601 6 2 The Meeting 4155 Angela Rude.
26602 6 2 The Meeting 4155 Pam So rude, right?
26603 6 2 The Meeting 4155 Angela Mmm hmmm.
26604 6 2 The Meeting 4155 Pam Oh my gosh, I have been chasing people down all day. It's incredible.
26605 6 2 The Meeting 4155 Angela Pam, my bag was there...
26606 6 3 The Promotion 4156 Dwight Could you please sign my expense report?
26607 6 3 The Promotion 4156 Michael No way, no how. Expense reports are a day-to-day item. That is Jim's now. I am exclusively big picture, epic.
26608 6 3 The Promotion 4157 Dwight Sign this.
26609 6 3 The Promotion 4157 Jim Ah, ah, ah. Where's the "please"? We're not animals.
26610 6 3 The Promotion 4157 Dwight Sign it.
26611 6 3 The Promotion 4157 Jim No, not without a "please."
26612 6 3 The Promotion 4157 Dwight Idiot.
26613 6 3 The Promotion 4158 Dwight I have a complaint about Jim.
26614 6 3 The Promotion 4158 Michael That is not big picture.
26615 6 3 The Promotion 4158 Dwight I would like to file a huge, enormous, massive complaint about the tallest guy in our office.
26616 6 3 The Promotion 4158 Michael ... Okay.
26617 6 3 The Promotion 4158 Dwight Jim won't sign my expense report.
26618 6 3 The Promotion 4158 Michael That is not-- okay-- that is day-to-day.
26619 6 3 The Promotion 4158 Dwight No, that is huge.
26620 6 3 The Promotion 4158 Michael You're trying to trick me.
26621 6 3 The Promotion 4158 Dwight This has to do--
26622 6 3 The Promotion 4158 Michael Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out.
26623 6 3 The Promotion 4159 Dwight I'd like to lodge a complaint.
26624 6 3 The Promotion 4159 Jim I'm sorry to hear about that. Who is this about?
26625 6 3 The Promotion 4159 Dwight You!
26626 6 3 The Promotion 4159 Jim Okay. Just want to let you know I take complaints very seriously. So... When did this happen?
26627 6 3 The Promotion 4159 Dwight One minute ago.
26628 6 3 The Promotion 4159 Jim Okay. And how do you feel?
26629 6 3 The Promotion 4159 Dwight Angry.
26630 6 3 The Promotion 4159 Jim All right. Did he hit you?
26631 6 3 The Promotion 4159 Dwight No.
26632 6 3 The Promotion 4159 Jim Did you cry?
26633 6 3 The Promotion 4159 Dwight No.
26634 6 3 The Promotion 4159 Jim Did you feel like crying?
26635 6 3 The Promotion 4159 Dwight No.
26636 6 3 The Promotion 4159 Jim I'm just gonna write "held back tears."
26637 6 3 The Promotion 4159 Dwight Wait, stop writing that. That is not true.
26638 6 3 The Promotion 4159 Jim If you stop crying, I'll stop writing it.
26639 6 3 The Promotion 4159 Dwight I'm not cr-- uhh!
26640 6 3 The Promotion 4160 Dwight I deserved that promotion, not Jim. Oh, man. Makes me want to put him in a triangle choke hold and force him down to the ground and just keep pressing and pressing. And then flip him over and then put him in a hammer lock! And he's gasping, he's panting! Every last breath! And the crowd is going crazy. And boom! I emerge victorious! Aha! $18,000 and a chance at the title! Ooh hah!
26641 6 3 The Promotion 4160 Erin Dwight, Jim wants you to keep it down.
26642 6 3 The Promotion 4161 Michael Everyone, now would be a good time to freshen up, because I'd like everyone to meet in the conference room in five minutes. And I suggest that you bring a snack, because we may be in there for a while.
26643 6 3 The Promotion 4161 Jim Michael...
26644 6 3 The Promotion 4161 Michael Yes?
26645 6 3 The Promotion 4161 Jim Can I talk to you in my office for a second?
26646 6 3 The Promotion 4161 Michael Mmm, sure, but could I first talk to you in my office?
26647 6 3 The Promotion 4161 Stanley Can I also be a boss?
26648 6 3 The Promotion 4162 Oscar Look, it doesn't take a genius to know that any organization thrives when it has two leaders. Go ahead, name a country that doesn't have two presidents. A boat that sets sail without two captains. Where would Catholicism be without the popes?
26649 6 3 The Promotion 4163 Jim I have noticed that we--
26650 6 3 The Promotion 4163 Michael Welcome.
26651 6 3 The Promotion 4163 Jim Thank you. I've noticed we've been having a lot of conference room meetings.
26652 6 3 The Promotion 4163 Michael Mm-hmm.
26653 6 3 The Promotion 4163 Jim And I'm wondEring if perhaps those are a bit, um--
26654 6 3 The Promotion 4163 Michael Disruptive.
26655 6 3 The Promotion 4163 Jim Yes.
26656 6 3 The Promotion 4163 Michael No, I don't think they are. I think the meetings are very important.
26657 6 3 The Promotion 4163 Jim Okay, maybe we should talk specifics.
26658 6 3 The Promotion 4163 Michael Let's do.
26659 6 3 The Promotion 4163 Jim Okay. Yesterday, we had a meeting about planets.
26660 6 3 The Promotion 4163 Michael N-- well, to be fair, Jim... James... Jimothy... To be fair, Jimothy, the-- ah, that sounds weird. Are you okay with being called Jim?
26661 6 3 The Promotion 4163 Jim I am.
26662 6 3 The Promotion 4163 Michael Alright. Jim, to be fair, the conversation wasn't about planets...
26663 6 3 The Promotion 4163 Jim Right.
26664 6 3 The Promotion 4163 Michael At first, we were talking about introducing a line of toilet paper. And what part of the human body does one use toilet paper upon? So you draw a line from there to the other planets, and I think by the end, we all learned a little bit about how small we are.
26665 6 3 The Promotion 4163 Jim Yes, I agree.
26666 6 3 The Promotion 4163 Michael Because it's a big universe, and we're all just little, tiny specks of dust.
26667 6 3 The Promotion 4163 Jim I just think that maybe they're eating large amounts of the day.
26668 6 3 The Promotion 4163 Michael You know what eats a large amount of the day are naps. You go to sleep, it's light out, you wake up, it's dark. That's the whole day. Where did that day go? I have no idea.
26669 6 3 The Promotion 4163 Jim You mean on a weekend?
26670 6 3 The Promotion 4163 Michael Yes.
26671 6 3 The Promotion 4163 Jim How about this? I think our goal should be we don't have meetings unless they're absolutely essential.
26672 6 3 The Promotion 4163 Michael Alright. No more meetings this week.
26673 6 3 The Promotion 4163 Jim Really? You just agreed to that?
26674 6 3 The Promotion 4163 Michael I can be very suprising.
26675 6 3 The Promotion 4164 Phyllis What's going on?
26676 6 3 The Promotion 4164 Pam I need to fit into my wedding dress. However, I'm also pregnant.
26677 6 3 The Promotion 4164 Ryan You know, it's a myth that women have to gain more than nine pounds in a pregnancy. Look at these actresses. Some of them lose weight.
26678 6 3 The Promotion 4164 Phyllis Hey, did you guys register for wedding gifts?
26679 6 3 The Promotion 4164 Pam We did, but mostly because people expect us to. We're also accepting other gifts not on the registry... However much.
26680 6 3 The Promotion 4165 Pam It's awkward asking people for money, but we could really use it. Why doesn't Crate & Barrel let you register for a toaster full of cash?
26681 6 3 The Promotion 4166 Phyllis Perfect. I hate registries.
26682 6 3 The Promotion 4166 Pam Oh, good.
26683 6 3 The Promotion 4166 Phyllis My cousin makes the most amazing romantic birdhouse mailboxes. I know I shouldn't tell you, but you'll still be suprised when you see it. You're not registered for a birdhouse, are you?
26684 6 3 The Promotion 4166 Pam No, we're not.
26685 6 3 The Promotion 4166 Phyllis Good. Good.
26686 6 3 The Promotion 4167 Michael Mm-hmm?
26687 6 3 The Promotion 4167 Jim Okay, I thought I saw people missing.
26688 6 3 The Promotion 4167 Michael Yeah, just focus-grouping a product expansion idea to these folks. Got one of each.
26689 6 3 The Promotion 4167 Jim Really? Hey, Stanley, what was the last thing Michael said before I came through the door?
26690 6 3 The Promotion 4167 Michael Stanley, you don't need to answer that.
26691 6 3 The Promotion 4167 Jim Stanley?
26692 6 3 The Promotion 4167 Stanley "If you don't smell this, you're fired."
26693 6 3 The Promotion 4167 Jim Okay, Michael, I thought we agreed to not take up people's time with meetings like these.
26694 6 3 The Promotion 4167 Michael What do you mean by "these people"?
26695 6 3 The Promotion 4167 Jim Michael, this is a conference room meeting.
26696 6 3 The Promotion 4167 Michael Oh, hey, everybody, I think that Jim has gone insane, because he thinks that my office is a conference room.
26697 6 3 The Promotion 4167 Jim That's not what I meant.
26698 6 3 The Promotion 4167 Michael Listen, Jim, no offense, but when push comes to shove, what I want is more important that what you want.
26699 6 3 The Promotion 4167 Jim I disagree.
26700 6 3 The Promotion 4167 Michael What do you guys think?
26701 6 3 The Promotion 4167 Jim Great. Guys, can I just have a moment alone with Michael?
26702 6 3 The Promotion 4167 Michael No, no, no, you don't need to go anywhere. Anything that Jim has to say to me, he can say in front of these types of people.
26703 6 3 The Promotion 4167 Jim That is not what I said, and, also, I am co-manager, meaning you are not the only manager anymore. I am also I co-manager.
26704 6 3 The Promotion 4167 Michael That is not what Wallace told us.
26705 6 3 The Promotion 4167 Jim That's exactly what Wallace told us.
26706 6 3 The Promotion 4167 Michael That is not the way I heard it.
26707 6 3 The Promotion 4168 Kelly I love rivalries-- Michael or Jim, Paris or Nicole, Heidi or L.C. It's so much fun. But I guess if I'm really thinking about it and answEring your question honestly, I'd have to go with L.C. Heidi's a bad friend, and her skin is terrible.
26708 6 3 The Promotion 4169 Michael It is one thing, me giving you the co-manager title. It is another thing, you bossing me around.
26709 6 3 The Promotion 4169 Jim I'm not bossing you around. I'm trying to do my job, which is sharing your job, so maybe we should just call David Wallace.
26710 6 3 The Promotion 4169 Michael No, no, no. No, we will not call David Wallace. I will call David Wallace.
26711 6 3 The Promotion 4169 Erin David Wallace is on line two for you guys.
26712 6 3 The Promotion 4169 Michael Or David Wallace will call us on line two. Why don't we just--
26713 6 3 The Promotion 4169 Jim Hey, David. You got Jim here.
26714 6 3 The Promotion 4169 Michael Hey David, this is Michael, senior co-manager.
26715 6 3 The Promotion 4169 David Wallace Hey guys, um, I'm calling, because, unfortunately, we will not be able to give out cost of living raises this year, and I know people expect it. However, there just is only a small amount of money for each branch, so we're leaving it up to the managers to decide how to distribute it.
26716 6 3 The Promotion 4169 Michael Got it, Dave. Sounds like your classice big-picture decision.
26717 6 3 The Promotion 4169 Jim Which will clearly affect the day-to-day well-being of our employees.
26718 6 3 The Promotion 4169 David Wallace It's probably a little of both.
26719 6 3 The Promotion 4169 Michael Which is it more of?
26720 6 3 The Promotion 4169 David Wallace Excuse me?
26721 6 3 The Promotion 4169 Jim David, I know that I'm very new at this, but I have a very good perspective on how things work.
26722 6 3 The Promotion 4169 David Wallace Wait, I'm sorry. Michael, are you-- are you texting me?
26723 6 3 The Promotion 4169 Michael I thought maybe we could talk after this is over.
26724 6 3 The Promotion 4169 David Wallace Look, I need you both to take care of this. This is not going to be a problem, is it?
26725 6 3 The Promotion 4169 Jim Nope, not at all.
26726 6 3 The Promotion 4169 Michael No, it will not be. I am on top of it.
26727 6 3 The Promotion 4169 David Wallace Very good.
26728 6 3 The Promotion 4169 Jim Alright, thanks alot, David.
26729 6 3 The Promotion 4169 Michael Talk to you later-- Okay, you didn't let me say good-bye. Alright, I am looking forward to this.
26730 6 3 The Promotion 4169 Jim You don't have to lie.
26731 6 3 The Promotion 4169 Michael I hate the fact that we have to do this together. I think we work better separately. When I am irritated and I look at you, I don't see you anymore.
26732 6 3 The Promotion 4169 Jim Right.
26733 6 3 The Promotion 4169 Michael All I can see is how big and gross the pores on your nose are.
26734 6 3 The Promotion 4169 Jim Alright. Let's get started.
26735 6 3 The Promotion 4170 Creed Hey, why haven't we ever, um...
26736 6 3 The Promotion 4170 Meredith We have.
26737 6 3 The Promotion 4171 Michael You know, there's no easy way to do this. I say we add 1.5% to their paychecks and don't say anything about it.
26738 6 3 The Promotion 4171 Jim Do you mean, like break-in in the middle of the night and change the numbers on payroll?
26739 6 3 The Promotion 4171 Michael No, we can do it during the day. It doesn't have to be that dramatic, Jim.
26740 6 3 The Promotion 4171 Jim Okay. You know what would help is a pros and cons list for our options.
26741 6 3 The Promotion 4171 Michael Jim, don't take this the wrong way. Are you gonna take this the wrong way?
26742 6 3 The Promotion 4171 Jim It's hard to tell so far.
26743 6 3 The Promotion 4171 Michael You use your brain too much.
26744 6 3 The Promotion 4171 Jim I'm sorry, are you advocating that I use it less?
26745 6 3 The Promotion 4171 Michael Sometimes the smartest people don't think at all.
26746 6 3 The Promotion 4171 Jim You just came up with that.
26747 6 3 The Promotion 4171 Michael As I was saying it.
26748 6 3 The Promotion 4171 Jim Yeah. Okay, so for the 1.5% increase, pro-- everyone gets a little bit.
26749 6 3 The Promotion 4171 Michael Con-- you look like a nerd.
26750 6 3 The Promotion 4171 Jim Con-- no one gets as much as they did last year.
26751 6 3 The Promotion 4171 Michael Pro-- you get to share your pros and cons list with the other nerds.
26752 6 3 The Promotion 4171 Jim Pro-- no favoritism.
26753 6 3 The Promotion 4171 Michael Con-- you unzip your pants, and you find that there's a calculator down there.
26754 6 3 The Promotion 4172 Jim I've been studying Michael for years, and I've condensed what I've learned into this chart-- How Michael spends his time. As you can see, we have procrastinating and distracting others, and this tiny sliver here is critical thinking. I made it bigger, so that you could see it.
26755 6 3 The Promotion 4173 Kevin Hey, Pam, I heard that you were registered, but I didn't hear where.
26756 6 3 The Promotion 4173 Pam I don't think we registered anywhere. We just want cash.
26757 6 3 The Promotion 4173 Kevin Like money? Like you-- you want my money?
26758 6 3 The Promotion 4173 Pam Mm-hmm.
26759 6 3 The Promotion 4173 Kevin Will you take a check?
26760 6 3 The Promotion 4173 Pam Yeah.
26761 6 3 The Promotion 4173 Kevin Cool. In the memo line, I'm gonna write, "To love's eternal glory."
26762 6 3 The Promotion 4173 Pam Okay.
26763 6 3 The Promotion 4173 Kevin Wait til' Monday.
26764 6 3 The Promotion 4174 Pam Is this what I've become? Materialistic? Shallow? I feel horrible. oh look! "Mrs. Pam Halpert!" That's the first time I've seen it in writing!
26765 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Jim You know, the more I think about it, the more I think we should give it to the salesmen.
26766 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Michael That will not go over well.
26767 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Jim I know. I just think it seems smart to keep the salesmen happy right now. 'Course I know that this might come off as biased, so you know what? Let us...
26768 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Michael Oh, my God! Are you gonna make another pro and con list? I'm gonna kill myself.
26769 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Jim I'm not gonna let you stop me from thinking.
26770 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Michael No! I could not do that, Jim. I can see it in your crusty little eyes that you are going to make everything perfect. If I can just think this through, if I could just think it exactly right, I can make this perfect, and then I can go down every avenue, and every avenue off of that avenue, and then another avenue.
26771 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Jim Michael.
26772 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Michael And then another--
26773 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Jim Look, you have a lot of strengths.
26774 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Michael Oh, I do?! Tell me what they are.
26775 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Jim I think that you are able to take constructive criticism very well.
26776 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Michael Ha! That-- I am not known for that!
26777 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Jim But there is a reason why I'm here!
26778 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Michael Yes! You went over my head to Wallace!
26779 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Jim No, it's because you also have a lot of weaknesses, Michael!
26780 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Michael Okay. Well, why don't you tell me what those are, Jim? Why don't you enliven me?
26781 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Jim I don't think you're good at making tough decisions!
26782 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Michael Ah.
26783 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Jim At thinking out the options, and then stating that decision very clearly, especially when it's an unpopular decision.
26784 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Michael Okay, here's a tough decision for you. You suck! You suck! Is that clear enough for you?!
26785 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Jim But maybe I'm here for a reason, because I might have some good ideas, too. I've been sitting out there, and I've been learning a lot, and maybe I can just bring something different to the table.
26786 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Michael Okay, Skippy, here we go. Why don't you run yourself out there and tell them? You call it.
26787 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Michael This had better be terrible.
26788 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Jim Could I have everyone's attention, please? I have some tough news, so I'm just gonna give it to you straight. Truth is, we only have so much money for raises this year, so the simple fact is some people will get raises, and some people won't. Now, what we've decided is, we are gonna give those raises to the sales staff.
26789 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Meredith Wait. Seriously?!
26790 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Jim Look, you guys are smart, so I'm just leveling with you. I'm just trying to treat you like adults.
26791 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Oscar Thank you, Jim, for thinking that we're smart people.
26792 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Angela But, I do not understand. If we're such smart adults, then why don't we get raises?
26793 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Oscar Excellent question, genius. It's because Jim wants to give the raises to his friends and the people he sleeps with.
26794 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Jim Ooh, easy. That's not it at all.
26795 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Oscar Well?
26796 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Jim Really what it is, is about the money the sales staff brings into the office.
26797 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Kelly What's going on?
26798 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Kevin Jim is only giving raises to the salesmen.
26799 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Kelly What the hell?! Why are you being such a jerk?!
26800 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Oscar Hold on, Kelly. Would it help you to know that Jim thinks you're smart?
26801 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Kelly No! How is that gonna repair Ryan's car?!
26802 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Dwight This is ridiculous! How could he do this to us?!
26803 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Jim Okay, Dwight, you know what? You'd be getting the raise so--
26804 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Dwight What about all these people, huh?! How is it fair to them?!
26805 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Oscar Exactly!
26806 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Kevin Totally!
26807 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Oscar We work just as hard as the sales people. We deserve raises.
26808 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Creed Yes.
26809 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Angela Yes. They don't get 'em, if we don't get 'em!
26810 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Meredith My kid needs shoes! You want to tell him he doesn't get shoes?!
26811 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Kevin Yeah.
26812 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Dwight Her kid needs shoes, Jim!
26813 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Meredith What the hell?!
26814 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Jim Wow! I'm just gonna rewind and back off a bit, so...
26815 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Michael That was good! That was good! Okay, all right. Well, we all know it's hard to be a boss, right? You know what? Look around you. These are your best friends. These are the people who will open their hearts to you. They all have heart-ons for you , and that is a gift. So in terms of gifts, we should be giving each other gifts. Angela, yes, lend Oscar a cup of sugar. This--
26816 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Angela What are you talking about Michael?
26817 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Stanley We just need to hear your plan for our raise.
26818 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Michael My plan-- a man-- panama.
26819 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Andy That's not how that goes.
26820 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Meredith You're not saying anything. At least Jim was being direct...
26821 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Jim Thank you, Meredith.
26822 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Meredith ...when he was telling us his dumbass plan.
26823 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Oscar We would just like to know what's happening. Are we getting a raise, yes or no?
26824 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Michael Alright! Let me get this clear! Does everybody want a raise? Alright, everyone wants a raise, so what we're going to do is go into here, and we will not come out until we do.
26825 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Oscar Again, that gives us no information.
26826 6 3 The Promotion 4175 Phyllis This isn't a game, you know? It's our livelihood!
26827 6 3 The Promotion 4176 Michael What about a raise based on merit?
26828 6 3 The Promotion 4176 Jim Rank each person individually?
26829 6 3 The Promotion 4176 Michael Mm-hmm. Piece of cake. Ryan, obviously the best.
26830 6 3 The Promotion 4176 Jim Well, obviously. Too bad he's a temp and doesn't count, so let's get started.
26831 6 3 The Promotion 4176 Michael Are you making a--
26832 6 3 The Promotion 4176 Jim Nope. I'm numbering the paper.
26833 6 3 The Promotion 4177 Oscar Just--
26834 6 3 The Promotion 4177 Kevin Yeah, I don't understand how they can even consider giving money to some people and not the rest of us.
26835 6 3 The Promotion 4177 Angela It's not like we're not gonna see the checks. We're in accounting!
26836 6 3 The Promotion 4177 Meredith I am so pissed at this company!
26837 6 3 The Promotion 4177 Dwight And Jim!
26838 6 3 The Promotion 4177 Meredith Yeah. Who said that?
26839 6 3 The Promotion 4177 Dwight I think it was Creed.
26840 6 3 The Promotion 4177 Creed Yep.
26841 6 3 The Promotion 4178 Jim It's going really well, actually.
26842 6 3 The Promotion 4178 Jim Each Boston Baked Bean represents half a percent raise. We each got 24 beans, so the idea is, you place the bean on the picture of who you think deserv-- who's that?
26843 6 3 The Promotion 4178 Michael Toby.
26844 6 3 The Promotion 4178 Jim He's not a part of this. You know that.
26845 6 3 The Promotion 4178 Michael Just wanted to draw a picture of him.
26846 6 3 The Promotion 4178 Jim Okay, your move.
26847 6 3 The Promotion 4178 Michael Alright! Who to pick? Who to pick?
26848 6 3 The Promotion 4178 Jim Here we go.
26849 6 3 The Promotion 4178 Michael I... will skip a turn.
26850 6 3 The Promotion 4178 Jim Okay, you're gonna still have to play that bean. You know that.
26851 6 3 The Promotion 4178 Michael I need more time.
26852 6 3 The Promotion 4178 Erin Wallace sent an e-mail about a meeting next week. He wants you both to respond.
26853 6 3 The Promotion 4179 Dwight People are starting to notice how terrible Jim is. It's great. Eventually, they'll rise up and revolt. My only hope is that they do it sooner rather than later. If the people here were our founding fathers, the Revolutionary War would have been delayed ten years, because Stanley Washington was napping, and Phyllis Hancock was still signing the declaration, and Kevin Jefferson was distracted by a butterfly.
26854 6 3 The Promotion 4180 Dwight Come on in. That's right. Come in, feast your eyes. They determine our worth by putting beans upon our faces.
26855 6 3 The Promotion 4180 Oscar What the hell?!
26856 6 3 The Promotion 4180 Dwight Things were not this bad when just Michael was manager.
26857 6 3 The Promotion 4180 Michael Hey, what are you guys doing in here?
26858 6 3 The Promotion 4180 Kevin What does a bean mean?
26859 6 3 The Promotion 4180 Pam Why aren't there any beans on this very old, frizzy-haired picture of me?
26860 6 3 The Promotion 4180 Kevin Michael, what does a bean mean?
26861 6 3 The Promotion 4180 Pam Jim?
26862 6 3 The Promotion 4180 Jim I was just trying to be unbiased.
26863 6 3 The Promotion 4180 Kevin What does a bean mean?!
26864 6 3 The Promotion 4180 Oscar Someone please explain it to Kevin.
26865 6 3 The Promotion 4180 Meredith Why can't you? My time is just as valuable as yours.
26866 6 3 The Promotion 4180 Phyllis Not according to the beans.
26867 6 3 The Promotion 4180 Angela This is how you make this important decision?
26868 6 3 The Promotion 4180 Andy There's no way that Stanley gets more beans than me. That is ridiculous. This is how it works.
26869 6 3 The Promotion 4181 Phyllis It's not so much that I might not get a raise. It's just demeaning!
26870 6 3 The Promotion 4181 Andy Thank you! That is exactly-- by the way, I would also like a raise.
26871 6 3 The Promotion 4181 Phyllis Yeah, I would, too.
26872 6 3 The Promotion 4181 Dwight Are we idiots? What right does Jim have to claim authority, hmm? Is he as good a salesman as I? Is he as matronly as Phyllis? There are moments where we can affect change. For a few seconds every decade, we exist, and these are those seconds! Let us storm his castle! Come on! Tick-- let's get him. Tock-- let's get Jim! Tick-- and drag Jim out of his office! Tock-- take his keys away from him! Tick-- that's a clock! The time is getting very close! It's now or never! What say you?!
26873 6 3 The Promotion 4181 Phyllis I say no.
26874 6 3 The Promotion 4181 Dwight No, I mean, what do you say to my plan? Okay.
26875 6 3 The Promotion 4181 Kevin What does a bean mean?
26876 6 3 The Promotion 4181 Michael How you doing?
26877 6 3 The Promotion 4181 Jim Uh, on a scale of one to ten, I'd say I'm about a four.
26878 6 3 The Promotion 4181 Michael Oh, what are you usually?
26879 6 3 The Promotion 4181 Jim Six. You?
26880 6 3 The Promotion 4181 Michael Usually a ten, but I'm feeling like a zero.
26881 6 3 The Promotion 4181 Jim I mean, a performance-based raise sounded like a good idea, right?
26882 6 3 The Promotion 4181 Michael I know, I know.
26883 6 3 The Promotion 4181 Jim We tried to find the fairest way to do it.
26884 6 3 The Promotion 4181 Michael Yes, we did.
26885 6 3 The Promotion 4181 Jim I just-- what?
26886 6 3 The Promotion 4181 Michael Um, nothing. I just... I used to have to do this part alone, and it was the worst. I have something I would like to give you.
26887 6 3 The Promotion 4181 Phyllis Michael!
26888 6 3 The Promotion 4181 Kevin Michael!
26889 6 3 The Promotion 4181 Phyllis Come on! This isn't fair!
26890 6 3 The Promotion 4181 Jim Michael's my only friend left in the office. Except Pam... I think. Is she still upset?
26891 6 3 The Promotion 4181 Phyllis Michael, you cannot just keep avoiding us like this!
26892 6 3 The Promotion 4181 Jim Thank you.
26893 6 3 The Promotion 4181 Michael You're welcome.
26894 6 3 The Promotion 4181 Jim What's in here?
26895 6 3 The Promotion 4181 Michael Gin.
26896 6 3 The Promotion 4181 Jim Ooh!
26897 6 3 The Promotion 4181 Michael Just pretend we're not here.
26898 6 3 The Promotion 4182 Ryan Heard you guys are looking for cash for the wedding?
26899 6 3 The Promotion 4182 Pam Yeah, I mean, if it's all the same for you.
26900 6 3 The Promotion 4182 Ryan Question for you. Would you guys rather have $100 now, or $5,000 a year from now?
26901 6 3 The Promotion 4182 Pam $100 now for sure.
26902 6 3 The Promotion 4182 Ryan Because you just give me $50 to cover the broker fee, I put in a hundred of my own money as the gift...
26903 6 3 The Promotion 4182 Pam Yeah. No, no, I'll um-- the hundred. I'll just take the hundred.
26904 6 3 The Promotion 4182 Ryan Instead of $5,000 a year from now?
26905 6 3 The Promotion 4182 Pam How sure is this?
26906 6 3 The Promotion 4183 Pam The guy has an algorithm to determine the winner of any given college basketball game.
26907 6 3 The Promotion 4184 Pam Don't tell Jim.
26908 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4185 Pam I'm sorry. You guys have probably noticed my stomach's a little more sensitive lately. So, if you wouldn't mind wearing a little less perfume... and if your lunch is especially pungent, maybe have it in the break room?
26909 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4185 Jim We would really appreciate it.
26910 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4186 Dwight Pam is constantly throwing up because of the pregnancy. If she eats something the fetus doesn't like she is screwed. It's amazing. A three ounce fetus is calling the shots. It's so bad ass.
26911 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4187 Pam Phyllis, if you could switch to a different soap, just for a month or two? Yours is kind of perfumy.
26912 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4187 Phyllis Now this is getting ridiculous.
26913 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4187 Dwight Oh, gee, I'm sorry. I guess I missed the meeting where we all all voted for you to get pregnant. No! I reserve the right to peel my hard-boiled eggs at my desk.
26914 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4187 Meredith All morning I look forward to my afternoon cigars and I'm not stopping for anyone.
26915 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4188 Pam I don't think I'm asking for too much. I guess it's just the end of courtesy in the workplace.
26916 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4189 Andy Watching people get sick always makes me sick. And... frankly so does talking about it. So... wow...
26917 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4190 Michael What do you think? I spent all morning on it.
26918 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4190 Jim It is really special.
26919 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4190 Pam Yeah, but aren't you supposed to do that to our... no. It's great.
26920 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4190 Michael It's just a really important day for me.
26921 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4190 Jim Well, congrats.
26922 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4190 Michael Thanks.
26923 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4191 Erin Dunder Mifflin Scranton will be closed today and Friday for a company wedding in Niagara Falls. So, please leave a message and we'll get back to you as soon as possible. Have a great day.
26924 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4192 Jim Believe it or not, Kevin, fire crackers are in the don't column.
26925 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4192 Kevin So... you're going to provide them, then?
26926 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4192 Jim No. This is a fire cracker free wedding.
26927 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4192 Kevin What the hell?
26928 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4192 Dwight Come on. You've got to be kidding me.
26929 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4192 Pam Ok. All of these things are important to remember but the most important thing is no one say anything about my pregnancy at the wedding.
26930 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4192 Jim Absolutely. 'Cause not everyone knows and some people may be offended.
26931 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4192 Angela Decent people everywhere will get offended.
26932 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4192 Pam Well, we're thinking of my grandmother who we haven't told and is very old-fashioned.
26933 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4192 Angela Well, you're lucky you have a grandmother. Some of us have to be our own grandmothers.
26934 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4192 Jim That's nice.
26935 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4192 Pam You know, Angela, you don't have to come to the wedding.
26936 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4192 Angela Really, Pam...
26937 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4192 Michael Yes she does. Yes she does. We're all gonna go and we're gonna have a good time.
26938 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4192 Angela Ow! He pinched me!
26939 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4192 Michael No.
26940 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4192 Pam Next time we're all in this room Jim and I will be married.
26941 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4192 Dwight We'll see.
26942 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4192 Pam Thank you, Dwight.
26943 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4192 Jim Good-bye.
26944 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4192 Pam See you later.
26945 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4192 Michael And, hey, don't embarrass me when we go to Niagara.
26946 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4192 Andy What happens in Niagara, stays in Niagara.
26947 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4192 Michael Don't. Don't. Don't. You stole my joke. Don't steal my joke.
26948 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4192 Andy No... I didn't steal your joke.
26949 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4192 Michael Yes. I said that yesterday.
26950 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4192 Dwight But you can say that about anything.
26951 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4192 Michael Dwight...
26952 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4192 Dwight What happens in accounting, stays in accounting.
26953 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4192 Kevin Oh yeah.
26954 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4192 Michael No. No. No. Please, please. Dwight, that's my joke.
26955 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4192 Dwight It's easy. That's what I'm saying.
26956 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4192 Michael This is what I'm talking about. When we leave here and go up to Niagara Falls we are representing Dunder Mifflin, everyone. This is a very important wedding for the branch. The most important wedding until I get married. So, I want you all on your best behavior or so help me, God. So... I will see you up there in Viagra Falls!
26957 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4193 Michael Pam and Jim's wedding will be the single best pick up destination in the history of the universe.
26958 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4194 Dwight I stole the guest list from Jim's desk and I search engined every female on both sides of the family.
26959 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4194 Michael Get out of here.
26960 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4194 Dwight Yes.
26961 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4194 Michael Oh, my God, Dwight.
26962 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4194 Dwight For instance, Pam's cousin, Jocelyn Webster.
26963 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4194 Michael There's... a name.
26964 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4194 Dwight Two years ago she was selling a mountain bike.
26965 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4194 Michael Oh. Well, tell me about Jocelyn.
26966 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4194 Dwight Well... she was really into mountain biking but not so much lately.
26967 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4194 Michael Ok.
26968 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4194 Dwight She had a couple hundred dollars to spend, I mean, if she was able to sell her bike.
26969 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4194 Michael Is that all you have on her?
26970 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4194 Dwight Well, if this is in fact her because it is a very common name.
26971 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4194 Michael You're an idiot.
26972 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4195 Kevin People don't think of me as one of the sharper dressers in the office... but I'm going ot turn that around at this wedding. I thought, how could I take it to the next level? The hair. It's the hair-- Ok. Ok. I'm going. God.
26973 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4196 Andy Hey, do one of you guys want to sit up front with me so I have someone to talk to? It's like a five hour drive-ish, you know.
26974 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4196 Kelly This is so much cooler. We feel like wer're in a limo and you're our driver.
26975 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4196 Andy Mmm-hmm. Erin?
26976 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4196 Erin Oh no. That wouldn't be fair to leave Kelly alone in back.
26977 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4197 Andy Not only is Erin really sweet and cute... she smell's like my mom.
26978 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4198 Pam Hey, my aunt told me something neat.
26979 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4198 Jim Yeah?
26980 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4198 Pam She said everything with the wedding goes by so fast we should try to take mental pictures of the high points.
26981 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4198 Jim Oh, wow. That's cool.
26982 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4198 Pam Yeah.
26983 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4198 Jim Click. Oh, you blinked. Damn it. Now that's in my brain forever.
26984 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4198 Pam Oh.
26985 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4198 Jim Lousy Picture.
26986 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4198 Pam We should have hired a professional to take our mental pictures.
26987 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4199 Michael Oh! God! Wow! Oh. I was asleep.
26988 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4199 Dwight What? No way!
26989 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4199 Michael Those glasses are super dark.
26990 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4199 Dwight Oh. God.
26991 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4199 Michael Alright. We need some tunes, I think.
26992 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4199 Dwight You know what? I made you a cd...
26993 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4199 Michael You did?
26994 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4199 Dwight Mmm-hmm.
26995 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4199 Michael That was nice of you.
26996 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4199 Dwight This is to play when you bring a woman back to your hotel room.
26997 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4199 Michael Oh, very thoughtful. A little mix to set the mood. Delightful. Pop that in.
26998 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4199 Dwight You're gonna like this. "Hello. This is Dwight Schrute. If you are listening to this you are a lucky woman Michael has seduced. Ah to be in your shoes. 'What's next?', you're probably wondering. Don't be scared of you're night in heaven--"
26999 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4199 Michael Are you serious? You want me to play that for a woman coming to my room?
27000 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4199 Dwight Yeah. It's practical.
27001 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4199 Michael No. No. That's not how it works.
27002 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4200 Jim Niagara Falls used to be, like, a spiritual experience for people. They stayed in tents and it blew their minds. It's really kitchy now, which is a lot of fun.
27003 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4201 Front Desk Clerk Halpert...
27004 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4201 Jim And Beesly. Tonight we're in two seperate rooms and tomorrow night is the honeymoon suite.
27005 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4201 Front Desk Clerk Great.
27006 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4201 Jim I know. We're pretty excited, too.
27007 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4201 Pam Can we take a look at the suite now?
27008 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4201 Front Desk Clerk Oh, I'm sorry. Somebody just checked in.
27009 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4201 Pam Oh... is there another wedding at the hotel this weekend?
27010 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4201 Front Desk Clerk Oh, no. Just an individual. That man over there.
27011 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4201 Andy Hey. I got the room the night before you guys. I'll break in the bed.
27012 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4201 Jim I don't like that.
27013 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4201 Pam I'm gonna need the name and cell phone number of the housekeeper responsible for changing the sheets, please.
27014 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Michael Hello. Reservation for Michael Scott.
27015 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Front Desk Clerk One moment while I check.
27016 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Dwight The proximity to the falls makes everything smell like a basement.
27017 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Michael Mmm-hmm.
27018 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Front Desk Clerk I'm sorry, sir, but I'm not seeing you in here. When did you make your reservation?
27019 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Michael I don't have a reservation but I want a room in the Halpert-Beesly block of rooms.
27020 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Front Desk Clerk Oh, ok. Unfortunately, sir, the block only applies to the rate. I'm afraid we're all sold out.
27021 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Dwight Dwight Schrute. I have a reservation. Confirmation number: Romeo. Tango. G7745.
27022 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Front Desk Clerk Yes. Schrute.
27023 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Dwight And I had spoken to Teresa about a room with two safes?
27024 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Front Desk Clerk Sure. No problem.
27025 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Dwight Ok.
27026 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Front Desk Clerk Here's your key, Mr. Schrute.
27027 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Michael Dwight. Dwight, Dwight. I need to stay in your room.
27028 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Dwight No way. What if I meet someone?
27029 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Michael I'm staying in your-- Come on, Dwight.
27030 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Dwight No. No.
27031 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Michael I would do the same for you.
27032 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Dwight You would?
27033 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Michael Yes.
27034 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Dwight Really?
27035 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Michael Yes... just go--
27036 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Dwight Wait a second. Oh. No, no, no. This must be some kind of mistake. This reservation seems to be under an M. Scott. This must be yours.
27037 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Michael Oh. Thank God.
27038 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Dwight Oh no. Now that I don't have a room, can I stay with you?
27039 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Michael Um... no. And you know what? I would say yes but you can't. And I'll tell you why.
27040 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Dwight Please?
27041 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Michael If I have a woman up there and things are getting amorous, she's going to get turned off if she looks in he bathroom and sees you brushing your teeth with butter and clay.
27042 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Dwight Mmm-hmm.
27043 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Michael Ok.
27044 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Dwight Ok. Ok. A-ha-ha! That was a test. You have failed. For this is my room. You would not share with me.
27045 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Michael I don't have a room?
27046 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Dwight No you do not.
27047 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Michael Ok. 'Oooh. You must pass the dungeon wisdom test.'
27048 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Dwight It worked.
27049 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4202 Michael Jerk.
27050 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4203 Michael When Mary was denied a room at the inn... Jesus was born. When Michael was denied a room at the inn, we don't know what happens because that story hasn't been told yet.
27051 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4204 Stanley Mr. and Mrs. Stanley Hudson.
27052 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4204 Michael Hey. Stanley? Can I stay in your room tonight?
27053 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4204 Stanley Are you crazy? I brought Cynthia with me.
27054 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4204 Michael Not in the same bed. In the other bed.
27055 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4204 Stanley I got one queen size bed.
27056 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4204 Michael You... are... kidding me.
27057 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4204 Stanley A queen size bed is five feet wide. I am not five feet wide, Michael.
27058 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4204 Michael I'm not a physics major, Stanley. I'm just saying be careful. Hey, guys. Hey. Could I stay in your room tonight?
27059 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4204 Erin Oh. Gross.
27060 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4204 Kelly Blow my brains out.
27061 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4204 Michael That's rude.
27062 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4204 Toby Michael, I have one extra twin bed, if you want.
27063 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4204 Michael You are going to be slepping by yourself for the rest of your life, so you just get used to it.
27064 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4205 Mr. Halpert So, which one is Pam's grandma?
27065 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4205 Pam Oh, Mema? She's the one in the teal suit. She's the only 80 year old with no smile wrinkles.
27066 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4205 Jim Dad, remember, no mention of the baby, right?
27067 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4205 Mr. Halpert No.
27068 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4205 Michael Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's very conservative. So, mum's the word.
27069 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4205 Jim Mom, Dad. This is Michael Scott.
27070 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4205 Mr. Halpert Oh.
27071 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4205 Michael How ya doin'?
27072 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4205 Mr. Halpert Hi.
27073 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4205 Michael Nice to meet you.
27074 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4205 Mr. Halpert Nice to meet you.
27075 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4205 Michael Who's doing a toast? I would like to go third. Sort of bat clean up and--
27076 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4205 Jim Michael, I thought we discussed that we would rather you not speak, like, at all. Because it's just going to be blood relatives, I think.
27077 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4205 Michael That is seriously going to impeed my ability to hook up with your female relatives.
27078 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4205 Jim Pretty sure everyone heard that.
27079 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4205 Michael Didn't move my lips.
27080 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4206 Pam Hey, Mema.
27081 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4206 Mema I wasn't sure about your branch of the family. After I heard about your parent's divorce. But you and Jim are just perfect. God bless you.
27082 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4206 Pam Oh. Thank you... but nobody's perfect.
27083 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4206 Mema Well... I wouldn't care to live if I thought that.
27084 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4207 Jim Mr. Beesly. How are ya?
27085 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4207 Mr. Beesly I'd like you to meet Christy Kelly.
27086 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4207 Jim Oh. Is this, uh, is this your niece?
27087 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4207 Mr. Beesly No no. She's my girlfriend. Hey? Can you make room at the head table?
27088 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4208 Dwight From quarter three to quarter four up 17 percent, while his sales down two percent. It's all in the report.
27089 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4208 Little Girl Why would they make the bad man a boss if you're so much smarter?
27090 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4208 Dwight Excellent question. Because while I was busy trying to improve the company and make it a success, Jim... the bad man was busy kissing the boss man's butt.
27091 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4208 Kids Ewwww!
27092 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4208 Dwight That's right. It is ew. It is very ew.
27093 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4209 Pam Oscar, Kevin, this is my sister, Penny. She's also my maid of honor.
27094 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4209 Oscar Pleased to meet you.
27095 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4209 Penny I'm sorry, it's Kevin. I thought it was Gil?
27096 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4209 Kevin She thought I was your boyfriend.
27097 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4209 Oscar You thought I was dating this? What the hell is wrong with you?
27098 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4209 Pam Oscar, it was an honest mistake.
27099 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4209 Oscar Him? Him?
27100 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4209 Kevin Oscar, I would be proud to date you.
27101 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4209 Penny I'm sorry.
27102 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4209 Kevin I'm not gay. I'm Kevin.
27103 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4209 Penny Nice to meet you, Kevin.
27104 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4209 Kevin Yes.
27105 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4209 Oscar You owe me and apology.
27106 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4209 Penny I'm so sorry.
27107 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4209 Kevin Are you seeing anyone right now?
27108 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4209 Pam She has a boyfriend. He's out of town.
27109 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4209 Kevin Cool.
27110 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4210 Ryan I was the youngest VP in the company history.
27111 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4210 Meredith More recently, he worked in a bowling alley. Tell her one of your funny bowling alley stories.
27112 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4210 Ryan Um... also--
27113 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4211 Andy How did Meredith get put at the young people's table?
27114 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4211 Kevin She probably switched cards with someone. Like I did with Erin.
27115 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4211 Andy What? You're kid-- That's-- You're--
27116 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4212 Isabel Jim and Pam, I can't tell you how happy I am to be here.
27117 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4212 Michael Head table, where I belong.
27118 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4212 Dwight It's just for family.
27119 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4212 Michael Well, who's that one?
27120 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4212 Dwight Isabel Poreba. Oh, I've got stuff on her. In 1996 her tenth grade volleyball team went 10-2.
27121 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4212 Michael What am I supposed to do with that, Dwight?
27122 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4212 Dwight That's a very good record.
27123 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4213 Pete Alright, so I'll be like, 'You're so sweet guys and so kind'.
27124 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4213 Tom Halpert That's when I'll do the face, like-
27125 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4213 Pete Like, 'What? What?'. And then we'll just give him a little punch in the back and--
27126 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4213 Tom Halpert A noogie?
27127 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4213 Pete You know what? Never too married for a noogie.
27128 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4214 Michael They have hilarious material and they are going to totally deliver it wrong. I would kill with the brother stuff. It should be me... up there. It should be me and Pete, not Pete and Tom.
27129 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Tom Halpert Pam, you've got the greatest smile and you're body is really fine.
27130 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Pete Smoking.
27131 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Tom Halpert Hoping it'll make our wives take it up a notch.
27132 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Pete A little mo' cardio.
27133 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Michael That's not appropriate. Hello. Hi, everybody. I promised I wasn't gonna make a toast and I'm not going to. Just going to do a little free standing comedy and if at the end everybody wants to raise their glasses to Pam and Jim, then so be it. Hey, what is the deal with the Smart Car? How smart is that? Those things are tiny. Can you even drive them in traffic? 'I'm so smart. E=mc... squared. I drive a Smart Car.' That's not smart in my book. The real smart car is Kitt from Knight Rider.
27134 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Dwight Knight Rider.
27135 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Michael That's a car that can talk. Can Smart Car talk? Nope.
27136 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Dwight No.
27137 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Michael That's not smart. And also, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
27138 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Dwight Very smart.
27139 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Michael And... you... everybody can laugh. It doesn't have to just be the idiots. Everybody can laugh.
27140 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Jim No.
27141 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Michael Yeah. Go ahead.
27142 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Jim Alright. Hey, everyone. Thanks for coming.
27143 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Pete Douche.
27144 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Jim Aw, thanks, Pete. That was really nice. I just want to say how happy we are that all of you are here tonight. And I want to especially thank those of you who traveled from far away to be here with us tonight... especially the Flordia cousins who, obviously, can't take a hint. Four years ago, I was just a guy who had a crush on a girl who had a boyfriend. And I had to do the hardest thing that I've ever had to do... which was just to wait. Uh, don't get me wrong. I flirted with her. Pam, I can now admit in front of my friends and family that I do know how to make a photo copy. Didn't need your help that many times. And do you remember how long it took you to teach me how to drive a stick?
27145 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Pam Like... a year.
27146 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Jim I've been driving stick since high school. So... yes. For a really long time that's all I had. I just had little moments with a girl who saw me as friend. And a lot of people told me I was crazy to wait this long for a date with a girl who I worked with, but I think even then I knew that... I was waiting for my wife. So... I would like to propose a toast. So if you'd all raise your glasses. Not Pam, for obvious reasons, but everyone else. If you would raise your glasses--
27147 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Mema What's obvious? Why can't Pam drink?
27148 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Jim Pam can't drink? I didn't-- I shouldn't have said that. I don't know why I did. She can do whatever she wants, though she shouldn't. She shouldn't because she's an alcoholic. Pam is an alcoholic. That's not true. I-- no. What we want-- the real reason is that, that Pam's pregnant.
27149 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Michael Ok. Ok. Hey. What I think Jim is trying to say is that... they had an accident and you know what? These two people, they're living together, they're having lots of consentual sex--
27150 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Mema They were living together?
27151 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Michael Yes. Yes they were living together. Yes and you know what? You can't expect them to be careful every time. Because, frankly, it's just a different sensation.
27152 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Jim Michael.
27153 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Michael When you c-- well? Am I wrong? They say it's not different, but it's a different sensation.
27154 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Jim Oh, my God. Please.
27155 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Michael When you use something to block-- I think everybody knows what I am talking about. It's not necessarily different for the woman--
27156 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Pam Michael.
27157 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Michael ...but it's different for the-- ok. Ok.
27158 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Pam Michael. Stop.
27159 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Michael Alright. My point is I said what I wanted to say and Mema, I hope you heard every word.
27160 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Jim Alright.
27161 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Michael Jim.
27162 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Jim To waiting.
27163 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4215 Everyone To waiting.
27164 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4216 Mema I should have known. The hotels television set had a movie on called "Bruno" last night. The remote control had so darn many buttons on it, I couldn't turn it off. So I had to just sit there while it happened to me. I wondered, 'How could they pick such a hotel?' Hmmm. Now I know.
27165 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4216 Pam Mema.
27166 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4217 Michael That was a little touch and go at first but I think we saved it.
27167 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4217 Jim I can't believe it was me.
27168 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4217 Michael I know. I can't believe it was you, either. I actually think it takes a lot of pressure off of me.
27169 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4217 Jim Is there something about being a manager that makes you say stupid things?
27170 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4217 Michael I have not found that to be the case.
27171 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4217 Pam Hey, smooth guys.
27172 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4217 Jim I'm so sorry.
27173 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4217 Michael Can you believe it? He screwed up, not me.
27174 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4217 Pam Mema's not coming to the wedding. She's leaving tomorrow morning.
27175 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4217 Jim Oh, my God. Are you serious?
27176 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4217 Michael There's gonna be a free room?
27177 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4218 Michael Hi, Mema. It's Michael.
27178 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4218 Mema Oh. You're that foul guy that kept talking about intercourse.
27179 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4218 Michael Yes. Yep. One in the same. May I?
27180 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4219 Michael I am actually great with old women. In fact, for the longest time, my best friend was my grandma... and then she met Harriet and now she thinks she's better than everybody.
27181 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4220 Mema I want to go to bed but I can't. I can't turn that television off.
27182 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4220 Michael Oh. Ok. Well... hook you up, there.
27183 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4220 Mema Oh. Thank you.
27184 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4220 Michael You're welcome.
27185 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4220 Mema It was that horrible Charlie Rose.
27186 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4220 Michael Oh. Isn't he terrible? May I? Here's the thing. Umm... Mema, I think you just need to chill out about this whole Pam getting pregnant thing. It's not 1890 anymore. It's modern day. And women have s*x before marriage and I think we need to celebrate that. And I know in your day she would be considered a whore but, now, women go out and they have s*x and they get wild and they take their tops off and they have pictures taken of them and we need to encouage them. That's part of life.
27187 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4220 Mema People are like cats and dogs these days.
27188 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4220 Michael Exactly.
27189 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4220 Mema This used to be such a great country.
27190 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4220 Michael I know.
27191 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4220 Mema I don't know what happened to it.
27192 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4220 Michael They're gonna name the baby after you, you know. They're gonna call it Mema.
27193 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4220 Mema You mean, Sylvia.
27194 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4220 Michael Yes, and if it's a boy they will call it Sylvio.
27195 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4221 Andy Partay. Room 639.
27196 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4221 Kevin Yes!
27197 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4221 Andy Chicks are gonna be off the hook. Guys, too, Oscar. Like Calvin Klein models.
27198 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4221 Kevin That sounds epic. Can we bring anything?
27199 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4221 Andy Nothing. Except $40 for beer and any hot chicks you know. 'Cause that would help me deliver on some promises I made. Woo!
27200 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4222 Andy No one from the office has been to a real Bernard throw down.
27201 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4223 Andy If I was girl, I would seriously reconsdier coming to this party. But don't tell anyone that I said that, 'cause I want them to come.
27202 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4224 Angela And where do you think you're going?
27203 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4224 Pam I was just going to go down to the hotel bar for a little bit.
27204 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4224 Angela Well, why don't I just save you some time and kick you in the stomach instead?
27205 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4224 Pam I just wanted to get out of my room for a little while.
27206 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4224 Angela Mmm-hmm. Ok. I'll go with you. Come on.
27207 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4224 Pam Nevermind.
27208 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4224 Angela Are you sure?
27209 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4224 Pam Yeah.
27210 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4224 Angela It'll be fun.
27211 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4224 Pam No.
27212 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4225 Michael What are you wearing?
27213 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4225 Dwight What? It's a casual, social outfit.
27214 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4225 Michael Looks like you're going to a fish fry, Dwight.
27215 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4225 Dwight No. They're howling at the moon. It's suggestive to women because of the howling during s*x.
27216 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4225 Michael Ok. That's not appropriate. Uncool. Uncool, Dwight. Ok. Ok. Come on. Let's go.
27217 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4226 Kevin It's a good idea.
27218 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4226 Oscar It's not a good idea. There's no such thing as a good hairpiece.
27219 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4226 Kevin Yeah. But that's easy enough for you to say, Oscar. You have that thick, beautiful, Chicano hair. So nice.
27220 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4227 Dwight I'm just worried about the farm, ya know? Mose hates to geld the horses by himself.
27221 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4227 Michael Dwight, Dwight. Shut up about the farm. It's not relatable. Nobody owns a farm.
27222 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4227 Isabel Wait. You're worried about your horses? That's cool. How many horses do you have?
27223 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4227 Dwight Nine and three-quarters.
27224 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4228 Dwight I invented a device called 'Burger on the Go'. It allows you to obtain 6 regular size hamburgers, or 12 sliders, from a horse without killing the animal. George Foreman is still considering it. Sharper Image is still considering it. Sky Mall's considering it. Hammacher Schlemer is still considering it. Sears said, 'No'.
27225 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4229 Michael Toy Story, Finding Nemo, Up. I ball the entire time. I can not watch Pixar.
27226 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4229 Dwight Michael.
27227 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4229 Michael Yes.
27228 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4229 Dwight Drop this one. Abort.
27229 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4229 Michael Why?
27230 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4229 Dwight I found twins.
27231 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4229 Michael Oh, my God. Twins. I'm sorry. You understand. Nice to meet you.
27232 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4230 Dwight Aren't they magnificent?
27233 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4230 Michael They're men, Dwight.
27234 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4230 Dwight I love finding a good set of twins.
27235 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4230 Michael Something is wrong with you.
27236 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4231 Erin Go Meredith. Nice moves.
27237 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4231 Andy You call that a robot? Try being more robotic, ok? Like this.
27238 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4231 Kelly Lame! What else you got, Andy?
27239 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4231 Andy How about a little bit of this.
27240 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4231 Erin Oh yeah. What else you got?
27241 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4231 Kevin What else you got?
27242 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4231 Andy Did someone change my name to Baskin Robbin? Because I feel like a banana split. Woo!
27243 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4231 Erin What else you got?
27244 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4232 Kevin It's gonna be fine. It's gonna be fine. Pam's here. Pam?
27245 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4232 Andy I was dancing and I did a split and I landed on my car keys in my pocket.
27246 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4232 Pam What?
27247 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4232 Andy I tore my scrotum. I need you to take me to the hospital.
27248 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4233 Pam Andy, I am getting married in 8 hours.
27249 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4233 Andy Everyone else is too drunk. Just don't let me die here.
27250 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4233 Pam Hey, hey! Where are you? Can you take Andy to the hospital?
27251 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4233 Jim What?
27252 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4233 Pam He tore his scrotum dancing.
27253 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4233 Jim What?
27254 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4233 Pam He is in my room icing his balls.
27255 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4233 Jim What?
27256 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4233 Pam Please stop saying what. Can you take him?
27257 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4233 Jim Look, I would so take him in any other circumstance, but I'm pretty certain I'm completely wasted.
27258 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4233 Pam Your brothers took you out drinking?
27259 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4233 Jim Uh...
27260 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4233 Michael Is that Pam? Hey, have her come out! Have her come out! It would be like Coyote Ugly.
27261 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4233 Pam That's Michael. You're out with Michael?
27262 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4233 Jim And Dwight.
27263 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4233 Dwight Hey-O!
27264 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4233 Jim Pam, it just happened.
27265 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4233 Pam Okay, fine. I'll take him.
27266 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4233 Jim I love you. Okay, I gotta--I gotta go!
27267 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4233 Michael I love you!
27268 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4233 Pam Are you pushing me off the phone?
27269 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4233 Jim No. Let's talk for a long time.
27270 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4233 Pam Goodbye.
27271 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4234 Michael Mmm! It's after midnight.
27272 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4234 Michael, Dwight You're married. He's married!
27273 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4234 Dwight Congratulations.
27274 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4234 Jim That's not how that works.
27275 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4234 Dwight Oh my goodness.
27276 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4234 Michael Oh my God. You're not going to be able to talk back.
27277 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4234 Dwight You'll have Pam to answer to.
27278 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4234 Michael She'll be sitting home saying, "Jim... take the baby to the zoo cause I want to sit at home and eat bon-bons." "And... and clip my toenails."
27279 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4234 Dwight "Jim... hey why don't you braid my hair. I want to watch TV."
27280 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4234 Michael Now you sound like Kermit.
27281 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4235 Andy Are you sure this is the right way?
27282 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4235 Pam Nope. I, like you, have never been here before.
27283 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4235 Andy Well, at least slow down a little bit because every little bump in the road is major pain on... my scrotum.
27284 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4235 Pam Look, I'm not the one who asked you to do a split when you've never done one before.
27285 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4235 Andy I was trying to liven things up a little bit. I was kinda doing your job so--
27286 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4235 Pam My job? My job is to get married in the morning. That's my job.
27287 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4235 Andy Well it's also to make sure that we have a great time at your stupid wedding, so--
27288 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4235 Andy Ow, ow!
27289 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4236 Andy I spent the night with the bride the night before the wedding. Ah yeah. She stepped on my hand on her way to the bathroom.
27290 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4236 Pam Andy, did I dream that you were crying through the night?
27291 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4236 Andy No. No that was real.
27292 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4237 Michael Why don't you take a picture. It'll last longer. God. Can't I get a little privacy?
27293 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4238 Hotel Employee Good morning. How can I help you?
27294 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4238 Kevin I left a pair of dress shoes in a bag outside my door last night to be cleaned at polished, but they haven't been returned yet.
27295 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4238 Hotel Employee You must be Mr. Malone. One moment please.
27296 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4238 Kevin Thank you.
27297 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4238 Hotel Employee Sir. It's the man with the shoes.
27298 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4238 Hotel Manager Mr. Malone. Your shoes are gone.
27299 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4238 Kevin They were stolen?
27300 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4238 Hotel Manager No. Destroyed.
27301 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4238 Kevin What?
27302 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4238 Hotel Manager The bag was opened by our shoe shine and the smell overcame him. I too smelled them and made the choice that they must be thrown away. Incinerated actually.
27303 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4238 Kevin But that was my only pair of shoes.
27304 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4238 Hotel Manager It became a safety issue, sir.
27305 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4238 Kevin Well... well damn-it.
27306 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4238 Hotel Employee I can offer you a complimentary breakfast.
27307 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4238 Kevin Okay.
27308 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4239 Dwight You have everything?
27309 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4239 Isabel Hmm-hmm.
27310 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4239 Dwight Cell phone? Charger?
27311 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4239 Isabel Yeah. So you sure you don't want breakfast? It's the most important meal of the day.
27312 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4239 Dwight It really is. I'm not hungry. I ate a whole bunch of sunflower seeds after you went to sleep. And besides, I wouldn't want to take you away from Pam on the morning of her wedding. She needs you Isabel.
27313 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4239 Isabel That's really sweet, Dwight. So I'll see you at the wedding?
27314 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4239 Dwight You know it.
27315 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4239 Isabel K.
27316 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4239 Dwight Okay, get out of here.
27317 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4239 Isabel Bye.
27318 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4239 Dwight Okay.
27319 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4239 Michael Hey, good morning. It's about damn time. I haven't gone to the bathroom in a day and a half. Oh my God, Dwight. This room is a pit.
27320 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4239 Dwight Really? I hadn't noticed. Too busy knocking boots.
27321 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4240 Michael How can you eat like that?
27322 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4240 Dwight I'm ravenous after a night of love making. You?
27323 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4240 Michael Yeah, I'm hungry, but I'm not going to make a pig out of myself.
27324 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4240 Dwight Hey, what was she like?
27325 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4240 Michael She was cute. You know? She was hot. She was very hot. She made love like a tiger.
27326 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4240 Dwight Brides side or grooms side? Or townie?
27327 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4240 Michael She was from Europe.
27328 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4240 Dwight No kidding.
27329 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4240 Michael Uh-huh.
27330 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4240 Dwight I bet she had hairy armpits.
27331 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4240 Michael No.
27332 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4240 Dwight Isabel was nice, but I hope she doesn't think this is going anywhere.
27333 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4240 Michael Wait a second. You're not into her? Are you kidding me?
27334 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4240 Dwight No.
27335 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4240 Michael She's Pam's best friend. You guys could double date. Swap maybe?
27336 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4240 Dwight Oh please. Put a gun in my mouth.
27337 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4240 Michael No... you're crazy.
27338 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4240 Dwight Look. She's a dental hygienist from Carbondale and she makes love like one. She's a bumpkin. Pass.
27339 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4240 Michael She's-- okay. Do you know how hard it is to be a hygienist? You have to take x-rays. You have to scrape the plaque off of people's teeth. You have to tell kids when to spit and make sure they're not scared when the dentist comes in. It-- it--
27340 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4240 Dwight You should ask her out.
27341 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4240 Michael I already have my European girlfriend.
27342 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4241 Stanley If your hat hits me in the face one more time--
27343 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4241 Phyllis That's funny. Your wife loved this hat the last time she saw it.
27344 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4242 Angela Oh my God.
27345 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4242 Oscar Oh...
27346 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4242 Kevin Oscar. Angela.
27347 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4243 Erin Are you in a lot of pain?
27348 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4243 Andy Oh cause of last night? No way. Reports have been exaggerated. Weddings make me very emotional. I um--I just have that side to me.
27349 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4243 Erin People say you cry all the time.
27350 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4243 Andy Well that's not--
27351 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4243 Meredith Crotch injuries are the worst. You don't need to tell me.
27352 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4243 Andy I wasn't telling you.
27353 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4243 Meredith Is there still something there?
27354 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4243 Andy Excuse me?
27355 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4243 Meredith It didn't get torn off?
27356 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4243 Andy No, it didn't--nothing got torn off. Who told you that?
27357 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4244 Jim I may have told some people that. I'm nervous. I'm about to get married.
27358 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4245 Erin If you want to sit on this-- I was thinking the wood might be too hard on your damaged pen1s. Make it softer.
27359 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4245 Andy It was my scrotum. Um, and it was. Thank you.
27360 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4245 Michael Oh, here we go. They asked for cash, but you know... I give them cash every week, so-- how much cash does a person need? I have taken it upon myself to do something a little more special. I have painted a portrait of the two of them from memory. And I have another one of them in the nude. But that one is for me.
27361 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4246 Dwight I got them a set of turtle boiling pots, a shell hammer and bibs.
27362 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4247 Penny Is it zipping over your belly? Don't squish the baby.
27363 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4247 Pam Thank you weirdo.
27364 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4247 Pam's mom everybody see Kristie's stupid blonde extensions? It's like they were made from a plastic broom.
27365 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4247 Pam Okay, here I come.
27366 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4247 Pam's mom Oh darling! You look beautiful.
27367 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4247 Pam Thanks mom.
27368 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4247 Pam's mom Oh, I hope he deserves you.
27369 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4247 Pam He does.
27370 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4247 Pam's mom Are you sure? Remember you don't have to do this. You don't.
27371 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4247 Penny Mom, you're totally projecting. You're being a drag.
27372 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4247 Pam Yes. Thank you, mom.
27373 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4247 Isabel Hey, I'm going to go outside and talk to Dwight.
27374 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4247 Pam Okay great. Yeah, I'll see you in a second. Wait, what? Oh! Oh no!
27375 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4248 Jim Hey!
27376 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4248 Pam Can you come here please?
27377 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4248 Jim Is this allowed?
27378 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4248 Pam No. No, but I'm allowing it. Just come here.
27379 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4249 Dwight That was an intelligent comment.
27380 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4249 Isabel Hello stranger. How do I look?
27381 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4249 Dwight Oh. Fine. Isabel, nice to see you. What do you want?
27382 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4249 Isabel Um... nothing. Anymore.
27383 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4249 Dwight So, uh tell me again the difference between Filene's and Filene's basement.
27384 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4249 Michael Hey, hey... He's not sitting with me either. Where are you sitting? You need a seat buddy?
27385 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4249 Isabel I'm standing. I'm a bridesmaid.
27386 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4249 Michael Oh, I wish I was a bridesmaid. Where am I gonna go?
27387 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4250 Pam Hey.
27388 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4250 Jim Wow. You look--
27389 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4250 Pam Terrible.
27390 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4250 Jim So beautiful. Hey--
27391 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4250 Pam My veil tore. I knew when we were getting married and I'm five months pregnant that I'm not going to be able to wear the dress that I always wanted or high heels--
27392 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4250 Jim Hey. You look just as I imagined you would. Pam, you're so pretty.
27393 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4250 Pam Thank you.
27394 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4250 Jim And who cares? It's a stupid veil, right?
27395 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4250 Pam No, this was the one thing I was supposed to be able to control, was this veil and--
27396 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4250 Jim There. Now we're even.
27397 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4250 Pam Everyone's driving me crazy. I know way too much about Andy's scrotum. And my mom won't stop freaking out about my dad's new girlfriend. This is supposed to be our wedding day. Why did we invite all these people?
27398 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4251 Phyllis I think Pam ran away because she knew deep down she wouldn't be a good wife.
27399 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4251 Angela Yes.
27400 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4252 Oscar What are you doing?
27401 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4252 Kevin I'm trying to decide if I have time to pee.
27402 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4252 Oscar How long do you take to pee?
27403 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4252 Kevin The peeing is fast, Oscar. It's getting my tie back on.
27404 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4253 Michael Hey. Hi. Do you--would you have a snack in your purse? You're a mom. I just figured you might have--
27405 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4253 Pam's mom Oh, yeah--
27406 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4253 Michael Oh! Eww... apricot. Do you have any of the Very Berry or Ocean Splash or--
27407 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4253 Pam's mom No.
27408 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4253 Michael Oh... okay. Were you saving it?
27409 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4253 Pam's mom Oh, no, no, no. That's okay. I was just--I've had a very rough weekend.
27410 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4253 Michael I'm sorry. Ugh. Apricot. Made of real apes.
27411 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4254 Erin Do you think they canceled the wedding?
27412 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4254 Angela Relax. You'll get your shot at Jim. Those two treat the whole office like a 1970's key party.
27413 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4255 Michael my weekend was bad so far.
27414 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4255 Pam's mom Oh--
27415 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4255 Michael I came here hoping to meet somebody. You know, as you do at weddings. End up going to sleep by the vending machine. It was loud, but it was warm.
27416 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4255 Pam's mom Oh that sounds awful.
27417 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4255 Michael And... and the love of my life is dating somebody else.
27418 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4255 Pam's mom Oh--
27419 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4255 Michael It is a terrible year for love.
27420 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4255 Pam's mom Yeah. Guess it is.
27421 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4255 Michael I'm thinking about having my sperm frozen.
27422 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4255 Tom Halpert Excuse me, are you Michael Scott?
27423 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4255 Michael Um, yeah.
27424 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4255 Tom Halpert Heard you might have a whoopee cushion on you.
27425 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4255 Pete Sisters in the can and we totally want to get her when she comes back.
27426 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4255 Michael Oh, wow. That sounds hilarious. I do actually. There you go. Use it in good health.
27427 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4255 Tom, Pete Yes!
27428 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4256 Meredith Whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. What is the etiquette on taking the gifts? Can you only take your own back or is it a whatever you can carry type of thing?
27429 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4256 Stanley Anyone have anything they want to trade for a toaster?
27430 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4256 Kevin Oh, oh, does it have slots for hot dogs?
27431 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4256 Stanley No.
27432 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4256 Kevin Who would want it?
27433 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4256 Oscar Guys, maybe we should wait a little more time before we start grabbing boxes.
27434 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4257 Dwight Toby.
27435 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4257 Toby What?
27436 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4257 Dwight I'd like to lodge a formal complaint against Jim for making us wait for over an hour.
27437 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4257 Dwight Crap. Come here you.
27438 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4257 Toby Well I guess this weddings not going to happen. I wonder if this is it for them.
27439 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4258 Pam's dad Hey. What happened?
27440 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4258 Ryan Where were you guys? Do you know how long I've been waiting here?
27441 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4258 Jim Well we are here now, so let's just--
27442 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4258 Michael Yes! Yes! I have so much joy... in my heart... right now. How do I look?
27443 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4258 Jim You look great.
27444 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4258 Pam You look great.
27445 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4259 Tom Halpert Wear a tie much?
27446 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4260 Penny I begged them not to.
27447 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4260 Pam Mm-hmm.
27448 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4260 Penny I know you specifically put this song on your Do Not Play list.
27449 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4260 Pam Yes I did.
27450 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4260 Penny I'm sorry.
27451 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4260 Pam Go ahead. I think it's your turn.
27452 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4260 Penny Wait, what happened? You're okay with this?
27453 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4260 Pam Yeah, I'm okay.
27454 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4260 Penny Okay then!
27455 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4260 Michael Hey Pam, did you see this? It was on You Tube.
27456 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4260 Pam Saw it.
27457 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4261 Jim I bought those boat tickets the day I saw that You Tube video. I knew we'd need a back-up plan. The boat was actually Plan C. The church was Plan B and Plan A was marrying her a long, long time ago. Pretty much the day I met her.
27458 6 4 Niagara (Parts 1&2) 4262 Kevin What an awesome party. The best wedding I've ever been too. I got six numbers. One more would have been a complete telephone number. This was epic. My Kleenex shoes were a huge conversation piece, but man my dogs are barking. Whoo. My feet were so sweaty I can't even feel the cold. What a lovely hotel.
27459 6 6 Mafia 4263 Michael The fundamentals of business. The funda-mentals of business. "Mental" is part of the word, I have underlined it. Because you're mental, if you don't have a good time. You have to enjoy it.
27460 6 6 Mafia 4263 Toby Well the "fun" is in it.
27461 6 6 Mafia 4263 Michael Get out.
27462 6 6 Mafia 4263 Toby Yeah, I know.
27463 6 6 Mafia 4263 Michael Yes. So, it all starts with a handshake. But you can't just go right to the selling, you need "small talk." What topics can you use for small talk?
27464 6 6 Mafia 4263 Andy Golf.
27465 6 6 Mafia 4263 Michael Mmhm.
27466 6 6 Mafia 4263 Andy Stock market.
27467 6 6 Mafia 4263 Michael Mmhm.
27468 6 6 Mafia 4263 Andy Dave Matthews.
27469 6 6 Mafia 4263 Michael Yes, what else?
27470 6 6 Mafia 4263 Creed Uh, small things. Peas, ball bearings, dimes...
27471 6 6 Mafia 4263 Michael No.
27472 6 6 Mafia 4263 Meredith The weekend!
27473 6 6 Mafia 4263 Michael Yeah! That's good! Come on up! Meredith, come up here. Let's do a little something. So Meredith and I have just started conversing and I will say, "So Meredith, how was your weekend, what did you do?"
27474 6 6 Mafia 4263 Meredith Well I caught my son taking a dump on the upper part of the toilet.
27475 6 6 Mafia 4263 Michael All right...
27476 6 6 Mafia 4263 Meredith He calls it an upper decker.
27477 6 6 Mafia 4263 Michael Okay, okay. God. What you people don't know about business, I could fill a book with.
27478 6 6 Mafia 4263 Ryan Then do it.
27479 6 6 Mafia 4263 Michael What?
27480 6 6 Mafia 4263 Ryan Write a book.
27481 6 6 Mafia 4264 Michael The fundamentals of business by Michael Scott. Over one billion sold. More than the Bible, I'm not surprised. Chapter one. The businessman...
27482 6 6 Mafia 4265 Erin Mr. Grotti, this is Michael Scott. He's the person you should talk to.
27483 6 6 Mafia 4265 Michael Oh hi. I'm sorry, just a sec. Erin, you're supposed to be the gatekeeper, do you have any idea how valuable my time is?
27484 6 6 Mafia 4265 Erin In your schedule it just says nine til noon is "creative space" and I thought this could be part of that.
27485 6 6 Mafia 4265 Michael Do you know how creative space works? Okay I just cancelled my afternoon.
27486 6 6 Mafia 4265 Erin You don't have anything in the afternoon. It just says "free play."
27487 6 6 Mafia 4265 Michael Push free play til tomorrow morning. Hi. Sorry. Crazy day. You're seeing how the sausage gets made.
27488 6 6 Mafia 4265 Grotti Ah.
27489 6 6 Mafia 4265 Michael Come in the conference room and I will show you a finished sausage.
27490 6 6 Mafia 4266 Grotti As a manager of business, you have a lot of pride.
27491 6 6 Mafia 4266 Michael Mmhm.
27492 6 6 Mafia 4266 Grotti But you also got a lot of responsibility
27493 6 6 Mafia 4266 Michael Yep.
27494 6 6 Mafia 4266 Grotti None greater perhaps, than your need to be sure, that your small or large business is secure in the event of a covered loss.
27495 6 6 Mafia 4266 Michael Okay.
27496 6 6 Mafia 4267 Michael There is nothing more insulting to a great salesman, than having to listen to a bad salesman. It's like a great basketball player having to listen to a bad basketball player.
27497 6 6 Mafia 4268 Kevin Jim's gone on his honeymoon. So I started borrowing his office to fart in. Then one day I came in and I just stayed. Cause this place is awesome. It feels like home now. Even better than my home. My home sucks.
27498 6 6 Mafia 4269 Andy What do you think?
27499 6 6 Mafia 4269 Dwight I think you're right. It definitely looks suspicious. And his southern Italian heritage raises some flags.
27500 6 6 Mafia 4269 Grotti God forbid you... should have a fire in the warehouse.
27501 6 6 Mafia 4269 Michael Oh yup. Yeah, definitely. All that paper burning up.
27502 6 6 Mafia 4269 Grotti Yeah, and a truck, goes off the side of the road, there's injury.
27503 6 6 Mafia 4269 Michael Mmhm, I hear you. The truck.
27504 6 6 Mafia 4269 Grotti You will be hearing from me Mr. Scott.
27505 6 6 Mafia 4269 Michael Okay, well.
27506 6 6 Mafia 4269 Grotti I can be very very persistent.
27507 6 6 Mafia 4269 Michael Do your worst.
27508 6 6 Mafia 4269 Michael Oh, great.
27509 6 6 Mafia 4269 Grotti Would you look at that people? What an unpredictable world we live in, huh?
27510 6 6 Mafia 4269 Michael Mmhm.
27511 6 6 Mafia 4270 Andy What happened in there?
27512 6 6 Mafia 4270 Michael Nothing, other than once again, I am just thankful that I am a paper salesman.
27513 6 6 Mafia 4270 Dwight Did he threaten you?
27514 6 6 Mafia 4270 Michael No Dwight, not everything is a threat.
27515 6 6 Mafia 4270 Andy Mobsters are!
27516 6 6 Mafia 4270 Michael There is no such things as monsters.
27517 6 6 Mafia 4270 Andy He drives an SUV!
27518 6 6 Mafia 4270 Dwight I knew it! More trunk space. Or should I say, corpse space.
27519 6 6 Mafia 4270 Oscar Hey guys, I drive a SUV, does that mean I'm in the mob?
27520 6 6 Mafia 4270 Dwight No, not that, by itself. But look at all the facts. He seems like a mobster.
27521 6 6 Mafia 4270 Michael Wait, when did we start talking about the mob? The guy was trying to sell me insurance.
27522 6 6 Mafia 4270 Andy All mobsters have a front, sometimes it's selling insurance, sometimes it's waste management or sanitation.
27523 6 6 Mafia 4270 Oscar For the record, not all Italian-Americans are in the Mafia.
27524 6 6 Mafia 4270 Michael I think, he just seemed like he was just trying to sell me insurance.
27525 6 6 Mafia 4270 Andy Yeah, buy my insurance or I'll burn your warehouse down!
27526 6 6 Mafia 4270 Dwight Exactly.
27527 6 6 Mafia 4270 Michael He did talk about a fire in the warehouse... and he also vaguely threatened me with testicular cancer.
27528 6 6 Mafia 4270 Oscar Uhh. All right, who else is here?
27529 6 6 Mafia 4271 Oscar Pam and Jim are on their honeymoon. So there's not the usual balance between "sane and others." Toby has mentally checked out since June. It's a very dangerous time. The "coalition for reason" is extremely weak.
27530 6 6 Mafia 4272 Toby Oscar says I checked out huh? Huh.
27531 6 6 Mafia 4273 Michael Hey, hey hey, calm down. Calm down. Calm down. Ryan, you lived in New York, what do you think?
27532 6 6 Mafia 4273 Ryan Well first of all, there is no such thing as 'The Mafia.'
27533 6 6 Mafia 4273 Michael Okay.
27534 6 6 Mafia 4273 Ryan What you have are specific families. What's the guy's last name?
27535 6 6 Mafia 4273 Michael Um it is, Grotti.
27536 6 6 Mafia 4273 Andy, Dwight Oh no. Fabulous.
27537 6 6 Mafia 4273 Oscar What? What?
27538 6 6 Mafia 4273 Andy It's John Gotti, you idiot!
27539 6 6 Mafia 4273 Oscar It's, it's a completely different name!
27540 6 6 Mafia 4273 Phyllis So he won't get caught!
27541 6 6 Mafia 4273 Andy Yeah. It's pretty close.
27542 6 6 Mafia 4273 Oscar No, what are you talking about, what mobster would change his name from Gotti to Grotti. It weakens it.
27543 6 6 Mafia 4273 Dwight No I disagree. "R" is among the most menacing of sounds. That's why they call it "murder." And not "muck-duck."
27544 6 6 Mafia 4273 Michael Okay too many different words coming at me from too many different sentences.
27545 6 6 Mafia 4273 Dwight Lock your door!
27546 6 6 Mafia 4273 Michael I'm not gonna lock my door.
27547 6 6 Mafia 4274 Jim Hello?
27548 6 6 Mafia 4274 Oscar Jim? It's Oscar. I'm so sorry to be calling you on your honeymoon.
27549 6 6 Mafia 4274 Jim Oscar! Uh, what is going on?
27550 6 6 Mafia 4274 Oscar It's Michael, he thinks he's being shaken down by the mob. I don't know how you usually handle this.
27551 6 6 Mafia 4274 Jim Look, We're in Puerto Rico, so-
27552 6 6 Mafia 4274 Pam Hey Oscar. It's Pam. Hey. We're on our honeymoon.
27553 6 6 Mafia 4274 Oscar Pam, I'm sorry--
27554 6 6 Mafia 4274 Pam Unless someone very close to us is in immediate physical danger, you should not be calling us.
27555 6 6 Mafia 4274 Oscar You're right. You're right. Oh, okay bye.
27556 6 6 Mafia 4275 Michael It's Grotti. He's following up.
27557 6 6 Mafia 4275 Andy Already? This, this guy is persistent!
27558 6 6 Mafia 4275 Michael "I feel that you will regret missing this great opportunity to be in business."
27559 6 6 Mafia 4275 Dwight That's bad.
27560 6 6 Mafia 4275 Michael Yeah.
27561 6 6 Mafia 4275 Dwight That's bad.
27562 6 6 Mafia 4275 Michael Yeah. What are my options here? Do I just ignore it, or?
27563 6 6 Mafia 4275 Andy Yeah right! You heard him! He's gonna burn down the warehouse or run one of our trucks off the road.
27564 6 6 Mafia 4275 Michael Okay, I'm calling the police.
27565 6 6 Mafia 4275 Andy That is the stupidest thing you could do right now!
27566 6 6 Mafia 4275 Dwight He's right. Cops can't do anything until a crime has been reported.
27567 6 6 Mafia 4275 Michael All right.
27568 6 6 Mafia 4275 Andy Not only that, but if they find out you snitched, you get a dead horses chopped off head in your bed!
27569 6 6 Mafia 4275 Michael Shh!
27570 6 6 Mafia 4275 Dwight You know what?
27571 6 6 Mafia 4275 Michael That's not gonna happen.
27572 6 6 Mafia 4275 Dwight That's an exaggeration.
27573 6 6 Mafia 4275 Andy That's how it works!
27574 6 6 Mafia 4275 Michael What am I supposed to do here?
27575 6 6 Mafia 4275 Andy When somebody threatens you, you give in right away. Okay you need to buy insurance from this guy and get him off your back
27576 6 6 Mafia 4275 Michael I was thinking exactly the same thing.
27577 6 6 Mafia 4275 Dwight No, criminals are like raccoons. Okay, you give 'em a taste of cat food pretty soon they'll be back for the whole cat.
27578 6 6 Mafia 4275 Andy Dwight...
27579 6 6 Mafia 4275 Dwight The only way to defeat a bully is to stand up to him. Trust me, I have bullied a lot of people.
27580 6 6 Mafia 4275 Michael I don't know, I don't know about that.
27581 6 6 Mafia 4275 Andy Wait let's hear him out, this is interesting.
27582 6 6 Mafia 4275 Dwight Here's what we do. We meet him in a public place. Ask him to lunch or something like that, some place he can't be openly violent.
27583 6 6 Mafia 4275 Andy Okay.
27584 6 6 Mafia 4275 Dwight Let him know you're not the typical kind of guy that he can shake down. That you're stubborn. That you might even be a little bit dangerous.
27585 6 6 Mafia 4275 Andy I like this plan. I'd like to officially withdraw my plan.
27586 6 6 Mafia 4275 Michael Hold on, hold on! Just-
27587 6 6 Mafia 4275 Andy No, no, no. My plan is out! We do this the hard way.
27588 6 6 Mafia 4275 Michael All right. I will meet with him, but I'm not going alone.
27589 6 6 Mafia 4275 Andy Well you're gonna have to. Dwight: We'll be right beside you.
27590 6 6 Mafia 4275 Andy What?
27591 6 6 Mafia 4276 Michael What are you wearing? Who's Pat?
27592 6 6 Mafia 4276 Andy Well if I'm gonna back you up, I need a weapon without drawing suspicion, and I have to justify it somehow so, I'm a mechanic with a tire thing.
27593 6 6 Mafia 4276 Dwight Do you know how to use it?
27594 6 6 Mafia 4276 Andy To change tires, no. But it's metal, I can hit somebody with it.
27595 6 6 Mafia 4276 Michael Let's go, come on. God!
27596 6 6 Mafia 4276 Andy Should I change?
27597 6 6 Mafia 4276 Dwight You're wearing loafers!
27598 6 6 Mafia 4276 Michael Forget it! Forget it!
27599 6 6 Mafia 4277 Michael Take that thing off the table! Please!
27600 6 6 Mafia 4277 Andy Well then I can't use it. I'm just gonna hide it.
27601 6 6 Mafia 4277 Dwight Hey. Bathroom checks out clean. Nothing behind the toilet except for this roach motel.
27602 6 6 Mafia 4277 Andy Oh! God!
27603 6 6 Mafia 4277 Michael Oh my God!
27604 6 6 Mafia 4277 Dwight You'll never kill it that way. You want to separate the head from the thorax-
27605 6 6 Mafia 4277 Michael Guys, guys. Cool it. There he is, there he is.
27606 6 6 Mafia 4278 Michael Hello.
27607 6 6 Mafia 4278 Grotti Mr. Scott.
27608 6 6 Mafia 4278 Michael Mr. Grotti we meet again. These are my associates.
27609 6 6 Mafia 4278 Grotti Hi. Angelo Grotti.
27610 6 6 Mafia 4278 Andy Hi.
27611 6 6 Mafia 4278 Dwight Hello.
27612 6 6 Mafia 4278 Grotti So, you got this table?
27613 6 6 Mafia 4278 Michael Yes.
27614 6 6 Mafia 4278 Grotti This is one of those half booths, can't-decide-what-it-is type of thing.
27615 6 6 Mafia 4278 Michael Well.
27616 6 6 Mafia 4278 Grotti Waitress, we're gonna sit over here.
27617 6 6 Mafia 4278 Waitress That's fine.
27618 6 6 Mafia 4278 Michael Okay.
27619 6 6 Mafia 4279 Kevin Hello.
27620 6 6 Mafia 4279 Credit card rep Hello Mr. Halpert. I'm calling from the identity theft department at Capital One. We've detected some unusual activity on your credit card.
27621 6 6 Mafia 4279 Kevin Oh man, do you think it was stolen?
27622 6 6 Mafia 4279 Rep First would you mind verifying your home address?
27623 6 6 Mafia 4279 Kevin Um, yes. Um, 383 Linden Ave., Scranton PA
27624 6 6 Mafia 4279 Rep And may I have the last four numbers of your Social Security Number?
27625 6 6 Mafia 4279 Kevin Six-six-five-zero.
27626 6 6 Mafia 4279 Rep Well Mr. Halpert. You're obviously not in San Juan Puerto Rico.
27627 6 6 Mafia 4279 Kevin Wait a minute. Yes I am.
27628 6 6 Mafia 4279 Rep I'm going to go ahead and put a hold on your card.
27629 6 6 Mafia 4279 Kevin No. That... I, I think that we should let the criminal use the card a little longer.
27630 6 6 Mafia 4279 Rep Very funny sir. We'll get a new card out to you right away.
27631 6 6 Mafia 4279 Kevin No-
27632 6 6 Mafia 4279 Rep Have a nice day, and thank you!
27633 6 6 Mafia 4279 Kevin Shoot.
27634 6 6 Mafia 4280 Grotti If you want to supplement your coverage, we can do that. If you want to replace your current coverage, all the better. Ah, you seem like a nice guy.
27635 6 6 Mafia 4280 Dwight Oh he's not that nice.
27636 6 6 Mafia 4280 Michael That's not true.
27637 6 6 Mafia 4280 Andy Hmm. Very true.
27638 6 6 Mafia 4280 Michael Okay shut up.
27639 6 6 Mafia 4280 Waitress Have you decided?
27640 6 6 Mafia 4280 Grotti Yeah, I'll have the linguini, red sauce on the side. If the sauce does not come on the side, I will send it back. I want garlic bread, toasted, not burnt. If it comes burnt, I will send it back.
27641 6 6 Mafia 4280 Waitress Okay then. And for you sir?
27642 6 6 Mafia 4280 Michael I will have the gabba-gool.
27643 6 6 Mafia 4280 Waitress The... what?
27644 6 6 Mafia 4280 Michael The gabba-gool.
27645 6 6 Mafia 4280 Waitress I don't really know what that is.
27646 6 6 Mafia 4280 Andy You know, gabba-gool.
27647 6 6 Mafia 4280 Michael I don't, I don't have to have that.
27648 6 6 Mafia 4280 Dwight What he's trying to say is, Gabba. Gool.
27649 6 6 Mafia 4280 Michael Guys, guys-
27650 6 6 Mafia 4280 Waitress I don't really think that we have that.
27651 6 6 Mafia 4280 Michael That's okay.
27652 6 6 Mafia 4280 Dwight Bring him the gabba-gool!
27653 6 6 Mafia 4280 Michael Shh. I will have the spaghetti, with a side salad.
27654 6 6 Mafia 4280 Waitress Okay.
27655 6 6 Mafia 4280 Michael If the salad is on top, I send it back.
27656 6 6 Mafia 4281 Oscar Why would you cancel Jim's credit cards?
27657 6 6 Mafia 4281 Kevin I usually can think quick on my feet, but they were so fast on the phone.
27658 6 6 Mafia 4281 Oscar This constitutes identity fraud.
27659 6 6 Mafia 4281 Kevin Oh God. I wouldn't last in jail Oscar. I'm not like you.
27660 6 6 Mafia 4281 Oscar What's that supposed to mean?
27661 6 6 Mafia 4281 Kevin Oh you don't know about jail? Oh you would love jail.
27662 6 6 Mafia 4281 Oscar Why would I love jail?
27663 6 6 Mafia 4281 Kevin Because... You would love it.
27664 6 6 Mafia 4282 Michael I don't think our company actually needs any more insurance. So I am out.
27665 6 6 Mafia 4282 Grotti Look closely Michael. I feel there's a plan here for you.
27666 6 6 Mafia 4282 Andy Maybe we have a plan for you?
27667 6 6 Mafia 4282 Grotti How about you? Maybe you can use supplemental coverage of some kind. Anybody can get hurt! You always think, it can't happen to you, and Think about it.
27668 6 6 Mafia 4282 Woman Excuse me. Sorry to bother you. Are you a mechanic?
27669 6 6 Mafia 4282 Andy Yeeeeah.
27670 6 6 Mafia 4282 Woman My battery is dead, I've got my kid, can you please help?
27671 6 6 Mafia 4282 Andy Yes I can.
27672 6 6 Mafia 4282 Michael No, no no, no. Come on. I'm sorry, we're having our salad.
27673 6 6 Mafia 4282 Grotti Come on! Lady in distress? Go! Go!
27674 6 6 Mafia 4282 Andy Okay!
27675 6 6 Mafia 4282 Woman Thank you so much, I really appreciate it.
27676 6 6 Mafia 4282 Michael Hey, do you need any help?
27677 6 6 Mafia 4282 Grotti I'm sure he can handle a simple jump-start. Now come on, sit down.
27678 6 6 Mafia 4282 Michael He's a good mechanic.
27679 6 6 Mafia 4282 Grotti Where were we?
27680 6 6 Mafia 4282 Michael I don't...
27681 6 6 Mafia 4282 Dwight He was trying to force you to decide on a policy.
27682 6 6 Mafia 4282 Michael Okay, okay okay.
27683 6 6 Mafia 4282 Dwight So we're choosing...
27684 6 6 Mafia 4282 Michael Yep, all right.
27685 6 6 Mafia 4282 Dwight Check out Dental?
27686 6 6 Mafia 4282 Michael Put it down.
27687 6 6 Mafia 4283 Andy Black goes on the red. With the... If we... Positive... Mo- it being a motor drive, it's probably down.
27688 6 6 Mafia 4283 Kid He seems bad at this.
27689 6 6 Mafia 4283 Andy You want to do this junior? I didn't think so. Sorry. It's kind of a long day at the... mechanic store. Aaaah! You got a leaky spark tube.
27690 6 6 Mafia 4283 Woman What?!?
27691 6 6 Mafia 4283 Andy So your car's totaled. Uh, you're just gonna want to get a refund on that. Or my guy could do it. He's great. But uh, I can't do that for you. I work exclusively on motorcycles.
27692 6 6 Mafia 4284 Grotti Now if you could just sign this letter of intent, I'll bring this back to my boss, and we can get this in motion. You okay, Pat?
27693 6 6 Mafia 4284 Andy Yeah. Just thinking about how, uh, I had this car, this Italian car, and I was driving it, and it kept telling me how much it needed oil, but I wouldn't give it any oil. And then, one day it exploded and it killed everyone and that's what I'm afraid of.
27694 6 6 Mafia 4284 Grotti Aren't you a mechanic? Why wouldn't you put oil in the car?
27695 6 6 Mafia 4284 Andy It was before, my tech- my technical training.
27696 6 6 Mafia 4284 Dwight Don't do it!
27697 6 6 Mafia 4284 Andy Do it.
27698 6 6 Mafia 4284 Dwight Don't.
27699 6 6 Mafia 4284 Andy Just do it.
27700 6 6 Mafia 4284 Michael Okay.
27701 6 6 Mafia 4284 Grotti Look Mike, I don't know what your friends are telling you, but you have to decide for yourself. Are these guys gonna take care of your things if you die tomorrow?
27702 6 6 Mafia 4284 Dwight Yes.
27703 6 6 Mafia 4284 Michael Okay.
27704 6 6 Mafia 4285 Dwight I don't understand, why would you buy a policy?
27705 6 6 Mafia 4285 Michael It's just the cost of a cup of coffee an hour.
27706 6 6 Mafia 4285 Andy You were man enough to back down Michael, I'm proud of you.
27707 6 6 Mafia 4285 Michael I had to make a snap decision Dwight.
27708 6 6 Mafia 4285 Dwight It wasn't a snap decision, you were sitting there for an hour.
27709 6 6 Mafia 4285 Michael It was a lot of snap decisions.
27710 6 6 Mafia 4285 Dwight Do you know what "snap decision" means?
27711 6 6 Mafia 4285 Michael Yes!
27712 6 6 Mafia 4285 Dwight It means like this.
27713 6 6 Mafia 4285 Michael Just get in the car.
27714 6 6 Mafia 4286 Jim Hello?
27715 6 6 Mafia 4286 Michael Jim?
27716 6 6 Mafia 4286 Jim Michael?
27717 6 6 Mafia 4286 Michael Oh thank God.
27718 6 6 Mafia 4286 Jim How did you get this number? Michael, we're on a catamaran.
27719 6 6 Mafia 4286 Michael It wasn't easy. I had to tell the hotel it was a medical emergency. I chose massive coronary, cause you told me that your Dad had a bad heart. Listen man, I, I got a problem, I think I'm in trouble with the mob. Or a major insurance carrier.
27720 6 6 Mafia 4286 Jim That sounds bad.
27721 6 6 Mafia 4286 Michael Yeah, I know and you usually can get out of stuff like this, so I'm turning to you my friend.
27722 6 6 Mafia 4286 Jim I'm gonna help you through it all right?
27723 6 6 Mafia 4286 Michael Okay!
27724 6 6 Mafia 4286 Jim All you're gonna need to and- it- and then go to--
27725 6 6 Mafia 4286 Michael Jim? Are you?
27726 6 6 Mafia 4286 Jim And then you'll be saved.
27727 6 6 Mafia 4286 Michael What? Wait, I didn't hear a thing you just said.
27728 6 6 Mafia 4286 Jim Just and then you'll be saved.
27729 6 6 Mafia 4286 Michael No! God! I missed, I missed the important part again!
27730 6 6 Mafia 4286 Jim A- ah--
27731 6 6 Mafia 4286 Michael No! Oh my God!
27732 6 6 Mafia 4286 Jim And you'll be saved.
27733 6 6 Mafia 4286 Michael No, Jim please, repeat what you're saying! I can't understand you!
27734 6 6 Mafia 4286 Jim I at the Bermuda Triangle. An- M- please don't call again.
27735 6 6 Mafia 4286 Michael Jim?!? Oh my God.
27736 6 6 Mafia 4287 Michael Hey uh, question for you. I recently purchased some insurance that I can't afford given my present salary. Is there anything accounting-wise I can do to sort of make it all go away?
27737 6 6 Mafia 4287 Oscar Accounting-wise, no. But phone-wise, just call up and cancel it.
27738 6 6 Mafia 4287 Michael Oh no. Um. What about this Cash For Clunkers thing?
27739 6 6 Mafia 4287 Oscar Just- no. No.
27740 6 6 Mafia 4287 Michael All right. Well, it was a thought. Thanks.
27741 6 6 Mafia 4288 Dwight We have let Michael down, and it's 85 percent your fault.
27742 6 6 Mafia 4288 Andy He's alive. So you're welcome.
27743 6 6 Mafia 4288 Dwight Not on the inside he's not. Look at his life! Broke! Living in fear! No friends, dead end job.
27744 6 6 Mafia 4288 Andy Yeah, some of that existed before.
27745 6 6 Mafia 4288 Dwight Not the living in fear, that's new.
27746 6 6 Mafia 4288 Andy You're right, that is new.
27747 6 6 Mafia 4288 Dwight Yes. He's got to stand up to this mafia guy.
27748 6 6 Mafia 4288 Andy Well I don't see that happening.
27749 6 6 Mafia 4288 Dwight Me neither. Not the way things are now. But what if Michael felt no fear toward the mafia guy?
27750 6 6 Mafia 4288 Andy Are you saying-
27751 6 6 Mafia 4288 Dwight Yeah...
27752 6 6 Mafia 4288 Andy That we surgically remove the fear center from Michael's brain?
27753 6 6 Mafia 4288 Dwight What is wrong with you? I am talking about convincing Michael that the guy's not mafia!
27754 6 6 Mafia 4288 Andy That seems a little far-fetched.
27755 6 6 Mafia 4288 Dwight Well more far-fetched than a mobster walking into a paper company for a low-level shakedown? And that happened.
27756 6 6 Mafia 4289 Dwight Michael. Incredible news. Grotti is clean.
27757 6 6 Mafia 4289 Michael No. He's not. He's just good. Nothing sticks to him. You still don't understand how this works.
27758 6 6 Mafia 4289 Andy No, Michael. What we're trying to say is, we made a mistake assuming he was mafia. I have a buddy who's a Fed, and we did a background check on the guy. His background is perfectly clean.
27759 6 6 Mafia 4289 Dwight It's true, he's clean. I have a couple of friends still on the force. Checked with them. Ran his Fed friend up the flagpole to make sure he wasn't on the take. Turns out he's a totally lovely guy. Sweetest guy on the force really.
27760 6 6 Mafia 4289 Andy Class act. Boy scout.
27761 6 6 Mafia 4289 Michael But Grotti acts like he's mafia though.
27762 6 6 Mafia 4289 Andy He's trying to intimidate you to close sales. He's just a pushy salesman.
27763 6 6 Mafia 4289 Dwight And he made us all look like chumps!
27764 6 6 Mafia 4290 Michael If there is one thing I hate more than the mafia it is a liar. I wish the mafia would go out and kill all the liars. Bury them in my yard. And I wouldn't tell the cops a thing. Not that I would be lying per se. But I would just get really quiet, all of a sudden.
27765 6 6 Mafia 4291 Grotti This is Grotti.
27766 6 6 Mafia 4291 Michael This is Scott.
27767 6 6 Mafia 4291 Grotti Oh! Great. Michael, I'm finishing up your paperwork right now.
27768 6 6 Mafia 4291 Michael Oh really? Is that supposed to scare me?
27769 6 6 Mafia 4291 Grotti I, I thought you'd be pleased.
27770 6 6 Mafia 4291 Michael Well you thought wrong. Because I am not pleased. I'm actually kind of PO'd.
27771 6 6 Mafia 4291 Grotti What?
27772 6 6 Mafia 4291 Michael I think you know exactly why, because you were trying to scare me into buying insurance.
27773 6 6 Mafia 4291 Grotti I don't get it. How was I scaring you?
27774 6 6 Mafia 4291 Michael I think you knew exactly what you were doing. And frankly I think you were being a total and utter jerk.
27775 6 6 Mafia 4291 Andy Whoa. Okay.
27776 6 6 Mafia 4291 Michael You suck!
27777 6 6 Mafia 4291 Dwight Okay that's-
27778 6 6 Mafia 4291 Michael And I'm not gonna buy your stupid insurance.
27779 6 6 Mafia 4291 Dwight That's good, let's wrap it up.
27780 6 6 Mafia 4291 Michael How about that? The only person that actually needs insurance is you, if you show your face around here again, got it?
27781 6 6 Mafia 4291 Grotti Look, Michael, when we all calm down here, maybe at some point in the future, you change your mind, why don't you give me a call?
27782 6 6 Mafia 4291 Michael Doubt it.
27783 6 6 Mafia 4291 Dwight Oh man.
27784 6 6 Mafia 4291 Michael What a tool. What?
27785 6 6 Mafia 4291 Andy Next time you look in the mirror, you're gonna be looking at a guy who stood down the mafia!
27786 6 6 Mafia 4291 Michael No. What do you mean?
27787 6 6 Mafia 4291 Dwight We just told you he wasn't mafia, so you wouldn't be scared.
27788 6 6 Mafia 4291 Michael What?
27789 6 6 Mafia 4291 Dwight You successfully backed down the mob!
27790 6 6 Mafia 4291 Andy You made the mafia apologize to you! You made the mafia be polite!
27791 6 6 Mafia 4291 Michael Oh man. I should be mad at you guys. But I'm not.
27792 6 6 Mafia 4292 Michael So I looked him in the eye and I said, "Not today Grotti, Not today. And not tomorrow, and not the next day. Or the day after that. And you can tell all your friends that if I see them, then they're already dead." I said something like that.
27793 6 6 Mafia 4292 Dwight Very close.
27794 6 6 Mafia 4292 Oscar Just to be clear, he backed down an insurance agent from Mutual of Harrisburg.
27795 6 6 Mafia 4292 Michael Erin?
27796 6 6 Mafia 4292 Erin Yes?
27797 6 6 Mafia 4292 Michael Coffee?
27798 6 6 Mafia 4292 Erin Okay.
27799 6 6 Mafia 4292 Michael Not from the kitchen. Stop and Shop. If it's not Stop and Shop, I send it back.
27800 6 6 Mafia 4292 Erin Okay.
27801 6 6 Mafia 4292 Michael Large. If it's a medium I send it back. If it's an extra large I send it back.
27802 6 6 Mafia 4292 Erin How do you return coffee?
27803 6 6 Mafia 4292 Michael Go. Any questions?
27804 6 6 Mafia 4293 Pam Are you kidding me?
27805 6 6 Mafia 4293 Kevin Hi Pam, is Jim there?
27806 6 6 Mafia 4293 Pam Listen our credit card has been cancelled and we have to deal with that, and I really can't handle the fact that you're calling us here!
27807 6 6 Mafia 4293 Kevin Okay, that sounds good. Um, I'll let you go, just -tell Jim, that I said hi.
27808 6 6 Mafia 4293 Pam Oh I will. I will Kevin. I will make that my top priority.
27809 6 6 Mafia 4293 Kevin Cool. Okay. Bye.
27810 6 6 Mafia 4294 Kevin They have no idea what happened.
27811 6 7 The Lover 4295 Erin They're back!
27812 6 7 The Lover 4295 Kevin Oooh yeah... Jim and Pam!
27813 6 7 The Lover 4295 Kelly How was Puerto Rico? Was it so romantic?
27814 6 7 The Lover 4295 Jim It was.
27815 6 7 The Lover 4295 Pam It really was.
27816 6 7 The Lover 4295 Jim Really was.
27817 6 7 The Lover 4295 Kelly I'm so happy for you...
27818 6 7 The Lover 4296 Jim Puerto Rico was awesome.
27819 6 7 The Lover 4296 Pam Oh my gosh. The honeymoon was great. We met this other couple at the resort, Frank and Benny. We hung out with them a lot.
27820 6 7 The Lover 4296 Jim Frank and Beans. Always makes her laugh.
27821 6 7 The Lover 4296 Pam Frank and beans!
27822 6 7 The Lover 4297 Michael Is there someone there? Who is there? I hear voices, is somebody there?
27823 6 7 The Lover 4297 Dwight Yeah!
27824 6 7 The Lover 4297 Michael Is someone there? I can't see you because I'm blind.
27825 6 7 The Lover 4297 Dwight Its Jim and Pam, Michael.
27826 6 7 The Lover 4297 Michael It is?
27827 6 7 The Lover 4297 Dwight Yeah...
27828 6 7 The Lover 4297 Michael They're back? Oh! Oh! Oh, Pam!
27829 6 7 The Lover 4297 Jim Nope.
27830 6 7 The Lover 4297 Michael And oh, Jim...
27831 6 7 The Lover 4297 Pam Hi, Michael.
27832 6 7 The Lover 4297 Michael Oh, I haven't see you since my accident that I had when I fell- I fell into the pool of acid, eyes first. Blind guy.
27833 6 7 The Lover 4298 Michael Blind-guy McSqueezy. How do I describe it? It is a character I've been workshopping whose lack of vision gets him into all sorts of trouble. The women in my improve class absolutely hate him.
27834 6 7 The Lover 4299 Meredith So what'd you bring us?
27835 6 7 The Lover 4299 Pam Some candy.
27836 6 7 The Lover 4299 Meredith What else?
27837 6 7 The Lover 4299 Pam That's it.
27838 6 7 The Lover 4299 Meredith Oh, 'cause you spent so much on the wedding.
27839 6 7 The Lover 4299 Pam It's good to be home.
27840 6 7 The Lover 4300 Dwight This conversation has two items on the agenda.
27841 6 7 The Lover 4300 Jim Do we have a conversation scheduled?
27842 6 7 The Lover 4300 Dwight Number one, do not leave your things on my desk. It's not some kind of personal pen receptacle for you. I don't care how high they promote you, which brings me to item number two... I never formally congratulated you on your promotion, so I'd just like to say... con-quack-ulations!
27843 6 7 The Lover 4300 Jim Wow, that's... really thoughtful of you, Dwight, thank you.
27844 6 7 The Lover 4300 Dwight You're welcome!
27845 6 7 The Lover 4301 Dwight I inserted a listening device into the belly of the mallard. Now I can observe Jim, trap Jim, and destroy Jim, just like in the Bavarian fairy tale. Only this time, the mallard skins the toad alive. And of course in this version you lose the whole veiled critique of the Kaiser thing.
27846 6 7 The Lover 4302 Dwight I'm sorry to have been bugging you all these years.
27847 6 7 The Lover 4302 Jim It's a real handsome duck.
27848 6 7 The Lover 4302 Dwight Mallard. Okay, I'll get out of your hair.
27849 6 7 The Lover 4303 Pam Hey!
27850 6 7 The Lover 4303 Erin Hi!
27851 6 7 The Lover 4303 Pam Uh, we brought back some Puerto Rican candy.
27852 6 7 The Lover 4303 Erin Coco Leche! That's my favorite!
27853 6 7 The Lover 4303 Pam Awesome! I'll leave it up here so everyone can enjoy it.
27854 6 7 The Lover 4303 Erin Oh, um, let me just check with Michael first.
27855 6 7 The Lover 4303 Pam I think it'll be okay.
27856 6 7 The Lover 4303 Erin I think it will too, but I'll just check with him, though.
27857 6 7 The Lover 4303 Pam Great.
27858 6 7 The Lover 4303 Erin Oops, sorry. Oops.
27859 6 7 The Lover 4304 Michael I have recently taken a lover.
27860 6 7 The Lover 4304 Jim Well, that's great. Congratulations. Who's the lucky lady?
27861 6 7 The Lover 4304 Michael Pam's mom.
27862 6 7 The Lover 4304 Jim What?
27863 6 7 The Lover 4304 Michael Pam's mom, Helene. Remember from your wedding?
27864 6 7 The Lover 4304 Jim You're messing with me.
27865 6 7 The Lover 4304 Michael About what?
27866 6 7 The Lover 4304 Jim You did not have s*x with Pam's mom.
27867 6 7 The Lover 4304 Michael Oh, big time.
27868 6 7 The Lover 4304 Jim What kind of car does she drive?
27869 6 7 The Lover 4304 Michael She drives a green camry.
27870 6 7 The Lover 4304 Michael And the seats go all the way down. All the way down.
27871 6 7 The Lover 4304 Jim Oh my God. Oh my God.
27872 6 7 The Lover 4304 Michael What?
27873 6 7 The Lover 4304 Jim Okay, never tell Pam, and secondly-
27874 6 7 The Lover 4304 Michael Okay, good, a pact. A pact. Although I may have to break it tonight when Helene and I tell Pam over dinner. You alright?
27875 6 7 The Lover 4304 Jim Oh my God.
27876 6 7 The Lover 4304 Toby Hey, Jim.
27877 6 7 The Lover 4304 Jim Not now, Toby, my God!
27878 6 7 The Lover 4304 Toby Oh, Jesus!
27879 6 7 The Lover 4304 Michael Get the hell out of here, idiot.
27880 6 7 The Lover 4304 Toby What did I do?
27881 6 7 The Lover 4304 Jim Okay, as far as dinner tonight, cancel that, and please, for both our sakes, never, ever, ever see her again.
27882 6 7 The Lover 4304 Michael I think you're underestimating Pam. I think more than anything, she wants me to be happy.
27883 6 7 The Lover 4304 Jim No, not more than anything.
27884 6 7 The Lover 4304 Michael Okay, I have a good thing with the mom-
27885 6 7 The Lover 4304 Jim Don't call her "the mom."
27886 6 7 The Lover 4304 Michael She's right on my way home from work.
27887 6 7 The Lover 4304 Jim Then take a different way home, man!
27888 6 7 The Lover 4304 Michael I di- alright, I'll take surface streets, its- the last thing in the world I would want to do is upset Pam.
27889 6 7 The Lover 4304 Jim Okay, so we're good.
27890 6 7 The Lover 4304 Michael Yeah.
27891 6 7 The Lover 4305 Michael Can you change my dinner reservations from four people to two?
27892 6 7 The Lover 4305 Erin Sure. Oh, is it okay if I put out some candy that Pam brought back from Puerto Rico?
27893 6 7 The Lover 4305 Michael Sure. Thanks for asking.
27894 6 7 The Lover 4305 Erin Pam, we're all set. Yum.
27895 6 7 The Lover 4306 Jim Frank and beans!
27896 6 7 The Lover 4306 Pam Frank and beans! So what'd we decide for Michael, the bottle of rum, or the seashell alarm clock?
27897 6 7 The Lover 4306 Jim You know what? Can I have the weekend to decide?
27898 6 7 The Lover 4306 Pam Bottle of rum it is. Alright, shall we?
27899 6 7 The Lover 4306 Jim You know what, I am really slammed, trying to catch up on everything here and I know that Michael's slammed too. So, maybe we should do this when things are a little less crazy.
27900 6 7 The Lover 4306 Pam Come on, it'll take two seconds.
27901 6 7 The Lover 4306 Jim No, it-
27902 6 7 The Lover 4307 Michael Oh, wow.
27903 6 7 The Lover 4307 Michael That is amazing. I feel like a real Puerto Rican.
27904 6 7 The Lover 4307 Erin Michael, you're all set at Botticelli's. I changed the reservation to two people.
27905 6 7 The Lover 4307 Michael Erin, look.
27906 6 7 The Lover 4307 Erin Fun!
27907 6 7 The Lover 4307 Michael Yeah.
27908 6 7 The Lover 4307 Pam Wow, Botticelli's, that sounds like a special occasion.
27909 6 7 The Lover 4307 Michael Yeah, no, it's nobody.
27910 6 7 The Lover 4307 Pam I don't know. I think Michael has a date.
27911 6 7 The Lover 4307 Michael Hmm... no.
27912 6 7 The Lover 4307 Pam I think you have a date.
27913 6 7 The Lover 4307 Michael I don't.
27914 6 7 The Lover 4307 Pam Come on.
27915 6 7 The Lover 4307 Jim Uh, I think we should just drop it... 'cause obviously he doesn't want to talk about it.
27916 6 7 The Lover 4307 Michael I don't deserve this, guys.
27917 6 7 The Lover 4307 Jim Yes, you do.
27918 6 7 The Lover 4307 Michael No, I don't.
27919 6 7 The Lover 4307 Jim Just take the parrot.
27920 6 7 The Lover 4307 Jim Okay, back to the old grind.
27921 6 7 The Lover 4307 Michael I was probably going to break up with her anyway.
27922 6 7 The Lover 4307 Pam Oh, that's too bad.
27923 6 7 The Lover 4307 Jim Don't-
27924 6 7 The Lover 4307 Michael Pam, it is very complicated. There are a lot of moving parts here.
27925 6 7 The Lover 4307 Jim Sounds complicated.
27926 6 7 The Lover 4307 Michael It is.
27927 6 7 The Lover 4307 Pam Yeah, but I mean, if you really like this person, then you should see where it goes.
27928 6 7 The Lover 4307 Michael You want me to be happy?
27929 6 7 The Lover 4307 Pam Of course.
27930 6 7 The Lover 4307 Michael Part of the problem is, she is the mother of a close friend of mine.
27931 6 7 The Lover 4307 Pam Oh.
27932 6 7 The Lover 4307 Michael More than a friend, a co-worker.
27933 6 7 The Lover 4307 Pam Oh! Gossip, who is it? Who is it? Who is it, Michael? ...Who?
27934 6 7 The Lover 4307 Michael It's okay.
27935 6 7 The Lover 4307 Pam No, no, no, no, no. Oh, no. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Nooooo!
27936 6 7 The Lover 4308 Michael That could have gone one of two ways, but I never expected her to get upset.
27937 6 7 The Lover 4309 Dwight You seem tense. Hey, you want me to give you the chills?
27938 6 7 The Lover 4309 Michael Okay.
27939 6 7 The Lover 4309 Dwight There's an egg on your head and the yolk is running down, the yolk is running down...
27940 6 7 The Lover 4309 Michael Feels good.
27941 6 7 The Lover 4309 Dwight There's a knife in your back and the blood is gushing down...
27942 6 7 The Lover 4309 Michael I'm sleeping with Pam's mom. Sometimes, dinner.
27943 6 7 The Lover 4309 Dwight ...the blood is gushing down, the blood is gushing down... You know, I really would have appreciated a heads-up that you were into dating mothers. I would have introduced you to mine.
27944 6 7 The Lover 4310 Pam How could you do this to me? He's my boss! How many times have I complained about him to you? No, I am not being dramatic, you are being crazy!
27945 6 7 The Lover 4310 Jim Who wants a hot chocolate?
27946 6 7 The Lover 4310 Pam Thank you.
27947 6 7 The Lover 4310 Jim Oh, so Dwight gave me this wooden mallard as a gift, and I found a recording device in it. Yes. So, I think if I played it just right I can get Dwight to play out the plot of National Treasure.
27948 6 7 The Lover 4310 Pam You need to be more upset about this. She's your mother too now. Your mother is sleeping with Michael Scott.
27949 6 7 The Lover 4311 Jim Andy, can I talk to you for a second?
27950 6 7 The Lover 4311 Andy Sure thing, Tuna Boss.
27951 6 7 The Lover 4312 Andy How may I be of service to you?
27952 6 7 The Lover 4312 Jim I am gonna need your advice I was thinking about getting this opera for Dwight's birthday, what do you think?
27953 6 7 The Lover 4312 Andy This aurea is a joke.
27954 6 7 The Lover 4312 Jim Really?
27955 6 7 The Lover 4312 Andy What are you thinking?
27956 6 7 The Lover 4312 Jim I was gonna go with this one.
27957 6 7 The Lover 4312 Andy Let me tell you something, if you respect him at all, you will get him something better.
27958 6 7 The Lover 4312 Dwight The Nard Dog... what was that all about?
27959 6 7 The Lover 4312 Andy I know, right?
27960 6 7 The Lover 4312 Dwight What were you talking about in there?
27961 6 7 The Lover 4312 Andy Trust me it would only make you mad.
27962 6 7 The Lover 4313 Michael Due to a certain recent incident, corporate has asked all the branches to come up with ideas as to how we can better communicate with our communities.
27963 6 7 The Lover 4313 Andy Is this because of the 60 Minutes segment about working conditions in our Peruvian paper mill?
27964 6 7 The Lover 4313 Michael That was a hit job. If you read the Dunder Mifflin press release it clearly states that they had absolutely nothing to do with that particular cancer cluster. So if there is a lesson to be learned here and I'm not sure that there is, it is that in order to help our communities, we need to put other people's needs ahead of our own.
27965 6 7 The Lover 4313 Pam Haha! Ha ha ha.
27966 6 7 The Lover 4313 Jim And whoever comes up with the best idea gets a $50 gift certificate to the restaurant of his or her choice.
27967 6 7 The Lover 4313 Michael Who wants to help the world one step at a time? Alright, good.
27968 6 7 The Lover 4313 Dwight Volunteerism is important. Every weekend I volunteer at the local animal shelter and they need a lot of help down there. Last Sunday I had to put down over 150 pets all by myself.
27969 6 7 The Lover 4313 Michael Alright, that's...
27970 6 7 The Lover 4313 Meredith Paint a mural of Chicano leaders.
27971 6 7 The Lover 4313 Michael Alright...
27972 6 7 The Lover 4313 Pam I have a way to make Scranton a better place, you could leave it.
27973 6 7 The Lover 4313 Michael Okay, I'm out of here, see you later guys...
27974 6 7 The Lover 4313 Various Get out and stay out, bye...
27975 6 7 The Lover 4313 Michael Ok, oh no here's an idea... conservation...
27976 6 7 The Lover 4313 Pam I love it, conservation. Let's start by conserving our time and stop having these stupid meetings. No more meetings! No more meetings! No more meetings! No more meetings!
27977 6 7 The Lover 4313 Michael Anybody else? Who else has an idea?
27978 6 7 The Lover 4313 Angela I have some ideas about conservation...
27979 6 7 The Lover 4313 Jim Yes! Angela! Please...
27980 6 7 The Lover 4313 Michael Can you hold down the fort? Hey boo!
27981 6 7 The Lover 4313 Angela Thank you. Sure well first of all I think that we could totally...
27982 6 7 The Lover 4313 Michael What's it... why are you crying?
27983 6 7 The Lover 4313 Jim Yes! I think we should look into that. If you could just speak up louder...
27984 6 7 The Lover 4313 Kevin Shhhh...
27985 6 7 The Lover 4313 Angela Well, for our profit...
27986 6 7 The Lover 4313 Kevin Shhh...
27987 6 7 The Lover 4313 Michael No, no, no, I'll talk to her. I will... No... nobody talks to my baby that way... uh ah... yeah, I'll let you know how it goes. Alright, by pickle.
27988 6 7 The Lover 4313 Kevin Who's pickle?
27989 6 7 The Lover 4313 Michael Pamela Morgan Beesly, you need to apologize to your mother right now.
27990 6 7 The Lover 4313 Angela I'm sorry, I was told I had the floor.
27991 6 7 The Lover 4313 Jim Yes.
27992 6 7 The Lover 4313 Oscar Hold on, hold on, what's going on?
27993 6 7 The Lover 4313 Jim Nothing... nothing at all... it's all good!
27994 6 7 The Lover 4313 Pam I'm not apologizing to anyone. Michael owes me an apology.
27995 6 7 The Lover 4313 Michael For trying to find happiness in the arms of a lover?
27996 6 7 The Lover 4313 Pam Don't call my mother your lover.
27997 6 7 The Lover 4313 Kevin Yes! That's what I'm talking about.
27998 6 7 The Lover 4313 Andy That is not okay dude.
27999 6 7 The Lover 4313 Michael Alright, in my defense...
28000 6 7 The Lover 4313 Phyllis Disgusting...
28001 6 7 The Lover 4313 Creed She's messed up man...
28002 6 7 The Lover 4313 Pam Yes! Thank you, welcome to my personal hell!
28003 6 7 The Lover 4313 Oscar You have no sense of boundaries Michael.
28004 6 7 The Lover 4313 Michael Shut up Oscar. Hey, alright, you know what, clearly I'm outnumbered here, but can I just say one thing, please? What is so wrong about me? I'm caring, I'm generous, I'm sensual. Is it really so horrible that I could possibly go out and find happiness.
28005 6 7 The Lover 4313 Phyllis Good luck Michael, I hope you find what you're looking for.
28006 6 7 The Lover 4313 Oscar Maybe you're right, who are we to...
28007 6 7 The Lover 4313 Pam Shut up Oscar. What is wrong with all of you, he is sleeping with my mother!
28008 6 7 The Lover 4313 Dwight I don't think there's a whole lot of sleeping going on.
28009 6 7 The Lover 4313 Michael Let's get back to the matter at hand.
28010 6 7 The Lover 4313 Pam Whatever, you know, sleep with my mom, sleep with everybody's mom...
28011 6 7 The Lover 4313 Michael No, no, no... no, no...
28012 6 7 The Lover 4313 Ryan Whoa, that's my mother you're talking about...
28013 6 7 The Lover 4313 Michael I don't like the tone here... this is a place of business, you are to listen to others, you are to give others respect, and you are to keep your personal issues out of it.
28014 6 7 The Lover 4313 Pam Uhh, huh, ho... oooh my God, you are ridiculous!
28015 6 7 The Lover 4313 Michael Do not talk to me that way! I am your boss and I may someday be your father, so get out.
28016 6 7 The Lover 4313 Pam You are never going to be my father, you get out!
28017 6 7 The Lover 4313 Michael I hope that you are willing to die in this office, because I am...
28018 6 7 The Lover 4313 Pam Me too...
28019 6 7 The Lover 4314 Pam Hey.
28020 6 7 The Lover 4314 Oscar Hey.
28021 6 7 The Lover 4314 Angela Pam, how's your day going?
28022 6 7 The Lover 4314 Oscar Pam, just for the record, I think you're overreacting a little bit, your mom's old enough to make her own decisions.
28023 6 7 The Lover 4314 Pam Oh, well, thanks Oscar. I was just wondering how would you feel if Michael was sleeping with your mom?
28024 6 7 The Lover 4314 Oscar My mother's in a wheelchair.
28025 6 7 The Lover 4314 Pam Well, he could still... I'm sorry about that... Oh could I just get you to sign this second page.
28026 6 7 The Lover 4315 Kelly Ryan, I have to ask you a personal question. Do you think that I should get a Fedora?
28027 6 7 The Lover 4315 Ryan Ahh, I don't think so, no...
28028 6 7 The Lover 4315 Kelly Well, I think I'd look really hot in one. Where'd you get your fedora?
28029 6 7 The Lover 4315 Ryan I'd rather not say.
28030 6 7 The Lover 4315 Kelly I think I'm gonna get the same fedora as you.
28031 6 7 The Lover 4315 Erin Hi Dwight!
28032 6 7 The Lover 4315 Dwight Shh!
28033 6 7 The Lover 4315 Ryan ...it should go with the persona you already have.
28034 6 7 The Lover 4315 Kelly Well, I think I have that persona.
28035 6 7 The Lover 4315 Dwight Where did you get that mallard?
28036 6 7 The Lover 4315 Kelly What the hell is a mallard?
28037 6 7 The Lover 4315 Dwight That!
28038 6 7 The Lover 4315 Kelly Oh, Professor Damien D. Duck, Jim gave him to me.
28039 6 7 The Lover 4315 Dwight Okay, I gave that to him that as a gift, I'm taking that back.
28040 6 7 The Lover 4315 Kelly If you take it back, I'll scream.
28041 6 7 The Lover 4315 Dwight I'll give you five bucks for it.
28042 6 7 The Lover 4315 Ryan Twenty.
28043 6 7 The Lover 4315 Dwight Ten.
28044 6 7 The Lover 4315 Ryan Deal.
28045 6 7 The Lover 4315 Kelly You're so cool.
28046 6 7 The Lover 4315 Ryan This reminds me, you owe me three bucks for gas.
28047 6 7 The Lover 4316 Michael Hey Toby, could I talk to you for a minute?
28048 6 7 The Lover 4316 Toby Yeah, sure, what's up?
28049 6 7 The Lover 4316 Michael Um, I just wanted to apologize for taking that tone with you earlier that was... uncalled for, I'm sorry.
28050 6 7 The Lover 4316 Toby Um, yeah, ah, ah, that means a lot. Thank you for saying it.
28051 6 7 The Lover 4316 Michael Can I sit down for a second?
28052 6 7 The Lover 4316 Toby Yeah, er... pull up a chair or sit on the shredder.
28053 6 7 The Lover 4316 Michael This is gonna sound weird, but I think I may be the victim of a hostile work environment with this whole Pam situation.
28054 6 7 The Lover 4316 Toby Ah, you should probably deal with that outside of the work place.
28055 6 7 The Lover 4316 Michael She brought it into the work place so I feel like it has to be dealt with here.
28056 6 7 The Lover 4316 Toby Ok, I mean, I could talk to her.
28057 6 7 The Lover 4316 Michael Really? Would you do that?
28058 6 7 The Lover 4316 Toby Yeah... that's why they pay me the big bucks.
28059 6 7 The Lover 4316 Michael You're a good, good guy.
28060 6 7 The Lover 4316 Toby I'm good...
28061 6 7 The Lover 4317 Toby You know, I always knew if Michael just took the time to get to know me, we'd become friends.
28062 6 7 The Lover 4318 Toby Hey Pam, could I talk to you for a sec?
28063 6 7 The Lover 4318 Pam Sure, what's up?
28064 6 7 The Lover 4318 Toby Well, I was hoping that maybe in light of everything that's happened today, it would be a good idea if today, you, me, and Michael could head into the conference room for some conflict resolution.
28065 6 7 The Lover 4318 Pam What's the matter, you can't fight your own battles?
28066 6 7 The Lover 4318 Michael No... that's...
28067 6 7 The Lover 4318 Toby Maybe you could just take the rest of the day off... you know...
28068 6 7 The Lover 4318 Pam Oh, would that make you feel better?
28069 6 7 The Lover 4318 Michael I don't... um... I can't hear your conversation.
28070 6 7 The Lover 4318 Pam You can tell Michael that I'm not leaving.
28071 6 7 The Lover 4318 Toby Buddy, I think that...
28072 6 7 The Lover 4318 Michael Yeah, yeah, yeah-okay... you're a jackass. Hey, hey, you know what? You're just as stubborn as your mother, when you don't wanna do something you just don't do it.
28073 6 7 The Lover 4318 Stanley Heh, heh, heh.
28074 6 7 The Lover 4318 Pam Michael, you're just her rebound!
28075 6 7 The Lover 4318 Michael You were right Jim, shoulda listened to you, should never have told her.
28076 6 7 The Lover 4318 Pam What! You knew?
28077 6 7 The Lover 4318 Jim Barely, I... I don't have all the facts. Frank and Bean...
28078 6 7 The Lover 4318 Michael Okay, do you want me to stop seeing your mom? Is that how we're gonna get past this? Cause, I will.
28079 6 7 The Lover 4318 Pam Mmmmm, yes!
28080 6 7 The Lover 4318 Michael Well, that is not gonna happen!
28081 6 7 The Lover 4318 Pam Then why'd you even offer!?
28082 6 7 The Lover 4318 Michael Because I assumed that you want me to be happy because I want you to be happy.
28083 6 7 The Lover 4318 Pam Michael, let me make this very easy for you, I could give a sh about your happiness! Stop dating my mother!
28084 6 7 The Lover 4318 Michael You know what? I'm gonna start dating her even harder.
28085 6 7 The Lover 4318 Pam What's that supposed to mean?
28086 6 7 The Lover 4318 Michael You know what it means.
28087 6 7 The Lover 4318 Jim Hey...
28088 6 7 The Lover 4318 Pam Shut it!
28089 6 7 The Lover 4318 Jim Yep...
28090 6 7 The Lover 4319 Michael I don't need to be friends with Pam. I have plenty of female friends. My mom, Pam's mom, my aunt... although she just blocked me on IM, what's her face from Quiznos, I see her four times a week.
28091 6 7 The Lover 4320 Jim Dwight, you brought the mallard back.
28092 6 7 The Lover 4320 Dwight Well, I had to, I mean... Kelly was not even...
28093 6 7 The Lover 4320 Jim Hi buddy.
28094 6 7 The Lover 4320 Dwight I'm sorry.
28095 6 7 The Lover 4320 Jim A wooden duck?
28096 6 7 The Lover 4320 Dwight Mallard. I put it in your office in order to surveil you. I was jealous that you got the promotion over me.
28097 6 7 The Lover 4320 Jim Okay, just to be clear, you're terrible at this and you are not equipped for espionage...
28098 6 7 The Lover 4320 Dwight Oh, I'm equipped... I can...
28099 6 7 The Lover 4320 Jim Silence.
28100 6 7 The Lover 4320 Dwight Don't tell Michael...
28101 6 7 The Lover 4320 Jim I won't. But, you will wash and buff our car.
28102 6 7 The Lover 4320 Dwight Punishment fits the crime, I accept.
28103 6 7 The Lover 4321 Michael Night everyone. Night Pam, thanks again for the rum.
28104 6 7 The Lover 4321 Erin Night Michael.
28105 6 7 The Lover 4321 Michael Night Erin.
28106 6 7 The Lover 4322 Jim Hey Pam, can I see you for a second? So, Dwight heard you were having a really rough day. So he generously offered to wash our car.
28107 6 7 The Lover 4322 Pam Awww, he did that for me?
28108 6 7 The Lover 4322 Jim Yes, he did. You know what was nice, nights swimming in Bayou bay.
28109 6 7 The Lover 4322 Pam Mmmm.
28110 6 7 The Lover 4322 Jim Remember that older couple whose kids were also named Jim and Pam?
28111 6 7 The Lover 4322 Pam Haha, yeah. Say more nice things.
28112 6 7 The Lover 4322 Jim Well, we went on a Segway tour and we're awesome at it and Frank and Beans!
28113 6 7 The Lover 4322 Pam Maybe I'm overreacting.
28114 6 7 The Lover 4322 Jim Yeah... maybe.
28115 6 7 The Lover 4322 Pam But I don't think I am.
28116 6 7 The Lover 4322 Jim You're not, nope. Nope.
28117 6 7 The Lover 4323 Kevin Oh... where'd you get that hat?
28118 6 7 The Lover 4323 Ryan I'd rather not say.
28119 6 7 The Lover 4324 Dwight "We have our high quality 28 pound bond, our heavier 38 pound bond, or our..." I've got eight hours of this. Of course I wanted Jim to find the mallard, make him feel safe. Did you really think I would put my primary listening device in a wooden mallard? I'm not insane. "...65 pound cover stock, which is the heaviest paper that will still feed smoothly through your desktop printer."
28120 6 8 Koi Pond 4325 Michael Welcome children of the Scranton Industrial Park Community.
28121 6 8 Koi Pond 4325 Kids YAY!
28122 6 8 Koi Pond 4325 Michael Join your gangsta pumpkin on his palette truck of doom. Don't worry about a thing. Rest assured you will see me later. Bwah ha ha... ... ha ha ha.
28123 6 8 Koi Pond 4326 Jim We are doing a haunted house this Halloween. Which is actually kinda spooky because, as legend has it, on this very site there used to be a productive paper company.
28124 6 8 Koi Pond 4327 Michael I am going to scare these kids so bad.
28125 6 8 Koi Pond 4328 Darryl This is the spookiest warehouse in the world, kids. You don't believe me? Just take a look. Oh. Scary, huh? This is a surgery with an octopus and a burn victim.
28126 6 8 Koi Pond 4328 Angela Black widow.
28127 6 8 Koi Pond 4328 Kelly Lulu from The Fifth Element.
28128 6 8 Koi Pond 4328 Darryl Nobody told me what people were, alright? So... label yourselves or take what you get.
28129 6 8 Koi Pond 4328 Creed I want to sell your blood!
28130 6 8 Koi Pond 4328 Ryan That's really not the trend in vampires right now.
28131 6 8 Koi Pond 4328 Darryl Here is an old man and a goth dude... and then the old crone from Drag Me to Hell.
28132 6 8 Koi Pond 4328 Meredith I'm a hobo.
28133 6 8 Koi Pond 4328 Darryl I asked for a list. ...and a clown.
28134 6 8 Koi Pond 4328 Dwight I'm Jigsaw, idiot.
28135 6 8 Koi Pond 4328 Darryl You're not as scary as Book Face, over there.
28136 6 8 Koi Pond 4328 Jim Yes. I am the popular social networking site known as Book Face.
28137 6 8 Koi Pond 4328 Darryl Ok, kids. You've all been so good and unbelievably patient so I think you are gonna get some candy!
28138 6 8 Koi Pond 4328 Kids Yeah!
28139 6 8 Koi Pond 4328 Michael Kids, just remember, suicide is never the answer. Alright?
28140 6 8 Koi Pond 4329 Michael Why is Christmas the only holiday that can have a message?
28141 6 8 Koi Pond 4330 Michael It is the easy way out. You are not alone.
28142 6 8 Koi Pond 4330 Darryl What the hell is wrong with you?
28143 6 8 Koi Pond 4330 Michael Who wants candy?
28144 6 8 Koi Pond 4331 Michael ...and then I think I'm going to go to the Garlic Festival.
28145 6 8 Koi Pond 4331 Jim Wow.
28146 6 8 Koi Pond 4331 Michael Sounds like fun. You guys would love it.
28147 6 8 Koi Pond 4331 Jim I bet we would.
28148 6 8 Koi Pond 4331 Michael They have a TCBY booth.
28149 6 8 Koi Pond 4331 Jim Cool.
28150 6 8 Koi Pond 4331 Michael The same stuff you get downtown.
28151 6 8 Koi Pond 4331 Jim Mmm-hmm.
28152 6 8 Koi Pond 4331 Michael Do you like TCBY?
28153 6 8 Koi Pond 4331 Jim Who doesn't?
28154 6 8 Koi Pond 4331 Michael I can't believe it's- I can't believe it's yogurt. Uh... it'll be fun
28155 6 8 Koi Pond 4331 Erin I confirmed with Raskin Design and they're expecting the both of you in an hour.
28156 6 8 Koi Pond 4331 Jim Oh. Actually, it's just gonna be me.
28157 6 8 Koi Pond 4331 Erin They said the both of you.
28158 6 8 Koi Pond 4331 Jim That is a mistake.
28159 6 8 Koi Pond 4331 Michael You should give them a call. Check that out.
28160 6 8 Koi Pond 4331 Jim Alright. Let's clear this up. Well, there's actually been a few changes in the company and Michael and I are actually at the same level. So, I can- no. Nope. Why would that be a problem?
28161 6 8 Koi Pond 4332 Michael Jim's a good kid. He can handle a lot but sometimes you have to call in a master. I, uh... why would you date an amateur when you could date a professional?
28162 6 8 Koi Pond 4333 Jim Great. See ya' then.
28163 6 8 Koi Pond 4333 Michael Wha- what?
28164 6 8 Koi Pond 4333 Jim They said that they would feel more comfortable if you came along.
28165 6 8 Koi Pond 4333 Michael Why don't they just want you to go by yourself? Why do they want me to come, too? I don't understand.
28166 6 8 Koi Pond 4333 Jim I absolutely don't understand, either.
28167 6 8 Koi Pond 4333 Michael I don't want you to feel like I'm baby-sitting you, or something. Alright.
28168 6 8 Koi Pond 4333 Jim Alright.
28169 6 8 Koi Pond 4333 Michael Let me get your stroller.
28170 6 8 Koi Pond 4334 Jim Sure. Michael's a good teacher. A teacher is someone who stands right next to you your whole life and never lets you do anything. That's what a teacher is, right?
28171 6 8 Koi Pond 4335 Michael What are you gonna call him?
28172 6 8 Koi Pond 4335 Jim Dave.
28173 6 8 Koi Pond 4335 Michael No. What is his name?
28174 6 8 Koi Pond 4335 Jim Dave.
28175 6 8 Koi Pond 4335 Michael Mr. Bourchard. They're very formal.
28176 6 8 Koi Pond 4335 Jim Yeah. I've spoken to them on the phone.
28177 6 8 Koi Pond 4335 Michael Yeah, well... this is not the phone. This is real life, baby, and you gotta own it. Is that what you are wearing?
28178 6 8 Koi Pond 4335 Jim Yes, it is.
28179 6 8 Koi Pond 4335 Michael ...and that is the watch that you are going to wear? No. It is not. You should wear this watch. I will loan it to you. It is a Tankard. I highly recommend you wear that.
28180 6 8 Koi Pond 4335 Jim No thanks.
28181 6 8 Koi Pond 4335 Michael They are into style.
28182 6 8 Koi Pond 4335 Jim Mmm-hmm.
28183 6 8 Koi Pond 4335 Michael They are into appearance. We are selling success.
28184 6 8 Koi Pond 4335 Jim ...and paper.
28185 6 8 Koi Pond 4335 Michael That's sorta secondary.
28186 6 8 Koi Pond 4335 Jim Nope. No.
28187 6 8 Koi Pond 4336 Jim He's trying to micro-co-manage me... or co-micro... manage... me.
28188 6 8 Koi Pond 4337 Pam Here we are outside-
28189 6 8 Koi Pond 4337 Andy WB!
28190 6 8 Koi Pond 4337 Pam #NAME?
28191 6 8 Koi Pond 4337 Andy Industrial P.! Makin' cold calls.
28192 6 8 Koi Pond 4337 Pam The two people with the lowest sales in the quarter have to do them.
28193 6 8 Koi Pond 4338 Andy Where are you? Dean Trophies. Suite 100. Sherman Blinds and Rugs. Suite 202.
28194 6 8 Koi Pond 4338 Pam Here it is. Suite 401.
28195 6 8 Koi Pond 4338 Andy Yeah. I was gonna sing that part.
28196 6 8 Koi Pond 4338 Pam I know. Now you don't have to.
28197 6 8 Koi Pond 4338 Andy Except it was going to resolve the melody, so now my head hurts. Feels like I held in a sneeze. Mmm! I hate this feeling. Suite 401.
28198 6 8 Koi Pond 4339 Michael Alright. Hi. Any messages?
28199 6 8 Koi Pond 4339 Erin You're soaking wet.
28200 6 8 Koi Pond 4339 Michael Uh, well, Jim and I got caught in a little flash rain, flash wind, flash lightning.
28201 6 8 Koi Pond 4339 Phyllis Wow. Sounds scary.
28202 6 8 Koi Pond 4339 Michael It was. It was. And then in an instant it wasn't.
28203 6 8 Koi Pond 4339 Angela Why isn't Jim wet?
28204 6 8 Koi Pond 4339 Jim I outran it.
28205 6 8 Koi Pond 4339 Meredith I don't think it rained. My hip would be throbbing.
28206 6 8 Koi Pond 4339 Michael It rained.
28207 6 8 Koi Pond 4339 Dwight Michael, can I get you something? A towel? Some cocoa?
28208 6 8 Koi Pond 4339 Michael Nothing. Cocoa.
28209 6 8 Koi Pond 4339 Jim I'll just leave that suit in your office then.
28210 6 8 Koi Pond 4339 Michael Good. Yep.
28211 6 8 Koi Pond 4340 Secretary Must be nice to have company on these cold calls.
28212 6 8 Koi Pond 4340 Andy We're kind of a dynamic duo. Or trio.
28213 6 8 Koi Pond 4340 Secretary How exciting! Do you guys know the s*x yet?
28214 6 8 Koi Pond 4340 Pam Oh. No, no. We're not together. No, no, no. Definitely not. Definitely not. No. We just work together.
28215 6 8 Koi Pond 4340 Andy Looks like somebody's got a case of the definitelies.
28216 6 8 Koi Pond 4341 Erin Um, Michael? The custodian from Raskin Design is on the line. He said they found your keys in the Koi pond.
28217 6 8 Koi Pond 4341 Michael Ok. Thank you.
28218 6 8 Koi Pond 4341 Stanley Did you say 'Koi pond'?
28219 6 8 Koi Pond 4342 Michael Yeah?
28220 6 8 Koi Pond 4342 Erin Michael, people are asking questions.
28221 6 8 Koi Pond 4342 Michael Ok. Put them on speaker. Hey guys, what's going on?
28222 6 8 Koi Pond 4342 Phyllis Michael, did you you fall into a Koi pond?
28223 6 8 Koi Pond 4342 Michael Uh... I can't really hear you. I think we have sort of a bad connection.
28224 6 8 Koi Pond 4342 Oscar Jim, did Michael fall into a Koi pond?
28225 6 8 Koi Pond 4342 Jim Mmm... it's like Michael said. It was some- something else.
28226 6 8 Koi Pond 4342 Michael It was- Ok. This is what it was. It was these bunch of idiots who had put a fish tank in the ground with no cover and no railing.
28227 6 8 Koi Pond 4342 Angela So you fell in?
28228 6 8 Koi Pond 4342 Michael No. Maybe I was trying to save a child that had fallen in.
28229 6 8 Koi Pond 4342 Angela So a child had fallen in?
28230 6 8 Koi Pond 4342 Michael Not yet!
28231 6 8 Koi Pond 4342 Kevin That is hilarious.
28232 6 8 Koi Pond 4342 Michael No it is- don't! I'm not gonna bump. I'm not gonna bump. And it was not hilarious. It was very, very terrifying.
28233 6 8 Koi Pond 4343 Jim Truthfully, it wasn't the way he fell in. It was... how long it took him to get out.
28234 6 8 Koi Pond 4344 Pam And we'd like to offer you 15% off your first purchase as our way of welcoming you to the area.
28235 6 8 Koi Pond 4344 Customer Well that sounds like a really nice deal.
28236 6 8 Koi Pond 4344 Andy Sha-bow.
28237 6 8 Koi Pond 4344 Customer And I must say, that since we are a family business it is nice to see that you are, too.
28238 6 8 Koi Pond 4344 Andy Oh, wow. You thought that- oh, my gosh. Oh. Definitely not.
28239 6 8 Koi Pond 4344 Customer My mistake. Sorry.
28240 6 8 Koi Pond 4344 Pam It's ok.
28241 6 8 Koi Pond 4344 Andy Nuh. Actually, it's kinda not ok. Um, I date models. Face models. My girlfriend, on a scale of one to Giselle, uh... a nine.
28242 6 8 Koi Pond 4344 Customer That- that's good for you.
28243 6 8 Koi Pond 4344 Pam Anyway, we also have a special on envelopes.
28244 6 8 Koi Pond 4344 Andy Pam's carrying our surrogate. Because my girlfriend needed to keep her figure for fashion week. So, we, uh, we put our baby in Pam. Doesn't matter what Pam looks like.
28245 6 8 Koi Pond 4344 Pam Yeah.
28246 6 8 Koi Pond 4345 Pam You were way meaner to me than I was to you.
28247 6 8 Koi Pond 4345 Andy No I wasn't. Ok. The very idea of us together made you burst out laughing like you just bit into an Adam Sandler and jelly sandwich.
28248 6 8 Koi Pond 4345 Pam You blew the sale, you idiot.
28249 6 8 Koi Pond 4345 Andy Let me tell you something. I was never gonna make that sale.
28250 6 8 Koi Pond 4346 Michael Erin, do we have any of those clips that hold paper together?
28251 6 8 Koi Pond 4346 Erin Staples? Uh, David Wallace called.
28252 6 8 Koi Pond 4346 Michael Oh. He did? What did he say?
28253 6 8 Koi Pond 4346 Erin He heard you made a big splash at the meeting. Oh, my God. That was so mean what I just said and I didn't mean it. It was Kevin and Meredith put me up to it.
28254 6 8 Koi Pond 4346 Michael Ok.
28255 6 8 Koi Pond 4346 Kevin I'm gonna kill you.
28256 6 8 Koi Pond 4346 Stanley Michael, don't listen to them.
28257 6 8 Koi Pond 4346 Michael Thank you, Stanley.
28258 6 8 Koi Pond 4346 Stanley You just ignore their carp.
28259 6 8 Koi Pond 4346 Michael Ok.
28260 6 8 Koi Pond 4346 Dwight Michael?
28261 6 8 Koi Pond 4346 Michael Yes.
28262 6 8 Koi Pond 4346 Dwight A carp is both a fish and a term for complaing. They're mocking you with wordplay.
28263 6 8 Koi Pond 4346 Creed Hey, boss, did you find Nemo?
28264 6 8 Koi Pond 4346 Michael I can name Pixar movies, too. Toy Story.
28265 6 8 Koi Pond 4346 Oscar Don't you mean 'Koi Story'?
28266 6 8 Koi Pond 4346 Phyllis And when you fell in, did you flounder?
28267 6 8 Koi Pond 4346 Dwight Michael, flounder is both a kind of fish and -
28268 6 8 Koi Pond 4346 Michael I know what a flounder is.
28269 6 8 Koi Pond 4347 Michael I'm not usually the butt of the joke. I'm usually the face of the joke. I wish Jim had fallen into that pond and he'd have to put on my suit and it'd be too short and he'd look... Damn it! He'd still look good.
28270 6 8 Koi Pond 4348 Michael The most fundamental thing about sensitivity training is that you cannot make fun of a person for something or some action that they have done that they regret. Show of hands- who has been 'Koi-ponded'? Who here's been the butt of a joke that has gone too far? Phyllis?
28271 6 8 Koi Pond 4348 Phyllis Michael, you make fun of us every day.
28272 6 8 Koi Pond 4348 Michael Uh...
28273 6 8 Koi Pond 4348 Kevin Yeah. Every single day.
28274 6 8 Koi Pond 4348 Michael You never said anything.
28275 6 8 Koi Pond 4348 Meredith Uh, we have. Countless times.
28276 6 8 Koi Pond 4348 Michael Well, it is hard to tell the difference between you guys saying, 'Stop because I want you to stop' or STOP as in 'Stop. You're making me laugh so hard. What you're doing is so funny. You are on a roll. I am busting a gut. Stop!'
28277 6 8 Koi Pond 4348 Angela That's never the case.
28278 6 8 Koi Pond 4348 Michael We are going to make a 'Do Not Mock' list. Ok? Anything that we think might be out of bounds, we put on this list. Anything you put on this list you cannot be teased about. Got it? I'm gonna kick it off. Let's see what I have to put on the list, right? Ok. I also have fallen into the fountain at the Steamtown Mall. Ok. Who else? Who else? Dwight, come on.
28279 6 8 Koi Pond 4348 Dwight I don't want people making fun of my nose.
28280 6 8 Koi Pond 4348 Michael Your nose?
28281 6 8 Koi Pond 4348 Dwight It's too small.
28282 6 8 Koi Pond 4348 Michael Alright.
28283 6 8 Koi Pond 4348 Oscar Oh my. That is small.
28284 6 8 Koi Pond 4348 Dwight Just, write it down, please.
28285 6 8 Koi Pond 4348 Oscar Can you breathe okay?
28286 6 8 Koi Pond 4348 Kelly What keeps your glasses on?
28287 6 8 Koi Pond 4348 Dwight Hey! It's on the list, everybody.
28288 6 8 Koi Pond 4348 Michael No. I haven't finished writing. Did you sneeze it off? That's it. No more. Ok. Who else? Who else? Everybody's getting their chance.
28289 6 8 Koi Pond 4348 Kevin I don't want people making fun of my weight.
28290 6 8 Koi Pond 4348 Michael Ok. That's to broad. It's gotta be something else. How 'bout your stomach? Yeah? Meredith?
28291 6 8 Koi Pond 4348 Meredith I don't want to say it out loud.
28292 6 8 Koi Pond 4348 Michael Ok. Fine. Come on up here. Write it yourself. And don't sign your name to it. And nobody look. Everybody look away. Look away.
28293 6 8 Koi Pond 4349 Meredith I really didn't want to put it on the board but I thought maybe it was gonna come out somehow so... what are you gonna do?
28294 6 8 Koi Pond 4350 Michael Ok.
28295 6 8 Koi Pond 4351 Andy That is our sales pitch and we are stickin' to it.
28296 6 8 Koi Pond 4351 Keena Gifford Well, you two are quite the salesmen and a very cute couple.
28297 6 8 Koi Pond 4351 Andy Well-
28298 6 8 Koi Pond 4351 Pam Oh- Thank you.
28299 6 8 Koi Pond 4351 Keena Gifford Some couples don't seem like a good match. You two do.
28300 6 8 Koi Pond 4351 Pam Well, you know.
28301 6 8 Koi Pond 4351 Andy Yeah. You know. Two peas in a pod. We complete each other. What can I say? She loves to cook-
28302 6 8 Koi Pond 4351 Pam He loves to eat.
28303 6 8 Koi Pond 4351 Andy I love to dance-
28304 6 8 Koi Pond 4351 Pam I love to watch him dance.
28305 6 8 Koi Pond 4351 Andy Right. Sometimes I'll just dance for hours in the living room-
28306 6 8 Koi Pond 4351 Pam And I'll just watch him.
28307 6 8 Koi Pond 4351 Keena Gifford And a baby on the way? You must be so excited.
28308 6 8 Koi Pond 4351 Pam Yes.
28309 6 8 Koi Pond 4351 Andy Yeah. We are thrilled.
28310 6 8 Koi Pond 4351 Pam Mmm-hmm.
28311 6 8 Koi Pond 4351 Andy In fact, we spent the whole weekend researching various birthing coaches. Wasn't that fun, honey?
28312 6 8 Koi Pond 4351 Pam It was, sweetie.
28313 6 8 Koi Pond 4351 Keena Gifford Oh. I know the best teacher. Her name is Miss Janet.
28314 6 8 Koi Pond 4351 Andy Yeah. On Clearview Avenue.
28315 6 8 Koi Pond 4351 Keena Gifford Yeah!
28316 6 8 Koi Pond 4351 Andy Yeah.
28317 6 8 Koi Pond 4352 Angela This sounds ridiculous, I know, but some people say that I eat like a squirrel.
28318 6 8 Koi Pond 4352 Phyllis So now you're comparing yourself to a cute, tiny animal?
28319 6 8 Koi Pond 4352 Erin Um, Michael? The custodian called again. Apparently a Koi has died.
28320 6 8 Koi Pond 4352 Michael It's a fish.
28321 6 8 Koi Pond 4352 Erin They want you to pay for it.
28322 6 8 Koi Pond 4352 Michael It could've died of natural causes. So...
28323 6 8 Koi Pond 4352 Erin Well, they said you stepped on it's head. He did not suffer.
28324 6 8 Koi Pond 4352 Oscar When is the funeral?
28325 6 8 Koi Pond 4352 Michael Do not mock, Oscar. Do not mock. How much do they want?
28326 6 8 Koi Pond 4352 Erin 300
28327 6 8 Koi Pond 4352 Michael What? No. I could get a fish for a 5 cent worm.
28328 6 8 Koi Pond 4352 Creed Oh, you're payin' way too much for your worms, man. Who's your worm guy?
28329 6 8 Koi Pond 4352 Jim Ok. Great meeting, everybody. That's it.
28330 6 8 Koi Pond 4352 Michael No, no.
28331 6 8 Koi Pond 4352 Dwight Thank you.
28332 6 8 Koi Pond 4352 Michael No. We are not done here. This-
28333 6 8 Koi Pond 4353 Andy One of the baby books suggets the best birthing posture is on all fours, like an animal. I just wish I had a special telephone so I could find out exactly wht the little soy bean wants. Right? Hey, little soy bean. What do you want? Right. How do- It- I felt it kick!
28334 6 8 Koi Pond 4353 Keena Gifford That's great!
28335 6 8 Koi Pond 4353 Andy Oh, my gosh. Like a little magical foot just high-fived me.
28336 6 8 Koi Pond 4353 Pam Yeah, well, that'll happen.
28337 6 8 Koi Pond 4353 Andy Oh, my gosh. It's like he's trying to say, 'I love you, too, Daddy'. I love you, too.
28338 6 8 Koi Pond 4353 Pam Sometimes we're so excited we forget where we are. Like at a business meeting.
28339 6 8 Koi Pond 4353 Andy Message received, little soy bean.
28340 6 8 Koi Pond 4354 Jim I think you just gotta ride this one out, man.
28341 6 8 Koi Pond 4354 Michael No, Jim. You don't understand. Things like this don't just die. Kids in high school still call me 'Ponytail'.
28342 6 8 Koi Pond 4354 Jim No, they don't.
28343 6 8 Koi Pond 4354 Michael Yes, they do, Jim. Because of the time I got my ponytail stuck in the power trail.
28344 6 8 Koi Pond 4354 Jim Maybe if you make fun of yourself it'll all go away.
28345 6 8 Koi Pond 4354 Michael I want to make fun of you right now.
28346 6 8 Koi Pond 4354 Jim Really? Do it. I am a big, stupid goofball.
28347 6 8 Koi Pond 4354 Michael No. Don't do that. You're not. You're not stupid.
28348 6 8 Koi Pond 4354 Jim See?
28349 6 8 Koi Pond 4354 Michael Oh, my God.
28350 6 8 Koi Pond 4355 Michael Hey. I- I just wanna say that I cannot believe that I walked into a Koi pond. I mean, seriously. Walk much? Oh. I should wear a snorkel to the next business meeting that I go to.
28351 6 8 Koi Pond 4355 Phyllis Michael. You know, when you think about it, it's not all your fault. I mean, who puts a Koi pond in a lobby?
28352 6 8 Koi Pond 4355 Michael Well, you know what? You're right, Phyllis, but I've been there before. I've seen that pond. This is the thing, I am a world class moron. That's the problem.
28353 6 8 Koi Pond 4355 Dwight Michael, please. Stop it now. You're embarrassing yourself.
28354 6 8 Koi Pond 4355 Michael It's ok. We're having fun. It's not actually the first time I've been embarrassed by a pond. In high school, the girls volleyball team always used to hrow me into the frozen lake. Four years in a row. Oh... it was freezing. No. No. No. Oh, this is even worse. Couple weeks ago I went to get a new cellphone and I wanted on of those packages where you have, you know, the friends- the five- the friends and family thing and the guys was like, 'Who are your 5 friends?' and I'm, like, 'Uh... ' I didn't even know I couldn't even think. Oh, my God. It was so embarrassing. That was- oh. I don't even have Jan's cell phone number and I hate her! She won't give it to me. I was like, 'Oh, I guess I'm a loser. 'A luh-whooooo a za her'. Too far! God! Thanks a lot, man. Thanks for the advice.
28355 6 8 Koi Pond 4356 Kevin Enjoying your nut?
28356 6 8 Koi Pond 4356 Oscar Kevin.
28357 6 8 Koi Pond 4356 Angela Why?
28358 6 8 Koi Pond 4356 Kevin I'm not mocking. I was just making an observation about a nut.
28359 6 8 Koi Pond 4356 Angela I was.
28360 6 8 Koi Pond 4356 Michael Hey. Who wants to watch Michael's pond dive? My roommate's friend is the night janitor over there. He swiped the security tape for me and he's bringing it over.
28361 6 8 Koi Pond 4356 Jim Mm... I'm, know what? Maybe we should go easy on Michael, guys. You know, you watch that tape and you're gonna have to stay late for more sensitity training, so...
28362 6 8 Koi Pond 4356 Kevin We'll stay late.
28363 6 8 Koi Pond 4357 Andy Well, that went pretty well.
28364 6 8 Koi Pond 4357 Pam Yeah, I guess.
28365 6 8 Koi Pond 4357 Andy We got a maybe. It was our first maybe. Going by the Nard Dog curve, I'd say we nailed it.
28366 6 8 Koi Pond 4357 Pam If I'm being completely honest, I could've done without the belly kiss.
28367 6 8 Koi Pond 4357 Andy You know what? I'm sorry. 'Cause in that moment I knew I was kissing your belly too much.
28368 6 8 Koi Pond 4357 Pam Yeah. Way too much.
28369 6 8 Koi Pond 4357 Andy Yeah.
28370 6 8 Koi Pond 4357 Pam I mean, what the hell was that?
28371 6 8 Koi Pond 4357 Andy What the heck was that?
28372 6 8 Koi Pond 4357 Pam When you cried?
28373 6 8 Koi Pond 4357 Andy Agh- try almost cried, ok? I just got caught up in the fantasy.
28374 6 8 Koi Pond 4357 Pam You're fantsy involves comparison shopping birthing classes?
28375 6 8 Koi Pond 4357 Andy No. I know I'm gonna go with Miss Janet. I just- I don't know. It was fun to role play, right?
28376 6 8 Koi Pond 4357 Pam Hmm.
28377 6 8 Koi Pond 4357 Andy I mean, it was fun for me. Having a wife and a little baby. Agh, I'm so sick of being single.
28378 6 8 Koi Pond 4357 Pam Well, are you dating anyone?
28379 6 8 Koi Pond 4357 Andy What do you think of Erin? I mean- she's- I- She's kinda cool.
28380 6 8 Koi Pond 4357 Pam Ah.
28381 6 8 Koi Pond 4357 Andy You think I can do better?
28382 6 8 Koi Pond 4357 Pam Ah.
28383 6 8 Koi Pond 4357 Andy Gotta get my goin' out on.
28384 6 8 Koi Pond 4358 Meredith Hey, let's watch this thing.
28385 6 8 Koi Pond 4358 Jim Whoa, whoa, whoa. Ok. Yeah. We're not watchin' this.
28386 6 8 Koi Pond 4358 Oscar How can we not watch this?
28387 6 8 Koi Pond 4358 Jim What happened to 'Do Not Mock'?
28388 6 8 Koi Pond 4358 Phyllis We're not mocking, we're watching.
28389 6 8 Koi Pond 4358 Jim That will inevitably lead to mocking. So...
28390 6 8 Koi Pond 4358 Phyllis Well, we'll deal with it as it comes.
28391 6 8 Koi Pond 4358 Michael Is this the tape of me falling?
28392 6 8 Koi Pond 4358 Phyllis Yes. Put the DVD in.
28393 6 8 Koi Pond 4358 Kevin Open QuickTime.
28394 6 8 Koi Pond 4358 Oscar It starts on it's own. Let it -
28395 6 8 Koi Pond 4358 Kevin No! Use QuickTime. Trust me. I've done this.
28396 6 8 Koi Pond 4358 Jim Guys. Michael can't handle this and as your boss I'm saying we're not watching it.
28397 6 8 Koi Pond 4358 Michael No. It's ok. Watch it. He can't fire all of you.
28398 6 8 Koi Pond 4358 Jim What are you doing?
28399 6 8 Koi Pond 4358 Michael It's alright. I can handle it.
28400 6 8 Koi Pond 4358 Jim No.
28401 6 8 Koi Pond 4358 Michael I am a grown-up, Jim.
28402 6 8 Koi Pond 4358 Meredith Shh. It's on.
28403 6 8 Koi Pond 4358 Kevin Here they come. Boom!
28404 6 8 Koi Pond 4358 Oscar Oh. Did - did you see that?
28405 6 8 Koi Pond 4358 Jim See what?
28406 6 8 Koi Pond 4358 Angela Why'd you stop it?
28407 6 8 Koi Pond 4358 Jim Oscar, yes. You're right to stop it. Thank you. Eject it.
28408 6 8 Koi Pond 4358 Oscar Jim, you let Michael fall in.
28409 6 8 Koi Pond 4358 Dwight Play it again. He purposefully leaned away and let you fall in.
28410 6 8 Koi Pond 4358 Jim Oh... man. I thinke when I started to see you go in I think I just froze.
28411 6 8 Koi Pond 4358 Michael I don't think you froze.
28412 6 8 Koi Pond 4358 Jim It's a killer new dance move. Do you wanna talk in your office?
28413 6 8 Koi Pond 4358 Angela No.
28414 6 8 Koi Pond 4358 Jim I didn't ask you. Would you like to talk?
28415 6 8 Koi Pond 4358 Dwight Judas.
28416 6 8 Koi Pond 4359 Dwight Jim is my enemy. But it turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So, Jim is actually my friend. But... because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy. So, actually Jim is my enemy. But-
28417 6 8 Koi Pond 4360 Jim I should've grabbed you. I'm sorry. Look, I thought I could've done today's sales call alone. I mean, I may never be as good a salesman as you are, but I at least need the chance to do the job.
28418 6 8 Koi Pond 4361 Michael Jim is jealous of me? Jim is jealous of me.
28419 6 8 Koi Pond 4362 Meredith Hey, what's up lifeguard?
28420 6 8 Koi Pond 4362 Oscar Jim, I think I'm in your way.
28421 6 8 Koi Pond 4362 Michael Oscar's a douche.
28422 6 8 Koi Pond 4362 Jim He's alright.
28423 6 8 Koi Pond 4362 Michael No. He's a- yeah, he's alright. Ok.
28424 6 8 Koi Pond 4362 Jim Thanks Michael.
28425 6 8 Koi Pond 4362 Michael You're welcome. Whoa! Almost fell.
28426 6 8 Koi Pond 4363 Pam Hey, Erin. Do you mind faxing this for me?
28427 6 8 Koi Pond 4363 Erin Oh, sure. Oh, wait. Hand them to me upside down so I don't accidentally read them.
28428 6 8 Koi Pond 4363 Pam Ok.
28429 6 8 Koi Pond 4363 Erin Thanks.
28430 6 8 Koi Pond 4363 Pam Mmm-hmm.
28431 6 8 Koi Pond 4363 Erin How did today go, by the way? Did you make any sales?
28432 6 8 Koi Pond 4363 Pam No. It was a total waste of time. Um... it was fun, though, because I got to spend the day with Andy Bernard. He's really cool.
28433 6 8 Koi Pond 4363 Erin Yeah, he is!
28434 6 8 Koi Pond 4363 Pam Yeah, he is.
28435 6 8 Koi Pond 4363 Erin He's, like, the coolest person I've ever met.
28436 6 8 Koi Pond 4363 Pam That's... right. He's like Marlon Brando.
28437 6 8 Koi Pond 4363 Erin Oh. Do you mean Marlon Wayans? 'Cause he is.
28438 6 8 Koi Pond 4363 Pam I actually do mean Marlon Wayan. Yeah.
28439 6 9 Double Date 4364 Dwight Good morning everybody. Who would like an authentic New York bagel? Hmmm? Stanley?
28440 6 9 Double Date 4364 Stanley Thank you.
28441 6 9 Double Date 4364 Dwight No, no, no, no. I got a pumpernickel just for you.
28442 6 9 Double Date 4364 Andy Wow. H & H. You went all the way to New York City to get us bagels?
28443 6 9 Double Date 4364 Dwight Oh, why? Is there a place closer that sells them?
28444 6 9 Double Date 4364 Phyllis This is really nice Dwight, thanks.
28445 6 9 Double Date 4364 Andy Thanks.
28446 6 9 Double Date 4364 Dwight Oh, don't mention it. You owe me one. You all owe me one.
28447 6 9 Double Date 4365 Dwight Good morning Michael.
28448 6 9 Double Date 4365 Michael Morning Dwight.
28449 6 9 Double Date 4365 Dwight Hungry?
28450 6 9 Double Date 4365 Michael No. I had a fish stick sandwich. Actually I had two fish stick sandwiches. My girlfriend didn't want hers. Because I guess I'm the only aphrodisiac she needs.
28451 6 9 Double Date 4365 Dwight Fish sticks are not an aphrodisiac.
28452 6 9 Double Date 4365 Michael Well, yeah...
28453 6 9 Double Date 4365 Dwight You're thinking of deer pen1s.
28454 6 9 Double Date 4365 Michael It worked.
28455 6 9 Double Date 4365 Dwight Regardless. That was over two hours ago and it is now a scientific fact that you are hungry. Bagel?
28456 6 9 Double Date 4365 Michael I don't mind if I do.
28457 6 9 Double Date 4365 Dwight K. I brought cheese too.
28458 6 9 Double Date 4365 Michael I'm taking one for my lady friend.
28459 6 9 Double Date 4365 Dwight Excellent.
28460 6 9 Double Date 4365 Michael Brain food. Thank you very much.
28461 6 9 Double Date 4365 Dwight Okay. You owe me.
28462 6 9 Double Date 4366 Dwight Can't a guy just buy some bagels for his friends so they'll owe him a favor which he can use to get someone fired who stole a co-manager position from him anymore? Geez. When did everyone get so cynical?
28463 6 9 Double Date 4367 Dwight Pam, would you care for a bagel?
28464 6 9 Double Date 4367 Pam Oh, no thank you.
28465 6 9 Double Date 4367 Dwight That's right. You're a woman and you need to refuse food the first time. I'll try again. Please Pam, reconsider and have a bagel.
28466 6 9 Double Date 4367 Pam I have an early lunch.
28467 6 9 Double Date 4368 Pam Michael's been trying to get Jim and me to hang out ever since he started dating my mom. I don't know. I really hoped this thing would just die out, but today he's planning a birthday lunch for my mom and we have to go. No way out. No way out.
28468 6 9 Double Date 4369 Erin These are amazing. You took all these?
28469 6 9 Double Date 4369 Ryan I've always found beauty in uncommon places. Homeless people. Graffiti. Photography lets me capture all that. Have you ever been photographed before?
28470 6 9 Double Date 4369 Erin Oh just by like friends.
28471 6 9 Double Date 4369 Ryan Well here's what I've been doing around here. It's for a series on exposure in the workplace.
28472 6 9 Double Date 4369 Helene Whoohoo! Pammy?
28473 6 9 Double Date 4369 Pam Hey! Hey. Happy birthday.
28474 6 9 Double Date 4369 Helene Thank you.
28475 6 9 Double Date 4369 Michael My girls. There they are.
28476 6 9 Double Date 4370 Michael Birthday lunch. Birthday lunch-- there is no better medicine than birthday lunch. It'll cure all of your "Gee I don't know if Michael should be dating my mother" and fixes all occurrences of "I don't really see them together". So, open wide Pam and take a big old spoonful of birthday lunch medicine. Take with food.
28477 6 9 Double Date 4371 Angela Pam, aren't you going to introduce us to Michael's girlfriend?
28478 6 9 Double Date 4371 Pam I think you guys all remember my mom from the wedding.
28479 6 9 Double Date 4371 Michael Yeah--
28480 6 9 Double Date 4371 Kevin Hi.
28481 6 9 Double Date 4371 Michael I think everyone has meet Helene. Shall we?
28482 6 9 Double Date 4372 Helene Wait a minute. Is that another birthday present for me cause you already gave me a necklace.
28483 6 9 Double Date 4372 Kelly Oh my God I love it.
28484 6 9 Double Date 4372 Helene Tell her how you gave it to me.
28485 6 9 Double Date 4372 Michael No, that wouldn't be--
28486 6 9 Double Date 4372 Helene He put it around my neck while I was still asleep this morning. What a nice way to wake up.
28487 6 9 Double Date 4372 Michael Yeah. The rest of the story has been censored due to-- inappropriosity.
28488 6 9 Double Date 4372 Kevin Because of s*x?
28489 6 9 Double Date 4372 Michael Hey--
28490 6 9 Double Date 4372 Pam Kevin!
28491 6 9 Double Date 4372 Michael Please, Kevin. You're fired. Sorry, sorry. Work with a bunch of idiots. Shall we go?
28492 6 9 Double Date 4372 Pam Yes, let's go.
28493 6 9 Double Date 4372 Erin Oh, wait. Um-- Swartz Lumber is on the phone for you Pam and they say it's urgent.
28494 6 9 Double Date 4372 Pam Oh, you guys. Just one second. Oh my gosh! Are you serious? Shipping emergency. I don't think I can go to lunch.
28495 6 9 Double Date 4372 Jim Oh man, that's crazy. Right as we were on our way out too.
28496 6 9 Double Date 4372 Pam I know. Isn't that always how it goes?
28497 6 9 Double Date 4372 Jim Rarely. If ever. Let me give it a whirl. I'll talk to them.
28498 6 9 Double Date 4372 Pam I want to handle it.
28499 6 9 Double Date 4372 Jim That's okay.
28500 6 9 Double Date 4372 Pam I feel like its--
28501 6 9 Double Date 4372 Jim It's my pleasure. Hello? Well that's great. Turns out the paper was there all along.
28502 6 9 Double Date 4372 Creed Thank God.
28503 6 9 Double Date 4373 Creed Something's up. That paper was never supposed to arrive.
28504 6 9 Double Date 4374 Helene So, Pammy-- are you still liking sales?
28505 6 9 Double Date 4374 Pam Yeah-- it's exciting.
28506 6 9 Double Date 4374 Helene Well, you know-- Michael and I were-- talking, and maybe if you put a little more face to face time with your clients you could improve your sales.
28507 6 9 Double Date 4374 Jim Pam's sales are fine actually.
28508 6 9 Double Date 4374 Michael Just want you to succeed Pammy. You know what, we shouldn't even be talking about business today.
28509 6 9 Double Date 4374 Pam Thank you.
28510 6 9 Double Date 4374 Michael Today is about family.
28511 6 9 Double Date 4375 Pam Why did I get in the car? I could of struggled. I have a whistle in my purse I didn't even blow it.
28512 6 9 Double Date 4376 Andy Oh, Dwight. I have a little surprise for you.
28513 6 9 Double Date 4376 Dwight Let me guess-- you ate the bagel I gave you and loved it.
28514 6 9 Double Date 4376 Andy Yes! And I wanted to return the favor. I was polishing my loafers and I happened to look over and noticed that your brief case was a little worse for the wear, so a little elbow grease and she's polished right up, back up to her former glory.
28515 6 9 Double Date 4376 Dwight Wow--
28516 6 9 Double Date 4376 Andy Feel it against your cheek.
28517 6 9 Double Date 4376 Dwight I will.
28518 6 9 Double Date 4377 Andy You give me a gift-- Bam! Thank you note. You invite me somewhere-- Pow! RSVP. You do me a favor-- Wham! Favor returned. Do not test my politeness.
28519 6 9 Double Date 4378 Dwight Let me get that door for you--
28520 6 9 Double Date 4378 Andy Whoa--
28521 6 9 Double Date 4378 Dwight There you go!
28522 6 9 Double Date 4378 Andy Thank you very much. Now I've got it for you.
28523 6 9 Double Date 4378 Dwight Oh... goodness... thanks. You know, here's a healthy fitness tip. If you clench your buttocks together while walking you can really take the pressure off your knees.
28524 6 9 Double Date 4378 Andy Is that right?
28525 6 9 Double Date 4378 Dwight Observe.
28526 6 9 Double Date 4378 Andy Huh.
28527 6 9 Double Date 4378 Dwight Right?
28528 6 9 Double Date 4378 Andy That really works.
28529 6 9 Double Date 4378 Dwight Yeah, feel free to use that. Anytime. Okay.
28530 6 9 Double Date 4378 Andy Hey-- oh, hold on a second. Do not walk around with your jacket cattywampus.
28531 6 9 Double Date 4378 Dwight And that needs to be straight as an arrow.
28532 6 9 Double Date 4378 Andy Whoa-- thank you very much. Oh boy.
28533 6 9 Double Date 4378 Dwight Thank you very much for that.
28534 6 9 Double Date 4378 Andy You are very welcome.
28535 6 9 Double Date 4378 Dwight Have a seat. Allow me.
28536 6 9 Double Date 4378 Andy Have a seat yourself.
28537 6 9 Double Date 4378 Dwight You know what? I am going to preemptively change the batteries in your wireless mouse.
28538 6 9 Double Date 4378 Andy Not necessary.
28539 6 9 Double Date 4378 Dwight No, no, no!
28540 6 9 Double Date 4378 Andy You didn't have to do that.
28541 6 9 Double Date 4379 Dwight Andy is complicating things. But I'm not worried. This will only up my game.
28542 6 9 Double Date 4380 Michael Hello. Scott. Table for four.
28543 6 9 Double Date 4380 Hostess Welcome Scott family. It'll be just a moment.
28544 6 9 Double Date 4380 Pam I use to love coming here. The chicken parm is good. Big part of my childhood. Oh, maybe Michael will start dating that too.
28545 6 9 Double Date 4381 Michael What table should we take? So many to choose from.
28546 6 9 Double Date 4381 Jim Wow.
28547 6 9 Double Date 4381 Helene Oh my God!
28548 6 9 Double Date 4381 Michael What? All I see are boring old tables with no birthday decorations. Oh, wait a second! You mean this one? Wow!
28549 6 9 Double Date 4381 Pam Michael, you did all this?
28550 6 9 Double Date 4381 Michael Not about taking credit. Let's just say we all did it.
28551 6 9 Double Date 4381 Helene Well, thank you. All of you.
28552 6 9 Double Date 4381 Michael Well, it was actually me alone, so-- wow look at this place. Really makes me want to go to Italy some day.
28553 6 9 Double Date 4381 Helene Oh you'll love it. You can have my guide books. I think I'm done with those really long plane rides.
28554 6 9 Double Date 4381 Michael Oh. Thank you. Thanks for lending me the books.
28555 6 9 Double Date 4381 Pam So, mom... which birthday are we celebrating this year?
28556 6 9 Double Date 4381 Helene Sticking with 49.
28557 6 9 Double Date 4381 Pam 49 again? That's nine years in a row. This is now our longest family tradition.
28558 6 9 Double Date 4381 Michael That's funny.
28559 6 9 Double Date 4381 Helene Well, as long as you're running numbers Pam, then help me out with this one. Let's see your six months pregnant, but you've only been married for 30 days, so what does that add up to?
28560 6 9 Double Date 4381 Jim Oh, burn. Burn on you... and a little bit on me, too.
28561 6 9 Double Date 4381 Michael You're 54 years old.
28562 6 9 Double Date 4381 Helene No. I'm 58.
28563 6 9 Double Date 4381 Michael You're 58 years old?
28564 6 9 Double Date 4381 Helene Uh huh.
28565 6 9 Double Date 4381 Michael Congratulations.
28566 6 9 Double Date 4382 Michael The only time you should care about a woman's age is if she is too young for you and I am not robbing the cradle. If anything I am robbing the grave.
28567 6 9 Double Date 4383 Pam Mom, have you decided what you want to be called?
28568 6 9 Double Date 4383 Helene Oh, well I like Nana, but I also like the classic Grandma.
28569 6 9 Double Date 4383 Pam Please be Grandma.
28570 6 9 Double Date 4383 Jim Definitely Grandma.
28571 6 9 Double Date 4383 Pam I want you to be Grandma.
28572 6 9 Double Date 4383 Helene Oh, Michael what do you think? Grandma?
28573 6 9 Double Date 4383 Michael That--
28574 6 9 Double Date 4383 Pam Yay, Grandma!
28575 6 9 Double Date 4384 Michael Hey, would you guys ever do a triathlon, do you think?
28576 6 9 Double Date 4384 Pam Maybe.
28577 6 9 Double Date 4384 Michael Helene?
28578 6 9 Double Date 4384 Helene Oh, oh no. I don't think so.
28579 6 9 Double Date 4384 Michael I am. I'm definitely going to do it. I've already got the run and the bike thing down. Just need to learn how to swim. Come on, you in?
28580 6 9 Double Date 4384 Helene Oh no, I think a triathlon is pretty much something I can rule out. It just-- doesn't interest me.
28581 6 9 Double Date 4384 Michael So it's a matter of interest. Good, okay. It's not anything you would have ever done.
28582 6 9 Double Date 4384 Helene Hmm... I might have done it when I was younger, but now there's just other things I'd rather be doing, instead of running and jumping and swimming--
28583 6 9 Double Date 4384 Michael Well there's no jumping in a triathlon.
28584 6 9 Double Date 4384 Helene Oh--
28585 6 9 Double Date 4384 Michael You're thinking of the broad jump. Would you try-- bungee jumping?
28586 6 9 Double Date 4384 Helene No, no...
28587 6 9 Double Date 4384 Michael Snowboarding?
28588 6 9 Double Date 4384 Helene You want to go snowboarding?
28589 6 9 Double Date 4384 Michael I might.
28590 6 9 Double Date 4384 Helene Michael, what are you talking about?
28591 6 9 Double Date 4384 Michael Nothing. Just life-- and doing things-- before you die. I don't know.
28592 6 9 Double Date 4385 Michael Do I really want to go snowboarding? No. But I would like to if I wanted to.
28593 6 9 Double Date 4386 Andy Aye-yi-yi!
28594 6 9 Double Date 4386 Dwight What's going on in here?
28595 6 9 Double Date 4386 Oscar Andy bought lunch.
28596 6 9 Double Date 4386 Dwight Oh... no... really?
28597 6 9 Double Date 4386 Andy Yep, yep. Took a page right out of the old Schrute book of niceness.
28598 6 9 Double Date 4386 Dwight There is no book. There's only a survival guide.
28599 6 9 Double Date 4386 Andy You bought breakfast for everyone, so I got lunch for everyone.
28600 6 9 Double Date 4386 Dwight Okay, well, allow me. You know what-- gosh these tacos are awfully complicated to make. I will make everyone's tacos! Gra-ga-ga-ga-ga!
28601 6 9 Double Date 4387 Michael So we should get the check?
28602 6 9 Double Date 4387 Pam What about your gift Michael?
28603 6 9 Double Date 4387 Michael Oh, no, no, no. No. It's stupid. You'd hate it. I hate it.
28604 6 9 Double Date 4387 Helene I'm sure I won't.
28605 6 9 Double Date 4387 Michael Yes you will.
28606 6 9 Double Date 4387 Pam He locked himself in his office all morning working on it.
28607 6 9 Double Date 4387 Helene Gimme. Look at this wrapping paper. It's got the word love on it in every language.
28608 6 9 Double Date 4387 Pam Aww--
28609 6 9 Double Date 4387 Michael I literally-- I put no thought into the wrapping at all. Might as well of been toilet paper.
28610 6 9 Double Date 4387 Helene A scrapbook of our first memories by Michael Gary Scott. For my girlfriend Helene on your birthday.
28611 6 9 Double Date 4388 Michael That's just an arbitrary title.
28612 6 9 Double Date 4388 Helene Ok, there's a penny. What's that from?
28613 6 9 Double Date 4388 Jim Penny for your thoughts.
28614 6 9 Double Date 4388 Helene It was from the wishing well at the mall. You threw it in. I went back later, waded in and I found it.
28615 6 9 Double Date 4388 Jim Wow.
28616 6 9 Double Date 4388 Pam That's amazing.
28617 6 9 Double Date 4388 Michael It's not amazing... at all. It's sort of weird that I went and did that. And now your wish won't come true, so that blows.
28618 6 9 Double Date 4388 Helene A poem!
28619 6 9 Double Date 4388 Michael Oh that I plagiarized I think.
28620 6 9 Double Date 4388 Helene I can not go to school today said little Peggy Ann McKay...
28621 6 9 Double Date 4388 Jim Shel Silverstein.
28622 6 9 Double Date 4388 Pam Yeah.
28623 6 9 Double Date 4388 Helene Um-- I have the measles and the mumps, a gash, a rash and purple bumps. And my teachers really mean-- Happy Birthday , I love you Helene.
28624 6 9 Double Date 4388 Pam That's really nice Michael.
28625 6 9 Double Date 4388 Michael I think it sucks.
28626 6 9 Double Date 4388 Helene I think it's wonderful, absolutely wonderful.
28627 6 9 Double Date 4388 Michael Well, that's because you and I have very different tastes and you like lame things. It's a generational-- sort of gap between us.
28628 6 9 Double Date 4388 Helene God... it's a scrapbook.
28629 6 9 Double Date 4388 Pam Home run Michael.
28630 6 9 Double Date 4388 Jim You set the bar so high.
28631 6 9 Double Date 4388 Michael That was a bunt.
28632 6 9 Double Date 4389 Andy Whoa, whoa Dwight. I'm going to do this.
28633 6 9 Double Date 4389 Dwight Hey, hey, hey-- relax I got it covered.
28634 6 9 Double Date 4389 Andy No, I insist.
28635 6 9 Double Date 4389 Dwight No, no, no, no, no, no, I insist.
28636 6 9 Double Date 4389 Andy Ok, Dwight this is ridiculous.
28637 6 9 Double Date 4389 Dwight Don't worry about it. You can just owe me.
28638 6 9 Double Date 4390 Pam Hey. Where'd you go?
28639 6 9 Double Date 4390 Michael Oh, just went to the bathroom.
28640 6 9 Double Date 4390 Pam And then you stopped at the bar on the way back?
28641 6 9 Double Date 4390 Michael I got thirsty.
28642 6 9 Double Date 4390 Pam Okay, weirdo. Come on. It's time for cake.
28643 6 9 Double Date 4391 Michael Honestly, for a long time I thought I was going to grow old with Holly. And then I met Helene. And she is great and she already knows and has done everything that I have ever wanted to do and can tell me about it. But, I think I want to do those things myself.
28644 6 9 Double Date 4392 Pam Cakes really good.
28645 6 9 Double Date 4392 Helene Oh, I know. I love how they use butter cream frosting.
28646 6 9 Double Date 4392 Michael Finish your cake, Helene.
28647 6 9 Double Date 4392 Helene Hmmm?
28648 6 9 Double Date 4392 Michael I want you to enjoy that cake because I have something terrible I need to tell you. I want you to enjoy your cake before I tell you this terrible, terrible thing.
28649 6 9 Double Date 4393 Michael Helene I think you're a wonderful person and I-- God-- I've enjoyed dating you and being your boyfriend so much. But I have to consider Pam's feelings as a friend and a co-worker I can not in good conscience continue to date you, when I know what this is doing to her.
28650 6 9 Double Date 4393 Pam Michael. Michael ,it's okay.
28651 6 9 Double Date 4393 Michael No it's not.
28652 6 9 Double Date 4393 Pam I know that it took me a little while to come around and its still a little weird to get used to, but you obviously make my mom very happy. And that makes me happy.
28653 6 9 Double Date 4393 Michael Wow. That just-- you've really grown.
28654 6 9 Double Date 4393 Pam Well--
28655 6 9 Double Date 4393 Michael Thank you Pam. And I hope you are as gracious during this next part. Helene, once again you are a wonderful person and you have lived a great life and I envy it. And I want it someday, but just in the future. You need somebody who-- who understands your references. Who is Kafkaesque? I've never-- I don't know him. There's another woman. And her name is Italy... and skydiving... and bungee jumping.
28656 6 9 Double Date 4393 Jim Okay, so--
28657 6 9 Double Date 4393 Michael And I want kids. And you... unfortunately, have already completed that part of your journey down there.
28658 6 9 Double Date 4393 Pam Michael.
28659 6 9 Double Date 4393 Michael It's not my decision. It's mother nature. And mother has very strict rules about fer-- -- tility.
28660 6 9 Double Date 4393 Helene I, um-- I got it.
28661 6 9 Double Date 4394 Helene I'm 58. What am I supposed to do now?
28662 6 9 Double Date 4394 Michael Well, hobbies--
28663 6 9 Double Date 4394 Jim Stop.
28664 6 9 Double Date 4395 Andy Ahh.
28665 6 9 Double Date 4395 Dwight What's going on?
28666 6 9 Double Date 4395 Andy Stupid things wedged up there. No one in this office will help me.
28667 6 9 Double Date 4395 Dwight Alright, move it.
28668 6 9 Double Date 4396 Andy What if Dwight dies and I still owe him something? That is a recipe for a ghost.
28669 6 9 Double Date 4397 Dwight Oh yeah, you're going to owe me big time.
28670 6 9 Double Date 4397 Andy It's like a little envelope-- there you go.
28671 6 9 Double Date 4397 Dwight Got it. To Dwight. Wha-- Starbucks gift card.
28672 6 9 Double Date 4397 Andy Surprise! It's from everybody. $15 value.
28673 6 9 Double Date 4398 Dwight Dammit. I am no closer to taking Jim down. What a waste of a day. I could of grown poisoned mushrooms that would have been this high by now. They're mushrooms. They don't get that high.
28674 6 9 Double Date 4399 Michael Pamela Beesly Halpert--
28675 6 9 Double Date 4399 Pam What?
28676 6 9 Double Date 4399 Michael May I have a word with you in my office please?
28677 6 9 Double Date 4399 Pam I am working.
28678 6 9 Double Date 4399 Michael Well, this is a work related matter.
28679 6 9 Double Date 4399 Pam Really?
28680 6 9 Double Date 4399 Michael Yes.
28681 6 9 Double Date 4399 Pam Really?
28682 6 9 Double Date 4399 Michael Yes. Join me please, won't you? I am going to give you a raise.
28683 6 9 Double Date 4399 Pam Why?
28684 6 9 Double Date 4399 Michael Because of all the good work you've done.
28685 6 9 Double Date 4399 Pam I have the lowest sales record of anyone here.
28686 6 9 Double Date 4399 Michael That's-- no, no-- it's not about numbers, Pam. It's about attitude.
28687 6 9 Double Date 4399 Pam I have the worst attitude of any person here.
28688 6 9 Double Date 4399 Michael Do you want the raise or what?
28689 6 9 Double Date 4399 Pam Yeah, I'll take it.
28690 6 9 Double Date 4399 Michael Hey, Pam, Pam-- with this raise there are strings attached. And the string is attached from my heart to your mean attitude.
28691 6 9 Double Date 4399 Pam You're bribing me?
28692 6 9 Double Date 4399 Michael No! No-- no I am not. Unless you want me to. DO you want me to? Cause I will. I will bribe you. No. Your face is saying don't-- unless I haven't offered you enough... your face isn't changing. What is it? Talk to me face. Tell me what Pam's brain is thinking. Come on! What do you want? What do you want? Do you want a million dollars? Do you want to hit me? Want me to get down on one knee and beg you or--
28693 6 9 Double Date 4399 Pam I want to hit you.
28694 6 9 Double Date 4399 Michael What?
28695 6 9 Double Date 4399 Pam I want to hit you. I'll do that.
28696 6 9 Double Date 4399 Michael Oh-- okay , what? I don't-- Are you kidding?
28697 6 9 Double Date 4399 Pam No. Are you kidding?
28698 6 9 Double Date 4399 Michael Ye-- No. Alright. I'll take off my jacket and tense my stomach and you can just--
28699 6 9 Double Date 4399 Pam No. I don't think I can hit you in the office.
28700 6 9 Double Date 4399 Michael Okay.
28701 6 9 Double Date 4399 Pam So, um... we'll do it after work. In the parking lot. In front of everyone. I'm going to hit you as hard as I can.
28702 6 9 Double Date 4399 Michael Okay.
28703 6 9 Double Date 4399 Pam Okay.
28704 6 9 Double Date 4399 Michael Okay.
28705 6 9 Double Date 4399 Pam See you then.
28706 6 9 Double Date 4399 Michael See you.
28707 6 9 Double Date 4400 Ryan Hey.
28708 6 9 Double Date 4400 Michael Hey.
28709 6 9 Double Date 4400 Ryan Quick question.
28710 6 9 Double Date 4400 Kelly Yeah.
28711 6 9 Double Date 4400 Ryan Are you scared?
28712 6 9 Double Date 4400 Michael Never. About what? A little-- what are you talking--
28713 6 9 Double Date 4400 Ryan We heard about the punch.
28714 6 9 Double Date 4400 Michael What punch?
28715 6 9 Double Date 4400 Kelly Pam. She's going to punch the crap out of your face after work.
28716 6 9 Double Date 4400 Michael I'm pretty sure we said slap.
28717 6 9 Double Date 4400 Kelly No, it's a punch and Pam has that crazy pregnancy strength now.
28718 6 9 Double Date 4400 Ryan I'm getting concerned that you don't seem to understand what's going to happen. Do you?
28719 6 9 Double Date 4400 Michael I-- mmm-- I'm good.
28720 6 9 Double Date 4400 Ryan alright. See you there.
28721 6 9 Double Date 4401 Michael Hey.
28722 6 9 Double Date 4401 Jim Hey.
28723 6 9 Double Date 4401 Michael Do you and Pam ever get frisky?
28724 6 9 Double Date 4401 Jim Inappropriate.
28725 6 9 Double Date 4401 Michael I mean-- do you ever wrestle with each other?
28726 6 9 Double Date 4401 Jim All the time.
28727 6 9 Double Date 4401 Michael Really?
28728 6 9 Double Date 4401 Jim Yeah.
28729 6 9 Double Date 4401 Michael She strong?
28730 6 9 Double Date 4401 Jim She wants it bad Michael.
28731 6 9 Double Date 4401 Michael Can you stop this?
28732 6 9 Double Date 4401 Jim I can.
28733 6 9 Double Date 4401 Michael Okay.
28734 6 9 Double Date 4401 Jim And I don't support her choice to hit you.
28735 6 9 Double Date 4401 Michael I don't either.
28736 6 9 Double Date 4401 Jim But at the same time she looks crazy and I do understand her reasoning.
28737 6 9 Double Date 4401 Michael Mmm-hmm. I know.
28738 6 9 Double Date 4401 Jim I just need some time.
28739 6 9 Double Date 4401 Michael You gotta do something--
28740 6 9 Double Date 4401 Jim I just need some time. Just give me some time to make a decision.
28741 6 9 Double Date 4401 Michael How much time do you think you'll need?
28742 6 9 Double Date 4401 Jim No more than a week. Maybe two weeks.
28743 6 9 Double Date 4401 Michael Come on, man!
28744 6 9 Double Date 4402 Toby Pam, can I talk to you for a second?
28745 6 9 Double Date 4402 Pam Oh...
28746 6 9 Double Date 4402 Toby I heard about the hit. Just-- make sure it's off company property, right?
28747 6 9 Double Date 4402 Pam Right.
28748 6 9 Double Date 4402 Toby Okay, I think we should probably be okay.
28749 6 9 Double Date 4402 Pam Okay.
28750 6 9 Double Date 4402 Toby Okay. And-- the-the power-- comes from the back foot. So its-- its all one motion through the-- body. So you stay a little low and there's a twist. You keep your shoulder down and you kind of throw out the arm. Pow!
28751 6 9 Double Date 4402 Pam Okay wait-- it's-- you're saying it comes from the foot.
28752 6 9 Double Date 4402 Toby Yes.
28753 6 9 Double Date 4402 Pam Okay.
28754 6 9 Double Date 4402 Toby Yes.
28755 6 9 Double Date 4402 Pam Wow!
28756 6 9 Double Date 4402 Toby Okay.
28757 6 9 Double Date 4403 Meredith Hey everybody, he's not in the men's room although the seat was warm so we may have just missed him.
28758 6 9 Double Date 4403 Kevin My money's on Pam.
28759 6 9 Double Date 4403 Oscar It's not a fight. What other outcome could there be?
28760 6 9 Double Date 4403 Kevin Michael could win.
28761 6 9 Double Date 4403 Oscar How? He can't hit back.
28762 6 9 Double Date 4403 Kevin Why can't you just agree with me sometimes?
28763 6 9 Double Date 4404 Michael Am I scared of getting hit in the face? No. Everyday weirdo's pay dominatrix's hundreds of dollars for that very privilege. I'm scared I'm gonna love it. Let's do this.
28764 6 9 Double Date 4405 Michael It's okay guys... I can handle this. Everybody can go home.
28765 6 9 Double Date 4405 Kevin We're here for the show, Michael.
28766 6 9 Double Date 4405 Michael You're just a bunch of voyeurs. Are you eating popcorn?
28767 6 9 Double Date 4405 Kelly It has almost no calories.
28768 6 9 Double Date 4405 Pam Are you ready?
28769 6 9 Double Date 4405 Michael Yes.
28770 6 9 Double Date 4405 Pam You have to keep your hands down, Michael.
28771 6 9 Double Date 4405 Michael I know. Okay. Alright. Oh-- God!
28772 6 9 Double Date 4405 Pam Michael, you have to put your hands down.
28773 6 9 Double Date 4405 Angela Put your hands in your pockets.
28774 6 9 Double Date 4405 Michael Okay! Pam, Pam-- I'm really sorry. I'm sorry.
28775 6 9 Double Date 4405 Pam What are you sorry for?
28776 6 9 Double Date 4405 Michael So many things. I don't know. It's hard to choose.
28777 6 9 Double Date 4405 Pam How about for dating my mom?
28778 6 9 Double Date 4405 Michael Maybe that--
28779 6 9 Double Date 4405 Pam And dumping her on her birthday.
28780 6 9 Double Date 4405 Michael Yes.
28781 6 9 Double Date 4405 Pam Okay-- just-- don't ever date a member of my family again.
28782 6 9 Double Date 4405 Michael Okay. I promise. For the record your mom came on to me.
28783 6 9 Double Date 4405 Phyllis Holy crap.
28784 6 9 Double Date 4405 Pam Are you okay?
28785 6 9 Double Date 4405 Michael No!
28786 6 9 Double Date 4405 Pam You're okay.
28787 6 9 Double Date 4405 Jim Feel better?
28788 6 9 Double Date 4405 Pam No. You were right.
28789 6 9 Double Date 4405 Dwight Wait, why are you limping?
28790 6 9 Double Date 4405 Michael I don't know.
28791 6 9 Double Date 4405 Dwight Let's get some raw meat on that face. I got a chicken in the freezer upstairs.
28792 6 9 Double Date 4406 Michael As I watched Pam's big, strong hand coming towards my face I saw my entire life flash before my eyes. And guess what? I have four kids. And I have a hover-car and a hover-house. And my wife is a runner and it shows. And Pam and Jim are my best friends and our kids play together. And I am happy and I am rich and I never die. It doesn't sound like much, but its enough for me.
28793 6 9 Double Date 4407 Michael Ahh...
28794 6 9 Double Date 4407 Dwight Good, good. Keep it on there for another five minutes. Just let the swelling go down.
28795 6 9 Double Date 4407 Michael Oh thank you. Thanks. I owe you one Dwight.
28796 6 9 Double Date 4407 Dwight Fire Jim.
28797 6 9 Double Date 4407 Michael No.
28798 6 9 Double Date 4407 Dwight I'm cashing in the favor. Fire him.
28799 6 9 Double Date 4407 Michael What are you talking about--
28800 6 9 Double Date 4407 Dwight Do it. Promote me. Tri-managers.
28801 6 9 Double Date 4407 Michael Forget that.
28802 6 9 Double Date 4407 Dwight Can I have an office?
28803 6 9 Double Date 4407 Michael No.
28804 6 9 Double Date 4407 Dwight You know what you can keep your stupid favor. It's worthless. And this is my dinner on your face. I'm keeping it.
28805 6 9 Double Date 4407 Michael Oh that feels better.
28806 6 10 Murder 4408 Dwight Got you! Broken arm! Boom Boom Boom! Broken Nose! Boom Boom Boom Boom! Broken Nose! Boom! Ha, gonna flip you!
28807 6 10 Murder 4409 Jim Once a year Dwight holds a seminar updating us on the newest developments in the world of karate... because as we all know, the one thing thousand year martial arts do all the time is change.
28808 6 10 Murder 4410 Dwight How can I pose this to you in a relatable way? You are all members of the Yakuza and you happen to be visiting the Lackawanna trolley museum... and you are attacked by triads... how can you hold them off until your clan arrives? You cannot go wrong with a throat punch
28809 6 10 Murder 4410 Jim OK, so there's no defense for that, good to know.
28810 6 10 Murder 4410 Dwight No, there is a defense for that. Let me demonstrate. Someone attack me. Kevin, go!
28811 6 10 Murder 4410 Kevin No way. Last time you pulled my pants down and then you tried to choke me with my shoelace.
28812 6 10 Murder 4410 Dwight False. I did choke you with your shoelace. Now come at me!
28813 6 10 Murder 4410 Jim OK, with all due respect to everyone here, I think the most worthy opponent of you is you.
28814 6 10 Murder 4410 Dwight That is correct. Unless there happened to be measles present.
28815 6 10 Murder 4410 Jim So let's just say that Dwight has come at you with the throat punch. Now how would you, Dwight, defend against it?
28816 6 10 Murder 4410 Dwight Easy. Allow me to demonstrate. I am attacking myself with a throat punch. Here it comes. Block. Grasp wrist as such.
28817 6 10 Murder 4410 Jim And what if he comes at you with the other hand, because he does have two.
28818 6 10 Murder 4410 Dwight Good point. Second, throat punch, absorb the blow. Groin punch, hip block, elbow to the gut. Uh oh, up to the nose. No, you're not. Ow! Oh!
28819 6 10 Murder 4410 Jim Oh my God, he's making you look like such a fool.
28820 6 10 Murder 4410 Dwight He really is, but not for long. Ow! Instep, oh, not again. You let go, you let go. Oh, you're right, I can't hold on.
28821 6 10 Murder 4410 Jim You two are so evenly matched I don't know how one of you is going to get the upper hand.
28822 6 10 Murder 4410 Dwight The important thing to remember Jim... we always have what is called the element of surprise.
28823 6 10 Murder 4411 Michael But I would say my favorite art form is a tie between sculpting and stand up comedy.
28824 6 10 Murder 4411 Andy I did stand up comedy once.
28825 6 10 Murder 4411 Michael You did?
28826 6 10 Murder 4411 Andy Yeah, I killed.
28827 6 10 Murder 4411 Michael That sounds like it was hilarious.
28828 6 10 Murder 4411 Andy It was hilarious.
28829 6 10 Murder 4412 Dwight Michael?
28830 6 10 Murder 4412 Michael Yes?
28831 6 10 Murder 4412 Dwight What is the meaning of this email that everyone got?
28832 6 10 Murder 4412 Michael You'll have to be more specific Dwight, I get like eight emails a day.
28833 6 10 Murder 4412 Dwight This one, from David Wallace to all Dunder Mifflin.
28834 6 10 Murder 4412 Michael Woo hoo, shout out!
28835 6 10 Murder 4412 Dwight Hello everyone I am sure you have seen the item in the Journal. I just want to stress that it's all conjecture. If there's any concrete news you will know ASAP.
28836 6 10 Murder 4412 Michael Erin, do we have the journal?
28837 6 10 Murder 4412 Erin Your feelings journal? You told me to put it in the time capsule.
28838 6 10 Murder 4412 Michael Did you?
28839 6 10 Murder 4412 Pam Michael, he means the Wall Street Journal online.
28840 6 10 Murder 4412 Michael Oh, the Wall.
28841 6 10 Murder 4413 Oscar I found the article. "On a day marked by panicked corporate board meetings, one that is relatively not surprising is Dunder Mifflin's. It is rumored that they will recommend... " and the article cuts off.
28842 6 10 Murder 4413 Michael It's $1.99 to finish the article. I wonder what it was going to say?
28843 6 10 Murder 4413 Jim Are you serious?
28844 6 10 Murder 4413 Andy I got it, I got it... Oh, Tuna beat me to it.
28845 6 10 Murder 4413 Phyllis "It is rumored that they will recommend declaring bankruptcy."
28846 6 10 Murder 4413 Michael No, no, that doesn't make any sense.
28847 6 10 Murder 4413 Stanley Oh lord, we're all gonna lose our jobs.
28848 6 10 Murder 4413 Oscar Not necessarily, bankruptcy could mean a lot of things. Maybe they're just restructuring to get out of debt.
28849 6 10 Murder 4413 Michael Oh, that sounds awful.
28850 6 10 Murder 4413 Oscar Or it could mean the end of Dunder Mifflin.
28851 6 10 Murder 4413 Michael Oh God. Well, that's an interesting theory.
28852 6 10 Murder 4413 Dwight You know what? You can all have jobs at Schrute Farms as human scarecrows. It doesn't pay much and you can't unionize.
28853 6 10 Murder 4414 David Wallace's Secretary I'm sorry, Michael, David's in a meeting.
28854 6 10 Murder 4414 Michael Ah, well maybe you should spy on him. Oh my God, wouldn't that be hilarious!
28855 6 10 Murder 4414 David Wallace's Secretary Um, I'll just have him call you back.
28856 6 10 Murder 4414 Michael OK, OK. Good. I'll catch you on the flippity flip. Bye. He's busy, he'll call me back when he's free.
28857 6 10 Murder 4415 Kevin Michael, are you OK? Did you throw up in there?
28858 6 10 Murder 4415 Michael No, I'm just poopin'. You know how I be.
28859 6 10 Murder 4415 Kevin It smells like throw up in here.
28860 6 10 Murder 4415 Michael Crazy world. Lotta smells.
28861 6 10 Murder 4416 Kelly Guys, what if this is our last day at work? What if we never see each other ever again?
28862 6 10 Murder 4417 Andy I like Erin. There, I said it. I was kinda hoping she would ask me out, but things have not panned out on that front, so... it is time for the Nard Dog to take matters into his own paws.
28863 6 10 Murder 4418 Jim We have to do something because people are losing it out there wondering what's going to happen.
28864 6 10 Murder 4418 Michael OK, we need some sort of distraction for everybody. Anything new on YouTube? Doesn't even need to be good. Oh God, I can't think, need more Mullins.
28865 6 10 Murder 4418 Jim Listen, Wallace said these were just rumors, right? So we have no reason to think the company is anything but fine. So if we just go on with our work, you and me, they'll follow along.
28866 6 10 Murder 4418 Michael Monkey see, monkey do.
28867 6 10 Murder 4418 Jim That's it.
28868 6 10 Murder 4418 Michael Monkey pee all over you.
28869 6 10 Murder 4418 Jim That rhymes, so what have we on the docket today?
28870 6 10 Murder 4418 Michael We have a monthly staff meeting
28871 6 10 Murder 4418 Jim Alright, let's conference room it up! Here's the deal guys. There is no new information as of yet, so I suggest we all just keep working.
28872 6 10 Murder 4419 Jim Sure I'm a little nervous, but doing our work will make us feel better. I only slack off when things are good.
28873 6 10 Murder 4420 Jim Customers have to use the coupon code from the website. And as of now there is no differentiation between the letter O and the zero, but we are working on that. Stay tuned for that.
28874 6 10 Murder 4420 Dwight He needs me. Seat saved infinity.
28875 6 10 Murder 4420 Jim OK, great.
28876 6 10 Murder 4420 Michael What? Oh my God! There has been a murder. There's been a murder in Savannah.
28877 6 10 Murder 4421 Michael Games have the power to distract people from stressful situations. Battleship got me through my parents' divorce. Operation got me through my vasectomy, i.e., my operation. I don't think I would have been able to endure my breakup with Holly had it not been for Toss Across.
28878 6 10 Murder 4422 Meredith Belles, Bourbon and Bullets, a murder mystery dinner party game.
28879 6 10 Murder 4422 Michael It is so much fun. Everybody plays a character, we go around the room, we try to figure out who did it...
28880 6 10 Murder 4422 Jim Hey, I am wondering if this is a, uh, terrible idea.
28881 6 10 Murder 4422 Michael This is my call Jim, big picture stuff, it's about murder.
28882 6 10 Murder 4422 Jim I thought we agreed that we wouldn't do things like this.
28883 6 10 Murder 4422 Michael Tube City, you owe me one.
28884 6 10 Murder 4423 Jim Co-managing is a give and take. You have to pick your battles. One of the battles that I picked was to stop Michael from running plastic tubes all over the office and placing hamsters inside of them. He was going to call it Tube City. So, yes, I do owe him one.
28885 6 10 Murder 4424 Voice on CD player August the 5th, 1955. It's a sad day down here in Savannah. Local magnate Bill Bourbon was killed last night and all y'all have congregated tonight for a meal to celebrate Bill as he passes on to his great reward. You're not just here to pay your respects, you have to figure out which of y'all is the no-count scoundrel who killed him.
28886 6 10 Murder 4424 Stanley This is ridiculous.
28887 6 10 Murder 4424 Michael There will be food. You leave, you do not get food.
28888 6 10 Murder 4424 Stanley What kind of food?
28889 6 10 Murder 4424 Michael Sandwich platters.
28890 6 10 Murder 4424 Stanley I'm in.
28891 6 10 Murder 4424 Michael Baby carrots.
28892 6 10 Murder 4425 Michael OK, here are your character cards. Take one, pass it down. Here is your prop box, some of your characters will have props. Now, on your character card, it tells you who you are, and what your alibi is. Everything else is up to your imagination. So, if you talk slowly in real life, your character could, say, have been kicked in the head by a horse.
28893 6 10 Murder 4425 Kevin Whoa, I'll try it.
28894 6 10 Murder 4425 Michael OK, use your imaginations.
28895 6 10 Murder 4426 Andy Who'd you get?
28896 6 10 Murder 4426 Erin Naughty Nellie Nutmeg, a vivacious young socialite with a penchant for scandal.
28897 6 10 Murder 4426 Andy Oooooo, saucy.
28898 6 10 Murder 4426 Erin How about you?
28899 6 10 Murder 4426 Andy Nathaniel Nutmeg, the local bartender and Nellie's brother.
28900 6 10 Murder 4427 Angela Michael, I don't like this game. It's scary.
28901 6 10 Murder 4427 Michael It's not scary.
28902 6 10 Murder 4427 Angela I don't like my character.
28903 6 10 Murder 4427 Pam Who are you?
28904 6 10 Murder 4427 Angela Voodoo Mama Juju, the witch doctor of the Savannah swamps. I'm not comfortable with this.
28905 6 10 Murder 4427 Michael Well how do you think I feel? I mean I have to play Caleb Crawdad, handsome playboy. Every night, a different woman. Being oogled. Having to hug and kiss and spoon, I make them feel beautiful.
28906 6 10 Murder 4428 Michael Well, well, well. What is this contraption, I do declare?
28907 6 10 Murder 4428 Oscar It's my blackberry Michael, I am trying to get updates on the company.
28908 6 10 Murder 4428 Michael Who's Michael? I'm Caleb Crawdad, I do declare.
28909 6 10 Murder 4428 Ryan You don't have to keep saying "I do declare". Any time you say something it means you are declaring.
28910 6 10 Murder 4428 Michael That is the way Southern people talk.
28911 6 10 Murder 4428 Jim And what Designing Woman are you basing that on?
28912 6 10 Murder 4428 Michael Delta Burke, I do declare. Now, shall we get to the mystery?
28913 6 10 Murder 4428 Pam I'll go. My name is Deborah U. Tante. Deb for short.
28914 6 10 Murder 4428 Andy That's clever, Debutante.
28915 6 10 Murder 4428 Pam Bill Bourbon was my uncle. I would have never hurt him any more than I'd hurt a June bug.
28916 6 10 Murder 4428 Meredith Nice accent. You sound like Forrest Gump.
28917 6 10 Murder 4428 Pam I do not.
28918 6 10 Murder 4428 Andy Well, you do actually. You've got this kinda like Florida Panhandle thing going, whereas what you really want is more of a Savannah accent, which is more like molasses just sorta spillin' out of your mouth.
28919 6 10 Murder 4428 Kevin Oooo, now do the Swedish chef.
28920 6 10 Murder 4428 Andy Uh, not familiar, what province is he from?
28921 6 10 Murder 4428 Kevin He lives on Sesame Street, dumbass.
28922 6 10 Murder 4429 Phyllis You know, I think I'm supposed to say something to Pam, I mean, Deb, OK? I overheard you asking the butler where the pistol was kept.
28923 6 10 Murder 4429 Dwight Wait a minute, wait a minute. I'm the butler. You were listening in on that? You rich people. You think you can do whatever you want to the servant class!
28924 6 10 Murder 4429 Michael No, no, no. Don't turn this into a political thing.
28925 6 10 Murder 4429 Dwight I will poison your food.
28926 6 10 Murder 4430 Andy I reckon I got something to say to Miss Beatrix Bourbon, if'n she don't mind.
28927 6 10 Murder 4430 Michael Oooooo, doggie, we got a party now!
28928 6 10 Murder 4431 Michael I do believe that the game is a big hit. People are really diving into their characters.
28929 6 10 Murder 4432 Kevin Y'all.
28930 6 10 Murder 4433 Creed Sorry I'm late, boss. What's going on?
28931 6 10 Murder 4433 Michael Sir, there has been a murder, and you are a suspect.
28932 6 10 Murder 4433 Creed OK. Hang on just a second. Let me just settle in and I'll be right back.
28933 6 10 Murder 4433 Michael Very good, very good. Now, no one was there in the wine cellar.
28934 6 10 Murder 4434 Andy Hey there young lady.
28935 6 10 Murder 4434 Erin Hello.
28936 6 10 Murder 4434 Andy I would be remiss if I did not ask the pretty young lady out on a date for this weekend.
28937 6 10 Murder 4434 Erin Sounds like a plan, Sugar.
28938 6 10 Murder 4434 Andy Alright, a plan it is.
28939 6 10 Murder 4435 Dwight Voodoo Mama Juju, explain your dalliance with the Dark Arts.
28940 6 10 Murder 4435 Angela It's not my fault, I was exposed to Harry Potter.
28941 6 10 Murder 4435 Dwight I know you did it!
28942 6 10 Murder 4436 Dwight I know she didn't do it. It's never the person you most suspect. It's also never the person you least suspect, since anyone with half a brain would suspect them the most. Therefore I know the killer to be Phyllis, AKA Beatrix Bourbon, the person I most medium suspect.
28943 6 10 Murder 4437 Kevin Do you want to go out on a date with me? We can make out by the horses.
28944 6 10 Murder 4437 Erin Well, you know ol' Nellie's always up for a romp in the hay.
28945 6 10 Murder 4437 Meredith How about a threesome?
28946 6 10 Murder 4437 Erin Yeah, my boudoir's always open.
28947 6 10 Murder 4437 Kevin Nice.
28948 6 10 Murder 4438 Andy I'm a little worried I might have asked out Naughty Nellie and not Erin. Which would be a whole lot less appealing, because Naughty Nellie says yes to everyone. And she might be a murderer.
28949 6 10 Murder 4439 Oscar I just got an email from corporate, specifically for Accounting to stop all payments to our vendors.
28950 6 10 Murder 4439 Phyllis What does that mean?
28951 6 10 Murder 4439 Oscar Well, maybe nothing but it could mean a problem with liquidity-
28952 6 10 Murder 4439 Michael Whoa. What's this strange Yankee accent coming out of your mouth, son? This here's Savannah.
28953 6 10 Murder 4439 Oscar This plantation, we're running low on greenbacks. We're having problems paying the people who give us the seeds and the dirt. We can't pay... - Michael, I can't - Basically it could mean a lot of things, but it is unprecedented, so it's cause for concern.
28954 6 10 Murder 4439 Jim OK, I'm going back to work.
28955 6 10 Murder 4439 Michael No no no no no no no. I'm going to skip forward to a relevant clue. Here we go.
28956 6 10 Murder 4440 Voice on CD player Well by now you've figured out that ol' Beatrix Bourbon was the killer.
28957 6 10 Murder 4440 Phyllis Michael, I was doing so well.
28958 6 10 Murder 4440 Michael Are you going to believe that? That is a mis- that's a misdirection. We still don't know who the murderer is. Nellie Nutmeg, come back in here. I can't do this myself. Voodoo Mama Juju... what am I gonna do?
28959 6 10 Murder 4441 Jim OK, so Corporate is still in their meeting.
28960 6 10 Murder 4441 Kevin That could be a good sign.
28961 6 10 Murder 4441 Angela Hey everyone, Kevin's going to give us his take on the situation. Let's listen up.
28962 6 10 Murder 4441 Jim Alright guys, it's a work day and you guys work here, so let's go do some work.
28963 6 10 Murder 4441 Kevin Now, Jim telling us all to work? I think that is a very good sign.
28964 6 10 Murder 4441 Angela Don't just say things.
28965 6 10 Murder 4441 Jim Oh, hey, Michael. Listen, I brought up those sales targets. Do you want to-
28966 6 10 Murder 4441 Michael I do believe you have me mistaken, my name is Caleb Crawdad. Y'all skedaddled way too soon. We need to reopen this case.
28967 6 10 Murder 4441 Jim No, you're not reopening the case. The case is closed.
28968 6 10 Murder 4441 Michael No it ain't.
28969 6 10 Murder 4442 Dwight Frankly, I'm not surprised. A lot of the evidence seemed to be based on puns.
28970 6 10 Murder 4443 Andy Just thinking about Weekend at Bernie's. It's funny, the guy's dead the whole time.
28971 6 10 Murder 4443 Erin I haven't seen it.
28972 6 10 Murder 4443 Andy Speaking of weekends, you excited about our date this weekend?
28973 6 10 Murder 4443 Erin Of course, Nathaniel.
28974 6 10 Murder 4443 Andy Yeah, OK.
28975 6 10 Murder 4443 Erin Where are you taking me?
28976 6 10 Murder 4443 Andy Well, finest steakhouse in all Savannah.
28977 6 10 Murder 4443 Erin Savannah? That's a far way from Scranton.
28978 6 10 Murder 4443 Andy Did you mean a real date?
28979 6 10 Murder 4443 Erin No. Did you?
28980 6 10 Murder 4443 Andy Totally... not.
28981 6 10 Murder 4444 Erin I thought it was for real. So I was excited, but it was just, it was part of the game.
28982 6 10 Murder 4445 Dwight You're sure it was water, it couldn't have been acid?
28983 6 10 Murder 4445 Michael I already declared you, it was too dark to tell.
28984 6 10 Murder 4445 Dwight Stop playing games with me, Crawdad.
28985 6 10 Murder 4445 Michael This is not a game, this is my life. You are out of order, sir.
28986 6 10 Murder 4445 Dwight Answer me.
28987 6 10 Murder 4445 Michael You are out of order.
28988 6 10 Murder 4445 Dwight You are out of order.
28989 6 10 Murder 4445 Michael You are-
28990 6 10 Murder 4446 Pam I think Michael may have snapped.
28991 6 10 Murder 4446 Jim Or maybe he's just stuck in character.
28992 6 10 Murder 4446 Pam Well, which is worse? Snapped or stuck?
28993 6 10 Murder 4446 Jim Both. They're both worse.
28994 6 10 Murder 4447 Jim It's going to be alright. We're a good company, we'll figure this out. We're not going under.
28995 6 10 Murder 4447 Pam Jim, what if we both lose our jobs? I'm trying to think of a way that this all ends up fine, and I can't think of one.
28996 6 10 Murder 4448 Michael Deb, what in the world - do you have the vapors?
28997 6 10 Murder 4448 Jim Michael, not now.
28998 6 10 Murder 4448 Michael Can't wait, we have to get you to our witch doctor right now. Come on. Come on.
28999 6 10 Murder 4448 Pam I should just go. Where to now Caleb?
29000 6 10 Murder 4448 Michael To Mama Juju Boo Boo.
29001 6 10 Murder 4449 Jim Michael, can I... OK, I'm just going to skip right past the what and go with why.
29002 6 10 Murder 4449 Michael Because this is the recreation of a crime scene.
29003 6 10 Murder 4449 Meredith I'm the dead body and these are my brain chunks.
29004 6 10 Murder 4449 Dwight Hey shut up. You're dead.
29005 6 10 Murder 4449 Jim Michael, can I talk to you in your office?
29006 6 10 Murder 4449 Michael No Michael here, my name is-
29007 6 10 Murder 4449 Jim Caleb!
29008 6 10 Murder 4450 Jim Today of all days...
29009 6 10 Murder 4450 Michael No, you shut up. They need this game, Jim. Let us have this stupid little game, alright?
29010 6 10 Murder 4451 Michael Oh, you startled me. My stars, my heart nearly leapt out of my chest. What can I do you for?
29011 6 10 Murder 4451 Erin Wallace is on the phone. He's returning your call.
29012 6 10 Murder 4451 Michael Detective Wallace?
29013 6 10 Murder 4451 Erin I don't think so. I think it's David Wallace from Dunder Mifflin.
29014 6 10 Murder 4451 Michael Aw, shucks, tell him I'm not here.
29015 6 10 Murder 4451 Oscar You're not gonna answer the phone?
29016 6 10 Murder 4451 Michael No, I only answer to Detective Wallace 'cause I got a warm body in the other room.
29017 6 10 Murder 4451 Jim I'll take it.
29018 6 10 Murder 4452 Jim Hey David.
29019 6 10 Murder 4452 David Hey, sorry to be getting back to you guys so late. Things are still a bit unclear, we didn't officially decide anything yet.
29020 6 10 Murder 4452 Jim Oh, OK.
29021 6 10 Murder 4452 David But if I can be candid with you here Jim, it's not good. We fully expect to be out of money by the end of the year. Insolvent. So, well... You know what? I'm sorry, I have to run. But we will talk soon, OK?
29022 6 10 Murder 4452 Jim Sure. Oh, you know, while I have you... today I was working on this pitch for a supermarket chain, and it would actually be a big account and I wanted to-
29023 6 10 Murder 4452 David You know what? I can't really get my head around anything like that right now, but that's great. Keep after it, but I gotta run.
29024 6 10 Murder 4452 Jim OK.
29025 6 10 Murder 4452 David Thanks Jim.
29026 6 10 Murder 4452 Jim See ya.
29027 6 10 Murder 4453 Pam What's the news?
29028 6 10 Murder 4453 Jim Nothing yet.
29029 6 10 Murder 4453 Phyllis Well, I guess that's not-
29030 6 10 Murder 4453 Jim Well there is some bad news. There has been another murder.
29031 6 10 Murder 4453 Michael A murder, you say? I do declare.
29032 6 10 Murder 4453 Jim Conference room everyone.
29033 6 10 Murder 4453 Stanley Do we have to play?
29034 6 10 Murder 4453 Jim No.
29035 6 10 Murder 4453 Stanley Super.
29036 6 10 Murder 4453 Dwight Oh, this could be a juicy one.
29037 6 10 Murder 4453 Michael Get in there!
29038 6 10 Murder 4454 Jim I think today was a good day to have two managers. 'Cause if you're a family stuck on a lifeboat in the middle of the ocean, one parent might want to just keep rowing. But if the other parent wants to play a game, it's not because they're crazy. It's because they're doing it for the kids. And I get that now.
29039 6 10 Murder 4455 Michael There has been a lot of murder and a lot of intrigue. My little heart can barely take it no more. Today is the hardest I have worked in a long, long time.
29040 6 10 Murder 4456 Andy I didn't do it!
29041 6 10 Murder 4456 Dwight OK, everybody just calm down.
29042 6 10 Murder 4456 Andy I am calm.
29043 6 10 Murder 4456 Michael On the count of three we're all going to put down our guns.
29044 6 10 Murder 4456 Dwight I have crossbows.
29045 6 10 Murder 4456 Michael We'll put down our weaponry on the count of three, you ready?
29046 6 10 Murder 4456 Dwight OK, I'm ready.
29047 6 10 Murder 4456 Michael One, two, three..
29048 6 10 Murder 4457 Jim Andy revealed himself to be a double agent. At which point Dwight felt comfortable revealing that he also was double agent. And then Michael announced to everybody that - get this- he was a double agent. Oh, and it is 6:00.
29049 6 10 Murder 4458 Jim Really?
29050 6 10 Murder 4458 Pam It wasn't me. I'm not goin' down for this!
29051 6 10 Murder 4458 Jim Yeah, I want to go home.
29052 6 10 Murder 4458 Pam Get the keys out of my purse, start the car.
29053 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4459 Oscar Not again.
29054 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4459 Dwight Bow down before Recyclops.
29055 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4460 Jim Five years ago, corporate said we had to start a recycling program for Earth Day so Dwight took the lead on that and introduced us to a very close friend of his named Recyclops.
29056 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4461 Dwight Happy Earth Day, everyone. I'm Recyclops. Did you know that an old milk carton can be sawed in half and used as a planter?
29057 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4462 Jim The next year he really stepped things up.
29058 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4463 Dwight Who has put a number seven plastic in a number four bin?
29059 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4464 Jim A year after that Recylcops really began to take shape.
29060 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4465 Dwight Recylops will drown you in your over-watered lawns.
29061 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4466 Jim Then tragedy struck Recyclops when his fictional planet was attacked by some other fictitious thing... I can't remember.
29062 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4467 Dwight Recyclops will have his revenge.
29063 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4468 Jim I think this was also the year he renounced Earth Day and vowed to the destroy the planet he once loved.
29064 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4469 Pam Oh my God, you guys, look. It's Recyclops.
29065 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4469 Dwight Recyclops destroys!
29066 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4469 Stanley Oh, is today Recyclops Day?
29067 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4469 Dwight Yes.
29068 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4469 Stanley I thought you were killed by Polluticorn.
29069 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4469 Dwight Polluticorn wishes.
29070 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4469 Andy That's aerosol spray. It's terrible for the environment.
29071 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4469 Dwight Humans are terrible for the environment.
29072 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4470 Pam The thing I like most about Recyclops is that he's creating a different world for our child.
29073 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4470 Jim Mmm.
29074 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4470 Pam A world where you truly can be anything you want.
29075 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4470 Jim God bless you, Recyclops. And your cold robot heart.
29076 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4471 Michael Ok. Ok. How 'bout this?
29077 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4471 Pam That's great.
29078 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4471 Michael I want it to be better than 'Great', Pam. How 'bout I remain seated... and I just do a little bit of a nod. Sort of a humble thing.
29079 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4471 Pam Sure.
29080 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4471 Michael Nope. Then my face is down. They can't see my face.
29081 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4471 Meredith And it looks like you're taking a dump.
29082 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4472 Michael Alan Brand is the CEO of the company, if title's important to you, has personally invited moi to go to New York to the shareholder's meeting and sit up on the stage with the board of directors. And at some point they are going to introduce me as the most successful branch manager that they have. And then Michael Scott turns and waves to the crowd... and the crowd goes wild.
29083 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4473 Andy Ladies and gentlemen from Scranton, Pennsylvania, please welcome Michael 'The Machine' Scott.
29084 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4473 Pam Don't do the twirl.
29085 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4473 Phyllis Lose the twirl.
29086 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4473 Dwight The twirl sucks.
29087 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4473 Kevin Michael, I hated the twirl.
29088 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4473 Andy Hate the twirl!
29089 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4473 Michael Ok. Obviously I'm not going to do the twirl. I only did it because I nailed the wave.
29090 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4473 Phyllis Yeah, good. Don't do it.
29091 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4474 Michael I am not going to do the twirl. Alright? It's not even a twirl, it's a spin. I might do the spin.
29092 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4475 Oscar The long term problem is bad investments that they need to dump. The short term problem is the company has no cash and there's no where to get it.
29093 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4475 Michael Ok, Oscar, I don't need the whole enchilada just the bullet points.
29094 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4475 Oscar Those are the bullet points.
29095 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4475 Michael Well, could you condense it please?
29096 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4475 Oscar That's as simple as I can make it.
29097 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4475 Erin Michael? The limo's here for you.
29098 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4475 Michael It's not a limo. It's a town car. Town cars are actually better, though. Better torque. Better handling.
29099 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4475 Erin He said limousine, so...
29100 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4475 Kevin Check it out, guys. There's a limo down here. Michael, look. Oh, man.
29101 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4475 Michael They sent a limo.
29102 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4476 Michael Town cars suck. Town car is something that a company sends when they're in trouble. A limousine is something that a company sends when they have cause for celebration. And in this case I think we are celebrating me.
29103 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4477 Michael Oh, wait. Wait. Wow. Wow! Oh, no way. Look at that.
29104 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4477 Dwight What kind of mileage does this baby get?
29105 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4477 Erin It's like what high school kids take to prom on tv shows.
29106 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4477 Oscar This is so typical of management to spend money on this. Ugh. Bunch of boobs.
29107 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4477 Michael Hate to break it to you Oscar but some of us like boobs.
29108 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4477 Dwight Calves. Calves all the way.
29109 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4477 Andy I'm so jealous right now.
29110 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4477 Michael Hey, you know who you should be jealous of? Yourself. Because you're invited and you're invited and you're invited and you and you and you and you and you and you-
29111 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4477 Limo Driver Car seats eight.
29112 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4477 Michael What?
29113 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4477 Limo Driver The car seats eight.
29114 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4477 Michael The limo seats eight. Ok. Then Jim and Pam and Ryan plus a guest.
29115 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4477 Jim, Pam No thanks.
29116 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4477 Ryan I'll use it when you're done.
29117 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4477 Michael Mmm... whoa.
29118 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4478 Oscar The Dunder Mifflin stock symbol is DMI. Do you know what that stands for? Dummies, morons and idiots. Because that's what you'd have to be to own it. And, as one of those idiots, I believe the board owes me answers.
29119 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4479 Michael I wish the windows weren't tinted so people could see us in here.
29120 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4479 Andy Hey, guys, do you think anyone might have had s*x in here?
29121 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4479 Michael Definitely.
29122 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4479 Dwight Smells like it.
29123 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4479 Michael Definitely. Look they got pillows. That. That's bigger than my bed.
29124 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4479 Dwight Word.
29125 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4479 Andy Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
29126 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4479 Michael Who's playing with the button?
29127 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4480 Jim Hey, Ryan. Could you start consolidating all our Rolodex information into Outlook?
29128 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4480 Ryan Uh, it doesn't seem like there's much of a point if the company's going under.
29129 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4480 Jim But if the company doesn't go under then we'll finally have all our contacts in one program.
29130 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4480 Ryan The company's probably going under, though.
29131 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4480 Jim Could go either way.
29132 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4480 Ryan Seems like it's leaning one way.
29133 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4480 Jim Maybe we should just wait and find out.
29134 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4480 Ryan Definitely.
29135 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4480 Jim Ok.
29136 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4480 Ryan So should we wait to find out before we start doing all this stuff?
29137 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4480 Jim Nah. Might as well do it now.
29138 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4481 Andy Michael, what if somebody asks you a question at this meeting? Are you just gonna wave, or what?
29139 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4481 Michael I will have to answer.
29140 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4481 Dwight I'll ask you a question.
29141 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4481 Andy Make it a softball. Something he can, like, crank out of the park.
29142 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4481 Dwight Michael Scott you run the most profitable branch of Dunder Mifflin. How do you do it?
29143 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4481 Michael No, no. That's too hard. Say your name is Zamboni and then I will say, 'Well, we're sort of on thin ice.' I won't say that. I'll something like that.
29144 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4481 Andy This is your big day. Come on.
29145 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4481 Michael Oh, my god. This is it.
29146 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4482 Laurie Mr. Scott?
29147 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4482 Michael Yes.
29148 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4482 Laurie I'm Laurie.
29149 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4482 Michael Oh, hi.
29150 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4482 Laurie Thank you for joining us. Come with me.
29151 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4482 Michael Well, thank you and, and please call - continue to call me Mr. Scott.
29152 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4482 Laurie Ok. If you just want to follow me I'll take you up to the lounge.
29153 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4482 Michael Well, I guess this is as far as I can take you guys. So -
29154 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4482 Andy Kay.
29155 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4482 Dwight Good luck, Michael.
29156 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4482 Michael See you later.
29157 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4483 Michael Officers. Thank you.
29158 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4483 Laurie After you, Mr. Scott.
29159 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4483 Michael Thank you.
29160 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4483 David Michael.
29161 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4483 Michael Hello.
29162 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4483 David So glad you could make it.
29163 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4483 Michael Thank you.
29164 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4483 David How was the ride?
29165 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4483 Michael Oh. It was awesome. Very, very sublime.
29166 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4483 David I'm glad. I want to introduce you to everyone. First we'll start with Alan Brand. Alan? CEO. Michael Scott, Branch manager, Scranton.
29167 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4483 Alan It's nice to meet you, Michael.
29168 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4483 Michael It's nice to meet you, too. It's an honor and a privilege.
29169 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4483 David Seated, we have the former congressman, Chris O'Keefe.
29170 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4483 Michael Ah. Your eminence.
29171 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4484 Registrar For those of you with questions, please line up behind one of the four microphones that have been placed in the aisles.
29172 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4484 Dwight Coming through. Che, che, che, che, che, che. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Ah. Damn it. Wha- okay
29173 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4485 Dwight I was hoping to lob Michael his softball question early. I wanted to swing by the garment district, pick up a few crates of my shirts. I got a shirt guy.
29174 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4486 Oscar Can you believe this? The money they spent on this convention hall. Excuse me, miss. I just want to take the stupid board of directors by their necks. This is so simple.
29175 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4486 Andy Yeah. Well, you should do that. Get in line.
29176 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4486 Oscar Oh, what a great idea and lose my job. No thank you.
29177 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4486 Andy Look, do you want to be able to tell your grandkids you stood up for yourself during the - America's biggest financial crisis?
29178 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4486 Dwight How is he gonna have grandkids?
29179 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4487 Michael You guys ever protect the president?
29180 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4487 Security No.
29181 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4487 Michael What about Madonna? Or Obama twins? Anybody famous?
29182 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4487 Security Not supposed to talk about it. Nelly Furtado.
29183 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4487 Alan Alright, guys. You ready?
29184 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4487 Michael Rock and roll.
29185 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4488 Alan Dunder Mifflin is still a strong company. We are poised to come through this more streamlined and profitable than ever.
29186 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4488 Michael This is not as much fun as I thought it would be.
29187 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4488 David It was fun when we weren't on the brink of bankruptcy.
29188 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4488 Michael We're going bankrupt, you think? They are really angry.
29189 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4488 Alan The shareholders need to empower our leadership -
29190 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4489 Woman in line I'm just gonna run to the bathroom. Will you save my place?
29191 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4489 Man in line Sure.
29192 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4489 Dwight No. You will not.
29193 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4489 Woman in line Excuse me?
29194 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4489 Dwight Oh, I'm sorry. Were you raised in a household with no consequences?
29195 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4489 Woman in line It'll just be a second.
29196 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4489 Dwight Oh. If onlys and justs were candies and nuts then every day would be Erntedankfest.
29197 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4490 Alan ... and we're confident. There are many things to be optimistic about in Dunder Mifflin's future and one of them is here with us today. Michael Scott, Scranton Branch manager.
29198 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4490 Dwight Yes.
29199 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4490 Alan In these uncertain times, Michael has managed to maintain steady profits from his Scranton branch. We all thank you, Michael. Another bright spot in the Dunder Mifflin landscape, our new waste pulp re-purposing plant in Milford.
29200 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4491 Jim Hey, Phyllis. Are you just getting back from lunch now?
29201 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4491 Phyllis Bob took me to Capello's. We got a little tipsy.
29202 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4491 Jim Ok. You shouldn't be telling me that stuff and also shouldn't be taking two hour lunches without telling me.
29203 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4491 Phyllis Oh, it's ok. Michael doesn't really care about these things.
29204 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4491 Jim I care about them and I'm just as much of a boss as Michael. What's so funny? I'm a co-manager.
29205 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4491 Stanley That doesn't make you a boss.
29206 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4491 Phyllis It's not like you can fire people or anything.
29207 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4491 Jim Well - who? How did you? Who, who told you this?
29208 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4491 Phyllis Ryan.
29209 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4491 Stanley Can't say.
29210 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4491 Phyllis Sorry. Plastered.
29211 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4491 Jim Ok. Who else has heard the rumor that I am not as much in charge as Michael?
29212 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4491 Pam Stuff gets around. I don't participate.
29213 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4491 Jim Who here heard it from Ryan?
29214 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4491 Kevin Does and email count?
29215 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4491 Jim Yes.
29216 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4491 Kevin Yeah.
29217 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4491 Jim I am just as much of a boss as Michael and I can do anything that Michael can do. Alright? Who here believes that I have as much power as Michael?
29218 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4492 Pam I forgot I have to support him no matter what. Close one.
29219 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4493 Oscar These questions are bush league.
29220 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4493 Andy You should get up and say something. You've got to be true to what's in there. Don't be a wuss.
29221 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4494 Andy I've always been the guy who can rally other people to rebel. In high school I organized a walk out over standardized testing. Got over 500 students to just skip the SATs. At the last second I chickened out, took it anyway, got a 1220, always regretted it. I feel lachrymose .
29222 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4495 David Believe me everyone is working very hard, working weekends, struggling, trying to right the ship.
29223 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4495 Shareholder You're a criminal.
29224 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4495 Michael Hey, hey, hey. I'm sorry. These are not criminals. They are nice. They invited me to come here today. They invited me to their hospitality suite where I had free food and it was delicious. Get this. Know how nice they are? The sent a stretch limo all the way to pick me up in Scranton. That's -
29225 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4495 Female Shareholder Limousine?
29226 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4495 Michael Yes.
29227 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4495 Second Shareholder You're all corrupt. You should be in jail.
29228 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4495 Alan Quiet! Quiet, please! Please, quiet! Quiet, please. We want to hear your questions.
29229 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4496 Ryan Do you love her or do you love the idea of her?
29230 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4496 Creed I don't know, man. I just don't know.
29231 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4497 Jim I gotta make an example out of him. Should I just fire him?
29232 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4497 Pam Can you actually fire people?
29233 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4497 Jim To be honest, I don't know, but maybe I could just yell at him in front of people.
29234 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4497 Pam Well, I can't really imagine you yelling at anyone.
29235 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4497 Jim Oh, well I yell. You've heard me yell.
29236 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4497 Pam Oh. Ok. I've heard you exclaim. Like the time you said, 'Hey, look. We parked over here!'.
29237 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4497 Jim Well, that was apple-picking day and there's no need to yell that day, you know. I was just excited to find the car. Perfect end to a perfect day.
29238 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4497 Pam Well, you'll figure it out.
29239 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4498 Alan Ok. We're gonna take a 15 minute break and then we're gonna answer more questions.
29240 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4498 Third Shareholder You haven't said anything yet and we're headed for bankruptcy.
29241 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4498 Michael Yeah, well, that's not gonna happen. That's not gonna happen. We'll be back with some answers. I - ok. I know that you're mad at me and you're mad at all them -
29242 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4498 Fourth Shareholder How are you gonna fix the company?
29243 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4498 Michael Ok. Alright. We are gonna - we're gonna go out there during this break and we are gonna come back with a plan. We're gonna come back with a plan for you. It's a 45 day plan. 45 days to get us back on track. 45 points. It's a 45 day/45 point. One point per day. We get the 45 points we are back in business. And you can take that to the bank. And Limo Lady, we are going completely carbon neutral. I love you, New York! You. You.
29244 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4499 Jim Hey, Ryan. How's it going?
29245 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4499 Ryan Here's the thing. Um, I've tried it like five different ways in my head and - Oh, got one. Um, I'm such a perfectionist...
29246 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4499 Jim Mmm-hmm.
29247 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4499 Ryan That I'd kinda rather not do it all then do a crappy version.
29248 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4499 Jim Simple data entry, though. So there's really only one way to do it.
29249 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4499 Ryan Sounds like you have a really specific vision for it. Do you wanna maybe just take a whack at it?
29250 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4499 Jim You know what?
29251 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4499 Ryan What?
29252 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4499 Jim I think I know the problem.
29253 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4499 Ryan Great.
29254 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4499 Jim I think you seem distracted.
29255 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4499 Ryan Yep, that is a problem.
29256 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4499 Jim But, you know what? I came up with something and I think it's really gonna help.
29257 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4499 Ryan Well, I'm glad you're finally being proactive, Jim.
29258 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4499 Jim I am, too. Let me show you.
29259 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4500 Michael Wow. Things are really picking up.
29260 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4500 O'Keefe What was that about?
29261 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4500 Michael What?
29262 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4500 Alan You were supposed to wave.
29263 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4500 Michael I did wave. I did a lot more than wave.
29264 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4500 David What are we supposed to tell them now? Ok? You've dug us quite a hole.
29265 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4500 Michael We tell them the plan, right?
29266 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4500 David There is no plan.
29267 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4500 Michael Here's what we're gonna do. The 45 day thing that I outlined, we go with that. Day 45, company saved. Day 44, go. What do we got? We have 15 minutes.
29268 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4500 O'Keefe Excuse me?
29269 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4500 Michael Just whatever comes to mind. Shout it out.
29270 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4500 O'Keefe Who the hell is this guy?
29271 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4500 Michael I am the guy who roused that crowd.
29272 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4500 David Yes.
29273 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4500 Michael Got them on their feet.
29274 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4500 David Yes.
29275 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4500 Michael They were so happy down there.
29276 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4500 David Yes.
29277 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4500 Alan Who cares?
29278 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4500 Michael Ok. Alright. Well, I know a guy. This Mexican guy. He is a math whiz. He knows economics as well as he knows bull fighting and I am going to call in a little favor.
29279 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4500 David No. No. No. No. No. No. Don't call anybody, Michael.
29280 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4500 Michael Well, I'm texting him, so.
29281 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4500 David Please do not text anybody, now, Michael.
29282 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4500 Michael It's done.
29283 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4501 Michael Oh. There he is. Come on in. Come on in. Gentleman, I would like you to meet Oscar. Come on in. Don't be shy. This is Oscar Martinez. Oscar, why don't you come over here. Let me present you. Step up. Step up there. Oscar is an accountant extraordinaire at the Scranton branch and he has a wonderful idea as to how to get us out of this murky, murky situation. Take it away.
29284 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4502 Jim I think this is really gonna help. If you could just hold up here one second. Hey, guys. Quick announcement. If I could just have everyone's attention. I just figured you needed a place where you can concentrate and not be bothered by bothering people.
29285 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4502 Ryan Mmm-hmm.
29286 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4502 Jim Let me show you what I mean. Your new office. How great is that, right? For a job well done. Well, not done.
29287 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4502 Ryan I will, uh, I will do my work right now. I will stay late tonight.
29288 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4502 Jim Right.
29289 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4502 Ryan Uh, I'm very sorry... about everything.
29290 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4502 Jim You're a good kid. You know what? It gets bigger once you're in there. Enjoy it.
29291 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4502 Ryan Is there internet?
29292 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4503 Oscar Ummm...
29293 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4503 Michael Tell them what you told me. This is genius.
29294 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4503 Oscar Ok
29295 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4503 Michael Tell them about the cash flow and the dumping of properties and - this is all -
29296 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4503 Oscar Um..
29297 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4503 Michael It's all good. It's all good stuff. Lay it on them.
29298 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4503 Oscar I feel, as does Mr. Scott, that we are in the best of hands. Capable hands.
29299 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4503 Michael That wasn't what you were saying to me. He was much more articulate and that was better. Much better.
29300 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4503 Oscar I think this has gone very well and I thank you.
29301 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4503 Michael O-kay. Oh... hey, hey. What are you doing?
29302 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4503 Oscar Michael, I didn't ask to come up here.
29303 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4503 Michael Wow, man. That -
29304 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4503 Oscar What?
29305 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4503 Michael That was embarrassing.
29306 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4503 Oscar For me.
29307 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4503 Michael For me, too. You embarrassed me.
29308 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4503 Oscar You -
29309 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4503 Michael Well, that was a waste of a text. Let's get down to brass tacks. I think that we might be in trouble. We don't seem to have a plan so I'm thinking I go down there. Maybe rattle off a few jokes. Congressman could follow.
29310 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4503 O'Keefe He's our best manager? Where's the off button on this moron?
29311 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4503 Michael Uh, I'm not a moron. Time after time my branch leads in sales. I have personally won over 17 Dundie awards. So, I am not a moron and I am just trying to help, you know? So... you're the moron.
29312 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4504 Michael Yes it is a thrill to be honored by one's company. To have the people that you work for stop for a minute and say, 'Wow. Great job.' That is what it is all about. Not the perks. Perks? The perks. I could take or leave the perks. Limos are for people who make the company money not lose millions and have no plan. So we're leaving early. After all, we are the only ones with anything to celebrate.
29313 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4505 O'Keefe He can take the bus. He's had his limo ride.
29314 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4506 Michael Oscar! Oscar! Come on! There he is! There he is! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Scranton! Scranton! Scranton! Dunder Mifflin!
29315 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4507 Alan The gentleman in the, uh, glasses.
29316 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4507 Dwight Dwight Schrute, Scranton branch. I just want to say that I have been standing in this line all day and if this line is any indication of how this company is being run then we are in big trouble. Thank you. Right. I know. And I just want to say that I believe that there are options out there. A take a number option like they have in a deli. What about line varieties? Like an express line for quick comments of ten words or less. They can move much more efficiently. What about ropes along the lines that you can hold on to.
29317 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4507 Alan Thank you. Thank you for your suggestions.
29318 6 11 Shareholder Meeting 4507 Dwight Yeah.
29319 6 12 Scott's Tots 4508 Andy You wanted to see me?
29320 6 12 Scott's Tots 4508 Michael Yeah, Have a seat.
29321 6 12 Scott's Tots 4508 Andy Is it serious? Wow. Andy's a wittle scared.
29322 6 12 Scott's Tots 4508 Michael Okay, right there is the problem. There have been reports around the office that you have been talking baby talk.
29323 6 12 Scott's Tots 4508 Andy Why would people say that?
29324 6 12 Scott's Tots 4508 Michael I have it on good authority that you said the following. Can you read that back to me?
29325 6 12 Scott's Tots 4508 Andy Andy have a boo-boo tummy.
29326 6 12 Scott's Tots 4508 Michael Mmm-hmm.
29327 6 12 Scott's Tots 4508 Andy Would you rather me say "Hey guys, my irritable bowel syndrome is flaring up?"
29328 6 12 Scott's Tots 4508 Michael Okay.
29329 6 12 Scott's Tots 4508 Andy "Crazy diarrhea happening right now?" Cause things can get real adult real fast.
29330 6 12 Scott's Tots 4508 Michael You are also on record as saying "wittle-ittle," "footy-wutties," "nummies," "jammies," "make boom-boom," "widiculous," and "wode iwand."
29331 6 12 Scott's Tots 4508 Andy Do I sometimes replace Rs with Ws? Yes. Do I sometimes repeat a word to get my point across? Well if I do, Andy's sowwy.
29332 6 12 Scott's Tots 4508 Michael You can't be a baby in the office. It makes me look like I hire babies.
29333 6 12 Scott's Tots 4508 Andy Well if I we're complaining, a lot of people think your Elvis voice is annoying.
29334 6 12 Scott's Tots 4508 Michael Okay, who said that?
29335 6 12 Scott's Tots 4508 Andy I don't-just people. For the record, I think it's pretty fantastic.
29336 6 12 Scott's Tots 4508 Michael Well, thank you... thank you a lot. And for what it's worth I think your baby voice is tops.
29337 6 12 Scott's Tots 4508 Andy Tank you Mr. Elwis.
29338 6 12 Scott's Tots 4508 Michael You're welcome, baby.
29339 6 12 Scott's Tots 4509 Andy Dr. Tuna, MD, I have some terrible news.
29340 6 12 Scott's Tots 4509 Jim Wait, are you the patient or the doctor?
29341 6 12 Scott's Tots 4509 Andy The entire office has come down with a pernicious case of the Mondays.
29342 6 12 Scott's Tots 4509 Jim Wow, what do you put our chances at?
29343 6 12 Scott's Tots 4509 Andy 0%, unless we perform an immediate emergency morale transplant, stat!
29344 6 12 Scott's Tots 4509 Jim Hmm, sounds risky.
29345 6 12 Scott's Tots 4509 Andy Don't worry. There is a surefire cure. Employee of the Month. Every awesome place I've worked has had one.
29346 6 12 Scott's Tots 4510 Andy Bear Stearns, Lehman Brothers, AIG, my summer at Enron.
29347 6 12 Scott's Tots 4511 Jim Wow, that's not such a bad idea.
29348 6 12 Scott's Tots 4511 Andy Great!
29349 6 12 Scott's Tots 4511 Jim Anything else?
29350 6 12 Scott's Tots 4511 Andy Nope!
29351 6 12 Scott's Tots 4512 Erin Frankie's Dirty Joke of the Day? There's a bunch of those.
29352 6 12 Scott's Tots 4512 Michael Keep.
29353 6 12 Scott's Tots 4512 Erin There's a bunch of Sent e-mails that jusy say "Delivered." Should I delete all of those?
29354 6 12 Scott's Tots 4512 Michael I want to keep those so I can see what I sent.
29355 6 12 Scott's Tots 4512 Erin That's why you have a "Sent Mail" folder.
29356 6 12 Scott's Tots 4512 Michael Keep.
29357 6 12 Scott's Tots 4512 Erin There's about 30 news alerts for "Nip Slip."
29358 6 12 Scott's Tots 4512 Michael For what?
29359 6 12 Scott's Tots 4512 Erin "Nip slip."
29360 6 12 Scott's Tots 4512 Michael Oh okay. I don't know how those got on there...
29361 6 12 Scott's Tots 4512 Erin Well...
29362 6 12 Scott's Tots 4512 Michael Must be hackers.
29363 6 12 Scott's Tots 4512 Jim Hey. What's up?
29364 6 12 Scott's Tots 4512 Michael What if I told you I had done the worst thing ever, would you still want to be my friend?
29365 6 12 Scott's Tots 4512 Jim Did you murder someone?
29366 6 12 Scott's Tots 4512 Michael Worse than that.
29367 6 12 Scott's Tots 4512 Erin Oh, my God.
29368 6 12 Scott's Tots 4512 Michael Lurk much? I miss Pam.
29369 6 12 Scott's Tots 4512 Jim I think she's okay.
29370 6 12 Scott's Tots 4512 Michael Is that what we're going for now? "okay?" We used to go for "pretty good."
29371 6 12 Scott's Tots 4512 Jim Great. Hey, how do you feel about starting an Employee of the Month program?
29372 6 12 Scott's Tots 4512 Michael Yeah, you know what, that actually might make me feel better. I'm not in this for the trophies, but...
29373 6 12 Scott's Tots 4512 Jim You're not in it at all, because you can't be employee of the month, you're a manager.
29374 6 12 Scott's Tots 4512 Michael Well, technically, I'm a co-manager, and I barely have any responsibilities, but I work hard, I love this company, and for those reasons, I think I would make a good employee of the month.
29375 6 12 Scott's Tots 4512 Jim It would look bad. Sorry.
29376 6 12 Scott's Tots 4512 Michael It would look good, on my mantle.
29377 6 12 Scott's Tots 4513 Andy Jim's talking to Michael right now. They totally went for our idea!
29378 6 12 Scott's Tots 4513 Dwight Yeah! Your idea.
29379 6 12 Scott's Tots 4514 Dwight My idea. I just need Andy to think it's his idea. So it won't get traced back to me. In approximately six hours, Jim will get a phone call from David Wallace. He will be fired.
29380 6 12 Scott's Tots 4515 Erin Hey Pam, do you have a sec to check over this inventory?
29381 6 12 Scott's Tots 4515 Pam Looks great.
29382 6 12 Scott's Tots 4515 Erin Oh, did you really look it over? Felt like maybe you didn't.
29383 6 12 Scott's Tots 4515 Pam Okay. The Michael Scott Foundation is still in existence?
29384 6 12 Scott's Tots 4515 Michael There you are. I don't think we have finished with my Inbox.
29385 6 12 Scott's Tots 4515 Phyllis What's "Scott's Tots?"
29386 6 12 Scott's Tots 4515 Stanley Has it really been ten years?
29387 6 12 Scott's Tots 4516 Stanley "Local businessman pledges college tuition to third graders"
29388 6 12 Scott's Tots 4517 Pam Michael, why did you promise that?
29389 6 12 Scott's Tots 4517 Michael To change lives.
29390 6 12 Scott's Tots 4517 Pam No Michael, why would you promise that?
29391 6 12 Scott's Tots 4517 Michael Yeah, okay. Call the school, cancel. I can't go through with this.
29392 6 12 Scott's Tots 4517 Erin We've already rescheduled seven times.
29393 6 12 Scott's Tots 4517 Pam Michael, this is a terrible terrible thing you've done.
29394 6 12 Scott's Tots 4517 Michael Well...
29395 6 12 Scott's Tots 4517 Pam It's terrible.
29396 6 12 Scott's Tots 4517 Michael No.
29397 6 12 Scott's Tots 4517 Pam Just terrible. And the longer you put it off, the worse it's going to get.
29398 6 12 Scott's Tots 4518 Michael I just, I fell in love with those kids. and I didn't want to see them fall victim to the system, so I made them a promise. I told them that if they graduated from high school, I would pay for their college education. I've made some empty promises in my life, but hands down, that was the most generous.
29399 6 12 Scott's Tots 4519 Michael Just tell me it is going to be okay, all right?
29400 6 12 Scott's Tots 4519 Pam No!
29401 6 12 Scott's Tots 4519 Michael I'm not a bad person, I bring good news. Like when I promised those kids I'd pay for college. Okay, all right.
29402 6 12 Scott's Tots 4519 Pam You have to tell them.
29403 6 12 Scott's Tots 4519 Michael Would you come with me? You know, like old times, instead of...
29404 6 12 Scott's Tots 4519 Erin I can print out a new itinerary with Pam's name on it.
29405 6 12 Scott's Tots 4519 Pam It's fine. Erin, you're going to go. And you're going to make sure Michael tells the truth.
29406 6 12 Scott's Tots 4519 Michael Agh, God, you know what, could this day get any worse?
29407 6 12 Scott's Tots 4520 Dwight Hey Jimmy, what's up?
29408 6 12 Scott's Tots 4520 Jim Not much.
29409 6 12 Scott's Tots 4520 Dwight Cool. Very cool. I bet if you tried, you could grow the best beard of anyone in this office.
29410 6 12 Scott's Tots 4520 Jim Thanks Dwight.
29411 6 12 Scott's Tots 4520 Dwight That laugh is so infectious.
29412 6 12 Scott's Tots 4520 Jim You're creeping me out. I'm gonna go.
29413 6 12 Scott's Tots 4520 Dwight I didn't mean any of those things I just said. And you can expect the same from everyone in this office if you don't nip this whole Employee of the Month situation in the bud. Make it about the work.
29414 6 12 Scott's Tots 4520 Jim Let me guess, you think you should get it.
29415 6 12 Scott's Tots 4520 Dwight This encompasses all available data. Hours, tardiness, unconfirmed sick days, participation. Everyone has been assigned a random number for total fairness and transparency. Also, this should be accompanied by a monetary prize.
29416 6 12 Scott's Tots 4520 Jim Well, in an ideal world...
29417 6 12 Scott's Tots 4520 Dwight In an ideal world, I would have all ten fingers on my left hand, so my right hand could just be a fist for punching.
29418 6 12 Scott's Tots 4520 Jim Okay, if it's all the same to you, I'm just going to take away "Survival Skills" and "Self-defense."
29419 6 12 Scott's Tots 4520 Dwight I'm going to run this by Toby and Accounting and have him assemble the data.
29420 6 12 Scott's Tots 4520 Jim That's okay, I'll do it.
29421 6 12 Scott's Tots 4521 Mikela Mr. Scott?
29422 6 12 Scott's Tots 4521 Michael Hey, Mikela Lasker, how are you?
29423 6 12 Scott's Tots 4521 Mikela I'm good.
29424 6 12 Scott's Tots 4521 Michael Good to see you. Where's your saxaphone?
29425 6 12 Scott's Tots 4521 Mikela It's in the music room, Mr. Scott.
29426 6 12 Scott's Tots 4521 Michael Eigth grade graduation, she gave a rendition of When The Saints Go Marching In that would blow your freaking mind.
29427 6 12 Scott's Tots 4521 Erin Wow!
29428 6 12 Scott's Tots 4521 Michael Well, you didn't even hear it.
29429 6 12 Scott's Tots 4521 Mikela Everyone's so excited that you're here today.
29430 6 12 Scott's Tots 4521 Michael Oh, good.
29431 6 12 Scott's Tots 4521 Mikela Now, I know you probably want to see everyone, but I was wondering if I could ask you some questions first?
29432 6 12 Scott's Tots 4521 Michael Sure.
29433 6 12 Scott's Tots 4521 Erin You're famous.
29434 6 12 Scott's Tots 4521 Mikela I'm sure you remember this place.
29435 6 12 Scott's Tots 4521 Michael Oh, yeah.
29436 6 12 Scott's Tots 4521 Mikela Do you want to go in?
29437 6 12 Scott's Tots 4521 Michael No, not at all. Nope, come on.
29438 6 12 Scott's Tots 4522 Michael Oh, you know what? You know what? I shouldn't go in there. I'm pretty busy, I should just...
29439 6 12 Scott's Tots 4522 Mikela We just want to say thanks.
29440 6 12 Scott's Tots 4522 Michael Oh.
29441 6 12 Scott's Tots 4522 Students Mr. Scott! Mr. Scott! Mr. Scott!
29442 6 12 Scott's Tots 4523 Teacher Mr. Scott, I know you're a busy man, and your schedule moves around a lot. But through all your generosity through the years, your tots, who are ready to graduate, thought it was time to give you a proper thank you.
29443 6 12 Scott's Tots 4523 Students Oh! What? Oh! Break it down! Hey, Mr. Scott! What you gonna do? What you gonna do, make our dreams come true! Hey, Mr. Scott! What you gonna do? What you gonna do, make our dreams come true! Hey, Mr. Scott! What you gonna do? What you gonna do, make our dreams come true!
29444 6 12 Scott's Tots 4523 Lefevre You came into our lives and made a promise, made us honest, made us realize, we don't need to compromise, cause we can have it all! Cause you made it possible, for us to achieve the improbable!
29445 6 12 Scott's Tots 4523 Students Hey, Mr. Scott! What you gonna do? What you gonna do, make our dreams come true!
29446 6 12 Scott's Tots 4523 Michael Wow!
29447 6 12 Scott's Tots 4524 Dwight Hey, so Jim thought it would be ideal if we all pitched in-
29448 6 12 Scott's Tots 4524 Kevin Hey.
29449 6 12 Scott's Tots 4524 Dwight So Jim thought it would be ideal if we all pitched in a 20 for this whole Employee of the Month thing.
29450 6 12 Scott's Tots 4524 Kevin Jim said that?
29451 6 12 Scott's Tots 4524 Dwight He thought you were doing an incredible job last month.
29452 6 12 Scott's Tots 4524 Kevin Jim said that?
29453 6 12 Scott's Tots 4524 Dwight You seem suprised.
29454 6 12 Scott's Tots 4524 Kevin No, no, that makes total sense.
29455 6 12 Scott's Tots 4524 Dwight Hey buddy, so every-
29456 6 12 Scott's Tots 4524 Oscar Sure.
29457 6 12 Scott's Tots 4525 Dwight Five minutes ahead of schedule. Right on schedule.
29458 6 12 Scott's Tots 4526 Teacher Politicians are always coming around, telling us they're going to fix our schools, promising this and that. But you, Mr. Scott, you are actually doing it. You have taught these kids with hard work, that anything is possible. You are a dream maker and I thank you! I thank you, I thank you, I thank you, I thank you! So much.
29459 6 12 Scott's Tots 4527 Lefevre There were a lot of times over the years where I was pressured to get into the drug game. But I always thought back to my guardian angel, and the gift that you gave me. So I just want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to go to college, educate myself, and become the next President Obama.
29460 6 12 Scott's Tots 4527 Michael Oh, God. Oh, God.
29461 6 12 Scott's Tots 4528 Jim Okay, ladies and gentlemen, Welcome. I know you're all very excited, but no matter who gets this, I just want to say that you are all employees of the monthin my eyes. And the winner is, employee number nine. And that is?
29462 6 12 Scott's Tots 4528 Andy Number nine, number nine. Jim Halpert.
29463 6 12 Scott's Tots 4528 Everyone Huh? What?
29464 6 12 Scott's Tots 4528 Oscar Are you kidding me?
29465 6 12 Scott's Tots 4528 Dwight Oh, no!
29466 6 12 Scott's Tots 4528 Jim Okay, wait, I was not... I did not-
29467 6 12 Scott's Tots 4528 Kevin I... I... I did not... That was not... How come not?
29468 6 12 Scott's Tots 4528 Jim Guys, listen. This was anonymous, all right? There is no way I could've given it to myself because I didn't even know who was on here. I just gave it to the employee with the highest overall score.
29469 6 12 Scott's Tots 4528 Angela To my tally, you just won back your own parking spot, a vacation day, and a nice, tidy quarter of $1,000 from all of us.
29470 6 12 Scott's Tots 4528 Jim Will everybody stop for a second, because obviously I'm not taking any of it. A mistake has been made and we'll figure it out. Second of all, there was no cash prize.
29471 6 12 Scott's Tots 4528 Angela Yes!
29472 6 12 Scott's Tots 4528 Jim Dwight?
29473 6 12 Scott's Tots 4528 Dwight Yeah, you said "In an ideal world, there would be a cash prize." Isn't that what you said?
29474 6 12 Scott's Tots 4528 Jim No, Dwight, I meant... Yes, in a perfect world, someone would get money. But-
29475 6 12 Scott's Tots 4528 Phyllis Yeah, but in your perfect world, only you get money.
29476 6 12 Scott's Tots 4529 Teacher Let's put your hands together and give a warm welcome for the man of the hour, Mr. Michael Scott.
29477 6 12 Scott's Tots 4529 Michael All right. Wow. Um, I am never going to forget today. Not a chance. I don't think I could ever give back to you what you have given me today. Who here has done something stupid in their lives? Like skipped out on study hall or mix up the difference between "A" gym and "B" gym, that sort of thing? Show of hands, anybody, yes, a bunch of you, okay. Well, me too, I've done something stupid which I would like to share. Ummm. Should we go?
29478 6 12 Scott's Tots 4529 Teacher Oh, no. We're okay. It's a double period
29479 6 12 Scott's Tots 4529 Michael Ah. All right. I came here today because I promised you tuition and tuition is very valuable. But you know what's invaluable is intuition. You know what that is? That is the ability to know when something is about to happen. Does anybody out there have intuition? Know what's gonna happen next? Nobody? Okay, you're going to make me say it. All right, I am so proud of all of you. Derrick, and Lefevre, and Ben, and Ayana, and Mikela, and Nikki and Jason, and... I'm sorry, okay, sorry spacing, your name?
29480 6 12 Scott's Tots 4529 Zion I'm Zion, I'm Mikela's younger brother.
29481 6 12 Scott's Tots 4529 Michael Well Zion, I am not going to be paying for your college tuition. Which brings me to my main point and that is that I will not be able to pay for anybody's tuition. I'm so, so sorry.
29482 6 12 Scott's Tots 4530 Michael I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
29483 6 12 Scott's Tots 4530 Mikela You lied to us.
29484 6 12 Scott's Tots 4530 Michael I lied to myself too. I'm not a millionaire. I thought I would be by the time I was 30, but I wasn't even close. And then I thought maybe by the time I was 40, but by 40, I had less money than when I was 30. Maybe by my 50s, I don't know. I wanted to pay for your education. I really did. It was my dream. Some people have evil drems, some people have selfish dreams or wet dreams. My dream was in the right place.
29485 6 12 Scott's Tots 4530 Lefevre You owe this to us!
29486 6 12 Scott's Tots 4530 Michael Okay, hold on. Hold on. Now I can't pay for your college. But you don't have to go to class to be in class. Online courses are a viable option to a traditional college experience. And the best way to access those courses is with your own personal laptop. Which is rendered useless without batteries, and I have one for each of you.
29487 6 12 Scott's Tots 4530 Michael Hey, hold-hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. They're lithium.
29488 6 12 Scott's Tots 4531 Jim Look, there was a big mistake obviously, so I will fix it. Okay? This was your idea anyway.
29489 6 12 Scott's Tots 4531 Andy Correction. It was my idea.
29490 6 12 Scott's Tots 4531 Jim Okay.
29491 6 12 Scott's Tots 4532 Dwight My idea!
29492 6 12 Scott's Tots 4533 Creed Guys, I'm starting to think Pam's not really even pregnant.
29493 6 12 Scott's Tots 4533 Pam Ok, for the record, I am pregnant and, obviously there has been some kind of a mistake, so why doesn't Jim just pick the next highest score on the list and we'll move on.
29494 6 12 Scott's Tots 4533 Phyllis That's fair.
29495 6 12 Scott's Tots 4533 Dwight Excellent idea, Pam.
29496 6 12 Scott's Tots 4533 Pam Thank you.
29497 6 12 Scott's Tots 4533 Andy That would be employee number three, which would be... son of a bitch, Pam Halpert.
29498 6 12 Scott's Tots 4533 Phyllis How is that possible? No offense Pam, but how the hell is that possible?
29499 6 12 Scott's Tots 4533 Dwight There must be some reasonable explanation for this.
29500 6 12 Scott's Tots 4533 Pam No, wait, come on. I didn't miss a day, I came in early, I stayed late, and I doubled my sales last month.
29501 6 12 Scott's Tots 4533 Andy Oh, really? From what, two to four?
29502 6 12 Scott's Tots 4534 Pam Yup.
29503 6 12 Scott's Tots 4535 Jim Guys, this isn't some elaborate scam, okay?
29504 6 12 Scott's Tots 4535 Deliveryman Hi, I have an order here for a custom cake, Jim Halpert.
29505 6 12 Scott's Tots 4535 Jim Okay. That is me, but I didn't order the cake.
29506 6 12 Scott's Tots 4535 Kevin Look who it is!
29507 6 12 Scott's Tots 4535 Angela "It could only be you!" Way to go.
29508 6 12 Scott's Tots 4535 Dwight He knew all along!
29509 6 12 Scott's Tots 4535 Kelly I'm going to have some cake.
29510 6 12 Scott's Tots 4536 Stephanie David Wallace's office.
29511 6 12 Scott's Tots 4536 Dwight This is Kevin Malone, is David there?
29512 6 12 Scott's Tots 4536 Stephanie No, he's in his weekly staff meeting, can I take a message?
29513 6 12 Scott's Tots 4536 Dwight Tell him I'm mad at Jim, because he's asking us to give money to Pam.
29514 6 12 Scott's Tots 4537 Dwight This is Stanley Hudson. Jim Halpert is a menace.
29515 6 12 Scott's Tots 4538 Dwight It's Toby Flenderson. Listen, things are getting really bad down here.
29516 6 12 Scott's Tots 4539 Lefevre Hey, Mr. Scott.
29517 6 12 Scott's Tots 4539 Michael Erin, can you give us a second?
29518 6 12 Scott's Tots 4539 Lefevre That was messed up what you did.
29519 6 12 Scott's Tots 4539 Michael Yeah. Yeah. I know, I know, I know, I'm sorry.
29520 6 12 Scott's Tots 4539 Lefevre Who does something like that? Who promises that to a bunch of kids and then just doesn't come through like that?
29521 6 12 Scott's Tots 4539 Michael What can I do?
29522 6 12 Scott's Tots 4539 Lefevre You can pay for my college.
29523 6 12 Scott's Tots 4539 Michael I can give you an extra laptop battery. Not everyone took one. How about this? If you can find a way to pay for your college tuition, let me buy your books, okay?
29524 6 12 Scott's Tots 4539 Lefevre They're expensive.
29525 6 12 Scott's Tots 4539 Michael Yeah, well, I owe you that at least, right?
29526 6 12 Scott's Tots 4539 Lefevre It's about $1,000.
29527 6 12 Scott's Tots 4539 Michael Really? Wow. That's over $200 a year.
29528 6 12 Scott's Tots 4539 Lefevre No, $1,000 each year.
29529 6 12 Scott's Tots 4539 Michael For-okay, okay here's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to write 4 checks for $1,000 each. I'm going to date them one year apart. Now, you are to use one check a year. And please call me before you cash the check? Cause I've got monies to move around.
29530 6 12 Scott's Tots 4539 Lefevre Okay. Okay. Make it out to my mom, Rosa.
29531 6 12 Scott's Tots 4539 Michael That's a lot of zeroes.
29532 6 12 Scott's Tots 4540 Jim This is Jim.
29533 6 12 Scott's Tots 4540 David Wallace Jim, what the hell is happening there?
29534 6 12 Scott's Tots 4540 Jim Hey, uh David.
29535 6 12 Scott's Tots 4540 David Yes.
29536 6 12 Scott's Tots 4540 Jim So there was a little bit of a miscommunication here today. It's been a little wild, uh, but I am on it.
29537 6 12 Scott's Tots 4540 David Just so I understand, you started Employee of the Month, give it to yourself, then people complain, so you give it to your wife?
29538 6 12 Scott's Tots 4540 Jim No.
29539 6 12 Scott's Tots 4540 David Am I missing something?
29540 6 12 Scott's Tots 4540 Jim I really don't know how it happened, David.
29541 6 12 Scott's Tots 4541 Dwight I know how it happened.
29542 6 12 Scott's Tots 4542 David Jim, I bumped you up because I thought you could make my life easier. If you can't do that, we're going to have a separate discussion.
29543 6 12 Scott's Tots 4542 Jim All right, it will not happen again. I promise.
29544 6 12 Scott's Tots 4542 David Uh, hey, I'm sorry. I'm taking this out on you.
29545 6 12 Scott's Tots 4542 Dwight No!
29546 6 12 Scott's Tots 4542 David It's been crazy here. You know I think you're doing a great job, right?
29547 6 12 Scott's Tots 4542 Dwight What?
29548 6 12 Scott's Tots 4542 Jim Yeah. Thank you.
29549 6 12 Scott's Tots 4542 Dwight No.
29550 6 12 Scott's Tots 4542 David Okay. Hey, we still on for dinner this weekend?
29551 6 12 Scott's Tots 4542 Dwight What?
29552 6 12 Scott's Tots 4542 Jim Yes.
29553 6 12 Scott's Tots 4542 David Okay.
29554 6 12 Scott's Tots 4542 Dwight Oh, you're kidding me!
29555 6 12 Scott's Tots 4542 Jim See you.
29556 6 12 Scott's Tots 4542 Dwight Damn it!
29557 6 12 Scott's Tots 4543 Erin Hey Mr. Scott, What you gonna do, What you gonna do make our dreams come true. Hey Mr. Scott, What you gonna do---
29558 6 12 Scott's Tots 4543 Michael Please stop. 15 lives. I destroyed 15 young lives today.
29559 6 12 Scott's Tots 4543 Erin No.
29560 6 12 Scott's Tots 4543 Michael Yes.
29561 6 12 Scott's Tots 4543 Erin No, there's financial aid, uh, they could join the army or the navy.
29562 6 12 Scott's Tots 4543 Michael You're what, like, 12?
29563 6 12 Scott's Tots 4543 Erin The principal told me that 90% of Scott's Tots are on track to graduate, and that's 35% higher than the rest of the school. So I think if you hadn't made that promise, a lot of them would've dropped out. Which is something to think about, I think.
29564 6 12 Scott's Tots 4543 Michael I think you're doing a great job.
29565 6 12 Scott's Tots 4543 Erin Really?
29566 6 12 Scott's Tots 4543 Michael What do you want from this job, provided the company doesn't go out of business?
29567 6 12 Scott's Tots 4543 Erin I've always wondered what it might be like to be an accountant.
29568 6 12 Scott's Tots 4543 Michael Really?
29569 6 12 Scott's Tots 4543 Erin Yes, but I'm terrible at math so...
29570 6 12 Scott's Tots 4543 Michael You know, when I hired Kevin, he was actually applying for a job in the warehouse.
29571 6 12 Scott's Tots 4543 Erin Seriously?
29572 6 12 Scott's Tots 4543 Michael Yeah. I just sort've had a feeling about him. I have a feeling about you too.
29573 6 12 Scott's Tots 4543 Michael, Erin Hey Mr. Scott, What you gonna do, What you gonna do make our dreams come true. Hey Mr. Scott, What you gonna do, What you gonna do make our dreams come true.
29574 6 12 Scott's Tots 4544 Jim See you tomorrow, Dwight.
29575 6 12 Scott's Tots 4544 Dwight Apparently.
29576 6 12 Scott's Tots 4544 Ryan How's it going? Good day?
29577 6 12 Scott's Tots 4544 Dwight Not now, Temp.
29578 6 12 Scott's Tots 4544 Ryan Um, okay, so, um, listen. I know about your diabolical plan.
29579 6 12 Scott's Tots 4544 Dwight What? Diabolical plan? I wouldn't even know how to begin a diabol...
29580 6 12 Scott's Tots 4544 Ryan I found a copy of it in the copier tray.
29581 6 12 Scott's Tots 4544 Dwight So what do you want?
29582 6 12 Scott's Tots 4544 Ryan I want the same thing you want. I want to take Jim Halpert down. I want in.
29583 6 13 Secret Santa 4545 Dwight Attention everyone! Jim and I, on behalf of--
29584 6 13 Secret Santa 4545 Jim Too loud.
29585 6 13 Secret Santa 4545 Dwight #NAME?
29586 6 13 Secret Santa 4545 Jim Too, too loud. Too Loud.
29587 6 13 Secret Santa 4545 Dwight But effective, look! On behalf of Jim and I, Merry Christmas.
29588 6 13 Secret Santa 4545 Everyone Merry Christmas.
29589 6 13 Secret Santa 4545 Dwight Merry Christmas. Good.
29590 6 13 Secret Santa 4546 Dwight My diabolical plot is on hold for Christmas. My heart just melts with the sound of children singing. Hmmph! Not really! I'm just tired. The days are short. I don't know. Maybe I'm depressed.
29591 6 13 Secret Santa 4547 Dwight It is time to unveil the tree.
29592 6 13 Secret Santa 4547 Oscar Hey, Rockefeller Center!
29593 6 13 Secret Santa 4547 Jim Yeah.
29594 6 13 Secret Santa 4547 Ryan Uh, I have actually been to Rock Center, and this is nothing like that.
29595 6 13 Secret Santa 4547 Jim This is all we have.
29596 6 13 Secret Santa 4547 Ryan Ugh.
29597 6 13 Secret Santa 4547 Jim No, it's not "ugh." It is... office camaraderie.
29598 6 13 Secret Santa 4547 Dwight It is warm feelings.
29599 6 13 Secret Santa 4547 Meredith Why don't we talk more about it instead of doing it?
29600 6 13 Secret Santa 4547 Dwight Thirty! Twenty-nine! Twenty-eight!
29601 6 13 Secret Santa 4547 Jim Why would you start so high?
29602 6 13 Secret Santa 4547 Dwight Twenty- seven! Twenty-six! ...
29603 6 13 Secret Santa 4547 Jim Three, two, one!
29604 6 13 Secret Santa 4547 Phyllis Ooh.
29605 6 13 Secret Santa 4547 Pam Ah!
29606 6 13 Secret Santa 4547 Phyllis You didn't decorate it?
29607 6 13 Secret Santa 4547 Jim No.
29608 6 13 Secret Santa 4547 Dwight Exactly.
29609 6 13 Secret Santa 4547 Jim We didn't, because we think it'd be better to do it together.
29610 6 13 Secret Santa 4547 Dwight Everyone.
29611 6 13 Secret Santa 4547 Andy Why would you wrap it in a sheet, if you're not covering anything up?
29612 6 13 Secret Santa 4547 Pam Is it, is it fake?
29613 6 13 Secret Santa 4547 Jim Pam!
29614 6 13 Secret Santa 4547 Dwight Yes, we are unveiling, an artificial tree, that will never die...
29615 6 13 Secret Santa 4547 Jim Yes.
29616 6 13 Secret Santa 4547 Dwight Like the spirit of Christmas!
29617 6 13 Secret Santa 4547 Stanley We're supposed to applaud you for taking a giant diaper off fake tree?
29618 6 13 Secret Santa 4547 Dwight This was a successful unveiling! Go back to work! Merry Christmas!
29619 6 13 Secret Santa 4548 Erin Hello. Sorry guys. Sorry guys. I'm not sure I've earned the right to make announcements yet. But whoever is giving me the Twelve Days of Christmas? As my Secret Santa? Please stop. I can't take it anymore. My cat killed a turtledove; the French hens have started pulling out my hair to make a nest. Please. Stop.
29620 6 13 Secret Santa 4548 Kelly What psycho would send that as a gift?
29621 6 13 Secret Santa 4549 Andy I begged Dwight and Jim to give me Erin for Secret Santa. And I decided to give Erin the Twelve days of Christmas. Is it my fault that the first eight days is basically thirty birds?
29622 6 13 Secret Santa 4550 Phyllis Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas boys and girls! It's me, Santa Claus!
29623 6 13 Secret Santa 4550 Dwight Hey Santa!
29624 6 13 Secret Santa 4550 Oscar They finally let you do it!
29625 6 13 Secret Santa 4550 Phyllis Yeah!
29626 6 13 Secret Santa 4550 Kevin Congrats Phil!
29627 6 13 Secret Santa 4550 Erin It's so edgy!
29628 6 13 Secret Santa 4551 Phyllis I have been wanting to be Santa for years. I believe I have the right temperament, and the figure to do the job well. I slipped a note to Jim eleven weeks ago, and he said I could do it. It's been a long journey... but I'm Santa Claus!
29629 6 13 Secret Santa 4552 Pam So Santa, what can we expect from this party?
29630 6 13 Secret Santa 4552 Phyllis It's going to be a very jolly time if you've been good!
29631 6 13 Secret Santa 4552 Creed What if you've been bad?
29632 6 13 Secret Santa 4552 Phyllis Oh then nothing but a lump of coal for you!
29633 6 13 Secret Santa 4552 Creed What if you've been really, really bad? More evil, and strictly wrong?
29634 6 13 Secret Santa 4552 Jim Hey, Creed, we covered it. Lump of coal!
29635 6 13 Secret Santa 4552 Phyllis Yeah.
29636 6 13 Secret Santa 4553 Dwight For several weeks, my Secret Santa has been giving me pieces of a machine that I've been attempting to assemble. I'm suspicious of this because I had the exact same idea, for catching Osama bin Laden. I would simply send him a different piece each day. He would assemble it, to find himself... in jail!
29637 6 13 Secret Santa 4554 Pam You know Oscar every time I make this lasagna people ask me if it's a family recipe, but really, I just get the recipe from the box!
29638 6 13 Secret Santa 4554 Oscar That's funny.
29639 6 13 Secret Santa 4554 Pam Is it funny? I thought it was more ...interesting, than funny. I think my water just broke!
29640 6 13 Secret Santa 4554 Oscar That's too funny.
29641 6 13 Secret Santa 4555 Pam Oscar and the warehouse guy! Go Oscar! Go gay warehouse guy!
29642 6 13 Secret Santa 4556 Michael Heeeeeere's Santa! Hey little girl, what would you like for Christmas? Ooh, you have been a very naughty girl, I see.
29643 6 13 Secret Santa 4556 Pam Michael, we already have a Santa, Phyllis.
29644 6 13 Secret Santa 4556 Michael What the hell is going on?
29645 6 13 Secret Santa 4557 Michael Phyllis, Jim? Phyllis is Santa?
29646 6 13 Secret Santa 4557 Jim Yeah.
29647 6 13 Secret Santa 4557 Michael Phyllis?
29648 6 13 Secret Santa 4557 Jim Yeah I told her a long time ago she could do it.
29649 6 13 Secret Santa 4557 Michael Take it back. That is absurd.
29650 6 13 Secret Santa 4557 Jim No, I'm not gonna do that.
29651 6 13 Secret Santa 4557 Michael No? No! Jim! Come on!
29652 6 13 Secret Santa 4557 Jim I think she's doing a good job.
29653 6 13 Secret Santa 4557 Michael It's insane! A woman Santa, where does it stop? No! Jim, this may be the last Christmas that we have here, doesn't it make you a tiny bit anxious, me NOT playing Santa? Come on!
29654 6 13 Secret Santa 4557 Jim I'm not gonna go tell Phyllis that she can't be Santa.
29655 6 13 Secret Santa 4557 Michael Fine! Then do it anonymously. Ransom note style. You can- I -you know what, I have a bunch of letters cut out of magazines in my desk. You can use those.
29656 6 13 Secret Santa 4558 Michael If this were Russia, yeah sure. Everyone would go to one Santa, and there would be a line around the block and once you sat on her lap and she'd ask you what you wanted, you would say probably "freedom." At which point the KGB would arrest you and send you to Siberia. It's a good thing Russia doesn't exist anymore.
29657 6 13 Secret Santa 4559 Michael Ho ho ho! Why pay more to sit next to old Tranny Claus over there, when you can sit on my lap. Phyllis is only ... pretending to be a man, I'm the real thing. Sit down on my lap and there will be no doubt!
29658 6 13 Secret Santa 4559 Group Okay...
29659 6 13 Secret Santa 4559 Michael No it's not, not like penis-wise. Hello little boy, what's your name?
29660 6 13 Secret Santa 4559 Kevin Michael it's me, Kevin. Phyllis says I'm too big for her lap.
29661 6 13 Secret Santa 4559 Michael Oh! I am so sorry that Phyllis hates you. And hates your body. But, Santa remembers a reindeer that was just a tiny bit different as well.
29662 6 13 Secret Santa 4559 Kevin When can I sit on your lap?
29663 6 13 Secret Santa 4559 Michael Right now! Come on over here, big boy! There we go. Oh my God.
29664 6 13 Secret Santa 4559 Kevin That's really comfortable.
29665 6 13 Secret Santa 4559 Michael What would you like for Christmas little boy?
29666 6 13 Secret Santa 4559 Kevin I don't know. I didn't know you were gonna ask me that.
29667 6 13 Secret Santa 4559 Michael What did you think was going to happen?
29668 6 13 Secret Santa 4559 Kevin I didn't know. Nobody's ever let me sit on their lap before.
29669 6 13 Secret Santa 4559 Michael All right, just say "some toys" please.
29670 6 13 Secret Santa 4559 Kevin Can you give me some choices? Cause I really don't want to mess up on this list.
29671 6 13 Secret Santa 4559 Michael Damn it Kevin, come on.
29672 6 13 Secret Santa 4559 Kevin What about if I tell you the things I don't want?
29673 6 13 Secret Santa 4559 Michael Okay get off, get off! Oh! Oh, God!
29674 6 13 Secret Santa 4559 Kevin I didn't even get to tell you what I wanted!
29675 6 13 Secret Santa 4559 Michael Okay you know what you get? You get a thousand helium balloons attached to you so Santa doesn't have to go through this again.
29676 6 13 Secret Santa 4559 Kevin Awesome.
29677 6 13 Secret Santa 4560 Phyllis Well?
29678 6 13 Secret Santa 4560 Jim I'm trying Phyllis. You're Santa.
29679 6 13 Secret Santa 4560 Phyllis The only Santa.
29680 6 13 Secret Santa 4560 Jim That's what I want.
29681 6 13 Secret Santa 4560 Phyllis You promised me this. Don't make me get Bob involved!
29682 6 13 Secret Santa 4560 Jim What would Bob do?
29683 6 13 Secret Santa 4560 Phyllis Never mind, I shouldn't have said that.
29684 6 13 Secret Santa 4561 Andy Does it hurt?
29685 6 13 Secret Santa 4561 Erin It stings a lot.
29686 6 13 Secret Santa 4561 Andy Hmm.
29687 6 13 Secret Santa 4561 Erin I keep trying to figure out who's sending me these gifts.
29688 6 13 Secret Santa 4561 Andy I know, right?
29689 6 13 Secret Santa 4561 Erin So far no one will admit to it.
29690 6 13 Secret Santa 4561 Andy Huh!
29691 6 13 Secret Santa 4561 Erin Is it you?
29692 6 13 Secret Santa 4561 Andy Yeah! Totally! I admit it! It's me.
29693 6 13 Secret Santa 4561 Erin Seriously?
29694 6 13 Secret Santa 4561 Andy "Seriously?" Are you serious?
29695 6 13 Secret Santa 4561 Erin What?
29696 6 13 Secret Santa 4561 Andy Yeah! Totally serious! I'm your Secret Santa! Busted!
29697 6 13 Secret Santa 4562 Oscar There he is.
29698 6 13 Secret Santa 4562 Daryl Hey.
29699 6 13 Secret Santa 4562 Oscar Is Matt around? I got his check.
29700 6 13 Secret Santa 4562 Daryl Uh, Matt is on a delivery. Just leave it here, I'll take it.
29701 6 13 Secret Santa 4562 Oscar Ah, I'll just... wait for him.
29702 6 13 Secret Santa 4562 Daryl Matt's a pretty good-looking dude, don't you think?
29703 6 13 Secret Santa 4562 Oscar I'll just leave it here with you.
29704 6 13 Secret Santa 4563 Michael Ryan come here!
29705 6 13 Secret Santa 4563 Ryan Whoa, whoa.
29706 6 13 Secret Santa 4563 Michael Come on, come on.
29707 6 13 Secret Santa 4563 Ryan I'm doing something over here.
29708 6 13 Secret Santa 4563 Michael Ahhh... Ho ho ho! Come on I need this. Come over here!
29709 6 13 Secret Santa 4563 Ryan What are you talking about?
29710 6 13 Secret Santa 4563 Michael Just sit down!
29711 6 13 Secret Santa 4563 Ryan No no no.
29712 6 13 Secret Santa 4563 Jim Hey hey hey. Everything okay?
29713 6 13 Secret Santa 4563 Michael Yup. Ryan and I are just having some fun!
29714 6 13 Secret Santa 4563 Jim Can I just talk to you for a second?
29715 6 13 Secret Santa 4563 Michael Whoop! Okay, what?
29716 6 13 Secret Santa 4563 Jim You can't yell out "I need this, I need this" as you pin down an employee on your lap!
29717 6 13 Secret Santa 4563 Michael Okay. You know what Jim, there are two Santas in the room. Things get ruthless!
29718 6 13 Secret Santa 4563 Jim Yup.
29719 6 13 Secret Santa 4563 Michael Do you understand, you forced my hand?
29720 6 13 Secret Santa 4563 Jim Michael, it's Phyllis. We want Phyllis as Santa.
29721 6 13 Secret Santa 4563 Michael Oh, do we? Do "We?" Is that what "we" want? Why don't "we" take a vote on it?
29722 6 13 Secret Santa 4563 Jim Great!
29723 6 13 Secret Santa 4563 Michael Hey! Okay! Everybody! The office is being pulled apart! I realize that. There are traditions at stake. And there are--
29724 6 13 Secret Santa 4563 Jim Who wants Phyllis as Santa?
29725 6 13 Secret Santa 4563 Michael No no no wait! No! There are other choices, there is information that we -- Are you kidding me? Kevin? After you almost killed me?
29726 6 13 Secret Santa 4563 Kevin Michael I had you. I just want to try Phyllis.
29727 6 13 Secret Santa 4563 Jim And if you want Michael as Santa, raise your hand. Can I get you some punch?
29728 6 13 Secret Santa 4563 Michael I'll get some punch. That looks delicious.
29729 6 13 Secret Santa 4563 Office Aw, Michael!
29730 6 13 Secret Santa 4564 Dwight Excuse me. Whoever has been sending me the parts to this gun, I think you sent me a gear instead of a trigger.
29731 6 13 Secret Santa 4564 Phyllis How do you know it's a gun?
29732 6 13 Secret Santa 4564 Dwight What else does it look like?
29733 6 13 Secret Santa 4564 Stanley Not a gun.
29734 6 13 Secret Santa 4564 Dwight Well I don't have all the pieces yet.
29735 6 13 Secret Santa 4564 Stanley Well, unless the missing piece is a gun, you don't have a gun.
29736 6 13 Secret Santa 4564 Dwight Not a gun.
29737 6 13 Secret Santa 4565 Phyllis In the North Pole I spend many nights alone tinkering with toys. So today, let's put a twinkle in Ole Kris Kringle's eye! Let the party begin!
29738 6 13 Secret Santa 4566 Michael I don't ask for much for Christmas, I really don't. It's not like I'm begging people to buy me diamonds and ...broach pendants. "Oh buy me something expensive or I'm gonna kill myself." That's not - I don't care about that. All I want to be is Santa. And, you want to take that away from me? Fine. Go ahead. But when you need my help because I am ruining everything, don't look at me.
29739 6 13 Secret Santa 4567 Michael Behold! Jesus Christ. And I bring to you glad Christmas tidings. I want to remind everyone the true meaning of Christmas. Those of you who wish to join me, that's great. I'm excited by that. And those of you who don't, I forgive you. But I never forget.
29740 6 13 Secret Santa 4567 Toby Wow Michael, like this must be obvious how wrong this is.
29741 6 13 Secret Santa 4567 Michael Oh the Anti-Christ!
29742 6 13 Secret Santa 4567 Toby You can't, Ow. Look, you cannot push religion.
29743 6 13 Secret Santa 4567 Michael Oh but I can push drugs in here? Is that what you're saying?
29744 6 13 Secret Santa 4567 Toby No!
29745 6 13 Secret Santa 4567 Michael Well you have to pick one or the other. Your choice. Pick your poison. Get back to me. In the meantime, I am going to spread my goodness all over this company!
29746 6 13 Secret Santa 4568 Andy Hey Phyllis, could you not reveal to Erin that I'm her Secret Santa?
29747 6 13 Secret Santa 4568 Phyllis All right sweetie, I'll tell her its Michael.
29748 6 13 Secret Santa 4568 Andy Okay.
29749 6 13 Secret Santa 4569 Kelly, Erin I saw three ships come sailing in, on Christmas day, on Christmas day...
29750 6 13 Secret Santa 4569 Pam Have you talked to him?
29751 6 13 Secret Santa 4569 Oscar Who?
29752 6 13 Secret Santa 4569 Pam Matt?
29753 6 13 Secret Santa 4569 Oscar Is it that obvious? No- hey...
29754 6 13 Secret Santa 4569 Pam Mmm! Good pate, right? Oscar made it. Have you met Oscar?
29755 6 13 Secret Santa 4569 Matt I don't think so.
29756 6 13 Secret Santa 4569 Pam Hey, Oscar, come here. Oscar, this is Matt, and um, Matt loves your pate.
29757 6 13 Secret Santa 4569 Matt I had some.
29758 6 13 Secret Santa 4569 Pam Oscar's pate is great. I could eat it all day, every day. Mmm. How come the good ones are never straight, right?
29759 6 13 Secret Santa 4569 Oscar Okay Pam.
29760 6 13 Secret Santa 4569 Pam Okay.
29761 6 13 Secret Santa 4570 Pam Yes! They're the only two gay guys I know. But they should be together.
29762 6 13 Secret Santa 4571 Phyllis This just arrived from the Dunder Mifflin North Pole branch!
29763 6 13 Secret Santa 4571 Dwight We don't have a North Pole branch. Idiot.
29764 6 13 Secret Santa 4571 Michael Uh oh, what's Dwight gonna get? What is iiiit?
29765 6 13 Secret Santa 4571 Dwight Yes!
29766 6 13 Secret Santa 4571 Michael Oh yes. It's space garbage. Dwight's gonna be able to build himself a friend! Deck the halls with crappy gifts...
29767 6 13 Secret Santa 4571 Phyllis Ho ho ho! For Stanley! Ho ho ho! You've been very good this year -
29768 6 13 Secret Santa 4571 Stanley I have.
29769 6 13 Secret Santa 4571 Michael Yeah, except for cheating on your wife. Adultery's a sin, look it up in the Bible people. What'd you get?
29770 6 13 Secret Santa 4571 Kevin He got scented candles!
29771 6 13 Secret Santa 4571 Michael Oh, that's appropriate. Lot of fire where you're going. Better get used to it. You're going to H-E-L-L double hockey sticks. You're going to Hell Stanley.
29772 6 13 Secret Santa 4571 Angela Amen.
29773 6 13 Secret Santa 4571 Phyllis And this brings us to you, little one.
29774 6 13 Secret Santa 4571 Michael I can't see from here people. Somebody shout it out, don't make me get up.
29775 6 13 Secret Santa 4571 Angela It's fabric! I really wanted this.
29776 6 13 Secret Santa 4571 Michael That's fantastic. You can make another dress that goes past your feet.
29777 6 13 Secret Santa 4571 Angela Andy, is this you?
29778 6 13 Secret Santa 4571 Michael No!
29779 6 13 Secret Santa 4571 Phyllis It's a secret.
29780 6 13 Secret Santa 4571 Michael Andy had Erin.
29781 6 13 Secret Santa 4571 Andy Nnnnya.
29782 6 13 Secret Santa 4571 Michael What? Was I not supposed to say it? What? Turn it back on.
29783 6 13 Secret Santa 4571 Jim No.
29784 6 13 Secret Santa 4572 David Yes Michael, what is so urgent?
29785 6 13 Secret Santa 4572 Michael David, guess who I'm sitting here dressed as.
29786 6 13 Secret Santa 4572 David I'm not going to guess. You can tell me or I am going to hang up.
29787 6 13 Secret Santa 4572 Michael I'll give you a hint. His last name is Christ. He has the power of flight. He can heal leopards.
29788 6 13 Secret Santa 4572 David Michael...
29789 6 13 Secret Santa 4572 Michael I'm Jesus, David, and you know why? Because Phyllis, a woman, has uslurped my role as Santa.
29790 6 13 Secret Santa 4572 David Michael-
29791 6 13 Secret Santa 4572 Michael What?
29792 6 13 Secret Santa 4572 David This is a very very bad time.
29793 6 13 Secret Santa 4572 Michael Really? What's going on?
29794 6 13 Secret Santa 4572 David Stephanie, can you hop off please?
29795 6 13 Secret Santa 4572 Stephanie Sure David.
29796 6 13 Secret Santa 4572 Michael What the hell? How rude! Does she do that all the time?
29797 6 13 Secret Santa 4572 Erin Do you want me off the call too Michael?
29798 6 13 Secret Santa 4572 Michael Hey! Get off! Get off the phone!
29799 6 13 Secret Santa 4572 David Listen, I shouldn't tell you this, but the company has a buyer. The board will have no choice to approve. They are going to clean house.
29800 6 13 Secret Santa 4572 Michael What does that mean?
29801 6 13 Secret Santa 4572 David I'll be fired.
29802 6 13 Secret Santa 4572 Michael Well, can't Alan protect you?
29803 6 13 Secret Santa 4572 David Alan will be out too. All of us.
29804 6 13 Secret Santa 4572 Michael All of us?
29805 6 13 Secret Santa 4572 David Goodbye Michael.
29806 6 13 Secret Santa 4572 Michael Oh my God.
29807 6 13 Secret Santa 4573 Michael Earlier today this office needed a Santa. And then it needed a second Santa. And then it needed a Jesus. And now, it needs a Michael. And that's one suit Phyllis cannot fit into.
29808 6 13 Secret Santa 4574 Michael Hey. How's everybody doing?
29809 6 13 Secret Santa 4574 Jim Not great. You heckled Santa for an hour and a half.
29810 6 13 Secret Santa 4574 Michael That was a different guy. That was Jesus. Jesus sort of ruined the party. Hurt petulant Jesus.
29811 6 13 Secret Santa 4574 Angela Are you serious? This is so offensive.
29812 6 13 Secret Santa 4574 Michael You know what's even more offensive, is baling on this party because some... jerk ruined the first part of it. Dwight come here. Here's my debit card, I want you to go pick up a bunch of pizzas and meet me in the conference room.
29813 6 13 Secret Santa 4574 Dwight What's your pin number?
29814 6 13 Secret Santa 4574 Michael I don't want to say. But, "it's fun to stay at the -"
29815 6 13 Secret Santa 4574 Michael "It's fun to stay at the -"
29816 6 13 Secret Santa 4574 Dwight Where? Holiday Inn? I don't ...
29817 6 13 Secret Santa 4574 Michael Mmm, mm mm mm.
29818 6 13 Secret Santa 4575 Andy I, I thought that you would like it.
29819 6 13 Secret Santa 4575 Erin It was a little much Andy.
29820 6 13 Secret Santa 4575 Andy Well it's the thought that counts.
29821 6 13 Secret Santa 4575 Erin What were you thinking?
29822 6 13 Secret Santa 4576 Andy I suppose a gentlemen might... throw in the towel, at this point. Guess what? Not gonna happen.
29823 6 13 Secret Santa 4577 Michael You know what, Christmas isn't about Santa, or Jesus. It's about the workplace. All of you feel like my family. Ryan, you are my son. And Pam, you're my wife. And Jim. And Angela and Phyllis, you are my Grandmas. And Stanley, you're our mailman. And I can't help but look at all your wonderful beautiful faces and think, "How could they do this to us?"
29824 6 13 Secret Santa 4577 Jim What?
29825 6 13 Secret Santa 4577 Pam How could we do what?
29826 6 13 Secret Santa 4577 Michael It's not... Nevermind. Nothing.
29827 6 13 Secret Santa 4577 Stanley We deserve to know.
29828 6 13 Secret Santa 4577 Michael I didn't say anything!
29829 6 13 Secret Santa 4577 Angela If you know something Michael...
29830 6 13 Secret Santa 4577 Michael We're going out of business!
29831 6 13 Secret Santa 4577 Group WHAT?
29832 6 13 Secret Santa 4577 Jim What?
29833 6 13 Secret Santa 4577 Dwight You are kidding me!
29834 6 13 Secret Santa 4577 Jim Wait wait wait, who said that?
29835 6 13 Secret Santa 4577 Michael David told me on the phone. David told me.
29836 6 13 Secret Santa 4577 Dwight When? When did he tell you? Today?
29837 6 13 Secret Santa 4577 Michael Earlier today.
29838 6 13 Secret Santa 4577 Dwight Awww!
29839 6 13 Secret Santa 4577 Michael He said, we have been sold.
29840 6 13 Secret Santa 4577 Jim What?
29841 6 13 Secret Santa 4577 Dwight Aaaarrhh!
29842 6 13 Secret Santa 4577 Michael Dwight! Jesus!
29843 6 13 Secret Santa 4577 Angela Come on!
29844 6 13 Secret Santa 4577 Jim Michael, wait. So they said we are sold?
29845 6 13 Secret Santa 4577 Michael David's gone. Alan's gone. We're all gone.
29846 6 13 Secret Santa 4577 Jim Okay. We haven't gone under. We've been sold and that can mean many different things.
29847 6 13 Secret Santa 4577 Michael It's hard for me to imagine a scenario, where Meredith Palmer keeps her job and David Wallace does not - no offense Meredith.
29848 6 13 Secret Santa 4577 Meredith No, I get it.
29849 6 13 Secret Santa 4577 Michael I'll call him. I'll call David.
29850 6 13 Secret Santa 4577 Jim No, you won't, because he's not picking up his phone.
29851 6 13 Secret Santa 4577 Michael Yes, I will. Because I always know how to get through to him.
29852 6 13 Secret Santa 4578 Michael He told me where his kids go to school. I call the school, I tell them I'm a pediatrician. They patch me through to his secretary. I use my little girl voice. Badda bing, badda boom.
29853 6 13 Secret Santa 4579 David Hey Sweetie, what is it?
29854 6 13 Secret Santa 4579 Michael It's not sweetie, it's Michael Scott.
29855 6 13 Secret Santa 4579 David What the hell?
29856 6 13 Secret Santa 4579 Michael Stephanie could you hop off please?
29857 6 13 Secret Santa 4579 David Michael, I have never-
29858 6 13 Secret Santa 4579 Michael David!
29859 6 13 Secret Santa 4579 David Ever, ever...
29860 6 13 Secret Santa 4579 Michael David, you are on speakerphone with the entire branch, and the warehouse.
29861 6 13 Secret Santa 4579 Dwight Hey David.
29862 6 13 Secret Santa 4579 Kelly Hi David!
29863 6 13 Secret Santa 4579 David Hello everyone.
29864 6 13 Secret Santa 4579 Michael David, they do not believe me. When you told me everyone was canned.
29865 6 13 Secret Santa 4579 David You weren't supposed to tell anyone Michael.
29866 6 13 Secret Santa 4579 Michael Well I think we're past that now.
29867 6 13 Secret Santa 4579 David I am not supposed to... Okay. Guys. I was really only talking about Alan, myself, a few other execs you don't know.
29868 6 13 Secret Santa 4579 Jim Oh my God, David. That's horrible.
29869 6 13 Secret Santa 4579 Meredith How 'bout us? It's Meredith. By the way, your wife is a very lucky woman.
29870 6 13 Secret Santa 4579 David Look. They're buying the company for the distribution. You guys are the only thing about this company that works. So congratulations.
29871 6 13 Secret Santa 4579 Michael We're not fired?
29872 6 13 Secret Santa 4579 David No! No, and congratulations.
29873 6 13 Secret Santa 4579 Michael Yeah! It's a Christmas miracle!
29874 6 13 Secret Santa 4579 Dwight Yeah!
29875 6 13 Secret Santa 4579 Michael Woo hoo!
29876 6 13 Secret Santa 4580 Dwight I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known. Don't know where it goes, but it's home to me and I walk alone.
29877 6 13 Secret Santa 4580 Dwight It's true. We all walk alone.
29878 6 13 Secret Santa 4581 Kelly Jim.... Jim!
29879 6 13 Secret Santa 4582 Dwight My shadow's the only one that walks beside me. My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating...
29880 6 13 Secret Santa 4583 Toby Wow! Cause...
29881 6 13 Secret Santa 4583 Ryan Yeah! That was the idea.
29882 6 13 Secret Santa 4583 Toby Thank you!
29883 6 13 Secret Santa 4583 Ryan Awesome!
29884 6 13 Secret Santa 4583 Toby Thanks man!
29885 6 13 Secret Santa 4584 Kevin Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree, thy leaves are so unchanging...
29886 6 13 Secret Santa 4585 Michael Oh! You got it? What is that?
29887 6 13 Secret Santa 4585 Dwight I have no idea.
29888 6 13 Secret Santa 4585 Michael Huh. Well, maybe those will help.
29889 6 13 Secret Santa 4585 Dwight Michael? Please! Come on!
29890 6 13 Secret Santa 4586 Matt Nice to meet you Oscar.
29891 6 13 Secret Santa 4586 Oscar Nice to meet you Mark!
29892 6 13 Secret Santa 4586 Matt It's Matt.
29893 6 13 Secret Santa 4586 Oscar Right, Matt. I know what I'm doing, Pam.
29894 6 13 Secret Santa 4587 Dwight Oh man! I can use this for so many nuts! Macadamias, Brazil nuts, pecans, almonds. Clams, snails...
29895 6 13 Secret Santa 4588 Michael Hi Santa.
29896 6 13 Secret Santa 4588 Phyllis Hi Michael. Mm. 'kay.
29897 6 13 Secret Santa 4588 Michael I'd like to make a wish.
29898 6 13 Secret Santa 4588 Phyllis What?
29899 6 13 Secret Santa 4588 Michael I would like an Xbox, and a TV that's compatible with an Xbox. And, I'm sorry.
29900 6 13 Secret Santa 4588 Phyllis An Xbox it is. Because I've decided you're a good boy.
29901 6 13 Secret Santa 4588 Bob Vance Scott! What in the hell is going on here?
29902 6 13 Secret Santa 4588 Phyllis No Bob, we worked it out.
29903 6 13 Secret Santa 4588 Michael You called Bob?
29904 6 13 Secret Santa 4588 Phyllis I'm sorry,
29905 6 13 Secret Santa 4588 Michael Come on! Phyllis!
29906 6 13 Secret Santa 4588 Phyllis I'm really sorry. It was earlier today.
29907 6 13 Secret Santa 4588 Michael Okay.
29908 6 13 Secret Santa 4588 Phyllis Hi sweetie.
29909 6 13 Secret Santa 4588 Bob Vance You okay baby?
29910 6 13 Secret Santa 4588 Phyllis I'm good baby.
29911 6 13 Secret Santa 4588 Michael Oh God. Get a room Santas!
29912 6 13 Secret Santa 4589 Michael Thank you Santa. Happy Holidays.
29913 6 13 Secret Santa 4589 Dwight It's real slippery out here.
29914 6 13 Secret Santa 4589 Jim Oh my God!
29915 6 13 Secret Santa 4589 Pam Twelve drummers drumming.
29916 6 13 Secret Santa 4589 Andy Merry Christmas Erin! Take it away boys!
29917 6 14 The Banker 4590 Michael Dunder Mifflin is about to be sold. But first an investment banker has to drop by and sign off on our branch. And... I'm... pretty nervous about it. And... I'm... making some cosmetic tweaks to help create a more appealing environment. Is that dishonest? Well, think of it this way: when you look in the mirror and you see your push-up bra and your fake eyelashes and your make-up and your press-on nails; the principles that I am applying to the office are the same ones that have made Lady Gaga a star... or any number of drag queens.
29918 6 14 The Banker 4591 Eric Hi -
29919 6 14 The Banker 4591 Computron Hello, Eric Ward. Welcome to Dunder Mifflin. I am Computron, your answer to everything.
29920 6 14 The Banker 4591 Eric Hello.
29921 6 14 The Banker 4591 Michael I see you've met Computron, our virtual helper. I'm Michael Scott. Welcome. Welcome. Computron is just one of the many modern devices that I have incorporated into the office. Watch this. Computron?
29922 6 14 The Banker 4591 Computron Yes.
29923 6 14 The Banker 4591 Michael What is the world's largest ocean?
29924 6 14 The Banker 4591 Computron Calculating. Calculating. Pacific!
29925 6 14 The Banker 4591 Michael Pacific Ocean. Pretty cool, huh?
29926 6 14 The Banker 4591 Andy Great news, Michael. We're now the official paper supplier of the NFL.
29927 6 14 The Banker 4591 Michael That is fantastic. It's good, but it's not good enough. Keep working. And here's Pam. She's our international sales consultant.
29928 6 14 The Banker 4591 Pam Hello.
29929 6 14 The Banker 4591 Computron The NFL celebrated its 50th anniversary in 1972.
29930 6 14 The Banker 4591 Pam Hola. Bonjour. Ni Hao.
29931 6 14 The Banker 4592 Pam It might seem crazy, but since there's no one left in New York, Michael is Dunder Mifflin's highest ranking employee. So, that's where we are.
29932 6 14 The Banker 4593 Michael Hello, Stanley.
29933 6 14 The Banker 4593 Fake Stanley Hi.
29934 6 14 The Banker 4594 Pam For the record? Not on board with fake Stanley... although, I get it.
29935 6 14 The Banker 4595 Eric Uh, I just need to check out your warehouse and then talk to your HR guy. That is pretty much the only reason I'm here.
29936 6 14 The Banker 4595 Michael Ok. Well, I thought I'd show you around a little bit -
29937 6 14 The Banker 4595 Eric Right.
29938 6 14 The Banker 4595 Michael - since you made the trip out. And I got us reservations at Cooper's Seafood. You like lobster? You've had lobster before, right?
29939 6 14 The Banker 4595 Eric Yeah.
29940 6 14 The Banker 4595 Michael They make the best Maine lobster in the world. You'll love it.
29941 6 14 The Banker 4595 Computron Mul Yam in Tel Aviv is better.
29942 6 14 The Banker 4595 Michael No, Computron, actually I think Cooper's is the best. You're gonna love it.
29943 6 14 The Banker 4595 Computron Are you calling me wrong?
29944 6 14 The Banker 4595 Michael Oh, my God.
29945 6 14 The Banker 4596 Eric It's called 'due diligence'. Basically, I confirm inventory, take a head count, see if there are any HR liabilities. I'm a glorified fact checker. Actually, I am a fact checker.
29946 6 14 The Banker 4597 Michael Alright. Excuse me. If you will -
29947 6 14 The Banker 4597 Ryan Michael, do you think I could get a space heater -
29948 6 14 The Banker 4597 Michael - follow me this way. I'll introduce you to the crack HR rep that you requested. I give you Toby Flenderson. Have fun, you two.
29949 6 14 The Banker 4597 Dwight Oh, we will. Have a seat.
29950 6 14 The Banker 4598 Michael I left a copy of Best American Mystery Stories 1999 in Toby's favorite stall. So, yes, I think I bought us some time.
29951 6 14 The Banker 4599 Eric So, um, the manager, Michael Scott... is a bit of a character.
29952 6 14 The Banker 4599 Dwight He has more character in a single flake of his dandruff then you have in that entire snow bank on your shoulder. Wait, what was the question?
29953 6 14 The Banker 4599 Toby What are, are you doing at my desk?
29954 6 14 The Banker 4599 Dwight Ignore him. He's the local lunatic.
29955 6 14 The Banker 4599 Toby Come on, Dwight. Get out of here.
29956 6 14 The Banker 4599 Dwight Dwight? Who is this Dwight? Oh! You mean Dwight Schrute, the company's top salesman and the creator of Computron. I wear many hats but the one I'm currently wearing is that of gracious host. Welcome.
29957 6 14 The Banker 4599 Toby Sorry. Hey, Toby Flenderson. Nice to meet you. How can I help?
29958 6 14 The Banker 4599 Eric Um, are there any outstanding liability issues to be aware of?
29959 6 14 The Banker 4599 Toby What do you mean?
29960 6 14 The Banker 4599 Eric Well, safety issues, injuries that could leave the company open to potential lawsuits.
29961 6 14 The Banker 4599 Toby Um... nothing comes to mind.
29962 6 14 The Banker 4600 Eric So, the staff?
29963 6 14 The Banker 4600 Toby Mm-hmm.
29964 6 14 The Banker 4600 Eric Are people generally happy?
29965 6 14 The Banker 4600 Toby Happy's a funny word.
29966 6 14 The Banker 4600 Eric In what way?
29967 6 14 The Banker 4600 Toby You know, uh, what does it mean to be happy. Keep philosophers busy for awhile.
29968 6 14 The Banker 4600 Eric So... generally?
29969 6 14 The Banker 4600 Toby Yes.
29970 6 14 The Banker 4600 Eric Generally.
29971 6 14 The Banker 4600 Toby Generally happy.
29972 6 14 The Banker 4600 Eric Generally happy.
29973 6 14 The Banker 4601 Eric What about non-safety issues, in terms of liability? Sexual harassment. Anything like that?
29974 6 14 The Banker 4601 Toby Oh, I don't know.
29975 6 14 The Banker 4601 Eric You, you don't know.
29976 6 14 The Banker 4601 Toby I don't know.
29977 6 14 The Banker 4601 Eric You're the head of Human Resources.
29978 6 14 The Banker 4601 Toby I don't know. No.
29979 6 14 The Banker 4601 Eric Ok.
29980 6 14 The Banker 4602 Toby I don't know how I'm going to get through this. I don't want to lie and I DON'T want to tell the truth.
29981 6 14 The Banker 4603 Michael Hey, Tobes. Whatcha doin'? Whatcha guys talkin' about?
29982 6 14 The Banker 4603 Toby Well, Eric's just going over some stuff.
29983 6 14 The Banker 4603 Michael Stuff. I love stuff.
29984 6 14 The Banker 4603 Toby It's, uh, it's HR stuff.
29985 6 14 The Banker 4603 Michael HR stuff? HR Pufnstuf. Right up my alley. What is that? What kind of stuff is that?
29986 6 14 The Banker 4603 Eric It's uh, it's a company evaluation form.
29987 6 14 The Banker 4603 Michael Ah.
29988 6 14 The Banker 4603 Eric Talkin' bout, uh -
29989 6 14 The Banker 4603 Michael Talkin' bout, uh, what?
29990 6 14 The Banker 4603 Eric Waste is next.
29991 6 14 The Banker 4603 Michael Waste? What does that even mean? Like garbage?
29992 6 14 The Banker 4603 Eric No, waste of time and resources.
29993 6 14 The Banker 4603 Michael Oh, time and resources.
29994 6 14 The Banker 4603 Toby Look, you know, in any company there's going to be certain degrees -
29995 6 14 The Banker 4603 Michael No. No. No. No. No. No. Respectfully, Toby, no. No. This company does not waste time or resources, ever.
29996 6 14 The Banker 4604 Eric Is anyone near retirement age?
29997 6 14 The Banker 4605 Eric Hey, uh, yeah, I finally got a chance to sit down with HR. So... well, I think I'm gonna be here for awhile.
29998 6 14 The Banker 4606 Michael This is a building where friends become lovers and lovers become sexually interactive. Right? Would you agree with that?
29999 6 14 The Banker 4606 Toby Michael, this is really inappropriate to talk about.
30000 6 14 The Banker 4606 Michael That's, that is true.
30001 6 14 The Banker 4607 Dwight Thank you, so much.
30002 6 14 The Banker 4607 Kevin Thank you.
30003 6 14 The Banker 4607 Angela Thank you.
30004 6 14 The Banker 4607 Eric Thank you. It's nice to meet you all.
30005 6 14 The Banker 4607 Pam Good to meet you.
30006 6 14 The Banker 4607 Angela Have a great day.
30007 6 14 The Banker 4607 Dwight Hope to see you soon.
30008 6 14 The Banker 4607 Kevin Yeah.
30009 6 14 The Banker 4608 Michael I feel very sorry for that banker because he has to evaluate what we are worth. He has to decide what we are capable of and how do you do that? What is Jim capable of... or Pam... or Kevin?
30010 6 14 The Banker 4609 Michael I don't care if he goes and files a report and says that we're nothing special because I think our future is very bright. We have only just begun.
30011 6 14 The Banker 4609 Computron Computron experiencing emotion.
30012 6 14 The Banker 4609 Michael Computron, I'm gonna pull your plug. Ok? Buddy?
30013 6 14 The Banker 4609 Computron Ok.
30014 6 14 The Banker 4609 Michael Just - sh -
30015 6 14 The Banker 4609 Computron Please don't. Computron -
30016 6 14 The Banker 4609 Michael Shut -
30017 6 14 The Banker 4609 Computron wants to live.
30018 6 14 The Banker 4609 Michael Shut up. Shut up.
30019 6 14 The Banker 4610 Michael Sittin' in my office with a plate of grilled bacon. Called my man, Dwight, just to see what was shakin'.
30020 6 14 The Banker 4610 Dwight Yo, Mike, our town is dope and pretty.
30021 6 14 The Banker 4610 Michael So check out how we live
30022 6 14 The Banker 4610 Both in the Electric City!
30023 6 14 The Banker 4610 Michael They call it Scranton!
30024 6 14 The Banker 4610 Dwight What?
30025 6 14 The Banker 4610 Michael The Electric City. Scranton!
30026 6 14 The Banker 4610 Dwight What?
30027 6 14 The Banker 4610 Michael The Electric City. Lazy Scranton, the Electric City. They call it that 'cause of the electricity. The city's laid out from East to West and our public parks are libraries are truly the best. Call poison control if you're bitten by a spider.
30028 6 14 The Banker 4610 Dwight But check that it's covered by your
30029 6 14 The Banker 4610 Both Healthcare Provider!
30030 6 14 The Banker 4610 Michael Plenty of space in the parking lot.
30031 6 14 The Banker 4610 Dwight But the little cars go in the compact spot!
30032 6 14 The Banker 4610 Both Spot. Spot. Spot. Spot. Spot.
30033 6 14 The Banker 4610 Michael Snack attack time.
30034 6 14 The Banker 4610 Dwight Don't lose your head.
30035 6 14 The Banker 4610 Michael We like Cugino's
30036 6 14 The Banker 4610 Both for the tasty bread.
30037 6 14 The Banker 4610 Michael They call it Scranton!
30038 6 14 The Banker 4610 Dwight What?
30039 6 14 The Banker 4610 Michael The Electric City. Scranton!
30040 6 14 The Banker 4610 Dwight What?
30041 6 14 The Banker 4610 Michael The Electric City. Scranton!
30042 6 14 The Banker 4610 Dwight What?
30043 6 14 The Banker 4610 Michael The Electric City. Scranton!
30044 6 14 The Banker 4610 Dwight What?
30045 6 14 The Banker 4610 Michael The Electric City. Scranton!
30046 6 14 The Banker 4610 Dwight What?
30047 6 14 The Banker 4610 Michael Ugh.
30048 6 15 Sabre 4611 Michael Oh, yeah. I got a big box, yes I do. I got a big box how 'bout you?
30049 6 15 Sabre 4611 Erin I got a big box, yes I do. I got a big box how 'bout you?
30050 6 15 Sabre 4611 Oscar I think you don't know what you're saying.
30051 6 15 Sabre 4611 Michael It's from "Sob-ray", our new owner, and it is to Sabre, us. I wonder what's inside. Scissor me.
30052 6 15 Sabre 4612 Michael Dunder Mifflin was recently bought by an electronics company named Sabre. They stepped in at the 11th hour, and they saved our asses. Although David Wallace said that we were the one branch that was actually working right, so we probably could have saved our own asses. We didn't need them touching our asses.
30053 6 15 Sabre 4613 Michael Oh! Wow. Awesome. For accounting, a brand new printer. And for the sales staff, a new fax machine. This cord has Creed written all over it. And whoever would like a brand new scanner can come visit it in my office. Thank you.
30054 6 15 Sabre 4614 Dwight Here we go. Oh! Wow.
30055 6 15 Sabre 4614 Michael Cool. What next?
30056 6 15 Sabre 4614 Erin Guys, um, who's Gabe? This note says to put the box aside for Gabe Lewis, who's coming tomorrow?
30057 6 15 Sabre 4615 Michael Okay, everybody, listen up. I have some bad news. Due to circumstances beyond my control -
30058 6 15 Sabre 4615 Dwight Impulsivity and inattention to detail.
30059 6 15 Sabre 4615 Michael Hey, hey. I have opened a box, which should not have been opened...
30060 6 15 Sabre 4615 Dwight Terrible mistake.
30061 6 15 Sabre 4615 Michael And distributed things which should not have been distributed.
30062 6 15 Sabre 4615 Dwight Undistributable.
30063 6 15 Sabre 4615 Pam Well, maybe we can put the box back together.
30064 6 15 Sabre 4615 Dwight Impossible. He opened it like an ape.
30065 6 15 Sabre 4615 Oscar I think we can do it.
30066 6 15 Sabre 4616 Pam Yep, yep.
30067 6 15 Sabre 4616 Oscar Right? Mm. Did we try printer first? Shredder at an angle -
30068 6 15 Sabre 4616 Pam Yep.
30069 6 15 Sabre 4616 Oscar Fax, cable, then the scanner upside down?
30070 6 15 Sabre 4616 Pam Yes.
30071 6 15 Sabre 4616 Creed Have you tried making everything smaller?
30072 6 15 Sabre 4617 Michael And - Wow. Really nice job. This group of people, when they put their minds together, they can do something great. And I think that you should all be proud of yourselves.
30073 6 15 Sabre 4617 Pam Oh, Michael.
30074 6 15 Sabre 4617 Michael Alright, relax. We can do it. We just did it. So we can do this again. Erin, scissor me please.
30075 6 15 Sabre 4617 Pam No, don't!
30076 6 15 Sabre 4617 Michael Thank you. Oh! Got it. Ok.
30077 6 15 Sabre 4617 Michael Alright, he's on his way up. Okay. Are we ready?
30078 6 15 Sabre 4617 Pam What do you want us to do?
30079 6 15 Sabre 4617 Michael Why do I have to explain everything?
30080 6 15 Sabre 4617 Pam Because we're usually not on the same page.
30081 6 15 Sabre 4617 Michael Okay.
30082 6 15 Sabre 4617 Gabe Oh. Okay. And to you.
30083 6 15 Sabre 4618 Michael Gabe seems tall. Hope we get along. Had a very good thing going with David Wallace. He was a good guy. He was somebody I could trust. Here he is. You can really see that he is ok taking a picture with me. Even though I was there for disciplinary reasons.
30084 6 15 Sabre 4619 Dwight Welcome. Scranton hot dog from Scranton?
30085 6 15 Sabre 4619 Michael You know what, Dwight? Let's give him a minute to settle in, shall we? Ok?
30086 6 15 Sabre 4619 Gabe Um, hi, uh, my name is Gabe Lewis. I am coordinating director for merging regions.
30087 6 15 Sabre 4619 Michael Hello, Gabe. I am Michael Scott, co-manager. This is my protege, Jim Halpert.
30088 6 15 Sabre 4619 Jim Co-manager, actually.
30089 6 15 Sabre 4619 Michael In training.
30090 6 15 Sabre 4619 Jim Trained. Loving it. Good at it. So...
30091 6 15 Sabre 4619 Gabe We are very impressed with this branch and we are so excited about this merger.
30092 6 15 Sabre 4619 Michael We're very excited too, aren't we guys? Right?
30093 6 15 Sabre 4619 Dwight So excited.
30094 6 15 Sabre 4619 Michael We have a little song prepared for you.
30095 6 15 Sabre 4619 Gabe Um, actually, if you don't mind, I would love to put this on the Sabre website.
30096 6 15 Sabre 4619 Michael Sabre. Say-ber. Sabre.
30097 6 15 Sabre 4619 Dwight Oh. Of course.
30098 6 15 Sabre 4619 Michael Yes, say-ber. Good. Take it away guys.
30099 6 15 Sabre 4619 Andy Ok.
30100 6 15 Sabre 4619 Andy, Erin Hopped off the train in Scranton, PA, another cloudy gray afternoon. Jumped in the cab, here you are for the first time, look to the right see the "Electric City" sign. This is gonna be good day, for Dunder Mifflin and Sob-ray. Sab -
30101 6 15 Sabre 4619 Michael Saber.
30102 6 15 Sabre 4619 Andy Saber. Dunder Mifflin and Saber. So yeah, yeah, yay, yay.
30103 6 15 Sabre 4619 Andy, Erin Dunder Mifflin is a part of Sob-ray. So yeah, yeah, yay, yay. Dunder Mifflin is a part of Sabre.
30104 6 15 Sabre 4619 Andy You sure it's saber?
30105 6 15 Sabre 4620 Pam Hey.
30106 6 15 Sabre 4620 Jim Thank you. Hey, we should be fine if we leave around 11:20.
30107 6 15 Sabre 4620 Pam Oh, you mapquested it. It's four blocks away.
30108 6 15 Sabre 4620 Jim Well, now we won't get lost. Or we could drive. And that takes one minute.
30109 6 15 Sabre 4621 Pam We found a great local daycare. It's rated really high by all the local parenting websites. But that means it's also really hard to get into.
30110 6 15 Sabre 4621 Jim Turns out, a lot of parents want the very best for their children. That's weird.
30111 6 15 Sabre 4621 Pam We're hoping our interview seals the deal.
30112 6 15 Sabre 4621 Jim But if not, there's always the army. The infantry.
30113 6 15 Sabre 4621 Pam Okay. Okay. Yeah.
30114 6 15 Sabre 4622 Christian Slater So you've just been bought by Sabre. You've probably got a lot of questions. Hi. I'm Christian Slater. What's it like to work for Sabre? Let's find out together. Working at Sabre means taking on the challenge of the road that rises to meet you. Sabre is respecting the past, but opening a window to the future. Have you ever tasted a rainbow? At Sabre, you will.
30115 6 15 Sabre 4622 Jo You'll find it easy to embrace the Sabre spirit. Welcome. We're very excited to go on this journey with you.
30116 6 15 Sabre 4623 Jim So you've been shown a nonsensical video. You're probably wondering, "What's going on?" Well, you're not alone.
30117 6 15 Sabre 4624 Michael Wow. Really terrific.
30118 6 15 Sabre 4624 Gabe Most of our business comes from selling printers. So don't think of yourselves as paper salesmen anymore, but as printer salesmen who also sell paper.
30119 6 15 Sabre 4624 Michael Perfect.
30120 6 15 Sabre 4625 Michael No. Don't like that.
30121 6 15 Sabre 4626 Gabe At Sabre, we really encourage honest communication. You should always feel free to express your thoughts, your -
30122 6 15 Sabre 4626 Meredith Talk about vacation days!
30123 6 15 Sabre 4626 Gabe We have a policy here at Sabre where we are, uh, allowed to take two weeks.
30124 6 15 Sabre 4626 Oscar But I banked six weeks.
30125 6 15 Sabre 4626 Angela I already booked a Great Lakes cruise.
30126 6 15 Sabre 4626 Meredith Hey, who the hell's going through our stuff?
30127 6 15 Sabre 4626 Gabe Actually, that's Nick. He's your new IT guy. Uh, he's setting up a site blocker. Mostly blocking the inappropriate sites. And then there are the time-wasting sites like Twitter, YouTube. We are blocking those as well.
30128 6 15 Sabre 4627 Michael Mm, nope. Don't like that.
30129 6 15 Sabre 4628 Gabe Ok, did everyone get one? With these bottles, we eliminate the need for plastic water bottles, which are the scourge of the environment.
30130 6 15 Sabre 4628 Michael We'll still get to use the little cups, though, right?
30131 6 15 Sabre 4628 Gabe Little cups? Like paper or plastic or... ?
30132 6 15 Sabre 4628 Michael I don't know what they're made of.
30133 6 15 Sabre 4628 Dwight They're 2 ounce paper cups dipped in plastic. He goes through 20 a day.
30134 6 15 Sabre 4628 Gabe Ok, well, I bet you can fit 20 little cups of water in your aluminum bottle.
30135 6 15 Sabre 4628 Michael You know what can't fit in a bottle, are the 20 little trips I take to the cooler, and the 20 little scans I do of everybody to make sure everything's running smoothly. And the 20 little conversations that I have with Stanley.
30136 6 15 Sabre 4628 Stanley That's ok.
30137 6 15 Sabre 4629 Michael There is a small part of me that is actually very excited about this new company. But 70 percent of me is water, and the other part, the real part, the part that has feelings and emotions and thoughts and makes decisions and, if I can be crass, makes babies, that part thinks that all of these changes suck ba -
30138 6 15 Sabre 4630 Michael Really? You don't have enough water in there? Your stomach?
30139 6 15 Sabre 4630 Toby Oop.
30140 6 15 Sabre 4630 Michael What?
30141 6 15 Sabre 4630 Toby Looks like we kicked it.
30142 6 15 Sabre 4631 Michael I miss the old Dunder Mifflin. Too much change is not a good thing. Ask the climate.
30143 6 15 Sabre 4632 Michael I don't want to appear ungrateful for everything Sabre's doing for us.
30144 6 15 Sabre 4632 Gabe Oh, I don't get that sense at all from you, so...
30145 6 15 Sabre 4632 Michael Well, you should have a little. But it's great that you don't, because I am trying to embrace all of these changes, but I'm - I'll be honest, I'm having trouble wrapping my head around a couple of 'em.
30146 6 15 Sabre 4632 Gabe Which ones?
30147 6 15 Sabre 4632 Michael All of them.
30148 6 15 Sabre 4632 Gabe Well, I wish that I could do something, but it's kind of policy, you know? Above my pay grade. You know?
30149 6 15 Sabre 4632 Michael So maybe we should call. We should call someone. I could help. I'm good with bosses. Call one of the higher-ups?
30150 6 15 Sabre 4632 Gabe You know what? Let me see what I can do.
30151 6 15 Sabre 4633 Jim Ok, this is officially the cutest thing I've ever seen. Cubbies. I totally forgot about cubbies.
30152 6 15 Sabre 4633 Pam There's a finger-painting station and a curly slide. Am I too old to go here?
30153 6 15 Sabre 4633 Jim Oh. Adorable, right? I walked in on someone in the bathroom.
30154 6 15 Sabre 4633 Pam What?
30155 6 15 Sabre 4633 Jim I just walked in on someone in the bathroom.
30156 6 15 Sabre 4633 Pam Who? The -
30157 6 15 Sabre 4633 Jim I don't know. I don't know.
30158 6 15 Sabre 4633 Pam The guy we're meeting with?
30159 6 15 Sabre 4633 Jim I don't know, I don't know.
30160 6 15 Sabre 4634 Andy I am telling you, there are no strawberries in here.
30161 6 15 Sabre 4634 Erin Well, I saw them in there.
30162 6 15 Sabre 4634 Andy Well maybe they ran away, because the pizza was like, "Hey, get out of here, you stupid strawberries."
30163 6 15 Sabre 4635 Erin I think when Andy finally asks me out he's going to try to top what he did with the drum line. I can't wait to see what he comes up with.
30164 6 15 Sabre 4636 Andy The ball's totally in Erin's court. After the whole drum line thing.
30165 6 15 Sabre 4637 Gabe First let me say that I told them everything you wanted me to say, in just the way you wanted me to say it, so...
30166 6 15 Sabre 4637 Jo Gabe, honey, I love this. I love the sound of your voice. But I really need some new information now.
30167 6 15 Sabre 4637 Gabe Ok, um, I told the story of your uncle, and I have a feeling that you would have really been proud of the way... Okay, um...
30168 6 15 Sabre 4637 Jo Wait a minute, who is it? Who's there? Is there somebody in the room with you? I want to see who it is. Turn me around.
30169 6 15 Sabre 4637 Gabe I don't - it's just...
30170 6 15 Sabre 4637 Jo Turn me around. Now. Hey, Buddy. Is it something I said?
30171 6 15 Sabre 4637 Michael Hello. No. My name's Michael Scott. Hello.
30172 6 15 Sabre 4637 Jo Oh, hello, Mr. Scott. Pleased to meet you.
30173 6 15 Sabre 4637 Michael Nice to meet you. We are very excited about the merger with Sabre. I think you have a great accent.
30174 6 15 Sabre 4637 Jo Aw, thank you. I've been working on it since I was a little girl. To, um, to what do I owe the pleasure of this videochat?
30175 6 15 Sabre 4637 Michael Well, I am little concerned with all of these changes, to be quite frank. I think we have done things a certain way here at Dunder Mifflin for quite some time, and -
30176 6 15 Sabre 4637 Jo Pardon. Pardon me, Mr. Scott, but the last time I saw a company as mismanaged as Dunder Mifflin, it was my grandson's snowball company, so you'll excuse me if I prefer that you all adapt to the way that we do things.
30177 6 15 Sabre 4637 Michael Ok. I feel very strongly that you can't just come in here and change everything that people have been doing forever. Is Christian Slater back there? Because... he knows. He'd know what to do.
30178 6 15 Sabre 4637 Jo So listen, why don't you tell Gabe if by the end of the day you can't handle the changes.
30179 6 15 Sabre 4637 Michael I have already told him, but I will tell him again if you think that will help.
30180 6 15 Sabre 4637 Jo I would take until the end of the day if I were you.
30181 6 15 Sabre 4638 Jerry Pam and Jim? Hey, I'm Jerry.
30182 6 15 Sabre 4638 Pam Hi Jerry.
30183 6 15 Sabre 4638 Jim Jerry.
30184 6 15 Sabre 4638 Jerry Good to see you. Come on in. My office is right back here. This is the play room.
30185 6 15 Sabre 4638 Jim This is great. Got to confess, we came a little early, so we got a quick look around, but, uh -
30186 6 15 Sabre 4638 Jerry Oh, so you saw it already?
30187 6 15 Sabre 4638 Jim No, no, no, no. Yes. We saw this, yes. No, it wasn't like a look around. We really just had a peek. Quick peek. Didn't focus on anything in particular.
30188 6 15 Sabre 4638 Pam It's lovely.
30189 6 15 Sabre 4638 Jerry Oh. Got to take this. Sorry.
30190 6 15 Sabre 4638 Jim Do it.
30191 6 15 Sabre 4638 Jerry Okay. Hi, this is Jerry.
30192 6 15 Sabre 4638 Pam Ok, you've got to pull it together.
30193 6 15 Sabre 4638 Jim We should just go. He's really uncomfortable.
30194 6 15 Sabre 4638 Pam He's uncomfortable because you're acting weird. So you have to stop acting weird.
30195 6 15 Sabre 4638 Jim What if we just bring it up? We just put it out in the open?
30196 6 15 Sabre 4638 Pam That's the weirdest possible solution to the problem.
30197 6 15 Sabre 4638 Jerry Sorry about that. Right this way.
30198 6 15 Sabre 4638 Jim All right.
30199 6 15 Sabre 4639 Michael I have come here today to talk to Mr. David Wallace about this whole thing going on with Sabre. He will know exactly what to do. He is not a big fan of me dropping by announced. But then again, who is? Hey. Hi, sorry.
30200 6 15 Sabre 4639 David Michael.
30201 6 15 Sabre 4639 Michael I hope you're not busy doing something.
30202 6 15 Sabre 4639 David No, you kidding? Come on in. Come on.
30203 6 15 Sabre 4639 Michael You sure?
30204 6 15 Sabre 4639 David You look great.
30205 6 15 Sabre 4639 Michael You look great too.
30206 6 15 Sabre 4639 David You hungry? I'm just having lunch.
30207 6 15 Sabre 4639 Michael Oh, yeah, that sounds good.
30208 6 15 Sabre 4639 David Fantastic. Teddy, look who just stopped in.
30209 6 15 Sabre 4639 Teddy Wallace Huh? Hey.
30210 6 15 Sabre 4639 Michael Hey. Wow.
30211 6 15 Sabre 4639 David Keep it up, son.
30212 6 15 Sabre 4639 Michael Really loud.
30213 6 15 Sabre 4640 Michael Wow. Oh, yummy. You have got the life, my friend.
30214 6 15 Sabre 4640 David Yeah.
30215 6 15 Sabre 4640 Michael Can I just stay here and never go back?
30216 6 15 Sabre 4640 David Things not going so well there?
30217 6 15 Sabre 4640 Michael Oh, man. How much time do you have?
30218 6 15 Sabre 4640 David I have a doctor's appointment next Thursday.
30219 6 15 Sabre 4640 Michael Yeah.
30220 6 15 Sabre 4640 Mrs. Wallace Hey, honey. How's your day going? Did you do anything cool?
30221 6 15 Sabre 4640 David Uh, no, sweetie. I just sort of hung out.
30222 6 15 Sabre 4640 Mrs. Wallace Oh, 'cause I saw you had shoes on, so I didn't know if you did anything.
30223 6 15 Sabre 4640 David No. Just hanging out, honey. You remember Michael.
30224 6 15 Sabre 4640 Michael Hi. Sorry, I was just in the neighborhood, thought I'd come by, see...
30225 6 15 Sabre 4640 Mrs. Wallace No problem at all. This is great. So what are you guys up to?
30226 6 15 Sabre 4640 Michael I don't know.
30227 6 15 Sabre 4640 David Uh, but maybe, uh - actually, you know, I think maybe we'll go outside. May -maybe we'll go outside. Outside.
30228 6 15 Sabre 4641 Jim There was one thing we were curious about, uh, your flexibility on things like Easter or Memorial Day, because we might want to change our days around a little bit.
30229 6 15 Sabre 4641 Jerry That seems a bit premature, don't you think? I don't even know if I have a space for you yet, and you're already lining up your holiday plans.
30230 6 15 Sabre 4641 Jim Oh, no, sorry. Just, um, we're kind of planners. But we're also flexible too, so you know what? Maybe we can just discuss it when the time comes.
30231 6 15 Sabre 4641 Jerry Yeah, if the time comes, we can discuss it.
30232 6 15 Sabre 4641 Pam Is this because Jim walked in on you going to the bathroom?
30233 6 15 Sabre 4641 Jim What?
30234 6 15 Sabre 4641 Jerry Seriously? You told her?
30235 6 15 Sabre 4641 Jim Did it? It might have come up while we were waiting for you.
30236 6 15 Sabre 4641 Jerry And you - you thought that might have something to do with how the meeting is going?
30237 6 15 Sabre 4641 Jim No.
30238 6 15 Sabre 4641 Pam Maybe, because it doesn't seem to be going super well.
30239 6 15 Sabre 4641 Jerry Well, you didn't consider the fact that it might not be going super well just because it might not be going super well?
30240 6 15 Sabre 4641 Pam Nope. 'Cause we're really nice people but you don't seem to like us.
30241 6 15 Sabre 4641 Jerry I'm being perfectly pleasant. Did you ever consider that you might not be as charming as you think you are?
30242 6 15 Sabre 4641 Jim Oh, this coming from the guy who still uses a children's toilet? Why didn't you just lock the door, man?
30243 6 15 Sabre 4641 Jerry It doesn't lock for the children's safety.
30244 6 15 Sabre 4641 Jim Anybody could have walked in.
30245 6 15 Sabre 4641 Jerry It was story time.
30246 6 15 Sabre 4642 Michael Sabre is changing everything. Site blockers. They don't let us use cups. So I started thinking, who could handle this? Who would know what to do? David Wallace would know what to do. What should I do, David Wallace?
30247 6 15 Sabre 4642 David I don't know. I mean, what can you do?
30248 6 15 Sabre 4642 Michael Exactly. What are you thinking?
30249 6 15 Sabre 4642 David I, I - It's a tough one.
30250 6 15 Sabre 4642 Michael It is a tough one.
30251 6 15 Sabre 4642 David I don't have any ideas for you there.
30252 6 15 Sabre 4642 Michael Yeah. But one would be good.
30253 6 15 Sabre 4642 David Hey, oh, okay. Wait.
30254 6 15 Sabre 4642 Michael Okay.
30255 6 15 Sabre 4642 David I want to tell you about a business idea I have.
30256 6 15 Sabre 4642 Michael Okay.
30257 6 15 Sabre 4642 David Ok? You know how kids leave their toys everywhere? Okay. So this is a vacuum. It's like a shop-vac type of thing. Teaches kids how to pick up their own toys. Right? Baseball gloves, hacky sacks, drumsticks. Picks it up!
30258 6 15 Sabre 4642 Michael So the kid's making the noise to pick it up.
30259 6 15 Sabre 4642 David No. No, no, no. That's the -that's the vacuum noise.
30260 6 15 Sabre 4642 Michael Oh, okay.
30261 6 15 Sabre 4642 David You-you don't like it.
30262 6 15 Sabre 4642 Michael No, I think it is-
30263 6 15 Sabre 4642 David No, it's ok. Another guy from Dunder Mifflin, Arnie from Research, he's gonna draw up the prototype. And, uh... It's like shop-vac. Did I say that?
30264 6 15 Sabre 4642 Michael Yep.
30265 6 15 Sabre 4642 David It'll be ok.
30266 6 15 Sabre 4643 Andy Hey, any fun weekend plans?
30267 6 15 Sabre 4643 Erin No, you?
30268 6 15 Sabre 4643 Andy Uh, no, actually. So nothing? No movies, or parties, or anything you might want to invite someone to?
30269 6 15 Sabre 4643 Erin Nothing. It's wide open.
30270 6 15 Sabre 4643 Andy Okay.
30271 6 15 Sabre 4644 Andy That's as hard as I can hint.
30272 6 15 Sabre 4645 David Hey, you know, if you want, I'm sure I can get Arnie on board if you wanted to join us for suck it. Work together again.
30273 6 15 Sabre 4645 Michael The what?
30274 6 15 Sabre 4645 David Suck it. That's what it's called.
30275 6 15 Sabre 4645 Michael Oh, okay.
30276 6 15 Sabre 4645 David Huh? Catchy. Kids'll love it.
30277 6 15 Sabre 4645 Michael Like it.
30278 6 15 Sabre 4646 Michael There are very few things that would make me not want to team up with David Wallace. And Suck It is one of 'em.
30279 6 15 Sabre 4647 Michael See you later.
30280 6 15 Sabre 4647 David Oh, Michael.
30281 6 15 Sabre 4647 Michael Bye now.
30282 6 15 Sabre 4647 David Thank you for coming.
30283 6 15 Sabre 4647 Michael Thanks for having me.
30284 6 15 Sabre 4648 Michael Well, that's not the David Wallace that I remember. That is some sort of weird creature that lives in David Wallace's house. Oh, my god. Alright. Just get me out of here.
30285 6 15 Sabre 4649 Michael Hello. Is anybody home? Oh, thank you, Erin. Now if everyone would please ready their canteens, so I can fill them with the sweet, sweet nectar of Gabe's homeland, and then propose a toast. Here we go.
30286 6 15 Sabre 4650 Michael You know when people say getting fired was the best thing that ever happened to them? I feel sorry for those people. That's the best thing? Really? Ugh.
30287 6 15 Sabre 4651 Michael Well, I'm not really one for making speeches.
30288 6 15 Sabre 4651 Everyone Yes. Yes, you are. You make a lot.
30289 6 15 Sabre 4651 Michael But I feel pretty good right now. I really do. A lot better than I did earlier. Let me tell you.
30290 6 15 Sabre 4651 Angela That's your toast?
30291 6 15 Sabre 4651 Michael No. This is my toast. I think this whole thing with Sabre is going to work out. I have a very good feeling about it.
30292 6 15 Sabre 4651 Phyllis Michael, this isn't a toast. You're just thinking out loud.
30293 6 15 Sabre 4651 Michael Here's my toast. Orange juice is in here. And, like Saber, it is from Florida, and it is good.
30294 6 15 Sabre 4651 Kevin Just 'cause you have liquid that doesn't make it a toast.
30295 6 15 Sabre 4651 Michael Here's the toast. I'm gonna do it now. Raise your container to us and to Sabre.
30296 6 15 Sabre 4651 All To us and to Sabre.
30297 6 15 Sabre 4651 Michael Mm. Wow. That is metallicy. Ugh. That's like drinking a battery. Ah, really gets you in the fillings, doesn't it? Okay, anyway, welcome.
30298 6 15 Sabre 4652 David Well, it's a mess, what a mess. What you gonna do? You're going to take out your Suck It and you suck it. Suck it. Yeah, take out your Suck It and you suck it.
30299 6 15 Sabre 4652 Teddy Suck it!
30300 6 15 Sabre 4652 David Yeah!
30301 6 15 Sabre 4652 Teddy Suck it!
30302 6 15 Sabre 4652 David Yeah!
30303 6 15 Sabre 4652 Teddy Suck it!
30304 6 15 Sabre 4652 David Yeah! Take out the Suck It and we'll...
30305 6 15 Sabre 4652 Teddy Suck it!
30306 6 15 Sabre 4652 David Yeah!
30307 6 15 Sabre 4652 Teddy Suck it!
30308 6 15 Sabre 4652 David Yeah!
30309 6 15 Sabre 4652 Both Take out my Suck It and we'll suck it.
30310 6 15 Sabre 4652 David Yeah! Teddy!
30311 6 15 Sabre 4652 Teddy Yeah.
30312 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4653 Hotel Employee Vancouver Court Hotel, how many I help you?
30313 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4653 Michael Hello Vancouver, this is Michael Scott calling from the United States of America! I have a reservation in your fair city from February 12th to the 19th, first week of the Olympics.
30314 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4653 Hotel Employee Well, we are looking forward to having you, so, let me just pull up your information here...
30315 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4653 Michael Okey doke.
30316 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4653 Hotel Employee Um, I don't seem to have it, sir.
30317 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4653 Michael What?
30318 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4653 Dwight I'm not seeing anything under "confirmation."
30319 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4653 Michael No.
30320 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4653 Dwight Could it be under "affirmation?" Cause you have thousands of those.
30321 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4653 Michael No. We're trying to look it up right now.
30322 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4653 Michael Um, come on.
30323 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4653 Dwight Michael...
30324 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4653 Hotel Employee Uh, sir? A lot of people are trying to get last-minute reservations at hotels here for the Olympics, but we've been fully booked for months.
30325 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4653 Michael Well, I have been booked for three years, so you should have that. I've always heard that British Columbia is a very nice place, but I am not getting that from this conversation.
30326 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4653 Dwight Wait, I got it! Confirmation code: XV2RDM!
30327 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4653 Hotel Employee ...Oh, here it is. Yep.
30328 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4653 Michael Oh.
30329 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4653 Dwight Thank you.
30330 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4653 Hotel Employee Uh-huh. Seven nights in our street-view economy single?
30331 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4653 Michael That's it!
30332 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4653 Hotel Employee Yeah, we changed it since it was a while back. I do apologize.
30333 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4653 Michael, Dwight Uh-huh, okay...
30334 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4653 Hotel Employee Yeah, how may I help you Mr. Scott?
30335 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4653 Michael Alright, I would like to cancel my reservation, please.
30336 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4653 Hotel Employee There is a cancellation fee for this, sir.
30337 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4653 Michael Okay, put it on my card.
30338 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4654 Michael Today, Jo Bennett, the CEO from Sabre, is coming to see us here for the first time. She bought us sight unseen, like a mail-order bride, so she's gotta be kinda nervous. I mean, are we ugly? Are we smart? Are we cool? Are we too cool? Do we speak English?
30339 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4655 Michael Why hello!
30340 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4655 Gabe This is Michael Scott, co-regional manager of this branch.
30341 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4655 Michael Pleasure to meet you, Miss Bennett.
30342 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4655 Jo Oh, that's Mrs. Bennett, sweetheart. My husband and I are divorced, but I kept the "Mrs." just to piss off the new wife. Well, let's take a gander around this place.
30343 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4655 Andy These sure are pretty dogs...
30344 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4655 Jo They love a good crotch.
30345 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4655 Andy They sure do.
30346 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4655 Jo You should take that as a compliment!
30347 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4655 Andy Oh, I do!
30348 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4655 Jo Hello.
30349 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4655 Dwight Hello.
30350 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4655 Jo Do you always stay seated when a lady enters the room?
30351 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4655 Dwight I am treating you the same as a man, for whom I would also not stand. Unless it was the President. Or Judge Judy.
30352 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4655 Jo I like that.
30353 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4655 Gabe This is Accounting.
30354 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4655 Kevin Hi!
30355 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4655 Jo Good-looking group.
30356 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4655 Gabe Over here is Meredith Palmer and Creed Bratton.
30357 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4655 Jo Another couple of heartbreakers. Who is this tall drink of sun tea?
30358 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4655 Gabe That is Jim Halpert, he is the co-regional manager of this office.
30359 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4655 Jo I thought this guy was the manager?
30360 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4655 Gabe Oh, he is. He's the co-manager, and that's the other co-manager.
30361 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4655 Jo Two guys doing one job? We gotta do something about that!
30362 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4656 Andy Got some Valentine's cards for my coworkers and my bro-workers.
30363 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4656 Angela No, no!
30364 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4656 Kevin What, no candy?
30365 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4657 Andy Valentine's Day, right around the corner. Erin and I have been on zero dates. So I got her a Valentine's Day card, but I didn't wanna seem "too eager," so I got cards for everyone in the whole office to kind of dilute it a little bit.
30366 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4658 Andy : Look alive.
30367 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4658 Meredith Ow! Geez, you gave me a paper cut on my throat!
30368 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4659 Meredith Yeah, I have this thing about men cutting or threatening to cut my throat. Don't try to cut my throat.
30369 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4660 Michael Jo, I don't know how things work in Florida, which from your description sounds like a colorful, lawless swamp, but here it takes two men to do one job, where in Florida it might take one very strong woman to do such a job.
30370 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4660 Jim Whoa, whoa.
30371 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4660 Michael Whoa, whoa!
30372 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4660 Jim I'll take over. Um, what we're doing here: Michael handles more of the "big-picture" stuff, and I handle more of the day-to-day stuff, so together...
30373 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4660 Jo Yeah. I think I understand.
30374 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4660 Jim Alright.
30375 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4660 Jo Each of you is doing half a job.
30376 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4660 Jim No.
30377 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4660 Michael And sometimes I can hardly handle that!
30378 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4660 Jo This is knucklehead talk. I'm not gonna bite it, you know. You can't give me gravy and tell me it's jelly, because gravy ain't sweet! Is it, Jim?
30379 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4660 Jim I don't think so.
30380 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4660 Jo Michael?
30381 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4660 Michael Forget the question...
30382 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4660 Jo I think one of you should return to sales, and the other one be manager.
30383 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4660 Michael I humbly accept the management position.
30384 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4660 Jim I... Why would you just say something like that?
30385 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4660 Michael Because, well, Jim. Where I'm from, two types of folk: those who ain't, and those who are knee-high on a grasshopper. Which type ain't you ain't? Ya'll come back now.
30386 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4660 Jim Do you even know what that means?
30387 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4660 Michael Yes.
30388 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4660 Jo Well, I'm gonna let this marinate. So you can go.
30389 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4660 Jim Um...
30390 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4660 Jo You can go on. Shoo!
30391 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4661 Jo I'm Jolene Bennett, Jo for short. I'm a breast cancer survivor, close, personal friends with Nancy Pelosi, and Truman Capote and I slept with three of the same guys. When I was a little girl, I was terrified to fly, and now I have my own pilot's license. I am CEO of Sabre International, and I sell the best damn printers and all-in-one machines Korea can make. Pleased to meet you.
30392 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4662 Andy Whoa-oh, traffic jam!
30393 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4662 Erin Uh-oh, traffic jam on route three!
30394 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4662 Andy Beep-beep! Beeooop-beep!
30395 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4662 Erin Beep! Twenty people dead in a pile-up!
30396 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4662 Andy There's blood everywhere! Um, I got you a Valentine's card.
30397 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4662 Erin Oh, you did? Aw, a bird and a dog!
30398 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4662 Andy Yeah, well it's Snoopy and Woodstock.
30399 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4662 Erin You named them?
30400 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4662 Andy Uh, Charles Schultz did. I thought it was relevant cause I got you all those birds for Christmas, remember?
30401 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4662 Erin Uh, yeah I do remember. Aw, they love each other.
30402 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4662 Andy Oh, look at that. They sure do. I hadn't noticed.
30403 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4662 Erin Wow, it smells really good too.
30404 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4662 Andy Yeah! It's Roger Federer for men, I sprayed some in there.
30405 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4662 Erin Andy, whoa! Thank you very much!
30406 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4662 Andy It's got pheromones in it.
30407 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4663 Jo Hey!
30408 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4663 Kevin Hi.
30409 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4663 Jo Just choosing seats, not getting married. Chop, chop little onion!
30410 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4663 Kevin Jo, there's books in my chair.
30411 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4663 Jo That's right, darlin', now you're the proud new owner of a Sabre handbook and my autobiography. Now, you all must be in a tizzy. I can see it on your faces, I mean, what's going on now? I mean, who owns Dunder Mifflin? Right? I mean, Sabre? What's that? Some company I've never heard of? Down in Tallahassee? Where is that? Near Mars?
30412 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4663 Michael No, we know. Texas!
30413 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4663 Jo Now Dunder Mifflin has an arm's reach in all these small businesses all over the northeast. Now we're gonna take that arm, and we're gonna start selling printers.
30414 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4663 Michael I could manage my way around that.
30415 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4663 Jo They're the easiest-to-use printers on the market.
30416 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4663 Michael I will try to manage my excitement!
30417 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4664 Michael I have been saying the word "manager" a lot, so whenever Jo thinks "manager" she thinks of me. Camel cigarettes did the same thing with Joe Camel by making him look like a pen1s. I can't even go near a cigarette now without thinking of a pen1s. And vise-versa.
30418 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4665 Jo I think that's it. So we're all good! Thanks ya'll.
30419 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4665 Dwight I, uh...
30420 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4666 Kelly Oh my God.
30421 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4667 Kelly I guess Andy likes me. I never thought of him in that way. But, I guess in most romantic comedies, the guy you're supposed to be with is the one you never thought of in that way. You might have even thought he was annoying or possibly homosexual.
30422 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4668 Pam So, check this out. According to the handbook, you could make more money as a salesman than as a manager. They have all these incentive programs. I ran your numbers from last year.
30423 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4668 Jim This is way more than I make now.
30424 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4669 Jim I don't think I'm gonna miss being manager. You know how some people say they're not in it for the money? Well, with all due respect to this job, I think I'm definitely in it for the money. And quite honestly, the women.
30425 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4670 Jim Hey, you got a second?
30426 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4670 Michael Sure. You here to tell me that you think I would be a better manager and that you are sorry for being such a jerk?
30427 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4670 Jim Actually, yeah.
30428 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4670 Michael What?
30429 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4670 Jim Exactly that. I think that you absolutely deserve the manager position more than I do.
30430 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4670 Michael What? Really?
30431 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4670 Jim Yeah!
30432 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4670 Michael Wow!
30433 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4671 Michael La la la, hello Oscar!
30434 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4671 Oscar Michael. Reading.
30435 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4671 Michael What are you reading?
30436 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4671 Oscar The Atlantic.
30437 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4671 Michael Oh, that is my favorite ocean! I love it! I am so happy right now. No! I can't keep it a secret any longer. Jim is stepping down to salesman, I am going to be the sole manager once again.
30438 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4671 Oscar I should step into sales myself.
30439 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4671 Michael Why, is there an untapped gay market?
30440 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4671 Oscar Sabre has no caps on commissions. He can make a lot more money in sales.
30441 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4671 Michael ...Where did you get that information.
30442 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4671 Oscar Manual.
30443 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4671 Michael Manuel who?
30444 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4672 Michael Well, according to the manual, there is no cap on commissions. I have been hustled.
30445 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4673 Michael Son of a bitch. Pardon me.
30446 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4673 Jo Oh, speak of the devil. We were just talking about you. Have a seat!
30447 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4673 Michael Okay.
30448 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4673 Jo Now Jim here is thinking about taking himself out of the running for being manager.
30449 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4673 Michael Really? Aw, that is so sweet of you! But, I cannot accept, because I have been thinking about it, and I think I wanna go back to sales.
30450 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4673 Jo Really?
30451 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4673 Jim Really.
30452 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4673 Michael Yeah. You can take the man out of the salesman, but you can't take the sales out of salesman.
30453 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4673 Jo Well, I think you're both being a little too modest.
30454 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4673 Jim No, I really, really think Michael is better at being manager for so many reasons.
30455 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4673 Michael No, I think I would be bad. I would sleep in my office, and I would sexually harass people.
30456 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4673 Jim Why would you do that?
30457 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4673 Michael I'm turning myself in right now!
30458 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4673 Jo You know, Michael, you have more experience in sales and management, so I'm gonna defer to your judgment.
30459 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4673 Michael Thank you.
30460 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4673 Jo I think you will become the salesman, and congratulations! You're gonna be the new manager of this branch!
30461 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4673 Michael Great! That's great. Congratulations. Have fun signing my commission checks, boss.
30462 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4674 Pam Oh, Michael marked his heights. He's grown!
30463 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4674 Jim Mm!
30464 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4675 Dwight Bobcat, this is Dragon. Listen. He's been promoted to sole manager. We've got to step this up. Meet me behind the dumpster in ninety seconds. 89... 88...
30465 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4676 Dwight You're twenty minutes late!
30466 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4676 Ryan Um, I was at another dumpster!
30467 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4676 Dwight Just admit you lost track of time.
30468 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4677 Dwight Ryan and I have been meeting up to work on our diabolical plot against Jim. Ryan is always late for our meetings. I wish I had a lair.
30469 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4678 Ryan Did you see Saw?
30470 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4678 Dwight Of course I seesaw. Mose and I seesaw all the time.
30471 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4678 Ryan No, uh, the movie. Did you see the movie Saw?
30472 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4678 Dwight Oh, yeah. Great film. Almost as fun as going on a seesaw.
30473 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4678 Ryan Okay, the reason these movies are so popular, is the element of psychological torment.
30474 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4678 Dwight I like where you're going with this. Continue.
30475 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4678 Ryan Could we lure him into an old warehouse or something?
30476 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4678 Dwight I have an old barn!
30477 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4678 Ryan Yes!
30478 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4678 Dwight It's kinda smelly, but that might be a plus! And then what?
30479 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4678 Ryan We do what they did in Saw! ... I mean, we don't kill him, obviously. I have a mask...
30480 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4678 Dwight Okay, that's your idea? Exactly like in the movie!? That is the most idiotic thing I have ever heard in my life!
30481 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4678 Ryan Well suggest something else then! Don't just...
30482 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4678 Dwight He's supposed to cut his leg off? Think!
30483 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4678 Ryan Don't just criticize my idea!
30484 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4678 Dwight Think!
30485 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4678 Ryan You think of something then!
30486 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4679 Erin Michael, I'm worried that, uh, not all your toys are gonna fit on your new desk.
30487 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4679 Michael How is that possible?
30488 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4679 Erin Well, in your old office there were all those ledges and extra space.
30489 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4679 Michael No excuses Erin, come on! Make it happen.
30490 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4679 Erin You know, I actually think I should get back to work. Jim asked me to do some stuff, and he's manager.
30491 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4679 Michael Oh, yeah. Fine, fine. Leave it here. I have to make some sales anyway. Who should I call with my magic sales fingers? Michael Scott, head of sales.
30492 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4679 Jim You gotta do something, man. You can't just sit there.
30493 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4680 Dwight The new IT guy. Nick.
30494 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4680 Ryan Nick.
30495 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4680 Dwight I think he is the key. He's very trusting, he's looking for friends, he has been given an awesome amount of power, and does not know how to wield it.
30496 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4680 Ryan Like Frodo!
30497 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4680 Dwight Why don't you just let me handle the Tolkien references, okay dumb jock?
30498 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4680 Ryan Well, I think he can be corrupted. Like Gollum.
30499 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4680 Dwight Smeagol was corrupted and became Gollum.
30500 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4681 Dwight I might start a diabolical plot against him after this one.
30501 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4682 Erin Who's hungry?
30502 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4682 Jim What is that?
30503 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4682 Erin It's ants on a log. Michael would always have me bring them in at 2:30 and say "Who's hungry?"
30504 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4682 Jim Oh. I'm fine. Thank you, though.
30505 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4682 Erin Do you want me to spin you in your chair and make you dizzy?
30506 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4682 Jim Why would I wanna do that?
30507 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4682 Erin It's a thinking technique. All the top executives do it. It keeps the brain moving, and a spinning brain is a working brain.
30508 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4682 Jim For now, I'm just gonna go back to work here...
30509 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4682 Erin Oh sure.
30510 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4682 Jim Yeah. Thank you.
30511 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4682 Erin Well.
30512 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4683 Michael It will be a pleasure doing business with you. Thanks, bye. I just got a new account for the gentleman's club in Carbondale. It is called "Curves." I went by there the other day, saw some of the women walking in. Not really my cup of tea. Actually, Kevin, you might like it!
30513 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4683 Kevin Nice!
30514 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4683 Dwight You know, we really don't announce out loud our sales that much.
30515 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4683 Michael Why not? It's part of the sales experience.
30516 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4683 Dwight It's not really 1992 anymore.
30517 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4683 Michael Well, okay...
30518 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4684 Kelly You brighten my day with the sound of your voice, you bring so much laughter and love, you're everything to me, and I was so blessed when God sent you here to me.
30519 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4684 Erin Geez louise.
30520 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4684 Kelly I know, obsessed with me much?
30521 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4684 Erin Well, everyone got one.
30522 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4684 Kelly What did yours say?
30523 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4684 Erin Friends are worth sharing a doghouse with.
30524 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4685 Erin It's no wonder that Andy gave Kelly such a romantic card. I can't compete with her. That girl can sing, and dance, and gets all of her clothes at the mall. And I feel like such a fool for thinking that Andy was only going after one girl, cause Andy Bernard is a playboy. And, why shouldn't he be? He's got it all.
30525 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4686 Dwight Ho-ho. There he is, the IT guy. So you discovered the break room.
30526 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4686 Nick Uh, yep.
30527 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4686 Dwight I imagine one of the best things about being an IT guy is, you get to know everyone's computer passwords.
30528 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4686 Nick No, I actually don't.
30529 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4686 Dwight Listen, I know you have to say that, but we got a little problem here. There is an employee named Jim Halpert, and he is doing some terrible things, okay? He is molesting people via the internet. And we need to stop him.
30530 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4686 Nick I think that you should call the cops.
30531 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4686 Dwight No, the cops called us. So I'm gonna need you to give me the password to Jim Halpert's computer.
30532 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4686 Nick I don't know what to tell you, man. I'm sorry, I just can't give out his password like that.
30533 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4686 Ryan Nick. We could make things very, very difficult for you.
30534 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4686 Nick Are you... you threatening me?
30535 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4686 Ryan Threatening you? No.
30536 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4687 Michael What is that smell? Do you smell that? What is that? Like a sulfur deposit under here?
30537 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4687 Pam Michael, stop.
30538 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4687 Michael No, I'm serious, we don't have to put up... Is it the dogs?
30539 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4687 Pam Michael...
30540 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4687 Michael You know what, we don't have to deal with this. I am going to Google sulfur maps.
30541 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4687 Dwight Michael, it's Phyllis.
30542 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4687 Michael No, this is geological.
30543 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4687 Phyllis I sent an email out to everyone in this area that this might be a side effect to my new allergy medication I'm on.
30544 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4687 Michael Are you kidding me?
30545 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4687 Phyllis No.
30546 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4687 Michael And you guys are okay with this?
30547 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4687 Dwight She sent an email, so.
30548 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4687 Phyllis I did.
30549 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4687 Andy It's not cause of the smell. I'm just expecting a nosebleed.
30550 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4687 Michael Oh my God.
30551 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4688 Kelly Oh! You scared me!
30552 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4688 Andy I'm sorry, I thought you saw me.
30553 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4688 Kelly I didn't see you. And you were there all along. Well, I warmed it up for you so, should be good to go.
30554 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4688 Andy Cool, thanks.
30555 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4688 Kelly Bye, Andy.
30556 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4688 Andy ...That was weird.
30557 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4688 Meredith No it ain't. We all saw the Valentine you gave her.
30558 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4688 Andy I don't even know what that card said.
30559 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4688 Meredith Believe me, if I got that card? We'd be in the bathroom doin' it right... now.
30560 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4689 Michael Hey.
30561 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4689 Jim Hey.
30562 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4689 Michael You know, it's funny. I used to stand in here and wish I was out there. Now I'm out there, and I wish I was in here.
30563 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4689 Jim Well, the grass is always greener.
30564 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4689 Michael Yeah. Except there's no grass out there. It's just a farty dirt patch.
30565 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4689 Jim Well, it's what you wanted.
30566 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4689 Michael I really need my job back. We made a terrible mistake here.
30567 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4689 Jim For the record, I fought this. Alright? And now, I'm not really sure what we do.
30568 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4689 Michael We make a poster that says "Happy Opposite Day!" and she sees it on the way out... Nah, that's stupid. Ugh! I wish we had one of those amnesia flashlights from Men in Black.
30569 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4689 Jim Hey, what was that movie where their boss was within earshot and they could've just gone and talked to her.
30570 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4689 Michael Lethal Weapon?
30571 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4689 Jim That's it. I think we should do it the Lethal Weapon way.
30572 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4690 Jo You two are grown-ass men. What do I have to do, fire you and get two people in here who don't need so much management?
30573 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4690 Michael What? What I'm saying...
30574 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4690 Jim Michael's saying he's better at being manager, and I agree, cause he's a better people person, weirdly.
30575 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4690 Michael And weirdly I'm a good dog person, right guys? See? They love me.
30576 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4690 Jo Fine. I don't care which one of you does which job, just stop meeting with me to talk about it.
30577 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4690 Jim Alright.
30578 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4690 Michael Alright!
30579 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4690 Jo Oh, I gotta take this. Yep. Uh, finish walking my dogs for me. And don't ride 'em. Lotta people try to ride 'em.
30580 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4691 Andy Excuse me? Everyone? Please check your emails, I just sent you the following message: "Coworkers, you may have received a Valentine from me. Please understand this does not mean that I like you in any way."
30581 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4691 Phyllis You don't even like us as friends?
30582 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4691 Andy Phyllis, you guys are like my closest friends. I just mean I don't like-like you.
30583 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4691 Oscar What are we, five?
30584 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4691 Andy "Please don't read into this card. Yours in professionalism, Nard dog."
30585 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4691 Kelly Um, why did I just receive a mass email from you that said that you don't like me? Do you realize how hard that makes me like you, Andy?
30586 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4691 Andy It's n-- that wasn't... I like someone else.
30587 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4691 Kelly Who?
30588 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4691 Andy It's not... Whether or not, you...
30589 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4691 Kelly Who, what?
30590 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4692 Erin Yeah, I guess Andy never liked Kelly. How about that?
30591 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4693 Michael Oh, it smells good in here.
30592 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4693 Erin Sure does! Okay, we have your space heater, your humidifier, your dehumidifier, your fan, your foot fan, and your food dehydrator.
30593 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4693 Michael Erin, what about my keyboard? Aw, so good to be home. How about a little Bosa Nova?
30594 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4693 Erin Oh!
30595 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4694 Pam He looks happy.
30596 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4694 Jim Yep.
30597 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4694 Dwight Well, well, well. Hm. Boss for, what was it? Oh, four and a half hours? New record. Low. Previous record? Henry Rosston. Boss for nine years, four months. And he only left because he had family matters to attend to and he what? Michael!
30598 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4695 Dwight I can't help but think that something we did made this possible.
30599 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4695 Ryan Jim dug his own grave, but maybe we provided the shovel.
30600 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4695 Dwight Oh temp, I like that. I'm going to engrave that into a piece of wood. Care to celebrate with a drink?
30601 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4695 Ryan I would love to. Why not?
30602 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4695 Dwight Because! Martini bars are pretentious. No thank you.
30603 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4695 Ryan Well, I'm sorry that I don't want farm boy swill like you do, you know.
30604 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4695 Dwight It is not "farm boy swill," I will show you. It is beet Vodka and it is delicious.
30605 6 16 The Manager and the Salesman 4695 Ryan I am not interested in anything I have to make myself!
30606 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4696 Pam I just wanted to check and see if there's anything you needed before I went on my maternity leave... Yeah, I'm pregnant... Great, well, I'll write up the order. Okay, thanks.
30607 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4696 Dwight Wait a minute! You can't do that. You cannot exploit your baby for sales.
30608 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4696 Jim Hey, did I tell you we were going to have a baby? Oh, thank you very much. I'm excited. Oh, definitely.
30609 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4696 Dwight No, no! You need to come by your sales honorably!
30610 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4696 Pam There is nothing dishonorable about talking about your life. People like it.
30611 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4696 Dwight Hey there. Dwight Schrute here. Listen, uh, would you be interested in restocking on paper? ... Yeah, I could sure use the money. My cousin, uh, came down with a case of that nasty new goat fungus. Oh, it's just horrific. The doctor says he'd never seen it beard so quickly. Okay.
30612 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4697 Dwight I need a baby. I'll never outsell Jim and Pam without one. Also, I've been noticing a gaping hole in my life. Sometimes I wake up cradling a gourd.
30613 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4698 Pam Kevin, you're such a gourmand.
30614 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4698 Kevin I cooked my way through Julia Childs' cookbook, and now, I'm halfway through the Twilight cookbook. Last night, I had Edward's corn flake chicken.
30615 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4698 Pam Hmm.
30616 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4699 Kevin Pregnant Pam and I, we get hungry at the same times, so we've been eating together a lot. Not all meals. Just second breakfast, lunch, second lunch, and first dinner.
30617 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4700 Kevin I thought that maybe we should do something special for early dinner. One last ultra feast.
30618 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4700 Pam Mmmm, that sounds great. What are you thinking?
30619 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4700 Kevin I think it should be a surprise.
30620 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4700 Meredith Oh, getting there, huh?
30621 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4700 Pam No, no. I still have time.
30622 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4701 Pam I'm having contractions, but they're irregular and far apart. So I'm not really in labor, I'm near labor.
30623 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4701 Jim Yeah, we're slow-playing it because of our stupid HMO.
30624 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4701 Pam If we check in after midnight, I get an extra day to recuperate surrounded by doctors.
30625 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4701 Jim Not to mention the extra night's sleep in the hospital will be very nice because once we bring the baby home, if it's crying all night, one of us is going to have to take care of it. And I do not plan on helping unless it's a boy.
30626 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4701 Pam I cannot wait for that joke to be over.
30627 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4702 Pam Ooh.
30628 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4702 Michael Oh, oh, oh! Contraption! She's contrapting! Okay, you know what? I think I should drive you guys to the hospital, and here is why. I am a licensed, classy driver in the state of Pennsylvania. I gassed up the car...
30629 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4702 Jim Michael.
30630 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4702 Michael Actually, I put diesel in this time, trying to save some money.
30631 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4702 Jim Michael, you shouldn't have done that.
30632 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4702 Michael Happy to do it. Also, I did a heck of a job baby-proofing this office.
30633 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4702 Pam You know the baby's not going to live here, right?
30634 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4702 Michael Well, the baby was conceived here, so might as well live here a little bit, too.
30635 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4702 Jim Hmm, that logic's air-tight, but unfortunately it wasn't conceived here. Burning man, port-o-potty.
30636 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4702 Michael Oh, yuck! TMI! How was it? I don't want to know. Tell me later. Let's go! Let's go! Hospital!
30637 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4702 Pam Okay, okay, we're not going to the hospital. We are waiting until midnight.
30638 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4702 Erin Ooh, spooky. But why?
30639 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4702 Jim Because the insurance company only covers two nights.
30640 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4702 Pam Everything's fine. We have plenty of time.
30641 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4702 Nick Well, you don't want to wait too long, Pam. Otherwise the baby's going to become a teenager in there and you'll be up all night, from the rock music.
30642 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4702 Michael Shut up, Nick. What a weird thing to say. Weird I.T. nerd. Don't get revenge on me, nerd.
30643 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4702 Angela What are you looking at?
30644 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4702 Dwight Ha, nerd.
30645 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4703 Kelly Did you know that labor can last weeks? Then they take your insides out and they just plop them on a table, and sometimes epidurals don't work, and you can poop yourself.
30646 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4704 Dwight Bare my child.
30647 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4704 Angela Excuse me?
30648 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4704 Dwight I want to have a child for business reasons and I want you to be the mother. If you agree, say nothing. If you disagree, say anything... Very well. Let's meet at 4:00 PM at our old meeting spot and bang it out.
30649 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4705 Jim That's seven minutes. Here we go. This is happening. Come on.
30650 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4705 Pam Hold on, hold on. It isn't midnight yet.
30651 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4705 Jim Are you serious? Pam.
30652 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4705 Pam No, the doctor said every five to seven minutes.
30653 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4705 Jim I... Pam, please.
30654 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4705 Pam I'm going to be okay, we should really try to make it until midnight.
30655 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4705 Andy Yeah, no, you really should. Because if your baby's born tomorrow, he's going to have the same birthday as Butt-mud Brooks. My old roommate.
30656 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4705 Pam Did you hear that? Butt-mud Brooks.
30657 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4705 Jim Okay, but we are leaving at five minutes apart.
30658 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4705 Pam Five minutes apart.
30659 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4706 Jim So, the plan was seven minutes. But we're calling an audible, because that's her call. Because she's the quarterback. I'm just the left tackle who happened to get her pregnant.
30660 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4707 Pam Okay, stop watching me.
30661 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4707 Jim Okay, crazy. I think I have some better things to do with my day than worry about you, like sell printers.
30662 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4707 Pam Mm-hmm.
30663 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4707 Jim Well not until Friday 20% off toner cartridges, that's a big deal. While we're on the subject, why don't I just run you down to the hospital and we'll just do a quick check?
30664 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4707 Pam Not until midnight.
30665 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4707 Andy Guys. Word of advice. Speaking as a former baby. Don't get too hung up on baby names. I was named Walter Jr. after my father until I was about six or so, when my parents changed their minds.
30666 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4707 Erin I thought you said your younger brother was named Walter Jr.
30667 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4707 Andy My brother was born, and my parents felt he better exemplified the Walter Jr. name, so they gave it to him. I was given Andrew, which they got out of a baby name book.
30668 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4707 Jim You know, it's getting real crowded in here. Maybe you guys should all go back to work because the day's not out yet.
30669 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4707 Michael No, no, no, no, no. You know what? You can't tell us what to do because you are not co-manager anymore.
30670 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4707 Jim Okay, I feel like this noise is going to prevent Pam from being able to listen to her body's signals.
30671 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4707 Pam Actually, the distractions are good. I mean, I don't think I'm going to make it until midnight if I'm just sitting here thinking about it.
30672 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4707 Michael Distractions are good! That means conference room, five minutes! No, no, five seconds! Right now, right now! Conference room! Topic, potpourri! Let's go!
30673 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4708 Michael Um, I am sort of a master of distraction. When I was a kid, my mom received compliments left and right from my teachers on how I was always able to distract others in class. Try to think, what were the first thirteen colonies? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
30674 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4709 Michael The purpose for this meeting is to take Pam's mind off of what's going on inside of her body.
30675 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4709 Andy Can we do sleight of hand tricks?
30676 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4709 Michael I will allow that.
30677 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4709 Andy Yes! Can anyone do those?
30678 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4709 Stanley I'm going to go look at the Internet.
30679 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4709 Jim Oh! Oh, alright. That's a good one.
30680 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4709 Pam Oh, okay, uh, sorry, guys. Just, um, keep talking.
30681 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4709 Michael Okay.
30682 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4709 Kelly Oh my God, Pam, you are a woman warrior.
30683 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4709 Pam Oh, thanks, Kelly.
30684 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4709 Michael Does anybody have anything? Anything interesting, any hobbies, uh, special skills?
30685 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4709 Pam Yes, this is the only time I'm ever going to make this request.
30686 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4709 Michael Yes, Phyl?
30687 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4709 Phyllis I can put on lipstick the way Molly Ringwald does in The Breakfast Club.
30688 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4709 Michael Nope, nope, I don't think anybody wants to see that.
30689 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4709 Andy I can do the evolution of dance-dance.
30690 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4709 Michael That sounds good! Do you need some music, or...? Okay.
30691 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4709 Andy Nope, actually music would just throw me off. I need complete silence. Okay... You're clapping. I need complete silence. Totally threw me off, so I'm going to have to start over. Evolution of dance-dance.
30692 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4709 Ryan "You let me in your bed. But now, I sleep alone. Trapped with the forgotten in my detritus home."
30693 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4709 Erin Affirmed. Seattle Slew. Secretariat. Citation. Assault. Count Fleet. Rollaway. War Admiral. Omaha. Gallant Fox... And... I know this. Uh... The jockey was Johnny Loftus. Sired by Star Shoot.
30694 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4710 Angela Good afternoon.
30695 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4710 Dwight Have a seat.
30696 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4710 Angela What is this?
30697 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4710 Dwight Before we conceive a child, uh, it is important that we bang out a parenting contract.
30698 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4710 Angela Of course.
30699 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4710 Dwight It's been a long time since we've come down here separately.
30700 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4710 Angela You know I was thinking...
30701 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4710 Dwight Now, then. Let's get to it, shall we? Item one: Child will be breast fed by the mother for exactly six months, then weaned onto a nutrient-rich winter vegetable mash provided by the father, Dwight Schrute, hereafter referred to as Morpheus. Agreed?
30702 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4710 Angela Agreed.
30703 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4711 Michael Where are we? We have every six minutes, ladies and gentlemen. Another seventy five contractions and you are going to be there.
30704 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4711 Kevin For the love of God, Pam, do it for ultra feast!
30705 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4711 Jim Okay, you know what? I'm going to go give, uh, doctor Asmani a quick call. He'd probably know...
30706 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4711 Pam Jim, please. Happy thoughts here. Happy times.
30707 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4711 Michael Yeah, happy times. Come on. Let's have happy times.
30708 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4711 Jim Alright.
30709 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4711 Michael Jim, as a matter of fact, I have printed out ten ways to induce labor. And I'm thinking we just do the opposite of those things and we can slow down your labor. Erin, read the first one.
30710 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4711 Erin Um, stimulate the nipples.
30711 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4711 Michael Okay, nobody touch Pam's nipples. Think of Pam's nipples as Toby's grundle.
30712 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4711 Kevin Her shirt is touching them. Maybe we should cut holes in her shirt.
30713 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4711 Meredith I have a shirt like that in my car.
30714 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4711 Michael Okay, yeah, why don't you go get it?
30715 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4711 Erin Okay, uh, the second one is walk around. We're already doing the opposite of that. Perfect. Okay, number three, eat spicy foods.
30716 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4711 Michael Okay, the opposite of that?
30717 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4711 Kevin Stick spicy food up her butt.
30718 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4711 Jim Nope, nope, nope, nope. Come on, let's go to the hospital. Pam, let's go to the hospital right now.
30719 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4711 Pam Jim, Jim, honey, I love you, but you're really distracting me from my distractions.
30720 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4711 Jim Mm-hmm. Okay, great. Well, sorry.
30721 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4711 Pam Why don't you go do some work?
30722 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4711 Jim Great. I will do that. Sorry, Pam, I just feel a little bit frazzled. And you know how very rarely I use that word. Frazzled.
30723 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4711 Pam I know, you don't like to be frazzled.
30724 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4711 Jim No, I don't.
30725 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4711 Pam Okay.
30726 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4711 Jim Oh, and by the way, hate that you're helping her with this right now. Totally.
30727 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4711 Michael Ooh, someone's freakin'.
30728 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4711 Andy A little frazzled.
30729 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4711 Michael I think he is.
30730 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4712 Jim I know Pam better than anyone in this office, and obviously she's gone crazy, but everybody wants to say that I'm crazy. But I'm not crazy, she's crazy. I'm not crazy, she's crazy. Five to seven minutes. Five to seven minutes. Six minutes. Different, but not really. Five to seven minutes.
30731 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4713 Dwight Acceptable names include and are limited to: Ebenezer.
30732 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4713 Angela Jedediah.
30733 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4713 Dwight Jonas.
30734 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4713 Angela Jedediah.
30735 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4713 Dwight Warf.
30736 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4713 Angela No Star Trek names.
30737 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4713 Dwight Okay. Fine.
30738 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4713 Angela What if it's a girl?
30739 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4713 Dwight Irrelevant question. Section 5A, child shall be male.
30740 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4713 Angela Hey. Uh-uh. I cannot control that. You can't put that in here.
30741 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4713 Dwight Yes you can.
30742 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4713 Angela No.
30743 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4713 Dwight It's as simple as keeping the womb extremely warm for two days after s*x, and then extremely cold for five months.
30744 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4713 Angela Absolutely not.
30745 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4714 Jim Hey.
30746 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4714 Pam Hey. I'm not going to get in the car, because I know if I do you'll try to drive me to the hospital.
30747 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4714 Jim Ah, you know me too well.
30748 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4714 Pam Okay, Jim.
30749 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4714 Jim Yeah? ... Oh.
30750 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4714 Pam Everything is fine. You don't have to worry. Try not to think about it. She's not coming out for a while, okay?
30751 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4714 Jim Did you say "she?"
30752 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4714 Pam I called the doctor like a week ago. I couldn't wait... Oh, God, don't be mad.
30753 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4714 Jim Mad? How could I be mad? We're having a little girl.
30754 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4714 Pam Mm-hmm.
30755 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4714 Jim Wow, we're having a little girl. Oh, man.
30756 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4714 Pam I know.
30757 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4714 Jim Woo, alright. Well, I definitely feel better.
30758 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4714 Pam Good.
30759 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4714 Jim Yeah.
30760 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4714 Pam Okay.
30761 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4714 Jim Alright... Hey, did you change?
30762 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4714 Pam Oh, yeah, my water broke.
30763 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4714 Jim Oh. Oh...
30764 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4715 Pam Oh, whoa. Ha. Wow.
30765 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4715 Michael Pam, Pam! Okay, alright, okay, it's time. Time to go to the hospital. Somebody get Jim, please! Is it midnight yet?
30766 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4715 Phyllis No, it's 4:35.
30767 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4715 Michael 4:35. Alright, almost made it. Almost made it. Too bad you didn't have s*x like seven and a half hours later. But you had to have the afternoon delight. I understand. Sometimes you have to go for it. Let's go to the hospital, shall we?
30768 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4715 Pam No, not yet, Michael.
30769 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4715 Michael We can do...
30770 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4715 Pam Oh, wow, it's almost time for ultra feast! Where's Kevin?
30771 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4715 Michael Oh. What? You want to eat cat food with Kevin and not go to the hospital?
30772 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4715 Oscar That's fancy feast. Ultra feast is something they made up so they can pig out together in the name of ceremony.
30773 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4715 Michael What is October feast?
30774 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4716 Pam There is no rush to get to the hospital. I am fine. I'll get there. And if I don't get there, I don't get there.
30775 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Kevin Our ultra feast menu's theme: Hollywood. We have Ratatouille, from Ratatouille, and tandoori chicken, from Born Into Brothels. I tried to bake a cake like that District 9 prawn thing, but I... Are you okay?
30776 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Pam Mm-hmm. Yes, I'm fine. Um, yeah, the doctor said it's still considered a minor contraction as long as I can talk through it.
30777 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Michael Okay, okay, Jim. I think this feast is over and it's time to go to the hospital.
30778 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Jim Alright. Time to go. Okay.
30779 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Michael That's right, let's do this.
30780 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Jim Let's give it a shot.
30781 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Pam Nope. No, no, that's better. That wasn't even the worst of them. I'm fine.
30782 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Jim Hey, come on. Let's go to the hospital.
30783 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Pam They're not that bad still, babe.
30784 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Jim Pam, Pam, it's time. Let's go to the hospital.
30785 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Pam No, it's passing, it's fine. It's okay.
30786 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Jim Come on, Michael says we should go now.
30787 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Michael Let's go, Pam. Yeah, I think we should head out.
30788 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Pam No, it's passing, it's fine.
30789 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Jim Pam.
30790 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Pam Ah, no, it passed. It's good.
30791 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Jim You know what? Let's go. We got to go to the hospital.
30792 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Pam Okay, I'm not going. I'm not... It's fine. Okay, come on, come on. No! I am not going! I am not going, okay!? I'm not going today because I can't do it, I don't think I can do it.
30793 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Jim Hey, are you kidding me?
30794 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Michael Are you kidding?
30795 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Jim If anyone can do this, you can do this.
30796 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Michael You can do this. You can do this.
30797 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Jim Pam, I'm scared. I'm real scared.
30798 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Michael I'm scared, too.
30799 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Kevin I'm petrified.
30800 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Jim The best news is, we're going to have a baby today.
30801 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Michael Yeah.
30802 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Jim A really awesome baby.
30803 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Michael We're going to have a baby.
30804 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Jim So let's have it at the hospital.
30805 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Michael Let's do that.
30806 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Jim How are we doing on contractions?
30807 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Michael Two minutes apart.
30808 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Jim Two minutes...
30809 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Pam Oh, God. Oh, no.
30810 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Jim Michael, I told you.
30811 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Michael It's okay.
30812 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Jim No, I told you to warn me at five minutes.
30813 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Pam Jim, we waited too long!
30814 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Michael I know, I know, I know. It went by too soon.
30815 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Jim We waited too long! Two minutes doesn't do us any good. Well, what happened to four and three minutes?
30816 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Michael We're okay, Jim! Okay, Pamela. You know what time it is?
30817 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Pam I don't want to have my baby here.
30818 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Michael You're not going to. You know where you're going?
30819 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Pam The hospital.
30820 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Michael Yes, you are. And you know what you're going to have?
30821 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Pam A baby.
30822 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4717 Michael Yes! We're going to the hospital and we're going to have a baby.
30823 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4718 Michael I got it! I got it! Everybody it's go time! At your stations. Stanley, man the phones. Meredith, please, get bottled water. Erin, call an ambulance, please!
30824 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4718 Dwight No, no, no. Ambulances are emergencies only. You call an ambulance, I call the cops.
30825 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4718 Jim Alright, we're driving ourselves, actually.
30826 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4718 Michael No, Jim, you are in no condition to drive. I will drive you. Check! Got it.
30827 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4718 Jim Alright, I have my wallet.
30828 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4718 Michael Yes.
30829 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4718 Jim Go bag's in the car... Keys, my keys, where's my keys?
30830 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4718 Michael Go bag! Where's my go bag? Where's my go bag?
30831 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4718 Erin There's nothing in it.
30832 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4718 Michael You are telling me now that there is nothing in it. Okay, great! Oh, hey, hey, um, should I bring a dictionary to the hospital?
30833 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4718 Oscar The hospital provides dictionaries, bring a thesaurus!
30834 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4718 Dwight Has anyone checked how dilated she is? This is ridiculous!
30835 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4718 Pam Dwight, get away!
30836 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4718 Michael No, no, no. Dwight, let Jim do that, please.
30837 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4718 Erin I didn't know we had a tape measure.
30838 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4718 Dwight "We" don't.
30839 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4718 Jim Okay, I can't find my keys! I cannot find my keys! Found 'em. They're here.
30840 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4718 Dwight, Jim, Michael Here we go!
30841 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4718 Phyllis Good luck!
30842 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4718 Nick Good luck, Pam!
30843 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4718 Michael Thank you! Wish me luck!
30844 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4718 Creed Have fun!
30845 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4718 Meredith Hey, it's 5:00!
30846 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4719 Michael Here we go! Here we go! On our way!
30847 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4719 Stanley Hold it!
30848 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4719 Michael Come on, Stanley! Okay. We're going now!
30849 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4719 Toby Oh, one more!
30850 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4719 Michael No, no, no, no! Out, out! Idiot.
30851 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4720 Michael Dwight, what is the traffic like?
30852 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4720 Dwight Doesn't matter. I'll escort you!
30853 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4720 Michael Alright.
30854 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4720 Dwight Let's go!
30855 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4720 Michael Geesh, Dwight!
30856 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4720 Dwight Michael!
30857 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4720 Michael What!?
30858 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4720 Dwight This is where I saw that deer last week.
30859 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4720 Michael Where?
30860 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4720 Dwight Right over by that fence.
30861 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4720 Michael By the bushes?
30862 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4720 Jim Okay, Michael! Focus!
30863 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4720 Michael Okay, go, go, go, go!
30864 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4720 Dwight Let's go!
30865 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4721 Dwight I love escorting people. In fact, a few years back, I put an ad in the paper starting an escort service. I got a lot of responses. Mostly creeps. Made a few friends.
30866 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4722 Jim Alright, here we go! You're doing great! She'll be here soon.
30867 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4722 Michael Okay, just breathe... She? You found out? Come on, guys. I wanted to be surprised.
30868 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4722 Pam Michael!
30869 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4722 Michael Yeah?
30870 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4722 Pam Stop texting, put your phone away! Come on.
30871 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4722 Jim Michael, come on!
30872 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4722 Michael I'm texting about you, okay!?
30873 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4723 Dwight Ugh, alright. Let's move! ... What?
30874 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4723 Policeman Pull over!
30875 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4723 Dwight Are you kidding me?
30876 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4723 Policeman Pull over! You're not allowed to impersonate a police officer! Don't make this difficult, Dwight!
30877 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4724 Pam Wait, wait. My iPod's not in here!
30878 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4724 Jim Okay.
30879 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4724 Pam It has the birth song on it!
30880 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4724 Jim Okay. I know, I know. But my iPod is in the go bag. We'll be fine.
30881 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4724 Pam Jim, I don't want the first thing the baby hears to be the 8 Mile soundtrack.
30882 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4724 Jim Okay, so what do you want to do?
30883 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4724 Pam I don't know! Let's go by the house and get it. It's only twenty minutes past the hospital!
30884 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4724 Jim Pam, no! Are you nuts? We're going to the hospital now.
30885 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4724 Michael Guys, guys! Stop fighting, come on. Come on. Do you want your kid to come out a lawyer? Right? Okay, you know what? I am all over this. Here we go. Ready?
30886 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4724 Dwight Dwight Schrute.
30887 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4724 Michael Hello, Dwight. Pam left her iPod at her house. I want you to swing by, pick it up, and bring it to the hospital. We need it yesterday.
30888 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4724 Dwight Why didn't you ask me to do it yesterday? I kept IM'ing you how bored I was.
30889 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4724 Michael Okay.
30890 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4724 Pam Dwight! Go to my house. Get my iPod. I think it's on the kitchen table. Do not touch anything else. The key is under...
30891 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4724 Dwight I don't need a key.
30892 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4724 Pam Okay, Dwight, but if you do need a key, just listen it's under the...
30893 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4724 Dwight No, no, don't, don't tell me. Alalalalalalalalalala lalalalalala alalalalalalalala.
30894 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4724 Pam Dwight just listen! It's underneath...
30895 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4725 Michael Okay.
30896 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4725 Jim Wait, you alright?
30897 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4725 Pam Yes.
30898 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4725 Michael Do you have everything, guys?
30899 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4725 Jim Michael, just go park the car.
30900 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4725 Michael Okay, alright.
30901 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4725 Hospital employee Sir! You can't park here!
30902 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4725 Michael Dunder-Mifflin. It's okay. I just did.
30903 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4726 Jim Pam's doing great. Uh, she's ten inches dilated now. Uh, sorry, meters. Centimeters. And she's also fully faced. Which I don't know what that is, uh, but no baby yet. It's only been six, uh, nineteen hours, and uh, I just went out for some ice chips because I might have passed out a little bit, but these are very refreshing, very good.
30904 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4726 Nurse Daddy? She's ready to push.
30905 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4726 Jim Okay.
30906 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4726 Michael Where is my little nibblet? Halpert, room D1. Alright, family only beyond this point, thank you. Here we go.
30907 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4726 Jim Doing great, push again.
30908 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4726 Doctor Not yet.
30909 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4726 Jim No, don't push. Pull. Pull.
30910 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4726 Nurse Why don't you get more ice chips?
30911 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4726 Pam No, Jim, stay!
30912 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4726 Doctor Okay. Really push this time, Pam.
30913 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4726 Pam Okay.
30914 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4726 Michael Okay, not yet, not yet. I'm going to go wash my eyes.
30915 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4727 Michael That kid's going to have a lot of hair.
30916 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4728 Andy Hey, have you guys seen her?
30917 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4728 Meredith She hasn't popped yet.
30918 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4728 Andy What? God damn it. She was supposed to come out yesterday.
30919 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4729 Andy I decided to give baby Halpert a newspaper from the day she was born. This frame set me back fifty five bones. But she decided to take her sweet time, so now I have to switch it with today's paper.
30920 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4730 Phyllis This is ridiculous. We just can't wait here.
30921 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4730 Michael I think it's going to be any minute now.
30922 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4730 Phyllis But you don't know that. I mean, we could be here another half an hour.
30923 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4730 Michael Phyllis, what could you possibly have to do?
30924 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4730 Phyllis I have an ice cream cake in the car.
30925 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4730 Michael Oh, my God. Go, go, go! Are you insane? Alright.
30926 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4731 Michael Guys? Hello? Um, sorry to be a bother, but if we could have an ETA when this is gonna...
30927 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4731 Pam This is happening!
30928 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4731 Michael You're starting, you're kinda losing them.
30929 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4731 Jim Oh, my God! Look at her! baby, she's so beautiful! Oh, my God.
30930 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4731 Pam Oh, my God.
30931 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4732 Michael Yeah, that's right. It's a baby, see?
30932 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4732 Doctor Sir! Sir, you can't smoke that in here. Put it, put it out.
30933 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4732 Michael Okay. You can't smoke anywhere these days.
30934 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4733 Pam She's incredible. Want to count her fingers and toes again?
30935 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4733 Jim No, let's let her rest. I'm sure there's still twelve on each.
30936 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4733 Pam Okay.
30937 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4734 Michael Guys, guys!
30938 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4734 Jim Her name is Cecelia Marie Halpert.
30939 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4734 Michael Eleven pounds...
30940 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4734 Jim She's seven pounds, two ounces, eighteen inches. Mother and daughter are doing great.
30941 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4734 Everyone Yeah!
30942 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4734 Michael Thank you! Thank you!
30943 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4734 Oscar Congratulations. That's great.
30944 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4735 Helene Hi there.
30945 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4735 Jim Hey, grandma's back.
30946 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4735 Helene Well, it was an adventure and a half trying to find the cafeteria, but I have returned with the coffee.
30947 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4735 Jim Great.
30948 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4735 Pam Oh, thank God. I haven't had caffeine in nine months.
30949 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4735 Helene Ooh, somebody has a full diaper.
30950 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4735 Jim Oh. Let me get it.
30951 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4736 Jim I am a diapering master. I have done little else in the past two months. There is nothing I cannot diaper. Go ahead. Try to think of something. I dare you.
30952 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4737 Michael Where's the baby? I want to see the baby. Oh! Oh, Helene, hi. Oh, my goodness, what are the odds of this? Congratulations on being a grandma.
30953 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4737 Helene Hello, Michael.
30954 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4737 Michael Hello. Oh, good for you. I worry about you.
30955 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4737 Helene I'm, uh... You know I think, uh, I think it's time for me to go.
30956 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4737 Pam Okay.
30957 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4737 Helene Love you.
30958 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4737 Michael Love you, as a friend.
30959 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4737 Pam Love you, mom.
30960 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4737 Michael Ooh, I want to hold the baby!
30961 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4737 Pam Okay, you just have to use the hand sanitizer first.
30962 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4737 Michael Alright.
30963 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4737 Pam Again, no pants.
30964 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4737 Michael Oh, okay.
30965 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4737 Jim Ready?
30966 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4737 Michael Mm-hmm. Oh. Ooh, wow. Michael. Michael.
30967 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4737 Jim It's so weird, she was saying it just before you got here.
30968 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4738 Dwight Yesterday, I was dispatched to Jim and Pam's house to find Pam's iPod. I searched everywhere, but I didn't find it. What I did find, was mold, and lots of it. So, I did what anyone would do. Read a book, had a bath, I got a good night's sleep, and I made plans to eradicate it. I also made plans to ask Jim where he bought his marvelous sheets... Time to get to work .
30969 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4739 Michael There she sat. Her name was Pam. She was a receptionist. She was engaged to an animal. There sat Jim. He was a gawky, tall salesman. The odds of them getting together were insur-mountain-able. I made a family! I got these two together, and I made a family.
30970 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4739 Andy This man has a gift!
30971 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4739 Michael Who else here is single?
30972 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4739 Kelly I'm not single. I have a man.
30973 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4739 Michael I am offering up my services to you all. You saw what I did with Pam and Jim. I can help you, too.
30974 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4739 Stanley Why do you find someone for yourself instead of meddling in our affairs?
30975 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4739 Michael Okay, show of hands. Who wants to live in a world where Stanley has two lovers and you don't have any? Who else? Come on! People, I know models!
30976 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4739 Ryan Ha ha, plus size models, maybe.
30977 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4739 Michael Ha ha, you got that right! Meredith? Come on, you're obviously single.
30978 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4739 Meredith You know it. I am never getting married.
30979 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4740 Meredith Like Clooney.
30980 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4741 Michael Andrew, what about you?
30981 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4741 Andy Torn scrotum. Still on the mend, so not good timing.
30982 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4742 Andy Yes, I'm going to ask out Erin. I'm just waiting for the stars to align. Literally. I have a small skylight in my bedroom, and I'd like for the moon to be visible.
30983 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4743 Michael Well, when you least expect it, expect it. I am going to fill the empty voids in your life with love. I am going to fill that empty hole in your body with another person. And, like Cupid, I am going to shoot you with love.
30984 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4744 Pam Remember yesterday when we were terrified of being parents?
30985 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4744 Jim We were just kids. What did we know?
30986 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4744 Nurse How we doing?
30987 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4744 Jim Great.
30988 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4744 Pam Good.
30989 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4744 Nurse Would you like me to take her to the nursery for the night?
30990 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4744 Pam Doesn't she sleep here?
30991 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4744 Nurse She can. But a lot of parents choose to have the baby spend the first night in the nursery to get some rest. You've been through a lot.
30992 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4744 Jim I think we'll be okay.
30993 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4744 Nurse Okay, great.
30994 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4744 Pam Oh, big yawn.
30995 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4745 Jim Ready? One, two, three...
30996 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4745 Pam One, and then wrap around. It's okay. Hold that arm down.
30997 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4745 Jim I can't. She's too strong. She's, careful, though. You don't want to break it.
30998 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4745 Pam She's not gonna... Just...
30999 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4745 Jim I got it. Alright.
31000 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4745 Pam Go.
31001 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4745 Jim Nurse!
31002 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4746 Jim How you doing?
31003 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4746 Pam I don't know. I just, I can't tell if she's getting anything.
31004 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4746 Jim Really?
31005 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4746 Pam Doesn't feel right.
31006 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4746 Jim Well, you're pushing the milk out, right?
31007 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4746 Pam How does one do that?
31008 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4746 Jim Wasn't it... It's kinda like a... Like that.
31009 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4746 Pam Do you want to try it, Jim?
31010 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4746 Jim I think you're good. Doing a good job.
31011 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4746 Nurse Somebody buzzed?
31012 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4746 Jim Oh! Really? Must have sat on it, Pam.
31013 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4746 Pam I can't tell if she's getting anything. It just doesn't really feel right.
31014 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4746 Nurse Well, maybe we should take a break for a little while. I can take her to the nursery and then bring her back and try again a little bit later.
31015 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4746 Pam Even if she's not getting anything?
31016 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4746 Nurse Yeah, she'll be fine. I can always give her a bottle since we're in the nursery.
31017 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4746 Pam No. I read in the book about nipple confusion.
31018 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4746 Nurse Oh, good. You know everything.
31019 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4746 Pam She's just, she's really tentative about latching, and I just, I want to keep her self-esteem up.
31020 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4746 Nurse Well, I'll bring her back in a little while and we can try again, okay?
31021 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4746 Jim Alright.
31022 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4746 Nurse Alright.
31023 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4746 Jim It's going to be alright.
31024 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4746 Pam Maybe it'll be good because then she can like socialize with the other babies.
31025 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4746 Jim Ha ha. No, yeah, that will be good.
31026 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4747 Erin You wanted to see me?
31027 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4747 Michael What would you say, if I told you that I was about to change your life?
31028 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4747 Erin Oh, boy! ... What's that sound?
31029 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4747 Kevin Ta-da!
31030 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4747 Michael I would like you to meet your new boyfriend.
31031 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4747 Kevin Yes!
31032 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4747 Erin I don't know what to say.
31033 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4747 Kevin Oh, say nothing. You will learn to love me.
31034 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4747 Michael Okay, hold on. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You got to let the cookies cool before you pop 'em in your mouth. Why don't you guys get to know each other? Maybe have lunch together?
31035 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4747 Kevin Erin, would you have lunch with me?
31036 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4747 Erin Okay.
31037 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4747 Michael Good!
31038 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4747 Kevin Yes!
31039 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4747 Erin Michael, could I talk to you privately?
31040 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4747 Michael Sure. Kevin, please leave.
31041 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4747 Kevin Bye.
31042 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4747 Michael Bye.
31043 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4747 Erin I'm so sorry if I gave you the impression I'm into Kevin, but I'm not. I like Andy.
31044 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4747 Michael Okay. This is going to kill Kevin.
31045 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4747 Erin I'm sure he'll be fine.
31046 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4747 Michael I'm not so sure. Kevin has an enormous heart. Literally, he has an elephant heart. He had a transplant when he was seventeen. Had some problems, blah blah blah.
31047 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4747 Erin Really?
31048 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4748 Michael No, Kevin doesn't have an elephant heart. But he is very sensitive. And it won't kill Erin just to go and have lunch with him in the break room like I promised him... I bet his heart is enlarged, though.
31049 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4749 Erin I don't want anyone to die.
31050 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4749 Michael Just don't let him sit on you... I'm kidding. You'll have fun. It'll be good. It'll be good. There he is. Go to him.
31051 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4749 Kevin Hi.
31052 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4749 Erin Hi.
31053 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4749 Kevin She touched my shoulder.
31054 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4750 Nurse Hey, guys. We're short on rooms, so this is Dale and Kathy.
31055 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4750 Jim Oh, hi.
31056 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4750 Kathy Hi.
31057 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4750 Dale Hi, so sorry.
31058 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4750 Jim Careful... Wow, she just shoves the nipple right in there.
31059 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4750 Pam I know.
31060 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4750 Jim You see that? I'm pretty sure she's... Hi.
31061 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4751 Erin Did you grow up around here?
31062 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4751 Kevin No.
31063 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4751 Erin So, you must have grown up around somewhere else?
31064 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4751 Kevin Yes.
31065 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4752 Andy Why was I hiding behind the plant? Ha, well, in college, I took a botony class, and there was lots of drama in that class. Uh, kids would gossip about me, so I would eavesdrop on them by hiding behind different plants in the botony class. And then, uh, they would say things like "Oh, this guy's going to fail this class," or, "What's this guy doing spying on us from behind plants?" And then I would jump out of them and confront them, and be like, "Oh, you think all I do is hide behind plants and spy on people? Busted." ... Oh, the reason? The reason I was hiding behind that plant in this situation was that I thought that Erin and Kevin were kind of hitting it off, and... I was jealous.
31066 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Hospital employee Uh, hi, Pam Halpert?
31067 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Pam Yes?
31068 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Hospital employee Hi. I'm Clark. Josie said you might benefit from a lactation consultant.
31069 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Pam Um, yeah, that would be great.
31070 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Jim Yup. Really great. When's she available?
31071 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Clark Actually, uh, I'm the consultant. Got milk? Ha ha. Alright, let's see what we're working with.
31072 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Pam So, uh, biggest thing, besides not being able to get her to latch...
31073 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Clark I'll get that for you.
31074 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Pam Oh, thank you. Is that um, I can't tell if I'm really producing. I don't know if she's getting anything.
31075 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Clark Okay. Let me feel here.
31076 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Pam Okay.
31077 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Clark Yeah, it's quite full. Why don't you put your hand on top of my hand.
31078 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Pam Okay.
31079 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Clark When you're feeding, you want to press in like this, make your hand in a C. Uh, does that hurt?
31080 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Pam No, I mean, it feels... pressure.
31081 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Clark Okay.
31082 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Jim Are you sure it doesn't hurt?
31083 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Pam No. It just feels like pressure.
31084 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Clark Okay, well. Feel how I'm flicking the nipple? Like that?
31085 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Jim Yup.
31086 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Clark Stimulate it.
31087 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Jim Yeah.
31088 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Clark Alright, so you just want to do that, and that will, uh...
31089 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Jim Perfect.
31090 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Clark And you can just... The baby should grab on to that.
31091 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Jim I think she will.
31092 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Pam Okay. So, I'm just not sure if I'm releasing, though. I'm not sure if...
31093 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Jim We'll figure it out.
31094 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Clark It doesn't... Why don't you bring your baby over here... She's beautiful.
31095 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Pam Okay. Aw, thank you.
31096 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Clark Yes, congratulations.
31097 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Jim Thank you.
31098 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Clark Well, you're doing a good job. Just stay relaxed, and I'll come back in a bit to check on you. Okay?
31099 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Pam Okay.
31100 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Jim Please do.
31101 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Pam Oh, shoot.
31102 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Jim What?
31103 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Pam Shoot, she fell off.
31104 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Jim Oh, uh, try the torpedo thing.
31105 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Pam Will you just, will you grab Clark real quick?
31106 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Jim No need. I saw him do it. I can try it.
31107 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Pam Um, Jim, please, please, please, I think it'd be weird if you did it.
31108 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4753 Jim Okay, I'll just go get the other guy.
31109 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4754 Dwight Hey, what's up, kid?
31110 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4754 Angela Have you had a chance to look over the revisions on the contract I've prepared for you?
31111 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4754 Dwight Nothing left to do except dot the I's, the J's, and the umlauts. Why don't you meet me here at exactly mid-late afternoon?
31112 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4754 Angela I look forward to it.
31113 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4754 Dwight Very well.
31114 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4754 Angela Goodbye.
31115 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4755 Pam Jim, Jim, get her.
31116 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4755 Jim Hmm?
31117 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4755 Pam Get the baby. Get her. Come on.
31118 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4755 Jim Okay. Sshh. I know.
31119 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4755 Pam I got her. Okay. Okay. Okay... Jim! She latched! She latched.
31120 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4755 Jim That's amazing.
31121 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4755 Pam Oh, my God. I didn't even have to do the "C thing."
31122 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4755 Jim That's awesome.
31123 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4755 Pam Aw, we're doing it.
31124 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4755 Jim that's great.
31125 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4755 Pam We're really parents now.
31126 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4755 Jim Mm-hmm.
31127 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4756 Michael Kevin. Erin would like a few words with you.
31128 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4756 Erin Hey.
31129 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4756 Kevin Hi.
31130 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4756 Erin I have really enjoyed our time together.
31131 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4756 Kevin Yeah, me too.
31132 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4756 Erin I want to continue working on our friendship.
31133 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4756 Kevin Really, really fun.
31134 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4756 Erin Because I think our friendship could be a really cool thing.
31135 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4756 Kevin Yeah, me too.
31136 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4756 Erin And, you're my friend.
31137 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4756 Kevin Yeah.
31138 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4756 Erin And I hope that I'm your friend... And, maybe...
31139 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4756 Kevin Yeah.
31140 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4756 Michael Oh, my God, this is agonizing. Look, Kevin, do you really think that you could have dated Erin?
31141 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4756 Kevin You said she liked me.
31142 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4756 Michael Okay, even if someone told you that, you should know that that could never be possible, Kevin. And I'm surprised that you didn't question me in the first place.
31143 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4756 Kevin I've dumped better than Erin.
31144 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4756 Michael No.
31145 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4756 Kevin Lynn was way hotter than Erin, Michael.
31146 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4756 Michael Lynn was as hot as Erin.
31147 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4756 Kevin Yeah, Michael, but you dated Holly and Jan, and they were so much hotter than you.
31148 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4756 Michael This isn't about me, and that is debatable. And I have a personality, where as you... Yes, Andy?
31149 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4756 Andy Ow.
31150 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4756 Michael Kev... Nice. Going.
31151 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4756 Erin Well...
31152 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4757 Isabelle Knock knock.
31153 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4757 Pam Oh, hey, Isabelle.
31154 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4757 Jim Hey.
31155 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4757 Isabelle Hey. Pam, she's gorgeous. Can I hold her?
31156 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4757 Pam Yes. She was a little fussy earlier, but she's totally quieted down. Here, let me just, uh, let me just burp her. I don't want her to spit up on you. Come here, sweety... Oh, my God! Wrong baby!
31157 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4757 Jim What?
31158 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4757 Pam Wrong baby! This is not our baby! Sshh.
31159 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4757 Jim Okay, okay.
31160 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4757 Pam Oh, my gosh.
31161 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4757 Kathy Oh,has she been fussing long?
31162 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4757 Pam No, not at all.
31163 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4757 Jim Perfect.
31164 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4757 Kathy I was out like a light... Oh, she's not hungry...
31165 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4757 Nurse How's it going?
31166 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4757 Pam Well, I feel like she needs to eat, but she won't latch on, which is weird, because the other baby di...
31167 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4757 Jim Ha ha ha.
31168 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4757 Nurse Bottles are fine. A lot of babies grow up using bottles. So are you excited to bring your baby home?
31169 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4757 Jim We definitely are. At 3:00, right? You said we could stay until 3:00?
31170 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4757 Nurse Yeah, you can. It's 2:35.
31171 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4757 Jim Half hour.
31172 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4757 Nurse Twenty five minutes. And you're all set with the car seat?
31173 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4757 Jim Yes, car seat's right there.
31174 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4757 Nurse That bottom part needs to go in the car.
31175 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4757 Jim Newsflash, the whole thing needs to go in the car.
31176 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4757 Nurse Ha ha, be back in twenty five minutes.
31177 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4757 Jim Or it could be a half hour, if you need it to be... Can we get a late checkout? I don't... I don't think she heard me.
31178 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4758 Isabelle Hello? Dwight? What, what are you doing here?
31179 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4758 Dwight Isabelle. Hello... Yeah, the uh, kitchen was disgusting, so...
31180 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4758 Isabelle Wow, ha. New cabinets.
31181 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4758 Dwight Yup.
31182 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4758 Isabelle All I did was bring macaroni and cheese... Where's the fridge?
31183 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4758 Dwight Oh, it's... In the backyard. I'll take this.
31184 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4758 Isabelle Oh... Well, I'll let you get back to it.
31185 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4758 Dwight Hey, listen. I know that I'm an adult, but maybe I could come by sometime for a teeth cleaning. You know, just for fun.
31186 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4758 Isabelle Well, adults are supposed to go to the dentist, too.
31187 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4758 Dwight Are they now? Ha ha, how some people spend their money, right? Ha ha.
31188 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4758 Isabelle Yeah...
31189 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4758 Dwight Alright. I'll call you, kid.
31190 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4758 Isabelle Do that.
31191 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4759 Jim Are you really sure we should be leaving?
31192 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4759 Hospital employee Yeah.
31193 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4759 Jim But you hear the baby crying, right?
31194 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4759 Hospital employee Mm-hmm... Where's your car?
31195 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4759 Jim Uh, it's in the lot.
31196 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4759 Hospital employee Oh, a lot of fathers bring their car around.
31197 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4759 Jim Right, okay. Yes, that would be the smart thing to do. Uh, Pam, I will be right back.
31198 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4759 Pam Okay, please hurry.
31199 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4760 Andy Erin, uh, I need you to send this fax immediately. It's really important, so I'm going to stand here and wait for the confirmation.
31200 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4760 Erin Okay, good.
31201 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4761 Andy The fax says "Erin, will you have dinner with me?" from Andy, and the number is our office fax number.
31202 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4762 Erin It's busy. Why don't I keep trying, and then I'll give you the confirmation in a bit?
31203 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4762 Andy Sorry, that's unacceptable. I need you to send it immediately, or you're fired.
31204 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4762 Erin You can't talk to me like that. I didn't do anything wrong. I've been having a tough day today.
31205 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4762 Andy Oh, God, no. I'm... Just read the fax.
31206 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4762 Erin You read the fax.
31207 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4762 Andy I'm... I'm asking you out.
31208 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4762 Erin Oh, my God. That's amazing. Let me just fax this, and I'll check my planner.
31209 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4762 Andy So, it's a date.
31210 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4762 Erin Yes. Do you have a day in mind?
31211 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4762 Andy Yeah, what day? What day?
31212 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4762 Erin Everyday is fine. Or...
31213 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4762 Andy Well, that, what's that one?
31214 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4762 Erin Thursday?
31215 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4762 Andy Okay. Let's do it.
31216 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4762 Erin Okay.
31217 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4763 Hospital employee Would you like me to help you up out of the chair?
31218 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4763 Pam Oh, yeah, sorry.
31219 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4763 Hospital employee Yeah, we just got a lot of discharges today.
31220 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4763 Pam Okay, alright, thanks... Okay, do you want to eat? You want to try eating? Okay... Okay, let me... Just you and me. Come on. There we go... Yeah... Oh, yeah. Like that. There we go. You got it.
31221 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4763 Jim Five tickets on the windshield... Hey.
31222 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4763 Pam Hi. We did it.
31223 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4763 Jim You used my move, didn't you?
31224 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4763 Pam I used a variation of your move.
31225 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4764 Michael There is no greater feeling than when two people who are perfect for each other overcome all obstacles, and find true love. And that is what I thought that Erin and Kevin were going to find today... I think I'm going to be sick...
31226 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4765 Dwight Two forms of ID, please.
31227 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4765 Angela And now you, two forms of ID, please... Alright, all is in order. I just need your signature... What is it?
31228 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4765 Dwight Nothing.
31229 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4765 Angela Alright. How would you like to celebrate?
31230 6 17 The Delivery (Parts 1&2) 4765 Dwight Just pour yourself a cup of apple juice. I feel sick... I couldn't find the iPod... Give me a couple days. I'll be out of your hair.
31231 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4766 Michael Hello hello. Top of the morning to you! Ooh ooh! Green M&Ms! Nature's Viagra! Two of my favorite joke areas combined. It'll be a good day.
31232 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4767 Kelly I don't want to bring my friends, why can't it just be the two of us?
31233 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4767 Ryan Because it's St. Patrick's Day, people go out in groups.
31234 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4767 Kelly Well why don't you invite your friends?
31235 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4767 Ryan Why are you being so weird about this?
31236 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4767 Meredith Stop fighting. Just on St Patrick's Day, okay? Just one perfect day a year. No hassles, no problems, no kids.
31237 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4767 Ryan Why no kids?
31238 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4767 Kelly Yeah, where are your kids?
31239 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4767 Meredith Nope. Nuh -uh. Not today!
31240 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4768 Michael It is St. Patrick's Day, and here in Scranton that is a huge deal. It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas.
31241 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4769 Erin Welcome back, "Dad!"
31242 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4769 Jim Oh, thank you!
31243 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4769 Phyllis Hey!
31244 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4769 Stanley Hey!
31245 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4769 Andy Welcome back Tuna!
31246 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4769 Jim Hey...
31247 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4769 Dwight Very good. Okay. Will get back to you right away on that, thanks.
31248 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4769 Jim What do we got here?
31249 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4769 Dwight Mega-Desk.
31250 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4769 Jim Of course.
31251 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4769 Dwight Command central.
31252 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4769 Jim Hm hm.
31253 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4769 Dwight Surveillance, gaming- and business.
31254 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4769 Jim Okay. Just gotta...
31255 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4769 Dwight Okay. Come on! Jim!
31256 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4770 Dwight Dweedle Dee and Dweedle Dumb-ass have been away on maternity leave. Now Dweedle Dumb-ass is back, and we have a problem. Yes, getting hooked on Mega-Desk was my own damn fault. But ... I don't care about assigning blame. All I care about is Mega-Desk. That is all I care about. Getting. More. Mega-Desk.
31257 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4771 Jo Oh, I love this, so much fun! There's such team spirit in this room! 'Morning Darling!
31258 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4771 Jim Morning!
31259 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4772 Jo Well, this is my last day at the Scranton branch for a while. But I'm leaving it in the very capable hands of some of the loveliest people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. Oh I'm gonna miss this place. And the snow! Hoo, my dogs love peeing in that snow! Makes me think they're onto something.
31260 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4773 Jo Oh good morning sweetheart.
31261 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4773 Michael Morning, honey-pile.
31262 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4773 Jo I'm sorry but is that a gift I see in your hands?
31263 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4773 Michael It is. This is a little something for you to remember your time here in Scranton by.
31264 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4773 Jo Is that a lump of coal?
31265 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4773 Michael Yes it is!
31266 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4773 Jo Have I been that naughty?
31267 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4773 Michael No, no no- that is a good gift actually. Buildings here in Scranton are literally powered by coal.
31268 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4773 Jo Err, thank you very much. We, we don't get to see much coal in Tallahassee, I'm used to alligators, and some of the worst Chinese food you've ever tasted.
31269 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4773 Michael Mm, that sounds great, actually.
31270 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4773 Jo Well, if you ever get down in my neck of the woods, you got a place to stay.
31271 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4774 Michael When you work for Sabre, only one thing matters. And I don't care if you're a loser, or you practice bestiality, if Jo likes you, you are in. And I am in!
31272 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4775 Andy Erin go braugh!
31273 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4775 Erin Andy go braugh to you! Nice kilt!
31274 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4775 Andy Thanks. It's actually my sister's old field hockey skirt.
31275 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4776 Andy Erin and I have our first date tonight, and it has to be perfect. Why? Because according to "How I Met Your Mother" that's the date that your kids are going to wait patiently to hear about, and you better have a good story for them.
31276 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4777 Jim No.
31277 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4777 Dwight Great.
31278 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4777 Jim No.
31279 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4777 Dwight Thank you.
31280 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4777 Jim No-no-no-no-no.
31281 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4777 Dwight Oh come on. Come on. Five more minutes? Five more minutes of Mega-Desk? Please?
31282 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4777 Jim Is this yours or mine?
31283 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4778 Dwight They say that no man is an island. False! I am an island and this island is volcanic. And it is about to erupt. With the molten hot lava of strategy!
31284 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4779 Jim Good Lord! I can't believe I'm missing this.
31285 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4779 Pam It's kind of like that lip thing she did last night, like a half snarl, half smile? I get the sense that she's very ironic.
31286 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4779 Jim Okay. Love you. We'll talk soon.
31287 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4779 Dwight Must be amazing being a father right, a miracle of life?
31288 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4779 Jim It is. Big time.
31289 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4779 Dwight Ah, that baby is just discovering the whole wide world right now.
31290 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4779 Jim Pretty amazing.
31291 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4779 Dwight What up is, what down is, who Mom is, who Dad is. Must be tough being here with all that going on.
31292 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4779 Jim Oh it's tough being here for a lot of reasons.
31293 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4779 Dwight I mean, you're here at work, and the baby thinks that the refrigerator is its father.
31294 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4779 Jim Is that what happened to you?
31295 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4779 Dwight I'll tell you what happened to me. I didn't see my father for the first two years of my life. I thought my mother was my father, and my wet-nurse was my mother.
31296 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4779 Jim That's a common mistake.
31297 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4779 Dwight Turned out fine for me. But Mose? Oh. Same story, different ending.
31298 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4780 Angela Hey! Are you sick?
31299 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4780 Erin Oh, no I'm fine, I just have a little indigestion.
31300 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4780 Angela In your nose?
31301 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4780 Erin Yes.
31302 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4781 Erin I'm a little sick but I don't want to miss my date with Andy. I'll get better. Whenever I'm sick it goes away within a few hours. Except once, when I was in the hospital from age three to six.
31303 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Jo Now, after all the talking I've been doing. It's your turn. This is a town hall meeting. I want to hear what you all sound like.
31304 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Michael That is a great idea JB.
31305 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Jo Thank you. You know I get way too many ideas from the top. Now I want to hear your ideas. I mean, did you guys know that Liquid Paper? That wasn't invented by some fancy engineer. No, that was created by a lowly typist.
31306 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Kevin Jo, I have an idea, for suntan lotion - soap.
31307 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Jo You know it doesn't have to be an invention.
31308 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Oscar I have a question.
31309 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Michael Oscar, homosexual accountant.
31310 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Oscar In the training manual it says, that there is a minority executive training program in Tallahassee?
31311 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Jo I am so proud of Sabre's "Print In All Colors" initiative. Any Sabre employee of color, is welcome to apply. Daryl?
31312 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Michael Daryl. Mellow, soulful, smart for warehouse...
31313 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Jo Okay hush now.
31314 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Michael Okay.
31315 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Daryl The Sabre shipping method could be more efficient. Combining inventory systems makes sense on paper, but printers and paper ship differently. It'll be faster to deliver them separately, instead of waiting on everything to come in.
31316 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Jo But you wouldn't need more trucks?
31317 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Daryl Not at all. There's a way that it can be scheduled. I sketched this out downstairs.
31318 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Jo Oh look at you.
31319 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Michael Look at that picture that you drew. Nice job! We're very proud of you. You know what, we're gonna tape that up on the refrigerator in the kitchen.
31320 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Jo I like this Daryl. I like this a lot. Maybe you should be doing your sketching upstairs. Would you like an office up here?
31321 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Daryl Are you serious?
31322 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Jo Yeah. Take Jim's old office.
31323 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Gabe Um. I set my stuff up in there. So... just give me a few minutes to clean that out for you.
31324 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Jo Yeah, I want to hear more from you.
31325 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Daryl Absolutely.
31326 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Jo All right.
31327 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Daryl Thank you.
31328 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Jo Okay. Any questions? Anything on anybody's mind? I'm leaving tonight, this is your last chance for a while!
31329 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Michael Oh no! Say it's not so, Jo, we're gonna miss you, we're gonna miss you so much!
31330 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Jo Yes, well okay. Florida ain't that far away.
31331 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Michael Well, I am heading down there.
31332 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Jo Well, anytime now.
31333 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Michael How about July 4th weekend?
31334 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Jo Oh honey you didn't buy a ticket?
31335 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Michael I did!
31336 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Jo Oh honey. I'm not home, very often. And uh, me and my relatives, they take up the guesthouse. I think you should check with my office, before you book any dates, okay?
31337 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Michael You know what, in the spirit of full disclosure, I have actually reserved a bunch of different seats on a bunch of different flights, but there are a couple of flights that only have two tickets left, so I think we should pull the trigger and -
31338 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Jo Enough!
31339 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4782 Michael All right, everybody, just try to put a brave face on.
31340 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4783 Michael Let's follow the chain of events. Jo likes Michael. Jo invites Michael to house. Jo doesn't like Michael anymore. Hmmm.
31341 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4784 Daryl Moving on up, to the East Side, to the deluxe apartment in the sky...
31342 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4785 Michael Hello. I want you to stop what you're doing right now. You are stressed, and I'm taking you to lunch.
31343 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4785 Jo No, that's very generous of you, but I'm all set.
31344 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4785 Michael No is not an option.
31345 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4785 Jo Yes it is.
31346 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4785 Michael All right. Well if you need me, I'll be on the other side of that wall. Knock once for yes, twice for no.
31347 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4785 Jo How many knocks does it take to get you to do some work?
31348 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4785 Michael I'll be over there.
31349 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4786 Jim And I'm actually pleased to be able to offer you printer cartridges and toner now.
31350 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4786 Dwight Oh Jim, Jim! Sorry to bother you.
31351 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4786 Jim What?
31352 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4786 Dwight My headphones are broken.
31353 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4786 Jim Right.
31354 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4786 Dwight Can I listen to my music at a low volume?
31355 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4786 Jim Yeah that's great. Great.
31356 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4786 Dwight Okay? "The cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, little boy blue-"
31357 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4786 Jim When's the last time you upgraded your printer?
31358 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4786 Dwight "- and the man in the moon. When you coming home Dad? I don't know when-"
31359 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4786 Jim Please stop that!
31360 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4786 Dwight "-But we'll be together then-"
31361 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4786 Jim Can you grow up?
31362 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4786 Dwight "-Dad, you know we'll have a good time then."
31363 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4786 Jim Whether it's this time or next time.
31364 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4786 Andy "The cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon"
31365 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4786 Jim Yeah.
31366 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4786 Andy, Dwight "Little boy blue and the man in the moon."
31367 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4786 Jim No, we definitely can talk about it in the next--
31368 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4786 Andy, Dwight "When you coming home Dad?
31369 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4786 Jim You know, can I call you back?
31370 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4786 Andy, Dwight "I don't know when-"
31371 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4786 Jim That would be great, thank you.
31372 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4786 Andy, Dwight "But we'll get together then, we're gonna have a good time-"
31373 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4787 Jim No, I know I need to work, I just- I feel weird not being home.
31374 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4788 Jim I am not surprised that Dwight's using my baby to steal my desk. I'm a little surprised that it's working.
31375 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4789 Erin This fax came for you.
31376 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4789 Jo Oh no no no! Are you feeling ill?
31377 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4789 Erin Uh...
31378 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4789 Jo Oh no honey, if you got a bug, I want you to go on home. I can't have you getting Callie and Jo Jr. sick. These dogs have got to be in a commercial with Dwight Howard next week.
31379 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4789 Erin Oh! No. I feel like I could lift a car.
31380 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4789 Jo Yeah, but you sound like death, girl. Now why don't you go on home and take care of yourself and get in bed. And shred that and have them send me a clean fax, okay?
31381 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4789 Erin Well...
31382 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4790 Andy She should go home. It's not the end of the world. We'll go on our date next week. She's still gonna like me in a week. Right?
31383 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4791 Jo Yes?
31384 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4791 Andy I was just working at my desk and I wanted to run some new leads by you.
31385 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4791 Jo Oh! You're sick! Dangit! That's exactly why I sent that receptionist home.
31386 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4791 Andy No, no, no, no, no.
31387 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4791 Jo Get everybody sick in the office.
31388 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4791 Andy I have some good ideas...
31389 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4791 Jo We don't need any heroes here honey. It's time for you to get on home now.
31390 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4791 Andy You sure?
31391 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4791 Jo You'll probably feel better once you get some pants on. Come on.
31392 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4792 Michael Very nice.
31393 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4792 Daryl Not bad, huh?
31394 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4792 Michael A real Hoop Dreams story you got there. Oh man, you seem to have caught Jo's eye. How'd you make that happen?
31395 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4792 Daryl I impressed her with my good ideas.
31396 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4792 Michael Hm mm. Seriously, how did you do it?
31397 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4792 Daryl I made a suggestion at the meeting that was good. You were there.
31398 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4792 Michael How do I put this delicately? Does her family owe your family something, in terms of a past injustice?
31399 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4792 Daryl Now Mike, I have to ask you to leave, so that I can learn about this tiny television.
31400 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4792 Michael Okay. All right.
31401 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4793 Jo Hey there.
31402 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4793 Michael Hey there. So I think I'm done. Gonna head out. Unless you want to chat. Like we were doing earlier.
31403 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4793 Jo Well there's chatting time and there's working time. I'm still on working time.
31404 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4793 Michael Mm? Well, the clock says chatting time, so.
31405 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4793 Jo Well, if you feel like you've done a solid days work...
31406 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4793 Michael Right. What?
31407 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4793 Jo Well I mean, if you can put your name on this day, and be proud of the amount of work you've done, then, by all means, you should toodle on home.
31408 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4793 Michael Mm. mm. Oh well.
31409 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4793 Jo Anything else I can help you with?
31410 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4793 Michael No, no, no. That's super-clear-ish. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.
31411 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4794 Kevin Just because Jo has no life, does not mean that the rest of us don't have lives. Oscar has a life. I think Ryan has a life. This is outrageous.
31412 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4795 Michael Hey Pack-man.
31413 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4795 Todd Packer Hey what's up, Butt-plug?
31414 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4795 Michael How you doing stud? You already there?
31415 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4795 Todd Packer Dude, I've been here since three! I've boot and rallied twice.
31416 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4795 Michael How's the lady situation?
31417 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4795 Todd Packer Fat and ugly. You might actually have a chance.
31418 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4795 Michael Ah damn. That sounds great. Unfortunately I am stuck here, because my boss is making us work late.
31419 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4795 Todd Packer Oh here's what you do. Hike up your skirt and pull out your tampon, borrow some balls and come meet me!
31420 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4795 Michael Yeah. Maybe next year.
31421 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4795 Todd Packer Maybe next "queer." Hey ladies, who wants some bangers and mash?
31422 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4796 Erin Oh! Andy!
31423 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4796 Andy Hi!
31424 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4796 Erin I'm in my jammy-jams!
31425 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4796 Andy That's okay, I'm in my "worky-works." You look amazing!
31426 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4796 Erin Oh, thanks. Come in!
31427 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4797 Meredith Hey! Me and Creed are in. Are you guys in?
31428 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4797 Kevin Oh I'm in.
31429 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4797 Oscar I'm in.
31430 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4797 Meredith All right.
31431 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4797 Jo Oh, you don't become the most powerful woman in Tallahassee by slacking off. You do it by working hard. Or marrying rich. I did both!
31432 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4798 Dwight Ah. Got a little client meeting at Shanny O'Gannigan's tonight. It shouldn't go all night long, so if you'd like me to, I could swing by your house so the baby can experience a strong male presence. No? Nothing? Okay. Have fun working.
31433 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4799 Dwight Hi there Jo. Sorry to interrupt. Um, this evening I have...
31434 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4799 Jo Hello?
31435 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4799 Jim Hey Jo, it's Jim Halpert. I actually scheduled a meeting at 7:30 with a very important client. And it's so weird, because we never have meetings after 5pm. But I was hoping that maybe just this once, it would be okay.
31436 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4799 Jo Well sure. You know, you go ahead and push some printers.
31437 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4799 Jim You know I will. And by the way, seriously, we never, never do this!
31438 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4799 Jo Okay.
31439 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4799 Jim Okay.
31440 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4799 Jo Sorry Sugar. What'd you want?
31441 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4799 Dwight Well, you see, I actually do have a meeting. With a client. I'm just gonna reschedule for next week.
31442 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4799 Jo Thank you.
31443 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4799 Jim Thanks again by the way.
31444 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4800 Daryl Hey! What are you fellas doing up here?
31445 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4800 Warehouse guy 1 We're here to bust you out!
31446 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4800 Daryl I wish, but uh-
31447 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4800 Warehouse guy 1 Dude! Your shirt tucked in?
31448 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4800 Daryl Oh. Yeah, um, I must have did that when I was in the bathroom. All right then, uh, let me get to it.
31449 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4800 Warehouse guy 1 All right.
31450 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4800 Warehouse guy 2 See you later.
31451 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4801 Erin Your hand's cold.
31452 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4801 Andy It is? I'm sorry.
31453 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4801 Erin Yeah, have some more blanket.
31454 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4801 Andy Okay, thanks.
31455 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4801 Reid What's up?
31456 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4801 Andy Whoa!
31457 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4801 Erin You're awake. Andy, this is my brother, Reid.
31458 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4801 Andy I didn't know you had a brother.
31459 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4801 Erin He's my foster brother.
31460 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4801 Andy Well, any brother of Erin's is a friend of mine. Nice to meet you. Andy Bernard.
31461 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4801 Reid Cold hands.
31462 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4801 Andy Are we rotating seats, or?
31463 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4801 Reid Oh yeah, you're the guest. Take the easy chair, best seat in the house. Plus, you don't have to sit next to this big dork and her smelly feet.
31464 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4801 Erin Hey! My feet aren't smelly, they smell like roses. Smell them!
31465 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4801 Reid Ooh!
31466 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4801 Andy So, how does the whole foster sibling thing work? Do you guys share one parent or-?
31467 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4801 Erin None. We were in the same house from ages ten to twelve. And then from fifteen to eighteen.
31468 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4801 Andy All right. Formative years.
31469 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4801 Reid Nice skirt.
31470 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4801 Andy Yeah, it's a kilt.
31471 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4802 Night cleaning crew Oh! Sorry! Sorry, sorry.
31472 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4803 Angela Yes, I'm anxious to get off work. But let me be clear. It's not to celebrate St Patrick's Day. It's so I can protest St. Patrick's Day.
31473 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4804 Jo Overnight all my damn bags home. I'm carrying nothing but my Sable gloves. I've had it with Homeland Security. And I want you to put all those tracking numbers in my Blackberry.
31474 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4804 Michael How late do we have to work tonight?
31475 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4804 Gabe You never know with Jo. Sometimes we're here til midnight. Sometimes she doesn't show up for three days.
31476 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4804 Michael Why does she do that? Why doesn't she just tell you what your schedule is?
31477 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4804 Gabe Yeah, that would be awesome. I could get a girlfriend. Wouldn't have to go to Amsterdam seven times a year. But uh, I'm young, right? I will date when I'm dead!
31478 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4805 Michael Do I really want to turn out like Gabe? Twenty-six. Single. Tied to my desk. No life, no family. I want to have been married by the time I would've turned thirty. That's just - that's just depressing.
31479 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4806 Michael Hello Jo.
31480 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4806 Jo Anything I can do for you Puddin'?
31481 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4806 Michael There is, as a matter of fact. It's getting sorta late. It's 8:30. And it's St. Patrick's Day, which is a world ethnic holiday. So I have decided I'm going to dismiss my employees.
31482 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4806 Jo Hmm.
31483 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4806 Michael I'm thrilled with the work they've done today, both quality and the quantity. Great performance, Very, very solid all the way around.
31484 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4806 Jo All right then.
31485 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4806 Michael Okay. Happy St. Patrick's Day. And also, I would like to say that I will be canceling my trip down to Tallahassee. Although I do look forward to our professional relationship.
31486 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4806 Jo Michael?
31487 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4806 Michael Yes.
31488 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4806 Jo I look forward to that too.
31489 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4807 Andy Ooh. It's coming down out there.
31490 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4807 Erin Yes. Thank you, for coming all the way here.
31491 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4807 Andy No, I-
31492 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4807 Erin I'm so sorry I was so sick.
31493 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4807 Andy Ah. Oh great, now I'm gonna get sick.
31494 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4808 Michael Excuse me, excuse me. Hey guys!
31495 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4808 Michael Drinks are on me!
31496 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4808 Oscar No! No, no no! Put your credit cards away. Drinks are on us!
31497 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4808 Michael Oh -hoh! All right.
31498 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4809 Michael Did I mess up my career today? My future prospects at Sabre? I don't know. There is a chance. Yes. I tell you I love my job. But Jo wants me to put on a show for her, and pretend to work late? Nah. I spent all day, trying to make her like me, and I forgot to ask myself something: Do I even like her? As the Irish poet Bobby McFerrin says, "Don't worry, be happy."
31499 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4809 Todd Packer Whoops!
31500 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4809 Michael Okay. Okay, all right. Best night ever. What the hell is going on back there?
31501 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4810 Jim Yeah. We should be able to have that right over to you by Monday. Yeah no problem. Thank you.
31502 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4810 Dwight What the hell is this?
31503 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4810 Jim Oh!
31504 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4810 Dwight This is not Mega-Desk.
31505 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4810 Jim No, it's not. They call it Quad-Desk.
31506 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4810 Dwight That's ridiculous, this is made up of three desks.
31507 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4810 Jim Oh my God. We're going to have to re-name it then aren't we?
31508 6 19 St. Patrick's Day 4810 Dwight Hello, Dwight Schrute?
31509 6 20 New Leads 4811 Michael Hey Jim, Jim. Come here. Do you know who that is?
31510 6 20 New Leads 4811 Jim No.
31511 6 20 New Leads 4811 Michael Look at him. Look at him - t-shirt, jeans...
31512 6 20 New Leads 4811 Jim Is he you?
31513 6 20 New Leads 4811 Michael I am flattered. That's Johnny Depp.
31514 6 20 New Leads 4811 Jim Where did you take that?
31515 6 20 New Leads 4811 Michael In my condo complex.
31516 6 20 New Leads 4811 Jim Oh my God, that's right. I read in People magazine that he was looking for a two-bedroom condo in Scranton.
31517 6 20 New Leads 4811 Michael I am flipping out, man. I mean, you remember my idea for the fourth Pirates movie.
31518 6 20 New Leads 4811 Jim Sure. That they should do one.
31519 6 20 New Leads 4811 Michael Hey, Jim, Jim - where, where do I find the Black Pearl?
31520 6 20 New Leads 4811 Jim Who's that?
31521 6 20 New Leads 4811 Michael Captain Jack Sparrow. Captain Jack Sparrow, Jim.
31522 6 20 New Leads 4811 Jim John Dillinger.
31523 6 20 New Leads 4811 Michael No. I'm Captain Jack Sparrow.
31524 6 20 New Leads 4811 Jim Captain Crunch.
31525 6 20 New Leads 4811 Michael Okay, okay. Screw you, Halpert. You know, it's not easy getting excited about stuff. Remember how you felt when you thought you'd seen Roger Clemens?
31526 6 20 New Leads 4811 Jim At the Yankees game. Yeah.
31527 6 20 New Leads 4811 Michael Yeah. Well, it wasn't him.
31528 6 20 New Leads 4811 Jim I had a little better reason to believe that... You're right. You're right. Well, you're not right, because Johnny Depp...
31529 6 20 New Leads 4811 Michael I know, I know.
31530 6 20 New Leads 4811 Jim ...in your condo complex.
31531 6 20 New Leads 4811 Michael I know! It also explains why the name on his mailbox was M Shulman.
31532 6 20 New Leads 4811 Jim M. Night Shulman?
31533 6 20 New Leads 4812 Michael First up, the lost and found has gone missing. It itself is lost, so please, try not to lose anything until we find it. Ah, pet day. If you don't have a pet, please don't feel like -
31534 6 20 New Leads 4812 Stanley When are we getting to sales topics?
31535 6 20 New Leads 4812 Dwight Yeah, what about those leads? Did you hear anything from corporate?
31536 6 20 New Leads 4812 Michael Ah, yes, the leads. The leads that Sabre has spent $50,000 to get from a market research company... are not here yet. But will be.. No, no, meeting's not over.
31537 6 20 New Leads 4812 Phyllis But is there anything relevant to the sales staff here?
31538 6 20 New Leads 4812 Michael No sales topic per se.
31539 6 20 New Leads 4812 Andy Well then no Andy Bernard per se.
31540 6 20 New Leads 4812 Michael Dwight?
31541 6 20 New Leads 4812 Dwight Sorry, Michael, I got calls to make.
31542 6 20 New Leads 4812 Michael I would like your undivided attention, please.
31543 6 20 New Leads 4812 Dwight You couldn't handle my undivided attention.
31544 6 20 New Leads 4813 Michael Over the last few weeks, things have been changing here. Sabre says it is our duty to support the sales team and the salesmen are letting it go to their heads. I think it's kind of screwed up, because the way this place used to work was: make friends first, make sales second, make love third, in no particular order.
31545 6 20 New Leads 4814 Dwight Listen, Michael - about what happened earlier.
31546 6 20 New Leads 4814 Michael Yeah.
31547 6 20 New Leads 4814 Dwight When I was asking about the leads.
31548 6 20 New Leads 4814 Michael M-hmm.
31549 6 20 New Leads 4814 Dwight ... is there any news on the leads?
31550 6 20 New Leads 4814 Michael Is that all you have to say to me?
31551 6 20 New Leads 4814 Dwight Yeah. You got any news on the leads? ... Okay, I'll tell you what. I'm going out on a very important sales call. You get any news about the leads, you try me. All of my numbers. All six of my numbers, okay? Including the car phone! Alright, Dwight out!
31552 6 20 New Leads 4815 Dwight Salesman is king. As the best salesman, I am king of kings. Oh, you say Jesus is king of kings? Well. What does that say to you about how I think of myself?
31553 6 20 New Leads 4816 Angela Hm-hm. Do you not answer e-mails anymore? Because I've e-mailed you four times asking you to come to my desk.
31554 6 20 New Leads 4816 Phyllis Honey, if I don't have time to answer an e-mail, I definitely don't have time to walk over to your desk.
31555 6 20 New Leads 4817 Michael Wow, wowie wowie. Congratulations. It's a big cheque.
31556 6 20 New Leads 4817 Jim Oh, sorry, wait one second.
31557 6 20 New Leads 4817 Michael Stop sexting Pam. I'm trying to congratulate you.
31558 6 20 New Leads 4817 Jim This is actually a big potential sale, so...
31559 6 20 New Leads 4817 Michael You writing your memoirs over there?
31560 6 20 New Leads 4817 Jim You writing your name over there?
31561 6 20 New Leads 4817 Michael Well, it's a pretty big check.
31562 6 20 New Leads 4817 Jim That's good. You know, with the kid.
31563 6 20 New Leads 4817 Michael Okay. Don't gloat. Here's the thing. This kind of money can corrupt people.
31564 6 20 New Leads 4817 Jim Alright, here we go. Michael...
31565 6 20 New Leads 4817 Michael I'm just saying, that -
31566 6 20 New Leads 4817 Jim Michael - Great.
31567 6 20 New Leads 4818 Andy Very nice. Let me just, let me just write that down real quick. Pencil? Can you give me that pencil? Hang on Teddy... I'm making a sale. Sales.
31568 6 20 New Leads 4818 Darryl There's other pencil's in this office.
31569 6 20 New Leads 4818 Andy Give me that
31570 6 20 New Leads 4819 Michael Honey and jelly sandwich time.
31571 6 20 New Leads 4819 Darryl Michael.
31572 6 20 New Leads 4819 Michael Oh, you got to be kidding me. Look at that. That's -
31573 6 20 New Leads 4819 Darryl I know who did that.
31574 6 20 New Leads 4819 Michael You saw who did this and you didn't stop them?
31575 6 20 New Leads 4819 Darryl Didn't have to see. It was sales. I can feel it. They are out of control.
31576 6 20 New Leads 4819 Michael The sales department smashed my sandwich.
31577 6 20 New Leads 4819 Darryl Yes. All of 'em. Together. It's a conspiracy. Listen to me, Mike, you gotta do something about them.
31578 6 20 New Leads 4819 Michael You don't get it.
31579 6 20 New Leads 4819 Darryl You need to get back on top.
31580 6 20 New Leads 4819 Michael That's what she said.
31581 6 20 New Leads 4819 Darryl Yeah.
31582 6 20 New Leads 4819 Michael Yeah.
31583 6 20 New Leads 4820 Erin Something came for you, Michael.
31584 6 20 New Leads 4820 Michael Thank you very much.
31585 6 20 New Leads 4820 Jim What'd you get?
31586 6 20 New Leads 4820 Michael Ah, just the stupid leads.
31587 6 20 New Leads 4820 Jim Alright!
31588 6 20 New Leads 4820 Stanley About time.
31589 6 20 New Leads 4820 Andy Me likey!
31590 6 20 New Leads 4820 Phyllis Finally, Michael. Hand 'em over, numbnuts. But seriously. It's your job to give us those leads.
31591 6 20 New Leads 4820 Michael Alright. Then I guess I should give them out. Hold on. You know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking that I have something that you want. You guys are acting like you own this place. And you don't. Not even Sabre owns this place. It's a rental. I'm kind of sick of the attitude around here. I'm sick of the cocky walk, I am sick of you throwing your paycheck in my face, I am sick of your uppity attitude, Jim... I think I am not going to give these to you.
31592 6 20 New Leads 4820 Stanley We need those leads, Michael. It's our job Michael. Michael!
31593 6 20 New Leads 4821 Gabe Michael, we spent a lot of money on those leads. You have to give them out.
31594 6 20 New Leads 4821 Michael Then we are just rewarding their bad behaviour. Okay. Just - imagine that instead of going to jail for murdering someone, you got an ice-cream cone. If that were the case, then in the summertime, everyone would go around killing people for the pleasure of an ice-cream cone.
31595 6 20 New Leads 4821 Gabe Michael, I don't want to incentivise murder. But - we've tried to make it clear that our policy emphasises sales staff -
31596 6 20 New Leads 4821 Michael They act like I have no power.
31597 6 20 New Leads 4821 Gabe But you do. You are in charge -
31598 6 20 New Leads 4821 Michael Thank you.
31599 6 20 New Leads 4821 Gabe #NAME?
31600 6 20 New Leads 4821 Michael Hmm. Well, if that is what I am required to do, I will do exactly that.
31601 6 20 New Leads 4821 Gabe Okay, good.
31602 6 20 New Leads 4821 Michael Exactly that.
31603 6 20 New Leads 4821 Gabe Good.
31604 6 20 New Leads 4821 Michael Exactly that.
31605 6 20 New Leads 4821 Gabe Why do you keep repeating -
31606 6 20 New Leads 4822 Michael Hello. May I have everyone's attention, please? Gabe has instructed me to hand out the leads, so I'm going to give the leads to... King Creed!
31607 6 20 New Leads 4822 Phyllis What are you -
31608 6 20 New Leads 4822 Michael - and to King Meredith!
31609 6 20 New Leads 4822 Stanley They aren't salespeople!
31610 6 20 New Leads 4822 Michael And to King Angela! Because today we are all kings. And queens .
31611 6 20 New Leads 4822 Phyllis What the hell do you think you're doing?
31612 6 20 New Leads 4822 Michael I'm giving them the leads, Phyllis.
31613 6 20 New Leads 4823 Jim Hey.
31614 6 20 New Leads 4823 Michael Hey.
31615 6 20 New Leads 4823 Jim So I'm going to go ahead and save you some time, and tell you that no-one's going to go along with this. But you knew that, right?
31616 6 20 New Leads 4823 Michael Mm-hmm.
31617 6 20 New Leads 4823 Jim Alright. So why don't you just give me my share of the leads, and I'll start making some calls?
31618 6 20 New Leads 4823 Michael Okay.
31619 6 20 New Leads 4823 Jim Hey, alright.
31620 6 20 New Leads 4823 Michael Alright.
31621 6 20 New Leads 4823 Jim Ahh, these aren't leads. What are they?
31622 6 20 New Leads 4823 Michael Oh, right, those are clues. And within each clue is a lesson. You learn a lesson, and then you find a lead. The leads are scattered all over the industrial park. I am trying to make your kids respect you. Because a father needs to respect his boss, and kids don't respect the father who doesn't respect the boss. Do you understand that line of logic?
31623 6 20 New Leads 4823 Jim I don't think you understand -
31624 6 20 New Leads 4823 Michael I do understand it.
31625 6 20 New Leads 4823 Jim This one's a map.
31626 6 20 New Leads 4823 Michael Or is it?
31627 6 20 New Leads 4824 Angela Oh, how the tables have turned. I see you got my e-mail.
31628 6 20 New Leads 4824 Phyllis Are you gonna give me the leads or not?
31629 6 20 New Leads 4824 Angela I'll give you the leads. But you know what? It's going to cost you some clerical work
31630 6 20 New Leads 4824 Phyllis What are these for?
31631 6 20 New Leads 4824 Angela It doesn't matter. Fill them out. All of them. Then when you're done, you can watch me shred them.
31632 6 20 New Leads 4825 Kelly I want to watch the Kardashians! I don't want to watch boring -
31633 6 20 New Leads 4825 Ryan It's my -
31634 6 20 New Leads 4825 Stanley The Kardashians is a good show.
31635 6 20 New Leads 4825 Ryan No it's - how would he even know the Kardashians?
31636 6 20 New Leads 4825 Kelly It's about a family. A real-life family.
31637 6 20 New Leads 4825 Ryan No, Stanley, do you -
31638 6 20 New Leads 4826 Pam Hey baby, what's up?
31639 6 20 New Leads 4826 Jim I am currently reading incoherent riddles on blue index cards to find vital information that Michael has hidden all over the office. How are you?
31640 6 20 New Leads 4826 Pam Nothing but vomit and diapers over here.
31641 6 20 New Leads 4826 Jim Oh my god, I couldn't envy you more.
31642 6 20 New Leads 4827 Jim Having a baby is as exhausting as they say it is. Having two babies - that's just unfair.
31643 6 20 New Leads 4828 Jim How about this one - 'When arrogant salesmen are mean to my face, a certain manager will go to his moppy place.'
31644 6 20 New Leads 4828 Pam He means his mopey place, it's under that streetlamp that he thinks was in Casablanca.
31645 6 20 New Leads 4828 Jim I love you.
31646 6 20 New Leads 4829 Michael Today I turned an office crisis into a teachable moment. A lesser manager would have screwed this day up royally : 'Now that's Italian!'] Some yokel sitting behind his desk saying take a lead, learn nothing Some people shouldn't be in this business.
31647 6 20 New Leads 4830 Andy Hey. I guess you probably won't give me your leads since I'm a jerk salesman.
31648 6 20 New Leads 4830 Erin Yeah. I basically wish you were dead. I hid the leads.
31649 6 20 New Leads 4830 Andy Where?
31650 6 20 New Leads 4830 Erin Colder. Colder. Warmer. Warmer. Colder. Colder. Warmer. Warmer. Warmer. Hot. Hotter. Pretty hot. Lower.
31651 6 20 New Leads 4830 Andy Are you...
31652 6 20 New Leads 4830 Erin Lower.
31653 6 20 New Leads 4830 Andy Are you sure?
31654 6 20 New Leads 4830 Erin Lower
31655 6 20 New Leads 4831 Dwight What are you doing, idiot?
31656 6 20 New Leads 4831 Jim Michael's stupid scavenger hunt.
31657 6 20 New Leads 4831 Dwight Scavenger hunt? Here. I can solve it. Give it. 'The treasure you seek is in the parking lot under the first president.'
31658 6 20 New Leads 4831 Jim Lincoln.
31659 6 20 New Leads 4831 Dwight The prankster is getting pranked. Ha ha.
31660 6 20 New Leads 4831 Jim It involves you too.
31661 6 20 New Leads 4831 Dwight The leads are in?
31662 6 20 New Leads 4832 Dwight Michael? Michael, you were supposed to tell me when the leads came in.
31663 6 20 New Leads 4832 Michael Well, bigshot, 'If you want to find your leads, go to the man who never breathes'.
31664 6 20 New Leads 4832 Dwight Kevin! Damnit Kevin, give me those leads. Where are they? C'mon -
31665 6 20 New Leads 4832 Kevin You are never going to find them.
31666 6 20 New Leads 4832 Dwight Really.
31667 6 20 New Leads 4832 Kevin I'm going to enjoy this.
31668 6 20 New Leads 4832 Dwight Gimme the leads. Where are my leads?
31669 6 20 New Leads 4832 Kevin I'm still enjoying it.
31670 6 20 New Leads 4832 Dwight Where are they?
31671 6 20 New Leads 4832 Kevin Turn the trash. Turn the trash.
31672 6 20 New Leads 4832 Dwight Turn the trash It's code. Alright, Meredith, take off your dress.
31673 6 20 New Leads 4832 Meredith Okey-dokey.
31674 6 20 New Leads 4832 Kevin No, dear god, no, it's in the trash can. In the kitchen.
31675 6 20 New Leads 4832 Meredith It's coming off anyway.
31676 6 20 New Leads 4832 Dwight Clean sack.
31677 6 20 New Leads 4832 Kevin What -
31678 6 20 New Leads 4832 Erin I emptied it in the dumpster. With Toby's baba ganoush.
31679 6 20 New Leads 4833 Toby If we don't patronise the only Syrian restaurant in town, there'll be nothing left but pan pizzas and make-your-own salads.
31680 6 20 New Leads 4834 Dwight It's empty!
31681 6 20 New Leads 4834 Michael Wait. What day is today?
31682 6 20 New Leads 4834 Kevin Um, tonight is Ghost Whisperer. So, Friday.
31683 6 20 New Leads 4834 Michael Oh my god. Oh my god oh my god, no, no no, hey, hey wait, wait!
31684 6 20 New Leads 4835 Michael Okay. You know what, let's just go to the dump, start looking - Ryan, c'mon, shotgun in my car -
31685 6 20 New Leads 4835 Phyllis Michael, why would we all go to the dump?
31686 6 20 New Leads 4835 Michael Why? Because I am not going to call Sabre and say, 'Hi, you know those very valuable expensive leads that you gave us earlier today? Well, because of a screw-up by a staff member, they're now in the city dump."
31687 6 20 New Leads 4835 Stanley Not your staff, Michael. You.
31688 6 20 New Leads 4835 Michael Well, that's not the way it's going t sound. Here's what we're going to do. We'll go to the dump, we'll look around, then we'll all go out and get pizza, maybe catch a movie, late-night drink, some more pizza, call it a night. What do you -
31689 6 20 New Leads 4835 Toby Does it have to be pizza? Could go for a, falafel?
31690 6 20 New Leads 4835 Michael Really?
31691 6 20 New Leads 4835 Angela I'm not going. You did this, not us.
31692 6 20 New Leads 4835 Michael Okay, no, you encouraged it. You were complicit Complicit. You were all successories!
31693 6 20 New Leads 4835 Darryl That sounds fun, mucking around in the dump. Wish I could go.
31694 6 20 New Leads 4835 Michael You can.
31695 6 20 New Leads 4835 Darryl I can't. You know that.
31696 6 20 New Leads 4835 Michael Okay fine, I get it. I'll just go by myself.
31697 6 20 New Leads 4835 Dwight I'll go, Michael. You'll just screw it up.
31698 6 20 New Leads 4836 Dwight This place has gone to hell.
31699 6 20 New Leads 4836 Michael You know, Dwight, there was a time when you'd be pinching yourself to have the opportunity to look through a dump with me.
31700 6 20 New Leads 4836 Dwight Yeah, well, the acorn becomes the oak.
31701 6 20 New Leads 4836 Michael Yeah. Sometimes the acorn just stays the acorn. If you don't believe me, look in my gutters.
31702 6 20 New Leads 4837 Kelly You're adorable. You need to go for it. I'm going to be, like, mad at you if you don't -
31703 6 20 New Leads 4837 Jim Phew! Can't wait for this day to be over.
31704 6 20 New Leads 4837 Kelly Why?
31705 6 20 New Leads 4837 Jim Just all the - drama.
31706 6 20 New Leads 4837 Kelly What drama?
31707 6 20 New Leads 4837 Jim Between the - us and you guys. It's unnecessary, right?
31708 6 20 New Leads 4837 Kelly So unnecessary.
31709 6 20 New Leads 4837 Jim Oh, good, phew, thank god you said that.
31710 6 20 New Leads 4837 Kelly I mean, if the salesmen weren't acting like such a bunch of stuck-up losers, then this day wouldn't be so bad - did you ever think of that?
31711 6 20 New Leads 4837 Jim I have new baby pictures.
31712 6 20 New Leads 4837 Kelly Don't use your cute baby to make us like you.
31713 6 20 New Leads 4837 Jim She's wearing a onesie
31714 6 20 New Leads 4838 Stanley If we act nice now, then we're rewarding them for treating us poorly.
31715 6 20 New Leads 4838 Jim Didn't we kind of start it?
31716 6 20 New Leads 4838 Phyllis I think you're remembering that wrong?
31717 6 20 New Leads 4838 Andy Yeah.
31718 6 20 New Leads 4838 Phyllis I don't know about this. I mean, I think we should hold our ground. The company's changed, and if they don't like it, they can leave. I mean, a lot of their work can be done from India.
31719 6 20 New Leads 4838 Jim Can we at least all agree that this is uncomfortable, and may be heading for something bad?
31720 6 20 New Leads 4838 Andy All those who agree, say aye All those opposed -
31721 6 20 New Leads 4838 Jim I don't think we need opposed.
31722 6 20 New Leads 4839 Michael You've changed, man.
31723 6 20 New Leads 4839 Dwight Oh, why, because I have a shot at a $100k commission?
31724 6 20 New Leads 4839 Michael Since when do you care about money? When I first met you, you were a wide-eyed innocent.
31725 6 20 New Leads 4839 Dwight Hey. There is nothing I can do about my wide-set eyes.
31726 6 20 New Leads 4839 Michael No, I'm talking about your personality, Dwight.
31727 6 20 New Leads 4839 Dwight When I first met you, I had a lot of job offers. And I had an offer from Ivan Schartsky. The Ivan Schartsky. And if I'd assistant managed him -
31728 6 20 New Leads 4839 Michael Assistant to the managed him -
31729 6 20 New Leads 4839 Dwight Oh, that's low! I would be number two right now at Home Depot!
31730 6 20 New Leads 4839 Michael Yeah.
31731 6 20 New Leads 4839 Dwight Okay? Because they promote from within. Instead I had to follow you - you, going nowhere.
31732 6 20 New Leads 4839 Michael You think you would have done better without me? Really?
31733 6 20 New Leads 4839 Dwight I hitched my wagon to a horse with no legs.
31734 6 20 New Leads 4839 Michael Wow. Ohhhkay. Man. When I think about all the time I wasted being your friend - I shouldn't have been hanging out watching karate movies with you -
31735 6 20 New Leads 4839 Dwight Kung-fu movies!
31736 6 20 New Leads 4839 Michael You know what, I should have been doing? I should have been out at bars, finding my soul-mate, finding my wife, making babies -
31737 6 20 New Leads 4839 Dwight Nice babies you're making with the floozies at the bars.
31738 6 20 New Leads 4839 Michael That's my wife you're talking about, man.
31739 6 20 New Leads 4839 Dwight Your made-up wife? Who doesn't exist? You watch it!
31740 6 20 New Leads 4839 Michael If I wanted to hit you, I would have hit you.
31741 6 20 New Leads 4839 Dwight Don't do it
31742 6 20 New Leads 4839 Michael No no. You just made an enemy with the wrong guy, Dwight. No, time out, time out. Time in!
31743 6 20 New Leads 4839 Dwight No!
31744 6 20 New Leads 4839 Michael Don't even think about that
31745 6 20 New Leads 4839 Dwight Stop it, get out! That's my spool.
31746 6 20 New Leads 4840 Phyllis What's the least we can do to make this okay?
31747 6 20 New Leads 4840 Jim I'll text Pam. She's really good at this stuff.
31748 6 20 New Leads 4840 Andy And I'll text Erin. She's really good at this stuff too.
31749 6 20 New Leads 4840 Phyllis I guess we could give them some of our new commissions.
31750 6 20 New Leads 4840 Stanley That is a dangerous precedent.
31751 6 20 New Leads 4840 Jim Pam texted back saying we could give them all iPods.
31752 6 20 New Leads 4840 Phyllis Oh, if they don't have an iPod by now they really don't want one.
31753 6 20 New Leads 4840 Jim Alright. Then we're back to cash. And I got to say, if giving a small percentage of our commissions is going to smooth all this over, I'm for it.
31754 6 20 New Leads 4840 Phyllis Okay, fine. Cash it is.
31755 6 20 New Leads 4840 Andy Erin just texted me back. 'People love shells from far-away beaches".
31756 6 20 New Leads 4841 Michael Okay, Dwight. Here we go oh god.
31757 6 20 New Leads 4841 Dwight Oh
31758 6 20 New Leads 4841 Michael We're never going to find those leads, are we?
31759 6 20 New Leads 4841 Dwight Wow. Amazing, isn't it. No other animal on earth could do this. Maybe beavers. But not like this.
31760 6 20 New Leads 4842 Phyllis So how about, guys, one percent commission a month instead of two, what do you -
31761 6 20 New Leads 4842 Jim No, we agreed, two percent for the quarter. Okay Hey everybody!
31762 6 20 New Leads 4842 Meredith Nice spread. We get it. You eat like royalty.
31763 6 20 New Leads 4842 Jim No, no - this is a representation of how we feel. And how we feel is: really sorry.
31764 6 20 New Leads 4842 Andy Yeah. We wanted to bring you in and make a peace offering.
31765 6 20 New Leads 4842 Phyllis Yeah, we wanted to do the right thing. So...
31766 6 20 New Leads 4842 Oscar Way to go, guys. This was an integrity move.
31767 6 20 New Leads 4842 Kevin Yeah. When we walked in here, we were all prepared to tell you to go to hell.
31768 6 20 New Leads 4842 Angela Do you have any pastries without fruit?
31769 6 20 New Leads 4842 Jim Yes! We do. Eclairs.
31770 6 20 New Leads 4842 Stanley Well, you better be happy, taking two percent of our -
31771 6 20 New Leads 4842 Jim #NAME?
31772 6 20 New Leads 4842 Phyllis Our treats, Stanley, they've accepted our simple offer of treats. Nothing more.
31773 6 20 New Leads 4842 Stanley This is - nice! All of us back together.
31774 6 20 New Leads 4843 Michael This Why would somebody throw that out?
31775 6 20 New Leads 4843 Dwight Hey You know who'd like this? Phyllis. Purple, much?
31776 6 20 New Leads 4843 Michael Yeah, she does - she loves purple. Does it stink?
31777 6 20 New Leads 4843 Dwight Yeah
31778 6 20 New Leads 4843 Michael Know what would be a great picture here? Just this whole dump, and in the middle, one flower. That's it. And the caption would read:
31779 6 20 New Leads 4843 Dwight Hope - grows.
31780 6 20 New Leads 4843 Michael In the dump.
31781 6 20 New Leads 4844 Dwight Woo hoo!
31782 6 20 New Leads 4844 Stanley Good news that you found our leads?
31783 6 20 New Leads 4844 Michael No! Better!
31784 6 20 New Leads 4844 Dwight We have an awesome bean bag chair that's perfect for the break room.
31785 6 20 New Leads 4844 Phyllis Yuck. I'm not going to sit on that disgusting seat.
31786 6 20 New Leads 4844 Dwight Yeah, damn right you're not. 'Cause it's for me and Michael only
31787 6 20 New Leads 4845 Andy It's freezing out here.
31788 6 20 New Leads 4845 Erin Go on. I have warm blood.
31789 6 20 New Leads 4845 Andy Oh wow, thank you. You're the nicest person I've ever met.
31790 6 21 Happy Hour 4846 Dwight ichael grunts and strains while doing push-ups] Breathe. Work your core. Come on.
31791 6 21 Happy Hour 4846 Michael w many is that?
31792 6 21 Happy Hour 4846 Dwight t counting the last one, 25.
31793 6 21 Happy Hour 4846 Michael unt the last one.
31794 6 21 Happy Hour 4846 Dwight , 25 and one girl push-up!
31795 6 21 Happy Hour 4846 Michael , new record!
31796 6 21 Happy Hour 4846 Dwight ay.
31797 6 21 Happy Hour 4846 Michael , what did you do today?
31798 6 21 Happy Hour 4846 Jim made a sale.
31799 6 21 Happy Hour 4846 Michael , yeah, sitting on your big fat butt. Alright, that is the number to beat.
31800 6 21 Happy Hour 4846 Meredith at do we get if we do 'em?
31801 6 21 Happy Hour 4846 Michael respect. Okay, I'll make it a little more interesting. Anyone who does more than 25 push-ups -
31802 6 21 Happy Hour 4846 Dwight d one girl push-up.
31803 6 21 Happy Hour 4846 Michael ts to go home. Ooh! I say 'dance,' they say 'how high?' Here we go. Oh, no. No, no, no. Butt to high. Disqualified!
31804 6 21 Happy Hour 4846 Angela !
31805 6 21 Happy Hour 4846 Michael at do we got? Creed, disqualified.
31806 6 21 Happy Hour 4846 Creed rom desk chair] Oh, come on!
31807 6 21 Happy Hour 4846 Jim . I had a really hard work out this morning.
31808 6 21 Happy Hour 4846 Michael tanley straining and breathing heavily] Oh, wow, that is adorable!
31809 6 21 Happy Hour 4846 Phyllis n...
31810 6 21 Happy Hour 4846 Michael ah, I'm betting one more.
31811 6 21 Happy Hour 4846 Phyllis even, wow!
31812 6 21 Happy Hour 4846 Michael od.
31813 6 21 Happy Hour 4846 Everyone hanting] Stan-ley! Stan-ley! Stan-ley...
31814 6 21 Happy Hour 4846 Michael right, alright.
31815 6 21 Happy Hour 4847 Oscar sentially, what we have here is one of those stories where a mother lifts a car to save her baby.
31816 6 21 Happy Hour 4848 Michael ll, it's not exactly fair. He's got all of his weight that's helping him go down.
31817 6 21 Happy Hour 4849 Dwight . Yeah! Come on, you can do it!
31818 6 21 Happy Hour 4849 Phyllis e more, one more!
31819 6 21 Happy Hour 4849 Oscar u okay? You okay, Stanley?
31820 6 21 Happy Hour 4849 Stanley cuse me.
31821 6 21 Happy Hour 4849 Jim w.
31822 6 21 Happy Hour 4850 Oscar y. Matt, right?
31823 6 21 Happy Hour 4850 Matt y, Oscar. You're here early.
31824 6 21 Happy Hour 4850 Oscar always come in at 7.
31825 6 21 Happy Hour 4850 Warehouse Guy , you don't.
31826 6 21 Happy Hour 4850 Oscar ll... Hey, uh, are you doing anything later tonight?
31827 6 21 Happy Hour 4850 Matt don't know. I'm free. If you hear of anything going on, let me know.
31828 6 21 Happy Hour 4850 Oscar ah.
31829 6 21 Happy Hour 4851 Oscar ah, we talked this morning and we talked at Christmas. So, a little momentum there. Just a couple of hours to kill before work.
31830 6 21 Happy Hour 4852 Darryl y, what's up?
31831 6 21 Happy Hour 4852 Oscar y, nice office.
31832 6 21 Happy Hour 4852 Darryl anks, it's cool. So...
31833 6 21 Happy Hour 4852 Oscar u know what we haven't done in a while? Happy hour. Upstairs, the warehouse, everybody just going out for a drink.
31834 6 21 Happy Hour 4852 Darryl s that ever happened? Ever?
31835 6 21 Happy Hour 4852 Oscar dn't we? I think we did.
31836 6 21 Happy Hour 4852 Darryl u want me to invite Matt?
31837 6 21 Happy Hour 4852 Oscar ah, the whole gang, Matt included.
31838 6 21 Happy Hour 4852 Darryl ok, just be straight with me, man. You can be gay with Matt, just be straight with me.
31839 6 21 Happy Hour 4852 Oscar happy hour.
31840 6 21 Happy Hour 4852 Darryl ppy hour. My pleasure.
31841 6 21 Happy Hour 4852 Oscar l right.
31842 6 21 Happy Hour 4853 Oscar what do you think?
31843 6 21 Happy Hour 4853 Phyllis mm, I saw a new drink on TV I'd like to try. I'll ask Bob.
31844 6 21 Happy Hour 4854 Phyllis ah, I love going to bars with Bob. I tend to wear something low-cut, get men to flirt with me, and Bob beats 'em up. What?
31845 6 21 Happy Hour 4855 Andy bunch of us are talking about happy hour.
31846 6 21 Happy Hour 4855 Jim would love, love, love to go. Only problem is, Pam's at home with the baby and I think she wants a night in.
31847 6 21 Happy Hour 4855 Andy , baloney.
31848 6 21 Happy Hour 4855 Jim od one.
31849 6 21 Happy Hour 4855 Andy ng her up.
31850 6 21 Happy Hour 4855 Jim solutely, I will do that right now.
31851 6 21 Happy Hour 4856 Jim gotta tell you, this baby is amazing. She gets me out of everything. And I - and I love her. I also love her, very much.
31852 6 21 Happy Hour 4857 Jim some of the co-workers were thinking of going out tonight, but I told them-
31853 6 21 Happy Hour 4857 Pam n phone] Yes! Yes! I would love to!
31854 6 21 Happy Hour 4857 Andy ! Knew it!
31855 6 21 Happy Hour 4858 Pam hrough phone] It's been so long since I've been with adults. I am so excited to see everybody. Creed, Ryan. Oh my God, Stanley! Stanley's going to be there. Yes, oh my God!
31856 6 21 Happy Hour 4858 Jim did not see this coming.
31857 6 21 Happy Hour 4859 Andy in, I need you to fax this and get me a confirmation, pronto. Are you going later?
31858 6 21 Happy Hour 4859 Erin re, if you are.
31859 6 21 Happy Hour 4859 Andy s.
31860 6 21 Happy Hour 4859 Erin lk to me that way again, and I'll cut your face off.
31861 6 21 Happy Hour 4859 Andy oa.
31862 6 21 Happy Hour 4860 Andy recently struck up a romantic relationship. And, um... but we're kinda keeping it quiet for now 'cause it's still kind of a new thing. It's a little delicate, and we just don't want all the drama.
31863 6 21 Happy Hour 4860 Erin actly.
31864 6 21 Happy Hour 4860 Andy ah, cause when everyone knows- That's actually pretty funny, but in general, you know.
31865 6 21 Happy Hour 4860 Erin iet.
31866 6 21 Happy Hour 4861 Andy y, boss man.
31867 6 21 Happy Hour 4861 Michael s?
31868 6 21 Happy Hour 4861 Andy bunch of us are going to get some drinks, you in?
31869 6 21 Happy Hour 4861 Michael dies and gentleman, it is quitting time.
31870 6 21 Happy Hour 4861 Andy m sorry, I meant later.
31871 6 21 Happy Hour 4861 Michael , yes. Sure.
31872 6 21 Happy Hour 4861 Andy r happy hour?
31873 6 21 Happy Hour 4861 Michael , I got that.
31874 6 21 Happy Hour 4861 Andy ying to get a head count.
31875 6 21 Happy Hour 4861 Michael am in.
31876 6 21 Happy Hour 4861 Andy l right, yes! It's a deal.
31877 6 21 Happy Hour 4861 Michael 's a deal.
31878 6 21 Happy Hour 4862 Pam , hey, I invited my friend Julie.
31879 6 21 Happy Hour 4862 Jim ay.
31880 6 21 Happy Hour 4862 Pam want her to meet Michael.
31881 6 21 Happy Hour 4862 Jim y?
31882 6 21 Happy Hour 4862 Pam ey're both single, I have a sense they might-
31883 6 21 Happy Hour 4862 Jim u've been gone for a long time.
31884 6 21 Happy Hour 4862 Pam is not that. Kevin! Oh!
31885 6 21 Happy Hour 4862 Kevin ah!
31886 6 21 Happy Hour 4862 Pam y, how are you?
31887 6 21 Happy Hour 4862 Kevin , I missed you so much.
31888 6 21 Happy Hour 4862 Pam !
31889 6 21 Happy Hour 4862 Kevin ah!
31890 6 21 Happy Hour 4862 Pam ah!
31891 6 21 Happy Hour 4862 Kevin aah!
31892 6 21 Happy Hour 4863 Kevin en a new mom hears a baby cry, her you-know-what's fill up with you-know-what, and then her shirt gets, you know... that would be funny.
31893 6 21 Happy Hour 4864 Michael , wow, I cannot believe this is happening. This is everything I dreamed. Oh, my God!
31894 6 21 Happy Hour 4864 Jim sy.
31895 6 21 Happy Hour 4864 Michael 's not a birthday, it's not a good-bye party...
31896 6 21 Happy Hour 4864 Jim , hey, Pam and I are gonna go play pool with one of her friends, and we need a fourth.
31897 6 21 Happy Hour 4864 Michael cks to be you.
31898 6 21 Happy Hour 4864 Jim uld you like to be our fourth?
31899 6 21 Happy Hour 4864 Michael at would be sublime.
31900 6 21 Happy Hour 4864 Jim l right.
31901 6 21 Happy Hour 4865 Darryl , the guy shows me the deck he's built. And I'm like, 'I'll call this a deck if it'll make you happy, but this is just a porch without a roof.' It was ridiculous man, it was like-you could maybe get two chairs on the thing. Two lawn chairs.
31902 6 21 Happy Hour 4866 Pam y, Michael.
31903 6 21 Happy Hour 4866 Michael s.
31904 6 21 Happy Hour 4866 Pam is is my friend Julie.
31905 6 21 Happy Hour 4866 Michael llo, how are you?
31906 6 21 Happy Hour 4866 Julie od. Hi.
31907 6 21 Happy Hour 4866 Michael at is a nice girl like you hanging out with these bums for?
31908 6 21 Happy Hour 4867 Pam lie laughs at everything.
31909 6 21 Happy Hour 4868 Julie you work with Pam and Jim?
31910 6 21 Happy Hour 4868 Michael , no, no. Pam and Jim work for me. And if they win, they are fired.
31911 6 21 Happy Hour 4868 Julie iggles] I should hope not.
31912 6 21 Happy Hour 4868 Michael . No, not really. Not really, but they better not win.
31913 6 21 Happy Hour 4868 Isabel y.
31914 6 21 Happy Hour 4868 Pam y, Isabel, you made it. Oh, my goodness.
31915 6 21 Happy Hour 4868 Isabel course.
31916 6 21 Happy Hour 4868 Pam u want to play pool?
31917 6 21 Happy Hour 4868 Isabel , I'm gonna do a lap. See if I know anyone.
31918 6 21 Happy Hour 4868 Pam .
31919 6 21 Happy Hour 4869 Angela d then they said the most ridiculous thing about Anderson Cooper, which I do not have the decency to repeat, but trust me when I tell you that-
31920 6 21 Happy Hour 4869 Dwight ld that thought. Well, well, well. If it isn't Isabel.
31921 6 21 Happy Hour 4869 Isabel #NAME?
31922 6 21 Happy Hour 4869 Dwight at's a girl like you doing in a place like this?
31923 6 21 Happy Hour 4869 Isabel girl like me is why a guy like you comes to a place like this.
31924 6 21 Happy Hour 4869 Dwight h, I love repartee.
31925 6 21 Happy Hour 4869 Isabel you?
31926 6 21 Happy Hour 4869 Dwight ually means there's a battle scene coming.
31927 6 21 Happy Hour 4870 Michael , what do you do?
31928 6 21 Happy Hour 4870 Julie am an ESL teacher.
31929 6 21 Happy Hour 4870 Michael ally?
31930 6 21 Happy Hour 4870 Julie ah.
31931 6 21 Happy Hour 4870 Michael e, I didn't think you could teach that. I thought that was something you were born with. What am I thinking right now?
31932 6 21 Happy Hour 4870 Julie e you thinking that I said 'ESP?'
31933 6 21 Happy Hour 4870 Michael s. I feel like an idiot. Awesome.
31934 6 21 Happy Hour 4871 Julie was a little nervous when Pam told me he was her boss, but he doesn't act like a boss at all. If I had a boss like that, we'd never get anything done.
31935 6 21 Happy Hour 4872 Jim what do you think?
31936 6 21 Happy Hour 4872 Michael out what?
31937 6 21 Happy Hour 4872 Jim out Julie?
31938 6 21 Happy Hour 4872 Michael e's nice.
31939 6 21 Happy Hour 4872 Jim ah.
31940 6 21 Happy Hour 4872 Michael ah.
31941 6 21 Happy Hour 4872 Jim you like her?
31942 6 21 Happy Hour 4872 Michael , yeah, sure.
31943 6 21 Happy Hour 4872 Jim Pam was right?
31944 6 21 Happy Hour 4872 Michael out what?
31945 6 21 Happy Hour 4872 Jim out you two hitting it off.
31946 6 21 Happy Hour 4873 Michael emoving tie] Well, apparently, Michael Scott is on a date. And that, that my friend, changes everything.
31947 6 21 Happy Hour 4874 Hide brother, good head, bad heart. Good head, bad heart.
31948 6 21 Happy Hour 4874 Oscar know.
31949 6 21 Happy Hour 4875 Pam y, Michael, where have you been?
31950 6 21 Happy Hour 4875 Jim y, you're supposed to hit the white ball first, buddy. Nice one. Can I talk to you for a sec? All right. Everything ok?
31951 6 21 Happy Hour 4875 Pam y are you wearing a hat now?
31952 6 21 Happy Hour 4875 Michael ys, come on, I'm on a date. Let me do my thang.
31953 6 21 Happy Hour 4876 Michael , I'm date Mike. Nice to meet me. How do you like your eggs in the morning?
31954 6 21 Happy Hour 4877 Jim u want to just make a run for it?
31955 6 21 Happy Hour 4877 Pam ybe.
31956 6 21 Happy Hour 4877 Kevin aaah! Waaaaah! Mommy!
31957 6 21 Happy Hour 4877 Jim at is happening?
31958 6 21 Happy Hour 4878 Andy oa! What is crackin?
31959 6 21 Happy Hour 4878 Ryan ys, one second.
31960 6 21 Happy Hour 4878 Kelly 're focusing, we're focusing, we can't talk.
31961 6 21 Happy Hour 4878 Erin at's this game?
31962 6 21 Happy Hour 4878 Ryan e second.
31963 6 21 Happy Hour 4878 Andy ah, how do you play?
31964 6 21 Happy Hour 4878 Ryan ys, guys, guys, please. Ok, all right, it's all yours now.
31965 6 21 Happy Hour 4878 Kelly ly three tickets.
31966 6 21 Happy Hour 4878 Ryan we save 'em up, we can get more than a sticker this time.
31967 6 21 Happy Hour 4878 Kelly op telling me how to spend my tickets.
31968 6 21 Happy Hour 4878 Ryan know, but you wanted the big thing.
31969 6 21 Happy Hour 4878 Andy w, can you imagine what people would say if they saw us dancing together?
31970 6 21 Happy Hour 4878 Erin I know.
31971 6 21 Happy Hour 4878 Andy ey'd be like, 'what's up with those two?'
31972 6 21 Happy Hour 4878 Erin ey, guys, get a bedroom already.'
31973 6 21 Happy Hour 4878 Andy id we miss the wedding?' Um, I got it-I'll do this, and you play the racing game, and then we'll switch.
31974 6 21 Happy Hour 4878 Erin s, okay. Yeah, that's smart.
31975 6 21 Happy Hour 4878 Andy drama. Ok.
31976 6 21 Happy Hour 4879 Isabel , air hockey, basketball, we could play that. Oh, whack-a-mole.
31977 6 21 Happy Hour 4879 Dwight y brothers or sisters?
31978 6 21 Happy Hour 4879 Isabel ree brothers.
31979 6 21 Happy Hour 4879 Dwight ally?
31980 6 21 Happy Hour 4879 Isabel o are in the Marines, one's a cop.
31981 6 21 Happy Hour 4879 Dwight getarian?
31982 6 21 Happy Hour 4879 Isabel . I love meat.
31983 6 21 Happy Hour 4879 Dwight at's your blood type?
31984 6 21 Happy Hour 4879 Isabel negative. Universal donor.
31985 6 21 Happy Hour 4879 Dwight iversal donor.
31986 6 21 Happy Hour 4880 Dwight gela versus Isabel. Height, advantage Isabel. Birthing hips, advantage Isabel. Remaining child-bearing years, advantage Isabel. Legal obligation, advantage Angela.
31987 6 21 Happy Hour 4881 Michael y, guys, guys, guys. Watch this. Ready?
31988 6 21 Happy Hour 4881 Julie at are you doing?
31989 6 21 Happy Hour 4881 Michael m tying a knot in the stem with my tongue.
31990 6 21 Happy Hour 4881 Jim chael, you don't have to do this.
31991 6 21 Happy Hour 4881 Michael hoking] Wow. Oh, wow, that was close.
31992 6 21 Happy Hour 4882 Michael would say I kind of have an unfair advantage because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.
31993 6 21 Happy Hour 4883 Phyllis y, you two having fun?
31994 6 21 Happy Hour 4883 Andy d you tell them?
31995 6 21 Happy Hour 4883 Erin .
31996 6 21 Happy Hour 4883 Andy is is exactly what I don't want, the drama. I don't want the drama!
31997 6 21 Happy Hour 4883 Erin get it.
31998 6 21 Happy Hour 4884 Isabel sabel and Dwight playing whack-a-mole] You are amazing at this. How did you get so good?
31999 6 21 Happy Hour 4884 Dwight acking moles. Hit 'em on the head. Whack. Say it with me.
32000 6 21 Happy Hour 4884 Isabel ack!
32001 6 21 Happy Hour 4884 Dwight tend the fingers more.
32002 6 21 Happy Hour 4884 Isabel ack!
32003 6 21 Happy Hour 4884 Dwight od.
32004 6 21 Happy Hour 4884 Angela is looks like a hoot.
32005 6 21 Happy Hour 4884 Dwight y, monkey, how you doing?
32006 6 21 Happy Hour 4884 Angela ack.
32007 6 21 Happy Hour 4884 Dwight sten, can I talk to you for a second?
32008 6 21 Happy Hour 4884 Angela ay.
32009 6 21 Happy Hour 4884 Dwight ok, I've been thinking. We had a good run. We really did. But you don't need to worry about this whole contract thing anymore.
32010 6 21 Happy Hour 4884 Angela 's no worry.
32011 6 21 Happy Hour 4884 Dwight 's just that we both-we want different things. You know, I want a big family.
32012 6 21 Happy Hour 4884 Angela could see enjoying that.
32013 6 21 Happy Hour 4884 Dwight , no, no, no. I want a big family. Tall. Thick. A big, physically big family. Listen, you go have fun. You're off the hook.
32014 6 21 Happy Hour 4884 Angela t we signed the contract.
32015 6 21 Happy Hour 4884 Dwight ssolved. Don't worry, you're free. Okay? Okay. See you later.
32016 6 21 Happy Hour 4884 Angela both-you didn't dup-
32017 6 21 Happy Hour 4885 Jim ichael playing air guitar on pool table] Wow. Maybe we should tell her that he's not normally like this.
32018 6 21 Happy Hour 4885 Pam ybe it should come from a man.
32019 6 21 Happy Hour 4885 Jim ybe it should come from a note... with flowers...tomorrow.
32020 6 21 Happy Hour 4885 Bar Manager llo.
32021 6 21 Happy Hour 4885 Michael llo.
32022 6 21 Happy Hour 4885 Bar Manager .
32023 6 21 Happy Hour 4885 Michael .
32024 6 21 Happy Hour 4885 Bar Manager u wanna pay 400 bucks to re-felt this table?
32025 6 21 Happy Hour 4885 Michael ah, why don't you send the bill to 23 I Don't Care Lane, Scranton, Pennsylvania?
32026 6 21 Happy Hour 4885 Pam y, Michael, why don't you just get down.
32027 6 21 Happy Hour 4885 Michael y, she can tell I'm on a date, right? Right? I'm just having fun.
32028 6 21 Happy Hour 4885 Bar Manager d, are we having fun?
32029 6 21 Happy Hour 4885 Michael ally? You told on me. That's lame.
32030 6 21 Happy Hour 4885 Bouncer got a problem?
32031 6 21 Happy Hour 4885 Michael s. Homelessness. What?
32032 6 21 Happy Hour 4885 Bar Manager l right, go.
32033 6 21 Happy Hour 4885 Michael ere?
32034 6 21 Happy Hour 4885 Bar Manager t out. Now.
32035 6 21 Happy Hour 4885 Michael ay, all right. Okay, whoa. I'm just kidding around. I'm sorry.
32036 6 21 Happy Hour 4885 Pam , um, why don't we just finish the game? Michael, it's your shot.
32037 6 21 Happy Hour 4885 Michael e can't talk to us that way.
32038 6 21 Happy Hour 4885 Pam u guys are stripes, I think...
32039 6 21 Happy Hour 4885 Michael u let somebody talk to you like that, where does it stop?
32040 6 21 Happy Hour 4885 Jim stopped.
32041 6 21 Happy Hour 4885 Michael ll, I am starting it again!
32042 6 21 Happy Hour 4885 Pam you guys want some food? The wings are really good here.
32043 6 21 Happy Hour 4886 Michael y, you embarrassed my friends in front of me and I'm gonna need you to go back over to the table and apologize.
32044 6 21 Happy Hour 4886 Bar Manager en I am sorry that I didn't kick you out.
32045 6 21 Happy Hour 4886 Michael am here with my employees. I am here on a date. Hello.
32046 6 21 Happy Hour 4886 Bar Manager ll, uh, I'm the manager here, sir.
32047 6 21 Happy Hour 4886 Michael ll, it just so happens that I am a manager too. And the way I manage people is that I touch their hearts and souls with humor, with love and maybe a dash of razzle-dazzle. And I don't see that from you.
32048 6 21 Happy Hour 4886 Bar Manager that how you do it?
32049 6 21 Happy Hour 4886 Michael s it is. I am writing a book about it.
32050 6 21 Happy Hour 4886 Bar Manager ally? How much have you written?
32051 6 21 Happy Hour 4886 Michael ve written all of it... in my head.
32052 6 21 Happy Hour 4886 Bar Manager .
32053 6 21 Happy Hour 4886 Michael you're really interested, it's called 'Somehow I Manage' and there's going to be a picture of me on the cover, shrugging, with my sleeves rolled up.
32054 6 21 Happy Hour 4886 Bar Manager h. Have you read Lee Iacocca's? It's a classic.
32055 6 21 Happy Hour 4886 Michael ad it? I own it. But no, I have not read it.
32056 6 21 Happy Hour 4886 Bar Manager de, tonight! You're not going to want to put it down. It's gonna make you want to go out and buy a Chrysler tomorrow.
32057 6 21 Happy Hour 4886 Michael own a Chrysler.
32058 6 21 Happy Hour 4886 Bar Manager ut up.
32059 6 21 Happy Hour 4886 Michael , you shut up.
32060 6 21 Happy Hour 4886 Bar Manager at's your drink?
32061 6 21 Happy Hour 4886 Michael enadine.
32062 6 21 Happy Hour 4886 Bar Manager at?
32063 6 21 Happy Hour 4887 Andy just have to throw everyone off the scent a little, so follow my lead.
32064 6 21 Happy Hour 4887 Erin ay.
32065 6 21 Happy Hour 4887 Andy ndy sits at table with another woman] Hi.
32066 6 21 Happy Hour 4887 Girl at table .
32067 6 21 Happy Hour 4887 Andy don't normally do this, but...
32068 6 21 Happy Hour 4887 Girl at table what?
32069 6 21 Happy Hour 4887 Andy st sit down next to a beautiful woman and start talking to myself to confuse other people.
32070 6 21 Happy Hour 4887 Erin rin sits with man, rubs her hand on his thigh] Hey, big boy. Do you like it when I do that?
32071 6 21 Happy Hour 4887 Andy ndy spits out his drink] What are you doing?
32072 6 21 Happy Hour 4887 Erin at we said to do.
32073 6 21 Happy Hour 4887 Andy didn't say we were gonna, like, start groping strangers!
32074 6 21 Happy Hour 4887 Erin was flirting with a man.
32075 6 21 Happy Hour 4887 Andy t in here. Where did you learn to talk like that?
32076 6 21 Happy Hour 4887 Erin e movies. I don't know.
32077 6 21 Happy Hour 4887 Andy ll, what movie? Black Snake Moan?
32078 6 21 Happy Hour 4888 Michael manage a paper company-Dunder Mifflin/Sabre.
32079 6 21 Happy Hour 4888 Bar Manager u have a card?
32080 6 21 Happy Hour 4888 Michael did. I actually put it in your bowl.
32081 6 21 Happy Hour 4888 Bar Manager anley Hudson?
32082 6 21 Happy Hour 4888 Michael , no.
32083 6 21 Happy Hour 4888 Bar Manager oa, a lot of Stanley Hudson's in here.
32084 6 21 Happy Hour 4888 Michael , it's Michael Scott.
32085 6 21 Happy Hour 4888 Bar Manager chael Scott?
32086 6 21 Happy Hour 4888 Michael is I.
32087 6 21 Happy Hour 4888 Bar Manager u just won yourself a lunch.
32088 6 21 Happy Hour 4888 Michael , hey guys.
32089 6 21 Happy Hour 4889 Julie think I'm gonna go.
32090 6 21 Happy Hour 4889 Pam ally?
32091 6 21 Happy Hour 4889 Julie ah.
32092 6 21 Happy Hour 4889 Pam m sorry, he's not usually like that.
32093 6 21 Happy Hour 4889 Julie at's he usually like?
32094 6 21 Happy Hour 4889 Pam 's more, just... like... you can go.
32095 6 21 Happy Hour 4889 Julie ah.
32096 6 21 Happy Hour 4889 Jim l right.
32097 6 21 Happy Hour 4889 Pam ay. Bye.
32098 6 21 Happy Hour 4889 Jim e ya. Nice girl.
32099 6 21 Happy Hour 4889 Pam ah.
32100 6 21 Happy Hour 4890 Michael y, Julie! You having fun?
32101 6 21 Happy Hour 4890 Bar Manager ... when are you coming in for that free lunch? You're gonna want to come in on a day that I'm working. Uh, maybe I can hear more about that book, too.
32102 6 21 Happy Hour 4891 Darryl y, man, you put together a pretty fun night for everybody. I saw you talking to Hide. Did you hear that dude's life story? It's amazing, right?
32103 6 21 Happy Hour 4891 Oscar couldn't understand a word he said.
32104 6 21 Happy Hour 4891 Darryl t me tell you something, Oscar. All right, Matt's an okay dude, but he's a dummy. You guys got nothing in common.
32105 6 21 Happy Hour 4891 Oscar ybe you're right. I should count myself lucky.
32106 6 21 Happy Hour 4891 Matt y, what's up?
32107 6 21 Happy Hour 4891 Oscar ere he is! Hey, hey, hey.
32108 6 21 Happy Hour 4891 Matt yone up for some hoops?
32109 6 21 Happy Hour 4891 Oscar re. Hoops!
32110 6 21 Happy Hour 4891 Matt t's do it.
32111 6 21 Happy Hour 4891 Oscar op it up, right.
32112 6 21 Happy Hour 4892 Andy is is not what I want my relationship to look like.
32113 6 21 Happy Hour 4893 Andy ver PA] Hi, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Andrew Bernard, and I've been on two dates with Erin Hannon and they went well, and there will probably be more. Thank you.
32114 6 21 Happy Hour 4894 Andy u know, it got to the point where keeping it a secret was just too much drama. And I hate drama, so there you go.
32115 6 21 Happy Hour 4894 Erin aughs] You love drama.
32116 6 21 Happy Hour 4894 Andy know, I do, right? I'm a total drama queen.
32117 6 21 Happy Hour 4895 Dwight th this move, he can't get you.
32118 6 21 Happy Hour 4895 Isabel ll, I think that he could counter that move. The Scranton strangler is a professional strangler.
32119 6 21 Happy Hour 4895 Dwight , please. I wish he'd come after me. I would be like-aaah!
32120 6 21 Happy Hour 4895 Angela ight Schrute! Dwight Kurt Schrute.
32121 6 21 Happy Hour 4895 Dwight #NAME?
32122 6 21 Happy Hour 4895 Angela u are hereby served with a summons to appear in Lackawanna county court.
32123 6 21 Happy Hour 4895 Dwight , no, no. Blah blah blah blah!
32124 6 21 Happy Hour 4895 Angela r breach of contract with Angela Noelle Martin.
32125 6 21 Happy Hour 4895 Isabel at are you talking about?
32126 6 21 Happy Hour 4895 Dwight at are you-
32127 6 21 Happy Hour 4895 Angela ight recently entered into a contract with me, establishing intent to conceive and raise a child with me.
32128 6 21 Happy Hour 4895 Dwight gela...
32129 6 21 Happy Hour 4895 Angela d he not tell you that?
32130 6 21 Happy Hour 4895 Dwight u're really putting me in an awkward position here.
32131 6 21 Happy Hour 4895 Angela you plan on raising a child with me? Or do you plan on breaking this contract?
32132 6 21 Happy Hour 4895 Dwight gela, not here!
32133 6 21 Happy Hour 4895 Angela ight?
32134 6 21 Happy Hour 4895 Isabel ack!
32135 6 21 Happy Hour 4895 Angela u'll see me in small claims court!
32136 6 21 Happy Hour 4895 Dwight u are an impressive specimen.
32137 6 21 Happy Hour 4895 Isabel ank you.
32138 6 21 Happy Hour 4896 Kelly rying] Then, I spilled my drink, and they wouldn't give me a refill.
32139 6 21 Happy Hour 4896 Pam #NAME?
32140 6 21 Happy Hour 4896 Jim u all right?
32141 6 21 Happy Hour 4896 Pam ay, we have to get home.
32142 6 21 Happy Hour 4896 Kevin ah!
32143 6 21 Happy Hour 4896 Michael lperts, wait up. Oh, what a great night. Got to hang out with my peeps. Sort of did okay with a new young lady.
32144 6 21 Happy Hour 4896 Jim tually, you didn't.
32145 6 21 Happy Hour 4896 Pam t at all.
32146 6 21 Happy Hour 4896 Michael think I did. But I can't take all of the credit. Some of the credit is due, in fact, to my good friend, Date Mike. Nice to meet me.
32147 6 21 Happy Hour 4897 Darryl ll 'em your story, Hide.
32148 6 21 Happy Hour 4897 Hide Japan, heart surgeon. Number one. Steady hand. One day, yakuza boss need new heart. I do operation. But, mistake! Yakuza boss die. Yakuza very mad. I hide in fishing boat, come to America. No English, no food, no money. Darryl give me job. Now I have house, American car, and new woman. Darryl save life. My big secret: I kill yakuza boss on purpose. I good surgeon. The best!
32149 6 22 Secretary's Day 4898 Cookie Monster Oscar, Toby said he left my Girl Scout cookies on my chair. Have you seen them? Wait I'm sitting on them.
32150 6 22 Secretary's Day 4898 Andy This is awesome!
32151 6 22 Secretary's Day 4898 Oscar Thank you. It didn't even take that long.
32152 6 22 Secretary's Day 4898 Cookie Monster What's the difference between a chimichanga, a chalupa, and a tostada? Call me back ASAP. It's urgent.
32153 6 22 Secretary's Day 4898 Kevin This isn't funny. I don't talk like that.
32154 6 22 Secretary's Day 4898 Phyllis Say "Me eat cookie."
32155 6 22 Secretary's Day 4898 Kevin No. I won't say it.
32156 6 22 Secretary's Day 4898 Dwight Why is everyone clumped around accounting? Break it up, you clique.
32157 6 22 Secretary's Day 4898 Ryan It's Kevin as Cookie monster from Sesame Street.
32158 6 22 Secretary's Day 4898 Dwight Is that the program where all those puppets live in the barrio?
32159 6 22 Secretary's Day 4898 Phyllis Mm-hmm.
32160 6 22 Secretary's Day 4898 Dwight I love that show.
32161 6 22 Secretary's Day 4898 Cookie Monster This is Kevin. This is Kevin.
32162 6 22 Secretary's Day 4898 Ryan Good work, buddy.
32163 6 22 Secretary's Day 4898 Oscar Thank you.
32164 6 22 Secretary's Day 4898 Dwight That is an amusing link. I'd like it sent to me, please.
32165 6 22 Secretary's Day 4898 Oscar Yes.
32166 6 22 Secretary's Day 4898 Kelly Me, too Oscar.
32167 6 22 Secretary's Day 4898 Ryan C.C. me
32168 6 22 Secretary's Day 4898 Kevin Angela, this is inappropriate.
32169 6 22 Secretary's Day 4898 Angela This is my favorite day.
32170 6 22 Secretary's Day 4899 Andy It's Secretary's Day. And it is Erin's and my three-week anniversary. So perfect storm for a romantic gesture. . Want to make sure the whole office remembers it's Secretary's Day. I sent an e-mail blast, a text blast, a good, old-fashioned talk blast. I sent a snail mail blast a week ago. And a Stern reminder via fax at 7:00 this morning, so people better step up and appreciate the crap out of Erin.
32171 6 22 Secretary's Day 4900 Meredith Here you go.
32172 6 22 Secretary's Day 4900 Erin Oh, thank you.
32173 6 22 Secretary's Day 4900 Andy I do.
32174 6 22 Secretary's Day 4900 Erin Thank you.
32175 6 22 Secretary's Day 4901 Andy If it wasn't for secretaries, I wouldn't have a stepmom.
32176 6 22 Secretary's Day 4902 Erin Welcome back!
32177 6 22 Secretary's Day 4902 Pam Hey, thanks.
32178 6 22 Secretary's Day 4903 Pam It's my first day back after maternity leave. And I miss Cece, of course. But we need the money. What was maternity leave like? Oh, how do I explain it?... It rocked. It rocked my ass off.
32179 6 22 Secretary's Day 4904 Pam Oh. You couldn't have watered it?
32180 6 22 Secretary's Day 4904 Jim I literally did not know that existed until this moment.
32181 6 22 Secretary's Day 4904 Dwight Well, I knew it existed, and I chose to let it die.
32182 6 22 Secretary's Day 4904 Pam It's nice to see you again, Dwight.
32183 6 22 Secretary's Day 4904 Dwight Hello, Pam.
32184 6 22 Secretary's Day 4905 Andy I was just wondering what you had planned for Secretary's Day.
32185 6 22 Secretary's Day 4905 Michael I'm going to give Erin $15.
32186 6 22 Secretary's Day 4905 Erin I know that Erin would be so psyched if you took her out to lunch.
32187 6 22 Secretary's Day 4905 Michael A one-on-one lunch with Erin?
32188 6 22 Secretary's Day 4905 Andy Yeah. She really looks up to you. And there's only so much we can do as her coworkers. Secretary's Day is really kind of a boss-secretary thing. .
32189 6 22 Secretary's Day 4905 Michael She's kind of a rube.
32190 6 22 Secretary's Day 4905 Andy That's my girlfriend you're talking about.
32191 6 22 Secretary's Day 4905 Michael Okay. All right. All right. Okay. I'll take her to lunch.
32192 6 22 Secretary's Day 4905 Andy She's gonna be so psyched.
32193 6 22 Secretary's Day 4906 Michael Hi, Erin. Happy Secretary's Day.
32194 6 22 Secretary's Day 4906 Erin Well, happy Boss's day. There wouldn't be a secretary if there was no boss.
32195 6 22 Secretary's Day 4906 Michael I wanted to know what your plans for lunch were because I was hoping to ask you to... lunch.
32196 6 22 Secretary's Day 4906 Erin I got a picture of you asking me to lunch. I was thinking we could go to Hayworth's.
32197 6 22 Secretary's Day 4906 Michael Ugh.
32198 6 22 Secretary's Day 4906 Erin Just the two of us.
32199 6 22 Secretary's Day 4906 Michael Well, Hayworth's is more business casual, and they always screw up your order. So I'm...
32200 6 22 Secretary's Day 4906 Erin Yeah, okay. Yeah that was a stupid suggestion. I was thinking someplace special, so I though Hayworth's, but...
32201 6 22 Secretary's Day 4906 Michael Okay, well, we'll figure something.
32202 6 22 Secretary's Day 4906 Erin Oh.
32203 6 22 Secretary's Day 4906 Michael Okay, let's go to Hayworth's.
32204 6 22 Secretary's Day 4906 Erin Okay.
32205 6 22 Secretary's Day 4906 Michael All right.
32206 6 22 Secretary's Day 4907 Meredith Have a cookie, Kev.
32207 6 22 Secretary's Day 4907 Kevin Yeah, haha. Tray of cookies. I'm not falling for that.
32208 6 22 Secretary's Day 4907 Darryl I brought those in. It's my birthday. That's some stone-cold narcissism right there.
32209 6 22 Secretary's Day 4907 Kevin Man, Darryl, I'm sorry. Happy Birthday.
32210 6 22 Secretary's Day 4907 Darryl Thank you.
32211 6 22 Secretary's Day 4907 Darryl Yum, Yum, Yum, Yum, Yum, Yum.
32212 6 22 Secretary's Day 4908 Kevin They're making fun of Cookie Monster. I get that. But in a strange way, it feels like they're making fun of me.
32213 6 22 Secretary's Day 4909 Kevin Oscar, did you eat some of my M&M's? The level...
32214 6 22 Secretary's Day 4909 Gabe This is violent and offensive.
32215 6 22 Secretary's Day 4909 Kevin Thank you. It really makes me self-conscious about my voice.
32216 6 22 Secretary's Day 4909 Gabe It's awful.
32217 6 22 Secretary's Day 4909 Kevin I'm not crying.
32218 6 22 Secretary's Day 4909 Gabe You have some food on your face.
32219 6 22 Secretary's Day 4909 Kevin Do my hands feel sweaty to you?
32220 6 22 Secretary's Day 4910 Gabe The beginning here has been a little bit of a fiasco. Either they don't respect me or they respect me too much. And some of them still think that I'm the I.T. guy. This Cookie Monster thing is an opportunity to show people that I'm an authority figure.
32221 6 22 Secretary's Day 4911 Gabe Hello, everyone. If I might have a moment of your time. It's come to my attention that people have been watching and laughing at a hurtful parody video. It is now forbidden to talk, joke about, or e-mail this around.
32222 6 22 Secretary's Day 4911 Kevin Yeah.
32223 6 22 Secretary's Day 4911 Gabe And that's straight from corporate. So not to be scary, but yeah, I would listen to me. And that's all. Ciao.
32224 6 22 Secretary's Day 4912 Michael Would you mind if I listen to my book on tape? I'm kind of a bookworm. This is the novelization of the movie Precious based on the book Push by Sapphire.
32225 6 22 Secretary's Day 4912 Erin I was thinking it would be fun to talk on the way over. So what decade would you have chosen to be a teenager?
32226 6 22 Secretary's Day 4912 Michael I don't know.
32227 6 22 Secretary's Day 4912 Erin I would have chosen the 1490's.
32228 6 22 Secretary's Day 4912 Michael Ahhh.
32229 6 22 Secretary's Day 4912 Erin 'Cause America was discovered.
32230 6 22 Secretary's Day 4912 Michael Right.
32231 6 22 Secretary's Day 4913 Erin And then my last job was at a Taco Bell express. But then it became a full Taco Bell, and I don't know, I couldn't keep up. My favorite part about being a receptionist is that I get to have my own desk. In my Foster home I never had a desk. . So it's like... I don't mean that I didn't like my foster home. I did like it. I just didn't have a desk there. Did you have a favorite age? Or month?
32232 6 22 Secretary's Day 4913 Michael An age or month?
32233 6 22 Secretary's Day 4913 Erin Yeah, like a favorite month. Like I like April when I was seven.
32234 6 22 Secretary's Day 4914 Michael I've been trying. I've been trying to keep it going. Erin is just weird.
32235 6 22 Secretary's Day 4915 Erin How many pillows do you sleep on at night?
32236 6 22 Secretary's Day 4915 Michael So how are things going with Andy?
32237 6 22 Secretary's Day 4915 Erin He's the best boyfriend in the world. Tell me about him before I met him.
32238 6 22 Secretary's Day 4915 Michael Well, let's see. Um... Andy. Plays the banjo.
32239 6 22 Secretary's Day 4915 Erin Yeah I love that.
32240 6 22 Secretary's Day 4915 Michael Other than the fact that he dated Angela, I don't think he is a snappy dresser.
32241 6 22 Secretary's Day 4915 Erin What?
32242 6 22 Secretary's Day 4915 Michael I don't think he is the best dresser. Reminds me of Easter.
32243 6 22 Secretary's Day 4915 Erin Sorry. About Angela? Did you say he dated Angela?
32244 6 22 Secretary's Day 4915 Michael Mm-hmm. You didn't know that? Oh.
32245 6 22 Secretary's Day 4915 Hayworth's waiter Here we go. Hot plate.
32246 6 22 Secretary's Day 4915 Michael Okay.
32247 6 22 Secretary's Day 4915 Hayworth's waiter And your salad, miss.
32248 6 22 Secretary's Day 4915 Erin Why wouldn't he tell me that?
32249 6 22 Secretary's Day 4915 Michael I don't know. Probably didn't want you to have a mental image of him having s*x with somebody else.
32250 6 22 Secretary's Day 4915 Erin They had s*x?
32251 6 22 Secretary's Day 4915 Michael They were engaged, so... Okay, you know what, sir?
32252 6 22 Secretary's Day 4915 Hayworth's waiter Yes?
32253 6 22 Secretary's Day 4915 Michael Yeah, I asked for pickles with my burger. And there are only, like five or six. Could I get some more pickles?
32254 6 22 Secretary's Day 4915 Hayworth's waiter Of course. I'll get you a bowl of pickles.
32255 6 22 Secretary's Day 4915 Michael Thank you.
32256 6 22 Secretary's Day 4915 Erin Uhhhh, they were engaged?
32257 6 22 Secretary's Day 4915 Michael Mm-hmm. Yeah.
32258 6 22 Secretary's Day 4915 Erin Uh-oh...
32259 6 22 Secretary's Day 4915 Michael Well...
32260 6 22 Secretary's Day 4915 Michael What are you doing? What are you doing?
32261 6 22 Secretary's Day 4915 Erin In the Foster home, my hair was my room.
32262 6 22 Secretary's Day 4915 Michael Okay, okay. You know what? You know what? You know what? Everybody's looking at you right now.
32263 6 22 Secretary's Day 4915 Michael I'll have what she's having!
32264 6 22 Secretary's Day 4916 Michael Did you have a... did you like your lunch? Did you have a good lunch? Did you like that? Did you enjoy your food? It was good. I liked my lunch.
32265 6 22 Secretary's Day 4917 Pam Ooh. Ah-ah-ah. Ha-ha.
32266 6 22 Secretary's Day 4917 Jim What's up?
32267 6 22 Secretary's Day 4917 Dwight Her milk is coming in. She's getting uncomfortable.
32268 6 22 Secretary's Day 4917 Jim Dwight, don't be gross.
32269 6 22 Secretary's Day 4917 Pam No, no, he's right.
32270 6 22 Secretary's Day 4917 Dwight Same thing happens with my cows if I don't tend them frequently enough. You gotta milk them, or else they'll moo like crazy.
32271 6 22 Secretary's Day 4917 Pam That's weird, my breast pump is missing. Have you seen my breast pump?
32272 6 22 Secretary's Day 4917 Dwight All right, this is gonna traumatize me a hell of a lot more than you, believe me.
32273 6 22 Secretary's Day 4917 Pam You know what, Dwight? Let me just check the bathroom first. Okay?
32274 6 22 Secretary's Day 4917 Dwight Really? Fine. Let your breasts explode. Three squeezes and I would drain you.
32275 6 22 Secretary's Day 4917 Pam Mm. Meredith!
32276 6 22 Secretary's Day 4917 Meredith I just like the way it feels.
32277 6 22 Secretary's Day 4917 Pam What are you doing?!
32278 6 22 Secretary's Day 4917 Meredith Just relax. Okay.
32279 6 22 Secretary's Day 4917 Pam Relax?!
32280 6 22 Secretary's Day 4917 Meredith This is like the Cadillac of pumps.
32281 6 22 Secretary's Day 4917 Pam Give it back to me now.
32282 6 22 Secretary's Day 4917 Meredith Okay, I was just warming it up.
32283 6 22 Secretary's Day 4917 Pam It's disgusting!
32284 6 22 Secretary's Day 4917 Meredith It's not a big deal.
32285 6 22 Secretary's Day 4917 Pam It's not sterile!
32286 6 22 Secretary's Day 4917 Meredith We're both girls. Who cares?
32287 6 22 Secretary's Day 4918 Andy So... how was lunch?
32288 6 22 Secretary's Day 4918 Erin Lunch was fine.
32289 6 22 Secretary's Day 4918 Andy Was it everything that you hoped and dreamed it might be?
32290 6 22 Secretary's Day 4918 Erin I don't know. It was lunch, Andy.
32291 6 22 Secretary's Day 4918 Andy Well, I know. Just want... I mean...
32292 6 22 Secretary's Day 4918 Oscar Erin? I think we're out of fax cover sheets.
32293 6 22 Secretary's Day 4918 Erin God, Oscar, will you keep your pants on? It's easy.
32294 6 22 Secretary's Day 4919 Kelly "My name is Kevin, I'm an accountant." See I did the voice.
32295 6 22 Secretary's Day 4919 Ryan That's a little derivative.
32296 6 22 Secretary's Day 4919 Kelly But parody is always derivative.
32297 6 22 Secretary's Day 4919 Ryan Uh, it's not organic. Do you know what I mean?
32298 6 22 Secretary's Day 4919 Pam Jim does a really good one. Do yours.
32299 6 22 Secretary's Day 4919 Jim Oh, guys. I really refuse to participate. "Michael, can I have an advance on my paycheck because a Mrs. Fields Cookie just opened up at the mall."
32300 6 22 Secretary's Day 4919 Gabe Guys, why don't we leave the parodies to the pros at Mad TV?
32301 6 22 Secretary's Day 4919 Jim "Sorry, Gabe, but that show hasn't been on in many cookies."
32302 6 22 Secretary's Day 4919 Gabe Ok.
32303 6 22 Secretary's Day 4919 Andy Hey. Can I have your attention please? First of all, thanks to everyone for helping put this awesome party together. And a very special shout-out to the chair of the Party Planning Committee, miss Angela Martin. You have outdone yourself.
32304 6 22 Secretary's Day 4919 Michael You know what, I think we can all agree that Angela's not so great, so..
32305 6 22 Secretary's Day 4919 Andy I am saying the exact opposite. Angela is fantastic.
32306 6 22 Secretary's Day 4919 Michael No. No. No.
32307 6 22 Secretary's Day 4919 Andy Specific shout-out..
32308 6 22 Secretary's Day 4919 Michael Stop talking.
32309 6 22 Secretary's Day 4919 Andy Ok. As some of you may know, I have a very special connection with Secretary's Day in the form of that 115 pound moonbeam over there named Erin Hannon. To a lot of you she may just be the person who brings you your fax comformations. But to me, she is my girlfriend... in addition to being the person who brings me my fax comformations. So I wrote a little ditty. That I would like to play for all of you right now. It's a little tune called Secretary of Love. A one, a two, a one, two, three..
32310 6 22 Secretary's Day 4919 Erin I know about Angela! I know that you were engaged to her and that you were sleeping with her! Michael told me.
32311 6 22 Secretary's Day 4919 Michael Oh God.
32312 6 22 Secretary's Day 4919 Andy Can we talk about this in private?
32313 6 22 Secretary's Day 4919 Erin I don't want to be in private. Is it true or is it not?
32314 6 22 Secretary's Day 4919 Andy Yes.
32315 6 22 Secretary's Day 4919 Erin Who else did you sleep with? Did you sleep with Phyllis or Kelly or Pam? Maybe all together?
32316 6 22 Secretary's Day 4919 Pam No, no never.
32317 6 22 Secretary's Day 4919 Erin Did everyone know? Was I the only one who didn't know?
32318 6 22 Secretary's Day 4919 Dwight Yeah pretty much.
32319 6 22 Secretary's Day 4919 Erin Who are you?! I don't know you!
32320 6 22 Secretary's Day 4920 Gabe I should probably get involved in this, but I think my energy is better spent on the Cookie Monster issue.
32321 6 22 Secretary's Day 4921 Kevin Erin, you know, if I had been engaged to anyone before you, I would've told you.
32322 6 22 Secretary's Day 4921 Erin Thanks.
32323 6 22 Secretary's Day 4921 Kevin So if you need anything, I'm right over there.
32324 6 22 Secretary's Day 4921 Pam "Hey, Erin, You look delicious. I mean, beautiful."
32325 6 22 Secretary's Day 4921 Gabe Ok. Ok there. I heard that. So I'm sorry, Pam, but that's it. I'm going to have to suspend you without pay for two days.
32326 6 22 Secretary's Day 4921 Pam What? What do you mean, suspend me?
32327 6 22 Secretary's Day 4921 Jim I think you need to go a little easy. You can't just suspend someone form work.
32328 6 22 Secretary's Day 4921 Gabe Yeah, you're right. You know what? Um, you're suspended too Jim. Ok fine. You too Dwight.
32329 6 22 Secretary's Day 4921 Dwight Wait, What? I was just slow-clapping your no-nonsense decision-making.
32330 6 22 Secretary's Day 4921 Gabe I don't want to hear it. Suspended.
32331 6 22 Secretary's Day 4921 Kevin "C" is for suspension.
32332 6 22 Secretary's Day 4922 Andy Why would that be something to talk about on Secretary's Day?
32333 6 22 Secretary's Day 4922 Michael Andy, she's not the easiest person in the world to have a conversation with. All right? And besides, who doesn't tell their girlfriend that they were engaged to someone who works four feet away from them? That's like.. that's like Mr. and Mrs. Smith crap.
32334 6 22 Secretary's Day 4922 Andy I was going to tell her, just on my own time.
32335 6 22 Secretary's Day 4922 Michael You know what, I resent the implication that I would keep that secret. Everyone here knows that I can't and won't keep a secret.
32336 6 22 Secretary's Day 4923 Andy Who cares? I mean it's not like I killed someone. Big deal right? This can blow over in two seconds. She never asked me. So, if you think about it... I probably should have told her I guess. Everybody does stupid things.
32337 6 22 Secretary's Day 4924 Angela Psst. Hey. Erin.
32338 6 22 Secretary's Day 4924 Erin You want to talk to me, come to my desk.
32339 6 22 Secretary's Day 4924 Angela You embarrassed me earlier.
32340 6 22 Secretary's Day 4924 Erin Oh. Take it up with the chief of police.
32341 6 22 Secretary's Day 4924 Angela You think I want people remembering I had sensual relations with Andy? It's the kind of thing you wish you could have annulled. I want to throw up just thinking about it.
32342 6 22 Secretary's Day 4924 Erin I want to throw up just thinking about it.
32343 6 22 Secretary's Day 4924 Angela You are throwing up for the wrong reasons!
32344 6 22 Secretary's Day 4924 Toby I don't think this fax is going through. Is there a different... I can just put it through again, you know.
32345 6 22 Secretary's Day 4925 Pam Hey. You know I was engaged before Jim.
32346 6 22 Secretary's Day 4925 Erin Really?
32347 6 22 Secretary's Day 4925 Pam Yeah. And he worked here too.
32348 6 22 Secretary's Day 4925 Erin It was Andy, wasn't it?
32349 6 22 Secretary's Day 4925 Pam No, no it wasn't Andy. It wasn't. It doesn't matter. It's not about who you've been with. It's about who you end up with. Sometimes the heart doesn't know what it wants until it finds what it wants.
32350 6 22 Secretary's Day 4925 Erin I hope you find what you're looking for.
32351 6 22 Secretary's Day 4925 Pam Thank you.
32352 6 22 Secretary's Day 4926 Gabe So I can reprimand them but I can't suspend them. Oh I can't do either. Uh huh. Fair enough.
32353 6 22 Secretary's Day 4927 Pam Hey Toby.
32354 6 22 Secretary's Day 4927 Toby I called Tallahassee. He can ask you not to come in, but he can't dock your pay. That's not legal.
32355 6 22 Secretary's Day 4927 Pam Very interesting.
32356 6 22 Secretary's Day 4927 Toby Yeah, I also learned some interesting things about how they structure...
32357 6 22 Secretary's Day 4927 Pam Thanks Toby.
32358 6 22 Secretary's Day 4927 Gabe Hey everyone. Hi. Quite an afternoon, huh? Cathartic in a way. I'm glad I got to share it with you. It makes you think about what's really important. It's not about showing you're in charge or flexing some sort of authority. It's about forgiveness. And yes, I'm talking about you three in this desk clump right here. I think that, if you were to apologize to me, then I would revoke your suspension.
32359 6 22 Secretary's Day 4927 Pam I don't think an apology is enough. I really think the only way for me to learn my lesson is to take my suspension.
32360 6 22 Secretary's Day 4927 Jim And I got to take this bad attitude, and I got to go home, and I got to adjust it. And I hope the suspension does that.
32361 6 22 Secretary's Day 4927 Dwight Prideful idiots. Watch how it's done. Gabriel, I apologize.
32362 6 22 Secretary's Day 4927 Gabe Great.
32363 6 22 Secretary's Day 4927 Dwight I kneel before you.
32364 6 22 Secretary's Day 4927 Gabe Guys, I would even take a contrite look as an apology.
32365 6 22 Secretary's Day 4927 Dwight Humbly taking your hand upon which I kiss to show my contrition.
32366 6 22 Secretary's Day 4927 Gabe Guys, to err is human.
32367 6 22 Secretary's Day 4928 Erin Trust is the most important thing to me. Is your name Andy Bernard? What's your real name? Lionel Frankenstein?
32368 6 22 Secretary's Day 4928 Andy Will you stop walking for one second? That's it. There's no other secrets. Ok? I mean yeah, my chest is not naturally hairless, and my parents pay my credit card bill.
32369 6 22 Secretary's Day 4928 Erin How long were you guys together?
32370 6 22 Secretary's Day 4928 Andy A year.
32371 6 22 Secretary's Day 4928 Erin A year? You were together for a year?
32372 6 22 Secretary's Day 4928 Andy Yeah but that's it. Now you know everything about me. I promise. And if I think of anything else...
32373 6 22 Secretary's Day 4928 Erin I think I have to be on my own for a little bit. Like the girl Precious in Precious. Based on the novel Push by Sapphire. Ok?
32374 6 22 Secretary's Day 4928 Andy I didn't see that movie.
32375 6 22 Secretary's Day 4929 Gabe That was ugly. I'm sorry you had to see that.
32376 6 22 Secretary's Day 4929 Kelly Do they still get paid?
32377 6 22 Secretary's Day 4929 Gabe It's tacky to discuss finances. It's best to pretend that this never happened.
32378 6 22 Secretary's Day 4929 Oscar Sounds like they just got to go home with pay.
32379 6 22 Secretary's Day 4929 Meredith Pathetic.
32380 6 22 Secretary's Day 4929 Gabe Can I buy everyone coffees? "Or cookies."
32381 6 22 Secretary's Day 4929 Dwight What was that? Are you kidding me? Was that an impression?
32382 6 22 Secretary's Day 4929 Gabe Alright.
32383 6 22 Secretary's Day 4929 Kevin Uh guys, I'm now going to apologize for the mess that we're in because corporate told me to. I just want you to know that I laugh like a crazy person.
32384 6 22 Secretary's Day 4929 Gabe You got to be able to laugh at yourself. I'm one of the gang.
32385 6 22 Secretary's Day 4929 Dwight "I have to go back to the zoo to the stick insect exhibit."
32386 6 22 Secretary's Day 4929 Kevin "Ciao" Right? "Ciao. I say Ciao because I'm fancy from Tallahassee."
32387 6 22 Secretary's Day 4929 Gabe Why don't we say ciao to the impressions?
32388 6 22 Secretary's Day 4930 Michael Erin?
32389 6 22 Secretary's Day 4930 Erin Oh. Sorry I thought everyone was gone.
32390 6 22 Secretary's Day 4930 Michael No, no, I was just watching Cookie Monster. It finally downloaded. Mind if I sit down?
32391 6 22 Secretary's Day 4930 Erin I can't trust Andy anymore.
32392 6 22 Secretary's Day 4930 Michael Oh. Yep. I'm sorry about that. I feel... I'm sorry I caused that thing.
32393 6 22 Secretary's Day 4930 Erin It's Andy's fault.
32394 6 22 Secretary's Day 4930 Michael Well, yeah, yes. But I still feel sorry. You know what, I wouldn't worry about Angela. She doesn't hold a candle to you, Erin. She's old enough to be your mom for one thing. And she's, like, three feet tall. And she wears pioneer women clothing. And I don't think she's ever pooped in her life. And Andy, you know, come on. Andy, his butt looks big in those khakis.
32395 6 22 Secretary's Day 4930 Erin Oh, I like his butt.
32396 6 22 Secretary's Day 4930 Michael You said butt.
32397 6 22 Secretary's Day 4930 Erin You tricked me!
32398 6 22 Secretary's Day 4930 Michael Ahh! You said it! You know who you would love? Oh, this guy in my neighborhood, Tom Dizemore. This is him: "Hey! Hey Scott!"
32399 6 22 Secretary's Day 4931 Andy Sometimes telling someone something is hard. Well, at least someone made her happy on Secretary's Day.
32400 6 22 Secretary's Day 4932 Oscar's voice from the computer Hey Kevin it's Oscar. I'm looking at the sheet you sent me. And I can't seem to find the column for shipping cost.
32401 6 22 Secretary's Day 4933 Kevin I made the most brilliant retaliation video. It's awesome.
32402 6 22 Secretary's Day 4934 Phyllis I don't get it.
32403 6 22 Secretary's Day 4934 Jim Yeah, I mean, the Count has a very distinct voice.
32404 6 22 Secretary's Day 4934 Pam Yeah. "I vant to count to ten".
32405 6 22 Secretary's Day 4934 Kevin But Oscar is an accountant, and the Count counts numbers.
32406 6 22 Secretary's Day 4934 Kelly But you're an accountant too.
32407 6 22 Secretary's Day 4934 Oscar Why didn't you do Oscar the Grouch?
32408 6 22 Secretary's Day 4934 Pam That would have been funny.
32409 6 22 Secretary's Day 4934 Kevin But the Count is purple and Oscar wears purple.
32410 6 22 Secretary's Day 4934 Michael Oh, oh, I was just watching that. Did you do that, man? "Oscar. I am the Count." Nailed him. Nailed him. Good work Cookie Monster.
32411 6 22 Secretary's Day 4934 Kevin Thank you.
32412 6 23 Body Language 4935 Michael Buenos dias, Erin.
32413 6 23 Body Language 4935 Erin Buenos dias, Miguel. Hello, Dunder-Mifflin.
32414 6 23 Body Language 4935 Michael No, no, no, no. Solamente en espanol, por favor.
32415 6 23 Body Language 4936 Michael I believe that every man, woman, and child in this country should learn how to speak Spanish. They are our neighbors to the South, and this would be a healing thing for... for all of North America. And... I am going on vacation next week to Cancun.
32416 6 23 Body Language 4937 Michael Buenos dias, Jaime.
32417 6 23 Body Language 4937 Jim Buenos dias, Miguel. Como estas? Bien? Claro que si! Yo estoy fantastico. Que pasa?
32418 6 23 Body Language 4937 Michael Ha ha! Buenos dias, Dwight!
32419 6 23 Body Language 4937 Dwight Guten tag, Herr Michael.
32420 6 23 Body Language 4938 Dwight I don't understand why Michael is wasting his time with Spanish. I have it on very good authority that within 20 years, everyone will be speaking German. Or a Chinese-German hybrid.
32421 6 23 Body Language 4939 Michael La telefona.
32422 6 23 Body Language 4939 Oscar El telefono.
32423 6 23 Body Language 4940 Oscar Michael's having a hard time with the gender part of Spanish. So I told him to mark everything with the international symbol for gender. And, um... I should have been more specific.
32424 6 23 Body Language 4941 Oscar Your office is full of genitalia.
32425 6 23 Body Language 4941 Michael Oh. Eso es lo que dice, el!
32426 6 23 Body Language 4941 Oscar "That's what he says?"
32427 6 23 Body Language 4941 Michael Damn it. Ah, Angelo.
32428 6 23 Body Language 4941 Angela Angela. Michael.
32429 6 23 Body Language 4941 Michael Yo soy Cancun.
32430 6 23 Body Language 4941 Angela Uhh!
32431 6 23 Body Language 4942 Jim All right, so I'll finish up on bulk pricing, and then you go into delivery guarantee.
32432 6 23 Body Language 4942 Pam You know, maybe there's an opportunity for a joke there, like, um... like, "I just delivered a baby. They didn't offer me a guarantee."
32433 6 23 Body Language 4942 Jim Yeah, or maybe we don't even need that.
32434 6 23 Body Language 4942 Michael Can you smell the power of the Halperts? Power couple.
32435 6 23 Body Language 4942 Dwight You know what? I should be getting this client, Michael. My numbers are better than either of theirs.
32436 6 23 Body Language 4942 Michael I went with the people I thought would put the best face on the company.
32437 6 23 Body Language 4942 Dwight If you want people to put the best face on something, why would you get two people who probably never cut the face off of anything in their lives?
32438 6 23 Body Language 4942 Jim That's a good point.
32439 6 23 Body Language 4943 Pam This is our first joint sales pitch. I think we're gonna work really well together.
32440 6 23 Body Language 4943 Jim Yeah I think we have complimentary strengths. We understand each other.
32441 6 23 Body Language 4943 Pam We have good give and take. I give, he takes.
32442 6 23 Body Language 4943 Jim I don't even know who you are anymore.
32443 6 23 Body Language 4943 Pam Yee.
32444 6 23 Body Language 4944 Donna Hi, uh, Donna Newton, here to see Michael Scott.
32445 6 23 Body Language 4944 Jim Oh, hey, Miss Newton. Hi, I'm Jim.
32446 6 23 Body Language 4944 Donna Hi!
32447 6 23 Body Language 4944 Jim How are you?
32448 6 23 Body Language 4944 Michael Did somebody order a hooker over here?
32449 6 23 Body Language 4944 Donna Oh, stop that.
32450 6 23 Body Language 4944 Michael Hi. How are you?
32451 6 23 Body Language 4945 Michael There's this woman I met a few weeks ago. Her name is Donna, the manager of Sid & Dexter's and, right now, we're in the midst of a passionate love affair. Um, no. But she is coming by today. Maybe to buy some printers, so...
32452 6 23 Body Language 4946 Michael Right here, we have the wonder twins, Jim and Pam Halpert. They will be assisting you today.
32453 6 23 Body Language 4946 Donna You look exactly alike.
32454 6 23 Body Language 4946 Pam Oh, no we're actually married. We're not brother and sister.
32455 6 23 Body Language 4946 Donna I have a sense about these things.
32456 6 23 Body Language 4946 Jim All right.
32457 6 23 Body Language 4946 Donna You have some ancestors in common... somewhere back.
32458 6 23 Body Language 4946 Angela I knew it. You should see their baby.
32459 6 23 Body Language 4947 Jim So, yes, laser printers are more expensive. But they cost less to operate So it's a tradeoff.
32460 6 23 Body Language 4947 Michael Hi.
32461 6 23 Body Language 4947 Jim Hold on one second.
32462 6 23 Body Language 4947 Michael Sorry to interrupt. Sorry to interrupt. Do you, Donna, by any chance shop at Victoria's Secret?
32463 6 23 Body Language 4947 Jim What?
32464 6 23 Body Language 4947 Michael Because I keep getting these magazines sent to me via the address of the woman who used to live in my condo before me.
32465 6 23 Body Language 4947 Jim None of this is time sensitive.
32466 6 23 Body Language 4947 Michael Uh, yes, uh, the sale is on now through May.
32467 6 23 Body Language 4947 Donna Oh, yeah, thank you.
32468 6 23 Body Language 4947 Michael Okay, I have more of them.
32469 6 23 Body Language 4948 Gabe You would have weekly conference calls with executives in corporate. A two-week training program at the Yale school of management, obviously you would be high on the list for advancement opportunities.
32470 6 23 Body Language 4948 Darryl Sounds all right.
32471 6 23 Body Language 4948 Dwight What is this?
32472 6 23 Body Language 4948 Gabe Oh, this is "Print in All Colors," Sabre's minority executive training program.
32473 6 23 Body Language 4948 Dwight It doesn't just sound a'ight, it sounds amazing.
32474 6 23 Body Language 4948 Darryl I didn't say "a'ight."
32475 6 23 Body Language 4948 Dwight How do I apply?
32476 6 23 Body Language 4948 Gabe You have to be a minority.
32477 6 23 Body Language 4948 Dwight Uh, glasses wearers. Cholera survivors. Geniuses. Non-organic family farmers. The list goes on and on. You want me to keep going?
32478 6 23 Body Language 4948 Gabe Those don't really count. We're thinking more ethnic and racial minorities.
32479 6 23 Body Language 4948 Dwight Come here. Come here.
32480 6 23 Body Language 4948 Gabe Hmm?
32481 6 23 Body Language 4948 Dwight Ten seconds ago, this guy was driving a forklift. Okay? Now all off a sudden he's Cinderella of the office. What are you guys thinking?
32482 6 23 Body Language 4948 Gabe Well...
32483 6 23 Body Language 4948 Darryl I like the sound of this. Maybe one day I'll be sitting in Michael's chair. Wouldn't that be something?
32484 6 23 Body Language 4949 Dwight One minority from this branch is going to get into this program. Who would I refer? Hmm... the competent, hardworking one who does things his own way, or the malleable simpleton who can be bought for a few fashion magazines?
32485 6 23 Body Language 4950 Kelly This is the second time that you've sent me the wrong size. I mean, I know what a four feels like. I've been a four my whole life. You know what? You can go to Hell. All right? Thanks for nothing.
32486 6 23 Body Language 4950 Dwight Oh, man. White people, right?
32487 6 23 Body Language 4950 Kelly I don't know if she was white.
32488 6 23 Body Language 4950 Dwight Well, you can kinda tell from the voice.
32489 6 23 Body Language 4950 Kelly Yeah.
32490 6 23 Body Language 4950 Dwight I bet you get pulled over by the cops a lot, just because of your race.
32491 6 23 Body Language 4950 Kelly Well, they say it's because of texting, but maybe you're right.
32492 6 23 Body Language 4950 Dwight I think you should consider applying for the executive minority training program.
32493 6 23 Body Language 4950 Kelly Never thought of myself as an executive before.
32494 6 23 Body Language 4950 Dwight I know, 'cause you have no role models. How many Indian CEO's can you think of?
32495 6 23 Body Language 4950 Kelly I can't think of any CEO's, any race.
32496 6 23 Body Language 4950 Dwight You could be the Indian Bill Gates. You could be the Indian Ted Turner.
32497 6 23 Body Language 4950 Kelly I could be the Indian Julia Roberts.
32498 6 23 Body Language 4950 Dwight That's not... she's... okay. Yes.
32499 6 23 Body Language 4951 Michael I took the liberty to scan a few things earlier, and I want to show you... there we go! Whoa, look at those vivid colors. Look at my eyes. Those are Shrek-green eyes. That is me again. I think this displays the crisp, dazzling white.
32500 6 23 Body Language 4951 Donna Mm-hmm.
32501 6 23 Body Language 4951 Michael And that would be a display of the crisp, gorgeous black.
32502 6 23 Body Language 4951 Donna Yeah.
32503 6 23 Body Language 4952 Michael It's subtle. That's how it works. I show her an image that turns her on. And then she looks at me, then back at me, then back at the image. Soon, she doesn't know what is me, what is the image. She just knows that she's turned on.
32504 6 23 Body Language 4953 Michael This is a place that I like to go to be alone with my thoughts. I've never taken anybody there before.
32505 6 23 Body Language 4953 Donna Who took the photo?
32506 6 23 Body Language 4953 Michael Ryan.
32507 6 23 Body Language 4953 Donna Oh.
32508 6 23 Body Language 4953 Michael And that's it. That's me. That's who I am.
32509 6 23 Body Language 4953 Donna Not bad.
32510 6 23 Body Language 4953 Michael Oh, thanks. You're not bad, either.
32511 6 23 Body Language 4953 Donna Thank you. Hmm.
32512 6 23 Body Language 4953 Michael Hmm.
32513 6 23 Body Language 4953 Donna Oh my God.
32514 6 23 Body Language 4953 Michael Jim! Could you come in here for a sec? What was that printer we were looking at?
32515 6 23 Body Language 4954 Michael You didn't see it, Pam. She was giving me all sorts of signals that she wanted me to make a move. Shortbread?
32516 6 23 Body Language 4954 Jim No.
32517 6 23 Body Language 4954 Pam I'll have one.
32518 6 23 Body Language 4954 Jim Well, maybe you shouldn't try to kiss people at work.
32519 6 23 Body Language 4954 Michael Oh really, Jim? What about Pam? And you did a heck of a lot more than kiss. Maybe this could be my Pam.
32520 6 23 Body Language 4954 Jim Okay. Well, all that is irrelevant.
32521 6 23 Body Language 4954 Pam Maybe Michael has a point. I mean, if she was really that upset, she wouldn't still be here.
32522 6 23 Body Language 4955 Donna Was it professional? No. But I work in the nightlife industry. I get hit on all the time. In my 20's it would have been annoying. In my late 20's, I find it really flattering.
32523 6 23 Body Language 4956 Michael Look, I know that I screwed up in there. I know that I probably messed up your sale. I just want to go in and fix it.
32524 6 23 Body Language 4956 Pam What if I back out and you finish the pitch with Jim?
32525 6 23 Body Language 4956 Jim What?
32526 6 23 Body Language 4957 Jim What was that?
32527 6 23 Body Language 4957 Pam Just let him flirt with her. People meet each other all sorts of ways.
32528 6 23 Body Language 4957 Jim Pam, you know he's not gonna get anywhere, and he's gonna blow our sale.
32529 6 23 Body Language 4957 Pam Who cares? It's not that huge a sale.
32530 6 23 Body Language 4957 Jim Hey, the Schwab guy told us to treat every sale like it was a huge sale.
32531 6 23 Body Language 4957 Pam Don't act like you understood anything that guy said. Good luck, wingman.
32532 6 23 Body Language 4958 Dwight How as being a minority affected you?
32533 6 23 Body Language 4958 Kelly Well, there's a lot of pressure from my parents to settle down and marry an Indian guy.
32534 6 23 Body Language 4958 Dwight Oh, good, and you resent this because...
32535 6 23 Body Language 4958 Kelly Indian guys always wear their cell phones outside their pants. It's so dorky.
32536 6 23 Body Language 4958 Dwight Oh, no, no. That's not dorky. Look, it's easily accessible. Boom, like this. 911, hello. Scranton Strangler's in the house. Inside the house.
32537 6 23 Body Language 4958 Kelly Just put it in your pocket.
32538 6 23 Body Language 4959 Kevin Look at that. She's totally flirting with him.
32539 6 23 Body Language 4959 Phyllis You don't know that. Some people can't help oozing sexuality.
32540 6 23 Body Language 4959 Creed You ever notice you can ooze two things: sexuality and pus. Man, I tell ya.
32541 6 23 Body Language 4959 Phyllis She just crossed her arms together... that's bad.
32542 6 23 Body Language 4959 Pam Maybe she's just pushing her breasts together to make them look bigger.
32543 6 23 Body Language 4959 Kevin Like that?
32544 6 23 Body Language 4960 Donna Is this... is this the best you can do right there?
32545 6 23 Body Language 4960 Jim Uh, for that printer, yes. Unfortunately we don't have a lot of flexibility.
32546 6 23 Body Language 4960 Donna Oh. Well, I guess I'm just used to the restaurant business, where, if you're in charge, then you can always get discounts for the people that you like.
32547 6 23 Body Language 4960 Jim Yeah.
32548 6 23 Body Language 4960 Michael So maybe we could find a little wiggle room, right?
32549 6 23 Body Language 4960 Jim What's that?
32550 6 23 Body Language 4960 Michael Maybe wee find some wiggle room?
32551 6 23 Body Language 4960 Jim I don't... I don't think so.
32552 6 23 Body Language 4960 Michael I think we could.
32553 6 23 Body Language 4961 Oscar I don't see how we could possibly sell these for that little without losing money. Delivery alone will cost...
32554 6 23 Body Language 4961 Michael Okay, well sometimes... sometimes it makes financial sense to lose money, right? Like for tax purposes.
32555 6 23 Body Language 4961 Oscar Actually, ran the numbers on this, and in this case, it makes more financial sense to gain money.
32556 6 23 Body Language 4961 Michael Why don't you run them again?
32557 6 23 Body Language 4961 Jim What if she's just flirting with you to get a better price?
32558 6 23 Body Language 4961 Michael If she is, it's working.
32559 6 23 Body Language 4961 Kevin Yeah, Michael, here's a trick. Ask her if she wants a mint. If she says "no," then she is not interested.
32560 6 23 Body Language 4962 Jim She does not like him.
32561 6 23 Body Language 4962 Pam You can flirt with someone to get what you want and also be attracted to them. How do you think we got together?
32562 6 23 Body Language 4962 Jim 'cause I stopped by your desk like 15 times a day.
32563 6 23 Body Language 4962 Pam I was after your money.
32564 6 23 Body Language 4962 Jim Well, the joke was on you.
32565 6 23 Body Language 4962 Pam Yes, it was.
32566 6 23 Body Language 4963 Kelly Can you stop micromanaging? I know how to do this.
32567 6 23 Body Language 4963 Ryan Okay...
32568 6 23 Body Language 4963 Dwight Hey... what are you guys doing?
32569 6 23 Body Language 4963 Kelly This girl was really rude to me at the mall. So I created a fake I.M. account from a hot guy at her high school, and now I'm trying to make her anorexic.
32570 6 23 Body Language 4963 Ryan Tell her everyone in home room thinks she's fat.
32571 6 23 Body Language 4963 Kelly Oh, that is so good.
32572 6 23 Body Language 4963 Dwight You know, we really should keep practicing for this interview.
32573 6 23 Body Language 4963 Kelly Oh, that's okay. Ryan coached me.
32574 6 23 Body Language 4963 Dwight Ryan? What does he know?
32575 6 23 Body Language 4963 Ryan It's easy... you just turn every question around on them. Do you think you're treated differently because of your race?
32576 6 23 Body Language 4963 Kelly Would you ask that same question if I was white? We're so in.
32577 6 23 Body Language 4963 Dwight "We?"
32578 6 23 Body Language 4963 Kelly When I become executive, I'm gonna make Ryan manager.
32579 6 23 Body Language 4963 Ryan And then the two of us are cleanin' house.
32580 6 23 Body Language 4964 Dwight Kelly will be even worse than Darryl. If you'd have told me this morning that today I'd be creating a monster capable f my own destruction, I 'd have thought you were referring to the bull Mose and I are trying to reanimate.
32581 6 23 Body Language 4965 Michael So corporate approval of this contract is contingent upon buyer and seller...
32582 6 23 Body Language 4965 Donna Mm-hmm.
32583 6 23 Body Language 4965 Michael Operating blahdy blahdy blah. Boilerplate. Pound of fish. Just kidding. Do you like mints?
32584 6 23 Body Language 4965 Donna Yes.
32585 6 23 Body Language 4965 Michael I carry mints with me sometimes. You ever tried those?
32586 6 23 Body Language 4965 Donna Oh, I haven't tried those. No.
32587 6 23 Body Language 4965 Michael They're good
32588 6 23 Body Language 4965 Donna You want one?
32589 6 23 Body Language 4965 Michael Sure.
32590 6 23 Body Language 4965 Donna It's like cool... "certified cool." I like how they say "certified." Like there's some consortium of... Michael!
32591 6 23 Body Language 4966 Michael I can't stop myself from kissing her.
32592 6 23 Body Language 4966 Kevin Yeah, now you know how I feel sitting next to those M&M's all day.
32593 6 23 Body Language 4966 Andy Well, why don't you just move the M&M's?
32594 6 23 Body Language 4966 Kevin Well, why don't you shut up!
32595 6 23 Body Language 4966 Michael Okay, guys, guys, guys. Just tell me it's not totally insane to try one more time.
32596 6 23 Body Language 4966 Jim It is totally insane.
32597 6 23 Body Language 4966 Oscar Michael, he's right. You are turning into a stalker.
32598 6 23 Body Language 4966 Michael Okay. What do you think?
32599 6 23 Body Language 4966 Kevin I think it's over, man.
32600 6 23 Body Language 4966 Michael Andy?
32601 6 23 Body Language 4966 Andy Ehh.
32602 6 23 Body Language 4966 Michael Okay, some for, some against.
32603 6 23 Body Language 4966 Jim Nobody's for.
32604 6 23 Body Language 4966 Michael Pam?
32605 6 23 Body Language 4966 Pam Hmm?
32606 6 23 Body Language 4966 Michael What do you think?
32607 6 23 Body Language 4966 Pam Um... I think it's really, really unlikely.
32608 6 23 Body Language 4966 Jim Okay.
32609 6 23 Body Language 4966 Pam Really unlikely. But I can't say that it's impossible.
32610 6 23 Body Language 4966 Jim What?
32611 6 23 Body Language 4967 Pam I'm not saying she's in love with him. But she could have left a while ago. Most printer sales are done over the phone, Ms. Boob shirt.
32612 6 23 Body Language 4968 Michael I'm going with Pam's group.
32613 6 23 Body Language 4968 Jim Wait.
32614 6 23 Body Language 4968 Michael Here we go.
32615 6 23 Body Language 4968 Jim Michael. Michael.
32616 6 23 Body Language 4968 Michael Okay.
32617 6 23 Body Language 4968 Jim Michael.
32618 6 23 Body Language 4968 Michael No, guys, guys, guys. Guys, just... thank you for talking. Wish me luck.
32619 6 23 Body Language 4968 Jim No.
32620 6 23 Body Language 4969 Michael What sort of movie would Rudy have been if he had just stopped, given up, after two rejections? Would have been a lot shorter. Probably been a lot funnier. But it would have ultimately been a disappointment. I still would have seen it, but that's not... the point.
32621 6 23 Body Language 4970 Dwight Kelly is disqualified!
32622 6 23 Body Language 4970 Gabe What?
32623 6 23 Body Language 4970 Dwight You said the program is not open to Caucasians. Well... anthropologically, she is Indian. Indians migrated from the caucuses region of Europe. Therefore, technically, she is Caucasian. You're welcome, America.
32624 6 23 Body Language 4970 Gabe Yeah, but she's not white, though.
32625 6 23 Body Language 4970 Dwight Well, obviously, she is brownish. But come on, I mean, Darryl is far more ethnic.
32626 6 23 Body Language 4970 Gabe Darryl withdrew his application. He said the Yale program interfered with his softball league, you know? He's gone.
32627 6 23 Body Language 4971 Darryl I got my whole life to be a minority executive. I only have about a year left in these knees, though.
32628 6 23 Body Language 4972 Dwight Kelly is the only applicant.
32629 6 23 Body Language 4972 Gabe Yeah, unless somebody else applies today.
32630 6 23 Body Language 4972 Kelly Namaste.
32631 6 23 Body Language 4972 Dwight Oh, dear God. Okay. Don't make any decisions just yet. Okay? I'll be right back.
32632 6 23 Body Language 4972 Kelly Hello.
32633 6 23 Body Language 4972 Gabe That's very nice. I never noticed that before.
32634 6 23 Body Language 4972 Kelly Sometimes my bangs cover it.
32635 6 23 Body Language 4972 Gabe Yeah. I don't want to be offensive but, uh... may I ask you what that means?
32636 6 23 Body Language 4972 Kelly I do find that offensive, actually.
32637 6 23 Body Language 4973 Michael We should have your contract done by Thursday.
32638 6 23 Body Language 4973 Donna Oh, great. Great, I will look out for that stuff, then.
32639 6 23 Body Language 4973 Michael Okay.
32640 6 23 Body Language 4973 Donna And, um... you know I just wanted to say it was really... really nice to do business with you.
32641 6 23 Body Language 4973 Michael Yeah it was nice to do business with you, too.
32642 6 23 Body Language 4973 Donna Thank you. Did I... get everything?
32643 6 23 Body Language 4973 Michael I don't know. I think so.
32644 6 23 Body Language 4973 Donna Yeah, I think so.
32645 6 23 Body Language 4973 Michael Okay. So... Oh, Donna?
32646 6 23 Body Language 4973 Donna Yeah? Do you need validation? We don't... we don't validate.
32647 6 23 Body Language 4973 Donna No, it's just in the lot, so...
32648 6 23 Body Language 4973 Michael Thank you so much.
32649 6 23 Body Language 4973 Donna You're welcome. You're... welcome.
32650 6 23 Body Language 4973 Michael Mmm.
32651 6 23 Body Language 4973 Donna Bye.
32652 6 23 Body Language 4973 Michael Ahem. So, um... okay, if you have... if there's any other questions that you have...
32653 6 23 Body Language 4973 Donna I don't have, uh, any other questions. I'm just gonna... make my way down to...
32654 6 23 Body Language 4973 Michael All right. All right. Bye.
32655 6 23 Body Language 4973 Donna Bye-bye!
32656 6 23 Body Language 4973 Michael And have a good elevator ride.
32657 6 23 Body Language 4973 Donna Okay.
32658 6 23 Body Language 4973 Michael Oh, what's that out there?
32659 6 23 Body Language 4973 Kevin Michael, how did it go?
32660 6 23 Body Language 4974 Dwight How would one of you feel if I told you I could put you on a fast track to an executive position at this company?
32661 6 23 Body Language 4974 Erin Holy cow. I'd be so happy.
32662 6 23 Body Language 4974 Dwight I wasn't talking to you, pale-face.
32663 6 23 Body Language 4974 Erin I know. I meant I'd be happy for them.
32664 6 23 Body Language 4974 Dwight What I'm offering is a ticket on a bullet train straight to middle management.
32665 6 23 Body Language 4974 Stanley Dwight, I know these programs. "Every color is important because, together, we make a rainbow."
32666 6 23 Body Language 4974 Dwight Yes.
32667 6 23 Body Language 4974 Stanley I'll slap you in the face with a rainbow.
32668 6 23 Body Language 4974 Erin Mm!
32669 6 23 Body Language 4974 Dwight Speaking of rainbows, Oscar... you are kind of a double minority. Gay. So we at Sabre could really benefit from your perspective.
32670 6 23 Body Language 4974 Oscar Dwight, we know Kelly applied. We're not gonna cross her. No matter how good the program is.
32671 6 23 Body Language 4974 Dwight I can protect you from Kelly. Will you get out of here? Seriously.
32672 6 23 Body Language 4975 Kelly For hobbies, um, yoga, belly dancing, snake charming. Beds of nails. I like lying on them.
32673 6 23 Body Language 4975 Dwight Whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa! This is Hide Toshi Hasagawa. He would like to apply for the Sabre minority executive training program "print in all colors" initiative.
32674 6 23 Body Language 4975 Kelly Dwight: What are you doing?
32675 6 23 Body Language 4975 Dwight Helping heal America in a dramatic fashion in the 11th hour.
32676 6 23 Body Language 4975 Kelly God, I hate you so much!
32677 6 23 Body Language 4975 Dwight Caucasians, am I right? Have a seat. I'll translate.
32678 6 23 Body Language 4975 Hide Why? I don't need translator.
32679 6 23 Body Language 4975 Dwight You don't know what you need. Just...
32680 6 23 Body Language 4975 Gabe Well, uh... why don't you just tell me a little about yourself, Hide.
32681 6 23 Body Language 4975 Hide In Japan, heart surgeon, number one. Steady hand.
32682 6 23 Body Language 4976 Pam Hey, Michael. How you doing?
32683 6 23 Body Language 4976 Michael I don't know. I don't know. Can't really trust my feelings anymore.
32684 6 23 Body Language 4976 Pam You know what, Michael? For what it's worth... I was wrong, too. I thought she was interested in you.
32685 6 23 Body Language 4976 Michael She suckered you too.
32686 6 23 Body Language 4976 Pam Mm-hmm.
32687 6 23 Body Language 4976 Michael Was it the cleavage?
32688 6 23 Body Language 4976 Pam Yeah, and the shoulder cutouts.
32689 6 23 Body Language 4976 Michael Yep.
32690 6 23 Body Language 4976 Phyllis Michael, you know, it's easy to get fooled. Bob's warehouse guys flirt with me all the time. It... it's mostly harmless. Usually I don't let it go too far.
32691 6 23 Body Language 4976 Andy You know, when I tore my scrote, I was, uh... I was seeing this really hot urologist about it, and thought she was into me. But now I think she was just doing a bunch of stuff to bill my HMO. You know, she's touching around down there. It's easy to get confused.
32692 6 23 Body Language 4976 Erin Michael, I think Donna left this here. Should I put it in the lost and found for 14 days and then I can take it home?
32693 6 23 Body Language 4976 Michael God. She left this here?
32694 6 23 Body Language 4976 Erin Yeah.
32695 6 23 Body Language 4976 Michael Okay. Maybe she wants me to return this to her at her work.
32696 6 23 Body Language 4976 Jim What?
32697 6 23 Body Language 4976 All No.
32698 6 23 Body Language 4976 Michael Yeah. This could be a signal. People don't just take barrettes off.
32699 6 23 Body Language 4976 Oscar It's not a signal. It's just a coincidence. No, it's not even a coincidence. It's just something that happened.
32700 6 23 Body Language 4976 Pam Michael...
32701 6 23 Body Language 4976 Michael Well...
32702 6 23 Body Language 4976 Pam She doesn't want you to return the barrette. She's not interested in you.
32703 6 23 Body Language 4976 Michael Yeah, I know. I know.
32704 6 23 Body Language 4976 Pam I'm sorry.
32705 6 23 Body Language 4976 Michael I know. You're right. Thank you. Thanks everybody.
32706 6 23 Body Language 4976 Pam Michael!
32707 6 23 Body Language 4977 Donna Michael!
32708 6 23 Body Language 4977 Michael Oh. You're still here. I have your baguette.
32709 6 23 Body Language 4978 Gabe Everyone, it is my pleasure to announce our newest member of the Sabre minority executive training program. Kelly Rajnigandha Kapoor. All right.
32710 6 23 Body Language 4979 Gabe They're going to be pretty pleased in Tallahassee that I snagged an Indian for the program. She'll be the first. The program's mostly black. It's almost too black. That didn't sound right.
32711 6 23 Body Language 4980 Kelly And the best part is is that I get a business stipend to buy all new clothes. So you can totally buy any of my old clothes that I'm not gonna need anymore.
32712 6 23 Body Language 4980 Erin Oh, my God, thank you so much. I love that denim jumpsuit you have. How much?
32713 6 23 Body Language 4980 Kelly Oh. Actually I was thinking about clothes that I was just gonna give to Goodwill anyway.
32714 6 23 Body Language 4980 Erin Great.
32715 6 23 Body Language 4980 Dwight Hey, kiddo. Congratulations are in order. You deserve it.
32716 6 23 Body Language 4980 Kelly Thank you, Dwight.
32717 6 23 Body Language 4980 Dwight Oh.
32718 6 23 Body Language 4980 Kelly I'll never forget everything that you've done for me.
32719 6 23 Body Language 4980 Dwight Gosh. He he.
32720 6 23 Body Language 4980 Kelly Because I never forget anything.
32721 6 23 Body Language 4981 Dwight Just once, I would like to be a puppet master and have nothing go wrong. Is that too much to ask?
32722 6 23 Body Language 4982 Michael You know what? Everybody told me that you weren't interested. Everybody. And I didn't believe 'em. And they were right. So... there's your barrette.
32723 6 23 Body Language 4982 Donna No, y-you were... right.
32724 6 23 Body Language 4982 Michael Who?
32725 6 23 Body Language 4982 Donna You were right.
32726 6 23 Body Language 4982 Michael About what?
32727 6 23 Body Language 4982 Donna You were right. I'm sorry.
32728 6 23 Body Language 4982 Michael No, no. No.
32729 6 23 Body Language 4982 Donna I'm sor...
32730 6 23 Body Language 4982 Michael No...
32731 6 23 Body Language 4983 Michael What happened?
32732 6 23 Body Language 4983 Erin Kelly got into the minority training program.
32733 6 23 Body Language 4983 Michael Really?! Oh, that's great. That's such good news. I did it! I kissed. We kissed.
32734 6 23 Body Language 4983 Kevin Ooh.
32735 6 23 Body Language 4983 Phyllis Oh, Michael.
32736 6 23 Body Language 4983 Michael No, I'm serious. It... this happened. I went down to the parking lot and I was... I returned her barrette We ki... We did. Okay. We did. We did.
32737 6 23 Body Language 4984 Michael You know what? It doesn't matter. Because I know it happened. And that is all that counts. I did do it!
32738 6 24 The Cover-Up 4985 Dwight Stop it!
32739 6 24 The Cover-Up 4985 Jim Stop what?
32740 6 24 The Cover-Up 4985 Dwight You're talking about me in Morse Code. Well, you know what? Joke's on you 'cause I know Morse Code. Ha!
32741 6 24 The Cover-Up 4985 Jim Yeah. That's what we're doing. In our very limited free time and with our very limited budget, we went and got a nanny and then we went out and took a class on a very outmoded and very unnecessary form of communication just so we could talk about you in front of you.
32742 6 24 The Cover-Up 4986 Jim Yup. That's exactly what we did.
32743 6 24 The Cover-Up 4986 Pam It all started when Dwight was tapping his foot against the leg of his desk. When I asked him to stop, he said, "I will when you lose the baby weight."
32744 6 24 The Cover-Up 4987 Dwight Very well. I must have imagined it. I apologize. Detonator. Detonator where? Michael!
32745 6 24 The Cover-Up 4988 Michael Jim. Are you clicking a detonator?
32746 6 24 The Cover-Up 4988 Jim It's a pen.
32747 6 24 The Cover-Up 4988 Dwight Michael, come on.
32748 6 24 The Cover-Up 4988 Michael Get back to work, Dwight. Please.
32749 6 24 The Cover-Up 4988 Dwight Fine. Hey. Tap away.
32750 6 24 The Cover-Up 4989 Michael Ooh! Things with Donna are so... oh-ho-ho! They're going great. I, uh... we're just clicking on every level. Emotionally and sexually and... orally and I am not used to relationships going this well. I'm actually having trouble focusing on my job. And I like it!
32751 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Michael Who enjoys the weekends? Of course. Now the weekend is always great if you have someone, which I do. I have Donna. She is hot. She has a Pilates butt. But we need to find something to do this weekend beside have s*x. Did I say that? Yes, I did. And the reason you are here is that I need ideas for things that Donna and I could do on the weekend. So just shout it out.
32752 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Stanley I have an idea for your weekend.
32753 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Michael Okay.
32754 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Stanley Let me get back to my desk right now.
32755 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Michael Okay, you get out of here, big dog. Ah, no, no, no, no. You guys sit down. I need ideas.
32756 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Pam Stanley got to go.
32757 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Michael Yeah, well, Stanley doesn't help with anything. Come on. Shout 'em out, shout 'em out.
32758 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Andy Walk around apple orchards.
32759 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Michael Oh!
32760 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Andy Super romantic.
32761 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Michael That's fun.
32762 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Dwight Eel fishing.
32763 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Michael All right.
32764 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Darryl Curl up with your favorite DVD.
32765 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Meredith You and Donna should hit the Poconos. They have heart-shaped Jacuzzis. Room enough for three.
32766 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Michael We actually went to the Poconos last Tuesday. We headed up there, we went to a little Chinese bistro, um, P.F. Chang's.
32767 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Kelly Wait, why would you go all the way to the Poconos to P.F. Chang's when we have the Great Wall in Scranton.
32768 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Michael Because when your super-hot girlfriend says, "I wanna go to Mount Pocono," you go to Mount Pocono and you do her. And we screwed. Whoops. TMI.
32769 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Kelly Wait, that's crazy far. Are you sure she's not cheating?
32770 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Michael You know what, Kelly? This is the real world. Not The Real World: Scranton. Oh my God, this is super weird. When Ryan had two girlfriends, he used to take me to some diner in Hazelton just so the other girl wouldn't see.
32771 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Ryan Some diner?! It was the Starlight Diner! It's in a LIFE magazine spread about Americana.
32772 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Michael You guys think Donna's cheating on me?
32773 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Pam No, Michael, no.
32774 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Dwight Are you nuts?
32775 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Pam You had a nice meal with your girlfriend in a lovely place...
32776 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Michael ... and... we had s*x, too.
32777 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Pam That is right. Don't make any more of it.
32778 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Michael How?
32779 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Pam How what?
32780 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Michael How do I not make any more of it?
32781 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Pam You could start by concluding this meeting.
32782 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Michael All right. And she won't say, "I love you."
32783 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Dwight Oh, no.
32784 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Andy How many dates have you been on?
32785 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Michael Nine dates. I said it on the second date.
32786 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Andy Mm.
32787 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Oscar That seems... quick. Even for lesbians.
32788 6 24 The Cover-Up 4990 Ryan Does she keep her phone locked around you, Michael? Does she watch how much she drinks around you, Michael?
32789 6 24 The Cover-Up 4991 Ryan Does she leave the room when she takes phone calls? Does she keep perfume in her purse? Does she shower before s*x? Does she shower after s*x? Does she...
32790 6 24 The Cover-Up 4992 Michael Yeah, she does all that.
32791 6 24 The Cover-Up 4992 Ryan Sorry, dude.
32792 6 24 The Cover-Up 4992 Michael No, no...
32793 6 24 The Cover-Up 4992 Pam Michael, do not let your imagination run amok.
32794 6 24 The Cover-Up 4992 Michael Run what?
32795 6 24 The Cover-Up 4992 Pam Amok. It means, don't let your imagination run out of control.
32796 6 24 The Cover-Up 4992 Michael Why didn't you just say that, Pam?
32797 6 24 The Cover-Up 4992 Pam Michael, do not let your imagination run out of control.
32798 6 24 The Cover-Up 4992 Michael Well, that's easy for you to say. You have a bad imagination. It's stupid. I live in a fantasy world.
32799 6 24 The Cover-Up 4992 Jim You do?
32800 6 24 The Cover-Up 4992 Michael Yes, Jim, I do. And I can't stay in a relationship that is full of lies and deceit.
32801 6 24 The Cover-Up 4992 Jim But you didn't believe any of this was true five minutes ago.
32802 6 24 The Cover-Up 4992 Michael That's what makes it so wrong.
32803 6 24 The Cover-Up 4993 Michael Ever since I found out that Donna might be cheating on me, I have not eaten or slept. This not knowing, that's what's killing me.
32804 6 24 The Cover-Up 4994 Dwight Oh, God, that tickles. What did...
32805 6 24 The Cover-Up 4994 Michael I want someone to follow Donna. I want her tailed. I need the name of a good private investigator.
32806 6 24 The Cover-Up 4994 Dwight I think I've got one for you.
32807 6 24 The Cover-Up 4994 Michael This is you. How much do you charge?
32808 6 24 The Cover-Up 4994 Dwight $100 a day, plus expenses.
32809 6 24 The Cover-Up 4994 Michael I'll give you $50. Money's no object.
32810 6 24 The Cover-Up 4994 Dwight I'm just gonna warn you... and I say this to all my clients... you might not like what I find.
32811 6 24 The Cover-Up 4994 Michael Okay.
32812 6 24 The Cover-Up 4994 Dwight And you might not like how I find it.
32813 6 24 The Cover-Up 4995 Andy Of course. Yeah, that's terrible. Okay, let me get back to you. Hey, Stanley. One of my clients just called and said that their Sabre printer started smoking and caught on fire.
32814 6 24 The Cover-Up 4995 Stanley My doctor told me to cut out hot dogs. We all got problems.
32815 6 24 The Cover-Up 4996 Andy Hey, Gabe I need to talk to you about something. It's really important.
32816 6 24 The Cover-Up 4996 Gabe There's no way that you guys have any almond butter, right?
32817 6 24 The Cover-Up 4996 Andy Yeah, I don't know. Look, one of my clients called. He was in the middle of a big printing job and the back of the printer started smoking and then the paper tray caught on fire.
32818 6 24 The Cover-Up 4996 Gabe That's weird. I haven't heard of that happening. I would even settle for apricot preserves.
32819 6 24 The Cover-Up 4996 Andy What are we gonna do about this?
32820 6 24 The Cover-Up 4996 Gabe I don't know. Call HQ, see if they know anything. Yeah. That's what I'll do today. All right. Yeah.
32821 6 24 The Cover-Up 4996 Andy Let me know what they say.
32822 6 24 The Cover-Up 4996 Darryl Wow. That dude is good.
32823 6 24 The Cover-Up 4996 Andy What do you mean?
32824 6 24 The Cover-Up 4996 Darryl You didn't feel like he was hiding something?
32825 6 24 The Cover-Up 4996 Andy I don't know.
32826 6 24 The Cover-Up 4996 Darryl Like he was... covering something up? Maybe.
32827 6 24 The Cover-Up 4997 Darryl Two years ago, Andy blamed the warehouse for a late shipment that he forgot to process. We got yelled at pretty bad. Almost lost my job, and I was mad as hell at the time. But I said "Darryl, just wait. He's a fool. There's gonna be an opportunity. Just be patient."
32828 6 24 The Cover-Up 4998 Dwight Hi stranger.
32829 6 24 The Cover-Up 4998 Donna Oh, hi. You work for Michael.
32830 6 24 The Cover-Up 4998 Dwight I work with Michael.
32831 6 24 The Cover-Up 4998 Donna Right.
32832 6 24 The Cover-Up 4998 Dwight Dwight Schrute.
32833 6 24 The Cover-Up 4998 Donna Donna, hi.
32834 6 24 The Cover-Up 4999 Dwight All cases are solved with logic. The only logical way to find out if Donna Is a cheater is to seduce her, bring her to orgasm, then call Michael and tell him the sad news.
32835 6 24 The Cover-Up 5000 Jim That's interesting. Wow, it's a little early for ice cream, don't you think?
32836 6 24 The Cover-Up 5000 Michael It's never too early for ice cream, Jim. But we didn't have any ice cream, so this is mayonnaise and black olives.
32837 6 24 The Cover-Up 5000 Pam Oh!...
32838 6 24 The Cover-Up 5000 Jim Oh, my God
32839 6 24 The Cover-Up 5000 Michael It's comfort food, all right? God.
32840 6 24 The Cover-Up 5000 Jim You know Michael, this whole Donna thing is gonna be okay, you just... stop beating yourself up.
32841 6 24 The Cover-Up 5000 Michael I know. Well, I hope you're right. We'll see what Dwight says.
32842 6 24 The Cover-Up 5000 Pam Why do we have to see what Dwight says?
32843 6 24 The Cover-Up 5000 Michael Because I have him investigating her. I'm waiting for a text update.
32844 6 24 The Cover-Up 5000 Jim Michael, no...
32845 6 24 The Cover-Up 5000 Pam No, no, no, no. Undo that. Undo that.
32846 6 24 The Cover-Up 5000 Michael It's too late to undo it. I need to know. Otherwise this thing is going to spiral out of amok.
32847 6 24 The Cover-Up 5000 Pam Michael. Okay, I'm... I'm going to talk straight to you because I think you need to hear it. Michael.
32848 6 24 The Cover-Up 5000 Michael God, this is so disgusting.
32849 6 24 The Cover-Up 5000 Pam Stop eating it! Do you wanna be happy? Look at you. You have a major self-destructive streak in you.
32850 6 24 The Cover-Up 5000 Michael I know.
32851 6 24 The Cover-Up 5000 Pam And you kind of torpedo every romantic relationship you're in.
32852 6 24 The Cover-Up 5000 Michael That's not true. You're right, I ruin everything. And I've known some wonderful women. Holly, Carol, Jan.
32853 6 24 The Cover-Up 5000 Pam Helene.
32854 6 24 The Cover-Up 5000 Michael Helene?
32855 6 24 The Cover-Up 5000 Pam My mother.
32856 6 24 The Cover-Up 5000 Michael Oh.
32857 6 24 The Cover-Up 5000 Pam My mother, Helene.
32858 6 24 The Cover-Up 5000 Michael Oh, yeah. Yes, yes. Yes. All of, all of the greatest loves of my life.
32859 6 24 The Cover-Up 5000 Jim You should stop this, and you should call Dwight right now.
32860 6 24 The Cover-Up 5000 Michael All right.
32861 6 24 The Cover-Up 5001 Dwight Oh, gosh, we were both going for the same weight at the same time; you go ahead.
32862 6 24 The Cover-Up 5001 Donna Thank you.
32863 6 24 The Cover-Up 5001 Dwight It's all yours. Ah!
32864 6 24 The Cover-Up 5001 Donna You okay?
32865 6 24 The Cover-Up 5001 Dwight Yeah, I'm good. Hey, you know an exercise for two people that uses the whole body?
32866 6 24 The Cover-Up 5001 Donna Yeah, I think I know what you're talking about.
32867 6 24 The Cover-Up 5001 Dwight Tractor pulling. Too bad there's not a tractor here.
32868 6 24 The Cover-Up 5002 Dwight Oh. Oh. Oh. One thing you need to know about me. I don't quit until something tears or pops. You look like you're getting a good workout. Can I feel your pulse?
32869 6 24 The Cover-Up 5002 Donna Nope. I'm good, thanks.
32870 6 24 The Cover-Up 5002 Dwight Really? Hey, um...
32871 6 24 The Cover-Up 5002 Old lady Look, young man, can you wipe down that seat?
32872 6 24 The Cover-Up 5002 Dwight Get out of my way. Huh!
32873 6 24 The Cover-Up 5003 Dwight Tomorrow's fertilizer, am I right?
32874 6 24 The Cover-Up 5003 Donna I'm out of here.
32875 6 24 The Cover-Up 5003 Dwight Donna. Donna, wait, please. I'm sorry. Okay? Listen. We both know why I'm here: to see... you... naked... while... I'm... naked.
32876 6 24 The Cover-Up 5003 Donna You stay away from me, or I'm calling security.
32877 6 24 The Cover-Up 5003 Dwight Donna, come... Ah! Grr! Ugh!
32878 6 24 The Cover-Up 5004 Michael You're back. What happened?
32879 6 24 The Cover-Up 5004 Dwight Oh, I pulled muscles in both my thighs. Thanks for asking.
32880 6 24 The Cover-Up 5004 Michael No, what happened with Donna?
32881 6 24 The Cover-Up 5004 Dwight Yeah, no. She's not cheating. Oh, man! Will you help me work out this knot? Right here.
32882 6 24 The Cover-Up 5004 Michael Ugh!
32883 6 24 The Cover-Up 5004 Dwight Put your fingers here.
32884 6 24 The Cover-Up 5004 Michael No. No! Are you sure?
32885 6 24 The Cover-Up 5004 Dwight I'm positive. Yeah, oh, and here's your expense receipts right there.
32886 6 24 The Cover-Up 5004 Michael Who eats eight protein bars?
32887 6 24 The Cover-Up 5004 Dwight People who don't trust egg whites.
32888 6 24 The Cover-Up 5004 Michael Okay. Well, I am just glad this is all over.
32889 6 24 The Cover-Up 5004 Dwight Oh, me too. And by the way, uh, I told her not to, but she's coming over here and she's furious.
32890 6 24 The Cover-Up 5004 Michael What? No, she didn't say that.
32891 6 24 The Cover-Up 5004 Dwight You're right. I was paraphrasing. What she actually said was, "What is with him? He is crazy. I'm coming over there to talk to him." And this was after I have no other recourse but to tell her and gym security that you had me sent there to see if she was cheating. Also, I joined the gym. You'll be billed monthly.
32892 6 24 The Cover-Up 5004 Michael I am not paying for that membership.
32893 6 24 The Cover-Up 5005 Michael Ohhh... mmm...
32894 6 24 The Cover-Up 5005 Erin Maybe you'd be more comfortable in your own office.
32895 6 24 The Cover-Up 5005 Michael No, I like the attention. Is she here yet?
32896 6 24 The Cover-Up 5005 Erin Uh, no. Wait, yes.
32897 6 24 The Cover-Up 5005 Michael That's her?
32898 6 24 The Cover-Up 5005 Erin Yeah.
32899 6 24 The Cover-Up 5005 Michael Mm-hmm. Right. Right. Right. Okay, I'll talk to you later.
32900 6 24 The Cover-Up 5006 Donna How could you think I would cheat on you?
32901 6 24 The Cover-Up 5006 Michael I didn't. Everybody else here did. Everybody convinced me that something was up. They poisoned my mind.
32902 6 24 The Cover-Up 5006 Donna That's pathetic.
32903 6 24 The Cover-Up 5006 Michael Ye... pfff. Well, no. It's a lie. That's not what happened. I just like you. I can't believe I get to be with you. You work at an adult arcade. You could have any man you want.
32904 6 24 The Cover-Up 5006 Donna When I tell you I like you, you need to trust me, not some freak.
32905 6 24 The Cover-Up 5006 Michael If you wanna dump me, I totally get it.
32906 6 24 The Cover-Up 5006 Donna I told you I like you.
32907 6 24 The Cover-Up 5006 Michael Well, you are boner-ific.
32908 6 24 The Cover-Up 5006 Donna Hey, if I said that we should go away for a couple of days, you would...
32909 6 24 The Cover-Up 5006 Michael ...poop my pants.
32910 6 24 The Cover-Up 5006 Donna Have you ever been to Vero Beach?
32911 6 24 The Cover-Up 5006 Michael Oh, my God, Vero Beach. No. Is that on the water?
32912 6 24 The Cover-Up 5006 Donna We're going.
32913 6 24 The Cover-Up 5006 Michael We are?
32914 6 24 The Cover-Up 5006 Donna Yeah.
32915 6 24 The Cover-Up 5007 Andy What's up? I got your e-mail.
32916 6 24 The Cover-Up 5007 Darryl Close the door.
32917 6 24 The Cover-Up 5007 Andy Okay.
32918 6 24 The Cover-Up 5008 Darryl I don't have a plan exactly. More of a loose structure. Gives me freedom to improvise. It's like jazz. Andy don't mess with me. I'll figure something out.
32919 6 24 The Cover-Up 5009 Darryl Some freaky stuff going on. I was walking behind Gabe and I heard some things.
32920 6 24 The Cover-Up 5009 Andy Such as?
32921 6 24 The Cover-Up 5009 Darryl It was kind of mumbled, I don't know, uh, only thing I could make out clearly was "Andy," "Problem," "Eliminate," something. I don't know what it meant.
32922 6 24 The Cover-Up 5009 Andy What? You don't know what it meant? How about "Andy is a problem and we must eliminate him?"
32923 6 24 The Cover-Up 5009 Darryl Whoa. I hadn't even thought of that.
32924 6 24 The Cover-Up 5009 Andy Yeah. Hah. Hoo.
32925 6 24 The Cover-Up 5010 Kelly Oh, hey, I love your earrings.
32926 6 24 The Cover-Up 5010 Donna Thank you.
32927 6 24 The Cover-Up 5010 Kelly Did Michael get them for you?
32928 6 24 The Cover-Up 5010 Donna No, I bought them myself.
32929 6 24 The Cover-Up 5010 Kelly Where?
32930 6 24 The Cover-Up 5010 Donna Steamtown Mall.
32931 6 24 The Cover-Up 5010 Kelly Claire's? Zales? Ricky's? Earring, Earrings? Fancy Girl? Platinum Cat? Where?
32932 6 24 The Cover-Up 5010 Donna You know, I actually got them in Philadelphia, in a mall down there.
32933 6 24 The Cover-Up 5010 Kelly Franklin Mills? King of Prussia? Springfield? Governor's Place?
32934 6 24 The Cover-Up 5010 Donna Uh, Franklin Mills.
32935 6 24 The Cover-Up 5010 Jim What?
32936 6 24 The Cover-Up 5010 Pam Hmm? Oh. It's probably nothing.
32937 6 24 The Cover-Up 5011 Pam Okay, heart-shaped jewelry is not something that a woman buys for herself. A man definitely bought it for her recently, and it wasn't Michael.
32938 6 24 The Cover-Up 5011 Jim Wait, so are you... you like heart-shaped jewelry, though, right?
32939 6 24 The Cover-Up 5011 Pam No. Except for the pendant that you bought me. Which I love.
32940 6 24 The Cover-Up 5012 Creed Psst...
32941 6 24 The Cover-Up 5013 Andy Creed's head of quality assurance. So he'd definitely be wrapped up in this.
32942 6 24 The Cover-Up 5014 Creed So there I am, minding my own business and Darnell offers me three bucks. All I gotta do is walk by Andy and go like this. Darnell's a chump. I would have done it for anything. I've done a lot more for a lot less.
32943 6 24 The Cover-Up 5015 Pam So it turns out Donna and I have a facebook friend of a friend in common, so I was able to see some of her pictures online. This was taken two weeks ago. And this was taken the same night. This photo was taken this morning. It's Cece. She's never gonna do anything wrong.
32944 6 24 The Cover-Up 5016 Donna Isn't that something?
32945 6 24 The Cover-Up 5016 Michael Wow. That's exciting.
32946 6 24 The Cover-Up 5016 Pam Hey, Michael.
32947 6 24 The Cover-Up 5016 Michael Hey.
32948 6 24 The Cover-Up 5016 Pam I'm sorry to interrupt you. Um, I actually have something very important to talk to you about, business related.
32949 6 24 The Cover-Up 5016 Michael Well it can wait. It can wait.
32950 6 24 The Cover-Up 5016 Pam I lied it's personal. It's about me and Jim. We're... I just... you're the only person I can talk to.
32951 6 24 The Cover-Up 5016 Michael Jim is her husband.
32952 6 24 The Cover-Up 5016 Donna Oh.
32953 6 24 The Cover-Up 5016 Pam And...
32954 6 24 The Cover-Up 5016 Michael And they are having problems, so sh...
32955 6 24 The Cover-Up 5016 Pam No, not... we're not... we're not having problems. But it is personal. And I would love...
32956 6 24 The Cover-Up 5016 Michael Good in bed.
32957 6 24 The Cover-Up 5016 Pam Yes. Yes, I desperately want to speak with you about my s*x life with Jim.
32958 6 24 The Cover-Up 5016 Michael Oh, my God. Look at how cheap street level rooms are. Am I the only person who enjoys people watching?
32959 6 24 The Cover-Up 5016 Pam I need you to sign this! So bad!
32960 6 24 The Cover-Up 5016 Michael Okay, weirdo.
32961 6 24 The Cover-Up 5016 Pam I love ... this idea is neat. I've never been. It sounds lovely.
32962 6 24 The Cover-Up 5016 Donna Yeah I think it'll be a nice trip. We're gonna get a lot done.
32963 6 24 The Cover-Up 5016 Pam You're gonna wanna look at the date on that. Oh, wow. Look at... golfing. Are you a golfer?
32964 6 24 The Cover-Up 5016 Donna I am, but I, I gave my clubs away. I swear too much. Hey, you okay?
32965 6 24 The Cover-Up 5016 Michael Yeah, I just remembered that I have to go to the bathroom. Pam?
32966 6 24 The Cover-Up 5016 Pam Absolutely.
32967 6 24 The Cover-Up 5017 Darryl Look, I'm not down there anymore, so if the guys start making fun of you, you just, you gotta stand up for yourself.
32968 6 24 The Cover-Up 5017 Glen I know, it's just, I'm scared...
32969 6 24 The Cover-Up 5017 Andy Your text said 911.
32970 6 24 The Cover-Up 5017 Darryl Glen, could you excuse us?
32971 6 24 The Cover-Up 5017 Darryl It's bad.
32972 6 24 The Cover-Up 5017 Andy What's bad?
32973 6 24 The Cover-Up 5017 Darryl It's real bad.
32974 6 24 The Cover-Up 5018 Darryl Still no plan.
32975 6 24 The Cover-Up 5019 Andy Oh, God.
32976 6 24 The Cover-Up 5019 Darryl It's getting bigger.
32977 6 24 The Cover-Up 5019 Andy I might have to go public here, but no one's gonna believe me. Uh... I need proof. I need, like, a printer to catch on fire.
32978 6 24 The Cover-Up 5019 Darryl I can videotape it.
32979 6 24 The Cover-Up 5019 Andy Yeah.
32980 6 24 The Cover-Up 5019 Darryl There it is.
32981 6 24 The Cover-Up 5019 Andy There what is?
32982 6 24 The Cover-Up 5019 Darryl What?
32983 6 24 The Cover-Up 5020 Michael Who the hell is this? Who is this guy?
32984 6 24 The Cover-Up 5020 Pam I don't know who he is.
32985 6 24 The Cover-Up 5020 Michael God! Lowest of the low. That guy. Just a notch above Toby. You know what?
32986 6 24 The Cover-Up 5020 Pam What?
32987 6 24 The Cover-Up 5020 Michael I'm gonna kill him. No, I'm not. I feel... I... no, I'm not going to kill him.
32988 6 24 The Cover-Up 5020 Pam You just have to go in there. You have to hear it from her.
32989 6 24 The Cover-Up 5020 Michael I have to hear it from her.
32990 6 24 The Cover-Up 5020 Pam You have to settle down first.
32991 6 24 The Cover-Up 5020 Michael I need to have her tell me herself. Right?
32992 6 24 The Cover-Up 5020 Pam Okay. Okay. Yes.
32993 6 24 The Cover-Up 5020 Michael I need to have her say...
32994 6 24 The Cover-Up 5020 Pam Yeah, but you have to calm...
32995 6 24 The Cover-Up 5020 Michael I need to say, "What the hell is that? What the hell is that?"
32996 6 24 The Cover-Up 5020 Pam Okay. Look at this, look at this. Baby picture.
32997 6 24 The Cover-Up 5020 Michael No, God! No, no, oh, my God!
32998 6 24 The Cover-Up 5020 Pam Hi, Michael, hi, Michael
32999 6 24 The Cover-Up 5020 Michael Okay. Okay. Okay.
33000 6 24 The Cover-Up 5021 Gabe I talked to corporate. Turns out there have been 12 reports of faulty printers. Out of 400,000. We've investigated. Every time it's been user error. They block the vents or something, I don't know. That's why we have the fine print. Thank you for bringing this to our attention. So I'd like to reward you for that. That's god for five bucks at Dunkin' Donuts. Any Dunkin' Donuts.
33001 6 24 The Cover-Up 5022 Michael You know what? We should really do something fun this week.
33002 6 24 The Cover-Up 5022 Donna Yeah, we should.
33003 6 24 The Cover-Up 5022 Michael Wouldn't that be fun?
33004 6 24 The Cover-Up 5022 Donna Yeah.
33005 6 24 The Cover-Up 5022 Michael How about Thursday?
33006 6 24 The Cover-Up 5022 Donna Thursday works. Yeah, what do you wanna do?
33007 6 24 The Cover-Up 5022 Michael I can't do Thursday. Book club. How about Friday?
33008 6 24 The Cover-Up 5022 Donna Oh, Friday doesn't work.
33009 6 24 The Cover-Up 5022 Michael Oh, really? 'cause I was thinking we could go to this concert. Spice Girls are opening for Weird Al. Front row. It'd be a great, great concert.
33010 6 24 The Cover-Up 5022 Donna Shoot. I'm working.
33011 6 24 The Cover-Up 5022 Michael Oh okay. Well, maybe I could stop by.
33012 6 24 The Cover-Up 5022 Donna Well, won't you be at the concert?
33013 6 24 The Cover-Up 5022 Michael Nope, that's Tuesday.
33014 6 24 The Cover-Up 5022 Donna Oh, well, I can make it on Tuesday.
33015 6 24 The Cover-Up 5022 Michael You're cheating. You're cheating on me.
33016 6 24 The Cover-Up 5022 Donna How do you know?
33017 6 24 The Cover-Up 5022 Michael Pam told me.
33018 6 24 The Cover-Up 5022 Pam Did she see me?
33019 6 24 The Cover-Up 5022 Jim Nice effort.
33020 6 24 The Cover-Up 5023 Andy We're printing on 24-pound premium stock paper, approximately 300 sheets in. So far, no signs of distress.
33021 6 24 The Cover-Up 5023 Darryl You haven't even introduced yourself.
33022 6 24 The Cover-Up 5023 Andy Right. My name is Andrew Baines Bernard, and if you're watching this, it's because I've turned State's witness because I'm in danger because I know too much.
33023 6 24 The Cover-Up 5023 Darryl You should talk in a higher voice 'cause the camera makes you sound weird.
33024 6 24 The Cover-Up 5023 Andy Higher? Okay. Recently certain events have come to my attention...
33025 6 24 The Cover-Up 5023 Darryl Higher.
33026 6 24 The Cover-Up 5023 Andy Make it higher? Okay.
33027 6 24 The Cover-Up 5023 Darryl Mm-hmm
33028 6 24 The Cover-Up 5023 Andy I have come to the conclusion that the Sabre corporation...
33029 6 24 The Cover-Up 5023 Darryl One more, yeah.
33030 6 24 The Cover-Up 5023 Andy May be overlooking certain safety regulations. At the danger... ah! It's working. It's... I knew it!
33031 6 24 The Cover-Up 5023 Darryl This...
33032 6 24 The Cover-Up 5023 Andy We are blowin' the roof off! Blowin' the roof off! Nice. Nice. This is my partner, Darryl Philbin. He's been my partner through this entire thing.
33033 6 24 The Cover-Up 5024 Darryl I don't wanna prank anymore. Things get real. It's not funny. I'm just gonna be good, stay in my room, go to church, try to do one nice thing per day. I do not wanna prank anymore.
33034 6 24 The Cover-Up 5025 Michael Who is he?
33035 6 24 The Cover-Up 5025 Donna What, what do you mean?
33036 6 24 The Cover-Up 5025 Michael The other man. Who's the guy? Who is it?
33037 6 24 The Cover-Up 5025 Donna It's you. I'm married.
33038 6 24 The Cover-Up 5025 Michael I'm the mistress?
33039 6 24 The Cover-Up 5026 Dwight Okay, everybody, let's take this next hill.
33040 6 24 The Cover-Up 5026 Gym Instructor Excuse me. Yeah, I'd appreciate it if you'd just let me run this.
33041 6 24 The Cover-Up 5026 Dwight You know what? You had your chance. You're no leader. Out of your seat, let's blast!
33042 6 24 The Cover-Up 5026 Gym instructor Don't listen to him, we're approaching a cooldown down a gentle hill.
33043 6 24 The Cover-Up 5026 Dwight No! The hill's a trap. Let's take the dirt road off to the side.
33044 6 24 The Cover-Up 5026 Gym instructor No, guys, no. We're just cooling down...
33045 6 24 The Cover-Up 5026 Dwight If they catch us, they will rape us. Go for the cliff. And three, two, one... jump! No! You're dead, you're dead, you're dead. Good jump. You're barely alive. Okay, now nice cooldown. Check your pulse rate.
33046 6 25 The Chump 5027 Toby This here is a radon test kit. Okay I will be putting 'em everywhere. And... please don't throw these out. This is a radon test kit. Please don't throw these out. See them all over the office.
33047 6 25 The Chump 5028 Michael Toby has been leaving radon kits everywhere, like he owns the place. The first time I threw mine away, I thought it was an ant trap. But I figured I'd rather live with ants than with his creepy little disc. The second time... I thought it was one of those, you know, those things you turn over and it moos. Like a cow thing. But upon closer examination, it was another ant trap, so I threw it away. And the third time... I did it out of spite.
33048 6 25 The Chump 5029 Michael Pfffffttt.
33049 6 25 The Chump 5029 Toby Come on, Michael. You're interrupting.
33050 6 25 The Chump 5029 Michael You're kidding me? God! You say radon is silent, but deadly, and then you expect me not to make farting noises with my mouth? What is this?
33051 6 25 The Chump 5029 Toby Please sit down.
33052 6 25 The Chump 5029 Michael You know what? We're not gonna die of radon, we're gonna die of boredom.
33053 6 25 The Chump 5029 Everyone YEAH!
33054 6 25 The Chump 5029 Michael Right? And if I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.
33055 6 25 The Chump 5029 Everyone No. No!
33056 6 25 The Chump 5029 Jim That's... not okay.
33057 6 25 The Chump 5029 Michael Okay, alright.
33058 6 25 The Chump 5029 Dwight You were being really funny, and then you went too far.
33059 6 25 The Chump 5029 Michael I would kill Bin Laden and then Toby.
33060 6 25 The Chump 5029 Dwight No, hmmm... that's still...
33061 6 25 The Chump 5029 Everyone Mm-mm.
33062 6 25 The Chump 5029 Michael Okay geniuses, how would you do it?
33063 6 25 The Chump 5029 Creed Curve the bullet. Like in my favorite James McAvoy film, Wanted.
33064 6 25 The Chump 5029 Oscar All that does is help you shoot around things. What does Bin Laden...
33065 6 25 The Chump 5029 Ryan Is there a curtain rod in the room?
33066 6 25 The Chump 5029 Michael I don't know.
33067 6 25 The Chump 5029 Stanley How about make-believe land has anything you want?
33068 6 25 The Chump 5029 Jim Stanley, please, this is serious!
33069 6 25 The Chump 5029 Angela Is this the thing where they use an icicle so there's no evidence?
33070 6 25 The Chump 5029 Michael Yes, we stab Toby through the heart with an icicle.
33071 6 25 The Chump 5029 Dwight Come on, the whole two bullet thing is a red herring. Here's how you do it: You line them all up, you take one bullet, shoot them all through the throat at the same time. Watch this. Phyllis, you're Hitler. Come up here. Toby, you're Toby. Andy, you're Bin Laden. Line up, throats together.
33072 6 25 The Chump 5029 Toby I don't wanna do this.
33073 6 25 The Chump 5029 Michael Toby, just do it! God!
33074 6 25 The Chump 5029 Dwight Toby, come on.
33075 6 25 The Chump 5029 Dwight Ready, one bullet. And boom!
33076 6 25 The Chump 5029 Everyone Yeah, that works. That works!
33077 6 25 The Chump 5029 Michael Good work.
33078 6 25 The Chump 5030 Pam What flavors did you get?
33079 6 25 The Chump 5030 Erin It's so exciting Pam. The Eagles are doing a theme of ice creams in honor of turning 60.
33080 6 25 The Chump 5030 Pam Despera-dough. Witchy-womanilla. Why do they do this?
33081 6 25 The Chump 5030 Erin Do you want me to go back to the store?
33082 6 25 The Chump 5030 Pam No, no, no, it's fine. I was just commenting. We gotta get these out, open 'em up.
33083 6 25 The Chump 5031 Erin This is all for Michael. It turns out his girlfriend was married.
33084 6 25 The Chump 5031 Pam Yeah, and when Michael gets a broken heart, this whole place comes to a halt, so we're just trying to get out in front of this.
33085 6 25 The Chump 5031 Erin After his last breakup, he ate 40,000 calories in three hours. Right, Pam? That's what Pam told me.
33086 6 25 The Chump 5031 Pam Yeah, or no... well... I don't know. I'm sorry. I was up all night with Cece, otherwise I'd be running this.
33087 6 25 The Chump 5031 Erin That's okay. You probably shouldn't keep a baby up that late, though.
33088 6 25 The Chump 5032 Erin We have Mr. Bean playing in the conference room and the Pink Panther movie in his office. With half hour shifts to watch it with him.
33089 6 25 The Chump 5032 Pam And we need bodies in both these rooms, people. So please sign up.
33090 6 25 The Chump 5032 Erin He's coming.
33091 6 25 The Chump 5032 Pam Oh, okay. Everyone, remember, when he get's like this, he will wallow, if you empathize. Keep conversations light and if you get stuck, and you don't know what to do, make a random sound effect okay? Farting noise, whatever. Okay.
33092 6 25 The Chump 5032 Toby Hey everyone.
33093 6 25 The Chump 5032 Pam No, out! Get out now! Leave now.
33094 6 25 The Chump 5032 Dwight Leave, get outta here.
33095 6 25 The Chump 5032 Pam Leave!
33096 6 25 The Chump 5032 Dwight Right now!
33097 6 25 The Chump 5032 Pam Oh, and if he makes a joke, just laugh it up, no matter what. Okay?
33098 6 25 The Chump 5032 Michael Morning everyone.
33099 6 25 The Chump 5032 Everyone Hey! Hey, hey!
33100 6 25 The Chump 5032 Erin Hi Michael.
33101 6 25 The Chump 5032 Michael Hello!
33102 6 25 The Chump 5032 Dwight Michael, nice tie or something.
33103 6 25 The Chump 5032 Michael Oh, thank you. It's reversible, I think.
33104 6 25 The Chump 5032 Kevin That's hilarious.
33105 6 25 The Chump 5032 Pam That's awesome. You want some ice cream?
33106 6 25 The Chump 5032 Michael Oh! Oh wow, are those Eagles' flavors? Cake it to the Limit. That's my favorite! I love that! Too much for me to have by myself. Anybody wanna share?
33107 6 25 The Chump 5032 Kevin Boi-oi-oi-ing
33108 6 25 The Chump 5032 Michael Okay. Well... that's random. I will dig into those later.
33109 6 25 The Chump 5033 Lawyer I don't follow this exactly. Uh, "The Descendants of any replicants from this union shall have..."
33110 6 25 The Chump 5033 Dwight, Angela Joint custody
33111 6 25 The Chump 5033 Lawyer Are we talking about your grandchildren?
33112 6 25 The Chump 5033 Angela No.
33113 6 25 The Chump 5033 Dwight No.
33114 6 25 The Chump 5034 Angela Rather than spend all day in court, we've decided to settle our dispute using a mediator. It was an option spelled out in our childrearing contract.
33115 6 25 The Chump 5034 Dwight Alleged contract.
33116 6 25 The Chump 5034 Angela Alleged? I'm going to own your farm by the time this is over.
33117 6 25 The Chump 5034 Dwight Just try. I will do legal jujitsu on you. Gyah! See, don't even need to make contact. The law will do it.
33118 6 25 The Chump 5035 Dwight So much of this is just impossible to verify. Item five, point "B", uh... the beet juice cleanse?
33119 6 25 The Chump 5035 Angela I'm doing it. You know I am. It's disgusting.
33120 6 25 The Chump 5035 Dwight How do we know this? I'd like to see a stool sample.
33121 6 25 The Chump 5035 Angela Dwight, look at my teeth.
33122 6 25 The Chump 5035 Dwight Eughh.
33123 6 25 The Chump 5036 Andy No secret crying. Hasn't even opened the tissue box in there.
33124 6 25 The Chump 5036 Pam Could he still be seeing her?
33125 6 25 The Chump 5036 Phyllis I don't think he'd do that.
33126 6 25 The Chump 5036 Jim So we're gonna say the most likely scenerio is that Michael matured overnight?
33127 6 25 The Chump 5036 Andy Well, it happened to Tom Hanks in Big.
33128 6 25 The Chump 5036 Jim Exactly. It happened in Big.
33129 6 25 The Chump 5037 Michael No, I gotta go. Text me later.
33130 6 25 The Chump 5037 Jim I'm really too tired to do this.
33131 6 25 The Chump 5037 Pam Me too!
33132 6 25 The Chump 5037 Jim Then let's just not do this. Do you have any idea the risks involved?
33133 6 25 The Chump 5037 Pam Hey Michael.
33134 6 25 The Chump 5037 Michael Hey.
33135 6 25 The Chump 5037 Pam We were wondering if you would like to have dinner with us tonight, in our home, and play with our baby.
33136 6 25 The Chump 5037 Jim We can order in from Hooters.
33137 6 25 The Chump 5037 Michael Oh, Hooters to go. Nice.
33138 6 25 The Chump 5037 Pam We can watch a movie and play Rock Band.
33139 6 25 The Chump 5037 Jim Billy Joel Rock Band.
33140 6 25 The Chump 5037 Michael That... exists?
33141 6 25 The Chump 5037 Pam Yes.
33142 6 25 The Chump 5037 Michael Okay, well, I'll have to take a rain check, but thanks for the offer.
33143 6 25 The Chump 5037 Pam Michael Scott, are you still seeing Donna?
33144 6 25 The Chump 5037 Michael Okay, Pam... she's not invisible so stop asking silly questions.
33145 6 25 The Chump 5037 Phyllis Oh Michael.
33146 6 25 The Chump 5037 Michael Since when is this an office where we delve into each other's personal lives?
33147 6 25 The Chump 5038 Michael I like Donna. Is it wrong to keep seeing her? Depends on who you ask. I mean, if you ask her husband... or you took a random poll, yeah, it's wrong.
33148 6 25 The Chump 5039 Meredith That is something I would never do.
33149 6 25 The Chump 5039 Michael Well, I think we all know what you're capable of Meredith.
33150 6 25 The Chump 5039 Meredith Hey, I have never cheated on, been cheated on, or been used to cheat with.
33151 6 25 The Chump 5040 Meredith I ask... everyone in the room, "Are you in a relationship?".
33152 6 25 The Chump 5041 Michael People, this is Scranton. And many people consider that to be the Paris of northeastern Pennsylvania. And in Paris, it is rude for a woman to have less than four lovers.
33153 6 25 The Chump 5041 Kelly Eughh, Ryan, I do not want you hanging around Michael anymore.
33154 6 25 The Chump 5041 Ryan Okay.
33155 6 25 The Chump 5041 Michael I will have you know that I asked Donna about this and she is fine with it. And just to be sure, I asked her again afterward. Same answer.
33156 6 25 The Chump 5041 Andy How does he feel about it?
33157 6 25 The Chump 5041 Michael He is never gonna find out. He is a high school baseball coach. He wakes up early. He goes to bed early. Look at how long it took for him to find out. It was right under his nose. I had to tell him.
33158 6 25 The Chump 5041 Jim Now you're just being hurtful.
33159 6 25 The Chump 5041 Michael I'm sorry, it... why is it okay for Stanley to cheat or for Phyllis to cheat...
33160 6 25 The Chump 5041 Phyllis Hey!
33161 6 25 The Chump 5041 Michael On her diet! He's a sports guy. He's scummy. Dogfighting. Drugs. They spit.
33162 6 25 The Chump 5041 Andy Did Donna tell you that?
33163 6 25 The Chump 5041 Michael Real sports with Bryant Gumble.
33164 6 25 The Chump 5041 Andy So you're just making a giant assumption. You don't even know the guy.
33165 6 25 The Chump 5041 Michael You know what? You know what? I am declaring a moment of silence right now. Ten minutes of silence honoring Michael Jackson. just sit there and think about Michael jackson.
33166 6 25 The Chump 5042 Andy My name is Andy Bernard and I am a cuckold. For those of you unfamiliar with William Shakespeare, a cuckold is a man whose woman is cheating on him. I've lived the part. And let me tell you, I'd so much rather play the part on stage.
33167 6 25 The Chump 5043 Andy So... here's the thing about infidelity.
33168 6 25 The Chump 5043 Michael Mm, no, when are you people going to stop casting the first stone? I am not in the wrong here. I am the good guy.
33169 6 25 The Chump 5043 Andy How does that work?
33170 6 25 The Chump 5043 Michael Do you think this husband is a super sweet nice guy? Do you think he's an angel? I don't think so. Why is his wife going off and having a little something-something with me? There has to be a problem with him.
33171 6 25 The Chump 5043 Andy In any cheating movie, the person getting cheated on is the hero. You're Ali Larter, I'm Beyonce.
33172 6 25 The Chump 5043 Michael I am Beyonce always.
33173 6 25 The Chump 5043 Andy Not this time.
33174 6 25 The Chump 5043 Michael Yes, I am.
33175 6 25 The Chump 5043 Andy This guy's a high school baseball coach, right? Let's go check him out, see what a horrible person he is.
33176 6 25 The Chump 5043 Michael I would love that.
33177 6 25 The Chump 5043 Andy Yeah. Those teams have games and practices every day. Let's go check it out.
33178 6 25 The Chump 5043 Michael I have work to do.
33179 6 25 The Chump 5043 Andy Oh, really? I thought you were the boss.
33180 6 25 The Chump 5043 Michael Let's go. I can't wait to see this jerk who is making me cheat on his wife. I should punch him in the nose for what he's making me do to her.
33181 6 25 The Chump 5044 Andy Bum bum BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM bum bum
33182 6 25 The Chump 5044 Michael All right, Andy, please.
33183 6 25 The Chump 5044 Andy Baseball!
33184 6 25 The Chump 5044 Michael Shh! Try not to draw attention, please. That's him. That's him.
33185 6 25 The Chump 5044 Andy Where?
33186 6 25 The Chump 5044 Michael Right there. The coach!
33187 6 25 The Chump 5044 Andy Stage right or stage left? I played batboy in damn yankees!
33188 6 25 The Chump 5044 Michael Right there. Look, look. Follow my finger. Okay? see? The grownup by the base?
33189 6 25 The Chump 5044 Andy And Now, coaching third base with two arms, two legs, and no heart. Capable of feeling pain.
33190 6 25 The Chump 5044 Michael All right. Can you just-- can you just act normal for a second, please?
33191 6 25 The Chump 5044 Andy Whatever. I'm the one blending in.
33192 6 25 The Chump 5045 Gabe Guys?
33193 6 25 The Chump 5045 Jim Pam.
33194 6 25 The Chump 5045 Pam Mm. Hey. Oh, hi, Gabe.
33195 6 25 The Chump 5045 Gabe Can you two please join me in my office? Now.
33196 6 25 The Chump 5045 Pam You were supposed to be the Lookout.
33197 6 25 The Chump 5045 Jim Yeah, well it's really warm in here. It's like a sleeping bag.
33198 6 25 The Chump 5046 Gabe I don't wanna be the heavy here, but honestly, guys, this makes us all look bad.
33199 6 25 The Chump 5046 Jim Sorry about that.
33200 6 25 The Chump 5046 Pam So embarrassing.
33201 6 25 The Chump 5046 Gabe Good. Okay. End of the dressing down. I just hate that part of the job, you know, the power dynamics.
33202 6 25 The Chump 5046 Jim Well, you were surprisingly restrained.
33203 6 25 The Chump 5046 Pam We will be well-rested tomorrow.
33204 6 25 The Chump 5046 Gabe Okay. That's great, actually, because I wanted to talk to you about something else.
33205 6 25 The Chump 5046 Jim Excellent. Go for it.
33206 6 25 The Chump 5046 Gabe I'm sure you got my email about the printer fires. The one with the branching decision tree? I actually designed that chart. Kinda hoping it catches on. Anyway, the question is, what is the best way to disseminate important information in an efficient way?
33207 6 25 The Chump 5046 Jim Right? So, uh, let's uh...
33208 6 25 The Chump 5047 Lawyer Finally there's a provision here in the occurrence that the child is born an old man, a la Benjamin Button.
33209 6 25 The Chump 5047 Angela Same page. Go to the next one.
33210 6 25 The Chump 5047 Dwight Same page. Just keep moving.
33211 6 25 The Chump 5047 Lawyer Despite the provision covering whether this is all part of the matrix--
33212 6 25 The Chump 5047 Dwight Which we can't know.
33213 6 25 The Chump 5047 Lawyer This is essentially...
33214 6 25 The Chump 5047 Dwight Unless we're unplugged.
33215 6 25 The Chump 5047 Lawyer Equivalent to a donor or surrogate contractor.
33216 6 25 The Chump 5047 Dwight And wake up in the future.
33217 6 25 The Chump 5047 Lawyer Which is actually pretty common. So I have to tell you that this is a solid contract.
33218 6 25 The Chump 5047 Dwight What?
33219 6 25 The Chump 5047 Lawyer Look, I can't enforce that anybody have a child with anyone else.
33220 6 25 The Chump 5047 Angela What?
33221 6 25 The Chump 5047 Lawyer So essentially, this comes down to damages. Now, there is some precedence for the range of $30,000.
33222 6 25 The Chump 5047 Dwight What?
33223 6 25 The Chump 5048 Dwight I don't have $30,000 lying around. I have it buried very deeply, and I don't want to dig past a certain someone to get it.
33224 6 25 The Chump 5049 Andy Chase Dixon is up. Could be a big play.
33225 6 25 The Chump 5049 Michael You have no idea what you're talking about.
33226 6 25 The Chump 5049 Andy I know it's like cricket.
33227 6 25 The Chump 5049 Michael You don't. No, no.
33228 6 25 The Chump 5049 Andy And it's--there's-- well, home plate is like a wicket.
33229 6 25 The Chump 5049 Michael You don't know. You don't-- you don't know anything. Look at him. Look at him over there. High-fiving? He didn't even do anything. Kid did all the work. I bet he does that at home. I bet it's like, "Hey, Donna, why don't you wash the dishes?" "High-five, Donna." "Hey, why don't you bring me my slippers?" "Hi-five. I'm taking all the credit."
33230 6 25 The Chump 5049 Andy Seems pretty well liked by the team.
33231 6 25 The Chump 5049 Michael Okay, well, that's because he's paying their salary.
33232 6 25 The Chump 5049 Andy You do know that high school coaches don't pay their players.
33233 6 25 The Chump 5049 Michael I know, I know, I know. It--I'm--it-- that was a euphemism.
33234 6 25 The Chump 5050 Dwight $30,000? There's gotta be another way.
33235 6 25 The Chump 5050 Angela He has a 60-acre beet farm that is worth a small fortune.
33236 6 25 The Chump 5050 Dwight Look, I will not pay.
33237 6 25 The Chump 5050 Angela Well, I have an alternative.
33238 6 25 The Chump 5050 Dwight "Intercourse to completion. Five individual times rendered at my discretion?"
33239 6 25 The Chump 5050 Lawyer Look, I don't think that's actually legal.
33240 6 25 The Chump 5050 Dwight Agreed.
33241 6 25 The Chump 5051 Dwight Five times for $30,000? Not a bad stud fee. Better than most horses.
33242 6 25 The Chump 5052 Dwight But not in your bed. It's lumpy.
33243 6 25 The Chump 5052 Angela Those lumps are cats, and those cats have names, and those names are Ember, Milky Way, Diane, and Lumpy.
33244 6 25 The Chump 5052 Dwight Fine. Five times.
33245 6 25 The Chump 5052 Lawyer Look, I can't legally watch this unfold. It's coming a little dangerously close to prostitution.
33246 6 25 The Chump 5052 Angela I want eye contact.
33247 6 25 The Chump 5052 Dwight No.
33248 6 25 The Chump 5052 Angela Yes.
33249 6 25 The Chump 5052 Dwight Do you understand how rare is that in nature?
33250 6 25 The Chump 5052 Angela I'm not some farm animal.
33251 6 25 The Chump 5053 Andy Great game, coach.
33252 6 25 The Chump 5053 Michael Shh! Okay, all right. Don't, don't.
33253 6 25 The Chump 5053 Andy You guys are awesome! Best game I've ever seen in my life.
33254 6 25 The Chump 5053 Shane Yeah, right. You must be rootin' for the other guys.
33255 6 25 The Chump 5053 Andy Ha. The other guys can go die.
33256 6 25 The Chump 5053 Michael Okay.
33257 6 25 The Chump 5053 Andy Baseball! Go talk to him.
33258 6 25 The Chump 5053 Michael No. God. You go talk to him.
33259 6 25 The Chump 5054 Shane Let's go.
33260 6 25 The Chump 5054 Andy Shane. Great game man!
33261 6 25 The Chump 5054 Shane Do I know you?
33262 6 25 The Chump 5054 Andy No. Uh, just big fans. Both of us.
33263 6 25 The Chump 5054 Shane Are you somebody's... parents? Oh, are you guys... Kenny's dads?
33264 6 25 The Chump 5054 Andy Ha. No. No. But we're gay for baseball.
33265 6 25 The Chump 5054 Shane Okay.
33266 6 25 The Chump 5054 Andy But I have a wife, actually, who I really love a lot.
33267 6 25 The Chump 5054 Shane Okay. Let's go!
33268 6 25 The Chump 5054 Andy Yeah. I am so into the institution of marriage.
33269 6 25 The Chump 5054 Shane Whoa!
33270 6 25 The Chump 5054 Andy I mean, isn't marriage the best, you know? Two good people finding each other, getting all committed to each other. So you love baseball. What else do you love? Let's round you out as a person.
33271 6 25 The Chump 5054 Shane Hey, I'm really sorry, I'm just trying to... focus here on the game.
33272 6 25 The Chump 5054 Andy I get it, man. I love it. That's what makes you a good coach. You know, but as a fan, it just helps me enjoy the game better if I know the coach loves his wife.
33273 6 25 The Chump 5054 Shane Of course. Okay? I gotta... get back to this.
33274 6 25 The Chump 5054 Andy Of course.
33275 6 25 The Chump 5054 Shane All right.
33276 6 25 The Chump 5054 Andy But real quick, I want you to meet my associate. Sheldon!
33277 6 25 The Chump 5054 Michael No, no, no.
33278 6 25 The Chump 5054 Andy Come on, get over here.
33279 6 25 The Chump 5054 Michael I'm good. Oh, my God.
33280 6 25 The Chump 5054 Andy Get- Get over here. Sheldon, say hi to the nice coach.
33281 6 25 The Chump 5054 Michael Sorry. I got some stomach cramps.
33282 6 25 The Chump 5054 Shane It's all right. It's all right. Keep it going.
33283 6 25 The Chump 5054 Michael Well, that was not at all what I expected. Hoo hoo! Whoo. My heart's still racing. I just looked a man in the eyes and I shook his hand. All the time I was thinking, "I'm sleeping with your wife." And you know who does that? James freakin' Bond.
33284 6 25 The Chump 5055 Michael Okay, orange slices. There ya go.
33285 6 25 The Chump 5055 Erin Thanks, Michael.
33286 6 25 The Chump 5055 Michael Don't thank me. Thank Dylan's mom. Here you go! Oh! Ooh Hoo Hoo Hoo hoo!
33287 6 25 The Chump 5055 Oscar Why would you throw something wet at me?
33288 6 25 The Chump 5055 Michael You love it. There ya go.
33289 6 25 The Chump 5055 Jim Now, were those for the team?
33290 6 25 The Chump 5055 Michael Uh, no, they didn't say team. They just said coal Hawks.
33291 6 25 The Chump 5055 Jim Ah.
33292 6 25 The Chump 5055 Pam I don't think those were yours to take.
33293 6 25 The Chump 5055 Michael Well, then it wouldn't be the first time I stole something away from Coach Shane.
33294 6 25 The Chump 5055 Andy I just wanna go on record as saying that I do not condone this affair, and I went so far as to force Michael to confront the victim of his behavior.
33295 6 25 The Chump 5055 Pam Did you talk to him?
33296 6 25 The Chump 5055 Michael I did.
33297 6 25 The Chump 5055 Pam You talked to the man whose wife you're having an affair with.
33298 6 25 The Chump 5055 Kevin Wow. That is crazy.
33299 6 25 The Chump 5055 Phyllis Was there a fistfight?
33300 6 25 The Chump 5055 Michael No. We just talked. He's very nice.
33301 6 25 The Chump 5055 Phyllis And it didn't change your mind.
33302 6 25 The Chump 5055 Michael It did not.
33303 6 25 The Chump 5055 Phyllis Michael, that's awful.
33304 6 25 The Chump 5055 Michael Isn't it?
33305 6 25 The Chump 5055 Phyllis Yes.
33306 6 25 The Chump 5055 Michael I'm awful, aren't I?
33307 6 25 The Chump 5055 Kevin Yeah. That's pretty bad.
33308 6 25 The Chump 5055 Michael I'm an awful guy! Ooh!
33309 6 25 The Chump 5055 Oscar How can you live with yourself?
33310 6 25 The Chump 5055 Michael I am what I am, Oscar. And I want what I want. And right now, I want a piece of cake. From now on, when I'm hungry, I am going to eat whatever I am hungry for.
33311 6 25 The Chump 5055 Kevin That is a dangerous game, friendo.
33312 6 25 The Chump 5056 Kelly Well, because I thought that it was a book about Anthropology the store.
33313 6 25 The Chump 5056 Ryan I don't know why you were in that part of the bookstore.
33314 6 25 The Chump 5056 Kelly 'Cause it's next to they baby section, okay?
33315 6 25 The Chump 5056 Ryan All right, that makes more sense. You should have said that at the beginning when you said, "I read a book about anthropology."
33316 6 25 The Chump 5056 Kelly I don't really know why you're screaming at me right now.
33317 6 25 The Chump 5056 Ryan I'm not scream-- I'm not screaming.
33318 6 25 The Chump 5056 Kelly That's Meredith's cake. It's her birthday.
33319 6 25 The Chump 5056 Michael I don't care. I have an appetite for life! Mmm. Mmm! Oh, god. That's Lemon.
33320 6 25 The Chump 5056 Ryan Good for you, man. Good for you.
33321 6 25 The Chump 5057 Ryan He takes what he wants.
33322 6 25 The Chump 5058 Ryan You know what? I think you're attractive, and I wanna sleep with you.
33323 6 25 The Chump 5058 Erin What about Kelly?
33324 6 25 The Chump 5058 Ryan You read my mind.
33325 6 25 The Chump 5058 Erin Is this a joke?
33326 6 25 The Chump 5058 Ryan Yep.
33327 6 25 The Chump 5059 Ryan It's hard to live that way man. You gotta really not care what people think about you. I-I don't know how you do it, Michael, I-I-I can't be that cold.
33328 6 25 The Chump 5059 Michael You'll learn, baby. You'll learn.
33329 6 25 The Chump 5060 Dwight I am an honorable man, and I will honor the contract. But I don't have to give her the good stuff. Schrute sperm are strong, but they're no match for a grown Schrute man. Let's see what she gets. Aah!
33330 6 25 The Chump 5061 Creed Uh, boss, we're out of paper.
33331 6 25 The Chump 5061 Michael Yeah, I noticed that.
33332 6 25 The Chump 5061 Creed Are you gonna add any more?
33333 6 25 The Chump 5061 Michael Nope.
33334 6 25 The Chump 5062 Creed He don't give an "F" about nothin'!
33335 6 25 The Chump 5063 Michael I have got big balls.
33336 6 25 The Chump 5064 Pam I don't think I'm gonna make it.
33337 6 25 The Chump 5064 Jim What about an energy drink or something?
33338 6 25 The Chump 5064 Pam It gets in the breast milk. If I drink it, Cece drinks it six hours later.
33339 6 25 The Chump 5064 Jim Well, it doesn't mean I can't drink it.
33340 6 25 The Chump 5064 Pam Well, it does and it doesn't.
33341 6 25 The Chump 5064 Darryl Probably shouldn't tell you this, but a lotta guys in the warehouse work multiple jobs, so... we have a place.
33342 6 25 The Chump 5064 Jim A place?
33343 6 25 The Chump 5064 Darryl A restful location. Talk to Glen. He'll take you up in the lift.
33344 6 25 The Chump 5064 Pam You sleep in the warehouse?
33345 6 25 The Chump 5064 Darryl Lightbulb's burnt out, so it's dark. And the heat from the backup generator keeps it nice and warm. Sometimes I think about it when I'm trying to fall asleep at home. But as far as the rest of the office goes, it doesn't exist, okay?
33346 6 25 The Chump 5064 Jim Okay.
33347 6 25 The Chump 5064 Darryl Pam.
33348 6 25 The Chump 5064 Pam Okay.
33349 6 25 The Chump 5065 Phyllis For your signature.
33350 6 25 The Chump 5065 Michael Okay. Phyllis. Okay. Look at me. Phyllis, look at-- okay, that's... All right, all right. You know what? I'm sick of this. I'm sick of the little disapproving head shakes. If you think that's going to have any effect on me, it will not. I am going to leave right now and go to a motel to meet Donna.
33351 6 25 The Chump 5065 Kevin Why not your condo?
33352 6 25 The Chump 5065 Michael Because a motel is dirty and it is sexy. Like me. And like Donna. And frankly, the stuff that we're into isn't very condo-appropriate.
33353 6 25 The Chump 5065 Stanley Oh, Michael, will you drop it? Everybody's spoken their mind, and no one's changing their mind.
33354 6 25 The Chump 5065 Michael Okay, Morgan Freeman-narrating-everything.
33355 6 25 The Chump 5065 Andy Do you want someone to stop you? 'Cause no one's going to.
33356 6 25 The Chump 5065 Michael Nobody better try to stop me. Good.
33357 6 25 The Chump 5065 Dwight I could have stopped him.
33358 6 25 The Chump 5066 Dwight Are you warmed up?
33359 6 25 The Chump 5066 Angela No.
33360 6 25 The Chump 5066 Dwight God, Angela, why is that always my responsibility?
33361 6 25 The Chump 5066 Angela What did you do to yourself?
33362 6 25 The Chump 5066 Dwight Never mind. Just never mind.
33363 6 25 The Chump 5066 Angela Well, it better work.
33364 6 25 The Chump 5066 Dwight Oh, it'll work. Mm. Stop kissing me. It's not in the contract.
33365 6 25 The Chump 5067 Michael How do I feel about breaking up with Donna? Good. Moral. I feel proud. Like a grownup. That was not easy because I really liked her a lot. And I'm a little bit emotional right now because I know that I absolutely made the right decision. At the end of the day, we have to do what's right. And it was either living with myself or... being happy. And I picked... the... former.
33366 6 25 The Chump 5068 Reporter Michael Scott?
33367 6 25 The Chump 5068 Michael Yes?
33368 6 25 The Chump 5068 Reporter Do you wanna make a comment on the rumors?
33369 6 25 The Chump 5068 Michael Umm... I have done some very bad things, things of which I am not proud. I would like to publicly apologize to... the coach and the players. And I vow to never listen to my bodily instincts ever again.
33370 6 25 The Chump 5068 Reporter I'm talking about the Sabre printers that catch on fire.
33371 6 25 The Chump 5068 Michael Oh. Okay. I was talking about... what do-- what? What's going on?
33372 6 26 Whistleblower 5069 Michael There is nothing wrong, nor will there ever be wrong with any Sabre printers. Case closed. Michael Scott, as seen on TV.
33373 6 26 Whistleblower 5069 Todd Packer I saw you on the news and I want to pinch your tiny wiener... It's Packer!
33374 6 26 Whistleblower 5069 Michael OH! Pack Man, I thought you were a girl!
33375 6 26 Whistleblower 5070 Michael Apparently, there are allegations that Sabre printers can cause a fire. So they asked me to give a statement to the press. I'm like, what? All right. So I do it. It's on TV last night. And it's in the paper today. And it's online. And then I call Froggy 98.7, the request line. I talk to the host about it on the air. It's like, come on, people, enough.
33376 6 26 Whistleblower 5071 Michael Everybody, we are at DEFCON 5. I am officially the second-most watched clip of the day on the WBRE news site.
33377 6 26 Whistleblower 5071 Oscar What's number one?
33378 6 26 Whistleblower 5071 Michael Oh, that teacher who was wrongfully accused of being a pedophile. Now, we cannot let the pedophile win again! I would like you all to go to the website and watch my clip eleven times.
33379 6 26 Whistleblower 5071 Jim So instead of working, you want...
33380 6 26 Whistleblower 5071 Michael Yes.
33381 6 26 Whistleblower 5071 Jim Okay.
33382 6 26 Whistleblower 5071 Michael Yes. Come on! Get it up! That's what... let's do it!
33383 6 26 Whistleblower 5071 Angela Oh, did you see this report that the zoo got a baby otter? It's on the same site!
33384 6 26 Whistleblower 5071 Phyllis Awww, it's kissing its mommy!
33385 6 26 Whistleblower 5071 Michael Please.
33386 6 26 Whistleblower 5071 Dwight Michael, you have to see, this is like, the cutest thing ever.
33387 6 26 Whistleblower 5072 Michael Really? A baby otter? Okay, um, count me in as who cares. It's not even that interesting a baby otter, it can't even stand up. It's trying to stand up... there it goes.
33388 6 26 Whistleblower 5073 Jo Howdy. I hope I'm not interrupting anything.
33389 6 26 Whistleblower 5073 Michael Jo! We were not expecting you!
33390 6 26 Whistleblower 5073 Jo 'Course you all, no doubt, know why I'm here.
33391 6 26 Whistleblower 5073 Kevin No.
33392 6 26 Whistleblower 5073 Jo Turns out our printers are famous. They're all over the news. It's an interesting story. Cheap foreign printers attacking innocent Americans. Well, actually the, the real story isn't quite as racy, but uh... let's give it a go.
33393 6 26 Whistleblower 5073 Kevin Jo, I think that I know what happened.
33394 6 26 Whistleblower 5073 Jo I'm not sure you do, teddy bear.
33395 6 26 Whistleblower 5073 Kevin Well, now I think I might not.
33396 6 26 Whistleblower 5073 Jo Not long ago, we discovered a defect in one of our printers, so we got a software patch and fixed it right up, just like that. I don't know how it works. But just as we were about to send out a letter to our affected customers, giving 'em free toner, and we keep 'em, happy, but somebody here, they liked that first story better. The one where we lose half our clients for no damn good reason! Whoever it was who talked to the press, they should come forward, please.
33397 6 26 Whistleblower 5073 Michael Jo, Jo, I can assure you it was no one in this office.
33398 6 26 Whistleblower 5073 Jo Can you now?
33399 6 26 Whistleblower 5073 Michael Absolutely. Anyone who talked to the press, please raise your hand.
33400 6 26 Whistleblower 5073 Phyllis Put your hand up, Norma Rae.
33401 6 26 Whistleblower 5073 Andy If you say anything, so help me God, I'll break off the temples of your glasses and stick them in your eye sockets.
33402 6 26 Whistleblower 5074 Andy So unfair. Even if I thought that our printers killed baby seals, I would not be a whistleblower. The Bernards, for generations, have silenced whistleblowers. It's how we made all our money. Woody Guthrie wrote a song about us. Old Mr. Bernard, old Mr. Bernard, who have you silenced today?
33403 6 26 Whistleblower 5075 Jo It's a little form, says "I did not do it."
33404 6 26 Whistleblower 5075 Michael There is no reason for anyone here to sign this, because I know everything there is to know about these people. I know when their birthdays are, I know what their favorite kind of cake is, I know what color streamers they like...
33405 6 26 Whistleblower 5075 Jo All that's just birthday information, Michael.
33406 6 26 Whistleblower 5075 Michael Yes, yes, but it shows a bigger picture.
33407 6 26 Whistleblower 5075 Jo Why don't you come with me? We'll start out with the honcho, what'cha say?
33408 6 26 Whistleblower 5075 Michael Okay.
33409 6 26 Whistleblower 5076 Jo When Mama was working as a prison guard and something went missing, she'd ask one question: What do we do when we find the guilty party? And if they said, "Come down on him with that swift hammer of justice!", innocent. A clear conscience don't need no mercy. But if they said "Officer Bessie, well they may have had a reason, blah blah blah blah", well nine times out of ten, that's the anus they'd check.
33410 6 26 Whistleblower 5077 Jo So say we catch this whistleblower, what do you think I should do with him?
33411 6 26 Whistleblower 5077 Michael We should give him a one-way ticket to Montego Bay, where they keep all the al-Qaeda.
33412 6 26 Whistleblower 5077 Jo Uh, that's, uh, Guantanamo Bay.
33413 6 26 Whistleblower 5077 Michael Yes. You put them in jail for a long time, you put them in jail for as long as you can.
33414 6 26 Whistleblower 5077 Jo Well, I guess we're all right, Michael.
33415 6 26 Whistleblower 5077 Michael I want these people to really pay, I want them to suffer. I'd prefer it if they died, 'cause it's not right.
33416 6 26 Whistleblower 5077 Jo Yeah.
33417 6 26 Whistleblower 5077 Michael Okay.
33418 6 26 Whistleblower 5078 Nick Hey Dwight.
33419 6 26 Whistleblower 5078 Dwight Hey, IT guy.
33420 6 26 Whistleblower 5078 Nick Mind if I get in there for a second?
33421 6 26 Whistleblower 5078 Dwight Oh, sure thing, go ahead.
33422 6 26 Whistleblower 5078 Nick Just one... Gah! Ah! Dwight, what the hell?
33423 6 26 Whistleblower 5078 Dwight Apache persuasion hold, that's the hell! What are you doing to my computer?
33424 6 26 Whistleblower 5078 Oscar The lawyers are searching our hard drives for information on the leak. Thanks a lot, Big Brother.
33425 6 26 Whistleblower 5078 Dwight You're with Big Brother? Okay, go ahead. I got nothing to hide.
33426 6 26 Whistleblower 5078 Kevin Wait, are they searching all our computers?
33427 6 26 Whistleblower 5078 Nick Yeah. I already got to yours, Kevin.
33428 6 26 Whistleblower 5078 Kevin No, that's cool. Sometimes... sometimes I run. I'm a runner.
33429 6 26 Whistleblower 5079 Angela Everybody knows it was Andy, and it is not fair for us all to take the fall for his big stupid mouth!
33430 6 26 Whistleblower 5079 Michael Ridiculous, Angela. And like I'm going to believe one of his spermed lovers.
33431 6 26 Whistleblower 5079 Phyllis Look, he's been complaining about this for a while, it's not crazy.
33432 6 26 Whistleblower 5080 Jo Okay Dwight.
33433 6 26 Whistleblower 5080 Dwight Hold that thought. I don't want to waste your time, and I wouldn't dare waste mine. I didn't do it. Now, I don't know exactly who did it, but I have a list right here... You should fire the following people.
33434 6 26 Whistleblower 5080 Jo Well, I'm inclined to believe you.
33435 6 26 Whistleblower 5080 Dwight Why would I disparage a company that has made me rich beyond my wildest dreams?
33436 6 26 Whistleblower 5080 Jo Yeah, I noticed you've had a great year. Good boy... you turning that money into more money?
33437 6 26 Whistleblower 5080 Dwight Are you referring to alchemy?
33438 6 26 Whistleblower 5080 Jo I don't like to tell a man what to do with his money, but if you ain't investing in property, then you're dumber than a dummy.
33439 6 26 Whistleblower 5080 Dwight I'm not dumb. I'm smart.
33440 6 26 Whistleblower 5080 Jo Well, buy property. That's my advice.
33441 6 26 Whistleblower 5081 Michael Is there something that you would like to say to me?
33442 6 26 Whistleblower 5081 Andy Uh...
33443 6 26 Whistleblower 5081 Michael About talking to the press?
33444 6 26 Whistleblower 5081 Andy I, I didn't know. I didn't do that!
33445 6 26 Whistleblower 5081 Michael Mmhmm.
33446 6 26 Whistleblower 5081 Andy Okay? I, I... didn't do it.
33447 6 26 Whistleblower 5081 Michael I don't believe you.
33448 6 26 Whistleblower 5081 Andy I swear on the graves of my parents who aren't even dead yet.
33449 6 26 Whistleblower 5081 Michael That's a little much. All right, all right, all right.
33450 6 26 Whistleblower 5081 Andy I don't care, that's how much I swear!
33451 6 26 Whistleblower 5081 Michael Okay, I believe you, I believe you.
33452 6 26 Whistleblower 5081 Andy I don't know who's giving Darryl any crap. He was more bothered about it than me.
33453 6 26 Whistleblower 5082 Michael Did you tell anyone outside of this office that the printers were catching on fire?
33454 6 26 Whistleblower 5082 Darryl Yeah, I did. I, I was talking to this girl at a bar.
33455 6 26 Whistleblower 5082 Michael Oh, no, no, no...
33456 6 26 Whistleblower 5082 Darryl I think she could... sense my sadness, and I, and I found out too late that she... she's the copy editor at the Trib.
33457 6 26 Whistleblower 5082 Michael Oh my god. Was she cute?
33458 6 26 Whistleblower 5082 Darryl No.
33459 6 26 Whistleblower 5082 Michael Oh, god, Darryl!
33460 6 26 Whistleblower 5083 Michael I basically swore up and down that none of my employees did it, and then I find out that one of my best ones did. And now he's probably going to get fired for it. And if that is not poetic justice, I don't know what is.
33461 6 26 Whistleblower 5084 Jo Sounds like you were as blindsided by this as I was.
33462 6 26 Whistleblower 5084 Toby Well, that's...
33463 6 26 Whistleblower 5084 Jo And we didn't find anything on your computer.
33464 6 26 Whistleblower 5084 Toby Good.
33465 6 26 Whistleblower 5084 Jo Except this.
33466 6 26 Whistleblower 5084 Toby Oh, wow, this is, uh, just a mystery novel that I've been working on.
33467 6 26 Whistleblower 5084 Jo I know what it is. I skimmed the first chapter. I'm just curious, why would a man who hates people want to have a relationship with a maid?
33468 6 26 Whistleblower 5084 Toby Oh, uh, I don't know, uh...
33469 6 26 Whistleblower 5084 Jo The way I look at it, there's only one of two reasons. He knows a secret about her that she doesn't know herself, or he wants to use her services to mop up after a murder.
33470 6 26 Whistleblower 5084 Toby Oh... yes.
33471 6 26 Whistleblower 5085 Toby Write your own damn novel.
33472 6 26 Whistleblower 5086 Pam It was me.
33473 6 26 Whistleblower 5086 Jim What was you? You were the leak?
33474 6 26 Whistleblower 5086 Pam Okay. I'm talking to this woman at daycare...
33475 6 26 Whistleblower 5086 Jim Uh-huh.
33476 6 26 Whistleblower 5086 Pam She's telling me about all her amazing trip to Vietnam, I have nothing. I tell her our printers catch on fire, spontaneously!
33477 6 26 Whistleblower 5086 Jim Why'd you do that?
33478 6 26 Whistleblower 5086 Pam Her husband's a reporter.
33479 6 26 Whistleblower 5086 Jim Yeah.
33480 6 26 Whistleblower 5086 Pam So now everyone hates Andy, and it's this whole mess, and I don't know what to do.
33481 6 26 Whistleblower 5086 Jim Okay, just relax. Just need to relax.
33482 6 26 Whistleblower 5086 Pam I could tell Jo... or I could tell Michael.
33483 6 26 Whistleblower 5086 Jim This is a very good idea. This is good. Let's get all the bad ideas out now. Flush them out.
33484 6 26 Whistleblower 5087 Michael You leaked it?
33485 6 26 Whistleblower 5087 Pam I don't know what to do! Do I go tell Jo, or - I don't want everyone to keep blaming the wrong person!
33486 6 26 Whistleblower 5087 Michael I don't know what the best plan is, Pam. Oh god... my mind is going a mile an hour.
33487 6 26 Whistleblower 5087 Pam That fast?
33488 6 26 Whistleblower 5087 Michael Oh.
33489 6 26 Whistleblower 5088 Michael Two whistleblowers... two! I always thought Darryl and Pam might get me fired for something I said.
33490 6 26 Whistleblower 5089 Pam Yeah? I weirdly know exactly what you're saying to me.
33491 6 26 Whistleblower 5089 Michael So see you in Meredith's van in five minutes.
33492 6 26 Whistleblower 5089 Pam Yeah, you didn't need to actually say it.
33493 6 26 Whistleblower 5090 Pam I have never seen so many parking tickets.
33494 6 26 Whistleblower 5090 Darryl All right, this is just messed up.
33495 6 26 Whistleblower 5090 Michael No, you know what's messed up? This situation all up in here is what's messed up! We need to brainstorm, we need to get out of this! Brain hurricane. Come on, think.
33496 6 26 Whistleblower 5090 Darryl All right.
33497 6 26 Whistleblower 5090 Michael What do we got?
33498 6 26 Whistleblower 5090 Pam Um...
33499 6 26 Whistleblower 5090 Kelly Hey guys, sorry I'm late.
33500 6 26 Whistleblower 5090 Pam We're not going for yogurt.
33501 6 26 Whistleblower 5090 Michael It's okay, she's cool, she also whistle-blew.
33502 6 26 Whistleblower 5090 Kelly Guys, I couldn't help it, it is so boring where we work. I mean, it's as interesting as a morgue. It might be less interesting than a morgue.
33503 6 26 Whistleblower 5090 Michael Hey, hey, it's as interesting as a morgue.
33504 6 26 Whistleblower 5091 Kelly Of course I'm the leak! I think I Tweeted it! I can't control what I say to people, I spend the whole day talking! I mean, I video chat, I Skype, I text, I Tweet, I phone, I Woof...
33505 6 26 Whistleblower 5092 Ryan Woof is a site that I'm launching to be the last word in social networking. For just $12.99 a month, Woof links up all your communication portals so you are always within reach. It's part of the dog pack, as I call it. But, look, why tell you when I can show you. I just sent myself a Woof.
33506 6 26 Whistleblower 5092 Erin Ryan, you have a Woof on line 1.
33507 6 26 Whistleblower 5092 Ryan Thank you, Erin. Woof!
33508 6 26 Whistleblower 5093 Michael Okay, here's what we do. I say we just smash all the computers. We destroy the evidence. No evidence, no case.
33509 6 26 Whistleblower 5093 Pam Wouldn't we get fired for smashing all the computers?
33510 6 26 Whistleblower 5093 Michael No. Okay, not all the computers, just our computers.
33511 6 26 Whistleblower 5093 Kelly That idea sucks.
33512 6 26 Whistleblower 5093 Pam I don't think that's a good idea.
33513 6 26 Whistleblower 5093 Michael Just don't say no.
33514 6 26 Whistleblower 5093 Darryl Michael, you know you don't have to turn us all in. All you need is one scapegoat.
33515 6 26 Whistleblower 5093 Kelly Uh, if you turn me in, I'm turning in Darryl.
33516 6 26 Whistleblower 5093 Michael That's just what we need, another black man in prison. You know, let's just...
33517 6 26 Whistleblower 5093 Pam Nobody's going to prison, okay? Um... all right, Michael, you need to convince Jo to go easy on us. And then we'll all confess once we know our jobs are safe.
33518 6 26 Whistleblower 5093 Michael Okay. You can count on me.
33519 6 26 Whistleblower 5094 Dwight Let me give you a hand.
33520 6 26 Whistleblower 5094 Toby I'm hungry.
33521 6 26 Whistleblower 5094 Dwight Ready? Got it? Oh shoot. Got it? Dwight Schrute.
33522 6 26 Whistleblower 5094 Realtor The property you're looking at is in great shape. By the way, it has a very spacious basement office.
33523 6 26 Whistleblower 5094 Dwight Basement office? You mean like a lair?
33524 6 26 Whistleblower 5095 Michael Hey Jo.
33525 6 26 Whistleblower 5095 Jo Michael.
33526 6 26 Whistleblower 5095 Michael I was thinking about our little leak problem. I was up all lunch thinking about what we should do to this individual. You know what I think we should do? We make 'em come to work, and we work 'em, and we make 'em sit next to all the people they screwed over. And, and we pay 'em but we make 'em feel like they did something really wrong. The one question I have is, do we give them a Christmas bonus? I say yes, it's Christmas, but right after they're back in the thick of it.
33527 6 26 Whistleblower 5095 Jo Michael Scott... what do you know?
33528 6 26 Whistleblower 5095 Michael What?
33529 6 26 Whistleblower 5096 Michael It doesn't matter what I know.
33530 6 26 Whistleblower 5096 Jo If it doesn't matter, then tell me.
33531 6 26 Whistleblower 5096 Michael Why?
33532 6 26 Whistleblower 5096 Jo Because I want to deal with it the way I deal with it.
33533 6 26 Whistleblower 5096 Michael Well, deal with this.
33534 6 26 Whistleblower 5096 Jo Empathize with me for a moment. I came up here with a big problem, and now I got a branch manager who's giving me the silent treatment... Speak to me... speak. Come with me.
33535 6 26 Whistleblower 5096 Michael What?
33536 6 26 Whistleblower 5097 Gabe Are you leaving? Oh, am I... should I continue with the investigation?
33537 6 26 Whistleblower 5098 Michael Are you going to kill me?
33538 6 26 Whistleblower 5098 Jo Hahahahahaha.
33539 6 26 Whistleblower 5099 Realtor I just need you to come by later and sign a few forms.
33540 6 26 Whistleblower 5099 Dwight Okay.
33541 6 26 Whistleblower 5099 Realtor What time works for you? Mr. Schrute, what time works?
33542 6 26 Whistleblower 5099 Dwight Cancel it. I want you to make an offer at seventeen twenty-five Slough Avenue. Make 'em an offer they can't refuse. No, on second thought, low ball them. Don't call me 'til you have it.
33543 6 26 Whistleblower 5099 Realtor But...
33544 6 26 Whistleblower 5100 Michael Are we going some place far away? I know you said no questions, but... I have an early dinner that I need to get to... with the Chief of Police.
33545 6 26 Whistleblower 5101 Creed I'm very relieved to learn it wasn't you.
33546 6 26 Whistleblower 5101 Gabe All right. Uh, Stan, you're up.
33547 6 26 Whistleblower 5101 Stanley It wasn't me.
33548 6 26 Whistleblower 5101 Gabe What a rich timbre your voice has. Okay, I am prepared to conclude the investigation. And... you did it.
33549 6 26 Whistleblower 5101 Andy What? Based on what?
33550 6 26 Whistleblower 5101 Gabe Uh, just all the evidence. And it really seems like it was you. Can we all agree to say that it was Andy for now, and sit with it, see how it feels?
33551 6 26 Whistleblower 5101 Dwight All right. Sounds good.
33552 6 26 Whistleblower 5101 Jim Guys, I think that seems a little unfair. I mean, I feel like we don't definitely know it was Andy.
33553 6 26 Whistleblower 5101 Andy Yeah. You know, I mean, for all we know it could have been... Jim.
33554 6 26 Whistleblower 5101 Jim Really?
33555 6 26 Whistleblower 5102 Jo Michael.
33556 6 26 Whistleblower 5102 Michael I have rights.
33557 6 26 Whistleblower 5102 Jo Let's just talk.
33558 6 26 Whistleblower 5102 Michael I am not going to tell you anything.
33559 6 26 Whistleblower 5102 Jo Honey, you don't seem like your normal self.
33560 6 26 Whistleblower 5102 Michael Well, I'm going through a little bit of a rough patch.
33561 6 26 Whistleblower 5102 Jo Mama Jo knew there was something up.
33562 6 26 Whistleblower 5102 Michael Whole year, actually. My favorite restaurant closed down.
33563 6 26 Whistleblower 5102 Jo Oh, I hate that.
33564 6 26 Whistleblower 5102 Michael And my new favorite restaurant sucks... I bought a video camera last year, and I was looking at the tapes, and there were only like twelve minutes that I felt was worth taping the whole year. And most of that was just birds in my condo complex. What is that? ... I miss Holly.
33565 6 26 Whistleblower 5102 Jo Who's Holly?
33566 6 26 Whistleblower 5102 Michael Holly Flax from the Nashua branch. Best HR rep that Dunder Mifflin has ever seen. It's not been a blockbuster year for me financially. My Blockbuster stock is down.
33567 6 26 Whistleblower 5103 Kevin Well, I think that the real question is: Who is the whistleblower?
33568 6 26 Whistleblower 5103 Dwight Oh, just...
33569 6 26 Whistleblower 5104 David Wallace I may have heard from an old client, and I may have immediately started spreading the news to other clients and potential clients, yeah. But I'm not here to talk about that. I am here to talk about Suck It. Suck it.
33570 6 26 Whistleblower 5105 Andy Gabe, I told you all about the printers.
33571 6 26 Whistleblower 5105 Jim I mean, it could be you, Gabe. I mean, that's the point.
33572 6 26 Whistleblower 5105 Pam Yes, it's totally obvious.
33573 6 26 Whistleblower 5105 Creed I think we all can agree that it's either Gabe or Angela. It's Angela. Get her, boys.
33574 6 26 Whistleblower 5105 Nick Hey guys, uh, sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to say goodbye to everyone. Through Teach for America, I'm going to go down to Detroit and teach, uh, inner city kids about computers.
33575 6 26 Whistleblower 5105 Gabe Uh, not now.
33576 6 26 Whistleblower 5105 Nick Oh yeah, it's just that my friends are in the car waiting, so I thought I would...
33577 6 26 Whistleblower 5105 Stanley Phyllis, what's this guy's name again?
33578 6 26 Whistleblower 5105 Phyllis I don't know, is it Shadow or Garth, it's something weird, I...
33579 6 26 Whistleblower 5105 Nick My name is Nick.
33580 6 26 Whistleblower 5105 Angela Okay, well, Nick, we're in a meeting.
33581 6 26 Whistleblower 5105 Nick Okay, look, I get it, people. I'm the lame IT guy, and everybody hates me.
33582 6 26 Whistleblower 5105 Jim Hey, listen man, you can't take it personally.
33583 6 26 Whistleblower 5105 Nick You called me man? I just said my name just now, did you forget it already?
33584 6 26 Whistleblower 5105 Jim No... sport.
33585 6 26 Whistleblower 5105 Nick You, you guys have fifteen parties a week, you can't learn my name?
33586 6 26 Whistleblower 5105 Dwight Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey IT guy. Here's the story, champ. None of us have spent a lot of time getting to know you, okay? We liked the last guy, Siddiq, because he kept to himself, and we also thought he might have been a terrorist. You know what, I'm going to leave you with one other thought. Inner city kids use computers for two things, games and p0rn. So good luck wasting your life, lurch.
33587 6 26 Whistleblower 5105 Nick Thank you so much for that. I saw all your hard drives, and guess what? You're not a photographer. And you definitely can't fit into a size two. Darryl, man, you're on Facebook. Why you been telling people you're not on Facebook? People want to be your friend, man! All right? And you. This guy, you're the one who told the press. You wrote an e-mail to the editor. I saw it, and I also saw a QuickTime movie of your little printer fire test on your hard drive. This guy's the snitch, he's the snitch. So that's it, check it out.
33588 6 26 Whistleblower 5105 Andy You're going to believe that guy?
33589 6 26 Whistleblower 5106 Jo When I was growing up, there was nothing better than being a big old business tycoon. And I thought I'd break that glass ceiling and be a hero to all those little girls out there... and they'd make a Barbie out of me.
33590 6 26 Whistleblower 5106 Michael Hmm, hmm.
33591 6 26 Whistleblower 5106 Jo I, did I sell cheap printers? I do. But if I have to go out there in front of the press and make one of them public apology recalls, I mean, it's all I'll ever be remembered for. Nobody will want to play with my Barbie.
33592 6 26 Whistleblower 5106 Michael You know, I would be willing, under the right circumstances, to do that for you.
33593 6 26 Whistleblower 5106 Jo Oh honey, surely you don't want that.
33594 6 26 Whistleblower 5106 Michael I, I surely do, and don't call me honey. You were playing too.
33595 6 26 Whistleblower 5107 Dwight I'm about to buy this building, you know.
33596 6 26 Whistleblower 5107 Hank You don't say? I own a one-eighth share in a rental property down in Pittston.
33597 6 26 Whistleblower 5107 Dwight Well, I'm one-eighths proud of you... enjoy that chair for now... 'cause pretty soon, you will be on your feet, at Buckingham Palace.
33598 6 26 Whistleblower 5108 Andy Hey Phyllis, have you seen my bag?
33599 6 26 Whistleblower 5108 Phyllis You deserve it.
33600 6 26 Whistleblower 5109 Andy Look, I didn't want houses and schools to burn down, and children to die. Does that make me a hero? I...
33601 6 26 Whistleblower 5109 Kevin No, it does not!
33602 6 26 Whistleblower 5109 Andy Well, it doesn't make me the worst guy in the world, either.
33603 6 26 Whistleblower 5109 Angela It does!
33604 6 26 Whistleblower 5110 Erin Andy?
33605 6 26 Whistleblower 5110 Andy Hey.
33606 6 26 Whistleblower 5110 Erin I wanted to say that I think it was very brave of you to go to the press.
33607 6 26 Whistleblower 5110 Andy Uh, thanks. Yeah, you know, just seemed like the right thing to do.
33608 6 26 Whistleblower 5110 Erin Yeah.
33609 6 26 Whistleblower 5111 Michael We at Sabre have betrayed the trust that we have built with our customers. We regret our slow response and our lapse in candor and judgment. At this time, we are issuing a full recall of all Sabre GH400 printers. We will not rest until this problem is solved. There will be no questions. Are there any questions?
33610 6 26 Whistleblower 5112 Jo Hey, I appreciate you reading that statement. You looked pretty up there.
33611 6 26 Whistleblower 5112 Michael That was fun.
33612 6 26 Whistleblower 5112 Jo I hope your rough patch ends soon.
33613 6 26 Whistleblower 5112 Michael Thanks. Today helped.
33614 6 26 Whistleblower 5112 Jo Well, give me a shout if I can brighten your life.
33615 6 26 Whistleblower 5112 Michael Okay. Hey, you could transfer Holly back from Nashua.
33616 6 26 Whistleblower 5112 Jo Let me see what I can do.
33617 7 1 Nepotism 5113 Stanley You fallin' behind.
33618 7 1 Nepotism 5113 Ryan Wuphf.com!
33619 7 1 Nepotism 5113 Kelly Ryan, we're doing the dance!
33620 7 1 Nepotism 5113 Ryan This is how you build a business. This is how you make it in this country.
33621 7 1 Nepotism 5113 Creed You got Creed.
33622 7 1 Nepotism 5113 Ryan #NAME?
33623 7 1 Nepotism 5113 Kelly You make it so hard to love you sometimes.
33624 7 1 Nepotism 5113 Stanley Still behind.
33625 7 1 Nepotism 5113 Angela I said I didn't want to be on the internet!
33626 7 1 Nepotism 5113 Andy Go, go, go, go!
33627 7 1 Nepotism 5113 All Streamers!
33628 7 1 Nepotism 5113 Dwight Hiya! Ha!
33629 7 1 Nepotism 5113 Phyllis Dwight!
33630 7 1 Nepotism 5113 Stanley Are you crazy?
33631 7 1 Nepotism 5113 Andy Toby, how did we do?
33632 7 1 Nepotism 5113 Toby Well, that was better.
33633 7 1 Nepotism 5113 Andy Whoo! We did it!
33634 7 1 Nepotism 5114 Michael I suppose summer had to end sometime. It's sad, though, because I had a great summer. I got West Nile virus, lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the lake. I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, which hurt. That got infected even though I peed on it. Saw 'Inception.' Or at least I dreamt I did.
33635 7 1 Nepotism 5115 Andy Brocolli Rob, obviously, will be there.
33636 7 1 Nepotism 5115 Erin Yes, of course.
33637 7 1 Nepotism 5115 Andy And JC. We call him Blorville, because he looks like a black Orville Redenbacher.
33638 7 1 Nepotism 5115 Erin Who's the guy who invented the peanut?
33639 7 1 Nepotism 5115 Gabe Hey, guys.
33640 7 1 Nepotism 5115 Andy Hey!
33641 7 1 Nepotism 5115 Gabe Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt.
33642 7 1 Nepotism 5115 Andy Not at all.
33643 7 1 Nepotism 5115 Gabe I'm gonna head back to Siberia there. Ciao.
33644 7 1 Nepotism 5116 Gabe I started dating Erin this summer. It has been, in a word, exquisite.
33645 7 1 Nepotism 5117 Erin Gabe is awesome. He has accomplished so much career-wise and height-wise. Thank God he's my boss because I would not have said yes to a first date if I didn't have to, but... it's been great.
33646 7 1 Nepotism 5118 Andy Am I angry that Gabe stole my girlfriend over the summer? No. I've been through anger-management, OK? So right now, I am sitting on a nice beach at Cape Cod, gazing out across the whitecaps. Oh, look, it's a humpback whale. How pretty. He's eating Gabe.
33647 7 1 Nepotism 5119 Pam Hey. What are you doing?
33648 7 1 Nepotism 5119 Dwight From now on, if you're hot, sit on an ice pack.
33649 7 1 Nepotism 5119 Kevin Well, what if you're cold?
33650 7 1 Nepotism 5119 Dwight Like you'd ever be cold, Kevin. Stop asking me hypothetical questions, OK? I'm too busy.
33651 7 1 Nepotism 5119 Jim Hey, Dwight, I don't know if you heard, but we're supposed to be drinking out of weird backpacks instead of cups, like regular people. Oh, you did hear.
33652 7 1 Nepotism 5119 Dwight Jim, you have one job to do. And you do it forgettably. Those of us who are busy require hands-free hydration.
33653 7 1 Nepotism 5120 Dwight Dwight Schrute, star salesman, beet farmer, bed-and-breakfast proprietor, aspiring freelance bodyguard. Add to that list owner of this building. Then burn the list.
33654 7 1 Nepotism 5121 Kelly This summer, I did the minority executive training program at Yale. You guys, I'm, like, really smart now. You don't even know. You could ask me, "Kelly, what's the biggest company in the world?" And I'd be like, "blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah," giving you the exact right answer.
33655 7 1 Nepotism 5122 Luke Coffee Monkey's arrived.
33656 7 1 Nepotism 5122 Oscar The coffee's supposed to be here at 9.
33657 7 1 Nepotism 5122 Luke Here you go, Big O. Tiny. Darryl Hannah.
33658 7 1 Nepotism 5122 Darryl It says decaf. You get me decaf?
33659 7 1 Nepotism 5122 Luke Ooh, yeah. Must've been some sort of mix-up there. You could just drink it, or I could drive all the way back?
33660 7 1 Nepotism 5123 Darryl My summer, I, um, blew out my knee playing softball. Ended up watching CNN most of the time. I don't know how we're going to get out of Afghanistan. I hate the new assistant. He's only been here for a week, and I hate him.
33661 7 1 Nepotism 5124 Andy New guy sucks. Calls me the Nard-Man. I'm the Nard-Dog, okay? Nard-man is my father.
33662 7 1 Nepotism 5125 Luke My name is Luke Cooper. I love cinema. My favorite movies are Citizen Kane and The Boondock Saints.
33663 7 1 Nepotism 5126 Andy That kid is the worst. Needs to be fired, Michael.
33664 7 1 Nepotism 5126 Michael He's not the worst, okay? He's not the worst. You know who's the worst? That intern we had a few years ago. That guy-remember? Eeeh! That face, how ugly he was? He was the worst. Good worker, though. Ah! It's not cappuccino.
33665 7 1 Nepotism 5126 Oscar He messed yours up to.
33666 7 1 Nepotism 5126 Darryl He's got to go, Mike.
33667 7 1 Nepotism 5126 Michael It's just coffee, guys! But, yeah, I'll look into it, okay?
33668 7 1 Nepotism 5127 Jim Wow, that's a lot of keys.
33669 7 1 Nepotism 5127 Dwight The bigger the key chain, the more powerful the man.
33670 7 1 Nepotism 5127 Jim That's right. The janitor said that. By the way, the raccoons are back.
33671 7 1 Nepotism 5127 Dwight Where?
33672 7 1 Nepotism 5127 Jim I think they run through these panels and then down under the map. I wouldn't know for sure cause I don't have a trained ear. That's why I have to use one of these.
33673 7 1 Nepotism 5127 Dwight Give me that.
33674 7 1 Nepotism 5127 Jim Yep. Wait, and this.
33675 7 1 Nepotism 5127 Dwight Yes.
33676 7 1 Nepotism 5127 Jim Go get 'em.
33677 7 1 Nepotism 5128 Jim What happened to me this summer? Dwight bought the building, so actually, this has been the busiest summer of my life.
33678 7 1 Nepotism 5129 Dwight Hey, what's so funny over here? Ha. Very nice. Give me my keys. Ha. Ha. Not. Funny. Jim.
33679 7 1 Nepotism 5129 Pam Sorry.
33680 7 1 Nepotism 5129 Jim Oh, no. Don't worry about it. I was just gonna put a couple keys on it every day until Christmas. Then his pants would have fallen down, which was a little gift to me, but...
33681 7 1 Nepotism 5129 Pam It was really funny.
33682 7 1 Nepotism 5129 Jim Well, it would have been. So unprofessional, Mrs. Halpert.
33683 7 1 Nepotism 5129 Pam I love you.
33684 7 1 Nepotism 5130 Phyllis Luke? Luke!
33685 7 1 Nepotism 5130 Luke What's up, Venus?
33686 7 1 Nepotism 5130 Phyllis Did you send those samples to Justin at Lehigh Motors yesterday? Because he didn't get 'em.
33687 7 1 Nepotism 5130 Luke Uh, if you asked me to do it, I'm sure I did it. Yeah, strawberries are ripe.
33688 7 1 Nepotism 5130 Meredith Hey, turn off the Chumbawamba and scram, twerp.
33689 7 1 Nepotism 5130 Luke You don't have to yell.
33690 7 1 Nepotism 5130 Michael Okay, rude. Luke, I want you to go to the supermarket for me.
33691 7 1 Nepotism 5130 Luke What for?
33692 7 1 Nepotism 5130 Michael To get some ice cream for everybody. It's national ice cream afternoon. Great.
33693 7 1 Nepotism 5131 Michael And another thing I did this summer, I hired my nephew.
33694 7 1 Nepotism 5132 Michael Having Luke here is a pretty big deal for me, because his mother, who also happens to be my half-sister, kind of cut me off from that side of the family 15 years a- 14. The last time I saw Luke was the opening day of 'Ace Ventura II' and that was '95, so yes, 15 years on the dot. Anyway, I lost him in a forest.
33695 7 1 Nepotism 5133 Michael Don't bother Luke.
33696 7 1 Nepotism 5133 Pam Why is there a circle with a line through it?
33697 7 1 Nepotism 5133 Michael That means don't. Haven't you seen Ghostbusters, Pam?
33698 7 1 Nepotism 5133 Phyllis Yeah, but it's like you're saying we should bother Luke.
33699 7 1 Nepotism 5133 Michael No, it... Yes, okay, right. All right, yep. My bad. I got it. Here we go.
33700 7 1 Nepotism 5133 Darryl Don't don't bother Luke. Got it.
33701 7 1 Nepotism 5133 Michael Come on. Okay, um... That's as clear as I can make it.
33702 7 1 Nepotism 5133 Phyllis Hey, why can't we bother Luke? He deserves it.
33703 7 1 Nepotism 5133 Michael Because I don't want it getting back to Sabre that we're yelling at assistants. I think it would reflect poorly on us.
33704 7 1 Nepotism 5133 Dwight Who's gonna tell on us? Gabe?
33705 7 1 Nepotism 5133 Gabe That'd be hilarious. Uh, "Jo, they're creating a hostile work environment. Stop 'em."
33706 7 1 Nepotism 5133 Michael Nope, it won't be Gabe but actually, there is somebody in the office that is very, very close to Luke.
33707 7 1 Nepotism 5133 Dwight How close?
33708 7 1 Nepotism 5133 Michael Well, Dwight, he wiped his butt. Is that close enough for you?
33709 7 1 Nepotism 5133 Dwight Yes. Of course.
33710 7 1 Nepotism 5133 Toby Guys, I think Michael and Luke are related.
33711 7 1 Nepotism 5133 Michael No. No, Toby. He's not. Yes he is. He's my nephew.
33712 7 1 Nepotism 5133 All What?
33713 7 1 Nepotism 5133 Michael Luke is my nephew.
33714 7 1 Nepotism 5133 Oscar Michael, that's nepotism. Luke is getting special treatment because he's your nephew.
33715 7 1 Nepotism 5133 Michael Yes, exactly. That is a very nice way of putting it, Oscar. Mixing family and business is a beautiful thing.
33716 7 1 Nepotism 5133 Darryl What's wrong with a level playing field?
33717 7 1 Nepotism 5133 Michael Do you think they should have had open auditions for the band Hanson? What if no one named Hanson showed up? That wouldn't even make sense. Or what if they just hired the littlest kid and a 50-year-old guy who was a murderer? Really safe.
33718 7 1 Nepotism 5133 Jim Oh, man, so many points being made.
33719 7 1 Nepotism 5134 Creed I couldn't care less about nepotism. But, I'm loving the debate. Great minds battling it out. And I've got a front row seat.
33720 7 1 Nepotism 5135 Michael God, when he needed help on Earth, who did he hire? Jesus Christ, his son.
33721 7 1 Nepotism 5135 Erin That's a really tight argument.
33722 7 1 Nepotism 5135 Michael Thank you.
33723 7 1 Nepotism 5135 Jim But you're comparing you and Luke to God and Jesus.
33724 7 1 Nepotism 5135 Michael No! No. I'm just saying, why does God get to do something that I don't?
33725 7 1 Nepotism 5135 Oscar This is hypothetical. We're talking about Luke who happens to be terrible.
33726 7 1 Nepotism 5135 Michael Well, then, why aren't you bugging me to fire everybody who's bad? You just want me to fire Luke. That's reverse nepotism. He should not be punished because he is related to me and bad at what he does!
33727 7 1 Nepotism 5135 Kelly I would just like to say something off of what Darryl said about the level playing field. That is actually a zoning issue. So, thank you.
33728 7 1 Nepotism 5135 Oscar If there's nothing wrong with this, Michael, why have you been keeping it a secret?
33729 7 1 Nepotism 5135 Michael Because I wanted you to come to me and say, "Wow, he is so great." And I was gonna say, "Well, it's in the genes." And I was actually gonna be wearing jeans. And I'd point to them, right? No. But you ruined it. So, thank you very much. Here he comes. Guys, look. I don't want you to treat him like anyone else in the office. I just want you to treat him like my nephew. Hey, there he is.
33730 7 1 Nepotism 5135 Erin Hey! Ice cream afternoon!
33731 7 1 Nepotism 5135 Michael Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
33732 7 1 Nepotism 5135 Kevin Wait, soy ice cream? Did you get real ice cream?
33733 7 1 Nepotism 5135 Pam Or enough for everyone?
33734 7 1 Nepotism 5135 Luke No, man. There was no list. Uh, but I got bagel chips.
33735 7 1 Nepotism 5135 Oscar Ah, my favorite part of an ice cream party. The bagel chips.
33736 7 1 Nepotism 5135 Andy Clutch cream run, bro.
33737 7 1 Nepotism 5136 Pam Get whatever you want, on me.
33738 7 1 Nepotism 5136 Jim You really think you can make it up to me with food?
33739 7 1 Nepotism 5136 Pam I don't know. That usually works.
33740 7 1 Nepotism 5137 Pam I feel horrible for blowing Jim's prank. I don't know if you can tell, but he's mildly upset. And Dwight hasn't been messed with in a while, so he's become a monster. I need to make this right.
33741 7 1 Nepotism 5138 Angela I came down here to feed the feral cats like I usually do and I found something unsavory in the back of your nephew's car.
33742 7 1 Nepotism 5138 Michael Ok, you know what? Just -just back off! Back off!
33743 7 1 Nepotism 5138 Phyllis Well, take a look. It's all the packages he was supposed to overnight. He never bothered to send them.
33744 7 1 Nepotism 5138 Michael All right, those might be his. He might own an Ebay store.
33745 7 1 Nepotism 5138 Jim Yep. That's exactly what my first thought was. And then I remembered having a conversation with him where he was like, "I don't own an Ebay store," so...
33746 7 1 Nepotism 5138 Michael Ok, ok. You know what? This is disgusting. This is like a witch hunt. This is like the Blair Witch Hunt project.
33747 7 1 Nepotism 5138 Oscar Oh sure, those are the expense reports that corporate was waiting for yesterday.
33748 7 1 Nepotism 5138 Stanley Let's just make this kid open this damn car.
33749 7 1 Nepotism 5138 Erin Oh my gosh, those are the pants he wanted to return to Talbots.
33750 7 1 Nepotism 5138 Michael I'm reconsidering sending them back anyway.
33751 7 1 Nepotism 5138 Andy You get that kid to open this car, or I'm gonna do it myself... by calling Tripple A.
33752 7 1 Nepotism 5138 Michael Wait a minute.
33753 7 1 Nepotism 5138 Meredith I'm in.
33754 7 1 Nepotism 5138 Michael Don't-all right. Well, ok, you've just committed a felony.
33755 7 1 Nepotism 5138 Oscar Yep, here they are.
33756 7 1 Nepotism 5138 Phyllis Yep, I just lost a client cause I swore I sent these samples on time.
33757 7 1 Nepotism 5138 Andy This kid's costing us sales, Michael.
33758 7 1 Nepotism 5138 Erin I'm sorry, do you want to try them on again to see.
33759 7 1 Nepotism 5138 Michael No, I know they fit. It's not about the fit.
33760 7 1 Nepotism 5139 Jo Why is this my problem, Michael?
33761 7 1 Nepotism 5139 Michael Because Gabe tattled. I was perfectly happy to just hide it from you.
33762 7 1 Nepotism 5139 Gabe Those overnight packages needed to go out, and Michael refuses to hold the guilty party accountable.
33763 7 1 Nepotism 5139 Jo Lower yourself, Gabe. I don't wanna be having a conversation with your crotch. Ok, educate me now why you won't fire the boy.
33764 7 1 Nepotism 5139 Michael You don't have all the facts.
33765 7 1 Nepotism 5139 Jo Which are?
33766 7 1 Nepotism 5139 Michael I love him.
33767 7 1 Nepotism 5139 Jo Oh, God. How far has it gone?
33768 7 1 Nepotism 5139 Michael No. No. He's my nephew.
33769 7 1 Nepotism 5139 Jo Well, I got a nephew too. But he don't work for me. You know why? Cause he's a screw-up. He can swim in my pool but he can't come in my house.
33770 7 1 Nepotism 5139 Michael Well, this office is my pool. And my house is my house. And I just want my nephew to work in my pool.
33771 7 1 Nepotism 5139 Jo If you keep him, Michael, I'm gonna hold you accountable for him. You're on the hook for this kid. You got that? Cover his ass like tighty-whities.
33772 7 1 Nepotism 5139 Michael I will cover his ass like moss on a Mississippi tree stump.
33773 7 1 Nepotism 5139 Jo Was how I put it not clear enough? I mean, you had to go and make up your own saying? Deal with it, boys.
33774 7 1 Nepotism 5140 Michael Luke and I have been working side-by-side as master and commander. Me as master, he as commander. Occasionally he will need a little push, and I will do that, and he'll slow down, and I'll push him again. That's the thing with kids, you have to keep pushing. You have to push them until they push you back. And then you push some more. It's all about give and take, but mostly it's about pushing each other.
33775 7 1 Nepotism 5141 Kevin Oh, yeah. This'll be easy. So just, like, rearrange the buttons and stuff.
33776 7 1 Nepotism 5141 Pam Yeah, yeah. Like when he presses "Doors closed" the doors open. Or he presses "lobby" it goes to third floor, stuff like that. Can you do that?
33777 7 1 Nepotism 5141 Kevin Yeah. Let me take a look at the circus board.
33778 7 1 Nepotism 5141 Pam Dwight is about to get so Pammed.
33779 7 1 Nepotism 5141 Dwight Hey, did you SMS text message me?
33780 7 1 Nepotism 5141 Pam Yeah, I wanted to show you something in the lobby. Come on.
33781 7 1 Nepotism 5141 Dwight Okay, that's weird. Just hitting "door closed." What?
33782 7 1 Nepotism 5141 Pam There we go.
33783 7 1 Nepotism 5141 Dwight Is this elevator going up? Hey, the elevator is disobeying us! Okay, okay. We are stuck. We are stuck. Hank, Hank! Can you hear us? Oh, my God. Okay. Emergency protocol.
33784 7 1 Nepotism 5141 Pam Let's just calm down.
33785 7 1 Nepotism 5141 Dwight Pam, try and pry open those front doors, immediately.
33786 7 1 Nepotism 5141 Pam I don't-
33787 7 1 Nepotism 5141 Dwight Use your talons! Pry 'em open!
33788 7 1 Nepotism 5141 Pam Ok, Dwi-Oh, my God!
33789 7 1 Nepotism 5141 Dwight Well, don't look, freak!
33790 7 1 Nepotism 5141 Pam Dwight, what are you doing!? We've only been in here for, like, two seconds!
33791 7 1 Nepotism 5141 Dwight I've got 56 ounces of fluid in my bladder! And we have to establish a pee corner!
33792 7 1 Nepotism 5141 Pam You've gotta be kidding me.
33793 7 1 Nepotism 5142 Michael Luke is going to use his laser pointer to point to account setup. You click on that first, then a whole new-Not, no, no, no! Luke, come on. Come on. Not on Oscar's head. Alright. Luke, come on. Stop it!
33794 7 1 Nepotism 5142 Luke What? I'm stopping it. That's what you said.
33795 7 1 Nepotism 5142 Michael Give me the pointer.
33796 7 1 Nepotism 5142 Luke So you just want me to move it? You're being totally unclear here. I'm just gonna go ahead and move it.
33797 7 1 Nepotism 5142 Michael No, just power it down. No, no, no, no, no. Not on Angela's boob. Come on. Come on. Luke, seriously.
33798 7 1 Nepotism 5142 Luke All right, fine. Fine. I'll just go.
33799 7 1 Nepotism 5142 Michael Okay.
33800 7 1 Nepotism 5142 Luke I'm gone.
33801 7 1 Nepotism 5142 Michael All right. Okay. Good job. Okay, email accounts. So we're starting with account setup-
33802 7 1 Nepotism 5142 Andy Oh, my God, is it in my eyeball? I think he's burning my eye.
33803 7 1 Nepotism 5142 Angela Michael, do something.
33804 7 1 Nepotism 5142 Meredith Sack up, man.
33805 7 1 Nepotism 5142 Michael Okay, can I have that?
33806 7 1 Nepotism 5142 Luke No.
33807 7 1 Nepotism 5142 Michael Ok, I am going to count down from five.
33808 7 1 Nepotism 5142 Both Five, four...
33809 7 1 Nepotism 5142 Michael I'm not kidding.
33810 7 1 Nepotism 5142 Both Three, two, one.
33811 7 1 Nepotism 5142 Michael Give-okay. Alright, give it up.
33812 7 1 Nepotism 5142 Luke No!
33813 7 1 Nepotism 5142 Michael You are going to learn to be more professional, Luke!
33814 7 1 Nepotism 5142 Luke What the?
33815 7 1 Nepotism 5142 Michael That's what you're going to do, Luke!
33816 7 1 Nepotism 5142 Luke What the hell was that?
33817 7 1 Nepotism 5142 Michael I had to do that.
33818 7 1 Nepotism 5142 Luke Hey, this! Screw it!
33819 7 1 Nepotism 5142 Michael All right. Are we good? You're okay. He's okay. There are many different schools of thought on capital punishment.
33820 7 1 Nepotism 5142 Kevin That was awesome!
33821 7 1 Nepotism 5142 Stanley Texas justice.
33822 7 1 Nepotism 5142 Kelly Yeah, your nephew is so lame.
33823 7 1 Nepotism 5142 Creed He's been trashing us relentlessly on Twitter. Yeah, it's funny stuff, but mean.
33824 7 1 Nepotism 5142 Jim You follow him on Twitter?
33825 7 1 Nepotism 5143 Creed Everywhere I look it's Betty White this and Betty White that. Finally a kid that's not talking about Betty White. Of course I follow him.
33826 7 1 Nepotism 5144 Gabe Michael, you just physically assaulted an employee. Can we talk in private?
33827 7 1 Nepotism 5144 Michael Yes, of course. What is this in reference to?
33828 7 1 Nepotism 5145 Jim Pam?
33829 7 1 Nepotism 5145 Pam Oh, hey Jim. Some prankster switched the elevator buttons on Dwight.
33830 7 1 Nepotism 5145 Jim I did not do this.
33831 7 1 Nepotism 5145 Pam I know. Yeah, and it was going really great at first. I got video.
33832 7 1 Nepotism 5145 Jim This is impressive.
33833 7 1 Nepotism 5145 Pam Well, you know... they don't call me the Bart Simpson of Scranton for nothing.
33834 7 1 Nepotism 5145 Jim Do they call you that?
33835 7 1 Nepotism 5145 Pam They do call me that.
33836 7 1 Nepotism 5145 Jim Come on, give me your hand. I'll help you down.
33837 7 1 Nepotism 5145 Pam Nope. Scared of getting cut in half. Also, there's pee on the floor.
33838 7 1 Nepotism 5145 Jim Oh! Of course there is. Hey, Chinese tonight?
33839 7 1 Nepotism 5145 Pam Yeah.
33840 7 1 Nepotism 5145 Jim Great.
33841 7 1 Nepotism 5145 Dwight How ya doin'?
33842 7 1 Nepotism 5145 Jim Pretty good. You must be almost out of water.
33843 7 1 Nepotism 5145 Pam Stop drinking the water! Stop!
33844 7 1 Nepotism 5146 Andy No, no, no, no. It's the other hand. Right hand. Yeah.
33845 7 1 Nepotism 5147 Michael Would have been nice to work with my family. It would have been nice if Luke had been able to stay here. But he couldn't. These things seldom work out. I don't know how Ringling Brothers do it. Night after night, town after town, all across America. You would think they'd be sick of each other by now. But, clearly, they make it work. And my hat's off to them.
33846 7 1 Nepotism 5148 Andy Whoa! Whoa! Hey. Whoa. Dwight! Stop!
33847 7 1 Nepotism 5149 Gabe Legal says the best way to protect us from a lawsuit is to call this a stress-induced outburst. You will have to undergo six sessions of counseling.
33848 7 1 Nepotism 5149 Michael That's it? Really? That's nothing. All right. That's highway robbery.
33849 7 1 Nepotism 5149 Gabe Good. Well, that's the spirit.
33850 7 1 Nepotism 5149 Michael I can do that.
33851 7 1 Nepotism 5149 Gabe And, uh, you will do your counseling right here, because our HR staff are all certified counselors.
33852 7 1 Nepotism 5149 Michael Okay. Wait, what?
33853 7 1 Nepotism 5149 Toby Yeah, I'm really looking forward to working with you, Michael.
33854 7 1 Nepotism 5149 Michael Is there another option?
33855 7 1 Nepotism 5149 Gabe The alternative is termination.
33856 7 2 Counseling 5150 Dwight Wow. Late every day this week.
33857 7 2 Counseling 5150 Pam We signed Cici up for this daycare. It's on the other side of town. The traffic...
33858 7 2 Counseling 5150 Dwight Why didn't I think of this before? Did you know that there is a daycare center opening right here in this building?
33859 7 2 Counseling 5150 Jim Is there really?
33860 7 2 Counseling 5151 Dwight Now that I own the building, I'm looking for new sources of revenue. And a daycare center... Ha ha ha Well I guess it's not an evil idea. It's just a regular idea. But there is no good laugh for a regular idea.
33861 7 2 Counseling 5152 Dwight Welcome to the Sesame Avenue Daycare Center for infants and toddlers.
33862 7 2 Counseling 5152 Jim Aaah!
33863 7 2 Counseling 5152 Mose Aaah!
33864 7 2 Counseling 5152 Dwight You remember my cousin Mose.
33865 7 2 Counseling 5152 Mose Welcome children.
33866 7 2 Counseling 5152 Pam Were you painting in the dark?
33867 7 2 Counseling 5152 Jim Wait. Is this your place Dwight?
33868 7 2 Counseling 5152 Dwight Oh no. I like to think of it as a kids place. Would you like a tour?
33869 7 2 Counseling 5152 Pam I don't really think we need...
33870 7 2 Counseling 5152 Jim Oh... lets take the tour Pam.
33871 7 2 Counseling 5152 Pam Yeah.
33872 7 2 Counseling 5152 Dwight Come on. Here is the language skills and cognitive development area. These are English... uh... letters. I see you found out magical toy box Jim.
33873 7 2 Counseling 5152 Jim These are actually forks and knives from the break room.
33874 7 2 Counseling 5152 Dwight Jim! To you and me, maybe, but, come on! To a child's imagination that's Mr. Fork and Lieutenant Knife and... Ms. Fork.
33875 7 2 Counseling 5152 Pam And a soy sauce packet.
33876 7 2 Counseling 5152 Dwight Oh! That shouldn't have been in there. I'm embarrassed.
33877 7 2 Counseling 5152 Jim Don't beat yourself up.
33878 7 2 Counseling 5152 Dwight We come fully equipped with a restroom. Feeding trough, play bucket, and room for a plant, in success.
33879 7 2 Counseling 5152 Jim Who will be watching the children?
33880 7 2 Counseling 5152 Dwight No one. The door locks from the outside. Escape is impossible.
33881 7 2 Counseling 5152 Jim Prove it.
33882 7 2 Counseling 5152 Dwight What?
33883 7 2 Counseling 5152 Jim Were going to head outside, give it a whirl. I just want to see how it works.
33884 7 2 Counseling 5152 Dwight Oh no, no, no.
33885 7 2 Counseling 5152 Jim But I'll tell you this, if this works out, I think we're looking real good.
33886 7 2 Counseling 5152 Dwight I promise you, that door locks!
33887 7 2 Counseling 5153 Toby What's something that you...
33888 7 2 Counseling 5153 Michael This is the worst! You are the worst! I hate looking at your face! I wanna smash it!
33889 7 2 Counseling 5154 Michael Ok, you know what? I made a mistake. I committed corporate punishment. My bad. It's over. It's done. But my punishment is ... um ... worse than hell.
33890 7 2 Counseling 5155 Toby Michael has been assigned six hours of mandatory counseling with a trained professional. I actually have a degree in social work. I mean, I know a lot of people would ask a few standard questions, and check off a few boxes, but I've got a chance to do some good here.
33891 7 2 Counseling 5156 Michael I know what you want to ask me. "Did your mom ever see you naked?"
33892 7 2 Counseling 5156 Toby We can do this with more privacy.
33893 7 2 Counseling 5156 Michael So you can molest me? Oh, ok. I don't think so. We're going to leave the blinds open so every one can see what a big failure you are. That's the key.
33894 7 2 Counseling 5157 Dwight Boycott the Steamtown Mall! Everyone, you heard me! Cancel all of your business with the Steamtown Mall!
33895 7 2 Counseling 5157 Phyllis The mall itself or just the stores in the mall?
33896 7 2 Counseling 5157 Dwight All of it! The mall, the stores, the kiosks!
33897 7 2 Counseling 5157 Ryan America is one big mall.
33898 7 2 Counseling 5157 Jim Did something happen Dwight?
33899 7 2 Counseling 5157 Dwight Yeah, something happened. Oh yeah, something happened, Jim.
33900 7 2 Counseling 5157 Andy Well, tell us what it is. I mean, it would help us to get some context so we can get on board.
33901 7 2 Counseling 5157 Dwight You don't want to know.
33902 7 2 Counseling 5158 Toby I'd like you to imagine a place where you feel very peaceful. For me, it's the walk from the yogurt shop to my car after I drop my daughter off on Sunday afternoons.
33903 7 2 Counseling 5159 Phyllis I'm glad Michael is getting help. He as a lot of issues, and he's stupid.
33904 7 2 Counseling 5160 Pam Look, I'm not going to tell you that we have lower prices. Is price something that is important to you? Ok, well let me know if anything changes.
33905 7 2 Counseling 5160 Jim Pam?
33906 7 2 Counseling 5160 Pam I can't do this. I don't have this sales gene, or whatever it is. Tell me everything is going to be ok.
33907 7 2 Counseling 5160 Jim Everything is going to be ok.
33908 7 2 Counseling 5160 Pam Tell me I'm good at sales.
33909 7 2 Counseling 5160 Jim You're good... you're good at sales.
33910 7 2 Counseling 5161 Pam The unfair thing about working in sales is that your salary is almost all commission. So, you suck at sales, you make almost no money. I guess that's fair.
33911 7 2 Counseling 5162 Andy Dwight?
33912 7 2 Counseling 5162 Dwight What?
33913 7 2 Counseling 5162 Andy Did you call all of my clients at the mall and cancel all my business while using the "F" word?
33914 7 2 Counseling 5162 Dwight Yes I did. And I'm going to do the same with all of your clients.
33915 7 2 Counseling 5162 Stanley No you will not.
33916 7 2 Counseling 5162 Dwight Oh yes I will! That mall is corrupt, ok! They're "appearance"ists!
33917 7 2 Counseling 5162 Jim Ok, Dwight. We can't do that. So why don't you just tell us what happened?
33918 7 2 Counseling 5162 Pam Yeah, what happened Dwight?
33919 7 2 Counseling 5162 Jim Ok.
33920 7 2 Counseling 5162 Dwight You guys know me. You know that I'm not one for fancy things, but there was this one thing. It was in a fancy store. And it caught the corner of my eye when I took Mose down to the Mall to get his blood pressure at the Rite-Aid. And I thought, you know, maybe I deserve this. You know, I had a great crop yield this fall...
33921 7 2 Counseling 5162 Pam So what happened?
33922 7 2 Counseling 5162 Dwight I went to the store and I pressed the buzzer, and they looked right at me, and then they looked away. And then I pressed the buzzer again, and they started taking pictures of me on their mobile phones. I guess I'm not the kind of guy that's good enough for precious heirlooms.
33923 7 2 Counseling 5162 Kelly You know what Dwight? You need to go back there, and you need to "Pretty Woman" their asses.
33924 7 2 Counseling 5162 Creed We should start our own mall!
33925 7 2 Counseling 5162 Erin Yeah!
33926 7 2 Counseling 5162 Jim Wait, wait, wait. That's actually a really good idea Kelly.
33927 7 2 Counseling 5162 Kelly What did I say?
33928 7 2 Counseling 5163 Kelly I talk a lot, so I've learned to just tune myself out.
33929 7 2 Counseling 5164 Jim Dwight, how about this? Instead of boycotting, you and I, together, go down to that store and we teach those snobs a lesson.
33930 7 2 Counseling 5164 Andy No, you and I... and I. I'm going to come with you.
33931 7 2 Counseling 5164 Dwight Ok
33932 7 2 Counseling 5164 Jim Alright.
33933 7 2 Counseling 5165 Andy Did you assume that I would automatically side with the rich snobby shop owner? How about now? How about now? How about now?
33934 7 2 Counseling 5166 Toby Uh... what was your favorite flavor of...
33935 7 2 Counseling 5166 Michael One hour.
33936 7 2 Counseling 5166 Toby What?
33937 7 2 Counseling 5166 Michael One hour. We've done one hour. Let's just speed this up, ok? Keep it moving. I want to do all six hours today.
33938 7 2 Counseling 5166 Toby Ok, I can't count the hour if you don't talk.
33939 7 2 Counseling 5166 Michael No, no, no! I know my rights! All I had to do was sit here for six hours. Do my time.
33940 7 2 Counseling 5166 Toby Michael, it's up to me to check off the boxes, and I can't do that unless I honestly...
33941 7 2 Counseling 5166 Michael You know, do you have any idea how angry this is making me?
33942 7 2 Counseling 5166 Toby Tell me!
33943 7 2 Counseling 5167 Toby I think we might be about to maybe really get somewhere.
33944 7 2 Counseling 5168 Michael Yes, I will. I will talk alright. Be careful what you wish for Toby.
33945 7 2 Counseling 5169 Dwight Apparently there is a famous Hollywood movie from the 1980's, Beautiful Girl...
33946 7 2 Counseling 5169 Andy Pretty Woman.
33947 7 2 Counseling 5169 Dwight Apparently, it's one of the best revenge stories of all times, in which this s*x worker, who is the antagonist... That can't be right. Andy? How does it...?
33948 7 2 Counseling 5169 Jim No, no. I want to hear you tell it.
33949 7 2 Counseling 5169 Dwight Ok, Um... The s*x worker is denied service at a fancy store because she does not look wealthy. She later returns dressed in all the "trappings" of extravagant wealth, but instead of going...
33950 7 2 Counseling 5169 Andy Julia Roberts goes into the store, and she's like," I was in here yesterday and you wouldn't help me." And the shop girl goes, "ok". And Julia Roberts goes," You girls work on commission, right?" And the girl is like,"Yeah", and Julia Roberts goes...
33951 7 2 Counseling 5169 Kelly "Big mistake! Huge!"
33952 7 2 Counseling 5169 Andy I was telling that... I was telling that.
33953 7 2 Counseling 5170 Stanley How many paper supplies and ink cartridges to go with that? Ok, sure.
33954 7 2 Counseling 5170 Window treatment guy Who can I speak to in this office about saving on window treatments?
33955 7 2 Counseling 5170 Erin I don't know.
33956 7 2 Counseling 5170 Window treatment guy Is one of you the office administrator?
33957 7 2 Counseling 5170 Pam I am. I am the office administrator!
33958 7 2 Counseling 5170 Window treatment guy Can I show you a few samples?
33959 7 2 Counseling 5170 Pam Oh, we're not interested. We're not interested at all.
33960 7 2 Counseling 5171 Pam There are a few ways to get promoted. One is to wait for an opening and apply for it. That's the main way. But this could work.
33961 7 2 Counseling 5172 Michael Toby, can I really tell you anything?
33962 7 2 Counseling 5172 Toby Of course.
33963 7 2 Counseling 5172 Michael Well, the other night, I was sitting at the table, eating my pen1s... I mean peas. That was weird. Aaaah... weird. I think that was ... I was probed. By an alien life form. An A.L.F. Alf, you know, I might have actually been probed by Alf. You might think he's a puppet. You never see the lower half. But there is a lower half.
33964 7 2 Counseling 5173 Oscar Office Administrator. So when did this happen?
33965 7 2 Counseling 5173 Pam A few months ago. I was talking to someone at corporate, who isn't there anymore, and I think the paperwork just got lost in the shuffle. Can you believe that?
33966 7 2 Counseling 5173 Oscar Yeah, totally. Well, congrats!
33967 7 2 Counseling 5173 Pam Thanks! Yeah, so I'm just going to take care of things around the office and get paid a reasonable salary. You believe that, right?
33968 7 2 Counseling 5173 Oscar Totally, that's great.
33969 7 2 Counseling 5173 Pam I get paid $40,000 per year.
33970 7 2 Counseling 5173 Oscar Great.
33971 7 2 Counseling 5173 Pam Maybe $50,000.
33972 7 2 Counseling 5173 Oscar $50,000?
33973 7 2 Counseling 5173 Pam No, not $50,000, $41,000, I think. $41,500.
33974 7 2 Counseling 5173 Oscar That's great.
33975 7 2 Counseling 5174 Jim Before me stands your coworker, Dwight Kurt Schrute. Dwight, show them all sides. Turn around. Now, today, we need your help turning Dwight into a gentleman.
33976 7 2 Counseling 5174 Andy A gentleman who is a rich snob who will go into shopping malls and drop huge amounts of cash on clothes.
33977 7 2 Counseling 5174 Stanley Is he still doing his boycott?
33978 7 2 Counseling 5174 Jim No, this is instead of the boycott. Yeah?
33979 7 2 Counseling 5174 Kelly You shirt and tie are disgusto-barfo.
33980 7 2 Counseling 5174 Jim Agreed.
33981 7 2 Counseling 5174 Dwight Really?
33982 7 2 Counseling 5174 Oscar Maybe something not so monochromatic. Not so matching.
33983 7 2 Counseling 5174 Dwight Wait. Less matching to appear more rich?
33984 7 2 Counseling 5174 Ryan The glasses are a little...
33985 7 2 Counseling 5174 Pam I liked them.
33986 7 2 Counseling 5174 Kelly I thought they were kind of cute.
33987 7 2 Counseling 5174 Ryan Yeah, I liked them too.
33988 7 2 Counseling 5174 Dwight I can't see.
33989 7 2 Counseling 5174 Darryl Say stuff like, "Good morning, Good Afternoon". People appreciate that.
33990 7 2 Counseling 5174 Dwight Wait, I see you every day. Can I say "Good month?"
33991 7 2 Counseling 5174 Darryl I'm telling you how to do this man.
33992 7 2 Counseling 5174 Andy If someone offers you a cocktail, accept, but keep your wits about you.
33993 7 2 Counseling 5174 Angel Please and thank you go a long way.
33994 7 2 Counseling 5174 Dwight Copy. Thank you.
33995 7 2 Counseling 5174 Angela Thank you.
33996 7 2 Counseling 5174 Dwight Please.
33997 7 2 Counseling 5174 Andy I think he's got it!
33998 7 2 Counseling 5175 Michael And I was raised by wolves. I was 25 years old before I saw my first human being. Wait, is it a full moon tonight?
33999 7 2 Counseling 5175 Toby Come on Michael. Those are all fake stories.
34000 7 2 Counseling 5175 Michael Yes, Yes. They are all fake stories. What sort of twisted mind would come up with weird stories like that? Three hours. We're half way done.
34001 7 2 Counseling 5175 Toby Oh.
34002 7 2 Counseling 5176 Pam Hey, do you have a second?
34003 7 2 Counseling 5176 Gabe Yeah.
34004 7 2 Counseling 5176 Pam Well, as I am sure you know, for the past few months, I've been the Office Administrator. Since right before you guys took over.
34005 7 2 Counseling 5176 Gabe Right, of course!
34006 7 2 Counseling 5176 Pam And, I haven't gotten paid yet. I'm not blaming you.
34007 7 2 Counseling 5176 Gabe Thank you so much.
34008 7 2 Counseling 5176 Pam I just think somebody lost the paperwork.
34009 7 2 Counseling 5176 Gabe Oh boy. Can you get every department head's signature on this so I can back this up to corporate?
34010 7 2 Counseling 5176 Pam Yes. Absolutely. Right away.
34011 7 2 Counseling 5177 Toby You know what Michael? You're right. You win. This is pointless. We're not getting anywhere. I got a bunch of fun stuff, in case my daughter ever comes over. Why don't we just run out the clock by playing games, drawing some pictures, talking?
34012 7 2 Counseling 5178 Jim We present to you for your comments and approval, Dwight K. Shrute.
34013 7 2 Counseling 5178 Phyllis Go get 'em Dwight.
34014 7 2 Counseling 5178 Jim Wish us luck!
34015 7 2 Counseling 5178 Dwight Thank you.
34016 7 2 Counseling 5178 Erin Dwight
34017 7 2 Counseling 5179 Erin Disposable cameras are fun, although it does seem wasteful and you don't ever get to see your pictures. If it's an important even that you want to remember, I recommend using a real camera. But I don't care if I forget today.
34018 7 2 Counseling 5180 Toby We can play something more complicated if you like.
34019 7 2 Counseling 5180 Michael This is plenty complicated.
34020 7 2 Counseling 5180 Toby So you have played it before?
34021 7 2 Counseling 5180 Michael I've played it once or twice with Jeff.
34022 7 2 Counseling 5180 Toby Who's Jeff?
34023 7 2 Counseling 5180 Michael Jeff was my mother's boyfriend, who she married.
34024 7 2 Counseling 5180 Toby So, her husband, your stepdad?
34025 7 2 Counseling 5180 Michael Yeah, Yeah. I guess I never thought about it that way, though.
34026 7 2 Counseling 5180 Toby Did you guys do much stuff together?
34027 7 2 Counseling 5180 Michael Yeah. You know what? He took me to a baseball game once, I remember. It was weird though. They took the pitcher out of the game. I felt really bad, because the pitcher wasn't able to play with his friends anymore. But Jeff said that the manager was making a really good move, by taking the pitcher out. He really respected the manager.
34028 7 2 Counseling 5181 Toby It's working. I'm doing it!
34029 7 2 Counseling 5182 Dwight What?
34030 7 2 Counseling 5182 Angela My place tonight. Wear this.
34031 7 2 Counseling 5182 Dwight Do you have your card?
34032 7 2 Counseling 5182 Angela Yes. Don't forget the pipe.
34033 7 2 Counseling 5183 Toby Its really sad that your dog ran away. Why did it keep you from going to the park?
34034 7 2 Counseling 5183 Michael I was afraid I would find him in the park, playing with another kid.
34035 7 2 Counseling 5183 Toby Why?
34036 7 2 Counseling 5183 Michael I guess that's why I thought he ran away in the first place. To find a kid he liked better.
34037 7 2 Counseling 5183 Toby Dogs don't do that.
34038 7 2 Counseling 5183 Michael Right. Why would a dog do that? That's silly.
34039 7 2 Counseling 5183 Toby I don't know.
34040 7 2 Counseling 5183 Michael When I hear myself say it, it sounds ridiculous. But I've never said it out loud, so...
34041 7 2 Counseling 5183 Toby It's very important for you to be liked, isn't it?
34042 7 2 Counseling 5183 Michael Well, lets not get too... This isn't a counseling session... Ok. Son of a gun. Son of a bitch. Wow! Ok.
34043 7 2 Counseling 5183 Toby I'm just trying to help you Michael.
34044 7 2 Counseling 5183 Michael You. Bitch. God! You're very helpful aren't you? You try to help everybody. Do you want to play another game?
34045 7 2 Counseling 5183 Toby I just want to...
34046 7 2 Counseling 5183 Michael You are good. But you know what? You can't help people. You couldn't help your marriage. You lose. I don't need your help. Nobody needs your help. Nobody wants it! You can't help anybody. I don't need your help! Am I going to make you cry?
34047 7 2 Counseling 5183 Toby Just fill them out any way you want.
34048 7 2 Counseling 5183 Michael Ok.
34049 7 2 Counseling 5183 Toby I'll have Erin fax them back to corporate.
34050 7 2 Counseling 5183 Michael You'll do. . . ok. Filled out. Good. Thank you doctor. Take two of these and call me in the morning.
34051 7 2 Counseling 5184 Pam Hey Michael, um... about three months ago, I was talking to...
34052 7 2 Counseling 5185 Pam There are a lot of one person departments here, so, there's a lot of department heads. But I'm off to a good start. Oh, man! If I could pull this off, it will be scam of all scams. And yet very helpful to everyone.
34053 7 2 Counseling 5186 Gabe So, Corporate got your evaluations, and they want me to check, is that really how you feel about Michaels situation?
34054 7 2 Counseling 5186 Toby Yes.
34055 7 2 Counseling 5186 Gabe That is not how it seems to me.
34056 7 2 Counseling 5186 Toby He seems fine.
34057 7 2 Counseling 5186 Gabe You marked severe in all the categories, including at risk for homicidal behavior.
34058 7 2 Counseling 5186 Toby Heh.
34059 7 2 Counseling 5187 Darryl I saw a TLC show on Kate Walsh's home office. All corkboard.
34060 7 2 Counseling 5187 Pam We can do that.
34061 7 2 Counseling 5187 Darryl Right in here?
34062 7 2 Counseling 5187 Pam Easily.
34063 7 2 Counseling 5187 Gabe I'm back! Ha ha. Pam, perfect. I was hoping to talk to the office administrator about a little office administration problem.
34064 7 2 Counseling 5187 Pam But of course!
34065 7 2 Counseling 5187 Gabe Great.
34066 7 2 Counseling 5188 Gabe The problem, unfortunately, is about the office administrator. I have gone through everything for the past three years. There is nothing that says you are the office administrator.
34067 7 2 Counseling 5188 Pam So weird that there is no paperwork.
34068 7 2 Counseling 5188 Gabe At all.
34069 7 2 Counseling 5188 Pam Although, like, unlikely things happen all the time. My best friend, in High School, she went to Australia, Canberra I think, and she met this guy who lived only two streets away in America.
34070 7 2 Counseling 5188 Gabe Pam, I don't want to accuse you of anything. I just want everything to be back the way it's supposed to be. Can you just admit... admit...
34071 7 2 Counseling 5188 Pam Admit what?
34072 7 2 Counseling 5188 Gabe I don't want to say it.
34073 7 2 Counseling 5188 Pam Say it.
34074 7 2 Counseling 5188 Gabe Mm-hmm.
34075 7 2 Counseling 5188 Pam Say that I'm lying or say that I have the job. Make a definitive statement, Gabe.
34076 7 2 Counseling 5188 Gabe Statements of such nature, while they have their place, are overused in a competitive business environment.
34077 7 2 Counseling 5188 Pam Great. Well, Let me know if you need a new chair, or anything that an Office Administrator can handle.
34078 7 2 Counseling 5188 Gabe Will do... Can I get one of those name plates... that says Gabe Lewis?
34079 7 2 Counseling 5188 Pam Sure. Anything else?
34080 7 2 Counseling 5188 Gabe Nope.
34081 7 2 Counseling 5188 Pam I'll get it right away.
34082 7 2 Counseling 5189 Pam The first lesson of watching World Poker Tour at 2:00 AM, you play the opponent. Not the cards.
34083 7 2 Counseling 5190 Jim Is that what you were here for? A crystal wizard? I like it.
34084 7 2 Counseling 5190 Dwight It is a pewter wizard holding a crystal.
34085 7 2 Counseling 5190 Jim Wait a second. You know you can't buy that now, right? And I can come back and get it for you later. But I'm saying right now, we can't do that.
34086 7 2 Counseling 5190 Dwight Because I'm here for one thing. Revenge.
34087 7 2 Counseling 5190 Jim That's it.
34088 7 2 Counseling 5190 Salesman Let me know if I can help you with anything.
34089 7 2 Counseling 5190 Dwight Excuse me sir.
34090 7 2 Counseling 5190 Salesman Yes?
34091 7 2 Counseling 5190 Dwight I was here yesterday, and you refused to wait on me.
34092 7 2 Counseling 5190 Salesman I remember, yes. I'm terribly sorry about that.
34093 7 2 Counseling 5190 Dwight You work on commission, don't you?
34094 7 2 Counseling 5190 Jim Stop, stop, stop.
34095 7 2 Counseling 5190 Salesman No, we don't.
34096 7 2 Counseling 5190 Jim Did you just say you remember him?
34097 7 2 Counseling 5190 Salesman Of course, but he looks much less threatening now.
34098 7 2 Counseling 5190 Jim What does that mean?
34099 7 2 Counseling 5190 Salesman We had a safety concern. Um... we very politely indicated that he'd be welcome back...
34100 7 2 Counseling 5190 Dwight Good Morning!
34101 7 2 Counseling 5190 Salesman If he were in accordance with our dress policy.
34102 7 2 Counseling 5190 Dwight What?
34103 7 2 Counseling 5190 Salesman But the blood stained hands...
34104 7 2 Counseling 5190 Dwight It was beet juice! I am a beet farmer idi...
34105 7 2 Counseling 5190 Salesman I'm very sorry.
34106 7 2 Counseling 5190 Dwight Good sir. I happen to have been working a very long day. When I came to you fine establishment. You are such a... I'm gonna... Ok. Listen. You can't treat... Thank you! Good morning sir!
34107 7 2 Counseling 5190 Jim Lets just go.
34108 7 2 Counseling 5190 Dwight You made a big mistake. Huge!
34109 7 2 Counseling 5190 Jim There it is. Alright.
34110 7 2 Counseling 5190 Dwight Aaah!
34111 7 2 Counseling 5190 Jim That's pretty good.
34112 7 2 Counseling 5190 Andy After you.
34113 7 2 Counseling 5190 Dwight I'll take the wizard!
34114 7 2 Counseling 5190 Salesman Oh, ok!
34115 7 2 Counseling 5191 Michael You forged them! You forged the forms!
34116 7 2 Counseling 5191 Toby You filled them in and faxed them yourself!
34117 7 2 Counseling 5191 Michael Yes.
34118 7 2 Counseling 5191 Toby You remember that.
34119 7 2 Counseling 5191 Michael Yes, but you had me so worked up that I made a mistake.
34120 7 2 Counseling 5191 Toby Unless part of you made that mistake on purpose.
34121 7 2 Counseling 5191 Michael You don't make a mistake on purpose, Toby! Then it is no longer a mistake... Gabe. He messed it up. He messed up the forms, I bet... "I mess everything up so I can fix it and keep my job! Bah! Good thing I'm here cause I do nothing. I make everybody nervous!" Ah, ok. Got your notebook? Alright. Alright, lets bang this out. Let's do it to it!
34122 7 3 Andy's Play 5192 Erin Andy?
34123 7 3 Andy's Play 5192 Jim Yes!
34124 7 3 Andy's Play 5192 Erin Did you write this?
34125 7 3 Andy's Play 5192 Andy No.
34126 7 3 Andy's Play 5192 Erin Who did?
34127 7 3 Andy's Play 5192 Andy Steven Sondheim.
34128 7 3 Andy's Play 5192 Erin Who is he?
34129 7 3 Andy's Play 5192 Angela What the hell is happening?
34130 7 3 Andy's Play 5193 Andy We're the cast of Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. We open in a couple weeks at the Loose Screw Playhouse here in Scranton and today just doing a wee bit of viral marketing.
34131 7 3 Andy's Play 5194 Michael That was amazing! That was awesome! I auditioned for this. When did the cast list go up?
34132 7 3 Andy's Play 5194 Andy Like a month ago.
34133 7 3 Andy's Play 5194 Michael Really? They didn't call me. Who am I playing? ...Andy?
34134 7 3 Andy's Play 5195 Andy Two comps. For my lady and her Gabe. It's closing night. Tomorrow we have to give the theater over to the Scranton's Miss Fitness pageant.
34135 7 3 Andy's Play 5195 Erin I am so excited. But I just need one. Gabe can't come. Sorry.
34136 7 3 Andy's Play 5195 Andy What? That's awful. Everyone's gonna miss that guy.
34137 7 3 Andy's Play 5196 Andy Gabe is not coming, which is huge because my plan is to make Erin fall back in love with me tonight. Women cannot resist a man singing show tunes. It's so powerful, even a lot of men can't resist a man singing show tunes.
34138 7 3 Andy's Play 5197 Erin Oh, who else is going?
34139 7 3 Andy's Play 5197 Andy Everyone.
34140 7 3 Andy's Play 5197 Erin Gabe seemed to think no one was going.
34141 7 3 Andy's Play 5197 Andy What kind of terrible rumor monger is Gabe? He is woefully misinformed, all right? Excuse me, clink, clink, clink, clink, everybody. You're all coming to my show tonight, right?
34142 7 3 Andy's Play 5197 Michael Andy, what time's the show?
34143 7 3 Andy's Play 5197 Andy 8pm sharp.
34144 7 3 Andy's Play 5197 Michael How long is it?
34145 7 3 Andy's Play 5197 Andy Hour forty-five.
34146 7 3 Andy's Play 5197 Michael Nope, can't make it.
34147 7 3 Andy's Play 5198 Michael They say that no one can take your pride, but the people who cast Andy's play, they took mine.
34148 7 3 Andy's Play 5199 Andy Jim, Pam, you guys are in, right?
34149 7 3 Andy's Play 5199 Pam Oh, we wanted to, but our sitter just fell through. I'm really sorry.
34150 7 3 Andy's Play 5199 Andy Dwight?
34151 7 3 Andy's Play 5199 Dwight Uh, no, thank you. Last time I went to the theater, a man dressed as a cat sat on my lap.
34152 7 3 Andy's Play 5200 Andy It would mean so much to me if you came to my show tonight.
34153 7 3 Andy's Play 5200 Michael I can't Andy, it's too hard. That's-I put everything I had into that audition. Do you understand that?
34154 7 3 Andy's Play 5200 Andy If it makes you feel any better, no one who auditioned for the part of Sweeney Todd got that part. They had to bring in a ringer.
34155 7 3 Andy's Play 5200 Michael Wow.
34156 7 3 Andy's Play 5200 Andy This guy's like world-class. You should not feel bad. I'm asking you thespian to thespian. Will you please be the bigger man and come to my show?
34157 7 3 Andy's Play 5200 Michael I wish I could, Andy, but I can't. I have plans that night. I'm going to see a friend in a play called Sweeney Todd. You're that friend. I'm going to see your play.
34158 7 3 Andy's Play 5200 Andy Noishe!
34159 7 3 Andy's Play 5200 Michael And scene.
34160 7 3 Andy's Play 5201 Angela Listen, I would like you to take me to Andy's play tonight.
34161 7 3 Andy's Play 5201 Dwight Please, waste of time. You know what? Let's just knock this out right now. Disrobe.
34162 7 3 Andy's Play 5202 Dwight Angela? Don't like her anymore. Not attracted to her anymore. Just contractually obligated to make a baby with her.
34163 7 3 Andy's Play 5203 Dwight Give me the punch card.
34164 7 3 Andy's Play 5203 Angela No. If you want to punch the punch card, you have to take me to the show.
34165 7 3 Andy's Play 5203 Dwight That is not in the contract.
34166 7 3 Andy's Play 5203 Angela Well, there's a lot of gray area in that clause. Do you want to re-mediate?
34167 7 3 Andy's Play 5203 Dwight Alright, fine. I'll go to your little show, but I'm not wearing a cape.
34168 7 3 Andy's Play 5203 Angela Thank you.
34169 7 3 Andy's Play 5204 Angela Dwight and I have a contractual agreement to procreate five times, plain and simple. And should he develop feelings for me, well, that would be permissible under item 7C, clause 2, so I would not object.
34170 7 3 Andy's Play 5205 Andy Hey, how are those salads?
34171 7 3 Andy's Play 5205 Jim It's my own fault-
34172 7 3 Andy's Play 5205 Andy My parents used to scramble to find babysitters so they could take my younger brother to do stuff. I understand how hard it can be. I just-tonight, if you could...
34173 7 3 Andy's Play 5205 Pam We'll keep looking.
34174 7 3 Andy's Play 5205 Andy Yes!
34175 7 3 Andy's Play 5205 Jim Really?
34176 7 3 Andy's Play 5205 Pam I mean, who knows? Maybe I have a niece my family never told me about.
34177 7 3 Andy's Play 5205 Andy Oh my gosh, that would be amazing.
34178 7 3 Andy's Play 5205 Pam Yeah.
34179 7 3 Andy's Play 5205 Jim For a lot of reasons.
34180 7 3 Andy's Play 5205 Andy Yeah, I know. Neiche!
34181 7 3 Andy's Play 5206 Michael Oh, hey guys.
34182 7 3 Andy's Play 5206 Stanley You brought balloons to a play?
34183 7 3 Andy's Play 5206 Michael I did, because I am being the bigger man, and balloons are bigger than flowers.
34184 7 3 Andy's Play 5206 Phyllis It's nice, like Up.
34185 7 3 Andy's Play 5206 Michael Yes.
34186 7 3 Andy's Play 5206 Usher Excuse me, are you the guy who did an entire Law & Order episode for his audition?
34187 7 3 Andy's Play 5206 Michael Nope.
34188 7 3 Andy's Play 5207 Andy Guys?
34189 7 3 Andy's Play 5207 All Hey! Andy!
34190 7 3 Andy's Play 5207 Andy You all made it, thank you so much.
34191 7 3 Andy's Play 5207 Jim You should actually thank Erin, she's the one who agreed to babysit.
34192 7 3 Andy's Play 5207 Andy She's babysitting?
34193 7 3 Andy's Play 5208 Erin I really wanted to see Andy's play, because he's so, so talented. But I've been trying to get in the babysitting game forever. The thirteen-year-olds in this town have a complete monopoly. It's almost like a babysitters club.
34194 7 3 Andy's Play 5209 Andy I understand. This is, like, huge opportunity for her.
34195 7 3 Andy's Play 5210 Michael This is ridiculous. You'd think they'd discourage people from bringing in balloons.
34196 7 3 Andy's Play 5210 Darryl Hey, I think this guy playing Sweeney Todd is my plumber.
34197 7 3 Andy's Play 5210 Michael No, Darryl. This guy's a world-class actor. He doesn't daylight as your plumber.
34198 7 3 Andy's Play 5210 Darryl No, it's my plumber. Says so in his bio. Apparently the director discovered him doing karaoke. It's his first play. He didn't even audition.
34199 7 3 Andy's Play 5210 Michael Are you kidding me?
34200 7 3 Andy's Play 5210 Darryl Shhh. If we don't listen to the overture, we won't recognize the musical themes when they come back later.
34201 7 3 Andy's Play 5210 Michael All right, I'm sorry. God.
34202 7 3 Andy's Play 5211 Usher Excuse me, I think you may be in the wrong seats.
34203 7 3 Andy's Play 5211 Kelly Ooooh!
34204 7 3 Andy's Play 5212 Dwight I work with that guy.
34205 7 3 Andy's Play 5212 Angela Ugh! There's gum on the seat and now it's on my work skirt. I have to go change.
34206 7 3 Andy's Play 5212 Dwight Too bad I'm not gonna explain anything that you miss.
34207 7 3 Andy's Play 5212 Angela Oh, Dwight, just move.
34208 7 3 Andy's Play 5212 Dwight His name's Andy. He's a terrible salesman.
34209 7 3 Andy's Play 5213 Kelly What time is it?
34210 7 3 Andy's Play 5214 Shelby Michael! Shelby Thomas Weemes, the director.
34211 7 3 Andy's Play 5214 Michael Hello.
34212 7 3 Andy's Play 5214 Shelby I promise you that if you keep auditioning with similar gusto...
34213 7 3 Andy's Play 5214 Michael Okay.
34214 7 3 Andy's Play 5214 Shelby We are going to find a production with a role for Michael Scott.
34215 7 3 Andy's Play 5214 Michael Okay.
34216 7 3 Andy's Play 5214 Shelby Yes?
34217 7 3 Andy's Play 5214 Michael Yes.
34218 7 3 Andy's Play 5214 Shelby Good.
34219 7 3 Andy's Play 5214 Michael Good.
34220 7 3 Andy's Play 5214 Shelby Enjoy the second act.
34221 7 3 Andy's Play 5214 Michael You enjoy the second act.
34222 7 3 Andy's Play 5214 Shelby Have a refreshment.
34223 7 3 Andy's Play 5214 Michael Thank you. You, too.
34224 7 3 Andy's Play 5215 Angela Come on, Dwight.
34225 7 3 Andy's Play 5215 Dwight Why are you dressed like a seed catalogue model?
34226 7 3 Andy's Play 5215 Angela These are just my dirty old gardening clothes. They were all that I had in my car.
34227 7 3 Andy's Play 5215 Dwight Let's go.
34228 7 3 Andy's Play 5216 Pam Hey, Erin, it's Pam. How ya doing? No, no, don't put Cece on the phone, because she can't talk yet. Okay. No, I was just calling to see how everything's going. Yeah? Yeah? It's good? The play? The play is kind of great. I mean, it's fun to hear Andy sing in the appropriate setting. Now, he's really sorry you couldn't make it, too. Yeah. So thank you so much, again. We're having a great time. Oh, they're flashing the lights so we should go in. Thanks. Bye. Okay, so we called. And everything's fine!
34229 7 3 Andy's Play 5216 Jim Everything's fine.
34230 7 3 Andy's Play 5216 Pam We can relax.
34231 7 3 Andy's Play 5216 Jim We can relax. Let's get our Sweeney on.
34232 7 3 Andy's Play 5217 Meredith Michael!
34233 7 3 Andy's Play 5218 Andy Just checking my e-mails. See if I got any last-minute "break a legs" or "I still love you" type texts. Doesn't look like I got anything. Maybe on my Facebook wall.
34234 7 3 Andy's Play 5219 Creed Unfortunately, in this ham-fisted production of Sweeney Todd, the real terror comes from the vocal performances. New paragraph.
34235 7 3 Andy's Play 5220 Andy Mr. Todd! Mr. Todd! I found her!
34236 7 3 Andy's Play 5220 Sweeney Todd You found Johanna.
34237 7 3 Andy's Play 5220 Andy That monster of a judge has locked her-. Locked her away.
34238 7 3 Andy's Play 5220 Sweeney Todd There's a little bird fluttering around. Do hope it ceases chirping.
34239 7 3 Andy's Play 5220 Michael How is that funny?
34240 7 3 Andy's Play 5220 Sweeney Todd The bird continues to call. Someone please turn off your... bird. Oh, for the love-turn your phone off! There are signs!
34241 7 3 Andy's Play 5220 Andy Oh, it appears the bird was in mine own pocket this whole time. He's gone to sleep now, I've closed his beak.
34242 7 3 Andy's Play 5220 Sweeney Todd What is the news of my darling daughter Johanna?
34243 7 3 Andy's Play 5220 Andy You know what? Let me just double check, that bird... Okay, good. It's off. I mean, silenced. I silenced it by killing it. I've killed it! I'm a murderer! Just like you, Sweeney Todd. See, it all connects. Not that I know you're a murderer. My character doesn't know that yet. But I'm suspicious, because of all the razors that you have laying around. And you spend time alone. But you're a barber, so that's legit. So there's that. But...
34244 7 3 Andy's Play 5220 Sweeney Todd Where is Johanna?
34245 7 3 Andy's Play 5220 Andy A madhouse.
34246 7 3 Andy's Play 5220 Sweeney Todd A madhouse?
34247 7 3 Andy's Play 5220 Andy Yes, a madhouse.
34248 7 3 Andy's Play 5220 Sweeney Todd A madhouse? Johanna is as good as rescued. Where do you suppose all the wig makes of London go to obtain their human hair?
34249 7 3 Andy's Play 5220 Andy Do you think... so you think...
34250 7 3 Andy's Play 5220 Sweeney Todd Fogg's Asylum , why not?
34251 7 3 Andy's Play 5220 Pam Sounds like Cece.
34252 7 3 Andy's Play 5220 Jim Okay, I think everybody just needs to relax.
34253 7 3 Andy's Play 5220 Pam Oh, my God! Go, go!
34254 7 3 Andy's Play 5220 Jim Oh, my God.
34255 7 3 Andy's Play 5221 Andy That's really irresponsible of Erin. She's a terrible babysitter.
34256 7 3 Andy's Play 5222 Erin I just didn't think that you guys were gonna see us. We were just gonna stop by and get some ice cream and then go home.
34257 7 3 Andy's Play 5222 Jim Okay, this was pretty simple-
34258 7 3 Andy's Play 5222 Pam Why are you here?
34259 7 3 Andy's Play 5222 Jim Really, all you had to do was play with her for, like, 30 minutes and then put her to bed.
34260 7 3 Andy's Play 5222 Pam What possible explanation could you have for possibly being here? I don't... you know, babies shouldn't have ice cream, by the way.
34261 7 3 Andy's Play 5222 Erin I'm sorry. I just really wanted to see Andy. You guys made it sound so unmissable, and you set me up with a car seat and everything.
34262 7 3 Andy's Play 5222 Jim Well, the car seat was to take her to the hospital, or...
34263 7 3 Andy's Play 5222 Erin Oh, no, why would I take her to the hospital?
34264 7 3 Andy's Play 5222 Pam You know what? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.
34265 7 3 Andy's Play 5222 Erin Why don't I just take her home and let you guys finish, and then you should stay out as late as you want.
34266 7 3 Andy's Play 5222 Jim No, we're good. Thank you, though.
34267 7 3 Andy's Play 5222 Erin Okay. Alright, bye Cece.
34268 7 3 Andy's Play 5222 Pam Okay.
34269 7 3 Andy's Play 5222 Jim Alright, well, we're never leaving the house again.
34270 7 3 Andy's Play 5222 Pam Not together!
34271 7 3 Andy's Play 5223 Michael Boo! Boo!
34272 7 3 Andy's Play 5224 Angela That was more horrifying than Nunsense.
34273 7 3 Andy's Play 5224 Dwight All that singing got in the way of some perfectly good murders.
34274 7 3 Andy's Play 5224 Angela Where's my car? Come on.
34275 7 3 Andy's Play 5225 Michael Mmm! Fruit is so much better when it's dried. I've already eaten, like, 30 apricots.
34276 7 3 Andy's Play 5225 Sweeney Todd Darryl?
34277 7 3 Andy's Play 5225 Darryl Hey!
34278 7 3 Andy's Play 5225 Sweeney Todd Didn't know you were gonna be here. How's the toilet?
34279 7 3 Andy's Play 5225 Darryl Silent. Look, congratulations.
34280 7 3 Andy's Play 5225 Sweeney Todd Thank you.
34281 7 3 Andy's Play 5225 Darryl I had no idea. This plumber has pipes!
34282 7 3 Andy's Play 5225 Michael Yeah, good job. Well done.
34283 7 3 Andy's Play 5225 Sweeney Todd You're the guy who booed me.
34284 7 3 Andy's Play 5225 Michael Hmm? No, there were a lot of people booing you. I wasn't one of em.
34285 7 3 Andy's Play 5225 Sweeney Todd No, I saw you, and you were the only one.
34286 7 3 Andy's Play 5225 Michael Get your eyes checked, chucklehead.
34287 7 3 Andy's Play 5225 Creed Be cool, Michael. I saw this guy kill a bunch of people. Good work.
34288 7 3 Andy's Play 5225 Sweeney Todd Thank you.
34289 7 3 Andy's Play 5225 Darryl You didn't have to boo him.
34290 7 3 Andy's Play 5225 Michael Well, he was getting a lot of applause, and I just didn't think it was indicative of how people were really feeling.
34291 7 3 Andy's Play 5225 Darryl How would you like it if we booed you?
34292 7 3 Andy's Play 5225 Michael That would never happen.
34293 7 3 Andy's Play 5225 Darryl Boo! Boo!
34294 7 3 Andy's Play 5225 Michael Okay. I appreciate the feedback.
34295 7 3 Andy's Play 5225 Darryl Boo! Boo!
34296 7 3 Andy's Play 5226 Michael I don't like that at all.
34297 7 3 Andy's Play 5227 Andy Are you ready?
34298 7 3 Andy's Play 5227 Erin Yes. Oh, I'm so scared! Okay, kill me! Just kill me! Kill me!
34299 7 3 Andy's Play 5227 Andy Ah! Blood everywhere.
34300 7 3 Andy's Play 5227 Erin Oh, no. I'm so glad we're hanging out again outside of work.
34301 7 3 Andy's Play 5227 Andy Yeah, me, too.
34302 7 3 Andy's Play 5227 Erin Okay, I kill you now.
34303 7 3 Andy's Play 5227 Andy Okay.
34304 7 3 Andy's Play 5228 Dwight All right, let's do this.
34305 7 3 Andy's Play 5228 Angela No, actually, Dwight, I didn't realize how far this walk was, and I-I'm exhausted.
34306 7 3 Andy's Play 5228 Dwight It's okay, I smell.
34307 7 3 Andy's Play 5228 Angela No, no, no, no. I think I just want to go home, but it's okay. This can count as one of your times.
34308 7 3 Andy's Play 5228 Dwight No, no, no. Contractually we're obligated to have s*x.
34309 7 3 Andy's Play 5228 Angela Well, I won't tell if you don't.
34310 7 3 Andy's Play 5228 Dwight I will tell. I will tell the mediator. What-what are you... Ok. Oh, was that in the way? Get rid of it.
34311 7 3 Andy's Play 5228 Angela Good night, Dwight.
34312 7 3 Andy's Play 5228 Dwight Good night.
34313 7 3 Andy's Play 5229 Andy These would have been your seats. Best seats in the house. Lots of people think it would be the front row, but actually, right here, this is where the speakers converge, and the sound just, like, nails you right here.
34314 7 3 Andy's Play 5229 Erin This is awesome. Sorry. Hi, Gabe. Yeah, I just stopped by Andy's cast party to say hi to everyone. Oh, sure, I can pick you up some soup. What do you want? That's broth, Gabe. Okay, I-I'll see you soup. Okay, I have to go. Thank you so much. This is so much fun, and I'm really sorry that I missed your play, but next time I'll be there. Or here. Right here, I promise.
34315 7 3 Andy's Play 5229 Andy Awesome.
34316 7 3 Andy's Play 5229 Erin Okay.
34317 7 3 Andy's Play 5229 Andy See you later.
34318 7 3 Andy's Play 5229 Erin Thank you.
34319 7 3 Andy's Play 5230 Jim It's like The Hurt Locker!
34320 7 3 Andy's Play 5231 Pam This night was a disaster.
34321 7 3 Andy's Play 5231 Jim No, it was not a disaster. It was weird, but it wasn't a disaster. I think we have, like, a gift bottle of Irish cream.
34322 7 3 Andy's Play 5231 Pam Yeah?
34323 7 3 Andy's Play 5231 Jim We could put that in orange juice.
34324 7 3 Andy's Play 5231 Pam Get it.
34325 7 3 Andy's Play 5231 Jim Yeah?
34326 7 3 Andy's Play 5231 Pam Let's get our juice on.
34327 7 3 Andy's Play 5231 Jim Yeah!
34328 7 3 Andy's Play 5232 Phyllis Found him!
34329 7 3 Andy's Play 5232 Michael Hey, what's going on here? Post-show blues?
34330 7 3 Andy's Play 5232 Andy Yeah, I guess you could say that.
34331 7 3 Andy's Play 5232 Michael Yeah, I get those every day after work.
34332 7 3 Andy's Play 5232 Phyllis Your show was really great, Andy.
34333 7 3 Andy's Play 5232 Stanley Interesting subject matter. I'm surprised you pulled it off.
34334 7 3 Andy's Play 5232 Andy It was like amateur hour.
34335 7 3 Andy's Play 5232 Oscar It was an amateur production, technically.
34336 7 3 Andy's Play 5232 Michael Oscar. Enough with the sass, please. God! What is wrong with you? Andy, listen to me. Look me in the eye. I thought that you were awesome.
34337 7 3 Andy's Play 5232 Andy Stop just saying that.
34338 7 3 Andy's Play 5232 Michael I am not just saying that. You can trust that I am telling you the truth. I booed someone tonight. I have no filter. And if I thought you were terrible, I would have booed. And if I thought you had done a better job, I would be saying nicer things right now. But I thought that you were exactly awesome. No better, no worse.
34339 7 3 Andy's Play 5232 Andy Thank you. That feels good.
34340 7 3 Andy's Play 5232 Michael I did not say that to make you feel good. I just said it. Total integrity.
34341 7 3 Andy's Play 5232 Darryl Andy, sing us another song.
34342 7 3 Andy's Play 5232 Andy Thanks, but I feel like a loner right now.
34343 7 3 Andy's Play 5232 Phyllis Oh, come on, Andy, you were the highlight.
34344 7 3 Andy's Play 5232 Michael Come on, Andy, seriously.
34345 7 3 Andy's Play 5232 All Andy! Andy! Andy! Andy! Andy!
34346 7 3 Andy's Play 5232 Andy Okay, all right, all right, all right.
34347 7 3 Andy's Play 5233 Michael In the criminal justice system, the people are defended by two separate but equally important groups, the police who investigate the crimes and the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories. Kun-kun! I'm just a cleaning lady. Aah! A dead body. He wrapped his belt around his own neck. It looks like a classic case of autoerotic asphyxiation. Yeah, looks like everyone's tightening their belts in this economy. Last time you saw the victim, was he happy? Last time I saw this John, he was-he wasn't a victim, if you know what I'm talkin about.
34348 7 3 Andy's Play 5233 Shelby Thanks you.
34349 7 3 Andy's Play 5233 Michael No, that was- I'm just getting into the first act.
34350 7 4 s*x Ed 5234 Dwight Hola, hola. Necesito une bueno worker. Tu esporte! Come on! Que? QUE?
34351 7 4 s*x Ed 5235 Son We don't go with that man. I've seen several men go with that man and not come back.
34352 7 4 s*x Ed 5235 Son We've lost friends.
34353 7 4 s*x Ed 5235 Son We don't know what he does with them.
34354 7 4 s*x Ed 5235 Son I don't want to talk about it anymore.
34355 7 4 s*x Ed 5236 Dwight I pick up day laborers and tell them they'll get paid at six p.m. At five forty five, a certain INS agent by the name of Mose Schrute throws them in the back of a van, drops them off in the middle of Harrisburg and tells them it's Canada.
34356 7 4 s*x Ed 5237 Nate Hola amigo.
34357 7 4 s*x Ed 5237 Dwight Hola, tu es une buena worker?
34358 7 4 s*x Ed 5237 Nate Si, yo muy bueno worker.
34359 7 4 s*x Ed 5237 Dwight Y el accento, donde are you from?
34360 7 4 s*x Ed 5237 Nate Scranton, y before that La Philadelphia.
34361 7 4 s*x Ed 5237 Dwight You speak English?
34362 7 4 s*x Ed 5237 Nate Yes, I'm really good at English.
34363 7 4 s*x Ed 5237 Dwight Ok, good. Me too, get in the car.
34364 7 4 s*x Ed 5237 Nate Okay.
34365 7 4 s*x Ed 5238 Angela Who's this guy by our cars?
34366 7 4 s*x Ed 5238 Dwight That is my new maintenance worker, Nate. And you'll be happy to know that he's taking care of that hornet's nest that you've been griping about.
34367 7 4 s*x Ed 5238 Phyllis Yeah, I got stung up my dress.
34368 7 4 s*x Ed 5238 Dwight Poor hornet.
34369 7 4 s*x Ed 5238 Dwight I left him all the tools he needs. This is do or die. If he chooses correctly he'll conquer the hornets...
34370 7 4 s*x Ed 5238 Ryan But if he doesn't?
34371 7 4 s*x Ed 5238 Dwight He'll die.
34372 7 4 s*x Ed 5238 Kelly What?
34373 7 4 s*x Ed 5238 Andy Uhh, beg your pardon?
34374 7 4 s*x Ed 5238 Dwight When did the phrase do or die become so corrupted?
34375 7 4 s*x Ed 5238 Kelly Is that a blow torch?!
34376 7 4 s*x Ed 5238 Pam No. No no no!
34377 7 4 s*x Ed 5238 Dwight Interesting choice...
34378 7 4 s*x Ed 5238 Pam Yes!
34379 7 4 s*x Ed 5238 Andy Very very smart.
34380 7 4 s*x Ed 5238 Pam Yeah, go away.
34381 7 4 s*x Ed 5238 Employees except Dwight No! No no!
34382 7 4 s*x Ed 5238 Dwight A bat! Impressive...
34383 7 4 s*x Ed 5238 Andy Oh it's stinging him! Ow! Ow!
34384 7 4 s*x Ed 5239 Michael Good morning Erin, any mustaches? I mean messages?
34385 7 4 s*x Ed 5239 Erin Terrific!
34386 7 4 s*x Ed 5240 Michael There are many reasons a man would wear a fake mustache to work. He is a fan of the outrageous. He loves to surprise! He loves... other things as well.
34387 7 4 s*x Ed 5241 Phyllis God! Wow!
34388 7 4 s*x Ed 5241 Michael Look, It's a pimple Phyllis. Avrile Lavigne gets them all the time and she rocks harder than anyone alive.
34389 7 4 s*x Ed 5241 Phyllis That's no pimple Michael.
34390 7 4 s*x Ed 5241 Michael You mean cancer?
34391 7 4 s*x Ed 5241 Pam What? No! Wait, no. Definitely not cancer.
34392 7 4 s*x Ed 5242 Pam It's just good to stop a Michael train of thought early before it derails and destroys the entire town.
34393 7 4 s*x Ed 5243 Meredith Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. It's just a cold sore.
34394 7 4 s*x Ed 5243 Michael It is?
34395 7 4 s*x Ed 5243 Meredith Yup, just a cold sore.
34396 7 4 s*x Ed 5243 Michael Just a cold sore, thank you. Phyllis, I don't have acne. I have a cold sore. I don't even have a cold. I don't know how I got it.
34397 7 4 s*x Ed 5243 Kevin I know how you got it.
34398 7 4 s*x Ed 5243 Michael How?
34399 7 4 s*x Ed 5243 Kevin Michael come on. A cold sore is herpes.
34400 7 4 s*x Ed 5243 Michael What?
34401 7 4 s*x Ed 5243 Pam Wait! What you should do, Michael, is have a doctor take a look at it. Because we really don't know what that is.
34402 7 4 s*x Ed 5243 Meredith I know tons and tons of people who have herpes. I have it myself. That's what it is.
34403 7 4 s*x Ed 5243 Kevin I never seen herpes on you.
34404 7 4 s*x Ed 5243 Meredith Because it's on my genitals, genius.
34405 7 4 s*x Ed 5243 Kevin You have a pen1s?
34406 7 4 s*x Ed 5243 Andy Michael, have you ever been tested for STDs?
34407 7 4 s*x Ed 5243 Michael Yeah! My last physical when I was forty.
34408 7 4 s*x Ed 5243 Jim That was like, ten years ago.
34409 7 4 s*x Ed 5243 Michael No! It was like four years ago!
34410 7 4 s*x Ed 5243 Kevin Michael, you're at least forty six!
34411 7 4 s*x Ed 5243 Michael Why at least? If you're guessing forty six just say forty six.
34412 7 4 s*x Ed 5244 Kelly Can we please talk about how gross Meredith is?
34413 7 4 s*x Ed 5244 Angela This is what you get when you treat your body like an outhouse.
34414 7 4 s*x Ed 5244 Andy You know what guys, why don't we just chill out on this herp-chat. Ok? I was an REA in college and I can tell you, number one sexually transmitted disease is ignorance.
34415 7 4 s*x Ed 5244 Kelly I guess maybe you should go marry a meth dealer with crabs.
34416 7 4 s*x Ed 5244 Oscar I don't even wanna know these things!
34417 7 4 s*x Ed 5244 Meredith Hey guys!
34418 7 4 s*x Ed 5245 Michael How did this happen, how did I get this?
34419 7 4 s*x Ed 5245 Dwight Some eggs can rely dormant in a woman for years, they may not even know they have it.
34420 7 4 s*x Ed 5245 Michael You know what, I feel like one of those old timey sailors. With the eye patch. It's me own damn fault. Woman in every port.
34421 7 4 s*x Ed 5245 Dwight What port? The Jan port. The Holly Por...
34422 7 4 s*x Ed 5245 Michael Don't even! Holly was clean! Okay? If anything I gave it to her.
34423 7 4 s*x Ed 5245 Dwight You may have...
34424 7 4 s*x Ed 5245 Michael Oh my God! What if I did?
34425 7 4 s*x Ed 5245 Dwight You need to contact Holly! You need to notify her, that she is crawling with herpes.
34426 7 4 s*x Ed 5245 Michael Okay! You know what? Might! Might be crawling with herpes. I might have gotten it after her.
34427 7 4 s*x Ed 5245 Dwight You need to contact every woman you've been with, and notify them of your herpes infestation. It's the right thing to do.
34428 7 4 s*x Ed 5245 Michael There's no way I'm gonna do that.
34429 7 4 s*x Ed 5245 Dwight Then I will.
34430 7 4 s*x Ed 5246 Dwight No, I'm no doctor, but it seems to me that we all have an obligation to the public health to track down anyone who gives us a disease, inform them of it, and take overwhelming revenge on that person. Again, I'm no doctor. I'm just a normal guy who enjoys revenge.
34431 7 4 s*x Ed 5247 Donna Hello?
34432 7 4 s*x Ed 5247 Michael Hi Donna. It's Michael.
34433 7 4 s*x Ed 5247 Donna Michael, I didn't think I'd here from you. How have you been?
34434 7 4 s*x Ed 5247 Michael I have a disease, for which there is no known cure, that has been sexually transmitted to me.
34435 7 4 s*x Ed 5247 Donna Oh no.
34436 7 4 s*x Ed 5247 Michael I can't even say it. H-I...
34437 7 4 s*x Ed 5247 Donna Oh my God.
34438 7 4 s*x Ed 5247 Michael ...R-P-E-E-S
34439 7 4 s*x Ed 5247 Donna Wait, you're calling to tell me that you have herpes?
34440 7 4 s*x Ed 5247 Michael No, I am calling to see if you gave me herpes. Because if you did I would be able to avoid a lot of sucky conversations. So you have it right?
34441 7 4 s*x Ed 5247 Donna Ummm, no.
34442 7 4 s*x Ed 5247 Michael Does your stupid husband have it?
34443 7 4 s*x Ed 5247 Donna No! He doesn't. Are you telling me I have to get tested?
34444 7 4 s*x Ed 5247 Michael Yes I am telling you you have to get tested for herpes. Good-bye!
34445 7 4 s*x Ed 5247 Dwight So long Donna!
34446 7 4 s*x Ed 5248 Andy Excuse me everyone, can I have your attention please?
34447 7 4 s*x Ed 5248 Stanley Not again...
34448 7 4 s*x Ed 5248 Andy What do you mean again?
34449 7 4 s*x Ed 5248 Stanley You're always asking for our attention.
34450 7 4 s*x Ed 5248 Andy Maybe like a year ago...
34451 7 4 s*x Ed 5248 Stanley Seems recent.
34452 7 4 s*x Ed 5248 Andy No, that's...
34453 7 4 s*x Ed 5248 Oscar Andy, the reason it seems more recent is because many of us here have never stood up and asked for everyone's attention, and it seems like you've done it on several occasions.
34454 7 4 s*x Ed 5248 Andy Everyone, I've noticed that we have not been entirely kind to one of our own, due to stigmas and prejudices.
34455 7 4 s*x Ed 5248 Phyllis Oh! When you got your new phone, that's when you asked for everyone's attention.
34456 7 4 s*x Ed 5248 Stanley That's what I was thinking, you kept announcing scores.
34457 7 4 s*x Ed 5248 Andy It's the world's only international sport!
34458 7 4 s*x Ed 5249 Holly This is Holly.
34459 7 4 s*x Ed 5249 Michael No this is Holly.
34460 7 4 s*x Ed 5249 Holly No this is Holly.
34461 7 4 s*x Ed 5249 Michael No this is Holly.
34462 7 4 s*x Ed 5249 Holly No, this is Michael Scott.
34463 7 4 s*x Ed 5249 Michael Busted. So what can I do for you Holly.
34464 7 4 s*x Ed 5249 Holly I am calling because, there's a terrible crash!
34465 7 4 s*x Ed 5249 Michael Oh really? Was anyone killed?
34466 7 4 s*x Ed 5249 Holly A lot of people.
34467 7 4 s*x Ed 5249 Michael Any nuns?
34468 7 4 s*x Ed 5249 Holly Three nuns, from a Missionary in South Africa.
34469 7 4 s*x Ed 5249 Michael Were they in the missionary position?
34470 7 4 s*x Ed 5250 Andy Ba na na na na. Hot pizza, check it and see. Ba na na na. Got a whole bunch of pepperoni. Ba na na na na. Yeah, now you're looking at me. Anyone who's interested in entering into an honest discussion about the sexual mores and taboos of modern society will be rewarded with a pizza break.
34471 7 4 s*x Ed 5251 Michael Do you ever wonder what life would have been like if you hadn't been transferred?
34472 7 4 s*x Ed 5251 Holly Yeah.
34473 7 4 s*x Ed 5251 Michael We would have twins.
34474 7 4 s*x Ed 5251 Holly I don't think we'd have kids.
34475 7 4 s*x Ed 5251 Michael Mmhmm!
34476 7 4 s*x Ed 5251 Holly It was just for a few weeks!
34477 7 4 s*x Ed 5251 Michael Mhhmm! We would be married.
34478 7 4 s*x Ed 5251 Holly Michael, I have been dating A.J. for a year and a half now. You do this you know.
34479 7 4 s*x Ed 5251 Michael Do what?
34480 7 4 s*x Ed 5251 Holly You romanticize things.
34481 7 4 s*x Ed 5251 Michael I don't romanticize th- No...
34482 7 4 s*x Ed 5251 Holly Michael, you cried at that tagline for a movie you made up.
34483 7 4 s*x Ed 5251 Michael He had no arms or legs, he couldn't hear see, or speak... This is how he let a nation.
34484 7 4 s*x Ed 5251 Holly You made ourselves to be more than we were.
34485 7 4 s*x Ed 5251 Michael We were more than we were.
34486 7 4 s*x Ed 5251 Holly I don't know what you're getting so upset about, we had to break up a long time ago, it was a good memory.
34487 7 4 s*x Ed 5251 Michael Ok, alright I gotta go.
34488 7 4 s*x Ed 5251 Holly Michael...
34489 7 4 s*x Ed 5251 Dwight He forgot to mention the herpes.
34490 7 4 s*x Ed 5251 Michael It didn't come up organically.
34491 7 4 s*x Ed 5252 Jan ...to accommodate the, uh, suppliers. Gentlemen! Nice to see you, it'll be just a moment. If you could show them into Conference Room B. The pharmaceutical aspects should be able to...
34492 7 4 s*x Ed 5253 Jan How do I do it? Raise my daughter, work as director of office purchasing for this hospital and release an album of Dorris Day covers on my own label? If I knew I'd tell you.
34493 7 4 s*x Ed 5254 Michael It's nice to see you doing so well.
34494 7 4 s*x Ed 5254 Jan Yeah I'm really happy. Me and Astrid against the world. We're loving it, yeah. I'm kind of a supermom.
34495 7 4 s*x Ed 5254 Michael Bringing home the bacon.
34496 7 4 s*x Ed 5254 Jan Yeah. Fry it up in a pan. Never never never let you forget... I love that commercial.
34497 7 4 s*x Ed 5254 Dwight I don't understand the reference.
34498 7 4 s*x Ed 5254 Jan Well, Michael, it was nice to get your call.
34499 7 4 s*x Ed 5254 Dwight We had to come over right away, it's urgent. Michael has something to tell you.
34500 7 4 s*x Ed 5254 Jan Are you gonna keep me in suspense?
34501 7 4 s*x Ed 5254 Michael Would you excuse us...
34502 7 4 s*x Ed 5254 Dwight Ok I'm gonna head outta here, I know you have a lot to talk about. Ok, is there a, an operating theater that's open to visitors? Never mind I'll find it.
34503 7 4 s*x Ed 5254 Michael He hasn't changed.
34504 7 4 s*x Ed 5254 Jan No, so what couldn't wait?
34505 7 4 s*x Ed 5254 Michael Am I the kind of person to misremember our relationship as more than it ever was?
34506 7 4 s*x Ed 5254 Jan Michael Scott, you are here for a post mortem.
34507 7 4 s*x Ed 5254 Michael What?
34508 7 4 s*x Ed 5254 Jan You wanna dig into our relationship, go over it, see what killed it. Ok, I'm in.
34509 7 4 s*x Ed 5255 Andy So, guys. I've been really bothered by the way certain people are getting treated around here, and I just think as an office we're better than that. Ok, now I'm going to show you a picture of genitalia.
34510 7 4 s*x Ed 5255 Erin Andy...
34511 7 4 s*x Ed 5255 Andy What, is it because he's black?
34512 7 4 s*x Ed 5255 Jim Nope, it's because it's genitalia.
34513 7 4 s*x Ed 5255 Andy Perfectly normal genitalia Tuna. Now I'm going to show you another picture of perfectly normal genitalia.
34514 7 4 s*x Ed 5255 Jim Am I blocking anybody? Can everybody see?
34515 7 4 s*x Ed 5255 Andy It's normal! Big deal! Yeah sure it has some herpes on it, but you know what? It's just as normal as anyone else's.
34516 7 4 s*x Ed 5256 Jan No! In the beginning we were not good.
34517 7 4 s*x Ed 5256 Michael Well, there was a little bit of a learning curve in the conversation department, but between the sheets we were like Jordan and Pippin!
34518 7 4 s*x Ed 5256 Jan Well if there's anything exciting about it it's because we both knew it was wrong!
34519 7 4 s*x Ed 5256 Michael Because we work together.
34520 7 4 s*x Ed 5256 Jan No, ok. Imagine there's a princess, who falls for a guy beneath her station, and the queen doesn't like this at all. And the princess knows that the queen doesn't like it so it just makes her wanna do it all the more just to get at the queen!
34521 7 4 s*x Ed 5256 Michael Am I the princess?
34522 7 4 s*x Ed 5256 Jan No I'm the princess, and the queen.
34523 7 4 s*x Ed 5256 Michael Ok, so I'm the guy at the station.
34524 7 4 s*x Ed 5256 Astrid Mommy!
34525 7 4 s*x Ed 5256 Jan Assy! Awwhhh how was school?
34526 7 4 s*x Ed 5256 Astrid It was cool.
34527 7 4 s*x Ed 5256 Jan What did you learn?
34528 7 4 s*x Ed 5256 Astrid What did I learn?
34529 7 4 s*x Ed 5256 Jan You might have learned shapes, or blocks, or clocks, or colors. Or you might have learned that we're all, sisters and brothers.
34530 7 4 s*x Ed 5256 Michael I have herpes.
34531 7 4 s*x Ed 5257 Michael I used to think that she was the one. Or at least A the one. And if I called that one so wrong...
34532 7 4 s*x Ed 5258 Andy Herpes, like all STDS, is a consequence of s*x. Can anyone else name any other consequences?
34533 7 4 s*x Ed 5258 Kevin It feels unbelievable!
34534 7 4 s*x Ed 5258 Andy Ok I guess I can make a pros column. Feels...
34535 7 4 s*x Ed 5258 Kevin ...unbelievable.
34536 7 4 s*x Ed 5258 Phyllis The ability to express love physically. It's a magical thing.
34537 7 4 s*x Ed 5258 Andy Express love, magical.
34538 7 4 s*x Ed 5258 Kevin It feels amazing!
34539 7 4 s*x Ed 5258 Andy Umm, ok is that different from feels unbelievable?
34540 7 4 s*x Ed 5258 Kevin Yes.
34541 7 4 s*x Ed 5258 Andy Then I will write it down.
34542 7 4 s*x Ed 5258 Creed The feeling of pure risk.
34543 7 4 s*x Ed 5258 Andy I actually had that down in the cons column, but...
34544 7 4 s*x Ed 5258 Creed It's thrilling.
34545 7 4 s*x Ed 5258 Andy Ok, umm. I'll move that. Thrill of risk.
34546 7 4 s*x Ed 5258 Erin Andy, aren't there also negatives to s*x?
34547 7 4 s*x Ed 5258 Andy Yes! Thank you! Such as?
34548 7 4 s*x Ed 5258 Erin Unplanned pregnancy.
34549 7 4 s*x Ed 5258 Andy Yes, unplanned pregnancy.
34550 7 4 s*x Ed 5258 Kelly Like Jim and Pam, say whaaat?
34551 7 4 s*x Ed 5258 Kevin Just admit that your baby was a mistake.
34552 7 4 s*x Ed 5258 Pam Hey! Our baby was not a mistake. She was a surprise.
34553 7 4 s*x Ed 5258 Jim Good!
34554 7 4 s*x Ed 5258 Darryl I'm sure they don't regret having their child, let's move it to the pros.
34555 7 4 s*x Ed 5258 Jim, Pam Thank you!
34556 7 4 s*x Ed 5258 Andy Ok, unplanned pregnancy, going in the pros column.
34557 7 4 s*x Ed 5259 Dwight Next stop is Helene. You're gonna wanna make a left on Willow, which is a little ways away, uh. I'll remind you.
34558 7 4 s*x Ed 5259 Michael You know, I don't know if I trust Jan's judgment. She...
34559 7 4 s*x Ed 5259 Dwight Jan knows paper.
34560 7 4 s*x Ed 5259 Michael No, I'm not talking about paper. Relationships, they have the ability to point out if the man is making a bigger deal out of something that is really there.
34561 7 4 s*x Ed 5259 Dwight Wait, what Holly said?
34562 7 4 s*x Ed 5259 Michael Yes, I don't...
34563 7 4 s*x Ed 5259 Dwight Forget it Michael! Today is about herpes.
34564 7 4 s*x Ed 5259 Michael I know, I know.
34565 7 4 s*x Ed 5259 Dwight Who gave it to you, who has it, and who is going to pay.
34566 7 4 s*x Ed 5259 Michael Got it.
34567 7 4 s*x Ed 5259 Dwight TO answer your question about Jan, no. Jan is insane. Why do you think I got- LEFT, WILLOW NOW!
34568 7 4 s*x Ed 5259 Michael I'M TRYING! GOD!
34569 7 4 s*x Ed 5260 Michael Hi stranger! Long time!
34570 7 4 s*x Ed 5260 Old Woman Who are you?
34571 7 4 s*x Ed 5260 Michael I'm Michael. We dated for a while.
34572 7 4 s*x Ed 5260 Old Woman I don't think so...
34573 7 4 s*x Ed 5260 Helene Michael?
34574 7 4 s*x Ed 5260 Michael Oh hey! Dwight, would you take my grandmother for a walk while I talk to Helene?
34575 7 4 s*x Ed 5260 Dwight Come on old lady. Let's go.
34576 7 4 s*x Ed 5260 Old Woman What is happening?
34577 7 4 s*x Ed 5260 Dwight Come on.
34578 7 4 s*x Ed 5261 Andy Who can tell me what the safest form of s*x is?
34579 7 4 s*x Ed 5261 Darryl Condoms.
34580 7 4 s*x Ed 5261 Andy Incorrect, the only true form of safe s*x, ok? Abstinence.
34581 7 4 s*x Ed 5261 Darryl Ohh. Ok. I didn't realize we were doing trick questions. What's the safest way to go skiing? Don't ski!
34582 7 4 s*x Ed 5261 Andy I just thought I'd bring it up in case someone in here was practicing abstinence. That's all. Anybody?
34583 7 4 s*x Ed 5261 Pam Andy that's way too personal of a question.
34584 7 4 s*x Ed 5261 Andy Well someone could answer if they want to. Ok, in that case I will now show you how to put this condom on... using this pencil.
34585 7 4 s*x Ed 5261 Andy What?
34586 7 4 s*x Ed 5261 Oscar Why would you choose a pencil Andy?
34587 7 4 s*x Ed 5261 Andy Well I'm not gonna use my pen1s, Oscar! It's not exactly hard right now anyway.
34588 7 4 s*x Ed 5261 Meredith Come on, give it a rest pencil dick.
34589 7 4 s*x Ed 5261 Andy I'm doing this for you Meredith!
34590 7 4 s*x Ed 5261 Meredith I didn't want you it!
34591 7 4 s*x Ed 5261 Andy Well did you h- di- GAH! Does no one appreciate what I'm doing right now?!
34592 7 4 s*x Ed 5262 Helene It'll go away in time just don't touch it.
34593 7 4 s*x Ed 5262 Michael Did I make more of what we had then what was really there?
34594 7 4 s*x Ed 5262 Helene What did you think we were?
34595 7 4 s*x Ed 5262 Michael Just a quirky indie movie weird sort of thing, breaking all the rules. But had to end, because the summer was over. For you...
34596 7 4 s*x Ed 5262 Helene I think for you to have come here even expecting that we can have a conversation like this show's ho-how self deluded you are! Michael, your memory has failed you greatly.
34597 7 4 s*x Ed 5262 Michael Jerk.
34598 7 4 s*x Ed 5263 Dwight Michael!
34599 7 4 s*x Ed 5263 Carol So this is the chef's kitchen, which makes it perfect for real entertainers.
34600 7 4 s*x Ed 5263 Michael Real entertainers, like Billy Joel.
34601 7 4 s*x Ed 5263 Carol Michael.
34602 7 4 s*x Ed 5263 Michael Carroll, how are you?
34603 7 4 s*x Ed 5263 Carol I'm great! How are you?
34604 7 4 s*x Ed 5263 Michael I'm great! I saw your-your sign outside. And I decided, I'm going to pull in, and maybe buy a house from her.
34605 7 4 s*x Ed 5263 Carol You didn't call my office and ask where I was?
34606 7 4 s*x Ed 5263 Michael No.
34607 7 4 s*x Ed 5263 Carol Because the receptionist told me a man called but he only said he was my ex-lover.
34608 7 4 s*x Ed 5263 Michael Weird...
34609 7 4 s*x Ed 5263 Carol Yeah.
34610 7 4 s*x Ed 5263 Michael He sounds like a nice guy.
34611 7 4 s*x Ed 5264 Andy I don't know, I mean people were being really mean to Meredith.
34612 7 4 s*x Ed 5264 Gabe This wasn't really about Meredith was it. You and Erin are broken up.
34613 7 4 s*x Ed 5264 Andy How is that relevant to anything?
34614 7 4 s*x Ed 5264 Gabe I asked you if it was ok if I asked her out. You said, and I quote, 'My good sir! Nothing would make me happier than to hand you the hand of the hand once in my hand.' I specifically remember it because you said it in such a weird way.
34615 7 4 s*x Ed 5264 Andy The only reason I said that is because you asked me so politely! It was very difficult for me to say no.
34616 7 4 s*x Ed 5264 Gabe I'll let this slide, but I expect you to put this whole Erin thing behind you.
34617 7 4 s*x Ed 5265 Michael Oh wow another living room!
34618 7 4 s*x Ed 5265 Carol It's a family room.
34619 7 4 s*x Ed 5265 Michael You put the TV here, you put the family over here.
34620 7 4 s*x Ed 5265 Carol Michael why are you here?
34621 7 4 s*x Ed 5265 Michael Someone told me that I romanticize relationships
34622 7 4 s*x Ed 5265 Carol You know, we all do that.
34623 7 4 s*x Ed 5265 Michael I have herpes.
34624 7 4 s*x Ed 5265 Carol What? Did you have that while we were together?
34625 7 4 s*x Ed 5265 Michael I just found out today. It's, uh, right there.
34626 7 4 s*x Ed 5265 Carol Oh! Oh, that's what you're talking about?
34627 7 4 s*x Ed 5265 Michael Mmhmm, I'm sorry.
34628 7 4 s*x Ed 5265 Carol Did the doctor check it out?
34629 7 4 s*x Ed 5265 Michael I'm between specialists right now.
34630 7 4 s*x Ed 5265 Carol Yes, yes Michael. Actually you do make a bigger deal out of things than you need to. You proposed to me on our fourth date.
34631 7 4 s*x Ed 5265 Michael Well I believe in love at first sight.
34632 7 4 s*x Ed 5265 Carol Well so do I, but we didn't love each other at first either. I don't know what you were thinking!
34633 7 4 s*x Ed 5265 Michael I knew what I was thinking at the time, but right now it just seems ridiculous.
34634 7 4 s*x Ed 5265 Dwight Excuse me, someone died in the upstairs bathroom didn't they?
34635 7 4 s*x Ed 5265 Carol No.
34636 7 4 s*x Ed 5266 Darryl We should schedule meetings, because the days can slip away with chit-chat. Are you crying?
34637 7 4 s*x Ed 5266 Andy No I'm just sweating.
34638 7 4 s*x Ed 5266 Darryl I don't know who's got you upset but my advice is stop crying.
34639 7 4 s*x Ed 5266 Andy I'm not crying I'm just sweating.
34640 7 4 s*x Ed 5266 Darryl Look you need to pick yourself up. Man up, alright? You will win this in the end. It's all about heart, and character. Be your best self.
34641 7 4 s*x Ed 5266 Andy Ok.
34642 7 4 s*x Ed 5266 Darryl Yeah.
34643 7 4 s*x Ed 5267 Darryl I have no idea what his problem is, that's just my standard advice. It's good advice right?
34644 7 4 s*x Ed 5268 Holly This is Holly Flax, I can't come to the phone right now but please leave a message after the sound of the tiny truck backing up.
34645 7 4 s*x Ed 5268 Michael Hi Holly it's Michael, I just wanted to call and let you know that I was thinking about what you said. It's just. You know? It's weird. Today I ended up seeing a lot of women that I used to date, and in my mind they were all great. And then when I actually saw them, it was mostly a freak show. And you and me, that must have been a real train wreck. You know what, Holly? You're wrong. You are wrong. I remember every second of us. And talking to them today, I don't feel for them anything like what I feel for you. I didn't joke with any of them, I joked with you. You are the only one who was actually happy to hear from me. And I don't know why you downgraded what we had but I did not make us up. Ok. Oh, wait, and you should talk to a doctor because you might have herpes. Bye.
34646 7 4 s*x Ed 5269 Oscar What is this about?
34647 7 4 s*x Ed 5269 Michael Oscar, we once sucked face in public. As part of an office presentation to destroy the stigma of gay kissing. Do you recall?
34648 7 4 s*x Ed 5269 Oscar Yes!
34649 7 4 s*x Ed 5269 Michael You may have given me a sexually transmitted disease.
34650 7 4 s*x Ed 5269 Oscar What?
34651 7 4 s*x Ed 5269 Michael Herpes duplex.
34652 7 4 s*x Ed 5269 Dwight It was probably just an ingrown mustache hair but we have to be exhaustive.
34653 7 4 s*x Ed 5269 Michael I have already contacted all of my ex-lovers except for you.
34654 7 4 s*x Ed 5269 Oscar We were never lovers!
34655 7 4 s*x Ed 5269 Dwight I'm gonna need a list of every man you've ever had s*x with. I'm talking train stations, men's rooms...
34656 7 4 s*x Ed 5269 Michael Flower shops, fireworks celebrations...
34657 7 4 s*x Ed 5269 Dwight Fence with a hole in it..
34658 7 4 s*x Ed 5269 Michael Moolit Gandala, carrage drive through Central Park...
34659 7 4 s*x Ed 5269 Dwight The woods behind the liquor store, the swamp behind the old folk's home.
34660 7 4 s*x Ed 5269 Michael An electric car dealership.
34661 7 4 s*x Ed 5269 Dwight The democratic primaries,
34662 7 4 s*x Ed 5269 Michael Oscar! Think abou- Think!
34663 7 5 The Sting 5270 Michael Look at that.
34664 7 5 The Sting 5270 Oscar Huh?
34665 7 5 The Sting 5270 Michael Nice!
34666 7 5 The Sting 5270 Oscar I love cycling. Andy, I feel like a tourist in my own city. I literally can't wait to wake up every morning.
34667 7 5 The Sting 5270 Pam Okay.
34668 7 5 The Sting 5270 Michael She is a beaut!
34669 7 5 The Sting 5270 Dwight Can't beat a horse. A horse is a bike that peddles itself.
34670 7 5 The Sting 5270 Oscar Yes, it is.
34671 7 5 The Sting 5270 Michael Oh, look at that. Smooth roll.
34672 7 5 The Sting 5270 Oscar Yeah.
34673 7 5 The Sting 5270 Kevin You got it! Lance Armstrong's Bike!
34674 7 5 The Sting 5270 Oscar Yes.
34675 7 5 The Sting 5270 Meredith His ass was on that seat? All right!
34676 7 5 The Sting 5270 Kevin Nice.
34677 7 5 The Sting 5270 Oscar No, Meredith, that's not his actual bicycle, but it is the same exact model he uses.
34678 7 5 The Sting 5270 Kelly I'm on Sheryl Crow's side in that whole thing, so I feel really weird right now.
34679 7 5 The Sting 5270 Pam Michael!
34680 7 5 The Sting 5270 Michael Oh, god!
34681 7 5 The Sting 5270 Oscar Oh...
34682 7 5 The Sting 5271 Michael Yes, I can ride a bike. I take spinning classes three times a month. I think I know how to ride a bike.
34683 7 5 The Sting 5272 Jim Are you sure you once knew how to do this?
34684 7 5 The Sting 5272 Michael I did, yes! I had those extra wheels on the back...that support you. Mi-chael! Mi-chael!
34685 7 5 The Sting 5272 All Mi-chael! Mi-chael! Mi-chael! Mi-chael!
34686 7 5 The Sting 5272 Dwight Yeah!
34687 7 5 The Sting 5272 Pam Come on, Michael! Yeah!
34688 7 5 The Sting 5272 Jim Just steer more now.
34689 7 5 The Sting 5272 Michael Oh, my god!
34690 7 5 The Sting 5272 Pam Not the car!
34691 7 5 The Sting 5272 Jim No! No!
34692 7 5 The Sting 5272 Michael Ow! You never forget. Whoo!
34693 7 5 The Sting 5273 Dwight How do I look?
34694 7 5 The Sting 5273 Jim Amazing. How do I look?
34695 7 5 The Sting 5273 Dwight Normal. Ugly.
34696 7 5 The Sting 5273 Jim Well, I do the best with what I've got. Let's go.
34697 7 5 The Sting 5273 Dwight Alright. Wait, wait, wait, wait for me! It's weird if I come in slightly after.
34698 7 5 The Sting 5274 Dwight We have a big meeting with the chief buyer for Frames Select, Steve Nash.
34699 7 5 The Sting 5274 Jim He's not the Steve Nash. He's big though. He's kind of like...Scranton's Steve Nash.
34700 7 5 The Sting 5274 Dwight Will you stop trying to put it in terms you think they'll understand? It's condescending.
34701 7 5 The Sting 5274 Jim I'm not doing that. I'm just explaining.
34702 7 5 The Sting 5274 Dwight And who is this "the" Steve Nash?
34703 7 5 The Sting 5274 Jim Phoenix Sun's point guard?
34704 7 5 The Sting 5274 Dwight No.
34705 7 5 The Sting 5274 Jim No? Nothin'?
34706 7 5 The Sting 5274 Dwight No, Mr. Jock Hipster.
34707 7 5 The Sting 5274 Jim Well, I'm neither of those things, so...
34708 7 5 The Sting 5275 Andy Whoa. Libby Dirketts got married. Big Red mazel tov to the Libster. Ooh, says here Dan Becker fell off the side of Kilimanjaro in a climbing accident. It appears Dan's Sherpa survived to tell the tale-Oh, my God!
34709 7 5 The Sting 5275 Phyllis What? Is Dan okay?
34710 7 5 The Sting 5275 Andy No, he died. It's Broccoli Rob. You know this guy; I showed you his picture on Facebook.
34711 7 5 The Sting 5275 Phyllis Yes.
34712 7 5 The Sting 5275 Andy "Some Vermont-based alums can hear 'Broccoli' Rob Blatt, '96, in the state milk lobby's new milk awareness song, 'Calci-YUM!', featuring Phish's Trey Anastasio. Says Broccoli, 'Trey and I had a ton of fun in the studio, and I think you can hear it in the song.'"
34713 7 5 The Sting 5275 Phyllis Oh, that's great news for your friend.
34714 7 5 The Sting 5275 Andy Yeah, yeah, it's great...
34715 7 5 The Sting 5275 Phyllis You know, I forget about milk. This is a terrific reminder.
34716 7 5 The Sting 5276 Andy I was the artsy, musical one. In Here Comes Treble I had four solos, Broccoli rob had three. Right? Uhh.
34717 7 5 The Sting 5277 Dwight Go tell her we're here. You're good with receptionists.
34718 7 5 The Sting 5277 Jim Oh, ha ha ha. Dwight...
34719 7 5 The Sting 5277 Dwight Crap.
34720 7 5 The Sting 5278 Dwight Danny Cordray is the worst.
34721 7 5 The Sting 5278 Jim Well, by worst, you mean the best.
34722 7 5 The Sting 5278 Dwight The best salesman ever. He works for Osprey Paper over in Throop, steals more clients from Dunder-Mifflin than anyone.
34723 7 5 The Sting 5278 Jim So, the situation is the worst.
34724 7 5 The Sting 5278 Dwight Also, he slept with Pam.
34725 7 5 The Sting 5278 Jim No, he didn't.
34726 7 5 The Sting 5279 Jim Tell 'em.
34727 7 5 The Sting 5279 Pam Nothing happened. We went on a couple of dates. He never called me again.
34728 7 5 The Sting 5279 Jim What? He never called you? I thought you said it just fizzled.
34729 7 5 The Sting 5279 Pam That's fizzling. I mean, someone has to start the fizzle.
34730 7 5 The Sting 5279 Jim Yeah, I thought you started it.
34731 7 5 The Sting 5279 Pam No, I liked him. For a couple of days. Four years ago. You know I have a kid with you, right?
34732 7 5 The Sting 5279 Jim Ahhh.
34733 7 5 The Sting 5280 Dwight I'm gonna intimidate him. Okay?
34734 7 5 The Sting 5280 Jim Okay, great-
34735 7 5 The Sting 5280 Dwight Watch this.
34736 7 5 The Sting 5280 Jim -I'm just gonna watch.
34737 7 5 The Sting 5280 Dwight So anyway, she says, "that is the biggest pen1s I have ever seen." And I said, "I know. That's why I brought you to the pen1s Museum, where tickets are a thousand dollars." Well, hello Danny!
34738 7 5 The Sting 5280 Danny Hey, Dwight. Good to see you. Jim, hey.
34739 7 5 The Sting 5280 Jim How are ya?
34740 7 5 The Sting 5280 Danny Good to see you too.
34741 7 5 The Sting 5280 Dwight What are you doing?
34742 7 5 The Sting 5280 Danny Oh, I'm just here for the coffee.
34743 7 5 The Sting 5280 Dwight Like hell you are.
34744 7 5 The Sting 5280 Jim Dwight!
34745 7 5 The Sting 5280 Dwight He's not just here for the coffee, Jim. Wake up!
34746 7 5 The Sting 5281 Michael Brainstorming session is now open. Anyone has an idea- Hold on. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Hello?
34747 7 5 The Sting 5281 Jim Hey, it's Jim. Listen, this is important. Are you busy?
34748 7 5 The Sting 5281 Michael Oh, hey. No, I'm not busy. What's up?
34749 7 5 The Sting 5281 Angela What?
34750 7 5 The Sting 5281 Oscar You are busy! We're in a meeting!
34751 7 5 The Sting 5281 Michael It's Jim, Okay? Yes.
34752 7 5 The Sting 5281 Jim Listen, you gotta get over here, 'cause we're pitching Steve Nash and Danny Cordray is here.
34753 7 5 The Sting 5281 Michael You need the big guns, yes?
34754 7 5 The Sting 5281 Jim Yes.
34755 7 5 The Sting 5281 Dwight What'd he say? What did he say?
34756 7 5 The Sting 5281 Jim The big gun thing. Stop!
34757 7 5 The Sting 5281 Michael I will see you in ten. Bye! Hold tight. Well, I know a lot of you thought that my sales days were behind me, and to be honest, so did I...and the only reason I got out of the sales game was to be reluctantly called back in.
34758 7 5 The Sting 5281 Pam You don't look reluctant, Michael. You look really eager.
34759 7 5 The Sting 5281 Michael No, I don't have time for this. Are you kidding me?
34760 7 5 The Sting 5281 Pam You don't?
34761 7 5 The Sting 5281 Michael No! Okay. All right.
34762 7 5 The Sting 5282 Andy Knockity-knock, don't knock back. Just kidding you can knock; it's your office. Do you have a minute?
34763 7 5 The Sting 5282 Darryl I'm very busy with time-sensitive work.
34764 7 5 The Sting 5282 Andy Not to go all Sherlock Holmes on you, but I can tell by the reflection in your glasses that you're entering points into Weight Watchers dot com.
34765 7 5 The Sting 5282 Darryl If you don't enter them immediately, you forget. What?
34766 7 5 The Sting 5282 Andy I'm starting a band and I need you on keyboards.
34767 7 5 The Sting 5282 Darryl Nah. I play for pleasure.
34768 7 5 The Sting 5282 Andy This is for pleasure.
34769 7 5 The Sting 5282 Darryl I wouldn't enjoy that.
34770 7 5 The Sting 5282 Andy I'm willing to pay you.
34771 7 5 The Sting 5282 Darryl Oh, yeah?
34772 7 5 The Sting 5282 Andy Yeah.
34773 7 5 The Sting 5282 Darryl How much?
34774 7 5 The Sting 5282 Andy Sixty bucks a session.
34775 7 5 The Sting 5282 Darryl That's crazy money. I'll take forty.
34776 7 5 The Sting 5282 Andy Yes!
34777 7 5 The Sting 5283 Dwight There he is.
34778 7 5 The Sting 5283 Michael Oh, no, that's a male model.
34779 7 5 The Sting 5283 Jim No, that's him.
34780 7 5 The Sting 5283 Michael That...hello. Michael Scott, Dunder-Mifflin Paper Company.
34781 7 5 The Sting 5283 Danny Danny Cordray, Osprey Paper.
34782 7 5 The Sting 5283 Michael Nice to meet you.
34783 7 5 The Sting 5283 Danny Three of you guys for one sale.
34784 7 5 The Sting 5283 Michael Yeah, well...we call it overkill. Why am I telling you my strategy?
34785 7 5 The Sting 5283 Danny Well, whatever works for ya. Anyway. All right.
34786 7 5 The Sting 5283 Michael All right.
34787 7 5 The Sting 5283 Danny It's good to see you guys. Nice to meet you.
34788 7 5 The Sting 5283 Michael Buh-bye. I could swear that guy was a male model.
34789 7 5 The Sting 5283 Receptionist He's ready for you.
34790 7 5 The Sting 5283 Michael Oh, thank you. All right. On the count of three, it's showtime. Ready, one, two--
34791 7 5 The Sting 5283 Jim Nope, not doing that.
34792 7 5 The Sting 5283 Dwight I've been in showtime mode since breakfast.
34793 7 5 The Sting 5283 Michael Okay, you know-all right, just forget it then.
34794 7 5 The Sting 5283 Jim Showtime!
34795 7 5 The Sting 5283 Michael It's showtime! Oh...never mind. Let's go.
34796 7 5 The Sting 5284 Michael When I knock on your door, you know who it is; it's Michael Scott. We've been together forever and we-
34797 7 5 The Sting 5284 Steve Michael, I appreciate everything that Dunder-Mifflin has done for this company.
34798 7 5 The Sting 5284 Michael You know what? You are having some problems with your loading dock, are you not? All right. We're going to deliver to you on weekends.
34799 7 5 The Sting 5284 Steve That's very generous, but-
34800 7 5 The Sting 5284 Michael And you know what else we're gonna do? I can't believe I'm gonna say this...we are going to offer you our paper at cost. I know. I could get in a lotta trouble for this, so you'd better shake my hand right now.
34801 7 5 The Sting 5284 Dwight He's not kidding.
34802 7 5 The Sting 5284 Michael Shake it, shake it!
34803 7 5 The Sting 5284 Steve Michael, I'm going with Danny.
34804 7 5 The Sting 5284 Dwight Oh.
34805 7 5 The Sting 5284 Steve Thanks for coming in.
34806 7 5 The Sting 5284 Michael Okay. Thank you.
34807 7 5 The Sting 5284 Steve Thank you.
34808 7 5 The Sting 5284 Michael Thanks, Steve.
34809 7 5 The Sting 5285 Dwight Jim talked too much.
34810 7 5 The Sting 5285 Jim No, I didn't.
34811 7 5 The Sting 5285 Dwight Yes, you did.
34812 7 5 The Sting 5285 Michael Stop it. Just stop it. We did what we should have done, we just got bested. Why is there a door close button if it doesn't even close the door?
34813 7 5 The Sting 5286 Michael How do I feel about losing the sale? It's like if Michael Phelps came out of retirement, jumped in the pool, belly-flopped, and drowned.
34814 7 5 The Sting 5287 Michael You know who we always lose out to? Staples, the big guys. Osprey? They're a small company. They're smaller than we are. What's our excuse? How do we combat this guy? Stanley, how do we combat him?
34815 7 5 The Sting 5287 Stanley We sell better?
34816 7 5 The Sting 5287 Michael Okay. You know what? You clearly don't care, so why don't you just leave?
34817 7 5 The Sting 5287 Stanley I would like to stay. This pertains to me.
34818 7 5 The Sting 5287 Michael Why don't you go outside and...take a shot of insulin and have a nap, okay?
34819 7 5 The Sting 5287 Stanley Why do you always assume I have diabetes?
34820 7 5 The Sting 5287 Michael I don't know, your frame, your build-why don't you have a glass of apple juice and tell me you're not a diabetic. See? I could tell by the sound you made when you stood up that you have-okay. Yes, Phyllis?
34821 7 5 The Sting 5287 Phyllis I could try to seduce him.
34822 7 5 The Sting 5287 Michael Oh, my god!
34823 7 5 The Sting 5287 Dwight I know how we can learn his tricks.
34824 7 5 The Sting 5288 Dwight What I am about to show you is of the utmost secrecy.
34825 7 5 The Sting 5288 Jim Is that your office?
34826 7 5 The Sting 5288 Dwight Yes, Jim. And with a little tweaking, it becomes a different office. We lure Danny to it and watch him sell.
34827 7 5 The Sting 5288 Phyllis Uh...
34828 7 5 The Sting 5288 Stanley I'm outta here.
34829 7 5 The Sting 5288 Phyllis This is weird.
34830 7 5 The Sting 5288 Michael You know what this is? This is a stinger.
34831 7 5 The Sting 5288 Jim A what?
34832 7 5 The Sting 5288 Michael Like the movie.
34833 7 5 The Sting 5288 Jim I think you mean The Sting.
34834 7 5 The Sting 5288 Michael Paul Newman, Robert Redford. They're bank robbers.
34835 7 5 The Sting 5288 Jim Nope. Different movie.
34836 7 5 The Sting 5288 Dwight The Sting. The Sting.
34837 7 5 The Sting 5289 Erin Your two o'clock.
34838 7 5 The Sting 5289 Meredith Thanks, hun.
34839 7 5 The Sting 5290 Jim Meredith was the perfect choice to play the head of the company. Her lunch break lined up with our appointment with Danny and...that's it. That's really all we were looking for.
34840 7 5 The Sting 5291 Danny Danny Cordray. It's great to meet you.
34841 7 5 The Sting 5291 Meredith Meredith Van Helsing. Pleased to meet you.
34842 7 5 The Sting 5291 Jim Meredith Van Helsing?
34843 7 5 The Sting 5291 Dwight Van Helsing was a respected professor before he was a vampire killer.
34844 7 5 The Sting 5291 Jim Okay. But what is he more famous for?
34845 7 5 The Sting 5291 Michael Shhh! Hey! That's my mug.
34846 7 5 The Sting 5291 Jim You know this isn't real TV, right?
34847 7 5 The Sting 5291 Michael Yes.
34848 7 5 The Sting 5292 Darryl Please Mr. President, if you wanna give hope a whirl, bring our troops home safe and sound, says this little girl.
34849 7 5 The Sting 5292 Andy Please Mr. President-
34850 7 5 The Sting 5292 Darryl One second, one second, one second. So, this song is from the point of view of a little girl?
34851 7 5 The Sting 5292 Andy Yeah.
34852 7 5 The Sting 5292 Darryl But you're singing it.
34853 7 5 The Sting 5292 Andy Yeah, but I'm using my falsetto.
34854 7 5 The Sting 5292 Darryl No, that's not a good idea. I don't see that as a very good song.
34855 7 5 The Sting 5292 Andy Yeah, well, it'd sound a lot better if you actually sang with some soul.
34856 7 5 The Sting 5292 Darryl Oh, I never sing with soul.
34857 7 5 The Sting 5292 Andy That's a lie.
34858 7 5 The Sting 5292 Kevin I could sing it.
34859 7 5 The Sting 5292 Andy I just was hoping to maybe save your voice in case we did a novelty song about frogs.
34860 7 5 The Sting 5292 Kevin But my voice is unique. Like Bob Dylan.
34861 7 5 The Sting 5292 Andy Okay, three-way argument between a drummer, a keyboardist, and the front man lead singer. Wonder who's gonna win this one. Two, three, four-
34862 7 5 The Sting 5293 Danny I'm gonna take off my coat, if you don't mind. It's a bit warm in here.
34863 7 5 The Sting 5293 Meredith Hel-lo!
34864 7 5 The Sting 5293 Michael Oh, no, no. No. Don't-
34865 7 5 The Sting 5293 Dwight People can't keep their true natures hidden for long, and this guy is smoldering like a tire fire.
34866 7 5 The Sting 5293 Michael Testify.
34867 7 5 The Sting 5293 Jim Okay, he's not that good-looking. I don't understand why everybody's obsessed with this-
34868 7 5 The Sting 5293 Michael Yeah, he is that good-looking.
34869 7 5 The Sting 5293 Dwight He's very, very handsome.
34870 7 5 The Sting 5293 Michael Okay.
34871 7 5 The Sting 5293 Meredith That's a great set of shoulder's you got there. What is that...Genetics? Creatine? Sorry. Yeah?
34872 7 5 The Sting 5293 Michael Pull it together, all right? Stop lookin' at him.
34873 7 5 The Sting 5293 Meredith I'm sorry. You're here to sell me some paper.
34874 7 5 The Sting 5293 Danny Well, actually, uh... no, Miss Van Helsing, that's not why I'm here. I'm here to meet you, see if we'd be a, you know, good fit.
34875 7 5 The Sting 5293 Meredith What do you mean?
34876 7 5 The Sting 5293 Michael Oh...my god! He's making her sell to him.
34877 7 5 The Sting 5294 Andy Okay. Honest feedback time. Oscar?
34878 7 5 The Sting 5294 Oscar It's pandering. And it makes me think you think I'm stupid.
34879 7 5 The Sting 5294 Andy But do you think it could be famous? Like in a car commercial or something?
34880 7 5 The Sting 5294 Pam Not really. It's kinda weird that a grown man is singing from the point of view of a little girl.
34881 7 5 The Sting 5294 Andy I feel like I can see someone ice skating to it. You know, like in the Olympics.
34882 7 5 The Sting 5294 Ryan I-I don't think they usually...skate to such...bad songs.
34883 7 5 The Sting 5294 Andy Rude. And not helpful.
34884 7 5 The Sting 5294 Creed Well, I really, really, really liked it.
34885 7 5 The Sting 5294 Andy Well, that...really bums me out.
34886 7 5 The Sting 5294 Creed You're welcome.
34887 7 5 The Sting 5295 Danny We should think of this as a first date. And I think it's going very well, how 'bout you?
34888 7 5 The Sting 5295 Meredith Real well. Uh...feels more like a third date to me.
34889 7 5 The Sting 5295 Danny Ha ha, okay, there you go!
34890 7 5 The Sting 5295 Michael Stay-
34891 7 5 The Sting 5295 Meredith Shut up and let me do this! You know, what is with this desk keeping us so far apart?
34892 7 5 The Sting 5295 Danny I've never been a desk man. Always traveling on the road. Come on...why not, huh?
34893 7 5 The Sting 5295 Dwight Oh...
34894 7 5 The Sting 5295 Danny Well, we'll get this...
34895 7 5 The Sting 5295 Michael Oh!
34896 7 5 The Sting 5295 Dwight Oh, man!
34897 7 5 The Sting 5295 Meredith So, what's your drink? You a vodka man? Me too.
34898 7 5 The Sting 5295 Jim We gotta get someone else in there right now.
34899 7 5 The Sting 5296 Jim You're an exec at Pennsylvania Solartech and-
34900 7 5 The Sting 5296 Oscar That sounds fake.
34901 7 5 The Sting 5296 Jim What do you mean?
34902 7 5 The Sting 5296 Dwight I told you! You're an exec at Stark Industries, a corporation you inherited from your father-
34903 7 5 The Sting 5296 Jim Will you stop? Stop it, stop it. Here's the story-they need Meredith somewhere else asap, okay?
34904 7 5 The Sting 5296 Oscar Okay.
34905 7 5 The Sting 5296 Jim So you're taking over. You just gotta get her out of there as soon as you can.
34906 7 5 The Sting 5296 Oscar All right. I can do that. Then what?
34907 7 5 The Sting 5296 Dwight Then make him pitch to you.
34908 7 5 The Sting 5296 Jim Yes.
34909 7 5 The Sting 5296 Dwight We gotta see what he's got.
34910 7 5 The Sting 5296 Jim Exactly. You can do this.
34911 7 5 The Sting 5296 Dwight Okay, and remember-you're not gay.
34912 7 5 The Sting 5296 Jim Stop it! It's gonna be great.
34913 7 5 The Sting 5296 Oscar Okay.
34914 7 5 The Sting 5296 Jim And listen if anything else happens, just...roll with it.
34915 7 5 The Sting 5297 Oscar Meredith, I-
34916 7 5 The Sting 5297 Meredith Oh, Manuel! This is Manuel, my cleaning man. He doesn't speak any English.
34917 7 5 The Sting 5297 Danny Hola. Que tal?
34918 7 5 The Sting 5297 Oscar Como estas, senor?
34919 7 5 The Sting 5297 Meredith Uh, Manuel, cleano el window.
34920 7 5 The Sting 5297 Jim Who else we got?
34921 7 5 The Sting 5298 Dwight Okay. You're a young hotshot from Stark Industries. You've just bought this company. Meredith is fired. It's a whole new regime. He's gotta pitch to you now.
34922 7 5 The Sting 5298 Ryan Okay. Stark Industries isn't real. I run Google. Larry and Sergey brought me in-
34923 7 5 The Sting 5298 Jim Great. Sounds awesome. Just have him pitch to you.
34924 7 5 The Sting 5298 Michael Don't let us down.
34925 7 5 The Sting 5298 Ryan Will do. Won't do.
34926 7 5 The Sting 5299 Danny Yeah, sure.
34927 7 5 The Sting 5299 Meredith You smell like a Scorpio. This is...Esteban...another cleaning man. He doesn't speak English either. Esteban, el flooro.
34928 7 5 The Sting 5299 Danny You know what? I may have parked my car in a compact space, and I hate when I see others do that, so-
34929 7 5 The Sting 5299 Meredith Danny, I feel a real connection to you, and I gotta get real, I'm-
34930 7 5 The Sting 5299 Michael No, no, no....
34931 7 5 The Sting 5299 Jim No, no, no, no...
34932 7 5 The Sting 5299 Michael I'm goin 'in!
34933 7 5 The Sting 5299 Dwight Michael! No, Michael, stop it! No!
34934 7 5 The Sting 5299 Michael Stop, stop! Oh, my god! Okay. Stop it, stop it, stop it. Gross! Stop it, please. Everybody, stop.
34935 7 5 The Sting 5299 Danny Michael Scott.
34936 7 5 The Sting 5299 Michael I said stop. Okay, Danny...this is not Pennsylvania Solartech. This is Dunder-Mifflin Paper Company. This is Meredith Palmer-
34937 7 5 The Sting 5299 Meredith Please to meet you-
34938 7 5 The Sting 5299 Michael Don't! Get away from him. Please, just leave. Get out of here. Go. Forever.
34939 7 5 The Sting 5299 Danny Hmm.
34940 7 5 The Sting 5299 Michael I owe you...a most sincere and humble apology. We were trying to watch you to see your sales technique, so we could stop losing so many clients to you.
34941 7 5 The Sting 5299 Danny But from where?
34942 7 5 The Sting 5299 Michael A surveillance room next to this one.
34943 7 5 The Sting 5299 Danny Okay, so you...set up this fake company, then you hired this homeless woman to impersonate an executive to spy on me so that you could copy my sales technique?
34944 7 5 The Sting 5299 Michael Yes. And it's the sincerest form of flattery.
34945 7 5 The Sting 5299 Danny Or...crazy.
34946 7 5 The Sting 5299 Michael Well-
34947 7 5 The Sting 5299 Danny I'm gonna go.
34948 7 5 The Sting 5299 Michael Okay. You know what, it wasn't just me. Jim and Dwight are behind that wall in the surveillance room and it was their plan as well.
34949 7 5 The Sting 5299 Dwight No!
34950 7 5 The Sting 5299 Jim No, no, no, no.
34951 7 5 The Sting 5299 Danny Oh, well then, yeah. All right. Hey! Good luck, guys. Seems like you got a great operation here.
34952 7 5 The Sting 5299 Michael No, we don't. Here's-here's my point. Danny, listen, you have to understand that we are not normally like this. We just-we wanted to know your tricks.
34953 7 5 The Sting 5299 Danny What do you mean, my tricks? There's no tricks, man. I'm just a good salesman. You wanna copy that? You can't copy that!
34954 7 5 The Sting 5299 Michael You are, you are. You are! Stop it, stop it. Stop. You are a good salesman. And because of that...I want you to work for me.
34955 7 5 The Sting 5299 Danny Sure. You seem like a fun, professional guy.
34956 7 5 The Sting 5299 Michael So, you will?
34957 7 5 The Sting 5299 Danny No!
34958 7 5 The Sting 5299 Michael Hold it, hold it. Hold on, hold on. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait. Wait. Danny, I want you to look at me. Do you want your life to be better...or to be worse or to stay the same?
34959 7 5 The Sting 5299 Danny Get out of my way.
34960 7 5 The Sting 5299 Michael Answer the question. Do you want a better life, Danny?
34961 7 5 The Sting 5299 Danny I swear to God, I'm gonna hit you. I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. I'm not-it's just I'm very upset right now.
34962 7 5 The Sting 5299 Michael I know, I know.
34963 7 5 The Sting 5299 Danny I'm very upset!
34964 7 5 The Sting 5299 Michael Do you want more freedom, less freedom, or to stay the same?
34965 7 5 The Sting 5299 Danny More freedom.
34966 7 5 The Sting 5299 Michael I can give you more money-there's your better life. I can let you come and go as you please-there's your freedom. And you already know Dunder-Mifflin has the best service and the best prices, but you beat us anyway. Can you imagine how well you would do selling our stuff?
34967 7 5 The Sting 5300 Michael Everyone, may I have your attention? I would like to introduce you to Mr. Danny Cordray. He is going to be joining us as our new traveling salesman. Say hello to Danny!
34968 7 5 The Sting 5300 Kelly me!
34969 7 5 The Sting 5300 Michael O-kay. You know what? No. No. This is not some sort of construction site...or all of Italy, where you can just go around treating people like meat. We are to respect him. I respect him because he reminds me of somebody. Can anybody guess who that is?
34970 7 5 The Sting 5300 Kelly Josh Duhamel.
34971 7 5 The Sting 5300 Angela Yeah, I can see that.
34972 7 5 The Sting 5300 Michael No. No. No. Somebody in this office.
34973 7 5 The Sting 5300 Kevin He's like a better-looking Andy.
34974 7 5 The Sting 5300 Andy Thanks, Kevin.
34975 7 5 The Sting 5300 Michael No, me. Right? Sorta like...a little younger version of me.
34976 7 5 The Sting 5300 Oscar It's hard to judge ourselves accurately, isn't it.
34977 7 5 The Sting 5300 Dwight Michael?
34978 7 5 The Sting 5300 Michael Yes.
34979 7 5 The Sting 5300 Dwight Can I talk to you about something?
34980 7 5 The Sting 5300 Michael No, you may not.
34981 7 5 The Sting 5300 Dwight It's about this very announcement you just made.
34982 7 5 The Sting 5300 Michael I said no.
34983 7 5 The Sting 5300 Dwight Michael-
34984 7 5 The Sting 5300 Michael We're not-
34985 7 5 The Sting 5300 Jim Michael, I think you really want to talk to him.
34986 7 5 The Sting 5300 Michael Okay. Let's-all right, all right. Let's talk. Please don't let him leave. Don't leave. Don't let him.
34987 7 5 The Sting 5300 Erin Gotcha.
34988 7 5 The Sting 5300 Jim You hired him?
34989 7 5 The Sting 5300 Michael Guys, let me ask you something. Do you want your life to be better or worse or stay the same?
34990 7 5 The Sting 5300 All Stay the same.
34991 7 5 The Sting 5300 Michael Okay. Well...get ready, 'cause it's gonna get better.
34992 7 5 The Sting 5300 Phyllis It's not gonna get better; he's gonna steal all of our clients.
34993 7 5 The Sting 5300 Michael No, no. Wrong. He would have stolen your clients, but you know what? He can't now. This guy used to steal sales from us; now, he's going to steal sales for us.
34994 7 5 The Sting 5300 Dwight Where's he gonna sit? There's no more seats.
34995 7 5 The Sting 5300 Michael He doesn't need to sit, he's a traveling salesman. Look, I am not going to exclude good people from our staff simply because they are threatening to you. And unless you have a better argument than that, I suggest you leave.
34996 7 5 The Sting 5300 Stanley Hmpf!
34997 7 5 The Sting 5300 Dwight Where's he gonna park? There's no more reserved parking spots.
34998 7 5 The Sting 5300 Michael Good-bye!
34999 7 5 The Sting 5301 Darryl Song's about truth.
35000 7 5 The Sting 5301 Kevin Yeah.
35001 7 5 The Sting 5301 Darryl What's something you really care about?
35002 7 5 The Sting 5301 Andy Reverse snobbery.
35003 7 5 The Sting 5301 Darryl More universal.
35004 7 5 The Sting 5301 Andy Sometimes I feel like life has passed me by.
35005 7 5 The Sting 5301 Darryl Couldn't get outta bed today. Wish the alarm clock would go away.
35006 7 5 The Sting 5301 Kevin Oh, nice!
35007 7 5 The Sting 5301 Andy Holy crap. Are you kidding me? You just made that-that's amazing!
35008 7 5 The Sting 5301 Darryl Go ahead.
35009 7 5 The Sting 5301 Andy Which me am I gonna be today?
35010 7 5 The Sting 5301 Darryl Which me am I gonna be today?
35011 7 5 The Sting 5301 Andy I gotta closet full of mes. Am I gonna be the happy me?
35012 7 5 The Sting 5301 Kevin Or the me that stinks.
35013 7 5 The Sting 5301 Andy Oh, my gosh! We're almost out of time. How much for another half hour?
35014 7 5 The Sting 5301 Darryl Oh, don't worry about it.
35015 7 5 The Sting 5301 Andy Wait. Seriously?
35016 7 5 The Sting 5301 Darryl Yeah.
35017 7 5 The Sting 5301 Andy So we're just, like, jamming as friends?
35018 7 5 The Sting 5301 Darryl One, two, three, hit it.
35019 7 5 The Sting 5301 Andy Closet full of mes-
35020 7 5 The Sting 5302 Danny Oh, you know...funny. Your wife and I went on a few dates.
35021 7 5 The Sting 5302 Jim Did ya?
35022 7 5 The Sting 5302 Danny Yeah. Way ,way, way back.
35023 7 5 The Sting 5302 Jim I'm just kidding. She told me about it.
35024 7 5 The Sting 5302 Danny Oh. She was not into me.
35025 7 5 The Sting 5302 Jim Oh.
35026 7 5 The Sting 5302 Danny Obviously. I don't even think she called me back.
35027 7 5 The Sting 5302 Dwight You snubbed her.
35028 7 5 The Sting 5302 Jim Dwight, please.
35029 7 5 The Sting 5302 Dwight Let me handle this, Jim. Drop the act, Cordray, okay? We all know that you probably thought that Pam was too "meh" or thin without being toned. But I wanna tell you something-she is one of the plain hearty women of Scranton that make this city great. And so what if she doesn't wear makeup? We like her better that way! And you steal clients, don't you? Don't you!
35030 7 5 The Sting 5302 Danny Okay...that's different.
35031 7 5 The Sting 5302 Dwight Oh, that's different, is it? Okay...thief. You better check your things, people. In fact, where are my keys? Oh, there in my pocket. False alarm. Okay. So...you're gonna be workin' here?
35032 7 5 The Sting 5302 Danny Uh...I mean-yeah.
35033 7 5 The Sting 5302 Dwight Welcome aboard.
35034 7 5 The Sting 5302 Danny Thank you.
35035 7 5 The Sting 5302 Jim Hey, crazy, um...so...that's it? You're just-you're fine?
35036 7 5 The Sting 5302 Dwight It's after 5:00, Jim. I'm not gonna take this home.
35037 7 5 The Sting 5302 Danny Oh.
35038 7 5 The Sting 5302 Dwight Pleasure.
35039 7 5 The Sting 5302 Danny Thanks.
35040 7 5 The Sting 5303 Michael This morning, Danny Cordray stole a sale from me. So what do I do? I go out and I steal Danny Cordray. The sale that mattered, I made. Boom. Funny thing about it, we don't even need him. We already have Packer on the road. Chhguuh! Crap. I forgot about Packer.
35041 7 5 The Sting 5304 Kevin Sun's in her eyes, tongue full of flies. Would you like to share my paaaaaaad?
35042 7 5 The Sting 5304 All Croak, croak, croak. Bullfrog in love. Croak, croak, croak. Bullfrog in love and I gave her the croak that meant I love you.
35043 7 5 The Sting 5304 Darryl I'll be your croak monsieur.
35044 7 5 The Sting 5304 Andy I'll be your croak madame.
35045 7 5 The Sting 5304 Kevin Your mama mighta said that bullfrogs are dogs, but I'm here to tell you that I am a frog! Come and sit on my log, you little pollywog.
35046 7 5 The Sting 5304 Darryl I find you absolutely ribbiting!
35047 7 5 The Sting 5304 All Croak, croak, croak. Bullfrog in love.
35048 7 5 The Sting 5304 Andy Croak, croak, croak. Bullfrog in love.
35049 7 5 The Sting 5304 Kevin Croak!
35050 7 5 The Sting 5304 Andy Ribbit!
35051 7 5 The Sting 5304 Darryl Scoopity-splash!
35052 7 5 The Sting 5304 Kevin Nice.
35053 7 6 Costume Contest 5305 Andy What about this one? It's kinda badass, right? Just seems kinda crazy in a way I might need right now.
35054 7 6 Costume Contest 5305 Jim I don't know. Oh! That's... not... yours.
35055 7 6 Costume Contest 5306 Jim Stanley just drank OJ out of my mug, and didn't seem to realize that it wasn't his hot coffee. So the question has to be asked, is there no limit to what he won't notice?
35056 7 6 Costume Contest 5307 Stanley What's a seven letter word for purse?
35057 7 6 Costume Contest 5307 Kevin Satchel!
35058 7 6 Costume Contest 5307 Stanley Nope. Starts with an H.
35059 7 6 Costume Contest 5307 Andy Handbag.
35060 7 6 Costume Contest 5307 Stanley Hmmm. Thank you.
35061 7 6 Costume Contest 5308 Andy Shh! Shhh!
35062 7 6 Costume Contest 5309 Michael All right, everybody, take a seat. As you may have heard, our branch on the planet Jupiter is up eight thousand percent in sales!
35063 7 6 Costume Contest 5309 All Yay!
35064 7 6 Costume Contest 5310 Stanley Hold up! That clock is slow. It is five o'clock, I will see you all tomorrow:
35065 7 6 Costume Contest 5310 Pam Bye, Stanley! Love you!
35066 7 6 Costume Contest 5310 Dwight So long, Stanley!
35067 7 6 Costume Contest 5310 Stanley Night, everybody.
35068 7 6 Costume Contest 5311 Oscar So what kind of statement are you making with that costume, Kevin?
35069 7 6 Costume Contest 5311 Kevin The statement that I am making, Oscar, is that I kind of look like Michael Moore.
35070 7 6 Costume Contest 5312 Erin Dunder Mifflin, this is Erin! Happy Halloween! How can I haunt you today?
35071 7 6 Costume Contest 5313 Michael A lot of people are really getting into Halloween this year! Six seconds, MacGruber! Pam's got a lot of fun stuff planned! Uh, two seconds MacGruber! Including a... costume contest, and bobbing for apples, and a Ouija board... OHHH! BOOM! OHH EXPLOSION! MACGRUBERRRR!
35072 7 6 Costume Contest 5314 Pam People are really into the costume contest this year. Might have something to do with the prize, maybe you've heard of it. The 2011 Scranton Wilkes-Barre coupon book worth over fifteen thousand dollars in savings!
35073 7 6 Costume Contest 5315 Jim Stop.
35074 7 6 Costume Contest 5315 Dwight Too late! If I was the real Scranton Strangler, you'd be so strangled right now. If you're out there, strangler, you will get caught! By me.
35075 7 6 Costume Contest 5315 Jim Sounds like someone's really trying to convince us that he's not the Scranton Strangler.
35076 7 6 Costume Contest 5315 Dwight To my chickens I'm the Scranton Strangler. Oh-ho! That's very funny. Looks like someone decided to dress up as old Dwight Schrute's mom.
35077 7 6 Costume Contest 5315 Pam What?
35078 7 6 Costume Contest 5315 Dwight You're only one third as beautiful and only half her height.
35079 7 6 Costume Contest 5315 Pam I'm supposed to be Olive Oyl. And it makes more sense when I'm standing next to Popeye, but... Jim doesn't want to put his costume on.
35080 7 6 Costume Contest 5315 Jim I am Popeye!
35081 7 6 Costume Contest 5316 Jim I've never really been a costume guy. Even when I was a kid, it just felt like something I was too old for. And then this morning, when Pam hands me this little number ...no.
35082 7 6 Costume Contest 5317 Gabe In case you can't read m-m-my Poker Face... we will be reviewing our sales policies. I have ten seconds to read them or this whole place blows up.
35083 7 6 Costume Contest 5317 Michael MACGRUBER!
35084 7 6 Costume Contest 5317 Todd Packer Lame. Why don't witches wear panties?
35085 7 6 Costume Contest 5317 Michael Oh, here we go!
35086 7 6 Costume Contest 5317 Todd Packer Because they need to grip the broom!
35087 7 6 Costume Contest 5317 Michael OH! Who likes to water ski on Lake Erie? No wai-where does Dracula like to water ski?
35088 7 6 Costume Contest 5317 Dwight Lake Erie.
35089 7 6 Costume Contest 5318 Gabe When our warehouse workers make deliveries, they're going to be encouraged to offer clients extra products. And then they will split those commissions with sales.
35090 7 6 Costume Contest 5318 Michael So, wait, drivers are going to be able to sell paper on the road?
35091 7 6 Costume Contest 5318 Gabe That is correct.
35092 7 6 Costume Contest 5318 Todd Packer Has anyone started calling you "Gabe-wad" yet?
35093 7 6 Costume Contest 5318 Gabe Not here.
35094 7 6 Costume Contest 5318 Danny Gabe-wad.
35095 7 6 Costume Contest 5318 Gabe Okay, guys, fun is fun, but-
35096 7 6 Costume Contest 5319 Michael Blackula!
35097 7 6 Costume Contest 5319 Darryl Dracula.
35098 7 6 Costume Contest 5319 Michael Oh, so... I almost forgot. You'll find this hilarious. Apparently corporate is going to have drivers sell paper on their routes now. That's like, exactly sort of the idea that you had.
35099 7 6 Costume Contest 5319 Darryl Yes. I do remember saying something like that to you.
35100 7 6 Costume Contest 5319 Michael Yeah. I'm sorry. I blew this. You should have gotten credit for that, man.
35101 7 6 Costume Contest 5319 Darryl I'm just glad we're gonna try it out.
35102 7 6 Costume Contest 5319 Michael Really? We're good?
35103 7 6 Costume Contest 5319 Darryl Yeah. We're cool.
35104 7 6 Costume Contest 5319 Michael Okay. Okay.
35105 7 6 Costume Contest 5319 Darryl What's under your shirt?
35106 7 6 Costume Contest 5319 Michael Oh. It's a ream of paper. Thought you might hit me.
35107 7 6 Costume Contest 5320 Michael Darryl Philbin is the greatest guy in the world. And you know what I'd like? I would like to have all the racists brought together and take Darryl Philbin out to lunch. Just to see what they're missing.
35108 7 6 Costume Contest 5321 Toby It's a great stick, right?
35109 7 6 Costume Contest 5321 Ryan It's really good. It's a classic. I think you might win the whole thing with that.
35110 7 6 Costume Contest 5321 Toby Thanks!
35111 7 6 Costume Contest 5321 Oscar Everyone realizes that this coupon book isn't actually worth fifteen thousand dollars, right? You'd have to spend two hundred thousand dollars on crap you don't actually need to get fifteen thousand dollars worth of benefits. I'm not the only one who sees this, right?
35112 7 6 Costume Contest 5321 Toby No.
35113 7 6 Costume Contest 5321 Ryan No.
35114 7 6 Costume Contest 5321 Kelly I get that. I get that.
35115 7 6 Costume Contest 5322 Danny Excuse me, everybody. I want to invite you all to the Halloween party I'm having at my bar.
35116 7 6 Costume Contest 5322 Kevin You own a bar?
35117 7 6 Costume Contest 5322 Danny Public School, at exit 11.
35118 7 6 Costume Contest 5322 Oscar That's a great name. You're hilarious. A plus!
35119 7 6 Costume Contest 5322 Danny So. You're all on the list!
35120 7 6 Costume Contest 5322 Ryan Hey, man, can I get a plus five? It's all guys.
35121 7 6 Costume Contest 5322 Creed Hey, what's the crowd like, Danny? Our age?
35122 7 6 Costume Contest 5322 Danny Okay.
35123 7 6 Costume Contest 5323 Kevin I don't think that she would leave Jim for Danny.
35124 7 6 Costume Contest 5323 Phyllis I don't know, they're both handsome.
35125 7 6 Costume Contest 5323 Dwight Pam is gonna choose whoever has a scent most like that of her father. Does anyone remember what her dad smelled like?
35126 7 6 Costume Contest 5323 Phyllis I think he-
35127 7 6 Costume Contest 5323 Creed Hey hey hey, quiet, here she comes! Did you hear about that Danny guy? Heard he used to date Pam.
35128 7 6 Costume Contest 5324 Jim So four years ago, when I was in Stamford, Connecticut, and dating someone else, Pam went on two dates with Danny. Which was obviously the greatest love story ever told, given how much people are walking on eggshells around us.
35129 7 6 Costume Contest 5324 Pam We were basically Romeo and Juliet.
35130 7 6 Costume Contest 5324 Jim That's right.
35131 7 6 Costume Contest 5324 Pam Except where Juliet doesn't have that great a time and Romeo doesn't call back after two dates.
35132 7 6 Costume Contest 5324 Jim Yikes.
35133 7 6 Costume Contest 5324 Pam But I've learned to love again. He's a cartoon sailor.
35134 7 6 Costume Contest 5324 Jim Oh, no.
35135 7 6 Costume Contest 5324 Pam And looks so handsome in his UNIFORM! Please?
35136 7 6 Costume Contest 5324 Jim No. No, I'm not gonna-no.
35137 7 6 Costume Contest 5325 Andy Tuna! Tuna! Do you want us to skip this party?
35138 7 6 Costume Contest 5325 Jim I don't care.
35139 7 6 Costume Contest 5326 Kevin I am never gonna forget what Danny did to Pam. I forget nothing. I'm like an elephant in that way.
35140 7 6 Costume Contest 5326 Andy You know what else? The-this... this sucks for Jim. Right? But it also sucks for us. Because we don't get invited to a ton of Halloween parties.
35141 7 6 Costume Contest 5326 Kevin Yeah, and everyone else is gonna be there. Stanley, Phyllis, Angela, Darryl... Creed's a maybe.
35142 7 6 Costume Contest 5326 Andy Creed's going?!
35143 7 6 Costume Contest 5327 Jim Madge from the warehouse just made her first sale. Madge. We should have been doing this a long time ago.
35144 7 6 Costume Contest 5328 Michael Erin! Would you please do me a solid and get Darryl Philbin on the speakerphone?
35145 7 6 Costume Contest 5328 Darryl Hello?
35146 7 6 Costume Contest 5328 Michael Hi, Darryl, come out here, please.
35147 7 6 Costume Contest 5328 Darryl I'm good.
35148 7 6 Costume Contest 5328 Michael You need to stop being so shy, come out here, and embrace who you really are, superstar!
35149 7 6 Costume Contest 5328 Darryl This is embarrassing, Michael.
35150 7 6 Costume Contest 5328 Michael Yeah, I bet it is! If you're gonna do your job well here, you gotta get used to being embarrassed.
35151 7 6 Costume Contest 5328 Darryl Let me put my shoes on.
35152 7 6 Costume Contest 5328 Pam Um, hit the speakerphone button. The speakerphone button? The same button as you hit before... or sit on it.
35153 7 6 Costume Contest 5328 Michael This whole delivery slash sales idea? You know whose idea that was? That was Darryl Philbin's. He thought of that way before the corporate fat suits.
35154 7 6 Costume Contest 5328 Angela So, what happened?
35155 7 6 Costume Contest 5328 Michael I got in the way. I said no. And it just stopped. But then corporate comes up with this idea, but you know what? They need to know that it was yours. And I don't care if I take a bullet. We're gonna call them, we're gonna put them on speakerphone right now...
35156 7 6 Costume Contest 5328 Erin Oh!
35157 7 6 Costume Contest 5328 Michael And we are going to straighten this out.
35158 7 6 Costume Contest 5328 Andy Screw corporate! They probably stole the idea anyway.
35159 7 6 Costume Contest 5328 Michael Mmhm!
35160 7 6 Costume Contest 5328 Gabe Uh uh. Corporate stole nothing, okay? Darryl told me, and then I told them, giving Darryl full credit, so... no need to screw corporate! Or anything like that, so. Let's give Darryl a round of applause, as planned.
35161 7 6 Costume Contest 5329 Michael I'm a little peeved at Darryl right now.
35162 7 6 Costume Contest 5329 Dwight He went to Gabe behind your back.
35163 7 6 Costume Contest 5329 Michael No, he didn't go behind my back. He went over my head.
35164 7 6 Costume Contest 5329 Dwight He went over your head to go behind your back.
35165 7 6 Costume Contest 5329 Michael What is taking someone from behind?
35166 7 6 Costume Contest 5329 Dwight No. Shh. Michael, listen. This cannot stand. We can't have workers going straight to corporate. Makes your job superfluous.
35167 7 6 Costume Contest 5329 Michael It was a good idea, though.
35168 7 6 Costume Contest 5329 Dwight Yeah. Here's another good idea. Corporate chain of command. We need to strangle Darryl's idea.
35169 7 6 Costume Contest 5330 Andy Hey, Danny.
35170 7 6 Costume Contest 5330 Danny Hey.
35171 7 6 Costume Contest 5330 Andy I'm really sorry, but we can't come to your party tonight.
35172 7 6 Costume Contest 5330 Danny I was looking forward to throwing some darts with you guys.
35173 7 6 Costume Contest 5330 Andy You were?
35174 7 6 Costume Contest 5330 Kevin Okay, well then, uh, I mean, maybe we could do it like... next Halloween.
35175 7 6 Costume Contest 5330 Danny For sure.
35176 7 6 Costume Contest 5330 Andy We're just like, totally caught in the middle here.
35177 7 6 Costume Contest 5330 Danny What are you talking about?
35178 7 6 Costume Contest 5330 Andy Well Jim and Pam basically begged us not to go...
35179 7 6 Costume Contest 5330 Danny Jim and Pam really don't want you to go?
35180 7 6 Costume Contest 5330 Kevin They're really upset about the whole Danny situation.
35181 7 6 Costume Contest 5330 Danny I'll talk to them.
35182 7 6 Costume Contest 5330 Kevin Yeah, but wait, don't tell them that we said anything to you.
35183 7 6 Costume Contest 5330 Danny Okay.
35184 7 6 Costume Contest 5330 Kevin Or you're dead.
35185 7 6 Costume Contest 5330 Danny Okay.
35186 7 6 Costume Contest 5330 Kevin Okay.
35187 7 6 Costume Contest 5331 Erin Kelly! Great costume!
35188 7 6 Costume Contest 5331 Toby Oh.
35189 7 6 Costume Contest 5331 Angela KELLY! You cannot change costumes in the middle of the day! Pam, she's out.
35190 7 6 Costume Contest 5331 Kelly Um, if I'm out, I'm going to sue this ENTIRE COMPANY for discrimination.
35191 7 6 Costume Contest 5331 Oscar Guys? You're arguing over a one in sixteen chance. Over a prize worth... forty bucks.
35192 7 6 Costume Contest 5331 Kelly Um, fifteen thousand bucks, Oscar.
35193 7 6 Costume Contest 5331 Angela Yeah, shut it, Oscar. Pam?
35194 7 6 Costume Contest 5332 Angela This is an amazing prize. I mean, I don't even want to give Pam a compliment, because she's so blegh, but she did a good job. I really want that coupon book.
35195 7 6 Costume Contest 5333 Dwight Garbage magnet. Garbage magnet, God! Magnets are interesting enough, you don't need to tart them up with some design. I can't believe this doesn't make you mad!
35196 7 6 Costume Contest 5333 Michael What the hell are they talking about?
35197 7 6 Costume Contest 5333 Dwight Hmm, Kevin and Gabe. Probably about the extremes of the human physique.
35198 7 6 Costume Contest 5333 Michael Do you think that Kevin is going over my head? I don't- Oh my GOD. Okay. All right. All right. You know what? That's inappropriate, Kevin. I am your boss, and if you have something to say, it goes through me, and then I take it to Gabe. Chain of command. Do you understand?
35199 7 6 Costume Contest 5333 Kevin I am so sorry.
35200 7 6 Costume Contest 5333 Michael Oh, you're sorry?
35201 7 6 Costume Contest 5333 Kevin I just thought-
35202 7 6 Costume Contest 5333 Michael What did you just thought?
35203 7 6 Costume Contest 5333 Kevin Well, Gabe asked me if there were any really cool Lady Gaga moves that he could do for the catwalk. And so then I tol-
35204 7 6 Costume Contest 5333 Michael All right.
35205 7 6 Costume Contest 5333 Kevin I told him that there was this one cool move where she powers down like a robot.
35206 7 6 Costume Contest 5333 Michael Okay.
35207 7 6 Costume Contest 5333 Kevin Okay? But I- I am so sorry that I didn't tell you first.
35208 7 6 Costume Contest 5333 Michael Well, don't let it happen again.
35209 7 6 Costume Contest 5333 Kevin You think that I would let this happen again?! NO WAY JOSE.
35210 7 6 Costume Contest 5333 Michael I-
35211 7 6 Costume Contest 5333 Kevin you, Gabe!
35212 7 6 Costume Contest 5333 Gabe Okay...
35213 7 6 Costume Contest 5334 Danny Can you imagine? It's just crazy.
35214 7 6 Costume Contest 5334 Jim That is crazy. We would never care if Andy or Kevin went to your party.
35215 7 6 Costume Contest 5334 Danny Look, I'm just glad we can laugh about it. Because I was a little nervous about coming to work here, with, you know, our history.
35216 7 6 Costume Contest 5334 Pam Oh, my gosh! People keep blowing it out of proportion! It's not even a history.
35217 7 6 Costume Contest 5334 Danny Exactly.
35218 7 6 Costume Contest 5334 Jim It's not like you guys had some long relationship right? Big painful breakup I don't know about?
35219 7 6 Costume Contest 5334 Danny No! Two or three dates.
35220 7 6 Costume Contest 5334 Pam It was two.
35221 7 6 Costume Contest 5334 Danny Was it two? I thought it was three.
35222 7 6 Costume Contest 5334 Pam No, we um, we had plans for a third, but then I don't know, you never called me back, so...
35223 7 6 Costume Contest 5334 Jim Oooh! You can't handle the truth!
35224 7 6 Costume Contest 5334 Danny Well, that does not sound like me.
35225 7 6 Costume Contest 5334 Pam Yeah? It was though, that's what happened.
35226 7 6 Costume Contest 5334 Danny Well, great, I just wanted to make sure that things weren't weird.
35227 7 6 Costume Contest 5334 Pam Hmm-mm.
35228 7 6 Costume Contest 5335 Michael Okay, this whole going over my head-gate? Is making people act weird. The chain of command is crumbling. Do you know what just happened? I just made Kevin cry. And Gabe looks like Lady Gaga. That's not Halloween. Halloween should be a day in which we honor monsters and not be mad at each other.
35229 7 6 Costume Contest 5335 Darryl I'm not mad. Are you mad?
35230 7 6 Costume Contest 5335 Michael You went over my head. And then you lied to my face. So my head and my face have taken a beating.
35231 7 6 Costume Contest 5335 Darryl Well, I'm sorry if it seems that way to you.
35232 7 6 Costume Contest 5335 Michael Okay, that might help. If you said "I'm sorry" in front of everybody.
35233 7 6 Costume Contest 5335 Darryl Mike.
35234 7 6 Costume Contest 5335 Michael In front of me.
35235 7 6 Costume Contest 5335 Darryl You made a bad call. And I fixed it. So I'm not apologizing.
35236 7 6 Costume Contest 5335 Michael So that's it.
35237 7 6 Costume Contest 5335 Darryl That's it.
35238 7 6 Costume Contest 5335 Michael Is it?
35239 7 6 Costume Contest 5335 Darryl Yes.
35240 7 6 Costume Contest 5336 Andy Sookehhh. Bill Compton, from True Blood.
35241 7 6 Costume Contest 5336 Stanley How many freakin' vampires am I supposed to care about these days?
35242 7 6 Costume Contest 5337 Oscar I guess you could say I'm still in costume. I'm a rational consumer.
35243 7 6 Costume Contest 5337 Phyllis Oh.
35244 7 6 Costume Contest 5337 Oscar Stupid coupon booklet. Have you seen my costume? I'm a rational consumer.
35245 7 6 Costume Contest 5337 Ryan Yeah, I uh, heard you say it to Phyllis. That's a good line.
35246 7 6 Costume Contest 5337 Pam Okay, everybody! After you walk the runway everyone has to vote for who gets the coupon book. And you can't vote for yourself.
35247 7 6 Costume Contest 5337 Kevin Pam. Can you vote for other people?
35248 7 6 Costume Contest 5337 Michael Yeah, I gotta get in on this. Hey, it's cool, man, I work in the warehouse! I'm cool! I'm hip and I'm jive! And I don't care about nobody! Do you know who I am? Happy Halloween, jerk!
35249 7 6 Costume Contest 5338 Michael Still don't know who I am? I'll give you a hint. I go over other people's heads.
35250 7 6 Costume Contest 5338 Pam Michael, this is a bad idea.
35251 7 6 Costume Contest 5338 Michael What's a bad idea?
35252 7 6 Costume Contest 5338 Pam Dressing up as somebody-I mean, when has that ever worked for you?
35253 7 6 Costume Contest 5338 Michael NEVER! Okay, you know what? Fine. I'm not Darryl. And thank God I'm not Darryl.
35254 7 6 Costume Contest 5338 Kelly Could you for once just let us enjoy a party instead of making it about all your issues?
35255 7 6 Costume Contest 5339 Stanley Raaah!
35256 7 6 Costume Contest 5340 Oscar I present to you the rational consumer, as it were.
35257 7 6 Costume Contest 5341 Pam Angela as the nurse!
35258 7 6 Costume Contest 5342 Angela I don't like your tone! Look, they were sold out of all the other costumes, okay? I think we all live in the real world, here. Let's not pretend to be unaware of what sells in this office.
35259 7 6 Costume Contest 5343 Phyllis What should we ask?
35260 7 6 Costume Contest 5343 Michael Hey, can I play? Why don't you ask if Darryl is a bad friend who backstabs people in the back?
35261 7 6 Costume Contest 5343 Jim We have one question to ask the spirit world and you want us to ask that?
35262 7 6 Costume Contest 5343 Erin He says no.
35263 7 6 Costume Contest 5343 Michael Aaah! Darryl moved it. You moved it.
35264 7 6 Costume Contest 5343 Darryl No.
35265 7 6 Costume Contest 5343 Michael Dwight, you saw Darryl move it, right?
35266 7 6 Costume Contest 5343 Dwight Let's just say I saw exactly what the two of you wanted me to see.
35267 7 6 Costume Contest 5344 Dwight I know how to sit on a fence. Hell, I can even sleep on a fence. The trick is to do it face down with the post in your mouth.
35268 7 6 Costume Contest 5345 Michael If you had one word you would use to describe Darryl what would that word be?
35269 7 6 Costume Contest 5345 Erin A... S... S... H... E... T?
35270 7 6 Costume Contest 5345 Phyllis An asset!
35271 7 6 Costume Contest 5345 Erin Ah! That's enough.
35272 7 6 Costume Contest 5346 Danny I don't think it's gonna work out the way you think.
35273 7 6 Costume Contest 5346 Todd Packer I don't think you get it.
35274 7 6 Costume Contest 5346 Danny Hey.
35275 7 6 Costume Contest 5346 Jim Hey.
35276 7 6 Costume Contest 5346 Danny This is some party, huh?
35277 7 6 Costume Contest 5346 Jim When you work hard, you play hard around here. Even if you don't work hard. Oh, here's something. Uh, why didn't you ever call Pam back?
35278 7 6 Costume Contest 5346 Danny Are you serious?
35279 7 6 Costume Contest 5346 Jim Yeah. I mean, I'm not saying that everyone has to fall in love, or anything, I'm just saying... but you know, to not even call her back is...
35280 7 6 Costume Contest 5346 Danny You know what it was? I think she gave me her number but then her fours look like eights, and...
35281 7 6 Costume Contest 5346 Jim Could be. But you also called her the second time so you had the number right.
35282 7 6 Costume Contest 5346 Todd Packer Halpert, you lookin' for someone to bang your wife?
35283 7 6 Costume Contest 5346 Jim Nope.
35284 7 6 Costume Contest 5346 Danny Okay. You wanna know? I didn't call her back because she spent the whole date talking about you. She was obviously in love with you.
35285 7 6 Costume Contest 5347 Ryan Fifty seven. Fifty eight.
35286 7 6 Costume Contest 5347 Meredith Wait, wait. She hasn't moved in awhile.
35287 7 6 Costume Contest 5347 Oscar ERIN!
35288 7 6 Costume Contest 5347 Erin Two! I got two. I ate two whole apples.
35289 7 6 Costume Contest 5348 Pam I'd remember talking about Jim. That wasn't it.
35290 7 6 Costume Contest 5348 Jim Just tell her the real reason.
35291 7 6 Costume Contest 5348 Danny Do you honestly want to know why I didn't call her back on a date over four years ago?
35292 7 6 Costume Contest 5348 Jim Hey. She had a nice time. It seems rude.
35293 7 6 Costume Contest 5348 Pam I did. And it's just one of those things that's going to keep gnawing at me, like "gnaw, gnaw, why? Why didn't he? I have no idea why."
35294 7 6 Costume Contest 5348 Danny Okay. Honestly. I didn't call you back because I-thought you seemed a little... dorky.
35295 7 6 Costume Contest 5348 Jim Hey, man.
35296 7 6 Costume Contest 5348 Pam Thank you! Thank you. I got it. Now I know. You thought I was a little dorky. You know? Okay. Well, excuuuuse me.
35297 7 6 Costume Contest 5349 Gabe In the future, you need to get Michael's approval on anything before coming to me.
35298 7 6 Costume Contest 5349 Michael Thank you.
35299 7 6 Costume Contest 5349 Darryl You're gonna be missing out on some good ideas.
35300 7 6 Costume Contest 5349 Gabe Okay, well, obviously if it's a really, really good idea, my door is open.
35301 7 6 Costume Contest 5349 Michael If they're good ideas, I'm not gonna say no!
35302 7 6 Costume Contest 5349 Darryl You said no to this one!
35303 7 6 Costume Contest 5349 Michael That was-okay, you make one mistake in fifteen years and you drag me over the coals, after everything I did for you?
35304 7 6 Costume Contest 5349 Darryl What have you done for me?
35305 7 6 Costume Contest 5349 Michael Oh...
35306 7 6 Costume Contest 5349 Darryl What have you done for me?
35307 7 6 Costume Contest 5349 Michael Well...
35308 7 6 Costume Contest 5349 Darryl Ed Truck hired me. Jo promoted me. Gabe listened to me. All you've ever done is say no to me. I have ambition. And you kept me at the same level for years.
35309 7 6 Costume Contest 5349 Gabe Ohh. Dropping bombs, right? This really make you think, Michael?
35310 7 6 Costume Contest 5349 Michael Stop it! Stop, stop. We're thinking. We're thinking about it.
35311 7 6 Costume Contest 5349 Gabe Yeah.
35312 7 6 Costume Contest 5349 Michael You don't have to point to the fact that we're thinking about it. Stop it! Just let us think. Okay, next time you have a really great idea, we will put it in a hat, and then we will have Erin pick it out of the hat and let her decide.
35313 7 6 Costume Contest 5349 Darryl I don't understand the point of a hat.
35314 7 6 Costume Contest 5349 Gabe You're right, we don't need a hat.
35315 7 6 Costume Contest 5349 Michael I am not budging on the hat issue.
35316 7 6 Costume Contest 5349 Gabe Okay. We're going to table the hat question. The best ideas are going to come to me, I make the final decision, period.
35317 7 6 Costume Contest 5349 Michael Okay. We both reserve the right to go to Jo if we disagree with Gabe.
35318 7 6 Costume Contest 5349 Gabe Okay, why don't we simplify this? Darryl brings it to Michael, Michael brings it to me, no one calls Jo.
35319 7 6 Costume Contest 5349 Michael Unless you and I decide we want to talk to Jo, then we'll give her a call.
35320 7 6 Costume Contest 5349 Darryl Cool. Okay. Sorry I lied.
35321 7 6 Costume Contest 5349 Michael Sorry I was a jerk.
35322 7 6 Costume Contest 5350 Michael Friends fight. Friends fight.
35323 7 6 Costume Contest 5351 Andy What's up, man?
35324 7 6 Costume Contest 5351 Darryl Sometimes it seems like it was better down in the warehouse, you know?
35325 7 6 Costume Contest 5351 Andy When I was a freshman in college, I worked at the student newspaper, the Cornell Daily Sun? This was at Cornell. I had to write an op-ed column every day. Bernard's Regards.
35326 7 6 Costume Contest 5351 Darryl This was your freshman year.
35327 7 6 Costume Contest 5351 Andy I started to ask myself, "Do I have big plans here?" I didn't want to become editor of that paper, so I got up and walked right out of Walter Bernard hall, and that's actually when I heard eight male voices, singing, unencumbered by instruments. I was hooked. So is becoming CEO of this company your a capella group? Come on, we're going to Danny's bar. Public School.
35328 7 6 Costume Contest 5351 Darryl No. I got some work to do. I do got big plans with this company.
35329 7 6 Costume Contest 5352 Jim To be honest, I still can't believe he didn't call her back. Who doesn't call a dork like that back?
35330 7 6 Costume Contest 5353 Pam Oh, wow!
35331 7 6 Costume Contest 5353 Jim Spinach in a can. Power eat spinach.
35332 7 6 Costume Contest 5353 Pam Aww, my hero!
35333 7 6 Costume Contest 5354 Pam Okay, everyone, I've tallied the votes, and the winner... of the costume celebration spectacular... and the Scranton Wilkes-Barre coupon book... Oscar Martinez.
35334 7 6 Costume Contest 5355 Kelly If I have to vote for someone, I don't want it to be someone who can beat me.
35335 7 6 Costume Contest 5356 Ryan Shake things up. I'm a Nader guy.
35336 7 6 Costume Contest 5357 Creed Best Edward James Olmos costume I've ever seen. Like, freaky good.
35337 7 7 Christening 5358 Pam I know a lot of us have been feeling under the weather lately. It's that time of year. And according to a study done by the University of Arizona, they've discovered that your keyboards have hundreds of times more bacteria, per square inch, than a toilet seat.
35338 7 7 Christening 5358 Kelly I heard your momma had more bacteria per square inch than a toilet seat.
35339 7 7 Christening 5358 Michael That's true, that's true. I dated her momma, and you know what-
35340 7 7 Christening 5358 Jim Stop.
35341 7 7 Christening 5358 Michael Um... kay. Uh, alright.
35342 7 7 Christening 5358 Pam One of the simplest ways to cut down on the spread of germs is to use something called the vampire cough.
35343 7 7 Christening 5358 Erin Di-Did you say vampire?
35344 7 7 Christening 5358 Pam Oh, no, it's just that if a vampire had to cough, he would do it like this.
35345 7 7 Christening 5358 Dwight Uh-huh. Right. And ruin their cloaks? Do you have any idea how expensive wool is in Transylvania? 'Cause of the euro.
35346 7 7 Christening 5358 Pam Well, other things you can do to help cut down on the spread of disease are to wash your hands regularly. Don't come in if you're sick.
35347 7 7 Christening 5358 Dwight Uh...
35348 7 7 Christening 5358 Pam And get your flu shot. Also, I'm going to set up hand sanitizing stations around the office.
35349 7 7 Christening 5358 Dwight NO, no, no. They will cost you your life.
35350 7 7 Christening 5358 Jim Elaborate.
35351 7 7 Christening 5358 Dwight The worst thing you can do for your immune system is to coddle it. They need to fight their own battles. If Sabre really cared about our well-being, they would set up hand de-sanitizing stations. A simple bowl at every juncture filled with dirt, vomit, fecal matter...
35352 7 7 Christening 5358 Pam I'm not - I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that.
35353 7 7 Christening 5358 Dwight Exposing yourself to germs is the best way to make yourself stronger.
35354 7 7 Christening 5358 Jim So by that rationale, if I had to sneeze, I should just sneeze on you.
35355 7 7 Christening 5358 Dwight Yes. I would welcome it.
35356 7 7 Christening 5358 Jim You're welcome.
35357 7 7 Christening 5359 Dwight The principle is sound. To avoid illness, expose yourself to germs, enabling your immune system to develop antibodies. I don't know why everyone doesn't do this. Maybe they have something against living forever.
35358 7 7 Christening 5360 Angela Jim. Pam. And the precious bundle of God's gift to everything. I wish you both a pleasant day. And you too. Yes. Praise God. Ok.
35359 7 7 Christening 5361 Pam Cece's getting christened today.
35360 7 7 Christening 5361 Jim Big day.
35361 7 7 Christening 5361 Pam Everyone from work is here. We weren't planning on that.
35362 7 7 Christening 5361 Jim Nope.
35363 7 7 Christening 5362 Michael Top of the Sunday morning to you.
35364 7 7 Christening 5362 Andy And a top of the day to you too, sir.
35365 7 7 Christening 5362 Ryan Hope you brought your pipes. We're about to smoke the opium of the masses.
35366 7 7 Christening 5362 Michael Oh, yes. Doobie-doobie doo.
35367 7 7 Christening 5363 Michael I invited everyone in the office because it's not a day for just Jim or Pam or the baby or me. It is about us all. And I thought we should all celebrate... my joy. And our, all of ours joys.
35368 7 7 Christening 5364 Andy Ah, man.
35369 7 7 Christening 5365 Andy Does the Nard-dog want Nard-pups? Yeah. I want a big ol' litter of Nard-pups. All jumping around, sucking on the teet. Put 'em in a box, give 'em to my neighbors. Yeah, I want kids.
35370 7 7 Christening 5366 Dwight For all your paper and printer needs. For all your paper and printer needs. For all your paper and printer needs.
35371 7 7 Christening 5367 Toby Sunday church service... it's been a few years. The Big Guy and I, we got some catching up to do.
35372 7 7 Christening 5368 Michael Hey. Hey. I got an offer that you can't refuse. Scooch over.
35373 7 7 Christening 5368 Pam Oh, Michael, this is just for family.
35374 7 7 Christening 5368 Michael But I'm the Godfather.
35375 7 7 Christening 5368 Jim It is really funny, but you know that can be confusing at a christening because you are not the godfather.
35376 7 7 Christening 5368 Michael Are you talking to me?
35377 7 7 Christening 5368 Jim Ok, your turn.
35378 7 7 Christening 5368 Michael Scooch. Before I shoot you in the head.
35379 7 7 Christening 5368 Pam Okay, Michael. Um, you know I love when you do that voice, but today, I'm so sorry. I need you to tell me that you know you're not Cece's godfather.
35380 7 7 Christening 5368 Michael Yeah.
35381 7 7 Christening 5368 Pam I'm sorry, Michael. I need you to say it. I'm so sorry.
35382 7 7 Christening 5368 Michael I'm not the godfather.
35383 7 7 Christening 5368 Pam Okay, thank you.
35384 7 7 Christening 5368 Michael So who is the godfather?
35385 7 7 Christening 5368 Pam Our friend, Seth, and his wife there.
35386 7 7 Christening 5368 Michael Okay. Old friend, like, you've known him since kindergarten?
35387 7 7 Christening 5368 Pam No, I met his wife in Mommy and Me. They're a great couple. You should meet them later.
35388 7 7 Christening 5368 Michael No, I have plenty of friends, so... all right, well, you have great seats. Enjoy the show.
35389 7 7 Christening 5368 Pam Okay. Thank you for coming, Michael.
35390 7 7 Christening 5369 Michael I don't even know how to say this, but Cece is turning out to be a little b-i-t-c-h. And that's not true, but her parents are kind of boxing me out.
35391 7 7 Christening 5370 Church congregation We ask you, Lord, come to our aid.
35392 7 7 Christening 5370 Pastor Good morning.
35393 7 7 Christening 5370 All Good morning.
35394 7 7 Christening 5370 Michael Good morning.
35395 7 7 Christening 5370 Pastor What a terrific day this is, and not just because the Eagles are playing.
35396 7 7 Christening 5370 Pastor You may have seen the bus out front. Today we also say good-bye to our young adult ministry. They're leaving for three months to build a school for the village of Quimixto, in Cabo Corrientes, Mexico.
35397 7 7 Christening 5370 Ryan I've heard of that place. If you go to Cabo San Lucas, all the prostitutes are from Cabo Corrientes.
35398 7 7 Christening 5371 Toby Okay, this is, all right, this is silly. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope...
35399 7 7 Christening 5372 Female church member And thank you for your prayers for Justin. We hope for a speedy recovery.
35400 7 7 Christening 5372 Pastor Thank you. Anyone else with a prayer or a remembrance?
35401 7 7 Christening 5372 Dwight Good morning. Dwight Schrute. Thank you all for your prayers and your remembrances. Like Justin and his disfigurement, I too have had a horrible year. They say that the middle class is disappearing, and with it, the soul of America. So, as a gift to this beautiful congregation, I would like to offer a 4% discount on all Dunder Mifflin Sabre products if you buy a printer at full price.
35402 7 7 Christening 5373 Pastor Christening calls to repentance, to faithfulness, and to discipleship. We've come to celebrate these babies.
35403 7 7 Christening 5373 Pam Somebody needs a change.
35404 7 7 Christening 5373 Jim Right now?
35405 7 7 Christening 5373 Pam Well, she can't bring this up with her.
35406 7 7 Christening 5373 Jim Okay. All right, come on. Where are we going? Where are we going? We're gonna take a little field trip.
35407 7 7 Christening 5374 Jim Okay. Okay. There's my girl. All right. Hold on one second. There we go. What's that face for? Oh, my-oh, my God. Cece, no. No, no, no, not on the dress! Cece, stop!
35408 7 7 Christening 5375 Pam What?
35409 7 7 Christening 5375 Jim What?
35410 7 7 Christening 5375 Pam Honey, no.
35411 7 7 Christening 5375 Jim Yes.
35412 7 7 Christening 5375 Pam No, no.
35413 7 7 Christening 5375 Jim This is happening.
35414 7 7 Christening 5375 Pam We have an extra outfit in the bag.
35415 7 7 Christening 5375 Jim No. There's no extra outfit in the bag.
35416 7 7 Christening 5375 Pam You said you checked it.
35417 7 7 Christening 5375 Jim I did... say that.
35418 7 7 Christening 5375 Pastor At this time, will the families please come join me?
35419 7 7 Christening 5376 Michael Jim and Pam and Cece really seem to be clicking. They are totally gelling. It's as if they leave my office and they go to another office that sells happiness. And good for them. That's great, because, you know, the paper industry's not gonna last forever.
35420 7 7 Christening 5377 Pastor Before we go, I'd like to remind everyone that the "Halberts" have been kind enough to host a reception next door immediately following the service.
35421 7 7 Christening 5377 Jim Mm. No. Wrong on both counts.
35422 7 7 Christening 5378 Jim Okay, "A," Halbert. And, "B," I think a more appropriate statement would be, "The 'Halberts' are hosting an intimate reception for their invited guests."
35423 7 7 Christening 5379 Ryan For all their generosity of spirit, they password-protect their wireless?
35424 7 7 Christening 5379 Kelly Try "Jesus."
35425 7 7 Christening 5379 Dwight Opus dei.
35426 7 7 Christening 5379 Male church member Hi. Good morning.
35427 7 7 Christening 5379 Michael Good morning.
35428 7 7 Christening 5379 Female church member Good morning.
35429 7 7 Christening 5379 Michael Good morning.
35430 7 7 Christening 5379 Ryan Hello.
35431 7 7 Christening 5379 Dwight Shh, shh, shh.
35432 7 7 Christening 5380 Michael How are you? Good morning. Good morning.
35433 7 7 Christening 5380 Lady Good morning.
35434 7 7 Christening 5381 Michael I am feeling this. Call it the Holy Spirit or the passion of the Christ. I am loving these people.
35435 7 7 Christening 5382 Jim Hey.
35436 7 7 Christening 5382 Doug I'm Doug Mcpherson, Davey's uncle.
35437 7 7 Christening 5382 Jim Oh, well, Dave is an adorable baby.
35438 7 7 Christening 5382 Doug Davey.
35439 7 7 Christening 5382 Jim Yeah.
35440 7 7 Christening 5382 Pam Wow.
35441 7 7 Christening 5382 Angela Well, this is intimate.
35442 7 7 Christening 5382 Pam We just had to add a few more tables. We weren't expecting this many people.
35443 7 7 Christening 5382 Angela You don't know them all?
35444 7 7 Christening 5382 Pam Nope, and we're gonna need a loaves and fishes kind of miracle to feed 'em all.
35445 7 7 Christening 5382 Angela Jesus is not your caterer. But he should be your caterer 'cause you're a little angel. Why didn't your parents get you a caterer? They don't think.
35446 7 7 Christening 5382 Pam Hm. Don't listen to her. She's just jealous 'cause she doesn't get to come home to someone as cute as you.
35447 7 7 Christening 5382 Jim Huh, you think she is jealous about having a baby?
35448 7 7 Christening 5382 Pam I don't know. I'm just hungry.
35449 7 7 Christening 5382 Jim Okay, well, you know what? Everybody's hungry. Sorry. I think I'm just hungry.
35450 7 7 Christening 5383 Michael Oh, after you.
35451 7 7 Christening 5383 Male church member Oh, no, after you.
35452 7 7 Christening 5383 Michael No, I insist. After me.
35453 7 7 Christening 5383 Male church member I'm gonna use that one. Have a good lunch.
35454 7 7 Christening 5383 Michael Thank you. You too.
35455 7 7 Christening 5384 Stanley This is not the meal I was promised. I'm going to have no energy for the rest of the day.
35456 7 7 Christening 5384 Kevin I cancelled my plans to come to this thing, and they repay me with this?
35457 7 7 Christening 5384 Michael You know what, guys, let's just enjoy lunch.
35458 7 7 Christening 5384 Kevin With what? How? Sometimes, Michael. Sometimes.
35459 7 7 Christening 5385 Girl Excuse me, everyone, on behalf of the youth ministry that's leaving for Mexico, I just wanted to thank our hosts and tell you about those good-looking guys and gals over there.
35460 7 7 Christening 5385 Ryan Teach for America girls are way hotter, but they're nuts.
35461 7 7 Christening 5386 Girl This is Jessica Ortega. I met her when both she and I were both seven years old when my parents took me to Quimixto on a service trip.
35462 7 7 Christening 5386 Phyllis Who takes a kid to Mexico?
35463 7 7 Christening 5386 Stanley I would run to Mexico if that's where the sandwiches are.
35464 7 7 Christening 5386 Michael Shh.
35465 7 7 Christening 5387 Girl Right now, Jessica's children have to walk twelve miles to a school with dirt floors.
35466 7 7 Christening 5387 Michael No.
35467 7 7 Christening 5387 Girl It's gonna be three months of hard work and when we're done, we'll practically be Quimixtanos.
35468 7 7 Christening 5388 Dwight Greg, hello, it's Dwight from the vestibule. You want to know my eleventh commandment? I will not be undersold.
35469 7 7 Christening 5388 Michael Hey, Dwight. Dwight, hey.
35470 7 7 Christening 5388 Dwight I am ready to love thy neighbor with these kind of discounts.
35471 7 7 Christening 5388 Michael Are you kidding me? Stop it.
35472 7 7 Christening 5388 Dwight I'll call you back.
35473 7 7 Christening 5389 Girl My parents explained it to me this way. You wouldn't hesitate to save a family member from a burning building, but what if the earth was your building and all the people on it were your family?
35474 7 7 Christening 5389 Andy What if the moon was your car and Jupiter was your hair brush?
35475 7 7 Christening 5389 Michael Shh.
35476 7 7 Christening 5389 Girl Thank you. Or should I say gracias?
35477 7 7 Christening 5390 Pam Cece went down.
35478 7 7 Christening 5390 Woman What was this? You're out of it.
35479 7 7 Christening 5390 Jim Scones.
35480 7 7 Christening 5390 Woman I didn't get one.
35481 7 7 Christening 5390 Pam Well, if it makes you feel better, I didn't get one either.
35482 7 7 Christening 5390 Woman Is it just the one jug of apple cider?
35483 7 7 Christening 5390 Pam Who the heck was that?
35484 7 7 Christening 5390 Jim I think that was sconesy cider, noted baptism reception critic.
35485 7 7 Christening 5390 Pam We need more food. I'll go get some subs and sodas.
35486 7 7 Christening 5390 Jim All right. And cider.
35487 7 7 Christening 5391 Michael Look at that. Look at that. That's fun. We need to do stuff together outside of work. Let's go help Africa. Let's go build an airport. We'll start small. We'll have a car wash. We'll send some cheerleaders to regionals.
35488 7 7 Christening 5391 Stanley You could feed the hungry. Us.
35489 7 7 Christening 5391 Oscar Why do we have to do something together? I volunteer at a clinic on my own time.
35490 7 7 Christening 5391 Michael Yeah, well, that's just a pick-up scene. Okay, we don't have to volunteer. But I think we should hang out more together.
35491 7 7 Christening 5391 Darryl We are hanging out-right now. You want some more of this?
35492 7 7 Christening 5391 Michael Look at these people. These are church-going people. And they know how to party.
35493 7 7 Christening 5391 Phyllis Church isn't a party, Michael.
35494 7 7 Christening 5391 Michael Well, it's, it's-
35495 7 7 Christening 5391 Ryan Welcome to the party. Everybody have their kool-aid?
35496 7 7 Christening 5391 Michael No. Okay, you know what? This is inappropriate. What is wrong with you guys? What is wrong with you? What is so horrible about wanting to get together and do something nice? Why did you guys even come today? What's so great about your lives that you think you're better than everybody else? That you can make fun of everybody else? You're mean. You're mean girls. Like the movie, Mean Girls. And Kevin and Stanley, if you don't stop worrying so much about what you're gonna put in your gullet, you're gonna die in about a month.
35497 7 7 Christening 5392 Jim Oh, hey, Mee-Maw, would you watch Cece for a second? Don't worry. She's asleep. I'm just gonna track down some more chairs.
35498 7 7 Christening 5392 Mee-Maw Fine, fine. I guess I'll watch Suzanne's purse and your baby.
35499 7 7 Christening 5393 Michael Bye. Good luck. Good luck to you. Bye. Do good. Do good. Bye. Have fun. We're proud of you. Bye. Okay.
35500 7 7 Christening 5394 Michael Hey. Hey. Is this the bus to Mexico?
35501 7 7 Christening 5394 Students Yeah!
35502 7 7 Christening 5394 Michael I'll take a shirt.
35503 7 7 Christening 5394 Guy Are you coming?
35504 7 7 Christening 5394 Michael If you'll have me, yes.
35505 7 7 Christening 5394 Guy Heck, yes.
35506 7 7 Christening 5394 Michael Really? Thank you. All right.
35507 7 7 Christening 5395 Oscar Michael. Get off the bus.
35508 7 7 Christening 5395 Michael No, I'm not. I'm staying on the bus. I'm already on the bus. I'm going.
35509 7 7 Christening 5395 Gabe Michael, this is irresponsible.
35510 7 7 Christening 5395 Michael It is not irresponsible! I have never been more confident about a decision in my life.
35511 7 7 Christening 5395 Darryl I agree. I think it's superb.
35512 7 7 Christening 5395 Gabe Well, you have a job to do. Okay, there is no off-season when it comes to printer sales.
35513 7 7 Christening 5395 Michael You know what, my job will be here when I get back.
35514 7 7 Christening 5395 Andy Michael, you can't go to Mexico. You don't have your passport.
35515 7 7 Christening 5395 Guy You don't need one to get in. Plus, we can just have it sent to him down in Mexico.
35516 7 7 Christening 5395 Michael Hey, right?
35517 7 7 Christening 5395 Phyllis Michael, what am I supposed to tell my clients if they ask about you?
35518 7 7 Christening 5395 Michael Tell them that I died, and I turned into an angel, and when they feel a breeze in a room with all the windows closed or that-that chill on the back of their neck, that is just me watching over them.
35519 7 7 Christening 5395 Phyllis Okay, but what about the bigger corporate accounts?
35520 7 7 Christening 5395 Michael Tell them that I'm in a meeting.
35521 7 7 Christening 5395 Dwight Michael, I'm just about to close a sale. Can I authorize a 15% discount?
35522 7 7 Christening 5395 Michael No, you may not.
35523 7 7 Christening 5395 Dwight Gah!
35524 7 7 Christening 5395 Erin I think it's really cool, Michael. I wish I had a job that I could just leave.
35525 7 7 Christening 5395 Michael Thank you.
35526 7 7 Christening 5395 Andy Save me an aisle seat, Michael! I'm coming!
35527 7 7 Christening 5396 Andy I will not stand idly by while these Mexican villagers are sick.
35528 7 7 Christening 5396 Guy We're actually building them a school.
35529 7 7 Christening 5396 Andy Whatever. I won't-I won't stand for it.
35530 7 7 Christening 5397 Michael See you in a few months.
35531 7 7 Christening 5398 Girl If the whole world were like you guys, we wouldn't have so many problems.
35532 7 7 Christening 5398 Michael Mm. That's not gonna happen.
35533 7 7 Christening 5398 Andy We're one in a million.
35534 7 7 Christening 5398 Girl I know. Nobody I know would leave their jobs and friends and families to do manual labor for three months.
35535 7 7 Christening 5398 Michael Well, you know what, everybody thinks that I am crazy, and that tells me that I am the sanest person I know. So...
35536 7 7 Christening 5398 Andy Just a heads up. Probably gonna be borrowing a few things. Uh, gonna need a contact lens case, some sunscreen, some sandals...
35537 7 7 Christening 5399 Toby Why you always got to be so mean to me?
35538 7 7 Christening 5400 Jim Uh, MeeMaw, where's Cece?
35539 7 7 Christening 5400 MeeMaw I don't know. I lost the purse too.
35540 7 7 Christening 5400 Jim Okay.
35541 7 7 Christening 5401 Andy Good-bye, Lackawana County.
35542 7 7 Christening 5401 Michael How long till we get to Mexico?
35543 7 7 Christening 5401 Andy Well, two days minus how long we've been on the road. 45 minutes? So, like, two days basically. Maybe more.
35544 7 7 Christening 5401 Michael Ooh. What are we building down there again? Like, a hospital? A school for Mexicans? What?
35545 7 7 Christening 5401 Andy I don't know, I thought it was like a gymnasium or...
35546 7 7 Christening 5401 Michael Why aren't they building it themselves?
35547 7 7 Christening 5401 Andy They don't know how.
35548 7 7 Christening 5401 Michael Do we know how? I don't know how. You know how?
35549 7 7 Christening 5401 Andy Well, Carla knows.
35550 7 7 Christening 5401 Michael Carla knows. Oh, I feel like there were so many more people on this bus. There were, like, 200, 300 people before. Hey, Carla? Carla? Hi. What are you doing?
35551 7 7 Christening 5401 Carla Oh, trying to sleep.
35552 7 7 Christening 5401 Michael What is happening? Oh, God, what is happening?
35553 7 7 Christening 5401 Andy Do you smell like a weird, warm cheese?
35554 7 7 Christening 5401 Michael Oh, God, you know what? I'm gonna be in Mexico for my half-birthday.
35555 7 7 Christening 5401 Andy And the Christmas party.
35556 7 7 Christening 5401 Michael And Cinco de Mayo.
35557 7 7 Christening 5401 Andy Nah, no. We'll be back before that.
35558 7 7 Christening 5401 Michael No, we-No. You know how these things go. Construction projects, they say three months, and then, after two years, the lazy bums haven't even started. Now we're those lazy bums. I gotta get off this bus.
35559 7 7 Christening 5402 Jim Hey, guys, has anybody seen the baby?
35560 7 7 Christening 5402 Phyllis Here's her carrier, but no Cece.
35561 7 7 Christening 5402 Jim's Dad Jim, Jim, I want to give a toast. Where's the little girl of honor?
35562 7 7 Christening 5402 Jim I don't know, dad. I don't know.
35563 7 7 Christening 5402 Doug I don't mean to bug, but do you know when those subs are due into port? I got a hungry bunch of Mcphersons over there.
35564 7 7 Christening 5402 Jim I don't know. Hey, have you seen my baby?
35565 7 7 Christening 5402 Doug I think maybe some blonde lady had her.
35566 7 7 Christening 5402 Jim A small blonde woman?
35567 7 7 Christening 5402 Doug Smaller than me.
35568 7 7 Christening 5402 Jim Uh, everyone? Everyone, can I just have your attention? Has anyone seen a small- Stop that tiny blonde woman! She stole my baby!
35569 7 7 Christening 5402 Angela What are you doing?
35570 7 7 Christening 5402 Kevin Give me the baby!
35571 7 7 Christening 5402 Angela What? Kevin!
35572 7 7 Christening 5402 Helene Hi, honey. I was just changing the baby.
35573 7 7 Christening 5402 Jim Hi.
35574 7 7 Christening 5402 Pam Honey.
35575 7 7 Christening 5402 Jim Hi. All right. Travel safe, Angela.
35576 7 7 Christening 5402 Angela Did you think I stole your baby?
35577 7 7 Christening 5402 Jim What's that? Oh, yeah, back then I did. Just now. So, don't, because I've got my eye on you.
35578 7 7 Christening 5402 Kevin Look at these scones, Jim. Thousands of them. What kind of a person steals scones from a baby?
35579 7 7 Christening 5402 Angela Someone put them in my bag.
35580 7 7 Christening 5402 Doug So that was lunch, eh? Mcpherson troop, let's haul out. Rendezvous at Friendly's.
35581 7 7 Christening 5402 Pam Did you lose Cece?
35582 7 7 Christening 5402 Jim Yeah. Yeah, a little bit. I did.
35583 7 7 Christening 5403 Michael Can you fake a seizure or a heart attack or something?
35584 7 7 Christening 5403 Andy I can make myself cry.
35585 7 7 Christening 5403 Michael Do that. Do it.
35586 7 7 Christening 5403 Andy Should I-I got it. I got it. Um, hey, I saw a sign for a scenic overlook coming up. Really love to check out the view.
35587 7 7 Christening 5403 Bus driver Can't stop. We're on a schedule.
35588 7 7 Christening 5403 Andy Well, uh, there's a nice bistro coming up. We could pick up some Paninis for the road.
35589 7 7 Christening 5403 Bus driver Maybe we'll stop in Tennesseee. It's not safe to talk to a driver.
35590 7 7 Christening 5403 Michael Okay, driver, driver, if you're not gonna stop this bus, then I'm going to stop it for you. Okay? Hang on.
35591 7 7 Christening 5403 Bus driver Stopping in Tennessee.
35592 7 7 Christening 5403 Guy Hey, is there a problem, you guys?
35593 7 7 Christening 5403 Michael Yeah, just get him to stop the bus, please.
35594 7 7 Christening 5403 Guy Why?
35595 7 7 Christening 5403 Andy Just make him stop the freaking bus!
35596 7 7 Christening 5403 Michael Stop the bus, okay?
35597 7 7 Christening 5403 Carla Are you okay, sir?
35598 7 7 Christening 5403 Michael I didn't sign up for this. You guys are young, that's great. You want to give back to society. I've done that. I need to take.
35599 7 7 Christening 5403 Girl You have plenty left to give. You're doing-
35600 7 7 Christening 5403 Michael Blah-di-blah!
35601 7 7 Christening 5403 Andy It doesn't matter.
35602 7 7 Christening 5403 Michael We could go back and forth all day. It's not gonna solve anything.
35603 7 7 Christening 5403 Andy If we went to Mexico, we'd probably screw everything up anyway.
35604 7 7 Christening 5403 Michael Do you want that for little Jessica? No, you don't. And the answer is clear. Stop the bus. Okay?
35605 7 7 Christening 5403 Andy Stop the bus!
35606 7 7 Christening 5403 Michael Stop the bus! Stop the bus!
35607 7 7 Christening 5403 Guy Okay, stop the dang bus.
35608 7 7 Christening 5403 Michael Okay, well, a pleasure. Go save the world. We'll keep an eye on America for you.
35609 7 7 Christening 5403 Another guy Wait for me! Don't say anything to my parents.
35610 7 7 Christening 5404 Erin Get in quick.
35611 7 7 Christening 5404 Michael Why quick?
35612 7 7 Christening 5404 Erin So it's faster.
35613 7 7 Christening 5405 Erin Do you guys want me to take you home or go back to the church?
35614 7 7 Christening 5405 Michael Is anyone still at the church?
35615 7 7 Christening 5405 Erin No, actually most of them went to go see a movie.
35616 7 7 Christening 5405 Michael What? Shut up.
35617 7 7 Christening 5405 Erin Yeah. Kevin suggested it, and then they all went in Meredith's minivan.
35618 7 7 Christening 5405 Michael It is so nice to be back in a country that has movies.
35619 7 7 Christening 5405 Erin I bet. You guys.
35620 7 7 Christening 5405 Guy Can I come?
35621 7 7 Christening 5405 Erin Oh, Lake Wobblegone's on. Do you guys-are you cool with that?
35622 7 7 Christening 5405 Radio "... banana bread, but Fred Nordquist had no appetite. He was thinking about his pair of new boots. It'd been ten years after all. As he told Mrs. Nordquist, it would take two years to get comfortable with the new boots."
35623 7 8 Viewing Party 5406 Erin They caught the Scranton Stranger, they trapped him in his house.
35624 7 8 Viewing Party 5406 Reporter Police have now surrounded the apartment complex.
35625 7 8 Viewing Party 5406 Michael They have him surrounded. It's the SWAT. The SWAT's arriving.
35626 7 8 Viewing Party 5406 Reporter It is unknown if he is armed with anything.
35627 7 8 Viewing Party 5406 Kevin They should do that thing where they play the really good music to get him to come out.
35628 7 8 Viewing Party 5406 Dwight They shouldn't televise any of this, it just encourages copy-cats.
35629 7 8 Viewing Party 5406 Angela Just say copies, why do you have to drag cats into this.
35630 7 8 Viewing Party 5406 Gabe Okay, while this is interesting we should get back to work. These stand-offs can last a long time. What if it's another Waco.
35631 7 8 Viewing Party 5406 Erin It's pronounced wacko.
35632 7 8 Viewing Party 5407 Jim Some events are so news worthy, so historic, that you have to stop everything to watch. Balloon Boy, Michael Jackson's funeral. Things that if you didn't see them live, you wouldn't really care that you didn't see them at all.
35633 7 8 Viewing Party 5408 Kelly Columbia Street in Washington Ave! When is he gonna come out?
35634 7 8 Viewing Party 5408 Andy I bet he's wishing he had a hybrid, right? Sixty miles to the gallon in the city.
35635 7 8 Viewing Party 5408 Kevin No! I bet he's wishing he was strangling someone!
35636 7 8 Viewing Party 5408 Michael Ok, that's our street! That's our street! He's going down our street! Come on everybody!
35637 7 8 Viewing Party 5409 Michael There it is! I saw it! I saw it! He went right by! You missed it!
35638 7 8 Viewing Party 5410 Michael Grandpa, where were you the day the the Scranton Strangler was caught? Well kiddo, I was there. I was there... And I'll tell you what. You go sell these and buy yourself a nice spaceship.
35639 7 8 Viewing Party 5411 Erin Michael!
35640 7 8 Viewing Party 5411 Michael Walk with me.
35641 7 8 Viewing Party 5411 Erin Gabe and I are having a party, and everyone's invited, and it's at his house apartment and we're gonna watch Glee.
35642 7 8 Viewing Party 5411 Michael Glee? What is Glee, some television program? Jim I need that thing stat!
35643 7 8 Viewing Party 5411 Jim Okay?
35644 7 8 Viewing Party 5411 Erin Yeah it's a TV show...
35645 7 8 Viewing Party 5411 Michael Dwight! Sign please. I don't have time for parties I don't have time for TV shows. Stanley! What time is that thing I have to do?
35646 7 8 Viewing Party 5411 Stanley I...
35647 7 8 Viewing Party 5411 Michael Cancel it! Are you still here?
35648 7 8 Viewing Party 5411 Erin Uhh. It's just that it's our first party together so...
35649 7 8 Viewing Party 5411 Michael MMM MMM MM MM MM! Did you hear what I said? I'm a very busy man. I don't have time for your TV show.
35650 7 8 Viewing Party 5411 Erin Okay, sorry.
35651 7 8 Viewing Party 5411 Michael I'm joking.
35652 7 8 Viewing Party 5411 Erin Wait which one?
35653 7 8 Viewing Party 5411 Michael I'm joking. I'm kidding around! I'm not actually angry. I'm not busy at all, I'm not doing anything. And I know what Glee is, I'm a total Gleek.
35654 7 8 Viewing Party 5411 Erin Good me too!
35655 7 8 Viewing Party 5411 Michael You know who my favorite character is? The invalid. I am coming to your party.
35656 7 8 Viewing Party 5412 Erin I don't know if Michael likes Gabe that much, but there's this thing on Glee called mash-up, where two things that don't go together, make one great song. Take Gabe, take Michael, you make Gay Mike. Best friends.
35657 7 8 Viewing Party 5413 Kelly No really? Is there time to change this?! That show! Now first they say that Mr. Schu doesn't know anything about choreography, then like three episodes later he's this fantastic choreographer?! Pick a lane people!
35658 7 8 Viewing Party 5414 Kelly And what was with Jesse's sudden turn on Rachel, between Dream-On and Funk. Where the heck did that come from?! Honestly that show, it's just. It's irresponsible.
35659 7 8 Viewing Party 5415 Angela Are you going?
35660 7 8 Viewing Party 5415 Dwight Not because I want to. With all the feeling to base a show around. Glee? Thirst. Now that's a show I'd watch.
35661 7 8 Viewing Party 5415 Angela I would watch that.
35662 7 8 Viewing Party 5415 Dwight Tonight might be a convenient night for us to have some intercourse.
35663 7 8 Viewing Party 5416 Andy You're having a party at Gabe's apartment?
35664 7 8 Viewing Party 5416 Erin Mhmm! I'd love it if you were there.
35665 7 8 Viewing Party 5416 Andy You would?
35666 7 8 Viewing Party 5416 Erin You and Michael are always the life of the party!
35667 7 8 Viewing Party 5416 Andy Try and keep me from coming!
35668 7 8 Viewing Party 5416 Erin Why would I keep you from coming?
35669 7 8 Viewing Party 5416 Andy Try and hide it, I will track this party down!
35670 7 8 Viewing Party 5416 Erin Why would I hide it!
35671 7 8 Viewing Party 5417 Michael Kevin!
35672 7 8 Viewing Party 5417 Kevin Hey, you going tonight?
35673 7 8 Viewing Party 5417 Michael Yes, I am. Are you?
35674 7 8 Viewing Party 5417 Kevin Yeah! You gotta go to the boss's party!
35675 7 8 Viewing Party 5417 Michael What? No Gabe is... Gabe is not the boss.
35676 7 8 Viewing Party 5417 Kevin No he's not the boss.
35677 7 8 Viewing Party 5417 Michael Why did you just say he was the boss?
35678 7 8 Viewing Party 5417 Kevin 'Cause, you're the boss!
35679 7 8 Viewing Party 5417 Michael Yeeee... Guys! Do you consider Gabe to be the boss?
35680 7 8 Viewing Party 5418 Erin It's make your own pizza night. Isn't Gabe's place so nice?
35681 7 8 Viewing Party 5418 Michael Uh huh...
35682 7 8 Viewing Party 5418 Erin Look at the size of those wine glasses Michael!
35683 7 8 Viewing Party 5418 Michael Big...
35684 7 8 Viewing Party 5418 Erin Those posters used to be real French ads.
35685 7 8 Viewing Party 5418 Michael All right!
35686 7 8 Viewing Party 5419 Gabe So these are your cheeses, your ham, your sausages, your herbs, and your vegetables. Here's what's been done, so start creating. Some times it helps to think of a part of the world, and...
35687 7 8 Viewing Party 5419 Michael Okay okay okay.
35688 7 8 Viewing Party 5420 Michael Gabe likes to entertain a lot, ad he cooks in an oven, and all that jazz. I just have a different life style. They have these bags of vegetables that steam right inside their own bag. So I'll get a few ingredients, sit down in front of the TV, a bag of vegetables, before you know it I'm ready for bed!
35689 7 8 Viewing Party 5421 Gabe You don't really toss the dough.
35690 7 8 Viewing Party 5421 Michael Try and destroy the old ways, Gabe, well I will not let you.
35691 7 8 Viewing Party 5422 Gabe Welcome to my Man Cave! I did my senior year in prog in Japan. Best year of my life.
35692 7 8 Viewing Party 5422 Jim You play?
35693 7 8 Viewing Party 5422 Gabe Oh! I like to play soundscapes. I imagine one instant of a song, expanded to be the size of the universe.
35694 7 8 Viewing Party 5422 Jim You can't even do that.
35695 7 8 Viewing Party 5422 Pam She's up! Great!
35696 7 8 Viewing Party 5423 Pam Cece, is reverse cycling, which means she sleeps all day and is up all night. Which basically means I'm up all day and I'm up all night. And if it doesn't stop soon, I am going to be up all night.
35697 7 8 Viewing Party 5424 Erin The show's starting. The show's starting! The show's starting! Show's starting!
35698 7 8 Viewing Party 5424 Phyllis Who's that?
35699 7 8 Viewing Party 5424 Kelly Finn.
35700 7 8 Viewing Party 5424 Phyllis Who's that?
35701 7 8 Viewing Party 5424 Kelly Rachel.
35702 7 8 Viewing Party 5424 Phyllis Which one's Glee?
35703 7 8 Viewing Party 5424 Kelly You have to stop.
35704 7 8 Viewing Party 5424 Michael Where's Michael? Where's Michael? We can't start without Michael! Oh here he is! Ohhhh. Yayyy, and let the show begin!
35705 7 8 Viewing Party 5424 Gabe It's a little loud...
35706 7 8 Viewing Party 5424 Michael Actually I think it's not loud enough. May I? Thank you sah! There we go. Glee right? Rock and roll! Turn it up to elevaan! Spinal Cord!
35707 7 8 Viewing Party 5424 Gabe Some of us are trying to have a conversation.
35708 7 8 Viewing Party 5424 Michael Well some of us are trying to have a...
35709 7 8 Viewing Party 5424 Gabe I'll just turn the captions on.
35710 7 8 Viewing Party 5424 Michael Well I will turn up the volume.
35711 7 8 Viewing Party 5424 Gabe That's for the other box.
35712 7 8 Viewing Party 5424 Michael Okay... Heeeere's what we're gonna do! Right down the hall is a bed room. All the real Glee fans are gonna go down the hall to the real Glee party in the bedroom, follow me! Where we can crank it!
35713 7 8 Viewing Party 5425 Oscar That one! She's been in a couple episodes of Friday Night...
35714 7 8 Viewing Party 5425 Kelly You know what? I'm so confused. Is this a Glee watching party? Or a Glee pausing party? 'Cause we keep stopping it, to get a history lesson from...
35715 7 8 Viewing Party 5425 Oscar You know what? I didn't read the rules, I didn't know the rules. There, it's on. I didn't read the rule book.
35716 7 8 Viewing Party 5426 Pam Michael? Maybe you should try gong in the other room again. You can have my seat. It's closer to the TV. It'll seem louder.
35717 7 8 Viewing Party 5426 Michael Pam I have a loaded gun in my desk at work. If I ever start acting like that weenie Gabe I want you to take that gun, and I want you to shoot me like a hundred times in the groin until I'm dead. Okay?
35718 7 8 Viewing Party 5426 Pam You have a gun in your desk?
35719 7 8 Viewing Party 5427 Ryan Hey! Marantz Tubes Sterio. From the 1970's. I respect that. I respect that a lot. Oh hoho. The five Chinese Berilidy Herbs. No kidding. This is powdered seahorse. They say that fifteen Chinese soldiers fought off the entire army of Gangus Kong just using this stuff. You know what they say...
35720 7 8 Viewing Party 5427 Andy No what?
35721 7 8 Viewing Party 5427 Ryan What is this, Samurai wood cuts? Yep. Pretty erotic.
35722 7 8 Viewing Party 5427 Andy Yeah.
35723 7 8 Viewing Party 5428 Michael Better men than Gabe have tried to be my boss. David got fired. Charles got fired. Jan went crazy. Ed Truck, who I liked, got decapitated.
35724 7 8 Viewing Party 5428 Dwight Michael, I find it absolutely disgraceful that no one followed you in here for your walk-out. I took the liberty of making a list of everyone who didn't follow you in here. Jim. Oscar. Creed. Me, at first.
35725 7 8 Viewing Party 5428 Pam Maybe I should go.
35726 7 8 Viewing Party 5428 Dwight Kelly. Kev- Are you gonna quiet that baby? Or do I have to? In the Schrute family, the youngest child always raises the others. I've been raising children since I was a baby.
35727 7 8 Viewing Party 5429 Daryl Take a shot.
35728 7 8 Viewing Party 5429 Andy Oh thanks.
35729 7 8 Viewing Party 5429 Daryl Wow, so much Asia stuff. I wonder if there's a guy in China right now, looking at a bunch of our stuff.
35730 7 8 Viewing Party 5429 Andy Why does Erin like Gabe?
35731 7 8 Viewing Party 5429 Daryl Andy look, all I know is that if I was a girl, and I had to choose between the tall dude who loved Asia, and the you looking dude who loves sweaters and wearing sweaters... I'd choose you.
35732 7 8 Viewing Party 5429 Andy That's really nice, thank you.
35733 7 8 Viewing Party 5429 Daryl And I'd blow your mind.
35734 7 8 Viewing Party 5430 Oscar Jim what are you doing?
35735 7 8 Viewing Party 5430 Jim Oh, it was commercial break so I just wanted to check the scores.
35736 7 8 Viewing Party 5430 Oscar Flip it back please.
35737 7 8 Viewing Party 5430 Jim Okay...
35738 7 8 Viewing Party 5430 Kelly The show's back on, what happened?
35739 7 8 Viewing Party 5430 Ryan We're behind.
35740 7 8 Viewing Party 5430 Oscar Go to the recorded version.
35741 7 8 Viewing Party 5430 Kelly Oh my God what song was that?
35742 7 8 Viewing Party 5430 Erin I wasn't recording it.
35743 7 8 Viewing Party 5430 Oscar What?!
35744 7 8 Viewing Party 5430 Kelly What song was it?
35745 7 8 Viewing Party 5430 Erin Wait, why do you have to record it?
35746 7 8 Viewing Party 5430 Oscar This is why Erin! We're living it! Start recording now!
35747 7 8 Viewing Party 5430 Erin Jim.
35748 7 8 Viewing Party 5430 Kelly Okay, they did Blinded by the Light and they did it with an actual blind guy. Was it worth it Jim? 'Cause we missed it!
35749 7 8 Viewing Party 5431 Pam If I could get her sleeping normally I could get my life back.
35750 7 8 Viewing Party 5431 Dwight That would be nice wouldn't it?
35751 7 8 Viewing Party 5431 Pam I can't even talk about it.
35752 7 8 Viewing Party 5431 Dwight You know it's not really necessary for me to sit here holding her all night. Just go into Gabe's refrigerator, get a lump of suit, or any kind of congealed animal fat will do rally, tie a piece of string to it and the other end to her toe, put the suit in her mouth, she'll be happy for hours.
35753 7 8 Viewing Party 5431 Pam I kind of doubt Gabe has suit.
35754 7 8 Viewing Party 5431 Dwight Really? Oh... Then here we are.
35755 7 8 Viewing Party 5431 Erin Michael. Gabe is making the pigs in a blanket, and he kind of needs some help so, he was wondering if you could help him.
35756 7 8 Viewing Party 5432 Andy Ladies and gentlemen please welcome, Phyllis Vance! Isn't that White Diamonds Maya Smith Taylor?
35757 7 8 Viewing Party 5432 Phyllis You know your perfumes!
35758 7 8 Viewing Party 5432 Andy My nanny used to wear that.
35759 7 8 Viewing Party 5433 Andy I just ate powdered seahorse! I have to admit I did not think it was gonna work, but it is totally working! I feel exactly like a seahorse! Blub blub blub blub blub blub blub blub.
35760 7 8 Viewing Party 5434 Erin Look who I found!
35761 7 8 Viewing Party 5434 Michael Yeah, well I wasn't very hard to find.
35762 7 8 Viewing Party 5434 Gabe Let's go ahead and wash our hands.
35763 7 8 Viewing Party 5434 Michael Is this the same dough you used for the pizza crust?
35764 7 8 Viewing Party 5434 Gabe Yep! Waste not right?
35765 7 8 Viewing Party 5434 Michael So these are pizza dogs, they aren't pigs in a blanket per se.
35766 7 8 Viewing Party 5434 Erin Michael knows everything there is to know about snacks,
35767 7 8 Viewing Party 5434 Michael Well...
35768 7 8 Viewing Party 5434 Erin Gabe was born in 1982. He was the longest baby in the hospital.
35769 7 8 Viewing Party 5434 Michael He's the longest baby in this room.
35770 7 8 Viewing Party 5434 Erin What's the longest thing you've ever seen? For me it was the tale from Jets.
35771 7 8 Viewing Party 5434 Gabe Erin you don't have to...
35772 7 8 Viewing Party 5434 Michael You know what Erin you do have to.
35773 7 8 Viewing Party 5434 Gabe Michael! You are making this harder than it has to be.
35774 7 8 Viewing Party 5434 Michael That's what she said.
35775 7 8 Viewing Party 5435 Jim Hey.
35776 7 8 Viewing Party 5435 Pam It's a miracle. She loves him.
35777 7 8 Viewing Party 5435 Jim I don't know about, love...
35778 7 8 Viewing Party 5435 Dwight She loves me.
35779 7 8 Viewing Party 5435 Angela Outside my car in two minutes.
35780 7 8 Viewing Party 5435 Dwight Well something's come up, I have to go.
35781 7 8 Viewing Party 5435 Pam No no no no no! She'll wake up!
35782 7 8 Viewing Party 5435 Dwight I have something to do.
35783 7 8 Viewing Party 5435 Pam Look, I know what you have to do, please stay with Cece. Dwight? I've always considered for us to be very good friends. Great friends! Remember your concussion?
35784 7 8 Viewing Party 5435 Dwight I do. But you married my worst enemy.
35785 7 8 Viewing Party 5435 Jim Well I think enemy's a strong word. 'Cause I think we have a really charming back and forth. And-
35786 7 8 Viewing Party 5435 Dwight Enough. I will require beer and pizza to think this over.
35787 7 8 Viewing Party 5435 Pam Absolutely!
35788 7 8 Viewing Party 5435 Dwight From Jim.
35789 7 8 Viewing Party 5435 Jim I don't think that's gonna...
35790 7 8 Viewing Party 5435 Pam Do it!
35791 7 8 Viewing Party 5435 Jim What kind of pizza would you like?
35792 7 8 Viewing Party 5435 Dwight Surprise me. No! Pepperoni.
35793 7 8 Viewing Party 5436 Michael Okay... Alright.
35794 7 8 Viewing Party 5437 TV And the winner is, by two votes-
35795 7 8 Viewing Party 5437 Kelly Ahhh! What's going on?!?!
35796 7 8 Viewing Party 5438 Andy Hey Creed, would you read Chinese?
35797 7 8 Viewing Party 5438 Creed Beleniege!
35798 7 8 Viewing Party 5438 Andy What does this say?
35799 7 8 Viewing Party 5438 Creed HI mahhhh. Boo yowww. Gunjo! Ooh uncow!
35800 7 8 Viewing Party 5438 Andy Hello UPS! Still waiting on that five minutes with Erin order. Oh never mind it's here. Oh if it isn't the bell of the ball! You throw a lovely party ma lady...
35801 7 8 Viewing Party 5438 Erin Are you having a good time?
35802 7 8 Viewing Party 5438 Andy Did you wear my favorite outfit on purpose?
35803 7 8 Viewing Party 5438 Erin Andy you look awful!
35804 7 8 Viewing Party 5438 Andy You're four seasons in a day. You... got the Autumn thing going on. But if you put on ba- Put if you put on a blue... It's Spring Time in the Rockies!
35805 7 8 Viewing Party 5438 Erin Are you alright?
35806 7 8 Viewing Party 5438 Andy No!
35807 7 8 Viewing Party 5439 Dwight Insert it in my mouth.
35808 7 8 Viewing Party 5439 Jim That's not gonna make your pizza eating experience any better. Trust me.
35809 7 8 Viewing Party 5439 Dwight No, try me.
35810 7 8 Viewing Party 5439 Pam Jim, just don't think of it as degrading. Think of it as, you happen to be moving the six inches his way and he happens to be biting it.
35811 7 8 Viewing Party 5439 Dwight I'd prefer for him to think of it as degrading.
35812 7 8 Viewing Party 5439 Jim Okay...
35813 7 8 Viewing Party 5439 Dwight No. Crust first. Okay, now the beer. Beer me Jim. Ssss. Gentle. Now I've gotta go meet Angela.
35814 7 8 Viewing Party 5439 Pam What no, wait! You said you were gonna help us!
35815 7 8 Viewing Party 5439 Dwight I have a legal obligation to Angela. Okay, she needs to be serviced.
35816 7 8 Viewing Party 5439 Jim You need to stop talking.
35817 7 8 Viewing Party 5439 Dwight Oh come on, stop the fake prissy act. We're in the real world. s*x contracts exist!
35818 7 8 Viewing Party 5439 Pam Okay fine! There must be some way to get out of it. Even just for tonight!
35819 7 8 Viewing Party 5439 Dwight Yeah sure, Jim could go see her.
35820 7 8 Viewing Party 5439 Jim Okay...
35821 7 8 Viewing Party 5439 Dwight You ever been with the blondes before? It's the big leagues.
35822 7 8 Viewing Party 5439 Jim I'm going home, and I'm taking my baby with me.
35823 7 8 Viewing Party 5439 Pam No no no, don't. I will go talk to Angela.
35824 7 8 Viewing Party 5439 Dwight She's in heat. She will eat your face off!
35825 7 8 Viewing Party 5439 Pam The reverse cycling ends tonight!
35826 7 8 Viewing Party 5439 Dwight A single piece of pepperoni please.
35827 7 8 Viewing Party 5439 Jim I'm not gonna-
35828 7 8 Viewing Party 5439 Dwight What are you doing?
35829 7 8 Viewing Party 5439 Kevin I wanted to eat a pig in a blanket, in a blanket!
35830 7 8 Viewing Party 5440 Andy Puts pillow in front of the puke.
35831 7 8 Viewing Party 5440 Phyllis Are you alright?
35832 7 8 Viewing Party 5440 Andy Erin likes Gabe.
35833 7 8 Viewing Party 5440 Phyllis I know. I thought you two were nice together.
35834 7 8 Viewing Party 5440 Andy Do you think that they've ever...
35835 7 8 Viewing Party 5440 Phyllis Made love? I don't know.
35836 7 8 Viewing Party 5440 Andy Well girls tell each other things right?
35837 7 8 Viewing Party 5440 Phyllis I'll see what I can find out.
35838 7 8 Viewing Party 5441 Daryl Where you been?
35839 7 8 Viewing Party 5441 Michael I just went out for a walk.
35840 7 8 Viewing Party 5441 Daryl Cable's out.
35841 7 8 Viewing Party 5441 Michael What? Really? That stinks!
35842 7 8 Viewing Party 5441 Gabe It's still on upstairs.
35843 7 8 Viewing Party 5441 Michael What does that mean? Party's over? Everybody leaves? Are you sure?
35844 7 8 Viewing Party 5441 Creed Hey! Puck and Finn worked it out, and the solo is now a duet.
35845 7 8 Viewing Party 5441 Michael Are you kidding me?
35846 7 8 Viewing Party 5441 Creed No.
35847 7 8 Viewing Party 5441 Michael Now that's going on?
35848 7 8 Viewing Party 5441 Kevin I can't believe we're missing that!
35849 7 8 Viewing Party 5441 Michael Boy I wish I could see that. You know what? I have an idea. I don't know if it's gonna work, but let me give it this. Okay, I'm gonna give it shot.
35850 7 8 Viewing Party 5441 Kevin Please Michael, just make the Glee happen!
35851 7 8 Viewing Party 5441 Kelly Good luck Michael!
35852 7 8 Viewing Party 5442 Phyllis Erin! Uhm, so how long have you two been going out now?
35853 7 8 Viewing Party 5442 Erin Oh, uhm, like three months.
35854 7 8 Viewing Party 5442 Phyllis And I imagine things are starting to heat up?
35855 7 8 Viewing Party 5442 Erin I don't know.
35856 7 8 Viewing Party 5442 Phyllis Of course you don't wanna rush things! I mean the anticipation can be so exquisite. Bob and I took our time. The first time we saw each other naked we didn't even make love, we just stared at each other until we fell asleep. It was magical.
35857 7 8 Viewing Party 5442 Erin I have to go Phyllis.
35858 7 8 Viewing Party 5442 Phyllis Magical...
35859 7 8 Viewing Party 5443 Pam Hey in there. It's Pam. It's not Dwight! Don't think it's Dwight!
35860 7 8 Viewing Party 5443 Angela What are you doing here?
35861 7 8 Viewing Party 5443 Pam I know you and Dwight have this weird deal, uhm, he sent me out here to see if you could postpone.
35862 7 8 Viewing Party 5443 Angela Are you authorized to do this?
35863 7 8 Viewing Party 5443 Pam Yes! I have been so authorized.
35864 7 8 Viewing Party 5443 Angela Ok, uhm, then tell him that we'll do this tomorrow night instead.
35865 7 8 Viewing Party 5443 Pam Okay.
35866 7 8 Viewing Party 5443 Angela Wait Pam! How did he seem? Like, you know, did he seem disappointed?
35867 7 8 Viewing Party 5443 Pam You know, there are a lot of guys out there who would just love and appreciate a-
35868 7 8 Viewing Party 5443 Angela You know what Pam just save it.
35869 7 8 Viewing Party 5444 Erin You did this?
35870 7 8 Viewing Party 5444 Michael No I was just check- Yeah. Yes I did, yeah yeah.
35871 7 8 Viewing Party 5444 Erin Why don't you like him?
35872 7 8 Viewing Party 5444 Michael What is there to like? He's just, he's a weird little skeevy guy with no waist, why do you care whether we like him or not?
35873 7 8 Viewing Party 5444 Michael Why? I'm not your father. All right.
35874 7 8 Viewing Party 5444 Erin Okay...
35875 7 8 Viewing Party 5444 Michael Go to your room.
35876 7 8 Viewing Party 5444 Erin What?
35877 7 8 Viewing Party 5444 Michael Go to your room young lady!
35878 7 8 Viewing Party 5444 Erin Uhm, I'm not going to my room.
35879 7 8 Viewing Party 5444 Michael As long as you are living under this roof you are going to do what I say.
35880 7 8 Viewing Party 5444 Erin I hate your roof!
35881 7 8 Viewing Party 5444 Michael Oh do not raise your voice to me!
35882 7 8 Viewing Party 5444 Erin I'll raise it how I want! I'll raise the roof!
35883 7 8 Viewing Party 5444 Michael Gahh, I will pull this car over!
35884 7 8 Viewing Party 5444 Erin I hate it! I hate your car!
35885 7 8 Viewing Party 5445 Gabe See ya Oscar!
35886 7 8 Viewing Party 5445 Michael If you break that girl's heart, I will kill you. It's just a figure of speech. But seriously, if you break that girl's heart I will literally kill you and your entire family.
35887 7 8 Viewing Party 5446 Michael Gabe, just go and have fun with Erin. But not too much fun! That girl's gonna turn my hair gray.
35888 7 8 Viewing Party 5447 Gabe What happened?
35889 7 8 Viewing Party 5447 Andy I accidentally ate some seahorses.
35890 7 8 Viewing Party 5447 Gabe How much?
35891 7 8 Viewing Party 5447 Andy I didn't know it's powdered, so like four or five, I don't know.
35892 7 8 Viewing Party 5447 Gabe I've got just the thing! This one's called Earth Rise, on the Moon.
35893 7 8 Viewing Party 5447 Andy That's so beautiful.
35894 7 9 WUPHF.com 5448 Dwight Uh-Oh. Okay, okay, nobody panic. Listen Up, listen up. Everyone, follow me to the shelter. We've got enough food for 14 days. After that, we have a difficult conversation.
35895 7 9 WUPHF.com 5448 Michael My Bad. Space Heater and Fan were both on high, plugged into the same outlet.
35896 7 9 WUPHF.com 5448 Jim Uh, it's saying the server went down? Does Anybody know that password? 'Cause otherwise we can't do any work.
35897 7 9 WUPHF.com 5448 Michael Uh... try "password".
35898 7 9 WUPHF.com 5448 Jim Nope.
35899 7 9 WUPHF.com 5448 Dwight Try zero, Zero, Zero, Zero, zero, zero.
35900 7 9 WUPHF.com 5448 Jim No.
35901 7 9 WUPHF.com 5448 Dwight Okay, now try Zero, Zero, Zero, Zero, zero, one.
35902 7 9 WUPHF.com 5448 Jim Okay, I'm not doing every number.
35903 7 9 WUPHF.com 5448 Pam Wait, um, does anyone remember when it was set up?
35904 7 9 WUPHF.com 5448 Michael Uh... it was like eight years ago?
35905 7 9 WUPHF.com 5448 Pam Lord of the Ring stuff? I don't know, I'm just trying to think of things that were happening at the time.
35906 7 9 WUPHF.com 5448 Erin Um, everyone was getting their driver's license.
35907 7 9 WUPHF.com 5448 Jim Why don't we just call the I.T. Guy who set it up? What's the name of the guy in Glasses, again?
35908 7 9 WUPHF.com 5448 Michael Okay, moving backwards, our I.T. Guys have been... Glasses, Turban, Ear Hair, Fatty 3, Shorts, Fatty 2, Lozenge, and Fatso. I think Lozenge was the one who installed it.
35909 7 9 WUPHF.com 5448 Andy I got it, try, um--
35910 7 9 WUPHF.com 5448 Michael You know what? It made me laugh when I heard it, but Pam got really offended.
35911 7 9 WUPHF.com 5448 Kevin Big Boobs.
35912 7 9 WUPHF.com 5448 Meridith Drama Queen?
35913 7 9 WUPHF.com 5448 Angela Nosy?
35914 7 9 WUPHF.com 5448 Pam You're typing "Big Boobs"?
35915 7 9 WUPHF.com 5448 Jim I'm trying everything.
35916 7 9 WUPHF.com 5448 Dwight Try "Big Boobs" with a "Z".
35917 7 9 WUPHF.com 5448 Jim That's-- the password. We're in.
35918 7 9 WUPHF.com 5448 Dwight All Right
35919 7 9 WUPHF.com 5448 Kevin Wow.
35920 7 9 WUPHF.com 5448 Dwight Yes.
35921 7 9 WUPHF.com 5448 Michael The important thing is... this kept us secure people.
35922 7 9 WUPHF.com 5449 Michael Morning.
35923 7 9 WUPHF.com 5449 Ryan How's It Going?
35924 7 9 WUPHF.com 5450 Ryan Hey, I'm WUPHF.
35925 7 9 WUPHF.com 5450 Michael I'm Facebook.
35926 7 9 WUPHF.com 5450 Ryan What's up Facebook?
35927 7 9 WUPHF.com 5450 Michael I sent you a Facebook message yesterday, I still haven't heard anything back.
35928 7 9 WUPHF.com 5450 Ryan You should've sent me a WUPHF.
35929 7 9 WUPHF.com 5450 Michael A what?
35930 7 9 WUPHF.com 5450 Ryan When you send a WUPHF, it goes to your home phone, Email, Facebook, Twitter and homescreen. All at the same time.
35931 7 9 WUPHF.com 5450 Robotic Voice WUPHF.
35932 7 9 WUPHF.com 5450 Ryan, Michael WUPHF!
35933 7 9 WUPHF.com 5450 Michael Dot com!
35934 7 9 WUPHF.com 5451 Ryan Thanks Erin.
35935 7 9 WUPHF.com 5451 Erin Sure.
35936 7 9 WUPHF.com 5451 Erin Pam.
35937 7 9 WUPHF.com 5451 Pam Mm-Hmm?
35938 7 9 WUPHF.com 5451 Erin I don't wanna be a lousy snitch.
35939 7 9 WUPHF.com 5451 Pam Okay.
35940 7 9 WUPHF.com 5451 Erin Ryan has been using the color printer for his business a lot, and as Office Administrator--
35941 7 9 WUPHF.com 5451 Pam Oh, it's okay.
35942 7 9 WUPHF.com 5451 Erin But it's not for--
35943 7 9 WUPHF.com 5451 Pam Let it go.
35944 7 9 WUPHF.com 5452 Pam Yes, I invested in WUPHF. It's actually a great idea and I can't believe it didn't exist before. And I know Ryan's kind of a sketchy guy, but hey, I married Jim. I've done my part for the nice guy. Now I want a bedroom set.
35945 7 9 WUPHF.com 5453 Michael I think an investor's ski trip is the best idea. It will be a bonding experience.
35946 7 9 WUPHF.com 5453 Ryan I love it.
35947 7 9 WUPHF.com 5453 Michael I was looking at a trail map, and I was thinking that we should start on a bunny hill, because I've never actually been skiing. And then work our way up to death drop.
35948 7 9 WUPHF.com 5453 Ryan Great, so we got our first offer to buy the company.
35949 7 9 WUPHF.com 5453 Michael Your kidding?!
35950 7 9 WUPHF.com 5453 Ryan We could sell, but why think so small? We can just get a couple more people involved, really do this thing our way.
35951 7 9 WUPHF.com 5453 Michael You and me.
35952 7 9 WUPHF.com 5453 Ryan New Investors are key, though. That's actually why I came in today.
35953 7 9 WUPHF.com 5453 Michael Don't you work here full-time?
35954 7 9 WUPHF.com 5453 Ryan Today, I was thinking I would sit down with a few of the people who haven't invested yet.
35955 7 9 WUPHF.com 5453 Michael Mm-Hmm.
35956 7 9 WUPHF.com 5453 Ryan Or we could do that together, if that sounds fun to you.
35957 7 9 WUPHF.com 5453 Michael That does sound fun to me.
35958 7 9 WUPHF.com 5453 Ryan Awesome.
35959 7 9 WUPHF.com 5454 Dwight Ah, this is good hay. Yeah. This is the good stuff, mattress quality.
35960 7 9 WUPHF.com 5454 Dwight Every fall, my Uncle Eldred used to build us a maze out of hay bales for us kids to play in. We called it "Hay Place". Eldred Called it "Hay World". Eventually lawyers were brought in. But that's all behind us. Hay Place lives on! Watch it, watch it.
35961 7 9 WUPHF.com 5455 Dwight Hello! Welcome to Hay Place! A place for hay.
35962 7 9 WUPHF.com 5455 Guy Don't forget to make a broom.
35963 7 9 WUPHF.com 5455 Dwight Oh, and the Petting Zoo closes at 2:00, and the Goat Roast is at 3:00. Come on in, enjoy!
35964 7 9 WUPHF.com 5455 Angela Hey, I'm kind of in the mood for a roll in the hay.
35965 7 9 WUPHF.com 5455 Dwight Roll in the hay, five dollars.
35966 7 9 WUPHF.com 5455 Angela No, I meant...
35967 7 9 WUPHF.com 5455 Dwight Oh, our contract.
35968 7 9 WUPHF.com 5455 Angela Mm-Hmm.
35969 7 9 WUPHF.com 5455 Dwight Yes, why don't we meet at the usual spot. Uh... I've got a half an hour during lunch in-between the historical reenactment of the dunmore farm slaughters and the onion boil.
35970 7 9 WUPHF.com 5455 Angela Perfect!
35971 7 9 WUPHF.com 5455 Dwight So, uh... Excuse me, get off of there! Those are show bales, not play bales.
35972 7 9 WUPHF.com 5456 Jim All right, Thank you, I will--I will send the contracts over right away. All Right. Whoo!
35973 7 9 WUPHF.com 5457 Jim I am on the first hot sale streak of my life. I think it all comes from feeding Cece, because no matter how much she resists, I sell her those carrots. Let's be honest--if I can make mushed carrots seem better than a boob... I can pretty much sell anything.
35974 7 9 WUPHF.com 5458 Kevin Commission comes out to... dunh-duh-na-dah! Zero.
35975 7 9 WUPHF.com 5458 Jim Mm-Kay, Well, it can't be zero, Kev.
35976 7 9 WUPHF.com 5458 Kevin I entered the sale, and I hit enter, and I said, "dunh-duh-na-dah!" I'm pretty sure I timesed it right.
35977 7 9 WUPHF.com 5458 Angela You met your commission cap last week. So from here until the end of the fiscal year, your commission will be zero.
35978 7 9 WUPHF.com 5458 Jim What are you talking about? We--we have a commission cap?
35979 7 9 WUPHF.com 5458 Angela It's a new corporate policy.
35980 7 9 WUPHF.com 5458 Kevin Dunh-duh-na-dah!
35981 7 9 WUPHF.com 5459 Gabe Is this job really about the money for you, Jim? I mean, isn't this where you fell in love?
35982 7 9 WUPHF.com 5459 Jim A commission cap takes away my incentive to sell. So you realize I now have no reason to work, right?
35983 7 9 WUPHF.com 5459 Gabe When you're dealing with a large organization, sometimes you have to put up with policies you don't like. I wish my gym didn't allow full nudity in the locker room. Okay, seeing these old guys walking around naked feels almost passive-aggressive. But I deal with it. 'Cause it's policy. See what I mean?
35984 7 9 WUPHF.com 5459 Jim Nope.
35985 7 9 WUPHF.com 5459 Gabe Nudity makes me uncomfortable.
35986 7 9 WUPHF.com 5459 Jim Okay.
35987 7 9 WUPHF.com 5459 Gabe My gym allows it. I wish they didn't, but it's policy. So I respect it, and I just-- keep a low--you know, I look away. Think about your commission cap as a naked old man in a gym locker room.
35988 7 9 WUPHF.com 5460 Michael Excuse me, everyone... s*x! Now that I have your attention...
35989 7 9 WUPHF.com 5460 Stanley You don't have our attention.
35990 7 9 WUPHF.com 5460 Michael MONEY!
35991 7 9 WUPHF.com 5460 Stanley I'm listening.
35992 7 9 WUPHF.com 5460 Kevin You had me at "s*x."
35993 7 9 WUPHF.com 5460 Michael Pervert.
35994 7 9 WUPHF.com 5460 Phyllis You have all of our attention just by screaming anything.
35995 7 9 WUPHF.com 5460 Michael That's good to know.
35996 7 9 WUPHF.com 5460 Pam What do you want to say, Michael?
35997 7 9 WUPHF.com 5460 Michael Wuphf! All right, I've warmed them up for you. You have the floor, Ryan.
35998 7 9 WUPHF.com 5460 Ryan How's everybody doing?!
35999 7 9 WUPHF.com 5460 Michael Whoo!
36000 7 9 WUPHF.com 5460 Ryan Good! Now, a lot of you have already staked out your corner of the WUPHF empire. Raise your hand if I'm describing you.
36001 7 9 WUPHF.com 5461 Stanley Yes, I have a dream. And It's not some M.L.K. Dream for Equality. I want to own a decommissioned Lighthouse. And I want to live at the top. And nobody knows I live there. And there's a button that I can press, and it'll launch that lighthouse into space.
36002 7 9 WUPHF.com 5462 Ryan For my current investors, things are going great.
36003 7 9 WUPHF.com 5462 Michael We already have a buyer.
36004 7 9 WUPHF.com 5462 Pam Really?! Who?!
36005 7 9 WUPHF.com 5462 Ryan Washington University. I don't even want to think about selling until our numbers get into the billions.
36006 7 9 WUPHF.com 5462 Michael At least.
36007 7 9 WUPHF.com 5462 Ryan So I've decided to open up a second round of investment to friends and family.
36008 7 9 WUPHF.com 5462 Phyllis Oh, God. Hold on to your wallets, ladies.
36009 7 9 WUPHF.com 5463 Oscar Did you ever think of WUPHF as an emergency notification system, like, for college campuses with shooters or gas leaks?
36010 7 9 WUPHF.com 5463 Ryan No, no--Oscar, it's not--it's not a digital rape whistle. WUPHF is about fun.
36011 7 9 WUPHF.com 5463 Michael That's right!
36012 7 9 WUPHF.com 5463 Ryan Fun, communication, connection.
36013 7 9 WUPHF.com 5463 Oscar What's your money situation?
36014 7 9 WUPHF.com 5463 Ryan Well, it's tight, as with any start-up.
36015 7 9 WUPHF.com 5463 Oscar Sure, how long can you sustain this without a cash infusion?
36016 7 9 WUPHF.com 5463 Ryan We have nine solid days. I love these questions. Keep 'em coming.
36017 7 9 WUPHF.com 5463 Andy I'm sorry, nine days until what?
36018 7 9 WUPHF.com 5463 Oscar Bankruptcy?
36019 7 9 WUPHF.com 5463 Michael Wait, Ryan, so this could be over by the weekend?
36020 7 9 WUPHF.com 5463 Oscar How long do you think a week is?
36021 7 9 WUPHF.com 5463 Michael No, not this weekend; next weekend. We were gonna go on the investors ski trip. I bought poles.
36022 7 9 WUPHF.com 5464 Jim Well, since I have no incentive to sell, I've cleaned my car, organized my desk, and taken a multivitamin. So... what now?
36023 7 9 WUPHF.com 5465 Jim Pam. Okay, now I've tried everything.
36024 7 9 WUPHF.com 5465 Pam Did you prank Dwight?
36025 7 9 WUPHF.com 5465 Jim No.
36026 7 9 WUPHF.com 5465 Pam Well, you like that.
36027 7 9 WUPHF.com 5465 Jim Yeah, it's not as fun if I'm not blowing off work.
36028 7 9 WUPHF.com 5465 Pam I love you, but I'm kinda busy. So I need you to figure this one out on your own.
36029 7 9 WUPHF.com 5466 Pam Oscar said WUPHF only has enough money for nine days.
36030 7 9 WUPHF.com 5466 Ryan Check this out.
36031 7 9 WUPHF.com 5466 Erin All that color.
36032 7 9 WUPHF.com 5466 Michael Look at that. Triple your investment by January.
36033 7 9 WUPHF.com 5466 Andy Anyone can just throw numbes up on a chart. What are you doing to make it happen?
36034 7 9 WUPHF.com 5466 Ryan Well, earlier today, I was emailing someone by the name of John Legend.
36035 7 9 WUPHF.com 5466 Michael There you go.
36036 7 9 WUPHF.com 5466 Andy You have his email?
36037 7 9 WUPHF.com 5466 Ryan A lot of these guys are just Mac.com, @ their website, whatever. We get that guy WUPHFing, it's all over.
36038 7 9 WUPHF.com 5466 Stanley I want my money back.
36039 7 9 WUPHF.com 5466 Michael Do not talk like that, Stanley.
36040 7 9 WUPHF.com 5466 Pam Ryan, just tell us your plan.
36041 7 9 WUPHF.com 5466 Ryan Okay, all right. I know what you wanna see. I'll be right back.
36042 7 9 WUPHF.com 5467 Dwight Hey kids, was that fun?
36043 7 9 WUPHF.com 5467 Kids Yeah!
36044 7 9 WUPHF.com 5467 Dwight All Right!
36045 7 9 WUPHF.com 5467 Kid I wanna go on it again.
36046 7 9 WUPHF.com 5467 Dwight Oh, I bet you do. You know what? When I was a little kid, they couldn't get me off the hayride! But it's gonna cost you three more bucks.
36047 7 9 WUPHF.com 5468 Dwight Wow! This brings back memories. Hay stacking, hay throwing... and at the end of it all, one lucky boy would be crowned Hay King. I always wanted to be Hay King. The world shines on Mose.
36048 7 9 WUPHF.com 5469 Angela Where have you been?! I've been waiting.
36049 7 9 WUPHF.com 5469 Dwight Uh, can we move this to the end of the day?
36050 7 9 WUPHF.com 5469 Angela No, I--I think you should make time for it.
36051 7 9 WUPHF.com 5469 Little Girl I found the needle in the haystack!
36052 7 9 WUPHF.com 5469 Dwight Hey, congratulations! Do you know what your prize is?
36053 7 9 WUPHF.com 5469 Little Girl I don't know!
36054 7 9 WUPHF.com 5469 Dwight Nothing. Life Lesson? Some tasks are not worth doing.
36055 7 9 WUPHF.com 5469 Angela Dwight?
36056 7 9 WUPHF.com 5470 Ryan WUPHF T-Shirts. Who wants one? Just imagine that you're at spring break, Daytona Beach.
36057 7 9 WUPHF.com 5470 Michael Here we go.
36058 7 9 WUPHF.com 5470 Ryan Everyone's like, "Hey Dude, whats up with all the hotties in the WUPHF shirts?" Or, Uh, "Hey, what's up with that helicopter? It's Ry from WUPHF!"
36059 7 9 WUPHF.com 5470 Michael "It's Ryan the WUPHF guy!"
36060 7 9 WUPHF.com 5470 Ryan "Yo, Ry from WUPHF!"
36061 7 9 WUPHF.com 5470 Michael "He's up there."
36062 7 9 WUPHF.com 5470 Ryan "What's he dropping?! Wow, what's falling on us, man?!" WUPHF condoms! 50,000 condoms out of the sky!
36063 7 9 WUPHF.com 5470 Michael Look at that! He threw 'em on the ground!
36064 7 9 WUPHF.com 5470 Daryl Look, this is a marketing campgain. You got nine days. Let's say you do get the money. What are you going to do with it?
36065 7 9 WUPHF.com 5470 Ryan The first lesson of Silicon Valley, actually, is that you only think about the user, the experience. You actually don't think about the money. Ever.
36066 7 9 WUPHF.com 5470 Andy That sounds weird.
36067 7 9 WUPHF.com 5470 Michael No, it's not weird, Andy, and you know what else? We have an offer from Washington University. So monetize that.
36068 7 9 WUPHF.com 5470 Kelly Are you guys meeting about WUPHF? You know that that was my idea, right?
36069 7 9 WUPHF.com 5471 Kelly I said to Ryan, "I try to call you, and you don't have your phone. I try to I.M. You, and you're not online. I wish there was a way that I could do everything all at once, and I could just be like this little dog going, 'Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!'"
36070 7 9 WUPHF.com 5471 Ryan Baby, Baby, Baby--
36071 7 9 WUPHF.com 5471 Kelly I think I'm gonna stay here.
36072 7 9 WUPHF.com 5471 Ryan No, no, no, no, no.
36073 7 9 WUPHF.com 5471 Kelly I do, I do. This isn't right.
36074 7 9 WUPHF.com 5471 Ryan I help you with your things and you help me with my things.
36075 7 9 WUPHF.com 5471 Kelly But I--it's not right.
36076 7 9 WUPHF.com 5471 Ryan I got this, it's okay. Don't worry about this.
36077 7 9 WUPHF.com 5471 Daryl Is it any particular branch of Washington University?
36078 7 9 WUPHF.com 5471 Ryan The Washington University Public Health Fund.
36079 7 9 WUPHF.com 5471 Daryl W.U.P.H.F.
36080 7 9 WUPHF.com 5471 Pam Oh, God!
36081 7 9 WUPHF.com 5471 Daryl They only want it for the initials.
36082 7 9 WUPHF.com 5471 Ryan The domain name. Yeah, they do.
36083 7 9 WUPHF.com 5471 Pam I move we sell!
36084 7 9 WUPHF.com 5471 Michael What?
36085 7 9 WUPHF.com 5471 Daryl Yeah, sell!
36086 7 9 WUPHF.com 5471 Andy Yeah, sell.
36087 7 9 WUPHF.com 5471 Pam Sell.
36088 7 9 WUPHF.com 5471 Stanley Get us out of this!
36089 7 9 WUPHF.com 5471 Ryan Have some faith in this idea!
36090 7 9 WUPHF.com 5471 Daryl If everybody wants to sell, we sell, right?
36091 7 9 WUPHF.com 5471 Michael I won't sell. And you know what? Ryan and I have the majority of shares. Isn't that right?
36092 7 9 WUPHF.com 5471 Ryan Yes. You alone do, actually.
36093 7 9 WUPHF.com 5471 Michael I--yes. We're not selling. I will not sell.
36094 7 9 WUPHF.com 5472 Kevin Awesome!
36095 7 9 WUPHF.com 5473 Man Do you mind if we share this bale?
36096 7 9 WUPHF.com 5473 Angela Sure.
36097 7 9 WUPHF.com 5473 Man There's no charge to sit on the hay, is there?
36098 7 9 WUPHF.com 5473 Angela Probably.
36099 7 9 WUPHF.com 5473 Man I mean, wouldn't you think the ten dollars to build your own broom would include the hay and not just the instructions?
36100 7 9 WUPHF.com 5473 Angela Mm-Hmm.
36101 7 9 WUPHF.com 5473 Man I mean, I'm starting to think this guy is just trying to make money off the holiday.
36102 7 9 WUPHF.com 5473 Angela Yeah, instead of Hay Place, it should be pay place. Don't laugh at me.
36103 7 9 WUPHF.com 5473 Man No, no, no, I wasn't--I was just laughing at your joke.
36104 7 9 WUPHF.com 5473 Angela Oh.
36105 7 9 WUPHF.com 5473 Man Pay Place.
36106 7 9 WUPHF.com 5473 Angela Mm. Yeah, so we can celebrate Thanksgiving-Me-Your-Money Day.
36107 7 9 WUPHF.com 5473 Man That's humorous.
36108 7 9 WUPHF.com 5473 Angela Thank You.
36109 7 9 WUPHF.com 5473 Kevin You guys know how to get out?
36110 7 9 WUPHF.com 5474 Pam Hi, Michael.
36111 7 9 WUPHF.com 5474 Michael Can't talk, saving the planet.
36112 7 9 WUPHF.com 5474 Pam Oh, we don't recycle.
36113 7 9 WUPHF.com 5474 Michael We Don't? Well, why have I been separating the trash into whites and colors?
36114 7 9 WUPHF.com 5474 Pam I'm sure no one asked you to do that.
36115 7 9 WUPHF.com 5474 Michael Eight Years.
36116 7 9 WUPHF.com 5474 Pam Listen, I know you really like Ryan--
36117 7 9 WUPHF.com 5474 Michael No, I won't even consider it.
36118 7 9 WUPHF.com 5474 Pam Michael, I... I hate to say this, but... you know this special bond that you've always felt with Ryan, where, like, you're best friends or you're his mentor or something?
36119 7 9 WUPHF.com 5474 Michael Right, Yes, yeah. Best friend/mentor.
36120 7 9 WUPHF.com 5474 Pam Michael, I think that feeling only goes one way. And I think that Ryan knows that, and he's taking advantage of you.
36121 7 9 WUPHF.com 5474 Michael I think you are wrong.
36122 7 9 WUPHF.com 5474 Pam And there are a lot of other people in this office who have money at stake. Other people you care about.
36123 7 9 WUPHF.com 5474 Michael You may be right. I may be crazy.
36124 7 9 WUPHF.com 5474 Pam Don't.
36125 7 9 WUPHF.com 5474 Michael I'm just saying that I think I agree with your point.
36126 7 9 WUPHF.com 5474 Pam Yeah, but in a jokey way where you're gonna start singing.
36127 7 9 WUPHF.com 5474 Michael I thought it might make me feel better.
36128 7 9 WUPHF.com 5474 Pam Okay. Go Ahead.
36129 7 9 WUPHF.com 5474 Michael But it just may be a lunatic... No.
36130 7 9 WUPHF.com 5475 Jim Oh, nice, wasting time, here we go.
36131 7 9 WUPHF.com 5475 Meridith Hey, back off. It's Solitare.
36132 7 9 WUPHF.com 5475 Creed Hey, kid--hear you're looking for work.
36133 7 9 WUPHF.com 5475 Jim Talk to me.
36134 7 9 WUPHF.com 5475 Creed How far can you reach those Lovely long arms of yours? Eh, put 'em down. How long can you hold that pretty little breath of yours? Good.
36135 7 9 WUPHF.com 5475 Gabe Hey, Jim? Are you distracting these people?
36136 7 9 WUPHF.com 5475 Creed We're working.
36137 7 9 WUPHF.com 5476 Jo "The moment Darla put the cupcake in her mouth, her daddy pulled her aside and said, "You're Too Fat. No one's gonna like you if you're too fat." The next time I saw David Geffen was at the buffalo club. "I love you, you Gay b*st*rd," I said. "You Gay b*st*rd," I s--. "Gay Ba--" "Gay B--""
36138 7 9 WUPHF.com 5477 Ryan Michael, how's it going, bro?
36139 7 9 WUPHF.com 5477 Michael Good, good, bro.
36140 7 9 WUPHF.com 5477 Ryan Hey, thanks so much for having my back out there.
36141 7 9 WUPHF.com 5477 Michael Always have your back. So, any ideas on how we can get over this nine-day hump here?
36142 7 9 WUPHF.com 5477 Ryan I have nothing but ideas. The thing is, they all require money.
36143 7 9 WUPHF.com 5477 Michael Nine days, though. That's, like...
36144 7 9 WUPHF.com 5477 Ryan Look, I know I've tapped you so hard.
36145 7 9 WUPHF.com 5477 Michael Yes, you have tapped this. Hard.
36146 7 9 WUPHF.com 5477 Ryan Oh, you are funny, Michael. You--people, people don't give you enough credit.
36147 7 9 WUPHF.com 5477 Michael Maybe I could take a second mortgage on my condo.
36148 7 9 WUPHF.com 5477 Ryan Well, a lot of people are doing that. And there don't seem to be any consequences. And they say the rates have never been lower.
36149 7 9 WUPHF.com 5477 Michael So you would think that's a good idea for me to do?
36150 7 9 WUPHF.com 5477 Ryan Think about this. You and me on a private plane flown by our private pilot--
36151 7 9 WUPHF.com 5477 Michael Mm-Hmm.
36152 7 9 WUPHF.com 5477 Ryan Eating our private meal cooked by our private chef.
36153 7 9 WUPHF.com 5477 Michael Yeah, well, we never even have dinner now, so...
36154 7 9 WUPHF.com 5477 Ryan We totally should.
36155 7 9 WUPHF.com 5477 Michael Tonight?
36156 7 9 WUPHF.com 5477 Ryan I gotta work on this.
36157 7 9 WUPHF.com 5477 Michael Oh right. What am I saying? Rain Check.
36158 7 9 WUPHF.com 5477 Ryan Yeah.
36159 7 9 WUPHF.com 5478 Dwight And now, by show of applause, We will crown this year's hay king. All in favor of Purebred. Put your hands together for... Mixed Bread. And let's hear it for... Purebred. Mm. It appears we have a three-way tie. I have no choice but to pick the Hay King myself. I pick... Me! I am your Hay King! All Hail your Hay King!
36160 7 9 WUPHF.com 5479 Dwight Did I truck 300 bales of hay to a parking lot to rectify some childhood disappointment? Yes.
36161 7 9 WUPHF.com 5480 Man So, if I were to call Dunder Mifflin and ask for Miss Angela Martin, would I get through to you?
36162 7 9 WUPHF.com 5480 Angela You would. And if I were to call your house and ask for your wife, would I get through to you?
36163 7 9 WUPHF.com 5480 Man My wife passed away a few years ago.
36164 7 9 WUPHF.com 5480 Angela How tragic. Very sorry to hear that.
36165 7 9 WUPHF.com 5480 Man Thank You.
36166 7 9 WUPHF.com 5480 Kevin Help! Hello?! Oh! Help!
36167 7 9 WUPHF.com 5481 Daryl Consider it a WUPHF in person.
36168 7 9 WUPHF.com 5481 Andy Your doing the wrong thing. You're gonna lose Michael's investment. You're gonna lose ours.
36169 7 9 WUPHF.com 5481 Daryl You got this crazy opportunity to get our money back. Tell Mike To Sell.
36170 7 9 WUPHF.com 5481 Andy If you tell Michael to sell, he'll sell.
36171 7 9 WUPHF.com 5481 Ryan I'm betting on myself.
36172 7 9 WUPHF.com 5481 Stanley It's a bad bet.
36173 7 9 WUPHF.com 5481 Michael Hello.
36174 7 9 WUPHF.com 5481 Ryan Hey. It's an ambush here. Nobody here believes in this company. Will you tell them they're wrong?
36175 7 9 WUPHF.com 5481 Daryl It's not that we don't believe in the company, We don't believe in you.
36176 7 9 WUPHF.com 5481 Andy All those in favor of selling, say aye.
36177 7 9 WUPHF.com 5481 Michael I. Do not agree to sell, which is to say nay.
36178 7 9 WUPHF.com 5481 Daryl What is wrong with you? What happened to you in High School?
36179 7 9 WUPHF.com 5481 Stanley Michael, are you that blind?
36180 7 9 WUPHF.com 5481 Michael I'm not blind! I know exactly who he is. He is selfish and lazy and image-obsessed, and he is a bad friend. And he's also clever. And he shoots incredibly high. And he may just make it. But you know what? Even if he doesn't, I would rather go broke betting on my people, than get rich all by myself, on some island like a castaway. And there is no middle ground.
36181 7 9 WUPHF.com 5481 Andy You're gonna lose all of our money.
36182 7 9 WUPHF.com 5481 Michael Only if he fails. And you know what? Ryan, I believe in you. Just like I believe in all of you. You have nine days to save everybody's money.
36183 7 9 WUPHF.com 5481 Ryan Oh... Uh, That's a lot of pressure. I--I'm gonna need some more time.
36184 7 9 WUPHF.com 5481 Michael You can't have it.
36185 7 9 WUPHF.com 5481 Ryan Okay. I won't let you down.
36186 7 9 WUPHF.com 5482 Dwight Angela? Angela!
36187 7 9 WUPHF.com 5483 Michael The world sends people your way... Ryan came to me through a temp agency. Andy was transferred here. No idea where Creed came from. The point is you just have to play with the cards that you're dealt. Jim, that guy is an ace. Dwight is my King up my sleeve. Phyllis is my old maid. Oscar is my queen. That's easy. Gimme a hard one. That's what Oscar said. Toby is the instruction card you throw away. Pam's a solid seven. And yeah, you know what? Ryan is probably, like, a two. But sometimes twos can be wild. So watch out. And I am obviously the joker. So... That's Uh...
36188 7 9 WUPHF.com 5483 Robotic Voice WUPHF, from Ryan Howard. Decided to sell company. Thanks, bro. Hell of a ride.
36189 7 9 WUPHF.com 5483 Michael Thank God.
36190 7 9 WUPHF.com 5484 Gabe Gabe Lewis.
36191 7 9 WUPHF.com 5484 Jo : Now listen here, Gabe, you're too fat. No one's gonna like you if you're too fat. I made some changes to my book. See if you like them.
36192 7 9 WUPHF.com 5484 Gabe Well, Jo--
36193 7 9 WUPHF.com 5484 Jo Now, I love reading, and I hate being interrupted. Shut up and listen, you gay b*st*rd. Chapter One. I was born, not into luxary, nor poverty. But into adversity, and for that, I thank the Lord. My Father was a man. That's all we can know. After I learned to ride a bike, there was no stopping me. I would ride up Magnolia Stree and down Azalea Lane. Which would later become my--
36194 7 9 WUPHF.com 5484 Jim All right, good night, Gabe. Just wanted to say thanks again. 'Cause I really think I made good use of my day, oh! Sorry.
36195 7 9 WUPHF.com 5484 Jo I've always been a fighter. And Fate has obliged me with plenty of battles, the first being a hard--
36196 7 10 China 5485 Jim Why?
36197 7 10 China 5485 Dwight Twenty minutes a day Jim, that's all it takes. Twenty minutes a day, all feet, no hands and I'll have the pedi-dexterity of a chimp, and you'll be sitting there like an idiot. Okay. Here we go. Ah, yes.
36198 7 10 China 5485 Pam Do you mind?
36199 7 10 China 5485 Dwight I'm sorry Pam, allow me to write you an apology letter.
36200 7 10 China 5485 Pam You don't have to do that.
36201 7 10 China 5485 Dwight D-E-A. Oop, backspace. A. Dear.
36202 7 10 China 5485 Jim Ahh, Thank you hands. Nothing else in the universe can do what you do.
36203 7 10 China 5485 Jim Oh, don't worry about it. Dwight, its okay. You were wrong.
36204 7 10 China 5485 Dwight Uhh, aah!
36205 7 10 China 5485 Jim Well, A for effort right?
36206 7 10 China 5486 Hank Welcome, start your morning right with a burst of blueberry. Or try plain.
36207 7 10 China 5486 Andy What's the occasion?
36208 7 10 China 5486 Hank Dwight said this entry was a waste of space.
36209 7 10 China 5486 Andy I would like a muffa du blueberry por favor.
36210 7 10 China 5486 Hank Eight dollars.
36211 7 10 China 5486 Andy Eight dollars?
36212 7 10 China 5487 Dwight Owning a building is a war between the landlord and the tenant. Not a literal war, unfortunately, but I am using the same tactics. I've surrounded the enemy, and I'm slowly starving them. To save on electricity I've installed a timer and motion sensors on the lights. It's part of my green initiative. And by green, I mean money.
36213 7 10 China 5488 Michael Mmhmm, China. China.
36214 7 10 China 5488 Erin How was the dentist?
36215 7 10 China 5488 Michael It was great. China.
36216 7 10 China 5488 Pam Are you okay, what's wrong?
36217 7 10 China 5488 Michael Everything here was made in China, Pam.
36218 7 10 China 5488 Andy Yeah, its where they make stuff.
36219 7 10 China 5488 Michael They used to make stuff in America, Andy. But we're falling behind, did you know that? China is a sleeping dragon that is just beginning to stir.
36220 7 10 China 5488 Erin Oh, no.
36221 7 10 China 5488 Michael Yeah, right here. It is right there. Anybody read the news any more?
36222 7 10 China 5488 Dwight China is on the move?
36223 7 10 China 5488 Michael I found that in the waiting room at the dentist's office. This kid had the magazine I wanted to read, that's the only one I could reach and I read it and then I read it again.
36224 7 10 China 5489 Michael My whole life I believed that America was number one, that was the saying. Not America is number two. England is number two. China should be like eight.
36225 7 10 China 5490 Darryl Hey Andy.
36226 7 10 China 5490 Andy Hey Darryl.
36227 7 10 China 5490 Darryl You gotta stop texting me so much.
36228 7 10 China 5490 Andy But I wanted you to know that Michael and I are wearing the same tie today. It's insane.
36229 7 10 China 5490 Darryl You need to change your standard for what's worthy of a text. Ask yourself is this something Darryl needs to know. The answers almost always no.
36230 7 10 China 5490 Andy Got it. Then I will call you.
36231 7 10 China 5490 Darryl No.
36232 7 10 China 5491 Darryl There was a time when the only people who texted you were people you wanted to text you. Girls. And they'd all say the same thing. "I'm coming over baby." And I would text back "BTB", bring that booty.
36233 7 10 China 5492 Stanley Dwight, why is the toilet paper only half a ply?
36234 7 10 China 5492 Dwight I'm sorry, isn't that good enough for your anus? Don't get me started on how coddled the modern anus is.
36235 7 10 China 5492 Pam Umm, Stanley. Maybe you could just unspool a little more each time you need to...
36236 7 10 China 5492 Stanley Don't tell me how to do my business.
36237 7 10 China 5492 Dwight Stanley, as a fellow Dunder Mifflin employee I feel for you. But, like you, I am completely powerless to the whims of the new building owner.
36238 7 10 China 5492 Jim Which is you.
36239 7 10 China 5492 Dwight "Which is you" is not a sentence.
36240 7 10 China 5492 Jim I disagree with.
36241 7 10 China 5492 Stanley Are you just gonna sit there, Office Administrator, or are you going to do something?
36242 7 10 China 5492 Pam Dwight, can we talk about these cutbacks.
36243 7 10 China 5492 Dwight Pam, when I'm sitting at this desk, I'm a salesman. If you wanna talk to the new building owner, you should call Nate and schedule and appointment.
36244 7 10 China 5492 Pam I'm not going to do that.
36245 7 10 China 5492 Dwight Well then you're not going to talk to the new building owner. Which is a shame, because I hear he's a very reasonable guy.
36246 7 10 China 5492 Nate Y'ello.
36247 7 10 China 5492 Pam Hi Nate, Its Pam Halpert.
36248 7 10 China 5492 Nate Oh, hey Pam.
36249 7 10 China 5492 Pam Hey, I would just love to schedule a meeting today with Dwight.
36250 7 10 China 5492 Nate Let me put you on hold for just one 'eensy sec.
36251 7 10 China 5492 Pam Sure.
36252 7 10 China 5492 Dwight Dwight Schrute. Mhm. Tell her I'm busy. I don't know, make something up.
36253 7 10 China 5492 Nate Hey Pam, Dwight's being questioned by the police in connection with a string of dog-nappings that ha...
36254 7 10 China 5492 Pam Dwight. Dwight. Can you please tell new building owner that he is screwing over all the people he works with, people he's worked with for years. His friends.
36255 7 10 China 5492 Dwight You know what Pam? You're right. This isn't just a business. This is a home, and I would much rather see a smile from Kevin than save hundreds on plumbing and electricity.
36256 7 10 China 5493 Erin Oh my God.
36257 7 10 China 5493 Michael What?
36258 7 10 China 5493 Erin According to the internet, the tallest man in the world is Chinese.
36259 7 10 China 5493 Michael So much for keeping our secrets up high.
36260 7 10 China 5493 Erin What's America gonna do?
36261 7 10 China 5493 Michael I know what we're going to do. We're going to put our best minds on it.
36262 7 10 China 5494 Michael Everybody stop working. I want you all to imagine a world in which America is not the number one superpower, where forks are irrelevant, and where every man, woman and child is expected to learn how to play the cello. Now open your eyes.
36263 7 10 China 5494 Angela You never told us to close them.
36264 7 10 China 5494 Michael Welcome to your future.
36265 7 10 China 5494 Phyllis What do we do? How do we stop this?
36266 7 10 China 5494 Michael How do we stop it? With a big idea. That's what America is built on, big ideas. Blue jeans, the Grand Canyon. Whose got one, whose got a big idea?
36267 7 10 China 5494 Pam An idea bigger than the Grand Canyon?
36268 7 10 China 5494 Michael Yes, indeed. Yes Kevin.
36269 7 10 China 5494 Kevin An antacid that you only take once a week.
36270 7 10 China 5494 Michael Once a week antacid is the idea to beat. Anyone else? Nobody? Okay then we are... yes.
36271 7 10 China 5494 Kevin Michael! An antacid pill that you take once every six weeks.
36272 7 10 China 5494 Stanley Why not just go one for the year?
36273 7 10 China 5494 Michael I don't know.
36274 7 10 China 5494 Kevin It's too big of a pill to swallow.
36275 7 10 China 5494 Michael Alright.
36276 7 10 China 5494 Erin What if we all get together and help each other and hire a new guy, and then we all kill him, but first we take out like a hundred thousand dollar life insurance policy. I bet you guys like that idea don't you?
36277 7 10 China 5495 Erin I think that's what they're doing to me. I can't prove it, but I wanted to see their faces when I said it. I learned nothing.
36278 7 10 China 5496 Michael I don't know what the that was.
36279 7 10 China 5496 Dwight I say we bomb 'em. By 2020, they're gonna be the world's largest economy and they're getting a taste for protein. We'll all starve.
36280 7 10 China 5496 Phyllis Yeah, Dwight's right we should drop a bomb.
36281 7 10 China 5496 Michael No he's not right. We're not. Where would we even drop it, Phyllis? Did you know that in China there are fifty six cities with over a million people? You know how many we have here? Nine.
36282 7 10 China 5496 Oscar Actually, that's not true. I know the figure you're referring to, and it's a projection of fifteen years from now.
36283 7 10 China 5496 Kevin Thank God.
36284 7 10 China 5496 Michael No, no. That is right now.
36285 7 10 China 5496 Oscar Michael, China's agrarian. Urbanizing fast? You bet 'cha, but still agrarian.
36286 7 10 China 5496 Michael In terms of land, not population.
36287 7 10 China 5496 Oscar Come on Michael. You can...
36288 7 10 China 5496 Michael No, no you're wrong about this.
36289 7 10 China 5496 Oscar Where are you getting this information?
36290 7 10 China 5496 Michael I got it from NewYorkTimes.com
36291 7 10 China 5496 Kevin Uh oh, getting nervous Oscar?
36292 7 10 China 5496 Jim Okay, someone look it up.
36293 7 10 China 5496 Ryan I'm on it Jim. I'm on it.
36294 7 10 China 5496 Oscar Guys its not worth it really. Guys this is not worth our time.
36295 7 10 China 5496 Darryl "Are you watching this?" Seriously?
36296 7 10 China 5496 Andy Well are you?
36297 7 10 China 5496 Darryl I'm sitting right here.
36298 7 10 China 5496 Ryan Got it. China has fifty six cities with a population of over one million. The US has... nine.
36299 7 10 China 5496 Meredith Suck it Oscar.
36300 7 10 China 5496 Jim Well on the plus side all this worrying about China has made you smarter than Oscar, Michael.
36301 7 10 China 5496 Oscar Great. I was wrong. I'm wrong. Is everyone happy?
36302 7 10 China 5497 Michael So I happen to know more than the smartest guy in the office. So what? I don't care.
36303 7 10 China 5498 Michael Okay, now where were we before I bested Oscar?
36304 7 10 China 5499 Meredith Wow, so this building can get uglier.
36305 7 10 China 5499 Stanley I will not work in a roach billboard.
36306 7 10 China 5499 Gabe Oh my God, I can't look at roaches.
36307 7 10 China 5499 Angela Michael do something about this.
36308 7 10 China 5499 Michael Absolutely, Pam this is exactly why I hired you as Office Administrator, handle it. Taking care of business.
36309 7 10 China 5499 Pam Dwight take it down.
36310 7 10 China 5499 Pam I'm serious, take it down or else.
36311 7 10 China 5499 Dwight Or else? Or else what? There's nothing you can do.
36312 7 10 China 5499 Pam We can move out.
36313 7 10 China 5500 Angela Really?
36314 7 10 China 5501 Pam So, does anyone wanna know where I've been for the last 2 hours?
36315 7 10 China 5501 Jim Oh God, I've been playing Zombie Soccer for two hours?
36316 7 10 China 5501 Pam I went out to look for a better office space.
36317 7 10 China 5501 Dwight Waste of time.
36318 7 10 China 5501 Pam Not really, because I found one.
36319 7 10 China 5501 Jim Oh wow, these are nice.
36320 7 10 China 5501 Pam Yup.
36321 7 10 China 5501 Dwight Let me see.
36322 7 10 China 5501 Pam Look at the huge offices Jim, check out that conference room.
36323 7 10 China 5501 Jim Yeah, yeah. Totally.
36324 7 10 China 5501 Dwight You can't just move out.
36325 7 10 China 5501 Pam Oh in three months we can. Check the lease, and if you don't undo all the changes you've made, we're moving. Hey guys, can I show you some pictures.
36326 7 10 China 5501 Andy Oh my gosh she is so cute. She looks like both of you.
36327 7 10 China 5501 Pam They're not of Cece.
36328 7 10 China 5501 Andy Oh, cool.
36329 7 10 China 5501 Pam This is possibly our new Dunder Mifflin office.
36330 7 10 China 5501 Phyllis Well I like being in the same building as Bob. Keeps me honest.
36331 7 10 China 5501 Pam Well, this building isn't far, and its much newer. There's a dry cleaner, nail place and a gym. Oh, and it's next-door to and Outback so it always smells like steak.
36332 7 10 China 5501 Stanley Are you trying to kill me?
36333 7 10 China 5501 Kelly Is the nail place Koreans or whites?
36334 7 10 China 5501 Pam Koreans.
36335 7 10 China 5501 Kelly Good. And the dry cleaners?
36336 7 10 China 5501 Pam White.
36337 7 10 China 5501 Kelly Good.
36338 7 10 China 5502 Jim Woah, there is a lot of brainpower in this room. We've got Michael and Oscar, the two smartest guys in the office, also in that order.
36339 7 10 China 5502 Oscar Funny Jim. That is funny.
36340 7 10 China 5502 Michael Very comedically humorous Jim.
36341 7 10 China 5502 Kelly I have a computer question. Hey Oscar?
36342 7 10 China 5502 Oscar What is it?
36343 7 10 China 5502 Kelly Can you move aside so that I can ask Michael?
36344 7 10 China 5502 Oscar Alright. Alright I get it.
36345 7 10 China 5502 Kelly Michael, how do I create a new tab?
36346 7 10 China 5502 Michael Try 'Control P'.
36347 7 10 China 5502 Oscar That's print.
36348 7 10 China 5502 Michael Not if the printer isn't hooked up. You are making some very dangerous assumptions Oscar.
36349 7 10 China 5502 Kelly Oscar it must be killing you to know that Michael is smarter than you.
36350 7 10 China 5502 Oscar He's... he's not smarter than me, he was just right about one thing.
36351 7 10 China 5502 Kelly Yeah, but it was a really smart thing to be right about, actually.
36352 7 10 China 5502 Ryan Actually, it was.
36353 7 10 China 5503 Jim Around here, Oscar is known as 'actually' because he will insert himself into just about any conversation to add facts, or correct grammar. He really does fit that old stereotype of the smug gay Mexican.
36354 7 10 China 5504 Darryl Megan Fox. Question mark. What's that mean?
36355 7 10 China 5504 Andy Megan Fox! Come on!
36356 7 10 China 5504 Darryl You know what, you're one bad text away from getting blocked.
36357 7 10 China 5504 Andy Yes, but one good text away from a high five.
36358 7 10 China 5504 Darryl You accept these terms?
36359 7 10 China 5504 Andy Oh, its on.
36360 7 10 China 5505 Dwight In your perfect would, what would make this building awesome? I'm putting together kind of a wish list.
36361 7 10 China 5505 Kevin Well, I wish for a million wishes.
36362 7 10 China 5505 Dwight Yeah, no. I'm not a genie. I'm just talking about a...
36363 7 10 China 5505 Kevin Then see you later building.
36364 7 10 China 5505 Dwight You can't possibly be serious.
36365 7 10 China 5505 Kevin I said see you later building.
36366 7 10 China 5505 Oscar Hey Michael.
36367 7 10 China 5505 Michael Hey.
36368 7 10 China 5505 Oscar I was thinking about some of the stuff you said earlier about China.
36369 7 10 China 5505 Michael Mmm.
36370 7 10 China 5505 Oscar I'd love to talk more about it.
36371 7 10 China 5505 Michael Yeah.
36372 7 10 China 5505 Oscar Maybe over some coffee later?
36373 7 10 China 5505 Michael Sure.
36374 7 10 China 5505 Jim Woah, woah, woah. Do you know what you just agreed to?
36375 7 10 China 5505 Michael Coffee Jim.
36376 7 10 China 5505 Jim No.
36377 7 10 China 5505 Andy It is not just coffee.
36378 7 10 China 5505 Jim He's trying to set you up Michael. What's going to happen is he's going to try and bring up what ever you're talking about in a very casual way, but secretly he'll be trying to trip you up, and when he does, boom, its awful. Haven't you noticed that I don't bring up the Tour de France around him?
36379 7 10 China 5505 Michael Yes.
36380 7 10 China 5505 Andy And then he will smugly pay the cheque and make you feel so small.
36381 7 10 China 5505 Michael Alright, well I just need to learn everything about China. To be safe I should learn everything about everything but I don't have time. Okay, okay, I'll just learn about China and science and geography and math and literary.
36382 7 10 China 5505 Jim No politics?
36383 7 10 China 5505 Michael I'm pretty good on politics. "California is bankrupt, and California, California." What?
36384 7 10 China 5506 Dwight Parley, my office, five minutes.
36385 7 10 China 5506 Pam Parley?
36386 7 10 China 5506 Creed Pirate code, he wants to meet.
36387 7 10 China 5506 Pam So everyone here knows pirate code?
36388 7 10 China 5506 Creed I understand it, I can't speak it.
36389 7 10 China 5507 Dwight Pam, I am not an unreasonable man. If you guys stay, I will stop watering down the soap.
36390 7 10 China 5507 Pam You've been watering down the soap?
36391 7 10 China 5507 Dwight Why do you even need soap? Are you that bad at going to the bathroom?
36392 7 10 China 5507 Pam We need everything back the way it was.
36393 7 10 China 5507 Dwight You don't wanna move. Moving is one of the most stressful things you can do in life. You'll probably just take it out on your kid. Jim will turn to the drink. The family will fall apart, and twenty five years from now, Cece will become world famous... for stripping.
36394 7 10 China 5507 Pam That's a sad story. I have another one. We move, the other tenants follow, the bank takes the building, takes your farm, takes your car and beats the crap out of you. Penniless, you die, and my daughter Cece dances on your grave... fully clothed.
36395 7 10 China 5508 Ryan Where is Tibet?
36396 7 10 China 5508 Michael Pass.
36397 7 10 China 5508 Ryan When was China founded?
36398 7 10 China 5508 Michael Pass.
36399 7 10 China 5508 Jim Two for two, keep it up.
36400 7 10 China 5508 Ryan Who is Mao?
36401 7 10 China 5508 Michael Lifeline.
36402 7 10 China 5508 Andy Damn it. Michael, you are moments away from the smack down of your life. If you don't know something, steer the conversation back to something you do know.
36403 7 10 China 5508 Michael I could talk about boobs. I bet he knows nothing about boobs.
36404 7 10 China 5508 Jim What do you know about boobs?
36405 7 10 China 5508 Andy Michael, I have to tell you something it's from Rocky II.
36406 7 10 China 5508 Jim Thank you.
36407 7 10 China 5508 Andy This guy doesn't just wanna win. Y'know, he want's to bury you. He wants to humiliate you!
36408 7 10 China 5508 Michael Wait, wait, wait. How long is this going to take?
36409 7 10 China 5508 Andy I'm like a quarter of the way through.
36410 7 10 China 5508 Michael Is it going to be worth it?
36411 7 10 China 5508 Andy No.
36412 7 10 China 5508 Ryan Just in case Michael, I made you a cheat sheet.
36413 7 10 China 5508 Michael I don't need to cheat.
36414 7 10 China 5508 Jim Show him how to use it.
36415 7 10 China 5509 Nate Ten thousand seven hundred and six.
36416 7 10 China 5509 Dwight Here it is, right here, pull over. Oh my God. No way. Man, look at that.
36417 7 10 China 5509 Nate Yeah.
36418 7 10 China 5509 Dwight There's no building. This could only mean one thing.
36419 7 10 China 5509 Nate The building's underground?
36420 7 10 China 5509 Dwight She was lying. Oh, Pam, Pam...
36421 7 10 China 5509 Dwight, Nate Pam, Pam, Pam, Pam.
36422 7 10 China 5509 Passer-by Yeah?
36423 7 10 China 5509 Nate Pam. Pam?
36424 7 10 China 5509 Dwight What?
36425 7 10 China 5509 Passer-by I'm Pam.
36426 7 10 China 5509 Dwight Oh.
36427 7 10 China 5509 Nate No you're not.
36428 7 10 China 5509 Dwight I'm sorry. We have a colleague with the same name.
36429 7 10 China 5509 Passer-by Oh, that's fine.
36430 7 10 China 5509 Dwight So, okay. You're not a liar too are you?
36431 7 10 China 5509 Passer-by I've been known to bend the truth.
36432 7 10 China 5509 Dwight Damn it, Pam. Get out. Right now. Leave it, I mean it. Get the hell out of here. Go.
36433 7 10 China 5509 Passer-by Okay.
36434 7 10 China 5509 Dwight I can't wait to do to Pam, what I just did... to Pam.
36435 7 10 China 5510 Dwight Hey Pam.
36436 7 10 China 5510 Pam Yeah?
36437 7 10 China 5510 Dwight Y'know what, I'm the only one here who you haven't asked about the new office.
36438 7 10 China 5510 Pam I know, because you're the reason we're moving.
36439 7 10 China 5510 Dwight Yeah, but I'm still an employee here, and that part of me is really excited about the change of scenery. What's the square footage in the new place?
36440 7 10 China 5510 Pam Uhh, I think it's something like umm...
36441 7 10 China 5510 Dwight What's the exact square footage.
36442 7 10 China 5510 Pam Umm, let me see.
36443 7 10 China 5510 Dwight How many offices are there? Oh I'll just look at the one sheet myself.
36444 7 10 China 5510 Pam Oh, actually I don't know what I did with the one sheet. Y'know, that's the problem. You only have one sheet.
36445 7 10 China 5510 Dwight You're a funny guy Pam. What's the first thing you guys are gonna do when you move in to the new office? I'm going to walk down the hall and say "Wow, I can't believe this is real, but it is." I can't wait.
36446 7 10 China 5510 Pam Mmhmm.
36447 7 10 China 5511 Pam I lied about some aspects of the building.
36448 7 10 China 5511 Jim It's still on a bike path though right?
36449 7 10 China 5511 Pam There's no building... it doesn't exist.
36450 7 10 China 5511 Jim What does that mean?
36451 7 10 China 5511 Pam I needed leverage so I pulled those pictures off the internet. It's just this Office Administrator thing, I don't wanna...
36452 7 10 China 5511 Jim What?
36453 7 10 China 5511 Pam Fail. I don't want to fail... again.
36454 7 10 China 5511 Jim But you didn't fail.
36455 7 10 China 5511 Pam And that's what you said about Art School, and that's what you said about sales.
36456 7 10 China 5511 Jim And you didn't fail those things either.
36457 7 10 China 5511 Pam Well, I'm not an artist, and I'm not a salesman. So what would you call it?
36458 7 10 China 5511 Jim Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
36459 7 10 China 5512 Oscar Michael, the reason I asked you down here for this chat is that I've been thinking that your fears about China are a bit exaggerated.
36460 7 10 China 5512 Michael Did you know, that China has a new missile, that can sink a US Naval Carrier nine hundred miles off the coast?
36461 7 10 China 5512 Oscar We have missiles too.
36462 7 10 China 5512 Michael Did you also know that China has secretly been expanding its nuclear arsenal. But what do I know, I mean, that's just according to the Pentagon. Our Pentagon.
36463 7 10 China 5513 Nate I wasn't here.
36464 7 10 China 5513 Pam What?
36465 7 10 China 5513 Nate I wasn't here. It's a pretty common saying. You may want to log it away for future use.
36466 7 10 China 5513 Pam Well thanks.
36467 7 10 China 5513 Nate Yeah.
36468 7 10 China 5514 Michael China has been loaning us billions upon billions of dollars. We are going to be owing them for the rest of our lives. And they will control us.
36469 7 10 China 5514 Oscar Actually, we're in a mild recession right now. I'll give you that, but people use China as the boogie man for all their problems. In the nineteen eighties, it was Japan.
36470 7 10 China 5514 Michael How then do you explain that in the past year manufacturing in China has risen by 17% and in the US it has only risen by 8%?
36471 7 10 China 5514 Oscar Do you really think that manufacturing is a relevant indicator of where the world economy's heading in 2011? Do you know the comparative expansion of say the information sector? I'd say that's far more relevant. Wouldn't you?
36472 7 10 China 5514 Michael Don't... I...
36473 7 10 China 5515 Pam Hello, hello. You're breaking the law.
36474 7 10 China 5515 Dwight Impossible, I love the law.
36475 7 10 China 5515 Pam Read article nineteen. There are suitable standards that you have to maintain the building at that includes comfortable temperatures and adequate lighting. It also means no more cutting the tampons in two, and no more tampering with the toilet paper.
36476 7 10 China 5515 Dwight I see I've underestimated you, and I didn't think that was possible. Nate, reply the paper.
36477 7 10 China 5515 Nate I don't think it goes that way.
36478 7 10 China 5515 Dwight Reply it!
36479 7 10 China 5516 Oscar Don't worry about the coffee, its on me.
36480 7 10 China 5516 Michael Yeah, I figured that.
36481 7 10 China 5516 Oscar Michael, I am so happy that we were able to have this little chat.
36482 7 10 China 5516 Michael Wait. You forgetting something?
36483 7 10 China 5516 Oscar What?
36484 7 10 China 5516 Michael This chat. Two men, one white, one latina. A boss and a money cruncher. I could fire you.
36485 7 10 China 5516 Erin Fire him. No, show mercy.
36486 7 10 China 5516 Michael Here we are.
36487 7 10 China 5516 Oscar What's your point.
36488 7 10 China 5516 Michael My point is... that as long as people like you and me don't stop talking, nobody can stop the USA.
36489 7 10 China 5516 Andy Yeah.
36490 7 10 China 5516 Erin Right, yes.
36491 7 10 China 5516 Michael I am talking about freedom, about choice. America, I don't think you need to worry. Because if you want to beat China you will. If you don't, that's fine. That my friend, is your victory. Y'know, a lot of people say if you dig long enough and hard enough you will get to China, and that may be the true, but what they don't tell you is that if you dig long enough and hard enough in a conversation, you get to a friend. So here is to conversation.
36492 7 10 China 5516 Oscar That's not.
36493 7 10 China 5516 Michael Raise your cups on high. Case closed.
36494 7 10 China 5516 Oscar That wasn't what we were discu... That wasn't the whole...
36495 7 10 China 5517 Dwight They say the best vampires don't bleed their victims dry, but give them the strength so that they can bounce back only to be fed on again. I spared Pam, and I may feast off of her profits for years to come. I let Pam win. Haha, oh. I was not motivated by compassion. I have no compassion. Make sure you got that. Not motivated by compassion.
36496 7 10 China 5518 Darryl Come to parking lot. Crazy pigeon action?
36497 7 10 China 5519 Andy Shhh. You're gonna scare 'em away.
36498 7 10 China 5519 Darryl That's a text.
36499 7 10 China 5519 Andy Yeah. Right.
36500 7 10 China 5519 Darryl That's your new standard.
36501 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5520 Nate Got it.
36502 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5520 Pam Okay let's go in. I'm freezing.
36503 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5520 Michael People, wait, wait, wait. Come back, come back. One fun one. We're gonna do a fun one.
36504 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5520 Jim One Charlie's Angels. One. Let's go.
36505 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5520 Pam Okay, this is just a Christmas card from your paper supplier. No one's putting this on their fridge.
36506 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5520 Kevin Oh, I got it, you guys, how 'bout this. Michael, what if all the boys are on one side, all the girls are on the other. The boys are like, 'why I oughta', and the girls are like, 'let's go shopping!'.
36507 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5520 Andy Let's just jump in the air!
36508 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5520 Michael That's it! That's a picture! Yes! Jump in the air. We're gonna jump in the air. Here we go.
36509 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5520 Pam Okay.
36510 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5520 Nate One, two, three. Not everyone jumped.
36511 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5520 Michael Okay, everybody jump in the air this time, please. Here we go.
36512 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5520 Nate One, two, three. Still some people not jumping.
36513 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5520 Jim You gotta be kidding me. Who isn't jumping?
36514 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5520 Dwight I'll tell you who. Darryl, Phyllis, Stanley, Angela, and Oscar.
36515 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5520 Phyllis I am jumping.
36516 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5520 Dwight You are?
36517 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5520 Phyllis Yes, I'm jumping.
36518 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5520 Dwight Let me see you jump. Oh, my God. This is a store bought-camera. This isn't one of those special military-grade cameras that would be able to capture that.
36519 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5520 Pam I'm freezing.
36520 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5520 Nate Um, also, Erin is jumping way too early. She's on the ground by 'three'.
36521 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5520 Erin I didn't want to miss it.
36522 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5520 Andy Well, if we all jump really high, we'll be in the air longer. Do that.
36523 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5520 Oscar Here's a question nobody's asking: Is this worth it?
36524 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5520 Michael Don't answer that. People, listen up and listen good. We need to just get one picture where we're all in the air at the same time. Yes?
36525 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5520 Oscar Why?
36526 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5520 Michael I believe in us. We can do this. Here we go.
36527 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5520 Nate Okay, on three. Uh, everyone in the air. Three, two, one, zero.
36528 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5520 Michael We didn't get it.
36529 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5521 Pam I'm the office administrator now, which means I'm basically being paid to be head of the party planning committee. The first thing I did as head... I shut it down. At its best it was a toxic political club used to make others feel miserable and left out. At its best it planned parties.
36530 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5522 Pam It hardly looks fake. It's so lush.
36531 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5522 Jim Why's it smell real? Ah... good one.
36532 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5523 Michael Oh, ho, ho, ho! Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas, little children!
36533 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5523 All Merry Christmas.
36534 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5523 Michael How's everybody doing today?
36535 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5523 Erin Good.
36536 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5523 Michael How's the party coming along?
36537 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5523 Pam Great.
36538 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5523 Michael Are we over budget?
36539 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5523 Pam Nope.
36540 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5523 Michael No? Good. Did anyone get drunk already?
36541 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5523 Meredith Not yet!
36542 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5523 Michael Good for you. Angela, lay it on me. What's the problem?
36543 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5523 Angela Nothing. Should be fun.
36544 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5523 Michael So Stanley, how big is the bug up your butt today?
36545 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5523 Stanley Pam got those sugar-free cookies I like. I'm doing fine.
36546 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5523 Michael Alright. Well, I will be in my office making toys for the good children. Andy?
36547 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5523 Andy Yea?
36548 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5523 Michael Whatcha got?
36549 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5523 Andy All good, Santa.
36550 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5523 Michael Well, that's a relief. Santa's gonna take some much-needed free time. Alright. Good!
36551 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5524 Michael My kids are growin up. As a boss, I look at that and say great. It is exactly what a boss would hope would happen because that's what I want. That's what every boss wants is a, is a wonderful Christmas with no drama.
36552 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5525 Kelly It's present time, you guys. Happy Holidays from your friends at Sabre.
36553 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5525 Gabe We just want to say how grateful we are.
36554 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5526 Kelly Sabre is actively looking for ways to involve me as minority executive trainee. So I suggested choosing the annual Christmas gift to the employees. And they said, "Oh, yes. Perfect. Thank you, Kelly. Finally, something for you to do."
36555 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5527 Kelly It's a Hello Kitty laptop sleeve.
36556 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5527 Andy Hello Kitty's for girls.
36557 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5527 Pam Nashua got mp3 players.
36558 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5527 Phyllis Yeah, I don't even have a laptop.
36559 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5527 Kelly I wonder if these presents would be under as much scrutiny if I were white.
36560 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5527 Meredith Wow.
36561 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5527 Phyllis Oh God.
36562 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5527 Dwight Oh come on.
36563 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5527 Kelly I said, "I wonder." I didn't say, "I think."
36564 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5527 Gabe Kelly, I thought we agreed on fleece blankets.
36565 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5527 Kelly Blankets, what am I, five?
36566 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5527 Gabe Erin and I make great use of ours.
36567 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5528 Gabe Yes, Erin and I are still dating. Why do you ask me so often if we're still dating?
36568 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5529 Darryl I'll take one of those pink pouches.
36569 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5530 Darryl I feel good today. My little girl Jada? It's my turn to have her for Christmas this year. Two years ago I had her, and we had the best time. I tivoed her favorite shows, some things I've never heard of. iCarly... You know who's funny on that show? The friend with the video camera. He's got a nice way of talking.
36570 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5531 Jim Hey, it's snowing.
36571 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5531 Dwight Oh, my God! It's the first snowfall of Christmas. Is that just so magical for you, little girl? Can you not wait to have a hot chocolate, and cuddle up with Papa and tell him about all your Christmas dreams, hmm? It's not even a real snow. Look, it's a dusting. Pitiful.
36572 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5531 Jim Hey, Dwight.
36573 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5531 Dwight Damn it, Jim, you cannot throw snowballs in here!
36574 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5531 Jim Well, it's not a snowball, 'cause it's only a dusting. Right?
36575 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5531 Dwight Look at that. There's a pebble in there. You coulda killed me.
36576 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5531 Phyllis Oh, don't be such a baby.
36577 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5531 Stanley Yeah, who's a little girl now?
36578 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5531 Dwight You apologize to me right now.
36579 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5531 Jim You've got something on your nose.
36580 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5531 Dwight You apologize right now.
36581 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5531 Jim No.
36582 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5531 Dwight Very well, then I challenge you to a snowball fight on the first real snow of winter.
36583 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5531 Jim You got it.
36584 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5531 Andy That sounds awesome. Can we all do it?
36585 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5531 Dwight No, Andy, it's a snowball fight. It's not fun. Go get your own thing. Beat it. Jim, let go. Let go.
36586 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5532 Kevin Angela, are you bringing you new boyfriend to the party.
36587 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5532 Angela I wouldn't subject Robert to that. He's a very busy senator.
36588 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5532 Oscar State senator.
36589 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5532 Angela I would not expect you to know what it's like to date someone in the public arena.
36590 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5532 Oscar Who are you dating in the public arena?
36591 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5532 Angela The senator.
36592 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5532 Kevin Oh, right. The state senator.
36593 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5532 Angela We went to a picnic thrown by the Comptroller's wife.
36594 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5532 Oscar Well...
36595 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5533 Angela Do you have any idea how many photographers there are at a ribbon-cutting ceremony. I do. Two. "Angela..." "over here, Angela..." "here. Look here!"
36596 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Pam Before we kick off the party, I just want to remind everyone that an office party is just that...
36597 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Michael Yeah!
36598 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Pam A party. It's not an excuse to get really drunk or confront someone or have a cathartic experience of any kind.
36599 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Michael Pam? Pam?
36600 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Dwight Pam?
36601 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Pam Wow, there are, there are questions to that. Okay. Um, you know what, no questions. Last item on the agenda, Toby would like to make an announcement.
36602 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Toby Hi guys.
36603 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Michael Hi.
36604 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Toby Uh, I just wanted to let you know that, uh, I'll be taking a leave of absence starting next week.
36605 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Michael Uh, because you've been on the Lam? Because the 'boring police' have been after you, and they finally caught up with you?
36606 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Toby Uh, no, the opposite. I was actually selected to be a juror on a very high-profile case.
36607 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Michael Yes, the case of the horrible red-headed sad sack. And the verdict, it was Toby. And the sentence, death. Death to Toby!
36608 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Dwight Death to Toby!
36609 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Toby Okay, that's hurtful talk. We've talked about that. You know, I don't interrupt your announcements.
36610 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Michael You know what you, you, you leave these huge pauses in your sentences. What do you expect me to do?
36611 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Phyllis What's the case, Toby?
36612 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Toby Well, I really can't talk about it, but it's a very high profile case.
36613 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Andy Is it criminal?
36614 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Toby Yes.
36615 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Andy Have we heard of it?
36616 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Toby I don't know.
36617 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Dwight Is it the middle school teacher who tried to turn her foreign exchange student into a s*x slave?
36618 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Toby Come on.
36619 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Meredith Was it the post office guy who rubbed his pen1s all over the mail?
36620 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Toby Guys, it's a really big deal.
36621 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Ryan He's rubbing his neck. He's rubbing his neck!
36622 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Kelly He's rubbing his neck.
36623 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Ryan He's rubbing his neck.
36624 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Andy Oh, Scranton Strangler!
36625 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Toby I can neither confirm nor deny this. Let's just say I'll be up to my neck in jury duty.
36626 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Michael That was the worst joke ever.
36627 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Toby Corporate will be sending someone else to take my place for a while.
36628 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Michael Okay. Okay goodbye, goodbye.
36629 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Toby Uh, Holly Flax, she comes from the Nashua branch.
36630 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Michael What? What?
36631 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Toby Yeah, uh, she'll be starting next week. If you have any questions about the transition, just let me know.
36632 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Michael Hold on, Holly's coming back here?
36633 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Toby Yeah.
36634 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Erin Guys, who's Holly?
36635 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Michael That is a great question, Erin. How do you describe somebody who is at the same time an old friend, and was a lover, and was a complicated part of my past, and maybe, just maybe a part of my future?
36636 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Erin Wow.
36637 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Creed She's one sassy black lady.
36638 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Michael Holly's coming back, everybody, and we have to have a party.
36639 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Gabe I'm not sure the temporary replacement of an H.R. rep really warrants a party.
36640 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Michael You know what, we'll postpone this party until then. This is too important. Cancel this one. Dwight get rid of the tree.
36641 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Dwight Okay.
36642 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Michael Cancel. We're canceling it.
36643 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Angela No, don't throw those out!
36644 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Michael No, we have to cancel the party.
36645 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Angela We can save that.
36646 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Michael No, no, no, we're gonna get fresh for Holly. Fresh and new.
36647 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Andy I bought these.
36648 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Michael I know.
36649 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Andy These cookies are fine.
36650 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Michael It's not. They're not. Fresh and new. Please let go. Please let go.
36651 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Pam Michael, Michael, wait we don't have, we don't have the budget for another party.
36652 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Michael Well then everybody'll chip in, it'll be fine.
36653 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Pam I honestly think you're idealizing people here again, Michael. I don't think that's gonna happen.
36654 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5534 Michael You know what, I'll pay for it. I'll pay for the party. It doesn't matter. This is way too important. People, Holly's coming back, and this is the most important Christmas party of my life. So back to work.
36655 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5535 Michael Man, I worked hard. I worked so hard for this! I was after corporate constantly. I emailed Joe. I wrote letters. And, know who I end up owing this to is the Scranton strangler. Thank you. Thank you, Scranton strangler. I love you! You just took one more person's breath away.
36656 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5536 Michael We have always had good Christmas parties here, as you know, but they've never been cool. The name is Bond... Santa Bond. I'll have an eggnog, shaken, not stirred. Classic Brosnan. Santa... wonderful tradition. Everybody loves Santa. Everybody can't get enough of the jolly old man. But that is a myth, because you know what, he is not necessarily a big fat guy with a beard. He's not necessarily an old guy. No one knows what the real Santa Claus... God! Ow!
36657 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5536 Angela Just stop moving your calves so much while you're talking.
36658 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5536 Michael Well, this year's gonna be different. We're gonna have fun. It's not gonna be tacky. It's going to be, you know what, the food is going to be austere. It is not going to be tacky, deli platter food. It's not gonna have a big, fat, gross Santa Claus. It's gonna be cool, sleek Santa.
36659 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5536 Angela Maybe I'll bring my boyfriend. I'll invite him.
36660 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5536 Michael Okay. Sure.
36661 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5536 Angela I mean, unless there's any chance there could be press at this party.
36662 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5536 Michael You never know about the press.
36663 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5536 Angela Well, I only ask because he's a senator.
36664 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5536 Michael Could he help us with some parking tickets?
36665 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5536 Angela I don't think that's appropriate.
36666 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5536 Michael Well, then he's not a senator.
36667 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5536 Angela Yes, he is.
36668 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5536 Michael Okay.
36669 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5537 Jim Hey.
36670 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5537 Pam Hey.
36671 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5537 Jim We still doing the gifts today? I mean, it is the Christmas party. Well, the classy Christmas party.
36672 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5537 Pam Yes. But don't get too excited, 'cause I didn't have a lot of time this year.
36673 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5537 Jim Me neither. Whew.
36674 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5537 Pam Okay.
36675 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5538 Pam I've been working forever on Jim's present. He always gives me the best Christmas gifts. He'll take a memory or a private joke, and he'll create something totally unique. I love them. So this year I made him something. A comic book. It stars Jimmy Halpert, a mild-mannered paper Salesman who, while riding his bike through the forest, is bitten by a radioactive bear, becomes 'bear man'. Wreaks havoc on the office. It's really good.
36676 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5539 Michael Okay... Oh, no, no, no, no! Fake tree. No, no!
36677 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5539 Pam No, it has the little...
36678 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5539 Michael Pam, no, no. Holly's coming from New Hampshire. Somebody from New Hampshire looks at that and thinks it's a burning cross. No, no. I want you to go and get a real tree. Take some money. Thank you.
36679 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5539 Bass Player Hi, I'm looking for Michael Scott.
36680 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5539 Michael Yes, that's me. Come on it.
36681 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5540 Michael There's nothing classier than boring Jazz music. I am here to tell ya. And I made a bit of a judgment call. I hired one musician, because I thought, what's better, to hire an entire quartet for half an hour, or one bassist for the entire day?
36682 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5541 Pam Hey, uh, any volunteers to come with me to go buy a Christmas tree?
36683 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5541 Kevin I would, but I don't want to get dirty. There might be girls at the party.
36684 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5541 Pam Why do you always think that girls are gonna be at the party? No one invited girls. It's just us.
36685 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5541 Andy I will help. Although my 'brid', my hybrid, my Prius hybrid, won't fit a tree. Which is ironic, considering how many trees it saves on a daily basis.
36686 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5541 Kevin Yeah.
36687 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5541 Andy I do, however, have a hookup with a dude who has a pickup.
36688 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5541 Pam Oh, do you mean Darryl? That's a great idea. I'll ask him.
36689 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5541 Andy You know Darryl?
36690 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5541 Pam Yeah. He works here. We all know him.
36691 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5541 Andy I should come along, just 'cause he's my, you know, he's my hookup.
36692 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5541 Pam Cool.
36693 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5541 Darryl Come on, now, Justine, look... Listen, look, I've been planning this, okay? You cannot do this, Justine.
36694 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5541 Justine I'm not doing it! She told me she wants to have Christmas here.
36695 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5541 Darryl She did?
36696 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5541 Justine Yes. She wants to be around family for Christmas.
36697 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5542 Darryl I don't know... I thought I was enough family for my daughter.
36698 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5543 Darryl Don't come in, I'm busy.
36699 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5543 Andy It's cool, Darryl, I'm here too.
36700 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5543 Pam Hey, sorry, I really didn't want to come in. It's just that we have to go buy a new Christmas tree, and we're hoping we could borrow your truck.
36701 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5543 Darryl Uh, no.
36702 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5543 Andy Come on, it'll be fun. We could do doughnuts in the snow on the way back.
36703 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5543 Darryl No. Thank you for your interest in my truck.
36704 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5543 Pam Okay. Sorry. We'll uh, we'll leave you alone.
36705 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5543 Darryl Hey... You know what, I could use a breath of fresh air. Let's do it.
36706 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5544 Michael When Holly gets here, I want you to be very helpful to her.
36707 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5544 Erin I've looked her up online... there's nothing about her. She's made no impression on the internet.
36708 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5544 Michael She doesn't need an internet presence, you just know.
36709 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5544 Erin Oh...
36710 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5544 Toby Hey.
36711 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5544 Michael What the hell are you doing here? You're supposed to be in the courthouse.
36712 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5544 Toby Uh, we're on recess. I came for the party. Hey, everyone.
36713 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5544 Kevin Hi, Toby.
36714 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5545 Meredith What does the strangler look like? Is he gorgeous? He looks gorgeous in the drawings.
36715 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5545 Kevin Yeah.
36716 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5545 Meredith That scowl.
36717 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5545 Toby I can't talk about it or I'll get removed from the jury.
36718 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5545 Michael And then he will come back here and replace Holly, so stop asking him questions.
36719 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5546 Toby I know people are only this excited to talk to me because of the trial. But, they talk to me for a while, and maybe people realize I have something to say. And then one day, we're just talking.
36720 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5547 Dwight You've reached the voice mail of Dwight Kurt Schrute. Please leave...
36721 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5547 Dwight Ahhhhhhh!!!! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!
36722 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5547 Jim Stop! Stop!
36723 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5547 Dwight Ahh!
36724 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5547 Jim Oh... oh!
36725 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5548 Dwight I have no feeling in my fingers or pen1s. But I think it was worth it.
36726 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5549 Dwight Haahh!!
36727 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5550 Jim Um, I was laying on the ground, defenseless, and uh, he just kept throwing 'em until he exhausted himself. And, uh, then... "How 'bout icing it? lol. Dwight."
36728 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Holly Hi.
36729 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Erin Hello.
36730 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Holly Is there any way I can get a hand with these, please?
36731 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Erin I'm really sorry, I can't help you. I'm waiting for my boss' pretty friend to arrive.
36732 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Michael There she is. Hey. Erin, would you help her, for God's sake?
36733 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Erin Oh, you're Holly! Of course. Sorry.
36734 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Michael Hello.
36735 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Holly Well, well, well, if it isn't Michael Scott. You old b*st*rd.
36736 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Michael Well, I never thought I'd see your face around these parts, you old b*st*rd.
36737 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Holly Well I did show my face around these parts, you old b*st*rd.
36738 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Michael Why, you're some sorta wise guy, huh?
36739 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Holly I most certainly am.
36740 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Michael Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!
36741 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Holly Unnnnnnngh!
36742 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Michael D'oh!
36743 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Holly Oh, Homey.
36744 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Jim Okay... Holly's back.
36745 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Michael Hi. Hi. Oh...
36746 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Holly Oh, huggy monster!
36747 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Michael Oh no, not the huggy monster! I don't wanna die! I don't wanna die! I don't wanna die! Wow. Well, everybody, you remember Holly.
36748 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Holly Hi.
36749 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Kevin Did you bring us anything from Nashua?
36750 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Holly Oh, yeah. I brought um, some maple candy. But I have to admit, I got a little hungry on the drive, and I ate some of them.
36751 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Michael That's adorable.
36752 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Holly Would you put those out?
36753 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Erin To throw out? Or put out, like, six pieces for everyone?
36754 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Holly Oh, it's so nice to be back. It looks beautiful in here. Super classy. It's like a party for limousine drivers.
36755 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Michael Well, you came on the day of our Christmas party.
36756 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Holly Oh, it's fabulous. I love what you did.
36757 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Michael Isn't it wonderful? We love it here. Don't you love it? All right, let me show you to your desk. I show you to your desk.
36758 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Holly Watch out for my guns they're both loaded.
36759 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Michael What kind of guns do you have? Six-shooter?
36760 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Jim Aww...
36761 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5551 Holly It's a pea shoot...
36762 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5552 Michael This is weird. I can't believe you're here. This feels like you never left. Doesn't it?
36763 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5552 Holly Yeah, kind of.
36764 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5552 Michael Oh...
36765 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5552 Holly Oh...
36766 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5552 Michael Oh, and you have a Woody. Bah! Oh, I love toy...
36767 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5552 Holly AJ gave me that.
36768 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5552 Michael Well, that's understandable. Still raw. Woody your favorite character?
36769 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5552 Holly Mmhmm.
36770 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5552 Michael You know who my favorite character in Toy Story is? Andy's mom.
36771 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5552 Holly Why?
36772 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5552 Michael Because without Andy's mom, there's no plot. And without any plot, there is no movie.
36773 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5552 Holly That is a really good point. AJ said he hadn't seen any of the Toy Story movies.
36774 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5552 Michael You're kidding me. Ahh!
36775 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5552 Holly No. I know. I was like, "What? Are you serious?"
36776 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5552 Michael What a douche bag!
36777 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5552 Holly Get a life!
36778 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5552 Michael Get a... yeah! Good riddance.
36779 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5552 Holly We sat down and we watched them all in one day.
36780 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5552 Michael Mmhmm.
36781 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5552 Holly Now he's the biggest Toy Story fanatic ever.
36782 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5552 Michael Good for him.
36783 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5552 Holly Next day I found him in my bed.
36784 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5552 Michael Really? That's creepy. How did AJ get in your house?
36785 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5552 Holly We live together.
36786 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5552 Michael Oh, you do?
36787 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5552 Holly He had a little note pinned to him that said, "You've got a friend in me."
36788 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5552 Michael Yeah, Randy Newman's the best.
36789 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5552 Holly Yeah. I love him.
36790 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5552 Michael Me too.
36791 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5553 Andy Christmas tree, Christmas tree. Won't you be my Christmas tree.
36792 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5553 Pam Hey, how about this one?
36793 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5553 Andy Ehh, seems a little full of itself, right? Kind of a pretty boy? What if we got a really beat up one, like on Charlie Brown. And we just loved it for what it is?
36794 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5553 Pam Maybe. I mean...
36795 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5553 Darryl I just, no, she be talking to your mom or something. This is my daughter too, Justine! You seem to think, oh... pick a damn tree already.
36796 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5553 Pam Um, hey, Darryl, listen, it's none of my business, but if I couldn't have Cece for Christmas, I'd be really upset too.
36797 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5553 Andy I don't have kids or anything, but if my grandmother ever dies, I'm going to kill myself.
36798 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5553 Darryl Jada don't want to spend Christmas with me. She told her mom it wasn't as much fun. And how could she say that? You know, I took her to the toy store to buy her own presents.
36799 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5553 Pam Well Darryl, no kid wants to buy their own Christmas presents.
36800 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5553 Darryl Her mom wants me to take her to mass. I guess that's something to do.
36801 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5553 Pam No, you should have her mom do the boring Christmas stuff on her time. You should be associated with the fun parts of Christmas.
36802 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5553 Darryl How do I do that?
36803 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5553 Pam Bring her to the party. Yeah, we'll have Santa, and we'll play games with her. It'll be a lot of fun.
36804 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5553 Andy Yes.
36805 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5553 Pam You'll be Mr. Christmas by the end of the night.
36806 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5554 Pam Hey guys, the tree's here.
36807 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5554 Michael Hey.
36808 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5554 Andy Nobody hug me, I'm covered in tree sap, so...
36809 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5554 Oscar Why would someone hug you?
36810 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5554 Michael Hey there, Jada. Nice to see you again. I'm Santa Claus. Welcome.
36811 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5554 Darryl Are you serious?
36812 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5554 Michael It's a sophisticated take.
36813 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5554 Jada He doesn't look like Santa Claus.
36814 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5554 Darryl No, he doesn't. I told her Santa would be here.
36815 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5554 Michael Yeah, well, I was told that Holly would be here, single and ready to date. And we all got misled.
36816 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5554 Pam Who told you that?
36817 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5554 Michael Nora Ephron, in every romantic comedy ever made.
36818 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5555 Phyllis So is it an open relationship?
36819 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5555 Holly Oh, God, no.
36820 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5555 Kelly Well, you're almost 40. Oh, do you not want kids?
36821 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5555 Holly Oh, I want kids. I really want kids. But AJ and I are practically engaged. We talk about spending our lives together.
36822 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5555 Kelly So where's the ring?
36823 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5555 Pam Kelly! Um, how are you adjusting to the move?
36824 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5555 Phyllis Nobody cares about that. Look, you have to make him commit, or kick his butt to the curb.
36825 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5555 Pam You guys, I don't think any of us are really qualified to be giving Holly personal advice about her love life.
36826 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5555 Erin Yeah, I mean, maybe Holly's not in any position to be shooing guys away.
36827 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5556 Erin I don't get it! I'm sorry. I just, I don't get it!
36828 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5557 Holly Okay, listen, I'm gonna tell him that if he doesn't propose by the end of this year, we're over.
36829 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5557 Pam Wow, an ultimatum.
36830 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5557 Holly Yeah.
36831 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5557 Pam It doesn't really seem like you.
36832 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5557 Kelly That is a great idea. Ultimatums are key. Basically, nobody does anything for me anymore unless I threaten to kill myself.
36833 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5558 Jim Don't. Stop, Dwight! Dwight, stop! Dwight, stop!
36834 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5558 Dwight Oh, no. Oh, no!
36835 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5558 Jim Stop!
36836 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5558 Dwight Oh, no. Yes, taste my wrath!
36837 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5558 Jim Okay. Okay. Okay.
36838 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5558 Dwight Huh? You like that?
36839 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5558 Jim Seriously!
36840 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5558 Dwight Huh?
36841 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5558 Jim Okay. Okay.
36842 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5559 Dwight Yes, I have a wig for every single person in the office. You never know when your gonna need to bear a passing resemblance to someone.
36843 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5560 Jim I just want it to stop.
36844 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5561 Pam So, cool right?
36845 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5561 Ryan There's no connection between the origin story and the quest.
36846 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5561 Pam Okay.
36847 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5561 Ryan We need to know who Jimmy Halpert was before he was bitten by the bear. Otherwise, it's the bear's quest.
36848 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5561 Pam Okay, well, I just sorta meant, like, cute, right?
36849 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5561 Ryan Well, did you come here for help, or did you come here for me to tell you how great it is?
36850 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5561 Pam I mean, help, if it's something simple, like add page numbers or laminate it or...
36851 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5561 Ryan Well, it sounds like you know what you want. It's also a little derivative of a serias called 'Bear Man'. Did you look that up?
36852 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5561 Pam No.
36853 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5561 Ryan Okay.
36854 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5562 Toby Oh, Jim. Hey.
36855 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5562 Jim Hey, Toby.
36856 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5562 Toby There's this female uh, uh, stenographer at the courthouse...
36857 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5562 Jim No way.
36858 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5562 Toby Who looks exactly like you.
36859 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5562 Jim That's increadible.
36860 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5562 Toby Yeah. No, it's uncanny.
36861 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5562 Jim You know what's crazy?
36862 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5562 Toby What?
36863 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5562 Jim I can't reconnect with you right now. Hold on one second. Excuse me.
36864 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5563 Michael I guess there are just some people who you stay together with when you transfer, and some people you don't. And that's just the way it is. And I can be mature about that.
36865 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5564 Angela It's so cold. Even with my coat on.
36866 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5564 Meredith Maybe your senator boyfriend has a blanket in his car... for screwing Americans.
36867 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5564 Gabe Yet another opportunity where a blanket would have come in handy.
36868 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5565 Holly You guys, this has to stop. Someone could have really gotten hurt.
36869 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5565 Michael What if Meredith was taking her smoking break below that window? You know what would have happened? The shards of glass would have shaved her face right off. And, yes, it might have been funny. But it also would have been incredibly tragic.
36870 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5565 Dwight I could not agree more. And just want to state for the record that I am intending to sue Jim for acute psychological distress.
36871 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5565 Jim What are you talking about? You're the one terrorizing me.
36872 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5565 Dwight With snowballs, Jim? With fluffy little snowballs? No. I thought we were just playing.
36873 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5565 Holly Dwight's right. What you did was dangerous and inappropriate. I'm really surprised at you guys. Last time I was here, you were both best friends.
36874 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5565 Michael All this arguing reminds me of a very funny story. You see this on my desk? Know who gave me this? My girlfriend Tara, who lives in New York City.
36875 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5565 Dwight Wait, what girlfriend?
36876 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5565 Michael I haven't told you about her.
36877 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5565 Dwight I find that unlikely. You email me when you get a new zit.
36878 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5565 Michael I'm a man in my mid-40s and I still get zits. I think that's pretty interesting. But you know what? I am not on trial here. The Scranton strangler is. So, anyway, we have this great weekend, and she drives me to the airport, and we get to JFK, but I am flying out of LaGuardia. So we laugh and laugh and laugh, and then we spend the rest of the day walking around Slo-mo, drinking latte. And at the end of the day, she gives me this, and she says, "Michael, maybe next time, you should take a cab."
36879 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5565 Holly I didn't know you had a girlfriend.
36880 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5565 Michael I do. She is.
36881 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5566 Michael Did you see her face? Well it seems to me that there is a person sitting out there in the annex that still has feelings for Michael G. Scott. And it ain't Tara.
36882 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5567 Phyllis So you went homemade this year.
36883 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5567 Pam Yup.
36884 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5567 Phyllis Yeah. Money problems, is that what this is about? I mean, oh, dear, I don't think we can help you out.
36885 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5567 Pam No, no. Jim had a great year, actually. I just wanted to get your opinion.
36886 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5567 Phyllis Are you good at homemade?
36887 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5567 Pam Look at this.
36888 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5567 Phyllis Yeah...
36889 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5568 Holly Who did this? It's obvious to me I'm not welcome here, but somebody better tell me who did this, or else I'm leaving.
36890 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5568 Phyllis Well, I don't think Erin seems to like you.
36891 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5568 Erin That's not true. I don't know her enough to make a decision even.
36892 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5568 Michael What happened? What happened? Toby, what did you do? I think Toby's very jealous of all the attention you've been getting.
36893 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5568 Toby No, I would never ever do anything like that. But it does seem like something you would do.
36894 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5568 Michael Oh, really? Turn it on me. Well, isn't that nice? Thank you very much.
36895 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5568 Kevin Wait, wait, guys, listen. Toy Story is all about toys that come to life when people aren't looking. You don't think... it's not possible... that Woody did this to himself.
36896 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5568 Michael It is Christmas.
36897 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5568 Angela No, it really seems like something Michael would do.
36898 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5568 Michael Mmhmm. Mmhmm. Well, the fact that you would think that points to the possibility that it is probably not me. And that I have been framed.
36899 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5568 Andy Why would anyone frame you for that?
36900 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5568 Jim Okay, I'm sorry, why are we discounting this whole "Woody came to life" thing so quickly?
36901 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5568 Michael Ahhhhhh! Surprise! It was part of the party. Pretty funny, huh?
36902 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5568 Holly You think this is funny?
36903 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5568 Michael I don't. But someday I think we will laugh about this... when we tell our kids...
36904 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5568 Jim Yikes.
36905 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5568 Kevin Oh no, that's, that's not happening.
36906 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5568 Dwight Dear God in heaven.
36907 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5568 Michael All right. Shh. Okay, you know what? Holly, I didn't mean to do it. It was an accident. An accident borne of jealous feelings.
36908 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5568 Holly Michael, you have to let this go. I'm with someone else. I don't feel that way anymore.
36909 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5568 Michael Oh, really? You certainly seemed jealous when I told you about my fake girlfriend. That's what Jim and Dwight thought.
36910 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5568 Dwight Okay, hey, hey, hey...
36911 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5568 Jim No, fake girlfriends are always wrong.
36912 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5568 Holly You made up a fake girlfriend to see if I'd get jealous? And you destroyed a gift my boyfriend gave me? What is the matter with you?
36913 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5568 Michael When you got transferred, and I drove you up to Nashua, you said, "Michael, I love you, but I can't do this." But then, with this other guy, you don't have any problem with a long-distance relationship, do you? And you know what, that is what is the matter with me.
36914 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5568 Holly Michael, I'm sorry.
36915 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5568 Michael And we did this whole stupid party for you.
36916 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5568 Erin No.
36917 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5568 Holly You guys, it wasn't my fault.
36918 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5568 Kevin Oh, nothing is ever your fault! Just like when you ate those maple candies that you brought for us!
36919 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5569 Erin I really think you're better off.
36920 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5569 Michael Mmm. Erin, would you do me a favor and find my street clothes for me, please?
36921 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5569 Erin Yeah. Is she an amazing cook or something?
36922 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5570 Jim "Hey, Pickles, Merry Christmas. Open immediately. Love, Swiss Cheese." Damn it, Dwight!
36923 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5570 Dwight Didn't think your affectionate nicknames would be your undoing, did you, Jim? Let that be a lesson to you all.
36924 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5571 Stanley So do they bring in food, or do you get to go out?
36925 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5571 Toby No, they bring it in.
36926 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5571 Stanley You lucky son of a bitch.
36927 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5572 Stanley I have been trying to get on jury duty every single year since I was 18 years old. To get to go sit in an air-conditioned room downtown, judging people while my lunch is paid for... that is the life.
36928 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5573 Jada Daddy, I'm bored. Can I read my book in your office?
36929 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5573 Darryl Sure, sweetie.
36930 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5574 Pam Jada, Darryl, I'm so glad I found you guys. A grinch stole the star from on top of the Christmas tree and is hiding it in the warehouse somewhere. You want to go help me find him?
36931 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5575 Pam Oh, my goodness.
36932 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5575 Andy I am the mean old grinch. The little girl who wishes to win back the Christmas star must first succeed at these challenges.
36933 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5575 Darryl Ohh, that sounds fun and Christmasy, you mean old grinch!
36934 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5575 Jada What kind of challenges.
36935 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5575 Andy Wahhh...
36936 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5575 Pam Something like an obstacle course, Mr. Grinch?
36937 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5575 Andy No. You must answer topical political questions. How many congressmen is the state of Pennsylvania guaranteed? And what other state has the equal number?
36938 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5575 Jada I don't know.
36939 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5575 Andy Do you know the other state?
36940 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5575 Darryl Maybe the grinch hid the Christmas star, and we could ask for clues, and he'll tell us if we're hot or cold.
36941 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5575 Andy The star has been hidden. Is the little girl hot or cold? Well, it turns out she's burning up because the star is right behind her ear!
36942 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5575 Darryl And the game's over seconds later.
36943 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5576 Angela I'm so glad you could come.
36944 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5576 Robert It's nice. I know.
36945 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5576 Angela Hey everybody, this is my boyfriend, Senator Robert Lipton.
36946 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5576 Robert Hi.
36947 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5576 Oscar Senator, it's an honor. I'm Angela's friend Oscar.
36948 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5576 Robert Oscar. A pleasure.
36949 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5577 Oscar Robert seems great. He's very handsome, firm handshake, he's gay, good sense of humor.
36950 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5578 AJ Hi.
36951 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5578 Erin Hello.
36952 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5578 AJ I'm, uh, I'm AJ. I'm here to see Holly. It's kind of a surprise.
36953 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5578 Erin I know who you are, and I think you should go.
36954 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5578 Kevin I bet you didn't even bring us anything, did you?
36955 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5578 AJ Was I supposed to bring you guys something?
36956 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5578 Holly What? AJ!
36957 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5578 AJ Surprise.
36958 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5578 Holly What are you doing here? Oh, my God.
36959 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5578 AJ I wanted to see you. How are you?
36960 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5578 Holly Wow! Nice.
36961 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5578 AJ Oh, God, you look great.
36962 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5578 Holly Oh... when did you get here?
36963 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5578 AJ Just now.
36964 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5578 Michael Hey
36965 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5578 AJ Just now. Hey, Michael.
36966 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5578 Michael Nice to see you again, AJ. Welcome.
36967 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5578 AJ Pleased to see you. Thank you.
36968 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5578 Michael Good trip down?
36969 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5578 AJ Yeah, it was great.
36970 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5578 Michael Good, good. Good to see you. Have fun. Enjoy the partay.
36971 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5579 Michael I am dead inside.
36972 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5580 Darryl What do you want, baby? We got some granola, got some cupcakes, chips, apples, pies...
36973 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5580 Jada You have a whole room of vending machines?
36974 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5580 Creed I know. Isn't it something?
36975 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5580 Jada I can't decide what I want.
36976 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5581 Darrly Merry Christmas.
36977 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5581 Jada Merry Christmas.
36978 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5581 Pam Thank you.
36979 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5581 Jada And Merry Christmas.
36980 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5581 Meredith Thank you.
36981 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5581 Jada And Merry Christ... mas.
36982 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5582 Robert Thank you so much.
36983 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5582 Jada Merry Christmas. And Merry Christmas.
36984 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5582 Oscar Merry Christmas to you.
36985 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5583 Jada Merry Christmas.
36986 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5583 Bass Player Oh, thank you.
36987 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5584 Kevin For your feet!
36988 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5585 Ryan It's amazing. It's so great. Thank you.
36989 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5586 Creed For me?
36990 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5586 Angela Yes.
36991 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5586 Creed Thank you very much.
36992 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5586 Angela Mmhmm.
36993 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5587 Angela I don't know if you guys have had a chance to use the new parking meters that accept credit cards, but Robert was instrumental in that legislation.
36994 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5587 Kevin Wow, that's awesome!
36995 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5587 Oscar A real David and Goliath story.
36996 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5587 Robert I'm just so touched that she's so interested in my work.
36997 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5587 Angela I am.
36998 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5587 Meredith The real problem is the teachers' union.
36999 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5587 Angela Zip it, Meredith.
37000 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5587 Meredith No. You tell me why my kid is 17 and still can't read.
37001 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5587 Ryan Hey, who's in charge of making drinks around here? Is there a bartender?
37002 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5587 Angela You are. You make your own drink.
37003 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5587 Oscar I'll make it. What are you drinking.
37004 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5587 Ryan An 'F' train to Brooklyn. Extra bitters.
37005 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5587 Oscar I don't know how to make that.
37006 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5587 Ryan Okay, well, I'll just stick with my mojito.
37007 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5587 Angela And you know those annoying geese at the park? Well, he's helping eradicate them as well. I mean, I think they've really become a pest.
37008 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5587 Meredith Annoying.
37009 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5587 Angela Yes.
37010 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5588 Pam I don't think he's in the ceiling, babe.
37011 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5588 Jim Well, uh... I don't think any of us really know. Alright.
37012 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5588 Pam Is it... is it pebbles from that beach in Jamaica?
37013 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5588 Jim Ooh, go easy with the shaking.
37014 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5588 Pam Oh, my God.
37015 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5588 Jim You like it?
37016 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5588 Pam I love it.
37017 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5589 Jim Yup, I do make great Christmas gifts. But I couldn't make that.
37018 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5590 Jim Alright, my turn.
37019 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5590 Pam Oh, um, it's just, I didn't, I didn't have a lot of time, so that's just a place holder.
37020 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5590 Jim Right. Of course. "The Adventures of Jimmy Halpert." Oh, my God. This is awesome! That's my bike. That's my desk. And that is my daughter.
37021 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5591 Jim I mean...
37022 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5592 Pam Michael, wait!
37023 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5592 Michael Oh, hey, hey, no, don't run. You're gonna slip.
37024 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5592 Pam That's good advice.
37025 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5592 Michael Yup. I read this story about a woman who slipped on some black ice, and she hit her head and went into a coma forever. And then every day, her husband went and visited her in the hospital until she died.
37026 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5592 Pam That's a sad story.
37027 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5592 Michael Yeah, well, at least he was married.
37028 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5592 Pam Oh, okay, Michael, slow down. Everything's gonna be okay.
37029 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5592 Michael No, it's not. It's not. Oh, man, I can tell you confidently that it is not gonna be okay.
37030 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5592 Pam I shouldn't tell you this, but... AJ won't commit to Holly. And she's gonna tell him that if he doesn't propose to her by the end of the year, it's over.
37031 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5592 Michael Really?
37032 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5592 Pam Really. And I don't know about you, but I don't know of a lot of happy marriages that start off with an ultimatum, do you?
37033 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5592 Michael No.
37034 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5592 Pam So just be patient.
37035 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5592 Michael Yeah. I mean, I can wait till then. Come here. I don't want you to fall.
37036 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5593 Jim I surrender.
37037 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5593 Dwight I do not accept your surrender. There's only one way that I would ever relent.
37038 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5593 Jim Anything. You got it.
37039 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5593 Dwight You hit Pam in the face with a snowball while I watch.
37040 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5593 Jim You're a psychopath.
37041 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5593 Dwight I'll take that as a no.
37042 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5594 Michael I was in the mall, and I saw that, and I thought it had your name written all over it.
37043 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5594 Kelly Michael, this is the gift that corporate gave us that I picked out. You're re-gifting this to me.
37044 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5594 Michael No, that's not... no, I went to the mall and I picked that out especially for you.
37045 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5594 Kelly Oh, yeah? Well, show me the receipt.
37046 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5594 Michael From the mall. That...
37047 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5594 Kelly This is a fast food receipt from April.
37048 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5594 Michael Well, that...
37049 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5594 Kelly God, how many number nines did you order?
37050 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5594 AJ Is everyone here kind of mean?
37051 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5594 Holly Oh, I think everyone's on edge because of the strangler trial.
37052 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5594 AJ Oh.
37053 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5594 Holly Hey, I'm so glad you came down. It's been so much harder than I expected.
37054 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5594 AJ Hey, what happened to Woody?
37055 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5594 Holly Oh, okay, get ready for this. You're not gonna believe it. I was making salad, and he fell right into the dressing. I mean, there was salad dressing all over him.
37056 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5594 AJ He smells awful.
37057 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5594 Holly It was blue cheese dressing.
37058 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5594 AJ Great.
37059 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5595 Darryl Hey, Mike.
37060 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5595 Michael Hey.
37061 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5595 Darryl We wanted to give you something.
37062 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5595 Michael Oh.
37063 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5595 Jada Merry Christmas.
37064 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5595 Michael Thank you. A Hostess apple pie! This is my favorite breakfast. How did you know that? Thank you very much.
37065 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5595 Darryl What do you say?
37066 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5595 Jada You're welcome.
37067 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5595 Michael Oh, you know, I seem to remember that Santa promised that he would listen to all the gifts you wanted for Christmas. Didn't he say that?
37068 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5595 Jada Yeah.
37069 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5595 Michael I think I know where he is.
37070 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5596 Jada A trampoline...
37071 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5596 Michael Mmhmm.
37072 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5596 Jada Video games.
37073 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5596 Michael Video games.
37074 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5596 Jada A DSi.
37075 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5596 Michael A DSi?
37076 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5596 Jada A horse.
37077 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5596 Michael A horse.
37078 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5596 Jada A pool.
37079 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5596 Michael You, are you sure you don't want a pony? You want a real horse?
37080 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5596 Jada Yes.
37081 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5596 Michael All right. You have to pick up after them.
37082 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5597 Pam Hey, sorry. I'm ready.
37083 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5597 Jim I don't want to go.
37084 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5597 Pam Oh... come on, bear man. Come on.
37085 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5597 Jim Have you ever seen 'em do that?
37086 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5597 Pam I'm sorry. I had no idea.
37087 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5597 Jim No, it's, it's okay. Okay.
37088 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5597 Pam Oh, my God. Oh, my God. No, no, no, no.
37089 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5597 Jim Okay. This is it.
37090 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5597 Pam What?
37091 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5597 Jim Go! Go! Go!
37092 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5597 Pam What? What is it? What? What is, oh, my God! Honey? Jim? Jim!
37093 7 11 Classy Christmas (Parts 1&2) 5598 Dwight In the end, the greatest snowball isn't a snowball at all. It's fear. Merry Christmas.
37094 7 13 Ultimatum 5599 Man Next up, secretary Schrute will read the minutes from Sunday's meeting.
37095 7 13 Ultimatum 5599 Dwight Minutes from previous meeting of Knights of the Night. No, Jim, hey!
37096 7 13 Ultimatum 5599 Jim Oh.
37097 7 13 Ultimatum 5599 Dwight This meeting is for Knights of the Night only.
37098 7 13 Ultimatum 5600 Dwight Knights of the Night are volunteer crime patrollers. We're often compared to the Guardian Angels, but we could not be more different from them. Seriously, we are nothing like the Guardian Angels. I mean, broad strokes purposes, sure. Think Guardian Angels. One of our many recent good deeds? We set out to capture the Scranton Strangler. Mission accomplished. Not by us.
37099 7 13 Ultimatum 5601 Jim I'm actually just looking for my Blackberry, so, carry on.
37100 7 13 Ultimatum 5601 Dwight No, no, no, no, no. I see how this movie ends. You make fun of me, everyone laughs, ha, ha, ha... screw you!
37101 7 13 Ultimatum 5601 Man Dwight, don't be bothered by your friend's presence.
37102 7 13 Ultimatum 5601 Dwight What are you going to do now? Are you going to make fun of our leader's weird voice? Huh? Dwight, don't be bothered by the . Over the line, Jim.
37103 7 13 Ultimatum 5601 Jim I'm just looking for my phone, so... pretend I'm not here.
37104 7 13 Ultimatum 5601 Dwight Fine. Minutes from previous meeting of Knights of the Night. That's our official name, Jim.
37105 7 13 Ultimatum 5601 Jim Sounds good.
37106 7 13 Ultimatum 5601 Dwight Reflective strips were glued to patrol jackets. Knights went outside with flashlights to test them.
37107 7 13 Ultimatum 5601 Jim Smart.
37108 7 13 Ultimatum 5601 Dwight And the rest was just stuff.
37109 7 13 Ultimatum 5601 Man Go ahead and read it, some people weren't here.
37110 7 13 Ultimatum 5601 Dwight Okay. Knights stayed outside to play flashlight tag.
37111 7 13 Ultimatum 5601 Jim Oh, come on, that sounds awesome.
37112 7 13 Ultimatum 5601 Member It was pretty cool.
37113 7 13 Ultimatum 5601 Jim Was it?
37114 7 13 Ultimatum 5601 Member It was fun.
37115 7 13 Ultimatum 5601 Dwight It was pretty awesome.
37116 7 13 Ultimatum 5601 Jim Hey! Yeah. No, I got it. Just leaving now.
37117 7 13 Ultimatum 5602 Michael January three, 2011. A day which will live in-famously. Holly Partridge Flax, otherwise known as Holly, otherwise otherwise known as a living, breathing angel, is engaged to another man. This is freaking me out. I- okay, let's switch to the happy video, okay? No, no, no, no, let's push through. We'll do this.
37118 7 13 Ultimatum 5603 Michael Today will either be the best or the worst day of my life. Holly gave AJ an ultimatum. He either proposes by New Year's or they break up. Now, if she's engaged, I'm gonna go crazy, and I'm gonna start attacking people. If she's not engaged, in all honesty, I may just burn this whole place to the ground out of happiness. Either way, I am going to need some talking down. And nobody talks me down like myself in a video talking me down.
37119 7 13 Ultimatum 5604 Michael Michael, I know what you're thinking. Holly's engaged to another man, and you want to kill yourself. It may seem like a good idea, but it's not.
37120 7 13 Ultimatum 5604 Erin Snot. Sorry, it sounded like you said it's snot. I am so sorry.
37121 7 13 Ultimatum 5604 Michael Okay, so killing yourself. I was just thinking about snot.
37122 7 13 Ultimatum 5605 Angela Good morning.
37123 7 13 Ultimatum 5605 Pam Hey, guys! Fun thing. The index cards on your desk are resolution cards. You write your New Year's resolution on them, I'll collect them, and then display them on... da-da-da-da-da! This! Resolution board.
37124 7 13 Ultimatum 5605 Dwight Wow. Did your baby draw that?
37125 7 13 Ultimatum 5605 Angela The glitter is blinding.
37126 7 13 Ultimatum 5605 Phyllis I think it's good.
37127 7 13 Ultimatum 5605 Pam It's gonna be fun.
37128 7 13 Ultimatum 5606 Pam I recently met Sue, the office administrator at Vance Refrigeration. She has this awesome wall full of fun initiatives and morale boosters and stuff. Sue just goes for it, she's awesome.
37129 7 13 Ultimatum 5607 Phyllis I know Sue. She's not that great. And you know her husband's in a wheelchair, right?
37130 7 13 Ultimatum 5608 Erin Okay, champagne.
37131 7 13 Ultimatum 5608 Michael Happy.
37132 7 13 Ultimatum 5608 Erin Sponge.
37133 7 13 Ultimatum 5608 Michael Sad. To soak up my tears.
37134 7 13 Ultimatum 5608 Erin Gummi bears and gummi worms.
37135 7 13 Ultimatum 5608 Michael Bears sad, worms happy. Come on, Erin.
37136 7 13 Ultimatum 5608 Erin Ukulele's happy?
37137 7 13 Ultimatum 5608 Michael Sad, something to break.
37138 7 13 Ultimatum 5608 Erin Chocolates.
37139 7 13 Ultimatum 5608 Michael For you, job well done.
37140 7 13 Ultimatum 5608 Erin Thank you! And two bottles of scotch.
37141 7 13 Ultimatum 5608 Michael Both sad.
37142 7 13 Ultimatum 5608 Erin And did you get the tickets?
37143 7 13 Ultimatum 5608 Michael I did! I did, indeed. Two front row center, to Paula Poundstone, Live in Poughkeepsie. Holly's favorite. I hope she doesn't call us up on stage. That would suck. "Hey, you think you can do my job better?" I don't know. "What's your name?" Michael.
37144 7 13 Ultimatum 5609 Erin I'm really excited for Michael either way. Because if Holly chooses to be with him, he will be so, so happy. And if not, he'll be avoiding the biggest mistake of his life!
37145 7 13 Ultimatum 5610 Pam Oh, hey, guys! I'd like to introduce you to a new little friend of mine. His name is New Year's resolution board.
37146 7 13 Ultimatum 5610 Michael Shaaa-shut up. Hello.
37147 7 13 Ultimatum 5610 Kelly What happened? Is there a ring?
37148 7 13 Ultimatum 5610 Michael So... high five me. We're back. To a happy... look at those! Mittens. Are those a present?
37149 7 13 Ultimatum 5610 Kelly Come on!
37150 7 13 Ultimatum 5610 Holly They're warm.
37151 7 13 Ultimatum 5610 Michael They're so fuzzy and warm! Let me feel those. Let me feel that. Put 'er there. Give me a good firm... ooh! That's a good firm handshake. You're hired! Yes, let's get right into the Anderson account, shall we? Yes, yes, right away.
37152 7 13 Ultimatum 5610 Dwight Hey, hey, hey. Want me to crank the thermostat up to 90, smoke her out? She can't keep those mittens on forever.
37153 7 13 Ultimatum 5610 Michael Yes, no, why? Stop! Yes.
37154 7 13 Ultimatum 5610 Kevin Congratu-ohhh.
37155 7 13 Ultimatum 5610 Kelly Wow.
37156 7 13 Ultimatum 5610 Michael Oh my God! That's it! That's it!
37157 7 13 Ultimatum 5610 Holly Oh, I get it. Everybody knows about the ultimatum.
37158 7 13 Ultimatum 5610 Kelly Yes, I told everyone.
37159 7 13 Ultimatum 5610 Holly Ha ha, ha ha!
37160 7 13 Ultimatum 5610 Kevin Hey! Right back atcha, bitch!
37161 7 13 Ultimatum 5611 Michael Happy! Happy, happy, happy, happy!
37162 7 13 Ultimatum 5611 Video Michael Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay, calm down, breathe.
37163 7 13 Ultimatum 5611 Michael I'm trying!
37164 7 13 Ultimatum 5611 Video Michael I said breathe!
37165 7 13 Ultimatum 5611 Michael I'm trying!
37166 7 13 Ultimatum 5611 Video Michael Wait a second, are you listening to music?
37167 7 13 Ultimatum 5611 Michael What?
37168 7 13 Ultimatum 5611 Video Michael Shut that off!
37169 7 13 Ultimatum 5611 Michael I'm not listening to music!
37170 7 13 Ultimatum 5611 Video Michael Fine, just go crazy for a little while! Lookin' good! You're lookin' good. Oh, I gotcha! I gotcha! I'm pulling you back! Michael dance off!
37171 7 13 Ultimatum 5611 Michael Go! Oh, that's nice.
37172 7 13 Ultimatum 5611 Video Michael Go!
37173 7 13 Ultimatum 5611 Michael Me? Okay.
37174 7 13 Ultimatum 5611 Erin Go!
37175 7 13 Ultimatum 5611 Video Michael Nice! We're gonna calm down later.
37176 7 13 Ultimatum 5611 Michael I'm good.
37177 7 13 Ultimatum 5611 Erin Oh, yeah!
37178 7 13 Ultimatum 5611 Michael Oh my God!
37179 7 13 Ultimatum 5612 Pam Hey, Dwight, I'm collecting resolution cards.
37180 7 13 Ultimatum 5612 Dwight Not doing that.
37181 7 13 Ultimatum 5612 Pam Why not?
37182 7 13 Ultimatum 5612 Dwight I've achieved plenty and there's no better than the best.
37183 7 13 Ultimatum 5612 Andy Drink less caffeine. That's a good one, Pam. Here's mine.
37184 7 13 Ultimatum 5612 Pam Learn to cook for one!
37185 7 13 Ultimatum 5612 Andy Yeah. I love cooking, but I always find myself throwing out half the food that I prepare, so... two years is time to just start preparing the right amount of food for the right number of people, which is one.
37186 7 13 Ultimatum 5612 Pam Well, maybe you'll meet someone.
37187 7 13 Ultimatum 5612 Andy No, some people don't just meet someone. I'm fine with it. Really. This is not a pity party. It's not a party at all. It's just sad.
37188 7 13 Ultimatum 5612 Pam Angela.
37189 7 13 Ultimatum 5612 Angela Yes.
37190 7 13 Ultimatum 5612 Pam Make time for romance!
37191 7 13 Ultimatum 5612 Oscar Who's the senator?
37192 7 13 Ultimatum 5612 Angela My boyfriend.
37193 7 13 Ultimatum 5612 Oscar Oh, you mean the state senator. I'm sorry, I was confused, because you accidentally wrote 'the senator'.
37194 7 13 Ultimatum 5612 Angela Ugh.
37195 7 13 Ultimatum 5612 Dwight Wait, it's that easy? That's not a resolution, that's just... something I want to do. Okay, fine. I can do that... My resolution is... meet a loose woman.
37196 7 13 Ultimatum 5612 Angela Oh, God.
37197 7 13 Ultimatum 5612 Andy That's a good one.
37198 7 13 Ultimatum 5612 Dwight Yeah.
37199 7 13 Ultimatum 5612 Andy You know what, that's my new one. I'm taking that one, too.
37200 7 13 Ultimatum 5612 Dwight Awesome.
37201 7 13 Ultimatum 5612 Darryl You know what you guys should do? Go to the bookstore at lunch. There's tons of cuties and it's easy to talk to them. 'Hey, what book is that? Cool, let's hang out tonight. s*x already? Whoa...'
37202 7 13 Ultimatum 5612 Andy The bookstore?
37203 7 13 Ultimatum 5612 Dwight It's that easy?
37204 7 13 Ultimatum 5612 Darryl I'll come with you, show you how it's done.
37205 7 13 Ultimatum 5612 Dwight Okay, I'll drive.
37206 7 13 Ultimatum 5613 Darryl My resolution is to read more. And if someone else is driving me to the bookstore, I can eat my PB&J in the car. 2011 is coming up all Darryl.
37207 7 13 Ultimatum 5614 Michael Hello! Oh, somebody's got a new phone!
37208 7 13 Ultimatum 5614 Holly Yeah.
37209 7 13 Ultimatum 5614 Michael That is neat.
37210 7 13 Ultimatum 5614 Holly I got it for Christmas. I'm so out of my league here.
37211 7 13 Ultimatum 5614 Michael E.T. phone Holly. Holly like phone?
37212 7 13 Ultimatum 5614 Holly Holly misses old phone.
37213 7 13 Ultimatum 5614 Michael Why?
37214 7 13 Ultimatum 5614 Holly New phone is confusing. Gets bad reception.
37215 7 13 Ultimatum 5614 Michael Bummer.
37216 7 13 Ultimatum 5614 Holly Bummer.
37217 7 13 Ultimatum 5614 Michael Reese's Pieces.
37218 7 13 Ultimatum 5614 Holly Reese's Pieces?
37219 7 13 Ultimatum 5614 Kelly Oh, God, please stop!
37220 7 13 Ultimatum 5614 Michael I still have my old phone. This thing... indestructible.
37221 7 13 Ultimatum 5614 Holly Oh, I should get this. Hey! Oh, no, don't go see that one, I want to see that together. Yeah, go see that action one. Okay. I love you, too. All right.
37222 7 13 Ultimatum 5615 Michael Holly doesn't seem to be engaged, but she's talking to AJ like she is. I can't figure it out. Do you think she's already dating a different AJ?
37223 7 13 Ultimatum 5615 Pam I don't think so.
37224 7 13 Ultimatum 5615 Michael When you broke it off with Roy, did you still tell him you loved him?
37225 7 13 Ultimatum 5615 Pam No.
37226 7 13 Ultimatum 5615 Michael But you did still love him.
37227 7 13 Ultimatum 5615 Pam I'm not... I'm not going to have...
37228 7 13 Ultimatum 5615 Michael Do you love him now?
37229 7 13 Ultimatum 5615 Pam No! Just talk to her.
37230 7 13 Ultimatum 5615 Michael No. She'd just resent me. Or worse! She would think of me as her friend. Oh, hi friend! Blegh.
37231 7 13 Ultimatum 5615 Phyllis I'll talk to her, Michael.
37232 7 13 Ultimatum 5615 Michael You think she'd talk to you?
37233 7 13 Ultimatum 5615 Phyllis Why wouldn't she?
37234 7 13 Ultimatum 5615 Michael That's true. She's really nice. She'd talk to anybody. Why don't you bring Erin to balance you out?
37235 7 13 Ultimatum 5615 Pam There's a plan.
37236 7 13 Ultimatum 5616 Andy All right! We should divide up by section. I will take romance and travel.
37237 7 13 Ultimatum 5616 Dwight I'll take the entirety of the second floor.
37238 7 13 Ultimatum 5616 Darryl I got that cutie behind the counter.
37239 7 13 Ultimatum 5617 Bookstore employee Well, if you read a lot, you should check out our e-readers. They're really neat.
37240 7 13 Ultimatum 5617 Darryl Whoa, I work at a paper company, those things terrify me. They could put us out of business, you know? I heard those machines hold like, ten books at once.
37241 7 13 Ultimatum 5617 Bookstore employee Actually, it's ten thousand.
37242 7 13 Ultimatum 5617 Darryl Holy , what? Let me see that. It's so light. Like a croissant.
37243 7 13 Ultimatum 5618 Andy Hi.
37244 7 13 Ultimatum 5618 Customer Hi.
37245 7 13 Ultimatum 5618 Dwight Welcome.
37246 7 13 Ultimatum 5618 Andy Let us know if you need anything.
37247 7 13 Ultimatum 5618 Customer Thanks.
37248 7 13 Ultimatum 5618 Andy Why did we pretend like we work here?
37249 7 13 Ultimatum 5618 Dwight Is that what we were doing?
37250 7 13 Ultimatum 5618 Darryl Hey, how'd you do?
37251 7 13 Ultimatum 5618 Andy Good!
37252 7 13 Ultimatum 5618 Dwight Good. Real good.
37253 7 13 Ultimatum 5618 Darryl Really?
37254 7 13 Ultimatum 5618 Dwight Yeah, yeah!
37255 7 13 Ultimatum 5618 Andy We kinda nailed it.
37256 7 13 Ultimatum 5618 Dwight Yeah, pretty much. But, you know, this place is kinda tapped out, so. Let's roll.
37257 7 13 Ultimatum 5618 Darryl Cool.
37258 7 13 Ultimatum 5618 Dwight Okay. What'd you get?
37259 7 13 Ultimatum 5618 Darryl A book about oceans.
37260 7 13 Ultimatum 5618 Dwight Oh, really? What else? Let me see.
37261 7 13 Ultimatum 5618 Darryl No, that's uh. p0rn. Pornography. Old lady... nasty... p0rn.
37262 7 13 Ultimatum 5619 Phyllis Follow my lead. Hey, want some company?
37263 7 13 Ultimatum 5619 Erin Want some company?
37264 7 13 Ultimatum 5619 Holly Oh, sure. Have a seat. How were your breaks?
37265 7 13 Ultimatum 5619 Phyllis Oh, really good, I went to Portugal.
37266 7 13 Ultimatum 5619 Erin I went to Portugal.
37267 7 13 Ultimatum 5619 Holly Oh, wow... you went together?
37268 7 13 Ultimatum 5619 Phyllis No.
37269 7 13 Ultimatum 5619 Erin No.
37270 7 13 Ultimatum 5619 Phyllis So, I've just gotta know. What's going on with you and AJ?
37271 7 13 Ultimatum 5619 Holly Nothing really happened. I mean, I know I made a big deal about this whole New Year's deadline, but um, it came and went... and, we're still together.
37272 7 13 Ultimatum 5619 Phyllis You didn't break up with AJ at all? I mean, not even for a week to make him buy you a present?
37273 7 13 Ultimatum 5619 Holly It just wasn't fair of me to give him an ultimatum in the first place. The whole thing is totally my fault. But we're going to be just fine. Just fine.
37274 7 13 Ultimatum 5620 Darryl Whoa! Hold on.
37275 7 13 Ultimatum 5620 Dwight I am not going back until I fulfill my resolution.
37276 7 13 Ultimatum 5620 Darryl Oh, no, no, no. Uh-uh.
37277 7 13 Ultimatum 5620 Dwight Come on, why not? I've never been in one before. I'm tired of being Mr. Perfect Role Model all the time.
37278 7 13 Ultimatum 5620 Darryl I'm telling you, don't do it. I've got nothing against strip clubs, but I do have something against them at noon on a Monday. The day shift at a strip club? You can't unsee that.
37279 7 13 Ultimatum 5620 Dwight Well, we can't just go back, I mean, we came out to meet women.
37280 7 13 Ultimatum 5620 Andy Hey, there's a roller rink across the street! There's always chicks at the rink.
37281 7 13 Ultimatum 5620 Darryl What kind of chicks are you going to meet there?
37282 7 13 Ultimatum 5620 Andy I don't know. Single moms at a skating party. Sweet sixteen, ten year reunion parties.
37283 7 13 Ultimatum 5620 Dwight Chicks fall down, need help getting back up.
37284 7 13 Ultimatum 5620 Andy Roller derby practice!
37285 7 13 Ultimatum 5620 Darryl We're going skating.
37286 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Pam The goal of this meeting is to get everybody excited about their resolutions! Who's been good about their resolutions so far? Erin. Tell us about it.
37287 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Erin Well, my goal was to learn a new word every single day. And I must say that it is going immensely.
37288 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Pam Cool! Here's a little 'way to go' gift from Sabre.
37289 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Gabe Intercepted!
37290 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Erin Hey! Gabe.
37291 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Gabe Whoops.
37292 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Pam Creed. I noticed you don't have a resolution on the board. What's yours?
37293 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Creed I want to do a cartwheel. But real casual-like. Not make a big deal about it. But I know everybody saw it. Just one stunning, gorgeous cartwheel.
37294 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Pam How is it going?
37295 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Creed I'm having a little trouble motivating.
37296 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Pam One of the hardest parts about making resolutions is keeping them. In fact, most resolutions are abandoned by February.
37297 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Michael Or sooner.
37298 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Pam Yeah.
37299 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Michael That's not a joke.
37300 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Pam But that's okay. Because it's not about being perfect, it's about trying. In fact, why don't we go around and confess some of the ways that we've fudged on some of our resolutions?
37301 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Kevin Well, I said that I would eat more vegetables, and I haven't yet. But it's okay. I still have time, since last year, I ate none.
37302 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Pam Okay, well, my confession is that today I had a sip of coffee. But that's fine.
37303 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Michael Is it?
37304 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Pam Yes! Because with all of your support, by this time next year maybe I'll be down to one glass of iced tea a week.
37305 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Michael Next year? Come-I mean, what is the point? What is the point of that? I made a resolution to floss, and I did it. 12:01, January first, BAM! Blood everywhere.
37306 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Kevin Well not all of us are Michael Freaking Scott.
37307 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Michael What is wrong with you people? Can't you stick to anything? Erin, I want you to go to the kitchen and get me some vegetables. Creed, you say you want to do a cartwheel? Nothing's stopping you. Come on, old man, do a cartwheel!
37308 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Creed Well, I can't, I don't know how.
37309 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Michael You're just gonna somersault around for the rest of your life and you know what's going to be on your tombstone? Loser.
37310 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Creed My tombstone's already made, thank you.
37311 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Michael Just do a cartwheel!
37312 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Erin This is all I could find.
37313 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Michael Eat it.
37314 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Pam You don't have to do that, Kevin.
37315 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Kevin I don't know. I'm glad this is happening. Thank you, Michael.
37316 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Kelly Why are you eating stem first?
37317 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Kevin This is a new food for me, how else should I eat it?
37318 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Ryan The other way.
37319 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Kevin Can I get some cheese whiz? Or hollandaise?
37320 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Michael No. No cheese whiz, no hollandaise, no chocolate sauce, just eat it. Come on. Here comes the airplane, there you go. Open, open, into the hanger, there you go.
37321 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Pam Oh, Michael.
37322 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Michael Eat it. Put it in your mouth, and just eat it.
37323 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Kevin God, I hate it.
37324 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Michael I don't care whether you hate it! You said you'd do it!
37325 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Angela All right!
37326 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Michael Eat it!
37327 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Kelly You're killing him, Michael!
37328 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Michael All right, all right, shh!
37329 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Kevin All right, I ate the fluffy part, can I be done?
37330 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Michael Let me see if you swallowed it, open your mouth. Under your tongue. Oh, God! You guys are pathetic.
37331 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Kevin Can I get some candy, or something?
37332 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Michael No! You can't have any candy!
37333 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Oscar I'll get him water.
37334 7 13 Ultimatum 5621 Pam Okay, Michael, just settle down.
37335 7 13 Ultimatum 5622 Michael Holly Flax.
37336 7 13 Ultimatum 5622 Holly Yes, Michael?
37337 7 13 Ultimatum 5622 Michael Not Michael, E.T.
37338 7 13 Ultimatum 5622 Holly What's up?
37339 7 13 Ultimatum 5622 Michael Well, I just want to talk about what happened in there.
37340 7 13 Ultimatum 5622 Holly Oh, no, Michael, I don't want to talk about it with you. I mean, I'm fine, I just... I don't want to talk about it.
37341 7 13 Ultimatum 5623 Michael Holly, come on in. Thanks for coming. I thought there should be an HR rep here for this. So, Kevin and Creed, things got a little bit intense in the conference room.
37342 7 13 Ultimatum 5623 Creed You think?
37343 7 13 Ultimatum 5623 Michael And I wanted to apologize. These resolutions should be about you, and I made it about me, and it was none of my beeswax.
37344 7 13 Ultimatum 5623 Kevin You were super mean.
37345 7 13 Ultimatum 5623 Michael It was insensitive and I am sorry.
37346 7 13 Ultimatum 5623 Kevin It was traumatizing, Michael. I wouldn't be surprised if I never ate a vegetable again.
37347 7 13 Ultimatum 5623 Michael I really wanted you to follow through on your resolutions. The cartwheel, the veggies... I... care about you. Very much. And you loom so large in my heart that I crossed the line.
37348 7 13 Ultimatum 5623 Kevin Okay, Michael, no offense, but you need to get your own life.
37349 7 13 Ultimatum 5623 Michael You're right. And I hope that we can still be friends.
37350 7 13 Ultimatum 5623 Creed I don't think I'm there yet, Boss.
37351 7 13 Ultimatum 5623 Kevin Well, I am.
37352 7 13 Ultimatum 5623 Michael Okay, oh! All right.
37353 7 13 Ultimatum 5623 Kevin I'm going to help you.
37354 7 13 Ultimatum 5623 Michael Okay.
37355 7 13 Ultimatum 5624 DJ Hey, uh. It's just you. Anything you want to hear?
37356 7 13 Ultimatum 5624 Andy Um... Dave Matthews Band. No hits! Deep tracks only.
37357 7 13 Ultimatum 5624 DJ Okay.
37358 7 13 Ultimatum 5624 Andy I said no hits!
37359 7 13 Ultimatum 5625 Ryan I just feel blocked. Like I'm living, but I'm not...
37360 7 13 Ultimatum 5625 Kevin Hey, Ryan.
37361 7 13 Ultimatum 5625 Ryan Yeah.
37362 7 13 Ultimatum 5625 Kevin How's your fart project coming?
37363 7 13 Ultimatum 5625 Ryan That's real, real classy, Kevin. Hey, was it me or you that just shoved the butt end of a pound of broccoli into my mouth because Michael told me to?
37364 7 13 Ultimatum 5625 Kevin Me.
37365 7 13 Ultimatum 5625 Pam Kevin, don't! Come on!
37366 7 13 Ultimatum 5625 Kelly Oh, Pam, soda. Caffeine!
37367 7 13 Ultimatum 5625 Pam Yeah, just a little, I have a lot to deal with today.
37368 7 13 Ultimatum 5625 Meredith Well, if you don't have to do 'em...
37369 7 13 Ultimatum 5625 Kelly Meredith, what are you doing? I could be pregnant!
37370 7 13 Ultimatum 5625 Ryan Okay, no.
37371 7 13 Ultimatum 5626 Kelly My resolution was to get more attention.
37372 7 13 Ultimatum 5627 Ryan No, she's lying.
37373 7 13 Ultimatum 5627 Kevin Hey, Ryan.
37374 7 13 Ultimatum 5627 Erin One, two, three. I did it! I did a cartwheel!
37375 7 13 Ultimatum 5627 Creed you! you! God!
37376 7 13 Ultimatum 5627 Pam Okay, that's it.
37377 7 13 Ultimatum 5628 Pam Lesson learned.
37378 7 13 Ultimatum 5629 Darryl Sup?
37379 7 13 Ultimatum 5629 Andy Hey! Where did you go?
37380 7 13 Ultimatum 5629 Darryl To the arcade.
37381 7 13 Ultimatum 5629 Andy Oh, cool.
37382 7 13 Ultimatum 5629 Darryl Why, did you meet someone?
37383 7 13 Ultimatum 5629 Andy Yeah, I did actually. His name is Andy, and he roller skates like a Greek god and you know what? I kinda like hanging out with him.
37384 7 13 Ultimatum 5629 Darryl Right on, son.
37385 7 13 Ultimatum 5629 Dwight Gentlemen.
37386 7 13 Ultimatum 5629 Andy And where did you go?
37387 7 13 Ultimatum 5629 Dwight Strip club. I was looking at the strippers at the strip club.
37388 7 13 Ultimatum 5629 Darryl Right.
37389 7 13 Ultimatum 5629 DJ So, that's it, guys? If you want, I can put on the strobe.
37390 7 13 Ultimatum 5629 Dwight Yeah!
37391 7 13 Ultimatum 5630 Erin You want to keep this?
37392 7 13 Ultimatum 5630 Michael No.
37393 7 13 Ultimatum 5630 Erin Do you want to keep this?
37394 7 13 Ultimatum 5630 Michael Yup.
37395 7 13 Ultimatum 5630 Erin Do you want to keep this?
37396 7 13 Ultimatum 5630 Michael You can toss them.
37397 7 13 Ultimatum 5631 Michael My resolution? I never want to make Holly cry again. Unless it's from laughing too hard. Or making love too beautifully.
37398 7 13 Ultimatum 5632 Holly We're gonna be just fine. You know how you say something over and over and the words start to sound weird? Going to be just fine... just fine... just fine... just fine...
37399 7 13 Ultimatum 5633 Holly I just think we need to cool things down for awhile. Yeah, a break. At least until I get back to Nashua. Yeah, I'm sure.
37400 7 13 Ultimatum 5634 Michael Look at where you're going to be doing the cartwheel. So look at where you're going to be placing your hands. So pick a spot.
37401 7 13 Ultimatum 5634 Creed Mmmhm.
37402 7 13 Ultimatum 5634 Michael You ready to do this?
37403 7 13 Ultimatum 5634 Creed Yes, sir.
37404 7 13 Ultimatum 5634 Michael You know what? I'm going to stay here as long as it takes.
37405 7 13 Ultimatum 5634 Creed I really appreciate it, Boss.
37406 7 13 Ultimatum 5634 Michael It's about you. It's about you. Go!
37407 7 13 Ultimatum 5634 Creed I did it!
37408 7 13 Ultimatum 5634 Michael You did?
37409 7 13 Ultimatum 5634 Creed The perfect cartwheel.
37410 7 13 Ultimatum 5634 Michael Okay.
37411 7 13 Ultimatum 5634 Creed What a rush! That's all I had to do all year.
37412 7 13 Ultimatum 5634 Michael Congratulations. All right. Well, all right. See you tomorrow.
37413 7 14 The Seminar 5635 David Brent Oh, sorry, mate.
37414 7 14 The Seminar 5635 Michael Oh, sorry, mate. Excuse me. Mate.
37415 7 14 The Seminar 5635 David What you doing?
37416 7 14 The Seminar 5635 Michael English?
37417 7 14 The Seminar 5635 David You picked on the wrong person, I can tell you that.
37418 7 14 The Seminar 5635 Michael Oh no no, I'm not picking on you at all. You're English, correct?
37419 7 14 The Seminar 5635 David Yeah big time, yeah.
37420 7 14 The Seminar 5635 Michael I'm working on an English character. Would you mind gi... It's called Reginald Pooftah.
37421 7 14 The Seminar 5635 David Ooh! David Brent, my liege. How are you?
37422 7 14 The Seminar 5635 Michael Michael Scott.
37423 7 14 The Seminar 5635 David Oh, there you go. I do characters as well. I got a Chinese fella. He's called Ho Li . That's what it sounds like.
37424 7 14 The Seminar 5635 David Herrow! Herrow!
37425 7 14 The Seminar 5635 Michael I do Ping. Herrow. I Ping!
37426 7 14 The Seminar 5635 David You can't do that these days. You can't.
37427 7 14 The Seminar 5635 Michael No, no, no. And people don't understand that is has nothing to do with making fun of a different nationality.
37428 7 14 The Seminar 5635 David No, no. No, comedy is a place where the mind goes to tickle itself. That's what she said. . Ohh.
37429 7 14 The Seminar 5635 Michael That's good. Pleasure to meet you.
37430 7 14 The Seminar 5635 David Where are you working?
37431 7 14 The Seminar 5635 Michael Dunder Mifflin.
37432 7 14 The Seminar 5635 David Any jobs now?
37433 7 14 The Seminar 5635 Michael No, not right now.
37434 7 14 The Seminar 5635 David Just let me know.
37435 7 14 The Seminar 5635 Michael All right. See you around.
37436 7 14 The Seminar 5635 David All right.
37437 7 14 The Seminar 5635 Michael Bye-bye. What a nice guy.
37438 7 14 The Seminar 5636 Erin Your first student is here, Mister Bernard.
37439 7 14 The Seminar 5636 Andy That's actually "Master of Ceremonies" Bernard.
37440 7 14 The Seminar 5637 Andy Last year, I went to a seminar called "The Ten Secrets of Real Estate". Turns out it was just a ploy to sell me time-shares in Idaho. Cut to, you know, spending a weekend in Boise, terrible time, super lonely. But I get to thinking maybe I should put on my own seminar to lure clients.
37441 7 14 The Seminar 5638 Erin Oh it's...
37442 7 14 The Seminar 5638 Michael Hello, I am here for the small business seminar.
37443 7 14 The Seminar 5638 Erin Michael?
37444 7 14 The Seminar 5638 Michael Nein! I'm greek! My name is Mikanos.
37445 7 14 The Seminar 5638 Erin Ooh. Wait, Michael?
37446 7 14 The Seminar 5638 Michael Okay.
37447 7 14 The Seminar 5639 Michael I am the plant. Every great seminar has one. My job is to make the speaker look good, and I do this through the techniques of leading questions and laughing at all jokes. And the character "Mikanos", is just a little added flava. "Mikanos" is loosely based on another character I do, "Spiros", who is more about the ladies.
37448 7 14 The Seminar 5640 Andy Thank you so much Tuna Turner. You are simply the best.
37449 7 14 The Seminar 5640 Jim Listen, this isn't a favor, all right? This is a good idea. We all win.
37450 7 14 The Seminar 5640 Andy Go higher. I get super flexible when I'm nervous.
37451 7 14 The Seminar 5640 Jim Wow. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Hey, Andy, I'm really, really sorry to do this to you, but I have a meeting today that I totally forgot, so I can't be apart of this seminar.
37452 7 14 The Seminar 5640 Andy No. What? You can't do that. You are a critical part of this seminar. You're the charming warm-up guy,
37453 7 14 The Seminar 5640 Jim I know.
37454 7 14 The Seminar 5640 Andy If the seminar was a meal, you'd be the amuse-bouche. You like, signal the flavors of the whole night.
37455 7 14 The Seminar 5640 Jim I'm really sorry. I can't do it.
37456 7 14 The Seminar 5640 Andy You can't. You can't.
37457 7 14 The Seminar 5641 Andy I can't have this go badly. I'm a terrible salesman, and I haven't been making very many sales lately, or ever. This is my only idea on how to turn things around. If it goes badly, I might lose my job, which would suck because this is the only job I've ever been good at.
37458 7 14 The Seminar 5642 Jim Will you let me know when this whole seminar thing's over?
37459 7 14 The Seminar 5642 Pam What's going on? Do you know that guy?
37460 7 14 The Seminar 5642 Jim I just have a meeting, uh, outside the office.
37461 7 14 The Seminar 5642 Dwight Hey.
37462 7 14 The Seminar 5642 Jim Hey.
37463 7 14 The Seminar 5642 Dwight How are the marks?
37464 7 14 The Seminar 5643 Dwight What are some of your small business ideas?
37465 7 14 The Seminar 5643 Older guy I was thinking we could buy up of abandoned mine shafts.
37466 7 14 The Seminar 5643 Phyllis, Stanley, Dwight Oooh!
37467 7 14 The Seminar 5643 Dwight That's great. There's a big, big future in that.
37468 7 14 The Seminar 5643 Phyllis A lot of mines in Scranton.
37469 7 14 The Seminar 5643 Dwight Um, what about you?
37470 7 14 The Seminar 5643 Younger Guy Uh, credit cards.
37471 7 14 The Seminar 5643 Dwight Uh-huh.
37472 7 14 The Seminar 5643 Younger Guy My company would act as an intermedium, for like, point two cents off every transaction.
37473 7 14 The Seminar 5643 Dwight Wow!
37474 7 14 The Seminar 5643 Younger Guy Something with cell phones. It's like, every time you make a phone call I'd make point two cents. Or anything like any on-line shopping I would get point two cents.
37475 7 14 The Seminar 5643 Dwight Right. Okay? Great.
37476 7 14 The Seminar 5643 Stanley Great.
37477 7 14 The Seminar 5644 Dwight You promised us whales. These are worms.
37478 7 14 The Seminar 5644 Andy They're not worms, Dwight, okay? They're just people with tiny businesses. They're baby whales which is even cuter.
37479 7 14 The Seminar 5644 Stanley I'm out.
37480 7 14 The Seminar 5644 Andy Stanley, you're suppose to close.
37481 7 14 The Seminar 5644 Phyllis I'm out too.
37482 7 14 The Seminar 5644 Andy What? I already lost Jim. Salesmen are suppose to help each other out. We're suppose to be a team.
37483 7 14 The Seminar 5644 Dwight We're no more a team than the people staying in the same hotel are a team.
37484 7 14 The Seminar 5645 Michael You know what might be kind of fun? I was thinking , you know Andy is having a seminar today? What if we went in as a greek couple? Mikanos and...
37485 7 14 The Seminar 5645 Holly Oh, I don't know, Michael. I'm not feeling up to that.
37486 7 14 The Seminar 5645 Michael Okay.
37487 7 14 The Seminar 5646 Michael Holly broke up with A.J last week, which is the greatest thing that has ever happened... to me. To Holly, it's been the worst week of her life, and I know for a fact that there was a week for her in high school when she got mono and her first period ever. Too much information? That's what I thought. But, you know what? Here I am using it.
37488 7 14 The Seminar 5647 Michael If-a you change-a you mind, why don't you talk to Mikanos?
37489 7 14 The Seminar 5647 Holly Is Mikanos greek? He sounds Italian.
37490 7 14 The Seminar 5647 Michael Ugh. You're the fifth person to tell me that today.
37491 7 14 The Seminar 5647 Holly Maybe Mikanos ran away to join the Italian circus.
37492 7 14 The Seminar 5647 Michael Okay, yeah, like a character history. Good. Tom Hanks does that.
37493 7 14 The Seminar 5648 Erin Down... there. Is "jlp" a word?
37494 7 14 The Seminar 5648 Pam "Jelp?" J-e-l-p?
37495 7 14 The Seminar 5648 Erin No, j-l-p. Like, "I jlp... I jlp you!"
37496 7 14 The Seminar 5648 Pam I don't think that's a word.
37497 7 14 The Seminar 5648 Erin I'm playing Scrabble with Gabe, and I've never won a game.
37498 7 14 The Seminar 5649 Erin The winner gets to pick the movie we watch. I have won no games. So far I've seen "The Shining", "Rosemary's Baby", "The Ring". Not really my thing. Although, I... I do like the early parts of the movies where they have a perfect family and everything.
37499 7 14 The Seminar 5650 Pam You want some help?
37500 7 14 The Seminar 5650 Erin Really?
37501 7 14 The Seminar 5650 Pam Mm-hmm.
37502 7 14 The Seminar 5650 Erin Yes.
37503 7 14 The Seminar 5650 Pam K-a. "Ka"? What does "ka" mean?
37504 7 14 The Seminar 5650 Oscar It means you're playing someone who's going to destroy you. Why did you play "moo"?
37505 7 14 The Seminar 5650 Erin Because I'm playing to win. I'm playing "moo", I'm playing "milk". Whatever it takes.
37506 7 14 The Seminar 5650 Oscar Okay, but look, you could have hit "mood". Would have played a...
37507 7 14 The Seminar 5650 Erin Uh...
37508 7 14 The Seminar 5650 Oscar A triple word.
37509 7 14 The Seminar 5650 Erin Like the cow mood yesterday. God.
37510 7 14 The Seminar 5650 Oscar Or moon.
37511 7 14 The Seminar 5650 Erin The cow jumped over the moon.
37512 7 14 The Seminar 5650 Oscar She's stuck on that one thing.
37513 7 14 The Seminar 5650 Pam No, it doesn't have to just be cow stuff, right?
37514 7 14 The Seminar 5651 Andy Kevin, Jim dropped out of my seminar, and I'm just... I was wondering if you could replace him as my charming warm up guy.
37515 7 14 The Seminar 5651 Kevin Andy, I'm no Jim. The only way that I'm Jim is in the movie version when Jim sees what his future would be like if he never met Pam.
37516 7 14 The Seminar 5651 Andy Hey, that's crazy talk. I think you're great.
37517 7 14 The Seminar 5651 Kevin Then I won't let you down.
37518 7 14 The Seminar 5652 Kelly Cake.
37519 7 14 The Seminar 5652 Ryan In you go.
37520 7 14 The Seminar 5652 Andy Hi, Ryan, you went to business school, right?
37521 7 14 The Seminar 5652 Ryan Yup.
37522 7 14 The Seminar 5652 Andy I need somebody to talk to this seminar about business.
37523 7 14 The Seminar 5652 Ryan And?
37524 7 14 The Seminar 5652 Andy Can you do it?
37525 7 14 The Seminar 5652 Ryan Okay. I don't... I don't like committing to things just like that.
37526 7 14 The Seminar 5652 Andy So no?
37527 7 14 The Seminar 5652 Ryan No, I don't like committing to not doing things, either. That's just as big a commitment.
37528 7 14 The Seminar 5652 Kelly Oh, baby.
37529 7 14 The Seminar 5652 Andy What do I put you down for, bro hombre?
37530 7 14 The Seminar 5652 Ryan Yes.
37531 7 14 The Seminar 5652 Andy All right!
37532 7 14 The Seminar 5652 Ryan Yes, I'll do it.
37533 7 14 The Seminar 5652 Andy Okay, than you so much. It's going to be so awesome.
37534 7 14 The Seminar 5652 Ryan And if I flake, I flake.
37535 7 14 The Seminar 5652 Andy What?
37536 7 14 The Seminar 5653 Andy Kevin, you open it up.
37537 7 14 The Seminar 5653 Kevin Yep.
37538 7 14 The Seminar 5653 Andy Ryan, you come in with your small biz expertise, right? And then Creed: guest speaker extraordinaire. And then I come in and just close all the sales and stuff. Um, okay, here we go. One, two three!
37539 7 14 The Seminar 5653 Kevin Go.
37540 7 14 The Seminar 5653 Creed Creed! Ha!
37541 7 14 The Seminar 5654 Andy Welcome everybody. Awesome to see you guys. My name is Andy Bernard but you can call me The Nard Dog.
37542 7 14 The Seminar 5654 Older Woman Hi Nard Dog. I'm Lu Peachem.
37543 7 14 The Seminar 5654 Andy Let's get things started, shall we? You guys ready to hear from the Dunder Mifflin business experts? Good. Well, as you can see on your program... first up is a speech called, "Don't Just Dream it, do it." Yes! Please give a big hand to Mr. Kevin Malone.
37544 7 14 The Seminar 5654 Kevin Yes!
37545 7 14 The Seminar 5655 Kevin There are some people who have charm and some people who don't. Guess which type I am. Charm type.
37546 7 14 The Seminar 5656 Kevin Dream... big. Right? So what I want you to do is dream the biggest that you c... an. And then double it! .
37547 7 14 The Seminar 5656 Andy Are you okay?
37548 7 14 The Seminar 5656 Kevin No. Yes!
37549 7 14 The Seminar 5656 Andy Here...
37550 7 14 The Seminar 5656 Kevin No. I'm fine. Okay, from here now. The first lesson that I'm gonna teach you, right, is about finding success. And the key to finding success is to picture a winner. . Okay, so then, what are you picturing right now, right this second? 'Cause the universe is yours, people. Get out of the way!
37551 7 14 The Seminar 5657 Andy I'm really excited to introduce you guys to Ryan Howard. He has achieved a great deal in the last...
37552 7 14 The Seminar 5657 Kelly But perhaps no achievement is greater than his on-again, off-again girlfriend.
37553 7 14 The Seminar 5657 Andy What are you...
37554 7 14 The Seminar 5657 Kelly Who am I? I'm Kelly Kapoor, the business bitch.
37555 7 14 The Seminar 5658 Kelly It is important to brand yourself, so I have a couple of things in works. "The Business Bitch", "The Diet Bitch", "The Shopping Bitch", "The Etiquette Bitch."
37556 7 14 The Seminar 5659 Kelly I could sit here, and I could tell you the ten secrets of business, and you would have a great time, and you would learn a lot. But who better to tell you than the Yale University adjunct professor in management, Professor Scott Powell, who I have on my Blackberry. It's ringing.
37557 7 14 The Seminar 5659 Professor Powell Hey, Kelly Kapoor. What a delicious surprise.
37558 7 14 The Seminar 5659 Kelly Profess Powell, you are on speakerphone.
37559 7 14 The Seminar 5659 Professor Powell Uh, why?
37560 7 14 The Seminar 5659 Kelly Do you think you could tell us the ten secrets of business?
37561 7 14 The Seminar 5659 Professor Powell Um, there aren't really ten secrets.
37562 7 14 The Seminar 5659 Kelly Come on Scott, please? It's me.
37563 7 14 The Seminar 5659 Professor Powell Um, all right. Well, um, I guess know your market would be key. Practice fiscal discipline.
37564 7 14 The Seminar 5659 Kelly Mm-hmm.
37565 7 14 The Seminar 5660 Andy That brilliant little bitch.
37566 7 14 The Seminar 5661 Oscar A little treat for our old friend Gabe. Put that "q" right there.
37567 7 14 The Seminar 5661 Erin Wait. Why?
37568 7 14 The Seminar 5661 Oscar Put the "q" there, sweetie.
37569 7 14 The Seminar 5661 Pam I think there's better...
37570 7 14 The Seminar 5661 Oscar Put the "q" there! Sorry I yelled.
37571 7 14 The Seminar 5661 Pam You could have just told us what you were thinking.
37572 7 14 The Seminar 5661 Oscar There's no theater in that.
37573 7 14 The Seminar 5661 Pam There's no yelling in that, either.
37574 7 14 The Seminar 5661 Oscar Well...
37575 7 14 The Seminar 5662 Holly What do you do in your free time?
37576 7 14 The Seminar 5662 Michael Practice Olympics.
37577 7 14 The Seminar 5662 Holly Mmm. Do you like movies?
37578 7 14 The Seminar 5662 Michael I like the musical "Grease", or as we call it, "home".
37579 7 14 The Seminar 5662 Holly We have to try this out on somebody.
37580 7 14 The Seminar 5663 Michael Hello.
37581 7 14 The Seminar 5663 Hank Look, you want to order something?
37582 7 14 The Seminar 5663 Michael She will have a greekaccino.
37583 7 14 The Seminar 5663 Hank I don't know what that is.
37584 7 14 The Seminar 5663 Michael It...
37585 7 14 The Seminar 5663 Holly It's a very strong coffee with milk from a goat.
37586 7 14 The Seminar 5663 Michael I can't believe-ee. It's a miracle. She can talk!
37587 7 14 The Seminar 5663 Holly No more brain damage.
37588 7 14 The Seminar 5663 Michael No more brain damage!
37589 7 14 The Seminar 5663 Holly Ahh!
37590 7 14 The Seminar 5664 Holly I don't know.
37591 7 14 The Seminar 5665 Andy Ladies and gentlemen, our special guest speaker will provoke you. He will inspire you. He is... Creed Bratton.
37592 7 14 The Seminar 5665 Creed Two eyes, two ears, a chin, a mouth, ten fingers, two nipples. A butt, two kneecaps, a pen1s. I have just described to you the Loch Ness Monster. And the reward for its capture? All the riches in Scotland. So I have one question: Why are you here?
37593 7 14 The Seminar 5665 Andy Okay. All right, ladies and gentlemen, it is now time for the rarest of things, an actual free lunch. There are sandwiches in the back. Certainly help yourselves. We'll meet back up in an hour.
37594 7 14 The Seminar 5666 Gabe I picked out our movie. It's called "Suspiria". It pushes all the boundaries. All your preconceived notions about what horror can be come crashing down.
37595 7 14 The Seminar 5666 Erin When I win...
37596 7 14 The Seminar 5666 Gabe Ooh.
37597 7 14 The Seminar 5666 Erin We're gonna watch "Wall-e", where all the boundaries of color are pushed.
37598 7 14 The Seminar 5667 Gabe It is hard to explain why Erin is doing so well today. The only thing I can think is Erin is living out some "Slumdog Millionaire" scenario, where every word she's playing has a connection to her orphan past. It's possible.
37599 7 14 The Seminar 5668 Dwight So what's your crazy business pipe dream?
37600 7 14 The Seminar 5668 Guy Well, I started my own golf supply company.
37601 7 14 The Seminar 5668 Dwight Really?
37602 7 14 The Seminar 5668 Guy It's taken off faster than I expected, so I came here to learn about creating manageable growth.
37603 7 14 The Seminar 5668 Dwight Phyllis?
37604 7 14 The Seminar 5668 Phyllis Hmm?
37605 7 14 The Seminar 5668 Dwight Some of these people are for real.
37606 7 14 The Seminar 5669 Dwight Hey, friend. How's it going? Oh, you know what? Let me steep that for you.
37607 7 14 The Seminar 5669 Andy Thank you.
37608 7 14 The Seminar 5669 Dwight Hey, you know what? Good news. We're back in. Let's go sell some paper, Buddy. Huh?
37609 7 14 The Seminar 5669 Andy Really?
37610 7 14 The Seminar 5669 Darryl Ahem!
37611 7 14 The Seminar 5669 Andy Excuse me.
37612 7 14 The Seminar 5669 Dwight I got it. I got it.
37613 7 14 The Seminar 5669 Andy Hey, do you need a lozenge?
37614 7 14 The Seminar 5669 Darryl They're a bunch of jackals.
37615 7 14 The Seminar 5669 Andy What?
37616 7 14 The Seminar 5669 Darryl They left you in the lurch, and if they want to jump in, it means you're almost there. You did this. Bring it home.
37617 7 14 The Seminar 5669 Andy : Let me tell you what you can do with your offer to help. You can table it and offer it up another time. Just know that I really appreciate the gesture.
37618 7 14 The Seminar 5670 Andy Hi. Hope you enjoyed your lunch. Welcome back. Ooh. Well, hello. Welcome to the seminar. Hey, man. What's goin' on?
37619 7 14 The Seminar 5670 Dwight You're gonna blow it.
37620 7 14 The Seminar 5670 Andy Maybe. Only maybe.
37621 7 14 The Seminar 5671 Oscar We got it! Wow! We got it!
37622 7 14 The Seminar 5671 Pam Oscar, wait. I think the victory would be more meaningful if Erin puts the last word in herself.
37623 7 14 The Seminar 5671 Oscar Yes, Pam. Yes, most definitely. Yes.
37624 7 14 The Seminar 5671 Erin Yes.
37625 7 14 The Seminar 5671 Oscar Ah. No! . Although I must say, I will have "apoplexy" if you lose. Do you understand? "Apoplexy" is what I will have.
37626 7 14 The Seminar 5671 Erin Apoplexy.
37627 7 14 The Seminar 5671 Oscar Yes.
37628 7 14 The Seminar 5671 Erin Got it. Oh, Oscar. Oscar?
37629 7 14 The Seminar 5672 Erin I played "ape."
37630 7 14 The Seminar 5673 Jim I just want to make a point to that last caller. I disagree. I don't think it is the running game at all. I think we do have to make a few moves in this off-season.
37631 7 14 The Seminar 5674 Andy Wow! What a day, right? Guess you guys are probably ready to go. And you got my business card, so...
37632 7 14 The Seminar 5674 Michael Dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. You know, I like you. I'm going to give you my secret gyro recipe. Come out here since it's a secret, and I'll tell you. All, you have to close right now.
37633 7 14 The Seminar 5674 Andy Yeah, I mean, I'm getting to it.
37634 7 14 The Seminar 5674 Michael No, you're not. You're getting past it. You have to close. You can do it.
37635 7 14 The Seminar 5674 Andy Yeah, yeah.
37636 7 14 The Seminar 5674 Michael Andy, what's the problem?
37637 7 14 The Seminar 5674 Andy This is hard for me. I'm a nice guy.
37638 7 14 The Seminar 5674 Michael You, Kelly and Creed, Kevin, they believe in you. Don't let them down. Don't let yourself down, Andy. I'm gonna go back in. I'm going to stall them for a little bit. I want you to get your head together, and then come back in. I want you to close. What is taking that guy so long?
37639 7 14 The Seminar 5675 Jim Psst. You think this thing's gonna go much longer?
37640 7 14 The Seminar 5675 Pam I don't know. They're still in there.
37641 7 14 The Seminar 5675 Jim Ohh! Good-bye.
37642 7 14 The Seminar 5675 Pam Stop. Out with it.
37643 7 14 The Seminar 5676 Pam Here's the story. That guy in there is Jim's childhood friend, Tom.
37644 7 14 The Seminar 5676 Jim Tom Witochkin. One of my best buddies, actually.
37645 7 14 The Seminar 5676 Pam And when they were both in the third grade, Jim was placed in the top reading group.
37646 7 14 The Seminar 5676 Jim I was blue group, so it was second from the top.
37647 7 14 The Seminar 5676 Pam And Tom...
37648 7 14 The Seminar 5676 Jim Was in the green group.
37649 7 14 The Seminar 5676 Pam And Jim's mom suggested that Jim spend time hanging with the kids in his reading group, because she though that would be a good influence.
37650 7 14 The Seminar 5676 Jim And that's what I told him.
37651 7 14 The Seminar 5676 Pam Right. But how'd you say it?
37652 7 14 The Seminar 5676 Jim "My mom thinks you're too dumb to hang out with."
37653 7 14 The Seminar 5677 Andy Okay, who would like to purchase this small business package from me right now? Yes, we got one. Okay, the snowball is rolling. Who else? You can put it off for a couple of days, but I guarantee you, eventually you're gonna realize you need this. So the only thing that's gonna be different is you'll be a couple of days behind where you would be if you bought this from me right now. So who's gonna buy one right now?
37654 7 14 The Seminar 5677 Older Woman I'll take one.
37655 7 14 The Seminar 5677 Andy Yes! Awesome! All right, anyone else? Sold! Anybody else? Yes! All right!
37656 7 14 The Seminar 5677 Kelly Yeah bitch.
37657 7 14 The Seminar 5677 Andy Good choice. The rest of you are dead to me. You made the stupidest decision of your life.
37658 7 14 The Seminar 5677 Michael No, no, no.
37659 7 14 The Seminar 5677 Andy But it was a pleasure meeting you, and you've got my information, so feel free to call anytime.
37660 7 14 The Seminar 5677 Kelly Whoo!
37661 7 14 The Seminar 5678 Tom Hey, you think it's cool if I grab a soda?
37662 7 14 The Seminar 5678 Jim Yeah, woah. Yep, absolutely, go ahead.
37663 7 14 The Seminar 5678 Tom Hey.
37664 7 14 The Seminar 5678 Jim Hey.
37665 7 14 The Seminar 5678 Tom How's it goin'?
37666 7 14 The Seminar 5678 Jim Pretty good.
37667 7 14 The Seminar 5678 Tom It's been a while.
37668 7 14 The Seminar 5678 Jim It has been, yeah.
37669 7 14 The Seminar 5678 Tom So you work here, huh?
37670 7 14 The Seminar 5678 Jim Sales.
37671 7 14 The Seminar 5678 Tom Must be a front for some kind of famous laboratory.
37672 7 14 The Seminar 5678 Tom 'Cause you're so smart.
37673 7 14 The Seminar 5678 Jim Oh, man. You remember that, huh?
37674 7 14 The Seminar 5678 Tom Oh, barely. I'm so dumb, you know, stuff goes in, stuff goes out. Not like you probably remember every paper sale you ever made. Paper salesman genius.
37675 7 14 The Seminar 5678 Jim All right, good catch-up.
37676 7 14 The Seminar 5678 Tom Yeah.
37677 7 14 The Seminar 5678 Jim See ya.
37678 7 14 The Seminar 5678 Tom Where's your jetpack, Zuckerberg?
37679 7 14 The Seminar 5679 Dwight Andy. I didn't think you had it in ya.
37680 7 14 The Seminar 5679 Andy Well, I guess when you looked in me, you forgot about my balls. They're on the outside. Don't how you missed 'em.
37681 7 14 The Seminar 5680 Holly Wonderful seminar!
37682 7 14 The Seminar 5680 Michael Almost as good as the first day when we first met. You are the love of my life. Come to me, Necropolis. Put your lips on my lips. Come on.
37683 7 14 The Seminar 5680 Holly Michael, I should get back to work.
37684 7 14 The Seminar 5680 Michael What? Come on. It's time for grapes. Real fun day.
37685 7 14 The Seminar 5681 Gabe So, I won.
37686 7 14 The Seminar 5681 Erin I know. You get to pick.
37687 7 14 The Seminar 5681 Gabe Well, that's actually what I came to talk to you about. I know how much you want to watch "Wall-e".
37688 7 14 The Seminar 5681 Erin Yes?
37689 7 14 The Seminar 5681 Gabe So I got us a compromise. This movie's called "Hardware". It tells the story of a killer combat robot, just like Wall-e, that the government invented to destroy humans. It's some of what you like and some of what I like, and... married...
37690 7 14 The Seminar 5681 Andy Hey, I heard you talking about movies before, and, anyway, I just watched this over the weekend. I thought you'd really like it.
37691 7 14 The Seminar 5681 Erin There's a "Shrek" two?!
37692 7 14 The Seminar 5681 Andy Oh, yeah. See you tomorrow.
37693 7 14 The Seminar 5681 Gabe Nice guy.
37694 7 14 The Seminar 5681 Erin Ohh.
37695 7 15 The Search 5682 Kelly Everybody, can I please have your attention? Ryan and I have a huge announcement.
37696 7 15 The Search 5682 Erin Oh my gosh!
37697 7 15 The Search 5682 Phyllis Wow.
37698 7 15 The Search 5682 Kelly Over the weekend, Ryan Bailey Howard and I got divorced.
37699 7 15 The Search 5682 Meredith Sweet! Free Ring!
37700 7 15 The Search 5682 Andy Divorced?
37701 7 15 The Search 5682 Ryan Just so you know, it's totally amicable. We're fine. We don't need people here to take sides.
37702 7 15 The Search 5682 Kelly The last thing that we want is any kind of drama.
37703 7 15 The Search 5682 Pam Wait. Can you back up? What's the story?
37704 7 15 The Search 5682 Kelly We were having a beautiful weekend in the Poconos. We were making love, constantly. We saw the sunrise. Ryan was crying a lot.
37705 7 15 The Search 5682 Ryan It's not irrelevant. Details
37706 7 15 The Search 5682 Kelly And in the morning we walked by a chapel and we stopped, suddenly, and Ryan said...
37707 7 15 The Search 5682 Ryan, Kelly I don't think I should be married to you anymore.
37708 7 15 The Search 5682 Kevin What?
37709 7 15 The Search 5682 Andy Sorry, when did you get married?
37710 7 15 The Search 5682 Kelly Ummm, like a week ago, we got really wasted and it just felt right.
37711 7 15 The Search 5682 Andy And you didn't invite any of us?
37712 7 15 The Search 5682 Ryan We are getting divorced, Andy! This is such a raw time.
37713 7 15 The Search 5682 Kelly God baby, you know, people's reactions to this... maybe we made a mistake.
37714 7 15 The Search 5682 Ryan No, with the messed up laws in this country, I don't want to be married until everyone can be married.
37715 7 15 The Search 5682 Oscar You know what Ryan, I talked to the other gay guys, and we're ok with it. We agree it's fine if you got married.
37716 7 15 The Search 5682 Ryan No Oscar, Not, not until everyone can!
37717 7 15 The Search 5682 Kelly Ryan, I changed my mind.
37718 7 15 The Search 5682 Ryan Ok fine, you know what, this actually isn't amicable at all and we actually do need people to take sides. Who is on my side?
37719 7 15 The Search 5682 Kelly And who is on my side?
37720 7 15 The Search 5683 Jim All right. Bye.
37721 7 15 The Search 5683 Pam Bye.
37722 7 15 The Search 5683 Jim Let's Go!
37723 7 15 The Search 5683 Michael Just a minute. How long do we have to wait?
37724 7 15 The Search 5683 Holly For what?
37725 7 15 The Search 5683 Michael You broke up with AJ weeks ago.
37726 7 15 The Search 5683 Holly Don't you have a sales call to go on?
37727 7 15 The Search 5683 Michael I don't understand. I really don't. I mean, we know we are going to start dating. Why not now?
37728 7 15 The Search 5683 Holly We don't know that.
37729 7 15 The Search 5683 Michael Sure we do.
37730 7 15 The Search 5683 Holly Why is it such a certainty that we are supposed to be together?
37731 7 15 The Search 5683 Michael Why does the sun rise in the morning? Why do magnets stick together? Because everybody says so. Everybody.
37732 7 15 The Search 5683 Holly Michael, I can't keep getting into a situation where I date whoever I'm working with. Well, you can understand that.
37733 7 15 The Search 5683 Michael Yeah, I understand. I just don't agree.
37734 7 15 The Search 5683 Holly Well you don't have to agree.
37735 7 15 The Search 5683 Michael Yes I do.
37736 7 15 The Search 5683 Holly No you don't.
37737 7 15 The Search 5683 Michael Yes I do.
37738 7 15 The Search 5683 Holly No, you can have your own opinion.
37739 7 15 The Search 5683 Michael I have my own opinion and my opinion is to disagree with you.
37740 7 15 The Search 5683 Jim He's going to be a lot of fun to drive around in a car with.
37741 7 15 The Search 5683 Pam Aw you'll get through it hon. Just make a game out of it. A funny "Jim" game.
37742 7 15 The Search 5683 Jim That's it? That's all I get? Even after all the hard work I put into celebrating your talent today?
37743 7 15 The Search 5683 Pam All right, what'd you do?
37744 7 15 The Search 5683 Jim Well, those things that you consider doodles, I consider art.
37745 7 15 The Search 5683 Pam Where'd you put it?
37746 7 15 The Search 5683 Jim Where'd I put what?
37747 7 15 The Search 5683 Michael Let's go.
37748 7 15 The Search 5683 Jim Oh, sorry gotta go.
37749 7 15 The Search 5683 Pam Say it. Where?
37750 7 15 The Search 5683 Jim Ok fine, three hints. One! When you are getting colder, you're really getting warmer.
37751 7 15 The Search 5683 Pam The fridge.
37752 7 15 The Search 5683 Jim Two! You have a better chance, if you think Bob Vance.
37753 7 15 The Search 5683 Pam The fridge, got it.
37754 7 15 The Search 5683 Jim And the final clue...
37755 7 15 The Search 5683 Michael Let's go!
37756 7 15 The Search 5683 Jim You know what, just think about it, you'll be fine.
37757 7 15 The Search 5683 Pam Bye.
37758 7 15 The Search 5684 Erin Holly is ruining Michael's life. He thinks she is so special. And she's so not. Her personality is like a 3. Her sense of humor is a 2. Her ears are like a 7and a 4. Add it all up and what do you get? 16. And he treats her like she's a perfect 40. It's nuts.
37759 7 15 The Search 5685 Jim Cheer up. We made a sale.
37760 7 15 The Search 5685 Michael Just drive faster. I want to get back.
37761 7 15 The Search 5685 Jim Well, I'm going the speed limit. So...
37762 7 15 The Search 5685 Michael Okay, fine. My feelings don't matter to you. What matters to you is your precious speed limit.
37763 7 15 The Search 5685 Jim Someone's in a bad mood.
37764 7 15 The Search 5685 Michael No I'm not. I'm not in a bad mood. I'm not, Jim. Hello? Ok fine, ignore me. Have it your way. Let's just talk about you, as always. Is s*x different after the baby, Jim?
37765 7 15 The Search 5685 Jim Alright, let me turn on some music.
37766 7 15 The Search 5685 Michael I need to pee.
37767 7 15 The Search 5685 Jim No you don't.
37768 7 15 The Search 5685 Michael Yeah, I do. My word against yours.
37769 7 15 The Search 5685 Jim Alright. Well we'll be there in ten minutes.
37770 7 15 The Search 5685 Michael What part of "I need to pee" do you not understand? I'm upset. My bladder is full. There is no telling what I might do right now all over the inside of your precious little car.
37771 7 15 The Search 5685 Jim Alright, Well if I see a gas station, I'll pull over.
37772 7 15 The Search 5685 Michael Well I hope I make it.
37773 7 15 The Search 5686 Jim Hello?
37774 7 15 The Search 5686 Helene Hi Jim, it's Helen.
37775 7 15 The Search 5686 Jim Hey Helen. Is everything ok?
37776 7 15 The Search 5686 Helene Everything is fine. Baby's fine. She has a tiny fever. I'm taking her for a check up. Nothing to worry about.
37777 7 15 The Search 5686 Jim Ok...
37778 7 15 The Search 5686 Helene A tiny thing. I locked her in the car.
37779 7 15 The Search 5686 Jim What?
37780 7 15 The Search 5686 Helene She's smiling. She's happy.
37781 7 15 The Search 5686 Jim Oh my God.
37782 7 15 The Search 5686 Helene Jim, I don't have a spare key.
37783 7 15 The Search 5686 Jim Just stay there. I'll be there in one second. Michael! Michael! Excuse me, sir there is a guy in the bathroom. He's coming out but I have to go because it's an emergency. Will you just tell him call the office. Just call the office! Thank you. Please?
37784 7 15 The Search 5686 Guy Hello?
37785 7 15 The Search 5687 Pam This is Pam.
37786 7 15 The Search 5687 Jim Hey it's me. So uh, don't worry. Everything's ok.
37787 7 15 The Search 5687 Pam What's wrong?
37788 7 15 The Search 5687 Jim Nothing. Absolutely nothing. You're not holding a cup of coffee or anything are you?
37789 7 15 The Search 5687 Pam Jim, what?
37790 7 15 The Search 5687 Jim Uh, so, Cece had a little bit of a fever. And your mom also locked her in the car.
37791 7 15 The Search 5687 Pam Oh God! What?!
37792 7 15 The Search 5687 Jim No no no it's ok. So, Cece is with daddy now. She's laughing and she's happy. And we are on our way to see Dr. Barbra.
37793 7 15 The Search 5687 Pam Ok. She's ok?
37794 7 15 The Search 5687 Jim Yes, and your mom got a very well deserved day off. So here's the thing though. I left Michael at the gas station on Benet.
37795 7 15 The Search 5687 Pam Understood.
37796 7 15 The Search 5687 Jim And his wallet and phone are on the seat next to me.
37797 7 15 The Search 5687 Pam Got it. I will put out a A.P.B. Otherwise known as a "Ask Pam Beasley". ... Did the phone cut off?
37798 7 15 The Search 5687 Jim Nope.
37799 7 15 The Search 5687 Pam Alright, just call me after the doctor.
37800 7 15 The Search 5687 Jim Ok. Bye.
37801 7 15 The Search 5687 Pam Bye.
37802 7 15 The Search 5688 Michael I know, I know you have a phone policy. I understand. But this is an emergency because my friend isn't here and I am worried that he has been abducted.
37803 7 15 The Search 5688 Attendant No, he ditched you man. I saw him drive away.
37804 7 15 The Search 5688 Michael There is no way he ditched me. There is no way that happened. He's my... Ok. May I please just use your phone? Please!
37805 7 15 The Search 5688 Attendant Just make it quick.
37806 7 15 The Search 5688 Michael Ok. I will make it quick. I will make it very quick. And you don't have my numbers on speed dial. Ah, Ok. What is it?
37807 7 15 The Search 5688 Attendant You don't know it.
37808 7 15 The Search 5688 Michael You know what, I can dial 411, get Jim's number.
37809 7 15 The Search 5688 Attendant He left you here on purpose. All right? I saw it. He just drove away.
37810 7 15 The Search 5689 Michael Actually this is good. I am going to take this opportunity to go walk-about. Good. Good. Nope, get away. No, that's enough. Ok.
37811 7 15 The Search 5690 Holly It's the gas station on Benet Street?
37812 7 15 The Search 5690 Pam Yeah.
37813 7 15 The Search 5690 Holly Ok.
37814 7 15 The Search 5690 Erin You know what? Why don't you stay and I'll go?
37815 7 15 The Search 5690 Holly Oh no no no. I'll be fine.
37816 7 15 The Search 5690 Erin It's kind of a sketchy neighborhood though. I better come along.
37817 7 15 The Search 5690 Dwight Problem solved everyone. Space Orphan and Princess Nincompoop are off to rescue Michael. Unbelievable. I'm going. You drive, I got a car full of fox meat.
37818 7 15 The Search 5691 Pam Cute. Very funny, everyone. Who wrote captions under my doodle? I'm not even kidding. They're pretty good.
37819 7 15 The Search 5691 Oscar Which on in particular?
37820 7 15 The Search 5691 Andy Yeah, which one?
37821 7 15 The Search 5691 Pam Well the first one has a surprise factor. "I'm a suck suck-suckidy Sabre!"
37822 7 15 The Search 5691 Andy Boo-yea!
37823 7 15 The Search 5691 Gabe No no. No no no.
37824 7 15 The Search 5691 Pam But, ah, I suppose the second one is the better written line.
37825 7 15 The Search 5691 Oscar You suppose?
37826 7 15 The Search 5691 Darryl What's it say?
37827 7 15 The Search 5691 Oscar "I'm suppose to be wearing red gloves but my color cartridge portal, got jammed again."
37828 7 15 The Search 5691 Gabe Ok. No no no.
37829 7 15 The Search 5691 Kevin Red gloves.
37830 7 15 The Search 5691 Darrly Keep it real.
37831 7 15 The Search 5691 Pam You guys, if I knew you wanted to do a caption contest, I would have drawn something more challenging.
37832 7 15 The Search 5691 Darryl And I will take you all down.
37833 7 15 The Search 5691 Andy You?
37834 7 15 The Search 5691 Darryl I've been reading the comics to my daughter since she was three years old. Not once I have used the real captions to Family Circus. That crazy family is hilarious to her for one reason: me.
37835 7 15 The Search 5691 Andy Oh it is on like Genghis Khan wearing Sean Jean in Buton.
37836 7 15 The Search 5691 Pam Yes. You guys, I have the perfect idea. Ok, it will just take me ten minutes.
37837 7 15 The Search 5691 Andy Woo-hoo.
37838 7 15 The Search 5691 Kevin I can't wait.
37839 7 15 The Search 5692 Dwight Male. Caucasian. Forties. Black hair. Facial type: marsupial.
37840 7 15 The Search 5692 Erin He answers to Michal. Michal G. Scott. Michael J. Fox. Mr. Fox. The Incredible Mr. Fox.
37841 7 15 The Search 5692 Attendant Yeah, he just left.
37842 7 15 The Search 5692 Holly Which way did he go?
37843 7 15 The Search 5692 Dwight Hey hey hey. Let me answer this. Stupid question. He went back to the office, obviously, which is that way.
37844 7 15 The Search 5692 Holly Oh really? You don't think he walked by the bakery just for the smell of it?
37845 7 15 The Search 5692 Attendant She's right. He went that way.
37846 7 15 The Search 5692 Dwight Alright. Don't get a swelled head. You're no tracker. Let's ride.
37847 7 15 The Search 5693 Michael Hey you guys. Listen to me. Don't get hung up on just one girl because there are a whole lot of other girls out there. Look over there. See? They look cute. Hello! You guys are so beautiful. You're so colorful. I wish I could understand you. That's a metaphor I guess. You are disgusting. You'll never find love. Yekkk. Do you think she needs more time or is it never going to happen? I'm being serious. Seriously.
37848 7 15 The Search 5694 Pam Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.
37849 7 15 The Search 5694 Dwight Has Michael checked in?
37850 7 15 The Search 5694 Pam Oh, hey Dwight.
37851 7 15 The Search 5694 Dwight I asked you a question.
37852 7 15 The Search 5694 Pam No, he hasn't.
37853 7 15 The Search 5694 Dwight Goodbye.
37854 7 15 The Search 5694 Pam No, wait. Hey, while you are out, could pick up some paper towels and chocolate syrup? We have ice cream so I thought...
37855 7 15 The Search 5694 Dwight Pam, this isn't a shopping trip.
37856 7 15 The Search 5694 Erin No.
37857 7 15 The Search 5694 Dwight This is a man-hunt slash rescue mission.
37858 7 15 The Search 5694 Pam Ok. I, just, when you are done or any time it's convent, I just thought since you are out...
37859 7 15 The Search 5694 Dwight Pam, I'm obviously going to get that stuff for you so just shut up.
37860 7 15 The Search 5694 Pam Ok, well it wasn't obvious so...
37861 7 15 The Search 5694 Dwight No word from Michael.
37862 7 15 The Search 5694 Holly Oh.
37863 7 15 The Search 5695 Pam Ta-da!
37864 7 15 The Search 5695 Kevin Ok, it's two giant dogs with two giant palm trees on a regular size island.
37865 7 15 The Search 5695 Oscar Ok. I got one.
37866 7 15 The Search 5695 Pam Yeah?
37867 7 15 The Search 5695 Oscar Yes!
37868 7 15 The Search 5695 Gabe Ok, I'm sorry but I am going to have to shut this down.
37869 7 15 The Search 5695 Office Boo!
37870 7 15 The Search 5695 Meredith Why?
37871 7 15 The Search 5695 Gabe Unless we can all agree to some ground rules. It's either that or I can fax this to Joe and let her decide how to proceed.
37872 7 15 The Search 5695 Darryl Gabe, tell us your stupid rules so we can start the game.
37873 7 15 The Search 5695 Gabe Number one, and this should be obvious, no captions that insult the company we work for.
37874 7 15 The Search 5695 Oscar Irony is such a critical...
37875 7 15 The Search 5695 Gabe Number two: no pop culture references.
37876 7 15 The Search 5695 Pam Seriously?
37877 7 15 The Search 5695 Oscar Wow.
37878 7 15 The Search 5695 Gabe I think we can all agree that they tend to alienate those who don't get the reference, making them feel like the other.
37879 7 15 The Search 5695 Darryl Wrap it up, Gabe.
37880 7 15 The Search 5695 Gabe Ok final thing, and this is a fun one: Instead of writing the caption directly under the picture, let's all try using Sticky Quips. All right? New, from Dunder Mifflin Sabre.
37881 7 15 The Search 5696 Gabe Sticky Quips are fun. They are safe. They are handy. I like to use Sticky Quips as regular Post-It notes when I am in a fun mood. Not every day.
37882 7 15 The Search 5697 Gabe Go get 'em. Start quipin'.
37883 7 15 The Search 5697 Oscar Pam, I think I'm going to send you an IM.
37884 7 15 The Search 5697 Pam Oh! Ok.
37885 7 15 The Search 5697 Darryl Send me one too.
37886 7 15 The Search 5697 Andy Yeah, yeah. Put me on that.
37887 7 15 The Search 5697 Phyllis C.C
37888 7 15 The Search 5697 Kevin Ditto.
37889 7 15 The Search 5698 Michael Hello. I would like a hot dog please. Now, I don't have any money so here is what I would like to do. I leave you here with my watch, and I come back later to pay for the hot dog.
37890 7 15 The Search 5698 Hot Dog Guy I'm not a pawn shop.
37891 7 15 The Search 5698 Michael Well I understand that but this is a $45 watch.
37892 7 15 The Search 5698 Hot Dog Guy Wow.
37893 7 15 The Search 5698 Michael With that I can buy... half the menu.
37894 7 15 The Search 5698 Hot Dog Guy I can't just go giving away hot dogs.
37895 7 15 The Search 5698 Michael All right. What do you do with the hog dogs that you don't sell?
37896 7 15 The Search 5698 Hot Dog Guy Throw 'em away.
37897 7 15 The Search 5698 Michael Well, okay, instead of throwing them all away later, why don't you just throw one away now into my mouth?
37898 7 15 The Search 5698 Hot Dog Guy No.
37899 7 15 The Search 5698 Michael Okay. You've just lost my business.
37900 7 15 The Search 5699 Dwight Hey.
37901 7 15 The Search 5699 Erin Hey, you were in there forever.
37902 7 15 The Search 5699 Dwight There's too many brands. Where's Holly?
37903 7 15 The Search 5699 Erin She wandered off like an idiot.
37904 7 15 The Search 5699 Dwight Hey!
37905 7 15 The Search 5699 Holly Hey.
37906 7 15 The Search 5699 Dwight What are you doing?
37907 7 15 The Search 5699 Holly Oh, just changing my cell phone plan. Okay. Okay. Here you go. I'll take my free stress ball too now.
37908 7 15 The Search 5699 Cell Phone Sales Person Sure thing. Here you go, Miss... Okay, Fanny Smellmore. Real original.
37909 7 15 The Search 5699 Holly What?
37910 7 15 The Search 5699 Cell Phone Sales Person You know what? Say hi to Orville Tootenbacher for me.
37911 7 15 The Search 5699 Dwight Tootenbacher.
37912 7 15 The Search 5699 Erin Orville Tootenbacher. That's Michael's millionaire character that...
37913 7 15 The Search 5699 Dwight, Erin farts popcorn.
37914 7 15 The Search 5699 Dwight Of course. He was here. She's the key. Amazing. Holly. Hey, where you would you like to go next? Holly?
37915 7 15 The Search 5699 Holly Are their egg rolls really that big?
37916 7 15 The Search 5700 Michael Oh, boy. That was yummy. Thank you so much. You know what? I think I left my wallet in my car. Do you mind if I run out and get it?
37917 7 15 The Search 5700 Waiter No problem.
37918 7 15 The Search 5700 Michael Okay. I'll be right back. . Okay. You know what? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't have my wallet and I was gonna try to dine and dash and that was stupid and I realize I can't do that to you fine people.
37919 7 15 The Search 5700 Waiter So you can't pay for your food?
37920 7 15 The Search 5700 Michael Well I can, but I will have to come back later tonight and pay you. But the point is I did the right thing.
37921 7 15 The Search 5700 Waiter You did not. You have no money. And you dined so much.
37922 7 15 The Search 5700 Michael Well the number three is not such a giant feast.
37923 7 15 The Search 5700 Waiter Mr. Chu!
37924 7 15 The Search 5700 Michael Okay, all right. You know what?
37925 7 15 The Search 5700 Waiter You were trying to steal food from us?
37926 7 15 The Search 5700 Michael I am not. I just have had a bad day. And I... okay. I'll be back later with the money. I'm just gonna leave right now.
37927 7 15 The Search 5700 Waiter You can't. We'll stop you.
37928 7 15 The Search 5700 Michael Well, I think I can get through the door.
37929 7 15 The Search 5701 Dwight Excuse me Do you speak English? We are looking for a man. Michael, this tall, black hair, Caucasian...
37930 7 15 The Search 5701 Erin It's Michael!
37931 7 15 The Search 5701 Waiter He just left.
37932 7 15 The Search 5701 Erin You knew.
37933 7 15 The Search 5701 Holly What? No. Dwight asked if I wanted an egg roll. What... what are you implying?
37934 7 15 The Search 5701 Dwight Uncanny. Put a pin in that. Which way did he go? That guy! When he leave here, which way did he go? We looking for him. This way, this way, this way? I don't know. Do you know?
37935 7 15 The Search 5701 Waiter I think he was heading downtown.
37936 7 15 The Search 5701 Dwight He's heading downtown.
37937 7 15 The Search 5702 Gabe So what, no one's even gonna try?
37938 7 15 The Search 5702 Pam Guess not.
37939 7 15 The Search 5702 Gabe Oh, come on. My rules could not possibly have been that oppressive.
37940 7 15 The Search 5702 Darryl You crushed our spirits, Gabe. Congrats. You're a big man, huh? Take a lot to destroy the creativity of a whole group of people.
37941 7 15 The Search 5702 Gabe Hey...
37942 7 15 The Search 5702 Stanley Click the "x"
37943 7 15 The Search 5702 Phyllis I'm clicking!
37944 7 15 The Search 5702 Stanley In the box.
37945 7 15 The Search 5702 Phyllis I am clicking.
37946 7 15 The Search 5702 Stanley Woman, you've had a computer for years!
37947 7 15 The Search 5702 Andy Phyllis!
37948 7 15 The Search 5702 Gabe Too late! Oh. Ha. An IM chat. Very clever. I'll just print that out. Come on guys. Grow up. I don't want to be your babysitter.
37949 7 15 The Search 5702 Andy Oooohhh.
37950 7 15 The Search 5703 Gabe "Darn it Bob. I told you not to buy a Sabre brand lifeboat."
37951 7 15 The Search 5703 Kevin Nice!
37952 7 15 The Search 5703 Gabe No, not nice. Terrible. Doesn't even include the fact that they're dogs.
37953 7 15 The Search 5703 Andy Do the next one.
37954 7 15 The Search 5703 Gabe "Wake up, Fred. The power cord on your Sabre printer shocked you into a coma, and you're dreaming you're a dog on a desert island.'
37955 7 15 The Search 5703 Darryl Dreaming he's a dog on a island.
37956 7 15 The Search 5703 Gabe Uh, excuse me, excuse me. How does the speaker know what the guy in the coma is dreaming?
37957 7 15 The Search 5703 Phyllis Well, if you think it's so easy, Gabe, why don't you try it?
37958 7 15 The Search 5703 Gabe Umm... "You don't have to sniff my rear end anymore, Bob, I'm the only one here." Ha.
37959 7 15 The Search 5703 Oscar That's tasteless, Gabe.
37960 7 15 The Search 5703 Gabe Tasteless?
37961 7 15 The Search 5703 Oscar Tasteless.
37962 7 15 The Search 5703 Gabe More tasteless than this..."is that a palm tree or did Gabe get skinnier? Either way, let's pee on it."
37963 7 15 The Search 5703 Pam Ladies and gentlemen, I think we have a winner.
37964 7 15 The Search 5703 Phyllis Yes.
37965 7 15 The Search 5703 Kevin Yes, well done!
37966 7 15 The Search 5703 Oscar Who's is it? Who wrote that?
37967 7 15 The Search 5703 Phyllis Yeah, who wrote it?
37968 7 15 The Search 5704 Angela Please. It was easy once I decided I wanted the dog to piss on Gabe.
37969 7 15 The Search 5705 Erin Where did he go, Holly?
37970 7 15 The Search 5705 Holly I have no idea.
37971 7 15 The Search 5705 Dwight Do you see a little clown that you want to follow, huh? Is there a little bird that's chirping to you, "this way, this way"?
37972 7 15 The Search 5705 Holly I don't know.
37973 7 15 The Search 5705 Dwight Okay, close your eyes, we need you to think. What is Michael seeing right now? Can you tell him that we miss him? Michael we're coming for you!
37974 7 15 The Search 5705 Holly Will you stop! There has been a few coincidences, that's all.
37975 7 15 The Search 5705 Dwight All right then. Someone propose a plan.
37976 7 15 The Search 5705 Erin Okay. We fan out...
37977 7 15 The Search 5705 Dwight Not you, Erin.
37978 7 15 The Search 5705 Holly Stop looking at me like that. Okay, let's just go up somewhere high and see if we could spot him on the street below.
37979 7 15 The Search 5705 Dwight That is the stupidest idea I've ever heard. No. Tap into your common mind and tell us what he would do next.
37980 7 15 The Search 5705 Holly Look, I'm not playing. I'm gonna go look for him.
37981 7 15 The Search 5705 Erin Good. We don't need her.
37982 7 15 The Search 5705 Dwight Right. I can do this on my own. I can think like Michael. All right... I'm deep below the ocean's surface in a submarine. A torpedo's coming right at me. No. Damn it, that's just my own imagination. Maybe he's bowling.
37983 7 15 The Search 5706 Holly Michael?
37984 7 15 The Search 5706 Michael Hi. How did you know I was up here?
37985 7 15 The Search 5706 Holly What are you doing up here?
37986 7 15 The Search 5706 Michael I got turned around. I thought I could see Dunder Mifflin.
37987 7 15 The Search 5706 Holly Dunder Mifflin.
37988 7 15 The Search 5706 Michael Yeah. Wow. I just miss you so much.
37989 7 15 The Search 5706 Holly I missed you too.
37990 7 15 The Search 5706 Michael Really?
37991 7 15 The Search 5706 Holly Yeah.
37992 7 15 The Search 5706 Michael Can I kiss you?
37993 7 15 The Search 5706 Holly Yeah.
37994 7 15 The Search 5706 Michael Okay.
37995 7 15 The Search 5707 Phyllis Maybe that's not the best one. Keep reading.
37996 7 15 The Search 5707 Gabe Uh, it was.
37997 7 15 The Search 5707 Meredith Maybe it wasn't.
37998 7 15 The Search 5707 Gabe "Oh, thank God. I had a horrible nightmare that I was stuck in America with Gabe."
37999 7 15 The Search 5707 Andy Oh!
38000 7 15 The Search 5707 Phyllis No, that's not the one I was thinking of. Keep going.
38001 7 15 The Search 5707 Gabe "I know what it smells like but I didn't roll in anything. It's from listening to all of Gabe's bull. "Isn't this the perfect romantic getaway, Erin? Sitting on a deserted island wearing dog costumes? I'm Gabe and I'm a weirdo."
38002 7 15 The Search 5707 Gabe "Gabe's mom... hmm... Gabe's mom? Wait. Tall woman? Looks like Gabe? Yeah, I banged her."
38003 7 15 The Search 5707 Phyllis Yeah, there you go.
38004 7 16 PDA 5708 Pam Hey. How you doing?
38005 7 16 PDA 5708 Darryl Thinking about my grandmother a lot.
38006 7 16 PDA 5708 Pam Yeah.
38007 7 16 PDA 5708 Darryl She was about to turn 97.
38008 7 16 PDA 5708 Pam At least she lived a very long and I'm sure, a very happy life. Got you this card. When you're ready. We all signed it. We just wanted you to know we're thinking about you.
38009 7 16 PDA 5708 Darryl Thank you. "Congratulations, Darryl. Let's get wasted." "Have fun today, big guy." "Aww, yeah. Party time. Whoo-whoop."
38010 7 16 PDA 5708 Pam It's possible that some people thought it was your birthday.
38011 7 16 PDA 5708 Darryl "Hooray. Live it up big D. " "Days like this don't come often enough. Time to celebrate. You deserve this"?
38012 7 16 PDA 5708 Andy Birthday punches! One two three four five sice seven eight!
38013 7 16 PDA 5708 Pam I'm so sorry.
38014 7 16 PDA 5708 Andy ...thirteen fourteen fifteen sixteen seventeen eighteen nineteen twenty twenty-one twenty-two twenty-three twenty-four twenty-five twenty-six!...
38015 7 16 PDA 5709 Andy ...So I got an early res at Blue Wasabi and I'm taking Rachel. She's picking me up after work.
38016 7 16 PDA 5709 Darryl Rachel from the party?
38017 7 16 PDA 5709 Andy Oh, yeah!
38018 7 16 PDA 5709 Darryl Nice. Do the damn thing. - Pow!
38019 7 16 PDA 5709 Phyllis Blue Wasabi is so good, but get the cheeseburger. They say they won't do it, but they will if you make a scene.
38020 7 16 PDA 5709 Holly Okay, bye. Okay, bye. I'll miss you.
38021 7 16 PDA 5709 Michael Miss you. Okay. I'll be in my office if you need me.
38022 7 16 PDA 5709 Holly Bye.
38023 7 16 PDA 5709 Michael Okay, bye. Bye. All right, bye. Bye... bye.
38024 7 16 PDA 5709 Holly Okay, one more quick one.
38025 7 16 PDA 5709 Michael Don't go. I don't want you to go. Oh don't go. Don't go.
38026 7 16 PDA 5710 Michael Holly and I are dating. It's been a week, and I still can't believe it. It goes to show that everything you want in life, you get. And you can't work for it. It just comes to you.
38027 7 16 PDA 5711 Gabe And what do we have here?
38028 7 16 PDA 5711 Erin From my secret admirer. That's you!
38029 7 16 PDA 5711 Gabe Come on.
38030 7 16 PDA 5712 Gabe I dominate Valentine's Day. I practically make romance into a science.
38031 7 16 PDA 5713 Erin "Roses are red. Violets are blue. Look in the vase to find your first clue." Oh, my gosh. It's a romantic scavenger hunt!
38032 7 16 PDA 5713 Gabe Oh, close. It's a romantic treasure hunt. A scavenger hunt is where you find items from a master list. This is where you follow clues that lead to a prize. Common misuse. Good luck.
38033 7 16 PDA 5713 Erin But, there's no clue.
38034 7 16 PDA 5713 Gabe Well, get to work.
38035 7 16 PDA 5713 Erin I can't, 'cause there's no clue.
38036 7 16 PDA 5713 Gabe The puzzle is the clue.
38037 7 16 PDA 5713 Erin Oh.
38038 7 16 PDA 5714 Michael Are these numbers correct?
38039 7 16 PDA 5714 Oscar The numbers are correct, Michael.
38040 7 16 PDA 5714 Michael Okay.
38041 7 16 PDA 5714 Michael Are you... are you sick, Oscar? Do you need to go home? 'Cause you're grossing me out.
38042 7 16 PDA 5714 Oscar I jus... I just need a signature.
38043 7 16 PDA 5715 Jim There you go. Thanks.
38044 7 16 PDA 5715 Pam How much did you give him?
38045 7 16 PDA 5715 Jim Big tip.
38046 7 16 PDA 5715 Pam Wait. I don't have my scarf.
38047 7 16 PDA 5715 Jim What?
38048 7 16 PDA 5715 Pam I'm missing my scarf. Oh.
38049 7 16 PDA 5716 Jim We decided to have a Valentine's day lunch and then that way we can spend the entire night with Cece and avoid the Valentine's day dinner thing. It's a whole thing.
38050 7 16 PDA 5716 Pam Yeah, lunch was wonderful!
38051 7 16 PDA 5716 Jim Shh.
38052 7 16 PDA 5716 Pam Um, there was an amazing buffet and there was a chocolate fondue... station. And what else was there?
38053 7 16 PDA 5716 Jim Um, bottomless champagne.
38054 7 16 PDA 5716 Pam Yes. Never found that bottom, did we?
38055 7 16 PDA 5716 Jim No.
38056 7 16 PDA 5717 Erin Psst! Psst!
38057 7 16 PDA 5717 Andy What's up?
38058 7 16 PDA 5717 Erin Are you good at jigsaw puzzles?
38059 7 16 PDA 5717 Andy Are you kidding me? It's all I did every summer when my brothers were out sailing.
38060 7 16 PDA 5717 Erin Okay.
38061 7 16 PDA 5717 Andy But if there is a romantic thing with Gabe, I should probably...
38062 7 16 PDA 5717 Erin Oh! No, no, no, no. It's not weird at all. You have your new girlfriend. I have Gabe. This is just as friends.
38063 7 16 PDA 5717 Andy Well, okay then.
38064 7 16 PDA 5717 Erin Yes!
38065 7 16 PDA 5717 Andy At least until Stanley calms down.
38066 7 16 PDA 5717 Erin Oh, is he...
38067 7 16 PDA 5717 Andy D...d...d...d...don't look. I accidentally did his Sudoku.
38068 7 16 PDA 5717 Erin Andy.
38069 7 16 PDA 5718 Jim All right, I will fax over it to you. Whoop. I will fax it over to you. Okay. Thank you.
38070 7 16 PDA 5718 Dwight Okay, my name is j...j...j...j...j...j...j...j Jim Halpert and I will fax it in to you... under you. I'll fax it under you. Oh, excuse me. I just p...p...p...p pissed my pants. Not really. I didn't really.
38071 7 16 PDA 5718 Jim Wait.
38072 7 16 PDA 5718 Dwight You're just filling that out right now. That wasn't meant for me. I will not be your Valentine.
38073 7 16 PDA 5718 Jim Aww, nuts.
38074 7 16 PDA 5719 Angela I don't know if anyone else feels this way and don't get me wrong, I love Michael and Holly, and maybe I'm being overly sensitive, but... the PDA.
38075 7 16 PDA 5719 Oscar Yes! The freaking PDA!
38076 7 16 PDA 5719 Angela Uh-huh.
38077 7 16 PDA 5719 Oscar Thank you! I mean, I'm thrilled for them.
38078 7 16 PDA 5719 Angela No one is more thrilled for them than I am...
38079 7 16 PDA 5719 Oscar Yes, yes, absolutely.
38080 7 16 PDA 5719 Angela ...but it's totally inappropriate.
38081 7 16 PDA 5719 Darryl Yeah, it's a little much.
38082 7 16 PDA 5719 Phyllis Mm-hmm.
38083 7 16 PDA 5719 Darryl Obviously, so happy for them both.
38084 7 16 PDA 5719 Oscar So happy. Yeah.
38085 7 16 PDA 5719 Kevin I don't know, guys. I, for one, enjoy watching them, because...
38086 7 16 PDA 5719 Angela No, stop! Just don't.
38087 7 16 PDA 5719 Oscar Kevin!
38088 7 16 PDA 5719 Kevin Can I finish? Can I finish? Is that okay? I was saying...I enjoy watching them because it makes me horny.
38089 7 16 PDA 5719 Angela God! Kevin!
38090 7 16 PDA 5720 Erin So tell me about your new girlfriend.
38091 7 16 PDA 5720 Andy She's neat. Uh, I met her at Darryl's cousin's party. We were the only two white people there.
38092 7 16 PDA 5720 Erin Aww, cute.
38093 7 16 PDA 5720 Andy Hey, look at that. Done.
38094 7 16 PDA 5720 Erin That's Gabe's boom box. Come on. We have to go find it.
38095 7 16 PDA 5720 Andy I wish you well on your quest.
38096 7 16 PDA 5720 Erin No, come on.
38097 7 16 PDA 5720 Andy Aww, I mean...
38098 7 16 PDA 5720 Erin Come on!
38099 7 16 PDA 5720 Andy Okay.
38100 7 16 PDA 5720 Erin Ha!
38101 7 16 PDA 5721 Gabe I hear them kissing all the time. It's this horrible plipping sound. You know, it's like Chinese water torture. Just... like it's coming from my own head.
38102 7 16 PDA 5721 Michael Sit. Okay, just close your eyes.
38103 7 16 PDA 5721 Holly Ohh. Can you get lower?
38104 7 16 PDA 5721 Michael Oh, yeah.
38105 7 16 PDA 5721 Holly A little lower.
38106 7 16 PDA 5722 Holly I cannot keep myself from Michael. Everything he does is sexy. He has this undeniable animal magnetism. He's a jungle cat. The man exudes s*x. He can put both his legs behind his head.
38107 7 16 PDA 5723 Gabe Thank you all for meeting on such sort notice.
38108 7 16 PDA 5723 Gabe Yes?
38109 7 16 PDA 5723 Michael Yes. Michael Scott, Dunder Mifflin. What is the purpose of this meeting?
38110 7 16 PDA 5723 Gabe Seeing as it's Valentine's Day, I felt it would be apropos to have a little refresher course on romance in the workplace.
38111 7 16 PDA 5723 Michael Perfect. Yes. It is quite apro-propriate. Carry on.
38112 7 16 PDA 5723 Gabe First things first. An office romance is permissible. Not something you'd expect to hear from corporate. Well, guess what. Sabre is 100% tolerant of office romances.
38113 7 16 PDA 5723 Ryan Speaking of, Gabe, I don't see Erin at this meeting.
38114 7 16 PDA 5723 Meredith Uh, I also don't see Andy.
38115 7 16 PDA 5723 Kevin Oooh.
38116 7 16 PDA 5723 Jim OOH! Boom! Face!
38117 7 16 PDA 5723 Gabe I get it. Andy's slamming my girlfriend. Very funny. What I do not approve of, however, is public displays of affection, or PDAs. PDAs are totally superfluous to a happy, healthy office romance. Perfect example. Look at Jim and Pam.
38118 7 16 PDA 5723 Pam Yeah. What? Us?
38119 7 16 PDA 5723 Gabe They don't touch. They don't kiss. You would hardly even know that they were husband and wife.
38120 7 16 PDA 5723 Jim Did it!
38121 7 16 PDA 5723 Pam Yeah!
38122 7 16 PDA 5723 Jim Love it. Keep it goin.
38123 7 16 PDA 5723 Gabe Okay. So, PDAs. That's gonna include behaviors such as hugging, kissing, uh...
38124 7 16 PDA 5723 Kevin Booby honking.
38125 7 16 PDA 5723 Gabe Yeah, booby honking. Sure.
38126 7 16 PDA 5723 Kevin Butt honking.
38127 7 16 PDA 5723 Gabe Butt honking. Yeah, all the honking.
38128 7 16 PDA 5723 Creed The one where you start in a crouches position, then you leap...
38129 7 16 PDA 5723 Gabe Sure. Basically, there's no precise definition, but you know it when you see it. Ahem.
38130 7 16 PDA 5723 Oscar Are you guys listening to this?
38131 7 16 PDA 5723 Michael What, are you talking about me and Holly?
38132 7 16 PDA 5723 Pam Yeah!
38133 7 16 PDA 5723 Gabe Maybe you find your own chair.
38134 7 16 PDA 5724 Holly So we kiss occasionally.
38135 7 16 PDA 5724 Oscar Not occasionally. All the time.
38136 7 16 PDA 5724 Phyllis Yeah, and it's not just the kissing. It's the flirtatious whispering.
38137 7 16 PDA 5724 Stanley The flirtatious tickling.
38138 7 16 PDA 5724 Michael Whispering and tickling have their place in business.
38139 7 16 PDA 5724 Darryl That thing were you softly exhale on her neck.
38140 7 16 PDA 5724 Michael I... Okay, yeah, that's pretty hot. I will give you that. Look, you are all hypocrites. You all do it.
38141 7 16 PDA 5724 Dwight Michael. Confession: I have done PDA in the office.
38142 7 16 PDA 5724 Michael Thank you.
38143 7 16 PDA 5724 Dwight I've had intercourse in the office.
38144 7 16 PDA 5724 Michael All right.
38145 7 16 PDA 5724 Dwight As has Angela!
38146 7 16 PDA 5724 Angela Dwight!
38147 7 16 PDA 5724 Dwight As has Ryan. As has Kelly. As has Meredith. As has Phyllis. As has Darryl. As has Creed. As has Michael and as has Holly.
38148 7 16 PDA 5724 Kevin As has Kevin!
38149 7 16 PDA 5724 Angela With who?
38150 7 16 PDA 5724 Kevin She goes to another school.
38151 7 16 PDA 5724 Michael Okay. Fine. No more PDA.
38152 7 16 PDA 5724 Oscar Good.
38153 7 16 PDA 5724 Michael You win. But here's what we are going to do. We are going to designate one of our closets as a hook-up zone.
38154 7 16 PDA 5724 Angela No.
38155 7 16 PDA 5724 Michael Anything goes.
38156 7 16 PDA 5724 Oscar Just leave it how you said...
38157 7 16 PDA 5724 Dwight Michael, that's absurd. What if two couples want to go at the same time?
38158 7 16 PDA 5724 Michael Okay, then we have two closets. No, no, we're gonna have three closets, one for each base, no homers. Yes?
38159 7 16 PDA 5724 Dwight And what is the hook-up zone policy on masturbation?
38160 7 16 PDA 5724 Michael Pro.
38161 7 16 PDA 5724 Dwight Yes!
38162 7 16 PDA 5724 Michael What? Problem solved.
38163 7 16 PDA 5725 Michael No, no, it's great. I love working at Dunder Mifflin, a division of Taliban enterprises.
38164 7 16 PDA 5726 Pam That's weird. I mean, that's weird to have s*x in the office. That's where you work, right?
38165 7 16 PDA 5726 Jim Mm-hmm.
38166 7 16 PDA 5726 Pam You know, you're in a meeting, and nobody knows that you've had s*x there, except for you and him.
38167 7 16 PDA 5726 Jim Ew.
38168 7 16 PDA 5727 Erin Don't mind us. You keep working.
38169 7 16 PDA 5727 Darryl Okay. I'll keep working.
38170 7 16 PDA 5727 Erin Oh, my God. It's a song.
38171 7 16 PDA 5727 Andy Whoa.
38172 7 16 PDA 5727 Erin What do you think is on it?
38173 7 16 PDA 5727 Andy We should actually probably talk about it outside or we might make Darryl mad.
38174 7 16 PDA 5727 Erin Not if we're talking like this. I think it's okay. He doesn't seem to hear us.
38175 7 16 PDA 5727 Andy I think he can hear us.
38176 7 16 PDA 5727 Andy That makes sense, 'cause I feel like I'd be able to hear us at this level.
38177 7 16 PDA 5727 Erin Darryl.
38178 7 16 PDA 5727 Andy Darryl is a jerk.
38179 7 16 PDA 5727 Erin No, he's not.
38180 7 16 PDA 5727 Andy No, I'm just testing if he can hear.
38181 7 16 PDA 5727 Darryl I can hear you.
38182 7 16 PDA 5727 Andy Oh. Okay.
38183 7 16 PDA 5727 Erin Okay. Then no more talking. Let's just play the song.
38184 7 16 PDA 5727 Boom Box The temp at night. The temp at night. The temp at night. The temp at night.
38185 7 16 PDA 5727 Andy The temp at night?
38186 7 16 PDA 5727 Erin What do you...
38187 7 16 PDA 5727 Darryl You got it. Pick it up. Take it out.
38188 7 16 PDA 5727 Andy Pi...
38189 7 16 PDA 5727 Darryl Pick it up.
38190 7 16 PDA 5727 Andy Okay.
38191 7 16 PDA 5727 Darryl Take it out. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Take it out.
38192 7 16 PDA 5727 Andy Right. Okay.
38193 7 16 PDA 5728 Holly Sorry to interrupt. Forgot to collect my things.
38194 7 16 PDA 5728 Michael Ah, the old "leave behind." Oldest trick in the book. Good thing it's working.
38195 7 16 PDA 5728 Holly Oh, no. Michael, I don't want to make people uncomfortable.
38196 7 16 PDA 5728 Michael Since when is comfort the most important thing? I mean, I don't... I don't sit on your lap because it's comfortable. I sit on your lap because I like the way your thighs feel on my butt.
38197 7 16 PDA 5728 Holly Yeah, but if they're uncomfortable, it makes me uncomfortable.
38198 7 16 PDA 5728 Michael Oh. Okay. Well, if it makes you uncomfortable, then we'll stop.
38199 7 16 PDA 5728 Holly Okay.
38200 7 16 PDA 5729 Michael Holly and I are like Romeo and Juliet. And this office is like the dragon that kept them apart.
38201 7 16 PDA 5730 Michael Hey, you know why people here are complaining? They are jealous of two people in love on Valentine's Day.
38202 7 16 PDA 5730 Holly Two people in love?
38203 7 16 PDA 5730 Michael I love you.
38204 7 16 PDA 5730 Holly Wait, wait, wait, what do you mean you love me? We've only been dating for a week. Do you mean you love me like, "oh, hey, there's Holly. I love that girl." Or you do you mean you love me like you love me-love me?
38205 7 16 PDA 5730 Michael I love you-love you.
38206 7 16 PDA 5730 Holly Wow, you love me-love me. I love you-love you.
38207 7 16 PDA 5730 Michael I am really disappointed in the office's policy on PDA at this moment. I love you.
38208 7 16 PDA 5730 Holly I love you.
38209 7 16 PDA 5731 Michael Yeah, whatever. No big deal. Just the hottest girl in the world loves me.
38210 7 16 PDA 5732 Andy Okay, Ryan's the temp. What does he do at night?
38211 7 16 PDA 5732 Erin I guess we just have to wait until night and see.
38212 7 16 PDA 5732 Andy Oh, or maybe not.
38213 7 16 PDA 5732 Erin Oh. Cool.
38214 7 16 PDA 5732 Andy How romantic is this?
38215 7 16 PDA 5732 Erin Super romantic.
38216 7 16 PDA 5732 Andy Right. Do you see a clue or...
38217 7 16 PDA 5732 Erin Yeah. Did you not see it?
38218 7 16 PDA 5732 Andy Oh, my gosh.
38219 7 16 PDA 5732 Erin Hanks.
38220 7 16 PDA 5733 Jim, Pam Hey!
38221 7 16 PDA 5733 Andy, Erin Hey.
38222 7 16 PDA 5733 Andy No time to chat.
38223 7 16 PDA 5733 Erin Sorry.
38224 7 16 PDA 5733 Jim Well, we were just looking for Ryan, so he's not here.
38225 7 16 PDA 5733 Ryan Hey. You're looking for me?
38226 7 16 PDA 5733 Pam Oh, yeah, we were. We were just looking to say hi. So hey.
38227 7 16 PDA 5733 Ryan No you weren't.
38228 7 16 PDA 5733 Pam No, we weren't.
38229 7 16 PDA 5733 Ryan You wanted to have s*x in my office.
38230 7 16 PDA 5733 Pam No.
38231 7 16 PDA 5733 Jim Definitely not. That's disgusting.
38232 7 16 PDA 5733 Ryan No. It's... it's cool. Just try to put everything back were you found it. Text me when you're finished. I'll be out here.
38233 7 16 PDA 5733 Jim Hey, you don't have to...
38234 7 16 PDA 5733 Pam That was so embarrassing. I'm gonna die.
38235 7 16 PDA 5733 Jim That was really rough.
38236 7 16 PDA 5734 Pam Let me make something clear. Jim and I have never and will never have s*x in the office.
38237 7 16 PDA 5734 Jim No, because the office isn't what I'd consider a romantic place.
38238 7 16 PDA 5734 Pam Besides, we have something those other people don't have, which is a home and a bed.
38239 7 16 PDA 5734 Jim And a shower.
38240 7 16 PDA 5735 Michael Hello, Holly.
38241 7 16 PDA 5735 Holly Hello.
38242 7 16 PDA 5735 Michael Here, shake. No!
38243 7 16 PDA 5735 Holly No, don't touch.
38244 7 16 PDA 5735 Michael No, we can't.
38245 7 16 PDA 5735 Holly No touching.
38246 7 16 PDA 5735 Michael No touching. Ah, I'm trying not to touch you.
38247 7 16 PDA 5735 Holly Oh.
38248 7 16 PDA 5735 Michael Oh.
38249 7 16 PDA 5735 Holly Almost got you.
38250 7 16 PDA 5735 Michael Oh, no, so close. Oh. No, we can't do that. We can't do this. Ohh.
38251 7 16 PDA 5735 Holly You're not touching me.
38252 7 16 PDA 5735 Michael I don't know what your body feels like 'cause I can't touch it.
38253 7 16 PDA 5735 Oscar Okay, this is much worse than before.
38254 7 16 PDA 5735 Kevin Yeah, I agree. This is nasty.
38255 7 16 PDA 5735 Michael Grab you here.
38256 7 16 PDA 5735 Holly And here.
38257 7 16 PDA 5735 Michael I will grab you here anyway.
38258 7 16 PDA 5736 Gabe You have to cut it out.
38259 7 16 PDA 5736 Holly Okay.
38260 7 16 PDA 5736 Michael Never.
38261 7 16 PDA 5736 Holly You said you would.
38262 7 16 PDA 5736 Michael I did say I would, but I was wrong. I can't stop. You don't what it is like to love a woman and have her love you back. It is a feeling that cannot and will not, and frankly, cannot be contained.
38263 7 16 PDA 5736 Gabe No one is a bigger fan of sexual touching than me. But with you two, it's reaching the level of a complex. I can think of three explanations. One: You're taking MDMA. Street name, ecstasy. I've done it, and I know the feeling.
38264 7 16 PDA 5736 Holly No, I don't think so.
38265 7 16 PDA 5736 Gabe Number two: You're desperately trying to fit in a whole relationship before Toby comes back from jury duty and Holly has to go back to Nashua. Or three: You're at an age where your sexual climaxes aren't as powerful so you need to overcompensate with foreplay, taboo behavior.
38266 7 16 PDA 5736 Michael Yes, it was that. It's that one.
38267 7 16 PDA 5736 Holly Yes. Number three.
38268 7 16 PDA 5737 Holly Give me all your money and take off your clothes.
38269 7 16 PDA 5737 Michael We're not supposed to PDA.
38270 7 16 PDA 5737 Holly Come one. Nobody's looking. What's wrong?
38271 7 16 PDA 5737 Michael I haven't thought about you having to go back to Nashua.
38272 7 16 PDA 5737 Holly Maybe we didn't want to think about it. We can make it work. We'll date long-distance.
38273 7 16 PDA 5737 Michael That's what we said last time. Remember? We broke up on the drive. How's this gonna be any different?
38274 7 16 PDA 5737 Holly We weren't in love last time.
38275 7 16 PDA 5737 Michael I was in love with you.
38276 7 16 PDA 5737 Holly I'm not saying it won't be hard. But we can make it work. That's what she said.
38277 7 16 PDA 5738 Erin Oh. One Erin Special, please.
38278 7 16 PDA 5738 Hank Here's your bottle of sparkling cider.
38279 7 16 PDA 5738 Andy Hey.
38280 7 16 PDA 5738 Erin That's my favorite.
38281 7 16 PDA 5738 Hank I'm now supposed to tell you to enjoy a mind-hunt break and look for a heart or some in the break room when you're through.
38282 7 16 PDA 5739 Kevin Hey, buck up, buddy!
38283 7 16 PDA 5739 Darryl Make that face he likes.
38284 7 16 PDA 5739 Dwight Hey. Hey. Come on. You're hurting him.
38285 7 16 PDA 5739 Michael It's like a time bomb...
38286 7 16 PDA 5739 Dwight Shh.
38287 7 16 PDA 5739 Michael ...is ticking down. When it goes off, no more kissing. No more hugging.
38288 7 16 PDA 5739 Dwight Just hush.
38289 7 16 PDA 5739 Michael Sexual time bomb.
38290 7 16 PDA 5739 Dwight Just rock. Shh.
38291 7 16 PDA 5739 Michael Boner Bomb starring Jason Statham. Or we go against type with an Eisenberg or a Michael Cera.
38292 7 16 PDA 5739 Dwight Movie idea?
38293 7 16 PDA 5739 Michael No. Saving the world has never been this hard.
38294 7 16 PDA 5739 Dwight Okay. Shh. Have you talked to her about your feelings? Women really go for that crap.
38295 7 16 PDA 5739 Michael No, I can't talk to her. I can't even look at her without thinking about it ending.
38296 7 16 PDA 5739 Dwight Kevin! Do more stupid faces.
38297 7 16 PDA 5739 Kevin Which one? I have a lot of stupid faces.
38298 7 16 PDA 5739 Dwight I don't know.
38299 7 16 PDA 5739 Michael Do the monkey face.
38300 7 16 PDA 5739 Dwight Do the monkey face!
38301 7 16 PDA 5739 Michael I love that. I love that face.
38302 7 16 PDA 5739 Dwight Good. He loves it. Good. Jump. Jump up and down.
38303 7 16 PDA 5739 Michael No. The monkey!
38304 7 16 PDA 5739 Dwight Go back to the monkey!
38305 7 16 PDA 5739 Michael Don't do the squirrel. Throw your poop.
38306 7 16 PDA 5739 Dwight Hurl your feces.
38307 7 16 PDA 5739 Michael That's good.
38308 7 16 PDA 5739 Dwight Good.
38309 7 16 PDA 5739 Michael That's good. He's throwing it.
38310 7 16 PDA 5739 Dwight They really do that.
38311 7 16 PDA 5739 Michael I know.
38312 7 16 PDA 5740 Erin B-9.
38313 7 16 PDA 5740 Andy B-9.
38314 7 16 PDA 5740 Erin Like a benign tumor.
38315 7 16 PDA 5740 Andy Maybe it's just more like, "be mine."
38316 7 16 PDA 5740 Erin Oh, yes. There's a note. "A little cookie for you, my miss. But the real treasure is your Valentine's kiss."
38317 7 16 PDA 5740 Andy Mm.
38318 7 16 PDA 5740 Erin Mm. Oh. We're suppose to...mmm
38319 7 16 PDA 5740 Andy Hmm.
38320 7 16 PDA 5741 Michael Holly. Hey.
38321 7 16 PDA 5741 Holly Hi.
38322 7 16 PDA 5741 Michael Holly, I love you so, so, so much. And I think we need to break up.
38323 7 16 PDA 5741 Holly What? What are you talking about?
38324 7 16 PDA 5741 Michael Actually, it's Valentine's Day. Shouldn't be doing this today. I'll talk to you tomorrow.
38325 7 16 PDA 5741 Holly No, we're gonna talk now. You're not breaking up with me.
38326 7 16 PDA 5741 Michael You're gonna go back to Nashua eventually, and I can't handle it. So let's just...let's...
38327 7 16 PDA 5741 Holly What if I said it wasn't up to them?
38328 7 16 PDA 5741 Michael Who?
38329 7 16 PDA 5741 Holly The company. Nobody knows our future, but it's not gonna be decided by the company. It's not gonna be decided by anybody but us. What we are is up to you and me.
38330 7 16 PDA 5741 Michael Okay. Okay.
38331 7 16 PDA 5742 Michael Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement to make. As of today, officially, Holly and I are moving into together. Yay! Thank you. Thank you. Oscar, this must be tough for you, watching this go down. You could not stand in the way of true love, my friend!
38332 7 16 PDA 5742 Oscar Are you kidding? I wasn't trying to break you guys up.
38333 7 16 PDA 5742 Kevin Better luck next time, pal.
38334 7 16 PDA 5742 Michael Well, the point is, there will no longer be any need for PDA here at the office between us because, when we get home, we are going to make love to and with one another, and that, to me, is the best Valentine's Day present that a person could receive. So I bid you all adieu.
38335 7 16 PDA 5742 Holly You do?
38336 7 16 PDA 5742 Michael I do.
38337 7 16 PDA 5742 Oscar Go on. Kiss each other already.
38338 7 16 PDA 5742 Kevin Suck it, Oscar. This must kill you.
38339 7 16 PDA 5742 Oscar I just told them to do it!
38340 7 16 PDA 5743 Jim What?
38341 7 16 PDA 5743 Pam No.
38342 7 16 PDA 5743 Jim No. We took a walk.
38343 7 16 PDA 5743 Pam We took a walk.
38344 7 16 PDA 5744 Dwight My perfect Valentine's Day? I'm at home, three cell phones in front of me, fielding desperate calls from people who want to buy one of the 50 restaurant reservations I made over six months ago.
38345 7 16 PDA 5745 Ryan Anybody can be Prince Charming one day a year with the dinner and the flowers and all that. But you know what impresses me? When a guy can do that no days a year.
38346 7 16 PDA 5746 Kelly Flowers, diamonds, three-course meal, violinist comes to my table to serenade me...
38347 7 16 PDA 5747 Kevin Pizza, soda, the moon, someone to share it with.
38348 7 16 PDA 5748 Michael What are our plans for tonight? Umm...
38349 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5749 Michael Leave it at reception.
38350 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5749 Delivery I'm supposed to deliver this one in person.
38351 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5749 Michael Clean up on aisle five. : Midnight titlescreen appears]
38352 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5750 Michael After three years of writing, one year of shooting, four years of re-shooting and two years of editing, I have finally completed my movie, Threat Level: Midnight.
38353 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5751 Michael Erin... what are you doing?
38354 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5751 Erin Guys! Guys. Did you guys know that our own Michael Scott has made a movie, and that he maybe will let us watch it, but only if everybody's dying to see it.
38355 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5751 Michael That's... That's. Well, don't put words in my mouth.
38356 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5752 Jim Threat Level: Midnight is the great lost film of Michael Scott.
38357 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5752 Pam We're all in it, from like years and years ago. It's like a home movie.
38358 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5752 Jim Yeah, if Michael Scott did your home movie!
38359 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5752 Pam Michael screened a work in progress for us, years ago, and it didn't go well. We thought it was a comedy. Everything pointed to it being a comedy.
38360 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5753 Pam We'd love to see it!
38361 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5753 Michael Sweet, I will go invite Holly.
38362 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5753 Pam Okay everyone, I know we're really excited to see this movie that everybody's in, but we have to remember that Michael is sensitive, so let's stay positive! And no laughing, no comments, just positive energy and we'll have a pure fun day! Okay?
38363 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5753 Creed Thanks mom.
38364 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5754 Holly You never told me you made a movie.
38365 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5754 Michael Mhmm! It's got action, it's got heart, it's got some bosom.
38366 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5754 Holly It's got you.
38367 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5754 Michael It's got a lot of me.
38368 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5754 Holly I can't wait.
38369 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5755 Michael Ladies and gentleman, Threat Level: Midnight.
38370 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5756 Samuel Master Scarn.
38371 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5757 Dwight I play Samuel, Michael Scarn's robot butler. I wanted Samuel's voice- to be like this! But Michael thought that Samuel should be a very advance android, almost indistinguishable from a real person.
38372 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5758 Michael Dwight does not play a robot.
38373 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5759 Michael I'm up.
38374 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5759 Samuel It's the president. He needs you for a mission.
38375 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5759 Michael Tell him I'm retired.
38376 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5759 Dwight It's Goldenface.
38377 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5759 Michael Goldenface, this makes it personal.
38378 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5760 Daryl I gave up a lot of weekends because I thought it'd be good for my daughter to see a black man as president. Even in a silly home movie. What a stupid waste of time.
38379 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5761 Samuel We have to search the stadium.
38380 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5761 President Not so fast, Goldenface has taken all the concession stand workers hostage. Scarn, will you find these hostages, and save the game?
38381 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5761 Michael Heads I do it, tails I don't. Best out of seven. Heads. Tails. ...Heads...Tails...Heads...Tails. Well, it looks like there's going to be a clean-up on aisle five.
38382 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5762 Goldenface Oh someone's coming alright, the only man who would care. Michael Scarn. See I'm gonna lure him here, then I kill everybody, then... I'm gonna dig up Scarn's dead wife, and I'm gonna hump her real good.
38383 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5763 Jim I did not love the dialogue. Or the character. I took the role to impress a receptionist who will remain nameless.
38384 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5764 Michael I'm not here to learn how to mop, I'm here to learn how to play hockey.
38385 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5764 Cherokee Jack Mop it. Now take this.
38386 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5764 Michael What am I supposed to do with this?
38387 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5764 Cherokee Jack Mop.
38388 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5765 Goldenface Die!
38389 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5765 Michael Nice try Goldenface, but you forgot one thing, to kill me.
38390 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5765 Goldenface I wasn't trying to kill you, I was trying to slow you down.
38391 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5765 Michael No!
38392 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5765 Goldenface Oh by the way!
38393 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5765 Michael Yeah?
38394 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5765 Goldenface How's your wife doing?
38395 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5766 Oscar Hey, you came in second. Not bad either.
38396 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5766 Michael I am sorry that I have to do this...
38397 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5766 Oscar Huh...
38398 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5766 Michael I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
38399 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5767 Michael Not who, what. The Funky Cat is the hippest Jazz Club in town.
38400 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5767 Samuel Oh-
38401 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5768 Dwight He cut the part where my circuit board malfunctioned! What was the point of spilling the drink on me?
38402 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5769 Jan He finished his movie? No kidding. Wow, that's great. Yeah that's good for him.
38403 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5770 Jan The hostages are under the stadium.
38404 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5770 Michael Jack Blaise.
38405 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5771 Goldenface Ha! This is gonna show them that I mean business. See ya!
38406 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5772 Michael By far and away, the most expensive shot in the movie. But, it was integral to the story.
38407 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5773 Kevin Michael Scarn!
38408 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5773 Goldenface Sorry about your friend, Scarn!
38409 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5773 Michael The joke's on you Goldenface, that man was a wanted animal rapist.
38410 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5773 Samuel We've searched the whole building, Goldenface, where is the bomb?
38411 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5773 Goldenface Hm?
38412 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5773 Samuel We've searched the whole building, Goldenface, where is the bomb?
38413 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5773 Goldenface Hm?
38414 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5773 Samuel We've searched the wh- ok...
38415 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5773 Michael He said, where is the bomb?
38416 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5773 Goldenface In the puck!
38417 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5773 Michael Why are you telling me this?
38418 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5773 Goldenface Because I'm going to kill you. Unless! You forgive me for murdering your wife.
38419 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5773 Michael Hey Goldenface.
38420 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5773 Goldenface Yeah?
38421 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5773 Michael Go puck yourself!
38422 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5773 Samuel Noooo!
38423 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5774 Michael That was not scripted.
38424 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5775 Helene You've already had four.
38425 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5775 Pam Looking at her mother on screen, horrified] Oh God... So good.
38426 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5775 Helene You're lucky to be alive.
38427 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5775 Michael It'll take a lot more than a bullet to the brain, lungs, heart, back, and balls to kill Michael Scarn.
38428 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5775 Helene Let's just make sure that everything's... Working properly...
38429 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5775 Michael, Samuel Yes.
38430 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5776 President Is that where you hid the bomb Goldenface?
38431 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5776 Samuel But why would you blow up the stadium? You OWN the stadium!
38432 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5776 Michael For the insurance money! I knew it all along! You will never get away with this!
38433 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5776 Billy You don't looks so good, what's got ya down?
38434 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5776 Michael I got problems Billy. Big problems...
38435 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5776 Billy You got problems?! My TV don't work! I pay thirty bucks a month for the damn satellite what's-a-whosit, I can't even get the damn game! Now you tell me, what's worse than that?
38436 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5776 Michael Don't ever change Billy. Goldenface is going to blow up the NHL All Star Game tomorrow.
38437 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5776 Billy I see what you mean about problems. I know what'll cheer you up. That table of bachelorettes over there bought you this drink.
38438 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5776 Karen Ever banged an entire bachelorette party, baby?
38439 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5776 Karen Why are you singling my line out, like, a million years later?
38440 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5776 Billy I'm gonna cheer you up, the only ways I know hows. Hey kid! Hit G-9 on the Jukebox!
38441 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5776 Michael No Billy, I haven't done that dance since my wife died.
38442 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5776 Billy There is a whole crowd of people out there, who need to learn, how to do The Scarn.
38443 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5776 Michael Well my name's Michael Scarn and I'm here to say, I'm about to do The Scarn in a major way. You jump to the right and you shake a hand and you jump to the left and you shake that hand. You meet new friends, and tie that yarn, and that's how you do The Scarn! You jump to the right and you shake a hand and you jump to the left and you shake that hand. You meet new friends, and tie that yarn, and that's how you do The Scarn! You jump to the right and you shake a hand and you jump to the left and you shake that hand. You meet new friends, and tie that yarn, and that's how you do The Scarn!
38444 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5776 Todd Packer If doing The Scarn is gay, then I'm the biggest queer on Earth!
38445 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5777 Jim Sorry.
38446 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5777 Jim I'm sorry, I'm really, really sorry. I think I was just relieved, to see that Michael Scarn got his confidence back.
38447 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5777 Kelly Yeah Michael the movie is amazing!
38448 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5777 Kevin It's like one of the best movies I've ever seen in my life.
38449 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5777 Ryan You should enter it in festivals!
38450 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5777 Kevin Or carnivals!
38451 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5777 Michael Well that's a... pretty good reaction. Pretty cool, right? Did you like it? Did you like that?
38452 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5777 Holly Uh... which part?
38453 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5777 Michael Okay. No, it's not good enough. It's not good enough...
38454 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5777 Andy Some people are really popping on screen!
38455 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5778 Michael Hey.
38456 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5778 Holly Hey! Good movie.
38457 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5778 Michael Mmmm, good? Everybody out there says it's great!
38458 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5778 Holly I loved it.
38459 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5778 Michael Did you? What did you love about it?
38460 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5778 Holly Uhm, I loved that you got to work together with all your friends. Isn't that great when you can all work together like that?
38461 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5779 Michael No, no. Holly, this isn't Ocean's Eleven, where you get together with all your friends and just have fun and don't care about how it turns out. What'd you really think, honestly.
38462 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5779 Holly Uhm...
38463 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5779 Michael Is it, is it because you're afraid of where this is gonna take me? See, because I need you... to keep me grounded.
38464 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5779 Holly Not worried about that.
38465 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5779 Michael It was eleven years, okay? This has been my dream for eleven years, and if you don't think it's great than you're basically saying that you don't believe in my dream.
38466 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5779 Holly Wha- It's your dream and you never even mentioned it before!
38467 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5779 Michael I talk about a lot of things, Holly! I was eventually gonna get around to my dream! Obviously! Eleven years I could've been working on the Scarn Nebulus.
38468 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5779 Holly Well why do you have to make a movie at all?
38469 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5779 Michael Because, if I don't have this, what do I have? I have nothing.
38470 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5779 Holly Really, you can't think of anything else that you might have?
38471 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5779 Michael I have my book on business, Somehow I Manage. I have my HBO comedy special, Here I Go Again dot-dot-dot. But you know what? When I think about it, when I really think about it, none of those things are as real to me as my movie.
38472 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5779 Holly I'm real.
38473 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5779 Michael Yeah, you're a real pain in the ass. And I'm gonna go watch the movie with people who think it's great! And I'm sorry I called you a pain in the ass, I'm angry, and I love you.
38474 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5779 Holly I love you too.
38475 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5780 Michael I am a huge Woody Allen fan. Although I've only seen Antz, but I'll tell you something. What I respect about that man, is that when he was going through all that stuff that came out in the press, about how Antz was just a rip-off of A Bug's Life, he stayed true to his films. Or at least the film that I saw which again was Antz. The thing is... I thought Bug's Life was better, much better. Than Ants. The point is, don't listen to your critics, listen to your fans.
38476 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5781 Michael Who likes Threat Level: Midnight? Okay then who wants to watch the rest?!
38477 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5782 Michael I know, it's a good thing my trainer and mentor is here to cheer me on!
38478 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5782 Samuel Cherokee Jack? Michael he died.
38479 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5782 Michael This one's for you Cherokee Jack.
38480 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5783 Michael We filmed this during an actual Scranton High School Hockey Game, trying to qualify for states.
38481 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5784 Jim That's fine, it's great!
38482 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5784 Michael No, no! Actually it's really screwed up because they , they were trying to qualify, they were disqualified, they had to forfeit the game. Undefeated season. That's why there were so many people there.
38483 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5785 Goldenface Why do you care?
38484 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5785 Pam I'm just making conversation.
38485 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5785 Goldenface I worked in a gold factory, we had a boss, who only cared about money...
38486 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5786 Michael Hey...
38487 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5786 Holly Hey, I'm sorry. It is good.
38488 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5786 Michael No it's not. It's not. But, they really seem to be enjoying it.
38489 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5787 Cherokee Jack I want you to take all of your frustrations, with women, the system, with everything. Take it out on the puck. All on the puck.
38490 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5788 Michael Oh yeah, I guess I did let him be a robot.
38491 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5789 President Michael, it's the president.
38492 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5789 Michael Hello sir.
38493 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5789 President I need you for another mission.
38494 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5789 Michael Ugh... I'm in.
38495 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5790 Andy Whoa Whoa Whoa! Isn't the president evil?
38496 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5790 Michael Oh yeah! Yes he is!
38497 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5790 Dwight No no, he's doing it to catch the president!
38498 7 17 Threat Level Midnight 5790 Michael No, no Dwight. He's just being stupid.
38499 7 18 Todd Packer 5791 Dwight I have the best survival stock shelter in north eastern Pennsylvania. But everything has a shelf-life. So I must eat and replace everything that's about to expire. It's nice not to have to plan my meals.
38500 7 18 Todd Packer 5792 Kevin You're eating eight year old tomatoes?
38501 7 18 Todd Packer 5792 Dwight They're still good for another week.
38502 7 18 Todd Packer 5792 Meredith You know, I think I have some type of cheese in the back of my fridge you might like.
38503 7 18 Todd Packer 5792 Kevin I've got some cheese you might like too. In between my toes.
38504 7 18 Todd Packer 5792 Dwight Hardy har har. Okay picture this: Snowy ash drizzles from the sky. A ravenous pack of dogs surrounds you as the flame at the end of your stick dies out. There's only one hope left for you. The door to my shelter. You pound, you beg, Dwight! Please let me in! But I ignore your cries and do not let you in. You wanna know why?
38505 7 18 Todd Packer 5792 Jim Because of the sign, that says no pounding no begging.
38506 7 18 Todd Packer 5792 Dwight No. Because you laughed at me. Kevin will be eaten! Pam will be taken slave! Jim will be made a warlord's gesture. Meredith will do ok. Be assured this day will come. It's just a matter of time. Could be one month, could be two months.
38507 7 18 Todd Packer 5792 Jim Three months.
38508 7 18 Todd Packer 5792 Dwight Could be.
38509 7 18 Todd Packer 5792 Jim Four months.
38510 7 18 Todd Packer 5792 Dwight I can see that happening, yes.
38511 7 18 Todd Packer 5792 Jim Eight months?
38512 7 18 Todd Packer 5792 Dwight That's a realistic time line.
38513 7 18 Todd Packer 5792 Jim Eleven months.
38514 7 18 Todd Packer 5792 Dwight Perhaps.
38515 7 18 Todd Packer 5792 Jim Okay now really think hard about this one: One year.
38516 7 18 Todd Packer 5792 Dwight I can see that as a very real possibility.
38517 7 18 Todd Packer 5792 Jim Four hundred and ninety-four months?
38518 7 18 Todd Packer 5792 Dwight I can see that happening.
38519 7 18 Todd Packer 5792 Jim Four hundred and ninety-FIVE months. That's just...
38520 7 18 Todd Packer 5793 Todd Packer I really though I was becoming too much of a womanizer. I realized I had shirts in five different women's houses.
38521 7 18 Todd Packer 5793 Michael Still not seeing the problem here.
38522 7 18 Todd Packer 5793 Todd Packer All right, truth is I gotta couple love bumps on my ding-dong so, game-over!
38523 7 18 Todd Packer 5794 Michael It was the best of times, it was the awesomest of times. And now Packer wants to come home. And ohh, look who's here to sign off on it! My boo, Holly.
38524 7 18 Todd Packer 5795 Holly Hi!
38525 7 18 Todd Packer 5795 Michael Hi.
38526 7 18 Todd Packer 5795 Holly You must be Todd.
38527 7 18 Todd Packer 5795 Todd Packer Whoa! I'm sorry, Michael. I thought we were meeting Holly today, not Jennifer Aniston!
38528 7 18 Todd Packer 5795 Holly Very funny. Okay let's get started.
38529 7 18 Todd Packer 5795 Todd Packer After you!
38530 7 18 Todd Packer 5795 Michael Oh, Michael! This'll be just us.
38531 7 18 Todd Packer 5795 Michael Oh, yes yes yes yes. Just so you know, he's at his funniest when you've given him five shots.
38532 7 18 Todd Packer 5795 Holly All right.
38533 7 18 Todd Packer 5795 Michael And it also helps if you've had five shots.
38534 7 18 Todd Packer 5795 Holly I already have.
38535 7 18 Todd Packer 5795 Michael Whoa!
38536 7 18 Todd Packer 5795 Jim Why is Packer back?
38537 7 18 Todd Packer 5795 Michael Is Packer here?
38538 7 18 Todd Packer 5795 Dwight Why's he talking to Holly?
38539 7 18 Todd Packer 5795 Michael Don't know, don't care.
38540 7 18 Todd Packer 5795 Holly Michael loves you, and your sales speak for themselves.
38541 7 18 Todd Packer 5795 Todd Packer Oh!
38542 7 18 Todd Packer 5795 Michael Yes! The Pack is back! Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to a man who needs no introduction, probably because most of you have done it with him. Just kidding he wouldn't be interested in any of you. In all seriousness, Todd Packer, is a permanent salesman at this branch. And I would like to invite you to welcome him with open arms.
38543 7 18 Todd Packer 5795 Kevin Yes!
38544 7 18 Todd Packer 5795 Jim What!?
38545 7 18 Todd Packer 5795 Todd Packer It's great to be among friends, but until then, you suckers will do!
38546 7 18 Todd Packer 5795 Kevin Nice! We got burned!
38547 7 18 Todd Packer 5795 Michael You did! You got burned, because Packer's back! Packer is turning in his car for a desk. He is turning in his condoms, for a condominium! Although he's probably going to have to use condoms from here on out.
38548 7 18 Todd Packer 5795 Dwight Holly, you approved this?
38549 7 18 Todd Packer 5795 Holly Yes I did, I think Todd's gonna make a great addition to the staff.
38550 7 18 Todd Packer 5795 Jim You did approve it?
38551 7 18 Todd Packer 5795 Holly Yeah.
38552 7 18 Todd Packer 5795 Kevin What don't you understand about the word approved? It seems some of you don't know what the word approved means.
38553 7 18 Todd Packer 5796 Kevin I have very little patience for stupidity.
38554 7 18 Todd Packer 5797 Erin Sorry we're late. Gabe fell in the shower.
38555 7 18 Todd Packer 5797 Gabe I'm such a klutz!
38556 7 18 Todd Packer 5797 Erin Yeah, it took the fire department forever to get there. Oh my God, where did this come from?! Who did this?!
38557 7 18 Todd Packer 5798 Pam I got Erin a new computer, because the one at reception sucked. I should know. And I don't wanna say the other one was old, but its I.P. number is one! Right?
38558 7 18 Todd Packer 5799 Erin Thank you Pam.
38559 7 18 Todd Packer 5799 Pam Awwh, you're welcome. My pleasure.
38560 7 18 Todd Packer 5799 Jim Can I do something for ya?
38561 7 18 Todd Packer 5799 Pam I just helped someone out. It feels good.
38562 7 18 Todd Packer 5799 Jim Nice. You know, I cleaned our daughter for like, an hour at four a.m. this morning, so...
38563 7 18 Todd Packer 5799 Pam So you know the feeling.
38564 7 18 Todd Packer 5800 Michael Special delivery for Dwight K. Schrute.
38565 7 18 Todd Packer 5800 Dwight I didn't order anything.
38566 7 18 Todd Packer 5800 Michael And I don't have anything for you. But I do wanna talk to you about something. We have been thinking about where Packer should sit... And we can't just sit around and wait for Creed to die.
38567 7 18 Todd Packer 5800 Dwight Well there's a lot of seats in the annex.
38568 7 18 Todd Packer 5800 Michael So you wouldn't mind permanently relocating, so that Packer can take this desk here.
38569 7 18 Todd Packer 5800 Todd Packer Thanks man, it'd mean a lot.
38570 7 18 Todd Packer 5800 Dwight I have been sitting here for ten years, Michael.
38571 7 18 Todd Packer 5800 Todd Packer well I was there for twelve years. Plus my name's carved under the desk.
38572 7 18 Todd Packer 5800 Dwight No it is not.
38573 7 18 Todd Packer 5800 Todd Packer Is too!
38574 7 18 Todd Packer 5800 Michael Let's look at this.
38575 7 18 Todd Packer 5800 Todd Packer Check it out!
38576 7 18 Todd Packer 5800 Dwight I don't wanna move desks!
38577 7 18 Todd Packer 5800 Michael Don't be a baby! Okay! There it is. Packer was here and so was your mom!
38578 7 18 Todd Packer 5800 Jim Do I have any say in this?!
38579 7 18 Todd Packer 5800 Michael No!
38580 7 18 Todd Packer 5800 Todd Packer Don't even watch, Halpert!
38581 7 18 Todd Packer 5801 Dwight Hey, who's dirt box is this?
38582 7 18 Todd Packer 5801 Holly Oh, that's our Zen garden.
38583 7 18 Todd Packer 5801 Dwight What do you grow in here, bullcrap?
38584 7 18 Todd Packer 5801 Pam Hey, um...
38585 7 18 Todd Packer 5801 Holly Hey, what's up guys?
38586 7 18 Todd Packer 5801 Meredith Don't what's up us! You think you're so cute, with your pretty blonde hair!
38587 7 18 Todd Packer 5801 Jim Whoa, pull it back. Uhm, why did you hire Todd Packer?
38588 7 18 Todd Packer 5801 Holly Uhm.
38589 7 18 Todd Packer 5801 Pam He's seriously awful!
38590 7 18 Todd Packer 5801 Holly Michael's recommendation was glowing! And, honestly, he's been nothing but nice to me!
38591 7 18 Todd Packer 5801 Meredith That's how he gets you to take off his panties.
38592 7 18 Todd Packer 5801 Jim Why are you nodding?
38593 7 18 Todd Packer 5801 Pam United front...
38594 7 18 Todd Packer 5801 Holly Okay, look. We can't fire someone because we don't like him.
38595 7 18 Todd Packer 5801 Ryan Right this isn't the U.S. Government.
38596 7 18 Todd Packer 5801 Kelly What are you referencing?
38597 7 18 Todd Packer 5801 Ryan Everything... Everything.
38598 7 18 Todd Packer 5801 Holly Do any of you have any concrete complaints about something he's done?
38599 7 18 Todd Packer 5801 Jim Well, I mean he humped Michael.
38600 7 18 Todd Packer 5801 Holly Well if that's the case, I guess I've gotta be fired too.
38601 7 18 Todd Packer 5802 Andy Hey! Hey you guys! The Armeth Regado video is up, gather around! Check it out! This guy's on a full beam reach. They're hiking out like mad! Lock 'em up! Lock 'em up! Nice job! Ughh. This computer's a hunk of jjunk.
38602 7 18 Todd Packer 5802 Erin Hey sailor! Come watch it over here!
38603 7 18 Todd Packer 5802 Andy Where did you get this?!
38604 7 18 Todd Packer 5802 Erin Pam gave it to me!
38605 7 18 Todd Packer 5802 Andy This is a sick computer! Gwen Stefani has this computer! Uhhh, Pamela! What does a guy have to do to get, ahem, one of them?
38606 7 18 Todd Packer 5802 Pam You have a computer Andy.
38607 7 18 Todd Packer 5802 Andy Yeah, but if you donated my computer to Africa, it would become world famous as the slowest computer in Africa. So...
38608 7 18 Todd Packer 5802 Pam Ok, but listen. We just don't have the budget for it. Okay? Reception needed a computer so we got one.
38609 7 18 Todd Packer 5802 Andy Well Andy's desk needs a computer. And, I mean, it's just kinda a coincidence that I work there, but...
38610 7 18 Todd Packer 5802 Pam Yes, but Reception is a one person department. If I get you a new computer I have to get one for everyone in sales. For Dwight, for Stanley, it would be crazy.
38611 7 18 Todd Packer 5802 Stanley So something good happening to Stanley is crazy now?
38612 7 18 Todd Packer 5802 Andy I'm not asking for one, I need it.
38613 7 18 Todd Packer 5802 Phyllis If you're just handing them out, I want one too.
38614 7 18 Todd Packer 5802 Andy Phyllis, no body is handing anything out.
38615 7 18 Todd Packer 5802 Pam See, this is what I'm talking about.
38616 7 18 Todd Packer 5802 Andy What are you gonna play mange on faster?
38617 7 18 Todd Packer 5802 Pam Sorry Andy.
38618 7 18 Todd Packer 5803 Todd Packer Hey what's going on you guys? Yeahh! Three muska-queers!
38619 7 18 Todd Packer 5803 Kevin Mean but good!
38620 7 18 Todd Packer 5803 Holly So, Todd, this must be nice for you getting off the road. You get to spend some time with your daughter.
38621 7 18 Todd Packer 5803 Todd Packer I don't know, I love her and all, but she turned into a bitch. Mostly she's great, but some days she acts like her mom.
38622 7 18 Todd Packer 5803 Holly Well, some girls go through a phase.
38623 7 18 Todd Packer 5803 Kevin Hey, your life is so insane! You should write a book!
38624 7 18 Todd Packer 5803 Todd Packer Since when did you learn how to read?
38625 7 18 Todd Packer 5803 Kevin I do know how to read though!
38626 7 18 Todd Packer 5803 Todd Packer Yeah. You know how to read... a menu!
38627 7 18 Todd Packer 5803 Kevin He's right. I mean, I could lose some weight.
38628 7 18 Todd Packer 5803 Dwight Kevin, in sumo culture, you'd be considered a promising up and comer.
38629 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Pam What the heck! Why do you have Erin's computer!
38630 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Andy It's crazy, right? Erin just wanted me to have it, so we switched.
38631 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Pam What? Erin is that true?
38632 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Erin I just thought, he really needed a new computer, and he knew so much about that one.
38633 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Pam Erin, it's not up to you. This computer was for reception! Okay? It's not yours to give away.
38634 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Andy Pam, when I'm freaking out, I just sorta step back and-
38635 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Pam I'm not freaking out, Andy.
38636 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Andy #NAME?
38637 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Pam Andy, why should she have your crappy computer?
38638 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Andy That's interesting. So you also think my computer is crappy.
38639 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Pam Switch the computers back Andy.
38640 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Andy Seriously?
38641 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Pam Seriously.
38642 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Andy Pam! Come on!
38643 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Pam Now please.
38644 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Andy Fine! Please make sure no one is humping me!
38645 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Erin Oh! If you're going back to the annex, could you take these to Dwight? I think the ants are waking up. They need to start farming soon. Thanks.
38646 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Michael Best day ever. Best day ever!
38647 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Holly So much happening.
38648 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Michael Question, should I get stripes shaved on the side of my head?
38649 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Holly No! No.
38650 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Michael Please.
38651 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Holly Did Todd tell you to do that?
38652 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Michael Yeah, You love him right? You love him. I can tell.
38653 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Holly I love you.
38654 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Michael No. Not me, him.
38655 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Holly That's certainly opinionated.
38656 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Erin If you're not gonna take the ants over I should probably just do it myself.
38657 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Holly Oh I'm going.
38658 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Michael Whoa! Look, are you jealous of him? Because you think he's funnier than you? Oh honey...
38659 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Holly I don't think he's funnier than me.
38660 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Michael He's funnier than me.
38661 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Holly No, he's not funny at all.
38662 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Michael So I'm less funny than not funny at all?
38663 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Erin Gee! Uh oh! I think the ants are starting to eat each other!
38664 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Holly No, what I'm saying is, he's not funny, but you're funnier than he is.
38665 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Michael Uhm...
38666 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Holly Ok: Bill Cosby , Steve Martin, Charlie Bit My Finger, Michael Scott, then all the way down here Todd Packer.
38667 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Michael That's insane!
38668 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Holly Honey, he's a jerk.
38669 7 18 Todd Packer 5804 Erin For Pete's sake it just needs to be done!
38670 7 18 Todd Packer 5805 Todd Packer So you two are married to each other now, right?
38671 7 18 Todd Packer 5805 Jim Yeah.
38672 7 18 Todd Packer 5805 Todd Packer That's sweet. How's the s*x?
38673 7 18 Todd Packer 5805 Dwight Hey Packer, I made you some hot chocolate.
38674 7 18 Todd Packer 5805 Todd Packer Why?
38675 7 18 Todd Packer 5805 Dwight 'Cause I wanna let bygones be bygones. Show you I'm cool. You're the new guy. It's cold out. I made too much. I got this awesome hot chocolate recipe from my wife.
38676 7 18 Todd Packer 5805 Jim That's a lot of reasons!
38677 7 18 Todd Packer 5805 Dwight Drink it!
38678 7 18 Todd Packer 5805 Todd Packer I think I'll pass. The only hot chocolate I'm into is Viva A Fox.
38679 7 18 Todd Packer 5805 Jim Can I talk to you a second?
38680 7 18 Todd Packer 5806 Jim So, this hot chocolate thing.
38681 7 18 Todd Packer 5806 Dwight None of your business.
38682 7 18 Todd Packer 5806 Jim Well, you know you can't actually poison him.
38683 7 18 Todd Packer 5806 Dwight It wasn't poison Jim, it was a laxative. People take laxatives all the time. This is just, a lot more of a laxative. Let me handle this.
38684 7 18 Todd Packer 5806 Jim I really think we should join forces on this one.
38685 7 18 Todd Packer 5806 Dwight Really.
38686 7 18 Todd Packer 5806 Jim What do we think, what would drive him crazy.
38687 7 18 Todd Packer 5806 Dwight I know.
38688 7 18 Todd Packer 5806 Jim Here we go.
38689 7 18 Todd Packer 5806 Dwight Pepto-Bismol, in his hot chocolate.
38690 7 18 Todd Packer 5806 Jim You've gotta stop with the hot chocolate stuff. I was thinking we can jam his drawers, so they only comes out two inches, then he can see everything in them but he can't get to them.
38691 7 18 Todd Packer 5806 Dwight Ooh does Edgar Allan Poe know about that one? So sinister! That wouldn't annoy a person at all! Where do you come up with this stuff?
38692 7 18 Todd Packer 5806 Jim Okay! Well this isn't my best, but call Froggy101, say that we're the tour manager for Justin Bieber, and we're giving away free tickets, we give him a number to call for the tickets, and it's his own number.
38693 7 18 Todd Packer 5806 Dwight Who is Justice Beaver?
38694 7 18 Todd Packer 5806 Jim He... It's a crime fighting beaver.
38695 7 18 Todd Packer 5806 Dwight Why don't you write up your best forty ideas and e-mail them to me. Can you do that?
38696 7 18 Todd Packer 5806 Jim Absolutely, I'll e-mail you a hundred.
38697 7 18 Todd Packer 5806 Dwight Yeah, write up your list of one hundred, edit it down to your top forty, then e-mail it to me, and I'll read it over.
38698 7 18 Todd Packer 5807 Andy Pam. Can I talk to you in private?
38699 7 18 Todd Packer 5807 Pam I don't know if there's really a private place in this office.
38700 7 18 Todd Packer 5807 Andy Well they put a sign-up sheet on the conference room and I signed us up for three mods. A mod is five minutes. And it started two minutes ago.
38701 7 18 Todd Packer 5807 Pam You did that?
38702 7 18 Todd Packer 5807 Andy Can we talk about this in the meeting? Because we're a little late.
38703 7 18 Todd Packer 5807 Pam Okay. When did people sign-
38704 7 18 Todd Packer 5807 Andy Mind if I close the door? What you did out there, earlier, was totally un-cool.
38705 7 18 Todd Packer 5807 Pam Well what was I supposed to do, let you walk all over me?
38706 7 18 Todd Packer 5807 Andy You humiliated me in front of every body!
38707 7 18 Todd Packer 5807 Pam Okay, well I didn't think about it like that. It's just, I can't do anything about it. I can't replace that one unless that computer breaks.
38708 7 18 Todd Packer 5807 Andy I mean, it's pretty broken already.
38709 7 18 Todd Packer 5807 Pam Yeah, well if it breaks all the way I can get you a new one.
38710 7 18 Todd Packer 5807 Andy Pretty sneaky sis.
38711 7 18 Todd Packer 5807 Ryan Hey cats, we got a jazz session in mod six, nine, and twelve.
38712 7 18 Todd Packer 5808 Dwight There are over four hundred of these!
38713 7 18 Todd Packer 5808 Jim Yeah I couldn't cut it down.
38714 7 18 Todd Packer 5808 Dwight They're all good. So good! Number three: eat a frog. That sounds promising. Number four: eat a dog. I don't know, um, from practical stand point-
38715 7 18 Todd Packer 5808 Jim One thirty-five. Did you like one thirty-five?
38716 7 18 Todd Packer 5808 Dwight Eat a brog. Maybe it's because I didn't understand it. I just had a couple of notes, let me grab a pen. Damn it. Gah! Just when we were getting going.
38717 7 18 Todd Packer 5809 Andy Allow all cookies? Why certainly! Pop-ups? Yes please! Bit torrent streaming from a Somalian music website? Yeah! Why not? Oh I hope you don't get sick Mr. Computer. Why are you doing this to me Andy? Because I hate your programs!
38718 7 18 Todd Packer 5810 Todd Packer And a '76 that's good to boot, I like that.
38719 7 18 Todd Packer 5810 Michael And you made Hank smile, that doesn't happen often. You're very charming. That is something you should take upstairs, and use on people that really matter.
38720 7 18 Todd Packer 5810 Todd Packer Why?
38721 7 18 Todd Packer 5810 Michael I don't know, Holly mentioned that there were some complaints. And that you had said some things about Kevin.
38722 7 18 Todd Packer 5810 Todd Packer Holly said that?
38723 7 18 Todd Packer 5810 Michael Yeah.
38724 7 18 Todd Packer 5810 Holly She was laughing hysterically that whole time!
38725 7 18 Todd Packer 5810 Michael I guess you said something weird about your daughter?
38726 7 18 Todd Packer 5810 Todd Packer She asked me, Michael! It would've been rude not to answer.
38727 7 18 Todd Packer 5810 Michael You've been on the road a long time. And you've been an outdoor cat. And now you have to be an indoor cat, so you can't be peeing all over the walls.
38728 7 18 Todd Packer 5810 Todd Packer Michael, can I open the kamomo with you. I've been on the road too long. But, I wanna connect with my daughter. And it's not right to call her a bitch in front of strangers.
38729 7 18 Todd Packer 5810 Michael No it isn't.
38730 7 18 Todd Packer 5810 Todd Packer You're right. I gotta watch my behavior.
38731 7 18 Todd Packer 5810 Michael Yeah, a little bit.
38732 7 18 Todd Packer 5810 Todd Packer Don't give up on me.
38733 7 18 Todd Packer 5810 Michael I won't.
38734 7 18 Todd Packer 5811 Michael Okay, every body. I need you to see this. Because maybe there is somebody here that you all underestimated, who will surprise you. Todd Packer, is going to apologize. Kevin! Front and center, come here.
38735 7 18 Todd Packer 5811 Kevin I got a lot of numbers here to put together.
38736 7 18 Todd Packer 5811 Michael Kevin, we know that you are just trying to save face, we know that you are hurt and embarrassed.
38737 7 18 Todd Packer 5811 Kevin That's silly. If anything, I should be apologizing to Packer. Because we all know I can dish it, as good as I can take it.
38738 7 18 Todd Packer 5811 Michael Okay, sweetie, no. You shouldn't be apologizing to Packer. That doesn't make any sense. You ready for this? You ready for this? Gentlemen, start your engines.
38739 7 18 Todd Packer 5811 Todd Packer I'm sorry if you were offended by my comments earlier.
38740 7 18 Todd Packer 5811 Kevin Well, like I said, I wasn't offended, but I'll stand here for the big show.
38741 7 18 Todd Packer 5811 Michael Kevin, do you accept the apology?
38742 7 18 Todd Packer 5811 Kelly Don't do it Kevin, that's the fake kind of apology.
38743 7 18 Todd Packer 5811 Michael Okay, go back to the annex.
38744 7 18 Todd Packer 5811 Kelly This is textbook. It's so uncool. Ryan does this to me all the time. Like it's some offense to have feelings. Don't do it Kevin.
38745 7 18 Todd Packer 5811 Ryan Sometimes you over react.
38746 7 18 Todd Packer 5811 Oscar Michael how's this supposed to work? Packer's gonna keep saying terrible things, and then he's just gonna make half-assed apologies. And we're back to square one.
38747 7 18 Todd Packer 5811 Todd Packer Okay. You want an apology? Here it goes. Kevin, I am so sorry. You are skinny, and you are a genius.
38748 7 18 Todd Packer 5811 Michael That-That was maybe too much. Packer is a survivor of divorce Stanley. Packer doesn't speak with his child, Meredith. Packer never lived up to his parent's expectations, Andy. Angela loves pussy cats, and Packer loves-
38749 7 18 Todd Packer 5811 Angela No! Don't!
38750 7 18 Todd Packer 5811 Michael I was going to say dogs! Okay, you know what, this is over! Apology has been issued! And we're through with it. Packer will be here until the day he dies, just like the rest of us!
38751 7 18 Todd Packer 5812 Pam So listen, we have to really scuff this up.
38752 7 18 Todd Packer 5812 Andy No no no no no! We can say that the previous owner was a neat-freak. Or an elegant old lady and she just kept it around in case her grand-kids came to visit, but they died and they never came, I think I'm gonna make myself cry.
38753 7 18 Todd Packer 5812 Pam Andy, this is the deal we made.
38754 7 18 Todd Packer 5812 Andy That's probably good. That's enough.
38755 7 18 Todd Packer 5812 Pam We should break this hinge maybe.
38756 7 18 Todd Packer 5812 Andy Let's not go crazy.
38757 7 18 Todd Packer 5813 Todd Packer Well thanks, will do.
38758 7 18 Todd Packer 5813 Jim Absolutely, now when you get down there, Jo's a little bit, uh, forgetful. So she may have locked the gate, but what you're gonna do is go ahead, hop it, and just head back to the pool.
38759 7 18 Todd Packer 5813 Todd Packer That sounds weird.
38760 7 18 Todd Packer 5813 Jim It is weird! Look at you, perceptive. Now I know why Jo's kept her eye on you!
38761 7 18 Todd Packer 5813 Dwight And you make sure to get down there and check out that Harry Potter World.
38762 7 18 Todd Packer 5813 Jim Whatever you wanna do in your spare time is up to you!
38763 7 18 Todd Packer 5813 Dwight Harry Potter World is supposed to be faaantastic!
38764 7 18 Todd Packer 5814 Todd Packer Apparently, as soon as corporate found out I wanted to come in off the road, Jo offered me a cushy new job in Tallahassee. And here's the best part. I'm a huge alligator nerd. I can name you every genus, every sub species. Also I'm a huge boob nerd.
38765 7 18 Todd Packer 5815 Dwight Check it out and have a free butterbeer on us. Keep the receipt and we'll get ya' back!
38766 7 18 Todd Packer 5815 Michael What are you doing?
38767 7 18 Todd Packer 5815 Jim All right, so just pack your bags and, uh, be sure to bring those swimming trunks! Bye now!
38768 7 18 Todd Packer 5815 Michael I cannot believe this, you're sending Packer to Florida? Why?
38769 7 18 Todd Packer 5815 Jim He's a jerk.
38770 7 18 Todd Packer 5815 Dwight He took my desk.
38771 7 18 Todd Packer 5815 Michael Okay, so you're tricking him into flying to Florida?
38772 7 18 Todd Packer 5815 Dwight It wasn't my first choice, Jim had so many better ideas.
38773 7 18 Todd Packer 5815 Michael You have to tell him. You have to tell him what you did.
38774 7 18 Todd Packer 5815 Dwight No, no, no. That is not part of the plan. That is actually anti-what we're doing.
38775 7 18 Todd Packer 5815 Michael He is my oldest friend, I am going to tell him.
38776 7 18 Todd Packer 5815 Jim Wait! Why don't we come up with a plan we're all happy about?
38777 7 18 Todd Packer 5816 Andy Pam, how is this thing even any better than my old computer?
38778 7 18 Todd Packer 5816 Pam Come on Andy! I mean you said you wanted a new computer and this is the best I could do!
38779 7 18 Todd Packer 5816 Andy Where'd you even find this thing, like, in the corner in the warehouse?
38780 7 18 Todd Packer 5816 Pam Yes, I found it in a shelf in the corner of the warehouse.
38781 7 18 Todd Packer 5816 Andy All right, well thank you for my garbage computer.
38782 7 18 Todd Packer 5817 Todd Packer You're looking at the new face of corporate. Gonna put the "ass", in Tallahassee!
38783 7 18 Todd Packer 5817 Michael Yes, about that.
38784 7 18 Todd Packer 5817 Todd Packer Well we gotta go out and celebrate, tonight!
38785 7 18 Todd Packer 5817 Michael Well... I don't know if that's a good idea.
38786 7 18 Todd Packer 5817 Todd Packer Do you have a ball and chain?
38787 7 18 Todd Packer 5817 Michael No, nothing like that at all.
38788 7 18 Todd Packer 5817 Todd Packer Listen, I'm gonna tell you something that none of these people have the stones to tell you. It's your girlfriend, man. She's uptight.
38789 7 18 Todd Packer 5817 Michael Sorry?
38790 7 18 Todd Packer 5817 Todd Packer I know this stuff can hurt, but I wish someone had said something to me about my ex-wife. All I'm saying is about a month or so, meet me down in Florida, I'll introduce you to all the local talent.
38791 7 18 Todd Packer 5817 Michael Sounds great.
38792 7 18 Todd Packer 5817 Todd Packer It's gonna be so good.
38793 7 18 Todd Packer 5817 Michael That is. It's gonna be awesome. I think you're really going to enjoy it down there.
38794 7 18 Todd Packer 5818 Holly I'm sorry about your friend.
38795 7 18 Todd Packer 5818 Michael Nah, he's an ass.
38796 7 18 Todd Packer 5818 Holly You ahh.
38797 7 18 Todd Packer 5818 Michael You ahh.
38798 7 18 Todd Packer 5818 Holly What ah you wicked smaht?
38799 7 18 Todd Packer 5818 Michael No you ahh.
38800 7 18 Todd Packer 5818 Holly Who ahh?
38801 7 18 Todd Packer 5818 Michael You ahh.
38802 7 18 Todd Packer 5819 Daryl So this new computer you found in the warehouse.
38803 7 18 Todd Packer 5819 Pam Yep. Lucked out.
38804 7 18 Todd Packer 5819 Daryl Yeah, you really did. 'Cause I know every INCH of that warehouse.
38805 7 18 Todd Packer 5819 Pam Yep, super lucky.
38806 7 18 Todd Packer 5819 Daryl Maybe you could go back down there and see if you can find me some extra sick days.
38807 7 18 Todd Packer 5819 Pam Yeah. You know what , I think I saw ONE sick day down there.
38808 7 18 Todd Packer 5819 Daryl Really? 'Cause I think maybe I saw five.
38809 7 18 Todd Packer 5819 Pam Three.
38810 7 18 Todd Packer 5820 Pam I'm full on corrupt!
38811 7 19 Garage Sale 5821 Pam Hey Oscar, big Will and Grace fan huh?
38812 7 19 Garage Sale 5821 Oscar No. Everybody assumes I am. I always get them as gifts.
38813 7 19 Garage Sale 5821 Pam Oh.
38814 7 19 Garage Sale 5822 Pam Dunder Mifflin is having our first own garage sale. Like many Americans, we realized we had a lot of things that we really didn't need. And 10 cents of every dollar is going into the party fund so we can throw parties for ourselves.
38815 7 19 Garage Sale 5823 Dwight People! Look alive. It's showtime. Doors open in 3...2...1.
38816 7 19 Garage Sale 5823 Jim Oh, yikes.
38817 7 19 Garage Sale 5823 Pam It's cold Dwight. Just shut the door and let people come in the front.
38818 7 19 Garage Sale 5823 Dwight It's good that its cold it will drive business inside.
38819 7 19 Garage Sale 5823 Pam The signs will drive people inside.
38820 7 19 Garage Sale 5823 Dwight The warmth will lure people inside.
38821 7 19 Garage Sale 5823 Andy Close it.
38822 7 19 Garage Sale 5823 Dwight This is how business...
38823 7 19 Garage Sale 5823 Andy Close it.
38824 7 19 Garage Sale 5823 Dwight I'm not closing the door.
38825 7 19 Garage Sale 5823 Andy Close it.
38826 7 19 Garage Sale 5823 Dwight Stop it.
38827 7 19 Garage Sale 5823 Andy Just close it.
38828 7 19 Garage Sale 5824 Dwight Uh oh, looks like someone's sign is a little crooked. Uh, looks awful. Need a thumb tack?
38829 7 19 Garage Sale 5824 Meredith Sure.
38830 7 19 Garage Sale 5824 Dwight Not so fast.
38831 7 19 Garage Sale 5825 Dwight Schrute's are farmers by hobby, and traders by trade. Through the art of the swap, I will walk out of this garage sale with the finest item here.
38832 7 19 Garage Sale 5826 Dwight I will trade you for the used candle.
38833 7 19 Garage Sale 5826 Meredith Forget you.
38834 7 19 Garage Sale 5826 Dwight Come on, its trash, like your sign, unless you have this.
38835 7 19 Garage Sale 5826 Meredith Fine, just give it.
38836 7 19 Garage Sale 5826 Dwight That's how it's done.
38837 7 19 Garage Sale 5827 Kevin Woah, I love her. How much for that?
38838 7 19 Garage Sale 5827 Michael I uh... I actually don't know why I brought that because It's kind of priceless.
38839 7 19 Garage Sale 5827 Holly 10 dollars.
38840 7 19 Garage Sale 5827 Michael Mhmm, no I paid 500 dollars for that.
38841 7 19 Garage Sale 5827 Kevin 200
38842 7 19 Garage Sale 5827 Michael 500
38843 7 19 Garage Sale 5827 Holly 20
38844 7 19 Garage Sale 5827 Kevin 45
38845 7 19 Garage Sale 5827 Michael Get lost.
38846 7 19 Garage Sale 5827 Kevin Damn it.
38847 7 19 Garage Sale 5827 Michael That is how you do it.
38848 7 19 Garage Sale 5827 Holly You know we don't have to sell that if you don't want to. If it's a problem with the neon I can have my neon guy take a look.
38849 7 19 Garage Sale 5827 Michael You know it's really more for a bachelor pad. I just want to get a fair price.
38850 7 19 Garage Sale 5827 Holly Well we could put it in storage... in case.
38851 7 19 Garage Sale 5827 Michael In case... in case of what?
38852 7 19 Garage Sale 5827 Holly You know... in case if something changes.
38853 7 19 Garage Sale 5827 Michael I don't have an in case. Do you have an in case?
38854 7 19 Garage Sale 5827 Holly Nope.
38855 7 19 Garage Sale 5827 Lady How much for the slip and slide?
38856 7 19 Garage Sale 5827 Michael Get lost.
38857 7 19 Garage Sale 5828 Michael Yes, hello Mr. Flax this is Michael Scott, your daughter's boss. I am calling because I am going to have to fire your daughter Holly because she is such a terrible employee. I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. I'm actually calling because I'm in love with her. I love your daughter, and I have for some time. And I would like to discuss my intentions with you... which are to ask her to marry me. And I was just hoping you would give me your approval. And this isn't a joke. So call me back, when you get this. And I look forward to speaking. Thank you.
38858 7 19 Garage Sale 5829 Kelly Are you serious? A half used candle? Get out of here Dwight. You're blocking my table with your giant body.
38859 7 19 Garage Sale 5829 Dwight Oh, cause there's a huge line of people waiting in line who want your spinster chotskies.
38860 7 19 Garage Sale 5829 Kelly Screw you man. People like my stuff.
38861 7 19 Garage Sale 5829 Dwight People like Ryan? Let me tell you about men like him. He comes over and you're like 'Hey baby let me light a candle' then you pull out this one half used and he's like 'Uh! Who else is she seeing? I better lock her down fast.'
38862 7 19 Garage Sale 5829 Kelly You can take my Helen Fielding collection.
38863 7 19 Garage Sale 5829 Dwight And the Jennifer Weiner collection.
38864 7 19 Garage Sale 5830 Andy Oh my gosh, you have the Dallas board game?
38865 7 19 Garage Sale 5830 Kevin Yea when I was a kid I was on Dallas.
38866 7 19 Garage Sale 5830 Andy Really?
38867 7 19 Garage Sale 5830 Kevin Yea. When I was kid we missed our connecting flight and we spent the entire day on Dallas. Then we spent a week on Hawaii... I was in heaven.
38868 7 19 Garage Sale 5830 Darryl We should play it.
38869 7 19 Garage Sale 5830 Andy Well... there's no instructions.
38870 7 19 Garage Sale 5830 Darryl It's Dallas the game, we can figure it out.
38871 7 19 Garage Sale 5830 Kevin Yea.
38872 7 19 Garage Sale 5830 Andy I'm pretty good at board games.
38873 7 19 Garage Sale 5830 Darryl Well, shall we make it a little interesting?
38874 7 19 Garage Sale 5830 Andy Sure.
38875 7 19 Garage Sale 5831 Dwight What is this?
38876 7 19 Garage Sale 5831 Jim How did those get out? I'm sorry.
38877 7 19 Garage Sale 5831 Dwight Professor Copperfield's Miracle Legumes?
38878 7 19 Garage Sale 5831 Jim I was in Jamaica, and I got lost, and it was getting dark this one night and then out of nowhere with a cart and he's selling these. Dwight he's telling me things about myself that there's no way he could have known.
38879 7 19 Garage Sale 5831 Dwight That's a common swindlers trick.
38880 7 19 Garage Sale 5831 Jim Probably, probably. So I buy some, I turn the corner, I feel like an idiot, so I go back to get my money, he was gone.
38881 7 19 Garage Sale 5831 Dwight So you wanna sell me magic beans.
38882 7 19 Garage Sale 5831 Jim Correction. I do not want to sell you Professor Copperfield's Miracle Legumes.
38883 7 19 Garage Sale 5831 Dwight Nice try. No. Correction. Terrible try.
38884 7 19 Garage Sale 5832 Holly Michael called Dad?
38885 7 19 Garage Sale 5832 Holly's Mom Your friend Michael, yes. What's going on?
38886 7 19 Garage Sale 5832 Holly Um, I think I know. But I'll sound stupid if I'm wrong but is Dad there?
38887 7 19 Garage Sale 5832 Holly's Dad Holly?
38888 7 19 Garage Sale 5832 Holly Hi Dad.
38889 7 19 Garage Sale 5832 Holly's Dad There was a program on TV about India.
38890 7 19 Garage Sale 5832 Holly Um, ok. Did you connect with Michael?
38891 7 19 Garage Sale 5832 Holly's Dad Wanna watch it?
38892 7 19 Garage Sale 5832 Holly I... I'm not there Dad, I'm in Pennsylvania.
38893 7 19 Garage Sale 5832 Holly's Dad What are you doing there?
38894 7 19 Garage Sale 5832 Holly I live here. Um, can I talk to you about Michael?
38895 7 19 Garage Sale 5832 Holly's Dad I'll, I'll put your mother on.
38896 7 19 Garage Sale 5832 Holly No. No... no Dad.
38897 7 19 Garage Sale 5832 Holly's Mom Holly?
38898 7 19 Garage Sale 5832 Holly Mom, Dad can't seem to focus on a subject.
38899 7 19 Garage Sale 5832 Holly's Mom Don't you worry about him, he's got me.
38900 7 19 Garage Sale 5832 Holly Well who do you have?
38901 7 19 Garage Sale 5832 Holly's Mom I have your father. He's right here I'll put him on.
38902 7 19 Garage Sale 5832 Holly No. Mom?
38903 7 19 Garage Sale 5833 Pam Oh, which one is decaf?
38904 7 19 Garage Sale 5833 Pam Michael! Michael!
38905 7 19 Garage Sale 5833 Michael Hi.
38906 7 19 Garage Sale 5833 Pam Hi.. I was just coming out to see what you were doing and to maybe stop you.
38907 7 19 Garage Sale 5833 Michael Oh, you know what, you have a siphon? I think I'm gonna run out of gas.
38908 7 19 Garage Sale 5833 Pam Why do you need more gas?
38909 7 19 Garage Sale 5833 Michael Well, I'm writing a message.
38910 7 19 Garage Sale 5833 Pam Is it a good message or a bad message?
38911 7 19 Garage Sale 5833 Michael I'm asking Holly a question in fire.
38912 7 19 Garage Sale 5833 Pam Are you proposing!?
38913 7 19 Garage Sale 5833 Michael Maybe.
38914 7 19 Garage Sale 5833 Pam Wow.
38915 7 19 Garage Sale 5833 Michael Hey you know what? I've got gas all over my hands and my shoes. Would you light it? Would you do the honors please?
38916 7 19 Garage Sale 5833 Pam Yea. Yea no problem.
38917 7 19 Garage Sale 5833 Michael Pam.
38918 7 19 Garage Sale 5833 Pam Yep.
38919 7 19 Garage Sale 5833 Michael Could you light this please?
38920 7 19 Garage Sale 5833 Pam Michael, you've had two ideas today. And one of them was great. And the other one was terrible.
38921 7 19 Garage Sale 5833 Michael I am not in the mood for riddles pam.
38922 7 19 Garage Sale 5833 Pam This is terrible.
38923 7 19 Garage Sale 5833 Michael No, this is romantic.
38924 7 19 Garage Sale 5833 Pam You know what? I'm gonna get a hose. Then we'll talk about it. Ok we'll figure it out. Be right back. Just stay there.
38925 7 19 Garage Sale 5834 Ryan Free sample?
38926 7 19 Garage Sale 5835 Ryan My mom makes the best pesto in the world. And I always tell her 'Mom you should sell this, you'd make a fortune' and she always says 'No it's just for family.' Well finally I was like f*** it, I'll sell it so I'm like 'Mom, I need you to make a ton of pesto for a pesto party for all my friends' and she's like 'uh, ok' ... pesto party? Really? Anyway... she makes like a hundred bottles worth. It's so good. And Phyllis... just had that mom look I wanted.
38927 7 19 Garage Sale 5836 Dwight You got this kosher certified?
38928 7 19 Garage Sale 5836 Ryan No I meant like uh, it's cool, its kosher, it's all good.
38929 7 19 Garage Sale 5836 Dwight Ryan, you have such an interesting mind. So creative. All these new business ideas and artistic projects.
38930 7 19 Garage Sale 5836 Ryan Thank you. Whatcha got there?
38931 7 19 Garage Sale 5836 Dwight Oh, its just Stanley's old photo album. I'm thinking about throwing it in the garbage. I mean, why would I want some random black mans old photo album on my bookshelf. I'm not James Franco.
38932 7 19 Garage Sale 5837 Dwight things are going very well. I traded a thumb tack for Meredith's junk for Kelly's crap for Phyllis' garbage for Oscars trash for Stanley's garbage for Ryan's junk for Creed's garbage for a very cute squid that Erin happened to have.
38933 7 19 Garage Sale 5838 Dwight Jim, put those away.
38934 7 19 Garage Sale 5838 Jim I'm really sorry. Pam must have put those out.
38935 7 19 Garage Sale 5838 Dwight just out of curiosity, what were the claims for those beans?
38936 7 19 Garage Sale 5838 Jim They're legumes Dwight, and you're just gonna make fun of me, so why would I... You know what, this ends now.
38937 7 19 Garage Sale 5839 Pam Hey Michael everyone's in the conference room.
38938 7 19 Garage Sale 5839 Michael Why?
38939 7 19 Garage Sale 5839 Pam You called the meeting I don't..
38940 7 19 Garage Sale 5839 Michael I did?
38941 7 19 Garage Sale 5840 Michael Ok. Thank you all for coming. I would like to talk to you all today about... recycling.
38942 7 19 Garage Sale 5840 Pam Michael.
38943 7 19 Garage Sale 5840 Michael Yes.
38944 7 19 Garage Sale 5840 Pam We are a family.
38945 7 19 Garage Sale 5840 Michael I could not have agreed with you more.
38946 7 19 Garage Sale 5840 Pam And I've always believed that we should all be involved in everyone's personal lives, in a very major way.
38947 7 19 Garage Sale 5840 Michael Yes. Thank you.
38948 7 19 Garage Sale 5840 Pam So about this proposal thing...
38949 7 19 Garage Sale 5840 Michael No, no, no, no. My minds made up I am not going to change my mind you can't talk me out of it.
38950 7 19 Garage Sale 5840 Pam Michael, she's perfect for you.
38951 7 19 Garage Sale 5840 Oscar She's the one.
38952 7 19 Garage Sale 5840 Jim She's amazing. This is very exciting.
38953 7 19 Garage Sale 5840 Pam So we just... we wanna help you plan the proposal so that it's safe and responsible and realistic and doable.
38954 7 19 Garage Sale 5840 Michael I had a great idea until you ruined it.
38955 7 19 Garage Sale 5840 Oscar Wanna know how to do it? Here's how you do it. Take her out to dinner. Go down on one knee. If you are in costume, you did something wrong. If at any point you find yourself tying a ring to a dogs collar, stop, and look at yourself.
38956 7 19 Garage Sale 5841 Andy Hmm, I'm gonna play me a little ol' black mail card .
38957 7 19 Garage Sale 5841 Kevin Nice.
38958 7 19 Garage Sale 5841 Andy And call a proxy meeting to take control of you and oil once and for all.
38959 7 19 Garage Sale 5841 Kevin No you cant do that. You cant play a black mail card and call a proxy meeting in the same turn.
38960 7 19 Garage Sale 5841 Andy Why not. Seems to me we're just making up rules cause somebody forgot to staple the rules to the inside of the game like a normal human being.
38961 7 19 Garage Sale 5841 Darryl And I'm gonna play this here share the wealth card.
38962 7 19 Garage Sale 5841 Andy Oooh.
38963 7 19 Garage Sale 5841 Darryl Which entitles me to half of both of y'alls money so if you don't mind.
38964 7 19 Garage Sale 5841 Kevin no this card is from the wrong game this is from the game of life.
38965 7 19 Garage Sale 5841 Darryl It was in the box.
38966 7 19 Garage Sale 5841 Andy Well played.
38967 7 19 Garage Sale 5841 Darryl Thank you.
38968 7 19 Garage Sale 5841 Andy We must honorably adhere to the rules we are making up on the spot.
38969 7 19 Garage Sale 5841 Kevin No but that's not fair.
38970 7 19 Garage Sale 5841 Andy Well that's Dallas.
38971 7 19 Garage Sale 5841 Darryl Dallas indeed.
38972 7 19 Garage Sale 5842 Oscar What... Ryan, where did you get this picture?
38973 7 19 Garage Sale 5843 Ryan My mom also makes the best salsa.
38974 7 19 Garage Sale 5844 Holly This is your moms old stuff?
38975 7 19 Garage Sale 5844 Phyllis Yeah mostly.
38976 7 19 Garage Sale 5844 Holly How's she doing?
38977 7 19 Garage Sale 5844 Phyllis It didn't go down so easy but she's made some friends and it's already better than it was.
38978 7 19 Garage Sale 5844 Holly How do you know when its time?
38979 7 19 Garage Sale 5844 Phyllis Uh I don't know if you ever know. And if you wait for the day when your parent to comes to you and says 'I cant take care of myself anymore' its never gonna happen. I have a box of bras under the table if you're interested.
38980 7 19 Garage Sale 5844 Holly Let me see.
38981 7 19 Garage Sale 5845 Pam Ok I think animals and proposals are out. Right Ryan didn't you read in one of your blogs that animals are out?
38982 7 19 Garage Sale 5845 Ryan Blogs are out but people are texting each other no more animals
38983 7 19 Garage Sale 5845 Michael How about this I throw a corpse dressed like me off of the roof, it hits the ground, the head pops off, this leads me to the line ' I lost my head when I fell in love with you.'
38984 7 19 Garage Sale 5845 Jim That's a guarantee.
38985 7 19 Garage Sale 5845 Michael It's easy enough to get a corpse, you just go to a med school. I already have the ring.
38986 7 19 Garage Sale 5845 Jim Don't think you need the corpse then.
38987 7 19 Garage Sale 5845 Michael Heres the ring.
38988 7 19 Garage Sale 5845 Pam Holy s*** is that real?
38989 7 19 Garage Sale 5845 Michael Yeah. I saved 3 years salary.
38990 7 19 Garage Sale 5845 Oscar No.
38991 7 19 Garage Sale 5845 Michael Is she not going to like that?
38992 7 19 Garage Sale 5845 Pam No she's going to love it so I think you can keep the proposal simple. You know like when Jim proposed. He just he got down on one knee and he told me that he loved me and he asked me to marry him and it was perfect.
38993 7 19 Garage Sale 5845 Oscar Where was that.
38994 7 19 Garage Sale 5845 Jim At a gas station.
38995 7 19 Garage Sale 5845 Michael At a gas station?
38996 7 19 Garage Sale 5845 Jim Oh it was when she was working in New York so it was halfway between both of us.
38997 7 19 Garage Sale 5845 Michael That mush have been a surprise when... at the gas station you proposed.
38998 7 19 Garage Sale 5845 Pam No it was really it was really sweet. It was raining and..
38999 7 19 Garage Sale 5845 Michael Oh yea you didn't say that the weather was bad that sounds perfect. I want this to be an event that everyone talks about always and forever.
39000 7 19 Garage Sale 5845 Jim Totally reasonable.
39001 7 19 Garage Sale 5845 Michael I just... it's terrifying.
39002 7 19 Garage Sale 5845 Pam She's not gonna say no.
39003 7 19 Garage Sale 5845 Michael I know but I'm still scared I don't know why.
39004 7 19 Garage Sale 5845 Jim Cause it's a big deal. I mean.. I knew Pam was gonna say yes but I was still scared.
39005 7 19 Garage Sale 5845 Pam You were scared?
39006 7 19 Garage Sale 5845 Jim Yeah... it.s scary.
39007 7 19 Garage Sale 5846 Michael Get this... Kevin thought I was gonna sell my Bowflex for 200 dollars and I told him 'Dude this was a prop in my movie.'
39008 7 19 Garage Sale 5846 Holly Look I need to talk to you.
39009 7 19 Garage Sale 5846 Michael Ok it's because we haven't sold anything. You know what? We just wait until the end of the day, people get desperate, and they're gonna pay anything.
39010 7 19 Garage Sale 5846 Holly I think I need to go home to Colorado. My dad isn't doing so well.
39011 7 19 Garage Sale 5846 Michael Oh ok. For how long?
39012 7 19 Garage Sale 5846 Holly I don't know.
39013 7 19 Garage Sale 5846 Michael Is he alright?
39014 7 19 Garage Sale 5846 Holly Yeah.
39015 7 19 Garage Sale 5846 Michael You ok?
39016 7 19 Garage Sale 5846 Holly Yeah, yeah it's just you know I don't want to go home when he's on his death bed you know, I wanna be there when he's still my dad.
39017 7 19 Garage Sale 5846 Michael Yeah, yeah well you definitely need to do that.
39018 7 19 Garage Sale 5846 Holly And I want you to come with me. Now I know that's a lot to ask of a boyfriend..
39019 7 19 Garage Sale 5846 Michael Ok.
39020 7 19 Garage Sale 5846 Holly And I was thinking... you know maybe since given our last conversation that we're both ready... Michael Scott will you..
39021 7 19 Garage Sale 5846 Michael No, no, shhhhut it. Mhmm. Oh God. Nope, nope, nope.
39022 7 19 Garage Sale 5847 Holly Uh, what?
39023 7 19 Garage Sale 5848 Michael No. I am not going to be proposed to in the break room. That is not going to be our story. Mhm hm. Should have burned this place down when I had the chance.
39024 7 19 Garage Sale 5849 Kevin Hey guys it's my turn.
39025 7 19 Garage Sale 5849 Andy You cant go, you're dead, I shot you 5 moves ago.
39026 7 19 Garage Sale 5849 Kevin Yeah I told you, you can't shoot people.
39027 7 19 Garage Sale 5849 Darryl I told you we're way past rules. We have been for some time now. We start having rules now, everything we built collapses.
39028 7 19 Garage Sale 5849 Kevin This is stupid and I want my money back. Where's the money?
39029 7 19 Garage Sale 5849 Darryl Yeah where is it?
39030 7 19 Garage Sale 5849 Kevin Ok you know what? I am never ever playing board games with you two again.
39031 7 19 Garage Sale 5850 Kevin And that is Dallas.
39032 7 19 Garage Sale 5851 Ryan Nice.
39033 7 19 Garage Sale 5851 Jim Not bad right.
39034 7 19 Garage Sale 5851 Ryan Can't really tell the...
39035 7 19 Garage Sale 5851 Jim Nice.
39036 7 19 Garage Sale 5851 Dwight I know right... what the?
39037 7 19 Garage Sale 5851 Jim Oh my God.
39038 7 19 Garage Sale 5851 Dwight That... that's impossible.
39039 7 19 Garage Sale 5851 Jim It is right. I mean, it's impossible.
39040 7 19 Garage Sale 5851 Dwight All right, I'll take them.
39041 7 19 Garage Sale 5851 Jim They're probably worthless.
39042 7 19 Garage Sale 5851 Dwight Probably.
39043 7 19 Garage Sale 5851 Jim Leave the telescope.
39044 7 19 Garage Sale 5852 Dwight I started with a thumb tack and traded my way to a telescope. But in a way the most valuable thing here wasn't the telescope at all. No, it was this... packet of beans. So I traded the telescope for it. And I can just go buy another telescope.
39045 7 19 Garage Sale 5853 Michael Hey, how'd we do?
39046 7 19 Garage Sale 5853 Holly 13 dollars.
39047 7 19 Garage Sale 5853 Michael That's great and we still have most of our stuff. Good.
39048 7 19 Garage Sale 5853 Holly Listen about earlier ...
39049 7 19 Garage Sale 5853 Michael No, no, no, no, lets not talk about that.
39050 7 19 Garage Sale 5853 Holly It was wrong to put you in that position and... Michael you are my life now. I'm not going to Colorado.
39051 7 19 Garage Sale 5853 Michael Shhhh. Let's go on a little walk. You know what? I wanna show you some stuff.
39052 7 19 Garage Sale 5854 Michael So this is one of my favorite places in the world.
39053 7 19 Garage Sale 5854 Holly Why?
39054 7 19 Garage Sale 5854 Michael This is where Toby announced that he was going to Costa Rica. Happiest day of my life. Until the day you came to replace him. Let's go in here.
39055 7 19 Garage Sale 5855 Michael This is where we first kissed.
39056 7 19 Garage Sale 5855 Holly I remember.
39057 7 19 Garage Sale 5855 Michael And this is where we first made love. Remember what I tried there?
39058 7 19 Garage Sale 5855 Holly Michael..
39059 7 19 Garage Sale 5856 Michael Through these blinds is where I first saw you, and you had all these boxes, and I thought you were the prettiest mover I had ever seen. And I was sitting at this desk when I called you to tell you that I had herpes and that I was still in love with you and you said that it was over, and that you didn't love me. Thank goodness none of that was true. Including the herpes.
39060 7 19 Garage Sale 5856 Holly Yes.
39061 7 19 Garage Sale 5856 Michael In-grown hair.
39062 7 19 Garage Sale 5857 Michael Right in here... this is where we first co-ran our meeting. Remember, obesity awareness?
39063 7 19 Garage Sale 5857 Holly Mh hmm.
39064 7 19 Garage Sale 5857 Michael We saved a lot of lives that day. That's where you first met Michael Klump.
39065 7 19 Garage Sale 5857 Holly Oh, I say, I say, I say I sit on you!
39066 7 19 Garage Sale 5857 Michael And right over there is where you found out that Meredith was prostituting herself for Outback steak. And I will never forget that you had the cutest look on your face because you couldn't believe it, you thought it was so wrong.
39067 7 19 Garage Sale 5858 Michael And over here..
39068 7 19 Garage Sale 5858 Holly What happened here?
39069 7 19 Garage Sale 5858 Michael Well, nothing. Nothing really. I would just find an excuse to come here so I could stare at you through that window. This is what I'd do.
39070 7 19 Garage Sale 5858 Holly Nice
39071 7 19 Garage Sale 5858 Michael Let's go in here.
39072 7 19 Garage Sale 5859 Holly Hi guys.
39073 7 19 Garage Sale 5859 Michael This is where our love faces its toughest test. After this, its just smooth sailing for the rest of our lives.
39074 7 19 Garage Sale 5859 Jim Holly, will you marry me?
39075 7 19 Garage Sale 5859 Holly No.
39076 7 19 Garage Sale 5859 Stanley Marry me Holly.
39077 7 19 Garage Sale 5859 Holly No.
39078 7 19 Garage Sale 5859 Michael That guy's got more than he can handle as it is.
39079 7 19 Garage Sale 5859 Oscar Will you marry me?
39080 7 19 Garage Sale 5859 Holly No.
39081 7 19 Garage Sale 5859 Michael That marriage would be a sham.
39082 7 19 Garage Sale 5859 Gabe Will you marry me?
39083 7 19 Garage Sale 5859 Holly No.
39084 7 19 Garage Sale 5859 Michael Easy no.
39085 7 19 Garage Sale 5859 Angela Will you marry me?
39086 7 19 Garage Sale 5859 Holly No.
39087 7 19 Garage Sale 5859 Michael That would be hot. I would pay to see that.
39088 7 19 Garage Sale 5859 Ryan Will you marry me Holly?
39089 7 19 Garage Sale 5859 Holly No.
39090 7 19 Garage Sale 5859 Michael Only one that I was kind of worried about.
39091 7 19 Garage Sale 5859 Michael This is where I fell in love with you. And this is where I ask you to marry me. It started with.. Holly Flax, marrying me will you be?
39092 7 19 Garage Sale 5859 Holly Your wife becoming me will I.
39093 7 19 Garage Sale 5859 Kevin That's awesome!
39094 7 19 Garage Sale 5859 Pam Congratulations!
39095 7 19 Garage Sale 5859 Jim Congratulations!
39096 7 19 Garage Sale 5859 Michael Thank you. So guys, guys, guys. We're moving to Colorado.
39097 7 19 Garage Sale 5859 Kevin All of us?
39098 7 19 Garage Sale 5859 Michael Yep.
39099 7 19 Garage Sale 5859 Jim Wait, what?
39100 7 19 Garage Sale 5859 Michael Holly has to go back to Colorado. I'm going with her. I'm leaving.
39101 7 20 Training Day 5860 Michael Kahlua Sombrero, please.
39102 7 20 Training Day 5860 Waiter All right, so just you tonight?
39103 7 20 Training Day 5860 Michael Actually, I am meeting somebody, but I'm a little bit early. Leaving my company. After 19 years.
39104 7 20 Training Day 5860 Deangelo I'll drink to that. I'm starting at a company this week.
39105 7 20 Training Day 5860 Michael Oh, really?
39106 7 20 Training Day 5860 Deangelo To begginings and endings.
39107 7 20 Training Day 5860 Michael And to middles, the unsung heroes. And to moms.
39108 7 20 Training Day 5860 Deangelo The moms and the troops.
39109 7 20 Training Day 5860 Michael Do not tell my fiance I'm drinking on a Wednesday.
39110 7 20 Training Day 5860 Deangelo I won't... I don't know her.
39111 7 20 Training Day 5860 Michael I'm moving out to the burbs... actually, I'm moving further than the burbs, I'm moving to Colorado.
39112 7 20 Training Day 5860 Deangelo Colorado! The sunshine state.
39113 7 20 Training Day 5860 Michael Yep. Don't mess with Colorado.
39114 7 20 Training Day 5860 Deangelo Doing some skiing?
39115 7 20 Training Day 5860 Michael No, no. I don't want to end up like Sunny Bobo.
39116 7 20 Training Day 5860 Deangelo Well that's just good sense right there. Everyone I know who skis is dead.
39117 7 20 Training Day 5860 Michael You know, I would like to try the luge, through.
39118 7 20 Training Day 5860 Deangelo Try it once, you're hooked. That's my guess.
39119 7 20 Training Day 5860 Michael That's what I've heard.
39120 7 20 Training Day 5860 Deangelo I'm an olympics nut.
39121 7 20 Training Day 5860 Michael Oh yeah? Me too. Summer or winter?
39122 7 20 Training Day 5860 Deangelo, Michael Summer!
39123 7 20 Training Day 5860 Deangelo Knuckles! Actually, I gotta come around and give you...
39124 7 20 Training Day 5861 Deangelo You know, it's funny, I tried to get an animal olympics going.
39125 7 20 Training Day 5861 Michael Really? What happened?
39126 7 20 Training Day 5861 Deangelo You know, life happened. What are you gonna miss most about Scranton?
39127 7 20 Training Day 5861 Michael Oh... wow. The mountains. Where things are.
39128 7 20 Training Day 5861 Deangelo That's the way it goes.
39129 7 20 Training Day 5861 Michael Man, he is late. I'm gonna call him. Do you mind? I'm sorry.
39130 7 20 Training Day 5861 Deangelo Excuse me. Hello? You running late?
39131 7 20 Training Day 5861 Michael No, I'm here. I'm right... I'm at the bar.
39132 7 20 Training Day 5861 Deangelo I'm at the bar too.
39133 7 20 Training Day 5861 Michael You are? What bar?
39134 7 20 Training Day 5861 Deangelo I'm at the bar. The bar that's located in the lobby of the hotel.
39135 7 20 Training Day 5861 Michael I... do not see you.
39136 7 20 Training Day 5861 Deangelo How long have you...
39137 7 20 Training Day 5861 Michael I'm been here about... gosh, over half an hour.
39138 7 20 Training Day 5861 Deangelo Ok, me too.
39139 7 20 Training Day 5861 Deangelo, Michael Sorry...
39140 7 20 Training Day 5861 Michael What're you wearing?
39141 7 20 Training Day 5861 Deangelo I am wearing a grey suit, red tie.
39142 7 20 Training Day 5861 Michael Are we both at the right place?
39143 7 20 Training Day 5861 Deangelo Which place?
39144 7 20 Training Day 5861 Michael I hear your voice.
39145 7 20 Training Day 5861 Deangelo I hear your voice, I see your lips moving.
39146 7 20 Training Day 5861 Michael I see your voice in the phone. Oh, man! Michael Scott.
39147 7 20 Training Day 5861 Deangelo Deangelo Vickers.
39148 7 20 Training Day 5861 Michael Wow... that is insane!
39149 7 20 Training Day 5861 Deangelo That is insane, that is the right term. Let's get some Vodka up in this cranberry, and one for my friend.
39150 7 20 Training Day 5862 Michael Here we go! Are you ready?
39151 7 20 Training Day 5862 Deangelo I am ready.
39152 7 20 Training Day 5862 Michael Alright! Here we go!
39153 7 20 Training Day 5863 Michael This is it. What do you think?
39154 7 20 Training Day 5863 Deangelo Oh, she'll do. She'll do just fine.
39155 7 20 Training Day 5864 Deangelo I am very much looking forward to tommorow. It feels like the culmanation of a lot of hard work, a lot of good fortune...
39156 7 20 Training Day 5864 Deangelo Did that? Did that just happen?! We should.. we should write a movie or something! I'm serious!
39157 7 20 Training Day 5865 Oscar Michael is leaving. And apparently they've already hired a new manager. And we're meeting him today. It's a lot to process. Paperwork wise.
39158 7 20 Training Day 5866 Kevin Nope! It's not Ashton Kutcher. It's Kevin Malone! Equally handsome, equally smart!
39159 7 20 Training Day 5867 Michael Ok, everyone, as you know, one of my favorite things is fanfare for it's own sake. So, without further ado, let's start clapping! Presenting Deangelo Vickers!
39160 7 20 Training Day 5867 Michael Come on out!
39161 7 20 Training Day 5867 Deangelo Hello! How are you sir?
39162 7 20 Training Day 5867 Michael I am well, sir, how are you?
39163 7 20 Training Day 5867 Deangelo Can I just say, I am so excited to be working here. Little bit about myself, I love the American Southwest, for starters. You may call them Arizona, New Mexico, Nevada, Utah, I call them heaven. I have a peanut allergy, something I live with, it's a part of me. I've learned to cope with it. What else, I'm just as comfortable at the ball game as I am at the opera. I was a-
39164 7 20 Training Day 5868 Dwight Did I want to be made manager? Sure. A great opportunity squandered? Absolutely. A crushing blow? Yes. Will I get over it? No. But life goes on. Not for me.
39165 7 20 Training Day 5869 Kelly I'll get that you guys. Don't... it's just... you know...
39166 7 20 Training Day 5869 Deangelo I'll help you.
39167 7 20 Training Day 5869 Kelly Oh, hi!
39168 7 20 Training Day 5869 Deangelo Hello!
39169 7 20 Training Day 5869 Kelly Have we met before?
39170 7 20 Training Day 5869 Deangelo No, not officially, actually, I saw you walking out of the bathroom before.
39171 7 20 Training Day 5869 Kelly Well, I guess I'll go back to my cave. It was really great meeting you.
39172 7 20 Training Day 5870 Kelly And that is what you call a meet cute.
39173 7 20 Training Day 5871 Michael And we talk for like 20 minutes, no clue it's Deangelo the whole time!
39174 7 20 Training Day 5871 Darryl Kind of embarassing.
39175 7 20 Training Day 5871 Angela Yeah, that story makes you sound stupid.
39176 7 20 Training Day 5871 Michael I happen to like the hilarious hijinx I get myself into. There he is! Deangelo, I was just telling them about last night, when we met. Remember that? That was crazy!
39177 7 20 Training Day 5871 Deangelo Oh. That was... let's see, where's my replacement? Where's the guy I'm replacing? Why don't I look to the left? He's sitting right there!
39178 7 20 Training Day 5871 Michael Oh yeah... I know... that's what I was just saying... that's what...
39179 7 20 Training Day 5871 Andy That exact situation is why I always carry around some of these. nametags. Just in case. Because sometimes you just need to I.D. yourself.
39180 7 20 Training Day 5871 Deangelo Office funny guy! Always glad to have an office funny guy around!
39181 7 20 Training Day 5872 Andy I wasn't even trying to make a joke. But I guess I've always been sorta quirky, offbeat, a little twisted.
39182 7 20 Training Day 5873 Michael This is Jim and Pam, aka Jap. What started as an affair has blossomed into a family before our eyes.
39183 7 20 Training Day 5873 Pam Well, it wasn't an affair.
39184 7 20 Training Day 5873 Michael Yes it was.
39185 7 20 Training Day 5873 Pam But, no, but we are a family.
39186 7 20 Training Day 5873 Jim We made that.
39187 7 20 Training Day 5873 Pam Cecelia.
39188 7 20 Training Day 5873 Deangelo Well, congratulations. I have four kids of my own.
39189 7 20 Training Day 5873 Pam Really? Oh, my gosh! We just have the one, but she poops for four.
39190 7 20 Training Day 5874 Pam Uh oh. Someone started off on the right foot with the new boss!
39191 7 20 Training Day 5874 Jim Yeah, they don't ever talk about careers that were made because of unplanned pregnancies.
39192 7 20 Training Day 5875 Dwight Thanks for meeting me.
39193 7 20 Training Day 5875 Michael Are you kidding? I'd come anywhere to see a turtle? Where'd you find him.
39194 7 20 Training Day 5875 Dwight There's no turtle, Michael. I just wanted to get you here.
39195 7 20 Training Day 5875 Michael You know me very well, Dwight.
39196 7 20 Training Day 5875 Dwight That's because I'm your right-hand man, Michael, but I can't do it again. I can't do it again for a whole new guy.
39197 7 20 Training Day 5875 Michael Now I'm gonna have to go online and look at turtles or I'll be off all day.
39198 7 20 Training Day 5875 Dwight I want to be manager. I just don't understand why I wasn't even interviewed for the job. What's wrong? I was totally qualified, you were pushing for me.
39199 7 20 Training Day 5876 Meredith That apple looks delic!
39200 7 20 Training Day 5876 Deangelo I do a lot of portion control. I try to keep my daily calor intake under 1200.
39201 7 20 Training Day 5876 Stanley Deangelo, you're going to starve to death.
39202 7 20 Training Day 5876 Michael So you decided to have an orgy and not invite me? I call the middle!
39203 7 20 Training Day 5876 Darryl It's cool that you like the southwest. It's one of my favorite regions.
39204 7 20 Training Day 5877 Darryl It's one of my favorite regions? Did I just sound totally lame? No, I sounded good.
39205 7 20 Training Day 5878 Darryl I love the desert. It's one of my favorite ecosystems.
39206 7 20 Training Day 5878 Deangelo Here's the great thing about the southwest; there's so much more than desert. Along the north rim of the Grand Canyon is a forest as lush as you've ever seen.
39207 7 20 Training Day 5878 Kevin Burnt! It's lush, dummie. Hey, Deangelo, what do you think of bald people? I hate them.
39208 7 20 Training Day 5878 Angela Deangelo, I forget, did you mention you like politics?
39209 7 20 Training Day 5878 Deangelo I did not.
39210 7 20 Training Day 5878 Angela Cause I was thinking that you should meet my boyfriend, he's a state senator. I really think the two of you would hit it off. He's a great person to know.
39211 7 20 Training Day 5878 Deangelo Sounds very interesting, thank you.
39212 7 20 Training Day 5879 Erin Dunder Mifflin, this is Erin. Ok, let me transfer you.
39213 7 20 Training Day 5879 Deangelo Why do you use your name when you use the phone?
39214 7 20 Training Day 5879 Erin Oh, that's how Pam does it. I just copy her. She's sort of a living legend.
39215 7 20 Training Day 5879 Deangelo Try it without using your name.
39216 7 20 Training Day 5879 Erin Dunder Mifflin, this is... oh, I like it!
39217 7 20 Training Day 5879 Deangelo Dunder Mifflin, how may I assist you?
39218 7 20 Training Day 5879 Erin Oh, assist.
39219 7 20 Training Day 5879 Michael I sorta like the old way.
39220 7 20 Training Day 5879 Deangelo I just prefer it without the name and I thought- I've got to start doing some managing at some point.
39221 7 20 Training Day 5879 Michael I know, I know, I'm sorry, but if it's not a big deal we should just-
39222 7 20 Training Day 5879 Deangelo And it really isn't.
39223 7 20 Training Day 5879 Michael Is that good?
39224 7 20 Training Day 5879 Erin Yeah, ok, good.
39225 7 20 Training Day 5879 Deangelo Well, I'd like to change it, actually.
39226 7 20 Training Day 5879 Michael Well, whatever. Whatever you think will work.
39227 7 20 Training Day 5879 Erin What do you think?
39228 7 20 Training Day 5879 Deangelo I think a change would be nice.
39229 7 20 Training Day 5879 Michael You can do the old way or whatever you think would work.
39230 7 20 Training Day 5879 Denagelo Change it.
39231 7 20 Training Day 5879 Erin ...I'm so sorry. Sorry.
39232 7 20 Training Day 5880 Deangelo Hey, funny guy. Wanna have a little mid-day lawl here. Make me laugh, huh? What you got? I can't even look at you.
39233 7 20 Training Day 5880 Andy Here we go... ok... what do African Americans call...
39234 7 20 Training Day 5880 Erin Deangelo, did you order a barber?
39235 7 20 Training Day 5880 Deangelo Oh, yeah. Put a pin on that, kid. Can't wait to hear the punchline.
39236 7 20 Training Day 5880 Darryl Finish the joke, Andy. What do African Americans call?
39237 7 20 Training Day 5880 Andy I... don't know. Help me.
39238 7 20 Training Day 5881 Ryan That is so badass. So hardcore.
39239 7 20 Training Day 5881 Phyllis Yeah, real cool. Real power move.
39240 7 20 Training Day 5881 Deangelo I saw a hawk today. Just sitting right there on the overpass. Looking at me.
39241 7 20 Training Day 5881 Michael Shave me. This is going to be funny! Looks like we are going to be shaving buddies!
39242 7 20 Training Day 5881 Deangelo Ok, alright! I love it! I love it! Michael, this is Reggie. He is the #1 yelp reviewed shaver in Scranton. It's not even close.
39243 7 20 Training Day 5881 Michael And this is Erin and she is going to shave my face. Here we go.
39244 7 20 Training Day 5881 Deangelo Alright. This is how we do it. Feels nice, doesn't it?
39245 7 20 Training Day 5881 Michael It really does. This is luxery. Here we go. Ah, that is nice.
39246 7 20 Training Day 5881 Oscar You wanted to talk to us Deangelo?
39247 7 20 Training Day 5881 Deangelo Ah, yes, please! Just cozy up there. Just thought we could have some rap sessions with smaller groups.
39248 7 20 Training Day 5881 Michael Well, we don't really do rap sessions. We kinda do... god... we sorta do more of like powwows or-
39249 7 20 Training Day 5881 Deangelo Ok, then, powwows then, fine.
39250 7 20 Training Day 5881 Michael That's-
39251 7 20 Training Day 5881 Pam Hey, Deangelo, my mom just sent me this picture of Cece, it is so adorable.
39252 7 20 Training Day 5881 Jim Alright, wait, little bit of backstory, she loves dogs. She calls them 'da-das'.
39253 7 20 Training Day 5881 Pam Da-das.
39254 7 20 Training Day 5881 Jim And what happens here is-
39255 7 20 Training Day 5881 Deangelo You know what, enough about your baby, ok? I'm sorry.
39256 7 20 Training Day 5881 Jim We were... I think she was just trying to-
39257 7 20 Training Day 5881 Deangelo No, no, no, I know what you're doing. Just quit it. I want to hear from the rank and file. How can I be the best manager for you all? What can I do better?
39258 7 20 Training Day 5881 Michael You know what, everybody? You have to be honest, here. You can't say that everything is perfect. So, you know, come up with something.
39259 7 20 Training Day 5881 Oscar Well, Deangelo, I'd say communication could be improved. People stopped reading memos, so everyone marks them urgent.
39260 7 20 Training Day 5881 Michael Ok, you know what, I mark it urgent A, urgent B, urgent C, urgent D. Urgent A is the most important, urgent D you don't even really have to worry about.
39261 7 20 Training Day 5881 Erin Michael, can you stop talking now? I need to shave your lips.
39262 7 20 Training Day 5881 Michael Don't shave my lips.
39263 7 20 Training Day 5882 Deangelo What's up?
39264 7 20 Training Day 5882 Andy I don't mean to go into a rant here, but...
39265 7 20 Training Day 5883 Andy I wrote the perfect joke. Topical, edgy, funny.
39266 7 20 Training Day 5884 Andy ...I saw this thing on the news. Democrats want electric cars. Republicans don't. I'm thinking, 'how crazy is it that we have a car debate going on in a city known for gridlock.
39267 7 20 Training Day 5884 Deangelo Let's not talk politics in the office, ok? I like you better as a funny guy.
39268 7 20 Training Day 5884 Andy I wasn't taking a position. It's just one of those things where-
39269 7 20 Training Day 5884 Deangelo Now that's funny! That's funny! You walk much?
39270 7 20 Training Day 5884 Andy Yeah, right, I mean-
39271 7 20 Training Day 5885 Deangelo Little click...
39272 7 20 Training Day 5885 Erin Deangelo, this box came for you.
39273 7 20 Training Day 5885 Deangelo Thank you. That's my stuff. Yeah. Michael, take a look at this.
39274 7 20 Training Day 5885 Stanley Need a hand?
39275 7 20 Training Day 5885 Deangelo Oh, that'd be great, thank you Stanley!
39276 7 20 Training Day 5885 Michael You know, this office sort of has a perfect Feng Shui to it, so... you know, let's not go overboard with the re-decorating, and I'm still here-
39277 7 20 Training Day 5885 Michael I still have to look at this stuff, guys.
39278 7 20 Training Day 5885 Darryl So this is a ten-gallon hat, huh?
39279 7 20 Training Day 5885 Deangelo Yep, ten-gallon hat. Technically, it only holds about three quartz. Little factoid.
39280 7 20 Training Day 5885 Kevin Interesting.
39281 7 20 Training Day 5886 Michael Deangelo's great. I love the guy. But I'm not sure he's a great fit for the office. And also, I'm not sure if I love the guy.
39282 7 20 Training Day 5887 Darryl Cool, cool. Alright, see you later.
39283 7 20 Training Day 5887 Darryl's sister Hey, hey, hey!
39284 7 20 Training Day 5887 Darryl No, I'm good. Keep them.
39285 7 20 Training Day 5888 Deangelo Hey, funny man! Whatcha got for me? Make me laugh?
39286 7 20 Training Day 5888 Andy Let's see if they have my favorite teas in here...
39287 7 20 Training Day 5888 Deangelo Drink some soap!
39288 7 20 Training Day 5889 Andy I guess this is my life now.
39289 7 20 Training Day 5890 Dwight How do I become a manger at Sabre?
39290 7 20 Training Day 5890 Gabe First thing's first, thank you for coming here directly. I know you could have called Tallahassee but they would've just looped back to me, so, it's cool you recognized my role here.
39291 7 20 Training Day 5890 Dwight I left a message at corporate.
39292 7 20 Training Day 5890 Gabe Ahh. There you go. Get a recommendation from Michael. That'll put you right on the shortlist for next time there's an opening.
39293 7 20 Training Day 5890 Dwight Can't you just use the recommendation you already have on file?
39294 7 20 Training Day 5890 Gabe What recommendation?
39295 7 20 Training Day 5890 Dwight From when he recommended me to replace him.
39296 7 20 Training Day 5890 Gabe ...I'm sorry, I never know how to act in these awkward-type situations.
39297 7 20 Training Day 5891 Deangelo Best whale watching: easily the west coast. If you're going whale watching on the East Coast, you might wanna bring a magazine called "West Coast Whales'. Because you're not gonna see them-
39298 7 20 Training Day 5891 Michael Snack time! It's the witching hour! It's the sandwitching hour!
39299 7 20 Training Day 5891 Kevin Awesome!
39300 7 20 Training Day 5891 Phyllis Mmm, whatcha got?
39301 7 20 Training Day 5891 Michael PB and J, my mom's recipe!
39302 7 20 Training Day 5891 Angela Michael! Deangelo has a peanut allergy.
39303 7 20 Training Day 5891 Deangelo I need a wide berth. I need a wide berth from those nuts.
39304 7 20 Training Day 5891 Stanley What are you doing? Have you lost your mind?
39305 7 20 Training Day 5891 Michael I think Kevin wants one. Kevin, here you go!
39306 7 20 Training Day 5891 Oscar Michael, this is serious! Do you know what happens if Deangelo touches a peanut?
39307 7 20 Training Day 5891 Michael What?
39308 7 20 Training Day 5891 Deangelo Michael, the last time I was exposed to a peanut, I was itchy for three days, ok? I had to take baths constantly. I missed the O.J. verdict. I had to read about it in the paper like an idiot.
39309 7 20 Training Day 5891 Jim Wait, so, you don't go into shock or die or anything?
39310 7 20 Training Day 5891 Deangelo No, Jim, not everything is life or death. I want to feel comfortable.
39311 7 20 Training Day 5891 Michael Oscar, here you go.
39312 7 20 Training Day 5891 Deangelo You're getting nut particles all in the air!
39313 7 20 Training Day 5891 Michael No one had a problem with the air here until you came around.
39314 7 20 Training Day 5891 Deangelo Everyone, mandatory meeting. Multi-purpose room, now.
39315 7 20 Training Day 5891 Michael No, that's good. You just stay in there, stay in there by yourself, loser. No body go in. No body go in there. Stay where you are.
39316 7 20 Training Day 5891 Oscar Michael, This is insane.
39317 7 20 Training Day 5891 Michael No, it's not insane, Oscar. I'm been here for 19 years, and just because someone else is called the boss, you're gonna throw it all away? No.
39318 7 20 Training Day 5891 Jim Listen, you're the one who decided to leave. Come on, he's the new boss, you know we have to do this.
39319 7 20 Training Day 5891 Michael Well, who needs him. Guess it's just you and me, Dwight.
39320 7 20 Training Day 5891 Dwight Correction. Just you. Alright, meeting. Multi-function room.
39321 7 20 Training Day 5891 Deangelo Hold on, Hey Michael, Michael, wait up, hold on. Um, so for these meetings do you just jump into business or do you start with some chit-chat or...?
39322 7 20 Training Day 5891 Michael I start with some chit-chat and a maybe a couple of jokes. And you might want to develop a couple of characters. You know what, you'll be fine.
39323 7 20 Training Day 5891 Deangelo Maybe. Maybe not. 50/50. You know what, it is too bad for this place that you're leaving. Bring it in, come on. Ok.
39324 7 20 Training Day 5891 Michael Ok. Why did you have to be so damn good?
39325 7 20 Training Day 5891 Deangelo I... I'm adequete. I'm half as good as you.
39326 7 20 Training Day 5891 Michael No, no, no. Come on. You are good, they know it.
39327 7 20 Training Day 5891 Deangelo Will you do me a favour and enjoy this time, ok? You've worked so hard, get your senioritis on. It's Lake Havasu time!
39328 7 20 Training Day 5891 Michael Guess I've been working so hard I forgot what it's like to be hardly working.
39329 7 20 Training Day 5891 Deangelo Ok. What is the Native American girl's name?
39330 7 20 Training Day 5891 Michael You'll figure it out.
39331 7 20 Training Day 5892 Jim Hey, Deangelo! Wanna meet Cece?
39332 7 20 Training Day 5892 Deangelo That's a cute baby. Very cute baby. Adorable. Very cute.
39333 7 20 Training Day 5892 Jim Thank you very much.
39334 7 20 Training Day 5893 Pam See, we knew it! If he just met her, he'd understand.
39335 7 20 Training Day 5893 Jim We're back in! Right?
39336 7 20 Training Day 5894 Deangelo I swear, that baby could be the star of a show entitled 'Babys I Don't Care About.'
39337 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5895 Michael It is six a.m. and we are about to go house to house to give everyone their Dundie Nomination Certificates. Just like the Oscars!
39338 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5895 DeAngelo Yes, and this happens every...?
39339 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5895 Michael Every year! This happens, you have a lot to learn my friend.
39340 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5895 DeAngelo Well, you know, why don't we try it, and if it goes good it'll be part of my tradition.
39341 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5895 Michael Why do you always say that? You're gonna love it.
39342 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5896 Michael Alright let's go! This way, this way!
39343 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5896 DeAngelo Thanks.
39344 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5896 Michael Surprise!
39345 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5896 DeAngelo Congratulations!
39346 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5896 Jim Yep, okay...
39347 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5896 Michael You and Pam have both been nominated for Dundie Awards!
39348 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5896 Jim Okay.
39349 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5896 Michael Here we go! Have Pam come down.
39350 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5896 Jim No she doesn't wa- She's not here.
39351 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5896 Pam What's going on?
39352 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5896 Jim Stay in bed!
39353 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5897 Michael Congratulations!
39354 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5897 Stanley Have you lost your mind! Get off my property before I call the police!
39355 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5897 Michael We got it.
39356 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5897 DeAngelo Uh, leave it at the door or...?
39357 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5897 Michael Yeah that's fine.
39358 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5898 Michael Hey Toby! You suck!
39359 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5898 DeAngelo Is this an employee of ours?
39360 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5898 Michael Go go go go go go!
39361 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5899 Michael I've never seen this place in the daylight.
39362 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5899 DeAngelo It reminds me of Katrina.
39363 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5899 Michael Here we go, alright got it? Set? Hello?
39364 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5899 Meredith I'm so busted! Walk of shame!
39365 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5899 DeAngelo Do you usually leave your door unlocked? And ajar?
39366 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5899 Meredith Ahh, Nice! I got a Dundie nomination!
39367 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5899 Michael Yes you did. That's right! Congratulations Meredith. We should head out.
39368 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5899 Meredith No no no! You guys stay! No no no! I have Vienna Sausages and I have napkins. Let me fix you breakfast!
39369 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5899 DeAngelo I'm not going in there.
39370 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5899 Michael Go.
39371 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5900 Michael Good morning Erin.
39372 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5900 Erin Oh hey, didn't see you.
39373 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5900 Michael You have big plans for tonight?
39374 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5900 Erin I don't know, maybe volunteer at the shelter, or go to bed, or... I don't know. Maybe I'm going to the Dundies!!
39375 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5900 Michael You are getting so funny! Very good.
39376 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5901 Michael The Dundies are my baby, and they need to go on. When Larry King died they didn't just cancel his show. They got Pierce Morgan to come in, and do his show, and, that way, Larry lives on.
39377 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5902 Michael Anything can happen at the Dundies! They're like the Golden Globes but less mean. And I just want all of us to have a good time!
39378 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5902 Dwight Just a little announcement folks, remember, the Dundies is a black tie affair.
39379 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5902 Michael Black tie optional.
39380 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5902 Dwight Every day is black tie optional!
39381 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5902 Michael A la, tonight we will be hosting at Louie Volpies!
39382 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5902 Kevin Nice!
39383 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5902 Phyllis I love their breadsticks!
39384 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5902 Pam Oh, their breadsticks are like crack!
39385 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5902 Ryan I love when people say like crack when they've obviously never done crack.
39386 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5902 Pam Well the breadsticks are like what then, Ryan, what can I use?
39387 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5902 Ryan I don't know, something from your world. The breadsticks are like scrapbooking.
39388 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5902 Pam You're right, you're right. I'm a middle class broad.
39389 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5902 Michael Shh, shh! Okay, okay. Everybody's right. They're like breadsticks on steroids. Right?
39390 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5902 Ryan Yeah that's great.
39391 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5902 Michael So as you know, the Dundies are my legacy. So I'm going to need to train a replacement. So this year, I have decided to have a co-host. And that person is DeAngelo!
39392 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5903 Dwight Always the padawan, never the Jedi.
39393 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5904 DeAngelo Thank you Michael, uh, but I will have to pass.
39394 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5904 Michael Think of it as part of your training.
39395 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5904 DeAngelo Not much of a performer, unless you count singing in the shower. Boy, okay...
39396 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5904 Michael Okay, well we'll work on it.
39397 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5904 DeAngelo Michael, I'm very, very bad.
39398 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5904 Michael You are doing it.
39399 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5905 Michael Guys! I want you to help us work on some banter.
39400 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5905 Kevin Yes! I love banter. But I hate witty banter.
39401 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5905 Michael Here we go! So, DeAngelo! You and I have a lot in common. You lost two hundred pounds, and I lose my car keys every morning.
39402 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5905 DeAngelo That is true, we do share some similarities. I know how you can fix one of those problems, for me it was portion control. For you, you need a key chain. Maybe one with a-
39403 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5905 Michael Okay, okay. You know what, I didn't actually lose my keys...
39404 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5905 DeAngelo This did not happen.
39405 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5905 Michael Mmmmkay. There needs to be what you call a rat-a-tat. And right now it's all rat and no tat. Ryan come on up here. Tap DeAngelo out. Just watch this. Okay. Ryan how are you today?
39406 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5905 Ryan Why don't you ask my therapist, my mom certainly pays her enough.
39407 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5905 Michael There you go! Lovely! Regis and Kelly! Nice! Use that as an inspiration. Just be funny.
39408 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5905 DeAngelo Uhhh, you sir! Are we having fun tonight?
39409 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5905 Jim Having a great time.
39410 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5905 DeAngelo Oh good!
39411 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5905 Jim Thanks, yeah.
39412 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5905 DeAngelo Where were you on September 11th?
39413 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5905 Michael No! God!
39414 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5905 DeAngelo This is so weird! If I'm conducting a meeting, good to go. But if I think of it as a performance... I-I fall apart. Obviously.
39415 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5905 Andy Why don't you think of hosting the Dundies like you're just running a meeting.
39416 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5905 Michael No, no, no! This is the performance of your life!
39417 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5905 Jim Why don't you just, privately, in your own head, think of it like a meeting.
39418 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5905 Michael Jim, please no loopholes.
39419 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5905 Darryl Mike, why do you have to control how he perceives it in his mind?
39420 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5905 Michael This is my last Dundies ever, if I want mind control over him, is that too much to ask?
39421 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5906 DeAngelo Me mo. Me mo.
39422 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5906 Michael Good. Good. Good!
39423 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5906 DeAngelo Meee Mo, Mee!
39424 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5906 Michael Now, tell me something terrible that happened in your childhood.
39425 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5906 DeAngelo When I was very young, my mother divorced my father and I had to go to court and choose between them.
39426 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5906 Michael Too personal. I don't wanna hear about it. Let's try this. Put these on. I am going to turn this on, and turn the volume all the way up. So you can't- That's right, you're not going to be able to hear yourself. Read this, and make it sound perfect.
39427 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5906 DeAngelo THE DUNDIES ARE-OW-ABOUT COMING TOGETHER! AND RECOGNIZING, THE ADOMINABILITY OF THE HUMAN SPIRIT!
39428 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5906 Michael Say it with an accent!
39429 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5906 DeAngelo THE DUNDIES!
39430 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5906 Michael The Dundies!
39431 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5906 DeAngelo THE DUNDIES!
39432 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5907 Jim I just don't understand the desire to push sweet potato fries on me, and not just regular fries.
39433 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5907 Pam Yeah... Hey, Erin, everything okay?
39434 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5907 Erin Get away from the car, he's gonna see you.
39435 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5907 Jim Who's gonna see us?
39436 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5907 Erin Just get in! Get in! Just get in!
39437 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5907 Jim Get in the car?
39438 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5907 Erin Please! Sorry. Get in. Sorry sorry sorry.
39439 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5907 Pam What's wrong?
39440 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5907 Erin I eat lunch in the car now. It's my alone time. It's just nice to have some time away from Gabe.
39441 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5907 Pam Why don't you wanna eat lunch with your boyfriend?
39442 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5907 Erin I, really don't like spending time with him.
39443 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5907 Pam Don't you think it's better to tell him the truth now? You know, rather than waste more of his time?
39444 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5907 Jim I think I'm gonna go.
39445 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5907 Pam What?
39446 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5907 Jim I think you got this. Kay? Alright. Feel better!
39447 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5907 Erin Thank you Jim.
39448 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5908 Jim I'm sorry, that just wasn't interesting to me.
39449 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5909 Erin I can't just dump him Pam, I'm not like you, I can't be mean.
39450 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5909 Pam Wait, when am I...? You just have to be clear and firm. You know, just tell him you don't love him. Just be honest with him.
39451 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5910 Kevin Hi!
39452 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5910 Dwight Appalling. Eye sore. Surprisingly adequate! Okay everyone! The activities commence in four seconds!
39453 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5910 Erin DeAngelo, Jo's on the phone for you.
39454 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5910 DeAngelo Hello?
39455 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5910 Jo DeAngelo! We're in serious horse manure here! The Dundies are tonight! And we ain't got no host!
39456 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5910 DeAngelo Oh no!
39457 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5910 Jo Luckily I have someone for you!
39458 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5910 DeAngelo Billy Crystal?
39459 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5910 Jo Better.
39460 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5910 DeAngelo Neil Patrick Harris?
39461 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5910 Jo He's in Little Shop of Horrors on Broadway. Now we need Michael Scott! The best darn Dundies host on both sides of the Mississippi!
39462 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5910 DeAngelo Ughhh, I gotta find Michael Scott! And then I gotta, Get Him to the Dundies!
39463 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5910 DeAngelo Hey, can you help me find Michael Scott Angela?
39464 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5910 Angela My boyfriend can, he's a state senator.
39465 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5910 DeAngelo Mmhmm.
39466 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5910 Angela Oh wait, he can't help because that title has no meaning!
39467 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5910 Oscar Try Jim DeAngelo, he'll be able to help.
39468 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5910 DeAngelo Jim! Do you know where I can find Michael Scott?
39469 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5910 Jim I totally don't know where Michael is, dude, hey you wanna listen to some records?
39470 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5910 DeAngelo No one is listening to me! And I'm running out of time!
39471 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5910 Phyllis Well, what are you talking about? Ohh! Ohh! I've fallen and I can't get up!
39472 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5910 DeAngelo Maybe I just need to look into my heart. DeAngelo, where is Michael Scott.
39473 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5910 Michael I'm here. In a good way! I've been here the whole time.
39474 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5911 Oscar The analytical part of me wants to examine it, but I know it has no content.
39475 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5912 Dwight Ladies and gentlemen, please stand up for you co-host this evening, Michael Gary Scott. Please remain standing for your other co-host, and new manager, DeAngelo Jeremitrius Vickers! Was that part of the...?
39476 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5913 Michael DeAngelo, what are you doing? There's a live audience out there!
39477 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5913 DeAngelo Go do it by yourself, get Ryan.
39478 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5913 Michael No, Ryan would never do it. It's too on the radar. Look, look. The boss, hosts, the Dundies! It's sort of our perk!
39479 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5913 DeAngelo This was not, part of the job description!
39480 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5913 Michael Listen to me, you're not doing this for me, you're not doing this for you, you're not even doing this for them!
39481 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5913 DeAngelo Who am I doing this for?
39482 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5913 Michael You're doing this for all those kids out there, eating off the Louie Volpies kid's menu, wondering: Does it get better? What I want you to do, is I want you to say: It's showtime. Get out there.
39483 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5913 DeAngelo I can't.
39484 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5913 Michael Say it.
39485 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5913 DeAngelo Stop, hitting me.
39486 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5913 Michael You can do it, just say it.
39487 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5913 DeAngelo Hit me again.
39488 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5913 Michael Now hit me. One, two, three.
39489 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5913 Together It's showtime.
39490 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5913 Michael Alright, here we go.
39491 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5914 Michael Okay! Okay! Sorry about the delay everybody! But we were at the DMV waiting in line.
39492 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5914 DeAngelo Fall asleep right after s*x. Huh guys?
39493 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5914 Jim Nope, go back to the script.
39494 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5914 Michael There are a lot of great salesmen in this office, but one of our great salesmen is also a great dad. And a close personal friend of mine, Jim Halpert! Best Dad Dundie!
39495 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5914 Jim Wow! I do not parent for the award but I gotta tell you It feels pretty good. Uh, Cece, if you're watching this at home it's way past your bedtime, by the way how'd this get televised?
39496 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5914 Michael Well done.
39497 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5914 Jim I don't know maybe being a good dad is just all in your own compass. I don't know, I don't know. Thank you!
39498 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5914 Michael Alright.
39499 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5914 Pam You didn't think to mention me huh?
39500 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5914 Jim Didn't I?
39501 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5914 Michael Which moves us to, Best Mom Dundie. I guess we all kinda consider her a mom around the office. Meredith Palmer!
39502 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5914 Meredith Tell ya one thing, I'm not gonna be a good mom tonight! Whooo!
39503 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5914 Dwight Excuse me, can I get a photo of the Best Mom and the Best Dad please?
39504 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5914 Jim I gotta go do this.
39505 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5914 Pam Why?
39506 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5914 Dwight Big smiles folks! There they are.
39507 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5914 Michael Year after year, I catch a lot of flak on this particular award, because year after year I present this award to a guy instead of a girl. Hottest in the office goes to, Danny Cordray! Danny couldn't be here tonight...
39508 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5915 Ryan How do I feel about not winning Hottest in the Office this year? Uhm, I'm very relieved. How do you, how do you judge something like that? What is the criteria even? It's, it's so subjective.
39509 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5916 Michael Stanley Hudson is a grump, everybody knows that. But did you know, that Stanley Hudson is also the face of a debilitating disease known as diabetes. The Diabetes Award goes to Stanley Hudson! Come on up here you sick b*st*rd.
39510 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5917 Phyllis I have diabetes too. You don't see me making a big deal about it.
39511 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5918 DeAngelo They say he's going to be my right hand man, adlib masturbation joke. No, I hate this, I hate it so much. Dwight Schrute! Please accept this promising Assistant Manager Dundie. Thank you, thank you so much. I would like to thank something that we, uh, take for granted in our daily lives. And that is the humble trashcan. This is for you trashcan!
39512 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5918 Manager Who gave you those crayons?
39513 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5918 Kevin I brought them from home! Do you have a red?
39514 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5918 Manager This is a cloth tablecloth! You can't color on it!
39515 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5918 Kevin Oh really?
39516 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5918 Michael You know, herpes affects one in five sexually active adults? Pippy Longstocking, Ronald McDonald's wife, Ron Howard, Ron Weasley, what do thay all have in common? Red heads. Erin Hannon, come on up here and receive your Cutest Red Head in the Office Award!
39517 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5918 Meredith That is bull!
39518 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5918 Erin Thank you, thank you! This is the first award I've ever won in my entire life. People are right about the Dundies, they are magical. But, I don't feel it. And I think that's because I'm not with the right person. Gabe, we should break up.
39519 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5918 Gabe What?
39520 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5918 Erin I'm not attracted to you. I just, I cringe when you talk. I have to be honest. Right, right Pam? Thank you for hearing me.
39521 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5918 Gabe Well, this is embarrassing, um, I'm obviously really angry at Erin. It's that quarter life crisis everyone's been talking about. Alright I'm gonna go.
39522 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5918 Michael There you go.
39523 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5918 Darryl Damn that was cold.
39524 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5918 Michael It is difficult to recognize the person who will be replacing you. But he is a good guy, so the Michael Scott Award for Best Dundies Host goes to DeAngelo Vickers.
39525 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5918 Audience Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech!
39526 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5918 DeAngelo Hold on, hold on one second. I WANNA, I WANNA, I FEEL TRULY BLESSED! UHHH, TO BE WORKING WITH ALL OF YOU! BEFORE THIS ALL STARTED, FUNNY STORY, I WAS IN THE BATHROOM, VOMITTING, AND VOMITTING IN THE MEN'S ROOM!
39527 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5918 Manager Okay, okay.
39528 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5918 DeAngelo THAT'S WHY IT'S BEEN SHUT DOWN FOR MOST OF THE EVENING...
39529 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5918 Michael DeAngelo is expressing himself.
39530 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5918 DeAngelo This is truly special, for me! And uh, anyway. It's so much lighter!
39531 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5918 Michael Okay, we're done! That's it.
39532 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5918 DeAngelo Michael, are we?!
39533 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5918 Michael We're done. We're done!
39534 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5919 Michael So that is how it ends. My last Dundies ever. I was hoping it'd be more like Godfather Three. That rapped up the whole franchise in an extremely satisfying way. But instead it is like Godfather One! That was, very confusing, had maybe three big laughs. Oh well...
39535 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5919 Pam Michael, we were thinking maybe we could keep this thing going!
39536 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5919 Michael What?
39537 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5919 DeAngelo I know I'm the cause of this royal screw up but I would like to see this show go on.
39538 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5919 Michael No, no. You're being too hard on yourself. We had a very truncated rehearsal time.
39539 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5919 Pam Let's grab some ice cream, go back to the office, and finish what we started.
39540 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5919 Michael So what you're saying is you kinda like it? I've fallen and I can't get up! That Phyllis bit, that was pretty good.
39541 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5919 Jim I don't know that we need to dissect it all now, but-
39542 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5919 Michael That got a big laugh.
39543 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5919 Jim That did. Pretty huge laugh.
39544 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5919 Michael You were laughing right?
39545 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5919 Stanley I was.
39546 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5920 DeAngelo You know what, I have to go to the bathroom.
39547 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5920 Michael We're really close.
39548 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5920 DeAngelo I can just run over to the gas station.
39549 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5920 Dwight We should just wait here and not get good seats in the conference room?
39550 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5920 Michael That's true, we wouldn't get seats together.
39551 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5920 DeAngelo Okay, fine I'll hold it.
39552 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5920 Michael You know, despite a couple hiccups, I think that went very well.
39553 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5920 Dwight I thought it was the worst Dundies I've ever been to.
39554 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5920 Michael Man! Maybe you should have won the Kind of a Bitch Award.
39555 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5920 Dwight Gladly! I'd accept that award, because a bitch, is a female dog!
39556 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5920 DeAngelo Please don't stop so suddenly, the seatbelt is pressing on my bladder. Why are you even wearing a seatbelt, you're sitting in the backseat, baby.
39557 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5920 Michael What is your problem?!
39558 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5920 Dwight I just don't see a point in the Dundies! Okay? The jokes are terrible, the venue is bad, the fashion is boring.
39559 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5920 Michael Okay! That, that is unfair! The clothing was safe, but tasteful.
39560 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5920 Dwight And next time, why don't you pick a co-host, that doesn't have microphone-a-phobia!
39561 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5920 DeAngelo Look, what ever you're going to do, how long is it going to take? Ballpark. 'Cause I just, I gotta make a decision here.
39562 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5920 Michael He is in an all-out sprint.
39563 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5921 Michael Here... Okay! By his own omission, this person actually tried marijuana in college, so the Doobie Doobie Pothead Stoner of the Year Award goes to, Andy Bernard!
39564 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5921 Andy A lot of people I'd like to thank, but I think we all actually wanna thank you Michael.
39565 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5921 Michael Oh, okay.
39566 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5921 Andy I mean, we actually all really wanna thank you, for everything.
39567 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5921 Michael Oh my God, something's happening.
39568 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5921 Andy Nine million, nine hundred eighty six thousand minutes! We actually sat down, and did the math.
39569 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5921 All Nine million, nine hundred eighty six thousand minutes! That's how many minutes, that you've worked here.
39570 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5921 Pam In costumes!
39571 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5921 Jim And impressions!
39572 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5921 Toby In meetings.
39573 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5921 Erin, Kelly And cups of coffee.
39574 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5921 Kevin For birthdays!
39575 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5921 Stanley More meetings and-
39576 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5921 Women E-Mail forms you made us read.
39577 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5921 All Nine million, nine hundred eighty six thousand minutes! That's like watching Die Hard, eighty thousand times!
39578 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5921 Meredith You hit me with your car!
39579 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5921 Ryan You helped me get off drugs!
39580 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5921 Creed I watch you when you sleep.
39581 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5921 Oscar I forgive you for kissing me!
39582 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5921 All Remember to, call. Call. Remember to, call. Call. Remember to, call. Call.
39583 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5921 Kelly, Erin Call, text or e-mail, or call.
39584 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5921 DeAngelo Measure your life in love!
39585 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5921 All Remember to call, remember to, call. Remember to call.
39586 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5922 Michael Yeah, okay. Well this is gonna hurt like a mother.
39587 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5923 DeAngelo Every day, millions of Americans suffer from extreme repulsiveness. Someone in our midst, is bringing that problem to light. Toby Flenderson, please come up here and accept the Extreme Repulsiveness Award. Oh that's so mean!
39588 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5923 Michael No it's not.
39589 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5923 Oscar It's his last Dundies.
39590 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5923 Jim You gotta play along man.
39591 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5923 Oscar Come on Toby.
39592 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5923 Michael Here he comes! Alright! You deserve it!
39593 7 21 Michael's Last Dundies 5923 Toby I really disagree with this. I think it's kind of hateful. Though I am a little happy right now to have a platform to talk about the outcome of a case I was recently a juror on. The Scranton Strangler. That man's being put to death. I was part of the verdict, and I'm not so sure he's guilty any more. : Ohhhh yeah! Chica chicaaa]
39594 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5924 Michael Well, I'm moving to Colorado to start my new life with Holly. Just up here, getting used to the altitude.
39595 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5924 Dwight Michael?
39596 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5924 Michael Yes?
39597 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5924 Dwight I've got a treat for you!
39598 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5924 Michael Ahh, thank you. Like a butler.
39599 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5924 Dwight Colorado specialty, Rocky Mountain Oysters.
39600 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5924 Michael Oh, these do not taste like oysters.
39601 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5924 Dwight That's because they're Not oysters, they're bull testicles! I cut them off fresh this morning! Hah!
39602 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5924 Michael Sick freak! What is wrong with you?
39603 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5924 Dwight What is wrong with you? I'm the sick freak? After what you did? You expect to be buttled? You didn't recommend me?!
39604 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5924 Michael I don't own Dunder Mifflin, okay? The job was not mine to give. Look, I need your advice on something. I am told that there are bears in the Rockies.
39605 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5924 Dwight Where did you hear that? Obvious XM Radio?
39606 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5924 Michael Well, I was just thinking that maybe I should keep a salami in my pocket...
39607 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5924 Dwight Great idea.
39608 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5924 Michael ...in order to feed the bears.
39609 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5924 Dwight Especially if you think that life would be better without Legs!
39610 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5924 Michael How do you mean?
39611 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5924 Dwight Black Bears can smell a salami at five miles Michael, what are you thinking?! And they run faster than a horse, so if you were thinking about outrunning one on a horse I would try a cheetah. You, in tight pants, Michael, are a salami to a Black Bear. Do you understand? You're like a giant walking salami!
39612 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5924 Michael Okay, so no salami in the pants. How about a pepperoni?
39613 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5924 Dwight Any kind of meat that you can possibly name!
39614 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5924 Michael Okay.
39615 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5925 DeAngelo You're not gonna take all these toys are you?
39616 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5925 Michael Hm?
39617 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5925 DeAngelo I mean you don't have a job lined up, so it's not like you have a desk to put 'em on.
39618 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5925 Michael Well I have interviews.
39619 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5925 DeAngelo That's nice. How 'bout that truck? Can I have this little truck? I was thinking I might... glue a stapler on top. Or put a hole here, stick pens in it. You okay?
39620 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5925 Michael Yes. Yes, you know what? Take my favorite truck. Sure.
39621 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5925 DeAngelo You know what? Uh, it's your last couple days, I'm gonna get out of your hair.
39622 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5925 Michael Oh you don't, that's-
39623 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5925 DeAngelo I will be in the break room.
39624 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5925 Michael That sounds good. Thank you.
39625 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5926 DeAngelo Dead man walking.
39626 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5927 Michael Sad? No, no, no. I don't leave 'til tomorrow, so... Tomorrow I will be a wreck.
39627 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5928 Gabe Stay away from Erin!
39628 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5928 Andy Hey!
39629 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5928 Gabe I'm your boss!
39630 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5928 Andy Why don't you, uh, stay away from me?
39631 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5928 Gabe No, I'm gonna stand where I want. Okay? You don't wanna get on my bad side! I've seen some horrible things! I own over two hundred horror movies!
39632 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5928 Andy Okay! That's so weird! Just go away!
39633 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5928 Gabe No! You go away!
39634 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5928 Andy Hi Tuna.
39635 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5929 Jim So you guys are filming people when they go to the bathroom now?
39636 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5930 Phyllis How about cupcakes?
39637 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5930 Angela Please.
39638 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5930 Pam What's wrong with cupcakes?
39639 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5930 Angela Everything.
39640 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5930 Michael There they are! Party Planning Committee together again!
39641 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5930 Pam Well we all wanted to plan your goodbye party. We thought this would be easier.
39642 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5931 Pam We thought.
39643 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5931 Angela It's an experiment.
39644 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5931 Phyllis The three of us have all been chairmen before.
39645 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5931 Pam So this is the dream team.
39646 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5931 Meredith Hey! What are you saying?!
39647 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5931 Angela The dream team... and Meredith.
39648 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5932 Meredith We decided on the ice cream. Mint chocolate chip, your favorite.
39649 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5932 Michael Mmm!
39650 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5932 Phyllis Yeah that was a surprise...
39651 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5932 Michael You know what, I'm thinking maybe we should get ice cream that everybody'll like. How about vanilla? Let's get vanilla.
39652 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5932 Pam Okay.
39653 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5932 Michael Tomorrow I want everyone to have a good time. No drama. And as for today, just a typical day. Alright?
39654 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5932 Pam Should we get toppings?
39655 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5932 Michael What do you like Pam?
39656 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5932 Pam What?
39657 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5932 Michael What kind of toppings would you like?
39658 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5932 Pam Hot fudge?
39659 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5932 Michael Sounds good. Fudge it up!
39660 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5933 Michael I bought this for myself. And yesterday, they gave me this. I still need something to drink out of though.
39661 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5934 Michael Attention everyone, before I leave tomorrow I would like to reveal a secret I have kept for over twenty years. A secret about Phyllis.
39662 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5934 Phyllis Please Michael.
39663 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5934 Michael When Phyllis was in high school, she was so... cute. And she still is.
39664 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5935 Phyllis I thought he knew about the baby I gave away.
39665 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5936 Phyllis Look Michael, it's a going away present so your hands won't get cold.
39666 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5936 Michael Ahh.
39667 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5936 Phyllis It's almost done, but you can't get them wet, and they can't be dry-cleaned either. You have to hand wash without water, wring-dry gently, and use a hairdryer on cool.
39668 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5936 Michael Sounds great, I just think it's great. Oh, I have gifts as well! And I will start, by giving the first gift to Phyllis! Phyllis, you are shy and sweet, and you don't often speak your mind, but you should. Because you have great ideas. So Phyllis, I am giving you this, so you can always remember to speak your mind.
39669 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5936 Phyllis It's cute.
39670 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5936 Michael Stanley, you love your Sudoku and your puzzles, I bestow upon you, my felt. May you never lose the fun loving quality in life.
39671 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5936 Stanley Where's the rest of it, it's got no balls.
39672 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5936 Michael Well, okay... And Andy, Andy who needs confidence that he is a great salesman. I give you, my clients, our ten most important accounts.
39673 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5936 Andy Wow.
39674 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5936 Stanley Yeah wow!
39675 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5936 Andy You know I'm the worst salesman here right?
39676 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5936 Michael But you're the best salesman, on the inside.
39677 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5936 Phyllis What does that even mean?
39678 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5936 Michael You sold us all on Andy, a product that nobody wanted.
39679 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5936 Andy I'm gonna lose 'em.
39680 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5936 Michael You're not gonna lose them.
39681 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5936 Andy I promise you that I will.
39682 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5936 Michael Just do your best! I have faith in you.
39683 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5936 Stanley Gimme those clients!
39684 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5936 Andy No.
39685 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5936 Phyllis Do you believe that?!
39686 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5937 Dwight I've given up expecting Michael to do the right thing. Or the decent thing. Or even the comprehensible thing.
39687 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5938 DeAngelo I used to be obese. Once you've conquered obesity, everything else is easy. Life literally moves in slow motion. I'm not saying I'm superman, but, let me just put it this way. If I were shot in the head, I'm pretty sure everything would be fine. I almost welcome it.
39688 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5939 Michael Kevin, I have something for you.
39689 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5939 Kevin Oh!
39690 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5939 Michael You know who that is?
39691 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5939 Kevin Oh...
39692 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5939 Michael Don't be a caricature Kevin, never be a caricature. How did that feel when I tore that up?
39693 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5939 Kevin Better...
39694 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5939 Michael Good, stand up. You will be thin. You Won't drool over pizza like an animal anymore.
39695 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5939 Kevin But...
39696 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5939 Michael You will find love.
39697 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5939 Kevin Michael, I'm pretty much okay with who I am now.
39698 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5939 Michael Don't be. You should never settle for who you are. Oscar, Oscar, Oscar! Oscar, you are-
39699 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5939 Andy I just lost Porter Hardware! I just, I lost 'em!
39700 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5939 Michael Okay, you know what? Just do your best buddy! Okay, Oscar, you are very smart, and you have a gigantic education. And, I think of you as my scarecrow, because you gave me a brain. So that's why I made you this.
39701 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5939 Oscar Thank you Michael. It's beautiful.
39702 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5940 Michael It looks like a It looks like it was made by a two year old monkey on a farm! He just accepted, accepted that I put all this work into it! He has the lowest opinion of me, of anybody!
39703 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5941 Michael Was it just me, or did you think that we were going to have s*x at some point?
39704 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5941 Angela It was just you...
39705 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5941 Michael How would you have wanted to do it? Okay, okay. You know what? Inappropriate. I am engaged happily, and you have landed yourself a Senator.
39706 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5941 Oscar State Senator.
39707 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5941 Michael Mmhmm, bravo!
39708 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5941 Oscar Brava!
39709 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5941 Angela You wanna see some pictures? I just got these.
39710 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5941 Michael Sure!
39711 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5941 Angela Uhm, these are, okay this is us at the theater. And antiquing! Oh, rollerblading.
39712 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5941 Michael Who's that? Who's that guy?
39713 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5941 Angela Oh, that's Thomas, Robert's aide.
39714 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5941 Michael I guess this could be the one, huh?
39715 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5941 Angela Yeah.
39716 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5942 Andy Hey.
39717 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5942 DeAngelo Hey!
39718 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5942 Andy I'm going to be dropping out on one of our biggest clients this afternoon and I could use some back up.
39719 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5942 DeAngelo Let's rip it up homes.
39720 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5943 Gabe Walk away bitch.
39721 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5944 Oscar Oh Michael! Where do you want your last pay check sent?
39722 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5944 Michael My last pay check?
39723 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5944 Oscar You have an address yet in Colorado?
39724 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5944 Michael No.
39725 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5944 Oscar What town do Holly's parents live in?
39726 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5944 Michael I'm not sure, um, Mountainton?
39727 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5944 Kevin Sounds beautiful!
39728 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5945 Pam You should do more stuff like that.
39729 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5945 Kevin I'm going to!
39730 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5945 Jim Hey! It's almost your last day, come sit with us.
39731 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5945 Michael Nah, I'm almost done.
39732 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5945 Jim You sure?
39733 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5945 Michael Yeah.
39734 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5945 Pam So I'm going to Carbondale this afternoon to get a new bulk shredder.
39735 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5945 Kevin Finally! That old shredder sucked.
39736 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5945 Pam It's a good shredder, it just keeps breaking.
39737 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5945 Kevin Yeah, it won't shred magazines.
39738 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5945 Pam It's not supposed to shred magazines Kevin.
39739 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5945 Kevin I know...
39740 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5945 Jim Did you break the shredder Kevin?
39741 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5945 Kevin No, it's just... that old shredder sucks. Just get one that'll shred magazines.
39742 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5945 Pam I don't think any of them are supposed to shred magazines.
39743 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5946 Michael I can't do this. All the channels are gonna be different there. I'm not gonna be able to find my shows. I'm not going to start improv at level one, and I don't think my credits will transfer. Ugh, and you know what? I just figured out where I was supposed to go to vote. I gotta call her, and I'm going to tell her, that I cannot come.
39744 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5946 Holly Hello there!
39745 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5946 Michael Hi. What is the name of our town?
39746 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5946 Holly Boulder. Is something wrong? Are you okay?
39747 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5946 Michael No, no. I just needed to hear your voice.
39748 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5946 Holly Oh you mean this?
39749 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5946 Michael Yes. Yes my hero!
39750 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5946 Holly I'll pay the rent! Okay, my mom's looking at me and she has no sense of humor. It's a joke mom!
39751 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5946 Michael Ohh, I miss you.
39752 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5946 Holly Well I'll see you tonight. I'll pick you up outside baggage claim.
39753 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5946 Michael Okay. I'll see you tonight. I love you.
39754 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5946 Holly I love you too.
39755 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5946 Michael Yes, so I know I told everybody that tomorrow is my last day, but I'm, I'm gonna be leaving tonight. I head to the airport at four. And I have said goodbye to half of them.
39756 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5947 Toby Well you know Michael, I have a brother in Boulder. Rory Flenderson. You should look him up.
39757 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5947 Michael Okay.
39758 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5947 Toby Okay.
39759 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5947 Michael Kelly! Kelly? Kelly.
39760 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5947 Kelly What?!
39761 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5947 Michael If I just went away right now, would that be the best gift that I could give you?
39762 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5947 Kelly Yes! Please! Please go away! And stop using that weird slow voice.
39763 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5948 Michael She was once my girl, and she is your girl now.
39764 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5948 Ryan Wow.
39765 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5948 Michael Yeah.
39766 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5948 Ryan This is... totally unnecessary.
39767 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5948 Michael You're not prone to seizures?
39768 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5948 Ryan No.
39769 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5949 Pam So Michael said we can do whatever we want cake-wise. What do we want?
39770 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5949 Meredith Erotic.
39771 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5949 Angela See? This is what happens. You can't let a stray dog into the house.
39772 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5949 Phyllis Hmm, let's hear here out. I would like to hear more about these cakes.
39773 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5949 Meredith I know these Ethiopians that run a cake shop.
39774 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5949 Angela Good God...
39775 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5949 Meredith They make these cakes, they're wild! I mean, they show everything!
39776 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5949 Pam I don't, I don't think we sh-
39777 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5949 Meredith I know what you're thinking, but it's not just black, they do it all. And the women on these cakes, they're not just guy's fantasies. They have real, full women. It is refreshing.
39778 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5949 Pam Okay, don't turn this into some feminist issue.
39779 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5949 Phyllis As a person who buys a lot of erotic cakes, it feels good to be represented on one.
39780 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5949 Pam You know what, I think we should get some other input.
39781 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5949 Kelly I think we should do cupcakes. I am one of the few people who looks hot eating a cupcake.
39782 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5949 Phyllis Yeah, cupcakes. That's what I said.
39783 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5949 Angela No! I'm not cleaning up a bunch of uneaten cupcake bottoms! You know, we don't really care about your opinion. You're just a tie-breaker.
39784 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5950 Michael Um, Pam.
39785 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5950 Pam Oh, hey Michael! I'm just going to go to Carbondale to price some shredders. I'll see you later.
39786 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5950 Michael Okay...
39787 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5951 Erin Gabe!
39788 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5951 Gabe I need to talk to you!
39789 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5951 Erin You can't be in here. This is a lady's room!
39790 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5951 Abe Erin, I respect your privacy, but I will follow you in here everytime you go if that's what it takes.
39791 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5951 Erin Hey Creed.
39792 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5951 Creed Not cool man.
39793 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5951 Erin I really think you should leave.
39794 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5951 Gabe Someday, you are going to tell our grandchildren about how their grandfather won you back in a women's room.
39795 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5951 Erin Can we talk about this later, I have to go.
39796 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5951 Gabe Just read the letter under your windshield wiper, it explains everything. Quick one.
39797 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5951 Erin Gabe!
39798 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5951 Gabe Okay...
39799 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5952 Toby Here's the thing Rory, I knew you guys would hit it off in an odd way.
39800 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5952 Rory I can bring him a welcome basket. I'll surprise him.
39801 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5952 Toby Do- Well you should give him a little time to settle in. But-
39802 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5952 Rory Does he like jams? My shelves are over flowing with preserves.
39803 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5952 Toby Well, no. He hates jams.
39804 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5953 Michael Darryl!
39805 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5953 Darryl Hey.
39806 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5953 Michael I would like to give you, the only copy, of Somehow I Manage. Unfinished. If there's anyone here who can finish it, it's you.
39807 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5953 Darryl That's sweet Mike. Let's see here. There's a chapter, called Gum. With one sentence. Everybody likes the guy who offers him a stick of gum.
39808 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5953 Michael Mmmhmmm. It's true. Darryl, I have one last wish. I would like to use the bailer.
39809 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5953 Darryl No. Can't let you do that Mike.
39810 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5953 Michael No problem. Worth a try.
39811 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5954 Michael Darryl said I could use the bailer because I'm leaving.
39812 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5954 Warehouse Guy No.
39813 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5954 Michael Alright guys, well... see ya later warehouse. Catch you on the flippity flip.
39814 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5955 DeAngelo okay, so what's our approach? You a veteran? Do I have a month to live? You gonna get married tomorrow? What? Hmm?
39815 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5955 Andy I thought we'd just talk about our customer service and exceptional paper quality.
39816 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5955 DeAngelo That's stupid.
39817 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5955 Andy What do I know?
39818 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5955 DeAngelo What do you know? We gotta get psyched up! Okay? Guy? Let's get psyched! Is there an animal shelter on the way?
39819 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5955 Andy Yeah.
39820 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5955 DeAngelo Awesome! Ani Ani Shelto! Here we come. Do you know how to high-five?
39821 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5955 Andy Yeah!
39822 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5955 DeAngelo 'Cause if you do now's the time.
39823 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5955 Andy Alright.
39824 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5955 DeAngelo Not while I'm driving.
39825 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5956 Michael Catch you guys- Catch you guys on the filippity flip. Flippity flip! Flippity flip! Really? Okay, see ya guys!
39826 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5957 DeAngelo You know how I met Jo Bennett? And got started on my ladder of success?
39827 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5957 Andy No. I don't.
39828 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5957 DeAngelo I'm walking along, out of work. Again. Thinking to myself, 'I only have enough cash to by a sandwich, or get drunk. And I see this guy trying to steal this lady's dog! So I grab the dog. He runs off. She's so grateful, she hires me.
39829 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5957 Andy Awwhh, wow.
39830 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5957 DeAngelo Gimme that dog! That's not your dog! Yeah! Again.
39831 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5957 Andy Oh, okay...
39832 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5957 DeAngelo Gimme that damn dog you f***ing thief! Don't ever do It again! You hear me?! You feel that energy?
39833 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5957 Andy Mmhmmm.
39834 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5957 Deangelo Wooo! Yeah! Okay, again.
39835 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5958 Erin I know that Gabe is young, and hot and everything. And he's begging me to reconsider, but I... I just think I'm in love with someone else.
39836 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5958 Michael Kevin?
39837 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5958 Erin Andy.
39838 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5958 Michael Ahhhh...
39839 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5958 Erin I wish I knew who my birth mother was, so she could just tell me who to choose.
39840 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5958 Michael Maybe neither.
39841 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5958 Erin I'm not attracted to Kevin.
39842 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5958 Michael Erin, listen to me. You shouldn't rush into this. At all. And you know why? Because you are beautiful. And you are fun. And you are smart. And when the right guy comes along, you'll know it. You will. And you know what? You don't need a mom. Because you have my number, and you can call me anytime.
39843 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5958 Erin Extension 147.
39844 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5958 Michael N-
39845 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5958 Erin I know.
39846 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5958 Michael Okay.
39847 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5959 Phyllis You want the 27-26 or the 27-30?
39848 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5959 Michael Phyllis. Phyllis, are my mittens done?
39849 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5959 Phyllis No. I'm on a sale!
39850 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5959 Michael Listen to me. It's two p.m. From now until four, your priority is knitting. Knit like the wind.
39851 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5959 Phyllis Okay...
39852 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5959 Michael Dwight, I will be leaving tomorrow.
39853 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5959 Dwight Yes.
39854 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5959 Michael So I wanted to give you that. It's a letter of recommendation.
39855 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5960 Dwight This is gonna be good. To whom it may concern. Good, real personal. Thanks Michael. The dictionary defines superlative as: of the highest kind, quality, or order, surpassing all else, or others. Supreme. That's great, if I wanted the dictionary definition I'd buy a dictionary. I define it as Dwight Schrute. As a sales executive, as a leader, as a man, and as a friend, he is of the highest kind, quality, and order. Supreme. Lot's more like that, really repetitive. What's this? Two forty five, behind the building. Paintball. Ohhh, yeah.
39856 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5961 DeAngelo I would just like to start off saying, I have not worked with Mr. Andy Bernard for very long, I can say, is that he is no Michael Scott. I can't sit here and tell you he's gonna be a success. I can't sit here and tell you that he's even the best man for the job. But I can say this: He's got potential. Sure. You know, I always say: go big, or go home. You go with This guy, you could be making the biggest mistake of your life, OR, the biggest, Good decision of your life. It's either gonna be the best thing you ever did, or the worst thing you ever did. If you want some boring, white bread clock-watcher who's gonna get you your paper when you ordered it, for the agreed upon price, Andy's not your guy. You ever play Russian Roulette? Time to spin the chamber horse. By signing up for another year.
39857 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5962 Jim Ahh, what happened to you?
39858 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5962 Michael You should see the other guy.
39859 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5962 Michael Jim where is Pam?
39860 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5962 Jim Uhh, she's still pricing the whatevers. The shredders.
39861 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5962 Michael But it is already three o'clock!
39862 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5963 Michael Whether you're scared of dying, or dying Alone, or dying drunk in a ditch. Don't be. It's going to be okay.
39863 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5964 Michael Yeah I was tripling up. There's not enough time in the day to have a special moment with everybody.
39864 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5965 Michael And you, why are you still here.
39865 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5965 Gabe I'm either going to quit today, or stay to make sure that Andy's career is destroyed.
39866 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5965 Michael No, you are not going to quit today. For goodness sake, this is not going to be your last day in the office. Everybody gets dumped Gabe. Can I give you a piece of advice? A little cover-up on your Adam's apple will make it appear smaller, and make you look less like a transvestite.
39867 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5966 DeAngelo That is cold sir! Absolutely cold. You know what? It was a complete waste of my time.
39868 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5966 Andy Uh DeAngelo, I'm, uh. I forgot my bag, so I'll meet you in the car.
39869 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5966 DeAngelo Okay whatever.
39870 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5966 Andy Sir, I'd just like to apologize, for that. I could tell you that he has a steel plate in his head, or that he's crazy, but the truth is I think he's just a terrible salesman. And I want you to know, that if you re-up with us, anything you need, day or night, I will be the one to take your call.
39871 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5966 Client Keep talking.
39872 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5967 DeAngelo Yes. Okay, alright. No, well thank you! Alright, take care. You'll never guess, we did it!
39873 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5967 Andy Hey! Good job boss!
39874 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5967 DeAngelo We did it!
39875 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5968 Michael Okay, everybody come on. Conference room five seconds! Let's go! Hurry up, let's do this!
39876 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Stanley Yes, what is this about?
39877 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Michael What is this meeting about?
39878 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Stanley Mmhmmm.
39879 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Michael Okay, here we are in the conference room. Once again. And I just wanted to call you all here, together, because I have something important. Well there's two things actually. Okay first, I would like a whereabouts on Pam. And secondly, Phyllis how are those mittens coming? Because I would actually like to bring them home and pack them. I'm leaving for the day at four.
39880 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Phyllis They're almost done but my knuckles are swelling a little and-
39881 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Michael Well power through the arthritis Phyllis you can do it!
39882 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Stanley Is that it?
39883 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Michael Umm, hmm?
39884 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Stanley Is that it?
39885 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Michael Ummm... Hm... No. No. There's a special guest that I would like to invite to say one last goodbye. So here he comes, he's coming right in. Oh hi everybody, it's Ping! And I'm here to say goodbye to all you wonderful people! Thank you everybody! You've been so wonderful! I ruv you all! I ruv you very much!
39886 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Jim Hey, can I talk to you for a second?
39887 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Michael Sure. Be right out!
39888 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Jim So I've been meaning to tell ya, I wanna take you out for lunch. For your last day.
39889 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Michael Ohh...
39890 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Jim What do you think? Tomorrow? Lunch, you and me?
39891 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Michael Okay...
39892 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Jim You're not leaving tomorrow. You're leaving today right?
39893 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Michael Maybe.
39894 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Jim Wow, so that's it huh? Just, four o'clock and you are gone for good.
39895 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Michael Why am I so sad? Am I doing the wrong thing?
39896 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Jim Absolutely not. It's just that sometimes... goodbyes are a bitch.
39897 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Michael T-Shirt idea, goodbyes stink. Okay, alright. So. James Halpert. You started with this company, as a fine young man...
39898 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Jim You know what I think we should do? I think we should just save the goodbyes for tomorrow. At lunch.
39899 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Michael Oh, okay.
39900 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Jim And then tomorrow, I can tell you... what a great boss, you turned out to be. The best boss I ever had.
39901 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Michael Oh shoot! That's my cab.
39902 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Jim Alright.
39903 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Michael Alright.
39904 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Jim Listen Michael, I really... I did text Pam, but...
39905 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Michael I know, it's okay. Just, give her a hug. Alright?
39906 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Jim I will see you, tomorrow at lunch.
39907 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Michael I am looking forward to lunch. And hearing about what a great boss I am.
39908 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Jim You got it.
39909 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Michael Okay... Phyllis.
39910 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Phyllis Oh no, they're still not done.
39911 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Michael No no no, let me see. Oh Phyllis, nice try. I love 'em.
39912 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Creed See ya tomorrow boss!
39913 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5969 Michael Later guys.
39914 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5970 Michael Got almost everybody. So... Holly's my family now. She's my family. The babies that I make with her, will be my children. The people that you work with, are just... when you get down to it... your very best friends. They say, on your deathbed, you never wish you spent more time at the office. But I will. Gotta be a lot better than a deathbed. I actually don't understand deathbeds. I mean, who would buy that?
39915 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5971 Michael Well, I guess this is it. Hey will you guys let me know if this ever airs? Thank you. Alright... Oh! This is gonna feel so good, getting this thing off my chest. That's what she said!
39916 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5972 Pam No he wasn't sad. He was full of hope. About Colorado, and he was hoping to get an upgrade as an award's member. And he said he was just real excited to get home and see Holly.
39917 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5973 DeAngelo Well if he's not gonna make it at least we should go ahead and eat the cake. I for one love the corners. Why'd I just do that? It's not even that good. I don't even want it. I had cake for lunch. No, you know what? I've been good. I deserve this. What am I doing? Come on DeAngelo!
39918 7 22 Goodbye, Michael 5973 Dwight Uh oh...
39919 7 23 The Inner Circle 5974 Deangelo So, coasting time is officially over. Big changes are comin', and they're comin' fast. If you don't like 'em, this is called a door. You can walk right through it. Alright. I'm not here to be your friend. I like my life outside of this place. I live to leave at 5. Change number one: Darryl. Per your request, the company is sending you to business school at night. Full ride. Deal with it.
39920 7 23 The Inner Circle 5974 Darryl Seriously?
39921 7 23 The Inner Circle 5974 Deangelo Stone cold seriously.
39922 7 23 The Inner Circle 5975 Deangelo They are trying to figure me out. And I don't like it. Once they figure me out, they start to tell me what I want to hear. And I need to quickly figure out who's a good worker and who is simply a good mind reader. Because as soon as I'm hearing what I want to hear, I'm not gonna care.
39923 7 23 The Inner Circle 5976 Deangelo Change two, Toby, you're gettin' a new chair.
39924 7 23 The Inner Circle 5976 Toby Thanks.
39925 7 23 The Inner Circle 5976 Deangelo Don't thank me! Hey, don't thank me, guy! Okay? And I don't care if you like it.
39926 7 23 The Inner Circle 5976 Oscar These sound like good ideas, why wouldn't we like them?
39927 7 23 The Inner Circle 5976 Deangelo I don't care what your favorite flavor is. Here's a bowl of ice cream. You either like it or you don't. That's my attitude right now in this room, that's my attitude on Ice Cream Thursdays. Alright? Clear? Any questions?
39928 7 23 The Inner Circle 5976 Kevin This all sounds great to me. But I could see how some people might think that they're bad. I don't know what to think.
39929 7 23 The Inner Circle 5976 Deangelo That is a s-- astute observation, Kevin.
39930 7 23 The Inner Circle 5977 Deangelo Kev's got me pegged.
39931 7 23 The Inner Circle 5978 Deangelo It blows away Vermont in the fall.
39932 7 23 The Inner Circle 5978 Darryl Snap, for real?
39933 7 23 The Inner Circle 5978 Pam Good morning, Deangelo.
39934 7 23 The Inner Circle 5978 Deangelo Hold on.
39935 7 23 The Inner Circle 5978 Pam Okay.
39936 7 23 The Inner Circle 5978 Deangelo And if you're really serious, you should go in the spring.
39937 7 23 The Inner Circle 5978 Pam Because of the flowers.
39938 7 23 The Inner Circle 5978 Deangelo No. Because the entire state smells like Earth.
39939 7 23 The Inner Circle 5978 Pam Dogwoods, or just the Earth.
39940 7 23 The Inner Circle 5978 Deangelo Yes, Pam.
39941 7 23 The Inner Circle 5978 Pam Hey, well, good morning. I think I have good news for you today. I found your new executive assistant. My friend Carla. She's got great experience. We even considered making her Cece's godmother, but she had this boyfriend at the time-- but here's her resume.
39942 7 23 The Inner Circle 5978 Deangelo Put it with the rest.
39943 7 23 The Inner Circle 5978 Pam Okay.
39944 7 23 The Inner Circle 5979 Deangelo Hey dudes!
39945 7 23 The Inner Circle 5979 Jim Hey!
39946 7 23 The Inner Circle 5979 Andy Hey!
39947 7 23 The Inner Circle 5979 Pam Oh my God, he hates me!
39948 7 23 The Inner Circle 5979 Jim No he doesn't. You just get so nervous and hyper around him.
39949 7 23 The Inner Circle 5979 Pam I know.
39950 7 23 The Inner Circle 5979 Jim Every time there's a silence, your brain's like "Heh-heh-huh-huh" .
39951 7 23 The Inner Circle 5979 Pam Is that what he tells you at your little inner circle meetings?
39952 7 23 The Inner Circle 5979 Jim Careful. There is no inner circle.
39953 7 23 The Inner Circle 5980 Andy Oh, there's an inner circle. Oh yeah.
39954 7 23 The Inner Circle 5981 Jim There is no inner circle. Deangelo just prefers to delegate a few things, to a few guys.
39955 7 23 The Inner Circle 5982 Kevin Jim only says that because he's in the inner circle. I also say that because I am also in the inner circle. Did you get that, Ma? Your boy, Kevin Malone, is IN the inner circle! Which doesn't exist.
39956 7 23 The Inner Circle 5983 Deangelo There he is! Got ya coffee.
39957 7 23 The Inner Circle 5983 Dwight Oh, wow, thank you. That was so kind of you.
39958 7 23 The Inner Circle 5983 Deangelo Not a coffee guy, I take it.
39959 7 23 The Inner Circle 5983 Dwight It's just that I own the coffee shop. So, once you've seen sausage being made, all you want to do is make sausage, because it's so much fun.
39960 7 23 The Inner Circle 5983 Deangelo Listen. I've got a sixer. "Automatic for the People" on the jukebox. Let's hit the park after sundown. Come on! Pick up some sausage if you want.
39961 7 23 The Inner Circle 5983 Dwight I think you'll find what you're looking for over there.
39962 7 23 The Inner Circle 5984 Deangelo No matter how many times I reach out to Dwight, he doesn't seem to want anything to do with me. It reminds me of my relationship with my son. Except there, I'm the Dwight.
39963 7 23 The Inner Circle 5985 Deangelo Who's the biggest client in the state? I say we go get 'em, whatever it takes. Huh? What do you guys say?
39964 7 23 The Inner Circle 5985 Kevin Yes!
39965 7 23 The Inner Circle 5985 Deangelo Right! Or my other idea, 50,000 tiny clients.
39966 7 23 The Inner Circle 5985 Kevin Yeah, I say we just go for it!
39967 7 23 The Inner Circle 5985 Deangelo Is that ball lighter than usual? Is that a Chinatown knockoff?
39968 7 23 The Inner Circle 5985 Jim That's Toys R Us, I think.
39969 7 23 The Inner Circle 5985 Deangelo No, that's definitely a knockoff. You can feel the center of gravity's off. Feel that. What do you think?
39970 7 23 The Inner Circle 5985 Gabe Oh, yeah, totally. Jim, you got ripped off big time.
39971 7 23 The Inner Circle 5985 Deangelo Deangelo! See what I did there? That's what you need to do. It's that little English. The British are coming.
39972 7 23 The Inner Circle 5985 Kevin Yes.
39973 7 23 The Inner Circle 5985 Deangelo Deangelo's open!
39974 7 23 The Inner Circle 5986 Deangelo Hey Ry. Your department's killing it, baby.
39975 7 23 The Inner Circle 5986 Ryan Hey hey, my pleasure, my treasure.
39976 7 23 The Inner Circle 5986 Deangelo Keep it up.
39977 7 23 The Inner Circle 5987 Ryan The problem with having "It" or "the X-factor" or whatever it is you want to call it, is that it's impossible to put into words what you're bringing to the table. So to make things simpler for Deangelo, I just, without lying, strongly implied that I'm Kelly's supervisor. It's not even that much of a stretch. She pretty much does whatever I say.
39978 7 23 The Inner Circle 5988 Kelly What?
39979 7 23 The Inner Circle 5988 Ryan I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...
39980 7 23 The Inner Circle 5988 Kelly Why should I pretend that you are my boss?
39981 7 23 The Inner Circle 5988 Ryan Because what would you have done in that situation, Kelly? I'll tell you what I would have done for you. I'd lie for you.
39982 7 23 The Inner Circle 5988 Kelly Yeah, but you lie all the time. You lie for no reason. Ryan, you just like to lie.
39983 7 23 The Inner Circle 5988 Ryan I'd die for you too.
39984 7 23 The Inner Circle 5988 Kelly You really would?
39985 7 23 The Inner Circle 5988 Ryan Hey, Kelly Kapoor, if I don't have those call logs on my desk, we're just gonna have to evaluate your future at the company!
39986 7 23 The Inner Circle 5988 Kelly Sure thing, Mr. Howard.
39987 7 23 The Inner Circle 5988 Deangelo Woo. Glad he's not my boss.
39988 7 23 The Inner Circle 5988 Ryan You're the best. Thank you.
39989 7 23 The Inner Circle 5989 Deangelo You know I have a cousin who cracked the secret formula for a certain popular cola that I shall not name. So I've never had to buy it. True story. I just drink my cousin's.
39990 7 23 The Inner Circle 5989 Dwight Congratulations on your one cousin. I have seventy. Each one better than the last.
39991 7 23 The Inner Circle 5989 Deangelo You know what... straight up, why don't you like me?
39992 7 23 The Inner Circle 5989 Dwight I'm just not a suck-up like everyone else around here. Okay? I do my job well, so why don't you just leave me alone and let me do it. Okay?
39993 7 23 The Inner Circle 5989 Deangelo Ohhhh no.
39994 7 23 The Inner Circle 5989 Dwight What?
39995 7 23 The Inner Circle 5989 Deangelo Okay? I'm gonna win you over.
39996 7 23 The Inner Circle 5989 Dwight No you're not.
39997 7 23 The Inner Circle 5989 Deangelo Yes I am.
39998 7 23 The Inner Circle 5989 Dwight No.
39999 7 23 The Inner Circle 5989 Deangelo Oh yes.
40000 7 23 The Inner Circle 5989 Dwight No.
40001 7 23 The Inner Circle 5989 Deangelo Yes.
40002 7 23 The Inner Circle 5989 Dwight No.
40003 7 23 The Inner Circle 5989 Deangelo Yes.
40004 7 23 The Inner Circle 5989 Dwight No.
40005 7 23 The Inner Circle 5989 Deangelo Yes.
40006 7 23 The Inner Circle 5989 Dwight No.
40007 7 23 The Inner Circle 5989 Deangelo Yes.
40008 7 23 The Inner Circle 5989 Dwight No.
40009 7 23 The Inner Circle 5989 Deangelo Yes. Yes-yes-yes-yes-yes yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes-yes!
40010 7 23 The Inner Circle 5990 Jim Uh oh, this former administrative assistant misspelled "administrative" and "assistant."
40011 7 23 The Inner Circle 5990 Darryl The winner: under "Special Skills," Mr. Don Feiner put "Juggling."
40012 7 23 The Inner Circle 5990 Deangelo What's wrong with juggling, Darryl? I'm a big juggler. I actually perform a motivational juggling routine.
40013 7 23 The Inner Circle 5990 Jim Seriously?
40014 7 23 The Inner Circle 5990 Deangelo Oh yeah. I'd do it for you here, but uh, what would you say this room is, 300 square feet? 320?
40015 7 23 The Inner Circle 5990 Gabe 320. Just freeballin' it.
40016 7 23 The Inner Circle 5990 Deangelo It's a little cramped. How many square feet out there? 17, 18 hundo?
40017 7 23 The Inner Circle 5990 Kevin Oh, I think it's 18 hundo.
40018 7 23 The Inner Circle 5990 Gabe Give or take.
40019 7 23 The Inner Circle 5991 Deangelo Sorry gang. Thought my juggling stuff was in the trunk of my car. It's not.
40020 7 23 The Inner Circle 5991 Pam Oh no, do you think it was stolen?
40021 7 23 The Inner Circle 5991 Andy I gotcha covered, boss. Used to play with the parabolas myself. Got some extra balls! Hey-hey-hey-ho!
40022 7 23 The Inner Circle 5991 Deangelo Sorry, I never touch another juggler's instruments. You know, we're all here, I've got the music cued, why don't I just do my routine without the juggling balls? Prepare... to go into the danger zone.
40023 7 23 The Inner Circle 5991 Pam Oh wow, you weren't kidding.
40024 7 23 The Inner Circle 5991 Deangelo No. Never. Can someone please throw me a fifth ball? If you dare! Incoming! And we're on! Remember, nothing's impossible! Phyllis, where's Phyllis?
40025 7 23 The Inner Circle 5991 Phyllis Here.
40026 7 23 The Inner Circle 5991 Deangelo Do you believe in me, Phyllis?
40027 7 23 The Inner Circle 5991 Phyllis Yeah.
40028 7 23 The Inner Circle 5991 Deangelo Because I believe in you.
40029 7 23 The Inner Circle 5991 Phyllis Okay.
40030 7 23 The Inner Circle 5991 Deangelo Feel that connection? Don't move your head. Please. Thank you. Oh! Big hand for Phyllis! That took a lot of guts! Ho! I'm Deangelo Vickers, thank you so much, hope you learned something.
40031 7 23 The Inner Circle 5991 Kevin Didn't drop a single ball!
40032 7 23 The Inner Circle 5992 Pam Look. I'm juggling eggs and bowling balls. I'm juggling with one hand. No hands.
40033 7 23 The Inner Circle 5992 Jim What could he possibly stand to gain from a fake juggling routine?
40034 7 23 The Inner Circle 5992 Pam What could he possibly stand to gain from a real juggling routine? How can you keep defending him?
40035 7 23 The Inner Circle 5992 Jim He's good at his job. And I like working for him.
40036 7 23 The Inner Circle 5992 Angela Of course you do, Jim. You're a man. Deangelo is a huge sexist.
40037 7 23 The Inner Circle 5992 Andy Whoa, whoa, whoa. I think if he was sexist, I'd be able to tell. I took a crapload of women's studies courses at Cornell. And I wrote my own companion piece to the "v*g1n* Monologues" called the "pen1s Apologies." So I know a thing or two.
40038 7 23 The Inner Circle 5992 Angela Okay. Then how about I'm the head of the Accounting Department, but he only ever talks to Kevin? What about Pam and Kelly? Also department heads. But has he ever met with you or even asked you to do anything?
40039 7 23 The Inner Circle 5992 Andy How could I not see it? You're so right.
40040 7 23 The Inner Circle 5992 Pam Why don't you talk to him about it?
40041 7 23 The Inner Circle 5992 Jim And say what? "Hey Deangelo, are you shy or just a sexist?"
40042 7 23 The Inner Circle 5992 Pam Why don't you just tell him how his actions are being perceived by the women in this office?
40043 7 23 The Inner Circle 5992 Jim Mmm-hmm.
40044 7 23 The Inner Circle 5992 Andy And if he doesn't listen, then he can kiss his pen1s goodbye. Snip snip. Am I right, girls?
40045 7 23 The Inner Circle 5993 Jim Hey, you got a second?
40046 7 23 The Inner Circle 5993 Deangelo Yeah, I got tons of time. This job's a joke.
40047 7 23 The Inner Circle 5994 Deangelo So what's up?
40048 7 23 The Inner Circle 5994 Jim Umm, really, it's nothing, I was just talking to Angela, and she was --
40049 7 23 The Inner Circle 5994 Darryl Hey, saw Jim come in. We meeting?
40050 7 23 The Inner Circle 5994 Deangelo Yeah sure. Let's make it a meeting.
40051 7 23 The Inner Circle 5994 Jim If it's alright, can I just have like one minute alone, just to go over --
40052 7 23 The Inner Circle 5994 Deangelo What's the big secret? Why are you even whispering? Come on, it's the guys!
40053 7 23 The Inner Circle 5994 Jim I know. Just the guys. Well, maybe that's, uh, part of the problem. I think...so what happened was, I was talking with some of the department heads. Uh, some of the female department heads.
40054 7 23 The Inner Circle 5994 Deangelo Uh-oh. Right?
40055 7 23 The Inner Circle 5994 Kevin Hot!
40056 7 23 The Inner Circle 5994 Jim Maybe there's a vibe out there, with certain members of the office, that you are...a little sexist, or --
40057 7 23 The Inner Circle 5994 Darryl Damn!
40058 7 23 The Inner Circle 5994 Jim Whoa. Whoa. Wait.
40059 7 23 The Inner Circle 5994 Deangelo Are you serious? Who feels this way?
40060 7 23 The Inner Circle 5994 Jim Oh. Like nobody.
40061 7 23 The Inner Circle 5994 Gabe Umm, Pam?
40062 7 23 The Inner Circle 5994 Jim It was --
40063 7 23 The Inner Circle 5994 Gabe Was it Pam?
40064 7 23 The Inner Circle 5994 Kevin That sounds like Pam. You know how she gets. Deangelo, she can get really bitchy. Kevin...
40065 7 23 The Inner Circle 5994 Deangelo Guys. Hold on. Doesn't matter who, okay? I'm just happy that Jim brought it to my attention because honestly, I had - I had no idea.
40066 7 23 The Inner Circle 5994 Jim That's awesome.
40067 7 23 The Inner Circle 5994 Deangelo Thank you.
40068 7 23 The Inner Circle 5995 Kelly Mom, Ryan's taking us out to dinner tonight. No, no, he's not going to stand us up like he did last time. He won't ever stand us up again.
40069 7 23 The Inner Circle 5996 Ryan So I am the new customer service supervisor.
40070 7 23 The Inner Circle 5996 Kelly When Deangelo's around.
40071 7 23 The Inner Circle 5996 Ryan And I am also a very dutiful boyfriend when --
40072 7 23 The Inner Circle 5996 Kelly All the time.
40073 7 23 The Inner Circle 5996 Ryan All the time.
40074 7 23 The Inner Circle 5997 Deangelo Erin, do you mind running down to the lobby and bringing up my brand new executive assistant?
40075 7 23 The Inner Circle 5997 Erin Absolutely.
40076 7 23 The Inner Circle 5997 Jim Hey, who'd you end up hiring?
40077 7 23 The Inner Circle 5997 Deangelo Oh, I'm glad you asked, Jim. Because apparently there's a rumor running around here that I am a sexist. I can't work here effectively if you guys think I'm something that I am not. I am not a sexist. Raise your hand if you have a v*g1n*. Raise your hand if someone you love has a v*g1n*. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Just about everyone. What about Deangelo's hand? Oh wow. He's got 'em both up. Yeah. Uh huh. Yeah, so it bothers me when I hear that there's gossip around here that I treat women lesser than men. Okay? Frankly, we all look a little ridiculous when that happens.
40078 7 23 The Inner Circle 5997 Phyllis I'm not a feminist, but I think that the men in this office are being given chances that the women aren't.
40079 7 23 The Inner Circle 5997 Deangelo Dwight, what's your take?
40080 7 23 The Inner Circle 5997 Dwight What's the argument here? NBA, WNBA. One is a sport, one is a joke. I love sports, I love jokes. Room for all.
40081 7 23 The Inner Circle 5997 Deangelo Man, you're smart. Oh, hey! Hi! Hello. Welcome. Uh, everyone, I'd like you to please welcome Jordan Garfield. This is everyone.
40082 7 23 The Inner Circle 5997 Jordan Hello.
40083 7 23 The Inner Circle 5997 Pam So, Jordan, uh, where did you work before? Uh, a law office?
40084 7 23 The Inner Circle 5997 Jordan No, Anthropology. We don't have this in that size, pretty lame.
40085 7 23 The Inner Circle 5997 Kelly Lame? You worked at Anthropology?
40086 7 23 The Inner Circle 5997 Jordan Yeah.
40087 7 23 The Inner Circle 5997 Kelly That's like my dream job. How did you even get that job?
40088 7 23 The Inner Circle 5997 Jordan Well, I umm -
40089 7 23 The Inner Circle 5997 Kelly You chose this job over that job?
40090 7 23 The Inner Circle 5997 Ryan Okay, okay, back to work, Kelly, we have a lot to get done today.
40091 7 23 The Inner Circle 5997 Pam So, umm, is this your first office job then?
40092 7 23 The Inner Circle 5997 Jordan Yeah.
40093 7 23 The Inner Circle 5997 Deangelo Yup.
40094 7 23 The Inner Circle 5997 Pam Wow.
40095 7 23 The Inner Circle 5997 Deangelo No corporate experience whatsoever. I didn't want anyone with any bad habits.
40096 7 23 The Inner Circle 5998 Kevin Jim, you coming?
40097 7 23 The Inner Circle 5998 Jim Oh yeah, did he text us?
40098 7 23 The Inner Circle 5998 Kevin Yeah.
40099 7 23 The Inner Circle 5998 Dwight No!
40100 7 23 The Inner Circle 5998 Pam Jim, what are you doing? Get in there. This is not the time to take a stand. At least he likes one of us.
40101 7 23 The Inner Circle 5998 Jim He didn't text me.
40102 7 23 The Inner Circle 5998 Andy Yes! I'm in.
40103 7 23 The Inner Circle 5998 Angela Andy, what are you doing?
40104 7 23 The Inner Circle 5998 Andy I'm going in, into the belly of the beast. Gonna infiltrate and change from within. What's up, mancave!
40105 7 23 The Inner Circle 5998 Pam Just go in. Just go in, he probably forgot to text you.
40106 7 23 The Inner Circle 5999 Deangelo Internally, for office use where do we get our paper from? Do we go -
40107 7 23 The Inner Circle 5999 Jim Don't worry, the first day's always the hardest.
40108 7 23 The Inner Circle 5999 Deangelo Hey Jim.
40109 7 23 The Inner Circle 5999 Jim Yeah.
40110 7 23 The Inner Circle 5999 Deangelo Can I help you?
40111 7 23 The Inner Circle 5999 Jim Nope. Just... Okay.
40112 7 23 The Inner Circle 6000 Dwight So, he kicked you out of the inner circle, huh?
40113 7 23 The Inner Circle 6000 Jim Well, there is no inner...circle.
40114 7 23 The Inner Circle 6001 Jordan Dwight? Deangelo wanted me to ask you if there's anything I can help you with.
40115 7 23 The Inner Circle 6001 Dwight Really? Anything.
40116 7 23 The Inner Circle 6001 Jordan Do you need anything?
40117 7 23 The Inner Circle 6001 Dwight Deangelo, tell your whore to leave me alone.
40118 7 23 The Inner Circle 6002 Andy Okay, I do not want to waste your time, so I will keep this br-r-r-r-r-r-ief. Now, word on the street is, Mercy Hospital, back on the market. Deangelo would like you to put together a sales pitch for next week. Deangelo has also recently learned about the Barnacle Project. Which is a non-profit organization based in Mystic, Connecticut that assists in the scraping of barnacles --
40119 7 23 The Inner Circle 6003 Jim So this is my life. Until I win the lottery . Or Pam finally writes that series of young adult books.
40120 7 23 The Inner Circle 6004 Pam So one afternoon, while walking home from school, quirky 10th grader Becky Walters finds a wounded Pegasus in the woods. And she becomes...The Horse Flyer.
40121 7 23 The Inner Circle 6005 Ryan Hey! Kelly, that's the last time I'm gonna talk to you about your paycheck! Okay? We pay you a fair salary here, and if you're only here for the money, maybe you shouldn't be here at all.
40122 7 23 The Inner Circle 6005 Deangelo No one likes a money grubber.
40123 7 23 The Inner Circle 6005 Kelly I'm sorry, Mr. Howard, I apologize for grubbing for money. I can't do this. I can't do this. I'm sorry. I just can't do it. Deangelo, Ryan is not my boss. Okay? Frankly, he hasn't had a real job here in years.
40124 7 23 The Inner Circle 6005 Deangelo Ohh.
40125 7 23 The Inner Circle 6005 Ryan Oh, that's hilarious, Kelly.
40126 7 23 The Inner Circle 6005 Kelly No, he's just a big fraud, Deangelo. He's like Rango. He doesn't work here, basically. Just like the way Rango didn't save those animals. It was just a big misunderstanding.
40127 7 23 The Inner Circle 6005 Deangelo Is this true, Ryan?
40128 7 23 The Inner Circle 6005 Ryan I did not see Rango.
40129 7 23 The Inner Circle 6005 Deangelo Okay, I don't have time for this he said-she said.
40130 7 23 The Inner Circle 6005 Kelly He's not saying anything!
40131 7 23 The Inner Circle 6005 Deangelo It's too murky. I like Ryan. You seem kind of hysterical to me. Ryan's your supervisor. Let's just leave it that way.
40132 7 23 The Inner Circle 6005 Kelly That's not fair, I mean, I've been working here for such a long ti--
40133 7 23 The Inner Circle 6005 Ryan Oh, close call! Okay, why don't you just finish this up and leave it on my desk and I will see you at your place around 2 am.
40134 7 23 The Inner Circle 6006 Pam Hey! It sounds like you guys are having a lot of fun, but it's really loud, and some of us are trying to work, so do you think you could do it a little more quietly?
40135 7 23 The Inner Circle 6006 Gabe Well, that's gonna be tough, because we're getting a dunking clinic from Magic Jordan himself.
40136 7 23 The Inner Circle 6006 Deangelo Oh, you mean Michael Jordan?
40137 7 23 The Inner Circle 6006 Gabe Total brain burp.
40138 7 23 The Inner Circle 6006 Deangelo I'm no MJ. I can do his dunk. From the free throw line.
40139 7 23 The Inner Circle 6006 Kevin Whoa.
40140 7 23 The Inner Circle 6006 Darryl Daaamn! Mad respect for my brotha!
40141 7 23 The Inner Circle 6007 Darryl The man is paying me to take Chinese. I will say what I need to say, and soon, I will say it in Chinese.
40142 7 23 The Inner Circle 6008 Pam Okay, well it's just really loud.
40143 7 23 The Inner Circle 6008 Deangelo Okay. We'll keep that in mind. Alright, ladies, back to the game.
40144 7 23 The Inner Circle 6008 Darryl Do it!
40145 7 23 The Inner Circle 6008 Deangelo Jim! Come on in.
40146 7 23 The Inner Circle 6008 Pam You're back in.
40147 7 23 The Inner Circle 6008 Jim You know what? Instead of a game, why don't we do an exhibition? I'd love to see that dunk of yours.
40148 7 23 The Inner Circle 6008 Deangelo Yeah, we'll set that up one day.
40149 7 23 The Inner Circle 6008 Jim Today. Now, maybe. 'Cause we have a hoop downstairs and a real ball, so you don't have to mime it.
40150 7 23 The Inner Circle 6008 Deangelo Yeah, I don't know.
40151 7 23 The Inner Circle 6008 Jim Why not?
40152 7 23 The Inner Circle 6008 Deangelo Only because no one has called NASA to request a liftoff. Let's go downstairs! Okay? Let's do it.
40153 7 23 The Inner Circle 6008 Dwight Pass. If I wanted to see a pissing contest, I'd lock Mose in the chicken coop.
40154 7 23 The Inner Circle 6008 Deangelo Damn it, Dwight! Enough! Get your ass downstairs or find a new place to sell paper!
40155 7 23 The Inner Circle 6009 Dwight Okay, a little about me. I respond to strong leadership.
40156 7 23 The Inner Circle 6010 Jim Alright, there you go.
40157 7 23 The Inner Circle 6010 Deangelo Seems a little close, you sure that's the real foul line?
40158 7 23 The Inner Circle 6010 Jim 15 feet from the baseline, so, you need me to move it in?
40159 7 23 The Inner Circle 6010 Deangelo Nah, that's 15. Yeah.
40160 7 23 The Inner Circle 6010 Jim Okay.
40161 7 23 The Inner Circle 6010 Deangelo And uh, you know what, to make it interesting, Jordan, why don't you sit underneath the basket?
40162 7 23 The Inner Circle 6010 Jordan Seriously?
40163 7 23 The Inner Circle 6010 Deangelo Yeah, come on. I'll dunk over you. Best seat in the house.
40164 7 23 The Inner Circle 6010 Jordan I don't, I don't think I can do that. I'm holding your jewelry.
40165 7 23 The Inner Circle 6010 Deangelo Right. Yeah. Okay, fair enough. Kevin, you do it.
40166 7 23 The Inner Circle 6010 Kevin Yes! Okay.
40167 7 23 The Inner Circle 6010 Deangelo Someone want to sit in Kevin's lap? Angela?
40168 7 23 The Inner Circle 6010 Angela No.
40169 7 23 The Inner Circle 6010 Deangelo Oscar?
40170 7 23 The Inner Circle 6010 Oscar No thank you.
40171 7 23 The Inner Circle 6010 Deangelo Okay, Jimmy, this is for you. Show you that anything is possible.
40172 7 23 The Inner Circle 6010 Jim Fantastic.
40173 7 23 The Inner Circle 6010 Deangelo Alright?
40174 7 23 The Inner Circle 6010 Jim Yup.
40175 7 23 The Inner Circle 6010 Deangelo This is also for the troops. Doctor is in! Ahhhh!
40176 7 23 The Inner Circle 6011 Jim Now what?
40177 7 23 The Inner Circle 6012 Erin Deangelo?
40178 7 23 The Inner Circle 6012 Deangelo Tablab.
40179 7 23 The Inner Circle 6012 Jim Oh my God, are you alright? Erin, will you call 911 please?
40180 7 23 The Inner Circle 6012 Erin Who should I say is calling?
40181 7 23 The Inner Circle 6012 Jim Erin.
40182 7 23 The Inner Circle 6012 Deangelo says to bartender Droswip. Droswip.
40183 7 23 The Inner Circle 6012 Gabe Droswip, yeah. I get it. Okay, we're gonna get you to the restroom.
40184 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6013 Pam We could get Deangelo flowers.
40185 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6013 Dwight No, you can't get flowers for someone who's in a coma. They'll wilt before he wakes up.
40186 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6013 Phyllis That's true.
40187 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6013 Jim All in favor of the baskets full of chocolates, teddy bears, and balloons?
40188 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6013 Dwight Wait, wait. All in favor of the knapsack filled with canned goods, chainsaw, gasoline, and emergency radio in case he wakes up post-apocalypse?
40189 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6013 Jim Nope. Baskets have it.
40190 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6014 Jim So as it turns out, unless you're a young child or a prison inmate, you don't need anyone supervising you. People just come in and do their work on their schedule. Imagine that - people like us allowed to sell paper. Unsupervised. And yet, somehow it works. It must be because the stakes are so high.
40191 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6015 Jim Well, I really appreciate the offer, but I'm just happy the way things are. Okay. Thank you. That was Jo, asking me if I wanted to take over as acting manager while they find a replacement. I told her... I don't want to mess this up, right? There's a consensus, people are happy.
40192 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6015 Dwight Dwight Schrute. Yes, I would. Thank you. Jordan, gather my things from my desk.
40193 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6015 Jim Wait...
40194 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6015 Pam What have you done?
40195 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6015 Dwight Mose... you'll never guess where I am right now.
40196 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6015 Mose Aaaaahhhhh!
40197 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6016 Pam Can't stay there all day.
40198 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6016 Jim I'm coming.
40199 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6016 Pam Do I at least get to go with you in this fantasy?
40200 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6016 Jim You'd slow me down.
40201 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6017 Jim Dwight has been acting manager for three months now. No. A week. Just feels like three months. Let's see, we all have to punch in to a time clock, which is very old, very strong, and has a slot about the size of a finger. We were all given new business cards big enough to set us apart from the competition, which is how I learned that our titles are all now Junior Employee. Our lunch breaks are staggered to prevent wasting time. Mine's at 10:30, and I find that the first hour of the day goes by a lot quicker than the second seven hours.
40202 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6017 Pam Stop stalling! Come on.
40203 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6018 All I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation...
40204 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6018 All but Oscar ...under God...
40205 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6018 All ...indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
40206 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6018 Angela Amen.
40207 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6018 Dwight Excellent. Morning announcements! There's been a problem with some people sharing copier codes. Your copier code is a distinct 21-digit number that is unique to you, and you only, okay? Don't share it. Jo Bennett, our CEO, will be here today for a high-level meeting involving Gabe and myself.
40208 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6018 Erin Ooh, about what?
40209 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6018 Dwight That's on a need-to-know basis.
40210 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6018 Erin I thought I needed to know for your calendar.
40211 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6018 Dwight General meet-and-greet. So I expect you to be on your best behavior, which means none of you will be insubordinate, nor will you foment insurrection.
40212 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6018 Jim Question, if we already fomented insurrection, may we be grandfathered in?
40213 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6018 Dwight Define foment.
40214 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6018 Jim You define foment.
40215 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6018 Dwight Please take note of the new color-coding system.
40216 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6019 Dwight Aha!
40217 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6019 Kelly Oh my God, what is wrong with you?
40218 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6019 Dwight Gotcha! Why are you late?
40219 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6019 Kelly It's none of your business, actually. It's very medical and personal.
40220 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6019 Dwight All right. You stop me when I reach the diseased area.
40221 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6020 Andy In fairness, Darryl did tell me that joke, so...
40222 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6020 Erin Oh! Darryl's funny.
40223 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6020 Andy I know, right?
40224 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6020 Gabe Hey, Andy?
40225 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6020 Andy Yeah?
40226 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6020 Gabe Can I talk to you a second about these client memos?
40227 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6020 Andy Sure. What's going on?
40228 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6020 Gabe Are you still in love with Erin?
40229 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6020 Andy What?
40230 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6020 Gabe Because I am. I need to get her back. I can't be alone anymore. Andy, do you like being alone with me right now?
40231 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6020 Andy No, this is horrifying.
40232 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6020 Gabe No. I don't like being alone with me either, okay? I have to get her back. Are you still gonna date her?
40233 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6020 Andy We're just friends, okay?
40234 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6020 Gabe Do you promise that?
40235 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6020 Andy Yeah, fine, I promise. We'll never date again. Can we go outside now?
40236 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6020 Gabe No, just give me a second. I don't want anyone to know I've been crying.
40237 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6021 Dwight Hey, hey, hey, hey. What do you think you're doing? What's this? What's the Fist?
40238 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6021 Jim Oh, it's just a social club. You know, like the French Revolution, or the Black Panthers, or communism. It's just a club. Guys talking, you know.
40239 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6021 Dwight You expect me to believe that you're starting a rebellion?
40240 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6021 Jim Nope. Social club. God, I hate when everybody calls us a rebellion.
40241 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6021 Dwight Okay, you know what? I would love to join The Fist.
40242 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6021 Jim And we would love to have you. But not today. Unfortunately, it's a bad day, what with Operation Overthrow and everything, but I have noted it.
40243 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6022 Kevin One...
40244 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6023 Stanley : $0.50" with a camera pointed at it]
40245 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6024 Andy Pam, I have to show you this video. You're gonna love it. It's Beyonce falling with a fart mixed in.
40246 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6025 Dwight I will never be happier than I am right now. I will also never be less happy. I will be at my current maximum happiness for the rest of my life. Because I am manager of the Scranton Branch of Dunder Mifflin. Acting Manager.
40247 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6026 Kevin No food now? Someone has to do something about Dwight!
40248 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6026 Creed He put some snacks in the freezer for us.
40249 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6026 Pam You mean the frozen mice for the piranha?
40250 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6026 Creed No. The blueberry Slurpee pouch.
40251 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6026 Phyllis He means the ice pack.
40252 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6027 Erin 2:00 should probably be okay. I can either take your number or -
40253 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6027 Gabe I'm sorry. This can't wait.
40254 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6027 Erin He's just gonna call back.
40255 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6027 Gabe Erin, I am in love with you. I don't believe in much, okay? I don't believe in horoscopes. I don't believe in Christmas. Uh, uh, I sure as hell don't believe in God.
40256 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6027 Erin What?
40257 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6027 Gabe Or maybe there's a God. I don't know. I mean, it's just not a guy with a long white beard. Or it could be. I mean, it's possible that that is exactly what - what God is. But for all of the disbelief I believe in us. I believe in love. You have made me believe that for all of the hokum out... there... uh, do we not have voicemail?
40258 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6027 Erin Dwight doesn't trust robots to give us our messages.
40259 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6027 Gabe Well... it's just... it messes up my rhythm.
40260 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6028 Erin I'm taking a break from dating. Gabe was a great guy with so many wonderful qualities, but it was a challenge being touched by him.
40261 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6029 Jim Wow, you've really embraced the whole Bond villain aesthetic.
40262 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6029 Dwight Ah, Jim, Jim, Jim. The gun is a Beaumont-Adams. Jo collects them. I thought we could have some nice small talk about it. And the piranha's a rescue.
40263 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6029 Jim And the desk.
40264 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6029 Dwight The desk is a replica of Uday Hussein's desk. I saw a picture in Newsweek. Listen, I'm a very busy man. Let's get right down to business.
40265 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6029 Jim Okay.
40266 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6029 Dwight Jo is coming later today. I cannot have a subordinate trying to make me look stupid. Okay? I need you to promise me that you'll be on your best behavior.
40267 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6029 Jim I promise...d other people that I would be on my worst behavior. And I gave them my word, so...
40268 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6029 Dwight Don't make me fire you.
40269 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6029 Jim You can't fire me. You're acting manager. Not office manager. So you have no firing powers.
40270 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6029 Dwight Don't make me pre-fire you.
40271 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6029 Jim You wouldn't dare.
40272 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6029 Dwight Watch this. You're pre-fired. And when I'm promoted, you'll be full fired.
40273 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6029 Jim If you get promoted, and if you haven't fallen in love with me by then.
40274 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6029 Dwight What?
40275 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6030 Jim If I had thought that there was a real chance that Dwight would be permanent manager, I would have pre-quit. And you might be saying to yourself, "Well that's pretty premature to think," but I always say, it's better to be pre-pre-preprepared.
40276 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6031 Dwight How you doing, Jordan?
40277 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6031 Jordan I'm good.
40278 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6031 Dwight Everyone here thinks that you're a joke. They think that you were hired because of your good looks, which won't last long anyway. As your pale skin and severe bone structure imply, you'll age swiftly and poorly.
40279 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6031 Jordan Why are you telling me this?
40280 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6031 Dwight Now I want you to find out what people are saying about me, things they don't want me to know abou- Ohh... it's a holster.
40281 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6032 Dwight Yep. Yep, yep, yep. Lookin' good. Ohh... Oh, what a day. What a day.
40282 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6032 Pam Dwight, are you carrying a gun?
40283 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6032 Dwight The holster was a gift from my great-uncle Honk. Um, I don't know. I guess he's saying that he's proud of me.
40284 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6032 Andy Dwight, guns make me really uncomfortable.
40285 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6032 Dwight The gun is just an accessory to the holster, okay? I can't walk around wearing an empty holster.
40286 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6032 Pam Why do you need to wear the holster at all?
40287 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6032 Dwight Why do you need to keep wearing those booby shirts all the time?
40288 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6032 Angela Thank you.
40289 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6032 Phyllis You could put your cell phone in it instead.
40290 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6032 Dwight Uh... hello!
40291 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6032 Kevin You could put a banana in it.
40292 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6032 Dwight Why would I put a banana in my holster?
40293 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6032 Kevin In case you weren't hungry now, but you got hungry later.
40294 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6032 Pam Dwight, no gun, okay? Don't make us call Jo.
40295 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6032 Dwight Okay. All right. Fine. Everyone calm down. Someone get me a banana. Sorry I freaked you guys out - aah!
40296 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6032 Erin Andy!
40297 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6032 Andy Aah! Aah! It's so loud!
40298 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6033 Oscar My God. There is a hardwood floor underneath this carpeting. Why would they do that?
40299 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6033 Andy Eeeeeeee... There's like this crazy ringing going on. I can't - eeeeeee... I can't find perfect C.
40300 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6033 Meredith Okay, everyone make a list of what's lost for the insurance. I lost a necklace, a ring, a painting-
40301 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6033 Toby Hey, what happened?
40302 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6033 Kelly Dwight went on a shooting spree, and then he shot Andy in the head.
40303 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6033 Dwight No, no, no. All we know is that a gun fired. That's all we know! No. That's not true. Actually, we heard a loud noise. Later, a hole was seen. No one saw the bullet leave the gun.
40304 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6033 Andy Something's definitely wrong.
40305 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6033 Oscar I'll look on WebMD. What are your symptoms?
40306 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6033 Angela Oh, everybody. Oscar found a reason to look on WebMD.
40307 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6033 Oscar Firewall.
40308 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6033 Gabe I can't reach Jo. She must already be on the plane.
40309 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6033 Dwight Okay, why are you calling Jo?
40310 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6033 Andy I think I should go the hospital.
40311 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6033 Erin I'll go with you.
40312 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6033 Gabe No! We really shouldn't be without a receptionist. Now more than ever.
40313 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6033 Darryl I'll take him.
40314 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6033 Andy Thank you, Darryl.
40315 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6033 Darryl What's wrong with you?
40316 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6033 Andy It's my ear.
40317 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6033 Darryl Yeah.
40318 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6033 Andy Okay, sorry.
40319 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6033 Toby Oh, I should get the accident report binder. I've never used the gun violence forms before.
40320 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6033 Gabe I'm gonna keep trying Jo.
40321 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6033 Dwight Okay, everyone! Conference room, right now!
40322 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6034 Dwight Yee-haw! Whoo-hoo! Howdy, partners! It's me, Gun-Safety Dwight! And I'm the rootin'-est-- I can't do this. Um, look. Obviously, a gun went off under my watch, and I'm launching a full investigation.
40323 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6034 Stanley We all saw you do it.
40324 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6034 Dwight Really? You did? What hand was I holding the gun in? What did Andy's tie look like?
40325 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6034 Erin Navy blue. Little red anchors.
40326 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6034 Dwight I have no way of knowing if that's true.
40327 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6034 Toby I am supposed to collect eyewitness accounts. Who saw Dwight do this?
40328 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6034 Dwight Okay, really?
40329 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6034 Toby Would you consider this a terrorist incident?
40330 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6034 Ryan I felt terrorized.
40331 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6034 Dwight Come on.
40332 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6034 Toby Oh, there's a whole 'nother terrorism booklet for that.
40333 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6034 Dwight I just really, really think we should handle this internally.
40334 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6034 Ryan Dwight, why is it on us to protect you?
40335 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6034 Dwight Because you guys are my best friends, and I mean that. Managing you for this last week has been the greatest honor of my life. And if you ruin this, I will burn this office to the ground. And I mean that figuratively. Not literally. Because you guys are so... so important... to me. I love you guys. But don't cross me. But you're the best.
40336 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6035 Andy Hey. We're back.
40337 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6035 Dwight There he is! Our hero! You look fantastic. How you doing? Here, tell us your war stories.
40338 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6035 Andy Well, I burst my eardrum. Doctor said it could take weeks to heal.
40339 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6035 Dwight Did they say what caused it? Because I know you like putting Q-tips deep into your ear canal.
40340 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6035 Andy Yeah.
40341 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6035 Phyllis How's your hearing?
40342 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6035 Andy Temporary deafness in one ear. It was both ears. I couldn't hear a thing Darryl was saying while we were in the waiting room.
40343 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6036 Darryl I was talking like this. I don't feel good about it, but he just kept calling himself a gunshot victim and it got to me.
40344 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6037 Kelly Dwight, I would like tomorrow off so that I can go on my American Idol audition.
40345 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6037 Dwight American Idol? What? No.
40346 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6037 Kelly Okay. I guess I can just not go. Do you guys wanna hear my solo?
40347 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6037 Dwight No.
40348 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6037 Kelly Why did my temporary boss go on a shooting spree?
40349 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6037 Dwight Okay, fine. You can go on your singing audition.
40350 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6037 Phyllis Okay, well, then I want an extra vacation day.
40351 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6037 Angela Pet Day! I want Pet Day back - no dogs.
40352 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6037 Kevin Put back everything in the vending machine except the fruit.
40353 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6037 Dwight I put everything back in the vending machine.
40354 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6037 Kevin Put everything back in the vending machine except... the fruit.
40355 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6037 Pam You have to get rid of all your weapons. All of them. Including killer fish.
40356 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6037 Dwight Okay.
40357 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6037 Jim Oh, is it my turn? Ooh, I'm on the spot. I don't know. Um... you know what? I think I'm good.
40358 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6037 Dwight Thank God.
40359 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6037 Jim Nope. When Jo's here, can you work in "Shagadelic, baby," at least three times in a conversation? Oh, and when I cough can you do jazz hands?
40360 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6037 Dwight What's jazz hands?
40361 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6037 Dwight Fine.
40362 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6038 Kevin What the is that? Oh, my...
40363 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6039 Jo Hey, all! Cornelius, Bobo, have at it. Nobody let my dogs hump each other. They don't seem to know they're brothers.
40364 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6039 Dwight Hello, Jo. Welcome. Well, shall we begin?
40365 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6039 Jo Slow yourself down there. Just like a man. Wants to jump right into it while I still got my socks on. Jim Halpert - the only man that ever turned me down.
40366 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6039 Jim Well, I don't know about that. Just wasn't for me. But let me assure you, Dwight is firing on all cylinders. Right?
40367 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6039 Jo Well, some pretty big shoes to fill. I was sorry to hear about Deangelo. He was a good man. Tragic.
40368 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6039 Dwight Well, what can you do? Life.
40369 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6040 Andy We have to clean this up now!
40370 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6040 Erin She had so much -
40371 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6040 Gabe Hey, guys.
40372 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6040 Erin Hey.
40373 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6040 Gabe Hope I'm not interrupting anything.
40374 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6040 Andy No!
40375 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6040 Gabe Hey, Andy, did you tell Erin about our conversation earlier when you said you would never want to date her again?
40376 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6040 Andy Uh...
40377 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6040 Gabe I just thought that it was so interesting that you promised that.
40378 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6040 Andy Did I say that earlier? Yes, I did. Because you, Gabe, were crying...
40379 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6040 Gabe No, I was not.
40380 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6040 Andy And sobbing uncontrollably. Yes. Uh-huh. You were in hysterics. And my maternal instincts kicked in. Is it actually how I feel? Yes. Or no. That is... between me and my diary.
40381 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Dwight Oscar, can you print out last year's sale statements?
40382 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Kevin Hey, Dwight, gimme a back massage.
40383 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Dwight No, Kevin, come on.
40384 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Kevin My back is sore, Dwight. Massage it.
40385 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Dwight Kevin, not now.
40386 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Kevin Hey, Jo!
40387 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Dwight Okay, okay. Shh!
40388 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Kevin No, under the jacket.
40389 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Dwight You're kidding me. Oh God, what am I touching? It's moist.
40390 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Kevin I don't feel anything.
40391 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Dwight Oh, it's so wet.
40392 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Kevin Push harder, Dwight.
40393 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Dwight I can't. I can't push harder!
40394 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Kevin Go a little higher. There you go. Nope, higher. Higher.
40395 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Dwight Okay, how's that?
40396 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Kevin Knead it. Knead it like a pizza.
40397 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Dwight I'm kneading it!
40398 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Kevin Don't eat it.
40399 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Jo Dwight! Walk me out. Let's talk soon. And stay on top of these people. You gotta admit it - it's nice to have a little power, eh? How's it feel?
40400 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Dwight Jo... I accidentally fired a gun in the office today.
40401 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Jo What?!
40402 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Dwight I am telling you this because I care too much about this job to be blackmailed into doing it poorly. All I've ever wanted was to be manager here. And if you feel that you cannot promote me over this one accident, I understand. But if you think that extortion is worse -
40403 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Jo Shooting is worse! Are you kidding me? It's not even in the same - you shot a gun? What is wrong with you?
40404 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Dwight It was a Beaumont-Adams, if that helps.
40405 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Jo Beaumont-Adams is a girl's gun. That just makes it plain stupid.
40406 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Dwight I take full responsibility.
40407 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Jo Who else would be responsible?
40408 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Dwight Pam made me put a banana in my holster.
40409 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Pam You shot a gun off -
40410 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Dwight Okay. Did I make a mistake? Yes. Do I regret the decision that I made? Yes.
40411 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Jo Oh, stop asking yourself easy questions so you can look like a genius.
40412 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Dwight Got it.
40413 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Jo I love you, Dwight. But you don't fit this job.
40414 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Dwight Jo, please... I will -
40415 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6041 Jo No, child. No. It's over. Now I gotta find a replacement for my replacement.
40416 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6042 Jo You three are my search committee. You're in charge of finding me my next manager. All righty?
40417 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6042 Gabe Yep.
40418 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6042 Jim Yep.
40419 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6042 Jo Till then, we need a new acting manager. Now, who's got the most experience in this office?
40420 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6042 Toby Uh, well, we probably don't want to go just on seniority.
40421 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6042 Jo Who is it?
40422 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6043 Jim Hey, Dwight. What's up?
40423 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6043 Dwight Shut up.
40424 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6043 Jim Well, you do know that Jo was right to take the job away from you, right? There's no debating that. But, I will say... in your one week, every single one of the orders went out on time. And I think that is shagadelic, baby.
40425 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6044 Angela Four, one, seven, one...
40426 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6044 Kevin Another one?
40427 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6044 Darryl, Angela Yes!
40428 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6044 Angela Seven, two...
40429 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6044 Oscar Could you turn the volume down on the beeping?
40430 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6044 Angela Six, nine, shut up, Oscar. Eight...
40431 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6044 Darryl Nine first.
40432 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6044 Angela Nine, eight, five...
40433 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6044 Kevin Thank you.
40434 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6044 Angela Three, zero, zero. Again, zero. Four, six...
40435 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6044 Kevin Nice.
40436 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6044 Angela Two, one...
40437 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6044 Kevin Oh, I hit three. I hit three.
40438 7 24 Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager 6044 Angela God!
40439 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6045 Creed It's a beautiful morning at Dunder-Mifflin, or as I like to call it, Great Bratton. Keep it running.
40440 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6046 Creed Do I love being manager?... I love my kids. I love real estate. I love ceramics. I love my job. I-I love wrestling.
40441 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6047 Creed Find out what language this is.
40442 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6048 Creed Okay, team building! On this side of the room, Stanley, Phyllis, Jim, Ted, Elroy, and this side of the room, Pam, Meredith, Phyllis, Creed...
40443 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6049 Jim He never called a meeting.
40444 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6050 Creed BO-BODDY! BO-BODDY. What does the first "B" stand for?
40445 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6050 Pam What are we doing?
40446 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6050 Creed We're making acronyms. Okay! What does the first "B" stand for?
40447 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6050 Kevin Um... Business!
40448 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6050 Creed I like it! Business! Good, Kevin! All right! The "O"...
40449 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6051 Pam We need a new manager.
40450 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6052 Jim Your paper experience is very interesting. Do you think you could use that experience to inform decisions here?
40451 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6052 Fred Henry Absolutely--I, yes. In fact, I actually have a three-step plan that I believe could effectively double your profits.
40452 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6052 Jim Really?
40453 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6052 Fred Yeah.
40454 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6052 Jim ...What is it?
40455 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6052 Fred Nice try.
40456 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6052 Toby I'm sorry, what is your three-step plan?
40457 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6052 Fred Well, I mean, I can't just hand you my plan. I mean, if you guys give me the job, then, then you'll get the plan.
40458 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6052 Gabe Well... it's an interview, and we don't know that you really have the plan.
40459 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6052 Fred Well, I'm not gonna just make up that I have a plan. I got a plan. Believe me, you guys want it. You're in paper, right?
40460 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6052 Gabe How would we know that, if you don't...
40461 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6052 Jim You could just be saying it to get the job.
40462 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6052 Fred I guess I could be, if I was... who would do that?
40463 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6052 Jim How about this. Why don't you give us a part of the plan, and that way we know you have it.
40464 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6052 Fred Tell you what. I'll give you part three of part two. Not gonna give you a whole part.
40465 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6052 Jim Okay.
40466 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6052 Fred Color-code sent documents, TM.
40467 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6052 Jim Did you just trademark that...
40468 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6052 Toby W-What?
40469 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6052 Fred That's a verbal trademark. That's an agreement.
40470 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6053 Jim We are the Search Committee, hand-picked by our CEO, and tasked to find this branch's new manager. Not everyone we meet will be good, but someone's bound to be, right? And, to be honest, I think a lot of the decent candidates are right here in-house, so, I'm not too worried. But I'm really excited to spend a lot of time with Toby and Gabe. Did you know that Gabe's last name was Lewis? I had no idea.
40471 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6054 Stanley Good morning.
40472 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6054 Darryl Good morning.
40473 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6054 Phyllis Good morning.
40474 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6054 Darryl Good morning.
40475 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6054 Phyllis Did you have a nice drive in?
40476 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6054 Darryl I did.
40477 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6055 Darryl I have a solid relationship with Jo, the company's owner. I have management experience. I have a good friendship with Jim, the head of the Search Committee, and it doesn't hurt that I'm... bla-aaack!
40478 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6056 Erin It's good. I really hope you get it!
40479 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6056 Andy The manager job? Nah, I'm barely interested. I just can't not go for it. You know, it's not the Bernard way. We give it the old college try, and then, in defeat, we show grace.
40480 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6056 Erin Still, I'd really like to see this office with you in the boss's chair.
40481 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6056 Andy Don't even... EEEHHHH!!!!
40482 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6056 Erin You in the boss's chair!
40483 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6056 Andy EEEHHH!! No. Hehe.
40484 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6057 Andy In my family, you don't really go out and get things. If you want something, you write it on a list, and then the housekeeper goes out and gets it, on Wednesdays and Fridays. So, I don't know, I guess you could say this job is on my list, and... we'll see what Rosa comes back with.
40485 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6058 Erin Did you hear anything?
40486 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6058 Phyllis Oh, I'm sure they'll let us know when they get the results.
40487 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6059 Phyllis It turns out that Erin was born in the basic time and region that I gave away a child.
40488 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6059 Erin So, Phyllis might be my mom. I mean, the chances are tiny, but...
40489 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6059 Phyllis But, probably not, I mean, it was a big year for babies. Porky's had come out.
40490 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6059 Erin Yeah. I'm sure I was just another Porky's baby.
40491 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6059 Phyllis Mm.
40492 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6059 Erin But why not find out.
40493 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6059 Phyllis Yeah.
40494 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6060 Pam Should you really be so blatant about that?
40495 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6060 Dwight They won't make me manager, and I won't settle for anything less. I've gone about as far as I can here. That's obvious. Time to take my talents elsewhere.
40496 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6060 Pam Are you really going to apply for work at Scranton Breadworks?
40497 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6060 Dwight Bread is the paper of the food industry. You write your sandwich on it.
40498 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6061 Warren Buffett Can you do any better on salary?
40499 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6061 Jim Unfortunately, that range is set at corporate.
40500 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6061 Warren What about mileage when I use my car? I mean, gas ain't cheap, you know.
40501 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6061 Jim Heh. We think that 25 cents a mile is pretty generous.
40502 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6061 Warren How about 27? And uh, when I make long-distance calls, will they be monitored or is it on the honor system?
40503 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6062 Angela Okay. How odd, a very unusual phone call from the Senator's office. The Senator wants me to have lunch with him at The Botanical Gardens.
40504 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6062 Kevin The Botanical Gardens, Scranton's hidden gem. Don't eat any berries you don't recognize.
40505 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6063 Toby How will your experience selling refinery equipment translate to our smaller scale here?
40506 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6063 Robert You don't work in sales, do you.
40507 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6063 Toby Uh... Human Resources.
40508 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6063 Robert You see, I sit across from a man. I see his face. I see his eyes. Now, does it matter if he wants a hundred dollars of paper or a hundred million dollars of deep-sea drilling equipment? Don't be a fool. He wants respect. He wants love. He wants to be younger. He wants to be attractive. There is no such thing as a product. Don't ever think there is. There is only... s*x. Everything... is s*x. You understand that what I'm telling you is a universal truth,... Toby.
40509 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6063 Toby Yes.
40510 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6063 Gabe Okay, I-I am, I'm almost a little concerned that you might be overqualified for the position. Do you, um, do you think that you are?
40511 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6063 Robert Do I look like someone who would waste my own time?
40512 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6063 Gabe No.
40513 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6063 Jim Can you... You are a man of great confidence. Could you speak a little more to that, and, what the role of confidence... would be... in a dialogue with a subordinate?
40514 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6063 Robert Will you be heard? Will you have a voice? Will I steamroll over you? Do you feel heard right now, Jim? Do you have a voice, right now? You can answer me.
40515 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6063 Jim Yes.
40516 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6063 Robert That was your choice, not mine. The fallacy is that it is up to the steamroller. It is up to the object... whether it will be flattened or not, and I can tell from the small interaction we've had already, you won't be flattened by anybody. Do you agree with me, Jim?
40517 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6063 Jim Yes.
40518 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6063 Robert Yes. You do.
40519 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6064 Jim He creeps me out. But, I think he might be a genius.
40520 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6065 Andy Good luck, Darryl.
40521 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6065 Darryl Thank you.
40522 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6066 Darryl Think about it! What other mammal, besides humans, drinks the milk of another mammal? I mean, you don't see a bear drinking raccoon milk.
40523 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6066 Jim Oh.
40524 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6066 Darryl So this is cool. I think we make a good fit.
40525 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6066 Gabe Oh? Uh... we haven't started the interview yet. Were you--were you joking?
40526 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6066 Darryl Uh... yes?! I was. Little joke!
40527 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6066 Toby So, how would you go about settling interpersonal conflicts within the office?
40528 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6066 Darryl I thought that was your job.
40529 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6066 Toby Well, it's one of my strengths, but it's the manager's job.
40530 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6066 Jim Well, for instance, how did you deal with it when two warehouse guys got into a fight?
40531 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6066 Darryl I'll answer that, Jim. I would use it as an opportunity to teach, uh, about actions... and consequences... of actions.
40532 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6066 Darryl Who's that?
40533 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6066 Jim So I think all we need is a resume, and we'll be good right?
40534 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6066 Darryl I... I just thought you knew me.
40535 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6066 Jim Yeah, it's no big deal, just something that looks like that. Cool?
40536 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6066 Darryl Let me... Oh. Cool.
40537 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6067 Merv Did, uh, you just interview?
40538 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6067 Robert Ohh, unfortunately, yes.
40539 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6067 Merv What do you mean?
40540 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6067 Robert That business can't attract anyone. It's awful up there. Those people seem like they're in prison, waiting out life sentences in a... dying industry.
40541 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6067 Merv Place must be horrible. I don't know if I want this job.
40542 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6068 Merv Well, if I get this job offer, and then I know that I'm gonna take it, and if I take it, I know that I'm never gonna quit, and then 25 years are gonna go by and... I'm gonna die here.
40543 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6069 Dwight What makes you feel qualified to judge a place after a mere interview? What are you doing..? Stop trying to figure me out.
40544 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6069 Robert I just did.
40545 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6069 Dwight You can't.
40546 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6069 Robert It's done.
40547 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6069 Dwight No, it's not.
40548 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6069 Robert I know you now, your nature. I'm done. Not worth continuing. : You don't know me! Anything about me! Get out of my head!]
40549 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6069 Dwight Stop trying to figure me out. Do you even know anything about paper? How it's made?
40550 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6069 Robert I saw an episode of how they make paper on Sesame Street.
40551 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6069 Dwight Get out.
40552 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6070 Dwight I'm gonna prevent inferior men from sullying my place of work with their weak, passionless leadership. Do you see my hat? No? That's because I just threw it in the ring.
40553 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6071 Merv You guys pay for relocation, though, right?
40554 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6071 Toby Well, why would you need relocation, if you already live in Scranton?
40555 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6071 Merv Well, I'd want to move further away, you know? Just... I don't want any chance to run into my co-workers outside the office.
40556 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6071 Jim Can I ask why you're leaving your current job?
40557 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6071 Merv I'm leaving my other job because they were all jerks, really. You know, all of 'em. You had your jerk-wads, and your jerk-offs, so, just between the wads and the offs, I just... I had to get outta there.
40558 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6071 Jim Is this a bad time to be doing this?
40559 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6071 Merv I'm having a bad time.
40560 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6071 Toby I'm sorry, if we did something to upset you, I'm sure it was inadvertent.
40561 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6071 Merv Wait.
40562 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6072 Merv Oh, why did I believe that weirdo in the lobby? These are the nicest people I ever met.
40563 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6073 Angela Thank you.
40564 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6074 Pam It's gorgeous, Angela.
40565 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6074 Kelly Yeah, I actually know about nice rings and it is gorgeous.
40566 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6074 Meredith Wow...
40567 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6074 Angela It's a little flashy. I mean, what am I? Naomi Judd?
40568 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6074 Meredith Tell us the freaking story!
40569 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6074 Kevin Yeah! Tell us a story.
40570 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6074 Angela Okay. He took me to the replica of Monet's Japanese bridge, and then he put this flower behind my ear, which normally, I would hate, 'cause it's so civil rightsy. Then he got down on one knee, and he said, will you be a Senator's wife?
40571 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6074 Pam Oh-ho-ho! He talked about himself in the third person?
40572 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6074 Angela Yes, Pam. Not everyone is as informal as you and Jim. Oh, hey Pam, dude, whatever, wanna marry me?
40573 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6074 Pam That's not accurate.
40574 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6074 Angela Then I saw flashes. Reporters were there. They always find us. And everyone was crying, even his aide.
40575 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6075 Oscar Angela's engaged to a gay man. As a gay man, I'm horrified. As a friend of Angela's, horrified. As a lover of elegant weddings, I'm a little excited. But overall, horrified.
40576 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6076 Jim Andy? You all set?
40577 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6076 Andy Okay, guys, it's time. It's pep talk time. Tell me what I need to hear.
40578 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6076 Phyllis Are you sure this is a good idea? I hate to see you disappointed.
40579 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6076 Andy Augh.
40580 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6077 Erin I think Andy should be the boss. He's just so great. If I'm being objective, then Darryl, of course.
40581 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6078 Jim So, Andy, what improvements would you make as office manager?
40582 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6078 Andy For starters, I really think we can streamline communication around here...
40583 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6078 Gabe Whoa! That's a very heavy accusation to level against Toby.
40584 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6078 Andy I wasn't acc-, accusing...
40585 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6078 Gabe Well, Toby's in charge of Human Resources, that would include communication. I think that Toby's done a fine job.
40586 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6078 Andy Right! I really wasn't trying to insult any, anyone.
40587 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6078 Toby I didn't think you were.
40588 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6079 Gabe I have two relationships with Andy. I have a personal relationship, and I have a professional relationship. Personally, yeah, I think he's a rat, and I think he's responsible for the demise of my relationship with Erin. Professionally,... he broke up the happiest couple in this office!
40589 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6080 Gabe How many windows are there in New York City?
40590 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6080 Andy What?
40591 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6080 Gabe Critical thinking. Common, on-the-spot question asked in an interview.
40592 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6080 Andy Okay. Let me think... are you counting car windows?
40593 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6080 Gabe No... How far away is the Sun?
40594 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6080 Andy Uh, 93 million miles.
40595 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6080 Jim Is it?
40596 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6080 Andy Yeah! And the diameter of the Sun is 870,000 miles, which makes it 109 times wider than the Earth, and... 333,000 times heavier than the Earth,...
40597 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6080 Gabe Shut up about the Sun! SHUT UP about the SUN!
40598 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6081 Andy I am unhappy with the confusing and, at times, confrontational nature of that meeting. I wanted it to go better. I WANTED IT TO GO BETTER!!
40599 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6082 Darryl Yes, there used to be a paper clip that would pop up and say "Looks like you are writing a letter or resume. Would you like help? I believe his name was... Clippy.
40600 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6083 Creed First of all, I want to thank you for your years of patronizing our company. I've got some bad news. We're going out of business. Saving face. Yep, yep. I understand that. Basically everything is falling apart here. Pam looks around the office and realizes only she has overheard this]
40601 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6084 Pam How is this on me?
40602 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6085 Pam Hang up. Corporate needs you to find the differences between this picture and this picture. Intel has told us there were at least seven.
40603 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6085 Creed Okay I already see one, gimme. Okay.
40604 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6086 Pam They're the same picture.
40605 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6087 Kelly Well, I manage my department, and I've been doing that for several years now. And, god, I've learned a lot of life lessons along the way.
40606 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6087 Jim Your department's just you, right?
40607 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6087 Kelly Yes, Jim, but I am not easy to manage.
40608 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6087 Gabe Great! Um, can we just...
40609 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6087 Kelly What was that?
40610 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6087 Gabe We just have a lot of serious candidates to get through today, so...
40611 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6087 Kelly Am I not a serious candidate?
40612 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6087 Gabe What do you want me to say? I mean, there's a line of qualified people out there. We have a video CV from England. Are we all just gonna pretend to-- okay. Um, what are your weaknesses?
40613 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6087 Kelly I don't have any, assh***.
40614 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6087 Dwight I want an interview.
40615 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6088 Dwight How's the family?
40616 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6088 Jim Good!
40617 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6088 Dwight Good. They good?
40618 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6088 Jim Yeah.
40619 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6088 Dwight What's your daughter's name again? Peepee?
40620 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6088 Jim Peepa.
40621 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6088 Dwight Peepa, how is she?
40622 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6088 Jim Great.
40623 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6088 Dwight Great! Oh, that's great... We never were very good at small talk, were we, Jim?
40624 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6088 Jim No.
40625 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6088 Dwight Now, listen,...
40626 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6088 Jim You're not getting an interview, Dwight. The whole point of this Search Committee process is to prevent hiring someone like you ever again.
40627 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6088 Dwight Okay, I know why you're saying that, Jim, I really do, but think of it this way. The hand that reaches from the grave to grip your throat is the strong hand you want on the wheel.
40628 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6088 Jim Okay. That's vivid.
40629 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6088 Dwight I'm going to make you an offer. Okay? You even do so little as grant me an interview, I will guarantee you your dream work life. Okay? You roll in at 10 a.m. to your own private reserved parking spot, pick up your daily free coffee from Dwight's Caffeine Corner, unlimited s*x breaks for you and Pam...
40630 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6088 Jim Yikes.
40631 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6088 Dwight Erin will eat garbage for your entertainment.
40632 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6088 Jim Well, you know how I like taking bribes.
40633 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6088 Dwight Ha ha!
40634 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6088 Jim Unfortunately, Jo also took the job away from you because she doesn't trust your judgment. So how would that look for me, if I recommended you?
40635 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6088 Dwight Fine. I'll do it without you, but you'll regret this.
40636 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6088 Jim Okay.
40637 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6088 Dwight Let me get that for you.
40638 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6088 Jim Thank you.
40639 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6088 Dwight Okay.
40640 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6089 Oscar Pam... I think Robert is gay.
40641 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6089 Pam The Senator? He was married before, and he has a kid.
40642 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6089 Oscar So!?
40643 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6089 Pam And don't say that thing about how lots of gay guys have kids.
40644 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6089 Oscar I have a very strong suspicion.
40645 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6089 Pam Did you see him at a bathhouse?
40646 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6089 Oscar What bathhouse?
40647 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6089 Pam The windowless building by the Baskin Robbins.
40648 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6089 Oscar What?
40649 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6089 Pam Forget it. I'm never gonna know what goes on there.
40650 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6090 Oscar My friend at the Scranton Blade is totally plugged into these matters.
40651 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6090 Pam You're in the gay mafia.
40652 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6090 Oscar You're thinking of another group. Much wealthier, much older. You sound ignorant.
40653 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6090 Ryan You guys, um, talking Senator?
40654 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6090 Pam No.
40655 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6090 Oscar No. Why would we be talking about the Senator?
40656 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6090 Ryan 'Cause he's totally gay?
40657 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6091 Ryan Um, how do I know that Robert is gay? He "liked" my facebook photos at 3 o'clock in the morning.
40658 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6092 David Brent Name? David Brent. Occupation? Inspirer. Status? None of your business. Young, free, and single, though. Thanks for asking. Hear you're looking for a new boss. Yeah? Someone to tell a bunch of discontented, underencouraged drones what to do every day. Is that it? Oh. Our out-of-touch powers that be? Want me to fire them, if they don't see things your way? Then I ain't that dude. Bye-bye, baby, bye-bye. Get some other corporate suit to lay down the law. What? You've changed your mind? You're now looking for a leader of men? Ipso facto, women too. When do I start? Yeah.
40659 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6093 Phyllis Do you know what it took to get Bob to notice me? I waited in his office every morning wearing nothing but kitty-cat ears. I did that every day for two weeks. And on the tenth day he walked in, he was naked too, except a dog nose. Guess what we did then?
40660 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6093 Erin I... I don't think I can do that.
40661 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6093 Phyllis Bestiality. Yeah.
40662 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6093 Erin Well, that's not my personality.
40663 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6093 Phyllis If my daughter were asking me...
40664 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6093 Erin Yes?
40665 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6093 Phyllis I would say, if you want someone, if you really want them,... go get them.
40666 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6094 Erin I do really want him.
40667 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6095 Darryl So, uh... here you go.
40668 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6095 Jim Great.
40669 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6095 Darryl Hope it's all right.
40670 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6095 Jim I'm sure it's fine.
40671 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6095 Darryl The guy who was in here earlier, interviewed after me, how'd he do?
40672 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6095 Jim Howard Cline?
40673 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6095 Darryl Ehh, that's not who I'm talking about.
40674 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6095 Jim Oh... Deshaun Williams.
40675 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6095 Darryl Yes. How did he do?
40676 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6095 Jim He's an amazing man. He's a Rhodes Scholar. He invented an app that invents apps. Fantastic kisser...
40677 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6095 Darryl Come on man. I'm being serious. Don't joke.
40678 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6095 Jim Darryl! We all know you. Your interview is not nearly as important as the other guys.
40679 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6096 Nellie First, I'll take down the cubicle walls.
40680 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6096 Toby But there aren't...
40681 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6096 Nellie Symbol of transparency. There'd be no titles. Everyone would have the same job. Same goes for me. I'd take your job, but I'd reject the title.
40682 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6096 Gabe A little un-specific.
40683 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6096 Nellie Everyone would be known for their accomplishments.
40684 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6096 Jim That's very interesting. Um, I feel like there might be a conflict there, and if a conflict did arise, how would that be dealt with?
40685 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6096 Nellie Ooh? Yeah. Mm. Scratch everything from before. I tell you what I'd do. Go the other way. More cubicles. More division. Everyone is somebody's boss, and that person can fire the person below them. At least once a month, the lowest performing person... bye bye!
40686 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6096 Gabe How would you compare, like, an accountant and HR?
40687 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6096 Nellie Well, I'll tell you how. Shall I? I'll tell you how.
40688 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6096 Gabe Okay.
40689 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6096 Nellie By splitting the difference. Just... just, somewhere in the middle.
40690 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6096 Jim I think that's probably all we need to hear from...
40691 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6096 Nellie Zen office. Hmm? Thought of that? That's what I'd do. Everyone takes their shoes off, before they come in. Okay. There'd be no desks. You just sit on the floor.
40692 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6096 Jim That's very...
40693 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6096 Nellie You've got a Thai woman, out in the back. Sockee! Sockee!
40694 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6096 Gabe Okay, that's not gonna be...
40695 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6096 Nellie Sockee!... is her name. Okay? Shes administering massage, all right, if you need it. If you don't, whatever, just talk to her! She's a person! Either way, 50 minutes of that and you...you are cracking to go.
40696 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6097 Oscar Is there a front runner?
40697 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6097 Jim You know what? They all just sort of blend together after a while.
40698 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6097 Oscar Well, there must be someone who stands out.
40699 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6097 Jim No, not at all. In fact, I'm not even taking it seriously. I think at the end of the day, I'm just gonna pick a name out of the hat.
40700 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6097 Oscar Well...
40701 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6097 Stanley The hell you will! I worked for the last boss for 15 years. According to my doctor, I don't have another 15 years if I want to keep up the same dietary and sexual lifestyle, which I intend to.
40702 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6097 Ryan Oh no, Stanley... you'll live forever...
40703 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6097 Stanley My next boss will be my last boss. He'll be at my funeral. So I would appreciate it if you would take this seriously.
40704 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6097 Jim Uh--
40705 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6097 Meredith You pick a crappy boss, you're responsible for my crappy life.
40706 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6097 Jim Okay, everybody, I was just making a joke. I am taking it seriously, I promise.
40707 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6097 Oscar Are you?
40708 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6097 Ryan Little advice? Take a day off from the whole Jim schtick. Try caring about something. You might like how it feels... James.
40709 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6098 Jo Gabe, honey! Oh, lord. Take all this.
40710 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6098 Gabe All right.
40711 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6098 Jo Here. Jim! Did you hear Stern this morning?
40712 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6098 Jim No, was it good?
40713 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6098 Jo Ohh, Robin was good. She's always good. Keeps him on his toes. Its Howard's show though. Whose is this? Darryl Philbin. Ohh. Very nice to see a familiar face on top. Ah... a little long aren't we? Four pages? Is this the same Darryl Philbin who's had two jobs in ten years at one company?
40714 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6098 Darryl Yes, thanks to you, who promoted me, after we, uh, interfaced.
40715 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6098 Jo Coordinated and implemented receipt storage and delivery of over 2.5 billion units of inventory. 2.5 billion, Darryl? 2.5 billion units of what?
40716 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6098 Darryl Paper material, ma'am.
40717 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6098 Jo Paper material?
40718 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6098 Darryl Pieces of paper.
40719 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6098 Dwight Jo, may I speak to you for a second?
40720 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6098 Jo Or what? You gonna shoot me?
40721 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6098 Dwight Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ohh, I enjoy laughing at my mistakes, because I've learned so much from them. I'd like to be interviewed for the position.
40722 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6098 Jo I'll interview you right now.
40723 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6098 Dwight Okay.
40724 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6098 Jo Question 1. Ever shot a gun in the office?
40725 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6098 Dwight It's complicated.
40726 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6098 Jo Yeah, but see... it's not.
40727 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6099 Phyllis I don't think we should tell her. Angela went a whole day without telling me I had lettuce in my teeth. Screw her.
40728 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6099 Pam I'm a woman. I would want to know.
40729 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6099 Meredith Yeah, you gotta know.
40730 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6099 Kevin Okay, but if Angela can get a gay man to marry her, maybe I could get a lesbian to marry me? Huh? Huh? That's hot.
40731 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6099 Oscar You have met a lesbian in real life, right?
40732 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6099 Phyllis You know, this is probably is her last chance at a family.
40733 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6099 Pam She does seem happy.
40734 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6099 Oscar You're right. You're right. She seems happy. We don't tell her.
40735 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6099 Kevin We don't tell her.
40736 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6099 Pam Okay.
40737 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6100 Kelly Excuse me, Ms. Bennett, may I have a word?
40738 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6100 Jo Okay.
40739 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6100 Kelly Uh,... can it be in private? Don't worry, it's not about you. As Minority Executive, I think it's my responsibility to let you know that Gabe is gross. I don't think it's professional that he was sleeping with the receptionist, and then when Erin dumped him, so that she could be with Andy, he became a total crazy stalker psycho.
40740 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6100 Jo Welcome to Scranton, Jo. Land of a thousand problems only you can fix. Oh for god's sake. He's texting me his resume one line at a time. These are costing me ten cents a piece, you jackass! I'm roaming!
40741 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6101 Creed Get me our biggest client on the phone, right this instant.
40742 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6101 Jordan Who is our biggest client?
40743 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6101 Pam Uh, just put him through to me.
40744 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6101 Jordan Okay.
40745 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6101 Pam Hello! This is... the client.
40746 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6101 Creed It's Creed. FYI, I'm starting my own paper company, looking to poach some chumps, you in?
40747 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6101 Pam Yes.
40748 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6101 Creed Hehehe, cool. Let's keep this on the QT, okay? I uh, I don't want you to be a dead mamma jamma.
40749 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6101 Pam Great.
40750 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6101 Creed All right, thank you, bye-bye.
40751 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6101 Pam Thank you, bye-bye.
40752 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6102 Erin Jo, you have one more candidate. He's a burn victim.
40753 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6102 Jo Huh?
40754 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6102 Erin He's all messed up. I can tell him to get lost if you want.
40755 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6102 Jo No, send him in. Who is this?
40756 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6102 Gabe I have no idea.
40757 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6102 Jim Oh, I know this guy. Hello! Mr. "Soo-ven-yay." Mr. "Jacques Soo-ven-yay." Nice to meet you. It says here you're French. So you worked at your last job for 15 years as Assistant to the Regional Manager.
40758 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6102 Dwight Assistant Regional Manager.
40759 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6102 Jim Assistant to the Regional Manager.
40760 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6102 Dwight Assistant Regional Manager.
40761 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6102 Jim What is it?
40762 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6102 Dwight Assistant Regional Manager.
40763 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6102 Jim Oh, that's my mistake, sorry about that. The last paper company you worked for burned to the ground? And all because they wouldn't hire a manager who lived and breathed paper? That's a travesty.
40764 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6102 Jo I want to talk to Dwight Schrute for a second. I want to ask him a question. If he isn't here in sixty seconds...
40765 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6102 Dwight Uhh. Wait. Wait! No. Stop! Stop. Jo... It's me. I'm Dwight.
40766 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6102 Jim No. No! Wait, but, I mean, you're Dwight, and then... he's the...
40767 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6102 Dwight Yeah.
40768 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6102 Jim Ohhhh!
40769 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6102 Gabe Very unprofessional, "Jacques." Or, should I say, Dwight.
40770 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6102 Jo Let's just say I had hired this Jack Souvenir. Then what?
40771 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6102 Dwight I would have dressed this way every day, legally changed my name, learned French sign language, shown up, and been the best damn branch manager you'd ever seen!
40772 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6102 Jo All that for this job.
40773 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6102 Dwight Yes.
40774 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6102 Jo That's f***ing crazy. Get outta here. What a nutjob.
40775 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6103 Jim This guy was good. Although, he did keep saying that he needed two weeks off right at the beginning for a trip to the finger lakes. Seriously. Every five minutes, he was like, "just making sure the finger lakes thing is clear."
40776 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6103 Jo Okay, it's fun to talk about the rejects, but uh, who's got ya excited?
40777 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6103 Jim Finger Lakes guy is good. Darryl is also very good.
40778 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6103 Jo Who's this fella? Went to Cornell. What's wrong with him?
40779 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6103 Gabe How much time do you have? Sales ability? None. Integrity? See sales ability.
40780 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6103 Jo And that's your unbiased opinion.
40781 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6103 Gabe Yes, it is.
40782 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6103 Jo So it's not relevant that he took the receptionist away from you?
40783 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6103 Gabe Oh, Jo. Jo, I'm disappointed in you. Some people let personal things into the workpl-. Is she with him? Because I thought that she was...
40784 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6103 Jo Gabe...ugh... you got all close to these people. Got involved in their lives. Let's get you back to Florida. We'll figure out something for you.
40785 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6103 Gabe That sounds like a promotion!
40786 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6103 Jo It's not. Let's get Kelly in here to take his place.
40787 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6103 Jim Um... why Kelly?
40788 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6103 Jo 'Cause Gabe's tall and weak. She's short and strong. I'm doing an opposites thing.
40789 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6103 Jim Okay.
40790 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6104 Jo How'd my girl Nellie do?
40791 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6104 Jim Oh, I didn't know you knew her?
40792 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6104 Jo She didn't mention it?
40793 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6104 Jim No.
40794 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6104 Jo Integrity move. I like it.
40795 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6104 Jim You know, she also gave me a reason to think that maybe she wasn't a good fit.
40796 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6104 Jo Well, I'm not saying you must hire her. If you find someone who's clearly a fit, then fine. Just make sure they fit real good. No more manager turnover. Don't mess this up, Jim. And give Dwight an interview. I like a little bit of crazy.
40797 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6105 Erin Ahh!
40798 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6105 Oscar Erin, what are you doing?
40799 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6105 Erin I've been turned into a puppet!
40800 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6105 Oscar Okay.
40801 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6105 Kevin Look at the puppet! Hi, puppet! Who are you?
40802 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6105 Erin I went to drop off the FedEx forms and an evil witch named Angela turned me into a puppet!
40803 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6105 Kevin Yeah. Low blow, puppet.
40804 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6105 Erin And there's only one thing that can change me back into a real girl.
40805 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6106 Kevin It's good. It's just that I wish the puppets would talk more about the alphabet. Not for me... but, if any kids are watching... A, B, and so forth. You know,... M-N-L-O, P... F...
40806 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6107 Erin I need the most special thing in the office.
40807 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6107 Dwight Silence?
40808 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6107 Erin A date with the best salesman... Andy Bernard!
40809 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6107 Andy Hey, Erin.
40810 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6107 Erin Oh.
40811 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6107 Andy Where'd you learn how to puppet like that?
40812 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6107 Erin I've done it all my life.
40813 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6107 Andy Listen, I'm really flattered, but I don't think we should.
40814 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6108 Andy Erin's my best friend in this office, hands down, but... when she asked me out, I just didn't have that feeling, you know? Aren't there some things that you really want to like, but you just can't... seem to like it, like, Mad Men... or football... Let's not forget, Erin chose Gabe over me. That happened. I'm not going to apologize for getting over her, okay? I'm sorry. I would go for someone who's more... she's great, though.
40815 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6109 Angela Stanley, I won't be able to invite everyone to the wedding, because we want to keep it to 350.
40816 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6109 Stanley I'll get over it.
40817 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6109 Angela I mean, we just have to see how many Senators and members of Congress want to attend, before we can open it up to regular people. Pam, you know how you and Jim did your ironic wedding? Do you still have the plans for the dream wedding that you couldn't afford?
40818 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6109 Pam That was our dream wedding.
40819 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6109 Angela Niagara Falls? Pregnant? That was your dream? Pork medallions?
40820 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6109 Pam I hope... you have a very beautiful wedding, Angela.
40821 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6109 Angela Hmm.
40822 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6110 Jim All right. Name.
40823 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6110 Dwight Dwight Schrute.
40824 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6110 Jim Thank you, Mr. Schnoot. We will let you know.
40825 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6110 Dwight You have to interview me...
40826 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6110 Jim I just did. The answer to that one question told me everything I need to know.
40827 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6110 Dwight I demand more questions!
40828 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6110 Jim All right, guys, good day, a lot of candidates. Let's discuss.
40829 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6110 Dwight Okay! If you're not going to interview me, then I'll do it.
40830 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6110 Jim Yes.
40831 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6110 Dwight What will be your first priority? I will have seven first priorities. Safety, profits, fostering a community of self-reliance and entrepreneurship, listening, respect for human life, bolstering our public image, and... getting everyone home on time. Dwight, let me be frank. In an accident that no one can blame you for, an antique gun was discharged while you were acting manager. How are we ever to trust you again? That's a great question. I am going to institute a strict no-firearms policy for this office that extends to myself as well. Wow. All of my concerns are disappearing.
40832 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6110 Jim Thank you, Dwight.
40833 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6110 Dwight Thank you. You'll be hearing from us shortly, Mr. Schrute, and I think you're gonna like the call you're going to receive. Oh, come on. I'm just happy that I got this meeting.
40834 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6110 Jim Well, that was quick.
40835 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6110 Kelly Very, very interesting. And you know what? I'm impressed.
40836 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6110 Jim He's not a real candidate.
40837 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6110 Kelly I don't know, Jim, 'cause, makes me think about something my grandfather used to say, which is that, sometimes, the hand that jumps out of the grave and grabs you around the throat; that is the hand that you want on the wheel.
40838 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6110 Jim You took the deal.
40839 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6110 Kelly Yeah, it was a great deal.
40840 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6110 Jim That's not okay.
40841 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6110 Kelly I don't know. Dwight seems like a great leader to me, and I look forward to the personal perks that he promised me privately. What do you think, Toby?
40842 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6110 Toby Well, we could try him out for a little while... and if it doesn't work out, you know, maybe one of us could, you know, step in...
40843 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6110 Jim What is happening right now?
40844 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Phyllis Is it true that you're making Dwight the manager?
40845 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Jim No, why would you think that?
40846 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Phyllis He and Kelly said, then they pre-fired me.
40847 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Jim Okay. Okay, guys, just so you all know, no decision has been made, and Dwight is definitely not the boss.
40848 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Kelly That is correct. Actually, Dwight is not the manager yet.
40849 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Jim No, no, no. Not ever, 'cause that's not gonna happen.
40850 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Dwight Well, it's not entirely up to you, is it? Seems to me like someone's getting a little power-mad.
40851 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Jim Am I the only one who remembers what he did when he was in charge? I feel like I'm going a little bit crazy.
40852 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Andy Tuna... You're completely sane.
40853 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Jim Thank you.
40854 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Andy Who do you like for the job? Is there anyone who maybe was a little underwhelming at first, but now seems like a safe, if not slightly unexciting, choice?
40855 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Jim Okay, seems like everybody has an opinion. So, who else? Anybody?
40856 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Kevin Do you mean it? Anybody? Are you sure?
40857 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Jim I suppose I am.
40858 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Kevin Okay... well what do 'I' want in a manager?... let me see. what do 'I' want?...
40859 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Oscar I don't think he meant, that--
40860 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Kevin So now anyone gets to talk at any times?
40861 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Oscar Go ahead.
40862 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Kevin What do 'I' want?... I'm looking for someone... who... Everyone is listening to me.
40863 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Oscar Can I say...?
40864 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Jim Yes.
40865 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Oscar I think it should be Darryl.
40866 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Jim Okay.
40867 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Dwight What a surprise! Minorities sticking together.
40868 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Oscar Kelly's on your side.
40869 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Kelly I'm sorry, is that all you think of me? A minority? I am so much more than that. I am a dancer, I'm a singer, I'm a fashion designer.
40870 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Andy Whoever it is, I think they should be lame. Kind a a non-threatening, moderate personality.
40871 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Ryan I want an outsider.
40872 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Jim Perfect. There are several outside candidates that we think would be really-
40873 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Ryan No, I mean an outsider. Like someone on the margins of society, who doesn't see things the way we do, like a homeless person.
40874 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Pam A homeless person. Really? A homeless person.
40875 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Ryan No, you're right, Pam, let's just leave him to the welfare system and let that handle it.
40876 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Pam No, I want you to say that you think the 'best' person to be our new manager is a homeless person.
40877 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6111 Ryan Let me guess who you want, Pam. Rachael Ray? The ladies of The View?
40878 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6112 Ryan I got away with... everything, under the last boss, and it wasn't good for me, at all. So, I want guidance. I want leadership. But don't just, like, boss me around, you know? Like, lead me. Lead me... when I'm in the mood... to be led.
40879 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6113 Meredith I just want, for once, a smart, professional, decisive, well-hung man in his forties.
40880 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6113 Jim Hey! Hey! Hey!
40881 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6113 Meredith Okay, fine. Uhh, the guy with a tiny pen1s. Are you happy? Let's hire that guy!
40882 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6113 Andy She may have a point there... would a small pen1s work? Small-to-moderate.
40883 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6113 Gabe Gotta catch a plane.
40884 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6113 Pam Ohh, hey Gabe, I'm sorry, we... we didn't get you a cake or anything. We're gonna miss you.
40885 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6113 Gabe Oh, well I'm still the corporate liaison to the branch.
40886 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6113 Kelly You are not leaving without giving me a hug. Ughh.
40887 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6113 Gabe Okay, you know what, you don't need to make that sound.
40888 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6113 Kelly I'm sorry! You were just a lot bonier than I thought you were gonna be!
40889 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6113 Gabe There are plenty of people who love touching me. I'm a terrific hugger. I've been with a bunch of girls where that's basically all they want to do. I will see you all soon.
40890 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6113 Kevin Later, man.
40891 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6113 All Good luck! Goodbye! Good luck at your new job.
40892 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6113 Ryan Take care, man.
40893 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6113 Dwight We're gonna miss you, Gabe.
40894 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6113 Andy Uh, listen up. Listen up, ladies. I want the job. There, I said it. I'm educated. I'm capable. I like all of you... and I won't make any changes.
40895 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6113 Erin I see it. I see it like I see a mountain that I'm standing in front of and facing, and I'm like...
40896 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6113 Phyllis Yeah. Yeah, Andy would be wonderful as boss. Erin made a good point.
40897 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6114 Phyllis No, we're not related. I got the call. But... I'll tell her some other day.
40898 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6115 Jim What about Darryl? We can all agree that he's a stand-up guy, right?
40899 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6115 Angela Well, let me be clear. I only speak for myself, and not myself and the Senator. I think we have some wonderful candidates, and there's a great, lively debate here, but let's think about-
40900 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6115 Toby No, no,... no. Sorry. We cut Kevin off for the same thing. You have to have something to say, if you talk.
40901 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6115 Kevin Exactly.
40902 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6115 Darryl Jada, no, no, no, Jada, what are you doing? Oh. So sorry, guys. I hope my family didn't disrupt your meeting.
40903 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6115 Jada Daddy, are these the people who are making you manager?
40904 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6115 Darryl Maybe, sweetheart. Single dad. Challenges.
40905 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6115 Jada I don't know if he'd be a good manager , but he's a really great dad!
40906 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6115 Darryl Okay, shush it. This was a mistake. Let's go.
40907 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6115 Phyllis It seems like we all know enough to vote. Should we just vote now?
40908 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6115 Jim What? No, no, it's not a vote.
40909 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6115 Phyllis Then what was this all about?
40910 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6115 Jim I don't know. This conversation really got away from me.
40911 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6115 Kelly I don't care. They can just vote.
40912 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6115 Jim No, they can't. That's not how this is gonna work. We're going in this room, we're going to have a meeting. We're gonna make a recommendation to Jo, and she's gonna give you her recommendation on Monday. Okay? What the hell happened out there?
40913 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6116 Andy Sometimes you hear about people failing upwards. I think I'm about to do that.
40914 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6117 Nellie This job? Oh, yeah, I'll get it. Jo's an old friend. I think... I'm her best friend. She's not my best friend.
40915 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6118 Darryl Every day I have a blueberry muffin. Today, I did not have a blueberry muffin. Should have had the blueberry muffin... especially considering how incredibly superstitious I am.
40916 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6119 Fred No, I've never been more sure of anything in my life. I will be the new boss of... Vance Refrigeration.
40917 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6120 Merv Honestly, I think I... I sabotaged myself. It's like I'm afraid of being happy. Case in point... I was supposed to start another job today.
40918 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6121 Robert I will get offered the job. That's a... call I've received many times. The slight hopefulness in their voice, the pregnant pause... while they wait to hear my response, and then... my response.
40919 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6122 Finger Lakes Guy I want the job. I really do. It's just, the rest of my family's in the Finger Lakes right now. I'm supposed to be in the Finger Lakes right now. I told them I was on a hike; snuck away to do this interview. I gotta get back pretty soon; they'll worry. People disappear in the Finger Lakes.
40920 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6123 Dwight I will run this branch, or I will destroy this branch, or... I don't know. Something always works out.
40921 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6124 Creed You remind me so much of my fourth-biggest client.
40922 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6124 Pam Is that right?
40923 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6124 Creed I think you two should meet.
40924 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6124 Pam Well, okay!
40925 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6124 Creed Hey Jordana! Patch my ninth- and fourth-biggest clients together.
40926 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6124 Pam Hello!
40927 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6124 Pam Hello!
40928 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6124 Pam Hi, how are ya?
40929 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6124 Pam Ohho! I'm good! Don't you just love paper, and things about paper!
40930 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6124 Pam Hey, are you single? This seems like a love connection to me!
40931 7 25 Search Committee (Parts 1&2) 6124 Creed It's Kismet!
40932 8 1 The List 6125 Oscar Oh, for God's sake.
40933 8 1 The List 6126 Oscar Planking is a very stupid and dangerous trend. Basically, you lie like a plank in weird places. That's it. Sometimes you get run over. Welcome to the Internet.
40934 8 1 The List 6127 Erin Planking is one of those things where, eh, you either get it or you don't. And I don't. But I am so excited to be a part of it.
40935 8 1 The List 6128 Andy After you my good sir.
40936 8 1 The List 6128 Dwight No, I insist.
40937 8 1 The List 6128 Andy I insist.
40938 8 1 The List 6129 Jim The Search Committee finally decided, after a lot of deliberation, on Robert California... for the manager position. Who took one look around and left. He drove down to Florida and convinced Joe to make him CEO... CEO... her own job. He talked her out of her own job. And I don't really know how someone does that. But, anyway, then the position was his to fill.  And he chose...
40939 8 1 The List 6130 Andy I... it's unbelievable. True, I may have been the second choice, but I was the first-choice's first choice. And, about Dwight, I sensed that he might have some resentment about not getting the job so I sat him down and we had a talk. And I told him, "I need a really strong number two. I want you to be my enforcer." Smart, right?
40940 8 1 The List 6130 Kelly (planking on top of cabinet] Very smart.
40941 8 1 The List 6130 Andy Uh, this has got to stop.
40942 8 1 The List 6130 Kelly I can't get down.
40943 8 1 The List 6131 Dwight K... Kevin!
40944 8 1 The List 6132 Dwight Yeah, at first, I was really disappointed, but I've got a great daily routine going right now. I have upped my karate to eight times a week. I've added boxing - lunches and on weekends. I do kickboxing three times a week. Krav Maga four times a week. An hour of meditation every morning at sunrise and again at sunset. So yeah, I'm doin' great.
40945 8 1 The List 6133 Dwight K, I'm gonna need some help. Pam?
40946 8 1 The List 6133 Pam I don't think I should.
40947 8 1 The List 6134 Jim Oh, yeah. Pregnant.
40948 8 1 The List 6134 Pam Right here. Little Michael Scott-
40949 8 1 The List 6134 Jim No, I told you I don't like that joke. It is a boy. We found out early.
40950 8 1 The List 6134 Pam Much different the second time around. And I have to say; it is nice not being the only pregnant woman in the office.
40951 8 1 The List 6135 Angela Look, it's a â˜Little Pregs' and â˜Big Pregs'
40952 8 1 The List 6135 Pam Wait, when did we start calling it that-
40953 8 1 The List 6135 Angela Isn't it amazing, the difference in our sizes?
40954 8 1 The List 6135 Pam Well, I am a few months ahead of you.
40955 8 1 The List 6135 Angela I am having a child with my husband, the Senator. And Pam is having a child with Jim... the great salesman.
40956 8 1 The List 6136 Dwight Hoist him aloft. C'mon Darryl. Lift, lift Darryl.
40957 8 1 The List 6136 Darryl I'm lifting.
40958 8 1 The List 6137 Darryl Yeah, I wanted the manager job, but I got somethin' much better. This soda. This is mine.
40959 8 1 The List 6138 Stanley It might be easier if you take a deep breath, lift from the knees, and shove it up your butt.
40960 8 1 The List 6139 Stanley I came up with a new thing this summer. I act like I'm telling someone how to do somethin'. I go on with a long description and then I say, "and shove it up your butt." It's stupid, but it's my thing now.
40961 8 1 The List 6140 Jim No one should be planking at all.
40962 8 1 The List 6140 Andy Thank you, yes. Dwight, my enforcer, my number two, can you take care of this?
40963 8 1 The List 6140 Dwight Say no more.
40964 8 1 The List 6141 Dwight Kids, don't try planking. It's dangerous. â˜Specially with me around.
40965 8 1 The List 6142 Jim You watching that commercial again? Why do you keep watching it, if you know it's just gonna make you cry?
40966 8 1 The List 6142 Pam Because everything makes me cry, so what's the difference? This dog, he just wants to protect his bone.
40967 8 1 The List 6142 Jim He's got a bank vault. That's a start.
40968 8 1 The List 6142 Pam Not enough though.
40969 8 1 The List 6143 Jim The new CEO works out of the conference room about half the time. But whenever he takes a break, he does these weird walks around the office. And you never know who he's gonna zero in on for these really intense small-talks. You just hope it's not you. And yet, you hope it is you too. It's strange.
40970 8 1 The List 6144 Erin Here we go.
40971 8 1 The List 6144 Robert Hello.
40972 8 1 The List 6144 Erin Robert California. Let's have a conversation.
40973 8 1 The List 6144 Robert Describe your day so far.
40974 8 1 The List 6144 Erin Well, I woke up. And I hit the snooze-
40975 8 1 The List 6144 Robert And when you recount your day, never say you woke up. It's a waste of your time. That's how every day's begun, for everyone, since the dawn of man.
40976 8 1 The List 6144 Erin Very smart, very smart. Suddenly, I was awake. And I've been doing this thing-
40977 8 1 The List 6144 Andy Hey, Robert. We have that 9:30am casual chit-chat scheduled. I emailed you about it last night to confirm. And again this morning.
40978 8 1 The List 6145 Andy First item on the agenda: can I get everyone an extra long Columbus Day weekend. Item number two, connect with the guy. Robert California, what does he think of me? Don't know, super care. Number three, time permitting, we lost our biggest client.
40979 8 1 The List 6146 Erin Pam, pam. Psst. Pam.
40980 8 1 The List 6146 Pam Jim.
40981 8 1 The List 6146 Jim Can I call you right back? Thank you very much. Okay. What is this?
40982 8 1 The List 6147 Andy The Friday before Columbus Day. Thoughts?
40983 8 1 The List 6147 Robert What are your thoughts.
40984 8 1 The List 6147 Andy Just making chit-chat. Kind of a medium year for women's soccer, no?
40985 8 1 The List 6148 Dwight What are you looking at?
40986 8 1 The List 6148 Jim It's, it's nothing.
40987 8 1 The List 6148 Dwight It can't be nothing.
40988 8 1 The List 6148 Phyllis Yeah, it can't be nothing.
40989 8 1 The List 6148 Jim It's just a list of our names, split into two columns.
40990 8 1 The List 6148 Stanley What?
40991 8 1 The List 6148 Jim Okay, just wait one second, alright? I will copy it. Do you have a pen?
40992 8 1 The List 6148 Erin No.
40993 8 1 The List 6148 Jim No. Okay. Um, I'll take a photo of it. Dwight, can you throw me my phone?
40994 8 1 The List 6148 Dwight Nice catch.
40995 8 1 The List 6148 Pam If he comes out, distract him.
40996 8 1 The List 6148 Kevin We need a warning signal.
40997 8 1 The List 6148 Jim We don't need a warning signal, Kevin. We can see him right there-
40998 8 1 The List 6148 Kevin We do.
40999 8 1 The List 6148 Jim I promise you, we don't need a warning-
41000 8 1 The List 6148 Kevin WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!
41001 8 1 The List 6148 Phyllis Ahhh!
41002 8 1 The List 6148 Dwight Phyllis! Phyllis! You okay? You okay?
41003 8 1 The List 6148 Phyllis Yeah. Yeah. Oh.
41004 8 1 The List 6148 Dwight ... 2, 3!
41005 8 1 The List 6148 Phyllis Thanks guys.
41006 8 1 The List 6148 Dwight Okay, which side of the list am I on?
41007 8 1 The List 6148 Jim Left.
41008 8 1 The List 6148 Dwight Yes!
41009 8 1 The List 6148 Jim Why are you- How do you know?
41010 8 1 The List 6149 Andy Really great list of names guys. Thank you so much. Good work.
41011 8 1 The List 6149 Jim Uh, no, actually. That was in Robert's notebook.
41012 8 1 The List 6149 Pam He left it at reception and we photocopied it.
41013 8 1 The List 6149 Andy Oh, okay. I don't want any part of this.
41014 8 1 The List 6149 Pam Maybe it's a list of people he's gonna fire.
41015 8 1 The List 6149 Jim Okay, it's not that Pam. You know, I was thinking it reminds me of those lists Dwight used to make.
41016 8 1 The List 6150 Dwight This is if we were all on a cruise ship and had to divide into lifeboats. This is if we were on a cruise ship and had to divide into life rafts. Here's something. Who would eat who in an â˜Alive' situation. No... that can't be it.
41017 8 1 The List 6150 Andy I gotta say. Kinda seems like the left side's the side to be on. Me, Jim, Dwight, Darryl. No offense Pam.
41018 8 1 The List 6150 Jim I don't think it's-
41019 8 1 The List 6150 Pam â˜Scuse me?
41020 8 1 The List 6150 Dwight Shhh, Pam. C'mon, don't be such a right-sider.
41021 8 1 The List 6151 Angela Did you guys figure it out?
41022 8 1 The List 6151 Andy We couldn't crack it.
41023 8 1 The List 6151 Stanley Go in there and just ask the man what it means.
41024 8 1 The List 6151 Andy He'll know that we looked at his private notebook.
41025 8 1 The List 6151 Phyllis C'mon, just say you saw the list by accident.
41026 8 1 The List 6151 Andy I'm already working on this Columbus Day thing for you guys and it's starting to stack up. Feels like a lot. One thing at a time.
41027 8 1 The List 6151 Phyllis Yeah, that's all you had to do today was ask about Columbus Day?
41028 8 1 The List 6152 Robert Yes, for god's sake Andy. Yes, come in.
41029 8 1 The List 6152 Andy What's up? Weird thing. Totally awkward, but you left your notebook on the reception desk.
41030 8 1 The List 6152 Robert Great. Thank you.
41031 8 1 The List 6152 Andy And it was open. And people saw this. And they're just kinda going nuts and like wondering what it is.
41032 8 1 The List 6152 Robert What is this?
41033 8 1 The List 6152 Andy It's a photocopy from your notebook.
41034 8 1 The List 6152 Robert You read my notebook? And photocopied it. And distributed it.
41035 8 1 The List 6152 Andy No. They did. And they asked me to ask about it.
41036 8 1 The List 6152 Robert Ah, please. Here's what it is. It's a doodle.
41037 8 1 The List 6152 Andy What?
41038 8 1 The List 6152 Robert Some people doodle at work when they let their mind run. They draw houses, penises. Funny how the houses are always colonials and the penises are always circumcised. Don't you think? Well, I doodle too, but I'm not an artist. So I draw words and lists.
41039 8 1 The List 6152 Andy That is fascinating. And, by the way, I am so glad I asked. People were just sort of- Did you just move my name?
41040 8 1 The List 6152 Robert Might as well have been sketching a cube.
41041 8 1 The List 6153 Andy Okay. Robert's in the annex, everybody think quick. What do these groups have in common?
41042 8 1 The List 6153 Meredith Maybe we're s'posed to do it with people in our group.
41043 8 1 The List 6153 Jim That's not it.
41044 8 1 The List 6153 Meredith People in the other group.
41045 8 1 The List 6153 Jim Mmum, still wrong.
41046 8 1 The List 6153 Andy Stanley, you do puzzles all day. Whatdo we got?
41047 8 1 The List 6153 Stanley Well, you take the first letter from each name, assign it a number, add â˜em all up, and SHOVE IT UP YOUR BUTT!
41048 8 1 The List 6153 Andy Thank you. A little much needed comic relief, but we really need to figure this out guys.
41049 8 1 The List 6153 Kevin I know! It's alphabetical.
41050 8 1 The List 6153 Everyone No.
41051 8 1 The List 6153 Dwight No, it's not. Here's how we find out. Let's line up and compare the lines, see if we learn anything. Okay, left-siders over here. Right-siders, line up over here. Face each other. Match it by height and relative weight. Let's just size each other up here and left side of the list... ATTACK!
41052 8 1 The List 6153 Jim Wait, wait, wait! Stop! Stop! Stop! Will you stop?!
41053 8 1 The List 6153 Andy Dwight!
41054 8 1 The List 6153 Meredith Hey!
41055 8 1 The List 6153 Kevin Warning! Warning! Warning!
41056 8 1 The List 6153 Robert I'd like to invite the following people to join me for lunch: Jim, Dwight, Angela, Darryl, Kevin, Toby, Phyllis, Oscar.
41057 8 1 The List 6153 Dwight That's great. Let's do this guys.
41058 8 1 The List 6153 Jim Alright, well, I will see you in a bit.
41059 8 1 The List 6153 Pam I love you so much.
41060 8 1 The List 6153 Jim Hey. It's nothing. Alright? I'll text you when we get there. Let you know what's going on.
41061 8 1 The List 6153 Pam Okay.
41062 8 1 The List 6153 Jim Nope. No dog video.
41063 8 1 The List 6153 Pam Okay.
41064 8 1 The List 6153 Jim Okay. See you guys.
41065 8 1 The List 6153 Andy Well, we should all be really excited about our very own pizza party. Pizza partay! Pizza! Partay! Pizza! Partay!
41066 8 1 The List 6154 Robert Jim, your daughter, Cecilia. What does she think of the street?
41067 8 1 The List 6154 Jim Uhhh, the street?
41068 8 1 The List 6154 Robert Sesame street.
41069 8 1 The List 6154 Jim Oh, I didn't know anybody called it- She likes it a lot- she, uh, loves Elmo.
41070 8 1 The List 6154 Robert Elmo, god's sake, it's the Elmo era.
41071 8 1 The List 6154 Jim Right.
41072 8 1 The List 6154 Robert Sesame Street was created to reflect the environment of the children watching it. Complete self-absorption of Elmo is brilliantly reflective of our time. Ours is a cultural ghetto. Wouldn't you agree.
41073 8 1 The List 6154 Jim Yeah, she does like Elmo.
41074 8 1 The List 6154 Oscar Cultural ghetto? Totally- totally agree.
41075 8 1 The List 6154 Phyllis Completely.
41076 8 1 The List 6154 Darryl Apt. Apt analysis, Robert.
41077 8 1 The List 6154 Kevin The thing that I like about Elmo is the tickling.
41078 8 1 The List 6154 Toby I should not be here. I'm in the- I was in the wrong- I'm- I'm sorry. Uh, just picture me back there. I- I was never here.
41079 8 1 The List 6155 Andy Great group! Pizza party!
41080 8 1 The List 6155 Kelly How is this a pizza party?
41081 8 1 The List 6155 Andy Well, why don't you ask me again when the five pizzas get here.
41082 8 1 The List 6155 Kelly Yeah, well, that's just pizza. You need at least one other element for it to be a party.
41083 8 1 The List 6155 Andy Okay. You guys ever had Margarita pizza?
41084 8 1 The List 6155 Stanley What's that?
41085 8 1 The List 6155 Andy Fresh tomato with a dollop of mozzarella cheese.
41086 8 1 The List 6155 Stanley That's pizza.
41087 8 1 The List 6155 Pam That's regular pizza.
41088 8 1 The List 6156 Dwight You know, I feel comfortable enough now to ask you this question... what made you pick this group?
41089 8 1 The List 6156 Robert I just think you guys are winners and I wanted to have lunch with you.
41090 8 1 The List 6156 Dwight Okay!
41091 8 1 The List 6156 Everyone Awww.
41092 8 1 The List 6156 Phyllis Well, what about the other guys.
41093 8 1 The List 6156 Dwight Losers.
41094 8 1 The List 6156 Robert No.
41095 8 1 The List 6156 Dwight C'mon.
41096 8 1 The List 6156 Robert I don't- I don't wanna say-
41097 8 1 The List 6156 Dwight C'mon, c'mon.
41098 8 1 The List 6156 Robert No, no.
41099 8 1 The List 6156 Dwight C'mon.
41100 8 1 The List 6156 Robert Ha, I guess I think they're losers.
41101 8 1 The List 6156 Dwight Ha ha, I knew it! Ha ha! Yes! Woo!
41102 8 1 The List 6156 Robert Probably shouldn't have said that.
41103 8 1 The List 6157 Andy Ah hah! Their interpretation of Margarita pizza. Fans of classic pizza will be psyched.
41104 8 1 The List 6157 Pam Oh, text from Jim. "This is getting very weird. Will explain later."
41105 8 1 The List 6157 Pam Oh, text from Kevin.
41106 8 1 The List 6157 Meredith "Suck it losers."
41107 8 1 The List 6158 Ryan Okay, not to point out the glaringly obvious, but doesn't the fact that I'm in this group make anyone feel just a little bit better? Oh! This crust is sharp!
41108 8 1 The List 6158 Pam I used to be young and cute and sorta funny and I could do those cute, little cartoons. And everyone who came through here was like, "Who's that receptionist? I like her." Now I'm just a fat mom. Yeah, and you take one look at me and you're like, "Oh, loser."
41109 8 1 The List 6158 Andy C'mon Pam. Chins up, okay? Bad joke. Look around this room. Does this look like a group of losers? Seriously?
41110 8 1 The List 6158 Pam Oh. Oh God.
41111 8 1 The List 6158 Kelly Oh. Hey guys! We had so much fun. We had Margarita pizza. We all hung out. Got to know each other better. How was your lunch?
41112 8 1 The List 6158 Angela It was excellent.
41113 8 1 The List 6158 Darryl Good times.
41114 8 1 The List 6158 Andy Yeah?
41115 8 1 The List 6158 Dwight Oh, we did. It was the best time. And you know what? Now it's over. Back to work everyone. You too Andy.
41116 8 1 The List 6159 Kevin I knew it. I just knew, my whole life, that everyone was wrong about me. My parents, my teachers, my friends, the doctors. Everyone.
41117 8 1 The List 6160 Jim Well, that was certainly an odd lunch. Is everything alright?
41118 8 1 The List 6160 Pam Yeah, I'm fine.
41119 8 1 The List 6161 Kevin Loser. Losers.
41120 8 1 The List 6161 Meredith Just take the casserole out of the- Take it out of the refrigerator and put it in the oven. It'll be fine, just leave it in for 20 minutes.
41121 8 1 The List 6162 Andy When I was a salesman I could just be like "Not my job, not my prob. I'm going to the warehouse to polish my knob." Metaphorically, of course. But now, it is my job and my prob.
41122 8 1 The List 6163 Andy Hi, Robert? Can you come out here please it's really important. Just wanted to clarify something. Some people here are under the misconception that some people may be considered, uh, let's say top-tier and others would be second-tier.
41123 8 1 The List 6163 Robert I never said that.
41124 8 1 The List 6163 Andy Thank you. Great. Robert. I said winners and losers. Is that what you're talking about?
41125 8 1 The List 6163 Andy Oh, that, it might- That might actually be what I'm thinking of. Can you clarify that?
41126 8 1 The List 6163 Robert Let me tell you some things I find productive. Positive reinforcement. Negative reinforcement. Honesty. I'll tell you some things I find unproductive. Constantly worrying about where you stand based on inscrutable social clues. And then, inevitably reframing it all in a reassuring way so that you can get to sleep at night. No, I do not believe in that at all. If I invited you to lunch, I think you're a winner. If I didn't, I don't. But I just met you all. Life is long, opinions change. Winners prove me right. Losers, prove me wrong.
41127 8 1 The List 6163 Phyllis Whew, well. I guess that's that.
41128 8 1 The List 6163 Andy No. No, no.
41129 8 1 The List 6163 Erin Andy, don't go in there!
41130 8 1 The List 6163 Andy I'm going in there.
41131 8 1 The List 6164 Andy I know that every time I talk to you things just seem to get worse. But, you don't know these people and I do. And if I let you work with faulty information, well, then I'm not doing my job as regional manager. So, please take this pen and change your list.
41132 8 1 The List 6164 Robert I'm not gonna change my list, Andy, and I don't use ballpoint pens.
41133 8 1 The List 6164 Andy Well, then I will make a new list for you. Stanley... you may think he's a lazy grump, but did you know that he has the most consistently high sales numbers of anyone in this office? And you may think he's hard to love, but did you know that he's in, not one, but two long-term romantic relationships?
41134 8 1 The List 6164 Robert I did not know about the sales figures.
41135 8 1 The List 6164 Andy Meredith Palmer... Supplier relations. The word "no" not even in her vocabulary. And just to show you that I'm being fair. You had Gabe in the loser column. I think that is astute. Good call. Pam, easily the most creative and kind person I have ever worked with.
41136 8 1 The List 6164 Dwight Jim, shut the door. This is just gross.
41137 8 1 The List 6164 Jim Shhh.
41138 8 1 The List 6164 Andy Erin Hannon, the receptionist and my closest confidant. A winner if there ever was one.
41139 8 1 The List 6165 Erin I like my new group. I liked my old group.
41140 8 1 The List 6166 Robert Are we done?
41141 8 1 The List 6166 Andy Yes. No! The Friday before Columbus Day, we're gonna take a half-day, so that everyone can get a jump on the long weekend.
41142 8 1 The List 6166 Robert You want a three and half day weekend for Columbus Day?
41143 8 1 The List 6166 Andy Yes, I do.
41144 8 1 The List 6166 Robert And you are aware that Columbus and his legions committed genocide against an entire civilization of Native Americans.
41145 8 1 The List 6166 Andy I don't care.
41146 8 1 The List 6167 Andy Hey guys. So Columbus Day, we got that half-day on Friday.
41147 8 1 The List 6167 Stanley We get that every year.
41148 8 1 The List 6167 Andy Well, you got it this year too.
41149 8 1 The List 6167 Phyllis Good night, Andy.
41150 8 1 The List 6167 Andy Night.
41151 8 1 The List 6167 Angela Bye.
41152 8 1 The List 6167 Oscar Good night Andy.
41153 8 1 The List 6167 Dwight Good night.
41154 8 1 The List 6167 Andy Night.
41155 8 1 The List 6168 Jim Alright, I'm gonna go warm up the car.
41156 8 1 The List 6168 Pam Okay. Oh, uh, you dropped something. Jim?
41157 8 1 The List 6169 Pam Okay, I know I've been crying easily today, but- I mean, that's just pretty killer, right? I mean, maybe it's stupid. No. It's wonderful. I'm gonna frame it. I can always unframe it.
41158 8 2 The Incentive 6170 Jim Hey, so this isn't matching up with this...and I'm not sure which one's right. Can you just hunt down the original for me?
41159 8 2 The Incentive 6170 Kevin Yes. Me do.
41160 8 2 The Incentive 6170 Jim Alright.
41161 8 2 The Incentive 6171 Jim Hey Kev, what were you saying before about the paperwork?
41162 8 2 The Incentive 6171 Kevin Me do it now. Go. Stop worry.
41163 8 2 The Incentive 6171 Pam Kevin, do you feel OK?
41164 8 2 The Incentive 6171 Kevin Me feel good. Body strong. Sleep big last night.
41165 8 2 The Incentive 6171 Pam Yeah, I think we should get him to the hospital.
41166 8 2 The Incentive 6171 Jim Yeah, alright Kev why don't you come with us?
41167 8 2 The Incentive 6171 Oscar No, guys.
41168 8 2 The Incentive 6171 Angela No, he's fine.
41169 8 2 The Incentive 6171 Oscar He's fine.
41170 8 2 The Incentive 6171 Angela He's always been like that.
41171 8 2 The Incentive 6171 Pam No he hasn't.
41172 8 2 The Incentive 6171 Angela I mean, he's gotten worse over the years....
41173 8 2 The Incentive 6171 Oscar He's making a statement. It's an ironic comment on our expectations of him. A funhouse image of our model of Kevin.
41174 8 2 The Incentive 6171 Kevin You keep think that.
41175 8 2 The Incentive 6172 Kevin Me mechanic not speak English. But he know what me mean when me say "car no go", and we best friends. So me think: why waste time, say lot word when few word do trick?
41176 8 2 The Incentive 6173 Andy Kevin, I appreciate what you're trying to do.
41177 8 2 The Incentive 6173 Kevin Thank.
41178 8 2 The Incentive 6173 Andy Here, we have a word code, the same way we have a dress code. And what we're talking about is...basically the speech equivalent... to just wearing underpants. Sometimes words, you no need use...but need need for talk talk.
41179 8 2 The Incentive 6173 Kevin But save time. More success.
41180 8 2 The Incentive 6173 Jim Does it save time though? â˜Cause we've been here for about an hour.
41181 8 2 The Incentive 6173 Kevin No me fault.
41182 8 2 The Incentive 6173 Pam Kevin, at most you're saving a microscopic amount of time.
41183 8 2 The Incentive 6173 Kevin Many small time make big time.
41184 8 2 The Incentive 6173 Andy What are you gonna do with all this time?
41185 8 2 The Incentive 6173 Kevin See world.
41186 8 2 The Incentive 6173 Pam Kevin, you cannot possibly save enough time to see the world.
41187 8 2 The Incentive 6173 Jim K, Kevin, are you saying "See the world"? or "Sea World?"
41188 8 2 The Incentive 6173 Kevin See world. Oceans. Fish. Jump. China.
41189 8 2 The Incentive 6173 Jim No, see? Right there, that's the problem with your method. â˜Cause I still don't know if you're saying "Sea World" or "see the world," and it's taking a lot of time to explain it.
41190 8 2 The Incentive 6173 Kevin Fine, fine. I'll talk normally.
41191 8 2 The Incentive 6174 Kevin When me President, they see. They see.
41192 8 2 The Incentive 6175 Dwight This week we are rolling out the brand new Sabre tablet....the Pyramid.
41193 8 2 The Incentive 6175 Phyllis Ooh, why is it shaped like that?
41194 8 2 The Incentive 6175 Dwight So, you can tell your clients: "Unleash the power of the pyramid."
41195 8 2 The Incentive 6175 Pam It's huge. How much does it weigh?
41196 8 2 The Incentive 6175 Dwight Oh no no no. Without the battery pack and optional memory booster, it's barely three pounds.
41197 8 2 The Incentive 6175 Ryan How much memory does it have without the booster?
41198 8 2 The Incentive 6175 Dwight Fifty L.
41199 8 2 The Incentive 6175 Ryan I'm sorry," L"?
41200 8 2 The Incentive 6175 Jim How many L to a K?
41201 8 2 The Incentive 6175 Dwight You're really going to want the booster.
41202 8 2 The Incentive 6175 Stanley How on earth are we supposed to sell...?
41203 8 2 The Incentive 6175 Jim I'll take five.
41204 8 2 The Incentive 6175 Phyllis Andy, don't make us sell this stupid thing.
41205 8 2 The Incentive 6175 Andy Oh, no no no no no. This is Dwight's meeting.
41206 8 2 The Incentive 6175 Dwight Thank you.
41207 8 2 The Incentive 6175 Andy I just wanted to pop in and get your opinions on ties...and tie clips. Which combo do you think Robert is going to like more? What do you think, C-SPAN?
41208 8 2 The Incentive 6175 Oscar ..."C-SPAN"?
41209 8 2 The Incentive 6175 Andy Yeah. C-SPAN, cocker spaniel. Spaniel because of your Spanish bloodline and cocker cause......
41210 8 2 The Incentive 6175 Dwight Is this really the best use of our collective time?
41211 8 2 The Incentive 6175 Andy I am still forming a first impression with Robert. Once it is formed, we can all relax. Ok, I'm sorry to hijack your meeting , D dub dog...had to pull rank.
41212 8 2 The Incentive 6175 Dwight OK, let's look at some ties.
41213 8 2 The Incentive 6176 Dwight Here's how I'm going to help out from now on. I'm going to not care, and I'm going to sit around quietly waiting for Andy's inevitable demise.
41214 8 2 The Incentive 6177 Dwight Your friend Neil Patrick Harris really made me laugh the other night.
41215 8 2 The Incentive 6177 Erin Um, D-Dog, you have a message.
41216 8 2 The Incentive 6177 Pam Erin, you don't need to call him that.
41217 8 2 The Incentive 6177 Erin Andy wants us to, P-Dog.
41218 8 2 The Incentive 6177 Darryl It's ok E-Dog, just who called?
41219 8 2 The Incentive 6177 Erin Justine. She said she's coming by later.
41220 8 2 The Incentive 6177 Jim Your ex-wife?
41221 8 2 The Incentive 6177 Kevin Wait, I thought she was a **** and you ******* hated her guts?
41222 8 2 The Incentive 6177 Darryl No no no no. I like her.
41223 8 2 The Incentive 6177 Kevin Well I'm just quoting you. I would never say that about her. I don't know the woman.
41224 8 2 The Incentive 6177 Darryl Nah man, we get along now. Real well.
41225 8 2 The Incentive 6177 Jim Wow. Alright. Can't wait to meet her.
41226 8 2 The Incentive 6177 Darryl I'll introduce you.
41227 8 2 The Incentive 6178 Darryl Yeah, we had a few fights, I suppose. But last night we put a lot of that to bed. I can't tell you what I did with my ex wife last night.... I have to sing it. We took a shower, we were naked. We ska dap dap doo doo doo doo doo doo doo.
41228 8 2 The Incentive 6179 Andy Hi Dad!...... Ahhh....oh boy.
41229 8 2 The Incentive 6179 Robert Hello, Andy. Excellent tie.
41230 8 2 The Incentive 6179 Erin Would you be requiring a cold beverage while you're here?
41231 8 2 The Incentive 6179 Robert I'd love some coffee.
41232 8 2 The Incentive 6180 Robert I was looking over your projections, and I think we can do better.
41233 8 2 The Incentive 6180 Andy Are you factoring in the... whole national ...economy.... declining and all that?
41234 8 2 The Incentive 6180 Robert Andy, do you know why I chose you?
41235 8 2 The Incentive 6180 Andy I think I can sum it up with what I think is your favorite ice cream flavor....vanilla?
41236 8 2 The Incentive 6180 Robert Vanilla? No no no no. You'll never guess in a million billion years you'll never guess.
41237 8 2 The Incentive 6180 Andy You were saying you chose me.... There was a reason?
41238 8 2 The Incentive 6180 Robert Andy, can you inspire? Do you have that skill set?
41239 8 2 The Incentive 6181 Andy Can I inspire? I don't know!.....I don't know.
41240 8 2 The Incentive 6182 Robert Oh! Thank you. Uh....
41241 8 2 The Incentive 6182 Erin Oh, sorry.
41242 8 2 The Incentive 6182 Robert You can just put it down.
41243 8 2 The Incentive 6182 Erin Oh
41244 8 2 The Incentive 6182 Robert That is very cold.
41245 8 2 The Incentive 6182 Erin Yeah. It's old.
41246 8 2 The Incentive 6182 Robert Why would I.....?
41247 8 2 The Incentive 6182 Erin I asked if you wanted a cold beverage and you said "coffee"....
41248 8 2 The Incentive 6182 Andy Why don't we get Robert a nice hot fresh cup and I will have this.
41249 8 2 The Incentive 6182 Erin Andy, you don't want that.
41250 8 2 The Incentive 6182 Andy I've been craving a freezing cup of old coffee. Mmm....
41251 8 2 The Incentive 6182 Erin Sorry.
41252 8 2 The Incentive 6182 Robert You like her.
41253 8 2 The Incentive 6182 Andy I do.
41254 8 2 The Incentive 6182 Robert She likes you.
41255 8 2 The Incentive 6182 Andy You know, we've both been into each other at different times and just never really synced up. Now we're in this weird dance....
41256 8 2 The Incentive 6182 Robert I'm afraid you've lost my interest.
41257 8 2 The Incentive 6183 Oscar Let me call you back.
41258 8 2 The Incentive 6183 Meredith I gotta go.
41259 8 2 The Incentive 6183 Robert If the office superstore was supposed to put us little suppliers out of business, why are we still here?
41260 8 2 The Incentive 6183 Robert Ah...
41261 8 2 The Incentive 6183 Kevin This is where we go
41262 8 2 The Incentive 6183 Robert Oh, you'd go someplace else. That's not it, that's not the answer.
41263 8 2 The Incentive 6183 Kevin It's a answer.
41264 8 2 The Incentive 6183 Robert It's a wrong answer.
41265 8 2 The Incentive 6183 Kevin There are no wrong answers.
41266 8 2 The Incentive 6183 Robert Take a look at where you are, where you once worked in a dying industry, you now work at it's birth. Those superstores are terrified of us. Anybody know why?
41267 8 2 The Incentive 6183 Phyllis Wait....they're terrified?
41268 8 2 The Incentive 6183 Robert Let me tell you how I buy something these days. I know what I want I go on the internet, I get the best price. Or I don't know what I want and I go to a small store that can help me. The era of personal service is back. You are back. You'll find that customers will pay our higher prices and then they will thank us, and we will say to them "you are welcome." Andrew, I chose you for a reason. Lead these people. Show me the best numbers this place has ever seen. Last quarter we saw 4% growth. Double it.
41269 8 2 The Incentive 6183 Andy You got it.
41270 8 2 The Incentive 6183 Robert Double.
41271 8 2 The Incentive 6183 Andy Done.
41272 8 2 The Incentive 6183 Robert I'm not kidding.
41273 8 2 The Incentive 6183 Andy Neither am I, it's already done. Hah, I'm just kidding, it's going to take some time.
41274 8 2 The Incentive 6183 Robert Double.
41275 8 2 The Incentive 6184 Jim Hey.
41276 8 2 The Incentive 6184 Andy What's up, guys? Just thought we'd have a little rap session, talk about business...see how things are going? Ahem...
41277 8 2 The Incentive 6184 Jim Why don't you start?
41278 8 2 The Incentive 6184 Andy If no one else wants to? I was just thinking about Robert...man. What a boss. Just throws down goals, you know? Anyway, how's the sales doubling ...project going?
41279 8 2 The Incentive 6184 Phyllis Yeah, how are we supposed to do that? We can't just press a magic button.
41280 8 2 The Incentive 6184 Andy OF course not. There's no magic button. You have to summon that.
41281 8 2 The Incentive 6184 Stanley If we could just double our sales, we already would have. You're not making any sense.
41282 8 2 The Incentive 6184 Jim He brings up two good points. Do you have any new leads? Any new territories you want us to look into? Maybe have an in with a big client that we can get our foot in the door?
41283 8 2 The Incentive 6184 Andy Dwight, anything?
41284 8 2 The Incentive 6184 Dwight We could talk about how fast children grow up, and before you know it they're out of the house.
41285 8 2 The Incentive 6184 Andy You know what? We need to get our heads out of the box. If we did have something, what would it look like, what would it be? Tuna.
41286 8 2 The Incentive 6184 Jim New leads, a new territory to look into, maybe an in with a big company that we could get our foot in the door...
41287 8 2 The Incentive 6184 Andy Fart..... good Sesh. That leg's asleep.
41288 8 2 The Incentive 6185 Justine Hello. I'm looking for Darryl Philbin?
41289 8 2 The Incentive 6185 Kevin Don't! oh, you must think...I'm not. I'm using the fax, this isn't, no wait. I'm not supposed to represent the company. Right? There's usually an Erin here.
41290 8 2 The Incentive 6185 Justine Ok....?
41291 8 2 The Incentive 6185 Kevin So...DARRYL! A GIRL!
41292 8 2 The Incentive 6185 Darryl rub a dub dub...I got scrubbed. â˜Sup, darlin'? Everybody, this is Justine. This is Jim and Oscar, everybody.
41293 8 2 The Incentive 6185 Meredith Hi.
41294 8 2 The Incentive 6185 Kevin Kevin.
41295 8 2 The Incentive 6185 Justine Can we.... go some place private?
41296 8 2 The Incentive 6185 Darryl Follow me, I got a space. After you. I've been thinking about you all mornin'. I don't know what you did, I can barely walk today.
41297 8 2 The Incentive 6186 Andy D-Bone. There you are.
41298 8 2 The Incentive 6186 Dwight Let me guess, somebody needs a brownie...? Lick the spoon?
41299 8 2 The Incentive 6186 Andy No, that's ok. Just, I want, I wanted to ask you about...
41300 8 2 The Incentive 6186 Dwight Is this about the profits? Because if it is I just don't see the point. It's so Wall Street.
41301 8 2 The Incentive 6186 Andy I know, right?
41302 8 2 The Incentive 6186 Dwight Right?
41303 8 2 The Incentive 6186 Andy Yeah...um, how is everything?
41304 8 2 The Incentive 6186 Dwight Good. Really really good.
41305 8 2 The Incentive 6186 Andy Must be a tough time to be a family farm.
41306 8 2 The Incentive 6186 Dwight Oh, it is. And beets are not immune. We made some inroads in salads, but heirloom tomatoes are pushing back.
41307 8 2 The Incentive 6186 Andy Oof. What are you gonna do about that?
41308 8 2 The Incentive 6186 Dwight I don't know, what do you mean?
41309 8 2 The Incentive 6186 Andy There's gotta be some way you can double your beet sales...
41310 8 2 The Incentive 6186 Dwight You wanted the job, the job is yours. Just do the job! And I'll do mine..... walnuts?
41311 8 2 The Incentive 6186 Kevin No!
41312 8 2 The Incentive 6187 Angela Have you seen this?
41313 8 2 The Incentive 6187 Pam Parenting? Yeah. This is Cici's favorite magazine. She loves the pictures of babies.
41314 8 2 The Incentive 6187 Jim She looks at it when she's on the potty, and she makes the faces.
41315 8 2 The Incentive 6187 Angela Have you read it? Has an adult member of your family read this particular issue?
41316 8 2 The Incentive 6187 Pam I flipped through it.
41317 8 2 The Incentive 6187 Angela So you saw the article on the importance of taking frequent walks while you're pregnant?
41318 8 2 The Incentive 6187 Pam Of course.
41319 8 2 The Incentive 6187 Jim We know that.
41320 8 2 The Incentive 6187 Pam Yeah.
41321 8 2 The Incentive 6187 Angela I will be taking a morning walk and an afternoon walk. Would you like to join me?
41322 8 2 The Incentive 6187 Pam That sounds nice.
41323 8 2 The Incentive 6187 Angela Great.
41324 8 2 The Incentive 6187 Jim You have a walking buddy.
41325 8 2 The Incentive 6187 Pam I do.
41326 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Andy Thanks for coming in guys.
41327 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Phyllis You don't have to thank us for coming in, it's our job.
41328 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Andy Well I never got thanked for coming into a meeting and I always wanted to be so I'm gonna thank people.
41329 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Meredith What's with the blanket?
41330 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Andy This is what's under the blanket.
41331 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Oscar We don't get it.
41332 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Andy These are incentives. It's how we're gonna double growth. Now, you're probably all asking yourselves: "Well, how does this work?"
41333 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Pam Seems like a basic reward system where you give us points, and then we redeem those points for prizes.
41334 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Andy You're exactly right and you get a point.
41335 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Pam Oh.
41336 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Ryan Uh, is that a vibrator?
41337 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Andy Twenty points.
41338 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Meredith How does one get a point?
41339 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Andy I've outlined the exact parameters in an email, so check your spam folders, but basically you do your job better, you get points. So, collect fifteen points and redeem them for this polar bear.
41340 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Kelly Why is it all kid stuff and a vibrator? It's so gross.
41341 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Andy There's lots of stuff. John Irving, collected works, Twenty-two points. Or, you can pool your points and redeem fifty-five for this maternity shirt.
41342 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Stanley How â˜bout you want us to work harder, pay us more.
41343 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Andy I can't.
41344 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Kelly This point system is really insulting.
41345 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Andy Ooh I didn't mean to offend you, and I hope you'll forgive me because I am very very... Sari. Sixteen points.
41346 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Kelly That's a tablecloth.
41347 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Jim What if we went all the way up to five hundred points?
41348 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Andy That's a crazy amount of points.
41349 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Jim But, what if?
41350 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Andy Well, what do you want?
41351 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Jim I don't know, for such a crazy number I'd like something pretty crazy.
41352 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Andy Alright. For five hundred points, I will wear a dress to work.
41353 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Jim That's pretty good. What about uh, for a thousand points?
41354 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Andy I'll run naked through the parking lot with a donut on my ding-dong. Yeah? You like that? Alright! For five thousand points, I will let you tattoo whatever you want on the stern of the old SS Bernard!
41355 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Group Ooooh!
41356 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Oscar Really?
41357 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Jim Alright, alright. And you are totally serious?
41358 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Andy Swear to God, hope to die. Now let's get to work!
41359 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Jim Wait. You did say we could pool our points, right? In that case...let's get to work.
41360 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Dwight Yeah!
41361 8 2 The Incentive 6188 Pam Yeah! Whoo!
41362 8 2 The Incentive 6189 Jim I can have it to you by the beginning of next week. Alright? Thanks very much. Uh, Phyllis! Bracken Auto?
41363 8 2 The Incentive 6189 Phyllis hands Jim folder] Ask for Donald, Karen's bananas.
41364 8 2 The Incentive 6189 Jim Ok.
41365 8 2 The Incentive 6189 Andy T-bag bone...
41366 8 2 The Incentive 6189 Jim Andrew.
41367 8 2 The Incentive 6189 Andy Have you noticed a little bit of a mood shift around here?
41368 8 2 The Incentive 6189 Jim No, I didn't notice anything.
41369 8 2 The Incentive 6189 Andy Really? Because I sat next to Stanley for years....and this is nap time. Open eye nap time. He balances the phone on his shoulder and just powers down. Now look at him.
41370 8 2 The Incentive 6189 Stanley You've got to unleash the power of the Pyramid!
41371 8 2 The Incentive 6189 Jim I don't know what to tell you, man.
41372 8 2 The Incentive 6189 Andy You think it has something to do with that incentive program?
41373 8 2 The Incentive 6189 Jim Oh, one hundred percent. We all want to see you tattoo your ass.
41374 8 2 The Incentive 6189 Andy Bah...I think people thought I was kidding when I said that.
41375 8 2 The Incentive 6189 Jim Nah, you definitely weren't kidding. And that came across loud and clear. Oh, by the way, I want to hand this in.
41376 8 2 The Incentive 6189 Andy Hundred and twenty points.
41377 8 2 The Incentive 6189 Jim Yeah. Big sale. Don't worry about it though, I don't really care about the points. I would like a point receipt though... Hey! Yes, this is Jim Halpert calling for Donald...can you hold on for one second? Thank you very much.
41378 8 2 The Incentive 6189 Pam Who talked to Maggie at Kaufman's?
41379 8 2 The Incentive 6189 Erin Yes!
41380 8 2 The Incentive 6189 Jim and I'm back. How are you sir?....I think we can squeeze a couple more golf games in, right?
41381 8 2 The Incentive 6189 Pam Where's Angela?
41382 8 2 The Incentive 6189 Andy Hey Kevin, what are you doing?
41383 8 2 The Incentive 6189 Kevin Don't talk to me!
41384 8 2 The Incentive 6190 Andy Hi, Professor Frank, Andy Bernard, class of '95. Hey there, um, I'm a huge fan of your management book, Management. Um, quick question. I may be missing a chapter here...De-Incentivizing. What are your strategies? Looking for a real blow to morale...uh why? Well, um I guess you could say I'm in one of those classic ass tattoo incentive situations.
41385 8 2 The Incentive 6191 Andy Took â˜em one day.
41386 8 2 The Incentive 6191 Pam Ready! "I'm not as think as you drunk I am!"
41387 8 2 The Incentive 6191 Ryan I like it, I like it!
41388 8 2 The Incentive 6191 Pam Do Not Resuscitate...
41389 8 2 The Incentive 6191 Andy OK, keep in mind, it's not too late to choose another prize and there are some great new additions. My car for a thousand points....or best offer.
41390 8 2 The Incentive 6191 Phyllis What else you got?
41391 8 2 The Incentive 6191 Pam Oh, and then this was Phyllis's idea... So nasty Phyllis!
41392 8 2 The Incentive 6192 Pam We were hoping you could do something like this...
41393 8 2 The Incentive 6192 Tattoo Artist So, coming out of his butt is a...
41394 8 2 The Incentive 6192 Pam Baby.
41395 8 2 The Incentive 6192 Tattoo Artist Baby...
41396 8 2 The Incentive 6192 Pam Yes.
41397 8 2 The Incentive 6192 Tattoo Artist Yeah, no problem.
41398 8 2 The Incentive 6192 Andy We should think about this...does anyone have any better ideas?
41399 8 2 The Incentive 6192 Stanley I like what we have.
41400 8 2 The Incentive 6192 Meredith Looks good.
41401 8 2 The Incentive 6192 Erin Yeah.
41402 8 2 The Incentive 6192 Kevin For sure.
41403 8 2 The Incentive 6192 Andy Just need a second outside.
41404 8 2 The Incentive 6193 Jim Gettin' psyched up?
41405 8 2 The Incentive 6193 Andy Yeah.
41406 8 2 The Incentive 6193 Jim Andy, nobody really expects you to go through with this...
41407 8 2 The Incentive 6193 Andy Tunes..what am I doing here? Why did Robert pick me? ....Confession: I don't know what I'm doing.
41408 8 2 The Incentive 6193 Jim I mean, do you like it? You having fun? Tell you this, everybody else is having a lot of fun....and you did that.
41409 8 2 The Incentive 6193 Andy My ass is only so big, I mean I can't do this everyday.
41410 8 2 The Incentive 6193 Jim But I think it's big enough to buy you some time till your next great idea....which, by the way, I can't wait for.
41411 8 2 The Incentive 6193 Andy No one expects me to go through with this, right?
41412 8 2 The Incentive 6193 Jim Absolutely not.
41413 8 2 The Incentive 6194 Andy Let's ink...my stink!
41414 8 2 The Incentive 6195 Andy My heart belongs to music. But my ass belongs to these people.
41415 8 2 The Incentive 6196 Group Whoa!
41416 8 2 The Incentive 6196 Andy Do your worst!
41417 8 2 The Incentive 6196 Tattoo Artist Uh, you can keep your pants on actually...if just drop â˜em down a bit, that'd be great.
41418 8 2 The Incentive 6196 Andy They are already off, my good sir.
41419 8 2 The Incentive 6196 Tattoo Artist I'd really prefer they not be down.
41420 8 2 The Incentive 6196 Andy Well, I think down's better. Sweating pretty heavily down there.
41421 8 2 The Incentive 6196 Pam Do you think you could work from this? we made some small adjustments.
41422 8 2 The Incentive 6196 Tattoo Artist OK, you want me to...
41423 8 2 The Incentive 6196 Pam Just a few adjustments
41424 8 2 The Incentive 6196 Tattoo Artist Alright, let's begin.
41425 8 2 The Incentive 6196 Andy This is where I grin and be-YOW OW!
41426 8 2 The Incentive 6196 Tattoo Artist That was just the cotton swab.
41427 8 2 The Incentive 6196 Andy Invest in softer cotton, sir. OW! Oh! Oooh! oh, whoa!!
41428 8 2 The Incentive 6197 Dwight Obviously you can go the ass tattoo route and obviously, I'm gonna like it.
41429 8 2 The Incentive 6198 Dwight DRAW SOME BLOOD!
41430 8 2 The Incentive 6198 Andy AHHHHH!!!!!!!
41431 8 2 The Incentive 6199 Robert Why did I choose Andy to run the office? Because he's all surface, uncomplicated. What you see is what you get. Could be a recipe for mediocrity, yes, but then again, it might just be why people fight for him.
41432 8 2 The Incentive 6200 Andy It's a Nard Dog! That's my nickity-name! I love it, I love it!
41433 8 2 The Incentive 6200 Jim Pull up your pants.
41434 8 2 The Incentive 6201 Robert There's something about an underdog that really inspires...the unexceptional.
41435 8 2 The Incentive 6202 Pam Um, what should we talk about?
41436 8 2 The Incentive 6202 Angela Well, we could talk about an ethical dilemma I'm having.
41437 8 2 The Incentive 6202 Pam Oh yeah, sure. Um, I hope I can help.
41438 8 2 The Incentive 6202 Angela A coworker of mine is drinking caffeine while pregnant, and I don't know if I should call social services about it.
41439 8 2 The Incentive 6202 Pam Angela, that's pretty transparently me.
41440 8 2 The Incentive 6202 Angela Maybe.
41441 8 2 The Incentive 6202 Pam You know it's just herbal tea.
41442 8 2 The Incentive 6202 Angela In mugs with trace amounts of coffee!
41443 8 2 The Incentive 6202 Pam Yeah. I think you should call social services.
41444 8 2 The Incentive 6202 Angela I already did.
41445 8 2 The Incentive 6202 Pam You know, maybe we should just have our own pregnancies and not pretend like we're in this together.
41446 8 2 The Incentive 6202 Angela Fine.
41447 8 2 The Incentive 6202 Pam Fine.
41448 8 3 Lotto 6203 Dwight ....back orders and you never called them.
41449 8 3 Lotto 6203 Oscar Can you believe this?
41450 8 3 Lotto 6203 Erin There's a dog in the car.
41451 8 3 Lotto 6203 Oscar You can't leave a dog in a parked car. Snowboarder, it figures.
41452 8 3 Lotto 6203 Jim Do Snowboarders hate animals?
41453 8 3 Lotto 6203 Oscar I bet this guy didn't leave his weed in the car. OK we have to do something because this is incredibly dangerous.
41454 8 3 Lotto 6203 Andy Oscar, it's not that hot out.
41455 8 3 Lotto 6203 Darryl A car parked in the sun is like a toaster oven.
41456 8 3 Lotto 6203 Andy Well, we don't know how long the driver's been gone and it's not in direct sunlight.
41457 8 3 Lotto 6203 Kelly So what, Andy, you wanna just let him die, you scumbag?
41458 8 3 Lotto 6203 Kevin Here, I'm gonna get in my car. When I start dying, I will honk the horn three times. That means save the dog.
41459 8 3 Lotto 6203 Dwight OK, you know what? I'm gonna give him something to drink. Come here, doggy. Come on.
41460 8 3 Lotto 6203 Jim Dwight! At least aim it.
41461 8 3 Lotto 6203 Dwight There you go! Here doggy! He's not even trying. Come here doggy, come on.
41462 8 3 Lotto 6203 Andy We're losing cloud cover.
41463 8 3 Lotto 6203 Kelly Oh don't try to get in on it now, Michael Vick.
41464 8 3 Lotto 6203 Darryl Hey, hey, hey. Vick did his time.
41465 8 3 Lotto 6203 Oscar This guy's been gone long enough. He's lost his right to a window.
41466 8 3 Lotto 6203 Jim Whoa whoa whoa whoa!
41467 8 3 Lotto 6203 Oscar Come on buddy, get back.
41468 8 3 Lotto 6203 Dwight Whoa, Oscar! What are you- What? No, hey!
41469 8 3 Lotto 6203 Jim Alright! Nice job, Oscar!
41470 8 3 Lotto 6203 Oscar And one for good measure!
41471 8 3 Lotto 6203 Jim So...ah, who's gonna take the dog?
41472 8 3 Lotto 6203 Oscar Why would we take the dog?
41473 8 3 Lotto 6203 Jim What if he jumps out the window and runs away?
41474 8 3 Lotto 6203 Oscar Jim, he's not gonna star-
41475 8 3 Lotto 6203 Meredith Whoa!
41476 8 3 Lotto 6203 Oscar Shh! Shh! Stay there, stay.
41477 8 3 Lotto 6203 Dwight Nein. Sits. Goot.
41478 8 3 Lotto 6203 Jim Oscar, what do you wanna do, this is kinda your deal. You wanna dog?
41479 8 3 Lotto 6203 Oscar There we go. That should do it.
41480 8 3 Lotto 6203 Jim Yeah, that's pretty good.
41481 8 3 Lotto 6203 Dwight Yeah, that'll work.
41482 8 3 Lotto 6203 Kelly That'll work.
41483 8 3 Lotto 6203 Jim Nice job.
41484 8 3 Lotto 6203 Dwight Bye poochie!
41485 8 3 Lotto 6203 Kelly Bye.
41486 8 3 Lotto 6203 Meredith Bye!
41487 8 3 Lotto 6204 Pam What's that come to? Like, what did they each win?
41488 8 3 Lotto 6204 Jim Oh man, it's gotta be over a hundred thousand dollars.
41489 8 3 Lotto 6204 Pam Awesome.
41490 8 3 Lotto 6204 Dwight Before taxes.
41491 8 3 Lotto 6204 Phyllis That's still a lot of money!
41492 8 3 Lotto 6205 Andy The warehouse crew won the lottery yesterday. Nine hundred and fifty thousand dollars. And then they quit!...and no one else can focus. This is it. This is all on my shoulders. I'm the one who has to tell everyone to get back to work, I'm the one who has to tell Darryl to hire a new warehouse crew. I'm the one who has to say those things.
41493 8 3 Lotto 6206 Darryl Hello?....Justine! Nice surprise! How you doin' baby?....Nah. No no, I didn't win. When I got promoted I stop-...what?...Yeah. Yeah, Glenn won....Oh, you wanna call him? Yeah, you should call him, congratulate him. That'll be-...What?....Oh, his number's in your old phone. Oh, you know what? I might have it right- Whoops.
41494 8 3 Lotto 6207 Darryl When I worked in the warehouse, I was part of that lotto pool. They won ... playing my birthday.
41495 8 3 Lotto 6208 Oscar What really interests me is the group dynamic of six people winning the lottery. This will not end well. Right?
41496 8 3 Lotto 6208 Phyllis Yeah.
41497 8 3 Lotto 6208 Meredith We're lookin' at at least one suicide and one weird s*x thing.
41498 8 3 Lotto 6208 Oscar At least.
41499 8 3 Lotto 6208 Jim I mean, I don't even know what I'd do with all that money.
41500 8 3 Lotto 6208 Dwight I know what you'd do with all that money. "Hey Pam, let's buy expensive bathrobes and hug."
41501 8 3 Lotto 6208 Jim No, I'd probably buy a big piece of land in Maine, build a house, work in town. Somewhere I could bike to or kayak to. I'd either bike to my job at the kayak shop or kayak to my job at the bike shop.
41502 8 3 Lotto 6208 Pam And then on the weekends, would you hacky sack back to reality and spend time with your wife and kids?
41503 8 3 Lotto 6208 Jim Whoa. Saucy. I thought you liked Maine?
41504 8 3 Lotto 6208 Pam I think we should get a townhouse in SoHo...
41505 8 3 Lotto 6208 Ryan SoHo's mostly lofts but OK.
41506 8 3 Lotto 6208 Pam And then every morning, I'd walk out on to my terrace and I would breathe in the inspiration of the city. You know? And just gather ideas for my painting...
41507 8 3 Lotto 6208 Kelly Oh, god.
41508 8 3 Lotto 6208 Pam And then my handsome husband...
41509 8 3 Lotto 6208 Jim Which ideally would be me....
41510 8 3 Lotto 6208 Pam Would bring me a flavored coffee.
41511 8 3 Lotto 6208 Jim Stop. I'm a barista in your fantasy?
41512 8 3 Lotto 6208 Pam Well in your fantasy we're Stephen King characters.
41513 8 3 Lotto 6208 Jim I don't know about Stephen King, I mean...
41514 8 3 Lotto 6208 Meredith get a divorce...get a divorce...
41515 8 3 Lotto 6209 Kelly I think I would keep working. And for my salary I guess I would take like a dollar a year....I mean obviously I wouldn't come in till noon and I wouldn't do anything I didn't wanna do. I mean I'm getting paid a dollar a year, OK? You can chill.
41516 8 3 Lotto 6210 Andy Are you kidding me?! Guys if I have to ask you to get back to work one more time, I'm gonna change my tone. To down here like Mr. T. and this will get seriously annoying. I feel sympathy for the jerks who have to listen to this all day. Darryl, how we doin' on the new warehouse guys?
41517 8 3 Lotto 6210 Darryl I don't know.
41518 8 3 Lotto 6210 Andy What d-? What..what? Wuh, do we have new guys, or what?
41519 8 3 Lotto 6210 Darryl No.
41520 8 3 Lotto 6210 Andy Are they on their way over?
41521 8 3 Lotto 6210 Darryl I haven't hired anyone.
41522 8 3 Lotto 6210 Phyllis What? No warehouse guys? I have an important order that has to go out by five. I emailed you about it.
41523 8 3 Lotto 6210 Darryl I'm not checkin' email till lunch. Four hour work week.
41524 8 3 Lotto 6210 Andy This is kinda time sensitive.
41525 8 3 Lotto 6210 Darryl I got it. I'm doin' it.
41526 8 3 Lotto 6210 Phyllis Andy, this is a seriously big order. I can't lose this client.
41527 8 3 Lotto 6210 Andy Alright, well until we have a new crew, let's get some volunteers for warehouse duty. Who's in?
41528 8 3 Lotto 6210 Erin As long as you guys don't need me up here.
41529 8 3 Lotto 6210 Phyllis No..we don't
41530 8 3 Lotto 6210 Dwight I think we'll be fine.
41531 8 3 Lotto 6210 Oscar Really, nobody's gonna help her? Is chivalry dead?
41532 8 3 Lotto 6210 Andy Are you volunteering?
41533 8 3 Lotto 6210 Oscar Of course. I would. But my hip....I would kill to be at a hundred percent.
41534 8 3 Lotto 6210 Andy Jim! How 'bout you?
41535 8 3 Lotto 6210 Jim Uh, yeah. I mean, as the strongest person in this office, I guess I should go down with you...
41536 8 3 Lotto 6210 Dwight Hey...OK no. No. That. You are so not...oh god. False. Andy, I will volunteer.
41537 8 3 Lotto 6210 Andy Great. And Kevin.
41538 8 3 Lotto 6211 Kevin Good old Kevin. He'll do anything. Well guess what? I will not do a good job.
41539 8 3 Lotto 6212 Pam Oh, thank you.
41540 8 3 Lotto 6212 Angela Sure.
41541 8 3 Lotto 6212 Pam Wait, wait. What's this?
41542 8 3 Lotto 6212 Angela Oh, sorry. I thought it was a guess your baby's birth weight pool.
41543 8 3 Lotto 6212 Pam It says "Lotto Pool", right on top.
41544 8 3 Lotto 6212 Angela Yeah. And I said sorry.
41545 8 3 Lotto 6212 Pam Oh come on. You really think I'm gonna have a fourteen pound baby?
41546 8 3 Lotto 6213 Darryl When did I get so fat?
41547 8 3 Lotto 6213 Andy You look awesome.
41548 8 3 Lotto 6213 Darryl I didn't hire anyone if that's why you're here.
41549 8 3 Lotto 6213 Andy Where are we in the process?
41550 8 3 Lotto 6213 Darryl I have a file of applicants here. I just gotta open it, look at it, interview a bunch of guys,hire some of 'em. So I'd say we're in the early stages of the process.
41551 8 3 Lotto 6213 Andy Did you go out celebrating with the guys last night?
41552 8 3 Lotto 6213 Darryl The guys did invite me out to celebrate but I decided to just stay home. Eat a bunch of tacos in my basement.
41553 8 3 Lotto 6213 Andy You do have a fantastic basement.
41554 8 3 Lotto 6213 Darryl I did. I did have a fantastic basement. Now it smells like tacos. You can't air out a basement and taco air is heavy. Settles at the lowest point.
41555 8 3 Lotto 6213 Andy Right. Um, well how 'bout we take a look at some applications? ...This guy wrote his in green ink, that's pretty cool. Check it out. Hey! There ya go...there he is.
41556 8 3 Lotto 6214 Andy That is not Darryl. I don't know where Darryl is. I suspect probably our Darryl is inside of fat Darryl.
41557 8 3 Lotto 6215 Jim OK. Three hundred boxes of twenty pound white. That's seventy-five boxes per person, so that's not so bad.
41558 8 3 Lotto 6215 Dwight Negative! Three hundred boxes for me, zero for you chumps. Deal with it!
41559 8 3 Lotto 6215 Jim Nice. Whoa whoa whoa whoa! Oh!
41560 8 3 Lotto 6215 Kevin Damn!
41561 8 3 Lotto 6215 Dwight Yup.
41562 8 3 Lotto 6216 Andy Welcome, everybody! My name is Andy and this is my other brother Darryl. What? No Newhart fans? OK...Darryl, how do we usually kick these things off?
41563 8 3 Lotto 6216 Darryl You mean what did we do the last time the warehouse won the lottery?
41564 8 3 Lotto 6216 Female Applicant Your old crew won the lottery?
41565 8 3 Lotto 6216 Andy Does anyone have experience? Shelving, storing, keeping track. What do we use, the Dewey Decimal system?
41566 8 3 Lotto 6216 Male Applicant 1 Wait, wait. So all the old guys quit?
41567 8 3 Lotto 6216 Darryl Oh yeah.
41568 8 3 Lotto 6216 Andy Well-
41569 8 3 Lotto 6216 Darryl One of 'em, Glenn, is starting one of those fat camps where he steals your kid in the middle of the night. Madge and a couple other guys might start a strip club, but on a boat. And Heday is investing in an energy drink for Asian homosexuals.
41570 8 3 Lotto 6216 Andy Um, can you guys give us a minute? But stay close, you're all doing great. maybe grab a coffee..or if there's any donuts out you can split one. You know they're for everybody so people get fussy....You know what? Just have a donut. Do you wanna talk about this not winning the lottery thing?
41571 8 3 Lotto 6216 Darryl I don't
41572 8 3 Lotto 6216 Andy You sure? Cause you keep talking about it, so...
41573 8 3 Lotto 6216 Darryl Nope. I'm good. I'm here. Let's find some warehouse workers.
41574 8 3 Lotto 6216 Andy Good. Great. Then can you say things that aren't like a huge bummer to everybody? Cause the more I talk, the more they're gonna realize I don't know what I'm talking about.
41575 8 3 Lotto 6216 Darryl OK.
41576 8 3 Lotto 6216 Andy We need you, OK?
41577 8 3 Lotto 6216 Darryl K.
41578 8 3 Lotto 6216 Andy OK?
41579 8 3 Lotto 6216 Darryl Yeah.
41580 8 3 Lotto 6216 Andy Alright.
41581 8 3 Lotto 6217 Dwight What's the problem? Grunting is scientifically proven to add more power. Ask any female tennis player. Or her husband.
41582 8 3 Lotto 6217 Erin I didn't feel anything.
41583 8 3 Lotto 6218 Andy Alright! Thank you for coming back in, again. Uh, now we're gonna ask you a few questions. Darryl, you have the floor.
41584 8 3 Lotto 6218 Darryl Why do you wanna work here?
41585 8 3 Lotto 6218 Male Applicant 1 I need a job.
41586 8 3 Lotto 6218 Darryl That's not a good reason.
41587 8 3 Lotto 6218 Andy Good. Keepin' 'em honest.
41588 8 3 Lotto 6218 Darryl Don't just take the first job that comes your way. Cause next thing you know, it's ten years later and you're still there. Could write your obituary tomorrow, it's not gonna change.
41589 8 3 Lotto 6218 Andy Are we scaring them straight....?
41590 8 3 Lotto 6218 Darryl I hope so. Think about this carefully. There's better lives than this one.
41591 8 3 Lotto 6219 Darryl I've never been lucky. And I'm not talkin' about the lottery, I'm talkin' 'bout stuff like developing a soy allergy at thirty-five. Who gets a soy allergy at thirty-five? And why is soy in everything?
41592 8 3 Lotto 6220 Ryan Nice. Right back where I like you. Can you make ten copies of this for me?
41593 8 3 Lotto 6220 Pam No.
41594 8 3 Lotto 6220 Ryan Why not? What are you doing?
41595 8 3 Lotto 6220 Pam Uh, buying lottery tickets online.
41596 8 3 Lotto 6220 Ryan Ah, everyone wants to be rich, but nobody wants to work for it.
41597 8 3 Lotto 6220 Pam You came in at 10:30 today, right?
41598 8 3 Lotto 6220 Ryan OK, (we'll just dismiss it.)??????
41599 8 3 Lotto 6221 Andy Is everyone licensed?
41600 8 3 Lotto 6221 Male Applicant 2 Like a driver's license?
41601 8 3 Lotto 6221 Andy No. Warehouse license....Masters in warehouse sciences?...I, I feel like Darryl has talked about a license of some kind.
41602 8 3 Lotto 6221 Female Applicant Is this a joke?
41603 8 3 Lotto 6221 Andy No. Not joking. This is real....painfully real, what is happening right now.
41604 8 3 Lotto 6222 Kevin OK, I'm not gonna make it. I'm turning back.
41605 8 3 Lotto 6222 Jim There's gotta be a better way to do this. This is literally how they built the pyramids.
41606 8 3 Lotto 6222 Dwight Well, they whipped people which was helpful. But you're right. We should be able to find a more efficient way of moving boxes than Madge or Heday.
41607 8 3 Lotto 6222 Jim Yeah Not that they're not smart people.
41608 8 3 Lotto 6222 Dwight No, no. Very smart. Uh, theirs is more of a physical intelligence.
41609 8 3 Lotto 6222 Jim I'd go with that.
41610 8 3 Lotto 6222 Dwight Like baboons or elephants.
41611 8 3 Lotto 6222 Jim Not that, don't...
41612 8 3 Lotto 6222 Kevin Guys! When I was a kid, my sisters used to butter me up and slide me across the linoleum floor of the kitchen. Then really made them laugh.
41613 8 3 Lotto 6222 Jim It's a great idea Kev, I don't think it applies here though, so maybe we just-
41614 8 3 Lotto 6222 Kevin Yeah we move stuff and it was fun.
41615 8 3 Lotto 6222 Dwight Kevin! Doesn't apply.
41616 8 3 Lotto 6222 Kevin Right. My mom-
41617 8 3 Lotto 6222 Erin You need to drop it, OK? They hate it. I like it a lot but they hate it so drop it!
41618 8 3 Lotto 6223 Andy Does anyone get distracted easily by bubble wrap? You'll be dealing with lots of bubble wrap obviously. Um...
41619 8 3 Lotto 6223 Male Applicant 1 How much longer is this gonna take?
41620 8 3 Lotto 6224 Darryl Did you hire 'em?
41621 8 3 Lotto 6224 Andy No. Because they all left.
41622 8 3 Lotto 6224 Darryl What do you mean "they left"?
41623 8 3 Lotto 6224 Andy I mean, after you bailed? I got confused and frankly a little weird and the stuff that you said certainly didn't help.
41624 8 3 Lotto 6224 Darryl Then I think you should fire me.
41625 8 3 Lotto 6224 Andy What are you talking about? I'm not gonna fire you.
41626 8 3 Lotto 6224 Darryl Yeah. Just put me out of my misery.
41627 8 3 Lotto 6224 Andy .....OK, this is weird. I don't, I don't get the joke.
41628 8 3 Lotto 6224 Darryl No? OK. I don't wanna be here anymore. Fire me.
41629 8 3 Lotto 6225 Andy So Darryl says to me "fire me". But what he really means is "I'm gonna say something really weird, try and figure out what it means." So I say "No, you're not fired." But what I really mean is "I have no idea what your talking about, but I'm gonna go ahead and hire some people for the warehouse and hope that you eventually start feeling better."........I really hope that's what he and I mean.
41630 8 3 Lotto 6226 Andy Attention! Does anyone know anyone who could work in the warehouse? We can pay. Come on Oscar, who's the most jacked guy in all of Scranton? Like your wildest fantasy guy.
41631 8 3 Lotto 6226 Oscar Bulk or definition?
41632 8 3 Lotto 6226 Andy Definition.
41633 8 3 Lotto 6226 Oscar Bruce Kenwood. He hangs out at Plant Fitness.
41634 8 3 Lotto 6226 Andy Are those just show muscles? Or is he really strong?
41635 8 3 Lotto 6226 Oscar Oh, he's plenty strong.
41636 8 3 Lotto 6227 Oscar It used to be Reggie Winters out at Gold's Gym. But he moved away. And then it was between Bruce and this guy Dean. Um, but Dean got fixated on his calves and uh, and his triceps went to hell.
41637 8 3 Lotto 6228 Pam So. I've been thinking, after we win the lottery, we take our winnings....
41638 8 3 Lotto 6228 Jim Our fake winnings
41639 8 3 Lotto 6228 Pam And we move to the south of France. See? No, there's plenty of bicycling for you. I think that's where they do the Tour de France.
41640 8 3 Lotto 6228 Jim It is, yeah. I mean I just don't know why I'm compromising if it's my fantasy. Cause in my fantasy it's Maine and you love it.
41641 8 3 Lotto 6228 Pam Because I'm never gonna act like that, even in your fantasy.
41642 8 3 Lotto 6228 Jim Nope. You're, you're doing a great job of it in my fantasy right now.
41643 8 3 Lotto 6228 Dwight Hey, idiot. What did Erin want again?
41644 8 3 Lotto 6228 Jim A...hot chocolate tea
41645 8 3 Lotto 6229 Andy Gideon. You are a PhD candidate studying America's diminishing blue-collar workforce?
41646 8 3 Lotto 6229 Gideon North America...and, diminishing is a little reductive, but uh sure. That's the headline version.
41647 8 3 Lotto 6229 Andy Great....Well, it'll bring a fresh new perspective to the warehouse.
41648 8 3 Lotto 6229 Gideon FYI, Wednesday through Friday I have a pretty full teaching schedule.
41649 8 3 Lotto 6229 Andy Eh, cool. We'll figure that out.
41650 8 3 Lotto 6229 Nate Also, FYI, ah, I don't techinically have a hearing problem, but sometimes when there's a lot of noises occurring uh at the same time, I'll hear 'em as one big jumble. Uh, again it's not that I can't hear, uh because that's false. I can. Um, I just can't distinguish between everything I'm hearing.
41651 8 3 Lotto 6229 Andy Got it. Dually noted. You! Coolest tank top I have ever seen. Where did you get that?
41652 8 3 Lotto 6229 Bruce Made it.
41653 8 3 Lotto 6229 Andy So cool! What a cross-section we have here. That's what I love about interviewing. I get to meet all these people I wouldn't ordinarily meet or know or even talk to.
41654 8 3 Lotto 6230 Dwight Message in a Bottle, The Postman...
41655 8 3 Lotto 6230 Jim Kevin Costner.
41656 8 3 Lotto 6230 Dwight Kevin Costner.
41657 8 3 Lotto 6230 Jim Yeah.
41658 8 3 Lotto 6230 Kevin So I found this grease. And then I remembered that you thought it was a great idea.
41659 8 3 Lotto 6230 Erin You did say it was a great idea. I heard you say it!
41660 8 3 Lotto 6231 Jim So, it's not the dumbest idea.
41661 8 3 Lotto 6231 Dwight It's not the greatest one either...
41662 8 3 Lotto 6231 Jim But, the fact remains we gotta move these boxes.
41663 8 3 Lotto 6231 Dwight And it's clear we're not going to carry them.
41664 8 3 Lotto 6231 Jim So sadly, it's the best idea on the table.
41665 8 3 Lotto 6231 Dwight Exactly.
41666 8 3 Lotto 6231 Kevin I think we're ready to give thi- Jim?
41667 8 3 Lotto 6231 Jim Is he OK?
41668 8 3 Lotto 6231 Dwight Yep. He'll be fine.
41669 8 3 Lotto 6232 Andy Surprise! Your new crew.
41670 8 3 Lotto 6232 Darryl Would you just fire me, man?
41671 8 3 Lotto 6232 Andy Why? Because you didn't win the lottery? How am I supposed to make you happy?
41672 8 3 Lotto 6232 Darryl You wanna make me happy? Huh?
41673 8 3 Lotto 6232 Andy Yeah.
41674 8 3 Lotto 6232 Darryl Give me your job.
41675 8 3 Lotto 6232 Andy Haha, what?
41676 8 3 Lotto 6232 Darryl I'll do it better than you. I earned it. I deserve it. I got passed over, God knows why, reasons I cannot and will not understand. The job was mine Andy, everyone said it was mine. Make me manager or fire me.
41677 8 3 Lotto 6232 Andy I'm not gonna give you my job! It's my job! I earned it! And here's the thing, you weren't even next in line. I asked about you, I saw your file. You have a history of being short with people and you hired Glenn, your buddy! To replace you in the warehouse. He was under qualified. They saw that.
41678 8 3 Lotto 6232 Nate Also, Darryl, FYI, I already told this to Andy, but uh, you should probably know I technically don't have a hearing problem, it's just when there's a lot of noises...
41679 8 3 Lotto 6232 Andy Nate! Please....thank you. You have no business education, you were gonna take classes under D'Angelo, what happened to that?
41680 8 3 Lotto 6232 Darryl He died.
41681 8 3 Lotto 6232 Andy He didn't die, his brain died. And my brain is still very much alive and I'd be happy to give you business classes. How come you haven't asked me about it?
41682 8 3 Lotto 6232 Nate What wa-, what was the last...I'm havin' a-
41683 8 3 Lotto 6232 Andy None, no part of this has anything to do with you.
41684 8 3 Lotto 6232 Darryl I didn't have time because of my daughter.
41685 8 3 Lotto 6232 Andy Oh, but you had time for a softball clinic, and a Mediterranean cooking class.
41686 8 3 Lotto 6232 Darryl Hey I'm not gonna tell you this stuff if you gonna throw it back in my face.
41687 8 3 Lotto 6232 Andy Hey. Here's the thing. Jo saw something in you. She loved you! She gave you a shot and then you stopped pushing. She noticed.
41688 8 3 Lotto 6232 Darryl OK.
41689 8 3 Lotto 6232 Andy OK what?
41690 8 3 Lotto 6232 Darryl OK, don't fire me.
41691 8 3 Lotto 6232 Andy Ah, OK.
41692 8 3 Lotto 6233 Darryl My future's not gonna be determined by seven little white lotto balls. It's gonna be determined by two big black balls. I control my destiny. I do.
41693 8 3 Lotto 6234 Darryl I put some guys on tonight. Best of your bunch and my bunch. Tell you now though, it's gonna be mostly my bunch.
41694 8 3 Lotto 6234 Andy Yeah. That makes sense. OK. Good, alright.
41695 8 3 Lotto 6234 Kevin Here...
41696 8 3 Lotto 6234 Andy What is goin' on?!
41697 8 3 Lotto 6234 Kevin Oh hey guys.
41698 8 3 Lotto 6234 Darryl Why is the forklift in the wall?
41699 8 3 Lotto 6234 Andy Why is the truck empty?
41700 8 3 Lotto 6234 Dwight Uh, it's not totally empty.
41701 8 3 Lotto 6234 Darryl Is that grease on my floor?
41702 8 3 Lotto 6234 Dwight OK, I can see why you're angry, you're coming into this cold. But believe me a lot of thought went into this.
41703 8 3 Lotto 6234 Darryl And did your brains tell you to ruin these boxes with grease?
41704 8 3 Lotto 6234 Kevin OK Darryl, listen and then you will understand. The boxes were ruined during our first trial testing so now it's cool cause we found another use for them.
41705 8 3 Lotto 6234 Jim OK, alright, that's...look. All we were trying to do is we thought we could come up with a more efficient way to do things.
41706 8 3 Lotto 6234 Darryl And?
41707 8 3 Lotto 6234 Erin And we did.
41708 8 3 Lotto 6234 Dwight I don't know.
41709 8 3 Lotto 6234 Erin Jim? Tell them what it's called.
41710 8 3 Lotto 6234 Jim That's alright.
41711 8 3 Lotto 6234 Kevin No Jim, tell 'em what a name is.
41712 8 3 Lotto 6234 Jim Doesn't matter what the name is. Señor Loadenstein, that's stupid.
41713 8 3 Lotto 6234 Kevin Señor Loadenstein. Tell 'em why it's called that, Jim.
41714 8 3 Lotto 6234 Jim That's OK, we're good.
41715 8 3 Lotto 6234 Erin Jim...
41716 8 3 Lotto 6234 Andy No, Jim. Tell us why it's called Señor Loadenstein.
41717 8 3 Lotto 6234 Jim Porque es muy rapido.
41718 8 3 Lotto 6234 Dwight OK. You know what? It's been a real busy day, what do you say we put all this away.
41719 8 3 Lotto 6234 Darryl Let me see it.
41720 8 3 Lotto 6234 Dwight It's uh, it's in beta testing.
41721 8 3 Lotto 6234 Darryl Let me see it!
41722 8 3 Lotto 6234 Dwight Get the thing, go! Lube it up, Kevin! Start mopping.
41723 8 3 Lotto 6234 Dwight, Erin, Jim, Kevin Uno! Dos! Tres!
41724 8 3 Lotto 6235 Phyllis Yeah, I lost my client.
41725 8 3 Lotto 6236 Creed I already won the lottery. I was born in the US of A, baby. And as backup I have a Swiss passport.
41726 8 3 Lotto 6237 Toby I would spend a lot of time launching my true crime podcast, The Flenderson Files. Dum bum buh. Flenderson files.
41727 8 3 Lotto 6238 Pam We came to an agreement. We're going to live in a stunning pre-war brownstone at the top of a mountain.
41728 8 3 Lotto 6238 Jim Right. It's city and country combined.
41729 8 3 Lotto 6238 Pam Just a subway stop away are the best museums in the world.
41730 8 3 Lotto 6238 Jim And I can fish right from the window of Pam's pottery studio. And we can chat any time we want.
41731 8 3 Lotto 6238 Pam Just like now.
41732 8 3 Lotto 6238 Jim Just like now....too bad the schools are terrible.
41733 8 3 Lotto 6238 Pam Oh..
41734 8 3 Lotto 6238 Jim But what are you gonna do about that?
41735 8 3 Lotto 6238 Pam What are you gonna do?
41736 8 4 Garden Party 6239 Jim Hey. So, we saw a new billboard.
41737 8 4 Garden Party 6239 Andy Yeah? Pretty cool, huh?
41738 8 4 Garden Party 6240 Andy What better way to announce our new slightly lower prices than with an ad campaign? And what better face for an ad campaign than our new regional manager?
41739 8 4 Garden Party 6241 Andy How'd it look?
41740 8 4 Garden Party 6241 Jim You've seen it, right?
41741 8 4 Garden Party 6241 Andy No.
41742 8 4 Garden Party 6241 Pam Andy, somebody defaced it.
41743 8 4 Garden Party 6241 Andy What? Morning, Stanley.
41744 8 4 Garden Party 6242 Jim There's this thing that people tend to do with billboards. How do I put this? If there's an opportunity for a graffiti artist to work in a... phallic shape, interacting with the artwork, it'll happen, and Andy gave them that opportunity.
41745 8 4 Garden Party 6243 Andy Erin, how long did we order those billboards for?
41746 8 4 Garden Party 6243 Erin Six months.
41747 8 4 Garden Party 6243 Andy Oh, god. I need you to call the billboard company.
41748 8 4 Garden Party 6243 Meredith Great billboard! Funny, edgy, right up to the line without crossing it, loved it.
41749 8 4 Garden Party 6243 Andy Which one did you see?
41750 8 4 Garden Party 6243 Meredith Washington Street, the one with, like, twenty dongs on it.
41751 8 4 Garden Party 6243 Jim Okay, don't be gross.
41752 8 4 Garden Party 6243 Dwight What's going on?
41753 8 4 Garden Party 6243 Pam Somebody defaced the billboards we just put out in an inappropriate way.
41754 8 4 Garden Party 6243 Dwight Oh, that's funny. Wait, from the photo shoot with you and me?
41755 8 4 Garden Party 6243 Andy Yeah, Dwight.
41756 8 4 Garden Party 6243 Dwight No. No. No! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! No, no, no, no, no, no, No, No, No, NO, NO! NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOO!
41757 8 4 Garden Party 6244 Dwight Schrute Farms is very easy to find, it's right in the middle of the root vegetable district. If the soil starts to get acidic, you've probably gone too far.
41758 8 4 Garden Party 6244 Ryan Just give us the address. We'll look it up online.
41759 8 4 Garden Party 6244 Dwight It's simpler this way.
41760 8 4 Garden Party 6244 Oscar It's really not.
41761 8 4 Garden Party 6244 Andy Now, stated arrival time is 3 p.m.
41762 8 4 Garden Party 6244 Kelly I don't get the reason for this party.
41763 8 4 Garden Party 6244 Phyllis Yeah, what's the reason?
41764 8 4 Garden Party 6244 Kelly What's the reason, Andy? What's the reason?
41765 8 4 Garden Party 6244 Andy It's just a garden party. Sheesh.
41766 8 4 Garden Party 6245 Andy You don't need a reason to throw a garden party anymore than you need a reason to throw a birthday party. It's a garden party. You don't need a reason.
41767 8 4 Garden Party 6246 Andy Few other super simple reminders ⓠno burping, no slurping, when eating take small bites and chew thoroughly with your mouth closed. Yes, Darryl?
41768 8 4 Garden Party 6246 Darryl What happens when we're done chewing? Do we spit it out on the floor, or keep it in our mouths the rest of the time?
41769 8 4 Garden Party 6246 Andy I get it, I'm being a little overbearing. But I promise to be underbearing for a week if you guys just all... step it up.
41770 8 4 Garden Party 6246 Oscar Andy, we understand basic table manners, we're not children.
41771 8 4 Garden Party 6246 Phyllis Yeah, it's just a picnic.
41772 8 4 Garden Party 6246 Andy This is not a picnic, Phyllis, it's a garden party.
41773 8 4 Garden Party 6246 Darryl There's a grill in the warehouse I could bring.
41774 8 4 Garden Party 6246 Andy Aw, ew, please don't. Not a barbecue. It's better than a barbecue. It's dignified, quieter, there are rules.
41775 8 4 Garden Party 6246 Pam How is that better than a barbecue?
41776 8 4 Garden Party 6246 Ryan What's the dress code on this?
41777 8 4 Garden Party 6246 Andy I'm glad you asked ⓠConnecticut Casual.
41778 8 4 Garden Party 6246 Stanley Any chance Connecticut Casual is Pennsylvania Business, i.e. this is what I'm wearing to your party.
41779 8 4 Garden Party 6246 Andy Guys, my family just threw a garden party to celebrate my brother's promotion. It was a huge success. Check it out, there's a video online. Heartwarming impromptu father-son duet.
41780 8 4 Garden Party 6246 Kevin Yeah, Oscar, you showed me this.
41781 8 4 Garden Party 6246 Darryl I've seen this, that's not you.
41782 8 4 Garden Party 6246 Meredith Yeah, whoa, who's the sausage?
41783 8 4 Garden Party 6246 Andy It's my dad and my brother. I would have joined in but this melody doesn't really support another harmony part, so... Check it out, that's my brother's boss. Look how psyched he is, he's having an awesome time.
41784 8 4 Garden Party 6246 Jim Ah, and did Robert California get an invite to your party?
41785 8 4 Garden Party 6246 Andy Yeah, of course. Ye... I mean, uh, yeah, I think he did.
41786 8 4 Garden Party 6246 Phyllis Why didn't you just say this was to impress Robert California?
41787 8 4 Garden Party 6247 Gabe I cannot believe that Andy is throwing a party like this just to impress the CEO. Classic Gabe move. Hey Andy, how about you don't steal my business strategies, and I won't dress like my life is just one long brunch?
41788 8 4 Garden Party 6248 Andy See you all there at 3 p.m., Connecticut Casual, remember your manners, and have a wonderful time.
41789 8 4 Garden Party 6248 Dwight And please refer to the map, stay off of the web. Thank you.
41790 8 4 Garden Party 6249 Jim So, we've typed in the address, now let's take a look at the street view.
41791 8 4 Garden Party 6249 Dwight They don't warn you when the cameras are driving by.
41792 8 4 Garden Party 6249 Jim Ah. Why do you keep reading that garden party book? I mean, how hard are finger sandwiches and tea?
41793 8 4 Garden Party 6249 Dwight There's so much more to it than that.
41794 8 4 Garden Party 6250 Dwight I've been wanting Schrute Farms to break into the high-end event hosting industry for some time, and this party is a great opportunity. Plus, I've got a secret weapon. Only one copy in the world and some sucker on the internet sold it to me for two dollars.
41795 8 4 Garden Party 6251 Jim I'm actually really disappointed in how poorly my book is doing. I've only sold one copy.
41796 8 4 Garden Party 6252 Angela Is there anything you wish you had done differently to avoid cankles?
41797 8 4 Garden Party 6252 Pam Nope.
41798 8 4 Garden Party 6252 Angela I've already gone up another cup size. The senator is grossed out. When do you start feeling it kick?
41799 8 4 Garden Party 6252 Pam Cece was around 22 weeks, but Phillip was much earlier.
41800 8 4 Garden Party 6252 Angela Phillip?
41801 8 4 Garden Party 6252 Pam Oh, oh my gosh. Yes, but don't, don't say anything, okay? It's after my grandfather.
41802 8 4 Garden Party 6252 Angela Phillip is the name that we're using. It's after my favorite cat.
41803 8 4 Garden Party 6252 Pam Oh, wow. Funny. It's after my grandfather.
41804 8 4 Garden Party 6252 Angela It's after my cat.
41805 8 4 Garden Party 6253 Robert Andrew, I've picked up two possible gifts to bring this afternoon. One, a pot of marmalade.
41806 8 4 Garden Party 6253 Andy Ooh, that sounds great.
41807 8 4 Garden Party 6253 Robert Well, that, that is what you want then, the marmalade.
41808 8 4 Garden Party 6253 Andy Sure.
41809 8 4 Garden Party 6253 Robert You don't want to hear the other one. You love marmalade.
41810 8 4 Garden Party 6253 Andy Uh, I'll hear the other one.
41811 8 4 Garden Party 6253 Robert It's a basil plant.
41812 8 4 Garden Party 6253 Andy You know, the marmalade sounds great.
41813 8 4 Garden Party 6253 Robert I also mentioned the marmalade to my sister and she's very interested.
41814 8 4 Garden Party 6253 Andy Then the basil will be fine.
41815 8 4 Garden Party 6253 Robert Well, you clearly want the marmalade. Gretchen, I need another marmalade. Alright.
41816 8 4 Garden Party 6254 Toby Hey, where do I park?
41817 8 4 Garden Party 6254 Mose I'm the valet. You have to give me your car.
41818 8 4 Garden Party 6254 Toby Uh, you know what, I can go park it myself.
41819 8 4 Garden Party 6254 Mose I'm the... I'm the valet. You have to give me your car.
41820 8 4 Garden Party 6254 Toby It's probably okay...
41821 8 4 Garden Party 6254 Mose Give me your car.
41822 8 4 Garden Party 6254 Toby I think it's better that I...
41823 8 4 Garden Party 6254 Mose Give me your car.
41824 8 4 Garden Party 6254 Toby It's a finicky car...
41825 8 4 Garden Party 6254 Mose Get out. Have a good time at the thing.
41826 8 4 Garden Party 6254 Toby It's a little tricky, you might have to... take...
41827 8 4 Garden Party 6255 Dwight MR. RYAN HOWARD!
41828 8 4 Garden Party 6256 Jim Chapter 2 ⓠAnnouncing guests as they enter is the height of decorum. The more volume displayed, the more honor is bestowed upon everyone present.
41829 8 4 Garden Party 6257 Dwight STANLEY HUDSON AND HIS MISTRESS CYNTHIA! JAMES, PAMELA, AND PEEPEE HALPERT!
41830 8 4 Garden Party 6258 Andy How's it going over here, guys?
41831 8 4 Garden Party 6258 Oscar Andy, stop hovering, you're being really annoying.
41832 8 4 Garden Party 6258 Andy Didn't mean to bother you, Mabel. Mabel, Mabel, if you're able, keep your elbows off the table.
41833 8 4 Garden Party 6258 Oscar Wow.
41834 8 4 Garden Party 6258 Dwight MR. AND MRS. WALTER AND ELLEN BERNARD!
41835 8 4 Garden Party 6259 Walter So, you all work with Andy.
41836 8 4 Garden Party 6259 Andy Well, technically FOR Andy.
41837 8 4 Garden Party 6259 Oscar Technically FOR Robert California. He's our CEO.
41838 8 4 Garden Party 6259 Ellen I thought you were the CEO.
41839 8 4 Garden Party 6259 Andy I don't know how you got there.
41840 8 4 Garden Party 6259 Walter You said you were running the company.
41841 8 4 Garden Party 6259 Andy This branch, I'm the regional manager.
41842 8 4 Garden Party 6259 Walter Yes, that makes more sense. Are you all regional managers?
41843 8 4 Garden Party 6260 Andy Did I throw this party to impress my parents? That's crazy. Now, if they wanted a garden party, they could throw one themselves, which, as a matter of fact, they did, last week. They threw one for my baby brother who is totally amazing, but I couldn't care less.
41844 8 4 Garden Party 6261 Andy Can I introduce you around now?
41845 8 4 Garden Party 6261 Walter Uh, yeah, we don't have too long, we have theater tickets.
41846 8 4 Garden Party 6261 Andy What are you going to see?
41847 8 4 Garden Party 6261 Walter Money Ball. Walter Jr.'s choice.
41848 8 4 Garden Party 6261 Andy What??
41849 8 4 Garden Party 6261 Walter Jr Hey Bronard!
41850 8 4 Garden Party 6261 Andy I didn't know you were going to be here.
41851 8 4 Garden Party 6261 Walter Jr I wouldn't have missed it.
41852 8 4 Garden Party 6262 Erin Ahh!
41853 8 4 Garden Party 6263 Walter Jr I'm Walter, Andy's younger brother.
41854 8 4 Garden Party 6263 Jim Oh, hey, how are you doing, I'm Jim.
41855 8 4 Garden Party 6263 Walter Jr Tuna, right? And this must be your lovely wife Pam .
41856 8 4 Garden Party 6263 Jim No.
41857 8 4 Garden Party 6263 Meredith Hell no. She wishes.
41858 8 4 Garden Party 6263 Jim No, no, no, no, no. No.
41859 8 4 Garden Party 6264 Waiter Sir, I need to be able to feed all the guests.
41860 8 4 Garden Party 6264 Kevin I understand.
41861 8 4 Garden Party 6265 Dwight Set that down. Present yourself.
41862 8 4 Garden Party 6266 Jim Chapter 4 ⓠOne of the host's most important duties is as Dance Master. A proper courtly dance sets the tone for the entire afternoon.
41863 8 4 Garden Party 6267 Dwight LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MAY I PRESENT, ROBERT CALIFORNIA!
41864 8 4 Garden Party 6267 Robert Hello Andy.
41865 8 4 Garden Party 6267 Andy Welcome.
41866 8 4 Garden Party 6267 Robert Thank you.
41867 8 4 Garden Party 6267 Andy Hey, I want you to meet my first bosses, Mom and Dad.
41868 8 4 Garden Party 6267 Robert Yes, hello, nice to meet you.
41869 8 4 Garden Party 6267 Walter Pleasure.
41870 8 4 Garden Party 6267 Robert Andy, where shall I put your basil plant?
41871 8 4 Garden Party 6267 Andy Oh, I thought you were going to bring marmalade.
41872 8 4 Garden Party 6267 Robert No, I'm certain you said basil.
41873 8 4 Garden Party 6268 Ryan This is not funny, man, let me down.
41874 8 4 Garden Party 6268 Kevin I think this thing is broken.
41875 8 4 Garden Party 6268 Ryan It's not broken, Kevin. This is how it works.
41876 8 4 Garden Party 6269 Andy So pretty today.
41877 8 4 Garden Party 6269 Ellen It's getting chilly.
41878 8 4 Garden Party 6269 Walter We really should be leaving.
41879 8 4 Garden Party 6269 Andy Yeah, um, it would be weird if the boss man didn't make a toast, so, hang on. Everybody, I just want to take this opportunity to thank you all for coming, and to raise a glass to my amazing staff.
41880 8 4 Garden Party 6270 Andy Toasts are great. I mean, you toast somebody, they toast you back. It just goes round and round. That's my favorite part about toasts, the reciprocity.
41881 8 4 Garden Party 6271 Andy Let's hear from you guys, who do you want to toast?
41882 8 4 Garden Party 6271 Darryl Yeah, I'll say something. I think we should be acknowledging our boss, because none of us would be here without him. Robert California!
41883 8 4 Garden Party 6272 Gabe I can't believe I didn't think of toasting Robert. Get in the game, Gabriel! Why are you talking to Stanley's mistress?
41884 8 4 Garden Party 6273 Angela I would like to toast someone who isn't here but who will be in just four short months. Welcome to the world, Phillip Lipton!
41885 8 4 Garden Party 6273 Pam I also would like to toast Phillip Halpert, who is due even sooner. May he be a good namesake to my grandfather who I promised as a child long before tonight that I would one day name my son after him. To Phillip Halpert!
41886 8 4 Garden Party 6274 Angela She just always has to copy anything I do! It's the Ford Taurus situation all over again!
41887 8 4 Garden Party 6275 Ryan I'd like to make a toast to the troops. All the troops. Both sides.
41888 8 4 Garden Party 6275 Erin I think we should toast...
41889 8 4 Garden Party 6276 Dwight Ladies and gentlemen! The last supper.
41890 8 4 Garden Party 6277 Jim Chapter 9 ⓠThe tableau vivant is not only welcomed, but expected entertainment at any garden party.
41891 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Kevin Andy? I think we should acknowledge the man who has led us to such a profitable quarter. To Robert California.
41892 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Gabe I would also like to toast Robert California. Mr. California,...
41893 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Andy You can't triple toast somebody! At least not until we get everyone once.
41894 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Robert I'll say a few words if that's alright with you, Andy.
41895 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Andy Yeah, yeah.
41896 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Robert You people say I led you, but it wasn't me. You want to toast the man who led you to success, but the boss is irrelevant. Andy and I, we produce nothing. We do nothing. We sit in our offices and demand, I want this and that right now, like petulant children. You know, the difference between a crying baby and a manager, one day the baby will grow up. But, without you, Andy and I would be sitting in our dirty diapers, waiting for someone to change us, wipe us. I should be toasting you, thanking you, for allowing me to have the easiest job in the universe. Cheers.
41897 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Gabe To Robert California, from the moment you entered our building and our hearts, you...
41898 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Andy Some of you know that we have an internet star in our midst. Mr. Walter Baynes Bernard Sr., please report to the stage!
41899 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Walter I'm eating, Andy.
41900 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Andy Ah, come on!
41901 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Walter Okay. Okay.
41902 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Andy Yes!
41903 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Walter What do you want to do?
41904 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Andy Well, how about one of our classic father/son duets?
41905 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Walter Oh, whoa, sure? Really? It's a little tricky.
41906 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Andy Saying I love you is not the words...
41907 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Walter It's too high.
41908 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Andy Yeah?
41909 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Walter It's high but it's not that high.
41910 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Andy Right, it feels strange.
41911 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Walter Just take it down a little.
41912 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Andy Saying I love... Saying I love you...
41913 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Walter Here, give it to me. Okay. Uh, something like... Saying I love you is...
41914 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Andy, Walter ...not the words...
41915 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Walter You don't come in yet. ...I want to hear from you, It's not that I want you...
41916 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Andy, Walter ...not to say it but if you only knew... More than words is all you have to do to make it real...
41917 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Andy Is anyone filming this? Seriously! Erin!
41918 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Erin It's either taping or calling.
41919 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Andy, Walter What would you do if my heart was torn in two...
41920 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Walter You know what, Walter Jr. is here. Why don't you come up and join us?
41921 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Walter Jr Dad, no. I'm just having a good time getting to know Andy's friends here.
41922 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Meredith Get up there and sing or I will cut your larynx and you'll never be able to sing again. Woo!
41923 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Walter, Walter Jr May the good lord be with you down every road you roam. And may sunshine and happiness surround you when you're far from home. And may you grow to be proud, dignified and true. And do unto others as you'd have done to you...
41924 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Andy Cheers! Alright! Cheers, cheers, cheers, get your own guitar.
41925 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Erin's Cell Phone If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again.
41926 8 4 Garden Party 6278 Erin Sorry.
41927 8 4 Garden Party 6279 Kelly I am so cold.
41928 8 4 Garden Party 6279 Ryan That's because you didn't bring a jacket.
41929 8 4 Garden Party 6280 Dwight My first love is beet farming, but it's a young man's game. Who ever heard of an old beet farmer?
41930 8 4 Garden Party 6280 Robert Forget the beets. Concentrate on the hosting. I could spend a considerable amount of money having my birthday party here.
41931 8 4 Garden Party 6280 Dwight Oh really? Well, we have a number of birthday packages. The Pewter Package has the least amount of goats, not no goats, it's still 10-12 goats, depending on the availability of the goats. Now the Goat Package obviously has the most goats. What were you thinking?
41932 8 4 Garden Party 6280 Robert Of course I am not interested in goats. Why would you spend so much time going over the goats with me?
41933 8 4 Garden Party 6280 Dwight I can get you exotic meats ⓠhippo steaks, giraffe burgers...
41934 8 4 Garden Party 6280 Robert We'll talk.
41935 8 4 Garden Party 6280 Dwight It'll all be goat.
41936 8 4 Garden Party 6281 Andy Hello, Cece Halpert? This is Andrew Bernard. I'd very much like to speak with you about your paper supply needs. That wasn't even my worst sales call.
41937 8 4 Garden Party 6281 Walter Hi. What was that display?
41938 8 4 Garden Party 6281 Andy I don't know, I just thought if I could throw this great garden party and show you how respected I am that you'd be proud of me.
41939 8 4 Garden Party 6281 Walter Andrew...
41940 8 4 Garden Party 6281 Andy I know, I know that you're proud of me.
41941 8 4 Garden Party 6281 Walter I'm not going to tell you how impressed I am that you're a manager of some rinky dink branch of a paper company in Scranton, Pennsylvania. How long are you going to go on needing my approval? You're a grown man, don't act like a little boy who needs...
41942 8 4 Garden Party 6282 Darryl I think if I had parents like that I'd be trying to convince everyone all the time how great I was, too.
41943 8 4 Garden Party 6282 Oscar Guess we found Andy's rosebud.
41944 8 4 Garden Party 6282 Darryl Rosebud?
41945 8 4 Garden Party 6282 Oscar It's a reference to Citizen Kane. Something that explains why a person became the way they are.
41946 8 4 Garden Party 6282 Darryl I know Citizen Kane. Rosebud didn't explain why he was how he was, it just represented what was important to him as a child, that he missed.
41947 8 4 Garden Party 6282 Oscar Different school of thought. Let's just agree to disagree.
41948 8 4 Garden Party 6282 Darryl No. You're wrong.
41949 8 4 Garden Party 6283 Robert Are you sure?
41950 8 4 Garden Party 6283 Ryan Yeah! I'm too hot anyway.
41951 8 4 Garden Party 6283 Robert My body has somehow become acclimated to southern Italy. Isn't that strange? I've never been there! Oh, ah, yes, that's nice. Thank you.
41952 8 4 Garden Party 6284 Walter It was a nice party, the setting was a little strange. Uh, the food...
41953 8 4 Garden Party 6284 Ellen Sandwiches were dry.
41954 8 4 Garden Party 6284 Walter Jr Bye Tuna, bye Pam!
41955 8 4 Garden Party 6285 Andy Hey everybody, I'm gonna leave and I just wanted to say I'm really sorry.
41956 8 4 Garden Party 6285 Darryl Cheeseburger or hamburger.
41957 8 4 Garden Party 6285 Andy Um, cheeseburger.
41958 8 4 Garden Party 6285 Oscar Narddog.
41959 8 4 Garden Party 6285 Andy Thanks, Oscar.
41960 8 4 Garden Party 6286 Pam What are they doing?
41961 8 4 Garden Party 6286 Jim Closing ceremonies.
41962 8 4 Garden Party 6286 Pam Nice touch.
41963 8 4 Garden Party 6287 Jim I think I left my wallet in your house.
41964 8 4 Garden Party 6287 Dwight Who cares.
41965 8 4 Garden Party 6287 Jim Right here.
41966 8 4 Garden Party 6287 Dwight MR. JAMES HALPERT!
41967 8 4 Garden Party 6287 Jim Keys, keys...
41968 8 4 Garden Party 6287 Dwight Stop forgetting things.
41969 8 4 Garden Party 6287 Jim I didn't forget them, they're right here.
41970 8 4 Garden Party 6287 Dwight MR. JAMES HALPERT!
41971 8 4 Garden Party 6287 Jim I'm so sorry, I think I forgot that thing...
41972 8 4 Garden Party 6287 Dwight What? Idiot.
41973 8 4 Garden Party 6287 Jim Whoo.
41974 8 4 Garden Party 6287 Dwight MIS... MI... What are you doing?
41975 8 4 Garden Party 6287 Jim Hey, I have a question. Who do you think is really the best salesman in this office?
41976 8 4 Garden Party 6287 Dwight That's a stupid question, obviously mISTER JAMES HALPERT!
41977 8 5 Spooked 6288 Andy Approved!
41978 8 5 Spooked 6289 Andy Chef from South Park, it's genius!
41979 8 5 Spooked 6289 Stanley Just some chef.
41980 8 5 Spooked 6290 Andy I've decided to pre-screen all the Halloween costumes this year. I have three simple rules - don't be offensive, don't be cliche, and don't take the first two rules too seriously.
41981 8 5 Spooked 6291 Kevin The gorilla from Rise of the Planet of the Apes? Huh? The one who sacrifices his life.
41982 8 5 Spooked 6291 Andy Whoa! Aw, spoiler alert.
41983 8 5 Spooked 6291 Kevin It's been out for ages, man.
41984 8 5 Spooked 6291 Andy Costume vetoed.
41985 8 5 Spooked 6292 Andy Ah, it's, uh... somebody's already called that.
41986 8 5 Spooked 6292 Phyllis Who?
41987 8 5 Spooked 6292 Andy Kevin has a gorilla suit you could borrow.
41988 8 5 Spooked 6293 Kelly This is ridiculous! Why can't there just be two Kate Middleton's?
41989 8 5 Spooked 6293 Andy Guys, I know, I mean, I wish there could be, too. It's like, I can't choose. They're both amazing. It's just...
41990 8 5 Spooked 6293 Kelly Look, I stayed up all night and I watched that gd wedding, and then I came to work and I made everyone else watch it all day. Meredith wasn't even here.
41991 8 5 Spooked 6293 Meredith Because I was there. Your the people's princess! Diana was nothing!
41992 8 5 Spooked 6293 Andy I thought you were at your sister's funeral.
41993 8 5 Spooked 6293 Meredith What I said was, "My sister's funeral is this weekend." Didn't say I'd be there.
41994 8 5 Spooked 6294 Meredith Why is it such a shock that I follow the royal story? Warms my heart, thinking about them two kids, doing it.
41995 8 5 Spooked 6295 Andy Um, can I, maybe, squeeze through?
41996 8 5 Spooked 6295 Erin Here you go.
41997 8 5 Spooked 6295 Andy There you go. Thank you.
41998 8 5 Spooked 6296 Erin When they talk about all the nice things about dating a coworker, they don't mention one of the best parts. After you're done dating, you still get to work together, every single day.
41999 8 5 Spooked 6297 Kevin Jim, put it on.
42000 8 5 Spooked 6297 Darryl Put it on, man.
42001 8 5 Spooked 6297 Jim I don't know if I can.
42002 8 5 Spooked 6297 Kevin Come on, the Three Amigos.
42003 8 5 Spooked 6297 Darryl Three Kings.
42004 8 5 Spooked 6297 Jim Alright.
42005 8 5 Spooked 6298 Jim I know, I know, I know. But Darryl and Kevin needed a third. They bought me this jersey. I said no. Kevin started crying. So, I am Chris Bosh.
42006 8 5 Spooked 6299 Ryan If you get into season 1, you can really...
42007 8 5 Spooked 6299 Kelly Oh my god, what the hell is wrong with you?
42008 8 5 Spooked 6299 Dwight It's called a costume.
42009 8 5 Spooked 6299 Kelly What are you, some kind of Jamaican zombie woman?
42010 8 5 Spooked 6299 Dwight Ryan, will you please tell her who I am?
42011 8 5 Spooked 6299 Ryan Whoopi Goldberg.
42012 8 5 Spooked 6299 Dwight Has no one here heard of Kerrigan, from Starcraft? Queen of blades? It's all Toby's fault.
42013 8 5 Spooked 6300 Toby Every Halloween I tell him the same thing - You can't bring weapons into the office, and every year he says the same thing - As soon as I get my weapons back I'm gonna kill you. But there I am at Thanksgiving, alive, you know. I'm a lucky turkey.
42014 8 5 Spooked 6301 Andy Everybody looking good, this is, this is the best we can do? I'm not judging, I, I think you guys look great, I just... wanna make sure this is the best we can do?
42015 8 5 Spooked 6302 Andy I just got a text from Broccoli Rob - "Boo!" Scared me. And then I got this text from Robert California - "Looking forward to Halloween party. Expectations are high." Scared the s**t out of me.
42016 8 5 Spooked 6303 Andy G'day, Pameroo. Could you shoot this off for me?
42017 8 5 Spooked 6303 Pam Yeah.
42018 8 5 Spooked 6303 Andy Australian accent...
42019 8 5 Spooked 6304 Pam What are you doing?
42020 8 5 Spooked 6304 Erin Oh, I just wanted to see how you do it, if you're doing something I don't.
42021 8 5 Spooked 6304 Pam Oh. Are you...
42022 8 5 Spooked 6304 Erin That Andy, so hot and cold. One day he's like, fax these documents, please. The next he's like, Pam, you fax them, who cares what Erin's feeling, right?
42023 8 5 Spooked 6304 Pam Oh, Erin...
42024 8 5 Spooked 6304 Erin Pam, how would you rate me as a receptionist on a scale of 1 to 3?
42025 8 5 Spooked 6304 Pam Um, 2?
42026 8 5 Spooked 6304 Erin That's like, the second to last thing I wanted to hear.
42027 8 5 Spooked 6304 Pam No, I mean, you're doing great, and Andy put you in charge of the whole party, right?
42028 8 5 Spooked 6304 Erin Yeah...
42029 8 5 Spooked 6304 Pam Yeah.
42030 8 5 Spooked 6304 Erin Send completed. You are the best in the biz, I can't deny.
42031 8 5 Spooked 6305 Phyllis Bob and I are doing this Scranton Haunted Walking Tour.
42032 8 5 Spooked 6305 Oscar I always wondered what kind of people went on that thing.
42033 8 5 Spooked 6305 Pam Oh, hey, if you go by the Banshee Pub, tell the Man In Black I say hello.
42034 8 5 Spooked 6305 Oscar What happened, Pam?
42035 8 5 Spooked 6305 Pam Okay. When I was 22, I worked there and everybody said the place was haunted. I didn't believe it until one day before we opened, I look up into the mirror, you know, behind the bar, and I see this old man dressed all in black, but when I turn around, there's no one there. So, I tell the cook my story...
42036 8 5 Spooked 6305 Phyllis Wait, they have food there?
42037 8 5 Spooked 6305 Pam ...and he said, That's what everyone sees, that's the Man In Black.
42038 8 5 Spooked 6306 Jim No! My wife does not believe in ghosts.
42039 8 5 Spooked 6307 Jim Hey.
42040 8 5 Spooked 6307 Pam Hey!
42041 8 5 Spooked 6307 Jim Oh, this Man In Black thing, what do you think that was about?
42042 8 5 Spooked 6307 Pam What do you mean?
42043 8 5 Spooked 6307 Jim Was it, like, trickery in the lights, or maybe you were so primed to see it, then there it was?
42044 8 5 Spooked 6307 Pam I saw a ghost.
42045 8 5 Spooked 6307 Jim Mmhmm. No, but what I'm saying is, like, do you ever wonder what it was?
42046 8 5 Spooked 6307 Pam It was a ghost, I told you this on, like, our first date.
42047 8 5 Spooked 6307 Jim Yeah, I had just told you about the day that I met the Blue Angels. I figured you had to top it.
42048 8 5 Spooked 6307 Pam I don't know what to tell you, Jim, but I saw a ghost.
42049 8 5 Spooked 6308 Andy Hey! Uh-oh, looks like we're under a Jack attack!
42050 8 5 Spooked 6308 Robert Yes, Andrew. And you, on this day of fantasy, are a laborer.
42051 8 5 Spooked 6308 Andy Yes.
42052 8 5 Spooked 6308 Robert Everyone, this Bert, my son. Bert, this is... a paper company.
42053 8 5 Spooked 6308 Bert Hello. Can I use a computer? I need to check a hurricane.
42054 8 5 Spooked 6308 Robert Here, use this one.
42055 8 5 Spooked 6308 Robert Oh, look, Pin The Wart On The Wench. How did you know I was bringing my son?
42056 8 5 Spooked 6308 Erin Oh, I didn't. It was for us, but he can play. Bertie-boy, would you like to play this game?
42057 8 5 Spooked 6308 Bert That stuff's for babies.
42058 8 5 Spooked 6308 Robert Well, perhaps this party will awaken the baby in all of us.
42059 8 5 Spooked 6308 Andy Wow, who shot our grown-up party with a kiddie raygun? We're still getting it set up, it's gonna be really cool.
42060 8 5 Spooked 6309 Robert Extraordinary. Did you plan this?
42061 8 5 Spooked 6309 Kelly Well, Toby and I did, yeah.
42062 8 5 Spooked 6309 Gabe And I overheard, and thought, hey, that'd be fun, don't mind if I do.
42063 8 5 Spooked 6309 Toby If you turn out the lights we'll do a little dance.
42064 8 5 Spooked 6309 Kelly 1, 2, 3!
42065 8 5 Spooked 6309 Gabe, Kelly, Toby Dem bones, dem bones, dem tired bones, now we're the skeleton crew.
42066 8 5 Spooked 6309 Robert Delightful.
42067 8 5 Spooked 6309 Kelly Thank you.
42068 8 5 Spooked 6309 Robert Now then, how are we today?
42069 8 5 Spooked 6309 Kelly Fine.
42070 8 5 Spooked 6309 Toby Great.
42071 8 5 Spooked 6309 Robert Just fine, Kelly? Everything alright?
42072 8 5 Spooked 6309 Kelly Mmhmm.
42073 8 5 Spooked 6309 Robert You feeling fulfilled in your life?
42074 8 5 Spooked 6309 Kelly I guess.
42075 8 5 Spooked 6309 Robert You guess? So, there is something you want that you do not have.
42076 8 5 Spooked 6309 Kelly I try not to think about it.
42077 8 5 Spooked 6309 Robert Because it's too terrifying to imagine. Now we're cooking. What is it, Kelly? What is this great fear of yours?
42078 8 5 Spooked 6309 Kelly Never marrying.
42079 8 5 Spooked 6309 Robert Yes. Dying alone, that is very scary. And how are you, Toby?
42080 8 5 Spooked 6309 Toby So great.
42081 8 5 Spooked 6310 Erin Oh, I put those up.
42082 8 5 Spooked 6310 Angela I know. I'm taking them down.
42083 8 5 Spooked 6310 Phyllis I almost wonder if putting nothing on this wall is more Halloween-y.
42084 8 5 Spooked 6310 Erin I don't know about this, guys, Andy put me in charge of the Halloween party, so...
42085 8 5 Spooked 6310 Angela Well, Andy sent us in here, so which is it?
42086 8 5 Spooked 6310 Erin Oh.
42087 8 5 Spooked 6310 Angela So, can we speak our minds now, or are we still sparing feelings, because I hate all of this.
42088 8 5 Spooked 6311 Bert Very low pressure in the Sargasso Sea, warm air from South America, cold air from Greenland. All signs point to the perfect storm.
42089 8 5 Spooked 6311 Dwight Yeah, perfectly mediocre.
42090 8 5 Spooked 6311 Bert What are you, anyway?
42091 8 5 Spooked 6311 Dwight I'm a Jamaican zombie woman, leave me alone, ghoul.
42092 8 5 Spooked 6311 Bert If you had some really big wings with blades on the end, you'd kind of look like Kerrigan from Starcraft.
42093 8 5 Spooked 6311 Dwight Damnit. I AM Kerrigan from Starcraft! I've been censored.
42094 8 5 Spooked 6311 Bert If you're going to be a Zerg, at least be a Lurker, not some girl.
42095 8 5 Spooked 6311 Dwight Kerrigan is ruler of the Zerg swarm!
42096 8 5 Spooked 6311 Bert Yeah, she also has boobs.
42097 8 5 Spooked 6311 Dwight Yeah, but no nipples.
42098 8 5 Spooked 6312 Erin Hey.
42099 8 5 Spooked 6312 Andy Hey. What's up?
42100 8 5 Spooked 6312 Erin November's sure creeping up, ain't it? Can't stop that month!
42101 8 5 Spooked 6312 Andy Yeah...
42102 8 5 Spooked 6312 Erin Hey, what's the jive with Angela and Phyllis helping with the party, you know?
42103 8 5 Spooked 6312 Andy Um, I just thought you could use some help, you know, because Robert came in and thought the party seemed a little kiddie, and I guess I agreed, and maybe we could mix a little more 13 into the PG.
42104 8 5 Spooked 6312 Erin But that's it? There's nothing about me, or I?
42105 8 5 Spooked 6312 Andy Can we talk about it at the end of the day? I gotta call, gotta make a call.
42106 8 5 Spooked 6312 Erin Oh, yeah, sorry. Yes, we can.
42107 8 5 Spooked 6312 Andy Yes. I don't know. Mmhmm.
42108 8 5 Spooked 6313 Erin Gabe?
42109 8 5 Spooked 6313 Gabe Sweetheart.
42110 8 5 Spooked 6313 Erin I'm throwing the Halloween Party and I just want to amp it up a little. I think it could use some extra pizazz.
42111 8 5 Spooked 6313 Gabe Ok where does Gabe factor in?
42112 8 5 Spooked 6313 Erin Remember that Halloween party you took me to once? The one where I started crying as soon as I walked in and I didn't stop crying?
42113 8 5 Spooked 6313 Gabe Yes. Lars and Decocco's
42114 8 5 Spooked 6313 Erin Ok. Let's say that I wanted this party to be a tiny, tiny bit like that one. Just... more adult... more... scary and sexy
42115 8 5 Spooked 6313 Gabe I will make this sexier than you could ever imagine.
42116 8 5 Spooked 6313 Erin No ⓠjust scary. If we wanted ideas for scary stuff.
42117 8 5 Spooked 6313 Gabe Oh that would be scary!
42118 8 5 Spooked 6313 Erin What are you thinking?
42119 8 5 Spooked 6313 Gabe Ok let me go get it.
42120 8 5 Spooked 6314 Pam Pam Halpert.
42121 8 5 Spooked 6314 Jim Hey it's Jim Halpert. I was wondering if you wanted to see a movie tonight. Because I've read a lot about this really great documentary.
42122 8 5 Spooked 6314 Pam Is it called Ghostbusters?
42123 8 5 Spooked 6314 Jim It's called Ghostbusters.
42124 8 5 Spooked 6314 Pam It didn't look like that.
42125 8 5 Spooked 6314 Jim It didn't have a buster sign around him? Why don't you draw him? Why don't we see this whole thing.
42126 8 5 Spooked 6314 Pam Ok fine I'll draw him.
42127 8 5 Spooked 6314 Jim I ain't fraid of no ghost. Whoa!
42128 8 5 Spooked 6314 Pam Mmhmm. Dwight are you eating a stick?
42129 8 5 Spooked 6314 Dwight It's a root you idiot.
42130 8 5 Spooked 6314 Bert Everyone hates you.
42131 8 5 Spooked 6314 Dwight That's really rude. I don't tell you hurricanes suck even though it's true.
42132 8 5 Spooked 6314 Bert What do you like? Tornadoes?
42133 8 5 Spooked 6314 Dwight Try influenza.
42134 8 5 Spooked 6314 Bert Oh yeah? What's the vaccine you can take to avoid a hurricane?
42135 8 5 Spooked 6314 Dwight Open up a newspaper. Oh look a hurricane's coming. I suppose you're going to tell me the scariest animal is a shark?
42136 8 5 Spooked 6314 Bert Try a box jelly fish.
42137 8 5 Spooked 6315 Jim You know that's...
42138 8 5 Spooked 6315 Robert What are we talking about?
42139 8 5 Spooked 6315 Jim I was talking about my wife and how she believes in ghosts. And then we had a little debate and Meredith said she believes in them too.
42140 8 5 Spooked 6315 Robert You seem unimpressed. Ghosts don't scare you?
42141 8 5 Spooked 6315 Kevin I'm only scared of real things like serial killers and kidnappers. Not things that don't exist like ghosts or mummies.
42142 8 5 Spooked 6315 Oscar Mummies are real. There are mummies at museums.
42143 8 5 Spooked 6315 Kevin Yeah ...prank
42144 8 5 Spooked 6315 Robert It's true. They've been preserved for thousands of years. They're all over.
42145 8 5 Spooked 6316 Kevin Why on Earth would a museum put a mummy in it?!?
42146 8 5 Spooked 6317 Erin Witch's brew?
42147 8 5 Spooked 6318 Erin I grew this party up real fast. Get out of here little kid party. Nobody loves you. And clean up your room! Grownups are going to use it later! Oooh!
42148 8 5 Spooked 6319 Jim Party looks fun doesn't it? Everybody seems to be in there having a great time. So maybe now would be a great time for me to pop back on the computer.
42149 8 5 Spooked 6319 Bert I'm using it. I'm about to play Starcraft with him .
42150 8 5 Spooked 6319 Jim Are you serious?
42151 8 5 Spooked 6319 Dwight Yeah I'm serious.
42152 8 5 Spooked 6319 Jim That's funny. Ok.
42153 8 5 Spooked 6319 Dwight Loser.
42154 8 5 Spooked 6319 Bert Yeah.
42155 8 5 Spooked 6320 Angela Pam do you think anyone's going to notice I've worn this costume before? When I wasn't pregnant. You know I bet nobody would believe it still fits.
42156 8 5 Spooked 6321 Oscar Hey guys. I'm an Oscar liar weiner.
42157 8 5 Spooked 6321 Ryan Oh my god!
42158 8 5 Spooked 6322 Darryl This party's tight. The fog is cool.
42159 8 5 Spooked 6322 Erin Thanks. It's on medium.
42160 8 5 Spooked 6322 Darryl Perfect.
42161 8 5 Spooked 6322 Andy It really looks great. You did a great job.
42162 8 5 Spooked 6322 Erin Oh, so we don't have to have that talk.
42163 8 5 Spooked 6322 Andy We should still have that talk. Maybe you can come by my office at like 4:45? Cool.
42164 8 5 Spooked 6323 Erin Oookayyy everybody. Be prepared to be scared. Ok.
42165 8 5 Spooked 6324 Gabe The cinema of the unsettling is a growing film movement. The most well known film in the genre is an hour long shot of a squirrel with diarrhea.
42166 8 5 Spooked 6325 Oscar Is that my grandmother?
42167 8 5 Spooked 6325 Andy What's the story?
42168 8 5 Spooked 6325 Oscar There is no story.
42169 8 5 Spooked 6325 Gabe Yeah it seems like there isn't a narrative. Maybe the filmmaker realized that even narrative is comforting.
42170 8 5 Spooked 6325 Stanley What the hell is going on here?
42171 8 5 Spooked 6325 Andy I think we've seen enough. You can turn it off now. Yeah turn it off now.
42172 8 5 Spooked 6325 Stanley How did you get in my car?
42173 8 5 Spooked 6325 Oscar Where is this from? That is so upsetting!
42174 8 5 Spooked 6325 Andy That was awful. Robert I apologize.
42175 8 5 Spooked 6325 Erin I'm sorry. I got confused. I heard you wanted to make the party more adult. But I think I know what to do now . This game is called "pecker Poker". It's the game of cards that gets you hard.
42176 8 5 Spooked 6326 Andy What we have here is a classic misunderstanding.
42177 8 5 Spooked 6326 Robert Why didn't you simply ask Andy to clarify? Asking is a very easy thing to do. You're obviously very close. . Oh I see. This no longer seems like my business .
42178 8 5 Spooked 6326 Erin All I know is you wanted to have a talk with me and I got nervous so...
42179 8 5 Spooked 6326 Robert You were going to talk at the end of the... I'm not here.
42180 8 5 Spooked 6326 Andy Did you think I was going to fire you? No I wasn't. I'm sorry this must be really uncomfortable for you.
42181 8 5 Spooked 6326 Robert I'm never uncomfortable.
42182 8 5 Spooked 6326 Andy Ok. Erin I think you know I've been dating someone.
42183 8 5 Spooked 6326 Erin Sure.
42184 8 5 Spooked 6326 Andy And it's getting a little more serious. She's never come by.
42185 8 5 Spooked 6326 Erin And she's never called here. Unless it's your mom.
42186 8 5 Spooked 6326 Andy No I didn't want her to call because I thought it would be weird. But now it's weird that she's not calling.
42187 8 5 Spooked 6326 Erin Two dates? Three dates?
42188 8 5 Spooked 6326 Andy Thirty-one.
42189 8 5 Spooked 6326 Erin Wow. I'm so happy for you guys. Um let me know when you get to forty. I'll see you guys.
42190 8 5 Spooked 6326 Robert I should go.
42191 8 5 Spooked 6327 Darryl I just don't get it, Pam. I mean, you're a rational person.
42192 8 5 Spooked 6327 Jim Thank you.
42193 8 5 Spooked 6327 Pam Jim doesn't let me wash his NFL jersey during the playoffs. How is this any less logical?
42194 8 5 Spooked 6327 Jim Careful, whoa. First of all, it's not like I think that's going to help the Eagles win.
42195 8 5 Spooked 6327 Pam Really.
42196 8 5 Spooked 6327 Jim No. That is just a bunch of people participating in a collective thing that maybe the Eagles will hear about and want to play better. It's not...
42197 8 5 Spooked 6327 Kevin Exactly.
42198 8 5 Spooked 6327 Jim Thank you.
42199 8 5 Spooked 6328 Dwight Go, get up there right now.
42200 8 5 Spooked 6328 Bert Got it.
42201 8 5 Spooked 6328 Darryl Dwight?
42202 8 5 Spooked 6328 Dwight You wanna attack or let them come to us? Your call, B.
42203 8 5 Spooked 6328 Bert Unleash the hellstorm.
42204 8 5 Spooked 6328 Darryl Dwight.
42205 8 5 Spooked 6328 Dwight Nice.
42206 8 5 Spooked 6328 Darryl Dwight!
42207 8 5 Spooked 6328 Dwight Got 'em. Go!
42208 8 5 Spooked 6329 Phyllis Is she Asian?
42209 8 5 Spooked 6329 Erin I don't know. She's from somewhere, I bet. Maybe from the forest.
42210 8 5 Spooked 6329 Phyllis Forest? Did Andy say his girlfriend's from the forest?
42211 8 5 Spooked 6329 Erin I don't know, Phyllis. Maybe she's from the city.
42212 8 5 Spooked 6329 Phyllis Hmm.
42213 8 5 Spooked 6330 Robert Looks terribly real, doesn't it, Creed?
42214 8 5 Spooked 6330 Creed No...
42215 8 5 Spooked 6330 Robert Are you scared of snakes?
42216 8 5 Spooked 6330 Creed You don't live as long as I have without a healthy fear of snakes, Bobby.
42217 8 5 Spooked 6331 Darryl Yeah, I guess sometimes I have nightmares about being buried alive.
42218 8 5 Spooked 6332 Meredith Honestly, Jim gives me the creeps.
42219 8 5 Spooked 6333 Robert What am I up to?
42220 8 5 Spooked 6334 Jim Like, a few years down the road, Cece says, "Mom, there's a ghost in my closet." Now, you say one of two things - one, "You're just having a bad dream," or two, "Let's go see what it was."
42221 8 5 Spooked 6334 Pam I'm not gonna freak her out, Jim.
42222 8 5 Spooked 6334 Jim Ok.
42223 8 5 Spooked 6334 Pam I'm not gonna lie to her, either.
42224 8 5 Spooked 6334 Jim Oh, come on!
42225 8 5 Spooked 6334 Robert When I was a boy, there was an empty house just up the hill from my family's. It was rumored a man committed suicide there after being possessed by the devil. One day, a young woman, Lydia, moved into the house with her infant child. That very night, Lydia was awakened by a loud, heinous hissing sound. She walked to the nursery, and there, in baby's crib, was a snake wrapped around baby's neck, squeezing tighter and tighter.
42226 8 5 Spooked 6334 Creed Oh my goodness.
42227 8 5 Spooked 6334 Robert The crib was full of dirt. Baby struggled to free itself from underneath, reaching and clawing, gasping for air. Embalmed bodies rose from their sarcophagi, lurching toward baby, for they were mummies.
42228 8 5 Spooked 6334 Kevin Nooo!
42229 8 5 Spooked 6334 Robert Amongst them was a man, tall, slim.
42230 8 5 Spooked 6334 Meredith Jim.
42231 8 5 Spooked 6334 Robert Almost instinctively, she turned to her husband. "Oh, wait," she thought, "I don't have a husband." For Lydia and her husband had had an argument, one they couldn't get past. Each night, they slept one inch farther apart, until one night, Lydia left. It was about this time she lost herself in imaginary worlds. She had quit the book club, the choir, citing something about their high expectations. Her lips slowly grew together from disuse. Everytime she wanted to act and didn't, another part of her face hardened, until it was stone. And that fevered night, she rushed to the nursery, threw open the door, "Baby, are you okay?" Baby sat up slowly, turned to mother and said, "I'm fine, b!tch, I'm fine."
42232 8 5 Spooked 6335 Robert Fear plays an interesting role in our lives. How dare we let it motivate us. How dare we let it into our decision making, into our livelihoods, into our relationships. It's funny, isn't it, we take a day a year to dress up in costume and celebrate fear.
42233 8 5 Spooked 6336 Bert Toby?
42234 8 5 Spooked 6336 Toby Oh, hey, Bert. Wanna see the dance? Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry...
42235 8 5 Spooked 6336 Bert You're fired.
42236 8 5 Spooked 6336 Toby ...bones. What?
42237 8 5 Spooked 6336 Bert You heard me. Pack your things.
42238 8 5 Spooked 6336 Toby What... you can't... Gabe? Are you...
42239 8 5 Spooked 6336 Bert I'm the CEO's son. Pack your things. You're done.
42240 8 6 Doomsday 6337 Andy Hey everybody it's closing time. You don't got to go home but you can't stay here.
42241 8 6 Doomsday 6337 Andy Closing time.
42242 8 6 Doomsday 6338 Andy Every office needs an end of the day tradition. Something to tell you the day is over. Otherwise, you go home and the night just feels like more day. It's weird.
42243 8 6 Doomsday 6339 Andy Closing time
42244 8 6 Doomsday 6339 Jim ...W R K.
42245 8 6 Doomsday 6339 Andy One last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey and beer.
42246 8 6 Doomsday 6339 Jim Uh no it's W R K, as in kitten. Oh my boss is singing Closing Time, maybe that's what you are hearing.
42247 8 6 Doomsday 6339 Andy Come on pam!
42248 8 6 Doomsday 6339 Andy, Pam Closing time, time for you to go home to the places you will be from.
42249 8 6 Doomsday 6340 Pam Let's see. Andy has been manager for a hundred and five days. Which means I've heard 'Closing Time' a hundred and five times. Still don't know the words. Tah wa Ta way hm hm home and home and home.
42250 8 6 Doomsday 6341 Andy I know who I want to take me home. I know who I want to take me home. I know who I want to take me home. Take me hooo...hooome! You know what fine! I try to start fun traditions for you guys, but if you don't want to sing... no traditions!
42251 8 6 Doomsday 6341 Stanley Closing time every new beginning...
42252 8 6 Doomsday 6342 Stanley I've never heard that song before. And once I heard it, I did not care for it, but that song means it's time to go home. Now...it's my favorite song.
42253 8 6 Doomsday 6343 Andy, Stanley Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end.
42254 8 6 Doomsday 6343 Stanley Goodnight.
42255 8 6 Doomsday 6344 Andy Whose your favorite iron chef?
42256 8 6 Doomsday 6344 Robert This is atrocious.
42257 8 6 Doomsday 6344 Andy You go first.
42258 8 6 Doomsday 6344 Robert The ticketing software paints a picture of a sloppy, careless, error prone office.
42259 8 6 Doomsday 6344 Andy Well the monitoring software is a double edged sword. Sometimes...
42260 8 6 Doomsday 6344 Dwight Sorry, go ahead.
42261 8 6 Doomsday 6344 Robert Did you need something from us?
42262 8 6 Doomsday 6344 Dwight Wha...Yes. Your attention. Uh because... No that is all.
42263 8 6 Doomsday 6345 Dwight Last night I dreamed that the number two was the most valued number in the world. The vice president had all the power. Athletes fought for silver medals. Women were considered the best gender. And stadiums of fans shouted "We're number two!'. As with all my dreams, I'm guessing it was about my fear of immigrants.
42264 8 6 Doomsday 6346 Robert Last week an accounting mistake resulted in a client getting their order for free.
42265 8 6 Doomsday 6346 Andy Umpf...that's not good. Chalk that one up to Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb out there.
42266 8 6 Doomsday 6346 Robert Who are they?
42267 8 6 Doomsday 6346 Andy They're both Kevin. Oscar is the s*x and the City gang and Angela, if you can picture...
42268 8 6 Doomsday 6346 Robert Andrew sometimes I feel like you don't know me at all.
42269 8 6 Doomsday 6346 Andy I would agree with that.
42270 8 6 Doomsday 6346 Robert Simply...end the mistakes
42271 8 6 Doomsday 6346 Andy End the mistakes, easy-
42272 8 6 Doomsday 6346 Robert When I come back next week and this report shows me no mistakes, we can talk about names, all day. Our favorite names, silly made up names, normal names said in a silly voice. Wouldn't that be nice?
42273 8 6 Doomsday 6346 Andy I would like that.
42274 8 6 Doomsday 6346 Robert End the mistakes. That is all I ask. And you can't have a favorite Iron Chef. It depends entirely on the secret ingredient. Sometimes I feel you don't know food at all.
42275 8 6 Doomsday 6347 Jim I'm just saying with the NBA lockout I think roller derby's in a really good place now. So...my pitch is...me, Pam, you and, someone else maybe Justine.
42276 8 6 Doomsday 6347 Darryl Nahh! No. Not Justine. Never Justine.
42277 8 6 Doomsday 6347 Jim Is that off again?
42278 8 6 Doomsday 6347 Darryl Oh yeah.
42279 8 6 Doomsday 6347 Jim Ok.
42280 8 6 Doomsday 6347 Val Hey, mandatory warehouse safety meeting. Today.
42281 8 6 Doomsday 6347 Darryl Ahh...We don't really do those. We just sign the thing.
42282 8 6 Doomsday 6347 Val Are you really this lazy?
42283 8 6 Doomsday 6347 Darryl I'll be there.
42284 8 6 Doomsday 6348 Gabe Hey.
42285 8 6 Doomsday 6348 Val Hey.
42286 8 6 Doomsday 6348 Gabe Monday's suck.
42287 8 6 Doomsday 6348 Val Yeaha...yup. Just trying to get in.
42288 8 6 Doomsday 6349 Dwight I may have a little solution to our mistakes problem. This is a project I've been working on for quite some time and today, might be the day to use it.
42289 8 6 Doomsday 6349 Andy What do you got?
42290 8 6 Doomsday 6349 Dwight Allow me. You're going to love this. Ugh...should've used a shorter string. Never mind, I know it by heart. It is a system that holds people accountable for everyone else's work.
42291 8 6 Doomsday 6349 Andy Sounds controversial.
42292 8 6 Doomsday 6349 Dwight Have I not been worthy of your trust? Have I not been a reliable number two?
42293 8 6 Doomsday 6349 Andy Do not go there! You're the deuce I never want to drop.
42294 8 6 Doomsday 6349 Dwight Well, I can make this work. I'll set it up right now. Just need your go ahead.
42295 8 6 Doomsday 6349 Andy Go do the voodoo that you do so well.
42296 8 6 Doomsday 6349 Dwight I will do my voodoo.
42297 8 6 Doomsday 6349 Andy Mmhmmm.
42298 8 6 Doomsday 6350 Gabe Hey. I need you to get the paperwork rolling on a new workplace relationship.
42299 8 6 Doomsday 6350 Toby For you?
42300 8 6 Doomsday 6350 Gabe Yes. For Gabe.
42301 8 6 Doomsday 6350 Toby Who are you seeing? That's gr...
42302 8 6 Doomsday 6350 Gabe Whom I'm seeing is Val from down in the warehouse.
42303 8 6 Doomsday 6350 Toby Oh.
42304 8 6 Doomsday 6350 Gabe I'm not technically seeing her, but uh I've seen her, with the eyes and uh there was attraction. In at least one direction. So..
42305 8 6 Doomsday 6350 Toby You know I don't have to do the paperwork unless you're actually dating.
42306 8 6 Doomsday 6350 Gabe Ok, but once this starts, it's going to be moving fast. It's going to be hot and heavy and I don't want a bunch of bureaucratic red tape wrapped around my jock. You know?
42307 8 6 Doomsday 6350 Toby But I mean...uh have you talked to her? Is sh...
42308 8 6 Doomsday 6350 Gabe Yeah we had a whole conversation about Mondays...
42309 8 6 Doomsday 6350 Toby Do you know her last name, yet?
42310 8 6 Doomsday 6350 Gabe Toby I'm going to tell you her last name tomorrow because she's going to be screaming it tonight.
42311 8 6 Doomsday 6350 Toby She's going to be screaming her own last name?
42312 8 6 Doomsday 6350 Gabe Hey! Watch it.
42313 8 6 Doomsday 6350 Toby Good luck Gabe.
42314 8 6 Doomsday 6351 Andy Hi guys. I just wanted to say that, you all have been doing amazing work., really.
42315 8 6 Doomsday 6351 Kevin Thank you.
42316 8 6 Doomsday 6351 Andy And I'd like to add that your work has been a little sloppy. So, Dwight and I have implemented a new program that we like to call...Dwight...
42317 8 6 Doomsday 6351 Dwight The accountability booster. It registers every time a mistake has been made in the office. From a late delivery to an accounting error. Five strikes in a day equals a home run. One home run and you're out.
42318 8 6 Doomsday 6351 Andy If we as a group make five mistakes in a day, something bad happens like we block Minesweeper.
42319 8 6 Doomsday 6351 Dwight Or in this case an email gets sent to Robert California containing the consultants report from last year. Remember the one that recommended the branch be shutdown? And as a fail-safe also every negative email you've ever written about him to the group will also be forwarded to him.
42320 8 6 Doomsday 6351 Kelly What emails are you talking about?
42321 8 6 Doomsday 6351 Dwight Robert's favorite songs: Creep by TLC, Creep by Radio Head. You remember that one Jim? There is no way he hasn't strangled at least one stripper. Oscar. He eats his yogurt like he is punishing it for disappointing him. Kelly.
42322 8 6 Doomsday 6351 Kelly That's not that bad actually.
42323 8 6 Doomsday 6351 Dwight P.S. We should should kill him.
42324 8 6 Doomsday 6351 Jim Wait, so you installed a doomsday device?
42325 8 6 Doomsday 6351 Dwight No, it's an accountability booster.
42326 8 6 Doomsday 6351 Jim Which when it goes off it destroys everything. Very similar to a doomsday device.
42327 8 6 Doomsday 6351 Dwight Jim, you're trying to make me sound like some kind of evil maniac. Now the point is that we are now working in an environment where we have accountability to each other. I am confident that you guys are equal to the task.
42328 8 6 Doomsday 6351 Kelly Um, no we're not and you are a psycho who is ruining our lives.
42329 8 6 Doomsday 6351 Ryan We can't do this Dwight.
42330 8 6 Doomsday 6351 Dwight Smile...nod. Smile and nod.
42331 8 6 Doomsday 6352 Dwight They are making me out to be a Bond villian. I like to think of myself as a brilliant scientist who will stop at nothing to remake the world. Like...not Doctor Moreau someone good. Doctor Frankenstein, Doctor Jekyll, not them. Doctor...
42332 8 6 Doomsday 6353 Andy Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean the thing about this office is, we make a lot of mistakes.
42333 8 6 Doomsday 6353 Dwight But the device will change that. Without a safety net, people will improve.
42334 8 6 Doomsday 6354 Andy Alright everybody, looks like we need to be getting to work. Be extra careful. Double check everything or the accountability booster will getcha.
42335 8 6 Doomsday 6354 Stanley This doomsdays device sounds like a scare tactic to me.
42336 8 6 Doomsday 6354 Oscar There's an easy way to tell if this device is a sham. We just make a mistake. I'll send an order down to shipping before we've received payment.
42337 8 6 Doomsday 6354 Dwight Oh, there's one mistake.
42338 8 6 Doomsday 6354 Erin Now we only have four strikes left until a home run.
42339 8 6 Doomsday 6354 Andy Dwight's our co-worker and he worked really hard on this doomsday device so I...
42340 8 6 Doomsday 6354 Dwight It's not a doomsday device, gosh. We can do this you guys.
42341 8 6 Doomsday 6355 Warehouse Crew First. Second.
42342 8 6 Doomsday 6355 Darryl It's not a race.
42343 8 6 Doomsday 6355 Warehouse Crew Thirrrr....third.
42344 8 6 Doomsday 6355 Darryl Who knows what the belt is for?
42345 8 6 Doomsday 6355 Gabe It's for protecting my ass. When you suckers lift more than you can handle. Sup, I'm Gabe. Corporate. Continue. Don't be nervous.
42346 8 6 Doomsday 6355 Darryl Apparently we have a visitor. Gabe, everyone.
42347 8 6 Doomsday 6355 Warehouse Crew Hi, gabe.
42348 8 6 Doomsday 6355 Darryl All right so the support belt. Now this one is mine. Doesn't get much use nowadays.
42349 8 6 Doomsday 6355 Gabe Look at this, this is enormous.
42350 8 6 Doomsday 6356 Gabe I get the sense that Val enjoys a good putdown. Considering that's the only thing I know about her. I will be milking that hard.
42351 8 6 Doomsday 6357 Gabe It's like a hula hoop. Right. Mele Kalikimaka is the wise way.
42352 8 6 Doomsday 6357 Darryl You done?
42353 8 6 Doomsday 6357 Gabe The Michelin man called, he wants his cummerbund back.
42354 8 6 Doomsday 6358 Phyllis Remember we have to give Rigo Escrow their refund by five.
42355 8 6 Doomsday 6358 Kevin I'm on it.
42356 8 6 Doomsday 6358 Angela Kevin, maybe I should handle that. We really need you to focus on your project.
42357 8 6 Doomsday 6358 Kevin Good thinking.
42358 8 6 Doomsday 6359 Kevin Apparently a big client for this company, needs to know the story of how paper gets made.
42359 8 6 Doomsday 6360 Angela Oscar, use a calculator.
42360 8 6 Doomsday 6361 Oscar When the stakes are this high, there is only one computer that I trust. And it's powered by thai food and spanish reds.
42361 8 6 Doomsday 6362 Andy Alright everybody, you are doing great!
42362 8 6 Doomsday 6362 Dwight Well, I wouldn't say that. Three mistakes already is pretty terrible, but I do see improvement. Meredith kept someone on hold for thirty minutes and now look she's hard at work.
42363 8 6 Doomsday 6362 Jim Dwight, question.
42364 8 6 Doomsday 6362 Dwight No questions.
42365 8 6 Doomsday 6362 Jim If this doomsday device goes off...
42366 8 6 Doomsday 6362 Dwight Accountability booster.
42367 8 6 Doomsday 6362 Jim If this bad idea goes off and we all lose our jobs. Are you going to feel good about that?
42368 8 6 Doomsday 6362 Dwight I haven't even considered it. That's how sure I am that this accountability booster is going to work.
42369 8 6 Doomsday 6363 Stanley Try mose1234.
42370 8 6 Doomsday 6363 Ryan Dwight would never be that obvious. Try something like...z64$8. Not that exactly Jim, something like that.
42371 8 6 Doomsday 6363 Jim Ok.
42372 8 6 Doomsday 6363 Dwight How about Scrantonstrangler666.
42373 8 6 Doomsday 6363 Jim Nope.
42374 8 6 Doomsday 6363 Dwight No. Oh shoot. Ha ha ha...You guys are never gonna shut down the machine, ok? But I appreciate your energy and your team work. If you applied this to your regular work, You won't even notice that the device is there, watching you ready to strike.
42375 8 6 Doomsday 6363 Kelly Wha...what's Dwight's mothers name.
42376 8 6 Doomsday 6363 Jim Hmm...Heda. No.
42377 8 6 Doomsday 6364 Darryl Once you read the packet, sign the back.
42378 8 6 Doomsday 6364 Gabe Hey Darryl, I was thinking, uh, maybe while we read through this, uh, you could grab us all some coffee. My treat. It's a hundred dollar bill. Should cover it I think. Don't bring me any of that caramel soy latte crap, ok? I want a decaf frappuccino. Val...
42379 8 6 Doomsday 6364 Darryl Actually, Val, why don't you come with? I'll need the extra hands to carry them back.
42380 8 6 Doomsday 6364 Val Yeah, sure.
42381 8 6 Doomsday 6364 Gabe Uh.
42382 8 6 Doomsday 6364 Darryl Mmhmm. Caramel soy latte.
42383 8 6 Doomsday 6364 Gabe Decaf frap-
42384 8 6 Doomsday 6364 Darryl Got it.
42385 8 6 Doomsday 6365 Angela You sent the late notice to Ryan Heart & Wolf. Right?
42386 8 6 Doomsday 6365 Oscar Mhm. Six-forty, six-twenty.
42387 8 6 Doomsday 6365 Angela Six-seventy, six-twenty.
42388 8 6 Doomsday 6365 Oscar Nuh uh.
42389 8 6 Doomsday 6365 Angela yes!
42390 8 6 Doomsday 6365 Oscar Five eighty-eight plus fifteen percent- Oh no.
42391 8 6 Doomsday 6365 Kevin What does this mean? What does it mean!
42392 8 6 Doomsday 6365 Oscar Andy.
42393 8 6 Doomsday 6365 Angela Ohhhh!
42394 8 6 Doomsday 6365 Andy Gahhh. That's five strikes.
42395 8 6 Doomsday 6365 Stanley Well...I was saving this for my retirement, which I guess is today.
42396 8 6 Doomsday 6365 Andy Dwight we got five strikes.
42397 8 6 Doomsday 6365 Dwight Really?
42398 8 6 Doomsday 6365 Andy Did the email go out or...
42399 8 6 Doomsday 6365 Dwight It goes out automatically at five P.M.
42400 8 6 Doomsday 6365 Andy Well, th- There's gotta be a way to stop it.
42401 8 6 Doomsday 6365 Dwight Well, I would have to enter my password in order to cancel it.
42402 8 6 Doomsday 6365 Andy Ok! Dwight you may now enter your password.
42403 8 6 Doomsday 6365 Dwight No.
42404 8 6 Doomsday 6365 Andy What?!
42405 8 6 Doomsday 6365 Dwight You don't deserve to have this branch. Five mistakes in less than a day.
42406 8 6 Doomsday 6365 Phyllis We did our best.
42407 8 6 Doomsday 6365 Dwight No you didn't, Phyllis. You complained the whole time. You yelled at me. You tried to break into the machine. What?!
42408 8 6 Doomsday 6365 Erin You're a real crumb bum, you know that?
42409 8 6 Doomsday 6365 Dwight Hey, you can't just change the rules because you don't like the outcome. What about you, Kevin? What about you and your fake task? Can you tell me now where paper comes from?
42410 8 6 Doomsday 6365 Kevin Uh, the man tree puts its penis-
42411 8 6 Doomsday 6365 Dwight Ha. Ok, alright. Andy back me up here, please.
42412 8 6 Doomsday 6365 Andy Nn no.
42413 8 6 Doomsday 6365 Dwight What?
42414 8 6 Doomsday 6365 Andy No!
42415 8 6 Doomsday 6365 Oscar Dwight be human for once. Shut down the machine.
42416 8 6 Doomsday 6365 Kelly Shut it down! Shut it down! Shut down the machine!!! Shut it down! Shut it down!
42417 8 6 Doomsday 6365 Dwight Good luck finding a new job idiots. I'll make sure to write you a glowing reference. Glowingly negative.
42418 8 6 Doomsday 6366 Erin Dwight's car is gone.
42419 8 6 Doomsday 6366 Pam I bet he went home.
42420 8 6 Doomsday 6366 Andy Some of us should go there and talk some sense into him. Get him to stop that email.
42421 8 6 Doomsday 6366 Andy Pam, you should come with me. Dwight really likes you and your breasts are enormous that could help us.
42422 8 6 Doomsday 6366 Kevin Yeah.
42423 8 6 Doomsday 6366 Andy Kevin has that lovability.
42424 8 6 Doomsday 6366 Kevin Guys come on. I'm right here.
42425 8 6 Doomsday 6366 Andy Jim, I want you to go find Robert just be where he is in case that email goes out at five. You can try to delete it or something.
42426 8 6 Doomsday 6366 Jim Ok, where is he?
42427 8 6 Doomsday 6366 Erin Uh, he's at some club where you either eat squash or play squash.
42428 8 6 Doomsday 6366 Jim I'll try both.
42429 8 6 Doomsday 6367 Dwight Oh. Come to reason with me?
42430 8 6 Doomsday 6367 Andy Gotcha something. And, uh, I just really want to talk to you-
42431 8 6 Doomsday 6367 Dwight Get lost.
42432 8 6 Doomsday 6367 Andy Well now hold on it, it-
42433 8 6 Doomsday 6367 Pam What are you doing?
42434 8 6 Doomsday 6367 Dwight What does it look like I'm doing? Digging a grave for a horse.
42435 8 6 Doomsday 6367 Pam Uhm.
42436 8 6 Doomsday 6367 Erin Do you need a hand?
42437 8 6 Doomsday 6367 Pam Yeah, do you need a hand?
42438 8 6 Doomsday 6367 Dwight If you hit another horse, you've dug to far.
42439 8 6 Doomsday 6368 Robert I'll see you next week Will.
42440 8 6 Doomsday 6368 Jim Robert.
42441 8 6 Doomsday 6368 Robert Jim what are you...What a surprise.
42442 8 6 Doomsday 6368 Jim Yeah, well, you know just had a meeting. Squash meeting.
42443 8 6 Doomsday 6368 Robert Yeah.
42444 8 6 Doomsday 6368 Jim You up for a game?
42445 8 6 Doomsday 6368 Robert A game or a match?
42446 8 6 Doomsday 6368 Jim Exactly. Here we go. Let's do it.
42447 8 6 Doomsday 6369 Pam Are you okay, Kevin?
42448 8 6 Doomsday 6369 Andy Where you going?
42449 8 6 Doomsday 6369 Dwight In. I'm hungry.
42450 8 6 Doomsday 6369 Pam Uh, could we come in too? Just for some water.
42451 8 6 Doomsday 6369 Dwight Okay. Take off your shoes. Except you Kevin, they stay on.
42452 8 6 Doomsday 6369 Pam Oh, wow. I forgot how pretty your house is.
42453 8 6 Doomsday 6369 Dwight This is the new addition, built my Erasmus Schrute in 1808. It doubled as a tuberculosis recovery room until 2009.
42454 8 6 Doomsday 6370 Val That's too much Doodle and not enough Lab.
42455 8 6 Doomsday 6370 Darryl Yeah, when are they gonna do a Labradoodle that's just Lab?
42456 8 6 Doomsday 6370 Val That's what I'm sayin'.
42457 8 6 Doomsday 6370 Gabe Hey. You're welcome.
42458 8 6 Doomsday 6370 Val Thanks for the coffee.
42459 8 6 Doomsday 6370 Gabe So, tonight I was thinking, I'm gonna go to the cemetery. I'm gonna drink a little wine and I thought maybe you'd like to come with me.
42460 8 6 Doomsday 6370 Val Are you asking me on a date?
42461 8 6 Doomsday 6370 Gabe Yes, I am.
42462 8 6 Doomsday 6370 Val Because I don't date coworkers. It's not personal, it's a matter of policy.
42463 8 6 Doomsday 6370 Gabe I could quit. Problem solved.
42464 8 6 Doomsday 6370 Val Don't quit.
42465 8 6 Doomsday 6371 Darryl Good policy. Sensible. Smart.
42466 8 6 Doomsday 6372 Jim Alright. Serving. Serving. Serving. Serving.
42467 8 6 Doomsday 6372 Robert In the box.
42468 8 6 Doomsday 6372 Jim In the box.
42469 8 6 Doomsday 6373 Oscar Why haven't we heard anything? It's 4:45. There's only 15 minutes left.
42470 8 6 Doomsday 6373 Angela Oh, now you can do math? Where were you 2 hours ago 'A Beautiful Mind'-
42471 8 6 Doomsday 6373 Oscar I made a mistake. I'm sorry.
42472 8 6 Doomsday 6373 Stanley I know how to save the company, everyone. Just write a petition, get everyones' signature, including our clients, march down to Florida, and shove it up your butt! Ha!
42473 8 6 Doomsday 6373 Oscar It's not that funny.
42474 8 6 Doomsday 6374 Erin Oh, Pam. You got something on your shirt.
42475 8 6 Doomsday 6374 Pam Oh, haha. Oh well. Pobody's nerfect, right?
42476 8 6 Doomsday 6374 Dwight Did you just have a stroke, Pam? It's "Nobody's perfect." Nice stroke, Pam.
42477 8 6 Doomsday 6374 Pam No. It's a jokey saying. Pobody's nerfect, like I can't even say those words right. Ha.
42478 8 6 Doomsday 6374 Dwight I hadn't heard that before, that's, that's funny.
42479 8 6 Doomsday 6374 Andy Dwight, there's just a small matter of a-
42480 8 6 Doomsday 6374 Pam You know what would go so great with this cabbage pie? Milk.
42481 8 6 Doomsday 6374 Dwight Any specific animal?
42482 8 6 Doomsday 6374 Pam I'm thinking cow-
42483 8 6 Doomsday 6374 Dwight Don't say cow- Ugh.
42484 8 6 Doomsday 6374 Andy What are you doing? It's 5 to 5.
42485 8 6 Doomsday 6374 Pam Just don't talk about the email, okay? He's gonna cancel it on his own, I really think he will.
42486 8 6 Doomsday 6374 Andy That's insane!
42487 8 6 Doomsday 6374 Pam Just trust me.
42488 8 6 Doomsday 6374 Andy Trust you, like I trusted Dwight this morning.
42489 8 6 Doomsday 6374 Pam I got this.
42490 8 6 Doomsday 6374 Andy Enngh-
42491 8 6 Doomsday 6375 Pam Hahhh, thanks for everything.
42492 8 6 Doomsday 6375 Dwight Sive drafely.
42493 8 6 Doomsday 6375 Kevin Isn't it supposed to be, "Drive safely"?
42494 8 6 Doomsday 6376 Jim Is that my phone?
42495 8 6 Doomsday 6376 Robert Sounded like mine.
42496 8 6 Doomsday 6376 Jim Nah, I think it's mine. Lemme just check real quick, here. Alright.
42497 8 6 Doomsday 6376 Robert Well, it's mine. You took it out of my bag.
42498 8 6 Doomsday 6376 Jim Oh, oh yeah.
42499 8 6 Doomsday 6376 Robert Can I have it?
42500 8 6 Doomsday 6376 Jim Yes. Right now? Yes.
42501 8 6 Doomsday 6376 Robert Yep.
42502 8 6 Doomsday 6376 Jim Here you go.
42503 8 6 Doomsday 6376 Robert Whoa, no, wait, wait, wait, whoa.
42504 8 6 Doomsday 6376 Robert ha, Jesus.
42505 8 6 Doomsday 6376 Jim Awww, sorry. Did it break?
42506 8 6 Doomsday 6376 Robert Nah, it's good.
42507 8 6 Doomsday 6376 Jim You sure?
42508 8 6 Doomsday 6376 Robert Yeah.
42509 8 6 Doomsday 6376 Jim What kinda iPhone is that?
42510 8 6 Doomsday 6376 Robert It's the standard one. The one everyone has.
42511 8 6 Doomsday 6376 Jim Oh yeah. I have the one that nobody has. Is there anything interesting?
42512 8 6 Doomsday 6376 Robert It depends Jim. Do you find one-day only Jet Blue sales to Buffalo interesting?
42513 8 6 Doomsday 6376 Jim Ha ha. No, I don't. No, I don't. Alright, well, I am sore and obviously horrible at this, so-
42514 8 6 Doomsday 6376 Robert My serve!
42515 8 6 Doomsday 6377 Pam Dwight stopped the device!
42516 8 6 Doomsday 6377 Andy Oh!
42517 8 6 Doomsday 6377 Kevin Yes!
42518 8 6 Doomsday 6377 Erin Haho!
42519 8 6 Doomsday 6378 Oscar He stopped it!
42520 8 6 Doomsday 6378 Ryan Oh! We still have our jobs.
42521 8 6 Doomsday 6379 Dwight They're not my favorite people in the world. I wouldn't even call them friends. They come over here, eat my pie, dig the crappiest horse grave you've ever seen. God, I'm gonna have to work with them forever, aren't I?
42522 8 6 Doomsday 6380 Robert Take it easy. Nice and easy.
42523 8 6 Doomsday 6380 Jim Ah! Classic, right?
42524 8 6 Doomsday 6380 Robert Oo!
42525 8 6 Doomsday 6380 Jim I'm alright.
42526 8 6 Doomsday 6380 Robert You alright?
42527 8 6 Doomsday 6380 Jim Yep.
42528 8 6 Doomsday 6380 Robert Skinned knee.
42529 8 6 Doomsday 6380 Jim Yep. Ah. Oh.
42530 8 6 Doomsday 6380 Robert Oo, a little ice on that maybe.
42531 8 6 Doomsday 6380 Jim Yeah. That does not feel good.
42532 8 6 Doomsday 6380 Robert Okay. My serve.
42533 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6381 Andy Erin.
42534 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6381 Erin Yeah.
42535 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6381 Andy In two minutes I want you to come into this meeting and tell me I have a really important phone call. I'm not going to take it because I want him to know how important the meeting is to me.
42536 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6381 Erin Who's calling?
42537 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6381 Andy Nobody. Just say that I'm- Just make it up that I have a phone call. And then I'm going to refuse to take it.
42538 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6381 Erin You're not going to take it?
42539 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6381 Andy Just make up a phone call. It's not a real call. Make it up.
42540 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6381 Erin Ohohohoh.
42541 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6381 Andy And come and tell me. Doesn't matter what it is.
42542 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6381 Erin You're not going to get it though?
42543 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6381 Andy I'm not going to take it. And then he's going to be like "whoa this is a really important meeting".
42544 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6381 Erin Copy that.
42545 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6381 Andy Okay.
42546 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6382 Andy Ok, so tell me exactly what kind of deal you are getting now and I'll tell you how we can beat it.
42547 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6382 Client Uh well we've been going with...
42548 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6382 Erin Andy.
42549 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6382 Andy Yeah.
42550 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6382 Erin You have a very important call.
42551 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6382 Andy I'm sorry ⓠI'm with a very important client. It'll have to wait.
42552 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6382 Erin Are you sure? It's really, really important.
42553 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6382 Andy There is nothing more important to me right now than this meeting.
42554 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6382 Erin Really? Because your mother is dead.
42555 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6382 Client Oh my God.
42556 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6382 Andy I don't think she's dead.
42557 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6382 Erin She's dead. She was hit by a bus.
42558 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6382 Andy She's not dead. This is exactly the kind of thing my mom pulls.
42559 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6382 Erin This isn't one of those times. It's the police. They said it's the worst they've ever seen.
42560 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6382 Dwight Andy I'm really sorry about your mother. My deepest condolences.
42561 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6382 Client Oh you must take this call. It's...
42562 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6382 Andy Yeah. Um line 1?
42563 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6382 Erin Line 2.
42564 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6382 Andy Hi.
42565 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6382 Darryl on phone]It's Darryl. Erin told me to pretend to be a cop and say your mom died.
42566 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6382 Andy Ooh, gosh!
42567 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6382 Darryl Dude.
42568 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6382 Andy Officer.
42569 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6382 Darryl Look man this is a bad idea.
42570 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6382 Andy Did she have any last words or?
42571 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6382 Darryl Really? That is messed up man.
42572 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6382 Andy Oh make sure that your client gets the best deal possible.
42573 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6382 Darryl You're a bad man Andy Bernard.
42574 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6382 Andy That is so mom.
42575 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6382 Darryl That stuff can come back to get you. It's called karma. You do not want to be messing around. I got an uncle...
42576 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6382 Andy Alright thank you officer. Erin please hold all my other calls. Where were we?
42577 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6383 Pam Hey Cathy.
42578 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6383 Cathy Hi.
42579 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6383 Pam How's it going? Everything make sense?
42580 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6383 Cathy I think everything is under control.
42581 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6383 Pam Great.
42582 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6383 Cathy You should sit down.
42583 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6383 Pam Oh no, I'm fine.
42584 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6383 Cathy No I should go fill out my paperwork.
42585 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6383 Pam Ok Oh that was just me. Pregnant Pam. And I make sounds much worse than this.
42586 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6383 Dwight Oh we know.
42587 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6384 Pam I'm training a temp to be my replacement while I'm on maternity leave. Oh I should've mentioned I'm pregnant. You probably didn't notice because it's impossible to tell I'm so small. But yeah I'm pregnant. Oh come on!
42588 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6385 Ryan Hey ⓠasking for a friend. Do you happen to know if that new girl is single?
42589 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6385 Jim Hmm. Doubt it.
42590 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6385 Ryan Yeah me too.
42591 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6385 Pam You doubt it?
42592 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6385 Jim What's that?
42593 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6385 Pam Why do you doubt that she's single?
42594 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6385 Jim Honestly I have no idea. I just figured we'd save her from Ryan right?
42595 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6386 Darryl What are you doing with my lunch?
42596 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6386 Andy I'm delivering it from the fridge. It's like a porno. Hey did anyone order a pizza?
42597 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6386 Darryl It's not pizza.
42598 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6386 Andy Yeah and we're not about to make love. I just thought maybe you'd want to eat lunch at your desk today so that during lunch we could go down to the warehouse and bang out a few tunes.
42599 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6386 Darryl I like the sound of that. Is Kevin in?
42600 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6386 Andy Uh you tell me
42601 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6387 Ryan So word on the street is she has a boyfriend.
42602 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6387 Gabe Well he's probably a drug dealer. That's the best way to land a hot girlfriend. You just uh get her hooked on blow.
42603 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6387 Toby It's going to be nice to have just a healthy, young, fit presence in the middle of the office.
42604 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6387 Oscar Yeah aesthetically speaking she adds a nice presence.
42605 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6387 Offscreen Good energy
42606 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6387 Pam It's going to be good to have someone hot at Pam's desk huh?
42607 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6387 Oscar No, no. Not even.
42608 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6387 Pam I'm kidding! Oh my gosh you guys! She's obviously super cute I get it. But I'd like to point out there's 50 pounds more of me to love if that's your thing.
42609 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6387 Oscar Pam you look more beautiful now than ever.
42610 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6387 Toby Radiant.
42611 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6387 Pam Thank you. Really you guys thank you. Very sweet.
42612 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6387 Phyllis Yeah you have this sexy glow.
42613 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6387 Gabe It's one of the most common fetishes.
42614 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6387 Pam Really well thank you all.
42615 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6387 Toby You know it's not just pregnant women who don't get their due. You know who's gorgeous? Helen Mirren.
42616 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6387 Ryan Yes! Have you seen her in a bikini? Amazing?
42617 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6387 Toby You know what would be the hottest thing ever? It's a pregnant Helen Mirren.
42618 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6387 Dwight Ok ok ok no no no. This is disgusting. You realize what you're saying? The hottest thing ever would be a 66 year old pregnant woman.
42619 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6387 Oscar In this case yes.
42620 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6387 Dwight No! There are universal biological standards of beauty and attraction. And you are purposefully celebrating the opposite of them to mollycoddle a pregnant woman.
42621 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6387 Phyllis No we're not.
42622 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6387 Dwight Yes you are. And another thing. Helen Mirren was born Helen Mironov. That's right. You're fake salivating over a Soviet era Russian.
42623 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6388 Andy Ske-be-do-bah-bap-bah-de, ske-be-de-bapa-de-bapa-boopa-dooten-bebe-daten-booray.
42624 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6388 Darryl Nice scatting, man.
42625 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6388 Andy Thank you. I think I said doop instead of boop at one point.
42626 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6388 Val Not bad fellas, you're better than you look.
42627 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6388 Kevin Hey, screw you!
42628 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6388 Andy Hey Robert, are we meeting early?
42629 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6388 Robert Just taking a stroll. What exactly have I stumbled upon here?
42630 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6388 Andy Well we're all musicians and we play together sometimes.
42631 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6388 Robert You're a band.
42632 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6388 Andy Thank you.
42633 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6388 Kevin We're called Kevin and the Zits.
42634 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6388 Darryl That was never agreed upon.
42635 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6388 Robert I miss being in a band.
42636 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6388 Andy Miss no more! What do you play? Join us!
42637 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6388 Kevin I have a tambourine.
42638 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6388 Robert Tambourine? You know I'm the CEO, right?
42639 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6388 Andy CEOs don't play tambourines. Tambourines are for girlfriends.
42640 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6388 Robert I play harmonica. I think I have one in the car.
42641 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6388 Andy Great!
42642 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6388 Kevin Nice guys, Robert is going to be a Zit!
42643 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6388 Darryl Again, never agreed upon.
42644 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6389 Andy I had totally given up on hanging out with Robert California and now he wants to be in our band! And when you're in a rock and roll band with somebody, you're bonded for life!
42645 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6389 Darryl Usually that life is short and tragic. That's okay, right?
42646 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6389 Andy Yeah, even cooler.
42647 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6389 Kevin We all got to go sometime.
42648 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6390 Pam Hey.
42649 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6390 Jim Hey.
42650 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6390 Pam Helen Mirren. Hot?
42651 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6390 Jim Yeah. Super pretty.
42652 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6390 Pam Huh. What about Cathy?
42653 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6390 Jim The temp?
42654 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6390 Pam Yeah. Do you think she's hot?
42655 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6390 Jim Nope.
42656 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6390 Pam I'm not asking if you're in to her. Just, objectively, do you find her attractive?
42657 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6390 Jim And I'm telling you, I don't.
42658 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6390 Pam You don't find Cathy attractive?
42659 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6390 Jim No, I don't.
42660 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6391 Jim No, I'm not going to tell my nine-months-pregnant wife that I find her replacement objectively attractive. Just like I'm not going to tell my two-year-old daughter that violent video games are objectively more fun. It's true, but it doesn't help anybody.
42661 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6392 Pam Look at her. Even I want some fries with that shake.
42662 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6392 Jim Okay. Uh, I don't. So are we good?
42663 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6392 Dwight That's just absurd.
42664 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6392 Pam Yes, because she's hot, right?
42665 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6392 Dwight Her breasts are large, her waist is small, her reproductive health in ample evidence. And facial symmetry- come on.
42666 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6393 Pam The thing about pregnancy is people treat you differently. Like you're a kid almost. They lose all sense of boundaries. They start acting weird, telling you things that clearly aren't true. I know it sounds nuts, but I think Dwight is the only one who's telling me the truth.
42667 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6394 Pam Dwight, am I hot right now?
42668 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6394 Dwight Why would I or anyone else think that you're hot right now? I can't impregnate you, and that's the driving force between male-female attraction.
42669 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6394 Pam What about before? Was I attractive before?
42670 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6394 Dwight Meh... you were at your most attractive when you were 24 with a slight, gradual decline and a steep drop-off when you got pregnant for the first time. Gradual recovery and, uh, well now, obviously, you're at an all-time low.
42671 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6394 Pam Hmm. I think Jim's lying to me about not being attracted to Cathy.
42672 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6394 Dwight You think Jim's lying? That's so cute. I know he's lying.
42673 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6394 Pam Five bucks if you can get him to admit it.
42674 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6394 Dwight Done. I never touch a pregnant woman.
42675 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6394 Pam Yep, that's the Dwight I need.
42676 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6394 Dwight If we're going to work together, we need some ground rules.
42677 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6394 Pam Okay.
42678 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6394 Dwight Rule one: our only loyalty is to the truth.
42679 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6394 Pam I think so. Okay.
42680 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6394 Dwight Rule two: we stop at nothing.
42681 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6394 Pam Well, what does that... is that... okay.
42682 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6394 Dwight Rule three: Don't fall in love.
42683 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6394 Pam Yep, good.
42684 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6395 Dwight We're gonna bust this guy.
42685 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6395 Pam Honesty is very important to me.
42686 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6395 Dwight So important. And then we will destroy the man himself.
42687 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6395 Pam Let's just see how we feel when we get there.
42688 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6396 Kelly Well, you came to the right person. You have to follow your intuition, Pam. You don't want to end up like Elin Nordegren. Actually, what am I saying, you wish you had her life- no offense, Pam.
42689 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6396 Dwight None taken. What do you got?
42690 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6396 Kelly It is called the matchmaker test, and it is very powerful. Basically we have Pam ask Jim which of his friends he would set up with Cathy. If Jim picks a really hot friend, then we know that he thinks that Cathy's hot.
42691 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6396 Pam Hmm.
42692 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6397 Robert Hey, you found us!
42693 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6397 Curtis You guys sound great, man.
42694 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6397 Robert Darryl, Andy, Kevin, this is Curtis Dorough, local musician and the officiate at my wedding.
42695 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6397 Darryl Local musician? Local legend! I used to come hear you play every week at the Deerhead.
42696 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6397 Kevin Dude, you're on TV! You're the sportscaster on channel seven.
42697 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6397 Drummer Go Eagles!
42698 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6397 Kevin You do that on TV!
42699 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6397 Robert You guys mind if they join us?
42700 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6397 Andy Yeah, absolutely!
42701 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6397 Kevin Guys, I've got some instruments right here.
42702 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6397 Darryl Hey, why don't you and me play those?
42703 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6397 Kevin Yeah? Okay, this is awesome.
42704 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6397 Robert What should we play?
42705 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6397 Kevin Maybe we should warm up with some scales?
42706 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6397 Robert Midnight Rambler?
42707 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6397 Curtis Yeah.
42708 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6397 Andy Midnight what?
42709 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6397 Curtis Have you heard about the midnight rambler? Hey, come on in, baby. Yeah!
42710 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6398 Pam Hey, I was talking to Cathy. Turns out she is single.
42711 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6398 Jim Oh, I stand corrected.
42712 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6398 Pam I thought it might be fun to set her up with someone. Any ideas?
42713 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6398 Jim Oh, you know who might be good? Mike Tibbets.
42714 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6398 Pam Mike Tibbets, really?
42715 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6398 Jim Mm-hmm.
42716 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6398 Ryan Hey, who's this Mike Tibbets guy? What kind of car does he drive?
42717 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6398 Jim Not his mom's car.
42718 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6398 Ryan Yeah, 'cause his mom's car's probably not a Nissan Z.
42719 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6398 Jim Touche?
42720 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6399 Kelly Eww!
42721 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6399 Pam Kelly, calm down.
42722 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6399 Kelly I mean, I guess he'd be okay with hair. Okay, you should see if he'll get hair plugs.
42723 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6399 Pam I don't think Jim cares about his hair.
42724 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6399 Kelly Yeah, but I do Pam, okay? It's called being a nice person.
42725 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6399 Dwight I don't see what's so ugly about him. He's got the broad face of a brewer.
42726 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6399 Pam Jim's on to me.
42727 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6399 Dwight Hmm?
42728 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6399 Pam Yeah, Jim barely talks to Mike. We had to go through like two levels of friends to even find his profile. Jim picked someone just unattractive enough to shut me up without tipping it.
42729 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6399 Dwight Just ugly enough to have deniability.
42730 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6399 Pam Yep.
42731 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6400 Jim Mike Tibbets is like the most boring-looking guy I know. So if that was for the matchmaker test, I think I'm in the clear. If that wasn't for the matchmaker test, then... Cathy, he's a really nice guy.
42732 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6401 Dwight Well, Jim may be lying with his words, but he can't lie with his body.
42733 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6401 Kelly I'm gonna write something mean on his wall.
42734 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6401 Pam No, Kelly, don't.
42735 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6401 Dwight The male reveals attraction through unconscious and involuntary physical signs. The puffing of the chest, mirroring, increased blood flow to the crotch. I say we start there.
42736 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6401 Pam, Kelly With the crotch?
42737 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6401 Dwight With the crotch.
42738 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6402 Kevin Whoo!
42739 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6403 Dwight Psst. We're not here.
42740 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6403 Creed Who said that?
42741 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6403 Dwight Exactly.
42742 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6403 Creed How'd I get this long triangle?
42743 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6403 Dwight Okay, just shut it.
42744 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6403 Pam Is he puffing out his chest?
42745 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6403 Dwight I can't tell. It's unnaturally sunken. Busted. He just was mirroring. Did you see that?
42746 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6403 Pam No. Maybe he just said something funny.
42747 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6403 Dwight Jim has no discernible sense of humor, Pam. You should know that.
42748 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6403 Pam I think he's just making her laugh.
42749 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6403 Dwight Time for me to find out.
42750 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6403 Pam Why's he making her laugh so much?
42751 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6403 Dwight Just going to walk over here- whoa, whoa, I'm slipping and falling! Oh, stumbling, I need something to grab on to!
42752 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6403 Jim Dwight!
42753 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6403 Cathy Are you okay?
42754 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6403 Dwight I'm fine, I'm totally fine.
42755 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6403 Jim Dwight! Dwight!
42756 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6403 Dwight Yes? Wha- Jim.
42757 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6403 Jim Sorry about that.
42758 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6403 Dwight Aw, cramp, I'm just-
42759 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6403 Jim Dwight! Why?
42760 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6403 Dwight I'm sorry, I fell down, Mr. Balance.
42761 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6403 Jim Leave.
42762 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6403 Dwight Does your husband have very soft erections? Because if not, I just grabbed a very soft pen1s for nothing.
42763 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6404 Pam Why was he making her laugh so much?
42764 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6405 Pam Oh, hey, I'll just be a second.
42765 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6405 Cathy Yeah, take your time.
42766 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6405 Pam Okay.
42767 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6405 Cathy Oh, that line from Zoolander?
42768 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6405 Jim Mm-hmm?
42769 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6405 Cathy It was from a deleted scene so we were both right.
42770 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6405 Jim Told you.
42771 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6405 Cathy Um, do I hand in my expense reports to a particular accountant or-
42772 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6405 Pam Oscar, Cathy has a question!
42773 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6405 Cathy Sorry, um, I'll just go ask Oscar.
42774 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6405 Pam Yeah?
42775 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6405 Jim You okay?
42776 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6405 Pam Why won't you just admit that she's attractive? It's kind of annoying that you won't say it.
42777 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6405 Jim Okay, what can I do to make you believe me?
42778 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6405 Pam Well, Dwight had this idea, and I thought it was kind of crazy. But maybe that's where we are now.
42779 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6406 Dwight She called it crazy? Aw, man, that's insulting. All I did was propose a makeshift lie-detector test. Monitoring his blood pressure, pulse, perspiration, and breathing rate.
42780 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6407 Pam Yeah, its nuts. But I don't know what else to do.
42781 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6408 Dwight And she called it nuts?
42782 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6409 Darryl Seriously, that was hot. Feel like you and the newsman had a groove going.
42783 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6409 Kevin Mm-hmm.
42784 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6409 Andy Did you know that Lisa toured with Chaka Khan?
42785 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6409 Kevin Are you serious? From Star Trek?
42786 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6409 Darryl Hey, you caught some of that?
42787 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6409 Val I caught it.
42788 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6409 Darryl What, you don't like the blues?
42789 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6409 Val I might enjoy seeing you guys play the blues.
42790 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6409 Andy Well, we are playing. We're all playing together. These are our jam buddies. It's a jam session. We go where the music takes us.
42791 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6409 Val I think the music left without you.
42792 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6410 Dwight Come on.
42793 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6410 Jim Stop shoving me.
42794 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6410 Dwight Stop shoving me. Stop grabbing my pen1s. Grow up. Take off your jacket and take a seat. When it lies, the human body exhibits many telltale signs.
42795 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6410 Jim Really?
42796 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6410 Pam This could all go away if you just tell me the truth.
42797 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6410 Old Man Uh, are you all in line?
42798 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6410 Dwight Why don't you go check out the sympathy cards, old man? Now I'm going to ask you just a few simple questions. Wait for this to constrict. Here we go. Is your name Jim Halpert?
42799 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6410 Jim Si.
42800 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6410 Pam Wait, that's it? That's the question you're going to ask him?
42801 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6410 Dwight We have to start with a baseline question to establish what the truth is.
42802 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6410 Old Man You have to share the machine with others.
42803 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6410 Dwight Well, that's what they taught me in my 19th century kindergarten.
42804 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6410 Jim Okay, Dwight, come on. You can go first.
42805 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6410 Old Man Thank you.
42806 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6410 Dwight Jim, are you serious?
42807 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6410 Jim Oh, you know what? This reminds me, Cece needs a new toothbrush.
42808 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6411 Andy Maybe we could switch instruments.
42809 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6411 Kevin Yeah.
42810 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6411 Andy 'Cause, uh, my body's starting to get bruised.
42811 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6411 Darryl Yeah, maybe everyone move one instrument to the right?
42812 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6412 Andy We had to leave because of creative differences.
42813 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6412 Darryl Yeah they kind of had a specific sound that didn't really fit in with our thing.
42814 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6412 Kevin Guys, this means they're Kevin and the Zits now.
42815 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6412 Darryl No man, we are.
42816 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6412 Andy Well-
42817 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6412 Darryl No, no, no.
42818 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6413 Dwight Okay, you're done.
42819 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6413 Old Man I have a new heart, you know.
42820 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6413 Dwight Do you really, Tin Man? Okay, where were we?
42821 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6414 Jim No, I'm not worried. Because this lie isn't for me, it's for Pam. And when she gets her body back and her confidence back... yes, I will tell her the truth. That I had feelings for a co-worker today that I haven't had in years. But in my defense, he was grabbing my crotch fairly aggressively at the time.
42822 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6415 Dwight Do you find Cathy Simms attractive?
42823 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6415 Jim No.
42824 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6415 Dwight Yep, he's lying.
42825 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6415 Pam Ah, see, was that so hard?
42826 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6415 Jim I am not lying.
42827 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6415 Pam Really?
42828 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6415 Jim Pam, are you really gonna listen to his stupid homemade test?
42829 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6415 Dwight I would listen to my homemade test, because your husband is definitely lying. In fact, he's lied about every question. Even his name. Who are you really?
42830 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6415 Pam Wait, what?
42831 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6415 Dwight Look at the numbers. Every single time, it's come up 150 over 100. Your husband is a pathological liar.
42832 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6415 Pam Jim, you have high blood pressure.
42833 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6415 Dwight Oh, he is definitely attracted to her.
42834 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6415 Pam Doesn't your dad have high blood pressure?
42835 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6415 Jim Yeah, but I don't smoke.
42836 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6415 Pam When was the last time you went to the doctor?
42837 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6415 Jim I don't know.
42838 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6415 Dwight It's important to go every month and get your prostate checked. You can do it at home by yourself with your finger. You just stick it-
42839 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6415 Pam Dwight, stop. I'm not kidding, I mean, I need you to take care of yourself. What would we do if something happened to you?
42840 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6415 Jim Okay, easy. Trust me, I'm around for the long-haul.
42841 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6415 Dwight It's not really your choice, is it? Death waits for no man.
42842 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6415 Jim Okay.
42843 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6415 Pam Come on, let's go. I wanna call your doctor.
42844 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6415 Dwight Doesn't it worry you in the slightest that Jim is not his real name?
42845 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6415 Pam Just go home. It doesn't matter.
42846 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6415 Dwight But... hey, Cece's toothbrush.
42847 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6415 Jim Thank you.
42848 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6416 Andy, Darryl Oh baby I love your way.
42849 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6416 Darryl Every day.
42850 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6416 Andy, Darryl Wanna be with you night and day.
42851 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6416 Darryl, Kevin And day.
42852 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6416 Andy, Darryl Oh baby I love your way.
42853 8 7 Pam's Replacement 6416 Andy Rudit-do-do-do-di-do.
42854 8 8 Gettysburg 6417 Gabe The Sabre Code of Conduct outlines the governing principles key to establishing and maintaining trust with our employees, clients-
42855 8 8 Gettysburg 6417 Kelly Oh my God, kill me!
42856 8 8 Gettysburg 6417 Andy Hey! All right, obviously we all want to die but we have to get through this. So, Gabe go ahead. It's okay.
42857 8 8 Gettysburg 6417 Gabe Oh, is it okay with you? Because if it's not, you work for me, so... Comply with all applicable laws, regulations, policies and contracts governing our business. Be honest, fair-
42858 8 8 Gettysburg 6417 Pam I'm gonna do it.
42859 8 8 Gettysburg 6417 Gabe And trustworthy in all your business activities and relationships. Treat one another-
42860 8 8 Gettysburg 6417 Pam Oh! I'm going into labor! Oh my goodness!
42861 8 8 Gettysburg 6417 Jim Oh okay, she's going into labor. Make way, everybody!
42862 8 8 Gettysburg 6418 Pam I know it's wrong to fake going into labor just to get out of things, but sometimes it's necessary.
42863 8 8 Gettysburg 6419 Pam : I'm going into labor!
42864 8 8 Gettysburg 6420 Phyllis Or should I have corndogs. I mean-
42865 8 8 Gettysburg 6420 Pam I'm going into labor!
42866 8 8 Gettysburg 6421 Ryan Okay, three reasons you are wrong about True Blood. Number one-
42867 8 8 Gettysburg 6421 Pam I'm going into labor.
42868 8 8 Gettysburg 6422 Pam Here we go!
42869 8 8 Gettysburg 6422 Andy Hey guys, uh, can't keep saying you're going into labor. Everyone knows you're full of it.
42870 8 8 Gettysburg 6422 Kelly Yeah.
42871 8 8 Gettysburg 6422 Oscar It's not fair, you guys.
42872 8 8 Gettysburg 6422 Kelly Pitiful.
42873 8 8 Gettysburg 6422 Meredith It's stupid.
42874 8 8 Gettysburg 6422 Andy Never cry wolf.
42875 8 8 Gettysburg 6422 Jim Okay.
42876 8 8 Gettysburg 6422 Pam Okay.
42877 8 8 Gettysburg 6422 Erin Oh.
42878 8 8 Gettysburg 6422 Pam Oh! Oh!
42879 8 8 Gettysburg 6422 Everyone Oh! Oh my goodness!
42880 8 8 Gettysburg 6422 Jim Oh my God!
42881 8 8 Gettysburg 6422 Pam I'm really in labor! This is happening!
42882 8 8 Gettysburg 6422 Jim Okay guys, here we go! We'll see you!
42883 8 8 Gettysburg 6422 Pam Oh!
42884 8 8 Gettysburg 6422 Jim How do you feel?
42885 8 8 Gettysburg 6422 Erin Drive carefully!
42886 8 8 Gettysburg 6422 Oscar Good luck!
42887 8 8 Gettysburg 6422 Everyone Goodbye! Good luck!
42888 8 8 Gettysburg 6422 Pam False alarm.
42889 8 8 Gettysburg 6423 Andy What?! They took another client from us? Okay, bye. Man! Business is war! Customers, clients- it's like a war out there.
42890 8 8 Gettysburg 6424 Andy I am a leader. But you can only inspire people so much in a place like this. So today I'm turning the inspire-factor up to ten with a little help from my friend America's bloodiest battle.
42891 8 8 Gettysburg 6425 Andy Why even read business books? We should be studying war. Going to places like Gettysburg. Where is that?
42892 8 8 Gettysburg 6425 Erin It's right here in PA.
42893 8 8 Gettysburg 6425 Andy Well we should take a fieldtrip there. I mean, that would be so cool. I wonder if that bus downstairs is-
42894 8 8 Gettysburg 6425 Angela Okay, Andy, we get it. It's a trip to Gettysburg.
42895 8 8 Gettysburg 6425 Andy That sounds super inspiring! I'm in!
42896 8 8 Gettysburg 6425 Dwight Gettysburg? Hmm. Could be interesting. Second-most northern battle in the Civil War.
42897 8 8 Gettysburg 6425 Oscar Actually it is the northernmost.
42898 8 8 Gettysburg 6425 Dwight Ha!
42899 8 8 Gettysburg 6426 Dwight The Civil War history industry has conveniently forgotten about the battle of Schrute Farms. Whatever. I'm over it. It's just grossly irresponsible.
42900 8 8 Gettysburg 6427 Andy Charge!
42901 8 8 Gettysburg 6427 Phyllis Well, this could be fun. I-
42902 8 8 Gettysburg 6427 Andy Yeah, well, the bus has free wifi and I made special low-sugar lunches for everyone. And is anyone kosher or halal?
42903 8 8 Gettysburg 6427 Ryan What's the halal option?
42904 8 8 Gettysburg 6427 Andy Dates, tabbouleh, and a bagel with cream cheese.
42905 8 8 Gettysburg 6427 Ryan Out.
42906 8 8 Gettysburg 6427 Andy You know, it's the same as the kosher option. There's a lesson in there. I mean, I can't force you to go. You're not my slaves. Thanks to Gettysburg. But... who's coming with me?
42907 8 8 Gettysburg 6427 Erin I'm in.
42908 8 8 Gettysburg 6427 Phyllis I'm in too.
42909 8 8 Gettysburg 6427 Dwight Guess I'm a sucker for historical fiction.
42910 8 8 Gettysburg 6427 Andy Anyone who's not going, you're dead to me. You're uninvited. I don't want you to come. But, FYI, there will be leftover turkey and pesto sammies in the fridge.
42911 8 8 Gettysburg 6427 Kevin Yes!
42912 8 8 Gettysburg 6428 Andy One for you.
42913 8 8 Gettysburg 6428 Erin Cool. Thanks.
42914 8 8 Gettysburg 6428 Andy And one for you.
42915 8 8 Gettysburg 6428 Jim Cool. Thanks.
42916 8 8 Gettysburg 6428 Andy And- oh. You missed your head. There you go. Phyllis, think fast!
42917 8 8 Gettysburg 6429 Andy All right, guys, a little foreplay before we do it. Fans of Ken Burns' Jazz will most certainly enjoy Civil War.
42918 8 8 Gettysburg 6429 Darryl You know, I just got Limitless on my iPad. I bet I could get it on the TV.
42919 8 8 Gettysburg 6429 Phyllis Ooh. Isn't that the one where the guy becomes limitless?
42920 8 8 Gettysburg 6429 Andy It's just not appropri- I mean, if we were going to visit Bradley Cooper's birthplace, I'd be the first one suggesting it. I'd be rooting for it.
42921 8 8 Gettysburg 6429 Everyone Limitless! Limitless! Limitless! Limitless!
42922 8 8 Gettysburg 6429 Andy All right, all right, all right.
42923 8 8 Gettysburg 6430 Kevin Not food and stuff.
42924 8 8 Gettysburg 6430 Pam Here. Like it?
42925 8 8 Gettysburg 6430 Kevin Oh, if you buy the picnic table then you've got to get the fire pit.
42926 8 8 Gettysburg 6430 Pam I can't get a fire pit. I have two babies.
42927 8 8 Gettysburg 6430 Kevin The fire pit is a no-brainer.
42928 8 8 Gettysburg 6430 Robert Oh, hi there.
42929 8 8 Gettysburg 6430 Pam Plants and- hi, Robert! Hey, um, how are you doing? Good to see you again.
42930 8 8 Gettysburg 6430 Robert Where is everyone? Where is Andy?
42931 8 8 Gettysburg 6430 Kelly Andy took some of the other people on a corporate retreat to Gettysburg.
42932 8 8 Gettysburg 6430 Robert Well, I was hoping to talk out some ideas with Andy. But what we have here... is perhaps better. By not going on the trip, you've shown you're the free-thinkers of the office.
42933 8 8 Gettysburg 6430 Ryan Robert, you got your sheep and you got your black sheep, and I'm not even a sheep. I'm on the freaking moon.
42934 8 8 Gettysburg 6430 Robert So, here what we can do. Game changers- changes to the game such that the game can never be played the same way again. Everyone, brainstorm some innovations. Don't be afraid to get weird with it. Meredith! Excited!
42935 8 8 Gettysburg 6431 Kevin Okay.
42936 8 8 Gettysburg 6432 Andy You guys...
42937 8 8 Gettysburg 6432 Darryl J-j-j-ju...
42938 8 8 Gettysburg 6432 Andy Get excited!
42939 8 8 Gettysburg 6432 Darryl Shh! Movie's almost over.
42940 8 8 Gettysburg 6432 Andy All right! We're here. Limitless can wait.
42941 8 8 Gettysburg 6432 Gabe Fun fact. In France, they call Limitless 'The Man with Many Capabilities.'
42942 8 8 Gettysburg 6432 Andy Woo-hoo! Ladies and gentlemen the eighteen hundreds await you. We can watch Limitless on the way back.
42943 8 8 Gettysburg 6432 Darryl I got Source Code on the way back.
42944 8 8 Gettysburg 6432 Everyone Ooh! All right!
42945 8 8 Gettysburg 6432 Andy Woo!
42946 8 8 Gettysburg 6432 Andy Whoa, where you going?
42947 8 8 Gettysburg 6432 Jim Visitor center. Gonna grab a map for the memorials, right?
42948 8 8 Gettysburg 6432 Andy Yeah, we're not going to the visitor center. We're not tourists.
42949 8 8 Gettysburg 6432 Jim No, of course we're not tourists. We're just people that aren't from here who are taking a tour.
42950 8 8 Gettysburg 6432 Phyllis Yeah, sign says "Begin tour here."
42951 8 8 Gettysburg 6432 Andy Unless you're going on the very specially-created and meticulously-researched Andy Bernard tour.
42952 8 8 Gettysburg 6433 Andy After Chancellorsville, Lee brought his army up the Shenandoah Valley, right through here! They stopped in this field for a picnic, which they called lunch.
42953 8 8 Gettysburg 6433 Erin Yeah, but I'm confused...
42954 8 8 Gettysburg 6433 Dwight Total deaths belongs to Gettysburg but when you're talking about D.P.A., that's deaths per acre...
42955 8 8 Gettysburg 6433 Erin Mm-hmm.
42956 8 8 Gettysburg 6433 Dwight ...nothing beats the battle of Schrute Farms.
42957 8 8 Gettysburg 6433 Erin Oh. D.P.A. sounds way more important that total deaths.
42958 8 8 Gettysburg 6433 Dwight Oh, it is. And you should read some of these letters that the soldiers wrote home. I mean, it makes the battle of Gettysburg sound like a bunch of schoolgirls wrestling over a hairbrush. I'm telling you, they're heartbreaking too. So beautifully written.
42959 8 8 Gettysburg 6433 Oscar Dwight, what are you telling this girl?
42960 8 8 Gettysburg 6433 Dwight The truth.
42961 8 8 Gettysburg 6433 Oscar Stop filling her head with nonsense, okay? She doesn't know any better.
42962 8 8 Gettysburg 6433 Erin Oscar, I am so glad you just got here. I would've believed everything he said.
42963 8 8 Gettysburg 6433 Dwight No, no, no! You're filling her head with nonsense. You and the history books. I'm telling the truth.
42964 8 8 Gettysburg 6433 Erin Interesting.
42965 8 8 Gettysburg 6433 Dwight Yes, thank you. All of history has been whitewashed.
42966 8 8 Gettysburg 6433 Oscar Really? Why don't you tell us the real history, Gore Vidal?
42967 8 8 Gettysburg 6433 Dwight Okay, I will. I don't know who that is, but I'm gonna tell you this-
42968 8 8 Gettysburg 6433 Oscar he's a historian.
42969 8 8 Gettysburg 6433 Dwight Gettysburg was very important. Credit where credit is due, okay? Big, mad props to Gettysburg. Was it, however, the most northern battle of the civil war?
42970 8 8 Gettysburg 6433 Oscar Yes, yes, yes!
42971 8 8 Gettysburg 6433 Dwight Not by a long shot!
42972 8 8 Gettysburg 6433 Erin No!
42973 8 8 Gettysburg 6433 Oscar Yes!
42974 8 8 Gettysburg 6433 Dwight No, it was not!
42975 8 8 Gettysburg 6433 Oscar Argh!
42976 8 8 Gettysburg 6433 Dwight No, it was not. Was it the second-most northern?
42977 8 8 Gettysburg 6433 Oscar What?
42978 8 8 Gettysburg 6433 Dwight Sure! I will cede it was the second-most northernmost battle!
42979 8 8 Gettysburg 6433 Oscar Erin-
42980 8 8 Gettysburg 6433 Dwight Was it the northernmost? No. Get out of here, Oscar.
42981 8 8 Gettysburg 6433 Erin Get out of here!
42982 8 8 Gettysburg 6434 Robert I am so eager to hear your game-changers. Let's dig in, shall we?
42983 8 8 Gettysburg 6434 Ryan May I go first?
42984 8 8 Gettysburg 6434 Robert Absolutely.
42985 8 8 Gettysburg 6434 Ryan Raw fish- the disgusting food from Japan that Americans would never want to eat. Now, we can't get enough of it. From movie stars to construction workers, sushi is what's for dinner. Let me throw another idea at you. Origami. What? The crazy art of paper folding from, that's right, Japan. Don't you wish you could go back to 1980 and open the first sushi restaurant in Manhattan? We can do that! With... origami. It's the sushi of paper.
42986 8 8 Gettysburg 6434 Robert This idea hasn't gripped me. What else did you come up with?
42987 8 8 Gettysburg 6434 Ryan Well I had to memorize the presentation, Robert, and it took a long time to build the swan, so-
42988 8 8 Gettysburg 6434 Robert That was bad.
42989 8 8 Gettysburg 6435 Stanley If your woman is like mine, I bet you come home to hear the same thing all the time. This paper is so hard. It scratches. Why can't there be a paper just for me? Well now there is. 'Papyr.' Paper for women. It's pink, scented and silky soft. Now, you can watch the game and she can write a letter to her sister.
42990 8 8 Gettysburg 6435 Robert The situation you described, returning home to a wife complaining about her paper being too masculine, is not one I'm familiar with.
42991 8 8 Gettysburg 6435 Stanley In the African-American community-
42992 8 8 Gettysburg 6435 Robert No.
42993 8 8 Gettysburg 6435 Stanley Thought it was worth a try.
42994 8 8 Gettysburg 6436 Darryl That's fascinating. Tell me, what's the significance of the peach orchard, thought?
42995 8 8 Gettysburg 6436 Park Ranger Oh, well, that's a great question. Actually some of the most-
42996 8 8 Gettysburg 6436 Dwight Excuse me, I got a question for you.
42997 8 8 Gettysburg 6436 Park Ranger Sure.
42998 8 8 Gettysburg 6436 Dwight Can you tell us about the battle of Schrute Farms?
42999 8 8 Gettysburg 6436 Park Ranger Uh, I haven't heard of that one.
43000 8 8 Gettysburg 6436 Dwight Really. Okay, follow-up question. How much are they paying you to keep your mouth shut?
43001 8 8 Gettysburg 6436 Oscar I apologize for my friend and for the Republicans who are cutting your funding.
43002 8 8 Gettysburg 6436 Andy We don't need to bother this poor gentleman. I know exactly where we're going. Giddy up! Tallyho!
43003 8 8 Gettysburg 6436 Chelsea Are you Lincoln?
43004 8 8 Gettysburg 6436 Gabe No, no, I'm-
43005 8 8 Gettysburg 6437 Gabe Apparently, I bear a passing resemblance to Abraham Lincoln. Makes it kind of hard for me to go to places like museums, historical monuments, elementary schools... I don't see it.
43006 8 8 Gettysburg 6437 Chelsea's Mom Chelsea, give Mr. Lincoln your hat so I can take a picture.
43007 8 8 Gettysburg 6437 Gabe Okay, Quick.
43008 8 8 Gettysburg 6437 Man Hey! Lincoln's starting.
43009 8 8 Gettysburg 6437 Gabe Oh, uh, no. No, no, no, no. I'm, uh, I'm actually with a tour group myself, so- Hello! I'm Abraham Lincoln! Some people call me the great emancipator, but, uh, you might know me from the penny.
43010 8 8 Gettysburg 6438 Pam Okay. You know the test booklets that they give out in all the schools. I was thinking that we could put a coupon in the back that people would mail in to us... and as, you know, as I tell it, I don't like it. Unless, of course, you are responding to it.
43011 8 8 Gettysburg 6438 Robert I am not.
43012 8 8 Gettysburg 6438 Pam Um, excuse me. I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
43013 8 8 Gettysburg 6439 Pam At this point, when you're this pregnant, it's kind of like senior spring. The other day I spit my gum out on the carpet.
43014 8 8 Gettysburg 6440 Robert Kevin, you've been quiet. I'm curious to know what your game-changer is.
43015 8 8 Gettysburg 6440 Kevin Well, you know how in the vending machine they have the chocolate chip cookies in the A-1 spot? They do that 'cause they think A-1's the best spot for the best cookie. But the real best spot is D-4. Right? That's where the eyes go. So...
43016 8 8 Gettysburg 6440 Robert Cookies. Cookie placement.
43017 8 8 Gettysburg 6440 Kevin Yeah. But not just the cookies, though. That was just a 'for instance.'
43018 8 8 Gettysburg 6440 Robert Who else agrees with Kevin, that we're wasting facilities, manpower, on our underselling products when we should be pushing our top-performers? There you go. Consensus.
43019 8 8 Gettysburg 6441 Ryan Okay, we are now on a planet where Kevin is the most creative person around, and I am just some good-looking guy.
43020 8 8 Gettysburg 6442 Gabe I just don't understand. It's 1865, victory is ours, I've saved the very soul of our nation, and yet... happiness eludes me. Oh, perhaps a trip to the theater will enliven my spirits.
43021 8 8 Gettysburg 6442 Audience No!
43022 8 8 Gettysburg 6443 Kevin 'Kay, so another thing about oatmeal cookies. Who even wants them? I mean, I've seen Toby eat one, like, once, but other than that... like, forget it.
43023 8 8 Gettysburg 6443 Robert Interesting. So what is Dunder Mifflin's oatmeal cookie? What is the product that no one wants?
43024 8 8 Gettysburg 6443 Stanley how about that two-hole-punch letter? Only the lawyers want that punch at the top and they use legal.
43025 8 8 Gettysburg 6443 Robert That's the oatmeal cookie. Fantastic, Kevin. Fantastic.
43026 8 8 Gettysburg 6443 Kevin Thank you.
43027 8 8 Gettysburg 6444 Jim By the way, did we leave all the food on the bus?
43028 8 8 Gettysburg 6444 Andy Let's talk about food for a second. Food for thought.
43029 8 8 Gettysburg 6444 Jim Yeah, that's what I had for breakfast and I think that's probably why I'm still hungry.
43030 8 8 Gettysburg 6444 Andy Hunger! Hunger for victory! Hunger for honor. Hunger for pride.
43031 8 8 Gettysburg 6444 Darryl Hunger for hamburger.
43032 8 8 Gettysburg 6444 Erin Hunger for chicken chimichangas. Right, Darryl?
43033 8 8 Gettysburg 6444 Darryl That's good.
43034 8 8 Gettysburg 6444 Andy Exactly. Now do you know the Civil War soldiers were hungry for? Pride! Now, each battalion had its own flag and they guarded these flags with their lives. Colonel Harrison Jeffords of the Fourth Michigan Infantry saw his flag being carried away, chased it down with nothing but a sword. Fought tooth and nail at the foot of that flag until he died. He wasn't about to let them have that flag. Pride. Right, guys? I commissioned this flag for Dunder Mifflin. Cost me two hundred dollars.
43035 8 8 Gettysburg 6444 Jim Only two hundred dollars?
43036 8 8 Gettysburg 6444 Andy We are all branches on this tree. And from the tree comes paper. We're all part of a business. But business is war. What's that I hear? Uh, a rebel paper company is coming to take our flag! Wha- what's going on here? Wee-hoo! Come and get it! Who's gonna get the flag? Who's getting it? Whoa! Hey! Ho! Don't look where I am, look where I'm going. Juke right, juke left.
43037 8 8 Gettysburg 6444 Darryl Andy, this is inappropriate. People died here, man.
43038 8 8 Gettysburg 6444 Andy Get the flag! Get the flag! Come on, Big Tuna. What you gonna do about it? We got a flag right here. Wee-hoo!
43039 8 8 Gettysburg 6445 Andy Spangler Springs is a mile this way.
43040 8 8 Gettysburg 6445 Jim Oh wow. So that's two miles if you incorporate the walk back.
43041 8 8 Gettysburg 6445 Andy Its... I mean come on.
43042 8 8 Gettysburg 6445 Phyllis I don't think I should walk anymore. You know all I had for breakfast was oatmeal, yogurt, coffee, orange juice and toast. Two poached eggs. And then half a sandwich on the bus.
43043 8 8 Gettysburg 6445 Andy Alright fine. You know what ⓠI guess this place just hasn't rubbed off on you the way I hoped it would. I'm still going. And I'm not going to ask anymore. I'm not even going to look back. I'm just going to assume that you're with me.
43044 8 8 Gettysburg 6445 Dwight You said you weren't going to look back.
43045 8 8 Gettysburg 6446 Robert And why is Black Rock suddenly the paragon by which all hedge funds must now be compared?
43046 8 8 Gettysburg 6446 Kevin I don't know.
43047 8 8 Gettysburg 6446 Robert Right. I mean you're an accountant. Those bogus prospectuses must drive you insane.
43048 8 8 Gettysburg 6446 Kevin Yes. I am an accountant.
43049 8 8 Gettysburg 6447 Oscar Dwight ⓠthis is one of the archivists here. I thought maybe we could consult him.
43050 8 8 Gettysburg 6447 Dwight Really?
43051 8 8 Gettysburg 6447 Oscar Yeah.
43052 8 8 Gettysburg 6447 Dwight Well. Anyone employed by the Gettysburg Industrial Complex is certainly going to want to keep quiet about the Battle of Schrute Farms.
43053 8 8 Gettysburg 6447 Archivist Schrute Farms did you say? That is a fascinating little chapter of the Civil War.
43054 8 8 Gettysburg 6447 Oscar You've heard about it?
43055 8 8 Gettysburg 6447 Dwight YES! Ha! Prepare to be refuted! Go on.
43056 8 8 Gettysburg 6448 Archivist There you go.
43057 8 8 Gettysburg 6448 Narrator Families and sweethearts back home waited desperately for letters from the front.
43058 8 8 Gettysburg 6448 Soldier Dearest mother I'm sorry it has been so long since my last letter. It is three months since I arrived at Schrute Farms and I fear I may never leave this place alive. Melvin Fifer Garris.
43059 8 8 Gettysburg 6448 Dwight Hallowed ground.
43060 8 8 Gettysburg 6448 Narrator But the Battle at Schrute Farms was no battle at all. It was a code used by pacifists from both North and South who turned the Pennsylvania farmhouse into an artistic community and a refuge from the war.
43061 8 8 Gettysburg 6448 Amanda on film] You have to understand. Poets, artists, dancers ⓠthese kind of men preferred peace to war. These delicate lovely men found a place of refuge among the Schrutes at Schrute Farms. Amidst the macho brutality of war this was a place where dandies and dreamers could put on plays and sing tender ballads and dance in the moonlight. I like to think of Schrute Farms as the Underground Railroad for the sensitive... and well... fabulous.
43062 8 8 Gettysburg 6448 Oscar Wow. This is so much better than the story you made up.
43063 8 8 Gettysburg 6448 Dwight I've seen enough.
43064 8 8 Gettysburg 6448 Oscar You're right. There should be a monument to this.
43065 8 8 Gettysburg 6449 Kevin Never trust a cookie with a woman's name. Pecan Sandy. Lorna Doone. Madeline. They'll just break your heart.
43066 8 8 Gettysburg 6449 Robert Kevin!
43067 8 8 Gettysburg 6449 Ryan Robert I hate to interrupt. But I would love to pitch you one last idea. I call it the Big Mac idea.
43068 8 8 Gettysburg 6449 Kevin What?!? No!
43069 8 8 Gettysburg 6449 Robert Big Mac idea. That sounds encouraging.
43070 8 8 Gettysburg 6449 Ryan It's really, really good Robert. Let me explain.
43071 8 8 Gettysburg 6449 Kevin No! This is not fair! This is my idea. He's trying to steal it because he's jealous of me.
43072 8 8 Gettysburg 6449 Robert Well what is the idea?
43073 8 8 Gettysburg 6449 Kevin Every time you buy a Big Mac you set one ingredient aside. Then at the end of the week you have a free Big Mac. And you love it even more because you made it with your own hands.
43074 8 8 Gettysburg 6449 Ryan You know what? Now I remember. That was your idea. That is 100 percent your idea.
43075 8 8 Gettysburg 6449 Robert Oh my. It was just actually cookies the whole time?
43076 8 8 Gettysburg 6450 Andy Dammit.
43077 8 8 Gettysburg 6450 Darryl Hey.
43078 8 8 Gettysburg 6450 Andy You guys came. Where's everyone else?
43079 8 8 Gettysburg 6450 Darryl Back at the bus. We were locked out. Phyllis is sitting on the ground eating a dirty sandwich.
43080 8 8 Gettysburg 6450 Andy Yeah I asked the bus driver to lock it because our stuff was in there. I guess he follows orders.
43081 8 8 Gettysburg 6450 Jim Yeah sorry everyone else didn't come. I think they're just tired. With holes in their shoes. And they have dysentery.
43082 8 8 Gettysburg 6450 Andy Even without an audience you're still at it.
43083 8 8 Gettysburg 6450 Jim What are you talking about?
43084 8 8 Gettysburg 6450 Andy Our office has a disease. And it goes by many names. Sarcasm. Snark. Wisecracks. You take things people care about and you make them feel lame about it with your jokes. That's what you did with this trip.
43085 8 8 Gettysburg 6450 Jim Andy ⓠthis whole idea of our situation being just like war? It's just not true. We just work at a paper company. And you're our regional manager. And guess what man? You don't have to prove anything. We like you as regional manager. Andy if you don't believe me take a look at what's on my head. I'm wearing a very pink hat. I've been getting weird looks all day because I'm pretty sure "DM does GB" means something kinda sexual. But guess who's wearing them? All of us. Just for you man. That's huge.
43086 8 8 Gettysburg 6450 Andy You don't like the hats?
43087 8 8 Gettysburg 6450 Jim They're terrible.
43088 8 8 Gettysburg 6450 Darryl I hate myself.
43089 8 8 Gettysburg 6450 Andy They just didn't turn out how I wanted. In my head they were cooler, but they do look weird.
43090 8 8 Gettysburg 6451 Andy The world will little note, nor long remember the fight Jim and I had here at Gettysburg and that's good because I was basically wrong. I wanted my team to be, like, this army and I was their general. But I guess it's really more like they're just people who work in an office and I'm their manager. Yeah that's really probably a better analogy now that I think about it.
43091 8 8 Gettysburg 6452 Gabe Abe and Mary are seated watching the show. Oh Mary this is wonderful... Ok Mary stop your scolding. I'll be quiet. I need her like I need a hole in the head! BANG! Ooh
43092 8 9 Mrs. California 6453 Dwight Oh, little help. Wow your hair is really thinning.
43093 8 9 Mrs. California 6454 Dwight Standing is proven to be healthier, increases productivity and just looks cooler. Picture someone doing something heroic. Now was he sitting or standing? Not counting FDR.
43094 8 9 Mrs. California 6455 Dwight Every second you sit there is an hour off your life. Look at all of you. I feel like you're in a suicide cult.
43095 8 9 Mrs. California 6455 Creed No. No. No. You're way off on that one.
43096 8 9 Mrs. California 6455 Dwight Oh yeah?
43097 8 9 Mrs. California 6455 Oscar Are you really comfortable standing there? I tried one of those and I just never hit the sweet spot.
43098 8 9 Mrs. California 6455 Jim Hey guys let's just all admit it. Ok? Dwight's better than us. He had the guts to stop sitting. And he's never, ever going to go back on it right?
43099 8 9 Mrs. California 6455 Dwight That's right Jim.
43100 8 9 Mrs. California 6456 Darryl Hey man.
43101 8 9 Mrs. California 6456 Dwight Hey.
43102 8 9 Mrs. California 6456 Darryl Taking a load off huh?
43103 8 9 Mrs. California 6456 Dwight No. Putting a load on more like it.
43104 8 9 Mrs. California 6456 Darryl Good luck with that.
43105 8 9 Mrs. California 6456 Dwight Last thing I need is luck.
43106 8 9 Mrs. California 6457 Dwight Thank you so much.
43107 8 9 Mrs. California 6457 Jim What are you up to? Oops look out!
43108 8 9 Mrs. California 6457 Dwight What are you doing? Give that back. Come on!
43109 8 9 Mrs. California 6457 Jim Prank!
43110 8 9 Mrs. California 6457 Dwight Oh that's real creative.
43111 8 9 Mrs. California 6457 Jim You know what it's not my best. Because you could just easily bend over and pick it up right?
43112 8 9 Mrs. California 6457 Dwight I could, but I just don't feel like it loser.
43113 8 9 Mrs. California 6457 Jim Because you're sitting?
43114 8 9 Mrs. California 6457 Dwight Standing.
43115 8 9 Mrs. California 6457 Jim Ok.
43116 8 9 Mrs. California 6457 Dwight Don't!
43117 8 9 Mrs. California 6457 Jim Because you're sitting?
43118 8 9 Mrs. California 6457 Dwight Standing.
43119 8 9 Mrs. California 6457 Jim You know I have to do this.
43120 8 9 Mrs. California 6457 Dwight I know.
43121 8 9 Mrs. California 6458 Andy Andrew... Baines... Bernard.
43122 8 9 Mrs. California 6458 Jim I think you could just do Andy Bernard.
43123 8 9 Mrs. California 6458 Andy Andrew Baines Bernard. I love filling these out. Because it's like taking a test, but I know the answers.
43124 8 9 Mrs. California 6458 Robert In four seconds my wife is going to be coming through that door. I told her she could work here. Under no circumstances can that be allowed to happen. There you are! Honey how on earth could you miss the elevator?
43125 8 9 Mrs. California 6458 Andy What was that?
43126 8 9 Mrs. California 6458 Jim I don't know. He wasn't talking to me. But if I were you I wouldn't hire his wife.
43127 8 9 Mrs. California 6459 Ryan That's why my foundation ⓠThe Dream for a Wish Foundation ⓠis going to put them out of business. They're not going to know what hit them.
43128 8 9 Mrs. California 6459 Robert Everyone. I'd like to introduce my wife Mrs. Robert California. Mrs. California this is everyone.
43129 8 9 Mrs. California 6459 Susan Hello. Oh call me Susan please.
43130 8 9 Mrs. California 6459 Robert Last night at dinner Susan and I were talking about her returning to work. So she's here today to see if there's a good fit. Something tells me it just might work out. This is Andy Bernard the regional manager.
43131 8 9 Mrs. California 6459 Susan Hello nice to meet you.
43132 8 9 Mrs. California 6459 Andy Hey there. It's a pleasure.
43133 8 9 Mrs. California 6459 Robert Andy would you be so kind as to show Susan around the office. Show her the various departments. Find a place where she'll shine.
43134 8 9 Mrs. California 6459 Andy I would love to. But I have to be completely honest with you guys. We're 100 percent staffed up.
43135 8 9 Mrs. California 6459 Robert Andy. Let's see if there's a good fit first. Then we'll talk.
43136 8 9 Mrs. California 6459 Andy Alright.
43137 8 9 Mrs. California 6460 Dwight Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock.
43138 8 9 Mrs. California 6460 Darryl You don't have to say it if you're doing it.
43139 8 9 Mrs. California 6460 Dwight Remember how you said that you were looking in the office to do calisthenics and aerobics?
43140 8 9 Mrs. California 6460 Darryl Uh weight lifting yeah.
43141 8 9 Mrs. California 6460 Dwight Well today's your lucky day. I have opened in this very office building Dwight Schrute's Gym for Muscles. You wanna take a look?
43142 8 9 Mrs. California 6460 Darryl I'll take a look.
43143 8 9 Mrs. California 6460 Dwight Your path from obesity begins right here!
43144 8 9 Mrs. California 6461 Darryl I've been meaning to join a gym. For my health. I used to say I wanted to live long enough to see a black President. I didn't realize how easy that would be. So now I want to live long enough to see a really, really gay President. Or a supermodel President. I want to see all the different kinds of Presidents.
43145 8 9 Mrs. California 6462 Dwight Obese people in my office are a drain on resources. Chairs wear out faster, it takes more Freon to keep them cool, they flush the toilets more often, plus their massive BMs bust the rivets on my pipes. But a gym turns fat into cash.
43146 8 9 Mrs. California 6463 Andy Alright! The DM Express is pulling out.
43147 8 9 Mrs. California 6463 Susan Well it was really nice to meet you Brian.
43148 8 9 Mrs. California 6463 Ryan Actually Ryan.
43149 8 9 Mrs. California 6463 Susan Oh, Ryan.
43150 8 9 Mrs. California 6464 Ryan Bitttch!
43151 8 9 Mrs. California 6465 Andy We will start here at Erinville.
43152 8 9 Mrs. California 6465 Susan Hi.
43153 8 9 Mrs. California 6465 Erin Hoo-hoo!
43154 8 9 Mrs. California 6465 Andy Reception. Your classic one-man operation.
43155 8 9 Mrs. California 6465 Erin Although I was watching a movie and Merryl Streep had two secretaries.
43156 8 9 Mrs. California 6465 Andy I was watching a movie and a bunch of apes took over San Francisco. Just saying.
43157 8 9 Mrs. California 6465 Robert Two secretaries could convey a sense of importance and success to our clients. Certainly worth exploring; wouldn't you agree Andy?
43158 8 9 Mrs. California 6465 Andy I'll explore exploring it.
43159 8 9 Mrs. California 6465 Robert Good. It seems like you have this under control. So I'll just duck out and run the company for a while.
43160 8 9 Mrs. California 6465 Andy Ok uh next stop on the tour sales. Here we go. Station stop Jim Halpert. Oh boy our resident truth teller. Alright have at it. Let â˜er rip. What do you hate about this place?
43161 8 9 Mrs. California 6465 Jim Well it's sales. So you have to be able to live in the world of rejection.
43162 8 9 Mrs. California 6465 Dwight Maybe you do. Hi. I'm Dwight. Sales is really not so hard ok? It's paper. We have it and they want it so bad they are willing to pay for it.
43163 8 9 Mrs. California 6465 Andy Jim?
43164 8 9 Mrs. California 6465 Jim Well it's not that easy. It's kind of sometimes difficult.
43165 8 9 Mrs. California 6465 Dwight It's the second easiest job in the world. Being a mom.
43166 8 9 Mrs. California 6465 Susan I love shopping and sales is just the other side of that.
43167 8 9 Mrs. California 6465 Dwight That is true.
43168 8 9 Mrs. California 6465 Andy You know if you joined our sales department you would be working very closely with our department head Mr. Dwight Schrute.
43169 8 9 Mrs. California 6465 Dwight That's me.
43170 8 9 Mrs. California 6465 Andy Dwight why don't you tell Susan about some of your hobbies. Survival skills. Ranking of animals.
43171 8 9 Mrs. California 6465 Dwight Maybe over a beer after she's closed her first sale .
43172 8 9 Mrs. California 6465 Susan Well make that a red wine and I'll tell you my animal rankings .
43173 8 9 Mrs. California 6466 Andy Oh how am I supposed to pull this off? . The entire office is being nice to her than they've ever been to me. What I wouldn't give for one of Phyllis' classic room clearing farts right now.
43174 8 9 Mrs. California 6467 Dwight Ready? What do you think?
43175 8 9 Mrs. California 6467 Darryl Um no. This is not a gym. This is like a scene out of Saw 5.
43176 8 9 Mrs. California 6467 Dwight You haven't even looked around yet. Look. Gravel bucket squat yoke Right? Dedicated phone book ripping station . You ever cut tin before? Five yards in and your forearms will be on fire. Plus I will buy the tin back from you that you cut for two cents a yard. Now let's go over membership. I'm going to need the first month's and the last month's up front. $49 per month. But every third month is $59 a month. But the fourth month is a discount month at $19 per month...
43177 8 9 Mrs. California 6467 Darryl Obviously you know how a gym works. So you know I'm not going to pay money for this. You want people to come to your gym? Make a real gym.
43178 8 9 Mrs. California 6467 Dwight Darryl...
43179 8 9 Mrs. California 6467 Darryl Make a real gym.
43180 8 9 Mrs. California 6468 Susan I was thinking accounting might be a good fit because I really clicked with Oscar and I do have some experience in bookkeeping.
43181 8 9 Mrs. California 6468 Andy But we already have a surplus of accountants as it is.
43182 8 9 Mrs. California 6468 Susan Uh I could work in customer service. HR even.
43183 8 9 Mrs. California 6468 Andy Those are fully staffed as well.
43184 8 9 Mrs. California 6468 Robert Are you telling me that there's no one in this entire office that could use an extra pair of hands?
43185 8 9 Mrs. California 6468 Andy Yes.
43186 8 9 Mrs. California 6468 Robert I am the CEO and I am telling an employee of mine what to do.
43187 8 9 Mrs. California 6468 Andy Let me beat around the bush for a second. Our chairman of the board has some very strong feelings about-
43188 8 9 Mrs. California 6468 Susan Robert this is very uncomfortable. Obviously there's no place for me here. So thank you for trying. Why don't we just let it go.
43189 8 9 Mrs. California 6468 Robert No. Absolutely not. Andrew there must be something you can do. Think.
43190 8 9 Mrs. California 6468 Andy There are lots of considerations.
43191 8 9 Mrs. California 6468 Robert I would be eternally grateful. It's not a bad thing to have the CEO owe you one.
43192 8 9 Mrs. California 6468 Andy Alright. Well then welcome aboard.
43193 8 9 Mrs. California 6469 Susan So what happens next?
43194 8 9 Mrs. California 6469 Andy We get you over to HR and then we get you set up with accounting. Hang on. Hello?
43195 8 9 Mrs. California 6469 Robert Say hello grandma.
43196 8 9 Mrs. California 6469 Andy Hi gam-gam.
43197 8 9 Mrs. California 6469 Robert Hold one finger up to Susan. You'll just be a second. You numbskull. You were given a very simple task. I could not have been more clear with you. Now say, "are you taking your medicine?"
43198 8 9 Mrs. California 6469 Andy Are you taking your med-meds?
43199 8 9 Mrs. California 6469 Robert Why can you not say exactly what I tell you? Undo this. Undo it.
43200 8 9 Mrs. California 6469 Susan You didn't say goodbye to your grandma.
43201 8 9 Mrs. California 6469 Andy We promised we'd never say goodbye.
43202 8 9 Mrs. California 6470 Dwight Attention! I am now accepting memberships for Dwight Schrute's Gym for Muscles. The first 20 members can take advantage of the pay what you weigh promotion.
43203 8 9 Mrs. California 6470 Oscar All I need is another gym. As if I don't have enough drama.
43204 8 9 Mrs. California 6470 Phyllis We have a gym at home. It's called the bedroom.
43205 8 9 Mrs. California 6470 Oscar Who's spotting who? Don't use the bike in the corner. That's Bruce's. Jeremy says...
43206 8 9 Mrs. California 6470 Angela Enough Oscar, enough.
43207 8 9 Mrs. California 6470 Dwight Kelly?
43208 8 9 Mrs. California 6470 Kelly I have these new sneakers which are basically like a gym for your feet.
43209 8 9 Mrs. California 6471 Dwight That's okay. I know how to build a business. You gotta get the black people to do it to get the white people to do it. Then you gotta get the black people to stop doing it. One step at a time.
43210 8 9 Mrs. California 6472 Toby Did you bring your passport with you?
43211 8 9 Mrs. California 6472 Susan Who walks around with their passport?
43212 8 9 Mrs. California 6472 Toby Well, I do. Always ready for adventure.
43213 8 9 Mrs. California 6472 Susan Have you had any?
43214 8 9 Mrs. California 6472 Toby No.
43215 8 9 Mrs. California 6472 Andy Hey, uh, guys. So Robert doesn't want his wife working here. So now that she is, we have to drive her away.
43216 8 9 Mrs. California 6472 Oscar Andy, if he didn't want her working here then why did you hire her?
43217 8 9 Mrs. California 6472 Andy, Oscar it was a mistake. But one that can be fixed by all of us being mean to her.
43218 8 9 Mrs. California 6472 Kevin How can we do that? She's simply wonderful.
43219 8 9 Mrs. California 6472 Angela This is all pathetic.
43220 8 9 Mrs. California 6472 Andy I am not asking, I am ordering.
43221 8 9 Mrs. California 6472 Oscar How mean are we talking about?
43222 8 9 Mrs. California 6472 Andy It would be great if she were gone by lunch. Erin, you're up. Find her a place to work, but not too comfortable.
43223 8 9 Mrs. California 6472 Erin Got it. I know exactly which stapler to give her.
43224 8 9 Mrs. California 6473 Erin Here you go.
43225 8 9 Mrs. California 6473 Susan Um, do you think it would be possible to move to that desk over there? Because this seems a bit cramped and I don't have a computer.
43226 8 9 Mrs. California 6473 Erin Well that's a sales desk.
43227 8 9 Mrs. California 6473 Kevin Yeah. You need to be over here with us accountants. Just sit here and be quiet. And if you have a question, just raise your hand. But I'm gonna save you some time, sweetie, and give you the answer now. I. Don't. Know.
43228 8 9 Mrs. California 6474 Jim No, I don't think we should be trying to make this place seem unpleasant. I think we should let this place just crush her spirit by itself. I mean, it knows what it's doing.
43229 8 9 Mrs. California 6475 Oscar That's Gerald.
43230 8 9 Mrs. California 6475 Jim Oh, wow. So cute.
43231 8 9 Mrs. California 6475 Susan Oh, that is so cute-
43232 8 9 Mrs. California 6475 Phyllis Aw... He's so tiny. Is he in a ladle?
43233 8 9 Mrs. California 6475 Oscar Yeah, he's in a ladle.
43234 8 9 Mrs. California 6475 Erin That's adorable. How on earth did you get him in a ladle?
43235 8 9 Mrs. California 6475 Oscar He did it himself.
43236 8 9 Mrs. California 6475 Phyllis Is that ladle stainless or...
43237 8 9 Mrs. California 6475 Oscar Oh, stainless. Williams Sonoma.
43238 8 9 Mrs. California 6475 Susan Excuse me, waiter, there's a dog in my soup.
43239 8 9 Mrs. California 6475 Oscar It's not that kind of ladle.
43240 8 9 Mrs. California 6475 Jim Very cute.
43241 8 9 Mrs. California 6475 Susan Aw, let me see-
43242 8 9 Mrs. California 6475 Oscar Ah, just the battery on these things. I'm sorry, I've got to recharge this.
43243 8 9 Mrs. California 6476 Susan I get it. Last time I had a job, I remember I hated the boss' wife. Of course, she was married to Robert.
43244 8 9 Mrs. California 6477 Susan Your employees don't seem to be taking to me.
43245 8 9 Mrs. California 6477 Robert Andy! Andy, could you step in here, please? We'll fix this.
43246 8 9 Mrs. California 6477 Andy What is going on?
43247 8 9 Mrs. California 6477 Robert Please. Andrew, my wife... has brought up an issue that requires your attention. So, uh, if you'll excuse me, I should step out, get to the ATM before that homeless man sets up camp for the night.
43248 8 9 Mrs. California 6477 Andy Okey-dokey, artichokey. You hate it, don't you?
43249 8 9 Mrs. California 6477 Susan Do you not want me here?
43250 8 9 Mrs. California 6477 Andy Why would you say that?
43251 8 9 Mrs. California 6477 Susan It's okay. I understand. I'm not sure how I would feel about having the boss' wife work for me either.
43252 8 9 Mrs. California 6477 Andy It's not that, exactly.
43253 8 9 Mrs. California 6477 Susan But it is something.
43254 8 9 Mrs. California 6477 Andy Let's just say that if you don't want to work here, I am totally prepared to respect that.
43255 8 9 Mrs. California 6477 Susan Why would you not want me working here?
43256 8 9 Mrs. California 6477 Andy I don't know.
43257 8 9 Mrs. California 6477 Susan I think I understand what you're going through. My husband can be a very difficult man to read, can't he?
43258 8 9 Mrs. California 6477 Andy Yes! The dude is an enigma.
43259 8 9 Mrs. California 6477 Susan Mm-hmm. So he is mixed up in this, isn't he?
43260 8 9 Mrs. California 6477 Andy Ah...
43261 8 9 Mrs. California 6477 Susan Got it.
43262 8 9 Mrs. California 6478 Dwight What do you think you're doing?
43263 8 9 Mrs. California 6478 Darryl Getting my sweat on.
43264 8 9 Mrs. California 6478 Dwight I build you this temple to the human body, and you're lifting what, five pounds?
43265 8 9 Mrs. California 6478 Darryl I just did, like, 35 minutes on the treadmill.
43266 8 9 Mrs. California 6478 Dwight I was watching you. You want to know how long it really was?
43267 8 9 Mrs. California 6478 Darryl No.
43268 8 9 Mrs. California 6478 Dwight Eight minutes!
43269 8 9 Mrs. California 6478 Darryl Dude, I'm gonna be here all week, right? Five days a week, I figure I'll start slow.
43270 8 9 Mrs. California 6478 Dwight Is that the same philosophy you apply to buffalo wings? I want you to bring that same buffalo wing passion to this gym! I'm gonna make you look like Lebron James!
43271 8 9 Mrs. California 6478 Darryl It's Lejon Brames.
43272 8 9 Mrs. California 6478 Dwight That's what I said.
43273 8 9 Mrs. California 6478 Darryl You know, get it right.
43274 8 9 Mrs. California 6478 Dwight I know.
43275 8 9 Mrs. California 6479 Andy Cameras...
43276 8 9 Mrs. California 6479 Robert Oh, still here. Terrific.
43277 8 9 Mrs. California 6479 Susan Andy and I had a great conversation. And I just want to let you know that I am not going to be working here.
43278 8 9 Mrs. California 6479 Robert Well that's a shame.
43279 8 9 Mrs. California 6479 Andy It just was one of those things-
43280 8 9 Mrs. California 6479 Susan Is it? Because we talked about it and it seems like that might be what you want. Which is fine.
43281 8 9 Mrs. California 6479 Robert Where did this come from? Did Andy say that?
43282 8 9 Mrs. California 6479 Susan No, he did not, but I could tell he was struggling to understand what was expected of him.
43283 8 9 Mrs. California 6479 Robert What's the struggle? He made a great call, hired a great person.
43284 8 9 Mrs. California 6479 Susan You sure about that?
43285 8 9 Mrs. California 6479 Robert Absolutely.
43286 8 9 Mrs. California 6479 Susan No games?
43287 8 9 Mrs. California 6479 Robert No games.
43288 8 9 Mrs. California 6479 Susan Because Andy seemed to think there was some information he was not able to share with me.
43289 8 9 Mrs. California 6479 Robert Okay, enough of this. I mean, really, enough. It's gotten way out of hand. Andrew, this is my wife. Whatever privacy you were trying to protect between us, I thank you for. But it is not welcome right now. Just be honest.
43290 8 9 Mrs. California 6479 Susan Andy?
43291 8 9 Mrs. California 6479 Andy Yes?
43292 8 9 Mrs. California 6479 Susan Why do you keep looking at my husband?
43293 8 9 Mrs. California 6479 Robert Andy, just answer the question.
43294 8 9 Mrs. California 6479 Andy No games?
43295 8 9 Mrs. California 6479 Robert No games.
43296 8 9 Mrs. California 6479 Andy Okay. I mean, it was kind of funny, actually. Robert storms in and he says, "in four seconds, my wife's gonna be in here. I told her she could work here. Under no circumstances can that be allowed to happen."
43297 8 9 Mrs. California 6479 Robert You lying son of a bitch!
43298 8 9 Mrs. California 6480 Robert Tell my wife you're lying.
43299 8 9 Mrs. California 6480 Andy I am lying. I am a compulsive liar.
43300 8 9 Mrs. California 6480 Susan That's not true, is it?
43301 8 9 Mrs. California 6480 Andy No, it's not. I tell the truth most of the time and I was just telling the truth about your husband. Jim knows. He was there.
43302 8 9 Mrs. California 6480 Robert This is preposterous.
43303 8 9 Mrs. California 6480 Susan Robert...
43304 8 9 Mrs. California 6480 Robert Let's get Jim in here. Where's Jim?
43305 8 9 Mrs. California 6480 Erin He just rolled out and crawled out.
43306 8 9 Mrs. California 6480 Robert Can you call security, tell 'em to keep an eye out for him? Time to settle this.
43307 8 9 Mrs. California 6481 Jim Oh wait, wait, wait! Hold on, hold on. I just need to get through. Just real quick. Real quick, open... uh, okay.
43308 8 9 Mrs. California 6482 Robert That's weird. Well, he's gotta be around here somewhere.
43309 8 9 Mrs. California 6483 Jim Oh. Ow. Ow. Ow. Creed. I was never here, all right?
43310 8 9 Mrs. California 6483 Creed Okay. What about your friend?
43311 8 9 Mrs. California 6483 Jim Oh boy.
43312 8 9 Mrs. California 6484 Dwight This is my gym, my rules. You do exactly as I say, no questions asked.
43313 8 9 Mrs. California 6484 Darryl Yeah, I'm gonna ask questions and I might not do what you say.
43314 8 9 Mrs. California 6484 Dwight First thing, we're gonna stretch the pelvic bowl. Ready? Get down on the floor.
43315 8 9 Mrs. California 6484 Darryl Okay, I'm not doing that.
43316 8 9 Mrs. California 6484 Dwight Really? Too embarrassing for you? Huh? You wish that every exercise was strutting around the gym like the Fonz? Well how do you think the Fonz got so cool? He stretched his pelvic bowl!
43317 8 9 Mrs. California 6484 Gabe I didn't know Darryl joined.
43318 8 9 Mrs. California 6484 Darryl Looks that way.
43319 8 9 Mrs. California 6484 Gabe Nice pelvic bowl. Deep.
43320 8 9 Mrs. California 6485 Robert Hello Jim.
43321 8 9 Mrs. California 6485 Andy No, no. No, no, no! Don't! Damn it, Tuna!
43322 8 9 Mrs. California 6486 Robert So I think you know what we want to know.
43323 8 9 Mrs. California 6486 Jim Do I?
43324 8 9 Mrs. California 6486 Robert Yes.
43325 8 9 Mrs. California 6486 Jim I know, I do.
43326 8 9 Mrs. California 6486 Andy Jim, I've had enough of your unhelpfulness.
43327 8 9 Mrs. California 6486 Jim I really wish I could help. I'm not really sure how I can...
43328 8 9 Mrs. California 6486 Susan For God's sake, did Robert tell you that he didn't want me working here?
43329 8 9 Mrs. California 6486 Jim That's the thing. See, I didn't want to get in the middle of this. Still don't. But here's something: I feel that maybe, if we take a step back, this is a simple case of anxiety to work with a spouse.
43330 8 9 Mrs. California 6486 Andy I think we've got ourselves an answer.
43331 8 9 Mrs. California 6486 Robert No.
43332 8 9 Mrs. California 6486 Andy That makes complete sense. Thank you all for a wonderful day.
43333 8 9 Mrs. California 6486 Jim Perfect!
43334 8 9 Mrs. California 6486 Susan Jim...
43335 8 9 Mrs. California 6486 Jim Yes?
43336 8 9 Mrs. California 6486 Susan Answer the question, please.
43337 8 9 Mrs. California 6486 Jim I don't know what you want me to tell you. To be really honest, my wife works here. And I love it. She literally makes me work harder. She makes me smarter. She makes me remember why I'm here. And between us, she's on maternity leave right now, and I would love to leave this room and see her face. I would love it. I don't know how this helps, but it's just what I'm thinking.
43338 8 9 Mrs. California 6486 Robert All right. Thanks.
43339 8 9 Mrs. California 6486 Jim Yes. All right. Great.
43340 8 9 Mrs. California 6486 Andy Uh...
43341 8 9 Mrs. California 6486 Robert Yeah.
43342 8 9 Mrs. California 6486 Andy Yep.
43343 8 9 Mrs. California 6487 Susan Thank you.
43344 8 9 Mrs. California 6487 Robert Heh.
43345 8 9 Mrs. California 6488 Susan Andy.
43346 8 9 Mrs. California 6488 Andy Hey, Mrs. California.
43347 8 9 Mrs. California 6488 Susan Hey. Uh, I'm sorry about the position you were put in today.
43348 8 9 Mrs. California 6488 Andy You know, honestly, we all wanted you to work there. Except for him. Especially me.
43349 8 9 Mrs. California 6488 Susan Yeah, I thought we really hit it off.
43350 8 9 Mrs. California 6488 Andy Yeah.
43351 8 9 Mrs. California 6488 Susan Well, different circumstances.
43352 8 9 Mrs. California 6488 Andy Yeah.
43353 8 9 Mrs. California 6488 Susan Who knows?
43354 8 9 Mrs. California 6488 Andy Who knows?
43355 8 9 Mrs. California 6488 Susan Maybe after all this settles down...
43356 8 9 Mrs. California 6488 Andy Totally.
43357 8 9 Mrs. California 6488 Susan It's a date.
43358 8 9 Mrs. California 6488 Andy Hmm?
43359 8 9 Mrs. California 6489 Dwight You're nothing! You're so weak, you call yourself a man? Huh?
43360 8 9 Mrs. California 6489 Darryl This doesn't help me. I don't respond to that kind of strategy.
43361 8 9 Mrs. California 6489 Dwight Okay, fine. Finish your set on your own and never come back to my gym again!
43362 8 9 Mrs. California 6489 Darryl Dwight, come back and spot me.
43363 8 9 Mrs. California 6489 Dwight All right, I'll help you. But first, you gotta tell me what your goal is. What do you want?
43364 8 9 Mrs. California 6489 Darryl To push this bar up.
43365 8 9 Mrs. California 6489 Dwight No! Because if that was the case, the bar would be up by now. What is your goal?
43366 8 9 Mrs. California 6489 Darryl Help me!
43367 8 9 Mrs. California 6489 Dwight What do you want!?!
43368 8 9 Mrs. California 6489 Darryl To look good for Val!
43369 8 9 Mrs. California 6489 Dwight Val Kilmer? I don't buy it. That doesn't make any sense. Wow... I figured out your goal. I am going to make you the buffest dude Val Kilmer has ever seen.
43370 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6490 Andy Christmas tiiiime is heeeere! Wow. Thanks guys, that sounded amazing. Hi, I'm Andy Bernard and I am the first office Santa ever to make holiday wishes come true.
43371 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6491 Andy Who's excited to get their holiday wishes?
43372 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6491 Stanley Holiday wishes.
43373 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6491 Andy What's that, Stanley?
43374 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6491 Stanley We know exactly what holiday you're referring to.
43375 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6491 Andy It is important to be mindful of all belief systems at our holiday party.
43376 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6491 Stanley I've been here eighteen years and have suffered through some weird thematic Christmases. A Honolulu Christmas, A Pulp Fiction Christmas, A Muslim Christmas, Moroccan Christmas. Mo-rocca Christmas. I don't want it. Christmas is Christmas is Christmas is Christmas.
43377 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6492 Jim I got Stanley tickets to see Lewis Black for his birthday. ...Might not have been the best idea.
43378 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6493 Stanley I don't want no Kwanza wreath, I don't need a dreidel in my face, that's it's own thing. And who's that black Santa for?! I don't care! I know Santa ain't black! I could care less. I want Christmas! Just give me plain baby Jesus, lying in a manger, Christmas!
43379 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6494 Meredith What is the status on my wish?
43380 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6494 Andy Fulfilled! Brought my bicycle, so I can be your designated driver later. In the event that you drink to much, which is by no means required.
43381 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6494 Dwight What about my wish that we don't have to attend meetings that degrade our sense of adulthood?
43382 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6494 Andy That, I cannot do, but I did get you an acre of property on the moon.
43383 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6494 Dwight Where? Dark side or light side?
43384 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6494 Andy Light side.
43385 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6494 Dwight Is it by the Sea of Tranquility?
43386 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6494 Andy As a matter of fact, yes. Directly adjacent....beachfront.
43387 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6494 Dwight Thank you, Andy.
43388 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6494 Andy So, who's wish is next? Oh, what about Santa's wish? My biggest wish is that you all get along well with Jessica....C'mon guys, Jessica?...Jim, tell 'em who Jessica is.
43389 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6494 Jim She's not your grandmother, is she?
43390 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6494 Andy Ugh! Gam-gam's name is Ruth, Jim, you should know. I introduced you on speakerphone that time?
43391 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6494 Jim Yeah.
43392 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6494 Andy Jessica is my super serious girlfriend, who is seriously awesome and seriously sexy. Only thing that's not serious, by the way? Our repartee.
43393 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6494 Creed That's great. When you know you know. Hey, what's Ruth's deal, man?
43394 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6494 Andy Totally out of your league. So in summation, ho ho ho, please be nice to Jessica and mistletoe is not an excuse for sexual assault, and don't go near Gam-gam.
43395 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6495 Erin I love Jessica, and I haven't even met her yet. It's like we don't even need to meet, you know? I already love you. Stay home.
43396 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6496 Kelly I just want you to know that I will be mean to Jessica if you want me to be.
43397 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6496 Erin Oh no, no. It's fine, Kelly.
43398 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6496 Kelly It's really no problem. I was already planning on being mean to her.
43399 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6496 Erin That's OK, I don't want you to do that.
43400 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6496 Robert Hello, ah. Merry Christmas, Erin. Kelly, Happy Pancha Ganapati.
43401 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6496 Kelly Eww, what is that?
43402 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6496 Robert The five day Hindu celebration in December honoring the god Ganesh, Patron of the Arts.
43403 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6496 Kelly Cool.
43404 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6496 Kevin Hey, man.
43405 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6496 Robert Hey! Oh!
43406 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6496 Kevin How ya holdin' up...because of your wife leaving you?
43407 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6496 Oscar Kevin?
43408 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6496 Robert I actually appreciate the human intimacy. Feel like a kitten being cradled by a gorilla.
43409 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6496 Kevin Yeah.
43410 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6496 Robert It's been ten days since I had sexual intercourse.
43411 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6496 Andy Well you came to the right place....Ah, this, this party'll cheer you right up.
43412 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6496 Robert I hope so. The corporate party was wretched. I am so tired of the Black Eyed Peas. It's rock-n-roll for people who don't like rock-n-roll. It's rap for people who don't like rap. It's pop for people who don't like pop.....ah, heartbreaking.
43413 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6496 Andy Oh, thank you.
43414 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6497 Andy Well, I hate to have to take my Santa hat off, and put on my hard ass hat. But, this is serious. It's come to my attention that somebody who shall remain nameless, wants to switch desk clumps.
43415 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6497 Dwight Fine with me. Jim can leave anytime he wants. Goodbye.
43416 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6497 Jim It wasn't me.
43417 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6497 Andy It wasn't either of you.
43418 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6497 Jim Kathy wants to leave our clump?
43419 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6497 Andy Sh sh sh sh! Don't look. Who it was is not important...but she did say that your constant pranking and one-upsmanship is driving her crazy. She or he.
43420 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6497 Dwight I just wanna say, this is not my fault. OK? The weak always bully the strong. Contrary to what you see in the media. I am always acting in self-defense. Occasionally preemptive self-defense.
43421 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6497 Jim Ow, What are you doing?
43422 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6497 Andy Hey! Hey! Respect the hat!
43423 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6497 Jim Pam never seemed to have a problem with us.
43424 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6497 Andy Alright. I'm gonna speak in a language you both understand....Mo-nay.
43425 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6497 Jim What was that?
43426 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6497 Dwight What is it?
43427 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6497 Andy Money....You both have sizable Christmas bonuses coming your way. If I catch either of you messing with the other, I will give both bonuses to the other person.
43428 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6497 Jim Can't do that.
43429 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6497 Dwight No, absolutely not.
43430 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6497 Andy You need consequences. OK? I want you both walking on eggshells.
43431 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6498 Jessica Hi. I'm Jessica. I'm looking for Andy?
43432 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6498 Erin Jessica. Yes. We don't say hi, we hug. I'm Erin.
43433 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6498 Jessica Oh! Oof!
43434 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6498 Erin Sorry, hi, I hope you feel really welcome, we all want you here.
43435 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6498 Jessica Oh.
43436 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6499 Andy My ex is meeting my s*x....which is always scary, you know? And not just because you think they might talk about your pen1s...that's just part of it.
43437 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6500 Andy Hey! Jess, Erin, I hope you're not talking about my pen1s. Hi.
43438 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6500 Jessica Hi.
43439 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6500 Andy Hey everyone! I want you to meet Jessica, she is an assistant cross country coach at Bryn Mawr.
43440 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6500 Erin Wow.
43441 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6500 Andy Erin, by the way, amazing receptionist.
43442 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6500 Jessica Oh, that's great. Backbone of the office.
43443 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6500 Erin Which is funny, actually, because my spine is a mess.
43444 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6500 Andy What?
43445 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6500 Jessica Oh.
43446 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6500 Erin Scoliosis. Had to wear a back brace for three years but I never did.
43447 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6500 Andy Oh no.
43448 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6500 Jessica Ah..
43449 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6500 Andy Ut oh, it's kicking in. Spontaneous scoliosis.
43450 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6500 Jessica Spontaneous scoliosis.
43451 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6500 Erin Oh.
43452 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6501 Darryl This thing could take your arm off, your head off, you know, just exercise caution.
43453 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6501 Val Thank you.
43454 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6501 Darryl Alright.
43455 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6501 Val Alright.
43456 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6501 Darryl Oh yeah, and um there's a Christmas party upstairs tonight, wanted to tell you about.
43457 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6501 Val Isn't that just for popsicles?
43458 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6501 Darryl Popsicles?
43459 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6501 Val Yeah, upstairs people? Cause you got a stick up your butt?
43460 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6501 Nate Ah! See, I, I, I thought it was because they're so rich they could all eat popsicles all the time. I, in my, I...
43461 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6501 Darryl Well you should definitely come. The foreman always comes. Plus it's fun, you know cookies, smoked fish, alcohol, people acting stupid.
43462 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6501 Nate You had me at "clookies." I can't wait to find out what they are.
43463 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6501 Val What should I wear?
43464 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6501 Darryl Oh, it's nice, it's real nice. People get dressed up.
43465 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6501 Nate I will look so handsome for you, Darryl.
43466 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6502 Jim Ah... I'm gonna s-
43467 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6503 Jim Dwight really wants my bonus. He's trying to entrap me. Oh god, now I can't drink at this thing....I get really pranky when I drink.
43468 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6504 Robert Erin, what can I get for you?
43469 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6504 Erin Uh, do you have cola? Kirkland if you have it.
43470 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6504 Robert Now why would you come to a bar and ask for a cola when you can get some from the kitchen? Did some small part of you want something a little stronger? Ryan, Kevin, Phyllis, Oscar, come and take these shots!
43471 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6504 Ryan Yes!
43472 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6504 Oscar Yes!
43473 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6504 Ryan Will do.
43474 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6504 Robert The fifth one is for you, Erin. You could take it or leave it. To take it would be to accept that you're at a party and you're an adult woman, with an adventurous spirit. To leave it would be fine too.
43475 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6504 Phyllis One, two three!
43476 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6504 Kevin Yes.
43477 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6504 Erin OK.
43478 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6504 Robert Mmm. Wow.
43479 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6504 Erin Whoo! Jiminy Christmas!
43480 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6504 Robert Jiminey Christmas indeed.
43481 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6504 Erin Hit 'er up.
43482 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6504 Robert Oh.
43483 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6504 Kevin Oh yes.
43484 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6504 Ryan Whoo!
43485 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6504 Erin Yeah!
43486 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6504 Oscar Wow.
43487 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6505 Jim Uh, yeah. I just got my replacement credit card...you want the number? Oh it's uh four seven nine three, zero zero three two, three three one three. The security code is nine two seven. OK great. Thank you very much. Bye.
43488 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6506 Jim So Dwight did take the bait. He used my credit card numbers to send a two hundred dollar bouquet of flowers, to my wife...from me.
43489 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6507 Dwight Boom!
43490 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6508 Ryan But look, it's Christmas, so you're allowed... whoa, hello. Um, you're allowed to do...
43491 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6508 Kevin Good cookie.
43492 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6509 Darryl I meant dressed up compared to normal. You usually dress like a ghost-buster.
43493 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6509 Val OK.
43494 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6509 Darryl I thought you'd wear a sweater.
43495 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6509 Val Since when does a sweater mean "dressed up"? Am I your grandson?
43496 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6509 Darryl Come on, stay, alright? It's good for people to get to know you.
43497 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6509 Val As a contestant on Dancing with the Stars, maybe.
43498 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6510 Erin I want.. my sugar free cookie, and then I want a sugar cookie. and then I want my nap!
43499 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6510 Stanley That's right.
43500 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6510 Erin Whoo! Thank you.
43501 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6510 Robert She, she is remarkable.
43502 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6510 Andy Edgy impressions.
43503 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6510 Erin Thank you.
43504 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6510 Andy How many drinks have you had tonight? I can't be driving everybody home.
43505 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6510 Erin A thousand.
43506 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6510 Andy Whoa! Maybe you should take a break.
43507 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6510 Erin Maybe you should mind your own business. Just kidding!
43508 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6511 Dwight Ah! I've been attacked! Oh my god! Oh! Someone put a porcupine in my drawer!
43509 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6511 Toby Oh my god.
43510 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6511 Dwight Yeah, I was just sitting here at my desk and I, I reached into my drawer to grab my toothbrush and some tooth powder and, and all of a sudden I was attacked by this blood thirsty rabid creature!
43511 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6511 Jim I wonder, in this office, who has access to a porcupine?
43512 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6511 Dwight Or who in this office knows that I have access and is trying to set me up?
43513 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6511 Jim Hmm...
43514 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6511 Toby You know this sounds a lot like the premise of my latest Chad Flendermen novel. A murder for framing.
43515 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6512 Toby Chad Flendermen. Just an easy going black guy, he knows the streets, yet he also went to Oxford. So. Just as comfortable on a motorcycle as he is on Air Force One. Oh and he's also the world's leading Egyptologist.
43516 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6513 Angela Toby! Nobody cares about your sex-crazed black detective.
43517 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6513 Toby No, no, no, no, no. Women chase him. He misses his wife.
43518 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6513 Dwight Hello? Lacerated hand here folks.
43519 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6513 Jim Nice try, this is ridiculous.
43520 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6513 Dwight Oh is it really? Two separate times you have set me up to believe I was being recruited by the CIA.
43521 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6513 Jim Three times.
43522 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6513 Dwight You see?
43523 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6513 Andy Jim, this has your fingerprints all over it.
43524 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6513 Jim Andy, you've gotta be kidding me.
43525 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6513 Toby Fingerprints can be planted. You know with a severed hand...
43526 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6513 Kelly Do you think that's what happened? Do you think he used a severed hand?
43527 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6513 Jim OK, you know what? Why don't we just call animal control...
43528 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6513 Dwight Might wanna run that by Angela cause it's so cute.
43529 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6513 Angela No. Porcupines don't have souls. They're like dogs.
43530 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6513 Jim Yes, I'm calling from Dunder Mifflin. We have a very rabid porcupine in our office, someone should come pick it up.
43531 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6513 Dwight Come down right away!
43532 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6513 Jim Uh, I don't know, let me ask. Uh, were you quilled?
43533 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6513 Dwight Yes, I was quilled.
43534 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6513 Jim And what's it's name?
43535 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6513 Dwight Henrietta.
43536 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6513 Jim Oops.
43537 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6513 Andy What? ...Alright, get her out of here, Dwight.
43538 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6514 Erin Hey, guys. I just wanted to say. Come here! I'm so happy you guys are together. OK? And you both have such beautiful hair.
43539 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6514 Jessica Thank you.
43540 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6514 Erin I hope you guys get married....and who knows? Maybe at the wedding, I meet someone.
43541 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6514 Andy OK!
43542 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6514 Erin And later on tonight, I hope I see you guys kiss. Ah! OK, well I'm gonna go do another reverse spit. That's how the cool kids say "get a drink".
43543 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6514 Jessica That's uh, that's the girl you dated.
43544 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6514 Andy Um, yeah, she's not always like that. It's um...
43545 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6514 Jessica No, she, she seems fine.
43546 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6514 Andy Yeah, uh, excuse me.
43547 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6514 Jessica OK.
43548 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6514 Andy Yep. Hey!
43549 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6514 Erin Hey.
43550 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6514 Andy Have you had anything to eat besides candy canes?
43551 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6514 Erin Every martini has an olive.
43552 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6514 Andy OK...maybe I should make you some oatmeal or something.
43553 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6514 Kevin I don't wanna put you out, but if someone's making oatmeal, I'll take a apple cinnamon and a maple brown sugar in one bowl with whole milk.
43554 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6514 Erin Hey, I never told you my Christmas wish.
43555 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6514 Andy Ah, OK.
43556 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6514 Erin It's about you.
43557 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6514 Andy That's not what it should be, it should just be like a trinket or something.
43558 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6514 Erin It's that I wish Jessica was dead.
43559 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6514 Andy You you, wait. You mean you wish she wasn't here or something.
43560 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6514 Erin I wish she was in a graveyard! Under the ground...with worms coming out of her mouth.
43561 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6514 Andy Hey, you know, you can't say that, OK? That's my girlfriend that you're talking about. You and I are not together anymore. You need to get over it! Take your wish back.
43562 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6514 Erin Too late! It's already been wished! And you promised it would come true. You wrote it in an email! So, which one are you? A murderer or a liar?
43563 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6514 Kevin Hey.
43564 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6514 Erin Hey.
43565 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6514 Kevin So, there was talk of oatmeal.
43566 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6515 Phyllis You know, don't listen to what anyone is saying. You look like a, a princess.
43567 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6515 Val Yeah. Thanks.
43568 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6516 Andy I swear...
43569 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6516 Jessica Did you not...
43570 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6516 Andy I was too embarrassed!
43571 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6516 Jim Hey guys, sorry to interrupt, I uh, just found this on my desk. Need to talk to somebody about it. Can you believe that?
43572 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6516 Phyllis Is that Cici?
43573 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6516 Jim Yes. It is.
43574 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6516 Andy Um.
43575 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6516 Phyllis That's awful.
43576 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6516 Andy Cici is Jim's daughter.
43577 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6516 Jessica Oh my god. How could somebody do that?
43578 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6516 Jim I know, I mean the way I see it is you can deface any picture of me, any one, pick one. Not my kid though.
43579 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6516 Oscar Who did this? Who did this? Do you know who did this?
43580 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6516 Jim I don't-
43581 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6516 Andy I know who did this....Dwight.
43582 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6516 Phyllis Dwight?
43583 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6516 Jim Yeah.
43584 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6516 Andy Dwight.
43585 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6516 Oscar No!
43586 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6516 Phyllis He should pay.
43587 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6516 Andy Yeah. He is gonna pay. This is fire-able.
43588 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6516 Jim O...K.
43589 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6516 Andy It's, I mean.
43590 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6516 Jim Let me just see that one more time. Yep, you know what? I know who my friends are, now. But I shouldn't have got you involved because the truth is, I don't even really care about this picture, it's a little out of focus. It was probably an accident, right? Like...
43591 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6516 Oscar That's no accident.
43592 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6516 Jim Right. You're right. So maybe it was me who did it...by accident.
43593 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6516 Phyllis What?
43594 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6516 Oscar What?
43595 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6516 Jim I'll figure it out, get to the bottom of it....Merry merry.
43596 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6517 Dwight Enough of this garbage. This is Christmas. Hi-yah!!!!! Yeah!!!! Christmas!!!!
43597 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6518 Jim You alright, Santa?
43598 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6518 Andy You know those movies where two friends are sleeping together and it's like, hey, can they stay friends?
43599 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6518 Jim Yes.
43600 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6518 Andy Do you think two friends who are not sleeping together can stay friends?
43601 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6518 Jim Two friends who are not sleeping together, can they remain friends? Yes, yeah.
43602 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6518 Andy No...I don't, hmm, I don't know.
43603 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6518 Jim OK.
43604 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6518 Andy By the way, I'm not gonna mess with you and Dwight's bonuses. I think it's causing more problems. So just be yourselves, have fun, and try not to let it affect your work.
43605 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6518 Jim Alright. I will definitely do that.
43606 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6518 Andy Alright, I'll tell Dwight.
43607 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6518 Jim You know what? You're sitting, and thinking, and it's probably better if it comes from me anyway.
43608 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6518 Andy Christmas miracles do happen.
43609 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6518 Jim Yes. They totally do.
43610 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6519 Ryan You can't click on these Kardashian links, that's why you have so many viruses.
43611 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6519 Kelly Well help me, OK? Just, uh take...
43612 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6519 Ryan I'm trying but you need to-
43613 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6519 Erin Hey.
43614 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6519 Kelly Yo.
43615 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6519 Erin Game on.
43616 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6519 Kelly On it.
43617 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6520 Jessica I don't know what I was thinking, it was awful...
43618 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6520 Kelly Jessica, did you just fart?
43619 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6521 Kelly And that, is how it's done.
43620 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6522 Erin I would like another alcohol.
43621 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6522 Robert Let's you and I take a walk. Oscar, you're in charge of the bar.
43622 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6522 Oscar What? I haven't bar tended in forever. Oh, never considered myself a mixologist, oh this is daunting. Um, I need a mortar, pestle, muddler..does anyone have any chocolate shavings?
43623 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6523 Robert Your heart is broken. So is mine.
43624 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6523 Erin And...
43625 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6523 Robert And what?
43626 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6523 Erin And you have any advice or anything?
43627 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6523 Robert No my god.
43628 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6523 Erin ...Help me feel better...
43629 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6523 Robert I've been married thrice and each has ended in an acrimonious divorce, I'm not sure I'm the best person to give love advice....I was hoping you were gonna make me feel better.
43630 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6524 Nate When you do your makeup,
43631 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6524 Jessica Uh huh.
43632 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6524 Nate How long you, does it take usually? Cause...
43633 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6524 Jessica Um, it ta-, um it depends.
43634 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6525 Toby .....Chad Flendermen's kryptonite.
43635 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6525 Creed Whoa. We got a real Clarence Thomas here.
43636 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6525 Darryl Hi.
43637 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6526 Jessica I'll see you at home?
43638 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6526 Andy OK great.
43639 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6526 Jessica OK
43640 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6526 Andy Perfect.
43641 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6526 Jessica Bye ...I still don't get why you can't just call her a cab and pay for it.
43642 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6526 Andy I would, it just, that wasn't the holiday wish.
43643 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6526 Jessica Oh
43644 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6526 Meredith Either he drives or I drive. Now I'm drunk and mad.
43645 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6526 Jessica OK Bye.
43646 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6526 Andy OK, bye. Alright Meredith,
43647 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6526 Meredith Thank you Santa.
43648 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6526 Andy You bet.
43649 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6527 Andy Thank god Erin's getting a ride home with Robert because she is trashed. and who better to drive her home than Robert, I mean, what a stand up guy, you know? I mean he's going through a lot, separating from his wife, showing up to the Christmas party in a track suit and a blazer,
43650 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6528 Andy Let's go, let's go.
43651 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6528 Meredith I know, I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming.
43652 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6528 Andy Hang on.
43653 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6528 Meredith Alright.
43654 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6528 Andy What?
43655 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6528 Meredith Whoa! My stuff!
43656 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6528 Andy What is all that?
43657 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6528 Meredith It's my valuables!
43658 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6528 Andy It's junk!
43659 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6528 Meredith This is my treasures, no they're my treasures!
43660 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6528 Andy You're a hoarder. My god!
43661 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6528 Meredith No I'm not, I'm gonna sell it on Ebay! No no no, you be careful. Be careful.
43662 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6528 Andy Ah! My Santa suit's stuck.
43663 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6528 Dwight What are we gonna do with all that bonus money, Henrietta? Huh?
43664 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6529 Meredith Where are we? This ain't my street.
43665 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6529 Andy Sh, sh, sh, sh, shh.
43666 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6529 Meredith Ah, this is the posh part of town, huh?
43667 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6529 Andy Oh my god.
43668 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6529 Meredith Wonder what a studio condo would cost in this neighborhood?
43669 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6529 Andy Meredith, shut your drunk hole right now.
43670 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6529 Robert Erin, it was great fun tonight. Take a few aspirin and a whole lot of water, sleep in in the morning.
43671 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6529 Erin Thank you, goodnight.
43672 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6529 Meredith What are you smiling for? You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
43673 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6529 Andy I'm sure I am not. Let's get you home.
43674 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6529 Meredith Ow! Take it easy.
43675 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6529 Andy Whoo.
43676 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6530 Dwight Ah, man. Ah, fell asleep, took a nap. Hey guys, ah I feel refreshed now. How's it goin?
43677 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6530 Oscar Dwight.
43678 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6530 Dwight Took a little nap right next to Jim's desk. I feel so good right now. Mmm, cookies. What's everyone staring at?
43679 8 10 Christmas Wishes 6531 Jim Oh man, I was supposed to tell Dwight something......C'mon, Jim. I got nothin'.
43680 8 11 Trivia 6532 Kevin Oh yeah!
43681 8 11 Trivia 6532 All Aw!
43682 8 11 Trivia 6532 Dwight Knew it! I knew it! Soon as I heard that wrapper.
43683 8 11 Trivia 6532 Oscar You really have to say "oh yeah" every time you eat a candy bar?
43684 8 11 Trivia 6532 Kevin I can't help it, Oscar. It's just really good. Oh yeah!
43685 8 11 Trivia 6532 Jim All right, not bad at all. I think we can beat 20 minutes though so let's try again. Get it all out now if you have to.
43686 8 11 Trivia 6532 Andy It was a raccoon! Eating a hamburger like a person!
43687 8 11 Trivia 6532 Dwight You need to stop banging your pen on your desk or it's going to drive me insane.
43688 8 11 Trivia 6532 Jim Okay, done.
43689 8 11 Trivia 6532 Erin Does anyone have a first aid kit?
43690 8 11 Trivia 6532 Darryl Check out this song I wrote: I'ma love you downstairs tonight...
43691 8 11 Trivia 6532 Jim All right, here we go! Everybody get read in three, two, good luck, one-
43692 8 11 Trivia 6533 Andy Love letters, yes! I love it. What else can be done with paper?
43693 8 11 Trivia 6533 Jim You can write a book about chairs.
43694 8 11 Trivia 6533 Andy Books! Excellent, Jim.
43695 8 11 Trivia 6533 Oscar Andy, please! Please, just stop. You can do infinite things with paper-
43696 8 11 Trivia 6533 Andy Shh! Did you hear that? Infinity! There is an infinity of things that you can do with paper! Now, who wants to buy some paper?
43697 8 11 Trivia 6533 Jim Very nice. Very nice sales pitch for our clients that don't know what paper is.
43698 8 11 Trivia 6533 Andy I'm talking about you guys! Who in this room, right now, wants to buy some paper? Let's get high on our own supply!
43699 8 11 Trivia 6533 Angela Andy, you want us to buy our own paper?
43700 8 11 Trivia 6533 Andy Yes!
43701 8 11 Trivia 6534 Andy Robert said that we needed to double our sales growth to eight percent by the end of the quarter. That's today. And we're eight hundred and thirty dollars short. And I can't afford to keep buying paper from us. So today, we need to sell eight hundred and thirty dollars of paper and the next quarter I need to sell the twenty-two hundred dollars of paper that's in my garage.
43702 8 11 Trivia 6535 Dwight Animals, machines, vast virtual armies. All of these things I have successfully managed. The only thing I haven't managed is people. I saw an ad on the Sabre website for an open manager position in their printers division. I spoke to Robert California about it and he said for me to come by and see him sometime. So, like a Spanish conquistador, I have come to Florida to claim what is rightfully mine.
43703 8 11 Trivia 6536 Dwight Dwight Schrute for Robert California!
43704 8 11 Trivia 6536 Receptionist Oh, hello Mr. Schrute. I'll tell him you're here. Can I get you anything at all?
43705 8 11 Trivia 6536 Dwight I'm not here to be given anything. I'm here to take what is mine.
43706 8 11 Trivia 6536 Receptionist Ooh. I'm glad you're on our team. Here, please have a seat.
43707 8 11 Trivia 6536 Gabe Dwight? What are you doing here?
43708 8 11 Trivia 6536 Dwight Gabe? You don't know?
43709 8 11 Trivia 6536 Gabe Course I know.
43710 8 11 Trivia 6536 Dwight Hmm. Impressive office you have here. Surrounded by shrubbery, like a squirrel's office.
43711 8 11 Trivia 6537 Gabe Corporate says to me, "Gabe, we need you in Scranton." Scranton says, "Gabe, go back down to Florida. You're needed there." So, Tuesdays and Thursdays, I'm up there. Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I'm down here. I can think of no better way to confront my deathly fear of flying.
43712 8 11 Trivia 6538 Robert Dwight.
43713 8 11 Trivia 6538 Dwight Robert.
43714 8 11 Trivia 6538 Robert You made it.
43715 8 11 Trivia 6538 Dwight Yes.
43716 8 11 Trivia 6538 Robert Impressive initiative. I don't know what's worse, the trip or the destination. Well, uh, let me settle in and I'll be with you shortly.
43717 8 11 Trivia 6538 Dwight Very good.
43718 8 11 Trivia 6539 Andy Hey C-span. So my dad says an accountant can really help you out, if they're willing to "play ball." Those were his words.
43719 8 11 Trivia 6539 Oscar Gosh, Andy, you had a great quarter. Okay? Robert will understand. Eight hundred dollars is a rounding error!
43720 8 11 Trivia 6539 Andy So make that error!
43721 8 11 Trivia 6539 Oscar Andy, no-
43722 8 11 Trivia 6539 Kevin Hey! I can make that error.
43723 8 11 Trivia 6539 Oscar Aw...
43724 8 11 Trivia 6539 Andy Well, it's just, I know that making errors sounds like your kind of thing, but it's a little more complicated than that.
43725 8 11 Trivia 6539 Kevin No, I-
43726 8 11 Trivia 6539 Andy It's just, I really need a real accountant on this. What do you say?
43727 8 11 Trivia 6539 Oscar I'm leaving early today because tonight I have a trivia contest in Philadelphia.
43728 8 11 Trivia 6539 Andy Oh.
43729 8 11 Trivia 6539 Oscar Any other crunch time, I would love to stay in, cook the books for you so you can save face in front of your CEO, but tonight is Triviocalypse!
43730 8 11 Trivia 6539 Andy What?
43731 8 11 Trivia 6539 Oscar It's only the biggest night of trivia of the year. There's a thousand dollar prize. I'm committed to my friends, they're committed to me.
43732 8 11 Trivia 6539 Andy You know what? Go. Have fun.
43733 8 11 Trivia 6540 Andy There's a trivia contest at a bar in Philadelphia.
43734 8 11 Trivia 6540 Jim Stop right there. I love it.
43735 8 11 Trivia 6540 Darryl I'm in.
43736 8 11 Trivia 6540 Andy I didn't even say what it is.
43737 8 11 Trivia 6540 Darryl It's trivia.
43738 8 11 Trivia 6540 Jim In Philadelphia.
43739 8 11 Trivia 6540 Andy But here's the best part. The prize is a thousand dollars, and if we win, we can use that money to buy paper here, close the gap on our eight percent profit increase...
43740 8 11 Trivia 6540 Jim That's a great idea.
43741 8 11 Trivia 6540 Darryl That's a great plan.
43742 8 11 Trivia 6540 Andy Yeah? You like it?
43743 8 11 Trivia 6540 Jim Yeah.
43744 8 11 Trivia 6540 Andy All right.
43745 8 11 Trivia 6540 Jim All right, good stuff.
43746 8 11 Trivia 6540 Andy I'm so psyched you guys are into it because I thought- I was like, "this sounds really stupid."
43747 8 11 Trivia 6540 Darryl You just made a good idea, a great idea.
43748 8 11 Trivia 6540 Andy There is one problem with this plan.
43749 8 11 Trivia 6540 Darryl What?
43750 8 11 Trivia 6540 Andy We'd have to leave work, like, right now, to do this.
43751 8 11 Trivia 6541 Gabe You can reduce your prices by ten percent or we're going to be finding a new source for our morning bagels. All right.
43752 8 11 Trivia 6541 Dwight Gabe, I always wondered what it is you did around here. Now I found out. You're the bagel guy.
43753 8 11 Trivia 6541 Gabe Yeah. But not just bagels. All unwanted problems. Question: What's the most important appliance in your house?
43754 8 11 Trivia 6541 Dwight Meat grinder.
43755 8 11 Trivia 6541 Gabe Too slow. It's the toilet. And I am the toilet of this office. I flush away annoying problems so others can keep their hands clean. And, just like a toilet, I am essential.
43756 8 11 Trivia 6541 Dwight You know, Gabe? You could have gone with garbage disposal, incinerator or eraser, and instead you chose toilet. God bless you. You're an American classic.
43757 8 11 Trivia 6541 Robert Dwight. Today is not my day at all, I'm afraid. I'm not going to be able to meet with you, but I'm leaving you in the very capable hands of our COO.
43758 8 11 Trivia 6541 Dwight But I can give you this pitch in one minute-
43759 8 11 Trivia 6541 Robert No, he's going to meet with you later. No, no, no. I don't want you to rush it, okay? Trust me. Meet with Bill. He's a great person to know. I'll dialogue with him tonight.
43760 8 11 Trivia 6541 Gabe CEO to COO. What a difference a letter makes.
43761 8 11 Trivia 6541 Dwight Still an important position. Still a chief.
43762 8 11 Trivia 6541 Gabe You're really going to like Bill. He, uh, he has me toilet a lot of people for him. Hallway phone, Gabe Lewis speaking.
43763 8 11 Trivia 6541 Robert Gabe, listen to me. Don't bother Bill with this. He has to go put out a fire on the home front. Just wait twenty minutes and then I want you to listen to Dwight's pitch. Make him feel valued. Make him feel heard.
43764 8 11 Trivia 6541 Gabe Your wish is my command.
43765 8 11 Trivia 6541 Robert It's a command.
43766 8 11 Trivia 6542 Oscar I don't believe this. What are you doing here, Andy?
43767 8 11 Trivia 6542 Andy You left us no choice, but, this should put a smile on your face. How would you like to be captain of the Dunder-Mifflin team? Although I reserve the right to overrule you.
43768 8 11 Trivia 6542 Oscar What? No!
43769 8 11 Trivia 6542 Andy I've got a quota to hit. I don't care how I hit it.
43770 8 11 Trivia 6542 Oscar And you guys thought this was a good idea?
43771 8 11 Trivia 6542 Jim I thought it was a fun idea.
43772 8 11 Trivia 6542 Darryl There were times on the two and a half hour drive when I experienced doubt. That's the thing about long drives, you know, you're always going to- this is a gay bar.
43773 8 11 Trivia 6542 Andy Wait, what? Everyone in here is gay?
43774 8 11 Trivia 6542 Oscar Yes! It's a gay bar! So you guys want to go home now?
43775 8 11 Trivia 6542 All No. Nah.
43776 8 11 Trivia 6542 Oscar What does this say about you? That you followed me here? That you think you're going to win your sales quota? At a gay bar's trivia night?
43777 8 11 Trivia 6542 Andy It says that I believe that my staff's intelligence and that I'm willing to try anything. Not anything.
43778 8 11 Trivia 6542 Oscar Good luck.
43779 8 11 Trivia 6542 Andy Uh, all right. We need to divide up into teams, but it's winner-take-all so no need to divide evenly. We need an A-team, a backup team and a just-have-fun team. So you guys all know yourselves.
43780 8 11 Trivia 6542 Meredith Good-timers follow me.
43781 8 11 Trivia 6542 Phyllis Backups.
43782 8 11 Trivia 6542 Stanley Go on, kid. You know you don't belong here.
43783 8 11 Trivia 6542 Andy A-team.
43784 8 11 Trivia 6542 Jim Okay.
43785 8 11 Trivia 6542 Andy All right, everybody. Nice self-awareness. Except...
43786 8 11 Trivia 6542 Kevin Okay.
43787 8 11 Trivia 6542 Jim There's a table over here.
43788 8 11 Trivia 6543 Host All right, first question everyone: Ray Charles famously had this state on his mind. What is its capital?
43789 8 11 Trivia 6543 Andy Oh, we got this!
43790 8 11 Trivia 6543 Creed Let's reverse engineer this. You're a black singer. Where do you go? Somewhere where you're a novelty. Alaska?
43791 8 11 Trivia 6543 Stanley Atlanta.
43792 8 11 Trivia 6543 Phyllis Oh I know you think that, because that's where the Olympics were held.
43793 8 11 Trivia 6543 Cathy My cousins were actually at those Olympics.
43794 8 11 Trivia 6543 Stanley Keep talking all you want.
43795 8 11 Trivia 6543 Kevin How am I supposed to know what was on his mind? Ooh, what do blind people think about?
43796 8 11 Trivia 6543 Erin Okay, dogs, canes, signs, manholes, stairs, piano, darkness.
43797 8 11 Trivia 6543 Host Okay, time's up. Let's get the boards up. "Atlanta, Georgia" is the correct answer.
43798 8 11 Trivia 6544 Gabe Hey man, uh, look. Unfortunately, Bill had to go fight a fire, so your appointment got-
43799 8 11 Trivia 6544 Dwight There's no fires within eight miles of here.
43800 8 11 Trivia 6544 Gabe Well, it's nine miles away. I'm going to be meeting with you on his behalf.
43801 8 11 Trivia 6544 Dwight What? No, no. Excuse me! Lady! Get anyone from the COO's office on the phone this instant!
43802 8 11 Trivia 6544 Receptionist This must be very frustrating.
43803 8 11 Trivia 6544 Gabe I can see you in the jungle now.
43804 8 11 Trivia 6545 Host Okay, now, you're not an all-star of the NBA, but you did get your game on when you won the NBA's Sixth Man of the Year award in 2011. Who are you?
43805 8 11 Trivia 6545 Andy Jim, Darryl. Your time to shine.
43806 8 11 Trivia 6545 Jim Shawn Marion.
43807 8 11 Trivia 6545 Darryl Yes, Shawn Marion.
43808 8 11 Trivia 6545 Ryan That doesn't sound right. I want to say, LaDameon Washington.
43809 8 11 Trivia 6545 Jim Wrong, for so many reasons.
43810 8 11 Trivia 6545 Phyllis Well, I know Elizabeth Taylor's sixth man was Richard Burton. Is that helpful?
43811 8 11 Trivia 6545 Stanley That's it. I'm going to go watch the boats on the river.
43812 8 11 Trivia 6545 Kevin Ron Artest, Kelly.
43813 8 11 Trivia 6545 Kelly No, it's Lamar Odom. If it'd been Ron Artest, it would have come up in Dancing with the Stars, when they pan over his trophy case when he's at home with his family. Lamar winning Sixth Man was a big storyline on Chloe and Lamar.
43814 8 11 Trivia 6545 Host All right, boards up. Let's see who got it. "Lamar Odom" is what we were looking for. "Lamar Odom" Thank you.
43815 8 11 Trivia 6545 Jim Oh my God. Lamar Odom, yes.
43816 8 11 Trivia 6545 Kevin Nicely done!
43817 8 11 Trivia 6545 Andy You're my sports guys! You're ESPN, you're ESPN Classic, Ryan is MSNBC. I'm E!, TLC and Oxygen.
43818 8 11 Trivia 6545 Darryl Chill, man. This plan is airtight.
43819 8 11 Trivia 6546 Dwight So it's a very simple argument of why I should be put in charge of southeast printer sales. Nobody has sold more printers in the northeast than me. Bottom line, I know the product. I get it!
43820 8 11 Trivia 6546 Receptionist Well, you got my vote.
43821 8 11 Trivia 6546 Dwight Oh my God.
43822 8 11 Trivia 6546 Gabe I know.
43823 8 11 Trivia 6546 Dwight Most of all, I believe that character is destiny. And my character is one that- wait why are you smiling?
43824 8 11 Trivia 6546 Gabe What?
43825 8 11 Trivia 6546 Dwight What's with the smile?
43826 8 11 Trivia 6546 Gabe You're doing great. You know, so good.
43827 8 11 Trivia 6546 Dwight And my character is one that will never give up until greatness is on the horizon, behind us.
43828 8 11 Trivia 6546 Gabe Dwight, that was a fantastic presentation. Put your hand on my hand. Flush! Ow!
43829 8 11 Trivia 6546 Dwight Take me to Robert.
43830 8 11 Trivia 6546 Gabe Ow! He went home.
43831 8 11 Trivia 6546 Dwight Take me to his house.
43832 8 11 Trivia 6546 Gabe Uh, it's a condo and it's long-term business housing.
43833 8 11 Trivia 6546 Dwight You know where it is. Lead me there.
43834 8 11 Trivia 6546 Gabe Ow! Ow! Stephanie, help!
43835 8 11 Trivia 6546 Dwight Listen, you're a perfectly fine toilet. I'm just an extraordinary piece of crap. Let's go.
43836 8 11 Trivia 6547 Host Excuse me, sir, on the Dunder-Mifflin A-team? Excuse me, sir?
43837 8 11 Trivia 6547 Ryan Yeah?
43838 8 11 Trivia 6547 Host I'm sure you're just checking your Grindr account... but you can't check smart phones during trivia, it's against the rules.
43839 8 11 Trivia 6547 Ryan Okay, I'm turning it off.
43840 8 11 Trivia 6547 Host Okay, you're not turning it off.
43841 8 11 Trivia 6547 Ryan I won't look at it.
43842 8 11 Trivia 6547 Host Sir?
43843 8 11 Trivia 6547 Ryan I can't- I can't not touch it.
43844 8 11 Trivia 6547 Host Okay, then we're going to have to take it away. Thank you.
43845 8 11 Trivia 6547 Ryan Look, I can't, I can't not have my phone. I'm sorry. I want to be with my phone.
43846 8 11 Trivia 6547 Host All right, guys. After nine rounds, let's check the scores. In first place, with nine points, it's Aesop's Foibles. The Queerenstein Bears have seven points. Dunder-Mifflin A-Team has four points.
43847 8 11 Trivia 6547 Jim All right.
43848 8 11 Trivia 6547 Host D.M. Backup Team has three points. The Einsteins have eight points. Ladies Gaga have five points.
43849 8 11 Trivia 6547 Andy So the best chance of hitting our mark is now in the hands, and brains, of Kevin, Meredith, Erin and Kelly. Do I like these odds? My answer is no.
43850 8 11 Trivia 6548 Dwight Which one is it?
43851 8 11 Trivia 6548 Gabe I don't know. All I know is the building.
43852 8 11 Trivia 6548 Dwight Robert! Robert California! Robert!
43853 8 11 Trivia 6548 Robert Dwight! How nice of Gabe to show you where I live. Come around. 102.
43854 8 11 Trivia 6549 Host All right guys, time's up. Who was the relatively unknown patent clerk who discovered that energy equals mass times the speed of light squared? Looks like everyone gets a point for Albert Einstein. Oh wait. Except for the Einsteins. That's all right. Which means the top three teams are going to finish it off in the speed round. So let's get everyone some bells. In third place we have the Einsteins.
43855 8 11 Trivia 6549 Kevin Oh yeah!
43856 8 11 Trivia 6549 Kelly What!
43857 8 11 Trivia 6549 Host In second place, we have the Queerenstein Bears.
43858 8 11 Trivia 6549 Queerenstein Bears Whoo! Let's go!
43859 8 11 Trivia 6549 Host And, in first place, is Aesop's Foibles.
43860 8 11 Trivia 6549 Oscar's friend Whoo!
43861 8 11 Trivia 6549 Darryl Yeah, we're going to get clobbered.
43862 8 11 Trivia 6549 Host Ring it in when you know it. First question: This man had a fatwa declared on him when- Einsteins?
43863 8 11 Trivia 6549 Meredith What?
43864 8 11 Trivia 6549 Erin What is it?
43865 8 11 Trivia 6549 Meredith What?
43866 8 11 Trivia 6549 Erin I did my part, babe. I'm just the bell girl.
43867 8 11 Trivia 6549 Host Aesop's?
43868 8 11 Trivia 6549 Oscar Salman Rushdie.
43869 8 11 Trivia 6549 Host Salman Rushdie is correct. Heading out to sea, sailors. On a square-rigged ship, the sale set furthest forward is called what?
43870 8 11 Trivia 6549 Meredith Princess Ding-Dong, do not hit that bell unless-
43871 8 11 Trivia 6549 Erin Flying jib.
43872 8 11 Trivia 6549 Host Flying jib is correct for the Einsteins.
43873 8 11 Trivia 6550 Robert Shalom. Give us just a minute. Stu and I are just finishing up our lesson. Trust me. One nine-minute bout is a cardiovascular equivalent of running uphill for three hours. I could go to the gym three times a week or I can wrestle Stu once a month.
43874 8 11 Trivia 6550 Stu Grab my knee!
43875 8 11 Trivia 6550 Gabe Yay Robert!
43876 8 11 Trivia 6550 Robert Guys, please help yourself to some drinks from the fridge.
43877 8 11 Trivia 6551 Host According to a recent survey, this is the most common learning disability among American adolescents.
43878 8 11 Trivia 6551 Oscar's friend Boom! ADHD!
43879 8 11 Trivia 6551 Host No.
43880 8 11 Trivia 6551 Meredith Wrong. The answer is dyslexia!
43881 8 11 Trivia 6551 Host That's correct for the Einsteins.
43882 8 11 Trivia 6551 Andy Whoo! Yeah!
43883 8 11 Trivia 6551 Host Sir-
43884 8 11 Trivia 6551 Andy Go Einsteins!
43885 8 11 Trivia 6551 Host Dial it back, this isn't Tail Feathers, okay?
43886 8 11 Trivia 6552 Robert They haven't really improved on the Oreo, have they?
43887 8 11 Trivia 6552 Dwight No thank you.
43888 8 11 Trivia 6552 Robert Sit down, Dwight.
43889 8 11 Trivia 6552 Dwight Let me tell you why I should be the next manager with a riddle: A manager, a salesman, a leader and a warrior walk into a restaurant. The hostess says, "table for one?" How is this possible?
43890 8 11 Trivia 6552 Robert You were dining alone? All those people are you?
43891 8 11 Trivia 6552 Dwight Yes, exactly. Riddle number two: Who is going-
43892 8 11 Trivia 6552 Robert Ah-ah-ah- your drive, your ambition. It would be wasted on a manager's job. And Florida, you don't want to live here. Even I don't want to live here. That's why I'm always at my place in Scranton. Florida is America's basement: It's wet, it's filled with mold, strange insects, alligators. Alligators are dinosaurs, Dwight. You know that, right?
43893 8 11 Trivia 6552 Dwight N... it's complicated.
43894 8 11 Trivia 6552 Robert This medal was my grandfather's. He received it for acts of courage. For excellence. It's a tribute one man gives another. I could give you a job, Dwight. Why not let me give you something even better?
43895 8 11 Trivia 6552 Dwight It's a job interview, not a flea market.
43896 8 11 Trivia 6552 Robert Dwight, the job is not right for you. Now, when something comes along that is right for you, I'll try you out. Now get the hell out of my place.
43897 8 11 Trivia 6552 Dwight Yes.
43898 8 11 Trivia 6553 Host Final round. Last two teams squaring off. I hope you're ready to play doctor. Our question is about health and the human body.
43899 8 11 Trivia 6553 Andy Oh, come on!
43900 8 11 Trivia 6553 Host The standard American analog scale has a maximum capacity of what weight?
43901 8 11 Trivia 6553 Kevin Three hundred pounds!
43902 8 11 Trivia 6553 Host Point for the Einsteins. Here's your final question. Cinephiles, put on your memory berets: This 2001 masterpiece from Gilles Paquet-Brenner explores the intricate dynamics of a family in disarray.
43903 8 11 Trivia 6553 Oscar Le titre du film est Le Scaphandre et le Papillon.
43904 8 11 Trivia 6553 Oscar's friend Yes!
43905 8 11 Trivia 6553 Host I'm sorry, no. Over to the Einsteins.
43906 8 11 Trivia 6553 Kevin Les Jolies Choses.
43907 8 11 Trivia 6553 Meredith Are you sure?
43908 8 11 Trivia 6553 Kevin Marie Cotillard exposes herself a number of times in that film.
43909 8 11 Trivia 6553 Host The Einsteins win it!
43910 8 11 Trivia 6553 Oscar No! Come on!
43911 8 11 Trivia 6554 Kevin Look, I know it's easy to say tonight was just a fluke, and maybe it was, but here's a piece of trivia: a fluke is one of the most common fish in the sea. So if you go fishing for a fluke, chances are, you just might catch one.
43912 8 11 Trivia 6555 Stonewall Host Welcome to the Stonewall Alliance Trivia Championships! First prize is forty-five hundred dollars!
43913 8 11 Trivia 6555 Kevin Let's just do our thing, collect our hardware and get the hell home.
43914 8 11 Trivia 6556 Stonewall Host Riboflavin.
43915 8 11 Trivia 6556 Kevin Riboflavin?
43916 8 11 Trivia 6556 Stonewall Host Michigan. The President of the United States is "P.O.T.U.S." John Steinbeck wrote The Grapes of Wrath.
43917 8 12 Pool Party 6557 Dwight Oh, ugh. What is this, a meatball? Really?
43918 8 12 Pool Party 6558 Jim It's always more fun to mess with Dwight with an audience. That was usually Pam so now that she's out I had to find someone else. Turns out that Stanley is quite the comedy fan. But not everything makes him laugh. He has very specific tastes. Through a painstaking process of trial and error, I've found out what he likes. And it's really weird.
43919 8 12 Pool Party 6559 Dwight Jim, come on! That's so juvenile! What the-
43920 8 12 Pool Party 6559 Stanley You've been meatballed!
43921 8 12 Pool Party 6559 Dwight Ugh.
43922 8 12 Pool Party 6559 Stanley Are you ready for some meatball?
43923 8 12 Pool Party 6559 Dwight Aw, man. This is not very clever, Jim.
43924 8 12 Pool Party 6559 Jim I know.
43925 8 12 Pool Party 6559 Stanley Look for your stapler!
43926 8 12 Pool Party 6559 Dwight Really Jim? Really? Very funny.
43927 8 12 Pool Party 6560 Stanley Oh okay. Good night. What's the haul?
43928 8 12 Pool Party 6560 Dwight Thirty-two meatballs.
43929 8 12 Pool Party 6560 Stanley Good day.
43930 8 12 Pool Party 6561 Dwight That idiot's been feeding us for a week.
43931 8 12 Pool Party 6561 Stanley We'll never have to buy meatballs again.
43932 8 12 Pool Party 6562 Erin Dunder Mifflin. Jessica, hi! How are you? Oh yay, that's so great to hear.
43933 8 12 Pool Party 6563 Erin I'm not going to be one of those exes who can't move on. They have their life and I have mine. I'm taking an Italian class. So far I've learned tortellini, spagettini, linguini... Well it's not so much a class as a restaurant, but I do Monday, Wednesday, Friday from seven to nine.
43934 8 12 Pool Party 6564 Erin I will patch you through right now. You sound really pretty today. Okay.
43935 8 12 Pool Party 6564 Andy Jessica! I love you! That's a message from my mom.
43936 8 12 Pool Party 6565 Andy My parents met Jessica and they completely flipped for her so they gave me this old family ring to use on her. I know, whoa! Pump the breaks, Bernard, too early! I get it. I just, you know, I'm just carrying it around, seeing how it feels. I haven't proposed to anyone in years... Mom took the main diamond out, she thought that had more of a my little brother kind of vibe to it, but...
43937 8 12 Pool Party 6566 Jim Whoa, looks pretty nice. Got a little bit of a Shining vibe, though.
43938 8 12 Pool Party 6566 Oscar Oh, who needs a house that size?
43939 8 12 Pool Party 6566 Dwight Big. Stupid. Pure chump bait.
43940 8 12 Pool Party 6566 Robert I'm selling the house, actually.
43941 8 12 Pool Party 6566 Jim You know, there's a glare from over here... oh wow, that's magnificent.
43942 8 12 Pool Party 6566 Robert It's mid-recession in a depressed area of a faltering state and I've got the most expensive house on the market. The one percent are suffering too, people. I wanted it to be my Playboy mansion. A temple to wine, revelry, s*x, intrigue... this was hot on the heels of Eyes Wide Shut, mind you. Then I met my wife, she moved in, made it her own. Now she's left me and forced me to sell the place. The ultimate insult? They're calling my speakeasy lounge a rumpus room. Does my turmoil amuse you, Jim?
43943 8 12 Pool Party 6566 Jim I'm sorry, I thought you were making a joke.
43944 8 12 Pool Party 6566 Robert What could you possibly have found funny in what I said? What was the joke you thought you heard?
43945 8 12 Pool Party 6566 Jim I guess I thought you were approaching it with more of a sarcasm than misery. Kind of laughing at your own pain, sad clown thing.
43946 8 12 Pool Party 6566 Robert Oh yes. How hilarious it is to laugh at clowns, the painted jesters of the dying circus industry. Very funny, Jim. I get it.
43947 8 12 Pool Party 6566 Andy Um, I'm getting reports of a serious outbreak of the grumpies in here.
43948 8 12 Pool Party 6566 Robert A beautiful monster cost me my forties and my dream home. I think I'm entitled to the occasional bad day.
43949 8 12 Pool Party 6566 Andy Well, please tell Susan we all say hi.
43950 8 12 Pool Party 6566 Kevin Dude, what if, since you're feeling grumpy, we all swing by tonight and check out your indoor pool?
43951 8 12 Pool Party 6566 Oscar Kevin, no.
43952 8 12 Pool Party 6566 Robert What, as some sort of last hoorah?
43953 8 12 Pool Party 6566 Kevin Yeah. All of us in the pool, saying hoorah. Maybe the last one that says hoorah is it.
43954 8 12 Pool Party 6566 Robert You know I suppose someone should enjoy the place before I hand it over to the staging experts at Remax tomorrow. Let's try this: everyone, tonight, my house, wear a swimsuit. Let's just call it a get-together. And let's say no food.
43955 8 12 Pool Party 6566 Kevin Hey Oscar, was that you who just created a party out of thin air or was it me?
43956 8 12 Pool Party 6566 Oscar That was you, Kevin.
43957 8 12 Pool Party 6566 Kevin It was me.
43958 8 12 Pool Party 6567 Meredith You going tonight, kiddo? Cause I can give you a lift.
43959 8 12 Pool Party 6567 Erin Oh, I don't know, Meredith. It seems like you shouldn't drive maybe ever.
43960 8 12 Pool Party 6567 Meredith It's no problem. You live right near me.
43961 8 12 Pool Party 6567 Erin How do you know where I live?
43962 8 12 Pool Party 6567 Meredith Andy followed you home after the Christmas party.
43963 8 12 Pool Party 6567 Erin Why?
43964 8 12 Pool Party 6567 Meredith He wanted to make sure California didn't put it in you.
43965 8 12 Pool Party 6567 Erin Oh. Come on.
43966 8 12 Pool Party 6568 Erin Wow. Andy's such a weird stalker. Following me home like that when he has a girlfriend? I should get a restraining order.
43967 8 12 Pool Party 6569 Angela Oh, it is warm.
43968 8 12 Pool Party 6569 Cathy It's almost too warm.
43969 8 12 Pool Party 6569 Gabe I'm feeling eighty-two, eighty-two and a half.
43970 8 12 Pool Party 6569 Ryan Oh, so close. Eighty-one.
43971 8 12 Pool Party 6569 Gabe Well, we'll say its eight-two and it'll be our secret.
43972 8 12 Pool Party 6569 Cathy Hey, late guy.
43973 8 12 Pool Party 6569 Jim Hey. Wow. Just stopping by. Got another party to go to. A wife and two kids at home party.
43974 8 12 Pool Party 6569 Andy Oh.
43975 8 12 Pool Party 6569 Jim DJ Pam Halpert is spinning some serious Radio Disney tonight.
43976 8 12 Pool Party 6570 Jim You're looking at the master of leaving parties early. They key is, you have to make a strong impression, so you want to have a picture taken, you want to say some peculiar non sequitur that people remember, you want to note something unique, a talking point, for later. I don't mean to brag, but New Year's Eve, I was home by nine.
43977 8 12 Pool Party 6571 Jim Robert, just wanted to grab you one second. This place is amazing, by the way.
43978 8 12 Pool Party 6571 Robert You should see the whole thing.
43979 8 12 Pool Party 6571 Jim I bet I should. That's beautiful, I'm going to email that to you.
43980 8 12 Pool Party 6571 Robert I'm just about to give the tour.
43981 8 12 Pool Party 6571 Jim All right-
43982 8 12 Pool Party 6571 Robert Join us. You must see what you were laughing about.
43983 8 12 Pool Party 6571 Jim I must...
43984 8 12 Pool Party 6572 Jessica Wow.
43985 8 12 Pool Party 6572 Andy Yeah, it's pretty serious poolage.
43986 8 12 Pool Party 6572 Jessica What are you doing?
43987 8 12 Pool Party 6572 Andy Hmm? Flicking a bug off my wiener.
43988 8 12 Pool Party 6572 Jessica Gross. I'm getting a drink. Do you want anything?
43989 8 12 Pool Party 6572 Andy No, I'm good.
43990 8 12 Pool Party 6572 Erin Funny how we can be surrounded by people and still feel so lonely. Hi.
43991 8 12 Pool Party 6572 Andy Hi.
43992 8 12 Pool Party 6572 Erin How is everything? How's your car?
43993 8 12 Pool Party 6572 Andy It's great. You know. Reliable. Great mileage.
43994 8 12 Pool Party 6572 Erin Is that so? How about this weekend we take that sucker to a duck pond or something? Maybe get caught in the rain?
43995 8 12 Pool Party 6572 Andy Well, I can't. I'm going skiing with Jessica. you know, a couple of dopes on the slopes.
43996 8 12 Pool Party 6572 Erin Oh, like a goodbye trip.
43997 8 12 Pool Party 6572 Andy No. What?
43998 8 12 Pool Party 6572 Jessica Hey.
43999 8 12 Pool Party 6572 Erin Hi.
44000 8 12 Pool Party 6573 Erin I guess Andy isn't totally over his current girlfriend. But, if he was jealous once before then maybe I can make him jealous again. Just not with Robert. He told me he was a ride I wouldn't survive, and I believe him.
44001 8 12 Pool Party 6574 Darryl Val. You made it.
44002 8 12 Pool Party 6574 Val Yup, yup.
44003 8 12 Pool Party 6574 Darryl Uh oh, look at this. Red plastic cup, red plastic cup. How about that?
44004 8 12 Pool Party 6574 Val You know, you are just as dumb at night.
44005 8 12 Pool Party 6574 Darryl Mmm.
44006 8 12 Pool Party 6574 Andy All right, theres- this would be no problem. I could swim under, one breath.
44007 8 12 Pool Party 6574 Jessica No, show me.
44008 8 12 Pool Party 6574 Andy Okay.
44009 8 12 Pool Party 6574 Jessica Dive in right here.
44010 8 12 Pool Party 6574 Andy In a minute. In a minute.
44011 8 12 Pool Party 6574 Jessica Okay. You don't know what you're doing.
44012 8 12 Pool Party 6574 Andy A minute would be cool.
44013 8 12 Pool Party 6574 Erin Hey, Dwight Snoot.
44014 8 12 Pool Party 6574 Dwight What-
44015 8 12 Pool Party 6574 Erin What you doing?
44016 8 12 Pool Party 6574 Dwight I'm relaxing. Scram.
44017 8 12 Pool Party 6574 Erin Ow.
44018 8 12 Pool Party 6574 Andy Hey, Stanley. Um, what happened to my pants?
44019 8 12 Pool Party 6574 Stanley I moved them. Pants only need a chair if there's a person in them.
44020 8 12 Pool Party 6574 Andy Where...
44021 8 12 Pool Party 6574 Erin Come on, don't you want to play?
44022 8 12 Pool Party 6574 Dwight Oh really?
44023 8 12 Pool Party 6574 Erin Yeah.
44024 8 12 Pool Party 6574 Dwight Yeah, you want to play you little hick?
44025 8 12 Pool Party 6574 Kevin Whoa.
44026 8 12 Pool Party 6574 Angela Dwight! Oh my gosh! Dwight!
44027 8 12 Pool Party 6575 Robert Here we have the parlor. I imagined people would set down their coats and symbolically their inhibitions. This was the gateway. You enter this room a lawyer, a doctor, a teacher, a judge, but beyond it you're simply a pen1s, a v*g1n*, hunger, ache. Susan used it as a Pilates studio.
44028 8 12 Pool Party 6575 Oscar Holy cow!
44029 8 12 Pool Party 6575 Robert Wine collection.
44030 8 12 Pool Party 6575 Oscar How many bottles? Three hundred?
44031 8 12 Pool Party 6575 Robert About twelve hundred. What the hell, grab a bottle. Less inventory for the lawyers.
44032 8 12 Pool Party 6575 Oscar Toby! Chateau Margaux ninety-five. You know your wine.
44033 8 12 Pool Party 6575 Toby Well, and you have a... yes, a- d- another chateau.
44034 8 12 Pool Party 6575 Ryan Robert, you are too kind.
44035 8 12 Pool Party 6575 Robert Oh.
44036 8 12 Pool Party 6575 Gabe Too kind doesn't begin to cover it.
44037 8 12 Pool Party 6575 Ryan With ammunition like this we are in for quite a night, you and me.
44038 8 12 Pool Party 6575 Gabe And Gabe-y makes three.
44039 8 12 Pool Party 6575 Jim Robert, thank you. Thank you for this. Thank you for all this. This night's been magical.
44040 8 12 Pool Party 6575 Robert Jim, come see this next room. I think you especially would like it.
44041 8 12 Pool Party 6575 Jim Really? Why?
44042 8 12 Pool Party 6575 Robert I don't know. Maybe not. Just come.
44043 8 12 Pool Party 6576 Erin Oh!
44044 8 12 Pool Party 6576 Dwight You regret attacking me now, hick? Huh?
44045 8 12 Pool Party 6576 Erin Stop it. Dwight, I was flirting with you. I was trying to use you to make Andy jealous.
44046 8 12 Pool Party 6576 Dwight I'm not going to help you. Why would you choose me? Because I'm mighty? Because I'm the manliest man in the office? I'll do it.
44047 8 12 Pool Party 6576 Erin Oh Dwight!
44048 8 12 Pool Party 6577 Erin Stop.
44049 8 12 Pool Party 6577 Dwight You stop.
44050 8 12 Pool Party 6577 Erin No, you stop.
44051 8 12 Pool Party 6577 Dwight No, you stop.
44052 8 12 Pool Party 6577 Erin Is he looking? Oh. You can stop.
44053 8 12 Pool Party 6577 Dwight Okay, you can stop.
44054 8 12 Pool Party 6577 Erin No, no, no, he's not looking.
44055 8 12 Pool Party 6577 Dwight No, you can stop.
44056 8 12 Pool Party 6577 Erin You can actually stop.
44057 8 12 Pool Party 6577 Kelly Whoa, you guys, I just found this insane engagement ring. Is anyone missing this?
44058 8 12 Pool Party 6577 Meredith The main stone's missing.
44059 8 12 Pool Party 6577 Kelly I don't know. It looks pretty great to me.
44060 8 12 Pool Party 6578 Robert I pictured myself here every night eating a leg of mutton, the juices dripping down my bare chest, wiping my fingers on the walls. Then I met the vegan.
44061 8 12 Pool Party 6578 Jim Good night.
44062 8 12 Pool Party 6578 Oscar To the kitchen!
44063 8 12 Pool Party 6578 All To the kitchen!
44064 8 12 Pool Party 6578 Robert To the kitchen. Onward!
44065 8 12 Pool Party 6578 Oscar Toby, what's compelling about this is the note of persimmon. Right?
44066 8 12 Pool Party 6578 Toby Note? It's a symphony.
44067 8 12 Pool Party 6578 Oscar Okay, you have to join my wine-tasting club.
44068 8 12 Pool Party 6578 Toby I would love that.
44069 8 12 Pool Party 6579 Toby Toby, you are playing a dangerous game. Guess I'm through the gateway now, though, right?
44070 8 12 Pool Party 6580 Darryl You know, I don't think I've ever been in this exact angle before. I was scared at first, but I like it.
44071 8 12 Pool Party 6580 Meredith You guys got to try this pool. No top scum, no band-aids. This thing is choice.
44072 8 12 Pool Party 6580 Val You in?
44073 8 12 Pool Party 6580 Darryl Yeah, sure, sure. I'll be right in.
44074 8 12 Pool Party 6581 Darryl I've been working out. But, the problem is, I've been building muscle underneath. And that top layer hasn't burned off yet. Awkward stage.
44075 8 12 Pool Party 6582 Dwight Ah, mmm. So good. Now take a chip, crush it into my face, really rub the grease around. Do it. Now rub it in. Oh, yeah, that's so good. Ah...
44076 8 12 Pool Party 6582 Erin Andy's not even looking. I think sexy eating is a dead end.
44077 8 12 Pool Party 6582 Dwight Damn it.
44078 8 12 Pool Party 6582 Erin What is the most romantic possible thing?
44079 8 12 Pool Party 6582 Dwight We can get some chicken fights going in the pool.
44080 8 12 Pool Party 6582 Erin Dwight, that's just- that's really perfect. Thank you.
44081 8 12 Pool Party 6582 Both Yes!
44082 8 12 Pool Party 6582 Angela You're in my way!
44083 8 12 Pool Party 6582 Erin Andy, Dwight and I challenge you and Jess to a chicken fight. Winner take all.
44084 8 12 Pool Party 6582 Dwight Chicken fight!
44085 8 12 Pool Party 6582 Andy No thanks.
44086 8 12 Pool Party 6582 Erin Dang it! What the heck already?
44087 8 12 Pool Party 6582 Dwight Hey, Cathy. Chicken fight!
44088 8 12 Pool Party 6582 Cathy Okay, yeah. Who's going to be my partner? Where's Jim?
44089 8 12 Pool Party 6582 Kevin I'm right here! Cold. Cold. Come on, Cath.
44090 8 12 Pool Party 6583 Dwight Yeah- oh!
44091 8 12 Pool Party 6583 Erin Yes! Woo!
44092 8 12 Pool Party 6583 Dwight Woohoo! Yes!
44093 8 12 Pool Party 6583 Erin Dwight, our chemistry is really clicking. We work so well together.
44094 8 12 Pool Party 6583 Dwight I know. I could just bang you right now.
44095 8 12 Pool Party 6583 Erin He's not looking. Hey!
44096 8 12 Pool Party 6584 Robert I had two bears sewn together to make this king-size. Total waste of two bears.
44097 8 12 Pool Party 6584 Jim To both these bears.
44098 8 12 Pool Party 6584 Ryan To both these bears.
44099 8 12 Pool Party 6584 Toby Bears.
44100 8 12 Pool Party 6584 Oscar To both these bears.
44101 8 12 Pool Party 6585 Robert When I put in the screening room, I bought three movies: Caligula, Last Tango in Paris, and Emmanuelle 2. Last two movies I actually watched in here Marley and Me and On Golden Pond.
44102 8 12 Pool Party 6585 Ryan I mean, it's clearly meant for watching erotic cinema.
44103 8 12 Pool Party 6585 Gabe Yup. We could watch some right now if you want. I got a Korean film on my iPod if you want to just- if you have the cables.
44104 8 12 Pool Party 6586 Andy Kelly, that's a crazy ring you found.
44105 8 12 Pool Party 6586 Kelly Yeah, thanks. I'm really glad I found it.
44106 8 12 Pool Party 6586 Andy I can't believe you're wearing it. Are you not superstitious at all?
44107 8 12 Pool Party 6586 Kelly Shh. Of course I'm superstitious. What are you talking about?
44108 8 12 Pool Party 6586 Andy The ring of a failed marriage might have some sinister energy, right? Am I just being silly?
44109 8 12 Pool Party 6586 Phyllis Oh, I don't think you're being silly.
44110 8 12 Pool Party 6586 Kelly Oh God.
44111 8 12 Pool Party 6586 Andy You know what, I can just sell it and put the money in the party fund.
44112 8 12 Pool Party 6586 Phyllis Then another woman will get it. We can't allow that. We have to destroy it.
44113 8 12 Pool Party 6586 Jessica Come on. Let's chicken fight those two.
44114 8 12 Pool Party 6586 Val How was that?
44115 8 12 Pool Party 6586 Kevin Okay. Watch my toes.
44116 8 12 Pool Party 6586 Darryl Hey Val. Want a beer? It might taste better than that pool water you've been drinking.
44117 8 12 Pool Party 6586 Val No, I'm good. Thank you.
44118 8 12 Pool Party 6586 Darryl Cool.
44119 8 12 Pool Party 6586 Val Cool. Does Darryl not swim?
44120 8 12 Pool Party 6586 Kevin That's racist! I don't know. But I would say, by looking at him, no, Darryl does not swim.
44121 8 12 Pool Party 6587 Jessica Yes!
44122 8 12 Pool Party 6587 Andy Yeah!
44123 8 12 Pool Party 6587 Dwight Maybe we should take a little break.
44124 8 12 Pool Party 6587 Erin Dwight, we've got this. I promise. I will not leave your shoulders, no matter what.
44125 8 12 Pool Party 6587 Dwight Okay.
44126 8 12 Pool Party 6587 Erin One more?
44127 8 12 Pool Party 6587 Andy Yeah!
44128 8 12 Pool Party 6587 Jessica Yeah! Great!
44129 8 12 Pool Party 6587 Erin Mush, mush, mush! Come on!
44130 8 12 Pool Party 6587 Dwight Go!
44131 8 12 Pool Party 6587 Erin Go! Okay. Yeah.
44132 8 12 Pool Party 6587 Jessica Here we go! Yes!
44133 8 12 Pool Party 6587 Andy Yay! Whoa!
44134 8 12 Pool Party 6587 Kevin Wow!
44135 8 12 Pool Party 6587 Andy I cannot believe you're still up!
44136 8 12 Pool Party 6587 Jessica I cannot believe it either.
44137 8 12 Pool Party 6587 Erin I've got this! Charge! Go! Go!
44138 8 12 Pool Party 6587 Andy Dwight are you okay? Hey, damn it-
44139 8 12 Pool Party 6588 Dwight Erin, did we win?
44140 8 12 Pool Party 6588 Erin Sure. Sure we did.
44141 8 12 Pool Party 6588 Dwight You're lying. We didn't win.
44142 8 12 Pool Party 6588 Erin Hey, hey, hey Dwight. It's okay. Just rest. Just rest.
44143 8 12 Pool Party 6589 Kelly You've broken up your last couple, you evil ring. Do it.
44144 8 12 Pool Party 6589 Angela We're in the pool!
44145 8 12 Pool Party 6589 Meredith Shut it, Angela.
44146 8 12 Pool Party 6590 Dwight Ugh. Same old party, same old people. Am I right? Reminds me of Phyllis's birthday.
44147 8 12 Pool Party 6590 Andy Ooh, do not remind me of Phyllis's birthday.
44148 8 12 Pool Party 6590 Dwight I know. But boy, that Erin. She sure is a ripe little tiger, isn't she? Rroww! And to think, I always thought of her as a second Meredith. Respectfully, I don't want us walking into a similar Angela kind of situation.
44149 8 12 Pool Party 6590 Andy Mmm.
44150 8 12 Pool Party 6590 Dwight So I just want to make sure that you are completely, one hundred percent done with Erin.
44151 8 12 Pool Party 6590 Andy Last I checked, I'm with Jessica. And I like to get my monog on. It's monogamy for my hog 'n me.
44152 8 12 Pool Party 6590 Dwight Not what I asked.
44153 8 12 Pool Party 6590 Andy We're done. Erin and I are over.
44154 8 12 Pool Party 6590 Dwight So then you won't mind if tonight I just go crazy on her, just go nuts, rrargh. With s*x.
44155 8 12 Pool Party 6590 Andy Have at it. Or take it slow. Whatever you guys work out.
44156 8 12 Pool Party 6590 Dwight You're an idiot.
44157 8 12 Pool Party 6590 Kevin Kelly, that is mine! This is mine!
44158 8 12 Pool Party 6590 Erin Uh-uh. Uh-uh.
44159 8 12 Pool Party 6590 Kevin No!
44160 8 12 Pool Party 6590 Val Oh I've got him!
44161 8 12 Pool Party 6590 Darryl Cannonball! Let's do this!
44162 8 12 Pool Party 6591 Andy Wow.
44163 8 12 Pool Party 6591 Erin So I kind of stepped on this. I think it's yours.
44164 8 12 Pool Party 6591 Andy Yeah. Oh wow. How did you know it was mine?
44165 8 12 Pool Party 6591 Erin The Bernard family seal. Duh.
44166 8 12 Pool Party 6591 Andy Duh.
44167 8 12 Pool Party 6591 Erin Sorry if your special night was ruined.
44168 8 12 Pool Party 6591 Andy Oh, whoa. Whoa, no, it's not a special night.
44169 8 12 Pool Party 6591 Erin Oh, you weren't going to do that?
44170 8 12 Pool Party 6591 Andy Honestly Erin, I don't know what I'm doing. I... I just... I don't know. Thank you.
44171 8 12 Pool Party 6592 Erin Andy's confused. That's not what I was hoping for, but it's not so bad either. I can live with confused. I get confused. I totally get confused.
44172 8 12 Pool Party 6593 Robert And of course, the pool. The ultimate lubricant for any wild evening. It was here that my parties would have crescendoed into true madness.
44173 8 12 Pool Party 6593 Jim To madness.
44174 8 12 Pool Party 6593 Ryan To madness.
44175 8 12 Pool Party 6593 Toby To madness.
44176 8 12 Pool Party 6593 Meredith To madness.
44177 8 12 Pool Party 6593 Jim Hey, um, I think you parked my car in. Is there any way you can move your van?
44178 8 12 Pool Party 6593 Meredith Oh, I'm sorry. When I got here, I put my keys in a bowl.
44179 8 12 Pool Party 6593 Jim Are you serious?
44180 8 12 Pool Party 6593 Ryan Robert, I want you to know, I'm here to rock with you as late as you want, man.
44181 8 12 Pool Party 6593 Gabe And that goes double for me. I'll stay even later than you'd like.
44182 8 12 Pool Party 6593 Oscar Toby! I am Bacchus, god of wine!
44183 8 12 Pool Party 6593 Toby And I am Bacchus's friend!
44184 8 12 Pool Party 6593 Robert Gentlemen, bear witness. While I've been mourning the nights that never were, one of them has been unfolding here before me. This is no get-together. This is a party.
44185 8 12 Pool Party 6593 All Yes! Woohoo! Bravo!
44186 8 12 Pool Party 6593 Jim And there's my talking point.
44187 8 12 Pool Party 6594 Robert Yes, that's it. Push yourselves, boys. It's not a party if you don't do something that scares you. I need a breather. Oh. Oh. You two keep going.
44188 8 12 Pool Party 6594 Ryan Hey, he's asleep. We can just leave.
44189 8 12 Pool Party 6594 Gabe So leave.
44190 8 13 Jury Duty 6595 Andy Val, I need the space.
44191 8 13 Jury Duty 6595 Val All right guys, clear out.
44192 8 13 Jury Duty 6595 Andy Everybody out.
44193 8 13 Jury Duty 6595 Val Promise me you're going to clean up.
44194 8 13 Jury Duty 6595 Andy I can't promise what I'm going to do or not do.
44195 8 13 Jury Duty 6595 Val Promise me that-
44196 8 13 Jury Duty 6595 Andy Obviously I'm going to clean up.
44197 8 13 Jury Duty 6596 Andy Stress is like the uptight mayor or a town who's saying, "Hey, we're uptight, you can't dance," and then you have to be like, "Oh yeah, Mayor Stress? Well watch this!" And then... we dance. Oh how we dance. s*x also works.
44198 8 13 Jury Duty 6597 Erin Hey! Jim's back from jury duty.
44199 8 13 Jury Duty 6597 Andy Hey! Tuna! He's back.
44200 8 13 Jury Duty 6597 Jim Hey.
44201 8 13 Jury Duty 6597 Andy Oh, look at this. Tuna wrap.
44202 8 13 Jury Duty 6597 Jim Okay.
44203 8 13 Jury Duty 6597 Andy Hand roll.
44204 8 13 Jury Duty 6597 Jim Yeah.
44205 8 13 Jury Duty 6597 Phyllis How was jury duty?
44206 8 13 Jury Duty 6597 Jim It was pretty uneventful, actually.
44207 8 13 Jury Duty 6597 Dwight Can't believe they let someone like you serve on a jury. Makes me question the whole judicial system.
44208 8 13 Jury Duty 6597 Erin What was the case?
44209 8 13 Jury Duty 6597 Jim Uh, hit and run.
44210 8 13 Jury Duty 6597 Erin Ooh, "the case of the hit and run," that's exciting.
44211 8 13 Jury Duty 6597 Phyllis Did you send him to the slammer?
44212 8 13 Jury Duty 6597 Jim Nope. Not guilty.
44213 8 13 Jury Duty 6597 Dwight Of course you found him not guilty. "Oh, he apologized and I just really want him to like me, mm."
44214 8 13 Jury Duty 6597 Jim We're best friends, actually. We're going wine-tasting next weekend, if you want to come.
44215 8 13 Jury Duty 6597 Dwight Not coming, have plans.
44216 8 13 Jury Duty 6597 Jim Okay.
44217 8 13 Jury Duty 6598 Jim I did get called in to jury duty. And they released me around noon, so, didn't think it was worth it to come back to work for a half day. And then the next morning Pam was a little overwhelmed with the kids so I took an extra day to help out. And then three other days happened.
44218 8 13 Jury Duty 6599 Erin Ah! Angela had the baby!
44219 8 13 Jury Duty 6599 Kevin Is it black? 'Cause that would be hilarious.
44220 8 13 Jury Duty 6599 Darryl Why?
44221 8 13 Jury Duty 6599 Kevin You know.
44222 8 13 Jury Duty 6599 Darryl Would it be more hilarious than Angela having a Chinese baby?
44223 8 13 Jury Duty 6599 Kevin A little bit, yeah. Right guys? Back me up.
44224 8 13 Jury Duty 6599 Ryan Eh, a little bit.
44225 8 13 Jury Duty 6599 Kevin Oh, did I win the pool?
44226 8 13 Jury Duty 6599 Erin Ah, no. Right month, wrong year.
44227 8 13 Jury Duty 6599 Oscar Well no one won the pool. Angela wasn't due for another month.
44228 8 13 Jury Duty 6599 Erin We should all go to the hospital and visit her.
44229 8 13 Jury Duty 6599 Phyllis Oh, I'd love to but, um-
44230 8 13 Jury Duty 6599 Jim Aw man, I would but I can't miss any more work.
44231 8 13 Jury Duty 6599 Oscar Well Kevin and I have to go, Accounting is its own little family.
44232 8 13 Jury Duty 6599 Kevin Yeah, Oscar's the dad, I'm Oscar's dad and Angela's my mom.
44233 8 13 Jury Duty 6599 Gabe Everyone, our very own Angela-
44234 8 13 Jury Duty 6599 Oscar We all got the email, some of us are going to go visit.
44235 8 13 Jury Duty 6599 Gabe Oh, I am so in.
44236 8 13 Jury Duty 6600 Gabe I love maternity wards. It's the perfect blend of love and horror. Things can go so wrong or so right.
44237 8 13 Jury Duty 6601 Andy Come on, Judge Judy, tell us your case. What were the deets?
44238 8 13 Jury Duty 6601 Jim Mine was actually a pretty boring case, so-
44239 8 13 Jury Duty 6601 Meredith How could it be boring? You were there for five days. Titillate us.
44240 8 13 Jury Duty 6601 Stanley Yeah, you owe us. I had to stay until six twice to cover for you. My wife got to the TV first, had to sit through damn Rizzoli and damn Isles.
44241 8 13 Jury Duty 6601 Phyllis Yeah, my car got smashed visiting one of your clients and I had to have it detailed and they took my meter change.
44242 8 13 Jury Duty 6601 Jim Wow, I'm really sorry.
44243 8 13 Jury Duty 6601 Phyllis Yeah.
44244 8 13 Jury Duty 6602 Jim I never considered that my week off would make everyone else's job harder. The least I could do is give them a good story.
44245 8 13 Jury Duty 6603 Jim So Phyllis, he was here, and then the car came and did- he was like that. Yeah, so it had to be a double backflip, actually.
44246 8 13 Jury Duty 6603 Toby You know, when I was on j-duty, uh, Strangler case, we used to recreate the various stranglings with empanadas from- at Ernesto's.
44247 8 13 Jury Duty 6603 Jim Oh man, Ernesto's. That was our favorite restaurant too.
44248 8 13 Jury Duty 6603 Toby You mean food truck. Ernesto's was a food truck.
44249 8 13 Jury Duty 6603 Meredith Toby, shut your hole about the empanadas. Nobody cares about the empanadas.
44250 8 13 Jury Duty 6604 Dwight I was in Los Angeles last year. Jim tricked me into thinking I'd won a walk-on part on NCIS, but that's not important. While I was being kicked off the lot, I saw food trucks everywhere. Everyone in Los Angeles eats from them. And nobody calls them restaurants.
44251 8 13 Jury Duty 6605 Oscar Guys, I don't know how many of you have seen- Gabe? Bring it in. I don't know how many of you have seen a premature baby before. It's going to be really tiny, so please don't say anything offensive.
44252 8 13 Jury Duty 6605 Kevin Got that, bimbo?
44253 8 13 Jury Duty 6605 Erin Got it, bimbo.
44254 8 13 Jury Duty 6605 Angela Yes?
44255 8 13 Jury Duty 6605 Oscar Knock, knock. Oh!
44256 8 13 Jury Duty 6605 Kevin Hi!
44257 8 13 Jury Duty 6605 Angela Oh... I don't- I don't want any- what are you guys doing here?
44258 8 13 Jury Duty 6605 Oscar We wanted to say hi to the newest little Dunder Mifflinite.
44259 8 13 Jury Duty 6605 Senator Lipton Well, meet our not-so-little bundle of joy, Philip Halsted Lipton.
44260 8 13 Jury Duty 6605 Kevin Phillip is so fat.
44261 8 13 Jury Duty 6605 Oscar Kevin!
44262 8 13 Jury Duty 6605 Kevin You warned me not to say anything if it was tiny, Oscar. But you didn't prepare me for a big, giant, fat baby.
44263 8 13 Jury Duty 6605 Angela Hey.
44264 8 13 Jury Duty 6605 Senator Lipton Yes, he's substantial.
44265 8 13 Jury Duty 6605 Erin He's more than substantial. He's a monster.
44266 8 13 Jury Duty 6606 Dwight So this whole hit and run thing, there's just one part I can't figure out. You said it was at a four-way stop...
44267 8 13 Jury Duty 6606 Jim Mm-hmm.
44268 8 13 Jury Duty 6606 Dwight And the victim rode his bicycle into the left hand turn lane but the perp was already in the left-hand turn lane?
44269 8 13 Jury Duty 6606 Jim Mm-hmm.
44270 8 13 Jury Duty 6606 Dwight See, that's what I'm having trouble with, because the fact is, you never said he was on a bicycle. Busted, Halpert!
44271 8 13 Jury Duty 6606 Jim Okay, wait, wait.
44272 8 13 Jury Duty 6606 Dwight Yes! Andy, get out here.
44273 8 13 Jury Duty 6606 Jim No. I never said he was on a bicycle. I just said I wasn't listening to you.
44274 8 13 Jury Duty 6606 Dwight I am making a citizen's arrest. You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to beg for mercy. You have the right to request judgment by combat. Dwight's rights.
44275 8 13 Jury Duty 6606 Andy What's up, gangstas?
44276 8 13 Jury Duty 6606 Dwight Jim was lying about jury duty. He was lying the whole time so he could go do yoga or go canoeing. I don't know what this pervert likes. Fire him!
44277 8 13 Jury Duty 6606 Andy Dwight, not everything is a conspiracy theory.
44278 8 13 Jury Duty 6606 Dwight I have Jim on the record saying that the vic-
44279 8 13 Jury Duty 6606 Andy No. Dwight! I have me on the record, saying to you, take a chill pill.
44280 8 13 Jury Duty 6606 Dwight I don't- I don't need to take a chill pill.
44281 8 13 Jury Duty 6606 Andy Here, right there. Down the hatch.
44282 8 13 Jury Duty 6606 Dwight I really don't want to take the chill pill.
44283 8 13 Jury Duty 6606 Andy Attaboy. Good. Now, chill.
44284 8 13 Jury Duty 6606 Dwight Okay, okay. But let's just say that Jim was lying about jury duty. You would have to fire him, right?
44285 8 13 Jury Duty 6606 Andy Yeah, sure, of course. I'd fire him to Timbuktu.
44286 8 13 Jury Duty 6606 Dwight That's good enough for me.
44287 8 13 Jury Duty 6607 Jim ...and Pam was just going crazy, trying to take care of Philip because Cece has been out of control recently, and- look, Andy, it doesn't matter. The truth is, I just feel terrible lying to you.
44288 8 13 Jury Duty 6607 Andy I feel terrible getting lied to. No one's ever lied to me before.
44289 8 13 Jury Duty 6607 Jim Okay. I think the best thing to do right now is just come clean and tell everybody the truth.
44290 8 13 Jury Duty 6607 Andy No, not after what I told Dwight about firing you. No. Here's what we're going to do. We're going to have ourselves a good old-fashioned cover-up. Have you ever heard of a Connecticut cover-up?
44291 8 13 Jury Duty 6607 Jim No.
44292 8 13 Jury Duty 6607 Andy Do you know why you never heard of it?
44293 8 13 Jury Duty 6607 Jim No.
44294 8 13 Jury Duty 6607 Andy Covered it up.
44295 8 13 Jury Duty 6607 Jim Are you sure you can keep this under wraps?
44296 8 13 Jury Duty 6607 Andy They used to call me King Tut because I'm so good at keeping things under wraps.
44297 8 13 Jury Duty 6608 Andy My nickname was actually King Butt, because I had a king-size butt.
44298 8 13 Jury Duty 6609 Ernesto Where you want I park?
44299 8 13 Jury Duty 6610 Dwight Okay, everybody, gather 'round. Got a real special surprise for you.
44300 8 13 Jury Duty 6610 Toby Ernesto!
44301 8 13 Jury Duty 6610 Ernesto Hola Toby!
44302 8 13 Jury Duty 6610 Toby Yeah, hey.
44303 8 13 Jury Duty 6610 Ernesto Como esta?
44304 8 13 Jury Duty 6610 Nate Uh, I'm going to say "I" when I'm talking for Ernesto, so instead of "he says blah, blah, blah," I'm going to say "I say, blah, blah, blah," but that's for him. Anyway, it was something like, "He remembers Toby." "I remember Toby."
44305 8 13 Jury Duty 6610 Dwight Okay- oh, Jim. Hey, this guy look familiar?
44306 8 13 Jury Duty 6610 Jim Uh-
44307 8 13 Jury Duty 6610 Toby It's the empanada guy.
44308 8 13 Jury Duty 6610 Jim The empanada guy!
44309 8 13 Jury Duty 6610 Dwight No, Toby! Damn it, Toby! No, I wasn't asking you. Ask him if he remembers Jim.
44310 8 13 Jury Duty 6610 Ernesto No.
44311 8 13 Jury Duty 6610 Nate He says, "No."
44312 8 13 Jury Duty 6610 Dwight He says, "No!" Boom!
44313 8 13 Jury Duty 6610 Andy Yeah but who remembers all their customers? I mean, I can name like three of our clients.
44314 8 13 Jury Duty 6610 Dwight Okay, he remembers Toby, the most forgettable man in the known world.
44315 8 13 Jury Duty 6610 Nate Ah, he doesn't want any trouble, he sees lots of people, they come from all around to eat his delicious meat pockets.
44316 8 13 Jury Duty 6610 Jim Uh, you guys are going to love these. So, empanadas on me. You guys gotta try them.
44317 8 13 Jury Duty 6610 Creed Usually I'm a burrito guy, but if you won't tell, I won't. Wink, wink.
44318 8 13 Jury Duty 6610 Dwight Great. And while we're enjoying these delicious empanadas, Jim, why don't you tell us your story again?
44319 8 13 Jury Duty 6610 Andy Why? Everybody's heard it.
44320 8 13 Jury Duty 6610 Dwight Walk us through it. What time would you get there every morning?
44321 8 13 Jury Duty 6610 Andy Hey, Murder She Wrote. How about we drop the whole 'Murder, She Wrote' thing, okay? Jim was at the courthouse for jury duty every morning. How do I know? Because I drove him there.
44322 8 13 Jury Duty 6610 Phyllis Why?
44323 8 13 Jury Duty 6610 Andy Why? Why?
44324 8 13 Jury Duty 6610 Jim Because my car broke down.
44325 8 13 Jury Duty 6610 Andy His car broke down. So he called me, 'cause I live near the courthouse.
44326 8 13 Jury Duty 6610 Dwight Wait, wait. You live by the courthouse. So you drove from near the courthouse, out to Jim's house, and then back to the courthouse?
44327 8 13 Jury Duty 6610 Andy Thirty minutes out, thirty minutes back, easy hour. And I would watch that cute little tushie scurry up those courthouse stairs every morning and that was that.
44328 8 13 Jury Duty 6610 Phyllis I'm sorry, do you have any American Mexican food?
44329 8 13 Jury Duty 6611 Andy We're getting buried out there. What was that stuff about the car breaking down?
44330 8 13 Jury Duty 6611 Jim Well, I think you handled it pretty well.
44331 8 13 Jury Duty 6611 Andy I'm not Rumpelstiltskin, Jim. I can't keep spinning gold out of your .
44332 8 13 Jury Duty 6611 Jim Okay, listen, all right? Dwight's on to us, he's going to figure it out really soon, so let's just get ahead of it, let's tell the truth.
44333 8 13 Jury Duty 6611 Andy I don't even know what the truth is anymore.
44334 8 13 Jury Duty 6612 Oscar Wow, it's so... healthy.
44335 8 13 Jury Duty 6612 Kevin I'm going to call him Little Kevin.
44336 8 13 Jury Duty 6612 Angela No, you will not.
44337 8 13 Jury Duty 6612 Erin Is he really five pounds?
44338 8 13 Jury Duty 6612 Angela Mm-hmm.
44339 8 13 Jury Duty 6612 Erin Because I squat with five pounds. This- yeah, this feels like more than that.
44340 8 13 Jury Duty 6612 Senator Lipton No, no, no, he's nine pounds, seven ounces.
44341 8 13 Jury Duty 6612 Angela Nine pounds? Really? I thought you said five. You know what? I was under so many drugs, I felt like I was at a James Taylor concert or something, oh. So, what did you bring?
44342 8 13 Jury Duty 6612 Oscar Oh yeah, I don't know if it's right, but-
44343 8 13 Jury Duty 6612 Senator Lipton Well, if it's anything like that gorgeous wrapping paper, you hit it out of the park.
44344 8 13 Jury Duty 6612 Angela Aw, preemie pajamas!
44345 8 13 Jury Duty 6612 Oscar Again, it may not be the right size. I can return-
44346 8 13 Jury Duty 6612 Angela No, I think he came early just so he could wear these. Thank you.
44347 8 13 Jury Duty 6612 Kevin I got Little Kevin Call of Duty.
44348 8 13 Jury Duty 6613 Oscar This baby is clearly not premature. They're lying about the date it was conceived. It's very interesting. And her husband's gay. I don't even know which thread to follow.
44349 8 13 Jury Duty 6614 Jim Uh, excuse me, can I have everyone's attention for a second? First off, I just want to say that I'm really sorry, I didn't know that my absence last week would have been a burden on any of you, because, though I did have jury duty last week, they did dismiss me early on Monday. And I think you're going to find this pretty hilarious. I kind of, uh, well, maybe took the week off.
44350 8 13 Jury Duty 6614 Stanley What?
44351 8 13 Jury Duty 6614 Jim Funny? No? Nobody laughing?
44352 8 13 Jury Duty 6614 Dwight You're screwed! Oh, it's happening. It's really happening.
44353 8 13 Jury Duty 6614 Stanley What the hell, Jim? I covered for your bony butt.
44354 8 13 Jury Duty 6614 Jim Pam really needed some help with the kids, so, I promise my intentions were good.
44355 8 13 Jury Duty 6614 Dwight Your clients. They're all mine.
44356 8 13 Jury Duty 6614 Darryl Jim, I got my ass chewed out because one of your orders got messed up. And Andy, you said you drove him to the courthouse.
44357 8 13 Jury Duty 6614 Andy Uh, I did, every morning. And if I didn't, then I hope I die.
44358 8 13 Jury Duty 6614 Dwight All right, well. Let's get this show on the road, shall we? Allow me to give you a hand. Here we are. So long, clump-mate. I'm going to miss you. Truth be told, I never thought that this was how it was going to end. I always thought that I was going to defeat you somehow. But you've defeated yourself.
44359 8 13 Jury Duty 6614 Andy Dwight, cut it out. I'm not firing Jim.
44360 8 13 Jury Duty 6614 Dwight No, no, no. You said- you said that you were-
44361 8 13 Jury Duty 6614 Andy I know what I said. Jim, you're in deep doo-doo. Do you understand? I have one thing to say to you, and I'm going to say it in front of this whole office. Look me in the eye.
44362 8 13 Jury Duty 6614 Dwight That's it? This is crap!
44363 8 13 Jury Duty 6615 Gabe You've reached Gabe Lewis, I'm currently indisposed. Leave me a message. Ciao.
44364 8 13 Jury Duty 6615 Dwight Gabe, it's Dwight again. Highest priority, triple-urgent. Call me. Immediately. That means ASAP.
44365 8 13 Jury Duty 6616 Dwight I'm gonna find Gabe, tell him what Jim did and let the little stickler do what he does best: stickle.
44366 8 13 Jury Duty 6617 Angela Shh.
44367 8 13 Jury Duty 6617 Oscar Honestly, I can return this for a larger size.
44368 8 13 Jury Duty 6617 Angela It's fine. Pajamas aren't supposed to be baggy, right? It's not the barrio.
44369 8 13 Jury Duty 6617 Oscar The only premature baby in this room is the baby this baby ate.
44370 8 13 Jury Duty 6617 Angela Ah!
44371 8 13 Jury Duty 6617 Kevin Little Kevin.
44372 8 13 Jury Duty 6617 Angela Really?
44373 8 13 Jury Duty 6617 Oscar Angela.
44374 8 13 Jury Duty 6617 Angela Fine, God. Philip was conceived nine months ago.
44375 8 13 Jury Duty 6617 Oscar I knew that, I knew it.
44376 8 13 Jury Duty 6617 Angela The senator and I wanted to wait, but we had just seen Thor and there was way too much wine in my chicken piccata.
44377 8 13 Jury Duty 6617 Oscar Chicken marsala.
44378 8 13 Jury Duty 6617 Angela Right. Um, point is, Philip was conceived out of wedlock.
44379 8 13 Jury Duty 6617 Oscar Mm-hmm.
44380 8 13 Jury Duty 6617 Angela And now you all know, but you can never tell. I'm serious.
44381 8 13 Jury Duty 6618 Oscar Dwight. Hey.
44382 8 13 Jury Duty 6618 Dwight Oh, hey. Have you seen Gabe?
44383 8 13 Jury Duty 6618 Oscar He went to the car or something, but he'll be back.
44384 8 13 Jury Duty 6618 Dwight Okay.
44385 8 13 Jury Duty 6618 Oscar Don't you want to see the baby?
44386 8 13 Jury Duty 6618 Dwight Psh! Why? I know what Angela and the senator look like. I can mash that up in my head right now.
44387 8 13 Jury Duty 6618 Oscar I promised I wouldn't tell.
44388 8 13 Jury Duty 6618 Dwight So don't.
44389 8 13 Jury Duty 6618 Oscar Angela got pregnant before the wedding.
44390 8 13 Jury Duty 6618 Dwight What?
44391 8 13 Jury Duty 6618 Oscar She got pregnant before the wedding.
44392 8 13 Jury Duty 6618 Dwight How long before?
44393 8 13 Jury Duty 6618 Oscar A month. You didn't hear it from me!
44394 8 13 Jury Duty 6618 Dwight Yes I did.
44395 8 13 Jury Duty 6619 Angela Dwight?
44396 8 13 Jury Duty 6619 Senator Lipton Dwight.
44397 8 13 Jury Duty 6619 Dwight I want to see the baby.
44398 8 13 Jury Duty 6619 Erin Oh, Angela will make you cut your fingernails. It's not worth it.
44399 8 13 Jury Duty 6619 Dwight Oh, yes. Oh, what a beautiful child. Prominent forehead, short arms, tiny nose. You will lead millions... willingly, or as slaves.
44400 8 13 Jury Duty 6620 Dwight That baby is a Schrute. And unless somebody taught Mose s*x, that baby is mine.
44401 8 13 Jury Duty 6621 Angela He's hungry.
44402 8 13 Jury Duty 6621 Senator Lipton Oh, that's my cue to leave.
44403 8 13 Jury Duty 6621 Angela No, you don't have to. I'm going to wear this cover.
44404 8 13 Jury Duty 6621 Senator Lipton Still. Still.
44405 8 13 Jury Duty 6621 Angela You won't see-
44406 8 13 Jury Duty 6622 Jim You want a giraffe?
44407 8 13 Jury Duty 6623 Jim Yes, I am brining my kids in to help me get out of this hole. And you all remember my beautiful wife, Pam.
44408 8 13 Jury Duty 6623 Pam Hi. Wow, I really thought I'd be more excited to be here.
44409 8 13 Jury Duty 6623 Jim Whoa, whoa, whoa, game face, baby, game face.
44410 8 13 Jury Duty 6623 Pam Oh right, okay. Hey Stanley, it's great to see you!
44411 8 13 Jury Duty 6623 Jim Whoa, no, no. That's overdoing it, I think.
44412 8 13 Jury Duty 6623 Pam Oh, hi Stanley.
44413 8 13 Jury Duty 6623 Jim Split the difference?
44414 8 13 Jury Duty 6623 Pam Jim.
44415 8 13 Jury Duty 6623 Jim Okay, let's go.
44416 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Pam Hey.
44417 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Erin Hi.
44418 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Pam Hi everybody!
44419 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Jim What?
44420 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 All Hi.
44421 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Pam How about a little visit?
44422 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Jim Wow, what a surprise. That's crazy. You guys get to meet the little heck-raisers.
44423 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Creed Hey, Angela's back with her baby.
44424 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Pam Yes, well, you guys all know Cece, but we wanted to introduce you to baby Philip.
44425 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Andy Aw! You guys. He's licking on my finger, just like my cat does.
44426 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Creed Let me have a turn.
44427 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Pam No, it's the pacifier's turn.
44428 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Creed All right.
44429 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Jim Did you say something about this one bringing in something for these people?
44430 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Pam Yes! Cece wanted to thank everybody for letting her daddy stay home with her all last week and play, so she brought you a little treat.
44431 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Phyllis Cookies?
44432 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Pam No, but that would've been a really good idea.
44433 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Jim That was a great idea.
44434 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Pam No, she brought you drawings.
44435 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Jim Oh my goodness, let's take a look at these. They're usually amazing, so let's see. Yup, they are. Uncle Andy.
44436 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Andy Oh!
44437 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Jim Oh, Aunt Phyllis.
44438 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Phyllis Oh.
44439 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Andy Wow, these are incredible. Cece, did you do these?
44440 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Cece No.
44441 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Pam She says "no" to everything. You know, she thinks my name is "No." Cece, do you want some broccoli?
44442 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Cece Yes.
44443 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Pam No. It's crazy.
44444 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Ryan Why am I shorter than the table that I'm standing next to?
44445 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Andy There's cross-hatching in some of these. That's kind of advanced for a two-year-old.
44446 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Kelly Cece, this is your big sister Kelly. Did you color this pretty picture?
44447 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Cece No.
44448 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Kelly So then this means nothing to you.
44449 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Andy Hey, Cece, why don't you draw another picture for us, exactly like this one, or at least in the exact same style?
44450 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Jim You know what? I don't think you need to do things on command. That's very weird. I'll just take that. Thank you. I think we should just wrap up the show, kiddos. Right?
44451 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Cece Mama!
44452 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Pam Shh.
44453 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Jim I don't know what else we can do here.
44454 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Cece Mama, mama, mama.
44455 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Jim It's okay.
44456 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Pam Oh, it's okay, sweetie.
44457 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Jim All right, all right. Okay.
44458 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Pam It's okay, honey. It's okay, it's okay.
44459 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Jim All right, I know, I know. Let's just get this.
44460 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Pam Shh.
44461 8 13 Jury Duty 6624 Cece Mama!
44462 8 13 Jury Duty 6625 Dwight Angela, this child is definitely mine. He looks just like me.
44463 8 13 Jury Duty 6625 Angela Every baby looks just like you. Your face kind of looks like a baby.
44464 8 13 Jury Duty 6625 Dwight Need I remind you that we were together a month before the wedding?
44465 8 13 Jury Duty 6625 Angela That is completely untrue.
44466 8 13 Jury Duty 6625 Dwight Completely true. Remember? Angela. No.
44467 8 13 Jury Duty 6625 Dwight You said that Robert was not fulfilling you-
44468 8 13 Jury Duty 6625 Angela I did not. Uh-uh.
44469 8 13 Jury Duty 6625 Dwight -and I said, "I bet I could fulfill you," and you said, "I'd like to see you try," and then I kissed you with the force of a thousand waterfalls.
44470 8 13 Jury Duty 6625 Angela That didn't happen.
44471 8 13 Jury Duty 6625 Dwight And then I inserted my penis-
44472 8 13 Jury Duty 6625 Angela No! Stop it!
44473 8 13 Jury Duty 6625 Dwight Into your-
44474 8 13 Jury Duty 6625 Angela Dwight.
44475 8 13 Jury Duty 6625 Dwight v*g1n* and-
44476 8 13 Jury Duty 6625 Angela And even if it did, it's just a coincidence.
44477 8 13 Jury Duty 6625 Dwight Admit that there is a chance.
44478 8 13 Jury Duty 6625 Angela I will not.
44479 8 13 Jury Duty 6625 Dwight Admit it. Admit it.
44480 8 13 Jury Duty 6625 Angela I will not, it's not-
44481 8 13 Jury Duty 6625 Senator Lipton All done?
44482 8 13 Jury Duty 6625 Dwight Yeah.
44483 8 13 Jury Duty 6625 Senator Lipton Mmm.
44484 8 13 Jury Duty 6625 Angela Yes, yes. He's sleeping.
44485 8 13 Jury Duty 6625 Dwight Before I go, may I?
44486 8 13 Jury Duty 6625 Angela Sure. Watch the head, watch the head.
44487 8 13 Jury Duty 6626 Dwight Nurse, you know that baby in there, baby Philip? Cancel the circumcision.
44488 8 13 Jury Duty 6626 Nurse Who are you?
44489 8 13 Jury Duty 6626 Dwight I just might be his father.
44490 8 13 Jury Duty 6626 Nurse I don't know what that means. We're gonna circumcise him.
44491 8 13 Jury Duty 6627 Jim I know, buddy, I know. Cece, you want to come? Want to come out?
44492 8 13 Jury Duty 6627 Cece No!
44493 8 13 Jury Duty 6627 Jim Oh bud, I know. Do you have a pacifier or anything?
44494 8 13 Jury Duty 6627 Pam I'm looking, I'm looking for the pacifier.
44495 8 13 Jury Duty 6627 Jim Cece!
44496 8 13 Jury Duty 6627 Pam Okay, we're going.
44497 8 13 Jury Duty 6627 Jim Okay, okay, we gotta go. All right, we're going home, we're going home. We're going home, we're going home. I know, I know, bud.
44498 8 13 Jury Duty 6627 Pam Shh, shh, shh.
44499 8 13 Jury Duty 6627 Jim I know, I know.
44500 8 13 Jury Duty 6627 Pam You want to grab her?
44501 8 13 Jury Duty 6627 Jim I'm gonna grab her, okay.
44502 8 13 Jury Duty 6627 Pam Here we go, here we go.
44503 8 13 Jury Duty 6627 Jim Hi, all right. I'm just going to go down to the car and I'm going to put her in her seat and I'll be right back up.
44504 8 13 Jury Duty 6627 Stanley We'll see you tomorrow.
44505 8 13 Jury Duty 6627 Jim No, no, it's okay, I'll be right back.
44506 8 13 Jury Duty 6627 Phyllis No, just go home.
44507 8 13 Jury Duty 6627 Darryl It's all good, we got this.
44508 8 13 Jury Duty 6628 Darryl I have a kid. Last week, Jim at home? That was no vacation.
44509 8 13 Jury Duty 6629 Pam Jim.
44510 8 13 Jury Duty 6629 Phyllis Just go.
44511 8 13 Jury Duty 6629 Andy Hey, we'll be just fine.
44512 8 13 Jury Duty 6629 Jim Thanks guys. All right, here we go. Let's go.
44513 8 13 Jury Duty 6629 Andy Oh, whew!
44514 8 13 Jury Duty 6630 Andy Dwight, what the hell? You can't smoke in here.
44515 8 13 Jury Duty 6630 Dwight Oh, right. The office looks different now. Huh. Smaller. Maybe I just feel bigger. Hello Gabe.
44516 8 13 Jury Duty 6630 Gabe You had something important to tell me?
44517 8 13 Jury Duty 6630 Dwight Oh, you know, I did but now it seems infinitely insignificant.
44518 8 13 Jury Duty 6631 Dwight Jim? Oh, right. Nah, forget it. He was doing it for his kids. I get it. Kids drive us dads crazy. Sometimes I feel like they're raising us. Am I right?
44519 8 14 Special Project 6632 Jim Oh ho! Look who's back reporting for duty.
44520 8 14 Special Project 6632 Pam Hey guys!
44521 8 14 Special Project 6632 All Hey.
44522 8 14 Special Project 6632 Pam Hi.
44523 8 14 Special Project 6632 Andy Pam! Ahh! Look what I can do now that she's no longer pregnant. Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam!
44524 8 14 Special Project 6632 Phyllis Are you glad to be back?
44525 8 14 Special Project 6632 Pam Yeah. Yeah, I mean I could have used another week, or three.
44526 8 14 Special Project 6632 Stanley You still had eight weeks more than we did.
44527 8 14 Special Project 6632 Pam Well, it's not exactly a vacation.
44528 8 14 Special Project 6632 Angela Hello everyone! Remember little old me. Hi!
44529 8 14 Special Project 6632 Dwight What are you doing here? You just had our baby. Our collective Dunder Mifflin...family baby. Four days ago.
44530 8 14 Special Project 6632 Angela I wanted to come back to work. Not everybody needs some long luxurious Parisian maternity leave.
44531 8 14 Special Project 6632 Pam What?!
44532 8 14 Special Project 6632 Kelly Damn girl! Your body!
44533 8 14 Special Project 6632 Oscar Angela, you look amazing.
44534 8 14 Special Project 6632 Angela Really? I feel like this big rhinoceros. Anyway, I wanted to thank you guys for covering for me so I made some treats. I've got brownies and magic cookie bars.
44535 8 14 Special Project 6632 Pam Oh Angela, those brownies have walnuts in them and I think Kevin's allergic to walnuts. You're allergic to walnuts, right Kevin?
44536 8 14 Special Project 6632 Kevin Extremely, but I'm gonna fight through it.
44537 8 14 Special Project 6632 Pam Aw. It's OK Angela. I have mommy brain too.
44538 8 14 Special Project 6632 Angela I don't know what that is, Pam. I made a batch with no nuts, special for you Kevin, right here.
44539 8 14 Special Project 6632 Pam When did you find time to do all this?
44540 8 14 Special Project 6632 Angela Babies sleep a lot Pam, if you feed them enough. Brownie Pam?
44541 8 14 Special Project 6632 Pam Thank you. Oh my gosh. It's really good.
44542 8 14 Special Project 6632 Angela I wouldn't know, I'm watching my weight. Ugh.
44543 8 14 Special Project 6632 Pam So you guys, you know what's an even more useful treat...is cash. So-
44544 8 14 Special Project 6632 Jim Nope. It's over.
44545 8 14 Special Project 6632 Pam ...we wanted to say thank you-
44546 8 14 Special Project 6632 Jim Nope. OK.
44547 8 14 Special Project 6633 Andy Dwight, I have exciting news for you.
44548 8 14 Special Project 6633 Dwight What?
44549 8 14 Special Project 6633 Andy I think you're going to like it.
44550 8 14 Special Project 6633 Dwight You can't tantalize me.
44551 8 14 Special Project 6633 Andy Oooh, maybe I can. I got an email... from corporate....that told me that...
44552 8 14 Special Project 6633 Dwight OK.
44553 8 14 Special Project 6633 Andy That... you got a promotion! Right? I mean that's not the kinda thing you wanna read quietly at your desk.
44554 8 14 Special Project 6633 Dwight If you make me head of sales one more time, I swear.
44555 8 14 Special Project 6633 Andy No, this is legit. You will be assembling a team to go to Tallahassee for three weeks to develop and launch a chain of Sabre stores.
44556 8 14 Special Project 6633 Dwight Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes, yes, yes, hi-yes! Yeah yeah yeah yeah!
44557 8 14 Special Project 6634 Dwight The Shrutes have a word for when everything comes together in a man's life perfectly: Perfectinschlag. Hmm. Right now, I am in it. I finally get a chance to prove myself to corporate, I am assembling a competent team, I am likely a father, I am so deep inside of perfectinschlag right now. And just to be clear, there is a second definition, "perfect pork anus" which I don't mean.
44558 8 14 Special Project 6635 Erin And here's the fax for you.
44559 8 14 Special Project 6635 Andy And here's some facts for you. Did you know frogs can hear with their lungs? And that flamingos can have orgasms that last 30 minutes.
44560 8 14 Special Project 6635 Erin Ah! Love to learn.
44561 8 14 Special Project 6635 Andy Yeah, it's weird that I said that last one.
44562 8 14 Special Project 6635 Erin So...
44563 8 14 Special Project 6635 Andy Uh yeah, look at that.
44564 8 14 Special Project 6635 Erin We're pin twins.
44565 8 14 Special Project 6635 Andy Pin twins! This is a gift from Jessica, kind of a gag gift really. Real gifts come later.
44566 8 14 Special Project 6635 Erin Yeah. That's cute. When I saw it in CVS it made me gag too.
44567 8 14 Special Project 6636 Erin For a while there I thought something would change. But nope. Andy's still with Jessica, they even carpool together most days. I don't know, I wouldn't mind carpooling every day with Andy, but I wouldn't want to spend that much time with Jessica.
44568 8 14 Special Project 6637 Darryl What do we have here?
44569 8 14 Special Project 6638 Darryl Val knit me a beanie. But I can't if it's a "we're just friends" beanie or a "I'm hot, you're hot, let's get it poppin'" beanie. So I'm gonna up the ante, give her a clearly romantic gift, and we'll get to the meaning of the beanie.
44570 8 14 Special Project 6639 Dwight Pam, pack up your post-natal swimwear, make it a one piece or this offer is rescinded, and join me on a fantastic barbeque one week from today in Tallahassee, Florida where I'm going to be living for the next three weeks.
44571 8 14 Special Project 6639 Pam Really?
44572 8 14 Special Project 6639 Dwight Mm hm.
44573 8 14 Special Project 6639 Pam I'll fly anywhere for some good barbeque.
44574 8 14 Special Project 6639 Jim Ooh, me three.
44575 8 14 Special Project 6639 Dwight Eh! No plus one's. This is for competent workers only. And don't worry about the cost, Sabre is footing the bill.
44576 8 14 Special Project 6639 Pam Does this have anything to do with what you were talking to Andy about?
44577 8 14 Special Project 6639 Dwight God, you're such a spy.
44578 8 14 Special Project 6640 Darryl Notice anything different about me?
44579 8 14 Special Project 6640 Val You're wearing the beanie. You like it?
44580 8 14 Special Project 6640 Darryl Super comfortable. Like sweatpants for my head.
44581 8 14 Special Project 6640 Nate I love it too Val. It's it's really itchy, uh but to be fair my head is constantly itching so I can't really peg it on the hat.
44582 8 14 Special Project 6640 Darryl Wow. It's like the nation of Islam down here.
44583 8 14 Special Project 6640 Val I like to knit, don't hate. And who's that for?
44584 8 14 Special Project 6640 Darryl Oh, this is a gift, for....my man Nate here.
44585 8 14 Special Project 6640 Nate What?
44586 8 14 Special Project 6640 Darryl Yeah.
44587 8 14 Special Project 6640 Nate Darryl, you shouldn't have.
44588 8 14 Special Project 6640 Darryl Hey.
44589 8 14 Special Project 6640 Nate Can I open it?
44590 8 14 Special Project 6640 Darryl No, no, no. Maybe just later.
44591 8 14 Special Project 6640 Nate Ah, I can't wait. I'm sorry. I get too excited. Darryl.
44592 8 14 Special Project 6640 Val Wow. Those are really nice.
44593 8 14 Special Project 6640 Nate They're so elegant.
44594 8 14 Special Project 6640 Val Cashmere.
44595 8 14 Special Project 6640 Nate How'd you know?
44596 8 14 Special Project 6640 Darryl Just a hunch. Your gift is on the way.
44597 8 14 Special Project 6640 Val Can't wait.
44598 8 14 Special Project 6640 Nate "I'm glad you're in my life. Happy Valentine's Day." Ugh, Darryl. I am glad to be in your life too. Oh, your card is more beautiful than the gloves.
44599 8 14 Special Project 6641 Dwight My first task as special project manager Dwight Shrute? Assembling a crack team. I need people who are loyal. People who'll help me get an inroad with the gay Hispanic community. People who won't be missed. We don't need idiots, good for nothing's, methheads or... What's your name?
44600 8 14 Special Project 6641 Kathy Kathy.
44601 8 14 Special Project 6641 Dwight Kathy.
44602 8 14 Special Project 6642 Jim I just got a text from Robert California that says "bring your clubs to Florida".
44603 8 14 Special Project 6642 Pam Why? Does he think you're going to Florida?
44604 8 14 Special Project 6642 Jim I hope not. Because I am not going. Two question marks?
44605 8 14 Special Project 6642 Pam No, just do one. Two question marks is kind of aggressive. You know it's like wha-what?? Just do one.
44606 8 14 Special Project 6643 Andy You wanna take Darryl, Phyllis, Toby, Angela and Oscar?
44607 8 14 Special Project 6643 Dwight Yes.
44608 8 14 Special Project 6643 Andy Can I interest you in someone less essential? Like uh a Creed or a Meredith perhaps?
44609 8 14 Special Project 6643 Dwight Oh my god.
44610 8 14 Special Project 6643 Andy They're not expendable exactly, I just can't...I can't think of the word I'm trying to find.
44611 8 14 Special Project 6643 Dwight Are you kidding me?! I'm supposed to get in an airplane with those nincompoops? We'd never get off the runway.
44612 8 14 Special Project 6643 Andy Alright, look. I gotta keep this office functioning somehow. So, I have put together a list, here's your team. Darryl and Phyllis you can have, but you're also taking Kathy, Kelly and Kevin.
44613 8 14 Special Project 6643 Dwight Oh god.
44614 8 14 Special Project 6643 Andy You have your team.
44615 8 14 Special Project 6644 Dwight Kevin!? Kelly!? Kathy!? Andy just gave me a chain with three weak links. Have you ever tried to use a chain with three weak links? I have. And now I no longer own an arctic wolf.
44616 8 14 Special Project 6645 Pam Well, let's hear it.
44617 8 14 Special Project 6645 Jim "Robert, Hey!" Exclamation point.
44618 8 14 Special Project 6645 Pam I like it so far.
44619 8 14 Special Project 6645 Jim "Got your text, awesome idea. Let's hit the links next time you're in PA" Dash JH.
44620 8 14 Special Project 6645 Pam It's perfect. You emphasized the golf, completely omit the Florida.
44621 8 14 Special Project 6645 Jim Yeah, it's a golf text.
44622 8 14 Special Project 6645 Pam Total golf text. Send it.
44623 8 14 Special Project 6645 Jim Duh- Wait. I just feel weird. I should just call him.
44624 8 14 Special Project 6645 Kelly You wanna call someone? That texted you!? Do you wanna drive them away? I mean, ugh.
44625 8 14 Special Project 6646 Darryl This is Darryl.
44626 8 14 Special Project 6646 Bob Vance Oh, sorry I asked for the main shipping number. I just need the address for the warehouse? I want to send my girlfriend some flowers.
44627 8 14 Special Project 6646 Darryl Your girlfriend? Is your girlfriend Val?
44628 8 14 Special Project 6646 Bob Vance Yeah, do you know her?
44629 8 14 Special Project 6646 Darryl We're friends. We're friends.
44630 8 14 Special Project 6646 Bob Vance Cool. Um, so can I get that address or...?
44631 8 14 Special Project 6646 Darryl Yeah sorry, I'm just looking for a pen.
44632 8 14 Special Project 6646 Bob Vance Why do you need a pen?
44633 8 14 Special Project 6646 Darryl Back off! I got my reasons.
44634 8 14 Special Project 6647 Dwight May I have your attention please? Could Kathy, Darryl, Phyllis, Kevin and Kelly please join me in the conference room immediately?
44635 8 14 Special Project 6647 Kelly Why?
44636 8 14 Special Project 6647 Dwight Oh, no big deal. It's just that you five have been deemed most deserving of a three week all expenses paid business trip to Tallahassee, Florida.
44637 8 14 Special Project 6647 Kelly Hell yeah.
44638 8 14 Special Project 6647 Stanley What?!
44639 8 14 Special Project 6647 Dwight Oh, I'm sorry Stanley, I can't share any more details with you. You see, Andy rejected you.
44640 8 14 Special Project 6647 Meredith Wait. Kathy gets to go? Uh, why does she even still work here? Pam is back.
44641 8 14 Special Project 6647 Oscar It just feels like a slap in the face.
44642 8 14 Special Project 6647 Dwight I can understand your pain and your rage, but you know what? Andy is an honorable man, let us not question his choices. I'm sure he had his reasons.
44643 8 14 Special Project 6647 Oscar We're not questioning his reasons. I just wanna know what they are.
44644 8 14 Special Project 6647 Dwight I know, you and me both, brother. It seemed kinda random to me, but he was pretty clear on who he thought truly deserved this boondoggle of a lifetime.
44645 8 14 Special Project 6647 Kevin Well, he nailed it because I do deserve a vacation. Sometimes Batman's gotta take off his cape.
44646 8 14 Special Project 6647 Dwight Good point. But we're gonna be working pretty hard until five PM. After that it's gonna be beach volleyball, trips to Cape Canaveral, and sea kayaking with Gloria Estefan.
44647 8 14 Special Project 6647 Ryan What are the criteria for going?
44648 8 14 Special Project 6647 Dwight It might be innate goodness versus innate badness? But there's an easy way to find out. Oh Andy, gotta few questions for you.
44649 8 14 Special Project 6647 Andy Mooshie mooshie.
44650 8 14 Special Project 6647 Dwight Uh, the Florida picks got out, and people were just kind of curious as to why they weren't picked and maybe you could just clarify?
44651 8 14 Special Project 6647 Andy Well uh...well the deliberations were confidential so...I feel like we should respect that.
44652 8 14 Special Project 6647 Stanley Respect it? You're trying to tell me Kevin Malone deserves more than Stanley Hudson.
44653 8 14 Special Project 6647 Kevin Hey!
44654 8 14 Special Project 6647 Angela Ok, it's obvious Andy picked the people that are least important to the office.
44655 8 14 Special Project 6647 Kelly Important? Oh because you and your enormous monster baby are so important to the branch.
44656 8 14 Special Project 6647 Angela My baby is not a monster!
44657 8 14 Special Project 6647 Dwight Hey. Be proud of your enormous monster baby. I was once an enormous monster baby.
44658 8 14 Special Project 6647 Andy Guys. Guys. Guys. Come on, seriously? We cannot let this trip cause this kind of rift, guys!
44659 8 14 Special Project 6647 Ryan Stop calling us "guys".
44660 8 14 Special Project 6648 Andy I use the word "guys" a lot when I'm nervous...guys.
44661 8 14 Special Project 6649 Andy Guys! Guys! Guys!
44662 8 14 Special Project 6649 Group Stop it!
44663 8 14 Special Project 6649 Andy Guys..
44664 8 14 Special Project 6649 Ryan Stop. Stop it Andy.
44665 8 14 Special Project 6649 Oscar ...Andy.
44666 8 14 Special Project 6649 Andy Dudes...the dudes who are going to Florida were picked by Dwight and me.
44667 8 14 Special Project 6649 Dwight OK hey. I specifically remember there were a lot of other people I thought should be considered.
44668 8 14 Special Project 6649 Andy Wha-
44669 8 14 Special Project 6649 Stanley If anybody's going to Florida, it should be me. Every shirt I have that isn't a work shirt is a Tommy Bahama. I'm the only person in this office who watches Burn Notice.
44670 8 14 Special Project 6649 Andy OK, I did not realize that so many of you wanted to go so badly, so if you feel like you have a very good reason to go to Florida, I'm happy to hear you out.
44671 8 14 Special Project 6649 Dwight Great idea! So why doesn't everyone just take the next five to six hours, come up with a statement on why you feel you deserve to go to Florida and Andy and I will listen to it.
44672 8 14 Special Project 6649 Andy No. That is a ridiculous waste of time.
44673 8 14 Special Project 6649 Kelly For you maybe.
44674 8 14 Special Project 6649 Andy Five to six hours?
44675 8 14 Special Project 6649 Dwight Three to four hours.
44676 8 14 Special Project 6649 Andy No no no no.
44677 8 14 Special Project 6649 Dwight Two to three hours...
44678 8 14 Special Project 6649 Andy Nope.
44679 8 14 Special Project 6649 Dwight Come up with a statement in the next hour....
44680 8 14 Special Project 6649 Andy Thirty minutes!
44681 8 14 Special Project 6649 Creed I'm out.
44682 8 14 Special Project 6650 Pam Ok, read it back to me.
44683 8 14 Special Project 6650 Jim Robert, great offer. Wish I could hit the links with you in Florida but a father of a newborn really should be helping out his wife any chance he gets.
44684 8 14 Special Project 6650 Pam Good. Doesn't sound pushy...you're just stating a fact.
44685 8 14 Special Project 6650 Erin Absolutely. Works for me.
44686 8 14 Special Project 6650 Jim Ok, sending.
44687 8 14 Special Project 6650 Pam Well done. And we managed to kill the entire morning.
44688 8 14 Special Project 6650 Jim Really did He responded L-O-L.
44689 8 14 Special Project 6651 Phyllis I have a new swimsuit I need to break in....
44690 8 14 Special Project 6651 Meredith I am...
44691 8 14 Special Project 6651 Dwight I have already picked my team: Darryl, Oscar, Angela, Phyllis and Toby and that is the team that I am taking. What's that? It's not up to me? I only have influence? Well, that's all Baltzer Gladfielder had and no one eats owls for Thanksgiving.
44692 8 14 Special Project 6652 Ryan You have two young dynamic people in this office who know trends, who know youth. That's myself and Kelly Kapoor, you need one of us there.
44693 8 14 Special Project 6652 Andy Or both?
44694 8 14 Special Project 6652 Ryan Not both. Just one, me. Or if not me, Kelly. Ideally me. Again, youth knowledge. That's what you get when you put Ryan Howard on your special project team...or Kelly Kapoor. Again, not both. Thanks.
44695 8 14 Special Project 6652 Andy Very impressive. He put a lot of work into that.
44696 8 14 Special Project 6652 Dwight Mm-hm. Powerpoints are the peacocks of the business world. All show, no meat.
44697 8 14 Special Project 6653 Kevin Because I feel like that I'm in a place with my gambling rehab that I can finally start going to dog racing again. You know, just sitting, watching, enjoying the sport? Maybe putting down a few dollars if there's like a crazy mismatch or something...
44698 8 14 Special Project 6653 Dwight Ok. Thank you Kevin, we'll let you know.
44699 8 14 Special Project 6653 Andy Thank you.
44700 8 14 Special Project 6653 Kevin When do we leave?
44701 8 14 Special Project 6653 Andy Thank you.
44702 8 14 Special Project 6654 Toby It has been a long, lonely winter.
44703 8 14 Special Project 6654 Dwight Wow. Seasonal effective disorder, AKA: sad. That sounds like a very real thing, Toby.
44704 8 14 Special Project 6654 Toby It is real, thank you for saying that.
44705 8 14 Special Project 6654 Andy Yeah, wow. It's almost like we're not all experiencing the same winter?
44706 8 14 Special Project 6655 Stanley Florida Stanley smiles. Florida Stanley is happy to go to work. Florida Stanley is who you want on your Florida team.
44707 8 14 Special Project 6656 Dwight Maybe it's what she does here...
44708 8 14 Special Project 6656 Andy Well...
44709 8 14 Special Project 6656 Erin Hey guys, any spots left?
44710 8 14 Special Project 6656 Andy Erin, you wanna go to Tallahassee?
44711 8 14 Special Project 6656 Erin I do. I really do. I think it would be a nice way to clear my head.
44712 8 14 Special Project 6656 Dwight You know I don't think it's a good idea for you to clear your head any more than it has been already. I think you need a workplace where the burdens of everyday life keep you tethered to reality.
44713 8 14 Special Project 6656 Erin Either or. But if you can find someone to fill in, I would love to go.
44714 8 14 Special Project 6656 Andy Well it wouldn't be hard to find someone to fill in..
44715 8 14 Special Project 6656 Erin Really? Oh, great. Good, ahem, good.
44716 8 14 Special Project 6657 Jim Now, is it too dark to say that Cici's having an operation?
44717 8 14 Special Project 6657 Pam I think you need to go to Florida.
44718 8 14 Special Project 6657 Jim I think you're right.
44719 8 14 Special Project 6657 Pam It's only for three weeks, you know with my mom and sister at the house it'll be..
44720 8 14 Special Project 6657 Jim Total nightmare.
44721 8 14 Special Project 6657 Pam I was going to say good because I'll have all the help I need?
44722 8 14 Special Project 6657 Jim Yeah, that's what I'm saying. They're incredibly helpful, you're lucky to have them. I mean with them there, you probably won't even know I'm gone.
44723 8 14 Special Project 6657 Pam Exactly.
44724 8 14 Special Project 6658 Dwight Well, No! No! Absolutely not! You are not going. Over my dead body, no. Andy?
44725 8 14 Special Project 6658 Andy Tuns, I'm really sorry. You're too essential to the operation here, I can't let you go.
44726 8 14 Special Project 6658 Dwight I wouldn't say that...it's a bit much.
44727 8 14 Special Project 6658 Jim You know Dwight, if you didn't want me to go the smart move would be to tell Andy that I actually am essential to the operation. That way I couldn't go.
44728 8 14 Special Project 6658 Dwight Jim is essential to th-
44729 8 14 Special Project 6658 Jim Hold on, just wanna get it on camera.
44730 8 14 Special Project 6658 Dwight Andy, Jim is just too...essen-...
44731 8 14 Special Project 6658 Jim Essential.
44732 8 14 Special Project 6658 Dwight This is stupid! Cut.
44733 8 14 Special Project 6658 Jim Alright, I'm gonna pack my trunks.
44734 8 14 Special Project 6658 Dwight He doesn't even want to go.
44735 8 14 Special Project 6658 Jim Well, I got a text from RC inviting me to come down so I think that's gonna make us roomates.
44736 8 14 Special Project 6658 Dwight Oh my god.
44737 8 14 Special Project 6658 Jim Hey, quick question: Do you shower at night or in the morning? Cause I wanna shower when you're showering. Save some water.
44738 8 14 Special Project 6659 Andy OK, listen up everyone, here's who's going to Florida: Kathy..
44739 8 14 Special Project 6659 Dwight What?
44740 8 14 Special Project 6659 Andy ....Stanley..
44741 8 14 Special Project 6659 Dwight No.
44742 8 14 Special Project 6659 Andy ...Ryan...
44743 8 14 Special Project 6659 Dwight No!
44744 8 14 Special Project 6659 Andy ...Erin...
44745 8 14 Special Project 6659 Dwight (Bleep)
44746 8 14 Special Project 6659 Andy ...And, Jim.
44747 8 14 Special Project 6659 Dwight You've gotta be (bleep)-ing kidding me. Ok. Ok, Florida group, welcome to the team. AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
44748 8 14 Special Project 6660 Dwight Let's go, step it up you runts. You infants, let's move.
44749 8 14 Special Project 6660 Stanley Why is it so hot in here?
44750 8 14 Special Project 6660 Dwight Hot? What are you talking about? This is a nice temperate Florida morning. Eighty-five degrees, seventy-five percent humidity. This is the exact environment you will be facing for the next three weeks of your life. Welcome to special projects orientation. The next three weeks of your life are gonna be the most miserable you've ever faced. They're gonna be hard, they're gonna be dirty. You're gonna wish you were dead.
44751 8 14 Special Project 6660 Ryan But...
44752 8 14 Special Project 6660 Dwight But? There's not buts. That's it. You'll wish you were dead. You seem a little disturbed, you wanna stay here?
44753 8 14 Special Project 6660 Ryan No no, I want to go.
44754 8 14 Special Project 6660 Dwight Cause if any of you would prefer to stay here, all you need to do is ring this bell.
44755 8 14 Special Project 6660 Jim Is that the buzzer from Taboo?
44756 8 14 Special Project 6660 Dwight SHUT UP MAGGOT! YOU DON'T WANT TO GO, RING THE BELL! RING IT! Ring it.
44757 8 14 Special Project 6661 Dwight How many of you have seen the documentary Deliverance?
44758 8 14 Special Project 6661 Stanley How did a mosquito get in here?
44759 8 14 Special Project 6662 Dwight I released three hundred mosquitoes in the conference room, just temporarily. When I'm done, the frogs will take care of the mosquitoes.
44760 8 14 Special Project 6663 Dwight Yes, when he brushes your soft supple cheeks with his worn leathery hands and says "I'm gonna make you the seventh Mrs. Rosenblatt" unless you ring this bell. Ring it! Ring the bell. You wanna spend the rest of your life changing your husband's colostomy bags? Huh? Do you? Ring it! Wha-, oh. What was that?
44761 8 14 Special Project 6663 Jim Mosquito.
44762 8 14 Special Project 6663 Dwight Orientation is over.
44763 8 14 Special Project 6664 Nate Oh Darryl, hey.
44764 8 14 Special Project 6664 Darryl Hey what's up? You called?
44765 8 14 Special Project 6664 Nate Yeah, you know I, I felt really terrible that you got me these lovely gloves and I didn't get you anything...
44766 8 14 Special Project 6664 Darryl It's cool really.
44767 8 14 Special Project 6664 Nate No, it's anything but cool. Now I haven't really had time to go out and buy you anything, but uh, here goes.
44768 8 14 Special Project 6664 Darryl "This coupon entitles you to one free tickle monster attack"
44769 8 14 Special Project 6664 Nate Yeah, they're Nate coupons. Or Nate-pons. And they're all different. Cash that one in and I will bring you a stick of gum, anytime, any place. I'll find you.
44770 8 14 Special Project 6664 Darryl Thanks. Nice flowers.
44771 8 14 Special Project 6664 Val Thanks, they're from my mom.
44772 8 14 Special Project 6664 Darryl Your mom?
44773 8 14 Special Project 6664 Val Yeah.
44774 8 14 Special Project 6664 Darryl Uh. So I guess that was your mom who called me earlier looking for the address? Real deep voiced woman?
44775 8 14 Special Project 6664 Val Yeah, that's her.
44776 8 14 Special Project 6664 Darryl She said her name was Brandon, I think. Your mom's name is Brandon?
44777 8 14 Special Project 6664 Val Yeah Darryl, my mom's name is Brandon.
44778 8 14 Special Project 6665 Darryl Then I guess I figured out where I stand. This is a love beanie.
44779 8 14 Special Project 6666 Dwight Ok, Florida team, let's reconvene.
44780 8 14 Special Project 6667 Erin I'm going to Florida.....and I'm not coming back.
44781 8 14 Special Project 6668 Dwight So Sabre has set up a conference room for our use while we're at corporate.
44782 8 14 Special Project 6668 Jim So, what is this special project?
44783 8 14 Special Project 6668 Dwight Basically Sabre has tasked us with helping them branch into the retail marketplace. They want to set up their own version of an Apple store.
44784 8 14 Special Project 6668 Jim That sounds awesome.
44785 8 14 Special Project 6668 Dwight It did, it did.
44786 8 14 Special Project 6668 Ryan You know what might be great? Is if instead of a genius bar we have a lounge area where people can ask questions about the product with other customers who liked it.
44787 8 14 Special Project 6668 Erin Yeah. And they should have a place where people can check their computers or printers before they see you so you don't have to carry it around like a dope. Like a coat check. Oh, don't write it down unless you like it.
44788 8 14 Special Project 6668 Dwight Oh, I like it.
44789 8 14 Special Project 6668 Ryan It seems to me that the Apple store is kind of like a party. So I think our question is: How do we make this a better party?
44790 8 14 Special Project 6668 Dwight No. We sell business tools and the stores need to reflect that. They need to be all business. Let all the other stores look like a toy store.
44791 8 14 Special Project 6668 Ryan Right. Think different, from Apple.
44792 8 14 Special Project 6668 Jim Dwight, is now a good time to go over what you expect of us?
44793 8 14 Special Project 6668 Dwight Yes. What are my expectations for the group?
44794 8 14 Special Project 6669 Dwight I have been given the responsibility to manage Stanley, a solid player, Ryan, who is capable of surprises, Erin, an excellent follower and Kathy, a probably not totally useless enigma. And, well, Jim. Under the right manager, that's not a bad team. Perfectinschlag.
44795 8 14 Special Project 6670 Kelly I don't know how I'm going to live here without you.
44796 8 14 Special Project 6670 Ryan Me neither. Hey, will you put this coat on my chair? I just realized I'm not going to need it down there.
44797 8 14 Special Project 6670 Kelly Yes, I will take your coat. And I will keep it with me, and I will sleep with it because it smells like you.
44798 8 14 Special Project 6670 Ryan No, no, no, no. Just put it on my chair.
44799 8 14 Special Project 6671 Pam Alright
44800 8 14 Special Project 6671 Jim Bye.
44801 8 14 Special Project 6671 Pam Bye. Call me when you land.
44802 8 14 Special Project 6671 Jim I will.
44803 8 14 Special Project 6671 Andy Safe travels.
44804 8 14 Special Project 6671 Erin Goodbye for a very very long time.
44805 8 14 Special Project 6671 Andy Oh, K. It's only three weeks.
44806 8 14 Special Project 6672 Kathy All expenses paid. Yeah, Jim's gonna be there. Their marriage is not good. Nobody knows better than me. Definitely we will. It's three weeks in Tallahassee, what else is there to do?
44807 8 15 Tallahassee 6673 Dwight Today is the first day of Sabre's new project to develop a chain of retail stores. I am meeting my new boss, Nellie Bertram, head of special projects. Work starts at nine. Sabre HQ is thirty minutes away, driving the speed limit. Giving everyone twenty minutes to shower, plus fifty for Jim to style his hair, twenty for breakfast, forty for Erin to get lost between her room and the lobby, ninety for Ryan to do his morning ecstasy... We're already twenty minutes late.
44808 8 15 Tallahassee 6674 Dwight Wake up!
44809 8 15 Tallahassee 6675 Dwight Hey, hey, hey, hey! Wake up! Ow! Why are you sleeping that way?
44810 8 15 Tallahassee 6675 Erin Oh. I was reading the mattress tag and I fell asleep.
44811 8 15 Tallahassee 6676 Dwight Stanley! Wake up! You've got to wake up, the hotel's on fire!
44812 8 15 Tallahassee 6676 Erin Stanley, wake up, it's pretzel day!
44813 8 15 Tallahassee 6676 Stanley Mmm! Ugh!
44814 8 15 Tallahassee 6676 Dwight Good morning.
44815 8 15 Tallahassee 6677 Erin Hey, wake up. Let's have some fun. We're in Florida now.
44816 8 15 Tallahassee 6677 Ryan Hey, you. I'm so glad this is happening. I actually came to your door twice last night. Come on in, the water's fine. Oh, not cool!
44817 8 15 Tallahassee 6678 Jim I am on the two kid sleep schedule so I'm up and at 'em at four fifteen, but no kids, so I honestly didn't know what to do with myself, and then I thought of something. Uh-
44818 8 15 Tallahassee 6678 Dwight Heeeere's Dwi- what the-? Oh man.
44819 8 15 Tallahassee 6678 Erin What do you think happened?
44820 8 15 Tallahassee 6678 Dwight Looks like Jim got mixed up with some bad apples. Oh no, no, no, no. It wasn't me. I gotta find Luwanda at The Alcohol Club. Oh.
44821 8 15 Tallahassee 6679 Jim Puppet.
44822 8 15 Tallahassee 6679 Cathy Cool, for your kids?
44823 8 15 Tallahassee 6679 Jim Yeah. It's weird being away from them. Never done this before.
44824 8 15 Tallahassee 6679 Dwight Attention, Dunder Mifflin group. Proceed outside. The vehicle is waiting. Seats have been assigned. Shotgun goes to Ryan. Congratulations, Ryan.
44825 8 15 Tallahassee 6680 Dwight I need to make Nellie see me as a leader today. First impressions get locked in forever. When I first met Pam, she said something that slightly rubbed me the wrong way. Since then I've loved working with Pam and she's frankly wonderful, but I hate her.
44826 8 15 Tallahassee 6681 Dwight I'll have a bottle of the antacid. Also, I want to get a souvenir for my son, but his mother doesn't acknowledge my paternity. Do you have anything for that? Also, I want it to have a Florida feel.
44827 8 15 Tallahassee 6681 Saleswoman What does he like?
44828 8 15 Tallahassee 6681 Dwight Power.
44829 8 15 Tallahassee 6682 Ryan Okay, and this one is, "Huh. Don't see too many museums around here."
44830 8 15 Tallahassee 6682 Dwight Okay, Twiggy, that's enough. Get in the car.
44831 8 15 Tallahassee 6682 Erin Hey, are you okay?
44832 8 15 Tallahassee 6682 Dwight I'm fine, okay? It's just stress. You know, 'cause I care about this project. And frankly the fact that none of you are vomiting or diarrheal right now I find very alarming.
44833 8 15 Tallahassee 6682 Erin Who says none of us are diarrheal?
44834 8 15 Tallahassee 6682 Jim Are you sure it's stress? Because I did poison you.
44835 8 15 Tallahassee 6682 Dwight Very funny, Jim.
44836 8 15 Tallahassee 6682 Jim Oh no, I'm serious. I was thinking, "For this trip I have to do something epic, so what should that be?" and then I thought of it. I'll poison you. What are you gonna do? You gonna steal my newspaper or put a cricket in my cereal or something?
44837 8 15 Tallahassee 6682 Dwight I'm gonna set your face on fire.
44838 8 15 Tallahassee 6682 Jim That's a good one. Whoa, Stanley! Did you just come back from burning down a rival nightclub?
44839 8 15 Tallahassee 6682 Stanley Laugh it up, Halpert. I'm in Florida for a month without my family. I'm gonna enjoy this. Want to get in? You can work the iPod.
44840 8 15 Tallahassee 6682 Jim Yes.
44841 8 15 Tallahassee 6682 Stanley You're a nice guy, Jim, but you have no idea how to vacation. Find some Kenny Loggins.
44842 8 15 Tallahassee 6682 Jim Loggins and Messina.
44843 8 15 Tallahassee 6682 Stanley Did I say "Messina?"
44844 8 15 Tallahassee 6683 Andy Ahh! Sorry I couldn't resist. It's so quiet.
44845 8 15 Tallahassee 6683 Creed I like it. It's so peaceful, I've already written like, twelve plays today.
44846 8 15 Tallahassee 6683 Andy It's so quiet, one might say, you could hear a pin... I thought that would be cooler.
44847 8 15 Tallahassee 6683 Darryl I loved it.
44848 8 15 Tallahassee 6683 Meredith Hey, can you pick up the pin? Some of us like to work in our bare feet.
44849 8 15 Tallahassee 6683 Andy Of course, I will pick up the pin. It is right here. Got it.
44850 8 15 Tallahassee 6683 Oscar Can we see that? Did you really find it?
44851 8 15 Tallahassee 6683 Andy Yes, right here. Got it. Dink, ow. In the trash.
44852 8 15 Tallahassee 6683 Pam Hey, why is it so quiet? Shouldn't the phone be ringing? Uh-oh. Erin set the phone to voicemail.
44853 8 15 Tallahassee 6683 Everyone Oh great.
44854 8 15 Tallahassee 6683 Kelly We're screwed.
44855 8 15 Tallahassee 6683 Pam There.
44856 8 15 Tallahassee 6683 Andy Oh! There we go! Pam?
44857 8 15 Tallahassee 6683 Pam Yeah?
44858 8 15 Tallahassee 6683 Andy Can you get the phone?
44859 8 15 Tallahassee 6683 Pam Well I'm not the receptionist.
44860 8 15 Tallahassee 6683 Andy Mm, well, you used to be.
44861 8 15 Tallahassee 6683 Pam I know, but I can't cover reception. I have a ton of work to do.
44862 8 15 Tallahassee 6683 Andy Phone's ringing.
44863 8 15 Tallahassee 6683 Kelly Will one of you get the phone? I am freaking out! I know it's for me. Are you guys kidding me? Stop flirting and someone get the phone!
44864 8 15 Tallahassee 6683 Everyone Somebody! Answer the phone.
44865 8 15 Tallahassee 6683 Kelly Andy, pick up the phone!
44866 8 15 Tallahassee 6683 Stanley Get the damn phone.
44867 8 15 Tallahassee 6683 Meredith You're the closest one to it.
44868 8 15 Tallahassee 6683 Andy Fine. Hello, Dunder Mifflin. Hello, you've reached Dunder Mifflin. How may I be of service?
44869 8 15 Tallahassee 6684 Jim Man.
44870 8 15 Tallahassee 6684 Cathy How was the drive?
44871 8 15 Tallahassee 6684 Jim Fantastic. Stanley drives so fast.
44872 8 15 Tallahassee 6684 Stanley Life is short. "Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse." That's one of my mottoes.
44873 8 15 Tallahassee 6684 Jim I would love to hear the other mottos.
44874 8 15 Tallahassee 6685 Packer Quick query, Halpert.
44875 8 15 Tallahassee 6685 Jim No way.
44876 8 15 Tallahassee 6685 Packer Still queer?
44877 8 15 Tallahassee 6685 Dwight Packer.
44878 8 15 Tallahassee 6685 Packer You can't put me down. Too strong!
44879 8 15 Tallahassee 6686 Packer Yeah, Dwight and Jim tried to get me fired, but I landed on my feet down here in Florida. You see, this cat's got nine lives, and a nine-inch-
44880 8 15 Tallahassee 6687 Nellie Psst. Say, "So who's leading this thing, anyway?"
44881 8 15 Tallahassee 6687 Ryan So who's leading this thing, anyway?
44882 8 15 Tallahassee 6687 Nellie Psst. Say, "I can't wait to meet him."
44883 8 15 Tallahassee 6687 Ryan I can't wait to meet him.
44884 8 15 Tallahassee 6687 Nellie Him, you say? Don't think a woman can be a leader?
44885 8 15 Tallahassee 6687 Ryan I-
44886 8 15 Tallahassee 6687 Nellie You poor, simple boy. Expected a man, did you? Strong, powerful. Huge, whopping pen1s? Well, sorry to disappoint, but my huge, whopping pen1s is right here, and I'm not afraid to use it. So stop looking at my breasts, and start looking at my pen1s. I'm Nellie Bertram, president of special projects. In the next few weeks we're going to throw everything you know about business out of the window and do it our own way. Are your minds blown? So, how did this special project come about anyway? Well, I interviewed to be the manager of your branch. After you decided I wasn't "a good fit-"
44887 8 15 Tallahassee 6687 Jim It was-
44888 8 15 Tallahassee 6687 Nellie Ah! It was. I went on a shopping spree. Very destructive. I bought thirteen pianos. Then I realized, what if Sabre had a store? Hmm? So I called Jo, old friend, founder of Sabre, and I told her and she grabbed me by the shoulders and she said, "Yes!" So let's talk about the Sabre store then. Probably gonna look stupid, right? Like a big turd with a door on the front, right? What do you think it should look like?
44889 8 15 Tallahassee 6687 Cathy Um, it might be fun if each store had a different theme, like a beach one, a winter one, a jungle one.
44890 8 15 Tallahassee 6687 Nellie No, not a big fan of the winter aesthetic.
44891 8 15 Tallahassee 6687 Cathy Well that was just one idea. It doesn't have to be winter.
44892 8 15 Tallahassee 6687 Nellie Oh, no, it does. It does. It has to be winter, and I reject it. So I drew up a design concept. Probably gonna be rubbish, right? Would you like to look at it? Just so you could laugh at it.
44893 8 15 Tallahassee 6687 Erin Yeah!
44894 8 15 Tallahassee 6687 Nellie Let me just get the projector working.
44895 8 15 Tallahassee 6687 Dwight Uh.
44896 8 15 Tallahassee 6687 Jim You got to stop with the antacids. It's not the antidote.
44897 8 15 Tallahassee 6687 Dwight You didn't poison me, it's just stress.
44898 8 15 Tallahassee 6687 Jim Okay.
44899 8 15 Tallahassee 6687 Dwight What is the antidote?
44900 8 15 Tallahassee 6687 Jim True love's kiss.
44901 8 15 Tallahassee 6687 Nellie Jim, help me lower this screen. You're a big, tall man. You'd be hilarious trying to do it, like a little boy. Just let go of his balloon.
44902 8 15 Tallahassee 6687 Dwight I'll do it! I always say, "You want something done right? Ask Dwight." Right? Dwight. Right? Dwight. Right Dwight, right Dwight. Sorry, now you'll never be able to get that out of your head.
44903 8 15 Tallahassee 6687 Packer I can do it.
44904 8 15 Tallahassee 6687 Dwight Mmm! There we go.
44905 8 15 Tallahassee 6688 Dwight Yes, a complete inability to pass gas, pervert. Ugh, yeah, it's tender. It can't be appendicitis, I eat more than enough bacon. Okay, what poison mimics the symptoms of appendicitis? Oh, you don't know? Hold on. What kind of poison did you use?
44906 8 15 Tallahassee 6688 Jim Dwight, I didn't poison you. I was kidding.
44907 8 15 Tallahassee 6688 Dwight Yeah, I'm gonna need an ambulance. Hold on, I have the address in my phone. Hold on. Hold on one second. Uh, quick question. Vice president, uh, who is that? There's no name listed.
44908 8 15 Tallahassee 6688 Nellie Is there not? Maybe I'm just waiting for someone to wow me.
44909 8 15 Tallahassee 6688 Emergency Operator Sir? Sir, where should we send the ambulance?
44910 8 15 Tallahassee 6688 Dwight Send it to the frickin' moon, idiot.
44911 8 15 Tallahassee 6689 Packer I tell you what though, since my move down to Florida I've really gotten back into hunting big time.
44912 8 15 Tallahassee 6689 Nellie Hunting's so primal. Almost sexual.
44913 8 15 Tallahassee 6689 Packer Totally. I mean, I'd never bang an animal, you can hardly tell the difference between a boy or a girl, you know, but hunting's intense.
44914 8 15 Tallahassee 6689 Dwight You talking about hunting? I love hunting. I'm a master hunter.
44915 8 15 Tallahassee 6689 Packer Did you say "masturbator?"
44916 8 15 Tallahassee 6689 Dwight I'm a decent baiter. My cousin Mose, that's a master baiter.
44917 8 15 Tallahassee 6689 Nellie Why are you sitting down like that?
44918 8 15 Tallahassee 6689 Dwight Why is everyone else standing up? Okay team, let's get back to work! Break's over!
44919 8 15 Tallahassee 6690 Jim Wow. Are you that bored?
44920 8 15 Tallahassee 6690 Stanley It's just rum. I'm not bored, I'm a pirate.
44921 8 15 Tallahassee 6690 Jim Is that another motto?
44922 8 15 Tallahassee 6690 Stanley It's whatever you want.
44923 8 15 Tallahassee 6690 Jim Mmm.
44924 8 15 Tallahassee 6690 Stanley Or do you only drink with your kids?
44925 8 15 Tallahassee 6690 Jim Ah, let's do it. Oh, that's healthy.
44926 8 15 Tallahassee 6691 Jim I've spent so much of my life telling myself "Please, don't end up like Stanley," and now I'm wondering if I even have what it takes.
44927 8 15 Tallahassee 6692 Nellie We have the Sabre Pyramid, right? Hmm? We've got a bunch of humans. You guys, humans... pyramid. Human pyramid. Do you follow? It's a team-building exercise. You'll love it. Who's in? Hmm?
44928 8 15 Tallahassee 6692 Packer Yup. Tallahassee, let's go.
44929 8 15 Tallahassee 6692 Erin Jim, are you in?
44930 8 15 Tallahassee 6692 Jim Oh, I don't know.
44931 8 15 Tallahassee 6692 Stanley Sounds like a hoot. I'm in.
44932 8 15 Tallahassee 6692 Jim All right, what the heck? Let's do it.
44933 8 15 Tallahassee 6692 Packer This is great. This is gonna be great.
44934 8 15 Tallahassee 6692 Nellie I feel like I'm in ancient Egypt.
44935 8 15 Tallahassee 6692 Dwight I'll be on top. It's the most important position.
44936 8 15 Tallahassee 6692 Ryan Dude, I think you have appendicitis.
44937 8 15 Tallahassee 6692 Dwight Ahh!
44938 8 15 Tallahassee 6692 Ryan Dwight?
44939 8 15 Tallahassee 6692 Jim Dwight, why don't we just hold off with the human pyramids for a while?
44940 8 15 Tallahassee 6692 Dwight Everyone stop moving! Everyone stop wiggling! Oh, I feel like I'm gonna vomit!
44941 8 15 Tallahassee 6692 Packer Dude, don't you yak on me. This shirt is Van Heusen.
44942 8 15 Tallahassee 6692 Dwight Stop moving!
44943 8 15 Tallahassee 6692 Jim No one's moving!
44944 8 15 Tallahassee 6692 Dwight Oh!
44945 8 15 Tallahassee 6692 Everyone Oh, oh!
44946 8 15 Tallahassee 6693 Dwight Arrest Jim. He poisoned me.
44947 8 15 Tallahassee 6693 Jim Wha- no. No, it was not a poisoning.
44948 8 15 Tallahassee 6694 Jim The one thing Pam made sure I knew, Florida's pretty loose with the death penalty.
44949 8 15 Tallahassee 6694 Paramedic You need an operation. You have appendicitis.
44950 8 15 Tallahassee 6694 Ryan Oh! Who called it? Nothin' but net.
44951 8 15 Tallahassee 6694 Erin How long will he be gone?
44952 8 15 Tallahassee 6694 Paramedic Two or three days.
44953 8 15 Tallahassee 6694 Dwight Don't remember me like this. Remember me as the man who pulled down the screen.
44954 8 15 Tallahassee 6694 Packer Drama queen, am I right?
44955 8 15 Tallahassee 6694 Dwight Phillip, if you're hearing this memo, that can only mean one thing, I'm dead. You are the rightful heir to Schrute Farms. Please, you must do one thing. Kill Mose before he kills you. Mose, hey, it's Dwight. Listen, yeah, I just want to give you a heads-up.
44956 8 15 Tallahassee 6694 Packer That was an interesting diversion. Shall we get back to the meeting?
44957 8 15 Tallahassee 6695 Pam Whoa, are those mini pizzas?
44958 8 15 Tallahassee 6695 Andy Yeah, I figured we'd keep things savory while Oscar's mouth is in canker country. I also have some bacon-wrapped dates on deck.
44959 8 15 Tallahassee 6695 Kevin Look at these little mini pizzas. Does this make me look huge? Hey guys, look at me, I'm huge.
44960 8 15 Tallahassee 6695 Andy Hey Darryl, good news, your fax went through.
44961 8 15 Tallahassee 6695 Darryl Oh yeah.
44962 8 15 Tallahassee 6695 Andy Up high.
44963 8 15 Tallahassee 6695 Darryl Yes sir. Thanks.
44964 8 15 Tallahassee 6695 Andy Dunder Mifflin, this is Andy. I put out some new magazines, check it out.
44965 8 15 Tallahassee 6695 Creed Ah, Dwell.
44966 8 15 Tallahassee 6695 Andy I'm acting like I like reception and I'm a really good actor, so people are actually buying that I actually like reception, but, I mean, seriously, reception sucks. Oh, there's the phone!
44967 8 15 Tallahassee 6696 Dwight I just got out of surgery. What's going on? Fill me in.
44968 8 15 Tallahassee 6696 Erin Well, we broke into groups and the groups are doing presentations later.
44969 8 15 Tallahassee 6696 Dwight Who's doing the presentations?
44970 8 15 Tallahassee 6696 Erin Packer's giving one. Jim'll probably give ours, I guess.
44971 8 15 Tallahassee 6696 Dwight Damn it!
44972 8 15 Tallahassee 6696 Erin Let's see, what else have you missed? Ryan switched his name tag to his pants, so now it's like if you wear yours on your shirt, you're a total dip, but if you switch, you're a copycat. But I think I figured out a solution. What else? My shoes are gonna-
44973 8 15 Tallahassee 6697 Packer #NAME?
44974 8 15 Tallahassee 6697 Nellie Very good point.
44975 8 15 Tallahassee 6697 Dwight Yeah Todd, decent idea. Obvious, but interesting.
44976 8 15 Tallahassee 6697 Nellie Dwight, are you all right?
44977 8 15 Tallahassee 6697 Dwight I'm great. How are you?
44978 8 15 Tallahassee 6698 Dwight What's our presentation about?
44979 8 15 Tallahassee 6698 Jim Dwight, will you go back to the hospital? You were there for like three hours.
44980 8 15 Tallahassee 6698 Dwight I got the surgery, what else is there to do?
44981 8 15 Tallahassee 6698 Erin Do a hundred jumping jacks.
44982 8 15 Tallahassee 6698 Dwight No, I don't feel like it. You do a hundred jumping jacks.
44983 8 15 Tallahassee 6698 Erin I don't feel like it either!
44984 8 15 Tallahassee 6699 Erin Ninety-seven, ninety-eight, ninety-nine-
44985 8 15 Tallahassee 6700 Dwight I want that vice-presidency.
44986 8 15 Tallahassee 6700 Jim You haven't done any of the research.
44987 8 15 Tallahassee 6700 Dwight "You're too slow, you're too small, Seabiscuit is a stupid name." You guys sound just like the enemies of Seabiscuit. I'm going to do it.
44988 8 15 Tallahassee 6700 Stanley Aw, let him do it.
44989 8 15 Tallahassee 6700 Jim Stanley, are you listening to music?
44990 8 15 Tallahassee 6700 Stanley Yup.
44991 8 15 Tallahassee 6700 Dwight All right, who's ready for the next presentation?
44992 8 15 Tallahassee 6700 Nellie Ah, what is your topic?
44993 8 15 Tallahassee 6700 Dwight What is our topic? Oh, what a topic it is.
44994 8 15 Tallahassee 6700 Erin Retail consumer habits.
44995 8 15 Tallahassee 6700 Dwight Really? Okay. Retail consumer habits is... The only thing you need to know about retail consumer habits is that consumers are mindless lemmings. They just want to be told what to do. Fast forward to today, and the retail consumer is independent, well-informed, super smart. Super smart. Okay.
44996 8 15 Tallahassee 6701 Dwight Shopping habits are both seasonal and cyclical. What does this mean?
44997 8 15 Tallahassee 6701 Ryan I can field this one.
44998 8 15 Tallahassee 6701 Dwight No, sit down. "Seasonal." Well, the Christmas shopping season is certainly a busy one, back-to-school is, as well, and in early summer it seems to slow down a bit, but shopping is also cyclical. The menstrual cycle determines every choice a woman makes. You see, during ovulation, a woman's only goal is to get pregnant, and during menses, she is sad that she has failed. And how does the woman console herself? Shopping. Shopping. Just- Jim, could you fetch me some ice chips? Thank you. Just gonna... take a... brief pause at this point. Thank you. Oh, God. Next slide.
44999 8 15 Tallahassee 6702 Andy Mail call! His name is Oscar, and he got some mail, and he better open it, or go to jail 'cause it's your taxes. His name is Kevin, and no mail for him, but he got a coupon, for some frozen... yogurt.
45000 8 15 Tallahassee 6702 Kevin Are those the lyrics?
45001 8 15 Tallahassee 6703 Dwight Anderson's three pillars of retail. Crucial. So important. Next. Are there any questions?
45002 8 15 Tallahassee 6703 Nellie What are the three pillars of retail?
45003 8 15 Tallahassee 6703 Erin Convenience.
45004 8 15 Tallahassee 6703 Dwight Ingredients.
45005 8 15 Tallahassee 6703 Erin Service.
45006 8 15 Tallahassee 6703 Dwight Burgers.
45007 8 15 Tallahassee 6703 Erin Building loyalty.
45008 8 15 Tallahassee 6703 Dwight Killing royalty. The truth be told, we should really disregard Anderson's three pillars. He was later diagnosed with dementia. You know what is important? Is Dwight's pillars, and there is only one: desire. Do we have a desire to dominate the retail space? Not just succeed in it, but to dominate, and looking around this room I'm not so sure that we do, but we can get there, and I can lead us there, and that is all that matters.
45009 8 15 Tallahassee 6703 Nellie Very true. Where there's a will, there's a way. I once spent a passionate night with Hugh Grant's brother, John Grant. He's older than Hugh, just a little bit uglier. How did I pull that off? Sheer force of will. That is very good, Dwight.
45010 8 15 Tallahassee 6703 Dwight Thank you very much. Any other questions? Jim?
45011 8 15 Tallahassee 6703 Jim You are bleeding through your shirt.
45012 8 15 Tallahassee 6703 Dwight Oops. That's embarrassing. Egg on my face. Ah.
45013 8 15 Tallahassee 6704 Pam Hey, having fun?
45014 8 15 Tallahassee 6704 Andy Yes I am, as a matter of fact.
45015 8 15 Tallahassee 6704 Pam Well I know how it is. I know it's a lot of fun. I don't know how it is. Andy, this is a lame job. What are you doing here?
45016 8 15 Tallahassee 6704 Andy I found my calling.
45017 8 15 Tallahassee 6704 Darryl Andy, when I was twelve years old, we did a field trip, a lock-in at the zoo. I met this girl, I thought she was so perfect. I was in love with her. But when the sun came up, I knew it wasn't real, 'cause she was ugly and I had grown tired of her. I know you want reception today, but tomorrow you won't want to do her. She's a dog.
45018 8 15 Tallahassee 6704 Pam Guys, I don't like this analogy.
45019 8 15 Tallahassee 6704 Andy Ugh! Fine. Did you see this?
45020 8 15 Tallahassee 6704 Pam It's nice.
45021 8 15 Tallahassee 6704 Andy I mean...
45022 8 15 Tallahassee 6705 Nellie How are you feeling?
45023 8 15 Tallahassee 6705 Dwight Amazing. Just lost four ounces of appendix, already replaced it with muscle.
45024 8 15 Tallahassee 6705 Nellie Can I see the wound?
45025 8 15 Tallahassee 6705 Dwight Oh God.
45026 8 15 Tallahassee 6705 Nellie Oh! That's disgusting. That's barely healed.
45027 8 15 Tallahassee 6705 Dwight You're not paying me to heal, you're paying me to kick ass.
45028 8 15 Tallahassee 6705 Nellie A few hours ago, your body was open like a cabinet.
45029 8 15 Tallahassee 6705 Dwight That's right.
45030 8 15 Tallahassee 6705 Nellie That is amazing. Todd, look at that.
45031 8 15 Tallahassee 6705 Packer Oh, yikes. Incoming-
45032 8 15 Tallahassee 6705 Dwight Ah! Not so fast.
45033 8 15 Tallahassee 6705 Nellie Would you come in early tomorrow so we can talk about the store over breakfast? I feel you have a lot to offer.
45034 8 15 Tallahassee 6705 Packer It would be an honor, ma'am.
45035 8 15 Tallahassee 6705 Dwight I'll go ahead and cancel my post-op check-up right now.
45036 8 15 Tallahassee 6706 Dwight I had two goals today. The first was to make myself the clear candidate for vice president. I achieved that, no thanks to my appendix. The second was to find a memorable souvenir for Philip. For that, I do have to thank my appendix.
45037 8 15 Tallahassee 6707 Andy Dunder Mifflin, how can I help you save money on paper? This is Andrew.
45038 8 15 Tallahassee 6707 Donna Muraski Hi Andrew. What happened to Erin?
45039 8 15 Tallahassee 6707 Andy Oh, she's on an assignment in Florida for a couple of weeks.
45040 8 15 Tallahassee 6707 Donna Muraski Oh, good for her. She's such a sweetheart. You tell her Donna Muraski misses her.
45041 8 15 Tallahassee 6707 Andy I miss her too.
45042 8 15 Tallahassee 6708 Nellie Everyone, we have a very special guest. He turned an idea into a store, into hundreds of stores. I give you Wally Amos, founder of Famous Amos Cookies.
45043 8 15 Tallahassee 6708 Wally Amos Aloha, aloha, aloha. So I hear you're all looking to bake up some dough in the sales game. Well, back when I was regular Amos-
45044 8 15 Tallahassee 6708 Stanley What's under the cloth?
45045 8 15 Tallahassee 6708 Wally Amos We'll get to that.
45046 8 15 Tallahassee 6708 Packer Cookies. Bet you anything it's cookies.
45047 8 15 Tallahassee 6708 Wally Amos It's cookies. Let me- let me finish my speech first.
45048 8 15 Tallahassee 6708 Nellie Ah, we get the gist. It's just success and effort, isn't it? So just, don't be coy, make with the cookies!
45049 8 15 Tallahassee 6708 Erin Famous, hi. I'm sure you get ideas for new cookies all the time, but I-
45050 8 15 Tallahassee 6708 Wally Amos Is it oatmeal with no raisins?
45051 8 15 Tallahassee 6708 Erin I'm sorry to have wasted your time.
45052 8 16 After Hours 6709 Pam Hey Angela, you wanna see a picture of Phillip wearing those little booties you got us?
45053 8 16 After Hours 6709 Angela So cute.
45054 8 16 After Hours 6709 Oscar Hey, you guys want to see a picture of Gerald wearing galoshes? He refused to go out in the rain until I bought these. Now going out in the rain is all he wants to do.
45055 8 16 After Hours 6710 Pam Oscar thinks that having a dog is just like having a baby.
45056 8 16 After Hours 6710 Angela News flash - If you didn't carry it around for nine months, it isn't your kid.
45057 8 16 After Hours 6710 Pam Exactly. Unless you adopted, of course.
45058 8 16 After Hours 6710 Angela That is where we disagree.
45059 8 16 After Hours 6711 Oscar Hey, are your little dudes crawling yet?
45060 8 16 After Hours 6711 Pam No, three-month-old humans don't do that.
45061 8 16 After Hours 6711 Angela My Phillip is crawling.
45062 8 16 After Hours 6712 Pam Angela is such a liar!
45063 8 16 After Hours 6712 Oscar It's maddening!
45064 8 16 After Hours 6713 Oscar Exactly. That's just like crate training. All night long, all night long.
45065 8 16 After Hours 6713 Pam Well count yourself lucky. Wait until you have two. That's two sleep schedules, two naps that don't coincide, I mean, you'll never sleep again.
45066 8 16 After Hours 6714 Angela No one said "you must have two"
45067 8 16 After Hours 6714 Oscar Like her genes are so important. The world just needs more Pam/Jim DNA. Thank you, no.
45068 8 16 After Hours 6714 Angela No thank you.
45069 8 16 After Hours 6715 Andy Check this out. My brother just got a new sailboat. He has NO idea what he just got himself into. There's nothing harder than taking care of a boat...am i right?
45070 8 16 After Hours 6716 Angela, Pam Unbelievable!
45071 8 16 After Hours 6716 Oscar Un-be-liev-a-ble.
45072 8 16 After Hours 6717 Nellie It is the end of the day, it is the end of the week. We managed to fill 40 hours somehow. That's not bad, is it?
45073 8 16 After Hours 6717 Packer That's great.
45074 8 16 After Hours 6717 Dwight Pretty good.
45075 8 16 After Hours 6717 Nellie Well thank you. This is very helpful feedback. Dwight, I am still not ready to name a VP.
45076 8 16 After Hours 6717 Dwight That's not what I was going to ask. Gosh, jump to conclusions. Come on, I know, you've got so much on your plate. Right now, you're like 'oh, what's more important? Dwight's question, figure out who's the VP?' Dwight, VP. Dwight, VP. Dwight, VP. Dwight, VP.
45077 8 16 After Hours 6717 Nellie I can't be hypnotized, Dwight. I tried it, I ended up smoking more.
45078 8 16 After Hours 6717 Dwight Can we at least eliminate those that are not in the running? Free them up to focus more completely on the menial. Like stacking or sorting, or-
45079 8 16 After Hours 6717 Jim Catching butterflies.
45080 8 16 After Hours 6717 Dwight That's a hobby, unless it's for food.
45081 8 16 After Hours 6717 Jim Theater.
45082 8 16 After Hours 6717 Dwight Waste of time.
45083 8 16 After Hours 6717 Jim Dragging.
45084 8 16 After Hours 6717 Dwight That's just a verb.
45085 8 16 After Hours 6717 Jim Dragging sticks.
45086 8 16 After Hours 6717 Dwight Yes, nice, perfect. Dragging sticks.
45087 8 16 After Hours 6717 Nellie Alright, I'm gonna eliminate three people right now, okay? Just... you three, no.
45088 8 16 After Hours 6717 Packer Not good enough (clicks tongue)
45089 8 16 After Hours 6718 Dwight English peoples' main use today is judging American talent. You're crap. You're wonderful. They're mean, but they're incisive.
45090 8 16 After Hours 6719 Nellie Everyone meet in the hotel bar at 7:00. I'm not allowed to say it's mandatory, so let's just call it compulsory.
45091 8 16 After Hours 6719 Packer I'll be there at 6:00
45092 8 16 After Hours 6719 Cathy Ugh, we're gonna have one of those crazy nights, aren't we? Maybe we'll see the real 'Talla-nasty' we've been hearing so much about.
45093 8 16 After Hours 6719 Jim 'Talla-nasty', very clever.
45094 8 16 After Hours 6719 Cathy Thank you-
45095 8 16 After Hours 6719 Gabe Wait, wait, you think she invented 'Talla-nasty?' no, no, no, no...
45096 8 16 After Hours 6720 Jim Cathy? It's been great. Fun, normal. I thought I was gonna be hanging out with stanley on this trip, but he's turned out to be kind of a loose cannon.
45097 8 16 After Hours 6720 Stanley My friend and I are new here in Tallahassee. Would you like to get a cocktail? . Maybe go out for a little dancing. Beautiful day, no?
45098 8 16 After Hours 6721 Andy Okay, everybody. 5:00. Workday is over. Put your pencils down. Aaannnnddd bring 'em back up, because now, the late night work jam begins!
45099 8 16 After Hours 6721 Pam Yes, the conference room is set up. I've got pens, I've got paper, I've got a whiteboard, we are good to go!
45100 8 16 After Hours 6721 Andy Say what?
45101 8 16 After Hours 6721 Pam We are good to goooo!
45102 8 16 After Hours 6721 Andy Say what?
45103 8 16 After Hours 6721 Pam We're good to goooo!
45104 8 16 After Hours 6721 Angela Stop it.
45105 8 16 After Hours 6721 Andy Say-
45106 8 16 After Hours 6721 Angela Stop it.
45107 8 16 After Hours 6721 Oscar Andy.
45108 8 16 After Hours 6722 Andy Tonight we're staying late to service the accounts of the people who went on the Florida trip.
45109 8 16 After Hours 6722 Pam Yes, of course, we could've just been doing this the whole time, but SOMEONE dropped the ball.
45110 8 16 After Hours 6722 Andy ...ball droppings can be beautiful. For example, when it turns an awkward soprano into a rich, full tenor.
45111 8 16 After Hours 6723 Packer Jason Bourne would kick Bond's ass.
45112 8 16 After Hours 6723 Nellie Jason Bourne has no support staff. His own government's out to get him.
45113 8 16 After Hours 6723 Dwight Genghis Khan could take 'em both down 'cause he's not afraid to kill children ... What? it's true. He- He would- he would eviscerate babies and hang them from poles outside of the villages. (Jim taps Dwight on the shoulder)
45114 8 16 After Hours 6723 Packer Okay, drinking game. Count of three, take three sips.
45115 8 16 After Hours 6723 Dwight That's a stupid game. I got a great drinking game. Okay, everyone empty your pockets. Whoever has the most seeds is the king. Whoever has the least buttons is the hunchback.
45116 8 16 After Hours 6723 Gabe What happens if you're the hunchback?
45117 8 16 After Hours 6723 Dwight Oh, you get kicked.
45118 8 16 After Hours 6723 Jim How many buttons do you have?
45119 8 16 After Hours 6723 Dwight (takes out bag) 40. Always.
45120 8 16 After Hours 6723 Cathy Can I see?
45121 8 16 After Hours 6723 Dwight Sure. (Hands bag to Cathy)
45122 8 16 After Hours 6723 Cathy So, I get to kick you now.
45123 8 16 After Hours 6723 Dwight No, they're not transferrable just 'cause I handed 'em to you.
45124 8 16 After Hours 6723 Cathy Well, that's how I played it in college.
45125 8 16 After Hours 6723 Jim College rules (Cathy throws Jim the bag and Jim kicks Dwight)
45126 8 16 After Hours 6723 Dwight Aah!
45127 8 16 After Hours 6723 Packer Aaaaand he host at his own lame game.
45128 8 16 After Hours 6723 Nellie Ooh, double meaning! The game was lame, and now he's lame from the kick. Quick wit.
45129 8 16 After Hours 6723 Packer Thank you.
45130 8 16 After Hours 6724 Ryan I'll have a glass of your oakiest chardonnay, please.
45131 8 16 After Hours 6724 Erin And I will have waffle with your mapliest syrup.
45132 8 16 After Hours 6724 Waitress Sorry, no waffles.
45133 8 16 After Hours 6724 Erin Oh, okay. Just forget it, then. Forget it. Forget it.
45134 8 16 After Hours 6724 Ryan A waffle?
45135 8 16 After Hours 6724 Erin A hotel waffle. I know what I want to eat. Is that crazy?
45136 8 16 After Hours 6724 Ryan No.
45137 8 16 After Hours 6724 Erin I'm moving down here, you know.
45138 8 16 After Hours 6724 Ryan Oh, no, I didn't know.
45139 8 16 After Hours 6724 Erin I'm young, and I can ... and if I can't, I'm still pretty young. I guess I'll always be young.
45140 8 16 After Hours 6724 Ryan You come with me. We're gonna get you that waffle.
45141 8 16 After Hours 6725 Ryan Why would Erin confide in me that she's staying here in Florida if she didn't want me to make some last-ditch, nothing to lose, Kelly Ka-who run at her? (Erin walks over) Hey.
45142 8 16 After Hours 6725 Erin Hey.
45143 8 16 After Hours 6726 Pam Watson carpet and tile.
45144 8 16 After Hours 6726 Kevin One order.
45145 8 16 After Hours 6726 Oscar Order reference number 00983-126.
45146 8 16 After Hours 6726 Phyllis Eight Cases, bright white inkjet.
45147 8 16 After Hours 6726 Angela Paid.
45148 8 16 After Hours 6726 Kelly I'm dying!
45149 8 16 After Hours 6726 Darryl Processed.
45150 8 16 After Hours 6726 Val And delivered.
45151 8 16 After Hours 6727 Kelly Sometimes I get so bored I just want to scream, and then sometimes I actually do scream. I just sorta feel out what the situation calls for.
45152 8 16 After Hours 6728 Nellie I will be right back.
45153 8 16 After Hours 6728 Packer I will be here.
45154 8 16 After Hours 6728 Dwight Hey. I see what you're doing. It's futile. the VP position is mine.
45155 8 16 After Hours 6728 Packer Oh, please, You're through. She's going to give it to me as I'm giving it to her tonight. The cowgirl has chosen her saddle.
45156 8 16 After Hours 6728 Dwight Well, saddles... ... sometimes fall off, especially if you don't properly cinch the girth.
45157 8 16 After Hours 6728 Packer What? That's a joke, right? You see the way she's all over me.
45158 8 16 After Hours 6729 Dwight If anyone's having s*x with Nellie for personal gain, it's me, and I'm not joking at all. If you don't tighten your saddle, you may fall off.
45159 8 16 After Hours 6730 Andy Who is ready for dinner? "oh, I bet it's pizza, or tacos, or something stupid". No. I went south of the border for this. And then I went south of that border. And we have ourselves... A Jamaican feast, mon!
45160 8 16 After Hours 6730 Phyllis If I wanted Jamaican food I'd just hire a bunch of bodyguards and go there.
45161 8 16 After Hours 6730 Andy Additional trivia factoid, this food comes to us through Val. And our server is none other than Brandon, her boyf!
45162 8 16 After Hours 6730 Val Hey.
45163 8 16 After Hours 6730 Brandon How you doing, Val?
45164 8 16 After Hours 6730 Oscar Jamaican, huh? I just read about the elections down there. Crazy stuff.
45165 8 16 After Hours 6730 Brandon Oh no, I'm not actually Jamaican.
45166 8 16 After Hours 6730 Oscar Terrific.
45167 8 16 After Hours 6730 Darryl What's up man? I'm Darryl.
45168 8 16 After Hours 6730 Brandon Darryl, I heard about you. You doing good?
45169 8 16 After Hours 6730 Darryl Oh yeah.
45170 8 16 After Hours 6730 Brandon Must be doing real good since you're f***ing my girlfriend.
45171 8 16 After Hours 6730 Everyone Whoa.
45172 8 16 After Hours 6730 Kevin Dude, you didn't tell me you were f***ing Val. High five!
45173 8 16 After Hours 6730 Darryl I'm not sleeping with your girlfriend.
45174 8 16 After Hours 6730 Val Brandon, what the hell are you talking about?
45175 8 16 After Hours 6730 Brandon Don't play dumb with me. I know what's up.
45176 8 16 After Hours 6730 Val Honey, I am not sleeping with-
45177 8 16 After Hours 6730 Andy Heyyy... let's get back to the food. Brandon, tell us about these delicious looking goops!
45178 8 16 After Hours 6730 Brandon Hope you all like goat.
45179 8 16 After Hours 6730 Andy Goat...
45180 8 16 After Hours 6731 Nellie Blow in my ear.
45181 8 16 After Hours 6731 Packer Alright.
45182 8 16 After Hours 6731 Nellie Like I'm on the beach.
45183 8 16 After Hours 6731 Dwight Seagull.
45184 8 16 After Hours 6731 Nellie And a wave crashing... a wave crashing.
45185 8 16 After Hours 6731 Nellie Oh, that is lovely.
45186 8 16 After Hours 6731 Jim Alright, that's gonna do it for me tonight. Have a lovely evening.
45187 8 16 After Hours 6732 Jim Hey, how's it going?
45188 8 16 After Hours 6732 Cathy Hey, uh, good. Uh, the heating system though in my room is all messed up. It's like 90 degrees in there. Maintenance is working on it. Can I hang out here?
45189 8 16 After Hours 6732 Jim Uh... yeah, I'm just watching basketball.
45190 8 16 After Hours 6732 Cathy Okay, yeah.
45191 8 16 After Hours 6732 Jim Okay.
45192 8 16 After Hours 6732 Cathy Cool... Is this March Madness? I love March Madness.
45193 8 16 After Hours 6732 Jim Oh, no, that's not this 'cause that's in... March. Uh, this is just the NBA. Professional. Miami Heat, actually, so...
45194 8 16 After Hours 6732 Cathy LeBron James.
45195 8 16 After Hours 6732 Jim Yes, nice. Good word association
45196 8 16 After Hours 6733 Nellie Impressive.
45197 8 16 After Hours 6733 Dwight Oh please, anyone can tie a knot, the real skill is in untying it
45198 8 16 After Hours 6734 Andy Thornwood Wholesalers.
45199 8 16 After Hours 6734 Kevin One order.
45200 8 16 After Hours 6734 Brandon I read the text you sent to Val, man.
45201 8 16 After Hours 6734 Val That's messed up.
45202 8 16 After Hours 6734 Angela Is this spicy?
45203 8 16 After Hours 6734 Brandon No, baby girl. It would be messed up if I didn't find anything, but I did, so-
45204 8 16 After Hours 6734 Andy I'm pretty sure if Darryl sent Val a text, it was about some paper emergency or something.
45205 8 16 After Hours 6734 Brandon At midnight?
45206 8 16 After Hours 6734 Andy ... yeah...
45207 8 16 After Hours 6734 Kevin It happens! Like a hospital needs more napkins for surgery...
45208 8 16 After Hours 6734 Kelly Guys, we're not gonna settle anything this way. I think we just need to be grown-ups here.
45209 8 16 After Hours 6734 Andy Thank you.
45210 8 16 After Hours 6734 Kelly I thin we're gonna need to here those texts.
45211 8 16 After Hours 6734 Andy Kelly, remember how you wanted to go home before?
45212 8 16 After Hours 6734 Kelly No. There's no way in hell I'm leaving. Something interesting is happening here for once in my life, I am staying here. Darryl, read the texts.
45213 8 16 After Hours 6735 Jim Yup, coming. All right.
45214 8 16 After Hours 6735 Stanley My mini bar is oddly out of rum.
45215 8 16 After Hours 6735 Jim We have plenty.
45216 8 16 After Hours 6735 Stanley Oh, hello.
45217 8 16 After Hours 6735 Jim Do you want to watch the game with us? We're watching a game. The Heat game. Just a game.
45218 8 16 After Hours 6735 Stanley Got it. Good night. Careful Jim, it gets easier and easier.
45219 8 16 After Hours 6735 Jim No, no, no, Stanley.
45220 8 16 After Hours 6735 Stanley mm-hmm.
45221 8 16 After Hours 6735 Jim Stanley. Stanley.
45222 8 16 After Hours 6735 Stanley uh-huh.
45223 8 16 After Hours 6735 Jim Stanley. Uhh... you know what? Just bring back those bottles!
45224 8 16 After Hours 6736 Erin Whoa. the lights are still on.
45225 8 16 After Hours 6736 Ryan Yeah, they keep them on 'cause it's less expensive than turning them on and off.
45226 8 16 After Hours 6736 Erin I like how guys just know stuff all the time.
45227 8 16 After Hours 6736 Ryan Girls know a lot of stuff too, okay? And nobody knows more than you. Especially me.
45228 8 16 After Hours 6736 Erin Hello, waffle iron.
45229 8 16 After Hours 6736 Ryan Hello, what do we have here?
45230 8 16 After Hours 6736 Erin Okay, so the recipe says we need a mixing bowl...
45231 8 16 After Hours 6736 Ryan Right.
45232 8 16 After Hours 6736 Erin ... a measuring cup...
45233 8 16 After Hours 6736 Ryan Got that. Get down.
45234 8 16 After Hours 6736 Erin It's the fuzz!
45235 8 16 After Hours 6736 Ryan Shh! do you want us to get scolded? Shut your beautiful, beautiful mouth, please.
45236 8 16 After Hours 6737 Darryl "I got too much ice cream. You want some?" "Getting' my fry on."
45237 8 16 After Hours 6737 Kelly Boring.
45238 8 16 After Hours 6737 Darryl Uh, "The moon is huge tonight."
45239 8 16 After Hours 6737 Phyllis Ooh, gosh, the moon one's damning. Yeah, sorry.
45240 8 16 After Hours 6737 Darryl That's regular text talk.
45241 8 16 After Hours 6737 Brandon You forgot one.
45242 8 16 After Hours 6737 Darryl "You're such a great friend."
45243 8 16 After Hours 6737 Brandon With the dots.
45244 8 16 After Hours 6737 Darryl "You're such a great friend, dot dot dot dot dot."
45245 8 16 After Hours 6737 Kelly Five dots, Darryl, are you kidding me? Okay, 'cause three dots means 'to be continued', four dots is a typo, but five dots means "Whoa, do not make me say what I want to say, baby, but if I did, it would blow your mind, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.
45246 8 16 After Hours 6737 Everyone Oh...
45247 8 16 After Hours 6737 Brandon See? Yes. Thank you, sister.
45248 8 16 After Hours 6737 Val Brandon, Darryl and me? That's ridiculous, right?
45249 8 16 After Hours 6737 Darryl Yeah, totally crazy. Puts me in an insane asylum just thinking about it. I'm stranded on shutter island over here.
45250 8 16 After Hours 6738 Nellie You look like Ed Harris if they stretched him a little bit.
45251 8 16 After Hours 6738 Dwight You wanna see a picture of me trapped under a tree? ...ahhmmm... excuse me... What?! Not now, I'm busy.
45252 8 16 After Hours 6738 Jim I'm sorry, I thought you'd want to know that I saw a bedbug in my room. But, never mind, sorry to interrupt.
45253 8 16 After Hours 6738 Dwight Wait wait wait wait, bedbugs? Oh no... Freak, I need a favor.
45254 8 16 After Hours 6738 Gabe Well, then you have to call me by my name. Gabriel Susan Lewis.
45255 8 16 After Hours 6738 Dwight I gotta be gone for a few minutes. You make sure that Packer does NOT sleep with Nellie.
45256 8 16 After Hours 6738 Gabe What's in it for GSL?
45257 8 16 After Hours 6738 Dwight You really want Packer as your boss?
45258 8 16 After Hours 6738 Gabe Got it.
45259 8 16 After Hours 6739 Dwight If Jim has bedbugs, that means they're everywhere. I can't risk them coming back to Schrute Farms. Our biggest attraction is our 200 year old mattresses.
45260 8 16 After Hours 6740 Dwight Where did you see it?
45261 8 16 After Hours 6740 Jim In the bed.
45262 8 16 After Hours 6740 Cathy I haven't seen anything.
45263 8 16 After Hours 6740 Dwight We gotta find it before it eggs.
45264 8 16 After Hours 6740 Cathy Jeez...
45265 8 16 After Hours 6740 Dwight Describe it.
45266 8 16 After Hours 6740 Jim Brown, shiny, painful bite.
45267 8 16 After Hours 6740 Dwight Could be a bat weevil... Describe its mood. Did it seen sleepy?
45268 8 16 After Hours 6740 Jim Stressed, but to be fair, it was a tense situation.
45269 8 16 After Hours 6740 Dwight Fair enough, but after it bit you, did it run away fearful, or did it walk away smug, self-assured?
45270 8 16 After Hours 6740 Jim So smug. Like he thought it was funny, like this.
45271 8 16 After Hours 6740 Dwight Pshh. That's a bedbug.
45272 8 16 After Hours 6740 Jim Yeah.
45273 8 16 After Hours 6740 Dwight Everything's a joke.
45274 8 16 After Hours 6740 Jim I know.
45275 8 16 After Hours 6740 Dwight Check your hair!
45276 8 16 After Hours 6740 Jim Ow.
45277 8 16 After Hours 6740 Dwight God, oh. So greasy, you should just shave all this.
45278 8 16 After Hours 6740 Jim Just check it.
45279 8 16 After Hours 6740 Dwight You are clean. Okay... One thing a bedbug thrives on is heat and carbon dioxide I am going to generate myself into a human trap. When I jump into the bed, you are going to cover me with the sheet immediately. And then we'll see who's laughing.
45280 8 16 After Hours 6740 Jim Alright.
45281 8 16 After Hours 6740 Dwight Yeah. Cover me!
45282 8 16 After Hours 6740 Cathy Is this really nessecary?
45283 8 16 After Hours 6740 Jim He knows what he's doing.
45284 8 16 After Hours 6740 Dwight Let the bedbugs bite!
45285 8 16 After Hours 6740 Cathy Ugh, god, I feel so gross. I have to go take a shower.
45286 8 16 After Hours 6740 Jim Alright, then I will catch you later... What do we do now?
45287 8 16 After Hours 6740 Dwight We wait. Come to papa.
45288 8 16 After Hours 6740 Jim Oh.
45289 8 16 After Hours 6741 Jim I don't know, Dwight, I think maybe you should check again.
45290 8 16 After Hours 6741 Dwight Nope, I wasn't bitten.
45291 8 16 After Hours 6741 Jim Well, maybe it isn't warm enough in here.
45292 8 16 After Hours 6741 Dwight Oh, it's plenty warm, and I was farting continuously under the sheet, creating a kind of greenhouse effect.
45293 8 16 After Hours 6741 Jim Come on.
45294 8 16 After Hours 6741 Dwight If there were any in here, They would've imbedded themselves in me.
45295 8 16 After Hours 6741 Jim You know what? Maybe they just ate.
45296 8 16 After Hours 6741 Dwight No, you're good. Clean bill of health! Besides I gotta get back downstairs. I left Packer alone with Nellie for way too long.
45297 8 16 After Hours 6741 Jim Okay, they're fine. They're adults.
45298 8 16 After Hours 6741 Dwight No, that's the problem. Packer is trying to bed Nellie for the VP job unless I do it first.
45299 8 16 After Hours 6741 Jim Is that really how you want to get this job?
45300 8 16 After Hours 6741 Dwight Such a chorus girl.
45301 8 16 After Hours 6741 Jim Okay, Dwight... Dwight... Dwight, Dwight Dwight!... uh...
45302 8 16 After Hours 6741 Cathy Is crazy gone?
45303 8 16 After Hours 6742 Nellie Oh!
45304 8 16 After Hours 6742 Gabe They don't make these cords in boot cut anymore!
45305 8 16 After Hours 6742 Dwight Euughh... Pathetic, huh? A real man swallows his vomit when a lady is present... Hey.
45306 8 16 After Hours 6743 Cathy Yeah, one death by chocolate, one bananas foster... Okay, cool. Thanks... I know, I'm a pig, right?
45307 8 16 After Hours 6743 Jim Hmm? No.
45308 8 16 After Hours 6743 Cathy Wait, this why I exercise like a fiend. Feel. Seriously.
45309 8 16 After Hours 6743 Jim Okay alright. I'm really sorry, uh, I just have to say it. I'm-I'm married. I'm very happily married.
45310 8 16 After Hours 6743 Cathy Oh my God, what are you thinking?
45311 8 16 After Hours 6743 Jim um... I mean-
45312 8 16 After Hours 6743 Cathy I know that you're married, I sat at your wife's desk. How little do you think of me?
45313 8 16 After Hours 6743 Jim I'm sorry, I feel like maybe I'm-I'm I misread things. Okay, let's just go back to watching.
45314 8 16 After Hours 6743 Cathy Can you... without running to the other side of the room all night?
45315 8 16 After Hours 6743 Jim Yes, I can. uh, all right. I'm really sorry. I think we'll just... we'll just watch. You can watch, not watch, whatever you want to do. Take another shower, I don't care.
45316 8 16 After Hours 6743 Cathy Okay. I am so cold.
45317 8 16 After Hours 6744 Pam Hey, Darryl. You okay?
45318 8 16 After Hours 6744 Darryl She's got a boyfriend.
45319 8 16 After Hours 6744 Andy Play it cool, man. She'll come around.
45320 8 16 After Hours 6744 Pam No, you should go for it. I mean nothing would've happened with me and Jim if he didn't put himself out there.
45321 8 16 After Hours 6744 Andy Yeah, but... My friend Jim would tell you to play it cool.
45322 8 16 After Hours 6744 Pam My husband would tell you to go for it.
45323 8 16 After Hours 6745 Ryan Hey.
45324 8 16 After Hours 6745 Erin Hey.
45325 8 16 After Hours 6745 Ryan Hey.
45326 8 16 After Hours 6745 Erin Hey.
45327 8 16 After Hours 6745 Ryan Hey, this is fun.
45328 8 16 After Hours 6745 Erin A lot of fun.
45329 8 16 After Hours 6745 Ryan I know. Can I give you a compliment? I'm really impressed by how much you've grown. Since I met you, it's like night and day.
45330 8 16 After Hours 6745 Erin You should move down here with me.
45331 8 16 After Hours 6745 Ryan Yeah?
45332 8 16 After Hours 6745 Erin We could be roommates.
45333 8 16 After Hours 6745 Ryan Really?
45334 8 16 After Hours 6745 Erin We could get a dog. We could go to R-rated movies. And who knows, I mean, you're a guy, I'm a girl-
45335 8 16 After Hours 6745 Ryan Yeah.
45336 8 16 After Hours 6745 Erin Maybe in six months-
45337 8 16 After Hours 6745 Ryan Six months?... um, okay, I'm in love with Kelly.
45338 8 16 After Hours 6746 Nellie Put your forehead near mine, and see if you can read my thoughts.
45339 8 16 After Hours 6746 Dwight Okay... Seven, one, one, nine...
45340 8 16 After Hours 6746 Nellie No, no, no, not numbers, no.
45341 8 16 After Hours 6746 Dwight No, okay.
45342 8 16 After Hours 6746 Nellie No.
45343 8 16 After Hours 6746 Dwight Try again... Ugh, I'm still getting numbers! Seven, one, one... is anyone around here thinking the numbers seven one one? 'Cause please stop, okay?
45344 8 16 After Hours 6746 Nellie Dwight, give me a key card to your room. Meet me in seven minutes for some one-on-one time.
45345 8 16 After Hours 6746 Dwight Wait, the numbers!
45346 8 16 After Hours 6746 Nellie Mm-hmm.
45347 8 16 After Hours 6746 Dwight oh...
45348 8 16 After Hours 6746 Nellie mm-hmm...
45349 8 16 After Hours 6746 Dwight There you go.
45350 8 16 After Hours 6746 Nellie I will see you in seven-
45351 8 16 After Hours 6746 Dwight Seven minutes. ... Nellie, wait. Let me write my room number on the card. .
45352 8 16 After Hours 6746 Dwight Win at all costs, don't respect women. These are the tenets I was brought up with, and they have served me well. But my ancestors never worked in corporate America, and before that, hunters. And before that, time travelers. And before that, me again. At least, that's how the legend goes. The point is they never had to worry about how they got ahead. They just had to put food on the table and not alter the past.
45353 8 16 After Hours 6747 Angela 1434-967, paid.
45354 8 16 After Hours 6747 Darryl It has been processed.
45355 8 16 After Hours 6747 Val It has been delivered.
45356 8 16 After Hours 6747 Pam That's it, last one.
45357 8 16 After Hours 6747 Kelly Andy this has been an amazing night. Epic.
45358 8 16 After Hours 6747 Andy Cool-down fiesta begins right now. I got decaf coffee...
45359 8 16 After Hours 6747 Phyllis No way.
45360 8 16 After Hours 6747 Andy I got Romy and Michele's High School Reunion...
45361 8 16 After Hours 6747 Val Hey. I just wanted to apologize. I mean, that was so weird. Can we just, like, never talk about it again?
45362 8 16 After Hours 6747 Darryl Sure.
45363 8 16 After Hours 6747 Val Okay, thanks.
45364 8 16 After Hours 6747 Darryl Hey, just so you know, me and you... I don't think that's ridiculous... Dot, dot, dot... dot, dot.
45365 8 16 After Hours 6748 Jim All right. Now I think it's time for you to go.
45366 8 16 After Hours 6748 Cathy What? Oh, Jim, I thought we talked about this. You're cool, right?
45367 8 16 After Hours 6748 Jim Cathy, go.
45368 8 16 After Hours 6748 Dwight Where's the bug?
45369 8 16 After Hours 6748 Jim Awesome.
45370 8 16 After Hours 6748 Dwight Stand back!
45371 8 16 After Hours 6748 Cathy Aah! Stop, it, oh my god! That burns! what is that?!
45372 8 16 After Hours 6748 Dwight It's a compound of chemicals I pulled off the maid's cart!
45373 8 16 After Hours 6748 Jim Right there!
45374 8 16 After Hours 6748 Cathy Oh stop it, stop it, stop it!
45375 8 16 After Hours 6748 Jim Oh, big one! Big one! Really big one!
45376 8 16 After Hours 6748 Cathy I can't breathe!
45377 8 16 After Hours 6748 Dwight I think I saw it!
45378 8 16 After Hours 6748 Cathy Stop it!
45379 8 16 After Hours 6748 Jim Nice job, I think you got 'em.
45380 8 16 After Hours 6748 Dwight You can't stay here, this place is a biohazard. If I were you, I'd just bunk with Cathy.
45381 8 16 After Hours 6749 Dwight Second best Bananas Foster I've ever had.
45382 8 16 After Hours 6749 Jim Oh yeah? What's the first best?
45383 8 16 After Hours 6749 Nellie Dwight? Hello? Dwight?
45384 8 16 After Hours 6749 Jim Is that Nellie?
45385 8 16 After Hours 6749 Dwight Don't let-shh!
45386 8 16 After Hours 6749 Nellie Are you in there? I can see the light on under your door. Hello? Oh, look at that. The light went off, just as I said the light went on. Hello? Dwight? Dwight.
45387 8 17 Test The Store 6750 Dwight Today is the test launch day for the inaugural Sabre store. Brr brr brr BRR and I, Dwight Schrute, am in charge of the entire operation. If I can prove myself today and the store is a hit with the media and Nellie sees this, the vice presidency is mine.
45388 8 17 Test The Store 6750 Ryan Are you holding this chair?
45389 8 17 Test The Store 6750 Dwight Yes.
45390 8 17 Test The Store 6750 Ryan â˜cause I feel like I'm gonna fall off.
45391 8 17 Test The Store 6750 Dwight Yes. Yes.
45392 8 17 Test The Store 6750 Ryan I'm not wearing the right shoes for this.
45393 8 17 Test The Store 6750 Dwight We went over this, ok? Your tiny fingers make the best knots.
45394 8 17 Test The Store 6750 Erin Hey Strangers. So stoked for the Sabre store opening.
45395 8 17 Test The Store 6751 Erin Hey, my name's Tabitha. I'm camped out in front of the Sabre store so I can be first in line for the new Pyramid. Psst. It's me Erin. Dwight had me pretend to be a hipster to create hype, and it's working. There's already people camped out behind me.
45396 8 17 Test The Store 6752 Nellie Test launch day, people. Now, I would like to fill you in on a little secret about me to inspire you today. Now, I know you probably all think I'm this patrician goddess. But here's the truth. I was born in the little working class town of Basildon, and until the age of 32, I talked like this, which was bloody horrendous, innit? I came from dirt, no lower than ... what's lower than dirt?
45397 8 17 Test The Store 6752 Dwight Loam, magma, mantle, outer core, inner core.
45398 8 17 Test The Store 6752 Nellie Yeah, thank you. Loam. Bloody loam, I came from. I hit rock bottom when I auditioned for the Spice Girls. I didn't even get a callback.
45399 8 17 Test The Store 6752 Jim Which Spice Girl?
45400 8 17 Test The Store 6752 Nellie The black one. I never stood a chance.
45401 8 17 Test The Store 6752 Jim Okay.
45402 8 17 Test The Store 6752 Nellie Now, think about my journey here today, and let it inspire your journey.
45403 8 17 Test The Store 6752 Dwight Okay. Nellie, thank you. Thank you so much.
45404 8 17 Test The Store 6752 Todd Packer Yep
45405 8 17 Test The Store 6752 Dwight Today is press day and press is gonna make or break this store. And for a tech company, press can only mean one thing ⓠbloggers. Dossier on bloggers. Bloggers are gross. Bloggers are obese. Bloggers have halitosis. You're gonna love â˜em. Ryan is going to be the main event today. He is the pitchman who is going to give the feisty yet profound speech worthy of a world's fair. Ryan, you ready to do this?
45406 8 17 Test The Store 6752 Ryan When people see this presentation, they're gonna in their pants.
45407 8 17 Test The Store 6752 Dwight Okay.
45408 8 17 Test The Store 6752 Jim Come on, man.
45409 8 17 Test The Store 6752 Cathy Seriously disgusting.
45410 8 17 Test The Store 6752 Dwight Cathy, you will be the hot girl who talks to bloggers.
45411 8 17 Test The Store 6752 Cathy Ugh. Kill me. That was my idea.
45412 8 17 Test The Store 6752 Dwight Packer, you will be the sexual predator who has come to prey on the trendy teenage girls who are obsessed with the Pyramid.
45413 8 17 Test The Store 6753 Todd Packer Uh...
45414 8 17 Test The Store 6753 Nellie Uh... that is excellent.
45415 8 17 Test The Store 6753 Todd Packer I don't see what that gets us, but I'm a team player.
45416 8 17 Test The Store 6753 Dwight Perfect casting, right?
45417 8 17 Test The Store 6754 Todd Packer Schrute's out to get me. But I'm playing the long game. As soon as he messes up, I swoop in like a sexual predator.
45418 8 17 Test The Store 6755 Nellie I want to create a sense of wonder and enthusiasm as if, at the end of E.T., candy poured out of the screen. Do you understand? I wanna get goose pimples.
45419 8 17 Test The Store 6755 Dwight Speaking of pimples, let's release the BLOGGERS!
45420 8 17 Test The Store 6756 Andy Morning, everyone.
45421 8 17 Test The Store 6756 Kevin Oh, Andy, guess what happened to me this morning?
45422 8 17 Test The Store 6756 Andy Don't care. Tell me later.
45423 8 17 Test The Store 6756 Kevin Listen, it's important. You've gotta hear this.
45424 8 17 Test The Store 6756 Andy What do you got?
45425 8 17 Test The Store 6756 Kelly Oh, my god!
45426 8 17 Test The Store 6756 Phyllis Do you have a black eye?
45427 8 17 Test The Store 6756 Andy Yes, I do. Phyllis.
45428 8 17 Test The Store 6756 Kevin I woke up at 4 am by accident in time for the paper to be delivered. Guess what?
45429 8 17 Test The Store 6756 Andy What?
45430 8 17 Test The Store 6756 Kevin It's not a kid on a bike. It's a man in a car.
45431 8 17 Test The Store 6756 Darryl Andy, who punched you?
45432 8 17 Test The Store 6756 Meredith Hey, I was on the can. What's this about a black guy in the office?
45433 8 17 Test The Store 6756 Angela Black eye, Meredith.
45434 8 17 Test The Store 6756 Kelly Will someone please explain what's going on here? Since the interesting thing happened til now, so much time has passed, it's like my life is buffering.
45435 8 17 Test The Store 6756 Andy Here's what happened. Pam and I were arriving for the day. And there was a gang in the parking lot on bikes, on, on motorcycles. And they were just hassling Pam...
45436 8 17 Test The Store 6756 Pam That's true.
45437 8 17 Test The Store 6756 Andy They had, uh... weapons.
45438 8 17 Test The Store 6756 Pam Weapons.
45439 8 17 Test The Store 6756 Andy I just stepped in to talk some sense into them.
45440 8 17 Test The Store 6756 Pam But these were not the kind of people who use their words.
45441 8 17 Test The Store 6756 Andy Punches were going, and I ducked a few, landed a couple, and I was fighting them off. It was totally, like, like, senseless crime.
45442 8 17 Test The Store 6756 Pam Thank goodness he was there.
45443 8 17 Test The Store 6756 Oscar Good job Andy.
45444 8 17 Test The Store 6756 Kevin Yeah
45445 8 17 Test The Store 6756 Andy I didn't do anything any of you wouldn't have done.
45446 8 17 Test The Store 6757 Dwight Open the gates! There's plenty for everyone. No need to panic. There's plenty for everyone!
45447 8 17 Test The Store 6757 Man Quit it.
45448 8 17 Test The Store 6757 Dwight There's plenty. Don't stampede. No need to stampede, sir.
45449 8 17 Test The Store 6757 Erin I was ahead of you!
45450 8 17 Test The Store 6757 Dwight Okay, okay. Hey, hey. It's gonna be fine. It's gonna be fine. There's plenty of Pyramids.
45451 8 17 Test The Store 6757 Erin Come on. I was in line before you.
45452 8 17 Test The Store 6758 Cathy So you're a blogger right?
45453 8 17 Test The Store 6758 Blogger Yeah. Blogger.
45454 8 17 Test The Store 6758 Cathy God, stay away. Oh, I always get in trouble around bloggers. I'm trying to be a good girl for once.
45455 8 17 Test The Store 6759 Erin Uh yeah. I already bought my Pyramid, but I don't want to leave yet. I haven't had so much fun since seeing... zoo-Ey Desh-channel at the Couch-arilla music festival. So fun.
45456 8 17 Test The Store 6760 Oscar How can we feel safe knowing that there are gangs here? We should call the police right now!
45457 8 17 Test The Store 6760 Andy No.
45458 8 17 Test The Store 6760 Angela Yes.
45459 8 17 Test The Store 6760 Andy No, no, no, no, no, we don't need to call the police. They'll just ask everybody questions, get up in everyone's business, right, Pam?
45460 8 17 Test The Store 6760 Pam Police are a hassle. We settled this on the street.
45461 8 17 Test The Store 6760 Andy And my eye will heal. But if the police come, then we will forever stain our neighborhood as a troubled area.
45462 8 17 Test The Store 6760 Angela Why would you care what the police think of our neighborhood?
45463 8 17 Test The Store 6760 Andy Because I have neighborhood Pride. 1-8-5-0-5.
45464 8 17 Test The Store 6760 Pam 1-8-5-0-5.
45465 8 17 Test The Store 6760 Darryl Guys, guys. That's so vague. You gotta do the zip plus four. 1-8-5-0-5 dash 7-4-2-7.
45466 8 17 Test The Store 6760 Phyllis Look, I don't feel safe. I think we should call the police.
45467 8 17 Test The Store 6760 Angela Yes.
45468 8 17 Test The Store 6760 Andy Exactly. We need to feel safe, which is why... Toby is giving us self defense training.
45469 8 17 Test The Store 6760 Toby Me?
45470 8 17 Test The Store 6760 Andy Right Toby? Will you teach us self defense?
45471 8 17 Test The Store 6760 Toby Yeah, um... I can't believe you remembered. I do self-defense. Um, I'll go put on my cup.
45472 8 17 Test The Store 6760 Andy Great.
45473 8 17 Test The Store 6761 Nellie Yes!
45474 8 17 Test The Store 6761 Blogger Okay.
45475 8 17 Test The Store 6761 Nellie I wasn't really sure which one of you is Chuck.
45476 8 17 Test The Store 6761 Jim Yeah, no, it seems to be going great. Andy got beat up by a fifth grade girl?
45477 8 17 Test The Store 6761 Blogger Look at that guy. He's got his Sabre phone on, and he's not even using it.
45478 8 17 Test The Store 6761 Blogger 2 This is a perfect photo for my Daily Fail blog.
45479 8 17 Test The Store 6761 Jim Uh, I - I gotta go. Okay.
45480 8 17 Test The Store 6761 Nellie Dwight, what is a fail? That sounds bad.
45481 8 17 Test The Store 6761 Dwight Oh, no, no, no. It's good. It's really -- on the Internet, it's a really -- that's a really good, good, thing.
45482 8 17 Test The Store 6762 Dwight Are you trying to sabotage this entire event?
45483 8 17 Test The Store 6762 Jim I'm very sorry.
45484 8 17 Test The Store 6762 Nellie We gave you an Arrowhead for free for the day. How hard would it have been to do this, hmmm? "Hello. Hi sweetie. It's Jim. I'm calling you from the new Arrowhead, which is why my voice is crystal clear. And my hand will never get tired because of the ergonomic shape."
45485 8 17 Test The Store 6762 Jim I'm really sorry. Is there anything I can do, maybe pretend to be Chuck?
45486 8 17 Test The Store 6762 Dwight You could have pretended to be Chuck. I begged you to pretend to be Chuck, but you chose to be yourself, and you can no longer be Chuck!  Surrender the tripack. You know what you have to do.
45487 8 17 Test The Store 6763 Dwight Point it towards the store, idiot!
45488 8 17 Test The Store 6764 Dwight You know what I mean? One of these buttons is -- damn it. Take over.
45489 8 17 Test The Store 6765 Dwight Oh hey, Hey, hey, you guys, you must be lost. Listen. Excuse me, sir. Yeah, the fountain where you can feed the pigeons is out behind the bank. Tell your great-grandson to bring his kid by. Okay. So long. Here we go. Erin! Psst! Come on! The elderly suck the life out of the young. Get them out of here!
45490 8 17 Test The Store 6765 Erin We are closed! Come on.
45491 8 17 Test The Store 6766 Toby Self-defense is not some fun boxing match, okay? This is about escaping with your life. So... strike, scream, and run. All right? Let's try it.
45492 8 17 Test The Store 6766 Meredith Ow.
45493 8 17 Test The Store 6766 Toby That may have been my fault.
45494 8 17 Test The Store 6766 Meredith What the hell, Toby?
45495 8 17 Test The Store 6766 Toby Okay, look, in a real crisis situation, you're not gonna have to time to think, okay? So just remember, I-A-A-T-G. "It's all about the groin."
45496 8 17 Test The Store 6766 Andy What if you're being attacked by a ... smallish man who happens to not have a groin?
45497 8 17 Test The Store 6766 Toby I don't think that's very common.
45498 8 17 Test The Store 6766 Andy What if you're being attacked by a 4'11" man who is penisless?
45499 8 17 Test The Store 6766 Oscar Why are you fixated on this hypothetical transgendered attacker?
45500 8 17 Test The Store 6766 Andy Why don't we start with the basics? Show us how to defend ourselves against a baby, and then like, a fifth grade girl, and then, you know, if we have time, on up to a scary man.
45501 8 17 Test The Store 6766 Toby Well, the most common scenario is a larger man attacking a smaller female.
45502 8 17 Test The Store 6766 Andy So in that scenario, what if the victim sucker-punches the attacker in the face? What can the attacker then do to better protect himself?
45503 8 17 Test The Store 6766 Toby It's interesting that you're drawn to the point of view of the attacker.  You would like the turn of the table. Okay, the latest Chad Flenderman novel... written from the point of view of his nemesis, Dr. Lucifer Wu.
45504 8 17 Test The Store 6766 Angela Can I please leave? I have a rape flute.
45505 8 17 Test The Store 6766 Toby All right, well, let's try one simple technique together. Okay, why doesn't everyone stand? Okay, so... you're being attacked. You've got your hands up. Simple palm strike to the chin. Up to the chin. One, two.
45506 8 17 Test The Store 6766 Everyone One, two.
45507 8 17 Test The Store 6766 Andy Take that, kid.
45508 8 17 Test The Store 6767 Dwight Cathy, I would like to introduce you to Fatty Gruesome. He is a freelancer for Wired magazine.
45509 8 17 Test The Store 6767 Lady Blogger Patty Grossman. I'm a woman.
45510 8 17 Test The Store 6767 Dwight But you still work for Wired, right?
45511 8 17 Test The Store 6767 Patty Yes.
45512 8 17 Test The Store 6767 Dwight Good! Okay. Flirt away.
45513 8 17 Test The Store 6768 Ryan Sabre. It's time to come home.
45514 8 17 Test The Store 6768 Jim Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think ...it seemed like you were a little nervous.
45515 8 17 Test The Store 6768 Ryan Yeah, no , Sherlock! Can somebody please tell me something encouraging about this presentation before I go out there in front of a million people and do it?
45516 8 17 Test The Store 6768 Dwight Okay. I know, I know, champ. Calm down, just listen.
45517 8 17 Test The Store 6768 Ryan You know what?
45518 8 17 Test The Store 6768 Dwight You just need to realize that so much rides on this. You have no idea.
45519 8 17 Test The Store 6768 Jim Dwight.
45520 8 17 Test The Store 6768 Dwight I'm trying to make him feel important.
45521 8 17 Test The Store 6768 Ryan God. I wish Kelly were here. She always knew what to say.
45522 8 17 Test The Store 6768 Dwight Um... Oh, Ryan, you're so smart. You're smarter than Mark Zuckerberg and those Google guys all combined. Hee hee hee.
45523 8 17 Test The Store 6768 Ryan You're so ignorant. You barely know what you're talking about. That is so ridiculous. You really need to read a couple books.
45524 8 17 Test The Store 6768 Dwight What's a book?
45525 8 17 Test The Store 6768 Ryan On my God. You're so embarrassing.  My mom would say the best stuff, though.
45526 8 17 Test The Store 6768 Jim You can... You can do it Ryan.
45527 8 17 Test The Store 6768 Ryan And you know that I'm capable of this.
45528 8 17 Test The Store 6768 Jim You're the only one who can do it, s-sweetie.
45529 8 17 Test The Store 6768 Ryan What did you think of the presentation?
45530 8 17 Test The Store 6768 Jim I thought it was great, sweetie. I would just fix that one --
45531 8 17 Test The Store 6768 Ryan Oh! "Fix" means you hate it! I knew it! I need something to drink!
45532 8 17 Test The Store 6768 Dwight Jim, get him a water.
45533 8 17 Test The Store 6768 Ryan No, not a water. A sports drink. I hate everything in that fridge. Not red! Get me something yellow or green from a nearby store. Not red!
45534 8 17 Test The Store 6768 Dwight Why are you just standing there? Go to a nearby store and get him a yellow or green sports drink!
45535 8 17 Test The Store 6769 Toby Now, if your attacker is willing to defile a corpse, you better stop playing dead right away and just make it known that you're alive.
45536 8 17 Test The Store 6769 Lady Forgive me for interrupting. I believe my daughter had an altercation with somebody here, some fancy gentleman with a squeaky voice?
45537 8 17 Test The Store 6769 Andy I think you guys might have the wrong Office.
45538 8 17 Test The Store 6769 Girl That's him... the guy I hit.
45539 8 17 Test The Store 6769 Darryl What?
45540 8 17 Test The Store 6769 Oscar You've gotta be kidding me.
45541 8 17 Test The Store 6769 Kevin Poor Andy! First you got beat up by a gang, and now she kicks your ass?
45542 8 17 Test The Store 6769 Oscar No, Kevin --
45543 8 17 Test The Store 6769 Lady What about the lady you hit with the pine cone?
45544 8 17 Test The Store 6769 Girl There. That chubby one.
45545 8 17 Test The Store 6769 Pam I just had a baby.
45546 8 17 Test The Store 6769 Girl Yesterday?
45547 8 17 Test The Store 6769 Pam Wow.
45548 8 17 Test The Store 6769 Lady Apologize.
45549 8 17 Test The Store 6769 Girl Sorry I kicked your ass in front of your "thin" girlfriend.
45550 8 17 Test The Store 6769 Pam How â˜bout we wait til next year after you have your kid?
45551 8 17 Test The Store 6769 Lady You know what? Tiffy's going to college.
45552 8 17 Test The Store 6769 Andy Listen, I don't know what you guys are talking about, but I guess I'll just accept your apology so we can get on with our day.
45553 8 17 Test The Store 6769 Lady God bless. Friend of mine uses your paper. You do good work. Bye bye.
45554 8 17 Test The Store 6769 Kevin Bye.
45555 8 17 Test The Store 6769 Kelly So, Toby, I think we should do a different self-defense seminar -- "How to protect ourselves against tiny little girls."
45556 8 17 Test The Store 6769 Toby There's no shame in getting beaten up by a girl. My ex-wife used to demolish me.
45557 8 17 Test The Store 6769 Kelly No, there is shame in it, okay? We have to draw the line somewhere.
45558 8 17 Test The Store 6769 Darryl Oh my God, I think I see the imprint of a ring pop.
45559 8 17 Test The Store 6769 Andy Oh...
45560 8 17 Test The Store 6770 Dwight Have you seen Erin?
45561 8 17 Test The Store 6770 Stanley I'm on break.
45562 8 17 Test The Store 6770 Dwight Oh God...  Hey no! Where do you think you're going? You've gotta stay for the big presentation we've got this young wiz kid -- Ryan. He's like an even more handsome Bill Gates.
45563 8 17 Test The Store 6770 Blogger When's the presentation?
45564 8 17 Test The Store 6770 Dwight It's moments away. Just stay here!
45565 8 17 Test The Store 6771 Ryan Hey Uncle Lucas, it's your nephew Ryan. Honestly, I could use a prescription for ritalin right now. Well, I know you did one for Aunt Carol. Oh, so it's different because it's your wife?  Well, that doesn't make any sense to me.
45566 8 17 Test The Store 6771 Nellie How you doing?
45567 8 17 Test The Store 6771 Ryan Don't talk to me right now. I'm sorry. I- I know you're my boss, but seriously, you need to get the hell out of my face. What I don't understand is...
45568 8 17 Test The Store 6771 Nellie Your little man is unraveling. Now go and fix it.
45569 8 17 Test The Store 6772 Erin Sorry about kicking you out. It's just, we don't want our brand associated with death.
45570 8 17 Test The Store 6772 Old Lady It's okay. I'll go to the Costco and search for handsome men.
45571 8 17 Test The Store 6772 Erin You're not married yet?
45572 8 17 Test The Store 6772 Old Lady Oh, I was. My husband was my best friend. He passed away.
45573 8 17 Test The Store 6772 Erin My best friend was my boss, Andy. We dated for a while, but since then, he rejected me, and we're not really friends.
45574 8 17 Test The Store 6772 Old Lady Someone rejected you? With that body and those bazongas? Forget him!
45575 8 17 Test The Store 6772 Erin Yeah! Forget him! And you should forget your husband.
45576 8 17 Test The Store 6772 Old Lady Well...
45577 8 17 Test The Store 6773 Dwight How long has he been in the bathroom?
45578 8 17 Test The Store 6773 Jim About ten minutes.
45579 8 17 Test The Store 6773 Dwight Jeez! What's he doing in there?
45580 8 17 Test The Store 6773 Jim Oops, that's my phone. Am I allowed to answer it or are you gonna freak out?
45581 8 17 Test The Store 6773 Dwight Are there any bloggers around?
45582 8 17 Test The Store 6773 Jim It's Ryan. "I'm sorry. I lied. I'm not in the bathroom. I can't do it. I need to see my mom. I'm going home."
45583 8 17 Test The Store 6773 Nellie What is the delay here? Where's Ryan? Why is he not here?
45584 8 17 Test The Store 6773 Dwight I had to send him home. As brilliant and creative as he is, he is nothing... compared to this guy!
45585 8 17 Test The Store 6773 Jim Uh...
45586 8 17 Test The Store 6773 Nellie What?
45587 8 17 Test The Store 6773 Dwight That's right. Will you just give us a second?
45588 8 17 Test The Store 6773 Nellie You are gonna bloody ruin it. You're gonna bloody ruin it because you're a no-good half-assed cock-eyed...
45589 8 17 Test The Store 6773 Jim okay.
45590 8 17 Test The Store 6773 Nellie That's....
45591 8 17 Test The Store 6773 Dwight Jim --
45592 8 17 Test The Store 6773 Jim I'm not doing the Presentation.
45593 8 17 Test The Store 6773 Dwight Look at me. Look at me! Look... at... this... face. This is not the face of a performer. This is the face of a scary apparition you see before you die. I'm telling you... if you don't do this, I don't stand a chance. Please, Jim.
45594 8 17 Test The Store 6773 Jim Okay, I'll do it.
45595 8 17 Test The Store 6773 Dwight Oh, my God. O... Kay! Go get into Ryan's costume and check out his notes.
45596 8 17 Test The Store 6773 Jim A costume?
45597 8 17 Test The Store 6773 Dwight Of course there's a costume!  Oh, this is gonna be great. There's nothing like some last-minutes changes to really energize a presentation.
45598 8 17 Test The Store 6774 Dwight Did you pass out in there? What is taking so long?
45599 8 17 Test The Store 6774 Jim I've been in here for 20 seconds.
45600 8 17 Test The Store 6774 Dwight Hurry up. Let me in. I wanna watch you get dressed. Did you find the eyeliner?
45601 8 17 Test The Store 6774 Jim I'm not wearing eyeliner.
45602 8 17 Test The Store 6774 Dwight You are wearing eyeliner, Jim.
45603 8 17 Test The Store 6775 Jim Time. Space. Gender. There are no rules anymore. All boundaries are breaking down in the wake of the infinite future. The only thing that -- the only thing that remain -- the only thing that remains are the things that have stood the test of time -- love, values, and of course, the pyramids -- the strongest shape ever constructed, a shape that fits all other shapes inside of it. No, that's --
45604 8 17 Test The Store 6775 Dwight It's true.
45605 8 17 Test The Store 6775 Jim This... is the future, because... This is the past. I've been through a lot of issues in my life. I've seen drug addiction -- unemployment. I've been in a relationship that tore my heart apart, without ever being able to accept that love drove the pain.
45606 8 17 Test The Store 6775 Dwight Yep.
45607 8 17 Test The Store 6775 Jim When I was ten years old, my parents took me to Disney world. I cried the whole time. I was not able to comprehend the beauty that was before me.  I just wanted... to go home.  This is what the Pyramid will do for you. It is the bridge to the world. It has a usb port. Wireless... will be available in 2013.  You can play Anything from Chuck to Cars 2. With the Pyramid, you have the connection to everything -- in time... and space.
45608 8 17 Test The Store 6775 Crowd ahhhhhh
45609 8 17 Test The Store 6775 Dwight Psst.
45610 8 17 Test The Store 6775 Jim Oh.
45611 8 17 Test The Store 6775 Ryan Sabre... It's time... to come home.
45612 8 17 Test The Store 6775 Jim All right.  Thank you so much. Wow. Wow! And good night!
45613 8 17 Test The Store 6775 Jim Yeah.  Thank you. Thank you.
45614 8 17 Test The Store 6776 Toby Okay, this isn't over. Let's stay focused, okay?  We made fun of Andy earlier for getting beat up by a little girl, but... little things can be dangerous.
45615 8 17 Test The Store 6776 Kevin Whether it's a gremlin or chucky the doll. The key is to throw it in something. Like a fireplace, or a tub of electricity.
45616 8 17 Test The Store 6776 Toby Okay. Good point...
45617 8 17 Test The Store 6776 Angela Good point? What is a tub of electricity?
45618 8 17 Test The Store 6776 Toby I don't... I don't...
45619 8 17 Test The Store 6776 Oscar With all due respect we know what we're defending against: a twelve year old female bully.
45620 8 17 Test The Store 6776 Kelly I was a twelve year old bully.
45621 8 17 Test The Store 6776 Angela Great! I think Kelly should attack Toby.
45622 8 17 Test The Store 6776 Others Yeah.
45623 8 17 Test The Store 6776 Kelly Yeah, that's not a bad idea, actually, because I have had a lot of pent up aggression.
45624 8 17 Test The Store 6776 Angela Thanks.
45625 8 17 Test The Store 6776 Kelly Good. Let's go.
45626 8 17 Test The Store 6776 Toby I don't know if this is gonna help...Uh...
45627 8 17 Test The Store 6776 Angela Let's go Kelly.
45628 8 17 Test The Store 6776 Toby We should stay to maybe some more traditional models...
45629 8 17 Test The Store 6776 Kelly You think you're so pretty!  Well you're not gonna be so pretty come Prom time!
45630 8 17 Test The Store 6776 Toby Okay, this is what's called pre-violent posturing.
45631 8 17 Test The Store 6776 Kelly Take that!  Not so pre-violent anymore!
45632 8 17 Test The Store 6776 Toby Okay, I'm at what's called "the decision point."
45633 8 17 Test The Store 6776 Andy Hey, hey, hey. Kelly Kelly, Kelly... come on.... Ow! God! My good eye!
45634 8 17 Test The Store 6776 Pam Oh boy. Oh no, I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at, um, something that Cece did on the playground earlier -- yesterday. This morning.
45635 8 17 Test The Store 6776 Andy You know why I got hit by girls? Because I stood up for others. Pam and for Toby.  I stepped in and I didn't care that I was standing up to girls. You may wanna ask yourselves, "Where were you when the girls came?"
45636 8 17 Test The Store 6777 Andy Tough day. Yes. But I feel good. I put the office in their place, took a bunch of pain killers, drank a half a bottle of wine, took my pants off.  I just feel good!
45637 8 17 Test The Store 6778 Dwight Okay, okay, I will be the first to admit it.  We could have integrated more Chuck into the Presentation.
45638 8 17 Test The Store 6778 Nellie Dwight.  You're the vice president.
45639 8 17 Test The Store 6778 Dwight Ha, ha, ha, ha! Yeah!
45640 8 17 Test The Store 6778 Dwight Okay! Come on!
45641 8 17 Test The Store 6778 Nellie aagh!
45642 8 17 Test The Store 6778 Dwight Hah! Yah! Boom!
45643 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6779 Andy Everyone stop what you're doing, I have terrible news. Dwight is no longer with us.
45644 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6779 Everyone What?! Why is that?
45645 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6779 Andy He's gone, damn it! He's been promoted to VP of Sabre Retail and he's staying in Florida forever.
45646 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6779 Angela So, he's alive.
45647 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6779 Andy Yeah. That was him on the phone. He sounds wonderful.
45648 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6779 Angela Well, the way you said it made it sound like he was dead.
45649 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6779 Andy How could I have been more clear? He had a massive stroke of good fortune and he is now in a better place.
45650 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6779 Phyllis If Dwight's not coming back, does that mean we can open his treasure?
45651 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6779 Oscar You guys, we've gone over this, there is no treasure.
45652 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6780 Oscar When the team left for Tallahassee, Dwight told everyone not to touch his treasure. Obviously he wants us to obsess about it. There's nothing in there. Which is obviously what he would want us to think, making it the perfect place to hide a treasure. Oh god, I'm Wallace Shawn in The Princess Bride.
45653 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6781 Andy I think that Dwight wanted us to realize that this conversation among friends is the true treasure.
45654 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6781 Oscar I am dying to know what's in there.
45655 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6781 Andy Yeah, I know, Oscar we all are but nobody's gonna open it. You'd have to be insane.
45656 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6781 Creed Hi, hello.
45657 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6782 Andy Now, carefully... open the box.
45658 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6782 Creed It's a photo of all of us.
45659 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6782 Pam Aw, that's so sweet!
45660 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6783 Dwight A dart? Are you kidding me? Who would put a poison dart, well, I mean, I don't know that it's poison. I mean, I just have to imagine. God, I'm glad he's OK though. Kinda sounds like he deserved it, opening another man's treasure and all. Wow!
45661 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6784 Dwight Well, mister ball, it's been a pleasure. Now, give my regards to hell. Da!
45662 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6784 Nellie Oh, all right! Well swung my VIP VP.
45663 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6784 Robert California I am loving the chemistry between you two.
45664 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6784 Nellie I am so happy Dwight is gonna be working alongside me. We are a regular Archibald and his man George.
45665 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6784 Robert California I bet. I'm excited.
45666 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6784 Nellie Trick... there's no such thing. It's not even a real English duo.
45667 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6784 Dwight Ah!
45668 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6784 Nellie I just made you look like the goat of Dover. And that doesn't exist either.
45669 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6784 Dwight You think you're excited? You should feel my nipples.
45670 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6784 Jim Oh, that reminds me. Little something from all of us.
45671 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6784 Dwight Oh my gosh, thank you Jim, that's so thoughtful. Four! Oh yeah!
45672 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6784 Nellie He doesn't even care.
45673 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6784 Dwight Don't even care!
45674 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6785 Jim This is the last time I'll ever see Dwight. It's a weird feeling, it's, um, what's the word? It's not, it's not bittersweet. It's uh... sweet. Yeah.
45675 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6786 Darryl Hey, man. Selling cookies for Jada. Want the same as last year?
45676 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6786 Andy Would if I could. And I can so I will. Put me down for one box. Don't care what it is, dealer's choice.
45677 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6786 Darryl I'll put you down for shortbreads.
45678 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6786 Andy Damn it.
45679 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6786 Toby Knock, knock. Hey, Sasha's first year in the troops, so I'm selling cookies for her. Anyway, would you like some?
45680 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6786 Darryl No. No.
45681 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6786 Toby What?
45682 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6786 Darryl I been selling here for five years. This is my spot.
45683 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6786 Toby You can't claim territories. This is the only place I interact with people. Can't you sell at your church or barber shop? Or chess club, or?
45684 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6786 Darryl You know what? It's your first time, let's split the office. You can have sales, the annex, Creed, and I don't know I'll just take, uh, accounting.
45685 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6786 Toby That's it? Yeah, well, ok. Thanks Darryl.
45686 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6786 Darryl OK, great.
45687 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6787 Darryl All I need is Kevin. Dude buys more cookies than everyone combined and then some. When I first started selling cookies he was a relatively thin man. Not a thin man, mind you. Relatively thin.
45688 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6788 Erin Hellosi, I'm home, babaloo.
45689 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6788 Elderly Woman Oh, here let me help.
45690 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6788 Erin I got it. It was so busy at the store today. Really good cheese samples. I had, like, a hundred.
45691 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6789 Erin Irene hired me as her live-in helper. We met at the store launch. I told her I was moving here and I needed a place and it just sort of made sense. I basically do everything for her. I run errands. I do chores around the house. I cook and clean. Honestly, I don't know how she survived without me.
45692 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6790 Irene When can I introduce you to my grandson? He's a wonderful swimmer. Shallow end, deep end. He does it all.
45693 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6790 Erin Well, today might be kind of tough, Irene. I have to talk to my old boss, Andy, and tell him I'm staying in Florida.
45694 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6790 Irene Thank you. Oh, what kind of tea is this?
45695 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6790 Erin Oh, I boiled some Gatorade.
45696 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6791 Nellie Ah. In England, they put the holes a little bit to the right, you see. We'll just chalk it up to cultural bias.
45697 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6791 Robert California If I may, try holding the putter... yeah, with your wrists here. And your thumbs here.
45698 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6791 Nellie Oh.
45699 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6791 Robert California That's right. Your little finger.
45700 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6792 Darryl Would you like to buy some cookies?
45701 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6792 Kevin Cookies, eh?
45702 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6793 Kevin Oh, the springtime thinks that it's the best. And fall time thinks that it's the best. Cold time has, kind of a strut. And Valentine's thinks that it's the best. But gather round, peeps, I'll tell you the truth. Nothing beats the cookie season, that's the truth.
45703 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6794 Darryl It's not a scratch-and-sniff, Kev.
45704 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6794 Kevin I know. But sometimes you still get a little something.
45705 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6794 Toby Hey, you tricked me. You just wanted Kevin.
45706 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6794 Darryl You're new to the game. You learned a lesson today. See you next year, sport.
45707 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6794 Toby No, no, no. It's not fair. What if Kevin wants to buy cookies from me?
45708 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6794 Kevin I do.
45709 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6794 Toby See?
45710 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6794 Darryl That doesn't mean anything. Kevin, do you want to buy cookies from me?
45711 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6794 Kevin Oh, I definitely do.
45712 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6794 Darryl Huh. Hit the road, jack.
45713 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6794 Toby No, you hit the road, jack.
45714 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6794 Kevin Hey guys, come on. Don't fight over me.
45715 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6794 Toby You know, why don't we split the order? It's only fair.
45716 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6794 Kevin No. Wait, no. I'm buying, I make the rules. I actually do want you to fight over me. I wanna be wined and dined and... 69ed.
45717 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6794 Angela Ugh.
45718 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6794 Kevin Metaphorically 69ed. Ew. Perverts... no offence Oscar.
45719 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6795 Nellie Hop in, we have places to be. No rest for the wicked.
45720 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6795 Jim All right. So... I guess this is it.
45721 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6795 Dwight Well, Jim, I just want to say that we haven't always got along and at times, I've even hated your guts. But... bye, bye. I win.
45722 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6795 Jim Goodbye, Dwight.
45723 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6795 Dwight Robert, race you to the clubhouse, gentlemen's bet. Woohoo!
45724 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6796 Jim Well, he's Florida's problem now.
45725 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6796 Robert California I'll let Dwight have his fun. Today will not be his day.
45726 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6796 Jim What's that?
45727 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6796 Robert California I'm gonna tank the Sabre store at the presentation to the board.
45728 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6796 Jim I thought you liked the store?
45729 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6796 Robert California Well, the store is lovely. You created a wonderful space to showcase our product line. Great job. Cheers.
45730 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6796 Jim Thank you.
45731 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6796 Robert California But, there's a reason we sell our products online and over-the-phone. Have you ever used Sabre electronics, Jim? They're cheap. They're unintuitive. The Sabre store would work if we adopted the carnival model of leaving town once everyone's wives do us.
45732 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6796 Jim Wow. When you put it that way, I guess it does sound pretty terrible.
45733 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6796 Robert California I couldn't just kill the project from the start. Jo Bennett endorsed it. Shame though, I did like Dwight.
45734 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6796 Dwight Robert! I'm gonna win, ha ha, I'm the gentleman! Suck it!
45735 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6796 Robert California Bravo, Dwight! Very good! Shame.
45736 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6797 Dwight The math is simple folks. Deeper market penetration, plus greater visibility, will raise Sabre to the power of two.
45737 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6797 Nellie How did that look?
45738 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6797 Gabe I'm not just saying this, that was the best thing I've ever seen.
45739 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6797 Dwight I told you.
45740 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6797 Todd Packer When you guys do that whole power of two shebang, how 'bout I pop up also? I guess we'd have to say 'power of three'. Hm, actually, you know what, yeah, that actually works. You'd spin off right. I'd spin off-
45741 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6797 Dwight You know what? That is a great idea. Cathy, write that down and print it out. It's gonna make some really good toilet paper.
45742 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6797 Jim All right. There he is.
45743 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6797 Dwight What are you doing here? I thought I got rid of you?
45744 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6797 Jim Can I just talk to you for one quick second?
45745 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6797 Dwight What, your stylist ran out of 'messy spray'?
45746 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6797 Jim Um, actually it's, it's for your own good. I think maybe we should-
45747 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6797 Dwight You want to do something for my own good? Turn around, walk out that door, do not stop 'til you get to Scranton, find my cell phone charger, mail it back to me, and then go hell.
45748 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6797 Todd Packer Nice. Hey, Halpert, anyone ever tell you you look like Wooly Willy?
45749 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6797 Dwight Silence.
45750 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6797 Todd Packer Aw, I'm just trying to-
45751 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6797 Dwight I know what you're trying to do, I don't want it. But your face does look like the guy from Operation.
45752 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6797 Todd Packer That's... that's the same guy. It's the joke I made.
45753 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6797 Dwight Different guy.
45754 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6797 Jim You know, I just think you should know that-
45755 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6797 Dwight That you look like the world's tallest hobbit.
45756 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6798 Jim Well, I tried. You saw it, so, it's on the record. I have a plane to catch.
45757 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6799 Erin Can you help me? I'm trying to make a video chat with Andy.
45758 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6799 Irene Just open the program and type in his user name.
45759 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6799 Erin Can you just do it?
45760 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6799 Irene Here, type in your password.
45761 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6799 Erin 'Erin123'
45762 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6799 Irene That's a terrible password. And you don't 'make a video chat', you video chat.
45763 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6799 Erin All right.
45764 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6799 Andy Hello?
45765 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6799 Erin That's so weird. There's something wrong with my laptop. Oh. I fixed it.
45766 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6799 Andy Oh, now mine's broken. Hang on. Oh, there we go.
45767 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6800 Pam He said, 'I did like Dwight'? He's gonna fire him.
45768 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6800 Jim No, no, I think it was more like, 'you know, I liked him, but I don't anymore because he did a bad job, so I'm definitely gonna yell at him'.
45769 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6800 Pam Robert doesn't talk like that. You have to stop Dwight from doing this.
45770 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6800 Jim I tried. He will not listen.
45771 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6800 Pam Did you actually try your hardest?
45772 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6800 Jim Yes... my pretty hardest. Look, you haven't dealt with him in awhile, all right. He's like super Dwight. It's like he's been bitten by a radioactive Dwight, or som- Stanley, back me up.
45773 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6800 Stanley Don't talk to me.
45774 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6800 Jim Stanley's very upset that we're leaving Florida. But he would back me up.
45775 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6800 Pam If Dwight's about to get fired, you have to tell him. Just get the words out. That's all you can do.
45776 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6800 Jim OK. All right.
45777 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6801 Darryl What's a skinny guy like Toby know about cookies? You can't trust him to understand the wants and needs of the thick man. Maybe Toby from two years ago.
45778 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6801 Phyllis Yeah.
45779 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6801 Kevin That's true. If I have a question about my cookies at midnight, who am I gonna call? Darryl. Toby's probably in bed with some model.
45780 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6801 Darryl Thank you.
45781 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6801 Toby I'm, I'm not gonna comment on my personal life.
45782 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6801 Darryl Look, I need this. Ok? Your daughter is a pretty little girl. Let her go door-to-door. You think people gonna buy cookies from my chubby daughter?
45783 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6801 Phyllis Oh.
45784 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6802 Darryl Baby, if you're watching this, you're not chubby, you're beautiful. Daddy's just got to sell some cookies. And we're also gonna exercise more. It's gonna be fun.
45785 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6803 Kelly Oh, you know what you have to do? To decide? You need to make them do things for you. And, like, buy you things.
45786 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6803 Pam Or have them sing that song! That the frog does in Looney Tunes.
45787 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6803 Phyllis Make them kiss each other.
45788 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6803 Meredith Make them kiss me.
45789 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6804 Erin Yes, this is too tan. This right here-
45790 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6804 Andy No.
45791 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6804 Erin This is a tanned spot.
45792 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6804 Andy I don't buy it. It, that is a freckle. That is not a tan, ok? I'm gonna have to inspect it in person when you get back here. I want you looking totally 'puerto ricania' when i see you.
45793 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6804 Erin Well, Andy, I'm not coming back.
45794 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6804 Andy What?
45795 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6804 Erin I have a job here. I work for an old lady.
45796 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6804 Irene Hello!
45797 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6804 Erin Andy?
45798 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6804 Andy Yeah, that's awesome. That's great.
45799 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6805 Kevin This is tough. 'Cause Darryl, you sang better and you dance better but Toby has that indescribable quality that makes a star. I think I've reached my decision. I have decided... that you guys are gonna keep doing things for me.
45800 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6805 Darryl No, no, no, no. It's not worth it.
45801 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6805 Toby No.
45802 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6805 Kevin No, it's not worth it? That's too bad. 'Cause I was feeling particularly hungry this year.
45803 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6805 Darryl Yeah, ok so what, you buy 40 boxes?
45804 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6805 Kevin Hungrier.
45805 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6805 Toby 50?
45806 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6805 Kevin Hungrier.
45807 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6805 Darryl You're not talking... triple digits?
45808 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6805 Kevin Oh yeah, I'm talking triple digits. Again.
45809 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6806 Dwight Showtime.
45810 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6806 Jim Dwight.
45811 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6806 Dwight You again? Gosh, I keep throwing you away, you keep flying back here. You're like an Amish return stick.
45812 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6806 Jim OK, great, listen to me. Listen to me. No, no, I know. Will you just let me tell you one thing, please?
45813 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6806 Dwight Yes, you may tell me one thing. Wait, you want to borrow money?
45814 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6806 Jim Listen to me. Robert is going to veto the Sabre store.
45815 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6806 Dwight Jim, come on.
45816 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6806 Jim Dwight, he's gonna kill the store.
45817 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6806 Dwight Uh-huh.
45818 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6806 Jim And then, I'm pretty sure he's gonna fire you for it.
45819 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6806 Dwight Wait. He's gonna kill the store? And he's gonna fire me?
45820 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6806 Jim Yes.
45821 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6806 Dwight That's two things.
45822 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6806 Jim Dwight, please.
45823 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6806 Dwight Nice try, Jim. Your pranks have never worked in the past and they're not going to work today.
45824 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6806 Jim OK, first of all, they've mostly worked, so-
45825 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6806 Dwight You know what? You might want to get to the airport. It's gonna take you a long time to get through security with all those beauty products. Bye.
45826 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6806 Jim Dwight, come o-
45827 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6806 Dwight Nothing is gonna stop me. That is the mark of a great man. Unstoppability. Dunder-Mifflin, the farm, Mose, all those things vanish in my rearview mirror. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date with destiny. And from what I hear, she's a slu- Ah!
45828 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6807 Dwight Help! Help!
45829 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6807 Jim Gross! Don't lick my hand! God, why is there so much saliva?
45830 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6807 Dwight AlI had to do was think about pie and my salivary glands did the rest.
45831 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6807 Jim Gross!
45832 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6807 Dwight Ah!
45833 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6807 Jim What? What, what, what, what, what?
45834 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6807 Dwight Oh, god! You... oh! My appendix-
45835 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6807 Jim I'm sorry.
45836 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6807 Dwight My wound hasn't healed yet.
45837 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6807 Jim I'm so sorry, I forgot.
45838 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6807 Dwight Oh, man!
45839 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6807 Jim You all right? You ok?
45840 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6807 Dwight Rrrah!
45841 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6808 Nellie Where the hell is he? I cannot do this without him.
45842 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6808 Cathy I don't know. He's not picking up.
45843 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6808 Todd Packer Well, looks like Shnoot's a no-show. Guess he wasn't vice presy material after all. But I am. Put me in, babe. I got the info down backwards, forwards, and doggy-style. I'm your man.
45844 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6808 Nellie Right, let's begin then. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce the vice president of Sabre Retail, Mr. Todd Packer.
45845 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6808 Todd Packer Sup?
45846 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6809 Phyllis What are you doing?
45847 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6809 Andy I'm just dealing with Erin's stuff since apparently she's not coming back. And she didn't bother to tell anyone.
45848 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6809 Oscar We knew. Ryan told us.
45849 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6809 Andy Ryan, why didn't you tell me?
45850 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6809 Ryan Thought you checker my Tumblr?
45851 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6809 Andy You never update it.
45852 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6809 Ryan Well, I updated it.
45853 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6809 Andy Does anyone else think this is weird? And like, kind of uncool, actually? To leave us without a receptionist?
45854 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6809 Pam We'll find another receptionist. I mean, that's easy. We'll be fine.
45855 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6810 Dwight Huh, huh, huh!
45856 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6810 Jim What are you doing?
45857 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6810 Dwight I was trying to go-
45858 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6810 Jim Get up.
45859 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6810 Dwight Ok, ok.
45860 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6810 Jim Get up. All right? I'm not gonna let you by.
45861 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6810 Dwight Then you know what? I'm just gonna have to run right through you.
45862 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6810 Jim OK. What are you doing? Are you really revving up? you know that doesn't work.
45863 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6810 Dwight Jackie Chan!
45864 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6811 Kevin Go.
45865 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6811 Darryl Hi. This is Alex.
45866 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6811 Toby And this is Sam.
45867 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6811 Darryl Kevin can't come to the phone right now because he's busy with us.
45868 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6811 Kevin Perfect! Now people will think I'm doing hot girls all day.
45869 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6811 Darryl I don't know, man, they might think we're drag queens.
45870 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6811 Toby Yeah, I don't know why you picked names that are also guys' names.
45871 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6811 Kevin Okay, now who do I ride to the kitchen like a pony?
45872 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6811 Toby Don't make me be your pony, Kevin.
45873 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6811 Darryl Forget it, man.
45874 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6811 Kevin What do you mean?
45875 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6811 Darryl I'm out. And so is Toby.
45876 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6812 Darryl This may be wrong. But there's a limit to what I would do for my child.
45877 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6812 Toby Yeah. I have my dignity too. I refuse to be another man's horsey.
45878 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6813 Kevin No guys, stop! You have to sell me cookies. I'll do anything. I'm even gonna kiss Meredith. That is... hmph... that's ah... so good.
45879 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6814 Jim What are you doing? No. No, no, no.
45880 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6814 Dwight This. Ends. Now.
45881 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6814 Jim This is dangerous.
45882 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6814 Dwight Rrahh!
45883 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6814 Jim Why?
45884 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6814 Dwight Anything else you need to talk about?
45885 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6814 Jim Nope. I think that was it.
45886 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6815 Dwight Once again, it's show time.
45887 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6816 Robert California What baffles me is how you could take a perfectly good idea, which the great Jo Bennett rightfully signed off on, and then utterly botch it in execution.
45888 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6816 Todd Packer If I may speak to that, I have only been vice president of this project for the last half hour, so the man you want is Dwight Shrute.
45889 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6816 Robert California I don't see Dwight. He clearly had the infinite wisdom to stay as far away from this clown show as possible.
45890 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6816 Nellie Whatever you do, do not blame Todd Packer. It is not his fault. Blame his upbringing, his parents, the society that would mold this idiotic creature. Fire the employee, yes... but not the man. You may not cancel his soul.
45891 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6816 Robert California That was never on the table.
45892 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6816 Todd Packer Are you kidding? She's the queen of the whole freaking Magilla!
45893 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6816 Robert California And yet Todd, it's you who's fired.
45894 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6816 Todd Packer What, you, I, I can't get fired. I'm an institution. I have been at this company for 20 years. How many of you have been here that long, huh?
45895 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6817 Darryl Hey, hey. They're back.
45896 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6817 Kelly Dwight, what are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be in Florida?
45897 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6817 Jim Yeah, the crazy thing about that is, um, wow you look great. Did you lose some weight?
45898 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6817 Kelly Thank you, for someone who actually notices this. No, I didn't lose weight. But I started using my makeup to contour my face to look skinnier. I actually put on five pounds.
45899 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6817 Phyllis Hey! Good to have you back.
45900 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6817 Stanley Good to be back.
45901 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6817 Pam Hey, stranger!
45902 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6817 Jim Hey.
45903 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6817 Pam Aw, I missed you.
45904 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6817 Jim I missed you.
45905 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6817 Pam Aw.
45906 8 18 Last Day In Florida 6818 Andy I'm going to Florida to get Erin. Forgot to turn off my email. It's crazy, right? It's just, when she said she was leaving, I felt so- 'You're about to close four tabs, are you sure you want to continue?' Yes. I am sure. Ah, slow computer!
45907 8 19 Get The Girl 6819 Pam This is Pam. Oh my God, are you sure? Uh, okay. Okay, um, we'll be right there. Everybody, the balloon is falling.
45908 8 19 Get The Girl 6819 Kevin Nice.
45909 8 19 Get The Girl 6820 Pam There's this balloon that has been floating in the rafters of the warehouse for, like, ever. And, okay, it's not -- it doesn't sound cool. You just have to see it.
45910 8 19 Get The Girl 6821 Pam Well, I guess it doesn't look that cool either. But, it's been up there a long time, so it's become a pretty big deal.
45911 8 19 Get The Girl 6822 Jim Wow. It's the end of an era.
45912 8 19 Get The Girl 6822 Pam Did a good job, Buddy. Now it's time to come home.
45913 8 19 Get The Girl 6822 Oscar I remember when that balloon went up there. I was still with Gil. We were so happy.
45914 8 19 Get The Girl 6822 Kevin When that went up there, I had hair like Rapunzel.
45915 8 19 Get The Girl 6822 Ryan How long do you think it's been up there, Kevin?
45916 8 19 Get The Girl 6822 Kevin I just remember pushing aside my silky bangs to say, "Look, a balloon."
45917 8 19 Get The Girl 6822 Dwight My warcraft clan was still on speaking terms.
45918 8 19 Get The Girl 6822 Meredith My kid didn't have a face tattoo.
45919 8 19 Get The Girl 6822 Darryl I was still thinking of going back to school.
45920 8 19 Get The Girl 6822 Jim And I was still just a paper salesman.
45921 8 19 Get The Girl 6822 Dwight Well this has been fun, Pam. Thanks for calling us all down here.
45922 8 19 Get The Girl 6823 All Kill the balloon. Kill the balloon. Kill the balloon. Kill the balloon. Kill the balloon.
45923 8 19 Get The Girl 6824 Jim Hey. So they accidentally gave us an extra egg sandwich this morning. Who wants it?
45924 8 19 Get The Girl 6824 Kevin oooh
45925 8 19 Get The Girl 6824 Darryl Me.
45926 8 19 Get The Girl 6824 Phyllis Yeah.
45927 8 19 Get The Girl 6824 Dwight Right here.
45928 8 19 Get The Girl 6824 Nellie Allow me to solve your problem, then.
45929 8 19 Get The Girl 6824 Jim Nellie
45930 8 19 Get The Girl 6824 Nellie Mmm. Oh, that is disgusting. Do you call that a King James breakfast pie?
45931 8 19 Get The Girl 6824 Jim What brings you to town?
45932 8 19 Get The Girl 6824 Nellie Certainly not the Harry Houdini Museum. What a nobody. Oh look, some Hungarian just found their way out of a sack. Let's build a shrine. No, I've come to work here.
45933 8 19 Get The Girl 6824 Dwight What?
45934 8 19 Get The Girl 6825 Dwight How could Robert transfer Nellie here after the Sabre store debacle? She stinks of failure. The fact that she could show her face around here is an embarrassment. I should know. I'm in an identical situation.
45935 8 19 Get The Girl 6826 Toby Robert did say you'd be joining us. Welcome. I'm Tony.
45936 8 19 Get The Girl 6826 Nellie Mm.
45937 8 19 Get The Girl 6826 Pam What?
45938 8 19 Get The Girl 6826 Toby I- I said I'm Tony. Okay I made a mistake. I thought it might go unnoticed. But uh, I'm Toby.
45939 8 19 Get The Girl 6826 Pam You messed up saying your name?
45940 8 19 Get The Girl 6826 Toby It happens, okay? Uh, so let's just find an empty desk for you, and uh, I'm sure Robert will be with you as soon as he gets in.
45941 8 19 Get The Girl 6826 Nellie That one looks empty.
45942 8 19 Get The Girl 6826 Jim No, that's Andy's office.
45943 8 19 Get The Girl 6826 Nellie Oh, is it?
45944 8 19 Get The Girl 6827 Nellie I have one simple philosophy in business: if the seat is open, the job is open. It's how I came to briefly race a formula one car. The three slowest laps ever recorded.
45945 8 19 Get The Girl 6828 Erin Another beautiful day in Tallahassee. Ooh. Good morning, Alonzo.
45946 8 19 Get The Girl 6828 Alonzo Good morning Erin.
45947 8 19 Get The Girl 6828 Erin How are you? How's your family doing?
45948 8 19 Get The Girl 6828 Erin Bye.
45949 8 19 Get The Girl 6829 Erin Look at this place! Five rooms, and I get to clean them all. That's right. I'm a maid for an old lady. Her grandson's staying with us too because he ran out of money. Listen to me, bragging away.
45950 8 19 Get The Girl 6830 Robert Nellie.
45951 8 19 Get The Girl 6830 Nellie Robert.
45952 8 19 Get The Girl 6830 Robert How are you adjusting to life in Scranton so far?
45953 8 19 Get The Girl 6830 Nellie So far, so good.
45954 8 19 Get The Girl 6830 Robert Good.
45955 8 19 Get The Girl 6830 Nellie Water pressure in the hotel is marvelous.
45956 8 19 Get The Girl 6830 Robert Ah, well, it is astounding what a difference that can make, isn't it?
45957 8 19 Get The Girl 6830 Nellie Mm-hm.
45958 8 19 Get The Girl 6830 Robert Now. Let's find you something fun to do here, shall we?
45959 8 19 Get The Girl 6830 Nellie Oh, I've already found it. I am manager, a natural next step. It fits like a glove.
45960 8 19 Get The Girl 6830 Robert We have a manager.
45961 8 19 Get The Girl 6830 Nellie Do you really? Because it is 10:00. I've been in this chair for an hour, and no other manager has come and sat in my lap.
45962 8 19 Get The Girl 6831 Robert Excuse me, has anyone seen Andy this morning?
45963 8 19 Get The Girl 6831 Kevin Huh. Yeah, that's weird. He's usually here by now. Right guys?
45964 8 19 Get The Girl 6831 Andy Hello.
45965 8 19 Get The Girl 6831 Robert Andy, it's Robert. Why aren't you at work?
45966 8 19 Get The Girl 6831 Andy Hey, Robert. Ah, I really wish I could come in to work today, but I'm super sick.
45967 8 19 Get The Girl 6831 Robert I don't care, I don't care. Please come to work immediately.
45968 8 19 Get The Girl 6831 Andy Okay, I'll try to come in even though I'm really sick with the...
45969 8 19 Get The Girl 6832 Andy ...Florida Flu.
45970 8 19 Get The Girl 6833 Robert He just hung up on me mid-sentence.
45971 8 19 Get The Girl 6834 Andy I'm in Florida to get Erin. As soon as I heard she wasn't coming back to Scranton, I jumped straight in my car and drove straight down till I hit the ocean. My heart is my map. Turns out, Tallahassee is about 200 miles inland, so I overshot a good amount. But still, not bad for a heart map right? Oh, no. Thanks a lot, BP.
45972 8 19 Get The Girl 6835 Robert Not much we can do about this until he gets here.
45973 8 19 Get The Girl 6835 Jim Can't you do something about this?
45974 8 19 Get The Girl 6835 Robert Sometimes the flowers arrange themselves, Jim.
45975 8 19 Get The Girl 6835 Jim #NAME?
45976 8 19 Get The Girl 6836 Jim What is going on? And where's Andy? And what is going on?
45977 8 19 Get The Girl 6837 Irene Erin, you got a package.
45978 8 19 Get The Girl 6837 Erin I'm in the bathroom.
45979 8 19 Get The Girl 6837 Glenn Where's the postage? I mean, there's no shipping label.
45980 8 19 Get The Girl 6837 Irene Did you wash your hands?
45981 8 19 Get The Girl 6837 Erin Yes.
45982 8 19 Get The Girl 6837 Andy Here I am; Signed, sealed, delivered; I'm yours!
45983 8 19 Get The Girl 6837 Erin Andy, what are you doing here? It's great to see you.
45984 8 19 Get The Girl 6838 Andy Uh, I am here to take you back to Scranton. Because I love you and I want to be with you.
45985 8 19 Get The Girl 6838 Irene Where's the ring?
45986 8 19 Get The Girl 6838 Andy Hm?
45987 8 19 Get The Girl 6838 Irene Where's the ring, Lancelot?
45988 8 19 Get The Girl 6838 Erin Uh, would you guys mind if we talked privately for a second? Sorry, Glenn.
45989 8 19 Get The Girl 6838 Erin Um, Andy... I am so happy to see you. But I'm not coming back with you.
45990 8 19 Get The Girl 6838 Glenn Why won't she go with him?
45991 8 19 Get The Girl 6838 Irene I don't know. Maybe it's 'cause he's not that handsome.
45992 8 19 Get The Girl 6838 Erin Hey... don't listen.
45993 8 19 Get The Girl 6839 Nellie So what is going on? That does seem to be the question, doesn't it? Hey, this is messed up, bro. Who is this weird lady? I know. It's a lot. So, who knows what's going on? Anyone? You, yes. Wait, I am very good at intuiting names. Is it... chumbo?
45994 8 19 Get The Girl 6840 Jim I think it's a cross between Dumbo and Jumbo, with a hint of chubby. It's not a name.
45995 8 19 Get The Girl 6841 Nellie So no one can tell me what's going on. Well, let me illuminate things for you. We are getting to know each other. But why, m'lady? Because I am your new manager.
45996 8 19 Get The Girl 6841 Pam Robert, is Nellie our new manager?
45997 8 19 Get The Girl 6841 Robert This is an odd situation. But it's very interesting how it's playing out.
45998 8 19 Get The Girl 6842 Robert We live in this world of routines and rhythms. Kevin ate someone's lunch. Phyllis has a new necklace. Who is this woman?
45999 8 19 Get The Girl 6843 Nellie I came in here simply trying to get to know you, learn your names, maybe have someone teach me the company song. And what I got in return was nothing but disrespect. You leave me no choice but to get to know you in a more intimate way.
46000 8 19 Get The Girl 6843 Kevin Hot tub party?
46001 8 19 Get The Girl 6843 Nellie Performance reviews.
46002 8 19 Get The Girl 6843 Pam How can you give us performance reviews if you don't know us?
46003 8 19 Get The Girl 6843 Nellie On first impressions, so I recommend smiling. It goes a long way with me.
46004 8 19 Get The Girl 6844 Glenn Erin, you really nailed the hot dogs today.
46005 8 19 Get The Girl 6844 Erin Oh, thanks. I've been re-using the hot dog water so it gets more flavor. It's only going to keep getting better.
46006 8 19 Get The Girl 6844 Irene So, Andrew, how does your skinny brunette girlfriend Jessica feel about you visiting your ex-girlfriend?
46007 8 19 Get The Girl 6844 Andy Well, we're not really dating anymore, so... basically, I mean, I just have to cross a few Ts and dot a few I's, you know.
46008 8 19 Get The Girl 6844 Erin So you came to get me, but you still have a girlfriend.
46009 8 19 Get The Girl 6844 Irene I think you should leave, young man.
46010 8 19 Get The Girl 6844 Andy All right. Technically, yes, I am still technically dating Jessica. But when I realized that I wanted you back, I just jumped in the car and I drove down here, and I didn't want to stop until I saw you.
46011 8 19 Get The Girl 6844 Erin You didn't even stop to pee? Gross.
46012 8 19 Get The Girl 6845 Jim Any luck?
46013 8 19 Get The Girl 6845 Pam No. He just keeps letting all the calls go to voicemail.
46014 8 19 Get The Girl 6845 Andy Please leave a message for Andy Bernard, include your na-
46015 8 19 Get The Girl 6846 Erin Oh, you're doing so good. Oh my God, you're superman over there.
46016 8 19 Get The Girl 6846 Irene You should take it. It's probably your girlfriend wondering where you are.
46017 8 19 Get The Girl 6846 Andy Nope. It's just work. Not important. You know, I can really feel this is my quads, I can tell I'm getting stronger.
46018 8 19 Get The Girl 6846 Irene You really wouldn't feel those kinds of results after one session.
46019 8 19 Get The Girl 6846 Andy I don't know. Just let it vibrate. It's fine.
46020 8 19 Get The Girl 6846 Irene You could put it on silent.
46021 8 19 Get The Girl 6846 Andy I don't think it does that.
46022 8 19 Get The Girl 6846 Irene Just go to preferences, then click â“
46023 8 19 Get The Girl 6846 Glenn Proctology.
46024 8 19 Get The Girl 6846 Jim Andy?
46025 8 19 Get The Girl 6846 Andy Jim?
46026 8 19 Get The Girl 6846 Jim Andy, where are you?
46027 8 19 Get The Girl 6846 Andy I- I'm home in bed. I've been in bed all day. I got the-- I got the serious poops, man.
46028 8 19 Get The Girl 6846 Irene He's here in Tallahassee, trying to turn my life upside down.
46029 8 19 Get The Girl 6846 Jim What? You're in Florida? Andy, Nellie Bertram's trying to take your job.
46030 8 19 Get The Girl 6846 Andy What do you mean, take my job?
46031 8 19 Get The Girl 6846 Jim Like, set up camp in your office and is calling herself the manager.
46032 8 19 Get The Girl 6846 Andy Okay... Jim, I really appreciate you looking out for me, but I'm not coming home without Erin. So I'll talk to you later.
46033 8 19 Get The Girl 6847 Jim Guys, we cannot do these performance reviews, okay? If we go into them, you're basically accepting Nellie as your manager, and trust me, you do not want her as your manager.
46034 8 19 Get The Girl 6847 Angela Trust you? The way Pam trusted you to provide for her so she wouldn't have to work?
46035 8 19 Get The Girl 6847 Pam I like working here.
46036 8 19 Get The Girl 6847 Jim Dwight, should she be our manager?
46037 8 19 Get The Girl 6847 Dwight I wouldn't let her manage a celery farm.
46038 8 19 Get The Girl 6848 Dwight Those who can't farm, farm celery.
46039 8 19 Get The Girl 6849 Jim And when was the last time Dwight and I agreed on anything ever?
46040 8 19 Get The Girl 6849 Nellie All right. Let's get going. First up, it is the woman with the beautiful fingernails and the tiny feet, Phyllis.
46041 8 19 Get The Girl 6849 Phyllis Nellie, I'm sorry, but I don't feel comfortable being evaluated by someone I don't know.
46042 8 19 Get The Girl 6849 Nellie Oh. Oh, okay. I understand. Let me show you how these are gonna go. Dwight.
46043 8 19 Get The Girl 6849 Dwight I refuse to be judged by someone that I do not respect. I lost respect for you in Florida. If it was up to me, you would be in jail forever.
46044 8 19 Get The Girl 6849 Nellie Dwight, I have completed your evaluation. You're getting a raise.
46045 8 19 Get The Girl 6849 Dwight What?
46046 8 19 Get The Girl 6849 Nellie Dwight, you carry this company on your massive shoulders. You are our Atlas, and for that do you not think you deserve a raise?
46047 8 19 Get The Girl 6849 Dwight There's no limit to what I think I deserve.
46048 8 19 Get The Girl 6849 Nellie Then you accept it?
46049 8 19 Get The Girl 6849 Dwight Five percent. No less.
46050 8 19 Get The Girl 6849 Nellie Absolutely not. Seven percent.
46051 8 19 Get The Girl 6849 Dwight Six percent, I know my worth.
46052 8 19 Get The Girl 6849 Jim The raise isn't real.
46053 8 19 Get The Girl 6849 Dwight Money isn't real ever since we got off the gold standard.
46054 8 19 Get The Girl 6849 Nellie So Phyllis, now you know the rules of the game. Would you care to have a go? I'm fairly certain you're going to like it.
46055 8 19 Get The Girl 6849 Pam Phyllis.
46056 8 19 Get The Girl 6849 Phyllis Pam.
46057 8 19 Get The Girl 6850 Nellie So, Phyllis, I have been very impressed with you.
46058 8 19 Get The Girl 6850 Phyllis Really?
46059 8 19 Get The Girl 6850 Nellie Oh, yeah. The way you conquered your fear and came in here, and now the way you sit there... all very impressive.
46060 8 19 Get The Girl 6851 Jim Um... are you aware that Nellie is giving out raises?
46061 8 19 Get The Girl 6851 Robert I am not. Huh.
46062 8 19 Get The Girl 6851 Jim Yeah. She gave one to Dwight, Phyllis.
46063 8 19 Get The Girl 6851 Robert Let me guess, you want one too? Take the family to Disneytown?
46064 8 19 Get The Girl 6851 Jim Land. World. Uh, it's not that I don't want a-- well, yes, I guess I'd take a raise. That's not what I'm saying. That's not-- sorry.
46065 8 19 Get The Girl 6851 Robert Jim, I told Andy to come in, and yet he is still not in. By contrast, Nellie Bertram saw a vacuum and filled it. To make no mention of her business experience or her relationship with Jo Bennett, my boss.
46066 8 19 Get The Girl 6851 Jim Yes.
46067 8 19 Get The Girl 6851 Robert Jim, would you prefer a nature metaphor or a sexual metaphor?
46068 8 19 Get The Girl 6851 Jim Oh, god, nature, please.
46069 8 19 Get The Girl 6851 Robert When two animals are having s*x, one of them...
46070 8 19 Get The Girl 6851 Robert ... is communicating a message to the other. Nothing is mutua-- this isn't very helpful. You're gonna want to hear the sexual metaphor.
46071 8 19 Get The Girl 6851 Jim Was that not the--
46072 8 19 Get The Girl 6851 Robert All life is s*x. And all s*x is competition.
46073 8 19 Get The Girl 6851 Jim Mm-hm.
46074 8 19 Get The Girl 6851 Robert And there are no rules to that game. That wasn't so perverted, now was it?
46075 8 19 Get The Girl 6851 Jim Was that it? No, that wasn't bad.
46076 8 19 Get The Girl 6851 Robert My point is, there is one person in charge of every office in America, and that person is Charles Darwin. In the end, doesn't he decide who the manager is?
46077 8 19 Get The Girl 6851 Jim No. I would've said no.
46078 8 19 Get The Girl 6852 Nellie Mm, let's see, review, review, review. Yes, good stuff. Here you go, have a raise.
46079 8 19 Get The Girl 6852 Kelly Oh, great.
46080 8 19 Get The Girl 6853 Jim I mean, if we go in there and take these raises, what are we saying? That it's okay for someone to just take someone else's job? Shouldn't work like that.
46081 8 19 Get The Girl 6853 Dwight No, you know what? Nellie's right. That is exactly how it should work. Darryl, this office is mine now.
46082 8 19 Get The Girl 6853 Darryl No.
46083 8 19 Get The Girl 6853 Dwight Yes.
46084 8 19 Get The Girl 6853 Darryl No.
46085 8 19 Get The Girl 6853 Dwight Yes.
46086 8 19 Get The Girl 6853 Darryl No.
46087 8 19 Get The Girl 6853 Dwight Yes.
46088 8 19 Get The Girl 6853 Darryl No.
46089 8 19 Get The Girl 6853 Dwight Yes.
46090 8 19 Get The Girl 6853 Darryl No.
46091 8 19 Get The Girl 6853 Dwight Yes. Yes, sorry too late. I'm here. This is mine. Back off.
46092 8 19 Get The Girl 6853 Dwight Ow! Ow, ow, ow. Ow, ow, ow, Ow.
46093 8 19 Get The Girl 6853 Dwight Well fought. I accept the outcome.
46094 8 19 Get The Girl 6853 Creed Touch me and I'll sue.
46095 8 19 Get The Girl 6854 Erin I've heard that's amazing when it works.
46096 8 19 Get The Girl 6854 Andy Yeah, if I had my own--
46097 8 19 Get The Girl 6854 Erin Andy, I care about you and I think--
46098 8 19 Get The Girl 6854 Andy #NAME?
46099 8 19 Get The Girl 6854 Erin No, go ahead.
46100 8 19 Get The Girl 6854 Andy Well, I was just going to say that, if I had my own fountain, it would be two frogs that are spitting into each other's mouth. It's just stupid. What were you going to say?
46101 8 19 Get The Girl 6854 Erin Andy, you broke my heart. Do you know what it feels like to be constantly rejected by you and to have to watch you date someone else?
46102 8 19 Get The Girl 6854 Andy You broke my heart too.
46103 8 19 Get The Girl 6854 Erin You broke my heart more recently and more often. And I think at some point, in my head, it just sort of clicked that we're not meant to be.
46104 8 19 Get The Girl 6854 Andy I'm so sorry that we have not loved each other at the same time.
46105 8 19 Get The Girl 6854 Erin I know.
46106 8 19 Get The Girl 6855 Nellie So, Pamela, I'm going to start this review, not by telling you what you lack, but rather, asking you what it is you want.
46107 8 19 Get The Girl 6855 Pam Really? Okay, well, um, I like consistency in the manager's position, no weird silent coups. Stuff like that. I'm easy.
46108 8 19 Get The Girl 6855 Nellie That's not really what you want. What you want is a good night's sleep, working mother of two.
46109 8 19 Get The Girl 6855 Pam Whoa, that's kind of condescending. Would you say something like that to Jim?
46110 8 19 Get The Girl 6855 Nellie Does Jim have to breastfeed? Did Jim carry around those babies for-- what is it? 12 months? Be honest, does Jim really get up in the night?
46111 8 19 Get The Girl 6855 Pam Well, I mean, the only reason he doesn't is because I'm breastfeeding, and Phillip doesn't like a bottle.
46112 8 19 Get The Girl 6855 Nellie You must be exhausted. Fancy a nap?
46113 8 19 Get The Girl 6855 Pam No.
46114 8 19 Get The Girl 6855 Nellie Go on. Have a nap. Lie down right here. There's a blanket in here. I used it earlier myself. Dreamt I could breathe underwater like Jacques Cousteau. No one will know. I'll wake you up. And when you wake up, you will earn more money.
46115 8 19 Get The Girl 6855 Pam I think... you're a witch.
46116 8 19 Get The Girl 6855 Nellie I think you're amazing. You know that, right? Go on, say it: "I'm amazing."
46117 8 19 Get The Girl 6855 Pam I'm amazing.
46118 8 19 Get The Girl 6856 Irene Erin, I think you're making a big mistake right now. Andy is a nice boy.
46119 8 19 Get The Girl 6856 Erin Really? 'cause you've been kind of a B to him all afternoon.
46120 8 19 Get The Girl 6856 Irene I was protecting you because I thought he was no good. But I can tell you really like him. And he's willing to lose his job for you, in this economy with Europe on the brink--
46121 8 19 Get The Girl 6856 Erin Irene, what would you do without me?
46122 8 19 Get The Girl 6856 Irene We're not your concern, sweetheart. Besides, Glenn's going to sue Home Depot.
46123 8 19 Get The Girl 6856 Erin Why?
46124 8 19 Get The Girl 6856 Irene He got his foreskin caught in some lawn furniture.
46125 8 19 Get The Girl 6857 Nellie Jim, time for your review.
46126 8 19 Get The Girl 6857 Jim No, it's not, because you don't really work here.
46127 8 19 Get The Girl 6857 Nellie Why are you so staunchly defending your friend, who has abandoned you? Wouldn't you rather come talk with me? Maybe definitely get a raise?
46128 8 19 Get The Girl 6857 Jim Yeah, that's the thing. I don't know if you can even give raises.
46129 8 19 Get The Girl 6857 Nellie Jim, have you ever heard of a character named Tinkerbell?
46130 8 19 Get The Girl 6857 Jim Yes.
46131 8 19 Get The Girl 6857 Nellie I'm Tinkerbell.
46132 8 19 Get The Girl 6857 Jim No.
46133 8 19 Get The Girl 6857 Nellie Mm-hm. I'm a magical fairy who floated into your office to bring a little bit of magic into your lives, to give you all raises.
46134 8 19 Get The Girl 6857 Stanley And we are grateful.
46135 8 19 Get The Girl 6857 Nellie But here's the thing about Tinkerbell, Jim. Everyone has to believe in her or she doesn't exist.
46136 8 19 Get The Girl 6857 Jim She dies.
46137 8 19 Get The Girl 6857 Nellie She dies! Now who here believes in Tinkerbell?
46138 8 19 Get The Girl 6857 Jim Let's see it. Show of hands.
46139 8 19 Get The Girl 6857 Kevin I do. Come on everyone...
46140 8 19 Get The Girl 6857 Jim All right, guys, stop.
46141 8 19 Get The Girl 6857 Meredith I already spent the money.
46142 8 19 Get The Girl 6857 Jim How?
46143 8 19 Get The Girl 6857 Kevin Come on Jim, you're killing her!
46144 8 19 Get The Girl 6857 All We believe! We believe!
46145 8 19 Get The Girl 6857 Robert Look at this wonderful recognition of Nellie's leadership. I believe.
46146 8 19 Get The Girl 6858 Andy That did not go how I wanted it to. Ugh. I have a whole ton of Erin's favorite food for the drive back, eggplant parm. It's biodegradable. Animals will eat it.
46147 8 19 Get The Girl 6858 Erin Andy wait! Andy! Andy wait! Don't go! Andy I love you! Stop! Oh, this is the wrong Prius. I don't love you. I'm sorry.
46148 8 19 Get The Girl 6858 Andy Erin!
46149 8 19 Get The Girl 6858 Erin Andy.
46150 8 19 Get The Girl 6858 Erin Let's get out of here.
46151 8 19 Get The Girl 6858 Andy Okay.
46152 8 19 Get The Girl 6858 Erin Let's go.
46153 8 19 Get The Girl 6858 Andy Wait, we have to go back and get your stuff.
46154 8 19 Get The Girl 6858 Erin No, I don't have any stuff.
46155 8 19 Get The Girl 6858 Andy Like your toothbrush and stuff.
46156 8 19 Get The Girl 6858 Erin I don't have one.
46157 8 19 Get The Girl 6858 Andy You don't have a toothbrush?
46158 8 19 Get The Girl 6858 Erin No.
46159 8 19 Get The Girl 6858 Andy How do you not have a toothbrush?
46160 8 19 Get The Girl 6858 Erin I just... there's always one around.
46161 8 19 Get The Girl 6858 Andy You just use whichever one is sitting there?
46162 8 19 Get The Girl 6858 Erin I always find one. Have you ever heard of buying a toothbrush?
46163 8 19 Get The Girl 6858 Andy Of course. I own my toothbrush.
46164 8 19 Get The Girl 6859 Nellie I grew up poor. I had little formal education. No real skills. I don't work especially hard, and most of my ideas are either unoriginal or total crap. And yet, I walked right into a job for which I was ill-prepared, ill-suited, and somebody else already had, and I got it. If you ask me, that's the American dream right there. Anything can happen to anyone. It's just random.
46165 8 20 Welcome Party 6860 Pam Hey Jim. Stanley's back from the hospital today. Can you sign his card?
46166 8 20 Welcome Party 6860 Jim Oh, great. "Glad they didn't mix up your tonsillectomy with a moustachectomy." Oh that's not good.
46167 8 20 Welcome Party 6860 Phyllis Oh, because your jokes are all hilarious.
46168 8 20 Welcome Party 6860 Pam It's nice. It's funny. It mentions his tonsillectomy and makes a funny little joke about his moustache.
46169 8 20 Welcome Party 6860 Jim Stanley doesn't have a moustache.
46170 8 20 Welcome Party 6860 Pam Yeah he does.
46171 8 20 Welcome Party 6860 Oscar Pam, hit the brakes. Stanley does not have a moustache. I misspoke. I'm not sure. I think he has one, now that- I think he has a moustache.
46172 8 20 Welcome Party 6860 Pam Okay, Phyllis sits across from him every day. Phyllis, does he have a moustache or not?
46173 8 20 Welcome Party 6860 Phyllis Oh, I don't know. Now I think he doesn't.
46174 8 20 Welcome Party 6860 Pam Phyllis! What are you talking- The whole card depends on this!
46175 8 20 Welcome Party 6860 Jim Okay, the man's worked here for 25 years. How can none of us picture his face?
46176 8 20 Welcome Party 6860 Angela 'Cause we come here to do our jobs. We don't stick our noses in other people's business.
46177 8 20 Welcome Party 6860 Pam Okay, which one of these looks more right?
46178 8 20 Welcome Party 6860 Dwight Neither of those looks like any person that has ever existed or been dreamt of in the history of human insanity. That said, the one on the left.
46179 8 20 Welcome Party 6860 Gabe Guys, that's the elevator. What if it's him?
46180 8 20 Welcome Party 6860 Jim Okay, quick. Who says moustache?
46181 8 20 Welcome Party 6860 Dwight Yep.
46182 8 20 Welcome Party 6860 Jim Who says no moustache?
46183 8 20 Welcome Party 6860 Gabe Ah! Ha ha ha!
46184 8 20 Welcome Party 6860 Phyllis He does have a moustache.
46185 8 20 Welcome Party 6860 Dwight Yes!
46186 8 20 Welcome Party 6860 Pam Welcome back, Stanley.
46187 8 20 Welcome Party 6861 Robert "Good morning, Robert," says no one because our receptionist is in Florida. Pam!
46188 8 20 Welcome Party 6861 Pam Oh!
46189 8 20 Welcome Party 6861 Robert Is this a video conference you're having with "Drake, featuring Swizz Beatz"?
46190 8 20 Welcome Party 6861 Pam Um, no, I was just, um, just having a cup of coffee, kind of warming up for the day.
46191 8 20 Welcome Party 6861 Robert People, you should come to work already warm. Nine to ten a.m. is the most productive potential that a human being-
46192 8 20 Welcome Party 6861 Nellie Sorry, sorry, everyone, I'm late! But you all are here, so no harm done at all by my lateness.
46193 8 20 Welcome Party 6861 Robert Nellie, really, nine fifty?
46194 8 20 Welcome Party 6861 Nellie Oh, here's what happened. Seven forty-six, my alarm clock goes off. I hear it. Whack the snooze.
46195 8 20 Welcome Party 6861 Robert Ah.
46196 8 20 Welcome Party 6861 Nellie Nine minutes. Bzz! Off it goes again. Whack! Seven more times I did that. Bzz, whack. Bzz, whack! By the time I got up, it was ten minutes ago. No willpower. That is my curse!
46197 8 20 Welcome Party 6861 Robert I've never believed willpower was very important in a woman.
46198 8 20 Welcome Party 6861 Nellie Ah ha!
46199 8 20 Welcome Party 6861 Robert I don't think you would have shown up to work nearly an hour late for no reason.
46200 8 20 Welcome Party 6861 Nellie Oh, I assure you, I would have done. I did, and I will keep doing it.
46201 8 20 Welcome Party 6861 Robert No, no, no, no. There's something going on. Some stress in your life.
46202 8 20 Welcome Party 6861 Nellie Well, yes, uh... there is the whole moving to Scranton nonsense. Thirty boxes arrived yesterday from England and two trunks from Florida. Then I have to move in to my apartment in this dreadful, God knows where it is backwater suburb of a suburb, and I mean, no offense but are there a lot of Irish people living around here?
46203 8 20 Welcome Party 6861 Kevin, Meredith Yes.
46204 8 20 Welcome Party 6861 Nellie Ugh! I hate that! No offense.
46205 8 20 Welcome Party 6861 Kevin None taken.
46206 8 20 Welcome Party 6861 Oscar Actually, Nellie, this monologue you're delivering is very offensive.
46207 8 20 Welcome Party 6861 Nellie oh! Ay, carumba! The natives are getting restless!
46208 8 20 Welcome Party 6861 Stanley Who's a native?
46209 8 20 Welcome Party 6861 Nellie Uh, excuse me, the tone here is getting quite hostile. I would appreciate it if you would keep that stuff on the basketball court.
46210 8 20 Welcome Party 6861 Oscar What does that mean?
46211 8 20 Welcome Party 6861 Dwight Okay, okay.
46212 8 20 Welcome Party 6861 Nellie If you'd let me finish- Or the squash court, or the Supreme Court. Hmm?
46213 8 20 Welcome Party 6861 Robert Nellie?
46214 8 20 Welcome Party 6861 Nellie Yes, Robert!
46215 8 20 Welcome Party 6861 Robert You're clearly under a lot of... stress with the moving and the work situation you've found yourself in.
46216 8 20 Welcome Party 6861 Nellie Yeah.
46217 8 20 Welcome Party 6861 Robert Let's help her out, shall we? Go above and beyond today to show her some of that warm Scranton hospitality. Jim. Dwight. Take the day. Help Nellie move those boxes into her new place.
46218 8 20 Welcome Party 6861 Dwight Why Jim?
46219 8 20 Welcome Party 6861 Robert The rest of you, let's throw a party at the end of the day to welcome the newest member of our little community.
46220 8 20 Welcome Party 6862 Pam I'm sorry, we're throwing a party for someone because they're being horrible?
46221 8 20 Welcome Party 6863 Jim I'm sorry, we're taking work time to move someone's personal belongings into their new apartment.
46222 8 20 Welcome Party 6864 Pam I'm still not sure why this woman is even here.
46223 8 20 Welcome Party 6865 Jim Why is she here?
46224 8 20 Welcome Party 6866 Andy Two crazy kids on the journey of life.
46225 8 20 Welcome Party 6866 Erin Going to Pennsylvania.
46226 8 20 Welcome Party 6867 Andy On the road with my new girlfriend. But first, a small pit stop to break up with my current girlfriend who is at her parents' cabin in southern Pennsylvania.
46227 8 20 Welcome Party 6867 Erin Oh. That must be nice.
46228 8 20 Welcome Party 6867 Andy Mm-hmm. It's a beautiful place. Great place to let her down easy.
46229 8 20 Welcome Party 6867 Erin Oh, no, no, I meant that it must be nice to have parents.
46230 8 20 Welcome Party 6867 Andy Oh. Hmm.
46231 8 20 Welcome Party 6868 Andy Time to have a little kiss!
46232 8 20 Welcome Party 6868 Erin No.
46233 8 20 Welcome Party 6868 Andy Mm. Sorry. Right. No kisses till the breakup is official.
46234 8 20 Welcome Party 6868 Erin Yes.
46235 8 20 Welcome Party 6868 Andy I believe in that.
46236 8 20 Welcome Party 6868 Erin Yes. So do I.
46237 8 20 Welcome Party 6868 Andy I think that's important. That is important. Bummer, but important.
46238 8 20 Welcome Party 6868 Erin Important.
46239 8 20 Welcome Party 6868 Andy Mm-hmm.
46240 8 20 Welcome Party 6869 Phyllis I can't believe he's making us throw a party for her.
46241 8 20 Welcome Party 6869 Pam I know, right?
46242 8 20 Welcome Party 6869 Oscar She's always late, she's always rude...
46243 8 20 Welcome Party 6869 Phyllis It kinda makes me want to throw a really bad party.
46244 8 20 Welcome Party 6869 Oscar Yeah.
46245 8 20 Welcome Party 6869 Phyllis On purpose.
46246 8 20 Welcome Party 6869 Pam Phyllis!
46247 8 20 Welcome Party 6869 Angela We should do it right here in the break room.
46248 8 20 Welcome Party 6869 Phyllis Order carrot cake.
46249 8 20 Welcome Party 6870 Andy ...and Jessica, just so you know, this is way more about my love for Erin than anything wrong with you.
46250 8 20 Welcome Party 6870 Erin Well, Andy, I'm upset, but you did this in the best way possible, and I knew you as a lover and I'll remember you as a gentleman. Okay, that was one minute and ten seconds.
46251 8 20 Welcome Party 6870 Andy Consider it nailed.
46252 8 20 Welcome Party 6870 Erin I think we should try again. This time, worst case scenario.
46253 8 20 Welcome Party 6870 Andy Okay, here we go. Jessica, I'm really sorry. I just need you to know-
46254 8 20 Welcome Party 6870 Erin What?
46255 8 20 Welcome Party 6870 Andy I just need you to know-
46256 8 20 Welcome Party 6870 Erin What is it? I didn't sleep well last night.
46257 8 20 Welcome Party 6871 Dwight Ugh! Ow.
46258 8 20 Welcome Party 6871 Jim Nellie, that reminds me. Do you want this chair in the bedroom? 'Cause to be honest, I don't think it's gonna fit through the door.
46259 8 20 Welcome Party 6871 Dwight Don't listen to Jim. Have you ever seen him play Tetris? "Oh, I think I'll just use this line horizontally. Oh, I had no idea what a gift this line is."
46260 8 20 Welcome Party 6871 Jim That was one time-
46261 8 20 Welcome Party 6871 Dwight I will get the chair in. Watch the Great Schrutini work his magic.
46262 8 20 Welcome Party 6871 Nellie Oh, no. Really? Magic? No, no, no. Let's not go there. No, nothing is more repellant than magicians. Bunch of grown men waving wands, pulling bunnies out of body crevices. Magicians are repulsive. Next topic.
46263 8 20 Welcome Party 6871 Jim Excuse me, one second. Hi.
46264 8 20 Welcome Party 6871 Pam Hey, what's up?
46265 8 20 Welcome Party 6871 Jim Ah, nothing, just hauling some cube with Dwight.
46266 8 20 Welcome Party 6871 Dwight Haulin' cube!
46267 8 20 Welcome Party 6871 Jim That's moving boxes. We just came up with the term to make it sound cooler.
46268 8 20 Welcome Party 6871 Pam So we're planning this party for Nellie, and we're gonna make it really bad.
46269 8 20 Welcome Party 6871 Jim Sounds like every other party.
46270 8 20 Welcome Party 6871 Pam No. We're gonna make it like a prank. Like order bad food, give her this passive-aggressive card.
46271 8 20 Welcome Party 6871 Jim Oh! Hire a magician.
46272 8 20 Welcome Party 6871 Pam What?
46273 8 20 Welcome Party 6871 Jim Trust me.
46274 8 20 Welcome Party 6871 Pam Okay.
46275 8 20 Welcome Party 6872 Andy Wow. There's a lot of cars here. This is just weird.
46276 8 20 Welcome Party 6872 Lauren Andy! Hey, what are you doing here?
46277 8 20 Welcome Party 6872 Andy Hey, Lauren. Look at you.
46278 8 20 Welcome Party 6872 Lauren Well, I know. Look at me.
46279 8 20 Welcome Party 6872 Andy I was just on my way back from this business trip, thought I'd stop and say hi to Jessica.
46280 8 20 Welcome Party 6872 Lauren Aww!
46281 8 20 Welcome Party 6872 Andy Why is Erin with me? That's a great question. She is my coworker, and she needed a ride because she totaled her car.
46282 8 20 Welcome Party 6872 Lauren Oh. God.
46283 8 20 Welcome Party 6872 Erin So, I'm Erin. Hi.
46284 8 20 Welcome Party 6872 Andy Yep. This is Erin.
46285 8 20 Welcome Party 6872 Lauren Nice to meet you. Well, Jess went out for a run but she'll be back soon. Hey ladies, Andy's here!
46286 8 20 Welcome Party 6872 Erin Okay Andy, that is a bachelorette party, this is Jessica's friends and they've been drinking during the daytime. Should we go?
46287 8 20 Welcome Party 6872 Andy Yeah. Uh, you know, we had such a quick window to make this work, I think we should probably just-
46288 8 20 Welcome Party 6872 Lauren Oh, Jess! Look who stopped by after his business trip!
46289 8 20 Welcome Party 6872 Jessica Andy! Hey!
46290 8 20 Welcome Party 6873 Dwight I wonder if king-sized sheets are called presidential-sized in England. I really should have a Tweeter account.
46291 8 20 Welcome Party 6873 Jim Yes, you should.
46292 8 20 Welcome Party 6873 Dwight Ooh.
46293 8 20 Welcome Party 6873 Jim "Nellie, don't open, stupid. Love, Nellie."
46294 8 20 Welcome Party 6873 Dwight I have to see these shoes.
46295 8 20 Welcome Party 6873 Jim I doubt that they're sh-
46296 8 20 Welcome Party 6873 Dwight Oh!
46297 8 20 Welcome Party 6873 Jim Whoa. Who is this guy?
46298 8 20 Welcome Party 6873 Dwight Here's the two of them taking a hike. I'm guessing he's some kind of friend.
46299 8 20 Welcome Party 6873 Jim Boyfriend.
46300 8 20 Welcome Party 6873 Dwight Here's the two of them kissing at a beach and kissing at the Eiffel Tower. I'm guessing he's some kind of close romantic friend.
46301 8 20 Welcome Party 6873 Jim Like a boyfriend?
46302 8 20 Welcome Party 6873 Dwight You read my mind.
46303 8 20 Welcome Party 6873 Jim Yeah. Whoa. Here's one with his face whited out.
46304 8 20 Welcome Party 6873 Dwight Hmm. Maybe someone threw a pie in his face. New theory- he's a hated Italian politician.
46305 8 20 Welcome Party 6873 Jim Better theory. This is her ex-boyfriend and they went through some kind of painful breakup.
46306 8 20 Welcome Party 6873 Nellie Oh.
46307 8 20 Welcome Party 6873 Jim Oh, Nellie. I'm so sorry. We were just...
46308 8 20 Welcome Party 6873 Nellie I see you've discovered Benjamin. That's what I call my box full of photos of Henry.
46309 8 20 Welcome Party 6873 Dwight Why not call...
46310 8 20 Welcome Party 6873 Jim Shh!
46311 8 20 Welcome Party 6874 Nellie God. We owned this flat together. Then one morning, just like that, he was gone. He ran off with the waitress at our favorite restaurant.
46312 8 20 Welcome Party 6874 Dwight That's awful. What kind of restaurant.
46313 8 20 Welcome Party 6874 Jim Dwight!
46314 8 20 Welcome Party 6874 Nellie I couldn't afford the flat myself. So I sold it at a loss. Ah, but what's ten years of bliss down the drain compared with the thrill of starting over with nothing and no one?
46315 8 20 Welcome Party 6874 Jim I'm so sorry. These must be very painful memories.
46316 8 20 Welcome Party 6874 Dwight If it would help you to forget, I could hit you in the brain stem with this candlestick.
46317 8 20 Welcome Party 6874 Nellie Thank you. No. Look, Jim, Dwight, please, don't tell anyone about this.
46318 8 20 Welcome Party 6874 Jim No, no. Of course. Just one quick question. Was this um, Halloween, or...
46319 8 20 Welcome Party 6874 Nellie God, no. That's the most embarrassing thing of all this. What kind of fool gets her heart broken by bloody stage magician?
46320 8 20 Welcome Party 6875 Jim You know what, Pam? I was thinking maybe we should change course here. Let's give up on all this mean stuff.
46321 8 20 Welcome Party 6875 Pam What? No! No, I just had this brilliant idea- everyone loved it. You don't have a copyright on pranks. I might be better at this than you.
46322 8 20 Welcome Party 6875 Jim No, that's not what I-
46323 8 20 Welcome Party 6875 Nellie Jim, could you give us a hand?
46324 8 20 Welcome Party 6875 Jim Absolutely. Yeah. Call it off, Pam. Call it off, okay? It's way more complicated than you think. Cancel the magician. Trust me.
46325 8 20 Welcome Party 6875 Pam Oh, okay. Okay, I will.
46326 8 20 Welcome Party 6875 Angela Pam, we have a great idea.
46327 8 20 Welcome Party 6875 Oscar Listen to this.
46328 8 20 Welcome Party 6875 Angela We're going to have the fluorescent lights flickering. It's gonna make everyone sick.
46329 8 20 Welcome Party 6875 Pam Or what if...
46330 8 20 Welcome Party 6875 Angela Okay.
46331 8 20 Welcome Party 6875 Pam We discuss... the idea of doing the party totally normal. Like, not mean. Just a regular party. Not mean.
46332 8 20 Welcome Party 6875 Angela I knew she'd crack! I wanted to leave you out, you know.
46333 8 20 Welcome Party 6875 Oscar We're in far too deep. We can't change course at this point.
46334 8 20 Welcome Party 6875 Pam What are you talking about? Yes we can.
46335 8 20 Welcome Party 6875 Oscar What I mean to say is we don't want to.
46336 8 20 Welcome Party 6875 Phyllis Toots, we're not stopping this train, so get off the tracks.
46337 8 20 Welcome Party 6876 Lauren Suck it!
46338 8 20 Welcome Party 6876 Erin Andy-
46339 8 20 Welcome Party 6876 Andy It'll be fine. Just act natural. Do you want a gummy pen1s?
46340 8 20 Welcome Party 6876 Erin No, uh, I'll just have some gummy bears.
46341 8 20 Welcome Party 6876 Andy These are delicious.
46342 8 20 Welcome Party 6876 Erin But... they're penises.
46343 8 20 Welcome Party 6876 Lauren And we come to Matthew. The guy who was with his old girlfriend basically the whole time we were together.
46344 8 20 Welcome Party 6876 Andy Ew! Aww! That seems gross at first blush, right? But relationships are always more complicated than you think. I mean, we don't know Matthew's history with this other woman. Maybe she saved his life. I don't know. I just- I don't think we should rush to judgment about Matthew. Maybe we don't pop that one.
46345 8 20 Welcome Party 6876 Party guests No, pop it. Pop it!
46346 8 20 Welcome Party 6876 Jessica Hey.
46347 8 20 Welcome Party 6876 Andy Hey.
46348 8 20 Welcome Party 6876 Jessica Sorry. It's kind of a madhouse.
46349 8 20 Welcome Party 6876 Megan Ahh!
46350 8 20 Welcome Party 6876 Andy Oh! Ah, Megan.
46351 8 20 Welcome Party 6876 Megan You are one of the good ones, nard dog.
46352 8 20 Welcome Party 6876 Andy Aww.
46353 8 20 Welcome Party 6876 Megan No, really. Where's my Andy?
46354 8 20 Welcome Party 6876 Jessica I dunno.
46355 8 20 Welcome Party 6876 Andy Oh, he's out there.
46356 8 20 Welcome Party 6876 Megan Aww. Are you going to sing for us?
46357 8 20 Welcome Party 6876 Andy Well, you guys are doing a pretty good job with the scary yelling, so...
46358 8 20 Welcome Party 6876 Megan That's not like you. That's not like you. Come on, sing! Sing!
46359 8 20 Welcome Party 6876 Andy By yon bonnie banks and by yon bonnie braes...
46360 8 20 Welcome Party 6877 Pam Okay, they're almost here- What? Come on. If you guys are gonna be mean, could you at least be subtle?
46361 8 20 Welcome Party 6877 Darryl Oh, in the warehouse we use code names for people we want to talk about. Andy was Jelly Roll. Mike was Dennis the Menace. Ryan was douche bag.
46362 8 20 Welcome Party 6877 Ryan Hey, that's not a code name. That's just an insult.
46363 8 20 Welcome Party 6877 Oscar Plus everyone would know who you meant.
46364 8 20 Welcome Party 6877 Ryan Yeah!
46365 8 20 Welcome Party 6877 Pam No, that's a great idea. Let's have a code name. How about Mondays? I hate Mondays? Mondays are the worst?
46366 8 20 Welcome Party 6877 Angela Nobody's named Monday.
46367 8 20 Welcome Party 6877 Ryan Hey, how about we go with Pam? Simple, easy to remember.
46368 8 20 Welcome Party 6877 Pam 'Cause there's someone already here named Pam.
46369 8 20 Welcome Party 6877 Kevin Shh, here she comes!
46370 8 20 Welcome Party 6877 All Hey!
46371 8 20 Welcome Party 6877 Phyllis Welcome to your party.
46372 8 20 Welcome Party 6877 Creed Everybody get comfy now. This first song's over a half hour long.
46373 8 20 Welcome Party 6878 Creed Best gig ever. They asked me to play only originals. I said, "Have you heard my originals? They're terrible." They said, "Even better." I said, "I get it. It's an ironic party for Nellie."
46374 8 20 Welcome Party 6879 Erin Maybe we should just go.
46375 8 20 Welcome Party 6879 Andy No. I gotta do this. Hey Jessica, could I talk to you?
46376 8 20 Welcome Party 6879 Jessica Uh, yeah, sure. What's up?
46377 8 20 Welcome Party 6879 Andy Uh, maybe we could talk in private?
46378 8 20 Welcome Party 6879 Jessica Uh, yeah. What is it?
46379 8 20 Welcome Party 6879 Andy Well, first just let me say that I hope when I'm done with the sort of ugly bits that we can stay friends.
46380 8 20 Welcome Party 6879 Jessica You're breaking up with me?
46381 8 20 Welcome Party 6879 Andy Uh, no. No. You always do this. You twist my words around. Part of me thinks we should just end this right now.
46382 8 20 Welcome Party 6879 Jessica Oh my God. Are you leaving me for Erin? You said she wasn't relationship material and she wasn't as good as me, but it's her, isn't it?
46383 8 20 Welcome Party 6879 Andy Whoa! That? No. Okay. You want honesty? Super-honesty time. I'm gay.
46384 8 20 Welcome Party 6879 Jessica What?
46385 8 20 Welcome Party 6879 Andy I am gay, and I prefer men.
46386 8 20 Welcome Party 6879 Kenny I knew it!
46387 8 20 Welcome Party 6879 Andy You did not, Kenny!
46388 8 20 Welcome Party 6879 Kenny You invited me to go shopping with you.
46389 8 20 Welcome Party 6879 Andy I like hanging out with you. You're a cool guy. Which proves my point. That I'm gay.
46390 8 20 Welcome Party 6879 Jessica Andy, you're not gay. I mean, we were... together. And you seemed pretty excitable.
46391 8 20 Welcome Party 6879 Andy Well, I was faking it. I had to fake it every time. I had to imagine that I was in a steam room with John Stamos.
46392 8 20 Welcome Party 6879 Jessica I can't say it doesn't make sense...
46393 8 20 Welcome Party 6879 Andy Well... I mean, I was good at hiding it, but-
46394 8 20 Welcome Party 6879 Jessica Look, it's fine, Andy. I didn't think we were gonna get married or anything. I just... I'm just upset for now.
46395 8 20 Welcome Party 6879 Andy Understandable. And I'm really sorry. I really am. So... we should probably... go.
46396 8 20 Welcome Party 6880 Robert This humble but sincere effort is all for our valued new colleague. Excellent.
46397 8 20 Welcome Party 6880 Oscar To Nellie Bertram, you are a most welcome and friendly presence at our company.
46398 8 20 Welcome Party 6880 Robert Cheers.
46399 8 20 Welcome Party 6880 Nellie Why thank you.
46400 8 20 Welcome Party 6880 Oscar Pam, on the other hand, is a most unwelcome, entitled, unfriendly presence in our company.
46401 8 20 Welcome Party 6880 All Cheers.
46402 8 20 Welcome Party 6880 Angela Nellie is terrific, but to be honest, every day I imagine how happy I'd be if Pam died.
46403 8 20 Welcome Party 6880 Jim Oh. Well. I feel that as someone who knows Pam only a little bit... enough. A good amount. Not the most, though. I would say that she is misunderstood and that maybe there's some stuff in her past that you guys don't know about that's a little messed up and probably makes her such a torture to work with.
46404 8 20 Welcome Party 6880 Creed We hate Pam. We hate Pam.
46405 8 20 Welcome Party 6880 All We hate Pam! We hate Pam!
46406 8 20 Welcome Party 6880 Magician So we've established-
46407 8 20 Welcome Party 6880 Jim No. No.
46408 8 20 Welcome Party 6880 Magician #NAME?
46409 8 20 Welcome Party 6880 Pam Oh!
46410 8 20 Welcome Party 6881 Erin That was a really rough scene.
46411 8 20 Welcome Party 6881 Andy Right? Rough scene.
46412 8 20 Welcome Party 6881 Erin Yeah.
46413 8 20 Welcome Party 6881 Andy Oh... at least we can kiss now.
46414 8 20 Welcome Party 6881 Erin Oh, yeah.
46415 8 20 Welcome Party 6881 Andy You know, that stuff that I said about you to her... I did- That's just- I had to say it. You know, I was dating her at the time.
46416 8 20 Welcome Party 6881 Erin Yeah. Yes, of course. Ah... I feel really tired.
46417 8 20 Welcome Party 6881 Andy Yeah.
46418 8 20 Welcome Party 6881 Erin Probably from seeing that turkey.
46419 8 20 Welcome Party 6881 Andy Oh yeah.
46420 8 20 Welcome Party 6881 Erin When we drove by the farm. Oh. Always does it.
46421 8 20 Welcome Party 6882 Magician Are you Nellie? Oh, I think you're my volunteer. Come on over here, huh?
46422 8 20 Welcome Party 6882 Jim Oh, I'll do it. I will volunteer.
46423 8 20 Welcome Party 6882 Robert no, Nellie, she-
46424 8 20 Welcome Party 6882 Jim I'll do it.
46425 8 20 Welcome Party 6882 Magician Oh! Big guy, huh? How's the air up there? Watch out for... birds. All right, let's uh- let's do some card magic. Now, what I want you to do is... I want you to pick a card just by looking at it. Do not say what it is.
46426 8 20 Welcome Party 6882 Jim It's the four of hearts.
46427 8 20 Welcome Party 6882 Robert Oh, no, you-
46428 8 20 Welcome Party 6882 Magician Looks like we got a guy from another country here, huh? No hablo el cardo, senor? Hmm? Ha. All right, the card is picked. Now sir, will you please shuffled the deck? You didn't just do that on purpose, did ya?
46429 8 20 Welcome Party 6882 Robert Why is Jim treating the magician poorly?
46430 8 20 Welcome Party 6882 Magician Little known fact about me. Before I was a magician, I used to work at a rope factory.
46431 8 20 Welcome Party 6882 Jim Not true. 'Cause that's not a real place.
46432 8 20 Welcome Party 6882 Magician But I never could seem to figure out those knots.
46433 8 20 Welcome Party 6882 Pam That's not a real knot. When you pull on it, it disappears.
46434 8 20 Welcome Party 6882 Magician What the hell? All right, where's Phyllis? Who's Phyllis? Look. This is really uncool, okay? I put on a clean show here-
46435 8 20 Welcome Party 6882 Dwight Okay scram, wizard.
46436 8 20 Welcome Party 6882 Magician What?
46437 8 20 Welcome Party 6882 Dwight You heard me!
46438 8 20 Welcome Party 6882 Magician Huh!
46439 8 20 Welcome Party 6882 Robert Well Nellie, I'm sorry. If I'd known Jim and Pam would use this party as an excuse to abuse a magician-
46440 8 20 Welcome Party 6882 Nellie Well, I thought it was quite fun. In fact, I think they're brilliant employees, in their own way. Don't you see what I see?
46441 8 20 Welcome Party 6882 Robert Interesting. Yes. No, yes, I see that. Great work, team. Great party.
46442 8 20 Welcome Party 6882 Kevin You think this is a great party? This cake has vegetables in it. Like a salad bar, Robert. How do I get this taste out of my mouth?
46443 8 20 Welcome Party 6883 Erin What? Why are we-
46444 8 20 Welcome Party 6883 Andy I just gotta do one thing.
46445 8 20 Welcome Party 6883 Megan Oh. Hello. Hey everybody, look who's here.
46446 8 20 Welcome Party 6883 Jessica What are you doing here?
46447 8 20 Welcome Party 6883 Andy Hi. Super-duper honesty time. I'm not gay. In fact, I'm so not gay, I'm in love with a girl. Her name is Erin Hannon and she's right there. She's sweet, funny and beautiful and total relationship material.
46448 8 20 Welcome Party 6883 Megan Why the hell did you come back here?
46449 8 20 Welcome Party 6883 Jessica Go away.
46450 8 20 Welcome Party 6883 Kenny Get lost!
46451 8 20 Welcome Party 6883 Woman Get out!
46452 8 20 Welcome Party 6883 Andy Okay.
46453 8 20 Welcome Party 6883 Lauren You're done!
46454 8 20 Welcome Party 6883 Andy Bye guys.
46455 8 20 Welcome Party 6883 Lauren Get out! You ruined my party! Who does that? Are you kidding me? Yeah, run away!
46456 8 20 Welcome Party 6883 Kenny You're disgusting!
46457 8 20 Welcome Party 6883 Lauren I can't believe you're not gay!
46458 8 20 Welcome Party 6883 Kenny Yeah get out of here.
46459 8 20 Welcome Party 6883 Various Don't come back.
46460 8 20 Welcome Party 6883 Erin Uh-oh!
46461 8 20 Welcome Party 6883 Various You don't even know how to drive! Bye Andy! Loser! Nice car!
46462 8 20 Welcome Party 6884 Pam Hey Hank.
46463 8 20 Welcome Party 6884 Hank Yes ma'am.
46464 8 20 Welcome Party 6884 Pam I thought I was very specific about you not letting up a magician.
46465 8 20 Welcome Party 6884 Hank Yes ma'am. I got my eyes open.
46466 8 20 Welcome Party 6884 Jim Well, turns out he actually made it up there.
46467 8 20 Welcome Party 6884 Hank What? That ain't right.
46468 8 20 Welcome Party 6884 Pam Yeah, he came and went.
46469 8 20 Welcome Party 6884 Hank Wait a minute! You said it was a magician, right? You don't think he could've used... it couldn't have been...
46470 8 20 Welcome Party 6884 Pam Let's just- let's go.
46471 8 20 Welcome Party 6884 Jim Night-night.
46472 8 21 Angry Andy 6885 Phyllis Whoo! Wow, it is raining cats and dogs out there. Holy moley.
46473 8 21 Angry Andy 6886 Jim Phyllis says the same twelve clichés every time it rains. So, I promised everyone that if she says them all by noon today, I will send out for hot chocolates.
46474 8 21 Angry Andy 6887 Darryl So how was the drive in?
46475 8 21 Angry Andy 6887 Phyllis Oh, nobody knows how to drive in the rain.
46476 8 21 Angry Andy 6887 Darryl You don't say?
46477 8 21 Angry Andy 6887 Phyllis Yeah. You know the roads are actually the slickest in the first half hour?
46478 8 21 Angry Andy 6888 Phyllis Oh, the plants are gonna love this.
46479 8 21 Angry Andy 6888 Oscar Yeah.
46480 8 21 Angry Andy 6889 Phyllis I actually sleep better when it's raining.
46481 8 21 Angry Andy 6889 Meredith Tell me about it.
46482 8 21 Angry Andy 6890 Oscar Time's almost up. How many are left?
46483 8 21 Angry Andy 6890 Pam Just one. "This weather makes me want to stay at home, curled up with a good book."
46484 8 21 Angry Andy 6890 Darryl Phyllis. This rain... does it make you wanna be doing something?
46485 8 21 Angry Andy 6890 Phyllis What do you mean?
46486 8 21 Angry Andy 6890 Pam You know, like aren't some things just so nice and cozy in the rain?
46487 8 21 Angry Andy 6890 Jim Hey, come on.
46488 8 21 Angry Andy 6890 Phyllis Lots of things are cozy in the rain.
46489 8 21 Angry Andy 6890 Jim And that's noon. Exactly.
46490 8 21 Angry Andy 6891 Phyllis I mean, normally the rain would make me want to stay home, curled up with a good book. But everybody's being so nice to me today. I'm really happy being here.
46491 8 21 Angry Andy 6892 Andy My girlfriend's back and there's gonna be trouble-
46492 8 21 Angry Andy 6892 Andy, Erin Hey la, hey la...
46493 8 21 Angry Andy 6892 Andy ...my girlfriend's back!
46494 8 21 Angry Andy 6892 Erin ...his girlfriend's back!
46495 8 21 Angry Andy 6892 Andy Anyway, I know it's the end of the day. We just wanted to stop by and say hi.
46496 8 21 Angry Andy 6892 Kevin Welcome home.
46497 8 21 Angry Andy 6892 Erin Thank you.
46498 8 21 Angry Andy 6892 Andy Hey, Kev.
46499 8 21 Angry Andy 6892 Kevin Yeah.
46500 8 21 Angry Andy 6892 Andy Nice sweater.
46501 8 21 Angry Andy 6892 Kevin Thank you. Nellie was nice enough to give it to me. She's sweet. I just wish there was pockets.
46502 8 21 Angry Andy 6892 Andy What happened to old salty?
46503 8 21 Angry Andy 6892 Dwight Nellie let me bobble-ize him. His name is now Captain Mutato.
46504 8 21 Angry Andy 6893 Dwight I've written quite a bit of X-Men fan fiction. Captain Mutato is half man, half mermaid. So he can fight crime as a man and make love as a mermaid. Most of my writing involves the latter.
46505 8 21 Angry Andy 6894 Andy Okey dokey.
46506 8 21 Angry Andy 6894 Nellie Yes?
46507 8 21 Angry Andy 6894 Andy Whoa. Well, you must be the famous Nellie Bertram I've been hearing all about. I am the famous Andy Bernard you've been hearing all about.
46508 8 21 Angry Andy 6894 Nellie Oh yes.
46509 8 21 Angry Andy 6894 Andy I just want to thank you for jumping in and minding the store during my temporary absence.
46510 8 21 Angry Andy 6894 Nellie You are most welcome.
46511 8 21 Angry Andy 6894 Andy Anyway, now that I'm back, I would love to have my office back, whenever you get a chance.
46512 8 21 Angry Andy 6894 Nellie No.
46513 8 21 Angry Andy 6894 Andy Obviously, we'll figure out the, uh, logistics of moving all this stuff out of here. But, you know, the sooner the better.
46514 8 21 Angry Andy 6894 Nellie Mm-hmm.
46515 8 21 Angry Andy 6894 Andy Get back to normalcy.
46516 8 21 Angry Andy 6894 Nellie Hmm, no.
46517 8 21 Angry Andy 6895 Ravi ...and then just lay him in his crib, and then bicycle his legs. And then after Jim quiets down, you do the same thing with your baby. But if he keeps having problems, just give me a call.
46518 8 21 Angry Andy 6895 Pam Oh my gosh, thank you so much. But seriously, we don't want to bother you any more than we already have.
46519 8 21 Angry Andy 6895 Jim That's it.
46520 8 21 Angry Andy 6895 Kelly It's no bother, you guys are our friends.
46521 8 21 Angry Andy 6896 Pam Ravi, our amazing pediatrician, was asking us if we knew any girls and I said I know the perfect girl.
46522 8 21 Angry Andy 6896 Jim Yep. Because Kelly is Indian and... oh, that's it.
46523 8 21 Angry Andy 6896 Pam Race had nothing to do with it. I just knew they'd be good together.
46524 8 21 Angry Andy 6897 Pam Kelly has been a handful in the past.
46525 8 21 Angry Andy 6897 Kelly Why?
46526 8 21 Angry Andy 6897 Pam But she's had a bad influence. She's like an addict. And I just had to get her clean.
46527 8 21 Angry Andy 6897 Kevin Get lower.
46528 8 21 Angry Andy 6898 Ryan Um, also, little tip, never shake the baby.
46529 8 21 Angry Andy 6898 Jim Sorry, just to be clear, you're saying do NOT shake the baby.
46530 8 21 Angry Andy 6898 Ryan Don't shake the baby. Um, a lot of times, parents get frustrated 'cause the baby's crying and they shake the baby. And you got to, um, you can't do that.
46531 8 21 Angry Andy 6898 Pam Don't shake our baby?
46532 8 21 Angry Andy 6898 Ryan Yeah.
46533 8 21 Angry Andy 6898 Pam Okay. I'd never heard that before. So, thank you.
46534 8 21 Angry Andy 6898 Ryan Oh, my God.
46535 8 21 Angry Andy 6898 Pam Yeah, I'm glad you said something.
46536 8 21 Angry Andy 6898 Ryan Me too.
46537 8 21 Angry Andy 6899 Ryan Kelly and I broke up and she can do whatever she wants. And her new boyfriend seems awesome, if you're into Indian people. I'm not.
46538 8 21 Angry Andy 6900 Ryan Hey, um, what's the deal with this guy? He's really into Kelly, huh?
46539 8 21 Angry Andy 6900 Pam Yeah, they're really great together.
46540 8 21 Angry Andy 6900 Ryan Maybe we weren't right together, but... it's weird. I'd rather she be alone than with somebody. Is that love?
46541 8 21 Angry Andy 6900 Jim That's about it, yeah.
46542 8 21 Angry Andy 6901 Robert Nellie! You've been terrific in your interim capacity. But, Andrew is the rightful manager so if you would just give him his office-
46543 8 21 Angry Andy 6901 Nellie No.
46544 8 21 Angry Andy 6901 Robert I'm sorry?
46545 8 21 Angry Andy 6901 Andy This is what I was trying to tell you.
46546 8 21 Angry Andy 6901 Robert I'm not accustomed to people saying no to me.
46547 8 21 Angry Andy 6901 Nellie Well, Bobby, get accustomed to it because then it feels so good when they finally say yes.
46548 8 21 Angry Andy 6901 Robert You're both adults. I'm sure you can figure this out between yourselves.
46549 8 21 Angry Andy 6902 Robert I never allow sexual desire to influence a business decision. So I find it best to excuse myself temporarily until I've had a chance to make love and then go back and analyze the situation rationally. Buffett operates the same way.
46550 8 21 Angry Andy 6903 Nellie I'm gonna count down from five and if you are not out of my office, I'm going to dock your pay one hundred dollars.
46551 8 21 Angry Andy 6903 Andy Okay.
46552 8 21 Angry Andy 6903 Nellie Five... four...
46553 8 21 Angry Andy 6903 Andy You can't dock my pay-
46554 8 21 Angry Andy 6903 Nellie Angela! Dock Andy's pay one hundred dollars.
46555 8 21 Angry Andy 6903 Angela On it!
46556 8 21 Angry Andy 6903 Andy Great. Five, four, three, two, one. Angela, please dock Nellie's pay a hundred dollars. Angela?
46557 8 21 Angry Andy 6903 Nellie Do you want to go again?
46558 8 21 Angry Andy 6903 Andy Angela?
46559 8 21 Angry Andy 6903 Nellie Let's go again. Five... four...
46560 8 21 Angry Andy 6903 Andy Ooh, she's counting again.
46561 8 21 Angry Andy 6903 Nellie Three... two... one...
46562 8 21 Angry Andy 6903 Andy Oh, oh!
46563 8 21 Angry Andy 6903 Nellie Angela, two hundred dollars!
46564 8 21 Angry Andy 6903 Angela You got it.
46565 8 21 Angry Andy 6903 Andy Seriously, Angela?
46566 8 21 Angry Andy 6904 Andy I got a little bit of an anger problem. Got me in some trouble a couple years ago.
46567 8 21 Angry Andy 6904 Erin When I see him start to get mad, I just put my hand on his arm like this.
46568 8 21 Angry Andy 6905 Nellie I know what, let's go... ten thousand dollars! Five... four...
46569 8 21 Angry Andy 6905 Andy You're just saying numbers. It's meaningless.
46570 8 21 Angry Andy 6905 Nellie Three...
46571 8 21 Angry Andy 6905 Andy It's literally like-
46572 8 21 Angry Andy 6905 Nellie Two... one.
46573 8 21 Angry Andy 6906 Erin There you go. Hey. we're gonna have a nice, hot date.
46574 8 21 Angry Andy 6907 Erin Hey. So last night was so not a big deal.
46575 8 21 Angry Andy 6907 Andy Oh, yeah, I was just tired.
46576 8 21 Angry Andy 6907 Erin We both were. Plus, I was definitely not my normal sexy self.
46577 8 21 Angry Andy 6907 Andy Whoa. No. Are you kidding? You were so sexy. Just the thought of you last night, like, crazy turns me on. It just didn't last night.
46578 8 21 Angry Andy 6907 Erin Really. It's not a big deal.
46579 8 21 Angry Andy 6907 Andy Yeah. I know it's not... a big deal.
46580 8 21 Angry Andy 6908 Ryan I found this the other day while I was journaling and they reminded me of you.
46581 8 21 Angry Andy 6908 Kelly Oh, those are from our weekend at the time share.
46582 8 21 Angry Andy 6908 Ryan Yeah, the fractional ownership property. Oh, we took this one right before we got in that huge fight.
46583 8 21 Angry Andy 6908 Kelly God I don't even remember what that fight was about.
46584 8 21 Angry Andy 6908 Ryan You were being really bratty about where we would go out to dinner. But all I remember is how pretty you looked, taking those pictures of me. Anyway, if you want to order prints of your own, I can send you the link.
46585 8 21 Angry Andy 6909 Ryan I'm in love with Kelly Kapoor. And I don't know how I'm gonna feel tomorrow or the next day or the day after that, but I do know that right here, right now, all I can think about is spending the rest of my life with her. Again, that could change.
46586 8 21 Angry Andy 6910 Erin When you lost the manager job-
46587 8 21 Angry Andy 6910 Dwight Yes?
46588 8 21 Angry Andy 6910 Erin Did it affect you outside of the office?
46589 8 21 Angry Andy 6910 Dwight How?
46590 8 21 Angry Andy 6910 Erin I don't know what the technical term is... Penial softiosis?
46591 8 21 Angry Andy 6910 Dwight Erin, I am so glad that you trusted me. You came to the exact right person for this. No, I have never once experienced anything remotely like that. Never.
46592 8 21 Angry Andy 6910 Erin Oh, okay.
46593 8 21 Angry Andy 6910 Dwight Okay?
46594 8 21 Angry Andy 6910 Erin Okay.
46595 8 21 Angry Andy 6910 Dwight Washington Monument.
46596 8 21 Angry Andy 6910 Erin Oh.
46597 8 21 Angry Andy 6910 Dwight Eiffel Tower.
46598 8 21 Angry Andy 6910 Erin Okay, okay.
46599 8 21 Angry Andy 6911 Pam I saw you were getting along with Ryan again.
46600 8 21 Angry Andy 6911 Kelly He's so sweet. He pointed to my latte and he said, "Kelly, that will be the color of our children."
46601 8 21 Angry Andy 6911 Pam Yeah, he's so great. Remember how it felt when he cheated on you though?
46602 8 21 Angry Andy 6911 Kelly Which time?
46603 8 21 Angry Andy 6912 Pam I am not going to let Kelly throw her life away on Ryan. And it has nothing to do with access to my pediatrician. Why you would even ask or were going to ask, because I- I felt like that question was coming.
46604 8 21 Angry Andy 6913 Dwight One of Toby's eyes is getting smaller. So there's that. Gabe bragged about having an extra ticket to the air show this weekend and Meredith said she was interested and then Gabe said immediately that his friend might be taking the ticket. So I'll keep you posted on that.
46605 8 21 Angry Andy 6914 Dwight Every day I brief Nellie on what's going on in the office. Most of it's irrelevant. But a good informer doesn't judge what's worth passing on.
46606 8 21 Angry Andy 6915 Dwight Oh, and Andy lost his masculinity, so congratulations on that.
46607 8 21 Angry Andy 6915 Nellie What do you mean?
46608 8 21 Angry Andy 6915 Dwight Erin made it clear to me that he was unable to perform sexually last night. By contrast, I went to sleep with an erection so large it was like I was wearing no blanket at all. Wow, I knew you'd win, but you just demolished him! I'm a little bit jealous, actually. Reduced him to a mere ant.
46609 8 21 Angry Andy 6916 Nellie I just wanted to take the man's job, not his manhood.
46610 8 21 Angry Andy 6917 Nellie Okay, I would like to invite everyone into the conference room.
46611 8 21 Angry Andy 6917 Andy You can't call a meeting. But I would like to have a meeting in the conference room right now! So let's get in the conference room. Thank you. Good. Thank you for coming to my meeting.
46612 8 21 Angry Andy 6917 Nellie Okay, if you would like to take a seat we can get started.
46613 8 21 Angry Andy 6917 Andy Oh! Can't do it 'cause I gotta run a meeting. So.
46614 8 21 Angry Andy 6917 Nellie No.
46615 8 21 Angry Andy 6917 Andy Wanted to talk to all of you guys about importance... and know that each and every one of you is vitally important.
46616 8 21 Angry Andy 6917 Robert Andrew, not everyone here is important. And the word is "impotence."
46617 8 21 Angry Andy 6917 Nellie Which is important in its own way. So if you'd just like to take a seat, Andy.
46618 8 21 Angry Andy 6918 Nellie "Take a man's job, but leave him his balls." Margaret Thatcher said that... probably. Don't know. Don't read. Didn't see the movie.
46619 8 21 Angry Andy 6919 Nellie This meeting is not about any one person in particular. It is a human problem.
46620 8 21 Angry Andy 6919 Dwight It's not just a human problem. Flounders frequently experience impotence, especially when converting from male to female and then back again to male.
46621 8 21 Angry Andy 6919 Oscar Nellie, does the person affected by this want us to help her in any way in particular?
46622 8 21 Angry Andy 6919 Nellie Oh, oh, it's not me. No, no. I've never had any problem in that arena. And I have been with several older men.
46623 8 21 Angry Andy 6919 Robert, Creed How old?
46624 8 21 Angry Andy 6919 Creed Jinx. Buy me some Coke.
46625 8 21 Angry Andy 6919 Nellie Dwight told me about it earlier.
46626 8 21 Angry Andy 6919 Erin Dwight!
46627 8 21 Angry Andy 6919 All What?
46628 8 21 Angry Andy 6919 Erin You promised!
46629 8 21 Angry Andy 6919 Kevin Dwight couldn't get it up for Nellie?
46630 8 21 Angry Andy 6919 Dwight No, no, no, no, no, It's not me. I'm gonna prove it right here and now.
46631 8 21 Angry Andy 6919 Angela What are you doing?
46632 8 21 Angry Andy 6919 Oscar What is this?
46633 8 21 Angry Andy 6919 Angela Stop that! Dwight! Stop that, stop it.
46634 8 21 Angry Andy 6919 Andy Fine, it was me. I couldn't- I had a problem with Erin last night. Happy?
46635 8 21 Angry Andy 6920 Andy I had a lot on my mind last night. And I didn't perform. Okay? It happens to plenty of guys. It's usually not followed by a giant workplace discussion and an interview.
46636 8 21 Angry Andy 6921 Andy Every guy in this room has been touched by this affliction. Tuna? T-dog?
46637 8 21 Angry Andy 6921 Jim Um...
46638 8 21 Angry Andy 6921 Darryl Uh... I have other issues. I'm terrible at math. Overweight. You- you're in great shape. A lot better shape than I am, tell you what.
46639 8 21 Angry Andy 6921 Robert It seems Andy is the only one with this problem. Fascinating.
46640 8 21 Angry Andy 6921 Andy Fascinating.
46641 8 21 Angry Andy 6921 Gabe I don't really see what the problem is. Erin doesn't even like s*x, remember? You said it feels like getting tackled by a skeleton.
46642 8 21 Angry Andy 6921 Nellie Chumbo, come on, help me out. Any problems with Little Chumbo?
46643 8 21 Angry Andy 6921 Kevin Tip-top shape.
46644 8 21 Angry Andy 6921 Nellie Oh... Stanley?
46645 8 21 Angry Andy 6921 Stanley No. Um-um.
46646 8 21 Angry Andy 6921 Nellie Creed, you are a thousand years old.
46647 8 21 Angry Andy 6921 Creed Haven't heard any complaints. Wouldn't care if I did.
46648 8 21 Angry Andy 6921 Andy Okay, so I-
46649 8 21 Angry Andy 6921 Pam Actually Andy, I think maybe we experienced it.
46650 8 21 Angry Andy 6921 Jim What happened?
46651 8 21 Angry Andy 6921 Pam That a couple of times-
46652 8 21 Angry Andy 6921 Jim Couple of times.
46653 8 21 Angry Andy 6921 Robert Jim, maybe you could tell us about one of those times.
46654 8 21 Angry Andy 6921 Dwight Yeah Jim.
46655 8 21 Angry Andy 6921 Andy Yeah Jim, get it out there.
46656 8 21 Angry Andy 6921 Jim Um... I don't... Uh, yes, that time that it was very late. Uh, we'd had s*x so many times already, I was exhausted...
46657 8 21 Angry Andy 6921 Pam Okay, stop.
46658 8 21 Angry Andy 6921 Jim I was very drunk.
46659 8 21 Angry Andy 6921 Phyllis If it makes you feel any better, I never had an orgasm until I was forty-two. And then when I did, it lasted 'til I was forty-four.
46660 8 21 Angry Andy 6922 Phyllis Forty-three was ju- I got nothing done.
46661 8 21 Angry Andy 6923 Gabe I've read- and I don't know anything about this personally- but they say prostate stimulation can help.
46662 8 21 Angry Andy 6923 Angela Ugh.
46663 8 21 Angry Andy 6923 Gabe This is just, uh- This American Life, I think I heard it on.
46664 8 21 Angry Andy 6923 Robert No, that's absolutely the case.
46665 8 21 Angry Andy 6923 Gabe I know, right?
46666 8 21 Angry Andy 6923 Dwight You know, my rectal electro-ejaculator is rated for bovine use only but I could let you rent it.
46667 8 21 Angry Andy 6923 Robert Andy, why don't you tell us about the best erection of your life? Or does anyone else have any remarkable erections they'd like to share?
46668 8 21 Angry Andy 6923 Kevin Ooh, ooh!
46669 8 21 Angry Andy 6923 Jim Wow, what are we talking about?
46670 8 21 Angry Andy 6923 Erin Toby, doesn't HR have some rules against talking about this kind of stuff?
46671 8 21 Angry Andy 6923 Toby Erin, HR is a joke. I can't do anything about anything.
46672 8 21 Angry Andy 6923 Nellie The most important thing to remember is not to stress about this. Stress just makes it worse, and then you stress more. And that's a vicious spiral.
46673 8 21 Angry Andy 6924 Robert I almost didn't come in today.
46674 8 21 Angry Andy 6925 Andy Dad, don't think of it as a demotion. Just think of it as a promotion to a lower level. I don't think you have to tell your friends anything. It hasn't been decided yet.
46675 8 21 Angry Andy 6925 Nellie Erin, on phone memos you're writing the date American style. Month, day, year. I prefer it day, month, year. Small, bigger, biggest. Oh, sexual innuendo. Not intentional.
46676 8 21 Angry Andy 6925 Erin Shut up. Shut up! I am sick of your dumb opinions. And if you don't like the way that I take phone messages, here! Take 'em yourself!
46677 8 21 Angry Andy 6925 Andy Oh, and another thing! Our s*x life is none of your businesses!
46678 8 21 Angry Andy 6925 Erin And Andy is the manager, not Nellie!
46679 8 21 Angry Andy 6925 Andy Stop protecting me! I'm a man- I can protect myself! This is misdirected anger and I'm sorry! I don't mean to lash out at you! There's a lot coming up right now, all at once! Dad go to hell, I'm taller than you!
46680 8 21 Angry Andy 6925 Nellie Okay, just calm down.
46681 8 21 Angry Andy 6925 Andy You are not the manager. I earned that job. I was personally chosen after Robert was chosen and quit.
46682 8 21 Angry Andy 6925 Robert Andy, why don't you just take a seat?
46683 8 21 Angry Andy 6925 Andy Why don't you take a seat, you idiot?
46684 8 21 Angry Andy 6925 Erin And why don't you take all your stupid memos and your stupid pens and your dumb caramels?
46685 8 21 Angry Andy 6925 Andy And your stupid face! And your stupid office! Ah!
46686 8 21 Angry Andy 6925 Darryl He does not like that wall.
46687 8 21 Angry Andy 6926 Erin Maybe we'll get sent to anger management together.
46688 8 21 Angry Andy 6926 Andy That would actually be cool. I'd love for you to meet some of the guys.
46689 8 21 Angry Andy 6926 Robert Andy, Erin, you can join us now.
46690 8 21 Angry Andy 6927 Ryan Hey, I hear you been bad-mouthing me to Kelly.
46691 8 21 Angry Andy 6927 Pam All I did was remind her that you used to treat her badly.
46692 8 21 Angry Andy 6927 Ryan Well that's your opinion and it's her opinion, but it's not my opinion. If you have something bad to say to me, Pam, say it to my face.
46693 8 21 Angry Andy 6927 Pam Fair enough. Um... I don't think you're a very good person. And forgive me, but I feel like I've said this to you before: I don't like you very much.
46694 8 21 Angry Andy 6927 Ryan Well a lot of people would say that I'm a better match for Kelly than Ravi is.
46695 8 21 Angry Andy 6927 Oscar Oh come on, Ryan. Really? Ravi's way better.
46696 8 21 Angry Andy 6927 Ryan For Kelly?
46697 8 21 Angry Andy 6927 Kevin Yeah. Man, you're insane right now. Ravi's the whole package.
46698 8 21 Angry Andy 6927 Nate I've never met Ravi personally, but I'm gonna go ahead and say, just having knowing you a short while, Brian, that I prefer Ravi. And again, I've never even met the guy.
46699 8 21 Angry Andy 6927 Ryan Kelly, I wrote you the most amazing love poem. But I can't even read it. My heart couldn't handle it.
46700 8 21 Angry Andy 6927 Pam Oh, no, no, no.
46701 8 21 Angry Andy 6927 Oscar Oh, come on.
46702 8 21 Angry Andy 6927 Pam Read it, please. I love amazing poetry.
46703 8 21 Angry Andy 6927 Ryan No. It would cause me too much pain.
46704 8 21 Angry Andy 6927 Pam Read through the pain. Be strong.
46705 8 21 Angry Andy 6927 Ryan This poem would crush you!
46706 8 21 Angry Andy 6927 Oscar Ryan, go away! She found herself a beautiful boyfriend!
46707 8 21 Angry Andy 6927 Kevin Yeah, man, he's absolutely gorgeous! Please leave her alone.
46708 8 21 Angry Andy 6927 Ryan You see, Kelly? Our love scares them. It screws up their cookie-cutter world.
46709 8 21 Angry Andy 6928 Kelly Ravi makes me incredibly happy. And Ryan puts me through so much drama. So I guess I just have to decide which of those is more important to me.
46710 8 21 Angry Andy 6929 Robert Andy, we're going to go with Nellie as manager and put you back on the sales team. I promise you, in time, we'll all laugh about this incident. I already think it's kind of funny.
46711 8 21 Angry Andy 6929 Andy No.
46712 8 21 Angry Andy 6929 Robert Excuse me?
46713 8 21 Angry Andy 6929 Andy I'm saying no.
46714 8 21 Angry Andy 6929 Robert Well you can't say no.
46715 8 21 Angry Andy 6929 Andy No.
46716 8 21 Angry Andy 6930 Pam Oh, boo! Boo! Boo to you! Boo!
46717 8 21 Angry Andy 6930 Ryan You are toxic! You are toxic!
46718 8 21 Angry Andy 6930 Pam Boo!
46719 8 21 Angry Andy 6930 Jim Hey, hey. Okay.
46720 8 21 Angry Andy 6930 Ryan Kelly, I have a few things to say to you, so please don't interrupt.
46721 8 21 Angry Andy 6930 Kelly I wasn't going to interrupt.
46722 8 21 Angry Andy 6930 Ryan Well you do a lot, so just don't. Thank you. I know that I haven't always treated you the way that you, for whatever reason, feel you deserve to be treated. But I want to marry you, Kelly Kapoor. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday, and probably.
46723 8 21 Angry Andy 6930 Pam Barf! Ugh, you suck!
46724 8 21 Angry Andy 6930 Ryan What is your problem? Hey, hey, hey, can we turn this back around quickly, please? This is very important to me.
46725 8 21 Angry Andy 6930 Wrangler Turn around. Turn around. Turn around!
46726 8 21 Angry Andy 6930 Ryan Can we turn this -ing thing around? Thank you.
46727 8 21 Angry Andy 6930 Wrangler She don't wanna turn around.
46728 8 21 Angry Andy 6930 Ryan Thank you. Kelly, I can't promise you that we'll always stay together. I can't promise you that I'll never cheat on you. Nor should I. Modern marriages aren't built that way. Men aren't built that way. There's a very interesting article I can email to you. But I can tell you this. Even if the odds are fifty-fifty that we'll break up within the week, I wanna roll those dice. I love you, Kelly.
46729 8 21 Angry Andy 6930 Kelly Ryan.
46730 8 21 Angry Andy 6930 Ryan Will you roll those dice with me?
46731 8 21 Angry Andy 6930 Kelly You mean so much to me. But, I love Ravi and I choose him.
46732 8 21 Angry Andy 6930 Ryan No you don't.
46733 8 21 Angry Andy 6930 Kelly I do.
46734 8 21 Angry Andy 6930 Ryan No you don't.
46735 8 21 Angry Andy 6930 Kelly I hope we can still be friends. Can I have a hug?
46736 8 21 Angry Andy 6930 Ryan What?
46737 8 21 Angry Andy 6930 Kelly That was really cool.
46738 8 21 Angry Andy 6930 Angela Ugh. Eww!
46739 8 21 Angry Andy 6930 Jim Well, it's good to see Kelly's maturing.
46740 8 21 Angry Andy 6930 Angela Oh God!
46741 8 21 Angry Andy 6931 Robert Look, Andrew, we can discuss the specifics of the job.
46742 8 21 Angry Andy 6931 Andy No.
46743 8 21 Angry Andy 6931 Nellie It's the apology. I really have to insist.
46744 8 21 Angry Andy 6931 Andy No.
46745 8 21 Angry Andy 6931 Nellie Stop saying no.
46746 8 21 Angry Andy 6931 Andy No.
46747 8 21 Angry Andy 6931 Robert Andrew, if you say no one more time, you're fired. So... is there anything else you wanna say?
46748 8 21 Angry Andy 6931 Andy No.
46749 8 21 Angry Andy 6932 Andy I can't describe it. I just, for the first time in a long time, I actually feel in control. I feel... alive.
46750 8 21 Angry Andy 6932 Erin Here-
46751 8 21 Angry Andy 6932 Andy Ah- da, da, da, da. I got it.
46752 8 21 Angry Andy 6932 Erin But you hurt your hand.
46753 8 21 Angry Andy 6932 Andy I... Got... It.
46754 8 21 Angry Andy 6932 Erin Right now?
46755 8 21 Angry Andy 6932 Andy Yes.
46756 8 21 Angry Andy 6933 Pam You're not the least bit curious to hear a poem straight from Ryan's soul?
46757 8 21 Angry Andy 6933 Jim Not at all, can we go?
46758 8 21 Angry Andy 6933 Pam "Kapoor and ka-desperate, he watches."
46759 8 21 Angry Andy 6933 Jim Second line.
46760 8 21 Angry Andy 6933 Pam "He is a drifter out to sea."
46761 8 21 Angry Andy 6934 Jim "And when the Indian Ocean calms, one speck of white remains in waters cold and Kelly green."
46762 8 21 Angry Andy 6934 Pam It's just so dumb. But when he describes himself as a child, lost on the life raft...
46763 8 21 Angry Andy 6935 Jim Uh, Ryan can never know.
46764 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Ryan No, no, no, no, no, no, no! No, no, no, no, no, no.
46765 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Pam Okay fine. Ryan, something the matter?
46766 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Ryan Smokey's dead.
46767 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Pam Smokey, the bear?
46768 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Ryan Smokey Robinson Pam. He died like an hour ago, I guess I'm the first to know.
46769 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Jim Wow That's terrible, I really liked him.
46770 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Ryan Oh you liked him? That's nice. Did you like when he changed the course of American music like two or three times? Did you like that tracks of my tears is maybe the last true love song ever written? I'm glad you liked him Jim. I am completely devastated right now.
46771 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Jim Well, I second that emotion.
46772 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Ryan Huh?
46773 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Nellie I know a few of his songs, but what were his big ones?
46774 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Ryan Oh God, Nellie! What wasn't his? I mean, um, "Tracks of my Tears"?
46775 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Nellie Yeah
46776 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Ryan Um... God, so many, Nellie!
46777 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Pam No, no, no, "Tracks of My Tears" and what else? What are some more? What's one more?
46778 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Ryan Okay, I'm not... I'm not playing this game, Pam. Not today.
46779 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Pam I don't think you love Smokey Robinson. I think you're just doing all of this to prove how deep you are about music
46780 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Ryan Okay, I'm sorry I'm not a fan of Jason Mraz or the Beatles.
46781 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Dwight You don't like the Beatles?
46782 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Ryan That's... That's not the point!
46783 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Dwight Eleanor Rigby? Paperback writer?
46784 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Ryan Okay, you know, you always think you have time to see these legends before they go. What was I so busy doing?
46785 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Oscar It says here this Smokey Robinson dead thing was a hoax. It's on CNN as of two minutes ago.
46786 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Ryan Okay well, that's a relief!
46787 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Jim Wow! Look at that! It says he's actually playing State College. That's only three hours away!
46788 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Pam Oh my God, Ryan! That's perfect! You have to go!
46789 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Jim Tickets are 250 bucks.
46790 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Pam 250 dollars is nothing to the world's biggest Smokey Robinson fan.
46791 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Ryan Yeah... Who's opening?
46792 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Jim Paul Anka.
46793 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Ryan Paul Anka?! How can they make the Smoke Man play with someone like that? I don't think I can see this.
46794 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Jim Okay, you could just show up late though.
46795 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Ryan How much is parking, like 30 bucks? That's not what Smokey would have wanted. Does want.
46796 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Pam Tears of a clown!
46797 8 22 Fundraiser 6936 Ryan Don't call me a clown, Pam. You're better than that!
46798 8 22 Fundraiser 6937 Darryl Looking good, RC!
46799 8 22 Fundraiser 6937 Robert Ugh, I hate ties! I feel like I'm being strangled like I'm at some erotic asphyxiation s*x club over on I-84. The red room say? Or Dominick's?
46800 8 22 Fundraiser 6937 Angela Robert! The senator was going to wear dark brown tonight... I'm sure it will be fine.
46801 8 22 Fundraiser 6938 Angela My husband is sponsoring a fundraiser tonight for local dog shelters! Robert California bought two tables for everyone here! These people were lucky to get seats because it is going to be a who's who of the northern 22nd district!
46802 8 22 Fundraiser 6939 Dwight I don't want to alarm people, but there is a distinct chance that we are all about to be killed
46803 8 22 Fundraiser 6939 Jim Well, as long as you don't want to alarm people...
46804 8 22 Fundraiser 6939 Oscar What's going on?
46805 8 22 Fundraiser 6939 Dwight There is a disgruntled ex-employee sitting in his car in the parking lot.
46806 8 22 Fundraiser 6939 Erin Oh that's Andy. He's just hanging out
46807 8 22 Fundraiser 6939 Dwight That's how workplace tragedies always begin. A middle aged white male "hanging out". Call the cops!
46808 8 22 Fundraiser 6939 Pam Dwight, I don't think he's going to hurt anybody.
46809 8 22 Fundraiser 6939 Phyllis How do you? I mean, why do you think he's there?
46810 8 22 Fundraiser 6939 Dwight I don't even know what kind of weapon he has. Could be a knife, could be a gun. Could be a series of guns all lined up to shoot parallel. I'm going up to the roof. And I'm gonna bring my gym bag just in case.
46811 8 22 Fundraiser 6939 Nellie I knew this would happen! Everybody told me if I moved to America, I'd be murdered.
46812 8 22 Fundraiser 6940 Andy Hey!
46813 8 22 Fundraiser 6940 Erin Hey, just wanted to say hi and hear you say everything is normal. Maybe video tape you saying that so that everyone upstairs can see.
46814 8 22 Fundraiser 6940 Angela We think you might kill Robert.
46815 8 22 Fundraiser 6940 Andy What?
46816 8 22 Fundraiser 6940 Kevin because he fired you which means apparently you're living in your car now.
46817 8 22 Fundraiser 6940 Andy guys, everything is fine! I'm just here to pick up Erin. We're going to the Fundraiser.
46818 8 22 Fundraiser 6940 Pam Oh, great! That sounds good!
46819 8 22 Fundraiser 6940 Kevin Wait, what? You're going to the fundraiser tonight? That's going to be weird.
46820 8 22 Fundraiser 6940 Andy Why would that be weird?
46821 8 22 Fundraiser 6940 Kevin It's going to be super weird, he just fired you last week.
46822 8 22 Fundraiser 6940 Erin Andy's just coming as my date.
46823 8 22 Fundraiser 6940 Kevin Hey, I hear you! I hope you're right. It just seems like it's going to be really, really weird.
46824 8 22 Fundraiser 6941 Nellie Come in!
46825 8 22 Fundraiser 6941 Darryl You really re-did Andy's office, huh?
46826 8 22 Fundraiser 6941 Nellie Yes, cut out the clutter. Very simple, very minimal.
46827 8 22 Fundraiser 6941 Darryl I need you to sign these, we got a shipment going out.
46828 8 22 Fundraiser 6941 Nellie How are things in the warehouse?
46829 8 22 Fundraiser 6941 Darryl You could go downstairs and ask them?
46830 8 22 Fundraiser 6941 Nellie The warehouse isn't downstairs? Is it? Is it?
46831 8 22 Fundraiser 6941 Darryl Who knew, right?
46832 8 22 Fundraiser 6941 Nellie I...
46833 8 22 Fundraiser 6942 Nellie Tonight could be the night that Darryl and I go from casual work friends to actual good friends. The only thing standing in our way is the contempt he seems to feel for me.
46834 8 22 Fundraiser 6943 Angela Robert, the senator and I wanted to stop by and say hello.
46835 8 22 Fundraiser 6943 Andy Hello! Did anyone order a blast from the past, with a side order of sexy?
46836 8 22 Fundraiser 6943 Kevin Oh man, this is weird!
46837 8 22 Fundraiser 6943 Robert Andrew.
46838 8 22 Fundraiser 6943 Andy Oh, Wanna shake my hand, huh? Cause I want to shake your body! I had you, I had you!
46839 8 22 Fundraiser 6944 Andy Where do I look? It's been so long since I did one of these things? Okay, alright! What's the question? How am I doing? Umm... Great!
46840 8 22 Fundraiser 6945 Kevin Creed, I just bid twenty dollars on six Jiu-Jitsu lessons. No one's raping this guy!
46841 8 22 Fundraiser 6945 Creed Well, I don't want to get raped Twenty-Two!
46842 8 22 Fundraiser 6945 Kevin No! It was my idea to not be raped!
46843 8 22 Fundraiser 6945 Dwight Wait, you think Jiu-Jitsu classes cost $22 If you're going to guess the price, you might as well try to be halfway accurate. $180!
46844 8 22 Fundraiser 6945 Kevin Whoa, Dwight, I don't think you understand.
46845 8 22 Fundraiser 6945 Dwight You guess the price, you win the prize. Have you never been to a Quaker fair before? God!
46846 8 22 Fundraiser 6946 Kevin So Dwight doesn't understand silent auctions. I guess he's the stupid guy in the office, huh? Up till now, we didn't have one!
46847 8 22 Fundraiser 6947 Andy What haven't I been doing? Gosh, just today I was working on this rock opera that I'm writing, though it feels more like I'm receiving it than writing it.
46848 8 22 Fundraiser 6947 Jim Wow, that's exciting! But until you firm up the idea, you might want to keep it between us.
46849 8 22 Fundraiser 6947 Andy The hero lives in this dystopian future and he flies around in a spaceship that's shaped like a treble clef. And he has to sing his heart out to destroy all evil.
46850 8 22 Fundraiser 6947 Pam Sounds like you're doing alright.
46851 8 22 Fundraiser 6947 Andy Ehh, a little better than alright, actually. Really good!
46852 8 22 Fundraiser 6948 Ryan Oh, this guy is having a breakdown.
46853 8 22 Fundraiser 6949 Senator You know, Oscar, I really had no idea you were so passionate about animals.
46854 8 22 Fundraiser 6949 Oscar my dog Gerald is my life.
46855 8 22 Fundraiser 6949 Senator really? Well, if you want to get involved, call me. This is my cell. I'm more likely to pick up night, say after 9... Excuse me.
46856 8 22 Fundraiser 6950 Oscar This confirms three things: I'm right about the senator, I still got it, and poor Angela.
46857 8 22 Fundraiser 6951 Robert I stepped in right away and start--
46858 8 22 Fundraiser 6951 Andy Bobby! Bobbo! You're a rock opera guy, right? You like rock operas?
46859 8 22 Fundraiser 6951 Robert Well...
46860 8 22 Fundraiser 6951 Andy You gotta check out this thing I'm working on, it's really cool. There's this character Thomas Oregon, and he wants to destroy all the guitars in the world because he realizes that music is the one thing he can't control.
46861 8 22 Fundraiser 6951 Robert So, Thomas Oregon is an evil figure?
46862 8 22 Fundraiser 6951 Andy Evil! although he's humanized in the end because he weeps uncontrolably and pees in his pants.
46863 8 22 Fundraiser 6951 Robert and the hero, who's that based on?
46864 8 22 Fundraiser 6951 Andy Me, I guess. We're flying so high, we're crackin' the sky! Gonna fly out of this dome my girlfriend and I!
46865 8 22 Fundraiser 6951 Meredith Hey jabroni. Show some class.
46866 8 22 Fundraiser 6951 Stanley She's right, Andy. you're being a jabroni
46867 8 22 Fundraiser 6951 Andy You're being a Thomas Oregon!
46868 8 22 Fundraiser 6951 Robert Andrew, I think this may have been a bad idea. Why don't you let me pay for you and Erin to go out to a great romantic dinner tonight?
46869 8 22 Fundraiser 6951 Andy Don't need you to pay for me. I'm doing just fine, thank you. Why don't you quit harshing our mellow?
46870 8 22 Fundraiser 6951 Robert Andy you should leave. Now.
46871 8 22 Fundraiser 6951 Andy Excuse me. I would like to purchase two seats at another table, please.
46872 8 22 Fundraiser 6951 Waiter I'm sorry, the tables are sold as complete units.
46873 8 22 Fundraiser 6951 Andy then I'll take a table!
46874 8 22 Fundraiser 6951 Waiter Okay
46875 8 22 Fundraiser 6951 Andy And a high five! Oh, let's do this again!
46876 8 22 Fundraiser 6952 Andy Oh, yes indeed... When! Whoa, whoa, whoa! You forgot a few salads! When!
46877 8 22 Fundraiser 6953 Oscar I stumbled into a very dramatic situation. Angelas husband just hit on me!
46878 8 22 Fundraiser 6953 Pam Oh my god!
46879 8 22 Fundraiser 6953 Oscar I know!
46880 8 22 Fundraiser 6953 Jim Wait, what? Come on!
46881 8 22 Fundraiser 6953 Oscar We were talking about animals, he gives me his cell phone number. He was just dying for me to have it.
46882 8 22 Fundraiser 6953 Jim Okay, Oscar, I'm not saying you're not dreamy, because you are, but isn't it possible that he was just schmoosing a voter?
46883 8 22 Fundraiser 6953 Oscar Well, if you would have seen the look he gave me, he wanted to run more than just my vote.
46884 8 22 Fundraiser 6953 Jim Okay, what was this look?
46885 8 22 Fundraiser 6953 Pam Whoa!
46886 8 22 Fundraiser 6953 Jim What happened, did he do it?
46887 8 22 Fundraiser 6953 Pam Are you-- Twice! For real?
46888 8 22 Fundraiser 6953 Jim Okay guys, not every glance means something, alright? Life isn't Downton Abbey.
46889 8 22 Fundraiser 6953 Pam Life is Downton Abbey.
46890 8 22 Fundraiser 6953 Jim Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to go over there and I'm going to talk to him and I guarantee you he gives out his cell phone to everybody.
46891 8 22 Fundraiser 6954 Dwight How much do you guys charge for a one full year gym membership? Thank you!
46892 8 22 Fundraiser 6955 Dwight It's $475! Like candy from a baby!
46893 8 22 Fundraiser 6956 Andy Hey... David Wallace!
46894 8 22 Fundraiser 6956 David Andy Bernard!
46895 8 22 Fundraiser 6956 Andy Hey, how are you?
46896 8 22 Fundraiser 6956 David How you doing, I'm great! How you doing, are you still with Dunder Mifflin?
46897 8 22 Fundraiser 6956 Andy No, got canned last week.
46898 8 22 Fundraiser 6956 David Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
46899 8 22 Fundraiser 6956 Andy No, best thing that ever happened to me.
46900 8 22 Fundraiser 6956 David That's the attitude to have. You know what, when I got canned, I was lost, right? I poured myself into this ridiculous vacuum for toys called Suck-It.
46901 8 22 Fundraiser 6956 Andy Yikes!
46902 8 22 Fundraiser 6956 David Yeah, exactly right? Then suddenly out of nowhere, the US military bought the patent from me for twenty million dollars! The point is, forget those guys, k? Move on! Good to see you, Andy!
46903 8 22 Fundraiser 6957 Nellie Call me a lame man, but I wish there was some real food here. You know, like hamburgers... Or Oreos... Or a pizza pie or, what's another food that we like?
46904 8 22 Fundraiser 6957 Darryl Tacos.
46905 8 22 Fundraiser 6957 Nellie What I wouldn't give for a big mess of tacos right now!
46906 8 22 Fundraiser 6957 Darryl I can go get us some tacos.
46907 8 22 Fundraiser 6957 Nellie Brilliant!
46908 8 22 Fundraiser 6957 Darryl If you loan me some money.
46909 8 22 Fundraiser 6957 Nellie Yes, I can do that. For, um, for two tacos, we'd probably need about what 20... $20? Or $25? $20?
46910 8 22 Fundraiser 6957 Darryl 30
46911 8 22 Fundraiser 6957 Nellie $30, yes!
46912 8 22 Fundraiser 6958 Nellie I've never eaten a taco. I'm not entirely sure what they are. As long as they're not slimy, and please god don't let them have eyes!
46913 8 22 Fundraiser 6959 Oscar So?
46914 8 22 Fundraiser 6959 Jim Boom!
46915 8 22 Fundraiser 6959 Oscar This is interesting.
46916 8 22 Fundraiser 6959 Pam Hm-hmm.
46917 8 22 Fundraiser 6959 Jim what is interesting? I just proved that he gives his cell out to everybody.
46918 8 22 Fundraiser 6959 Pam Or you proved that he thinks you're gay.
46919 8 22 Fundraiser 6959 Oscar He does not think Jim's gay. A gay man would not leave the house wearing those shoes.
46920 8 22 Fundraiser 6959 Pam Well, a gay man would not leave the store wearing those shoes!
46921 8 22 Fundraiser 6959 Jim Oh, hey! you bought me those shoes!
46922 8 22 Fundraiser 6960 Speaker Before we bring out our guest of honor tonight, we are very proud to introduce a great philanthropist and a great guy. Robert California!
46923 8 22 Fundraiser 6960 Robert Thank you. Why do we love dogs? Want me to tell you why? There is no answer. Our love for them confounds reason!
46924 8 22 Fundraiser 6960 Andy can you believe this guy?
46925 8 22 Fundraiser 6960 Robert The state senator, Robert Lipton, loves dogs. he asked me if I loved dogs. you know what I said? Yes!
46926 8 22 Fundraiser 6960 Andy Not a joke. That was not even a joke.
46927 8 22 Fundraiser 6960 Robert Bella here was a therapy dog for ten years. when her owner passed away she came to this organization for placement. But people don't often adopt older dogs, so Bella and eleven heroes like her are being cared for by our generous volunteers because frankly nobody else will
46928 8 22 Fundraiser 6960 Andy I will! I will take all of those dogs!
46929 8 22 Fundraiser 6960 Robert Andy, that's very kind--
46930 8 22 Fundraiser 6960 Andy No, no, no. This guy can talk and talk all he wants, but it's not that complicated.
46931 8 22 Fundraiser 6960 Robert Andy why don't we discuss this at a--
46932 8 22 Fundraiser 6960 Andy No, no, no, it's about being there for someone after it's become inconvenient for them to be around. Hello everyone, I am Andy Bernard and I am going to take that bitch home! That is a female dog reference. This bitch understands loyalty! Sassy human reference thank you, I will take Bella and every single one of her friends!
46933 8 22 Fundraiser 6960 Erin Oh God!
46934 8 22 Fundraiser 6960 Senator Mr. Bernard, right this way.
46935 8 22 Fundraiser 6960 Andy Okay! Hope you all learned something!
46936 8 22 Fundraiser 6961 Vet Huey is going to need this medication once every 90 minutes. You can administer it orally, but he's going to puke it up. So, other end is best. Don't split up Daisy and Mojo because daisy will start to, uh... I was going to say bark, but it's more of a scream.
46937 8 22 Fundraiser 6961 Andy I'm so ready to love all of these animals. This one's even bonding with me already.
46938 8 22 Fundraiser 6961 Vet Uh, no. Kenny's a therapy dog. He apparently thinks you're in some kind of emotional crisis.
46939 8 22 Fundraiser 6961 Andy Stupid dog.
46940 8 22 Fundraiser 6962 Senator Well, if you would like to talk about this some more, my office is always open! So here's my office number, and my cell number.
46941 8 22 Fundraiser 6962 Meredith Thank you!
46942 8 22 Fundraiser 6963 Pam Well, looks like he really did just want to talk about the issues. i'm Sorry Oscar.
46943 8 22 Fundraiser 6963 Oscar sorry about what? There's nothing to be sorry about here.
46944 8 22 Fundraiser 6964 Oscar No. I'm certainly not disappointed that Angelas husband was not hitting on me. I'd have to be a monster to root for that. A lonely, aging monster.
46945 8 22 Fundraiser 6965 Darryl Tacos were on sale, eight for $3!
46946 8 22 Fundraiser 6965 Nellie Oh, great! Okay, oh... Oh, these tacos!
46947 8 22 Fundraiser 6965 Darryl Hmhmm.
46948 8 22 Fundraiser 6965 Nellie Mmm! Uhh Mmmm... Oh! Hmmph!
46949 8 22 Fundraiser 6966 Darryl She's trying.
46950 8 22 Fundraiser 6967 Speaker The winner of the three day trip to the sky top lodge is Dwight Schrute!
46951 8 22 Fundraiser 6967 Dwight Yes! Thank you!
46952 8 22 Fundraiser 6967 Speaker The yearlong membership to Scraton-Bikram Yoga is Dwight Schrute!
46953 8 22 Fundraiser 6967 Dwight Oh yes! Yeah!
46954 8 22 Fundraiser 6967 Speaker A one hour appointment with the kissing magician goes to Dwight Schrute!
46955 8 22 Fundraiser 6967 Dwight Oh, oh, oh! Yeah! Ha, ha!
46956 8 22 Fundraiser 6967 Speaker Well, I think I can save us some time, Dwight Schrute has won every single item here!
46957 8 22 Fundraiser 6967 Dwight Thank you very much! All I had to do was look at the prices, idiots! Suck it!
46958 8 22 Fundraiser 6967 Speaker Well, Dwight, yes! You certainly are a record breaker! Your donation is the largest we've ever received at over 34 thousand dollars!
46959 8 22 Fundraiser 6967 Jim Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech!
46960 8 22 Fundraiser 6967 Dwight Thank you. Wow, I can't tell you what an honor it is to support this thing... And obviously that amount of money is no concern to me whatsoever. But, I want to ask you something: when did it become all about the money. when did it become about the flower arrangements, and the white wine spritser, hmm? and all the dinner rolls. you people should be ashamed of yourselves! How many courses did we have tonight, two? Three maybe, if you choose the pudding? I mean what waste! these tables tarted up like Victorian whores! lets' remember we are all here for the dog society. He's what's important, whatever his name is. Not any of this. So that is going to be my donation to you. Thank you and good night!
46961 8 22 Fundraiser 6968 Senator Oscar!
46962 8 22 Fundraiser 6968 Oscar Nice to see you again, it was lovely!
46963 8 22 Fundraiser 6968 Senator It was lovely! And don't forget to call.
46964 8 22 Fundraiser 6968 Oscar okay
46965 8 22 Fundraiser 6968 Senator thanks so much for coming
46966 8 22 Fundraiser 6969 Oscar why does this always happen to me? Ahh! I just feel so bad for Angela
46967 8 22 Fundraiser 6970 Andy so it just goes on under here like this?
46968 8 22 Fundraiser 6970 Vet that's right!
46969 8 22 Fundraiser 6970 Andy Ugh, oh god!
46970 8 22 Fundraiser 6970 Vet Yeah, you never get used to that.
46971 8 22 Fundraiser 6970 Jim Hey, just wanted to check in. See how you are doing.
46972 8 22 Fundraiser 6970 Andy I am so great!
46973 8 22 Fundraiser 6970 Erin He's great. we're all great. Twelve dogs. This my life now, I'm a dog nurse.
46974 8 22 Fundraiser 6970 Jim Look at that one though, he's smiling!
46975 8 22 Fundraiser 6970 Vet Yeah, he should be! It's his first day without a muzzle.
46976 8 22 Fundraiser 6970 Andy This is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me
46977 8 22 Fundraiser 6970 Pam Absolutely, it's awesome--
46978 8 22 Fundraiser 6970 Jim Yes--
46979 8 22 Fundraiser 6970 Kevin I'm sorry, are you guys nuts? He's not doing great! He was fired! This is terrible! This is literally the worst thing that has ever happened to you, not the best.
46980 8 22 Fundraiser 6970 Andy You're right. he's right, I am a mess. This whole night I've been trying to convince you guys that I'm fine. I guess I thought that if I could convince you that I'm fine, maybe--
46981 8 22 Fundraiser 6970 Vet Maybe you would think it too! I'm sorry, it's just I don't get to be in a lot of human conversations.
46982 8 22 Fundraiser 6970 Jim Okay well, Andy, listen. It's okay if you don't feel totally settled. This is all very fresh.
46983 8 22 Fundraiser 6970 Pam Yeah, I mean, admitting you need help is the first step!
46984 8 22 Fundraiser 6970 Andy Yes! And also, focusing on the positive. Like I got a lot of good things going on!
46985 8 22 Fundraiser 6970 Jim Yeah! Like that rock opera! You could always do that right?
46986 8 22 Fundraiser 6970 Andy Yeah, I do. I have that.
46987 8 22 Fundraiser 6970 Jim Yeah
46988 8 22 Fundraiser 6970 Erin You're going to be alright
46989 8 22 Fundraiser 6970 Kevin No. No he's not.
46990 8 22 Fundraiser 6970 Andy Yes, I am! Thank you, Kev!
46991 8 22 Fundraiser 6970 Kevin You're welcome!
46992 8 22 Fundraiser 6971 Kevin Sometimes I feel like every one I work with is an idiot. and by sometimes I mean all times. All the times. Every of the times!
46993 8 22 Fundraiser 6972 Erin So some of us ended up adopting those elderly dogs. It's been great!
46994 8 22 Fundraiser 6972 Darryl Pepper's been getting me out of the house, going on runs.
46995 8 22 Fundraiser 6972 Kevin My dog Ruby doesn't do anything, she just lays there all day! She's so chill.
46996 8 22 Fundraiser 6972 Pam What do you feed her?
46997 8 22 Fundraiser 6972 Kevin Well I put out Pro Bow-Wow, but she barely touches it. She's so dainty!
46998 8 22 Fundraiser 6972 Darryl Is she sick? How are her poops?
46999 8 22 Fundraiser 6972 Kevin Doesn't really poop. It's perfect, nothing to pick up! She just kind of lies there all day like a good girl. I put on the TV for her, but I have to prop her eyes open so she can see it.
47000 8 22 Fundraiser 6972 Pam Does she smell?
47001 8 22 Fundraiser 6972 Kevin She smells horrible. It's unbelievable. But I don't want to put her in the bath, because I'm afraid that she'll drown.
47002 8 22 Fundraiser 6973 Kevin People seem awful interested in you Ruby. Guess they're just jealous, right! Yeah, that a girl, that a girl! Man that stinks!
47003 8 23 Turf War 6974 Gabe Ugh, man. My delts are blasted. I wish they had a chart for how much protein powder to scoop for a 180 pound man with no fat.
47004 8 23 Turf War 6974 Dwight Protein powder, huh? You cut it with water? Why don't you just take estrogen? There you go boys. See how papa takes care of you? Mwah.
47005 8 23 Turf War 6975 Gabe I remember when people thought biceps were all that. They'd flex them all night at the discotheque.
47006 8 23 Turf War 6975 Dwight Oh, I bet you think it's all about core, huh?
47007 8 23 Turf War 6975 Gabe Yeah.
47008 8 23 Turf War 6975 Dwight Oh, please.
47009 8 23 Turf War 6975 Gabe Core's critical. There are four tenets of pilates that I live my life by. One ⓠlengthen. Two ⓠelongate.
47010 8 23 Turf War 6975 Jim Listen, guys, I think we all want to know the same thing, right? Who's the strongest? Well, there's only one way to solve that ⓠflat curl contest.
47011 8 23 Turf War 6976 Jim All right, here we go everybody. May the manliest man win. Go.
47012 8 23 Turf War 6976 Dwight Feast on this, Lewis.
47013 8 23 Turf War 6976 Gabe I love the burn. The burn is where I live.
47014 8 23 Turf War 6976 Jim Come on, Gabe, you can't handle his hamstrings. You're getting hypno-thigh-zed.
47015 8 23 Turf War 6976 Gabe Speed set. One. Two.
47016 8 23 Turf War 6976 Jim Here, this is for your elbows, for your elbows.
47017 8 23 Turf War 6976 Dwight Oh, thank you.
47018 8 23 Turf War 6976 Jim You're welcome.
47019 8 23 Turf War 6976 Gabe Five. Six.
47020 8 23 Turf War 6976 Jim Quick phone call from you guys, keep going,
47021 8 23 Turf War 6976 All Eight, nine, ten.
47022 8 23 Turf War 6976 Gabe We got it?
47023 8 23 Turf War 6977 Dwight Very funny Jim.
47024 8 23 Turf War 6977 Gabe Yeah, Jim. Way to mock us for perfecting our bodies.
47025 8 23 Turf War 6977 Robert Everyone, conference room, now.
47026 8 23 Turf War 6977 Jim All right, easy there, grandpa.
47027 8 23 Turf War 6977 Dwight I don't need your help.
47028 8 23 Turf War 6977 Jim Okay. You don't need my help?
47029 8 23 Turf War 6977 Dwight Here, here... Just...
47030 8 23 Turf War 6978 Andy Morning.
47031 8 23 Turf War 6978 Erin Hey.
47032 8 23 Turf War 6978 Andy Somebody left in such a hurry this morning that she forgot... these.
47033 8 23 Turf War 6978 Erin Oh.
47034 8 23 Turf War 6978 Andy You know the only thing more delicious than your feet is the feast that I am going to prepare for everyone.
47035 8 23 Turf War 6978 Erin Andy, if you're gonna hang out for a while, uh...
47036 8 23 Turf War 6978 Andy What's this?
47037 8 23 Turf War 6978 Erin This dumb rule Robert made, he just wants visitors to sign in.
47038 8 23 Turf War 6978 Andy Is this Robert's attempt to embarrass me?
47039 8 23 Turf War 6978 Erin No, of course not. It's just ⓠI think it's like if we make an exception for you, then we have to make an exception for the water guy, and then, it's like, where does it end? So just...
47040 8 23 Turf War 6979 Andy Why is it when other people spend all their time at the office, they're rewarded for it, and when I do it, I am told it's a little much? ...Is it because I am not an employee anymore, because that's what it feels like.
47041 8 23 Turf War 6980 Jim All right, well, enjoy the alumni game.
47042 8 23 Turf War 6980 Dwight Good, we have a deal?
47043 8 23 Turf War 6980 Jim Thanks Janet.
47044 8 23 Turf War 6980 Dwight Thanks so much Earl.
47045 8 23 Turf War 6980 Jim Wow, simultaneous sale.
47046 8 23 Turf War 6980 Dwight And they said it couldn't be done. Boom!
47047 8 23 Turf War 6980 Jim Screw â˜em.
47048 8 23 Turf War 6980 Andy Lot going on guys. What's happening?
47049 8 23 Turf War 6980 Jim Binghamton branch closed last night and their clients are up for grabs.
47050 8 23 Turf War 6980 Andy That was a fine branch. Things are really bad under Robert California, I guess. It's like a festival of poo.
47051 8 23 Turf War 6980 Jim Hey, hey, come on, language.
47052 8 23 Turf War 6980 Dwight Yeah, and we're not interested in your sour grapes, okay? Jim, tell him where he can stick his grapes.
47053 8 23 Turf War 6980 Jim In the fridge.
47054 8 23 Turf War 6980 Dwight No, Jim, the butt, in his butt.
47055 8 23 Turf War 6980 Jim Sorry, man, I can't focus on zingers. There's too many potential clients.
47056 8 23 Turf War 6980 Stanley You two better watch yourselves.
47057 8 23 Turf War 6980 Phyllis Yeah, the Syracuse branch can't be happy you're taking New York clients.
47058 8 23 Turf War 6980 Robert Shh... shh...
47059 8 23 Turf War 6980 Jim Robert?
47060 8 23 Turf War 6980 Oscar Why did Binghamton close?
47061 8 23 Turf War 6980 Robert Can everyone just, please... I had a one-man saturnalia last night, in celebration of the finalization of my divorce. I got into a case of Australian reds, and ⓠhow should I say this ⓠColumbian whites. What ⓠwhat is this about, uh, Binghamton?
47062 8 23 Turf War 6980 Kevin The branch closed. Forever.
47063 8 23 Turf War 6981 Robert Closing the Binghamton branch never occurred to me before today. Or, I guess, last night. But, in vino veritas as they say, I'm not gonna start doubting my drunken self now.
47064 8 23 Turf War 6982 Nellie I got your voicemail. From ⓠfrom last night.
47065 8 23 Turf War 6982 Robert Wonderful.
47066 8 23 Turf War 6982 Nellie And the answer... is yes, yes, yes, yes, and never.
47067 8 23 Turf War 6982 Robert Pam, when's the last time you lived so intensely that your brain literally couldn't hold the memories in?
47068 8 23 Turf War 6982 Pam Oh, it was this summer â“
47069 8 23 Turf War 6982 Robert Apparently, I left a phone message for Nellie last night, and I need you to find out what I said.
47070 8 23 Turf War 6982 Pam Um, I am a little busy.
47071 8 23 Turf War 6982 Robert Yes, â˜course. Why don't you list the things that would keep you from helping me.
47072 8 23 Turf War 6982 Pam Yeah, I can make you a list.
47073 8 23 Turf War 6982 Robert Let's do it now. What's number one?
47074 8 23 Turf War 6982 Pam Why don't I help you now?
47075 8 23 Turf War 6982 Robert There we go.
47076 8 23 Turf War 6982 Pam Okay.
47077 8 23 Turf War 6983 Harry Who the hell are Jim Halpert and Dwight Schrute?
47078 8 23 Turf War 6983 Erin Jim, Dwight, what are your last names?
47079 8 23 Turf War 6983 Dwight And you are...
47080 8 23 Turf War 6983 Harry Harry Jannerone, Dunder Mifflin Syracuse.
47081 8 23 Turf War 6983 Harry What the hell's all this?
47082 8 23 Turf War 6983 Andy Uh, cherries jubilee over homemade gelato.
47083 8 23 Turf War 6983 Harry You live well down here in P.A. I want to talk to you guys right now. Oh, and Lloyd Gross too. Which one's that guy?
47084 8 23 Turf War 6984 Jim The salesmen have a commission cap, but we figured out a way around it.
47085 8 23 Turf War 6984 Dwight Lloyd Gross is a fictional salesman we invented to ⓠhow do I put this ⓠsteal from the company. Embezzle. To commit fraud.
47086 8 23 Turf War 6984 Jim Okay, it sounds sketchy, but it helps us get more money.
47087 8 23 Turf War 6984 Dwight Yes.
47088 8 23 Turf War 6984 Jim Pam made a drawing of Lloyd. He is a blend of all the salesman.
47089 8 23 Turf War 6985 Dwight There he is. That's Lloyd.
47090 8 23 Turf War 6985 Toby Me?
47091 8 23 Turf War 6985 Creed Yeah, you.
47092 8 23 Turf War 6986 Harry Where do you get off crossing state lines?
47093 8 23 Turf War 6986 Toby Now, we're actually a lot closer to Binghamton than you are. Kimosabe.
47094 8 23 Turf War 6987 Toby I like to think Lloyd Gross is a no-nonsense guy who doesn't back down from anybody. And he calls people "Kimosabe".
47095 8 23 Turf War 6988 Harry They're New York. We're New York. Sate line is the dividing line. That's the way it's always been.
47096 8 23 Turf War 6988 Jim There's actually not a rule that says that.
47097 8 23 Turf War 6988 Dwight That's true.
47098 8 23 Turf War 6988 Toby That's true. There's no rule. You can check the employee handbook. Oh, can I check the employee handbook Lloyd? Well, does it say anything about me choking a man with my bare hands?
47099 8 23 Turf War 6988 Toby No.
47100 8 23 Turf War 6988 Dwight Wait, no? Are you kidding me? You told me there was a rule. I could've choked so many people by now.
47101 8 23 Turf War 6988 Harry Stay out of my state. It's in your best interest to stay out of my state.
47102 8 23 Turf War 6988 Toby I've seen guys like you. Big guys who like to push the little guys around. Lloyd Gross eats bullies like you for breakfast.
47103 8 23 Turf War 6988 Harry Just stay out of New York, Lloyd.
47104 8 23 Turf War 6988 Toby Hey, text from the old wife. Gonna take that.
47105 8 23 Turf War 6988 Jim How about this? How about we just ask Robert? Can we all agree that maybe the C.E.O should decide this?
47106 8 23 Turf War 6988 Harry Robert's here. Look at us. Bickering like schoolgirls, looking around the room for things to hit each other with. I don't think we were doing that.
47107 8 23 Turf War 6988 Dwight Chair, lamp, plant, table leg, Jim's leg.
47108 8 23 Turf War 6989 Robert Where's the Advil, Jim? I think I've hit my limit on the Tylenol ⓠOh.
47109 8 23 Turf War 6989 Andy Sorry, not Jim.
47110 8 23 Turf War 6989 Robert Andrew, what do we have to do to get rid of you? Hire you back and send Erin back to Florida?
47111 8 23 Turf War 6989 Andy Message received loud and clear. Just have to get the caramelized sugar off the pan before it dries.
47112 8 23 Turf War 6989 Robert Oh, for god â“
47113 8 23 Turf War 6989 Harry Robert California. What a surprise you're here in Scranton.
47114 8 23 Turf War 6989 Robert Harry...
47115 8 23 Turf War 6989 Harry So why would you close Binghamton down without a transition plan in place?
47116 8 23 Turf War 6989 Robert How do you mean?
47117 8 23 Turf War 6989 Andy I forgot, a... a pan, uh â“
47118 8 23 Turf War 6989 Harry No, no, no, no, no, kid, stay there, do your dishes, go ahead.
47119 8 23 Turf War 6989 Robert Harry there is a time for every decision, predetermined many years ago. There's no benefit in questioning why this particular decision seems... so poorly timed.
47120 8 23 Turf War 6989 Dwight Okay, what are you deciding? We get a say.
47121 8 23 Turf War 6989 Harry Listen, Robert, I don't have time. There's a big client in play. Prestige direct mail solutions â“
47122 8 23 Turf War 6989 Dwight Don't listen to him.
47123 8 23 Turf War 6989 Harry Used to be Binghamton's â“
47124 8 23 Turf War 6989 Dwight Nope.
47125 8 23 Turf War 6989 Harry I want it, it's mine.
47126 8 23 Turf War 6989 Dwight Prestige is ours. Okay, they're responsible for half of the junk mail on the eastern seaboard. We get them. We already put a call into them, Robert.
47127 8 23 Turf War 6989 Harry We need you to make a decision.
47128 8 23 Turf War 6989 Dwight Make a decision.
47129 8 23 Turf War 6989 Robert I have decided. Neither of you are to have any contact with either Prestige or any other Binghamton client until I have figured out how to divide things up. As Solomon once said...
47130 8 23 Turf War 6990 Andy Some bizarre energy in this place today. Robert is going off the rails, making some funky decisions. Like why is nobody gonna call on Prestige? That is a huge client. I mean, they could give their business to the first person to walk in the door. Could be any idiot. Any idiot at all.
47131 8 23 Turf War 6991 Robert Shaping a company is, in a sense, similar to training a geisha. You have to mold not merely the physical form, but also the character. The two must harmonize. Are they still there? They want a decision who gets the big client. Well, they can wait. I'll still be talking about geishas long past their bedtime. You know, I trained as one.
47132 8 23 Turf War 6992 Harry Is it just me or is our boss a freakin' weirdo? I'm gonna get some air.
47133 8 23 Turf War 6992 Dwight Jim, you know what would be really dastardly? If we snuck out of here and got to the client first.
47134 8 23 Turf War 6992 Jim He's running!
47135 8 23 Turf War 6992 Dwight Damn it!
47136 8 23 Turf War 6992 Jim Damn it.
47137 8 23 Turf War 6993 Dwight Wha ⓠwhat is this supposed to be?
47138 8 23 Turf War 6993 Jim It's a monkey.
47139 8 23 Turf War 6993 Dwight Jim, great real. This is not a monkey. It's got a hula skirt and a blue nose.
47140 8 23 Turf War 6993 Jim Hold on, hold on. Is this him?
47141 8 23 Turf War 6993 Dwight What?
47142 8 23 Turf War 6993 Jim Is that him?
47143 8 23 Turf War 6993 Dwight It's him! Do something! Get out!
47144 8 23 Turf War 6993 Jim What? What am I gonna do? I don't â“
47145 8 23 Turf War 6993 Dwight Go slash his tires! Go dent his hood. That's it? Oh, that's great. That's like a five second delay.
47146 8 23 Turf War 6993 Jim Dwight!
47147 8 23 Turf War 6993 Dwight Come on, let's go! Does this thing have turbo? Nitrous? Hit the nos.
47148 8 23 Turf War 6993 Jim Nos? You mean like in fast and furious?
47149 8 23 Turf War 6993 Dwight Yeah.
47150 8 23 Turf War 6993 Jim Oh, yeah, definitely have nos.
47151 8 23 Turf War 6993 Dwight Hit the nos.
47152 8 23 Turf War 6993 Jim Are you sure?
47153 8 23 Turf War 6993 Dwight Yes.
47154 8 23 Turf War 6993 Jim Brace yourself. 3... 2...
47155 8 23 Turf War 6993 Dwight Got it. Go.
47156 8 23 Turf War 6993 Jim 1. Here we go!
47157 8 23 Turf War 6994 Andy Hello. Andy Bernard to see the C.E.O.
47158 8 23 Turf War 6994 Receptionist Oh, do you have an appointment?
47159 8 23 Turf War 6994 Andy No, I do not.
47160 8 23 Turf War 6994 Receptionist Okay, I think I can squeeze you in.
47161 8 23 Turf War 6994 Andy Seriously? â˜Cause I could just be anyone. I mean, I thought I was gonna have to convince you.
47162 8 23 Turf War 6994 Receptionist He's really not that busy.
47163 8 23 Turf War 6994 Mr. Ramish Is there someone here to see me?
47164 8 23 Turf War 6994 Receptionist Yes, this man.
47165 8 23 Turf War 6994 Mr. Ramish Come on in.
47166 8 23 Turf War 6995 Pam So...what do you make of this Robert California guy? I mean, what does a guy like that do on an average weeknight?
47167 8 23 Turf War 6995 Nellie Oh. Oh, I'll tell you what he does.
47168 8 23 Turf War 6995 Angela Hello! Hello, my clucking hens. Got room for another in the roost? Huh? Don't worry, I won't lay an egg.
47169 8 23 Turf War 6996 Angela Robert sent me to take over if Pam fails. If?
47170 8 23 Turf War 6997 Angela I have been crunching numbers all day. Math is for boys. I need girl talk.
47171 8 23 Turf War 6997 Gabe Did someone say girl talk?
47172 8 23 Turf War 6998 Gabe Sometimes I wonder if I have ovaries in my scrotum, because I am great at girl talk.
47173 8 23 Turf War 6999 Gabe Have you guys been watching any good Korean soap operas? I'm pretty deep into Hee-Jungcinderella girl. Although, I definitely fast-forward through the young-Tae storylines.
47174 8 23 Turf War 6999 Nellie Do you think I'd like that, or is it important to have an Asian fetish?
47175 8 23 Turf War 6999 Gabe Uh, I think you're gonna need to have an Asian fetish. Yeah. It'll be upsetting if you don't.
47176 8 23 Turf War 7000 Andy I'm a former paper executive. I know the product. I know the margins. I can save you 25% on your costs.
47177 8 23 Turf War 7000 Mr. Ramish Why haven't I heard of you? You got any references?
47178 8 23 Turf War 7000 Andy No. I'm a rogue.
47179 8 23 Turf War 7000 Mr. Ramish Uh-huh.
47180 8 23 Turf War 7000 Andy Which is the best part. That means you will be my first customer and your business will get 100% of my attention. Now... I have written down my personal phone number. You call this anytime.
47181 8 23 Turf War 7000 Mr. Ramish Every salesman I've ever met has given me his personal phone number.
47182 8 23 Turf War 7000 Andy Of course they have. Which is why I'm giving you a key to my house. Whatever you need ⓠanytime, night or day ⓠyou just stop on by.
47183 8 23 Turf War 7000 Mr. Ramish You want me to drive to your house if I need paper.
47184 8 23 Turf War 7000 Andy Maybe you just want someone to talk to. Maybe... you need a place to crash for a couple of days. My wireless password is eat pray love. Easy to remember.
47185 8 23 Turf War 7001 Dwight Ready? Go! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
47186 8 23 Turf War 7001 Dwight Ahhh!
47187 8 23 Turf War 7001 Jim You all right?
47188 8 23 Turf War 7001 Dwight Yeah. Oh.
47189 8 23 Turf War 7001 Jim Ah!
47190 8 23 Turf War 7001 Jim Dwight, what are you doing?
47191 8 23 Turf War 7001 Dwight Go, go! Take the stairs! Now!
47192 8 23 Turf War 7001 Jim What are you talking about?
47193 8 23 Turf War 7001 Dwight Just run! Take the stairs!
47194 8 23 Turf War 7001 Jim I don't even know where the stairs are!
47195 8 23 Turf War 7001 Dwight I'll stall him. Go!
47196 8 23 Turf War 7001 Jim God!
47197 8 23 Turf War 7001 Harry What are you doing?
47198 8 23 Turf War 7001 Dwight I'm gonna activate the seismic failsafe. We'll be stuck between floors for hours. Oh. My pants fell down.
47199 8 23 Turf War 7001 Jim What?
47200 8 23 Turf War 7001 Dwight My pants fell down! I don't have a belt!
47201 8 23 Turf War 7002 Dwight Hello, sir. Good day. Dwight K. Schrute. Dunder Mifflin, Scranton. Forgive my pants, they fell down. An appointment with Mr. Ramish, please. Right now is fine. No, no, no, I was here first. Dwight K. Schrute. Dunder Mifflin, Scranton.
47202 8 23 Turf War 7002 Mr. Ramish What's going on?
47203 8 23 Turf War 7002 Dwight Well â“
47204 8 23 Turf War 7002 Harry Mr. Ramish, Harry Jannerone. Dunder Mifflin, Syracuse â“
47205 8 23 Turf War 7002 Dwight I was here first.
47206 8 23 Turf War 7002 Mr. Ramish Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, okay.
47207 8 23 Turf War 7002 Dwight I already made an appointment... with your secretary.
47208 8 23 Turf War 7002 Mr. Ramish Let me stop you all right here. I've already picked a new paper supplier.
47209 8 23 Turf War 7002 Dwight Wait, it's not D.M Utica, is it?
47210 8 23 Turf War 7002 Mr. Ramish No, no, it's not Dunder Mifflin at all actually. It's... Big Red Paper Company.
47211 8 23 Turf War 7002 Jim Big Red Paper Company?
47212 8 23 Turf War 7002 Mr. Ramish Mm-hmm.
47213 8 23 Turf War 7003 Andy Yes, yes, yes!
47214 8 23 Turf War 7004 Harry Give me a cup of coffee.
47215 8 23 Turf War 7004 Dwight Me too. Or do you also have a monopoly on thirst?
47216 8 23 Turf War 7004 Jim All right, guys. It didn't work out for any of us, so... we're still on the same team. Let me get these.
47217 8 23 Turf War 7004 Dwight No. Let him get his own. It's Syracuse money.
47218 8 23 Turf War 7004 Harry You know, your partner's got a lotta attitude. But I like that. How long you guys been dating?
47219 8 23 Turf War 7004 Dwight Jim couldn't land me in a thousand years.
47220 8 23 Turf War 7004 Jim But you're saying there's a chance.
47221 8 23 Turf War 7004 Dwight Shut up.
47222 8 23 Turf War 7005 Pam Hey.
47223 8 23 Turf War 7005 Robert Hmm.
47224 8 23 Turf War 7005 Pam I stole Nellie's phone.
47225 8 23 Turf War 7005 Robert Excellent. Excellent. Though troubling that your first instinct is thievery.
47226 8 23 Turf War 7005 Pam What do you want from me?
47227 8 23 Turf War 7005 Robert Now we get to the bottom of Nellie's "yes, yes, yes, yes, never."
47228 8 23 Turf War 7005 Phone Hi, Nell, it's mom. Do keep your chin up. It can't be as bad as you described.
47229 8 23 Turf War 7005 Robert Oh yes it can.
47230 8 23 Turf War 7005 Phone This is MasterCard. You are over the limit. Send the minimum payment of $448 by Monday, or we will be forced to send it to collections.
47231 8 23 Turf War 7005 Robert Shopaholic.
47232 8 23 Turf War 7005 Pam Sounds like it.
47233 8 23 Turf War 7005 Robert Yeah.
47234 8 23 Turf War 7005 Phone Hi, sis. Is your boss still hitting on you?
47235 8 23 Turf War 7005 Robert Ah.
47236 8 23 Turf War 7005 Phone This is Annie from second nests. I'm sorry, but the Romanian orphanage felt more comfortable with a two-person nuclear family than a single mother, so, we're gonna hold out for that.
47237 8 23 Turf War 7005 Pam Okay, that's enough.
47238 8 23 Turf War 7005 Robert Pam, we need to get to the bottom of this.
47239 8 23 Turf War 7005 Pam No, no, no!
47240 8 23 Turf War 7005 Robert No, come on.
47241 8 23 Turf War 7005 Pam Robert! Okay, oops! I deleted them all. They're all deleted.
47242 8 23 Turf War 7005 Robert Pam, Pam, you've completely bungled this!
47243 8 23 Turf War 7005 Pam Ah. Ahh.
47244 8 23 Turf War 7006 Pam Hey.
47245 8 23 Turf War 7006 Nellie Can I do it, Pam? Can I put off a gold Arabian sandal?
47246 8 23 Turf War 7006 Pam Um... yes. Definitely. With your hair â“
47247 8 23 Turf War 7006 Nellie Oh!
47248 8 23 Turf War 7006 Pam Certainly. Um... you dropped your cell phone.
47249 8 23 Turf War 7006 Nellie Oh, gosh.
47250 8 23 Turf War 7006 Pam Yep.
47251 8 23 Turf War 7006 Nellie Thank you. I'm... so stupid.
47252 8 23 Turf War 7006 Pam No. My goodness. You have a lot going on. With Robert and everything.
47253 8 23 Turf War 7006 Nellie Oh, god, Pam. Don't get me started.
47254 8 23 Turf War 7006 Pam No, I will not.
47255 8 23 Turf War 7006 Nellie You've just got me started. Robert... is... a filthy beast. I mean, don't you get the feeling, he's just thinking of fifteen different ways to do you?
47256 8 23 Turf War 7006 Pam Well â“
47257 8 23 Turf War 7006 Nellie I mean, the man talks of nothing but s*x.
47258 8 23 Turf War 7006 Pam But sometimes he talks about flesh... and bacchanals.
47259 8 23 Turf War 7006 Nellie I cannot even tell you what he left on my phone last night.
47260 8 23 Turf War 7006 Pam No... don't. Just put it out of your mind.
47261 8 23 Turf War 7006 Nellie Pam, what is your address? I'm gonna send you a pair of these gold harem shoes. Oh, no. You don't â“
47262 8 23 Turf War 7006 Nellie Oh yes. Come on, a little gold Arabian slipper.
47263 8 23 Turf War 7007 Nellie Things are looking up. I might be a mother soon. I have MasterCard right where I want them. And... I have a new friend. A friend. At work.
47264 8 23 Turf War 7008 Robert Erin.
47265 8 23 Turf War 7008 Erin There's a call for you on line one.
47266 8 23 Turf War 7008 Robert Who is it?
47267 8 23 Turf War 7008 Erin He says salvation. No last name.
47268 8 23 Turf War 7008 Robert Yeah, hello?
47269 8 23 Turf War 7008 Andy You once put me on a list of the losers in the office. Well, this loser just got your biggest client to give him all their business. So hire me back, that business is yours. Don't, and I will find another buyer.
47270 8 23 Turf War 7008 Robert You're blackmailing me.
47271 8 23 Turf War 7008 Andy It's just business.
47272 8 23 Turf War 7008 Robert Ah, well, I will not be blackmailed by some ineffectual, privileged, effete, soft-penised debutante. You wanna start a street fight with me, bring it on. You're gonna be surprised by how ugly it gets. You don't even know my real name. I'm the *bleep* lizard king.
47273 8 23 Turf War 7008 Andy Whoa. Well I gave him a chance.
47274 8 23 Turf War 7008 David Andy Bernard.
47275 8 23 Turf War 7008 Andy You got a minute?
47276 8 23 Turf War 7008 David Um... I'm in the middle of a piano lesson.
47277 8 23 Turf War 7008 Andy I wanted to see if I could interest you in an investment. Dunder Mifflin.
47278 8 23 Turf War 7008 David Dunder Mifflin. Now... why would I want that? It's worth half of what it was three years ago.
47279 8 23 Turf War 7008 Andy Exactly. And you know better than anyone that with the right management it could be worth twice what you would pay for it today.
47280 8 23 Turf War 7008 David Why don't you come in?
47281 8 23 Turf War 7009 Harry So what would you do if you weren't selling paper?
47282 8 23 Turf War 7009 Jim Oh, man, I'd have to sell beets. Probably submit them for competitions.
47283 8 23 Turf War 7009 Dwight What?
47284 8 23 Turf War 7009 Jim Yeah! I know it sounds stupid, but nationals has always kinda been a dream of mine.
47285 8 23 Turf War 7009 Dwight How have we never talked about this before? Wait. You don't even care about nationals.
47286 8 23 Turf War 7009 Harry Nothing?
47287 8 23 Turf War 7009 Jim I don't know. I've always wanted to own a bike shop, but what about you?
47288 8 23 Turf War 7009 Harry I'd like to sell one big thing, you know? Like... a plane. One sale, I'm out.
47289 8 23 Turf War 7009 Jim That sounds lovely.
47290 8 23 Turf War 7009 Harry Anyway, Robert's gonna run this company into the ground, so... We won't be doing this in six months.
47291 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7010 Oscar Hello. My name's Oscar. I'm an accountant in Scranton, Pennsylvania and I'm gay. And I'm here to tell you that yes- it does get better. When I was younger, um-
47292 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7010 Phyllis What's he doing?
47293 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7010 Dwight He's searching out younger gays.
47294 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7010 Phyllis Oh.
47295 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7010 Oscar No, it's just a way to tell young people, no matter how hard it gets for them, there's a brighter future ahead.
47296 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7010 Dwight ...with you.
47297 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7010 Oscar No matter how hard it gets for you, eh- Kelly, seriously, I-
47298 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7010 Kelly Just keep chatting. I'm just checking my makeup in your webcam.
47299 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7010 Oscar Do you not own a mirror?
47300 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7010 Kelly Webcams make me look the way I do in my fantasies.
47301 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7010 Pam I know, right? What is it? You always look so good in those things.
47302 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7010 Kelly I'm throwing out all my mirrors.
47303 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7010 Oscar Okay, as you can see, I now have a cool job at a dynamic workplace. Being gay is a celebration of life, it's a simple-
47304 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7010 Robert No, I'm sorry, I just can't sit idly by and have the gay youth of America misled by some reductionist-
47305 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7010 Oscar It's not misleading.
47306 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7010 Robert -pep talk. Sexuality is a spectrum. It's a paradox to think of any sexual activity as "normal." It gets better but it also gets vastly more complicated.
47307 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7010 Kevin Hey, Robert, that guy, he looks just like you. Ooh!
47308 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7010 Robert Ow! Damn it, Kevin! God!
47309 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7010 Dwight You okay, Robert?
47310 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7010 Robert Fine.
47311 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7010 Dwight Put some ice on it.
47312 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7010 Oscar In any case, it gets better. Maybe- maybe not much better... but better.
47313 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7011 Sasha One, two, three!
47314 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7012 Dwight I wanted to give a nice gift to the tenants in the building. At first I thought, "muffin basket." Then I thought, "What's even more precious to people than muffins?"
47315 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7013 Jake Can you just smile, please?
47316 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7013 Meredith I don't want to!
47317 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7014 Dwight ...their own children.
47318 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7015 Dwight Hey everybody, just a few hours left for the free family portrait studio. Darryl. We'd love to see little Jada come by. Angela? Why don't you bring by your little angel?
47319 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7015 Angela No thank you.
47320 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7015 Dwight Jim, you've got those two cute kids. We sure would love to see them.
47321 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7015 Jim I know why you're doing this, Dwight.
47322 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7016 Jim Last week, I may have gone too far. I'll explain it quickly. Basically, I found out where he gets his clothes dry-cleaned. Custom ordered the same suit, made with tear-away Velcro. And... you can fill in the rest.
47323 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7017 Dwight Wha-? Damn it, Jim!
47324 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7018 Jim Now he's trying to get me to bring my children in to work. I think it's fair to be cautious.
47325 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7019 Darryl Let me get this straight. You lost all of it. All your winnings. A hundred and fifty thousand dollars.
47326 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7019 Hide Bad economy. Bad investment.
47327 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7019 Darryl You mean to tell me no one wanted an energy drink for Asian homosexuals?
47328 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7019 Calvin They did not.
47329 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7019 Darryl And you got half a million of these? Well I gotta try it.
47330 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7019 Calvin I wouldn't.
47331 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7019 Darryl Aw, come on. What's the harm? Mmm. What flavor was that?
47332 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7019 Hide Coconut pen1s.
47333 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7019 Darryl The coconut's pretty subtle.
47334 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7019 Calvin Come on, man. Can't you just give us a yes or a no?
47335 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7019 Darryl I don't know, man. Y'all quit with a lot of confidence. I mean, it was like, y'all came up in here dancing and everybody was- ooh, hold on a second. Oh.
47336 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7020 Darryl If I were Val, I would break up with Brandon. Then I would date the hell out of me. I wouldn't give in to me too fast, let me buy myself some nice dinners and such. But when I finally did give in, I would go crazy on myself.
47337 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7021 Andy Hi guys.
47338 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7021 Jim How's it going, man?
47339 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7021 Andy I'm- I'm good, thank you. And how are you?
47340 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7021 Jim Great, yeah, good.
47341 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7021 Gabe Oh, how the mediocre have fallen.
47342 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7021 Nellie Oh God.
47343 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7021 Andy Look, I'm not here to get my old job back. I had my opportunity, I blew it, I'm moving on. I just wanted to come in here and literally beg you for something, anything. I will sweep the floors, water the plants...
47344 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7021 Nellie No, you don't understand-
47345 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7021 Andy Clean the toilets.
47346 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7021 Nellie I don't need anyone to-
47347 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7021 Andy Pull the poop out of the toilets.
47348 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7021 Nellie That's not even a thing.
47349 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7021 Andy Just, please...
47350 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7021 Nellie Andy.
47351 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7021 Andy Please!
47352 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7021 Nellie Andy.
47353 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7021 Andy Give me something!
47354 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7021 Nellie Why don't you clean the carpets for today?
47355 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7021 Andy Thank you.
47356 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7021 Nellie You're welcome. Up you get then. Pick yourself up. There it is.
47357 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7021 Andy Thank you.
47358 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7021 Nellie You don't need to-
47359 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7022 Andy I have a delicious secret.
47360 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7023 Creed Good, good. This carpet's overdue for a good mopping.
47361 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7023 Jim Is a mop the most efficient tool to use on a carpet?
47362 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7023 Andy Yeah, it is actually.
47363 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7024 Andy Mmm, I can't hold it in any longer. Um, I am faking this, okay? Because I convinced David Wallace to buy Dunder Mifflin back from Sabre. And at three o'clock today he's gonna walk in here and reinstate me as manager.
47364 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7025 Pam Family picture!
47365 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7025 Jim Pam? No!
47366 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7025 Pam What? Honey, we talked about this.
47367 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7025 Jim No, we talked about not bringing them in to Dwight's photo studio slash trap.
47368 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7025 Pam Yes, and then we decided that was crazy.
47369 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7025 Jim No, we decided it was crazy not to worry about it.
47370 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7025 Pam No, we settled in a much more rational place, remember?
47371 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7025 Jim Nope.
47372 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7025 Pam We decided that there's no way Dwight would harm a child.
47373 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7025 Jim But are you a hundred percent sure? I don't think any of us are.
47374 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7025 Pam No, no.
47375 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7025 Jim Nope.
47376 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7025 Pam But it's free. And we'll keep our eye on them.
47377 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7025 Jim That's-
47378 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7025 Pam Yes!
47379 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7025 Jim That's-
47380 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7025 Pam And we'll make sure Dwight doesn't do anything C-R-A-Z-Y.
47381 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7025 Jim Okay.
47382 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7025 Kevin Wait, C-R-A-Z...
47383 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7026 Dwight Great, right up there.
47384 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7026 Pam Yeah?
47385 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7026 Jim Yeah. You just sit right here. Here we go.
47386 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7026 Pam Okay.
47387 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7026 Jim Alright. Why don't you just-
47388 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7026 Pam Oh, great. Thank you.
47389 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7026 Jim #NAME?
47390 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7026 Pam Okay.
47391 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7026 Jim This is great.
47392 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7026 Pam You ready?
47393 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7026 Jim Excuse me.
47394 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7026 Pam There we go.
47395 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7026 Jim Just do it.
47396 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7026 Pam I'll just stand here?
47397 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7026 Jim Yeah, just keep your eye on Dwight, great.
47398 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7026 Photographer Sir, could you look into the camera?
47399 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7026 Jim Let's do it, shoot it.
47400 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7026 Photographer Sir.
47401 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7026 Jim Great.
47402 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7026 Dwight Up here.
47403 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7026 Jim Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
47404 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7026 Dwight Jim, right here, right here. Okay, good.
47405 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7026 Jim Oh, so that's it?
47406 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7026 Dwight That's it.
47407 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7026 Pam See? That wasn't so hard.
47408 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7026 Dwight Cute kids, thanks for coming.
47409 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7027 Senator Lipton Hello, Erin. Hello, everybody.
47410 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7027 Angela Uh, what? Why? Uh, hi honey. What- how are you doing?
47411 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7027 Senator Lipton Hi, you know, my office got a call that they were shooting family portraits right here. And if there's one thing that every politician instinctively understands, it's a good photo op.
47412 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7027 Phyllis Yeah.
47413 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7027 Angela Heh.
47414 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7027 Erin Okay, you're going to go through the hallway. Here's a map. And if you get lost, just follow the blue line.
47415 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7027 Senator Lipton Thanks.
47416 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7028 Dwight Well, well, well. Senator Lipton, welcome. Angela.
47417 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7028 Angela Dwight.
47418 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7028 Dwight Nice to see you. May I hold him?
47419 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7028 Senator Lipton Sure.
47420 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7028 Angela No. I am going to hold him because I haven't seen him all day.
47421 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7029 Angela I think that Dwight is doing this whole thing to, um, get a sample of my baby's DNA to prove he's the father. Which... is impossible... because the senator is the only man I've ever been with.
47422 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7030 Angela See the duckie!
47423 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7030 Dwight Okay, hold on for a second, folks. A few of the baby's hairs are out of place.
47424 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7030 Senator Lipton Oh, thank you.
47425 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7030 Angela No. No. I like the baby's hair the way it is.
47426 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7030 Dwight Really?
47427 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7031 Andy This is getting more and more delicious by the minute. It's go time.
47428 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7032 Andy Hey Nellie, I made soup - I made you some soup.
47429 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7032 Nellie Well, I don't want any soup.
47430 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7032 Andy But it's really good- Oh!
47431 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7032 Nellie Oh come on, Andy!
47432 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7033 Erin I know this is going to be a great payoff.
47433 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7033 Andy A delicious moment.
47434 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7033 Erin But after you're manager, some of these images are going to be hard to shake.
47435 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7033 Andy Well, but it-
47436 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7033 Erin Just calibrate. Okay? Calibrate.
47437 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7034 Dwight Okay, here we go. Oh, you know what? I don't want to throw a wrench in the works, but I want everything to be perfect and the baby's fingernails are just bothering me-
47438 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7034 Angela Uh-uh, leave us alone.
47439 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7034 Senator Lipton I guess we're okay with the fingernails.
47440 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7034 Dwight Okay, great. Suit yourself. Although, are those excess skin cells on the baby's cheek distracting to you as well?
47441 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7034 Angela Dwight, we're fine!
47442 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7034 Senator Lipton Oopsie, did somebody make a boopsie?
47443 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7034 Angela Oh no.
47444 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7034 Senator Lipton I'm just gonna take him out and change him just for a second.
47445 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7034 Dwight He defecated, aw.
47446 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7034 Senator Lipton You're stinky.
47447 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7035 Darryl A lot has changed since y'all left, okay? You're gonna have to jump through some hoops. And the new foreman is here. Now she's one of the best we've ever known, okay? So I need you to show her your upmost respect. Make sure she feels welcome and at home, okay? Can you do that?
47448 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7035 Brandon That's some pretty blatant complementing you're doing there, man. I don't even talk to her like that.
47449 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7035 Val Uh, Brandon?
47450 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7035 Darryl I would.
47451 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7035 Brandon You would?
47452 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7035 Darryl Yeah.
47453 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7035 Brandon Sounds like you're trying to hit on my girlfriend.
47454 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7035 Val Calm down, he's not.
47455 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7035 Darryl Yes, I am. Just so everyone's on the same page.
47456 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7035 Brandon So you really think she's gonna leave a guy who owns his own restaurant for a dude who ate his own restaurant?
47457 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7035 Val Brandon!
47458 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7035 Darryl Good slam.
47459 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7035 Brandon Thank you, Biggie.
47460 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7035 Darryl Good luck to you.
47461 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7035 Brandon Oh, and have a burger for me.
47462 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7036 Senator Lipton Okay, shall we take a few more?
47463 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7036 Angela I think we have all the shots we need. Thank you, Dwight.
47464 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7036 Senator Lipton Okay. There we go.
47465 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7037 Angela No! Dwight! Give me the diaper! Dwight!
47466 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7038 Dwight Is this what you were looking for? Huh? Huh?
47467 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Toby Andy, we wanted to talk to you. A lot of us are very concerned about you.
47468 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Nellie You're dirty, you stink of booze, you're limping inexplicably.
47469 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Andy I just want you guys not to worry. 'Cause old Andy's gonna be just fine.
47470 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Jim No, no, see? This is what we're talking about. I mean, what was that accent? And last time I checked, you were drunk and now you're not drunk...
47471 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Erin No, unfortunately it's true. He's been a nightmare. And the worst part is, he's been taking it out on me.
47472 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Nellie What?
47473 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Pam You hit her?
47474 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Andy No. That is not the deal. Calibrate.
47475 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Erin He's not hitting me. But, he's been verbally abusing me-
47476 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Andy That's not true either! That's also total- Everyone, please relax. I think you're gonna like this surprise guest.
47477 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Gabe Happy birthday to Gabe!
47478 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Nellie Oh, get out, skeleton man!
47479 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Toby I can refer you to someone to talk to.
47480 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Andy Huh? Hold on.
47481 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Toby Give you a name or-
47482 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Andy I just gonna- quick- Hello? Hey, what's the scoop? Are you close? What? No. no, no, no, no, no. You have to come now. Traffic clears? No, next Friday... that's not gonna work. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Damn it! Well, this is not going to be quite as delicious as I wanted, but I do have a very tasty announcement for you guys. Not only am I not a lowly janitor, I am the regional manager once again! Guys, I got my old job back!
47483 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Jim Oh boy.
47484 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Pam Oh, Andy.
47485 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Oscar What?
47486 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Andy I'm not crazy. I convinced David Wallace to give me my job back.
47487 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Oscar David Wallace hasn't worked here in years.
47488 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Andy Okay, yes, I see the confusion. I saw David at the fundraiser. He is now a multi-millionaire because he sold his toy vacuum "Suck It" to the U.S. military.
47489 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Jim Andy, come on.
47490 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Kevin Even I know that's weird.
47491 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Andy I- I- Okay, I get how that sounds crazy.
47492 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Toby Hey, Andy, Nobody's calling you crazy, Andy. We're your friends, Andy.
47493 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Andy Stop saying my name.
47494 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Erin No, he's not making this up.
47495 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Andy Thank you, Erin.
47496 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Erin Andy tells me about seeing David Wallace all the time.
47497 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Pam But have you ever actually seen him yourself?
47498 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Erin Oh my God.
47499 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Andy Erin, come- Come on. You know I've been talking to David Wallace.
47500 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7039 Toby Do you see David Wallace in the room right now?
47501 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7040 Dwight Operation Phoenix is a go. Just get the car ready.
47502 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7041 Kelly Now you look at me like you're adoring me, I'm gonna look at the camera like I don't even know you're there.
47503 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7041 Ravi I do adore you.
47504 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7042 Robert Andrew, it's time for you to go home. You're better than this.
47505 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7042 Andy Yeah, I know.
47506 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7042 Robert Everyone's better than this, because this is the worst thing I have ever seen. Why'd they add coconut? I miss original.
47507 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7042 Jim Hey.
47508 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7042 Others Hey!
47509 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7042 David Hey guys, long time.
47510 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7042 Pam David, what are you doing here?
47511 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7042 Phyllis Is it true you're buying the company?
47512 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7042 David Okay, I guess the word is out. Uh, please keep this a secret, but yes, I've been talking with Andy-
47513 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7042 Andy What? Thought I heard my name. What? I'm the new manager?
47514 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7042 David I'll get to that in a second, Andy.
47515 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7042 Andy But it's- it is- it is me? Right?
47516 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7042 David Yes, as we've discussed-
47517 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7042 Andy What?
47518 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7042 David But it's very possible-
47519 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7042 Andy Oh my God!
47520 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7042 David Probable.
47521 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7042 Andy Wow. From janitor to manager?
47522 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7042 David Yep.
47523 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7042 Andy That's quite a Cinderella story. From M-O-P to M-V-P.
47524 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7042 David There's an official announcement, a few details to be-
47525 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7042 Andy From total loss to total boss, I mean-
47526 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7042 Stanley Can we expect any payroll interruptions?
47527 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7042 David Now that is a great question, Stanley. Right now I think all your operations or most of your operations are pretty much down in Florida, so to shift back up-
47528 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7043 Andy I was so looking forward to that and it did not... go as I thought it would.
47529 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7044 Phyllis So we're not gonna be a part of Sabre anymore?
47530 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7044 David Actually, nothing is gonna be a part of Sabre anymore. Jo Bennett's planning on liquidating the rest of the company.
47531 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7044 Robert Oof. Wouldn't wanna be a Sabre employee right about now. I'm actually the CEO.
47532 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7044 David Ah, I didn't realize you were standing there.
47533 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7044 Robert Hey, my friend, trust me. This is for the best. I never understood that corporate mess.
47534 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7044 David Well, okay. Great to meet you.
47535 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7044 Robert Likewise, I'm Bob. Bob Kazamakis.
47536 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7044 David Pleasure.
47537 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7044 Robert I'd love to give you a little rundown on what I've learned about this place.
47538 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7044 David That's very gracious of you, Bob. I would love that.
47539 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7044 Robert Please.
47540 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7044 Andy Guess I'd better take off these dirty rags. Figure out how to be a manager of this place.
47541 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7044 Jim Perhaps your year of experience managing this branch will come in handy.
47542 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7044 Andy Gosh, I hope so.
47543 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7045 Angela No! God, Mose! God!
47544 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7045 Mose Hi, Angela.
47545 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7045 Angela Get out of the car! Get out! Where is he?
47546 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7045 Mose I'm not supposed to say.
47547 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7045 Angela Yes! Tell me! Tell me where he is! Mose, damn it! Where did he go? Mose! Get back here!
47548 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7046 Darryl Let's see that smile. Go on.
47549 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7046 Val Right here?
47550 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7046 Darryl Cool.
47551 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7047 Andy Looks like I might get my delicious moment after all.
47552 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7048 Nellie May I say one thing?
47553 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7048 Andy It would be rude of me not to let you say whatever's on your mind.
47554 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7048 Nellie The quality of mercy is not strained.
47555 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7048 Andy No.
47556 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7048 Nellie It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven upon the place beneath.
47557 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7048 Andy Do not bring Shakespeare into this. How dare you play the bard card?
47558 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7048 Nellie It blesseth he who gives and he who takes. 'Tis mightiest in the mightiest.
47559 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7049 Andy I just want one mother delicious moment. Is that too much to ask?
47560 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7050 Andy If I were to hire you back. If. What do you think you would do well?
47561 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7050 Nellie Special projects manager, that's my background. I just go around doing whatever I want.
47562 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7050 Andy All right, you sly b*st*rd. When can you start?
47563 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7051 David Okay everyone. I had a conversation with Bob, and since I am going to be CEO now there'll be no need for him.
47564 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7051 Meredith Ouch. That's gotta hurt!
47565 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7051 David But, he is going to be making so much money from the liquidation, he's gonna be freed up to do something much more important.
47566 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7051 Robert David has generously offered to donate one million dollars in matching funds to a cause that's very dear to me. So, for the next three years, I'll be travelling overseas, concentrating all of my efforts on educating- mentoring, some African, some Asian, but mainly Eastern European women.
47567 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7051 David I had no idea how pervasive this problem was until Bob explained it to me.
47568 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7051 Robert Oprah Winfrey's leadership academy and other schools like it, while wonderful, end with high school. I want to see these girls right through college, especially the gymnasts. They've lost so many years of crucial education to perfecting their bodies. Muscle groups the rest of us can't even fathom.
47569 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7051 Andy Gymnasts? You're going to seek out uneducated gymnasts?
47570 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7051 Robert Yeah, so I'm hoping to identify some truly exceptional women who show great promise. Well, Andy, it's been fun.
47571 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7051 Andy Mm. Mm-hmm.
47572 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7051 Robert It's been a great year.
47573 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7052 Dwight Hello.
47574 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7052 Angela Where is it?
47575 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7052 Dwight They're testing it now.
47576 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7052 Angela How long does it take to get the results?
47577 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7052 Dwight Seventy-two hours.
47578 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7052 Angela You're gonna wait here?
47579 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7052 Dwight Yes.
47580 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7052 Angela Dwight, I can't do this. Dwight!
47581 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7053 Senator Lipton Hey.
47582 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7053 Oscar Senator Lipton. Hey, how are you?
47583 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7053 Senator Lipton You didn't call.
47584 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7053 Oscar Um, well, uh, the issue that I- that concerned me...
47585 8 24 Free Family Portrait Studio 7053 Senator Lipton You know what this is about. Call.
47586 9 1 The New Guys 7054 Erin Andy's coming back today! Andy's coming back today! Ha! Andy's coming back today. David Wallace sent him on an outward bound wilderness adventure for a whole month to make him more decisive and confident. He sent his own son too. And the counselors said they both grew up, big time.
47587 9 1 The New Guys 7055 Dwight How was my summer? It was pretty mixed. I invented a new power drink made out of beet runoff. Mmm, mmm! So that's really good. But I got some disappointing medical news.
47588 9 1 The New Guys 7056 Doctor Mr. Schrute, the results are in. You are not the father.
47589 9 1 The New Guys 7056 Angela I told you
47590 9 1 The New Guys 7057 Kevin Oh, what a summer! An emotional roller-coaster. I ran over a turtle in the parking lot, but then I saved him by gluing his shell back together. But I'm not that good at puzzles.
47591 9 1 The New Guys 7058 Oscar That piece doesn't go there.
47592 9 1 The New Guys 7059 Kevin So I patched him with stuff from around the office. But I couldn't get the pieces to fit right. Then one day, when I was reaching for the glue, I crushed his shell again. But I rebuilt him even better that time. But it turned out the turtle was already day. Probably when I ran over him the first time.
47593 9 1 The New Guys 7060 Pam For us, um, nothing new, really the kids are great.
47594 9 1 The New Guys 7060 Jim You are really good at modesty. She's a genius. She painted this incredible mural in the kids' room. There's a hippo leading a parade of 500 childrenâ
47595 9 1 The New Guys 7060 Pam Kay, well, you had that interesting thing.
47596 9 1 The New Guys 7060 Jim Oh, yeah
47597 9 1 The New Guys 7060 Pam Yes, Jim's friend is starting anew company based on this idea Jim had when they were back in college.
47598 9 1 The New Guys 7060 Jim Its sports marketing basically. But the athletes are partners.
47599 9 1 The New Guys 7060 Pam And he wanted Jim to be a part of it too.
47600 9 1 The New Guys 7060 Jim In Philly, so, that doesn't really work for the family. Watch this guy make a billion dollars off my idea.
47601 9 1 The New Guys 7060 Pam He said if it takes off he's gonna buy us a new car.
47602 9 1 The New Guys 7060 Jim An Altima or better.
47603 9 1 The New Guys 7061 Toby Kelly Kapoor is gone. Her fiancé Ravi was hired as a pediatrics professor at Miami university.
47604 9 1 The New Guys 7061 Kelly I don't need em anymore. I am going to Miami biotches. To hang with Lebron James and Gloria Estefan.
47605 9 1 The New Guys 7062 Toby iami University in Ohio. On her last day, Kelly was still a little confused about it
47606 9 1 The New Guys 7063 Kelly Enjoy the snow losers.
47607 9 1 The New Guys 7063 Erin I'm so happy for you Kelly.
47608 9 1 The New Guys 7064 Toby Shortly after Kelly left, Ryan quit and also moved to Ohio, for what he claimed were unrelated reasons.
47609 9 1 The New Guys 7065 Ryan I've actually done a lot of market research and it actually turns out that southwestern Ohio is going to be the next Silicon Valley. They call it the Silicon Prairie. It's a big university town. And, uh, that's not garbage, it's out clothes.
47610 9 1 The New Guys 7066 Pam And that was our summer.
47611 9 1 The New Guys 7066 Jim we good?
47612 9 1 The New Guys 7066 Off-camera Yeah
47613 9 1 The New Guys 7066 Pam Don't you guys have everything. I mean, its just a paper company.
47614 9 1 The New Guys 7066 Off-camera Well we're more following you guys, to see how you turn out.
47615 9 1 The New Guys 7066 Pam Oh, yeah, because we were kind of dramatic in the beginning. Well I don't think anything's gonna change in our lives now. With work and two kids there's just-nothing interesting is going to happen for us in a long, long time.
47616 9 1 The New Guys 7067 Erin Andy's coming back today!
47617 9 1 The New Guys 7068 Clark Hey, uh, does anybody know where we throw these out?
47618 9 1 The New Guys 7068 Stanley Oh, my god. It's called a garbage can.
47619 9 1 The New Guys 7068 Phyllis Helpless.
47620 9 1 The New Guys 7069 Toby There's two new guys back there with me now. They're in their 20s. And we really get along.
47621 9 1 The New Guys 7070 Clark You're looking good.
47622 9 1 The New Guys 7071 Toby Just three single guys. Getting into trouble.
47623 9 1 The New Guys 7072 Stanley They're like the new Jim and Dwight.
47624 9 1 The New Guys 7072 Nellie Oh, yes, yes I see that! Perfect.
47625 9 1 The New Guys 7072 Meredith Hey, new Jim, come sit on my face.
47626 9 1 The New Guys 7072 Pete No thank you. My name's Pete.
47627 9 1 The New Guys 7073 Jim No, Pete is not the new Jim. The only we have in common is that neither of us wants to sit on Meredith's face. And if that makes him the new Jim, then every human being in the world is the new Jim.
47628 9 1 The New Guys 7074 Erin Andy's here! Old Dwight, new Dwight, Andy's here. New Jim, Tuna, Andy's here. Pam, he's here.
47629 9 1 The New Guys 7074 Andy Hey! Wow, I thought about this place a lot when I was on solo. Three days on a mountain, it'll change you. The things we think we need. Clocks, yeah right!
47630 9 1 The New Guys 7074 Nellie It sounds amazing, tell us all about it.
47631 9 1 The New Guys 7074 Andy What're you still doing here?
47632 9 1 The New Guys 7074 Nellie Wonderful, thanks.
47633 9 1 The New Guys 7074 Andy You know I had this really funny dream during Outward Bound that you died.
47634 9 1 The New Guys 7074 Nellie Brilliant.
47635 9 1 The New Guys 7074 Andy See me in my office later. The new guys, alright. It's Clark and, umâ
47636 9 1 The New Guys 7074 Pete Pete!
47637 9 1 The New Guys 7074 Andy In Outward Bound it was all about nicknames. They called me Iceman. You will be called Plop.
47638 9 1 The New Guys 7074 Pete What? Why?
47639 9 1 The New Guys 7074 Andy Cause you're always taking dumps.
47640 9 1 The New Guys 7074 Pete No I'm not.
47641 9 1 The New Guys 7074 Andy Come on, everybody defecates. Relax, Plop. And you will be called Fart cause you fart all the time.
47642 9 1 The New Guys 7074 Clark I love it.
47643 9 1 The New Guys 7074 Darryl Actually, Andy, we call this one Dwight, Jr.
47644 9 1 The New Guys 7074 Clark No, I prefer Fart.
47645 9 1 The New Guys 7074 Andy No, Dwight Jr. Infinitely better. You guys look exactly alike. Dwight go stand next to him. This is insane.
47646 9 1 The New Guys 7074 Dwight I don't see it.
47647 9 1 The New Guys 7074 Clark I don't either.
47648 9 1 The New Guys 7074 Andy Whoa! Mind blown. It's like father and son! Dwight, you cool if we call him Dwight Jr?
47649 9 1 The New Guys 7074 Dwight Yes, yes I am.
47650 9 1 The New Guys 7074 Andy Dwight, Jr!
47651 9 1 The New Guys 7075 Dwight In a way it's like I have a son. And who knows? Maybe someday they'll hire someone who looks like a younger version of him. And then I'll have a grandson.
47652 9 1 The New Guys 7076 Angela Well, I need to give my cat up for adoption.
47653 9 1 The New Guys 7076 Kevin The one who uses the doorbell, or the one with the Mexican hat, or the one with the rain galoshes, or the one you let go around naked?
47654 9 1 The New Guys 7077 Kevin Angela's cats are cute. So cute that you just want to eat them. But you can't eat cats. You can't eat cats, Kevin.
47655 9 1 The New Guys 7078 Angela No, the one with the long hair and the denim pants, Comstock! Ok, look . He's such a special kitty. I just want to find him a good home. He loves those pants
47656 9 1 The New Guys 7078 Kevin I'll take him.
47657 9 1 The New Guys 7078 Angela Please, after the turtle?
47658 9 1 The New Guys 7078 Kevin I am enormously proud of what I did for that turtle!
47659 9 1 The New Guys 7078 Angela Oscar, Oscar, will you take him?
47660 9 1 The New Guys 7078 Oscar No, I'm a dog person.
47661 9 1 The New Guys 7078 Angela If you pray enough, you can change yourself into a cat person.
47662 9 1 The New Guys 7078 Oscar Those guys always change back, Angela.
47663 9 1 The New Guys 7079 Andy David, outward bound was incredible. I was the best at slack lining, I ate a worm.
47664 9 1 The New Guys 7079 David Glad to hear it. You sound very confident and decisive.
47665 9 1 The New Guys 7079 Toby Hey you wanted to see me?
47666 9 1 The New Guys 7079 Andy Yeah, I gotta go David. Why is Nellie still here?
47667 9 1 The New Guys 7079 Toby You can only fire Nellie for cause.
47668 9 1 The New Guys 7079 Andy Mm, then I will make up a cause.
47669 9 1 The New Guys 7079 Toby Except you just told me you were gonna make it up. Now if she sues, I have to testify against you.
47670 9 1 The New Guys 7079 Andy Then forget I just told you that.
47671 9 1 The New Guys 7079 Toby Can't. I took a course at the Weintraub Memory Academy. I sat next to this woman named Beverly Brook. She had a Greek salad for lunch. See what I mean?
47672 9 1 The New Guys 7079 Andy Now I know why Michael hated you so much.
47673 9 1 The New Guys 7080 Dwight Good boy, getting big and strong. Snack foods!
47674 9 1 The New Guys 7080 Clark Yep, body by Cheez-it
47675 9 1 The New Guys 7080 Dwight Ah, humor. I have it too. I have a couple tickets to the slayer concert 10 months from now. You interested?
47676 9 1 The New Guys 7080 Clark I think I'm busy that night. Or I would.
47677 9 1 The New Guys 7080 Dwight Well, we're both just kinda learning as we go, aren't we?
47678 9 1 The New Guys 7080 Clark Learning what?
47679 9 1 The New Guys 7080 Dwight Just how this going to be, you know? You have a beautiful round head.
47680 9 1 The New Guys 7080 Clark Kay.
47681 9 1 The New Guys 7080 Dwight So what kind of farming you into, huh? You more of a fruit man or a root man?
47682 9 1 The New Guys 7080 Clark Is thisâis this like code for gay stuff? Cause if so, that's totally fine. Like, I'm fine with it. But you should know that I'm into the ladies.
47683 9 1 The New Guys 7080 Dwight Spoken like a true root man.
47684 9 1 The New Guys 7080 Clark You know, if you're ever swamped, I could make some sales calls for you.
47685 9 1 The New Guys 7080 Dwight My calls?
47686 9 1 The New Guys 7080 Clark So could you give me a list of all your clients? Or just the leads that you haven't had time to pursue yet?
47687 9 1 The New Guys 7080 Dwight You want a list of my clients? You want my leads?
47688 9 1 The New Guys 7080 Clark Yeah, I'll just give it a glanceâ
47689 9 1 The New Guys 7080 Dwight Ok
47690 9 1 The New Guys 7080 Clark I'll give it a read.
47691 9 1 The New Guys 7080 Dwight With my leads and stuff like that?
47692 9 1 The New Guys 7080 Clark Yeah.
47693 9 1 The New Guys 7080 Dwight Cause you're interested in going into sales?
47694 9 1 The New Guys 7080 Clark I am.
47695 9 1 The New Guys 7080 Dwight Wow, that's great. That's great. Ok, good, let's talk about that, ok?
47696 9 1 The New Guys 7080 Clark Ok.
47697 9 1 The New Guys 7080 Dwight You're not getting my clients! Nice try.
47698 9 1 The New Guys 7081 Dwight Paranoid? I'm not familiar with the word. And I really don't have time to learn new words right now, ok? A pudgy 22-year-old is trying to take my job.
47699 9 1 The New Guys 7082 Dwight Jim, get ready for the battle of your life.
47700 9 1 The New Guys 7082 Jim Done. Explain.
47701 9 1 The New Guys 7082 Dwight The new guys. Dwight Jr is after my job. Yeah. There is a shark hiding inside that adorable little cherub.
47702 9 1 The New Guys 7082 Jim Oh, now I get what Pete was talking about at the sales meeting yesterday.
47703 9 1 The New Guys 7082 Dwight Wait, salesâwhat sales meeting?
47704 9 1 The New Guys 7082 Jim The new guys called one.
47705 9 1 The New Guys 7082 Dwight The new guys called a sales meeting?
47706 9 1 The New Guys 7082 Jim Clark ended the whole thing with a karate demonstration. Did you know there was a belt above black?
47707 9 1 The New Guys 7082 Dwight There's no belt above black. Is there a belt above black?
47708 9 1 The New Guys 7082 Jim You should ask him. It's a color you would never expect. Too easy.
47709 9 1 The New Guys 7083 Angela Attention everyone. Comstock is still available. Oscar has been flirting with adopting him. But still hasn't given me a definite yes or no.
47710 9 1 The New Guys 7083 Oscar Definitely no.
47711 9 1 The New Guys 7083 Angela Fine. For any interested candidates, I will be conducting 20 minute interviews. My ideal situation would an independently wealthy cute couple with a strong commitment to education. Black or white, I'm fine with either, but not both. Listen, you're in this, but you need to wow me, ok?
47712 9 1 The New Guys 7084 Andy I wanted to talk to you about our working relationship this year. It's going to be terrible.
47713 9 1 The New Guys 7084 Nellie Not necessarily
47714 9 1 The New Guys 7084 Andy No I'm going to make sure that it is. And if it isn't, I'm going to take immediate action to rectify that. Now, I don't like to throw around the b-word, but I'm going to be a huge bitch to you.
47715 9 1 The New Guys 7085 Andy Now this is called slack lining.
47716 9 1 The New Guys 7086 Andy I set up the old slack line to teach the office the skills of focus and discipline. Or in the case of certain individuals, the skills of humiliation and looking really dumb.
47717 9 1 The New Guys 7087 Andy If you make it all the way across, your confidence will soar. But, if you Toby out, then you'll feel like a real Nellie. How about a hand, screw those guys. Now, these are my actual Outward Bound counselors, Rafe and Feather.
47718 9 1 The New Guys 7087 Rafe Iceman.
47719 9 1 The New Guys 7087 Andy That's me. The powder is for your protection, Feather has permanent athlete's foot. Feather, show them how you dance upon the line of slack.
47720 9 1 The New Guys 7088 Jim You a sports fan?
47721 9 1 The New Guys 7088 Pete Sure, boxing, tennis.
47722 9 1 The New Guys 7088 Jim Oh. Any team sports?
47723 9 1 The New Guys 7088 Pete NASCAR. The Amazing Race.
47724 9 1 The New Guys 7088 Jim Phillies fan, though, right?
47725 9 1 The New Guys 7088 Pete You mean horses?
47726 9 1 The New Guys 7088 Jim No, like baseball. A baseball team.
47727 9 1 The New Guys 7088 Pete Ah, I like the Red Sox. I'm from Vermont.
47728 9 1 The New Guys 7088 Jim Ok. Good talk.
47729 9 1 The New Guys 7089 Jim I have nothing in common with Plop.
47730 9 1 The New Guys 7090 Andy All right, who's next? Nellie?
47731 9 1 The New Guys 7090 Nellie Oh, I would rather watch you and your talented friends.
47732 9 1 The New Guys 7090 Andy Nonsense. Get up here.
47733 9 1 The New Guys 7090 Kevin Go ahead
47734 9 1 The New Guys 7090 Andy Come on. Uh, are you gonna wear your heels?
47735 9 1 The New Guys 7090 Nellie I'm very self-conscious about my feet.
47736 9 1 The New Guys 7090 Andy Ok, sure. There ya go. Atta girl. Hey, alright. Whoa! You suck. Alright, who's next? Darryl?
47737 9 1 The New Guys 7090 Darryl This seems like the kind of thing white people with dreadlocks do.
47738 9 1 The New Guys 7090 Andy Dwight Jr? This looks like your speed.
47739 9 1 The New Guys 7090 Clark Uh, I guess I could give it shot.
47740 9 1 The New Guys 7090 Andy Yeah, come on. Get up here. Just hop on up.
47741 9 1 The New Guys 7090 Clark Ok
47742 9 1 The New Guys 7090 Andy Focus on the horizon. Whoa! Look at this guy.
47743 9 1 The New Guys 7091 Clark I've always been good at anything that required balance. My doctor says I have gigantic inner ears.
47744 9 1 The New Guys 7092 Darryl Go, Dwight Jr!
47745 9 1 The New Guys 7092 Andy Hey, yes.
47746 9 1 The New Guys 7092 Dwight Boo, unimpressed. It's a tightrope for babies. Boo!
47747 9 1 The New Guys 7092 Clark Alright, let's see you do it.
47748 9 1 The New Guys 7092 Andy Alright. Let me show you how a real man walks across a flaccid cord.
47749 9 1 The New Guys 7092 Andy Ooh! Who ordered the hot apple fail?
47750 9 1 The New Guys 7092 Dwight Ok, I am just getting started, ok?
47751 9 1 The New Guys 7092 Clark You got this, it's all you. Got ourselves a yard sale. Balls in face. It's not a race, Dwight.
47752 9 1 The New Guys 7092 Andy Well it's official. Old Dwight is lame and New Dwight is cool.
47753 9 1 The New Guys 7092 Dwight That's not true. Just give me another chance.
47754 9 1 The New Guys 7092 Oscar But your mouth is bleâ
47755 9 1 The New Guys 7092 Toby This is a bloodbath. Alright, I'm calling this.
47756 9 1 The New Guys 7092 Dwight What?
47757 9 1 The New Guys 7092 Toby It is enough of this. Everyone, let's go back to work.
47758 9 1 The New Guys 7092 Dwight This is a stupid activity. I would be embarrassed to be good at it. Idiots.
47759 9 1 The New Guys 7093 Dwight Slack lining, please. Untie that rope, give it to a couple of pig-tailed school girls, let them start jumping with it while chanting a rhyme and giggling about boys. Doesn't seem so macho now, does it? It's a jump rope!
47760 9 1 The New Guys 7094 Pam Dwight!
47761 9 1 The New Guys 7094 Dwight Pam? Hey come up here, up the ladder. Come on.
47762 9 1 The New Guys 7094 Pam What are you doing?
47763 9 1 The New Guys 7094 Dwight Come here, I'll show you.
47764 9 1 The New Guys 7095 Angela Why do you want this cat?
47765 9 1 The New Guys 7095 Pete I don't want it, really.
47766 9 1 The New Guys 7095 Angela How would you support the cat? What are your ambitions?
47767 9 1 The New Guys 7095 Pete I want to start my own business. I want to be a millionaire. Lots of things. Travel, make the world a better place, earn an MBA at night.
47768 9 1 The New Guys 7095 Angela Have you taken any concrete steps?
47769 9 1 The New Guys 7095 Pete Well, I'm still just fitting in here, you know? Getting used to the new job. But, definitely on the agenda. But that is a good idea, Angela. I should make a list.
47770 9 1 The New Guys 7096 Jim Oh, come on, Pete! God, that's just sad. If he doesn't watch himself, he's gonna be here for years, doing nothing. Wow, maybe Pete is the new Jim.
47771 9 1 The New Guys 7097 Dwight Do you see how the trapeze completely surrounds the wire? That means it's literally impossible for anyone to fall off. So you will merely sit below and be my counterweight as I pedal across the parking lot to that telephone pole.
47772 9 1 The New Guys 7097 Pam I will?
47773 9 1 The New Guys 7097 Dwight You will. Yeah we weigh about the same, wouldn't you say?
47774 9 1 The New Guys 7097 Pam Sure, if you weigh 105 pounds.
47775 9 1 The New Guys 7097 Dwight So you'll do it?
47776 9 1 The New Guys 7097 Pam No.
47777 9 1 The New Guys 7097 Dwight Come on, this will be the only thrill of your boring life.
47778 9 1 The New Guys 7097 Pam Dwight, you may find this hard to believe, but I love my boring life.
47779 9 1 The New Guys 7097 Dwight Come on.
47780 9 1 The New Guys 7097 Pam Exactly the way it is.
47781 9 1 The New Guys 7097 Dwight No, Pam.
47782 9 1 The New Guys 7097 Pam Yes, and there's nothing you could say that would get me to run the slightest risk of losing it.
47783 9 1 The New Guys 7097 Dwight Please? Please, Pam?
47784 9 1 The New Guys 7097 Pam Find someone else, I don't know. Ask Phyllis.
47785 9 1 The New Guys 7097 Dwight I can't use Phyllis. Are you kidding me? The moment she steps off this bar I'll be launched into space. God, you're so insensitive.
47786 9 1 The New Guys 7098 Pete Why are you getting rid of it?
47787 9 1 The New Guys 7098 Angela Allergies.
47788 9 1 The New Guys 7098 Pete Your husband?
47789 9 1 The New Guys 7098 Angela No, the baby. Please, it's my husband's favorite cat. He's broken up about it. It's the only time I've seen him cry other than our wedding night.
47790 9 1 The New Guys 7098 Oscar You know what? I will take Comstock.
47791 9 1 The New Guys 7098 Angela Really? Oh, Oscar, thank you!
47792 9 1 The New Guys 7098 Oscar I'll come by after work and pick him up.
47793 9 1 The New Guys 7098 Angela Yay! Oh, poor Robert. He won't get to say goodbye. He has this business dinner tonight
47794 9 1 The New Guys 7098 Oscar C'est la vie.
47795 9 1 The New Guys 7098 Angela Please don't teach the cat French.
47796 9 1 The New Guys 7099 Oscar Yeah. Good news, tonight when you come over for dinner, you can play with your old buddy Comstock.
47797 9 1 The New Guys 7100 Pam You ready?
47798 9 1 The New Guys 7100 Jim Yeah. You know what? I'll meet you down there. Just gotta make a quick call.
47799 9 1 The New Guys 7100 Pam Kay.
47800 9 1 The New Guys 7101 Dwight Ok. Oh, god.
47801 9 1 The New Guys 7102 Dwight Attention, employees of Dunder Mifflin. Everyone thinks the new guys are so cool cause they can slack line. Boo. Hey Clark, this is what a areal salesman looks like. They say that you only live once and I'm about to prove it. Dwight Schrute!
47802 9 1 The New Guys 7103 Jim Hey, man. It's halpert. Did you go to the other guy yet? Great, don't. I'm in. Yeah, yep, I'm all in. Ok, talk to you soon. Bye. Yeah!
47803 9 1 The New Guys 7104 Dwight Woo! Ahh!!
47804 9 1 The New Guys 7105 Creed In the parking lot today there was a circus. The copier did tricks on the high-wire, a lady tried to give away a baby that looked like a cat. There was a Dwight impersonator and a Jim impersonator; a strong man crushed a turtle. I laughed and I cried. Not bad for a day in the life of a dog food company.
47805 9 1 The New Guys 7106 Meredith Crap. Sorry, Nellie.
47806 9 1 The New Guys 7106 Nellie Once again, I understand that old habits die hard, but if everyone would kindly walk their refuse to the trash bins instead of tossing them, then we wouldâ
47807 9 1 The New Guys 7106 Stanley Mm, swish.
47808 9 1 The New Guys 7107 Nellie Oh, it's nothing to do with me. I just happen to be sitting near to where the bins are.
47809 9 1 The New Guys 7108 Andy There are two things that I am passionate about. Recycling and revenge.
47810 9 1 The New Guys 7109 Nellie Fluke.
47811 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7110 Pam The building's custodian is on vacation for the month and Dwight is too cheap to hire a replacement. So, instead, we're living in filth. But, not for long. Because I have created the chore wheel.
47812 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7111 Kevin Oh, yeah! Can I spin first?
47813 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7111 Pam Well, it doesn't spin. We'll just move the wheel one notch each morning and... you see what chore you get that day.
47814 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7111 Kevin A wheel is supposed to spin.
47815 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7111 Erin Yeah, you know, like guh, guh, guh, guh, guh, guh, guh... guh.
47816 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7111 Pam No, I'm familiar with spinning. It's just that wouldn't work with a chore wheel because people might get the same chore-
47817 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7111 Andy Bugh, boring. All she talks about is chores.
47818 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7111 Creed A wheel wants to spin, Pam.
47819 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7111 Jim Spinning would be more fun.
47820 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7111 Pam â˜Kay.
47821 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7112 Kevin Okay, that's what I'm talking about! Big money, big money! Mug duty?
47822 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7112 Pam Yes, you clean all the mugs in the sink.
47823 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7112 Kevin This sucks.
47824 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7112 Erin Yeah, seriously, it's like everything on there is work.
47825 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7112 Pam I don't think you guys understand why we're doing this. It's-
47826 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7112 Kevin Yeah, I don't think that you understand wheels.
47827 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7113 Pam I've been through several rounds of development with the team and here's where we stand with the chore wheel. We've got prizes! Ten bucks, candy bar, manager for an hour but, there are also penalties. Like, no internet, Stanley gets your lunch. The one thing that is not on the chore wheel is chores. But they were right; it's more fun this way.
47828 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7114 Pam The tiny wheel actually does have chores. It's so cute no one seems to mind.
47829 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7115 Pam Toilets!
47830 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7116 Jim Pam, we gotta go. Cece, go back inside. Grandma's got breakfast, OK? We are going to Roy's wedding. Yep, Roy. I think the only weird thing about going to your wife's ex-fiancé's wedding on a weekday at eight AM is that it's your wife's ex-fiancé.
47831 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7116 Pam Thanks, mom!
47832 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7116 Jim A banana?
47833 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7116 Pam Yeah. I'm afraid he's only gonna have hot dogs.
47834 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7116 Jim Oh, come on. Not even Roy will have hot dogs at his wedding.
47835 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7116 Pam Planned a wedding with him. He wanted hot dogs.
47836 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7116 Jim Just... so weird.
47837 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7117 Erin Oh, Pete, you've got mail.
47838 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7117 Pete Really? I got something?
47839 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7117 Erin Well, it's addressed to Customer Service so, it's your mail.
47840 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7117 Clark Well, you know, I'm also Customer Service.
47841 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7117 Erin Yeah, I'm alternating.
47842 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7117 Pete Yay, another person yelling at me.
47843 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7117 Erin Well, it could be a nice letter. I write nice letters to companies all the time.
47844 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7117 Pete That's really nice.
47845 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7117 Clark Wow, Newsweek, huh? This election... thing is crazy, right?
47846 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7117 Pete It's open.
47847 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7117 Erin Oh yeah, I accidentally read it. It's not a nice letter.
47848 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7117 Pete OK.
47849 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7118 Nellie Get excited. The special projects fairy has arrived.
47850 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7118 Creed I know you don't really exist.
47851 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7119 Nellie Today, I launch my big charity initiative â˜Operation Give Back'. Andy has shot down all of my special projects thus far but, this one is about charity. So, I'd like to see him piss on that one.
47852 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7120 Roy Darryl! Ha-ha! What's happening?
47853 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7120 Darryl Congratulations, baby!
47854 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7120 Roy Ah, thank you!
47855 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7121 Jim Is this his house?
47856 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7121 Pam Think so.
47857 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7121 Server Mimosa?
47858 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7121 Pam Thank you.
47859 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7121 Server Would you like me to take your peel?
47860 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7121 Pam Yes, thank you.
47861 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7121 Jim OK.
47862 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7121 Pam Who's that?
47863 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7121 Jim Uh, my ex-fiancé.
47864 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7121 Pam Ha-ha.
47865 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7122 Jim I started a new business with my college friend. But, Pam doesn't know. Um... actually I did tell Pam and we decided â˜no'. But, then I decided 'yes' anyway. So, I'm thinking there's another conversation coming. And, it's hard to know when that will be.
47866 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7123 Nellie With Operation Give Back, you pick the charities Dunder-Mifflin supports.
47867 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7123 Kevin Oh boy! What's happening?
47868 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7123 Nellie There's four thousand dollars to give away. So, who has filled out their form? Stanley?
47869 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7123 Stanley American Diabetes Association.
47870 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7123 Angela Um, you have diabetes, Stanley. I'm sorry, is the assignment to pick a selfish charity?
47871 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7123 Toby I w-, uh, I would love to give uh-
47872 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7123 Kevin Heifer's International. Listen to this. They give a poor person like, a goat or something. It's a great prank.
47873 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7123 Creed I wanna work with, uh, Jimmy Carter and help build gnomes.
47874 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7123 Nellie Dwight, what about you?
47875 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7123 Dwight I will not be participating as there is no evidence that charity works.
47876 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7123 Andy Uh, correction, I give to a foundation that teaches homeless children nautical flag signaling. Changes lives.
47877 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7123 Nellie Thank you, Andy.
47878 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7123 Andy I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for the preservation of nautical flag signaling.
47879 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7123 Nellie Dwight, you will be participating.
47880 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7123 Dwight No thank you.
47881 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7123 Nellie Participation is mandatory; Dwight, but you can choose whatever cause you like.
47882 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7123 Dwight Fine, I chose the Global Relief Foundation.
47883 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7123 Nellie Great, thank you.
47884 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7123 Dwight Which was recently discovered to be a front for the Taliban.
47885 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7123 Nellie Oh, for goodness' sake, Dwight.
47886 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7123 Dwight Yeah. The Taliban in Afa-ghanistan.
47887 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7124 Creed The Taliban is the worst. Great heroine, though.
47888 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7125 Nellie Dwight, I cannot have the Taliban on the roster of Operation Give Back.
47889 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7125 Dwight Well, it looks like there won't be any Operation Give Back. Ha, ha. The nanny state is over, ladies and gentlemen. You're welcome.
47890 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7126 Jim There he is. Is it almost time to cut the pancake, or what?
47891 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7126 Roy Aw, yeah, god, we appreciate everyone coming so early. It's, everyone's just been so nice.
47892 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7126 Jim Thanks for inviting us, by the way-
47893 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7126 Roy Are you kidding?
47894 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7126 Jim That was, that was a surprise.
47895 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7126 Roy Come on. If it wasn't for you, I never would've met Laura. I mean, seriously, kinda dodged a bullet on that one. Just kidding.
47896 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7126 Jim You're welcome.
47897 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7126 Roy Thanks...aw.
47898 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7126 Jim By the way, man, this place is... beautiful.
47899 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7126 Roy Started a gravel company. I mean, who knew it'd take off?
47900 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7126 Jim Gravel company?
47901 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7126 Roy Yeah. What about you? What are you doing?
47902 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7126 Jim Not gravel, obviously. No, things are good. Things are good. Got some stuff in the works. So-
47903 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7126 Roy Oh, cool.
47904 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7126 Jim Yeah, you never know.
47905 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7126 Kenny Hey bro, stop wasting time with this haircut. He's got a fifty-thousand dollar sports car. Cheers.
47906 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7126 Jim OK, Kenny.
47907 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7127 Clark Duncan, listen, I would love to help you out but where am I gonna find somebody that's pretty, smart and well-informed? Huh? Hold on, hold on. Erin, do you know anybody that might want... Oh my gosh. You love the news, right?
47908 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7127 Erin Well, it depends. I mean, sometimes I find out things that are really sad.
47909 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7127 Clark Well, I got a buddy that's a big time local news producer and I can't tell you his name, but it'd blow your mind.
47910 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7127 Pete Uh, is it Duncan?
47911 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7127 Clark He's looking for on-air talent and he'd kill me if I didn't get you on tape.
47912 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7127 Erin You mean, put me on the news?
47913 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7127 Clark You'll just come over, put on little lipstick, loosen up with a glass of red wine and then we'll just run through a few stories. You know, a couple different ways, with a couple different outfits. It'd be really tasteful and it'd really help me out with Duncan... with my friend. What do you say? Huh?
47914 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7127 Erin Maybe, ok? Let me think about it.
47915 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7127 Clark Ok.
47916 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7127 Erin Whoo!
47917 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7127 Clark Think it over.
47918 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7128 Pete No, Clark's not my friend. He is the douche that sits next to me at the office. My friends are Scott, Glenn, and Rob. But, you don't know them.
47919 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7129 Erin I never really thought much about being more than a receptionist. But, why? Because I happened to answer help wanted ad to be a receptionist? I mean, what if the ad had been for a CEO? Or for a brain surgeon?
47920 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7130 Roy So, ah, it was a year ago today that I met Laura. I thought she was my waitress and, uh, took her three weeks to tell me that she actually owned the place. You are full of surprises. You are my beautiful mystery girl. And, today, I have a surprise for you.
47921 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7130 Jim He plays piano?
47922 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7130 Pam No. Roy? No.
47923 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7130 Roy You know how I said I was taking boxing lessons? Actually, I was doing this. Um, so, I hope that you like it.
47924 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7130 Darryl You got this, Roy.
47925 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7131 Pam We still surprise each other.
47926 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7131 Jim Definitely.
47927 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7131 Pam You know, I never did it, but for your 30th birthday I really wanted to surprise you with-
47928 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7131 Jim Courtside seats. Sixers.
47929 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7131 Pam Yes. But, what I didn't tell you is that I actually bought the tickets. We only didn't go because it was-
47930 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7131 Jim It was an away game.
47931 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7131 Pam In Phoenix. They should really tell you that more specifically. I mean, every game is an away game for one of the teams. Do we know everything about each other?
47932 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7131 Jim No.
47933 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7131 Pam Tell me one thing about you I don't know.
47934 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7131 Jim Um, ok.
47935 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7132 Jim Oh, here's one. Did I ever tell you about the time that my brothers videotaped the lottery announcement? And bought the winning numbers the next day? And then, played the tape for me the next week, and I-
47936 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7132 Pam And you thought you guys were millionaires.
47937 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7132 Jim You heard that one.
47938 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7132 Pam Yes. But there's, wait, oh, there's a funny ending to that story. I can't remember.
47939 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7132 Jim That I thought we were millionaires.
47940 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7132 Pam Thought you were millionaires, yeah. That's funny. Shoot, I knew that one.
47941 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7132 Jim That's all right.
47942 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7132 Angela The senator and I still have mystery. I'm always waiting to see what he's gonna surprise me with next.
47943 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7132 Jim You all right?
47944 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7133 Nellie You support the Taliban abroad. So I assume you're willing to live by their rules here.
47945 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7133 Dwight Anything else would be inconsistent.
47946 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7133 Nellie Will you join me then in a pledge to live by Taliban law in this office?
47947 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7133 Dwight Absolutely, I will.
47948 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7134 Dwight I feared Nellie had some sort of a plan but she used a ridiculous font. Huh. You don't have a plan.
47949 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7135 Nellie When you use a ridiculous font, no one thinks you have a plan.
47950 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7136 Nellie Looking for this?
47951 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7136 Dwight What the?
47952 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7136 Nellie Oh, this is a lovely pen. Ah. But, it's mine now because I stole it.
47953 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7136 Dwight Gimme that.
47954 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7136 Nellie Didn't you sign a contract to live under Taliban law? And now, there's been theft. That means, you're not serious or... someone's getting their hand cut off.
47955 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7136 Dwight You're insane.
47956 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7136 Nellie I know. So, it's better that you pick another charity.
47957 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7136 Dwight Oh, and let your precious Operation Power Grab proceed unchecked? No thank you.
47958 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7136 Nellie In that case, you... will have to chop off my hand.
47959 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7136 Dwight This cleaver appears to need sharpening. I suggest you spend some quality time together just you and your hand. Tie a shoe, toss a salad. Do any of the two hand activities that you'll miss the most.
47960 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7136 Nellie I tell you what. I need to make three calls. And then after that, you can become a person who chops off people's hands.
47961 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7136 Dwight Sounds like a plan.
47962 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7137 Andy Clark wants to film you in different outfits inside his apartment?
47963 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7137 Erin Yeah.
47964 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7138 Andy Clark, you and I need to have a little chat. What clothes does Erin need for this news audition?
47965 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7138 Clark Uh... couple of button-downs, a camisole, a blazer, a pencil skirt, stilettos, maybe, no, no, not maybe, definitely open-toed. Uh, something low-cut because the camera makes everything seem higher cut.
47966 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7138 Andy Really?
47967 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7138 Clark Yeah, industry secret. You're gonna want some of those panty hose with the seam up the back.
47968 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7138 Pete Seems unnecessary for an audition.
47969 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7138 Clark And then, you know, maybe just a robe to wear in between takes but I probably got one she can borrow at my place, so-
47970 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7138 Andy Thank god someone here knows what their talking about. I want you to take this credit card, take Erin to the mall and get that stuff.
47971 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7138 Clark I absolutely will do that.
47972 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7138 Andy Awesome. Plop!
47973 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7138 Clark Pff. Guess I'll just head over to the mall then. Buy Erin some sexy, fun outfits.
47974 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7139 Pete That Clark, huh? Errr Ca!
47975 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7140 Oscar Next question for our oldie-weds-
47976 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7140 Kevin What's the craziest place you've ever made whoopie?
47977 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7140 Angela Language.
47978 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7140 Phyllis Who was Pam's first celebrity crush?
47979 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7140 Oscar Pam's first celebrity crush.
47980 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7140 Toby John Stamos.
47981 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7140 Jim Ready?
47982 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7140 Pam Uh-huh.
47983 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7140 Jim John Stamos.
47984 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7140 Angela Oh!
47985 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7140 Pam Yes. But John Stamos was temporary. I quickly moved on to-
47986 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7140 Toby Johnny Depp.
47987 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7140 Pam Johnny Depp.
47988 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7140 Toby Sh, uh, um, I was having this separate conversation with Kevin. Uh, Johnny Depp.
47989 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7140 Kevin Totally. George Clooney.
47990 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7140 Toby Uh-huh.
47991 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7140 Angela OK, I have one. I have one.
47992 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7140 Kevin What is the craziest place you've ever made whoopie?
47993 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7140 Angela Kevin, stop it with that question.
47994 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7141 Jim Right. And did you show them the market? Yeah. And what'd they say? That's awesome! That, oh my god! Wow!
47995 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7142 Jim It's not even real yet. And I'm not gonna tell her 'til it's real.
47996 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7143 Pam I think maybe there actually is something I don't know about Jim.
47997 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7144 Darryl Everyone, we have a voluntary meeting in the conference room to discuss Erin's confidence.
47998 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7144 Andy Her body. We're gonna talk about her body. Good. Great job.
47999 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7145 Darryl Andy made me his consigliere. Which means Assistant Regional Manager. I guess he thought I'd be into The Godfather 'cause I'm black. Wrong! I'm into The Godfather 'cause I'm a cinephile. I like Scarface 'cause I'm black.
48000 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7146 Andy Erin has an audition to be a newscaster.
48001 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7146 Andy Uh-huh. And I want her to feel very comfortable in her very sexy skin. So, everybody say something that you like about her body. All right? Darryl.
48002 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7146 Darryl OK, um, I like Erin's hair. It's a very pretty color.
48003 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7146 Andy Yeah, right?
48004 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7146 Jim I'm sorry. This is for a news audition?
48005 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7146 Andy Yeah.
48006 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7146 Oscar Then why are we talking about her looks? Why not her credibility? Or her reliability?
48007 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7146 Andy News flash everyone. The human race finds attractive people more trustworthy.
48008 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7146 Oscar I'm so sorry, Andy, but for twenty years, the most trusted man in America - Walter Cronkite.
48009 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7146 Meredith Cronkite was hot. If I could go back in time, I'd take that mustache ride.
48010 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7146 Oscar Does Erin have any experience? Has she taken any journalism classes, maybe? Or...
48011 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7146 Angela Has she done the pageant circuit?
48012 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7146 Erin No, I watch the news.
48013 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7146 Andy She's gonna be amazing. Look at her. She's gonna light up the screen.
48014 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7146 Erin This is a first for me. And, I don't get a lot of chances, so I have to take them really seriously. I will do whatever it takes to get the job.
48015 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7146 Clark Whatever it takes.
48016 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7146 Pete Yeah, I know, I heard. I heard.
48017 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7147 Dwight This is it. Any questions?
48018 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7147 Nellie Is it gonna be long?
48019 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7147 Dwight No. It's gonna be over before you know it.
48020 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7148 Erin Afghan president Hamid Karzai declared a new policy of dollar days throughout the country. Promising low, low prices on all 2012 Kia Sentras and Sonatas. Aren't you glad you waited? Karzai commented.
48021 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7148 Darryl Um, where did you get that story?
48022 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7148 Erin A little bit here, a little bit there. I bet you didn't think I knew current events.
48023 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7148 Andy I love it. It's fantastic. Now, tag it with your name.
48024 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7148 Erin For Channel 11 news, I'm Erin Hannon.
48025 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7148 Andy Pause after 'news'.
48026 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7148 Erin For Channel 11 news... I'm Erin Hannon.
48027 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7148 Andy No, pause longer.
48028 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7148 Darryl That was a good one.
48029 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7148 Andy Pause, pause longer. OK? Builds suspense. Don't be shy.
48030 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7148 Erin Got it. For Channel 11 news...
48031 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7148 Andy Wha, it's-
48032 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7148 Erin I'm Erin Hannon.
48033 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7148 Andy OK. All right. Great. Some great stuff in there.
48034 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7149 Jim I can feel you looking at me.
48035 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7149 Pam OK. Well, here's something you don't know. A couple of weeks ago-
48036 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7149 Jim Uh-huh.
48037 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7149 Pam I ran into this guy from my high school who has just gotten divorced and he hit on me. In the mall. And I didn't tell you because, I don't know, I felt embarrassed. And, I didn't know if you would be mad or worried. But, anyway, I thought you'd want to know.
48038 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7149 Jim That didn't happen. You would've told me right away.
48039 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7149 Pam Yeah, I would've. What about you? Come on, there's gotta be something. Between your birth and the last two days, something you just haven't had the chance to tell me.
48040 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7149 Jim Uh...
48041 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7149 Pam Just tell me.
48042 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7149 Jim God, give it up, Beesley. You know me too well.
48043 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7150 Dwight Heh! Ha!
48044 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7151 Pete Hey, um, I knew something bothered me and I finally figured it out. What news producers are gonna want to see is how Erin relates to the other people on the news team.
48045 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7151 Erin Oh.
48046 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7151 Pete The weird thing is Erin is doing the audition alone.
48047 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7151 Erin Oh god.
48048 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7151 Pete Now, I'd say Clark could be your co-host... he's already doing camera.
48049 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7151 Erin Tuh.
48050 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7151 Pete Someone who's already got rapport with Erin, maybe. I don't know.
48051 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7152 Dwight Ha! This is for real this time.
48052 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7152 Darryl It's getting late. I thought you guys could use a little inspiration.
48053 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7152 Nellie Oh, a movie. What is this?
48054 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7152 Darryl 127 hours. It's about this guy who-
48055 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7152 Dwight No, no. No spoilers. Please.
48056 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7152 Darryl My bad.
48057 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7152 Dwight No.
48058 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7152 Darryl Goodnight.
48059 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7153 Clark Hey! Everybody.
48060 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7153 Andy Yeah.
48061 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7153 Clark Come in.
48062 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7153 Andy All right!
48063 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7153 Clark Come on in.
48064 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7153 Andy Nice.
48065 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7153 Clark What're you doing here?
48066 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7153 Pete Sorry, man. Andy though Erin needed a co-anchor. I'm his makeup guy. My hands are tied.
48067 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7154 Erin The victim was released from the hospital with second-degree burns.
48068 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7154 Andy Wow. You know what they say Erin. If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen.
48069 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7154 Erin Well, he tried to but the fire door was blocked.
48070 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7154 Andy He sure did.
48071 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7154 Clark All right. We got that. That's a rap, everybody.
48072 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7154 Erin Aw!
48073 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7154 Andy Just, you sure Clark?
48074 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7154 Clark Yep, she's done.
48075 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7154 Andy No, I just, I don't mean Erin. I mean for me. I didn't feel good about that.
48076 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7154 Clark No, we got it. We got it.
48077 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7154 Erin Great! Let's get some food. I'm starving.
48078 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7154 Andy I don't think we did get it. I could do, uh, a couple more takes. We could do it in close-up. That might even be better for editing.
48079 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7154 Clark OK, I don't.
48080 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7154 Andy All right.
48081 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7154 Erin I'm hungry.
48082 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7154 Andy Uh, Pete, you wanna take Erin to get a burger or something?
48083 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7154 Pete Yeah, whatever you say, boss.
48084 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7154 Andy OK. I'll call you later.
48085 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7154 Erin OK.
48086 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7154 Andy So this is a single.
48087 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7155 Erin Hey, even if this doesn't work out for me, I'm just glad I had the guts to do it. And, maybe it'll work out for Andy.
48088 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7156 Dwight Oh god.
48089 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7156 Nellie That is absolutely revolting!
48090 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7156 Dwight Yeah.
48091 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7156 Nellie He is so good, though.
48092 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7156 Dwight Yes.
48093 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7156 Nellie The way he just cuts off his arm.
48094 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7156 Dwight If you like James Franco, we really should watch Rise of the Planet of the Apes.
48095 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7156 Nellie Well, he's a genius, you know? He was in graduate programs at Yale, Columbia and NYU all at the same time.
48096 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7156 Dwight Whoopty doo. That doesn't make you a genius.
48097 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7156 Nellie Well, it doesn't make you stupid.
48098 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7156 Dwight Yeah, it does, actually. It makes you real stupid.
48099 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7156 Nellie Stupid like you.
48100 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7156 Dwight No, like you.
48101 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7156 Nellie Like you.
48102 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7156 Dwight You're the stupid one.
48103 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7156 Nellie You're the stupid one.
48104 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7156 Dwight You're the stupid one.
48105 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7156 Nellie You're the stupid one.
48106 9 2 Roy's Wedding 7156 Dwight You, you, you, you...
48107 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7157 Fake Jim Morning, Dwight
48108 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7157 Dwight Who are you?
48109 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7157 Fake Jim Who am I? I'm Jim. We've been working together for twelve years. Ha, Weird joke, Dwight.
48110 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7157 Dwight You're not Jim. Jim's not Asian
48111 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7157 Fake Jim You seriously never noticed? Hey, hats off to you for not seeing race.
48112 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7157 Dwight Alright then Jim. Ahhh, why don't you tell me about that sale that you made yesterday?
48113 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7157 Fake Jim Uh, Wellington systems? Sold them 10 cases of 24-pound letter stock. Or, were you talking about Krieger-Murphy? Because I didn't close that one yet, but I'm hoping I've got a voicemail from Paul Krieger waiting for me.
48114 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7157 Voicemail Please enter your password.
48115 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7157 Voicemail You have one new message.
48116 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7157 Dwight How did you know? No! No, no! That is sensitive information only for employees, not outsiders!
48117 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7157 Fake Jim Dwight, cut it out, I'm trying to work.
48118 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7157 Dwight You don't work here! You're not Jim!
48119 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7157 Pam Jim, I got us that dinner reservation. Grico's at 7:30.
48120 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7157 Fake Jim Oh great, can't wait.
48121 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7158 Pam Jim's at the dentist this morning. And Steve is an actor friend of ours.
48122 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7159 Dwight I don't know who you are, but you are not Jim. This is Jim!
48123 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7159 Dwight Oh myâ! Oh dâ! Oh, how didâ? Huhhhhh!
48124 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7160 Erin Heyyy! Study buddies!
48125 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7160 Darryl Oh, ok.
48126 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7160 Erin Getting things done. Awesome!
48127 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7160 Darryl It's all about finding ways to make yourself more efficient. Life hacking, baby. This morning, I brushed my teeth in the shower. Saved my self 90 seconds. Which I just used to explain this to you. Damn it!
48128 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7161 Darryl Since Andy promoted me to assistant regional manager, I've been trying to step my game up, you know, be more productive. In fact, you know what? Let's knock out a few more of these sound bites while we're here. Whoa! That person has really gotten him or herself into quite a predicament.
48129 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7162 Erin S"il vous plait...dites-Moi...Ugggghhh les Bleagh!
48130 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7162 Dwight Ah, French. It's a great language. If you're a chain-smoking acrobat.
48131 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7162 Erin I'm just trying to fit in better with Andy's family. They all speak more than one language. Usually when I'm there!
48132 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7162 Dwight You wanna learn a really impressive second language? Try dothraki. Win over any man in my guild.
48133 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7163 Dwight Dothraki is the native tongue of the nomadic war-mongering horse lords of Essos as featured in the superb Home Box Office series, Game of Thrones. It has a lot of nudity. Which I fast-forward through to get to the chopped-off heads.
48134 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7164 Dwight I could teach you if you want. It's a lot easier than French.
48135 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7164 Erin Yeah! Let's do it!
48136 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7164 Dwight Atherozar!
48137 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7164 Erin Oh!
48138 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7164 Dwight It means "excellent". And we have begun.
48139 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7165 Pam . Is everything okay?
48140 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7165 Nellie Hmm? Ohâoh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, fine. Fine, fine, fine. I'm mean, I dâI just don't wannaâburden you with my massive stress freak outs!
48141 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7165 Pam Great.
48142 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7165 Nellie It's just that I am taking my driver's license test in two days, and I need to practice with an experienced driver in the car. But I've had no time to do that, thanks to "Demandy".... I just want to hit the open road and drive, man! But...in who's car?
48143 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7165 Andy Nellie! Get your wrinkly old balls in here.
48144 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7165 Pam Nellie, I could practice with you in my car at lunchtime.
48145 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7165 Nellie Oh, Pam, thank you! You are my savior!
48146 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7165 Nellie, Pam ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
48147 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7165 Pam I'm sorry, I'm leaving you alone for lunch.
48148 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7165 Jim Don't worry about it. I have a thing. A thing of soup. Which I've been wanting to try.
48149 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7166 Nellie This is my research into how we might produce child-proof paper that doesn't give you paper cuts. We can't. And here is a print out of your genealogy from thisisyourfamilytree.com
48150 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7166 Andy Executive-summary me. Hit the highlights.
48151 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7166 Nellie Well, it turns out, you are a distant blood relative of Michelle Obama!
48152 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7166 Andy As in...
48153 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7166 Nellie Wife of Barack, loves gardening, wants to wipe out fat children.
48154 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7166 Andy Wow!
48155 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7167 Andy This is super-flattering. She's the most popular person in America. This is a big day for both of us.
48156 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7168 Andy My fellow Americans, I have a feeling my approval rating is about to go through the roof. Turns out, I am related to Michelle Obama.
48157 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7169 Erin I was intimidated by Andy's family before. And now I have to see the First Lady at holidays? She's gonna be like, "What's your stance on politics?" Or, "What is the best war to do?" And, I will just be like, "Duhhhh!"
48158 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7170 Andy Alright! We gotta get rid of all this junk food. Get fit, America! Not sure if the buzz has reached the annex yet, but uh...I'm related to Michelle Obama.
48159 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7171 Pete Yeah we noticed early on, Andy really appreciates enthusiasm.
48160 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7171 Clark So we decided the best way to get ahead here is to be his cheerleaders.
48161 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7172 Clark Oooohhhhhhhh!
48162 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7172 Clark It's starting to have this reverse effect, though, where I really do think the stuff he does is awesome.
48163 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7172 Pete Yeah, me too. It's weird. Hard to remember what's real at this point.
48164 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7172 Clark Just clap through it, man.
48165 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7173 Darryl You log in sales at ten different times. If you log â˜em all at once, you save a lot of time. It's called batching.
48166 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7173 Jim That was really good, Darryl.
48167 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7173 Darryl Life hacking, man.
48168 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7173 Andy There he is!
48169 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7173 Jim Andy, you gotta check this out. He just showed meâ.
48170 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7173 Andy Ahhhthathathathathta. Right now I need canned tuna, okay? Darryl, guess which talented individual, who also has a killer singing voice, is related to the First Lady?
48171 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7173 Darryl Tracee Ellis Ross. Daughter of the First Lady of Motown, Diana Ross.
48172 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7173 Andy It's me! I am related to Michelle Obama.
48173 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7173 Darryl What?! Really?
48174 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7173 Andy I mean, it's distant, but...
48175 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7173 Darryl Huh ha! That's cool, man.
48176 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7173 Andy Right?
48177 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7174 Andy Darryl said, "Cool, man." He called me as cool man.
48178 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7175 Pam You know, I really do think it would be worth it to pull over and just take ten minutes to eat.
48179 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7175 Nellie Mmmmâthe thing is Pam, I'm gonna be eating while I'm driving, so, I might as well get good at it.
48180 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7175 Pam Brake lights. Break lights! Break lights! Break lights!!!
48181 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7175 Nellie Whhooooo!
48182 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7176 Oscar I'm just saying, what does it imply in this country when a white person shares an ancestor with a black person?
48183 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7176 Phyllis You think that Andy's family owned slaves?
48184 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7176 Stanley Well somebody owned somebody. And I don't think anybody would buy an Andy.
48185 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7177 Dwight I throat-rip.
48186 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7177 Erin Foth aggendak!
48187 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7177 Dwight You throat-rip.
48188 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7177 Erin Foth aggendi!
48189 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7177 Dwight He/she/it throat rips.
48190 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7177 Erin Foth aggenda!
48191 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7177 Dwight More of a, barbaric growl.
48192 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7177 Erin Forth aggenda!
48193 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7177 Dwight Louder! You're shouting it from the back of a horse!
48194 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7177 Erin Wah!! Aggenda!!
48195 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7178 Pam Pretty crazy about Andy and Michelle Obama, huh?
48196 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7178 Nellie Yeeeeahhhh! It's almost unbelievable!
48197 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7178 Pam What?
48198 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7178 Nellie Well, you know how Andy has been really salting my onions, lately.
48199 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7178 Pam Sure.
48200 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7178 Nellie Well, when he asked me to look up his ancestry online, I remembered that news story about Michelle Obama having white relatives, and I just knew he would eat that up!
48201 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7178 Pam So he's not related to Michelle Obama?
48202 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7178 Nellie Pam, I barely know how to turn on my computer.
48203 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7179 Pam Nellie's pretty fearless. And I think she might be maybe even almost sort of fun.
48204 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7180 Nellie Pam! .
48205 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7181 Oscar Well, if there's another explanation, I don't really see what it could possibly be. Iâ
48206 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7181 Andy What's going on here? I'm related to the first lady, okay? Get over it. I still need weekly status reports from most of you, sooooo, can we get back to work, please? Get back to work! .
48207 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7181 Oscar Andy! Andy! No! I would be very polite today.
48208 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7181 Andy Why? Is it employee's day or something? I cannot keep track of these BS holidays.
48209 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7181 Oscar Your connection. To Michelle Obama has certain... negative connotations. Most likely, your family wereâslave owners.
48210 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7181 Andy Does anyone else think it's possible that I come from slave owners?
48211 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7182 Darryl Whoa! That person has really gotten him or herself into quite a predicament.
48212 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7183 Andy Hey mom, it's Andy. Give me a call when you get a chance gotta quick question for you, uhhhh no big deal just about America's national shame, thanks, Bye.
48213 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7183 Darryl Yes, yes, yes.
48214 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7183 Andy Great. Ooo! Spreadsheets! Yum, yum!
48215 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7183 Darryl I included some time saving ideas...
48216 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7183 Andy Huh huh huh. Look, I'm not gonna lie to ya, I'm a teensy bit distracted right now.
48217 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7183 Darryl Look, Andy, even if your ancestors did own slaves, it wouldn't be your fault. This is only weird if you make it weird.
48218 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7183 Andy Right on, brotha. Wurddd.
48219 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7184 Erin Addor!
48220 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7184 Dwight Daraas!
48221 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7184 Erin Qazer!
48222 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7184 Dwight Daraas! Does anyone here have fermented mare's milk?
48223 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7185 Pete Hey Erin!
48224 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7185 Erin Azem choma! Chomakka-attun!
48225 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7185 Pete Ohâokay. Sorry.
48226 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7186 Nellie Oh, still, it must great to have something else going on outside of work.
48227 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7186 Pam Yeahâturn signal. It's exciting to be painting againâthose are the wipers. Soâtheâitsâjust. There you go! Yeah. Yeah, things get so busy with the kidsâred lightâthat it's nice to have that creative outletâred light! Red light! Red! Red!
48228 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7186 Nellie That is brilliant, Pam. I would love to see some of your work.
48229 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7186 Pam Well, since we're stopped at a light, uhhh, here is...the mural I did for Angela's baby.
48230 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7186 Nellie That's amazing, Pam! Oh, I love the lion in the tuxedo!
48231 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7186 Pam Angela insisted that all the animals be fully clothed.
48232 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7187 Andy . Heyyy, has anyone turned in their status reports up here?
48233 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7187 Erin Vos!
48234 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7187 Andy So, no? You think maybe you could remind people? I'm trying to down play the whole bossy boss thing today.
48235 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7187 Erin Because of your slaves.
48236 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7187 Andy Not my slaves, my ancestors'. Maybe. Probably not.
48237 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7187 Erin Well, if it makes you feel any better, the dothraki word for "slave master", "attafrauk!", is a term of respect. I'm learning how to speak dothraki! Color you impressed?
48238 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7187 Andy That you're learning a made-up language from HBO's Game of Thrones? I have a lot going on today...but this was a great nerd-out!
48239 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7187 Erin Dwight, you didn't tell me you were teaching me a fake language.
48240 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7187 Dwight People laughed at Klingon at first, and now you can major in it.
48241 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7188 Andy Hi guys.
48242 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7188 Phyllis Hey boss! I am so thirsty. Could I have a scoop of water?
48243 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7188 Andy Yeah. You don't have to ask me.
48244 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7188 Andy Ha ha! Okay. Great. Very funny. I get it. Just because my ancestors happen to beâ. Very funny, Kevin. Changed my ringtone. Very funny. I liked the original song on my ringtone, which, you may remember, was "Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes" by Paul Simon, featurinnnngg Lady SmithâAfrican AmericanâMambazo.
48245 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7189 Pam Good. Very good. Ohâno! Here. It's, uh, a text from Andy. "New special proj. Need fam tree for evbody. Really dig up dirt A.S.A.P." And then in parentheses, he wrote out "as soon as possible."
48246 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7189 Nellie Mm. Ugh, looks like its pretend-y time again. Write back, "looking for dirt."
48247 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7189 Pam Oh, can I help? We could say someone is related to, uhm, Tonya Harding.
48248 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7189 Nellie Pam, I'm related to Tonya Harding.
48249 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7189 Pam OhâgeeâI'mâ
48250 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7189 Nellie No! I'm just practicing my lyyiiinggg! I love it.
48251 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7189 Pam Brilliant!
48252 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7189 Nellie What should we say about Jim?
48253 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7189 Pam Ummm. Oh! I'll say he's related to Richard Nixon. It's an inside joke. He looks really Nixon-y when he wakes up.
48254 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7189 Nellie My ex behaved like Nixon. All of the lying. None of the sexual charisma. I just made a joke there.
48255 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7190 Pam I'm sorry. It's just, uhm, I actually do have this weird feeling that there's something Jim isn't telling me.
48256 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7190 Nellie Oh no! Oh! An affair! It is always an affair!
48257 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7190 Pam Jim? No.
48258 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7190 Nellie . How can you be sure?
48259 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7190 Pam Because he just loves me too much.
48260 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7190 Nellie You're a cocky little thing, aren't you, Pam?
48261 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7191 Andy I've done a little genealogy research of my own. Turn out I'm not the only one with a few skeletons in the ol' family closet. For example, Phyllis's great-great grandmother was responsible for spreading cholera to the United States.
48262 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7191 Angela Ew.
48263 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7191 Andy Kevin is related to both John Wayne Gacy and John Wayne Bobbitt.
48264 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7191 Kevin And John Wayne?
48265 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7191 Andy No. Not that I see here.
48266 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7191 Kevin Wayne Johnson? The Rock?
48267 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7191 Andy You mean Dwayne? And no. What about Jim Halpert? Uh oh! Turns out, distant relative of the reviled, Richard Nixon!
48268 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7192 Jim Pam always says I look like Nixon. That's crazy, right? I mean there's nothing there. Trueâ Oh no.
48269 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7193 Andy Dwight's grandfather was aâ.
48270 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7193 Dwight Was a member of the Bund. Which is not technically the same thing as the Nazi party. So...
48271 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7193 Andy I was gonna say he was a tax evader.
48272 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7193 Dwight Oh. I was joking about that whole Bund thing. Oh ho, the look on your faces! Hahhahahahahah! Hahahahahah!
48273 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7193 Andy And Meredith is a blood relative of Lizzie Borden.
48274 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7193 Meredith Cool! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
48275 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7193 Angela Stop it! Stop it! You're frightening me!
48276 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7193 Phyllis Andy, did you call this meeting just to talk junk about our families?
48277 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7193 Kevin Yeah, thatâyou're being really mean, Andy.
48278 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7193 Dwight Yeah, Andy.
48279 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7193 Andy No, I'm proving a point, okay? We all have ancestors who may have done horrible things in the past. But it's in the past and it's not our fault. So we don't have to talk about it.
48280 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7193 Oscar The difference is, Andy, that you're the only be here still benefitting from the terrible things that your ancestors did.
48281 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7193 Andy Might've done. And how... do you figure?
48282 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7193 Oscar Your family's rich! I have to believe that a big part of the Bernard fortune was earned on the backs of slaves.
48283 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7193 Andy You know, there's nothing wrong with being successful in America, Oscar! I'm not gonna apologize for my family's wealth. That wealth, could one day benefit society...if capital gains are ever taxed as the same rate as earned income.
48284 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7193 Oscar Really?
48285 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7193 Andy We merely transported them. Which at worst, makes us amoral middlemen.
48286 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7194 Andy Yo, d-dog. I need your help. I'm trying to think of things I can say that make it sound like I had a more difficult childhood than I actually had.
48287 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7194 Darryl You're gonna po' mouth
48288 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7194 Andy Exactly. Help me po' mouth, Darryl.
48289 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7194 Darryl Actually, Andy, you promised me five minutes to talk about productivity suggestionsâ
48290 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7194 Andy What if I said that my dad beat me. And, I just left out the croquet of it all. Or, I could just go all the way and just say I grew up in an apartment. Or is that too crazy?
48291 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7194 Darryl That could work.
48292 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7194 Andy You now, Darryl, this is textbook assistant regional manager stuff here, and I feel like I'm doing all the heavy lifting. I'm coming up with all the ideas here.
48293 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7194 Darryl I'm going for a walk.
48294 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7194 Andy Okay.
48295 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7195 Pam Good. Good. Andâ
48296 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7196 Jim You doing alright, man?
48297 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7196 Darryl I'm done. I gotta get out of here.
48298 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7196 Jim Yeah. Not the easiest day to be assistant regional manager.
48299 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7196 Darryl It's not just today, it's everyday. It seems like the better title I have, the stupider my job gets.
48300 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7196 Jim Oh, come on, it can always get better. Right?
48301 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7196 Darryl Hmm. Yeah right
48302 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7196 Jim No, I'm serious. There's always something better.
48303 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7196 Darryl Like what?
48304 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7196 Jim Like hypothetically... if I said there was another job. That you and I could both have.
48305 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7196 Darryl What kind of job?
48306 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7196 Jim Something cool. Like, sports marketing or... that sound something like you'd be into?
48307 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7196 Darryl Hell yeah!
48308 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7196 Jim Right?
48309 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7196 Darryl That sounds awesome!
48310 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7196 Jim Ok, but wait. What if I told you that it was in Philly! So you'd have to...
48311 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7196 Darryl I love Philly!
48312 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7196 Jim Right?
48313 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7196 Darryl It's not even a thoughtâ
48314 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7196 Jim Not even a thought! It's not even that far away! I could still commute! Exactly. Exactly! Alright!
48315 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7196 Darryl What? Wait, wait, wait? So what? This happening?
48316 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7196 Jim Oh, it's happening! Let's just keep it between you and me for right now.
48317 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7196 Darryl Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. For sure. for sure. Man! And Pam's into it?
48318 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7196 Jim We, uh, we haven't talked about. But I think that she'sâI think she understands... what this is.
48319 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7196 Darryl Oh, come on, man. I thought you had something real.
48320 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7196 Jim What? No, no, no! Come on! This is real!
48321 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7196 Darryl It's not real... until your wife is on board.
48322 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7197 Pam So what did you want to show me?
48323 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7197 Nellie That is quite an ugly wall, isn't it?
48324 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7197 Pam Yeah. It's really ugly
48325 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7197 Nellie Needs something, doesn't it? I'm thinking...a mural.
48326 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7197 Pam You mean me?
48327 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7197 Nellie Yes! You! You are soo talented! It's going to be my next special project. Hiring Scranton's most dangerous young muralist to paint the warehouse wall.
48328 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7197 Pam Oh my god! I love it! Uh, IâNellie, this is brilliant! Hey!
48329 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7197 Jim Hey! Can I talk you? For a second?
48330 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7197 Nellie Anything you have to say to her, you can say to me. She never loved you!
48331 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7197 Pam What?! No! I-I got this. Okay?
48332 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7197 Nellie This is his fault. It is not your fault. I'm gonna find you someone better, and rich.
48333 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7198 Nellie And Filipino. But we'll break that to her later.
48334 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7199 Nellie You know what this is all about.
48335 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7199 Darryl Yeah. You too, huh?
48336 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7199 Nellie Yeah. Go on, spill it. Tell her all the gory details, youuuu sssnake!
48337 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7200 Darryl Hey! He deserves this. And he said I could get in on it too. Yeah.
48338 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7200 Nellie Ohhh, Pam, nooo! Oh, I can't bear to watch this.
48339 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7201 Jim I don't know what I was so worried about. I have the best wife in the world.
48340 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7202 Pam I still can't believe he didn't tell me.
48341 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7203 Pam I was helping Nellie driveâ
48342 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7203 Stanley Do not care.
48343 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7204 Pete Fonas chek!
48344 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7204 Erin Dothraas! chek!
48345 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7204 Andy I like that guy. We should hook him up with Meredith.
48346 9 3 Andy's Ancestry 7204 Erin Hmmm!
48347 9 4 Work Bus 7205 Andy Alright everybody, great season of softball, I'm super proud of you guys and I think you're gonna like this little highlight reel that I put together.
48348 9 4 Work Bus 7205 Andy Andy Bernard presents: Summer Softball Epic Fails! Fail. Fail.
48349 9 4 Work Bus 7205 Andy Fail.
48350 9 4 Work Bus 7205 Oscar Is this like a blooper reel?
48351 9 4 Work Bus 7205 Dwight Fail!
48352 9 4 Work Bus 7205 Jim I deserved that.
48353 9 4 Work Bus 7205 Darryl That was a triple.
48354 9 4 Work Bus 7205 Andy Can't take the fail? Get out of the fail video!
48355 9 4 Work Bus 7205 Darryl My pleasure.
48356 9 4 Work Bus 7205 Video Andy Hey, I'm Pete, puberty is such a drag, man. And I'm Clark! I like to eat toilet paper. We fail!
48357 9 4 Work Bus 7205 Oscar What was that? That was just a normal video with you making vulgar noises.
48358 9 4 Work Bus 7205 Andy Well, I worked with what I had, Oscar. Next time do more failure stuff, OK?
48359 9 4 Work Bus 7205 Jim Uh, what happened to that video I sent you?
48360 9 4 Work Bus 7205 Andy Oh that wasn't...that didn't work. That was not the right..
48361 9 4 Work Bus 7205 Andy That was not a fail.
48362 9 4 Work Bus 7205 Group Fail! Fail! Fail!...
48363 9 4 Work Bus 7205 Andy That was actually a serious accident that could have resulted in severe bodily harm. You're all failing right now. Congratulations on your epic fail of the use of the word fail!
48364 9 4 Work Bus 7206 Dwight Oh, god.
48365 9 4 Work Bus 7206 Phyllis What's going on?
48366 9 4 Work Bus 7206 Dwight Nothing! Nothing is going on. Keep moving please.
48367 9 4 Work Bus 7206 Stanley What's he measuring?
48368 9 4 Work Bus 7206 Dwight OK, excuse me. I am the landlord. This is between me and the management, no one else. Please.
48369 9 4 Work Bus 7206 Toby It's an EMF hotspot.
48370 9 4 Work Bus 7206 Phyllis Oh my god!
48371 9 4 Work Bus 7206 Oscar It stands for electromagnetic field. Generally cause by a concentration of wiring in one area Especially if they're poorly insulated. Dwight.
48372 9 4 Work Bus 7206 Andy Um, OK I'm just walking into this. Am I to understand there is a bee hive in the wall?
48373 9 4 Work Bus 7206 Toby You think I have a machine for measuring bee hives?
48374 9 4 Work Bus 7206 Andy I was just asking a question, Toby. How are you not murdered every hour?
48375 9 4 Work Bus 7206 Stanley Well I'm not getting paid to work in a microwave oven.
48376 9 4 Work Bus 7206 Dwight OK, listen. Everything here is up to code.
48377 9 4 Work Bus 7207 Dwight Oh, the wires need insulation. It's a wire people. I'm not buying it a fur coat.
48378 9 4 Work Bus 7208 Pam Thank you.
48379 9 4 Work Bus 7208 Jim You got it.
48380 9 4 Work Bus 7209 Jim Last week, I finally told Pam about the other job I took in Philly...the side job. And she was so incredibly cool about it. And now I just wanna do something huge for her. Like if we were in some biker bar and she mouthed off to some bikers and they came lumbering over and I was like wham! Gotta go through me first.
48381 9 4 Work Bus 7210 Nellie Andy, could I have a word please? Um, it won't take a moment. It's extremely important and it really has to happen now.
48382 9 4 Work Bus 7210 Andy Fine. I will give you one minute.
48383 9 4 Work Bus 7210 Nellie Oh, please don't use the hourglass.
48384 9 4 Work Bus 7210 Andy You have one minute and your minute has begun and no time will be added at the end, even to accommodate this sentence with all of it's baroque dependent clauses and cascading turns of phrase.
48385 9 4 Work Bus 7210 Nellie I'm trying to adopt a baby.
48386 9 4 Work Bus 7210 Andy A baby what? A human?!
48387 9 4 Work Bus 7210 Nellie And the...agency require a character reference from my employer.
48388 9 4 Work Bus 7210 Andy Oh.
48389 9 4 Work Bus 7210 Nellie You wouldn't have to do anything. I would write the letter myself and you just simply sign it. So.
48390 9 4 Work Bus 7210 Andy Oh, OK. And fall right into your plagiarism entrapment scheme? I don't think so.
48391 9 4 Work Bus 7210 Nellie It's not..it's-
48392 9 4 Work Bus 7210 Andy And I happen to notice you're down to about thirty seconds here.
48393 9 4 Work Bus 7210 Nellie Well then if I could just convince...
48394 9 4 Work Bus 7210 Andy And those sand grains are tumbling..
48395 9 4 Work Bus 7210 Nellie You.
48396 9 4 Work Bus 7210 Andy With fury...
48397 9 4 Work Bus 7210 Nellie It's not..it's not
48398 9 4 Work Bus 7210 Andy Down the sides..
48399 9 4 Work Bus 7210 Nellie Entrapment if I'm..
48400 9 4 Work Bus 7210 Andy Of the hourglass..
48401 9 4 Work Bus 7210 Nellie ..writing..
48402 9 4 Work Bus 7210 Andy Time's up!
48403 9 4 Work Bus 7210 Nellie Fine.
48404 9 4 Work Bus 7211 Andy Sure. I'll read her letter. And if she tells the truth about how evil and unfit to be a mother she is, then yeah. I'll sign that.
48405 9 4 Work Bus 7212 Dwight "Statistical correlations exist between EMF radiation and various health hazards. But mainstream studies are inconclusive!" That means you can't make me do squat.
48406 9 4 Work Bus 7212 Meredith You better fix this. I already ditched my uterus and I ain't losing any more good parts.
48407 9 4 Work Bus 7212 Dwight You people don't realize what you're asking. I'd have to rip open the walls. We'd have to shut this place down for a week.
48408 9 4 Work Bus 7212 Pam Week off. That'd be great.
48409 9 4 Work Bus 7213 Darryl Hey, if you don't want to teach me Power Point, just say so.
48410 9 4 Work Bus 7213 Clark I don't want to teach you Power Point.
48411 9 4 Work Bus 7213 Darryl Come on! Just show me the Power Point.
48412 9 4 Work Bus 7213 Clark Just do the tutorial.
48413 9 4 Work Bus 7213 Darryl You're the tutorial.
48414 9 4 Work Bus 7213 Clark No, dude, I'm not. I'm not the tutorial.
48415 9 4 Work Bus 7213 Darryl You could be.
48416 9 4 Work Bus 7213 Clark Mm-mm.
48417 9 4 Work Bus 7213 Darryl What are you doing?
48418 9 4 Work Bus 7213 Jim Getting my wife a week off from work.
48419 9 4 Work Bus 7213 Darryl You popped one kernel.
48420 9 4 Work Bus 7213 Jim Awesome, right?
48421 9 4 Work Bus 7213 Clark So Creed is that dude's step dad?
48422 9 4 Work Bus 7213 Darryl Correct.
48423 9 4 Work Bus 7214 Jim Well, I don't know about the rest of you but I'm just gonna say it. I'm nervous. I have no idea what health problems this is all gonna cause.
48424 9 4 Work Bus 7214 Dwight What? Come on.
48425 9 4 Work Bus 7214 Creed I'm getting older. I'm losing my hair...
48426 9 4 Work Bus 7214 Meredith I'm not gonna grow a third arm!
48427 9 4 Work Bus 7215 Dwight I know what Jim is trying to do. He's trying to get big bad Dwight to shell out for a huge repair job while lucky Jimbo gets a paid vacation. Well sorry, lucky Jimbo, I can live very happily in a magnetic field. Most of my childhood heroes got their power that way.
48428 9 4 Work Bus 7216 Jim "Side effects of EMF include: headaches..."
48429 9 4 Work Bus 7216 Dwight Had 'em all my life.
48430 9 4 Work Bus 7216 Jim ..breast pain..."
48431 9 4 Work Bus 7216 Dwight No nobbies, no probbies. Nice try Jim.
48432 9 4 Work Bus 7216 Jim Oof. "Infertility."
48433 9 4 Work Bus 7216 Dwight Yeah right.
48434 9 4 Work Bus 7216 Jim Ah! There's my popcorn. Can you just grab that for me?
48435 9 4 Work Bus 7216 Dwight Psh. Keep your snacks on your side, Jim. Idiot. What the?
48436 9 4 Work Bus 7216 Jim What?
48437 9 4 Work Bus 7216 Dwight Some of these kernels have crowned.
48438 9 4 Work Bus 7216 Jim That's impossible, cause that's a brand new bag... Oh my god.
48439 9 4 Work Bus 7216 Dwight Andy!
48440 9 4 Work Bus 7217 Jim I'm gonna drive you up to the lake, give you a whole week on the water. Just you, me and the kids.
48441 9 4 Work Bus 7217 Pam Oh, can we stop by that pie stand on the way?
48442 9 4 Work Bus 7217 Jim You mean Laverne's Pies Tires Fixed Also? Yes we will be doing that. We'll be getting a dozen.
48443 9 4 Work Bus 7217 Pam A dozen different pies? Cause that means rhubarb.
48444 9 4 Work Bus 7217 Jim Why would you say that? I meant 4 apple, 4 blueberry, 2 cherry, 1 peach and 1 chocolate. I thought that was implied.
48445 9 4 Work Bus 7217 Pam Yeah, OK then.
48446 9 4 Work Bus 7217 Andy Ladies and gentlemen, I have heard your complaints and we reached a settlement.
48447 9 4 Work Bus 7217 Dwight So, we will be leaving the office for one whole week.
48448 9 4 Work Bus 7217 Meredith Nice job.
48449 9 4 Work Bus 7217 Dwight In my contract, it is stipulated that I provide a temporary work space. It will arrive in one hour.
48450 9 4 Work Bus 7217 Jim What?
48451 9 4 Work Bus 7218 Pam What's this?
48452 9 4 Work Bus 7218 Andy Whoa!
48453 9 4 Work Bus 7218 Jim What?
48454 9 4 Work Bus 7218 Dwight Bring it in!
48455 9 4 Work Bus 7219 Dwight Roll into the future with Work Bus. Say goodbye to wasteful buildings. These days a mobile office isn't just for hotshot politicians. Now anyone can rent a work bus. If you've got a parking lot, a work space is just a phone call away. In this age of belt tightening and less empowered workers, a work bus is how tomorrow gets things done.
48456 9 4 Work Bus 7219 Stanley There are a hundred packs..
48457 9 4 Work Bus 7219 Oscar No six after the eight, no....
48458 9 4 Work Bus 7219 Stanley Shh!
48459 9 4 Work Bus 7219 Oscar Shh!
48460 9 4 Work Bus 7219 Stanley Ninety nine cases..yeah.
48461 9 4 Work Bus 7219 Oscar Six.
48462 9 4 Work Bus 7219 Angela Ooh!
48463 9 4 Work Bus 7219 Pete Oh sorry! Sorry.
48464 9 4 Work Bus 7219 Angela Oh my god!
48465 9 4 Work Bus 7220 Erin Sorry.
48466 9 4 Work Bus 7220 Meredith Lose weight.
48467 9 4 Work Bus 7220 Erin I'm trying. Sorry.
48468 9 4 Work Bus 7221 Erin Oh, the Pennsylvania Department of Public Welfare Pre-Adoption Standard.
48469 9 4 Work Bus 7221 Nellie Oh of course, you were adopted.
48470 9 4 Work Bus 7221 Erin I wish! No, I um, I made some short lists. I had a couple sleepovers, but I never managed to get in the end zone. I don't know what it was. Not loveable maybe? Oh well.
48471 9 4 Work Bus 7221 Nellie Listen, I'm really struggling with this form. But as you know the system, you think maybe you could..?
48472 9 4 Work Bus 7221 Erin Absolutely. I know exactly what they want to hear. I would love to help.
48473 9 4 Work Bus 7221 Nellie Oh thank you so much!
48474 9 4 Work Bus 7221 Erin Just don't tell Andy, because..
48475 9 4 Work Bus 7221 Nellie He hates me and thinks I'm a monster. Should go back to Loch Ness.
48476 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Clark Stretch. Alright.
48477 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Stanley How many times do you need to take a stroll?
48478 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Clark I, my legs cramp up! Ok, it's a circulation issue.
48479 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Stanley Boy, I will hammer spank your rear.
48480 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Jim Alright, alright, gang. Let's just settle down. You're yelling in her face.
48481 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Clark It's a medical thing.
48482 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Jim Just...you good?
48483 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Clark I'm good. I..
48484 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Jim I'm so sorry for all of this.
48485 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Pam It's OK. You know what they say, a change is as good as a rest.
48486 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Angela I, I need to get to the paper please.
48487 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Pam Oh my god! Ah!
48488 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Jim I'll get you a napkin. Someone get napkins please!
48489 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Pam You know what? It's fine, it's fine. Let me just...it's fine.
48490 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Jim Pam, I'm really sorry. I- I'm really sorry about...all that. Really? Smirking?
48491 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Dwight What can I say? I love justice. You forced me to spend money on needless repairs, and uh now you're locked in a prison bus and your woman drips with beverage.
48492 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Jim Hey, Dwight. I was trying to do something nice for Pam. Can you just, help me out? Can we maybe take this thing somewhere? Or do something to not make this the worst day ever?
48493 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Dwight It's not my responsibility to solve your marriage problems by spending my money on gas.
48494 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Jim Andy!
48495 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Andy Yo. Dudeces.
48496 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Jim You're the boss. Don't you think we'd all be a lot more productive if while we were doing work we looked up and saw the best rural pie stand in Pennsylvania?
48497 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Phyllis Oh, I know I'd be more productive.
48498 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Kevin As would I.
48499 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Stanley No question.
48500 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Dwight No. No! This is a work bus. The wheels are for transporting the work space to and from the work site.
48501 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Jim What are you talking about? You're not the boss. Andy is. Andy?
48502 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Phyllis, Kevin, Stanley Pies! Pies! Pies! Pies! Pies!
48503 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Andy Alright! The fat people have spoken! Dwight, get this bus moving.
48504 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Erin Yes!
48505 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Jim Next stop: Laverne's Pies Tires Fixed Also.
48506 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Pam Oh! Yes!
48507 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Jim So it looks like this work bus was a pretty good idea after all, huh?
48508 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Dwight Get your foot behind the yellow line.
48509 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Jim You got it.
48510 9 4 Work Bus 7222 Erin Yeah Jim!
48511 9 4 Work Bus 7223 Darryl Stop.
48512 9 4 Work Bus 7223 Clark Come back.
48513 9 4 Work Bus 7223 Darryl Too late.
48514 9 4 Work Bus 7223 Clark Mmm.
48515 9 4 Work Bus 7224 Group Shabooyah, role call. Shabooyah, yah yah shabooyah, role call.
48516 9 4 Work Bus 7224 Pam My name is Pam.
48517 9 4 Work Bus 7224 Group Yeah!
48518 9 4 Work Bus 7224 Pam I like to paint.
48519 9 4 Work Bus 7224 Group Yeah!
48520 9 4 Work Bus 7224 Pam You think you're better?
48521 9 4 Work Bus 7224 Group Yeah!
48522 9 4 Work Bus 7224 Pam Oh no you ain't!
48523 9 4 Work Bus 7224 Group Role Call! Shabooyah, yah yah shabooyah role call! Shabooyah, yah yah shabooyah, role call!
48524 9 4 Work Bus 7224 Kevin My name is Kevin.
48525 9 4 Work Bus 7224 Group Yeah!
48526 9 4 Work Bus 7224 Kevin That is my name.
48527 9 4 Work Bus 7224 Group Yeah!
48528 9 4 Work Bus 7224 Kevin They call me Kevin.
48529 9 4 Work Bus 7224 Group Yeah!
48530 9 4 Work Bus 7224 Kevin Cause that's my name.
48531 9 4 Work Bus 7224 Group Role call! Shabooyah, yah yah shabooyah role call! Shabooyah, yah yah shabooyah role call!
48532 9 4 Work Bus 7225 Creed Thanks. Playing a little hookey from work today....Oh my god.
48533 9 4 Work Bus 7226 Andy Dunder Mifflin road trip twenty twelve! Ah OK, now a serious one.
48534 9 4 Work Bus 7226 Pam Hey, where's Dwight? He should be a part of this. Has he been acting kinda weird to you lately?
48535 9 4 Work Bus 7226 Jim If by lately you mean the last twelve years, yeah.
48536 9 4 Work Bus 7226 Pam No, I mean he's sulking. That's not like him.
48537 9 4 Work Bus 7226 Jim He's just mad that we're all having fun.
48538 9 4 Work Bus 7226 Pam Then why isn't he scheming? Or preparing to avenge?
48539 9 4 Work Bus 7226 Jim He's fine. He's indestructible.
48540 9 4 Work Bus 7227 Erin Always say that a child is placed for adoption, never surrendered. We're not hostages.
48541 9 4 Work Bus 7227 Nellie Well, I have considered kidnapping one.
48542 9 4 Work Bus 7227 Erin Never say that.
48543 9 4 Work Bus 7228 Erin I am so excited thinking about this child you're going to adopt.
48544 9 4 Work Bus 7228 Nellie I wish I could just wave a magic wand and make you a parentless five year old again. I would snap you up.
48545 9 4 Work Bus 7229 Stanley Next stop pies!
48546 9 4 Work Bus 7229 Group Next stop pies!
48547 9 4 Work Bus 7229 Kevin Next stop pies!
48548 9 4 Work Bus 7229 Jim Let's go driver! Laverne packs up the pie wagon at five so...
48549 9 4 Work Bus 7229 Kevin At five? That's only twenty minutes from now. The pie shop is thirteen miles away. So at fifty five miles an hour that just gives us five minutes to spare.
48550 9 4 Work Bus 7229 Angela So wait, when pies are involved you can suddenly do math in your head?
48551 9 4 Work Bus 7229 Kevin Wh...
48552 9 4 Work Bus 7229 Oscar Hold on, Kevin, how much is 19,154 pies divided by 61 pies?
48553 9 4 Work Bus 7229 Kevin 314 pies.
48554 9 4 Work Bus 7229 Oscar What if it were salads?
48555 9 4 Work Bus 7229 Kevin Well, it's the...carry the four...and...it doesn't work.
48556 9 4 Work Bus 7229 Dwight I'm sorry to spoil Jim's fantastic voyage everyone, but we're almost out of gas.
48557 9 4 Work Bus 7229 Jim OK, well I saw a station about a mile back so, chop chop.
48558 9 4 Work Bus 7229 Dwight That name brand place? Nope forget about it, sorry. The tanks are so big on this thing, five cents a gallon extra, that really adds up.
48559 9 4 Work Bus 7229 Jim Are you kidding me? Dwight, come on!
48560 9 4 Work Bus 7229 Pam Hey honey, I don't think we should push him.
48561 9 4 Work Bus 7229 Jim Oh no, I'm gonna push him. You know why? Because you're getting a pie. Why? Cause you deserve it. And what is he doing? He's trying to drive us all around the countryside looking for gas because he knows we won't get there. Is that what we want?!
48562 9 4 Work Bus 7229 Group No!
48563 9 4 Work Bus 7229 Dwight Stop ordering me around, Jim!
48564 9 4 Work Bus 7229 Jim What do we want?!
48565 9 4 Work Bus 7229 Group Pies!
48566 9 4 Work Bus 7229 Jim When do we want it?!
48567 9 4 Work Bus 7229 Group Pies!
48568 9 4 Work Bus 7229 Dwight OK, fine. You win. Jim, you win. We have been battling for a long time, but you know what? You win, cause you are the winner, you are the alpha male, there you go. Alpha male, go buy your wife a pie. Go buy the whole world a pie.
48569 9 4 Work Bus 7229 Jim That's impossible. Dwight!
48570 9 4 Work Bus 7229 Meredith Oh my!
48571 9 4 Work Bus 7229 Jim What are you doing?
48572 9 4 Work Bus 7229 Meredith Dwight, what the hell?
48573 9 4 Work Bus 7229 Oscar Dwight!
48574 9 4 Work Bus 7229 Clark What?
48575 9 4 Work Bus 7229 Kevin Well now I don't even feel like pie. Wait...no it's back.
48576 9 4 Work Bus 7230 Phyllis Just drive away. Just..
48577 9 4 Work Bus 7230 Pam Phyllis! That's not safe.
48578 9 4 Work Bus 7230 Kevin Guys, we only have eighteen minutes left. At sixty one miles an hour we're just gonna barely make it.
48579 9 4 Work Bus 7230 Pam Go up and check on him. He's upset.
48580 9 4 Work Bus 7230 Jim You know he's doing all this on purpose.
48581 9 4 Work Bus 7230 Pam Please? Just make sure he's OK?
48582 9 4 Work Bus 7230 Stanley Hurry it up for god's sake. They're gonna be out of banana cream!
48583 9 4 Work Bus 7230 Andy Banana cream is the first to go. We'll be lucky to get pumpkin at this point!
48584 9 4 Work Bus 7230 Meredith What?
48585 9 4 Work Bus 7231 Jim Dwight? Why are you such a jerk? I am trying to do something for my wife and you keep derailing-
48586 9 4 Work Bus 7231 Dwight I'm barren, Jim.
48587 9 4 Work Bus 7231 Jim What?
48588 9 4 Work Bus 7231 Dwight My trouser hives are void of honey. I had congress with Angela and the child that she bore did not issue from my loins. I thought I would be a father and instead I am a eunuch. Neutered by my own building.
48589 9 4 Work Bus 7231 Jim Is this about the popcorn? Or the X on the ceiling? Dwight, that was a prank.
48590 9 4 Work Bus 7231 Dwight You mean you flooded my building with dangerous electromagnetic radiation as a prank?
48591 9 4 Work Bus 7231 Jim No.
48592 9 4 Work Bus 7231 Dwight That's genius. That's the best prank you've ever done.
48593 9 4 Work Bus 7231 Jim I'll take it.
48594 9 4 Work Bus 7232 Nellie Andy?
48595 9 4 Work Bus 7232 Andy Who is it?
48596 9 4 Work Bus 7232 Nellie Um, is this a good time?
48597 9 4 Work Bus 7232 Andy Yeah. Perfect time. I'm right in the middle of a rooftop crisis. Fine, let me read it. What do we have here? Uh, ok, blah blah blah blah blah, dah dah dah dah dah dah, you've made this very easy for me. It's unsignable.
48598 9 4 Work Bus 7232 Nellie Oh, why, is there something?
48599 9 4 Work Bus 7232 Andy It's inaccurate, dishonest and...in a word? Dongwater.
48600 9 4 Work Bus 7232 Nellie Ah well, perhaps I could rewrite some of the-
48601 9 4 Work Bus 7232 Andy Here's the thing, you asked me to do you a favor? I did it. I read it. Thank you very much to me for my time. Good luck with your impossible dream.
48602 9 4 Work Bus 7232 Nellie Alright then.
48603 9 4 Work Bus 7233 Jim Dwight, sometimes it takes couples years to get pregnant.
48604 9 4 Work Bus 7233 Dwight Really? How long did it take you and Pam to conceive?
48605 9 4 Work Bus 7233 Jim That doesn't matter.
48606 9 4 Work Bus 7233 Dwight What position did you use to conceive?
48607 9 4 Work Bus 7233 Jim Ok...that's not...
48608 9 4 Work Bus 7233 Dwight Regular? Or lady on her back? You used lady on her back, didn't you, you freak. Yuck, gross. Never mind, Jim.
48609 9 4 Work Bus 7234 Andy British women. Famously overemotional. Am I right?
48610 9 4 Work Bus 7234 Pete I don't think that's Nelly.
48611 9 4 Work Bus 7234 Andy What?
48612 9 4 Work Bus 7234 Nellie Oh, oh no, no. Look, it's alright. It really isn't your fault. No, no. Look, it's...you were so kind. And it isn't anything to do with you.
48613 9 4 Work Bus 7235 Jim Did you ever think that because you own the building, everyone in it, we're all kinda like your children?
48614 9 4 Work Bus 7235 Dwight You know there's a phrase about that in German. Bildenkinder. Used almost exclusively by childless landlords to console themselves. But now? I really understand it.
48615 9 4 Work Bus 7235 Jim Well, now you have a bus full of real..bilden..kin..
48616 9 4 Work Bus 7235 Dwight Bildenkinder.
48617 9 4 Work Bus 7235 Jim OK. And they're all dangerously close to not getting pie. And there's only one guy who can save them. It's not me.
48618 9 4 Work Bus 7236 Pam Oh! Hey! How'd it go?
48619 9 4 Work Bus 7236 Jim It's pretty good actually.
48620 9 4 Work Bus 7236 Pam Yeah?
48621 9 4 Work Bus 7236 Jim We bonded. We got to-
48622 9 4 Work Bus 7236 Oscar Whoa! Whoa! Dwight!
48623 9 4 Work Bus 7236 Dwight When you don't get out of the way! Out of the way!
48624 9 4 Work Bus 7236 Pam You feel OK now?
48625 9 4 Work Bus 7236 Dwight Oh, better than OK. You know what honey? I'm gonna get you that rhubarb pie.
48626 9 4 Work Bus 7236 Pam Well, actually, rhubarb is-
48627 9 4 Work Bus 7236 Jim Don't..
48628 9 4 Work Bus 7236 Pam the one pie that I don't.
48629 9 4 Work Bus 7236 Jim Don't..
48630 9 4 Work Bus 7236 Dwight Everybody! Hang on!
48631 9 4 Work Bus 7236 Angela Oh!
48632 9 4 Work Bus 7237 Jim Pie! Pie! Pie!
48633 9 4 Work Bus 7237 Group Pie! Pie! Pie! Pie!
48634 9 4 Work Bus 7238 Nellie Oh.
48635 9 4 Work Bus 7238 Andy I changed my mind.
48636 9 4 Work Bus 7238 Nellie Oh, you signed it?
48637 9 4 Work Bus 7238 Andy Yeah. Not as is, obviously. Made a couple changes. Added some sentences at the end. Trust me it needed it. Well, yeah, whatever. So.
48638 9 4 Work Bus 7239 Nellie "She's tough in business, but tender with the people she cares about. She'll make a wonderful mother to any child who can overlook weird accents."
48639 9 4 Work Bus 7240 Kevin I insult you, Oscar.
48640 9 4 Work Bus 7240 Oscar What?
48641 9 4 Work Bus 7240 Kevin I insult you! To your face!
48642 9 4 Work Bus 7240 Oscar I don't know what you're talking about.
48643 9 4 Work Bus 7240 Kevin Then why don't you do something about it?
48644 9 4 Work Bus 7240 Oscar Kevin, are you trying to get me to hit you? In the face with my pie?
48645 9 4 Work Bus 7240 Kevin You don't have the guts. You stupid, dumb, doo doo face! Yes!
48646 9 4 Work Bus 7241 Pam Oh my god. I'm getting so stuffed.
48647 9 4 Work Bus 7241 Jim We did it.
48648 9 4 Work Bus 7241 Pam You did it.
48649 9 4 Work Bus 7242 Andy My name is Andy!
48650 9 4 Work Bus 7242 Group Yeah.
48651 9 4 Work Bus 7242 Andy I don't do drugs!
48652 9 4 Work Bus 7242 Group Yeah.
48653 9 4 Work Bus 7242 Andy Now check the style!
48654 9 4 Work Bus 7242 Group Yeah.
48655 9 4 Work Bus 7242 Andy Of Flatt & Scruggs!
48656 9 4 Work Bus 7242 Group Yeah.
48657 9 4 Work Bus 7242 Pam Role call.
48658 9 4 Work Bus 7242 Phyllis Role call.
48659 9 4 Work Bus 7242 Oscar Role call.
48660 9 4 Work Bus 7242 Creed What?
48661 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7243 Dwight This year I decided to really get into the spirit of Halloween.
48662 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7244 Dwight It may have been the costliest decision I've ever made.
48663 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7245 Dwight My greased up head went into the pumpkin no problem, but ...
48664 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7245 Jim It won't budge.
48665 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7245 Dwight I can't get it out. Try again!
48666 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7246 Dwight I mean, I could try destroying the pumpkin...
48667 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7246 Dwight Jim, no. No. No! No!
48668 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7247 Dwight But as Jim and I discovered... No! ... any blow to the pumpkin itself could prove fatal to me.
48669 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7248 Dwight At first I drove myself crazy thinking about the things I should have done differently. I never should have played that joke on Erin. I never should have hollowed out this damn pumpkin in the first place. Then I realized that I was being silly. I mean the pumpkin should rot off of my head in a month or two. Right?
48670 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7249 Erin Hey guys.
48671 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7249 Pam Hey.
48672 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7249 Erin Pam, what are you?
48673 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7249 Pam I am Dr. Cinderella.
48674 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7249 Jim Cece's really into princesses now. So we decided to turn them into a positive female role models.
48675 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7249 Pam I'm an oncologist and you are a dog.
48676 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7249 Erin No, I'm a puppy. Dang it! I was worried that would happen.
48677 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7249 Jim It's Okay.
48678 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7249 Erin Uh, Jim, you're not dressed up at all.
48679 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7249 Jim Sure I am. I am... one of the Men in Black guys. Can I have your sunglasses?
48680 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7249 Erin Jim, come on. I thought we were past this.
48681 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7250 Pam So the sports marketing business that Jim told everyone about except for me?
48682 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7250 Jim There's a big investment lunch today, so I decided to skip the costume.
48683 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7250 Pam Unless he has a secret costume that he told everyone about except for me.
48684 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7250 Jim Gettin' a lot of mileage out of this, aren't ya?
48685 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7250 Pam Yeah, well, get used to it, bud.
48686 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7251 Andy A jitterbug. You guys look great! Just a reminder. The party is right after lunch, so make sure you get all your work done before that or throw it out. Any questions?
48687 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7251 Angela The senator will be joining us later.
48688 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7251 Andy Not a question.
48689 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7251 Angela No, it wasn't.
48690 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7251 Andy Excellent. That reminds me, has anyone seen Treble? Anyone? I could have sworn I saw some Treble somewhere.
48691 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7251 Andy Oh, ladies and gentlemen, Here Comes Treble!
48692 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7251 Andy Aaah! So good!
48693 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7251 Dwight What lab did these little clones escape from?
48694 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7251 Andy My Cornell a capella group.
48695 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7251 Pam You were in an a capella group?
48696 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7251 Darryl You went to Cornell?
48697 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7251 Andy Yah! ah. Okay. Ha ha ha ha. But you have no idea how lucky you are because HCT is doing a set at our halloween party.
48698 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7251 Stanley Ugh. I don't want to sit through a whole concert of that.
48699 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7251 Clark I do. I love the boss's interests.
48700 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7251 Andy Atta boy Clark!
48701 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7251 Meredith Where you boys stayin? How does it work in the rooms? Do you get a privacy partition?
48702 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7251 Andy No. Nope. Nope nope nope. Stay away.
48703 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7252 Andy You know what I just realized? They might actually call me up to solo on George Michael's Faith. That was one of my signature songs. Oh, man. That would be insane. I'm so not prepared.
48704 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7253 Jim Are you sure you're okay with me putting in this much money.
48705 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7253 Pam Yeah. I mean, listen if we're gonna do this thing, we should do it right.
48706 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7253 Jim You're the best.
48707 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7253 Pam I kind of am. It's crazy.
48708 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7253 Jim Okay. I'll see you in a little bit.
48709 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7253 Pam Okay.
48710 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7253 Dwight Jim. Look I'm eating you.
48711 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7253 Jim Shut up.
48712 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7253 Dwight Ha ha. Hey Erin, look, these are Nerds. I'm eating Jims.
48713 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7253 Dwight Must eat more Jims. Oink oink oink oink.
48714 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7253 Erin Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
48715 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7253 Dwight Oh no, I'm spilling Jim all over the carpet.
48716 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7253 Erin Stop it stop it stop it stop it!
48717 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7253 Dwight Hello little pill. What do you do?
48718 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7254 Dwight Dumatril is licensed to treat anxiety symptoms, such as panic attacks, excessive worrying, and fear. Translation: There's a madman in our midst.
48719 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7255 Pam Okay I give up. What are you?
48720 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7255 Nellie I'm sexy Toby.
48721 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7255 Pam Gross. I love it.
48722 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7255 Dwight Dumatril!
48723 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7255 Nellie Something wrong Dwight?
48724 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7255 Dwight Dumatril.
48725 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7255 Nellie Yes?
48726 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7255 Dwight This is a pill that I found here in the office. But it's not for worms or eczema like any normal pill. It's not for any disorder of the body. It's for a disorder of the mind.
48727 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7255 Nellie The mind is part of the body.
48728 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7255 Dwight Okay, this is a pill that combats insanity, okay? Whoever is taking it is not only insane... They are now off their meds.
48729 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7255 Nellie Dwight, our co-workers' health issues are really none of our business so-
48730 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7255 Dwight Why are you trying so hard to bury this thing, huh? What's going on Nellie? Talk to me.
48731 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7255 Nellie Hm?
48732 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7256 Nellie It's my pill. I have an anxiety issue and I'm not ashamed of that, But I'm not loving the idea of Dwight having that information. I once saw him yell at Phyllis for sneezing wrong.
48733 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7257 Nellie Yeah, you're right. This man needs to be apprehended.
48734 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7257 Dwight I'll get my apprehension kit.
48735 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7258 Andy Ruh duh duh da dudes! What's up?
48736 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7259 Andy I know that it's pathetic to re-live your college years, but cut me some slack, Okay? Because I was a freaking rock star in college. When I joined Here Comes Treble, that's when I became somebody. When I got the nickname "Boner Champ," that is when I became me.
48737 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7260 Andy You didn't come here to sit in a room, right? You came here for some intergenerational bro time. Well, now's your chance! I'm here. You got Qs; I got As.
48738 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7260 HCT Member #1 Did you say you've got AIDS?
48739 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7260 Andy No, I don't have AIDS. That's not what I said. Next question.
48740 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7260 Andy You don't have any-- Any questions about the old days? You at least want to know why they call me Boner Champ?
48741 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7260 HCT Member #2 I thought Broccoli Rob was the Boner Champ.
48742 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7260 Andy I'm sorry, what?
48743 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7260 HCT Member #2 I just thought Broccoli Rob was the Boner Champ.
48744 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7260 Andy Broccoli Rob was Broccoli Rob. Andy Bernard is the Boner Champ.
48745 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7261 Pete I didn't realize that everybody here dresses up every year.
48746 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7261 Creed Me neither.
48747 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7262 Creed It's Halloween. That is really, really good timing.
48748 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7263 Andy I was just talking to some of the actives, and they think that you're Boner Champ.
48749 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7263 Broccoli Rob I'm so sorry! I don't know how that could have happened.
48750 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7263 Andy Did you maybe tell them that or...?
48751 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7263 Broccoli Rob I just-- I just started yappin' about the old days, and I guess the wine coolers were flowing, and, you know, somehow things just got hinky.
48752 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7263 Andy Could you just call them and tell them the truth? 'Cause I know it's really stupid, but it's also really, really, really important.
48753 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7263 Broccoli Rob Will do. I love you, Andy.
48754 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7263 Andy Love you too.
48755 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7264 Businessman #1 So the workspace looks awesome.
48756 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7264 Jim Wow.
48757 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7264 Businessman #2 And the graphic designer is going to be sending in some of the logo treatments. I can't wait to see them.
48758 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7264 Businessman #3 You guys rock.
48759 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7264 Businessman #1 I killed it.
48760 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7264 Businessman #2 I've also been running the numbers and between our backers and our own investments, we're looking great for a full year on this.
48761 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7264 Jim Oh, uh, is it too late to get in?
48762 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7264 Businessman #3 Oh Jim, I explained everything. So you're all set.
48763 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7264 Jim Oh, I actually talked to my wife and we'd really like to uh you know, invest - get in on the ground floor.
48764 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7264 Businessman #2 Wow, well what level of investment were you thinking about?
48765 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7264 Jim We were thinking somewhere between five - ten thousand? I can do the full ten thousand. We should just - - all in.
48766 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7264 Businessman #3 Welcome aboard!
48767 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7264 Jim All right. Awesome. Cool.
48768 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7265 Dwight Hi Daryl. I'm just here to smear some peanut butter on my forehead.
48769 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7265 Nellie You know, to uh, to protect his brain from the nanobots that the government put in the air conditioning.
48770 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7265 Dwight That makes sense to you, right? Or does it sound... crazy?
48771 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7265 Darryl I can't really picture it. Can you... get it on there. Yeah. And maybe, get the cheeks.
48772 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7265 Dwight So this makes sense then. Or is it crazy?
48773 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7265 Darryl Get under your chin first. Yeah.
48774 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7265 Dwight Is that where the nanobots like to come in?
48775 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7265 Darryl Take it all the way up to your lip, yeah.
48776 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7265 Dwight Is that how they like to get in?
48777 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7265 Darryl Yeah, that's crazy.
48778 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7265 Dwight I don't know. I just don't know.
48779 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7266 Andy Yo! Bad boys of a capella.
48780 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7266 HCT Hey.
48781 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7266 Andy Heard any good stories lately? Or new twists on old stories?
48782 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7266 HCT Member #3 Yeah, I got a call from Broccoli Rob. I guess you really are the Boner Champ.
48783 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7266 Andy Did he tell you how I got the name?
48784 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7266 HCT Member #3 No.
48785 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7266 Andy Spring sing â˜95. Got completely ripped on Bud Dries. I had s*x with a snowman. I just went at that thing. Cold would have stopped most people but I stayed locked in, you know. Took the face off. It just seemed easier that way.
48786 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7267 Angela And I told Phyllis not to put it out, but she insisted. So, anyway... Hi! Oh, Oscar, remember my husband, the senator?
48787 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7267 Oscar Senator Lipton, nice to see you.
48788 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7267 Senator Lipton Nice to see you Oscar.
48789 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7267 Angela Wait a second, who designed this spread? The sweets and savories are all mixed together. This is mayhem!
48790 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7267 Senator Lipton So Oscar, you're a dinosaur.
48791 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7267 Oscar Actually I'm the electoral college.
48792 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7267 Senator Lipton Ouch! Right on target.
48793 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7267 Angela You know what? This is outrageous. I have to find Phyllis. You two talk, okay? Sorry babe.. Phyllis!
48794 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7267 Senator Lipton God, it's just so good to see you.
48795 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7267 Oscar I, uh, huh, just
48796 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7267 Senator Lipton All having this wonderful Halloween gathering. Excuse me, is that punch?
48797 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7268 Andy They didn't know about the snowman story, and when I told â˜em, they were not impressed.
48798 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7268 Erin What is with these turkeys?
48799 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7268 Andy Right?
48800 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7269 Erin Hey! You better do â˜Faith.' You get me?
48801 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7269 HCT Member #3 We don't know it.
48802 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7269 Erin So learn it. You all go to Cornell, you're like eight Rain men. Just learning the friggin' song.
48803 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7269 HCT Member #3 Look, I know it was big with the old guys, but--
48804 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7269 Erin Buts... are for pooping. Okay? Make it work. You have to or Andy will flip out... And make it a surprise, please. This isn't stupid.
48805 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7269 Pete What?
48806 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7270 Toby Hey.
48807 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7270 Dwight Hey.
48808 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7270 Nellie Hey Toby.
48809 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7270 Toby Are... are you me?
48810 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7270 Nellie Yes.
48811 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7270 Toby Oh my goodness, look. Look at this.
48812 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7270 Nellie Yeah. I...
48813 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7270 Nellie Yes. I thought I'd you know, be you.
48814 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7270 Toby Look at.. Look at me.
48815 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7270 Nellie It's funny right?
48816 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7270 Dwight All right. All right, just ...stay focused on the pill.
48817 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7270 Nellie Okay, look Dwight, let's just call this thing off. I mean, it's just an anxiety pill. Lots of people have anxiety.
48818 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7270 Dwight You think I don't have anxiety? I have anxiety all the time. Every waking moment of my life is sheer torture. I have land disputes I've got to settle and idiot cousins to protect. And ne'er- do- well siblings to take care of. But I don't need some stupid pill to get me through all this.
48819 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7270 Meredith Cool. Free upper.
48820 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7270 Dwight Ah ha! Ha!!! The jig is up, psychopath! Ah yeah! Gotcha!
48821 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7270 Meredith Don't dog catch me!
48822 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7270 Dwight Gotcha! Yeah! Let's see ya get out of this web, huh?
48823 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7270 Meredith Let me out!
48824 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7270 Nellie The pill is mine.
48825 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7270 Dwight What?
48826 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7270 Nellie Get her out.
48827 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7270 Dwight Oh.
48828 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7270 Meredith Stop baggin' my head!
48829 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7270 Nellie Oh Dwight, look, its just a pill, all right? It's for anxiety. I take it every day. And it makes me feel better. And maybe it could help you too.
48830 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7271 Pam Hey, how'd it go?
48831 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7271 Jim Oh man, it was great. They were great.
48832 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7271 Pam Did you end up investing?
48833 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7271 Jim I did, yeah.
48834 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7271 Pam How much?
48835 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7271 Jim Uh, man, by the end I guess it was about... ten...
48836 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7271 Pam About ten?
48837 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7271 Jim Ten. It was the full ten.
48838 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7271 Pam Wow.
48839 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7271 Jim Yeah.
48840 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7271 Pam Wow.
48841 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7271 Jim Yeah. Yeah. It's a good thing we talked about it though, because we had to...
48842 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7271 Pam No yeah. Yeah.
48843 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7271 Jim Yeah.
48844 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7271 Pam So did everybody ...
48845 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7271 Jim What is it?
48846 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7271 Pam Did everybody end up investing ten thousand?
48847 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7271 Jim Um, oh man, I don't actually know.
48848 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7271 Pam What?
48849 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7271 Jim They weren't really talking that much about money. They just said, We're good with investing and then I...and I...
48850 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7271 Andy Ladies and gentlemen, Here Comes Treble!
48851 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7271 Pam They said they were done with the investing and then you volunteered ten thousand dollars?
48852 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7271 Jim No, no, I had to. Look, I needed to look like a team player, Pam.
48853 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7271 Pam So you invested ten thousand dollars to look like a team player?
48854 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7271 Jim You weren't there.
48855 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7271 Jim It was very clear that ten thousand was what we had...we should talk about it later.
48856 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7271 Pam Talk about it now.
48857 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7271 Jim Pam.
48858 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7271 Pam Jim, that was most of our savings.
48859 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7271 Clark Wait! Wait. Hold on. Where's the band? â˜Cause there's just no way you guys are making this magic with just your mouths.
48860 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7271 Creed Yeah. That's what she said.
48861 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7272 Clark What, am I overdoing it? No. No.
48862 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7273 Pam We said some. We said â˜some.'
48863 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7273 Jim We'll talk about it later.
48864 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7273 Pam We said part not all.
48865 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7274 Clark Yes! All right!
48866 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7274 Andy Oh Man!
48867 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7274 Clark That's how you do that! Whoo!
48868 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7274 HCT Thank you.
48869 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7274 Stanley Show some pride. This is crap.
48870 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7274 Dwight I agree. Yes, crap. Continue.
48871 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7274 HCT Member #3 Now folks, by special request, we're going to take it a little old school. There is a former Trebler in this room.
48872 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7274 Darryl Who?
48873 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7274 HCT Member #3 It's Mr. Andy Bernard!
48874 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7274 Andy No. Do not sing that. Do not... Oh man...
48875 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7274 HCT Member #3 He reminded us today of how much he means to us. And we certainly seem to mean a lot to him, so without any further ado, here's an old Treble classic.
48876 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7274 Andy Whoa! Whoa! What the hell is Broccoli Rob doing here?
48877 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7274 HCT Member #3 She said you wanted to hear â˜Faith'. That's Broccoli Rob's signature song.
48878 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7274 Andy That's my signature song.
48879 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7274 HCT Member #3 I really didn't know that man. I just thought you wanted to hear it.
48880 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7274 Andy Russell, I'm dressed like George Michael.
48881 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7274 HCT Member #3 I thought you were Adam Lambert.
48882 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7274 Andy Wha...?
48883 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7275 Erin The more I hear about all this a capella drama, the more I think it's kind of pathetic. But when you're with someone, you put up with the stuff that makes you lose respect for them, and that is love.
48884 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7276 Erin Are you okay?
48885 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7276 Broccoli Rob He's still mad.
48886 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7276 Andy Shut up, Broccoli.
48887 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7276 Broccoli Rob Champ, I feel awful about this whole thing. Russell called me up. And they said they needed 20 cc's of George Michael stat. So just... Wham! I sprang into action. You know me. I assumed you wanted to hear me do your signature number.
48888 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7276 Andy You thought I wanted to sit in the audience like some slutty Treb rat? A man's signature solo is his for life, okay? That's group policy and you know it.
48889 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7276 Broccoli Rob Look, it's not my fault that I still live near campus, and it's my duty as an alum to be friendly to the young guys., and stop in two, three times a week.
48890 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7276 Andy Just don't do the song anymore.
48891 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7276 Broccoli Rob I tell you what, we'll have a sing-off for it. You pick twelve alums from any year to back you up and I'll do the same, and I'm so confident that I'll win, I won't even warm up.
48892 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7276 Andy Fine, go ahead. Thrash your pipes.
48893 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7276 Broccoli Rob My pipes are primo, Champ. Why don't you ask Trey Anastasio about my pipes?
48894 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7276 Andy I knew you would go there, you son of a bitch!
48895 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7276 Broccoli Rob He said, and I quote, â˜Hey Rob, nice pipes'. That happened!
48896 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7276 Andy OK, fine, yeah. that's one guy's opinion!
48897 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7276 Broccoli Rob That's real. 'That'll never change!
48898 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7276 Erin Okay!
48899 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7276 Andy Doesn't mean you're the best singer ever. Dick.
48900 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7277 Jim I thought that concert was pretty great.
48901 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7277 Kevin Oh yeah. I decided that acapelca music is awesome.
48902 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7277 Angela They lost me when they sang â˜Monster Mash'. That song obviously glorifies the occult.
48903 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7277 Jim Angela, it's Halloween. You have to sing â˜Monster Mash'.
48904 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7277 Pam Oh you have to Jim? You literally have to?
48905 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7277 Jim Uh...
48906 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7277 Pam No I'm just, I'm saying, what would happen if they didn't sing it? Would they go to jail? Would they be shot?
48907 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7277 Jim Okay. We'll, just forget it.
48908 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7277 Pam No! No, I'm interested. I mean I think everybody's interested in why they have to sing it.
48909 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7277 Jim Because it is Halloween. So if you're going to sing a concert, it's a good idea to throw that one in.
48910 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7277 Pam Yeah, yeah, no, no. It's a good idea to brush your teeth. But you have to um, feed your children. Send them to school. You know, all things you can't do if you just keep singing â˜Monster Mash.'
48911 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7278 Kevin It turns out, that Pam? Really, really hates â˜Monster Mash.' I mean like, never bring that song up in front of her. Even though Jim was making great points, like, in favor of the song, Pam was like, No! Hate it! Stupid!
48912 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7279 Andy This is all so silly right? What am I gonna do? Move back to Cornell?
48913 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7279 Erin Yeah.
48914 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7279 Andy I mean, what if we did that? Like we got jobs and we were happy all the time?
48915 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7279 Erin Oh well, Andy, we're not moving to Cornell.
48916 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7279 Andy Duh. I know. That would be insane.
48917 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7279 Erin Yeah.
48918 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7279 Andy It could totally work though. I don't know why we wouldn't. Oh my god are we doing this?
48919 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7279 Erin Oy. Andy, what's going on?
48920 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7279 Andy If I am not Boner Champ, I don't know who I am.
48921 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7279 Erin Well, um, you know maybe you're the wise old guy that the new uh, B-O-N-E-R champ looks up to. You know, you could just--
48922 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7279 Andy Make a donation.
48923 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7279 Erin Well, I was gonna say, be a mentor.
48924 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7279 Andy Yes. I am gonna make a donation. And it just so happens that I know someone who works at the Bernard Family Foundation. Her name is mom.
48925 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7279 Erin Oh.
48926 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7280 Dwight whispering] I want some of those pills.
48927 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7280 Nellie Oh, well good for you. I mean, you'll need a prescription.
48928 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7280 Dwight Oh, no. No, no, no. no. They're not for me. They're for my cousin Mose. He's just having a tough time, being wifeless, and a high pressure job and his crazy cousin Mose. Other cousin Mose.
48929 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7280 Nellie Mm. Got it. Well, you tell Mose that he's a good man and that I hope he feels better.
48930 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7280 Dwight Which one? Mose or the real Mose?
48931 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7280 Nellie The real Mose.
48932 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7280 Dwight He says Thank you.
48933 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7281 Andy Mom, I had this really charitable idea to set up this scholarship for a capella kids at Cornell and just need to wire some money over there. What?
48934 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7281 Erin What's wrong?
48935 9 5 Here Comes Treble 7281 Andy My parents are broke.
48936 9 6 The Boat 7282 Oscar Can you guys come with me for a minute?
48937 9 6 The Boat 7283 Oscar I know you saw me with the Senator. I think I'm in love, possibly for the first time. So yes, Senator Lipton and I are having an affair. I hope that I can count on your sensitivity, maturity and discretion. ...Why?
48938 9 6 The Boat 7284 Andy Alright, good. Yeah. Just sell it and get the best price you can, okay?
48939 9 6 The Boat 7284 White Or we can hope for a holiday rally?
48940 9 6 The Boat 7284 Andy White, I'm not a day trader, I'm just a first responder in a disaster.
48941 9 6 The Boat 7285 Pam Andy's family had a total meltdown. His dad blew through all their money and took off to Argentina with a younger woman.
48942 9 6 The Boat 7285 Jim And his brother, Walt Jr., locked himself in the wine cellar.
48943 9 6 The Boat 7285 Pam The weirdest part is Andy. The aftermath got dumped on him and the way he's been handling it is just..so..
48944 9 6 The Boat 7285 Jim Competent.
48945 9 6 The Boat 7285 Pam Right?
48946 9 6 The Boat 7286 Andy Are the 'Nard's hurting? Yeah, you bet. Got kicked pretty hard. Family shattered, super sad. But, I'm kinda crushing it in the damage control department. So, that's cool. I wish my dad could see me now. Of course he caused this whole mess, so, him.
48947 9 6 The Boat 7287 Oscar Kevin, listen to me. I'm in love with the Senator. And I need time to sort this out in a responsible matter so I need your help in keeping it a secret because this means the world to me. Ok?
48948 9 6 The Boat 7287 Kevin That's beautiful. No, I totally get that.
48949 9 6 The Boat 7287 Oscar Can you do this, Kevin?
48950 9 6 The Boat 7287 Kevin I really want to. Whatever happens, always remember that.
48951 9 6 The Boat 7287 Oscar I don't know what that means. Hey, hey-
48952 9 6 The Boat 7288 Pam Oh, great! Yeah, um, I'll get right back to you. Hey guys! Anyone ever heard of Iris Black on the radio?
48953 9 6 The Boat 7288 Creed Yeah, she hosts the Dr. Laura Show.
48954 9 6 The Boat 7288 Pam Nope, that's Dr. Laura. Well, her show Biz Whiz wants someone from Dunder Mifflin to come on the air today. Does anybody feel particularly passionate about local business issues?
48955 9 6 The Boat 7288 Dwight I do! I do. I do. I do. I do.
48956 9 6 The Boat 7289 Dwight The media can make you famous. And do you have any idea how easy it is to sell something when you're famous? "Uh, yeah wow. 10 reams of 40 pound bond at only $690 after discount? Um, whatever you say, Brad Pitt." It's that easy.
48957 9 6 The Boat 7290 Meredith Hey, so that good looking single brother of yours? Heard he's on a downward spiral with booze.
48958 9 6 The Boat 7290 Andy Yeah. He's in rehab actually.
48959 9 6 The Boat 7290 Meredith Which place? The one right near Philly? I could be there in an hour.
48960 9 6 The Boat 7290 Andy No, it's in New Mexico.
48961 9 6 The Boat 7290 Meredith Oh...So..- how are you holding up?
48962 9 6 The Boat 7290 Andy We're done Meredith.
48963 9 6 The Boat 7291 Dwight blah blah blah, rat tat tat tittle tattled and prattled on about the little metal bottle, she spat a bit of spittle...
48964 9 6 The Boat 7291 Jim Dwight!
48965 9 6 The Boat 7291 Dwight ...In a bitter battle..Hey, hey! Stop questioning my methods, OK? I was chosen for this task for a very good reason.
48966 9 6 The Boat 7291 Jim No, you chose yourself.
48967 9 6 The Boat 7291 Dwight Tricky siskel spat a bit of wicked biscuit....
48968 9 6 The Boat 7292 Andy Alright, guys. A lot of assets here that my dad couldn't steal. Now, first of all, there is the family boat. 43 foot Tartan Sloop. My lawyer has lined up a buyer in the Bahamas, the sale would cover the cost of a condo and living expenses for my mom.
48969 9 6 The Boat 7292 Darryl Sounds great.
48970 9 6 The Boat 7292 Oscar Perfect.
48971 9 6 The Boat 7292 Andy Totally, except it is a no go. This boat was the heart and soul of the family. So...what else we got? Non-boat ideas.
48972 9 6 The Boat 7292 Kevin What happened?
48973 9 6 The Boat 7292 Angela Jammed. This day couldn't get worse.
48974 9 6 The Boat 7292 Kevin Yeah, I think this day could get worse.
48975 9 6 The Boat 7292 Angela What does that mean?
48976 9 6 The Boat 7292 Oscar Kevin!
48977 9 6 The Boat 7292 Kevin I don't know what you're talking about.
48978 9 6 The Boat 7292 Erin She could get like sixty packages of Ramen noodles for five bucks. She could eat for a month.
48979 9 6 The Boat 7292 Andy Alright, what's the grand total? Did we make our nut?
48980 9 6 The Boat 7292 Darryl If we sell everything but the boat, your mom should be set for about six months.
48981 9 6 The Boat 7292 Andy Guys, you don't understand, this boat's been in our family since before I was born.
48982 9 6 The Boat 7292 Erin Don't you guys have that place where you used to spend your summers and have all those memories?
48983 9 6 The Boat 7292 Darryl I worked at a Jiffy Lube.
48984 9 6 The Boat 7292 Erin See? I bet you wouldn't sell that Jiffy Lube for all the money in the world. Would you Darryl?
48985 9 6 The Boat 7292 Darryl I would if I owned it and I went broke.
48986 9 6 The Boat 7292 Andy Alright, uh...alright. I'm gonna tell the lawyer to pull the trigger on the boat.
48987 9 6 The Boat 7293 Andy Yes the boat means everything to my family, but we need the money. Got the memories, don't need the boat. Can't cry about it. What are you gonna do? Cry about it? Excuse me.
48988 9 6 The Boat 7294 Pam Oh, OK. No problem. Thanks. Hey guys, WPTU called. The interview's off. They're opening a new cupcake store at the Steamtown Mall and Iris wants to cover that, so...
48989 9 6 The Boat 7294 Nellie Well why don't I go and tell Dwight so he can stop being such a complete nipple.
48990 9 6 The Boat 7294 Pam He's gonna be disappointed.
48991 9 6 The Boat 7294 Jim Yes. He is. And you know what? We cannot let that happen.
48992 9 6 The Boat 7295 Pete Fax?
48993 9 6 The Boat 7295 Erin Oh yeah, just. Watermelon teeth. This isn't how I would cheer up just anyone. But, it's a girlfriend's job to know her man and I know Andy. He's seriously juvenile.
48994 9 6 The Boat 7295 Pete Cool. He's like 40 though, right?
48995 9 6 The Boat 7295 Erin Oh no, he couldn't be more than late thirty's. Tops.
48996 9 6 The Boat 7295 Pete Awesome. Have fun.
48997 9 6 The Boat 7296 Dwight Vroom! Dunder Mifflin. Dunder Mifflin. Good. Sounds- This is Dwight Shrute.
48998 9 6 The Boat 7296 Pam Please hold for Ms. Black.
48999 9 6 The Boat 7296 Nellie And welcome back to Biz Whiz. I'm Iris Black. On the line we have Dunder Mifflin's senior sales associate Dwight Shrute.
49000 9 6 The Boat 7296 Dwight Iris, thank you so much for having me.
49001 9 6 The Boat 7297 Erin Hey! My teeth are all this stuff in my mouth.
49002 9 6 The Boat 7297 Andy Uh, did you need something?
49003 9 6 The Boat 7297 Erin Oh, I just need your signature on this.
49004 9 6 The Boat 7297 Andy Ok. thanks.
49005 9 6 The Boat 7298 Angela Kevin, we're out of 11-38 forms. Did you order more?
49006 9 6 The Boat 7298 Kevin I... did not.
49007 9 6 The Boat 7298 Angela I don't know why I'm surprised. Literally nothing you do could surprise me anymore.
49008 9 6 The Boat 7298 Kevin Oh really, Angela? That's interesting. Cause I do think that I could surprise you. I think that I could surprise you..oh! I have to go to the bathroom!
49009 9 6 The Boat 7298 Angela That doesn't surprise me.
49010 9 6 The Boat 7299 Oscar That actually wasn't the worst cover. I'd say at least once a week, Kevin runs out of the room shouting that he has to go to the bathroom.
49011 9 6 The Boat 7300 Jim See these forms...
49012 9 6 The Boat 7300 Kevin I have to go to the bathroom!
49013 9 6 The Boat 7301 Kevin I have to go to the bathroom!
49014 9 6 The Boat 7302 Erin Ok, who wants to go for a super fun lunch with a super fun girlfriend?
49015 9 6 The Boat 7302 Andy Look, it's not that I don't want-
49016 9 6 The Boat 7302 Erin Ok, come on. I got someone to cover the phones, I heard on the radio about a new cupcake place we could go for dessert...perfect.
49017 9 6 The Boat 7302 Andy All I ever wanted to do was sail the damn thing. But dad wouldn't let me. Said "You can't be a skipper until you're a man." You know, I'd reach for the wheel and he'd smack my hand away. Well guess what? Now I'm the man of the family and... we're selling the damn thing. So I'm never gonna have the chance.
49018 9 6 The Boat 7302 Erin Well, when does the boat leave, exactly?
49019 9 6 The Boat 7302 Andy Tonight.
49020 9 6 The Boat 7302 Erin Then screw lunch. Let's go for a sunset sail.
49021 9 6 The Boat 7302 Andy Yeah right. It's in Stamford, Connecticut. We have to leave like right now.
49022 9 6 The Boat 7302 Erin Ok, well then let's leave like right now.
49023 9 6 The Boat 7302 Andy Yeah, ok.
49024 9 6 The Boat 7302 Erin Yeah! OK! Let's go.
49025 9 6 The Boat 7302 Andy Seriously?
49026 9 6 The Boat 7302 Erin Of course, seriously. Get your coat on.
49027 9 6 The Boat 7302 Andy Alright.
49028 9 6 The Boat 7302 Erin Alright.
49029 9 6 The Boat 7302 Andy Let's do it.
49030 9 6 The Boat 7302 Erin Let's do it!
49031 9 6 The Boat 7303 Dwight Iris, let me tell you. David Wallace is the CEO, but he's not hands on.
49032 9 6 The Boat 7303 Nellie So the day-to-day operations are entirely under your command?
49033 9 6 The Boat 7303 Dwight Entirely is the perfect way to describe it, Iris.
49034 9 6 The Boat 7303 Nellie Uh, excuse me. I'm being told by my sound engineer, Steve that uh there is a clinking sound coming from your end. Does your shirt have buttons?
49035 9 6 The Boat 7303 Dwight Yes..?
49036 9 6 The Boat 7303 Nellie I'm so sorry we're going to have to ask you to remove the shirt all together.
49037 9 6 The Boat 7303 Dwight Now then, we were saying. When my workers-gather-
49038 9 6 The Boat 7303 Nellie Oh, I'm so sorry. I am told we are still having problems Mr. Shrute. Your voice, it's sounding a little feminine.
49039 9 6 The Boat 7303 Dwight That's impossible.
49040 9 6 The Boat 7303 Nellie Are you by any chance wearing pants with a metallic zipper?
49041 9 6 The Boat 7304 Angela The Senator is exhausted. This campaign is wearing him out.
49042 9 6 The Boat 7304 Oscar That's a tough one.
49043 9 6 The Boat 7304 Angela That man he's up against is so dirty. And the senator's just pushing back as hard as he can.
49044 9 6 The Boat 7304 Kevin Please, stop.
49045 9 6 The Boat 7304 Angela What?
49046 9 6 The Boat 7304 Kevin Please, stop.
49047 9 6 The Boat 7304 Angela Anyways, last night he was tired and just wanted a little Mexican brought in.
49048 9 6 The Boat 7304 Kevin I can't, it's too much!
49049 9 6 The Boat 7305 Oscar I'm in big trouble.
49050 9 6 The Boat 7306 Kevin Yeah, Oscar's in big trouble.
49051 9 6 The Boat 7307 Dwight OK, how is my voice now?
49052 9 6 The Boat 7307 Nellie I'm getting the all clear from Steve, so Mr. Shrute, what is your response to the consumer product safety commission that says Dunder Mifflin paper is toxic?
49053 9 6 The Boat 7307 Dwight This is gotcha journalism. You know what? They're not gonna gotch me.
49054 9 6 The Boat 7308 Oscar It's clearly not an accounting mistake.
49055 9 6 The Boat 7308 Toby Yeah.
49056 9 6 The Boat 7308 Oscar So...
49057 9 6 The Boat 7308 Toby Kevin. His gambling problem must've resurfaced. I'm gonna have to send him home until I can do an investigation.
49058 9 6 The Boat 7308 Oscar Well, you've gotta do what you've gotta do.
49059 9 6 The Boat 7309 Dwight This is slander, Ms. Black. Slander I say! I dare you to produce one credible source about this.
49060 9 6 The Boat 7309 Nellie Well, as it happens we have with us the foreman of your upstate New York paper mill, Sandra Mc...Sandra Mick
49061 9 6 The Boat 7309 Pam Good afternoon Iris, it's a pleasure.
49062 9 6 The Boat 7309 Nellie Let's get straight to the point. Is your paper toxic?
49063 9 6 The Boat 7309 Pam No the paper's not toxic.
49064 9 6 The Boat 7309 Dwight Thank you Sandra!
49065 9 6 The Boat 7309 Pam Unless it's exposed to oxygen. Then it becomes extremely toxic!
49066 9 6 The Boat 7309 Dwight Do not listen to her! This employee is obviously disgruntled!
49067 9 6 The Boat 7309 Jim What the heck is going on?! The stock prices are plummeting! Are you gonna take control of the message or do I have to send in someone who understands the media?!
49068 9 6 The Boat 7309 Dwight Get out of here moron!
49069 9 6 The Boat 7309 Nellie Excuse me, Mr. Dwight, who are you talking to?
49070 9 6 The Boat 7309 Dwight uhhhh....no one.
49071 9 6 The Boat 7309 Nellie Did you just call Ms. Mick a moron?
49072 9 6 The Boat 7309 Dwight No, everything's fine.
49073 9 6 The Boat 7309 Nellie Are you insulting my guests?
49074 9 6 The Boat 7310 Kevin Yeah, I will be right there. Hey Oscar, what if I'm getting a promotion?
49075 9 6 The Boat 7310 Oscar I hope that's it, Kevin.
49076 9 6 The Boat 7310 Kevin Me too. Cause then, I would get my own office. And I wouldn't screw up your secret with Angela. I've been really worried about that.
49077 9 6 The Boat 7311 Toby Hi, Kevin. Look, I need to talk to you about-
49078 9 6 The Boat 7311 Kevin Hi.
49079 9 6 The Boat 7311 Oscar Guys? Excuse me. Um, a quick word, please just..
49080 9 6 The Boat 7311 Kevin Oscar, we're in the middle of talking.
49081 9 6 The Boat 7311 Oscar Oh, you're right I'm so sorry. Snack machine on me.
49082 9 6 The Boat 7311 Kevin Oh that is nice. Classy move.
49083 9 6 The Boat 7311 Dwight That's what I'm saying! No of course not!
49084 9 6 The Boat 7311 Kevin What are you doing?
49085 9 6 The Boat 7312 Oscar Those figures I gave you? They're false.
49086 9 6 The Boat 7312 Toby How?
49087 9 6 The Boat 7312 Oscar I was mad at Kevin, we had a fight and I acted vindictively.
49088 9 6 The Boat 7312 Toby So you set him up.
49089 9 6 The Boat 7312 Oscar Yes, he's innocent.
49090 9 6 The Boat 7312 Toby I knew it. I knew it from the beginning it was possible.
49091 9 6 The Boat 7312 Oscar What are you talking about? I just did this now.
49092 9 6 The Boat 7312 Toby A few years ago, when I was on the jury of the Scranton Strangler..
49093 9 6 The Boat 7312 Oscar Sure.
49094 9 6 The Boat 7312 Toby I always thought he might have been set up but I felt pressured to convict.
49095 9 6 The Boat 7312 Oscar That's gotta be tough.
49096 9 6 The Boat 7312 Toby Tough? I put an innocent man on death row.
49097 9 6 The Boat 7313 Nellie The fallout from this morning's revelation continues to mount, since Mr. Dwight Shrute began speaking, Dunder Mifflin share prices fell 73%. Mr. Shrute, shareholders demand accountability from corporate leadership. Can we announce your resignation at this time?
49098 9 6 The Boat 7313 Dwight My resignation? What are you talking about? No! I was just following orders! Listen, the person responsible for this catastrophe is the CEO and chairman, David Wallace!
49099 9 6 The Boat 7314 Erin That's yours?
49100 9 6 The Boat 7314 Andy That's the family boat!
49101 9 6 The Boat 7314 Erin Oh my gosh, Andy! This is enormous!
49102 9 6 The Boat 7314 Andy Right?
49103 9 6 The Boat 7314 Erin I thought it was gonna be tiny. Oh my gosh it's beautiful. So this is how your family came to America.
49104 9 6 The Boat 7315 Boat Guy Move.
49105 9 6 The Boat 7315 Andy Sorry?
49106 9 6 The Boat 7315 Boat Guy Trying to rig a boat here. I don't know how to do that when you're standing in the way.
49107 9 6 The Boat 7315 Andy Sure, I um..I didn't know.
49108 9 6 The Boat 7315 Boat Guy I'm not a ghost, so I can't walk through people.
49109 9 6 The Boat 7315 Andy Ok.
49110 9 6 The Boat 7315 Erin Gee, he was salty.
49111 9 6 The Boat 7315 Andy Geez, a little bit. How you doing old buddy? Missed you.
49112 9 6 The Boat 7315 Erin What does that one do?
49113 9 6 The Boat 7315 Andy It raises the main sail. That was my job when we went sailing.
49114 9 6 The Boat 7315 Erin I wish I had seen you do it.
49115 9 6 The Boat 7315 Andy Really?
49116 9 6 The Boat 7315 Erin Yeah.
49117 9 6 The Boat 7315 Andy Up she goes!
49118 9 6 The Boat 7315 Boat Guy Don't do that. Don't do that.
49119 9 6 The Boat 7315 Andy Oh, it's OK. My girlfriend and I were actually gonna take her for a little spin and a picnic before you guys head out tonight. You know what? Get some dinner on me.
49120 9 6 The Boat 7315 Boat Guy Nope. Can't do that.
49121 9 6 The Boat 7315 Andy You got it. You know what then, we'll just take it for a quick little spin around the harbor.
49122 9 6 The Boat 7315 Boat Guy We've already started boarding. And no one is insured to rig her up right now except us.
49123 9 6 The Boat 7315 Andy You know what? Chill, ok? I own the boat. Not gonna sue myself. Alright, so just- wow.
49124 9 6 The Boat 7315 Boat Guy I can smack you all day if you keep touching what you're not supposed to touch.
49125 9 6 The Boat 7315 Andy Ok, fine.
49126 9 6 The Boat 7315 Boat Guy OK.
49127 9 6 The Boat 7315 Andy Yeah, fine.
49128 9 6 The Boat 7315 Boat Guy Good stuff.
49129 9 6 The Boat 7315 Andy Good stuff. Nice stuff. Damn it! Screw you dad! ..ah.
49130 9 6 The Boat 7316 Erin Well, we're doing it. We're finally having a picnic on the boat.
49131 9 6 The Boat 7316 Andy I've had a thousand picnics on this boat. The point was for me to sail it.
49132 9 6 The Boat 7316 Erin Andy, you never had to sail the boat to be a man.
49133 9 6 The Boat 7316 Andy Fine. But I could have.
49134 9 6 The Boat 7316 Erin As long as we're on this boat, as far as I'm concerned, you're the captain.
49135 9 6 The Boat 7316 Andy I am the captain.
49136 9 6 The Boat 7316 Erin Yeah.
49137 9 6 The Boat 7316 Andy Right?
49138 9 6 The Boat 7316 Erin Yeah.
49139 9 6 The Boat 7316 Andy I'm the captain. Hey, charm school.
49140 9 6 The Boat 7316 Boat Guy What?
49141 9 6 The Boat 7316 Andy I'm taking it over from here.
49142 9 6 The Boat 7316 Erin Nice!
49143 9 6 The Boat 7316 Boat Guy I hate to uh, ruin this moment...or breakdown, but you already signed the papers. So, if you want your boat back, you can pick it up there in the Bahamas in 10 days.
49144 9 6 The Boat 7316 Andy Yeah, I know cause I'm sailing it there.
49145 9 6 The Boat 7316 Boat Guy OK, no. I already said, you're not getting back your deposit.
49146 9 6 The Boat 7316 Andy Fine. Good. Keep it. Just leave the supplies, I paid for those. But how much for that cool fisherman sweater?
49147 9 6 The Boat 7317 Nellie For those just joining us, terror in Greenwich. Where police have surrounded the house of Dunder Mifflin CEO David Wallace. Wallace is said to be despondent over the company's stock plummet and is taking a mailman hostage. On the line, we have chief of Greenwich Police, Mr. Bill Jackson .
49148 9 6 The Boat 7317 Jim Good afternoon!
49149 9 6 The Boat 7317 Dwight Please sir! Spare him. Please.
49150 9 6 The Boat 7317 Jim Uh, this Wallace guy is lookin' at hard time. And we only know this because of what Dwight Snoot said on record!
49151 9 6 The Boat 7317 Dwight Ok, everyone. Everyone, hold on! I've got a solution. I know Wallace's phone number, everyone hold, I'll conference him in.
49152 9 6 The Boat 7317 Nellie Oh, Mr. Shrute, there's really no need to, um involve Mr... Wallace.
49153 9 6 The Boat 7318 Erin Do you even know what you're doing?
49154 9 6 The Boat 7318 Andy Yeah. Yeah I know how to hoist the mail sail, I know to...I, I, these buttons control boat pumps and stuff. I also know where the booze stash is. So, hello. Walt?
49155 9 6 The Boat 7318 Walt Jr. Oh god, thank goodness you're here. I was having a little trouble with this door. Yesterday. I um, I think it was yesterday.
49156 9 6 The Boat 7318 Andy I thought you were in rehab.
49157 9 6 The Boat 7318 Walt Jr. Yeah, uh, I just, I figured I'd get that first relapse out of the way. God, what's happened to our family? Everything is so messed up! How did you even know I was in here?
49158 9 6 The Boat 7318 Andy I didn't. I, I just came to say goodbye to the boat. But I've decided to sail it to Bermuda.
49159 9 6 The Boat 7318 Erin Bahamas, Andy.
49160 9 6 The Boat 7318 Andy Same thing. Come on. I need a crew. You should be my crew. Three weeks, open ocean, no booze. You need this. I need it, we need this. Serious bro time, come on.
49161 9 6 The Boat 7319 David Wallace Hello?
49162 9 6 The Boat 7319 Dwight David, is that you?
49163 9 6 The Boat 7319 David Wallace Dwight?
49164 9 6 The Boat 7319 Dwight Oh, thank god. Oh, thank god. Are you ok? Is everyone ok?
49165 9 6 The Boat 7319 David Wallace Yeah? Are you ok?
49166 9 6 The Boat 7319 Dwight Oh, I'm OK. I just want you to know that I believe in you. I really do. And I believe in your ability to make the right choices. I always have, David.
49167 9 6 The Boat 7319 David Wallace Well, thanks Dwight.
49168 9 6 The Boat 7319 Dwight You're welcome, sir. But David, listen to me carefully. I'm gonna need you to let the mailman go. Ok?
49169 9 6 The Boat 7319 David Wallace Dwight?
49170 9 6 The Boat 7319 Dwight Walk out of the house...
49171 9 6 The Boat 7319 David Wallace What?
49172 9 6 The Boat 7319 Dwight ...with your hands on top of your head, everything is going to be fine. Dunder Mifflin will be in good hands while you're away in prison.
49173 9 6 The Boat 7319 David Wallace Ok, Dwight, gonna ask you to not call my cell anymore. Gotta go.
49174 9 6 The Boat 7320 Dwight Wait a minute, you guys? You heard?
49175 9 6 The Boat 7320 All Shrute! Shrute! Shrute!Shrute! Shrute! Shrute! Shrute! Shrute!
49176 9 6 The Boat 7320 Dwight Shrute! Shrute!
49177 9 6 The Boat 7321 Dwight Overall, I'd say my first radio interview went pretty much the way I expected.
49178 9 6 The Boat 7322 Kevin Well Oscar, I did not get the promotion. He just wanted to update my personal information.
49179 9 6 The Boat 7322 Oscar Well, I am sorry Kevin.
49180 9 6 The Boat 7322 Angela Why on earth would you think you were getting a promotion?
49181 9 6 The Boat 7322 Kevin You know what Angela? I- Oh my god.
49182 9 6 The Boat 7322 Angela Honey! What are you doing here?
49183 9 6 The Boat 7322 Senator Lipton I just had a little intuition that someone I loved needed a little bit of attention today. Oscar, you're looking very healthy. Getting lots of vigorous exercise?
49184 9 6 The Boat 7322 Oscar No.
49185 9 6 The Boat 7322 Angela Oscar? What is going on? What was that?
49186 9 6 The Boat 7322 Senator Lipton What was that? I'm sorry, I didn't mean any offense. I was just trying to be friendly.
49187 9 6 The Boat 7322 Oscar You know what? I'm sorry. I overreacted. Because I'm stressed out. Why am I stressed out? Who's not stressed out? Who's not stressed out? Who-
49188 9 6 The Boat 7322 Kevin Come on Oscar, we're not just gonna sit here and ignore the obvious. Senator Lipton has a big election next week. We all need to give him our support.
49189 9 6 The Boat 7322 Senator Lipton Well, thanks everybody.
49190 9 6 The Boat 7322 Kevin It is really cool! U-S-A! U-S-A!
49191 9 6 The Boat 7322 Oscar U..s..a. U-
49192 9 6 The Boat 7323 Oscar I have to say I'm impressed with Kevin. Uh, he showed a lot of self-control.
49193 9 6 The Boat 7324 Kevin I totally forgot about the affair for a minute. Oscar is having s*x with the senator and Angela doesn't even know. Her life is a complete sham!
49194 9 6 The Boat 7325 Andy Alright guys, cast us off. Walt, all aboard! Erin, this is because of you. Do you realize that? You're the best ever!
49195 9 6 The Boat 7325 Erin Oh, you know. Just being a good girlfriend.
49196 9 6 The Boat 7325 Andy Good? Come on. Above and beyond. World's Greatest. You did this! Dammit I'm happy!
49197 9 6 The Boat 7326 Erin Yes, I am very pleased I did help Andy. Would I have gone with him if he'd asked me? On his sailboat cruise to the Caribbean? Yes. I think it would have been really fun and romantic.
49198 9 6 The Boat 7327 Andy I'll see you in three weeks!
49199 9 6 The Boat 7327 Erin OK!
49200 9 6 The Boat 7327 Walt Jr. Hey bro! It was here all along.
49201 9 6 The Boat 7327 Andy No way!
49202 9 6 The Boat 7327 Walt Jr. Way!
49203 9 6 The Boat 7327 Andy Erin I gotta go! Them's my chords!
49204 9 6 The Boat 7328 Pete Hey. She's back.
49205 9 6 The Boat 7328 Erin Thanks for covering the phones.
49206 9 6 The Boat 7328 Pete Yeah, no problem. How was it?
49207 9 6 The Boat 7328 Erin Fine.
49208 9 6 The Boat 7328 Pete Hey, some buddies of mine are going to Poor Richard's for beers and pool, you wanna come? I can't promise you too much, but uh, you might get to meet my friend flipper.
49209 9 6 The Boat 7328 Erin Does he have a flipper?
49210 9 6 The Boat 7328 Pete Oh. Nope. It's not that, he uh, uh he flipped a table one time when he was drunk.
49211 9 6 The Boat 7328 Erin He sounds like an idiot.
49212 9 6 The Boat 7328 Pete Yeah, he is.
49213 9 6 The Boat 7328 Erin Ok.
49214 9 6 The Boat 7328 Pete Ok.
49215 9 6 The Boat 7328 Erin Thanks.
49216 9 6 The Boat 7328 Pete Yeah.
49217 9 7 The Whale 7329 Andy Ah, what else? I've seen Dirty Dancing like, ten times. Breaks my heart every time, you know?
49218 9 7 The Whale 7329 Everyone Whoa!
49219 9 7 The Whale 7329 Pam Andy.
49220 9 7 The Whale 7329 Andy That Swayze sure can dance dirty.
49221 9 7 The Whale 7329 Phyllis Don't you have any sunblock?
49222 9 7 The Whale 7329 Andy No, Walter J has been hoarding it. You want to worry about a part of my body, worry about my eyes. They're like two flaming meatballs in my skull.
49223 9 7 The Whale 7330 Erin Last week Andy set sail for the Bahamas to sell his family's boat, and he took his brother, but not me. I was kind of sad at first, but then I remembered that Bob Marley song -- No, woman. No cry.
49224 9 7 The Whale 7331 Andy Check this out. Keeps my hair out of my stare, also helps me combat the glare bear. That's what I call the sun now.
49225 9 7 The Whale 7331 Darryl Andy, it's Darryl. Take your drawers off your head.
49226 9 7 The Whale 7331 Andy What else can I show you? Oh, damn it!
49227 9 7 The Whale 7331 Erin Oh, Andy, was.. was that your drinking water?
49228 9 7 The Whale 7331 Andy Yeah, it was. That's okay though. I got this cool desalinator device. It sucks up sea water through this hose and pumps out fresh water. See, check it out. Ow!
49229 9 7 The Whale 7331 Everyone Oh!
49230 9 7 The Whale 7331 Andy Ah! That's not good. I better sign off. I hate to get going. I mean these skype sessions are, like, the only thing that keep me sane out here, you know?
49231 9 7 The Whale 7332 Darryl He's been sailing for two days.
49232 9 7 The Whale 7333 Andy I will leave you with this. The image of a man and his boat. Burn this into your brains.
49233 9 7 The Whale 7333 Erin Yeah.
49234 9 7 The Whale 7333 Andy No. No! Nooo!
49235 9 7 The Whale 7333 Erin Andy? Andy! Andy! Andy. Oh.
49236 9 7 The Whale 7334 Dwight Dwight Schrute. Well, hi there David Wallace. Why would you ever call me when the manager is out of town?
49237 9 7 The Whale 7334 David Well, I have some very exciting news.
49238 9 7 The Whale 7334 Dwight And you didn't call Jim - that seems significant.
49239 9 7 The Whale 7334 Jim Hi, David.
49240 9 7 The Whale 7334 David Jim, good! You should hear this too.
49241 9 7 The Whale 7334 Dwight No, he shouldn't.
49242 9 7 The Whale 7334 Jim Go ahead David, I'm listening.
49243 9 7 The Whale 7334 Dwight Okay, David, I want to take you off speaker but... I don't know where I'd put you.
49244 9 7 The Whale 7334 David Guys, listen, this is big news. The Scranton White Pages just got in contact with my office the day before yesterday. They've apparently just dropped the supplier they've been with for the last ten years. .
49245 9 7 The Whale 7334 Dwight The White Pages.
49246 9 7 The Whale 7335 Dwight The White Pages: Do you want it? No. Do you use it? No. Does it inexplicably show up on your doorstep three times a year? Yes, yes, and yes. There's a reason that we in the paper industry call this thing "the White Whale". Look at all that sweet blubber.
49247 9 7 The Whale 7336 David Look, we need our top salesman running point on this and Dwight, that is you.
49248 9 7 The Whale 7336 Dwight I'm gonna need to put you on hold for a second. Hah! Yah! Woooo! Eat it Jim! Eat it Phyllis! Eat... where's Stanley?
49249 9 7 The Whale 7336 Erin He's in the bathroom.
49250 9 7 The Whale 7336 Dwight Will you run into the bathroom and tell him to eat it?
49251 9 7 The Whale 7336 Erin Of course.
49252 9 7 The Whale 7336 Dwight Yeah! Okay. Hey David, I'm back.
49253 9 7 The Whale 7336 Erin Eat it Stanley!
49254 9 7 The Whale 7336 Dwight So uh, last I remember Tom Peterman was in charge of that account?
49255 9 7 The Whale 7336 David No, I spoke with the receptionist over there. It's someone new but she didn't catch her name.
49256 9 7 The Whale 7336 Dwight Her name?
49257 9 7 The Whale 7336 Phyllis No, hey, Dwight shouldn't...
49258 9 7 The Whale 7336 Dwight Shhh! Thanks David! Thank you so much for calling me!
49259 9 7 The Whale 7336 David Good luck!
49260 9 7 The Whale 7336 Dwight Good luck to you.
49261 9 7 The Whale 7336 Phyllis Dwight, you can't go. You have a problem with women. You can't sell to them.
49262 9 7 The Whale 7336 Dwight That is a damnable lie. I love women.
49263 9 7 The Whale 7336 Phyllis Gina Rogers at Apex Technology said you called her â˜gy-na' for your entire meeting.
49264 9 7 The Whale 7336 Nellie Ew. That's not good.
49265 9 7 The Whale 7336 Phyllis Yeah, she said she corrected him five times.
49266 9 7 The Whale 7336 Dwight â˜Gy-na' said that?
49267 9 7 The Whale 7336 Phyllis Guys, we can't let Dwight blow this. An account this size could double our growth. That means raises, bonuses... Pizza Friday could come back.
49268 9 7 The Whale 7336 Meredith Hey remember that week in the 90's when we got bagels?
49269 9 7 The Whale 7336 Creed I miss Clinton.
49270 9 7 The Whale 7336 Pam Can you go instead?
49271 9 7 The Whale 7336 Jim I can't. I have the thing.
49272 9 7 The Whale 7337 Jim I have this conference call today with this company in Philly that I'm helping start. Ah, first board meeting. Also, the first time I've ever been excited about work. So, that feels... wrong.
49273 9 7 The Whale 7338 Pete Okay, call down. It's just me, not Tom Selleck.
49274 9 7 The Whale 7338 Kevin Nice!
49275 9 7 The Whale 7339 Pete Toby got us all to participate in Movember. It's a charity for prostate cancer. You pledge money and then you grow a mustache for the month of November.
49276 9 7 The Whale 7339 Clark So, this is how we look now. I hope you like being turned on all the time.
49277 9 7 The Whale 7340 Darryl Daaaaamn! It just keeps on coming, huh?
49278 9 7 The Whale 7340 Toby I have very fertile hair glands.
49279 9 7 The Whale 7341 Toby I am so glad I got all of the dudes to do Movember. We have the dopest time back in the annex.
49280 9 7 The Whale 7342 Clark God!
49281 9 7 The Whale 7343 Toby We even go to lunch, pick up babes.
49282 9 7 The Whale 7344 Toby Smile if you love men's prostates.
49283 9 7 The Whale 7345 Angela Hi.
49284 9 7 The Whale 7345 Oscar Hi.
49285 9 7 The Whale 7345 Angela Spring cleaning?
49286 9 7 The Whale 7345 Oscar More like fall cleaning.
49287 9 7 The Whale 7345 Angela I think the senator is having an affair.
49288 9 7 The Whale 7345 Oscar This doesn't... I'm sorry. Wha... what?
49289 9 7 The Whale 7345 Angela I think the senator is having an affair.
49290 9 7 The Whale 7346 Oscar I literally have nightmares in which what just happened happens. I wake up in a sweat. And then I make Angela's husband spoon me back to bed.
49291 9 7 The Whale 7347 Angela When he comes home in the morning, he has this secret little smile.
49292 9 7 The Whale 7347 Oscar Oh, I'm sure ...that's nothing.
49293 9 7 The Whale 7347 Angela And he's always at the yoga studio. He never misses the noon class - it's Hot Yoga with Blake.
49294 9 7 The Whale 7347 Oscar Angela, Blake's also a guy's name so he... may be spending his afternoons with a guy named Blake. So nothing to worry about. Huh. Blake. Who is Blake?
49295 9 7 The Whale 7347 Angela I don't know.
49296 9 7 The Whale 7347 Oscar I just never heard about the senator and yoga...
49297 9 7 The Whale 7347 Angela Right.
49298 9 7 The Whale 7347 Oscar From you. I'm sure it's probably nothing. But what's with the yoga already?
49299 9 7 The Whale 7347 Angela Right?
49300 9 7 The Whale 7347 Oscar And Blake! All right Angela, calm down! We need to go check this out.
49301 9 7 The Whale 7347 Angela What?
49302 9 7 The Whale 7347 Oscar Angela, I'll go with you.
49303 9 7 The Whale 7348 Phyllis So, uh, show us how you'd normally sell to a female client.
49304 9 7 The Whale 7348 Dwight Okay. With pleasure. Get ready to learn a few new tricks, old dog.
49305 9 7 The Whale 7348 Pam You've got this Schrute.
49306 9 7 The Whale 7348 Phyllis Okay, you just walked into her office and begin.
49307 9 7 The Whale 7348 Dwight Hello.
49308 9 7 The Whale 7348 Erin Hello.
49309 9 7 The Whale 7348 Dwight May I please speak to your boss?
49310 9 7 The Whale 7348 Phyllis No, she is the boss.
49311 9 7 The Whale 7348 Erin I am? Hmm.. Hi, I'm Mr. Hannon. How can I help you?
49312 9 7 The Whale 7348 Dwight Okay, this isn't working for me, â˜cause no one would ever believe that she would be a boss.
49313 9 7 The Whale 7348 Erin He's absolutely right. I'm really struggling.
49314 9 7 The Whale 7348 Pam Oh, I'll be the buyer.
49315 9 7 The Whale 7348 Pam Hello, Mr. Schrute, nice to see you. Please have a seat.
49316 9 7 The Whale 7348 Dwight I never sit down during sales meetings. I want to appear aggressive and imposing. I am going to sell to you in twelve minutes
49317 9 7 The Whale 7348 Phyllis No actually, she likes to take her time discussing her needs.
49318 9 7 The Whale 7348 Dwight I will tell her what her needs are and then fill them. So this is going to work out best for you if you just relax and do nothing. And once I'm finished, it's over.
49319 9 7 The Whale 7348 Pam Okay, let's stop here. Anyone have any thoughts?
49320 9 7 The Whale 7348 Dwight I thought it went great.
49321 9 7 The Whale 7348 Nellie I have uh, written down a few questions. One, have you ever killed a woman? Two, how many women have you killed? Please, sir, will you not kill me?
49322 9 7 The Whale 7349 Business partner Okay lets get started.
49323 9 7 The Whale 7349 Jim Yeah, I'm here. Are we all on?
49324 9 7 The Whale 7349 Business partner Uh,, well you're the only one â˜on' - we're all here.
49325 9 7 The Whale 7349 Jim Right. Okay, uh, over the next three months...
49326 9 7 The Whale 7349 Kevin That's the winter season., three months.
49327 9 7 The Whale 7349 Jim I uh, I have some ideas, actually...
49328 9 7 The Whale 7349 Business partner Are you at your office right now?
49329 9 7 The Whale 7349 Jim Uh yeah. Trust me, I'd rather be with you guys.
49330 9 7 The Whale 7349 Business partner Uh, yeah, that sounded kinda spooky-sexy, over here Halpert.
49331 9 7 The Whale 7349 Jim Oh, Sorry, I uh... was just saying that we should uh...
49332 9 7 The Whale 7349 Business partner Whoa. I think there's been a bit of a mistake. We're trying to reach Jim Halpert, not Batman.
49333 9 7 The Whale 7349 Jim Um, you know what? I.. should have just had... I should have just had you call me on my cell.
49334 9 7 The Whale 7349 Business partner Uh, yeah...
49335 9 7 The Whale 7349 Jim I'm gonna try a different spot. Okay?
49336 9 7 The Whale 7349 Business partner Okay, yeah.
49337 9 7 The Whale 7349 Jim Okay, I'll call you right back.
49338 9 7 The Whale 7349 Kevin What's happening in three months?
49339 9 7 The Whale 7350 Pam Okay, when you're selling to women, it is crucial that you listen, Dwight. Also you want to respect their... Are you listening now?
49340 9 7 The Whale 7350 Dwight Yes.
49341 9 7 The Whale 7350 Pam Okay, well you have to show us.
49342 9 7 The Whale 7350 Dwight That's impossible. Listening happens in the ear and in the brain. I mean, some organisms have external hairs that vibrate to indicate auditory stimulation but unfortunately, our external hairs don't vibrate at all.
49343 9 7 The Whale 7350 Pam Huh. Uh huh.
49344 9 7 The Whale 7350 Dwight What are you doing?
49345 9 7 The Whale 7350 Pam A little smile and a nod shows that I hear you. Got it?
49346 9 7 The Whale 7350 Dwight Kind of.
49347 9 7 The Whale 7350 Pam Nellie, why don't you tell Dwight what we were doing earlier today. And Dwight, you show us that you're listening.
49348 9 7 The Whale 7350 Nellie Well, we were in the warehouse, where we were discussing a mural that I've commissioned Pam to paint there. We were talking color schemes and the major themes we want to hit. Children of the world, coming together, cutting down trees to make paper. But not in a child labor-y way.
49349 9 7 The Whale 7350 Erin It's just up and down, just a regular nod, like a person.
49350 9 7 The Whale 7350 Dwight I am a person.
49351 9 7 The Whale 7350 Erin Yes.
49352 9 7 The Whale 7350 Nellie And then we thought we'd ... I can't. I just can't carry on with that face. Look at it. I'm gonna get nightmares with that face. I mean he looks like he's laboring over a stool having just eaten human flesh.
49353 9 7 The Whale 7350 Dwight That's a bit extreme.
49354 9 7 The Whale 7350 Nellie No, I'm sorry but that is true.
49355 9 7 The Whale 7350 Meredith He's screwed. They're meeting in less than an hour.
49356 9 7 The Whale 7350 Phyllis Oh, all right. God, Dwight, just ignore every instinct you have. It's all garbage okay? You're the woman, I'm the salesman, watch what I do and try to learn.
49357 9 7 The Whale 7350 Dwight Okay, I'm a woman. I'm a woman. Good?
49358 9 7 The Whale 7350 Phyllis Ms. Thomas, so good to see you.
49359 9 7 The Whale 7350 Dwight Hello.
49360 9 7 The Whale 7350 Phyllis Oh, are those your kids? They're so cute! They could be models.
49361 9 7 The Whale 7350 Dwight Thank you. I'm so proud of them. I carried each one of them for nine months inside of my torso and then pushed them out of my v*g1n*.
49362 9 7 The Whale 7350 Meredith Booo! Weird.
49363 9 7 The Whale 7350 Nellie No.
49364 9 7 The Whale 7350 Phyllis Okay, yeah. This is a lost cause. It's hopeless.
49365 9 7 The Whale 7351 Pam Ten years ago, I didn't care if Dwight got married or died a beet-farming bachelor. But having kids makes you so soft. I used to watch Pulp Fiction and laugh, and now I'm like, that poor gimp is somebody's child.
49366 9 7 The Whale 7352 Pam You know, I think there could be a lot of benefits if you could learn to get along with women.
49367 9 7 The Whale 7352 Dwight Look, I have no problem with women. It's businesswomen and their, their power suits and their shoulder pads. Don't lie about your shoulders!
49368 9 7 The Whale 7352 Pam Dwight, listen to me. Businesswomen are just normal, nice, reasonable people. Who is a nice, reasonable person in your experience?
49369 9 7 The Whale 7352 Dwight I had a barber once who used to comb my hair gently.
49370 9 7 The Whale 7352 Pam Okay, so, when you're selling to this woman, just imagine that she's that nice, reasonable barber.
49371 9 7 The Whale 7352 Dwight Okay, I can do that.
49372 9 7 The Whale 7352 Pam Mm-hmm. Good. Baby steps.
49373 9 7 The Whale 7352 Dwight He used to fight dogs.
49374 9 7 The Whale 7352 Pam Like, he used to make dogs fight? Or he actually fought dogs?
49375 9 7 The Whale 7352 Dwight Little of this, little of that.
49376 9 7 The Whale 7353 Angela Which one is the instructor? There all fatties.
49377 9 7 The Whale 7353 Oscar Angela! Angela. There.
49378 9 7 The Whale 7353 Angela Where?
49379 9 7 The Whale 7353 Oscar On the stairs. Stay calm. Stay down. Oh, so wait. Blake is a her.
49380 9 7 The Whale 7353 Angela Oh my God! She's so stunningly tiny! She's like a petite double zero, for sure. For sure! Holy cow! Look at what they're doing.
49381 9 7 The Whale 7353 Oscar She's repositioning his hips for downward facing dog.
49382 9 7 The Whale 7353 Angela I've heard of this - dog style. Oh wait. Oh look Oscar, Thumbelina has a boyfriend! And he has a ponytail - ew. I'd like to see that run for office. Oscar, you were right. I had nothing to be worried about. Thank you. Let's go.
49383 9 7 The Whale 7353 Oscar Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...
49384 9 7 The Whale 7353 Angela Ow.
49385 9 7 The Whale 7353 Oscar Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Shut up, hold on. Shh. Hold on. Sorry. Look.
49386 9 7 The Whale 7354 Toby This is fun. You know? I mean, this is fun.
49387 9 7 The Whale 7355 Jim What I was saying is the genius of Air Jordan was not in the market saturation, it was in --
49388 9 7 The Whale 7355 Business partner It was in what? Jim, we're having a lot of trouble hearing you.
49389 9 7 The Whale 7355 Jim The... the... the... what I was saying is the real genius was... was in the...
49390 9 7 The Whale 7355 Hank Hey! Are those skateboarders back?
49391 9 7 The Whale 7355 Business partner Jim? Jim, are you there?
49392 9 7 The Whale 7355 Hank Where are they?
49393 9 7 The Whale 7355 Jim It was, uh in the authentic design, right? So I mean, you really felt like Michael Jordan was wearing these shoes, so ...
49394 9 7 The Whale 7355 Meredith Who was messing with my van?
49395 9 7 The Whale 7355 Jim Nobody!
49396 9 7 The Whale 7355 Business partner Jordan wore them for nobody? We're not following you, Halpert.
49397 9 7 The Whale 7355 Jim No, no, no.
49398 9 7 The Whale 7355 Hank This ends now!
49399 9 7 The Whale 7356 Secretary Have a seat. Um, she will be right in.
49400 9 7 The Whale 7356 Pam Oh, great. Oh, I'm sorry. Do you mind telling me her name? I realized we don't have it.
49401 9 7 The Whale 7356 Secretary Uh... um she'll be right in.
49402 9 7 The Whale 7356 Pam Okay, great.
49403 9 7 The Whale 7356 Dwight Just a little off the top and then a nice combing. Yeah, just comb it.
49404 9 7 The Whale 7356 Pam Oh my God. It's Jan.
49405 9 7 The Whale 7356 Dwight Oh, dear God in heaven.
49406 9 7 The Whale 7357 Pam Jan used to be one of my superiors, and she is one of the most erratic and terrifying people I have ever met.
49407 9 7 The Whale 7358 Jan You son of a bitch. You're firing me? Where the hell do you get off?
49408 9 7 The Whale 7359 Pam Jim and I are pretty sure she had an affair with her ex-assistant Hunter. He was 17. But she looks great. If she asks, will you tell her I said that?
49409 9 7 The Whale 7360 Pam Forget everything we taught you. Hey, Jan! It's so great to see you.
49410 9 7 The Whale 7360 Jan Where's Wallace?
49411 9 7 The Whale 7360 Pam What?
49412 9 7 The Whale 7360 Jan I was under the impression that David Wallace would be coming. He bought back Dunder Mifflin, correct?
49413 9 7 The Whale 7360 Dwight Hey. Your daughter could be a bubble bath model. I could just bite her head off.
49414 9 7 The Whale 7360 Pam Sorry. Um, David is in Vermont. Did you speak with him? He sent Dwight instead.
49415 9 7 The Whale 7360 Jan Molly! David Wallace is in Vermont.
49416 9 7 The Whale 7360 Molly Oh, my God. Um, I talked to his assistant. And I guess it did get a little confusing â˜cause you said not to tell anyone your name. And then also, those bluetooths are very hard to hear with. I know you love the way they look, but Tom never had us use them...
49417 9 7 The Whale 7360 Jan Molly. I am not Tom. I am Jan.
49418 9 7 The Whale 7360 Molly I'm so sorry Jan.
49419 9 7 The Whale 7360 Jan I thought it would be fun to have a little chat with uh, David Wallace after all these years. Oh, well. What are you doing?
49420 9 7 The Whale 7360 Dwight Listening.
49421 9 7 The Whale 7360 Jan Stop.
49422 9 7 The Whale 7360 Dwight Sorry.
49423 9 7 The Whale 7360 Jan Stop that.
49424 9 7 The Whale 7360 Dwight Okay.
49425 9 7 The Whale 7360 Pam So this was all just a trick. You don't really have any business to give?
49426 9 7 The Whale 7360 Jan No, I do.
49427 9 7 The Whale 7360 Pam But not to us.
49428 9 7 The Whale 7360 Jan Insightful, Pam.
49429 9 7 The Whale 7360 Pam You did good, Dwight. It's okay. I mean, seriously, Jan's not normal. Let's just go. She's not going to sell to us.
49430 9 7 The Whale 7360 Dwight Yes, she is. Now, I may not have any instincts with women, but I have an instinct for sales. You keep her occupied. I'll be right back.
49431 9 7 The Whale 7360 Pam What?
49432 9 7 The Whale 7360 Jan Pam?
49433 9 7 The Whale 7360 Pam Yeah.
49434 9 7 The Whale 7360 Jan I'm a very busy woman, so...
49435 9 7 The Whale 7360 Pam Yeah. Um, do you have any other pictures of Astrid?
49436 9 7 The Whale 7360 Jan Fine. I will show you one... slide show.
49437 9 7 The Whale 7361 Pete Erin, did this call...
49438 9 7 The Whale 7361 Erin Uh!
49439 9 7 The Whale 7361 Pete What?
49440 9 7 The Whale 7361 Erin Sorry, I uh, just saw your face.
49441 9 7 The Whale 7361 Pete Oh, I'm sorry. It's for the thing.
49442 9 7 The Whale 7361 Erin I know. That's great. It just - it makes it look like there's an eyebrow in the middle of your face.
49443 9 7 The Whale 7361 Pete Wow.
49444 9 7 The Whale 7361 Erin A handsome eyebrow, but, um... it makes your mouth look like an eye socket... which isn't bad.
49445 9 7 The Whale 7361 Pete Uh-huh.
49446 9 7 The Whale 7361 Erin But um, you look like a cyclops whose eye... fell out... Which is great. It's such a great cause.
49447 9 7 The Whale 7361 Pete Yeah.
49448 9 7 The Whale 7362 Jan Mommy, you're a princess. Mommy, you're a superstar. Mommy you're the greatest. How can I ever fill your sho-o-o-es?
49449 9 7 The Whale 7362 Pam Wow. Your voice is as lovely as ever.
49450 9 7 The Whale 7362 Jan Aw.
49451 9 7 The Whale 7362 Pam And it is so cute how she signs her name.
49452 9 7 The Whale 7362 Jan Well, that -- that was -- that was me too.
49453 9 7 The Whale 7362 Pam Oh, okay. It's just that's how Cece does it with the backwards â˜E's.
49454 9 7 The Whale 7362 Jan Cece can't spell her name.
49455 9 7 The Whale 7362 Pam Oh, actually she can.
49456 9 7 The Whale 7362 Jan Well, it's not really much of a comparison, is it? I mean, "Cece" is two letters and "Astrid" is... I mean, there's even some adults who -- who -- who can't spell it.
49457 9 7 The Whale 7362 Pam Of course.
49458 9 7 The Whale 7362 Jan Can you spell it? Try to spell it, Pam.
49459 9 7 The Whale 7362 Pam Um... "A"... "X"? I don't -- you got me.
49460 9 7 The Whale 7362 Jan Don't patronize me.
49461 9 7 The Whale 7362 Pam I'm so sorry. I hate this. You're better.
49462 9 7 The Whale 7363 Angela Okay, we should go now. Let's go.
49463 9 7 The Whale 7363 Oscar Just wait. Just a minute. Just watch.
49464 9 7 The Whale 7363 Angela Wait. Why are you... Oh. are you getting your jollies right now? Can't get enough of the show? Your jollies are all on fire --
49465 9 7 The Whale 7363 Oscar Please. It's Robert who's enjoying it.
49466 9 7 The Whale 7363 Angela What?
49467 9 7 The Whale 7363 Oscar This could be the affair that you're scared of. Politicians are wonderful liars. You never know who they really are. But uh, he's probably not gay. He's straight. He's straight, so...
49468 9 7 The Whale 7364 Pam Mm. Excuse me. Could I get some more water?
49469 9 7 The Whale 7364 Jan No.
49470 9 7 The Whale 7364 Dwight Jan... You thought I had no more cards left to play. Well I've got one. Man-boy! The Ace of Babes.
49471 9 7 The Whale 7364 Pam Oh, my God.
49472 9 7 The Whale 7364 Clark Where's the Quizno's?
49473 9 7 The Whale 7364 Dwight You're the Quizno's. Jan, may I introduce to you your own personal Dunder Mifflin liaison, devoted to servicing this account with total client satisfaction. I sensed that Molly wasn't quite meeting your needs -- nothing like, uh, your old assistant... Hunter. Was that his name?
49474 9 7 The Whale 7364 Jan I -- I --
49475 9 7 The Whale 7364 Dwight Hmm?
49476 9 7 The Whale 7364 Jan I don't recall. And yes, Molly is crap.
49477 9 7 The Whale 7364 Pam Okay, you do not have to do this.
49478 9 7 The Whale 7364 Clark Do what? Get into sales? That's what I want.
49479 9 7 The Whale 7364 Dwight He's been growing that mustache for weeks. Best he can do... So young.
49480 9 7 The Whale 7364 Jan Will you uh, you. Can you turn around for me, please? Dwight you can go. I will call you in a week or so and let you know whether I want your business.
49481 9 7 The Whale 7364 Dwight Very good.
49482 9 7 The Whale 7364 Jan Do you have a valid passport?
49483 9 7 The Whale 7365 Jim Jim Halpert.
49484 9 7 The Whale 7365 Colin Hey, it's Colin.
49485 9 7 The Whale 7365 Jim Hey man. I am so sorry about that.
49486 9 7 The Whale 7365 Colin I know. Don't worry about it.
49487 9 7 The Whale 7365 Colin It's just... it's not totally working.
49488 9 7 The Whale 7365 Jim Yeah. No, I know. This whole telecommuting thing -- not ideal. But don't worry. I'll figure it out.
49489 9 7 The Whale 7365 Colin Yeah, well, it's not just not ideal. I mean, with you there, I don't know how we're gonna do this.
49490 9 7 The Whale 7365 Jim Uh, what does -- what does that mean?
49491 9 7 The Whale 7366 Angela Oscar, what is happening here? Why would you say you think the senator might be gay?
49492 9 7 The Whale 7366 Oscar I don't know, Angela. I'm dehydrated. Maybe... You heard me wrong. We should just go.
49493 9 7 The Whale 7366 Angela Look, look, look. Here he comes. Here he comes. What is he doing?
49494 9 7 The Whale 7366 Oscar He's making a phone call.
49495 9 7 The Whale 7366 Angela Oh. Oh.
49496 9 7 The Whale 7367 Pam Oh, hey, Molly. You should just quit.
49497 9 7 The Whale 7367 Molly Thanks. Okay.
49498 9 7 The Whale 7367 Dwight Oh and uh, Molly... I know it can't be easy working for Jan. Good luck with your feelings.
49499 9 7 The Whale 7367 Pam Dwight, that was really nice. You should ask for her number.
49500 9 7 The Whale 7367 Dwight Oh, I got her number. 415-YCL.
49501 9 7 The Whale 7367 Pam That's a license number?
49502 9 7 The Whale 7367 Dwight That's all you need. And when I have curried favor with her, I will let you know.
49503 9 7 The Whale 7367 Pam Oh. Why me?
49504 9 7 The Whale 7367 Dwight Because you are my friend and you are a woman... And women love gossip. It's like air to you people. Ugh, God.
49505 9 8 The Target 7368 Oscar Yesterday, Angela may or may not have figured out that I'm having an affair with her husband. So I just have to wait and see. When she comes in, if she's cold and awkward and cruel to me, then great, it's business as usual.
49506 9 8 The Target 7369 Oscar Good morning.
49507 9 8 The Target 7369 Angela Oscar... can I ask you a question?
49508 9 8 The Target 7369 Oscar Of course, ask me a que--  questions.
49509 9 8 The Target 7369 Angela Is it cool in here to you?
49510 9 8 The Target 7369 Oscar Yes, a little bit. Yes.
49511 9 8 The Target 7369 Angela I think the thermostat is acting up again.
49512 9 8 The Target 7369 Oscar It's the stupid thermostat! That thing is a catastrophe. So I'm gonna, um, on your suggestion, get someone to fix it. I'll just go downstairs.
49513 9 8 The Target 7369 Angela Thank you.
49514 9 8 The Target 7369 Oscar No, thank you, Angela.
49515 9 8 The Target 7370 Oscar She doesn't know. I shouldn't be surprised. This is a woman who married a man who is obviously a homosexual. Basically, she has her head in the sand. In a way I feel sorry for her. I guess the universe rewards true love.
49516 9 8 The Target 7371 Dwight Well, well, well, it's finally happened. Pam has ceased caring.
49517 9 8 The Target 7371 Pam These are my painting clothes.I think I'm gonna do it. I am really gonna start painting the warehouse mural today.
49518 9 8 The Target 7371 Meredith Sure you don't want to put another coat of primer on that Pam?Queen of the primer, that one.
49519 9 8 The Target 7371 Jim You got this, Beesley. Actually, do you want me to come down and help you get started?
49520 9 8 The Target 7371 Pam Are you avoiding your phone call?
49521 9 8 The Target 7371 Jim What? Yeah, right. As if.
49522 9 8 The Target 7372 Jim Today I will be asking David Wallace if I can start working part-time, because the sports marketing company that I started really needs me to be there.
49523 9 8 The Target 7372 Pam Last week Jim wasn't there, and they named the company Athlead.
49524 9 8 The Target 7372 Jim I could have prevented that. So I have to talk to Wallace.
49525 9 8 The Target 7372 Pam Tell them your opening line.
49526 9 8 The Target 7372 Jim Hey David, how would you like a guy who's not here as much, gets paid the same amount of salary, and has bigger fish to fry in Philadelphia?
49527 9 8 The Target 7372 Pam I think it's good. He likes fishing.
49528 9 8 The Target 7372 Jim This is gonna be awful.
49529 9 8 The Target 7373 Pete One of my jobs is to input customer complaints into the computer. And when they're in, I fill out one of these cards. But the information's already on the computer, so....why am I filling out the card? I asked Andy, and he told me to "chillax," and then went away on a big, long boat ride. So here we are. Don't give me a pointless office chore, because I will build a little paper house.  Fight the power.
49530 9 8 The Target 7374 Angela Meet me in the old place, five minutes. I need you.
49531 9 8 The Target 7375 Angela Ugh!
49532 9 8 The Target 7375 Dwight Come on in, the water's fine.
49533 9 8 The Target 7375 Angela Dwight, it's not that kind of meeting. Put your clothes back on.
49534 9 8 The Target 7375 Dwight I know. That's not why I'm naked. I always work out without my clothes.
49535 9 8 The Target 7375 Angela Just put them on! Put on your clothes. I need your help. I need someone who can operate outside of the law. Ugh.
49536 9 8 The Target 7375 Dwight Oh, I'm sorry, your vigilante privileges ended when you broke up with me. If I'm not in your panties, I don't go vigilantes. Why don't you ask your husband?
49537 9 8 The Target 7375 Angela My marriage is in danger. I don't know who I can trust. I need someone to be there for me.
49538 9 8 The Target 7375 Dwight All right, what are we talking? Surveillance, wire-tapping?
49539 9 8 The Target 7375 Angela Something like that.
49540 9 8 The Target 7375 Dwight Yeah, the less I know, the better. I know just the guy. He was a volunteer sheriff too. Kicked off the force.
49541 9 8 The Target 7375 Angela Can you arrange a meeting?
49542 9 8 The Target 7375 Dwight I can try. I'm gonna use SMS text.
49543 9 8 The Target 7375 Angela Okay.
49544 9 8 The Target 7375 Dwight Text went through.
49545 9 8 The Target 7375 Angela Okay.
49546 9 8 The Target 7375 Dwight All we can do is sit and wait.
49547 9 8 The Target 7375 Angela Okay.
49548 9 8 The Target 7375 Dwight Oh, look at that. Yeah, he's free anytime. Not a problem.
49549 9 8 The Target 7376 Jim I mean, I can handle any client issues from Philly.
49550 9 8 The Target 7376 David Yeah, but I really need someone in the office. If there's a crisis -- the more I think about it --
49551 9 8 The Target 7376 Jim Oh, you mean handle it in person. Oh, well, Phyllis and Stanley have agree to cover for me while I'm gone.
49552 9 8 The Target 7376 David They did?
49553 9 8 The Target 7376 Jim Yep.
49554 9 8 The Target 7376 David Oh, okay. Well, that is different. In that case, yes-- Maybe this can work.
49555 9 8 The Target 7376 Jim Oh, great.
49556 9 8 The Target 7377 Stanley Why should we help you?
49557 9 8 The Target 7377 Jim Because we're friends.
49558 9 8 The Target 7377 Stanley When is my birthday?
49559 9 8 The Target 7377 Jim Unfair. When's my birthday?
49560 9 8 The Target 7377 Stanley I don't know, because we're not friends.
49561 9 8 The Target 7377 Jim How about this-- You let me take you to lunch, and I make my case?
49562 9 8 The Target 7377 Stanley Now we're talkin'.
49563 9 8 The Target 7377 Jim All right.
49564 9 8 The Target 7377 Phyllis Yeah.
49565 9 8 The Target 7378 Kevin Make it go taller.
49566 9 8 The Target 7378 Pete That's the idea.
49567 9 8 The Target 7378 Kevin No, not taller this way, taller this way.
49568 9 8 The Target 7378 Pete Well, I've gotta build a wider base first before I can go higher.
49569 9 8 The Target 7378 Kevin You're not getting this, Peter.  Make it go wider... up!
49570 9 8 The Target 7378 Pete Will do.
49571 9 8 The Target 7378 Darryl What are y'all doing?
49572 9 8 The Target 7378 Kevin Me and Pete are building a tower.
49573 9 8 The Target 7378 Darryl Cool. It should be taller though, right?
49574 9 8 The Target 7378 Kevin Obviously. He's a sweet kid, Darryl. But he's not the sharpest guy in the drawer.
49575 9 8 The Target 7378 Pete Kevin, I can hear you.
49576 9 8 The Target 7378 Kevin Huh?
49577 9 8 The Target 7379 Angela Ow! Dwight! Ow!
49578 9 8 The Target 7379 Dwight Get in the van.
49579 9 8 The Target 7379 Angela God!
49580 9 8 The Target 7379 Trevor Is it safe to talk?
49581 9 8 The Target 7379 Dwight Well, this documentary crew has been following our every move for the past nine years, but I don't see them so I think we're good.
49582 9 8 The Target 7379 Angela So what are your credentials?
49583 9 8 The Target 7379 Trevor I started following people around to get exercise. Turns out, I'm damn good at it.
49584 9 8 The Target 7379 Angela Do you have a gun?
49585 9 8 The Target 7379 Dwight Does he own a gun? Show her.
49586 9 8 The Target 7379 Trevor You tell me.
49587 9 8 The Target 7379 Angela What is this?
49588 9 8 The Target 7379 Trevor It's the receipt for my gun.
49589 9 8 The Target 7379 Angela You don't carry it with you?
49590 9 8 The Target 7379 Trevor Read the receipt. That's a $300 gun. Someone could steal it.
49591 9 8 The Target 7379 Dwight Do you have any idea how many guns Trevor's had stolen from him?
49592 9 8 The Target 7379 Trevor Now I keep it in a safe.
49593 9 8 The Target 7379 Dwight Mm-hmm. Good safe?
49594 9 8 The Target 7379 Trevor Oh, you tell me.
49595 9 8 The Target 7379 Dwight Wow!
49596 9 8 The Target 7380 Pam I guess if I make a mistake, I can just paint over it with a shrub or something. It's just, I think less of paintings with a lot of shrubs. So, I'm gonna limit myself to one shrub.
49597 9 8 The Target 7380 Hide You paint wall now?
49598 9 8 The Target 7380 Pam Yeah. Painting now. I just want to make sure that...
49599 9 8 The Target 7380 Hide You paint now.
49600 9 8 The Target 7380 Pam It's probably gonna be a few minutes. So you can just go back to doing whatever you were doing.
49601 9 8 The Target 7380 Hide I wait.
49602 9 8 The Target 7381 Meredith Sweet.
49603 9 8 The Target 7381 Erin Yay!
49604 9 8 The Target 7381 Darryl That's what I'm talkin' about.
49605 9 8 The Target 7381 Pete This next card comes to us thanks to Meredith Palmer, who called Eastern Pennsylvania Seminary a, quote â˜sausage factory.'
49606 9 8 The Target 7381 Meredith Oh OOOH!
49607 9 8 The Target 7381 Meredith Boom!
49608 9 8 The Target 7381 Darryl Bang.
49609 9 8 The Target 7381 Kevin Yep, yep, yep.
49610 9 8 The Target 7381 Pete All right. Up next we got a whole lotta Creed.
49611 9 8 The Target 7381 Creed Let's find out what I did.
49612 9 8 The Target 7381 Pete All right.
49613 9 8 The Target 7382 Dwight You get half now and half upon completion of said job.
49614 9 8 The Target 7382 Trevor And that's all off the books?
49615 9 8 The Target 7382 Angela Obviously.
49616 9 8 The Target 7382 Trevor Nice. No taxes.
49617 9 8 The Target 7382 Angela Okay, so everything you need to know about the target is in here.
49618 9 8 The Target 7382 Trevor So what's the job?
49619 9 8 The Target 7382 Angela Murder.
49620 9 8 The Target 7382 Trevor Okay, that's the big one. That's the big "M."
49621 9 8 The Target 7383 Dwight You can't have someone murdered.
49622 9 8 The Target 7383 Angela What if they deserved it?
49623 9 8 The Target 7383 Dwight What did they do to you, Angela?
49624 9 8 The Target 7383 Angela They're sleeping with my husband.
49625 9 8 The Target 7383 Dwight Oh, Monkey. Oh, I feel for you.
49626 9 8 The Target 7383 Trevor This seems a little crazy.
49627 9 8 The Target 7383 Dwight Yes. Crazy. Thank you.
49628 9 8 The Target 7383 Trevor But I think I'm up for it.
49629 9 8 The Target 7383 Dwight No! No!
49630 9 8 The Target 7383 Angela Thank you.
49631 9 8 The Target 7383 Dwight Absolutely not. There are a lot of different ways to get revenge. I've had great success by defecating in a paper bag, put it on the porch--
49632 9 8 The Target 7383 Trevor That's very effective. I've been on the receiving end of that quite a few times. It's devastating.
49633 9 8 The Target 7383 Angela No, no, no. It has to be physical. I want this person to suffer.
49634 9 8 The Target 7383 Trevor What about a knee-capping?
49635 9 8 The Target 7383 Dwight No! You're not helping, Trevor!
49636 9 8 The Target 7383 Angela Yes, a knee-capping could work.
49637 9 8 The Target 7383 Dwight No. Angela! What are you saying?
49638 9 8 The Target 7383 Angela You said you would be there for me.
49639 9 8 The Target 7383 Dwight I'm trying, but what you're asking is--
49640 9 8 The Target 7383 Angela It's the only thing that will make this right.
49641 9 8 The Target 7383 Dwight Okay. But it's cruel, because a woman with damaged knees can't scrub worth a damn.
49642 9 8 The Target 7383 Trevor All right, then it's settled. One knee-capping. Now, the hit goes down at 4:00. Keep in mind, once I leave, there's no turning back.
49643 9 8 The Target 7384 Jim You know, truth be told, I think all you'll really be doing is accepting calls from my clients while I'm gone.
49644 9 8 The Target 7384 Stanley We've got all afternoon to talk about that.
49645 9 8 The Target 7384 Waiter Morning, folks.
49646 9 8 The Target 7384 Stanley I'll have the surf and turf with a side order of lobster.
49647 9 8 The Target 7384 Waiter Actually, the surf and turf does come with lob--
49648 9 8 The Target 7384 Stanley Not enough lobster. Side order.
49649 9 8 The Target 7384 Phyllis How much wine do you have?
49650 9 8 The Target 7385 Oscar I brought you a cookie.
49651 9 8 The Target 7385 Angela Oh, thanks, Oscar. You're such an angel.
49652 9 8 The Target 7386 Oscar I just gave her a cookie, and she called me an angel, so... yeah, we're good. Yeah. We dodged a bullet, yes. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, yeah-- Well, I gotta go now, but-- Okay, bye. Bye.
49653 9 8 The Target 7387 Pete There we go.
49654 9 8 The Target 7387 Pete Nicely done. Very nicely done. All right, this next one goes to Darryl for pocket dialing a customer while having s*x.
49655 9 8 The Target 7387 Nellie Oooohh... you salty dog.
49656 9 8 The Target 7387 Darryl Well, yeah, what can I say, a player's gotta play.
49657 9 8 The Target 7387 Pete There you go.
49658 9 8 The Target 7388 Darryl Actually, that was the sound of me eating spaghetti. But I'm gonna let them think the other thing.
49659 9 8 The Target 7389 Kevin Okay, I got this one.
49660 9 8 The Target 7389 Nellie Oh, be careful! Be careful! Be careful
49661 9 8 The Target 7389 Kevin No, I got it. Easy does it, everyone. Nobody even take a breath.
49662 9 8 The Target 7389 Everyone Oh no! Kevin!
49663 9 8 The Target 7389 Nellie What did I just say? What did I just say?
49664 9 8 The Target 7389 Pete Hey, hey, hey, it's just a mistake. Just a mistake. That's what this tower's all about --  mistakes. Okay, if you're afraid of screwing up, the tower's not for you. Show of hands --- who here has never had a complaint? That's right. Nobody. See that? Nobody. Okay? Let's get back to work, huh? Come on, you in?
49665 9 8 The Target 7389 Kevin Yeah.
49666 9 8 The Target 7389 Pete There we go. All right, let's do it.
49667 9 8 The Target 7390 Jim You know, at the end of the day, it's really only two days. I mean, I'll be back in the office.  If you need me for an emergency, call me.  I'll be there...
49668 9 8 The Target 7390 Phyllis You know what? I don't know where the years went.  â˜Cause sometimes when I look at my hands, I don't even recognize them.
49669 9 8 The Target 7390 Jim Tell me about it.
49670 9 8 The Target 7390 Phyllis Whose hands are these? Theyre not my hands. I don't know.
49671 9 8 The Target 7390 Jim All right. You know what?  Maybe we'll just... We'll go slow.
49672 9 8 The Target 7390 Phyllis No. Jim...
49673 9 8 The Target 7391 Pete All right. Check it out.
49674 9 8 The Target 7391 Pete Like a Phoenix from the ashes. Ksshhhh!
49675 9 8 The Target 7391 Kevin Nice.  Pretty soon, we're gonna be at the ceiling.
49676 9 8 The Target 7391 Erin Whoo!
49677 9 8 The Target 7391 Pete Can you hand me a card?
49678 9 8 The Target 7391 Erin Um,. it's empty.
49679 9 8 The Target 7391 Pete What?
49680 9 8 The Target 7391 Nellie Oh, come on. We could use a blank card.
49681 9 8 The Target 7391 Everyone No!!
49682 9 8 The Target 7391 Meredith That's cheating.
49683 9 8 The Target 7391 Pam I could get us a complaint.
49684 9 8 The Target 7391 Meredith You? Little Miss Priss? You wouldn't fart on a butterfly.
49685 9 8 The Target 7391 Pam No, I wouldn't. I can't even relate to that impulse. But I bet I could get us a customer complaint. I'd like to try.
49686 9 8 The Target 7391 Nellie Hmm. Yeah.  All right! Yea, go, Pam! Pam...
49687 9 8 The Target 7391 Everyone "Pam!"
49688 9 8 The Target 7392 Angela What? Why did you call me out here?
49689 9 8 The Target 7392 Dwight The target-- it's Oscar, isn't it? He and the senator are gaying each other.
49690 9 8 The Target 7392 Angela I don't know what you're talking about.
49691 9 8 The Target 7392 Dwight Your nostrils tell a different story. They flare like that every time you're engaging in deception. Hello again, naughty nostrils.
49692 9 8 The Target 7392 Angela Fine! It's Oscar. So what?
49693 9 8 The Target 7392 Dwight Well I could understand you wanting to get a stranger's knees whacked. But a co-worker-- Dare I say, a friend?
49694 9 8 The Target 7392 Angela Exactly, a friend. Someone who sits next to you year after year, making chitchat and smiling, and all the while running behind your back and defiling your marriage and seducing your husband.
49695 9 8 The Target 7392 Dwight I can't even imagine how painful this must be for you. But the first ones to break your marriage vows were you and me.
49696 9 8 The Target 7392 Angela Well, you might be right. But it's too late now.
49697 9 8 The Target 7392 Dwight What do you mean?
49698 9 8 The Target 7392 Angela He's here.
49699 9 8 The Target 7392 Dwight No! No, no!
49700 9 8 The Target 7393 Dwight Oscar? Oscar. Oscar, good. Hey come with me.
49701 9 8 The Target 7393 Oscar What?
49702 9 8 The Target 7393 Dwight Come -- come with me.
49703 9 8 The Target 7393 Oscar What are you doing?
49704 9 8 The Target 7393 Dwight There are a bunch of construction workers in the warehouse without their trousers, drinking diet sodas. You have got to see this. They're extraordinary.
49705 9 8 The Target 7393 Meredith Yahtzee.
49706 9 8 The Target 7393 Trevor Sandwich delivery for Mr. Oscar Martinez.
49707 9 8 The Target 7393 Kevin I am Oscar Martinez.
49708 9 8 The Target 7393 Angela No, not him, not him. Outside. Outside.
49709 9 8 The Target 7393 Kevin Wha-- wh--
49710 9 8 The Target 7393 Angela You know, there's doughnuts in the break room.
49711 9 8 The Target 7393 Kevin Nice! Yeah.
49712 9 8 The Target 7394 Jim Listen, I was really wondering if maybe we could lock this down before lunch is over.
49713 9 8 The Target 7394 Stanley Don't be pushy Jim. It's tacky.
49714 9 8 The Target 7394 Jim All right. Phyllis! Phyllis, that's-- that's decorative.
49715 9 8 The Target 7394 Phyllis No, there's wine in here.
49716 9 8 The Target 7394 Jim Still decorative.
49717 9 8 The Target 7394 Stanley Is it white wine?
49718 9 8 The Target 7394 Jim No.
49719 9 8 The Target 7394 Phyllis Can you help me?
49720 9 8 The Target 7394 Jim Don't-- don't-- don't pole people with knives.
49721 9 8 The Target 7394 Phyllis ha ha!
49722 9 8 The Target 7394 Jim Phyllis!  Wow.
49723 9 8 The Target 7394 Stanley Ooh, bring it over.
49724 9 8 The Target 7394 Phyllis Got it.
49725 9 8 The Target 7395 Dwight There's no time to explain. Okay, actually, there is time to explain. When Angela found out that you seduced her husband, we hired a guy to break your knee caps.
49726 9 8 The Target 7395 Oscar Oh, my God! What is wrong wiht you?
49727 9 8 The Target 7395 Dwight What is wrong with you? There are a million gorgeous guys in the Scranton Wilkes-Barre area, and you choose the man who's the father of her child?
49728 9 8 The Target 7395 Oscar I don't know what you're talking about.
49729 9 8 The Target 7395 Dwight Oh, don't lie. I'm trying to save those precious knees you're always bragging about.  Now, let's get out of here. He could be right behind us.
49730 9 8 The Target 7396 Dwight Aah! Actually, he's right in front of us.
49731 9 8 The Target 7396 Trevor Let's get it on. I'm gonna do this. I might-- I might puke, but I'm gonna do this.
49732 9 8 The Target 7396 Dwight No, Trevor, I am not gonna let you. He's a Dunder-Mifflin man. He's my tribe.
49733 9 8 The Target 7396 Trevor I'm sorry, Dwight, but for once in my stupid, stupid life, I'm gonna follow through on something, all right? I have masculinity issues-- Stop! No!
49734 9 8 The Target 7396 Oscar I got it.
49735 9 8 The Target 7396 Dwight Disarm!
49736 9 8 The Target 7396 Trevor You don't--
49737 9 8 The Target 7396 Dwight Don't move. And disarm now!
49738 9 8 The Target 7396 Trevor Okay, okay, okay, okay.
49739 9 8 The Target 7396 Dwight No! No, Oscar. He's a friend. He's a friend.
49740 9 8 The Target 7397 Erin Okay, the client is Heymont Brake and Tire. They're family-owned, but don't let that take away from your edge!
49741 9 8 The Target 7397 Nellie Come on, Pam, I know you can fail. I see failure in you.
49742 9 8 The Target 7397 Creed Remember, you're a scumbag, so you think scummy thoughts. Like this.
49743 9 8 The Target 7397 Pam Hello, this is Pam Halpert. I'm calling from Dunder-Mifflin. Yes, your paper provider. And I just called to say... your mama is so fat, when she wears red, people yell, "Hey, kool-aid." Yeah, your mama's fat. This is Pam Halpert.
49744 9 8 The Target 7397 Pete Did she buy it?
49745 9 8 The Target 7397 Pam Basically I couldn't tell, but I think...
49746 9 8 The Target 7397 Nellie Were they angry?
49747 9 8 The Target 7397 Pam I-- I thought they were confused at least...
49748 9 8 The Target 7397 Nellie Okay.
49749 9 8 The Target 7397 Erin Dunder Mifflin. This is Erin. Yes, you can. Okay. I will make sure that goes on file. Ladies and gentlemen, we just lost a client!
49750 9 8 The Target 7397 Kevin Nice. Nice.
49751 9 8 The Target 7397 Creed You did good. You did good.
49752 9 8 The Target 7397 Pete See ya later, Heymont.
49753 9 8 The Target 7398 Dwight No.
49754 9 8 The Target 7398 Trevor If you chase me, I will run so fast. If you catch me I will bite so hard. Got it? Good-bye, my friend.
49755 9 8 The Target 7398 Oscar What the hell, Dwight?
49756 9 8 The Target 7398 Dwight See ya later, Trevor.
49757 9 8 The Target 7398 Oscar you are incorrigible!
49758 9 8 The Target 7398 Dwight I just saved your life. You're welcome!
49759 9 8 The Target 7398 Oscar You hired someone to hit me with a pipe!
49760 9 8 The Target 7398 Angela You deserved every bit of it!  You made my husband gay.
49761 9 8 The Target 7398 Oscar What-- what I did was wrong, and I have to live with that every day. But your husband is... gay. He was gay when you married him!
49762 9 8 The Target 7398 Angela No. No.
49763 9 8 The Target 7398 Oscar Angela, until you face that, you're gonna be confused and angry for all the wrong reasons. But if you want to blame me for the whole thing, go ahead -- I won't stop you. Hit me. you have my blessing. Hit me.
49764 9 8 The Target 7398 Angela Well are you gonna let go of it? Because part of the blame is definitely on you.
49765 9 8 The Target 7398 Oscar Angela, it's a lead freaking pipe.
49766 9 8 The Target 7398 Angela God!
49767 9 8 The Target 7398 Oscar Aah!
49768 9 8 The Target 7398 Angela You were supposed to be my friend.
49769 9 8 The Target 7398 Oscar I'm so sorry. Angela--
49770 9 8 The Target 7398 Dwight Oscar.
49771 9 8 The Target 7399 Pete Our crowning complaint card comes to us thanks to Pamela Halpert...
49772 9 8 The Target 7399 Pete For insulting a client's recently deceased mother.
49773 9 8 The Target 7399 Nellie Yes!
49774 9 8 The Target 7399 Pam I did not know that.
49775 9 8 The Target 7399 Pete Well, a woman who struggled with obesity all her life.
49776 9 8 The Target 7399 Pam I'm so sorry.
49777 9 8 The Target 7399 Meredith Wow.
49778 9 8 The Target 7399 Pete yeah. That's-- that is terrible.
49779 9 8 The Target 7399 Kevin You did it.
49780 9 8 The Target 7399 Erin Yeah!
49781 9 8 The Target 7400 Angela I feel so stupid. I sit next to him every day.
49782 9 8 The Target 7400 Dwight You're not stupid. Jazz is stupid.
49783 9 8 The Target 7400 Angela Jazz is stupid!  I mean, just play the right notes!
49784 9 8 The Target 7400 Dwight I know. You're gonna be okay, Monkey.
49785 9 8 The Target 7400 Angela I don't like your friend Trevor.
49786 9 8 The Target 7400 Dwight I don't like him either.  And yet I really like him.
49787 9 8 The Target 7401 Jim Well, we're here. Perfect. Â
49788 9 8 The Target 7401 Phyllis We're gonna cover for you, ya know.
49789 9 8 The Target 7401 Jim Phyllis, what was that?Phyllis are you dreaming, or--
49790 9 8 The Target 7401 Stanley I did enjoy grinding your beans, son.
49791 9 8 The Target 7401 Phyllis Yeah, we really did peel your grapes.
49792 9 8 The Target 7401 Jim This is hilarious, but we're gonna stop with all--
49793 9 8 The Target 7401 Stanley Shuckin' your peas.
49794 9 8 The Target 7401 Jim Shuckin' the peas.  You should go back to the first part, though. You are  gonna  cover for me?
49795 9 8 The Target 7401 Stanley Yeah.
49796 9 8 The Target 7401 Phyllis Of course we are, Jimmy. We love you guys.
49797 9 8 The Target 7401 Jim Oh, my God, thank you. Thank you.
49798 9 8 The Target 7402 Pam If you're an artist, you have to be okay with the idea  that you can't please everybody all the time.
49799 9 8 The Target 7402 Hide You paint very bad--
49800 9 8 The Target 7402 Pam Shut up, Hide!  I mean, do you think Kevin cares what people think about him-- or Creed or Meredith? Oh my gosh, these are my role models now. You know what? I'm okay with that.
49801 9 8 The Target 7403 Dwight Where does gayness come from? And how is it transmitted?
49802 9 8 The Target 7403 Toby That is-- that is a loaded question.
49803 9 8 The Target 7403 Angela My pastor said it can come from breast feeding.
49804 9 8 The Target 7403 Toby He said that?
49805 9 8 The Target 7403 Angela Well, he didn't fight me hard on it.
49806 9 8 The Target 7403 Toby I-- I don't know if there's truth to-- to, uh, to that.
49807 9 8 The Target 7403 Angela What is it called when two men intertwine their penises like the snakes on the medic-alert bracelet?
49808 9 8 The Target 7403 Toby Oh... uh...
49809 9 8 The Target 7403 Angela Is it called red-vining?
49810 9 8 The Target 7403 Dwight Is it called red-vining?
49811 9 8 The Target 7403 Toby I don't...
49812 9 8 The Target 7403 Dwight We heard it was called red-vining.
49813 9 8 The Target 7403 Angela People red vine.
49814 9 8 The Target 7403 Dwight Where are gay mens' vaginas?
49815 9 8 The Target 7403 Toby They don't have vaginas.
49816 9 8 The Target 7403 Dwight What?
49817 9 8 The Target 7403 Toby No. They're just regular men.
49818 9 8 The Target 7403 Dwight When two gay men have s*x, how do they know whose pen1s will open up to accept the other person's pen1s?
49819 9 8 The Target 7403 Toby Uh... wow....
49820 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7404 Jim I'm having second thoughts about one of the shirts I packed. The blue one with the stripes.
49821 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7404 Pam I'm sure it's fine. it's a blue shirt.
49822 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7404 Jim Well, yeah, but I'm wondering if it's too blue. Like, am I making a statement with the blueness?
49823 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7405 Jim I am leaving early today for Philly, because tomorrow is the first day of my new job. So I figure I'd get in at 5:00, check into a hotel at about 6:00 so I can get a real good night of restless sleep and nervous puking.
49824 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7406 Dwight Uh, excuse me. Trying to get work done. Some people don't care about Jim's new sports job in Phila-Whatever.
49825 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7406 Jim So you know my job has something to do with sports, but you don't know the end of the word "Philadelphia"?
49826 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7406 Dwight Philadelphia. From the greek phila meaning "Love," and adelph, meaning "Adolf." "the city that loves Adolf." Good luck with your new enterprise and don't wear the blue striped shirt. It makes your neck look like an old mop handle.
49827 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7406 Erin Oh...Hey, guys, the Christmas party is today. Merry Christmas everyone!
49828 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7406 Angela No.
49829 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7406 Nellie Is It?
49830 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7406 Erin I mean, it says "X-Mas party," but I think we all know what that's code for.
49831 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7406 Kevin So we're not going to have a Christmas party this year? Angela, how could you do this to us?
49832 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7406 Angela Oh, right, like I'm responsible 'cause I'm in charge of the party planning committee.
49833 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7406 Kevin Well, you are the one in charge of it.
49834 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7406 Angela Don't blame me for something we all forgot.
49835 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7406 Oscar Yeah, let's not blame her for something we all forgot.
49836 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7407 Oscar I didn't realize how many of Angela's opinions I agreed with, until she tried to have my kneecap shattered for sleeping with her husband. She makes a lot of very sound points.
49837 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7408 Phyllis I knew the party was today, but nobody asked me to plan it, so I didn't. Hmm, funny how that works.
49838 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7408 Meredith We're out there sweating our balls off every day, bustin' our balls. We deserve a Christmas party!
49839 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7408 Nellie Well, then, why don't we just get some liquor and those mini-Cupcakes?
49840 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7408 Kevin Mini-Cupcakes? As in the mini version of regular cupcakes, which is already a mini version of cake? Honestly, where does it end with you people?
49841 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7408 Dwight What about an authentic Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas? Drink some gluhwein, enjoy some hasenpfeffer. Enjoy Christmas with saint Nicolas' rural German companion, Belsnickel.
49842 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7408 Jim Yes! That, that, that! We're definitely doing that. Are we all in agreement?
49843 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7408 Kevin No.
49844 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7408 Angela No!
49845 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7408 Jim Done, right?
49846 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7408 Angela No.
49847 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7408 Stanley No. I want Tropical Christmas.
49848 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7408 Meredith Topless Christmas.
49849 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7408 Creed Tapas swiss miss.
49850 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7409 Creed Spanish tapas, and swiss miss hot cocoa--What's so hard to understand?
49851 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7410 Dwight Or, who was it that suggested the authentic Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas? I think it was someone really popular.
49852 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7410 Phyllis We already said no.
49853 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7410 Angela No, no, no.
49854 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7410 Nellie Too weird.
49855 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7411 Dwight This is me and my family celebrating Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas in 1982 on the farm. There's me and my brother Jeb breaking the ceremonial pig rib. He doesn't come back for Christmas anymore. The sepia tint is from an app on my phone. This is the same photo, matrix style.
49856 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7412 Jim I'm not understanding the confusion. Am I the only one who wants to try hufflepuffs and schnauzerhosen, and meet this glenpickle guy?
49857 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7412 Angela Party planning cimmittee, emgergency meeting. Now.
49858 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7412 Pam I'm on it.
49859 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7412 Jim Right.
49860 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7413 Pete I'm just hoping German terrorists don't take over this Christmas party. Make me go all John McClane on their asses.
49861 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7413 Erin Wait, German terrorists? That's oddly specific. And I think--I think you mean John McCain.
49862 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7413 Pete Die hard reference.
49863 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7413 Erin I haven't seen it.
49864 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7413 Pete You haven't seen die hard?
49865 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7413 Erin Mm-Mmm.
49866 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7413 Pete Why haven't you seen die hard?
49867 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7413 Erin I don't know, I just haven't.
49868 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7413 Kevin Come on, you had to have at least seen some of it.
49869 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7413 Erin No.
49870 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7413 Kevin "now, i have a machine gun. Ho, ho, ho."
49871 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7413 Pete "Come out to the coast, we'll get together, have a few laughs."
49872 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7413 Erin None of this makes any sense to me!
49873 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7413 Kevin Oh, yeah, and when he takes the gun off his back, and he's like, "Yippie-Ki-Yay, mother--"
49874 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7413 Pete Actually, he doesn't say that there. He says it earlier when he's on the radio with Hans.
49875 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7413 Kevin Yes, you are right. Forgive me.
49876 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7413 Pete Oh, that's okay, bud.
49877 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7413 Kevin Nope.
49878 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7413 Pete Common mistake.
49879 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7413 Kevin No, it's not.
49880 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7413 Erin Nerd! Do you know every line of the movie?
49881 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7413 Pete My brother dared me to memorize it, and I did it, and loved doing it.
49882 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7413 Erin Okay, let's hear it.
49883 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7413 Pete Hear what?
49884 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7413 Erin Die hard. Every line. Go.
49885 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7413 Pete "You don't like flying, do you?"
49886 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7413 Erin Don't change the subject.
49887 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7413 Pete No, that's the--
49888 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7413 Erin Movie is starting.
49889 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7414 Jim We're thinking of collaborating with Mike Schmidt on some of his charity work.
49890 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7414 Stanley I love Philly. Dirty town.
49891 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7414 Darryl Ah-Ha-Ha! Philly! Exciting stuff, man.
49892 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7414 Jim Whoo!
49893 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7414 Darryl So you sure you remembered everything for your trip?
49894 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7414 Jim Yeah, I think so.
49895 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7414 Darryl Think that through for a sec.
49896 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7415 Darryl Yeah, Jim's going to philly tomorrow. He said he was gonna take me with him, but that was two months ago. And I haven't heard anything since. I mean, he said that, right?
49897 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7416 Darryl What else could you possibly be forgetting?
49898 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7416 Jim Uh--
49899 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7416 Darryl Things? People?
49900 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7416 Toby You know who's not gonna get to work on some exciting new startup this year? George Howard Skub, a.k.a. the alleged Scranton strangler, because he's in prison for something he may not have done.
49901 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7416 Nellie I'm sorry, the--Uh, the Scranton who?
49902 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7416 Toby The Scranton strangler. George Howard Skub. Haven't I told you about the jury I was on a couple years ago?
49903 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7416 Nellie Oh, what happened? I mean, if you can talk about it, obviously. Because if you can't, I mean, I understand.
49904 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7416 Toby I--I could--I could talk about it.
49905 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7416 Stanley See you next Christmas.
49906 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7416 Toby I could, sure. Have a seat. I would start at the beginning, but I think I need to go farther back.
49907 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7417 Pam We're the party planning committee, and we did not get where we are by playing it safe. We got here by being risk takers. And, yeah, Dwight's party is gonna be terrible. Maybe. Maybe it's not. Maybe it's going to be great. And if it's great...I think we all know what that would mean to us.
49908 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7417 Phyllis Let's do it!
49909 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7417 Pam Yes! Phyllis!
49910 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7417 Angela No. I don't want my name attached to this party.
49911 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7417 Pam What does that even mean? Where would your name appear?
49912 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7417 Angela Please just take my name off of everything.
49913 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7417 Oscar Just take her name off of everything.
49914 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7417 Pam The party planning committee, minus Angela, has decided that we're all going to do Dwight's Christmas.
49915 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7417 Dwight Yes! Yeah! Yeah! Okay! Yes! It's a Christmas Miracle! Yeah! Whoo-Hoo!
49916 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7417 Pam Dwight, there is one rule that you need to take very seriously.
49917 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7417 Dwight Uh-huh.
49918 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7417 Pam And that is...
49919 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7417 Dwight Uh, Oh.
49920 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7417 Pam That there are no rules.
49921 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7417 Dwight You have never been cooler.
49922 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7418 Jim Best Christmas ever.
49923 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7418 Pam You're welcome.
49924 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7418 Jim Thank you.
49925 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7419 Dwight And Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas has officially begun.
49926 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7419 Meredith Ugh. What is this stuff, lava?
49927 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7419 Dwight That is gluhwein, otherwise known as glow-wine, also used to sterilize medical instruments. And, interesting factoid, this is the very spoon that guided my soft skull through the birth canal when I was born. Enjoy.
49928 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7419 Pam What is it? Don't touch it.
49929 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7419 Dwight Somebody's found the hog maw.
49930 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7419 Pam Oh!
49931 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7419 Dwight What? It's a Pennsylvania Dutch specialty. Hog maw. That's a beauty, isn't it? I don't even want to tell you what it's made of until after you try it.
49932 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7419 Stanley Ugh. I'm not eating mystery meat.
49933 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7419 Dwight It is stuffed pig stomach. And, after we finish it, we get to break the pig rib.
49934 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7419 Jim Can't wait.
49935 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7419 Meredith Weird. Where are the sugar cookies? Where's the karaoke machine?
49936 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7419 Dwight This is austere, Meredith. This is celebrating Christmas for all of the right reasons. The cookies and toys and sweets are mere distractions. I mean, most people don't even know that a candy cane represents a Shepherd's Crook, which I assure you does not taste like peppermint. It tastes like sheep feces.
49937 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7419 Oscar How would anyone even know--
49938 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7419 Dwight Have you ever tasted a Shepherd's Crook?
49939 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7420 Jim I don't know. Is it what you expected?
49940 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7420 Pam I feel like --Dwight is holding a candle and reading a poem.
49941 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7420 Jim So happy right now.
49942 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7421 Dwight Wait, what is that I hear? Is someone on the roof? How strange. Excuse me. I have to run to my car to take a dump.
49943 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7421 Kevin I wish my car had a bathroom.
49944 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7422 Pete "Let Heinrich plant the detonators and Theo prepare the vault. After that--"
49945 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7422 Erin Eh. That wasn't the line. I'm sorry, Pete.
49946 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7422 Pete That is transcribed by some fan. They make mistakes.
49947 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7422 Erin I don't know. This looks pretty legit. Oh, my gosh. I just got an email from Andy. That means they hit land.
49948 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7423 Erin "What up, shorty? We got in last night, sold the boat, went out, got drunk, saw life of pi, got super depressed and introspective. Gonna hang out here a while. Maybe a couple of weeks. Figure this whole life thing out. Maybe see hobbit. Lates."
49949 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7424 Pete Hey. Everything okay?
49950 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7424 Erin So what comes next?
49951 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7424 Pete Right, um, okay. So he says, uh, "After we call the police, they'll waste hours trying to negotiate--"
49952 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7424 Erin We should just watch the movie. That makes much more sense.
49953 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7424 Pete Or we can just sit and talk, though.
49954 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7424 Erin No. No more talking. It's movie time.
49955 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7424 Pete I mean, are you sure...Um, yeah, I probably have a copy or two in my car.
49956 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7424 Erin Oh, great. Great! So we're watching die hard, now. Good! This is a good plan.
49957 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7424 Pete Okay.
49958 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7424 Toby Here's the thing about moonlight. It's not sunlight.
49959 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7425 Kevin I love this hog mama.
49960 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7425 Phyllis Dwight said it's "Hog maw."
49961 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7425 Kevin What is maw?!
49962 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7425 Phyllis It's the lining of the stomach of--
49963 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7425 Dwight Ohh... Judgment is nigh, for the belsnickel ist I!
49964 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7425 Jim Yes, he is finally nigh.
49965 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7425 Dwight I am nigh!
49966 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7426 Dwight Every year, my grandfather would dress up as belsnickel at Christmas. He was...okay at it. I am great. You know how they say some people were born to be bad? Well, I was born to be belsnickel.
49967 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7427 Dwight Ooh, belsnickel has traveled from distant lands to discover how all the boys and the girls have been behaving this last year. Whoo hoo HOO hoo hoo! Ohh...Too much strudel.
49968 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7427 Jim So he's kind of like santa, except dirty and worse.
49969 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7427 Dwight No, much better--No one fears santa the way they fear belsnickel.
49970 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7427 Jim Wow! It's my favorite part of Christmas. The authority.
49971 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7427 Pam And the fear.
49972 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7427 Dwight Yes, exactly!
49973 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7427 Phyllis Come on, Dwight, you're making this up.
49974 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7427 Dwight No.
49975 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7427 Oscar This is a real thing. "Belsnickel is a crotchety, fur-clad gift giver related to other companions of st. Nicholas in the folklore of southwestern Germany."
49976 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7427 Angela Huh.
49977 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7427 Pam Wow.
49978 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7427 Dwight Okay, great. Seriously, you guys? Now you believe in Dwight's traditions, when some democrat looks it up on wikipedia?
49979 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7427 Oscar "His partner, zwarte piet, or black Peter, a slave boy, often portrayed in colorful pantaloons and blackface."
49980 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7427 Stanley Uh-Uh. No, Dwight. No.
49981 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7427 Dwight Oh, come on. We don't blindly stick to every outmoded aspect of our traditions. Come on, get with the spirit of it, you guys.
49982 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7428 Pete Okay, Karl was actually a ballet dancer in real life. Isn't that crazy?
49983 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7428 Erin Mm.
49984 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7429 Darryl Jim, that guy. You gotta stick to your word! Like when you say something to a buddy, a real buddy...what are you gonna do, lie? To your buddy? It's awful.
49985 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7430 Dwight Take a bowl and pass it down.
49986 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7430 Phyllis Thank you, Dwight. These are nice.
49987 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7430 Dwight No, these are gift bowls. When you recieve a gift, it will go in the bowl, but the bowls must be returned at the end. They're a set. Now, hold your bowls forward. The belsnickel will decide if you are impish or admirable.
49988 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7430 Jim Oh, it's like naughty or nice.
49989 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7430 Dwight No, impish or admirable.
49990 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7430 Jim Quick question--Do you just decide who gets what in the moment, or did you make a list?
49991 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7430 Dwight I decided earlier.
49992 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7430 Jim Oh, nice. Did you check that list?
49993 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7430 Dwight Of course I checked it.
49994 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7430 Jim But more than once? 'cause you could have made a mistake.
49995 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7430 Dwight I checked it more than once.
49996 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7430 Jim Okay, so you made a list, you checked it twice, and now you're gonna find out who's--
49997 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7430 Dwight Impish or admirable.
49998 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7430 Jim Damn.
49999 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7430 Dwight Phyllis Vance! Cheer or fear? Belsnickel is here! I judge your year as...admirable. There you are.
50000 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7430 Phyllis Oh. What are these?
50001 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7430 Dwight It's a set of rubber gaskets for canning jars.
50002 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7430 Phyllis I'd rather have the bowl.
50003 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7430 Dwight You can't have the bowl! Oscar Martinez, cheer or fear? Belsnickel is here! I judge your year ...as impish!
50004 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7430 Oscar Ow! You hit people with that thing?
50005 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7430 Dwight No, I'm carrying around the stick in order to look cool. For the kinder
50006 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7430 Jim Ooh.
50007 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7430 Pam Mouse trap.
50008 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7431 Dwight In a head-to-head contest, people prefer belsnickel over santa every time. There aren't as many songs about him, but I attribute that more to rhyming difficulties. My brother and I wrote one once. it was about a fickle pickle salesman who would tickle you for a nickel.
50009 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7432 Jim Oh, you know what? I gotta go.
50010 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7432 Dwight Stop giggling.
50011 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7432 Pam Oh, really? Already?
50012 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7432 Jim Yeah, it's all right.
50013 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7432 Dwight It's a punishment. Hey, where are you going?
50014 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7432 Jim I have to go to philly. But this was amazing. Okay.
50015 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7432 Dwight But you work tomorrow.
50016 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7432 Jim Yeah, I know, I'd just like to settle in and get a good night's sleep.
50017 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7432 Dwight But we were gonna break the pig rib.
50018 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7432 Jim Ooh.
50019 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7432 Dwight Remember?
50020 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7432 Jim That's right.
50021 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7432 Dwight No matter! Belsnickel cares not about this--off with you!
50022 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7432 Jim Perfect. Merry Christmas, everybody.
50023 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7432 Dwight Wait, wait, wait, wait! Don't you want to know your present?
50024 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7432 Jim You know what? Yeah. Have at it.
50025 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7432 Dwight Jim Halpert. Cheer or fear? Belsnickel is here! I judge your year as impish.
50026 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7432 Jim Ooh! Are you nuts?
50027 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7432 Dwight I judge you impish!
50028 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7432 Jim Ow! Ow! Okay, that is three, and you didn't hit anybody that hard.
50029 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7432 Dwight They're not abandoning the party.
50030 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7432 Jim Just--Just--Hey!
50031 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7432 Jim That's enough, I'm done! Okay? Agh!
50032 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7432 Dwight Impish!
50033 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7432 Jim Aah! Ow!
50034 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7432 Meredith Belsnickel, I gotta run out early too.
50035 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7433 Jim Oh...what was that? Now I'm gonna be all whipped for my first day at work. God. One second. Oh...
50036 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7433 Pam Well...this is it.
50037 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7433 Jim I'm probably never gonna see you again.
50038 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7433 Pam Shut up. I'm trying to be serious.
50039 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7433 Jim Okay, sorry, sorry.
50040 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7433 Pam I can't believe this is actually happening.
50041 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7433 Jim Listen, thank you so much for putting that all together. That was the perfect last Christmas party. All right, wish me luck.
50042 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7433 Pam Okay. Good luck. You're gonna be great.
50043 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7433 Jim I'll call you when I get in.
50044 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7433 Pam Okay.
50045 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7433 Jim All right.
50046 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7433 Pam Love you.
50047 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7433 Jim Love you.
50048 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7434 Pam What's going on?
50049 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7434 Dwight Party's over. You quit on Christmas, Christmas quits on you. And guess what, kids. Belsnickel isn't real. It's me, Dwight!
50050 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7435 Phyllis We found some old decorations in the warehouse. Oscar ran to the store for some food and drink, and I dipped into my stash of eggnog. I guess they needed me after all. It's like in it's a wonderful life when Jimmy Stewart realizes that all thos people at the building and loan were just jerks, and he was the real hero.
50051 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7435 Angela Kevin. Kevin! Aaah. Stop it!
50052 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7436 Nellie Oh, it sounds like the party's starting up out there.
50053 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7436 Toby Yeah. So anyway, the entire jury wants me to vote guilty. But then I did a little research of my own, and forget everything you thought you knew about fingerprinting.
50054 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7437 Darryl Meredith's a little cute. I'm just realizing. She got, like, a Emma Stone thing.
50055 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7438 Darryl Boo!
50056 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7438 Pam For what it's worth, I liked your party better.
50057 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7438 Dwight Everyone thought the food was gross, and that belsnickel was some darkly erotic freak.
50058 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7438 Pam I don't think anyone thought that.
50059 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7438 Dwight Jim couldn't even stay till the end of the party.
50060 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7438 Pam Well, that didn't have anything to do with you.
50061 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7438 Dwight I don't care. Guess how much I care on a scale of one to ten.
50062 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7438 Pam Zero.
50063 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7438 Dwight Damn It!
50064 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7439 Darryl I'm gonna tell Jim to go himself.
50065 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7440 Erin Do you think Andy would ever jump off an exploding building tied to a hose for me?
50066 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7440 Pete Yeah. Definitely. Hey, what's--Oh, no, come here. Hey, hey. Come on, huh?
50067 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7440 Erin I'm still Andy's girlfriend.
50068 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7440 Pete Oh, yeah, of course. I know.
50069 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7440 Erin But you can leave your arm.
50070 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7441 Pam Dwight, want me to get you some eggnog?
50071 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7441 Dwight No, thanks. I'll just have another dumatril. Jim taught me this really cool way to take it. You crush it into a powder, and you snort it up your butt.
50072 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7441 Jim Yep, I did say that.
50073 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7441 Pam Jim!
50074 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7441 Jim What's going on? Where's the belsnickel?
50075 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7441 Pam Oh--Oh my god!
50076 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7441 Jim What are you doing? Last time I saw you, you were whipping me out of the building.
50077 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7441 Dwight Shh. Let's not speak of that. The Pig Rib! We could totally break the pig rib! I'm gonna dig it out of the trash!
50078 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7441 Pam What happened? Did you miss your bus?
50079 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7441 Jim No. I just missed my wife.
50080 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7441 Dwight I found it!
50081 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7441 Jim And I found out that there's a bus at 5:00 a.m.
50082 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7442 Dwight Oh! Damn It! Jim got the bigger half.
50083 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7442 Darryl Back for more, huh?
50084 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7442 Jim Ooh, nog it. Let me get some nog. Thanks, Phyllis. Where's Andy?
50085 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7442 Darryl You!
50086 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7442 Jim Oh, hey, man. Oh, you know what? Before I forget again, I talked to the guys about hiring you. They're gonna bring you in for an interview.
50087 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7442 Darryl That's great.
50088 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7442 Jim Right?
50089 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7442 Darryl Thanks, man.
50090 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7442 Jim Hey, of course.
50091 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7442 Darryl I shall come by at your convenience.
50092 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7442 Jim Thank you, sir.
50093 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7442 Darryl Whoo!
50094 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7442 Jim Go get 'em.
50095 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7442 Darryl Oh! Whoa!
50096 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7442 Dwight Very impish.
50097 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7443 Toby Two dimes, seven nickels--Well, okay, no, that doesn't add up. It was one quarter and--
50098 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7443 Nellie Shh.
50099 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7443 Toby What? I was just explaining--
50100 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7443 Nellie Shh.
50101 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7443 Toby Why wouldn't it--
50102 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7443 Nellie Shh.
50103 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7443 Toby But why?
50104 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7443 Nellie No...more...talking.
50105 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7443 Toby Are you gonna kiss me?
50106 9 9 Dwight Christmas 7443 Nellie Yes.
50107 9 10 Lice 7444 Kevin To me, the Sixers are a five seed tops.
50108 9 10 Lice 7444 Jim I think they're going to the conference finals.
50109 9 10 Lice 7444 Kevin No.
50110 9 10 Lice 7444 Jim Bynum, obvious monster and the three point shooting, don't even-...
50111 9 10 Lice 7445 Jim I bit my lip at lunch today.
50112 9 10 Lice 7446 Darryl Sucks. Anyway, I just don't see it. The Knicks are tough.The Nets are tough.
50113 9 10 Lice 7446 Kevin Oh, the Nets are super tough.
50114 9 10 Lice 7447 Jim Now I have this big bump in my lip that hurts. I hate it.
50115 9 10 Lice 7448 Kevin The Hawks are terrible. They're always terrible.
50116 9 10 Lice 7448 Jim Okay, you need to think about it before you come with the...
50117 9 10 Lice 7449 Jim Whatever. It's not a big deal. You know I always tell my three year old, if this is the worst thing that's gonna happen... You gotta be kidding me! Ok! Pam! That's it, I'm going home!
50118 9 10 Lice 7450 Erin Good morning, Meredith.
50119 9 10 Lice 7450 Pam What?
50120 9 10 Lice 7450 Erin Oh, sorry, Pam. Yikes.
50121 9 10 Lice 7451 Pam Jim's been spending a few days a week in Philly and I'm not gonna lie, it's been challenging. Yesterday, things took a turn for the worse. I found out Cece has lice. So I was up all night disinfecting every sheet, towel, toy, item of clothing in the entire house. I'm exhausted. But don't tell Jim. He has a huge meeting today, under a lot of pressure and he's doing it all for the family.
50122 9 10 Lice 7452 Jim I am meeting Dr. J today, otherwise known as Julius Irving, famed 76er and my own personal hero. But i have to be careful not to rub it in Pam's face because let's be honest, how would I feel if I was at home stuck with the kids while she was go carting with John Stamos.
50123 9 10 Lice 7453 Jim You sound tired. Everything ok?
50124 9 10 Lice 7453 Pam Great. Everything's great. Hey are you nervous about your big meeting?
50125 9 10 Lice 7453 Jim Uhh, a little bit. It's a lot of pressure, you know, but that's what I signed up for right?
50126 9 10 Lice 7453 Worker Jim, limo's here.
50127 9 10 Lice 7453 Jim Uh, you know what, I gotta hop off because my, uh, taxi is here to take me to the meeting.
50128 9 10 Lice 7453 Pam Oh, call me later!
50129 9 10 Lice 7453 Jim Ok
50130 9 10 Lice 7453 Pam Good luck!
50131 9 10 Lice 7453 Jim Thanks!
50132 9 10 Lice 7453 Pam Love you.
50133 9 10 Lice 7453 Jim Love you too. Bye.
50134 9 10 Lice 7454 Val How you doing?
50135 9 10 Lice 7454 Darryl Alright. I mean, it's what you want, so...
50136 9 10 Lice 7454 Val It's how it has to be.
50137 9 10 Lice 7454 Darryl I know, I know. It's just hard.
50138 9 10 Lice 7455 Darryl Me and Val were going nowhere and if I'm gonna be working in Philly, I'm gonna need my freedom. So, I convinced Val to breakup with me. Here's how you do it. You say, "What are you gonna do, breakup with me?" Like it's a joke, and then you gain a lot of weight.
50139 9 10 Lice 7456 Darryl I'll never be sorry, not for a moment of it.
50140 9 10 Lice 7456 Val Me neither. Come here.
50141 9 10 Lice 7457 Pam Hey Meredith, I need your supplier requests today.
50142 9 10 Lice 7457 Meredith Jeez H. in the morning. Will you stop your nagging already? No wonder Jim left you.
50143 9 10 Lice 7457 Pam He didn't leave me. He just went part time. Can you just fill out the form please?
50144 9 10 Lice 7457 Meredith Yes.
50145 9 10 Lice 7458 Pam I'm sure she's just confused. People scratch their heads when they're confused. Not always like an ape, the way Meredith just did, but it happens.
50146 9 10 Lice 7459 Meredith Hurry up already.
50147 9 10 Lice 7459 Erin Trust me, I know what I'm doing. Between the foster homes and the orphanage, I had lice 22 times.
50148 9 10 Lice 7459 Erin Holy wow, that's a big one. Alright, pencils down everyone, we got lice!
50149 9 10 Lice 7459 Angela Oh God, Meredith, lice? Did you not sign a pledge to shower?
50150 9 10 Lice 7459 Dwight What? Lice? Oh my god. Lock the doors, we are on full quarantine.
50151 9 10 Lice 7459 Pam Dwight, relax. It's just lice. Maybe, possibly.
50152 9 10 Lice 7459 Dwight Just lice Pam?
50153 9 10 Lice 7460 Dwight Of all of the vermin in God's great green kingdom, lice are the ones I detest the most. My first day of school, I had lice, and no one would play with me. For 15 years, they called me freak and four eyes and sci-fi nerd and girl puncher. All because I had lice when I was 7.
50154 9 10 Lice 7461 Dwight Make way, nope, inspect me.
50155 9 10 Lice 7461 Erin Oh, this is the cleanest scalp I've ever seen. You are all clear.
50156 9 10 Lice 7461 Dwight Should be. I use lice shampoo every morning.
50157 9 10 Lice 7461 Pam Stop that!
50158 9 10 Lice 7461 Angela Dwight!
50159 9 10 Lice 7461 Erin Next!
50160 9 10 Lice 7461 Angela Geez Meredith, you know, this is an office not one of your bean bag orgies.
50161 9 10 Lice 7461 Pam Alright, let's give her a break. We don't know for sure this is Meredith's fault.
50162 9 10 Lice 7461 Oscar Pam, really? Come on.
50163 9 10 Lice 7461 Meredith Hey, what do you want? I know who I am. Nobody's taken Meredith Palmer to the opera to meet the queen.
50164 9 10 Lice 7461 Erin Lice. More lice. Angela has lice.
50165 9 10 Lice 7461 Angela Ew! Oh.
50166 9 10 Lice 7461 Erin Ooh yabber, lice!
50167 9 10 Lice 7461 Erin Yikers, lice.
50168 9 10 Lice 7461 Pam No! How? I'm so clean!
50169 9 10 Lice 7461 Erin Oh yeah, big time lice.
50170 9 10 Lice 7462 Oscar I wash my hands at least six times a day. Toilet seat covers? Yes, thank you, even when I pee. Apparently, none of that is protection enough. Not when it comes to Meredith.
50171 9 10 Lice 7463 Phyllis What are you wearing?
50172 9 10 Lice 7463 Dwight It's a Hazmat suit. That stands for hazaderous materials men's suit wearing. If you rent more than four times a year, it just makes sense to buy. Is there anyone else here that is lice free? Excellent. Do you have your own hazmat suits?
50173 9 10 Lice 7463 Nellie No.
50174 9 10 Lice 7463 Kevin No.
50175 9 10 Lice 7463 Dwight Renters. Ok, I'm gonna need you to gather your belongings, retreat to the warehouse, conduct your business there until the infected have been deloused. Let's get going. I'm gonna stay here and fight. If you don't hear from me by lunch, call me. I might want lunch.
50176 9 10 Lice 7464 Darryl Alright, we're going down to my warehouse, that means we're playing by my rules. No messing with the baler and be cool in front of me and Val. We just broke up.
50177 9 10 Lice 7464 Phyllis You got dumped?
50178 9 10 Lice 7464 Darryl Yeah, she ended things.
50179 9 10 Lice 7464 Nellie Breakups are the worst. The only thing that got me through mine are large amounts of shepard's pie and Brandy. The singer, not the drink.
50180 9 10 Lice 7464 Kevin Here man. You need that more than me.
50181 9 10 Lice 7464 Darryl Thanks, man.
50182 9 10 Lice 7464 Kevin Yeah
50183 9 10 Lice 7465 Pam Guys, I think we should all ease up on Meredith. This has got to be hard for her.
50184 9 10 Lice 7465 Angela Oh, no no no no no. I have not yet begun to shame.
50185 9 10 Lice 7465 Stanley That's it. I'm getting my stuff. I'm leaving for the day.
50186 9 10 Lice 7465 Erin No! Stanley! If you leave now then you'll get it in your car and then you'll get it in your house!
50187 9 10 Lice 7465 Stanley Get off me!
50188 9 10 Lice 7465 Erin I'm trying to save you from yourself!
50189 9 10 Lice 7465 Stanley Alright, I'll stay! There's a pencil broken in my rolls.
50190 9 10 Lice 7466 Pam Maybe it was Meredith. Maybe she brought in lice that are totally different than the lice that i got from Cece. So let's not jump to the simplest conclusion that she got her lice from me. That is how wars get started. Fine, I'll tell her it was me.
50191 9 10 Lice 7467 Jim Oh man, that's fresh squeezed. And, uh are all the snacks complimentary?
50192 9 10 Lice 7467 Limo Driver Yeah, take some home if you want.
50193 9 10 Lice 7467 Jim Oh no, no, no. That's ok. Um I'm sorry, is this the conference center?
50194 9 10 Lice 7467 Limo Driver No, Mr. Irving called. Said he'd rather meet you at his private court.
50195 9 10 Lice 7467 Jim You gotta be kidding me.
50196 9 10 Lice 7468 Pam Hey, Meredith I need to tell you something.
50197 9 10 Lice 7468 Meredith Yes, Pam what do you want?
50198 9 10 Lice 7468 Pam Oh my God, Meredith what are you doing!?
50199 9 10 Lice 7468 Meredith Baking a cake, what does it look like I'm doing? Getting rid of the lice.
50200 9 10 Lice 7468 Pam Oh stop! I am so sorry!
50201 9 10 Lice 7468 Meredith Oh, can you hold that thought? That's my wax. You know, I think these critters migrated from down south. What were you saying?
50202 9 10 Lice 7468 Pam Nothing.
50203 9 10 Lice 7469 Pam I am going to tell her, but now is clearly not the time. I will buy her a wig, we'll have a few laughs. There's a right way to do this.
50204 9 10 Lice 7470 Dwight Scalp leeches, skull vampires, follicle gypsies, hair lawyers. One thing is clear, it's kill or be killed!
50205 9 10 Lice 7470 Erin No, no. It's more of a nuisance really. It's not that big a deal. So, I collected your hats and your coats...
50206 9 10 Lice 7470 Dwight To be burned!
50207 9 10 Lice 7470 Erin To be washed.
50208 9 10 Lice 7470 Angela What do we do about our heads?
50209 9 10 Lice 7470 Dwight I'm not gonna lie. Lye!
50210 9 10 Lice 7470 Erin No, all we need is mayonnaise.
50211 9 10 Lice 7470 Angela Excuse me?
50212 9 10 Lice 7470 Pam She's right, it works. I would imagine.
50213 9 10 Lice 7470 Erin Yes, it helps to suffrocate the little buddies and it's a really healthy alternative to the chemicals found in most lice shampoos.
50214 9 10 Lice 7470 Oscar I can appreciate that. I also only eat local, organic produce.
50215 9 10 Lice 7470 Meredith Shaboom! How do you like me now!?
50216 9 10 Lice 7470 Angela Oh.
50217 9 10 Lice 7470 Oscar Wow.
50218 9 10 Lice 7470 Meredith Take a picture. It will last longer.
50219 9 10 Lice 7470 Angela We don't want it to last longer. It's horrible.
50220 9 10 Lice 7470 Creed Bald people make me sick.
50221 9 10 Lice 7470 Meredith Yeah, yeah, everybody pile on Meredith. But I'm the only one with the balls to show them lice who's boss.
50222 9 10 Lice 7470 Erin Ok, nobody panic. If everybody just follows my instructions, then nobody else needs to end up bald. Not that it looks bad, Meredith. It looks...It looks awesome. You look like a baby who suddenly aged 50 years. A cute baby, but something sucked the life force out of it. I'm so sorry. We need mayonnaise! We need it now.
50223 9 10 Lice 7470 Pam Oh! Uh, uh I'll go.
50224 9 10 Lice 7470 Angela Okay. Oh, thank you.
50225 9 10 Lice 7470 Oscar You're a saint, Pam.
50226 9 10 Lice 7470 Pam No, no, it's not a big deal, please. No. Um, Meredith can I get you something special while I'm at the store, candy, or...or one of those stylish turbans?
50227 9 10 Lice 7470 Meredith Thanks Pam! I'll take a pack of Nicorette gum and a pack of Kools.
50228 9 10 Lice 7470 Pam Okay.
50229 9 10 Lice 7470 Dwight Let's talk pubes, people.
50230 9 10 Lice 7471 Val Hey, Darryl.
50231 9 10 Lice 7471 Darryl Oh, hey Val.
50232 9 10 Lice 7471 Nellie Oh, that was tragic, Oh, that was like a car crash. I couldn't look away. You two clearly still have feelings for each other.
50233 9 10 Lice 7471 Darryl Yeah.
50234 9 10 Lice 7471 Phyllis What's gonna make you feel better, big guy?
50235 9 10 Lice 7471 Darryl When I was a kid, my grandmother used to make me chocolate cake when I wasn't feeling good. She's not around to do that anymore. I'm sorry, I just need a moment to myself just to clear my head.
50236 9 10 Lice 7471 Nellie Aw, poor Darryl. I can't bear to see him suffer like this.
50237 9 10 Lice 7471 Kevin I think he needs some hugs, and maybe some chocolate cake.
50238 9 10 Lice 7471 Phyllis Mmm, this won't help him, it's a muffin, not cake.
50239 9 10 Lice 7471 Nellie Listen, let's try and get Darryl the one thing in the world he clearly wants and needs the most.
50240 9 10 Lice 7471 Kevin An Escalade.
50241 9 10 Lice 7471 Nellie Or what's her name.
50242 9 10 Lice 7471 Phyllis Val.
50243 9 10 Lice 7471 Nellie Let's get Darryl Val.
50244 9 10 Lice 7472 Julius I hope you don't mind me bringing you out here. I can't get my knees under a desk.
50245 9 10 Lice 7472 Jim Are you kidding me? I can literally scalp tickets to this.
50246 9 10 Lice 7472 Julius Well, do you think you can sink one from deep?
50247 9 10 Lice 7472 Jim Listen, I don't mean to intimidate you, but I did play a little high school ball.
50248 9 10 Lice 7472 Julius Okay. Wow, Halpert's got game.
50249 9 10 Lice 7472 Jim Alright. Oh, sorry. I'm so sorry. It's my wife, can I take this?
50250 9 10 Lice 7472 Julius It's your wife? You better take it.
50251 9 10 Lice 7472 Jim Right! Hey, what's up? Everything ok?
50252 9 10 Lice 7472 Pam Oh, no everything's great! Um, I was just calling to see how the meeting went.
50253 9 10 Lice 7472 Jim It's still happening right now actually, so uh...
50254 9 10 Lice 7472 Pam He's really making you work for it, huh?
50255 9 10 Lice 7472 Jim Yes, it is very stressful. You sure everything's okay?
50256 9 10 Lice 7472 Pam Great. I am killing it over here. Jim, I gotta go.
50257 9 10 Lice 7472 Jim Okay, bye. So sorry about that.
50258 9 10 Lice 7472 Julius No problem. Hey Jim, what size do you wear, man? I got a pair of japanese Nikes with your name on them. What do you think?
50259 9 10 Lice 7472 Jim I love it.
50260 9 10 Lice 7473 Erin Once it's all over your head, just leavr it there for four hours. That will be enough time for the lice to fall asleep, suffrocate, and then pass away.
50261 9 10 Lice 7473 Dwight Oh sure, and when you're ready to get serious, come to me to get it done right.
50262 9 10 Lice 7473 Stanley Put those away before you hurt yourself.
50263 9 10 Lice 7473 Dwight Oh God, oh no. No. No. No! No! No! No! No!
50264 9 10 Lice 7473 Erin Okay, it's easier with a buddy, so everybody pair up.
50265 9 10 Lice 7473 Angela Oscar, do you want to be my partner?
50266 9 10 Lice 7473 Oscar Yeah, yeah, sure. I'd love to..
50267 9 10 Lice 7473 Creed Hey, uh, mayo buddy, five dollar tip, you unclog my ears. Okay?
50268 9 10 Lice 7473 Erin Oh, Creed, I'm so sorry. I'm...I'm already partners with Pete, right Pete?
50269 9 10 Lice 7473 Pete Uh, yeah. We promised each other if we ever got lice, we'd buddy up. Sorry, man.
50270 9 10 Lice 7473 Pam Hey, Creed, wanna be my buddy?
50271 9 10 Lice 7473 Creed Oh God. Stuck with the weirdo.
50272 9 10 Lice 7474 Oscar Angela.
50273 9 10 Lice 7474 Angela You don't want bugs. You know? Who knows where those bugs will end up?
50274 9 10 Lice 7475 Meredith You're getting a bargain. I ain't got no hair no more.
50275 9 10 Lice 7476 Pam Creed, I'm all done. My turn.
50276 9 10 Lice 7476 Creed I'm sorry, Pam. It looks a little messy.
50277 9 10 Lice 7476 Pam Well, wait.
50278 9 10 Lice 7477 Pete How's that?
50279 9 10 Lice 7477 Erin I feel it working. Eiffel tower!
50280 9 10 Lice 7478 Val Can I help you?
50281 9 10 Lice 7478 Phyllis Well, we don't want to pry but we heard you broke up with Darryl.
50282 9 10 Lice 7478 Val Yeah, that's true.
50283 9 10 Lice 7478 Phyllis We think you made a big, big mistake.
50284 9 10 Lice 7478 Kevin Big mistake.
50285 9 10 Lice 7478 Nellie Quite enormous.
50286 9 10 Lice 7478 Phyllis He's a real catch and you should take him back.
50287 9 10 Lice 7478 Val Ok, thank you. Is that all?
50288 9 10 Lice 7478 Nellie No. No, that is not all. Let me tell you what real life is like. The men dry up, and the nights get lonely. The only calls on your machine are for collection agencies about that pair of motorcycle boots you never even wore. You stalk your old high school boyfriend online, go to his daughter's soccer games, and make a scene. You buy a diamond ring for yourself, wear it on your right hand, and tell yourself, you're all you need. One day, you're alone, tired. At your feet, a dying bird. But where did it come from? Why did you kill it? Is it because in some strange way it is you?
50289 9 10 Lice 7478 Val Thank you all for your concern, but I'm gonna have to ask you to leave, okay?
50290 9 10 Lice 7478 Kevin So does this mean you're gonna take Darryl back?
50291 9 10 Lice 7478 Val No.
50292 9 10 Lice 7478 Kevin Well, then, what do you say to you and me hitting the town? 'Cause I'm free, literally forever.
50293 9 10 Lice 7479 Val Yeah, Kevin asked me out. I was kinda feeling good about reentering the dating pool, but then Kevin asked me out. Thought I might trade up to a new level of man. Then Kevin asked me out.
50294 9 10 Lice 7480 Pam Hello?
50295 9 10 Lice 7480 Helene Hi, honey, it's mom. Look, Cece's school just called. She still has lice.
50296 9 10 Lice 7480 Pam What, no. That can't...I don't...
50297 9 10 Lice 7480 Helene Now, don't worry, don't worry. I'm on my way to pick her up, but you might have lice too. You know, lice can be tricky. Sometimes lice, like...
50298 9 10 Lice 7480 Angela Oh my God.
50299 9 10 Lice 7480 Meredith Shave her head. Shave her head!
50300 9 10 Lice 7481 Pam You guys, I am so sorry! It's just been so chaotic with Jim gone, that...
50301 9 10 Lice 7481 Meredith Yeah yeah, Princess Fancypants let Jane 12-pack over here take the fall.
50302 9 10 Lice 7481 Dwight She's right Pam.
50303 9 10 Lice 7481 Pam Is there a volume knob on that thing?
50304 9 10 Lice 7481 Dwight Yeah there's a volume knob on that thing.
50305 9 10 Lice 7481 Pam Meredith, I am so sorry.
50306 9 10 Lice 7481 Angela Well, a lot of good your sorrys are doing her now, Pam. She's a monster.
50307 9 10 Lice 7481 Pam I meant to say something earlier. I just...
50308 9 10 Lice 7481 Meredith Just? Just what? Just forgot?
50309 9 10 Lice 7482 Meredith Who's the one who didn't bring lice into the office? Meredith. Sure I gave everybody pink eye once, and my ex keyed a few of their cars, and yeah I BMed in the shredder on New Years. But I didn't bring the lice in. That was all Pam.
50310 9 10 Lice 7483 Dwight Attention, people of the office. You have exactly 60 secondes to evacutate the bull pen. At that time, I will be tossing this powerful insecticidal grenade, which contains piperonyl butoxide, as well as...
50311 9 10 Lice 7483 Erin Dwight, are you okay!?
50312 9 10 Lice 7483 Dwight Whoa. Hypertoxide has a mild hallucigenic effect, but I don't think it's kicked in yet. I'm gonna count down from ten. Nine, yellow, cold, sad, purple.
50313 9 10 Lice 7483 Erin Wow. He got to purple.
50314 9 10 Lice 7484 Oscar Ow!
50315 9 10 Lice 7484 Angela Sorry.
50316 9 10 Lice 7484 Oscar You're waterboarding me!
50317 9 10 Lice 7484 Angela Oops.
50318 9 10 Lice 7485 Kevin No, this is fine. We are allowed to do this. This is okay.
50319 9 10 Lice 7486 Erin You're up.
50320 9 10 Lice 7486 Pete Yeah, I'm kinda sad to see this baby go.
50321 9 10 Lice 7486 Erin You do kinda look like Elvis, but we should probably wash all the dead lice out.
50322 9 10 Lice 7486 Pete Okay.
50323 9 10 Lice 7486 Erin Okay. Okay. Is that too cold?
50324 9 10 Lice 7486 Pete No, it actually feels kinda nice.
50325 9 10 Lice 7487 Kevin I wonder what happened over there. I've been sitting here the whole time.
50326 9 10 Lice 7488 Val Okay.
50327 9 10 Lice 7488 Darryl Huh?
50328 9 10 Lice 7488 Val Let's give it a shot. Let's make it work.
50329 9 10 Lice 7488 Darryl Oh, no. I mean, I want to, I just...I don't want to force you into something you don't want to do.
50330 9 10 Lice 7488 Val You're not. I believe in us.
50331 9 10 Lice 7488 Darryl But...
50332 9 10 Lice 7489 Darryl I'm back together with Val. Yay...
50333 9 10 Lice 7490 Dwight I had a pretty good day today. Not everything went exactly according to plan, but lice if you are watching, I am ready for you anytime, anywhere.
50334 9 10 Lice 7491 Pete Hey, did Erin already take off?
50335 9 10 Lice 7491 Oscar I guess so.
50336 9 10 Lice 7491 Pete Okay.
50337 9 10 Lice 7492 Julius You're Kareem, coming to help.
50338 9 10 Lice 7492 Jim Okay, I'm Kareem. That makes total sense. I'm Kareem. You're Dr. J. Just sounds weird to say out loud.
50339 9 10 Lice 7492 Julius And it went like this.
50340 9 10 Lice 7492 Jim And that's all?
50341 9 10 Lice 7492 Julius That's it.
50342 9 10 Lice 7492 Jim No one will believe this back home, but that's okay. Let me show you how it's done.
50343 9 10 Lice 7492 Julius Yeah, you show me how.
50344 9 10 Lice 7493 Jim This is Jim Halpert, leave a message.
50345 9 10 Lice 7493 Pam Hey honey, it's me. Just trying to catch you before going home. Um, oh, well just give me a call whenever. Hope your day got better. Love you.
50346 9 10 Lice 7493 Meredith Hey, what you doing right now?
50347 9 10 Lice 7493 Pam I'm just gonna go home. My mom's been watching the kids all day.
50348 9 10 Lice 7493 Meredith Let her stay another hour. Let's go get a beer.
50349 9 10 Lice 7493 Pam Really? A beer sounds incredible right now.
50350 9 10 Lice 7493 Meredith No duh. Let's go. You're buying.
50351 9 10 Lice 7494 Pam Meredith, I am so sorry about today.
50352 9 10 Lice 7494 Meredith Forget about it.
50353 9 10 Lice 7494 Pam I just did not realize how hard it was gonna be without Jim. I mean, I really respect you for being a single mom all these years. It whipped my ass in half a week. I have to say, there are not a lot of people who could pull off a shaved head, but you are rocking it.
50354 9 10 Lice 7494 Meredith Right. I got the bartender's phone number when you were in the john. I'm gonna take that freak to bone town before the night is over.
50355 9 10 Lice 7494 Pam Get it, girl!
50356 9 10 Lice 7495 Pam This one's for all you ladies out there.
50357 9 10 Lice 7495 Meredith I come...
50358 9 10 Lice 7495 Pam Not yet.
50359 9 10 Lice 7495 Both I come home in the middle of the night. My mother says when you gonna live your life right? Oh Mother dear, we're not the fortunate ones. And girls, they want to have fun. Oh girls just want to have fun.
50360 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7496 New Instant Message Stone & Son Suit Warehouse contract expired with their paper provider! Go get it! â“David Wallace
50361 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7497 Dwight Stone and Son Suit Warehouse recently lost their paper provider. They're a family owned business . Jim and I used to clean up at those. We'd go in pretending to be family ⓠbrothers. We did it at a family owned law firm, at a family owned construction company, and a family owned motorcycle store. Jim and Dwight Shrupert. I was the dynamic, likeable winner that was doted upon by Mom. And Jim was the closeted foot fetishist pretending to belong. The client never knew any of that, but I knew.
50362 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7498 Dwight I hope you've been paying your wig storage bills Jimbo, because it's time for another episode of "Handsome and Stinky, paper brothers for hire".
50363 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7498 Jim Sorry, Stinky, can't do it. Too busy.
50364 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7498 Dwight Oh, god, this again? You're Stinky.
50365 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7498 Jim Okay. There's no possible way I can get there, so just ask Phyllis. She can be your older sister or something.
50366 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7498 Dwight Phyllis, my sister? More like my dead great great grandmother who died of stupidity.
50367 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7498 Phyllis I have ears, Dwight.
50368 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7498 Dwight Oh, do you really have ears, Phyllis? Like all human beings? We all have ears. See what you leave me with here, Jim?
50369 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7498 Jim Hey, I'm in Philadelphia right now.
50370 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7498 Dwight How is that my problem? Get in your car and drive down here. You can make it in 30 minutes if you drive 240 miles per hour.
50371 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7498 Jim Huh. How long would it take me if I drove 300 miles an hour?
50372 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7498 Dwight Mmm. That's a good... question. 300 times... 180... Um that comes to 25 minutes. Yes. Oh, well, thank you Jim. Yes, I am better than you. Thanks for acknowledging that. Okay, bye bye. Love you.
50373 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7499 Nellie Darryl, looking good!
50374 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7499 Darryl Heading to Philly. Interview with Jim's company.
50375 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7499 Pam Hey, good luck. When you get to Philly, will you tell Jim I miss him?
50376 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7499 Darryl Why don't you come along and tell him yourself?
50377 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7499 Pam Ha ha. That'd be great. Kind of like ditching school, except instead of getting suspended, you get... What do you get? Oh my god! Why didn't I think of this? Andy's not here. Oh, hey, Erin, um, I'm expecting a shipment of pens. Can you cover that?
50378 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7499 Erin Mhm. Cover that. What does that mean, exactly? What are we talking here? Details.
50379 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7499 Pam A delivery guy will deliver a box of pens, and you just make sure everything's in order.
50380 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7499 Erin What? Everything? What, how do I make sure it's in order? I haven't been trained for this.
50381 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7499 Pam Okay, see you later.
50382 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7500 Clark Hey guys.
50383 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7500 Phyllis Clark!
50384 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7500 Meredith Hey!
50385 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7500 Oscar Hey, look who's back, Dwight Junior.
50386 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7500 Kevin Hey, so how was it? I mean... the s*x with Jan.
50387 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7500 Clark A gentleman doesn't discuss such matters. Especially when the feelings of a lady are involved.
50388 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7501 Clark Women reach their sexual peak at whatever age Jan was last week. I mean it was... like making love with a wild animal. But not like a cougar like you might think. It was uh... like a swarm of bees. Bees that just find something wrong with every hotel room.
50389 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7502 Meredith Nothing wrong with being a gentleman. Like my mom used to say, "Talk classy, act nasty".
50390 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7502 Clark What's with the wig Meredith?
50391 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7502 Meredith What, is it on backwards?
50392 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7502 Clark Nope, you got it. You fixed it. Uh, I have a gift from Jan. It's an espresso maker! We came to be quite fond of espresso on the Amalfi Coast so... bon appetite.
50393 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7502 Phyllis Ooo! 16 types of espresso! Now that's Italian.
50394 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7502 Oscar My friend has one of these. Fool-proof espresso every time.
50395 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7502 Meredith Always with the friends Oscar. Can't we just enjoy the new espresso machine?
50396 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7502 Oscar Actually, it's pronounced "espresso"... Wait. That's what you said. I apologize, I just assumed you would mispronounce it. So...
50397 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7503 Dwight There he is! We are all so proud of you for the small part that you played in landing the white pages. Prouder of me, but...
50398 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7503 Clark If you really want to show appreciation, just give me half the commission.
50399 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7503 Dwight Gosh, you know, I wish I could but, uh... No. Hey, listen, remember how everyone used to call you Dwight Junior and how much you loved that?
50400 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7503 Clark I loved it.
50401 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7503 Dwight How would you like to pretend to by my son in order to land a sale?
50402 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7503 Clark If it'll lead to me being a salesman, I'll pretend to be your friend.
50403 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7503 Dwight Then looks like we have a deal... Son
50404 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7504 Erin Hi guys!
50405 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7504 Pete Hey, look who it is!
50406 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7504 Erin Sorry. Super-busy. Pens coming in later, just grabbing a Java before all hell breaks loose.
50407 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7504 Oscar Try this one.
50408 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7504 Erin Thank you!
50409 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7505 Erin I don't really have time to think about Pete right now. I just have a lot going on with this whole shipment of pens. And I have a lot of people trusting me, and I would feel super guilty if I broke anyone's trust. About the pens.
50410 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7506 Pam You ready for your interview?
50411 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7506 Darryl I was born ready! No, I suck at interviews. I had Andy's job in the bag until my interview.
50412 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7506 Pam Well, you shouldn't be nervous about this. This is a tiny start-up with a bunch of guys just as dorky as Jim.
50413 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7506 Darryl Yeah, I guess...
50414 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7506 Pam Really, you can't be scared of a room full of Jims. I love the guy, but he's basically Gumby with hair.
50415 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7507 Suit Store Father It's kind of funny, a father and son sales team meeting with a father and son suit store.
50416 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7507 Dwight You know, you're right! We hadn't even thought of that, had we boy?
50417 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7507 Clark No, we sure hadn't Pop.
50418 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7507 Dwight Oh! You're a hunter I see. Spend your early mornings out in the blinds, like Clarky and me. Huh?
50419 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7507 Clark He calls me Clarky â˜cause he's my Dad.
50420 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7507 Dwight Guilty!
50421 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7507 Suit Store Father You don't meet many hunters these days.
50422 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7507 Clark My dad is the best hunter there is. I mean, he's like a serial killer... of animals. One time, he snuck up behind a sleeping deer and just sawed its head right of. It was sick!
50423 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7507 Dwight It was his birthday, just turned three. So...
50424 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7507 Suit Store Father Ahh...
50425 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7508 Oscar You guys, I kind of think I want to try them all. Is that crazy?
50426 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7508 Nellie No. Look, without a taste test, how are we supposed to know which flavors we like to reorder?
50427 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7508 Kevin Taste test? I'm in!
50428 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7508 Oscar YOLO!
50429 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7508 Phyllis What?
50430 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7508 Oscar It's a thing. It means "you only live once".
50431 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7508 Kevin Yeah, we're aware of what it means Oscar, you just do not look cool saying it.
50432 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7508 Oscar Well...
50433 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7508 Kevin Alright everybody, who's in? Angela? Don't make us come over there.
50434 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7508 Angela No, I don't... no.
50435 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7508 Kevin Alright, let's go.
50436 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7508 Angela Can't I just agree without putting my hand in?
50437 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7508 Nellie Absolutely not!
50438 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7508 Kevin No way.
50439 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7508 Angela Oh, fine.
50440 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7508 Kevin Ok guys, "we all drink them all".
50441 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7508 Everyone We all drink them all!
50442 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7508 Kevin Yes!
50443 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7508 Oscar Yes!
50444 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7508 Nellie Whoo!
50445 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7508 Phyllis Hey, where's my ring?
50446 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7508 Creed I'm sure it'll turn up.
50447 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7509 Athlead Employee Yes ma'am, you want to go east on Franklin, take that all the way to Commonweath. You'll see us on the right side, you can't miss us.
50448 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7509 Dennis ...And I want to reach every demographic possible.
50449 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7509 Jim No, I hear what you're saying, and we will. The thing is, we gotta lock down this key demographic first. The rest will come, I promise. Just give me a couple weeks, alright?
50450 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7509 Dennis We're talking weeks here, not months, right?
50451 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7509 Jim Weeks. Always weeks. Man, the last time I talked months was like, a million weeks ago.
50452 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7509 Dennis Alright. Good.
50453 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7509 Jim Thanks Dennis, I appreciate it. Hey! How are you?
50454 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7509 Pam Good!
50455 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7509 Jim What are you doing here?
50456 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7509 Pam I just wanted to see you!
50457 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7509 Jim That's so great!
50458 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7509 Darryl Damn! Jim, you got a real Facebook energy going on here man. You Zuckerberged this place out!
50459 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7509 Jim It's pretty great, right? I mean, we're coming along... Hey, Wade, we gotta just push up Dennis's timeline
50460 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7509 Wade Okay
50461 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7509 Jim Actually, you know what? Give me one second, okay? Make yourselves at home.
50462 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7510 Dwight ...But I think that all of your concerns will be answered when you see the brochure that Clark's getting out of my car. He's a good boy, does whatever I say.
50463 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7510 Suit Store Father I can't relate to that, my son hates my guts.
50464 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7510 Dwight Oh... really.
50465 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7510 Suit Store Father Bring him into the business, and he resents me. How do you like that?
50466 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7510 Dwight Well, things between me and Clark are good, but not great. In fact, I will say that they're not even good. Really, they're bad. Like you and your son.
50467 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7510 Clark Here you go, Pop! I know it was just a couple minutes, but... God I missed you!
50468 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7510 Dwight What took you so long? Were you loitering out there like a hooligan, smoking a doobie?
50469 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7510 Clark I sure was. Just like he taught me, looking cool.
50470 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7510 Dwight You're being disrespectful!
50471 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7510 Clark ...And I love you, for saying that.
50472 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7510 Dwight We don't get along.
50473 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7510 Clark Ha ha! I just burned him. Because the truth is... our relationship is... terr-
50474 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7510 Dwight Terrible!
50475 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7510 Clark Terrible.
50476 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7510 Dwight Yes! Genius. Stupid, stupid genius!
50477 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7511 Pam Wow, this place is... so great. I had no idea ⓠon the phone, you made it sound kind of dinky.
50478 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7511 Jim Well, I mean, I don't even have the paycheck yet. It is a startup, so... These things go down all the time.
50479 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7511 Darryl If this company's going down, I wanna go down on it. With it. I wanna go down with it.
50480 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7511 Jim Are you cool to just hang out?
50481 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7511 Pam Sure, no problem.
50482 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7511 Jim Yeah? You ready?
50483 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7511 Darryl Yeah.
50484 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7511 Jim Let's do it!
50485 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7512 Erin The pen delivery went amazing, and now I've got all these pens just waiting to be unpacked. But Pam did not tell me to unpack the pens, and I'm not one of those people who's just like, "Uh, sure. I'll accept the pens when they come in, and then as soon as your back's turned, I unpack the pens and get all this credit as some great pen unpacker. On the other hand... they are just sitting here. Pam didn't tell me not to unpack them. Don't want to be a busybody, but I don't want to be a lazybones. Busybody, lazybones. Busybody, lazybones. Ahh! My brain is ping-ponging around in my head right now, it's insane! I'm sorry, what was your question again? Oh yeah, no. I've never had an espresso before. They're good though.
50486 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7513 Nellie A-bam! My favorite is Viennese Amaretto. And the worst flavor I've tried so far is Alpine Select!
50487 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7513 Kevin Yes!
50488 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7513 Angela Ugh!
50489 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7513 Kevin One!
50490 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7513 Angela Kevin! Kevin! Kevin!
50491 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7513 Kevin Two...
50492 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7513 Angela Stop it!
50493 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7513 Kevin Three...
50494 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7513 Oscar That's enough Kevin.
50495 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7513 Angela Stop it Kevin!
50496 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7513 Kevin Four!
50497 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7513 Oscar That's enough!
50498 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7513 Angela Kevin!
50499 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7514 Clark So for your menswear catalogue, I think we can offer you some very competitive pricing.
50500 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7514 Suit Store Father I heard that before...
50501 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7514 Clark Well, I understand, but â“
50502 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7514 Dwight I bet you have. He knows nothing about what people have heard before, my son.
50503 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7514 Clark Here we go again, another lecture from the old man.
50504 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7514 Suit Store Father Listen to him. He created you.
50505 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7514 Dwight Maybe if you listened a little bit, you'd improve. No wonder women despise you.
50506 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7514 Clark Women don't despise me...
50507 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7514 Dwight His last girlfriend was a transvestite. I knew it right away. Adam's apple like the prow of a ship, thumbs like a lowland gorilla. Ha, but this one couldn't see it, or didn't wanna see it.
50508 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7514 Clark Alright, that's enough, â˜cause I can say some things about him too.
50509 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7514 Dwight Yeah? Like what?
50510 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7514 Clark Like the time that you got drunk and, and then... Killed those kids on their way to prom!
50511 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7514 Dwight That never happened. He's always been a liar. Ever since he was a little kid. He got caught "saving treats" from the kitty litter box.
50512 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7514 Suit Store Father Really shameful...
50513 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7514 Clark So we can offer you matte or glossy printing-
50514 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7514 Dwight Glistening brown morsels tumbling from every pouch in his trousers.
50515 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7514 Clark There's obviously a volume discount uh, if you-
50516 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7514 Dwight Following the cat around on his knees with his hands cupped beneath its tail, going "please kitty, may I have some more?" You can't make this stuff up!
50517 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7514 Clark No, I think someone could make it up. Someone with very few friends.
50518 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7514 Suit Store Son Hey fellas, sorry to keep you waiting.
50519 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7514 Suit Store Father Here he is, my son.
50520 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7514 Dwight Got cat turd collector written all over him.
50521 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7514 Suit Store Son ...Did you say cat turd collector?
50522 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7515 Athlead Employee ...So definitely looking to expand our market, but for now we're just concentrating on athletes that are popular here in the northeast. Of course, that's not a mandate.
50523 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7515 Darryl "Mandate"- Always think of two men on a date. I have gay friends... I have one gay friend. Oscar?
50524 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7515 Jim Mm-hm
50525 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7515 Athlead Employee Alright, so what makes you think you'd be a good fit here?
50526 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7515 Darryl Ummm... Alright. Obviously y'all look really busy, and uh, I don't want to waste your time anymore. Sorry, I just uhh... Obviously I'm not qualified to be here man, I'm... I'm a warehouse manager, you know...
50527 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7515 Athlead Employee Darryl, I was a newspaper editor.
50528 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7515 Female Athlead Employee Science teacher, volleyball coach.
50529 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7515 3rd Athlead Employee I work at a home shopping network.
50530 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7515 4th Athlead Employee I'm a laywer. I'm the only one here who can honestly help.
50531 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7515 Jim And as you know, I was a paper salesman. Hey, I find it helps if you just picture everybody naked.
50532 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7515 Darryl Cool. Hey, thanks...
50533 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7515 Athlead Employee So how about we start over, hmm? Darryl, do you have any thoughts on the company?
50534 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7515 Darryl Yes, as a matter of fact, I uh... I wrote some down. There you go. Wow, this guy came prepared, it impresses me!
50535 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7516 Stanley Ah! So, this is what 2:00 P.M. looks like around here!
50536 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7517 Stanley I usually take a siesta about now.
50537 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7518 Pete Stocking pens, huh? You're like the new office administrator.
50538 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7518 Erin No, I just took over the pen shipment because Pam had to leave. When I say it out loud, I know that sounds insane, but it's the truth, I swear.
50539 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7518 Kevin Pam! Pam, look out! Erin's gunning for your job!
50540 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7518 Erin No, I'm not! It's not like that at all! Forget it, I'm so sorry.
50541 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7518 Kevin Pam, look out!
50542 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7518 Erin Pens, you did not buy into this. I am sorry, what a day you've had.
50543 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7519 Athlead Employee By the way, Jim talks about you all the time.
50544 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7519 Pam That's sweet that he talks about me.
50545 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7519 Athlead Employee It's too bad he still hast to work part time in Scranton though...
50546 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7519 Pam Well, that's funny because I think of him as working part time in Philadelphia.
50547 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7519 Athlead Employee We can't wait until you move here.
50548 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7520 Suit Store Son I'm sorry, you guys are here to sell us paper?
50549 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7520 Dwight Do you mind? The men are talking.
50550 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7520 Suit Store Father Sons used to idolize their fathers.
50551 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7520 Dwight Us old timers need to stick together. And how better than by signing a contract?
50552 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7520 Suit Store Father I'd love to! Sam Junior here, he runs the business now. Kind of pushed me out, truth be told. I'm just here for human contract.
50553 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7520 Suit Store Son Okay Pop...
50554 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7520 Dwight Wait, so you're the boss?
50555 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7520 Suit Store Son That's right.
50556 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7520 Clark Hi, I'm Clark.
50557 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7520 Suit Store Son Hey.
50558 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7520 Clark Let's talk.
50559 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7520 Suit Store Son Okay.
50560 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7520 Clark So if you look at our catalog here...
50561 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7521 Athlead Employee Well, thanks for coming down Darryl.
50562 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7521 Female Athlead Employee It was nice meeting you Darryl, I think you'd fit in great here.
50563 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7521 Darryl Yeah, yeah me too. I think it'd be like... You know what? I think it'd be like a Kevin Durant jump shot... Perfecto! Oh my god...
50564 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7522 Pam They're the ones who put a fish tank next to a basketball hoop. It's like if I put a glass of milk on the edge of the table and Cece knocks it over, I don't blame Cece.
50565 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7522 Darryl So I'm like a three year old girl in this scenario...
50566 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7522 Pam Say they don't hire you. It's not like you're out on the street. You have a great job with people who love you.
50567 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7522 Darryl And I'd only get to see Jada on the weekends. You know, I'm... I'm not so sure I'd like living in Philadelphia.
50568 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7522 Pam Right? Thank you! It's just Philly. Everyone's acting like it's New York or Paris or London.
50569 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7522 Darryl Who needs it?
50570 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7522 Pam Not us.
50571 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7522 Jim Okay, so the consensus was that that was unique. They're going to make you pay for the fish, and... they wanted to know when you can start.
50572 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7522 Darryl What? How about yesterday?
50573 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7522 Pam Congratulations.
50574 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7522 Darryl Oh, thank you.
50575 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7522 Pam I guess you gotta move to Philly after all.
50576 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7522 Darryl Yes, I love Philly! Two-One-Five or die!
50577 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7523 Pam No, I'm not upset. I'm really excited for Darryl... Maybe I'm a little disappointed that we'll be losing him.
50578 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7524 Kevin It feels really hot in here. Is it hot in here? It feels really really hot in here.
50579 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7524 Oscar It's insane! They need to have the A.C. on year round! January too!
50580 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7524 Angela I don't get the point of this stupid window!
50581 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7525 Clark I mean, look, you and I both know that in paper or fashion, styles change. Check out my dad's suit. You are looking at pure acrylic. That's why his face always breaks out.
50582 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7525 Suit Store Son Does that suit come with a fire extinguisher?
50583 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7525 Clark You know what Dad? Maybe you should buy me a suit. I mean, I'm going to need one right? If I'm ever going to get a "real job" and move my "lazy ass" out of your "G.D. house".
50584 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7525 Suit Store Son He's got you there...
50585 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7526 Suit Store Son That's Italian silk. Very comfortable. Very tasteful... Although expensive.
50586 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7526 Dwight Yeah, you don't want Italian. You'll look like a mafia don. Next thing you know, you'll be doing life in Rikers Island.
50587 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7526 Clark Well, that's better than looking like the undertaker from boring island.
50588 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7526 Dwight That place doesn't exist. It's not a documented island. Ha ha, cartograph much?
50589 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7526 Clark How do I look?
50590 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7526 Dwight Actually... You look great. They steered you right. I guess it does make sense buying from a father son team. You know what? I'll take one too.
50591 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7527 Oscar Everyone! Now that we have all this energy, why don't we move the copier into the annex like we've always wanted to?
50592 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7527 Nellie Whoo!
50593 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7527 Meredith Frickin' A!
50594 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7527 Oscar Huh?
50595 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7527 Kevin So long, noise!
50596 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7527 Oscar One, two, three!
50597 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7527 Nellie And we have torn up the carpet! Oh, we're going to be in so much trouble!
50598 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7527 Oscar Wait! It's beautiful. Hardwood! I always knew it was down here, I just never dreamed that I would actually see it.
50599 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7527 Meredith Tear up the carpet!
50600 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7527 Nellie Whoo!
50601 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7528 Darryl Kill their fish, and they still hire me. That's how you do that, baby. It's all good, I'm ready. Y'all ready for this?
50602 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7528 Pam Everybody dance now...
50603 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7529 Oscar Kevin, move. I can't pull up the rug if you're standing on it with your rhinoceros feet.
50604 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7529 Kevin Well I can't stand here if you pull the carpet out from under me.
50605 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7529 Angela Oh, my head is killing me. Does anyone have a baby asprin?
50606 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7529 Nellie Oh, enough with the whining already! Why don't you just have some more coffee?
50607 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7529 Stanley It's all gone. I didn't get a chance to try them all because Creed poured my Bogota Sunrise in the plant.
50608 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7529 Creed I saw the leaves twitch!
50609 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7529 Angela Shut up!
50610 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7529 Creed You shut up!
50611 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7529 Oscar Everybody shut up and work!
50612 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7529 Phyllis We don't work for you!
50613 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7529 Kevin Yeah!
50614 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7529 Angela Yeah!
50615 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7529 Stanley Hey, it's five o'clock.
50616 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7529 Oscar Kevin, can-
50617 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7529 Angela What's going on?
50618 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7530 Dwight Yes! We did it!
50619 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7530 Clark You opened the door-
50620 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7530 Dwight And you closed it. The boys are back in town. High fives! Ha ha!
50621 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7530 Clark Hey, so all that really specific cat turd business, that was about you, right?
50622 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7530 Dwight You got me! I used to collect them!
50623 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7530 Clark Why?
50624 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7530 Dwight Each one is very different, like a snowflake.
50625 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7531 Pam Hey... What happened here?
50626 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7531 Erin You left me in charge of the pens, Pam. That's what happened. The pens happened.
50627 9 11 Suit Warehouse 7531 Pam ...Are the pens here?
50628 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7532 Dwight Gotta clear out these file cabinets people, a lot of these are dead accounts. "Scranton Mimeograph Corp?" I don't think we're doing business with them any time soon. That's odd.  A letter from Robert Dunder. "A valuable artifact has come into my possession. I have hidden it until such time as a person of strong intellect may safely recover it. This golden chalice is of immeasurable historical and religious significance." The Holy Grail.
50629 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7533 Pam : Did you send Dwight on a quest for the Holy Grail?
50630 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7533 Jim I think I'm a little too busy these days to s--- Oh ,my God. I did send Dwight on a quest for the Holy Grail.
50631 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7534 Jim The Dunder Code! I completely forgot about that prank. That had to be like six or seven years ago. Stayed late every night for a month. Had a lot more free time back then.
50632 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7535 Kevin I don't get it.
50633 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7535 Dwight Aha! A lightbulb.
50634 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7535 Kevin A lightbul--
50635 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7535 Dwight A lightbulb. Okay. Okay. Invisible ink.
50636 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7535 Kevin Whoa.
50637 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7535 Dwight "Higher than numbers go." The ceiling above accounting!
50638 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7535 Angela Dwight! Down, Dwight! Dwight!
50639 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7535 Jim : Man, I wish I was there to see his face when he gets to the end ...
50640 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7536 Jim ...and finds the... fake grail? No grail?
50641 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7537 Pam You don't remember?
50642 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7538 Jim I don't.
50643 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7539 Dwight An "X."
50644 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7539 Oscar Annex. It must open something in the annex.
50645 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7540 Dwight Oh.
50646 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7540 Kevin Whoa.
50647 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7540 Dwight "Sedes introiti." Seat of entrance.
50648 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7541 Pete What?
50649 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7541 Oscar What?
50650 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7541 Kevin That's a flush.
50651 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7542 All The warehouse.
50652 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7543 Pam There's nothing down here.
50653 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7544 Jim Oh, I expected more from young Halpert.
50654 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7545 Dwight Let's just forget it. Forget it.
50655 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7546 Nellie So, how are we getting on with our grand social media initiative?
50656 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7546 Erin Well, we created a fake profile for a really cool guy named Derek McBlack.
50657 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7546 Nellie Wow.
50658 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7546 Erin It's just Pete in sunglasses.
50659 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7546 Nellie Oh.
50660 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7546 Erin And then we had him "Like" Dunder Mifflin.
50661 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7546 Pete Then we created a bunch of fake friends for Derek, and we had all of them "Like" Derek's "Likes."
50662 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7546 Erin So far, we're only popular with imaginary people, but we think this is the start of something big.
50663 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7546 Nellie You two are geniuses. And I am a genius putting you two together.
50664 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7546 Erin All right.
50665 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7547 Erin Pete and I work well together -- not that there's anything special about Pete. It could be any guy... or girl-- not that I'm into girls. Not that I'm into Pete. Ugh! What was the question?
50666 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7548 Jim Hey.
50667 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7548 Co-worker Hey Jim. Peter Rowley at Bridgeport Capital requested a meeting at lunch.
50668 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7548 Jim Okay. Can we keep it on the early side, though? I got that thing in Scranton later.
50669 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7548 Co-worker #2 Uh sure. No problem.
50670 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7549 Jim Cece's ballet recital is today. I cannot wait. I've been working with her on her move. It's called the Cece Spin and Kiss. Do you want to see it? It's kind of like this. It's pretty cute, right?
50671 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7550 Dwight Pfft, "Athlead"? Please. They're too lazy to call it Athletes Lead? Jim should just call it "Stumpany," for "Stupid Company."
50672 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7550 Darryl Nothing stupid about working for yourself. Hanging out with pro athletes, getting free tickets to the games. That's why I'm doing it.
50673 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7550 Dwight You're working for "Stumpany" too?
50674 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7550 Darryl Yeah, just weekends for now, but pretty soon, I'm switching over.
50675 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7550 Dwight What?
50676 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7550 Darryl Yep.
50677 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7551 Dwight Hey, Halpert, what's the big idea? First you jump ship. Now you're stealing Darryl too. When will it end?
50678 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7551 Jim Well, take your worst fear and multiply it by infinity.
50679 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7551 Dwight You won't stop until you've poached us all.
50680 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7551 Jim Yeah. Even you.
50681 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7551 Dwight No. I'll be damned if I'm gonna let us lose me.
50682 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7551 Jim Bye, Dwight.
50683 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7552 Jim Hi. How are ya? Good to see you.
50684 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7553 Pam Hey, Angela? Did you hear about the Irish-American Cultural Center mural?
50685 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7553 Kevin Ooh, I haven't heard it. So, what about the Irish-American Cultural Center mural? Potato?
50686 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7553 Pam Oh, no, Kevin, it's not a joke. Angela's husband put me up for a-- um, just never mind.
50687 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7553 Angela I have no information. But I'm sure as soon as they know, they'll call you.
50688 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7554 Pam Senator Lipton helped me submit my design for a new mural on a building downtown. Now I'm just waiting to hear from the selection committee. But, you know, let's be realistic. There are a ton of great artists in Scranton with way more experience. I mean, who are they gonna go with -- some nobody like me or a big name like Tracy Fleeb?
50689 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7555 Pam Well, I'm heading out to Cece's dance recital.
50690 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7555 Oscar Aw.
50691 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7556 Pam Hey, Cece, Daddy's gonna have dinner with us tonight after he comes to your recital. Are you excited?
50692 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7556 Cece Yeah.
50693 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7556 Pam Let's call him.
50694 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7556 Jim Hey. I was just about to call you.
50695 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7556 Pam Hey, Hon, are you close?
50696 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7556 Jim I am still in Philly, actually.
50697 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7556 Pam What?
50698 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7556 Jim It's insane. This huge investor got cold feet, so I'm stuck here trying to keep him on board.
50699 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7556 Pam Hon, I wish you would have told me an hour ago, when you knew you weren't gonna make it.
50700 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7556 Jim Pam, I couldn't get out. I barely made it out just to make this phone call.
50701 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7556 Cece I want Daddy.
50702 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7556 Jim You're gonna do great. And you know what? Mommy's gonna record it. So we'll watch it together. Do you mind doing that, Pam?
50703 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7556 Pam Of course.
50704 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7556 Jim Okay. Are you sure you know how to do video on the phone?
50705 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7556 Pam Yes, Jim, I think I know how to point a rectangle at something.
50706 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7556 Jim Okay, okay, you know, just sometimes you're not the best with the phone.
50707 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7556 Pam I know how to operate my phone, okay? Listen, we're getting close. We will talk to you later. Say, "Bye, Daddy."
50708 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7556 Cece Bye, Daddy.
50709 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7556 Jim Bye.  Yep. See, you've still got to press "End," Pam.
50710 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7556 Cece Press "End."
50711 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7557 Pete Oh, check it out. This is our first real "Like."
50712 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7557 Erin Oh, my gosh!
50713 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7557 Pete Oh! All right, Alan Olson from North Dakota. He also likes Hammermill and Georgia Pacific.
50714 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7557 Erin Wow. That guy's really into paper.
50715 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7557 Pete Yeah.
50716 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7557 Nellie Well done, you two.
50717 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7557 Erin We did it. Youth task force forever.
50718 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7557 Pete Yes.
50719 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7557 Pete Bap, bup, bup, bap. Wait. Did I go first and then you?
50720 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7557 Erin No, you go -- okay.
50721 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7557 Pete All right, all right.Okay, start over.
50722 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7558 Nellie Oh, no, no, no, no. Oh God. Andy has just started to be nice to me, I just sent his girlfriend into the arms of a younger man.  "Our social media presence should be hot, hot, hot. Go at it vigorously." I did everything but unzip their pants for them. Oh, God, Nellie.
50723 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7559 Dwight Hey, everybody. Uh, coffee order is going around -- on me. Just sign your name below.
50724 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7559 Dwight You're welcome.
50725 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7559 Phyllis Wait. This says "Dunder Mifflin Loyalty Pledge"?
50726 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7559 Dwight This -- uh, what? Double mocha latte, please? You got it. Just sign your name below. Whatever you want.
50727 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7559 Oscar "Loyalty pledge"?
50728 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7559 Darryl Come on, Dwight, stop overreacting. I'm getting all my work done here. No customers have complained. Nobody even knows.
50729 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7559 Dwight Yeah, we'll see about that.
50730 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7560 Dwight Bust out your complaint files. I need everything you've got on Darryl since he started working for Jim in the last few weeks. Break it down by keyword, okay? "Infuriating, irresponsible"...
50731 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7560 Clark They got us set up with Windows 95,  so you're kind of dreaming here.
50732 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7560 Dwight Okay, I'm gonna need you to print it out.
50733 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7561 Dwight Customer Loyalty. What is it? Can you hold it in your hand? Can you nudge it with your finger? Can you dump it on a woman? No. Why? Because it's an idea. But what does it mean?
50734 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7561 Kevin Ooh, it's when you get a free sandwich after you've already eaten ten sandwiches.
50735 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7561 Dwight Not even close. Mr. Romanko has been a client for 20 years. He came in today in a rage. Why? Because of Darryl. Because Darryl was focusing on outside projects and needs to remember his first priority-- the client.
50736 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7561 Mr. Romanko I wouldn't say a rage.
50737 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7561 Darryl Mr. Romanko, we were a day late on one of your deliveries, but two of our trucks were down for repairs. It's very unlikely it would happen again.
50738 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7561 Mr. Romanko Thank you. Thank you.
50739 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7561 Dwight No, you're not going anywhere, okay? You are angry, and we are gonna hear you out, all right? Because business is about relationships, and the key to relationships is what, Darryl?  L--
50740 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7561 Darryl Loyalty.
50741 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7561 Dwight Loyalty.
50742 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7561 Nellie Loyalty is exactly right.
50743 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7561 Dwight Thank you.
50744 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7561 Nellie Yes. I mean, it is everything. Let's all ask ourselves, have we been faithful in our relationships?
50745 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7561 Stanley That's none of your damn business.
50746 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7561 Nellie Darryl is "dating" Dunder Mifflin.
50747 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7561 Darryl Darryl is dating Val... still.
50748 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7561 Nellie But he's flirting with Jim's company on the side. And we all know what flirting can lead to.
50749 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7561 Mr. Romanko I'm sorry. Do I still need to be here?
50750 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7561 Dwight Yes.
50751 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7561 Nellie I'm having a bit of trouble understanding the importance of loyalty. So let's-- let's use an example. Take Erin. Erin's boyfriend Andy, is away across the ocean.
50752 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7561 Dwight Yeah.
50753 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7561 Nellie So is it all right for her to flirt with Creed, for example?
50754 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7561 Creed Let's try it out.
50755 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7561 Nellie No, let's-- let's-- let's not say Creed. Let's say Mr. X.
50756 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7561 Angela Well, I think it would be immoral for Erin to cheat on Andy.
50757 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7561 Erin Oh, I'm sorry. Didn't you cheat on Andy?
50758 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7561 Angela Yes. And he didn't like it.
50759 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7561 Phyllis Does Mr. X know that Erin has a boyfriend, or did Erin keep that from Mr. X?
50760 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7561 Kevin Okay, this is really hard to follow. Can we just say Pete because that's the guy that Erin's flirting with?
50761 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7562 Dance Teacher Ladies and gentlemen, the Little Ladybug Ballerinas.
50762 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7562 Ballerinas One, two, three.
50763 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7562 Parent in Audience Really?
50764 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7562 Pam Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry.
50765 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7562 Ballerinas One, two, three.
50766 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7562 Pam Hello? Yes, this is Pam Halpert. I got the mural? Oh, my God!
50767 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7562 Audience Shh!
50768 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7562 Pam Um, I'm sorry. I have to go. My daughter's a ladybug. I know that doesn't make any sense. Um, thank you, thank you.
50769 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7562 Parent in audience #2 You're very rude.
50770 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7562 Parent in audience #1 Yes, very rude.
50771 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7562 Pam Shh! Kids are dancing.
50772 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7563 Dwight Thank you so much for coming. Darryl and I will be here to serve you for years and years and years and years. So, should we go call Jim and tell him to go screw himself?
50773 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7563 Darryl Dwight, look, I'm sorry you're having a hard time with this, okay? Athlead is my future. No disrespect to Dunder Mifflin, but if I can have fun at work, I want that.
50774 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7563 Dwight It can't be more fun than selling paper and paper products.
50775 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7563 Darryl It can.
50776 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7563 Dwight Are you pretending to be crazy, huh?
50777 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7564 Phyllis Well, Andy's cute, but he's too vanilla, whereas Pete - he's just one sick dude. I mean, you know this guy likes to get weird.
50778 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7564 Erin I'm just gonna say this one more time. Pete and I haven't done anything.
50779 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7565 Meredith Yeah right. With slammin' bods like that, they ain't playing checkers.
50780 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7565 Oscar People, it's 2013. Erin is a strong, independent woman. Who says she has to end up with any man?
50781 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7565 Erin Okay, can everyone please stop speaking for me? Andy is my boyfriend. Pete and I are just friends. And that's the end of it. Right, Pete?
50782 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7565 Pete That is correct. Come on, guys, where is this even coming from?
50783 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7565 Kevin Your feelings for Erin? Probably your heart... and a little bit your pen1s.
50784 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7565 Erin Nellie, you have to shut down the task force. I'm not sure if you need to start a new task force to do that, but please just shut down the task force.
50785 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7565 Nellie I suppose that will-- that will be all right, yeah.
50786 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7566 Nellie Most relationships eventually die on their own, but sometimes they just need a little pillow over the face. You're welcome, Andy. And you're welcome, my own ass.
50787 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7567 Investor Listen, I appreciate you taking the time with me.
50788 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7567 Co-worker Peter, please. We completely understand your concerns here. Let us just show you the latest projections. Jim?
50789 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7567 Jim Uh, Wade actually has those on the road, but he's gonna be calling in with those numbers any second. So just hold on one s--
50790 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7567 Jim Oh, actually... uh, nope. That is my wife. Again, he'll be calling in any second.
50791 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7568 Pam Hey, uh, give me a call back when you get a chance. Cece did great, and I want to tell you something.
50792 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7569 Lonnie Hey boss, you gotta jump on a delivery.
50793 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7569 Darryl I don't do that anymore.
50794 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7569 Lonnie That's what they told me.
50795 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7570 Darryl All right, let's get this over with.
50796 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7570 Dwight You looking for fun? It just found you! Woo! Here we go! Yeah!
50797 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7571 Dwight Yes, we will be delivering a shipment of paper today, but I will also be delivering you a big shipment of fun!
50798 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7571 Darryl How far is this place?
50799 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7571 Dwight Uh, not far at all, but I thought along the way, we could play some sports.
50800 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7571 Darryl Fun.
50801 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7572 Toby Hey, really nice job in that meeting in there.
50802 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7572 Nellie Oh, thank you. I don't know, I sort of thought--
50803 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7572 Toby So proud of you, Hon.
50804 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7572 Nellie Oh, I don't know. Okay.
50805 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7572 Toby I'm just curious though, what do you have against Pete and Erin?
50806 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7572 Nellie Well, Andy wrote me a really nice recommendation letter for the adoption agency, and I-- I just sort of felt I owed him one.
50807 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7572 Toby Pete's a pretty cool guy, though, and Andy was a terrible lover to Erin. He basically ignored her and left on a boat.
50808 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7572 Nellie I didn't really think about it like that.
50809 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7572 Toby Yeah, well... Not everybody has what we have.
50810 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7572 Nellie "What we have"?
50811 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7572 Toby Mm-hmm.
50812 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7573 Nellie I just remembered... I kissed that man. Oh, no. Oh, no.
50813 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7574 Dwight Yes. Fast food. I'll take a burger over a gross Philly cheese-steak any day.
50814 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7574 Darryl They have fast food in Philly.
50815 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7574 Dwight Not like this.
50816 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7574 Darryl Exactly like this.
50817 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7574 Fast Food Worker And your milkshake.
50818 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7574 Dwight Thank you.
50819 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7574 Darryl It's 30 degrees out. You drinkin' a mildshake?
50820 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7574 Dwight Nope. Fire in the hole! Oh, yeah! Now that's what working at a paper company's all about!
50821 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7574 Dwight Wait, what you doing? No, I need the k-- We have to go.
50822 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7574 Darryl You just threw a milkshake in a restaurant where they make minimum wage.
50823 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7574 Dwight It's a youtube thing! Let's go. Let's go. Come on, they're coming.
50824 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7575 Pam Anyone want to see the video from Cece's recital?
50825 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7575 Angela Oh, I would love to, but I am swamped... with that .
50826 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7575 Oscar I'll watch it. Let's get this over with.
50827 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7575 Pam All right, you don't have to.
50828 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7575 Kevin Let's get this over with, Pam.
50829 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7575 Pam Okay.
50830 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7575 Oscar Oh.
50831 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7575 Pam Wait. What?
50832 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7575 Pam Excuse me, I have to get back to work.
50833 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7575 Pam Oh, no. I took a phone call in the middle of taping, and then when I went to turn it back on, I must have turned it off.
50834 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7575 Oscar User error. I've heard of that happening to other people.
50835 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7575 Angela Oscar, don't rub it in. I'm sure Pam is already kicking herself for choosing a phone call over her child.
50836 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7575 Pam Well, it was an important phone call.
50837 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7576 Pam I haven't told anyone here about the mural yet. I want Jim to be the first to know. Whenever I tell him good news, he's always like, "Beesly!" I love that. Only thing better than getting the job-- "Beesly!"
50838 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7577 Pete Hey.
50839 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7577 Erin Hello, Peter.
50840 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7578 Dwight It barely even feels like a prank anymore.
50841 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7578 Darryl You missed a spot.
50842 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7578 Drive Thru Customer Fire in the hole! Go! Go! Go! Go!
50843 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7578 Dwight Ha ha! Yeah, joke's on you buddy! They make you come back and clean it up!
50844 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7579 Nellie I am sorry that was so awkward for you two in that meeting. But I am going to have to reassemble the youth task force.
50845 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7579 Erin Oh, no, I really don't think that's a good idea.
50846 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7579 Nellie Well, that is not your call. I made the decision. You have no choice in the matter, and everybody knows it.
50847 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7579 Pete Well, okay, then.
50848 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7579 Erin I guess we don't have a choice.
50849 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7579 Nellie Nope.
50850 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7579 Pete yeah.
50851 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7579 Erin Yeah.
50852 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7579 Toby Lady...you never stop surprising me.
50853 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7580 Dwight What? What was that? Did I just hear you laughing with glee?
50854 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7580 Darryl No. I was clearing my throat.
50855 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Meredith Good night.
50856 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Pam Night
50857 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Creed Night
50858 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Pam Night, Creed.
50859 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Pam Hey.
50860 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Jim Hey.
50861 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Pam So, how's it going?
50862 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Jim We lost Bridgeport Capital. I have no idea what happened. It's like everything I did, he just wouldn't go for it.
50863 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Pam I'm so sorry.
50864 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Jim I have no idea where we're gonna come up with this money, and we have to work insanely hard over the next few weeks.
50865 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Pam Oh, I'm sorry. I feel like you've already been working insanely hard.
50866 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Jim Can you figure out how to upload Cece's dance recital? I definitely could use a pick-me-up.
50867 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Pam Um, actually, funny story -- I didn't get it. I shouldn't have been so cocky about my rectangle-holding skills after all.
50868 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Jim You're not serious, are you? You didn't get any of the recital?
50869 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Pam No, I got the teacher introducing them and then the applause afterwards. But not so much of the middle part.
50870 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Jim Come on, Pam. Pam, I asked you if you could use the phone, and you swore that you knew how.
50871 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Pam Yeah, okay, I'm sorry. I'm sure we can get a copy. A lot of people were taping it.
50872 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Jim Oh, great. So we'll see somebody else's kid with Cece in the background? I mean, it's really not that hard to film a video.
50873 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Pam Is there-- um... you want to ease up a little bit?
50874 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Jim Look, Pam, I don't know what to tell you. I mean, what do I do? It's gone. That moment's just gone. I missed it.
50875 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Pam I don't know, Jim -- maybe you should have been there.
50876 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Jim You're not serious, right? I mean, how is that fair? I'm in Philly. These are my days in Philly. You've agreed to this.
50877 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Pam You know what? I-- I-- I don't think you want to start a conversation with me about what's fair. Okay? This is way more intense than I ever --
50878 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Jim Pam, I'm not explaining this to you-- Pam, I'm not going over this again.
50879 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Co-worker Jim. We need you.
50880 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Jim I don't know how else to tell you, okay? I'm doing everything I can every week to bring home something...
50881 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Pam I am-- I am-- I am trying to make everything perfect here, okay? So that you can have everything that you want.
50882 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Jim I'm doing this just for me? Is that what I'm doing? I'm doing it just for me. If that's what you think, then this is a really sad night. But you know what? I got to go. Okay?
50883 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Pam Yep.
50884 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Jim We'll talk tomorrow?
50885 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Pam Yep. I'll talk to you tomorrow.
50886 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Jim Okay. I'll talk to you tomorrow.
50887 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Pam Bye.
50888 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Brian Hey, you okay?
50889 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Pam What am I doing wrong, Brian?
50890 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Brian Nothing. You're doing the best you can.
50891 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Cameraman Brian.
50892 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Brian Give her a minute. Give her a minute.
50893 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Brian Hey, it's just a tough situation, all right?
50894 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Pam It's getting tougher. I just didn't know that it was gonna be this hard.
50895 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Brian Yeah. Let's turn the cameras off. Seriously, guys. Enough. Enough.
50896 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7581 Pam Thank you.
50897 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7582 Guy Fire in the hole! Go! Go! Go! Go!
50898 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7582 Guy I nailed that guy, dude. Oh yeah.
50899 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7582 Darryl And replay.
50900 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7582 Guy Fire in the hole! Go! Go! Go! Go! I nailed that guy, dude. Oh, yeah.
50901 9 12 Customer Loyalty 7582 Darryl I'm gonna miss the paper business.
50902 9 13 Junior Salesman 7583 Pam Hey Brian, you got a sec?
50903 9 13 Junior Salesman 7583 Brian Yeah, hold on a sec.
50904 9 13 Junior Salesman 7583 Pam I feel awful.
50905 9 13 Junior Salesman 7583 Brian It's fine. It was my first slip up in nine years of miking you.
50906 9 13 Junior Salesman 7583 Erin Dunder Mifflin, this is Erin.
50907 9 13 Junior Salesman 7583 Pam Well, thanks for being a good friend.
50908 9 13 Junior Salesman 7583 Brian Sure, anytime. Uh, how about you and Jim? Everything squared away?
50909 9 13 Junior Salesman 7583 Pam Yeah, mostly.
50910 9 13 Junior Salesman 7583 Erin Pam, phone call.
50911 9 13 Junior Salesman 7583 Pam Um, hey, say Hi to Alyssa.
50912 9 13 Junior Salesman 7583 Brian Will do.
50913 9 13 Junior Salesman 7583 Pam Okay. Thank you.
50914 9 13 Junior Salesman 7583 Brian Sure.
50915 9 13 Junior Salesman 7583 Meredith Hey, boom guy.
50916 9 13 Junior Salesman 7583 Brian Oh, hey Meredith.
50917 9 13 Junior Salesman 7583 Meredith When are you gonna boom me?
50918 9 13 Junior Salesman 7583 Brian Uh, listen, they're cracking down on us talking to the subjects. It's a lame rule, but, you know, I wanna... I, I'll see you later.
50919 9 13 Junior Salesman 7583 Meredith Got it.
50920 9 13 Junior Salesman 7584 Clark Hey, so I hear you're bringing in some people to interview for the sales job?
50921 9 13 Junior Salesman 7584 Dwight That's right, a couple of old friends. Ballers only. Must be this cool to ride.
50922 9 13 Junior Salesman 7584 Clark Well, uh... see, you raised it.
50923 9 13 Junior Salesman 7584 Dwight Oh, did I? Oh, yes, I did.
50924 9 13 Junior Salesman 7585 Dwight Wallace is letting me hire a junior sales associate to sit at Jim's desk while he's away in Philly. Finally I'll have someone at my desk clump who gets me. It's like, "Really, Jim? You don't understand the difference between a slaughterhouse and a rendering plant? Uh, remind me not to lend you any dead cows or horses." Wow.
50925 9 13 Junior Salesman 7586 Clark You know what, man? I deserve this job.
50926 9 13 Junior Salesman 7586 Dwight Mm-hmm.
50927 9 13 Junior Salesman 7586 Clark I scored Stone and Son Suit Warehouse with you, and God knows, to get the Scranton White Pages with Jan, I went above and beyond... and under.
50928 9 13 Junior Salesman 7586 Dwight You know what? You're gonna get your interview, okay? I know that you're going head-to-head against some real superstars, but you got a really good chance.
50929 9 13 Junior Salesman 7587 Dwight Clark has no chance. I mean, he's up against my buddy Rolf, for God's sake. Guy goes fishing with hand grenades. And Trevor ⓠhe'll make you laugh so hard, you'll puke your pants.
50930 9 13 Junior Salesman 7588 Clark This sucks, you know? You put in 12 grueling weeks at a company, and what do they do? They make you compete for a promotion, like an animal. You know, I thought this was an office, not the Thunderdome.
50931 9 13 Junior Salesman 7589 Dwight Big changes coming to the old desk clump. No longer a Pam-Jim alliance against Dwight. Now it is Dwight and a friend axis against Pam.
50932 9 13 Junior Salesman 7589 Jim You could've just called that an alliance too, right?
50933 9 13 Junior Salesman 7589 Dwight I chose my words very carefully.
50934 9 13 Junior Salesman 7590 Jim Things are a little delicate with me and Pam right now. And if my working in Philly is gonna end up doubling the Dwight in her life, that's only gonna make things worse.
50935 9 13 Junior Salesman 7591 Clark You interviewing for the sales job too?
50936 9 13 Junior Salesman 7591 Rolf No. You're interviewing for it. I'm getting it.
50937 9 13 Junior Salesman 7591 Clark Well, I wouldn't be so sure about that. I mean, I've been working here 12 weeks. That's a full season of Homeland. A ton of things can happen in that amount of time, as we've seen.
50938 9 13 Junior Salesman 7591 Rolf I'm Rolf. Rolf Ahl.
50939 9 13 Junior Salesman 7591 Clark Rolf Ahl? Sounds kinda like Roald Dahl.
50940 9 13 Junior Salesman 7591 Rolf Go to hell.
50941 9 13 Junior Salesman 7591 Clark There he is.
50942 9 13 Junior Salesman 7591 Dwight Hey. Come on, buddy. Let's do this. Sorry, Rolf goes first. You don't compare. When you're with the R-O-L-F, you're literally Rolling on the Laughing Floor.
50943 9 13 Junior Salesman 7591 Rolf Nice.
50944 9 13 Junior Salesman 7592 Dwight Rolf is my best friend, and he is the man. Cool, calm, and collected 24/7. Just try and rattle Rolf. I dare you. Such a sweet guy.
50945 9 13 Junior Salesman 7593 Pam When are you talking to David Wallace?
50946 9 13 Junior Salesman 7593 Jim I'm talking to him this afternoon, but don't get your hopes up.
50947 9 13 Junior Salesman 7593 Pam Too late. My hopes are up.
50948 9 13 Junior Salesman 7594 Jim Last week, my company in Philly lost a big investor, so we're scrambling to find new funding. Luckily, my partners have a fix ⓠme asking the boss of the company I'm abandoning to give us a gigantic influx of cash. So... problem solved. Thanks, guys.
50949 9 13 Junior Salesman 7595 Dwight And this chair's gonna be yours. And this desk. Ha!
50950 9 13 Junior Salesman 7595 Jim I'm on the phone. I'm on the phone.
50951 9 13 Junior Salesman 7595 Dwight No doy!
50952 9 13 Junior Salesman 7595 Jim I'm just gonna call you back. Thanks.
50953 9 13 Junior Salesman 7595 Rolf I hope you like Norwegian black metal, because I don't do earbuds.
50954 9 13 Junior Salesman 7595 Dwight No earbuds!
50955 9 13 Junior Salesman 7595 Jim I'm sure he's just nervous.
50956 9 13 Junior Salesman 7595 Pam It's fine. It's just a seating arrangement. Doesn't matter.
50957 9 13 Junior Salesman 7596 Dwight So I've got your resume here, but it's not telling me everything.
50958 9 13 Junior Salesman 7596 Rolf Well, a lot of that information is private. How do I know you're qualified to evaluate me?
50959 9 13 Junior Salesman 7596 Dwight Well, I'm the one offering the job.
50960 9 13 Junior Salesman 7596 Rolf What are your credentials?
50961 9 13 Junior Salesman 7596 Dwight I've worked here for 12 years. I won salesman of the year. I'm an Assistant to the Regional Manager.
50962 9 13 Junior Salesman 7596 Rolf I think I've heard everything I need to hear.
50963 9 13 Junior Salesman 7596 Dwight Wait, wait, wait, no, I mean, if you need to know more, you can call David Wallace. I'm sure he'd give a reference.
50964 9 13 Junior Salesman 7596 Rolf Thank you, Dwight. I'll be in touch.
50965 9 13 Junior Salesman 7597 Dwight Well, they can't all be winners. But Trevor's next and he's a real professional. You say, "Jump," and he says, "Oh who?" He loves to jump on people, that Trevor.
50966 9 13 Junior Salesman 7598 Dwight What makes you think you'd be an effective paper salesman?
50967 9 13 Junior Salesman 7598 Trevor Ooh, okay. Didn't see that one coming. Can I take a 20 on that? Maybe we can circle back around to it.
50968 9 13 Junior Salesman 7598 Dwight Well, it's a pretty basic question for a potential paper salesman.
50969 9 13 Junior Salesman 7598 Trevor Pass. Next one.
50970 9 13 Junior Salesman 7598 Dwight All right. Do you see yourself as more of a team player or a self-starter?
50971 9 13 Junior Salesman 7598 Trevor No, no and no.
50972 9 13 Junior Salesman 7598 Dwight There were only two options.
50973 9 13 Junior Salesman 7598 Trevor Checkmate. You win this one, my friend. Do you validate parking?
50974 9 13 Junior Salesman 7598 Dwight This is a bus transfer.
50975 9 13 Junior Salesman 7598 Trevor Nothing gets by this guy.
50976 9 13 Junior Salesman 7599 Clark Hey Jim, do you mind if I look over these price sheets before my interview?
50977 9 13 Junior Salesman 7599 Jim Sure, yeah, go ahead.
50978 9 13 Junior Salesman 7599 Clark Thanks, dude. Youâyou sure it's okay? â˜Cause you're kindaâ
50979 9 13 Junior Salesman 7599 Jim Yeah, absolutely. Do people like sitting next to you? You're clean, right?
50980 9 13 Junior Salesman 7599 Clark Oh, Dove Men.
50981 9 13 Junior Salesman 7599 Jim Nice. Music. Do you listen to it in earbuds? You don't listen to it at all because we're at work, not a Florence and the Machine concert, soâ
50982 9 13 Junior Salesman 7599 Clark Yeah, could I just have a minute to prepare for this?
50983 9 13 Junior Salesman 7599 Jim Sure, yeah. Do whatever you need to do.
50984 9 13 Junior Salesman 7599 Clark Thanks, dude.
50985 9 13 Junior Salesman 7599 Jim Right after you do one thing for me. I need you to breathe in my face.
50986 9 13 Junior Salesman 7599 Clark Why?
50987 9 13 Junior Salesman 7599 Jim I need you to breathe in my face right now.
50988 9 13 Junior Salesman 7599 Jim What are we working with, peppermint or wintergreen?
50989 9 13 Junior Salesman 7599 Clark Wintergreen.
50990 9 13 Junior Salesman 7599 Jim I knew it, I knew it.
50991 9 13 Junior Salesman 7599 Clark Yeah, good nose.
50992 9 13 Junior Salesman 7599 Jim I looked at you coming around, and I said, "Wintergreen."
50993 9 13 Junior Salesman 7600 Dwight I can't hire Clark. Yeah, he looks like a Schrute, but he thinks like a Halpert and he acts like a Beesly.
50994 9 13 Junior Salesman 7601 Dwight Okay, here's one. A customer who ordered enough paper to qualify for a volume discount now wants to return half the stock. You can't rebate the sales price or credit for future purchases because you brokered the deal for a third party.
50995 9 13 Junior Salesman 7601 Clark That's just a classic no-win situation.
50996 9 13 Junior Salesman 7601 Dwight Thank you.
50997 9 13 Junior Salesman 7601 Clark So I'd Kobayashi Maru it.
50998 9 13 Junior Salesman 7601 Dwight Damn it! Perfect answer, again.
50999 9 13 Junior Salesman 7601 Clark Yep.
51000 9 13 Junior Salesman 7601 Dwight Think Dwight, think. You have a ream of 16-bond ...
51001 9 13 Junior Salesman 7601 Clark You know what, Dwight?
51002 9 13 Junior Salesman 7601 Dwight And anothâ
51003 9 13 Junior Salesman 7601 Clark This interview's over, and I get the job. I just Kobayashi Maru'd the whole process.
51004 9 13 Junior Salesman 7601 Dwight No.
51005 9 13 Junior Salesman 7601 Clark Yeah. Star Trek rules.
51006 9 13 Junior Salesman 7601 Dwight It does, but still no.
51007 9 13 Junior Salesman 7601 Clark Come on, man. I mean, did Trevor do that? Did Rolf do that?
51008 9 13 Junior Salesman 7601 Dwight Oh, you think they're my only friends? I've got way more friends than that, and they're all better than the losers who work here.
51009 9 13 Junior Salesman 7602 Stanley This is not natural.
51010 9 13 Junior Salesman 7603 Oscar Just ⓠI don't wanna make assumptions based on people's physical appearances.
51011 9 13 Junior Salesman 7603 Pam Well, of course not, but does physical appearance include smell?
51012 9 13 Junior Salesman 7603 Darryl They smell so bad.
51013 9 13 Junior Salesman 7603 Meredith If I ever get that bad, you'd tell me, right?
51014 9 13 Junior Salesman 7603 Kevin Meredith, I tell you all the time.
51015 9 13 Junior Salesman 7603 Meredith Walked right into that one.
51016 9 13 Junior Salesman 7604 Dwight Next up, my cousin Mose. Mose could make a great paper salesman. He's got a natural fear of paper, which would motivate him to get as much of it out of this office as possible. I've got big expectations, Mose-wise.
51017 9 13 Junior Salesman 7605 Dwight What quality would make you a good sales associate?
51018 9 13 Junior Salesman 7605 Mose People person.
51019 9 13 Junior Salesman 7605 Dwight It says here on your resume that you spent the last 15 years as a sales rep for Dow Chemical.
51020 9 13 Junior Salesman 7605 Mose That's right.
51021 9 13 Junior Salesman 7605 Dwight You know we live together, right?
51022 9 13 Junior Salesman 7605 Mose Yes.
51023 9 13 Junior Salesman 7605 Dwight And I've never seen you go to work, ever.
51024 9 13 Junior Salesman 7605 Mose Okay.
51025 9 13 Junior Salesman 7605 Dwight So why is this on your resume?
51026 9 13 Junior Salesman 7606 Clark So how'd you guys hear about the position?
51027 9 13 Junior Salesman 7606 Gabor Myâmy mom.
51028 9 13 Junior Salesman 7606 Nate Dwight called my house, but he didn't realize that I had already moved out, because my mom and I are quarrelling because I- I can't stay out of her stuff.
51029 9 13 Junior Salesman 7606 Zeke Dwight's my cousin, so I overheard him telling my brother Mose about the job opportunity in the shower.
51030 9 13 Junior Salesman 7606 Clark You were in the shower or he was in the shower?
51031 9 13 Junior Salesman 7606 Zeke Everyone was in the shower. It's a cow shower, so there's like, a ton of people in there.
51032 9 13 Junior Salesman 7606 Clark So you guys all know Dwight already?
51033 9 13 Junior Salesman 7606 Melvina I was his babysitter, and then we dated for a while. He was a passionate lover and the sweetest little baby.
51034 9 13 Junior Salesman 7606 Gabor I knew you looked familiar. You used to pick up Dwight from school.
51035 9 13 Junior Salesman 7606 Melvina You went to X-Men school too?
51036 9 13 Junior Salesman 7606 Clark X-Men school?
51037 9 13 Junior Salesman 7607 Dwight When I was young, I spent several years at a private school where I was told I would be taught to harness my mutant abilities. Turned out it was a conman copying Charles Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters from the X-Men comic books. Took me years to figure out that it was a con. Some people never figured it out.
51038 9 13 Junior Salesman 7608 Gabor Oh, I have a few powers. Night hearing. Dogs understand where I point. And our training included picking carrots, scrubbing tubs, sewing imitation Levi's. A lot of telemarketing.
51039 9 13 Junior Salesman 7609 Angela I don't want to sit near any of those people for the next 20 years. Someone say something.
51040 9 13 Junior Salesman 7609 Stanley I said something when they were thinking of hiring Jim. Didn't work then. And now look what he's doing to us.
51041 9 13 Junior Salesman 7609 Nellie Yeah, Jim, this is all your fault.
51042 9 13 Junior Salesman 7609 Jim How is it my fault?
51043 9 13 Junior Salesman 7609 Nellie Here's an exercise for you, Jim. Imagine there are consequences to your actions. Imagine the whole world does not revolve around this. There are others.
51044 9 13 Junior Salesman 7609 Jim But it's Dwight who's bring in all the weirdos.
51045 9 13 Junior Salesman 7609 Oscar Yeah, but Jim, Dwight's a weirdo. We can't blame a weirdo for bringing in weirdos. We can blame a normal for creating a situation where a weirdo was allowed to bring in weirdos.
51046 9 13 Junior Salesman 7609 Pam Hey, I'm the one who has to sit next to this weirdo when Jim's away. I'm in a position where I'm rooting for Nate, and that just feels wrong. Forget it. I need to work on my mural. I have some pointy trees that I need to round off.
51047 9 13 Junior Salesman 7610 David Wallace Hey Jim, I thought our call was for later.
51048 9 13 Junior Salesman 7610 Jim Yeah, this is actually about the new sales guy. Uh, Dwight has brought in a bunch of real weirdos. And I was wondering if I could have some inputâ
51049 9 13 Junior Salesman 7610 Dwight This is Dwight Schrute. Who am I speaking to? And don't lie. I can tell if you're lying.
51050 9 13 Junior Salesman 7610 David Wallace Hey, Dwight. It's David.
51051 9 13 Junior Salesman 7610 Dwight David.
51052 9 13 Junior Salesman 7610 David Wallace Jim says he'd like some say in the hiring process.
51053 9 13 Junior Salesman 7610 Dwight Really? That's interesting. â˜Cause I was thinking that since Jim is only here part time, he might not be as invested in the decision-making process as someone like me who's here every day. And frankly, killing it lately.
51054 9 13 Junior Salesman 7610 Jim I was just thinking that because this person is gonna be sitting at my desk, near my wifeâ
51055 9 13 Junior Salesman 7610 David Wallace Jim, another thing. Since we are gonna have to hire this junior sales associate to cover for you, I am going to have to pay you only for the days that you actually work.
51056 9 13 Junior Salesman 7610 Jim Oh. Um...
51057 9 13 Junior Salesman 7610 David Wallace Yeah.
51058 9 13 Junior Salesman 7610 Jim Okay. I can't say that that's not fair.
51059 9 13 Junior Salesman 7610 Dwight Sounds fair to me, David.
51060 9 13 Junior Salesman 7610 David Wallace And I know we have a call scheduled for later â“
51061 9 13 Junior Salesman 7610 Jim Oh, yeah, so we'll just do that later.
51062 9 13 Junior Salesman 7610 Dwight No. Why not do it now?
51063 9 13 Junior Salesman 7610 David Wallace Yeah. What's up Jim?
51064 9 13 Junior Salesman 7610 Jim Uh... Well, it's about Athlead. I'm sorry. Does Dwight have to be on this part of the phone call?
51065 9 13 Junior Salesman 7610 Dwight I'd love to be in the loop, David.
51066 9 13 Junior Salesman 7610 David Wallace It's okay. Go ahead, Jim.
51067 9 13 Junior Salesman 7610 Jim There's a very exciting opportunity to be a core investor â“
51068 9 13 Junior Salesman 7610 David Wallace Okay. Jim, I'm gonna have to stop you right there.
51069 9 13 Junior Salesman 7610 Jim Yes, okay. Bye.
51070 9 13 Junior Salesman 7610 Dwight I'd love to invest.
51071 9 13 Junior Salesman 7610 Jim No, thanks.
51072 9 13 Junior Salesman 7610 Dwight I'd like to give you $100 million.
51073 9 13 Junior Salesman 7611 Hide Why you make trees into bushes? You don't make paper from bushes.
51074 9 13 Junior Salesman 7611 Pam Hide, they're giving out jobs upstairs. Why don't you go up and get one?
51075 9 13 Junior Salesman 7611 Hide Thank you.
51076 9 13 Junior Salesman 7611 Pam Yeah.
51077 9 13 Junior Salesman 7612 Troy Whoops.
51078 9 13 Junior Salesman 7613 Zeke It's dense. Like bread.
51079 9 13 Junior Salesman 7614 Jim Dwight, you can't just hire someone â˜cause they're your friend.
51080 9 13 Junior Salesman 7614 Dwight I'm not. These people are the best of the best. I find talent an attractive quality in a friend.
51081 9 13 Junior Salesman 7614 Nellie They're freaks, Dwight. All your friends are weirdos and freaks.
51082 9 13 Junior Salesman 7614 Dwight You know who else was a freak? Spider-man. And he was also a hero.
51083 9 13 Junior Salesman 7614 Darryl Your friends are like Spider-man, if he had gotten bitten by a spider and then got really into m*st*rb*t*ng.
51084 9 13 Junior Salesman 7615 Wolf Man, how cool is it gonna be when I start working here? Paintball fights at lunch.
51085 9 13 Junior Salesman 7615 Dwight Mandatory paintball. Uh, wolf, please report to the parking lot for mandatory paintball at lunch.
51086 9 13 Junior Salesman 7616 Dwight Wolf is hilarious. He has executed me over 100 times at point-blank range. Half of â˜em, we were on the same team. Oh my God. How I screamed. Ah, that goof.
51087 9 13 Junior Salesman 7617 Dwight Sell me this piece of paper. Watch this.
51088 9 13 Junior Salesman 7617 Wolf Do you want this paper?
51089 9 13 Junior Salesman 7617 Dwight I sure do.
51090 9 13 Junior Salesman 7617 Wolf It's not very good.
51091 9 13 Junior Salesman 7617 Dwight I will pay you whatever it takes.
51092 9 13 Junior Salesman 7617 Wolf I think I wanna keep it now. It must be pretty special if you want it so bad.
51093 9 13 Junior Salesman 7617 Dwight No, you have lots of other pieces of paper that are just like it. So here, just take my money.
51094 9 13 Junior Salesman 7617 Wolf Stop trying to get my paper buddy. Okay read my lips. It's over.
51095 9 13 Junior Salesman 7617 Dwight Okay. Good. That was great. So. Wow. You're still at the 570 number?
51096 9 13 Junior Salesman 7617 Wolf I am.
51097 9 13 Junior Salesman 7617 Dwight Okay. Good, good, good.
51098 9 13 Junior Salesman 7618 Hide I have eight years experience selling electronics in Sanyo store in downtown Tokyo. I was a doctor. And I have a business degree from Tokyo University.
51099 9 13 Junior Salesman 7618 Dwight This isn't gonna work out.
51100 9 13 Junior Salesman 7618 Hide Thank you.
51101 9 13 Junior Salesman 7619 Dwight Nate is a proven entity, but not without his handicaps; hearing, vision, basic cognition. Trevor is great, but I saw no fire in him today. And this is a guy who loves to start fires. Troy is literally one of a kind. He's a goblin, or a hobbit, or a kobold, which is a type of gremlin. And yet I'm hesitant. Why can't I pull the trigger on any of them?
51102 9 13 Junior Salesman 7620 Dwight No, no, no. I just need to tell them. I just need to tell them.
51103 9 13 Junior Salesman 7620 Melvina Do you need to be changed?
51104 9 13 Junior Salesman 7620 Dwight I do that myself now.
51105 9 13 Junior Salesman 7620 Melvina Mm. Are you going to make a decision soon? I've been double-parked for five hours. I'm wondering if I should move my car.
51106 9 13 Junior Salesman 7621 Dwight No, you've been towed by now. They tow after about 45 minutes.
51107 9 13 Junior Salesman 7621 Melvina Well, the joke's on them. I live right next to the tow yard. All they did was save me some gas.
51108 9 13 Junior Salesman 7621 Trevor Hey man, we get how difficult this is. And no matter how you choose, we're still gonna be your friend.
51109 9 13 Junior Salesman 7621 Wolf Yeah, whether it's me or Troy Underbridge, or Gabor, or Melvinaâ
51110 9 13 Junior Salesman 7621 Dwight Or none of you
51111 9 13 Junior Salesman 7621 Wolf Yeah, you'd bring us all down here, put us through the wringer and then choose none of us.
51112 9 13 Junior Salesman 7621 Trevor Can you imagine how insulting that would be? The contempt that a person like that would have to have for you.
51113 9 13 Junior Salesman 7621 Dwight I wish I could hire all of you.
51114 9 13 Junior Salesman 7621 Zeke I could start Monday.
51115 9 13 Junior Salesman 7622 Dwight Psst. Jim Jim? Jim, turn around. Jim, turn around. Jim, turn around.
51116 9 13 Junior Salesman 7622 Jim Ahh, I love staring off in one direction. If I'm not looking south, I'm not livin'. That's what I always say.
51117 9 13 Junior Salesman 7622 Dwight Just act natural.
51118 9 13 Junior Salesman 7623 Dwight And I was thinking it's only fair that you help make this decision since they'll be sitting at your desk next to your wife.
51119 9 13 Junior Salesman 7623 Jim But you know I wouldn't hire any of these all-stars.
51120 9 13 Junior Salesman 7623 Dwight Aah! God, that sucks! Aah! What are you gonna do? I mean, it's your call.
51121 9 13 Junior Salesman 7623 Jim Nope. Your friends not turning out to be as great as you thought? Not even Gabor?
51122 9 13 Junior Salesman 7623 Dwight I guess I just have higher standards for my work colleagues than for my friends. I just couldn't picture any of them in the old gold and gray.
51123 9 13 Junior Salesman 7623 Jim I knew it. You designed a uniform for Dunder Mifflin.
51124 9 13 Junior Salesman 7624 Dwight Summer. Winter. Jungle. Formal.
51125 9 13 Junior Salesman 7625 Jim Well, I for one, was amazed at how qualified everyone was. You?
51126 9 13 Junior Salesman 7625 Dwight Yes. Thank you. Amazed.
51127 9 13 Junior Salesman 7625 Jim And I gotta say, this was a tough decision. And we had to go with none of you.
51128 9 13 Junior Salesman 7625 Sensei Ira I'm sorry?
51129 9 13 Junior Salesman 7625 Dwight What? This is such bullcrap!
51130 9 13 Junior Salesman 7625 Jim Well, you know, Wallace put me in charge, so you have no say.
51131 9 13 Junior Salesman 7625 Dwight Wow. So much crap. It's just a load of B.C. How could you do this to them?
51132 9 13 Junior Salesman 7625 Jim Too much now.
51133 9 13 Junior Salesman 7625 Dwight Okay.
51134 9 13 Junior Salesman 7625 Nate Do we get our resumes back or do you keep them? Because I only have the one, and I have a chili recipe on the back that I really wanna keep.
51135 9 13 Junior Salesman 7625 Dwight Okay, this is an outrage. Ugh! You know what? This is Jim Halpert's home address, in case you guys wanna toilet paper his house or whatever.
51136 9 13 Junior Salesman 7625 Jim That seems inconsiderate.
51137 9 13 Junior Salesman 7625 Rolf No. We get it. Thanks so much for the opportunity, Dwight. Don't open any suspicious packages you may receive. No, wait. Do open them. Totally safe.
51138 9 13 Junior Salesman 7625 Dwight Guys, it wasn't up to me. Rolf, come on. Guys, it wasn't my choice! I would have hired all of you! Gabor, Gabor.
51139 9 13 Junior Salesman 7625 Trevor Well, my day's shot.
51140 9 13 Junior Salesman 7625 Rolf Yeah, it's that weird hour where it's too late to start a slow roast and too early for a Swanson's.
51141 9 13 Junior Salesman 7625 Wolf I got it. Paintball.
51142 9 13 Junior Salesman 7625 Dwight Oh, that sounds awesome. Can we wait till I get off work?
51143 9 13 Junior Salesman 7625 Trevor And what are we supposed to do until then?
51144 9 13 Junior Salesman 7625 Dwight Okay.
51145 9 13 Junior Salesman 7625 Wolf Let's just go, you guys.
51146 9 13 Junior Salesman 7625 Rolf Yeah. No limit on weapons class, right?
51147 9 13 Junior Salesman 7625 Jim All right. I think that went well.
51148 9 13 Junior Salesman 7626 Jim So, uh, if you just take a look at this, and then that'll print outâHey. Meet your new desk mate.
51149 9 13 Junior Salesman 7626 Clark What's up good lookin'?
51150 9 13 Junior Salesman 7626 Pam Oh, cool. Hey Clark.
51151 9 13 Junior Salesman 7626 Jim Trust me, this is the least of all evils. It took me all day to pull this off, so you should be thrilled, considering.
51152 9 13 Junior Salesman 7626 Pam Yeah, I guess. I mean, I kinda liked my old desk mate.
51153 9 13 Junior Salesman 7626 Jim Okay. I'm really sorry I told the guys I'd be there for the board meeting.
51154 9 13 Junior Salesman 7626 Pam Of course.
51155 9 13 Junior Salesman 7626 Jim I'll call you when I get there.
51156 9 13 Junior Salesman 7626 Pam Okay.
51157 9 13 Junior Salesman 7626 Jim All right.
51158 9 13 Junior Salesman 7626 Pam Bye.
51159 9 13 Junior Salesman 7626 Jim Take care of my wife. I will be back.
51160 9 13 Junior Salesman 7627 Dwight They say that everyone outgrows their friends at some point in their lives. Well I just outgrew them all in the span of three hours.
51161 9 13 Junior Salesman 7628 Clark Hey, Pam, I'm going to the kitchen. You want anything?
51162 9 13 Junior Salesman 7628 Pam I'm good.
51163 9 13 Junior Salesman 7628 Dwight Oh, hey, I'll take a coffee.
51164 9 13 Junior Salesman 7628 Clark Oh, I'm sorry. You gotta be this cool for coffee.
51165 9 13 Junior Salesman 7628 Pam Hey, Dwight. Wanna haze the new guy?
51166 9 13 Junior Salesman 7628 Dwight Who, me?
51167 9 13 Junior Salesman 7628 Pam Us.
51168 9 13 Junior Salesman 7628 Dwight Absolutely, I do.
51169 9 13 Junior Salesman 7628 Pam Okay. Okay, here. Okay, so the next time he goes to the bathroom, I'll distract him, you take that.
51170 9 13 Junior Salesman 7628 Dwight Okay, yeah, I know what to do. Okay. Oh, that's great.
51171 9 13 Junior Salesman 7628 Dwight Aah!
51172 9 13 Junior Salesman 7628 Clark No!
51173 9 13 Junior Salesman 7628 Dwight Welcome to the club, pig!
51174 9 13 Junior Salesman 7628 Pam No, Dwight!
51175 9 13 Junior Salesman 7628 Dwight Aah!
51176 9 13 Junior Salesman 7629 Jim No, it does matter who ends up sitting next to Pam when I'm gone. The people around you are basically who you end up spending your life with. I mean, because of where my desk was, I spent all those years looking at Pam, and I fell in love. So, that stuff matters. Definitely does.
51177 9 14 Vandalism 7630 Nellie Have you seen Darryl?
51178 9 14 Vandalism 7630 Erin He's around here somewhere.
51179 9 14 Vandalism 7630 Nellie Mmm.
51180 9 14 Vandalism 7631 Erin Yeah, Darryl's here. So is Santa Claus. It's just a regular Thursday. Neither guy is here. And, it's Friday. Welcome to me and Darryl's world of lies.
51181 9 14 Vandalism 7632 Erin Nobody knows it yet, but Darryl already started working in Philly. So now, he has to sneak out of here like the sneakiest little sneaky-sneak you ever saw. And I'm his helper. It's so fun.
51182 9 14 Vandalism 7633 Erin Darryl. Meet... bear... ull.
51183 9 14 Vandalism 7633 Darryl How much did you pay for that?
51184 9 14 Vandalism 7633 Erin Nothing. Won him at the carnival. Spent a ton on tickets, though. Drive safe.
51185 9 14 Vandalism 7634 Darryl Everybody knows I go to Philly. I've just been using sick days I saved up. But, Erin was so excited about being sneaky-sneaks, I went along with it.
51186 9 14 Vandalism 7635 Erin Ha, ha, ha! Darryl, you are too much! That guy's hilarious. He's here today.
51187 9 14 Vandalism 7636 Pam I've really been putting in the hours on this mural. And my boss is totally OK with it, because he's in the Bahamas and has no clue what anybody is doing. I'm usually very self-critical. I hate what I paint. But, I don't know, this time I feel like it's, um, it's really coming together... Oh my god! Wha? You've gotta be kidding me! What it... are those... are those butts? Huh? No way. No way!
51188 9 14 Vandalism 7637 Angela Excuse me, everyone. Is it OK if I leave early from work today? It's Phillip's first birthday and the senator and I are hosting a party at our house.
51189 9 14 Vandalism 7637 Erin Aw, cute! So there'll be a bunch of kids.
51190 9 14 Vandalism 7637 Angela No. No children. Our house is not kid-friendly. Most of our furniture is sharp. Also, ew. It will mostly be campaign donors.
51191 9 14 Vandalism 7637 Kevin Angela, I am prepared to donate a whopping... 8 dollars to Lipton For America to have an invitation...
51192 9 14 Vandalism 7637 Angela No, no, please. You know, actually, none of you could even really make the cut for this thing. Which I am so sad about.
51193 9 14 Vandalism 7637 Oscar Angela. You're going to find out, so I thought I'd let you know that, uh, Robert invited me too.
51194 9 14 Vandalism 7637 Angela What?
51195 9 14 Vandalism 7637 Oscar He said he wanted me there for support.
51196 9 14 Vandalism 7637 Angela I'm his! His... wife.
51197 9 14 Vandalism 7638 Oscar Angela's husband and I are in love. But, as a politician in this town, you still need the conventional blonde wife on your lawn signs. He is risking everything to have me there today. Me.
51198 9 14 Vandalism 7639 Angela We agreed that you wouldn't be seen with him in public. It's humiliating for me. Well, if you get to bring a stud, maybe I do too.
51199 9 14 Vandalism 7640 Jim Hey.
51200 9 14 Vandalism 7640 Darryl Hey.
51201 9 14 Vandalism 7641 Jim We are splitting a sublet on a place near Philly.
51202 9 14 Vandalism 7641 Darryl Just a couple of grown, sexy-ass roommates.
51203 9 14 Vandalism 7641 Jim And, as much as I miss Pam and the kids, it's, uh, kinda nice to live the bachelor life again. You know, let your hair down.
51204 9 14 Vandalism 7641 Darryl Jim was nice enough to give me his bedroom.
51205 9 14 Vandalism 7641 Jim I'm couching it!
51206 9 14 Vandalism 7641 Darryl Which usually means there's clothes all over the living room.
51207 9 14 Vandalism 7641 Jim And this dude labels his food. He's the clean one. And, I'm the messy one. How much fun is this?
51208 9 14 Vandalism 7641 Darryl I love Jim. I love that he hooked me up with a job. It's just, he uses old t-shirts as wash rags. He doesn't wash his dishes. Apparently, they need to soak... He hooked me up with a job.
51209 9 14 Vandalism 7642 Pam Attention, everyone. Can I have your attention, please? Yeah, I don't know everybody's name down here, but whoever did this will you please raise your hand. Hello? This is not over. OK? I will stay up here all day if I have to. Is that what you want? Yeah, I will also come down if I want to. It's my choice.
51210 9 14 Vandalism 7643 Pam I don't demand justice often. I'm not like Angela, who calls a lawyer every time someone watches a YouTube video of animals doing it. But, someone should get fired over this, right? Val's no help. Andy's gone. Jim's out. I just feel like I'm on my own here. I mean, OK, not completely on my own. But, in terms of people who can do something. Thank you, Brian.
51211 9 14 Vandalism 7644 Jim Hey. So, Wade wants to send people to the Sloan conference. We gotta compile a list of our target clients.
51212 9 14 Vandalism 7644 Darryl Already on it. I ordered them by their Google trend ranking so we know who to hit first.
51213 9 14 Vandalism 7644 Jim Who is this guy? We are killing it.
51214 9 14 Vandalism 7644 Darryl Yes sir.
51215 9 14 Vandalism 7644 Jim Yeah!
51216 9 14 Vandalism 7645 Pam Conference room. Everybody. Now!
51217 9 14 Vandalism 7645 Dwight You don't have the clearance to call a conference room meeting.
51218 9 14 Vandalism 7645 Pam Yes, but David Wallace does. And he asked me to gather everyone to talk about stuff... That's gonna be revealed once we're in the conference room for the meeting.
51219 9 14 Vandalism 7645 Dwight You're telling me, David Wallace asked you to call a super secret, classified conference room meeting?
51220 9 14 Vandalism 7645 Pam Yeah.
51221 9 14 Vandalism 7645 Dwight Let's go everyone. Super secret, classified conference room meeting, now!
51222 9 14 Vandalism 7645 Pam I have terrible news. Someone defaced my mural. They painted all over it.
51223 9 14 Vandalism 7645 Erin I thought that's what you were doing.
51224 9 14 Vandalism 7645 Pam Yeah, but this is different.
51225 9 14 Vandalism 7645 Erin Oh. They used worse paint than your paint?
51226 9 14 Vandalism 7645 Pam I don't think so, but they put paint where I didn't want paint. So...
51227 9 14 Vandalism 7645 Erin I thought you wanted paint on the whole thing.
51228 9 14 Vandalism 7645 Pam Different colored paint. I wanted different colored paint in the spots where they put their paint. So, it just is... OK, the point is, these warehouse guys are vandals. And, they need to be stopped.
51229 9 14 Vandalism 7645 Meredith Yeah, and somebody had the balls to put my phone number on the men's room wall. Which is so messed up. It's 6782 not 83.
51230 9 14 Vandalism 7645 Creed Uh, 6783's also a good time. Less mileage.
51231 9 14 Vandalism 7645 Oscar Pam, what can be done?
51232 9 14 Vandalism 7645 Pam Yes. Thank you. Let's answer that question.
51233 9 14 Vandalism 7645 Oscar I was politely saying nothing can be done. I thought I was clear.
51234 9 14 Vandalism 7645 Pam What? Come on guys. We need to figure out who did this and punish them. This isn't just about me. This is about all of us. This is our mural. Don't you see? How much we worked on this? How much time and energy? We put our heart and soul into this thing.
51235 9 14 Vandalism 7645 Phyllis David Wallace called this meeting?
51236 9 14 Vandalism 7645 Pam Sure did. I was as surprised as you, but apparently, he is very passionate about public art.
51237 9 14 Vandalism 7645 Pam No, no. Come on, guys. Don't go.
51238 9 14 Vandalism 7645 Dwight Pam, I'll help you.
51239 9 14 Vandalism 7645 Pam You will?
51240 9 14 Vandalism 7645 Dwight If there's anything I hate worse than art, it's crime.
51241 9 14 Vandalism 7645 Pam Thank you.
51242 9 14 Vandalism 7645 Nellie I am in too, Pam.
51243 9 14 Vandalism 7645 Pam Yeah?
51244 9 14 Vandalism 7645 Nellie Yes, of course. I believe in you. I believe in your art. And I am bored.
51245 9 14 Vandalism 7645 Pam Great.
51246 9 14 Vandalism 7646 Pam I was hoping for a righteous mob, and I ended up with Dwight and Nellie. But, they both have a mob mentality. And, I'm pretty sure Dwight has a pitchfork in his car.
51247 9 14 Vandalism 7646 Dwight You need my pitchfork?
51248 9 14 Vandalism 7647 Angela Hey!
51249 9 14 Vandalism 7647 Dwight What is it? I have vengeance to exact.
51250 9 14 Vandalism 7647 Angela Exciting news. There's room for one more at my son's birthday event. And, I want you.
51251 9 14 Vandalism 7647 Dwight Ah, I'm not interested.
51252 9 14 Vandalism 7647 Angela What? Wait. The state transportation secretary will be there. You could sell your beet salt idea to the highway people.
51253 9 14 Vandalism 7647 Dwight If I get the deicing gig, it's not gonna be on merit. Not because I played politics.
51254 9 14 Vandalism 7647 Kevin Hey. So, a little birdie just told me that Dwight can't come to your son's birthday. So, do you want me to go with you?
51255 9 14 Vandalism 7647 Angela No.
51256 9 14 Vandalism 7647 Kevin OK. I understand. I'll just stay here, then. Alone with the money.
51257 9 14 Vandalism 7647 Angela Aw, crap.
51258 9 14 Vandalism 7648 Dwight I am handing out pieces of paper. On which, you will draw one human butt. What I do with said drawings, is no one's business but my own.
51259 9 14 Vandalism 7648 Frank You're gonna to compare 'um to the butts up there.
51260 9 14 Vandalism 7648 Dwight Incorrect. It is my fetish. Oh, also, sign them. My fetish is signed drawings of butts.
51261 9 14 Vandalism 7648 Glenn I'm not drawing a butt.
51262 9 14 Vandalism 7648 Nellie All right then, they're bottoms. Uh, we should ask you to do big, rounded Ws.
51263 9 14 Vandalism 7648 Dwight Yes. Or nipplous breasts. Perhaps.
51264 9 14 Vandalism 7648 Val OK, OK. I think it's time to get back to work. Come on, fellas. Let's go.
51265 9 14 Vandalism 7648 Dwight Or melons. Like cantaloups. With the halves are cut off. And then, just the bottom parts...
51266 9 14 Vandalism 7648 Nellie Well, this is getting us nowhere.
51267 9 14 Vandalism 7648 Pam We need another approach. Um, we need to fine the weakest one and separate him from the group. Yeah. I think if we could get Nate alone, we could crack him.
51268 9 14 Vandalism 7648 Dwight We just need a pretense to talk to him. We could tell him that his mother is dying. That usually works on him. Nate. Your mother is dying.
51269 9 14 Vandalism 7648 Pam See, I feel bad about that.
51270 9 14 Vandalism 7648 Dwight It's all right. It's all right.
51271 9 14 Vandalism 7649 Nate So, she's gonna pull through again? That's great. Can I talk to her?
51272 9 14 Vandalism 7649 Dwight No. She needs her rest again.
51273 9 14 Vandalism 7649 Nellie Now listen. Now that we have got you here, let's talk about this mural business.
51274 9 14 Vandalism 7649 Dwight You know who the vandal is. Now, I know a lot of these warehouse guys are your friends, but we've got chewing gum.
51275 9 14 Vandalism 7649 Nate Gum's gotten mintier lately. Have you noticed? Like, some of it's just too minty. It's like they're literally trying to hurt...
51276 9 14 Vandalism 7649 Pam Tell us who defaced the mural!
51277 9 14 Vandalism 7649 Nate He did it.
51278 9 14 Vandalism 7649 Pam All right. You can go. Give him his gum.
51279 9 14 Vandalism 7649 Dwight There's no gum. There never was any gum.
51280 9 14 Vandalism 7649 Nate That's really rude.
51281 9 14 Vandalism 7650 Kevin Opening with pub pastries? That's a bold play. They're saying, it's only gonna get better from here? Good luck.
51282 9 14 Vandalism 7650 Oscar That painting is just... How can anyone that weighs less than a guinea hen be so terrifying?
51283 9 14 Vandalism 7650 Party Announcer Ladies and gentlemen, Senator and Angela Lipton.
51284 9 14 Vandalism 7650 Senator Thanks, everybody. Thanks for coming. Phillip had no idea he was so popular.
51285 9 14 Vandalism 7650 Angela Oh, Robert, you're horrible. Simon, Maxine. Who let you guys in here?
51286 9 14 Vandalism 7651 Athlead Employee This is the team.
51287 9 14 Vandalism 7651 Jim Nice job, man.
51288 9 14 Vandalism 7651 Darryl You too... Darryl.
51289 9 14 Vandalism 7651 Jim What? Oh, man! I'm sorry about that.
51290 9 14 Vandalism 7651 Darryl It's cool. Reading's tricky sometimes.
51291 9 14 Vandalism 7651 Jim Oh, um... Are you really mad about this?
51292 9 14 Vandalism 7651 Darryl That's my go-to thermos. That's all.
51293 9 14 Vandalism 7651 Jim Oh. It's your go-to therm. Oh, man. That's a bummer. I'm sorry about that.
51294 9 14 Vandalism 7651 Darryl No big deal. No big deal.
51295 9 14 Vandalism 7651 Jim No, no. If it's a big deal, it's a big deal.
51296 9 14 Vandalism 7651 Darryl Nah, nah...
51297 9 14 Vandalism 7651 Jim No big deal.
51298 9 14 Vandalism 7651 Darryl Nah, nah, nah. You don't have to do that.
51299 9 14 Vandalism 7651 Jim Honestly, I don't mind. Did you want me to wash it for you or...
51300 9 14 Vandalism 7651 Darryl I don't know. You gonna wash it? Or you gonna let it soak?
51301 9 14 Vandalism 7651 Jim OK. Here ya go.
51302 9 14 Vandalism 7651 Darryl Thank you.
51303 9 14 Vandalism 7652 Nellie So, Frank. Do you have any thoughts about what was done? By you?
51304 9 14 Vandalism 7652 Pam Maybe, maybe I could, could get the ball rolling. Um, Frank? Hi. Pam. Um, I am so sorry if I've done anything to offend you. I'm sure it isn't easy for you guys to have an upstairs person coming down in your space. So. Truly. If, if, I apologize. But enough about me. Your turn.
51305 9 14 Vandalism 7652 Toby You sort of deserve an apology here. Frank?
51306 9 14 Vandalism 7652 Frank I'm sorry I didn't like your crappy doodles. I drew a butt. Big deal. Butts are funny.
51307 9 14 Vandalism 7652 Pam Well, I didn't think that butt was funny.
51308 9 14 Vandalism 7652 Frank Well, maybe if you got the stick out of yours.
51309 9 14 Vandalism 7652 Pam What was that?
51310 9 14 Vandalism 7652 Frank You know what? You people can't fire me. So, screw you.
51311 9 14 Vandalism 7652 Pam Whoa! Hey! That is not OK. What are you gonna do about that?
51312 9 14 Vandalism 7652 Toby Uh... it... compliment...
51313 9 14 Vandalism 7652 Nellie The first 'sorry' sounded sincere.
51314 9 14 Vandalism 7652 Toby There were two or three 'sorry's in there.
51315 9 14 Vandalism 7653 Pam That sucked. He didn't apologize. There's no talking to that guy.
51316 9 14 Vandalism 7653 Dwight Oh, your little feelings party didn't work out? Huh? Who won the hugging contest? Oh, let me guess. Everyone tied for first.
51317 9 14 Vandalism 7653 Pam We should just take him down.
51318 9 14 Vandalism 7653 Dwight Wait. Are you saying...
51319 9 14 Vandalism 7653 Pam I'm saying we should go scorched earth on that guy's face.
51320 9 14 Vandalism 7654 Dwight Normally, I find Pam to be a comforting, if unarousing, presence around the office. Like a well-watered fern. But, today, she has tapped into this vengeful, violent side. And I'm like, wow, Pam has kind of a good butt.
51321 9 14 Vandalism 7655 Dwight He messed with something that was important to you. We need to mess with something that's important to him.
51322 9 14 Vandalism 7655 Pam Yes!
51323 9 14 Vandalism 7655 Dwight A little eye for an eye action.
51324 9 14 Vandalism 7655 Pam Yes!
51325 9 14 Vandalism 7655 Dwight Go all Hammurabi on this clown.
51326 9 14 Vandalism 7655 Pam We need an infiltrator.
51327 9 14 Vandalism 7655 Dwight I know just the man for the job.
51328 9 14 Vandalism 7655 Pam Clark?
51329 9 14 Vandalism 7655 Dwight He even looks like a mole.
51330 9 14 Vandalism 7656 Oscar One of his tee shots can wipe out a whole owl population.
51331 9 14 Vandalism 7656 Party Guest You two seem very close.
51332 9 14 Vandalism 7656 Senator Yes. We're good friends. Good friends.
51333 9 14 Vandalism 7656 Oscar Yeah.
51334 9 14 Vandalism 7656 Senator You know, I suppose that may ruffle a few feathers. For a long time, our party has turned it's back on the Hispanic people. Well, that is not who I am. I am a friend of the Latino community. And if you ask me, it's time we bid bigotry hasta luego. Now, does my embrace of Hispanics make me more electable? Given demographic trends? I don't know. And I don't care. What I care about is Oscar. My friend. Mi amigo. Oscar.
51335 9 14 Vandalism 7657 Oscar Maybe I should be insulted that he only invited me here to be his token Mexican friend. But, he could of invited any number of Hispanics that he knows. His gardener, Rogelio. Or he could've invited... Rogelio. But, he chose me. Rogelio's Malaysian... The son of a bitch is Malaysian.
51336 9 14 Vandalism 7658 Darryl Oh, hey.
51337 9 14 Vandalism 7658 Jim Hey.
51338 9 14 Vandalism 7658 Darryl I usually watch TV during my lunch breaks. It's cool?
51339 9 14 Vandalism 7658 Jim Yeah. Totally.
51340 9 14 Vandalism 7658 Darryl All right.
51341 9 14 Vandalism 7658 Jim It's mine. Don't worry.
51342 9 14 Vandalism 7658 Darryl I didn't say anything.
51343 9 14 Vandalism 7658 Jim I don't think you had to.
51344 9 14 Vandalism 7658 Darryl Excuse me?
51345 9 14 Vandalism 7658 Jim I think you might be going a little crazy with this labeling thing, man. I mean, you put your name on a five pound bag of flour. Are you honestly saying that if I needed flour I couldn't use that?
51346 9 14 Vandalism 7658 Darryl What you need flour for, Jim?
51347 9 14 Vandalism 7658 Jim That's not the point.
51348 9 14 Vandalism 7658 Darryl What? You making bread?
51349 9 14 Vandalism 7658 Jim No, I'm not making bread.
51350 9 14 Vandalism 7658 Darryl What kind of bread you making? Pumpernickel?
51351 9 14 Vandalism 7658 Jim Darryl, it doesn't matter. I think you know the point I'm trying to make.
51352 9 14 Vandalism 7658 Darryl All right, I'm being a jerk. You got me this job. I should be grateful. I am, I just... you know, I get finicky about my stuff. That's all.
51353 9 14 Vandalism 7658 Jim It's all good. Are we all good?
51354 9 14 Vandalism 7658 Darryl We good.
51355 9 14 Vandalism 7658 Jim What's that cooler?
51356 9 14 Vandalism 7658 Darryl Nothing. It's mine. What happened to my Tavis Smileys?
51357 9 14 Vandalism 7658 Jim Oh, crap. Were those yours?
51358 9 14 Vandalism 7659 Dwight I never want to see you working in the upstairs office again. Do you hear me?
51359 9 14 Vandalism 7659 Clark Well, my only crime was loving the local sports teams and trying to be one of the guys.
51360 9 14 Vandalism 7659 Dwight Silence. You'll now be working in the warehouse with the untouchables. Now, go make your hands rough with work.
51361 9 14 Vandalism 7659 Clark OK, boss. Pam, you know this is ridiculous, right? Like you're smarter than this.
51362 9 14 Vandalism 7659 Pam Shh, shh.
51363 9 14 Vandalism 7659 Clark This is never gonna work.
51364 9 14 Vandalism 7659 Pam Shh. Remember your lines.
51365 9 14 Vandalism 7659 Clark What lines?
51366 9 14 Vandalism 7659 Dwight Go move some paper!
51367 9 14 Vandalism 7660 Pam Hey, you know that guy Frank who works in the warehouse?
51368 9 14 Vandalism 7660 Darryl He's not my hire, but I know who he is.
51369 9 14 Vandalism 7660 Pam OK. What does he like? What's important to him? Does he have like a favorite pair of boots or a lunch box or...
51370 9 14 Vandalism 7660 Darryl What? Is he retiring? You getting him a gift or something?
51371 9 14 Vandalism 7660 Pam Yeah, something like that.
51372 9 14 Vandalism 7660 Darryl I know he loves his pick up truck.
51373 9 14 Vandalism 7660 Pam Oh, great! His truck!
51374 9 14 Vandalism 7660 Dwight Great. Get the plate number.
51375 9 14 Vandalism 7660 Pam OK. Do you know the plate... never mind. Why would you know that? And why would I be asking that?
51376 9 14 Vandalism 7660 Dwight So we know which truck to van...
51377 9 14 Vandalism 7660 Darryl Hey. While I got you on the phone, your husband's like a sloppy, homeless hobo. Can you fix that?
51378 9 14 Vandalism 7660 Pam Yeah. I was kinda hoping you could. I gotta go. Bye. Come on.
51379 9 14 Vandalism 7661 Party Photographer Hold on a second. Uh, Sandeep? Let's get you closer to the senator. Just about there. Great. And, Oscar? I'm gonna need you to step a little closer to the senator, as well. Somewhere there.
51380 9 14 Vandalism 7661 Angela He's blocking me.
51381 9 14 Vandalism 7661 Senator It's only a photo, honey.
51382 9 14 Vandalism 7661 Party Photographer Excuse me, uh, what's your name?
51383 9 14 Vandalism 7661 Party Waiter Sean.
51384 9 14 Vandalism 7661 Party Photographer LaShawn. Great. You wanna be in a photo? Right this way. Not you. No.
51385 9 14 Vandalism 7661 Oscar He put me here.
51386 9 14 Vandalism 7661 Angela He put you right in front of me?
51387 9 14 Vandalism 7661 Party Photographer Let's just wheel Margaret right in front...
51388 9 14 Vandalism 7661 Oscar Ow! Robert?!
51389 9 14 Vandalism 7661 Senator Angela.
51390 9 14 Vandalism 7661 Party Photographer Smile.
51391 9 14 Vandalism 7662 Pam I'm done. What are you... Is that supposed to be my mural?
51392 9 14 Vandalism 7662 Dwight Yeah. Frank draws a butt on your mural, I'm drawing your mural on Frank's truck's butt. Eye for an eye, mamacita.
51393 9 14 Vandalism 7662 Pam Aw, Dwight. That's really sweet.
51394 9 14 Vandalism 7662 Dwight Let's see yours.
51395 9 14 Vandalism 7662 Pam Oh, no. Um, I, I'm embarrassed. It's stupid.
51396 9 14 Vandalism 7662 Dwight This is amazing! Frank! And he's leaving a trail of poops?
51397 9 14 Vandalism 7662 Pam Yeah. And he has saggy boobs.
51398 9 14 Vandalism 7662 Dwight I saw that. That's great!
51399 9 14 Vandalism 7662 Pam Yeah. I feel better.
51400 9 14 Vandalism 7662 Dwight Good. I'm glad you feel better. This has been a wonderful day. I have to say, I like hanging out with a vengeful bitch.
51401 9 14 Vandalism 7662 Pam I know. You miss Angela, don't you?
51402 9 14 Vandalism 7662 Dwight Ugh! Don't sympathize. You're ruining the mood. Back to work. Draw his pen1s.
51403 9 14 Vandalism 7663 Pam I got back at Frank in the most fitting way possible. With my art. The paints are water-based. It's gonna come off with a hose. But, I think the lesson will last a very...
51404 9 14 Vandalism 7663 Frank Lady! My truck? You had no right!
51405 9 14 Vandalism 7663 Pam o, you had no right!
51406 9 14 Vandalism 7663 Frank It's a $40,000 truck!
51407 9 14 Vandalism 7663 Pam So? You started it!
51408 9 14 Vandalism 7663 Frank So? So someone need to shut you up!
51409 9 14 Vandalism 7663 Brian Hey, hey, hey!
51410 9 14 Vandalism 7663 Pam Whoa.
51411 9 14 Vandalism 7663 Brian Easy!
51412 9 14 Vandalism 7663 Frank You son of a bitch!
51413 9 14 Vandalism 7663 Brian You're gonna hit a woman?
51414 9 14 Vandalism 7664 Senator Thanks so much for coming. Thanks so much. Well. Have we all calmed down yet?
51415 9 14 Vandalism 7664 Oscar Yes. Sorry about that.
51416 9 14 Vandalism 7664 Angela It was all my fault.
51417 9 14 Vandalism 7664 Senator Let's all try to do better next time. Kevin, great to see you.
51418 9 14 Vandalism 7664 Kevin Yeah. Thank you for the food. Oh, and also, you suck.
51419 9 14 Vandalism 7664 Senator I beg your pardon.
51420 9 14 Vandalism 7664 Kevin You are like a terrible person. These guys care about you and you're just using them. Again, the food was very good.
51421 9 14 Vandalism 7665 Pam Well, I'm gonna say something to the producers.
51422 9 14 Vandalism 7665 Brian No. No, it's...
51423 9 14 Vandalism 7665 Pam You shouldn't be fired. I mean, you were just protecting me.
51424 9 14 Vandalism 7665 Brian It's all good. I knew what I was doing. It's... I'm sorry about your mural, though. I mean, because you put so much into that.
51425 9 14 Vandalism 7665 Pam Forget about my mural. It's stupid.
51426 9 14 Vandalism 7665 Brian No. You, you worked hard on that. That guy's an animal. I'm glad they're firing him too.
51427 9 14 Vandalism 7665 Pam It's crazy. Brian, I'm so sorry.
51428 9 14 Vandalism 7665 Brian Look. I don't, I don't wanna put myself where I don't belong. If you ever need me, you just call me. And I'll be there for you.
51429 9 14 Vandalism 7665 Pam Thanks, Brian.
51430 9 14 Vandalism 7665 Brian Seeya.
51431 9 14 Vandalism 7666 Jim Wow. This whole Philly thing has been so much fun that I may have lost sight of what really matters. I mean, having fun is not nearly as important as being good to the people who you really care about. I mean, that's just 'Roommates 101'.
51432 9 14 Vandalism 7667 Darryl Oh. Come on!
51433 9 14 Vandalism 7667 Jim Oh. Oh!
51434 9 14 Vandalism 7667 Darryl Damn!
51435 9 14 Vandalism 7667 Jim You win. How good did that feel?
51436 9 14 Vandalism 7667 Darryl That felt really good, actually.
51437 9 15 Couples Discount 7668 Pam Hey. I feel so lucky we're in the same city for Valentine's Day.
51438 9 15 Couples Discount 7668 Jim It's like magic. Or, it's like me getting on my hands and knees and begging my partners to switch a Tuesday for a Thursday.
51439 9 15 Couples Discount 7668 Pam Alakazam!
51440 9 15 Couples Discount 7668 Jim By the way, they do need an extra day next week.
51441 9 15 Couples Discount 7668 Pam And, poof! He disappears.
51442 9 15 Couples Discount 7669 Erin Hey! Wanna play hookey today?
51443 9 15 Couples Discount 7669 Pete Oh, maybe. What do you have in mind?
51444 9 15 Couples Discount 7669 Erin We can do anything you want.
51445 9 15 Couples Discount 7670 Erin I really wanna have fun today because tomorrow is going to be a nightmare. Andy's coming back from his stupid, dumb boat trip. He's been rude. He's been selfish. I think he's a big jerk. And I'm breaking up with him. Bam, Andy! How do you like me now?... I hope as a friend.
51446 9 15 Couples Discount 7671 Pete Erin says she's gonna break up with Andy, but I'm not sure. He's coming back tomorrow and surprise, today, she wants to do whatever I'd like. You know, when I was a kid, we had a dog who go real sick and we had to 'send him to a farm'. And on his last day, we did everything he loved.
51447 9 15 Couples Discount 7672 Erin Wanna play catch in the parking lot?
51448 9 15 Couples Discount 7672 Pete Sure.
51449 9 15 Couples Discount 7672 Erin Great.
51450 9 15 Couples Discount 7672 Pete I'll get my coat.
51451 9 15 Couples Discount 7672 Erin Perfect.
51452 9 15 Couples Discount 7673 Dwight Come in.
51453 9 15 Couples Discount 7673 Dwight Andy, hi. I just made another huge sale for the company that you manage. I need you to authorize that expense report and sign off on that contract.
51454 9 15 Couples Discount 7673 Dwight I would be happy to. It would be my pleasure, Mr. Schrute. Rick-a-dick-doo, rick-a-dick-dick-dick, rick-a-dick-doo.
51455 9 15 Couples Discount 7674 Dwight I really like Andy these days. He's pretend and he does exactly as I tell him to. All that will change when real Andy comes back tomorrow. Unless he comes back as pretend Dwight. In which case, we're in for an epic, confusing showdown.
51456 9 15 Couples Discount 7675 Kevin Andy left a carton of milk in the fridge. So, I've been sneaking a little bit every day for the last three months. It's been yummy. But now, Andy's coming back. So, I guess it's goodbye chunky, lemon milk.
51457 9 15 Couples Discount 7676 Kevin OK, I'll say it. I wish Andy had stayed on his trip.
51458 9 15 Couples Discount 7676 Nellie I say we all have one last fun boss-less day.
51459 9 15 Couples Discount 7676 Meredith Yeah, let's get some booze and some cocaine and just blow it out. No consequences.
51460 9 15 Couples Discount 7676 Phyllis Or the mini mall. They have all these Valentine Day deals. You can get 20% off if you come in with your husband or your boyfriend. But, I mean, if you don't have one of those you can probably just bring whoever it is you use to kill your loneliness.
51461 9 15 Couples Discount 7676 Stanley Phil, I'll pretend to be your husband. I'm already sick of you, so it'll seem realistic.
51462 9 15 Couples Discount 7676 Phyllis Oh...
51463 9 15 Couples Discount 7676 Angela They have a nail salon there where I get my feet detailed. They use a watch repair kit.
51464 9 15 Couples Discount 7676 Kevin Ew! I'll be your foot buddy.
51465 9 15 Couples Discount 7676 Nellie Everyone, it is our last day here with no manager. I say we go to the mini mall. Clark, you will be my fake boyfriend so I can get the discount.
51466 9 15 Couples Discount 7676 Clark It's what I do.
51467 9 15 Couples Discount 7676 Oscar Darryl, everyone seems to be pairing off. Do you want to pretend to be a couple so we get the...
51468 9 15 Couples Discount 7676 Darryl No... yes, yes. Why wouldn't I... wanna pretend to be gay? Got no problem with that.
51469 9 15 Couples Discount 7676 Oscar All right, it'll be easy. Don't be nervous, just follow my...
51470 9 15 Couples Discount 7676 Darryl Stop talking 'bout it. I said I'm fine with it.
51471 9 15 Couples Discount 7677 Pam These are gross.
51472 9 15 Couples Discount 7677 Jim They are terrible.
51473 9 15 Couples Discount 7677 Pam Oh, hey, don't fill up on chocolates. I made us a lunch reservation at State Street Grill.
51474 9 15 Couples Discount 7677 Jim Oh my god. That's so romantic.
51475 9 15 Couples Discount 7677 Pam It's with Brian and Alyssa.
51476 9 15 Couples Discount 7677 Jim Oh my god. That's less romantic.
51477 9 15 Couples Discount 7677 Pam I know. But we should go. We need to thank him for, you know, saving my life.
51478 9 15 Couples Discount 7677 Jim Yeah, yeah. No, totally. That's good. So, should we just get a bottle of wine later and celebrate?
51479 9 15 Couples Discount 7677 Pam That sounds nice.
51480 9 15 Couples Discount 7678 Jim I'm very excited to see Brian. Brian's a great guy. And Pam and I have gotten really close to he and his wife, Alyssa over the years. And he got fired for protecting my wife from a jerk in the warehouse. I'm sorry, but you know him. He's a good guy.
51481 9 15 Couples Discount 7679 Nail stylist 1 Oh, tiny, poor lady is back. Oh, get the baby clipper.
51482 9 15 Couples Discount 7679 Nail stylist 2 You take off your glasses.
51483 9 15 Couples Discount 7679 Clark 'Kay.
51484 9 15 Couples Discount 7679 Nellie What?
51485 9 15 Couples Discount 7679 Nail stylist 2 Your boyfriend. He look like a pretty girl.
51486 9 15 Couples Discount 7679 Nellie My boyfriend does look like a pretty girl, doesn't he? Yes, a very little pretty girl. And you know what, now that you are developing, we should go and get you a training bra.
51487 9 15 Couples Discount 7679 Clark Oh, you guys think this is funny? You know what? No more discount. Excuse me. Full price. We're not together.
51488 9 15 Couples Discount 7679 Nellie Oh, come on!
51489 9 15 Couples Discount 7679 Clark She's living a lie.
51490 9 15 Couples Discount 7680 Nellie Turns out, I can't even be in a pretend relationship.
51491 9 15 Couples Discount 7681 Oscar Hi. We'd like a couples discount on a pair of foot massages.
51492 9 15 Couples Discount 7681 Nail manager No. No discount for two men. Two men are not a couple.
51493 9 15 Couples Discount 7681 Oscar We are together. Romantically.
51494 9 15 Couples Discount 7681 Nail manager Two men? Doesn't work. No discount.
51495 9 15 Couples Discount 7681 Darryl Oh, it works. Him and me, all right, we are crazy in love. More love than your small mind can comprehend. And we have two disposable incomes. And no kids. And we're taking our business elsewhere.
51496 9 15 Couples Discount 7682 Jim Hey, Brian.
51497 9 15 Couples Discount 7682 Brian Hey.
51498 9 15 Couples Discount 7682 Pam Sorry we're late.
51499 9 15 Couples Discount 7682 Brian Oh, uh, no problem. I finished all the bread.
51500 9 15 Couples Discount 7682 Pam Ha,ha,ha, yeah OK.
51501 9 15 Couples Discount 7682 Jim What?
51502 9 15 Couples Discount 7682 Pam He's on a no carb thing. Supposedly.
51503 9 15 Couples Discount 7682 Jim Oh.
51504 9 15 Couples Discount 7682 Brian It's, uh, great to see you guys. Thanks for coming.
51505 9 15 Couples Discount 7682 Pam Yeah.
51506 9 15 Couples Discount 7682 Jim Are you kidding? Thank you, man. I mean, I've wanted the opportunity to say thanks for... everything. And I'm really sorry about the job. That just seems crazy.
51507 9 15 Couples Discount 7682 Brian It's fine. What are you gonna do, you know? But, if you guys know of any work, I'm fully available.
51508 9 15 Couples Discount 7682 Pam Well, my dad can't hear a thing. You could boom his whole life for him.
51509 9 15 Couples Discount 7682 Brian That's... OK, great. Does he pay well?
51510 9 15 Couples Discount 7682 Pam Where's Alyssa?
51511 9 15 Couples Discount 7682 Brian Uh, yeah. Um, you know, Alyssa's, she's not gonna make it today.
51512 9 15 Couples Discount 7682 Pam Oh.
51513 9 15 Couples Discount 7682 Brian Actually, we're not gonna make it. Um... we're splitting up.
51514 9 15 Couples Discount 7683 Dwight I have yet another sales order for you to sign.
51515 9 15 Couples Discount 7683 Dwight Why thank you Mr. Schrute. I don't know how you do it. You're a god. Rick-a-dick-dick-doo.
51516 9 15 Couples Discount 7683 Andy Hi Dwight.
51517 9 15 Couples Discount 7683 Dwight You're back. And you're disgusting.
51518 9 15 Couples Discount 7684 Phyllis Ah, geez. My nails aren't dry yet. I don't think I can work for at least a couple hours.
51519 9 15 Couples Discount 7684 Andy Well, well, well, look who it is.
51520 9 15 Couples Discount 7684 Phyllis Andy.
51521 9 15 Couples Discount 7684 Andy I guess I can cancel my order from Zappos.com because, oh, the loafers have arrived.
51522 9 15 Couples Discount 7684 Erin Andy!
51523 9 15 Couples Discount 7684 Andy Hey! Sweetheart! I have missed you so much.
51524 9 15 Couples Discount 7684 Erin Yes. Welcome back, buddy.
51525 9 15 Couples Discount 7684 Andy I have been dreaming of this moment.
51526 9 15 Couples Discount 7684 Erin Me too. So much. I'm so happy.
51527 9 15 Couples Discount 7685 Erin I am really, really bad at break ups. Technically, I'm still dating my first grade boyfriend. I mean, we just had our 20th anniversary. And, I forgot to get him something.
51528 9 15 Couples Discount 7686 Oscar What happened? We thought you were coming back tomorrow.
51529 9 15 Couples Discount 7686 Andy Well, Valentine's surprise for Erin. Hello? Super romantic. And I got you something. Oh, it's a couple of pieces of bamboo. Big deal, right? No. These are musical instruments. It's so we can play island music together. Cause I have this. Clop the cloppers. Yeah, clop 'em. It's called Bembe.
51530 9 15 Couples Discount 7686 Dwight Hey, Burning Man, if it's not selling out too much, you might want to throw on a tie. David Wallace is gonna be here in an hour.
51531 9 15 Couples Discount 7686 Andy Obviously, that's why I'm here. I mean, I came back early to surprise Erin. Happy Valentine's Day, sweetheart. But, I'm just saying, I'm also excited about the Wallace meeting.
51532 9 15 Couples Discount 7686 Clark Why? Isn't he just coming in to rip you a new one for being gone three months?
51533 9 15 Couples Discount 7686 Dwight No. Please. Come on, Clark. Wallace knows that he's been gone for the last three months. Right? Wallace does know that you've been gone for the last three months?
51534 9 15 Couples Discount 7686 Andy I have no idea. I don't know what he knows or doesn't know. But we've been in touch the whole time. I mean, it's not hard to get high-speed internet in Turks de Caicos, people. It's in every Bembe cafe.
51535 9 15 Couples Discount 7687 Erin He only emailed me four times.
51536 9 15 Couples Discount 7688 Andy Question. Where's Jim?
51537 9 15 Couples Discount 7688 Phyllis He and Pam are having their Valentine's Day lunch.
51538 9 15 Couples Discount 7688 Andy For two hours? Really?
51539 9 15 Couples Discount 7688 Oscar So, you're concerned about peoples' long absence from their place of work?
51540 9 15 Couples Discount 7688 Andy If the shoe fits.
51541 9 15 Couples Discount 7689 Brian We were telling two different versions of the same story. And then, everything just went numb.
51542 9 15 Couples Discount 7689 Jim Well, I mean, that's OK. It doesn't mean that it's over. Right? I mean, couples fight.
51543 9 15 Couples Discount 7689 Brian Yeah. That's the thing. When we were fighting, it weirdly felt like the relationship was still alive. And, it wasn't until we stopped fighting that, we realized that it was over. You know, it's over. I'm sorry, this is... oh my god, OK. We have to stop seeing each other like this. We have to find a different way to communicate other than breaking down in front of each other.
51544 9 15 Couples Discount 7689 Pam Yeah.
51545 9 15 Couples Discount 7689 Jim What?
51546 9 15 Couples Discount 7689 Brian At least my crying won't get you fired.
51547 9 15 Couples Discount 7689 Jim Crying?
51548 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Andy I noticed that you landed the Scranton White Pages account. That is tremendous.
51549 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Dwight Thank you.
51550 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Andy And you sold it to Jan too.
51551 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Dwight Yes!
51552 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Andy I mean... I'm impressed.
51553 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Dwight Yeah!
51554 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Andy Well, there's one problem. Couldn't help but notice that you offered a price point that was not approved by the head office. So... gotta run that stuff by me, Dwight.
51555 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Dwight You were on a boat.
51556 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Andy I was...
51557 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Dwight On a boat.
51558 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Andy hat...
51559 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Dwight In the ocean.
51560 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Andy OK. The issue is that you need to run this stuff by me. Coolio? Are we coolio? Just say the word 'coolio'.
51561 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Dwight I'm not gonna say it.
51562 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Andy Say it.
51563 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Dwight Not a word.
51564 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Andy Coolio.
51565 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Dwight No! What do you think you're doing?
51566 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Andy Just gonna call the Scranton White Pages and clear this right up.
51567 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Dwight Don't you dare! Andy!
51568 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Jan Hello?
51569 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Andy Hey, Jan. Nard dog here.
51570 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Jan Oh, Andy.
51571 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Andy I was just looking over the paperwork. I found a little hiccup.
51572 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Jan Really?
51573 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Andy Yeah. It appears my employee offered you a price that he was not authorized to.
51574 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Jan Hmm.
51575 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Dwight Coolio.
51576 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Jan Seriously? You're calling me a few weeks after finalizing our contract to gouge me now for more money? Is that what you're doing?
51577 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Dwight Coolio. Coolio.
51578 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Andy No. No, no, no Jan I think you misunderstood.
51579 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Jan Yeah.
51580 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Dwight Coolio.
51581 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Andy It, it's, it's actually just an issue...
51582 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Jan You know what? You know what, uh, Nard dog? There is an option in the contract that allows me to back out within 30 days of signing. So, I would like to exercise that option.
51583 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Dwight No, Jan! Please do not listen to this boob! Remember Clark. He gave you everything. Everything.
51584 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Andy Jan, I don't know what he's talking about but...
51585 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Jan Tell Angela to send me a final invoice.
51586 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Andy Well, ah, ah...
51587 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Dwight Please Ja, Ja...
51588 9 15 Couples Discount 7690 Andy Aw! That was not how I had hoped that would go.
51589 9 15 Couples Discount 7691 Andy Hey, everybody, great job. Listen, we're a smidge behind on my paychecks.
51590 9 15 Couples Discount 7691 Angela Yes, well, as you know, we get paid on Fridays. And you haven't been here for 12 Fridays.
51591 9 15 Couples Discount 7691 Andy All right. Thank you very much. Looking good. Who's that little fella?
51592 9 15 Couples Discount 7691 Angela It's a bonus check. For you. From Wallace. Because the branch exceeded it's targets over the past quarter.
51593 9 15 Couples Discount 7691 Andy Wow, that's wonderful!
51594 9 15 Couples Discount 7691 Oscar A quarter's three months. That's how long you've been gone.
51595 9 15 Couples Discount 7691 Andy Uh-huh.
51596 9 15 Couples Discount 7691 Angela Uh-huh.
51597 9 15 Couples Discount 7691 Andy Uh-huh... Uh-huh. Thank you. Great. Well, we're all up to speed.
51598 9 15 Couples Discount 7692 Dwight Two seconds of the turd dog and he loses the biggest sale this branch has ever seen.
51599 9 15 Couples Discount 7692 Clark Do you have any idea what I had to do to get that sale from Jan? I mean, I went all out. All out. I mean like everything was out the whole week.
51600 9 15 Couples Discount 7692 Kevin He just waltzes back in here like he owns the chunky, lemon milk. Who needs him, right?
51601 9 15 Couples Discount 7692 Dwight God! I just don't know what we'd do. I mean, short of telling David Wallace that he was gone for three months.
51602 9 15 Couples Discount 7693 Dwight I'd like to rat out Andy. Unfortunately, I have a bit of a boy-who-cried-wolf dynamic with David Wallace. Except, instead of a boy, I'm a man. And instead of a wolf, I cried genetically-engineered monster wolf.
51603 9 15 Couples Discount 7694 Nellie I'm not going to rat on him. No, Andy gave me a second chance. So, the least I could do is let somebody else rat on him. Meredith, why don't you?
51604 9 15 Couples Discount 7694 Meredith Meredith Palmer ain't never been called no nark. Floozy? Yes. Alkie? Check. Einstein sarcastically? You bet. But never no nark. Vomit mop? Sure. Floor meat? That's me. Flesh hoover?
51605 9 15 Couples Discount 7694 Erin Hey!
51606 9 15 Couples Discount 7694 Pete Meredith, that's plenty. All right? That's more than plenty. Why does no one stop her?
51607 9 15 Couples Discount 7694 Erin Guys. I know that a lot of people are mad at Andy and, believe me, I am too. But, he has been through a lot and we all used to love him, right? So, if he's gonna get in trouble, just let it be his fault not ours. I don't want that on my hands.
51608 9 15 Couples Discount 7694 Dwight Fine! The state he's in, Wallace will take one look at him and probably fire him anyway.
51609 9 15 Couples Discount 7694 Andy What's going on in here, dirty players? Let's get back to busting some paper rhymes. Come on. Who's that girl? Who's that girl? It's Andy! All right. Back to work.
51610 9 15 Couples Discount 7695 Pam OK, I can tell you're mad at me. Do you wanna just, um, I don't know, tell me why?
51611 9 15 Couples Discount 7695 Jim I don't know. I thought that was a little weird. You told me Brian got fired for the whole warehouse thing. And you intentionally left out a kind of major, intimate detail. I don't know, Pam, I guess I just feel like a chump. Who knows less about his marriage than the sound guy.
51612 9 15 Couples Discount 7695 Pam I didn't tell you about the crying because I didn't want you to know how upset I was. Because it would've stressed you out and you're always saying how much you don't want more stress.
51613 9 15 Couples Discount 7695 Jim Yeah, well. Yeah, OK. Well, then thank you. Thanks to both of you.
51614 9 15 Couples Discount 7695 Pam It's not Brian's fault.
51615 9 15 Couples Discount 7695 Jim No, you're right. And, and I'm not mad at Brian. And to be honest, I probably don't have any reason to be mad at all because I wasn't there. So, let's just forget about it.
51616 9 15 Couples Discount 7695 Pam OK.
51617 9 15 Couples Discount 7696 Andy I need you guys to tell me all the highlights from the last three months in case David asks. Just a few things I could sprinkle into conversation. Any big sales or office gossip.
51618 9 15 Couples Discount 7696 Dwight Well, we had the Scranton White Pages.
51619 9 15 Couples Discount 7696 Andy Not helpful. Let's stay positive, people. OK?
51620 9 15 Couples Discount 7696 David Wallace Hey guys.
51621 9 15 Couples Discount 7696 Andy Hey! David! How are ya? Ah, we were just having our weekly round table where we motivate each other. Not gonna lie, I get as much out of it as they do.
51622 9 15 Couples Discount 7696 David Wallace Sounds great. Don't let me interrupt. What ever you guys have been doing this last quarter, I couldn't be happier with the numbers.
51623 9 15 Couples Discount 7696 Andy Thank you.
51624 9 15 Couples Discount 7696 David Wallace Well, finish up. I'm gonna meet with Val about that warehouse guy you had to let go and you and I will talk in 15 minutes?
51625 9 15 Couples Discount 7696 Andy Great!
51626 9 15 Couples Discount 7696 David Wallace Great job, everybody!
51627 9 15 Couples Discount 7696 Andy We had to let a warehouse guy go?!
51628 9 15 Couples Discount 7696 Kevin You know Pam's mural? Well, Frank...
51629 9 15 Couples Discount 7696 Dwight ... lit the whole thing on fire. It was crazy.
51630 9 15 Couples Discount 7696 Andy What?!
51631 9 15 Couples Discount 7696 Dwight Yeah.
51632 9 15 Couples Discount 7696 Andy There was a fire in the warehouse?
51633 9 15 Couples Discount 7696 Dwight The whole thing is in ashes. Fire department was here. It was in all the papers.
51634 9 15 Couples Discount 7696 Kevin Whoa.
51635 9 15 Couples Discount 7696 Andy This is what I'm talking about! This would be good to know. All right, what else?
51636 9 15 Couples Discount 7696 Phyllis We started selling balloons.
51637 9 15 Couples Discount 7696 Andy What?!
51638 9 15 Couples Discount 7696 Clark Yeah. And, uh, Kathy Ireland signed on as the official spokes-babe of Dunder-Mifflin.
51639 9 15 Couples Discount 7696 Andy No kidding?
51640 9 15 Couples Discount 7696 Clark Yeah. In the European billboards, she's gonna be topless.
51641 9 15 Couples Discount 7696 Andy Wow. Go Kathy. She's like 50.
51642 9 15 Couples Discount 7696 Clark They're tasteful.
51643 9 15 Couples Discount 7696 Andy Good, good. What else?
51644 9 15 Couples Discount 7697 Andy Who knew the balloon game would be so lucrative? And thank god, right? We needed the income after the fire.
51645 9 15 Couples Discount 7697 David Wallace What fire?
51646 9 15 Couples Discount 7697 Andy The warehouse fire. Weren't you just down there? It's like burnt to ashes.
51647 9 15 Couples Discount 7697 David Wallace It looked fine to me.
51648 9 15 Couples Discount 7697 Andy I am speaking metaphorically, of course. You know I have lots of irons in quote-unquote fire. Well, that's one of them. You know, making sure that the warehouse logistics is a well-oiled, properly-stoked fire.
51649 9 15 Couples Discount 7697 David Wallace OK.
51650 9 15 Couples Discount 7697 Andy I think you'll agree I explained that pretty well.
51651 9 15 Couples Discount 7698 David Wallace Thanks, Andy.
51652 9 15 Couples Discount 7698 Andy Thank you.
51653 9 15 Couples Discount 7698 David Wallace All right. Everyone!
51654 9 15 Couples Discount 7699 Erin Fish sounds great.
51655 9 15 Couples Discount 7699 Andy Yeah, I guess.
51656 9 15 Couples Discount 7699 Erin Really playing the scales, huh?
51657 9 15 Couples Discount 7699 Andy Yeah, it just sort of sounds like noise to me now. You think I need a new fish?
51658 9 15 Couples Discount 7699 Erin I don't love you anymore.
51659 9 15 Couples Discount 7699 Andy What?
51660 9 15 Couples Discount 7699 Erin I still like you, but you were gone a really long time. And, you didn't really email me all that much. You retweeted me, a lot to be fair. But I don't love you.
51661 9 15 Couples Discount 7699 Andy OK, I get it. You're unhappy. I've been gone a long time and we lost a little bit of juju. But, you and me, we have a future. There is a lot of love here.
51662 9 15 Couples Discount 7699 Erin I just said there isn't love.
51663 9 15 Couples Discount 7699 Andy On your side. But there's tons on my side. It's gushing. We're just out of sync right now. But that's just timing, it's timing. I mean, my parents lasted 38, 40 years. They were never happy at the same time.
51664 9 15 Couples Discount 7699 Erin I guess.
51665 9 15 Couples Discount 7699 Andy I mean, what do we have left? 35, maybe 40 years? If we're lucky. I mean, I have spent a lot of time in the sun.
51666 9 15 Couples Discount 7699 Erin You got really sunburned.
51667 9 15 Couples Discount 7699 Andy I'm gonna be a prune in like, 3 years.
51668 9 15 Couples Discount 7699 Erin Ugh.
51669 9 15 Couples Discount 7699 Andy I know you may not be feeling love for me right now but, if you fake it, I won't be able to tell the difference. So, I'll feel good. And then, eventually, maybe, you'll actually start to love me again.
51670 9 15 Couples Discount 7699 Erin You really think we can get that back?
51671 9 15 Couples Discount 7699 Andy Yes. Come on. Totally.
51672 9 15 Couples Discount 7700 Jim You know what? Maybe we should cancel that bottle of wine tonight.
51673 9 15 Couples Discount 7700 Pam Oh?
51674 9 15 Couples Discount 7700 Jim Yeah. I just feel like I got a bunch of stuff to do in Philly and I'm sure you have stuff to do. So we can just... I don't know, drop me at the bus station?
51675 9 15 Couples Discount 7700 Pam Are you sure?
51676 9 15 Couples Discount 7700 Jim I just feel like we're gonna fight.
51677 9 15 Couples Discount 7700 Pam Yeah.
51678 9 15 Couples Discount 7700 Jim So... how 'bout let's not?
51679 9 15 Couples Discount 7700 Pam OK.
51680 9 15 Couples Discount 7700 Jim Oh, um. Happy Valentine's Day. Sorry, I didn't have time to wrap it.
51681 9 15 Couples Discount 7700 Pam Wow. I didn't know you kept this.
51682 9 15 Couples Discount 7700 Jim Yeah, yeah.
51683 9 15 Couples Discount 7700 Pam Thank you.
51684 9 15 Couples Discount 7700 Jim No problem.
51685 9 15 Couples Discount 7700 Pam I don't think you should go to Philly tonight. I think that you should stay and I think we should fight.
51686 9 15 Couples Discount 7700 Jim You really wanna fight on Valentine's Day?
51687 9 15 Couples Discount 7700 Pam Yeah, I do.
51688 9 15 Couples Discount 7700 Jim OK. All right, put your dukes up, Beesly.
51689 9 15 Couples Discount 7701 Erin Hi.
51690 9 15 Couples Discount 7701 Pete Hey, you OK?
51691 9 15 Couples Discount 7701 Erin I couldn't do it.
51692 9 15 Couples Discount 7701 Pete Oh.
51693 9 15 Couples Discount 7701 Erin I'm sorry.
51694 9 15 Couples Discount 7701 Pete Oh, you don't have to apologize. I just... I just want you to be happy. OK?
51695 9 15 Couples Discount 7702 Erin We're breaking up. And just so you know, I was worried that you were dead. You were gone for three months.
51696 9 15 Couples Discount 7702 David Wallace Hey, Andy. It's David. Still here. What was that about three months?
51697 9 16 Moving On 7703 David Wallace ...No, you lied to me Andy. You pretended to be in this office for three months and you were sailing on your boat!
51698 9 16 Moving On 7703 Andy I resent that. I, I never lied to you.
51699 9 16 Moving On 7703 David Really? "Hey David, all is good in Scranton PA."
51700 9 16 Moving On 7703 Andy And all was good in Scranton PA that day.
51701 9 16 Moving On 7703 David "By the way, Oscar says 'hi'"
51702 9 16 Moving On 7703 Andy Oscar says "hi" all the time. He says all kinds of greetings. "Hi" "Hello" "Hola" You're telling me you've never heard Oscar say "hi"?
51703 9 16 Moving On 7703 David Andy.
51704 9 16 Moving On 7703 Andy But you're calling me a liar.
51705 9 16 Moving On 7703 David Andy!
51706 9 16 Moving On 7703 Andy By the way, that reminds me, I want to ask you about some of the lies you've been telling lately.
51707 9 16 Moving On 7703 David Watch it Andy!
51708 9 16 Moving On 7703 Andy Oh, here we go, January seventh 2013. "Hey Andy, all's well. Been meaning to make it down there but my wife's sick." Well, which is it?! Is all well or is your wife sick?! BUSTED!
51709 9 16 Moving On 7703 David My wife?
51710 9 16 Moving On 7703 Andy This has been a really tough time.
51711 9 16 Moving On 7703 David Yeah?
51712 9 16 Moving On 7703 Andy Yeah.
51713 9 16 Moving On 7703 David Has it?
51714 9 16 Moving On 7703 Andy Erin just dumped me and I can't remember any of the aha moments I had on the boat, and I know it sounds weird to say but I really miss my beard.
51715 9 16 Moving On 7703 David Shh.
51716 9 16 Moving On 7703 Andy It was like a security blan-
51717 9 16 Moving On 7703 David Andy.
51718 9 16 Moving On 7703 Andy #NAME?
51719 9 16 Moving On 7703 David Shh. I'm not gonna fire you.
51720 9 16 Moving On 7703 Andy You're not?
51721 9 16 Moving On 7703 David No.
51722 9 16 Moving On 7703 Andy That's awesome.
51723 9 16 Moving On 7703 David I wouldn't own the company if it wasn't for you. So...I owe you that.
51724 9 16 Moving On 7703 Andy David, I'll be there for you. These five words I swear to you. When you breathe, I want to be here for you. I'll be there for you. That's a poem by J.B. Jovi. I want you to have it.
51725 9 16 Moving On 7703 David We are even...now. Understand? Got it?
51726 9 16 Moving On 7703 Andy Crystal.
51727 9 16 Moving On 7703 David You are on very- Hey, very thin ice.
51728 9 16 Moving On 7703 Andy Vanilla. Vanilla Ice. It was a band.
51729 9 16 Moving On 7704 Andy Good morning.
51730 9 16 Moving On 7704 Erin Good morning.
51731 9 16 Moving On 7704 Andy And how are you on this fine-
51732 9 16 Moving On 7705 Andy Ok, we ready? Don't use that part. Last week, Erin told me that our relationship would be proceeding without me. Now I have to see her everyday at work. Which is...brutal. When people say office relationships are a good idea, they never talk about what might happen if you break up.
51733 9 16 Moving On 7706 Andy Ahhh! Oooooh! ahh
51734 9 16 Moving On 7706 Pam He sounds like a wounded animal.
51735 9 16 Moving On 7706 Stanley Should've put him out of his misery and just fired her.
51736 9 16 Moving On 7706 Phyllis I can't be around sad people, it makes me sad.
51737 9 16 Moving On 7706 Stanley I'm the same way with horny people.
51738 9 16 Moving On 7706 Pam Ok.
51739 9 16 Moving On 7707 Erin Yes. Pete and I have started seeing each other and Andy still doesn't know. We thought that keeping it secret was more considerate to him. And hot for us. I mean I saw Pete's butt. It's sick.
51740 9 16 Moving On 7708 Pam Oh that's mine! Um, I'll just, I'll get it out of the way for you.
51741 9 16 Moving On 7709 Pam Jim set up a job interview for me today in Philly. It's um, with a real estate company, which is a great fit for me because I live in a house and I know what a bathroom is. I'm sorry, I am just very nervous because honestly this is all moving a lot faster than I expected. And, and because my resume can fit on a post-it note.
51742 9 16 Moving On 7710 Dwight No, don't just let her eat the grass, she'll puke it right up. OK, just put out two bowls and see which feed she prefers. I'm sorry to be taking up so much of your precious time, Mose, but she's your aunt too. Fine. I'll see what I can do.
51743 9 16 Moving On 7711 Dwight I need you.
51744 9 16 Moving On 7711 Angela Ahh! Dwight!
51745 9 16 Moving On 7711 Dwight And you should take breaks more often, I've been waiting there for 45 minutes.
51746 9 16 Moving On 7711 Angela What? What is it?
51747 9 16 Moving On 7711 Dwight It's my aunt Shirley, she's on her last legs.
51748 9 16 Moving On 7711 Angela Dwight, that's awful.
51749 9 16 Moving On 7711 Dwight You have no idea. I mean her hair, clothes, it's all falling off in great big clumps. And we need someone to go out there and clean her up. We had a nurse, but she quit because she was "poisoned" by Aunt Shirley.
51750 9 16 Moving On 7711 Angela What do you mean by "poisoned"?
51751 9 16 Moving On 7711 Dwight Probably nothing, or strychnine. Or lemonade and strychnine. Which is actually what it was.
51752 9 16 Moving On 7711 Angela Ok, well I'm very sorry about your aunt.
51753 9 16 Moving On 7711 Dwight Thank you.
51754 9 16 Moving On 7711 Angela But I don't see how this is my problem.
51755 9 16 Moving On 7711 Dwight Angela. You owe me one, remember? Now please, she's an old woman Angela. She needs a woman's touch. It's all hanging out-
51756 9 16 Moving On 7711 Angela Ugh.
51757 9 16 Moving On 7711 Dwight And there's parts of her I don't even recognize.
51758 9 16 Moving On 7711 Angela Gah.
51759 9 16 Moving On 7711 Dwight There's this one hanging part in particular, that's some sort of flap.
51760 9 16 Moving On 7711 Angela It's fine.
51761 9 16 Moving On 7711 Dwight It's like a prehensile wing or something, you know?
51762 9 16 Moving On 7711 Angela Ugh! God, I can't. OK, I'll-
51763 9 16 Moving On 7711 Dwight It's a divet...
51764 9 16 Moving On 7711 Angela I'll help you!
51765 9 16 Moving On 7711 Dwight ..where it was and it needs, it needs a...
51766 9 16 Moving On 7711 Angela Ugh.
51767 9 16 Moving On 7712 Andy Where are you going?
51768 9 16 Moving On 7712 Pam Uh, not on a three month boat trip.
51769 9 16 Moving On 7712 Andy Wha? Oh, burn. Uh, excuse me. What, everyone can just leave whenever they want now?
51770 9 16 Moving On 7712 Dwight How dare you?
51771 9 16 Moving On 7712 Andy I'm still the boss!
51772 9 16 Moving On 7713 Erin I...
51773 9 16 Moving On 7713 Andy The answer is yes.
51774 9 16 Moving On 7713 Erin ..just have some messages for you.
51775 9 16 Moving On 7713 Andy Are they from you?
51776 9 16 Moving On 7713 Erin Well no, they're from clients.
51777 9 16 Moving On 7713 Andy Well then, I don't want them. You can keep 'em. In fact, you can keep that big blue Nautica sweater, I know how much you love it.
51778 9 16 Moving On 7713 Erin I can't. I-
51779 9 16 Moving On 7713 Andy Nope, I insist upon it. It's an awesome sweater. Some great memories tied up in that thing.
51780 9 16 Moving On 7713 Erin These are messages from clients who want to buy paper.
51781 9 16 Moving On 7713 Andy I don't want to talk about work right now.
51782 9 16 Moving On 7713 Erin Well I only want to talk about work right now.
51783 9 16 Moving On 7713 Andy Then I want my big blue sweater back.
51784 9 16 Moving On 7713 Erin Well, I gave it to the Salvation Army.
51785 9 16 Moving On 7714 Pete I've got the seat adjusted right.
51786 9 16 Moving On 7714 Clark Perfect height, yeah.
51787 9 16 Moving On 7714 Andy She got rid of it. My blue sweater. What is that about?
51788 9 16 Moving On 7714 Pete I was just leaving.
51789 9 16 Moving On 7714 Andy Stay! We are in the bro-zone layer. Ok? Nard dog, Plop and Clarker Posey, AKA Clarkwork Orange. Here's the sitch: Erin dumped me, natch. But she got rid of my blue sweater, which was her favorite. Is she moving on a little fast, or am I being a total psycho? Plop, you go first.
51790 9 16 Moving On 7714 Pete I don't know. Women do tend to move on quicker than men.
51791 9 16 Moving On 7714 Andy Survey says: ENH! Doesn't make me feel better at all. Zero Clark Thirty, what do you got?
51792 9 16 Moving On 7714 Clark Look at it this way, being a bachelor is not all bad. I mean, you've got your freedom now.
51793 9 16 Moving On 7714 Andy Last night I ordered a pizza by myself and I ate it over the sink like a rat.
51794 9 16 Moving On 7714 Clark There you go, good for you.
51795 9 16 Moving On 7714 Andy No.
51796 9 16 Moving On 7714 Clark You just let it all hang out, that's what...
51797 9 16 Moving On 7714 Andy May not seem like it, but this really helped. So, thank you.
51798 9 16 Moving On 7714 Clark I'll give you a hundred dollars to wear that sweater to work tomorrow.
51799 9 16 Moving On 7715 Dwight Aunt Shirley, Hello! It's me Dwight.
51800 9 16 Moving On 7715 Shirley Oh, lookie here. It's big city Dwight. Careful you don't get mud on those fancy town shoes, big city Dwight.
51801 9 16 Moving On 7715 Angela Hello Aunt Shirley.
51802 9 16 Moving On 7715 Shirley Who's this little kitchen witch? She's so tiny like a little kitchen witch.
51803 9 16 Moving On 7715 Dwight This is Angela, and we brought you some new clothes!
51804 9 16 Moving On 7715 Shirley New clothes? What for?
51805 9 16 Moving On 7715 Dwight OK
51806 9 16 Moving On 7715 Angela Oh, God.
51807 9 16 Moving On 7715 Dwight You know what? Before you put the new clothes on, Angela's gonna get you cleaned up a little bit.
51808 9 16 Moving On 7715 Angela Yes. How would you like a nice warm bath?
51809 9 16 Moving On 7715 Shirley How would you like a mean cold slap?
51810 9 16 Moving On 7715 Angela Ow!
51811 9 16 Moving On 7715 Dwight Ok, Aunt Shirley, dear, uh, can I get you a nice crisp liter of schnapps?
51812 9 16 Moving On 7715 Shirley I could do that.
51813 9 16 Moving On 7715 Dwight Ok.
51814 9 16 Moving On 7715 Angela No. No.
51815 9 16 Moving On 7715 Dwight Yeah, trust me.
51816 9 16 Moving On 7715 Angela No.
51817 9 16 Moving On 7715 Dwight It keeps her docile. Go to the kitchen, get the largest receptacle you can find.
51818 9 16 Moving On 7715 Shirley Step on it!
51819 9 16 Moving On 7716 Andy Why doesn't Erin seem sad? Has she found someone new or something? And if so, why hasn't she told me? Is she trying to spare my feelings? During breakups, the mind goes to some crazy dark places.
51820 9 16 Moving On 7717 Phyllis Andy, don't. No good can come from snooping.
51821 9 16 Moving On 7717 Andy I'm not snooping, there's just some crud on her screen.
51822 9 16 Moving On 7717 Oscar You're clearly snooping.
51823 9 16 Moving On 7717 Creed That's kinda uncool, man.
51824 9 16 Moving On 7717 Meredith Ah, come on.
51825 9 16 Moving On 7717 Phyllis Andy!
51826 9 16 Moving On 7717 Oscar That's her private property.
51827 9 16 Moving On 7717 Meredith Tell us!
51828 9 16 Moving On 7717 Andy Uh, hello! Who's snooping on who now?
51829 9 16 Moving On 7717 Phyllis What does that even mean?
51830 9 16 Moving On 7717 Meredith What's it say?
51831 9 16 Moving On 7717 Phyllis Put it down.
51832 9 16 Moving On 7717 Andy Everyone please, just-
51833 9 16 Moving On 7717 Creed It's not cool.
51834 9 16 Moving On 7717 Phyllis Put it down
51835 9 16 Moving On 7717 Oscar Andy. That is her private property.
51836 9 16 Moving On 7717 Meredith Boo.
51837 9 16 Moving On 7717 Andy Oh my god.
51838 9 16 Moving On 7717 Stanley Uh huh.
51839 9 16 Moving On 7717 Phyllis See?
51840 9 16 Moving On 7717 Stanley That's where nosey'll get you.
51841 9 16 Moving On 7717 Phyllis Told you so.
51842 9 16 Moving On 7718 Andy Darryl, Clark, Toby, Kevin, Plop. Take a knee. Alright, you guys are gonna think I'm psycho again. Uh, couldn't shake this feeling that Erin's dating someone so I looked at her phone.
51843 9 16 Moving On 7718 Darryl Man, you can't do that stuff. You'll only find pain. When my ex-wife got into my e-mail account, she was devastated.
51844 9 16 Moving On 7718 Andy Too late. I found out she's been texting a guy named Pete. Does anybody know a Pete?
51845 9 16 Moving On 7718 Kevin Pete...
51846 9 16 Moving On 7718 Clark Hmm.
51847 9 16 Moving On 7718 Kevin Pete what?
51848 9 16 Moving On 7719 Pete It just occurred to me that Andy has been calling me Plop for so long, he forgot my real name. Which is Pete.
51849 9 16 Moving On 7720 Pam hello!
51850 9 16 Moving On 7720 Jim Hey! There she is. How you doin?
51851 9 16 Moving On 7720 Pam Hi! Hey, do I look ok?
51852 9 16 Moving On 7720 Jim You look great.
51853 9 16 Moving On 7720 Pam Ok
51854 9 16 Moving On 7720 Jim Yeah.
51855 9 16 Moving On 7720 Pam What's that? Is that a-
51856 9 16 Moving On 7720 Jim Ok, I know where you're going with this, and this is who I am now. I'm a douche. But look what I can do with my hands.
51857 9 16 Moving On 7720 Isaac Gotta go, VIP just walked through the door.
51858 9 16 Moving On 7720 Pam How are you, Isaac? You have something in your ear.
51859 9 16 Moving On 7720 Isaac It's a phone?
51860 9 16 Moving On 7720 Pam Yes. It is. And thank you so much for setting up this opportunity, I really appreciate it.
51861 9 16 Moving On 7720 Isaac Of course, anything for Team Halpert. You're gonna crush it, Pam.
51862 9 16 Moving On 7720 Pam Thanks.
51863 9 16 Moving On 7720 Jim You are gonna crush it. Wow, I missed you.
51864 9 16 Moving On 7720 Pam Wait, are you saying that into the phone or are you saying that to me.
51865 9 16 Moving On 7720 Jim Call you right back. What were you saying?
51866 9 16 Moving On 7720 Pam Ha ha.
51867 9 16 Moving On 7720 Athlead Coworker Hey, Jim! We've got Trent Edwards on the line.
51868 9 16 Moving On 7720 Jim I've gotta go, but you know what? Team Halpert, ok? You're gonna crush it, you're gonna smash it. OK, good luck!
51869 9 16 Moving On 7720 Pam Bye.
51870 9 16 Moving On 7721 Angela Gosh, she drank so much. And so quickly.
51871 9 16 Moving On 7721 Dwight In her prime, Shirles could put away homemade schnapps morning noon and night.
51872 9 16 Moving On 7721 Dwight Now all it takes is half a liter. She's dreaming. Alright, let's get her out to the yard so you can spray her down.
51873 9 16 Moving On 7721 Angela Spray her down?
51874 9 16 Moving On 7721 Dwight No, it's a lot better than it sounds. There's a private shower area. Very tasteful, very rustic.
51875 9 16 Moving On 7722 Pete Hey.
51876 9 16 Moving On 7722 Andy Come on in. Have a seat. Uh, thanks for coming in, I just gotta get something off my chest. I just got some really weird news and uh, I'm just gonna come out and say it. I just got off the phone with my doctor, and it turns out I contracted shlmydia...from Erin. And it's incurable. Pretty lame huh?
51877 9 16 Moving On 7722 Pete Yeah. You were gone.
51878 9 16 Moving On 7722 Andy I knew it!
51879 9 16 Moving On 7722 Pete For a long time, Andy.
51880 9 16 Moving On 7722 Andy You and Erin are fuhhhhhhherraaaaa!
51881 9 16 Moving On 7722 Pete Andy, just so you know, there was no overlap.
51882 9 16 Moving On 7722 Andy No overlap? Great. Good. Wow. This is suddenly so easy. Guess what? You're fired!
51883 9 16 Moving On 7722 Pete What?
51884 9 16 Moving On 7722 Andy Yeah. You. Are. Fired! One of the perks of being boss. I can fire anyone who steals my girlfriend. And wow, that turns out to be you. Yup. Sorry. So you had a bad day-
51885 9 16 Moving On 7722 Pete Andy?
51886 9 16 Moving On 7722 Andy ..The camera don't lie!
51887 9 16 Moving On 7722 Pete Andy.
51888 9 16 Moving On 7722 Andy You're being an idiot get..
51889 9 16 Moving On 7722 Pete I'm trying..
51890 9 16 Moving On 7722 Andy Out of my office, turns out you're fired...
51891 9 16 Moving On 7722 Pete Andy.
51892 9 16 Moving On 7722 Andy Because you suck.
51893 9 16 Moving On 7722 Pete You can't fire-
51894 9 16 Moving On 7722 Andy And you're fired...
51895 9 16 Moving On 7722 Pete If you want to talk to me
51896 9 16 Moving On 7722 Andy So you had a bad day...
51897 9 16 Moving On 7722 Pete I'll be in the annex.
51898 9 16 Moving On 7722 Andy Rut ti doh doh...
51899 9 16 Moving On 7722 Pete Alright? I'll be in the annex.
51900 9 16 Moving On 7722 Andy Rut tit doh doh...
51901 9 16 Moving On 7722 Pete Toby!
51902 9 16 Moving On 7722 Andy Rut ti doh doo doh
51903 9 16 Moving On 7722 Pete Toby?
51904 9 16 Moving On 7723 Toby You can't fire Pete. You understand why, right?
51905 9 16 Moving On 7723 Andy No.
51906 9 16 Moving On 7723 Toby Oh, Andy, we had this exact same conversation when you wanted to get rid of Nellie. You can't just get rid of people over grudges.
51907 9 16 Moving On 7723 Andy Nellie was a professional grudge. This is a purely personal grudge.
51908 9 16 Moving On 7723 Toby Alright, well look. While I have you here, this is a relationship disclosure form for Pete & Erin.
51909 9 16 Moving On 7723 Andy They already have a contract? "Mutually agree to-" Ah, every phrase is like a dagger in my crotch.
51910 9 16 Moving On 7723 Toby It's just boiler plating, you don't have to read it.
51911 9 16 Moving On 7723 Andy Well, I'm not signing away my rights.
51912 9 16 Moving On 7723 Toby I already signed it. I was just showing you.
51913 9 16 Moving On 7723 Andy Ok, well we'll see about that.
51914 9 16 Moving On 7723 Toby Andy, it's not the original. And destroying it will not stop them from dating. Andy. It's the original.
51915 9 16 Moving On 7724 Mark ... talking Chester avenue, talking triplex, talking converting...Is that her? Hey guys! Say something.
51916 9 16 Moving On 7724 Pam Hello.
51917 9 16 Moving On 7724 Mark Hi, I'm Mark.
51918 9 16 Moving On 7724 Pam Hi, Pam, hello.
51919 9 16 Moving On 7724 Mark I'm the horrible boss around here, but please don't hire Jamie Foxx to kill me. D'Jango! I don't agree with the use of the "N" word in that movie. It's, it's too soon.
51920 9 16 Moving On 7724 Pam I'm Pam Halpert.
51921 9 16 Moving On 7724 Mark Oh, hi. They call me Marky Mark around here, because here at Simon Realty, we are one funky bunch! Come on you guys, raise the roof when I say that! I- what are you all temps again today? Let's go, Gangnam style. He's heard Gangnam style, he knows it. Right? That's cause he's American. This is Carl. Uh, he's from here. Our neck of the woods. But Gangnam style is great, isn't it?
51922 9 16 Moving On 7725 Pam Oh my god. He's Michael Scott.
51923 9 16 Moving On 7726 Shirley Time to get clean!
51924 9 16 Moving On 7726 Dwight It's hosing time Aunt Shirley, have a seat. You're gonna have a hard time hearing her over the roar of the hose.
51925 9 16 Moving On 7726 Angela You have to use chains?
51926 9 16 Moving On 7726 Dwight You'll see. Here we go.
51927 9 16 Moving On 7726 Shirley Let's get this show on the road.
51928 9 16 Moving On 7726 Dwight Let's do it! Ready? Here's a box cutter to get her clothes off.
51929 9 16 Moving On 7726 Angela Dwight!
51930 9 16 Moving On 7726 Dwight Let's get to it.
51931 9 16 Moving On 7726 Angela No! No!
51932 9 16 Moving On 7726 Dwight Give it a whirl.
51933 9 16 Moving On 7726 Angela Dwight, I am not gonna hose your aunt down like some animal.
51934 9 16 Moving On 7726 Shirley Stop your belly-aching and hose me.
51935 9 16 Moving On 7726 Dwight I need you to hose my aunt.
51936 9 16 Moving On 7726 Angela No Dwight!
51937 9 16 Moving On 7726 Dwight OK you are useless.
51938 9 16 Moving On 7726 Angela No, Dwight!
51939 9 16 Moving On 7726 Dwight Give me the hose!
51940 9 16 Moving On 7726 Angela No Dwight, I won't-
51941 9 16 Moving On 7726 Dwight Ahh! OK!
51942 9 16 Moving On 7726 Angela I'm gonna give your aunt a proper bath and a haircut like a lady! And you two are gonna shut up about it! Do you have a bathtub?
51943 9 16 Moving On 7726 Dwight Yes ma'am.
51944 9 16 Moving On 7726 Angela Good.
51945 9 16 Moving On 7727 Mark This is not an office so much as it is a uh, rec room with a bunch of computers in it. Frankly, if I had my way, I'd toss the computers in the gar-bage. But unfortunately we use them for practically everything we do. So. That ain't gonna happen. He's a temp, don't worry about him. Alice! Alright, stay awake ok?
51946 9 16 Moving On 7728 Toby Hey Nellie. Mmm. I am so sick of February. It's the shortest month but it sure doesn't feel that way. We should catch up.
51947 9 16 Moving On 7728 Nellie Um.
51948 9 16 Moving On 7728 Toby Y'know I've been going over my notes from the trial...
51949 9 16 Moving On 7728 Nellie Oh no.
51950 9 16 Moving On 7728 Toby ...feel like I may have glossed over a few...
51951 9 16 Moving On 7728 Nellie No no no no.
51952 9 16 Moving On 7728 Toby ...minor points.
51953 9 16 Moving On 7728 Nellie No. Toby, you cannot keep blathering on about this Scranton Strangler. Do something about it. Get it out of your system, whatever it takes.
51954 9 16 Moving On 7728 Toby I've been drafting a letter.
51955 9 16 Moving On 7728 Nellie For two years! Then what? Another year picking out a stamp? Another six months before you decide to lick it? Just- I don't want to hear it!
51956 9 16 Moving On 7729 Mark My aunt Joan. Oh, uh well, she uh, she worked here before I did, so there's no nepotism involved. In fact, to be honest with you I'm probably a little harder on her than I am on the rest of these people. Ah, cute. Not work on this...work on this months. Ok Nana? Uh, when I say "Chillax" people chillax. Watch this. Hey Roger, chillax! Must not have heard me.
51957 9 16 Moving On 7729 Roger No. I heard you.
51958 9 16 Moving On 7729 Mark Step this way for The Spanish Inquisition! Kids in the Hall. Just, it's not high pressure. Just a little Coffee Talk. Ok? Like butta. Come on in here. Mike Myers.
51959 9 16 Moving On 7729 Pam Oh my god.
51960 9 16 Moving On 7730 Andy Thank you! Thanks, thanks a lot. Really appreciate it. You guys are supposed to have my back. OK? Instead you let a guy named Plop steal my girlfriend.
51961 9 16 Moving On 7730 Meredith Hey boss, I did everything I could. I invited Pete out for drinks, I emailed him shots of my junk....
51962 9 16 Moving On 7730 Andy Ugh.
51963 9 16 Moving On 7730 Meredith Kid doesn't have a romantic bone in his body.
51964 9 16 Moving On 7730 Phyllis Come on Andy, they're a good match.
51965 9 16 Moving On 7730 Andy That doesn't matter. Ok? What matters is that I am hurt! Deep hurt inside of me. I don't care if they're Romeo and freaking Juliet! I feel like the guy that Juliet dated before Romeo. Probably her boss. And guess what? Juliet's boss also had feelings.
51966 9 16 Moving On 7730 Darryl Hey, Andy.
51967 9 16 Moving On 7730 Andy What?!
51968 9 16 Moving On 7730 Darryl You've got a booger bubble going on there.
51969 9 16 Moving On 7730 Andy Sorry.
51970 9 16 Moving On 7730 Darryl It's ok.
51971 9 16 Moving On 7730 Andy My whole life is a booger bubble!
51972 9 16 Moving On 7731 Mark This is a tiny resume. Papa Smurf! Come back to the mushroom. From The Smurfs movie.
51973 9 16 Moving On 7731 Pam Yeah, I've seen that with my kids. Um, it is tiny, but I've actually been commissioned by the City of Scranton to paint a mural-
51974 9 16 Moving On 7731 Mark What does this say here? To ti te per tat... what language is this? Swahili? Oh wait a second, now I can read it.
51975 9 16 Moving On 7731 Pam Oh, cause it was upside down.
51976 9 16 Moving On 7731 Mark You're a good audience.
51977 9 16 Moving On 7731 Pam So um-
51978 9 16 Moving On 7731 Mark Unlike some of these people around here.
51979 9 16 Moving On 7731 Pam Yeah, the um, the city commissioned me to do the-
51980 9 16 Moving On 7731 Mark Yeah, we don't have a lot of call for doodling around here. But I like this resume and here's why. It shows that you stick around. Yeah. You don't jump ship easily. Like a lot of these people. I mean they worship me you know? But do they like me? I mean...you think they like me, Pam?
51981 9 16 Moving On 7731 Pam Yes.
51982 9 16 Moving On 7731 Mark What if Bob Dylan was your boss? I'm gonna do Dylan! Pam Halpert is my name, and I've been at Dunder Mifflin for seven years? Eight years? Eight years, man. Got the Dunder Mifflin blues. Got the Pam Halpert blues. Got the pra- went to the Pratt Institute...You have children?
51983 9 16 Moving On 7731 Pam Two children, yes.
51984 9 16 Moving On 7731 Mark You wrote Art and Painting, kinda the same thing. Kinda the same thing. Sometimes I repeat myself, but that's just being Pam. Well I'm kinda cute and I'm- but I'm married so...leave that be.
51985 9 16 Moving On 7732 Pete Hey. You got a sec to talk?
51986 9 16 Moving On 7732 Andy Kinda painful to chat with you Pete. Ever since the old one-two punch to my scrotum pole. Translation: pen1s. Translation? My manhood.
51987 9 16 Moving On 7732 Pete Yeah. Look, uh I understand breakups are tough. You know, it happens to all of us at some point in life. But you've gotta move on.
51988 9 16 Moving On 7732 Andy Great advice. Thank you, you can leave now.
51989 9 16 Moving On 7732 Erin Listen to him, Andy. He's trying to tell you something that you really need to hear.
51990 9 16 Moving On 7732 Andy Awesome perspective. Thanks for butting in.
51991 9 16 Moving On 7732 Pete Well, I've been where you are now. I dated this girl Alice and it was an ugly breakup. She worked at a marketing agency right next to my house. I'd run into her every day but I had to grow up and deal with it, and I did. We're even Facebook friends now.
51992 9 16 Moving On 7732 Erin See? We can all be friends!
51993 9 16 Moving On 7732 Pete Yeah.
51994 9 16 Moving On 7732 Erin Just, get over it. It doesn't have to be awkward.
51995 9 16 Moving On 7732 Pete I do think we can have a fair....
51996 9 16 Moving On 7733 Andy Yeah, so life gives you lemons and you've just gotta eat them, rinds and all. And if you don't want to eat them? Your ex-girlfriend will shove them down your throat with the help of her hunky new boyfriend. So that's fun.
51997 9 16 Moving On 7734 Mark Nothing to see here! Boss at work. This will be your desk. Right up front. Best seat on the roller coaster, you must be this tall to ride this ride. No pregnant women allowed. Are you? Uh, yeah I don't- not allowed to ask. So...
51998 9 16 Moving On 7734 Pam I am not pr-
51999 9 16 Moving On 7734 Mark You're not.
52000 9 16 Moving On 7734 Pam Pregnant, no.
52001 9 16 Moving On 7734 Mark I didn't ask her if she was pregnant. She just offered it. The last three girls here all got pregnant.
52002 9 16 Moving On 7734 Pam Wow.
52003 9 16 Moving On 7734 Mark Don't be afraid, it's a different chair. I don't want a guy up here. I want to you know, see a woman come in and do a great job. Something that, I have to look out this window, I want someone-
52004 9 16 Moving On 7734 Pam I'm sorry I thought this job was for the position of office manager.
52005 9 16 Moving On 7734 Mark It is. Yeah, you would uh manage this office. Answer the phones and forward the calls and uh you know, go for a coffee run now and again.
52006 9 16 Moving On 7734 Pam So, kinda like a receptionist.
52007 9 16 Moving On 7734 Mark Yeah, like a receptionist, but we call you the office manager because uh, it's less demeaning. By the way, how long are these uh, cameras gonna be following you around? Because I think this is pretty cool. Pretty pretty cool. Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm. Do you like that show?
52008 9 16 Moving On 7734 Pam Yes.
52009 9 16 Moving On 7734 Mark Well, I think they indulge themselves a little too much. I like scripted.
52010 9 16 Moving On 7735 Pam I spent 10 years as a receptionist, to Michael Scott. And I have kids now. And I just, I can't.
52011 9 16 Moving On 7736 Shirley Ow! The braid is too tight.
52012 9 16 Moving On 7736 Angela Oh hush. Loose braids reflect a loose character. Now stay still.
52013 9 16 Moving On 7736 Shirley Yes ma'am.
52014 9 16 Moving On 7736 Angela I think your hair is much too long for your age, by the way.
52015 9 16 Moving On 7736 Shirley Ok.
52016 9 16 Moving On 7736 Angela There.
52017 9 16 Moving On 7736 Shirley Thank you Angela.
52018 9 16 Moving On 7737 Toby I'm going to the prison. This afternoon. I'm gonna talk to the strangler.
52019 9 16 Moving On 7737 Nellie Probably best to use his real name rather than strangler.
52020 9 16 Moving On 7737 Darryl Don't use his real name. George Howard Scubb. It's a devil name.
52021 9 16 Moving On 7737 Toby Well I just wanted to say I'm doing it.
52022 9 16 Moving On 7737 Nellie He's doing it.
52023 9 16 Moving On 7738 Pam hey!
52024 9 16 Moving On 7738 Jim Hey, how'd the interview go?
52025 9 16 Moving On 7738 Pam Oh my gosh, wait until you. This guy was unbelievable. Ok so-
52026 9 16 Moving On 7738 Jim I can't wait to hear about it later. Do you want to come in at eight? And uh, don't eat because I'm ordering in.
52027 9 16 Moving On 7738 Pam Eight? Really?
52028 9 16 Moving On 7738 Jim I'll make it worth your while, I promise.
52029 9 16 Moving On 7738 Pam Sure. I mean, it's Philly. I can kill four hours. So uh, yeah. I'll see you at eight.
52030 9 16 Moving On 7738 Jim Alright, love you.
52031 9 16 Moving On 7738 Pam Love you.
52032 9 16 Moving On 7739 Alice Hi.
52033 9 16 Moving On 7739 Erin Hi.
52034 9 16 Moving On 7739 Alice I'm here from BCI Marketing Consultants to meet with Andrew Bernard.
52035 9 16 Moving On 7739 Erin Yes. The consultant. Andy said you can start right away so I will take you to your desk.
52036 9 16 Moving On 7739 Alice Ok, great. Thanks.
52037 9 16 Moving On 7739 Meredith Fresh meat! Fresh meat!
52038 9 16 Moving On 7739 Erin Just keep walking, don't give her anything. She'll take it and run. I'm Erin by the way.
52039 9 16 Moving On 7739 Alice Nice to meet you. Cute sweater.
52040 9 16 Moving On 7739 Erin Oh, thanks. Your shoes match. I'm bad at small talk.
52041 9 16 Moving On 7739 Kevin I'm Kevin.
52042 9 16 Moving On 7739 Alice Pete?
52043 9 16 Moving On 7739 Pete Alice. Oh man.
52044 9 16 Moving On 7739 Alice It's uh, been a while, huh?
52045 9 16 Moving On 7739 Erin What, do you two know each other?
52046 9 16 Moving On 7739 Pete Yeah. We uh, have a history.
52047 9 16 Moving On 7739 Erin Oh.
52048 9 16 Moving On 7739 Alice History. Wow, ok. We dated for two years.
52049 9 16 Moving On 7739 Erin That's so random.
52050 9 16 Moving On 7739 Pete Well. Is it?
52051 9 16 Moving On 7739 Erin Andy also hired a management consultant today. Oh no.
52052 9 16 Moving On 7739 Creed Hey Erin, look who's back. The bird man.
52053 9 16 Moving On 7739 Gabe Hello beautiful.
52054 9 16 Moving On 7739 Kevin Didn't you two used to do it?
52055 9 16 Moving On 7739 Gabe We absolutely did. Thank you for remembering that.
52056 9 16 Moving On 7739 Creed She's looking good.
52057 9 16 Moving On 7740 Toby Hi, I'm uh, Toby Flenderson. I'm here to see George Howard Scubb.
52058 9 16 Moving On 7741 Toby This is the prison. Uh, I am not going in there with expectations, per say. Uh, I will meet George Howard Scubb. I will tell him that I believe he is innocent. I would understand if he felt motivated to hug me. I would understand if a friendship began. How did, how did Bogart put it? I think this is a start of my first friendship.
52059 9 16 Moving On 7742 Clark So Pete was a librarian?
52060 9 16 Moving On 7742 Alice He worked as a librarian freshman year.
52061 9 16 Moving On 7742 Clark Was he like the sexy librarian?
52062 9 16 Moving On 7742 Pete Ok.
52063 9 16 Moving On 7742 Alice Is there like somebody who's in charge of marketing? Maybe I should sit near him or her.
52064 9 16 Moving On 7742 Andy Hi.
52065 9 16 Moving On 7742 Alice Hi.
52066 9 16 Moving On 7742 Andy Hi, how's it going?
52067 9 16 Moving On 7742 Alice Hi. Good. I'd love to discuss strategy with you if you have a marketing p-
52068 9 16 Moving On 7742 Andy Wow this sure is intense. Having to share a workspace with someone you used to get it on with?
52069 9 16 Moving On 7742 Pete Andy, that is really inappropriate.
52070 9 16 Moving On 7742 Andy Awkward.
52071 9 16 Moving On 7742 Pete It is awkward. This is a really uncomfortable situation that you've contrived.
52072 9 16 Moving On 7742 Andy Really uncomfortable situation.
52073 9 16 Moving On 7742 Pete Yeah.
52074 9 16 Moving On 7742 Andy It's alright Pete, you can handle it. I mean we all just gotta "move on". Ain't that right professor lecture much? Uh, question. How's that medicine taste? Your own flavored? Is it just me or have these tables turned? Hmm. Hmm.
52075 9 16 Moving On 7742 Alice So there's no marketing department.
52076 9 16 Moving On 7742 Clark No.
52077 9 16 Moving On 7742 Pete No.
52078 9 16 Moving On 7743 Gabe You know, times were tough. I was unemployed, I was still heart-broken over you, I've lost a good fifty pounds. But as you can see I put all that weight right back on. Feel how fat my buttocks are. Yeah, it's crazy. Touch it. It's like a warm pumpkin.
52079 9 16 Moving On 7743 Erin So Andy just called you up out of the blue?
52080 9 16 Moving On 7743 Gabe Yeah. He told me you two broke up.
52081 9 16 Moving On 7743 Erin Yeah.
52082 9 16 Moving On 7743 Gabe You must be pretty horny.
52083 9 16 Moving On 7744 Nellie well, the good news is no more guilty conscience. At least you know he is the strangler. The proof is in the grip. Did they say when the vocal cords would heal? One week? Ok, two weeks? Ok. You offered your neck in search of the truth. The proud neck of justice. Isn't that the expression? No. Well, anyway, it was, it was very brave. It really was quite brave.
52084 9 16 Moving On 7745 Shirley I feel like a show pony.
52085 9 16 Moving On 7745 Dwight And you look like one too. Thank you Angela.
52086 9 16 Moving On 7745 Angela You're welcome. Would you like some stew?
52087 9 16 Moving On 7745 Dwight By all means. And I will carve the roast skunk. Angela?
52088 9 16 Moving On 7745 Angela Mmhm.
52089 9 16 Moving On 7745 Dwight Would you like the stink sack?
52090 9 16 Moving On 7745 Angela Is it any good?
52091 9 16 Moving On 7745 Dwight No, you don't eat it. It's a toy, like a wish bone. You know, prettiest girl gets the stink sack.
52092 9 16 Moving On 7745 Angela Thank you.
52093 9 16 Moving On 7745 Shirley So, when's the wedding?
52094 9 16 Moving On 7745 Angela Oh, um actually uh, we are just friends.
52095 9 16 Moving On 7745 Shirley That's what Mose said about his lady scarecrow and look what he did to that poor thing.
52096 9 16 Moving On 7746 Pam Hello?
52097 9 16 Moving On 7746 Jim Hey! Back here.
52098 9 16 Moving On 7746 Pam Oh, wow. Seriously? Oh my gosh, is that champagne?
52099 9 16 Moving On 7746 Jim Si, senor.
52100 9 16 Moving On 7746 Pam Oh, Jim I should have told you I didn't get the job.
52101 9 16 Moving On 7746 Jim Oh man. I'm so sorry. Are you alright?
52102 9 16 Moving On 7746 Pam Oh, yeah. I'm more than alright. There's just nothing to celebrate.
52103 9 16 Moving On 7746 Jim Are you kidding? We're in Philly. We're having dinner together. And this is just consolation champagne. It's from the part of France that immediately gave up to the Nazis. Here.
52104 9 16 Moving On 7746 Pam You're very quick on your feet. I remember you. Funny.
52105 9 16 Moving On 7746 Jim Alright. So, tell me all about it.
52106 9 16 Moving On 7747 Dwight Ok. Well, gosh. Thank you for your help today. Your perspective was very useful. Thank you.
52107 9 16 Moving On 7747 Angela It was not an unpleasant way to spend an afternoon. Dwight, Dwight.
52108 9 16 Moving On 7747 Dwight Right. Not outside. The horseflies. You know what? My farm is only a few acres East of here. Or, we could use the slaughterhouse.
52109 9 16 Moving On 7747 Angela No, Dwight. The Senator.
52110 9 16 Moving On 7747 Dwight Leave him. He probably won't even notice that you're gone. Be with me, Monkey.
52111 9 16 Moving On 7747 Angela I can't be your monkey, Dwight.
52112 9 16 Moving On 7747 Dwight I'm not talking about some frisky romp in the warehouse. We have wasted too much of our lives ignoring the fact that we belong together. The eighty or ninety years that I have left in this life...I want to spend with you.
52113 9 16 Moving On 7747 Angela I made a vow. I gave my word.
52114 9 16 Moving On 7747 Dwight Stand by your man. It's what I would want if you were mine.
52115 9 16 Moving On 7747 Angela Good night, D.
52116 9 16 Moving On 7748 Erin How are you doing? Is it really rough?
52117 9 16 Moving On 7748 Pete It is so unpleasant. You?
52118 9 16 Moving On 7748 Andy Hey, love turds. Conference room, now.
52119 9 16 Moving On 7749 Andy Thank you all for coming in. Just wanted to check in. How is everyone's day?
52120 9 16 Moving On 7749 Gabe Honestly, it was a little weird.
52121 9 16 Moving On 7749 Andy Really? Hmm. That's interesting. Because Erin and Pete thought it wouldn't be weird at all. Why do you think it was weird, Gabe? Maybe because you and Erin used to be an item?
52122 9 16 Moving On 7749 Gabe I still wear Erin's button-downs around the condo sometimes. So it feels to me like we're still in a relationship-
52123 9 16 Moving On 7749 Erin Gabe!
52124 9 16 Moving On 7749 Gabe ...a lot of the time.
52125 9 16 Moving On 7749 Andy And Alice, uh, I understand you once dumped Pete, ouch.
52126 9 16 Moving On 7749 Pete Dude, it was an amicable break up Andy.
52127 9 16 Moving On 7749 Alice Ok, while we're rewriting history, you never had a drinking problem.
52128 9 16 Moving On 7749 Pete It was college. That is what you do.
52129 9 16 Moving On 7749 Alice Yeah you're also supposed to go to classes, so there's that.
52130 9 16 Moving On 7749 Erin Hey, Andy, is this at all work related?
52131 9 16 Moving On 7749 Andy We'll get to that. Gabe, did Erin ever tell you that she loves you?
52132 9 16 Moving On 7749 Gabe Oh no no no no no no. She wouldn't even let me say it. It was adorable. She would plug her ears and scream her heat out.
52133 9 16 Moving On 7749 Erin Gabe, can you stop talking? Cause every word out of your mouth is like the squawk of an ugly pelican.
52134 9 16 Moving On 7749 Gabe I got a tattoo for you.
52135 9 16 Moving On 7749 Erin I didn't ask you to get that Nike Swoosh. Nobody did! You did that for you!
52136 9 16 Moving On 7749 Gabe Just do it. You were the it that I was just doing.
52137 9 16 Moving On 7749 Alice So you're dating a secretary now? Moving up in the world, Pete.
52138 9 16 Moving On 7749 Pete She's nice to me.
52139 9 16 Moving On 7749 Alice How's that P.E. degree coming? That's what he wanted to be. His dream in college was to be a gym teacher.
52140 9 16 Moving On 7749 Erin Well, guess what? He could still be a gym teacher. In fact, we could all still be gym teachers, so, let's-
52141 9 16 Moving On 7749 Gabe I technically cannot. I don't have the lung capacity to blow a whistle.
52142 9 16 Moving On 7749 Pete Oh my god.
52143 9 16 Moving On 7749 Gabe What kind of music are you into, Peter?
52144 9 16 Moving On 7749 Pete Uh, I like all kinds of music, Gabe.
52145 9 16 Moving On 7749 Gabe Really? All kinds? So you like songs of hate written by the white knights of the Ku Klux Klan?
52146 9 16 Moving On 7749 Pete No!
52147 9 16 Moving On 7749 Gabe Erin, are you even hearing this?
52148 9 16 Moving On 7749 Erin He didn't even say that.
52149 9 16 Moving On 7749 Alice He is not a very sophisticated man, I mean he can't even use chopsticks, so. Do I need to say anything else?
52150 9 16 Moving On 7749 Gabe Erin, I've been to Japan. I know how to use chopsticks so well. Come back. One night.
52151 9 16 Moving On 7749 Erin Gabe, I don't-
52152 9 16 Moving On 7749 Gabe Give me one night with you...
52153 9 16 Moving On 7749 Erin What is that supposed to mean?
52154 9 16 Moving On 7749 Gabe I have shaved everything...
52155 9 16 Moving On 7749 Erin I don't want you to shave everything.
52156 9 16 Moving On 7749 Alice I wasted two years of my life on you, you realize that right?!
52157 9 16 Moving On 7749 Pete I just want to be real clear that chopsticks is not the measure of a man.
52158 9 16 Moving On 7749 Gabe I am as smooth as a porpoise. {Erin argues]
52159 9 16 Moving On 7749 Pete Why don't you say in the beginning: "This isn't really going that well"
52160 9 16 Moving On 7749 Gabe Shove his sashimi!
52161 9 16 Moving On 7749 Erin What do you-!
52162 9 16 Moving On 7749 Alice Because I had to wait-
52163 9 16 Moving On 7750 Andy Alright, yes. That is a legitimate question. Does making Erin and Pete feel bad make me feel better? Yeah. Yeah, it does.
52164 9 16 Moving On 7751 Pam So, imagine like the real estate version of Michael Scott and that was this guy. He did half the interview as Ace Ventura.
52165 9 16 Moving On 7751 Jim Tell me about the cologne. How much?
52166 9 16 Moving On 7751 Pam Oh, uh, entire bottle. At least.
52167 9 16 Moving On 7751 Jim You're definitely hoarding this by the way.
52168 9 16 Moving On 7751 Pam Guess what poster he had on his wall?
52169 9 16 Moving On 7751 Jim Austin Powers.
52170 9 16 Moving On 7751 Pam MmMm.
52171 9 16 Moving On 7751 Jim Ferris Bueller.
52172 9 16 Moving On 7751 Pam MmMm. You're getting colder.
52173 9 16 Moving On 7751 Jim Not Night at the Roxbury.
52174 9 16 Moving On 7751 Pam No. The Odd Life of Timothy Green.
52175 9 16 Moving On 7751 Jim I'm sorry, how did you think I was expected to guess that?
52176 9 16 Moving On 7751 Pam I don't know, but it's interesting right?
52177 9 16 Moving On 7751 Jim It's fascinating.
52178 9 16 Moving On 7751 Pam He said he can't help but tear up when he looks at it. It's like right next to his desk. He must look at it twenty times a day.
52179 9 16 Moving On 7751 Jim That's amazing. Well, listen. You can't win 'em all, right?
52180 9 16 Moving On 7751 Pam Mmhm.
52181 9 16 Moving On 7751 Jim So, next interview has to be better.
52182 9 16 Moving On 7751 Pam I don't know.
52183 9 16 Moving On 7751 Jim What do you mean? Of course it will. You're amazing.
52184 9 16 Moving On 7751 Pam I know. It's just even if it was, a great boss and a great job, I just, I don't know, I don't know if I want, um, I don't know if I want this.
52185 9 16 Moving On 7751 Jim Huh. This is a little out of left field.
52186 9 16 Moving On 7751 Pam Is it? I just, I liked our life in Scranton.
52187 9 16 Moving On 7751 Jim And I have started a business in Philadelphia.
52188 9 16 Moving On 7752 Oscar's Computer My grandfather know. Mah Jong will be here to stay. Hobbies of the East continues in a moment.
52189 9 16 Moving On 7752 Oscar You could all be doing this, just saying.
52190 9 16 Moving On 7753 Oscar I watch way too many ads online and I don't do enough situps. So I bought these. Now, every time an ad pops up online, I get 30 seconds of ab blasting. I call it Ads for Abs. Ironically, I learned about the boots from an ad online.
52191 9 16 Moving On 7754 Stanley Why can't you just do regular sit-ups?
52192 9 16 Moving On 7754 Oscar I'll tell you why. Because...the floor...is...disgusting. Yeah, my trainer said everybody fails working out, that's how you win. Alright Ok. Kevin? A little help buddy?
52193 9 16 Moving On 7754 Kevin Oh, why don't your famous stomachs help you now?
52194 9 16 Moving On 7754 Oscar Can someone please help me?
52195 9 16 Moving On 7754 Phyllis Ow, these teas are hot, can someone help me please?
52196 9 16 Moving On 7754 Oscar Just- People! I'm not going anywhere. Soon, my core will get strong again and when that happens I'll be able to- Head rush! Ah! Can someone please help me? I- Hey! I'm not going anywhere! I'll be right here! Oh that's not good. Hey guys! I've got twenty bucks for anyone who will help me. Kevin, would you like a pizza?
52197 9 17 The Farm 7755 Dwight Hold it!
52198 9 17 The Farm 7755 Creed New glasses.
52199 9 17 The Farm 7756 Erin Dwight. What a ridiculous, fancy clown you are.
52200 9 17 The Farm 7756 Dwight I am dressed according to the Schrute codes of mourning. My aunt Shirley has died.
52201 9 17 The Farm 7756 Pam Oh, Dwight. I'm so sorry. Were you guys close?
52202 9 17 The Farm 7756 Dwight I would say that she raised me, but let's not kid each other. I raised myself. She was, however, the closest thing I had to a mother.
52203 9 17 The Farm 7757 Dwight My actual mother was very cold and distant. I'd say she was the closest thing I had to an aunt.
52204 9 17 The Farm 7758 Jim My condolences.
52205 9 17 The Farm 7758 Dwight Keep them.
52206 9 17 The Farm 7758 Jim OK. Now, what do we got in these two pails?
52207 9 17 The Farm 7758 Dwight In keeping with Schrute custom, I will either invite you to Saturday's funeral by sprinkling red, fertile dirt in your face. Or, I will ask you to keep a respectful distance during my time of grief, with a dusting of black, slightly acidic soil.
52208 9 17 The Farm 7758 Erin What color is it?
52209 9 17 The Farm 7758 Phyllis It looks pretty black.
52210 9 17 The Farm 7758 Kevin Yep. Acidic, all right.
52211 9 17 The Farm 7758 Oscar Oh, thank god.
52212 9 17 The Farm 7758 Dwight Excuse me?
52213 9 17 The Farm 7758 Oscar I'm so sorry, Dwight. And if you want me to be there, of course I will go. I just... have a personal training session...
52214 9 17 The Farm 7758 Dwight OK. That's not...
52215 9 17 The Farm 7759 Oscar I get red dirt. Nobody is getting red dirt. I should've kept my mouth shut. We're not even that close. I've only known Dwight... 12 years. 12 years. Time is a son of a bitch.
52216 9 17 The Farm 7760 Jim I'm sure... I'm sure she's in a better place.
52217 9 17 The Farm 7760 Dwight I really hope so.
52218 9 17 The Farm 7760 Jim OK. This is crazy. You can't make a dirt ball.
52219 9 17 The Farm 7760 Dwight I miss her so much.
52220 9 17 The Farm 7760 Jim OK.
52221 9 17 The Farm 7760 Dwight You know?
52222 9 17 The Farm 7761 Mose Zeke's here.
52223 9 17 The Farm 7761 Dwight Zeke.
52224 9 17 The Farm 7761 Zeke Hey, Dwight. Mose, Mom says 'hi'.
52225 9 17 The Farm 7761 Mose 'Hi' to Mom.
52226 9 17 The Farm 7761 Dwight Are you going?
52227 9 17 The Farm 7761 Mose Will there be ghosts there?
52228 9 17 The Farm 7761 Dwight Get in the sidecar. Get in the sidecar.
52229 9 17 The Farm 7761 Zeke You get in the sidecar.
52230 9 17 The Farm 7761 Dwight Get...
52231 9 17 The Farm 7762 Dwight What are you doing here?
52232 9 17 The Farm 7762 Oscar You invited me. You threw the red dirt in my face.
52233 9 17 The Farm 7762 Dwight Oh, yeah.
52234 9 17 The Farm 7762 Oscar Who is that?
52235 9 17 The Farm 7762 Dwight Jeb, my brother.
52236 9 17 The Farm 7762 Oscar You have a brother?
52237 9 17 The Farm 7762 Dwight Uh-huh.
52238 9 17 The Farm 7762 Jeb I didn't really see a better parking spot. Whoa! Look what I did. It's a rental. You wanna go in?
52239 9 17 The Farm 7763 Erin Oh, gosh.
52240 9 17 The Farm 7763 Todd Packer Hey, Moonface. Nice to see those shiny, little Chinese eyes of yours.
52241 9 17 The Farm 7763 Clark Who's this guy?
52242 9 17 The Farm 7763 Pam ... bad.
52243 9 17 The Farm 7763 Todd Packer Hi, all.
52244 9 17 The Farm 7763 Phyllis Why are you here, Todd?
52245 9 17 The Farm 7763 Todd Packer OK. Let's get right to it. I guess. My name is Todd Packer and I am in recovery. I'm working the steps. I'm on step eight of Alcoholics Anonymous and step nine of Narcotics Anonymous. I'm here to make amends. I've been hard to deal with over the past years. Kind of a jerk. I know it. I don't need you to accept my apology, but I'd love it if you did.
52246 9 17 The Farm 7763 Kevin Packer, we accept.
52247 9 17 The Farm 7763 Todd Packer Actually, they have a specific way I need to do this. And, I have to go through examples of stuff. OK. Uh, where to begin. Hey. Pam-pam and her pam-pams. Wow. I have said some crude things about those. But, they are beautiful. And, I guess that's why I acted out. Pam, I'm sorry I objectified you. And, personified your breasts. Sorry, guys. Oh boy. I have not been nice to you. Philly, I'm sorry for the things I said about your size. To your face, behind your back, and in the form of drawings. Actually, that goes to all you double XLs. Stanley, Kevin, this kid in a few years.
52248 9 17 The Farm 7763 Pam Todd, you're just saying insults in the form of an apology.
52249 9 17 The Farm 7763 Todd Packer Why can't I just be nice? Truth is, I really like you guys. I really do. OK. The apology's just half of it. The big thing is making amends. And, that's why I brought these. I went out to the Steamtown Mall and I got you all cupcakes. From that place 'Nipples'.
52250 9 17 The Farm 7763 Pam I think it's called 'Nibbles'.
52251 9 17 The Farm 7763 Todd Packer Huh. The mind sees what it wants to, huh? There you go.
52252 9 17 The Farm 7763 Pam Hey, hey, guys. Wait. Before we accept these cupcakes, I think we need to have a conversation privately in the conference room. Don't eat the cupcake.
52253 9 17 The Farm 7764 German Minister We are here today to join this woman and the ground. Man is born of woman and his life is full of turmoil.
52254 9 17 The Farm 7764 Jeb Huh. It's crap soil. Nothing's going to grow here.
52255 9 17 The Farm 7764 Dwight Doesn't matter. It's a cemetery.
52256 9 17 The Farm 7764 Jeb Yeah, well, I'm just saying it's garbage soil, that's all.
52257 9 17 The Farm 7764 Dwight Well, the only thing we're planting here is dead bodies.
52258 9 17 The Farm 7764 Jeb It's fine 'cause they're not going to grow.
52259 9 17 The Farm 7764 Dwight Well, thank god they're not because we don't want to make zombies.
52260 9 17 The Farm 7764 Jeb Good. I agree. Don't worry about it. You won't get any.
52261 9 17 The Farm 7764 German Minister Would the family care to say something?
52262 9 17 The Farm 7764 Dwight You had black hair and then gray hair.
52263 9 17 The Farm 7764 Zeke You were the aunt to my cousins. Most of your life you were 5'4", at the end you were 5'1".
52264 9 17 The Farm 7764 Oscar They're a descriptive people.
52265 9 17 The Farm 7764 Fannie I see you started without me.
52266 9 17 The Farm 7764 Dwight You were late. So, what am I supposed to do?
52267 9 17 The Farm 7764 Fannie Well, I told you...
52268 9 17 The Farm 7764 Oscar Who is that?
52269 9 17 The Farm 7764 Zeke Dwight's sister.
52270 9 17 The Farm 7764 Oscar Dwight has a sister?
52271 9 17 The Farm 7764 Zeke Yeah.
52272 9 17 The Farm 7764 Oscar She's beautiful.
52273 9 17 The Farm 7764 Zeke Blugh.
52274 9 17 The Farm 7764 Dwight Hello, little man. Haven't seen you in a few years. What is this? Oh, god. Henry.
52275 9 17 The Farm 7764 Henry Dwight.
52276 9 17 The Farm 7764 Dwight I see Esther's back in town.
52277 9 17 The Farm 7764 Esther Hi Dwight.
52278 9 17 The Farm 7764 Dwight Hi Esther. Nice of you to come today.
52279 9 17 The Farm 7764 Esther This was on the way. We're going into town after. I need yarn.
52280 9 17 The Farm 7764 Dwight Well, if you can snap two chicken necks with a single motion, why use two motions to slaughter those chickens.
52281 9 17 The Farm 7764 Fannie We're at a funeral. There's a funeral going on here.
52282 9 17 The Farm 7764 Dwight OK.
52283 9 17 The Farm 7764 Henry Anyone mention her height?
52284 9 17 The Farm 7764 Zeke Yep.
52285 9 17 The Farm 7764 Henry Land size? Shirley, at 1600 acres, you have the largest farm in the area. Sharing borders with six other farms. Including my own farm. And your nephew Dwight's. OK.
52286 9 17 The Farm 7764 Dwight So, let's get it going.
52287 9 17 The Farm 7764 German Minister Would you want to do the honors?
52288 9 17 The Farm 7764 Fannie Oh, right. Uh, you know, I don't think we have to do this.
52289 9 17 The Farm 7765 Dwight We Schrutes don't need some Harvard doctor to tell us who's alive and who's dead. But, there was an unlucky streak of burying some heavy sleepers. And, when grave robbers discovered some scratch marks on the inside of some of the coffins, we decided to make sure that our dead were completely dead. Out of kindness.
52290 9 17 The Farm 7766 Oscar That's it for me.
52291 9 17 The Farm 7767 Pam I don't think we should eat Packers' cupcakes. We can't give him the satisfaction.
52292 9 17 The Farm 7767 Phyllis I agree. Even though that place has a way of making those cupcakes so they're dense. But, they're also really fluffy.
52293 9 17 The Farm 7767 Pam We can't let him buy our forgiveness with cupcakes. He was awful to us. And, he still is. How much is a cupcake? $2.50? Is that the price of our dignity?
52294 9 17 The Farm 7767 Creed $3.75 a cupcake, actually. $3.67 if you buy a dozen.
52295 9 17 The Farm 7768 Creed I never forget a number. Names? In one ear and out the other. Places? Nope. Faces? That's rich. But, numbers? I have a gift. I guess that's why I'm an accountant.
52296 9 17 The Farm 7769 Clark Hey, man. I don't think we've met. I'm Clark.
52297 9 17 The Farm 7769 Todd Packer Oh. I'm Todd. Oh, sorry for calling you a fat, little runt earlier.
52298 9 17 The Farm 7769 Clark You didn't actually say that.
52299 9 17 The Farm 7769 Todd Packer No? Wow. I'm in this mode now where I'm apologizing for thoughts that are in my head. Hey. I have a crazy feeling that you are really gonna like this.
52300 9 17 The Farm 7770 Stanley Maybe we should eat the cupcakes. Haven't we done enough to Packer? I mean, we sent him down to Florida on a prank. And you did fire him.
52301 9 17 The Farm 7770 Nellie I did. I did, yes. And it was purely political. He did nothing wrong.
52302 9 17 The Farm 7770 Pam Would any of you be saying any of this if the cupcakes were from Supermart?
52303 9 17 The Farm 7770 Angela Do they even have a bakery anymore?
52304 9 17 The Farm 7770 Kevin They do. It's awful. And, it's getting worse every day.
52305 9 17 The Farm 7770 Pam So, it really is just about the cupcakes.
52306 9 17 The Farm 7770 Andy Wow, you're right. It is just about the cupcakes.
52307 9 17 The Farm 7770 Phyllis So, we're all agreed? No one touches those cupcakes?
52308 9 17 The Farm 7770 Meredith OK.
52309 9 17 The Farm 7770 Phyllis OK. Packer can go to hell.
52310 9 17 The Farm 7771 Aunt Shirley Thank you for coming to my funeral. As I gaze at life's big sunset, I can't help but wonder where it all went wrong. You've all disappointed me greatly. Fannie. A single mamma in the city.
52311 9 17 The Farm 7771 Dwight Thank you.
52312 9 17 The Farm 7771 Aunt Shirley Jeb. A street pusher.
52313 9 17 The Farm 7772 Jeb After I left the army, I bought a 9-acre worm farm from a Californian. Turns out "worm" means something else out there. And, I am now in the business of... pain management. Or, the smoking of pain management.
52314 9 17 The Farm 7773 Dwight I can't stand the fact that Jeb is a pot farmer. He could've grown anything. Anything in the world. He used to talk about growing a peanut-grape hybrid. One plant, one sandwhich.
52315 9 17 The Farm 7774 Aunt Shirley We can't just sit by and watch our family farm disappear. So, here are my terms. Dwight, Fannie, Jeb. If you come back home, I will leave you my farm. So, there, you have it.
52316 9 17 The Farm 7774 Fannie Is she crazy? Dwight?
52317 9 17 The Farm 7774 Jeb Buddy? Buddy?
52318 9 17 The Farm 7774 Fannie No, no, no.
52319 9 17 The Farm 7774 Jeb Snap out of it. Dwight?
52320 9 17 The Farm 7775 Dwight Let's do this. Let's run Aunt Shirley's farm. I'm in. Boom.
52321 9 17 The Farm 7775 Fannie No, no, no. I'm not moving back here. Are you crazy?
52322 9 17 The Farm 7775 Dwight Of course you are.
52323 9 17 The Farm 7775 Fannie Look. I, I don't want to be mean or like insulting. I know that you like it here. But, Dwight, it's just that farm life lacks a certain... sort of sophistication.
52324 9 17 The Farm 7775 Dwight Oh my god.
52325 9 17 The Farm 7775 Fannie That Cammy and I are drawn to. And, I don't know. The men are just... it's almost like there's a... a willing ignorance.
52326 9 17 The Farm 7776 Fannie Yes. I, thank you for asking me. I actually have written a little bit of poetry. That's crazy. And, I was recently published. Which is just... maybe I have. Yep. I do. Here it is from the um, Hartford Women's Lit Quarterly.com. A Willing Ignorance by Fannie Schrute.
52327 9 17 The Farm 7777 Jeb Totally. Yep. The people here are like Like a fart. You know what I'm saying? Like a fart?
52328 9 17 The Farm 7777 Dwight You know what? Let's take a couple of nights and stay here and think about Aunt Shirley's offer.
52329 9 17 The Farm 7777 Jeb Couple of nights couldn't hurt.
52330 9 17 The Farm 7777 Fannie Uh, somehow how I think a couple of nights could hurt.
52331 9 17 The Farm 7777 Dwight You will say 'yes' on one. Five, four, three, two, get ready to say 'yes', one. Yes.
52332 9 17 The Farm 7777 Zeke Absolutely.
52333 9 17 The Farm 7778 Zeke Growing up with Dwight and Mose was not easy. Uh, Dwight was obviously the cool one. And, Mose was the visionary. Which left me to be the comedian.
52334 9 17 The Farm 7779 Fannie That doesn't work on me.
52335 9 17 The Farm 7779 Dwight OK.
52336 9 17 The Farm 7779 Fannie By the way, that's not...
52337 9 17 The Farm 7779 Fannie Very funny. OK. Oui, oui, oui.
52338 9 17 The Farm 7779 Dwight Oui.
52339 9 17 The Farm 7779 Fannie Oh my goodness.
52340 9 17 The Farm 7780 Dwight People underestimate the power of nostalgia. If baseball can use it to get people to care about that worthless sport, then I can use it to get my siblings to care about the farm. Nostalgia is truly one of the great human weaknesses. Second only to the neck.
52341 9 17 The Farm 7781 Fannie So, I forgot about this old custom. If a man is interested in courting a woman, he may throw the beaks of a crow at her. And then, if she's interested in accepting the courtship, she has to destroy the beaks.
52342 9 17 The Farm 7782 Todd Packer Hey, uh, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for screwing you.
52343 9 17 The Farm 7782 Meredith I'm not sorry about it.
52344 9 17 The Farm 7782 Todd Packer I am. It was my rock bottom.
52345 9 17 The Farm 7783 Angela Kevin, you can do this.
52346 9 17 The Farm 7783 Kevin You don't know that.
52347 9 17 The Farm 7783 Pam Kevin, um, let's think of something to distract us. Uh, like the movie Skyfall. You loved the movie Skyfall, right?
52348 9 17 The Farm 7783 Angela Uh-huh.
52349 9 17 The Farm 7783 Kevin James Bond was a spy.
52350 9 17 The Farm 7783 Pam Yes. He was a good spy.
52351 9 17 The Farm 7783 Kevin Yeah. He was the best. James Bond would love this cupcake.
52352 9 17 The Farm 7783 Todd Packer Hey, you know what? It was, uh, great to see you all again. Take care.
52353 9 17 The Farm 7784 Todd Packer I am going through a twelve-step program. I'm currently on step zero. Which is have a of fun. I spent six hours carefully removing the frosting and then layering in a variety of drugs, some legal, some not. Some laxative, some constipating. You don't fire the Pac-Man and expect to get away with it.
52354 9 17 The Farm 7785 Pam Guys, I'm proud of us. I think we did the right thing. Hey!
52355 9 17 The Farm 7785 Angela What, Pam?
52356 9 17 The Farm 7785 Pam Wait!
52357 9 17 The Farm 7785 Angela He's gone. It's just a cupcake now.
52358 9 17 The Farm 7785 Pam No, no. It's the principle of the thing.
52359 9 17 The Farm 7785 Andy Oh my god. I forgive him so much. Whoa, is he choking?
52360 9 17 The Farm 7785 Angela Kevin?
52361 9 17 The Farm 7785 Kevin Oh, that was fantastic.
52362 9 17 The Farm 7786 Cameron Is it dangerous to take the eggs in front of them?
52363 9 17 The Farm 7786 Dwight Yes, very. You really need to stand back because these are killer chickens.
52364 9 17 The Farm 7786 Cameron I was just asking you something I didn't know.
52365 9 17 The Farm 7786 Dwight Which is fine. And, you learned something. But, it was kind of a stupid question so you're gonna get made fun of a little bit.
52366 9 17 The Farm 7786 Cameron Are we gonna eat these today?
52367 9 17 The Farm 7786 Dwight If you want.
52368 9 17 The Farm 7787 Cameron Is that a guillotine?
52369 9 17 The Farm 7787 Dwight This? No. That'd be cool, though. It's for milking.
52370 9 17 The Farm 7787 Cameron That's a cow?
52371 9 17 The Farm 7787 Dwight Did you just ask me if this was a cow?
52372 9 17 The Farm 7787 Cameron What are you doing now?
52373 9 17 The Farm 7787 Dwight Come here. Come on. Grab a teat with each hand. Sit down. There you go. Squeeze from top to bottom. Really pull. Use some muscle. Draw the milk out. All right. Going all right?
52374 9 17 The Farm 7787 Cameron I don't know.
52375 9 17 The Farm 7787 Dwight Well, is the udder hot? Is the milk clumpy?
52376 9 17 The Farm 7787 Cameron I don't know any of that.
52377 9 17 The Farm 7787 Dwight OK, you suck at this. Give me those teats. Didn't your father teach you anything?
52378 9 17 The Farm 7787 Cameron I never met him.
52379 9 17 The Farm 7788 Pam Good morning, Erin.
52380 9 17 The Farm 7788 Erin Hey.
52381 9 17 The Farm 7788 Pam Hey, everybody. Um, I decided to eat my cupcake. I thought about it last night. I talked to Jim. I talked to my sister. And, I think that, as long as Todd Packer doesn't know, it's OK.
52382 9 17 The Farm 7788 Phyllis I don't care what you do, Pam. Just please stop making noise.
52383 9 17 The Farm 7788 Pam Phyllis!
52384 9 17 The Farm 7788 Clark Packer laced the cupcakes.
52385 9 17 The Farm 7788 Pam No!
52386 9 17 The Farm 7788 Meredith Did you get diarrhea or were you stoned?
52387 9 17 The Farm 7788 Angela Some of us got both.
52388 9 17 The Farm 7788 Pam Oh my god! Is everyone OK?
52389 9 17 The Farm 7788 Phyllis Last night, I got out all of my old dolls and played with them on the living room floor. Then, I ordered ten American Girl outfits online. It was thousands of dollars.
52390 9 17 The Farm 7788 Nellie Yeah? Well, count yourself lucky, Phyllis. I got the toilet.
52391 9 17 The Farm 7788 Stanley Me too.
52392 9 17 The Farm 7788 Clark I went Christmas caroling in March and I fertilized some bushes along the way. So, not my best night. But, not my worst night.
52393 9 17 The Farm 7788 Phyllis What did you do, Andy?
52394 9 17 The Farm 7788 Andy Last night? Oh, god, um, I don't know. Na, nothing really. Kevin?
52395 9 17 The Farm 7788 Kevin Why would you ask me?
52396 9 17 The Farm 7788 Andy I'm not, a... I'm just. I don't know. Oh. Gosh. I actually. It is hard to recall. Um. Pretty normal night.
52397 9 17 The Farm 7788 Kevin My night was just like that. Meaning normal.
52398 9 17 The Farm 7788 Andy Yeah. I didn't see you last night at all.
52399 9 17 The Farm 7788 Kevin Nope. I did not see you either.
52400 9 17 The Farm 7788 Pam Wow. He is officially the worst human being.
52401 9 17 The Farm 7788 Kevin Ah.
52402 9 17 The Farm 7788 Pam But, Kevin that's...
52403 9 17 The Farm 7788 Kevin Yeah. No, I understand, Pam. I understand.
52404 9 17 The Farm 7788 Angela No.
52405 9 17 The Farm 7789 Todd Packer So, that's it. I just wanted to make amends.
52406 9 17 The Farm 7789 Darryl That's big of you, man. Takes a lot of courage.
52407 9 17 The Farm 7789 Jim Ooh, red velvet. I should apologize too.
52408 9 17 The Farm 7789 Todd Packer It's OK. I'm over it.
52409 9 17 The Farm 7790 Jeb Oof. This is no nine-acre worm farm. This is a beast. Whoever's managing this thing is gonna have a hell of a job. Not it.
52410 9 17 The Farm 7790 Fannie Not it.
52411 9 17 The Farm 7790 Dwight It. That kid doesn't put in some farm time, he's gonna stay like that.
52412 9 17 The Farm 7790 Fannie All right.
52413 9 18 Promos 7791 Kevin Uh oh. She's doing it again.
52414 9 18 Promos 7792 Pam Phyllis has gotten into audio books and lately she's been listening to 50 Shades of Grey. Which, if you don't know what it is, it's a book about um...
52415 9 18 Promos 7792 Clark It's p0rn.
52416 9 18 Promos 7792 Pam Yeah.
52417 9 18 Promos 7793 Dwight Seriously. Ugh. Ok, this is unacceptable. It's officially a hostile work environment.
52418 9 18 Promos 7793 Phyllis Why?
52419 9 18 Promos 7793 Darryl Somebody just needs to get her attention, tell her it's not OK to do this in public.
52420 9 18 Promos 7793 Pam Be careful. I pulled my mom's dog off a pillow once, and I got bit.
52421 9 18 Promos 7793 Meredith Just ignore her. Sooner or later she'll finish.
52422 9 18 Promos 7793 Group Ugh. Ew.
52423 9 18 Promos 7794 Andy What?
52424 9 18 Promos 7794 Dwight Phyllis is m*st*rb*t*ng. In the office right now as we speak.
52425 9 18 Promos 7794 Angela Can we skip the color commentary and just have Andy go out there and fire her?
52426 9 18 Promos 7794 Toby He- he can't do that. Turns out she's allowed to have feelings of sexual arousal. It doesn't become a violation until she physically acts on it.
52427 9 18 Promos 7794 Group No!
52428 9 18 Promos 7794 Oscar Toby, how do you propose that we-
52429 9 18 Promos 7794 Andy hoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Why is Phyllis so aroused?
52430 9 18 Promos 7794 Pam She's listening to 50 Shades of Grey.
52431 9 18 Promos 7794 Andy Well there you go. That's muy caliente.
52432 9 18 Promos 7794 Dwight OK, you are useless. I'll take care of this.
52433 9 18 Promos 7794 Phyllis What the hell?!
52434 9 18 Promos 7794 Dwight It's OK guys, she's no longer horny.
52435 9 18 Promos 7794 Andy Excuse me, dirty birdie
52436 9 18 Promos 7794 Phyllis Wait, what?
52437 9 18 Promos 7794 Andy You can have this back at the end of the day. Oh!!
52438 9 18 Promos 7795 Dwight Clark, I need your advice. I'm having some lady troubles.
52439 9 18 Promos 7795 Clark What's her name?
52440 9 18 Promos 7795 Dwight Esther Ruger.
52441 9 18 Promos 7795 Clark Sweet.
52442 9 18 Promos 7795 Dwight Lives on the neighboring farm. 85 acres.
52443 9 18 Promos 7795 Clark Oh yeah. Keep talkin'.
52444 9 18 Promos 7795 Dwight Well, we've been out three times, there has been physicality but the thing is we were hanging out with her father the other night looking at a farm catalog, next thing I know he wants to lease a tractor with me.
52445 9 18 Promos 7795 Clark Oh.
52446 9 18 Promos 7795 Dwight What do you think?
52447 9 18 Promos 7795 Clark The same thing that you think.
52448 9 18 Promos 7795 Dwight A long term tractor lease is going to put pressure on a relationship.
52449 9 18 Promos 7795 Clark God, one of my buddies is going through the same thing right now. Something in the air.
52450 9 18 Promos 7795 Angela Here you go. And good for you Dwight, I'm so glad you found someone. I bet she's got kind eyes.
52451 9 18 Promos 7796 Angela Dwight is dating a brussel sprout farmer named Esther. She's coming here this afternoon with her father. Who knows? Maybe she'll be pulling the horse cart!
52452 9 18 Promos 7797 Pam Cici has been calling me 'Pamela'. Like four times this week.
52453 9 18 Promos 7797 Jim Oh man.
52454 9 18 Promos 7797 Pam I wonder if she'll start calling you 'Jim'.
52455 9 18 Promos 7797 Jim Oh boy, please don't. Let's not let that happen.
52456 9 18 Promos 7797 Pam Um.
52457 9 18 Promos 7797 Jim What was I gonna- What was I gonna say?
52458 9 18 Promos 7797 Pam You're- You know your assistant told me that you have a big pitch meeting today. With Ryan Howard. How did that happen?
52459 9 18 Promos 7797 Jim Not that Ryan Howard. Um, the Phillies' first baseman.
52460 9 18 Promos 7797 Pam Oh, oh OK.
52461 9 18 Promos 7797 Jim Yeah, yeah. Exactly.
52462 9 18 Promos 7797 Pam Um, Ok. Well?
52463 9 18 Promos 7797 Jim Yeah. So, uh, I'll uh, talk to you later?
52464 9 18 Promos 7797 Pam Yeah, sounds good. Ok.
52465 9 18 Promos 7797 Jim Ok great.
52466 9 18 Promos 7797 Pam Ok.
52467 9 18 Promos 7797 Jim Bye.
52468 9 18 Promos 7797 Pam Bye.
52469 9 18 Promos 7798 Kevin What's going on? Oh, did Gangnam Style put out a new song?
52470 9 18 Promos 7798 Oscar There's a promo for the new documentary on the web.
52471 9 18 Promos 7798 Phyllis Play it again.
52472 9 18 Promos 7798 Promo Voice The boss. The workers. The lives. The loves. The people. The paper. The Office: An American Workplace. Coming soon on WVIA.
52473 9 18 Promos 7798 Kevin Whoa. You go to the bathroom for 45 minutes and everything changes.
52474 9 18 Promos 7799 Kevin This is a documentary? Oh, I always thought we were like specimens in a human zoo.
52475 9 18 Promos 7800 Kevin Did you see this?
52476 9 18 Promos 7800 Angela Your screen is all black. You just unplugged your computer.
52477 9 18 Promos 7801 Clark Oh my god, is that you and Jim?
52478 9 18 Promos 7801 Pam Uh huh.
52479 9 18 Promos 7801 Clark Jeez, you fell in love with that hair? Really? Yikes. That is awful.
52480 9 18 Promos 7801 Pam It wasn't so bad.
52481 9 18 Promos 7801 Andy Guys, are you reading the online comments? Somebody commented on my banjo playing. "Banjo at 0:19 is aight" Internet, calm down! I must be really connected with this guy. I mean that's the guy's name, right? ChobbleGobbler?
52482 9 18 Promos 7802 Jim Hey man, how you doin'? Jim Halpert.
52483 9 18 Promos 7802 Ryan Howard Nice to meet you. Eat Fresh.
52484 9 18 Promos 7802 Darryl Hey, man. Darryl.
52485 9 18 Promos 7802 Ryan Howard Hey there, Ryan. Nice to meet you. Eat Fresh. Eat Fresh.
52486 9 18 Promos 7802 Jim Let's go to the conference room.
52487 9 18 Promos 7803 Dwight Esther's on her way up. I wonder if she wants a snack. Let's see, I know she likes apples and carrots.
52488 9 18 Promos 7803 Angela I bet she does. I bet she'll eat them right out of your hand with those big strong teeth.
52489 9 18 Promos 7803 Dwight Did I tell you about her teeth?
52490 9 18 Promos 7803 Erin Hey Dwight, you have some guests. I think they're from the forest where we harvest our paper.
52491 9 18 Promos 7803 Angela Yes.
52492 9 18 Promos 7804 Dwight Ah, the Ruger family. Welcome.
52493 9 18 Promos 7804 Mr. Ruger Fine office you have here. Sturdy walls.
52494 9 18 Promos 7804 Dwight Yes. Esther, you look radiant as always.
52495 9 18 Promos 7804 Esther Thank you.
52496 9 18 Promos 7805 Angela I guess men find Esther attractive. I mean if there are chubby chasers, then there are men that like that....thing.
52497 9 18 Promos 7806 Pam Weird to see how we used to look in those promos. Some of us have changed so much.
52498 9 18 Promos 7806 Stanley We've all changed.
52499 9 18 Promos 7807 Jim With our firm, you'll be building equity for long after they've retired your number.
52500 9 18 Promos 7807 Darryl And we all know, baseball does not last forever.
52501 9 18 Promos 7807 Ryan Howard I look at these actors on TV and I think: "C'mon, I can do that."
52502 9 18 Promos 7807 Jim Right?
52503 9 18 Promos 7807 Ryan Howard Watch this: Eat Fresh. Now what does that make you think of?
52504 9 18 Promos 7807 Darryl Subway sandwiches.
52505 9 18 Promos 7807 Jim Yep.
52506 9 18 Promos 7807 Ryan Howard How? I didn't say Subway sandwiches. It's called playing the subtext.
52507 9 18 Promos 7807 Jim Wow.
52508 9 18 Promos 7807 Ryan Howard I actually wrote a screenplay, it's called "The Big Piece"
52509 9 18 Promos 7807 Jim Based on his nickname. Like it already. Let me guess, it's autobiographical.
52510 9 18 Promos 7807 Ryan Howard Half biopic and half superhero movie. A mild mannered professional baseball player, Ryan Howard-
52511 9 18 Promos 7807 Jim OK
52512 9 18 Promos 7807 Ryan Howard #NAME?
52513 9 18 Promos 7807 Darryl The space dust does it.
52514 9 18 Promos 7807 Jim Space dust.
52515 9 18 Promos 7807 Darryl Yeah.
52516 9 18 Promos 7807 Ryan Howard I actually brought a- some copies of my script if you guys wanna read it together.
52517 9 18 Promos 7807 Jim Sure, yeah. Hollywood. Alright.
52518 9 18 Promos 7807 Darryl Wow. Yeah, we gonna read it.
52519 9 18 Promos 7807 Jim Ok, great.
52520 9 18 Promos 7808 Kevin Andy, are there documentary groupies?
52521 9 18 Promos 7808 Andy Of course there are!
52522 9 18 Promos 7808 Kevin Of course.
52523 9 18 Promos 7808 Toby A little ironic that I'm going to be kind of a TV star, because my last Chad Flendermen novel was based on a murdered TV star. The small screen-
52524 9 18 Promos 7808 Nellie Oh, I don't care.
52525 9 18 Promos 7808 Oscar Hey guys, I just found another promo. It's in Danish. I guess it's gonna start airing in Denmark.
52526 9 18 Promos 7808 Pam Oh my god!
52527 9 18 Promos 7809 Kevin What was that word they said when they showed me "Skrald mand"? What's that mean in Danish? Cool guy?
52528 9 18 Promos 7809 Oscar Dumpster Man.
52529 9 18 Promos 7809 Kevin Cool. Superhero.
52530 9 18 Promos 7809 Angela What about me? "Klokken tre pige"
52531 9 18 Promos 7809 Oscar "Three PM Girl"
52532 9 18 Promos 7809 Angela What? Why would they...wait a second, wait a second! What was that? Oh! I didn't know they were filming then!
52533 9 18 Promos 7809 Oscar It looks like the camera man was hiding behind the shelves.
52534 9 18 Promos 7809 Phyllis Wait. So they were filming all the time? Even when we didn't know it?
52535 9 18 Promos 7809 Angela Oh my god.
52536 9 18 Promos 7810 Angela There was much more secret filming than I expected. But I am fine with it, I mean it. I am.
52537 9 18 Promos 7810 Oscar Are you kidding me? It's like half the show is secret footage.
52538 9 18 Promos 7810 Meredith I am a very private person. I show 'em when I wanna show 'em. Who wants a taste? Boob sauce!
52539 9 18 Promos 7810 Group No!
52540 9 18 Promos 7810 Oscar Meredith!
52541 9 18 Promos 7810 Angela Come on!
52542 9 18 Promos 7810 Nellie Oh my god. Do they film us at night when we're sleeping?
52543 9 18 Promos 7810 Oscar Yes, Erin. They film us at night when we're sleeping. Cause that makes great TV!
52544 9 18 Promos 7810 Erin Hey.
52545 9 18 Promos 7810 Angela Oscar.
52546 9 18 Promos 7810 Oscar I'm sorry sweetie. This whole thing is just freaking me out.
52547 9 18 Promos 7811 Oscar I have been very honest with you guys. In a way that could seriously impact the political career of a very good friend of mine. You're not going to use any of that, are you?
52548 9 18 Promos 7812 Andy People, relax! We are killing it online. Have you guys checked the comments? SmokeThatSkinwagon says: "You guys are killing it!" I mean, we're internet sensations guys!
52549 9 18 Promos 7812 Angela I think we need to figure out what's going on. I might just take a little walk.
52550 9 18 Promos 7812 Stanley Yes, a little walk sounds like a good idea.
52551 9 18 Promos 7812 Oscar Ok everyone, turn off your mikes.
52552 9 18 Promos 7812 Angela We need to know more. Did their shots have sound? What exactly did they get on tape?
52553 9 18 Promos 7812 Erin I sneezed into my hands without using Purell and then dipped into the candy jar. Did they film that?
52554 9 18 Promos 7812 Nellie My first week here I sneezed directly into the candy jar because I thought I'd get more I thought I'd get more screen time than anyone.
52555 9 18 Promos 7812 Pete Ok, Pam. Why don't you visit your buddy, the crew guy that got fired? Find out what they got.
52556 9 18 Promos 7812 Pam Brian?
52557 9 18 Promos 7812 Pete Yeah.
52558 9 18 Promos 7812 Pam Yeah, I guess I could.
52559 9 18 Promos 7812 Stanley Hurry Pam, I need to know how much hellfire is going to rain down on me.
52560 9 18 Promos 7812 Phyllis I thought Terry knew about Cynthia?
52561 9 18 Promos 7812 Stanley She does. But neither of them know about Lydia.
52562 9 18 Promos 7812 Group Oh!
52563 9 18 Promos 7812 Meredith Wow.
52564 9 18 Promos 7813 Clark Whoa! Whoa! OK, so what's this lever do?
52565 9 18 Promos 7813 Ruger Sister 1 That manipulates the secondary shaft.
52566 9 18 Promos 7813 Clark Oh, the secondary shaft. Eeeh, oooga!
52567 9 18 Promos 7813 Salesmen The lift capacity's up at two thousand pounds. That's a lot of beets.
52568 9 18 Promos 7813 Mr. Ruger Let's talk terms. If you agree to a forty sixty split on this tractor, I'll store it in one of my barns.
52569 9 18 Promos 7813 Dwight Mr. Ruger, are you trying to take advantage of me because I'm interested in your daughter? Fifty fifty split or no deal.
52570 9 18 Promos 7813 Mr. Ruger Esther, get in the truck.
52571 9 18 Promos 7813 Dwight Ok ok ok, wait! You win.
52572 9 18 Promos 7813 Salesman Let's get the paperwork started.
52573 9 18 Promos 7814 Ruger Sister 2 We should buy an auger together.
52574 9 18 Promos 7814 Clark Oh, yeah. Yeah.
52575 9 18 Promos 7814 Ruger Sister 1 You would be a great one to buy an auger with.
52576 9 18 Promos 7815 Stanley Hello, honey? I just spoke to the TV repair man, he says we need to keep our TVs turned off for a couple of months. Something about the wiring.
52577 9 18 Promos 7816 Andy Oh! Seven new comments. "The guy at 0:19 is hawt!" "Hi Bongripper, it's me, Andy. The guy from 0:19, I'm glad that you enjoyed my work in that promo. I really enjoyed your comment, going to read some more comments now. Have a great day!" "He's not hawt, he's gay." "Dear JasonJasonJason, it's me, Andy. Nice name. Not! Guess what? I'm not gay! So you are an IDIOT. And I am hawt, according to people on this site who have a brain. Never comment on this page ever again." "He is hawt!" See, thank you, that's more like it. "He is butt." God dammit! I'm about to lose my FREAKING MIND! Screw you TexasPoonTappa! Uh!
52578 9 18 Promos 7817 Dwight Security deposit. That's been-
52579 9 18 Promos 7817 Mr. Ruger Standard.
52580 9 18 Promos 7817 Dwight Right, standard.
52581 9 18 Promos 7817 Clark Hey, can I talk to you for one second?
52582 9 18 Promos 7817 Dwight No.
52583 9 18 Promos 7817 Clark One second.
52584 9 18 Promos 7817 Dwight No.
52585 9 18 Promos 7817 Clark One second.
52586 9 18 Promos 7817 Dwight I am closing a deal on a tractor with the father of a woman I plan to inseminate.
52587 9 18 Promos 7817 Clark Don't do it.
52588 9 18 Promos 7817 Dwight What? Don't you cap that pen. Do not cap that pen! Do not! Ugh! You capped it. Wow. You are serious. Ok, you've got two minutes and then the cap comes off.
52589 9 18 Promos 7817 Clark Dude, we're being conned.
52590 9 18 Promos 7817 Dwight Go on.
52591 9 18 Promos 7817 Clark These chicks are way too hot to be into us. Esther's just pretending to like you so that you'll buy her daddy a new tractor.
52592 9 18 Promos 7817 Dwight No.
52593 9 18 Promos 7817 Clark Yes. Her sister's trying to seduce me into buying an auger with her.
52594 9 18 Promos 7817 Dwight What? Has the warranty expired on the auger you have now?
52595 9 18 Promos 7817 Clark I don't even know what an auger is!
52596 9 18 Promos 7817 Dwight No woman would ever want a man who doesn't know what an auger is.
52597 9 18 Promos 7817 Mr. Ruger Hey, you ready to sign?
52598 9 18 Promos 7817 Dwight I just need a moment to consider your offer. Excuse me.
52599 9 18 Promos 7818 Brian Oh, hey!
52600 9 18 Promos 7818 Pam Hey!
52601 9 18 Promos 7818 Brian Hi.
52602 9 18 Promos 7818 Pam Hi, um. I'm sorry, do you have a minute? Is this a bad time?
52603 9 18 Promos 7818 Brian No, no, please, yeah, come on in. It's good to see you. Sorry, my place is usually not this-
52604 9 18 Promos 7818 Pam Oh my gosh, please, don't.
52605 9 18 Promos 7818 Brian Yeah, no, I- actually it's always like this. Do you want to go outside? It's a little less cluttered out there.
52606 9 18 Promos 7818 Pam Sure, yeah. Yeah.
52607 9 18 Promos 7818 Brian Let me grab a couple drinks.
52608 9 18 Promos 7818 Pam OK. Oh wow, you have a nice view.
52609 9 18 Promos 7818 Brian Alright, that's for you.
52610 9 18 Promos 7818 Pam Oh, thank you.
52611 9 18 Promos 7818 Brian Cheers.
52612 9 18 Promos 7818 Pam Cheers.
52613 9 18 Promos 7819 Angela Alright, how much have you revealed on camera about your relationship with the senator?
52614 9 18 Promos 7819 Oscar They caught us kissing on Halloween.
52615 9 18 Promos 7819 Angela Oh! He was dressed like Ronald Reagan!
52616 9 18 Promos 7819 Oscar Oh!
52617 9 18 Promos 7819 Angela God!
52618 9 18 Promos 7819 Oscar Angela! Well he kissed like Jack Kennedy!
52619 9 18 Promos 7819 Angela Oh! Stop it! Stop kissing him! Someone needs to call and warn him. This could ruin his career.
52620 9 18 Promos 7819 Oscar Well, I don't like giving him bad news.
52621 9 18 Promos 7819 Angela Call him!
52622 9 18 Promos 7819 Oscar You call him!
52623 9 18 Promos 7819 Angela Call him!
52624 9 18 Promos 7819 Oscar Stop hitting me!
52625 9 18 Promos 7819 Angela Call him! Call him!
52626 9 18 Promos 7819 Oscar No!
52627 9 18 Promos 7820 Brian So...
52628 9 18 Promos 7820 Pam So..
52629 9 18 Promos 7820 Brian What brings you by?
52630 9 18 Promos 7820 Pam Well, the promo for the documentary aired today.
52631 9 18 Promos 7820 Brian Oh yeah, that's right.
52632 9 18 Promos 7820 Pam Yeah. It's kinda crazy.
52633 9 18 Promos 7820 Brian Yeah, it is.
52634 9 18 Promos 7820 Pam See all this like old stuff, like um, there's that shot of Jim and I up on the roof?
52635 9 18 Promos 7820 Brian Oh yeah, that was, that was a good moment.
52636 9 18 Promos 7820 Pam Yeah, wasn't that neat?
52637 9 18 Promos 7820 Brian Yeah, it was cool.
52638 9 18 Promos 7820 Pam Yeah, and there's this one when we were listening to music and it's like, it's like w were in love and we didn't even know we were in love and it's...but- Do you think Jim's changed?
52639 9 18 Promos 7820 Brian Um...
52640 9 18 Promos 7820 Pam I'm sorry. Did that? That was out of the blue-
52641 9 18 Promos 7820 Brian No no, it's-
52642 9 18 Promos 7820 Pam I just mean because you know us and you like observed us for ten years and I feel like he's- I just feel like...he's so into his work right now and....I don't know, am I crazy?
52643 9 18 Promos 7820 Brian No, you're not crazy.
52644 9 18 Promos 7820 Pam Well, I wish that made me feel better. Listen, so everybody saw the promos and they're kinda freaking out. Cause it seems like you got a lot of private stuff on camera-
52645 9 18 Promos 7820 Brian Yeah.
52646 9 18 Promos 7820 Pam You know, stuff people didn't intend for everyone to see. And they kinda want to know how much.
52647 9 18 Promos 7820 Brian They want to know how much what?
52648 9 18 Promos 7820 Pam How much stuff you got.
52649 9 18 Promos 7820 Brian Pretty much everything.
52650 9 18 Promos 7820 Pam Well yeah, but what if we turned our mike packs?
52651 9 18 Promos 7820 Brian They've got parabolic mikes, they can pick you up a hundred yards away, so...no if you were around there, they got you.
52652 9 18 Promos 7820 Pam So we basically had no privacy for ten years.
52653 9 18 Promos 7820 Brian That's not really true, I mean-
52654 9 18 Promos 7820 Pam Um...yeah, I gotta, I gotta go.
52655 9 18 Promos 7820 Brian Oh no, hang on a second. Pam, I'm sorry, I- I- I can explain this so much better.
52656 9 18 Promos 7820 Pam No I think you explained it.
52657 9 18 Promos 7820 Brian Look, if you give me a chance I can, I- Pam.
52658 9 18 Promos 7821 Jim "Together we will win this baseball game against the evil space Yankees. Eat Fresh."
52659 9 18 Promos 7821 Ryan Howard That'll pay for the exploding helicopter.
52660 9 18 Promos 7821 Jim Smart.
52661 9 18 Promos 7821 Ryan Howard "Suddenly, the evil thugs break in to the stadium. The Big Piece hits baseballs at the evil thugs."
52662 9 18 Promos 7821 Jim "Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks."
52663 9 18 Promos 7821 Ryan Howard Come on man, sell it!
52664 9 18 Promos 7821 Darryl Yeah, Jim.
52665 9 18 Promos 7821 Jim "Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks!"
52666 9 18 Promos 7821 Ryan Howard Yeah, that's better. A bunch of hot women go: "Oh yeah!"
52667 9 18 Promos 7821 Jim "Megan, I was too shy to tell you this when I was just a normal professional baseball player, but I love you."
52668 9 18 Promos 7821 Ryan Howard "They kiss. It is super emotional. Like in Toy Story."
52669 9 18 Promos 7821 Jim Wow. I tell you what, it's really strong. I can't wait to read the rest of it later and see how it ends.
52670 9 18 Promos 7821 Darryl It's so strong.
52671 9 18 Promos 7821 Ryan Howard Keep reading then.
52672 9 18 Promos 7821 Jim "Gotta go! Darth Vader's launching a huge attack."
52673 9 18 Promos 7821 Ryan Howard Um another thing. I'm gonna need you to get me the rights to Darth Vader.
52674 9 18 Promos 7821 Jim I don't know how we'd go about doing that.
52675 9 18 Promos 7821 Darryl We can look into it.
52676 9 18 Promos 7821 Jim We'll look into it.
52677 9 18 Promos 7821 Ryan Howard We need Darth.
52678 9 18 Promos 7821 Jim We gotta get him.
52679 9 18 Promos 7821 Darryl We'll go after Darth then.
52680 9 18 Promos 7821 Jim We're gonna go get him.
52681 9 18 Promos 7821 Darryl That's what we gotta do.
52682 9 18 Promos 7821 Jim We're gonna get him.
52683 9 18 Promos 7822 Dwight Maybe you're right. Esther's a ten and the best I've ever done is Angela who's a nine and she rejected me.
52684 9 18 Promos 7822 Clark A Scranton nine, but yeah, point taken. Hey, let's go out tonight and just score a couple fours huh? I mean there are no games with fours.
52685 9 18 Promos 7822 Dwight Who needs a new tractor anyway? Maybe we're the kinda guys who end up with a tractor that's already been rode hard and put away muddy.
52686 9 18 Promos 7822 Clark Screw new tractors. Guys like us, we gotta plant our seed a different way.
52687 9 18 Promos 7822 Dwight By hand.
52688 9 18 Promos 7822 Esther Dwight, we need to talk.
52689 9 18 Promos 7822 Dwight I don't know that there's anything left for us to talk about, Esther.
52690 9 18 Promos 7822 Esther Look, we're gonna have the tractor for the same amount of work days but my dad is planning on leasing it to the Vanderkirk brothers on the weekends.
52691 9 18 Promos 7822 Dwight No.
52692 9 18 Promos 7822 Esther So you're going to be paying more, but he's putting on ten times the miles and he's pocketing a profit behind your back.
52693 9 18 Promos 7822 Dwight That snake!
52694 9 18 Promos 7822 Esther You need to tell him you want a deal based on miles or he can just stick that tractor where the sun don't shine.
52695 9 18 Promos 7822 Dwight That shady grove out by Willard's pond.
52696 9 18 Promos 7822 Esther Mmhm.
52697 9 18 Promos 7822 Dwight So, you're fine with me not leasing the tractor? I mean, our courtship can proceed?
52698 9 18 Promos 7822 Esther Of course. You didn't just think I was tractor bait, did you?
52699 9 18 Promos 7822 Dwight No!
52700 9 18 Promos 7822 Clark Hey Dwight, what's an auger used for?
52701 9 18 Promos 7822 Dwight Post hole digging.
52702 9 18 Promos 7822 Esther Stupid.
52703 9 18 Promos 7823 Senator You've reached Senator Robert Lipton, please leave a message.
52704 9 18 Promos 7823 Angela, Oscar Hi honey!
52705 9 18 Promos 7823 Oscar Oh you?
52706 9 18 Promos 7823 Angela No you go. Hi honey!
52707 9 18 Promos 7823 Oscar Hey, Hey Robert!
52708 9 18 Promos 7823 Angela It's Angela and Oscar.
52709 9 18 Promos 7823 Oscar Hey.
52710 9 18 Promos 7823 Angela Just a few quick things.
52711 9 18 Promos 7823 Oscar Um the documentary's going to be airing soon, and, and you look great in the promos.
52712 9 18 Promos 7823 Angela Oh you look so handsome! Very presidential.
52713 9 18 Promos 7823 Oscar Very much so.
52714 9 18 Promos 7823 Angela Yeah.
52715 9 18 Promos 7823 Oscar Absolutely.
52716 9 18 Promos 7823 Angela Yeah!
52717 9 18 Promos 7823 Oscar Hey, I get the sense you're gonna be outed as gay.
52718 9 18 Promos 7823 Angela Yes and I cheated on you with Dwight, it looks like they got it on film. I didn't tell you about it.
52719 9 18 Promos 7823 Oscar I think that's it!
52720 9 18 Promos 7823 Angela I think we're good.
52721 9 18 Promos 7823 Oscar Done!
52722 9 18 Promos 7823 Angela Bye!
52723 9 18 Promos 7823 Oscar Ok!
52724 9 18 Promos 7823 Angela Love you! God.
52725 9 18 Promos 7824 Andy Hey! TexasPoonTappa and JasonJasonJason and all the rest of you haters out there! Check this out.
52726 9 18 Promos 7824 Nellie Good night Andy.
52727 9 18 Promos 7824 Andy Huh? Yeah, see ya. Oh! What?!
52728 9 18 Promos 7825 Pam I hope you got sound on everything. I'd love a DVD of that.
52729 9 19 Stairmageddon 7826 Stanley What the hell? No. This is NOT happening.
52730 9 19 Stairmageddon 7826 Erin Didn't you get the memo? It's Stairmageddon! Come on Stanley!
52731 9 19 Stairmageddon 7827 Erin Dwight is having maintenance done on the elevator today, and he was really on top of it. Weeks ago, he started the Stairmageddon Awareness campaign. The idea was to get us prepared, both mentally and physically, for a day that hopefully comes once in a 100 years. It's a... "Mageddon!"
52732 9 19 Stairmageddon 7828 Erin Come on! Come on, Stanley! Stay in it!
52733 9 19 Stairmageddon 7828 Stanley I put 17 damn years into this company, and now they're making me climb Stair Mountain!
52734 9 19 Stairmageddon 7828 Erin Come on!
52735 9 19 Stairmageddon 7829 Oscar Our office has an unusually large number of... unusually large people.
52736 9 19 Stairmageddon 7830 Stanley This is an abomination.
52737 9 19 Stairmageddon 7830 Erin Come on. You got this. Here.
52738 9 19 Stairmageddon 7831 Oscar So when something as routine as elevator maintenance happens, and people are forced to expend cardiovascular effort, we have to compare it to the end of time.
52739 9 19 Stairmageddon 7832 Andy Red alert! Red alert! The reviews are in! I repeat, the reviews are in.
52740 9 19 Stairmageddon 7832 Oscar What?
52741 9 19 Stairmageddon 7832 Andy I just got a text from my brother. Scranton Times Tribune.com. There's a review of the documentary!
52742 9 19 Stairmageddon 7832 Phyllis What does it say?
52743 9 19 Stairmageddon 7832 Andy I don't know, Phyllis! I just got the text and started screaming, "Red Alert."
52744 9 19 Stairmageddon 7832 Dwight Well, the alert was already set to "Red" because of Stairmageddon. You think I should set it to "Double Red"?
52745 9 19 Stairmageddon 7832 Andy I think we should.
52746 9 19 Stairmageddon 7833 Oscar "The Office: An American Workplace airing on PBS next month is a documentary following the employees of Scranton's own Dunder Mifflin Paper Company!"
52747 9 19 Stairmageddon 7833 Everyone Whoo!
52748 9 19 Stairmageddon 7833 Nellie "In this series, which will air starting in May, we get an in-depth look at many interesting local people. There's Kevin Malone, the falstaffian accountant. Dwight Schrute, the head salesman forever chasing a manager position he will never get."
52749 9 19 Stairmageddon 7834 Dwight What does Josh McAuliffe know about the paper business? He works for a news...thing.
52750 9 19 Stairmageddon 7835 Nellie "Andy Bernard, the rudderless trust fund child-slash-middle manager, whose incompetence is emblematic of a declining American economy."
52751 9 19 Stairmageddon 7835 Phyllis Ouch. Sorry, Andy, that's-.
52752 9 19 Stairmageddon 7835 Andy It's okay. The hell does he know?
52753 9 19 Stairmageddon 7835 Nellie "A possible explanation for his lack of career focus is his surprising musical talent."
52754 9 19 Stairmageddon 7835 Andy I want you to print that out for me.
52755 9 19 Stairmageddon 7835 Nellie I will.
52756 9 19 Stairmageddon 7836 Andy Now that this documentary is coming out, my days at Dunder Mifflin are probably limited. And you know what? Good. Because this is not what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to be my generation's Lisa Loeb.
52757 9 19 Stairmageddon 7837 Erin "Though it mostly focuses on the daily realities of office life, a lurid subplot reveals the hypocrisy of a local public figure embroiled in a gay affair while preaching family values."
52758 9 19 Stairmageddon 7837 Nellie Oh! Which public figure?
52759 9 19 Stairmageddon 7837 Erin I bet it's Katie Couric. I've been saying this for years.
52760 9 19 Stairmageddon 7837 Phyllis No, I think they mean more like a politician.
52761 9 19 Stairmageddon 7837 Stanley You own the building. Why can't you fix the elevator in the middle of the night? Who do I look like? Jackie Joyner-Kersee?
52762 9 19 Stairmageddon 7837 Dwight Well, I did say it would be an inconvenience. You should have called me from downstairs. We could've met in the lobby. It's time to go out on a sale! Here we go.
52763 9 19 Stairmageddon 7837 Stanley Son, you've lost your mind. I'm not going anywhere until you fix my elevator.
52764 9 19 Stairmageddon 7837 Dwight The buyer is your sister's friend. This is the printing paper for the entire school district of Lackawanna. You are coming, and that's an order.
52765 9 19 Stairmageddon 7837 Stanley You are not my damn boss and you never will be! Guess what? Never gonna happen! Pete! Iced tea. Three sugars, five creams.
52766 9 19 Stairmageddon 7837 Pete Your morning 3-by-5. Coming right up.
52767 9 19 Stairmageddon 7838 Pam Well, we won't be late. I love you, mom. Thanks.
52768 9 19 Stairmageddon 7838 Nellie Oh, your mom's watching the kids tonight. So what are you two up to? Oh, um, Embassy Suites. "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door. Mommy and Daddy are on the floor.
52769 9 19 Stairmageddon 7838 Pam I wish.
52770 9 19 Stairmageddon 7838 Nellie What, then?
52771 9 19 Stairmageddon 7838 Pam Oh, nothing that exciting.
52772 9 19 Stairmageddon 7839 Nellie Marriage counseling?
52773 9 19 Stairmageddon 7839 Pam Hmm.
52774 9 19 Stairmageddon 7839 Nellie Did you know that is the only kind of counseling I have never had?
52775 9 19 Stairmageddon 7839 Pam You know, Jim's kind of nervous about it, but I think it could really help.
52776 9 19 Stairmageddon 7839 Nellie Mmm.
52777 9 19 Stairmageddon 7839 Pam I mean, we've having issues. It can't hurt to talk about them, right?
52778 9 19 Stairmageddon 7840 Jim Hey, Toby. Um, I wanted to ask you a question.
52779 9 19 Stairmageddon 7840 Toby Oh, sure.
52780 9 19 Stairmageddon 7840 Jim It's a little, uh, personal.
52781 9 19 Stairmageddon 7840 Toby Let's do it. Let's get personal.
52782 9 19 Stairmageddon 7840 Jim I wanted to talk to you about your divorce.
52783 9 19 Stairmageddon 7840 Toby Whoa.
52784 9 19 Stairmageddon 7840 Jim Sorry. Iâno, no, no, what I meantâwhat I meant actually wasâ
52785 9 19 Stairmageddon 7840 Toby Oh, yeah, no, it's okay. I can handle it. Um, so...
52786 9 19 Stairmageddon 7840 Jim You guys obviously went through some tough times leading up to it.
52787 9 19 Stairmageddon 7840 Jim Okay. I was wondering if you ever did any couple's counseling.
52788 9 19 Stairmageddon 7840 Toby Oh, sure, lots of times. Yeah. Wait, you and Pam aren't in couple's counseling, are you? Oh, God.
52789 9 19 Stairmageddon 7840 Jim No, no, no, no, no. Uh, we're just starting couple's counseling. Uh, which doesn't sound any better.
52790 9 19 Stairmageddon 7840 Toby Oh, you guys. Kelly called it. 2013. So sâhey! Hey! Hey, no! No! Get outta here. Clark, get outta here.
52791 9 19 Stairmageddon 7840 Clark My mistake.
52792 9 19 Stairmageddon 7840 Toby Yes, it is your mistake. He's lingering. So annoying. I'm gonna kill him. How can I help? I'm here.
52793 9 19 Stairmageddon 7840 Jim That's all right.
52794 9 19 Stairmageddon 7841 Andy Hello, William Morris Agency. I need to speak with your best agent who represents your biggest stars. Yes, I'll hold. I'm sorry. I misunderstood. Goodbye.
52795 9 19 Stairmageddon 7842 Angela Thank you, Stan. Oh, honey.  Look, I just want our life to get back to normal. Ribbon cuttings, charity balls.
52796 9 19 Stairmageddon 7842 Robert Don't worry. I've scheduled a press conference for later today. We just need to face the camera together. A beloved public servant and his devoted wife. And move on.
52797 9 19 Stairmageddon 7842 Angela All right, if I have to be the good wife, I'll be the best damn wife there is. Correction. Best darn wife. Sorry, I'm a better wife than that.
52798 9 19 Stairmageddon 7843 Dwight Andyâ I need to talk to you.
52799 9 19 Stairmageddon 7843 Andy Yeah, come on in. I'm just on hold with another talent agency. It's insane. This promo with me playing banjo has 250 views already. And every time I click, there's more. 251. 252. I can't even keep up!
52800 9 19 Stairmageddon 7843 Dwight Stanley is refusing to go out on a sales call.
52801 9 19 Stairmageddon 7843 Andy I hate people! Why do they never do what you need them to do? Stanley has to go. That's final.
52802 9 19 Stairmageddon 7843 Dwight So what I'm hearing you say is, "Make Stanley go out on the sales call by whatever means possible"?
52803 9 19 Stairmageddon 7843 Andy Yes! I'm sorry I'm being curt, it's just I'm about to land a top talent agent.
52804 9 19 Stairmageddon 7843 Dwight Mm-hmm. Good luck.
52805 9 19 Stairmageddon 7843 Andy Directory? Movie Star department. Back. Directory.
52806 9 19 Stairmageddon 7844 Dwight For five years I've held my instincts in check because I wanted to be made manager. Maybe it's time for me to just let that thought go. It's kind of painful, but it's also freeing in a way. Now it's all about my instincts.
52807 9 19 Stairmageddon 7845 Clark Hey, Dwight.
52808 9 19 Stairmageddon 7845 Dwight Stanley, one way or another, you are gonna come with me to make this sale.
52809 9 19 Stairmageddon 7845 Stanley Pass.
52810 9 19 Stairmageddon 7845 Clark Hey, c-c-can you just let me out of here before whatever comes next?
52811 9 19 Stairmageddon 7845 Dwight Don't worry, it's just a bull tranquilizer. Nothing to be alarmed about. It's just a man pointing a bull tranquilizer at a coworker.
52812 9 19 Stairmageddon 7845 Stanley Dwight, you do not learn, do you? For a threat to be credible, you haâ
52813 9 19 Stairmageddon 7845 Clark Holy .
52814 9 19 Stairmageddon 7845 Stanley No, you didn't. Sick of you and yourâoohâ
52815 9 19 Stairmageddon 7845 Dwight It's all right. Andy approved it.
52816 9 19 Stairmageddon 7846 Meredith Man, he's really in twinkle town now.
52817 9 19 Stairmageddon 7846 Clark Is he gonna be okay? I mean, weren't those darts intended for an animal, like, two to three times larger than him?
52818 9 19 Stairmageddon 7846 Dwight Okay, this dosage was meant for a very small bull, and Stanley's got way more body fat than they do.
52819 9 19 Stairmageddon 7846 Clark You gave him three shots.
52820 9 19 Stairmageddon 7846 Dwight Shh. Got about 45 minutes to get him to the client before he comes to. Grab his feet. Let's go!
52821 9 19 Stairmageddon 7846 Clark All right.
52822 9 19 Stairmageddon 7846 Dwight Move it! One, two, three.
52823 9 19 Stairmageddon 7847 Dwight He's like a manatee. Ready? Let's go again. Come on. We can do this. One, two, three! Oh, God. No wonder my elevator cables are under such strain.
52824 9 19 Stairmageddon 7847 Clark We gotta get a wheelbarrow or something.
52825 9 19 Stairmageddon 7847 Dwight Yes.
52826 9 19 Stairmageddon 7848 Dwight Okay, we're good. We're good. Let's go. Push!
52827 9 19 Stairmageddon 7848 Clark I am!
52828 9 19 Stairmageddon 7849 Clark Any good weekend plans?
52829 9 19 Stairmageddon 7849 Dwight I might see a movie.
52830 9 19 Stairmageddon 7849 Clark Nice.
52831 9 19 Stairmageddon 7849 Dwight What about you?
52832 9 19 Stairmageddon 7849 Clark Uh, I don't know yet.
52833 9 19 Stairmageddon 7849 Dwight Let's take himâ
52834 9 19 Stairmageddon 7849 Clark I was thinking about...
52835 9 19 Stairmageddon 7849 Dwight Let's go right to the top of the stairs, okay?
52836 9 19 Stairmageddon 7849 Clark And then what?
52837 9 19 Stairmageddon 7849 Dwight Okay, listen. I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this, but I've never actually done this before.
52838 9 19 Stairmageddon 7849 Clark Well, if I may, you're a natural.
52839 9 19 Stairmageddon 7849 Dwight Thank you. I mean, I've rehearsed it in my head like 1,000 times, but, uh...
52840 9 19 Stairmageddon 7849 Clark That's a little weird.
52841 9 19 Stairmageddon 7849 Dwight I know. Evel Knievel.
52842 9 19 Stairmageddon 7850 Clark That's about as good as that's gonna be.
52843 9 19 Stairmageddon 7850 Dwight Okay, now here's the plan. I'm gonna launch him. I need you to go to the bottom and catch him.
52844 9 19 Stairmageddon 7850 Clark Catch?
52845 9 19 Stairmageddon 7850 Dwight Yeah.
52846 9 19 Stairmageddon 7850 Clark I can't catch him. He's like, 250 pounds.
52847 9 19 Stairmageddon 7850 Dwight You use your hands and just blunt his descent, okay? He's gonna be moving slowly. It's onlyâ
52848 9 19 Stairmageddon 7850 Clark Blunt?
52849 9 19 Stairmageddon 7850 Dwight It's 15 feet down, it's at a 45-degree angle. Get set in your haunches, it's like your catching a medicineâ
52850 9 19 Stairmageddon 7850 Clark Dude, this size of my haunchesâ
52851 9 19 Stairmageddon 7850 Dwight Okay. Good call. He would have put a hole in your chest same as he put a hole in that wall.
52852 9 19 Stairmageddon 7850 Clark We should probably call a doctor or something, dude.
52853 9 19 Stairmageddon 7850 Dwight You okay?
52854 9 19 Stairmageddon 7851 Jim So how does it work? It's like, you know, the action of talking to a third party breaks up the log jam, or...
52855 9 19 Stairmageddon 7851 Toby You're really there to talk to each other. I would say that the therapist is more of a facilitator.
52856 9 19 Stairmageddon 7851 Jim Mm-hmm.
52857 9 19 Stairmageddon 7851 Toby He might start by asking each of you, "Why do you think you're here?"
52858 9 19 Stairmageddon 7852 Pam He took this job in Philly without telling me. He bought our house without telling me. At a certain point, he shouldn't be rewarded for that.
52859 9 19 Stairmageddon 7853 Jim If I didn't do certain things without telling Pam, she'd be married to Roy.
52860 9 19 Stairmageddon 7854 Pam I feel like he's always making these decisions for the family, and then I'm left playing catch-up.
52861 9 19 Stairmageddon 7855 Jim If she can just hang on for a little while longer, Iâthis will be so huge for our family.
52862 9 19 Stairmageddon 7855 Toby Well, what's a little while?
52863 9 19 Stairmageddon 7855 Jim What do you mean?
52864 9 19 Stairmageddon 7855 Toby I mean, what's the end date? It must be really hard for her to sign on to be unhappy if she doesn't know when it's gonna end.
52865 9 19 Stairmageddon 7855 Jim That's kind of an impossible question.
52866 9 19 Stairmageddon 7856 Erin Oh, guys, it's starting! Hurry!
52867 9 19 Stairmageddon 7856 Kevin Ooh, there's Angela! I work with her!
52868 9 19 Stairmageddon 7856 Andy Huh, yeah. I mean, I'm happy Angela's the first one getting famous, but it's a little weird, no? I mean, she can't sing or act, so it's actually kind of insane, if you think about it.
52869 9 19 Stairmageddon 7856 Phyllis Her hair looks beautiful.
52870 9 19 Stairmageddon 7856 Andy Yeah, we get it, Phyllis, she looks like a freakin' movie star!
52871 9 19 Stairmageddon 7856 Erin Andy!
52872 9 19 Stairmageddon 7856 Robert I would just to start by saying that there have been some rumors about my personal life that I would like to settle once and for all. As my long-suffering wife can attest... I am gay.
52873 9 19 Stairmageddon 7856 Reporter #1 Senator, were always gay, or did your wife turn you gay?
52874 9 19 Stairmageddon 7856 Reporter #2 Question for the Senator's beard.
52875 9 19 Stairmageddon 7857 Robert I'll say it again for mis amigos latinos. Yo soy homosexual.
52876 9 19 Stairmageddon 7857 Pete Poor Angela.
52877 9 19 Stairmageddon 7857 Phyllis Yeah. Poor Angela.
52878 9 19 Stairmageddon 7857 Robert I once believed that a gay person could be somewhat straight. It wasn't until my marriage to Angela that I realized how...charmless I find the female body.
52879 9 19 Stairmageddon 7857 Meredith Oof. Always hurts to hear that one.
52880 9 19 Stairmageddon 7857 Robert There's someone else I need to thank. His name is Oscar Martinez.
52881 9 19 Stairmageddon 7857 Andy Come on!
52882 9 19 Stairmageddon 7857 Robert Oscar is the one who opened my eyes to who I really am. For the first timeâ
52883 9 19 Stairmageddon 7857 Erin Oscar is with the Senator too?
52884 9 19 Stairmageddon 7857 Kevin Yes! And I knew it the whole time! I kept the secret. I kept the secret so good. You didn't know, you didn't know, and you didn't freaking know. But I knew!
52885 9 19 Stairmageddon 7857 Oscar He knew!
52886 9 19 Stairmageddon 7857 Kevin Yes, we did it!
52887 9 19 Stairmageddon 7857 Oscar You did it, Kevin.
52888 9 19 Stairmageddon 7857 Kevin Yes! Ohh! I did it. Ohh, I did it.
52889 9 19 Stairmageddon 7857 Robert #NAME?
52890 9 19 Stairmageddon 7857 Oscar What?!
52891 9 19 Stairmageddon 7857 Creed Wesley Silver's gay?
52892 9 19 Stairmageddon 7857 Kevin Ohh.
52893 9 19 Stairmageddon 7857 Creed They make a nice couple.
52894 9 19 Stairmageddon 7858 Dwight Almost there. Almost there. Okay. We're running late. Let's get him inside.
52895 9 19 Stairmageddon 7858 Clark We can't just leave him bubble wrapped like this.
52896 9 19 Stairmageddon 7858 Dwight Are you kidding me? The bubble wrap is the only thing that's stopping his suit from getting wrinkled. These meetings are all about presentation.
52897 9 19 Stairmageddon 7858 Clark That's actually really smart.
52898 9 19 Stairmageddon 7858 Dwight Thank you.
52899 9 19 Stairmageddon 7858 Clark God, if only there was any other use or situation for that kind of knowledge.
52900 9 19 Stairmageddon 7858 Dwight Let's get him inside.
52901 9 19 Stairmageddon 7859 Andy Carla Fern is not just an actor's agent. She does writers, directors, travel, and real estate.
52902 9 19 Stairmageddon 7860 Andy Actor?
52903 9 19 Stairmageddon 7860 Man Oh, no. Well, I have an act. Dog, cat, mouse.
52904 9 19 Stairmageddon 7860 Andy Yeah, wow, cool. Is it hard to train them to do that?
52905 9 19 Stairmageddon 7860 Man Eh, you go through a lot of mice.
52906 9 19 Stairmageddon 7861 Man If started by accident as these things tend to do. You know, I was setting down my cat, and I accidently put her on top of my dog, and I was, like, so mad at myself at first. And then I was, like, wait. Wait a second.
52907 9 19 Stairmageddon 7862 Andy Does anything go on top of the mouse?
52908 9 19 Stairmageddon 7862 Man Yeah. Little hat.
52909 9 19 Stairmageddon 7862 Andy Aw, that's cute.
52910 9 19 Stairmageddon 7862 Man Yeah.
52911 9 19 Stairmageddon 7862 Andy What's the mouse's name?
52912 9 19 Stairmageddon 7862 Man Eh, you know, it really doesn't make sense to name the mice. They're kinda like cannon fodder, you know? You're not one of those PETA guys , are you? Oh, great.
52913 9 19 Stairmageddon 7863 Clark Hey, wait, wait, howâhow are we doing this?
52914 9 19 Stairmageddon 7863 Dwight Well, I'll grab the forelegs, and you push his hindquarters.
52915 9 19 Stairmageddon 7863 Clark Just say "arms" and "legs," okay? That justâthat's the vernacular that I'm comfortable with.
52916 9 19 Stairmageddon 7863 Dwight Fine, let's go.
52917 9 19 Stairmageddon 7863 Dwight Hoist his shank on three.
52918 9 19 Stairmageddon 7863 Clark WhaâWhat's a shank?
52919 9 19 Stairmageddon 7863 Dwight It's by the tenderloin.
52920 9 19 Stairmageddon 7864 Dwight Roll him, roll him, roll him. Good. Good. Okay, careful, he's slouching. Okay, can youâsl-slouch him into the seat. Here. Here. Go around and get his seatbelt.
52921 9 19 Stairmageddon 7864 Clark All right.
52922 9 19 Stairmageddon 7864 Dwight Got it?
52923 9 19 Stairmageddon 7864 Clark Yeahâyup yup.
52924 9 19 Stairmageddon 7864 Dwight Get in the back.
52925 9 19 Stairmageddon 7864 Clark What?
52926 9 19 Stairmageddon 7864 Dwight Get in the back.
52927 9 19 Stairmageddon 7864 Clark Aw, come on.
52928 9 19 Stairmageddon 7864 Dwight Get in.
52929 9 19 Stairmageddon 7864 Clark Damn it.
52930 9 19 Stairmageddon 7865 Dwight Okay, Stanley? Do you understand what we're about to do?
52931 9 19 Stairmageddon 7865 Stanley Helllloooo!
52932 9 19 Stairmageddon 7865 Clark Okay. We, heyâhey, listen, listen. We are going to go discuss paper contracts for city of Lackawanna public schools, okay?
52933 9 19 Stairmageddon 7865 Stanley Pigeons.
52934 9 19 Stairmageddon 7865 Dwight Oh, God, this is bad. Looks like we've got no choice. You, my friend, are going to have to be Stanley Hudson.
52935 9 19 Stairmageddon 7865 Clark Isn't the client, like, best friends with his sister?
52936 9 19 Stairmageddon 7865 Dwight New plan, okay? We get him a cup of coffee and we go back to the old plan. Let's go! Gimme a hand. Here we go. Come on, Stanley! Here we go. Upsie-doozie. There we go. Okay, all right. Come on, big guy. You can walk, right? Yeah. What a pretty smile. Let's go.
52937 9 19 Stairmageddon 7866 Pam I'm sure Athlead will be a huge success. But I don't want him to do it anymore, and I don't want to give him an ultimatum, but I am not moving our family to Philly.
52938 9 19 Stairmageddon 7867 Jim Well, if Pam says she won't go, thenâ we're gonna need a lot more than counseling. Hmph.
52939 9 19 Stairmageddon 7868 Nellie That was exhausting.
52940 9 19 Stairmageddon 7868 Toby Blah blah blah blah. Jim.
52941 9 19 Stairmageddon 7868 Nellie Well, they deserve each other, then.
52942 9 19 Stairmageddon 7868 Toby They do. That they do.
52943 9 19 Stairmageddon 7868 Nellie That is for sure.
52944 9 19 Stairmageddon 7868 Toby That they do.
52945 9 19 Stairmageddon 7869 Dwight And forâoh, whoopsie daisy.
52946 9 19 Stairmageddon 7869 Mrs. Davis Stanley, what is going on here?
52947 9 19 Stairmageddon 7869 Dwight He's fine. He gets carsick really easily.
52948 9 19 Stairmageddon 7869 Clark Driving.
52949 9 19 Stairmageddon 7869 Dwight It's a long drive. He was in the backseat. But right now we're talking to Mrs. Davis about the full range of the products that we offer and our competitive rates, right, Stanley?
52950 9 19 Stairmageddon 7869 Stanley Ooh-hoo, look at that baby...
52951 9 19 Stairmageddon 7869 Dwight Stanley.
52952 9 19 Stairmageddon 7869 Stanley Ohhh...
52953 9 19 Stairmageddon 7869 Mrs. Davis That's Benji in the middle.
52954 9 19 Stairmageddon 7869 Stanley That's Benji. Oh, he's precious. That's a healthy-looking baby.
52955 9 19 Stairmageddon 7869 Mrs. Davis Very special little boy.
52956 9 19 Stairmageddon 7869 Dwight Look at him. I've never seen such a beautiful child.
52957 9 19 Stairmageddon 7869 Mrs. Davis Funny sense of humor. If you push on his nose, he'll go, "eee."
52958 9 19 Stairmageddon 7869 Dwight Like this? Watch.
52959 9 19 Stairmageddon 7869 Stanley Eee.
52960 9 19 Stairmageddon 7869 Mrs. Davis Like that.
52961 9 19 Stairmageddon 7869 Stanley A beautiful family.
52962 9 19 Stairmageddon 7870 Dwight Right? Come on!
52963 9 19 Stairmageddon 7871 Dwight Yeah, maybe I'll never be manager, but I just managed to get our most stubborn salesman to close a sale with one of our biggest clients, and I must say, it's the most pleasant I've ever seen Stanley. I think we should consider injecting him with bull tranquilizer on a daily basis.
52964 9 19 Stairmageddon 7871 Carla So, what can you do?
52965 9 19 Stairmageddon 7871 Andy Well, what can't I do? Right, I can sing, I can dance, I can play the banjo, innit? And if you hadn't noticed, I've got a pretty good British accent.
52966 9 19 Stairmageddon 7871 Carla Can you drive a car?
52967 9 19 Stairmageddon 7871 Andy At the risk of sounding arrogant, I did drive myself here.
52968 9 19 Stairmageddon 7871 Carla Why do you have, uh, a high school musical here on your resume? What are you, like, 40? 45?
52969 9 19 Stairmageddon 7871 Andy My exact age is 28 to 34, so basically just send me out on whatever Jake Gyllenhaal's going out on.
52970 9 19 Stairmageddon 7871 Carla Gyllenhaal, got it. Can you juggle and crap?
52971 9 19 Stairmageddon 7871 Andy Yes. And yes.
52972 9 19 Stairmageddon 7871 Carla Would you dress up as, say, a birthday clown and go to a kid's party, let â˜em throw pies at ya?
52973 9 19 Stairmageddon 7871 Andy Whereas that is not why I have entered show business, I do understand that you have to build credibility. I'm all for it.
52974 9 19 Stairmageddon 7871 Carla Well, Mr. Bernard, I'm gonna be honest with you.
52975 9 19 Stairmageddon 7871 Andy Well, at least I tried. Thank you very much.
52976 9 19 Stairmageddon 7871 Carla Uh, no. We'reâwe're gonna take you on as a client.
52977 9 19 Stairmageddon 7871 Andy You are? Yes! Yes. Are you being for real right now? Oh, man. Ah, yes! I need this so bad. I really think this is what could fix me.
52978 9 19 Stairmageddon 7871 Carla We are extremely excited to be working with you too, sir. Pay Todd on your way out.
52979 9 19 Stairmageddon 7872 Andy Most talent agents take 10% of whatever jobs they get you, but with Carla you pay a flat rate of $5,000 up front. And that includes headshots.
52980 9 19 Stairmageddon 7872 Todd Uh, it doesn't include headshots.
52981 9 19 Stairmageddon 7872 Andy It doesn't include headshots.
52982 9 19 Stairmageddon 7872 Todd No.
52983 9 19 Stairmageddon 7872 Andy Well, of course not, because that would be insane if it did. Still getting a bargain, though.
52984 9 19 Stairmageddon 7873 Stanley So I just smiled and complimented her grandkids, and we closed it?
52985 9 19 Stairmageddon 7873 Dwight You earned yourself a nice, fat commission and you didn't even know it. I'll go tell Andy the good news. Oh. Silly me. Gotta take the stairs.
52986 9 19 Stairmageddon 7873 Stanley Oh, no, I'm not doing that again. You got me down, you gotta get me back up.
52987 9 19 Stairmageddon 7873 Dwight Wellâno, noânâ
52988 9 19 Stairmageddon 7873 Dwight We need a winch and a hoist.
52989 9 20 Paper Airplane 7874 Erin Oh. Hey, champions.
52990 9 20 Paper Airplane 7874 Toby Good morning.
52991 9 20 Paper Airplane 7874 Clark Quater finals in an hour. Hope you got some sleep cause I am going to be haunting your nightmares tonight.
52992 9 20 Paper Airplane 7874 Erin I did. I got some really good sleep.
52993 9 20 Paper Airplane 7874 Clark Did you?
52994 9 20 Paper Airplane 7874 Erin Bzzz.
52995 9 20 Paper Airplane 7875 Dwight Yesterday was the first round of a branch wide paper airplane contest. It was being sponsored by Weyer-Hammer Paper in an effort to get us to sell more of their new product Airstream Deluxe A4, the Cadillac of paper. It's not so easy on the environment, if you know what I mean. Practically made of plastic.
52996 9 20 Paper Airplane 7876 Nellie We started with sixteen brave aviators. Some use skill , others relied on showmanship others seem not to comprehend what a paper airplane is. And of course, there was the odd moment of heartbreak and disaster.
52997 9 20 Paper Airplane 7877 Toby Hey I left my glasses down here somewhere. Crossing through, beep beep.
52998 9 20 Paper Airplane 7877 Toby Ow! Ow!
52999 9 20 Paper Airplane 7877 Pam I didn't see you! You should have yelled "Crossing!"
53000 9 20 Paper Airplane 7877 Toby I'm sorry!
53001 9 20 Paper Airplane 7877 Pam Ok, so is that my spot?
53002 9 20 Paper Airplane 7878 Nellie We are now down to an elite eight. Well, seven and Toby.
53003 9 20 Paper Airplane 7879 Andy Be careful of that beaker, it contains dangerous acid!
53004 9 20 Paper Airplane 7879 Darryl It does not say dangerous. And there's no exclamation point.
53005 9 20 Paper Airplane 7879 Andy Well I'm just trying to bring some life to it.
53006 9 20 Paper Airplane 7880 Andy Last week I got an agent and uh, this week I got a movie. HRPDC chemical handling protocols. It's gonna be seen by tons of workers in the industrial chemical community. One of whom could have a cousin whose brother's Brad Pitt. And boom, next thing you know, I'm in Moneyballs Two.
53007 9 20 Paper Airplane 7881 Toby Andy?
53008 9 20 Paper Airplane 7881 Andy Go away, we're running lines.
53009 9 20 Paper Airplane 7881 Toby You wanted to see the gooey eye.
53010 9 20 Paper Airplane 7881 Andy Oh yeah. Alright, get over here. I am so freaked out by things going into eyes. I just- wow. Uggggh! I can't even, I'm so freaked out by that, just go. Go go go go go.
53011 9 20 Paper Airplane 7881 Toby Alright, it's getting gooier so we'll just do it later.
53012 9 20 Paper Airplane 7881 Andy Yeah, Ok. Alright. Where were we?
53013 9 20 Paper Airplane 7881 Darryl Something full of acid.
53014 9 20 Paper Airplane 7881 Andy And remember: Do not attempt to extinguish a chemical fire with water. You will only exacerbate the flame. The dangerous flame.
53015 9 20 Paper Airplane 7881 Darryl That was great man. Alright, I'm out of here.
53016 9 20 Paper Airplane 7881 Andy W-w-w-wait. Stop stop stop. Don't go anywhere. I just need to find more colors. Let's do it six more times.
53017 9 20 Paper Airplane 7882 Jim Hey. I just wanted to say that you woke up early with the kids and let me sleep and I really appreciate that.
53018 9 20 Paper Airplane 7882 Pam Thank you. I appreciate that you appreciate that.
53019 9 20 Paper Airplane 7883 Pam So, we had couple's therapy.
53020 9 20 Paper Airplane 7883 Jim No shame in that. Get it all out in the open.
53021 9 20 Paper Airplane 7883 Pam And we have homework.
53022 9 20 Paper Airplane 7883 Jim Yes, we are supposed to look for every chance to acknowledge and appreciate each other's sacrifices. Because I need to appreciate what Pam's been doing to run the house while I'm in Philly.
53023 9 20 Paper Airplane 7883 Pam And we're also supposed to speak our truths.
53024 9 20 Paper Airplane 7883 Jim Mmhm.
53025 9 20 Paper Airplane 7883 Pam Because if I had spoken my truth sooner about not wanting to move to Philly, then maybe we wouldn't have had this opportunity for couple's therapy.
53026 9 20 Paper Airplane 7883 Jim Oh, we're supposed to call everything we don't want to do "opportunities."
53027 9 20 Paper Airplane 7884 Andy Heads up everyone. If you really need something from me today, let's get it done tomorrow. Carla Fern got me a gig.
53028 9 20 Paper Airplane 7884 Pam Hey!
53029 9 20 Paper Airplane 7884 Andy Yeah.
53030 9 20 Paper Airplane 7884 Stanley Who's Carla Fern?
53031 9 20 Paper Airplane 7884 Andy Who is Carla Fern? Well, wow. Uh, she's my agent and my drill sargent. And one of my best friends. Oh, and Oscar, I already figured it out. If I have to get emotional in the film, I'm just going to think about you getting dumped by the Senator.
53032 9 20 Paper Airplane 7884 Oscar Why wouldn't you use your own life? Erin just dumped you.
53033 9 20 Paper Airplane 7884 Andy Little raw. Not cool Oscar.
53034 9 20 Paper Airplane 7884 Oscar But you just!
53035 9 20 Paper Airplane 7884 Andy Not cool.
53036 9 20 Paper Airplane 7884 Nellie Hey. Day two. Drama in the warehouse skies. This is Robert from Weyer-Hammer Paper, who will be joining us to judge the final rounds.
53037 9 20 Paper Airplane 7884 Robert Who's pumped for the quarter finals, huh?
53038 9 20 Paper Airplane 7884 Dwight I'm pumped!
53039 9 20 Paper Airplane 7884 Erin Clark's a dead man.
53040 9 20 Paper Airplane 7884 Robert Alright. Sounds like somebody wants to walk away with this.
53041 9 20 Paper Airplane 7884 Angela Oh my god!
53042 9 20 Paper Airplane 7884 Group Whoa.
53043 9 20 Paper Airplane 7884 Angela Nellie you didn't tell us we could win money.
53044 9 20 Paper Airplane 7884 Nellie Oh yes I did, I told you all. It was..um, cause that's an awful lot of money for me to forget.
53045 9 20 Paper Airplane 7884 Stanley Not one of us remembers you saying anything about two thousand dollars.
53046 9 20 Paper Airplane 7885 Nellie I forgot. I completely forgot. But at least now that large piece of cardboard that man was carrying around makes sense.
53047 9 20 Paper Airplane 7886 Erin Nellie, this is a competition. Please take it seriously.
53048 9 20 Paper Airplane 7886 Nellie Oh please.
53049 9 20 Paper Airplane 7887 Angela Me? Oh, I'm fine. I mean, sure, times are leaner now that I'm separated from the Senator. But my new studio apartment is just fine for me.. and Phillip... and Tinky... and Crinklepuss, and Bandit 2, and Pawlick Baggins, and Lady Aragorn and their 10 kittens.
53050 9 20 Paper Airplane 7888 Angela Come here, come here. Let's go.
53051 9 20 Paper Airplane 7889 Angela I had a chance with Dwight, but I didn't take it. And if I went back now, when I'm broke and he just inherited a farm, I'd be one of those gold-digging tramps you read about that try to bag a farmer.
53052 9 20 Paper Airplane 7890 Dwight I offered myself to Angela and she turned me down. If she changes her mind, the next move is hers. I'm with Esther now. She's younger than Angela, sturdier, more comfortable with the scent of a manured field. Let's be honest. When it came to manured fields, Angela was at best indifferent.
53053 9 20 Paper Airplane 7891 Clark Oh, wide wings, interesting.
53054 9 20 Paper Airplane 7891 Erin Hey. Why don't you back off?...I mean best of luck to you in the competition.
53055 9 20 Paper Airplane 7892 Erin Growing up in an orphanage, you have to fight other kids. For everything. Snacks, pillows, parents. I'm kinda worried about Pete seeing that side of me. I once ripped greedy Susan's pigtail right off her head. Just for a handful of Crispix.
53056 9 20 Paper Airplane 7893 Carla Fern Are you in that paper documentary too?
53057 9 20 Paper Airplane 7893 Darryl Yep.
53058 9 20 Paper Airplane 7893 Carla Fern Do you need an agent?
53059 9 20 Paper Airplane 7893 Andy No. He's- I mean, you've never acted in anything before. He's just my entourage.
53060 9 20 Paper Airplane 7893 Darryl I was in The Whiz in high school.
53061 9 20 Paper Airplane 7894 Andy That's the cleaky clacker! He clicks that and then the guy says "action."
53062 9 20 Paper Airplane 7894 Carla Fern Hey, I made them get you a chair. All my clients sit.
53063 9 20 Paper Airplane 7895 Woman Can I take your picture?
53064 9 20 Paper Airplane 7895 Andy I guess it's starting. Um, yeah. Of course. Yeah sure. Tell you what. I'll put my arm around you and then I can take it-
53065 9 20 Paper Airplane 7895 Woman We just need a picture of the top of your head in case we burn some of your hair off.
53066 9 20 Paper Airplane 7895 Andy Got it.
53067 9 20 Paper Airplane 7895 Woman No, if you could just keep it down until..
53068 9 20 Paper Airplane 7895 Andy Sorry.
53069 9 20 Paper Airplane 7896 Nellie OK, next up we have two creatures great and small. Kevin versus Angela.
53070 9 20 Paper Airplane 7896 Kevin Yes!
53071 9 20 Paper Airplane 7896 Dwight Hey, that is a really nice plane. You make that yourself?
53072 9 20 Paper Airplane 7896 Kevin Uh huh.
53073 9 20 Paper Airplane 7896 Dwight Well, what am I thinking? Of course you made that yourself. Cause it's in the rules that you have to fold your own plane.
53074 9 20 Paper Airplane 7896 Kevin Of course.
53075 9 20 Paper Airplane 7896 Nellie Kevin, did you make that yourself?
53076 9 20 Paper Airplane 7896 Kevin Yes. In a way. From one that I bought on Craigslist.
53077 9 20 Paper Airplane 7896 Nellie Oh man.
53078 9 20 Paper Airplane 7896 Dwight I call for a refold!
53079 9 20 Paper Airplane 7896 Kevin No.
53080 9 20 Paper Airplane 7896 Angela Really? Thank you.
53081 9 20 Paper Airplane 7896 Kevin This is flatter.
53082 9 20 Paper Airplane 7896 Dwight It's a piece of paper. You fold it into an airplane.
53083 9 20 Paper Airplane 7897 Nellie Ok, that's enough. This is the end of the ring now. You have to pick one.
53084 9 20 Paper Airplane 7897 Kevin I can't. I love them all too much. And, none of them fly. So that makes it harder.
53085 9 20 Paper Airplane 7897 Nellie You have to choose one now.
53086 9 20 Paper Airplane 7897 Kevin Fine.
53087 9 20 Paper Airplane 7897 Nellie Angela advances.
53088 9 20 Paper Airplane 7897 Erin Nice.
53089 9 20 Paper Airplane 7897 Dwight Whoo!
53090 9 20 Paper Airplane 7898 Angela Was Dwight rooting for me? Hmm. I hadn't noticed.
53091 9 20 Paper Airplane 7899 Kevin I'm not giving up. I'm going to keep making planes until one of them flies. Like Wilbur and Orville Redenbacher.
53092 9 20 Paper Airplane 7900 Jim An Earl Grey tea for the lady.
53093 9 20 Paper Airplane 7900 Pam Oh, thank you. I acknowledge and appreciate that you went out of your way to get me tea.
53094 9 20 Paper Airplane 7900 Jim Thank you. I like being appreciated. But, to speak my truth, it wasn't out of the way because I felt like a tea anyway. So, one trip.
53095 9 20 Paper Airplane 7900 Pam Well, to speak my truth, I switched to coffee in March. There's a new espresso machine. But I still acknowledge and appreciate the gesture.
53096 9 20 Paper Airplane 7901 Director We are rolling and...action!
53097 9 20 Paper Airplane 7901 Andy This video is to demonstrate the HPRDC chemical handling protocols. These protocols could save you from severe injury, even death.
53098 9 20 Paper Airplane 7901 Producer Ok, um, stop. Um, why are you smiling so much?
53099 9 20 Paper Airplane 7901 Andy Just made a character choice to be a scientist who really likes what he does and enjoys his job.
53100 9 20 Paper Airplane 7901 Director Ok, well maybe no smiling on this one.
53101 9 20 Paper Airplane 7901 Andy So how do you want, how should I do it?
53102 9 20 Paper Airplane 7901 Director I don't know, just like you're reporting the news or something. Ok?
53103 9 20 Paper Airplane 7901 Andy This video is to demonstrate the HPRDC chemical handling protocols.
53104 9 20 Paper Airplane 7901 Director Ok.
53105 9 20 Paper Airplane 7901 Andy It's Tom Brokaw, it's a newscaster.
53106 9 20 Paper Airplane 7901 Director Who was that?
53107 9 20 Paper Airplane 7901 Andy Tom Brokaw!
53108 9 20 Paper Airplane 7902 Dwight Come on Clark!
53109 9 20 Paper Airplane 7902 Angela Come on Clark.
53110 9 20 Paper Airplane 7902 Dwight Whoa!
53111 9 20 Paper Airplane 7902 Erin Yeah! Oh! Eat it piggy! Eat it! Oink oink oink oink!
53112 9 20 Paper Airplane 7902 Clark We've still gotta work together, so we should keep it civil.
53113 9 20 Paper Airplane 7902 Erin I can't hear what you said. You got your slop?
53114 9 20 Paper Airplane 7902 Clark You know what, this is completely unnecessary. You already won...
53115 9 20 Paper Airplane 7902 Pete Erin! Erin! Just stop.
53116 9 20 Paper Airplane 7902 Erin What?
53117 9 20 Paper Airplane 7902 Pete Relax.
53118 9 20 Paper Airplane 7903 Nellie Next up we have Dwight and Phyllis.
53119 9 20 Paper Airplane 7903 Bob Vance You can do it baby!
53120 9 20 Paper Airplane 7903 Angela No you can't baby! Good luck.
53121 9 20 Paper Airplane 7903 Dwight Watch and learn.
53122 9 20 Paper Airplane 7903 Erin Wow.
53123 9 20 Paper Airplane 7903 Group Oh!
53124 9 20 Paper Airplane 7903 Nellie Dwight defeats Phyllis, Dwight you are through to the semi-finals.
53125 9 20 Paper Airplane 7903 Dwight Yes!
53126 9 20 Paper Airplane 7903 Angela Whoo!
53127 9 20 Paper Airplane 7903 Dwight Oh, Esther.
53128 9 20 Paper Airplane 7903 Esther Hey.
53129 9 20 Paper Airplane 7903 Dwight What are you- You're here early.
53130 9 20 Paper Airplane 7903 Esther Yeah, I plucked the chickens extra fast cause I knew I was seeing you tonight. There might just be a little feather in your nuggets or a little bit of meat inside of your pillow.
53131 9 20 Paper Airplane 7903 Dwight I like a little feather in my nuggets.
53132 9 20 Paper Airplane 7903 Nellie Alright ladies and gentlemen, we are down to the final four. Dwight, Erin, Angela and god only knows how, but Toby. One of you will walk away with two thousand dollars.
53133 9 20 Paper Airplane 7903 Erin Yeah!
53134 9 20 Paper Airplane 7904 Director Ok here you have just knocked over the beaker, the chemicals splashed in your eye.
53135 9 20 Paper Airplane 7904 Andy Which is insanely painful.
53136 9 20 Paper Airplane 7904 Director Yeah.
53137 9 20 Paper Airplane 7904 Andy And I've already picked a few childhood memories to tap in to, to really express that pain.
53138 9 20 Paper Airplane 7904 Director That's great. So what you're gonna do then is come over here to the eye washing station and then just kinda flush out your eyes. You know, get the chemicals out. Alright?
53139 9 20 Paper Airplane 7904 Andy So I just lean over this thing and then you'll add the water special effect later?
53140 9 20 Paper Airplane 7904 Director What water special effect?
53141 9 20 Paper Airplane 7904 Producer Yeah, yeah just hold your lids open with one hand and let the stream bathe your eyeballs.
53142 9 20 Paper Airplane 7904 Andy I'm not comfortable doing my own stunts. I'll get nude if you want me to, I'll go full Lena Dunham but I-
53143 9 20 Paper Airplane 7904 Director Dude, we don't need you to go nude, OK? So just do the eyewash, Ok? That's all we're asking.
53144 9 20 Paper Airplane 7905 Andy Darryl, what do I do?
53145 9 20 Paper Airplane 7905 Darryl Hold up, I'm looking at my spit with a microscope.
53146 9 20 Paper Airplane 7905 Andy They want me to use real water in the eye wash scene.
53147 9 20 Paper Airplane 7905 Darryl So?
53148 9 20 Paper Airplane 7905 Andy I can't squirt stuff in my eyeball. I've never even used an eye dropper.
53149 9 20 Paper Airplane 7905 Production Assistant So Andy, so you know how to use this. You step on the pedal, water squirts in your eyes.
53150 9 20 Paper Airplane 7905 Andy Carla! Carla!
53151 9 20 Paper Airplane 7906 Nellie It is time for a little T & A. I give you: Toby and Angela.
53152 9 20 Paper Airplane 7906 Angela Oh my god! Oh my god. Ok it's your turn.
53153 9 20 Paper Airplane 7906 Nellie Well, Angela is the winner.
53154 9 20 Paper Airplane 7906 Angela Yes!
53155 9 20 Paper Airplane 7906 Esther Is there a reason that we're excited for that little woman?
53156 9 20 Paper Airplane 7906 Dwight Yes. I pity her. She was recently in a situation where she could have had it all, and instead she lost everything.
53157 9 20 Paper Airplane 7906 Esther Oh. Is she a gambler?
53158 9 20 Paper Airplane 7906 Dwight In a way. But not in a stand up and cheer kind of way, like the song.
53159 9 20 Paper Airplane 7906 Esther Hmm. That is sad.
53160 9 20 Paper Airplane 7907 Carla Fern Andy! If you don't stick your eyes in that machine, I'm going to call every production in North Eastern Pennsylvania. You won't even make an appearance on a security camera!
53161 9 20 Paper Airplane 7907 Producer What's the hold up here?
53162 9 20 Paper Airplane 7907 Director The actor's crying.
53163 9 20 Paper Airplane 7907 Producer Oh god.
53164 9 20 Paper Airplane 7908 Andy She yelled at me. I can't wash my eyeball. I can't do that. I can't.
53165 9 20 Paper Airplane 7908 Darryl Andy Bernard can't squirt water in his eye and act like it doesn't freak him out. But you know who can? Older Male Lab Assistant Number One.
53166 9 20 Paper Airplane 7908 Andy Do you believe in me?
53167 9 20 Paper Airplane 7908 Darryl I believe I want to go home.
53168 9 20 Paper Airplane 7909 Dwight Yeah! Ok! Beat that! Whoo! Ok.
53169 9 20 Paper Airplane 7909 Erin Dammit! Dammit, god. Sorry. Yeah I'm fine. I'm fine. I got mad. Cause I don't like losing. I'm just gonna- Sorry I'm mad! I'm mad, I'm really mad. I wanted to win. We were gonna win a lot of money, I was gonna buy you a sweater. It's stupid. Just the whole contest is stupid. That's how it feels.
53170 9 20 Paper Airplane 7909 Pete Yeah. Whoa!
53171 9 20 Paper Airplane 7909 Erin Sorry I'm mad! I don't like losing! I thought I was going to win!
53172 9 20 Paper Airplane 7909 Pete Ok Hey hey hey, whoa.
53173 9 20 Paper Airplane 7909 Erin Sorry. Sorry. I'm going to go upstairs and just...
53174 9 20 Paper Airplane 7910 Pam Oh, I made us a date to take my mom out to dinner to thank her for all that extra babysitting.
53175 9 20 Paper Airplane 7910 Jim Well, you know how much I appreciate the opportunity to hang out with your mom more. So let me just put this in my calendar.
53176 9 20 Paper Airplane 7910 Pam I acknowledge with gratitude that you are being kind and responsible enough to include it in your calendar.
53177 9 20 Paper Airplane 7910 Jim Thank you. Your mom is a treasure.
53178 9 20 Paper Airplane 7910 Pam Well, I appreciate that some opportunities can be unpleasant-
53179 9 20 Paper Airplane 7910 Jim Hey that's work, hold on. Hey Wade, did Cole Hamels call back or what? Great. Good.
53180 9 20 Paper Airplane 7910 Pam Uh, to speak my truth, I'd appreciate if you hung that up cause we were in the middle of a conversation. I appreciate the sacrifice.
53181 9 20 Paper Airplane 7910 Jim Ok to speak my truth, that was a little sarcastic. I think that's a little unfair.
53182 9 20 Paper Airplane 7910 Pam Really? I've been putting the kids to bed by myself every night for a months. And you had to miss one phone call. Is that your truth, Jim? That's really your truth?
53183 9 20 Paper Airplane 7910 Jim I guess I will swallow my truth.
53184 9 20 Paper Airplane 7910 Clark Are you guys high? Because if so, to speak my truth, I would appreciate the sacrifice of including me in some hits off your kind buds.
53185 9 20 Paper Airplane 7910 Pam We're not high.
53186 9 20 Paper Airplane 7911 Pam I wish we'd started this exercise six months ago. My heart just feels so... blocked up.
53187 9 20 Paper Airplane 7912 Kevin The Mark 47 is ready for launch. Less paste.
53188 9 20 Paper Airplane 7913 Director Here we go. Rolling and... action!
53189 9 20 Paper Airplane 7913 Andy AHHH! AHHH! AHHH! AHHH!!
53190 9 20 Paper Airplane 7913 Director And cut. We can fix the sound in post.
53191 9 20 Paper Airplane 7913 Producer Yeah.
53192 9 20 Paper Airplane 7913 Andy I can do a better one.
53193 9 20 Paper Airplane 7913 Producer That's fine, we'll move on.
53194 9 20 Paper Airplane 7913 Andy I said I can do a better one. Darryl...
53195 9 20 Paper Airplane 7913 Darryl Action!
53196 9 20 Paper Airplane 7913 Andy AHH! AHH! AHH!
53197 9 20 Paper Airplane 7913 Carla Fern Kid can act!
53198 9 20 Paper Airplane 7913 Andy Yeah! Yeah.
53199 9 20 Paper Airplane 7914 Nellie Each contestant will throw two aeroplanes.
53200 9 20 Paper Airplane 7914 Dwight After you.
53201 9 20 Paper Airplane 7914 Angela Thank you. Oh god!
53202 9 20 Paper Airplane 7914 Nellie Angela's first throw, terrible. Dwight.
53203 9 20 Paper Airplane 7914 Dwight Oh! Oh man! It slipped out of my hand, what a whiff. Ah, how'd that happen? God.
53204 9 20 Paper Airplane 7914 Esther We want you to win. Dwight told me about your situation. It's such a pity. Use the money wisely.
53205 9 20 Paper Airplane 7914 Dwight Alright.
53206 9 20 Paper Airplane 7914 Angela Don't you dare tank this.
53207 9 20 Paper Airplane 7914 Nellie And we have a winner. And it's Dwight. And it is everyone because this is over.
53208 9 20 Paper Airplane 7914 Creed Two grand huh? I know a guy who can turn that into eight hundred dollars. And it's me.
53209 9 20 Paper Airplane 7914 Angela Well, I guess you needed the money more than me huh? Use it wisely.
53210 9 20 Paper Airplane 7915 Angela I was disappointed in Dwight today. He showed a weakness that was unbecoming. Even if he did do it for me. I don't need pity and I don't need charity. I have my dignity and that's enough. And as long as I have that, I'll be ok.
53211 9 20 Paper Airplane 7916 Jim I know this was really weird, and it was really hard. But I think we're making progress. So I'm really sorry that I have to go but let's keep at this. Ok?
53212 9 20 Paper Airplane 7916 Pam Ok.
53213 9 20 Paper Airplane 7917 Pam Jim!
53214 9 20 Paper Airplane 7917 Jim Thanks.
53215 9 20 Paper Airplane 7917 Pam Alright, have a good trip.
53216 9 20 Paper Airplane 7917 Jim Bye.
53217 9 20 Paper Airplane 7917 Pam Bye.
53218 9 20 Paper Airplane 7917 Jim Hey! I...
53219 9 20 Paper Airplane 7918 Pastor Love suffers long and is kind. It is not proud. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. And now these three remain: Faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
53220 9 20 Paper Airplane 7919 Pam I love you.
53221 9 20 Paper Airplane 7919 Jim I love you.
53222 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7920 Jim I'm taking some time off from workâwell, my other workâbecause we needed it.
53223 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7920 Pam It's great.
53224 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7920 Jim It's great.
53225 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7920 Pam The phone has been ringing off the hook. The guys in Philly are kind of going nuts.
53226 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7920 Jim But that doesn't matter. This does. It's the only thing that matters. We've had some really nice days together.
53227 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7920 Pam Nice morning, too.
53228 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7920 Jim Beesly! Oh, my god.
53229 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7921 Andy Hey. Which tie makes me look like a guy who likes sofas? My agent's putting me up for a furniture commercial.
53230 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7921 Jim Ah, definitely blue.
53231 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7921 Andy Totally, right? So, Big Tuna, what's up? Back in the small pond?
53232 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7921 Jim For now, yeah. I was spreading myself way too thinâ
53233 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7921 Andy Thin-sliced tuna. Carpaccio. Go on.
53234 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7921 Jim Uh, well, it took me a while, but I finally realized that I can't give 100% to two things at once you know.
53235 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7921 Andy Tell me about it, you know? I've been trying to act and manage this branch. Half the time I don't know if I'm wearing my stage makeup or my work makeup.
53236 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7921 Jim Huh. Well, you know, you can't have everything so you gotta ask yourself what makes you the happiest. You just go all in for what's most important. That's my new thing.
53237 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7922 Oscar Is everything ok?
53238 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7922 Angela No. Everything is not okay. The county took my cats.
53239 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7922 Kevin Wait, all of them?
53240 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7922 Angela Two sacks' worth. Apparently my apartment complex has rules about how many pets are too many for a studio. And while I was out picking Phillip up from daycare, they came. They came into my house.
53241 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7922 Oscar That'sâthat's awful, Angela. I'm so sorry.
53242 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7922 Angela It's the that lives downstairs. She's this uptight, judgmental shrew. You know the type.
53243 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7922 Kevin I've never met anyone like that.
53244 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7922 Angela And they're gone. And I have no one left. Without my cats, I am utterly and completely alone.
53245 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7922 Oscar Angela, you still have your son.
53246 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7922 Angela I guess.
53247 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7923 Dwight Attention, everyone. May I have your attention? There are four new deadly weapons in this office. Basher, Thrasher, Crasher andâ
53248 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7923 Jim Smasher!
53249 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7923 Dwight Smasher? No, where'd you get that? Fireball. This morning after hours of combat with some of the city's best teenagers I earned my black belt in Goju Ryu martial arts.
53250 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7924 Dwight I had to find a new dojo after sensei Ira and I parted ways. My new sensei, sensei Billy, thought I had more than enough training to take the test. Turns out, sensei Ira was a bit of a shyster. Sensei Billy says most students don't spend $150,000 over 20 years to get their black belt.
53251 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7925 Dwight I would like to invite you all to my black belt ceremony, right here in the office at lunch, lunch not provided.
53252 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7925 Jim Fireball!
53253 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7925 Dwight Ah! That's how it's done.
53254 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7925 Jim That's pretty good. I feel safe.
53255 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7926 David Wallace Hey, Erin. Is Andy in?
53256 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7926 Erin Oh, is Andy in? Sorry, I thought you said "is Indian" and was like, "Is Indian what?" Is Indian food good? Is Indian jewelry pretty? Is Indian hair an expensive kind of wig? Yes, to all three, by the way.
53257 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7927 Erin Lately, I've been having a lot of trouble keeping track of Andy's calendar. His student film audition schedule is crazy hectic.
53258 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7928 Erin Yes, there's Andy! Andy is in. I'm a good receptionist, I know he's in.
53259 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7928 Andy David Walrus, in his native habitat.
53260 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7928 David Wallace Hey, Andy. Can we go in your office and talk?
53261 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7928 Andy Yeah.
53262 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7929 David Wallace This isn't going to be an easy conversation. I told Andy that he was on very thin ice when he snuck away from three months to the Caribbean. Then last week he used company money to buy a top-of-the-line photo printer. In his words, "The kind that's good for head shots." And yesterday, he asked me to pay for cheek implants. Claimed it's gonna boost office morale. Now, he's a good guy. But honestly, at some point, the ice gets too thin and you fall through. And that is when you get fired.
53263 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7930 David Wallace Andyâ
53264 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7930 Andy I'm gonna stop you right there. David, this documentary is going to air in two weeks. I feel like it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to pursue my dream.
53265 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7930 David Wallace Uh-huh, butâ
53266 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7930 Andy Every minute that I spend here is time not spent making audition videos for reality dating, cooking or singing shows. I got a real shot here. And I'll never be able to forgive myself if I blew it because I was too focused on my stupid paper company job. No offense.
53267 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7930 David Wallace So you think you've been too focused on your job?
53268 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7930 Andy At my last head shot sitting, I was so distracted wondering what I was missing at work that I came across totally manic. And I was going for zany.
53269 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7930 David Wallace So youâyou want to quit Dunder Mifflin to pursue acting?
53270 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7930 Andy Well, no, actually. I see no reason to limit myself to just acting. I am pursuing fame of any kind. Could be singing, could be dancing. I don'tâit just... I owe it to myself and my future fans.
53271 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7930 David Wallace Uh, well, I guess I can't stand in the way of a man's dream. And it seems like you have the gift.
53272 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7930 Andy Thank you, David.
53273 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7930 David Wallace There's probably no way I can talk you into staying at this point, can I?
53274 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7930 Andy Nope. I have made up my mind. I'm really sorry.
53275 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7930 David Wallace Well, good luck.
53276 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7930 Andy Thank you. Not gonna need it.
53277 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7930 David Wallace Okay.
53278 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7931 David Wallace Well that kind of worked out.
53279 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7932 Creed I think just anybody could be a star. My postman, the night janitor here, but Andy? No, definitely not. Charisma black hole.
53280 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7933 Jim Oh, Clark. I'm actually here today. Surprise! So I was wondering if I could maybe have my desk back.
53281 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7933 Clark Right. Yeah. But, you know, I've actually been working pretty hard here on a daily basis. So, I kind of feel like I've earned this. I mean, you know?
53282 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7933 Jim You totally have. You have earned this. But maybe I could be with my wife. Kind of the whole reason that I'm here.
53283 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7933 Clark Right. Well, I'm here to sell paper.
53284 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7933 Pam Wow.
53285 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7933 Clark All right, Jim, look, I just got made junior salesman. Right? Andâand Wallace is here today. And I don't him to just think of me as a customer service rep that sits in the annex. I mean, you can get that, right? Right? And what do you need more face time with Wallace for? You trying to get a second second job here?
53286 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7933 Pam it's okay. You can sit in the annex.
53287 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7933 Jim What?
53288 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7933 Pam I'll come visit you.
53289 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7933 Jim Okay. The annex it is. I'll be sitting at your desk if that's okay with you.
53290 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7933 Clark That's fine with me. But be careful, it is very easy to get lost in Pete's beautiful, dead eyes.
53291 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7933 Andy Everyone, a little breaking news for ya. Just had a little chat with David Wallace. And, um, I'm taking a leave of absence from Dunder Mifflin, forever.
53292 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7933 Oscar I can't say we didn't see it coming. But it's a sad day when anybody is fired. We're so sorry, Andy.
53293 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7933 David Wallace Uh, uh, uh, uh, Andy was not fired.
53294 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7933 Andy I wasn't fired. What are you talking about? I'm fired up, yes. Guys, I'mâI'm leaving to pursue my lifelong dream of being famous.
53295 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7933 Pam Oh, Andy.
53296 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7933 Andy Yeah, so, I'll see you on the red carpet. See, that's how it works.
53297 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7934 Phyllis Andy sings beautifully. And he's really good at dancing. He's a good speaker. But there's just something there you don't want to look at.
53298 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7935 Jim Hey, how am I doing as your desk mate, by the way? You probably miss Clark.
53299 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7935 Pete Yeah, a little bit.
53300 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7935 Jim Oh, wow. But, umâOh, I get that.
53301 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7935 Pete Oh, no, no, no. No it's cool.
53302 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7935 Jim I get it.
53303 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7935 Pete It's cool, man. I'm sure you and I will have our own thing.
53304 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7935 Jim Yeah. Definitely. Go Phillies, right. You don't watch baseball. I keep forgetting that.
53305 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7936 Darryl I just think you're going into this a little fast.
53306 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7936 Andy I'm 38, Darryl, how much slower should I go?
53307 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7936 Darryl Show business is cold. Let's say you get a job, which you probably won't. They're not gonna cut you any slack. You're meant for a job with lots and lots of slack.
53308 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7936 Andy All right. I get it.
53309 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7937 Andy The male is a funny species. We don't just tell each other how we feel, that's chick stuff. So instead of saying, "Hey, Andy, I love you, man. I don't want you to leave." You say something like, "Hey, Andy, you're making the worst mistake of your life. You're not talented." Well... right back at you, Darryl.
53310 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7938 Andy I'm gonna miss you too. Mmm!
53311 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7939 Stanley Andy's from the generation that thinks they should all be famous. What happened to the generation that knew you shut up, did your work, and died quietly from a heart attack?
53312 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7940 Kevin Could Andy make it as an entertainer? I don't know. You know who's really funny? This bird, in the park, that can't fly right. I'd pay to see him. But I don't have to cause the park is free!
53313 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7941 Sensei Ira I will now perform the ceremonial changing of the belts.
53314 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7941 Dwight He will now perform the ceremonial changing of the belts!
53315 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7941 Sensei Ira It's not a large room, I think they heard me.
53316 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7941 Dwight Take my belt, master. I now submit to you every part of myself.
53317 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7941 Sensei Ira That's really ok. I'm mostly focused on the belt here.
53318 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7941 Dwight Just slip it off myâSlip it off my hips.
53319 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7941 Sensei Ira Hold itâTake a step back. Take a step back. Okay, okay. I can'tâI can't do this if you're gonna be thrusting like that, okay? I think we're gonna have to cut this off.
53320 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7941 Dwight He will now perform the ceremonial cutting-off-of-the-belt.
53321 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7942 Angela Dwight has been practicing karate for years. When we were dating, I would help him with his strength training. He would strap me to his chest in a baby Bjorn made for fat children and do lunges across the farm. It felt like I was flying.
53322 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7943 Dwight There it is.
53323 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7943 Sensei Ira Congratulations.
53324 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7943 Dwight We did it, we did it. I love you.
53325 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7943 Sensei Ira Okay.
53326 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7943 Dwight Thanks. I will now perform my final kata forms. You're gonna watch me right?
53327 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7943 Sensei Ira Yes, I will.
53328 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7943 Dwight Sensei, you're not watching.
53329 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7943 Sensei Ira Yeah, I'm watching. Just do it.
53330 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7943 Dwight Watching?
53331 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7943 Sensei Ira I'm watching.
53332 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7943 Dwight Watch this part, okay?
53333 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7943 David Wallace Sensei, do you generally do house calls like this?
53334 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7943 Sensei Ira Uh, you can just call me Billy. And no. No, but Dwight insisted. He wanted to receive his black belt in the place he loves most in the world.
53335 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7943 David Wallace He said that? He's an odd guy, isn't he?
53336 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7943 Sensei Ira Yes. Irritating, also yes. But I gotta hand it to him, he's one of the most tenacious and determined men I've ever met.
53337 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7943 Esther Oh! I'm am so proud of you, Schru-berry blue.
53338 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7944 Jim I really felt like I almost lost her, andâand nothing is worth that.
53339 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7944 David Wallace Well, I gotta tell you, Jim, a lot of guys in my circle? They wouldn't even change their golf schedule to shore up their marriage let alone their professional goals.
53340 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7945 Clark Dude, there is no way that Jim is just back here to hang out with Pam.
53341 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7945 Dwight You did not just say that! You don't know Pam. She is really cool.
53342 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7945 Clark All I'm saying is, forget about my chair. He wants the manager's chair. And I thought you wanted that job.
53343 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7945 Dwight Yeah, I did. But I made too many mistakes. It's out of my reach now. Besides, I think Jim would be a fine manager. I'd be happy to see Jim as manager.
53344 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7946 David Wallace So, the reason that I called you in here is because Andy is moving on.
53345 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7946 Jim Again.
53346 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7946 David Wallace Again! And I'm looking for a new manager. And with his performance this year, I have been considering Dwight. Am I crazy?
53347 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7946 Jim Not at all. It should be Dwight.
53348 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7946 David Wallace You sure?
53349 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7946 Jim You're gonna want to invest in a lot more liability insurance, but, uhâ
53350 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7946 David Wallace Yeah.
53351 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7946 Jim Hey, if there is someone out there who loves paper more than Dwight, I definitely don't want to meet that person.
53352 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7947 Nellie Andy, we just wondered if we could have a word.
53353 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7947 Andy It's now or never.
53354 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7947 Nellie Well, we just had a quick question about this decision of yours. You know, to leave a stable job and pursue a career in the entertainment business. In your late 30s. With no savings to fall back on. And no real connections in that business, which can be competitive.
53355 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7947 Andy Yeah, sure. What's your question?
53356 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7947 Kevin Our question isâit seems dumb.
53357 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7947 Andy Well, it's better than sticking around here and half-assing it, right?
53358 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7947 Nellie Of course. But what if you were to stay here, you know, and "full-ass" it? Um, really give it a go. Be the greatest manager in the history of this branch and in that way achieve the fame and immortality that you seek. Hmm?
53359 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7947 Andy Nah. I like my plan better.
53360 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7947 Kevin Well, Andy, your plan sucks, okay? Nobody is going to hire you ever. You're too character-y to be a lead and you're not fat enough to be a great character actor.
53361 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7947 Andy What?
53362 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7948 Oscar No, I don't think that he can make it as an actor. But, he also can't make it as an employee in an office, so why not go nuts with it?
53363 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7949 Jim Hey, are you still in charge of office supplies?
53364 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7949 Pam Yes. Yeah.
53365 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7949 Jim I seem to have sticky not emergency where I grab it on the wrong end, and this happens.
53366 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7949 Pam Oh, boy. Umâ
53367 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7949 Jim If you could help me out, that would beâ
53368 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7949 Pam I could give you some beginner stickies?
53369 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7949 Jim Anything would help.
53370 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7949 Pam Here you go.
53371 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7949 Jim Oh, also, while you're at it, if you did have a salt packet, three tacks and some aspirin, that would be great. Oh, wow. You have that.
53372 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7949 Pam Mm-hmm.
53373 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7949 Jim Wow, that'sâ
53374 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7949 Pam It's all yours.
53375 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7949 Jim You come so prepared. Aspirin.
53376 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7949 Dwight You wanna get rid of a headache, you sit on something sharp. Any sensei will tell you that.
53377 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7949 Jim Hey, congratulations on that black belt, man. It's really great.
53378 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7949 Dwight Thank you. So I saw you talking to Wallace earlier. Is he going to offer you the manager's job?
53379 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7949 Jim No. He was maybe thinking of you for it.
53380 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7949 Dwight Yeah, right. I'm afraid that ship has sailed.
53381 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7949 Jim I wouldn't be too sure about that. Just saying.
53382 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7950 Dwight Hello.
53383 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7950 Andy Well, hello.
53384 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7950 Dwight Big day for you.
53385 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7950 Andy Big day for you.
53386 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7950 Dwight Thank you.
53387 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7950 Andy Love the belt.
53388 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7950 Dwight Oh, yes.
53389 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7950 Andy You know, I don't know anything about karate but I have broken a few boards in my day. Diving boards, at my family pool in Redding. I was an obese child. I never talk about that here, but Nard-dog's outta here, so letting it all hang out!
53390 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7950 Dwight This is exciting! You're finally gonna get to go out and flap your wings.
53391 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7950 Andy Thank you, I appreciate that. â˜Cause a lot of people are saying I might not make it.
53392 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7950 Dwight Oh, I doubt you'll make it. Very few do who've tried to be a star. But, listen, you've saved up enough money to take a couple of years off to pursue your dream and have some fun, right?
53393 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7950 Andy No, I just applied for more overdraft protection.
53394 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7950 Dwight Andy, I have nothing to gain from getting you to stay, and everything to gain from you leaving. But please, I have known you for years, I have seen you perform. Dear god, don't quit your day job.
53395 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7950 Andy Nothing is impossible to him who will try. Alexander the Great, if he were cockney.
53396 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7950 Dwight You're bad.
53397 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7951 Andy I'm gonna make it. Every person that has been on Conan has a crazy story about how they made it. Every person.
53398 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7952 Andy Erin. Honest Erin, cannot tell a lie. We lay together. That's something you can't take back.
53399 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7952 Erin So true. Is there a question, or areâwhat?
53400 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7952 Andy Will you tell me bluntly, do you think I am making a terrible mistake quitting my job to become an actor?
53401 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7952 Erin Bluntly? Yes. Huge mistake. Andy, honestly, I think you might become homeless. Or maybe even starve.
53402 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7952 Andy Thank you.
53403 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7952 David Wallace You can stay on as a salesman, Andy.
53404 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7952 Andy Thank you.
53405 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7952 David Wallace Dwight, could you come in here for a second, please?
53406 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7953 Dwight Say it again.
53407 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7953 David Wallace Will you be the new manager?
53408 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7953 Dwight Where?
53409 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7953 David Wallace Where?
53410 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7953 Dwight What branch?
53411 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7953 David Wallace Here. Scranton. Come on. Come on, Dwight. Get up. Let's go. It's good news.
53412 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7953 Dwight I'm sorry. I've just waited for this moment my entire life. I mean, I was interim manager once, but then I shot that gun.
53413 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7953 David Wallace What?
53414 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7953 Dwight But this isn't interim manager. No. It's Dwight K. Schrute... Manager.
53415 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7953 David Wallace Why do you already have this?
53416 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7953 Dwight In case Michael or Andy ever got killed in a traffic accident and there was a trade show on the same day. You will not regret this decision, David.
53417 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7953 David Wallace I know.
53418 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7953 Dwight I will never, ever let you down.
53419 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7953 David Wallace I know, Dwight. I know. Okay. Okay. All righty. You're gonna do great.
53420 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7954 Pam Hey.
53421 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7954 Jim Wow, hey.
53422 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7954 Pam Hi.
53423 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7954 Jim What's up?
53424 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7954 Pam Um, I have a question.
53425 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7954 Jim Okay.
53426 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7954 Pam Oh, I had a question.
53427 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7954 Jim Really?
53428 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7954 Pam I did!
53429 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7954 Jim Yeah, totally you did.
53430 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7954 Pam Super important.
53431 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7954 Jim I need you to stay right here while you think about it.
53432 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7954 Pam Okay.
53433 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7954 Jim All right? I'm gonna wait.
53434 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7954 Pam All right. I did not come back here just to see you.
53435 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7954 Jim I'm sure you did not. What was your question?
53436 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7954 Pam I don't know, but it might take me a long time to figure it out.
53437 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7954 Jim Well, then, I should figure out things to do while I'm waiting.
53438 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7954 Pam Exactly.
53439 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7955 Andy Hey, everybody, I changed my mind. Not leaving. I'm gonna stay on in sales.
53440 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7955 Nellie Oh, thank god. Because sales could be your best role yet.
53441 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7955 Meredith Hey, good choice, man. Seriously. Don't want to see you in a p0rn next year.
53442 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7955 Andy Okay.
53443 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7955 Kevin Ooh, there's a great play about a salesman.
53444 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7955 Andy Death of a salesman.
53445 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7955 Kevin I don't think so.
53446 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7955 Andy Sure, â˜Death of a Salesman' by Arthur Miller, it's a great play about crushed dreams.
53447 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7955 Kevin No, this one was written by Spongebob Squarepants.
53448 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7955 Andy Got any hot leads?
53449 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7956 Pete See, so you just push from under, and turn it around, and boom. No the staple crimps outward.
53450 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7956 Erin I had no idea. And here I've been stapling the same way for 20 years like a frickin' sheep.
53451 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7956 Jim Look who's back.
53452 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7956 Pam I'm back. Oh, hey, look, and now it's like a double date.
53453 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7956 Pete Wow. Cause, uh
53454 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7956 Erin Actually, maybe we should go on a double date some time. That'd be fun.
53455 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7956 Pam Yeah, we should do that for real sometime.
53456 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7956 Erin Well, how about Thursday?
53457 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7956 Pam Oh, well, Thursday's tough, because ofâ
53458 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7956 Jim Weeknights are actually tough just becauseâ
53459 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7956 Pam They are.
53460 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7956 Jim That's true, yeah.
53461 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7956 Erin Just forget it. Forget I said anything.
53462 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7957 David Wallace Attention, everyone, just a quick announcement. Little reconfiguration to the staff. Dwight Schruteâ
53463 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7957 Dwight David. Can I just do one thing while you're making this announcement and then I'll never, ever do it again?
53464 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7957 David Wallace I don't think so.
53465 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7957 Dwight It's just one thing. Just let meâlet me do thisâ
53466 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7957 David Wallace Dwight, Dwight, Dwight. Come onâwhat I was about to say was Dwightâ Oh, I'm sorry, I gottaâThis'll be a second, sorry.
53467 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7957 Dwight Just wait and send it to voicemail.
53468 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7957 David Wallace Yeah.
53469 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7957 Dwight Come on. Come on.
53470 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7957 David Wallace Then we'll get him a new set of drums.
53471 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7957 Dwight Dwight Schrute is manager!
53472 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7957 Andy Brava, brava.
53473 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7957 Creed Creed Bratton is the new manager!
53474 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7957 Pam What's going on?
53475 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7957 Kevin Dwight's the new manager. He freaking did it.
53476 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7957 Pam Congratulations, Dwight.
53477 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7957 Dwight Pam.
53478 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7957 Jim Congratulations, buddy.
53479 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7957 Dwight Thank you, Jim.
53480 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7957 Clark Congrats, Dwight.
53481 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7957 Dwight Get out of Jim's seat.
53482 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7957 Clark But I fought for this seat.
53483 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7957 Dwight You're an annex kid. You might be bullpen, we'll see. Give it a couple of years. Scram.
53484 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7957 Pam It's nice to have you back.
53485 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7957 Dwight So...
53486 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7957 Jim So.
53487 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7957 Dwight I wanted to offer you a new position.
53488 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7957 Jim Let's hear it.
53489 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7957 Dwight Assistant regional manager.
53490 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7957 Jim Nope. Can't accept that job. It's not a real job.
53491 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7957 Dwight Jim.
53492 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7957 Jim I'll tell you what I could accept is assistant to the regional manager. That is a real job and one I'd be proud to take.
53493 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7957 Dwight Shake on it? Done. Way to negotiate, idiot.
53494 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7958 Jim Don't get me wrong, I am definitely here for Pam. But this is an awesome added bonus.
53495 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7959 Dwight So, all the numbers adding up?
53496 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7959 Oscar Hey, I didn't get a chance to say it, but... congratulations, Dwight.
53497 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7959 Dwight Thank you.
53498 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7959 Angela Yes. Congratulations.
53499 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7959 Kevin Yeah, and Dwight, I'd like to be the first to say congratulations.
53500 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7959 Angela This is a big day for you.
53501 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7959 Dwight Yes, it is. Carry on.
53502 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7960 Andy How did I just abandon my dreams so quickly? It's cause I had a fallback. That's the problem. When you have fallbacks, it's just easy to give up. When Cortez landed in Mexico, only way he got his men to defeat the Aztecs was by burning all of his own boats. So they could never return home. Huge dick move but very effective. I need to be that same kind of dick to myself.
53503 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7961 Andy Everyone! Changed my mind again.
53504 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7961 Phyllis What's it now, dream or no dream?
53505 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7961 Andy Uh, dream. Goin' with my dream. Gotta go all in, isn't that right, Jim?
53506 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7961 Jim Oh, don't look at me cause I think you're making a terrible choice.
53507 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7961 Andy All in! Whoo!
53508 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7962 Andy Toby! Hey, I changed my mind again. I am gonna leave Dunder Mifflin to pursue acting after all.
53509 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7962 Toby Okay, then, Andy.
53510 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7962 Andy Yeah, but here's the thing. I can't have good old Dunder Mifflin to fall back on or else I'll never succeed. Gotta burn those boats! So I need you to go into my file and put down that I was fired for theft and/or groping wieners.
53511 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7962 Toby Andy, you know I can't do that. It'd be lying.
53512 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7962 Andy Seriously?
53513 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7962 Toby Yeah, I'mâ
53514 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7962 Andy Come on, just do it.
53515 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7962 Toby I can't.
53516 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7962 Andy All right, fine, just know that you made me do this.
53517 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7962 Toby Oh, come on. Andy, no.
53518 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7962 Andy God, Toby, don'tâstop blocking my hand.
53519 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7962 Toby No, no.
53520 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7962 Andy This is yourâyou brought this on.
53521 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7962 Toby No, no. Andy.
53522 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7962 Andy Okay, all right. Groped you good. Off to Hollywood!
53523 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7963 Angela This is Angela. Oh. Hello, Miss Polodnikovski. Uh, how can I help you? Did my rent check not clear? Because I just transferred another $25 to that account. So if there's a problem it's clearly on your end. Andâoh. Oh. Oh, okay. Good. Then... um... what is this about? No, no. Hey, hey! No, you are out of line Miss Polodnikovski. No, no you are. No you are! Evicted? Fine! I didn't want to live in that cesspool anyway! Listen, I get my security deposit back. Yes, I do. This is not fair! That is not fair! Well, you know what? You have so many hairs on your chin that Animal Control should've taken you away. That is very unladylike! You are disgusting!
53524 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7963 Kevin What do you think that was about?
53525 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7964 Andy David. I lost the Scranton White Pages account. Do you have any idea how much paper that is? And I'd just like to point out, I was mad at Dwight. I did it out of spite.
53526 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7964 David Wallace We put the past behind us, though, Andy.
53527 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7964 Andy What if I told you that I hate you and I hate this company?
53528 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7964 David Wallace Enough, Andy. Enough!
53529 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7964 Andy Just stop forgiving me, David, please? This is my last chance to honor what is best inside myself. What if I took a dump on your new car?
53530 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7964 David Wallace Oh my god.
53531 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7965 Andy Eleanor Roosevelt once said â˜the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.' I think she's right. I feel calm now. I feel, like, for the first time in a long time, I'm doing the right thing.
53532 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7966 Angela Andy.
53533 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7966 Andy Yeah.
53534 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7966 Angela What are you doing?
53535 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7966 Andy Uh, heavy stuff like books on the bottom. So it don't squash my knickety-knacks on top.
53536 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7966 Angela Yeah, okay. That's not what I mean. You don't have to leave because you said you would. Don't let pride ruin your whole life. Okay? It's not worth it.
53537 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7966 Andy Wow. Angela. What we had was great, and, honestly I think about it a lot tooâ
53538 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7966 Angela Ugh.
53539 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7966 Andy But I justâit's in the past. And I feel like we shouldn't...
53540 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7966 Angela No, that's notâ
53541 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7966 Andy Rehashâ
53542 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7966 Angela No, noneâNo, stop. It's justâ
53543 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7966 Andy Exactly.
53544 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7966 Angela Okay. Well, have a good trip. Good luck, Andy.
53545 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7966 Andy Thanks, Angela. You too.
53546 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7966 Angela Thanks.
53547 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7967 Andy A-bridge, a-burnt. No turning back now. Everybody, Lorelai and I would like to say thank you and goodbye the only way we know how.
53548 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7967 Nellie Oh, good lord.
53549 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7967 Stanley Can't you just leave?
53550 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7967 Jim You know, Andy, you could just say a really nice goodbye.
53551 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7967 Andy Tuna, I'm a performer. And perform I shall.
53552 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7967 Dwight You okay?
53553 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7967 Angela It's just a really nice song.
53554 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7967 Kevin Awesome!
53555 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7968 Phyllis Who knows? Maybe Andy will make it. He's not terrible.
53556 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7968 Stanley Yeah. And people worse than him make it all the time. Like Lil Romeo.
53557 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7968 Phyllis No, he's good.
53558 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7968 Stanley He was good.
53559 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7969 Oscar Good night, Kevin.
53560 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7969 Kevin Night, Oscar.
53561 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7969 Oscar Tents? Are you thinking of going camping? I thought you found nature vulgar.
53562 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7969 Angela Well, I've changed my mind.
53563 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7969 Oscar Wait a minute. You're not thinking of living in aâ
53564 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7969 Angela Oh, god, could you just mind your own business?
53565 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7969 Oscar Okay, I'm just gonna say this. You are not going to live in a tent.
53566 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7969 Angela Oh, god.
53567 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7969 Oscar Come stay with me.
53568 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7969 Angela You don't want me at your place.
53569 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7969 Oscar I do. Yes. Not forever. But until you get back on your feet. Which won't be long. It's the least I could do.
53570 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7969 Angela Well...
53571 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7969 Oscar Separate bathrooms.
53572 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7969 Angela Thank you.
53573 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7969 Oscar You're welcome. Let's go get Phillip. Then we'll get your stuff...
53574 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7969 Angela Okay.
53575 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7969 Oscar And get you the hell outta that place.
53576 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7969 Angela Are you allowed to have pets?
53577 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7969 Oscar Oh, Angela.
53578 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7970 Dwight Yesterday I was just your average, ordinary paper salesman with a farm and a bunch of pipe dreams about beet fuel. Today, I leave here a regional manager with a black belt. It really is amazing how your life can change in one day.
53579 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7971 Darryl You talk to Wade and Colin?
53580 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7971 Jim No, I just saw I missed their call. Why? What's up?
53581 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7971 Darryl We got an offer on the table.
53582 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7971 Jim What kind of offer?
53583 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7971 Darryl A buyout.
53584 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7971 Jim What?
53585 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7971 Darryl We're in play, baby.
53586 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7971 Jim Oh, my god!
53587 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7971 Darryl We did it! Hey, and look, the buyers wanna make sure it's not just a Philly play, so get this: they're gonna pay for us to go pitch out west. We talking Spurs, the Jazz, Cowboys. Blake Griffin, baby.
53588 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7971 Jim Wow, that is... wow.
53589 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7971 Darryl Yeah, we did it.
53590 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7971 Jim Yeah, we did. Hey, how longâhow long do we think that's gonna take?
53591 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7971 Darryl Wade said we could do the whole country in three months.
53592 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7971 Jim Oh, man. Yeah, I can't do it.
53593 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7971 Darryl Can't do what?
53594 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7971 Jim This, man. I can't do this to Pam.
53595 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7971 Darryl No, no, Jim. This is different. This is everything.
53596 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7971 Jim I know. And I can't do it.
53597 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7972 Angela So is your place all bachelor-slobby and gross?
53598 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7972 Oscar No, it's neat and tasteful, like most gay men's homes. The stereotype holds up.
53599 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7972 Angela I wouldn't know. I never lived with a gay guy.
53600 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7972 Oscar Angela, you just wereâ
53601 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7972 Angela I love him.
53602 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7972 Oscar I know. I understand more than most, but we both have to move on. Youâyou can'tâ
53603 9 21 Livin' the Dream 7972 Angela No, not the senator. I love Dwight.
53604 9 22 A.A.R.M 7973 Erin The tea in Nepal is very hot.
53605 9 22 A.A.R.M 7973 Kevin But the coffee in Peru is much hotter.
53606 9 22 A.A.R.M 7974 Dwight Last week I finally became permanent manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton. My first project: increase security. I got these doors from a jewelry store that had recently gone out of business. Now they're protecting America's real treasure, paper. Every morning I email the day's security codes. Something that's been really missing from my life has been writing secret codes. It's not the KGB, but it's a start.
53607 9 22 A.A.R.M 7975 Erin The tea in Nepal is very hot.
53608 9 22 A.A.R.M 7975 Dwight But the coffee in Peru is far hotter.
53609 9 22 A.A.R.M 7975 Erin Close.
53610 9 22 A.A.R.M 7975 Dwight This is Tuesday, right? The coffee in Paraguay is far hotter?
53611 9 22 A.A.R.M 7975 Erin Colder.
53612 9 22 A.A.R.M 7975 Dwight The coffee in Paraguay is colder?
53613 9 22 A.A.R.M 7975 Erin No, I meant you're getting colder. The correct response is, "the coffee in Peru is much hotter."
53614 9 22 A.A.R.M 7975 Dwight Ah, much, ok.
53615 9 22 A.A.R.M 7975 Erin But, that's three wrong, so I gotta give you the steam. Unless you want me to break protocol?
53616 9 22 A.A.R.M 7975 Dwight No, no. Give me the steam.
53617 9 22 A.A.R.M 7976 Dwight It's just harmless steam to panic intruders. I'd like to get harmful steam, but the prices are absurd.
53618 9 22 A.A.R.M 7977 Dwight Break protocol! Break protocol! Break protocol!
53619 9 22 A.A.R.M 7977 Creed Oh, I'm saving a fortune on dry cleaning.
53620 9 22 A.A.R.M 7978 Phillip Mama!
53621 9 22 A.A.R.M 7978 Oscar Angela, someone wants you.
53622 9 22 A.A.R.M 7978 Angela Ok, coming. Hi, baby.
53623 9 22 A.A.R.M 7979 Oscar Angela's divorce from the senator has been very difficult for her. When she got kicked out of her apartment, I invited her to move in with me. Ironic that it's Angela who's living in the closet. Hey-o.
53624 9 22 A.A.R.M 7980 Oscar Saddle shoes. With denim? I will literally call child services.
53625 9 22 A.A.R.M 7981 Esther Go get â˜em, honey.
53626 9 22 A.A.R.M 7981 Dwight Oh, don't worry. They'll get got.
53627 9 22 A.A.R.M 7982 Dwight Manager of Dunder Mifflin? Check. Owner of a 1600-acre beet farm? Check. Engaged to be married to an actual milkmaid? Check... on that later today. This is my grandmother's ring. It was made from a bullet I took out of her left buttock. She was a moonshiner shot by Adolph Coors. This is my grandmother's buttock bullet ring.
53628 9 22 A.A.R.M 7983 Andy Hello, good morning. My name is Andrew Bernard. You might know me from a TV documentary that's premiering tonight. I also killed it in local theater and I am fresh off of a hot industrial flick.
53629 9 22 A.A.R.M 7983 Check-in guy Ok, thanks. Go ahead and get in the back of the line.
53630 9 22 A.A.R.M 7983 Andy Yes!
53631 9 22 A.A.R.M 7984 Andy Well, burned all my bridges at Dunder Mifflin, and time to become the next American Idol. By winning America's Next A Cappella Sensation. On channel TBD. It's a really cool show, it's like a revision of the whole American Idol, Voice, Sing-Off phenomenon. On this show, all three judges are mean!
53632 9 22 A.A.R.M 7985 Jim Sales form for you to sign.
53633 9 22 A.A.R.M 7985 Dwight You know what to do. Ok
53634 9 22 A.A.R.M 7986 Dwight Behind every great regional manager is a great assistant to the regional manager, and I have chosen one of the best.
53635 9 22 A.A.R.M 7986 Jim Aw, thanks, man.
53636 9 22 A.A.R.M 7986 Dwight Once upon a time we were natural enemies, but we've overcome our differences. Much like Germany and Italy in World Warâ
53637 9 22 A.A.R.M 7986 Jim No.
53638 9 22 A.A.R.M 7986 Dwight Good call. Together we run a no-nonsense office.
53639 9 22 A.A.R.M 7987 Jim Pre-conference room meeting with Dwight went really well.
53640 9 22 A.A.R.M 7987 Pam Oh, bodes well for the post-conference room meeting.
53641 9 22 A.A.R.M 7987 Jim All depends on the conference room meeting itself. Uh, okay.
53642 9 22 A.A.R.M 7987 Pam Is that them again?
53643 9 22 A.A.R.M 7987 Jim Yeah.
53644 9 22 A.A.R.M 7987 Pam Maybe you should call back?
53645 9 22 A.A.R.M 7987 Jim I will. I will.
53646 9 22 A.A.R.M 7988 Jim The guys at Athlead are still bugging me about this three month roadshow thing. Meeting athletes on their home turf, building relationships. Yeah, it sounds exciting. But I said no, and that's final. I almost lost Pam over this business. I'm not risking that again.
53647 9 22 A.A.R.M 7989 Pam When Jim decided to come back to Scranton full-time, I was relieved, but I also feel a little guilty. I mean, he's giving up this big thing for me. But he seems happy. I mean, he's certainly been goofing around a lot. I love goofy Jim.
53648 9 22 A.A.R.M 7990 Dwight Welcome.
53649 9 22 A.A.R.M 7990 Jim He welcomes you.
53650 9 22 A.A.R.M 7990 Dwight Please take an agenda item.
53651 9 22 A.A.R.M 7990 Jim Your agenda-taking pleases him.
53652 9 22 A.A.R.M 7990 Dwight Have a seat, Phyllis. There we go. As you know, I like to begin each day with an inspirational quote. "Some say the only failure there is is the failure to try." That is wrong. Failure of any kind is failure. Jim, over to you.
53653 9 22 A.A.R.M 7990 Jim Let's not get crazy and ruin our no-nonsense streak, all right? So, for instance, if you're expecting a fax today, please don't yell out, "Michael J. Fax from Fax to the Future." Ok? That's nonsense.
53654 9 22 A.A.R.M 7990 Pam Question.
53655 9 22 A.A.R.M 7990 Jim Yes, beautiful girl in the front.
53656 9 22 A.A.R.M 7990 Pam We are expecting a water delivery today at 10am. What if, as they're delivering the water jugs, someone screams out, "Nice jugs"?
53657 9 22 A.A.R.M 7990 Jim That's obviously nonsense. Nonsense. And what percentage of nonsense do we tolerate in this office?
53658 9 22 A.A.R.M 7990 Everyone Zero. No nonsense. You can't have nonsense.
53659 9 22 A.A.R.M 7990 Dwight What is going on?
53660 9 22 A.A.R.M 7990 Angela Daycare won't take Phillip anymore.
53661 9 22 A.A.R.M 7990 Oscar Why?
53662 9 22 A.A.R.M 7990 Angela Apparently my station in life has descended to a depth even they won't forgive. So, hi.
53663 9 22 A.A.R.M 7990 Oscar Hi, buddy.
53664 9 22 A.A.R.M 7990 Dwight Ok. Um, new agenda item. Phillip will be joining us in the office today.
53665 9 22 A.A.R.M 7990 Jim Gotta write that down. Ok, big day today. Airing of the documentary. Who's excited?
53666 9 22 A.A.R.M 7991 Meredith I'd better come out of this smelling like a rose. I've been on my best behavior for nine years. If it wasn't for the cameras, I would've done some truly vulgar crap.
53667 9 22 A.A.R.M 7992 Stanley Over the course of this documentary I've had three affairs. If you find my body in a ditch, let me save the police some trouble: my wife did it.
53668 9 22 A.A.R.M 7993 Dwight I'm letting you all off half an hour early to view the documentary. So you can make it up to me by working an extra half an hour tomorrow, or a minute extra for the rest of the month.
53669 9 22 A.A.R.M 7993 Kevin Ooh, announcement! Some of us whose televisions got broken during an all-you-can-eat shrimp commercial will be watching tonight at Poor Richard's. But note, all are welcome, not just those whose saw an all-you-can-eat shrimp commercial and charged their televisions.
53670 9 22 A.A.R.M 7994 Oscar I can't believe the doc is finally going to air. When this thing started, I was still having s*x with women. As was Kevin, I believe.
53671 9 22 A.A.R.M 7995 Creed This airs tonight? Oh my god. If my parents see this, I am toast.
53672 9 22 A.A.R.M 7996 Andy This is really huge. This is like the March on Washington but for a singing show. Can you imagine if Martin Luther King were here? And sang "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Mis? With that baritone? That would be historic.
53673 9 22 A.A.R.M 7996 Casey Whoo-hoo! Casey Dean! Cincinnati, Ohio! Doctor, doctor, gimme the news, I got a great Casey Dean for you.
53674 9 22 A.A.R.M 7996 Andy No!
53675 9 22 A.A.R.M 7996 Casey America wants it!
53676 9 22 A.A.R.M 7996 Andy No, this is my time! You don't belt on my time! I belt on my time.
53677 9 22 A.A.R.M 7996 Casey Casey Dean!
53678 9 22 A.A.R.M 7996 Andy Casey Dean!
53679 9 22 A.A.R.M 7996 Casey Man, those are some nice pipes.
53680 9 22 A.A.R.M 7996 Andy Yeah.
53681 9 22 A.A.R.M 7996 Casey What's your name?
53682 9 22 A.A.R.M 7996 Andy Andy. What's yours?
53683 9 22 A.A.R.M 7997 Angela Why didn't you pack the apple snacks?
53684 9 22 A.A.R.M 7997 Oscar Why didn't you pack the apple snacks?
53685 9 22 A.A.R.M 7997 Kevin Guys.
53686 9 22 A.A.R.M 7997 Angela Because whenever I pack the bag, you say I do it wrong.
53687 9 22 A.A.R.M 7997 Kevin Guys.
53688 9 22 A.A.R.M 7997 Angela Why don't you pack it?
53689 9 22 A.A.R.M 7997 Kevin Guys.
53690 9 22 A.A.R.M 7997 Angela, Oscar Kevin, what?
53691 9 22 A.A.R.M 7997 Kevin Do you want to see a video of a weatherman who says "bold front" instead of "cold front"? It's insane.
53692 9 22 A.A.R.M 7997 Angela Not now, Kevin. Can't you see we're busy? Phillip needs his apple snacks.
53693 9 22 A.A.R.M 7997 Oscar Seriously, Kevin. I'm just gonna have to go to the store.
53694 9 22 A.A.R.M 7997 Angela Ok, you go to the store.
53695 9 22 A.A.R.M 7998 Kevin Philllip, Phillip, Phillip. It's all about Phillip. I hate Phillip.
53696 9 22 A.A.R.M 7999 Dwight Not now! Private time!
53697 9 22 A.A.R.M 7999 Jim I love Star Wars as much as the next guyâ
53698 9 22 A.A.R.M 7999 Dwight Hey, hey! Seriously?
53699 9 22 A.A.R.M 7999 Jim My god, I'm so sorry. Well this might make up for it: I think I have found an enormous source of overlooked PFN.
53700 9 22 A.A.R.M 7999 Dwight Which is, of course...
53701 9 22 A.A.R.M 7999 Jim Potential future nonsense.
53702 9 22 A.A.R.M 7999 Dwight Yes, good abbreviating, Jim. That saved some time. Now, hurry up, shut the door. Break it down for me.
53703 9 22 A.A.R.M 7999 Jim I'm gonna need you to look at your hierarchy mobile. You've got a regional manager.
53704 9 22 A.A.R.M 7999 Dwight The power source.
53705 9 22 A.A.R.M 7999 Jim Obviously, the assistant to the regional manager.
53706 9 22 A.A.R.M 7999 Dwight A loyal, but bungling apostle.
53707 9 22 A.A.R.M 7999 Jim But what about the assistant assistant to the regional manager?
53708 9 22 A.A.R.M 7999 Dwight Someone to whisper in the ear of the consigliore.
53709 9 22 A.A.R.M 7999 Jim Exactly.
53710 9 22 A.A.R.M 7999 Dwight I'd have to get some more wire and string, but it's doable. Do you think any of them out there are capable?
53711 9 22 A.A.R.M 7999 Jim Yeah, right. I mean, unless they're willing to pass some tests.
53712 9 22 A.A.R.M 7999 Dwight I like the sound of that. Who do you have in mind?
53713 9 22 A.A.R.M 7999 Jim Well, I know this sounds crazy, but how would King Arthur choose the next knight of his round table?
53714 9 22 A.A.R.M 7999 Dwight That doesn't sound crazy, Jim. That's the sanest thing I've ever heard.
53715 9 22 A.A.R.M 8000 Casey What're you listening to?
53716 9 22 A.A.R.M 8000 Andy Hmm? Um, uh, locking in my starting note. A 440.
53717 9 22 A.A.R.M 8000 Casey Oh, sweet.
53718 9 22 A.A.R.M 8000 Andy A cappella is all about pitch, and I am nothing if not a total pitch bitch.
53719 9 22 A.A.R.M 8000 Mark McGrath What's up, everybody? And welcome to America's Next A Cappella Singing Sensation!
53720 9 22 A.A.R.M 8000 Casey Ah! It's Mark McGrath! Oh my god! You're gorgeous!
53721 9 22 A.A.R.M 8000 Mark McGrath Thank you, thank you so much. And thank you for your patience. And we hope to see you guys within the next five to seven hours. Now, just to give you a couple parameters of the show, each of you will sing a song for thirty seconds, after which our judges will decide if they want you in their a cappella group. Now, each group will start with 90 singers, which will compete in a series of singing and physical challenges. Oh, and look out for that pesky mole!
53722 9 22 A.A.R.M 8000 Andy There's a mole?
53723 9 22 A.A.R.M 8000 Mark McGrath Oops. I'm not supposed toâI'm not supposed to say that. All right, no mole. Forget I said it, all right?
53724 9 22 A.A.R.M 8000 Andy What mole? What are you talking about? I already forgot about it.
53725 9 22 A.A.R.M 8000 Mark McGrath Good man right there. I'll see you guys inside. Good luck, all right?
53726 9 22 A.A.R.M 8000 Andy Yeah! Pour some Sugar Ray on me!
53727 9 22 A.A.R.M 8000 Casey What? On a roll much?
53728 9 22 A.A.R.M 8000 Andy I don't know where it came from.
53729 9 22 A.A.R.M 8000 Casey That was amazing, man!
53730 9 22 A.A.R.M 8000 Andy Yeah. Yeah, it felt good. It felt funny.
53731 9 22 A.A.R.M 8000 Casey Yeah, you made a personal connection with him.
53732 9 22 A.A.R.M 8000 Andy I did, I felt it.
53733 9 22 A.A.R.M 8000 Casey Big time.
53734 9 22 A.A.R.M 8001 Pam What are you so excited about?
53735 9 22 A.A.R.M 8001 Jim Nothing.
53736 9 22 A.A.R.M 8001 Pam What are you up to?
53737 9 22 A.A.R.M 8002 Jim Members of the office, hear ye.
53738 9 22 A.A.R.M 8002 Dwight That means ye, Plop!
53739 9 22 A.A.R.M 8002 Pete Plop? Still?
53740 9 22 A.A.R.M 8002 Dwight We owe Andy that much. Am I right people?
53741 9 22 A.A.R.M 8002 Pete Fine.
53742 9 22 A.A.R.M 8002 Jim Today we will be testing candidates for the position of assistant to the assistant to the regional manager.
53743 9 22 A.A.R.M 8002 Erin Aw, heck ya!
53744 9 22 A.A.R.M 8002 Pam Nice.
53745 9 22 A.A.R.M 8002 Dwight You'll always have the upper hand, when you've got a good a-arm. Trademark pending.
53746 9 22 A.A.R.M 8002 Jim This is not an excuse to blow off work doing carnival-like activities. Sure, every participant will be getting a corndog, but that's for fueling only. No savoring.
53747 9 22 A.A.R.M 8002 Dwight Wow, the honor. God, I envy them.
53748 9 22 A.A.R.M 8002 Jim He envies you.
53749 9 22 A.A.R.M 8002 Dwight You don't need to repeat right now, when I'm saying it.
53750 9 22 A.A.R.M 8002 Jim Alright.
53751 9 22 A.A.R.M 8003 Jim By 2:00, Dwight will chose himself to be assistant to his own assistant, me.
53752 9 22 A.A.R.M 8004 Darryl What up?
53753 9 22 A.A.R.M 8004 Glenn What's going on? How was the delivery?
53754 9 22 A.A.R.M 8004 Darryl Delivered all my furniture to Philly. Hey, keep it down, though. Nobody knows I'm here.
53755 9 22 A.A.R.M 8005 Darryl I hate goodbyes, so last week, when I left Dunder Mifflin for good, I pulled the old Irish Exit. Just slipped out without making a big deal. No hard feelings. No feelings at all.
53756 9 22 A.A.R.M 8006 Jim A good assistant knows what their superior is thinking before they even think it. Meredith, what number am I thinking of right now?
53757 9 22 A.A.R.M 8006 Meredith Uh, two.
53758 9 22 A.A.R.M 8006 Jim 9.85E+14
53759 9 22 A.A.R.M 8006 Dwight Not even close, Meredith. Come on!
53760 9 22 A.A.R.M 8006 Jim Okay, Pam. What song is running through my head right now?
53761 9 22 A.A.R.M 8006 Pam Theme song from Saved by the Bell.
53762 9 22 A.A.R.M 8006 Jim Oh, my god! It was the theme song to Boy Meets World.
53763 9 22 A.A.R.M 8006 Dwight Wait, no, no, no, stop. Spouses can read each other's minds. You're trying to give your wife this job.
53764 9 22 A.A.R.M 8006 Jim That's exactly what I was doing. Plop, what animal am I picturing?
53765 9 22 A.A.R.M 8006 Pete A horse.
53766 9 22 A.A.R.M 8006 Jim Ew, the exact opposite, actually.
53767 9 22 A.A.R.M 8006 Pete What's the opposite of a horse?
53768 9 22 A.A.R.M 8006 Jim Come on.
53769 9 22 A.A.R.M 8006 Jim, Dwight Sea horse.
53770 9 22 A.A.R.M 8006 Jim Whoa. How did you know that I was gonnaâ
53771 9 22 A.A.R.M 8006 Jim, Dwight Say that? Uncanny.
53772 9 22 A.A.R.M 8007 Jim Challenge number two, protocol. Clark?
53773 9 22 A.A.R.M 8007 Clark Yeah.
53774 9 22 A.A.R.M 8007 Jim Do you want a corn dog?
53775 9 22 A.A.R.M 8007 Clark I would love a corn dog.
53776 9 22 A.A.R.M 8007 Jim We'll see. You are an assistant who's just gotten a phone message. I am in a meeting with Dwight, Robert Dunder, and his niece. Uh-oh, look who came to join us. The Turkish ambassador to Armenia, Yuri Slovak, who, by the way, is extremely embarrassed about the size of his nose. Go ahead and read that phone message.
53777 9 22 A.A.R.M 8007 Clark Mr. Halpert, your wife called to find out how your meeting with Yuri Big Nose went."
53778 9 22 A.A.R.M 8007 Dwight No, no, no, no! You don't read it aloud like that! God! Besides, the whole thing is a trick question. There's no Turkish ambassador to Armenia. The two countries don't have diplomatic relations.
53779 9 22 A.A.R.M 8007 Jim Uncanny.
53780 9 22 A.A.R.M 8008 Soldier I just hope that if my buddies who are still in Afghanistan see me win, they'll feel like anything is possible.
53781 9 22 A.A.R.M 8008 Andy Great, more screen time for the war vet. All you gotta do is risk your life for this country and everyone goes gaga for you.
53782 9 22 A.A.R.M 8008 Casey Over at the porta-potties, they were interviewing a homeless, single mother with three kids.
53783 9 22 A.A.R.M 8008 Andy What?
53784 9 22 A.A.R.M 8008 Casey Yeah.
53785 9 22 A.A.R.M 8008 Andy Is this a show about the resiliency of the human spirit? Or is it a show about singing?
53786 9 22 A.A.R.M 8008 Casey I don't know. But I'm getting really worried here.
53787 9 22 A.A.R.M 8008 Andy Me too. Hold my place in line.
53788 9 22 A.A.R.M 8008 Casey Where are you going?
53789 9 22 A.A.R.M 8008 Andy They want feel-good stories? Wait until they get a good feel of me.
53790 9 22 A.A.R.M 8009 Darryl Thanks, man.
53791 9 22 A.A.R.M 8009 Hank Thank you.
53792 9 22 A.A.R.M 8009 Darryl Yep. Take care.
53793 9 22 A.A.R.M 8009 Pam Darryl, hey.
53794 9 22 A.A.R.M 8009 Darryl Hey.
53795 9 22 A.A.R.M 8009 Pam Cool, are you coming back to say hi?
53796 9 22 A.A.R.M 8009 Darryl No, no, I'm not here actually. These donuts are part of my escape from the guys at the warehouse I didn't say goodbye to.
53797 9 22 A.A.R.M 8009 Pam Aha. How's Athlead?
53798 9 22 A.A.R.M 8009 Darryl We livin' like rock stars. I'm about to eat free steaks with my sports heroes in 32 different cities.
53799 9 22 A.A.R.M 8009 Pam Wow.
53800 9 22 A.A.R.M 8009 Darryl Jim really doesn't want to come?
53801 9 22 A.A.R.M 8009 Pam He says he doesn't want to.
53802 9 22 A.A.R.M 8009 Darryl Wow. Man. I hope he doesn't regret it.
53803 9 22 A.A.R.M 8009 Pam Well, he seems really happy being back here at Dunder Mifflin.
53804 9 22 A.A.R.M 8009 Darryl Jim is happy here, selling paper at Dunder Mifflin?
53805 9 22 A.A.R.M 8009 Pam That's what he says.
53806 9 22 A.A.R.M 8009 Darryl If you say so. Hey, good seeing you. Remember, I was never here. All right, then.
53807 9 22 A.A.R.M 8010 Jim An assistant brings their boss coffee with speed and dexterity. But an assistant to the assistant has a thousand times more to prove, am I right?
53808 9 22 A.A.R.M 8010 Dwight A thousand times more.
53809 9 22 A.A.R.M 8010 Phyllis I'll try this one.
53810 9 22 A.A.R.M 8010 Jim Phyllis! Grab both these coffees, double-fist it, and head through this obstacle course.
53811 9 22 A.A.R.M 8010 Phyllis Hot!
53812 9 22 A.A.R.M 8010 Jim Yeah. It's real. It's the only way you'll learn. OK, and go ahead. Oh, god, nice! She's through the green, everybody. Here comes yellow, real doozy. Careful!
53813 9 22 A.A.R.M 8010 Dwight No, no, no! Phyllis, seriously?
53814 9 22 A.A.R.M 8010 Jim Look at that form.
53815 9 22 A.A.R.M 8010 Dwight Oh, god, this is pathetic! The boss needs his coffee! Augh! Ah! Here you are, sir! Here's your coffee! Ah, my skin, ow, ow! It burns! Ah!
53816 9 22 A.A.R.M 8010 Jim Uncanny.
53817 9 22 A.A.R.M 8010 Erin Darryl?! Darryl!
53818 9 22 A.A.R.M 8010 Kevin Whoa.
53819 9 22 A.A.R.M 8010 Darryl Oh, hey. Hey, what's up, y'all?
53820 9 22 A.A.R.M 8010 Erin You left us without saying goodbye.
53821 9 22 A.A.R.M 8010 Darryl Oh, my bad. Goodbye, everybody.
53822 9 22 A.A.R.M 8010 Meredith Hey! No way!
53823 9 22 A.A.R.M 8010 Kevin That's totally uncool.
53824 9 22 A.A.R.M 8010 Erin Are you kidding? You broke our hearts. Get upstairs.
53825 9 22 A.A.R.M 8010 Darryl I don't think I sh-
53826 9 22 A.A.R.M 8010 Erin Get upstairs, mister!
53827 9 22 A.A.R.M 8010 Meredith Yeah!
53828 9 22 A.A.R.M 8010 Kevin Right. Now.
53829 9 22 A.A.R.M 8010 Darryl Guess I'm going upstairs.
53830 9 22 A.A.R.M 8010 Jim You know, Dwight, this whole search for the assistant thingânone of these people are good enough.
53831 9 22 A.A.R.M 8010 Dwight I know.
53832 9 22 A.A.R.M 8010 Jim What I'm about to say makes no logical sense, and yet, it might be the most logical thing I've ever said.
53833 9 22 A.A.R.M 8010 Dwight Jim, this is gonna come as no surprise but I know exactly what you are going to say. The only possible assistant to my assistant-
53834 9 22 A.A.R.M 8010 Jim Is-
53835 9 22 A.A.R.M 8010 Dwight Me.
53836 9 22 A.A.R.M 8011 Jim The new assistant to the assistant to the regional manager is Dwight K. Schrute.
53837 9 22 A.A.R.M 8011 Dwight Yes! Thank you.
53838 9 22 A.A.R.M 8011 Jim I think you might want to kneel for this. And yet, the manager for Dunder Mifflin kneels for no one. That's it. You look really, really good.
53839 9 22 A.A.R.M 8011 Dwight Okay, from now on, anyone who needs to speak to me has got to go through me first, all right?
53840 9 22 A.A.R.M 8012 Jim Hey.
53841 9 22 A.A.R.M 8012 Pam Hey.
53842 9 22 A.A.R.M 8012 Jim You all right? What's going on?
53843 9 22 A.A.R.M 8012 Pam Are you happy?
53844 9 22 A.A.R.M 8012 Jim Yes, I'm happy.
53845 9 22 A.A.R.M 8012 Pam No, I know that you're, like, happy and, like, you had fun today.
53846 9 22 A.A.R.M 8012 Jim Yeah.
53847 9 22 A.A.R.M 8012 Pam And that was fun. But what about a year from now?
53848 9 22 A.A.R.M 8012 Jim What?
53849 9 22 A.A.R.M 8012 Pam What about five years from now?
53850 9 22 A.A.R.M 8012 Jim Pam.
53851 9 22 A.A.R.M 8012 Pam Because I'm so glad you're back, baby, but I'm justâI was talking to Darryl, and he was talking about the trip, and I just feel like you're giving up so much.
53852 9 22 A.A.R.M 8012 Jim This was my decision, not yours.
53853 9 22 A.A.R.M 8012 Pam Okay.
53854 9 22 A.A.R.M 8012 Jim You didn't force me.
53855 9 22 A.A.R.M 8012 Pam I kind of forced you to do it.
53856 9 22 A.A.R.M 8012 Jim You did not force me to do this.
53857 9 22 A.A.R.M 8012 Pam Yes, I did.
53858 9 22 A.A.R.M 8012 Jim I don't know how else to tell you.
53859 9 22 A.A.R.M 8012 Pam I'm afraid that you're gonna resent me and I'm afraid thatâ
53860 9 22 A.A.R.M 8012 Jim Resent you?
53861 9 22 A.A.R.M 8012 Pam This is not enough for you and I'm afraid that I'm not enough for you.
53862 9 22 A.A.R.M 8012 Jim Is that really what you think?
53863 9 22 A.A.R.M 8013 Jim Not enough? I don't know how else to explain it to her, so, you know what? I know it's against the rules but I'm gonna need a favor from you guys.
53864 9 22 A.A.R.M 8013 Camera Crew Okay. You got it, man.
53865 9 22 A.A.R.M 8014 Darryl I didn't realize we were this close.
53866 9 22 A.A.R.M 8014 Phyllis We're all a little hormonal with the doc airing.
53867 9 22 A.A.R.M 8014 Meredith Are you gonna come to Poor Richard's and watch with us tonight?
53868 9 22 A.A.R.M 8014 Darryl Uh... yeah. Depending on traffic.
53869 9 22 A.A.R.M 8014 Stanley He ain't coming.
53870 9 22 A.A.R.M 8014 Erin Oh, god!
53871 9 22 A.A.R.M 8015 Darryl These dudes are definitely in a weird mood. Picked the wrong day to return a truck.
53872 9 22 A.A.R.M 8016 Darryl Well, it's been great.
53873 9 22 A.A.R.M 8016 Phyllis Eleven years. A guy is in your life for 11 years and then he's gone for who knows how long.
53874 9 22 A.A.R.M 8016 Darryl Maybe forever. Anyhowâ
53875 9 22 A.A.R.M 8016 Oscar Did we ever have lunch together, justâjust the two of us? You know what, I'm gonna make reservations right now at Cugino's.
53876 9 22 A.A.R.M 8016 Meredith Question for Darryl. Did we ever get loaded and listen to Zeppelin in my van?
53877 9 22 A.A.R.M 8016 Darryl Oh, oh, I'm sure we did.
53878 9 22 A.A.R.M 8016 Meredith Nah, I call one hour van time with Darryl.
53879 9 22 A.A.R.M 8016 Clark Darryl, you know, I would love to just record some of your stories, just let the tape roll for six or eight or ten hours and just see what we get.
53880 9 22 A.A.R.M 8016 Erin Listen guys, we can do it all. We just have to divide Darryl's next 12 hours into 90-minute segments. I will go watch an eHow video on how to use Excel, and then we'll get this started.
53881 9 22 A.A.R.M 8016 Darryl Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. Okay, I made the mistake of sneaking out of here and that's on me. But I'm not gonna spend the rest of the day here doing stuff with you cause you're feeling sentimental.
53882 9 22 A.A.R.M 8016 Meredith You have to!
53883 9 22 A.A.R.M 8016 Darryl Hey, hey, hey. I'll do one thing with y'all.
53884 9 22 A.A.R.M 8016 Phyllis Which thing?
53885 9 22 A.A.R.M 8016 Darryl I don't care, choose amongst yourselves. Not the van though.
53886 9 22 A.A.R.M 8017 Angela Kevin, Kevin.
53887 9 22 A.A.R.M 8017 Kevin Oh, you know my name. Well, that is shocking.
53888 9 22 A.A.R.M 8017 Angela Kevin, could you not do that?
53889 9 22 A.A.R.M 8017 Kevin What? I'm moving the ink down in my pen, for work.
53890 9 22 A.A.R.M 8017 Oscar Here, use my pen.
53891 9 22 A.A.R.M 8017 Kevin Don't tell me what to do!
53892 9 22 A.A.R.M 8017 Angela, Oscar Shhh!
53893 9 22 A.A.R.M 8017 Kevin No, I don't need this! And you obviously don't need me.
53894 9 22 A.A.R.M 8017 Angela Kevin, where are you going?
53895 9 22 A.A.R.M 8017 Kevin Away. Tell Phillip that his stupid little baby wish came true.
53896 9 22 A.A.R.M 8017 Oscar He just won't go down. It's as if he's excited by all this paper.
53897 9 22 A.A.R.M 8017 Angela I know. Earlier today he tried to eat some of the 24-weight letter bond.
53898 9 22 A.A.R.M 8017 Dwight Smart baby. That's the most flavorful bond.
53899 9 22 A.A.R.M 8018 Andy Hey, what's goin' on over here? Some sort of singing competition for the young'uns?
53900 9 22 A.A.R.M 8018 Casey You're back!
53901 9 22 A.A.R.M 8018 Andy No, it's me, Andy!
53902 9 22 A.A.R.M 8018 Casey No, I know.
53903 9 22 A.A.R.M 8018 Andy No, no, no. I'm wearing makeup.
53904 9 22 A.A.R.M 8018 Casey You did a really great job. You even look shorter.
53905 9 22 A.A.R.M 8018 Andy Oh, I took out my lifts.
53906 9 22 A.A.R.M 8018 Casey Oh.
53907 9 22 A.A.R.M 8018 Andy Yeah, unlike Andy Bernard, this character is my real height.
53908 9 22 A.A.R.M 8018 Casey Oh.
53909 9 22 A.A.R.M 8019 Esther All day long, it's moo the cows and cluck the hens. Get the sheep baa-ed. Oink the pigs.
53910 9 22 A.A.R.M 8019 Dwight Oink the pigs, that is very important.
53911 9 22 A.A.R.M 8019 Esther Dwight, I'm telling you about all the things that ma said after the horse kicked her in the head. Where are you? Dwight?
53912 9 22 A.A.R.M 8020 Dwight The way that boy looks at the Galactica is precisely the way I look at the Galactica. And he eats the same kind of paper I do. Hmm.
53913 9 22 A.A.R.M 8021 Dwight Thank you, Esther.
53914 9 22 A.A.R.M 8021 Esther Bye.
53915 9 22 A.A.R.M 8021 Jim You threw the summoning bag at me, sir?
53916 9 22 A.A.R.M 8021 Dwight I need you to perform a test.
53917 9 22 A.A.R.M 8021 Jim Perform a test.
53918 9 22 A.A.R.M 8021 Dwight On an innocent baby.
53919 9 22 A.A.R.M 8021 Jim Ooh, I like where this is going. Unfortunately I have a lot of work today so I'm gonna have to hand this off to my number two. But, don't worry, he's the best in the biz.
53920 9 22 A.A.R.M 8021 Dwight Damn straight.
53921 9 22 A.A.R.M 8021 Jim Unless you think he can't handle it.
53922 9 22 A.A.R.M 8021 Dwight Hey, he can handle it.
53923 9 22 A.A.R.M 8021 Jim All right.
53924 9 22 A.A.R.M 8022 Oscar Listen, listen. Shh, buddy. Stanley's sleeping. You don't want to wake up the grumpy old walrus, do you?
53925 9 22 A.A.R.M 8022 Stanley I heard that.
53926 9 22 A.A.R.M 8022 Phillip Mama.
53927 9 22 A.A.R.M 8022 Dwight Hey, you want me to take the little diaper blaster? Pam can attest, there's no one better at getting brats to shut their yaps.
53928 9 22 A.A.R.M 8022 Pam He does have a gift.
53929 9 22 A.A.R.M 8022 Oscar Well, he's calling for his mom, but, okay, here, here you go. Careful, he bites.
53930 9 22 A.A.R.M 8022 Phillip Mama.
53931 9 22 A.A.R.M 8022 Dwight Okay. You ever been in a manager's office before?
53932 9 22 A.A.R.M 8023 Dwight Phillip, you wanna play a little game? It's called "Schrute or Consequences." You're gonna choose one of these two things. A check for a million dollars, or this dirty old beet. Yuck, pew! Which will it be? Money or the beet?
53933 9 22 A.A.R.M 8023 Phillip Beet.
53934 9 22 A.A.R.M 8023 Dwight Yeah. Any ordinary child would have taken the money, but you're no ordinary child are you? No. I can tell by your gorgeous, widely-set eyes.
53935 9 22 A.A.R.M 8024 Check-in guy Sorry, folks, the judges are totally swamped. We are all done taking auditions.
53936 9 22 A.A.R.M 8024 People in line Oh come on! Hey!
53937 9 22 A.A.R.M 8024 Andy Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what?
53938 9 22 A.A.R.M 8024 Check-in guy But thanks for coming out and be sure to watch America's Next A Cappella Sensaâ
53939 9 22 A.A.R.M 8024 Andy Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You can't do that. You can't do that, we've all been waiting.
53940 9 22 A.A.R.M 8024 Check-in guy Okay.
53941 9 22 A.A.R.M 8024 Andy I am going in there! Don'tâ
53942 9 22 A.A.R.M 8024 Check-in guy No, you're not, sir.
53943 9 22 A.A.R.M 8024 Andy Don'tâdon'tâ
53944 9 22 A.A.R.M 8024 Check-in guy Please don't.
53945 9 22 A.A.R.M 8024 Andy Don't touch me.
53946 9 22 A.A.R.M 8024 Check-in guy I'm not touching you. Okay?
53947 9 22 A.A.R.M 8024 Casey Run, old man! Run! Run! Run for your life! Get off. Don't you dare. Don't getâI could see it. You were gonna get handsy with me. Not interested. I'm Casey Dean! You'll be seeing the last of me. Er, I meant you won't be seeing the last of me!
53948 9 22 A.A.R.M 8025 Oscar Hey. Did you manage to feed him? I don't know what it is. He just keeps spitting out the nipple.
53949 9 22 A.A.R.M 8025 Dwight That is because this baby is of superior intelligence. He can tell when he's being tricked out of the experience of a real human breast.
53950 9 22 A.A.R.M 8025 Kevin He's not that smart. He doesn't know where I hid his duck.
53951 9 22 A.A.R.M 8026 Andy Hi. You're still here. Oh, thank god. Clay Aiken, Santigold, Aaron Rodgers. You're like, my three favorite people ever.
53952 9 22 A.A.R.M 8026 Santigold What is this?
53953 9 22 A.A.R.M 8026 Andy Sweetheart, you're amazing, okay? You're obviously gonna be on the show, so it's someone else's turn now. Yeah, go ahead. All right, my name is Ezra Cornell and I'm just a kindly old fellow with a song in my heart.
53954 9 22 A.A.R.M 8026 Aaron Rodgers No, you're a middle-aged man with a lot of makeup on.
53955 9 22 A.A.R.M 8026 Andy Busted. Yes, got it. All right. Tried to get your attention with tricks, but you just want to hear me sing, I respect that.
53956 9 22 A.A.R.M 8026 Clay Aiken No, we do not want to hear you sing.
53957 9 22 A.A.R.M 8026 Santigold Gabriella was our last audition. Thank you. Goodbye.
53958 9 22 A.A.R.M 8026 Andy Nope! Can't end like this. Slept in my car last night, quit my job, burned all my bridges. I went to the bathroom on my boss's car. And I did unspeakable things with Carla Fern.
53959 9 22 A.A.R.M 8026 Aaron Rodgers Flag on the play.
53960 9 22 A.A.R.M 8026 Andy That'sâthat's whatâyeah. Okay, all right, well, here's the song. Far above Cayuga's waters, with her waves so blue, stands our noble alma materâ
53961 9 22 A.A.R.M 8026 Santigold What is this song?
53962 9 22 A.A.R.M 8026 Andy Are you insane? It's the Cornell fight song.
53963 9 22 A.A.R.M 8026 Clay Aiken Listen, all right, thank you very much, we're not interested.
53964 9 22 A.A.R.M 8026 Andy You didn't let me finish. That's not fair.
53965 9 22 A.A.R.M 8026 Aaron Rodgers Look, man, you're not terrible. We've heard a lot of really good singers today and you're just not good enough.
53966 9 22 A.A.R.M 8026 Andy Wow, you guys are really mean. I guess that's the show. Let me try a different song, okay?
53967 9 22 A.A.R.M 8026 Aaron Rodgers Can he do this?
53968 9 22 A.A.R.M 8026 Andy Hey, hobo man, hey, dapper Dan, you both got your style, but, brother, you're never fully dressed without a smile. Yeah. Your clothes may be beau brummellyâ
53969 9 22 A.A.R.M 8026 Santigold Look, you gotta go. You can't just sit here and cry.
53970 9 22 A.A.R.M 8026 Andy Oh I can so just sit here and cry!
53971 9 22 A.A.R.M 8027 Jim Thank you.
53972 9 22 A.A.R.M 8028 Oscar Hey, Kev, how you doing, buddy?
53973 9 22 A.A.R.M 8028 Kevin Can't hear you. I'm giving you the silence treatment. How does it feel being ignored?
53974 9 22 A.A.R.M 8028 Oscar Okay, I guess, it's just that Phillip got you something.
53975 9 22 A.A.R.M 8028 Angela Yeah, a $25 gift card, iTunes.
53976 9 22 A.A.R.M 8028 Oscar I think there's, like, $7 left.
53977 9 22 A.A.R.M 8028 Angela It's just his way of saying, "Thanks for letting me hang out in Accounting."
53978 9 22 A.A.R.M 8028 Kevin Phillip got this for me?
53979 9 22 A.A.R.M 8028 Oscar Sure.
53980 9 22 A.A.R.M 8028 Kevin That was a really cool move.
53981 9 22 A.A.R.M 8028 Angela Would you like to hold Phillip? Yeah. That's Kevin.
53982 9 22 A.A.R.M 8028 Kevin Whoa.
53983 9 22 A.A.R.M 8028 Oscar Easy.
53984 9 22 A.A.R.M 8028 Kevin What a chubbers. Whoa.
53985 9 22 A.A.R.M 8028 Angela Okay, watch it.
53986 9 22 A.A.R.M 8028 Kevin I'm losing my balance.
53987 9 22 A.A.R.M 8028 Angela No, Kevin, no.
53988 9 22 A.A.R.M 8028 Oscar Hey, no.
53989 9 22 A.A.R.M 8028 Kevin Whoa!
53990 9 22 A.A.R.M 8028 Oscar No horseplay.
53991 9 22 A.A.R.M 8028 Angela Stop it.
53992 9 22 A.A.R.M 8028 Kevin You wanna play with the cactus?
53993 9 22 A.A.R.M 8028 Angela No, no!
53994 9 22 A.A.R.M 8029 Kevin So, me and Phillip were just talking and we decided we're gonna be best friends. He's a little standoffish at first. But once he starts buying you things, man, you can tell he likes you.
53995 9 22 A.A.R.M 8030 Erin We have our decision.
53996 9 22 A.A.R.M 8030 Darryl You chose one thing?
53997 9 22 A.A.R.M 8030 Erin We want to dance with you.
53998 9 22 A.A.R.M 8030 Darryl You want to dance?
53999 9 22 A.A.R.M 8030 Erin One dance, all of us together.
54000 9 22 A.A.R.M 8030 Darryl This is what you want?
54001 9 22 A.A.R.M 8030 Erin Absolutely.
54002 9 22 A.A.R.M 8030 Darryl Better get some decent speakers up here then, cause we're gonna do this right.
54003 9 22 A.A.R.M 8030 Erin Yes!
54004 9 22 A.A.R.M 8031 Angela Hey. You wanted to see me?
54005 9 22 A.A.R.M 8031 Dwight Door. Chair. It's about Phillip.
54006 9 22 A.A.R.M 8031 Angela I am sorry he's here today but I hadâ
54007 9 22 A.A.R.M 8031 Dwight I believe that boy may be a Schrute. And if he is, that child needs to be accorded what is his. An enormous farm, an inheritance, and the right to be raised under rigorous Schrute traditions. You will, of course, be compensated with a marriage proposal.
54008 9 22 A.A.R.M 8031 Angela How thoughtful.
54009 9 22 A.A.R.M 8031 Dwight Then the two of you would move to my 1,600-acre estate, which, let's face it, is a big step up from living in a gay man's closet.
54010 9 22 A.A.R.M 8031 Angela If he is your son, that's a great plan. But he's not. He's not your son.
54011 9 22 A.A.R.M 8031 Dwight Very well.
54012 9 22 A.A.R.M 8031 Angela Can I go back to my desk now?
54013 9 22 A.A.R.M 8031 Dwight Yes.
54014 9 22 A.A.R.M 8032 Pam What is this?
54015 9 22 A.A.R.M 8032 Jim Well I've been trying to tell you how I feel, and you wouldn't believe me, so I needed a little help.
54016 9 22 A.A.R.M 8032 Dwight Jim! I need my assistant to the regional manager. Code red.
54017 9 22 A.A.R.M 8032 Jim OK, I don't have my pocket code chart on me, right now, so.
54018 9 22 A.A.R.M 8032 Dwight Now.
54019 9 22 A.A.R.M 8032 Jim I have an assistant now, who can help you with whatever you need. He is lazy, so crack the whip.
54020 9 22 A.A.R.M 8032 Dwight Jim. I'm not kidding. I need you.
54021 9 22 A.A.R.M 8032 Pam Go ahead.
54022 9 22 A.A.R.M 8032 Jim Ok, um, this is... âI'll be right back.
54023 9 22 A.A.R.M 8033 Jim What do we got?
54024 9 22 A.A.R.M 8033 Dwight I was thinking of proposing to Esther today.
54025 9 22 A.A.R.M 8033 Jim Wow! Congratulations, that's a really big step.
54026 9 22 A.A.R.M 8033 Dwight She's got a ton of great qualities. She's young, she's beautiful, genes so pure you could lick them. Her family admires me, my family tolerates hers. A lot of them are the same people because we're third cousins, which is great for bloodlines and isn't technically incest.
54027 9 22 A.A.R.M 8033 Jim Right in the sweet spot. I think you're gonna be really happy.
54028 9 22 A.A.R.M 8033 Dwight Plus her dowry contains a walk-in freezer full of frozen, premium cattle sperm.
54029 9 22 A.A.R.M 8033 Jim That's a lot of pros.
54030 9 22 A.A.R.M 8033 Dwight And did I mention that she weaves? Colorful, durable blankets and rugs! It all adds up.
54031 9 22 A.A.R.M 8033 Jim So what is the problem?
54032 9 22 A.A.R.M 8033 Dwight Angela.
54033 9 22 A.A.R.M 8034 Jim I don't know what you want me to tell you, man. All I know is that every time I've been faced with a tough decision, there's only one thing that outweighs every other concern. One thing that will make you give up on everything you thought you knew, every instinct, every rational calculation.
54034 9 22 A.A.R.M 8034 Dwight Some sort of virus?
54035 9 22 A.A.R.M 8034 Jim Love.
54036 9 22 A.A.R.M 8034 Dwight Oh.
54037 9 22 A.A.R.M 8035 Jim Dwight, listen: no matter what happens, you gotta forget about all the other stuff. You gotta forget about logic and fear and doubt. You just gotta do everything you can to get to the one woman who's gonna make all this worth it. At the end of the day, you gotta jump. You love Angela, Dwight. I think you always have.
54038 9 22 A.A.R.M 8035 Dwight You're a good assistant, Jim.
54039 9 22 A.A.R.M 8035 Jim Not as good as you.
54040 9 22 A.A.R.M 8035 Dwight That's very true. Get the hell outta here.
54041 9 22 A.A.R.M 8035 Jim You got it.
54042 9 22 A.A.R.M 8036 Jim You watched it.
54043 9 22 A.A.R.M 8036 Pam Yeah.
54044 9 22 A.A.R.M 8036 Jim Well, then I guess you're ready for this.
54045 9 22 A.A.R.M 8036 Pam What's that?
54046 9 22 A.A.R.M 8036 Jim It's from the teapot. Everything you'll ever need to know is in that note. Not enough for me? You are everything.
54047 9 22 A.A.R.M 8036 Pam Thank you.
54048 9 22 A.A.R.M 8037 Erin Ok, everybody ready?
54049 9 22 A.A.R.M 8037 Phyllis Hit it, red!
54050 9 22 A.A.R.M 8038 Darryl I wanted to leave quietly. It seemed dignified. But having Kevin grind up on my front while Erin pretends to hump me from behind is a more accurate tribute to my years here. I'm gonna miss these guys.
54051 9 22 A.A.R.M 8039 Oscar Ok, I've got myâ
54052 9 22 A.A.R.M 8039 Meredith See you guys at Poor Richard's, all right?
54053 9 22 A.A.R.M 8039 Oscar All right, Meredith.
54054 9 22 A.A.R.M 8039 Angela Okay, bye.
54055 9 22 A.A.R.M 8039 Oscar See you there.
54056 9 22 A.A.R.M 8039 Kevin Bye, Phillip. High five.
54057 9 22 A.A.R.M 8039 Oscar Yay! I am gonna drop Phillip off at my mother's, and I'll meet you at Poor Richard's in an hour.
54058 9 22 A.A.R.M 8039 Angela Are you sure you don't want me to drop him off?
54059 9 22 A.A.R.M 8039 Oscar She doesn't know I'm living with a straight woman. I don't want to get her hopes up.
54060 9 22 A.A.R.M 8039 Angela All right. Bye, buddy. Bye, bye, bye!
54061 9 22 A.A.R.M 8039 Oscar Oh, my goodness.
54062 9 22 A.A.R.M 8040 Dwight Pull over!
54063 9 22 A.A.R.M 8040 Angela Dwight?
54064 9 22 A.A.R.M 8040 Dwight Move to the side of the road!
54065 9 22 A.A.R.M 8040 Angela Why?
54066 9 22 A.A.R.M 8040 Dwight Pull over!
54067 9 22 A.A.R.M 8040 Angela What do youâDwight!
54068 9 22 A.A.R.M 8041 Angela Dwight! What the is your problem!
54069 9 22 A.A.R.M 8041 Dwight Shut up, woman!
54070 9 22 A.A.R.M 8041 Angela Who drives like that?
54071 9 22 A.A.R.M 8041 Dwight Listen to me! I love you! And I don't care that Phillip's not my son. I will raise 100 children with 100 of your lovers if it means that I can be with you!
54072 9 22 A.A.R.M 8041 Angela Can you put that down?
54073 9 22 A.A.R.M 8041 Dwight This expresses how loudly I love you.
54074 9 22 A.A.R.M 8041 Angela It's too loud.
54075 9 22 A.A.R.M 8041 Dwight This is a ring, taken from the buttocks of my grandmother, put there by the gangster patriarch of the Coors dynasty, melted in a foundry run by Mennonites.
54076 9 22 A.A.R.M 8041 Angela Okay, yesâyes, I will! I love you!
54077 9 22 A.A.R.M 8041 Dwight I love you!
54078 9 22 A.A.R.M 8041 Angela And I lied to you.
54079 9 22 A.A.R.M 8041 Dwight What?
54080 9 22 A.A.R.M 8041 Angela Phillip's your son.
54081 9 22 A.A.R.M 8041 Dwight What? Why would you say thatâ
54082 9 22 A.A.R.M 8041 Angela I just needed you to want to marry me because you wanted to marry me.
54083 9 22 A.A.R.M 8041 Dwight Get out! I'm a dad!
54084 9 22 A.A.R.M 8041 Angela You're a dad!
54085 9 22 A.A.R.M 8042 Creed Hey, grab a seat. We have that table and that table, but not that table or that table or that table. Floor's up for grabs. Meredith has been hogging the can. Oh!
54086 9 22 A.A.R.M 8042 Erin You have to change the channel to PBS.
54087 9 22 A.A.R.M 8042 Kevin Yeah.
54088 9 22 A.A.R.M 8042 Bartender College baseball is on.
54089 9 22 A.A.R.M 8042 Erin But there's a documentary coming up. Everyone in the bar will love it.
54090 9 22 A.A.R.M 8042 Bartender What's it about?
54091 9 22 A.A.R.M 8042 Erin A paper company.
54092 9 22 A.A.R.M 8042 Bartender How many people want the game? Who wants PBS? Sorry. Tie means I do nothing.
54093 9 22 A.A.R.M 8042 Kevin Sir, please. This show is about me and my attempts to find love in all the wrong places.
54094 9 22 A.A.R.M 8042 Andy One more for the doc.
54095 9 22 A.A.R.M 8042 Bartender All right.
54096 9 22 A.A.R.M 8042 Kevin Yes!
54097 9 22 A.A.R.M 8042 Clark Hey, how was the singing show audition?
54098 9 22 A.A.R.M 8042 Andy Oh. Eh, whatever. No big deal.
54099 9 22 A.A.R.M 8042 Creed Ok, thirty seconds to showtime!
54100 9 22 A.A.R.M 8042 Kevin I feel scared a little.
54101 9 22 A.A.R.M 8042 Phyllis Yeah, I'm not ready for this.
54102 9 22 A.A.R.M 8042 Stanley No one is ready for this. You can't be ready for this. We don't even know what this is.
54103 9 22 A.A.R.M 8042 Oscar One thing we do know, nothing will ever be the same.
54104 9 22 A.A.R.M 8042 Jim Here we go.
54105 9 24 Finale 8043 Dwight The documentary series finished airing ages ago. Why is PBS sending another crew?
54106 9 24 Finale 8043 Camera Man We're getting bonus footage for the DVD.
54107 9 24 Finale 8043 Dwight pff, Nobody buys DVDs anymore.
54108 9 24 Finale 8043 Camera Man It'll be a pledge gift.
54109 9 24 Finale 8043 Dwight PBS. The propaganda wing of Bill and Melinda Gates and viewers like you.
54110 9 24 Finale 8044 Dwight In the past year, I have consolidated the entire Scranton paper market. We regained the white pages, the school district, Lackawanna county. We supply them all. I'm getting married tomorrow afternoon, and in the morning, there's a mini-reunion. A kind of a "where are they now" panel at a local theatre. It'll be nice to see everyone again. I haven't seen Kevin since we let him go.
54111 9 24 Finale 8045 Dwight Today marks several important milestones. Stanley, as you know, is retiring.
54112 9 24 Finale 8045 Kevin Yes! Whoo, whoo, whoo!
54113 9 24 Finale 8045 Stanley Ah, I've been looking forward to this day since I was 18 years old.
54114 9 24 Finale 8045 Meredith Speech!
54115 9 24 Finale 8045 Dwight No! And our next and most thickly frosted cake is...for...Kevin.
54116 9 24 Finale 8045 Kevin Yes! Wait, why?
54117 9 24 Finale 8045 Dwight Go ahead and just read the frosting.
54118 9 24 Finale 8045 Kevin "Get out."
54119 9 24 Finale 8045 Dwight Uh-huh.
54120 9 24 Finale 8045 Kevin What does that mean?
54121 9 24 Finale 8045 Dwight It's a colloquial way of saying "you're fired," Kevin, which you are.
54122 9 24 Finale 8045 Pam What? Dwight, you can't do that.
54123 9 24 Finale 8045 Dwight The cake has spoken Pam. Sorry.
54124 9 24 Finale 8045 All What?!
54125 9 24 Finale 8045 Dwight Well if anyone here can make a case for Kevin staying.
54126 9 24 Finale 8045 All Dwight...
54127 9 24 Finale 8045 Dwight Based...on his merit.
54128 9 24 Finale 8045 Oscar Ooh.
54129 9 24 Finale 8045 Jim Umm....
54130 9 24 Finale 8045 Kevin I'm...good.
54131 9 24 Finale 8045 Pam Well, Toby will stop it. Anytime anyone's ever been fired, Toby's blocked it, so...
54132 9 24 Finale 8045 Toby Yeah. Yeah, I don't think...
54133 9 24 Finale 8045 Dwight Toby, wait. Wait. Hold that thought. Here's your cake. Bye, bye Toby.
54134 9 24 Finale 8045 Kevin At least I got chocolate.
54135 9 24 Finale 8046 Jim I bike to work now. Saves on gas, cheaper than a vasectomy and, uh, oh, yeah, it's good for the environment too.
54136 9 24 Finale 8047 Jim Pam and I are great. She just recently finished her mural for the Irish cultural center.
54137 9 24 Finale 8048 Crowd Whoo! Yeah
54138 9 24 Finale 8048 Jim Can you clap! Can you clap for mom?
54139 9 24 Finale 8049 Jim And Dwight is imitating Japanese business practices for reasons he explained to us in Japanese.
54140 9 24 Finale 8050 Pam Angela, are you ready for the wedding?
54141 9 24 Finale 8050 Angela Yes. My heart is so open, I am so at peace. Look at Meredith. She's disgusting. Those feet. They're like the paws of an orangutan.
54142 9 24 Finale 8050 Pam I think she looks good. Now that she's wearing sports bras, we don't see her boobs as much.
54143 9 24 Finale 8050 Dwight That is all. Have a good morning.
54144 9 24 Finale 8050 Meredith Thank you.
54145 9 24 Finale 8050 Dwight What was that for?
54146 9 24 Finale 8050 Angela To remind you that our wedding's gonna be wonderful.
54147 9 24 Finale 8050 Dwight Ah. I know. It just feels so empty with so many of the old gang gone.
54148 9 24 Finale 8050 Angela D, it's gonna be perfect. The only people that need to be there are you and me.
54149 9 24 Finale 8050 Dwight Oh, and the old man to feed us the cheese that he's been fermenting since the day of my birth. You keep forgetting about him.
54150 9 24 Finale 8050 Angela I don't...I don't know why.
54151 9 24 Finale 8051 Dwight I brought in some new faces, and one old. I always like Devon. I hired him back after Creed faked his own death in the baler the day after the doc aired. The only person he fooled was Kevin. Then the police showed up. Turns out, Creed was in the band "The Grass Roots" in the 1960's. During that time, the police say he sold drugs and trafficked in endangered species meat and stole weapons-grade LSD from the military.
54152 9 24 Finale 8052 Phyllis Oh, some fudge?
54153 9 24 Finale 8052 Malcolm Oh, thanks. I love your fudge.
54154 9 24 Finale 8052 Phyllis Thanks.
54155 9 24 Finale 8052 Malcolm I think I gained a couple of pounds since I got here.
54156 9 24 Finale 8052 Phyllis Oh, you can afford it.
54157 9 24 Finale 8053 Phyllis After 16 years, it's strange sitting across from somebody who isn't Stanley. But...he'll get there.
54158 9 24 Finale 8054 Jim Okay, the limo's gonna be here at five. I need everybody to be ready â˜cause I want to pack in a lot.
54159 9 24 Finale 8054 Zeke Party time! Whorehouse!
54160 9 24 Finale 8054 Jim Uh, no. No whorehouse. This is Dwight's night, okay?
54161 9 24 Finale 8054 Zeke Well, you're the bestisch mensch.
54162 9 24 Finale 8055 Jim Dwight has made me his bestisch mensch. Which is Schrute for best man. He's putting himself entirely in my hands tonight. And I know for over 12 years I've done nothing but trick and prank him but tonight...only good surprises. "Guten Pranken".
54163 9 24 Finale 8056 Dwight Oh hey, Jim. I forgot to mention. Oftentimes, in Hollywood portrayals of bachelor parties, there are accidental murders. That won't be necessary tonight.
54164 9 24 Finale 8056 Clark Great, now we got three hours to fill.
54165 9 24 Finale 8056 Jim Okay, hold on. Are you sure Mose isn't going to show up?
54166 9 24 Finale 8056 Dwight Ever since Angela moved in and Mose had to stop sleeping at the foot of my bed, he's been acting pretty weird about this whole wedding thing.
54167 9 24 Finale 8056 Jim Mose has been weird? That's so unlike him.
54168 9 24 Finale 8057 Andy Yeah, sure, I'll talk about it. Why not? American's next A Cappella Sensation aired my audition. And when I started sobbing uncontrollably, apparently that struck a chord with quite a lot of people. Not a very compassionate chord. The clip went viral, as they say
54169 9 24 Finale 8058 Casey You can't just sit here and cry.
54170 9 24 Finale 8058 Andy Oh, I can so just sit here and cry!
54171 9 24 Finale 8059 Andy Two million hits in the first week and then the parodies started. One from the Philippines got 12 million hits. And the late night comedy guys had a field day with it.
54172 9 24 Finale 8060 Seth Mayers Oh, Don't. Aw, come on, Baby Wawa. Don't be such a baby.
54173 9 24 Finale 8060 Seth Mayers Oh, No. It's gonna be alright.
54174 9 24 Finale 8060 Seth Mayers It's gonna be all right. For Weekend Update I'm Seth Meyers. That's Baby Wawa. Good night.
54175 9 24 Finale 8060 Bill Hader Bye!
54176 9 24 Finale 8061 Andy After my clip blew up, I actually got a call from the double rainbow guy and the fat Star Wars kid. Turns out they have a support group. Not really my scene.
54177 9 24 Finale 8062 Oscar Years ago, the senator promised a left turn lane by the Arby's. So I wanna know where in the name of horsey sauce is it? Well, yeah, you...hold on.
54178 9 24 Finale 8062 Dakota Hi. I keep seeing this symbol in the accounts from last year. It's..it's all over the place. I don't know what it means.
54179 9 24 Finale 8062 Oscar That's the reason Kevin got fired. It's his magic number. He used to use it to balance his accounts. He used to call it a Keleven. He told Dwight, "A mistake plus Keleven gets you home by seven." He was home by 4:45 that day.
54180 9 24 Finale 8063 Nellie Oh, I live in Poland now. The Scranton of the E.U. Thank you for flying me out here for the weekend. I'm looking forward to the reunion panel tomorrow. Can't wait to see everyone. Well, almost everyone.
54181 9 24 Finale 8064 Toby Hello! Hello!
54182 9 24 Finale 8064 Nellie Oh.
54183 9 24 Finale 8064 Toby Hi!
54184 9 24 Finale 8064 Nellie No.
54185 9 24 Finale 8064 Toby Oh.
54186 9 24 Finale 8064 Nellie How did you now my plane had arrived? How long have you been stalking me?
54187 9 24 Finale 8064 Toby Oh, no, no. no. My plane just got in. From New York. Are you still with Piotr?
54188 9 24 Finale 8064 Nellie No. And I thought I unfriended you.
54189 9 24 Finale 8064 Toby Anyone can follow a Twitter feed. Wanna share a cab?
54190 9 24 Finale 8065 Toby After Dwight fired me, I moved to New York to write the great American novel. I have six roommates. Heh. Which are better than friends, you know âCause they have to give you one month's notice before they leave.
54191 9 24 Finale 8066 Andy Hey-OH!
54192 9 24 Finale 8066 Meredith Andy?
54193 9 24 Finale 8066 Oscar You're back?
54194 9 24 Finale 8066 Andy Yeah.
54195 9 24 Finale 8066 Malcolm That's Baby Wawa, right? Oh, my God!
54196 9 24 Finale 8066 Jim Hey man, good to see you.
54197 9 24 Finale 8066 Andy Thank you. Yeah,
54198 9 24 Finale 8066 Phyllis . Andy...
54199 9 24 Finale 8066 Andy Hey! Aw! A bear hug from my favorite mama grizzly.
54200 9 24 Finale 8066 Phyllis Andy, I've been worried about you. How are you?
54201 9 24 Finale 8066 Andy A little warm.
54202 9 24 Finale 8066 Phyllis Poor, poor Andy.
54203 9 24 Finale 8066 Andy Okay. Aw. Thank you Phyllis.
54204 9 24 Finale 8066 Darryl Hello, hello.
54205 9 24 Finale 8066 Jim Hey!
54206 9 24 Finale 8066 Meredith Darryl!
54207 9 24 Finale 8066 Andy Hey!
54208 9 24 Finale 8066 Darryl Hey, what's up?
54209 9 24 Finale 8066 Andy Didn't I just see you at the airport jumping in a limo?
54210 9 24 Finale 8066 Darryl What? Must've been another devilishly handsome debonair individual.
54211 9 24 Finale 8066 Andy Hmm.
54212 9 24 Finale 8066 Darryl Hey, man. How are you doing? I, um...I didn't call â˜cause I figured you changed the number.
54213 9 24 Finale 8066 Andy No I didn't change the number. All good though. Phone never rings.
54214 9 24 Finale 8066 Dwight What? Ooh!
54215 9 24 Finale 8066 Andy Surprise!
54216 9 24 Finale 8066 Dwight I thought you guys couldn't come.
54217 9 24 Finale 8066 Darryl Yeah, but then they moved the panel to the same weekend and the Doc crew paid to fly us in. It was kismet.
54218 9 24 Finale 8067 Jim Kismet? Yeah, right. Pam and I came up with excuses for every other weekend. You remember my two lap band surgeries, right? Neither do I? "Guten Prank" number one.
54219 9 24 Finale 8068 Darryl You ready for tonight? We gonna tear up the town?
54220 9 24 Finale 8068 Dwight Uh, better ask Jim.
54221 9 24 Finale 8068 Jim And Jim will say nothing.
54222 9 24 Finale 8068 Pam Darryl! Andy!
54223 9 24 Finale 8068 Andy Hey! Pam!
54224 9 24 Finale 8068 Darryl Hey, Pam! How are you?
54225 9 24 Finale 8068 Pam We're fine. Yeah. And I'm sure that you guys are fine too. Because why wouldn't you be?
54226 9 24 Finale 8068 Andy Mm-hmm.
54227 9 24 Finale 8068 Pam Darryl, oh, my gosh. How is Austin? Tell me everything. How's the merger? I feel like I read about Athlead all the time.
54228 9 24 Finale 8068 Darryl I love it. And it's Athleap now. And the city is amazing.
54229 9 24 Finale 8068 Jim Yeah?
54230 9 24 Finale 8068 Darryl Yeah. Yeah, it's hot. The music is awesome. And the tacos are...for real.
54231 9 24 Finale 8068 Jim Wow! That sounds incredible. . Oh, guys. Limo's here. Let's do this. Change if you need to.
54232 9 24 Finale 8068 Oscar Whoo, whoo, whoo.
54233 9 24 Finale 8068 Pam Okay, you guys, have fun. You too, Andy.
54234 9 24 Finale 8069 Oscar Yeah!
54235 9 24 Finale 8069 Andy Aw!
54236 9 24 Finale 8069 Darryl Woah-Oh! Haven't been in one of these in forever.
54237 9 24 Finale 8070 Oscar They wanted me to go to the bachelorette party with the girls. Really? Such a cliché. I'm a man. So I'm going to the bachelor party with the boys. I just have to remember how I acted before I came out.
54238 9 24 Finale 8071 Oscar WASSUUUUP!
54239 9 24 Finale 8072 Dwight Wait, why are we stopping? Jim, this isn't on the itinerary.
54240 9 24 Finale 8072 Jim Get out.
54241 9 24 Finale 8072 Dwight Jim...wha... Come on! What...what are you gonna whack me, Jim?
54242 9 24 Finale 8072 Jim No, Dwight. You'll be doing the whacking.
54243 9 24 Finale 8072 Dwight A bazooka. You remembered.
54244 9 24 Finale 8072 Jim Of course I did.
54245 9 24 Finale 8072 Dwight . Get out of my way.
54246 9 24 Finale 8073 All OH!
54247 9 24 Finale 8073 Dwight Woo! Okay!
54248 9 24 Finale 8073 Jim Yeah! Guten Prank number two.
54249 9 24 Finale 8074 Jim Private Room.
54250 9 24 Finale 8074 Oscar Yeah, brosef.
54251 9 24 Finale 8074 Dwight Amazing.
54252 9 24 Finale 8074 Jim Enjoy, enjoy.
54253 9 24 Finale 8074 Guy Hey, I know you. Are you gonna sit here and cry?
54254 9 24 Finale 8074 Jim Okay, man, easy.
54255 9 24 Finale 8074 Jim Hey, dude, leave him alone. What are you doing?
54256 9 24 Finale 8074 Andy Jim, it's fine. He'll just get you on his cell phone and then that'll go viral.
54257 9 24 Finale 8074 Darryl That happens a lot?
54258 9 24 Finale 8074 Andy Yeah, I guess. But things are going well actually. I spoke at Cornell during commencement week. I mean, the seniors invited me as a joke but it was a huge success.
54259 9 24 Finale 8074 Oscar Well, I bet it was a smash.
54260 9 24 Finale 8074 Andy That's how I got my new job in the admissions office.
54261 9 24 Finale 8074 Oscar Is that a volunteer program or...
54262 9 24 Finale 8074 Andy No. It's a job. Things are going great.
54263 9 24 Finale 8074 Darryl Let's get a drink in you, huh?
54264 9 24 Finale 8074 Andy Yes.
54265 9 24 Finale 8075 Meredith Whoo-hoo. Let's get this party started!
54266 9 24 Finale 8075 Rachel Where's my angel.
54267 9 24 Finale 8076 Angela This is my big sister Rachel.
54268 9 24 Finale 8076 Rachel No, this is my big sister Angela.
54269 9 24 Finale 8076 Angela We're very close. We even have our own special language.
54270 9 24 Finale 8077 Angela People love it.
54271 9 24 Finale 8077 Rachel They do.
54272 9 24 Finale 8078 Dwight Man, how long have we been sitting here?
54273 9 24 Finale 8078 Stripper Hi, boys!
54274 9 24 Finale 8078 All Ohh...
54275 9 24 Finale 8078 Clark Here we go!
54276 9 24 Finale 8078 Dwight Oh, Thank God. We are famished!
54277 9 24 Finale 8078 Stripper Hey, did somebody order the chef special?
54278 9 24 Finale 8078 Darryl Right there.
54279 9 24 Finale 8078 Dwight No, we haven't ordered anything. No one's even taken our drinks. Uh, what is the chef special?
54280 9 24 Finale 8078 Stripper I bet you boys have a big appetite.
54281 9 24 Finale 8078 Dwight Oh, we do. So we'll have an onion loaf for the table, please. And tell us about your heartiest soups.
54282 9 24 Finale 8078 Stripper Mm, I know what you want. I know exactly what you want.
54283 9 24 Finale 8078 Dwight Yes, an onion loaf for the table but that's not all. Now the chef special sounded good. What is it exactly?
54284 9 24 Finale 8078 Stripper Ohh, shh.
54285 9 24 Finale 8078 Dwight Okay, what are you doing? Are you giving me a taste of the chef's special? Tastes like cigarettes. That won't work. That's no good.
54286 9 24 Finale 8079 Erin Whoo!
54287 9 24 Finale 8079 Angela What? Okay.
54288 9 24 Finale 8079 Pam Oh, boy.
54289 9 24 Finale 8079 Erin Oh!
54290 9 24 Finale 8079 Jakey Heard you guys needed some pipes fixed or cleaned or whatever.
54291 9 24 Finale 8079 Phyllis Angela's special repairman is here.
54292 9 24 Finale 8079 Angela Wait, what is this?
54293 9 24 Finale 8079 Meredith Shut up. Jakey?
54294 9 24 Finale 8079 Jakey Mom?
54295 9 24 Finale 8079 Pam Wait, wait. What?
54296 9 24 Finale 8079 Jakey Oh, man.
54297 9 24 Finale 8079 Meredith No, no, no, no. Just do your wok. Pretend mom's not here.
54298 9 24 Finale 8079 Pam Uh, that seems inappropriate.
54299 9 24 Finale 8079 Meredith Give the good show, my little entrepreneur.
54300 9 24 Finale 8079 Jakey Okay.
54301 9 24 Finale 8079 Meredith Take it off. . Yeah! Good song choice, Jakey. Stripper's only as good as his song.
54302 9 24 Finale 8079 Rachel oh, wowee wow.
54303 9 24 Finale 8079 Angela Okay...
54304 9 24 Finale 8079 Pam Whoo-hoo...go, Meredith's stripper son.
54305 9 24 Finale 8079 Angela Rachel, are you all right?
54306 9 24 Finale 8079 Rachel I don't know! I don't know.
54307 9 24 Finale 8079 Angela Oh geeze. . Oh, my God!
54308 9 24 Finale 8079 Meredith Be gentle Jakey. Gentle. One second. Just one second. Look.
54309 9 24 Finale 8079 Angela Okay, if anything, this is rougher. Stop it Meredith.
54310 9 24 Finale 8079 Meredith Fine. My bad. Go ahead Jakey.
54311 9 24 Finale 8079 Angela Uh, no. It's o...thank you. You know what? You don't have to...oh no, no, no. No, no, no. It's okay.
54312 9 24 Finale 8080 Dwight Now, for the last time, I'd like a side salad with balsamic.
54313 9 24 Finale 8080 Clark Dwight, for the last time, she's not a waitress.
54314 9 24 Finale 8080 Dwight You're telling me!
54315 9 24 Finale 8080 Oscar If you want her to leave, just tip her.
54316 9 24 Finale 8080 Dwight What for? We haven't even gotten bread yet. Does anyone wanna split a twice baked potato? Do you have those? Those aren't deep fried, right?
54317 9 24 Finale 8081 Angela That was interesting. What was that?
54318 9 24 Finale 8081 Phyllis It's just the wind.
54319 9 24 Finale 8081 Angela Will you lock the door?
54320 9 24 Finale 8081 Phyllis Okay. It's just the wind, see? Nothing.
54321 9 24 Finale 8081 Angela Alright, see, you don't have to leave the door wide open. We get it. It's the wind. Just come and shut... OH! My God!
54322 9 24 Finale 8081 Erin Phyllis!
54323 9 24 Finale 8081 Rachel What's happening?
54324 9 24 Finale 8082 Dwight Oh, man, never thought I'd say this but I think I ate too much bone marrow.
54325 9 24 Finale 8082 Jim Oh, it's the girls. Hey Pam. What? Angela's been kidnapped! Phyllis left the door open and some freak came and grabbed her and fled.
54326 9 24 Finale 8082 Dwight Good old Mose.
54327 9 24 Finale 8082 Jim They think it was Mose.
54328 9 24 Finale 8082 Dwight Oh, great. He's getting into the spirit of the festivities. Fantastic. He just pulled off a Braut Entfuhrung.
54329 9 24 Finale 8082 Oscar What is that?
54330 9 24 Finale 8082 Dwight A ceremonial bridal kidnapping. He will take the bride and hide her at a local pub and when I find the place, I have to buy everyone drinks. Ah, all right! Oh Mose.
54331 9 24 Finale 8082 Jim Wait a minute. You said the tradition is for the groom is search for her and it ends at a pub. So how about the last pub you'd ever set foot in in this town?
54332 9 24 Finale 8082 Dwight Right. Which one is that?
54333 9 24 Finale 8082 Jim Mm, hey driver. Why don't you take us to 3030 Adams?
54334 9 24 Finale 8083 Jim Is that Mose?
54335 9 24 Finale 8083 Dwight Yes, it is! I am here for my bride!
54336 9 24 Finale 8083 Mose Well, first, buy us a drink.
54337 9 24 Finale 8083 All If you want your bride, buy us a drink! If you want your bride, buy us a drink.
54338 9 24 Finale 8083 Dwight Very well! Drinks on me! Bartender! Oh.
54339 9 24 Finale 8083 Kevin Well, well, well, well, well, well. That's six "wells." Did I get that number right, Dwight?
54340 9 24 Finale 8083 Dwight I heard you bought a bar, Kevin.
54341 9 24 Finale 8083 Kevin Yes. I did. This one. Now get out!
54342 9 24 Finale 8083 Dwight Why did you pick this place?
54343 9 24 Finale 8083 Jim Ooh.
54344 9 24 Finale 8083 Dwight You? You did this as a prank. My own Bestich Mensch.
54345 9 24 Finale 8083 Jim Nope, not a prank. I think it's time for you to bury the hatchet.
54346 9 24 Finale 8083 Dwight Waste of a good hatchet.
54347 9 24 Finale 8083 Jim Okay, just talk.
54348 9 24 Finale 8083 Kevin Well, w...
54349 9 24 Finale 8083 Dwight I heard you say "well" the first time.
54350 9 24 Finale 8084 Jim I know Dwight misses Kevin. I saw him make his portrait out of a Wooly Willy. Tomorrow's his wedding day. You can't be anything but happy on your wedding day.
54351 9 24 Finale 8085 Dwight It was nothing personal. It's just that you were terrible at your job.
54352 9 24 Finale 8085 Kevin You're just saying that to make me feel better.
54353 9 24 Finale 8085 Dwight No really. You were terrible at math and organization, time management, personal hygiene. Your internet searches were so filthy we had to throw our your computer.
54354 9 24 Finale 8085 Kevin Is that all it was?
54355 9 24 Finale 8085 Dwight That's it.
54356 9 24 Finale 8085 Kevin Come here
54357 9 24 Finale 8085 Dwight I missed you Kevin.
54358 9 24 Finale 8085 Kevin I missed you!
54359 9 24 Finale 8085 Dwight Ohh.
54360 9 24 Finale 8086 Mose Guten Prank.
54361 9 24 Finale 8086 Jim Yes, Mose. Guten Prank number three.
54362 9 24 Finale 8087 Dwight You've had your drink. Now where is my bride?
54363 9 24 Finale 8088 Dwight Mose! What..ooh, Mose.
54364 9 24 Finale 8088 Angela What the is your problem you ?!
54365 9 24 Finale 8089 Jim Hey. Hey, is Angela coming or...
54366 9 24 Finale 8089 Dwight No. We can't see each other on our wedding day. And her legs are still numb from being in the trunk.
54367 9 24 Finale 8089 Jim Right.
54368 9 24 Finale 8089 Stanley Hey guys.
54369 9 24 Finale 8089 All Stanley!
54370 9 24 Finale 8089 Erin How's Florida?
54371 9 24 Finale 8089 Stanley Oh, great.
54372 9 24 Finale 8090 Stanley Yes, I'm living in Florida now. Little town called Florida City, just on the edge of the everglades. The man who delivered my divorce papers came by fan boat which was kinda fun. I sit on my porch all day, carving birds.
54373 9 24 Finale 8091 Jim Am I the only one that's nervous? How are you doing with this? Should we have bailed?
54374 9 24 Finale 8091 Pam No, no, I'm fine.
54375 9 24 Finale 8091 Jim Doesn't seem like anyone cares about us anyway.
54376 9 24 Finale 8091 Stanley I guess this was work being filmed nonstop for nine years.
54377 9 24 Finale 8091 Andy I'm sorry guys. This is probably on me. I got hated on pretty hard when that auto-tune went viral.
54378 9 24 Finale 8092 Kevin People actually dance to this. It's in my juke box. None of the money goes to Andy though.
54379 9 24 Finale 8093 Kevin Yeah, people hate you.
54380 9 24 Finale 8093 Andy I'll go talk to the manager. Maybe we should just go home.
54381 9 24 Finale 8094 Man Hey! It's Andy Bernard!
54382 9 24 Finale 8094 All Nard Dog! Ree-De-De-De-Doo!
54383 9 24 Finale 8094 Andy Ree-De-De-De-Doo!
54384 9 24 Finale 8095 Man 1 How did it feel to see your lives played out on tv?
54385 9 24 Finale 8095 David Wallace It's like seeing a documentary about how your food is made. It's kinda disgusting. You learn a lot, but I didn't wanna know any of it.
54386 9 24 Finale 8095 Dwight With today's modern surveillance technology we are in a constant state of being watched weather it's our government or the government of other countries a.k.a. Google. You guys are being filmed way more than we ever were.
54387 9 24 Finale 8095 Pete Uh, no one recognizes me. But not all my friends call me Plop. So... thanks PBS.
54388 9 24 Finale 8096 Woman 1 Uh, Jim, that DVD in the last episode was so romantic. And, um, I think we'd all love to know, Pam, what romantic thing did you do to pay Jim back for leaving Athlead?
54389 9 24 Finale 8096 Pam Well, I mean, How do you pay back someone for something like that? But, uh, I don't know. I'm working on something.
54390 9 24 Finale 8096 Jim She pays me back every day just by being my wife so that's fine.
54391 9 24 Finale 8096 All Awww.
54392 9 24 Finale 8096 Jim O-Kay.
54393 9 24 Finale 8097 Woman 2 All I can say is, if I had Jim, he would have a free pass to do anything. I mean if I lucked into that... he could do anything. Anything.
54394 9 24 Finale 8097 Pam I'm sorry. Is there a question?
54395 9 24 Finale 8097 Woman 2 Uh, no.
54396 9 24 Finale 8098 Man 2 Pam, what was in that teapot letter?
54397 9 24 Finale 8098 Pam Oh, um, well, you know, I... I just... I just think I would rather keep that private. You know, if you'd been filmed for nine years of your life, there'd be some things that you just wanna keep to yourself.
54398 9 24 Finale 8098 Man 2 I hear ya. What did it say?
54399 9 24 Finale 8098 Moderator We're gonna move on. Next question please.
54400 9 24 Finale 8099 Man 3 Do you find that your life feels pointless now that nobody's actually filming you anymore?
54401 9 24 Finale 8099 Toby Yes.
54402 9 24 Finale 8100 Woman 3 I wanna know how everyone felt they were portrayed. Was it accurate?
54403 9 24 Finale 8100 Meredith I got a beef with that. Um, for the first seven years, I was getting my PhD in School Psychology and they didn't show it. Yes, I was getting hammered but, hey, it was college.
54404 9 24 Finale 8101 Woman 4 I have a question for Jim and Pam. Everyone watching sees how much you love each other and how you're soul mates. So, Pam, how could you doubt that when Jim moved to Philadelphia?
54405 9 24 Finale 8101 Jim Um, you know what, I actually didn't handle that move, uh, very gracefully. From not communicating to being a little selfish.
54406 9 24 Finale 8101 Pam Listen, um... I was scared, you know? I loved what I had, and I didn't want to risk it. And I think that maybe I did doubt him a little too. Which was wrong because he's shown me time and again. But when the documentary started airing, people on the street told me that I had this fairy-tale romance. But there were a lot of times last year where it did not feel like a fairy tale. But then it got deeper, and it got stronger and now it's better than a fairy tale. It's like a long book that you never want to end. And you're fine with that because you just never, ever wanna leave it.
54407 9 24 Finale 8101 Woman 4 Like Harry Potter.
54408 9 24 Finale 8101 Pam Yeah, like Harry Potter.
54409 9 24 Finale 8102 Joan I have a question for Erin.
54410 9 24 Finale 8102 Erin Really?
54411 9 24 Finale 8102 Joan Yes. Um, the thing I found most compelling about the documentary was your search for your birth mother.
54412 9 24 Finale 8102 Erin Thank you.
54413 9 24 Finale 8102 Joan So my question is, um, do... don't you hate her? I mean, I would just imagine that you were so angry at her that you would hate her.
54414 9 24 Finale 8102 Erin Maybe sometimes. But not like "hate" hate. More just like, "Mom, I hate you!" And then she would say "go to your room, young lady." And I'd stamp my foot and run upstairs and I have a room, which is really cool. And then we'd just have dinner together. But I don't know. I'd have to meet her. Thanks.
54415 9 24 Finale 8102 Joan Erin...
54416 9 24 Finale 8102 Erin Yes?
54417 9 24 Finale 8102 Joan Um...Oh, Erin..
54418 9 24 Finale 8102 Erin Yes? Is there a follow-up question? Mom?
54419 9 24 Finale 8102 Ed Erin... Same question but about your dad?
54420 9 24 Finale 8102 Moderator Well, this feels like a good place to stop. Let's thank all of our wonderful panelists for being here on this wonderful panel today. Next week at the Scranton Cultural Center don't forget, Irish Step Dancing semifinals. Winning team to Mid-Atlantic.
54421 9 24 Finale 8103 Kevin Where's the, uh, basket for gifts?
54422 9 24 Finale 8103 Usher Right there, sir.
54423 9 24 Finale 8103 Kevin Okay.
54424 9 24 Finale 8104 Dakota Hi, I'm Dakota.
54425 9 24 Finale 8104 Creed Jeff Bomondo. I sell ceramic tile out of Newark.
54426 9 24 Finale 8104 Dakota Nice.
54427 9 24 Finale 8104 Creed My wife's name is Kathryn. I can show you my social security card if it helps.
54428 9 24 Finale 8105 Kelly Uck, Look at all this mud. Can you imagine if I had worn my Jimmy Choos? I just saved you 600 bucks mister.
54429 9 24 Finale 8105 Ravi Thanks for helping out, sweetie.
54430 9 24 Finale 8105 Ryan Kelly, you're here.
54431 9 24 Finale 8105 Kelly Hey, Ryan!
54432 9 24 Finale 8105 Ryan Hey.
54433 9 24 Finale 8105 Kelly Whose baby is this? Oh, are, like, a nanny now?
54434 9 24 Finale 8105 Ryan No, this little guy is mine.
54435 9 24 Finale 8106 Ryan So I was dating this girl, and one day, she went out to get a new charger for her e-cigarette. Never came back. Oldest story in the book.
54436 9 24 Finale 8107 Ryan Say "hi", Drake.
54437 9 24 Finale 8107 Kelly Drake is your baby's name?
54438 9 24 Finale 8107 Ryan Yeah.
54439 9 24 Finale 8107 Kelly That is an amazing name. I'm obsessed with Drake. His last album... it just touched me to pieces.
54440 9 24 Finale 8107 Ryan No Kelly, he's no named after a hip-hop artist from 2011. It's Drake, like a mix of Drew and Blake.
54441 9 24 Finale 8107 Kelly Cool. Well, he is so cute. Ravi, check out this cute baby. I'm obsessed with him. Ravi is a pediatrician and some of his patients are total uggos.
54442 9 24 Finale 8107 Ravi They're called premature, sweetie. It's good to see you again Ryan.
54443 9 24 Finale 8108 Phyllis Let me help you us.
54444 9 24 Finale 8108 Angela Thanks. Oh. Ouch.
54445 9 24 Finale 8108 Pam Oh, boy. Maybe your heels are too high.
54446 9 24 Finale 8108 Angela No, my heels aren't too high. It's because I spent three hours in a car trunk. Thanks for not locking the door when I asked you to, Phyllis. Sorry Phyllis. You didn't know. As long as I can get to the altar.
54447 9 24 Finale 8108 Phyllis Oh, I'm gonna get you to that altar. You can take that to the bank.
54448 9 24 Finale 8109 Jim You ready?
54449 9 24 Finale 8109 Dwight You kidding? I was born ready.
54450 9 24 Finale 8109 Jim Dwight, Dwight, Dwight. Um... I don't know how to tell you this, but... we have a little bit of a problem.
54451 9 24 Finale 8109 Dwight Oh, no. What?
54452 9 24 Finale 8109 Jim The minister just told me that it's tradition for the Bestish Mensch to be older than the groom.
54453 9 24 Finale 8109 Dwight Oh, come on. I've never heard of such a thing.
54454 9 24 Finale 8109 Jim I haven't heard of it, obviously. But I'm out because I am significantly younger than you-
54455 9 24 Finale 8109 Dwight Not... significant is a big word...
54456 9 24 Finale 8109 Jim I think it's definitely... Well, okay. Either way...
54457 9 24 Finale 8109 Dwight I think you're only a teeny...
54458 9 24 Finale 8109 Jim Either way, Dwight... I can't be there for you. I'm sorry.
54459 9 24 Finale 8109 Dwight Jim.
54460 9 24 Finale 8109 Jim I just...really wish there was something I could do.
54461 9 24 Finale 8109 Dwight Michael. I can't believe you came.
54462 9 24 Finale 8109 Michael That's what she said.
54463 9 24 Finale 8110 Jim Best prank ever.
54464 9 24 Finale 8111 Minister As it is traditional to the Schrutes, the lovers are standing in their own graves as a reminder that this is the only escape from what they are about to do.
54465 9 24 Finale 8111 Nellie See, I get what they are trying to do, but why are the graves so shallow?
54466 9 24 Finale 8112 Kevin "Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away. For lo, the winter is passed. The rain is over and gone. The time of singing has come and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. Let me see your face. Let me hear your voice for your voice is sweet and your face is comely. "
54467 9 24 Finale 8113 Minister I now pronounce you man and wife. Release the doves!
54468 9 24 Finale 8113 Kelly Oh.
54469 9 24 Finale 8113 Kevin That's not...
54470 9 24 Finale 8113 Dwight Ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much for coming. Now, please take your hay bales to the reception. They'll be used for seating. Complimentary hay hooks are placed alone the aisles. Just stab â˜em on in there.
54471 9 24 Finale 8114 Dwight Everybody!
54472 9 24 Finale 8115 Jim See, now you don't owe me anything.
54473 9 24 Finale 8116 Ryan Ravi? Ravi? Drake has a bit of a rash. And he's hot.
54474 9 24 Finale 8116 Ravi Oh, no.
54475 9 24 Finale 8116 Ryan I was wondering could you maybe examine him for a second?
54476 9 24 Finale 8116 Ravi Oh, yeah, you're not feeling well little guy? Okay, sure. Should we go inside?
54477 9 24 Finale 8116 Ryan Actually, could you go inside? I'm feeling a little dehydrated. I could really use a little break, have some water.
54478 9 24 Finale 8116 Ravi Are you sure you don't wanna go in?
54479 9 24 Finale 8116 Kelly Ravi, just do it. That baby is burning up. Isn't this, like what you live for? Just go. Go.
54480 9 24 Finale 8116 Ryan Thank you Ravi. Thank you so much. This is great for me and for Drake. Thank you.
54481 9 24 Finale 8116 Kelly I don't know, Ryan. Baby Drake didn't look so good.
54482 9 24 Finale 8116 Ryan He'll be fine. I let me suck on a strawberry. He's allergic but he'll get over it fast. I had to talk to you.
54483 9 24 Finale 8116 Kelly You gave your baby an allergic reaction just to talk to me?
54484 9 24 Finale 8117 Pam Michael has so many pictures of his kids he had to get two phones with two numbers and he pays two bills.
54485 9 24 Finale 8117 Pam Oh, my gosh, it's choreographed!
54486 9 24 Finale 8117 Pam He just so happy to have a family plan.
54487 9 24 Finale 8118 Ed Where'd you learn to dance like that?
54488 9 24 Finale 8118 Erin I don't know. I've just always been really good at dancing.
54489 9 24 Finale 8119 Pam Is it me? Is it Nellie?
54490 9 24 Finale 8119 Toby It's everything.
54491 9 24 Finale 8120 Phyllis I missed you.
54492 9 24 Finale 8120 Stanley I missed you too.
54493 9 24 Finale 8121 Phyllis Lots of people think that Stanley Hudson's a mean old grump. But would a grump make this? It's me. It's me.
54494 9 24 Finale 8122 Ryan I love you.
54495 9 24 Finale 8122 Kelly I love you too.
54496 9 24 Finale 8122 Ryan We're gonna be together forever.
54497 9 24 Finale 8122 Kelly We're running off into the sunset.
54498 9 24 Finale 8122 Ryan I finally mastered commitment.
54499 9 24 Finale 8123 Kevin What was that stuff?
54500 9 24 Finale 8123 Ravi Hey, has anyone seen Ryan... or Kelly?
54501 9 24 Finale 8123 Kevin Ooh! Yes. Uh, They left together a little while ago. Kelly was hoping that you would keep the baby so they can start a new life together.
54502 9 24 Finale 8123 Ravi Oh, that's it. Here. Call child services and report an abandoned baby. We'll find a better parent than Ryan in no time.
54503 9 24 Finale 8123 Kevin Oh, I don't know.
54504 9 24 Finale 8123 Nellie Um, Kevin? Oh, I can help you with that. Yeah. I mean, I can find someone who will... who will love that beautiful little boy the way he deserves.
54505 9 24 Finale 8123 Kevin Hey, this is better.
54506 9 24 Finale 8123 Nellie Yes. It is. Oh yes it is.
54507 9 24 Finale 8124 Nellie If Ryan wants his baby back, please tell him where to fine me. We'll be somewhere in Europe. Won't we?
54508 9 24 Finale 8125 Michael I feel like all my kids grew up and then they married each other. It's every parent's dream.
54509 9 24 Finale 8126 Darryl Thank you go much.
54510 9 24 Finale 8126 Dwight Good night.
54511 9 24 Finale 8126 Toby Good luck.
54512 9 24 Finale 8126 Val Great. It was really fun.
54513 9 24 Finale 8126 Dwight Good evening.
54514 9 24 Finale 8126 Val The Doc crew's throwing a big after party in the warehouse tonight.
54515 9 24 Finale 8126 Darryl Yeah, I heard. It sounds kinda lame. No offense. You going, Toby?
54516 9 24 Finale 8126 Toby Oh, I don't know. I might turn in early.
54517 9 24 Finale 8126 Andy It's only 6:00. Come on, everybody's going.
54518 9 24 Finale 8126 Meredith You have to go, Toby.
54519 9 24 Finale 8126 Pete Yeah, come on, Tobes.
54520 9 24 Finale 8126 Val Come on.
54521 9 24 Finale 8126 Toby Yeah. I'll stop by.
54522 9 24 Finale 8126 Pete There he is!
54523 9 24 Finale 8127 Pam I need to get out of this dress.
54524 9 24 Finale 8127 Jim I gotta get out of this dress.
54525 9 24 Finale 8127 Carol Oh, I'm sorry Pam.
54526 9 24 Finale 8127 Jim What's going on?
54527 9 24 Finale 8127 Pam Why are you still here?
54528 9 24 Finale 8127 Carol I'm so sorry. They were an hour late.
54529 9 24 Finale 8127 Jim No, really, what's going on?
54530 9 24 Finale 8127 Pam Okay, Okay. Um... so... this past year has been really great, and you've been great and I just... I know that you had to make this choice and you had to give something up for me. But I never want you to have to give up anything. I just thought if I could get us an offer then there wouldn't be anything standing in our way and I could come to you with this big Jim gesture... and show you all at once just how much I love you and how much I really do believe in your future.
54531 9 24 Finale 8127 Jim Sorry, how long have you been showing the house?
54532 9 24 Finale 8127 Pam About 2 months
54533 9 24 Finale 8127 Jim That's why it's so clean.
54534 9 24 Finale 8127 Pam Yeah.
54535 9 24 Finale 8127 Jim I mean, you were gonna do this without me?
54536 9 24 Finale 8127 Pam Well, you... you bought the house without telling me, so I thought I could sell it without telling you.
54537 9 24 Finale 8127 Jim Oh... okay. Where would we go?
54538 9 24 Finale 8127 Pam Austin? Maybe.
54539 9 24 Finale 8127 Jim I promise you, you don't have to do this for me.
54540 9 24 Finale 8127 Pam I'm doing it for us.
54541 9 24 Finale 8127 Jim The last...
54542 9 24 Finale 8127 Buyer Okay. We'll take it.
54543 9 24 Finale 8127 Jim Hold on a second. The last few months have meant the world to me and all I care about...
54544 9 24 Finale 8127 Pam Hold on a second. Wait, what did you just say?
54545 9 24 Finale 8127 Buyer We wanna buy your house.
54546 9 24 Finale 8127 Jim You wanna do this?
54547 9 24 Finale 8127 Pam I wanna do this.
54548 9 24 Finale 8127 Jim You really want to do this?
54549 9 24 Finale 8127 Pam I really want to do this!
54550 9 24 Finale 8127 Jim Oh my God!
54551 9 24 Finale 8128 Jim Hey, Darryl.
54552 9 24 Finale 8128 Darryl What? All right!
54553 9 24 Finale 8128 Pam We're so excited.
54554 9 24 Finale 8129 Phyllis Cool.
54555 9 24 Finale 8129 Woman Oh, that's for PBS executives only.
54556 9 24 Finale 8129 Stanley I had to pledge $50 to my local PBS station just to get this.
54557 9 24 Finale 8130 David Wallace I think your ideas are fantastic, Oscar. I'd love to contribute to your campaign.
54558 9 24 Finale 8130 Oscar Thank you David.
54559 9 24 Finale 8131 Pam Uh, could I please have your attention? So a year ago, I got my first art commission to paint a mural for Dunder Mifflin and I decided to paint the history of paper...,which was just some trees and stuff. And then someone spray painted a bunch of butts on it and I had to start from the beginning. But it all worked out for the best because I think that I've painted the perfect thing which is the history of us. All of us. And this is for you Jim. And go ahead!
54560 9 24 Finale 8131 Pam Everyone, Let's take our picture in front of the mural. Oh, um, I just...I kind of meant just everybody from the office.
54561 9 24 Finale 8132 Photographer Very nice. Just a couple dozen more. Smiles, everybody, smiles. All right, that's great. I got enough. Thank you, everybody.
54562 9 24 Finale 8133 Jim Let's go outside
54563 9 24 Finale 8133 Pam Okay.
54564 9 24 Finale 8134 Stanley Okay, I need a drink.
54565 9 24 Finale 8134 Kevin Yeah, we all need a drink. What the...there's only dandelion tea and raisins in here.
54566 9 24 Finale 8134 Meredith Hey, bottom drawer.
54567 9 24 Finale 8134 Kevin Yes!
54568 9 24 Finale 8135 Pam Dunder Mifflin, This is Pam. Oh, I'm sorry. Jim Halpert doesn't work here anymore.
54569 9 24 Finale 8136 Pam I didn't watch the whole documentary. After a few episodes, it was too painful. I kept wanting to scream at Pam. It took me so long to do so many important things. It's just hard to accept that I spent so many years being less happy than I could have been. Jim was 5 feet from my desk and it took me four years to get to him. It'd be great if people saw this documentary and learned from my mistakes. Not that I'm a tragic person. I'm really happy now. But...it would just...just make my heart soar if someone out there saw this and she said to herself "be strong, trust yourself, love yourself. Conquer your fears. Just go after what you want and act fast, because life just isn't that long."
54570 9 24 Finale 8137 Kevin If there is one thing that I have learned through this whole experience, it's that if you film anybody long enough, they're going to do something stupid. It's only human natural.
54571 9 24 Finale 8138 Dwight Hey guys.
54572 9 24 Finale 8138 Angela Hi.
54573 9 24 Finale 8138 All Hey!
54574 9 24 Finale 8138 Pam What about the honeymoon?
54575 9 24 Finale 8138 Angela Oh, the honeymoon can wait till tomorrow. We wanted to hang out with you guys. I mean, when are we all going to be here together again?
54576 9 24 Finale 8138 Dwight Aww, J, P and D. The Three Amigos. Ah, it warms my heart. Hey, what do you say, when I get back from out honeymoon, the three of us have a conference room meeting just for fun? What is that meaningful look?
54577 9 24 Finale 8138 Jim You know what? Maybe we should talk.
54578 9 24 Finale 8139 Darryl Hey, come here. You guys need to see this.
54579 9 24 Finale 8139 Kevin What is it?
54580 9 24 Finale 8139 Andy You're probably sitting there wondering what will be your mark. What will you be known for? It might surprise you to learn...
54581 9 24 Finale 8140 Pam I finally feel ready. Athlead is growing...
54582 9 24 Finale 8140 Jim Athleap.
54583 9 24 Finale 8140 Pam And Jim can jump back in without skipping a beat. We'll come back to visit. But I think it's time for us to officially...
54584 9 24 Finale 8140 Dwight No, don't say it. You're fired! You're both fired!
54585 9 24 Finale 8140 Jim Dwight, come on. Don't end on a bad note.
54586 9 24 Finale 8140 Dwight Don't be an idiot. It's for the severance. The best I can do one month for every year you've been here. That's the max.
54587 9 24 Finale 8140 Pam Thanks Dwight.
54588 9 24 Finale 8140 Jim Hey, and if you're ever in Austin...
54589 9 24 Finale 8140 Dwight Woah. Right. For what, the art? The music? The incredible nightlife? No thank you. But if you're ever in the area, you'll always have a place to stay...in my barn.
54590 9 24 Finale 8140 Jim There it is.
54591 9 24 Finale 8141 Dwight Do I get along with my co-workers? Well, first of all, I don't have co-workers anymore, I have subordinates. So... have I gotten along with my subordinates? Let's see. My supplier relations rep, Meredith Palmer, is the only person I know who knows how to properly head bang to Motorhead. Oscar Martinez, my accountant, is now godfather to my son. Angela Schrute, my former accountant is now my wife. My top salesman, Jim Halpert was best man at my wedding and office administrator Pamela Beesley Halpert is my best friend. So...yes. I'd say I have gotten along with my subordinates.
54592 9 24 Finale 8142 Andy You might feel sorry for me but I actually feel sorry for you. Because you're about to leave Cornell. So say it with me: : Oh, I can so just sit here and cry.
54593 9 24 Finale 8142 Kevin Oh, Yes!
54594 9 24 Finale 8142 Darryl You did good. Real good.
54595 9 24 Finale 8142 Andy Thanks Dad...Darryl.
54596 9 24 Finale 8143 Andy I spent so much of my time here at Dunder Mifflin thinking about my old pals, my college a cappella group. The weird thing is now, I'm exactly where I wanna be. I got my dream job at Cornell and I'm still just thinking about my old pals. Only now they're the ones I made here. I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them. Someone should write a song about that.
54597 9 24 Finale 8144 Oscar You take something ordinary, like a piece of paper. It's not much. But if you see it in the right way...And that's what you did with this documentary. But seriously, you made a nine-year documentary and you couldn't once show me doing my origami.
54598 9 24 Finale 8145 Creed Uh..ohh!
54599 9 24 Finale 8146 Creed I saw a friend today. It had been a while. And we forgot each others names. But it didn't matter. â˜Cause deep inside the feeling still remained the same...
54600 9 24 Finale 8147 Jim Imagine going back and watching a tape of your life. You could see yourself change and make mistakes...and grow up. You could watch yourself fall in love, watch yourself become a husband, become a father. You guys gave that to me. And that's...an amazing gift.
54601 9 24 Finale 8148 Phyllis Hey, Jim, remember flonkerton when you did Office Olympics? It was awesome.
54602 9 24 Finale 8148 Jim Thanks Phyl.
54603 9 24 Finale 8148 Creed I still have my medal from that.
54604 9 24 Finale 8148 Angela Do you even have a mattress?
54605 9 24 Finale 8148 Creed No, but I still have my medal from that.
54606 9 24 Finale 8149 Kevin Oscar. Oscar. I think I'm gay.
54607 9 24 Finale 8149 Oscar Why do you say that?
54608 9 24 Finale 8149 Kevin It's just that I'm so emotional.
54609 9 24 Finale 8149 Oscar Yeah, but you're not gay. You're not gay.
54610 9 24 Finale 8149 Kevin No, but maybe the reason...
54611 9 24 Finale 8149 Oscar You're not gay.
54612 9 24 Finale 8150 Creed And all the faces that I know have that same familiar glow. I think I must have known them somewhere once before.
54613 9 24 Finale 8151 Erin How did you do it? How did you capture what it was really like? How we felt and how made each other laugh and how we got through the day? How did you do it? Also, how do cameras work?
54614 9 24 Finale 8152 Darryl Everyday when I came into work, all I wanted to do was leave. So why in the world does it feel so hard to leave right now?
54615 9 24 Finale 8153 Creed It all seems so very arbitrary. I applied for a job at this company because they were hiring. I took a desk at the back because it was empty. But... no matter how you get there or where you end up, human beings have this miraculous gift to make that place home. Let's do this.
54616 9 24 Finale 8154 Meredith I just feel lucky that I got a chance to share my crummy story with anyone out there who thinks they're the only one to take a dump in a paper shredder. You're not alone sister. Let's get a beer sometime.
54617 9 24 Finale 8155 Phyllis I'm happy that this was all filmed so I can remember everyone and what we did. I worked for a paper company all these years and I never wrote anything down.
54618 9 24 Finale 8156 Jim I sold paper at this company for 12 years. My job was to speak to clients on the phone about quantities and types of copier paper. Even if I didn't love every minute of it, everything I have, I owe to this job. This stupid...wonderful...boring...amazing job.
54619 9 24 Finale 8157 Pam I thought it was weird when you picked us to make a documentary. But all in all...I think an ordinary paper company like Dunder Mifflin was a great subject for a documentary. There's a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn't that kind of the point?